#for me as a teacher for professional development and work days

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

Last day of new teacher orientation tomorrow and I had better get my questions answered tomorrow or I’m gonna explode

[the-twitchy-life]

Disability pride... year?

This year when my contract came up for renewal at work, I went to my boss and asked for something I wanted- a thoroughly reasonable accommodation, so reasonable they'd already offered it to me this last year, and I was just asking to make it official for next year. I asked for all my vacation and personal days to be used as sick days.

The difference is that I don't have to give any warning before I use sick days- vacation and personal days they want a week or more's notice. A sick day can be taken whenever you need it, with as much notice as you can give (even if that's only 10 minutes).

This seems small- asking for what I've already been given. But it's the first time I've ever asked an employer for ANYTHING related to my disability.

Usually I bend over backwards to make myself less-inconvenient, less-bothersome, less-visible. I don't want to remind people that I'm disabled, lest they decide they don't want to deal with me and my disability anymore.

And I got it! My boss said of course, in fact this works great for us, we're happy to have you! The thing that was scary for me was no big deal to her.

So... may this be the year that you get a chance to self-advocate, and may your wishes, whether large or small, also be granted.

[inkskinned]

when i wrote this 2 years ago, i put in the tags the other thing that was happening: right before covid, i had changed my tune. instead of telling my students here is what you can't write, i asked them to please choose something that brought them joy. choose something beautiful. in college, i am not looking for a specific topic, there is no "winning" the essay, i am just making sure that you know how to format an essay and accurately cite your sources.

the world is pretty bleak right now, and many of my 19 year old kids are full of anger. my brother and i are teachers at the same time, but he is a professor in engineering. our colleges are owned by the same person. he calls me, frustrated, because he just got a student out of crisis, and now the financial aid office has sent the student right back into hell again. we talk about the administration being useless. we talk about feeling useless. we both say: i wish there was more i could do, but -

the world is pretty bleak right now, and i asked my kids to write about joy, because i couldn't stomach what is unsaid in the above post: kids were writing too much about gun violence. they were writing about blood smeared across the hallways of their middle schools. i would get essays about how they huddled under a desk while the bell rang around them, this strange and eerie tune. one of the only times i told my siblings out loud i love you was while we had an active shooter. i was locked in a friend's room up in a dorm while we all huddled around unwashed pastel dollar-store bowls. we called our families and loved ones. what else was there to do.

i couldn't read any more of those accounts. how cowardly.

i wish i could say i was braver, that i heard the weight of what they were handling and was able to bear it, but it adds up. i had 50 to 100 students. every semester, at least 3 of them would have visceral memories of a school shooting. their friends and neighbors and loved ones. their hands shaking around their phone as they type out this message might be my last one. i couldn't read that and stay calm. i had to call my mom. sob to my therapist - how the fuck do i resolve that. how do i help them? we both still have to go to school in the morning - me and my students. how am i supposed to just read that and then go on and teach them about prepositions? i can't even promise they won't ever have to experience that again. i feel like we're just waiting for trauma and instead i'm showing them how to keep their commas in the right place. how the fuck do either of us navigate that space?

i forget it can be different. a few years ago, a series of roof tiles fell off our building and made a loud scattered popping noise when they met the ground. i remember the strange accidental culture shock: most of my students went quiet and flattened to the floor; i leapt up and & turned off the lights & shoved my desk against the door. there were three kids who hadn't been raised in america. i remember the look on their faces; shocked and confused, nervously laughing because they hadn't assumed a threat. the gentle hands of their american friends helping them get down; shushing in a way i can only describe as kind, sympathetic. one of my students whispered you get used to it.

how can i see how they are suffering and then still ask them such an incredibly selfish request: please just write something about love, about joy, about something that reminds you of passion.

i get novels in return. technically, i have a page limit, but i never enforce it. every semester, students are delighted by the prospect. i get essays about being a dog show judge and about the history of the throw rug and about how prismacolor chooses certain paints. about glitter controversies and about their favorite albums and their role models who helped them come out as gay. students came in with visuals and little movies they made. they would go above and beyond just to ask their heroes i have this assignment. will you tell me about what joy means to you? i have records of interviews from writers and tv producers and youtube stars. i hear stories about tracking down the recipe for their grandmother's soup and making bread with their uncle and learning about dance from other cultures. they put their whole heart into it.

i said: this is just for your freshman english class! you do not have to try this hard! i am just one teacher in a million!

my students looked up to me, coated in the viscera and insincerity of their lives; this harrowing space so slick with their own mortality, their childhoods never awarded to them. they do not have the same promise of future. they have never assumed they would live forever. love is not in an arrow-speared heart for them; it has always been too fleeting to tattoo. if they catch it, they release it back into the wild, horrified by how little territory it has left. they wish it well but do not keep it for long. they have always been aware of the cost of their own body.

and they said: it brings me joy, which means it's time well spent.

something about that. something about the fact they can find it anyway: i wish i could write each of them my own essay, and it will be full of all the words you're not supposed to use. ribs and teeth and middle fingers. i wish they related to that, that in their heart were only poems about falling asleep and soft blankets and galaxies. every rainbow peony cliche. i wish i could hold their hand and push the desk in front of the door and say: i got you now. it's gonna be okay.

i wasn't supposed to write about roses or blood or silver, about hearts or wings or galaxies; my teacher used to press her hands, firmly, to the top of our poetry stacks and beg us - love different. she was bored of it. i'd go home and write something with each of her off-limits words, emboldened by spite.

for a stint of time, i was a reader for a poetry magazine, shifting through thousands of submitted writings, each hopefully printed onto my tiny laptop screen for next-submission-viewing. one editor had a pile where we would put all the poems with parsnips or cauliflower, one pile for long-thin emergency rants that devolved into a blank scream, one pile for mentions of belladonna and chartreuse - for a whole year, i'd go to bed hearing chartreuse and silver and cities playing in my head in calligraphy. every three months, the beautiful public eye would become just-fascinated by pretty things. unusual, beautiful monstrosities. one winter, all about daises. the next, a fascination with posies. i watched the world spin from catching love in language to the same five phrases - help, it's ending, i'm alone, help, it's dark here, come home, help -

later, as an english teacher, i saw patterns. every semester, one million essays about four specific things. it wasn't pretty enough to be a teachable moment: the content they wanted to discuss was all extremely violent; a broken anthem of climate change and constantly being videoed is destroying us. i would wake up shaking, worried their visions were prophetic, soon-to-be-true. selfish, i couldn't handle the constant semester-to-semester panic they scribbled into six paragraphs, MLA-formatted text. read the world is ending fifty times every month; sob to your therapist i'm not doing enough, tell your students: please, no more violence, i don't have the right stomach.

each one seemed the same poem: we're dying, and nobody is coming to save us.

there are very few celebration poems these days. i want to rest my hand on a stack of poems about love in big red wings. love in a jacket, standing under an open galaxy. love written on the bicep, in an anatomically correct heart, with an arrow shot through the center so you can see the pink viscera of surviving a wound - so you know that even permanent tattoos are permeable. blood on the snout of a newborn lamb. silver rings around the pink scales of a pigeon's leg, and love with her hand around the ribs of a bird. i want to read boring essays about lunch. about which video games run the best graphics. about carnivals. about love in big cliche terms: standing in a garden of parsnips, clutching daises to her chest, eating raw meat over the body of a rich man.

i want to open the poetry magazine and have pages of sonnets about bluebells. about survival. about a mundane, beautiful spring. about sitting with your dog on a front porch, writing without spite, happily toying with the idea of ice cream.

my student sends me an email. i know you said to write about what brings you joy. but nothing really makes me happy these days. i don't know what i'm doing.

[janeyseymour]

All To Myself

requested by @schemmentisbaby

Summary: Your little girl is getting ready to go to Abbott- not that your wife's coworkers know.

WC: ~3.6k

Melissa Schemmenti, second grade teacher at Abbott Elementary, your wife, and mother to your beautiful little girl: Grace Marie. Melissa Schemmenti, a woman who rarely talks about herself, so all that her coworkers know about her is that she’s married- and even then, she wishes they didn’t know that. It’s not that she has anything to hide or like she’s ashamed of you, but after growing up the way that she did, she’s learned that keeping her mouth shut about personal information is probably for the best. The fact that people know she’s a Schemmenti holds enough weight as it is.

Your wife has been able to keep it quiet that she has a little girl due to the fact that while she is present on Facebook, and so are you, there are very few people that she has on there. The only people that she’s so graciously allowed to friend her on that social media app are you, her family (yes, Kristen Marie included), and one Mrs. Barbara Howard. Those that are present on your social media aren’t aware of the weight that your last name now holds, having grown up just outside of Philly in the suburbs. So when you post images or updates on how your life is going, it doesn’t much matter, and Melissa doesn’t mind.

The second grade teacher has been relatively successful at keeping the personal and professional lives from mixing. That is going to change though, because Gracie is getting ready to head into kindergarten at none other than Willard R. Abbott Elementary School.

“Hun,” you sigh to your wife quietly as the two of you begin to grasp the fact that Grace is going to be attending your wife’s workplace.

“I just didn’t think it was going to be happening so soon,” Melissa mumbles. “I mean, it’s like she was born yesterday, and now she’s getting ready to enter kindergarten.”

“You’re telling me,” you chuckle. “I feel like we were hearing her heartbeat for the first time, and now we’re getting ready to send our baby to school.”

“Jesus, we’re gettin’ old.”

As it turns out, Grace is more than excited to be heading to school- she’s so excited to see the place where her mother works, and she can’t wait to be a big kid. And luck just so has it that your daughter is placed in her Aunt Barbie’s class.

“I get to be with Aunt Barbie all day?!” Grace squeals out with excitement when you tell her who her kindergarten teacher is.

You can’t help but chuckle at how precious she is. “You do, but at school she’s Mrs. Howard, yeah?”

Your little girl nods her head with enthusiasm. “When do I get to go?”

“School starts in two weeks, but Mommy goes in next week,” Melissa tells your little girl at the dinner table. “And on that Wednesday, they have a special night for kindergarteners to meet their teachers and get familiar with the school.”

“I can’t wait for school!”

“Oh, but I can,” your wife grumbles so that only you can hear her.

The day before Melissa goes back to Abbott for professional development days, she’s a bit more moody than usual. Because of this, your little girl spends most of the day with you. The redhead is stressed beyond belief trying to ensure that she has everything packed into her car to take to the school for the new year. She’s focusing on meal prepping so she can just grab things and go. Her outfit for whatever reason is stressing her out more than it usually would.

“Honey,” you mumble as she stands in your closet staring at all of her shirts. You wrap your arms around her waist and set your chin on her shoulder before kissing her neck gently. She hums as she leans into your affections.

“What has you so worked up tonight?” you prod gently. “Usually you don’t care what you wear to work.”

“I just… these are the last few days where my coworkers will see me as just Melissa, not Grace’s mother,” she admits. “Reminds me I’m gettin’ older.”

“We are getting older,” you remind her. “But that just means that we’re one step closer to retirement, to having a beautiful daughter to take care of us, more years of love under our belt.”

Your wife sighs softly and cranes her neck to look at you. “How do you always know what to say to help calm me down?”

“We’ve been married for years,” you chuckle. “Practice.”

The next morning, Grace cannot for the life of her understand why she doesn’t get to go with Melissa to her new school. She’s gotten herself dressed and ready, adorned with the backpack that is just about the size of her, and her new sparkly shoes.

“Mi amore,” your wife sighs as she kneels down to pull your daughter into a hug. “Mommy has to go do boring things at the school. Trust me when I tell you, you would rather stay with Momma and play at home for these last few days.”

“But I want you!” your little girl pouts. “I want Aunt Barbie!”

“And you’ll get me tonight,” Melissa tries to placate. “And I will talk to Aunt Barbie and see if she can come over today after work to play for a little bit, how does that sound?”

