#which could be really cool and offsetting in the right spots :33

[keeps-ache]

[staring out the window but it's just a sticker on the wall] i actually need to make something right now or i'll espode

[kiwiana-writes]

if you feel so inclined 16) One person pouting, only to have it removed by a kiss from the other person, 20) Kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference or 33) An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it. :)

Thank you so much for the prompt! I like a challenge, so I just... included all three of these 😂 

I WANNA MAKE YOUR MOTOR RUN for @flowertrigger [rated T, 738 words]

You can read this on AO3 here if you’d prefer!

~*~

By the time they finally make it back to Patrick’s apartment it’s gotten dark, and David can feel his grumpiness starting to set in again.

He felt okay after the game. Patrick was solicitous to a fault, keeping ice on his back and fetching him food from the barbecue; the fact that he kept telling David how very, very proud he was didn’t hurt either. But then they’d turned off the grill (which, rude) and Patrick and Ronnie had started sniping at each other, and there had been bugs when the sun had started to set, and as the air had cooled he’d started to realise just how sweaty and dirty he was.

Patrick is a few steps ahead of him on the stairs, and David is so out of sorts he can’t even bring himself to appreciate the very nice view that is being afforded to him. He feels gross in a way even thinking about Patrick’s blatant admiration of his outfit earlier can’t offset, and the spot on his back where the ball hit him is really starting to throb. He desperately needs a shower, has to try and wash off all the grime of the day, and it all just seems so hard. He knows he’s sulking and he’s glad Patrick is ahead of him because Patrick would absolutely start teasing him about his long face right now, and he’s not in the mood.

One more flight of stairs to go. So close, yet so far; his energy is flagging and he takes a deep breath, trying to muster up the strength for the last few steps he needs to take before they can get inside and at the very least, he can strip this offensive polyester off. Patrick, by contrast, is practically bouncing up the stairs and ugh, it’s so unfair. Patrick gets all keyed up and… frenetic after baseball games and normally that very much works to David’s advantage, but tonight his head is aching and all he wants to do is crawl into bed.

He heaves a deep sigh, pouting as he thinks of all that energy going to waste. Patrick’s feet have just hit the landing and he whirls at the sound, his eyes raking over David before he can figure out how to school his expression. He’s braced for a teasing remark so it’s a shock when Patrick grabs his face in both hands and kisses him so hard he has to grip the handrail to keep himself upright; he’s still several steps below which means Patrick is sort of… looming over him. And David has kissed people taller than him before, of course he has, but it’s been a long time and the last person David had to tilt his head back to kiss was Sebastien fucking Raine — if you don’t count that horribly awkward moment with Jake, which David doesn’t — and neither of those are exactly good memories, so David had forgotten that he kind of really likes it. He moans into Patrick’s mouth, trying to deepen the kiss, but Patrick pulls back to run a thumb along his jaw.

“You look exhausted, David,” he says softly and David blinks because… is he? He’s no longer dreaming about having a quick shower and collapsing into bed; he’s thinking about Patrick looking down at him instead of up, and all the other situations he gets to see that. He opens his mouth to protest his tiredness but to his horror, all that comes out is a huge yawn.

“Yeah, that’s what I mean,” Patrick laughs. “Come on, let’s get you in the shower. I want to put something on your back before you go to sleep; you’re going to have a hell of a bruise tomorrow.”

“Mm, I am very injured,” David says. “Because of all the sports. It might not be safe for me to shower alone.”

Patrick rolls his eyes, but his grin is wide and sparkling. “Well, I suppose I could help with that, in the interest of safety. You were the hero today, after all.” The tone and words are both teasing, but they’re also… not, and David doesn’t bother trying to hide the smile he knows is spreading across his face.

“I think you mean I’m the VIP,” he says. Patrick hauls him up the last few stairs so they’re on even footing again before pulling him in for another kiss.

“Yeah, you are.”

[50 types of kisses] // [ASKS OPEN FOR THESE!]

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30th December 2018 - its Christmas ennit

So, there are twelve Christmas songs I need to review and no new arrivals. Hence, I’m not going to take myself too seriously on this one, so be prepared for a more lighthearted, funnier and most importantly shorter episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS right after the usual. Anyways, the chart is pretty much three quarters Christmas this week (28 holiday songs) – joy. Let’s go into what survived, what suffered and the Top 10.

Top 10

We have a new number-one – for its first week, ten weeks into its chart run, “Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max has reached the top spot. I’m not necessarily complaining because it’s not a bad song, but it still isn’t very festive.

Now: the holidays, because as soon as I start celebrating New Years and the dawn of 2019, there’s a Christmas avalanche (unfortunately, none by the Avalanches). “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey is up three spots to the runner-up place. This could have gone to number-one, which is insane.

“Last Christmas” by WHAM! is up four spots to number-three.

“Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl is up seven spaces to number-four.

“thank u, next” by Ariana Grande is down two places to number-five.

“Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid moves up seven positions to number-six. Blech.

“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé is beginning to look a lot more popular as it slides past nine positions all the way up to number-seven.

“One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis proves itself surprisingly well, up eleven spots to number-eight.

Shakin’ Stevens has an identical boost as “Merry Christmas Everyone” travels up to number-nine.

Finally rounding off our top 10, at #10 we have “Step into Christmas” by Elton John, up eight spaces from last week.

Christmas Nonsense

“Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea is up 11 to #11, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard is up 12 to #12, and just to ruin our streak is “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande, moving up ten spaces to #13, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee is up five to #16, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade is up 19 to #17, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon, Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Community Choir is up 11 to #18, “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney is up 15 to #20, “We Built This City on Sausage Rolls” (yes, this is a Christmas song) by LadBaby is DOWN 20 spaces from its top-spot debut last week, now at #21 – and that’s it.

What Survived

Really not that much. Outside of the top 10, “Without Me” by Halsey is down nine to #14, “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus is down nine to #15, “Sunflower” from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse by Post Malone and Swae Lee is down nine to #19, “Rewrite the Stars” by James Arthur and Anne-Marie is down 13 to #25, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is somehow UP three spaces to #27, “Lost Without You” by Freya Ridings is down 18 to #32, “Shotgun” by George Ezra is up four to #33, “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Travis Scott and Offset is down 19 to #34 (this is the only rap song on the chart this week, which is crazy considering how big that genre was this year), “Ruin My Life” by Zara Larsson is down 18 to #35, and “Thursday” by Jess Glynne is down a whopping 31 spaces to #40. Now, in the first 600 words or so of this episode, I have name-dropped every single song on the chart right now that is not in any way related to Christmas or the holidays, adding up to a total of about twelve. Why are there so little then? Well, first of all...

