#ford refuses to get new clothes

[stump-not-found]

early days shenanigans

shameless fic plug

[thelastspeecher]

Stan finally gets a chance to really showcase his...questionable driving.

Obviously, Fidds would make the various equipment (and may or may not be the "guy in the chair" back at base so that there's fewer people in the car).

Ford disappears in a tornado.

Inspired by the tornado warning that kept me at work yesterday past when I was supposed to leave and the footage and photos showing up of yesterday's tornadoes...

Storm chaser AU

[jettemara]

Random future head cannons for Gravity Falls.

(I can’t sleep so I’m gonna make it everyone else’s problem)

Dipper:

- Starts the first ever ddmd club at his high school as well as a Cryptid/ Mystery club (Mabel is the vice president of the club and always plans club events)

- Studies ancient history and journalism in college

- Is 100% a loser trans boy (Mabel always helps him with his t shots)

- Makes journals of his own and tried to publish one (Didn’t go well)

- Meets a really nice girl in college that helps him get out of his comfort zone. She finds Dipper’s work on cryptids very interesting. “She’s the one, Mabel. I know it. She just gets me.”

- Forgets to tie his shoes all the time and is constantly tripping because of it

- Still loves BABBA but also listens to Midwest emo

Mabel:

- Waddles still lives with Mabel and wins the world record for oldest pig alive

- Studies Fashion in college and starts her own alternative clothing business (it’s very successful)

- Stan taught her how to con during the first summer she visited gf and she got really good at it but has refused to use her skills unless someone is being an asshole and “Totally deserved it, Dipper! It’s not my fault he didn’t know how to cheat at poker”

- Listens to bands like lemon demon and will wood after she goes through her boy band phase (she goes back and listens to several timz when she misses Grenada and Candy)

- She and Pacifica have been dating since the beginning of their junior year in high school (they confessed to each other over the summer and are currently doing a long distance thing)

Ford:

- He and Fiddleford hang out after weirdmagedon and manage to rekindle their friendship

- Started a new journal with Stan while they traveled the world on the Stan’o’ war

- Found out that the Cold War ended and he learned about the attack on 9/11 and he found out that gay marriage was legalized all in the same day (had to sit down because he thought he was going to pass out)

- Is slowly learning to forgive himself for “falling for Bill’s tricks” and still has to accept that it wasn’t his fault and that he was manipulated

- His favorite new “technology advancement” is bluetooth

Pacifica:

- Over the years she and her family have drifted apart and Paz has learned to live to be completely independent from her parents

- Works at the dinner with Lazy Susan and has come to see her as a mother figure

- Is actually really good with computers and technology

- She went on a walk on night and ended up at the old Northwest Mansion. She was feeling really homesick and so she walked around the gardens for a while and met Fiddleford. They found out that they have the same passion for computers and bonded of it.

- She made an indie mystery puzzle solving game based loosely on weirdmagedon with the help of Dipper and Fidds

- In a relationship with Mabel and still gets butterflies whenever she’s around

Fiddleford:

- Divorced his raccoon wife (the break up was messy, he doesn’t like to talk about it)

- Invites Tate and his family to live in the mansion with him and they all accept

- He and Tate talk a lot and Fidds apologizes all the time for leaving when Tate was a kid. They mange to figure it out and their relationship is getting stronger

- Teaches Pacifica tons about computer tech and teaches her a little bit of robotics (her first robot blew up and set fire to the south garden of the mansion)

- Relearns banjo and is still one hell of a musician

- Barely remembers dating Stan when they were younger but still has feelings for him, he won’t tell him until later (don’t mind me just spreading my fiddlestan agenda)

Stan:

- Took Ford to go visit Shermie (Shermie hits them both and then hugs them immediately after)

- Has stopped conning people as much as possible and now only does it when absolutely necessary (Normally while on adventures with Ford)

- His favorite band is They Might Be Giants and he and Ford sing their songs together all the time

- Bill still lives in Stan’s mind but has no power he’s just like an annoying little voice in his head (they manage to be “friends” and get along)

- He picked up lace making and is incredibly talented (He originally learned how to knit from Mabel, but didn’t like it as much. She showed him what Lacemaking was and he fell in love with the hobby)

- Has gaps in his memory but has been able to regain most of them

- He and Fidds used to date when he was rebuilding the portal but they don’t talk about it anymore. He has lingering feelings but he won’t ever admit it.

[nowimjustastranger]

What if Stcmo!Ford’s found a Portal Stan that:

1) Didn't break his Ford's perpetual motion machine, but was accused anyway of doing it because his Ford found a bag of toffee peanuts in the gym and assumed was him.

2) Ended up beaten up and kicked out by Filbrick because said assumption. Not even received a duffel bag with clothes this time and with the keys of his car taken from him.

3) Contacted his Ford numerous times and actually tried to talk to him instead of just hanging up the phone, but his Ford always doesn't believe Stan when he says he didn't do anything with his project. So the first few times his Ford ended up saying horrible things to him and on later attempts he simply ended the calls upon hearing Stan's voice.

4) In the portal's room, he is not just burned by his Ford, he is also pushed into the portal by him and when asking for help, his Ford's answer is "I'm sorry" as "I am not turning this portal on again because of you".

Ford would implement the tried and true method that I mentioned in this ask here! And, if the results are unsatisfactory, then Ford would seriously consider matching Stan up with a different Ford in another dimension.

Ford refuses to subject any Stan to a Fords bullshit. And if they can't (or refuse to) get their act together and be a better brother, Ford will make sure that they never see Stan again.

Ford has only had to permanently relocate a Stan twice due to their Ford being neglectful or outright abusive, the Fords that he gave the two Stans to meeting all his requirements for each Stan. The transition was rough, but the Stans did ultimately manage to settle down with their new Fords after a few months.

[astro-b-o-y-d]

Triangulum - Chapter 5 - Fake Fights and Failed Flights

— — — — — — —

“I still don’t know what you’re making over there, but if I could toss out a suggestion: you can’t go wrong with copious amounts of glitter~! Ooh, or flames spray-painted on the side! Makes for a great accent to any art project!”

Bill’s remark didn’t even earn so much as a glance from Ford, his gaze fixed solely on the desk before him as he continued to work on his mysterious project.

A project which Bill had continued to try and get a glimpse of every time Ford stepped away from his desk to fetch more—just as mysterious—supplies. But much like the first time, any attempt to stretch or crane his neck for a peek at the desk’s contents only ended in failure. And at one point, resulted in Ford’s only acknowledgment of him throughout the entire process—in the form of propping one of his books upright on the desk, to further block his line of sight. An action that had earned a drawn-out eye roll on Bill’s end; somebody was being dramatic for the sake of dramatics.

Eventually, however, Ford rose from his chair a final time and reached for the mysterious whatever that waited on the desk before him. And it was only once he turned back towards the far side of the study and reapproached the rope circle that Bill finally got a clear look at the fruits of the man’s labor.

“…A sock puppet. Adorable.”

Sure enough, Ford had haphazardly sewn googly eyes and little pipe cleaner arms to a worn sock, one that Bill assumed had come from the emergency stash of clothes he kept up in the bathroom. It was a rush job, far more amateur than the work he would normally put into an artisanal project. But even a clueless idiot could take one look at his creation and coin it as a puppet of sorts.

After a double-check of the stitching to make sure the various parts would stay connected to the sock, Ford knelt down just outside of the rope circle before setting the crude little puppet down at his feet—

—and he waited.

Bill watched him for a few minutes, eyebrow raised, before—

Ah.

Okay, he knew what was happening now. 

“Trying to contact the poor sucker whose body I’m playing puppetmaster with?” he guessed aloud. “Come on, Sixer, you can’t pretend you aren’t~!”

“They’re likely to give me more answers than you ever will.”

Both of Bill’s eyebrows shot further up his forehead. After the many times Ford had ignored him throughout the past day, it was truly a surprise to get an actual response out of him!

Both a surprise and an annoyance, one that earned him a hard raspberry from Bill—which was immediately followed by the loud sound of him smacking his lips with discomfort. Eugh—it just felt so wrong to have a tongue that wasn’t tenderly and carefully tucked beneath his eyeball. Or rows of teeth that pressed uncomfortably against each other, as opposed to retracting into slots around his eyeball when not in use.

Oh, right, he was mocking Ford—“I mean, you say that, but out of the two of us, which one was refusing to talk all night?” he taunted. “I mean, I tried and tried to have a nice chat—ask about what you’ve been up to for the past few months, how the family’s been—but you were being just as stubborn as ever.”

Ford didn’t respond, his gaze fixed solely on the puppet as he waited for something to happen. And Bill couldn’t help but let his own eyes fall to the crude little sock creation as well, while he also waited in just-as-curious silence. 

Sure, Birdbrain had plunked him back down in a human body, but they hadn’t elaborated on where they’d be getting that body in the first place. Heck, they’d been downright sneaky about what body they’d planned on sticking him into, deliberately avoiding any specifies right up until the second before they zapped him outta their mindscape. 

But unless they somehow possessed the ability to create a brand new body from nothing, they would’ve had to get his vessel from somewhere. 

And if they'd actually resorted to pulling out the soul of some unlucky chump and recycling the leftovers for him to use as his own, then Bill couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t the tiniest bit curious about what said chump was like in the personality department. 

…Of course if they were hoping to get their body back from him, then they were straight-up outta luck in that regard. Finders keepers, pal! 

But hey, no harm in being a little curious about his vessel's origins. Curiosity killed the cat, after all—and a dead animal here and there always added a delightful splash of color to the room.

The two of them waited a minute, two minutes, five minutes—

But the puppet remained an immobile lump on the hard, wooden floor.

“Now, I might be wrong,” Bill finally spoke up after their waiting period hit the seven-minute mark. “But I feel like something should’ve happened by this point. Just a guess, though!”

Ford remained silent, eyes still fixed on the puppet—

—before he too decided to call it quits, and rose to his feet. “Well, I suppose that answers a few questions,” he muttered to himself. “Alright, on to the next step…”

Bill bit back the urge to pester Ford with an inquiry of: “Oh, and what’s the next step, Smart Guy?” and instead kept his attention on the sock puppet as Ford headed back to the desk. Even if nothing had actually happened, it had still given him a few more hints about the kind of body possession he was dealing with at the moment.

If Birdbrain had done some soul switcharoo-ing to free up a body, the original soul would’ve likely pulled a Pine Tree and used whatever other vessel they could get their hands on—in order to communicate as much to anyone willing to listen. 

So if they hadn’t been tempted by the puppet equivalent of the bargain bin—nobody’s first choice but it would do in a desperate pinch—then there were a few possibilities.

One: they had already found a vessel somewhere else to claim as their own. An unlikely guess if his theory of Ford finding him close to the Shack turned out to be correct—a soul whose body was being temporarily borrowed by someone would ideally stick as close to the body as possible. Or at least, if someone else had found a way to parade Bill’s body around as their own, he knew for a fact that he’d personally be hovering around it at all times and annoying the thief into giving it back.

Two: Birdbrain had thought ahead and decided to keep a tight leash on the soul, to prevent it from trying to take its body back. A possibility more likely than the first, although Bill had no way of clarifying this fact without finding some way to contact Tangy at all.

His brow furrowed as his thoughts switched gears to that smug, feathered jerk. He still had plans to play their dumb game, but he’d already wasted most of the past day being tied to a chair. How was he supposed to track down the stupid little bricks to their stupid little charm if he couldn’t even move from this stupid little chair?

Concerns to gripe about later—Right now, he was on to possibility number three; the body had no former host, and Birdbrain has just crafted him a new body from scratch.

Making something from nothing was a task only the most powerful of entities could perform. Bill would know from experience; he’d been able to do it once he’d escaped from the Nightmare Realm and ventured into this dimension—crafting a beautiful, three-dimensional pyramid body for himself. 

How he missed that body dearly—he had even sprung for a square base over a triangular one, just to mix things up a little bit. Sure, it’d mostly been a spur-of-the-moment idea, but settling his consciousness into such a form had just felt so right for him. A rightness that he would probably unpack at some point in the future, when he no longer had to focus on the task at hand.

But creating an entirely new, physical vessel from within the mindscape itself, all without a rift to the dimension where it would be used? 

That was something that even he hadn’t been able to accomplish. If he had, he wouldn’t have needed the help from mortals with crafting a portal in the first place—he could’ve simply cut out the middle man, poofed a ready-made vessel into existence, and used that to build the portal himself.

If Birdbrain possessed that much power, then—

“A-ha! Found it!”

Bill was snapped from his thoughts by the sound of Ford’s voice, and he looked up to see him approaching the circle again. “Yeesh, took you long enough,” he said with a dramatic sigh. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to bore me to death with all your dull research and secret art projects~!”

“I do have my reasons for both,” Ford admitted as he drew closer. “That much I am willing to disclose to you.”

“Oh~?” Bill perked up with curiosity. “And what reasons are those?”

As Ford finally came to a stop outside the circle and knelt down to pick up the sock puppet, Bill could see something cradled in one of his hands. 

A small burlap sack, hardly bigger than his palm—

“I needed to determine the proper dosage to knock someone of your stature out cold.”

—oh, he was not serious!

The puppet was dropped inside the rope circle near his feet, and before Bill could finish his irate warning of: “Stanford, don’t you dare—”, Ford was already tossing the bag’s contents at his face.

Bill sputtered as a pink burst of fairy dust hit him square in the mouth, yanking his arms desperately against his restraints in the hopes of freeing one so he could wipe his face clean. 

But it was only a matter of seconds later that the sleep effects start to overtake his vessel’s fragile immune system, and his body drooped forward with exhaustion. 

He saw Ford step into the circle and continue towards him, reaching a hand into his pocket—

—and Bill managed one feeble kick of his leg before he once again slipped into unconsciousness.

— — — — — — —

“Okay, get a load of this~!”

After a quick glance back at the younger teens to make sure she had their attention, Wendy pulled a flashlight from her belt loop and took aim at the nearby half-pipe. One press of the button later and the ramp had been shrunken down to a size more suitable for skateboarding ants, rather than people or Abominable Bro-men.

With a pleased grin, Wendy strolled over to scoop it up off the ground. “You guys have no idea what kind of geniuses you were to put this thing together,” she said, giving it a light shake to clear away the miniscule soda cans. “It makes cleaning up the exhibits soooo much easier!”

“I just can’t believe I never thought to use it for cleaning before,” Dipper said from where the two of them were seated. “Do you know how easy it’d be to clean under my bed if I could just shrink it first? Or how much time I could save on washing clothes if they were half-an-inch tall?”

“Sounds like you’ve got a possible patent on your hands,” Wendy said, setting the shrunken half-pipe into a storage box. “But I came up with the cleaning idea, so I want at least seventy percent of the cut.”

“Aww, what? I’m the one who invented the thing,” Dipper pointed out. “Forty-sixty split where I’m getting the sixty, or no deal.”

Wendy rolled her eyes. “Ugh, fine, what if we make it fifty-fifty but I get to pick the name?”

“No way! I made it, I should get to name it!”

“Oh, yeah?” 

She raised an eyebrow at him. “So what did you name it?”

At this question, Dipper suddenly became very interested in the dirt beneath his shoes. “...I mean, I said I should get to name it, not that I’ve actually named it yet,” he muttered weakly. “But you know, if you happen to have a name already picked out, I’m open to suggestions or whatever…”

With a laugh, Wendy lightly tapped the flashlight against her leg as she pondered ideas. “What about…the Shrink-and-Scrub?” she suggested. “The main words start with the same letter, it’s catchy…would probably snag the attention of overworked parents or something.”

“Not bad, not bad,” Dipper mused thoughtfully. “But you’re not really scrubbing with it, are you? We could get slapped with a false advertising charge.”

“Ooh, good call! Whaddaya think, Mabel, you got any good name ideas?”

Dipper turned to face his sister, seated on the ground next to him with her attention on her phone. At Wendy’s question, however, she lowered the screen with a contemplative look. “The…Shrink-and-Span? Like spick-and-span, but there’s shrinking? And it still sounds all clean-y and stuff?” 

She placed her phone on the ground next to her so she could make a growing-shrinking motion with her hands. “Also Span, like Ex-span…d? It’s almost a pun and people love puns!”

Her arms were thrown into the air with bright enthusiasm, but it was only seconds later before both her posture and expression sank again. “I dunno…”

While she slipped her chin back into one hand and her phone back into the other, Dipper and Wendy exchanged a knowing look. “Man, even when you’re down in the dumps, you’re still better at this than both of us,” Wendy said.

Mabel’s response was a sad hum, and Dipper scooted closer to place a hand on her shoulder. “Still worried, huh?” he asked. “I thought the streamer thing would’ve made you at least a little bit excited.”

“I can’t work my Mabel Magic on the shack until everything’s all cleaned up,” Mabel explained. “Which means I gotta sit and think about Bill and Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford and everything else we had to worry about last year!”

Her hands once against returned to the air as she continued to speak: “We were gonna spend so much time with both Stan and Ford this summer! But now that big, dumb, pointy, jerky…jerkface is back and they’re fighting because of him, and—and—”

Rather than finish her sentence, she reached to her sweater collar and pulled it up over her face with a groan—an action that earned a comforting shoulder pat from her brother. “Come on, Mabel, you’re not really gonna believe what Bill said about Stan and Ford fighting, are you?”

“Yeah,” Wendy added. “Isn’t the guy, like, a notorious liar or something? Who cares if he says they’re fighting?”

“It’s not what he said,” Mabel explained, pulling the collar back down past her mouth. “It’s what they’re doing! I mean, you and Grunkle Stan went to give Ford his breakfast, right?”

She directed this question at Dipper, who nodded in response. “Yeah, so?”

“Well, what happened when you did?”

“Not a whole lot,” Dipper said, and began to tick off his fingers. “We went to Abuelita’s bedroom, Bill was trying to be as creepy as possible, we went out into the hallway to talk about Ford’s plan—”

His hand sank a bit. “—Stan started getting upset because Ford wasn’t letting him help,” he finished defeatedly. “And then I…left to go up to the bedroom.”

Mabel pointed to Wendy, who had occupied herself by taking aim at another exhibit. “And what happened after that?”

“Well…Stan came storming up the hallway,” Wendy began, placing the newly-shrunken exhibit into the box with the others. “And then he—”

She hesitated to reply for a few seconds, before pressing a hand to the back of her neck. “—he punched the wall and went out to the boat.”