That seems to satisfy your daughter who comes bouncing over to you. She curls into your arms as your wife makes her way out the door.

At work, the redhead is happy to see her work wife, but she isn’t necessarily thrilled to be back at work for the school year.

“I saw Gracie’s name on my list for this year,” Barbara whispers to her friend when she’s certain no one else can hear.

“She’s real excited to have you as her kindergarten teacher,” Melissa chuckles softly. “She’s asking for you already. I told her I would see if you could come over after work today.”

“She’ll be sick of me by the end of this year,” the kindergarten teacher laughs.

Green eyes are rolled. “I doubt that. I’m fairly certain my kid loves you more than she loves me or Y/N.”

“You know your little girl has the most love for her mothers,” Barb smirks. “And then of course for Aunt Barbie. I’ll be there.”

“And I’m going to need every hand on deck for kindergarten orientation on Wednesday,” Ava announces. “This is the biggest class to come through Abbott since the 90s.”

“No can do,” Melissa states in front of everyone. “Have business I need to take care of, and it ain’t like you’re payin’ me.” She shoots her boss a look that dares her to challenge.

The principal quirks her lips to the side before rolling her eyes and sighing loudly. “Every hand on deck except for Red Hot.”

After the workday is done, the kindergarten and second grade teachers make their way back to your house. You and your little girl are sitting in the living room reading a book when you hear the front door open and close. All thoughts of the game are abandoned when Gracie jumps to her feet and goes to the door as fast as her little legs will take her. She launches herself at Melissa, who catches her with ease. Then she’s throwing herself at Barbara, who has just barely kneeled down to embrace her.

“How’s my baby girl?” Barbara asks as she kisses your daughter’s head.

Your little girl soaks up the attention. “Good! I want to go to school though.”

“Well, that comes next week, but I’m sure Mommy’s told you about how you’ll get to come see my classroom in a few days.” When Grace nods with excitement, Barbara continues. “And I know at home I’m Aunt Barbie, but at school I have to be Mrs. Howard. Think you can remember that for me, baby?”

“Pinky swears,” your daughter holds out her pinky with a grin.

“That’s my girl,” the kindergarten teacher smiles as she links pinkies with your little girl. “Now, what are we going to do today?”

Come Wednesday, after a long day of professional development in the morning and prepping for open house on Thursday, Melissa comes home to you and your excitable daughter.

“Mommy!” Grace goes running over to the front door, abandoning her station to help you prepare dinner.

“Mi amore,” your wife sighs happily as she lifts your daughter to her hip. “My beautiful girl.”

Grace giggles incessantly as the teacher pecks her cheeks continuously. Then your wife is making her way over to you.

“My gorgeous wife,” she whispers as she kisses you softly. “You’re the best.”

“I’m making your favorite,” you tell her quietly as you lean in to kiss her again.

Grace makes a face at your affections. “Ew, moms. Stop kissin’!”

The two of you roll your eyes in a playful manner. “You know I just love your momma so much,” Melissa laughs that low laugh that you find irresistible. She kisses you again.

“Are you ready to go see Aunt Barbie and your new school?” the redhead asks gently as she sets your daughter back down on the chair you have pulled up to the counter.

“Mrs. Howard,” Grace corrects with a toothy smile as she picks up the spoon to begin mixing the salad again.

Melissa rolls her eyes and pokes your daughter in the belly. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

After dinner, your family makes their way down to Abbott. Grace clings to your hand the entire time. At the thought of going to a new school, she was excited. But now that the time is upon her, she’s nervous.

“It’ll all be okay, Gracie girl,” Melissa promises. “You know Mommy wouldn’t work here or let you go here if it wasn’t a good place to be.”

That seems to settle your daughter’s nerves just slightly, but she still remains close to you.

You and Grace walk in and head right to the little check in, knowing immediately where to go. Barbara just smiles and checks off your daughter’s name before greeting your wife who is trailing a few paces behind.

“Melissa!” you hear the boisterous voice of the principal of the school. “You said you wasn’t coming!”

Your wife just rolls her eyes and shrugs. “What can I say?”

The incoming class of kindergarteners are ushered into the gym for a quick presentation of teachers that they might come across throughout the school year. Of course, Barbara is up on the stage with all of the kindergarten teachers, but so is your wife and the rest of her work crew, as well as some other staff members that she rarely mentions.

Once that’s over with, they begin to move the children down to the classrooms that they’ll be spending most of their time in for the year. Grace takes your hand gently and guides you towards the correct line.

Abbott is a special school, you can see that just by walking through the halls. It’s filled with artwork from students, there are several plaques with various award titles on them, the teachers who are helping to guide students around are warm. Aside from the odd lingering smell, you can understand why Melissa works here and has worked here for years. 

Your wife lingers in the room under the guise of just helping out her work wife- it makes sense to the rest of the staff that she would go with Barbara. Grace finds her desk with ease, knowing all of the letters in her name. She squeals with happiness when she sees the few little goodies that Mrs. Howard left on the students’ desks.

“Momma,” your little girl tugs on your shirt. “Sit with me?”

You oblige her request with a smile, settling in her chair before pulling her on top of you. Grace brightens and gives your wife a thumbs up before beginning to color the princess page Barbara had placed there. You can’t help but press a soft kiss to your girl’s temple before looking up at your wife with a smile. She’s absolutely precious. Melissa tries to hide the fact that she was sneaking a picture of the two of you, but it’s no use. Her cheeks tint just slightly red before shrugging her shoulders with a bashful smile.

The rest of your daughter’s class settles in and is allowed to color for a few moments while Barbara and Melissa chat with parents- no doubt answering questions that will surely be answered within the next few minutes.

Your wife’s boss makes her way into the classroom, and she eyes the redhead warily before teasing her. “I shoulda known you’d find your way into Barb’s classroom.”

“Well, she is-”

“I don’ care,” Ava states. She turns to scan the room, and her eyes immediately land on you. She winks.

You have to fight to roll your eyes. It’s funny that she chose you to focus in on, but it will be even funnier when she realizes that she just hit on her shadiest teacher’s wife.

Before the principal can say anything too out of line, Barbara claps her hands together and begins her spiel about herself as a teacher, the classroom that the students will be in, and the school itself.

Grace seems more than content to sit in your lap and color quietly while Melissa nods along to the things that her work wife is saying. She knows it all already, but it’s nice hearing what will be expected of your little girl while she’s in Barb’s classroom.

“And now, while the parents are filling out the paperwork necessary for the beginning of the school year, I figured I might take the students on a walking tour of the areas in the school that they’ll be in,” the kindergarten teacher explains with a clap of her hands. “So, we’re going to practice lining up and walking in the hallways like big kindergarteners.”

She manages to line up the entire class quietly before walking them out the door with Melissa. You sigh and begin to quietly fill out the paperwork for your little girl. It’s a while before you hear footsteps come back into the room, just as you’re getting ready to write down Melissa’s name under the second guardian spot. When you look up, you expect to see Barbara, your wife, and the students in tow. Instead, it’s Ava again, and she’s looking directly at you- you can practically feel her eyes on you.

“Does anybody have any questions about Abbott?” the principal asks.

A few hands go up, but she blatantly ignores them. She points to you. “What about you, angel face?”

Your brow goes up. “I think I’m all good, but thank you.”

“Surely you can’t know everything there is to know about this school,” Ava frowns. “You have to have at least one question.”

“Not that I can think of,” you tell her. If you do think of a question, you doubt she’ll know the answer to it anyway.

“Is that little girl of yours your first one to go through Abbott?”

You nod. “But I know all about this school.”

“Oh?” Ava smirks. “You did your research?”

Instead of telling her that your wife is Melissa, you just nod. Sure, you had done your research and asked your wife about the building, but you know the ins and outs of this school- the things that go on behind the scenes. 

You think that’s the end of the conversation and start to write “Mrs.”, but she makes her way further into the room, and she stands over you sitting at a student desk.

“Where’s the wife?” Ava asks you as she leans against the desk. She drapes a gentle hand over your wrist. “Because I know someone as fine as you has one.”

You look up to her with a smirk before beginning to write down Melissa’s name.

Almost comically, the principal gasps and her hands fly to her mouth. She stands straight up. “You ain’t telling me Melissa is your wife, are you?!”

With impeccable timing, Melissa walks back into the classroom with Barbara and the kindergarteners. 

“I am,” is all your wife states as she folds her arms over her chest and stares down her boss. “Why? You got something to-”

“Bye, y’all,” Ava runs out of the classroom as quickly as she had come in.

Barbara just looks to you with the silent question of if the principal was flirting with you, and you nod subtly.

Your wife sees red for a split second before she makes her way over to you with your daughter and wraps her arm around the top of your shoulders.

“Idiot,” Melissa grumbles as she plants a kiss to the top of your head. “Flirting with my wife like that.”

You reach up a hand and lay yours gently over hers. “She didn’t know because you didn’t tell her.”

“‘Cause she has no business knowin’ about my personal life,” your wife mutters.

“She will now,” you remind her. “Grace is goin’ here now, and you know that Ava’s gonna open her mouth about it the first chance she gets.”

“Which will be once everyone is out of the school, and we somehow get corralled into helping break everything,” Melissa rolls her eyes.

It’s a bit of time before Ava makes the announcement that all families should head out of the building to allow the teachers to get home for the night. But when you think that Melissa is going to try to book it out of there as quickly as possible, she begins to help her work wife straighten up her classroom.

You know that the two of them are quite close, but it is something else to see them working together in silence. It’s like how you and Melissa work- in sync, with ease, naturally.

And then the rest of the group begins to come in, asking questions before they even fully enter the room to see you and your little girl sitting quietly on the carpet reading a book together. Okay, you’re reading, but Grace is touching each word as you read.

You pause your reading as the boisterous group comes in. Their eyes immediately go to you, and they halt their questioning.

“I’m sorry,” a shorter woman, who you can only assume is Janine, speaks quietly. “I didn’t realize you still had a student in the room.”

“They’re fine,” Melissa cuts in before anyone else can say anything. “They’re with me.”

Gregory furrows his brow. “Why would they-”

“Melissa Schemmenti, when the hell was you goin’ to tell us you have a daughter that was going to come to Abbott?!” the principal yells as she struts in. “And that your wife was fine as-” She cuts herself off at the challenging look green eyes give her.

“They’re with me because that’s my wife and my daughter,” the redhead points to the two of you. “Gracie, come say hi to Mommy’s friends.”

Your little girl jumps out of your lap and runs over to your wife, who lifts her onto her hip with ease. “I’m Gracie, and I’m five!” she holds out an entire hand for emphasis. Her smile is enough to melt their hearts.

“Oh, Mel Mel, she’s so cute,” Jacob grins as he high fives your daughter.

“Mi amore,” Melissa jerks her head for you to come over.

“Y/N,” you smile that charming smile of yours as you wrap an arm around the Melissa. “Mrs. Schemmenti, if you will.”

“How the hell didn’t we know about this now?” Mr. Johnson wrinkles his nose. “That’s a load of bull… trash.”

Emerald eyes are rolled. “Because the boss don’t look at the rosters to know who’s comin’ in.”

“I did!”

“Did you?” Janine narrows her eyes as she looks to the principal. 

Ava looks offended. “So what if I did or did not? Overseeing an entire school is hard! It ain’t my fault Melissa never told us she had a daughter!”

“You didn’t tell them about me?” Grace frowns, and she looks a bit wounded by that knowledge.

“Mommy just wanted you all to herself,” your wife promises as she dots a few kisses along your daughter’s hairline.

That seems to placate your daughter, who snuggles right back up to the redhead before yawning. “Aunt Barbie is my teacher.”

“She is,” you chuckle as you smooth down a few of her wild locks. “But at school she’s Mrs. Howard, remember?”

“Mrs. Howard is my teacher,” your little girl yawns out.

