#from 30 years ago

[unearthly-melon]

It’s time for green

[roseworth]

dc tumblr is so funny bc i can make a post complaining about something in fanon and someone with a wfa pfp will reply and say "actually this is canon, see!" and then post screenshots from a new 52 book that they probably havent actually read

[vimbry]

not what he says

they might be giants member, of which there were 2 at the time, and they both share the same name come on now

[suntails]

tfw octavinelle students get to wear a suit but ur dorm uniform needs an instruction manual

[nevertheless-moving]

unable to stop dwelling on the discworld trouser leg of time where, in the penultimate fight scene in Nightwatch, Carcer manages to kill teenage Sam Vimes.

Which means that the future that Duke Vimes came from can no longer exist, which means he can’t go home. Meanwhile you’ve got a bunch of history monks with stored up temporal energy, a prepared space outside of time, and the need to do some desperate damage control before the Auditors get involved. Death shows up, reality is unweaving, Sam is reading Carcer his discworld miranda rights because what else is he supposed to do.

and finally, with little other option, the monks de-age Sam so he fits the time period and send him back out into the fray.

(they didn't call it deageing of course. His memory is hazy, splintered during that terrible in between moment, They....took the time out of him? Sanded away the edges of his self for a terrible, workable fit? It...wasn't a good feeling.)

Just—damn. Sam Vimes having to live his whole crapsack life over again, but this time as his disillusioned-reillusioned, unwillingly-character-developed, noir-epic, Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes self. 

Younger (Older? He's never felt so Old, His steps so Childlike, reality twisting in his gut like one of Dibbler's pies) Sam Vimes walking around in a haze after the revolution. Desperate to go home, knowing he can’t. Wanting to drink. Knowing he can’t.

The whole precinct feels pity, he really took Keel’s death hard, hardly speaks except to do his job. Eventually he has to grit his teeth and start being present, because what else is there to do?

Resists the urge to drink until Colon takes the whole watch out to celebrate because -he’s going to be a father!

Come on Sammy, one drink won’t kill you— and after the first drink he’s cracking jokes and after the second hes smiling and after the third hes honestly the life of the party and sometime after that he’s crying about how he was going to be a father and my wife would be ashamed if she saw me drinking like this and— 

Oh shit, Did anyone else know he had a wife?? A PREGNANT wife??? What—aren’t you like 12—no you're 17 now aren't you but when did—

You guys n’ver met ’er—oh gods none if you ev’n know ‘er, is jus’ me...

What—when did you lose—

I lost her the same damn day I los’ ev’rythin else, whadya think...bleeding Carcer...the fuckin revolution...

So! That! Sam only vaguely remembers the night, but rumors travel faster than light on the disc, so by the next day the whole damn city knows about poor Sam brung low by the loss of his poor, tragic, pregnant wife, so young to be a widower, and the Seamstresses nod because they already knew, don’t ask them how, somethings you just have to know in that trade.

And his mother—I don’t know, sue me, I’m a time travel fiend but there’s something deeply intriguing about a man meeting his dead parent, who is somewhat younger than him, and stepping into the old relationship like a badly fitting thing that's supposed to fit well. She would know, right? How would she deal with her son’s impossible grief? Maybe she wouldn’t know—he spent most of the time out of the house, running with different street gangs, maybe he avoids her until she dies and lives with the guilt twice over. God, we don’t even know her name. There’s just so much narrative and emotional potential that I don’t even know where to start.

When he’s on duty, which is most time - it’s agonizing because at first he remembers cases, saves lives that would have been lost. But the more time passes, the hazier his memory because in the original timeline he was becoming an alcoholic. Fuck! A kid dies and he could have saved her if he hadn’t been such a drunk, if he had just remembered where the asshole lived, but it’s all a haze, and he wants to drown out his guilt, but that’s what caused this in the first place.

Good young Sammy, who spends his rare off-time in dusty libraries (and yes, the irony that he’s apparently Carrot now is not lost on him) reading gods-only-know.

It’s not like he can ask the wizards for help, cutthroat and vicious as they are now in the not-so-distant-past.

Good young Sam, who...talks to the Broken Drum’s pet Bouncer like he’s a real person and not a dumb rock? That’s a bit weird, but he’s a bit of a funny guy.

