#for that matter never talk to an autistic person either.

[azelmaandeponine]

Gotta love how the Gravity Falls fandom still has no media literacy and is putting out the worst """character analysis""" videos known to man.

[catgirlwizard]

.

[weird-and-unwell]

“Autism isn’t a disability”, “it’s just a difference”.

I am of lower support needs. I hold down a (part time) job. I have travelled around my home country. I live alone.

At work they complain about my speech. I’m too quiet, they say, “barely audible” is the words used at my autism assessment. My voice is all monotone, and it needs to be more expressive. I get this complaint every week for a year straight, until my manager gives up. I don’t attend trainings because I forget and find it overwhelming anyways. My coworkers form friendships, and I watch them talk, wondering how they make it look so easy. I get a new manager, I tell her I find the work socials too overwhelming to attend. She tells me I can just say I don’t want to come. I don’t know how to tell her that I desperately want to, to be like the rest of my coworkers, instead of constantly being the one sat on the sidelines.

I come home, and I can hear my neighbours again. The niggling background noise messes with my head, and I meltdown; I throw myself on the floor, I hit my head on the ground repeatedly as I scream and cry, tear out my hair and scratch my arms and face. When I complain, people tell me that I just have to accept that neighbours make noise, that I should just ignore it, or block it out. I am the problem, the one overreacting. I put in earplugs and it hurts and I'm crying again. I wear headphones but I can't handle the noise for that long.

I have reminders set for everything. Every chore, no matter how big or small. My phone beeps at me, reminding me that I need to wash the dishes. If I don't go now, then tick the little box on my phone to say I did it, it won't get done. My home is almost always a mess despite this. It's not just chores either. I won't think to wash, dress myself, brush my teeth or hair, without those reminders. And unless someone actively prompts me to do so, I will do those tasks "wrong". I haven't changed my underwear in a month, and I'm currently aware that's a problem, but within the hour I'm going to forget all over again until I'm next prompted.

I can't sleep without medication - it's not unusual for autistic people to have messed up circadian rhythms. Without my medication it's hard to even tell when I'm awake and when I'm asleep. When I was younger and at school I slept through so many lessons, and when I have my mandatory breaks from my sleep meds I sleep through every alarm I set. I want to work full time some day, and I'm terrified of what my sleep issue will mean for me then.

I don't travel independently. I don't travel anywhere alone, always with someone or to someone. If to someone, I have assistance the whole way. I find it embarrassing sometimes. Yes, I have a job that requires a certain level of intelligence. No, I cannot get on a train by myself. If I am not shown To The Train, To My Seat, I will be unable to travel.

Last time I travelled, I was left alone at the station for ten minutes. I stayed rigid and sobbed the whole time. I was overwhelmed. It was too loud, I didn't know where I was or where I was meant to be going, and until the assistance person came back I couldn't do anything because for some reason I cannot understand it.

I spend a lot of time trying to explain to people that despite my relative competence, I am unable to do many things. Why can I understand high level maths but not how to get on a damn train? No fucking idea.

"Autism isn't a disability" most severely affects those with higher support needs, and this is absolutely not to take away from them. But for fucks sake, autism is disabling.

Maybe you personally are extremely lucky and just find you're a little "socially awkward", or just find some textures painful or nauseating. Maybe you would be fine with just a couple of adjustments.

But for a lot of us, even lower support needs autistics, it doesn't work like that. I will never sleep properly without medication. I still have the self-harming type of meltdowns as an adult, over things that are deemed as being "just part of life". I live alone but have daily visits from family - if I'm left fully alone I forget all the little daily things one is "meant" to do. I had speech therapy as a child to get me to the "barely audible" "mostly correct" speech. I don't mask, I'm not really sure how I would to begin with.

I'm not unhappy with being autistic. It's just who I am. Life would be easier if I were neurotypical, but I also wouldn't be me. I just wish those luckier than me could...stop saying it's all chill and not at all a disability.

Because yes, socially, I am "awkward". I obviously don't make eye contact - I stare down and to the side of whoever I speak to. People think it's weird or creepy or a sign of disinterest. My autism assessor wrote down about how I often use words and phrases that don't make sense to others, even though they make perfect sense to me. In my daily life this means I'm frequently misunderstood, and have to try explain what I mean, when what I mean is exactly what I said, and the true issue is that what I mean just doesn't make sense to others. I gesture, at times, but again, my gestures apparently don't make sense in relation to what I'm saying. I take things literally, I have almost no filter, and I can't explain how I go from topic to topic.

And yes, I do have sensory problems. Sometimes people, including others with sensory problems, tell me that "sometimes sensory issues have to be tolerated", and I wonder what they think of as being sensory issues. I'm sure they do struggle, but if I say I can't handle a touch, I mean you will need to forcefully hold it against me for me to touch it more than a second and it will make me meltdown. If I say "I can't eat that", I mean that I am unable to swallow it, that I will gag and choke and inevitably spit it back out, as much as I try. If I say I can't handle a noise, I mean I'm so close to a meltdown and my meltdowns are a problem for everyone around me.

But yes. Autism. Not a disability. Just a fun quirky difference.

[theconcealedweapon]

Someone used to be an absolute demon to anyone who seemed weird. They made the lives of any neurodivergent person around them absolute hell. Many of their victims have lifelong trauma because of that. They later started listening to neurodivergent people and are now absolutely mortified by how they acted. They're well aware that the people they hurt probably never want to see them or hear from them again. They began questioning everything about how they were raised and what information they were exposed to. Maybe they bullied people because they copied what they saw their parents do. Maybe they were traumatized and lashed out in the only way they knew how. Maybe they're also neurodivergent and inflicted on others what was done to them. Either way, they want to make sure that never happens again. They now regularly try to figure out what they could have told their past self that would have prevented what they did. They now go out of their way to listen to neurodivergent people in order to understand exactly how to treat them with kindness. They now get all of their information about neurodivergent people from neurodivergent people. They try to be kind but are also aware that they're not perfect and that they're capable of being hurtful again, which they actively put effort into avoiding.

Someone else has never done anything heinous, but conforms to society's harmful attitudes about neurodivergent people. They regularly talk about "autism awareness" and they regularly talk about how mean it is to bully someone, but they're the first to criticize someone for missing a social cue or for accidentally using a rude tone. They also support authoritarian parenting which involves the belief that asking for a reason is considered arguing. They pride themselves on the belief that they're the nicest person you'll ever meet. They support harmful charities like Autism Speaks despite having witnessed autistic people say that they're a hate group. They prioritize the voices of neurotypical people who know a neurodivergent person over the voices of neurodivergent people. They surround themself with people who treat them like they're a saint.

As a neurodivergent person, I'd feel much safer around the first person than the second. The world is cruel. People are raised to be cruel and are often not exposed to anything that can effectively counteract how they're raised. People who have been hurt often hurt others before they learn how to cope in a healthy way. If someone was cruel in the past and now makes a conscious effort to grow out of it, I'm not going to expect them to suffer a life sentence for what they did. I'm not going to treat them like they're irredeemable. What matters is stopping society's patterns that create monsters, not making an example of one person who used to be a monster while continuing to uphold society's patterns.

