#for me to go numb and not feel things or else be just going into panic panic panic hell freakout but beyond that it can be very hard
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My Toxic Exes
Genre : Smut
Idol : Yeji, Giselle & Julie
Tags : Ex Gf Yeji, Giselle & Julie, Dirty Talking, Secret Sex, Cheating, Lots of Kissing, Sweaty Sex,
Word : 8,838 Word
Love isn’t supposed to hurt like this.
That’s what you tell yourself as you stare at the ceiling, your body sinking into the mattress, numb. Your room is dark except for the faint glow of your phone screen, the only source of light illuminating the night.
Her last message still lingers on the screen.
"You’re overthinking."
You squeeze your eyes shut, but it doesn’t help. The images are still there. Her texts to someone else. The photo of them together. The way she denied it so easily, as if your feelings meant nothing.
Yeji.
The first girl you ever truly loved. The first girl who shattered you.
The first time you see her, she’s standing on a stage, dressed in a sharp black blazer and a white button-up shirt, her long, sleek hair tucked neatly behind her ears. She’s in the middle of a debate, her voice unwavering, her gaze sharp.
She’s stunning—not just in appearance, but in presence. She owns the room without even trying, commanding respect with every word she speaks.
You’re not supposed to be here. You only came because your friend begged you to watch their team compete, but now, all you can focus on is her.
When the debate ends, she wins—of course she does. You expect her to be cold and distant, but when she walks past you, she’s laughing with her teammates, her confidence melting into something warm and inviting.
And then, she notices you.
"Hey," she says, stopping in front of you. "Enjoy the debate?"
You blink. For a second, you think she’s talking to someone else. But no—her sharp brown eyes are locked onto yours, waiting.
"Uh, yeah," you stammer, caught off guard. "You were… really good."
She smirks, tilting her head slightly. "Thanks. I try."
And just like that, she walks away, leaving you standing there, completely entranced.
You don’t know it yet, but this is the beginning of something that will change you forever.
Getting to know Yeji is like getting close to a wildfire—intoxicating, thrilling, and impossible to control.
She’s not like anyone you’ve ever met before. She’s driven, passionate, and fiercely independent. She doesn’t need anyone, but somehow, she chooses you.
You start seeing her more often. First, it’s casual—study sessions, late-night talks about life and ambitions. Then, it becomes something more.
One night, after a long day of studying, you walk her home. It’s late, the streets nearly empty, and the cool night air makes your breath visible.
"You’re different," she says suddenly, breaking the silence.
You glance at her. "Different how?"
She shrugs, kicking a small pebble on the sidewalk. "Most guys I meet try too hard to impress me. But you… you’re just yourself."
Your heart skips a beat.
"Is that a good thing?" you ask, trying to keep your voice steady.
She stops walking and turns to face you, her eyes searching yours. Then, without warning, she steps closer, closing the distance between you.
"It is," she murmurs.
And before you can process what’s happening, she kisses you.
It’s soft, hesitant at first, but then it deepens, her fingers curling into your hoodie as if she doesn’t want to let go.
When she finally pulls away, she grins.
"Let’s do this," she says. "Let’s see where this goes."
And just like that, you’re hers.
Being with Yeji is exhilarating. She challenges you, pushes you to be better, makes you feel like you can conquer anything.
She takes you to places you’ve never been, introduces you to people who admire her just as much as you do. She’s everything you never knew you needed—strong, fearless, and completely captivating.
But then, the cracks start to show.
It begins with small things. She gets easily frustrated when you don’t immediately understand something. She makes little comments about how you could "try harder" or "be more ambitious."
"You should be more confident," she tells you one day when you hesitate to speak in a group setting. "I can’t keep carrying the conversation for you."
It stings, but you brush it off. Maybe she just wants you to improve. Maybe she’s right.
Then, she starts getting distant.
She cancels plans more often, says she’s busy, but you start noticing the way she’s always on her phone, texting someone. You tell yourself it’s nothing. She’s popular, she has a lot of friends.
But then, one night, everything changes.
You don’t mean to see it. You’re just grabbing her phone to check the time while she’s in the shower. But the moment you pick it up, a notification pops up.
A message from someone you don’t recognize.
"Last night was amazing. Can’t wait to see you again."
Your chest tightens.
You open the conversation. There are pictures—her with another guy, laughing, leaning into him the way she used to lean into you. The texts are flirty, intimate.
Your hands shake as you set the phone back down. Your mind races, trying to make sense of what you just saw.
When she comes out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around her head, she notices your expression immediately.
"What’s wrong?" she asks.
You swallow hard. "Who is he?"
She freezes for a split second—just a moment, but it’s enough.
"Who?" she asks, too casually.
"You know who," you say, voice barely above a whisper. "I saw the messages, Yeji."
Silence.
Then, she exhales, rolling her eyes. "You’re overthinking."
Your heart cracks.
"Yeji, I saw the photos," you say, your voice trembling. "Just… tell me the truth."
She stares at you, and for the first time, you see something cold in her eyes—something detached.
"There’s nothing to tell," she says simply.
No apology. No remorse. Just a flat-out denial, as if you’re the one being unreasonable.
That’s when you realize—you could argue, you could beg for the truth, but it wouldn’t matter. She’s already decided to pretend like nothing happened.
And suddenly, you feel exhausted.
You thought love was supposed to be about trust, about believing in each other. But standing here, looking at her, you realize—this isn’t love. This is a game you’re never going to win.
So you do the only thing you can.
You leave.
You don’t cry that night. You just lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering where it all went wrong.
A part of you wants to believe she’ll call, that she’ll apologize, that she’ll tell you she made a mistake.
But deep down, you know she won’t.
Yeji never looks back.
And neither should you.
Moving on from Yeji isn’t easy.
Even after weeks pass, her absence lingers like a dull ache in your chest. You try distracting yourself—focusing on school, picking up new hobbies—but nothing fully silences the thoughts. The "what ifs" still creep in late at night, and the scars she left still sting when you least expect them.
But then, you meet Giselle.
And for the first time in a long while, you feel something different.
You don’t know much about her at first. You’ve seen her in passing, heard whispers of her name in hallways and classrooms. Giselle is popular—effortlessly so. She has that kind of energy that makes people gravitate toward her, a mix of confidence and playfulness that keeps her at the center of every social circle.
She’s the kind of girl you never thought you’d talk to, let alone date.
But fate has other plans.
It starts at a party—a rare event for you. Your friends practically drag you there, insisting you need to "get out more" after the whole Yeji situation. You don’t expect much. Just a few hours of music, drinks, and pretending to have fun.
But then, you see her.
Giselle is surrounded by people, laughing at something someone said, her presence magnetic. She’s wearing a sleek black dress, her long hair cascading over her shoulders. She looks… untouchable, like she exists in a different world.
And yet, somehow, her eyes find yours.
For a split second, your breath catches. You expect her to look away, to move on.
But she doesn’t.
Instead, she smirks. Then, before you can react, she makes her way through the crowd and stops right in front of you.
"You look bored," she says, tilting her head. "Not a fan of parties?"
You chuckle, rubbing the back of your neck. "Not really my scene."
She raises an eyebrow. "Then why are you here?"
"My friends dragged me."
Her lips curve into a smile. "Mine too."
And just like that, a conversation starts.
It’s easy with her. She’s witty, teasing, but not in a mean way. She asks questions that catch you off guard, making you laugh, making you forget—if only for a moment—about everything else.
By the end of the night, you’re surprised to find yourself enjoying her company. And when she casually hands you her phone, telling you to put your number in, You don’t hesitate.
For the first time in months, something stirs in your chest.
Maybe, just maybe, this could be different.
Dating Giselle is like stepping into a dream.
Everything moves fast. One moment, you’re just getting to know her, and the next, you’re in the whirlwind of her world—late-night drives, spontaneous trips to the beach, secret rendezvous between classes.
She makes you feel special in a way you never have before.
"You’re cute when you’re flustered," she says one evening, tapping your nose playfully.
You groan. "I’m not flustered."
She laughs, leaning closer. "You totally are."
She always knows how to make you smile, how to pull you out of your shell. And for a while, you think this might actually work.
But then, the cracks begin to show.
It starts with little things.
She gets irritated when you don’t answer her texts fast enough, even if you’re busy.
"Why are you ignoring me?" she asks one day, her tone light but her eyes sharp.
"I’m not," you reply, confused. "I was in class."
She pouts. "You could’ve at least texted me back during the break."
You brush it off, thinking she just likes attention. But then, it escalates.
She starts getting jealous—of your friends, of your time, of anything that isn’t her.
"Do you really have to hang out with them?" she asks one evening when you mention plans with an old friend.
"They’re my friends, Giselle."