Good old Sam, who believed the testimony of the dwarf who said the humans were trying to rob him and let the dwarf go??

the PROBLEMS this man would cause, good grief. Can you imagine a moderately progressive middle aged man with some degree of begrudging diversity and equity training that he did, for all his sins, pay attention to, suddenly going back to like, 1990, going back just 30 years, and going...oh damn this is kind of fucked up, no man you can’t say that, holy shit.

Except Sam’s lived through even more rapidly shifting social moroes! There’s no seamstress guild, there’s no women allowed inside the university, there’s no black ribboner’s society. People hunted trolls for their teeth! But Sam can’t just unlearn everything, and he can’t shut up, and he has no real luck and anyway he would absolutely get himself (temporarily) fired.

FUCK. Sam has no idea what to do with that. None. Zero clue. Wanders around in a haze until that dwarf he saved from police brutality finds him and insists on repaying the debt. No, he insists, do you have any idea what debt means to a dwarf?

“Sort-of?” he replies hesitantly, and that honest admission of incomplete knowledge shows a hell of a lot more respect and understanding than any self proclaimed dwarf-expert ever did.

Gets a job as a surface man, hauling rocks into the city. It’s backbreaking work, but, in true Discworld fashion, it’s also one hell of a workout (again the irony of being Carrot is not lost him. he freezes for a minute while hauling a rock cart, when he remembers he's technically Lost Nobility too, in a strict sense, but someone curses at him in the street and he's comfortingly grounded)

And here is where this au slides into a SPECTACULAR romantic comedy, BEAR WITH ME. Because in his time on the Watch he’s already done noir, action adventure, war story, detective who dunnit, psychological horror, but guards guards only allowed him to be a romance protagonist in an extremely limited context.

Give me righteous, twenty-something-looking, can’t-say-he-doesn’t-have-style, young Sam Vimes, not an alcoholic,  being fed three square meals a day by his dwarven forced found family, hauling rocks. He is startled to find him bumping his head on a low hanging bar that he doesn’t think used to be there, eventually realizing that he’s an inch or two taller than he remembers. Huh. Guess all that bearhuggers really did stunt his growth.

Still doesn’t get what some of the looks from women he’s getting are about, sure, he’s dirty but so is everyone else. Fine, he took his shirt off, but it’s hot out, there’s far wrinklier than him hauling heavy loads, get a life. 

Happens to glance in the Ankh one day when it’s particularly slow and shiny and is startled to realize that he might be turning heads for a different reason. Oh. Right, not that he was ever a heartbreaker, but he did alright for himself... when he was a younger and his face hadn’t been broken so many times. Which...it isn't now.

Is mildly disturbed by the revelation.

Especially once things blow over at the precinct and what with high mortality rates, he ends up with getting hired again. The boys are delighted to have him back, nevermind that he’s an odd one, noone is ever quite in your corner like Vimsey, absence makes the heart fonder, no one else works that hard, and he’s not even competition for promotion. All around great guy, we should set him up with somebody and just, no.

It just keeps getting worse! He’s literate! He’s a feminist! He believes abuse victims! He’s got a tragic backstory! He’s unreasonably good in a fistfight! He’s kind to animals! Word gets around that there’s a good man on the watch and he’s just waiting for a good woman to come snap him up. The widower excuse doesn’t hold people off completely, and for some it’s its own sort-of appeal. 

Things REALLY become stressful after he rescues that carriage full of noblewoman.

What’s he supposed to do? Let them get robbed? Or worse? Chasing down and beating up 10 goons is as easy as beating up one, when they’re that stupid, getting separated like that, drunk and distracted, and he knows these streets better than anyone, really it’s nothing. And oh lord he’s Modest too.

I mean, they were genuinely greatful, as genuine as people like that are capable of being, the skill having grown rusty. And then there is something...magnetic about the man. An air of command.

So, soon enough you get Lady Marigold of Marigrave calling on Treckle Road for that gallant young officer who rescued them, she really needs to thank him. And Viscountess Elanor Thitzferal specifically requesting that he guard her at her next soiree. And Baroness Julieta van Shoeholten insisting that he come to her home while her husband’s away, for... manly protection.

