#fuck me only 183 to go

[floorpancakes]

i understand WHY it bothers some people but clamp making wildly fanon interpretations of jotakak in the 80s that they proceeded to channel and distill in a long line of wine to wine to wine until they created a whole army of jotakaks, some together, some separate, some similar, and some vastly different, split across the multiverse, most of them gay, to varying levels of subtlety is so fucking camp you guyssss im not the type to be bothered by the concept of ooc fan interpretation anyways and also even if you were its so fucking funny. gay person lineage. brainworms so intense you create a sub archetype and you can ancestry dot com that shit. yaoi pedigree

and god dammit it fucking worked cause they made one i literally enjoy WAY way way more than actual jotaro 😭😭 and jotaro is an icon

shizuka is truly the ethically bred artisan distilled fine wine of yaoi boys the formula worked a little too good they alchemically forged peak. fruity notes the likes of which the world has never seen

[dumbseee]

down bad.

in which, jude is a little bit too obsessed with his celebrity crush.

jude bellingham x singer!reader.

fc: imaan hammam.

liked by judebellingham, bellahadid, haileybieber and 8 183 018 others.

y/n: had so much fun tonight!

_

fan1: y/n you look so good

fan2: you ATE this look

fan3: princess y/n

judebellingham: 😍

fan4: of COURSE jude is in the first people to like and comment

fan5: at this point i think jude has y/n’s notifications on because there is no way

judebellingham: ofc i do!

fan6: STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS JUDE GUY OMG

fan7: y/n i’m begging you to drop another album or i’ll kms

fan8: WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO BRAZIL??

fan9: Y/N I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

fan10: marry me pls

view all comments.

liked by judebellingham, zayn, champagnepapi and 9 728 091 others.

y/n: hope you liked 'message in a bottle' and i hope the bottle found its receiver :)

_

fan1: GIRL YOU CAN’T LEAVE US LIKE THAT

fan2: WHO IS THIS DAMN SONG FOR??

fan3: been on repeat, amazing job y/n!

fan4: i missed your voice so much!!

fan5: IS THIS ABOUT JUDE???

fan6: Y/N I’LL KMS IN FRONT OF YOU IF YOU DON’T GIVE US ANSWERS

fan7: damn y’all are crazy

fan8: why would y/n write a song about a random football player?? she only dates a-list celebrities

fan9: lmao bold of y’all to assume our y/n would give time to your little jude

declanrice: please dm him y/n, he’s been playing this song every since it came out

judebellingham: IT’S NOT TRUE

fan10: abjskslslq not declan calling him out for being a fanboy

trentarnold66: i’m begging you to dm jude so he can SHUT THE FUCK UP

judebellingham: I’LL BEAT YOUR ASS DELETE THAT

masonmount: yeah we’re considering booking a therapist because he’s been crying over that song and making up scenarios about you

judebellingham: FAKE NEWS I KNOW THE SONG ISN’T ABOUT ME

y/n: it is actually.

fan11: WHAT

fan12: HOLY SHIIIIIT

declanrice: just letting you know that jude has fainted

view all comments.

insta dms.

y/n.

you really made me dm you first hm?

judebellingham.

holy shit

nah i must be dreaming rn

y/n.

haha no you’re not

so, you liked the song?

judebellingham.

y/n l/n is dming me

i must have saved a whole nation in my past life to be such a lucky mf

I LOVED IT

seriously your voice is heavenly and your lyrics always hit deep

but were you lying?

y/n.

thanks jude! about what?

judebellingham.

the song being about me, was that a lie?

y/n.

absolutely not.

i wouldn’t lie about that, jude.

this song is for and about you.

so, i heard you had to play against barcelona tomorrow, can i have an invite?

judebellingham.

you want to come?

OMG

YES OFC IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION

_

liked by y/n, declanrice, trentarnold66, and 1 728 092 others.

judebellingham: couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate tonight’s win!

_

y/n: the man of the match indeed

liked by judebellingham.

trentarnold66: WAR IS OVEEEEER

fan1: OMGGGGGGGG

fan2: i can’t believe he actually went on a date with THEE y/n l/n!!

fan3: nah man, respect to you

fan4: bellingham is on fire lately

aurelientchm: 😏

rodrygogoes: 😏😏

masonmount: 😏😏😏

toni.kr8s: 😏😏😏😏

judebellingham: i’m going to block every single ones of you.

view all comments.

[bakuhatsufallinlove]

Who Wants To Talk About Japanese Orthography In Manga???

Me, it's me, I do, and I have been chomping at the bit to get the chance to.

Orthography refers to the conventions of written language to represent sounds. That may bring to mind the idea of rigid grammar rules or spelling standardization, but in a linguistic sense, orthography simply describes observable trends across language use. This isn't about authority--I am not going to talk about what schools teach or say people should write one way or another. This is about examining how real people use written language creatively to convey different things in popular media.

This is a huge topic, so I'm only going to use examples from MHA to highlight Horikoshi's style.

First, let's get a run-down of the main parts of written Japanese and how they tend to be used.

We've got kanji and kana; kanji are logograms, while kana are syllabaries. Kana refers to both hiragana and katakana collectively, but we will delineate the two from here on.

The Wikipedia page for kanji, describing this more succinctly than I'm about to.

For clarity, I'm gonna color-code each one.

Let's take a quick look at all three in action.

Chapter 65

By virtue of being the syllabary that grammar particles are written in, hiragana can get away with a lot that kanji and katakana can't.

You can write simple sentences in hiragana alone, like so:

The sentence is perfectly comprehensible like this, but it reads as casual or perhaps a bit immature, like the person is either leaving out kanji for speed or simplicity (like online) or they aren't confident using kanji. Although, the word hito (person) is extremely common and its kanji is simple, so this would probably look more natural:

But there are also kanji for the word kawaii, so you could also write it this way:

On the other hand, writing the whole thing in katakana looks weird as fuck:

bECAuSE iT kINDA reADS LIKE THis, or maybe L I K E T H I S

It seems almost alien, overemphasizing the phonetic sound of the words, implying there's something notable or unusual about them.

But what if you write it like this?

Both ways use katakana to put flavor on a specific word. The first puts it on person, which could be used in a situation where someone hasn't been named yet, but the speaker tonally emphasizes your knowledge of them--like "oh, you know who."

The second emphasizes cute, which could read as sexually suggestive, teasing/joking, or even a threatening tone, depending on the context. "Real cute, ain't they?"

Basically, the connecting grammar bits need to be in hiragana, but nouns, verbs, and adjectives can typically be written in any of the three systems. That introduces choice into the matter, and these choices may have some cultural connotations.

This is a subtlety in written Japanese that manga loves to take advantage of. Orthography contributes a lot to characterization and tone, so individual creators develop little quirks as part of their own writing style.

Now let's finally take a gander at some of Horikoshi's!

Kanji instead of hiragana for semantic emphasis

Chapter 48

Best Jeanist could have used only hiragana for the word "good" (いい, ii), which is a very common way to write it. But he's not just commenting that they are nice kids, he's talking about them as "goodie two-shoes" and even puts brackets around the idea. The kanji emphasizes the cultural idea of a Good Child™, a well-behaved, morally upright, obedient young person.

Kanji instead of hiragana denoting a serious or severe tone

Chapter 36

Katsuki's "you" pronoun omae being written with kanji comes across as markedly serious, especially compared to how his dialogue is normally written. This is actually the only time Katsuki says omae and it is written with kanji--all the rest are in hiragana, which tends to read as more casual.

Hiragana instead of kanji denoting a gentle tone or youthful/childlike language

Chapters 129 and 183

Katsuki and his omae show us how kanji use can be seen as more mature and serious; Eri's dialogue does the opposite of this by using hiragana when it could use kanji, emphasizing her youth and innocence.

Katakana instead of hiragana or kanji for emphasis or slang

Chapters 209, 207, and 2

As I detailed above, one of katakana's most common uses is similar to italics or all-caps.

But you also tend to see slang written with it, and depending on the slang, the word being in katakana can immediately clarify it from other, perhaps more standard meanings. In Jirou's case, her personal pronoun uchi can mean a couple other things, so it being written in katakana clarifies her usage. It could arguably also imply she is taking a bit of an argumentative tone--Katsuki's slang is typically written in katakana for both of these reasons!

Katakana denoting regional dialect/accent, nonstandard pronunciation/muddled speech, or confused articulation

Chapters 102, 208, 394, and 2

Ochako gets flustered and defaults to her regional Kansai dialect. Instead of "chigau wa" (Tokyo dialect), she says "chau wa" repeatedly.

Katsuki and Toga both drop the w- sound from a word. Katsuki says "ore a" instead of "ore wa," while Toga says the word "kawaiku" as "ka'aiku" and "kawaii" as "ka'aii." Notice how the katakana which represents the vocal omission/hiccup is actually smaller than the others? That's also a little stylistic detail for communicating this kind of nonstandard speech.

Izuku repeats All Might's words, chikara wo, in a confused daze because he isn't following All Might's point. By removing the kanji especially, this kind of katakana emphasizes him sounding the words out without recognizing the underlying meaning.

Basically, Japanese has some excellent ~vibes-based~ orthography because of how the language is structured!

Of course, you find this kind of thing in English as well--especially in the age of the internet, where people note that "how dare u" reads as tonally distinct from "how dare you." As you develop language fluency, you tend to pick up these things subconsciously more than anything, but it's one of my favorite things to analyze and compare.

These are just a few examples and my own interpretations of them. I'm sure there are many more uses and flavor-nuance I'm not picking up on. Since any given choice can be read a few different ways, context is very important. My examples aren't definitive proof of anything, but it can be fun to keep these kinds of details in mind while reading.

Shueisha and Shonen Jump surely have in-house standards for text, and mangaka must operate within that range. That said, I have indeed seen every one of these examples in other manga as well.

And on the independent side of things, doujinshi and online manga are basically the wild frickin' west--I have seen tons of totally crazy, highly creative ways to take advantage of the unique flexibility found in Japanese, but that's a post for another day.

I will probably write more about this kind of thing in the future when I can pinpoint some more observations, but I hope you all enjoyed the ride. <3

[antonsmommy]

Reliever Pt. 1 (Jung Sungchan)

・word count: 1.6k ・pairing: Sungchan x Reader Synopsis: You get turned down by your work crush, Eunseok. Unbeknownst to you, Sungchan, your seemingly quiet workmate, has had his eyes on you. What begins as a simple night out with Sungchan quickly shifts into something mysterious and thrilling. ・warnings: suggestive but no smut (at least not yet), cursing ・genre: sexy, adult romance ・author’s note: not that anyone’s gonna read this, but enjoy?

There he was.

183 cm tall, piercing eyes, chiseled jawline…

This was your chance to ask Song Eunseok out.

Clutching at your mid-length pencil skirt, you walked up to Eunseok who was busy post processing the photos from yesterday’s shoot.

He seemed to notice your presence, and so he waved at you.

“Hey! I’ve been looking for you.”

You let out an inaudible gasp.

“Y-you were?”

He pulled out a swivel chair and gestured for you to sit beside him.

Just the thought of sitting beside your work crush aka your team’s lead photographer made you nervous.

You obliged and took the seat next to him.

“So, I’ve been wanting to show you the photos from the collab with Ami Paris and ask if you can get the graphics done by next week Tues?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat…

Right, he was only looking for you because of work.

“Actually, Eunseok, I- I sent them over earlier for your feedback.”

His eyes lit up like a kid. “You’re awesome. I guess I haven't checked my mail yet. Hehe.”

The smile he gave you, the tiny clutch on your chair… all these made your heart race.

“Uhm, Eunseok… can I ask you something?” 

“Yes, but don’t ask me for money. I don’t have that shit.” He joked, proud of his humor. 

He grinned right after catching a glance of his phone.

Here you go, be brave. Be brave.

“I was thinking of going to that newly opened speakeasy after work? Y-you wanna check it out with me?”

Eunseok looked up after a millisecond of staring into his phone again.

He hesitated for a moment before responding, "That sounds nice, but I actually have plans tonight."

A flicker of curiosity crossed your face. "Ah, really? Anything fun?"

He gave you a sheepish smile. "Yeah, I’ve got a date.”

“A real, hot date.”

He showed you his phone, and in it was a picture of the model from the S/S 2025 shoot that  your team did a month ago

And yep, that was a thirst trap right before your eyes.

Long, slim legs against the pilates reformer, check.

Perfectly crafted pouty lips, check.

And a low cut Alo sports bra that showcased her erm…. double check.

A moment of disappointment passed over you, but you quickly masked it with a joking smile.

“Big… ah I mean, big plans tonight. Welllll, you’re in for a ride.”

Eunseok’s eyes drifted back to his phone, and you saw him send a shocked emoji to the story of his real, hot date.

“I sure am. Gotta go.” Eunseok replied, his tone genuine yet distant. "Catch you later."

As you turned to leave, you couldn’t help but notice the way his gaze lingered on his phone, already lost in anticipation of the evening ahead. The office seemed to close around you as you straightened down the folds of your button down linen shirt.

You felt nothing but the bra gap in your 34Bs. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unbeknownst to you, somebody was watching you.

No, somebody has been watching you.

A sudden, rather conspicuous sound interrupted your thoughts—a cough, a bit too deliberate to be mistaken for anything but an attempt to attract attention. You glanced over your shoulder and saw Sungchan right behind you.

You took a step back and landed on his chest. 

Well, fuck. That’s a muscular chest.

The firmness against your back was a stark contrast to what you’d expected.

Sungchan’s chest felt rock hard, and this caused you to doubt reality. He usually wore loose, oversized clothes to work. The realization was jarring, and admittedly, you were stunned by the contact.

Sungchan's hands instinctively gripped your shoulders to steady you. The touch, though brief, sent a peculiar shiver through you. It was an innocent gesture, but there was something about his touch that had you feeling strange down there.

