#fuck you babe I'm so tired
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the feminine urge to "FUCK YOU our friendship is cancelled I've had enough I'm done lol" swish *block* there never contact me again but yet again I am restrained by the curse that codependency and resonant diffraction (having all the same friends)
#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#guess who's back to icing me out out of nowhere instead of communicating AGAIN#fuck you babe I'm so tired#you know when they keep expecting you to read their mind that you actually become something of a pro at it#also RIP my ability to talk about anything in a normal way physics has fucked me up#physics my tsundere straight girl crush </3
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I am incredibly serious right now when I beg you all, please, and if you have Twitter or Tiktok or whatever to please spread the word: click on an author's profile on Ao3.
You want to know if an author has written more? Want to know if they're still writing? Want to see more from them? Want to know if they've written a trope or kink or sex scenario you enjoy?
Click on their name. And look at their profile.
I cannot tell you how many times in the last six months someone has read a new or newer fic of mine and said they (a new reader who has read nothing else I've done) "can't wait to see what you do next!" I've written 50+ fics and over a million words already.
"I don't know if you're still writing..." click on my profile. I am. I literally wrote a 128k+ fic for that ship last month.
"Would you ever do X?" "Please do Y!" I already did. Click on my name and look at my works.
Archive of our Own is a library. It's an archive. Not social media. It is your responsibility to fight back against the laziness that corporate algorithms have trained into you.
Click my author name. Just click it. Just click it.
Before you demand more, or ask if a writer will do XYZ, or wonder if the author still writing, or anything - click on their profile. Click on the author's profile.
I'm not trying to be mean or condescending or anything like that. I'm just exhausted. It's disheartening and frustrating to repeat myself ad nauseam, because someone couldn't take thirty seconds to do the tiniest bit of work to see if I've written lately, if I've written more for their ship, or scan my works to see if I've written what they're asking for. Please. Please. I'm begging.
Click the author's name, and explore before you ask.
#lincoln rants#I'm sorry but I'm at the end of my rope#I got a LOT of these comments on my Buddie Platonic Sugar Baby AU#acting like I was some new writer to the fandom#babes I've been here since the dawn of 2020 where the fuck have YOU been?#I am happy to answer questions! I love responding to reader comments!#but it is beyond frustrating to answer a question that if they'd literally just clicked on my author name#they would have gotten the answer to themselves#yes I have written more yes I am still writing yes I've been here longer than you have#and I don't mean that in a pulling rank/seniority way I just mean that in a could you please just CLICK ON MY NAME???#INSTEAD OF MAKING ASSUMPTIONS??? way#I'VE DONE MY TIME! FOUR AND A HALF YEARS! IN THE CIRCUS!#I'm sorry but sometimes I have to yell publicly a little#and I really do suspect this is people who are not on tumblr#so I am genuinely begging you#if you are on other social media platforms#PLEASE feel free to repeat what I have said#PLEASE I AM SO TIRED!!!
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realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards
*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is a clone#like i dont even need to traumatize you worse the pure explorative options from this aLONE is enough to feed me for a week.#like. tucks hair behind ear let me shatter you into glass pieces then glue you back together babe. i can put you back together so good.#i'm missing a few shards because some parts of you broke into such small pieces i couldn't pick them back up again so you'll be missing a#few chunks of yourself that you'll never get back but that's okay. you'll still be a resemblance of your old self :]#don't let anakin (me) listen to late night sad songs he makes angst.#hhh imagine being stuck in a house for two weeks where you can hear your parents torturing ghosts in the basement and not only that but#you're the only person who can undERSTAND the ghosts. how many times did he see his parents drag in a ghost with whatever capturing device#they made recently? iirc the thermos was like. brand new in episode one right? but gOD the trauma this alone would cause#nobody touch me im cooking rn i need to think about how this would impact danny. like obvs it would fuel into a developing obsession to#keep his parents away from ghosts and to help the dead but what *else.* i need to refine my becoming phantom ficlet i wrote back in winter#raaa#and like even after two weeks they were *still capturing ghosts* danny just wasn't in the house 24/7 at the time.#*but those two fucking weeks man*#i need to sleep on this first before i make any major moves bc i know im tired but i am having thOUGHTs
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I am unreasonably upset about the fact that I've been forced to accept that Gabriel was a Gerald.
