#from asexuality research

[the-agent-of-blight]

Aromanticism in Academic Papers (day 2)

Each day of ASAW, i'm going to summarize and discuss a different academic paper that researches aromanticism in some capacity. Today is day 2.

Today's paper is: Ace and Aro: Understanding Differences in Romantic Attractions Among Persons Identifying as Asexual by Amy N. Antonsen, Bozena Zdaniuk, Morag Yule, and Lori A. Brotto. (2020) [stable link]

This paper's primary focus is on researching the romantic experience of asexual individuals, including the significant population of Aroace individuals. The authors found that 74% of asexual people reported experiencing romantic attraction, found differences in activities, behavior, and personalities between allo and aro asexuals. These results were found through an amalgam of data collected in 7 different studies into asexuality.

This paper, being one of the first papers to actually address aromantic people at all, has to establish some facts that seem like common sense to those of us in the community. Unsurprisingly, more alloace participants reported being in a romantic relationship than aroace participants. Alloaces were 6.7 times more likely to be in a relationship than aroaces. This is something that seems like common sense, but since aromanticism is so rarely discussed in academic literature, this is a new finding for academia. Similarly, alloaces reported more past romantic partners than those who aroace.

This paper lends academic credence to something that the asexual community has often said itself: that there are aces who want to engage in romantic activity.

I am not without complaint, however. One of this paper's claims is "Aromantic asexual participants were colder, less nurturant, and less intrusive than romantic asexual participants based on the Inventory of Interpersonal Problems." Obviously, reading that the first time, I was quite insulted. Some of those phrases carry negative connotations. Now, of course, the paper does acknowledge this, recognizing that two of the questions used to find this result (From the Inventory of Interpersonal Problems) mentioned feelings that are often associated with romantic love, which means data may have been biased by poorly worded questions. Another criticism I have with this paper is its focus on aromanticism as only a modifier to asexuality, but i do concede that it was significantly easier to study via meta-analysis. One thing to consider about the history of aromantic people being studied in academic literature is that most mentions are extremely new, and that the origins of that comes primarily from research around asexuality that got its start in 2008. Ultimately, this paper is still foundational to a lot of more aromantic specific research later on in the body of literature and therefore holds a special place.

[link to day 3]

[vroomvroomwee]

The Hazbin Hotel cast discussing Alastors aroace identity. The compassion when talking about aspec identities and the points raised are so good, the whole discussion is wonderful

[sky-scribbles]

All right, I'm curious. If you're an ace/aro-spectrum person who's ever had a partner or partners, or you've ever been the partner of an ace/aro person - what one piece of advice would you give for people on navigating a relationship as (or with) an aspec person?

(Reblogs for a bigger sample are appreciated!)

[personalzombie-tv]

There's so many things i wanna say re: informed consent and aftercare in regards to ttrpgs and other roleplay situations but i can not get the ideas in the right order. Gonna give it my best shot though.

A lot of people who suck have been yelling on tiktok about consent surveys and checkins becoming more popular with mainstream DnD. And like- it's just like in bdsm really. You gotta know what you're getting into, provide continuous consent to it, and have a way out if it gets to be too much. The only real difference between sexily pretending to be someone's maid or whatever and pretending to be an orc in a massive collaborative storytelling session is the content of the pretending and how likely anyone involved is gonna get their rocks off to it. It's still the same kind of effect on the brain and you're gonna be processing emotions that come from that. It's super important to know exactly what to expect and be able to set hard (and soft) boundaries about what you are and are not ok with experiencing there.

There's a reason safewords are considered so important in a lot of bdsm circles even when the scene isn't a situation where a plain "no" might go ignored. It's an immediate stop and return to the real world outside of the play. Having that in non-sexy rp is an amazing tool. It lets the gm or other players know "hey this needs to stop now" without having to say those words or worry about whether it's a full stop or a pause. It pulls everyone out immediately and gets them on the same level. I think anyone who's unexpectedly encountered more than they could handle in a game can appreciate the ability to do that.

The thing I haven't seen talked about as much as that though is the concept of aftercare. Like, especially in high rp settings where emotions are running high you gotta be able to take the time afterward to calm down. You need to be able to talk to your friends and remember you're playing a game, they still care about you even if your character and theirs just tried to murder each other. Maybe it doesn't get talked about much cause there's no real word for it that doesn't have the sex connotation but we really should be. I've seen first hand how dropping after intense rp can hurt someone and leave them not wanting to continue playing. You gotta make room to take care of your friends. Especially in online gaming where you can't exactly just hand them a slice of pizza and tell them how well they did acting and how much you love them.

