#fucking up

[warriorwoman13]

Cowardly walked away from every responsibility after 38 years. 38 years. 38 years.

Left every personal belonging behind except his dark secrets - those were hand delivered to covert storage for safe keeping.

Shredded hearts. Broken dreams. Stolen futures.

Pornography and dirty secrets more important than everything and everyone.

All encompassing. Watching it. Writing it. Reading it. Hiding it. Protecting it. Not just adults. Not a damn thing to do. Not enough probable cause.

Hidden cameras with night vision in our sacred space. More terrible secrets. More denial.

Many new tool kits, window breaker purchased with terrible intent.

Taking tens of thousands from his elderly father with dementia. No conscious. No consequences.

Elderly father left suffering on the floor for days with a broken arm while preoccupied with porn at the hotel. No daily calls happening knowing it was absolutely necessary.

Daughters devastated, confused, depressed.

So. Many. Lies.

Addict behavior turned on wife: psychological abuse, emotional abuse, stonewalling, victim blaming.

Fifth job loss in six months.

Divorcing him a must. But how?

Decisions about whether to pay the mortgage or attorney on a $20/hr salary while there’s no accountability for the money frivolously spent for months.

Trying to shift focus away from the terrible he’s become; the lies to his attorney begin about everything and anyone, especially her.

Upon his father’s passing, this stranger will have spent life changing money on this terrible darkness, will receive a beautiful condo, full social security, the disgusting addiction, oh, and his new girlfriend he’s been buying lingerie for with his father’s credit card. A new girlfriend found less than four months after walking out on a beautiful family.

Ruined a family in every way a family can be ruined. Life has never been easy. So. Much. Trauma. He knew every wound but did it anyway with full knowledge. Knowing the human cost.

Sister a prostitute. Died of an overdose.

Brother a gang member. Shot in the head and killed at twenty one.

Nephew/adopted son died of overdose in 2020.

Aren’t men protective, brave, and courageous? When?

Biological father (doesn’t deserve that term) abused, violated and completely broke four of us growing up. Decimated three generations. He “has no problem sleeping at night”; suffered no repercussions.

The reality of addiction. The ugly truth. The secrets families have to keep while the addict continues the damage.

Something has to change.

[authorkarajorgensen]

The energy I cultivate is that I try not to fuck up, but when I do, friends come to tell me I've fucked up.

Like, they trust me enough to know I won't blow up or double down, and that I'll try to fix whatever mistake I made.

[suicideandcheese]

Daddy's Girl

There's this world out there. Fuck Do they hate me when I hate me. I threw an orange at her Dad during Christmas meal. I had enough. I have all the backup and none. I'm just Sorry, not sorry. Call me a drunk one More time. I'll prove your shit theory As I take your daughter home and give Her the only home she's ever known, Dad. God, does she hate me today. And God, Do I love you for giving me the strength To be, to hurt, to submit and say I'm sorry. I am sorry. I said it. I am a man, after all. This is why he gave me a ride home. That's what real men do. She Will never understand. And we will Break up and I will laugh at citrus Being the focal point of finally. I can love you all, and will, but you Do not tell me about one more Conspiracy theory and claim Jesus. Fuck you all, with love.

[tragiczny-blog]

no man or woman can ever replace you, there is a gaping hole in my soul in your shape and size and trying to fill it with alcohol drugs and sex didnt work

what am i supposed to do without you

i come home to someone whos not you, i still say your name during sex i still think about texting you when i see things i know youd like i still look at the things you once said you need a lifetime ago and i still want to buy them for you i still think about us growing older together i still remember how proud we were of each other for making it to adulthood i still remember talking about our first second third etc jobs i remember talking about rehab and psych wards and hospital i remember how you said youd walk me to aa like i walked you to your psychiatrist we were through so much together why do i come home to someone who is not you

[inksplashgirl]

what it means

It was late

(or early, if you're that person)

the world was blurring at the edges

I knew I was making a mistake

and at the time?

I didn't care.

That's what scares me,

honestly.

