#frustrating as fuck man
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Right well I totally fucked up my left arm. Fucking super. Awesome shit.
#thoughts#personal#i dont know what happened really#veins never work when i have what i want#then veins work good & fine when i dont have what i need.#frustrating as fuck man#my left arm is now numb-ish#and its swollen#and its red#damnit all#other than this going awry life is absolutely loving kicking me while im down#fucking stupid#i just dont fucking know anymore#this shit better not turn into am abscess or anything i swear to fuck man#cant handle anything lately at all#so overwhelmed#really wishing i could opt out of being alive for a while#i need a break#but the kind of break where you have no thoughts or memories of what happened like ever#like just wake up and know the basics but not too many super personal things about yourself#like a coma but no dreams or thoughts#just quiet nothingness would be nice for a while i think
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they were sleeping together at this point
#fr i think Cas was in Dean's room many of those nights + just hanging out even if they only talked/sat in silence + watching him sleep#like that is my goggles-off version#goggles on i think they were fucking on the nights cas was in the bunker both when things were looking up + when antsy and frustrated..#like when Dean comes back from purgatory pissed they lost Gabrielā¦#Castiel likeā¦ ok not getting laid tonight but is so glad heās backā¦. + Dean is glad to be back even though he feels so guiltyā¦#nice to be in his own bed in his own room + not the dirt with fucking ketch of all people!!#misses his bedā¦ misses his pillowā¦ even though he canāt sleep#but Cas is there to talk to himā¦ or just sit in silence until he finally crashes..#whatever man#supernatural#dean winchester#castiel
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really really canāt recommend kevin can f**k himself enough, especially if you grew up watching sitcoms. itās such a well done deconstruction/criticism of the genre and the way they blend the sitcom with the drama and the reality of what being married to a guy like kevin would be is so unique and bold and i think they nailed it
#you really feel allisonās frustration and isolation that no one can see what kevin is#and the way they show that abuse is not always just yelling and violence like this man has been destroying her for years#but heās a goofball! heās an idiot! itās just kevin! the world enables him. it was BUILT to enable him#the way the cuts from the sitcom to the 'real world' force you to realize how awful his behavior really is#(and therefore how awful the behavior of all the sitcom husbands he represents really is)#like ok minor spoilers but āsitcomā kevin kicking the door shut because haha he thinks thereās a zombie outside!#cutting to āreal worldā allison getting bashed in the face by the door#CRAZY.#kevin can fuck himself#dee.txt
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keep seeing shit about the new ts album & mental illness and i am so so tired. please be nice to actually "crazy" people if ur gonna use us for the aesthetic. i'm not schizophrenic cause it's cute. don't joke about asylums if u haven't had those experiences (and even some of y'all who have been treat it like a vacation & to the rest of us it's prison. i mean literally. prison. incarceration. that's not new shit. and yeah, i'm that "actually crazy" person screaming in the ward. ur not any better than me.)
idk i keep posting and deleting about this cause i can't get my thoughts out properly i just. i'm tired. there was already a worsening problem of "socially acceptable" mental illness pushing out the rest of us (as it's always been) and now there's the top artist in the united states calling herself crazy, saying you should be scared of her, she was raised in an asylum, etc. and it's like.... that's my lived experience. medical doctors refuse to treat me because they're scared of my psychiatric disorders. i've had the cops called on me for episodes. i spent a decade rotting in the mental health system & institutions and i only got out after years of planning how to get away. and so much more i cant even put into words.
and now not only are y'all using folk like me & our experiences for the aesthetic. you're not even a decent human being to those of us who have actually lived through this shit. idk man. really rubs me the wrong way.
#idk if this makes any sense my brain is spaghetti this morning but i'm just frustrated and need to put it somewhere#and i still keep thinking about that tiktok where that girl films another psych patient without their consent#and everyone is making fun of them for being crazy in the comments#and it's just like????? what the fuck. and i keep encountering people like that. who are just absolute shitheads#even if they claim to understand my experiences#idk man#fuck#actually schizophrenic#actually mentally ill
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there's something about the way people talk about john gaius (incl the way the author writes him) that is like. so absent of any connection to te ao mÄori that it's really discomforting. like even in posts that acknowledge him as not being white, they still talk about him like a white, american leftist guy in a way that makes it clear people just AREN'T perceiving him as a mÄori man from aotearoa.