What Suffered

Let’s start with songs that aren’t in the top 75 at all. “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez is out from #34 and “when the party’s over” by Billie Eilish is out from #39. These weren’t going to live long anyway. Now, these next songs are ordered by where they are on the top 100 as of this week. “Imagine” by Ariana Grande is out from #8, “A Million Dreams” by P!nk is out from #27, “Baby” by Clean Bandit featuring Luis Fonsi and Marina is out from #25, “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is out from #32, “Close to Me” by Ellie Goulding, Diplo and Swae Lee is out from #28, “Going Bad” by Meek Mill and Drake is out from #26, “Better” by Khalid is out from #33, “Empty Space” by James Arthur is out from #31 – good!, “Advice” by Cadet and Deno Driz is out from #38 and finally, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is out from #40. Jesus. Now, returning entries.

Returning Entries

#39 – “Baby it’s Cold Outside” – Idina Menzel and Michael Bublé

Written in 1944, the dated lyrics that are perceived as rapey and manipulative have caught some flack in recent years – of course, what do you expect? It’s from 1944, you should be grateful it doesn’t have a reference to minstrel shows. Although the lack of adjustment of the lyrics in recent covers like this one has been concerning because people become more aware, and who else than Adele Dazeem and the definition of non-descript to cover this charming yet problematic classic? I’m kidding, of course, because these two personality vacuums make me sick to my stomach with their dull-as-bricks cover of an already lethargic traditional. Somehow at two minutes and 36 seconds, it’s too long, especially with its static production. I’d like to say mixing is slightly odd too, but that’s probably on purpose, although the skits in between verses are pretty cringeworthy. Next.

#38 – “Lonely this Christmas” – Mud

Speaking of lethargic and boring, how about the exhausting song by Mud? It starts with the a-capella “bom-bom-bom-bom” and I feel that symbolises your life flashing past your eyes right before your slow, gruelling death with surf-rock guitars and the lead singer sounding like he has a gum shield in his mouth but was forced to stand in for Lionel Richie at a Christmas charity event. I’m calling it now – this type of lazy, awfully dreary music is the reason all of our substance-less emo-rap and lo-fi nonsense exists now, and if less Mud means less Juice WRLD and joji, I’m all for removing this song out of the British Xmas music canon. Go away, and take your annoying spoken word sections with you. Next.

#37 – “Underneath the Tree” – Kelly Clarkson

Hey, something that doesn’t suck as much as an alcoholic toddler hidden within fields of cattle. Although this still has barely any build-up so the climax (which is about three seconds in, may I add) feels immensely worthless. Kelly sounds great, as usual, but the instrumentation is quite cluttered when the chorus comes in, meaning like all new Christmas pop songs, it has that overproduced vibe, which is a vibe nobody except Kanye can really work well with. I’m all for maximalist production but once you add a sax solo to about 40 layers of plastic tangentially festive loops, you lose me. The hook is an earworm and a half. Next.

#36 – “Stay Another Day” – East 17

This isn’t a Christmas song. It was number-one at Christmas, and it had snow in the video, but that doesn’t mean it’s a Christmas song. Hence, I refuse to review it. It’s pretty rubbish generic boy-band schlock, anyway, and it’s really bottom-of-the-barrel tier of that genre, so no losses here!

#31 – “White Christmas” – Bing Crosby

This is an absolute classic, with elegant, beautiful strings and some of the sweetest vocals I’ve ever heard laid down from the 50s and 60s crooners of their day. The lyrics are as well-written as Christmas songs really got back then, and for the time, this probably sounded good on records. It sounds pretty awful on streaming, actually, there’s a few vocal clippings that are oddly frequent. Seriously, we need a remastered version of this that isn’t by Michael Bublé. When’s the last time we got a white Christmas anyway? Even Crosby had to wish for it 60 years ago, we basically have to pray the whole 12 months. Next.

#30 – “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” – Jackson 5

Kids shouldn’t be singing, okay? None of them are all that good at it especially when it’s a professional, label-backed recording. Michael Jackson has always sounded pretty awful as a kid, both in and out the Jackson 5, to me at least, in my opinion, and it’s no different here, although I’ll admit he sounds okay in his best moments throughout, and the production has some actual funk and groove behind it, so I’ll always appreciate that (although I definitely do appreciate the painful infant Michael Jackson ad-libs). When I typed in “Santa Claus” into Spotify, the first thing to show up was “I’m Gonna Kill Santa Claus”, so that should tell you how I feel about this type of sickly Christmas music in general. Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnext.

#29 – “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” – Andy Williams

It really isn’t, but as much as I disagree with the politics here, the song’s pretty cool. This is actually remastered so I can appreciate every tidbit, from the bass in Andy Williams’ gorgeous voice, the cute lyrics, the beautiful orchestral instrumentation  and the unintentionally lo-fi backing vocals that kind of work as a lower quality in comparison to the rest of the mix because it sounds like a public recording of a chanted vocal in a pub or village or something, like gang vocals in DJ Mustard beats. Why are there ghost stories, though? Was Jack Skellington involved in the making of the song? Either way, this song’s pretty NEXT!

#28 – “Mistletoe”- Justin Bieber

Just because it’s a song that briefly and vaguely references Christmas whilst really being a song about picking up a girl doesn’t mean it’s a Christmas song. I mean, that would imply Lil Wayne’s song about having sex with every girl in the world is a Christmas song, and that’s just wrong.

These hoes is God’s gift like Christmas

Next!

#26 – “Mary’s Boy Child / Oh My Lord” – Boney M.

The women are great but listen, the dude in Boney M. can’t sing, at all, and personally, I don’t like my Christmas songs to be too overly religious. This literally re-tells the birth of Jesus, and for what it’s worth, it’s a decent gospel-disco track although I know a whole album that makes a better combination of urban contemporary music and gospel, in fact, I know two, from the same year and the same people... but seriously that dude’s voice is hilariously pathetic, and his part is just unforgivably horrible and out-of-place. Who told him this was okay? This was the sex icon, I’m pretty sure, of the group, because he was Daddy Cool and all that, but if a man walked up to me with that voice, I’d think he was a child initially and then eventually run away. He scares me with how Godawful (no pun intended) his performance here is... but it’s okay as a whole, I guess. Next.