“I think it’s about time we head home,” Melissa chuckles softly. She looks to you. “Are you about ready t’head out?”

You nod and grab your purse from where Grace will be sitting next Monday. “Well, it was really nice to finally meet you all,” you chuckle out. “I know she’s in good hands here at Abbott.”

The group seems to have more questions for the redhead that is quickly escorting you out, but she ignores them and ushers you out.

Just as you’re leaving, Ava shouts down the hallway, “Girl, don’t think we ain’t talkin’ ‘bout how youse are milfs tomorrow!”

There’s a loud chorus of “Ava!” that can be heard right after. You have to hide the smile. You’re already well aware that your wife is hot.

“Momma?” Grace looks to you with curious eyes.

“Yeah baby?” you ask.

“What’s a milf?”

“Ava is dead tomorrow,” your wife grumbles.

“You love your boss, and your coworkers,” you remind her.

Melissa sighs heavily. “They’re freakin’ lucky.”

TAGS: @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels--slut @sweetcheeksschemmenti @megamultifandomtrashposts @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1 @maybe-a-humanbean @imlike-so-gaydude @a-queen-and-her-throne @notinmyvocab @melanielaufeyson @dvrkhcld @cosmichymns @sasheemo @m1lflov3rrr @ricejucie @temilyrights @emilynissangtr @squinnchy @dopenightmaretyphoon @emeraldoceansstuff @shinyfaerielights  @blkmxrvel @marvelwomenrule @sarahjohannson @casualfoxwitch @babytakeittothehead

[yannaryartside]

CARMY NEVER WANTED TO CREATE A MENU WITH SYD.

AND WHY THAT IS THE CORE THEME OF THE SHOW

PART 1: THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIEVES

So, one of the bases of creating an efficient character arc is to give the character something they want, and something they need. In the pursuit of getting what they want, the theme of the show and obstacles will show them what they need. Most of the time, they need healing from an emotional wound that prevents them from growing into the ultimate version of themselves, capable of winning the challenges of the story. I will try to explore Carmy's wound and, more importantly, the lie that created that wound.

In 'The negative trait thesaurus" by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, it reads:

"Wounds are often kept secret from others because embedded within them is the lie-an untruth that the character believes about himself."

When I started therapy (disclaimer: this is not professional advice; I am just talking from how I interpreted all of this), I was introduced to the concept of "limiting beliefs:" lies we have told ourselves about our own nature or the nature of the world. The most difficult beliefs to leave behind are those established in our early childhoods, and we told ourselves those lies to make sense of the world, to make peace with realities we were not equipped to comprehend yet. 

Some examples of lies people belive:

"I am too stupid to learn anything; my teacher said so" "It was my fault that I was molested." "I am a bad person for wanting a different life."

When people believe these lies, they will act accordingly, maybe attracting situations that hurt them but keeping the lie active in their lives. They may self-sabotage or create bonds with people who also believe the lie, even if it doesn't seem this way. 

In some cases, people may develop complete personalities or behaviors to prove the lie wrong, but deep down, they still believe in the lie. Carmy falls into this last category. This is where we find the most contradictory parts of his personality, how he can act shy and insecure in some instances and appear confident and even aggressive in others. 

Long post underneath.

THE RESENT OF A MOTHER:

We can only assume here because I think Storer is gonna let us know more about this soon, but I think I got an idea of this wound when I saw the only moment Carmy was alone with Donna on "Fishes."

I have a lot of things to say about Donna herself, but let's begin with the obvious: the conversation in this scene had little to do with the dinner itself. This was a woman stating that she felt alone and not valued, probably due to being abandoned by her husband and having to overwork herself at the beef to support her 3 kids, all while being a single mother. We don't know if this feeling of abandonment is something she has carried since childhood, but in the state of current womanhood, it wouldn't be uncommon. The work of women (especially mothers), particularly the emotional labor, is rather invisible and not valued at all.

But again, this is something she has used as fuel to resent her kids, who, at the end of the day, didn't ask to be here. Her anger has to go somewhere since she cannot direct it toward the people that ctually caused it. To get to the point:

THE BEARZATTO SYBLING DYNAMIC

Carmy said, "You are not alone; I am here with you." (This kind of comes back to telling Syd she was not alone at the end of the season.) This scene is about a kid trying to communicate to his mother that he loves her and trying desperately to connect with her, to get her to express her affection for him as well.

It tells me that growing up, he felt like he had to "earn" her affection. Donna likes to make her kids feel guilty about her unhappiness, so the kids feel that they are constantly walking on shells because they think their mother hates them, or at least that she resents them and that it is their responsibility to fix it.

In the scene, Carmy asked,

"What is so hard, Mom?"

I think what he was actually asking is, "What is so hard about being with us, to love us? What did we do to you that made you resent us this way?" He is asking because he wants to know, to finally understand. Why do you drink, Mom? Why do you yell? Why do you say such hurtful things?

When she answers, "Nobody makes things beautiful for me," you can see in his face the disconnection. He knows he can't do anything about that.

Then, a crucial part in the scene occurs when Donna calls him "Michael, " which indicates that the only one of her children who could make her feel happy was Michael, or at least that is how the other two kids felt. You can see the hurt in Carmy's eyes in the scene because this answer dismisses his effort to connect to his mother in his own right. She asks him to just leave. He offers to wait to connect with her. Then, it comes to the most chilling moment on the scene, the "we have a problem" using his full name, with resentment in every word. She hugs him while crying, kisses him, and then slaps him.

This is rejection. There is a book called "The Five Wounds of the Soul": wich are Rejection, Abandonment, Humiliation, Betrayal, and Injustice. I think Carmy's wound is rejection, for never earning his mother's love, particularly comparing himself to Michael.

Michael took responsibility for the Beef, finally giving their mom a break. It was Michael's job to make sure everyone was having a good time, to compensate for the discomfort that caused being in Donna's presence, to make sure all of them stayed as a family, which was Donna's intention, so Michael thought he had to make that happen for her. Therefore, Michael is the only one of her kids who succeeds and makes her happy. We know Donna rejects Natalie and Carmy. About Natalie, we can write another whole essay.

THE LIE THAT CARMY BELIVES

According to this scene, I think Carmy thinks that her mother didn't love him because he is not Michael; in fact, he is the most "not like Michael" someone could be. He was shy and stuttered and didn't have friends or girlfriends, comparable to Michael's ability to control every room he was in. Carmy was sensible and no macho alfa as Michael presented himself to be. Carmy left home and the family business, and both Michael and Donna expressed that they feel like he thinks he is better than them. Michael admitted later to admiring Carmy's work in Copenhagen, but Donna never did. carmy grew up having to live with the crumbles of Donna's attention that Michael left behind, wondering every day what was so wrong with him that made her reject him, and wondering what he could do to change that.

The lie that Carmy belives, could be sumarize this way:

I need to earn people's love. I need to always go the extra mile, doing the most possible at all times to earn people's love.

This all goes back to his trauma with Michael. It goes back to his career as a chef and how he became the best. He didn't need to succeed on a larger scale in the culinary industry to earn Michael's respect and love; he needed to be the best in the world, so he did that. He judges his own social abilities, comparing them to Miachae's. He left that promising career only because of Michae's death. He got the girlfriend Michael wanted for him (not saying it was the only reason, but it was there).

PART 2: WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAD TO DO WITH SYDNEY?

Well, what does a person who feels they always need to do the most? They do the most. I want to bring you back to the moments Carmy had to develop menu ideas with Syd on s1 and s2.

When Syd suggested items for the menu in s1, he gave her an inconclusive, not enthusiastic "maybe."

When she had to actually cook the thing for him to approve, he tried to make her feel small about it. He felt the need to remind her that she was "impatient and green," according to her previous bosses. He commented about her possibly ruining the flow by using time to cook her recipe. Yikes all around, but the core here is that he was treating her like an enemy, like competition, while she was trying to save the restaurant with what they had on hand to use the most efficient solution.

Then, when Carmy tries the dish and feels stunned by it, he has to make an ambiguous excuse on the fly and just finishes every chance of them using the recipe by saying, "is not ready yet"

And what does he do next? He goes to show the crew a recipe that is extremely complicated for the level they are operating at currently—they said so themselves. I think the recipe is a variation of Donna's butter chicken recipe. To put a nail on that coffin of his intentions to earn her love and approval at the end of it all.

But why does he do all this? Because he needs to be the hero, subconsciously, he is still that small kid begging for acceptance and love; he must go the extra mile. He cannot accept Sydney's help and partnership, because that will take away from him earning what he wants on his own merit.

In S2, he seems unenthusiastic about starting the menu in the first place. Then Claire comes along, and he tries to make it work with Syd and the menu, but I think he subconsciously thanks the universe for not having to go to his core wound. That is what self-sabotage is. That is why he bailed on the food tour with Syd, using such a stupid excuse as helping somebody else move out and never mentioning it again. He never asked her what she liked or what ideas she thought of. For most of the creative process, Syd is alone, working on her own creative crisis. The menu ends up being like two recipes they made in collaboration and then all of his family's traditional recipes. It is two of Syd's recipes and the rest of Carmy's. Then, desserts Marcus did on his own. The collaboration was superficial at best.

All of this creates the core theme of the show. The Bear was once a chaotic place (like their childhood home) that needs to evolve into an efficient, peaceful place built on love, support, and mutual collaboration like a functional family should be. Sydney is the member of this found family that forces Carmy to confront his core wound and learn he can actually be good enough while still accepting help. Therapy probably will play an important part in this theme, alongside with Carmy learning there was nothing wrong with him in the first place, that earning your parent's love is not something a kid can do.

Thankyou for reading. Gif and images are not mine.

[mickules]

Or we'll give you a discount on your next visit; Guaranteed!

---

Well what a year that was. and rounding it out with the long awaited finale to the Mob Psycho 100 anime certainly was a much appreciated way to see it off.

Please let me ring in the new year by indulging in some some future musings of the Sprits and Such Consultation staff, past and present.

Serizawa got his high school diploma from night school with flying colours (his mother's very proud), but never graduated from working part time at Spirits and Such. Now that he has his compulsory education complete, he studies subjects he enjoys - discovering that he likes learning really, he just didn't like the kids at his middle school.

Mob, on the other hand, was never too academic but his passion for athletics continues to grow (along with his height, stopping just shy of Serizawa). After high school he goes on to be a non-sponsored semi-professional athlete, working all kinds of odd jobs in the off season. When things get a little too lean, he's always welcome back to the office on an adhoc basis.

Ritsu, ever the overachiever, pursues higher education. Studying to pass the bar (to Reigen's concern) at one of the top universities in the country. A university which Shou may or may not have manipulated into accepting him on as a veterinary student. Despite their different disciplines Shou regularly sneaks into Ritsu's lectures using those powers he 'won't use anymore'.

Teru has no qualms utilising his powers. In addition to his responsibilities as a middle school teacher and in demand private tutor, he runs special afterschool sessions for ESPer children. He aims to establish his own ESPer friendly school one day. He has attended every single one of Mob's competitions.

Tome continued to secretary throughout high school, wheedling her way onto more on location exorcisms. Documenting her many supernatural encounters blossomed into a thriving career as a paranormal investigator, debunking fake phenomena alongside Hoshida Origo as her cameraman and co-author. Her first book was sold exclusively through the 'Spirit's and Such' website.

Dimple becomes the only true full time employee at the office becoming the 'Spirit' to Reigen's 'and Such'. After his and Reigen's mutual possession Reigen developed an ability to call out to Dimple as a means of summoning him. Meaning even when Dimple is enjoying his time visiting Mob, he can get the obnoxious equivalent of a spectral phone call when Reigen encounters a real spook. Dimple delights in ignoring such calls until the very last minute.

Reigen finds out, after a truly mortifying display at the now annual 'Spirits and Such New Year's Hike and Afterparty', that he is missing the enzyme needed to break down alcohol.

