#fuck brian

[thechaoticdruid]

This Bites (5)

Astarion x Chubby! F! MC

Plot: Astarion gets Winnie out a tight spot with a new power of his! Our two lovers continue to bond and get closer as Winnie searches for the cause of her vampire's appearance in the modern world. They also go shopping! YAY!

Content/Warning: Dog attack, Sexual humor and suggestive content, tooth rotting fluff, night terrors?, Astarion being soft, mention of dead animals, Brian being an asshole as usual..

Chapter 4: Back here

Chapter 5: Hold still.

Chapter 6: Shit.

Winnie looked out the window, eyes wide as she saw Brian and Vanessa outside. Nessa was holding Ollie tightly to her chest as the little dog growled. The three of them were standing their ground as the same beastly dog from before approached. It was snarling with its lips lifted upwards to expose its sharp teeth, drool dripping from its jaws and onto the rope around its neck.

“Astarion, go to my room and hide in my closet I'll, I'll think of something.” Winnie stated.

“You want me to just let you go out there with that deranged beast!? Are you insane! That mutt will gnaw your leg off!” The vampire spawn snapped.

“We don't have time to argue! Go hide!” Winnie huffed before grabbing a broom off the nearby wall. The dog was huge and appeared to be a mix between a mastiff and Pitbull. Brian stood in front of Vanessa, shielding her from the dog as he shouted at it, trying to scare it off.  Astarion gritted his teeth. He didn't want Winnie to get hurt but following her out into the sun was a horrible idea. There definitely wasn't any way he could protect her as a pile of ashes. But he had to do something! That dog had a vicious look in its eyes, lunging with an intent to kill. Brian was able to kick it in the face and make it back up momentarily, but the beast was not backing down. 

Panic flooded over the elven vampire’s mind as he was frantically trying to think of what to do, if he had still been alive his heart would be pounding!  Then suddenly he felt odd…. There was this poof and everything around him got bigger.  No, he was smaller. His hands were replaced by these white little bat wings…

What in the hells!?

Unfortunately, there wasn't enough for Astarion to ponder his new form as Winnie had opened the door, holding the broom close to her as she prepared to try and help her family. Without thinking the small bat leapt up and grabbed onto the back of her shirt with his little claws, crawling under the back of her hoodie to protect him from the sun. Winnie didn't even notice him, too focused on the scene in front of her.  Her mother was safely locked in the car, away from the dog while Brian was doing his damndest to try and scare it away. It was safe to say that the canine was not the least bit intimidated as it snarled, slobber dripping from its jowls. 

Winnie soon rushed over, using the broom to separate herself from the aggressive mongrel. The dog lunged forward, biting into the broom with a bite so strong it threatened to break the wood. Winnie let out a startled squeak at the sight of the dog’s teeth.

“The fuck are you doing, Winnie!? You're making it worse!” Brian shouted. Though his voice didn't even register to Winnie as she was much too terrified of the dog to give a damn about what he said. The dog’s teeth clashed against the broom before it pulled back preparing for another attack when it noticed something peek out of the brunette-haired female’s hoodie. Keeping the hoodie over his head to shield him from the sun, Astarion peaked out at the dog with a tiny glare. 

The dog blinked in confusion before getting a whiff of Astarion's familiar undead scent and letting out a whine, tail dropping between its legs as it let out a bark.

“Smells wrong!” Astarion could hear the dog speak while in his new animal form. The dog suddenly turned and ran off, whimpering along the way. Winnie blinked in utter bewilderment. 

He just….Left? What the fuck was that about?

“Oh, thank goodness. Winnie scared it away!” Vanessa let out a sigh of relief. 

“I had it completely under control.” Brian huffed as Winnie’s mother suddenly opened the car door and got out. 

“Oh my God, that was close. Brian, we need to call animal control! That dog is dangerous!” She exclaimed, stepping out of the car. 

“It would probably be better if I shot that damn mutt.” Brian muttered. 

“Brian!” His wife crossed her arms. 

“Alright, alright woman! I'm getting my phone!” The brunette haired man huffed.

“Uh…. It might be best to go inside…? In case the dog comes back I mean.” Winnie suggested.

“I ain't afraid of no fucking dog…” Brian muttered under his breath as he fumbled with his cellphone.

“You're right, Winnie. Come on Nessa, let's go inside.” Winnie’s mother said before leading the young girl inside. Winnie quickly followed after them and moved ahead of them, hoping Astarion had gone and hid. The plump female was completely unaware Astarion had changed his form and hitched a ride inside her hoodie. The tiny white bat stayed completely still as his tiny claws stayed hooked into the back of her shirt.

“Winnie! Winnie! Can I play the new video game you got?” Vanessa asked, setting the dog down on the floor. Her eyes grew round as she looked up at the young woman pleadingly.

“Ah no kid, it's for adults. And I don't want your dad to get mad at me if you see something…inappropriate.” Winnie coughed and rubbed the back of her neck. 

“Ugh! It's not fair! I'm almost thirteen and this boy from my class is playing it!” Nessa huffed and crossed her arms.

“No means no. Goodness' sake, you're too young to play adult games.” Winnie replied sternly.

“And you're too old to watch cartoons but you still do it!” Vanessa sassed before storming off to her bedroom. Winnie rolled her eyes, muttering ‘brat’ under her breath. She turned to head back to her bedroom, but unfortunately Brian had come back inside and had her in his sights. 

“The hell did you say to my kid!?” He snapped, getting really close to Winnie's face, his nasty tar smelling breath hitting her like a brick.

“I just told her she can't play my new game because it's for adults.” Winnie huffed, eyes glancing back over to her room as she flinched away from him. 

“I saw her run to her room! You better tell the truth right now!” Brian raised his voice.

“Brian! Calm down! Winnie is telling the truth, I saw everything.” Winnie’s mother suddenly stepped in and stood between her husband and daughter. Brian muttered under his breath.

“Catherine, the girl is dangerously close to becoming a delinquent! I've seen those vile games she plays! They're not right!” Brian barked.

“You’re being dramatic. Winnie would never hurt a fly. Look, we've all just had a scare outside so why don't we calm down, go to our rooms and try to relax?” Catherine said before pulling Brian along. The middle-aged sack of piss continued to mutter under his breath, but inevitably gave in and followed his wife to the bedroom.  Winnie sighed in relief before quickly rushing to her bedroom, locking the door behind her. 

“Astarion?” She suddenly whispered out and looked around her room. “Astarion?” She called again before slowly stepping towards the closet, only to freeze as she felt tiny claws climbing up and down her back.

“What the hell is on me!?” She panicked, shivering in disgust before suddenly throwing her jacket off and onto the ground. Winnie looked in the mirror and checked herself but found nothing.

Brown eyes glanced down at her purple hoodie before noticing a little fuzzy white head poke out from underneath her coat. A little albino bat crawled out and looked up at Winnie with round red eyes. It immediately began to let out panicked sounding little squeak-like chirps and scurry towards Winnie.  She backed up a bit in utter confusion.  

" A bat? How did I get a bat in my jacket?” Winnie asked aloud. The bat continued to squeak at her as if trying to speak. He didn't try to flee or fly away which was very unusual. 

Then suddenly Maddie poked her head out from under the bed, slowly creeping towards the small animal. The bat turned to look over as the black cat prowled towards him, pupils enlarged and tail swatting back and forth as she prepared to pounce.  The bat let out a frightened squeak before attempting to crawl away as Maddie galloped towards him, pinning him down with her paw.

“Maddie no!” Winnie said trying to get her cat's attention, but the feline didn't acknowledge her.

She looked ready to bite down on the little creature until she got a whiff of his scent. Maddie sniffed him curiously before ultimately removing her paw from his little body. 

“Mew!” The cat began to purr before rubbing her face over the tiny bat. All the while Winnie was slowly trying to comprehend what was happening. 

An albino bat that Maddie seems to recognize as a friend?

Winnie had a gnawing suspicion, but it was so ludacris that she didn't know whether or not to trust it. Eventually the young woman knelt down on the ground and held out her hand. 

“Astarion…?”  She spoke up. The small bat immediately turned his attention to her before crawling over to sit on her hand and squeak. 

“This feels utterly insane…. but could you nod if it's you?” She asked. The little bat immediately nodded in response.

“How is this even possible? Spawn aren't supposed to be able to transform into bats.” Winnie sat down on the armchair, holding Astarion in her hands. He squeaked a few times as if trying to speak to her. “Star, I don't understand whatever you're trying to say…. All I hear are squeaks on my end…” 

Astarion’s ears dropped before Winnie scratched his head with a single finger. “You are very cute like this though.” The brunette-haired woman smiled.  “This could actually come in handy, but it would probably be best if you figure out how to change back…. Preferably when I'm not holding you of course.” Winnie stated before setting the small bat down on the bed.  

