#from the depths (main verse)

[kaibutsunoo]

Godzilla's most beautiful feature is his ear canal.

Ah yes. His.... ear... canal.

[sweetearthandnorthernsky]

29, 55, 84? :D

29. Stars, 55. Silence, 84. Shout

So! Spoilers for Chapter 14 of Minas Morgul and also it's. really long so it's going under a cut lmao.

Barad Curon shines in the starlight, and Saelinriel gazes up at it – melancholy aching in her chest. Even taken and corrupted by the Enemy, it’s still beautiful.

Karazgar’s mask is heavy in her hand, and she passes it to Morinel, who nods, slipping it onto her face.

“This ends tonight,” Saelinriel says, and pushes open the doors.

Morinel plays her part well, shepherding her and Culang before Gothmog - as Idhrin creeps through the shadows to hide behind a pillar, and 'flees' and shuts the doors with a bang that echoes up to the throne room.

Saelinriel squares her shoulders as Gothmog laughs once while he comes down the stairs of the dais, appearing from the shadows with unnecessary flare and dramatics that she's come to expect from him.

“I did not expect you to be so bold!” 

He wears the guise of Mordirith here and a laugh, born of an emotion she doesn’t know the name of, bubbles into her throat.

“Then you do not know me as well as I thought you did. A pity, considering how long we've known each other.”

Gothmog's illusions are stronger somehow than they once were, and it takes every ounce of strength she has, even with Culang's help. 

Saelinriel thinks it might be over when Gothmog crumples to the ground, but his body melts and he climbs down from the dais again – blue flame on his pauldrons –  laughing as he raises his hands. 

Then, he brings them down with a percussive movement, and fire leaps up from spots in the tiled floor.  

Saelinriel only just has time to pull Culang away from a geyser of flame, when they have to move again, and again. She’s getting dizzy by now, and she doesn’t want to think about what would happen if either of them falters. 

Lightning arcs from the wings, and she feels a wave of relief wash over her. Morinel has returned, just in time -- Saelinriel and Culang are tiring, and she doesn't know how much longer they could've managed. 

On that signal, Idhrin looses arrow after arrow, but they bounce off the wraith’s iron crown. He turns and the next arrow catches him in the shoulder. 

“Who have you brought to their deaths this time, Saelinriel?” Gothmog snarls. “Did I not say come into the light?” 

Fire bursts from the wings, and a horrible thud makes her heart leap into her throat.

Culang whispers that they must find a way to weaken him somehow, and for a moment she wonders how then she remembers. 

“You have not won,” Saelinriel says, through gritted teeth. 

Isildur and Anarion and Elendil's memory and legacy are a double edged sword, and she uses it like one.

Her own blade glitters like starlight in the dim throne room, and she feels the words and the courage coming to her and strengthening her heart. 

Gothmog growls, and she continues, holding Narmeleth's and Golodir's triumphs over his head, and he throws a pillar of flame at her. 

She dodges. 

Another pillar of flame lashes up from the ground, and it almost knocks her off balance, but Culang keeps her from falling into it.

Gothmog's anger fills the room like thunder and the flames cease as he storms down the steps and he brings his sword down on hers, hard.  “Your words are empty!” 

She blocks it, and goes for her own strike. 

It is just like dancing, she thinks, a little hysterically. Only with several partners instead of one, and any misstep might be their last. “Elendil faced the greatest evil of the Age, and he didn’t cower beneath it. He didn’t betray his kingdom or his people–” 

Her limbs grow heavier and heavier with each moment but she channels everything she has into her sword. 

“The White Tree flowers in the Court of Kings – Gondor flourishes once more.”

“Those victories mean nothing to me,” He shouts, bringing his sword in a wide arc toward your head. 

She sidesteps the blow and it glances off her shield instead – the blossoming white tree on a black field. 

There's a quarter of a second where Gothmog freezes and arrows come flying out of the darkness to catch his shoulder. 

Idhrin has braced herself against a pillar, and blood drips down from above her eyebrows and her silver hair is darkened with blood. 

Gothmog hisses and begins to close the distance between them and Saelinriel tries to step between but he swats her aside like a fly and she goes flying and lands with her back on the hard tile. 

It’s suddenly impossible to breathe and she lays there, gasping and the whole time she's shouting at herself to get up–

Finally, as lightning streaks through the air again, she does, sheathing her sword and pulling her spear from her back.

Idhrin shoots an arrow that finds its way into the darkness of Gothmog's hood. He staggers backward, bringing a hand up to his unseen face. 

Saelinriel doesn't know what comes over her but she tightens her hold on her shield, adjusts her grip on her spear and takes a breath. 

Then, she runs.

Her shield slams into Gothmog's chest with more force than she thought possible, and he staggers again, snarling and seeming disoriented.   

The elven-steel of her spear gleams in the half-light and she channels every ounce of her strength into jamming it into the space just between his chestplate and his hip armor as hard as she can. 

He lets out an agonizing cry and falls to the ground with a mighty crash.  His sword slips from his hand, and she kicks it away from him, toward Culang.  

Morinel comes from the shadows, and rushes toward where Idhrin slumped to the ground moments prior.   Saelinriel stands breathing heavily, looking down at a now wounded Gothmog who clutches his abdomen. 

Words shatter the uneasy silence.

“I sense the presence of my bones, Saelinriel! They are nearby!”

She almost screams but calms herself as Isildur's shade materializes beside Saelinriel, and there is an urgency in his voice that in some way surprises her. “I can see the chamber where my bones must lie, for the Oath-stone stands there too, 'neath the beacon!”

She sighs, slinging her spear over her shoulder and begins the climb to the beacon tower.

“This is not the Minas Ithil it was from my own days,” Isildur says, his voice echoing strangely off the empty walls once they make it to the beacon-stone that cuts through the mist that shrouds the city. 

Saelinriel bites back a sarcastic reply then frowns.

 “What was it like back then?” She asks, as she looks through the nooks and crannies of the room, because there are precious few that she can ask. 

Gothmog is not an option, and Faramir son of Ondoher might be able to tell her but she knows not where he wanders now. But Isildur stands before her, and he’s answered her many questions before.

“It was a beautiful place,” he says slowly then stops.  She doesn’t press him, and after a while he speaks again.

“The moon cast silver light throughout the courtyards and streets, and reflected off the marble walls, so that it seemed to shine. It held great houses of lore salvaged from the wreck of Numenor…” 

He sighs wistfully and then he tells her of the gardens of the Circle of Wisdom, and the melodies and plays from the Lindalire, and it hurts that she can match each location with the twisted parody.

“I am sorry,” she says numbly, after a while, and they sink into an contemplative silence.

Finally, she finds a silver tarnished casket that is not so large, but something ghosts over Isildur's face when he looks at the dust with in and he remains silent as she walks down back to the throne room.

“I swore to bring Sauron's Ring to Rivendell, and though that weapon came in the end to that valley, I did not. But now…” Isildur says finally, solemnly, "The casket of dust gives me hope. Bring me earthly remains to Rivendell and I shall at last know peace.'

Gothmog laughs weakly, despite his wounds. "Peace? What peace does this shade think to find? What peace does he deserve? I remember the tales of Elendil, and of Isildur and Anárion. We were told they were great men, valiant warriors from an age of heroes.”

“And I was told tales of the same sort about Eärnur too,” Saelinriel says viciously, months of anger and hurt that she thought she’d handled bubbling up from her core. They are cruel, maybe needlessly so, but she doesn’t care. “Sometimes our heroes disappoint us.”

Gothmog takes no heed of her words and continues to rail before finally trailing off into silence. 

Culang calls out that someone is approaching the throne room from the outside. Morinel looks up, hands freezing as she pauses in bandaging Idhrin's head.

A few moments pass and then--

The doors bang open and part of her is thrilled to see Annoth alive but – he is carrying himself far too stiffly, and there is a wild look in his eyes – something is wrong.

Saelinriel nearly drops her shield as Ugrukhôr storms into the throne room, looming over Annoth. He stands nearly as tall as Gothmog and towers head and shoulders over her. There are four orcs with him as well, though they don’t scare her.

When Saelinriel doesn't provide an adequate enough answer as to the location of Karazgar, Ugrukhôr roughly shoves Annoth to the side, and he crumples against the floor. 

He pushes past her and Culang, shoving them out of the way, and he sees Idhrin and Morinel where she is still using her runes to try and fix the damage done by Gothmog. “It may cost you your life, or the lives of more friends. Is that what you want?”

Her heart lurches as she opens her mouth to say no, but Ugrukhôr is faster, and he sends her – accompanied by an Uruk – to the top of the tower to search for Karazgar.

The last thing she see before she no longer can is that the others are surrounded by two guards apiece below. The thought hits her like an anchor being sunk into her chest: all of them are hostages against each others’ good behavior.

“Is that really Gothmog?” Lûrkh says, as they pass the fallen wraith. "He looks dead to me. How about that?”