For context, in An Inspector Calls, Gerald Croft is engaged to Sheila Birling when he meets a homeless, struggling Eva Smith in a bar, and essentially in return for a home and money he shows her affection (ahem), then gets rid of her once he no longer has a use for her. Now, obviously this isn't a direct translation, but the essentials are - a Gerald is a character who uses another character, in return for something they need, usually masking the fact that they're using them with affection and love.
And against my will I've had to accept that this is exactly what Gabriel does to Nathalie.
Did I want to think he had potential to be better? Did I think he genuinely cared for Nathalie?? Hell, did I just really really want somebody to care about Nathalie???
Probably all of the above but the point is: he's Gerald. And I cannot - I literally can't unsee it now. Their whole dynamic in S3 is like “oh boohoo I'm sorry I wish you didn't have to use the peacock Miraculous and kill yourself over it but uh I need to use your powers” “yeah no that's fine I'm all good”. Which, given the "Gerald" theorem, I'm assuming leads to the fact that what Nathalie needed, above all, was someone to care about her - and Gabriel came along, as Sheila Birling puts it, "like a fairytale prince", and was so caring and gentle and... Yeah. She fell for him. And. Yeah he genuinely did seem to care like twice. But so did Gerald. Gerald actually admits that he did care for Eva, just not the way that she cared for him, and, uh, not enough to not just dispose of her. So he discards her anyway when she stops being useful.
Leading me neatly to my point.
He starts using the peacock Miraculous the second it's fixed, the slimy bastard, HOWEVER. It runs way deeper than that. Assuming I'm right (which I almost DEFINITELY am), then Gabriel only needed Nathalie while she was useful. She didn't stop being useful in season three - she's still scheming for him, helping him with plan after plan. It's only partway through season 5 that she officially servers ties with him, and starts to actively hinder him.
Nathalie stops being useful when she fails as Safari. And I reckon that's when Gabriel and Tomoe decided she had to go.
(It's painfully, I-was-ugly-crying-over-it obvious in Conformation that Gabriel is fully prepared to let Nathalie die - in the original storyboard, her alliance was encouraging her to sleep, and he's very obviously prepared for this moment - I've made a separate post about it that I'll link if I can find it. However, onto the next bit)
With all of this, there's one thing that sticks out to me - Nathalie didn't see any of it until it was already too late. There could be many reasons for this. But you know who would have seen through it? Whose parents were all loving and perfect until she married the wrong man? Emilie. Emilie, who left behind those videos, which on the surface look innocent, but when you look deeper look like a (love confession???????) AHEM a warning. I reckon Emilie noticed what was going on and realised that Nathalie wouldn't see through Gabriel, so she left those videos addressed to Nathalie (not Gabriel, which surely they should have been - they were about him, after all - unless they were there...) as a warning. I don't think the videos were supposed to be about helping Gabriel, I think Emilie was warning Nathalie to get the fuck out of that house, and to take Adrien with her. Because Emilie knew it'd end like this.
Yes I'm still mad ok give me a break.