Fuck again, because you’ve been sex-deprived. 

You couldn’t even remember the last time you’ve been with a man. Maybe six, seven years ago? The new toy from Temu is not that powerful, btw.

Sungchan had been a fixture in the office for some time now- though he had never quite settled into the role of a familiar face. He’d appeared one day, unceremoniously, without much introduction to the rest of the team. 

From what you could gather, he and your boss, Shotaro were part-timers for a different clothing company right before Shotaro opened up his own clothing line, and that Sungchan was someone pirated to be a set builder for the photo shoots. Other than being a set builder, you really didn’t know his purpose for standing like a lamp post for the whole duration of the shoots your team did.

“Whoa, sorry!” you quickly apologized, stepping away, your voice betraying a hint of the confusion you felt. “I didn’t see you there.”

Sungchan’s face flushed a deeper shade of red, and he cleared his throat awkwardly. “No, it’s okay. I should have said something earlier. Uh, anyway, I didn’t mean to listen, but does your offer still stand?”

The question caught you by surprise. 

“What do you mean?”

He paused for a moment, then added, “I overheard your invite to Eunseok, If the offer’s still on the table, I happen to know the owner of that speakeasy, so I can pull some strings and get us a good seat. He’s been wanting me to check it out, but I didn’t wanna drink alone.”

Your eyebrows raised in surprise. “Oh, really? Well, I wasn’t expecting this, but...”

He leaned on the wall and crossed his arms while his eyes followed your lips.

Good Lord, why was he like that???

“But?”

You studied his expression for a moment, the earlier touch still lingering in your thoughts. 

Yeah, what’s there to lose? It’s not a date anyway.

“Yeah, why not?”

The corners of his mouth curved into a smirk. “See you there? Around 8?”

As he walked away, you couldn't help but wonder what this evening would bring.

 It wasn’t a date—just two colleagues hanging out—but something about the way he looked at you made it feel different, almost thrilling.

——————————————————————————————————————-

The speakeasy was dimly lit, with Honey by Raveena filling the air. 

You arrived just before 8, scanning the room until you spotted Sungchan. 

He looked effortlessly cool in a simple black shirt and an oversized leather jacket, his presence commanding yet understated.

You felt incredibly out of place with your linen shirt, brown cardigan and tiny pearl earrings.

As you approached, he stood and gave you a nod, pulling out a chair for you. "Hey, you made it," he said, his tone warm but reserved.

"Yeah, wouldn't miss it," you replied, taking your seat and almost tripping on your black boots.

“Careful there.”

Long before you knew, his hand was already at the small of your back- ready to catch you.

The conversation flowed easily, with Sungchan proving to be an attentive listener. 

Unlike Eunseok's playful banter and slapstick humor, Sungchan's manner was gallant and curt- and a bit mysterious. 

You would jump from one topic to another, but you swore, his eyes were on your lips the whole time.

What the fuck? Does he want a kiss? Because damn, he’s good looking, and I can use a kiss or two.

Oh seriously? Fuck your sexual frustrations.

You found yourself intrigued by him, though unsure if you were attracted to him or simply sexually frustrated.

He ordered drinks for both of you- one margarita with smoked salt and one glass of negroni, ensuring you had everything you needed- from the way he brought the hand sanitizer closer to you and even asked if you wanted to order more.

“Yeah, I always see you use alcohol sprays.” He mumbled.

It was just his mere observation, but you felt a knot in your stomach.

You had to speak to interrupt your delusion. “I like this place. Tell your friend my congratulations on the opening of his cocktail bar. Wonbin, was it?”

He nodded, examining how your tongue licked the rim of the glass.

So this is what snakes in the zoo cage felt like.

Just as the evening seemed to be settling into a comfortable rhythm, his phone buzzed. He glanced at the screen, his expression shifting to one of concern and frustration. "I'm really sorry, but I need to go. It’s Shoraro, and he needs help.”

You grimaced, appreciating his straightforwardness. “Go, go. It’s our boss.”

He stood, reaching for his wallet. "I'll cover the drinks. Again, sorry about this."

"Don't worry about it," you said, genuinely meaning it. Sungchan had been a perfect gentleman, and you couldn't fault him for needing to leave.

Besides, Shotaro’s not the type to call after work-hours. It had to be something important.

As Sungchan was about to head out, you instinctively went in for a friendly hug-  a habit from your interactions with friends before parting ways. Sungchan froze before deciding to lean in as well, and in an unplanned moment, his lips brushed against your lower lip. The touch was brief but electric, leaving you dazed.

He pulled back, eyes wide with surprise. "I... uh, sorry," he stammered for the first time tonight.

You shook your head quickly, feeling a rush of unexpected warmth. "It's fine. Really. Stupid me, actually!”

Sungchan gave you a small, almost shy smile before turning to leave. "I'll see you around," he said, his voice soft but certain.

As he walked away, you couldn't help but touch your lip where his had brushed against, a strange mix of emotions swirling inside you. The night had been cut short, but it left you with more questions than answers about Sungchan.

-------------------------------------------------

Part 2 for those who want to take a risk

[starmocha]

Part 2 of me yapping about bird men is coming, it's in my drafts, but uhhhhh.....I also want to yap about the other two men in my heart (aka I clearly have a type and it's "I'm just a soft baby that wants to be taken care of instead for once in her goddamned life and these men are more than ready to take on that task") 👉👈

[if anyone wants to read part 1 of me yapping about Gavin and Sylus, here ya go]

Victor (Mr. Love Queen's Choice), aka Daddy

CEO of a large investment and financial company (Loveland Financial Group (LFG))

Birthday: January 13 (Capricorn)

183 cm

Evol: Time control

Flower motifs are red roses (love, passion, beauty; burgundy roses can also mean commitment)

Animal motifs are panda bears. During his childhood, for his birthday, his father even adopted a panda at a zoo in his name

Associated with winter because he was born in the winter lol

Tall, dark, and snarky af

Perceived as cold, stoic, serious...but he is a softie with you

Highly respected in his field

Grinded through school so he could begin his career early

Workaholic

Childhood friend of MC...but it's complicated...

Gourmet chef. Man even opened a secret restaurant he sometimes cook at whenever he fancies (key note: the restaurant is only opened whenever he's in the mood...and it's insanely popular too).

Will cook anything MC craves, and even knows ahead of time, so he has everything prepared in advance.

Calls you Dummy (affectionate). Sometimes adds in a "moron" or "fool" to shake things up a little bit ig 😀

Scolds MC a lot, but he loves taking care of her, too.

When he loves, he loves deeply 😩🫶

Believes in you, will guide you when you need his assistance or advice, but overall, he wants you to believe in yourself and trust your own judgment

Zayne (Love and Deepspace), aka Zaddy

Chief cardiac surgeon

Birthday: September 5 (Virgo)

186 cm

Evol: Ice

Flower motifs are jasmine (love, sensuality, beauty)

Not explicitly official, but Zayne is sometimes associated with seals due to a childhood incident with MC.

Associated with winter because of his Evol

Tall, dark, and snarky af

Perceived as cold and serious, but is a total softie with you

Highly respected in his field

Grinded through school to begin his career early

Workaholic

Childhood friend of MC....and I guess it was also lowkey complicated, too

Average home cook, but we love to see that 🫶

Tries to learn recipes MC shows interests in. Does his best to perfect the recipe so he can cook for her.

Doesn't really have a pet name for you (yet), but I make him call me Darling and it heals me immensely 💕

Chides MC frequently, but it's also because he loves taking care of her and looks out for her.

He will be vulnerable for you, he will tell you how much he loves you, what it does to him, how you are healing for him. He loves holding hands, the feel of your hand in his. Pls caress his face, let him feel you, it's all he wants, all he needs. ZAYNE'S VULNERABILITY IS HIS SEXIEST QUALITY I'LL DIE ON THIS FUCKING HILL i just love zayne so fucking much pls love him too ok is this also me realizing zayne is touch-starved like me asklsa;;;sk

Believes in you, but worries about you, too, even if he knows you are capable. He can't help it. He just wants you to be healthy and safe, and not having that 100% certainty kills him inside. 🥺

THEY LOVE CATS. BIG SOFTIES. Victor is also a cat dad to one named Pudding and it's adorable af. If Zayne's career isn't so demanding, I would also say give this man a cat, too, but we know he wouldn't want to take on responsibilities he couldn't give his 100% to. 🥺

This brand of spicy is top-notch. Absolute elite shit 🤌 god me and who fucking when???

Head empty. Just long-haired Victor and Zayne to heal my tired soul 😩🫶

I like them for their personalities. 10/10 would recommend. 😀

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 18

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

New chapter, new cup, and back on my tea drinking! Today is another past year ren faire hand made cup with a Blueberry Jasmine tea.

This is present me rn - having finished this chapter- I WAS NOT PREPARED WHAT THE FUCK; what a goddamn jump scare of a read! D:

let's get ready for the notes journey so you can see me descend into a cacophony of sound:

Okay the visitor from last chapter was not Luo Binghe, and I really thought it might have been- it is in fact Liu Qingge! p159

Where is Luo Binghe though?? p159

Side note: unrelated, but a little bit related- adjacently related if you will - to the plot -> Big Same Shen Qingqiu! When I see a fan I too have to give that baby a firm crack! p159

Also real as fuck. LQQ: "what's up with you and Luo BInghe?" SQQ: I don't really know, but here we are LOL" p160

What did Liu Qingge see in the room that made him trip up/pause??? (I am sure we will find out later but still what the heck) p162

I'm crying at the strike out over here "His current attire and appearance was exactly identical to the Luo Binghe from before the Immortal Alliance Conference: the model of flawless and pure disciple of a major sect, the image of a pretty, diligent, and competent young wife, it really...really...was..." p162

Why am I so suspicious about the breakfast service Luo Binghe has for SQQ. p163

I love how the two of them in disguise in this very obvious trap of basically every powerful cultivator and sect is Luo Binghe changing his facial expression and SQQ being like "well I've been away for a while they will never recognize me" stealth check natural 1 for sure for sure p168

ewwww. anything to do with Old Palace Master. I really hate this guy, this story is so fucked. honestly poor Luo Binghe rn. pp171-172

oooo! New quest from the system: Raising Righteous Image Points! p176

more me appointed points to my 'SQQ is the damsel/love interest narrative', "In conclusion: So the female lead's role was going to be Shen Qingqiu again, huh?" p177

THANK YOU! This guy is the only one talking sense. Tianlang-jun really did nothing to start this whole war. He was only tricked and then essentially had the shit absolutely beat out of him. I dont even think the rumour he was going to wreak havoc and kill a bunch of humans was true- probably made up by butt hurt Old Palace Master. p181

ugh. Poor LBG having to hear all these people talk about his parents, their story, and how his mom hated him so much she tried to abort him. what the fuck, that's enough to mess anyone up quite badly. pp181-183

LBH: SQQ: my heart!!! pp 186-187

OFC LBH would be blamed mid Menty-B for the random demons being present. p189

Also so valid! the sects really are using the same tricks they used on Tianlang-jun. You know what, i'm really starting to stand with these demons - they have been done so dirty! p190

Hell yeah Yu Qingyuan stepping in! p191

Everyone here wants an explanation- how tf are they going to explain any of this tho LOL p195

Oh fuck, oh fuck! He hit zero points! p196

wait...alternate punishment? p197

Oh dang, he really just collapsed p197

AH! What's happening in the dream punishment. Is the punishment SQQ having to live with the original novel Luo BInghe and forever pining for him LOL? pp 198-199

Oh shit. Luo Binghe is totally figuring out that Shen Qingqiu is not his original Shizun p201

HE TORE HIS ARM OFF?! P202

MORE LIMB RIPPING P203

WHAT WHAT WHAT!!!!

THIS IS WILD.

What a horrible punishment OMG.

[cleromancy]

while from the doylist perspective the stories are specifically propping tim up compared to jason by doing this... i am obviously still very interested in, and compelled by, jason canonically having a pretty high opinion of tim going all the way back to their first meeting.

(for the record, absolutely nothing in-universe justifies jason having this opinion of tim up until tim springs him from prison imo. he beat the snot out of tim in tt29 and it wasn't even hard and yet for some fucking reason he still walks away thinking tim is a Better Robin than he was? like... ok. sure. more thoughts on this later in the post tho)

so the new earth (post-crisis pre-reboot) continuity tim-jason interactions we have, in order, are batman 617-618 (from batman: hush, this ones a retcon and barely counts, its just jason holding tim hostage with a batarang to his throat; and you might also get a glimpse of jay doing this in batman annual 25 lol but its in the other room so im not checking), tt29 (published in the middle of uth coming out, lol), tt47 (countdown tie-in), robin 177 and 182-183 (post-countdown, immediately after jason dumps his red robin costume and one of tims rogues fishes it out of the dumpster to wear, correctly intuiting *for some reason* that this will get to tim), and......... sigh. stupid battle for the stupid cowl.