[vanderdyks]

I geniunely cannot stand when allistics try to say Resident Alien is actually making fun of autistic people because they believe Harry is too childish now because I JUST-

In the beginning, Harry tried SO MUCH HARDER to fit in with the humans around him. He mimicked their speech patterns, consistently observed them, emersed himself in their activities so they wouldn't suspect he was different.

The Harry now? He doesn't care. He's loud in places he should be quiet. He talks how he wants. He laughs FREELY. He's learned large crowds of people? Not for him. He doesn't like being touched by strangers.

He's just Harry. Himself. Because he can be. Because he's realized even if some of the people of Patience find him strange, it doesn't matter. They'll never guess he's from outer space.

Have you noticed that every other alien we have seen is not like Harry? Not the greys, or the half human hybrids, not even Heather. When Heather is around humans who know she is an alien, we get to see the difference, but when she isn't? She fits in so well with any other neurotypical human.

Not Harry though. So yes, he is autistic because I said he is. Because I am autistic. And if you're allistic, you don't get to tell autistic people they shouldn't headcanon Harry as autistic (even though it is very obvious they're purposefully playing him as neurodivergent now.)

When you take an autistically coded character that a lot of autistic individuals relate to, and try to argue the character is actually a "child" and being "infantalised," you're actually being ableist.

You're saying that the traits we have resonated with are childish... Harry seems like he's "regressed" because instead of trying to adapt and pretend to be human, he is becoming something else entirely. Not human, but not fully alien either.

The body of doctor Harry Vanderspeigle was once just a disguise. Now it IS Harry's. It's his body, his own skin. And he's gotten comfortable in it and you know this because you deliberately witness times where he might be holding his hands like he would his claws (primarily when he's sleeping.) His brain doesn't realize he's not in his normal form, because in many ways, this is his new normal form.

He has emotions. He cares. He's in completely new territory and finding himself. And in doing so, that carefully crafted human mask? It's fallen a bit.

So that thing you label as "regression" is a thing I label as progress. He's learning still. Let him learn. Let him be. And give it time. And I hope to GOD Harry never becomes fully human to the point we can't recognize him. I hope he never loses his unique inflictions, or his love for pizza and pie. I hope he continues to love the quiet. I hope he ALWAYS laughs obnoxiously. I hope he always runs like he doesn't know what to do with his limbs. I hope you always see his emotions throughout his body because they simply cannot be contained. I hope he continues to jump when excited or pace when he's angry. I hope he stays obsessed with Law & Order forever.

Because if you take all that away, you're taking away the bits that make him Harry. You want a carbon copy human. I want the autistic alien struggling to understand human nature.

That being said, of course you can express your opinion him. And it can be discussed because everyone is going to have a different perspective.

But you don't get to dictate an autistic perspective if you are not autistic. Or try to cancel anyone for it either.

I love Harry. And I relate to him SO MUCH. And I love how much representation I can see him through him for me. Because I personally believe Alan and the writers have chosen to keep presenting this character as ND.

It's okay to dislike the direction of his character development. It's okay to find the flaws. It's okay to share that perspective. What's NOT okay is dictating the feelings of others because they might not agree with you.

I don't find him childish. I see him as an autistic individual trying to navigate a society that his brain hasn't been hardwired to understand.

And if you think he's too childish, please look closer at the why you think he is. Really be introspective on this one.

Because Harry is a parent. And has a child. And he has relationships. And he takes care of himself. Not only that, he is the town doctor and takes care of everyone else too. He is the smartest. He is the strongest. None of the characters have had to worry about the wellfare of Harry specifically. Its why no one realizes the greys have captured him. Because of course Harry would be fine, hes the alien expert. He knows what he's doing. So while everyone else spent so much time worrying about each other, no one was left to worry about Harry.

So ask yourself why you believe Harry has become "too childish" and if your answer comes down to any of his quirky traits or his misunderstandings of human nature, then you really need to consider if what you're actually uncomfortable with is autism/autistic traits.

[adventuringblind]

Stimming

Oscar Jack Piastri x Autistic Reader

Genre: hurt/comfort (I think)

Request: let’s add to the list! Comment your swims that aren’t on here and I’ll add them!

Summary: Oscar and his reactions to certain stims

Warnings: mean people, Stims that are harmful

Notes: Okay, the majority of these are my personal Stims. but! That doesn't mean these are the only valid ones. Remember, it's a spectrum 🤟🏻

Masterlist

The rocking

This one is a major way of self-soothing

If he sees you doing it then I think he’d most likely use it as an indication that there is either a particularly strong emotion or that your overwhelmed

Definitely would just sit next to you

In silence or talking it doesn’t matter

He just want to be there with you

Flappy hands (hand shakes as I call them)

Probably thought you hurt your wrist

Also used as an indicator

Either it’s a way of saying no and it’s obvious that you want whatever is going on to stop

Or it’s the opposite and your extremely happy and excited and don’t know how else to express it

The latter reason is his favorite

He likes to see you smile and do flappy hands when your excited

He makes it a point to get you hyped for things

Nails in the skin

Doesn’t like this one

He doesn’t like seeing you hurt yourself in any way

He knows it’s your way of grounding

But he’ll try and get you to focus on something else

He keeps bandaids with him in case it gets really bad

Also, despite his nail habits, he’ll make sure yours are short so you can’t do as much damage to you skin

Hair tugging

Again, a harmful stim

He doesn’t enjoy seeing you do this either

Definitely a sign of being overwhelmed

He’ll run his fingers through your hair if you’ll let him

If not then he’ll find something else for your hands to do that distracts and calms your brain

The ear noise thing (idk what it’s called)

Saw you doing it once in a crowded area

Was confused at first until you showed him

He does it also now

It’s kind of fun for him

Everyone teases when you two are plugging and unplugging your ears in random locations.

The foot hopper

Can’t stand still

It’s a struggle

Anytime you go somewhere and can’t stand still you find yourself hopping between feet

Sometimes you make a pattern out of it

Or a rhythm

Or your own little game

Oscar is there to catch you if your balance is off

He will also join in on the game sometimes if you let him

He makes sure to stay close if you ever have to stand for long periods of time

T-Rex arms

He laughed

He couldn’t help because it was funny and adorable

He couldn’t help it

If you ever feel stuck in that position then he’ll be there to help

Whether is be food or the tv remote he never fails to make you comfortable

Will remind you to stretch your arms if you stay in that position

Would hate to see you get a cramp

The head to flat surface

Thought you were annoyed at first

Then you avidly explained that the table feels nice on your head

It became almost routine that you would send your forehead at a flat surface you hadn’t tried yet

Walls, floors, anything that looks smooth or cold or soft

He’d remind you not to do it to hard

Head wounds bleed particularly hard

Feel like he can feel it himself when you describe in great detail how it feels against your forehead and face

[do-u-know-this-autisticcharacter]

Do You Know This (non-canon) Autistic Character?