#Not a direct translation obviously#(although I hate the fact that my brain has AUTOMATICALLY made the links between the peacock Miraculous and Emilie and... yeah#as in#it fits better than it should as an allegory)#Anyway yeah my mad evening ramblings™#This began as an angry rant and became a theory#But yeah it's so so obvious I've said it before but it's SO glaringly obvious that Nathalie is desperate for any kind of affection#“girl what were YOU doing at the devil's sacrement -” I am also desperate for affection!!!! Shut up I'm talking!!!!!#It's really really obvious like I'd guess#(given that she seems to live with the Agrestes and has a... past certainly)#there's no family in the picture#And yeah so I'm tired now if you have questions ask them I'll elaborate#Just remember that I'm so fucking obsessed with An Inspector Calls that it's genuinely a plot point in one of my books#So the comparison makes sense ok???? Let me go to bed#(read found-family fanfic and cry)#miraculous ladybug#miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir#nathalie sancoeur#gabriel agreste#emilie agreste#adrien agreste#miraculous#an inspector calls#gerald croft#Yes I'm tagging this with AIC and Gerald ok I want a bunch of GCSE students to look up the tag and be confused out of their fucking minds#Voilà i guess#Oh yeah there's problems with this bc Emilie tells Nathalie to stop Gabe#but there's nothing saying she didn't then add “oh and if you can't then get the hell outta there babes”#“with OUR little prince” (????? That line is still so confusing what does it MEAN)#Oh ig I should tag this with eminath bc of the last bit
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so leftists have been using a lot of words wrong lately but we need to fucking talk about how they use the word peace while completely throwing it's meaning out the window. peace by definition means lack of hostility and conflict, but they genuinely just use it to mean whatever the fuck now. peace is when we get what we want, peace is when the bad guys lose, peace is when a terrorist organisation breaks a ceasefire agreement to kill and kidnap and rape over a thousand people. they use the word to make their cause sound reasonable and pure when in reality they're not looking for peace, they're looking for "justice" (in heavy quotation marks because what they want can be hardly deemed as peace or justice). they want victory and supremacy for their chosen side, which is not what peace is. there are actual propositions for peace in the region and orgs working towards it but they cry and shit their pants whenever those are brought up as a possibility.
#look me in the eyes and tell me jvp is for peace#sure they put it in their name to sound good and justified but anyone actively praising hamas cannot by definition be for peace#babes it's ok to admit you don't actually want peace. it's ok to admit you just want to kill israelis.#ok well you're already very vocal about that. while still claiming to be for peace.#really they just love spewing random buzzwords without any regards for their meaning#they do it for zionists they do it for nazis#use words as what they actually mean. i'm so fucking tired.#peak leftism brainrot#leftist antisemitism#cw rape mention#hila has spoken
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"Hi Mr. Important Guy, I'm chronically ill and am extremely affected by all my health issues, could I maybe get this certificate thing to get like 5 additional minutes during exams and other barely noticeable differences that don't make anything even close to evening anything out at all?"
"Nah, fuck you, that'd give you an advantage and be unfair to other students."
Could we maybe get somebody in charge of disability related matters who actually knows anything about what being disabled means??
#God I'm so fucking mad#Like... Babe are you a fucking idiot#Hm... Maybe we should let somebody capable make important decisions... Nah let's just get this ableist guy to do it#Just... You already have so many problems bc of your health but no that's not enough#Dude I'm so tired of all of this bs#Negative#Rant#Sorry guys but I have to let this out somehow#Health#Physical health#Mental health#Chronic illness#Idk how to tag this kind of stuff#Ableism#My posts
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this fandom loveesss to mischaracterize g.ladio... it's like people forget what his whole fucking dlc was about 😭
#ash rambles 💚#Y'ALL... I am SO TIRED of g.ladio being called 'the mean one' or getting a lot of hate#he is essential to the c.hocobro team dynamic!#i understand that The Train Scene wasn't in great taste but i am soooo sorry that g.ladio didnt get the same time to develop as the others?#and the localization fucked him over too#he's just a guy trying his best. literally wtf do people want some from??? he's been training to be a shield to the king for his whole#fucking life! so OF COURSE he's gonna be pissed off and mad when bad things keep happening! he blames himself for it!#like oh boy im so sorry he didnt get stuck in the arctic with nothing but a gun or lose his eyesight putting on a magic ring or getting#stuck in a crystal for ten years to turn into k.eanu fucking r.eeves#he took on the blademaster to prove himself to HIMSELF#im just. GAAAAAHHH#why are people so mean to g.ladio?! I'm so tired of seeing people call him mean or saying that they like all the bros excwpt for him#you cant fucking have the bros without g.ladio!#okay alright rant over thank you i just needed to get that off my chest 🤭#g.ladio babe i am taking you under my wing and shielding you from all that