She crosses her arms. "I just don’t get why you need to spend time with them when you have me."
It doesn’t seem like a big deal at first. Maybe she just really likes you, you tell yourself. Maybe she just wants to feel secure.
But then, one night, everything changes.
It happens after a small argument.
You don’t even remember how it starts—something about you not paying enough attention to her, about her feeling like you don’t care.
"You don’t put in enough effort," she snaps.
You blink. "Giselle, I do my best—"
"It’s not enough!" she interrupts, her voice rising.
You’re taken aback. "What do you want from me?"
She glares at you, her jaw clenched. Then, suddenly, she throws your phone across the room.
It crashes against the wall.
You freeze.
For a long moment, there’s only silence. Then, her expression shifts. The anger melts away, replaced by something else—something almost… remorseful.
"I…" She exhales sharply, running a hand through her hair. "I didn’t mean to do that."
But she did.
And you both know it.
Still, she steps forward, reaching for your hands. "I’m sorry," she murmurs. "I just… I love you so much, and I hate feeling like I’m not enough for you."
Her voice is soft, almost pleading. And for a second, your heart wavers.
But then you look at the broken phone on the floor.
And suddenly, you realize—you’ve been here before.
This isn’t love. This is control.
And you can’t do this again.
Leaving Giselle is harder than leaving Yeji.
Because she doesn’t let you go easily.
She texts, she calls, she shows up unannounced. She cries, begs, says she’ll change.
But you know better now.
And so, no matter how much it hurts, you walk away.
You think you’re done with love.
You think you’ll never let yourself fall again.
But then, you meet Julie.
And this time, you believe—just for a moment—that things will be different.
You tell yourself you won’t fall for anyone again.
Not after Yeji’s betrayal. Not after Giselle’s suffocating love. You’re tired of love—tired of opening your heart just to watch it be torn apart.
But then, Julie enters your life.
And for the first time in a long while, you start to believe again.
It happens unexpectedly, on a cold evening in a quiet café.
You’re sitting alone, scrolling through your phone, when she approaches.
"Mind if I sit here?"
You glance up, surprised. Julie is beautiful in an effortless way—long, silky hair, sharp eyes that seem to read you instantly. There’s an air of elegance about her, from the way she carries herself to the designer coat draped over her shoulders.
You hesitate. The café isn’t full; there are plenty of empty tables.
But something in her gaze tells you she’s here for a reason.
"Sure," you say.
She sits across from you, her perfume light but intoxicating.
"I’ve seen you here before," she says casually, stirring her coffee. "You always sit by yourself."
You chuckle. "I like the quiet."
She tilts her head. "Or maybe you just don’t like people?"
You blink, caught off guard. Most girls would be shy or polite, but Julie? She’s bold. Direct.
You smirk. "Maybe a little of both."
She laughs, and just like that, a conversation begins.
It’s easy with her. Too easy
She’s different from Yeji, from Giselle. She doesn’t play games, doesn’t test you. She listens. Really listens.
And for the first time in a long while, you don’t feel like you have to prove yourself.
With Julie, you can just be.
Dating Julie feels like a dream.
She’s rich—not just well-off, but the kind of wealthy that makes life effortless. Expensive dinners, surprise gifts, spontaneous weekend getaways—she showers you with things you never thought you’d have.
At first, it feels strange.
"I don’t need all this," you tell her one day when she buys you an expensive watch.
She just smiles, pressing it into your palm. "I know. That’s why I like spoiling you."
And you believe her.
Because Julie isn’t just rich—she’s caring. Understanding. She never gets jealous when you hang out with friends, never accuses you of not loving her enough.
She trusts you.
She makes you feel safe.
And after everything you’ve been through, that’s all you’ve ever wanted.
So, for the first time in forever, you let your guard down.
You let yourself love again.
And that’s when everything falls apart.
It starts with whispers.
Little things you hear in passing.
"Julie’s always hanging out with that guy."
"Did you see her at the bar last night? She was all over him."
You brush it off. Gossip means nothing. You trust her.
But then, the doubts creep in.
She cancels dates last minute.
She starts texting less, calling less.
And then, one night, you see it with your own eyes.
Julie, standing too close to another guy. Laughing. Letting him touch her waist. Acting like you don’t exist.
Your heart clenches, but you tell yourself to stay calm.
Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe there’s an explanation.
So you wait until you’re alone with her.
And you ask.
"Who was he?"
She raises an eyebrow, sipping her wine. "Who?"
"At the bar. The guy you were with."
She sighs, setting her glass down. "Just a friend."
"A friend who touches your waist?"
Her expression hardens. "Are you seriously jealous right now?"
You hesitate. "Julie, I just—"
"God, I can’t believe this," she mutters, standing up. "You’re just like every other guy. So insecure."
Your stomach twists. "I’m not—"
"Yes, you are." Her voice is sharp, cold. "I give you everything, and this is how you repay me? By accusing me?"
You feel like you’ve been punched.
"Julie," you whisper. "I just wanted the truth."
She scoffs, grabbing her coat. "The truth? Fine. Maybe I like the attention. Maybe I like feeling wanted. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you."
Her words hit harder than they should.
Because deep down, you know—love shouldn’t feel like this.
You take a shaky breath. "I can’t do this."
She stares at you. "What?"
"I can’t be with someone who makes me feel like I’m not enough."
For a moment, something flickers in her eyes. A flash of regret, maybe.
But it vanishes just as quickly.
She exhales, shaking her head. "Fine. Do whatever you want."
And just like that, she walks away.
No tears. No apologies.
Just… nothing.
Like you never meant anything at all.
You tell yourself you won’t cry.
But that night, as you lie in bed staring at the ceiling, the weight of everything crashes down on you.
Yeji. Giselle. Julie.
Three girls. Three heartbreaks.
You’ve given love everything you had. And every time, it’s been thrown back in your face.
So, you make a decision.
You’re done.
Done chasing love. Done trusting. Done believing in fairy tales.
From now on, you’ll be alone.
Because at least then, you won’t get hurt.
But then, you meet Yuna.
And suddenly, your heart isn’t so sure anymore.
You don’t believe in love anymore.
Not after Yeji, who shattered your trust.
Not after Giselle, who suffocated you with her possessiveness.
Not after Julie, who made you feel like you were nothing.
You’re tired. You’re exhausted. And most of all, you’re done.
You don’t chase love. You don’t wait for it.
Because you know, in the end, it always leaves you broken.
But then, you meet her.
And for the first time in a long while, something inside you stirs.
Something terrifying.
Something hopeful.
It happens on a rainy afternoon.
You’re in a bookstore, flipping through pages of a novel you don’t plan on buying. The rain outside taps against the windows, a soft rhythm that matches the quietness of the shop.
You like it here. It’s peaceful. A place where no one knows you.
Or so you think.
"You like that author?"
A soft voice interrupts your thoughts.
You glance up.
And that’s when you see her.
She stands a few feet away, holding a book against her chest. She’s dressed simply—sweater, jeans, sneakers—but there’s something effortlessly beautiful about her.
Her eyes, warm and curious, meet yours.
For a second, you forget how to breathe.
You clear your throat. "Uh… yeah. I guess."
She smiles. "You don’t sound so sure."
You chuckle, scratching the back of your neck. "I’ve never read their books before. Just browsing."
She nods, stepping closer. "It’s a good one. Kind of sad, though."
You raise an eyebrow. "You like sad books?"
She tilts her head. "I think sad stories are more honest."
You don’t know why, but that answer lingers in your mind.
She turns the book in her hands, then looks at you again.
"I’m Yuna, by the way."
You hesitate.
But then, for the first time in months, you say it.
You tell her your name.
And just like that, something begins.
Yuna is different.
She doesn’t demand your attention. She doesn’t try to change you.
She simply exists in your life, slowly weaving herself into the empty spaces you never realized were there.
You start seeing her more often—at the bookstore, at the café nearby, in the quiet corners of the world where you feel most at ease.
She never pushes. Never asks too many questions.
But she listens.
And somehow, that’s enough.
One evening, as you walk together under the glow of streetlights, she asks, "Have you ever been in love?"
You stiffen. The memories of Yeji, Giselle, Julie—all of them flood back at once.
You exhale. "I thought I was."
She doesn’t say anything right away. She just walks beside you, her presence steady, unshaken.
Then, after a moment, she murmurs, "It must’ve hurt a lot."
You stop in your tracks.
Because no one—not Yeji, not Giselle, not Julie—ever acknowledged your pain like that.
Your chest tightens. "Yeah," you admit quietly. "It did."
Yuna doesn’t pry. She doesn’t ask for details.
She simply reaches out, her fingers brushing against yours in the most delicate way.
You don’t pull away.
And maybe—just maybe—you start to wonder.
Could love be something else?
