#forgot anything and everything around me
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I am….. 97.8% certain I have seen him wear glasses before…
I’m not sure where…. I’m not sure when… But I HAD to have seen them at some point…
Also original sketch if you wanna see it ig
#bring back dr phil smg3#let him flex his degree again I BEG#BTW#I locked in so hard cleaning this sketch good LORD#completely zoned in#forgot anything and everything around me#my art#smg4#smg4 fanart#smg3#smg4 smg3
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#spnedit#spn 5x18#dean winchester#sam winchester#hey so my kid is away for prom weekend and i'm too sick to do anything productive around the house or work so i thought hey lets make a gif#this took me SO LONG i used to be so fast at these and i forgot how to do everything lol#anyway i am mostly dormant at posting but my heart is always partially here with you guys and with sam and dean <3#my gifs
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Sorry ab the shitty English translations/localizations, it's bc they think that Americans won't get it otherwise (bc when we act stupid, we act REALLY stupid), our bad 💀
#ganondoodles answers#ganondoodles talks#for the record- this is mostly a joke#i have .. alot of gripes with alot of it#but i know localization isnt easy this isnt supposed to hate on the people doing it#.............. i can still dislike it though#the most annoying part is that the largest .. or most accessible part of the fandom is english only and i have to deal with all the english#-versions which are always so darn different .. and sometimes stupid .. im sorry ....#one of the wildest things was watching a non english stream and the guy puzzling over a riddle in a shrine quest#and people posting him the english text of the quest that just ... spells out the solution#AND then complaining about how bad the german one is bc he and others seemed to assume english is the center language of everything#ITS A RIDDLE#ITS NOT A RIDDLE OF YOU DONT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT#not plainly telling you the solution to a (not even that hard) puzzle isnt a sign of bad translation !!!!!!!!!! TOT#im not beyond being dumb btw#a few shrines in totk i left bc i freakign forgot the stupid abilities#but thats ok!!!! i went back at some point and thought man was i stupid#and thats not a bad thing!! maybe thats why all the shrines where so piss easy in general#so as few people as possible can get stuck on some .. whichs is so ... pls .. i want to think#let me get mad for a minute even if im not in a good mood and then return and see my own stupidity#....but also the shrines in totk just werent fun (to me to meeeee to meeeeee)#nigh all of it was just fiddling around with ultrahand ... and not even building anything fun- glue wheel to platform- shrine done yippiiie#make bridge- yippiiii- ...nevermind how you can pretty much skip everything all the time so easily (which i didnt do .. still wasnt that fu
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i stop eating my popcorn when it's a quiet scene lmao i stop eating it because i know it Makes Noise and i want everybody to just be able to focus on the film . while some people decide THAT'S the moment they have to tell their friend something????????? you couldn't wait until the scene was at least over??????????
#and i fucking hate when ppl laugh when nothing that's on the screen is supposed to be funny in any way lmao#can you get a fucking grip#the moment is all quiet and serious and then this mf bursts out laughing mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm wonderful#they also moved around a lot .#waved their hands around and everything#the guy sat up in his chair a good few times and he was literally in front of the screen lmao#maybe they fucking forgot they WEREN'T in the last row#also . there is a good chance they were doing some Funny Business#which is also just#great#she had a little thing in her hand and i at first thought it was a smart watch or smth lmao#but why keep it in your hand and not on your hand and why have it close by and not in your bag#and now that i say this them moving around so much makes more sense too doesn't it#😍😍😍😍😍#i don't understand how some people have so little regard for others#no matters whatsoever#it really did piss me off so fucking much#again i think if it had been a funny little movie . them laughing and talking wouldn't had mattered so much#but can you just fucking read the room#we're watching this relatively QUIETTTTTTTTTTTT horror film#this is not the place nor the time for any of that#sighh#i hate it#left a fucking mess behind too lmao didn't throw their shit away or anything#kysssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss#mayor of loserville
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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going hey now what in the at this compressed playlist thumbnail like i Have seen this waitress promo image & the krampus is there fr