Astarion made a few little bat noises as he appeared to shake and strain a little in an attempt to turn back. When he changed before he was in a panic, so he wasn't sure exactly what he did that caused his transformation. Was it the fear of something happening to Winnie? No, that didn't seem right. 

Winnie sat on the bed beside him as she pondered exactly how this was possible. In the game he was only able to take the form of a bat if he ascended. And everything she'd seen indicated that Astarion was a spawn. Hell, he was even soft on her like he was with Tav in his spawn romance route. Could being in her world really give him new abilities? Winnie held her chin in thought before a theory formed in her mind. Astarion said that he fell in love with her over and over, and that he'd been reliving the games storyline repeatedly. That would mean that he's basically been experiencing all her save games .... maybe .... But Winnie never went through a playthrough where she ascended him…except oh….

There was this one time she saved before checking out the ascension route and it might have autosaved. Winnie was eventually broken out of her thoughts by a flash of red around the tiny bat before suddenly he grew back into his normal vampire elf form.

 “Gods below.” Astarion let out a sigh of relief. “I am certainly not accustomed to being so small and hairy….eugh…It felt unnatural.” Astarion shivered. 

“Oh, you figured it out! That's great.” Winnie smiled before looking over Astarion as he took a moment to compose himself. 

“This world of yours seems to get more interesting by the day. Although I'm not entirely sure what use this new form would have. Well other than allowing me to seek shelter from the sun from under your coat.” Astarion hummed.

“Bats can fly! It would probably be very useful if you needed to get somewhere quickly at night.” Winnie stated. “And the smaller you are, the easier it is to hide.” 

“Perhaps there may be some use to this form then.” Astarion smirked a couple ideas of sneaking around the house to torment Brian began to cook in his mind. 

“I'm still a tad concerned about how this happened…. It worries me a bit.” 

“What's to worry about? Obviously, my presence in this realm has opened up some wonderful possibilities.” Astarion chuckled with a smirk.

“I don't know how to feel about this…” Winnie looked off to the side. “Astarion, I should probably tell you about something I've been looking into. I've been quiet about it because I don't want you to get the wrong idea, but I've been trying to figure out what caused you to be well…Here…But I'm not trying to send you back! I promise!” Winnie stated. 

“Well, I do appreciate you telling me this. Although I'm not entirely sure why it's a concern of yours if you're not trying to send me back.” 

“Something caused it and I want to know why and if it's dangerous. Things like this just don't normally happen here. This isn't a magical place like the one you're used to.” Winnie sighed. 

“There you go worrying again. My poor paranoid darling. You know we should probably work on finding ways to relieve your stress.” Astarion grinned.

“Astarion.” Winnie pouted with an annoyed expression.

“What? I was just going to suggest a massage, perhaps a hot bath. Hells bellow, not everything I say is about sex, you naughty thing.~” Astarion crossed his arms but looked at Winnie with a mischievous grin. 

Winnie blushed darkly before rolling her eyes.

“We're getting off topic. The point is whatever caused this was not normal for my world and I want to know if it will affect us. That's why I've been trying to get to the bottom of it.”  Winnie huffed before falling back on the bed. 

“And what have you found?” Astarion, asked as he loomed over her. 

“Not much. I found the alias of someone who might be involved, but I'm having trouble finding more information about them.” 

“I know little to nothing about this portal device thing, but I'm willing to help well…somehow…” Astarion hummed and looked over Winnie with a sweet gaze.  

“Thank you. Though I'm not sure what would help.” Winnie hummed and stared up at the ceiling in thought while Astarion watched her, eventually laying down beside her.  

“Perhaps you could ask someone else for help? Someone from here.” The vampiric elf suggested.

“That would be a good idea, only I don't want to risk exposing you or looking like a complete lunatic…No one is going to believe that a fictional character came out of my computer….Ugh…” Winnie huffed before suddenly her cell phone went off in her pocket. She got a message from Becca asking if Winnie could cover her shift tonight since Becca had to babysit for her mother. 

Wait….Becca mods her games all the time. Maybe she'd know who ShadowMommy69 was at least…Or something about them anyway.

It wasn't a very strong lead, but at least it was something. Winnie probably wouldn't be able to actually talk to Becca in person until this weekend, but maybe she could figure something out. She needed to take Astarion to get some clothes soon anyway and stopping by to talk to Becca on the way wouldn't hurt. 

Winnie glanced over to see Astarion looking at her, eyes soft as his mouth stretched into an odd Grinch-like grin. “Eh…What's up with your face?” Winnie asked. Astarion blinked, broken out of his little dreamy daze. 

“Uh what? Is there something on my face!? Did I get a scratch while turned into that winged rodent!?” Astarion sat up, beginning to freak out and feel over his face.

“No, no, Astarion calm down. Nothing's wrong with your face, honey.” Winnie sat up and cupped his cheeks. His ears turned slightly pink at her pet-name. “It's just as pretty as always…” Winnie said, looking to the side with a blush.  “You just made a funny face is all.” 

“Oh…” Astarion calmed down, placing his hand over one of hers. His chest felt tight as he stared at her soft round face. He wanted to kiss her so badly. Winnie moved a stray curl out of his face before pulling her hands back and looking off to the side with a nervous cough. Her heart was racing. 

“Ah…So uh…We could continue watching a movie in here ... .I locked the door so no one should be able to barge right in and see you.” Winnie said as she twiddled her thumbs.

“That sounds wonderful, love.” 

~•~•~•~~•~•~•~•~•~•~~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

A few days passed. Winnie filled in for Becca and had to deal with the usual, stocking shelves, cleaning and occasionally dealing with a Karen or two. When she was home she had to stay on her toes to make sure that neither Brian or Vanessa ended up walking in to see Astarion, luckily his new little form came in handy. He was able to quickly change and hide under the blanket or in Winnie’s pocket. He also may have begun using this form to sneak around the house when Winnie wasn't home and secretly torment Brian. Because if he wasn't allowed to kill the bastard he'd at least make sure his life was a living hell. He'd toss random spices or sometimes even dirt or garbage into the man’s coffee.  He also tossed Brian's phone onto the floor, allowing Ollie to get it and chew on it. The pale elf certainly kept himself entertained while his beloved was away, but Winnie of course always had something that would stick it's ugly head around the corner to terrorize her. 

“Where is everyone?” Winnie looked around, finding herself lost in the woods. She couldn't remember how she got here or what happened last. It was cold and dark. And something was very, very wrong. There was this sharp panic shooting throughout her body. She took a few steps through the forest before stepping on something.  A human skull. Winnie looked around her seeing scattered bones all over the ground. His breath quickened and she felt purr dread wash over her as this peculiar eerie noise filled her ears. It was almost like a mixture between scraping chalkboards and some really high off key piano being played super fast.  She held her head at the noise, eyes glancing around for an escape route from the forest before suddenly it went silent and there was this shadowy figure staring back at her.  She quickly turned to run, but her feet seemed to take her nowhere. Trees kept passing and passing but the figure was still the same distance away and if anything was getting closer. Winnie opened her mouth and let out a silent scream as the shadow suddenly lunged at her, quick as lightning. 

“Oh God…” Winnie gasped as she shot up from her bed, panting as a bead of sweat dripped down her brow. 

“Darling?” Astarion’s voice suddenly brought her out of her terrified state as she looked over to see him sitting criss-crossed on the armchair with Maddie curled up in his lap. He looked at her with worried eyes and a soft frown. “Are you alright?” 

“Mew…” Maddie suddenly piped up, eyes opening as she looked over at Winnie before hopping out of the elf's lap and stretching.

Winnie was still panting a little, heart pounding as Astarion got up and took a seat on the side of the bed.

 “My love?” Astarion placed his cool hand over one of Winnie’s. Winnie took a deep breath and tried to slow her breathing.

“Sorry I just had a bad dream…. Something was chasing me and I couldn't get away.” Winnie said, taking a few more calming deep breaths. “I-I’m sorry if I disturbed you…You should probably get back to your meditations.” Winnie turned to face away from him. Despite her trying to brush it off Astarion could feel her heart pounding in fear. He bit his lip as an idea came to mind.

“Would you like me to lie with you?” The vampiric elf asked softly. Winnie looked back at him curiously, a blush forming on her cheeks. 

“If you want to…” Winnie stated before shifting and scooting over closer to the wall. Astarion wasted no time getting in and under the covers next to the human female. Winnie stared over at the pale elf as she laid on her side. Astarion looked back with a soft smile forming as he tucked some hair behind her ear. 

“I'm here. I'm not going to let anything hurt you.” He said softly as he ran a thumb over her cheek.

Winnie smiled a bit, eventually allowing herself to move a little closer to him, shifting around to get comfortable. Astarion snuggles up against Winnie, wrapping his arms around her as she shyly lays her head against his chest. It's completely silent but there's somehow something comforting about it. Winnie nuzzled her face into the cool skin of his neck before closing her eyes. 