“That doesn’t mean they’re fighting, though!” Dipper added quickly. “It could mean anything! Maybe Bill was getting on Grunkle Stan’s nerves, and he got frustrated before he…stormed away and punched a wall about it?”

A pause. “…Even though he already punched Bill in the face last night and probably wouldn’t have to just punch a wall if Bill was getting on his nerves again?”

Mabel flumped over her knees with another groan. “You see? They are fighting! And now Grunkle Ford’s down in his lab doing lots of secret sciencey stuff, while Grunkle Stan’s over on the boat, doing secret boaty stuff—”

They all turned their heads in the direction of the Stan-O’-War 2 before she continued: “They’re doing stuff by themselves instead of together, like last year!”

She pulled her collar back over her face. “I don’t want things to be like last year…”

While Dipper gave her shoulder another comforting pat, Wendy kept her attention fixed on the Stan-O’-War 2 for a bit longer, before letting it travel across the yard towards the waiting Manotaur stage at the edge of the woods.

A stage which she eyed for a second, then the flashlight in her hand for another, before turning back to the twins with a wink. “Hey, you know, we never got around to having that fight yesterday,” she said. “You dorks up for—oh, wait, lemme just—”

She held up the Shrink Ray and fired it at the stage, quickly rushing to shake it clean of any debris left from the previous day’s performance. And once it was properly cleared and regrown to its original size, she spun around to face them again. “Alright, so now that we don’t have to worry about stepping on broken glass and wood, you dorks up for a little random gratuitous violence to get out some of those bad Bill feelings?”

Dipper’s mouth curled into a small smile as he gave his sister’s shoulder a light nudge. “Whaddaya think, Mabel? Would punching out some of those feelings about the jerky jerkface make you feel better?”

There was a pause, before Mabel pulled the collar back down again with a curious peek. “Can I pretend you’re Bill while we fight?”

After another wink in her direction, Wendy slapped a hand over one eye. “Come on, Falling Star!” she said in a high-pitched voice. “Betcha wanna punch me real hard in my stupid, triangle face!”

With a grin, Mabel bounded to her feet with delight. “Actually, he calls me ‘Shooting Star’,” she corrected. “But if you do that funny voice again, I’m so in!”

“Atta girl,” Wendy said, the hand over her eye shifting into a thumbs up before she broke into a sprint toward the stage steps. “Come on, let’s get our swings in before Soos and Melody notice that I’m taking my break!”

— — — — — — —

“Massive Maude? Nah, nah, that wouldn’t work—little jerk can’t leave town. Ahab’s Harpoon through the chest? Nope, can’t kill him—”

Stan flipped to the next page with a huff, his fingertip trailing down past every little location, creature, and discovery Ford had listed during their oversea adventures. 

And as he’d initially suspected, most of the potential ways to rid themselves of a pesky triangle demon involved killing Bill outright—deeming themselves a no-go, according to Ford’s previously-established mumbo-jumbo about how they couldn’t kill the body.

Stan let out another gruff sigh as he slammed the journal shut. Yeesh, his only lead and so far it was proving to be completely useless. Too bad Ford had made the choice to chuck all the other journals down into the Bottomless Pit. It had probably been really cathartic for him, but in hindsight, they would’ve really come in handy at a time like this—

“Wait a sec—”

He pressed a hand to his chin, the metaphorical ding of a lightbulb almost audible as an idea began to form. It was a longshot after what happened last year—so much was scattered after the kids turned the Shack into a massive fighting robot that he wasn’t sure if there would be anything left to find.

But on the other hand, the only thing that had managed to pry open his safe in the past had been straight up dynamite. Meaning anything that had been locked away during last summer’s rigamarole had a fifty-fifty chance at still being there to this day.

Moving the hand to his hair, he turned his gaze to the door. The idea also required him to venture back into the house, which came with the risk of running into Ford again.

And the last thing Stan wanted or needed was to get into another row with him, especially not in front of everyone else. 

Not that he wouldn’t deserve getting an earful from Ford after what he’d said earlier, but—

After letting the hand drag back down his face as slowly as possible, he exhaled a groan and made his way across the room to the door. Heck with it—even if Ford still wanted to handle all of this alone, at least Stan could try to be of some use to him and get all his research together in one place. Whether or not he wanted to use it was up to Ford himself, but at least he’d have the option if Stan’s intuition turned out to be correct.

Plus even if it was a longshot, could he really call himself a true gambler if he cowered away from risky odds?

…Not to mention his office was pretty close to the stairs and he could always make a mad dash back to the boat if Ford came up the hall.

— — — — — — —

“Alright, squirts, let’s see who can knock me down!”

Wendy raised her fists with a determined look. “Come on, who wants to go first?”

From the opposite end of the stage, Mabel pressed her own hands to her mouth in a giggle. “Hey, I thought you said you were gonna act like Bill while we fought?”

“Yeah, no sense in getting out these bad Bill feelings without the Bill part, right?” Dipper added.

With a nod of agreement, Wendy’s hand returned to her eye as a wide, devious smile spread across her face. “Hahahaha, look at me!” she said in that same high-pitched voice from before. “I’m a stupid triangle who throws bad parties and wears a dumb hat!”

While the twins dissolved in a fit of laughter, she stomped around the stage in an exaggerated fashion. “I think I’m the coolest and most powerful guy in the world, but I was defeated by an old man punching me in my stupid, dumb face!”

“Don’t forget kittens and tickles!” Mabel jeered in delight.

“I was defeated by kittens, tickles, and an old man punching me in my stupid, dumb face! Do-do-dodo, I’m so stupid and terrible!”

She stuck her tongue out for an extended raspberry—an action that only earned more laughter—and made a beckoning motion towards Dipper with her hand. “Come on, Pine Tree!” she taunted. “Betcha can’t knock me on my sorry, triangle butt!”

After a few deep breaths to compose himself, Dipper raised his fists. “Betcha I can!”

“Aww, wait, why’s he get to go first?” Mabel whined. “Didn’t we come over here so I could get out some of my bad Bill feelings?”

“Well, yeah,” Dipper said. “But I mean, I’ve got beef with Bill too. And throwing a couple of punches about it would probably be fun.”

“Rock-paper-scissors to see who goes first?” Wendy suggested.

The twins exchanged another look—and after a quick three rounds, Mabel was left disappointed while Dipper took his spot on the stage near Wendy. However, her sour mood was quickly replaced with a fist pump and several supportive cheers of: “Go, Dipper! Play dirty if you gotta!”

Dipper chuckled. “Mabel, come on, I’m not gonna—”

Without warning, he rushed at Wendy with a charging fury and threw as much of his weight against her body as he could muster. Despite the unexpected attack, Wendy managed to stay solid on her feet—

—until Dipper’s arms were suddenly wrapped around her lower legs and he gave a sharp yank towards his own body, causing her to stumble and fall hard to the stage from a lack of balance.

Still clutching her legs, Dipper stared with a look of complete bewilderment on his face—as if his own successful attempt to bring her down had surprised even himself. “Haha, woah—I can’t believe that worked!” he said with a shaky laugh. “I’ve never actually tried that with anyone but Waddles before!”

“Woo! Go Dipper!” Mabel called, clapping her hands with proud enthusiasm. “I’ll bet if you’d done that to the real Bill, he would’ve been soooooo embarrassed!”

From the stage, Wendy let out a laugh of her own. “She’s not wrong. Also, you can let go of me now.”

With a yelp of surprise, Dipper dropped her legs in an instant. “Ah—sorry!”

Despite the hard thump of her legs against the stage, Wendy was quick to pull herself up into a proper kneeling position. “No worries, dude,” she reassured him with a grin. “Pretty sweet trick, though. Where’d you learn that?”

“A few months back, Waddles found the secret stash of snacks I hid under my bed and kept being real determined to get to them,” he explained. “It was either establish dominance and learn how to drag him out from under the bed by his lower half, or admit defeat to a pig.”

He flexed his arm with a smile. “And guess who didn’t have to admit defeat to a pig~?”

“And now you know how to knock down Wendy!” Mabel called from her spot. “Sounds like someone needs to give Waddles a well-earned thank you later.”

Wendy raised an eyebrow. “Why didn’t you just move your snack haul somewhere else?”

“Closet’s too full of Mabel’s sweaters and the dresser makes everything taste like lint,” Dipper said matter-of-factly.

“Well, either way, color me impressed,” Wendy said, before looking to where Mabel was situated. “Alright, Mabel, you’re up next~!”

Dipper approached her, holding his hand out for a hi-five. “Go get ‘em!”

Mabel slapped his hand with gusto as they passed each other and bounded over to where Wendy waited for her. “Okay, ‘Bill’,” she said, raising her fists. “Put ‘em up!”

Winking in return, Wendy slapped a hand back over her eye and thumbed the other across her nose. “Alright, Shooting Star,” she said with a fake sneer. “Let’s see what you got!”

“Woo! Go Mabel!” Dipper cheered from the side.

With a laugh, Mabel took a fighting stance of her own—

—only for her attention to shift towards something else at the far end of the yard. 

The other two followed her gaze over to the Stan-O’-War 2, where Stan could be seen exiting the cabin and making his way across the deck towards the ladder. With a smile, Mabel cupped her hands around her mouth and called loudly: “Hey, Grunkle Stan, over here!”

While his body language was low as his feet touched the ground, Stan perked up at the sound of Mabel’s voice—and his mouth spread into a smile when he turned around to see the rest of the kids gathered with her. 

He moved towards them with quick, determined steps—or as quickly and determined as a man his age could move—before he eventually slowed to a stop near the stage. “Whatcha gremlins gremlinin’ about out here?” he asked, propping his arms over the edge.

“They’re wrestling me while I pretend to be Bill,” Wendy explained. “Since they can’t exactly punch the real thing right now, I thought maybe getting a few swings in at someone pretending to be him would do the trick.”

Mabel hurried to Stan and seated herself near him, legs dangling down over the side. “Dipper won his fight!” she said excitedly. “And I was about to fight her next!”

“I pulled her legs out from under her,” Dipper elaborated, as he followed in his sister’s steps and seated himself on Stan’s opposite side.

Stan raised an eyebrow at Dipper. “Wo-ow, first the body hair and now you’re actually winning fights? You really are growin’ into a tried-and-true Pines, ain’tcha, kid?”

He reached up to plap a hand against the top of his hat. “You didn’t hear that from me, though, so don’t go gettin’ a big head about it.”

While Dipper beamed with pride, Wendy shot him a finger gun. “What about you, Mr. Pines?” she asked. “You up for getting a little of that Bill aggression outta your system?”

“Like you gotta ask,” Stan said. “Don’t think I should be wrestlin’ any of you about it, though. Not unless you’re lookin’ to get snapped in half.”

“I take offense at the implication that you could snap me in half,” Wendy said, although her grin implied otherwise.

“I take offense at the implication that I couldn’t.”

He let out a chuckle at that, one that slowly petered out into a halfhearted grumble. A sound that made the twins exchange a look of curiosity before Mabel asked: “So what’ve you been doing out here, Grunkle Stan?”

“Wendy said you went outside to the boat,” Dipper explained. “But she didn’t say why.”

Stan looked to Wendy with a raised eyebrow. “Oh, she did, did she?”

“What, was I not allowed to tell your beloved great-niece-and-nephew where their great-uncle had gone?” Wendy asked innocently, and leaned over to place a hand atop each of the twin’s heads. “They were just worried about how you missed breakfast.”

“Yeah, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel added, before her expression fell. “Plus Grunkle Ford was heading down to the basement with Bill, and he said that the two of you were fighting…”

At the mention of Ford, the gruffness in Stan’s expression shifted. “Ford said we were fighting?”

“Nah, Bill did,” Dipper corrected. “Probably to try and get a rise out of us.”

He cast a look beyond Stan over to Mabel. “Which is why Grunkle Ford told us not to listen to anything he says.”

“I’m not listening to him,” Mabel insisted. “Plus, weren’t you were the one who said they seemed really tense in the hallway earlier!”

“All I said was that if Grunkle Stan really needed to punch Bill again, he would’ve done it instead of just punching a wall,” Dipper said, then glanced hesitantly at Stan. “But, uh—is everything okay between you two? You seemed really stressed earlier, and y’know…you didn’t go down with Ford to take care of Bill.”

Stan looked between them, the uncertainty in their features near identical to the faintest hints of concern threatening to peek their way through his own. And with a strained inhale to force it all back down again, he stood up straight and pointed a finger at them. “Ford’s absolutely right, you shouldn’t trust a word outta that jerk’s mouth,” he said. “Whatever’s goin’ on with the two of us, it ain’t any of Bill’s business and it definitely ain’t a fight.”

“But it’s something?” Wendy chimed in.

“It’s somethin’ that ain’t any business a’yours either,” Stan said firmly, giving her a wave of his hand before pointing it back at the younger twins. “And that goes double for you two. Like I told you last night, you’re here to have fun for the summer. Don’t go gettin' yourselves all worked up over all this Bill stuff or the stuff between me and Ford, alright?”

Mabel let her body flump forward until her forehead was gently pressed against the tip of his finger. “But we wanted to have fun over the summer with both you and Grunkle Ford,” she pointed out. “How can we do that if he’s too busy dealing with Bill? Or if you two are fighting?”

His expression softened at this motion and he let his hand fall. “Well, now, I can’t give an answer to that first question—lean back again for a sec, Pumpkin—” 

While she obliged, Stan rotated himself around to lean his back against the stage. “Like I was sayin’, I can’t give an answer to that first one,” he continued, draping one arm around her body. “But as for the second—just because the two of us are buttin’ heads about all of this doesn’t—”

He hesitated for a millisecond, before continuing: “—it doesn’t mean we’re fighting. And it doesn’t mean that the rest of the summer’s gonna be a bust, alright? Just means that we’re gonna have to deal with some rough patches first.”

He turned to Dipper, slinking his other arm around his shoulders. “And as for you, you little knucklehead—you heard Ford earlier; he’s got himself a plan to deal with our little yellow headache down in his lab. And if he needs help, he’ll ask for it!”

“Maybe…” Dipper agreed halfheartedly. “Still, I hate to agree with Bill about anything, but he did have a point about Grunkle Ford’s ideas not exactly being the best ones out there after a full night with no sleep…”

“Ugh, he said that?” Mabel asked with a sneer.

“Yeah,” Dipper said, disgust painting his own expression. “He was practically rubbing it in Ford’s face.”

“Hey, hey, what did I say?” Stan said. “Take your own advice, kid, and don’t believe a word outta that little creep's mouth! You know he’s just tryin’ to get under your skin, so he ain’t worth the time of day.”

With a sense that the fight was going to be paused for a bit, Wendy hopped down from the stage and aimed the shrink ray towards the mermaid tank. “You know, Dr. Pines probably would get rid of Bill much quicker if he had someone helping him down there.”

Stan narrowed his eyes at her. “Hey, come on, don’t you start now.”

“I’m just saying,” Wendy continued, before pressing the shrink button. “I mean, I’m sure he’s got his reasons for going at it alone—

Once the tank was shrunken down, she strolled over to scoop it up off the ground. “—but working together took the little fucker down last time, didn’t it?”

She tilted the small tank forward and let the water—the volume now barely enough to fill a teacup—spill out over the grass. After giving it a few additional shakes for good measure, she spun on her heels back to face the others—

—only to be greeted by mirrored looks of shock on all three of their faces. “...What?”

More surprised blinking followed as they stared at her with mouths agape, before Stan finally slapped a hand to his forehead. “Are you kidding me, Wendy?! I worked so hard not to swear in front of these kids last year and you go and throw all of it out the window in a single, goddamn sentence!”

“I’m just more surprised that you swore at all,” Mabel said. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear before!”

“Come to think of it, I actually don’t remember hearing anyone swear around here last summer,” Dipper said thoughtfully. “Which is such an oddly specific thing to…I dunno, not hear? Kids swear all the time at school, Mom and Dad swear at home sometimes—”

“I know you let out a very hearty f-word the other day when you bumped your toe on the coffee table,” Mabel added.

“It was the left pinky, I was completely justified and will not apologize.”

“It is weird!” Wendy agreed, before tucking the mermaid tank into the storage box. “Actually, I got this totally wild story to go with it—one I was trying to tell Stan yesterday before all this dumb Bill stuff started.”

After tucking the flashlight back into her belt loop, she raised her hands for emphasis. “Okay, so you remember how the couch we found in the woods last year was like, mega-infested with rats?”

“Dipper screamed so loud when one tried to crawl up his legs!” Mabel said with a grin.

“Once again; moment of weakness, it could’ve easily happened to anyone.”

“So anyway, Soos, Melody and I managed to get most of ‘em out of the house,” Wendy continued. “But after that, something felt different about the town. Not bad different, just…different.”

“Elaborate,” Stan said.

“Well, there was the time when Nate and Lee got together, and have kinda been having an on-off thing going on since,” she said, and began to tick off her fingers. “Then at some point, one of the Manotaurs decided that she felt more comfortable being called Womanotaur instead—all the boys came together and collectively punched a piece of metal until it was dented into the right shape for a celebratory carabiner—”

“Ooh, ooh, and at another point your dad and Mayor Tyler started dating?” Mabel guessed.

“Yeah, yeah, something like that,” Wendy said, looking mildly annoyed for a second. “Couple of folks also started realizing some things about themselves in a similar way, people started swearing a lot more than they did last year—

She tossed her hands in the air. “—and all of that only started happening after the rats were gone!”

“That sounds like a load of stupid fresh from the stupid factory,” Stan said. “But also I wouldn’t put it past this town to have some weird rats be the source of everyone’s inability to swear or for two men to start mackin’ on each other or something.”

“Everything going alright out here?”

Everyone turned to see Soos and Melody approaching from the shack, clipboards and a large box of party decorations in hand. “We figured Wendy would probably be done with cleanup by now,” Melody explained. “So we thought we’d start bringing out the decorations.”

“Did we give you enough time for amusing and exposition-y conversations that would be stimulating enough to get you through the work quicker?” Soos asked.

“Yeah, yeah, just one sec—” Wendy said, and turned back to the Manotaur stage. “Alright, everybody clear outta the way.”

Mabel’s lower lip stuck out in a pout. “Aww, we’ve gotta finish cleaning up? But we didn’t get to have our fight! Again!”