They go up the endless set of stairs to the Beacon-room before finally reaching the top.

“I don't see any sign of Karazgar. Maybe he's gone.” Lûrkh looks at her sidelong, and blood rushes in her ears, and she prays that he has not figured out her ruse yet. “Or maybe he never came up here?”

Thankfully, he is quickly distracted by the broken Oathstone, and orders her to clear the room out of any merrevail that lingered in the shadowed corners of the room. 

She does, quickly and quietly as she can, and he is still pondering if some valuable piece of it might be chipped away and kept as treasure.

Any noise from the throne room is nothing more than a vague rumble and Saelinriel takes her chance.  Lûrkh is too surprised to offer much resistance, and he falls to the ground.

No one comes running up after her guard falls and she sneaks back down as quietly as she can.

She can’t see Idhrin but Morinel’s hands and ankles are bound, and she is pale and unmoving and there is no orc guarding her. 

A thrill of fear races through Saelinriel’s veins. What did Ugrukhôr do to her?

Culang catches her eye as she creeps closer to crouch low behind the giant pillar on each side of the throne’s dias.

She unsheathes her sword as quietly as possible and he nods. 

“Now, Saelinriel!”  

By the time Saelinriel makes it down the dias, Culang manages the two on either side of him, but there is a third behind and Ugrukhôr is too near him and he hits the ground hard. She manages the third guard, along with the one next to Idhrin.

“So that is the way of it, then?” Ugrukhôr asks as he goes to stand in the center of the throne room.  “Come, Saelinriel. Can we not settle this as equals?”

Ugrukhôr’s treatment of Annoth and of the Thandrim before him throws doubt on any promises he might make, even if she was inclined to believe him to begin with. 

But she's the only one standing between him and her friends, and she will not allow him easy access to them when she can do something about it.

So, she climbs slowly down the steps of the dias, head held high. She passes Culang, who is curled around himself, and she sees Morinel’s rune satchel flung across the room, and Idhrin is hiding his face, and Saelinriel can’t tell whether she lives still or not.

“You are alone, Saelinriel.” Ugrukhôr says as if he relishes this fact. “You came to this tower with allies, but they have abandoned you. Your Rangers may find success in the woods, but in towers of stone they die the same as any others. They cannot save you.”

She raises her head higher.

“The Thandrim crossed me, long ago, and they are all dead. The only man who remembered them will have no vengeance. I gave him death instead, and none now will wield his sad sword or bear his broken shield.”

He draws his swords with a flourish as if daring her to come up against him and, despite herself, her grip on her own sword falters.

“Saelinriel!” He bellows. “Do you dare test your will against Ugrukhôr, the Captain of the Pit? Did I say we were equal? I see now I was wrong! You are no equal of mine, for I am Gúrzyul... and I am your ending!”

She raises her shield to cover her torso and plants her feet as he comes to charge toward her.

“Prepare to join your friends in death, Saelinriel!” He sweeps his sword into her shield hard and the impact sends her scrambling backward but other than being a little dazed, she's fine.

She follows the rhythm of the fight: thrust, block, parry, and everything else fades to the background.

“The Thandrim sought mercy. They were fools. You will have no mercy from me,” he says as he brings his sword in a wide arc toward her head. 

“As if I would seek mercy from you,” Saelinriel says, as she steps to the side and raises her shield a little higher. The blow glances off her shield instead. She aims for a blow at his torso, but he deflects it, sending her backward.

He stalks forward and she doesn't manage to completely block the blow, and stumbles, nearly going to her knees.  

Instead, Saelinriel reaches for her horn, and the sound echoes off the walls and pillars, a challenge that rings and bellows, like the shout of many voices beneath the high vaulted roof, that stuns Ugrukhôr for a few moments.

Those few seconds are more precious than gold because they allow her to bring herself to her feet, regroup, and use her sword to cut a deep gash on the inside of his upper arm.

He turns – far, far faster than he should be able to for his size – and raises his sword high over his head and Saelinriel only just manages to put her shield between herself and the blow.

Her arm breaks from the force behind the blow as it pushes her down and it is all Saelinriel can do to not scream. 

Between pain-sharpened heartbeats she watches as he pauses and looks down, examining the gash on his arm that drips dark blood onto the polished floors.

“You have drawn blood, Saelinriel,” Ugrukhôr says mildly, “For that you have my respect.”

She looks up in an attempt at defiance, though she's certain the pain must show on her face and she struggles to bring herself to her feet, but it is nearly impossible as he advances on her, laughing.

There is nothing else for her to do but raise her shield again despite the pain. 

Ugrukhôr, for all he has said of hating Gothmog, pays no heed to where he lay still on the ground.

She peers up at him from the rim of her shield.

Saelinriel can only just see his head, all the rest of him is blocked by the – somehow unbroken – metal of her shield.

She hears someone picking up their sword, and for a moment she thinks it is Culang but he can barely stand and she’s forced to conclude whoever it is, they are no friend of hers.

When Gothmog comes into her sight, something heavy sinks into her chest.

What was it she’d told Corunir before they came into this cursed place when he asked her about her plan for dealing with Gothmog?  

One of us will not leave that tower.

It seems that she will not be the one leaving. She tries to steady her breathing but then– 

“At last you will know death, Ugrukhôr!”

Before she has the time to register what is happening, Gothmog drives his sword deep into Ugrukhôr’s back, and he slowly begins to tip forward.  

She only just has time to stumble out of the way (making the pain in her arm a hundred times worse) before Ugrukhôr falls face first into the ground with a resounding thud.

She's not sure what just happened, but Gothmog falters too, dropping the sword to the ground. 

Upon inspection, it’s not Gothmog’s sword at all, but Annoth’s. 

So the Captain of the Pit is undone by the sword of Annoth, wielded by Gothmog, and now both Gothmog and Ugrukhôr are undone, Saelinriel thinks to herself as she manages to unbuckle her shield to cradle her arm the best she can.

Then she goes to check on her friends.

Isildur reappears, hovering over his bones but he is stony-faced and silent.

Morinel is responsive and Saelinriel brings her the rune satchel before using the dagger strapped to her boot to slice through her bonds, before they go to kneel beside Idhrin.

She seems fine enough, all things considered, and Morinel goes about picking up from earlier with her runes as if she hadn’t just been tied to a pillar and unconscious.

"I am all right…” Culang says with a cough, when she comes to stand over him, as he uncurls and brings himself, unsteadily, to his feet.

“Are you certain?” Saelinriel asks, and he nods. 

He looks to where Annoth fell, and sighs. 

“He has achieved the vengeance he sought, though it arrived not in the manner he sought. Let him rest now, and may the Thandrim for whom he grieved find peace with the death of Ugrukhôr.”

Culang’s words echo her own thoughts, and she desperately wishes for the peace of the Thandrim – wherever they are. 

He sees Gothmog and Ugrukhôr and shakes his head.  “Is that not the nature of evil? Treacherous even to its own. None shall mourn for either of the slain.”

Death has come to Barad Cúron and claimed two of the masters of Mordor. How many countless others have perished in this throne room over the years? Saelinriel wonders to herself, turning away from them.

“By the waters of Nenuial!” Culang says suddenly, and she turns to face him – and the pain in her wrist spikes. “Gothmog clings to life. He tries to speak, Saelinriel and we should listen. Is it not said that dying men rarely speak falsely with their last breath?”

“Men maybe. A man he is no more,” Saelinriel mutters, but goes to stand above Gothmog anyways. 

It takes him a while to begin speaking again.  

 “Mordor should have been ... should have been mine. No one endured... what I have endured. A curse on them all... but I levy my worst upon Isildur who could have prevented it and did not! He calls me coward? He knows nothing of the torments that made me! From that crucible of evil I was born anew, the greatest creation of Angmar! I was to usher in a new age!”

The fire in Gothmog's eyes flickers and burns low and he looks up at her, and he looks particularly pitiful.

“Why could I not, Saelinriel?” He sounds so broken, so far from the imposing wraith she’s known through the past year, who haunted her nightmares and killed and tortured so many of her friends. 

“There were so many chances, but... the Ranger and the Elf-maid…”

Gothmog stares at the floor, his life's essence departing. 

“Narmeleth,” He says her name quietly. "I think Narmeleth knew the same torments as I. How could she fight... longer than...?”

He falls silent, and it seems as if he will speak no more.  As Saelinriel is about to turn and leave, he reaches out to her and grabs onto the hem of her tunic near the hem at her knees, a trinket held in his clenched fist.

“Listen to me, Saelinriel,” He says urgently, tugging at the fabric.  

She should have stepped back and yanked it out of his hands – there is barely any strength to his grip anymore – but there is something that stops her as if she’s bound to that spot. Saelinriel doesn't know what it is, but she thinks pity might be the closest thing to it, though she doesn't want to admit to it.

“There was a Morgul-slave who knew the secrets of this place. At my Master's command... he forged a key. ‘Only this weapon cannot be overcome,’ the dwarf said to me. I spent the time I could... seeking it... but it eluded me.” 