Propaganda

This post which says:

He only eats fish (mackerel) ("You like mackerel too much" is a running gag)

He loves water because of the way it feels (sensory seeking)

He's the only one who sees a difference in his swimtrunks (he likes some better because the way they feel/they fit differently) (hyper sensitive sense)

His special interests are swimming and mackerel

When trying to convince others to swim, he mimics the way he thinks you should do it (with no regard to social cues) (masking)

Limited facial expressions (unless it's about swimming)

He doesn't care about swimming time, records and winning

He has a set routine

"I only swim free."

Is often seen providing support by sitting quietly beside people // or engaging in a conversation with his back turned to the group.

Tendency to give entities human feelings ("Maybe the water hates him" // "I thought I should ask water about matter that involves the water.")

Appears blunt but cares deeply (asks outright if people are okay /// "we're not going to discuss it (about something another character finds uncomfortable)" // gives things freely to children)

Straightforward

Takes his promises very seriously

"He's actually looking at the camera for once."

"Knowing Haru he probably doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now."

Trying to understand his feelings through thinking // struggling to name feelings

He never uses his phone // doesn’t bring it with him // "Haru usually doesn’t carry his phone around with him."

He remembers small things about his friends and then gifts really meaningful gifts

When he knows how he feels he shares his feelings openly and without shame (and with an abundance of eye contact used to drive home his sincerity)

He notices people when they're sad // really perceptive // notices differences in behaviour (pattern recognision)

"You're supposed to smile for pictures." // "Haru is always smiling on the inside."

My man does not care about social norms (is always ready for a dip, no matter where he has to strip).

"I don't care about winning," (i love this boy)

"You're too easily impressed, Haru-chan." (Once again, I love him)

As kids Haru sometimes wouldn’t talk, and instead Mokoto would "translate" how he felt (i almost cried 😭)

"You're so cold," (i hate this)

He litterally just went to Australia because Rin asked him to without knowing the language + without doing any planning just trusting Rin– and then felt panicked when he thought Rin left him (... I once went to Italy with a girl because she said she wanted to and I didn’t get that it was meant to be a joke... until we were already in Italy and she told me she it was a joke but she was glad I took it seriously. She planned everything and I just followed along because I trusted her. Rin also said he didn’t expect Haru to agree, so yeah. I don't know)

"It was my first fight (with him)" (relatable dude)

"Hey, c'mon. You could look a little happier... But I guess that reaction is typical Haru." (Seeing someone for the first time in a long time)

"That’s really impressive," Haru says. "Hey," someone else says. "You're supposed to laugh at that!" (Once again, relatable dude. I don't get the joke either)

"What did you talk about?" *Haru answers truthfully* *the other person makes noises of disbelief*

[homunculus-argument]

It's funny how you really don't notice what parts of how you grew up were Just How Things Are Done, and which parts are just how your family does something, until you try to operate something the way you're used to things working and you're genuinely surprised to discover that the same rules don't apply.

With my family, everything was done in a very specific, particular sort of way. Delicate subjects were brought up by herding the conversation to the right direction - the one who wants to bring the subject up says something vaguely distantly related to it, and the person they address will answer with something that leads the conversation towards the direction of the Delicate Matter, as their way to agree that the subject should be discussed. Pretending to ignore the prompting, and/or leading the subject somewhere completely different, was a way of saying that either you don't want to talk about it, or that as far as you're concerned, there is nothing there to discuss.

God in hindsight I realise how horrible it would've been to grow up in that house if I had actually been autistic (like mom wanted to convince herself I was), but in that household, The Curtains Were Never Just Fucking Blue. Bringing up a seemingly innocuous subject in the right tone and timing was always about some other subject. I recall my mother once unpromptedly remarking that the way my hair curls at the back of my head is very similar to the way my father's hair would curl, as her way of saying "by the way I noticed that you tried to pull the same trick that your father would always do, and I want you to know that I noticed that."

Needing to talk about something awkward with my boyfriend's mother, I didn't think I was doing anything weird by trying to Have A Talk the way I learned growing up. Volunteering to go pick berries with her, trying to arrange us to be in talking distance with nobody else in earshot - something I was taught is how you tell someone "I want to talk with you alone" - and trying to bring the subject up by prompting. When she didn't pick up and herd the conversation towards the subject I thought we both knew should be discussed, I took that to mean that she considers the matter already settled, and that we have nothing left to discuss about it.

Meanwhile, she hadn't picked up on any of this. My boyfriend's family doesn't do that. In their family, the curtains are just blue, and you can't delicately bring up the way you were raised by talking about how the blueberries are growing. As she hadn't clearly stated that she understood, I had interpreted that as "I am aware." In a passive-aggressive tone. Afterwards, she had remarked to my boyfriend that I had said things oddly, like I had wanted to talk but didn't.

So we had to do it their way, like normal people do, with me directly bringing up the matter that should be discussed, without herding or circling. Something that in my family always meant "I don't give a shit about how you feel about this, we are going to talk about this, and if you don't want to talk about it, then we're going to fight about it." And apparently starting a direct conversation isn't necessarily a direct attack, people can just talk about things.

Still fascinated with the whole concept that people can just do that. That in some households, the curtains really just are blue.

[mccromy]

The beauty of QuanYin is that they have all the things that make HuaLian so good, but instead of bringing them together, it teared them appart.

I am talking about faith.

The things is, half of the ship is an autistic guy who's extremely good at one thing (kicking ass) and often gets infantilized by other characters or treated as if he's stupid, just for ignoring social niceties and refusing to entertain the idea that the only person who's shown him kindness is actually an evil lying snake who always secretly hated him.

And the other half of the ship is a guy who's main goal was always to just be a good person AND kick ass, but who's also always been an overachiever, so he wants to be Perfect at being kind and aims to ascend as a Martial God. His standards for himself are so high, he believes that thinking unkind thoughts means he failed (got a bad grade at being good), and doesn't understand why the man who only cares and understand actions, facts, and spoken words would believe him to be a Perfectly Kind person.

Because Yin Yu not only was outwardly kind to Quan Yizhen, but he also always tried to get others to be good to him as well. What's more, he didn't start resenting or thinking badly of Quan Yizhen until their ascension, and even then he never took it out on Quan Yizhen. Until he snapped at the worst possible moment.

Quan Yizhen knows Yin Yu is the sort of person that would always choose to do the right thing, no matter how difficult. So, if Yin Yu ever chose to hurt him, then either it must've been a misunderstanding, or he must have had a good reason. Because for Quan Yizhen, if there was anybody in the world he could trust, it was Yin Yu.