I don't know how to end this. I've just been thinking a lot about these things. I'm glad consent forms and check ins are becoming more normalized in the gaming space. Good for everyone that that's happening even if the old guard dudebros are pissed off about it

[queenieofaces]

Have been listening to 『なんか IWAKAN!』, which is a Japanese gender studies/queer podcast recently, both with an eye on a course I'm designing for next semester and as some chill listening practice for me, so this morning at 8:30 am I was jumpscared by them suddenly starting to talk about クワロマンティック (quoiromantic).

It's interesting listening, for anyone who happens to speak Japanese. One of the really striking things about it for me was how little they seemed to associate quoiromantic with ace or aro communities. Part of that is probably demographic--of the four people on this episode, one said they were probably ace and the other three are not--but it does mean that the conversation goes in different directions than a lot of the wtfromantic/quoiromantic conversations I have seen in Anglophone communities. For example, they spend a lot of time talking about how quoiromantic is helpful because many of them never thought about the difference between romantic and sexual orientation--but quoiromantic in Anglophone communities is often a pushback against romantic orientation. (Also, a lot of the examples that the regular presenters bring up would, in Anglophone ace communities, often tend to be classed as mismatched romantic and sexual orientations, e.g. a gay man having strong non-sexual attraction to a female friend or a straight woman having strong non-sexual attraction to a female friend.) There's also discussion of polyamory and alternative family/relationship structures, romantic friendship, the assumption that two people who have the possibility of being attracted to each other will always wind up dating, and S関係 (S relationships). It is really interesting to see a lot of conversations that I've seen primarily in ace communities being picked up and lauded as useful by larger queer spaces...but (at least in this case) being sort of divorced from a lot of their history and context. But, then again, it's a 40-minute podcast that's a supplement to a special issue of their magazine and an in-person event they were running, so they probably couldn't cover all possible topics. (Also I personally know most of the coiners and popularizers of wtfromantic/quoiromantic, so I may have...more knowledge...than is normal...)

(Also very charming when the guest speaker is like, "oh, can I swear on this show, do you have to bleep it out" and then upon getting confirmation that swearing is okay, going, "WHAT THE FUCK ロマンティック.")

[rawliverandgoronspice]

weird post, but I just don't like how asexuality (and aromance too btw) is talked about online as a negation of things, as like an absence of understanding or an absence of action or an absence of intent. sometimes we slide back into "too stupid to get it/no thought brain empty" or just "oh you're asexual, you're then just Not a part of the conversation" territory, and I'm sorry to say but aspecs' relationship to sex and romance is *so* complicated most of the time, and I feel like exclusion framed as inclusivity is still a fairly recurrent problem, even in queer spaces.

I feel like we maybe lack good public resources on the emotional details of that experience. we're just lacking deeply personal art made by asexuals still in my opinion. the space ace stickers with cakes are cute and all but I'm personally really really over this as far as genuine representation goes

[bluestonewings]

ACES!!! Look at this Scientific American article!!! It makes me genuinely so happy to read. We’re making it!!!!

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/asexuality-is-finally-breaking-free-from-medical-stigma/

[parshallison]

In June, I was watching a YouTube video about asexuality when someone mentioned that asexual people aren't subjected to conversion therapy. This didn't sit right with me at all. A quick fact-check Google search quickly sent me down a rabbit hole about how a lack of sexual attraction is often treated as a medical problem to be fixed.

Many interviews and 6 months later, I covered science and medicine's changing attitudes toward asexuality it in a feature article in Scientific American's January 2024 issue! I'm so grateful to everyone who lent their expertise to the article 💜

"... Over the past two decades psychological studies have shown that asexuality should be classified not as a disorder but as a stable sexual orientation akin to homosexuality or heterosexuality. Both cultural awareness and clinical medicine have been slow to catch on. It's only recently that academic researchers have begun to look at asexuality not as an indicator of health problems but as a legitimate, underexplored way of being human."

[omniuravity]

Hazbin Hotel Characters During Rut/Mating Season

Okay, I love rut/mating season fics so much that I made headcanons. These are mostly based on actual animal biology, so I tried my best.

Tags: @bloodypeachblog, @fatgumsurpremacy-remastered, @pinkhimecat, @je-suis-eternel-jennie

TW: Sex (obviously), animalistic behavior, way too much research, creature cocks (kind of), mention of pregnancy, Alastor having sex despite him being asexual, Valentino is his own warning

Husk:

Husk does his best to keep his urges under control, especially in public. If Alastor caught wind of it, he would be tormented to hell and back. However, he does tend to be a bit more grumpy in public to hide it.

He tends to drink a bit more during this period just to help fight these urges and to keep them hidden from others.

He is also extremely protective, especially around Alastor. Other men don't bother him as much, but he absolutely despises Al getting even close to you when you are HIS mate after all.

To combat this, Husk makes sure to mark you with his scent every chance he gets. Even if he doesn't want Al to know he's feeling this way, he wants Alastor to know that you are his.