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my first birthday disappointment was seeing my doctor and her saying there's nothing wrong with me even though my recent blood test says there's a lot wrong with me <3 i really need a new doctor who takes things seriously
#like my white blood cells were so low they were at 0 and she was like oh it just means they weren't being used when your blood was drawn#which means you weren't ill or having an allergic reaction#and i was like but i Was ill and reacting to pollen though#and i'm always ill like all the time#shouldn't a low white blood cell count be at least looked into? when i'm literally always tired and always sick?#and she was like babe you need to stop worrying#like i'm the least worried person you'll ever meet i would just like you to do your fucking job and at least attempt to understand#what's wrong with me#anyway. nothing new there :)
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My doctor messaging me at 12:30 in the morning to tell me she wants to do a telehealth visit abt the side effects I'm having with my new Lamotrigine dose (including worse insomnia than my usual insomnia, as u may have guessed lmao) is. something.
#text post#like i know why i am awake babe why are YOU awake this late#and god why do we have to do another visit#they aren't bad enough to make me stop this dose and i haven't been on the new dose long enough to let it even out#can i not just Not have to do another uncomfortable visit where even if things turn out okay after#i later feel like I'm still not being wholly trusted/treated like i know my body and how i feel#i had worse side effects restarting this med months ago and we didn't have any additional visits for that#they fucking forgot to even book me for a f/u and i had to call in and beg for one basically#and then they misbooked it for the wrong reason and with the wrong doctor#and made it out like it was my fault when i made clear i begged and told the receptionist i spoke to to book said appt#that it needed to b with my doc for the Lamotrigine and that i hadn't been told when to follow up so i was just. doing it#bc she said i needed to but then didn't say when to book it#they're trying hard and im trying to give them grace but then this shit happens and like#im tired. makes me want to go into my new doc like nah never mind im fine. don't ask me nothing and i won't bug you with anything#unless im dying or nearly dead already.#would suck beyond believe attempting to raw dog life mostly again but goddamn. im so sick of this lack of stability with my care#anyway. probably an appt next Tuesday which is great#that's the week of the weekend that i work again and the week before my bday#(a bday I'll be working now which I'm not normally irked abt but. i am a bit rn)#so cool. yeah. let's stack anxiety and fear over a medical appt on top of everything else for that week#and that's not counting that this weekend I've been tasked with buying and getting signed a v expensive and rare figure#for my mum's bf and I'm kind of terrified im gonna fuck it up#he paid for tickets to the con the figure will be sold at and that the person he wants to sign it will be at#so if i fuck this up he'll want (understandably) to be paid back asap for that#and that's money i don't fucking have rn#i really wish she had waited till the actual day proper to contact me bc i couldn't sleep before this#and now i definitely cant bc like#it's dumb. but what if she takes my med away. it isn't perfect but it works better than any other med I've tried#what if she wants me to try a new one. i cant do that and b dealing with major side effects during the intense work schedule#that'll be happening for me v soon and then into November
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#when I say I'm so tired of hearing abt my clients' lives. like how am I supposed to stand there cutting an ugly ass haircut that I hate#while you drone on and on about getting botox in your cheeks and forehead bc a drunk girl in a bar bathroom called you old#I'm battling actual demons and you just have to tell me that you dropped $1500 on botox because of a comment.#like how am I supposed to feel after listening to that. I can't muster up any sympathy for you. I just don't see that as a real issue#but sure. omggg no wayyyy that's sooo crazy. anyways.#also her tryna set me up with her son by telling me how much of a loser he is. are you for fucking real.#'he just needs a good mentally stable girl I think' well I for sure ain't the one babes. I've been contemplating suicide this whole time.#I just can't take itttttttt I'm so tired of these people
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I'm so captivated by his . Everything.