And Yin Yu, who's set unachievable standars for himself, feels that resenting someone who's blameless makes him awful and unworthy, and not merely human and flawed. And having Quan Yizhen see him as the man Yin Yu wants to be, but actually isn't, hurts him deeply, because he's not good or kind, he's petty and jealous. I feel he must have been terrified of disappointing Quan Yizhen, which he probably saw as an unavoidable outcome now that his shidi had the opportunity to truly shine in heavens

And it's not only Quan Yizhen believing Yin Yu to be perfect (which he doesn't, but I'll get to that later) but it's also Yin Yu believing Quan Yizhen is perfect. He's everything he wants to be, a true Martial God. And whatever flaw makes Quan Yizhen so unpalatable to others, Yin Yu sees them as unavoidable of being Quan Yizhen. Not good or bad, but expected, justifiable. (Can you really get angry at the sun if it burns you, how can you blame a bee for stinging you? Did you really expect you wouldn't get wet walking unprotected in the pouring rain.)

If Quan Yizhen is arrogant and tactless it's because he's naturally strong and honest. Quan Yizhen's bluntness means he's not two faced (like Yin Yu), it doesn't matter that Quan Yizhen can't read the room, because Quan Yizhen is above caring how he comes across to others (like Yin Yu does), if you think Quan Yizhen is annoying then that's not his fault, it's yours for not being as good as he is (Yin Yu sometimes finds him annoying).

QuanYin parallels HuaLian not only in the devotion, tirelessly searching, ghost/god relationship, but in the "unconditional belief in the other" more so even, because they had more time spent together getting to know each other. This faith wasn't built on sacrifices, on saving lives, on deeds of decisive righteousness.

This faith was built on years of growing up together.

Quan Yizhen believes in Yin Yu, because he knows Yin Yu will always choose to do the right thing. Yin Yu believes in Quan Yizhen, because he knows Quan Yizhen is as honest as he is loyal. They see the best in the other and know that it's fact (and it is!) but at the same time, that certainty hurt them both in a way it never did hualian. With Hua Cheng and Xie Lian, that unconditional faith meant salvation. To Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu, it led to them falling apart.

Quan Yizhen knows Yin Yu is good, because Yin Yu always chooses to do good things. Yin Yu thinks himself to be a liar and knows Quan Yizhen thinks Yin Yu is good, because Quan Yizhen would never lie. Because Yin Yu will always want to be good, he won't admit to Quan Yizhen his steadfast belief in him hurts him, because it would mean admitting just how small and petty he is, and it could lead to Quan Yizhen seeing Yin Yu's true self, and as Quan Yizhen is frank to a painful degree, he would immediately let him know how disappointed he is. And as Quan Yizhen is so honest, he literally calls it as he sees it. If Quan Yizhen sees Yin Yu as not enough, it means Yin Yu is not enough. Quan Yizhen is not to blame for Yin Yu's flaws, and so the right thing to do (for Quan Yizhen) is to keep being patient and kind, and not take out his own frustrations on a person who would never willingly hurt him. To keep Quan Yizhen seeing Yin Yu as perfect.

Their faith in the other keeps them apart. And this is because unlike with Hua Cheng and Xie Lian, they didn't start as god and believer, but as martial brothers of the same sect, who eventually reached divinity, and held for the other a certainty of righteousness only the most devoted would hold for a god.

And the sad thing is that they were both right. But the things that make someone good for one of them, would not cut it for the other.

Yin Yu thinks, if my actions are good but hide resentment and hate, then they aren't good at all. They're fake, and so, worthless.

Quan Yizhen thinks, if my actions hurt others even when there was only love and good intentions behind them, then what good are they? They're worthless.

Yin Yu ends up hating Quan Yizhen, but not as Jian Yu or the other gods or disciples hated him, just for being as he was. Yin Yu hates Quan Yizhen because Quan Yizhen turned him into the sort of person he never wanted to be. He resents him because Quan Yizhen shone so bright Yin Yu realized he was a candle flame under daylight. Because Quan Yizhen was good in a way Yin Yu would never be, plagued with envy and not a lick of talent.

Yin Yu doesn't actually blame Quan Yizhen for his downfall, he blames Quan Yizhen for leading Yin Yu to cause it. Yin Yu hates Quan Yizhen because he makes Yin Yu hate himself. And, in the end, Yin Yu will always hate himself more than he could ever hate Quan Yizhen. Yin Yu hates himself, because he hates someone he loves. He hated himself because he couldn't understand how someone could ever want to hurt Quan Yizhen, and then Yin Yu hurt him in the worst way possible. The moment Yin Yu lost control, his ugly inner self spilled out. Yin Yu hurt someone good, someone who never deserved to be hurt, and besides that dares resent him for showing Yin Yu how rotten he was inside. Which makes Yin Yu hate himself further, because now he's become the sort of person he always hated the most. And even at the end, as he died for Quan Yizhen, he could not let go of his resentment. He just couldn't let it go.

There's no end to it. It's self fueling and self fulfilling.

On his part, Quan Yizhen would never blame Yin Yu. He would never hate him.

Let's look at this through a more personal lent. I know many people, especially neurodivergent people, struggle with the constant anxiety of your friends and family secretly hating you (I know I do). Finding out that someone you thought was your friend actually couldn't stand you, would make you feel cheated, betrayed. And most likely, it would lead you to believe this was your fault. If your friend hated you, it's because you're unlovable (by the way, that's not how it works, but it is how it makes people feel).

Now, people never cared about Quan Yizhen's feelings. They would talk badly about him with no regard if he was listening, would be hostile if not patronizing. Would openly resent him for things he couldn't understand, blame him for things out of his control (for example, blatant favoritism from his teachers).

But.

There was always someone who cared about Quan Yizhen's feelings. Who never spoke badly of him. Who always admonished the people who patronized him or blamed him, even if Quan Yizhen was not around to hear him defend him. Who actually got into trouble by taking responsibility for Quan Yizhen's actions, repeatedly. Who always took Quan Yizhen's side, who saw talent in him when others only saw a dirty street rat. Someone who patiently reassured him that if others thought Quan Yizhen was annoying, it was their fault for getting annoyed, and not Yizhen's.

Someone who, when given the chance to leave him behind in a way nobody would blink twice at, brought him along and kept him by his side. Someone who chose him time and time again.

Quan Yizhen did have an inkling that he sometimes annoyed Yin Yu, and was fully aware that he got him into trouble (Jian Yu was never shy when it came to shouting just how much Quan Yizhen was dragging Yin Yu down). And despite all of that, Yin Yu stood by him and cared for him.

There was a time he knew Yin Yu loved him, and if Yin Yu didn't love him at least he would never hurt him, he would never let others hurt him.

And then, suddenly, Yin Yu tried to kill him. In strange, extreme circumstances: right after Quan Yizhen had brutally and unwillingly murdered a number of people, as he was wearing a cursed garment that forced him to do anything Yin Yu told him to, he shouted at Quan Yizhen to kill himself.

It was a series of events that made no sense in the eyes of someone who knew Yin Yu as well as Quan Yizhen did.

