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chvoswxtch · 2 years ago

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lavender haze (dark mode)

pairing: frank castle x fem!reader

summary: frank castle never imagined he would ever fall in love again, and he certainly never imagined love could feel like this.

warnings: cursing, mentions of alcohol, mentions of violence, mentions of sexual content (minors pls dni), mentions of pregnancy, a lil angst

word count: 8.6k

a/n: your eyes do not deceive you, this is a repost! the first time I posted this, there was some kind of glitch that changed the color of the text which made it impossible to read on dark mode. I was unable to fix it, and i've been waiting for that glitch to be fixed. it hasn't happened with any of my, or anyone else's posts lately, so it seemed like the right time to repost this for anyone that wasn't able to read it the first time because of the dark mode issue. I truly appreciate everyone being so patient, and even reaching out to me about reposting because you wanted to be able to read it. that makes my lil heart so happy, you have no idea. as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!

tags: @hellskitchens-whore

Staring at the ceiling with you

Oh, you don’t ever say too much

And you don’t really read into

My melancholia

Frank didn’t know how you did it. You always seemed to just…know. You knew when he felt like talking. You knew when he didn’t. You knew when he wanted to listen to you talk about your day. You knew when he needed comfortable silence. You could tell when he wanted your touch, and when he needed to be left alone. You posed all of your questions meticulously with caution, always stopping an inch before the invisible boundary he had created. You didn’t take offense to his brooding moods that emerged from a detour into the past. You didn’t cover your ears at the silence that echoed when he got lost in the disconsolate caverns in his mind. You didn’t flinch at the scars you could touch, or the ones you could hear in his intermittent vulnerability. You seemed to understand him in a way no one ever had before. Sometimes Frank felt like you understood him more than he even did.

He gazed down at you as your eyes stayed fixated up at the ceiling. Today had been a bad day. He couldn’t remember if he had even asked if you were home before his fist was colliding with your front door, letting out a breath of relief he hadn't even noticed he was holding until your face came into focus. Did he even say hello to you? Did he utter anything at all? He couldn’t remember. Somehow the two of you had ended up on the floor by your record player, your head resting comfortably in his lap, as Elton John’s Rocket Man flowed through the speakers. He could hear you humming faintly as your eyes drifted closed for a moment, your palm delicately stretched out towards him in case he wanted to hold it, or simply letting him know you were there if he didn’t.

Music was how the two of you communicated sometimes. It was how you tried to relate to him when your own words weren’t enough. When he was quiet like this, your choices in music were more purposeful, to either let him know you understood some of what he felt, or to try to soothe the ache with what you knew he enjoyed. Sometimes Frank feared you really could read his mind, especially in moments like these when you seemed to know exactly what he needed without a single word. Even before he knew what he needed. He hated the thought of you being able to see into the carnage that occupied his skull. Of course he knew that was fucking ridiculous. He didn’t even know if you knew what you could do, and if you were aware, you never showed it.

Frank hadn’t had someone to run to in a long time. Someone he didn’t feel like a burden to in doing so. It had taken him longer than he’d like to admit to be comfortably exposed with you. Slowly but surely, he tore his own guard down brick by brick as you waited patiently. It wasn’t just that he didn’t want to be a liability for you, he was also nervous about just how much of himself he could reveal without running you off. Frank had managed to find you during yet another really low point in his life; a glimmer of light through all the darkness. He still remembers the day he met you in that bookstore. He often replays that memory in his head like an old comforting home movie.

You had complimented his choice in literature as he held a worn copy of The Great Gatsby in his hands, disclosing to him that it was one of your favorites. Frank was instantly captivated by you and your sweet smile. For a good ten minutes you stood there with him, discussing books you had both read, and recommending a few of your other favorites to him that you thought he would like based on his previous reads. It made him feel so…human. There was a warmth about you that made him shiver.

To this day, Frank still doesn’t know where he found the courage to ask you to coffee, and he still has absolutely no idea why you said yes. All he knew was that he loved you, and that seemed to be enough.

I’ve been under scrutiny

You handle it beautifully

All this shit is new to me

When news broke that the Punisher was back in New York, the media had a fucking field day. Frank knew he was at fault. He had been a little too reckless and not bothered to check for cameras at the warehouse. Madani was pissed. She was giving him an earful over the phone. She wasn’t on speaker, but Frank knew you could hear every word she was saying from your spot on the couch. Every news channel seemed to be debating on the alternating justifications on why Frank was a necessary anti-hero, or why he was a psychopathic murderer. After about three minutes, you simply just shut off the tv.

Frank wasn’t even hardly paying attention to Madani’s words. Hell he didn’t even fucking care what they were saying about him on the news. If he valued public opinion, he wouldn’t be who he was. His eyes kept glancing over at you. There was a neutral look on your face, but Frank wasn’t sure if that was for your sake or his. He desperately wanted to know what was going on in your head. He didn’t know what to say. You knew who Frank was when you met, and you had never given any indication that who he really was bothered you, but that did nothing to dull the anxiety throbbing in his veins.

This was all completely unchartered territory for him, and he was absolutely lost. He had never talked to Maria about the horrors he endured and committed during his tours. Frank had vowed to keep that part of his life separate from his family when he came home. But Maria had the luxury of his anonymity. You didn’t. You didn’t have the privilege of a soldier just following orders. The evidence of his brutality was plastered everywhere for you to see. It was no longer something unspoken the two of you pretended wasn’t lurking in the shadows. It was glaring you right in the face. Frank didn’t know how you would react, and if he was being honest with himself, he was fucking scared. He didn’t want to lose the one good thing he had found that made life worth living again. He didn’t want to lose you.

Frank cut Madani’s rampage off with the pad of his thumb, placed his phone on silent, and set it face down on the counter. He would deal with that later. This was more important.

“You were never s’posed to see any of this.”

Your head perked up when his gruff voice cut through the silence. There was a tender expression in your eyes, and your lips had pulled into a sympathetic smile.

“I know. Flaunting isn’t really your style. I’m sure this will all blow over in a couple days. Dinah will calm down eventually. It’s all going to be okay, Frank.”

The conviction in your voice had a lump forming in Frank’s throat. Despite everything, here you were trying to comfort him. Frank didn’t know what to do other than settle on his knees in front of you on the floor, head nestled against your stomach as his arms wrapped tightly around your body in silent begging.

“I’m so sorry ‘bout all this, sweetheart. I didn’t…I never wanted any of this shit to come back to you.”

“Frank, you have never lied to me about who you are, and I have never pretended to not know.”

“Doesn’t mean I ever wanted you to see this side of me. I could handle you knowin’. That’s one thing. But seein’…what I do…I don’t want you to change your mind…”

Frank’s voice trailed off. He couldn’t finish that sentence. He closed his eyes as he felt your fingers carding through his hair.

“Hey, look at me.”

Frank couldn’t. He was afraid of what he would see. The disgust at his actions, the regret in your choices, the recant of your affection. It wasn’t someone else’s bullets ripping away his happiness this time. It was his own. There would be no one else to blame for this. No one else’s blood would satiate this desperate vengeance. He would have to live with his own wrath and guilt. After a moment of silence, you gently cupped his strong jaw and lifted his chin to meet your warm gaze. Frank reluctantly met your eyes, but he didn’t find the repulsion he expected. All he found was acceptance.

“I love you, Frank Castle. I know exactly who you are. I don’t need anyone else to tell me. You are the man that makes me feel safe. You are the man who makes me feel special and loved. You are the man that risks his life over and over again to protect people. You are the man that brings me daisies when you know I’ve had a bad day. You are the man that twirls me around the kitchen when we’re cooking dinner together. I know you, and I love you. Every side of you. There is nothing you, or anyone else, could ever do or say that would change the way I see you, or the way I feel about you. I promise.”

Not even Frank’s own self inflicted loathing and contempt could combat your verity. He could hear the unrelenting sincerity dripping from your words as your lips brushed past his ear. He could see the genuine devotion reflected in your eyes when he held your gaze from underneath him. He could feel the profound adoration in the gentleness of your touch, holding his face in your hands as his hips found refuge between yours. He could taste the ardent desire on your lips over and over as he made love to you right there. He could even smell the sentiment of a silent promise made from the intermingling of both of your climaxes lingering in the aftermath of his display of gratitude.

Frank didn’t know what the future held for a man like him that had ventured through hell and back several times over and cheated death more times than he could count. But he had a second chance at life, and he wasn’t going to waste it. Not when he had found you. He already felt like he won the goddamn jackpot when you agreed to that first date, and he wasn’t sure how much luck he had left to really make this work. But as long as you wanted him around, he’d be damned if he wouldn’t find a way.

I feel a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want for me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

When was the last time he had felt this happy? This…light? Frank couldn’t remember. It had to have been during the early years of being married to Maria, before he started getting deeper into classified ops that held more and more pieces of him hostage with every completed mission. Before he started to feel anxious about going home because he wasn’t sure who he was there. Before he started preferring being covered in blood dodging bullets with his unit than being around his own kids.

All of that felt like another lifetime ago. Frank supposed it was, in a way. It was all a little hazy in the back of his mind sometimes. Whether that was from the tequila you had talked him into or the way your hips were swaying to the song filling the small space of the dive bar you two had become regulars at, he wasn’t sure. Could’ve been a bit of both. But as he watched you move from across the room, a playful grin on your lips as you beckoned him over with your index finger, everything else seemed to fade away.

God, you could dance. Frank was mesmerized the first time he saw the way you could move your hips. He had thoroughly enjoyed watching you from his seat at the bar, but that was nothing compared to watching you from below that night. Frank was drawn to you like a magnet, his feet moving before his brain even caught up. He grinned when you threw your arms around his neck, pulling him down for a dizzying kiss. Frank wrapped his arms around your waist as tightly as he could, sneaking one of his large hands up the back of your shirt to feel the warmth of the soft skin on your lower back. His hands found their way to your hips of their own accord, like they always did.