Could love, for once, not destroy you?
But love has never been kind to you.
And just when you think you’re ready to move on, the past comes knocking.
Because one day, you receive a message.
From Yeji.
From Giselle.
From Julie.
They miss you.
And suddenly, everything you’ve tried to bury comes rushing back.
Ghosts of the Past
You think you’ve finally moved on.
Yuna is here. She’s warm, kind, and unlike anyone you’ve ever been with.
She doesn’t lie to you like Yeji.
She doesn’t hurt you like Giselle.
She doesn’t betray you like Julie.
With Yuna, love feels different. Safer. Real.
But love has never been kind to you.
And the past refuses to stay buried.
It starts with a message.
"I miss you."
You stare at the screen, your heart tightening.
Yeji’s name glows on your phone, the same name that once made your chest ache with love.
Now, all it brings is pain.
You turn off your phone. You don’t respond.
But the past isn’t done with you yet.
Because the next day, Giselle calls.
You let it ring. You don’t pick up.
Then, Julie sends a message.
"Hey. Can we talk?"
You delete it without reading the rest.
But no matter how much you ignore them, they don’t stop.
The texts become more frequent.
The calls become more desperate.
And slowly, they start creeping back into your life.
At first, you think it’s just them trying to soothe their own regrets.
But then, they start interfering.
And that’s when everything starts to fall apart.
The first time it happens, you and Yuna are at a small café, sharing quiet laughter over coffee.
Then, your phone buzzes.
You glance down.
It’s Yeji.
Calling.
Again.
You let out a slow breath, ignoring it.
Yuna notices. "You okay?"
You force a smile. "Yeah. Just spam calls."
But your hands feel cold.
Because it’s not just one call.
It’s three.
One after another.
And the moment you step out of the café, Yeji’s voice fills the air.
"You’re ignoring me."
You freeze.
She’s here.
Standing across the street, arms crossed, staring at you like she has the right to be angry.
You don’t know what to say.
"You think you can just block me out?" she continues, stepping closer. "After everything we had?"
Yuna glances between you both, her brows furrowing. "Who is she?"
Yeji smirks, her eyes flickering toward Yuna. "So this is why you’ve been ignoring me."
Your stomach twists. "Yeji, don’t—"
"Did you tell her about us?" Yeji interrupts, her voice dripping with something dangerous. "Did you tell her how much you used to love me?"
You clench your jaw. "We’re done. You need to leave."
Yeji laughs—soft, bitter. "You say that, but I know you still think about me."
She takes another step forward, lowering her voice.
"You used to be mine," she whispers. "And you will be again."
Then, she turns and walks away.
Leaving you standing there, heart pounding.
Yuna touches your arm. "What was that about?"
You force yourself to breathe. "Nothing."
But it’s not nothing.
Because Yeji isn’t the only one who won’t let go.
And soon, things get worse.
It’s Giselle next.
She doesn’t just send messages.
She shows up.
At your work. At your apartment.
Always finding an excuse to see you, to talk to you.
And every time, she asks the same thing.
"Do you ever think about me?"
You want to say no.
You want to erase every painful memory of her.
But Giselle has always known how to push your buttons.
"You were my everything," she whispers one night, standing in front of your door. "I know I made mistakes. But you… you were different."
You grip the doorframe. "Giselle, go home."
She shakes her head, eyes glistening. "I don’t have a home without you."
You swallow hard.
And that’s when you realize—she doesn’t just want you back.
She wants to ruin you.
And the moment she realizes she can’t, she tries something worse.
She finds Yuna.
She talks to her.
She tells her things—half-truths, twisted stories.
And one day, Yuna asks, "Did she really hurt you that badly?"
Your stomach drops.
Because you know exactly where this is coming from.
You reach for her hand. "Yuna, don’t listen to them."
She bites her lip. "I trust you. But I don’t trust them."
And you know—Giselle won’t stop.
Because if she can’t have you, she’ll make sure no one else does.
But the worst is Julie.
Because Julie doesn’t just want to win.
She wants to make you suffer.
One night, she sends you a message.
"Come see me. Just once."
You don’t reply.
Then another text comes.
"I won’t stop until you do."
You sigh, running a hand through your hair.
Maybe if you go, she’ll stop. Maybe she’ll finally let go.
So, against your better judgment, you go.
You find her in a high-end bar, swirling a glass of wine in her hand.
She looks up, smiling like she’s already won.
"I knew you’d come," she murmurs.
You sit across from her, exhaling sharply. "What do you want?"
She leans forward, her perfume familiar and suffocating.
"Are you happy?" she asks.
You frown. "What?"
"With her," Julie says smoothly. "With Yuna."
You glare. "Yes."
She tilts her head. "That’s a shame."
Something about her tone makes your skin crawl.
Then, she smirks. "Because I don’t think she’ll be around for long."
A chill runs down your spine. "What did you do?"
Julie sips her wine. "Nothing. Yet."
You push your chair back, standing. "Stay away from her."
Julie just laughs. "You should know by now, baby. I don’t like losing."
You leave without another word.
But dread settles in your stomach.
Because you know this isn’t over.
Not even close.
And the worst part?
You don’t know if Yuna will stay by your side when the storm hits.
Trapped in the Past.
You’ve been trying to move on.
You tell yourself that Yuna is different. That she’s the one good thing in your life. That your past no longer has control over you.
But the past has other plans.
And today, it comes crashing back—harder than ever.
It’s just another day at work.
Your office is quiet, the usual hum of keyboards and murmured conversations filling the space. You’re buried in your work, trying to focus, when you hear it—
Gasps. Whispered voices. A sudden shift in the atmosphere.
You glance up, confused.
And then, you see them.
Yeji.
Giselle.
Julie.
Standing at the entrance of your office, looking like they walked straight out of a dream—or, in your case, a nightmare.
Your heart stops.
They shouldn’t be here. They can’t be here.
But they are.
And they look even more breathtaking than you remember.
Yeji stands tall, her confidence radiating through the room, a small smirk playing on her lips. She wears a fitted blazer over a sleek black dress, her hair pulled back in a way that makes her look both elegant and untouchable.
Giselle, on the other hand, is effortlessly stunning, dressed in a casual yet expensive-looking ensemble—like she just threw something on and still managed to turn heads. She’s scanning the room, her eyes sharp, predatory.
Julie, as expected, looks perfect. A designer outfit, flawless makeup, an aura of quiet dominance. She’s not here to plead. She’s here to claim.
The entire office is watching, mesmerized.
Because how often do three goddesses show up unannounced, asking for the same man?
And then it happens.
"Where’s Y/n?" Yeji asks, loud enough for everyone to hear.
You freeze.
Your coworkers look around, confused. Some exchange glances before one of them hesitantly points in your direction.
And just like that, the three of them turn to you.
And they grin.
Because Yuna isn’t here.
Because this is their chance.
Because they know—deep down, they still have power over you.
And they plan to use it.
Before you can react, they’re walking toward you.
Your heart pounds as they reach your desk, their presence overwhelming.
"Y/n," Yeji purrs, leaning against your desk like she belongs there. "You’ve been ignoring us."
Giselle tilts her head, feigning innocence. "That’s not very nice, you know. We just wanted to see you."
Julie sighs, a soft, disappointed sound. "You really thought we’d just let you go?"
You swallow hard. "You shouldn’t be here."
Yeji raises an eyebrow. "Oh? Why not?"
You glance around. Your coworkers are still watching, whispering amongst themselves.
You grit your teeth. "Because I don’t want to see you."
Giselle laughs. "Liar."
Julie smirks. "If that were true, why do you look so nervous?"
Because they know what they’re doing.
They know exactly how to push your buttons, how to make you uncomfortable.
And worst of all…
They’re winning.
Because a part of you—no matter how small—remembers.
Remembers Yeji’s strength. The way she used to make you feel safe, like nothing in the world could touch you.
Remembers Giselle’s charm. The way she made you feel special, like you were the only one who mattered.
Remembers Julie’s care. The way she spoiled you, made you feel like you were worth something.
And now, they’re standing in front of you, looking more beautiful than ever, acting like they still care.
And Yuna isn’t here.
Yeji leans in, her voice low. "Let’s go somewhere private."
Giselle rests a hand on your shoulder, her nails lightly scraping your skin. "Just for a little bit."
Julie exhales softly, her perfume intoxicating. "Come on, Y/n. Don’t make us beg."
Your hands tighten into fists.
Because this is exactly how it starts.
How you get pulled back in.
How you let yourself believe that maybe, just maybe, they’ve changed.
But you know better now.
You have to know better.
You step back. "No."
Yeji’s eyes darken. "Excuse me?"
You exhale sharply. "I said no."
Giselle blinks, her smile faltering. "You’re joking, right?"