#if you told me a year ago that I would be madly in love with him. i wouldn't believe you#I'd probably be asking who the fuck are you and why are you talking to me about Spider-Man. I'm trying to not be homeless rn#fun times...#anyways#ya know what time it is? that's right babes. TAG RAMBLE!!!!!#sorry new folks (there's like. 40+ new guys here who now get to see what happens when i get too ... idk. what would you call this?)#back on track#i would like to hold his hand please and thabk you#i think they'd be very warm. which i need right now. because mine are fucking FREEZING#god he is just beautiful#his smile. i have better pictures of it#but. it's always so cute. regardless of image quality#i have many not safe for work thoughts in my mind rn but I'm so fucking tired.#will be saving them for another evening i guess#simple tags tonight. you new folks are safe for now...#GONNA ADD THIS AT THE END THO#THOSE PRETTY BROWN EEEYYYYEEEESSSSSSSS#aaaaAAAAHAHAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!HAHSLAOKAOQHDBDOSOWBDKX#💖💖💖💖LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM💖💖💖
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between the shit at work and having to spend so much fucking time on hold i'm really gonna lose it
#i spend 7 hours a day in tense conflict-sensing mode so i can spot when a violent kid is showing signs of an outburst#and react as fast as i can to keep the other kids safe#so even on days when nothing technically happens and i successfully deescalate situations so the worst that happens is an argument#im wound tight and paranoid#and now. goddamn it.#i need invoices for school books so i can be reimbursed. better prepare for 2 hours back and forth between hold and repeating the problem#i need to cancel a pickup order because they don't actually have shit ready when they say it is and they say 'itll be out in 5 minutes'#10 times. babes its been an hour. its fine if you really dont have these batteries just give me my money back.#but no. they won't let me cancel it and won't give my money back.#spent half an hour on hold before giving up because i have actual important things to do goddamn it#sent back some picture frames months ago because they were broken on arrival#and months later the refund is reversed and they claim i never sent it back#time to spend..... more time......... on hold.................#and i get emails every FUCKING day about how my college balance hasnt been paid and they're going to drop me#college says its okay; the money just hasnt processed. school that's funding me says it's okay; they def sent the money#every FUCKING DAY i get these emails still. 84 unread threats abt dropping me rn.#i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired#i will persist!! i will fucking persist! but god damn it!!!!!
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actually going to throw the hugest fit over my parents making me do dishes. i am HAPPY to do dishes on assigned nights. it's FINE. i hate it so much but i'll get it done and if i'm having constant breakdowns over it then like. idk. maybe that's another issue that you should be looking into but it doesn't mean that i'm not up for doing the dishes. but now my mom wants to have the five of us just. do the dishes on a rotation? which is FUCKED cause i have SHIT to do! the fuck happens when i have dnd? or want to go out with a friend? or have class until late? literally worst fucking idea on earth i can do the fucking dishes but i have to be PREPARED for it. for instance don't make it so every other week i'll be fucking Doing something when it's my night to do the dishes
#so tired and lowkey pissed off about this i'm going to cry#my mom got rlly upset cause the dishes weren't getting done. fair.#my nights got Done most of the time and i volunteered to take on an extra night so idk. i think that should count for something.#but she got upset and said that she would just do dishes from now on#and then realized it was a lot of work and said she couldn't do it on her own and needed people to help#and then said 'we should do it this way!' and never actually implemented that way#like. just said it out loud. but then like. expected it to magically happen?#babe you can't just throw out a hypothetical and go 'alright! now that i have spoken it into existence it's going to happen'#fucking WHATEVER though. cause now it's going to be my fun little dishes night on friday when i have dnd.#first fuckin round of it.#and it's not even that i don't want to i CAN'T do the fucking dishes on friday cause i'm barely in the house!#i'll be home on friday after work for fifteen minutes tops!#so. going to complain. literally some of us have schedules that take up the nighttime.