Happy New Year

[kbandtrash]

Less Than Three (Hongjoong x Reader)

~Rachel~

@sorryimananti-romantic hahaha remember how I said I was the slowest writer ever? Apparently that's not true because it only took me a month and a half to write this. I need help

Content: fluff, a whole lot of delusional one-sided pining (the cute kind though) (from him), silly middle school antics from both teachers and students, betting, friends to lovers

Summary: Kim Hongjoong teaches middle school math and finds himself absolutely smitten with you, the math department's newest hire. You're the last person to find out.

Note: This is set in an American-style middle school because that's where my teaching experiences have been and I figured my best work would come out of the system I'm most familiar with

Word Count: 11.5k

Why did Hongjoong choose middle school?

He asks himself this question every day as well

If he wanted to be a math teacher, high school was clearly a better option

But no he had started out in a middle school, promising to take a high school position as soon as one opened up

And now he was actively avoiding high school principals that wanted to recruit him

Is it because he found out the math is easier to explain and the kids really aren’t that bad?

Yeah sure

But this year he had another reason to stay

See his math department had a position open up this summer and as he got to take part in interviews to select a new hire

He fell in love

Now that was not the whole reason he advocated to hire you

In fact your credentials as a math teacher

The places you had taught before

Your praxis exam scores

Your recommendation letters

The professional development programs you were a part of

Test scores from your previous classes

The way you understood math

And especially the way you believed that every student had the potential to pass your class

All of these made you the obvious choice and everyone else agreed

But he was struck several times with Cupid’s arrows throughout the interview and that absolutely did not hurt his opinion of you as a potential colleague

On this particular morning his excuse to talk to you before classes started for the day was a test for your 7th graders

Which they would be taking next Friday

Your feedback always ended up being valuable anyway so there was no need for this to be an “excuse” but it got to be one anyway

You were typing something up when he knocked on the open door to your classroom to announce his presence

You finished typing your sentence before you looked up, and when you saw Hongjoong leaning against the door frame with some papers in his hand, you greeted him with a smile and a wave

He wondered if it would look unprofessional if he grew out his hair to cover his ears

You looked gorgeous today (every day) and he knew there was no stopping his ears from turning bright red

“I have the unit tests for 7th,” he said, stealing a chair from a desk to sit backwards on while he talked to you

“Oh good!” you replied. “I’ll take a look at those and get them back to you by lunch”

Buy lunch he thought

That sounded like an excellent idea

He should buy you lunch

He didn’t say that though

“Works for me. How was your weekend?”

And he stalled and stalled and stalled until the first bell rang and he had to get out to hall duty

At lunch he walked in again while you were putting in assignment scores and munching on some pretzel sticks

“I made a key for that new assignment we decided to add for 8th grade. Can you check answers if you get the time?”

His heart did a little flip as you covered your mouth with your hand while you finished chewing

How could you be so graceful and polite?

And your hands were so pretty wow

“Yes just as soon as I finish putting these in. And—” you turned your chair around and grabbed something from behind you— “here are the 7th tests from this morning. I added a couple notes on the integer operations review questions, but other than that, I think they’re great”

He unfortunately did need to go and eat his own lunch and fulfill other teacherly lunchtime duties so he couldn’t stall as much as this morning

But he read your notes on the way back to his classroom

And boy he could have lived in your handwriting

The pen that you used was the perfect instrument to capture every letter, every dot, every loop in a way that encapsulated your personality

And as soon as he caught himself thinking that he knew he needed to ask the home ec teacher to smack him over the head with a frying pan because wowie

He would need professional help in order to date you like a normal person at this point

Anyway he was practically skipping back after lunch because he came up with another question to ask you

There were students there so instead of using your first name he caught your attention by calling you Miss (L/N)

Which for some reason gives him more butterflies than calling you normally

This time luckily instead of giving you a new task it was a task he could do for you

“How many copies of the activity page should I put you down for?”

“Ooh good question”

You put your finger over your lips as you counted on your other hand and he had to actively look away and think about other things

There were students present after all

“Which classes are you doing it with?” you ended up asking

He used the opportunity to set a hand down on your desk and lean forward in a cool pose

“I’m making the eighth graders do it but it’s extra credit for the seventh”

“That sounds like a good plan to me. So sixty for the eighth graders and then how many do you think I would need if it’s optional?”

Oh boy he loved it when you asked for advice

It gave him the chance to look cool and smart and he always got to play it off as the humble senior teacher

“I do half just to be safe. Plus then you have extra if you want to do it again later in the year or even next year”

And then your face did that thing it did when you liked a suggestion he gave

Your face lit up with your eyebrows raised and your mouth in a little “ooh”

There were students around there were students around

“Okay then sixty for the eighth graders and forty-five for seventh. A hundred and five?”

He scribbled the number down on the copy request form

“Excellent. I’ll run this down then”

He gave you a smile and a wave as he went to attend to his own class

Which you returned

And he was sure his heart would never physically recover from the stress it was under this year

You didn’t need to know that you were the only other teacher he was sharing this particular activity page with

He would give it to the other teachers if they asked him for it but he wasn’t going to go out of his way for this one because it was kind of silly and short

But he would do anything to make your first year at a new school just a little bit easier

Back in his classroom he tried to get class started when one of his eighth graders had the audacity to raise his hand and say the following:

“You just walked back from Miss (L/N)’s class huh?”

Mr. Kim squinted suspiciously at the student

“Yeah…why”

“You’re way nicer when you go to her class before our class starts”

Before he had any time to figure out what that meant, the class exploded in giggles and shouts of agreement

“Yeah you smile a lot more this year than you did last year” a girl who had had his class the previous year as well agreed

And then from the back corner

One of the notorious trouble makers stood up

Pointed his finger up at poor Mr. Kim, who was now considering taking a high school position again

And shouted “Mr. Kim has a crush on Miss (L/N)!!!”

There was no longer any hope for this class

Exponent rules? Down the drain

Hongjoong was now a laughingstock

Irredeemable in front of a bunch of 13-14 year olds

So he stood with his hands clasped behind his back, lips pursed, and his eyes dangerously blank

It wasn’t long before kids started shushing each other

Even once they were quiet, he held their attention for a second longer

“If you have two to the fourth times two to the third, what’s the product?” he asked clearly, writing the problem on the whiteboard in new black marker

Not addressing the issue would not stem the tide of curious teenagers for long but it would have to be a band-aid solution until he figured out how to do this properly

Because he couldn’t allow rumors to spread that he liked you because firstly unprofessional and secondly what if you heard them and thought he was weird

But he couldn’t lie and allow rumors to spread that he definitely didn’t have a crush on you because firstly. unprofessional kids don’t need to know about that stuff

Like they think they’re all mature and old enough to date when they can’t even drive yet like can you imagine as a teenager asking your mom to drive you to your date with your girlfriend. Embarrassing

BUT SECONDLY

What if you heard the rumors and maybe you did like him back and it crushed your heart to hear that he didn’t like you

While the kids were working on their assignment and he was working on his computer he decided the best way to explain this to them

If they ever brought it up again

Was that they’re always in a better mood when they get to talk to their friends, right?

You’re a good friend and it’s fun working with you

The other math teachers are fun too but you’re close to his age so it makes sense that you would be closer

Yep

Good explanation Mr. Kim

Literally just one day later the kids bring it up again and they do not buy his explanation

They don’t even pretend to because their brains are not developed enough to have that kind of social tact

And the rumor doesn’t exactly spread like wildfire around the school but everyone knows about it you know what I mean

Except you actually

You’re usually very aware of everything going on in your classroom but somehow this particular subject escaped your attention

You learned early on that for some reason kids don’t have shame anymore in spilling their guts to the classroom about what they’re gossiping about

So the usual “if you can’t wait to tell your friend later then tell the whole class now” classroom management tactic is now useless

So you didn’t do that instead you just asked them which problem they’re helping their friend with and if they’re not helping their friend with math then they should get back on task

You didn’t think that any middle school level gossip could actually be that interesting anyway so yeah you had no idea that kids were shipping the teachers

And you didn’t want to know

So you stayed blissfully ignorant

While Hongjoong was lowkey agonizing over it

Now you and Hongjoong tend to eat lunch in your own classrooms rather than the staff lounge

Because why use up any more social energy than necessary right

But there is a vending machine in the staff room and Hongjoong was craving something sweet one day

And when he walked in the other teachers in there suddenly went awkwardly silent

And he knew

They were talking about him

Yeah he should take a high school position next year

Two of the younger teachers, Jung Wooyoung from the history department and Choi San from the phys ed department, broke the silence giggling to each other

“Sorry Hongjoong” San apologized “the kids are just hilarious these days. They’re so excited about you and (Y/N) it’s adorable”

Hongjoong gave them a look

“Adorable?”

“Well firstly you” Wooyoung pointed out “I never thought I’d see you fall head over heels but I totally get it. She’s super cool”

“And secondly the kids” San continued “any time you guys are talking in the hall I have all of the girls talking about it during warm ups. The boys all think of you as their role model when it comes to liking a girl”

“That reminds me!” Wooyoung interrupted “I actually did have a boy confess to a girl in my class the other day and you wanna know what he told her??”

Hongjoong’s eyebrows furrowed in a glare, absolutely sure that his reputation was never going to recover

“He said ‘I like you more than Mr. Kim likes Miss (L/N)’”

The teachers tried to tone down their laughter out of respect

Hongjoong wanted to leave immediately but this stupid vending machine was having issues

“And then you know what she said back?”

Wooyoung was having trouble holding himself together

His eyes were shining a little with tears of laughter

“She said ‘That’s impossible. No one can like anyone more than Mr. Kim likes Miss (L/N)’”

The other teachers could not hold it back anymore

The vending machine finally gave Hongjoong his candy bar

(Plus the extra one he bought for you)

So he made his way swiftly back towards the door

“Oh no no wait” Wooyoung called after him

“Tests to grade” Hongjoong lied simply

“No come on you have to hear this”

Hongjoong stopped at the door, fighting the urge to classroom manage his coworkers

He looked back both unimpressed and expectant at the same time

“Okay everyone raise your hands if you betted on before Christmas break” Wooyoung called out

Some of the teachers looked at him like he had just asked out a widow at her husband’s funeral

But they raised their hands sheepishly anyway

“Great yes and after Christmas break?”

The other half raised their hands, most of them looking like they wished that had eaten lunch in their own classrooms

“These are bets on when you’re going to ask her out” Wooyoung explained cheerfully

“Wasn’t someone also trying to get bets going on whether you would confess first or she would notice first?” San asked

“That was also me” Wooyoung said with a grin

The lounge door opened again and in walked the principal and one of the vice principals

Hongjoong thought this was finally the end to this stupid conversation

But no

“Oh Hongjoong!” the principal greeted him with a pat on the arm “I’ve got $50 on you dating before Christmas. Don’t let me down”

Waiting until the end of the school year to take a new position would simply not be soon enough

Hongjoong needed to find a new job or retire within the month

But then on the way back to his classroom he remembered he had an extra candy bar for you

So he made a detour

But what greeted him was a closed door with the window on the door covered

He hadn’t ever seen your door shut like this before so he wasn’t sure what it meant exactly

Maybe you went out to lunch today?

Then he could just nab one of your sticky notes and leave the candy bar on your desk with a positive message

He would rather give it to you himself, but the idea of you finding the candy bar on your desk later made his chest feel all warm and cozy so it was fine

Your door was unlocked, so he pulled it open just enough so he could see inside

And you were in there actually

Slumped in your desk chair with your head in your hands

Oh

Oh no

Hongjoong had been there before

Every teacher had been there before

The work of a teacher isn’t as easy as most people would like to believe

Especially for middle school, and even more so for math, it takes someone with unending patience and courage to help kids learn every day

And some days that patience and courage runs a little thinner than other days

Even experienced teachers wonder from time to time if it’s worth the soul that they give to their classes

The classes that seem sometimes not to notice one way or the other if you’re teaching or not

You hadn’t noticed that you weren’t quite alone anymore, so that left Hongjoong with a choice to make

Did he let you have this moment to yourself?