So it was either a huge misunderstanding, or Quan Yizhen finally fucked up so bad he became unlovable in the eyes of the only person who mattered.

And now everybody in heaven and earth spoke horribly of the only person who ever cared for Quan Yizhen. The people who claimed to follow and worship Quan Yizhen put on plays meant to humiliate Yin Yu. Others expected him to agree that Yin Yu was a liar, a jealous two-faced snake.

To Quan Yizhen, if they were right ( they weren't) and Yin Yu was a liar who always secretly hated him, then that meant nobody had ever loved Quan Yizhen. And if they were wrong (they were) then it meant Quan Yizhen hurt Yin Yu so badly, did something so awful, the only choice Yin Yu had, the only right choice at the moment, was to make Quan Yizhen kill himself.

Or, it was all a big misunderstanding (hopefully).

Quan Yizhen doesn't think Yin Yu is perfect, he doesn't want him to be either. All he wants is to be good for Yin Yu, to Yin Yu. He loves Yin Yu just as he is.

Yin Yu already believes Quan Yizhen is good, and to, and for Yin Yu. Is Yin Yu who is bad. Yin Yu who's unlovable.

Hua Cheng had faith in Xie Lian's inherent goodness. When Xie Lian stopped believing in himself, Hua Cheng's faith and unconditional love saved him.

But Hua Cheng never saw himself as an equal, just as a stepping stone, the incense in Xie Lian's altar. He loved and worshipped him, and he was content to see him safe and happy. And when Xie Lian saw him as someone deserving of love, even if Hua Cheng didn't believe it himself, he believed in Xie Lian

Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu wanted to be equals, they wanted to stand side by side. And to achieve said equality, they set standards to strive for, based on the way they saw the other. But they would never reach their goals together, because they set them in opposite directions.

Had they started as god and devotee, then it would've played similarly as HuaLian did: I am worthy because you believe I'm worthy. I am lovable because you love me. I'm good because you think I'm good. I can do anything because you trust me.

For QuanYin, though, it went: I am unworthy because I'm not like you. I am unlovable because I can't love myself through your eyes. I'm not good because I'm not good the way you are. Please don't trust me, I'll disappoint you. I'll let you down, I'll let you down, I'll let you down.

Yin Yu could not stand the idea of Quan Yizhen secretly hating him, so he hid to never be faced with it. Quan Yizhen would gladly take Yin Yu hating his guts, as long as he hated him within arm's reach.

Miscommunication caused by knowing each other so well, they were convinced they could not miscommunicate.

Self loathing born out of loving the things that made the other hate themselves.

But since their inner turmoil and personal struggles manifest in two clowns running in circles, people tend to, understandably, overlook them in favor of the considerably more dramatic BeefLeaf, or the outwardly antagonistic FengQing —both ships counting with further on-text development, higher stakes, and heavier emotional baggage than our humble, relatable QuanYin.

[alexandraisyes]

hi, same anon that asked if your symptoms go away or not. no clue why I worded it like that, but I meant if you experience it worse in intervals (obviously the symptoms are always there but get more noticeable at certain times). since you've answered my (horribly worded) question already, though, I raise another question: are there any resources that aren't horrifically ableist, where I can look further into ASPD, its symptoms and how they interact with things such as autism and other cluster B disorders? I ask so I don't keep asking you circular questions like you're equipped to diagnose a stranger with a personality disorder.

Resources are far and few to come by. A lot of what I know has been through extensive interpersonal study (talking to other people with the disorder). The fact of the matter is that most people with the disorder don’t freely talk about the disorder. You can look in online forum spaces if you want, or just get lucky and meet someone with the disorder in real life or happen to get super lucky and they’re already in your friend group. I have a sociopath and a malignant narcissist in my current friend group.

Understanding neurology would also help you in understanding any disorder, because there’s plenty of research on the neurological side of ASPD. Just not a lot of the psychological side. But if you understand neurology you understand psychology (most psychologists don’t fully understand neurology, they’re two different types of medicine with far different fields).

If you’re looking for how it interacts with other cluster b disorders, you can probably find at the very least one, maybe up to ten different “influencers” who are malignant narcissists (ASPD + NPD) who talk about the disorder on varying platforms. As stereotyped as it is, narcissists do actually love to talk about themselves.

As far as how it interacts with other neurodivergencies? Just ask someone with ASPD if they have comorbid neurodivergent disorders and what it’s like. However you aren’t going to find anything on having comorbid ASPD and autism. The two physically cannot coexist on a neurological level. (Trust me, I tried, I had a misdiagnosis of autism and was trying to wrap my head around it too).

So if someone with ASPD tells you they’re also autistic they’re wrong. They either don’t have ASPD or they don’t have autism. It’s always one or the other.

This is because ASPD and ASD are both largely caused by the amygdala. In ASD the amygdala is enlarged, growing abnormally quick between 6 and 12 months old. So you aren’t actually born autistic, but you may as well be. The faster the amygdala grows during that time the more severe the symptoms are presenting and the younger the symptoms will be noticeable.

ASPD on the other handle is caused by a reduced amygdala. Deformed sounds harsh but yeah it’s basically deformed. It’s smaller than normal, with an extremely regressed growth rate.

I could potentially go into the specifics but that’s a whole other post.

And I can’t diagnose anyone, online or off, so I will never try to. However, I am a reliable resource for understanding ASPD since it quite literally plagues me. So I can at the very least answer questions about something I’m unreasonably specialized in. Especially when the majority people in the psychiatric field of medicine aren’t specialized in it at all and there’s not enough genuine research for them to fake it either. And unfortunately most people aren’t willing to have compassion for things they don’t understand.

[paperdice]

Mordecai (lackadaisy) x male black cat reader who’s autistic(the awkward but good at math/science kind)?

𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐢 𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐚��𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬)

"Will you keep it a secret? don't let them have it."

small note, reader being male isn't as heavily influencing in the hcs, it leans more into dating hcs

৻ꪆ There's a lot things Mordecai is, he just never showed an interest in becoming a future lover to someone, or for anyone rather. The thought has crossed his mind, only due to others trying to invade his personal business.

৻ꪆ Doesn't mean its not possible, you snuck and snuggled your way into his heart, a fellow male black cat with quite the train of thought. But with impressive math and science skills, your awkward self landed a total babe real tough catch.

৻ꪆ Mordecai compliments you on your math skills, specifically Geometry (he loves geometry), he's more impressed on that aspect of you than the science side.

৻ꪆ His compliments sound a bit dry naturally till it comes to the Geometry talk, but since he's not a science guy himself he does get impressed over your science skills too.

৻ꪆ The slight difference in compliments towards you and others is that you receive a bit more than others. However these compliments sound normal, he doesn't get in the lovely dovey, puppy eyes in amazement kinda way.