The fires in his eyes burn lower than before and suddenly she knows that he is dying, for good.

“I give it to you, Saelinriel.” He looks up at her, desperately. “If Mordor cannot be mine... let it be no one's! Find the weapon and use it... against all who seek to master the realm that was denied me!” 

Gothmog presses a broken key into her hand.

Then, he dies at last.

There is still, stunned silence in which none of them speak or move for  a long, long while.

“Even with his last breath he raged against Gondor, and shamed his people!”  Isildur stares down at Gothmog’s corpse with a look of disgust on his face, throwing soft blue light over the ancient walls.  He floats away from Gothmog and comes to her, with something somber behind his eyes. 

“He should have resisted Saelinriel, and died as Eärnur. My brother Anárion would have fought the torments of the Lord of the Nazgûl, and embraced death rather than succumb to such evil. So too would I. But instead, he became a tool for evil, and he died as Gothmog.” Isildur’s eyes flash.  “Let him rot where he lies.” 

He floats over to the wrought silver casket once more. “I do not want my bones to remain here any longer.”

Saelinriel nods as she sinks to sit on the steps, cradling her wrist. 

Eventually Morinel finishes with Idhrin and comes to splint her arm, temporarily, and the four (is it five, if they count Isildur’s bones?) of them stumble back to Barad Arthir. 

[usagimen]

         Shouldn’t it feel nostalgic? To return towards a place she once knew as the only beacon of freedom. Instead, the sensation is that of a trespasser, the wraith that now comes to life, presumed long gone - burning in visible sunlight. A tilt of her head as she exhales a heavy sigh, “Ugh, I hate these types of events they always turn into a competition but not the fun sort” bound fingers that clasp the bridge of her nose, she winces, everything is too noisy in the metropolitan. “Hm, did Gojo-san explain the conditions of this year's gathering? I just received notification recently, looks like I’m helping with the weaponry - that shouldn’t be a problem most of the curses students pursue during these games are pretty average” her noise wrinkles, barely a smirk as her voice taunts. “Let me guess, you’re left in the dark just like me, huh? Rumor has it in Kyoto many bet upon the conjunction of both schools to see the newest sorcerers from who will stand victorious - I’m just curious how it will all play out” 

// @fatewoven (Nanami // s.c.)

[pantherpersona]

Hello everyone and thank you so much for following! I apprecriate all of the follows and love I've felt seeing this little impulse blog take off. I am here tonight, home from my job and taking care of my other blog. Down below is your tag drop and I'll get some memes re-blogged and casually hang out here tonight.

[transbookoftheday]

Trans Horror Podcasts

My post about trans horror books last year was much more popular than I expected, and since I've recently fallen in love with fiction podcasts and audio dramas, I thought I'd make a post about trans horror podcasts as well.

If you like trans horror, please give these a try - especially if you enjoy listening to audiobooks!

Hello From The Hallowoods:

Come walk between the black pines! In this award-winning queer fiction podcast, an eldritch narrator follows the increasingly connected residents of the forest at the end of the world. It's a bittersweet story that explores queer identity, horror genre tropes, and finding hope in humanity's last moments.

Hello From The Hallowoods is my absolute favorite podcast! If you only listen to one podcast from this list, please make it this one - it's so beautifully written and super queer! Also: season 4 starts today!

Trans main characters include:

our nonbinary eye-affiliated podcast host

a nonbinary "Frankenstein's creature"

a transmasc ghost

a genderfluid storm witch

a trans woman who can visit other people's dreams

multiple characters using neopronouns

Camp Here & There:

Good morning, campers! Camp Here & There is a weekly horror comedy podcast tuned in to the loudspeakers of a small midwestern sleepaway camp plagued by supernatural terrors and natural disasters. Sydney Sargent, resident camp nurse, cheerfully reports on all the terror we must face with a big smile. Let’s hope there’s nothing weird about that!

Sydney is a trans man.

Dos: After You:

Things have changed. Deck has fallen in love with someone who isn't human, and leaves a hungry house behind to see him again. Will he be waiting for you? The world has changed… but what about him? Dos: After You is a queer urban fantasy/horror audiodrama available in both English & Spanish

Deck is a trans man.

Jar of Rebuke:

Follow Dr. Jared Hel's journey as he works to re-discover his forgotten past and finds his place within the small Indiana farm town of Wichton and the cryptozoological organization he works for called 'The Enclosure'. These audio journals, and other recordings, dive deep into Midwestern US cryptids and folklore while also telling a mystery about identity, queerness, neurodivergence, and community.

Jared is nonbinary.

Spirit Box Radio:

Spirit Box Radio is an award winning, horror audio drama podcast about a radio show for enthusiasts of all things arcane. Follow Sam Enfield a former postboy with no experience in the arcane arts, who finds themselves forced to take over running the show, following the disappearance of the previous host. Sam soon discovers there are more than ghosts haunting the show, and finds himself amidst a mystery which threatens everything he knows about the world beyond his tiny basement broadcast studio, and maybe even himself.

Sam is a trans man.

The Silt Verses:

Carpenter and Faulkner, two worshippers of an outlawed god, travel up the length of their deity’s great black river, searching for holy revelations amongst the reeds and the wetlands. As their pilgrimage lengthens and the river’s mysteries deepen, the two acolytes find themselves under threat from a police manhunt, but also come into conflict with the weirder gods that have flourished in these forgotten rural territories. This is a world where divine intervention takes place through prayer-markings scratched into stumping-posts, and offerings are left squirming to die in the flats of the delta. This is a world of ritual, and hidden language, and sacrifice. This is folk horror, and fantasy, and a dark road trip into the depths of unusual faith.

Faulkner is a trans man.

The Magnus Protocol:

The Magnus Archives 2: The Magnus Protocol is the prequel/sequel/”sidequel” to the internationally renowned Magnus Archives podcast. The Magnus Institute was an organisation dedicated to academic research into the esoteric and the paranormal, based out of Manchester, England. It burned to the ground in 1999. There were no survivors. Now, almost 25 years later, Alice and Sam, a pair of low-level civil service workers at the underfunded Office of Incident Assessment and Response, have stumbled across its legacy. A legacy that will put them in grave danger. If this intrigues you then it is our pleasure to welcome you to the Office of Incident, Assessment and Response. Make sure you pick up your badge at desk and report to your line manager before sitting down. Oh and stay away from I.T., seriously.

I'm not sure if Alice is canonically trans, but her voice actress is a trans woman.

[boundlesswanderers]

@solidifaith​  // cont. from here 

❝ How flattering. ❞, it will be, as soon as the neighboring god explains himself, Zhongli thinks, with a dry, rather skeptical hum, over pursed lips. ❝ Are you making fun of me? ❞

He wonders, then can't help but voice it out loud ( mostly unimpressed ) after the stretch of a full second, where the questioning look in amber eyes begins to fade. If only to make room for another expression. Which clearly says, have you no shame? ❝ ..It's pretty uncreative, and a poor way to greet an old friend, if I may say so. ❞

Nevertheless, ❝ I keep it, of course. ❞

Zhongli didn’t exactly look happy about the ‘present’ he just got, but at the same time Venti knew all to well that his old friend rarely showed that much emotions on his face anyways, so maybe he was happy about it, but wasn’t aware about it himself? 

A huge grin appeared on his face, while he was shaking his head. “I’d never make fun of you.” he replied eventually. Not exactly true, but close enough. He certainly wasn’t doing it on purpose. At least most of the time. 

There was something else in the others eyes, in his expression, that soon enough lead for the grin to disappear from his face again as soon as it had appeared there. “

Why is it a poor way to greet you, when I actually miss you so much that I see you in tiny, cute rocks like that.”

And there it was. the words that brought the smile back on his face. Of course he would keep it. They were friends after all. 

[rwrbficrecs]

We’ll Invite Something In by @smc-27 (book-verse)

@dot524: This is a fandom favorite and for good reason. In this canon divergence AU, Alex is President, Henry is out, and they never got together in their 20s. Instead, they encounter each other in their late 30s and a very different type of relationship ensues. They still hide it at first, but there’s a lot of living that they both have done and need to work through. I really enjoyed the character dynamics here and how the premise changed both Alex and Henry, making them bolder and more mature. Definitely read this one!

Eyes Blue, Like the Atlantic by bleedingballroomfloor (book-verse)

@dot524: A Titanic AU! Adapted by an excellent writer, this one has suspense, action, romance, and intrigue. There is a MCD (Main Character Death) in here and some other tags to be aware of, but also vibrant scenes with dancing, chasing, art, and formal wear. I really enjoyed it!

Clean Slate by @smc-27 (book-verse)

@heysweetheart-writes: This was just so excellent. I devoured it in no time, couldn't put it down. I love the way Alex just slips into Henry's life like a silk glove even though Henry has his hesitations. There's abslutely no angst at all other than "you're too young for me" "no, next question" I love it. I love Henry finally feeling young for the first time. I think that is something that Henry generally feels after meeting Alex, like he's never been able to, no matter at what point in life he is. ANYWAY I'm talking about Henry way too much again for a rec. Read this.