Or did he try to help you through it?

He closed the door as softly as he could

And then he gave a little knock to give you some privacy and some time to gather yourself

Then he opened the door and stepped halfway through

“The vending machine spat out two candy bars instead of one” he lied with a grin, holding up the extra candy bar and wiggling it between his fingers

You had sat up and were resting your chin on your hand curiously

But there was definitely a downtrodden aura about you that he couldn’t miss

“That’s pretty lucky,” you replied

He took that as permission to enter and on his way to your desk he snagged his usual chair to sit backwards on

“How’s today going so far?” he asked as if he knew nothing, setting the candy bar down on top of your closed computer

“Oh, you know,” you sighed

He chuckled, opening his candy bar, not making eye contact with you to relieve some pressure for you to keep up an act

“That good, huh?”

You laughed in return

“Just got my butt kicked by a bunch of seventh graders, so yeah, it’s kind of whatever right now”

Ah the teacher equivalent of “I want to quit my job and hide in my bed for the rest of my life”

“Oh, yep, I’ve been there more than once” he said with a nod “and sometimes there’s really nothing you could have done better, you know? Kids are just like that sometimes. It makes me glad I’m not an elementary school teacher”

“Oh my word yes” you agreed, finally picking up the candy bar “at least I can kick these gremlins out after 45 minutes and I don’t have to see them again until the next day. I can’t imagine being with the same class all day”

Did Hongjoong end up squandering his entire eating time just to talk with you and make sure you felt better?

Yes

He would have to sneak bites of his sandwich in between activities during his afternoon classes

But like it wasn’t the first time he’d had to do that and heaven knew it wouldn’t be the last

At least he had a good reason today instead of something stupid like he was lost in the test grading sauce and forgot to eat

He proceeded to get his butt kicked by his afternoon classes because he couldn’t wipe his lovefool smile off his face

But it was okay because once again it wasn’t the first time and heaven knew it wouldn’t be the last

Not long after came the hallowed and hated teacher inservice day

Professional development day

Both a huge waste of time and a relaxing little work day

The administrators usually planned a series of workshops for the morning that all looked. well. kind of stupid but it was all planned with good intention

Then it was lunch time

And then after that you had until the end of contract hours to do whatever pretty much

The math department liked to go to lunch together and then have a really productive planning meeting until people got bored and then it was individual prep time pretty much

Mostly it was just kinda nice to be at school without kids there

This year was no exception to all of this

But Mr. Principal had $50 on the line and decided to play matchmaker about it

For each of the workshops the teachers were split into groups

And you and Hongjoong had been placed together every single time

Somehow you genuinely thought it was just good luck

Hongjoong was hyperaware of every other teacher looking and pointing and giggling and you were so peacefully oblivious to it

The first workshop was about medical emergency training, specifically training teachers in case of allergy or diabetic emergencies

As soon as the nurse finished with the epipen instructions you leaned over to Hongjoong and whispered “like this?” 

And stabbed him with the fake epipen right in the thigh

Hongjoong swore he was going to die right then and there because why was that so attractive???

“Four…five…six…seven…eight…” you counted out, holding the epipen in place for the full ten seconds

And like a good patient he sat like a statue because his circuits were absolutely fried

You glanced up at his face and your expression immediately dropped

You checked the epipen all over to make sure it was just a trainer

(It was)

“Hongjoong are you okay?? Your face is all red did I do something wrong?” you worried

He unfroze and tried to undo the damage of his Little Moment but the nurse was already over at the table taking a closer look at him after dismissing the rest of the teachers to practice

She looked at you and then at Hongjoong and then at you again and back at Hongjoong and a funny look of understanding came over her face

“Are you Mr. Kim the math teacher” she asked

He nodded awkwardly

“And are you Miss (L/N) the math teacher” she asked

“Yes?” you answered

She patted Hongjoong on the shoulder

“He’ll be fine in a minute or so” she reassured you, glancing up and away somewhere else

You both followed her gaze over to the principal, who gave her a bright smile and a thumbs up

Which looked innocuous enough to the untrained eye

But to Hongjoong this was just another in a long list of embarrassments

The principal had told the guest workshop speakers about him

And he had been spotted that easily

After that was administration-provided snack time

Hongjoong offered to grab sodas if you would grab chips and stuff

And at the soda table he was greeted by Wooyoung and San, who called him affectionately Mr. Traffic Light

Hongjoong resisted the urge to react publicly

Even though there were no children around he refused to allow himself to be caught cursing them out

But he brainstormed violently about the ways he could get back at them without getting caught

Truly his middle school teacher powers of ignoring were activated because those two were practically dancing around him trading one-liner after one-liner and Hongjoong paid them no mind

Until he realized they were following him back to the table where he was sitting with you

He did not need them teasing him around you so he tried to shoo them off

But Wooyoung gleefully turned his attention up to the projector screen where the groupings for the next workshop were displayed

Truly your presence was the only saving grace this day had to offer

They were in this group with you two

The computer teacher/school tech support guy was leading this workshop and he was showcasing how one might use ai in their classroom

And all four of you were totally zoned out because firstly ai in a math classroom?? For what

Chat bots are notoriously bad at math

Ai in San’s gymnasium? Once again no practical application

And Wooyoung honestly just wasn’t that interested because none of you were listening so he didn’t feel like he had to either

So he decided flirting with you was more fun

Just to make Hongjoong mad

But for all of his whispered pick up lines and compliments you had approximately the same response as to this ai workshop:

Playing gamepigeon with Hongjoong under the table

(Which Hongjoong had initiated by the way)

(And you had perpetuated after destroying him at the mini golf game)

Aka you ignored Wooyoung pretty well

So Hongjoong got to glare over at him with the peace of mind that your attention was fully his right then

San tapped your shoulder and asked for your number

Which you gave him a little too easily for Hongjoong’s continued peace of mind

But then San just made a group chat for the four of you to play uno together for the remainder of the workshop

So Hongjoong decided that actually this setup wasn’t so bad

The last workshop was unfortunately much more important so the four of you couldn’t continue slacking off

The principal was running this one and it was genuinely for the betterment of the school environment

Plus San and Wooyoung were sent off to other groups

So it was the two of you and a few other senior teachers that were going to have a discussion about one of the behavior initiatives that the school was trying out

You were the only two math teachers in the group, so when the principal passed out data that had been collected about this behavior initiative, the other teachers sort of automatically passed the papers to you

(And the science teachers in the group but that’s irrelevant)

There was only one copy of each dataset, so that meant you got to share

And that meant that you got to scoot your chairs close together to look at the paper at the same time

And even better the text was kind of small so you had to bring the papers close to your faces to read them

So the two of you were shoulder to shoulder

Practically cheek to cheek, your heads almost touching

To read this data and explain it to the less number-savvy teachers

Today was actually pretty fantastic so far, Hongjoong thought

He also wondered if you could physically feel the heat coming off of his face but that was not something he was going to let bother him right then

He was going to live in the moment

And perhaps thank the principal later

After a surprisingly productive and insightful discussion

It was finally ~lunch time~

The math department gathered up in the department head’s classroom to decide which of the nearby restaurants to choose to go to

And no one could agree

Not a single person was feeling like eating the same thing

Except Hongjoong he was agreeing with whatever you said

Not just because he wanted you to have your way but because whatever you said sounded good to him too

Maybe it sounded good because you said it but nonetheless

And then the department head said the following fateful words:

“How about you two just go ahead and we’ll try to decide on something for the rest of us

Hongjoong was suspicious right then and there that this was a setup

The department head probably had money on Before Christmas

But Hongjoong was absolutely not going to let this opportunity slip through his fingers

“I’m cool with that” you answered before Hongjoong could gather his thoughts enough to say anything

Then you turned to him

“I need to go grab my purse from my classroom. Do you need anything from yours?”

“Oh, yeah, just my wallet” he answered totally on autopilot

You stopped by your classroom first and then his since his was closer to the front of the school

He was so excited to finally realize that dream of his from a few weeks back

He was gonna buy you lunch

And not only that it was just the two of you going out to lunch

It didn’t matter that this wasn’t a date

Or that technically you were just gonna buy food and eat it back at school

It was special to him to go somewhere with just you 

That wasn’t school

Seriously he was so happy he couldn’t stop smiling when he told the cashier that your orders were together and he was going to pay

You kinda elbowed him and told him he didn’t have to do that

But he just shrugged and turned his smile on you

“But I wanted to” he replied

You accepted that

“It’s on me next time” you promised

And oh man he could have died right there he felt so complete

Except if he died then there would be no next time

But you were saying next time and it made him think that wow yeah this would happen again

You meant if it ever happened again but he was determined that it was a certain for the future

Because even if it didn’t happen by chance then he would make it happen himself

When you got back to the school the rest of the math department was gone so you started eating without them

And that was a magical moment of peace too

Just the two of you

No one around to tease Hongjoong

He could almost pretend you were just normal friends and he wasn’t head over heels for you

Then the rest of the department came back and they all had food from the same restaurant

So Hongjoong had been right to be suspicious earlier

It was most definitely a setup to get the two of you by yourselves

And he liked it so he wasn’t going to complain about it

Even though it was embarrassing

Well as fun as professional development day ended up being

Parent teacher conferences were not

Hongjoong was looking forward to more Mr. Principal shenanigans

Like maybe when all the teachers were in the gym yours and his table could be next to each other

And he could talk to you when neither of you had any parents

And when the night was wrapping up

And he could walk you out to your car because it was dark

And maybe treat you to dinner because the school-provided food wasn’t usually that great

But no

None of that could happen

Because someone had decided to have teachers stay in their classrooms for conferences this year

The parents would have the wonderful opportunity to get lost in their child’s school trying to find all of their classes

What a joke

They were probably going to get so many complaints they would switch it back to normal next semester

But the one time Hongjoong was looking forward to parent teacher conferences

Of course

Was the one time they had to switch it up

The one silver lining in this was the teachers complaining about it together

Hongjoong’s favorite email he had ever received was now from Wooyoung

Who was replying to the email notifying teachers of the different setup this year but just to Hongjoong

In all lowercase:

“hey loverboy u see this crap

math teacher romancephobic fr smh”

And then with his full professional email signature at the bottom

This precious email was moved to Hongjoong’s funny emails folder, which was usually reserved for unhinged student emails

He did not reply to it

San and the other phys ed teachers were joking about how nice it would be to have the gym to themselves for once but they were in agreement that this probably wouldn’t last

Of course the math department had tests scheduled across all the grades right before conferences

Which of course left everyone grading like crazy

And of course the kids trashed the classrooms the day before

And of course the head janitor ended up getting sick

So it was up to the teachers to make sure their classrooms didn’t look like trash

Even though they had 150+ tests to grade and a pile of late work to grade

And they had 24 hours (7 of which were going to be spent teaching, and hopefully 7-8 would be spent sleeping) to make this all work before parents started showing up at 4 o’clock tomorrow afternoon

What a time this was going to be

So Hongjoong picked up his pile of tests and went to your classroom

Predictably you were grading tests

He stole a student desk and moved it close to your desk

“Which tests are you working on?” he asked

“Eighth” you replied, not looking up from the test you were currently grading

“How does this sound” he began “I’ll take your seventh and you take my eighth so we don’t have to switch answer keys?”