and it's just really serves to hammer home how powerful and pervasive whiteness and american hegemony is. because TLT is probably the single most Kiwi series in years to explode on the global stage, and all the things i find fraught about it as a pÄkehÄ woman reading a series by a pÄkehÄ author are illegible to a greater fandom of americans discoursing about whether or not memes are a valid way of portraying queer love.
idk the part of my brain that lights up every time i see a capital Z printed somewhere because of the New Zealand Mentioned??? instinct will always be proud of these books and muir. but i find myself caught in this midpoint of excitement and validation over my culture finding a place on the global stage, frustration at how kiwi humour and means of conveying emotion is misinterpreted or declared facile by an international audience, frustrated also by how that international audience runs the characters in this book through a filter of american whiteness before it bothers to interpret them, and ESPECIALLY frustrated by how muir has done a pretty middling job of portraying te ao mÄori and the mÄoriness of her characters, but tht conversation doesn't circulate in the same way* because a big part of the audience doesn't even realise the conversation is there to be had.
which is not to say that muir has done a huge glaring racism that non-kiwis haven't noticed or anything, but rather that there are very definitely things that she has done well, things that she has done poorly, things that she didn't think about in the first book that she has tacked on or expanded upon in the later books, that are all worthy of discussion and critique that can't happen when the popular posts that float past my dash are about how this indigenous man is 'guy who won't shut up about having gone to oxford'
*to be clear here, i'm not saying these conversations have never happened, just that in terms of like, ambient posts that float round my very dykey dash, the discussions and meta that circulate on this the lesbian social media, are overwhelmingly stripped of any connection to aotearoa in general, let alone te ao mÄori in specific. and because of the nature of american internet hegemony this just,,,isn't noticed, because how does a fish know it's in the ocean u know? i have seen discussions along these lines come up, and it's there if i specifically go looking for it, but it's not present in the bulk of tlt content that has its own circulatory life and i jut find that grim and a part of why the fandom is difficult to engage with.
#tlt#the locked tomb#i don't really have an answer lmao this is more#an expression of frustration and discomfort#over the way posts about john gaius seem to have very little connection to the background muir actually gave him#like you cant describe him as an educated leftist bisexual man#without INCLUDING that he is mÄori#that has an impact! that has weight and importance!#that is a background to every decision he makes#from the meat wall to the nuke to his relationship with the earth#and it also has weight and importance in the decisions that muir makes in writing him#it is not a neutral decision that he's known as john gaius lmao#it's not a neutral decision that the empire is explicitly of roman/latin extraction#it's not even neutral that this is a book about necromancy#it's certainly not a neutral fucking decision that john was at one point a mÄori man living in the bush#when the nz govt decided to send cops in#like that is a thing that happens here! that is a reference to nz cultural and political events that informs john's character and actions#and with the nature of who john is in the story#informs the narrative as a whole#and i think the tiresome part of this experience is that#in general#americans are not well positioned to understand that something might be being written from outside their experience as a default#like obviously many many americans in online leftist & queer spaces are willing to learn and take on new information#but so much of the conversation starts from a place of having to explain that forests exist to fish
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I simply think this fandom doesn't give Wei Wuxian enough credit for the various ways in which he saved Lan Wangji
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wangxian#idk man- i just see a lot of āLan Wangji has always been protecting Wei Wuxianā posts and its like...