He is also a bit more adventurous in bed than normal. Typically, he prefers to keep things pretty vanilla, but due to his urges he does become a bit more possessive.

"What? Just want to try somethin' new. Maybe, make a few kittens while we're at it."

Sir Pentious:

Pentious can't hide most things well, let alone his need to mate with you. When he's not in his room, he is spending all hours of the day near you or talking about you. Though, other residents of the hotel find that pretty normal.

He also likes cuddling with you a lot during the early days of his mating season. Occasionally, letting his tongue flick against your cheek like a little kiss.

Though typically only female cobras build nests for their eggs (even if he can't impregnate you with his eggs like that), he will try and make one for you as a gesture of his love.

As for the sex aspect, you will definitely need to help him out. He does have two dicks, but he does not know how to use them.

He is a very sweet partner during his mating season, making sure you're comfortable every step of the way, even if he's a bit unsure of what to do.

"I've never had a mate thisss time of year before, but would you consssider making a nessst with me?"

Valentino:

Anyone who is "lucky" enough to be Val's partner during this time of year is in for a wild ride. Though his mating cycle is much shorter, he is much more intense than any other man you will ever be with.

Val is constantly making sure you smell like him both in and out of the tower. He wants everybody to know who you belong to. His aphrodisiac is so much stronger during this period as well.

He is also super overprotective. If another man so much as glances at you, Val will "have him fired". Which is code for, "I'm gonna fucking shoot him, so he doesn't look at my mate's face again."

Val's emotions are at an all time high during mating season, "for his future larvae" he says, but it's really an excuse to be more of an asshole to everyone except for his precious mate.

Val just adores seeing you filled with his cum. Even when it's spilling out of you he'll just finger it back in. Couldn't have you losing a single drop of his precious seed.

"Don't worry, chiquita, Daddy's home. Now I hope you're ready for me, because it's going to be a long night for the both of us."

Alastor:

Alastor's rut is practically unbearable, especially without a partner. However, this year, he has you by his side.

Alastor isn't really one for spoiling his partners, but he wants to make you feel happy and loved during this time. He'll buy you new clothes (after ripping off the ones you had), food, and cute little trinkets to remind you of him.

He is very aggressive around men. Lucifer, especially, though any man that crosses your path and so much as looks in your direction can set him off.

Alastor also doesn't normally entertain his sexual impulses. Of course, he'd do it for you, but typically, the most you'll get are a round or two if he feels like it. During his rut, he just let's himself go and fucks you until neither of you can move anymore.

He enjoys a little game of cat and mouse before having sex with you. It makes him feel powerful and feeds into his animalistic instincts.

"This has been an entertaining game, my dear, but you can't hide forever. You know I'll find you, one way or another. And when I do...well, I believe it'll leave you...breathless."

Lucifer:

Lucifer's ruts have been unbearable lately. It has been seven years since he's had a partner to indulge in them with, but now he has you.

Lucifer is all for spoiling his mate. Mainly shiny things or anything that catches your eye. He likes decorating your shared bedroom with the things he finds for you.

He isn't nearly as aggressive as Alastor during his rut. However, he is very protective of you. He barely lets you do anything on your own out of the risk of you hurting yourself.

He's the type of guy to start coming up with baby names as soon as his rut starts, just in case.

Normally, Lucifer is very mindful during sex knowing every spot that makes you feel good. During his rut, he loses his control and makes sure to find those spots every single time while marking your body as his. He, of course, apologizes profusely after.

"I'm sorry, birdie. I just can't control myself when I'm around you, especially this time of year. Don't worry, I'll make it up to you later."

[typhlonectes]

These Salamanders Steal Genes and Can Have up to Five Extra Sets of Chromosomes

Unisexual salamanders in the genus Ambystoma  appear to be the only creatures in the world that reproduce the way they do. Researchers know how, but the why is still being figured out.

Katy Greenwald: These are all pond breeding salamanders. They are really abundant in the Great Lakes. They are gene thieves. They're stealing DNA from other species. It is known as kleptogenesis. They are usually just called the unisexual complex or the unisexual Ambystoma. They are not a species, actually, because they break all the rules of what a species should be able to do. They are a really unique lineage. As far as we know there is nothing else in the world that reproduces in this way. They are five or six million year old group of animals. As a biologist, you learn all these rules and intro bio and then you learn about these things that just break the rules. In the water, the males will produce sperm at offers, which are little sperm packets that they sort of put down on on leaves and sticks and things like that in the pond. And the females will pick those up internally in their cloaca and there's internal fertilization, and then they'll lay fertilized eggs, which will develop into larvae just like tadpoles do in frogs. And these unisex rules will be in the same ponds at the same time as these normal sexually reproducing species. And they will actually pick up the sperm at offers that are produced by the males of the other species that just triggers egg development. So their eggs are laid and they develop, but they don't actually include any of the males genetic material and they produce offspring that just have the same DNA as the mom. But a smaller proportion of the time they actually do add the males genomes, and so then the offspring come out with extra chromosomes. So they can have anywhere from two to five full sets of chromosomes from up to five different species. And these salamanders seem to have the benefits of asexuality in that they're all female. Their populations can grow really fast, but they have this mechanism to add additional genetic variation that they're able to grab from these species that they coexist with. If there's one thing that we learn from studying biodiversity, it's that there is amazing variation in nature. There are all kinds of species reproducing in all kinds of ways, using all kinds of different approaches. And I think that's something we could certainly learn from in human society, that valuing and celebrating that diversity is a great part of being a biologist...