(and, since were talking about jasons perspective, theres also the picture wall in lost days. i dont know what issue it is because to me lost days is not "made up" of "issues", it is one book i simply open to devour whole whilst weeping.)

i think tt 29 is the interaction i find the most frustrating because... we have an idea what tt29 would have been like if it were good. bc we have ga01 69-72. and granted Tim is such a cocky little shit (affectionate) that jason simply. Would probably not have been able to scare him no matter what, lol... but imagine if this fucking issue had been good.

ok cutting 4 length

the problem with johns. .......the FIRST problem with johns. is that he regularly has interesting ideas and his execution of them completely falls flat. the second problem with johns is that he can't write dialogue. the third problem with johns is that it was really really important to him that you understood what a Talented And Special Boy tim is but instead of showing you that he just forced other characters to. tell you. over and over. jason is not johns' only victim in this quest. (and johns was also not the only perpetrator, as we will see when i get to fuckin fabnic.)

but like i said i *am* actually interested in the potential here, because i do think there is potential.

and i also think that--at least when you read into it as deeply as i do--jason is sympathetic in this issue. (don't give me "hes beating up a child" crap here btw. jason's only 2-3 years older, tims a peer to him, they could easily have gone to high school together if jason hadnt fuckin died.) johns deliberately shows us Jason hoping raven gets a reprieve from the nightmares, and he certainly was *trying* to show us how much it would fucking suck to be remembered as the Bad Robin, forgotten except to be a cautionary tale, what kind of things that would do to a person emotionally. AND he makes a point of highlighting Jason's loneliness and isolation as robin, and. tbh i dont think the issue itself rly blames Jason for that. (you most certainly do not gotta hand it to him though. under no circumstances do you gotta hand it to johns for anything.)

and while jason tearing off his clothes to reveal his party city knockoff robin costume--the better to beat you with, my dear--was, erm. falling mostly on the wrong side of the line btwn camp and cringe... i do think jason writing his own name in blood on the wall was right on the money, *especially* because it was obviously not tims blood. like, tim wasnt bleeding anywhere near enough for that. it was either fake blood or jason prepped his own beforehand for them to DNA test--but also if they saw it before they saw tim, to make them fear for tims life, as a reminder of the risks theyre dealing with here.

oh but i was planning on talking specifically about like. what Jason might actually have seen in tim that left him with a positive impression. as-written? kinda nothing. lmao. or well the one thing imo is this

just kidding i couldn't find the panelz somehow despite posting them literally like yesterday and i ran into this lol:

>:| got distracted again. by this.

anyway i give up ill add the pics later. but its the exchange where jason has *decisively* won the fight, tims crumpled on the floor concussed and winded, and jason demands if tim *really* thinks he was good enough to tail bruce unnoticed for weeks.

and tim says "yes." hes beat up enough he can barely talk but there's still no hesitation whatsoever. and jason is *really* down on himself in this issue--he calls himself a failure, he feels like no one cared about his death, he feels unremembered. and jasons stated intentions here were to get the measure of tim but i also stand by the interpretation that he wanted to warn tim off of the sidekick gig, to remind him you uh. you have to be dick fucking grayson to survive it. (i dont believe either of them mentions him by name, but hey, dicks shadow is big enough for the both of them.)

i think what jason finds worthy of respect here--and, on top of that, intriguing enough that in robin 177 he entreats tim to join him--is the confidence, and also? at absolutely no point does tim believe jason is there to kill him. not a fuckin high bar, i know, but like i said i do think jason had *planned* to try and scare tim off (just also mega derailed himself by accident bc he got too in his feelings about the statue room 🥺), and... its not a bar he would have expected Tim to clear, is all im saying. particularly because while it is *possible* this took place in the middle of uth (tt 29 was released in november 05, between batman 646 and 647, which is the part where slade shows up bc black mask hired him to take jason out, so tt29 couldnt have happened in the middle of those two specific issues, but there are several other points at which jason could have taken a break in menacing gotham to fly to san Francisco), with Jason talking so negatively about himself i have to assume this is after the end of uth.

(you might be able to place this in the in-universe chronology by if/when teen titans mentions chemo dropping on bludhaven, which happens immediately before the bruce-jason-joker final showdown. however i dont feel like poking around for that or any other details to anchor tt29 to the other events happening at the time rn.)

i just also think so much of what jasons doing in this issue is like--he doesn't know *what* hes there to do. he had a plan and hes kinda fumbling it, not because tim is being especially resourceful but because jasons still licking his emotional wounds from uth, and titans tower is bringing up ones i dont think he ever realized hadnt healed. hes feeling everything at once. hes angry and hurt and full of self loathing but i think by the time tim simply says "yes," jason hits the stage of just being... burnt out. done lashing out, fucking tired, just wants to go home, if he can ever find it.

but i do think that "yes" would stick in his craw for a long time afterwards.

tt47: tim kicks jason in the nuts and pretty much declares them even for tt29 lolol. you may have seen my post about how jason only *sometimes* wears armor in countdown--hes drawn in the armored turtleneck and tac pants in tt47, but there are times in countdown hes out there fighting aliens and metas and shit in his jacket, a *t-shirt,* and *jeans.* just a squishy regular degular baseline human doing this and no one ever brings it up. but anyway. do i think tim would have seen jason wearing the equivalent of civvies plus a domino mask, narrow in on that, and immediately decide to kick him in the balls? i sure do. do i also think that this would make him rise in jasons estimation?

yeah. yeah, i really do. lol

anyway after this! after this is jasons briefish world-hopping stint as red robin saving the universe being a big damn hero and getting paid dust by everyone around him, in countdown; i think i mentioned before in this post that at the end he abandons the red robin suit in a dumpster, where it gets picked up by one of tims rogues. this storyline sucks and fabnic is a hack unfortunately. the rogue did it bc he wants tims attention or whatever. not important except for how irritating it is that fabnic fumbled a concept this juicy (tim inheriting and eventually purposely adopting The Bad Robin Mantle) which is also further fumbled by stupid battle for the stupid cowl, and the people who it falls to to salvage it are. johns again, in adventure comics 3, and yost, who is a better writer than johns or fabnic but not by like a huge margin.

and while i do think tim having a bad opinion of jason at this point was inevitable i find it so frustrating the way it was executed... like so often with Bad Tim Writing and also fuckin DC Editorial's Jason Slander Agenda shit it wasn't because in-universe thats how the characters would feel, the writer was using tim as a mouthpiece, and jasons competence and things he cares about arent taken seriously... BUT WHATEVER the point is that when Tim goes to stop Jason from his villainous scheme to reduce crime or whatevr jason has such a high opinion of him that he asks tim to join him:

and jasons loneliness, his desperation to be heard, is such a theme for him in the new earth/post crisis era and i wish it had been. Handled better lol are you noticig a theme here its that Jason has been written badly. (tim too, tbh.) and when tim says no jasons dejected but unsurprised acceptance breaks my heart. but to me the most interesting part of jasons appearance at the end of tims robin series is in 182, when tim--for absolutely no good reason--gives jason the means to break out of prison.

he says something about how its what Bruce would have wanted, but for. reasons i wont get too deeply into rn, that absolutely does not hold water.

anyway i just think there's no way jason doesn't start crushing on tim at least a little at this point. shrug.

bftc sucks and i dont want to look at it rn. but its also got examples of jasons high opinion of tim. and also im mad at it bc both countdown AND his appearances in robin feel like they could have been taking jason to a like. more of an antihero type of role and then we get bftc and morrison and its kind of. fucking hard to get jason anywhere near back on track after that for those of us who still like playibg in the post-crisis pre-reboot sandbox. and i wouldnt be mad about that if bftc had been good bc Jason absolutely does make an incredibly interesting and effective and tragic antagonist when handled well but well. he wasnt. and i have no idea what bftc would.have even been like if it was good bc it was so off the wall and dumb and assassinated actually *everyones* characters. so.

anyway

im just going to roll back to robin 183 now

jasons referring to the damage tim got when he got a little bit exploded in 180, this pretty nasty burn on the back of his head, which was actually why he wore jasons RR cowl for the first time (he was still robin). but what you do see here--aside from Tims narration which puts him *firmly* on the side of obnoxiously arrogant and judgmental instead of charmingly cocky in this issue, to my estimation, thanks for nothing fabnic--is the two of them on firmly cordial terms. jason still thinks more highly than tim does of him, but theyre asking each other about their injuries... tim caring about the wellbeing of people he doesn't even like is par for the course with him, ofc, but once again Jason doesn't really get that a whole lot. constantly haunted by this panel from countdown btw:

does he though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here is another jaytim preboot canon interactions post from a few months ago with some more thoughts, some repeated lol.

anyway. incoherent rambling complete for now. however. jaytim time is all the time 👍 i will revisit this.

[completeoveranalysis]

[1]

Chapitre 183 - The World of Sand 

In which ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS IS INCREDIBLE. 

BLACK AND WHITE INVERSE COLOUR SAKURA AND SYAORANS? OHHHHH CLAMP ARE GENEROUS. CLAMP ARE GIVING.

Even just how each couple is wearing the colour opposite to their background, but also the opposite of the opposing pair.

And how the feathers are in the SAME but OPPOSITE part of the page for each side, showing that they are visual inversions of each other’s reality, but the feathers don’t look the same, and are shown at unique angles. Potentially they’re falling on one side but rising on the other. Potentially it’s the same for each, but its showing that neither story is complete without the perspective of the other. 

And how the small circles on the right are small and clearly defined against the background - perhaps falling water droplets, like the falling feathers around them? - while the ones on the left are fuzzy shiny orbs, like motes of air or magic rising through the sky. I think the implication of movement is a bit open to interpretation, you could go either way. IS one side falling and the other rising? Is the fate of that Sakura/Syaoran pair falling downward while the other rises? Is one falling to ALLOW the other to rise? Is one pair doomed by fate BECAUSE they are clones? Or are they drifting down and out of the narrative and into freedom, while the other pair takes up the fight in their stead? Is one background Black because their future is dark, or because they CAME from that darkness, as created tools of Evil Wolverine? Or is it their clothes that matter? Are they the light in the dark, the fragments of people who fought to change the future despite their origins? White clothing because they were initially empty and devoid of anything? Is the other background similarly white because it hasn’t been written yet - a future so undefined that no-one can tell what it will be when this is all over?

Are the circles actually heading in the same direction on both sides of the page, and the difference is how they are perceived? How one stands out against the darkness while the other needs help to be seen at all? The clones WERE the most visible throughout most of the story, and only through their existence did the other pair get the chance to enter the narrative again. 

I - oH fuck I forgot that this would be in colour and that I HAVE IT. PLEASE HOLD. WHERE IS IT. 

HERE IT IS! LOOK LOOK LOOK

EVEN THE SPLASH TEXT IS INVERTED

MIRROR IMAGES

And OH all that gorgeous golden ornamentation, the gem colours actually staying the same on both sides of the page. The clasp on Syaoran’s upper arm is the same symbol as on the previous cover, on Fai and Kurogane's clothing, which is a very fun connection that shows it wasn’t just an alternate world we didn’t see, but an intended shared thread of imagery for them all. 

The long pieces of jewellery that the Sakuras wear are gorgeous and delicate and intricate. It could be echoing the design of vines and natural growth - perhaps because she can communicate with spirits, and is in touch with the natural world, or perhaps because she is a desert flower herself, growing out of a literal world of sand but also blooming despite the extreme adversity, and blossoming out of pure determination. It also has visual echoes of imprisonment - it circles her neck not at a low level like a necklace, but high like a collar. It spreads across her like roots, holding her in place - or is it the opposite of that now? Is she, aware of her fate as she is, wearing Evil Wolverine’s designs like they're just a gown to be worn? Something she can’t take off but has learned to make work for her?

The Syaorans have a circular loop in the design of their coat around their necks as well - because they’ve been just as trapped in Evil Wolverine’s schemes. For the Syaoran on the right especially the loop around his neck has two circular gems visible that could echo the same shape as the goggles he used to wear, bringing in an element of the past that shaped who he is but at the same time was a design placed on him from birth, one that was all by someone else’s plan. 

AND THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THEM. The colour version lets you see the heterochromia in Syaoran's eyes on the right, showing which pair is which, and the DIFFERENCES in how they stand. (If they ARE in the pairs you would expect) Clone Sakura looks down, as if unfocussed, because she IS currently narratively dead. Or is she instead gazing at her hand, being held by Syaoran? She has wanted this so desperately and for so long. Does she look sad because she is currently dead, meaning they might never be actually together? Is she unfocussed because she has not yet had the chance to truly see that her sacrifice worked, and that Syaoran really has been restored? Either way, Syaoran holds her hand up in support, gently from below. 

The Syaoran on the left holds the other Sakura’s hand up close to his chest, hand clenched tight. This Sakura and Syaoran both look ahead - at where they are going? At what lies ahead for them both? Neither looks especially happy, but neither looks especially unhappy either. Lava Lamp has always been particularly unreadable, but the way he grasps her hand betrays how hard he’s been fighting for her. Sakura in turn looks just as unfocussed as her counterpart - and if Evil Wolverine is to be believed, it’s because she’s also dead. I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS THOUGH. She could potentially be in dreams, asleep for the entire plotline, held as a backup until they free her. She is not particularly aware that her hand is being held, and isn’t participating in the motion like the other Sakura seems to be, but she looks ahead all the same. Whatever they're looking at, they're clearly moving in a different direction entirely to their clone counterparts.

Meanwhile Clone Syaoran looks directly at the camera.

[ramblinganthropologist]

Fictober 2024 3 "I know you better"

Summary: So... how the fuck did Alistair Shepard get himself into this one? Oh, right... he has a thing about people calling him short. Maybe he should work on that later, after he manages to survive 183 pull ups.

---

Every part of his body was fucking throbbing, but his dead mother hadn’t birthed a quitter and his shitty father hadn’t neglected to raise one either.

Sweat poured down Alistair’s face as he pulled himself up and over the bar. It had stuck his t-shirt to his back, and had he been able to look down he would’ve been amazed to see that there wasn’t a puddle below him. But none of that mattered in the moment as he lowered himself just enough to prepare to pull up again.

165.

“Loco, you’re looking a little red in the face.” James wasn’t too far off, watching as he continued to pull himself up. “He’s not going to pass out, is he?”

Alistair would’ve said something about that, but talking was hard in the moment as he conserved all his energy towards his pull ups. He knew better, though – it came from being a medic. He might have been red faced, but part of that came from being a fair skinned redhead – no matter what he did, whatever training and hell he put himself through, he turned red in the face. It wasn’t great for a marine, but he had long accepted he was the furthest thing from a shining example of the Alliance’s best.