Julie’s expression turns cold. "You’re really going to push us away like this?"
You nod. "I’ve moved on."
Yeji scoffs. "With that girl? Yuna?"
You clench your jaw. "Yes."
There’s a long pause.
And then, Giselle laughs.
A slow, mocking laugh.
"Oh, Y/n," she murmurs. "You really think she’s better than us?"
Julie tilts her head. "You think she can love you like we did?"
Yeji crosses her arms. "Do you really believe she’ll stay?"
Something in their words sends a chill down your spine.
Because you know what they’re implying.
Yuna doesn’t play games like they do.
Yuna isn’t manipulative.
Yuna isn’t them.
And that’s exactly why they want to destroy her.
Before you can respond, Yeji steps closer, her voice a whisper.
"If you’re not ours," she murmurs, "then you’re not hers either."
Your blood runs cold.
Because now, this isn’t just about you.
It’s about Yuna.
And you know—this war isn’t over.
It’s only just beginning.
The fluorescent lights of the office buzzed softly, a faint hum that matched the rhythm of my typing. My eyes flicked to the clock on the wall—5:47 PM. Just a little longer, and I could head home. Home, where Yuna would be waiting. The thought of her brought a small smile to my lips. Yuna, unlike the others, was different. She was kind, patient, and she listened. She didn’t play games, didn’t twist words, didn’t leave me second-guessing every interaction. She was… healing.
But that healing was fragile. Like a wound that had just begun to scab over, it could be ripped open with the slightest touch. And the last people I wanted touching it were them.
The soft ding of the elevator down the hall made my fingers pause mid-sentence. I glanced up, my heart skipping a beat as three familiar figures stepped out. Yeji, Giselle, and Julie.
Their heels clicked against the polished floor, a synchronized rhythm that felt like a drumroll before disaster. They were dressed to kill—Yeji in a form-fitting red blazer, Giselle in a sleek black dress, and Julie in a skirt that was far too short for the office setting. Each of them wore a smirk, their eyes locking onto me like predators circling prey.
“Well, well, look who’s still working late,” Yeji purred, her voice dripping with faux sweetness.
I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry. “What are you three doing here?”
“Can’t we visit an old friend?” Giselle chimed in, her lips curving into a sly smile. She leaned against my desk, her perfume—a mix of vanilla and something far too intoxicating—washing over me.
“Friend?” I muttered, my voice low. “Is that what we are now?”
Julie chuckled, the sound grating against my ears. “Come on, don’t be like that. We missed you.”
Missed me. The words hit like a punch to the gut. Not because they were true—I knew better than to believe that—but because they were a reminder of all the times I’d fallen for their lies. All the times I’d let them hurt me, let them twist me into something I barely recognized.
“You don’t get to just show up here,” I said, my voice firmer now. “Not after everything.”
Yeji tilted her head, her smirk never wavering. “Everything? Oh, sweetheart, you act like we ruined you. If anything, we made you stronger.”
“Stronger?” I echoed, my voice rising. “You manipulated me. Toyed with me. Made me feel like I was nothing. That’s not strength. That’s just… cruelty.”
Giselle clicked her tongue, shaking her head. “You always were so dramatic.”
“Seriously,” Julie added, her tone dripping with mockery. “We were just having fun. If you couldn’t handle it, that’s on you.”
My hands balled into fists at my sides, my nails digging into my palms. Fun. That’s what they called it. Playing with my emotions, stringing me along, making me feel like I was losing my mind. Fun.
“Get out,” I said through gritted teeth.
Yeji’s smirk widened, and she stepped closer, her heels clicking against the floor. “Make us.”
The air between us grew thick, heavy with tension. My chest tightened, my breath coming in shallow gasps. I could smell her perfume, a mix of roses and something darker, something that made my head spin.
“You’re not the same without us, you know,” Giselle murmured, her voice soft, almost… gentle. “You’re boring. Safe. Is that what she wants? Someone safe?”
Julie laughed, the sound sharp and cutting. “Please. He was never boring with us.”
I shook my head, trying to clear the fog that was settling over my thoughts. “You don’t get to do this. Not anymore.”
“Do what?” Yeji asked, her voice a low purr. “Remind you of what you’re missing?”
She was close now, so close I could feel the heat radiating off her body. Her hand reached up, her fingers brushing against my cheek. I flinched, but I didn’t pull away. Why didn’t I pull away?
“You remember, don’t you?” she whispered, her breath warm against my ear. “The way it felt when we were together.”
My heart raced, my mind a jumble of conflicting emotions. Yes, I remember. I remembered the highs, the moments of bliss that made everything else fade away. But I also remembered the lows, the crushing weight of their words, the way they tore me apart piece by piece.
“We could have that again,” Giselle said, her voice a sultry whisper. “All of us. Just like old times.”
Julie stepped forward, her hand resting on my chest. “You know you want it.”
I did. God, I did. But I also wanted to be free, to move on, to finally be happy. And yet… here they were, pulling me back into their orbit, their gravity impossible to resist.
“Just one more night,” Yeji murmured, her lips brushing against my neck. “One more chance to make it right.”
I closed my eyes, my body trembling. One more night. It would be so easy to give in, to let myself fall back into their arms, their beds. But at what cost?
“I…” I started, my voice trembling. “I can’t.”
Yeji pulled back, her eyes narrowing. “Can’t? Or won’t?”
“It’s not the same,” I said, my voice firmer now. “I’m not the same.”
For a moment, there was silence. Then Giselle laughed, the sound cold and dismissive. “You’re right. You’re not the same. You’re worse.”
Julie smirked, her hand trailing down my chest. “But maybe we can fix that.”
I shoved her hand away, my patience snapping. “I’m not something you can fix. I’m not a project, or a game, or… or…”
“A toy?” Yeji finished, her smirk returning. “Because that’s exactly what you were. And you loved it.”
“I didn’t,” I snapped, my voice rising. “I hated it. I hated you.”
“Liar,” Giselle said, her voice sharp. “You loved every second of it.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I loved the idea of you. The fantasy. But the reality… the reality was hell.”
Yeji stepped back, her smirk fading. For a moment, she looked almost… hurt. “You’re really going to throw it all away? Everything we had?”
“We didn’t have anything,” I said, my voice steady now. “It was all in my head. And I’m done pretending otherwise.”
There was a long pause, the air heavy with unspoken words. Then Julie sighed, rolling her eyes. “Fine. Be a bore. But don’t come crawling back when you realize you’re not cut out for… normal.”
They turned, their heels clicking against the floor as they walked away. I watched them go, my heart pounding in my chest. It wasn’t until the elevator doors closed behind them that I finally let out the breath I’d been holding.
But even as the tension left my body, the ache in my chest remained. Just one more night. The words echoed in my mind, taunting me. Because as much as I hated to admit it, part of me still wanted them. Still needed them.
And that scared me more than anything.
The office was quiet, the hum of fluorescent lights the only sound as I tried to focus on the report in front of me. But my mind kept drifting back to the encounter earlier. Yeji, Giselle, Julie—their faces, their words, the way they’d looked at me like I was still theirs. I shook my head, trying to push the thoughts away. They’re gone. They’re not a part of your life anymore.
But just as I was about to dive back into work, my phone buzzed. A text from Yeji: “Come outside. We’re waiting.”
I froze, my heart skipping a beat. No. Not again. I ignored it, setting the phone face down on the desk. But then it buzzed again. And again. And again. Finally, I picked it up, my fingers trembling slightly as I read the next message: “Don’t make us come back up there. You know how much we love a scene.”
I cursed under my breath, dragging a hand over my face. Why can’t they just leave me alone? But deep down, I knew they wouldn’t. Not until they got what they wanted.
Reluctantly, I grabbed my coat and headed for the elevator. The ride down felt like an eternity, my stomach twisting into knots. When the doors slid open, I saw them—Yeji leaning casually against the wall, Giselle scrolling through her phone, Julie with her arms crossed, a smirk on her lips.
“There he is,” Yeji purred, pushing off the wall and walking toward me. “We were starting to think you’d forgotten about us.”
“I haven’t,” I said, my voice firm. “But I’m not doing this. Not again.”
Julie laughed, a sharp, mocking sound. “Oh, come on. You’re not fooling anyone. We know you still want us.” She stepped closer, her eyes glinting with mischief. “You always have.”
“I’ve moved on,” I said, though the words felt hollow even as I said them. “I’m with Yuna now.”
“Yuna,” Giselle scoffed, finally looking up from her phone. “She’s sweet, yeah, but let’s be real—she’s not us.”
“She’s better than you,” I shot back, my frustration boiling over. “She actually cares about me. She respects me.”
Yeji tilted her head, her lips curving into a sly smile. “Respect is overrated. What you need is someone who knows how to make you feel alive. And that’s us.”