Aaaah just zero sympathy from the guys. None. 'It’s become a competition, they’re just trying to see who can get me into bed first, it’s like I’m a piece of meat, you can’t send me sir, the Marquess greeted me in a nightee last time you made me go to—' and 'small gods Vimes are you even listening to yourself, shut the hell up'.

Simultaneous to this, (again this is several years into the timeline) swamp dragon accessories come into style. Which means abandoned swamp dragons scrounging on the street. Vimes takes one back to his apartment, blows his paycheck on dragon medicine, and eventually, heart in his chest, brings it to the Ramkin estate. The sunshine orphanage doesn’t even exist yet and he’s just standing outside the gates like an idiot, what is he thinking. Turns around, but her carriage is pulling up and—

well. they meet. it's cute. he's never felt so young. he's never felt so old, too old for her, too poor—

and certainly her thoughts linger too long on the awkward, kindly, handsome young commoner, but is it any wonder she doesn't quite connect it to the stern, dangerous, sexy young guard the ladies seem to be in some quiet, cuthroat competition over?

i have this gorgeous, absurd scene in my head in which Vimes is strong armed into standing guard at some high society soiree and one of the pushiest ladies insists he dance with here, or, if he prefers, if he's not confident about his skills, he can dance with her in-private at her home and he’s like [grinding teeth, looking for a way out, seeinf one] “I would be honored to dance with you.”

Steps right into some ultra-complex dance with multiple partner swaps (she never thought he'd pick this one, devilishly intimidating to one not strictly trained, and you barely spend anytime with your first partner).

But he does alright. Better than alright, for a common man, sometimes misstepping but his hands and feet always end up where they need to be. Raises several eyebrows part way into the song because he's throuwing in some slightly scandalous, no innovative, extra lifts and twirls that wouldn't become fashionable for another decade or two. Who even is that guy? Some out of towner? No, no he's in a guards uniform...how very strange.

Gets to Sybll and she's used to embarrassment during these dances, she tries to get out of them when she can... but can't always. Men awkwardly skipping the lifts, or worse, trying and failing. But him — oh it's him, the one who helped little Erold, and looked at her like—like—well like she was someone beautiful. And he's doing it again, and he's strong and there's a quiet moment where she's in the air, they lock eyes, and the rest of the room melts away.

And then the partners change again, the moment ended.

Just...living throught it all again. To the left, a dance he almost knows the steps to, throwing others off balance with erratic moves , honest mistakes, and delibrate stepping on toes. Improvising. Ruining. Improving. Getting far, far too much attention.

Hes almost excited when the first assassains start coming after him. It's like a hobby.

Everyone tells him he should get a hobby.

Interactions with young vetinari...I don't have the energy to write it all down, the slow circling in on each other, both burning with the need to fix the city, save it, their city.

needless to say he ends up fired again, life under real threat after offending some high lord.

Conveniently enough he has an employment opportunity- bodyguard to fucking Vetinari on his 'grand sneer.' The bastard knows vimes isn't what he seems, though sam is pretty sure that he doesnt know the exacts.

Vetinari hypothesis:(the ghost of keel? Keels son, with some hereditary curse? Or a larger spirit of justice possessing a string of unrelated souls? He knows things he shouldn't- mind reader? Fortune teller? Havelock once arranged for a wizard to bump into him on the street, the magical fool gave an odd double look and then muttered something about destiny looping in on itself giving him a headache. Destiny? Lost noble? And hes far too familiar with sybyl, one of the few bearable noblewomen in this city. And his thoughts on guilds, when havelock can trip him into speaking... Most of all, if hes reading him at all correctly (for all the mystery hes not that hard to read, unless thats a very clever cover) then it seems that behind those dark haunted eyes is Respect. Loyalty. For vetinari. What an interesting man. A puzzling asset. An intriguing threat. )

Did I mention the timeline is changing, healing slowly around the place where it was torn? Healing enough around scars to perhaps get some flexibility back, with some painful stretches and...massaging of said scar tissue?

And hes heading to unresting uberwald, a place where a werewolf pack still hunts humans and, truely unrelated but perhaps equally exhausting, an eldritch spirit of vengeance just might be looking to stretch its legs in a hapless vessel?

Opening drabble Vimes Vetinari Meta (Unwell) Scene from the Uberwald Grand Sneer

[stubz]

Tuk didn't like this. She didn't like having to carry the tank and mask, didn't like being on the ship, and certainly didn't like this coal-ition.