#24 – “Santa’s Coming for Us” – Sia

Sia tries to do reggae-fusion Christmas and it hurts my ears. This is the only time where Sia’s diction really bothers me because she’s just indecipherable here, and she has nothing to cover her initially except synth noise until the cliché, plastic Christmas beat comes in. Admittedly I like the horns here, but that goes for a lot of these tracks. Sia’s chorus where she just repeats the title until she absolutely mangles the word to the point where it means nothing disgusts me with his repulsing beauty. It’s almost unlistenable, and I’m pretty sure the fake Caribbean inflection deserves this white Australian woman some flack. No? You guys still going to fight the dude in the 1940s who made a song that portrayed gender roles considered more standard at the time, and not the woman who fakes an accent for a worthless Christmas cash-in? Aight then, next.

#23 – “Cozy Little Christmas” – Katy Perry

If you don’t put your music on Spotify and are a big name who is absolutely able to, you are pretentious, irrational and uptight. This song only exists as a single because it was released on Amazon. That’s baffling to me. Next.

#22 – “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” – Darlene Love

Was this in Home Alone? It seems oddly familiar to a song that was definitely in that soundtrack. I don’t know, but this song rocks. The song is oddly desperate despite how it may sound, and I can really dig her longing for days that she had a “true” Christmas because of how she spent it all with her significant other. It’s sweet. Phil Spector’s jolly production shines again with the steady beat (needs a remastered version ASAP) and Darlene Love perfectly riding the instrumental as if she was Santa on his sleigh. Thank you, next.

Conclusion

Oh, wait, that’s all? Thank the Lords. Mud get Worst of the Week for “Lonely this Christmas”, with Dishonourable Mention going to Katy Perry, East 17 and Justin Bieber for all of their worthless cash-ins that I didn’t even bother doing any form of substantial reviews for. Best of the Week goes to Andy Williams, to be honest, for “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”, with Honourable Mention going to no-one. Happy Easter.

[thegloober]

Mailbag: Wild Card Game, Chapman, Realmuto, Goldschmidt

Yankeemetrics: Smackdown at Tropicana Field (Sept. 24-27)

We’ve got 12 questions in this week’s mailbag, the final mailbag of the 2018 regular season. As always, RABmailbag (at) gmail (dot) com is where you can send your mailbag questions each week.

Tanaka. (Mike Stobe/Getty)

Robert asks: Starting pitcher for the Wild Card? How about the one least likely to implode in early on. Any stats on who most often throws a scoreless 1st and 2nd inning? Probably no Didi to bail us out again this year.

The other day Aaron Boone mentioned the Yankees might only let their starting pitcher go through the lineup one time in the Wild Card Game, even if he’s effective. I’m not sure that’ll happen — if the starter goes nine up, nine down with five strikeouts, are they really taking him out? — but the Yankees have made it pretty clear they’ll be ready to go to their bullpen at the first sign of trouble. Anyway, here are the numbers (ERA/FIP/opponent’s OPS+):

Happ Severino Tanaka 1st inning 3.90/4.49/76 4.22/3.31/104 4.00/3.75/103 2nd inning 2.40/3.22/76 2.25/2.37/50 2.67/3.12/75 1st & 2nd innings 3.15/3.86/76 3.23/2.85/78 3.33/3.44/90 1st time thru lineup 3.03/4.29/92 2.60/2.74/79 2.70/3.12/87

Reminder that the first inning is the highest scoring inning, historically. That’s the only inning in which each team’s best hitters are guaranteed to hit. If the Yankees are only looking for someone to get through the lineup one time, it has to be Severino. And not just because of the numbers in the table. Tell him to air it out for nine batters and you’re getting a 100 mph heater and a razor blade slider. Severino can dominate anyone. The Yankees have to piece together 27 outs in the Wild Card Game. My guess is the bullpen get the majority of those 27 outs.

Joe asks: This might be a little extreme, any chance if Yanks make it to the ALDS, they leave Chapman off the roster and ready him for the ALCS? Don’t remember a time he looked good against the Red Sox. Maybe if they keep him on the roster, he doesn’t pitch at Fenway even in a save opportunity?

There’s no chance the Yankees will leave Aroldis Chapman off the postseason roster, in any round against any opponent. Chapman has really struggled against the Red Sox — he’s allowed 16 runs in 16 innings against the BoSox while with the Yankees — but he has the ability to dominate any lineup. You roll with your best players in the postseason and trust them to do what’s needed to win. What’s the alternative here? Tommy Kahnle? Sonny Gray? Yeah, no. Chapman’s recent history against the Red Sox is ugly and I’m not sure I’ll feel comfortable with him on the mound in a close game against the Red Sox, but he is far too good and far too talented to avoid in the postseason because of 16 bad innings spread across two and a half years.

Joe asks: Do you think that the presence of Yankees scouts with the Marlins could make an offseason swap of Sanchez for Realmuto a possibility? How would a trade look?

The Marlins would have to kick in more. I’ve gotten a lot of “why not trade Gary Sanchez for J.T. Realmuto?” questions this year and most suggest a package headlined by Sanchez for Realmuto. That is completely backwards to me. The Marlins would have to give up a package headlined by Realmuto for Sanchez. Consider …

Sanchez is two years younger.

Sanchez is under team control through 2022. Realmuto is under control through 2020.

Realmuto’s breakout season at age 27 in 2018 (.278/.342/.487/128 wRC+/+4.8 WAR) is no better than Gary’s age 24 season in 2017 (.278/.345/.531/129 wRC+/+4.4 WAR).

Aside from his caught stealing rate, the defensive numbers on Realmuto aren’t good at all.

I have no interest in selling low on Sanchez to buy high on Realmuto. Realmuto’s really good and I don’t have any reason to believe he won’t continue to be really good the next few years. But Sanchez is younger, is under control longer, and every bit as talented (if not more). If Gary were on some other team right now, I’d get a zillion questions asking whether the Yankees should buy low, and I’d say absolutely yes. Keep Sanchez. Don’t trade him for the flavor of the week. You’re never going to win anything if you cut bait the first time young players struggle.

Matt asks: Is it worth it to dismiss Josh Bard after this season and hire a former manager to be a bench coach? With bullpen management being a clear weakness for Boone perhaps an experienced manager can offer some help.