#I mean... Lan Wangji has always certainly been trying to protect Wei Wuxian#it took him a long time to figure how to successfully do that though#rereading the books rn and noticing theres a lot of instances that could be read as lwj being frustrated over his inability to protect wwx#like he seemed ready to cry when wwx went missing for a while and then came back with the cursed leg#lwj has always been great at protecting wwx from physical threats (ex: waterborn abyss) but had no idea how to protect him from himself#meanwhile wwx has always been instictually good at saving lwj from both#like I'm 100% lwj would've become like Jiang Cheng if wwx hadn't snapped him out of the blindly following authority thing#and also like... 15 y/o lwj wasnt happy with his life. he was lonely and stressed and literally signing up to be flogged whenever he goofed#wwx is who allowed lwj to grow up by showing him what it was like to actually be a kid (shown in story whenever lwj gets drunk)#he led lwj to having a more flexible mindset. and it both let lwj relax and set lwj up to be a better parent#looking into lwj's dynamic with the juniors- he lets them break a fuck ton of the petty rules and encourages them to question authority#he also teaches them to not be married to any one meathod of problem solving#wwx is also able to save lwj from his own stubbornness#ex: carrying lwj when he broke his leg. getting lwj to cough up bad blood. getting lwj to keep the rabbits#wwx also tends to give lwj the words he has trouble saying himself. helps him communicate#wwx also protects lwj in fights a lot but thats narratively less important#except the various times wwx puts himself in danger to help lwj. those times are what made it so lwj could never move on from wwx#like with the cave incident#or when wwx helped surpress the arm instead of using the chaos to escape cloud recesses#tldr i guess: i think this fandom tends to treat lwj being the best like its natural to him when really wwx accidentaly rewired his brain#I'm looking directly at fanfic writers who act like the Lans would've treated wwx better than the Jiangs#lwj had to do so much work and self reflection post meeting wwx to be the way he is. he is not the sole product of the Lan teachings
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like the thing is people are dying from abortion bans and dying from FDA deregulation and everyone just looks at each other and goes āhmm my gas prices are too highā
#us politics#us elections#itās so frustrating but thereās nothing i can do#all he ran on was transphobia and mass deportation#did dems fuck up? yes#not throwing biden out sooner shutting down walz and letting kamala be biden 2.0#and thatās just the pure campaign aesthetics of it not even talking policies#but for 4 years trump has spewed nothing but hate in this country#nothing!#he did a rally and called minorities every name under the sun#and you still showed up?#why?#cause groceries were cheaper#and like i get it too like damn shits expensive canāt find a job anywhere#but people are dying!!! and theyāre going to make more people die#and this ignorant assumption that republicans are better at economy like 2008 wasnāt bush#or that trump didnāt ride obamaās coattails#iām talking to a wall cause this is tumblr but whatever#man whatever š#and dems just suck and i hate them but trump sucks too like guys š i hate that man!#ā¦who wants to take one for the team
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If I see one more take about Orym being "secretive" in taking the sword, I swear I might start screaming. The dude walked up to Chet in front of everyone, asked for access to the Bag of Holding, took the sword out (in front of everyone) and left with it. Then he came back with the sword strapped to his back... IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. There was ample time for someone to speak up if they wanted to and Orym, quite frankly, didn't have reason to expect it would be an issue. Laudna may have used the lack of discussion as part of her cycle of justifications for her actions, but that doesn't mean it was 1) the main issue she was actually dealing with or 2) an unsolvable problem that required a rash response even if that had been Laudna's primary issue.
#several of the players including marisha point out they notice orym taking the blade#laudna comments on orym leaving with the sword; he wasn't making a big deal out of it but he wasn't trying to be sneaky#having a private moment with the sword wielded by the person who blew up his life doesn't negate this COME ON#let the man take some time for himself without being weird about it i BEG#(I am entirely calling out the fandom on this; Marisha is a treasure and the way Laudna frustrates me is a testament to her rp skills)#orym#critical role#cr3#cr spoilers#c3e95#PS: I donāt care if you disagree and I can and will block anyone who irritates me#because some of you are fucking weirdos when it comes to orym and you can go bother someone else
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A frustrating development with the growing lack of reading comprehension I've personally noticed is an emerging fervor of insisting things aren't canon unless they are explicitly stated beyond all reasonable doubt.
I can not emphasize enough how harmful a mindset this is to have. Yes, it's wonderful to have characters outright say "I'm trans," but to deny a character's identity for not saying that is dangerous.
Plenty of real people prefer not to use specific labels. Historically, people didn't have our modern terms or modes of expression. Many modern cultures don't use these terms, either, and plenty of people within those that do can't safely openly identify.
If the only representation you accept as canon is within modern (and let's be honest, wealthy white able-bodied American) standards, then you are denying yourself and others a huge amount of representation and seriously limiting the media around you.