They stayed like this up until morning. By then Astarion was curled up around her rather possessively, even had one of his legs hooked around her hip. Winnie could feel his hand gently rubbing along her back, cheek resting upon the side of her head as he snuggled against her soft cushy form. Winnie’s face was still nuzzled into the crook of his neck, nose gently pressed against his faded bite scars. His body felt firm, not as cushy and comfortable as her own, but she didn't seem too bothered by it. Astarion wasn't even trancing anymore, his elven nature only required him to need four hours of rest. He was simply blissfully soaking up Winnie’s warmth, eyes half lidded as he hugged her against him. 

Winnie eventually let out a yawn as her eyes slowly blinked open. She pulled back from Astarion's neck just enough to see his face.

“Good morning, beautiful.~” He purred at her softly, voice barely above a whisper.

“Morning…” Winnie yawned out before attempting to sit up, but Astarion still had his arms wrapped around her.  “Astarion, it's time for me to get up.”

“Just stay with me a little longer. You're so soft and warm.~” The vampire cooed, nuzzling his face into her chest and making Winnie turn deep red.

“Brian’s probably going to get up and tell me to do some chores or something…Star…” Winnie huffed.

“I'll gut him if tries to take you from me.” Astarion murmured, face buried in Winnie's plump bosoms. 

“I do believe you'd have to let go of me first to do that silly.” Winnie hummed, absentmindedly playing with Astarion's ivory curls. “Come on, I need to get up.” Winnie stated before pulling herself out of his arms. Astarion let out a displeased sound as Winnie sat up in the bed. The pale elf begrudgingly sat up and looked back at Winnie and pouted with round puppy dog-like eyes. The messy haired female took a moment to stretch out before looking back at the pouting elf.

“Uh…Thanks again for this…I'm honestly surprised you'd want to comfort me over it…..Kinda seems childish needing someone to crawl in bed with me because I had a nightmare.….”

“Darling…Of course I'd comfort you…I know better than most how terrifying your own mind can be.” Astarion cupped Winnie’s cheek looking at her lovingly. “And…I love you…” 

“How can you be so sure of that?” Winnie asked with a sad smile. Her voice is melancholy and full of doubt. 

“Because you're you. You've went out of your way to help me without gaining anything from it and that's how I know you're the same person I fell in love with over and over.” Astarion said, slowly leaning in a little. Winnie smiled with a deep blush. She was honestly rather speechless and a little skeptical, wondering if she was actually dreaming at the moment. If she was, she didn't want to be woken. The brunette haired female found herself leaning in as well, their noses now just barely brushing against one another. Astarion puckered his lips, moving in to kiss Winnie.

“Hey Winnie!~” Footsteps were heard followed by her door knob turning. 

“Shit!” The brunette haired woman’s eyes widened. Just as the door bursts open Winnie quickly shoves Astarion off the bed and behind her dresser before zooming over to the door, making sure most of her room was blocked from sight. 

Nessa stood outside the room seemingly dressed and ready to head out somewhere. The twelve year old stood at about a little over four feet with long sandy blonde hair and brown eyes. 

“What is it, Ness?” Winnie asked, looking down at the young girl as she messed with a few strands of her messy brown locks.

“Dad said that you're supposed to take me out walking today since I'm gonna take Ollie for a walk.”  Vanessa stated.

“Ugh….Why can't he take you?” Winnie huffed in annoyance.

“Because he wants to take a nap and watch his superhero show.” Vanessa explained, “Come one, you can even bring Maddie.” 

“I’m pretty sure your dad said you couldn't be around Maddie?” Winnie hummed.

“We don't have to tell him.” Vanessa said mischievously. 

“Heh, okay. Just give me a few minutes to get dressed and get Maddie ready.” Winnie said, gesturing to her clothes. She was still dressed in the red boxers and black tank she always slept in. 

“Okay! But hurry please!” Vanessa said before Winnie quickly closed the door. Winnie turned and looked back at Astarion who was sitting on the floor rubbing his head with a glare on his face.

“You didn't have to push me.” He grumbled, quietly.

“I'm sorry…I panicked…” Winnie moved over to look at his head with concern. She didn't see any wrong, not even a red spot.

“So…You're going out? Off on a leisurely stroll with your little sister, hm?”

“Stepsister and yeah…I'd rather not put up with her running off to Brian right now.”  Winnie looked off to the side.   

“I suppose I'll just remain here and nurse my poor head and wrist you so cruelly injured.”Astarion said dramatically, gripping his right hand with a sad pitiful pout. 

“I said I was sorry and I really am.” Winnie looked back at him with a pout, grabbing his hand glancing over his wrist before kissing it. Astarion couldn't help but smile almost immediately at the sweet gesture. The softness of her lips pressing against his hand made his ears turn a little pink.

“Mm, I quite like that actually.~ Oh alright, I forgive you.” He said in a sweet tone before ruffling her hair.  “Now go on, it's probably not a good idea to keep the girl waiting.” 

Winnie nodded before grabbing some clothes from her closet and heading into the bathroom to change. Astarion sat on the bed as Maddie crawled out from under it and turned to him with a small meow, as if to say hello. The vampire just hummed as scratched the cat on her little head, eliciting a soft purr as her tail slowly flicked about.

Winnie exited the bathroom, dressed in a black and white t-shirt with a skull and some torn skinny jeans that hugged her thick thighs rather tightly. Astarion lounged about on the bed, red eyes admiring the voluptuous female’s legs and backside as she bent over to pick up her shoes off the ground before getting some socks and continued to get ready. Once she was fully dressed she grabbed a backpack before getting the cat harness and hooking it onto Maddie, who purred happily at the attention. Winnie hooked a leash onto the harness before leading the cat out the door, leaving Astarion to his own devices.

Astarion let out a sigh, a little regretful he didn't just change into bat form and go with her, but he had something he wanted to do.  He waited for Winnie to leave the house before sulking about the single story, three bedroom home. Winnie’s mother had long gone off to work, while Brian slept lazily on the recliner in their bedroom. Astarion crept onto the room, grinning sadistically. He slowly made his way over to the sleeping man before reaching into his pocket and pulling something out.  Astarion's brows knit together as he raised his hand high over the sleeping human, preparing to do his worst.

He then uncapped the marker in his hand and drew a well detailed sketch of a penis on the unpleasant man’s forehead. The vampire bit his lip suppressing a giggle before stopping to admire his masterpiece. He then proceeded to glance around the room, noticing some thumbtacks on a nearby dresser. He grinned ear to pointy ear before grabbing hold of them and placing them into Brian's shoes. He then casually strolled out of the room before returning back to Winnie’s room.

“GODDAMNIT!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!” Brian’s voice was suddenly heard.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~~•~•~•~•~•

Winnie walked along the sidewalk as Maddie padded behind her on a leash, inquisitive blue eyes scanning about for any sign of a tiny creature to prey upon. Vanessa walked ahead with a skip in her step as Ollie happily trailed behind her, tail wagging as his tongue hung out making it look almost as if the little dog was smiling. They stopped a few times because Ollie wanted to sniff a specific patch of grass a few hundred times or because Maddie got distracted by a bug, but eventually they approached the end of the street.

“Ooh! I have an idea! Let's go to the gas station around the corner! Please!” Nessa begged. 

“I guess we could, since it's not too far.” Winnie said before continuing up the road. The air was warm, but there was a cool breeze gently brushing through her hair. She could hear the ringing of wind chimes as they passed a couple of houses before spotting two men in their yard.

“Another dead possum. This is the fifth one we found in the last three days, Bill! And my wife said she found three dead raccoons in the backyard! I'm telling you something is out there killing all them critters!” One of the men said. 

“Oh fucks sake Daniel, it's just some coyotes! It's their breeding season, they're everywhere.” 

“Bill, coyotes would have dragged off and eaten the bodies! These possums don't even look like they have any bite marks on em. They're just dead…” Daniel insists. 

Winnie tensed up a bit as she overheard their conversation. Vanessa however seemed to just ignore the two men and continue along the sidewalk.

“So what? You think this is some monster roaming around at night?” Bill laughed.

Oh God…..I hope that's not my monster…

Winnie bit her lip nervously as she continued down the road with Vanessa. She took a deep breath and tried not to worry about it too much. She'd talk to Astarion about it later. Everything would be fine as long as no one saw him outside while he was hunting. Eventually the two females led their pets around the corner and to a small service station that sat just outside the suburbs. Winnie scooped Maddie up and let her hitch a ride in her backpack before entering the air conditioned filled shop. Maddie stayed curled up in Winnie's pack, but occasionally poked her head out to look around.   

“They always have good pizza here. We should get some!” Vanessa suggested, holding Ollie in her arms.