Most People Exist by @sprigsofviolets (book-verse)

@na-dineee: Henry, 30, is a nurse on a cancer ward. From the very first moment he feels an intense connection and attraction to his newest patient, the one who has a brain tumor and is named Alexander Claremont-Diaz. - The tags say it all: "Falling in love, Slow Burn, Angst with a happy ending, Hurt/Comfort". After reading this story I am a whole new person. I laughed and cried, had butterflies in my stomach, I felt it all. Hands down one of the best fics I've ever read!

after hours by @dumbpeachjuice (book-verse)

@na-dineee: How much can happen in a few hours? stutteringpeach: Hold my beer. 😅🤝 Reading this was truly a roller coaster ride, my stomach was doing somersaults non-stop: On his last evening in New York, poet Henry meets bartender Alex and the two spend the night together - in true "Before Sunrise" style. To sum it all up: enchanting, sweet, phenomenal, iconic!

No. 1 (Royal Red and Blue) Oil on Canvas by @captainjunglegym (book-verse)

@zwiazdziarka: This fic is so twisted and surprising in the best way! The summary did not prepare me for all the action that comes after the initial relationship drama and I'd really like to fawn over it some more but I don't want to spoil the fun of figuring out what really is going on and what are characters' motivations. Just give it a try.

Meet the Parents (series) by @14carrotghoul (book-verse)

@dot524: I really enjoyed these thoughtful character studies of Ellen and Oscar. The two short stories are a series of canon vignettes from Oscar and Ellen’s POV. These glimpses of the Claremont-Diaz parents add heart and depth to the RWRB canon, giving insight about how Ellen and Oscar think about parenthood, power, family, and each other.

Leave The World Better Than You Found It: A BONES AU by @treluna4 (book/movie-verse)

@myheartalivewrites: I really enjoyed this FirstPrince meets procedural TV show fic! With Alex as Booth and Henry as Brennan, they learn to work together, solve crimes--and fall in love, of course. Plus take down a very satisfying book villain.

No Laughing Matter by @inexplicablymine (book-verse)

@suseagull04: This fic is absolutely hysterical- a must read if you need something to cheer you up! It's also very relatable for anyone who, like me, has said things they've regretted in all the best ways!

in summer air by @acdsbff (book-verse)

@na-dineee: I need a vacation and vitamin D - maybe that's why this series (both POVs are covered 🥰) captivated me so much?! It is set on a Greek island, where Alex, just cheated on by his boyfriend, meets hotel owner Henry. What follows is a whirlwind speedrun romance against a beautiful backdrop. Really therapeutic for the heart on dreary days!!

here is a map (with your name as a capital) by @alasse9 (book-verse)

@dot524: What an incredible surprise to have this entire 50k story drop at once. In this canon divergent story, Alex and Henry start getting to know each other in Rio, when Alex helps him recover from a panic attack. Their friendship, and later their relationship, is a delightful slow burn with funny moments, heartbreak, and steady support of each other. I thoroughly enjoyed this start to finish — the characterization of both Alex and Henry is on point and I really enjoyed how the writer changed some of the scenes from the book while keeping key callbacks. A delight.

Claremont 2008 by @happiness-of-the-pursuit (book-verse)

@suseagull04: This friends to lovers AU is done so well! Having Henry and Alex meet as kids means we get years of their friendship before they even start dating, and it gives every aspect of their relationship so much depth through this entire fic. It also gives some events only referenced in the novel a completely different perspective, which makes them even better!

keep me in the moment (don't it feel so real?) by @anincompletelist (book-verse)

@heysweetheart-writes: I absolutely love everything that comes out of Sarah's magic little fingers and this was no exception. Alex and Henry are best friends and pinning over eache other unknowingly and an accidental lil discovery turns their relationship upside-down (for the better) absolutely recommended. I honestly loved it so much.

you know i can't be found with you by @dumbpeachjuice (book-verse)

@heysweetheart-writes: This was SO much fun. Alex was RELENTLESS and I absolutely love an older Henry. It was also very fucking funny. 10/10

the great duck fiasco by @alexclaremont-diaz (book-verse)

@suseagull04: A spy AU, dating apps, and Alex's Texas roots combine in the funniest way possible- definitely read this if you want a good laugh!

[art-of-the-sea]

Cookie Run: Facets of Knowledge AU

[pt: Cookie Run: Facets of Knowledge AU]

" The Virtue of Knowledge holds two sides to it; Truth and Deceit. Only together can they truly understand its depths. "

Not so much a complete AU as a likely canon divergence, this 'verse is set after Dark Enchantress's defeat. Her attempt to free the Beasts from their eternal prison by creating new bodies for them ended catastrophically. The only way to keep them all at bay was to seal them within the Soul Jams carried by each of the Ancients, as well as within their own bodies. This came with its benefits and drawbacks- after all, the threat has been tamed for as long as the Ancients remain uncorrupted. Not only that, but the reuniting of the Soul Jams' other halves magnified the Ancients' power beyond imagining- as its main holders, it's all in their control now, out of reach of the Beasts.

The complications, of course, come with the continued presence of the Beasts within the Ancients. They may not have any powers, no, but they can certainly be heard by the Ancients they've been sealed within - even seen as a projection of the Soul Jam's magic. Pure Vanilla Cookie knows he's in no danger from Shadow Milk Cookie as long as he doesn't mentally give in to his lies. However, that doesn't stop the comments, the perspectives, or the presence he brings. Sealed together, they have to learn to understand each other deeper than either expected, and slowly, each begin to open their eyes to the other's views and experiences.

More details & doodles below the cut! ⤵️

- Shadow Milk Cookie can project himself outwardly into the world using the Light of Truth, but in almost all cases, the only one that can see, hear, or feel him is Pure Vanilla Cookie. This leads to quite a few reactions to seemingly "nothing" from the outside, which took a long while for the other cookies around him to get used to.

- Shadow Milk gets bored very often due to not having a physical body or the ability to interact with most cookies, so he often resorts to pestering Pure Vanilla in one way or another. PV found that ignoring him only makes it worse, so he'll often engage in giving hypothetical answers to SM's ridiculous lines of questioning. This tends to result in either an absurdly niche philosophy discussion or a yes-and fantasy lasting on-and-off for days.

- Distrust is rampant between the two, of course, which is beneficial for neither of them. Pure Vanilla is convinced Shadow Milk wants nothing but to control Earthbread once more, and SM thinks PV wants nothing more than to lock him away somewhere dark and eternal. Both are partially right, but they are forced to learn the depths of the others' perspective and understand how their defining traits are reflections of each other, stemming from the same place.

- Because of this, they slowly begin to understand each other. To trust each other. To let down the walls, because really... Who else would ever be able to comprehend them like the other?

- Pure Vanilla still refuses to trust him enough to let Shadow Milk take control of the body, though. After all, control of the body would hypothetically mean control of the Soul Jam, and he can't let himself risk the fate of Earthbread once more. Sure doesn't stop SM from pestering, begging, bargaining, and more to try!

- Arguments are surprisingly rare, because if both of them get too deep into their heated debate, they get uncomfortably close to the reality of how similar they are to each other; this tends to make them back off.

- Both of them also feel this discomfort when the other is genuinely feeling mentally unwell, as viewing the other's complexity reflects on their own they wish to conceal. This can result in an awkward attempt to cheer the other up or help the situation, if nothing else to simply remove the shared disconcertion.

(If anybody's honestly interested in learning details for this AU, send in an ask! I might even draw doodles for the replies. this au is also where this sorta popular doodle comes from)

Bonus:

me too gingerbrave

[bluejutdae]

Stray Kids as Hozier songs | OT8

Chan

Take me to Church - the song resonates with leadership and a commanding presence in the same way Chan does, with a very bold and powerful nature. It's a very intense song. Chan is devoted to the members and the music and he’s a determined man. Chan's unwavering presence is always passionate and the soulful vocals of the song coupled with the powerful instrumentals mirrors the role of Chan in the group. The lyrics also reflects resistance, something we know Chan is well versed into.

Minho

Nina Cried Power - The empowering theme of the song resonates with Minho's social involvement. "It's not the song, it is the singing". It's no mystery Minho is very well conscious of inequalities in the world, and he does what he can to fight them. The song also explore power and the force of collective strength, something that pairs well to Minho and his attentive care to guide Stray Kids in dancing as a unit. "It's not the wall, but what's behind": he understands and communicates perfectly how the connections between members (even beyond the surface) are part of the strength of the group.

Changbin

Jackie and Wilson - Stylistically speaking, the song’s instrumentals are impactful and strong just like Changbin's rapping and his ability to make strong artistic statements even when in a group. The lyrics convey the sense of overcoming challenges, something Changbin himself admitted to have done, and in doing so, he made a lasting impact in the musical world and in the lives of many (who often speak about the impact Changbin had on them).