Before I could respond, Julie grabbed my arm, her grip surprisingly strong. “Enough talking. Let’s go.”
I tried to pull away, but they were already surrounding me, their presence overwhelming. They led me to a car parked just outside the building, and before I knew it, I was in the backseat, the three of them closing in around me.
The drive to their apartment was a blur, my mind racing as I tried to figure out how to get out of this. But every time I thought about making a move, one of them would touch me—a hand on my thigh, fingers brushing against my neck—and I’d feel that familiar pull, that dangerous allure that I’d spent so long trying to escape.
When we arrived, they practically dragged me inside the apartment, the door slamming shut behind us. Yeji was the first to make her move, pressing me against the wall and kissing me hard, her lips demanding and possessive. I wanted to push her away, to tell her to stop, but my body betrayed me, responding to her touch before I could think.
Giselle was next, her hands sliding under my shirt as she undressed me with practiced ease. Julie watched from a distance, a wicked grin on her face as she pulled out her phone.
“What are you doing?” I asked, my voice strained as Yeji moved her lips to my neck.
Julie didn’t answer, instead holding up her phone to show me the screen. She was calling Yuna. Panic surged through me, and I tried to pull away, but Yeji and Giselle held me in place, their hands roaming over my body.
“You wouldn’t,” I said, my voice pleading.
“Oh, I would,” Julie said, her grin widening as the call connected. She put it on speaker, and I heard Yuna’s voice, soft and confused, on the other end.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Yuna,” Julie said, her tone sickly sweet. “Just wanted to let you know—your boyfriend’s here with us. And he’s very happy to see us.”
“No,” I said, my voice breaking. “Yuna, it’s not what you think—”
But Yeji cut me off, her lips crashing into mine again as Giselle pulled down my pants. I could hear Yuna on the other end of the line, her voice trembling as she asked, “What’s going on? What are you doing to him?”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Julie said, her voice dripping with mock sympathy. “We’re just giving him what he’s always wanted. What he’s always needed. Isn’t that right, baby?”
I wanted to deny it, to tell Yuna the truth, but the words caught in my throat as Giselle dropped to her knees, taking me into her mouth. I groaned, my body betraying me once again as pleasure surged through me.
Yeji pulled back, her lips curving into a wicked smile as she whispered in my ear, “He’s always wanted us. Not you.”
“Don’t listen to her, Yuna,” I managed to say, my voice strained. “Please—”
But Julie cut me off, holding the phone closer as Giselle worked her magic, driving me closer and closer to the edge. I could hear Yuna’s sobs on the other end of the line, and guilt crashed over me like a wave. But even as I tried to fight it, I knew I was losing.
“You’ll never be enough for him,” Yeji said, her voice cold and cruel. “Not like we are.”
And then, as Giselle brought me to the brink, I heard Yuna hang up, the line going dead. I wanted to scream, to break free, but my body was too far gone, too lost in the sensations they were pulling from me.
Yeji laughed, a low, wicked sound, as she undressed, her eyes locked on mine. “Face it, baby. You’re ours. You always have been.”
And as they took turns with me, their hands and mouths claiming me in ways I could never forget, I knew she was right. No matter how much I tried to convince myself I’d moved on, I was still theirs. And I always would be.
Julie’s phone buzzed again, and she picked it up, her grin widening as she read the message. “Looks like your little Yuna isn’t taking this well,” she said, holding it up for me to see. It was a text from Yuna: “I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.”
My heart sank, but before I could respond, Giselle was on me again, her lips trailing down my chest as Yeji whispered in my ear, “See? We told you. You’re ours.”
And as they took me again, their bodies moving in sync with mine, I knew there was no escaping them. Not now. Not ever.
The room was a blur of sweat, heat, and tangled limbs. Yeji’s nails dug into my shoulders as she rode me, her hips grinding in slow, deliberate circles that sent waves of pleasure coursing through me. Her breath was hot against my ear, her voice low and sultry. “You’re ours,” she whispered, her words dripping with possessiveness. “You always have been. You always will be.”
Giselle’s laughter rang out as she kissed me, her lips soft but demanding. Her hands roamed my chest, tracing lines of fire across my skin. She pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes, her gaze intense. “You thought you could escape us?” she taunted, her voice teasing. “You’re too weak, too addicted to the way we make you feel. Admit it... you’ve missed this.”
I wanted to deny it, to push them away and reclaim some shred of dignity, but my body betrayed me. My hips moved of their own accord, thrusting deeper into Yeji as she moaned in approval. My hands reached for Giselle, pulling her closer, my fingers tangling in her hair as our lips crashed together. And then there was Julie, her tongue tracing a wet path down my neck, her hands gripping my thighs as she positioned herself to take her turn.
“You’re pathetic,” Julie purred, her voice a mix of cruelty and seduction. “But we love you anyway. Isn’t that enough?” She didn’t wait for an answer, instead straddling me and sinking down onto me with a gasp. Her movements were frenzied, desperate, as if she couldn’t get enough. I couldn’t help but respond, my hands gripping her hips as I thrust up to meet her.
The room filled with the sound of their moans, their laughter, their whispers. It was intoxicating, overwhelming, and I felt myself slipping further and further into their web. “You’re ours,” Yeji repeated, her voice a sultry chant. “Say it. Say you’re ours.”
I tried to resist, to hold onto some fragment of myself, but the words tumbled out before I could stop them. “I’m yours,” I gasped, my voice choked with need. “I’m yours.”
The trio exchanged triumphant smiles, their eyes gleaming with satisfaction. “Good boy,” Giselle cooed, her fingers trailing down my chest. “Now let’s remind you why you belong to us.”
They took turns, their bodies moving over mine in a rhythm that felt both familiar and new. Yeji’s lips claimed mine, her kisses deep and hungry, while Giselle’s hands explored every inch of me, igniting fires wherever she touched. Julie’s voice whispered in my ear, her words a mix of encouragement and command, urging me to give in completely.
The air was thick with the scent of sweat and sex, the sound of our bodies slapping together echoing in the room. My mind was a haze of pleasure and pain, desire and despair. I wanted to hate them, to push them away and reclaim my life, but my body craved them in a way I couldn’t deny.
“You’re ours,” Yeji whispered again, her voice a soothing balm against the chaos. “And we’ll never let you go.”
As if to emphasize her words, she leaned down, her lips brushing against mine in a kiss that was both tender and possessive. Giselle’s hands tightened on my hips, guiding my movements as she took her turn, her body moving in perfect sync with mine. Julie’s teeth grazed my neck, her breath hot against my skin as she moaned in pleasure.
The room seemed to spin, the boundaries between us blurring as we became a tangled mess of limbs and desires. I couldn’t tell where one of them ended and the others began. It was as if we were one, connected by something deeper than just physical need.
“You’re ours,” Giselle whispered, her voice a sultry purr. “And you always will be.”
My hands roamed their bodies, my fingers memorizing every curve, every detail. I couldn’t stop myself, couldn’t resist the pull they had on me. It was as if they had cast a spell, one that I was powerless to break.
“You’re ours,” Julie repeated, her voice a tantalizing whisper. “Say it again.”
“I’m yours,” I gasped, my voice trembling with need. “I’m yours.”
The words seemed to ignite something in them, their movements becoming more frantic, more desperate. Yeji’s nails dug into my skin, leaving marks that would serve as a reminder of this moment. Giselle’s hips moved with a furious pace, her breath coming in ragged gasps. Julie’s lips claimed mine, her kiss fierce and demanding.
The pleasure built, a crescendo that threatened to consume me. I could feel myself teetering on the edge, my body trembling with the effort to hold on. And then, with a shuddering gasp, I let go, surrendering completely to the sensations that crashed over me.
They didn’t let up, didn’t give me a moment to catch my breath. Instead, they continued, their bodies moving over mine in a relentless rhythm that left me gasping for air. It was as if they were determined to claim every part of me, to leave no doubt in my mind that I belonged to them.
“You’re ours,” Yeji whispered, her voice a soothing balm against the chaos. “And we’ll never let you go.”
The words echoed in my mind, a mantra that I couldn’t escape. I wanted to believe them, to believe that this was where I belonged, but a small part of me still fought, still clung to the hope of something more.
But as their bodies moved over mine, their hands and mouths claiming me in ways I could never forget, that hope began to fade, replaced by the certainty that I would never escape them. Not now. Not ever.
“You’re ours,” Giselle whispered, her voice a sultry purr. “And you always will be.”
The room was a blur of heat and desire, the boundaries between us blurring as we became one. I couldn’t tell where one of them ended and the others began. It was as if we were connected by something deeper than just physical need.
“You’re ours,” Julie whispered, her voice a tantalizing whisper. “Say it again.”