“Maybe not, but it did distract you long enough to get to the decorating part, right?” Dipper pointed out, and hopped down from the stage. “Wasn’t that the point in the first place?”

“Mmm, I guess,” Mabel said sadly as she hopped down after him. “Still, would’ve been fun to fight Wendy while she’s pretending to be Bill.”

Soos raised an eyebrow at Wendy, who shrugged in response. “We were working out our feelings,” she explained. “But since we’re moving on to the actual decorating part, how’s about we put a pin in that fight for now and work on drowning this place in decorations?”

She raised the flashlight and took aim for the stage. “Also again, step outta the way or you’re gonna get caught in the crossfire.”

Once the three of them had cleared away from the stage, Wendy once again shrank it to a more manageable size. While she stored it away with the other exhibits, Soos reached a hand into the box of decorations. “Like I said earlier, we’ve got just about every color of streamer under the sun! Plus some colors under the moon, too!”

He pulled out a few rolls of streamers and waved it in front of Mabel. “Who wants to toss a bunch of them up onto the roof like they’re TP-ing the Shack, but with color~?”

Despite Mabel’s initial disappointment towards another postponement of the fight, a smile began to creep its way through her features at Soos’ suggestion. “Oh, like you’ve gotta ask~!”

She reached for one of the rolls before casting a look at Stan. “You wanna help us decorate for the party, Grunkle Stan?”

“Nah, I actually came out here for a reason,” he said with a wave of his hand. “Gotta go fetch somethin’ from my office.”

He gave her a thumbs up as he started making his way towards the porch. “You kids have fun, though, and no more stressin’ about all this Bill stuff, okay?” he said, then looked over to Wendy. “Also lemme take a look at that shrink-thing later, Wendy! You could make a fortune with a doo-dad like that!”

“We’re already workshopping names,” Wendy called in return.

A second thumbs up was his response as he headed up the porch steps and disappeared out of sight. Mabel continued to stare at the porch, optimistic expression sinking back into a look of sadness until Soos gave the streamer bag another shake. “Check it out, Mabel! The lady at the store even said she named one of the shades of pinkish-purple after you! She calls it ‘Pink-Mab-urple!”

After staring for a few more seconds, she finally turned to Soos with a grin. “Uh, why didn’t you start with that, Soos? Slap a roll of Pink-Mab-urple in my hand and let’s get this streamer train rolling!”

— — — — — — — —

With all the stress of the past twenty-four hours, Ford had almost forgotten what it was like to feel relaxed.

Granted, he hadn’t felt truly relaxed since his early childhood. But the past nine months up until Bill’s return had been the closest he’d gotten to recapturing that ease of his adolescence.

And for the fleeting moment before the fairy dust made impact with Bill’s face, a surge of anxiety rushed through him as the possibility of the dust losing its potency after decades of disuse reared its ugly head. That by some cruel twist of fate, it simply wouldn’t work against Bill at all.

But within seconds, Bill slumped like a lifeless ragdoll against the chair’s restraints and Ford could physically feel some of the stress melt away from his being.

Not all of it; there was always a chance that the fairy dust hadn’t worked and that Bill was simply pretending to be knocked unconscious. But the sight alone was enough to grant him the smallest sense of comfort.

Still—

He finally pulled out the hand he had slipped into his picket after tossing the dust, a small pocketknife clutched tightly in his grasp. After a few more seconds, he flicked open the main blade and knelt in front of Bill’s body.

He hesitated—hand trembling around the weapon as the temptation to do more than a simple act of research examination bubbled up inside his chest. But with a shake of his head, he reached for one of Bill’s restrained hands and lightly pressed the tip of the knife into his palm.

Not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to hurt if he was truly faking his unconscious state. And after a few seconds passed with no vocal complaints from Bill, Ford let out an exhale of relief.

He wasn’t faking. At least there was that fact.

But Ford also knew not to let his guard down completely, nor was he foolish enough to think that the fairy dust’s effects would last forever. He had to move quickly.

Reassured that Bill was properly unconscious, Ford moved to the binds that kept Bill tied to the chair. It was a risk to free Bill completely, but his plan wouldn’t work if the body was still bound by the unicorn spell.

He pressed the blade against one rope and inhaled slowly, before bringing it upwards in a clean cut—

—and quickly backed up as the tiny body slacked to the floor in a crumpled heap.

His grip on the knife tightened as he stepped back out of the circle, as if he still expected Bill to drop his facade and finally take advantage of his chance at freedom. But when the fairy dust continued to prove effective, he returned to Bill's side to cut his wrist binds.

Once Bill was completely unbound from all angles, Ford looked to the puppet he had tossed at his feet. Sure, it had been a five-minute effort but Bill was far from picky when it came to his vessels of choice. And if he suddenly decided to start being picky once he’d reawakened—

—well, too bad, Cipher.

His gaze moved back to the unconscious body again, eyes landing on his face. Naturally he’d written down the research he’d gathered, and he hadn’t been lying to Bill when he said it was to figure out the proper dosage of fairy dust to knock him unconscious. The stuff was powerful enough to put a full-grown unicorn to sleep; too much on a body Bill’s size could potentially have disastrous effects.

And even if Ford’s attempt to contact the body’s original owner had failed, his main concerns still lingered—he still had no way of knowing how harming the physical body would affect Bill himself.

That being said, his quick and simple research had provided Ford with a few interesting discoveries.

As he’d initially hypothesized, every studied part of Bill’s vessel really did scream teenager—or at the very least being on the cusp of teenagerhood. A lack of wisdom teeth pinpointed the body as younger than twenty, and his quick count of almost-thirty teeth settled his guess between the ages of about twelve to fifteen. 

General appearance seemed to back up that fact; limbs were gangly and awkward—even moreso than what would normally be expected from Bill in a human body—those yellow, catlike eyes sat large on his face, larger than they would on the face of an adult—

It was so odd. Of all the vessels to possess, why would Bill choose that of a human teenager? It certainly added credence to the theory that he hadn’t possessed a choice in the matter, but it also added credence to the theory that he had specifically sought out such a body as a way to purposefully mess with Ford and the rest of his family.

Once again, more theories without a clear answer.

With a huff, Ford set the knife near his boot that was furthest away from Bill—putting down his weapon was another risk, but at least he’d had the advantage if he needed to grab it in a hurry—and reached into his pocket again. 

This time his efforts rewarded him with a worn scrap of paper, one he unfolded with both hands and set to the ground in front of him. He might’ve tossed the journals down into the Bottomless Pit, but a proper scientist always had backup options when it came to his research.

…Granted, the backup in question was an old spell he had hidden away during one of those sleep-deprived days between Bill’s betrayal and the portal incident, but it would still prove effective nonetheless. 

Thank goodness he had possessed enough foresight to keep it out of the journals and tucked safely between the edge of his desk and the wall, somewhere Bill had clearly not thought to look during the brief periods when his body had succumbed to sleep.

His gaze narrowed with determination at the body again. Omniscient abilities or not, even Bill Cipher possessed blindspots. A piece of paper tucked between the wall and desk. A lack of knowledge on how to collapse the weirdness barrier that surrounded the town.

An extra finger on a hand where it shouldn’t be, or vice versa.

Shaking his head, Ford turned back to the paper. A wiser man might’ve tried to actually use the spell back when he originally discovered it. But a number of variables—no additional person to read the spell while Bill was in his body, no knowledge on whether or not it would actually work as intended, a general lack of sleep across those several days—had prevented Ford from attempting such a method at the time. And once he’d properly returned home after the portal incident, the metal place in his head had already been installed—rendering such a spell mostly pointless.

Until now.

After scribbling down a few additions, he cleared his throat and began to recite aloud: “Aufero, delego. Amoveo, inflecto—”

He paused, looking to the puppet and body for a moment before continuing with a bit more confidence: “Aufero, delego. Amoveo, inflecto…Expuli Triangulum, Expuli Triangulum, Expuli Triangulum—”

— — — — — — —

Whenever Bill lounged around in the space between the Nightmare Realm and the mortal world, there was always a clear lack of color. 

Whether he was situated inside a dark room, outside over a summoning circle or inside the bedroom closet of an easily-frightened child—always watching, but never seen—the scenery of the mindscape was always draped in a monochromatic curtain of black and white. Here, however—the warm browns of the study had only dulled the slightest amount while still maintaining their general color.

Heck, Bill might not have even noticed the difference at first, had it not been for Ford. Rather than be subjected to more violence at the man’s hand, it was as if time had completely frozen for him. The arm that had tossed the fairy dust into Bill’s face was still outstretched, but remained still and unmoving in the air.

Bill’s mouth curled into a smirk, and he made no effort to resist the urge to stick his tongue out at him. “Hehe, what’s wrong, Fordsy~?” he asked, leaning forward. “Can’t access the mindsca—ACK!”

He leaned forward too far and hit the hard ground with a thud and an irritable yelp, face once again squished against the floor. Unlike the other times he’d fallen throughout the past day, however—his body felt noticeably lighter and chair-free.

Grin widening further, he pulled himself off the ground until he was standing up proper. Once on his feet, he took a step to grow more accustomed to using legs again. One step, then two more—before he simply launched his body up into the air to hover in place.

Oh, how he loved the Mindscape to pieces~! Possessing people was fun and all, but it came with the unfortunate side effect of not being able to use his powers.

Not in the Mindscape, though~! Here he could do just about anything he wanted!

Speaking of which—

He cast another look in the inanimate Ford’s direction, while a wicked grin spread across his face. Sure, any harm caused to his body in the mindscape wouldn’t carry over to the real world. But at the same time, fireball or two to the chin would probably get rid of that stupid beard for a few glorious minutes, right? Perhaps a fireball full of spiders? 

Why not? The past twelve hours had been so frustrating dull for Bill, and he deserved a nice little treat for himself.

He raised his hand into the air with a giddy little laugh, as he waited for the familiar blue flames to blossom from his palm—

—hey, wait.

Bill snapped his attention to what should’ve been a pitch-black hand engulfed in flames. And while the flames had indeed begun to spread out from his palm and up towards his fingertips, the hand itself was still clearly one made of flesh and blood. Just as flesh and blood as the legs he had wobbled on mere seconds ago as he took a few steps. 

Legs that his gaze quickly fell to, realization beginning to take hold of him as his concerns were reaffirmed; black, panted legs attached to a body that was clearly still humanoid.

His hands instinctively moved to touch the opposite arms—as if touching them would somehow transform them back into the twig-thin limbs he was used to having—and then to his chest and stomach—as if touching them would somehow transform him back into his familiar, triangle shape.

When neither attempt bore any results, he blinked a few times in sheer confusion. Okay, so something was clearly wrong. Jumping out of a body into the mindscape should’ve at least reverted his soul back to its usual shape and form. So why was he still stuck in a useless flesh-suit?

He moved his gaze around the study before his attention fell back on Project Mentem, eyes once again locking with one of the unbroken screens. He hadn’t gotten a proper glimpse at his vessel’s face the first time around, but if he was currently situated in the mindscape and able to move freely—

Just before he could make out the shape of his face in the monitor’s reflection, however, the dull colors around it began to distort and—

—well, there was no better term for it than ‘melt’.

Every color in the room—from the warm browns of the nearby shelves and desk, to the dull grays of Ford’s entire being—started to melt towards the floor, leaving behind the usual, monochromatic palette of the Mindscape.

And once all the colors reached the floor, they slowly converged into a muddy blob in the very center of the room. Converge, then shift into a single tint of orange.

Or if Bill wanted to get specific with it—tangerine.

Oh. 

Great.

Sure enough, the blob of tangerine began to twist and morph into a clear silhouette of the shelduck, a loud, giddy laugh echoing through the study even before their beak had fully taken form. “Wow, it looks like someone’s had a busy first day, huh?” they said, placing their hands on their hips once both appeared. “Not even back in town for a full twenty-four hours and they’ve already brought you down to the study for research.”

Bill’s eyebrows furrowed in their direction. Oh, contract or not, he was going to pluck every single one of their feathers out with the Multiverse’s rustiest pair of tweezers once this was all over!

For the time being, he simply folded his arms across his chest with an unimpressed huff. “Yeesh, took you long enough to get your butt down here, Birdbrain!” he said irritably. “Do you know what kinda day I’ve ha—oh, actually, you just said you did, didn’t you?”

He tossed his hands in the air. “Well, if you could see what kinda day I was having, why haven’t you stepped in yet? Thought you were all about helping people in need or whatever?”

He made a casual gesture in Ford’s direction. “Well, I’ve sure needed some help getting away from him!”

Tangy held up their own hands with a guilty smile. “Okay, okay, I realize you have some concerns,” they said. “I don’t blame you, you’ve been through a lot in a short amount of time.”

One hand went to their forehead. “And admittedly, I’m mostly here because I realized I forgot to tell you a few things!”

“Oh, gee, you think?” Bill said, moving the gesture towards himself. “How about you start with explaining why you kept the fact that you’d be sticking me in a vessel like this a secret? Or why I’m still a pile of meat, bones and nerves in the mindscape instead of my usual form?”

“You—wait…”

They lowered their hand to give him a perplexed tilt of their head. “You mean you haven’t figured out what’s happening yet?”

“I mean, I figured out that you think you’re clever,” Bill said with a roll of his eyes. “Sticking me in a vessel this small for your dumb game, all without telling me ahead of time? That’s real cute, Birdbrain.”

A shrug, one accompanied by a smirk. “Hehe, what, did my short jokes bother you that bad?”

“No, they didn’t, but—”

“Aufero, delego. Amoveo, inflecto—”

The sound of Ford’s voice echoing through the mindscape turned both their attention to the ceiling, the imaginary mindscape shaking and rattling around them as he continued: “Expuli Triangulum, Expuli Triangulum, Expuli Triangulum!”

Bill’s brow furrowed at the sound, attention moving back to the still-inanimate Ford. So that was Sixer’s big plan, huh? To try his hand at a transfer spell while the vessel was unconscious?

That sneaky jerk, always trying to go behind his back—

“Oh, so, he’s trying that, huh?”

And back his attention and furrowed brow went to Tangy. Speaking of jerks, the feathered jerk needed to stop stealing his lines and get to their jerk point already! “You said you had something to tell me,” he said, hovering closer to them. “So hurry up and spill the beans before Sixer succeeds in doing whatever he’s doing out there!”

“Aufero, delego. Amoveo, inflecto—”

“Quickly, Birdbrain, we don’t have all day!”

Tangy looked to the ceiling again. “Yeah, I dunno if I’ll actually have the time to cover everything at this rate,” they said, and held up a finger. “But he won’t succeed in getting you outta that body, if that’s what you’re worried about!”

“Expuli Triangulum, Expuli Triangulum, Expuli Triangulum!”

Between the chanting from Ford and the crypticness from Tangy, Bill could physically feel his face reddening with anger. “Birdbrain, if you don’t explain right now—”

“Sorry, don’t have time!” they said quickly. “But I promise that this won’t be the last time we chat, and I can cover everything else the next time we do! Plus there’s always the thing on your wrist—”

“Wait, the what—”

There was a flash of light before all the color that had congregated to make Tangy’s form sank back into the floor and slowly started returning to the rest of the room.

And as the last little bits of brown and grays situated themselves back into place, Bill’s hovering body hit the floor again with a hard thud.

His eyes snapped closed on impact, then snapped open again with a shout.

— — — — — — —

“—aufero, delego. Amoveo, inflecto…Expuli Triangulum, Expuli Triangulum, Expuli Triangulum!”

With a final recital of the spell, Ford leaned back with another shuddery exhale of relief. Whether his attempt to shift Bill from one vessel to the other proved successful or not, the spell still required a few minutes of waiting for the end result.

While he waited, he let his gaze move once again to the unconscious child’s forehead. It had given him pause upon observation; not for any research purposes, but for the birthmark that waited beneath that mop of blonde hair—

“AAH!”

Ford jumped at the sound of a yell echoing through his study, the surprise of Bill suddenly moving again causing him to stumble backwards and trip over—and sever—the rope circle he had created on the floor.

Leaving a few inches of empty space between the ends of the rope.

Bill’s eyes were wide as dinner plates as he snapped back to consciousness, his screams of surprise petering out into sharp inhales of breath while he jerked up into a sitting position.

And with a final, shuddery exhale to ground himself—Yeesh, this body was weird. Who was in charge of designing a pile of flesh who needed oxygen, but not too much oxygen at once, to live?—his gaze locked to a still-floored Ford.

He stared, Ford stared back.

His functional pupil flitted down to the severed circle—

“Cipher, don’t you DARE!”

And Bill took off like a flash in the direction of the emergency exit staircase.

Ford was after him in seconds—rope and knife in hand—and the heavy thud of his boots against the medal stairs rung throughout the study over Bill’s maniacal cackling as he hurried for the cellar door.

Perhaps leaving fairy dust in a bag for over thirty years hadn’t been the best idea after all.

— — — — — — —

“Okay, so party preparations for today…” 

Melody tapped her clipboard with the end of her pen, before turning to Mabel at her left. “We’ve got Mabel on the streamers—”

Mabel held up the rolls in her hands with a look of pride. “By the time I’m done, you’ll be fishing them out of the gutters for years!”

“Please don’t actually give me that much more work to do,” Wendy said from her right.

“...You’ll be fishing them out of the gutters for years in theory,” Mabel corrected herself. “In actuality, I’ll be cleaning them up myself so Wendy doesn’t have to!”

While Wendy gave her a thumbs up, Melody looked to her list again. “And we’ve got Dipper on balloon duty—”

Dipper shifted the countless packs of balloons in his embrace to one arm so he could give her a salute. “There won’t be a single bare table, chair, or loose area where a balloon can easily be tied to when I’m done with this place!”

“Just be careful not to tie too many to the shack itself,” Soos chimed in. “Otherwise they could, like, carry it up and away in the air!”

He made a series of floating motions with his hand. “You know like…WOOSH! Just floating all the way up into the sky!”

“Soos, you realize that’s probably impossible, right?” Dipper pointed out. “Do you know how many balloons we’d need to be able to rip through the foundation alone? They’d lose their helium way faster than I could inflate the necessary amount—”

“Poke!”

“Hey!”

While Dipper slapped his now-freed hand to his cheek where Mabel had poked him, she waved her arms around in a playful fashion. “Ooh, look at me, I’m Dipper~!” she teased. “I’ve seen gnomes, giant Manotaurs and dream demons, but balloons lifting up a house is impossible~!”