Hyunjin

Cherry Wine - sweet and soulful, a very gentle and emotional atmosphere, tender but complex, almost like it’s hiding a constant questioning. The song has the ability to convey emotional depth and a story, and it’s mirrored by the ability Hyunjin has to do the same while dancing. The song has a tone of melancholy in itself, a bittersweet taste that Hyunjin is able to replicate with his ability to convey emotional complexity with just a facial expression or a movement. The poetic nature of the song, despite the negative narrative aspects, reflect Hyunjin artistic expression and many of his paintings.

Jisung

From Eden - Jisung's creative style match the complexity and depth found in the narrative of the song. In the song there's a sense of familiarity and introspection, and both Jisung and the song manage to be amazing storytellers. The imagery in the song it's very vivid, just like Han's lyrics, and the symbolism is so Jisung coded.

Felix

Almost (sweet music) - smooth and stylish, the song depicts a sophisticated atmosphere, yet a longing and emotional one. There's a mix of style in the song, a bit of classic jazz and something more contemporary, and it translate perfectly in Felix's duality. The heart being, in a way, the main character is also something easily paired to Felix, who always wears his heart on his sleeves.

Seungmin

Someone new - an hopeful and melodic atmosphere, a "friendly" song even to those who are not fans of Hozier. There's lightness in the lyrics yet they’re honest and clear, and they translate in Seungmin's position in the group. As said, it’s an honest song, almost like a self-discovering journey from the narrator and it suits Seungmin so well.

Jeongin

To noise making (sing) - bright energy, uplifting and optimistic tones. There's a careless energy in the song and exuberance that reflects Jeongin's. The melodies are almost whimsical, and paired with the uplifting message it reminds me of the constant positive and cheerful aura that I.N. has. It also always makes me think it can be read as a message to Jeongin from his hyungs: the undeniable love they have for him, the unwavering support and the joy they all feel just by watching him being happy…

[thankskenpenders]

And now for something new

So, here's something I was never planning on doing, but I just couldn't shake the idea... Thanks Ken Penders is gaining a sister blog featuring an entirely different comic franchise!

Introducing... Thanks Steve Ditko, a blog where I read the Earth-616 Spider-Man comics, starting all the way back in the '60s! It's gonna be much more casual and less thorough than how I run things here on TKP, though, which I'll explain in a sec.

If seeing me post weird bits from old Spider-Man comics sounds fun and you need no further info, then just head right on over to Thanks Steve Ditko. But for longtime TKP readers, I know you probably have questions...

Number one: Why?

Spider-Man's always been my favorite superhero, and with the Spider-Verse movies kicking ass and my excitement building for the new Insomniac game, I've been in a Spidey mood. Inevitably, a thought occurred to me: Maybe I should actually read the comics that everything else is built off of and see the wildly varying contributions of all the original creators, rather than filtering them through big budget adaptations. If I can power through One Piece and all these other manga with hundreds of chapters, it can't be that hard... right?

And, well, after a few issues I quickly realized that my options were to either clog up my other accounts with random Spider-Man panels for years, or to just make a side blog. And so the side blog was born.

Two: Will this blog replace Thanks Ken Penders?

NO!!!!!!!!!

Okay but prove it

To allow the two to exist side-by-side, Thanks Steve Ditko will have a different format than what Thanks Ken Penders developed. Rather than an in-depth guided tour that critically analyzes every story beat of every issue, TSD will just be a place for amusing panels and brief thoughts as I casually read the comics at my own pace.

If you've seen me make a few tweets about reading Spider-Man recently, I'm basically just moving that to a dedicated Tumblr. It's a place for me to dump these things so that it doesn't fill up my media tab on Twitter for the next decade. (You know, assuming Twitter is still around in a decade.) There will be many issues where I only post two panels that I thought were funny. There will be issues where I don't have anything to say at all. Maybe I'll reach a run that I just cannot get into, and I start skipping around more. Who knows!

This may sound similar to what I thought this blog would be before it blew up. Aside from the simple fact that there's already mountains of Spider-Man commentary out there and therefore less of a void for me to fill, one of the main steps I'll be taking to avoid repeating the past is not enabling an ask box on TSD. I do not need people to ask me to go into ten times more detail on everything. I do not need to write seven essay-length responses to questions about Spider-Man minutiae every day. I do not need a place for people to chide me for not covering certain scenes, issues, or ancillary series.

It also won't have any kind of update schedule. I'm trying to keep it very casual. I'm reading these comics at my own pace, and if I feel like sharing a moment or commenting on something while doing so? It goes there. That's it.

(On the subject of format changes, I'm also listing the issue, writer, and penciller in the body of every post. This is a thing I wish I'd done on TKP so that people didn't misattribute every weird Archie Sonic panel I post to Penders.)

Three: So when will TKP come back from hiatus? You said it'd come back after you finished SLARPG!

I don't know! Sorry. I have a couple things on the backburner right now for TKP, but I'm not sure when I'll get back to proper updates where I read more comics.

I wanted to bring TKP back this year, and that's still possible. The main hurdle is that I want to reread my own archive (again) as a refresher, which is, uh. A lot of posts. I've developed a high standard for myself on here, and I feel like I wouldn't be doing my job right if I forgot half the ongoing subplots and character arcs and didn't bring them up in my analysis. Especially when I'm discussing the work of an author as obsessed with continuity as Ian Flynn. Unfortunately, the nature of this blog means that every time I go on another long hiatus for Life Reasons I have even more comic continuity to catch up on than last time.

(This is a big part of why I'm making Thanks Steve Ditko an extremely casual blog instead of promising to become a Lore Expert on 60+ years of Marvel.)

Mostly I've just been very burnt out this year after having finally finished a video game that took almost eight years to make. I haven't really had the energy for any creative projects, including TKP. But I feel a little bit of a spark here with Spider-Man, so I'm chasing that feeling to try to get back into the swing of blogging about comics - no pun intended.

So, basically, bear with me on this as I start this low-energy side project. But hopefully folks will enjoy Thanks Steve Ditko as its own thing, too.

Look forward to goofy shit like this

[letters-adressed-to-the-fire]

so this is why i think peter is the one looking in people's windows

A few days ago, I saw a swiftie on TikTok talking about how I look in people’s windows could be taken as the other perspective of the same story narrated in Peter, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. So, I decided to go in-depth and start a self-assigned quest to look for any clue that could interweave these two stories in a way that made sense.

I know this could sound a little absurd or could be taken as a stretch of some sort, but I believe, and I’m sure most of her fans would agree, that most of the beauty in Taylor’s writing comes from the countless different interpretations people bestow on her lyrics. I’m not asking you to take this analysis as absolute truth because I’m genuinely just having fun with it, and I hope you do too.

I’ll analyze “I look in people's windows” from Peter’s point of view and “peter” from the other character’s pov, whom we’ll call Wendy given the obvious parallelism to Peter Pan.

Well, the main and obvious connection is given by the “window” element. While Wendy is waiting for Peter by the window, Peter is looking for her from outside that window. If you look at this through very literal and rational eyes, I believe you’d think it doesn’t make sense that they were both looking for each other through the same window but never met again. So HERE is where I want to insert my interpretation.

There are two options I can think of that would explain the failed meeting. 

Peter intentionally avoided Wendy while still looking for her every day.

Every time they were looking for each other, it happened at different moments.

The first case presents a lot of questions, like, is the pledge to grow up what is stopping Peter because he knows he can’t do it? Or was he cruel enough to wait for Wendy to move on and then come back? Either way, the conclusion remains the same. In this scenario, Peter was a coward. If it was because he didn’t want to grow up, if it was because he just wanted Wendy to never move on, or if it was because he never gave her a real answer.

On the other hand, the second case talks about something that’s closer to a tragedy. They were always doomed by the narrative. While Wendy was waiting for him, Peter was looking for her, but Wendy never saw him—not when she waited or when Peter was looking for her. We would need to assume some things here tho. Either it all comes back to the first option and Peter had been avoiding her the entire time, or he thought she had already forgotten about him. The first option shows us, once again, that Peter is a coward, but the second one also tells us something important: he may be too scared to grow up, but he’s not selfish enough to stop her from moving on.

“Northbound I got carried away As you boarded your train South, south, south, south, south, south A feather taken by the wind blowing I'm afflicted by the not knowing so”

Based on this verse, we can design a new theory. He watched her leave and he was aching for her to come back to him. So he started looking for her in other people’s windows, wondering if one of them was gonna be her. Even when he had already said goodbye to her.

And here’s where another verse of peter will acquire significance:

“I thought it was just goodbye for now”

With both songs in mind, it sounds like he said goodbye to her, hoping they were gonna see each other again, but he also knew he had to let her go at the time and that he was condemned to miss her. But what Peter didn’t know was that Wendy was gonna go through the same thing, but she wouldn’t have the comfort of knowing what he did (wait for her).