But they could help Mom and Dad get rid of the RDA and they were healing Neteyam so she was trying not to whine. Well not too much.

It made her feel a little better that Loak and Kiri didn't like this place either. Spider was still deciding.

Right now they on a tour of the ship, their guide looked like a fluffy Prolemuris, or as Dad called them, a monkey. It was boring.

Only the others found it cool and that's cause Spider can breathe and all the new creatures they saw and the science thingy's.

So when Tuk heard the sound of kids laughing around the corner she followed it.

Down a large hallway she saw a giant door with a huge sign that said something care something. She wasn't really paying attention when Dad and uncle Norm tried teaching her how to read.

Looking back and seeing that the others were too busy to stop her she walked in.

Inside was a giant room filled with kids, tables, stuff, more stuff and toys.

"Hi, are you new here?" she looked down and saw another creature that looked like their guide, a tiny fluffy monkey thing.

"Uhh yeah. What is this place?"

"This is the youngling centre. It's where we stay until our parents can take us home. I'm Marl."

"Tuk."

"...what are you?"

"Huh?"

"What are you? I've never seen anyone so tall, or blue."

"Uh a Na'vi. ..what are you?"

"I'm a Ursa." for a moment they stared at each other. As most children do when seeing something/someone new.

"Put your foot in for freeze tag!"

"Ooo freeze tag! Come on lets go play!"

"What's freeze tag?"

"It's a new game we just learned. Its easy." The little Ursa grabbed Tuk's tail using it as a leash to pull her along.

.

Freeze tag was Tuk's new favorite game. She loved running and there was lots of running and even if she got caught she could get out if someone unfreezed her.

The books were also fun. Marl read to her and let her hold the book. She liked the one's by Robert Munch, she also liked his funny name.

There were lots of other things to do too. There was a climbing area with fake tree tops and lots of ropes to swing on. In the back there was a shallow pool to swim in, it was fun but she didn't like having to dry off with the scratchy towels.

There were was blocks that stuck together which made building easier. Tons of markers, crayons, and paint that was hard to get back at home. They even got lunch.

"Okay kids you know the rules, grab a plate a drink and find a spot to sit."

"Teacher Max we need a chair for Tuk!"

"One chair coming right up...wait who?"

"Tuk. She's new."

It was at this moment Tuk realized she hadn't noticed the two adults in charge here. And it was at this moment that said adults realized they had one more child than usual.

"Oh hey, nice to meet you. Tuk was it," she nodded. "I'm Max and that's Kim. We're the teachers here."

Of all the new creatures and beings Tuk's seen so far it was only now that she was nervous. Humans had that effect on her. Not all humans, Spider definitely never made her nervous, but new ones did.

She knew her Dad used to be one, loved and liked uncle Norm and all the human scientists her family knew. But ever since what happened to Neteyam and their home, both the old one and new one, she was a little nervous.

"Do you like it here so far?" Luckily for her Max had noticed her nerves and knelt down to give her the advantage of height and to look her in the eyes.

She nodded.

"Well that's good. What do you like so far?"

"...the games...and drawing stuff and the food, it's good." he laughed.

"Well thank you, it's a family recipe. And I'm sure Kim will be happy to hear that you like the games she's taught the kids."

With that he gave her a chair and left her to finish her meal with Marl.

..

"Hi Tuk, I'm Kim."

"...hi."

"I noticed that your really tall. How old are you? 20?"

"No? I'm only 7." she smiled.

"What?? No way. You're almost as tall as me!"

"Actually Teacher, I think she's taller than you."

"No!"

"Tuk Tuk, stand up! Let's see!"

She got up and true enough she was taller than the adult by 2 inches.

"Holy...I didn't actually think you'd be taller than me." Kim had seen tall kids before but never had she met a kid taller than her this young.

The children laughed cheering that finally someone was taller than their shortest teacher. Tuk couldn't help but join in, standing on her tippy toes to make her even taller.

"Okay, okay that's enough. Calm down. Now, Tuk, since your so tall do you think you could help me with something?" Tuk hesitated but nodded.

Kim lead her to a tall bookshelf that had a doll stuck ontop of it.