“Hey, big guy.”

“Hi darlin’.”

“You weren’t gonna come dance with me?”

“Just enjoyin’ the view, sweetheart. You know I like to watch.”

Frank reveled in the way your cheeks burned a deeper shade of red, doe eyes widening and lips parting slightly in surprise. You quickly recovered, a knowing smirk taking over your mouth as you pressed your chest against his.

“Well if you wanted a private show, all you had to do was ask.”

“That right?”

Frank dipped his head to brush his nose along the underside of your jaw, pressing a gentle kiss to the skin just below your ear before nipping at it just hard enough to earn a sharp gasp from you. He let one of his large hands trail down your lower back, giving your ass a playful smack before grabbing a handful of it and squeezing gently.

“Alright then, pretty girl. Let’s get outta here.”

There weren’t always nights like this where the two of you got to go out freely and just be a regular couple. But on the occasions where you did get a little normalcy, Frank wanted it to last forever. He didn’t even want to go to sleep those nights. He just wanted to stay in the moment with you, and milk it for all it was worth. The rare moments when he wasn’t The Punisher. He wasn’t the Marine. He wasn’t a widower that had fatherhood ripped away from him. He wasn’t weighed down by the weight of the world and another lifetime of trauma and loss.

He was just Frank, and he was just yours.

All they keep asking me

Is if I’m gonna be your bride

The only kind of girl they see

Is a one night or a wife

Curt and David had both been giving Frank hell about you. They continuously kept asking him when he was gonna “lock that shit down”. The first time he had brought you around them, they were both absolutely stunned that Frank had landed someone like you. Curt had jokingly offered to give you a head exam, and David had repeatedly asked how much Frank was paying you to pretend to be his girlfriend.

“No seriously, I lived with this asshole for several months. There’s no fucking way he landed someone like you, unless he’s paying you. Granted…he did try to steal my wife once, but that was under the guise of alcohol and desperation on her part. Is that it Frank? You just keep her drunk so she doesn’t fully see your face or recognize how much of a dick you are?”

“Oh for fucks sake Lieberman, for the last goddamn time I didn’t-sweetheart you know what, just ignore him. We all do anyway.”

“What I think D is tryin’ to say is that we think it’s great you’re so involved in charity. I mean, you’re doin’ a real public service here. We appreciate your sacrifice, truly. I ain’t seen this man smile this much in…years.”

“This is why I can’t fuckin’ take y’all anywhere, Jesus Christ.”

Despite the teasing, you had fit in effortlessly with them. Anyone passing by the table would’ve thought you had all been friends for years. There was no awkwardness or hesitation to acclimate, you had even dished back your own playful banter throughout the evening earning you eyebrows raised in surprise and prideful smirks from Frank.

“Y’all keep fuckin’ with my girl, and I ain’t gonna hold her back. She ain’t always as nice as she looks. Hell, she hits harder than both of y’all combined. Trust me.”

Curt and David both adored you, not only because of how good you were for Frank, but also because they really genuinely liked you. As the months added up to a year, they both kept pressuring Frank to take the next step in your relationship. Once they had figured out you weren’t just a fling, and that Frank had truly fallen in love with you, neither one of them could wrap their head around why he wouldn’t want to make it official. Curt knew Frank would always love Maria, and that there would never be any replacing her. But he also knew that there would never be another you. You were Frank’s second shot. There wouldn’t be a third. There wasn’t room in his heart for a third.

Frank wasn’t an idiot. He knew you were way out of his league. Not only were you absolutely way too good for him, he also thought you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He noticed all the eyes on you everytime the two of you went somewhere. He didn’t miss the utter confusion written evidently on guy’s faces when you reached for his hand to intertwine your fingers together or pressed a kiss to his lips with a huge grin. He resisted the urge to stalk over and snap something out of place when their disrespectful stares lasted a little too long for his liking. But you never noticed any of it. Because every time Frank brought his gaze back to you, your eyes were already on him. They were always on him.

It wasn’t that Frank didn’t see a future with you. When he thought about what the rest of his life looked like, you were always there. He loved you entirely. He just wasn’t sure if he could be a husband again. Frank had proposed to Maria three months into their relationship because she was pregnant, and it was the right decision. Not to say that they would’ve never gotten married had she not been pregnant, but everything had happened so fast. Frank became a husband and a father almost overnight. He didn’t regret a second of his marriage with Maria, but he didn’t want to repeat it. He wanted to take his time with you. Frank wanted to savor every moment with you, just as you were. No pressure, no expectations, just you and him.

You were the first person Frank had ever met that didn’t ask him to be someone else. You didn’t ask him to hide the parts of himself that were scary. You didn’t try to tame the aspects of his life that were tumultuous. You didn’t try to redirect his daunting choices. You didn’t try to pull him in a million different directions and expect him to be someone he wasn’t. You let him be exactly who he was, and loved him all the same. Frank didn’t need a piece of paper to know how much you loved him, or that you were his. You proved that to him every single day.

I find it dizzying

They’re bringing up my history

But you aren’t even listening

Madani was on a rampage. Frank hadn’t tied things up as neatly as she had wanted, and arguably had left a bit of a mess, and she was furious. Enough to show up at his front door with Mahoney ten minutes shy of five in the morning with more rage than a person should ever have that early. Since you and Frank had recently moved in together, they were also at your front door, and Frank knew that once you were awake there was no going back to sleep for you. Pushing his own annoyance to the side, Frank apologized profusely, but you simply shrugged it off and went to the kitchen to make coffee for the four of you.

She wanted Frank to go back in and finish the job, this time wrapping everything up neatly with a bow. No loose ends. No mess. But to Frank, it wasn’t worth the risk. The previous case had taken months of prep work and careful planning. The target was high profile, with even more high profile friends, and was someone the U.S. government was not technically supposed to be going after. Madani had given Frank very strict instructions, all of which he did his best to follow, but there were unforeseen complications he had to improvise with.

“It ain’t worth the risk, Madani. They know someone’s gunnin’ for ‘em now. It ain’t gonna be as easy to catch ‘em off guard again. The security this guy has now could put the fuckin’ secret service to shame.”

“I can’t just let him go, Castle. If this guy goes underground, that’s it. We won’t have another chance. This has to happen now.”

“I get that Dinah, alright I do. But there ain’t enough time to put somethin’ together that’s gonna work. We don’t even have-”

“Oh bullshit! That’s complete bullshit Frank, and you know it. If this guy had kidnapped Karen Page, you’d be there in a heartbeat and he’d be dead by now. You have no problem running straight into the fire when your own selfish interests are at risk but not when I fucking need you to.”

Frank’s jaw tensed at the mention of Karen and his eyes immediately diverted to you. You were finally making your own cup of coffee after bringing three to the table for them. If you had reacted to her name at all, Frank didn’t see it. He had mentioned Karen briefly to you once a few months ago, and how she had helped him find David. You knew she was present for his trial and had read the articles she had written about him. You knew there was a history there. Frank hadn’t really detailed exactly what that history was or meant. He had simply said she was someone he cared about and left it at that. You never asked about it again.

Mahoney seemed to follow Frank’s gaze over towards where you were leaning against the kitchen counter. His eyes lingered on Frank for a moment before he faced Madani and cleared his throat.

“I think the point you’re missing Madani is he has no trouble doing that when it comes to certain people. If that person isn’t in danger, he’s not gonna roll up guns blazing to a suicide mission.”

“Since when the hell are you on his side, Mahoney? You need this done as badly as I do.”

“I do. But we need to be smart about this, and you need to consider all the stakes that are involved, and who those consequences fall on.”

Brett motioned his head subtly in your direction, and for the first time since shoving her way in completely blinded by anger, Dinah noticed your presence. Her wrath seemed to dissipate a little as she glanced between you and Frank, detecting the somewhat pleading look in his eyes. Halting her pacing, she finally took a seat at the dining table and let out a deep exhale of understanding.

“Alright. How do we do this Frank? What’s the smartest way, what do you need from me?”

“Patience, for starters.”

“Now Frank, you know better than to taunt an angry woman that’s got a full clip without a bulletproof vest.”

Walking by to place a kiss to Frank’s head, you shot Dinah a wink and lightly squeezed Brett’s shoulder on your way back into the bedroom. Dinah looked over at Frank in amusement, a smirk completely taking over her mouth as she brought the steaming mug to her lips.

“For the record, I like her better than you.”

“Glad we’re all in agreement then. Cause I like her a hell of a lot more than you two put together.”

After Madani and Mahoney had left, Frank made his way into your shared bedroom and leaned against the doorway to the bathroom as he watched you get ready for work.

“Shoulda warned you movin’ in with me meant house calls from Madani at ungodly hours.”

“Nothing I wasn’t prepared for.”

The smile you sent Frank’s reflection in the mirror nearly made him weak in the goddamn knees.

“Can I take ya to breakfast?”

“I’d love that. I’m almost done.”

Frank watched you silently for a moment, mesmerized by all your little movements. He liked to watch you when you weren’t paying attention, when you thought no one was paying attention to you. He loved the way your nose crinkled adorably when you got embarrassed or confused, the cute little pout that formed on your lips when something wasn’t right or working, how you were always humming something when you were lost in thought. Frank pulled you into his embrace the second you turned around, brushing his thumb lightly over your cheekbone.

“I really am sorry ‘bout this mornin’. Not just, ya’know, Madani flyin’ in like a bat outta hell. What she said ‘bout Karen-”

“I know, Frank. It’s okay. She’s right, though. If Karen was involved, you wouldn’t hesitate.”

“I wouldn’t hesitate for you either.”

A shy smile took over your lips as you leaned into Frank’s embrace, gently wrapping your small hand around his wrist.

“I know that, Frank. I know you’d do it for me too. And Curtis, and David, and even Dinah and Brett. And before you even start your protest, don’t bother. Because you’ve already done it for everyone on the list. Some of them, several times.”

“Not you, though. And I hope to God it never comes to that. But if it ever does-”

“You’re wrong.”