“promises oceans deep, but never to keep”

This is why we get two completely different endings for both songs. While Peter is still addicted to the what-ifs, Wendy has turned off the light; the fantasies have expired for her. Wendy grew up; Peter didn’t. While I look in people's windows gives you the feeling of being running from house to house in a neighborhood you don’t recognize anymore, trying to fit into a routine you were used to in the past; peter reads like the last chapter of a book you’ll never touch again.

[kaibutsunoo]

He is picking his teeth with a powerline, absentmindedly thinking aloud as he contemplates the fact that his mother must not even realize that she has an in-law. "I should tell Mother about the moth." He muses aloud. It is not like.... she'll be upset that he's already married.

[zepskies]

Omgosh I loveeee the imagines for Sam having a crush on deans gf!!! And the part 2 SO ANGSTY. And you write dean and readers interactions so well! (Feel free to ignore if you don't wanna do this) But I'm so curious to know how the conversation went between Dean and the reader after finding out! I just need to know how dean talks about the situation with them!! Anyway HAVE A GREAT DAY 🩷🩷

Hello my lovely anon!

I'm so glad you enjoyed those angsty little imagines. 😂 For those who don't know, they're referring to these:

You are Dean's one exception. (In which Sam is in love with Dean's girlfriend - and how Dean reacts.)

Sam crosses the line. (The sequel: Sam finally sees his chance with you after he's hit by a witch's spell.)

I tried to imply what followed between the reader and Dean after this section:

Your eyes widen further. You look from Sam, to your boyfriend. Dean's jaw is clenched tight.

"Okay, what the fuck is going on?!" you ask in earnest.

Dean meets your gaze for a moment, his face tense. His reluctant eyes communicate to you things you never knew. Things that clog emotion in your throat.

But since you asked so nicely, this is my headcanon for that conversation between the reader and Dean (after Sam is knocked out by Rowena lol):

Of course, you would demand to know why Dean didn't tell you earlier.

Your heart and mind are a maelstrom of emotions: shock, not wanting to believe it's true, anger and hurt at both of these men for lying to you for so long about what's been going on.

Because a lie of omission is still a damn lie.

Dean is quiet at first, and you're forced to read into his silence. You peer at him closer, grabbing his wrist.

"Dean...did you really think it would change anything?" you ask incredulously.

His brows furrow. "No."

But you don't quite believe him.

"I just...didn't want you to have to deal with this shit, that's all," he eventually admits.

Your eyes narrow as you stare up at his face. You're trying to discern the truth.

"Is that really why?" you ask.

"Yeah, okay?" His voice is gruff and frustrated.

You move in closer, gripping the open edges of his plaid shirt. He knows what you're demanding in your gentle silence.

Don't lie to me.

Your hand reaches up to his cheek, a tender gesture that softens him. Your thumb brushes across his lower lip.

"Good," you reply. "Because if I have to remind you that I am entirely, undeniably, irrevocably in love with you, then I might just have to punish you."

A slow smirk spreads across your man's face.

"Oh yeah?" he says. His hands find your hips, drawing you closer. You're satisfied by the hint of doubt washing away from his demeanor. From his tight shoulders loosening.

"Just outta curiosity, what might that entail?" Dean asks.

Your lips curve. "Oh, you'll find out, after we fix your brother... Dean, I'll need to talk to him."

Dean's burgeoning good humor fades, but you take his face in both your hands and make sure he meets your gaze. You are firm in your convictions, and he sees that.

He nods in acceptance, before he dips down to press his lips to yours. It's gentle at first, but all too soon becomes claiming, born of hidden frustration and passion.

When he parts from you, it's slow, reluctant. His fingers draw a strand of hair behind your ear.

In his eyes, you see the true depths of him. Something not many people get to see.

It's there that you always know that you're loved.

I hope that satisfied you, my dear! 😘 I miiiiight do a more official 3rd part to this imagine-verse where Sam gets his happy ending (with Eileen).

Dean Winchester Imagines

Dean Winchester Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Dean W. Tag List:

@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007 @wincastifer @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb @vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @roseblue373 @this-is-me19 @emily-winchester @spnexploration @deans-spinster-witch @deans-baby-momma @iprobablyshipit91

@melancholictearz @nic-kolas @katherineann83 @sleepyqueerenergy @wayward-lost-and-never-found @thewritersaddictions @just-levyy @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @deanwanddamons @antisocialcorrupt @lacilou @adoringanakin @theonlymaninthesky @teehxk @midnightmadwoman @brianochka @branj19

@agalliasi @venicesem @chriszgirl92 @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78 @solariklees @xsophianicolex @deansbbyx @candy-coated-misery0731 @curlycarley @sarahgracej @bagpussjocken @ultrahviolentart @chernayawidow @beskarfilms @mimaria420

[cosmichorrorlesbians]

new Silt Verses ep was so incredibly good and there's so much to talk about but I keep coming back to Sibling Rane.

I think Jon and Muna do a great job of making even minor characters feel distinctive and resonant with the main cast, and the disciples of the various faiths are one of the places this shows most strongly. The disciples of the Trawlerman are the people Faulkner has made himself responsible for and as early as Chapter 22 a thread develops that many of them are naïve, and young, and almost comedically earnest.

And yet, at the same time, these 'children' are part of-- at the forefront of, even-- Faulkner's acquistion of power within the Parish. In the same episode, Thurrocks accurately articulates both the depth of the faith they have in him and the result to which it is already leading.

So. Young members of the faith as (at least superficially) earnestly artless and yet having a dangerously fervent power of belief. Rane, when we meet them in Chapter 30, seems like another genuine and ardent neophyte.

They're eager and conscientious and I half expected them (like Jasp) to last less than two episodes. But they become a quiet background voice to Faulkner's downward spiral. They take on administrative tasks, attending to Roemont when he visits the Gulch, and-- increasingly-- becoming an emotional and social anchor for Faulkner as he slides into depression.

Rane doesn't seem to be a born diplomat. Earnest. Naïve. Clumsy. But I think that ambiguity the stage directions draw out is interesting. Is Rane really so ingenuous? Are they 'pretend[ing]'? They've taken on so much responsibility for the faith, smoothing over awkwardnesses, arranging things in the background, organising transport and supplies while Faulkner broods. Is it earnest? Pragmatic? Both?

I think it's very easy to read Rane as having unreciprocated romantic feelings towards Faulkner. I certainly do. Their devotion shades into excess, and in the moments where the pair seem to engage almost as equals, like the car ride in Chapter 38, there's this real sense of simultaneous shared joy and an underlying desire on Rane's part to 'get Faulkner's attention' and prove themself worthy of it. To impress him.

This Chapter sees Faulkner experience a dark night of the soul. He's already depressed to the point of suicidal ideation, detached from his surroundings and utterly anhedonic. He's clearly not equipped to acknowledge or accept love from others, romantic or platonic. This episode is about caring for someone who is fundamentally disconnected from you, who will never see things the way you do but must be loved and kept safe nonetheless. It's also where Rane saves Faulkner's life.

Rane, acting as caretaker, quietly reverses the established power dynamic of their relationship. Faulkner's attempted drowning directly parallels his childhood experience of conversion as recounted in Series 1. He becomes the lost, frightened child in their dynamic.

This speech obviously underlines Faulkner's insecurities, his youth, and the validity of his prophetic status as "chosen". We know he's engineered and manipulated his own glorification.

But it also draws attention to how Rane acts as a parallel to Faulkner. Faulkner, when we first meet him, seems precisely this enthusiastic if inept younger disciple. 'Was I like that?' he asks himself about Thurrocks. Maybe he was once. Because we see the same kind of darkness surface in Rane. As Faulkner clearly no longer cares if he lives or dies, they take on more and more of the unspoken burden of leadership.

They 'stage-manage'. They become the structural surety at the heart of the myth of Faulkner, putting in his hard work, handing him his kelp wreath, shoring up his crumbling facade. They recognise the gap between what he is and what his people want him to be, what they need him to be.

'It will be different when it's written'. Did Faulkner trip, or was he shoved? Does it even matter? We don't truly know whether Rane has taken the wheel as the endgoal of some Machiavellian scheme, or as a decision of pure pragmatism motivated by their faithful zeal, or out of desperate, genuine, self-deluding care for Faulkner, but is it important?

Faulkner isn’t just made up of Faulkner any more. Rane is being quietly assimilated into his legend. 'When it's written', I doubt they'll be much more than a footnote in his story. But I would also dispute whether High Prophet Faulkner isn't substantially a creation of unnoticed, unappreciated Sibling Rane.