She leaned over to poke her again, and he nudged her back in amused retaliation. “Hey, come on, those things are actually real,” he pointed out with a chuckle. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t believe in a floating balloon house if it was right in front of me, but you know…it’s gotta prove itself possible first.”

“Balloons and the possibility of discovering something new,” Melody said, pressing a finger to her clipboard. “Check! Alright, what’s next?”

“I think we’ll wanna get the tables set up as soon as possible,” Soos chimed in. “I know we’ve still got hours until the party, but we’ve still gotta get all the food ready, right?”

He made a walking motion with his hand. “And who wants to make a buncha food, then carry a buncha tables outside—and then have to go back and carry out that same buncha food from before all in one go?” A shrug. “Just saying, babe, it’d be smart to get the tables out first, then focus on covering them with the food!”

“Makes perfect sense to me,” Melody said, tucking her clipboard under her arm. “I’ll help you get the first one out here if you want.”

She flashed the others a smile. “Wendy, do you want to help us with tables or stay out here and decorate with the twins?”

“Hey, I’ll take tossing up balloons and streamers over having to carry whole tables back and forth,” Wendy said.

Dipper looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. “...Don’t you have a shrink ray—oh, you’re not mentioning it just so you don’t get stuck carrying tables, aren’t you?”

“Sure am.”

“Have fun, dudes!" Soos called to them, as the two of them made their way to the porch. "Make this place look like a party threw up from spending too much time at another party!”

“You got it, Soos!” Mabel said with a salute. “Like I said earlier: by the time I’m done with this place, you’ll be fishing old streamers out of the gutters for years!”

A pause, before she added as an afterthought: “...Again, I mean that metaphorically, and not in the way that will give Wendy more work!”

With a laugh, Wendy gave her a light nudge as the adults disappeared inside the house. Once they were out of sight, she turned her attention towards the yard before them. “Alright, so what side should we get to decorating first?”

BANG!

A loud clattering of the nearby cellar doors caused everyone to jump in surprise, right before Bill came barrelling out of the darkness with a shrill laugh—

“GET BACK HERE!”

—while the sound of Ford’s voice thundered after him from the cellar.

Bill skidded to a stop in the dirt, taking a brief second to catch his breath until he looked over to where the kids stood.

They stared, he stared back—

“Quick, somebody grab him!” Ford’s voice yelled from the cellar, seconds before he himself appeared in the doorway.

—and Bill spun on his heels before sprinting towards the nearby wood.

Despite their initial shock, Wendy was quick to the draw with the shrink ray. Rather than shoot a beam at Bill, however, she aimed it towards something in the line of his path—a small rock that suddenly quintupled in size in a matter of seconds.

So few seconds that Bill didn’t have enough time to slow to a halt before his face and body slammed against the rock, the impact knocking him off his already-wobbly feet and bringing him down to the dirt with a thud.

His escape attempt was momentarily forgotten as he pressed a hand to his injured nose, before casting a bitter glare in Wendy’s direction. “Oh, that’s real mature, Red!” he called. “I suppose your next trick involves painting a tunnel on the side?”

“Haha!” Mabel said delightedly. “Nice one, Wendy!”

“Yeah, I’m really liking this thing,” Wendy said, with a small twirl of the flashlight.

“Did you hear me?!” Ford said sharply—probably sharper than intended—as he stepped out into the yard. “Someone catch him before he gets to the woods!”

“Oh, right—”

As Bill sprung back to his feet and took off in another direction, the rest of the group rushed after him in a frantic hurry. And despite the burning sensation in Bill’s lungs, he was cackling with wicked delight at the others’ misfortune as he rounded the side of the shack near the porch—

“Gotcha!”

—right before a large hand snagged the back of his jacket and yanked him backwards.

Despite Bill’s desperate attempts to struggle free, Stan’s grip remained strong as he hoisted him up in the air. “Nice try, pal.”

If Bill could feel his face reddening in anger within the Mindscape, the sensation was tenfold in the real world as he glared daggers at Stan. “Put me down!”

“Not happening, Pyramid Face.”

Ford came into view around the corner, a heavy sigh of relief escaping his chest as he drew closer. “Nice catch, Stanley…”

“Maybe to you, it is!” Bill protested, with a pointed glare at Stan. “Thought you were busy pouting on the boat, or whatever.”

“And I thought you were busy dyin’, or whatever,” Stan shot back, before looking back to Ford again. “Need to tie him up, or—”

“Right, right,” Ford said, unfurling the rope he’d snagged from the study. “Hold him out?”

While Stan extended him out to Ford—the sight of Bill’s body dangling as he struggled to break free reminiscent of a scruffed kitten—the kids also rounded the side of the house in a rush. At the sight of Stan holding Bill, they too slowed to a stop with looks of both relief and mild confusion. 

Confusion that Mabel finally vocalized with a: “What’s going on?”

“Aside from the obvious escape attempt on Bill’s end?” Dipper asked.

Despite his struggles, Bill couldn’t help but let out a mocking laugh at Dipper's remark. “Aww, look who has eyes and a brain that can string together two coherent thoughts. You’re really movin’ up in the world, aren’tcha, Pine Tree—hey, hey! I felt that, Stanford!”

He shot a sour look at Ford, who had already started the process of rewrapping the rope around his body to restrain him. Restraint with clear intent on Ford’s end to be as uncomfortable for Bill as possible. And at Bill’s confrontation, Ford locked eyes with him and pulled the ends even tighter with an insincere: “Oops.”

While he moved to loop them again—and while Bill continued to try and struggle free—Stan raised an eyebrow. “Gonna guess whatever you were tryin’ down there didn’t work?”

“Oh, no, it worked perfectly~!” Bill replied in Ford’s place. “Clearly I’m now stuck in one of Sixer’s badly-made arts and crafts and—actually, I don’t exactly know what he planned on doing with me after that, so I can’t spin some dramatic yarn about it, but the point is that it obviously worked~!”

He gave Stan a cutesy bat of his eyelashes, which quickly fell into a flat look. “Asking questions like that is why you’re the dumber, sweatier twin. You realize this, right?”

Despite Stan’s fists tightening around Bill’s jacket in one hand and the stack of papers in the other, he kept his reply limited to an enraged stare that could’ve burned through a sheet of metal. From the side where the rest of the group stood, however, Mabel’s features lit up with intrigue as she took a cautious step closer. “Did he say arts and crafts project?”

“Pay him no mind, Mabel,” Ford instructed, as he fiddled with the rope further. “As I told you earlier, nothing he says is worth taking into account.”

Despite another tight yank of the ropes against his chest, Bill managed a disapproving tut. “Wooooow, Sixer, and here I was being open and honest to them about our exciting adventures down in the study,” he scolded. “I realize that the concept of honestly and openness is completely foreign to you, but there’s no time like the present to learn—ACK!”

Ford’s next rope tug forced a strangled gasp out of Bill’s chest that even he couldn’t mask with a snarky comment, and one that earned an uncomfortable wince from Dipper. “Grunkle Ford, I know he’s being a massive jerk and would probably deserve it, but you might suffocate him if you’re not careful.”

“Also what were you doing down in the study, Doc?” Wendy added, taking a step forward as well. “If you tell us, then he doesn’t have to, right?”

Despite his discomfort, Bill flashed her a small grin. “Doc? Hey, that’s not a bad one! Might add that one to the ol’ mental rolodex~!”

He tilted his head in Ford’s direction. “And she’s got a point, Fordsy! I mean, you can’t exactly get mad at me for spilling the beans when you aren’t willing to go and do it yourself, right!” he pointed out with a cackle. “Once again, we know you’re not exactly the expert at being honest with people, but I repeat my previous sentiments of ‘no time like the present to learn’!” 

He tilted his head thoughtfully. “Or I guess it’s the best time for you mortals to learn, since you’re lacking one of those nifty little time dispensers or any sort of ultimate power like yours truly. But you get the idea!”

With a slow, shuddery exhale, Ford slackened his grip on the rope and reached around to loosen his previous loops. “Fine, Wendy—” he said, with strong emphasis on her name. “I suppose filling everyone in on the details wouldn’t cause any harm now.”

“Subtle,” Bill remarked, with an attempt—a failed attempt—to pull his arms free once the ropes were looser. “Also I bet you wish you hadn’t freed my hands now, huh?”

“As I informed Dipper and Stan earlier,” Ford continued. “I was attempting to move Bill’s soul from one vessel to another. I used fairy dust to knock him out in a second unicorn barrier and tossed a sock puppet into the circle, before I cut the binds that held him to the chair and attempted a transfer spell that would—well, as I said before, move him from one vessel to the other.”

“Fairy dust?” Mabel repeated, perking up further. “Sock puppets?”

“Magical, ain’t it, Shooting Star?” Bill asked. “But as I pointed out before, I’m still stuck in this body and not some badly-made puppet that Sixer put together in five minutes. So it was all for nothing~!”

His smile faltered as he glared back at Ford. “By the way, a transfer spell? That was your big, secret plan?” he asked with a scoff. “It’s so juvenile, I’m almost offended at your laziness. Props to you for finding one in the first place, though—didn’t realize you had one on hand! Too bad it didn’t work!”

“Woooow, and here I thought you were completely serious when you said it worked earlier,” Stan said, tone dripping with sarcasm.

“Of course you would, Goldfish,” Bill shot back with a smug grin. “Like I said; dumber and sweatier~! Not just pretty words tossed at you by your childhood bullies!”

Stan’s shoulders tensed further as Ford finally tied the rope off with a sturdy knot. “That should do it,” he said, then made a beckoning motion with his hand. “Alright, you can pass him over to me now.”

Stan stared at the hand, then down at Bill—earning another one of those toothy smiles of his; having a mouth really was a detriment to everyone but himself—before turning his gaze fully back to Ford.

Ford’s gaze was locked on him in return, any words he would’ve preferred to say silenced by the presence of Bill. Not just his presence but that of the kids, of Wendy—perhaps even by the presence of Stanley himself. An apology for earlier events lingering at the back of his throat, desperate to push itself out into the open, desperate to reach Stanley’s ears—

An apology almost identical to the one that Stan couldn’t bring himself to vocalize, the sheer vulnerability of such an action forcing him to avert his eyes from Ford to the kids, to Wendy, and finally to—

“No, no, don’t mind me,” Bill piped up. “If you two feel like fighting again, be my guests! And this time, you don’t even have a hallway to go out and fight in, so I get a front-row seat, baby~!”

Stan glowered at him before finally passing him off to Ford with a huff, one that allowed him a chance to push of that vulnerability back again. 

Most of it, at least. “So, uh—that plan of yours,” he began slowly. “It really didn’t work, then?—don’t you say a word, Cipher!”

He directed that last part at Bill, who simply grinned in response as Ford shook his head. “No, unfortunately it didn’t work. As Bill is so keen on reminding us, his soul remained inside his current vessel even after the transfer attempt.”

He held up a finger. “However, that doesn’t mean I’m out of ideas. If anything, I did learn a few interesting things that might allow me to try a method I initially rejected.”

“Oh, because of the whole—” Dipper began, before his gaze shifted to Bill again. “You know, the stuff we talked about earlier—”

“Precisely,” Ford replied before Bill could get a word in. “While my initial theory wasn’t proven wrong by the failed attempt, it did prove that—”

He paused and returned his attention to Bill for a moment, who gave another cutesy bat of his eyelashes. “Well, Sixer, we’re waiting~?”

“Oh, for the love of—” Wendy started, then continued forward until she’d joined the adults proper. “Turn him towards me for a sec.”

With a confused look from all of them—Bill included—Ford obliged and held Bill out further in front of him. Once she was at a safe angle, Wendy leaned over and slapped a hand over each of his ears, earning a very irritable “Oh, COME ON—” from him for her efforts. “Would’ve covered his mouth too, but I’m not looking for another rabies shot,” Wendy explained. “Plus he seems like the kinda guy who’s going to yell and whine about me doing this, and it’ll muffle anything you have to say.”

“I’ll bet you mortals think you’re SO advanced for possessing external ear lobes!” Bill yelled, whipping his head back and forth. “Well, the joke’s on you! If I were in my usual form, I wouldn’t possess such a horrible evolutionary flaw! In fact, I’ll probably just get rid of ears altogether once I’m outta this stupid body—”

“Wow, smart call,” Dipper said.

Despite Bill’s best efforts to shake her off, Wendy’s hands remained firm against his head as she raised an eyebrow at Ford. “Alright, you wanted to say something?”

Ford blinked a few times in surprise, but cleared his throat with his free hand before responding: “As I was saying and as I told Stan and Dipper this morning, I was originally hesitant to cause any lethal harm to Bill’s current vessel, due to—well—”

“The fact that he looks like Dipper?” Mabel asked.

“Oh, so you guys saw that too, huh?” Wendy asked with a grimace.

“We’ve seen it, acknowledged it—” Dipper added quickly. “But the main issue outside of that was that Grunkle Ford didn’t know if killing Bill’s vessel would actually kill Bill himself, since he’s a mind demon and stuff.”

“I had those concerns,” Ford continued. “But the failed transfer attempt proved a few things to me that I did not know at the time of those assumptions. I don’t have a lot of time to get into everything right now since, well—”

He gestured to the still-deafened Bill, who shot him a dirty look. “I know you’re talking about me! You think I don’t know your ‘showing off something as you talk about it’ gesture?”

“My point is—while the transfer failed, it taught me one important thing,” Ford said, while Bill droned on in anger. “While it’d still be dangerous to outright try killing Bill, he is unable to be pulled out of his current vessel.”

“...Meaning—?” Stan asked.

“Meaning that if he’s unable to be forcibly pulled out of his current vessel, there’s a high chance he also cannot leave of his own accord,” Ford explained. “Meaning he’s stuck. And if he’s stuck, there’s at least one specific thing we can try to get him out of our hair for the time being.”

“What is it?” Mabel asked.

“I’m going to take him down to the bunker and place him in one of the cryogenic chambers.”

“You’re gonna freeze him?” Wendy asked, then paused. “Woah, woah, time out—you had the idea to freeze him this whole time and you spent this long not doing that?”

“Well, to be fair, the process has only ever been used on the supernatural,” Ford explained. “I have no idea what kind of effect it’ll have on a human body, and the last thing I wanted to do is actually cause harm beyond repair to Bill’s vessel, for previously-explained reasons. But since my attempts to either contact the previous host or expunge him from the vessel were failures, it seems like a safe enough method to try next.”

“Hello?! Did we forget I was here?!”

Bill continued to shake his head about in an attempt to free his ears from Wendy’s hands, and Ford gave a nod to her to pull them back. “Anyway, what I told you is the current plan,” he said, while she obliged. “It shouldn’t take me too long to complete, and I should be back within an hour or so.”

“What, you’re going to the—” Dipper’s gaze bounced over to Bill for a split second “—the place we just talked about by yourself?”

“Oh, great recovery, Pine Tree,” Bill said. “By the way, it’s cute how you think that someone who’s been around the block as much as me doesn’t know how to read lips.”

He flashed the group a wide grin. “So if you guys wanna prattle on about how Sixer’s going to take me down to the bunker to pop me into one of those freezy-tubes like I were a pack of Mustelid Sticks, then by all means~!”

At the sight of their eyebrows shooting up their foreheads in surprise, Bill cackled in delight. “Wait, did I seriously get it right the first time?”

And as they attempted to settle their features back into more neutral expressions, he let out another elated cackle that rocked his entire body. “Haha, wow, I can’t believe that bluff actually worked!” he taunted. “I mean, it was my third guess, after ‘ultra-powerful vacuum’ and ‘fishing around inside my vessel’s ear with the soul-equivalent of those garbage-grabbing hooks’, but man, you guys gotta get better poker faces!”

“Yeah, well, so what if you’re right?” Mabel added, folding her arms across her chest. “What’re you gonna do about it to stop us from locking you up?”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll think of something~!” Bill said with a grin. “The universe does seem to have me in its favor when it comes to last-minute rescues~!”

He waggled his eyebrows at the group. “Do you get it? Because you jerks tried to kill me and I—hey!”

His smug look melted into annoyance as Ford gave his body a warning shake. “Don’t you worry about him, kids,” Ford said to the others. “No matter what he says, it’ll only be a matter of time before he’s out of our hair for good.”

“Going back to what Mabel was saying, though,” Stan said. “You’re really gonna handle this all by yourself?”

“Yeah, don’t you need someone to, like, push the buttons in the security room?” Wendy asked, then added as an afterthought: “I figure since he guessed the plan, we can talk about it freely now.”

“Hey, yeah!” Dipper agreed. “There’s no way you’ll be able to do the code all by yourself, especially not with Bill in your hands!”

“Once again, very hurtful that people are talking about me like I’m not even here,” Bill said with feigned offense. “But the peanut gallery raises a good point. Pretty sure that unless you’ve gained the ability to grow another pair of arms—not that you’d tell me if you did, I guess—you’ll be squished flatter than—well, me~!”

A pause, before he flashed Ford a grin. “And while imitation’s the sincerest form of flattery and I highly suggest you try it, I’d rather not be involved in said imitation attempt myself. You know what I mean?”

Rather than respond, Ford pressed his free hand to his chin. “I suppose the security room does provide me with an issue I hadn’t previously considered…”

Stan’s features lit up with a spark of inspiration, and his grip once again tightened around the stack of papers in his hand. “Hey, you know, if the cat’s outta the bag on that bunker plan,” he said, and began to flip through them with one hand. “I might have somethin’ that—”

“No, Stanley.”

It was said too quickly, far too quickly for either of their liking. And Stan’s thumbing through the papers was halted with a deflated look, one that earned a remorseful expression from Ford in return. “I—I appreciate you catching Bill for me, but I can handle this myself,” he said quickly, regaining his composure. “I’ll…simply deactivate the security room before I bring Bill through. It might add some extra time to my bunker venture, but it would make for an easy and safe transfer to the main lab area.”

“But I—”

“Yeah, so why don’t you do what I told you to do earlier, Goldfish,” Bill chimed in. “And run along and let the adults handle things here?”

Red once again flooded Stan’s vision, the stack of papers dropped to the ground beside him as he bared both fists in a surge of anger. “Oh, you wanna see how an adult handles things, you little—”

He grit his teeth together as his vision shifted between Ford and the kids, before he exhaled as much anger as he could possibly expel in one breath and scooped the papers back up off the ground with a halfhearted “Forget it.” before storming off towards the Stan-O-War-II.