#remembering how people were like hmm its not actually canon that Steve is trans and adam is nonbinary...#steve doesnt fucking know what 'trans' is hes an unhoused time traveling cowboy like!!!#after an arc. about werewolves. and how people become werewolves because theyre unhappy with their lives.#especially specifically regarding their body/gender#and how adam explicitly says 'your family never saw you as a man'#AND THEN FOLLOWS IT UP. with referring to Steve as 'the man who chose'#like for fucks sake#you are being deliberately and willfully ignorant if you say its not canon.#your ideas of transness are extremely extremely limited if it doesnt include people who dont use the word.#god. ugh. ive been annoyed by this since that episode came out#dont even get me started on how people barely noticed adam is nonbinary.mm#they said they dont wanna be called a boyfriend. come on!!! come on!!!!#how can i make it clearer without them saying shit they woildnt say and have no context for!!!!#scream.#anyways.#delete later lol im just frustrated again.#im not even sure i worded this how i wanted to
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Jason @ Dick after the fucker conveniently didn't tell him Bruce actually DID want to and TRIED to kill the clown but he had political immunity due to being the ambassador of Iran and Clark stopped him to avoid a war:
#Jason almost committed patricide on the man who took him in#loved him as a son#gave him a home#and gives him chance after chance after ch#like how fucking. FRUSTRATING.#what the FUCK richard????#jason todd#memes#dc#dc comics#text#'oh but dick killed the joker for jay tho!!' yeah what do you want me to do give him a cookie??#thats normal big brother behavior!!! didnt he feel so bad afterwards he pleaded with bruce to revive him lmao#BAD. SHAME.
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"Blah blah blah Laerryn's only record in history ever is from Ludinus blah blah blah how tragic blah blah blah history forgot her blah blah blah"
I'M SORRY EXCUSE ME YOU THINK LOQUATIUS SEELIE DID JUST ONE RECORDING TALKING ABOUT LAERRYN??? YOU THINK IT'S JUST THOSE LAST ONES IN HIS LAST 12H OF LIFE???
YOU'LL TRY AND CONVINCE ME HE DIDN'T LEAVE A TRAIL ACROSS EXANDRIA OF HIS LOVE FOR THIS WOMAN!?
YOU THINK NOT EVEN ONE EXANDRIAN HISTORIAN FOUND HIS YEARS OF REPORTING HE DID ACROSS THE PLANET AND YOU THINK NOT ONCE HE MENTIONED THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD HIS IMMEASURABLY BRILLIANT WIFE
LAERRYN WANTED TO BE REMEMBERED AND DAMN IF QUAY DIDN'T MAKE SURE OF THAT
#cr spoilers#loquaerryn#laerryn coramar seelie#loquatius seelie#I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT#We knew them for 24h and he spent it with his thoughts wrapped around her#and that was divorced and frustrated at each other and the circumstances#can you imagine that man at the high of his passion#he would've mentioned and praised and shown off this woman at every fucking opportunity#when someone as bright as Loquatius loves u. one cannot remain in shadow#i have so many feelings about this changeling#exu calamity
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SVSSS is a novel with a fandom.
[ID: A Scum Villain edit of the "missing the point" meme. A bullet arcs from velinxi art of child Shen Jiu kneeling while furiously glaring. The bullet says, "People are not entirely one thing or the other and holding them to these extremes ignores the complexities that come with their humanity." It arcs over the head of a person across from it, who ignores the bullet and exclaims: "Wow!! Shen Jiu's only crime was being mean and was wrongly hated!" End ID]
#i have so many thoughts about him but he is SO mischaracterized in a lot of fics#like just 'he would not fucking say that' on repeat#because shen jiu's entire thing is that he was CANONICALLY a terrible person#yes his backstory was sad but that doesn't make him Suddenly Good#shen qingqiu is an incredibly complex character but can y'all not pretend that his only flaw is being mean#like shen jiu failed original luo binghe in every way#as his caretaker as an adult in his life on EVERY level#'the tea had healing medicine in it!!' no it did not#shen jiu poured boiling hot tea on a child as a grown man because he was jealous. of said child.#like the entire POINT of his secret backstory was to showcase his complexity!!#and to see so much fandom stuff that's just Shen Yuan in the Opposite Direction is Hm#like he's fun to analyze but let's not pretend that he wasn't a terrible fucking person#while I'm ranting shen jiu would not casually talk about his trauma either#shen jiu's entire thing WAS appearances and even post character arc i think he'd struggle to open up to others#so like NOOOO he would not just tell someone something terrible that happened to him in his past#he'd rather die#okay rant over but this phenomenon is just SO frustrating to me#svsss#shen jiu#scum villian's self saving system#original shen qingqiu