৻ꪆ For you to be in Mordecai's likes already, you need to be extremely clean, he has a phobia he'll never admit, being germophobic. So when you guys start dating, physical contact is especially rare. He hates the risk of germs

৻ꪆ You need to be very patient and accept this factor of him before you began dating, so you know the rocky road ahead without overthinking he doesn't care for you.

৻ꪆ Your appearance deeply matters too, hes seen as a very presentable cat himself you know, so he would also look out for your appearance as well. Sadly, he wouldn't be too sweet about it, but he's not rude about it either.

৻ꪆ "You should fix your hair. It's asymmetrical and improper looking." Something like that would come out of his mouth, would he go out of his way and fix it for you himself? A one in a million chance he would, so far luck hasn't come your way.

৻ꪆ As expected, his line of work forces him to keep your relationship a secret. It's better not to let anyone have even a hint of his relationship with you. It'll only put you in danger of enemy gangs.

৻ꪆ This could also put him in danger as well, he does NOT let anyone see he has a vulnerable side and that your his lover. Having gained such a looked upon reputation only means he needs to keep it up to its given name.

৻ꪆ Though don't let this bring you down, he does show his care for you, one method is through letters. He tries to be romantic when writing to you but he executes it in a very creepy way. I mean have you seen Tracy's valentine art piece of mordy?? yeah bro..

৻ꪆ If your ever sick it'll be one of the only times he'll physically touch you (knowing full heartily you got germs) to tend your sickness. He'll first make you food that he used to make for his sisters when they were sick.

৻ꪆ Brew some tea as well as not minding to drag you to bed and tuck you in himself. Blankets piled up on your warm body, times like these is what reminds you he truly does care.

৻ꪆ One of his own ways of looking out for you is memorizing your routine. He keeps a sharp eye on every one of your tracking moves, this is so he knows of your safety.

৻ꪆ Every step you make has been written down to Mordecai's mind, in case you need him, to know what you're doing in that specific moment, the spots you go frequently is sewn to his mind.

৻ꪆ This keeps him at some ease, that your safe while he's free. Though you're not supposed to know this, it's something he keeps to himself. This also helps when you lose something too.

৻ꪆ Ever wonder how he always knows the spots you constantly lose your things in? He memorized those too to save both of your times.

৻ꪆ Have you seen the piece Tracy drew for a comm? It seems that Mordy likes it when his partners read with him. He'd like it when you're sitting next to him, resting your chin on his shoulder while he reads away. If only you could see the faintest of smiles laying on his face.

I kept pushing this one aside cuz I wanted to nail mordys character accurately. While I was writing I noticed the lack of reference to the reader being male so I wanted to add the note in the beginning. Thank you for the request, come and roll again if you're thinking of doing another!

[heyclickadee]

More Massive Fandom Salt under the cut

If I see one more condescending post about how people who don’t like Tech getting killed off just don’t get it, I’m going to mcfreaking lose it.

Like, okay. I think Tech is alive. I think I’ve been clear about that. If I haven’t, then I don’t know what else to do. I actually even get why taking him off the board for season three could be a good move (give Crosshair time to decompress and Omega time to come into her own and be the hero of her own show, while also maybe setting Tech up for another plot line to come later), and think it’s possible that bringing Tech back later could actually work much better than what I originally wanted to happen. In fact, if it really is a fake-out I think it’s kind of immaculate. And I still get angry reading those posts.

Because, first, a lot of people upset by the handling of Tech from “Plan 99” onwards are upset because Tech meant something to them. It goes a lot deeper than just losing your favorite character. Tech was a fantastic piece of autistic representation and losing that hurt. Losing that and then never getting the catharsis that comes with on-screen emotional processing from the characters, no closure, no real in-show impact besides inconveniencing the others hurt even more. It left a lot of autistic people in the fandom feeling like we were told that we weren’t welcome in Star Wars at all.

And most of us still love the show! The Bad Batch is still my favorite show and I adore basically the entire thing up through season three, right up to the point where everything just kind of stops without resolving anything but Hunter and Omega, and not getting Tech back before the end hit me so badly that I almost dropped Star Wars completely. People are upset for a reason.

Second, I get that it can be annoying seeing criticism of your favorite show. I do. I actually disagree with a lot of criticism of TBB and do tend to get a little annoyed at certain takes. The other thing about the “Tech’s dead and that’s good”/“You thought Tech could come back because you were delusional” posts that makes me want to fight everyone, though, is that they tend to be incredibly dismissive. They’ll bring up arguments people made during the airing of the show for why Tech could come back, or arguments they made afterwards for why they thought he should have, and then either misunderstand or talk right past them.

It gives anyone who made those arguments, or who was upset by the ending, a general sense that we’re not being listened to. That people have already decided we’re irrational and that nothing we say or experience matters, that we saw patterns that weren’t there, or that we care too much about this specific thing, or that we’re being immature. Maybe. Just. I don’t know—consider for a second that a lot of the people who are most upset about Tech belong to the noticing patterns/caring a lot about specific things/dismissed for noticing things that are really there in real life/frequently infantilized neurotype. Again, there’s a reason some of us are upset and having a hard time with fandom right now.

I actually don’t have a problem with people thinking or making posts saying someone needed to die or that Tech “dying” was well handled as a death. I will always disagree, and I think we’re too close to the “bury your disabled” trope with most of the batchers for me to be okay with any of them dying like that, but one person will interpret fiction differently than another and I can’t and shouldn’t police that. I do, however, have a massive problem with the condescending way a lot of those posts go about it. Think Tech ought to be dead? Fine. Call anyone who thinks otherwise a child? Instablock, I don’t need that in my life.

[rileyh20]

Bonjour.

Pls, if you so kindly will, share some of your HCs?

Hello! Since ya didn't specify I will add all the HCs I have at the moment.

(I have not worked on them in a bit cuz of stuff, and I don't have that many yet)

Ponyboy Curtis:

A pyromantic, he loves fire (Until the church shit)

Has a fucking terrifying glare, but only actually glares at people when they wake him up (His poor brothers)

Should not be left alone around a stack of books (He’ll read them all in like two hours)

A really fast reader, but he reads the book over and over again to the point he basically memorizes it

Major third wheel, doesn’t matter if the ship is Jally, or Stevepop, or something else, he’s just a third wheel at heart

Definitely reads the book before he watches the movie 

Sometimes when he wants to write he just can’t, so he does other things instead, but once he’s in the zone, he’ll write for hours without hearing anything around him (He’s just like me fr)

Sarcastic and sassy af sometimes (Because I want him to be, no other reason)

He likes grandma hobbies (You know what I’m talking about, the knitting, sewing kinds of stuff, crafting thingies)

He would be the kind of person who helps you get your locker unstuck when you are either too scared to ask a strong person, or you don’t want your locker beaten into scraps when you could just ask Ponyboy

Cooks sometimes, he ain’t the best, but he isn’t terrible at it (He especially does it if Darry looks like he had a long day)

Sometimes he’s the only person able to stop Sodapop from putting food dye into the food (Especially if Darry is the one cooking)

Sorry y’all, but autistic Ponyboy is what I got for you guys 

Sodapop Curtis:

Gets lots of tips from women (Shares it with Steve sometimes)

Tries to understand why Ponyboy likes books so much, but honestly does not get him crying over them (He’s trying his best guys)

He was a MAJOR biter as a kid, like for no reason, just CHOMP

Has ADHD and absolutely NO ONE can tell me otherwise (Don’t even try)

Genuinely loved Sandy, and was so heartbroken when she broke up with him (Kinda canon?)