Ford opened his mouth the slightest amount to object, to call him back, to say something—

“Yeesh, the temper on that guy,” Bill spoke up with a laugh. “No wonder you avoided him for so long, I’d go nuts having to deal with that all the time!”

—and his grip tightened on Bill before he turned to the nearby wood. “As I said before, it shouldn’t take me more than a few hours at most to disable the security system,” he called back to the kids. “Once it’s done, Bill will be out of our hair for the time being.”

“If it works,” Bill added with a laugh. “I mean, your silly little transfer spell didn’t work, so who’s to say—hey, hey, quit shaking me!”

Bill narrowed his eyes at Ford, who returned it with another shake of his body as he stepped from the yard into the forest underbrush—

“Grunkle Ford, wait!”

—and spun back around at the sound of Mabel’s voice, dirt crunching beneath her shoes as she hurried towards him. “I know Soos asked you earlier and you didn’t respond,” she said. “But…do you think you’ll be done with the security room in time for the party?”

“Yeesh, Shooting Star,” Bill piped up. “You’re all in the presence of greatness here, and all you can think about is some silly party?”

A laugh. “Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate you focusing on yourselves over anything else. You Pineses don’t do enough of that anymore. But c’mon, I’m dyin’ over here!”

He flashed Ford a grin, one far more teeth than actual amusement. “Although I guess that’s the goal here, isn’t it, Sixer?”

“I…don’t have an answer to that question, Mabel,” Ford replied to Mabel. “While I have confidence in my own skill to deactivate the security room without issue, there’s always a chance that things could go astray in the process. If all goes according to plan, I should at least make it back for the tail end of things. If it doesn’t—”

“If it doesn’t, too bad!” Bill interrupted gleefully. “No party for Sixer~!”

This time, Ford didn’t even bother to acknowledge him as he turned and continued onwards into the woods. Mabel didn’t budge from her spot, keeping her eyes locked on Ford's back until both of them disappeared from sight between the trees.

“Well, I still don’t know if him and Stan actually fighting or not,” Wendy chimed up from behind her. “But either way, that could’ve gone way better.”

“No kidding,” Dipper added. “And I know this goes without saying, but Bill wasn’t exactly making things any easier.”

“You’d think dying would’ve taught him how to shut up a little bit,” Wendy agreed with a huff. “Bet you anything Stan was a second away from swinging on him again.”

“A bet I’d never take because you’d win it easy.”

Mabel kept her attention on the woods for a few more seconds, her entire posture sinking as she finally turned back to face them. “And now Grunkle Ford’s gonna be at the bunker all day, doing secret bunker stuff all by himself,” she said sadly. “He might not even make it back in time for the party tonight…”

She reached over to grab one of her sweater sleeves with one hand. “Guess that’s not the most important thing right now, though, huh? Guess it’s getting rid of Bill first…”

Dipper crossed his arms with a sigh. “He never did tell us how he was going to handle that alone,” he pointed out, with his own unsure look towards the forest. “I mean, I know he said he’s gonna deactivate the security room. But how’s he going to get into the bunker at all?”

“Hey, yeah,” Wendy said thoughtfully. “Wouldn’t he need to climb up and reach the lever? How’s he going to do that when he’s gotta keep a hand on Bill?”

Realization painted both Dipper and Mabel’s features at the same time, and their gazes immediately snapped to each other. “Grunkle Ford isn’t letting Stan help him—” Dipper began.

“—but he didn’t say we couldn’t come help,” Mabel finished knowingly.

“And even if he said he could handle the Bill stuff by himself, he never said anything about getting help with the bunker stuff,” Wendy added with a wink.

“Plus, he’ll probably need at least one other person to watch Bill so he can focus on the security room!” Dipper said thoughtfully, a grin spreading across his face. “I know it’s not technically a loophole dodge, but I mean…how’s he supposed to focus on dismantling a dangerous security system if he’s got to keep one eye on Bill?”

“And keeping that eye on Bill for someone else will probably be super easy if he’s tied up,” Mabel agreed. “I mean, all he can do right now is talk, right? And it’s not like we’re not gonna listen to anything he says!”

“Sounds to me like we’re all in agreement on this ‘go and help that stubborn old man out’ train,” Wendy said. “So you two gonna get a move on towards the bunker, or what?”

“Oh, should we both go?” Dipper asked, directing the question at her, then Mabel. “I think one of us would be more than enough, right?”

“One should be good,” Mabel said with a nod. “And we can always keep in touch with our cell phones, right?”

“Signal might be hit or miss underground, but it’s not like I can’t just step out and guard the exit as I text,” Dipper agreed.

“Yeah, y—wait, you?” Mabel tilted her head in confusion. “You wanted to go?”

“Oh, was that not—” Dipper began. “Did you want to go instead? I thought you’d want to stay and decorate for the party?”

“Yeah, plus we have no idea if Dr. Pines will actually be finished by the time the party starts,” Wendy added. “Are you sayin’ you’d be willing to miss a party of this size, Mabel?”

“Eh, there’s always gonna be other parties,” Mabel insisted. “Plus, I trust you two to follow Soos’ vision of ‘making this place look like a party threw up from spending too much time at another party.’”

She looked towards the woods again. “Plus, I…I said I wanted to spend some time with Dr. Grunkle Ford, right? What better way to do that then to help him with all this Bill stuff?”

She pressed a hand to her mouth with a giggle. “Oops, I mean…all this bunker stuff.”

“Fair point, fair point,” Dipper agreed with a nod. “Alright, then you go help Ford, and keep me posted on what’s happening! And I’ll snap as many pics as I can of the party for you, just so you don’t feel too left out.”

“You’re the best, Bro-Bro~!” Mabel said, smile widening as she looked between them. “Alright, I’d better get going then, huh?”

“Good luck, Mabel!” Wendy said, and flashed her a thumbs up. “And be sure to drop a couple of swears at the little triangle bastard in my honor.”

“Ooh, yeah!” Mabel said excitedly, then pressed a hand to her chin. “Uh…which ones should I use?”

“Whatever one you want, so long as I don’t get in trouble for it.”

Mabel thought for a second. “Bill’s a…dumbass?”

Wendy slapped a hand to her mouth to try and bite back a laugh. “Good try, but maybe put a little bit more oomph behind it? C’mon, say it with your whole chest!”

“Bill’s a dumbass!” she tried again with more confidence.

“Yeah, atta girl!” Wendy said, pumping a fist into the air. 

Dipper let out a laugh of delight, pressing a hand to his own mouth. “He really is a dumbass, huh?”

“The biggest one!” Mabel said, clapping her hands together. “Dumbass triangle!”

“Alright, alright, let’s spread ‘em out a bit, huh?” Wendy suggested. “Swears are fine and good, but you use too many of them at once and they lose their punch.”

“You’re right, you’re right,” Mabel said with a nod. “Better save them for when I get to the bunker, huh?”

With a laugh, Wendy gave her a two-finger salute, one accompanied by a thumbs up from Dipper. And after a confusing attempt to mirror both at the same time, Mabel bounded off through the underbrush in the direction where Ford had gone.

The two of them watched her go in silence, before Wendy looked down to Dipper. “So, you wanna get started on those streamers while we toss out a couple more swears about the little jerk?”

“Like you’ve gotta ask,” Dipper said, before they turned back towards the Shack. “I know for a fact I’ve got a couple of those hearty f-words saved up just for him.”

[moonhowler]

6 and 7 for maya? (From the ask game)

🐴 6. This is a good one! When Maya first came to stay at the hotel she refused to regress or even hear anything agere related. Sure, she may had regressed her first day in hell, but that was completely involuntarily and an accident. She was determined to never regress ever again since she didn't want to feel like a burden or cause any more trouble to the women who found her. They were already kind enough to let her stay here rent free. Maya was used to taking care of people, not the other way around.

This didn't suit well with Charlie and Vaggie though. They could clearly see the girl was hurting and having a difficult time at adapting to hell. The poor thing was always stressed and on edge....eventually, her mind and body couldn't take it any longer and she finally snapped.

2 weeks had passed before Maya involuntarily regressed again. Charlie was the first one to hear the little's screams and inconsolable cries coming from her room. The trigger was small, but all the pressure she had been carrying finally broke her down. Both women noticed that Maya regressed extremely young and was more than likely to stay that way for a while from repressing for so long, so when they managed to calm her down, they went straight to buy the basics to take care of a baby.

A couple of days passed before Maya woke up big again. Her memories were foggy and she was confused, but overall she felt better. She was more relaxed and her body actually felt well rested. She felt embarrased after noticing she had been sleeping inside a crib while wearing a diaper and baby clothes though...

Finally, the 3 women finally had a conversation. Charlie and Vaggie explained to Maya what had happened, how worried they had been, and how much she needed to regress in order to avoid this happening again. Maya wasn't pleased with this, but finally agreed since she was aware this wasn't healthy.

Vaggie was in charge to write down a schedule for Maya. The couple had decided that she needed to regress at least a few hours every single day, and Maya was absolutely miserable. She hated feeling weak and was extremely mortified about her new needs. It got to the point where she would involuntarily regress shortly before her programmed little time and would cry her heart out and scream how much she didn't want to regress. This broke Charlie's and Vaggie's hearts, but they were patient and really understanding. They would shower the little with love, affection, and compassion whenever this happened, plus lots and lots of cuddles.

After a few days Maya began to realize regressing wasn't so bad. Cuddling with Charlie and Vaggie always made her feel better, and she realized she actually enjoyed some baby shows! She would giggle and rock back and ford whenever Bear in the Big Blue House or Blue's Clues was on tv. Lullabies weren't so bad either! The songs were catchy and relaxing for her baby brain. Here toys were fun too! She found out she really enjoyed arranging her blocks/toy cars by color and playing with her Mega Bloks.

Charlie even managed to get her Berry! Her childhood rabbit plushie and best friend! Maya was absolutely ecstatic and couldn't help her tail from wagging. She squealed with joy and was jumping and running around before giving both women a hug. It was adorable.

As time passed, Maya stopped needing to regress every single day. She was finally happy and at ease with her regression. Maya now regresses voluntarily once or twice a week, maybe a bit more if things at the hotel get a bit more stressing. Specially now that they have their first real guest...

☕ 7. Normally watching baby shows or listening to lullabies really help Maya regress! She's really fond of Blue's Clues, Bear in the Blue House, Bluey, and also loves Disney and Studio Ghibli movies. Something that also helps her a lot is being read to. Maya absolutely loves stories and looking at the pretty pictures while someone gives her cuddles and narrates the story. If Maya is outside, looking at a playground sometimes makes her want to regress and go play in the swings or slide.

The times Maya is being stubborn, Charlie and Vaggie realized that the fastest way to help her into her headspace is to discreetly treat her younger. Things like talking to her softly, using petnames every now and then, casual back rubs, and nonchalantly turning the tv to a random cartoon really works wonders to slowly coax her into her headspace. Most of the time she doesn't even notice what they are doing, and the few times that she does, it's aways too late and she is already in need of a change of clothes and some padding.

[aliypop]

How's the World Treating You

Word Count: 1,670

Writers Note: Inspired by @sissylittlefeather Baby Let's Play House, I don't usually write angst but this is what I came up with...

Warning: Mentions of Domestic Abuse / Smut/ Language

Pairing: POC OC x Elvis

Summary: When Elvis and Cecelia figure it time to take a break from each other, Cecelia finds that her comfort is Elvis.

Taglist

@darkmoviesquotespizza

@sissylittlefeather

@richardslady121

@thegettingbyp2

@presleyenterprise

@sissylittlefeather

@dkayfixates

@rjmartin11

@thetaoofzoe

@your-nanas-house

@zayurir

@60svintage

@sillybookmarks

@leapresley

Memphis, Tennessee, January 1957

"You ungrateful whore I made you!" Anthony shouted. He had Cecelia cornered against his wall. Trembling, Cecelia wondered how she was back to her ex-boyfriend, Anthony Rodgers. "I don't know what you mean..." Cecelia looked up into his brown eyes, "I made you, and I will break you." He whispered as she closed her eyes and cried. She knew things were rocky with her and Elvis when the scandal got out that he was caught kissing some girl, but she knew he'd never treat her like his, "Anthony, please."

"You refused to even thank me. If it wasn't for me, your film career would be nothing... Nothing!" He shouted again, making her feel small.

"Elvis... he..."

"He abandoned you, made you crawl back to me. That hillbilly couldn't treat you like me." he whispered in her ear, "He doesn't love you like me. He doesn't fuc-" He felt something wet on his face as he wiped his face. "Did you just fucking spit on me, you fucking bitch!" Anthony shouted as he smacked her body and fell to the hardwood floor, "I did..." She slowly got back up, laughed, and did it again, "You will never amount to Elvis." She felt the air in her lungs seize for a moment as he threw her against the wall. His fist drew back as she reached for a weapon. There was a silver candle stick that her brain could still register to her fingers to hold, 

"You're mine, you hear that, mine to use as I-"

BAM!

Cecelia trembled at what she had done. She checked to see if he was breathing, which he was, but she had never done anything like that. Cecelia was scared. But she was free, though she couldn't go home to her mother like this, with tattered clothes and bruises forming on her face and neck. She wanted to go. No need to go to Graceland.

Elvis was sitting at the table looking over the Newspaper. Cecelia and that jerk of a boyfriend of hers was the front news. Oh, how he missed her sweet voice in the morning, every day he wished. He'd make it right, but he couldn't get through or near her, "You know, I think he's abusin her."Gladys said as Elvis looked at his mother, 

"I mean, he's possessive over her."

"He should be." Elvis sighed,

"She's not herself. I saw her tonight and was practically squeezin her arm." Elvis looked at his mother. He didn't want to think that something bad was happening to her, but he also hoped they'd break up. He couldn't take this break any longer,

 "Fine, you want me to call 'er!"

"Please.." Elvis groaned as he called her mother's house. The line hung up, and he was giving up slowly, losing hope his angel would return until he heard something at the front door. Looking out the window, Elvis saw that familiar pink Ford. Opening the door, he ran to Cecelia as she ran toward him, limping, "CECE!" he shouted as she stopped and froze. Elvis noticed as he took in every detail. Cecelia tried to walk to him as the rush of adrenaline wore off, and she was now over. Her body lay there on the ground as Elvis picked her up and carried her to the couch.

 "Mama, she's hurt real bad!" Gladys ran in. There were bruises on her cheek and neck and some older ones on her thighs, 

"My lord... I'll call a doctor. You get your bedroom ready."

"My..."

"Go!"

Elvis's blood was boiling. How dare that bastard touch her that way. She deserved love and care and peace, things he knew he could give her, 

"And one more thing..."

"Yes..."

"Fix it..." 

Cecelia was now in bed, wearing a nightgown. She'd been patched up and resting except for the occasional twisting and turning.

 "No...no stop it... no... let me go. STOP IT!" She screamed, jolting up in his bed in a cold sweat, tears down her cheek. She was disoriented for a bit until she looked around, 

"Elvis, stay back!"

"I won't hurt you, honey..." He said, getting closer to

"But I might..." she turned away from him, 

"What do you mean?" He asked,

"I-I hit him with a candle stick..." She mumbled as Elvis was shocked, 

"Is he alive..." 

"Yes..." Her hands were shaking. She was truly scared at what had happened, "May I..." he asked as she nodded, Elvis held her hands as he got closer, watching her flinch again as he kissed her palms. 

"Cece..."

"I'm unloveable, aren't I..."

"What?" 

"I'm broken goods..." she began to cry, "You don't want me!"

"Cecelia, that ain't true! I don't know what he did your head in with, but I love you. This break thang is killin me!" He admitted, 

"You still love me..." avoiding eye contact,

"With my soul." He pulled her close to him as he kissed her tear-stained cheeks, 

"Then Elvis..."

"Yeah, Honey..."

"Can you promise to make love to me until I'm me again..." she asked as Elvis kissed her. His lips felt like the way summer rain felt on one's skin, like a winter sunset, 

"I promise to love you at your worst and your best," He held her close,

"Promise.."

"Cross my heart and pray I die." He smiled, kissing down her neck. He wanted to kiss every part of her. What was told to her wasn't pretty, 

"Don't kiss me there..."

"And Why not..."

"He said my nose wasn't flattering..." Elvis peppered her face with kisses as she began to giggle, "Your nose is perfect, an your eyes and that little mole on your cheek an... your lips an dimples." He then moved back to her collarbone as she took in a deep breath, Elvis removed the straps off her shoulder as the dress came down towards her breast,

"Don't tell me, he hated these too..."

"Well... they could've been bigger." Elvis rolled his eyes as he kissed down her breast, trading between her nipples, his teeth pulling gently at the sensitive buds. Her eyes closed as her body arched from the sensation, "El~" She moaned. As his blue eyes looked up at her,

"Hmm..." He hummed, hearing her gasp,

"I missed!" She felt him kiss down her stomach, then lower to her thighs and suddenly her clit, his plump, plush lips wrapped around the bud of nerves, gently nibbling at it as her breath turned into needy mewls, "Eh Hel VIS!" her body shuttered as she pulled at his hair gently when he was finished getting her worked up he moved down to her wet folds taking her slick on his fingers and licking it, 

"You don't have to..."

"Don't tell me he didn't even..."

"Not once..." Cecelia said, embarrassed as Elvis's tongue lapped at the waterfall of juices emerging from the cavern that he missed. Oh, so much. He devoured her and took in her sweet nectar as Elvis heard her moan, adding a few fingers to make her crazy. She had definitely been neglected by that other guy. And he wanted to make her remember what love truly felt like.

"ELVIS~ ELVIS~ AH AH AH!"

"Want me to continue?" He asked her as she got shy on him, "We can stop anytime if you feel uncomfortable." 

"What about you..." Cecelia asked,

"What about me?" He laughed, "Tonight is all about you,"

"But..."

"I get my pleasure from seein you happy darlin." He kissed up her thigh as her breathing was shallow,

"I'd like more, please..." She asked as he slid out of his Pajama pants, pumping himself a bit to get himself nice, and ready for her,

 "Baby, if-"

"Please..." She kissed him, and Elvis inserted his cock inside her. She was holding his hand, readjusting to his size. When Cecelia looked up at him, she couldn't help but laugh at the face he was making, "Elvis!" she chuckled as he looked at her, that laughter, that sweet sound he wanted to her, 

"Hmm, what's funny."