via: https://www.scientificamerican.com/video/these-salamanders-steal-genes-and-can-have-up-to-five-extra-sets-of-chromosomes

[makingqueerhistory]

Do you know if pride flags are universal? Just wondering if any other countries use flags that have been created there. I'm guessing not because I think maybe we'd see them on Tumblr, but I also realize that lack of evidence on Tumblr doesn't make that a certainty☺️ anyway, I thought this blog would be a good place to ask. Also, I guess where were all the current standards designed?

Depending on what one thinks of in regard to pride flags (the progress flag, the rainbow flag, the asexual flag, etc.) they are fairly universally used. There is photographic evidence of them being used globally to represent queerness around the world!

That being said, there are customizations galore, both to represent individuality and intersectionality. This can mean similar colours but different configurations, additional elements added to flags, or multiple flags melded.

Flags in general usually start with an individual design from an individual person, such as the rainbow flag by Gilbert Baker. But localizing the rainbow design to represent a more specific intersection of identities is relatively common!

While researching, I found this great resource for localized versions of the rainbow flag and their individual uses and meanings: https://www.crwflags.com/fotw/flags/qq-rb_v.html

Here are some that I enjoyed learning about!

Dominican Republic gay pride

Hong Kong LGBT Flag

Lebanese gay flag (Lebanon)

LGBT Flag (South Korea)

I want to thank you for asking this because researching it was an enlightening experience for me! I enjoyed learning about it and am excited to share this information!

[fuckingaromanticadventures]

As an amateur statistician myself, if I may weigh in: nope, no identifiable bias, these results can be trusted explicitly

[professorcalculusstanaccount]

“Robbie is gone! I’m still here! And I refuse to live in his shadow!”

Rastapopoulos himself may be out of the picture, but his ghost continues to haunt those who were caught in his web.

A collaboration with @aboardthescheherazade using her OC Marlene Katz - an actress Tintin tries to save in Cigars of the Pharaoh!

Five years later and Tintin is baffled to see Hollywood starlet Marlene Katz turn up at his doorstep asking for help. Formerly under the thumb of Cosmos Pictures, Marlene became an unsuspecting witness to Rastapopoulos’ criminal activity and now the mob is after her, seeking to tie up some loose ends. To top things off, she is due to make a public appearance at The Golden Palm, a prestigious film festival. After years of hiding, Marlene is determined to get her acting career back on track, and this film may be her big break.

Tintin is highly suspicious. Chang, on the other hand, is utterly star struck, and after noticing an uncanny resemblance between the two hatches a ridiculous scheme that may finally put an end to this particular problem. It might just work, but Marlene makes the last minute decision to also go undercover, feeling immense guilt over having Tintin and Chang risk their lives for her.

While Tintin is running around in heels and beating up mobsters Haddock is away on a weekend break with Ramo Nash. Before leaving he asked Chang to keep Tintin away from any incidents and to promise not to throw any house parties.

This was my first collab on this blog and I had a lot of fun bouncing ideas off with Vaye. Her blog was one of the first Tintin blogs I followed - definitely check it out, it’s an absolute treasure trove of resources and research! Below are a few notes of stuff we discussed while making this:

- After the Blue Lotus, Marlene breaks away from Rastapopoulos and pulls back from the film industry to lay low, teaching dance classes instead. He keeps trying to come back to her, leaving her exhausted and paranoid. Since Rastapopoulos always considered Marlene to be pretty stupid he never made much of an effort to properly hide his criminal activities from her, but Marlene was able to slowly piece things together...

- This adventure takes place after St. Benezet’s Basement (the boarding school story) and before Call of the Songbird (Tintin Fucks Up and Steals A Whistle). Tintin is still in the grips of trauma from the canon stories. Chang is starting to settle in. Haddock and Nash’s relationship is in full swing, but they are keeping things quiet from everyone else. 

- In some sketchbook comics I did to flesh out ideas there’s hints of Tintin being gay and asexual, his complete lack of interest in Hollywood actresses and his mild irritation of people’s judgements being clouded by crushes! Chang’s attraction to Marlene however, foreshadows his feelings for Tintin later on down the line.