Frank cocked his head slightly to the side, peering down at you with brows knit in confusion.

“What?”

“You’re wrong. You have done it for me.”

“When?”

“Everyday. You save me, every single day, and you have since that day in the bookstore.”

Frank stared down at you incredulously, shaking his head slowly to himself. He wrapped his arms a little tighter around you and leaned in to press his forehead against yours.

“You keep talkin’ like that, I’m gonna take you to bed instead of breakfast.”

“Why not both?”

I feel a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want for me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

When Frank had asked you what you wanted for your birthday, your answer was simple. Him. Frank argued that you had to let him get you a birthday present after you had gone all out for him, so you compromised. Time. That’s all you asked for. Just you and him, no distractions, no responsibilities, no work, no interruptions. Frank hadn’t hardly been home the past two months, and you had been putting in a few late nights of your own even when he was. Every night he was away from you made Frank wonder how the hell he ever managed to go eighteen months without Maria.

Two weeks before your birthday, Frank told you to request a few days off and pack a bag. He wouldn’t tell you why, just said to pack comfortably for cold weather. You didn’t even bother trying to get a hint out of him. The man had been trained for torture, he wasn’t going to give into your incessant childish begging when he was so committed to his surprise. He was still tight lipped as you both loaded his truck down and took off on a three hour drive upstate. When he turned off onto a winding dirt road and caught your puzzled expression, he couldn’t help but chuckle. It wasn’t until the cozy cabin finally came into view that a gasp left your mouth. Your head snapped towards him with wide eyes as he put the truck in park.

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

“You got me a cabin?”

Frank threw his head back and howled with laughter, reaching over to grab onto your thigh and squeeze gently as an ear splitting grin covered his mouth.

“Well hell, if I had known you wanted one, I woulda got you one. But since someone didn’t wanna give me any ideas, I had to get creative. This is all ours for the next few days. Ain’t no one around for miles. And the best part? No cell service.”

Even though there were tears in your eyes from how thoughtful Frank’s gift to you was, it didn’t stop you from climbing onto his lap and clawing at his belt with eager hands. Frank didn’t even pretend to put up a fight. It was your birthday after all. He’d give you whatever you wanted. And if you wanted to ride him in the front seat of his truck, well then it felt like his birthday too. You and Frank nearly christened every spot in that cabin in less than 24 hours. Frank fucked you in the large plush bed in the bedroom, the hot tub, on the kitchen counter, in front of the fireplace, on the dining table, in the shower, the couch, and even against a tree when you went for a walk together in the woods.

For three days it was absolute uninterrupted bliss, and Frank had never been happier. You both took turns cooking meals, even though Frank was adamant about doing most of the cooking since it was your birthday trip. He dazzled you with his baking skills when he handcrafted a red velvet birthday cake with cream cheese frosting; your favorite. You both found a beautiful trail that had a breathtaking view of a lake and had a picnic there. Frank slow danced with you around the living room with only the glow of the fire and moon to illuminate the space. It felt like a dream neither of you wanted to wake up from.

After spending nearly an hour with his head buried between your thighs and another with his hips pressed firmly to yours, Frank held you delicately against his chest. His thick fingers ran loosely throughout your hair, lightly scratching at your scalp how he knew you liked. He watched as your fingertips carefully traced scars and indentations along his chest and abdomen. Sometimes when you laid like this, you asked him the story behind each one. But tonight, you were unusually quiet. Frank lightly nudged his nose against your temple.

“What’s goin’ on up there?”

“I don’t wanna go home.”

Your voice was small and fragile, like a shattered piece of glass that hadn’t yet fallen to pieces. Frank had almost forgotten that tonight was your last night here. He had been trying to make you forget too.

“Me neither, sweetheart. We can always come back.”

You hummed quietly in response, tracing invisible words above Frank’s heart that he couldn’t quite decipher. He placed his index finger under your jaw and lightly grasped your chin to tilt your head back.

“That it?”

Frank could see the hesitation in the depths of your eyes. You took your bottom lip between your teeth, something you always did when you were contemplating your words carefully. For a second, Frank was worried he might have done something wrong, or not done something he should have.

“We can go somewhere nice for you birthday when we get back if you wanted-”

“No, no Frank that’s not it. This…this has been the most perfect and special birthday I’ve ever had. It’s the first time I’ve even enjoyed celebrating my birthday since I was a kid. I guess I’m just…feeling selfish.”

“Selfish? You’re allowed to be selfish on your birthday, darlin’. That’s kinda the whole point, ain’t it?”

“My birthday was three days ago.”

“So?”

The tiniest of smiles tugged at the corner of your mouth as you shook your head slowly. Frank watched as your gaze dropped back down to where your fingertips were still writing invisible words.

“C’mon baby, talk to me. Feelin’ selfish how?”

“I just…don’t wanna go home. I like this. I like having you all to myself. I like being here with you, doing all these things together, feeling like I’m your…just…it’s nice.”

“My what?”

Frank dipped his head slightly to meet your gaze, but he couldn’t catch it. Whatever you wanted to say, you were guarding it.

“Your…main priority.”

Priority wasn’t the word you wanted to use. Frank knew it as soon as the words left your mouth. You couldn’t lie to save your life. He knew there was something else you wanted to say, but he couldn’t figure out what. Neither of you kept things from the other, and he couldn’t understand why you were doing that right now. He gently grabbed your neck and held your face with his fingers, searching your eyes for any kind of clue. They were shimmering with a translucent layer of sadness, but he couldn’t tell what from.

“I love you. You know that, right?”

“I know. I love you, Frank.”

“You are my main priority, baby. I want you to know that. I know I been gone a lot lately, and I’m sorry ‘bout that, but you do come first. You need me, you call me. I don’t care where I am, what time it is, or how small you may think it is. You need me, you call me, and I’m there. No questions asked. You got that?”

Nodding slowly, you closed your eyes for a moment as a tear slipped past your lashes. Frank brought his thumb up to catch it before it could descend down your cheek, holding you even tighter against his chest.

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be. S’alright, honey.”

“I just miss you when you’re gone, Frank. So much. I worry about you all the time. I get scared that everytime I hear your voice on the phone might be the last…or what I would do if you didn’t come home-”

“Hey, look at me. I will always come home to you. I promise. You will always have me. Always. I miss you the second I step out that door, and all I can think about when I’m away is comin’ home to you. Nothin’ could ever keep me away from my favorite girl.”

Frank pressed his lips to your forehead in a soft kiss, lingering there for a moment as he held you tightly in his arms. He made another promise that night that once every couple of months you two would get away for a while. No distractions, no responsibilities, no interruptions. He made love to you two more times so that the only thing you could feel was him. He kept himself inside you as he wrapped you up in his body completely, whispering sweet nothings into your ear until you fell asleep. When the morning came, he woke you up with his head nestled between your thighs, chasing any lingering feelings of sadness away with his tongue until there was nothing left but pure gratification.

Talk your talk and go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

Things had been different after you and Frank got back from your trip. They were so subtle, he wasn’t entirely convinced he wasn’t going crazy and imagining things that weren’t there. He couldn’t put his finger on exactly what it was, but something was different. Something was off. He could feel it.

There was a dissonance between the two of you. Frank noticed you had become a little distant, withdrawing into yourself at times. Of course he had no room to speak, he had been guilty of doing that on several occasions. He figured you might have been going through something and needed your space until you were ready to talk about it. So, he did what you always did with him. He was patient, provided reassurance of his presence both verbally and with gestures, and gave you the space you needed.

But then a month went by, and you still hadn’t said anything. He tried to be as patient as you had been with him, but it was never his virtue. It was driving him absolutely mad trying to put together this puzzle when all the pieces were locked away in your mind. Anyone else observing you wouldn’t be able to tell you were acting differently, not even the ones that knew you. But no one knew you quite like Frank. He noticed everything about you. He saw the way your smiles didn’t quite reach your eyes like they normally did. He heard the detachment in your voice when he asked you about your day. He hadn’t felt the warmth of your touch in a month. Every time he managed to make it home at a decent hour, you weren’t there. You had been spending more nights at work, making up excuses about a big project with a strict deadline. But Frank knew better. He knew you were avoiding him. He just couldn’t figure out why.

He replayed the entire trip in his head over and over again, searching for anything out of place that would explain your behavior. The only thing Frank could think of was your last night at the cabin when you had gotten emotional about leaving. Frank analyzed every piece of that conversation. He thought he had done everything right that night by telling you everything that you needed to hear to put your mind at ease, and making a promise to dedicate more time together. But if more time together was what you wanted, why were you pulling away?

Frank couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t be as patient as you. Something was wrong, and the uncertainty was driving him fucking crazy. He managed to easily find a way into your building, a concern he would discuss with you at a later time, and was barreling towards your office. The space was dark and quiet, seemingly empty, but he could see the light on through your window. Frank shut and locked the door as soon as he stepped through, barricading the door with his large frame. There was nowhere for you to run. The only way out was through him, and he wasn’t letting you leave until you talked to him.

“Frank? What are you-”

“What’s goin’ on?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what. You’ve been off since we got home. Now look…I’ve tried, alright? I’ve tried to give you space until you were ready to talk about whatever the hell this is, and ya’know be patient until you were ready to come to me…but you’re not comin’ to me. You’re hidin’ from me. Why?”

“I’m not hiding from you, Frank.”

“Yes you are. That’s why you’re here. That’s why you’ve been spendin’ almost every night here instead of at home with me. That’s why you keep tryin’ to lie when we both know you’re fuckin’ terrible at it. Ya’know I thought…I thought we didn’t do that. I thought we agreed ya’know, no secrets. No lies. So…what is it?”