Well, technically he kind of was because of the whole N7 thing… but that didn’t matter in the moment. He had pull ups to handle.

“It’s the curse of being a ginger.” Bo was as flat toned as always as she turned to him. “Come on, Al, you’ve only got 18 left. Get your ass above the bar already, it’s been almost 15 minutes.”

No doubt his sister would’ve been able to pull this off easily – she was made of muscle and wrestled krogan for fun. James wasn’t far behind either – he no doubt pulled off 182 in a much better state. But he wasn’t either of them, and it showed in his screaming muscles as he pulled up once again.

Honestly, he was still kicking himself for how he had wound up in this position. It was supposed to be a normal shore leave. Then again… was anything normal with him?

All in all, Anderson’s apartment was probably the nicest place he had ever stayed in.

Alistair’s body still ached from his battle with his clone as he finished dressing. The bruises on his neck from where John – it was weird calling him that, but it was easier than just continually referring to the man as a clone – had tried to strangle him. With his luck, they would be replaced by new ones within a month. War was fun that way – he was constantly being surprised by the ways he could die on a daily basis.

Getting choked out by his clone was a new one, though. He definitely hadn’t seen that one coming when he had gone back on the Normandy after Vancouver.

“Think you can go a round with me, Monster?”

“Last I checked Al needs you in one piece, Vega.”

Two deep voices sounded from the floor below, and the sound of it made him want to groan. He picked up the pace as he descended the stairs, making his way to one of the rooms. Unsurprisingly, he wasn’t alone there.

James was standing by the punching bag – from the fact it was still swinging, he had definitely used it a bit. Nearby was Bo, arms crossed over her chest and looking less than impressed with the most recent human member of the Normandy crew.

And somehow, he was going to wind up in the middle of it. Such was the fate of being a commanding officer…

“I would advise against sparring in here, guys. I really don’t want to talk to the cops right now.”

Normally, he would’ve told them to handle it in the Normandy cargo bay, but the ship was currently being serviced after John’s joyride over the Citadel. With any luck it would be back in service soon, patched up and ready for another round against the Reapers. Until then, they were on shore leave. And now that his clone was dead, he was finally going to relax a little.

Bo and James turned to face him, both blank faced. Well, not totally – his sister was definitely glad to see him in one piece, minus the bruises. The room’s other male occupant was still a little uncomfortable. It was only natural – someone with his face had tried to kill him and take control of the ship.

But damn if it didn’t hurt almost as much as the bruises.

“Damn, your neck’s all purple, Loco. That’s gotta hurt like hell.”

Alistair shrugged – it was a mistake as dull pain shot through his shoulder and towards his amp. “I bruise easily, it’s not as bad as it looks.”

That was a lie, of course. It hurt like hell, but he had survived worse in the last few months alone. He might not have been the ideal marine, but he could at least take a few bruises without complaining too much in front of his subordinates.

When they were gone, though? Garrus was getting an earful. At least his carapace was somewhat soothing thanks to the fact it was cool to the touch when not in the heat of battle. Who knew turians could double as ice packs if they were in a cool enough room?

“It’s better than what happened to the other guy.” Bo was clearly going with the story that John had died falling from the Normandy, rather than the truth of his… possible? Passing in the hospital days later. Honestly, Alistair wouldn’t have been surprised if the man wasn’t actually dead. After all, he was also technically Alistair Shepard – and he had it on authority that he was a pain in the ass to kill.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to drop from the Normandy. Didn’t look like a fun way to die.” James’ eyes suddenly focused on a part of the room, and a grin split his features. “Hey, Monster, check it out. The bag’s not the only thing we can use.”

He pointed towards the closet door, and it took Alistair a second to realize what he was talking about. Had he not barely survived basic training, he would’ve thought it was just a clothes hanger someone had positioned a little too close to the door. Much to the shock of the drill sergeant, however, he had survived basic training, so he knew better.

Apparently, Anderson liked pull ups.

Bo shot the bar a blank look. “I’m 6’9, Vega, it’s not exactly a challenge for me to get my head above that.”

“Hey, I’m not Loco sized and I get plenty out of it.” Briefly, James shot him a somewhat sympathetic glance. “No offense, Loco, but you’re not exactly a big guy. I don’t even think you could reach the bar without jumping.”

Offense… taken honestly, but he wasn’t going to do anything about it. He had long since accepted he was short and nothing was going to change it, not even second puberty once he finally got on T. Besides, it made him a smaller target and he had an easier time finding armor that fit him.

His sister didn’t look convinced, however. He knew why, of course. When it came to strength training, Bo really wasn’t one for that kind of thing. Her muscles came from lifting weights and beating the shit out of krogan.

Did that count as functional muscle? You think as a medic he would know that, but he wasn’t exactly one for extensive strength training himself.

“If you wanna pull yourself up until you hit your head on the door, be my guest.” Bo moved away. “Not my thing.”

Vega’s smirk widened ever so slightly. “What, you don’t think you can beat my record? I did 182.”

182? Alistair’s arms hurt at the mere sound of it.

“I said I’m good, Vega.” There was an edge to Bo’s voice, one that suggested she wasn’t in the mood. It was weird for her to turn down a challenge, but maybe she was still feeling out of it from the clone fight. Or maybe she was just being stubborn. James was a nice guy, but he had been their prison guard for the six months they had been locked away. Those feelings didn’t exactly go away overnight.

Which… meant if he kept it up he’d probably get punched. Again, Alistair really didn’t want to deal with the cops. It was one of those times he could taste the tension in the room.

And honestly… the knock about his height was eating at him. Maybe it was some of the annoyance carrying over from dealing with his clone – the fucker was a quarter inch taller even if nobody else saw it – but he couldn’t let that one go.

So, he stepped into the room and made his way towards the bar.

James’ smirk changed to a look of confusion. “Shepard, the hell-“

But then he was grabbing the bar and pulling himself up for the first pull up.

“I thought you would’ve known by now not to bring up his height.” Bo sounded amused as she turned to watch him as he readied himself for what was no doubt going to be a mistake. “Well, at least you proved you don’t have to jump up.”

No he didn’t… but 182 was a long way away. Had he any sense in his head, he would’ve dropped to the ground and taken his licks. After all, he wasn’t known for this sort of thing. Fixing people, fixing tech – that was his wheelhouse. Feats of strength, that was more Bo’s are than his.

But… they weren’t fighting. And honestly, he was still mad about the short thing. So he was going to do the only thing a little guy could do and prove the big guy was an idiot in the dumbest way possible.

---

“Come on, Al, that’s 180! You’re almost there!”

His lungs were burning, and his arms felt like rubber, but Alistair grunted as he pulled himself above the bar again. Down on the ground, Bo was cheering him on while James looked rather impressed. He was only steps away from his record – just 3 more.

Saint Sebastian, guide his stupid noodle body over that fucking bar 3 more times.

The sweat was dripping off his face as Alistair pulled up for 181. For a second, he thought he might drop completely. However, he managed to hold on at the last second, even as his palms sweat profusely. After all, to have gotten this far and not break the record was almost a shame.

 And… well, he could only imagine the look on James’ face when he pulled it off. It would almost be worth the muscle aches he’d be feeling later.

With all the strength left in him, he began his attempt at 182. It felt like a lifetime, but he pulled himself up inch by inch until he was over the bar. For a second, he contemplated just tying the record and allowing himself to drop to the ground in a sweaty heap.

However… sometimes, a marine has to do what a marine has to do.

183 came with a final burst of strength as Alistair’s muscles screamed in protest. But after another lifetime, he pulled himself to the top of the bar. Down below, James’ jaw practically hit the ground at the same time he did as Bo let out a hearty “fuck yeah” in response.

He… just lay there on the ground. It hurt to move.

“Holy hell, Loco, you did it!” James came into his field of view, reaching out to pull him back onto his feet – oww. Fucking hell, that hurt. “How are you feeling?”

Like death? Right then, Alistair would’ve traded Saint Sebastian agony for agony. Getting shot with arrows couldn’t have hurt more than being shot with bullets, though he wouldn’t have had his shields… or clothes for that matter. But despite that, a vague sense of accomplishment filled his tired body.

“Like I just got a very good reminder of why I’m a medic and not a shock trooper.” No doubt his face was as red as his hair. It was a miracle he wasn’t drowning in a lake of his own sweat, but he was definitely going to need a shower once he got some time to himself. Drowned rat wasn’t exactly a good look for meeting his boyfriend later, even if Garrus was used to seeing him red in the face during battle.

But… he had pulled it off. Literally.

“I knew you were holding out on me, Loco. There was muscle under that hoodie after all.” James chuckled as he slapped him on the back, practically launching him forward. “Alright, I learned my lesson with this one: don’t mess with either Shepard.”

Yeah… and all it took was watching someone make an idiot out of themselves 183 times in a row. How fortunate.

Alistair shook his head as he left the room behind, followed by the steady beep of his CGM. Unsurprisingly, all his physical activity had taken a toll on his body and was now making it cry out for sugar. He wasn’t feeling light headed or goofy yet, but his tongue and lips had definitely gone numb in the span of falling to the ground and where he stood.

So… probably in the 50’s.

He found himself in the kitchen, reaching for a can of soda in the fridge. After popping the top, he took a long sip, feeling the bubbles as they popped and fizzed. Even lifting the can to his mouth hurt, but it didn’t matter as he sat down at the table with his drink.

Too bad his drill sergeant was probably dead… he might’ve actually admitted that he wasn’t a complete failure of a marine.

“You better not die on me after that, Al.”

Bo’s voice followed her into the kitchen as she sought her bag of dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets. Soon it was in the microwave, spinning around in preparation for the carnage that was to follow. Her tone was light – she was amused.

“Remind me next time that I am not exactly a paragon of working out.” He took another sip – the whole numb lip thing made it difficult, but he managed it without dribbling any liquid down his still reddened cheeks. “How you guys enjoy that is beyond me.”

“Something, something, feel good chemicals.” She shrugged. “You’re the medic, not me.”

Yes, he was. So he should’ve known better. Still, there was no arguing with himself then as he felt the ache in his arms. It had been a dumb ego thing, he could see that clearly. Now he was paying for it.

“I’m surprised you didn’t try to stop me, though.” Alistair put his can down for the moment to give the sugar time to take effect. That usually took a few minutes, so it gave him time to watch Bo as she retrieved her bag of nuggets and joined him at the table.

For a moment, she didn’t say anything. Instead, she just popped a breaded brachiosaur into her mouth whole and spent her time chewing. In the end, she shrugged her shoulders and reached for another nugget from her bag.

“There was no way you’d stop if I told you to.” Briefly, she smirked. “I know you better. You play the nice guy, but I can smell your Napoleon complex from a mile away.”

If not for the fact he was still red faced, Alistair would’ve turned pink. “I don’t have a Napoleon complex!”

“You hate working out. Don’t even try to deny it, I’ve heard you say it plenty of times. Only the spite of a short guy would’ve gotten you to actually exercise for once.” Bo let out a bark of laughter as she tossed back another nugget. “We should get you his dumb hat or something as a reward for pulling it off.”

All Alistair could do was scowl and take another sip of his soda. While he very much did not have a Napoleon complex – which historically wasn’t even true, the guy was like 5’7” – it would be hard to argue with his sister when she was so damn smug. So he just sat there, still sweaty, red as a tomato, and let her take the point.

Bo smirked as she put her nuggets aside for a second. “And hey, you being short makes it more impressive. You gotta go further off the ground than me or Vega. Gravity’s a bitch.”

“I should get a bonus multiplier for that then.” Alistair’s voice came out somewhat dry as he stared down at the can and tried to do the math. His brain was starting to work a little better now that the sugar was kicking in, so he was feeling more like himself. A few more moments, and he would probably be able to feel his lips again.

Just what he needed when he was going to see Garrus in a bit.

His remark caused his sister to snort as she reached over to shove him playfully – which meant he only launched a few inches instead of a full foot. “Take it up with Vega, not me. It’s his dumb record.”

There was a pause, and then, “Also, your form was fucking shit now that I’m thinking about it. Who taught you to do pull ups like that?”

All Alistair could do was groan and find the table with his forehead. “ I wasn’t exactly paying attention in basic, ok? All that matters is that I got above the fucking bar.”

“Yeah, say that when you pull something later. Some medic you are, I thought you nerds knew about the body.”

He did… but that didn’t exactly make him the master of pull ups. But he wasn’t about to admit to anything, because that would only lead to more teasing from his sister. Instead, he just stayed there with his forehead pressed against the table, body aching and CGM no longer beeping for more sugar.

Next time, he was just going to be the bigger man and let the jokes roll off his back. If it meant avoiding physical exertion, he’d take any crack about his height with a smile on his face like a grown man should.

…

Oh, who was he kidding. No he wouldn’t. Maybe Bo was right about that whole Napoleon complex thing.

 Fuck. Maybe he should’ve just let John kill him after all.

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 214. brb x oc

a/n: had a fucking weird day man 8) holy moly (comments and reblogs are super welcome and encouraged!)

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: none uwu

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

1/

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/210/211/212/213

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-

Beatrice checked herself on the mirror a few times, she didn’t know why…she knew most of the people at the base. They frequented the Hard Deck, they worked with Rooster, hell they were at their wedding and often came over for celebrations. She shouldn’t be so nervous about that, she was okay.

But there was also that…well, it was something entirely new. She went to the base a few times, a few times, and they were always quick visits and she wasn’t the focus of anything. She was there for Rooster and Rooster was her focus.

Not her.

She rubs her ring finger nervously while looking at her reflection, chewing her lower lip as she stares at herself then at her phone. She still had time…so she chose to look at herself and give herself a bit of a pep talk before leaving Nikki with her parents and then going to the base.