Still barely looking up, you handed him three binder-clipped stacks of paper

“As long as you don’t mind working to music” you replied, your eyebrows raising as a little smile played on your lips

He took your tests and handed you his eighth grade tests

(This worked out nicely as you both had three classes of seventh and two classes of eighth. He was tricking you into letting him take the heavier load ohoho so sneaky)

(He was just lucky you were grading eighth instead of seventh first)

“Don’t mind?” he snickered, uncapping his favorite felt-tip grading pen “I’d prefer it”

And that’s how speed grading turned into karaoke

Grading went almost certainly slower than it would have if you had worked alone but it was way more fun this way

Of course he ended up with sixty some more tests to grade than you

So when you finished you left for a bit and came back with snacks

As well as his pile of late work

He tried to protest but no no

“You’re not nearly as sneaky as you think you are Mr. Kim” you teased him “You thought you could fool a math teacher into thinking we had an equal workload here?”

“That wasn’t the point” he whined, trying to put the cap back on his pen and inking his finger instead

“Then what was the point?”

I love you that’s the point

But what was the point actually

What was a point he could believably tell you without giving himself away

“Just…because” he said convincingly, shrugging his shoulders and settling back into his tests “You look stressed these days. Wanted to do something nice I guess”

You brandished his late work stack again

“So I’m going to do something nice too”

Yeah he probably wouldn’t ever feel this way about anyone ever again

For him at this point it was you or nothing

But the problem was he was willing to let it be nothing for far too long

He would never make a single move unless he knew you were okay with it

Because if he and his stupid heart ruined whatever you had going now then it would really be nothing

He wouldn’t give up the something he still had

He was like a curve approaching an asymptote

He could get infinitely close, but he would never actually touch you

After settling your gradebooks for tomorrow you started by picking up your classroom together

This did go faster with music by the way

And then you picked up his classroom together

And then he realized Hongjoong realized he could have his wish

The one about walking you out to your car and taking you out to dinner

Walking you out was easy but taking you out was another story

He would have to suggest it himself

A little known fact about teachers is that they became teachers because they don’t know how/don’t want to talk with other adults

Kids don’t judge you if something comes out of your mouth a little different than you meant it

Other adults are mean and judge you over silly things

This unfortunately meant that he didn’t know how to ask you to go to dinner with him without making it sound like a date

He was kinda just hoping a lil Kdrama moment would happen and one of your stomachs would rumble really loud so he could laugh it off and say you should go eat together

But you got closer and closer to your car and no tummy rumbling

You got to your car and no tummy rumbling

You opened your door and said goodbye and still no tummy rumbling

“Wait!!!”

He could have slapped his own mouth

You were a little startled but it stopped you from getting in your car

“Hmm?”

“Just uh…it’s kinda late and snacks are great but they’re not that filling…so do you wanna um…” he trailed off and did not finish his thought

“Wanna what?” you asked

Big boy pants Hongjoong come on

“Go grab dinner? Or something?” he finally spat out

He must not have seen your face light up in the dark

“No pressure” he added when you didn’t answer within 0.05 seconds

“No that sounds great! I was thinking of grabbing something on the way home anyway and it would be way more fun to do it with someone else” you accepted

He let you pick the place again and you drove separately because after you would be going in different directions

But it ended up being a nice little fast casual restaurant

And it didn’t feel like a date really but it kinda felt like a date but no it didn’t

It just ended up being a comfortable little outing between friends

Hongjoong knew he couldn’t stop smiling

And he wondered if you already knew how he felt about you

He was sure he didn’t smile like this at anyone else

And you were many things but dense couldn’t possibly be one of them

He knew he was the opposite of subtle

But if you were willing to spend time with him like this then that meant he didn’t make you uncomfortable

Honestly he was so used to the way you made him feel at this point that loving you from afar felt like second nature

Being friends with you was enough if he could keep loving you like this

The waiter came by and asked if it was one check or two

And Hongjoong was fully prepared to pay once again

But you beat him to it

You were already prepared with your card and everything

“I owe you for last time, remember?” you told him with a cheeky grin

He shook his head

“You don’t owe me anything”

“Well then next time it’s on you”

Hongjoong started to smile again

“Next time?”

“Well, yeah” you said with a shrug, now a little bashful “This was fun. We should keep doing it”

“It is fun” he agreed with a laugh “It’s nice to hang out with people outside of school for once”

You laughed at that

“Oh boy tell me about it. Nobody told me that teaching would ruin my social life”

And things just kind of continued like that for a while

Before you had come to the school, Hongjoong had lowkey felt like he was kind of going nowhere with his life

Any time he spent at school outside of his contract hours felt like an infringement on his personal time

Or not even at school, just away from home

He had been hoping that taking a high school position would give him back a little bit of the passion for teaching that he was losing

He hadn’t even been teaching that long it’s just that the profession really is like that

Indescribably rewarding and incredibly draining all at the same time

(Especially these days. Sometimes you really wonder if it’s worth it)

But having something to look forward to every day besides a favorite class ended up being what he needed to love his job wholeheartedly again

It wasn’t just you he had fallen in love with

He had also found new friends in an unlikely place

The math department was like family and he enjoyed their company dearly

But that weirdo phys ed teacher and obnoxious history teacher had turned into excellent friends frighteningly fast

Sometimes they joined you and Hongjoong on your dinner outings

And honestly it was such a blast

An amendment to my previous statement about teachers being teachers because they don’t like talking to other adults:

Other teachers often do not count as other adults

Sometimes they do when you have to have grown up conversations

But gossiping about students does not count as grown up conversation

There were some eighth graders that all four of you had

Hongjoong not currently but he’d had them for previous classes and they were now in your class

Was it a little embarrassing as 20 somethings to have your main source of gossip be preteens?

Yeah but oh man there is nothing like finding out which of your students are lying to their other teachers about the work they need to do

Or what they’re like in other classes

(You and Hongjoong, and sometimes Wooyoung, tended to have very different opinions about some students than San did so it was double fascinating)

Who they’re friends with outside of your class

Or crushes they have on each other

Basically if you spend every day around preteens you gossip like them too

It was now November and starting to get uncomfortably cold outside

So San had offered his home as a little gathering space for you all to order food and hang out

It was almost like a little Friendsgiving

“Any of you have (male student name, obnoxious connotation)?” Wooyoung asked, taking a sip of his soda

You immediately scoffed

“I’m about to write an email home about that kid”

Hongjoong was surprised

Annoying kids existed in every class but you usually had something nice to say about them at first at least before you got into the bad behavior

He hadn’t had this particular student but he was intrigued as to why he annoyed you so much

Wooyoung and San also both looked surprised

“He’s great in gym—like cooperative, doesn’t do stupid stuff too often—” San said “but that doesn’t usually mean anything about how they are in math class”

“No he’s great in history too” Wooyoung added “finishes all his work on time, helps his friends with theirs if he finishes”

Your eye might have twitched a little bit

You let out an unamused laugh and crossed your arms over your chest

Hongjoong was fascinated and quite enamored with this new side of you

“If he has time to help his friends then he should be working on the seven late assignments I’ve been reminding him about. He hasn’t turned in anything for two weeks”

Wooyoung gasped and covered his mouth

“You’re joking”

“I’ve talked to him about it twice and I warned him if I had to remind him a third time then I would email his parents” you said, shaking your head “Like I asked him if he’s understanding the material, if he’s got something going on at home, if he needs some help, and he’s giving me nothing to go off of”

Wooyoung smiled devilishly

“He’s been lying to me, then. I ask him every day if he has other classes to do stuff for and he says no. I will absolutely be getting on him about that”

San shook his head

“Teenagers” he sighed

Everyone nodded and repeated what he’d said

“Teenagers.”

After a moment of silence, Hongjoong spoke up

“How about (female student name, pleasant connotation)?”

The mood lifted immediately and everyone gave their own version of the word “aww”

“She is the highlight of my whole day” you said

“Seriously she’s so polite and she tries so hard even when she’s having a hard time” Wooyoung agreed

“Super athletic too” San added

“Ooh and (male student name, pleasant connotation)?” you said to another chorus of agreement “He’s kind of a punk sometimes but he’s another one that always does his best”

Hongjoong smiled

Complaining was fun, but he loved the light in your eyes when you talked about the parts of the job that you loved

Anyway as I said it was November and the Before Christmas faction of teachers was starting to get nervous because there was no sign of anything happening

They saw you walk out together more than usual but they didn’t know that you were meeting up outside of school and stuff

The kids were also more riled up about it than usual

To the point where Hongjoong wondered if the other teachers were inciting chaos on purpose

It was getting bad enough that one of his classes almost failed a test across the board—on a unit about rounding and converting fractions to decimals of all things

As in the easiest math ever

So Mr. Kim had to resort to drastic measures

At the beginning of all his classes, he drew a box on the edge of the whiteboard

“This is the nonsense box” he explained with a teacherly smile

That is to say frustrated but still filled with love for his students

“Every time one of you is talking about anything that is not related to class, a tally mark goes in the box. Each tally mark represents an extra fifteen seconds you get to sit in your seat after the bell rings”

A chorus of protest arose

“I don’t want to hear it” Mr. Kim shook his head “How many of you are planning on retaking last Friday’s test?”

About half of the hands in the room came up sheepishly

“Exactly. It’s because we’re constantly off topic that no one is able to listen and learn in here. We can do better, okay?”

And then immediately from the back of the room

“Ooh, Miss (L/N) just passed in the hall!!!”

And chorus of “Ooooooh”

Whether it was true or not, Hongjoong was happy to draw his first tally mark without a word

Just that same teacherly smile

Another round of protest came and he drew another one

After the third tally mark, they shut up

“Good. Let’s talk about coefficients. Has anyone heard that word before?”

Once again I will say it was November

And the month after November is December

And December is the month of Christmas

Not just Christmas break

But Christmas itself

And that meant that Hongjoong now

After coming back from a brief Thanksgiving break

Had only a few weeks to find you a Christmas present

Now he wasn’t thoughtless like this wasn’t the first time it had crossed his mind

It had just stressed him out wondering if he would have the guts to confess his feelings for you or if he would be outed somehow first

Plus in case y’all didn’t know teaching (especially teaching around the holidays) is stressful

He just imagined Christmas as this far off date that was too good to ever come

And so he hadn’t even had time to think about what to get you

Something for your classroom?

Something for your home?

A cute accessory?

A fun math shirt?

Not a gift card though that was far too impersonal

Nothing seemed good enough for you

If he were to deliver his feelings with a gift like any of these, it felt insufficient

Most lunches the last bit of November and the first week of December

(If not spent pestering you)

He spent fretting over his Amazon cart with his head in his hands

And then the most unfortunate miracle occurred

The heaters toward the math hall decided working at full capacity was a waste of tax dollars

And the weather was shaping up to be quite uncomfortable

Everyone started to bring blankets and stuff but it was never quite enough

Your classroom was especially cold, since it was the farthest down the hall

So Hongjoong was gifted an opportunity

He went and found one of those soft and cozy electric blankets

In a color he assumed to be your favorite considering how much you wore it and how many of the little trinkets around your classroom were that color

And he packaged it like he had meant to give it to you for Christmas anyway

Then he brought it for you the next day

You were sitting at your desk in your full winter outdoor gear with a blanket that did look cozy but thankfully was not electric

And your teeth were practically chattering as you waved hello

He still hadn’t taken off his coat or his gloves either actually

He set the present on your desk

“I was saving this for Christmas but I think you might need it more now” he told you with a grin

Your curiosity was suddenly piqued

You opened the gift cautiously, glancing up at him every few seconds

But as soon as you felt the material of the blanket, you perked up

And upon discovering that it was electric you could have cried

“I haven’t been able to feel my fingers since last week” you told him gratefully “Seriously I was trying to figure out how many space heaters I would need to buy to survive the winter”

“The department head has one in her classroom” he said “If you grab your old blanket and your laptop then you can let your new blanket heat up here while we hang out over there”

What a beautiful suggestion

The department head raised her eyebrow at the two of you coming in with blankets

But she smiled too when she saw you settling down in front of her heater

“Don’t tell anyone” she said “but sometimes I take a nap over there during lunch”

“Oh I see exactly why” you agreed, sitting cross-legged and setting your computer in your lap “I can literally feel my bones thawing out”

Hongjoong settled down a respectable distance from you

But he thought someone else was pranking him when he felt a blanket drape over his shoulders

He looked around, startled, and then he realized it was the other side of your blanket

You had thrown your blanket over him to share, even though he had one of his own

And now you were pulling his arm to get him to scoot closer to you

Was this a dream??

