#fuck gaius

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

Writing a fic Arthur hears about Gaius saying his father was a good king after he learned about magic and the purge only to look over with the most “you wanna reconsider that?” expression possible.

Y’know, for catharsis.

Gaius just confused like “He didn’t kill me after I renounced something incredibly fundamental to myself and broke up with my wife, he wasn’t that bad.” Or “We don’t even drown children anymore, we’re so progressive!”

Fuck that guy.

[asaltyarchon]

Whoever made this, may your pillows always be fluffed and cool and may you never hit a red light as long as you live.

I haven’t laughed this hard in a long mf time.

[credit to liffeh on twitter!]

[2impostors]

genesis 🌏

[nepenthean-sleep]

john gaius is an interesting character because he is a charismatic and nice and funny guy AND he is an indigenous man living in his homeland that has been colonized by a brutal imperial force for centuries AND he's an anticapitalist working hard to prevent climate change AND he's a biologist trying to save all of humanity and get everyone out alive, not just the elite with the means to pay for it AND he is an indigenous healer being targeted and hunted down by multiple colonial governments AND he is entrusted with the powers to save people by the spirit of the earth itself AND he kills everyone on the face of the planet to try and stop the trillionaires from leaving but fails AND he resurrects his colleagues and friends but wipes their memories AND he cannot forgive himself but also cannot let go of the very feeling that made him guilty to begin with AND he puts the soul of a planet and 10 billion people into a flesh-and-bone doll AND when she is furious at him (what they did to you and what they wrung from you and what shape they made you fill) and scaring the others he locks her away AND he's a masterful manipulator AND his actions towards the earth are a metaphor for sexual assault AND he based an entire society around violating other people's bodily autonomy AND he's committing genocide by killing all the other habitable planets AND he kills his closest friends a second time when they learn the truth about him AND he half-resurrects his own daughter to use as a weapon AND he's a neoliberal fascist and serial liar and in all his time searching for revenge, he still hasn't noticed that revenge is out for him instead

[vaguely-concerned]

sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go

[fortjester]

screenshot of a poll by @kobolde from may of 2023 that i took for tlt meme purposes and left to rot in the depths of my files for over a year lol

[julius-caeser]

no one understands that im dripping with rizz and blood.

[future-crab]

A funny thing I've noticed about responses to the Locked Tomb is that most people I talk to agree that the memes and references are kind of hit or miss for them, but no one can agree on which are the hits and which are the misses.

I've seen someone whose taste and opinions I really respect say, "Look, not all of the memes in these books work for me and I think overall there are too many of them, but None House, Left Grief is fucking gold," and someone else whose taste and opinions I really respect say, "Look, I don't hate all the memes in these books, but None House, Left Grief is just unforgivable I hate it."

[thatgaywizardoverthere]

Arthur “Disaster Bi” Pendragon learning about true loves kiss as a cure like:

Gwaine: For fuck’s sake, he’s not enchanted every time he smiles at someone else, Arthur! He was literally just laughing at my joke!

Arthur, aggressively frenching Merlin on the council room floor: YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO CAREFUL OKAY-

[croweofthebog]

oh so we’re all about subverting the chosen one trope until the chosen one nukes the earth and eats the solar system. i see how it is

[akelafang]

Arthur vs Merlin on asking for the parent's blessing:

Arthur: I somehow managed to make the trip out to Ealdor without Merlin following me and asked Hunith for her blessing. I barely made it halfway through my planned speech before she was hugging me and calling me her new son. As lovely as that was I hope Guias has a more moderate reaction when I ask him next. I know he's not actually Merlin's father but he's the closest Merlin's ever had so it'd feel wrong not to ask him too for permission to marry Merlin.

Merlin: I don't know who I'd even ask for Arthur's hand. Both his parents are dead, so is his uncle the traitorous bastard, and his sister is trying to kill him. I really couldn't care less if Uther approved of me marrying Arthur anyway. If anything I hope he's glaring at us from hell as he watches his son and heir marry a sorcerer.... Maybe I'll ask Leon.

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

I had a Good!Morgana/magic reveal idea. What if Arthur found out about Morgana’s magic? And decided to be rational and smart about it?

When the window breaks, he realises that only Morgana was anywhere near. It’s just a random thought, but then he remembers all the times her nightmares come true or that she warned him about something and he listened only for her to be right.

Then he overhears Gaius talking to someone and saying that Morgana is too close to Uther and that it’d be better if she never knew about her magic. (even though she’s loosing control and clearly terrified and in need of help, he’s furious about that because magic or no, she’s still Morgana.) Arthur storms off, not bothering to find out who Gaius was talking to because he’s just been hit by the reality that magic isn’t a choice therefore he might have to reevaluate his whole belief system because he doesn’t want to think people can be born evil.

Of course he isn’t happy about it, but Morgana is too good and she never would’ve chosen magic, she was too smart for that in Camelot and too afraid for it to be deliberate. For whatever reason, Gaius was keeping Morgana’s magic secret even from her, so he didn’t want to go to the physician. So he goes to Geoffrey, knowing that like Gaius, he knows about life before the purge.