The silence in the room was deafening and nearly drowned out the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. For the first time in a very long time, Frank was fucking terrified. He had no idea what was going on with you. He had no idea what he had done wrong. He didn’t like the way your face twisted up in remorse and confusion. He hated that you wouldn’t look at him. He would’ve rather faced down the barrel of a loaded gun than whatever the fuck was about to happen right now. Frank took a step forward, his eyes darting back and forth fervently as he searched your face for something, anything. His voice was gentle and laced with pure vulnerability as he pleaded with you.

“Please just…please just talk to me. Please, sweetheart. Just…tell me what’s goin’ on. I can’t…I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what the problem is. Please tell me.”

Frank watched closely as you rubbed your palms slowly down your face, looking anywhere but at him as you glanced around your office. You closed your eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, and Frank’s fingers twitched at his sides in anxious anticipation.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Frank.”

Your words caught him completely off guard, and he blinked a few times as confusion settled between his dark brows.

“What?”

Crossing your arms over your chest, you finally lifted your head to meet Frank’s unrelenting gaze. You gave a light shrug of your shoulders as a tiny melancholic smile covered your lips.

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Frank I…I know you love me. I know that, okay. But…is that it?”

Frank cocked his head to the side slightly as he stared down at you. He could see that you were waiting for an answer, but he couldn’t figure out what the hell the question was.

“I’m not followin’, sweetheart. Is what it?”

“Is that all there is? I mean am I…am I it? Because you are Frank. You are it for me. I know what I want from you, but I have no idea if you want it too, or if you even want it at all. I don’t know what you want.”

“Sweetheart, what I want is you. Is that not clear?”

“Yeah but for how long, Frank?”

Frank stared at you silently, feeling completely lost within your riddle. He was trying his hardest to follow along, but a piece of the puzzle was still missing. You were still holding something back. He wasn’t sure if it was the same piece you withheld that last night at the cabin, but it was preventing him from being able to see the whole picture.

“What do you want?”

“Frank-”

“Say it. Whatever it is you been too scared to say, just say it. I’m not gonna understand until you tell me, so just get it off your chest.”

Hesitation flashed across your face, and he could practically feel the uneasiness radiating off of you. Frank watched as you caught your bottom lip between your teeth and took a few steps forward to gently pry it away with his thumb. He reached out to take one of your small hands in his, brushing his thumb lightly over the back of your knuckles before giving it a delicate reassuring squeeze.

“Talk to me.”

“I want a future, Frank. I want a future with you. I want everything with you.”

“You don’t think I want that?”

“I don’t know, Frank. You’ve never mentioned it, we’ve never talked about it. I don’t know what you really want. I know that I love you, and I want to be with you. Always. You’re it for me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want a life together. I want…a family. Our family. I just…I don’t know if you want any of those things.”

It was your turn to be nervous as Frank stared down at you silently while processing your words. Once everything clicked in his brain, he felt like a fucking idiot. He had told everyone that he wanted a future with you. Everyone except you, apparently. He hadn’t told you that whenever he thought about his future, you were at the center of it. He hadn’t told you that you were it for him too. He hadn’t explained why he never mentioned marriage or starting a family to you. Hell, he hadn’t even stopped to consider if those were things you even wanted. Not once in the past year and a half had he bothered to ask.

You had tried to subtly give him a hint that last night at the cabin. Frank had a sudden epiphany as your words echoed in his head. I like being here with you, doing all these things together, feeling like I’m your…main priority. He knew you hadn’t meant to say priority, but it wasn’t until now that he realized what you were actually trying to say.

Your wife. Your partner. Your future.

“A family?”

“Yes, Frank. A family.”

The sincerity in your voice absolved any remaining apprehensions Frank had about making it all official. He could do this again. He could do it with you. He knew you didn’t need a piece of paper either to know how much he loved you, but if it made you feel more secure in your future together, he would do it. He would do anything for you. Frank shoved everything off of your desk quickly before lifting you by your hips to set you up on top of it. His hands were in the middle of pushing your dress up your thighs when you placed your palms against his chest and laughed nervously.

“Frank, what are you doing?”

“You want a baby sweetheart? I’ll give you one. Right now.”

“Frank-”

“You just tell me what kind of ring you want. You got it.”

“Frank I…I don’t…I didn’t mean right now. We don’t have to figure this all out right now. I just…wanted to know what you wanted. If…if you wanted a future with me too. I mean…I want you to want this too. I don’t want you to do it just because it’s what I want. If you-”

Frank cupped your face in his large hands and leaned in to kiss your lips softly. He sighed in content against your mouth, nuzzling his nose against your own. He pressed his forehead to yours as he started deeply down into your eyes.

“I love you. I love wakin’ up next to you. I love that you’re the last thing I see when I close my eyes at night. I wanna spend the rest of my life lovin’ you. Ya’know after Maria…I wasn’t sure I’d ever want to do any of that again. I wasn’t sure if I could. But if that’s what you want, then I want it too. We’ll figure it out together, yeah?”

“Really?”

“When you’re ready, I’m ready. I promise.”

I feel a lavender haze creeping up on me

So real, I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal, the 1950s shit they want for me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

You and Frank were not a traditional couple. You never had been. There was nothing traditional or normal about your relationship, but neither one of you seemed to really care. Everything between the two of you had always happened exactly as it was supposed to. You did everything on your own terms, at your own pace, and only followed your own expectations that you two had established together. Now that you were both on the same page about your future together, you simply decided to let the rest of the pieces come together when it was their time.

Over the course of the next year, you and Frank only fell harder and more deeply in love. True to his word, Frank made sure that you two had some little getaway planned every three months. The walls of your home were filled with little snippets of your favorite memories from your trips together. There were even a few that Curt and David along with the rest of the Lieberman family had joined you on. You started your own holiday traditions of spending them with yours and Frank’s chosen family, and David’s kids were absolutely thrilled when you got Frank a puppy for Christmas last year. Frank had even let them have the honor of naming him which is how you ended up with an adorable big baby of a pit bull named Zeo, a combination of their names.

Life was so full for the two of you, it never felt like anything was missing. There were only more things you wanted to add to it. Frank eventually found himself at complete peace with the idea of becoming a husband and father again. There was no pressure of expectations or rush to catch up with anyone else. He had simply healed enough to make that choice of his own accord. Being your husband was what Frank genuinely wanted for himself. He wanted to be a complete unit with you; a team. For your three year anniversary, Frank took you back to that same cabin and proposed to you in front of the golden glow of the fireplace. A month later, you had a small intimate little ceremony at that beautiful spot by the lake you had found during your first exploration.

There was nothing traditional about it, but it was perfect. David got ordained and performed the ceremony, asking you three times if you were absolutely sure you wanted to be legally bound to Frank forever. Curt and Sarah stood by yours and Frank’s sides. Zach and Leo were the ring bearer and flower girl. You and Frank had even gotten Zeo a little bowtie for his collar. The “reception” took place at yours and Frank’s favorite diner in town. Instead of wedding cake, you two shoved apple pie in each other's faces. The celebrations continued at the bar across the street where you toasted with cheap wine and shots of tequila. Your first dance was to Can’t Take My Eyes Off You by Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons because it was the best choice on the jukebox. That night you and Frank made love more times than you could count.

A few months later when you both decided you were ready to start a family, you left it all up to chance. You weren’t actively trying, but you also weren’t using protection. Whenever it was meant to happen, it would. Seven months later you found out you were pregnant. The grin on Frank’s face when you told him the news was composed of pure happiness. Neither of you wanted to know what you were having until the baby was born, but you picked out names that you both absolutely loved either way. Frank was present for every big and little moment of your pregnancy. All the appointments, hearing the heartbeat for the first time, feeling the first little movements and kicks. All those little things and moments he had missed both times Maria was pregnant he was now getting to experience fully with you. He was there for every second of your labor, letting you grip his hand as tightly as you needed, getting you anything you wanted, showering you in praise and encouragement when it was time to push.

Frank sobbed proudly when he held his baby girl in his arms for the first time. He was in complete awe of the beautiful creature the two of you had created together in pure love. He still questioned relentlessly what he had done so right to deserve this life; this second chance. There were still so many moments he doubted whether he was deserving of happiness. But here he was, holding his happiness in his arms. His second chance. His future. Frank wanted to stay in this moment forever.

#frank castle #frank castle x y/n #frank castle x you #frank castle x reader #frank castle x female reader #frank castle x f!reader #frank castle x fem!reader #frank castle fic #frank castle smut #the punisher fic #the punisher smut #curtis hoyle #david lieberman #sarah lieberman #karen page #dinah madani #brett mahoney

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jolteonmchale · 8 months ago

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#frank x yazmin #animal control fox #frank shaw #not exactly what i was expecting #they really teased me with that teaser #joel mchale #animal control #sarah chalke #raccoons and mutts #animal control 2x01 #pb

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xxsp3llb0undxx · 2 years ago

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Years go by, without you by my side

Joel Miller x Wife!Reader [2.6k]

Disclaimer: Please do not repost my work to other sites or claim as your own, this is purely written from my imagination and from the help of the series. All rights of the main storyline goes to the writers and producers of The Last Of Us.

Summary: 20 years had passed since the day everything went to shit, Joel lost everything; he was a recluse - or so he thought.

WARNING: GORE ,, INFECTION ,, BLOOD ,, VOMIT ,, MENTIONS OF DEATH ,, SWEARING ,, ONE SIDED LOVE ,, UNREQUITED LOVE ,, SLIGHT TOMMY X READER

MASTERLIST TLOU

Life was good before all of this mess, Joel was happily married and his daughter, Sarah, finally had a mother figure in her life to teach her everything she needed to know about being a woman. The first time Sarah had gotten her period, Joel was terrified; his baby was hurting and she wouldn't stop crying, he had no clue what to do but then Y/n stepped in and guided Sarah through it all. She had made sure the young girl was fully stocked up on pads, chocolate, pain killers and a hot water bottle. Joel had never felt so grateful to have another woman in his life that his daughter could talk to about the things he didn't have a clue about.