[sgdlr-asdfghjkl]

Link Click Musical lyrics translation ✨🎶

@chocolatexiaoshi brought to my attention that Qiao Ling's actress, Cai Lu, posted a video from rehearsal where she's singing a part of QL's solo song that doesn't appear in the encore, only in main plot (rare!). Here's the video:

And by courtesy of chocolatexiaoshi, here's the full translation (plot context below the lyrics) 🙏🌟

M11 尼克和马修 'Nick and Matthew' sung by Qiao Ling

七岁那年遇见一个倒霉朋友 When I was seven years old, I met an unlucky friend. 我的笑料都来自他出丑 I get all my laughs when he makes a fool of himself. 没穿过耐克 (He) never wore Nike. 自己画个倒钩 Drew himself a barb (tick line, to pretend to wear Nike). 羡慕同学有爸妈开车接送 He envied his classmates when their parents drove them around. 他吹牛家里游艇正在维修 He bragged that his family's yacht was being repaired. 这个蠢货幻想有两个朋友 This douchebag fantasizes about having two friends. 一个叫尼克 One's name is Nick. 另一个叫马修 The other is Matthew. 还以为是他国外的笔友 I thought they're his pen pals from abroad. 所谓的朋友全都是他虚构 He's making up all his friends. 尼克是狮子 Nick was a lion. 马修是条狗 Matthew was a dog. 用秘密威胁他做我朋友 Threatened him with this secret to be my friend. 他提了个要求 He made a request. 家长会我爸 PTA meeting with my dad. (PTA - routine meetings between the parents and teachers of students, to discuss a child's progress at school) 装他大舅 Pretend to be his great-uncle.

Here starts the part Cai Lu is singing in the video (and it's 😭💔):

尼克马修其实是孤独的魔咒 Nick and Matthew are actually a curse of loneliness. 若有人陪伴怎会如此荒谬 How can it be so absurd if he has company? 所有的情绪靠幻想找个出口 All his emotions find an outlet in his fantasies. 喜怒哀愁去和故事书交流 He'd go to a storybook for his sorrows and his joys. 自我欺骗才能排解烦忧 The only way to get rid of them is to lie to himself. 这个倒霉蛋我认识十五年之久 I've known this unfortunate man for 15 years. 你是除了我以外，他唯一的朋友 You're the only friend he's got besides me. 看过了彼此的伤痛 You guys've seen each other's pain. 应该更宽容 You should be more forgiving. 别被情绪左右 Don't let your emotions get the best of you. 一起向前走 Let's move forward together. 如果我是尼克 If I'm Nick. 你来做马修 You'd be Matthew. 他渴望的两个朋友 The two friends he craves. 你和我送他拥有 You and I will give him the two friends he longs for.

The clip ends here, but there are a few more verses 🎶

尼克和马修他童年的缺口 Nick and Matthew, the gaping hole in his childhood 填补了他的梦 Filled his dreams. 你我别放手 You and I, don't let go. 尼克和马修吹过最离谱的牛 Nick and Matthew is the most outrageous thing he's ever bragged about. 能不能和我一起 Will you join me? 将他心愿保留 To keep his heart's desire alive

ಥωಥ yeah.

🌟Context: after the earthquake arc dive, Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang have a fight where CXS says he doesn't want to see Lu Guang anymore. Qiao Ling tries to ask LG what happened but doesn't get an answer. Then she goes to comfort CXS:

Eventually LG goes to sulk on a basketball court:

Qiao Ling finds him and tells him about Xiaoshi's childhood (her song starts) :'>

These are drawings of Nick and Matthew (tho they seem to change, you can they're different in pics above^). QL shows them while singing:

My dear shiguang nation... how are we feeling about QL and LG stepping into Xiaoshi's life filling a place of his imaginary childhood friends born out of loneliness? Bc I-

Again huge thanks to @chocolatexiaoshi for basically translating everything and adding context to this song 🙏 I just checked english grammar and helped to put it together 🤝 We're keeping in touch and they've actually seen LC musical live, so if you have more in depth questions about the play or specific actors, let us know 😘

[princessmisery666]

Meeting In The Darkness

Summary: You forgive Dean for what he did when he had black eyes but he can’t forgive himself.

Warnings/Genres/Troupes: angst, blood, implied torture, Demon!Dean, MOC!Dean, unresolved angst.

W/C: 2,882.

Pairing: past Dean Winchester x fem!reader (you - no descriptions of body type or ethnicity).

Bingo: @jacklesversebingo Square Filled: “Well one of us has to be wrong, and it’s not going to be me.”

A/N: @justagirlinafandomworld and @pink-sparkly-witch helped with ideas and feedback, thank you, but it has changed a little since then.

Betas: @slytherkins // all mistakes are my own.

Graphics: made by me on canva, divider @talesmaniac89

Master Lists: Dean Winchester // JAckles Verse Bingo // Main

It’s dark. Too dark. Your gun is out along with your flashlight, scanning the corners of the abandoned warehouse but the darkness seems to swallow anything beyond the end of the barrel.

Something is off and your gut tells you to get out, run fast and far. But you won’t, at least not until you find Dean. He called hours ago, said he was hurt and needed help. He sent the location pin and it brought you here. But it doesn’t feel right, it's too…quiet. Like the shadows are listening to your heartbeat. 

You tried calling Dean when you arrived but it rang out until his voicemail picked up. Sam’s not answering his phone either, maybe he’s hurt too? 

One foot over the other, that’s all you can focus on, not the worry making your heart beat faster. You desperately wish you’d called for back-up. Jody, Donna, hell even Garth. Except it was Dean. Your affinity for the surly hunter often clouded your judgment. He might not have time for you to wait for back-up. If Dean is hurt, he needs you now, not when the sun rises, though you doubt the dawn would penetrate the dark depths of the damp smelling warehouse.

“Dean,” you call out in a soft whisper. “Sam?”

Dean’s location blips on your screen, you're standing right on top of it, but he must be a floor above you because there’s no sign of him, and you’ve checked below. You're afraid of what you’ll find, and looking down at the illuminated screen blinds you further in the blackness that surrounds you.

“This isn’t right,” you say and have the eerie feeling someone hears you. 

Your phone rings, startling you so much, it drops to the floor. Of course it lands face down so you can’t see it.

“Fuck!” 

You scramble around, flashlight scanning for it, and as you step forward, you manage to kick it further away. You follow as it slides across the dusty floor, and the corner hits the wall just as it stops ringing.

You're quick to pick it up and the smell hits you as you straighten up. It isn’t dust… 

Demons. 

You sigh with relief when Sam’s name flashes on the caller I.D again. “Sam.” 

He doesn’t offer a greeting, frantically asking, “Where are you?”

“I’m at the warehouse. Dean called, he said you-”

“Get out,” Sam panics, “get out now, run!”

You freeze, terrified to turn around as the sudden sense you aren’t alone makes the hairs on your arms stand on end. 

“Sam what’s going on?” You ask, slowly backing up, trying to follow the same path to ensure you don’t trip over anything.

“Dean isn’t Dean,” Sam explains, “the Mark, it changed him. He’s a…” he struggles to finish the sentence taking a deep breath, and he utters the word as you back into a solid chest, “demon.”

“Shit.” 

“Hey, sweetheart,” Dean’s voice whispers against the shell of your ear, and it sounds as dark as the shadows. 

He takes the phone from your hand and hangs up, throwing the device over his shoulder. He runs his fingers down your arms, shoulder to wrist. For the briefest of moments, you convince yourself it’s a gentle caress, a sweet ‘I missed you’ in Dean’s language, until he wraps his fingers around yours and the gun.

You forgot you had the weapon, despite Sam’s frantic warning, you’ve never feared Dean, and it’s not like you’d have shot him. But you know you’ll soon regret that thought.

“Give it up,” he instructs, with little room for argument, almost crushing your fingers beneath his. 

You surrender it, cautiously taking a half step forward and turning at the same time when you feel Dean lean back to hand off the gun to someone you can’t see. He’s unnaturally fast, and before you can take a breath, he has you pinned against the wall, arms above your head. The flashlight falls, making the shadows dance, and as if on cue, the room's light illuminates, blinding you.

You squeeze your eyes shut against the assault and debate whether to keep them closed, afraid of what else is lurking in the room.

Dean demands, “Look at me,” and you know you’d be a fool to disobey.

Finally, when you find the courage to follow his command, you look up at him. Black drowns his pretty eyes, and his smile is fiendish.

“Please don’t say here’s Johnny,” you quip though you feel yourself start to tremble.

Dean laughs, but it doesn’t hold an ounce of amusement. “Johnny ain’t got nothing on me.”

You look over his shoulder, an army of demons line the walls looking at you with a fatal hunger. 

“Is this…” You can’t say it, recognizing that this is the place Crowley kept the alphas. The room where you saved Meg from Alistair’s clutches. You don’t know what you're asking for exactly; to be let go, to make it quick or something else, but the word falls from you in a shaky breath. “Please.” 

“Oh, don’t start begging yet,” Dean tuts, “you’ll spoil all the fun.”

“Fun?”

“See Sammy doesn’t believe that I’m no longer his big brother,” he explains, sounding irritated and bored.

“Dean, you don’t…” 

His hand wraps around your throat, lithe fingers reaching from ear to ear, and he cuts off your air to stop you from talking. “I’m tired of telling him to leave me alone, so I thought it’s time to really show him what I am. Maybe when I’m done here, he’ll let me go.”