From what I understand, Josh Bard is very highly regarded within baseball. He’s considered a rising star in the coaching and managerial ranks. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if we hear him connected to some managerial openings this winter and see him possibly go for interviews. Some of Aaron Boone’s bullpen management is dumb. The A.J. Cole thing is ridiculous. But, generally speaking, Boone uses guys in the right spots, in my opinion. David Robertson is the fireman. Dellin Betances faces the other team’s best hitters. That sorta stuff. It’s up to Boone to improve his improve his bullpen management. It’s not on the bench coach. Boone has to learn and gain experience. Besides, I suspect the front office has a lot of input — let’s call it “providing guidance” — into bullpen moves. I’m not sure a veteran bench coach would change much, if at all.

Goldy. (Ralph Freso/Getty)

Craig asks: Paul Goldschmidt. Some speculation that the D-backs could deal him over the winter – do you think the Yankees would/should make a play for him? What would it take?

Next season is the last season on Goldschmidt’s contract (it’s a no-brainer $14.5M club option year) and he’ll hit free agency at 32, which makes things dicey. He’s obviously great — Goldschmidt is hitting .291/.390/.538 (146 wRC+) with 33 homers and Gold Glove caliber defense this year — but paying big dollars for a first baseman’s age 32+ seasons isn’t something teams are eager to do these days. That has led to speculation about a trade his offseason.

If the Diamondbacks are open to trading Goldschmidt, the Yankees absolutely should make a play for him. He’s a dominant player who is a big upgrade at first base. I like Luke Voit, he’s been awesome, but I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to replace him with Goldschmidt. The Yankees have a lot of players in the prime of their careers or entering the prime of their careers. Anything they can do to increase their odds of winning the World Series in the short-term is worthwhile. The time to go all-in is right now. If not now, then when?

In a perfect world the Yankees would build a trade package around Greg Bird and Chance Adams, but I’m not sure that’s realistic. I’d want Justus Sheffield as part of a package if I were the D’Backs. I don’t think that’s unreasonable for a player as good as Goldschmidt, even one year of him. I’m not convinced Arizona will trade him. I think they’re more likely to keep him and try to win in 2019. If they’re open to trading Goldschmidt, the Yankees have to at least check in. Elite players are always worth acquiring.

Luke asks: All this talk about 10+ HRs out of the ’18 Yanks, and the next closest is Tyler Austin at 8 – womp. What about how many HRs have we gotten out of each position – has to be 20 per position, right? Any records close to being broken there?

I don’t know how to look this up historically, so I don’t know whether the Yankees are approaching (or setting) any records here, but it is pretty insane how much the home run production is spread out. The Yankees have not only gotten 20+ homers from every position except one (left field), they’ve gotten 20+ homers from every lineup spot except one (ninth). The numbers:

Homers by Position Catcher: 29 First Base: 32 Second Base: 24 Shortstop: 33 Third Base: 26 Left Field: 19 Center Field: 29 Right Field: 37 Designated Hitter: 30

Homers by Lineup Spot 1. 27 2. 38 3. 26 4. 43 5. 33 6. 26 7. 23 8. 25 9. 19

That is pretty crazy. Can Gleyber Torres (or whoever ends up playing second base) hit three home runs this weekend? Can the ninth place hitter sock one? I can’t imagine many teams throughout baseball history have received 20+ homers from each position and/or each lineup spot.

Zeke asks: What’s your opinion on bad contract swap for Ellsbury and Samardzija? Maybe Yankees can throw in one low level prospect to make it work?

I think we’re heading into the third straight offseason with “Ellsbury for Samardzija?” questions. Jacoby Ellsbury was hurt all season and a non-factor. Didn’t play a single game. Jeff Samardzija pitched to a 6.25 ERA (5.44 FIP) in 44.2 innings around injuries. They both have two years left on their contracts and the money is similar enough ($43M vs. $36M) that it shouldn’t be a significant obstacle in a trade.

It boils down to this: What reclamation project do you want, the 34-year-old starter or the 35-year-old outfielder? I honestly don’t know. I feel like Ellsbury is more likely to help you as a fourth outfielder than Samardzija is as a starter or even as a reliever at this point. Plus Ellsbury just had hip surgery. If his rehab carries over into early next season, the Yankees collect insurance money to offset his salary, and the savings might be worth more than whatever Ellsbury or Samardzija gives you on the field. I dunno. Two bad options here.

Frank asks: Do you have any interest in a Robbie Cano reunion for the first base job? If so, how much of Cano’s contract would Seattle have to eat to make the deal plausible?

Nah. Robinson Cano is forever cool with me, but he’s going to turn 36 years old in October, and there’s still five (!) years and $120M remaining on his contract. It’s all downside too. Cano’s best years are behind him and you’d be acquiring his heavy decline years, the years the Yankees wanted to avoid when they reportedly capped their offer at seven years. The Mariners would have to turn him into what, a $5M a year player for the Yankees to even consider it? Even then, do you want to pay $5M a year for his age 36-40 seasons? Nah. stay away from the declining dudes on the wrong side of 35, especially when there are multiple years remaining on their contract.

Miller. (Jason Miller/Getty)

Andrew asks: Looking at your recent bullpen post. Why not bring back Andrew Miller as a FA? Let Britton walk and sign Miller who should be a cheaper? We already know he can handle NY and would give us insurance if/when Betances leaves after next year.

I suspect we’re going to hear a lot about a potential Miller reunion this winter. It’s worth a longer discussion outside a mailbag setting (and after the postseason). Miller turns 34 next May and he went into last night’s game with a 3.38 ERA (3.10 FIP) and a 31.2% strikeout rate in 32 innings this season. That is obviously very good. It also qualifies as his worst season as a full-time reliever. He’s also missed time with a shoulder impingement and ongoing knee problems that date back to last season. The Indians even sent him to see the Cleveland Cavaliers doctors to figure out the knee issue. Miller is awesome. I don’t know anyone who didn’t love him when he was with the Yankees. The question is who do you want the next three years, Miller during his age 34-36 seasons or Zach Britton during his age 31-33 seasons? As good as Miller is, I don’t think it would be unreasonable to consider Britton the better investment going forward.

John asks: Assuming a RH starter in the Wild Card game, shouldn’t Walker start over Voit?

Nah. Voit’s been hitting righties pretty hard these last few weeks. He went into yesterday’s game hitting .291/.384/.570 (158 wRC+) against right-handers this season, and that was before his 3-for-3 with a double and a homer game. Neil Walker’s had some big moments with the Yankees — what are the odds he comes up with a random huge hit in the postseason? pretty darn good, I’d say — but he is hitting .234/.326/.390 (94 wRC+) against righties. Voit will swing-and-miss a bunch against big velocity from righties. That’s not unusual though. Everyone does that. Otherwise he’s hit righties very hard and I’d go with him over Walker against a righty in the postseason. (The fact Greg Bird is not even part of this conversation tells you how terrible he’s been.)