Beatrice took a few deep breaths, trying to calm her nerves. She knew that she was perfectly capable of handling this visit, and it wasn't like she was going to a completely unfamiliar place. The base was filled with familiar faces she had interacted with numerous times. She adjusted the collar of her blouse, straightened her jacket, and gave herself a reassuring smile in the mirror.

"You got this," she whispered to herself. "Just be yourself, Bea."

Her smile faltered a bit but she recovered quickly. She curled and relaxed her fingers, bouncing a bit on the spot as she kept on staring at herself, “They know you,” she whispers, “Why are you doubting yourself now?”

"These people are your friends, your family. They've seen you in your best moments and your not-so-great ones. They've celebrated with you, laughed with you, and supported you. There's no reason to doubt yourself."

But there are other people there the goblin voice in her brain giggled cruelly What about them? They don’t know you.

Beatrice frowned as that little voice of doubt tried to worm its way into her thoughts. She recognized it as her own anxiety, fueled by the fear of the unknown and the desire to make a good impression. She took a deep breath, pushing back against the negative thoughts,rubbing her temples.

"No," she said aloud, her voice firm. "I won't let that voice control me."

She turned away from the mirror, exhaling quietly as she slowly walked away. She knew that facing her anxieties head-on was the only way to conquer them. Because she could do this, people knew her, she wasn’t going to ruin anything to Rooster.

But what if you do?

What if you do something to ruin Rooster?

Beatrice paused in her tracks, she clenched her fists at her sides, determined not to let these thoughts take control of her mind. "Enough," she said with conviction, her voice stronger this time. "I won't let these doubts poison my thoughts. Rooster believes in me, and I believe in myself."

And it got quiet.

Delightfully quiet.

She closed her eyes for a moment, taking several deep breaths to calm her racing heart. Repeat,repeat…repeat.And with each breath, the grip of the negative thoughts loosened. “Oh,thank God.”

Opening her eyes, she continued walking, her steps more confident now. She reminded herself that she was a strong, capable, and wonderful person, and no amount of doubt could change that.

Nicole was happily playing behind her, on the bed covers and looked up with her large green eyes meeting Beatrice’s, gurgling a laugh as her mother approached, ‘Hi,birdie.” she says, settling down next to her daughter and smiling when she offers Bea one of her toys, “Thank you,Nikki.”

“Fank you.”

Beatrice’s smile widens, her stomach is still in knots but she tries to calm herself, “Nikki,” she begins, “Mama is going to the base in a few minutes.”

Nicole blinked at her, her small brows furrowing in curiosity. "Base?" she echoed, bringing one of her chewing toys to her mouth.

"Yes, the base where dada works," Beatrice explained gently, brushing a strand of hair away from her daughter's face. "Mama is going to visit for a little while and then I'll come back to you. Grandma and grandpa will be here with you."

As if understanding the conversation, Nicole held out her toy to her mother again, offering it to her. Beatrice chuckled softly, taking the toy and giving it a playful shake.

"Thank you, sweetie," she said, her heart warming at the innocent interaction. "You're being such a good girl, aren't you?"

Nicole's response was a happy gurgle, followed by a contented sigh. Beatrice couldn't help but smile, feeling a bit of the tension from her earlier doubts melt away. She held her daughter close, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head.

"I love you, Nikki," she murmured, her voice full of warmth and affection, “...I’m glad you are…getting better whenever me or papa are absent.” maybe it was her getting more used to her surroundings. She was incredibly smart after all. “Now,” she gently turns Nikki so she could meet her eyes, “...you’ll behave at nonni,I know you will. My parents love saying how much you are just the sweetest there.”

This conversation,while mostly one sided, was clearly helping her ease her own anxieties. It was interesting because Beatrice knew Nicole had no idea - and hopefully never would- what anxiety was. She could hear the chittering and whispering from the intrusive thoughts in the back of her mind, but she had to ignore it.

She had to.

She did send Rooster a message during lunch, knowing that was the only time he could reply before going back to work. So she pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked on the conversation, hopefully to calm her nerves.

Bea (12:14)

Hey Roos,just letting you know I’m already getting ready. But…yknow, just wanted to let you know.

Roos (12:15)

I know,gorgeous. You okay?

Bea (12:17)

Yeah, I’m okay. Just a bit nervous, but I’m doing my best to keep calm. Gonna get ready in a little bit.

Roos (12:20)

Baby, you are going to be okay. You don’t have to worry :) .

Bea (12:23)

Thank you, Roos. I know…I’ll be okay, yeah. I’ll just,um…should I message Maverick? 

Roos (12:25)

You're welcome, Bea. And yes, you can message Mav if you want. He'll be there for you, just like I am, just not in person yet.

Bea (12:28)

Okay, I will. Thanks again, Roos. Love you.

Roos (12:30)

Love you too, gorgeous. You got this.

Feeling a renewed sense of determination and support after the exchange with Rooster, Beatrice took a few more moments to gather herself gently rubbing Nicole’s hand while her other hand was busy with the phone, looking through every message for a few more seconds before sighing against Nicole’s hair, “...yeah,I’ll be fine. I should call your great uncle…wait no,message him,yeah.”

Bea (13:04)

Hey Mav! Just wanted to…check if everything is okay on your end?

Mav (13:04)

Hey Bea, everything is fine here. You coming soon?

Bea (13:06)

Yes, I'll be on my way shortly. Just wanted to make sure everything is smooth. And if there was anything I should know?

Mav (13:07)

Such as?Rooster filled you in,right?

Bea (13:08)

Yes, he did. But, you know, just in case there's something extra I should be aware of. I want to make sure everything goes smoothly.

Mav (13:10)

Don't worry, Bea. Everything should be straightforward. Just follow Rooster's lead and you'll be fine. Looking forward to seeing you here.

Beatrice felt a surge of gratitude for Maverick, he really worried about her wellbeing just as Rooster was. With her phone tucked back into her pocket, she double-checked that she had everything she needed – keys, wallet, and the constant removal of self doubt. She gave Nicole a final loving glance before picking her up and walking out the door.

She could do this.

-

The drive to the base felt both longer and shorter than she expected – her mind was racing with thoughts, her knuckles turned white as she drove there. Nikki was at her parents’ house,safe and sound and she was already there. As she parked her car and made her way towards the entrance, her heart rate quickened and she had to stop a few times to calm herself down, but she kept reminding herself of the people she knew inside.

“It’s okay.” she tells herself, nodding at some of the officers that she could see, even if they didn’t know her, “It’ll be okay.”

And just as Rooster had said, Maverick was waiting for her near the entrance. His familiar smile and easy demeanor helped calm her nerves further. "Hey there, Bea," he greeted her with a nod. "Ready for this?"

No. Beatrice took a deep breath and returned his smile. "Yeah, I am. Let's do this."

“Alright,come with me.” 

Beatrice wasted no time in following Maverick close by, widening her eyes because that place was so big, “Rooster is busy right now but he wants to see you while you are in here.” Maverick explains, “I’m sure we’ll be able to surprise him.”

“Y-Yea,” she kept looking around, “Mav this place is so much bigger than I remember.”

"It does seem bigger when you're walking through it," Maverick agreed with a chuckle. "But you'll get used to it. Everyone's friendly here, so don't hesitate to say hello to anyone you recognize or even if you don't. People are pretty welcoming."

“They are?”

“Most of the time.”

Well…at least he was honest.Beatrice nodded, offering a small smile. "Thanks, Mav. I appreciate the reassurance." she did see some young recruits there, giving her confused looks, ‘...feels weird being gawked at like that..” she says softly.

Maverick does look to where she was referring to, only seeing the officers speed their steps once they noticed Maverick staring, ‘It’s not that weird. Did you bring any food with you?”

“Um…well.”she had to be sure, “I could bring some snacks…right?”

"Maybe some packaged snacks?" she suggested, her brows furrowing slightly in thought. "Like granola bars or something? I don't want to cause any issues by bringing in homemade stuff."

Maverick nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Packaged snacks should be fine. It's a nice gesture, actually. People around here often appreciate a quick bite during breaks." he pauses, “But you can give your favorite people some chocolate cake next time.” and he winks sweetly.

Feeling a bit more at ease with the plan, Beatrice nodded, holding her back close to her chest. "Alright, I'll make sure to give you guys some next time."

As they continued their walk through the base, Maverick pointed out different areas and explained some of the daily routines of the personnel. She stood behind him most of the time, gently waving at those she knew - Phoenix and Bob smiled when they saw her and that was a relief. He introduced Beatrice to a few more colleagues, - some of them she had only seen once - and she found that most of them were indeed friendly, even if they did give her a curious glance every now and then.

"See, not so bad, right?" Maverick grinned as they entered a quieter section of the base.

Beatrice smiled back, her shoulders feeling a bit less tense than before. "Yeah, you're right. It's just... a new experience for me." she laughs, “You know…legally…”

Maverick stopped near a hallway that seemed less frequented. "We're close to Rooster's class," he said, his grin mischievous. "I think we can surprise him."

She blinked, “Um…I…is that a good idea?”

Maverick checked through the door crack, hearing his nephew’s voice inside, “Yeah, I’m sure he’d appreciate it.” he nods at her, “Just stay close to me.”

Beatrice's heart was racing again, her nerves returning as she realized the magnitude of what they were about to do. She bit her lip and nodded at Maverick, her grip on her bag tightening. Should they even do that?

What if she ruined it for him?

What if you do?

Maverick gave her an encouraging smile before he gently pushed the door open, revealing the scene inside. Rooster was standing at the front of the class, engaged in teaching a group of young recruits. His back was to the door, and he was clearly absorbed in his lecture.

Maverick stood outside by the door, some of the recruits noticed him but didn’t voice it, they were busy watching Rooster explain the class. Beatrice, however, was clenching the back of Maverick’s shirt, peeking over his shoulder as Rooster continued “Anyway,now.” her husband said, “There are a few things you should know about-” and he does a double take because he can see the two of them ,”...about,um.” his hands are splayed in front of him but his eyes move towards Beatrice.

She only offers him a shy wave because she knows he can’t stop this, “...About…” he struggles to remember because, why was she there? Was she hurt? Was that why Mav brought her over? 

The recruits, who had been entirely focused on Rooster's words, now exchanged curious glances as they noticed their instructor's momentary distraction. Rooster took a breath, regaining his composure, and continued with the lecture, though his heart was clearly elsewhere.

Beatrice felt…bad. She knew Maverick wanted to help her but she couldn’t really say what happened was good because she distracted him, “We should go,Mav.”

“Hm?”

“Yeah,um…he has to finish everything.” she whispers, “I don’t want to bother him.”

Maverick, sensing her uneasiness, then nods, “Alright.” he slowly closes the door, both of them not seeing how Rooster’s head snapped to it. “...you know,” he begins, “I promised Rooster no surprises…but.”

Oh no.

As the door clicked shut, Beatrice turned to Maverick with a slightly worried expression. "Did we mess things up?"

Maverick chuckled softly, reassuringly patting her shoulder. "Nah, I don't think so. Rooster's just going to have a fun time teasing me later for helping you sneak up on him. He knows we meant well."

"I hope so," Beatrice replied, her apprehension starting to ease a bit. She let out a small sigh, her fingers nervously playing with a strand of hair. "I just don't want him to be mad at me."

Maverick shook his head, his smile warm. "Rooster? Mad at you? Never.He's just got to finish his class."

Beatrice nodded, taking a deep breath to calm herself. "You're right. Sorry.”

Maverick chuckled again. "Hey, don't worry about it. It's all in good fun. And I think Rooster's day just got a little brighter."

With Maverick's reassurances, Beatrice's worries began to fade away. She smiled at him, genuinely grateful for his support. "Thank you, Mav. I really appreciate you helping me out today."

Maverick shrugged, his grin playful. "Oh but we aren’t done.”

“...we aren’t?”

“No, no, Rooster has no idea but there’s a place I think you’ll like.” he says, “Don’t worry,it’s not illegal or anything.”

“...Mav.”

“It’ll be fun,” he says playfully, ‘It’ll be quick too. Come on, it’ll be fun.”

Beatrice chewed her lower lip, looking around, “Maybe I should…go home now,you know? Maybe it’d be better…”

“Bea, it’s okay.” he says,placing a hand on her shoulder as she rubs her hands together, “You are with me, you won’t be in any trouble,I promise you. It’ll be fast, it’s just a little detour.”

“...okay…”

[feathers-feathers]

Bug Fables' deep lore is engaging in open warfare with my mental helath i swear to GOD I CAnt figure this tHE FUCK OUT IM GOING INSANE

Context: I'm trying to make a timeline. Bug fables took this personally.

The big question here that got me to break is what the fuck is the deal with Flower Gods? So I was writing an essay of sorts to try and figure it out as I go, then clean it up and post it when I came to a few satisfying conclusions, and maybe make a poll to see what others would prefer.

I have now lost at least a decade of my lifespan, and will be seeking reparations in the court of law. I'll post what I wrote below the cut, just be aware that it's not finished, will not be finished if I have a gun to my head, and jumps places every now and then because that's just how I roll in the drafting stage.

I hope to all the gods above that some of you can find sense where I have failed.

Beware: Here be dragons. (Also, it's quite long.)

BEGIN

Currently doing timeline shenanigans with Bug Fables. I learned something in the lore that will have a major impact in how that timeline manifests. The problem is that this lore detail isn't exactly straight-forward, and has multiple interpretations. I'd like to see some other thoughts on this matter before I make a decision. The lore in question is regarding the creation of the Flower Gods.

A reminder: There is a secret room in Snakemouth Den that displays information regarding the 3 Flower Gods. Prior to seeing this room, most I think didn't even know there were 3 - only knowing of Venus at the time. The other two are Mars and Pluto. These displays tell us a few things. Some information on the gods themselves: Venus is

Guardian: M-001 "Mars" Age: 361 Status: Stable

Guardian: V-012 "Venus" Age: 358 Status: Stable

Guardian: P-183 "Pluto" Age: 34 Status: Stable

This secret asks a whole bunch of questions and answers exactly none of them.