"Your face."

"What face?" He did it again as she laughed harder, 

"You tease." She said as he moved a little, a soft moan leaving her lips, 

"C-Can we go slow... Tonight."

"I'm not in no rush, doll." He kissed her face again, his hips thrusting into her powerfully but slowly. Her eyes were locked on his as he cradled her face. She felt like a virgin again.

 "That feels good, sugar?"

"Mhmm," She moaned as he was brushed up against her spot, he couldn't help but pick up his pace the closer that he was getting, 

"Shit... You feel so good..." He groaned. Cecelia began to moan louder. Her legs were shaking, and her orgasm was washing over her. Elvis could feel that coil in his stomach snap as he kept thrusting. He nearly stopped himself halfway as he looked at Cecelia, 

"Mark me as yours..."

"Cece, you sure.."

"I want you to finish inside me..." Once she said those words, she felt his warm seed release inside her. Sweat covered their body as they lay there in each other's arms, 

"I'll clean you off."

"Stay..." she said, Elvis didn't move as he held her close to him.

"Can I ask you something?" Elvis asked, pulling out of her as she turned to face him, 

"Hmm, of course..."

"Did you love him?"

"No... I was so heartbroken with us being split up...I" she cried into his chest, "Shush shush it's ok, we're together you're safe, he can't hurt you no more." Elvis kissed her forehead, Cecelia snuggled up to him,

 "Can I ask you a question..." Cecelia asked,

"Of course..."

"What are we?"

"Together again." He tickled her as she laughed, the two under the covers having a tickle fight that turned into a pillow fight,

"If you two are done makin me some grandbabies, then I suggest you two quiet down so I can sleep!"Gladys shouted from behind the door. Elvis and Cecelia were flustered as they laughed harder, 

[cookiekitkat8484]

dipper hcs

This is super long, like 2000 words super long because i have a huge hyperfixation and cringe culture is dead. he reminds me of me and my friends/family so i have a million ideas. split into topics for reading convenience

low 20s, autistic, bi + demi with a preference for women, ftm. I totally understand people disliking ftm dipper because of stan and mabel making fun of his masculinity and it would be shitty in canon but this is my post so i make the rules bitch and am pretending that never happened. None of this is ship stuff. I imagine him to basically look like the lovley art in this post.  

shares an apartment with mabel in portland, completely full of nerd memorabilia, stacks of boardgames, mabels diys, a conspiracy corkboard, and arts & crafts materials 

works in a bar/arcade where wendy bartends, calls soos and fidds when he needs help fixing machines

pet ferret called pippin

started his own journal 

pacificas plus one to her prissy rich person events, sit in the corner and shit talk

carries around fidget toys, was too embarrassed till mabel convinced him (partially because his pens kept exploding everywhere)

has protective runes tattooed 

mabel talks about astrology to be annoying, is baited into getting mad and rambling about how modern astrology is fake and a scam every single time

nervous driver, doesnt have a car but is sometimes driven by mabel in her heavily adorned funmobile; worries about her "enthusiastic" driving

helps mabel dye her hair after a three am hair emergency, got really good and started bleaching pacificas till she decided to chop it and grow it out natural (refused money from her parents after moving out), which used to be the ultimate gossip sessions

joint problems and pain, god awful posture

one sided beef with all of mabels partners till they “prove themselves”

doesnt believe in cooking like he (mainly) used to not believe in laundry

punched someone for making fun of mabel, got beat up so mabel kicked their asses (thank you stan and wendy for her "training")

only social media is reddit, an instagram account made and run by pacifica, youtube, and a tumblr on nerd/mystery stuff 

only has tumblr bc candy convinced him in like 2014 then he succumbed to the brain rott, they're mutuals and make weird references no one else gets, personalises blog extensively via html/css, had a brief superwholock phase in 2015 (fight me)

coded mabels laptop into a custom 2000s esc blinged out hellscape she made in graphic design class, got her rgb stuff bc she likes rainbows and he thinks its funny

occasionally clashes with mabel bc shes sensory seeking and he gets sensory overload

pacifica takes him clothes shopping bc otherwise he will literally never buy new clothes, sometimes go thrifting with mabel the thrift god

mildly dyslexic and in denial

needs glasses but usually wears contacts because he finds them annoying then forgets to take them out

wears glasses when he misses the grunkles

Sugar addict like mabel and their pantry shows it 

Best nerd shirt collection, like, that's all he wears

Gets into online arguments way too much for no reason 

Mabel makes like ten different protective friendship bracelets with unicorn hair so he could have options, just wears all of them at once

uni

journalism major with a minor in computer science 

takes history, pure maths, and film units as electives 

member/helps run the clubs for DnD [DD&MD], MTG, Warhammer, and scifi & fantasy appreciation

founder and president of the uni cryptozoology, supernatural, aliens, and occult society (CSACS)

gets ford to proof read his writing/math and fidds his code

attends lectures for units hes not even enrolled in for fun

has gotten into multiple arguments with professors, including ones that dont even teach him 

has read theory (all people who’ve read theory are annoying including myself)

hobbies

goes to cons with mabel, she helps with (/mainly makes for him) matching cosplays to fill the trick or treating void

once met spock and kirks actors and got so excited he passed out so mabel took pics of him on the floor next to them and she thinks its the funniest thing to ever exist

DMs multiple online DnD [DD&MD] and ttrpgs groups, 3.5e truther

competes in MTG tournaments 

does karaoke night with mabel and the gals atleast once a month, sometimes brings pacifica 

goes to the renaissance fair with the squad where him, mabel, ford, and soos all dress up and get super into character with melony; wendy and stan take shrooms and go to watch the sword fighting 

listens to DnD podcasts 

ex band kid and still plays Sousaphone, often to mabels dismay 

obsessed with boardgames and hosts boardgame nights, always makes everyone play super overcomplicated ones then has to play monopoly when its stan and mabels choice

almost always wins boardgames and knows how every mechanic works, has only occasionally lost to ford (who is a sore loser lol)

has had risk games last multiple days after its only him and ford left

bonds with mabel and soos painting figures (warhammer, dnd, the usual) and embraces her covering hers in glitter and gems

goes ghost hunting, has a shit tone of real gear from ford and fidds and sometimes vlogs, quotes buzzfeed unsolved

secret AO3 account, caught grunkle stan writing dutches approves fics but both have sworn an oath of secrecy 

wendy taught him skateboarding, doesnt do tricks (uncoordinated as shit) but uses it as transport

broke bc he cant resist collectables 

made his own pc from scratch using parts he bought and custom ones made by fidds

goes to local band concerts with wendy and her gang including watching wendy play drums

Did debate in highschool, usually gets nervous doing public speaking but gets so invested he forgets; is second speaker

tech guy for productions mabel is in

games 

loves all strategy and puzzle games

fav games include fallout 1&2, nethack, xcom, civ, FTL, and dwarf fortress

ford and fidds play games they used to play before the portal accident with him eg. zork, MUD1, rouge, star trek, colossal cave adventure, and mystery house

plays portal 2 with ford and sometimes mabel

plays baldurs gate with mabel and she spent five hours doing character customisation, he plays wizard and she plays bard and both are total stereotypes

played lethal company and phasmophobia with mabel, soos, wendy, grenda, and candy (goes as expected) (lots of screaming)

BDG unravelled fan and grew up on matpat but cant play fnaf or ddlc bc giffany 

had a breakdown playing dark souls and started crying at 2am so mabel banned it permanently

spectacularly bad at rhythm games but will play with mabel anyway and she completely sweeps, esp in arcades and just dance

plays bishi bashi with the gang and have broken the machine multiple times

really good at retro arcade games, shares strats with soos and remembers all the combos for everything; helps kids beat levels at work

gets ford to help optimise game stats/teams/strats with the POWER OF MATHS !!!, has on occasion coded algorithms to assist 

forced everyone to play among us constantly for like three months straight

member of mabel, candy, and grendas chaotic nightmare of a minecraft server, usually offline and generally regrets it when he joins; more of a terraria guy

undertale kid

ports/emulates games himself, esp retro console stuff like old fire emblem, Zelda, earthbound

in the ace attorney fandom  

runs a server for online friends he plays games with

shows/movies

does annual lotr (extended edition) marathons with ford, mabel drifts in and out of watching because snacks and that legolas and arwin are both a “total smash” (elf apreciator)

loves all scifi, including classics like star trek, star wars, ext.

watches doctor who with mabel (shes a david tennant enjoyer) including the super old stuff, replies with one of the classic who doctors when people ask his fav and confuse them 

goes to old scifi/horror/fantasy rerun marathons, wendy joins depending on the films

watches scifi and mecha anime with soos and fidds, sometimes ford joins

loves evangelion, knows cruel angels thesis in japanese, lowkey a shinji kinnie and is bullied ruthlessly 

watches candys exquisite curation of 90s shoujo with her, mabel, and grenda; wont admit he gets super into it but has been caught doing sailor moon magical girl transformation poses 

watched madoka magica with the gals and was kuybey hater #1 from the start

never shuts the fuck up about theories and guesses the end of movies unless mabel smothers him with a pillow

hate watches conspiracy theory/ghost hunting shows with wendy bc theyre either laughably wrong or so close and totally missing the obvious, except this one random guy who was somehow spot on (like doug forcett in the good place) 

Made to watch all of twilight at a girls night because mabel (mostly) watched lotr, cant stop overthinking the insane lore implications which somehow get worse with every book fact mabel tells him (because what the fuck ???? the world building is batshit), him and candy keep periodically saying effervescent and bursting into hysterics to the others confusion

still quotes star wars bad lip readings with mabel

books

favs include hitchikers guide to the galaxy, discworld, lotr, do androids dream of electric sheep, earthsea, dune, and HP lovecraft esp cuthullu 

him and ford have both read the salmirilion and make it everyones problem

likes classic scifi and early cyberpunk, esp spec fic thats wacky or raises ethical questions to ponder with ford

loves sherlock homes and agatha christie, big who dunnit story fan

read good omens bc mabel likes the show (again, david tennant enjoyer) and its terry pratchet + neil gaiman, tries to get her to read the book for ages and eventually she listens to the audiobook

music

owns spirit phone on vinyl, made ford listen once and accidentally gave him flashbacks

likes lemon demon, TWERP, starbomb, NSP, tally hall, will wood, and other nerd bands 

they might be giants and potusa enjoyer

can and will recite the entirety of the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny at the drop of a hat

went through a midwest emo phase, still listens to csh

listens to vocaloid with candy; went to a concert with the gals and everyone learnt the dances, mabel decorated their light sticks 

always ends up belting [B]ABBA when drunk

Fav [B]ABBA songs are disco girl and under attack 

weezer defender, bullied by mabel and wendy

listens to math rock with ford while stan complains the time signatures and polyrhythms (though he’d never bother to learn the terms) give him a headache 

listens to game OSTs and chiptune stuff

mabel got him into musicals, knows the words to hamilton, bmc, and dear evan hansen, sing duets together

trans 

once forgot to take off a too small binder for like two days and fainted, mabel made him a custom one

short king, used to have hight dysphoria

mabel alters his pants bc mens trousers are evil for the transmasc gang

didnt shave ever when he first got his wiskers till pacifica staged an intervention 

forgot to tell stan he was trans till he got body hair and stan joked it was his genetics to thank, dipper responded he was lucky the T was actually effective

drinking/drugs

cant smoke weed or he gets suuuuper paranoid, only smoked once w wendy and tried to smoke more to calm down but just ended up greening hard

drinks alcoholic ginger beer and indie APIs wendy recommends, though shes more of a whisky and scotch

super low alcohol tolerance, doesnt drink often

drinks mabels own recipe cocktail monstrosities when she convinces him they wont get shitfaced, always ends up shitfaced because theyre 100% alcohol + sugar and mabels tolerance is like double his; always eventually ends with him trying to explain lotr poorly

once drank so much caffeine he started hallucinating 

tripsits mabel (LSD legend) and sometimes wendy (totally does shrooms), again is neurotic and should under no circumstances take hallucinogens 

sometimes smokes cigs when stressed, tries to hide it but is laughably bad, will ocasionally bum a cig off wendy

[mcgucketfanwhore]

Some of my Fiddleford headcanons I’ve come up with to please tumblr:

Fiddleford has a wandering eye and his glasses help fix it

Fiddleford was on the internet in its early days and he freaked out when nyan cat happened

Also he watched jogwheel can you microwave this videos and showed them to Tate

Tate gave fiddleford a laptop to keep him entertained while he’s working and that was a mistake cause fidds went to all corners of the internet

He’d also watch epic rap battles of history and runic cube speed runs

When Ford is back he shows him the Nikola Tesla vs Thomas Edison rap

He Sometimes sports a tinfoil hat

He refuses new clothes and wears all of his clothes that date back to the 70s until some of them become unwearable (but even post weirdmaggedon he’s still wearing his 70s clothes that lived)

The only time he wants new clothes is when he asks tate to help him buy a galaxy cat t shirt off of the internet

Tate wash’s and patches up all of fiddlefords clothes any chance he can get them away from him

I have more fiddleford headcanons but I think i shouldn’t put them all in one post so I shall give you more later

[huynh19nguyen]

If You Can't Beat Us Cheat Us T-shirt For Detroit Football Fans - Shibtee Clothing

Detroit sports fans have endured decades of disappointment from their beloved but oft struggling teams. Through it all they've maintained their hard-earned reputation as some of the most passionate fans in sports. A new t-shirt design from Shibtee Clothing strikes just the right tone to capture that Determined Detroit spirit.

The gray t-shirt prominently features the rallying cry "If You Can't Beat Us Cheat Us" in bold red letters. It's an amusing take on how even in defeat Detroit fans refuse to go down without a fight. They'll joke about unfair calls from the refs or bad luck keeping their teams from victory. But underneath is a stubborn refusal to ever give up hope for next season. Whether wearing it to games at Ford Field or Little Caesars Arena, the shirt sends a message: You might get the best of us today but we'll be back, still cheering just as loud.

Some will see the tong - oidohzt793

[manwalksintobar]

Hollywood // Bob Kaufman

Five square miles of ultra-contemporary nymphomania, Two dozen homos, to every sapiens, at last countdown, Ugly Plymouths, swapping exhaust with red convertible Buicks, Twelve-year-old mothers suing for child support, Secondhand radios making it with wide-screen TV sets, Unhustling junkies shooting mothball fixes, insect junk, Unemployed pimps living on neon backs of Unemployed whores.

Bisexual traffic lights, red-faced, with green shades, Fastest guns in video West slinging lisps with slowest fairies in ivy East. Unlit starlets seeking an unfilled galaxy, with an opening, Ranch Market hipsters who lost their cool in gradeschool, Yesterday idols, idle, whose faces were made of clay.

Horrible movie-makers making horrors that move, Teenage, were-kids, hot-rockers, rolling with the blows, Successful screen writers drinking down unsuccessful screams, Plastic beatniks in pubic beards, with artistically dirtied feet, Recreated Jimmy Deans, pompadours looking for sports-car mothers, Sunset strippers, clothed to the hilt--and no further.

San Francisco poets looking for an out place, looking way out of place, Televised detectives getting waves from television defectives, Disc jockeys with all-night shows and all-day habits, Bored Fords, with nothing in their future but grease jobs, Hindu holymen with police records clear back to Alabama, Mondrian-faced drive-ins featuring hamburger-broiled charcoal, Served in laminated fortune cookies.

Channel Something piano players down to their last mom, Down-at-head pot-smokers with down-at-heel eyes, Death-faced agents living on ten percent of nothing, Lady painters with three names having one-man shows of expensive framing, Unemployed Broadway actors with nothing to offer but talent, trying to look stupid,

In-group sick comedians, a lot sicker than their comedy, REAL SICK, No coast jazz musicians uncommitted, waiting to be committed, Scoopy columnists with two punctuation marks, both periods, Native-son Woodmen of the West, utterly convinced that Donald Duck is Jewish, Legions of decency borrowing their decency from the Legion, Impatient Cadillacs trading in their owners, for more successful models,

Lanky Calypso singers, caught with their fads down, trapped in beat coffee cups, With small-chested actresses, bosomed out by the big breast scene, Unsympathetic dope-peddlers, who refuse to honor credit cards, Carping critics refusing to see what's good, just because it isn't present, Lonely old De Mille-divorced God, seeking a new producer With a couple of rebuilt commandments . . . Hollywood I salute you, artistic cancer of the universe!