#i would not be surprised to find out she has baked in a professional capacity....she has that warmth#surprised anytime i've ever heard of anything like knowing vaguely abt waitress is one thing but then like & that pic i've seen? wadda#actually that otherwise my direct waitress exposure was that curtain call video from bway (re)opening? like show me nik dodani then#going like stop showing me whoever this is (sara bareilles) zoom out or look Over at our guy whose name they forgot to say? funny guy life#that livestream interview where they baked during it & he left in the middle to go get butter lmao. i forget Everything Else but hey#like idk who anyone is or what any shows are or who's been in them but then the [everyone's all over the place. but also not] happening#just a relief if you're not jumpscared by someone having been in billions. who was i looking up w/Surprise Production Pic like noooo#the end of that interview w/joe iconis where it was like Emojis Representing Shows (already difficult) but then no pressure like these are#shows any of your frequenters & accomplices have been in. & then when joe was like ''who do i know who was in that'' & it was aj shively#i was like Banana Kevin. is my reference there lmao. so often like my grasp of an iconis person is centrally some/an Xmas Xtrav role fr#& then from there like ah yes from my youtube cabaret videos. fighting to look up the other day like oh this specific show will mentions#in a deh vid; only i only found stuff abt a whole other production....guess Undergrad Work On (Others') New Musicals is bound to be so#early development that you're not liable to have coverage / documentation. & now to Really bring this around to a tangential close#just kicking my legs like how much do we owe john simpkins o7
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[staring out the window but it's just a sticker on the wall] i actually need to make something right now or i'll espode
#just me hi#didn't really do anything yesterday and i have some neat ideas that i haven't gotten around to because of the Sludge#but ouuuu Aura.....#yea..#//also think i want a sweet drink rn#prolly soda ngl. favorite poison :3#//i had to reset my computer (bugging out) and for some reason it signed me out of everything ? boop ??#anyway so that means ytm autoplay got turned back on. which i rarely enjoy but i don't have the power to turn it off rn so i'm just#tolerating everything that comes on loll#which i'd Like to say it's like the radio but i really really like the station i listen to often and i Understand it's gonna be a roulette#//OH YEAAA i forgot about my mp3 project !! !!!!#so i think i mentioned it can hold images too which is Sickkkk and you can put the images on a slideshow which is even cooler#and bc you can listen to audio while doing that at the same time i was thinking well this is just infinite potential here. this could be#everything khfbvshg :333#i wanna try a shorter + smaller story first.. prolly a short ghost story cuz spooky is just easier for me to do lol#ik what the visuals will prolly look like but the audio cues are where i'm a bit Hmmm abt em hfshg#i'm thinking i could put All of the audio in just like 2-3 files (for tutorials on how to use the machine for the story :) ) which isn't#hard#and cuz if you need to pause for whatever reason it's next to impossible to figure out where you are properly meant to be anyway#Yeaa i'll prolly do that :)#but if it turns out well i want to do some more complicated stuff!!#like i was thinkin and there's like a second between each pic where it could look like smth is just Kinda animated#which could be really cool and offsetting in the right spots :33#i'm really excited abt it hbfhsv - prolly cuz it feels like a new medium which always gets my gears moving lol :>#//anyway i'm gonna run out of tag space in a sec lol--#just realized the reason i tend to have my last tag cut off at the end is bc i forget to count my talk tag as. a tag. lmfvsfhvjsf#anyWay yea!!! toodles ^w^
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dreamily sighs and screams
#getting emotional about ben because im never normal about ANYTHING in my life ......#just hdgjdfg UHFDGF WAH#hes so special to me....... probably why the colour green means so much to me... why its always been a fav colour of mine for who knows how#long#i like red too... obviously.#but like#he is so special to me. like i said. hes so special to me and i get ridiculously happy#i forgot how happy he makes me....#genuinely forgot how comforting this fandom is..... its so comforting#whys gushing on here so scary. i dont know. it makes no sense.#ughhhhhh#i mean ive been thinking about fanon a lot i love fanon so much it is so special to me#found family trope fr#but like sometimes i think how people treat fanon him and it makes me so sad :(#or maybe im remembering it incorrectly#but theyre always so mean to him .... or make him this comic relief character in fics#like yeah!!! he is REALLY SILLY!!!!!#but we forget hes a trickster!!!! he likes playing devious means to others!!!!!#hes so smart to me i dont know!!!!! he goes through your electronics!!!! he can mess with your files!!!!#honestly he can probably do more than that im just jittery with nerves lol#but oh ok guys. lets just make the coolest guy ever just be the comic relief gamer instead ok man. whatever.#i like the fact fanon depicts him as a gamer thats fun i love that so much :)#BUT STILL HDUGJFGFHFG#HES SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT IM GOING TO THROW MYSELF INTO ORBIT#hes so special to me. hes the worst guy ever when he wants to be. he probably has attachment issues. hes just a silly little guy.#hes everything to me#<- i wish i can remember more and more about him but i cant#all i know is i remembered cleverbot and how you could “interact” with him through it and it made me so ridiculously happy ;-;#of course i know now it was people just playing around and hoping to get something out of it BUT ITS NICE TO THINK ABOUT#sorry hes the most fascinating character to me in the entire world