The small moments between his wife and daughter made his heart swoon, he was scared Sarah wouldn't approve of their relationship at the start and he would've completely gave up on his love life if his daughter was ever uncomfortable. But, luckily for him, his daughter instantly clicked with Y/n, they were suck at the hip. Everywhere Y/n went, Sarah would be trailing behind, rambling on about random things earning the softest of smiles from the older woman. When Joel and Y/n broke the news to Sarah about them getting married, she was ecstatic. Her smile huge, eyes sparkling. Her happy squeals filled the air, she was practically bouncing off the walls at the news of her dad finally being happy.

Well, that was 3 years ago. A lot had happened in those years, Y/n and Joel tried for a baby but their luck wasn't working. Until it did. It was September 26th, 2003 - Joel's 36th birthday. Y/n had woke up feeling sick, rushing out of bed and into the bathroom down the hall. Last nights dinner coming back up. The noise of her throwing up must've woke up Joel, as he opened their bedroom door and carefully made his way down the hall to the bathroom, Y/n was hunched over the toilet as she continued to throw up into the toilet bowl. Joel crouched down beside her, rubbing his palm up and down Y/n's back, the gesture made the older woman lift her head up from the toilet bowl and look over at Joel; his hair was all over the place, eyes half lidded.

"You okay, sweet pea?" Joel's voice was laced with sleep, his Texan accent more noticeable. Y/n looked at Joel with teary eyes, she hated the feeling of being sick; the feeling of being an inconvenience to everyone around. Joel brought his wife into his chest, wrapping his warps around her smaller frame. "Hey, don't cry darlin' everything's going to be okay." They stayed like that on the bathroom floor for what felt like hours, until Sarah started banging on the slab of wood telling her parents to hurry up so she could get ready for school.

After the whole ordeal in the bathroom, Y/n had went downstairs as Sarah had finished getting ready; telling her dad he had 15 minutes before she had to leave for school. The aroma of dark roast coffee filled the kitchen, making Sarah fake gagging noise. "I don't get how you and dad can drink that stuff." The small comment made the older woman laugh. Before Y/n could reply, the sound of boots hitting against the wooden stairs brought her focus to the staircase to see Joel ready for work, his hair slightly damp form the shower he had. Sarah hugged her father and wished him a happy birthday, not forgetting to bully him over his age.

Once they had eaten breakfast, Sarah had ran upstairs to get something, neither of her parents knew what, though. Tommy was waiting in the truck as Joel gave a goodbye kiss to Y/n, telling her to take it easy today after her being sick an hour prior. Sarah bounded down the stairs and gave Y/n a hug before rushing out the door, the older woman stood in the doorway watching her little family drive off.

Y/n did some house cleaning throughout the day, preparing the the vegetables and chicken for dinner later that day. Another wave of sickness hit her again, she barely made it to the bathroom before she inevitably threw up her breakfast. She flushed the toilet and got up to brush her teeth for the second time that day. Y/n opened the cabinet where the Miller's kept painkillers and first aid things. Her eyes caught a white box on the top shelf, a pregnancy test. Y/n closed her eyes for a second before picking the box up and opening the packaging. She used the test and put on a timer for 5 minutes as instructed on the leaflet. When she checked after the timer went off, she saw two lines - Positive.

A lot had happened in the space of Sarah and Joel coming home, and then Joel having to go get Tommy from the police station. The world fucking ended. There was fire everywhere, people were screaming as cars and trucks drove past them. Tommy was trying his best to find a way out, Sarah wouldn't stop asking questions about the things happening, Joel was panicking and he was right to do so, this was a fucked up nightmare. Then everything got worse, a plane fell from the sky the engines ablaze, and then the next thing anyone knows; the truck flips upside down, smoke pilling out of every nook it could escape from. Joel had gotten Sarah out on his side but Y/n and Tommy were trapped opposite them. "Joel, baby, don't panic. Keep Sarah safe, we will meet you guys down by the river. I love you." Those three little words sounded like the last time Joel would ever hear them from you, and maybe he was right to assume.

Tommy and Y/n walked along the streets, staying in the shadows to not draw unwanted attention to themselves. Tommy's hand clasped tightly around Y/n's, he would never admit it but he always had a thing for her before his older brother finally snatched her up for himself. The trek to the river took quite awhile, probably because of all the infected lurking around ready to pounce at any sound. Just before they had arrive, Tommy pulled Y/n back to the treeline and held her face in his hands, her eyes glistening with tears. "I want you to run, okay? I can't let you get hurt" - "Yes, I know you love Joel but you need to protect yourself at all costs, angel." With that, Tommy kissed the crown of Y/n's head and proceeded to walk over to the area he was supposed to meet his brother but before he could, Y/n tugged on his wrist and placed the pregnancy test in his hand. "Tell Joel I'm sorry and that I will love him until my last breath." Then she was gone. Tommy stared at the plastic stick in his hand, he swore he could hear his heart shatter.

Bang! A gunshot ripped through the air, cries and screams followed shortly after. "You're okay, baby girl. You're okay" - "I know it hurts but you gotta let me pick you up, okay baby?" Joel looked over to his brother, begging him to help but all Tommy could do was stand there looking lost. Sarah died in her fathers arms that night, her blood staining Joel's clothes and skin. He lost his daughter and his wife was probably dead, Tommy told him they got separated on their way to the river. "Before we got separated - she um, she told me to hang on to this for you, I know it's shit timing but I'm sure she would want you to know either way." Tommy gave his brother the pregnancy test, Joel took it with shaky hands as he stared in disbelief. He didn't know if he should be happy or angry, his daughter was dead but there was a chance he could still have some light in his life, only if he could find his love.

20 years had passed since that fateful day. Y/n had been on her own for majority of the apocalypse, she gave birth to her daughter, Amelia, in a QZ in Atlanta. Y/n tried her best to do everything she could to provide as much of a normal life for her daughter but it was hard, it was hard without Joel or Tommy by her side. So when Amelia turned 16, she was taught how to use a gun and how to take down infected when it was necessary. Y/n had snuck out of the QZ one day with her now 19 year old daughter, and started heading in the direction of the only place she knew could keep her and her daughter safe. Wyoming.

The trek was long, Amelia begged her mother to let her take watch so Y/n could rest but she always waved her daughter off, she would destroy everything if anything were to ever happen to her baby. After 4 days of nonstop walking, they finally made it to Wyoming, but that was only the start. They had to make their way to Cody and find where Tommy was holed up this time, he cut all radio contact a couple weeks ago and it scared Y/n, Tommy was all she had left of her old life and she wasn't willing to give that up.

Amelia and Y/n had ran in to an elderly couple living in a cabin in the forest, they had kindly given them directions to where the two women needed to go, not without warning though. Y/n had bid her farewell to the elders and set off with her daughter in the direction of what she hoped to be the direction of Tommy's settlement. After getting past the "River of death", Amelia turned to her mother and pointed at a small camp fire in one of the cave by the river, Y/n being on guard when it came to other people being close, she grabbed her daughters wrist and pulled her along, telling her to just keep moving.

It was dusk by the time Y/n and Amelia had made it passed another river, they were going to continue when they heard footsteps approaching and the sounds of hooves in the distance. Y/n pulled her daughter close and drew her gun, aiming it in the direction of the fast approaching footsteps. After a couple minutes, a young brown eyed girl comes around the corner, she's with an older man, once she notices two guns pointed at her and her travelling partner, her eyes go wide and she fumbles for her own gun.

"Drop your guns or we will shoot." A soft Texan accent rips through the crisp air, Joel's ears perk up, he hasn't heard that voice in a long long time. He studies the older woman, taking in how her skin is paler in comparison to his own, her long hair hidden under a hat. Before he could say anything, the sound of an army of horses came galloping in their direction. Joel pushed Ellie behind him, he can't let anything happen to her, not after what happened to Sarah.

"Put your guns down." The four people huddled in the middle of these thugs on horses, obeyed and dropped their guns to the ground. "Have any of you been around infected?" - "Now don't lie either, because my little helper here will rip you apart if he smells anything on you." Y/n and Amelia let the dog gladly sniff them and give them a quick once over before moving over to the other two behind them. The deep growl made a shiver run down Y/n's spine, she gripped onto her daughters hand, keeping her as close as possible. The dog had settled down after a couple seconds and Ellie had began laughing as he licked her face. "Well it looks like you've bought yourselves an extra 10 seconds." - "What are you doing here?"

Y/n let out a shaky breath before speaking but Joel had also spoke at the same time. "I'm here for Tommy" - "I'm looking for my brother." Joel looked over at Y/n, his assumptions had to be true, he finally found his wife after 20 years. The group rode horseback to the settlement, leading who seemed to be the one in charge. It took about half an hour til they had arrived at the big wooden gates of Jackson. The gates had opened with a soft creak, the group of riders making their way into the settlement. Joel looked around, his eyes locked onto his brother; who was standing on some stairs helping fix something.

"Tommy!" Joel called out, catching the attention of not only his brother but Y/n and some others in the community. "What are you doing here man?" Tommy had a huge smile on his face, Joel brought him into a hug patting his brothers back before breaking apart. "I came to save you, of course." That earned a chuckle from his younger brother. "Who's that you brought with you?" Tommy asked pointing at Ellie, Joel shook his head telling his brother he would talk to him about it later.

Y/n hopped down off her horse, Amelia trailing behind her mother hands stuffed into her jacket pockets. "Tommy?" Her voice still sounded like thick, sweet honey. Tommy whipped his head in the direction of the voice, his smile faltering before he wrapped the smaller woman up in his arms, he clung to her as if she would disappear if he let go. "Now what are you doing here, angel? Last I heard, you were still in Atlanta." Y/n smiled up at Tommy, telling him everything that had happened in the QZ and asking if she could seek refuge in Jackson with Amelia. Tommy instantly welcomed them in, he was glad to have his family back.