#sorry that neither of my little siblings hang out with people or have regular social engagements or work late or have class late.#but unfortunately i'm literally doing shit. and i need to incorporate things into my schedule or it's gonna fuck all my shit up#and then people will be angry with me for not getting the dishes done. so. again. fuck me i guess#it'll be fine i'll talk to her i just. ugh. the world if mothers just fucking talked about what they wanted and needed to happen#she proposed that Multiple weeks ago and just now i heard her in the kitchen going 'i thought we were doing this...'#bitch since WHEN??? SINCE WHEN??? YOU HAVEN'T BROUGHT IT UP IN A FULL WEEK AT LEAST#throwing my fucking laptop against the wall i'm so fucking tired i just want to sleep#valentine notes
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Last time I drank, I started telling my coworker to get therapy
#story time#Bros I am sick and tired of losing my train of thought#I went on a tangent and I was making a really good fucking point I think#And then I was like uuuuh what was saying ?#And now I remember the point but I don't have my coworker's phone number#But anyway brains are lazy and they want to use the least energy possible aight#And the thing is : Not feeling good consumes a LOT of energy#And they had this point that every fucking neurodivergent people have at first#''Oh maybe I'm faking it'' or ''Maybe it's not so bad''#But bro#Your brain isn't using this energy for nothing#There IS something fucked up going in there#You are LEGITIMATE in this#GET THOSE MEDS BITCH#We're all drowning babes#It doesn't matter if it's in 10 meters or 5 meters of water#That's not what the people will remember#They won't be like ''haha loser drowned in only 5 meters of water lol''#They're gonna think ''damn lots of people seem to drown nowadays maybe we should buy some floaters dude''#My brother said something to me last time#And I was like damn the bitch is right#And it's that when you help someone fix their issue and it disappears suddenly after like YEARS#That's some shock#And the person might not react well or just straight up not believe that oh everything's better now#Which is just proof the brain is full of shit in my opinion
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#i am gonna be so honest with you all babes. i'm fucking exhausted.#and my back hurts and my head hurts and my heart hurts and i'm just.#trying to take it day by day i guess. i don't know anymore really.#like yeah we have help and it's fine but. everyone leaves and goes home and they don't have to do anything about it anymroe.#im still here i'm still the one that wakes up in the middle of the night i'm sitll the one that gets called to do it all#i literally have done fuck all for work today because i've been the one doing the running around#and everyone keeps saying 'oh we're all worried for her and we're all pitching in to help'#and yes you all are! but that doesn't change the fact that she lives wiht us. and that when anyone comes over she still calls for one of us#it's not her fault she's just used to us#but my goodness gracious i have not felt this tired before and i'm just. i'm trying to remind myself i'm doing it for her. you know?#that there is no other reason it's getting done except that it's all For Her. and it makes it a little better.#but it doesn't change the fact that anyone time i step under the shower i just start crying again. or any time i'm alone for ten minutes#i'll just cry really quickly to get it out of my system before going back.#i've never felt more disconnected from reality than i have in the past week you know
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#not me thinking abt k****** *****f rn#i'm so fucking tired. one bad day and it's just reversing all your efforts back to the core#your fucking ugly and non-functional core#i just want to leave somewhere in the woods and stay there for a whole night#not saying that i want to return#always guilty always bad always fucking worst. hundred of another offences#no one even cares if im defending myself. no one even cares for me like a fucking human#always fucking guilty. always baddddd. i should be ashamed for myself!!!#for things i never did and things i never said and other stuff you think i did!!!#i love my. family#so fucking supportive and nice.#would it be better if i just wasn't here? would it be better if i'll just dissappear#would they fucking care? i think not#hi my s******* thoughts long time no see babe. you even seem reasonable today#i'm so tired.#second week w no weekends fucking yay. i want just to dissappear. once and for all#v*nt post sorry for anyone who'll see this on their dash...... .....
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