“Hmm….The adult in me says we should probably go home and eat to save money….But…The pizza lover in me is telling the adult to shut up.” Winnie grinned before they walked over to get two small large single slices. Oddly, just as Winnie went to pay for the food she noticed a man watching them out of the corner of her eye. He looked so familiar, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. He had combed back brown hair and was dressed in a rather stylish looking suit. He was looking at the two from outside the window of the store, smiling with a smug almost devilish smirk.

“Ma’am! That'd be 10.99!” The cashier said, breaking Winnie out of her trance.

“Oh sorry! I got distracted!” Winnie said before pulling out her debit card and paying for the pizza. Winnie and Nessa took their food before turning to leave. Winnie’s brown eyes immediately scanned outside for the man from before, but he'd completely vanished. 

It was almost as if he'd never been there at all.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

“Okay….Brian, mom and Vanessa are asleep. Now we need to sneak out as quietly as possible.” Winnie said, running a hand through her hair as Astarion slipped on the black hoodie she had generously gifted him. 

“I am rather excited for our second date.” Astarion said with a grin. 

“We're just going shopping…It's not much of a date activity.” Winnie said bashfully.

“Of course it can. I'm spending time with you, that's all that matters really.” Astarion replied before opening the window and climbing out, stealthily and skillfully. Winnie grabbed her pack and purple hoodie before looking down out the window nervously. She really wasn't in the best shape for sneaking out of the house by her window. 

“Come on, love.” Astarion whispered from down below. The drop from Winnie’s window to the ground wasn't exactly far enough to be dangerous, but it was enough to be intimidating.

Winnie shakily stepped out and onto some pipes that ran along the house. She closed the window on her way out before attempting to climb down the rest of the way, nearly stumbling and falling on her face only to be caught by her vampiric companion. 

“Oh, look at you, trying to fall into my arms.~” Astarion teased with a wink before setting Winnie down. 

“Let's just go before I end up dying by tripping or something.” Winnie said, face turning pink in embarrassment. The two set off, getting onto Winnie’s motorcycle and driving down the street and out of the suburbs. Astarion wrapped his arms around Winnie's soft plump waist. He was a little annoyed by the backpack wedged between them, but tried to hold tightly onto his darling to the best of his abilities. 

Winnie zoomed up towards the city on her bike, slowly down as they reached the CornerStore. Winnie parked her motorcycle before getting off. The night sky was clear and the stars were shining brightly. Winnie walked into the store with Astarion trailing after her, red eyes curiously scanning the store. As Winnie went over to speak to Becca at the cash register, Astarion snuck over into one of the isles. He poked around at some of the merchandise for sale. The elf spotted a small colorful object that somewhat resembled the strange contraptions the people of Winnie’s realm traveled in. Astarion poked it inquisitively before nearly jumping five feet up as the tiny device released a loud repeating honking noise. Astarion quickly got away from the device in case it was some kind of magical explosive, backing up against the other isle in fear. Eventually the device went silent. Astarion let out a sigh of relief before continuing to inspect the isles, eyes growing wide with excitement as he spotted what looked like a dagger! Gleefully he snatched it up, hoping to swipe it and keep it for himself, but as he looked at it closely he realized something was off about the blade. It was quite dull and didn't appear to even be made of metal. The vampire pouted before tossing the fake dagger off to the side with a huff.  

Hells below, they don't even sell decent weapons at this place. 

Meanwhile, Winnie walked over and greeted Becca. “Hey Becca! I was hoping I'd catch you on your shift.” 

“Oh, Hey Wyn! What's up?” Becca greeted with a cheerful smile, long red hair done into a pair of  twin braids that hung over her shoulders. 

“Okay so um….You modded BG3 right, I mean I remember you saying you modded most of your games so I was just wondering?” Winnie said, nervously messing with a piece of her hair. 

“Yeah I did. I added some hair mods, got that anti-abs mod for some of the male characters…A cheat engine and the romance-” 

“Cheat engine! That's it! Do you remember who made yours?” Winnie said, excitedly placing her hands on the conveyor belt as she looked over at Becca. Becca had a confused look on her face as she noticed Winnie's enthusiasm when she mentioned the ‘cheat engine’.  She was about  to speak when she suddenly noticed Astarion sneaking around the isles. 

“Uh…. Winnie, is that your friend from the other day?” The redhead asked. 

“Ah crap, sorry about him. Star! Get over here!” Winnie huffed a bit. 

“Coming lover!~” Astarion said with a mischievous grin as he winked at Winnie. The pale elf sauntered over to his embarrassed human love who was glaring at him slightly.

“I knew he was your boyfriend! Winnie, why didn't you tell me?” Becca whined.

“Well….I-I…I-I…” Winnie sputtered nervously, trying to think of what to say when Astarion wrapped an arm around her. 

“My darling, wants to keep me a secret from her step-father.  She's afraid he wouldn't approve if he knew.” Astarion added. 

“Oh shit, I didn't think of that. Brian has always been a bigot. He'd probably pitch a fit if he found out Winnie was dating a British guy!” 

“Ah yes….That's exactly what I am….”

Whatever the hells British means…?

“Becca, the cheat engine?” Winnie pressed, looking at her friend with pleading eyes. 

“Oh yeah, hmm let me think…..”Becca held her chin for a moment. “Ah, Shadowsomething69…Yeah they deactivated their account. The mod’s gone now.” 

“It's…. ShadowMommy69….” Winnie cringed at the sound of the name coming out of her mouth.

“And I've been trying to find them and maybe get in touch with them.” 

“Oh? Is this person a friend of yours?” Becca asked.

“No, I've never spoken to them, but I need to. Kind of a private thing though…” 

“Hmm…My boyfriend Anthony might be able to get in touch with them. He's a modder and he's pretty active in the modding community, he might be able to tell you more. I think he's actually talked to them, but I'm not sure.” Becca hummed a bit before her eyes lit up as an idea popped into her head. “Ooh! Me and Anthony we're gonna go out to the carnival when it comes to town in two weeks. You two should come with! It'll be a double date! Then you can ask him there!” 

“Two weeks? I don't know-” Winnie began but was quickly intercepted by Astarion.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea! Don't you think so, my sweet?” Astarion asked, looking at Winnie with pleading puppy dog eyes.

“I guess…so…” Winnie sighed.

“Awesome! I'll text you the details later and come pick y'all up in my truck.” Becca smiled before suddenly some old lady walked into the store.

“Excuse me! I need help finding some cat food!” The old woman asked.

“Of course, right this way.” Becca said before leading the old lady off.

“Well, I guess we should go now.” Winnie huffed before walking out of the store with Astarion following after. 

“What's the matter, love? I thought you'd be thrilled to go on another date?” Astarion quizzed.

“What if something happens between now and then? Like some world ending bullshit happens because I can't find the idiot that made a vampire pop out of my computer.” 

“Sweetie, you're making me look optimistic. And that's worrying.” Astarion placed his hands on Winnie's face.  “I'm not going to let anything happen to you, my love. I swear it. And besides I've dealt with the end of the world once already, surely the second time won't be as bad as the first.” 

“Alright….But you do realize there are clowns at the carnival?” Winnie rose an eyebrow with a slight smirk.

“I…uh…Of course I do! But I'm not bothered by it! And I am certainly NOT afraid if that's what you are implying!” Astarion crossed his arms with a scoff.

“Okay….If you say so…” Winnie said with a mischievous giggled, “anyway we should get going. We've got shopping to do!” The human female said before hopping onto her motorcycle.

Astarion made a ‘hmph’ noise before getting on after her. The two drove into the city, being greeted by all the lights and noise of modern civilization. Astarion was still memorized by it all.

“These metal contraptions your people ride in, are they dangerous?” He asked as they zipped down the road, slowing down as they came to a red light. 

“They can be. But we got rules to help keep people safe when we use them. Different sides of the roads you're supposed to be on and places you have to slow down. It's all systematic I reckon.” Winnie mused, feeling Astarion grip around her waist. “Of course not everyone uses them.” Winnie murmured glaring at a small car that just drove out in front of the red light. Astarion continued to ask a few questions as they continued deeper into the heart of the city. Winnie tried to answer to the best of her ability while keeping her eyes on the road. 

About twenty minutes later they arrived at a large building titled ‘SuperStore.’ Winnie parked off to the side, taking a deep breath as she got off her bike. He'll, even at 8:00 at night this place was packed.  Astarion got off Winnie's motorcycle and quickly grasped the pudgy female’s hand in his as they walked into the store. 

“Hells!” Astarion squeaked as the doors suddenly automatically opened, squeezing Winnie’s hand slightly. 

“It's okay Star, just doors.” Winnie teased with a grin. Astarion rolled his eyes.

“I can see that now.” He huffed before the two ventured into the store. The ‘SuperStore’ had everything you could possibly need, clothes, food, furniture, toys, electronics, you name it. Though this was pretty much the reason it always had people packed up like sardines inside. 