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Ugh. I’m so grumpy. Had plans to get fucked today. And like it’s totally not the time for my period but like am spotting some and like while it wouldn’t be my fave, this guy is very not about fucking me then.
#my period has been annoying lately#was two days late at it’s last regularly scheduled time#and now this#this is very out of the norm for me#usually the most that happens is like me stressing myself out of a period#usually birth control keeps everything on schedule w just the occasional in too stressed#ughh#I kinda think I messed things up from being too paranoid about getting pregnant#like there was a day i forgot to take birth control till a while later than when I normally do#and hooked up w someone#and bc i used to have a horrible history of never staying on birth control#I just like always keep a generic plan b or two around#and I think that’s just like a high dose of hormonal birth control stuff maybe idk#but like I do know it can through things off some#so like I don’t think anything wild is going on#but it’s sure annoying
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ive been a little upset about it all night so i need to write out all the things that happened at work today and are bugging me so i can TRY to get it out of my head and actually RELAX bc i just keep pacing in circles around it instead of just accepting it and moving on
#for context i was working frying chicken today. ok so i arrive and literally all the chicken out expires within ten minutes of each other#meanwhile to remake everything takes about an hour 20#tried my best to get everything out and replaced and make sure i have enough of everything and then take my break bc with chicken there are#few narrow windows to take your break in you have very little control over when it is#get back and while im getting ready for my next fry one of the assistant leaders comes back and passive aggressively asks 'everything ok?'#and when i say yeah shes starts saying how shes 'just checking' because apparently i didnt have enough chicken out for her liking and went#on about how we're in a chicken drive (I KNOW. I WORK CHICKEN SHE NEVER HAS.)#etc etc. i just say ok and she leaves#like 20 minutes later she comes fucking back to rag on me again about how i need to choose my break times better and i need to have more#chicken out there as back up (extremely difficult bc there is literally only so much room in the fryers. the batches i usually make already#nearly completely fill them up) blah blah and then when i try to explain how i WAS making pretty big batches people are just snatching them#up fast she keeps trying to walk out the door right away and keeps stopping and looking over her shoulder to just stare at me while i try t#finish my sentence#and she just. doesnt say anything in response when i do finish she just leaves#so clearly she didnt want a conversation she just wanted to rag on me#then later for cleanup the timing of everything just kept lining up inconveniently so i kept having to get in and out of raw cleaning gear#and slowing myself down and i end up having to stay almost 15 minutes late to finish cleaning#during cleaning i have to go grab a key to the back door to take out my trash and this one coworker i have was standing in the way of the#door. i say excuse me and she just stares at me and goes huh?#and i say i need a key and she barely moves out of the way without responding and she has a look like im bothering her#why are you acting like im being douchey. i just need a key. thats something she does a lot she acts like im inconveniencing her by asking#basic favors . ive stopped asking her to help me open the back door (sometimes needed if i also have raw garbage to take out and therefore#cant touch the key myself) for some reason she takes it upon herself to almost completely close the door after i walk out so when i come#back i have to awkwardly use my foot to reach around and pull the door open#ive asked her before not to do it and she just ignored me#GRAH GRAH. and then like i said in my last rb i realized while i was drivign home i forgot to wash a damn pan#im mostly worried about it because ive forgotten a couple times in the past too . in my defense its a pan i personally dont use but it just#gets left behind from first shift sometimes and then second shifters end up having to make sure its clean#im just irritateddd and im mad im worried about it all. its all little things piling up on each other#LOL I WROTE A LOT MORE BUT THE REST GOT CUT OUT IG I HIT A TAG LIMIT. tumblr voice ok dude quit your bitching !!