Keane asks: Do you think the Yankees might experiment with more bullpen games or an opener next year?

I could see it, yeah. I don’t think the Yankees or any non-Rays teams would do it as often as the Rays have this year, but it’s worth considering. Inevitably there will be injuries and the Yankees will have to turn to young kids to fill out the rotation next year. That’s just part of baseball. And when you have someone like that, like Domingo German or the Chance Adams spot start this season, it’s definitely worth considering using an opener more often. It’s not something I would look to do regularly. There will be some times when it makes sense though, and I hope the Yankees embrace it.

George asks: I had one question after reading your article about re-signing Andrew McCutchen. You mention a three-man (Judge, Stanton, McCutchen) rotation in the corner outfield and DH spots, but who is the backup for center field? If Hicks gets hurt, or needs a day off?

That’s a good question and that’s something the Yankees would have to figure out. Is Ellsbury on the bench? If yes, he’d be the obvious backup center fielder. Judge played center field in a game earlier this year, so the Yankees are comfortable running him out there. Comfortable enough to let him do it fairly often? Or on an everyday basis should Aaron Hicks get hurt? I dunno. The same question applies to Clint Frazier. I wouldn’t want to play McCutchen in center field in anything more than an emergency. He’s been pretty terrible out there the last few seasons. This is definitely something the Yankees would have to figure out should they re-sign McCutchen. You need quality backup options at this up-the-middle positions. They can be awfully hard to fill.

Yankeemetrics: Smackdown at Tropicana Field (Sept. 24-27)

Source: https://bloghyped.com/mailbag-wild-card-game-chapman-realmuto-goldschmidt/

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 26th August 2018

There are many, and I mean many, new arrivals this week so let’s just get on with it, I’ll try to keep everything brief.

Top 10

“Shotgun” by George Ezra stays steady at the top, as does its runner-up.

Yep, “In My Feelings” by Drake featuring City Girls is a non-mover as it stays at number-two.

“Eastside” by benny blanco, Khalid and Halsey, on the other hand, is moving up a spot straight to number-three. I’m legitimately surprised at how quickly this is increasing, but I really doubt this is going anywhere higher than here.

Oh, and we have our first of two top 10 debuts this week, with “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith entering the charts at number-four, which would be impressive if it weren’t Calvin Harris and Sam Smith, who do stuff like this all the time.

I am happy that Loud Luxury and brando’s “Body” is entering the top five here, as it ascends a spot to number-five. The song’s really growing on me.

“God is a woman” by Ariana Grande takes advantage of the Sweetener album release and increases by six spaces to number-six. Not complaining at all, I like this song.

“No Brainer”, meanwhile, by DJ Khaled featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo and Chance the Rapper, has fell hard, four spots to number-seven.

Oh, and you know how a lot of artists stylise their songs in different ways? Well, Ariana Grande did that with every track from Sweetener (except one or two exceptions) and yeah, especially with the exceptions, it looks so unprofessional and lazy. I bring this up because the next song is called “breathin” and it’s by Ariana Grande featuring ILYA, debuting at number-eight. Come on, guys, your song title looks like a text message. At least it’s not in the same route as Aphex Twin or Lil Yachty, and their messy tracklists.

“Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B has not moved at number-nine.

Neither has “Taste” by Tyga featuring Offset, still barely clenching on at number-ten.

Climbers

There’s one. Literally one song has climbed by any notable amount. Other than one song, the biggest we have outside of the top 10 is by three spaces, so, yeah, the 14-spot climber, and the only climber worth talking about, is “Don’t Leave Me Alone” by David Guetta featuring Anne-Marie, now at #23, which I’m not necessarily bothered about at all.

Fallers

Now here is where it’s at. Let’s talk about all the relatively notable fallers, sorted by genre.

Starting with pop, we have “Youngblood” down eight positions to #15, while “If You’re Over Me” by Years & Years is down four spots to #33 and “2002” by Anne-Marie is down five spaces to #37.

EDM really suffered this week, though, as Jonas Blue’s “Rise” featuring Jack & Jack has descended 12 spaces to #17, Tiesto and Dzeko’s “Jackie Chan” featuring Preme and Post Malone is down a whopping 16 spots to #24, while Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa’s “One Kiss” slogs down six spaces to #28, right next to “Ocean” by Martin Garrix featuring Khalid, down four to #29.

Hip-hop and R&B had tough drops as well, hell, you could argue, they struggled even more. “Don’t Matter to Me” by Drake featuring Michael Jackson jumps down nine spots to #27, as Drake’s other track “Nonstop” has stopped gaining any traction down four spots to #30, while ZieZie’s “Fine Girl” is down five to #35, as Nicki Minaj’s “Bed” featuring Ariana Grande absolutely collapses by a whopping 16 positions straight to #39, ironically a spot away from #40, which has its spot taken by “I Like It” by Cardi B featuring Bad Bunny and J Balvin, down nine spaces from last week.

Dropouts

Usually, when there are a lot of losers, there come a lot of songs dropping out of the charts as well, and it’s not any different this week, as “Better Now” by Post Malone is just forced out of the charts from #16, with “STARGAZING” by Travis Scott closely following from #27. “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble is also out from #39, joining another soundtrack single from Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again, “When I Kissed the Teacher”, out from #40. The absolutely wretched “Barbie Dreams” by Nicki Minaj is out from #36, while “First Time” by M-22 featuring Medina is also pushed out from only #24. Wow, it was a massacre in terms of losers and drop-outs, probably due to the immense amount of new arrivals, despite a surprising lack of returning entries from the late Aretha Franklin, and any at all, for that matter.

The Ed Sheeran Update

Where’s Ed Sheeran, you ask? Well, “Perfect” hasn’t moved from #61 and “Shape of You” is down four spots to #80.

NEW ARRIVALS

Alright, I’ll try and keep all entries of a decent yet not extensive length, especially since there are freaking seven of these to talk about.