Joel and Ellie were in the mess hall with Tommy and Maria when Joel had noticed Y/n and Amelia join them, he still couldn't figure out if it was her or not. So he just went for it and called out the nickname only he would call her, he hoped she would react to it. "Sweet pea? Is that you?" Y/n's head snapped up and stared at Joel, tears rimming her eyes. Her lip quivered as she stared at the man she thought she would never see again. "Joel? Baby, where have you been?" The tears had fallen then, sobs wracked her body as she clung to her husbands body, 20 years without the love of her life had fucked her up but she glad she can finally introduce her daughter to her father.

Once Y/n had pulled away she motioned for Amelia to come over. "Joel, my love, this is Amelia. She's - she's your daughter." Joel looked at Amelia, she had his eyes and Y/n's hair, the perfect mix between both. He held her in his arms for what seemed like forever, he finally had his family back but he will always feel that loss for Sarah. Joel could finally be happy again, he had his daughter and his wife, but most importantly, he had an annoying little shit bird of a 14 year old whom he loved like his own. Joel Miller finally got his happy ending, that's all he ever wanted.

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savemefromanepicoftimewasted · 1 year ago

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It's Your Burden To Carry

Detective Joel Miller X F!Reader

Joel wished he had the answers, to figure out exactly why someone was attacking innocent women for their own sick pleasure. It wouldn’t be the first time this had happened, and it definitely wasn’t going to be the last. A/N:this fic deals with VERY heavy topics, please read with caution! there is also an alternate ending so if you would like to read it let me know and i will post that seperately! warnings:mentions of murder, descriptions of murder, violence, gore, blood, death, crime scenes

Joel was tired, he’d been staring at the crime scene photos for nearly two hours at this point. Not to mention his phone had been going off since he took off at four in the morning, sending a text to the two teens that they’d be cooking breakfast for themselves. It was the usual for them, Joel would get called into the office when the world was still asleep, and the girls would wake up to another text from him. It was a painful reminder that he’d started to neglect them, that he’d chosen this life when Sarah was just four years old.

It paid the bills though, and right now that was the only thing that mattered to Joel, he could deal with everything else in due time. Tommy was often the one telling him to go home, that he could pick up the slack and call if there was a break in the case. When was the last time he’d had a full day off with no interruptions? Shit, maybe he did need to take some time off and come back to everything with a clear head.

“Been another murder, already got the area taped off,” Well, there went Joel’s hopes of going home for a few hours.

“Let’s go,” Joel threw his coat on, following behind Tommy and Bill as they made their way out to their cars.

The drive wasn’t long which unnerved Joel to no end, the killer was getting even closer to home, and there was no way in hell they would get close enough to Sarah or Ellie. Tommy had given him the quick rundown of what the cops had found during the drive. She was the youngest victim yet, at barely twenty years old. What kind of sick person chose people that were barely even adults themselves to murder?

“They’re trying to keep this one from the press, said she was mutilated when they found her,” Goddamnit, it really was too early for this.

“How bad?” Joel had seen some horrific scenes in his day, but this would land at the very top.

Tommy didn’t say anything as he pulled up beside Bill’s car, shutting off the engine with a quiet sigh. The air was thick with humidity as Joel slipped outside of the car, hopefully the girls were staying cool at home. As he followed Tommy and Bill down to the area, the scent of rotting flesh hit him full force. It was something he’d never been able to get over, the way it lingered on his clothes and skin hours after he left for the day.

They were photographing everything that looked like it could be evidence, from the body, to the small blood trail that led down to the body. It was draining him slowly, day by day Joel could only handle so much before he would break.

“We got a name?” Joel slipped on his glasses, making sure there weren’t any smudges so he could take a look around for himself.

“Found her purse nearby, her license says Lily Evans,” Bill held out the thin plastic card, waiting until Joel slipped on a pair of gloves to safely take the card.

She really was just a kid, or what Joel would consider a kid at least, just a few years older than Sarah and Ellie. No, don’t start thinking like that, focus on finding the goddamn killer and stopping them from hurting anyone else. The media were having a field day with the fact that no one had been able to catch the killer, comparing them to people like Bundy, and Dennis Rader. It wasn’t for lack of trying, they would spend hours scouring the crime scenes for any signs of a clue that would lead them in any positive direction.

“Jesus, girl didn’t even hit twenty-one,” Joel sighed, handing the license back over to one of the agents that was collecting evidence.

“You know that’s their schtick, they go after the girls that can’t defend themselves,” Tommy had made his way down to the body, eyes taking everything in.

The sight was nearly enough to make Joel sick, mutilated was too kind of a word to describe the horrors that lay in front of him. The other bodies had at least been intact, this one was clearly a personal vendetta.

“She’s got bruising around her neck, can’t tell if it’s from their hands or something else,” Bill knelt down further, carefully turning her head.

Joel recognized that type of bruising, it wasn’t something that was done to cause any true harm to the poor girl.

“That’s not from the killer, the marks are too far down,” Joel’s face heated up, what a way to announce that he’d been on both ends of those types of marks.

“That solves at least one of the many questions we have, but why cut her body apart?” Bill had always been the first at every crime scene, nothing prepared him anymore.

Joel wished he had the answers, to figure out exactly why someone was attacking innocent women for their own sick pleasure. It wouldn’t be the first time this had happened, and it definitely wasn’t going to be the last. Maybe he could get transferred somewhere else that wasn’t so intense. Sarah and Ellie deserved someone that could be home for longer than an hour a day.

“Found something guys,” Bill waved Tommy and Joel over, keeping enough distance to not disturb the evidence he’d found.

It was a white card, Joel’s name written in calligraphy across the very middle of it. Joel nervously reached out, gingerly picking up the card and turning it over. A photo of him and his two girls was pinned to the back. Whoever this was had gotten too close and now his family was in danger.

“Get this to evidence, I’m going home and getting the girls down to mom’s” Joel handed the card to Bill before all but sprinting to his car.

The drive over was nerve wracking, Joel’s heart was racing as he swerved between lanes to cut off a few more minutes of driving. What if he was too late and the girls were gone by the time he reached the house? Fuck! He parked haphazardly, yanking the keys out of the ignition before running to the front door. As he turned the door handle his heart dropped, it was unlocked. He’d definitely locked it this morning, right? He pushed the door open harshly, barely wincing as it slammed against the wall.

“Sarah?! Ellie!” Joel could barely hear anything over the heartbeat in his ears.

“Dad?” Sarah’s head popped out from the kitchen, brow raised as she stared over at her father.

“Grab your suitcase and pack a bag, you and Ellie are going to grandma Miller’s for a little bit,” Joel didn’t want to worry either of the girls, but right now his biggest concern was keeping them safe.

Sarah looked flabbergasted, the last time she’d seen her dad this scared was back when Ellie came into their lives and Joel was now outnumbered. This was completely different, this was a fear she’d never truly seen.

“Whoa, what’s going on?” She ran over to him, placing her hands on his arms to stop his frantic pacing.

“I just need you guys to pack a bag for me, please,” Joel wasn’t above begging, he’d done it many times before.

“Okay, I’ll tell Ellie,” Sarah headed up to her bedroom, stopping by Ellie’s and letting her know the situation with the very little information she had.

Today couldn’t get any worse, it seriously couldn’t get any fucking worse. What would he do if something had happened to them while he was out checking another crime scene? No, they were both fine and he’d make sure nothing bad happened to them. He’d be able to spend more time at the office without worrying if the girls were in danger at least.

“Alright let’s go old man,” Ellie plopped down her bags with Sarah following close behind.

“Go get in the car, I’m gonna lock up,” Joel waited until both the girls had left before following close behind.

A Uhaul truck caught his attention, was he finally getting a new neighbor after nearly a year since the Adlers had moved out? The house had been renovated from what Joel had heard from when he would get his mail. Okay maybe it was Sarah who actually found out but that wasn’t important right now.

“Looks like we got a new neighbor,” Sarah threw her bags into the trunk, helping Ellie with hers.

“We’ll make our presence known later today, for now let’s get in the car so we can go,” Joel ushered the two girls into the car, sending a friendly wave to the pretty…very pretty neighbor.

She waved back excitedly before rushing back onto the truck. Joel’s luck truly was running out, he finally gets a new neighbor but he’s too worried about work to think of anything else. Maybe he’d introduce himself when he got back home. Ellie and Sarah kept up a constant conversation as Joel drove down to his mom’s place. There was no way the killer would know where she lived, considering she lived more in the countryside. Shit this was not how he’d wanted his day to go, or his entire week to be honest.

“Now I’m gonna need you two to behave, you hear me?” Joel glanced over at Sarah, knowing that Ellie was also listening in.

“Yes dad, we’ll behave for grandma,” She’d never had anything bad to say about either of the girls, even when Ellie had shown up for the first time.

“Thank you,” Joel needed to keep his blood pressure from rising. The last thing he needed was to have a heart attack in the middle of solving this damn case.

The scenery on the drive was gorgeous, enough to help ease his mind for the time that he would be out of the office. Tommy could hold down the fort and get everything organized until Joel finally got back.

“I’m not gonna be able to stay, so if she’s not home use the key that she gave you okay?” Joel needed to get back as soon as possible, and right now he was still nervous.

“You know she’s gonna end up calling you to ask for answers,” Sarah was too smart for her own good sometimes, but that's besides the point

“Yeah I know, and I’ll tell her as much as I can later,” Joel pulled up to the house, waiting until the girls got out before bidding them a quick goodbye.

Everything would be perfectly fine, he just needed to get back and discuss everything with Bill and Tommy and see where they needed to go from here. Maybe he should stop by the house and grab something to eat, he was practically running on fumes.

Now if you had asked Joel how he managed to make the drive back without crashing, well he wouldn’t be able to properly answer as he wasn’t sure how he’d done that. The Uhaul next door was gone when he parked, was he really gone that long? Shaking his head Joel slipped out of the car, stumbling up to the front door. The new neighbor was standing outside looking through a couple of boxes.

“Hello! You must be Joel,” How the hell did she already know his name?

“Umm yeah, you our new neighbor?” Joel walked over to the edge of his yard, unsure of how she would feel with him in her space.