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i do not want to get out of bed omfg. this week has been so fucking insane im exhausted but we have aprogram tonight until 7 and i have to facilitate and there are a million things to do today
#but i got my p*riod and cotaught on tuesday and broke up w my counselor on monday and a few days before that redacted redacted so im ph#physically and emotionally exhausted but we have this program tonight until 7 and then 2 trainings tomorrow andi have like 2 meetings inbetw#between those. and i just want to sleep and/or lie down w a heating pad bc my cramps have been brutal this time around. literally could#barely get work done on tuesday bc i was in AGONY and forgot my heating pad and no one could bring it to me from home but it s like i have n#nowhere on campus to lie down or get checked out or anything bc im not a student anymore so i need to just writhe at my desk (<- i have one#of those now finally btw 🥹💗) and jusf hope i don’t pass out. and i didn’t but it was so bad and im not recovered from it yet. idk.#everything is so much. there are some intense and in some cases horrible things happening. iwwish we had time to pause and process them and#that we weren’t so tired and stretched all the time. i wish we didn’t have all these pressures to worry about. i wish we could just have#time to love each other and check in truly and to support each other bc we are friends before we are colleagues methinks and i jsut want us#to be ok and happy and rested and healthy. idk. augh#delete later#purrs#also i think i am not normal when it comes to cramps btw. i think maybe it might not be normal to be in this much pain. or maybe im just#weak or have a low pain tolerance but i feel like it’s a lot worse than it used to be + i get cramps at Other times too and it’s ummmm bad.#ask to tag#like how absolutely insane that this is a huge part of my life and i feel like i can’t even talk abt it and it’s so embarrassing but it#literaly is like.. every other week im scared that im gonna be unable to function bc of pain but i literally say nothing at all and just smi#smile and pretend im fine and barely talk abt it. i don’t think that’s good or normal. and i think ppl should talk abt p*ripds more so it’s#not as weird or bad or gross or cringe whatever to talk abt being in pain and to accommodate urself or whatever despite other ppl knowing#abt it. cringeeeee augh i don’t want to be one of Those people but like. it’s bad and i fucking hate it
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thinking abt....🛍️
#entirely random thought i felt like sharing#when im speedier/better at drawing and writing this will become more apparent but#i have REALLY DETAILED fashion hcs for all the holic characters#built off of their prior fits and stuff#and patterns and prints they're associated with and trying to apply them to casual wear#one of my fav silhouettes is haori + crop top + shorts#its so breezy and fancy while being kinda laid back still#i forgot where i was going with this but half the time i picture#🐣 in my head hes wearing coords like that#like#still wearing kimono type garments for casual faffing around daily activities but layered with like y2k and casuals#stuff that shows off that the main holic cast have legs for days tends to be fun to imagjne coords wise#and stuff that reflects yuukos y2k glamour type fits when she goes out to check client situations#haori get lots of compliments when you wear them as part of a casual look i think cause ppl expect 'kimono jackets' to be super flimsy#i have like one non japanese kimono jacket type thing and its super floaty and detailed and silky hed wear tf out of that#i have fashion brain so everything comes down to fashion for me even when im coming up with headcanons and fic ideas#im also a big haori enjoyer they are easy to get hold of and make a big impression while being casually wearable outside of jp#but yeah i like to imagine 🐣 would wear lots of haori + y2k crop + jeans or shorts#or on the other side stuff that reflects rou era like long dresses or pleated maxi pants or silky long sleeve stuff#plus because hes clamps silly little dress up doll you can just go insane w him its not like its not canon or anything#i had an art concept ages ago i wanna draw still where the golden trio switch aesthetics so 🌻 is in sorta retro chill monochrome casuals#🏹 is in kinda y2k and haori style stuff and 🐣 is in gothic lolita#🌻s mix of like soft casuals and gothic lolita is SO GOOD shes the girl of all time#anyway u cant say 🐣🌻 wouldnt share and trade clothes and you cant say 🐣 wouldnt inherit at least 1 old school moi meme moitie piece#i like the idea that 🐣🌻 can freely share clothes cause they have a similar body shape and size but 🏹 is a bit too tall and a bit buffer#but then that also means 🐣 can wear 🏹 clothes AHAHAHA my master plan#one of my actual irl 'love languages' when it comes to my friends is aspiring to become the friend with the infinitely lendable closet#like out of a chick flick or something#characters sharing clothes or switching aesthetics platonically or romantically is very appealing to me#tldr FASHION BRAIN FULL!!!!! FASHION BRAIN FULL!!!
