#fuck heart issues

[creepygoth666]

Was going to work on finishing the lineart today, but between the occipital neuralgia, the nasty tension headache and my blood pressure currently high thanks to the pharmacy fucking me over on my meds it's probably not going to get done today. I wanted to try streaming it again, too, but. Welp.

Pharmacy claimed manufacturer backorder on labetalol 200mg doses so I was forced to take the lower 100mg dose pills for a refill. Doubling up on them does not equal out to the efficacy of the 200mg - the 100's are pretty much out of my system by hour 5, where I could go 7-8 hrs with the 200mg. And I'm on 600 mg a day - so my only choice now, if I want to keep my blood pressure in check, is to take these damn 100's every 4 hours. Between that and my other blood pressure med, that means I'm now taking meds and having alarms go off seven fucking times a day just to keep my blood pressure MAYBE below 140. Because 100mg pills are shit, and I'm going to run out of my calcium channel blocker pills faster because they're supposed to be for emergencies only (170 systolic or higher) but I'm taking them every day since I got the refill to help keep my BP low.

And the pharmacy now has the 200's in stock but won't switch me out. Claims I need a new Rx (I just GOT ONE in October, but apparently it's "expired" - like bitch how) and I'd have to pay out of pocket fully for the 200's.

So fuck me, I guess.

Anyways. Sorry the pic is taking so long. I want to finish it. I want to maybe try rendering it, though I'm shit at digital coloring. I have ideas for other scenes I want to try sketching as well (SW under the Crystal arbor during the Firelove arc, him and Roddy arguing before then and him going all Angry Owl pose), but.. yeah. Health ain't allowing it rn.

[iteratorsex]

spearmaster to me is like a great dane that started off extremely small and underdeveloped but then grew to be absurdly large very very quickly

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[justaz]

lol arthur realizes with the other knights after watching merlin flirt and being hit with a wave of deja vu: holy shit you asked me out

merlin and the rest of the knights around a campfire after leaving a village bc lancelot and leon somehow started a brawl in the tavern: ???

arthur points at merlin: after valiant! you asked me to buy you a drink! you were asking me out!

merlin is busy cooking dinner and confused out of his fucking mind: what???…..valiant….oh the knight with the snakes.

gwaine who was slightly tipsy now stone cold sober and sitting up straight against a tree: wait. explain. what do you mean merlin asked you out??

arthur snaps his fingers as he recalls the memory: i apologized for sacking you and you said that if i bought you a drink we’d be even.

merlin now remembering how he had stumbled into camelot, picked a fight with a pigheaded bully which quickly turned homoerotic and flirtatious, and continued their teasing-flirting for days before merlin shot his shot and asked the prince out only to be rejected: oh yeah, i forgot i did that…..wait, you mean you didnt realize what i was asking?

arthur: no?? we argued everyday, how was i supposed to realize you were asking me out??

merlin now abandoning the dinner and staring across the camp at arthur while the rest of the knights watch their back and forth like a game of tennis: to you we were arguing, to me that was very much flirting. i thought you were flirting back so i decided to ask you. then you rejected me

arthur, mentally beating his past self up for fucking up their chance: i didn’t reject you!!! i just didn’t realize what you were asking me. how was i meant to? we fought every chance we got

leon, nudging elyan, glee and excitement riling through him: its happening!!! its finally happening!!! seven long, grueling years is finally paying off!!!

merlin, realizing the misunderstanding and acknowledging the fact that he wasn’t rejected, his flirtations just weren’t noticed - realizing he still has a chance: oh…oh i see. arthur, my dear, our fights were extremely flirtatious. need i remind you of what you said? “do you know how to walk on your knees? would you like me to teach you?” or “i could take you apart with one blow”

arthur, mental capabilities at an all time low: m…my dear….?????????

merlin grinning devilishly as he realizes that his flirtatious persona he had hidden away after falling head over heels for arthur can make a come back: that is what i called you. should i call you something else? say…mine?

percival gags in elyan’s ear: cheesy

elyan hides a laugh: at least they’re finally getting somewhere. better than the hopeless pining

arthur, flushed from head to toe: ah uh no um im uh

merlin thoroughly enjoying himself: oh come now, your majesty. use your words.

[dukeofthomas]

"Jason just needs to see things from his family's perspective and understand how much they love him (despite them never actually communicating or showing him through their actions)" is out. "The batfamily putting a single bit of effort into understanding Jason and reconciling with him on his own terms" is in.

[thepopsicle]

To all the fandoms that have been scorned by Netflix and any other streaming service ; Please hear our call to action!

Dead Boy Detectives has been such a ground breaking show that has touched our hearts and given us so many amazing queer stories in the span of a single season.

The representation has been beyond beautiful and touching, the acting is superb and the characters are deeply human for being supernatural.

Dbda is all about friendship at its core and that’s something everyone deserves.

Tag three mutuals (no matter their fave fandom) to spread the word.

Feel free to repost the image courtesy of @alexwilltellyouthings

@delivish @cowbpy @cadewitha @batmans-attic

@pbandjeremiah @fuji09 @thelesbianspoon

[willowreadsgayfanfiction]

Ii fandom if your dad kinda sucks PLEASE turn his contact into Steve Cobs, I did it and it's the funniest shit ever

Here, take these photos, I'd recommend using the first one as his pfp and the second as a chat background. Make his ringtone the basic ass apple vibration. It is HILARIOUS.

[blackbackedjackal]

One of the best and worst representations of Black people in modern anime. Both of these were released in the same year (2019).

[hanjoj]

Would you have him as a PT? 👀

[xxplastic-cubexx]

If i ever stop thinking of ‘when i saw you fumbling, teetering, when i saw your desperate desire to be loved crushing you— what did i do? what did i do, charles?’ please for the love of everything assume ive died because wht the fuck.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

and if i said suguru’s relationship with weakness (’the preciousness of the weak, the ugliness of the weak’) was born out of his feelings towards his mother …

[gbirrd]

Hi, lads! Skateboard project is finished!!

Based on The Boy Wonder- Issue 3 by Juni Ba!

[lesbianwyllravengard]

Wyll breaking up with the player character if Ulder dies so Wyll must become the Duke makes me wanna throw up sobbing because he actually thinks that just because his father's first duty being to Baldur's Gate made him a Bad Father that Wyll himself will inevitably be a Bad Lover because surely no one could match love with duty if his father couldn't, unknowing he has more love in one hand than his father had in his entire body. fuck

[hamletshoeratio]

Can y'all just be you know normal Marina Thompson for like 5 seconds? Because christ, the sheer Misogynoir that some of you spread about her character is insane and you don't even realise it.

[iamumbra195]

You know what? I'm tired of pretending so I'm just going to admit it:

I think romantic Tayden is fucking adorable, especially with a dash of queerplatonic Aidlyn on the side. They have some of the same interests like skateboarding and rock climbing and Ashlyn taught them both how to dance according to Red's insta so they could be a cute best friends to lovers type of thing.

I feel like they would be a very fluffy, feel-good type of romance and they complement each other really well in my opinion. I don't know why I just love them so much.

[honestlyitsjustsam]

Before i started playing bg3 i was sooo nervous because i had read a bunch of posts and articles about how hard it was to please your companions and how careful you had to be with them if you wanted high approval points for act 1

I was even maybe considering reading helpful guides but i said fuck it lets ball (dragon age origins was one of the hardest to please your companions game for me because of the language barrier and me not getting the lore for a looong time) so even though i thought something similar would have happened i wanted to give it a shot

And it turns out if you just talk to them once in a while, LISTEn to them and generally reassure when they are going through shit their approval points reach sky high