“I am, pardon my manners, my name’s Y/N,” Your face flushed as you realized you were staring at this man who looked like a walking zombie at the moment.

Joel liked your name, the way it sounded slipping through your lips so easily.

“Nice to meet you, and welcome to the neighborhood. If you ever need something don’t hesitate to stop by, just make sure the lights are on before you do,” Joel nodded and turned to head back to his house before you called out his name.

“Well if there isn’t a Mrs, do you think a date could be in order?” You’d never been so bold before, but something about Joel drew you to him.

“Well I might have to make an exception for someone as cute as you,” Joel smirked as you became flustered, maybe the new neighbor wouldn’t be so bad?

~~~

It had been nearly a week since Joel had dropped off the girls, and besides trying to keep himself sane during work, the moment he left and was reunited with you? Everything was finally alright. The two of you were practically inseparable after that very first date, even if Joel couldn’t tell you much about what he did for work. You understood of course, he was working with some very serious topics and didn’t want to upset you. You’d told him your boring job of being an accountant at one of the local law firms. While the job was boring the pay was wonderful and you were able to afford a house on a single income.

You had gone out to nice places, and had even gotten a midnight dinner at a local diner Joel took the girls to from time to time. You knew it was too early to really decide what the two of you were, but god you were infatuated with him. Joel on the other hand was ready to admit that he really liked you and wanted to move things along.

Neither of you said anything though, not wanting to rush the relationship and scare off one another. So here you were, driving home after yet another amazing dinner date. Joel was going to head into the office and see if there was anything new found at the most recent crime scene. He wasn’t holding his breath, but there was always that small sliver of hope that things would finally look up for him.

As much as Joel liked to call himself a gentleman, he didn’t hesitate to walk you to your front door after each date. Tonight was no different, even if you could feel his hand grazing your lower back gently.

“Thank you again, tonight was absolutely amazing,” You turned to face him, a bright smile on your face.

“Thank you for letting me take you out,” Joel leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

You sighed softly into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. The two of you stood there for what felt like hours, getting lost in the feeling of one another. Of course you didn’t want to pull away from the embrace, but your lungs were burning for air.

“Get inside before I get us in trouble,” Joel patted your ass, chuckling when you playfully slapped his chest.

“I’ll hold you to that, next time,” You pressed one final kiss to his lips before rushing inside.

Joel was on cloud nine, listening to the crickets sing their own songs as he made his way into the house. There wasn’t anything else that could bring down his mood, maybe they’d finally make a break in the case and he could bring the girls back home. He kept the lights off, heading towards the kitchen to grab a glass of water. As he reached for the glass he’d left on the counter earlier that day, a sudden pain spread through his neck. Reaching up he felt a syringe sticking out of his neck.

“Oh fuck,” Joel’s eyes rolled back as he hit the ground.

~~~

Joel’s head was pounding, vision blurry as he struggled to take in his surroundings. The last thing he could remember was going on a date with you. He’d dropped you off at your house before heading back to his own, Sarah wanted her teddy bear. Shit, did they know he was going to visit Sarah and Ellie? No, he’d been keeping their communication to a minimum because of what had happened.

His head whipped around as the sound of creaking floorboards caught his attention, so he was in someone’s basement. Glancing around the dim and musty basement Joel tried to take everything in that he could actually see. A washer and dryer sat in the far corner, a drying rack directly next to the two machines. Shit, there wasn’t enough to give him any idea of who this could be.

There was one thing that suddenly caught his eye, a coat he’d seen more times than not in the last few years. He’d given them shit for not fixing the rip in the shoulder, saying it would be ruined by the end of the year. Oh shit.

“I wondered how long it was going to take you to find out, but clearly you’re not as smart as you claimed,” Her voice sent chills down his spine, this couldn’t be happening.

“Lovely to see you as well,” Joel kept his gaze straight, refusing to acknowledge she was even in the room.

She snickered lowly, footsteps echoing as she came to a stop in front of Joel. A knife held loosely in her right hand should’ve made him more nervous than he was. This was how it was all going to end, he wouldn’t be able to tell Sarah or Ellie the truth.

“Why kill so many young women? What did they ever do to you?” Joel swallowed thickly, palms sweating profusely.

“It should’ve been obvious after you found the first body, why do you think Tommy was so unnerved around her?” Maria leaned down slowly, her presence was enough to make Joel feel sick.

“Anyone that’s sane is going to be unnerved around a dead body, don’t act surprised,” Maybe he shouldn’t be so snarky, but right now he was terrified.

Maria sighed, leaning away from Joel and the only light source she’d turned on. Joel was bathed in the light, giving him enough vision to see himself and a few feet in front of him. However once Maria had gotten far enough away he had no idea where she had gone, what was she planning on doing?

“He had been sleeping with her, each and every girl was a fucking bootycall for him because I was too busy with work,” Maria’s tone was venomous, she was murdering innocent women because Tommy was unfaithful.

“They did nothing wrong, if you’re going to be angry with anyone be mad at him!” Joel would defend Tommy with his last breath, but knowing he was the reason Maria had snapped? It sickened him.

Maria sighed to herself, setting down the hunting knife and slipping on a pair of thick black gloves. Shit, this was starting to get too real for Joel.

“I did confront him when I found out he’d slept with three different women, he got down on his knees and begged me not to divorce him. If he only knew what was going to happen,” Maria ran a finger along the edge of the blade, humming softly.

Joel grunted as he pulled against the restraints, blood pooling against the coarse rope binding his wrists together. The hold was loosening ever so slightly but he couldn’t do anything to let Maria know he was trying to free himself.

“He’s always been too proud to admit his faults, but Jesus, Maria, divorce would’ve been the more logical fucking answer,” Joel damn near screamed as his right hand was freed, grabbing the rope to prevent it from hitting the floor.

“And let him go after girls even younger? He’s a sick man, Joel, and the sooner you see that the better,” Maria turned back towards him, her eyes looked so lifeless.

“Then let me do my own investigation on him, get him off the street so he can’t hurt anyone else,” Joel would do whatever it took to get back to his two girls, begging be damned.

Maria’s smirk was enough to send the fear of God through Joel, how had he been so blind to see that she was behind all the gruesome murders. The knife suddenly caught his attention, a small flicker of light glinting off the blade before it was embedded into the soft plush of his stomach. Joel coughed violently, dropping the rope and struggling to free his left wrist. Maria had clearly not realized Joel’s wrists were free until he swung a fist towards the side of her head. He managed to hit her temple, knocking her to the ground.

Joel groaned, grabbing the handle of the blood and pushing up and off the chair he’d just been bound to. Maria didn’t move as Joel limped towards the stairs that lead up to the kitchen, maybe he’d gotten lucky enough to knock her out. Each stair brought on a pain that Joel never knew he could imagine. Just get out of the house and get to the station.

There was a set of keys sitting on the kitchen table, without thinking Joel grabbed them and ran out to where Maria’s car sat. All but throwing himself into the passenger seat, Joel locked the doors immediately. The last thing he needed was Maria managing to wake up and coming after him before he could actually escape. His vision was beginning to get spotty, darkening on the sides as he managed to get the car started and pulled out of the driveway.

If his calculations were correct he was only about a ten minute drive from the station, all he needed to do was survive until then and warn everyone about Maria. Joel wished he was in one of the cruisers, able to get through the traffic with ease. His shirt was nearly covered in blood, even though he’d left the knife in his stomach blood was pumping out steadily.

Joel could have cried the moment the station came into view, parking haphazardly as he threw the door open quickly. Getting out of the car was much worse than getting in, his body was growing weaker and he could hardly keep himself upright anymore. His face paled even more as he saw Sarah and Ellie inside talking with Tommy. Why the fuck were they were and not at his mom’s?!

“Tommy!” Joel’s voice was hoarse, hands pressed against the wound to help prevent anymore blood from seeping out.

Tommy’s brow furrowed as he stared out the double doors, eyes suddenly widening in fear as he noticed the state his brother was in.

Joel could barely remember the events that followed, his body slumped against the car as he waited for the end to finally come. Tommy had gathered as many officers as he could, running out to get Joel help and make sure he’d be alright. Sarah and Ellie were terrified, each of them crying as they watched Joel get taken away by ambulance. What the hell had happened to him, and what were they going to do until he was alright?

~~~

The sound of beeping is what caught Joel’s attention first followed by the absolute agony that was his right side. Was he finally in hell? Cause nothing could be worse than what he was currently experiencing.

“Gave everyone quite a scare there,” Tommy was sitting beside him, a cup of coffee held loosely in his hands.

“Yeah, well that’s what happens when your sister-in-law ends up stabbing you,” Joel said it so nonchalantly that even he was shocked.

Wait! He hadn’t gotten the chance to tell anyone that Maria was behind all of the murders!

“We already know, Joel, ended up figuring it out after you pulled up in her car. All the evidence was in the fucking basement,” Tommy was sickened by himself, he was the reason so many women were dead.

“She been taken into custody? I want to make sure that my girls are safe,” It was more than that, but Joel wasn’t going to spill any more information than needed.

“Yeah, they’re still scouring the house for anything else they might find. I’m a fucking suspect by the way,” Shit, that meant Joel and the girls were going to be questioned as well.

“Make sure they don’t go after Sarah or Ellie without me present, they’re still kids,” Tommy flinched at the word kids, why did that bother Joel so much?

Tommy didn’t stay long after Joel finally woke up, mentioning how he needed to be interviewed since the murderer happened to be his own wife. He was sure they’d come to interview him while he was stuck in a hospital bed, that way they’d get all the answers they needed. The stab wound wouldn’t be enough to prove he was innocent, people had done crazier shit before. As long as the girls were safe Joel could sleep a little easier.

“Hello?” You popped your head in the door, right hand resting against the doorknob.

“Hey, didn’t expect to see you,” Joel pressed the button on the side of his bed to help lift it more.

“Sarah told me what happened, I came over as soon as I got the chance,” You frowned as you walked closer to him.

The damage was hidden under the gown he had on, leaving everything to imagination except for the man who’d been dealt the wound.

“I promise it sounds much worse than it actually is,” Joel knew everyone was going to worry over him, especially Sarah and Ellie when they got to visit.

“You don’t need to act strong for me,” You grabbed onto one of his hands, lacing your fingers together before plopping down in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs.

“Just being honest darling, I know better than to hide anything from you,” Joel was happy that you had come to visit, it was a nice break from all the pain and anguish.

Two FBI agents showed up, and as much as Joel tried to hide his shock, he could only keep it together for so long. The woman standing before him was someone he’d lost contact with after he went into the academy. Though he couldn’t be surprised she’d managed to work her way up to the FBI.

“Nice to see you too Miller,” Tess smiled at him, her hair was so much shorter than the last time they’d seen one another. “Could say the same to you, but I doubt this is what you’d call good circumstances,” Joel gestured to his side that was covered.

You were still holding onto his hand except now you were nervous on who this new person was, from the way they spoke to one another it was obvious there was a deep past. She didn’t keep up pretenses though, diving right in to asking Joel any and every question she could. He kept it straightforward, giving any kind of detail that would help in the case against Maria. It sent chills down your spin listening to the harrowing tale that was Joel’s near death experience. He of course acted like this was a normal tuesday for him.

“If we need any more information we’ll be in contact, stay safe,” Tess and her partner left with a quick goodbye, leaving you and Joel to settle back into silence.

Joel didn’t want to worry anyone, let alone you or the girls, and right now his biggest worry was making sure Maria was behind bars. There were other fish to fry, but that was the main one.