[the-firebird69]

He says we have to do this we need our citizens to get protection and this helps and I agree there's a few reasons and they're not readily apparent. This car is very strong the one that we designed and very inexpensive to make those are two points that are very big pluses and it looks almost just like this you can see the front bumper is not there and they're not these Chrome things sticking out it doesn't look that bad in this picture usually has bumpers on this year they all do which is ridiculous because the front had nothing in it and it could easily make a bumper and the rear had a configuration that you could have easily put a bumper underneath but they refused to they wanted to make it look cheap. They did and they lost sales people didn't feel cool after a while but with the new version they will. It looks like a cross between a Ford GT and the Lamborghini countach and it's not, it proceeded both of them and they took the idea this is the original car designed by our daughter and son and he designed the first one alone almost and she said look at that thing it looks like an amusement ride and it is they both worked in the second one part of it was modeled from his pinewood derby car and it's amazing this car can't go 3000 miles an hour but then it'll take flight but if you use the fins that are his design 6,000 mph with a high performance motor with a standard demon motor from the Dodge charger it will go with our shell that we sell in the kit 800 miles an hour if you put titanium alloy about 2300 miles an hour with just the standard motor soup it up and you have to put the fins on out of gear or two and you're going really way too fast and we mean soup it up in a different motor that's a souped-up Dodge demon but for all intensive purposes is extremely fast with our standard shell 800 miles an hour you'll be every single supercar out there and you may not want to it's extremely fast we're making our shell out of something different we're going to use plastic fiberglass reinforce then we are going to use carbon reinforced and now we decide to use the metal it's only about 3/16 in thick or a little less and it looks and feels like metal but it's good enough to like 2,200 miles per hour the reason to do that is safety and crash testing and it's kind of worthless without it cuz nobody wants to drive in it because they can make a metal one or they can make something out of better metal even aluminum would be better but we are going to use metal and he says finally and we can make a whole shell and just bolt it onto the frame reinforcing and everything included. It takes less time it's worth more money and we know how to do it yeah on one poor and molten metal and he's amazed cuz it is tough and plastics easier it's a similar process but different we are going ahead with it and we're making some prototypes and you could of course order it in two or three pieces and it shipped that way it goes inside each other and no it does not but the box is a smaller and more manageable and we have a kit with like eight pieces it depends on how you're going to receive it most of the time they will order one piece that's delivered to their house and it comes in one box. The kit includes several things.:

: the shell and it's the body and reinforcement in itself all the inserts for attaching everything that's required for it to be DOT approved and have a finished interior that comes with the kit and attachment hardware to the chassis and it provided by you unless you order a chassis and motor and drivetrain and reinforcing materials for your chassis and attachment hardware for your chassis and also includes all the inserts for your interior finishes and other devices needed for roll-up windows or electrical if you upgrade

: a full interior from the flooring which is cloth and it's not expensive but it looks nice like a high value sports car leather seats and they are not special leather but they're good enough to look extremely expensive and yes they're from the Corvette the carpet is custom of course the dashboard is custom but is a mold and it is high quality but it's not expensive to make and the gauges are high quality but they are mechanical and inexpensive

: safety gear for up to 800 mph even though most people think it's not required it is because the rating that the car will have prior to being assemble there is a basic package included and you can add to it but includes a four point harness for both seats and it is only a two-seater fire extinguisher located in obscure and several airbags required by law there are a couple other safety items there is a firewall and it's a double metal wall and we insert the second metal wall in the fireproofing between after the mold is made that is a precaution for fire from gasoline as well as an insulated gasoline tank that's double wall it's required for this performance level and all of the lines and everything that are used to hook up to your motor or provided all to the engine cavity

: a basic amenities sound system air conditioning I'm basic lights and indicators are all included

: high performance packages are offered and recommended for certain vehicles the Dodge charger and the Challenger and Ford mustang and cars like that and they have different kits because they're different size vehicles and they are completely different by the way the neon is like the GT1 and you will notice that there is a difference but the handling of the GT1 is intense the new one.

: also included in the packages all the mounting hardware for every single item you need if unless you provide the chassis of course you're responsible for the drivetrain the motor the suspension and we tell you what's dismantle off your car and what not to but you are to have a new linkage for your transmission and brake system all of it comes with the shell and hooks up to your engine and gas tank hooks up to your engine in the compartment and the lines are already run all the electrical harnesses run inside the shell already you are responsible for

: when you buy a kit full assembly and installation of the glass including the doors rear panel and front windshield and rear view mirrors and it's a fun project we do buy all these parts and provide them from different high performance vehicles

-from the Corvette usually the stingray the front rear windshield and seats

-from the Chevy Camaro there's a rear compartment that we use and we use some of the interior components and they do Mount directly on and this is all for the same size which is the Dodge charger size different vehicles have different parts from different vehicles

-from the Corvette LS1 the shift kit and we use that on all of them

-from Ferrari aftermarket parts the tires and rims that you can buy as an add-on

-from Porsche you can buy aftermarket rims and tires as well as part of the kit but we do use the rear view mirrors any position them as a supercar would as well as the rear view mirror and systems attached to it and it is compatible with the stingray windshield

-the rear trunk believe it or not it has a trunk and you can't tell the hinges are from aftermarket Ferrari companies and you would not be able to afford a Ferrari if you assembled it that way it costs about 65% of a regular Ferrari which go for about 1.5 million dollars and we're going to announce the price of the kit shortly it's so much lower that you shouldn't even look at this number in any way

We provide all the nuts bolts screws and hardware and odd tools that you need to put it together with. It comes fully painted inside now the roof on the inside of the car is provided by us and you install it all the fasteners are there it's not a hard install and as well as the blinds that you pull down and that is by Corvette several different models

-the oldest one Corvette which has no labels steering wheel and steering column

And mac daddy says that that steering won't call him and some of the interiors parts are very cool and the seats match the door panels it's very high end looking but it's very high quality it's just not very high-end it's it's a very nice and durable in the box and back is extremely helpful people there is an alternate for a four-seater with a like a little suicide seat in the back we don't recommend it but people do it

: high performance packages are not included but are not expensive they range from $500 to $1000

: we do not include in the package in the kit unless you order it specifically as an ad the chassis and tires rims drivetrain suspension you can buy one of those and brand new we have them from Dodge charger demon all the way to a brand new 23 Dodge neon chassis motor drivetrain and it's all ready to go all you do is attach everything when we do it that way we do want to find a little to make it much easier although you need to install the reinforcing mostly though a lot of people will use their used cars because it's their car and it is something that they would like to do with it these are very nice vehicles and they look very nice like the above but it is more modern looking and the whole is extremely strong it is rated to 2200 mph we would say 2,300 but it's law that you can't. And the suspension and tires would have to be changed of course but it is very very solid and extremely powerful and fast with just a basic neon and you would have the GT1 2024 kit which does not look like the old one fortunately you would have a top speed of 245 mph with a stock neon motor if you got the high performance kit for the motor it will go $285 mph the GT2 and we did mention it with the Dodge charger basic version which is the basic manufacturer provided V8 would go 700 mph.

The kit price is: 4,500.00 and it's a rough figure some of us are trying to make it less expensive and it does work and it is safe

The ad for the chassis the motor and the transmission: 3500.00 and yes it's US dollars theoretically you have $8,000 supercar and the brand new Challenger or charger they run around 35,000 you're saving money and you have a better car the stereo would not be so good and you might not have electric windows but these cars would blow the doors off of a Challenger and charger with ease even though it's the same motor they would blow the doors off the brand new Ferrari the brand new Lamborghini the brand new Porsche the brand new Ford GT the brand new Bugatti the brand brand new anything would not have a chance the only one that would have a close chance would be the brand new Ferrari actually and there's a brand new Lamborghini but they would not be able to touch it at the high end in any way and handling a superb with the suspension tire wheel ad and that high performance package is really really inexpensive and we use Corvette tires and you see they look like race car tires cuz they are more or less it's $1,000 for the ad a $9,000 car can beat a car that cost 3.5 million dollars

We're looking to sell these and we started making the hull. And we assembled some kits about 3,000 and we're looking for people who want to model them use them to commute to work or to drive around on the weekend we do request a certain number of miles minimum a week for a certain duration and really it's only a period of a month or a month and a half and it's only around 2 or 300 miles a week and most people do about 1,000 miles a week these days and we're looking for volunteers you would get the title at the end of your period we would have a mileage counter and a tractor of course but it's known technology and it's not illegal and we would take it out once it's your vehicle or you can take it out it's up to you we do have to see it and we're offering it now on the first come first serve basis and we're offering it fully assembled from the factory with warranty and guarantee once it's signed over to you you are to have insurance but we do have an umbrella insurance policy that covers it in case of a catastrophic accident and things like that because it is more or less kind of like a rental and a promotional it is a very very large insurance policy but we do not want you to get an accident and it is a risk but it's part of the program and it's kind of a status symbol because it was the it was the foundation for the Lamborghini countach and it was a foundation for the Ford GT and the lotus Esprit. And we're not suing we sort of had them do it. The kid is a very inexpensive kid and it's because it's aftermarket parts no they're collected parts and they are overstock. It's also assembled by you and it has a limited parts warranty only and it's also usually on your chassis so those are big reasons and they're real the other reason is it's a kit car and it's not usually fully assembled but we do sell them that way and they cost a bit more fully assembled we will announce the price later but we don't want to now he says it's true kind of changes the game. The Buick Grand national we're going to make a kit for and it is the smaller version we had a high performance package it is almost twice as fast as any other vehicle top speed is about 600 or 700 miles per hour and it handles extremely well and nothing can beat it of that size classification the Corvette would not even keep up at all that goes almost 300 mph.

So the crew on Hawaii Five-O tried to replicate it and they did it several different ways try to take molds from the car tried to scan it several of them use the original and try to reinforce it and it didn't work that well and our son said you have to make it a metal so I guess you have to make new molds and so that's what the Japanese guy did and he made a lot of thicker ones and stronger ones and it really works well he said he's got it up to 800 miles an hour and he used the Corvette LS1 chassis for the larger version didn't have to do much just put a new body on and it went much faster the sun says the rear of it is a vacuum break and it's kind of swirls around the top and comes back in the rear and swirls in the bottom and comes back and the faster you go it pushes you and people say no way so we're going to publish but we're looking for volunteers and some people know how to find us I guess we're hoping it works and we want to sell these

Thor Freya

We've approved this program and we're not having trouble getting it going where not getting it going 100% yet we want to see what the effect is

Olympus

[lordofhunger47]

Not Anymore

How do people describe Mabel Pines? To her Brother, she is the bright twin who always sees the bright side of everything, to her Grunkles she is the sunshine that never goes down, and to her friends, she is the girl who is always hopeful.

 

Yet, What is Mabel Pines to herself? There have been times that she had a self-image problem like her anticlimactic meeting with the unicorns, the beings who were considered the purest of all supernatural beings turned out to be  far  from the paragons of virtue they were painted as, just as flawed as humans. Guess even in the world of supernaturals some fantasies are just that, fantasies.

 

Or how some people view her as a silly girl too obsessed with glitters, yes Dipper wasn’t the only one who got bullied in schools. Sure, it wasn’t as bad as Dipper and she had a lot of friends, but still, she was a magnet for queen bees to mock her for being… herself, it is either her fashion sense or her attitude or whatever obscene reason they could think of. 

 

Despite all that, she passes the barriers with pride and optimism as she knows, that whatever happens, she will have her brother, her family, and her friends to support her. That was until the eventful summer.

 

During that summer vacation, Mabel and her twin saw wonders, made new friends, met people, and had 2 new family members whom they hold dear. However, it wasn’t all rainbow as Mabel hoped to be because she faced the dark parts of her life which she refused to acknowledge and masqueraded her willful ignorance as optimism. Even so, her attempts failed as reality crashed down on her like a hammer on a glass board.

 

Unicorns are jerks, not all people are good, life is not a romance novel, love is not cut and dry, and invading someone’s privacy even if it was for their own sake tends to do more harm than good as she realized when she learned about the deteriorated state of Tambry and Robbie’s relationship and that fiasco during the road trip leading to Candy’s heartbreak and her brother being bashed for her own mistakes   and the harshest of all, Change is inevitable.

As life shed their old skins, so as people. Her friends from Piedmont wore revealing clothes in their teenhood and kept gossiping to the point they were almost unrecognizable. Pacific, though still haughty, has developed into a better person and even become friends with Mabel. Grenada, one of her girl friends, had managed to live every girl’s fantasy and had a prince charming as her boyfriend. Wendy, the slacking cashier has started taking her studies seriously and even asked for Dipper’s aid in torturing her online. Speaking of Dipper, her brother was far from the nervous wreck he used to be, in fact, he put his bully in his place with his bare hands which made her both worried but also proud. Yet the most frightening of all changes was herself.

 

Don’t get wrong, at the core she is still the same girl who sees the glass as half full, yet she has changed either way. The old Mabel was into making gossip and talking about boys whereas the current Mabel has lost interest in any of that, the new Mabel no longer flirted with every boy she sees due to how jaded she become after her disaster of a summer romance, the present Mabel no longer obsessed with unicorns and the old Mabel was afraid of growing up.

 

Sometimes, Mabel like her male twin has nightmares of their time in the small town of Gravity Falls, often it involves a certain isosceles. Worst, she couldn’t talk about it to her parents knowing full well that at best they wouldn’t believe her and at worst she will never see that small town in Oregon ever again. On the plus side, she had her sibling to comfort her, as her friends from Gravity Falls and her Grunkles, although because of Stan and Ford’s adventures they aren’t always available.

 

Despite that, there was a particular detail she was afraid of telling them, her role in Weirdmaggedon. She saw how bad it was, but she only started to grasp how bad truly was when it was over. She heard horror stories from his friends and family, but still, that wasn’t even the worst part, no the worst part was when she learned that people died.

 

His family tried to hide that piece of knowledge from her; Nevertheless, they underestimated her as she learned later. The revelation hit her like cold water as she finally comprehend the weight of what had happened to her horror.

 

And after horror, it was guilt. A pang of gut-wrenching guilt threatens to cripple her. The fact that she sometimes hears her brother’s screams and nightmares only made it worse. She wanted to shout out and declare that she is guilty, yet the fear of how her friends and family would react kept her from doing that. How was it fair to trade the world for  one  more summer? How was it fair that others suffered but she got to live in her own fantasy? How was it fair that she got to live while others died? What kind of sister would replace her own brother for a yes man?

Those dark thoughts threaten to cripple her as it was eating her from inside. She tried to suppress it, yet all she managed to do was make it worse. She sought distractions in her passion for art, her love for Waddles, and even tried to listen to the annoying buzzing of her friends in Piedmont, chatting and fuzzing about new students, which boy is the most handsome and cosmetics. Old Mabel would enjoy those, Not the present-day Mabel.

 

In spite of all that, all she did was build a dam against a harsh tide, cracks started to show such as being less cheerful and that one time having a reaction to a newbie in school for his name being ‘Bill’, how ironic that this time she was the paranoid twin and not his brother. 

 

His twin was the first one to see the cracks, which was followed by their worried parents, except in the case of her parents she knew it is certainly that whether they would believe her or not, she and Dipper would be banned to set foot in Gravity Falls or ever be in contact with the Grunkles ever again. Not that their parents are bad though, they are decent and Mabel loves them, but let’s be honest, what kind of sane mother and father wouldn’t be horrified if they find out that their kids were in constant life-threatening situations and are scared for life? Things are already heated between her parents and her Grunkles after they learned about Stan’s fake death and switching identities between them minus the extramundane part, no need to add more fuel to the fire.

 

As for her dear sibling? She was too afraid to tell him and she felt that she already had taken him for too much granted and this is a burden she should carry by herself. Unknown to her that thanks to her suppression, there will be consequences.

 

“Huh? What is this?” Mabel replied as she was in the dark.

 

“Where am I?” Mabel questioned as she looked around, then she collided with a wall.

 

“Oops! Silly me” She moved past the wall, and despite the darkness, she could tell she entered a room “Now…where is the switch…” Mabel used her hand to search for the switch until she hit a switch and flickering light came, what she saw both surprised her and confused her.

 

The room she entered had a desk with her name on it with a window to a view that made her dread, what she saw beyond the window was the sight of something that looked like the love child of a carnival and one of those sparkly old cartoons, except there was no one, there were no sparks, the sky was dark and the whole place looked like a ghost town, that was then she realized she is in-

 

“MABELLAND?!” Mable exclaimed, she thought this place looked familiar, she was in the her-used-to-be room and what looked like the used-to-be room.

“But… I destroyed this place!” Mabel started walking backward, her mind racing with a hundred thoughts, ‘ What am I doing here?!’, ‘How is this possible!?’, ‘We left this place!’, ‘Wasn’t this place supposed to be no more?’ , ‘What if…I never left this place in the first place?!’  that last thought only made her panic worse, then she hit something from the back.

 

“SWEET SALLY!” Startled Mabel jumped back to see what he hit “Bro bro?” Mabel respond as she saw it was none other than her brother, Dipper Pines but from his back.

 

“Oh gosh, I nearly had a heart attack.” Mabel vocalized in relief.

 

“Did you mess with magic again? Or is this one of that typical weirdness we keep finding ourselves in?” Mabel questioned, yet Dipper was unresponsive.

 

“Bro?” Mabel called, but still no response.

 

“Okay broseph, you won I’m scared, now will you stop the prank?” Mabel remarked in annoyance, still no response, Dipper didn’t even turn back.

 

Mabel walks toward him slowly “Dipper?” She stated his name in worry, by walking close she noticed something odd, he wore glasses in the dark and Dipper had his tapping hat upside down, Dipper traded hats with Wendy and he doesn’t wear his hats upside down.

 

When she got nearer, her right hand came for his shoulder “Is everything all ri-” Dipper’s head rotated 180 degrees in a swift move which caused her to yep and fall, when Dipper slowly opened his eyes, her blood ran cold from what she saw as Dipper removed his sunglasses.

 

“HIYA SHOOTING STAR!” the pupils of his looked like cats with yellow scleras, his grin was disturbing wide and his voice was of none other than-

 

“BILL!?” Mabel shouted in fear.

 

“WAS THE MATTER? DID YOU MISS ME? ADMIT IT! YOU  MISSED ME!”  His last words became demonic as his body fell to thousands of worms and insects which attacked her.

“WAIT WAIT!_``Too late, she tried to run but the swarm devoured her like a blanket, she wanted to scream; however, she was unable to do so.

 

Then she finds herself in what looked like a court, it was the very court she had with Dipper in real life. Her first reaction was to startle and try to remove the swarm of insects that no longer appeared, after which she looked around.

 

“What the hey hey!?” Mabel uttered.

 

Then a light inside of the dark court shows up in the place of the judge, which is sat upon by the possessed Bill.

 

“SORRY, THE TRAVEL AGENCY CAN BE QUITE TOUCHY, GET IT? TOUCHY! HAHAHAHAHA!” Bill or Bipper cackled at his own joke.

 

“What have you done to my brother!?” Mabel yelled in anger and fear.

 

“NOTHING! I MEAN, DO YOU KNOW WHAT A HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE IT WAS TO POSSESS THAT BODY? I RATHER POSSESS A MOOSE THAN THAT MEAT SACK EVER AGAIN! AND DON’T TELL ME YOU FORGOT YOUR COOL BRO THIS SOON.” Bill poses to himself.

 

“My-” She looked again, and recognized that the body Bill had was none other than Dippy Fresh.

 

“Dippy Fresh?” Mabel replied.

 

“WELL, YOU DO WITH WHAT YOU HAVE.” Bill shrugged.

 

“How are you alive!? Grunkle Stan beat you!”

 

“BEAT ME IN THE BUSH!” 

 

“That’s not_!” then realization hit Mabel “Hehehe, Now I remember, I was asleep this isn’t real! I’m hallucinating…” Her giggles continued, “HAHA, Perfect! I’m going loony! This whole thing is just a fragment of my subconscious torturing me!” her giggles turn into laughter.

 

“MAYBE…OR MAYBE I'M YOUR CONSCIENCE! OR MAYBE I HAVE COME BEYOND DEATH TO HAUNT AND ACCOMPANY YOU AND MAKE A SHOW ABOUT IT!” Bill snaps his fingers, suddenly blue fires lit up around the court, and his clothes change to the ones he wore when he possessed Dipper.