Dean POV

I watch you thrash and squirm in your sleep. I know better than to wake you. Luckily, my reflexes saved me from any real damage but I have the scar to remind me of the knife you keep tucked under your pillow. 

“Dean, you don’t…” you whimper into the dream world.

Only, I know it's not a dream. It's a memory, playing out in full high definition. Unfortunately, I remember what happens next too.

I’ve tried running from the man - thing - I was, but I guess I’m too slow. It catches up to me in waves, winds me so much I clutch my chest, digging my fingers into my skin, hoping I’m somehow strong enough to break the flesh and rip my own heart out. Because that’s what it feels like while I watch you struggle. Every thrash or whimper is a blow to my chest, and I can’t catch my breath. 

I’ve waited at the bottom of a hundred bottles, drowning while I waited for you to come back. Waging a war against myself, punishing myself the only way I know how, abusing my body and falling into bed with any woman willing to sleep with the down and out drunk. 

I denied myself access to you. And you never called me. When finally I thought I had gotten away with it and felt a spark of relief that I wouldn’t ever have to face you again, like magic, you appeared.

That agony swallowed me whole, and I still feel like some big bad is chomping on my insides. It’s no less than I deserve, and heaven knows I’m never getting over you or what I did.  

I remember the pact you made, a vow etched in your blood as I slowly and painfully drew it from your body. “When all this is over,” your lip trembled, but the conviction was in your eyes. So much so, even the demon in me was intrigued with the absolute belief written on your bloodied features. “When Sam has fixed you…” you swallowed thickly, found a last ounce of strength and told me - him - “I can wait for you at the bottom. I can stay away if you want me to, and I’ll wait for years if I have to, but I’ll see you again, and I’ll forgive you, Dean.” 

I thought when your blood dried, you’d take it back, but apparently you haven’t. Because here you are, back at the bunker, sleeping in your old room. Is this what your forgiveness looks like? Pretending like nothing happened, even though you still have the scars, physical and mental, to show that it did. 

Your jerking movements stop and I hope that the nightmare has passed when you roll to lay on your back. I wait a few minutes, watching your body relax, your eyes remain closed, and your frown smooth as your breathing evens out. 

“Dean.” 

It sounds intentional but you still look like you're asleep. You sigh heavily, hand coming up to rub your eyes open, and then you’re looking at me. A mixture of tiredness and weariness in your expression. 

“Did I wake you?”

I can’t help but huff a laugh. You woke me. Seriously? I’m literally the thing in your nightmares, but you’re worried about waking me. It’s infuriating and typical. 

“No, I haven’t been to bed yet.” I haven’t been sleeping much lately, but with you here, I knew it was useless to even try. 

You roll on to your back, stare up at the ceiling and ask, “Where’re you gonna run to?” 

You’re not completely wrong. I thought about jumping in Baby and hauling ass in any direction. I wish I had. I didn’t because I owe you at least an opportunity to tell me how much you hate me, remind me that I fucked us up, all because I couldn’t lose Sammy. Worst part is, I think you know I’d do it again.

Silence deafens me for a long time, and I can’t be sure if you’ve fallen asleep or not, until you deliver a blow I never expected. 

“I still love you.”

I really did do some permanent damage because that’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard you say, and you’ve never said it before today. It’s always been on the tip of your tongue. I could see it in the moments you wanted to say it, especially the moments it wouldn’t have changed anything because then you’d have been saying it for you, to make yourself feel better, knowing I was going to hell or purgatory or wherever I was headed knowing how you felt. But now you're saying it for me because it’s what I need to hear, despite that I doubt the truth of it.

You shuffle to sit up, stare at me through the darkness, repeating, “I still love you, Dean.”

“You shouldn’t.”

You lean over to switch on the lamp, a slight jesting smirk when you look back at me. “Well, one of us has to be wrong, and it’s not going to be me.”

You say it so unbelievably casual as if you're commenting on the weather, and I know you’re trying to lighten the mood, but I just don’t have it in me to make jokes.

“There’s a first time for everything,” I counter, “and this is that time. You don’t love me, you love the idea of me, and I wish I was the guy you think I am, but I’m not and I won’t ever be.” 

You sigh, and though you're too far away from me, I swear I feel it. As if a ghost just showed up, the temperature drops a few degrees, and a cold shiver runs through me when you mutter, “I know,” looking down at your fidgeting hands in your lap.

Son of a bitch. Why does that sting like a rock salt shot to my chest? 

“But you're not the villain you think you are, either,” you say, softly, as if you're talking to yourself, and you may as well be because I’ll listen, but I won’t hear it.

“Villain, monster, all means the same.”

“You know what your problem is?” There’s no softness to your tone now. You're getting angry, and that makes more sense to me. You should be angry, furious, murderous even, but you won’t claim it like you should.

Regardless of your right to be furious with me, I bite back, “I have a few, but why don’t you tell me?”

“You don’t think you're worthy of love, that anyone who cares for you has been fooled into doing so, but what you don’t see is that you prove yourself worthy over and over again. The sacrifices you make, you put everyone - damn, the world - above yourself, and that makes you worthy.”

There’s that conviction again, the same undeniable faith you had when I had you tied down and bleeding out. You believe everything you just said, but it's the second time you’ve been wrong today.

“You’re wrong,” I say. “All the sacrifices I make are for selfish reasons, to save Sam, so I don’t have to live without my brother. That’s not commendable. And all the other times it was probably to fix a mistake I made trying to save Sam. I’m not worthy. I’m a screw up.”

You shrug, “Difference of opinion, I guess.” 

Letting out a frustrated sigh, I shake my head, looking up at the ceiling as if I’ll be able to see the sanity you’ve so clearly let go of floating around up there. As my eyes drift back down, they land on your duffle sitting on the chair. It’s packed up tight still, the clothes you were wearing when you arrived neatly folded on top, boots on the floor beneath it. 

You’re saying all this, claiming you love me but it looks as though you're ready to leave at the drop of a hat. “Not planning on staying?”

“Hadn’t decided yet, needed to know if I was too much of a reminder or if you could get past it all.” 

“Get past it?” I shout. “It’s not some minor accident, YN. I didn’t accidentally step on your foot. I ran a blade through your skin, repeatedly. I took pleasure in hearing you scream. I was proud of how your blood dripped onto the floor!” 

My rage makes you jump out of the bed. You, quite literally, won’t take this sitting down. You cross the room and get in my face. “I got past it, so why can’t you?” 

I laugh, there’s no humor in it, but it's either that or smash my fist into the door. “You're past it, huh? So I wasn’t just stalking your sleep, walking around with black eyes and a knife soaked in your blood?”

You avert your gaze and take a half step back. I’ve won, I see the fight drain out of you in the way your shoulders slump. I don’t feel good about it. 

“You came here to forgive me.” You meet my gaze and it’s right there, I can see it reflected back in your tearful expression.  “But I don’t need it,” I say, as the first tear slips free, “and I really don’t want it.”

“We can’t go back.” 

You’re not asking a question, you're speaking the realization aloud. But to be sure you understand, I add, “And there’s no going forward.”

Your gaze flicks to your unpacked bag. You inhale slowly and hold it for a long pause. “I won’t stay where I’m not wanted,” you exhale, “So when I leave, I’m not coming back.”

That’s not true. You are wanted, more than you’ll ever know and more than I could ever express, but it doesn’t matter. Wanting you is not enough to keep what I did in the shadows.

It’s a dick thing to do, but the hurt I’m causing you now, the pain that is free flowing from your eyes, is nothing compared to what will happen if you stick around. “Finally,” I sigh, “something we agree on.” 

You hand flexes at your side, balls into a fist while you decide whether to strike me or not. I brace myself, expecting the blow. I deserve it. It’s what I need, a flare of anger, a singular moment to show me that I haven’t slaughtered the fight left in you.  

Your hand relaxes, and the resolve, with such a finality I’ll never forget, settles in your eyes. 

You’ve given up on me.

It’s for the best and there’s nothing left to say, so I turn and walk away.

It doesn’t take you long to get dressed, and I can’t bear to watch you leave, but I wait around the corner, out of sight, listening to your movements. 

When you leave your room, I follow your departure through the halls, trying not to inhale your scent too deeply, knowing the memories it will ignite will burn my resolve.

Your truck door slams, but the engine doesn’t start, and I hold my breath. Are you fighting with yourself to leave or stay? 

I don’t know which would make me feel worse. 

The engine starts, and I drift closer to the garage door. I push it open a crack, enough to see you resting your head on your hands that grip the wheel so tight, I can feel the sting on my own palms. Your shoulders heave with your tears that the old cranky engine drowns out. 

I do nothing but stare. The irony isn’t lost on me, I did the same thing that day in the warehouse; waiting, watching. The only difference is, as you drive away I’m the one left bleeding out and tortured.

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Master Lists: Dean Winchester // JAckles Verse Bingo // Main