~~~

Joel was downright exhausted. From dealing with the murder trials, to having to go to physical therapy to help get more mobility in his right side. Everything was becoming too much and Joel was over it. Sarah and Ellie had come back from his moms when he’d been home for nearly a week, each of them taking turns yelling at him. He just reminded them that sometimes his job was deadly. They were still gathering evidence to charge her properly, most people were demanding the death penalty since she’d murdered as many as twenty different women.

Joel was thankful his name was kept out of the limelight, that no one had known he was related to the murderer's husband. It was more to keep Sarah and Ellie’s names out of the press and prevent anyone from coming after them as revenge. The families had poured into the courtroom, crying silently as each name was listed amongst the victims.

It wasn’t until the fifth day of trial that Joel was finally called up onto the stand to give his testimony. He told them everything that happened, images of his wounds being pulled up to show the jurors. It was a harsh reminder that Joel was even still healing as he sat in front of everyone, pressing a hand against his side as though the wound would reopen.

“Mr. Miller, is it true that you and your brother both work for the detective agency?” Maria’s lawyer was a scummy bastard, he’d given off bad vibes from day one. “Yes,” Joel wasn’t sure where they were going with their questions, as the defense was doing everything they could to make sure she didn’t go to prison.

“And is it true that you were always the first one on scene?” What the hell?

“Not always, sometimes it would be my brother Tommy, or other times it would be Bill,” Joel slid his hands down to his lap.

The courtroom was nearly silent as David, Maria’s lawyer, turned to face the jury. He had to have had evidence to disprove something Joel was saying.

“Now Joel, it’s no secret that you or your brother had an interest in younger women before,” Joel was taken aback, he hadn’t so much as dated since Sarah was a child.

“Objection!” Marc, one of the DA's, shouted loud enough to cut off David’s weird tirade.

“Stay on track Mr. Winters,” The judge even seemed annoyed with wherever David was taking his bullshit.

“Apologies, now if I may reiterate my statement, your brother had been sleeping with the victims prior to them being murdered, correct?” David turned to face Joel suddenly, a sickening smile on his face.

“Yes, Maria strictly went after those women because he had been sleeping with them during their marriage,” There was clearly some kind of bullshit statement he needed to make.

Everyone became tense as they waited for David to drop the bomb that was sitting on the tip of his tongue.

“And is it true you knew one of the victims personally?” Joel’s brow furrowed, he’d only known one of them from the diner he frequented with the girls.

“She was a waitress at a diner I take my two daughters to, we didn’t know each other outside of her employer,” David clearly had not liked his answer if the way he suddenly scowled was any answer.

Did he think that Joel was sleeping with all these random young women after his brother had? What kind of sick fuck did he take him for?

“No further questions your honor,” David quickly went and took his seat, Maria angrily whispering into his ear.

Joel stepped down from the stand, heading back to sit in his original seat while the jurors headed off for deliberation. With all of the families now knowing who Joel was, keeping Ellie and Sarah safe was going to be his top priority. What if they tried confronting him after the trial?

“The jury reached their verdict,” Marc leaned back to where Joel was sitting, whispering softly enough so no one else heard him.

Shit, that was quick.

Each juror took their original spots, standing up and waiting until the judge had been given the slip of paper that held their answers. Joel waited with bated breath, hoping the news would give him some peace of mind.

“In the charge of first degree murder of Lily Evans, we the jury find the defendant guilty,” The rush that fell over Joel was euphoric.

Each name spoken was followed by a guilty, all the victims that had suffered were getting the justice they so rightfully deserved. The families were crying louder, thanking the heavens their children’s deaths were not in vain. Joel couldn’t look at Tommy, to see the reaction he had after hearing the woman he’d loved was being charged.

The first thing Joel was going to do would be take a damn vacation and get the girls out of the town for at least a week. It was a good thing it was summer which meant they didn’t have to worry about school, but right now he wasn’t thinking about that. The clawing notion that there was something his brother was hiding still bothered him. He wouldn’t ask Maria what that meant, the last thing he would do is associate himself with a murderer.

“I’m gonna head home and see how the girls are doing,” Joel slipped his overcoat back on, fixing his tie so it looked more presentable once more.

“Alright, tell ‘em I said hello,” Tommy’s voice was void of emotion, nearly lifeless.

Joel didn’t waste another second before rushing out of the courtroom, narrowly missing the reporters that were waiting outside to get any information. He’d probably spill the beans to you after he saw the two girls and got a decent meal in him. Sarah had been worried about him since the incident, and now she could rest a little easier knowing he’d be home more. Maybe he could order in and they’d sit and watch a movie together. As soon as he pulled up to the house his entire plan was washed away.

You were standing outside with Sarah and Ellie, laughing at something one of the girls had said. Normally Joel wouldn’t be upset if his girls were talking to someone, as long as he knew about them or of them, but your relationship was too new. Had they heard about you through one of the neighbors? No, Joel had been careful not to kiss you while the two of you were outside at all.

“Dad!” Sarah ran over the moment Joel had parked the car, throwing her arms around his middle carefully.

“Hey sweetpea, you behaving like I told you to?” Joel hugged her a little tighter, letting her know he was here to stay.

“Yeah, Y/N’s been keeping us company for a couple hours since it got late,” That made sense, the girls were probably worried he wouldn’t be home again.

“Why don’t we go inside and order something for dinner, it’s been a long few weeks,” Even though he was beyond exhausted, Joel was going to make sure his girls were happy.

Sarah ran inside with Ellie, leaving you and Joel outside to talk. Well, Joel assumed that’s what it was at least.

“Hey there handsome,” You smiled up at him, pressing a hand against his chest. “Hey, they cause any trouble for you?” Joel needed to make sure everything was alright, parental instincts always on high gear.

“No they were perfectly fine, I wanted to keep them away from the news during the trial,” Well that was a relief.

“Thank you, it means a lot,” He would tell them eventually, but right now he wanted to put this all behind him.

Joel offered to let you eat with them, but you politely declined, saying that you had plans with a couple friends and would see him for your next date. Joel watched you until you were safely inside your house, pulling out his phone to order in some food. He might have gone overboard and ordered both pizza and chinese, but the girls deserved a little treat.

“Food should be here in a half hour, why don’t you guys get a movie set up,” Joel headed up to his bedroom, leaving the girls to their own devices.

He stripped down quickly, throwing on his comfiest pairs of sweats and a threadbare t-shirt that had definitely seen better days. Just because it had paint from before Sarah was born didn’t mean it had to be thrown out. He had talked with Frank about taking a couple weeks off once the trial was over, and now he was going to cash in on that.

“Food’s here!” Ellie’s voice was loud enough to carry up into Joel’s room.

Joel grabbed his wallet and headed back down to pay for the food so the girls could start eating and relax. He was surprised to see both delivery drivers already but it meant not having to get up multiple times to pay. Joel quickly paid for both meals, along with a hefty tip and handed the girls the food to separate. Ellie was screeching about how excited she was for the chinese, whereas Sarah was more excited for the pizza.

Joel let the girls make their own plates before getting any food for himself, they had gotten a movie ready to go while he was getting changed. He chuckled when he realized it was one of the new Star Wars movies that had come out recently. It was better to just let the girls choose instead of arguing for something else.

“Sarah keeps picking this movie cause she thinks Poe’s cute,” Ellie giggled when Sarah threw an eggroll at her.

“Shut up!” Sarah was nearly mortified, immediately shoving another bite of pizza into her mouth.

“Huh, he kind of looks like the ADA I met with today,” Joel was shocked at how similar they looked, the man was a real doppelganger.

Sarah’s head whipped around, he just opened a whole can of worms hadn’t he?

“No I’m not introducing you to someone I probably won’t see again for a while,” Joel scooped a forkful of rice into his mouth.

“Please? You won’t take me to meet Oscar Isaac so I have to make do!” Sarah wasn’t above begging to get what she wanted.

“I’ll take you to meet whoever this actor is as long as you don’t misbehave, got it?” Joel wouldn’t admit he’d bought tickets for the three of them to attend the con they had been talking about for ages.

“Thank you!” Sarah was all but vibrating in her seat.

Joel knew that he was doing the right thing, the girls would be much happier with the surprise that they were going. And once they got back home he would be starting his own investigation on the last person he wanted to do this to.

Tommy.

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