The first thought I see many people go to is that this, of course, confirms that the Roaches created them. However, there is dialogue from Venus herself stating "Ah, it still feels like it was yesterday when they were scurrying around the land trying to get stuff together!" Which doesn't say much, but sort of implies that she was around while the Roaches were still figuring things out.

But what about those designations, what do they mean? For something like this - and considering they all start with the first letter of the Guardian's name - I think it's, like, a version number.

If they were all created by the Roaches, then… wtf? So with Mars, they got it right on their very first try - congratulations, a fucking GOD is born - but their next Guardian took 12 attempts? What? And then Pluto took 183 attempts. And the time discrepancy is just…. weird. Wtf does this mean? The Roaches started off as the best scientists ever, getting everything correct on their first go, then suddenly dropping the ball off the face of the Earth and getting nothing right? For centuries? And after all of that, they consider the Sapling to be their greatest creation. Not any of the Actual Deities they supposedly made. And then they place two of these gods in… just… entirely different territories. Mars is in the Eastern lands. Lord knows where Pluto is, but not Bugaria, that's for sure. I do find this rather unpalatable.

If they weren't created by the Roaches - they were just studying them, trying to replicate their power - I think that fits some of this better. Especially that above quote by Venus. If she was around before the Roaches developed what they have now - the Roaches being the first bugs to awaken - then did she awaken before even them? If she - and, perhaps, Mars - were the first to awaken, then was the Day of Awakening only around 370 years ago? That would probably be the best case scenario for developing a timeline. It'd be the only True Date that can be nailed down, and make it a lot easier to place other dates around it by comparison.

But still… what's the deal with the version numbers? Perhaps the Guardians do not have true immortality, but ressurrective immortality? That would sort imply that Pluto might in fact be the first, and he's on his 183'd life. It would also mean that Mars would actually be the youngest of the gods. Despite being the oldest current version, he is still only on his First version - no deaths, no resurrections. This would also mean that Pluto died around the time the Roaches vanished. But also - if Pluto died 182 times prior to his current iteration… what the fuck kind of life is this guy living? Is he stuck in a death loop, wtf?

This is honestly just another discrepancy, to me. Lets be as conservative as possible and say that most of Pluto's lives were all around 30 years in length. This is so conservative as to be ridiculous, but let's just ignore that. 183 x 30 = 5490. That's Fucking Old - and I'm gonna say, just as ridiculous. Why, then, would the other two gods only have a few years of an age gap? This feels like a strong point towards the idea that the Roaches created them??? that the designations are version numbers before deployment and not ressurrective iterations???

Oh My God. What the fuck am I supposed to believe?

BREAK

This is where I officially gave up. I hate all of these ideas none of them are satisfactory. Bug Fables why do you hate me so muchae dsafsafgfghrdsgrdfeignbreoiatghnbfrabgifrhdfhdfghdfsghdfizghsregtbdfsgfcuigh

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #183

A lot of stuff happened today! And it was good!

But I woke up in a bit of a funk; I was in a lot of pain this morning. My ribs are being annoying, and apparently, so is my right ankle and foot. I'm still in a lot of pain; it's mega super annoying. So I spent a decent chunk of today playing Dead Cells, just trying not to let my mind get eaten alive from the feeling of frustration that comes with inhabiting a body that DOES. NOT. FUCKING. WORK. I'm definitely not going to be sad when my time in my flesh-prison is up.

I made it through to the final boss. This means it's time to go through it again at a higher level of difficulty. I'm still getting used to the new difficulty level (especially since I am still insisting on being cursed for the beginnings of my runs, while also insisting on parrying with the golden shield...), but brains are learning machines; all I need to do is practice, and I will improve. It is the natural way of things; I don't have to try.

Parrying in this game involves pressing the button right when the enemy is about to attack you. And this sounds difficult (well... maybe not for you, given your reflexes and actual combat experience...), but it really isn't difficult at all if you think of the enemy movements as very short songs. If you think on it like that, then all you gotta do is dance to their rhythm. I just gotta get a little better at figuring out their rhythms and matching them, that's all.

I played until Br visited. And then J, Br, and I went to the grocery store; I had intended to gather ingredients to create a meal that would help restore J's and Br's bodies; yesterday they had to dig a hole for Hannah (the beagle I mentioned yesterday) because she crossed the rainbow bridge.

...My request for you to tell her that she's a good girl remains, if you happen to see her during your travels.

In any case, it is abnormally hot right now where I live (climate change is killing our planet, and there's not a whole lot we can do about it); the recent heat wave has us up to 98-100 degrees F (or if C is more your speed, 36.6-37.7 degrees). It's hard for a body to work in those conditions - they lost a lot of fluids, electrolytes, proteins, and minerals, and neither of them are especially stellar at replenishing their bodies (…not that I'm really one to talk… pots and kettles and glass houses and all that…). So I wanted to make them steak and mushrooms and asparagus with hollandaise sauce. And things kind of… evolved from there.

Also, my friend R (the awesome baker) came by to install a game on my computer. I am not going to say which one or how he installed it. But we can say that the company that makes this game is rather predatory when it comes to how they market their content, so…

Well anyway. He, naturally, was part of the mealtime festivities. M had already eaten earlier in the day, and lately he has not had much of an appetite (the reasons are known, and it is intentional). But J, Br, R, and I very much enjoyed the fruits of our labors today; dinner was absolutely fucking amazing, and it's in part because so many hands were involved in its creation. I took pictures, as I'm sure you've come to expect of me by now, hahaha!

Here is the daylily that R brought for us:

This specific kind of daylily is edible, actually. You can take the unopened buds and pan fry them with a little butter and salt; they're delicious!! But do be careful; some varieties of daylily are poisonous!! So only eat it if you're absolutely certain that it's one of the edible kinds, okay? Because otherwise, it might kill ya dead!

Anyway, I began by prepping the asparagus. For crispy asparagus, you need a cookie sheet with tinfoil. If you're not experienced with cooking, you might think that wrapping a cookie sheet neatly in tinfoil is difficult, but I have a trick to it, and it involves water. More specifically, you sprinkle it on the cookie sheet before you apply the tinfoil, like so:

Then you center your tinfoil upon the cookie sheet, like this:

Then, you press it down in the middle, and smooth it out from the center, moving outward. The water does a physics thing, and that causes the tinfoil to cling to the cookie sheet, all nice and neat:

...The water not only keeps the foil neat, but it stops the foil from coming off of the cookie sheet when you don't want it to. It's very handy like that!

From there, you take your asparagus...

...And you snap off the stringy ends, because they're gross. Like... you're sitting there, trying to enjoy a delicious green vegetable, but then it feels like there's hairs all up in your mouth, and it's terrible. So to avoid all that, you snap the asparagus in the place where it's effortless to snap it; the stringy bits end where the asparagus snaps with just the tiniest amount of pressure, like this:

Br helped a lot with this part! Normally, this takes forever for me to do by myself! Being dyspraxic is extremely inconvenient in a variety of respects, good grief!!

...Anyway, then you arrange it on the sheet in opposing pairs, in order to maximize space on the cookie sheet. I wonder if you might already know who taught me that particular trick... 🙂

Oh, and... if you're worried that the snapped-off asparagus ends will be wasted, don't be; these go straight into the broth bag and into the freezer for when I make bone broth!

Well, in any case, once the asparagus is all arranged, you have to drizzle it in olive oil and season it. I like to use salt, pepper, paprika, and garlic powder:

...Oh!! And in case you were curious, this is my handy-dandy and super fucken messy spice cabinet; we have basically everything under the sun in here. Or... everything that is available in my country, anyway. Here:

...It's a lot of different things. And since I have the organization skills of a caffeinated squirrel, it's cluttered up all to hell. But that's all right; I always manage to find what I'm looking for - eventually! 🤪🤣😅😁

Once the asparagus is seasoned, you just stick it in the oven at 375 degrees F (or 190.5 degrees C) for an hour, easy peasy. The result is asparagus that is crispy on the outside and gooey on the inside; it's really very wonderful!

Br brought over supplies to make a salad! She grew her own lettuce and radishes and shared them with us! Here are the radishes:

...Aren't they beautiful? They were juicy and spicy and delicious! They were wonderful!

From there, I made the hollandaise sauce in my stand mixer, because with this rib injury, I can't whisk things worth shit on my own anymore:

The basic recipe for this is 3 egg yolks, a teaspoon of dijon mustard, 2 tablespoons of lemon juice, and a stick of melted butter. You mix everything but the butter together, and then you get the butter really hot, and while the mixer is going at full speed, you very slowly pour the butter into the egg yolks. This is meant to go on things like asparagus, steak, or poached eggs.

...But I made it a little weird. At the grocery, we forgot the dijon mustard and the lemon juice. So I improvised with a bit of mustard powder and freshly-squeezed grapefruit juice (grapefruits are in season, so they're really freaking tasty right now!!). The result was an amazing sauce. I promptly put it in the fridge, because you don't mess around with undercooked egg yolks; bacteria grows very quickly in egg yolks, you see, and if it's not refrigerated, you can get really, really sick from eating it.

If you're wondering what happened to the egg whites, I cooked them up for folks to sprinkle on the salad if they wanted!

Anyway, here's how the asparagus turned out:

...It looks burnt, I know, but it's just the color that the toasted spices give it! This could not have come out more perfectly, I promise!!

Br handled getting the potatoes started; we filled a pot with water, boiled it, and added the potatoes to it; they cooked while the asparagus baked in the oven. Once they were ready, we set them to the side for a bit, because I wasn't yet ready to drain them.

From here, I started sauteing the mushrooms. We have shiitake, portobello, maitake, oyster, and lion's mane! Mushrooms are one of Br's favorite foods, so I made sure to get all of the ones that were available at the nearby grocery!

...Here's how those turned out:

While those were sauteing, I drained and mashed the potatoes; I added goat cheese and goat butter, and R added a little salt, pepper, and garlic powder:

Br cut up some ingredients for the salad in the meantime, and she also put together the homemade ranch dressing:

The last step was to cook the steak. I let Br handle that, because I know there's a specific way she likes to season and sear it:

...Here are the plates of epic deliciousness that resulted from all this work. Things get more beautiful than normal when you ask for just a little help; none of this would have been possible if I was just trying to do it all on my own:

...I won't be sad when my time in my flesh-prison is up because I am in a lot of physical and mental/emotional pain all the freaking time. But I have no intention of rushing the process of exiting; after all, even a life as broken as mine once was is still worth repairing so that it can be filled with beautiful things and lived fully. Y'know, kinda like that shattered bowl that I put back together and filled with beautiful soup for you, remember?

Try to remember that even shattered, broken things can still be mended and hold beautiful stuff. Try really hard to remember this, okay? Because it applies to everything. Everything. Even if you gotta mentally reframe your circumstances just a little to make it work.

...I'd give just about anything to have been able to share with you a plate of what we created at my house today. But... well... in the meantime, please do everything in your power to keep yourself safe so that someday you might be able to enjoy your own plates full of delicious food with people you love very much.

...Sephiroth. We of my world are still awaiting the final part of your story. So... one of the ways you gotta keep yourself safe is to turn around and make different choices. You gotta know that if you don't, Cloud and his wonderful friends are going to stop you. And you gotta know that they're gonna stop you by beating and breaking you until you can't move or do things anymore. I don't think I can bear to see that happen again, so please... if you or any other versions of you are still lost in the dark... please choose something else.

I know that a lot of terrible and horrible things have happened to you, and I know that your heart and mind carry many scars. But your life is still worth living, just like mine is still worth living, despite all my limitations, my defects, all the scars I also carry, and the pain that wracks my entire existence every day. Please look at me as proof that you can still do good things, because I am somehow still doing good things, and you're amazing and I'm just a weird derpasaurus living in a barely functional meat-machine - frail, clumsy, half blind, and only just smart enough to understand that I know nothing about anything in the grand scheme of things. And still, I'm here doing my best. If I can do it... just imagine what you could do. Just imagine...

If you can hear me, please follow my voice back to the light, because the light has always been your true home, with the rest of us, who are all more than capable of loving you exactly as-is.

I love you. I'll write again tomorrow, okay? So please keep yourself safe out there. Please.