He would not be happy if his alarm rang

But no it was real and he happily obliged

You were sitting shoulder to shoulder again

Just like at the professional development workshop

Except this time it was so warm and cozy and there was definitely a much less professional vibe

The department head raised her eyebrow at you once again

But Hongjoong was way too enamored with your shy smile to notice

After just a few minutes in this cozy little haven

Your time was unfortunately cut short

Not by students arriving to school

But by Wooyoung poking his head into the classroom

“Oh I’ve been looking everywhere for you guys”

He stepped into the classroom and greeted its owner accordingly

She nodded as if to allow him permission to enter

“They have hot chocolate down in the teachers lounge” Wooyoung informed them “I figured you icicles back here in the freezer rooms would want some but it looks like you were hiding a—” he looked down at the two of you skeptically “campfire back here”

Wooyoung clearly thought he meant something by that but no one else knew what he was trying to say

So his last comment went ignored

“Do you want hot chocolate?” Hongjoong asked you “I can go get some for us”

“No it’s okay I’ll go with you” 

Oh Wooyoung saw exactly what was going on here

Hongjoong did not

Hongjoong was a little confused—was his help becoming an awkward burden to you?

While Wooyoung saw the truth

You just wanted the excuse to walk with him

Now Wooyoung had two choices

He could step back and let you two walk down together, maybe say something to speed this math teacher romance along

Or he could third wheel

And who was Wooyoung if he didn’t pass up the chance to annoy?

Plus he had taken an oath once he started collecting bets that he wouldn’t try to swing the competition one way or another

And since telling you about the hot chocolate while you were together felt like pushing the competition faster, it felt right to pull it back a bit by getting in between you for a few minutes

So he offered hands to both of you to help you off the floor

“Let’s all go together then” he said “You should also find out if your campsite director wants any”

“Campsite director?” Hongjoong asked, shutting his computer

You also closed your computer and set it aside, looking around to figure out who Wooyoung was talking about

“Your gracious host this morning” he clarified, giving the department head a charming little wave

You both took Wooyoung’s hands at the same time and almost pulled him down with you in the process of standing up

As you straightened your pants, you asked the department head if she wanted you to bring her back any hot chocolate, to which she responded yes please

Wooyoung insisted on walking in the middle

And Hongjoong wondered if all of the patience he had acquired as a middle school teacher was going to be spent on not wringing this guy’s neck this morning

Fortunately Mr. Jung acted enough like one of Mr. Kim’s students that he was able to pretend he was one and just let it go

Unfortunately by the time they got back to the department head’s classroom kids were starting to show up so that was the end of artificial campfire cuddle time

But there was a silent agreement as you picked up your blankets and computers that you would be doing this again sometime

The first few weeks of December didn’t necessarily fly by but they did go by quickly in hindsight if that makes sense

And before everyone knew it

Christmas break was upon you

And there was no further progression of the math department couple

The Before Christmas teachers had gotten antsier and antsier right up until the day before break started

But thankfully no one had been worried enough to interfere

Hongjoong decided to stay in his classroom that day

(As if he didn’t stay in his classroom every day)

Because people had been giving him disappointed looks all over the school and he was tired of it

Even the principal had made a trip to Hongjoong’s classroom the Friday afternoon before everyone left

Just to tell him how disappointed he was that he hadn’t had the guts to make a move even when he knew the principal’s precious money was on the line

And ask him if you were secretly dating already and just didn’t want to make a big deal about it

But ultimately to wish him luck and a nice break

A few minutes after he left, you popped into his classroom

You had your bag and your coat and it looked like you were ready to head home

“Are you so ready to get out of here?” you asked

He stopped immediately in the middle of his task and slammed his laptop shut

Contract hours had ended a whole minute ago and he had wasted a whole minute still doing work? On break?

“Say no more” he said, standing up and putting his coat on “We should have left five minutes ago”

“Wholeheartedly agree” you replied “I would have but the principal visited me and I felt like I had to look like I was doing something”

Hongjoong froze

The principal had visited you too?

Why?

For what purpose?

Betting purposes?

This technically didn’t still count as Before Christmas Break right?

“That’s weird haha he came and visited me too, like ten minutes ago” he said with the normalest most unbothered tone he could manage

(He tried)

(His voice was not quite an octave higher than usual)

(Which is considerable improvement since it’s usually an octave and a half)

“Maybe he’s just making rounds” you said with a shrug “It’s nice to see how much he cares about this school. Definitely one of the better principals I’ve worked with”

Hongjoong relaxed perhaps too visibly

“Yeah if you need a guy to have your back he’s got it no question”

“Anyway if you don’t have any plans for the day after Christmas you should spend it with me”

If Hongjoong had been drinking something he would have choked

Even if he’d had plans in the first place he would have canceled them for you

“My day is wide open” he said “As is almost all of my break”

You smiled and his stomach did a flip

He wondered if it was ever going to stop doing that

He hoped not

“Mine too. If you’re bored, you can probably text me and I won’t be doing anything”

Was it cringe that he was now looking for technically his second Christmas present for you?

Yeah maybe but that was his lifestyle now

To quote N.Flying’s Lovefool “if they call me a lovefool it’s okay as long as it’s for your sake”

Even if you didn’t see him that way that was A-Okay

Anyway he found some cute little math-themed trinkets like pi earrings and a right triangle pin that said “I’m always right”

Because actually who are math teachers if they don’t like puns

And the morning after Christmas Day he wrapped them up all nice for you

And he got ready to meet you at a little restaurant you now frequented together

But this was actually like the first time he was meeting you on a whole day off so he had to figure out how to dress not like a teacher but still kinda nice

He had no idea

All of his pants were teacher pants

His shirts? All teacher shirts

He was way too good at dressing for his job

So he wore jeans instead of his usual khakis and hoped that was different enough?

He also layered one of his graph paper teacher shirts with a plain t-shirt underneath and didn’t button it up

He looked himself up and down in his mirror, trying different poses to make sure he looked like a Normal Guy

In the end he decided his hair was the only issue

He only knew how to style it in a teacherly fashion

And leaving it unstyled wasn’t an option

So he looked up some tutorials on some easy styles but he just could not see himself as anything other than a math teacher

So he gave up and just prayed that he looked okay

You looked perfect of course

The difference was subtle in theory but the way you dressed, the way you did your hair and makeup, it made for a world of difference

Oh you looked so gorgeous he was never going to get over it

Your eyes practically sparkled when you met him out front and man he thought before that he couldn’t be more in love with you but he was wrong

You did seem a little more awkward today than usual and he couldn’t figure out why

Like you almost seemed nervous

What for? It was just him

You got your food and he suddenly remembered the gifts in his pocket

“Oh!” he exclaimed, pulling them out “I know I gave you the blanket a few weeks ago but I found these and I knew you had to have them. Merry double Christmas?”

You covered your mouth to hide your laughter and your bite of food

“That’s so funny because I found something for you too”

And you pulled a little package out of your bag

Down bad wasn’t even a good descriptor anymore and neither was head over heels like there had to be a stronger silly description of being in love and if there wasn’t it would have to be invented for him

You had found him a shirt that said “Math is hard. So is life. Get over it.”

(Tbh an actual shirt that I own)

And he promised you he would be wearing it the day you all got back from break

As for his silly little gifts you adored them

You put the pi earrings in immediately and started brainstorming what do do with the other things out loud

He could not have been happier with himself

And then you caught him staring at you

You paused in your excited little ramblings

He sat up a little straighter, wondering what to say next

But you smiled and looked down at your plate

“You’re pretty cute, you know that?” you told him, unable to meet his eyes for more than a second

In front of you, his first instinct was to deny the possibility and he followed it without thinking

“Eh, no I’m not—not in comparison to you, anyway”

Hmm if he wanted to keep his feelings secret then that was not the thing to say

But you deserved to know it

Not just cute but beautiful

Heartstoppingly so

You took the compliment well anyway

“Have you ever thought…” you began, trailing off

You watched him as he waited for you to continue, his eyes wide and curious

“Never mind” you dismissed with a casual wave of your hand

“No hey what were you going to say?” he asked

“Nothing I just had a weird thought for a second”

“No no come on! You know I wouldn’t judge you for anything”

You hesitated again and he could see that same nervousness he’d noticed before

“Have you ever thought…I don’t know” you put your elbows up on the table “of us as more than friends? Like dating maybe?”

Once again he was going to be very upset if his alarm clock went off now

But even if this was a dream, there was no harm in saying it out loud

“Every day since the day I met you” he answered honestly

You blinked like you didn’t believe him

“You’d better not be joking because I mean this like I’m risking our whole professional relationship here—”

And then he realized

You literally had no idea about him

Genuinely no clue that the whole school knew exactly how you had him wrapped around your finger

Except you

“—on the slightest chance that you might feel the same way—”

“Hey” he stopped you softly “I would never joke about how I feel about you”

Embarrassment began to set in for both of you

“Seriously,” he said, holding back a laugh, “you can ask any of my students, any of the teachers. I think you were the last one to find out that I have a massive crush on you”

“Oh no you’re kidding!” you exclaimed, your hands coming up to hide your face

“I really wish I were—Wooyoung has two rounds of bets going with the teachers about when and how we would end up dating. It’s just about me though—I don’t think anyone else knew about you”

You buried your face further in your hands

“That is so embarrassing” you whined “Seriously I might kill Wooyoung when we get back from break”

“I’ll help you” he promised

You ended up deciding to tell the other teachers on account of the bets they had placed on you

But you asked them not to tell the kids

Hongjoong was comfortable dealing with them at this point and he didn’t see the point in subjecting you to the attention he got about it

Speaking of the bets

No one won any of them technically

The two categories were before/after Christmas break and you notice/he confesses

And since you confessed during Christmas break well

As tempting as it would have been to say that you two deserved the money

(Especially on those teacher salaries)

You just made Wooyoung give it back to everyone who had put money down

And honestly? Very little about your at school dynamic changed

The kids still teased Hongjoong every day about his obvious soft spot for you

But he didn’t care because he knew better than they did anyway

You did actually start to notice now that kids were gossiping about you and Hongjoong

And it was really funny actually

Especially when he stopped by your classroom and the kids went dead silent watching you

Or when you left his classroom and you heard the kids explode with their weirdo little preteen comments from just outside in the hallway

Wooyoung insisted on telling you about every time you were mentioned in his classroom

This included the story about the girl rejecting a boy because quote no one can like anyone as much as Mr. Kim likes Miss (L/N) enquote

And you about died from laughter and embarrassment

Because how had you missed every single sign thrown your way??

It was so obvious now that you were dating him and you knew why he spent as much time as physically and contractually possible in your classroom

Because like I said very little about your at school dynamic changed

He still treated you almost exactly the same way

Except now if you were having a bad day he could hug you and kiss you on the head and tell you that everything would be okay and you were a good teacher

And if he got cold he could come to your classroom and have you sit on his lap while you shared your blanket

You were very very careful with any displays of affection by the way like it was only behind a locked door that you would even dare

Because firstly unprofessional

A literal breach of the code of ethics more likely than not

And secondly what if the kids saw you???

The other teachers were whatever like you didn’t really want them to walk in on you either but at least they were other adults

But the kids??? 