Darrel "Darry" Jr. Curtis:

Cries when needs to sign parent approval forms for Ponyboy, but if someone’s close by he tries to hold it in

Has a favorite book, it’s one his father got him before he died

He doesn’t like to read, but sometimes Ponyboy will read the book to him

Has shit eyesight, but refuses to get glasses

Darry doesn’t take care of himself when he gets sick

Darry is a fucking CLINGY person when he’s emotional (Specifically sad or stressed), like you ARE NOT able to get away from that man when he’s like that (Especially Ponyboy)

Doesn’t smoke at all so it doesn’t ruin his body

Stole a shirt from his dad’s closet before he died, it’s still in his clothes but he never wears it or puts it back 

Sometimes Darry sobs into his dad’s shirt after a hard day (The shirt from above)

Impulsive biter, just like if someone sticks their hand or arm in front of his face, he wont think and just chomps on them (Ponyboy and Sodapop try to warn the others, but they don’t listen)

Nothing for Steve Randle yet

Nothing for Keith "Two-Bit" Mathews yet

Dallas "Dally" Winston:

Scared of spiders

He’s also scared of dogs

Johnny Cade:

Definitely says a few dirty jokes 

I feel like he would be the type of person to have a summer job for some reason? (Ponyboy and Dally visit him at work sometimes and it’s chaos)

[differenteagletragedy]

Our Life headcannons

-- Cove has at least one child who is autistic and nonverbal. He becomes a master at communicating with this baby, and whenever they are able to use their words he absolutely loses his mind. The first time he hears an "I love you"? Crying, screaming, flat on the ground, bawling his eyes out. Let someone in public try to make any kind of remark if the kid has a meltdown. They will not survive.

-- Derek asked you to prom "as friends." He asked you what you were wearing so his tux could match you, and he got you a corsage too, "as friends." Did it seem kind of like a date? Of course it did, he'd had a crush on you for years. But he was very insistent on the "as friends" part and even if you had a crush on him too, it kind of made you think he couldn't ever see you that way at all.

-- Going to watch a movie with Baxter? Lol, no you're not. Boy runs his mouth trying to be cute and you can never follow the plot because he's sitting beside you with that little smirk, trying to make you laugh and look all adorable. If you really want to see something, leave him home or at least learn how to tune him out -- even if you do he'll keep going.

-- Cove doesn't like to drink but when he does he will not. Shut. Up. He's not like Movie Baxter, he just keeps saying whatever comes to mind, no filter. No real memory on how to properly structure sentences either. He just really needs you to know literally every single thought that pops into his head so please just listen to him, hey, are you listening?

-- Do you want a dog? You better if you end up with Derek, because y'all are getting a dog. It doesn't matter what kind it is, he'll be taking that dog on runs with him, he'll be doing research to get it the best kind of food and to figure out what kind of environment it thrives in. Did he just get another subscription box for the dog even though he already gets one? Yup. That's his dog.

-- Do you like makeup? Cool, Baxter likes you to put makeup on him too, thanks. Not to go out, that's not really his thing, but it's a nice relaxing activity to do at home. He gets you all close to him (once you get back together he's not gonna let you go lol), and he gets to feel pretty. Don't skimp on the mascara, he likes his lashes, and be sure to play up his best features. Maybe try a dark lipstick this time, he'd like to see how that looks. And when you're done having fun, you better get to thoroughly removing everything and then following up with his skincare routine.

-- Sorry, let's double up on Baxter while we're here -- do you have a skin routine too? Because that's a shared interest and he's gonna want to talk about it. What's your favorite cleanser? Do you want to do face masks together? There's this new moisturizer he's interested in that's stupid expensive but he still wants to try it, want to split it? You share a Sephora rewards account so you can get more points. Oops, you accidentally put on too much of your lip mask and your lips are all goofy -- just give him a kiss, he hasn't put his on yet. It's weird how much I could go on about this.

-- You can also put makeup on Cove, but maybe stick to powders so he can rinse it all off easy after. And you can do whatever to Derek, he doesn't care, he's just happy to be there.

-- Everybody makes a big deal about Baxter's dancing, but this is actually another case of Derek Erasure, because he can do stuff too. His dad taught him and his brothers how to properly dance with a partner, and he was too shy to do it if you took him to the Summer Soiree, but if you end up with him? He can hold his own for sure.

-- If Cove doesn't end up with you, he ends up with Xavier. That's it. That's how it goes.

-- Not one of the main boys, but if you and Cove have babies then Cliff absolutely thrives on his GILF status. He tells everyone that he's a grandfather, literally every single person, and he's def proud of Cove and loves his grandbaby to bits, but also, like, look at him. Crazy hot grandpa, right?

[velvetvexations]

re anon who talked about claims that white people can't be nonbinary, I have seen it. this was The Discourse in a corner of the internet i was in in like 2021. this person kept literally saying white people can't be nonbinary and quite a lot of people were agreeing with her.

isn't it sad this is the world we live in

It's funny (sarcasm) how many TransRadFems go on and on about how awful they were treated when they were still perceived as "feminine/gay cis men" and how being misgendered as a man as a trans femme is terrible (which is true, of course), but then turn around and say that (trans/cis) men/people who are perceived as men/etc don't ever experience anything bad at all ever. Like.... If that was true, you wouldn't have experienced any abuse while in the closet and would be happy to be misgendered, because it would give you more "privilege" to be seen as such. And yet, somehow, you realize that both of those things aren't actually true and that (real or perceived) manhood does actually come with a lot of oppression. But only when it comes to trans femmes, for some reason, and never trans mascs. It's almost as if you do know that trans mascs experience gendered oppression for being both trans and men, but deny it simply because you're a bigot and want to get away with being a transphobe. Hmmmmmm. 🤔

sometimes they'll admit to trans men being perceived as women but with the caveat "being treated as women is our best case scenario!" as though trans men aren't, just as trans women are, seen as deviants that need killing or correction rather than "just" your average every day cis woman

"Ohhh trans men think of themselves as women/AFAB which is badddd" actually I think of myself as a male cursed by a powerful wizard :)

wizards and magical hot springs are the number one leading cause of trans people

Male cursed by wizard here again tho. I do actually kind of feel a disconnect from the wider transmasc community, as I never feel like I was a woman or experienced what it was like to be one? But that's because I am extremely autistic and weird and have thought gendered expectations were ridiculous for as long as I can remember, and as such have been largely dehumanized by my peers in a way that most girls and "girls" haven't, if that makes any sense? But that doesn't mean other transmascs are wrong for feeling connected to womanhood on some level, it's just not something I can relate to at all. (I don't relate to manhood either for that matter, but that seems to be a more common experience)

gender is a wildly complicated thing and takes a lot to really examine, it's usually different for everyone in small ways