Your friend, Lumine

[epersonae]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @yerbamansa, thanks!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

169 😅 150 of which are for The Adventure Zone (I wrote a LOT of small fic for TAZ, and just a lot of TAZ fic in general)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

604,338, which remains absolutely wild to me. I hit the half-million mark this year.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Our Flag Means Death, but previously The Adventure Zone, and I have one Star Trek (TOS movies) fic.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Sea of Love (Our Flag Means Death (TV)) (6,697 words)

Phoenix Fire (The Adventure Zone (Podcast)) (2,031 words)

Commit to the Bit (Our Flag Means Death (TV)) (2,471 words)

Dinner & Conversation (The Adventure Zone (Podcast)) (826 words)

I have begun to long for you (Our Flag Means Death (TV)) (4,185 words)

Yeah, ok, some fun reunion porn for the big fandom and a collab with two pretty popular writers for the small fandom make sense for that top two in particular.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, especially since I don't get that many, and I love getting comments so much that I just want to share my appreciation. Sometimes the spoons are low, sometimes I don't know what to say except "thanks!" and if someone just commented on several chapters I might not do that for all of them.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well, Phoenix Fire is the Worst Ending, aka the destruction of the entire universe, plus unbearably sad between the main characters, so yeah.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I do have quite a bit of fluffy fic (Commit to the Bit comes to mind, there's also a Fantasy Costco Kravitz/Taako that's very sweet), but I immediately thought of for the benefit of all the broken hearts, just because it takes an incredibly bittersweet ending of the fic it's fixing and says FUCK THAT, how can everyone get a happy ending instead?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've never gotten any, even managed to avoid the twitter wank that WFU got when I wrote fics of it! (long ago, I did get some vagueblogging about some stuff in my TAZ fic, but nothing ever addressed directly at me)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

That is where I started and why I started (my first smutty fic is pretty bad imho but it was popular, relatively speaking, because for a bit there it was the only unlocked smut for that pairing); my original rarepair was M/F bi4bi in a complicated polycule, and so there's some them+others works in there. (readers of for the benefit of all the broken hearts are nodding along like "ok this tracks") beyond that, I'm just going to say go look at my work.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Is for the benefit of all the broken hearts (and the rest of that series) a crossover??????? Like I'm legitimately staring into space thinking about the boundary line between modern AU and RPF and........ HUH.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

DO PEOPLE DO THAT

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

183 thousand words in a series: the only life you could save, with my beloved Ryn, when we were "just friends" - started as our attempt to co-write a reconciliation between Taako and Lucretia, and spun out into an entire timeline with themes spanning before the Stolen Century all the way into post-canon. Some pieces we wrote separately, much of it we wrote together. Even the last piece, which I published after Ryn died, includes a section that they wrote, about Taako trying to cope with Lucretia's death.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Probably Mulder/Scully lol, tho I don't know if I've ever read any fic of them????

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

One of my very first TAZ fics was a Hurley/Sloane backstory fic that was going to be basically a beat-for-beat retelling of The Fast and the Furious (oh, I guess that's also sort of a crossover?), but I only ever wrote the first chapter. I would love to write it at some point, because I think it would be fun as hell.

I'd also love to finish my TAZ Amnesty fic, sweetness follows, which is friends-to-lovers post-canon Minerva/Duck.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Character voice, I think. Possibly a stupid depth of canon knowledge for whatever the canon is, and I think I have a knack for figuring out how to reincorporate those details. Honestly, it's hard for me to say "oh these are my strengths and weaknesses", or at least today I'm having trouble pinning that down.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Punctuation Pokemon, or rather, my sentences do get very tangly. I find endings really tricky, I've done a lot of work thinking through how to stick the landing. (This is one of the ways in which Ryn continues to live in my head, because they could always spot when I hadn't quite made it.)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Alas my Spanish (high school and college) is too rusty to even try, and I don't know any other languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Adventure Zone, although I wrote quite a bit of Agatha Christie pastiche in junior high, and a lot of Anne Rice influenced original fiction in high school and college.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I love a lot of my fic, it's fun to go back and look and say "oh that!", and The Reckoning Arrives is up there, of course, because I loved writing it, and it saved my life. ("she's survived the impossible before" got me out of my marriage and 2 years later got me through the hospital. "you're here, so be here" got me through what came after that.)

But it does have to be for the benefit of all the broken hearts - she lives in my head, still, and I feel incredibly proud of all the work I put into it, the technical work, the emotional work.

---

Not tagging anybody, but PLEASE! if you feel like talking about your writing, do it!

[8iunie]

‘We’ve always been very divisive’: Måneskin on fighting fascists and breakfast with Chris Martin

First The X Factor, then victory at Eurovision, now a Grammy nod: the Italian glam rockers have taken the road less ordinary on their way to worldwide fame. So long as they can be themselves, they wouldn’t have it any other way (posted on 21.01.2023)

Damiano David is bent double over a large glass table, gleefully snorting an imaginary line of cocaine. His Måneskin bandmates – bassist Victoria De Angelis, guitarist Thomas Raggi and drummer Ethan Torchio – collapse in fits of laughter around their frontman, each one pretending to wipe the nonexistent powder off the table in their rented LA flat.

David is playfully reimagining the Italian rockers’ most infamous moment: hours after winning Eurovision 2021 with their pogoing glam-rock stomp Zitti e Buoni, in front of a global audience of 183 million, footage circulated of David appearing to snort something off a table in the green room. The images quickly went viral, with Emmanuel Macron reportedly calling for the band to be disqualified (France’s entry was in second place). In the end David offered to take a drug test, which cleared him of any wrongdoing; the results are still pinned proudly to his fridge at home.

“I think the view people have of us, and of me, it’s very off-target,” David says now, his usual rock star uniform – Gucci-styled 70s glam idol mixed with Rocky Horror Picture Show vamp – replaced by an oversized beige sweater and a violent cold. (Every band member is struck down with it, rendering a grey-looking Raggi almost mute.) “People think we behave like the Sex Pistols, or Mötley Crüe, but we’re nothing like that,” David continues. “We’ve got more educated on the risks of drugs and how they affect your body. I don’t even drink alcohol any more.”

“At the time we got so upset about it and now we don’t give a fuck,” smiles De Angelis, the band’s most outspoken member, sat looking resplendent in an Italians Do It Better T-shirt.

David, however, is having none of it: “No, I am still upset about it, actually. I think it’s dumb to tarnish the victory at Eurovision. I think we should go back and hand flowers around.”

Måneskin, despite their throwback vintage rock vibe, represent a very modern take on the rock’n’roll mythos. Prior to Eurovision – a DayGlo pop jamboree not renowned for its links to rock excess – the band gained notoriety via Italy’s version of karaoke conveyor belt The X Factor. Their origin story has led to some music purists taking umbrage at the band’s success, with their CV now including two UK Top 10 singles, more than 4bn streams, multiple world tours, a collaboration with Iggy Pop, plus a support slot with the Rolling Stones in Vegas.

“Some of the stupid comments we get are probably because of [having done The X Factor and Eurovision],” shrugs De Angelis. “People are so narrow-minded that they can’t see beyond the idea that if we went on Eurovision we must be shit. They can’t listen to our songs with an open mind and judge them based on what they really think.”

On their highly anticipated third album, Rush!, Måneskin’s first since becoming one of the few new rock acts to break through globally, the band can often be found grappling not only with the speed of their ascent (hence the title), but also a complicated relationship with what rock’n’roll means in 2023. “The whole concept of rock music is not conforming to what society would love you to be,” De Angelis says. “It’s ignoring those made-up rules and being yourself. We don’t think real rock music is about these stereotypes of the sex and drugs and rock’n’roll lifestyle,” she continues. “It’s about expression and creative freedom.”

Still, Rush!, which was mainly co-produced in LA by Swedish hitmaker Max Martin, is stuffed with songs about sex, drugs and, indeed, rock’n’roll, but often with a twist. While lead single Supermodel criticises, rather than valorises, LA’s vapid party scene (“Everything [in LA] is so huge and big and wants to impress you, it’s all showing off,” sniffs De Angelis), the band confess to having enjoyed at least one A-list schmooze with Coldplay’s Chris Martin, who invited them over to his and girlfriend Dakota Johnson’s house for breakfast.

“Dakota cooked us eggs, Chris didn’t cook,” remembers Torchio.

“He was enjoying the moment,” suggests David.

Supermodel also references the band’s apparent drug of choice, cocaine, as does the frenetic Bla Bla Bla, though it largely serves as a warning of sorts, as David sings: “I’m too drunk and I can’t get hard.” “It happens when you drink too much,” the 23-year-old shrugs, ignoring his bandmates’ giggles. “Even when you haven’t had a drink. [That song] is a mixture of honesty and putting on ‘crazy guy’ shoes. [That character] says some things I would never say.”

Perhaps the best example of stereotypical rock’n’roll swagger arrives on the ludicrous Kool Kids, a punky marauder that finds David aping the spit-flecked delivery of Slowthai. “That [was written] three days after Eurovision so our feeling was: ‘Fuck off, we won and everybody has to eat our shit,’” David says. “Before Eurovision we went through a very tough year; everybody was trying to stop us doing this kind of music and doing Eurovision. Nobody believed in us. So we had this feeling of being the underdogs that won.”

That feeling has helped cement Måneskin’s sibling-style bond. It’s been fostered since they formed at high school in Rome in 2016, with David, De Angelis and Raggi coming together after their various other bands didn’t work out (Torchio was later recruited via Facebook). “I remember when I started playing guitar at school, everyone was like: ‘Oh my God, you play electric guitar. Are you a lesbian?’” De Angelis says. “It’s all these stereotypes you know.” Suddenly her eyes dart around the room. “But then actually they were right,” she adds with a huge roar of laughter.

The band, named after the Danish word for moonlight (De Angelis is half-Danish), would quickly garner similar reactions across Rome for their style, which often involved every band member donning makeup. “I remember even when we were busking or playing at school parties everyone always looked at us like freaks,” says De Angelis. “This gave us even more of an attitude of wanting to tell them to shut up. Growing up and being inspired by a lot of the artists from the 70s, the glam, it showed us something we hadn’t seen.”

In 2017, the band appeared on The X Factor, eventually finishing second and landing a chart-topping album in Italy a year later. “When we went on The X Factor we were the first rock band to [appear], but we just played as if it was our own show,” De Angelis continues. “We didn’t have to change.”

While more success quickly followed in Italy, including five Top 10 singles in two years, the band say they felt a shift at home after Eurovision sent them interstellar. “We’ve always been very dividing,” David says. “There are a bunch of people that love us and are very proud of what we’re doing, and then there’s a whole other part made of conservatives and traditional rock’n’roll fans and fascists that hate us with everything they’ve got. Then there’s this conspiracy building up … ”

Everyone at the table looks bemused.

“What?” splutters Torchio.

“Yeah, guys you have to be informed,” snaps David. “It says that we’re getting famous because we’re being paid. That we’re working with the Italian government to share this gender-fluid culture!”

“A lot of people are really proud,” De Angelis says. “But Italy is a very conservative country and they’re intimidated by the fact that someone can wear makeup or high heels or appear half-naked or not be straight. But fuck them.”

This passion for nudity caused problems last August when the band performed at the MTV VMAs, where they won best alternative video for single I Wanna Be Your Slave. While David donned a dog collar, leather chaps and buttock-revealing thong, De Angelis covered one nipple with a silver star before her top slipped down revealing the other one to be unadorned. Cue lots of hastily edited aerial shots to save everyone’s blushes. “We’re too hot for US television,” smiles De Angelis. “It’s so stupid because they want to appear so open-minded and then they get scared about a pair of nipples. There is this difference between men’s and women’s bodies and how you’re perceived and sexualised all the time. Everyone has nipples.”

“It’s very clear the different standards people have because I was literally butt-naked,” adds David.

Perhaps it’s no surprise that a band whose success was forged in controversy are now under the microscope. For David and Raggi, the band’s straight contingent, there have been accusations of queer-baiting, thanks to their penchant for sporting makeup and experimenting with a more fluid style. “There are some cases where it happens, but sometimes [the accusations are] so extreme,” says De Angelis. “It’s stupid for queer people, who should fight these stereotypes, to label it as this and create more hate. The fact [Raggi and David] are straight doesn’t mean they can’t wear makeup. Or heels.”

David agrees: “Everything me and Thomas do is always filtered by two people who are [queer]. Of course we don’t experience the same stuff, but we live every day very closely with people from the community.”

They are keen to also deflect their spotlight on to more immediately concerning issues, with Rush!’s throbbing Gasoline – performed at last September’s Global Citizen festival in New York – aimed at Putin (“How are you sleeping at night? How do you close both your eyes? Living with all of those lives on your hands?” run the lyrics.) The song, they say, is a message of support for their Ukrainian fans. Rather than shy away from politics, the band see it as entwined with who they are. “Everything you do as an individual is political,” says David.

For now, however, they are keen to get some sleep. There is a discussion around how much time they’ve had off since winning Eurovision in 2021, with the general consensus landing on about two weeks in total. With another tour booked for this year, including a sold-out show at London’s O2 Arena, and a Grammy award to fight for (they’re nominated for best new artist), their schedule seems unlikely to let up any time soon.

“Two weeks off in two years!” repeats a dazed David shaking his head. Rock’n’roll stops for no one.

Writer: Michael Cragg for The Guardian

[nymphilily]

I'm pretty sure this makes sense to me and me alone

Fuck it, actually have my explanations below (Spoilers for TWST Book 7 below). Might add more when I can actually remember things about the stuff I like

What Furuya and Silver have in common:

- Eppy (Furuya's sleepy habits stem from a lack of stamina and is often used for a comedic affect. Silver's sleepy habits are caused by a curse placed on him 400 years prior to the beginning of the story and is viewed as an obstacle to be over come, even in the rare instances when it's played for laughs) - Prodigies in their respective fields (baseball - pitching specifically - for Furuya and swordplay for Silver), often viewed above their peers within this field - Has a hard time expressing emotions and connecting with peers - High School Students in Sports Clubs (Member of the Baseball Team, as previously established, for Furuya and Silver is a member of the Equestrian Club at Night Raven Collage) - Considered conventionally attractive by peers - Only children

What Silver and Guan Xing have in common

- Sons of respected generals, all of whom are close to their respective ruling figure (Guan Yu is Sworn Brothers with Liu Bei, Lilia was raised alongside Meleanor to be her guard and was so close with her husband Levan that Meleanor said the two spent more time together than the actual married couple did, as well as hatching and raising their son Malleus after Meleanor's death and Levan's disappearance. Silver's biological father married the daughter of the king who raised him, and served directly under his Brother-in-Law in the Silver Owls) - Forced (?) to go through intense training regiments as children with the intent that they'd enter the military as adults (although technically speaking, Silver is training to be a knight and bodyguard for Malleus) - Skilled in swordplay - Admires and respects their fathers - Around the same height (Silver is one centimeter taller than Guan Xing, if the Koei Wiki is giving me correct information. Unfortunately Furuya, standing at a proud 183 cm, is taller than both of them) - Linked to a group affiliated with the color green and often seen wearing said color (green is the representative color for the Shu Kingdom in the Dynasty Warriors franchise and since Diasomnia is based around Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty, it's dorm color is a neon-ish shade of green)

What all three have in common

- All are voiced by Shimazaki Nobunaga in the Japanese versions of their respective franchises - Their greatest rival is also their closest friend (Sebek for Silver, Sawamura for Furuya and Zhang Bao for Guan Xing) - Their front bangs all fall in the same way and direction. I feel like that was worth mentioning despite the detail being minor

[autisticlancemcclain]

I posted 1,392 times in 2022

That's 1,391 more posts than 2021!