- There’s a role reversal theme going on here. Both Tintin and Marlene are victims of Rastapopoulos but in very different ways. By playing each others’ roles they both can get a clearer picture of how Rastapopoulos hurt people, and therefore a better understanding of their own traumas. Tintin is usually spontaneous and rarely makes himself known, but here he is playing a set character. Marlene as an actress, on the other hand, is used to receiving direction from others, but circumstance pushes her to improvise. I can imagine her using her skills as an actor to get into character as an ace reporter to fake some much needed bravery!

- Marlene’s disguise is literally just stuff she pulls from Tintin’s and Chang’s closets. She’s wearing Tintin’s trenchcoat, dress shirt and suspenders and Chang’s spectator shoes, trousers and scarf!

- Marlene is a very skittish person but will be compelled to do what she believes is the right thing. As Vaye put it, “Marlene’s bravery under fire is that she’s like the one person in a room who’s willing to get a spider outside...” Marlene is also older than Tintin and pretty much views him as a child, even though he’s in his early 20s at this point. She feels incredibly guilty about what Rastapopoulos did to him and the fact he’s risking his life for her. She feels some level of responsibility for him.

This all started because I thought it would be cool for Tintin to beat some guys up in drag

[anniflamma]

So God Games got me going back to your original God Games animatics (because the deliveries on the music are different and I was having fun comparing the two), and one thing I did find interesting was the (hilarious) bit with a dove intercepting Aphrodite flashing the camera. Given Athena's very awkward reaction to Hera in your livestream animatic for God Games and the fact it's pretty easy to make a case for asexual Athena from myth, was that kind of an intentional choice of Aphrodite just kinda throwing her sexuality out there because she knows it's uncomfortable for Athena but Aphrodite is all about it?

Also, your animatics really getting into the sacred animal imagery has had me researching this stuff on my own time between Snake Ares and so on, and it's funny learning the literal zoo of sacred animals the Olympians tend to be associated with. Aphrodite with like, three types of birds, rabbits, dolphins, fish, bees, butterflies... Ares: For the love of- PICK ONE. Aphrodite: <with an armful of like eight different animals> But they're all my special precious fluffies! O_O

When I did that animatic with Aphrodite, my take was that Aphrodite's nakedness was meant to throw off Athena, but at the same time, Athena didn’t care about it. That’s why I didn’t include any reaction of Athena getting flustered or anything similar when Aphrodite was flashing. It’s a mix of Athena being ace as hell but also very determined to win the game.

About Aphrodite's animals, when I did my research, I asked myself why Aphrodite’s and even Eros' sacred animals were rabbits. Then I realized it’s because those animals have a ton of offspring, which makes sense for deities of sex and reproduction to be associated with them. But I still haven't figured out why snakes are related to war... and maybe medicine.

[wheneverfeasible]

Confession

wc: 3k || rating: T+ || AO3 || cw: referenced homophobia, homophobic language || summary: Eddie comes out to Wayne

Eddie Munson was bi.

Bisexual, meaning liking boys and girls and anything in-between.

What. The. Fuck.

It was all stupid Harrington’s fault. Steve. God, why did it have to be a preppy jock? There were plenty of other guys that could have snapped that realization on him, but no, he had to watch Steve Harrington spit out demobat blood (if it could be called that) after ripping its fucking spine out that made Eddie realize ‘huh, I think I like guys.’

It wasn’t like Steve was the only guy he was attracted to, he was shocked to realize. No, now that he knew that it was a possibility, his obsession with some of the musicians of bands whose music he wasn’t even that fond of started making a lot more sense, as well as how he’d reacted to some of the guys he’d gone to school with, or who had bought from him, and Jesus H. Christ, that guy at The Hideout had been hitting on him, hadn’t he?

So yeah, Eddie was dealing with a little bit of shock at his attraction to his friend, as well as the fact that that attraction was also apparently becoming a legitimate crush. Because that was healthy and safe to do. Especially when last he knew, Steve was still hung up on Nancy. And in a weird codependent relationship with Robin. Seriously, if he had to listen to Dustin complaining about why Steve wouldn’t just date Robin one more time, he was going to pull his hair out.

But so Eddie was bisexual. That was fine. Once he’d had his little crisis—and he’d been given plenty of time to think about it while recovering from being the main course at the all-you-can-eat Eddie Munson buffet—he’d done a little bit of research into the topic. Which was how he’d discovered that he had unintentionally been telling every gay man (if he came across any) that he apparently liked to top and was into inflicting pain with his sexual partners (suddenly the guy at The Hideout made more sense).

And…okay, maybe Eddie left the bandana there. He didn’t know, but the idea of it wasn’t too bad. Maybe. Maybe he should look into getting other bandana colors too, just in case.