“I’m yours,” I gasped, my voice trembling with need. “I’m yours.”
The words seemed to ignite something in them, their movements becoming more frantic, more desperate. Yeji’s nails dug into my skin, leaving marks that would serve as a reminder of this moment. Giselle’s hips moved with a furious pace, her breath coming in ragged gasps. Julie’s lips claimed mine, her kiss fierce and demanding.
The pleasure built again, a crescendo that threatened to consume me. I could feel myself teetering on the edge, my body trembling with the effort to hold on. And then, with a shuddering gasp, I let go, surrendering completely to the sensations that crashed over me.
They didn’t let up, didn’t give me a moment to catch my breath. Instead, they continued, their bodies moving over mine in a relentless rhythm that left me gasping for air. It was as if they were determined to claim every part of me, to leave no doubt in my mind that I belonged to them.
“You’re ours,” Yeji whispered, her voice a soothing balm against the chaos. “And we’ll never let you go.”
The words echoed in my mind, a mantra that I couldn’t escape. I wanted to believe them, to believe that this was where I belonged, but a small part of me still fought, still clung to the hope of something more.
But as their bodies moved over mine, their hands and mouths claiming me in ways I could never forget, that hope began to fade, replaced by the certainty that I would never escape them. Not now. Not ever.
#Spotify#kpop#kpop x reader#kpop x y/n#x male reader#beautiful#kpop smut#aespa#itzy#kiof#kiss of life#aespa giselle#itzy yeji#kiof julie#toxic#ex girlfriend#exes#kiss#romance
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jjk x reader: staying warm in the winter
scenario: how each villain would keep you toasty — themes: established relationships, soft villains — w.c: under 500 words each — included: sukuna, mahito, kenjaku, jogo
ao3 • masterlist
Sukuna:
You were walking through the estate grounds with Sukuna at your side through the dead of winter, barely carrying yourself through snow. The harsh bite of winter settled in your bones, making it difficult for you to move your limbs. Sukuna of course, was quite to notice your building misery, although, he didn’t say a thing until you were frozen solid into place.
“So weak,” he muttered, allowing his fiery crimson eyes to settle on you, burning red, even in a place so cold.
You tried to keep going, but your limbs stiffened and the cold winter air hurt when going into your lungs, leaving you feeling hesitant. Sukuna was cruel, so he could leave you to freeze to death (or worse) if he really wanted to, but the look in his eyes left you feeling more wary in anticipation of something else.
“Here, I will help you,” he decided to offer, taking a step closer to you, easily dwarfing your height within his imposing form.
You couldn’t back away even if you tried, so all you could do was shiver out a slight protest as your lips trembled, weak and numb. “What are you…?”
As you trailed off, Sukuna’s arms—all four of them—wrapped right around your form, his limbs snaking tightly around your body, constricting you into place. He held onto you so tightly that it felt like all of the air had been squeezed right out of your lungs, leaving you feeling breathless, and almost dazed.
You tried to writhe out of his grip, but as you did so, his hold only tightened, pressing the front of your body, ironing it against yours; letting the body heat transfer, settle, and finally, soothe.
“Quit struggling,” he murmured, ensuring you couldn’t get away, “and just let me warm you.”
You sulked but reluctantly accepted it. “I can’t breathe, though.”
He brushed his arms down, releasing the bottom set to slightly take the pressure off. His tone of voice was casual, and yet harboured a hint of teasing in his tone, “But you’re warm?”
You supposed that you indeed were, choosing not to argue with someone who could just as easily plunge you back into the snow, or worse yet, kill you. For now, you appreciated the warmth of his body and his actions, hoping that such mercy would only continue to last.
~~~
Mahito:
Mahito noticed your shivering state right away, your body was trembling despite being otherwise rigid, your flesh adorned with many prickling goosebumps. The patch-faced cursed spirit on the other hand was fine, unbothered by the cold, the heat of his cycling cursed energy keeping him going.
“Y’know, I could tweak your soul just a little,” he drawled out lazily, twirling a pointed finger towards you, hovering mere centimeters away from your nose, “and warm ya right up.”
You hesitated, warily taking a wide step away from him. “N-no way. You’re not gonna mess with my insides.”
Mahito’s voice shifted to one of false assurance, adopting a joyful glint in his eyes as he spoke, “Come on. Just a little, I won’t damage you,” he promised, although the mischievousness playing in his voice wasn’t too reassuring.
You knew from your gut instinct though, that you shouldn’t trust him, not a single bit, but both your fingers and your toes were numb. For a split second, you caved, giving in with clear reluctant agreement. “F-fine, just don’t do anything… weird.”
“Nothing weird,” he murmured, finally connecting his fingertips with your face, seemingly changing something subtle—something you couldn’t tell what right away, then after a moment, he pulled away, seeming done, “there we go.”
You never liked it when Mahito was calm, in fact, you were now left feeling even more wary than before. Your hands flew onto your body, desperately patting around your form to ensure that nothing physically changed, but then you felt a sudden wave of heat wash over your core. It felt admittedly nice, but only initially. When the warmth didn’t stop, it left you feeling like you were being boiled alive from the inside out.
“What did you do?” you seethed, unzipping what you wore slightly to get some cold air in to cool you down.
“I changed your body temperature - how it regulates, all that jazz,” he replied, glancing over his nails, as if indifferent, leaning back all the while.
Your hand met your forehead, initially wanting to facepalm, but then you felt how truly hot your skin was. “Did you give me a fever?”
Mahito met you with dual finger guns and the click of his tongue, “You got me.”
“So will this go away or not?” you sulked.
He cracked you a teasing grin, seeming to find your fretting state to be amusing, choosing to feed you a vague answer instead, just to further infuriate you, “Eventually.”
You sighed as you leaned back too, both feeling overwhelmed by the heat enveloping your body, but also feeling the chills of the fever begin to settle in, leaving you in a state of discomfort. Then again, you supposed that at least you weren’t cold, so Mahito pulled through on that part?
~~~
Kenjaku:
There was a chill in the air in the house; the old, dusty interior failing to capture any semblance of heat inside the walls. You were essentially reduced to a perpetually shivering state, left unable to focus. The fossil of a sorcerer that you shared a home with, who kept insisting that you two were an item, made you live here with them, so you were determined to make it their problem, too.
You waltzed up to them in their office, bundled up in a comical amount of layers, while shivering all the same. “It’s freezing,” you complained, “fix it.”
Kenjaku’s eyes flicked up from the book they were reading and up to your eyes. Slowly, a slow, measured smile spread across their face, their eyes glinting with something concerning that you couldn’t quite place. “Oh really? You want me to fix it?”
Right away, you regretted even bringing it up. The gleam in their eyes wasn’t just interest, but also a mocking sort of amusement that made you want to take back all that you said, but it was too late. They were already plotting.
“I’ll take care of everything,” they purred, closing their book shut, before standing up and walking intently towards you, closing the distance quickly.
Before you could even react, they ushered you into a different room and before you knew it, you were wrapped up in so many blankets, that you couldn’t even move your arms properly. Narrowing your eyes, you tried to protest against whatever this was, “I’m not sick, I’m just cold—”
“—shh,” they hushed you anyway, stepping away for a moment, leaving you staring at nothingness for what felt like an eternity, by the time they returned, they brought back a tray with a steaming bowl on it. “You like soup, don’t you?”
The spoon flew into your mouth before you could even say anything else otherwise, all the while Kenjaku muttered about you ‘being all dependant and doting on them now’, seemingly overjoyed with the development of this breakthrough.
“Once again, I’m not sick,” you tried to protest, regretting your words once more as the glimmer in their eyes faded into cold indifference. Their smile vanished and the spoon dropped, dampening the blanket.
“Ungrateful thing,” they announced dramatically, tightening the blankets so that you couldn’t move, “talking back at me,” they continued to murmur, “if you want to be warm, stay like this, just don’t expect me to help you out of it later.”
Left stunned, you called out after them as they walked away, “You’re the one who—”
But it was all too late—they had long left you. You sighed in the meanwhile, trying to squirm free, but the sheer amount of blankets simply wouldn’t budge. At least you weren’t cold anymore?
~~~
Jogo:
Although you weren’t subtle about it, you gradually scooted over towards Jogo who otherwise stubbornly sat in place, huffing his breath as you gradually bridged the distance in rising annoyance. The volcano-headed curse was not too pleased about this progression of events, it seemed, but you were the only exception he ever allowed to get close.
To you, the heat rising from his body was perfect; offering an almost satisfying warmth that kept the bite of winter at bay, taming it. However, if you ever wondered about what the catch for his calmness would ever, be, you were sure to find out imminently as he started to talk your ear off.