Winnie didn't care too much for the crowds, they made her anxious, but she had to clothe her vampire so sacrifices had to be made. Thankfully his hand wrapped around her smaller one made her feel a little more at ease.  Winnie glanced up as she noticed the security camera and television screen that was on the security camera. She blinked for a moment noticing it looked as if she was holding onto thin air on screen. 

Huh, I guess vampires don't show up on camera.

Winnie immediately took Astarion to the clothing section and immediately smiled from ear to ear as she noticed him searching through the clothing with the giddiest of grins.

“Hm what about this?” Astarion purred and held out a black cropped tank and short leather jacket on a hanger. Winnie grabbed some jeans to go with the outfit.

“Here, try it with this. There's a room you can change in over there.” Winnie said before pointing at the men’s fitting room. She waited as he went to try it on, a shiver going down her spine. 

Winnie could feel eyes on her, as if she was being watched. Hunted maybe. However when she looked she only saw what appeared to be regular old SuperStore shoppers. No one particularly intimidating, unless you count some dude walking around with saggy pants that look like they were about to fall off. But Winnie still felt this uneasiness in the pit of her stomach. 

Just nerves. You're alright.

She mentally told herself. Eventually Astarion walked out of the fitting room in the outfit. He looked rather stylish and the cropped shirt exposing his abdomen was rather enticing. 

“Well, what do you think?” He asked.

“You look good.” Winnie said, shyly with a blush. 

Astarion crossed his arms with a pout.

“Just good? Really, you can do better than that!” He whined.

“More beautiful than all the stars in the sky. There, satisfied?” Winnie replied.

“A bit sappy for my tastes, but it'll do I suppose.” The vampire sassed, playing with one of his curls. 

“Okay okay, now go and get redressed. We've got more outfits to look for.” Winnie hummed, waving the vampire off. The process repeated a few times Astarion got an outfit he liked before changing into it and demanding satisfactory praise from Winnie. And if he didn't get it he'd act like a drama queen until she said something he liked. This continued until they had at least five different outfits that were to Astarion's taste. 

Dear God, I'm about to spend 200 dollars on this man….

Winnie mentally whimpered, already feeling the stinging pain of her bank account getting lighter. 

She pondered the possibility of eventually pleading with the vampire to get a night time job, but then the idea of all the chaos he could cause completely squashed that idea. Winnie sighed and pushed the dreadful thoughts out of her mind as she continued to look around with her vampiric love. The two eventually came up towards the jewelry counter as the elf’s red eyes scanned over some earrings. Studs and small hoops in particular. The ones he appeared to be interested in were gold naturally considering his rather painful silver allergy.   

“See something you like, Star?” Winnie asked. 

“I've always wanted a pair of these. Unfortunately my..ahem… previous occupations never allowed it.” Astarion explained.  Winnie sighed a bit, probably about to regret what she was going to offer.

“Would you like me to buy them for you?” Winnie asked begrudgingly.

“Yes please!” Astarion giggled before planting a kiss upon Winnie's cheek.  Winnie blinked, face turning red as the biggest dopey grin spread across her face. Her annoyance about the money completely vanished. She then proceeded to ring the bell at the counter and summon the jewelry department worker.

“Hello, how can I help you?” A middle aged blonde haired woman stepped up to the counter. 

“Yeah uh ... .my…. partner would like his ears pierced please…Also some earrings.” Winnie said shyly. The woman immediately looked Astarion over, eyes widening as she noticed his teeth.

“Goodness are those fangs? Crazy things you kids will do these days.” The woman said. Astarion looked as if he was about to say something, but Winnie quickly spoke up.

“Well you know fashion can be pretty crazy sometimes! My boyfriend definitely had a wild goth phase a while back.” Winnie chuckled nervously, “anyway let's just get the ear piercing over with…Gotta get home before it gets too late.” The brunette rambled on.

“Alright, take off the hood, son.” The lady said. 

“Winnie my hair.” Astarion murmured to her. 

“Alright I'll get it, just hold still, I'll get it!” She said, pulling down his hood and fixing his pretty white curls. 

“Oh, good lord those ears!” The woman gasped, “Are they real?”

“Yes, he had a birth defect as a baby. He's real sensitive about it though.” Winnie whispered out the last part and the woman just gasped and nodded. Astarion glared over at Winnie with an unamused expression. A little peeved she wasn't letting him talk. Winnie just smiled and laughed nervously. The lady approached him, taking out the earring gun as Winnie stood by, watching nervously.

“AH! FUCKING HELLS!”

Unfortunately elf ears were extremely sensitive.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“They look good, Star. Honestly you look really good.” Winnie complimented as they arrived home. Astarion was dressed in one of the outfits he'd picked out while Winnie had the rest packed into her trunk. 

“Everything looks good on me, darling.~” Astarion smirked, wind blowing through his snowy white curls as they rode home on Winnie's bike. Winnie let out a yawn, her eyes feeling a bit sleepy.  Winnie was so ready to get home and sleep.

Maybe even cuddle up with her vampire boyfriend again who knows? If she could just work up the courage to ask. Astarion had a pair of blood red studs in his elven ears which matched rather well with his eyes.  Eventually they reached the suburbs, slowing down as Winnie’s house was in sight. Slowly they pulled into the driveway, getting their bags out of the motorcycle’s little trunk and sneaking back around the house to Winnie’s window.

Astarion climbed up first and pulled the window open.

“Clothes, love.”  He whispered, before Winnie tossed him the bags. The vampire tossed them in before climbing back down. “Now you, precious thing.~” He purred, ushering for Winnie to climb up next. 

Winnie took a deep breath before climbing up, struggling a bit as she attempted to wiggle her way through the window, legs flailing a bit. Red eyes were glued to her plump rear end. 

As delicious as this sight is, I should probably assist.

Astarion placed his hands on the chubby female’s backside, pushing her up suddenly. She let out a squeak and dropped into her room, falling onto the floor with a huff.  Astarion swiftly climbed up after her, slipping in through the window with ease.

“And here we are, safe and sound!” Astarion sighed and stretched out while Winnie still laid on the floor, face down, ass up, as she tried to catch her breath from the climb up, panting like she had just run a marathon. 

“Um….Who are you?” A small voice suddenly asked from the other side of the room. Astarion looked over to see Winnie's twelve year old step sister, eyes wide with shock.

“Shit.” Astarion breathed out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Man, I did not mean for it to get this long! So, what did you think? Did you know who the mystery man following Winnie is? Any concerns about Astarion making the neighborhood's critter population go down? Are you mad I had Astarion and Winnie's kiss interrupted? Oh, what am I saying everyone gets triggered by that trope lol.

~Druid

Taglist: @astarioffsimpmain , @marcynomercy , @iamsexytrash , @gaymistakeboi , @divineknightmare , @tinyfreakgirl , @tiedyedghoulette , @misscrissfemmefatale, @gianchan-de , @jaksfanficsaver , @the-disaster-in-waiting , @hp-art-studio , @im-just-a-simp-le-whore , @dajeong , @iamnotokei

[switchkick]

[nando161mando]

A perfect snapshot of America in the trending articles from 12/6/24

[itsbansheebitch]

Briana Boston faces terrorism charges and CEOs are getting free therapy

Briana Boston is a 42 year old mother of three from Florida who is under house arrest for expressing her frustration at her insurance (which she PAYS for) who denied her claim. She owns ZERO guns and doesn't have a criminal record.

She was originally held in prison for $100,000 bail. They have not dropped the charges and she is under house arrest even after widespread backlash.

They are trying to charge her with terrorism. They want her to spend 15 years in prison.

They are calling her a Luigi Mangione copycat. As if she killed someone. She made a indirect, not at all credible threat.

Meanwhile...

I want every woman who has ever faced threats online, stalking, etc to bring this Briana Boston up at every opportunity. Every time you were told by police that there was nothing they could do, know that they not only CAN do something, but they WILL do something, just not for you.

[punk-bed-junction]

I'll be so honest right now the thing I love about everyone not caring or congratulating the guy who downed the UnitedHealthcare CEO is that this will inspire other "copycats" if you know what I mean.

There are people who have nothing left to lose, people who want to make a mark in history, people who would want to be known nationwide, people who see through the NYPD's bluff and realize that they can get away with ending a CEOs life when everybody wants you to get away.

I'm not promoting anything! But this is something that has been seen time and time again in history, soooo

[victusinveritas]

[questioningstressing]

Man kills multiple, poor, children at schools: Ough just plain murder, sorry we can't get his sentence any higher there's no way we could :(

Man kills someone with the blood of thousands on his hands, but that someone happens to be rich: YOU'RE A TERRORIST TERRORISM! TERRORISM!!!!! JAIL FOR 100000000 YEARS!!!