It didn’t matter. He was still inexperienced, had only been with chicks before, and even then there had only been three of them. Two of them had only slept with him for the story, and the third one…well, everyone needed a little heartbreak in their life he supposed. Maybe he and Steve could compare notes.

The idea of sleeping with a guy, however, was not…unpleasant. It took him by surprise, sure, but he thought he could be down to trying some things out.

That wasn’t the issue on hand, however. It wasn’t what was eating him up inside, making him nauseous as he gnawed at his cuticles, pacing back and forth in the new double wide trailer the government had bought for them after Forest Hills was repaired. (R.I.P. to his uncle’s mug and hat collection.)

And there it was. The issue. His uncle.

Eddie could keep it a secret, sure. Could stay firmly inside the closet he hadn’t even known he’d been in, sitting safe and secret. But…that went against Eddie stood for. Sure, he knew he couldn’t shout it from the rooftop that he maybe sometimes thought about what it would feel like to have one of his best friends’ dicks in his mouth, but this was his uncle, man. This was Wayne.

Christ, he wished he had Ronnie, his former best friend, here to talk with her about all this. (He had also discovered another identity he hadn’t known about, asexuality, which he thought was right up Ronnie’s alley and wished he could tell her, but that was impossible now. She’d left Hawkins behind for a fresh start and he couldn’t blame her.)

But that meant that he was all alone. He loved the new friends he had, loved his band, but…well, this was something a little more complicated. And he wanted to tell his uncle. But…

Eddie gulped, every crunch of gravel outside the trailer sending an electric current through him as his anxiety spiked. His uncle should be home from work soon. Eddie paced a small circuit, knowing he needed a cigarette but also not wanting to go outside. His uncle had declared the new trailer a smoke-free zone. He doubted it would remain that way after this conversation.

He’d like to think his uncle would be supportive. After all, this was Wayne. His uncle loved him, had been there for him even when his own father hadn’t, and had stood by his side even when the whole town thought he was some psycho satanic serial killer. Hell, Wayne had walked in to Chrissy’s mangled corpse in his trailer and hadn’t once suspected Eddie of being guilty.

But having a queer for a nephew?

His uncle was progressive, but that didn’t mean he’d feel as complacent about his nephew being…what he was. His uncle had taken him in after he’d already grown and never expected him to help with the rent money, though Eddie did anyways with the money he got from dealing. But so Eddie was an adult, had a GED to his name, and didn’t need his uncle’s charity anymore.

Gravel crunched outside, the familiar sound of a truck engine rumbling along, and Eddie knew his uncle was home. Fuck. He hoped he didn’t leave this encounter with a black eye. Or worse. Hell, there were some people in this town that if he told this secret to, he wouldn’t leave the encounter at all. Not alive at least.

He knows his uncle isn’t like they though. He knows. Still, the fear persists. He’d always known he’d be too much for his uncle eventually. Would this be the final straw?

Wayne’s footsteps sounded on the porch.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

Eddie had, in case he had to leave quickly, already packed a duffel. He wanted to trust his uncle, and he did, really, but…but there was that sickness going around, and Reagan, and Hawkins was such a conservative town, and Eddie just couldn’t know, not for certain. Not with something like this.

“Heya kid,” Wayne said with a gruffness to his voice that spoke of long hours at the plant, though there was the small relieved smile that curled his lips when he got home and saw Eddie there. Like Eddie’s presence was a reassurance now. Eddie hated that he was about to ruin that all.

Because sure, there was a possibility that Wayne would accept him, or at least not kick him out, but Eddie had seen too much shit to think that things would ever be easy for him. It was the Munson Curse.

“Hey Uncle Wayne,” Eddie said, and maybe it was the title, maybe it was the way his words warbled in his throat, but Wayne immediately stopped from where he was moving to pour the morning’s coffee into a generic mug and turned to face Eddie with a furrowed expression.

“Everything all right, Eds?” he asked quietly, hesitantly, and took a large stride over to where Eddie was hovering by the coffee table. He froze, however, eyes widening, when Eddie flinched. Wayne swallowed, his gaze darting over Eddie as though looking for an injury. “Eddie?”

He could do this. His uncle deserved to know he had a fucking fairy living under his roof. Maybe he wouldn’t care, or maybe he’d be fine with it as long as Eddie never acted on it, or maybe…maybe…

Eddie thickly swallowed against the rising burn of bile in the back of his throat. He wanted his uncle to know because this was a part of who he was and it was important to be honest with himself and with his only family member still alive that genuinely loved him, just…he hoped he didn’t lose that love with his confession. But he wanted Wayne to know. Even if it hurt.