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having adhd is often just feeling bad because other people with adhd will seemingly function better than you so your struggle feels like a fake excuse but also seeing other people with adhd be far more chaotic and feeling like a fake entirely for just about getting by
#whenever someone with adhd achieves something wow good for them fr#but it makes me feel horrific#like I couldn’t function in academia at all#i can’t really function in the work place either#I can just about function at home if I’m not worried about work so. for the next 2 weeks I suppose#but then also I have a friend who’s nearly set his home on fire multiple times cos he forgot to switch off the gas hob#and people who can’t write coherent sentences for the degree of chaos their brain is going through#i just feel like in a medium sphere of it all#I’ve curbed a lot of my impulses and planned around certain things#such as long acting birth control so I’m not gonna have any accidents#and trying to lock away money outside of my budget cos as seen this month I will spend everything if not watched#I rly fucked myself financially this month#but for the most part I’m not heading towards ruin in that regard#but I also feel like I can’t do anything at all except exist#like if I work I can only work casually. which unfortunately doesn’t cut it even in the most basic jobs these days#it’s just hard . I do want to achieve things#I’m in that spot where i just feel quite pathetic
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look i love making sae be the one who's so in love and showering hajun with so much love and affection but it's much more fun to think that HE fell harder than her
#it's the she fell first he fell harder thing. gooodd hjs have such common dynamic the frustrating and infuriating type#like look at first she have a crush on him right but as a model. that girl is literally a moth she gets attracted by those with light#though at first she admires him as a model and knew him through toma- her kamioshi. though i think... she just starts admiring him a lot?#she literally went through a 'highschool crush' phase but late since she was like. at college 😭#observed him... wow he's a lot similar to her than she thought. that guy puts up a smile in front of strangers and keep people at a distanc#he looked... strangely alone. why? even though he have friends too. she saw herself in hajun and... didnt want to be like him#will she keep putting up a face too? will she keep lying to herself? and would that make her alone in the end as well? she didnt want that.#so shes like yknow what? let's be shameless. her friends had been so loving of her unconditionally.#she thought that they'll leave after highschool and yet... and yet they stayed. they keep approaching her.#and come to think of it... they're always the ones giving effort for her right? when it comes to planning for hang outs-#they're always the one to reach out. never her. shouldnt she return the favor then? love them as much as they love her#pour all her heart out. she used to do it- she can do it again. love people unconditionally without expecting anything from them.#surely this time it'd be different. surely it wont drain her. even if there's a chance they'll leave her- it doesnt matter now.#she knows she gave her everything and that's enough for her. maybe she'll feel better if she had realized this when she was a child...#but that's okay now! so for now! lesson learned: dont be hajun#but also sae. just have a different view of hajun in her head 😭??? like she admits she didnt really know hajun before but actually meeting#him must be so complicated for her lol like this guy used to be her crush! and she got to talk to him but holy shit he's lowkey an asshole😭#not even lowkey but he really is a bitch lmfaaooo so like. damn 'i forgot i used to have a crush on this guy like i used to like him???'