"This has been stuck there for the whole day and we can't get it since the bookshelf can't be climbed and the ladder is broken. So what I'm thinking is you get on my shoulders and grab it. Sound good?"

"I get on your shoulders?"

"You don't have to if your scared of heights, I can ask one of the other kids or just wait."

"I'm not scared of heights," she pouted. "I just don't think you can carry me. I'm big and your small."

"Oh really?" and before Tuk could say anything she was tossed over Kim's shoulder.

"Still think I'm too small!" the blue child shrieked with laughter until she was put down and together the two got the doll down.

...

"What do you think the emergency is about?"

"Maybe Smelv burnt dinner again."

"Nah I don't think so. Captain look a little too tense for a simple fire alarm."

"So I called all of you here because we have a missing child. She was last seen on a tour of the ship with her siblings. Her name is Tuk and she is a Na'vi; tall, tail, blue, bi-pedal." he brings up a hologram of her from the security footage.

"...JAMES CAMERON WAS RIGHT?!"

"...shit I knew we weren't expecting another kid."

....

"Dad! Dad! Can I go to school here?"

"Your grounded. As are all of you." he added looking at his older kids. Plus Spider.

"Aww, Kim, Max, can I go to school here?"

"...uh Tuk, I think that's a question for another day..." preferably when your mom isn't about to bite my head off thought Kim.

"Yeah definitely. Definitely not the best time right now." Max was sweating bullets trying not make eye-contact with the Captain who was very not subtlety growling at him.

'We fucked up.' they both thought.

[iloveyoublue]

looks at ur canon: wow that’s a lot of words bro. too bad i’m not reading them

[avocado62524]

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 192

a break from artfight for some good news! i have finally scheduled a surgical consult to have my enemy (read: uterus) removed. this is a bit of a scarier prospect than my breast reduction was, but i think it will be an equally impactful quality of life improvement when all is said and done!!

anyway those of yall who have been here since the beginning may remember me posting through that whole process so i figure why stop now.

[blueskittlesart]

Since you're asking for requests... Maybe Ran from Case Closed?

YEAHHHH if no one else got me i know my one follower who likes the same bad japanese detective show as me got me ‼️

[howtodisappearcompletelyand]

20/10 stars little guy

[reverendazmx]

self portrait

[elmoshipsbyler]

mike would daydream about kissing will, and stare at his lips and stuff, and still manage to convince himself it’s platonic

because, “well i’m not thinking about kissing will, i’m just thinking about kissing, and will’s face is just a placeholder until i find someone else i want to kiss”

and he would see no issue with that statement

“it’s not gay, i’m just thinking about it as a concept. no, i wouldn’t wanna kiss anyone other than will, because i haven’t found anyone yet. that’s the whole point of a placeholder”

[naamahdarling]

In May I decided to do every single one of my puzzles in a row, no particular order, just go through and do every single one once. I think I have around 200, with half boxed to eventually give away.

So far I've done 41 puzzles of them and I'm curious to see if I will get to 100 before New Year's. I don't think I'll quite make it, the kittens slow me down a lot and I'm not rushing, but if I had started in January I definitely could, so next year should be interesting.

Puzzle is Remington the Horticulturist by Charles Wysocki, 1000 pieces, Buffalo Puzzles.

About a quarter of my collection is nothing but cat puzzles. I'm sure that will shock you.

[stairset]

I think the portrayal of Spider-Man 2099 in Across the Spider-Verse is in-character in that aside from like Shattered Dimensions he's always been portrayed as a bit of an asshole who slips into anti-hero territory at times and generally has a "needs of the many over the needs of the few" mindset and given his specific circumstances in the movie it's not unreasonable to think he could take the actions he does. However it does kinda suck that since like 99% of moviegoers had no idea who he was before the movie came out their first impression of him is when he's in an antagonistic role and people think "antagonist" and "villain" are synonyms so now I'm gonna have to listen to people who've never read a comic saying he's a villain or isn't a real Spider-Man for the rest of time or at least until he inevitably changes his mind in the third one.