The librarian apparently hid a bunch of illegal books? So Arthur gets reading and learns about magic, about those born with it, about those who use it for good, that magic could be like a sword to attack or defend. Then he learns that’s wrong, a stab wound is still a stab wound but if he wants to believe magic can be truly good then there has to be more to it than a weapon. He realises there’s no inherent morality in magic, just intent from the person using it and impact of those around. He starts looking at how useful magic can be, how it can heal, you get the idea.

Uther finds out somehow and summons Arthur, Morgana and the council to the throne room so he can sentence Morgana to death. No one knows how to react, but Arthur steps forward, gently pushes Morgana behind him, sending Merlin a look that says to keep her safe. Merlin nods and Morgana is trembling while he reassures her that she’s safe. He promises that no harm will come and that he’ll break her out of the citadel if he has to.

Arthur yells at Uther and eventually throws a gauntlet down, saying he’s challenging for the throne on account of madness. He basically paints Uther to be mentally unstable and therefore unfit to rule. They fight there, and like the scene where Arthur finds out about his mother, Uther is pinned to the throne when Merlin stops Arthur from killing Uther, (there’s significance to that, it wouldn’t bring Arthur peace. But Morgana ordering his execution? That helps her get closure.)

Anyway, Merlin takes the sword and holds it to Uther’s chest for Arthur, whispering something about “Morgana needs him now more than ever.” So Arthur takes Uther’s crown and orders Leon to take him to his chambers and not to let him leave. He then turns to Morgana, sees her trembling and holds out a hand to her. She looks at him suspiciously, so he sighs and tell her they’ll talk about repealing the ban once he’s figured out what to do with Uther.

Morgana frowns, so Arthur says something like “As far as I’m concerned, Camelot is your home. You’re my sister in all but blood, and I’m not going to watch you die for something you had no choice in. We’ll find you a tutor, someone to teach you control so your nightmares don’t bother you so much, and if you want it you’ll have a place on my council. As court sorceress or advisor or whatever you want.”

Then Morgana hugs him, crying and thanking him for everything. Merlin is looking proud but regretfully so because of the situation. Arthur has him clear the hallways so he can lead Morgana back to her chambers where she’ll be safe and where she won’t have to worry about anyone seeing her cry because Arthur knows she’s never really cried in front of anyone but Gwen, only ever fake tears to manipulate men in court to her favour.

They’ve got technicalities to sort out and whatever else but they work it out and basically everything ends up happily ever after.

[mercymornsimpathizer]

everyone wants to talk about how gideon must feel about pyrrha's relationship with nona, well I want to talk about how gideon must feel about john's relationship with harrow. like, you're trapped in the body of the girl you love and your long lost father is telling her how he wishes he were her dad, how if he had a daughter he would want it to be a girl like her. like, everyone loves harrow and no one loves you. fuck!!

[majorgammage]

Pyrrha says Gideon the First’s ORIGINAL name, here, change my mind:

Compare the G dash to the standard em dash above it…it’s longer and thicker, just like the placeholders in John’s speech. AND it’s followed by a comma, which isn’t standard if it’s just indicating interruption.

That’s G’s real name, and somehow not even Alecto can hear it…so what did John DO?

Audiobook folks, does this stand out in the audio version as much as it does visually??

[brungeons-and-bragons]

Me starting GTN after hearing about it from a friend: NEEEEEEED the bone lesbians to kiss

Me finishing NTN: love is all around me and god needs to die.

[lastflowerofyourhouse]

cytherea the first will drive me absolutely fucking bonkers if i let her. like, she knows that the cavalier system is fucked up. she knows that. but she's so willing to participate in it. she cradles gideon's head and pets her hair and tells her how awful it is that harrow is taking advantage of her, meanwile, they're performing a trial that cytherea asked them to do.

all of her compliments for gideon feed into the cavalier dynamic. gideon is strong, useful, helpful, marvelous, a thing apart, and cytherea wonders if harrow even knows what she has in her. she is never anything self-contained. she is a damn good cavalier, and even when cytherea pities her, even when she aches for her, even when she's angry on her behalf, she can never seem to find anything else to say about her.

and, see, the problem with cytherea is that she views herself that way, too. even knowing how toxic and unfair it is, ten thousand years can form a hell of a habit. she says herself, "i am a necromancer and i am a cavalier," and something about the way she interacts with john and the others tells me she's not just talking about loveday.

john says it himself. cytherea was the best of them. the kindest, the most willing, the most humane, overworked and underloved, and none of them noticed. the man she served and loved and worshipped as a god for ten thousand years didn't even notice that he was wearing her into the ground until it was too late to stop. and would he have stopped? i doubt it.

cytherea was sick. she was genuinely exhausted and physically weak and in pain all the time, forever, constantly, and that's how they talk about her. so yeah, no wonder she had a warped view of personal value and duty. that's how she was treated for ten thousand years. that's how she thought of herself. be kind, be helpful, be unbothered, be willing, be pleasant, be useful, be active, be happy, be strong, be strong, be strong.

is it any fucking wonder she snapped?