#36 – “In My Mind” – Dynoro and Gigi D’Agostino

So, from what I can gather, Dynoro is a mysterious UK producer who just recently made his breakthrough with this mash-up. Yeah, this is a remix, I suppose, but this is borderline mash-up as it not-so-subtly intertwines elements from both the 2012 track “In My Mind” by Ivan Gough, Feenixpawl and Georgi Kay and the hook of the song “L’amour toujours”, a song released in 2000 by Italian DJ Gigi D’Agostino, which was a smash hit in a lot of Europe, but didn’t chart here in the UK. Yeah, so they’re sampling two songs, one of which is a quite memorable and some may say nostalgic track in order to lazily find a way for people to remember their song so they can get a hit without much effort. All that aside, is the track good enough to redeem the shady business practices? No. Not really. As I said, it’s basically a mash-up so it’s hard to really judge the song on its own merits, especially as it’s just some generic house with a rather ugly bass-synth wobble and a mind-numbingly repetitive hook. Not feeling this one’s concept or execution, at all.

#31 – “Happier” – Marshmello and Bastille

Oh, hey, Bastille, doing another track with an EDM producer for no good reason! I do like these guys, though, they’ve made some damn good, catchy, fun indie pop and pop rock in the past, and I still return to some of their hits like “Good Grief” and “Pompeii” to this day. The collaboration they had with Craig David was... okay, but knowing Marshmello’s track record of being mostly utter garbage, I don’t exactly have high hopes, and after listening, I can’t blame myself. It has some pretty okay skittering percussion and some nice strings in the pre-chorus, but the drop is so weak, man. Bastille’s lead vocalist is not straining himself at all, but he’s not putting much effort in either, some of this just feels like talking over copy-and-pasted guitar strumming and a synth in the drop that sounds like it has better things to do than spending time with a hack like Marshmello. It probably does, to be perfectly honest. That last pre-chorus is pretty cool, though, because the members of Bastille actually get some good guitars in, and there is a bit more “oomph” to the production generally. That drop sucks so badly, though, God. The song ends with “I will go”, which is somewhat amusing, I suppose. Skip this.

#26 – “TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME” – The 1975

Okay, first of all: what on Earth is that godawful song title and what the hell does it mean? Secondly, the 1975, what on God’s earth are you doing, and why?

It’s dancehall-ish pop. It’s tropical, vocal-sample-infected dance-pop with some Caribbean influences that are now typical of modern British popular music, with some awfully autotuned vocals from our lead singer, Matt Healy, here, who said just a few days or weeks prior, that no big rock band is doing anything unique or interesting right now, compared to what the 1975 is doing... you say, as you make one of the most predictable, trash-tier electro-pop songs I’ve ever heard, taking a page out of the Imagine Dragons’ book of separating yourself entirely from the rock scene. Healy’s band is one of the most popular rock bands at this point in time, so it’s expected for them to make some pop tunes, but given Healy’s pretentious lyrics in the last two tracks they’ve released, which I didn’t like as much I wanted to but at least appreciated for what they tried to do, as well as his recent statements, this song just seems rather hypocritical and (not like Healy would have changed this) borderline unlistenable and amateur. I can’t even say I expected much better.

#22 – “sweetener” – Ariana Grande featuring Pharrell

This is the first of two songs to debut from Ariana Grande’s newest, recently-released album Sweetener. Now, I haven’t listened to the album in full yet, but I am looking forward to as the singles seemed promising. I loved “no tears left to cry” and liked “God is a woman” and “the light is coming” a hell of a lot, so I’m excited to check out the record. The title track, however, does not really show any of the promise I saw in those singles. Jesus Christ, this is bad.

It starts with a pretty monotone piano melody while Grande sings pretty greatly as always, but then the percussion and bass kick in for a repetitive, kind of nonsensical hook, which is just pretty insufferable, while in the verses, Grande prefers to talk-sing over Pharrell’s goofy “sheesh!” ad-libs, which also repeat throughout the rest of this song, for some inexplicable reason. Yeah, I’m assuming Pharrell produced this, and I’m also assuming that whoever transcribed the Genius lyrics to this, who had to listen to this on full blast God knows how many times just to get the accurate transcription of those Pharrell ad-libs, because they seem to be subtly different each time and while I appreciate attention to detail, I hate when that detail goes into something as moronic and pointless as Pharrell ad-libs. This gets a “sheesh” from me.

#16 – “All I Am” – Jess Glynne

Oh, okay, more Jess Glynne, we needed that after the trainwreck that was “I’ll be There”. So, what specific parts of her potential will be wasted in this song? Actually, wasn’t this promoted by Spotify ads? It must be good then. Well, it’s not bad, but it’s not particularly interesting either. It’s just some desaturated piano and annoying yet only brief vocal samples backing some house-like rhythm and Jess Glynne’s as-pretty-much-always fantastic vocals, which are only really all that prominent in the catchy hook. The wobbly synth-bass that shows up throughout kind of feels somewhat out-of-place but it’s also barely noticeable outside of the verses, so, call me stumped. I have no opinion on this song whatever – the pros outweigh the cons but there are simply not enough of those pros to make it all that good. It’s okay. It’s not like I’d change the station but it’s not like I’d turn the volume up or anything.

#8 – “breathin” – Ariana Grande featuring ILYA

So, this is the ninth track from Sweetener, featuring production, instrumentation and uncredited background vocals from Ilya Salmanzadeh, or ILYA, and it not having Pharrell related to it at all should be good, right? Well, kinda? I love the vocals here, but I’m not surprised by that at all, instead I’m surprised by how fun this instrumental is for such a dramatic song about anxiety. There’s a barely noticeable bass supporting a pounding drum beat and some nice synth and piano melodies, as well as what I assume are pretty rapidly-clapped handclaps in the second verse, and the drop is pretty fun too, with Grande ad-libbing over what could either be some strings or vocal manipulation, it’s anyone’s guess, but you know, it sounds good enough, despite doing absolutely nothing for me. It’s listenable and I’m not going to say it isn’t a damn good attempt at an inspirational anthem, but I’m not really all that in the know about why this song was any special, out of all the songs on the tracklist. Maybe when I listen to the rest of the album, the reason will be is that the rest is pretty terrible, and knowing Pharrell and his attempts at producing modern pop music, that’s probably the reason, but I’ll see. For now, this is pretty okay, but I don’t see it growing on me in time as much as stuff like “Better Now” and “One Kiss” have.