[coral-reef-in-command]

I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone make this yet

[rome-fell-in-a-day]

"We live in a country where people think vigilante justice is okay." No. We live in a country where vigilante justice is the only form of justice being served. We live in a country where vigilante justice is necessary. People's reactions aren't indicative of a moral decline amongst average citizens, they're indicative of a moral decline amongst the government.

Don't be surprised that the working class is taking things into their own hands until you understand how much they've suffered at the hands of those who are supposed to protect them.

[ymahousewine]

There's something you need to know about US health insurance

While the topic is still hot I want to mention something I think is important. I have made a post or two before but it bears repeating.

I once worked at a call center of one of the leading health insurance companies

The corruption and coddling of "the rich" is REAL.

None of the executives of Facebook, snap chat, twitter (any social media or tech company) pay deductibles

YES THE RICH DO NOT HAVE DEDUCTIBLES

Not only that but ELECTIVE SURGERIES (noes jobs, boob jobs, face lifts, tummy tucks ect.) for these people was also covered in full.

And these are RICH people. Not your neighbor who collects fancy watches with the lake house. Not the guy with the loud shiny car or the lady with fancy clothes. Oh no those neighbors might as well be paupers cosplaying as rich compared to these people.

The other thing that I need to tell you is this: the children of the rich are walking pharmacies. All the party drugs normal people go to jail for "abusing" yeah these kids have a script even if the medications don't make sense to prescribe together.

One of the most radicalizing moments in my time there was:

I had one call with a RICH person and let them know their elective rhinoplasty and boob job for their wife was covered with no deductible. The plan they were on was like $250 a month, for a billionaire, for the whole family.

Right after that call I had to tell a young woman that her medically necessary abortion would not be covered.

Walking out of that job was not difficult. Keep in mind, the call center reps have no control over what insurance will and will not pay for. They cannot "do you favors" and push a claim in faster. I have plenty of stories from my time there, from people loosing their minds to actual threats to completely incompetent supervisors. But the thing that stuck with me the most is that the unfairness and corruption is baked into insurance from the start.

It's designed to keep/make you as poor as possible

[thechaoticdruid]

[This Bites] (4)

Pairing: Astarion x Chubby Female MC

Chapter Summary: Astarion saves Maddie from a near death experience. Winnie must prepare Astarion for living in the modern world once she's informed that an inconvenience is coming to visit. Her little stepsister.

Warning/Content: Fluff, suggestive content, sexual humor, brief nudity, blood drinking, asshole Brian strikes again, Winnie being a nervous wreck as usual, Astarion being Astarion, possible grammar/spelling errors, maybe ooc moments for Star, butt

Chapter Three: Move back a little.

Chapter Four: Okay you're good.

Chapter Five: It's a BIG one!

(Entire series index right here.)

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Winnie was about to bolt back outside before Astarion gripped her shoulder. 

“Wait a moment dear. You'll break your neck out there in the dark. I'll be able to find her much faster, trust me.” Astarion insisted. Given that they didn't have much time Winnie nodded and allowed Astarion to rush back outside. 

Once outside the elven vampire quickly moved in the direction of the cat’s scent. The sound of barking had gotten louder and louder as he made his way to Winnie’s backyard. The terrain began to get steeper as the yard dipped down into the forest below the hill Winnie’s house sat upon.

On the way down he took note of a tree with a torn rope tied to the trunk. The tree sat in the yard left to Winnie’s.  Down at the very bottom of the hill he spotted a large dog, snarling and lunging at a tree. The dog had a large head, muscular frame, and its tail and ears appeared to have been docked and cropped to make it look more menacing. There was also a torn rope attached to the beast's collar that dragged behind it.

The dog jumped up with a loud growl, lunging up towards a branch where Maddie clung, the fur on her back puffed up in fear as she hissed.

Astarion looked down at the dog, rolling his eyes before suddenly the mutt turned towards him growling and slobbering. 

The vampire’s crimson red eyes almost seemed to glow in the moonlight, his lips parted to reveal long sharp canines. The dog halted its growling, letting out a whimper in response to seeing the humanoid's teeth before almost immediately bolting for it. It seemed the dog had absolutely no idea what Astarion was but definitely did not want to stick around to find out.  The pale elf smirked, watching the mutt run away in fear before returning his attention up to Maddie. The little black ball of fluff looked down at him with frightened blue eyes as her little pink nose twitched, taking in his scent. 

“Come here, precious.” The silver haired elf said sweetly, his arms stretched out as he gestured for the feline to leap into them. Maddie looked down at him, she moved slightly towards the edge of the branch hesitantly. For a moment she appeared ready to jump, but as her paw slid off the edge of the branch slightly she quickly backed up, fearful of falling. Maddie let out a long frightened mewl before glancing back down at Astarion.

Astarion let out an annoyed huff, “looks like I have to do everything.” He looked over at the tree trunk before glancing back at his claw like fingernails.

He hummed in thought before digging his nails into the tree and proceeded to climb up with ease.

“Gods, I wasn't entirely sure that would work….” He said as he reached the limb where the cat had been, climbing up and sitting on it.  The branch shook slightly with the extra weight, causing the feline to sink her claws into the wood and let out another fearful mewl. “Alright you little sh-...ahem precious little angel…Come to Astarion!” The elf tried to coo, but the hassle of the situation was beginning to get on his nerves. Thankfully the feline eventually mustered up the courage to creep closer to the tree trunk, allowing Astarion to grab hold of her. He held her tightly to his chest before looking down. The vampire proceeded to drop down from the tree, landing safely on his feet in an almost cat-like manner.

Winnie was looking out her window from her room, unfortunately the darkness made it near impossible for her to see what was going on.

Her heart was pounding in terror.  She was so scared something would happen to her cat. Eventually she heard her door open and Astarion entered holding Maddie safely in his arms. The little puffball was purring in content. 

“Maddie, you’re okay. Thank God!” Winnie almost teared up in joy as she quickly moved to scoop the cat out of his arms. She hugged the little feline close, taking a deep breath in relief.  Winnie snuggled her cat close for a few moments as Maddie purred before she was set gently onto the floor. 

“Thank you, Astarion.” Winnie smiled and hugged him tightly. The elf blinked a bit in surprise before quickly returning her hug. 

“Anything for you, my sweet.” He murmured, nuzzling his face into her neck. Winnie blushed a bit before quickly pulling back and clearing her throat in nervousness. 

“Well…um…I should probably get to sleep soon…” She said awkwardly looking around the room as Astarion let out a yawn and stretched. 

“Of course, goodnight my dear.” He said before taking a seat in a cozy armchair that sat between Winnie’s bed and her bookcase. The following nights he'd spent there he'd tranced in that chair. 

It was incredibly comfortable, so soft and cushy. Winnie glanced over at her bed and then Astarion, thinking for a moment as Maddie went to lay at the vampire’s feet. 

“Ah…wait a moment Astarion…” She suddenly spoke up.  Astarion frowned and a bit of concern appeared on his face.

“Is something wrong, love?” He asked. Winnie bit her lip before looking down at her arm. 

“No, it's just I'd like to thank you properly for saving Maddie.” She took a deep breath before stretching out her arm. “Here, drink…” 

“Are you certain?” Astarion asked, though Winnie could already see the hunger in his eyes. 

“Yes, I'm sure.” She said with a nod. Astarion stood up before suddenly placing his hands on Winnie’s shoulders. 

“Here, you might want to lie down. I wouldn't want you to fall over if you get dizzy.” He gave her a soft smile before she sat back on her bed, abandoning her shoes on the floor and laying back. Winnie stretched out her arm for him as Astarion crouched down, taking hold of her arm gently. Winnie shivered, feeling his breath hit her skin before suddenly he ran his tongue over one of the veins on her arm. Her face burned and she closed her eyes, preparing herself. 

“Fuck….” Winnie cursed through gritted teeth as she felt his icy sharp fangs pierce through her flesh, feeling like she just had two thick needles jammed into her arm.  Astarion couldn't help but moan softly against her skin. The taste of her blood was intoxicating. Hells, it was even better than Tav's! The pain from his bite eventually numbed out, replaced by the gentle feeling of sucking. Heat rushed to the female's face as she felt him groan against her arm. She bit down on her lip to ensure no questionable noises were to leave her own mouth. Then eventually as her head began to feel lighter Astarion pulled back, licking up any excess blood before flicking his tongue over the holes left from his bite. Winnie watched curiously as she noticed they appeared to close up as he licked over them, stopping any more blood from escaping. It was interesting.

Astarion planted a soft kiss over the bite before pulling back and looking over at Winnie’s now slightly paler looking face.

“There, all better.” He hummed, his crimson gaze had a tender fondness to it. One of his hands was still holding her arm while the other was tracing circles over her wrist with his index finger. Winnie turned her head and blushed darkly. She was at a complete loss for words and heart was pounding so fast she was afraid it would suddenly pop!