#'in what way??? (his looks dont even deny it sweetie)' i think her crush on him in the past made her more snappy towards him now lmfao#like 'gooooddd i used to have a crush on THIS GUY??? that's making me piiisseedd' LMAAAOOO 😭😭#i genuinely have NOOOOO idea how they started having this dynamic but it's just. them lowkey insulting each other? not really INSULT insult#but rather bickering masked by politeness? like 💢^^) (^^💢 selfish ohime-sama vs black hearted prince#but the one who's usually losing here would be sae ngl and hajun's mostly the one being playful tho tbf they CAN calmly talk to each other#sometimes they just become competitive? sae herself is a competitive one at first it would be 'oho~ let's see how long he can keep this up~#to 'give up already!!!! my social battery isn't gonna last long!!!!!!!!' and hajun's just watching her lose it every time 😭😭#ah.... my absolutely pathetic daughter im so sorry..... when it comes to him she gets unreasonably annoyed. just who does he think he is?#and yet she can't even feel arrogant around him. she knows bae are on a different league than her. that's why despite being very friendly a#expressing her admiration towards them she still puts up a barrier around them? it's not that deep she have her own close friends#yumeshipping — hajusae [prri]
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Jamis' POV before The Arno Incident ™:
youtube
#OKAY#hes insecure#he thinks hes lost his captains trust forever#thinks everything is his fault and that noone wants him around#and suddenly appears a man that youve never heard off before and your captain/bbf/unknown crush is trusting him with everything#jamis was listening to this before saying#i wish you looked at me like that instead#anyways#ah almost forgot#the song is far more conscious about the feelings etc than jamis is with#well#anything#tiger tiger#tiger tiger spoilers
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SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING SO HARD WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK
#i was like huh whats that noise. bc i can normally NEVER hear anything over my headphones but it was the rain fucking shattering it down#my bed is WET the window was only open a few inches 😭#anyway had no signal at work again today smfh. but at least they let me on the bus free on the way there this morning#still a bit wobbly im in the baby deer phase of post major depressive episode#roommate asked how i was doing when she got home and i very very nearly started crying but i didnt i was so brave#my insane insecurity and anger swings post rsd episode have mostly faded too thank fuck. only took 4 days which is pretty good for me#but im still so so tired it takes everything out of me...#when im recovered + can talk abt it without making myself upset again im promising myself i will talk to her abt the rsd if nothing else#but i really really dont want to make her feel bad abt it at all its genuinely not anyones fault. but its important to me that i say smth#just so we can avoid it happening again where possible bc it does really suck so bad. for everyone im sure but mostly me here#and i would like to be able to care abt ppl and have close friends without risking my entire mental (+ physical..) wellbeing 😭#i think if im still struggling w mood once my meds stabilise i might ask if there are options to help w that too#like i think ive gone as far as i can w therapeutic techniques rn. its just too overwhelmingly intense and reflexive for me to apply that#and i dont feel like i live my life around it or in fear of it anymore like generally i have been a lot better#but when im vulnerable and it DOES strike i have no defense against it whatsoever and it can tank everything for weeks#its just high stakes. and it'll help to make sure ppl know abt it and might be able to support etc but it would be nice to never worry abt#so worth trying meds for it maybe. i just dont rly wanna have the conversations w medical ppl in order to get it in the first place#like i wouldnt feel safe telling a doctor abt it bc the idea of someone with that authority having power over me is terrifying#ah well this isnt a problem for right now. plus stimulants might help me w it anyway once im finished titrating so we'll see#got so distracted typing this i forgot what i was gonna do.... i need to check my planner#and then ill probably read and go to sleep early i think zzzzz#ahhh.. and the birds are singing outside now the rain has stopped :-)#.diaries
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