I woke up on the sofa

and memories crept in slowly

pricking like tiny needles

pain hunched in my temples

guilt, fear, regret

crawling up my throat

laughing at the irony

of my own choices killing me

I got up, got dressed, forced

myself out the door to school

and I sat, choking down cheap cereal

in the fluorescence of the cafeteria

and you walked in

and my stomach churned

like pasta at a rolling boil

because I had to tell you

You asked if I was okay

and the only thing I could say

was what I did last night

and I started to cry-

and you looked in my eyes

and you wrapped your arms around me

and you asked again

if I was okay.

They talk about trust, forgiveness.

They talk about love,

love that reaches far beyond infinity,

but when you tell someone that you fucked up-

and they still whisper "I love you" into the dark

and they still reach for your hand

you finally understand

what it means.

[howifeltabouthim]

. . . I am still blundering and stumbling, and have fallen into a way of hurting myself at every step.

Anthony Trollope, from Phineas Finn

[stephjacq]

The thing about being autistic and having systems to manage the ways your brain doesn’t compute is that when they don’t work, or when you fail to implement them, it’s a shock like running into a wall. Smack.

Intellectually you are relieved that you don’t go around running into walls all the time anymore, but emotionally you are damn sore and sorry for yourself. Shame, panic, anxiety, spiralling all the way down. And trying to pull yourself out of it because you still have to deal with the thing at hand.

And in this case the thing at hand brings its own special flavour of anxiety, deep and with very real consequences.

I did a meditation on abundance this morning. It was good, it made sense. But the other part of my brain is actively engaged in a yelling match denying that it’s enough, that we will triumph. Still a third is trying to get them both to shut up so we can deal with the thing at hand. My brain bulges with the effort like Mt St Helen’s before the eruption.

Like Harrow the Ninth, beads of blood form on my forehead as I try to retain control of this mess.

[elbiotipo]

I think one big reason why we don't consider the stars as important as before (not even pop-astrology anymore cares about the stars or the sky on itself, just the signs deprived of context) is because of light pollution.

For most of human history the sky looked between 1-3, 4 at most. And then all of a sudden with electrification it was gone (I'm lucky if I get 6 in my small city). The first time I saw the Milky Way fully as a kid was a spiritual experience, I was almost scared on how BRIGHT it was, it felt like someone was looking back at me. You don't get that at all with modern light pollution.

When most people talk about stargazing nowadays they think about watching about a couple of bright dots. The stars are really, really not like that. The unpolluted night sky is a festival of fireworks. There is nothing like it.

[puppyeared]

filipina miku!! my mom helped me with her outfit ^_^

[sadclowncentral]

shoutout to the guy who after unsuccessfully hitting on my sister and being politely declined asked her "is it okay if i ask your brother instead" and when she said yes gave me a long and searching look before sighing and going "no. i am not drunk enough to go for a dude. but you look like an angel" happy bisexual pride to this man and this man only. hope you figure it out soon king

[tododeku-or-bust]

Shout out to all the Black ppl that can no longer participate directly in the fandom they love because of the stresses of racism 👍🏾 you contain multitudes of value and I'm sorry that the color of your skin and the power of your voice makes people not want to acknowledge that.

[guiltyidealist]

new favorite YouTube comment just dropped

[riacte]

not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing [what would happen between earth and the moon if the earth stopped spinning as illustrated by xkcd randall munroe]

[mayhemchicken-artblog]

in the hour or so it took me to draw this op turned reblogs off

EDIT: reblogs are STAYING OFF. op was right and correct and i have never regretted making a post as much as this one. if you want to reblog my art you can reblog something else from my blog. or commission me, lord knows i deserve financial compensation for the nightmare this post has put me through

[froody]

countries will be like “nooooo our birth rate is falling exponentially and it’s effecting our economy” and immigrants will be like “hey can you let us in so we can boost your economy and fill your empty jobs and raise our children here” and inevitably the country is like “the only thing worse than a large scale collapse of our population is letting foreigners live here”