“U-Uncle…” Eddie wrapped his arms tightly around himself, his tone almost pleading. He blinked back the burn behind his eyes next, willing the words to come out of his mouth. As soon as he’d fully realized the truth, fully known what it meant, he knew that he’d tell Wayne. No matter what, he wanted his uncle to know this about him.

Wayne’s face grew slightly panicked at Eddie’s response, the way he held himself, the tone of his voice, and Eddie could tell the older man wanted to reach out for him but was taken aback by Eddie’s earlier flinch. Christ, would Wayne still want to hug him after this? Touch him? Be in the same room as him? Breathe the same air?

Would he tell Eddie that Alan Munson had been right all these years when he’d continually abandoned Eddie because he’d somehow known his own son wasn’t worth sticking around for?

Wayne took another step closer and Eddie panicked.

“I’m bi!” he exclaimed suddenly, wincing as he withdrew into himself, squeezing his eyes shut as he subconsciously braced for some sort of physical attack. “I’m bisexual,” he whispered, his words shaking.

There was silence, stillness.

Eddie drew in a shaky breath and risked opening his eyes to look at Wayne, expecting disgust, revulsion, perhaps even anger. Instead, all he got was…confusion?

“What?” Wayne asked, his expression full of his lack of understanding what Eddie had just said.

Eddie swallowed again. “I…I’m bi? I like…both girls and boys,” he clarified carefully, though there was a touch of confusion in his own words, his brows furrowing as they only seemed to stump Wayne further. Eddie frowned, figuring he was as clear as could be.

“Did…” Wayne began frowning a little himself, still looking confused. “Okay? But you’re lookin’ like you wanted t’ tell me somethin’.”

Eddie blinked.

“I’m bi,” he repeated pointedly, his arms dropping to his side.

Wayne rolled his eyes to look at the ceiling for a moment in mild exasperation before looking at Eddie again. “Son, did someone say somethin’ ‘bout it?” His lips twisted into a small scowl. “Did that Harrington boy say anything?”

“What? Jesus, no!” Eddie exclaimed, because why the hell was his uncle bringing up Steve when he’d just come out to him? His insides still warmed at being called ‘son,’ however. “Wayne I’m…I…” The panic started up again despite everything and he swallowed nervously. “I like boys, Wayne. I’m a queer.”

Wayne just blinked at him, his scowl turning once more into a confused frown. “Why do you keep saying that?”

“Because it’s the truth!” Eddie exploded, not having expected his uncle to think he was making it up or lying. Jesus, and what a thing to lie about.

“Obviously,” Wayne snorted in answer, crossing his arms over his chest as he let his gaze roam over Eddie as if looking for an answer. “But I need to know what this prelude is for.”

Eddie felt lost. He stared at his uncle in confusion, his earlier fear and anxiety slowly draining away as he tried to make sense of what was happening. His uncle sounded…sounded like he already…

“You knew?” he asked, voice soft and fragile.

Wayne’s brows lowered, and Eddie felt a little offended that Wayne was looking at him like he was an idiot. “Eddie…I’ve known since you were twelve years old and told me you thought Big Bill Broonzy was pretty after lookin’ through your mom’s old records with the biggest blush on your face.”

Eddie gaped. He vaguely recalled something like that, but that wasn’t…he hadn’t…Jesus fucking H. Christ.

“And you didn’t tell me?” Eddie huffed in sudden annoyance.

“I thought you knew!” Wayne protested, throwing his hands up and looking like he was losing what this conversation was even about. “Wait, you mean to tell me that you’ve been makin’ moonin’ eyes at the Harrington boy and you didn’t even know you liked him?”

Eddie’s blush now could rival any he made when he was twelve. He stuttered, gaped, and dragged a whole handful of hair to cover his face in his embarrassment. “I know that,” he whined. “God, have I have been that obvious?”

Wayne snorted, rolling his eyes as he moved to finish pouring himself that cup of coffee. “Had me worried he finally said somethin’,” he muttered to himself. He turned to point the plain white mug at Eddie. “If he or any of the others do, you let me know, Edster, you got that?”

Eddie softly groaned, burying his face in his hands next as he stumbled back to drop onto the sofa. No wonder Robin had started giving him those looks. He gulped. And…and Steve. Steve had been smiling at him more often, was…was lightly touching him with lingering fingers, had even used that voice on him that he’d use on the pretty girls that stopped by Family Video…

Steve hadn’t been using that voice on any pretty girls that stopped by Family Video recently.

Gulping, realizing that that was not something he had the ability to think about right now, he focused on the truly important thing. He lifted his head to stare at his uncle with wide, shining eyes, his heart fluttering so madly in his ribcage he’d almost thought he’d trapped a bird in there. He licked his lips, eyeing his uncle with wary hope.

“You…you don’t mind?” he asked, needing to clarify, needing to know. “You don’t mind I like boys too?”