“ I BET IT WOULD BE POPULAR WITH THE KIDS! THE GHOST AND MABEL PINES! TOTALLY PG FRIENDLY! NOT LIKE THOSE DISGUSTING FANFICS, MY FANS LOVE TO WRITE ABOUT ME!” Bill expressed in a way as if he wanted to vomit from saying those last words.

 

"What fanfics?" Mabel quizzed.

 

"ANYWAY! WHETHER IT IS REAL OR YOU HAVE GONE INSANE ISN'T THE ISSUE, WHAT IMPORTANT IS THIS COURT IS NOT FOR THE JUDGE, BUT THE SUSPECT! BY THE WAY! NO LAWYERS ARE ALLOWED, THEY ARE ICKY!" Bill points his hammer at Mabel.

 

"YOU ARE GUILTY OOOOF…."

 

drum sounds come from nowhere.

 

"INNOCENCE!" drums stopped and smacks his hammer.

 

A minute passes until Mabel states "I'm starting to see why Dipper hated my court…" Mabel wondered in bafflement at this ridiculousness.

 

"NO CHEERS? WHY? USUALLY, SUSPECTS ARE HAPPY WHEN THEY ARE PROVEN INNOCENT, UNLESS…" Bipper's grin turns malicious.

 

"YOU ARE FAR FROM BEING INNOCENT!" Bill snaps his finger again, this time a video of Mabel showing up which shows her putting a love portion in Tambry and Robbie's fries.

 

"OK time out! That ended well at the end." Mabel argued.

 

"NOT FROM WHAT WE HEARD OF YOUR TWISTED MASTERPIECE LAST TIME!" Bill retorted.

 

"Melody and Soos-" 

 

"TATATA! NOT COUNTING THAT, YOU ONLY ADVISED HIM, NOT PLANNING THEIR WEDDING!" Bill uses the hammer to point at Mabel as Mabel's hands lock together as she sits grumpily.

 

"BESIDES, THAT'S LIKE CONGRATULATING A KID FOR STEALING DRUGS AND USING THEM TO SLOW THE PAIN, BUT IF YOU AREN'T CONVINCED, THEN LET'S SHOW YOUR LAST "MATCHMAKINGS".

The Video shows the whole fiasco with Dipper during their road trip.

 

"I MEAN HYPOCRISY MUCH? YOU LITERALLY CONDEMNED PINE TREE FOR NOT AGREEING WITH YOUR MATCHMAKING AND DOING THE SAME THING YOU DO ON A DAILY BASIS!"

 

 

Then the video shows Mabel's advances toward boys and creeping them out, one time it shows Mabel giving a boy her 'Yes, Definity, Absolutely" paper to him, only for the boy to circle the N and the O together, hence Mabel's sour face.

 

" PFF  HAHAHAHA! OH, THAT ONE SLAPS ME ON THE KNEE!" Bill slaps his knee to Mabel's soured face, which looks similar to the one from the picture shown.

 

"I get it, I get it! Invading others' privacy even if it is with good intentions rarely ends well, I learnt that!" Mabel refuted in irritation.

 

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU APOLOGIZE TO PINE TREE FOR MAKING HIM LOOK LIKE A PLAYBOY?" Bill vocalized with a smug face.

 

"I…I…"

 

"I!OH!I! BECAUSE MABEL PINES CAN'T ADMIT TO HER INFALLIBILITY!" Then the sound of 'Boooo!' Came from nowhere.

 

"That's wrong! I admitted to my faults before!" Mabel protested.

 

"LIKE THAT TIME YOU TRAPPED RED AND PINE TREE AND AFTER THAT YOU PROMISED TO NOT BE PUSHY?" The video shows Mabel during that Bunker exploration, Mabel cringes at that.

 

"OR MAYBE… WHEN YOU DEFEATED ME AND APOLOGIZED FOR BEING SELFISH!" The video shows the Sock Opera incident only to later show the times after which Mabel took Dipper for granted.

 

"I MEAN FROM ONE DECEIVER TO ANOTHER, YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT GIVING FALSE PROMISES, THIS LOOKS LIKE SOME STUPID EPISODES FROM A SATURDAY NIGHT CARTOON SHOW!" Bill gave his opinion on the art of deceiving.

 

"I'm not that person anymore, I've grown up!" Mabel snared.

 

"OH REALLY? THE GIRL WHO WAS AFRAID OF GROWING UP, NOW IS A FAN OF IT?" The video now plays Mabel being afraid of growing up.

"IF YOU ARE SOOOO "MATURE '' '' Two indexes of each of Bipper's hands come up moving up and down "THEN WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF TELLING THEM OF OUR DEAL?"

 

The video pictures Mabel giving the rift to Blendin.

 

"Objection! I didn't even know it was you! Heck, I didn't even know what that thing was!" Mabel objected.

 

"ACCEPTABLE!" Bill uses the hammer to smack on the table to Mabel's amazement, not expecting to be heard "NOT THAT YOU HAD ANY CHANCE OF FIGURING ME OUT ANYWAY, BEING THE DUMB TWIN AND ALL THAT CLICHÉ…" Mabel glared at Bill, this court was striking her nerves.

 

"THEN LET'S SEE HOW YOU REACTED AFTER YOU FIGURED IT OUT!" The video manifests Mabel ignoring Dipper's claims about Bill's Weirdmaggedon, talking about how sucky real life is, and even threatening to throw Dipper out, this particular hit on Mabel as she looked down in shame.

 

"TO BE FAIR, THE WHOLE INGENIOUS BUBBLE IDEA OF MINE, WAS TO KEEP YOU STAY BY GIVING YOU WHAT YOU WANTED, WHICH SAYS A LOT ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU VALUE YOUR BELOVED TWIN!" Bipper with a snap changes his clothes into Dippy Freshs'.

 

Mabel now felt even more guilty as the guilt washes her.

 

"PEOPLE IN MABEL'S WORLD ARE GOOD ONLY AS LONG AS THEY GROVEL UNDER HER FEET!" Bill makes a malevolent grin and the video shows Dipper giving up on his apprenticeship with Ford "JUST. LIKE. ME!" His eyes go red as the fire around and a blue fire burns the video.

 

Bill or rather Bipper grows larger all of sudden which causes the chair and the table of the judge to be broken, Mabel reacts by frantically running from the giant Bipper as he follows her with multiple hands growing out of him. Mabel ran toward the door to get away from the grinning multi-hand monster; nonetheless, Bill had no plan to let her escape as the door closed before Mabel could get out, leaving her at the mercy of her mockery of her brother’s flesh.

 

“THERE IS NO HIDING NOW! THIS PLACE IS NOW YOUR PENANCE!” then a giant sledgehammer materializes in two of his right arms.

 

“AND YOU ARE JUDGED! GUILTY!” The Sludgehammer falls on Mabel.

 

"OBJECTION!" Mabel yelled just before her head touched it as she closed her eyes in fear.

 

"YES?" Bill questioned.

Mabel carefully opens her eyes "If Mabelland was designed to hold me, doesn't that mean it would be much more elaborate to hold me by giving me what I thought I needed instead of what I truly needed?"

Mabel inquired.

 

Mumbling sounds came out of nowhere, whereas Bill looked around.

 

"And true, my words are empty but what about actions?" Mabel inquired again.

 

Then a video plays near the end of the summer where Mabel gives Dipper a journal to write on.

 

"How about that time I ditched my So-Called-Friends at school for making fun of Dipper?" 

 

Mabel grabbed the collar of one queen bee and angrily threatened her.

 

"Or that time I essentially committed social suicide by distracting everyone from seeing Dipper with ruined clothes?”

 

It now shows Mabel making a fool out of herself by acting crazy by trying to eat a boy's head, while Dipper runs away with holes all over his clothes, turns out he was experimenting in a Chemistry lab with no one's supervision, good thing he always brings spare clothes.

 

"Or how about my conversation about future plans?"

 

The screen now shows Dipper and Mabel conversing with each other in their house.

 

"Okay, I'm going to stop you right there."

 

"But-"

 

"Me accepting Great Uncle Ford's apprenticeship was a heat-of-the-moment thing; besides, do you really think our parents would allow me or us to spend the rest of our childhood with someone who is a complete stranger to them? Just because I intend to spend the rest of my childhood with you doesn't mean I don't have plans and aspirations, you have yours as well, as long as we don't let that jeopardize our relationship and learn to balance things out, we won't end up like our Grunkles, are you ready to face the unknown?"

"...Nope! But hey, who is?" Mabel smiled and fist pumped with Dipper.

 

Mabel smiled at that particular memory, "I may use to be selfish, but not anymore I ain't! because I grow up" Mabel declared in triumph.

 

"OH, THAT ALMOST REACHED MY NONEXISTING BLOOD PUMP DRIVE…OH WELL, TIME TO WAKE!" Bill readies his sledgehammer.

 

"WAIT WAIT!" Mabel shouted.

 

SMACKED

 

"YAHOO!"

 

Mabel wakes up in her bed.

 

"Woah, what's it?" Dipper wakes up in worry.

 

" * phew * nothing, just some weird dream…" Mabel replied in relief.

 

"Oh by the way, sorry for the whole road trip thing bro, that was hypocritical of me."

 

Dipper was startled by the unexpected apology and looked at Mabel weirdly "Okaaay, a bit random, but thanks anyway." Dipper lay down to bed.

 

"Good night."

 

"Nighty night."

 

And thus both fall asleep, 'Not today, but one day I will tell them about the rift.' Mabel reassured herself internally, only for Mabel to realize that technically their room's window is triangle shaped, thus she hard a hard time sleeping.

 

'Damn you, Bill!'  Internally cursed Bill.

Note:I may be a hard critic of Mabel's character, but that is only because I believe she didn't reached her potential as a co-protagonist and was cuddled too much( The Author's favorite pet syndrome).

The only time I actually disliked Mabel was the infamous Roadside Attraction episode.

[brain-bumbler]

Terrible Psychonauts AU number 2/3849458

Since the circus is on hold and the Psychonauts owe a big one to the Aquatos (please don't sue us for our founder scrambling your family's brains like fried eggs) they decide to kill two birds and offer jobs/financial support to the family. Dion gets a job in the mail room. Now, normally Dion would never in a billion years agree to work for the Psychonauts, but his family needs the money and dangit, his folks are so proud of him. What is he gonna do, loaf around all day while his siblings work to support him? Hell. No. He can deal with it. Unlike Gristol, who was an insincere suck-up, Dion is grumpy, crude, and short-tempered. He doesn't win himself a lot of fans. But he's also organized and a perfectionist which makes him great at his job. He refuses to wear business clothes and turns the mailroom into a makeshift acrobatics gym. But when the mail tubes go down and his boss panics, he personally delivers every package that comes in, and it's somehow more efficient. Everyone warms up to him eventually. "Oh, you went to mail a letter and the clerk asked if it was addressed in a language only idiots could read, or your handwriting was really that bad? Yeah that's Dion, he once stayed two hours past his shift to make sure I got my medication delivered to me on time." Any school kid that wanders into the mailroom leaves with a psi-pop. The new interns figure out if they head down there when they're having a bad day, they'll get one too. Ford Cruller is the only person who never receives a single piece of mail on time, and when he does get it, it's hidden in such strange places he's sure that the kid must be secretly using psychic powers to get it there. Dion claims he hates seeing his siblings around work, but for some reason all their mail needs to be hand-delivered by him, and every time they come out of the mailroom their pockets are lined with dream fluffs.

[lostcybertronian]

28 with darkstache? Please? -cookie

In honor of ISWM. I combined this with another in my inbox. Have some pining!Colonel and Dark.

Tags: @darkstache-iplier @redraspberrycats @cookieface678 @bing-iplier @storm337 @sketchy-scribs-n-doods @pixelenchanter @itsjustkyss @darkiplurrr @darksaceofshadows @xpouii @projectwkm @sororia04s @purple-anxiety-blog @rabbitsartcorner @tried-my-best @endangered-cryptid-reblogs @skatle-skootle-demon-noodle

Prompt 28/32: “I can’t let you do that.” / “I can’t move.”

Awareness brought the sharp sting of velcro straps digging into his wrists and ankles and throbbing pain in his head, like someone was driving a spike into the back of his skull.

Arching his back against the restraints and feeling it thud to frigid metal, he flexed his fingers, grasping at nothing before clenching them into fists. All he could see when he wrenched his eyes open was smooth, low-arching metal ceiling. To the left, a dark-tinted window. To the right, there was-

A hand folded itself around his, gently prying his fingers apart and smoothing them flat. Wilford appeared, eyebrows furrowed, forehead creased. “Don’t be doing that, Darkie.”

Every few seconds his face seemed to pause, like parts of him were lagging behind what was really going on. And then he snapped back together as Colonel William J. Barnum, the medals pinned to his jacket gleaming under the dull lighting. In one hand he held his gun, clutching the painstakingly polished weapon as if it were a lifeline.

“Wil-” What to call him? Dark’s breath caught, the rise and fall of his chest stuttered. “I can’t move,” he said instead, jerking his hand from Wil-ford-liam’s and wrenching it against the straps. He squints against the pounding in his head, and for a moment his vision goes double; twin shadows shift across twin Wils’ faces. “What is happening? Are we moving?”

The Colonel’s eyebrows rose behind his multi-lensed glasses. “We’re on a space-ship,” he said, pronouncing the word as if it were many. “What wondrous new technology?”

“A spaceship?” Dark’s eyes widened. He raised his head, looked left to find the window wasn’t tinted at all; the endless black of space met his stare, and refused to blink. He renewed his struggle to get free of the velcro straps. “You need to let me out of here. We need to-”

William was back to Wilford again, except he wore clothing out of the seventies, a bushy pink afro pulled haphazardly over a mess of black hair. His fingers lagged behind his hand as he reached over to boop Dark’s nose. “I can’t let you do that,” he said cheerfully, “you might try to massacre half the ship again.”

“I-” It all came back. Mark fumbling to fix life support, the ADS system, the cryo pods. All Dark’s sabotages. All his attempts to finally bring the actor down. Dark gritted his teeth. Thunked his head to the metal and barely felt the pain under the sting of complete and utter failure.

The ship rocked; several deafening blasts shook the hull. Alarms shrieked themselves to life, blaring an obnoxious song as more explosions threatened to drown them out.

“I’m late!” Wilford stood up suddenly, leaving half his body behind before it finally caught up to him and he became the Colonel once more. “Bully, I can’t miss the show!”

“What show? Wil-” But Dark was cut off when the Colonel bent, pressing his face close to Dark’s. The curly, coarse hairs of his mustache brushed his ear as he whispered, “I do wish we had had more time, my dearest friend. But it seems–” he paused as yet another blast shook the ship– “it seems life has other plans for us.”

He withdrew, cupping Dark’s face for the briefest of moments before turning away, melting back into his seventies clothing as he did. Gun replaced with a martini that he promptly took a healthy gulp of, Wilford shot Dark a wink as he sauntered from the room, the door sliding open as he slapped his hand to the panel. “I’ll be back, Darkie, don’t you worry.” He said, disappearing, the door whooshing shut behind him.

Dark didn’t watch him go. Instead, he stared at the ceiling, the violent rocking of the ship almost but not quite enough to soothe the raging tide inside him.

[satchihatchi]

Fantasy emperor AU

A long time ago, two kingdoms were in never-ending war - The kingdom of Forest (KoF) and the Kingdom of Chaos (KoCh). Those two were in a war for so long, they don't even know how it all started. It was always a war on borders, but one day, the Kingdom of Chaos used the moment of surprise and even tho Elfs and inhabitants of the Kingdom of Forest were strong, they had no chance to win the overruled attack. Their kingdom has only two options - resist and be destroyed and turned into war slaves or find a way how to connect both kingdoms and save themselves. The King and Queen of Elfs, therefore, make a difficult decision - they give their firstborn and heir of the throne - Dipper, as a husband and trophy for the king of the Kingdom of Chaos. Dipper resists and refuses to marry and leave his beloved family and country forever, mostly bc of his family but also bc he was in love with Wendy Corduroy.

No matter how much Dipper refuses, his family decides to sent Dipper away forcefully, bringing Ford with him as Dipper's companion and advisor for the first few months to make sure Dipper won't leave or do something silly. Right at crossing borders with KoCh, Dipper gets the first shock - he is told to undress, not allowed to arrive into kingdom wearing or having anything that belongs to another court. He, therefore, is humiliated, checked by the doctor if it's really him and not Mabel in disguise (who btw is already married to Gideon from another kingdom of Pride). After that, in new clothes and a few days of traveling, they finally arrive in the capital of KoCh. Dipper is surprisingly welcomed quite warmly, even tho people of the kingdom judge him for being an Elf prince.

He is then introduced to his husband-to-be - king Bill Cipher. And their first meeting...well... isn't the best one, to say at least.

Bill is truly arrogant, narcissistic, and has a cold heart. He sees Dipper just as a trophy and a way for having pleasure relief, starting with their wedding night. Dipper hates him down to the bone, wanting nothing but to run away from there. But he cant... It makes Dipper really depressed that he stops smiling, speaking, just acting like a doll.

He after months of Bill's cruelty is finally broken and that is the point Bill notices something is wrong.

Before Dipper was hard to get, shy, angry sometimes he even dared to slap Bill in the bedroom...but now he is just silent, just pretending to be a good queen. It gets even into a point of Dipper becoming a sleepwalker - having dreams about him home, love, everything he misses so much, almost falling down the tower if Bill hadn't seen him and caught him. He asks Dipper what's wrong, but Dipper says nothing.

Bill realizes the only person he maybe liked a little bit is now not the same person anymore bc of him. So he wants to fix it.

He tries to be nicer to his husband, showing him prettier sides of the castle and kingdom, stopping making Dipper do anything or wanting pleasure. And it actually works...slowly but surely. Dipper starts to feel less like a toy, being able to be himself again, and eventually, he starts to believe and like Bill a little.

At this point, where Dipper is prepared to give the ruling and Bill a second chance, it has been 2 years since the marriage. Ford no longer is with Dipper but he isn't feeling so lonely anymore. Yes, he is extremely happy to see his sister when she and Gideon make deals with Bill, but having a husband who now cares about him and fears breaking his love's mind again... is something indescribable....

Maybe living in the Kingdom of Chaos is not so bad at all...