“Y-Yes well…Thanks again for s-saving my cat…Anyway goodnight!” She quickly said before pulling her wrist away and turning away from him on her bed, covering up her body as if to hide. 

Astarion looked down at her covered form with a smile as he repressed the urge to chuckle.

Cute.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

The next morning Winnie snuggled comfortably into her bed, honestly exhausted from all the excitement of last night and also a bit weak from letting Astarion use her as a juice box. She nuzzled her face into her pillows, in a partially asleep, partially awake state. 

“WINNIE! GET THE HELL UP!” Brian’s obnoxiously loud voice caused her to shoot up, eyes wide open. Winnie turned her head towards the door as it slammed open revealing her step father. She rubbed her eyes, hair wild and even more disheveled than usual. 

“WINNIE!” He shouted again.

“I'm up! I'm up!” She replied, grumbling under her breath as she stumbled out of bed.

“Don't you talk back to me! We're going to get Vanessa today and I want this house spotless by the time we get back!” 

“I got schoolwork ya know, Brian?” Winnie sighed in annoyance, rubbing her head.

“It can wait. Those writing classes are a waste of money anyway, you can't seriously think you're going to actually make a living like that. Now get to cleaning I-......What the hell is that on your arm!?” Brian's brown eyes narrowed right at the bite mark on Winnie's arm. She tensed up. Shit. This was bad. She had to think quick!

“Ah, it's um..A cat bite! Me and Maddie were rough housing last night!” Winnie exclaimed, holding her arm up and rubbing it.

“Tch, well…. Keep that stupid animal locked in your room. I don't want it going anywhere near my daughter when she gets here.” Brian turned and slammed the door shut as he left.

Winnie sighed in relief as she watched him exit. Of course that relief did not last for long as realization set in. Shit. Nessa was coming.  Worry flooded over the young woman as she realized Brian's twelve year old daughter from his previous marriage was coming over today. This could be really bad.  While Vanessa was nowhere as horrible as her asshole father, she could be rather annoying.  She also had a habit of barging into Winnie’s room, but unlike her father she definitely did not announce her arrival. Winnie would have to be extra careful not to let her see Astarion.

Wait a minute…. WHERE IS ASTARION!?!

Winnie quickly looked around the room. The pale elf was nowhere in sight. Winnie attempted to calm herself, reasoning that he was just in the closet hiding like a good little vampire and definitely not a pile of ash laying outside on the ground. She'd look around for him once Brian and her mother left. Winnie left her room and carefully walked out into the kitchen before she began to unload and reload the dishwasher. Brian walked out of the master bedroom, picking up his dog, Ollie and heading out the front door. 

Winnie’s mother eventually exited the bedroom as well. Her eyes looked tired as she stopped to fix her long brown hair before turning to get her coat. She seemed drained most of the time these days, even when she wasn't sick, she just seemed lifeless at times.

“Hey Ma.” Winnie called, looking over at her mother. 

“Hi Winnie. How's your schoolwork coming, sweetie?”

“It's kinda on hold at the moment.” Winnie sighed, “Brian decided I was in charge of cleaning up the house today.”

“I'll see about talking to him about it on the way to pick up Nessa. You need to focus on your classes, darlin.” Winnie's mother said before walking over and ruffling her daughter’s hair.

“I love you.” Her mother then proceeded to walk out the front door, leaving Winnie all alone.

Not like it matters. She always says that, and nothing ever fucking happens!

Winnie rubbed her temple in frustration.  She tiptoed over towards the blinds near the front door before peeking outside. The messy haired female watched as Brian and her mom got in the car and drove off. Once she was sure they were gone Winnie turned and scanned the area.

“Where the hell has that vampire gone?” She huffed.

“Astarion? Astarion!” Winnie called out, but didn't seem to get any reply. Dread began to eat away at her mind. The brunette rushed back into her room and opened her closet. Nothing but clothes.

Her heart was pounding with fear and worry. She thought about running outside and praying to whatever God would listen that maybe he'd been able to find some shade to hide in as she searched for him, but then suddenly she heard what sounded like water.  “Astarion?” She called again. Still no answer.

Winnie walked over to her bathroom and opened the door. She stepped inside, noticing Maddie sitting on the floor next to the tub. Winnie’s face suddenly turned bright red as she looked over at the bathtub. 

“Oh, hello my sweet. Did you need something?” Astarion was sitting in the tub in all his beautifully naked glory, soapy water being the only thing keeping his unmentionables hidden. His white curls were dripping wet and slicked back as he glanced over at Winnie casually.  All the while Maddie leaned over the tub, seemingly to debate on whether or not she should prod at the water with her paws. 

“You're taking a bath now!? I thought you were dead for fucks sake!” Winnie exclaimed before averting her eyes. The sight of the pale elf’s muscular chest and rock hard abs were making her legs feel like jelly.

“Technically I am. But I'd rather not smell like it, hence the bath.” Astarion replied, crossing one leg over the other. Winnie bit her lip trying to stay calm. 

There is a naked man next to me. A very attractive naked man.  A very naked attractive man.

FUUUUCK I-I THINK I'M GONNA FAINT. I CAN'T….

“Oh don't act all innocent! This is hardly the first time you've seen me unclothed.” Astarion rolled his eyes. 

“T-This…This is d-different!” Winnie sputtered. Seeing  a naked character in a video game was one thing, but a real grown ass man naked in her house was another.  And HOW JUST HOW WAS HE SO CASUAL ABOUT THIS!? Honestly if Winnie didn't know any better she'd almost think he believed they were married.

“Gods below you're so pathetically sheltered.” He muttered under his breath. Winnie took a deep breath before speaking.

“Look, there's something I need to talk to you about soon. I'll wait outside for you to get done.” Winnie sighed before stepping out of the bathroom.

“Come on Maddie!” She called to the cat who let out a few quick and short mews before padding out the door to follow her human. On top of having to feed him, hide him and make sure he doesn't get himself or anyone else killed Winnie was now having to deal with him casually being naked in front of her around the house like they'd been married for years or something. And she could just not handle it. She felt like she was going to throw up from nervousness. 

Winnie quickly went to work on cleaning up the house as best as she could, trying to make sure Brain had as little to complain about as possible.

She took out the trash, did the laundry, swept the floor and cleaned up any surprises from Ollie before heading back to her room and plopping down on the bed.  Winnie looked over at her laptop, grabbing it off the nightstand and setting it on her lap. She opened it up and began to try and get some school work done as Maddie hopped up and snuggled beside her.  

“How long does it take for one man to take a bath?” She groaned to herself before continuing to focus on her work.  One of the tabs ended up catching her eye as she filled out the answers on her school assignment. It was the Nexus Mod page.  Quickly Winnie typed in ShadowMommy69 and began to search for that person. Whoever they were they did something miraculous, and Winnie wanted to know how and if there were any repercussions for it. But unfortunately, as she continued her search, she was met with nothing.

As if this user had just vanished. Likely deleted their account.  Were they aware of what happened somehow? Is this why they've vanished?  She typed in ShadowMommy69 mods into her search engine before suddenly the bathroom door opened, revealing Astarion in only a towel.  Winnie tensed up and forced herself to look at her computer screen. 

Look at the screen. Look at the screen. Do NOT look at the half naked man currently changing…. Ahhhh...

Her eyes suddenly glanced back, seeing Astarion look over the spare clothes left out for him, he sneered at them, finding them dull and uninspiring. But for now they would have to do.

Astarion suddenly dropped the towel around his waist. Winnie’s eyes went wide as she got a clear view of his naked ass.  Winnie closed her laptop and set it to the side before falling on her side and just lying there on the bed. Her brain had stopped working.

Astarion glanced over to see Winnie’s reflection in the mirror, a smug smirk adorned his face.

     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Astarion had got himself dressed finally, wearing a black tee and jeans. He'd given Winnie a moment to compose herself before taking a seat in the recliner near her bed.

“You said you had something you wanted to talk about, darling?” He hummed.

“Ah, y-yeah. Someone new is coming here today. Brian has a daughter. She's quite young and has a habit of barging in unannounced.”

“Ah, so it runs in the family then?” Astarion chuckled. 

“This is serious. You need to be careful. We should probably come up with a cover story in case you ever do get seen in here.” Winnie sighed. 

“Winnie.” Astarion said softly, “my love, you worry too much. It'll be fine. If things here are like you said, I doubt anyone would believe a child claiming there was a vampire in the house.”

“No. Nobody would, but if that child were to claim a strange man was in her sister's room…” Winnie crossed her arms.

“Well, perhaps that would look rather suspicious.” Astarion admitted.

“Ya think?” Winnie rubbed her temples. “If anyone finds you, you are my friend from work. Your ears are either part of a costume or some birth defect, whichever works for you.” 