You listened in as he fed you proverb after proverb, offering a string of ‘uhuhs’ and ‘mhms’ as he endlessly continued, slowly, might you add, drawing out a puff of smoke between every other third word.
Jogo didn’t mind too much, or rather, he didn’t care about your reluctance. It was nice for him to talk to someone who wouldn’t leave. Suddenly though, he piped up, straightening his posture and slamming his cane against the floor. “Light is scarce, warmth is rare, and yet, here you are, leeching off of all I have.”
You cracked your eyes open, leaning towards your side to rest on his shoulder. “That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” you sleepily joked.
His single eye glared at you from the side, narrowing slightly. “You’re more cat-like than human,” he muttered away, a hint of affection creeping into his tone, although, it was surely subtle, “one would think that you’re only after my company for warmth.”
“If that was true, then I wouldn’t stick around you in the summer,” you lightheartedly defended your side, “but,” you considered it again, “it certainly is a perk.”
You could have sworn Jogo’s cheeks heated up, but he quickly turned away before giving you the satisfaction of seeing such a thing. Instead, he grumbled something unintelligible off into the void, scooting closer to you that time, intent on giving you the warmth you so desperately craved.
#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk drabbles#jjk drabble#ryomen sukuna x reader#sukuna x reader#mahito x reader#kenjaku x reader#jogo x reader#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#mahito#jogo#kenjaku#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fanfic#jjk fluff#jjk villains#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#kenjaku x you#mahito x y/n#mahito x you#jogo jjk#jogo jujutsu kaisen#jjk jogo#mahito jjk
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Zato have such a great present to the little girl that the miracle doctor went jolly and had to be the jolliest gift giver around and gave presents to all the people. Conclave thought he was too jolly and had to lock him up in a white room where he only had himself to jolly up. (Reference)
made on [x]
#ok so the other day I was going through tillmans zato tag because I was almost certain they had a festive zato blingee gif#it wasnt coming up on the tumblr gif search but that things broken anyway like everything else on this site#but i was getting pretty disheartened after i scrolled past ~20 variations of the zato pregnancy/abortion post#so now ive fully thrown in the towel and decided I hallucinated the whole thing and all that effort was for nothing#so what else is there to do but put even more effort into making my own significantly worse version?#the fact that whatever blingee adjacent site i used for this is completely in spanish really got me into the zato headspace#what is the zato headspace? its a very specific numbness that just sort of sits in the pit of your gut#there was supposed to be pain. its not there. somehow the lack of it feels worse. at least pain would be release. absolution.#no. nothing. there are stars in the sky. you decided there are more important things to do with your eyes.#anyway i had fun making this i hope its as low quality as i intended#laggspeaks#sound
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unfortunate and awful news- I lost my job and we're getting evicted from our hous🙃
#i still have no words#ive felt helpless at many points in my life but this is a whole new lpw#i truly dont know what to even begin to do like#it felt like juat as soon as i was feeling a slither of calm pf happiness it got ripped away from me#i feel so incredibly alone all the time#i dont know. i dont know where my family will go- from the help folks on reddit have given me it sounds like they'll seperate my family#ive cried so much over this i dont know what else i can do#ive never felt this gripped by fear and numb all at once#i dont kmow#i wish i could talk to any of my friends but theyre all so busy with their lives and im just this... nothing#having a job made me feel useful helpful#now i dont have one im back to being this... useless thing#i force myself to try and be distracted from everything in the real world but its digging into me and following me#im still mustering up the energy to even try and pick up my tarot i know thats like unconventional and its just cards but this deck i have#it just feels cosmically intertwined with my soul. ive genuinely never felt more alove when ive consulted it#i just#i hope this wont be the end of me#vent post#vent#personal vent
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can i be emotionally vulnerable with you all in the torture dungeon
#anyway. keep feeling weird in a specific way but not really wanting to talk about it with anyone but also not talking about it makes it#feel like its crawling under my skin. and its not necessarily a bad feeling i just have a fucked up traumatized brain that makes#feeling things weird in general. i feel things so strongly or else im numb and outside my body and often struggle#with being super aware of myself because of this. where its also like im in survival mode constantly know and it can be easy#for me to go numb and not feel things or else be just going into panic panic panic hell freakout but beyond that it can be very hard#for me to identify feelings and such and having sat with this feeling its like. ok i think ive identified this but it feels#weird for me and i dont know what to do with this. should i do anything with this. probably not. and that carries its own#various baggage and relation to other issues im realizing i said i was going to be vulnerable but now i am just being very#vague about everything im saying. as you can tell i have problems and am noy good at being vulnerable#tldr feelings are weird. ive been feeling weird lately in specific ways that i dont know how to deal with but its not really bad but does#relate to certain issues i have with myself but idk really what to do besides just feeling it and letting it pass#but sometimrs iy has made me want to bang my head against a wall
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also since we are talking about it, miles has little to no libido / sex drive / desire to actually physically sleep with people who aren’t the walrider post canon. he flirts and makes passes a lot because it’s just his personality, but he’s terrified of anything other than brief and basic physical contact. so while he might entertain Ideas and want to take things in that direction — unless there’s a lot of trust and discussion beforehand he most likely won’t follow through
#I know libido and sex drive aren’t exactly the right terms because he might Want to have sex with someone#but the 75 layers of trauma and self hatred usually gets in the way and negates the desire that’s there#I just don’t know another term for ‘would sleep with someone in theory but probably not in practice’ lol#celibacy implies active choice I feel………. or at least some sort of conscious decision to live that way#plus he’s got the general numbness and inability to experience most physical sensation thing going on#it’s complicated#so complicated that 9/10 times he won’t even bother and will just rile someone else up and act all teasing and coy about it#miles vc what are you talking about ahah I’m not flirting ;) [rail me [don’t touch me I’ll cry and have a panic attack]]
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Super cool and healthy that the only way I can stomach having sex is getting so drunk I can hardly comprehend my surroundings.
#didn't happen today or recently but will again soon#it's a strategic game of timing my drinks around when I know they'll want to fuck#'they' is not one person obviously...#things aren't great in my head lol#I would have called myself a sex-neutral ace until the whole 'getting raped multiple times by my boss' thing#now I've got trauma and self-loathing#'just say no' well yeah we see how that turned out for me huh#easier to just be giggly and compliant#makes it less painful#keep small packets of lube in your purse and apply shortly beforehand so they don't know you're dry as a bone#focus on feelings and sensations everywhere else#let the alcohol numb the sensation where it matters and pay attention to the texture of the sheets#makes it easy... makes it go by quickly... don't look at the clock#I hope [name] knows he ruined me#I think he'd like that
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the only good thing about my job is that every now and then my coworkers will mention something about trauma that describes me that i didn't know i experienced due to cptsd and then i get to subtly be like OHH ✍️✍️📝 okay that's why im like that
#for example today i learnt that apparently emotional numbness can be a trauma ptsd thing#and there can be a sense of trying to feel just. Something#and this was in relation to horror movie watching#and i was like -_- dat me.#but yeah! really interesting stuff. seeking out things just to feel something#i knew i did that i just didn't know that it was a trauma thing#makes sense though#paired with my high scores of excitement seeking - reckless foolhardy and even highly dangerous behaviour#and my clinically low levels of harm avoidance (avoiding danger)#as according to my neo results#kinda makes sense#going out an purposefully doing shit either Specifically Because it's dangerous#or doing it because. hey what else have i got going on. at least this will give me that butterfly stomach swooping feeling that i crave#it all kinda adds up#and it's not until after that I look back and go huh. that..... probably wasn't very safe#ehh oh well!#kinda thing#mine
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I'm at the advanced stage of burn out where it's just full on trauma and I truly don't think many ppl can understand what it's like. and what it does to your brain and your ability to live normally. it's unexplainable.