#4 – “Promises” – Calvin Harris and Sam Smith

Now, part of me hoped this was going to be utter rubbish so I could ask Calvin Harris to “promise me no promises”, but even if it was, I don’t think it’d be all that worthy of any jokes being made out of it. There’s some nice UK Garage-influenced percussion that Sam Smith usually excels in, but those backing vocals are bloody awful and the laughing is obnoxious, and Sam doesn’t seem to be putting any effort in at all. It’s not even catchy, and the piano is nothing more than an additional instrument to add to what seems to be some kind of experimental minimalistic artsy masterpiece I just don’t get, I don’t know, I seriously don’t see the appeal or any reason I should write more than I already have. What is the point of this existing? I’m curious.

Conclusion

I don’t have much passion for this show in particular anymore, and it’s weeks like this which get me to that point. When the artists aren’t bothering whilst making the art, why should I bother analysing it? Anyway, since I kind of have to, Dishonourable Mention goes to The 1975 for “TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME”, yep, that’s right, it’s not even getting Worst of the Week despite being one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard. The song that does its job as a pop song with the least care is “Promises”. Worst of the Week goes to Calvin Harris and Sam Smith for making a song that shouldn’t and probably doesn’t actually exist, yet here it is, and I don’t understand how this song even got in the top 100 other than star power. It’s not catchy, it’s not interesting and it’s barely even an accessible pop song, it’s just noise, with no real hook or anything that grabs me. Best of the Week goes to nothing and there’s nothing that is an Honourable Mention here, so why not tie Dishonourable Mention with Dynoro and Gigi D’Agostino for one of the laziest hit songs I’ve heard in a while, “In My Mind”, and introduce another category: “Sheesh of the Week”. The song that is just hilariously dumb and maybe even so bad it’s good gets Sheesh of the Week, and it’s pretty obvious that Pharrell and Ariana Grande get it this week for the category’s namesake, “breathin”. See ya next time!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 8th July 2018

All right, I really don’t want to talk about Drake. Let me elaborate: Drake has made a lot of music I love ever since he started rapping, but honestly, after a few years, he just got too popular and lost my interest because, like anyone at their peak, kind of got the mindset of “I can do whatever the hell I want and still get money” – which is, in fact, true. His laziest, mediocre, most boring and cheap songs seem to be his most successful, and that kind of aggravates me, when he’s capable of much better and puts it out, only for it to pale popularity-wise in comparison to the trash that he can spit out. Hence, I am glad UK chart regulations have shortened my Drake-load to only three songs, while America has 27 Drake songs in the Hot 100. Let’s stop rambling and get on into the top 10.

Top 10

Surprisingly, Drake just couldn’t knock George Ezra’s “Shotgun” off of its top spot, now at its second week there. That would be Drake’s third number-one debut this week if not for this track’s somewhat odd amount of strength as a hit. Huh.

Oh, yeah, speaking of Drake, we have “Don’t Matter to Me” from his latest album Scorpion, featuring posthumous vocals from Michael Jackson and uncredited vocals from Paul Anka, debuting at the runner-up spot.

“Solo” by Clean Bandit featuring Demi Lovato is down one spot to number-three, somehow still toppling two Drake songs.

The highest of those two being “Nonstop”, debuting at number-four.

Drake also takes up the number-five spot with “Emotionless”, and just like that, he takes up three spots in the top five of both the US and UK charts. Delightful, it’s like the charts are his house that he rents every Summer.

Due to Drake, we have some decent fallers in the top 10, including number-six, “2002” by Anne-Marie, down three spots to number-six.

Also down by three positions is “I’ll be There” by Jess Glynne, now at number-seven.

“I Like It” by Cardi B featuring Bad Bunny and J Balvin stays at number-eight from last week.

“If You’re Over Me” by Years & Years is also down three spaces to number-nine, but that will definitely rebound with their new album and all next week.

Finally, “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B creeps into the top ten at #10 due to a three-spot increase.

Climbers

Yeah, not much increased this week at all. Mostly debuts from last week had smaller gains, but those aren’t really notable. There are seven-space jumps for “Taste” by Tyga featuring Offset up to #27 and “Nevermind” by Dennis Lloyd up to #32, but other than those and “Oh My” by Dappy featuring Ay Em going up five spots to #26, there’s nothing to go and talk to home about here.

Fallers

There are a LOT of small fallers this week, especially for trap-rap and hip-hop since Drake took over that demographic, so I’ll only mention the bigger ones for pop and go rapid-fire for hip-hop. “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa is down six to #16, as is “Familiar” by Liam Payne and J Balvin down to #20, as well as “no tears left to cry” by Ariana Grande now at #29. “Flames” by David Guetta and Sia took an eight-spot hit to #34, and “Girls” by Rita Ora featuring Cardi B, Bebe Rexha and Charli XCX didn’t fare well either, down eleven spots to #38, joining Cheat Codes and Little Mix at the bottom of the top 40 as their track “Only You” is down eight spaces to #40 after its debut last week.

Now, for hip-hop: XXXTENTACION – for obvious reasons – didn’t have a good week, with “SAD!” down nine to #14, “Moonlight” down 14 to #31, and “changes” down 15 to #37. Post Malone’s “Better Now” is also down eight to #15, taking an identical drop to “German” by EO, now at #23. And rapid-fire for the lesser falls: “Praise the Lord (Da Shine)” by A$AP Rocky and Skepta hit #21, alongside “Butterflies” by AJ Tracey and Not3s at #22. Women in hip-hop suffered too, as “Man Down” by Shakka and AlunaGeorge hit #30 and “Bed” by Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande had a five-spot injury down to #35.

Dropouts

Drake dropped out the charts. Somehow, “Nice for What” featuring uncredited vocals from Big Freedia and 5thward Weebie is out of the charts from #25, despite the album release and it hitting #1 in the US. That’s really odd, actually.

Other than that, “Love Lies” by Khalid and Normani is out from #33, “Answerphone” by Banx & Ranx and Ella Eyre featuring Yxng Bane is out from #37 and “Family Tree” by Ramz is out from #38, with most of the songs being pretty much at the end of their run, although “Answerphone” is fading away much quicker than I expected it to.

Returning Entries

There is one returning entry this week due to the World Cup and it’s an interesting case. Let’s talk about it.

#24 – “Three Lions” – Baddiel, Skinner and the Lightning Seeds

“Three Lions” is a Britpop song written by rock band Lightning Seeds, as well as comedians David Baddiel and Frank Skinner, known for hosting the show Fantasy Football League together. It originally hit #1 in 1996 because it was made to celebrate England hosting the European championships, however it has since been recontextualised for World Cup events. In 1998, it was re-recorded and hit #1 once again, but that version never really stuck. Instead, every four years (and sometimes in between due to the European Championships), the original 1996 track kept on returning to the top 40 or top 100, peaking differently each time – in 2002 it was #16, while it was #9 in 2006, #10 in 2010 (alongside a second re-recording that peaked at #21, released with Robbie Williams and Russell Brand under the name THE SQUAD), #77 in 2012, #27 in 2014, #84 in 2016, and finally, #24 in 2018. It has a strong legacy and will go down as an official anthem for English sport, but is it actually any good?