[blortch]

You've probably answered a question like that before but what would you say was your favorite episode of each of the rlm "shows" (for lack of a better word) if you had to pick one from each? Interpret "favorite" however you want

I actually haven't gotten an ask of this sort before! The closest I can think of was when I ranked the Halloween BOTW sets. I know you prob meant like HITB, BOTW and Re:View but like I'm gonna go a bit more extensive and include other small series they have. I'm gonna leave out anything Spitballs bc idc and anything Plinkett-related bc in the 100 years I've been watching them I skimmed through like the first part of the phantom menace review and Nothing Else.

Going to start with Re:View bc it's fuckin' easy. It's Obviously the FWWM Re:View. It's what got me into Twin Peaks, and it means a lot to me. In hindsight Jay's kinda off with some of his takes (nothing Bad, just a different perspective as a massive Donnie Darko fan and projecting too much of that dynamic into the movie):

BOTW-wise this might be a super normie pick but like it's a good BOTW for a reason. Best of the Worst: Wheel of the Worst #16. Jackpots guy followed by Surviving Edged Weapons was too great. You can kinda see that They themselves Knew this was going to be a BOTW Classic because when Mike tells Jay to talk about the tape he's Legitimately Nervous over Talking about it. ("Oh man...this is a lot of pressure...I don't know if I can do this..."):

For HITB...I'm sorry but this one's going to be a complete cop-out, (but hey at least I didn't choose the Death Cure HITB...) it's Half in the Bag Episode 138: 2017 Movie Catch-up (part 2 of 2). When I think of what I want from them review-wise it's honestly like... pointed discussions about a movie or show and this delivers exactly that. Whenever they go a little too deep they often dig themselves into a grave of either caring about something too small and inane or something they think is funny but isn't at all (cough Mike's tangents cough) so honestly letting them talk for only a few minutes tops about a movie is the absolute sweet spot. The reviews where the entire discussion is good are rare imo:

Of __ and __ Talk About I wanna say... probably Rich and Jay talk about the Boys? Just because it's the only show/movie I gave a fuck about among this series? I don't get what Rich sees in Garth Ennis' work specifically bc he's kind of a suckass but the show itself was interesting to find out more about regardless through them:

Of Nerd Crew I have to go for The Nerd Crew: Episode 2, the bit with the nerd box+geek crate was fucking hilarious. Not to mention the ending where Rich knocks over the cameras... I imagine Mike prepared the Nerd Box and Jay the Geek Crate? Just because Mike seemed to comment a lot more on the nerd box' contents (Rich said too that the knock-off Rey figure inside it was his doing) and seemed bewildered by the geek crate while Jay laughed nervously at everything Rich took out of it. Jay's such an asshole for making poor Rich gag uncontrollably with those sliced up sausages if so 😭:

ig by now they've put together enough Mini Docs to have a playlist for them so I'll pick one out of those too - I have to go for We Finally Watched Nukie: The VHS Grading Video just because the fact that it lead up for years from them collecting all those Nukies to joking about donating to charity in their trivia video, their tape destructions etc...And the entire video is just legitimately well-put together:

Talking about Trivia...of those videos I like the first one (Star Trek Trivia Showdown: Mike vs Jay (Episode 1 of 2,873)) the best just because it tortured Jay specifically. That's it that's the entire reason I shan't pretend otherwise. He was flustered throughout its entirety and also seemed smitten by the suggestion in the patreon bts of it to be compensated with a Twin Peaks trivia after:

From the Dudebros I have to go for Dudebros Episode 3 - The Dinner Surprise, ig out of all of them it was on the meatier (no pun intended) side (unlike Too Glose for Comfort) and the choices in this one are the most bizarre out of all I think...I'd like to have been a fly on the wall as they decided that Nate should cum in his pants over watching Tommy and Ronnie eat:

I'm not gonna name a season from the Grabowskis I think it would be too cheap for me to not pick a specific episode so I'll go for the third season episode where Honey gets chosen as the Face of the company Wings and Things and Cliff thinks she's gonna leave him. The whole ep makes me think that they cared a lot about the show at some point, or at least enough to make a cute little pigeon trap prop:

Out of their horrible, horrible 48 hour film projects (Das Foot, The Great Space Jam, the Western Ore Musical) I'm gonna have to go for The Western Ore Musical... just bc it was like... something as opposed to Nothing... Das Foot is very Jay I think and respectively The Great Space Jam is very Mike which makes them both super embarrassing and unwatchable:

ty for the ask! t'was fun to put together B]