“Oh sweetheart, I'd much rather be referred to as your lover.~” Astarion purred. Winnie just rolled her eyes. 

“You do that and Brian will have more ammo against me. He'll probably make accusations about me bringing random men home. Probably call me a whore.” Winnie huffed before looking off to the side. 

“You know darling, the more you tell me about your stepfather the more I feel like dumping his lifeless carcass off in a ditch somewhere.” Astarion muttered with a sadistic smirk. Though despite the evil grin on his face, his blood boiled at the thought of someone calling Winnie something so foul. 

“Astarion, I've already told you, you cannot eat-”

“Oh no no no…. I've no desire to drink from that walking privy any longer! I was more so entertaining the idea of using poison, less of a mess anyway and-” 

“No killing. I've told you already!” Winnie said sternly. Astarion crossed his arms with a pout and muttered something under his breath. He wanted so badly to end this asshole, but that would probably make Winnie very upset.  He wanted to do something about him though. He had to damnit! Devious little schemes began to form in the elf's mind. Astarion's thoughts were then interrupted by Winnie putting a strange square device in front of him.

“Here, I got this for you. It's like mine, but not as advanced. It's a phone. I told you about it earlier, a machine for communication.” She said as she handed it to him. “I want you to keep it on you and use it if you need me. I've put my number on it.” Winnie said before quickly explaining how to use it, showing Astarion the buttons and apps. It was an older phone however, not a smart phone like Winnie’s so there was much less to mess with and no internet since it was a burner phone after all.

“While I do appreciate the help…I really don't think I can get the damn thing to work!” He hissed out, fingers struggling to press the buttons.

“Oh right….I didn't consider the fact that you had claws now….” Winnie held her chin in thought. “Well I'm sure you can get the hang of it if you keep trying. Women with longer nails than you have used these.” The young woman chuckled a little as he struggled to use his cell. His face looked so cute when he was grumpy! 

Winnie then turned to grab her laptop once again as Astarion kept fiddling with the phone. She continued to work on her computer eventually feeling a bit hungry and her head began to ache.

‘Shit. I probably should have eaten something sooner. Astarion did drink my blood last night after all.’

Winnie finished the last few questions on her assignment before closing her laptop and getting up. Astarion quickly noticed her leaving the room.

“Where are you going?” 

“To the kitchen.” She said, internally sighing as the vampire followed her like a lost puppy. Well to be fair she had kept him locked up in her room for literal days, the least she could do was let him follow her around. Winnie got out a cup of noodles before filling it with water and putting it in the microwave. “This thing cooks food by the way.” She said, she rubbed her head with her hand. “Though I guess you probably won't use it for anything.” Winnie turned back to him. She felt a bit awkward, being alone with him now.  She wasn't really good at making conversation that didn't involve any nerdy stuff. Winnie had been lucky that on their date he was very content with talking her ears off while she sat quietly and listened. 

“No I don't think I will.” Astarion mumbled. He stood closer to Winnie as she waited on her food to cook. 

Barking suddenly caused Winnie to turn her head and look at the window. At first she was fearful that Brian and the others were back, but she quickly realized the pitch was much too deep to be Ollie.

“Hm, it's the same damn mutt from last night.” Astarion took a peek out the window, careful to stay out of the rays of the sun.

“The dog that was after Maddie?” Winnie asked.

“Yes, filthy beast chased her up a tree.” Astarion said, looking out into the backyard. The dog was running a muck, snarling and darting after squirrels.  The microwave then beeped causing Astarion to jump.  Winnie chuckled and took her food out before getting some chopsticks and skillfully twirling them around in the noodles. She slurped them into her mouth as Astarion watched her slowly. 

“You just going to stand there and watch me eat…?” Winnie asked with a sigh.

“What else am I supposed to do? The sun will turn me to ash if I go outside. This little phone device is a menace and I'm not even sure I want to find out what anything else in this house does.” Astarion whined before suddenly he smirked, “I’d suggest a passionate round of sex, but I fear you might die of a heart attack as soon as you see my unclothed body again.” He teased, causing Winnie’s cheeks to redden. 

“Well…I suppose since I finished my work I could do something with you.” Winnie glanced over at him.

“Oh lover, are you sure you're ready? ~” Astarion purred suggestively.

“I'm not talking about THAT!” Winnie snapped, face flushed in embarrassment.

Astarion snickered, “oh alright, what do you have in mind?” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Winnie had brought Astarion into the living room and went over what a television was. She explained how movies and TV shows were basically like recorded plays to the best of her ability.  She'd come up with the idea of showing him some of her favorite gory horror movies! Something she was sure he would just love. 

They say together on the couch as Winnie had put on a good slasher film and it had seemed to work pretty well. Her vampire was grinning from ear to ear as the film’s protagonists were picked off one by one, each meeting an incredibly gruesome fate. 

“Ooh I like this! Do they all end up dying in the end?” Astarion asked, scooting closer to Winnie and making himself comfortable. 

“Shh…. Just watch and find out!” Winnie hushed him, unable to repress the giddy grin that crept onto her face. Astarion was rather cute when he was happy.   

The main characters in the movie had somehow stumbled into some nightmarish hellscape reality, where they had to run and hide from several different demonic looking creatures, all who were much too eager to tear them to pieces.  

Winnie shyly leaned against Astarion as they watched the movie, hesitantly laying her head on his shoulder. He was a little too invested in the movie to glance down at her, but his arm snaked around her almost instantly. Everything was nice. Cozy. Winnie smiled a little, feeling her heart skip a beat.  Perhaps this wasn't so hard.

“Hells’ teeth!” Astarion suddenly tightened his grip around Winnie as he tensed up in fear. On screen appeared a monochrome colored clown with razor sharp teeth and blood red eyes. 

“Astarion! You're squishing me!” Winnie complained. Astarion didn't seem to listen, just clutched her against his chest tightly as if she was a teddy bear.  The clown in the movie was sawing one of the main characters into pieces. So it was the usual gory horror movie stuff, but since Astarion seemed pretty terrified of the clown Winnie decided to turn the movie off. Astarion pulled back from Winnie and looked at her in confusion.

“Why'd you go and do that?” He pouted.

“You were crushing my ribs!” Winnie exclaimed as she rubbed her sides, “If I had known you were this afraid of clowns, I'd have picked another movie.”

“Pft. I was not afraid!” He scoffed and crossed his arms.

“Then why were you hugging me to death?” Winnie raised an eyebrow.

“Well obviously I was making sure you felt safe and secure. Gods.”

“Yes, nearly breaking my ribs made me feel soooo safe.” Winnie sassed and rolled her eyes.

Astarion was about to make another quip before his pointed ears suddenly twitched. 

“Someone's coming.” He said. Winnie quickly snapped her head to the window, her eyes spotting Brian's car in the driveway, doors quickly opening. 

“Shit. You need to hide!” Winnie panicked, Astarion glanced about quickly before suddenly loud deep barks were heard and then a scream from outside.  

What the hell?

~•~•~•~•~~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Note from TheChaoticDruid: This chapter got too long. Kinda going to be a bit slice of life here and there. I hope that's okay with you guys. Also, I hope it's okay that right now it's mostly just ocs I PROMISE we will get more BG3 characters. It just might take a bit.

Also more stuff on ShadowMommy69 coming soon....

Taglist: @astarioffsimpmain , @iamsexytrash , @tiedyedghoulette , @hp-art-studio , @gaymistakeboi , @the-disaster-in-waiting , @misscrissfemmefatale , @divineknightmare , @marcynomercy

[asherousstuff]

[nando161mando]

The response to this Ben Shapiro video.

Conservatives are waking up to the grift.

[hamable]

One last thing, I CANT get over how during the reveal, Brennan looks to Murph and goes, “Barbarian healing? What the hell is barbarian healing?”

Murph. Rules lawyer dungeon master Murph. Married to Emily “read-the-book” Axford. How did he miss this. How did we miss it. There is NO barbarian feature that resembles healing. It was right there. It’s been there for years. It was right in front of us.

And he dangles that revelation right in front of Murph bc he KNOWS that one’s gotta hurt.

[victusinveritas]

[daniel-nerd]

I'm here again, this time to celebrate the successful assassination of one of the biggest serial killers in human history, brian thompson!!

his annual income was 14.6 MILLION $. with 10 MILLION of it coming from his SALARY ALONE!!

he used an "AI" algorithm with 90% failure rate to deny patients life saving medical care, and put their families into debt so unfathomably big, their grand children wouldn't be able to pay it off even if they worked from the age of 12 to 100.

the hero biked off after shooting this domestic terrorist in the head point blank, and the police have no idea where to even begin to search because so many people wanted him dead.

sending hope and prayers to satan who need to now suffer this pig's existence for eternity.

may he be the first of many similar terrorists.