Wayne snorted, reaching for another mug and pouring it half full, leaving enough space for him to pour a godawful amount of sugar and a splash of milk in it, just like his nephew liked it, before taking it over to Eddie. He sat down on the sofa next to him, hanging it over. Eddie was grateful for it, even if it was room temperature now.

“Son, I know you ain’t lived here with me long, and I know your father…well, Al’s always had his faults. But we’re family, kid. I’ve loved you since the moment Elizabeth told me she was pregnant with you. Nothing is ever gonna change that, you hear?” He sniffed, taking a sip of his coffee. “‘Sides, ain’t nothin’ wrong with love. You just got lucky, and your chances for love have doubled now.”

Eddie glanced over at his uncle with a shy smile, relief and affection for the older man coursing through him. He cradled his own mug between his hands, drawing in a shaky breath. Wayne knew. Wayne knew and he still loved him. A small, tearful chuckle escaped him and he hastily wiped away one of the tears that fell down his cheek.

“Eddie…” Wayne sighed, sounding regretful as he set his mug on the coffee table and turned to properly face his nephew. “I am deeply sorry if I have ever made you feel like I wouldn’t accept you, like my love for you was conditional.”

Eddie hastily shook his head, setting his own mug down to mirror Wayne’s position, curling one knee halfway on the couch. “You didn’t,” he reassured. “You didn’t, I just…I…” He felt bad now for doubting Wayne. For packing a bag like he was going to get tossed out at any moment. For thinking even just for a second that his uncle would ever hit him.

Wayne studied Eddie’s face before letting out a soft sigh and a small nod. “I understand. It’s not safe out there right now, especially not with everything.” And Wayne didn’t even know everything. He couldn’t, not with all the papers Eddie’d been forced to sign while being patched up after everything. But he knew that he didn’t know, so there was at least that.

“I shouldn’t have doubted you,” Eddie murmured. “I trust you, Wayne. That’s why I wanted you to know. As soon as I was sure, I wanted you to know.” He huffed. “Meanwhile, you knew before even I did.”

Wayne grinned then, reaching out to clap Eddie on the shoulder, making the younger man grin back. “Here I thought it was just some unspoken understanding between us. Guess I know why you always seemed confused when I bought more mugs with rainbows on them.”

“Oh my god,” Eddie moaned, slapping a hand to his face. “I am such an idiot.”

Throwing his head back with a laugh, Wayne relaxed against the sofa, making Eddie chuckle and do the same. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, boy. Just know that you’re safe here, and so is whoever you bring around.” He huffed. “Even if it is the Harrington boy.”

Eddie quickly shook his head again, his hair fanning around him at the force of it, a nervous laugh escaping him. “Oh no, Wayne. Absolutely not. Steve is as straight as they come.” He smiled a little ruefully at that, and though Steve had been smiling at him like that, it was just because they were friends. Expecting anything else would just lead to more heartbreak.

Wayne gave him a disbelieving quirk of his brows. “Whatever you say, kid.”

Eddie rolled his eyes in response. “You thought he had said something homophobic earlier.”

Reaching for his mug, Wayne gave a one shouldered shrug. “Wouldn’t be the first time someone projected anger at themselves outwards.” He eyed Eddie. “They good to you though? Your friends. You feel…safe with them?”

Eddie thought about that. He trusted them, with his life actually, and not just in the figurative way. They’d proven that they’d save him, time and again. He even had his very own brand new walkie-talkie and call sign to show for it. He was part of something bigger now, something real, which was just what he had always wanted. Even if it was all over, their little group was a forever sort of thing.

Smiling, Eddie nodded. “Yeah, I think so.” He glanced over at Wayne with a soft look. “But no matter what, I know have you to back me up so…yeah, I feel safe because I know at the end of the day, I won’t be alone.” He had needed to tell Wayne first, but maybe…maybe he could tell the others too. Eventually.

Wayne gave a short nod. He seemed content with that answer. “Just remember to use protection when you bring your boy over.”

“Wayne!” Eddie screeched scandalized, but his uncle only laughed.

Of course, it still took several months to get there, but when Wayne came home early one day to find Eddie and Steve shirtless and making out on the sofa, all Eddie could do was give his uncle a sheepish smile.

When the next day Wayne came home and chucked a new pack of condoms at his head, Eddie just gave another scandalized screech while Steve, once again next to him, flushed a bright cherry tomato red.

They’d use them, of course, but it was the principle of the matter.

[batri-jopa]

being asexual is a really weird experience because most of the time you feel sort of normal, like there isn't even anything different about you, but then you're randomly hit with the realization that there is essentially an entire part of most people's regular everyday lives that you're missing out on. it doesn't make me sad or anything, it's actually kind of cool. it makes me feel like i'm some sort of spy who gets to analyze "normal human behaviour" without taking part in it. people are fascinating.