#i dont feel human#i have no energy#i have no desire to do anything or try very hard#im filled with anxiety constantly bc im terrified its going to be this way forever#my brain has a hard time thinking coherent thoughts#or knowing how to respond#i work off mainly scripts#i also have inhibited grief#from going through so many traumatic moments and not gaving time to properly grieve or mourn#so i suppressed all of that and now my emotions about most things are numb#i can only cry if im forced into an anxiety/panic attack#truly just been hating being alive for yrs now#I always felt every emotion 100x louder and harder than everyone else#it exhausted me...#it wore me down to nothing#i had to numb myself from them in order to survive them
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#🔭.txt#do anyone else’s fingers get sharp pains when exposed to cold or is that just another me thing#i love the cold but god i’m so bad at handling it#better than heat though#the heat crumples me like a soda can#gives me horrendous migraines#the cold is more bearable but that’s a low bar#like sure my head won’t hurt (unless it’s below freezing and i’m in contact with a cold object for a while)#but here’s what DOES happen:#when exposed to cold air or water my skin will turn red and often itchy#and the itchiness will get worse as soon as i start warming up again#the exposed areas will also be extremely sensitive to warmth to the point where touching lukewarm water hurts#my extremities (toes and fingers) will swell and also turn red/purpleish regardless of how many layers i’m wearing and will often go numb#sometimes my skin will get itchy even if i’m fully covered#cold air stings but i think everyone experiences that#i used to break out in rashes when getting into cold water but i don’t know if that still happens#i only remember the rashes appearing on my legs and i haven’t gone swimming in years so who knows#i also remember being like 7 and getting bumps on my face when playing outside on a snowy day#uhhhhh what else#i have shit thermoregulation just in general so my body temperature will plummet#a fun little trick i’ve been showing people since noticing it in ~8th grade was that my hands would rapidly get as cold as the air#and often feel even colder than the ambient air temperature#the threshold temperature for my hands to start swelling is about 16°c but i have to be exposed for a while#in near freezing temperatures my hands will get red and swollen mere minutes after stepping outside. even in gloves#anyway part of this is cold urticaria but who knows what the rest is#poor blood circulation probably
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the craziest thing is even w this breakup i still feel like this is sooo my year ilke i have never been sentient and awake like this until 2024
#like yeah im sad but this is infinitely better than any other time in my life#generally speaking#which is a good thing#also im thining about it and i know tis partly just cuz the weahter was better#but like im sooo tired of mourning her#like im bored of it. and im finally starting to think ill get over her like shes just starting to feel like a dream now#but i dont know if thatll change if i see her again#i actually did see her this week and i think we made eye contact but i went to my phone and so did she#usually i try to say hi but every time i do she becomes so awkward like she would much rather be anywhere else than looking at me#and i think ive realized my issue isnt that were broken up entirely. its that i dont think she wants to even try to be somewhat normal abou#the situation#like im thinking about and i think this is whats hurting me the most now that weve broken up#cuz like yeah she still says hi if i say hi first but its like the way she holds herself and the way she looks anywhere but at me once she#realizes im existing in front of her#and it makes me SO sad and ruins my day every time i wave hi and she does that thing so thats why i decided not to wave hi that time#and i did cry a little but honestly it was like i felt so numb#i think the only reason i cried was cuz my brain saw an opportunity to cry and think about the breakup#but other than that i dont think i actually felt much of anything like the crying felt super forced#which i think is a good sign#but yeah i think my issue at this point now is just that like she isnt even trying to act normal and i get it like how do you act normal yk#but like at the very least i feel like if you could just act normal when you wave hi to me would be fine you know.#like its not that big of a deal just say hi and then we go our separate ways. we dont need to do that whole 'ohhh lala looking around OH ha#didnt see you there! um ok hi. ok time to look away'#and its not like she DOESNT say hi when i say hi to her. its just teh way she holds herself#like she wants to pretend we dont know each other. idk how to explain it#cuz if i say hi she still says hi but she justlooks at me like she wants me to be invisible#yeah anyway all of this to say i think im doing better maybe
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#I keep trying to cry it out but I'm so fucking numb#permanently disassociated and I can't control when it stops so sometimes I'm just at work and suddenly I'm back in my body and remember how#awful everything is and is going to be and I have to hold it in so tightly so no one knows I'm unraveling#until I go numb again and then I can't feel anything#I know my brain is just trying to protect me from the trauma but I'm so out of control#I can't control whats happening to me and I'm not in control of myself#everything hurts all the time#my skin hurts#my jaw hurts#my spine hurts#I'm so fucking tired I can't even sleep more than 45 mins at a time without waking up in a blind panic#my nights are just a bunch of micro naps and I'm losing my grip on reality#things I think have happened and I mention them and everyone looks at me weird and I have to laugh it off like “oh lol must have been a#dream“ while I'm sitting there panicking cause I don't remember what's real and what isn't and what hasn't happened#did I mention I'm having to navigate the healthcare market during all this as well as manage and remember all my upcoming appointments?#I know I'm going to have a psychotic break I just don't know when exactly so I can't plan for it#maybe if I'm institutionalized it will be better because I won't have to do everything by myself#someone else can make my appointments and apply for insurance and subsidies and all I have to do is cry about getting this surgery#no more jobs or anything all I gotta do is focus on not dying#at this point I'm hoping it happens soon because having to hold it together for everyone elses sake sucks#I'm surrounded by support but I've never felt so alone#why do I have to be strong for everyone? why can't I let myself cry? why am I not allowed to lament my situation but everyone else is?#all I hear is how hard it is for everyone else to go through seeing me like this#and I'm over here like.. bro uh imagine how I feel maybe?#like you're not the fucking people who will be crippled and on a liquid diet for months with a breathing tube and feeding tube#you're not the one who has to survive 8 hours of surgery and then an 11 day hospital stay#I have nothing. I am so fucking alone.
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whyyy do i botherrrrr
#i've been home for like. an hour.#she's already ignored me while i was speaking [huge trigger for me that we talk about constantly].#made a joke at the expense of my trauma.#and told me i looked bad in the new clothes i got that i was super excited about.#AND she was late [admittedly not by a lot so i don't wanna be dramatic about it. it's just that when you add it in with everything else it-#does sting a bit more.] because she was chatting with the same friends she talks to all day every day because they're doing this like.#text based 24/7 dnd campaign thing.#which has already stopped us from going on two planned outings that she just.#said for two or three weeks now ''oh my gosh i'm so sorry i forgot i said i'#d do that!! next weekend for sure.''#then just. stopped even mentioning it.#why do i bother.#every time i start trying to be affectionate with her again and think things might be healing up a little.#every time i start trying to push down my hurt over the small stuff like the ignoring me when i try to talk.#it starts getting worse.#it's like she takes my affection as a sign she can start being outwardly cruel again.#i wonder if i keep cuddling up to her if she'll fucking assault me again.#probably.#the sad thing is i don't even care really.#i think about it and imagine it happening and i just feel numb.#—peter#bite.txt
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vent in tags
#💕#sometimes i think im thbe bad person in all of this#because ahy else would i he continuously suffering like this#why ekse would bad things jeeo haooening to me#why does ny shitty ex get to have friends that sant to hang out with him and talk to hi#why doe she get to take my best friend grom me#why foes he get consequences#i miss them so much i think i ciuld tolerate everything if they just dtayed witj ne#my entiee past just died everything good nd everything bad#and i mias thm ao much it's kikling me#i bet they don't cry over me niw as much i do them#i dont actually wan t to die i just feel like im rubning out of options#I'm fighting and pushing nysekf way out of my comfort zone yo make friends and it's all fruitless#my hands and face afe numb from crying so much#i wish i could go back in time to 2020 and remember what it's like to be happy
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#elias.zip#sorry all I've been lately is a fucking piece of shit and thr maot disgusting thing to ever grace earth. i feel so numb. nothings going righ#t. this job thing is fucking me up so bad and it shouldn't and other people in my life have it worse and im complaining about nothing and#struggling over nothing and im so tried I don't want to call back. i don't want to take the offer#i jsut want to go back to sleep. sleep. sleep. sleep. sleepsleepsleepsleep. sleep till 5 p.m. est and then go right back to sleep. i dont wa#nt to do anything. nothings going to work out for me. the one thing that i know would make my life better is never going to happen because I#cant do anything right and its gonna get noticted soon enough and I'll be alone again and isolated. I'm so fucking isolated. i just want a#community I feel a part of. i just want anything. why dont i get to be happy. haven't i suffered enough? haven't i given enough?? i don't kn#ow what else I'm supposed to give up. my skin? my flesh? my heart? my ribs? what do you want. What do i need to do to be free?#why is it so much easier for everyone and why am i so fucking broken. you can't fix me. might as well throw mw away!!#peopel dont want me. jobs dont want me. my family doesn't want me. no one does. i ruin all my friendships and i can't be normal and good and#i always always fuck everything up. it's always me that ruins something.#I should just take the job and shut up
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Yxxxxxx
#Yooo im sad#had so many I get it now moments#do u start actually getting and realizing it now#that things are not good and need to change#maybe it’s just a depressives episode#trigger by obvious things#but the shit with my dad is heavy now#damn lots of rechtschreibfehler cause my phone cannot follow my use of English#also got sad because I didn’t have the I’m going to move into a new apartment and will decorate it the way *I* want#moment yet#nothing makes me happy right now#I numbed down so much I actually hope I’m going to cry and griefe and turn my life around a little cause it‘s getting a little unbearable#maybe I just need a few days away from here#a few weeks#so where else#no thoughts#just being#and therapy#not even skz is giving me good feelings so I’m actually say#sad#I despise getting older a lot rn#I feel like I’m missing out so much#and I already did
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