"trans men don't experience misogyny if they pass, but trans women always experience transmisogyny regardless of whether we pass or not" is a WILD fucking take. imagine 'we can always tell'ing your feminist theory as a trans woman. could fucking not be me.

soulgender sixth sense is especially sensitive to trans women whose gender is super special and radiates an aura of purity

Crazy take, feel free to tell me im wrong but i dont think anyone is inherently binary or nonbinary unless specified. I think that every single person on this earth has a slightly different gender (humans are akin to snowflakes and i do not mean this is a derogatory sense). You could put a group of perisex cis women into a room together and all of them would have varying degrees and opinions on what their cis-woman-ness means to them and the same goes for every other label and identity group. And just because someone defies whatever cultural and social norms of identity that have been put on them doesnt automatically make them nonbinary.

it's all just words

What do you think of the "drag is misogynistic" discourse? To me the argument I see is "they're cosplaying being a trans women and thats bad" Which.. sounds exactly like a terf argument but with the word trans slapped in it.

it's a TERF argument and I'm not even into drag

Every time I remember the blahaj discourse I want to simultaneously laugh & light a votive for the trans community's mental health. I am being told by folks who are younger than my personal obsession with sharks (22+ years running let's go!!!) that I cannot possibly fathom the appeal of a stuffie in the shape of a shark, and if I get one anyway, it's appropriation. And yeah, that discourse died pretty soon out of the cradle, but holy shit! It existed! I really hope, for the sake of all involved, that they feel sheepish in the future; better the embarrassment than doubling down on such a — frankly! — ridiculous mindset.

your AFAB man brain simply can't comprehend the true transfymynyn nature of sharks

Idk if this makes me racist but like. It is actually pretty uncomfortable seeing people use non European cultures having 3rd (or 4th or 5th or 6th etc) genders as proof transphobia is a western thing or whatever. Like. Idk I'm biased but as a (relatively) binary trans individual, I don't want to be relegated to a 3rd gender..? Id like to live as any other man, not some 3rd or 4th category of woman-that-acts-like-a-man. I'm happy for the people that see themselves in 3rd genders, but for me it just feels like a painful reminder of how otherized trans people have been historically.... (also I think it's kinda gross to prop up non European cultures as inherently so much better and great and a homogenized soup of betterness instead of. Yknow. Nuanced cultures with their own unique problems and bigotries and positive qualities. Like indigenous cultures don't have to be perfect for colonialism to be bad actually. But that's a separate thing)

yeah it's such an over simplification

just saw someone compare trans women to the omelas child I hate it here.

hard to overstate how much of a pathetic worm one would have to be to say that about themselves with zero irony

help a post appeared on my dash saying "trans men benefit from male privilege" and one person who reblogged it had "transphobes DNI/transandrophobia truthers DNI" on their header

yeah that's the people you wanna put out there first as a DNI trans men who think they're oppressed

Sorry if your inbox is a bad place to vent about this, but I'm so sick and tired of the way Go To Therapy is slung around these days, both as a stealth insult to imply someone is 'crazy' and needs to be 'fixed', but also as the genuine go to (often only) advice that treats it as some sort of fix-all solution. I was deeply traumatized by therapy as someone who's been in and out of it since pre-k and only finally decided to stop going for good in their 30's and being bombarded with the advice to Go To Therapy in every online space I'm part of is exhausting and triggering to the point that I have the word Therapy blacklisted on tumblr. And I can't like, talk about it without being told I just had the wrong therapist and need to keep trying until the right person magically comes along to fix me, as if I haven't spent my whole life trying to force myself into the mold of recovery. Someone not being able or willing to keep trying to heal in the Approved way is often treated as a red flag and a moral failing, and even my own closest friends have this idea in their heads that therapy is absolutely good for everyone and the only valid reason to not be in therapy is not being able to afford it. I'm just tired and I don't want to heal anymore because I don't think I'll ever be healed enough to satisfy anyone, I don't want to get up over and over and over, I want to stay down and rest.

love you anon <3

[nighttimeebony]

Reasons why I think L has autism (updated now that I've been diagnosed with autism):

He does not emote very often. L's facial expressions and tone of voice are very flat and almost never change with the situation no matter what happens.

He does not know what is considered appropriate for social interaction.

The fact that he doesn't wear shoes implies that he has sensory issues with physical stimuli. In the same way that autistic people are bothered by tags on clothes or certain textures of fabric, some autistic people don't like wearing shoes because they like to be able to feel the ground or because they don't like how tight or restrictive shoes feel. (I also hate wearing shoes for this exact reason, and I will go barefoot whenever physically possible. If given the opportunity, I would literally never wear shoes)

Autistic people can also struggle with physical care and maintaining proper hygiene, which we can see in L by the fact that he wears the same shirt and pants every day, and by how messy and unkempt his hair is

It's fair to say that detective work and psychology is L's special interest. He's driven more by how the work stimulates him mentally rather than because of a particularly strong moral compass.

It's safe to conclude that L also has low empathy. It's not that he doesn't care about people, because he does, but he doesn't seem to understand it when people get upset with him for making certain decisions for the sake of solving the case. He is very much a "logic first" kind of person, and for the most part, he makes decisions based on what makes the most practical, rational sense to him, even if it seems morally dubious.

Literally the only thing we ever see him eat is candy and sweets. Autistic people are often picky eaters and have difficulty eating certain kinds of food because of either the texture or sensory processing issues, so a lot of autistic people tend to eat primarily sweets and junk food because of this. (My bf and one of my close friends, both autistic, are also like this. My bf doesn't like most vegetables bc of the texture, and the only thing I've ever seen my friend eat is Uncrustable PB&Js and chocolate; chocolate is like a whole thing for her.)

He has a tendency to touch his mouth, but he also rubs his feet together while he's sitting. These are both examples of stimming. (I also have a habit of touching my mouth and picking at my lips)

The bags under his eyes indicate that he has difficulty sleeping

He interprets certain instances of conversation literally, like the infamous "Yes, that would be dark" line

Incredibly blunt and doesn't waste time with small talk, even coming across as rude a lot of the time

L's level of eye contact is abnormal. A lot of autistic people don't make eye contact because it makes them uncomfortable, but some autistic people will go in the opposite direction and overcompensate by staring, which is exactly what L does: staring directly at people without blinking for inappropriate amounts of time (Wednesday Addams does this too)

The way he sits

The way he holds objects with the very tips of his fingers

In the deleted theater scene when Light and L meet for the first time, L wipes his hands off after shaking Light's hand

He frequently invades other people's personal space (again, see the deleted theater scene)