625 posts created (45%)

767 posts reblogged (55%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@speakswords

@shatterinseconds

@awhoreintheory

@autisticlancemcclain

@one-and-lonely16

I tagged 1,009 of my posts in 2022

Only 28% of my posts had no tags

#voltron - 273 posts

#vld - 241 posts

#lance mcclain - 211 posts

#lance - 209 posts

#my writing - 200 posts

#klance - 183 posts

#keith - 156 posts

#keith kogane - 154 posts

#fic fragment - 128 posts

#hunk - 89 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#lance eating a spoonful of peanut butter bc he desperately wanted to try it and have very poor impulse control: bc i’m about to need it lol

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

lance is 100% the boyfriend who asks keith if he will still love him if he’s worm and cries when he says no

391 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

#4

“I cannot believe you did this to yourself.”

Lance is frosty. He is mad. He is glaring heavily at Keith’s bare torso, where he is gently — ever so gently — cleaning the large gash stretching across Keith’s ribs. His hands are steady, like they always are, but his teeth are chattering, even as he tries to clench them.

“Of all the gall-brained, idiotic things to do. Jesus fucking Christ. It’s worse because I know you’re smart, you fucking imbecile, so I don’t know why you tried to do that!”

Keith keeps his mouth shut. He lets Lance yell, lets him rant, although his hands remain steadfast and his touch never gets rough. Lance is right, this time, and also Keith feels bad. Keith knows he fucked up. He knows he pushed himself too far, he knows he didn’t think about consequences, knows he let his anger consume him.

Keith feels a droplet hit his skin, outside of the damp cloth dabbing at his wound. He blinks, finally lifting his head to look Lance in the face, and is more shocked than he has a right to be to see the steady tears dropping down the Cuban’s face.

“I just…”

For the first time, Lance’s hands tremble. He notices immediately, pulling away from Keith’s skin and busying himself with re-wetting the cloth.

“I don’t understand. Genuinely. Why would you do that to yourself? Don’t you…”

Keith never finds out what he does or does not do, because Lance’s breath hitches, and he chokes on a sob before he can finish his sentence. Keith rushes forward on instinct, trying to make pull Lance into a hug to rub his shoulder or anything, really, but the movement pulls on his torn skin and he yelps, collapsing right back to where he was.

“Don’t fucking move, you’ll only make it worse,” Lance snaps, glowering at him through red and puffy eyes. He twists out the cloth, draining the excess water. His hands have stopped shaking, but tears still leak heavily out of his eyes, and every other breath shudders.

The guilt churns in Keith’s stomach, forming a lump in his throat. He flinches Lance presses the cloth to his chest, even though he doesn’t press hard. Lance mutters an apology, loosening the pressure a little.

“I’m the one that’s sorry,” Keith whispers. “I really am, Lance. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about how dangerous I was being.”

“Then what were you thinking about, Keith? Because when I walked in that room the only thing that I was thinking was that I was going to watch my best friend get killed right in front of me!”

Keith carefully reaches over and pries the cloth from Lance’s clenched hands, tossing it to the side. He slides his own hands in the space left behind, holding onto Lance just as tightly as he was gripping the cloth.

“Hey,” he says. “Lance. Look at me.”

It takes a few minutes, but eventually he does. Keith quirks a small, sad smile when he meets those dark brown irises, squeezing their hands together three times in quick succession.

“I’m okay. I’ll need a couple stitches, maybe an hour in the pod if you think that’s best, and then you can give me all the shit I deserve, okay? You can even tell Shiro and Allura so they can yell at me, too.”

Lance’s face crumples, and he lets out another sob. “It’s not about the fucking yelling, Keith, it’s just — I can’t lose you, Keith. I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t—”

Keith can’t watch Lance break down. He can’t watch Lance cry like this, he can’t watch the despair play through his face. The terror in his eyes when he first walked into Keith getting nearly slaughtered by the level-way-too-high training bots will already haunt him every night. So he does the only think he can think of.

He leans in quickly, careful of the pull on his skin, and presses his lips to Lance’s. He cradles his face in his hands, as gently as Lance was touching him earlier, using his thumbs to wipe the tears from Lance’s cheeks. He tilts their heads, trying to find the most comfortable angle.

Lance makes a sighing noise into his mouth. Keith doesn’t know if it’s a good sigh, not at first, but then Lance drags his hands halfway to Keith’s shoulders, mindful of his gash. His fingers flutter over Keith’s skin as his hands twitch, every time their mouths move. Keith moves one of his hands from Lance’s face to curl their fingers back together.

“You’re not forgiven just because you kissed me,” Lance mumbles between kisses.

“I know.”

“I’m still furious.”

“I know.”

“…I love you.”

“I know. I love you, too.”

“Don’t ever do that to me again.”

“I won’t.”

“Promise?”

See the full post

398 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

#3

Lance has a very embarrassing secret.

See, everyone thinks that if Lance went back in time and told his preteen self that he is completely and irrevocably in love with one Keith Kogane, Preteen Lance would be horrified. The truth is that Lance has had a big, fat, humiliating crush on Keith since they accidentally bumped into each other during the new student orientation day at the Garrison when they were eleven years old.

Lance has been gone on Keith’s ass for nine goddamned years. Seriously.

The whole thing is just humiliating. Not even Hunk knows. The only person who knows is Keith himself, and he knows because he is unfortunately very charming and Lance is very bad and keeping secrets from pretty people. (Also, somehow Keith suspected the horrible secret even though Lance is very subtle, and one day decided he was going to make Lance admit it and kissed it out of him. Lance is a little annoyed he caved so easily, but he would honestly challenge anyone to be pressed against a door and kissed so hard it’s almost bruising by Keith ‘Walking Sex Machine’ Kogane and not spill every single one of your life secrets. Keith is a very convincing individual, who is well aware of his pretty privilege and his no qualms against using it.)

“I love you and all your embarassing secrets,” Keith promises. Lance scowls, burrowing further into Keith’s chest and hiking their fluffy space blanket above his head.

“Shuddup.”

Keith’s chest shakes as he chuckles, and Lance pretends the sound doesn’t make him smile. It’s useless, because Keith knows him better than anyone, but whatever. He feels a pressure on his head as Keith presses a kiss there through the blanket, then wraps both arms — big, strong arms, that Lance admittedly gets distracted by often — around him and rolls them over so they’re both laying on their sides. He then gently tugs down Lance’s blanket burrow, so his face is visible.

“Is it really so bad that you’ve loved me for so long?”

“It’s not that,” Lance huffs, eyes crossing as he tries to look Keith in the face (they’re very close). “It’s the fact that I did the whole rivalry thing because I was too embarrassed to talk to you. That’s the horrible part.”

Keith laughs again, shifting down the kiss him properly. Lance allows it, even though he’s pretending to be grumpy, because he likes Keith kisses. They’re the best kind.

“I’ve got nothing for you there. That is embarrassing,” Keith says between kisses. He never goes far, which Lance appreciates and also knows it’s because Lance has him koalaed a little. Lance hums and decides he is done talking, wiggling closer into Keith’s space (so close there is no space where they aren’t touching, no space where they aren’t pressed close close closely together). He presses one more kiss to Keith’s mouth before sighing and resting his head back on top of Keith’s heart.

“I love you more than anything,” he whispers, because he does. He presses yet another kiss to Keith’s chest, because he’s sappy and because he can.

“You are the best thing that has every happened to me,” Keith responds, just as quiet. He runs his hands through Lance’s hair, scratching gently every fourth or so pass.

Lance smiles. Maybe his secret really isn’t so embarrassing, after all.

426 notes - Posted September 3, 2022

#2

Lance smiles self-deprecatingly. “Jack of all trades, master of none. You know how I am. I’m not really needed for anything.”

Keith could not believe what he was hearing. Lance thought he was unnecessary? Lance?

“Lance, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Look, dude, I don’t need false reassurances. I know I don’t have any specific thing, I’m not like you guys. You guys all have your specialty. You’re important. My specialty is being a stand-in.”

Keith feels his jaw drop at the pure conviction in the Cuban’s voice. How does he not know?

“Lance,” Keith says again, “being the jack of all trades is your thing. There is nothing you can’t do, and I’m not saying that in a frilly, ‘if you just put your mind to it!’ sort-of way. If you choose to do something, genuinely, you can do it. It’s fascinating.”

Lance frowns. “Man, what are you talking about? I’ve never really excelled at anything. Nothing important, anyway. Like, look at you — you’re a master swordsman. You can beat anyone in a duel. It’s awesome. I can’t even come close to that!”

“But why do you have to? Lance, I can’t shoot for shit. On God, unless the target is right in front of me, I cannot hit them with any kind of projectile. But you can use a sword, dude. You might not be an expert, or whatever, but you can hold your own.”

“So what?”

“So that’s what I’m trying to explain! No matter what skill you decide to pick up, you figure it out eventually. You wanted to learn how to read Altean? You did it.”

“I can‘t even speak it!” Lance argues. “I can only read and understand it. I can’t, like, hold a conversation or anything. It’s embarrassing next to Allura or Coran.”

“You are missing the point. You can’t keep comparing yourself to every expert and hating yourself for falling short. Of course you’re not as good as Allura or Coran at Altean. They’re native speakers! How well do they speak Spanish?”

“…They don’t.”

“Exactly! And think of all the other things you were able to do after just, like, reading the instructions. You were able to work the healing pods after a week in space. You’re the only other person on the ship besides Hunk who can make food that Pidge will eat. You figured out how to sew because you were bored and you needed something to do. Hell, Lance, you’re the only one who’s evolved more than one bayard form! And you figured out how to pilot Blue faster than anyone else in their Lion! You don’t have a thing, Lance, and that’s exactly it — you can pick up everyone else’s thing with ease. You’re the most adaptable person I’ve ever met, Lance. Jack of all trades, master of none — but better than a master of one. You’re missing half of the quote.”

Lance is silent for a few minutes, contemplative. “I guess I never considered any of those things skills. They’re just things I can do. They aren’t hard.”

Keith smiles, fond and exasperated. “Not to you, man. No one else can just choose to learn a skill in an hour and do it. That’s a Lance thing. And if you ask me, well. I think you’re pretty wonderful.”

517 notes - Posted June 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

“Shiro. Shiro. Shiro. I have important information. Shiro. Shiro.”

“Yes, Keith. I’m listening.”

Shiro looks at his dumbass little brother patiently, setting down his knitting. Keith is staring at the space slightly to the left of where Shiro is sitting, eyes unfocused. Shiro lets him sit in the silence for a bit, knowing the meds made him a little slow and loopy. He’ll get there.

He can’t tamp down a fond grin. It happens so often it should be boring, now, but loopy Keith will always be funny. It was like every bit of jadedness he’d picked up over the years melted away, leaving only the awkward, loveable dork Shiro knew and loved.

“I have — I have important information,” Keith repeats haltingly.

“I got that, buddy,” Shiro encourages. “Want to share that info? I’m listening.”

Keith hums. He blinks a few times, gaze finally locking onto Shiro’s, who smiles at him.

“It’s — it’s about Lance.”

Shiro fights to keep his smile from getting mischievous, to keep his expression pleasantly neutral. Oh, this was going to be good.

“Yeah, bud? What about him?”

Keith blinks again, his expression grave. “His tongue peeks out a little when he smiles real big, Shiro. A real smile. The one he gets when he talks about his family.” Keith takes great care to enunciate every word, tone completely serious. “That’s — it’s Very Important, Shiro. Okay?”

Look, Shiro’s a disciplined guy. He has a lot of internal strength. Really. But keeping a straight face as his baby brother looks him dead in the face, eyes as serious as a heart attack, and starts talking smush about how much he loves his crush’s smile?

C’mon. Come on. Of course he laughs a little! It would be weird if he didn’t!

“Shiro!” Keith scolds. “I’m serious! It’s important! We have to make sure Lance smiles like that. He gets sad sometimes. We gotta remind him he’s important, so he smiles.”

“You’re so whipped,” Shiro says fondly.

Keith goes back to staring at the wall, just as serious as before.

Shiro wonders if he’s thinking about Lance’s eyes, this time.

It won’t be the first time Shiro heard about them, that’s for damn certain.

———

“I did what.”

Keith’s face is so red that it’s concerning. Or, well, Shiro would be concerned, if he wasn’t so busy losing his shit.

“‘We have to protect his smile, Shiro’,” he mocks between wheezes. Keith wacks him full-force with a pillow.

“Fuck off,” he says hotly. “There’s no way I said that.”

There’s a moment of pained, contemplated horror, before Keith looks at him aghast. “Did I?”

Shiro laughs so hard he goes silent. Keith hits him again, but it’s weaker.

“Oh my god, I did fucking say that. I fucking — oh my god. Oh my god!”

Keith collapses back on his bed. He puts his pillow-weapon over his face and screams. Shiro finally gets ahold of himself, forcing his laughter down. He pats Keith on the shoulder, trying very deeply to be supportive and understanding even though literally all he wants to do is laugh and laugh and laugh.

“There, there,” he says, voice shaking.

Keith removes his pillow just to glare at Shiro. “Fuck off,” he says again, but this time it sounds resolved. “God. Do I — do I like him?”

Shiro blinks. Is he — is he serious? “Are you being deadass with me right now?”

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570 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

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