Well, I’ve never been too much of a fan of music that’s too rowdy or ladsy (for lack of a better word), including a lot of Britpop, but this is too safe for even that. The hook is so weakly delivered with not really much of a passion at all, and I’m not sure if any of these guys can actually sing – don’t get me wrong, it’s catchy and I appreciate all the references to other notable English football moments, as well as some being sampled in an instrumental break that includes a nice guitar/synth refrain that slowly grows in intensity but then it all drops off at that anti-climactic, weaksauce chorus! Skinner’s vocoded, for God’s sake. Put some passion into the main vocals as much as you do with all the backing and left-ear-exclusive vocalising. Yeah, I’m not too much of a fan, but hey, I’ll chip in and have some hope for my own country. Come on, England! It’s coming home!

Wait, sorry, no, it’s not, we just lost against Croatia. God, it’s going to be depressingly ironic when this hits #1 next week – and it probably will.

DRAKE (new arrivals)

#5 – “Emotionless” – Drake featuring Mariah Carey

This is technically a solo Drake song that samples Mariah Carey, but I want to credit her as a feature here because I find it odd (and kind of awesome) how she’s done nothing of note this year and yet she’s still had two top 10 hits in the US since December simply by convenience, the first being “All I Want for Christmas is You”, the second being this new track from Scorpion, and, yeah, you know this is a No I.D. beat as soon as you hear Mariah Carey’s powerful vocals over the simple piano chords and a choir being pummelled by this bass and the skittering hi-hats, very similarly to “The Story of O.J.” by JAY-Z, which he produced last year, especially with how the sampled vocals are chopped-up at times, setting the stage for Drake to body this track with his rhymes about... condemning females using social media and modern technology to enjoy their time in foreign places, specifically Rome, and how he wasn’t hiding his kid from the world, he was hiding the world from his kid (that basically means the exact same thing, Drake, you can’t switch that!). He takes some shots at Kanye and mentions how the wise man once said nothing at all, which apparently, Drake cannot do throughout this year as he’s dissing Pusha T and Kanye throughout the album subtly, and then there’s an awkward fade-out to a nice funky, jazzy piano section that just seems kind of out of place and unnecessary? It doesn’t even lead up to the next song on the album (that’s “God’s Plan”), it’s just kind of there. Okay, but the beat is fantastic, so check this out anyway.

#4 – “Nonstop” – Drake

This nearly debuted at #1 in the US. I’m sorry, but what does anyone see in this?! This is boring. This is trash. This is Drake and his producers just not trying. Drake half-mumbles his verses for the most-part, with some pretty cringeworthy lines about how he’s light-skinned but still a dark man mentally, and how he’s a wig-splitter or whatever the hell. This beat is literally just a bass and some cheap trap percussion I could probably download from Loopmasters right now. This hook is literally just a sample from a Mack Daddy Ju song repeating with static effects and distortion, to the point where it’s unrecognisable and a massive waste of sample clearance money. I can’t believe Wheelchair Jimmy could make a Lil Xan song, but here we are: a sleep-inducing, probably drug-addled sleepwalk through Drake’s mind with more ad-libs than bars, which is probably how I’d describe his album – just replace ad-libs with pointless samples, for which “In My Feelings” is probably the worst case. I’m glad that one didn’t debut. Oh, yeah, and there’s the opening part, which is supposed to be cool and all but all he says is he flipped a switch and has some dumb “flip, flip” ad-lib afterwards, like, what are you trying to do, Drake? No matter what you’re trying to do, you’re failing immensely.

#2 – “Don’t Matter to Me” – Drake featuring Michael Jackson and Paul Anka

So, combining his enthusiasm for both lazy sampling and grave-robbery, Drake decided to buy some unreleased material from Michael Jackson that he wrote with Paul Anka, who provides additional vocals on the song, in 1983, recorded in the same session that lead to “Love Never Felt So Good”, another posthumous single Jackson released with Justin Timberlake in 2014. Surprisingly, Drake sloppily rap-singing over deceased R&B singers has proven to be a working formula, as he does the same stunt with Static Major on the best song on the album, “After Dark”. It’s vaguely tropical in its production, with some nice, warm synths and handclaps as well as some accentuated 808s that set the stage once again for Drake, who has a charm in his badly-sung verses. Michael Jackson’s pre-chorus is okay, and the King of Pop’s chorus is somewhat lowkey, which is a shockingly calm, subtle vocal hook for MJ but possibly an overly dramatic performance for self-certified wig-splitter Drake. Also, I know the audio was from the 1980s, but this could really have been mixed better, especially in the kind of excruciating pre-chorus and bridge (which is just all over the place with unnecessary reverb and echo). Come on, Drake, the mixing throughout this album is way too amateur for someone of your status. JAY-Z’s verse on “Talk Up” might as well have not been there before you made it louder when you pulled a Kanye and changed your own album, cluttering “In My Feelings” even more in the process and not changing this track and “March 14”, which need better mixing, or “Final Fantasy”, which really should have had the unnecessary bridge that samples the Maury skit cut, or “Emotionless”, which could do with you leaving the profanities intact on the explicit version of the album (how do you mess that up, honestly?), or even “Blue Tint”, by giving Future the verse he rightly deserves, instead of just sticking him onto the chorus as an uncredited hook-singer. Maybe you could have put songs on the right side of the album? Side A was darker hip-hop and trap, why is “God’s Plan” on there? Side B was smoother, funkier alternative R&B, why are “Blue Tint” and “Nice for What” on there? Thankfully, this will probably and hopefully be the last time I review a Drake song until my end-of-year lists – in which knowing Drake, he’ll probably make both worst AND best – so I can say I’ve slain this dragon for now (if Pusha T hadn’t done it already).

Conclusion

I mean, what do you think? I can’t give anything to the returning entries, so I have to give Drake something or other. “Nonstop” easily takes Worst of the Week – that is a dreadfully boring song – while I think I’ll give Best of the Week to “Emotionless”, and Honourable Mention to “Don’t Matter to Me” with Michael Jackson and Paul Anka for at least... trying. See you next week.