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Man why are people on the internet such fucking dickheads. Learnt that my favourite analog horror [The Man in the Suit]'s creator Unknowingly has been bullied to the point he's taking a long break and might never continue the series and it's like. Like how the fuck are you going to bully a LITERAL KID over a analog horror they've made??? Not only is that morally fucked up but the series itself is good. This kid's art has unsettled me far deeply than any other analog horror simply due to its lore, its implications and constant feeling of dread due to The Man in the Suit's presence and just. How he is. For example: Rare Newspaper (1964)Ā was probably the most freaky one to me but I can't put my finger on it. Idk what it was but the idea of a kid seeing a human-sized Godzilla in the road and it being so unsettling that they say "The thing I saw outside wasn't Godzilla. I think it was some man in a suit" implies a whole new level of body horror that a CHILD can identify it as unnatural. Idk I just thought it was cool and unsettling and neat and it pisses me off people think the series is so shit they should threaten and torment the LITERAL MINOR WHO MADE IT. Fucks sake
#analog horror#the man in the suit#godzilla analog horror#sorry I normally don't vent my frustrations at situations [if I did I would be known as the Dondi Hater]#but yeah#fucks sake
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naw whos the crusty ass bitch who thinks its cute to take my ocs cause what is this
#''dergu zerghed'' thats the sound youll make after i hit u over the head with a mf frying pan#jk i just fukkin reported it man im so tired#even moreso they did enough digging to find the one where i threw freckles on him for an obscure ask like biiitch?????#got a comment on twitter abt how someone loved this character on spicychat and found more art of him and i immediately was out for blood#idc abt the cod fanart being thown all over every website i knew what i was getting into with that shit but my ocs#?#you take my oc my heart n soul ive been building for 10+ years slap some dumbfuck name on him and feed him thru a Fucking AI machine#thats whats rlly boiling my blood tbh fukkin selfish behavior#i went to investigate and i was on a waitlist for it im gunna kmssssss#i am once again plagued with the frustration of the major disconnect of people going 'oh yeah ai bad >:(''#yet falling for every single ai trap there is like some stupidass koala#now my character done been sacrificed to The Machine bc mfs too goddamn lazy to make real friends to rp with#aight the ugly bitch is tryin to take the wheel i gotta stfu
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I've only read the first volume of Dungeon Meshi but I'm convinced Laios and Marcille are both autistic but two EXTREMELY different flavors of autism, so much so it enables autistic PVP (one sided, Laios is unaware, possibly due to the autism)
#dungeon meshi#LIKE. WITH LAIOS it feels like a v obvious conclusion to come to hc wise but marcille.......#i vaguely know there's some stuff going on where i can guess at a few things (absorbed through osmosis) (as little spoilers as possible)#but to me she is so tryhard autism coded. getting frustrated w herself when she's slower/can't keep up w her peers/friends#physically limited. feeling the need to prove herself/scared of weighing down her allies. needs to do things 'by the books'.#stubborn streak. can accidentally say offensive things due to bluntness/overcompensation becoming an ego#she's even a picky eater.#meanwhile laios said 'hyperfixating isn't enough i need to eat it' and he fucking meant it.#honestly you could probably make an argument for any of them (main cast) being autistic. as with an hcs in general LMFAO#so much love for senshi as well. epitome of being an older dude w a niche interest and seeing an autistic young man#and going 'yeah okay. i can take you under my wing.'#all of this is so real and HAS happened to me (even being plucked up by an old man who noticed my aimless demeanor and put me to work)
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one thing I have to keep reremembering every time I'm playing a soulslike/similar kind of difficult game -- and that I wish I could internalize elsewhere in my life as well -- is that you always, always have to suffer through the long dark of an inexplicable failcringe era before you can emerge into a fresh new dawn of competence. faceplanting into humiliating failure in ways you hadn't even conceived of before on a loop can sometimes be the herald of great and wondrous things to come soon. don't be so quick to abandon yourself in the early murk of daybreak because you think you just suck!!!
#returnal out here reminding me of the great truths yet again#I am crying and screaming my way through the fractured wastes. I may have relinquished all dignity. but I am making progress#returnal#tbf I do find the grind weirdly comforting. this game is Doing something with the strange paradoxical comfort of misery#and it's doing it very well. fills the same 'knocking your head against a wall for the pleasure of it' depression niche#as farming for souls in formsoft games haha. we must imagine the bearer of the curse happy#it's the same thing I'm doing in real life but at least in games you get to see tangible progress within ten hours. not so in life I fear#the only part of the game I haven't loved so far is the nemesis boss fight but that kind of checks out considering what sorts of bosses#I normally struggle with. I love a dance partner boss I hate a 'so much is going on all the time all over the place what the fuck' boss#I could fight malenia for hours but when you fill my screen with noise I am frustrated and defeated lol#fight me man on man you COWARD!!!#thank god the game doesn't force you to replay bosses after you beat them the first time (though the others were kind of fun so)
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