There were already too many rumors flying around the school about you and they did not need a even whispering of confirmation

The end of that came of course when you got engaged like a year or so later idk and you showed up to school with a ring on your finger and the kids went wild

“Mr. Kim she has a ring!!!”

“Mr. Kim what are you going to do?? She’s gonna get married!!”

“Mr. Kim you must be heartbroken”

You had prepared for this together

You had known it was coming so you knew you had to be ready for the chaos it was going to cause

So you had decided that he would also start wearing a ring to match even before the wedding

So to all his very concerned students he got to hold up his hand and say in the coolest most chic manner possible

“And who do you think gave her the ring huh?”

It was like setting off a nuclear bomb of middle school gossip but it was so worth it

Anyway breaking the chronological flow going back in time because this needed to be the last scene

The cutest change with your at school dynamic now that you were dating was now you could exchange secret messages on sticky notes with the papers you traded

He started it by handing you a test key to check with a sticky note on the top that you assumed was a label for what the test was

But on closer inspection it was a pickup line

“The limit of my love for you is like the limit of 1/x as it approaches 0; it doesn’t exist”

So you wrote back on the same sticky note “well mine is like 1/x^2 and it approaches infinity so there” and handed it back to him once you checked his key

Not to be outdone he wrote you a new note

“Girl are you a 30° angle inscribed in a circle because you’re acute-y pi”

Oh that one was bad

You had to give him something worse

“If we’re both math teachers, how come we have so much chemistry?”

You handed him that one in between classes

And as he read it he had to disguise his sudden laughter as a cough because there were kids around and they didn’t need to be curious about what he was laughing at

His next sticky note had a crease down the middle horizontally

128√e980

You recognized it immediately but you folded it in half to reveal the secret message anyway

“I love you”

So you gave him back “I hope you like fractions because you’re my other half”

You stored all these away in a little file on your computer titled “Valentine’s Day Math Jokes”

Maybe for some future Valentine’s Day activity

But mostly just to keep them all somewhere safe where you could look at them any time you wanted

Without some kid being like “oooh Miss (L/N) whatcha lookin at”

Your favorite note from him was about as simple and dorky as they came

Much like Hongjoong himself actually

Simplify 2x+6i<2(x+9u)

First you distributed the 2 on the right

2x+6i<2x+18u

Then since there was a 2x on both sides, you could subtract them and cancel them

6i<18u

Then divide by 6

And the answer made you smile every time

i<3u

(so I know how I wrote this so fast actually. I just have a goal to write 250+ words every day and uh pretty much every day of the month of January ended up dedicated to this one. Someone said Math Teacher Hongjoong and I (graduated in December with a math teaching degree, student taught in a middle school for 4 months) went feral over it whoops)

Masterlist

[glitter-stained]

I have no medical knowledge but JT had me googling the five levels of consciousness I’m like what is this some specific form of hypoactive delirium JT has going on like what is thissss is this based off the movie Awakenings

Hell yeah! I love this ask so much

Let's talk about catatonia

Could Jason's TBI have given him catatonia?

Okay so catatonia is a syndrome that can be caused by either an underlying mental disorder (best known causes are schizophrenia and some forms of depression) or another medical affection (this is what the characters in The Awakenings have!)

I'm basing myself on the DSM-5 revised text here because it's my favourite classification (as shown by the fact I talk shit about it all the time). So, in Lost Days, Talia's hypothesis for Jason appears to be catatonia caused by another medical affection, this affection being caused by the brain damage he sustained. Because this hasn't been proven (i am, btw, very intrigued: does the LOA have MRIs? We know they interrogated the medical professionals who worked on him during his coma, but we don't have any info on that... What do the images say!!! I wanna know!!! And did he have an EEG? 😭😭😭 I wish we had these images... Alas.)

Anyway, so because the medical cause isn't confirmed, the actual diagnosis would be "unspecified catatonia" but that's more of a "eh, can't know for sure" diagnosis so it's not really important.

So I asked the one of my teachers who sees a lot of children and teenagers with TBIs, and he told me that while he couldn't tell me this didn't exist, he had never seen a patient develop catatonia as a result of a TBI. Because my personal hypothesis is a dissociative episode, I also asked my teacher who specialises in trauma if it was possible for dissociation to induce catatonia... He confessed that he wasn't sure what catatonia was and thought it was an outdated category people didn't use anymore and then when I was starting to detail the symptoms he kinda ran away from me in a pretty comical manner... (I'm not kidding, it was very funny). So, safe to say that this man (otherwise a really good teacher, with a great and in-depth understanding of trauma and the psychopathology around it) hasn't seen many catatonic patients lmao. So, that makes catatonia relatively improbable in terms of etiology, but nowhere in the dsm does it say that it's impossible for a tbi or dissociation to induce it, so let's check!!!

[goodluckclove]

I've been meaning to say something. (100 follower hot take)

Hey! Thanks for stopping by. I hope you've had a nice day. Why don't you rest with me for a while? I made some chocolate chip cookies - with shortening instead of butter, so they're very soft and very chocolatey. I made way too many and they aren't my wife's favorite, so I could use some help in eating them.

You're probably a writer, right? Or maybe you think about how you could be. Browse the tags here, or on other social media platforms. Maybe you used to write stories as a kid. I bet those were fun. Teachers might've thought they were impressive, or they dissected them line by line until the words didn't make sense in your head anymore. Either way, if you're here you're probably here for a reason.

(rant alert)

I dipped a toe in online writing communities on and off. My last attempt was forty-five minutes scrolling through the writing hashtag on Youtube Shorts (so TikTok, I guess? I don't know). I didn't like it. I really didn't. The thing that sticks out the strongest in my mind is one particular video where a woman claims that every story needs a second act plot twist.

Huh? Every story? All of them? Why? Since when? Who are you? What qualifications do you have to make a statement like that?

That's the common thread that makes a lot of writing spaces very uncomfortable for me. Successful writers are really only successful in their genre and for the given moment, so they don't have that much objective authority in the craft. And yet I see a lot of people deciding the things that you can't do in writing. Or the things you have to do, and how you have to do them. It was so much of Writeblr at first glance that I almost dipped out once again. I didn't, though, and I'm glad I didn't because now I get to watch some of the next great storytellers from across the world grow and examine and forge their way forward.

No one can teach you how to write. No, that's not true. Teachers teach literacy. Handwriting. Typing maybe - do schools still teach typing? Let me try saying it in a different way - no one, not one single person on this goddamned planet, has the right to tell you how to make a story.

I was supposed to get my MFA in creative writing before my first breakdown. My uncle stayed in the program I was meant to be in, and a few years after I dropped out he graduated. Recently I had the thought to look up his thesis novella, and as I searched I found myself regretting my decision to leave school. If I stayed and got to develop my writing in an actual class, with other writers and a knowledgeable professor, how much further along would I be than where I am right now?

It was bad. His novella was terrible. It was so bad I had a small existential crisis for, like, three days. He spent so much money on years and years of professional education and came out with a truly soulless story that read as if you prompted an AI to write the next Great American Novel. So if you think you need a writing degree to be a legitimate author, it could help connections-wise, but it ultimately won't be the thing that does the work for you.

Not all advice I see online on writing is bad. I find the people who are able to capture the "I" statements of therapy and phrase advice as things that have worked for them, or things that they personally enjoy, to be fine. Some writing advice can spark inspiration.

But if someone is the type of person to boil every story down to troupes and cliches, and then immediately say that every story that uses the trait they don't like is automatically bad for everyone? I'm dropping the kindness for a second - that's trash. That's a trash take and I see far too many writers use it as a reason to stop before they begin.

I don't like whump. I say my reasons in previous posts if you go back through my blog. But you will never hear me say that any story with whump in it is bad, because I don't know that. You might prove me wrong. I am an adult human being and I have the humility to admit that I can like something I didn't expect to. I genuinely enjoy the direction of The Human Centipede (only the first one) and if you cringed just now that probably means you haven't seen it.

There are so many types of books and movies and plays and comics out there. To enjoy a specific genre is fine, to ignore the existence of everything else is a really, really, really odd thing to do. Maybe someone will hate your story because they think everything should be Neil Gaiman, and therefore have no way to understand your epistolary high-Western. You are not the wrong end of that situation just for existing.

And at there is a definite threshold on how many writing tips you can gather before they stop being useful. If you find them interesting, that's one thing. That's fine. But if the culture of creativity online has made you feel like you need to educate yourself on every possible angle before you can write a story, you are actively harming yourself.

Imagine taking the level of structure you put on yourself in that way and putting it on children playing pretend in the backyard. Oh, Susie, don't you know that it's overdone for your Kitsune have dead parents? Xyler, shouldn't you ask someone else before you decide how Spiderman would react to this? It would make no sense and they do not need it. Kids will make a whole world out of nothing and it's the most fucked thing in my heart that at some point they get access to Reddit and dipshits start insisting that's wrong.

They aren't wrong and you aren't either. Your favorite creative influencer can't tell you your story, strangers on the internet can't tell you your story, your teachers and loved ones can't tell you your story. They can influence it, but they can't write it honestly the way you can.

You do that. That's the thing you do.

Man that makes me upset. I can't tell you how to make a story, either. If anyone sends me asks for writing advice the most I'll do is say what I've done before hopping into your DMs and starting a direct conversation. it's so personal to each individual artist, and I'd like to think that the people selling these classes and software and promoting these platforms haven't thought about that before. Otherwise it does feel manipulative. If you have a willingness to practice and imagine and really experiment with the possibilities, you are ready to write your story.

And if it doesn't work? Try again. That's what you do.

Stephen King has written roughly a thousand books and maybe five of them have decent endings. He is unimaginably successful.

I'm rambling now. I think I got that out of my system. I was really worried to say this out of fear of being too weird or somehow reverse-gatekeeping so hard that it circles back into also being a bad thing. I've just spoken to a lot of people who I still think of throughout my day, and I truly ache for them to get past the fear of creation. Because it's worth it. It's worth it and it's fun, even when it's messy and you're tired.

Let it Be just came on. Beatles. I haven't listened to The Beatles in a long time. Feels a little apropos.

I love you, reader. Reader, Writer, Colleague. Take care of yourself. Especially the little you, still sitting there in the backyard of your soul, bathing in the sun with their bare feet in the damp earth.

Consider joining them, maybe.

[thatchickwiththecamera]

The Band Director | A Matt Dierkes One Shot

Pairing: Matt Dierkes x OFC

It was the last professional development day before the first day of school and rumors about the newest member of the arts program were already spreading like wildfire.

Emma Clarke wasn’t one for gossip, usually keeping to herself in her orchestra classroom tucked away in one corner of the fine arts wing. But from what she heard, the new guy seemed like he matched everything opposite of what her boss usually sought out in a new hire. 

Mike Roberts, the old band director, had retired after commanding the band program at Westbrook High for over twenty years. The old man had become like a father figure to Emma when she was first hired almost five years earlier as a bright eyed rookie teacher and helped her revitalize the school’s otherwise subpar strings program. 

This new guy was inheriting one of the most highly decorated band programs in the tri-state area and she was worried he was going to possibly tarnish that legacy. 

Tara Parker, the choir director and Emma’s best friend, plopped down in the chair next to her. A wide smile on her face. 

"Are you ready for the first day?” She asked. “Faculty members have already started taking bets on how long it’ll take before the new guy goes crazy."

Emma chuckled, though not without a trace of concern. 

“Did Humphries sip one too many Pina Colada while he and Missy were in Cancun this summer?”

Tara raised an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, I was surprised when I heard too – new guy isn't his usual sweater vest and khakis type"

"No kidding," Emma muttered. 

"Hey, if you ask me – it's long overdue. And who knows maybe he’s cute?," Tara teased with a wink. 

Emma just rolled her eyes in response and returned to scanning her meeting notes. 

“Good Morning, Bobcats!” said Peter Humphries, the principal of Westbrook High.  

“Before we begin I’d like to introduce our newest faculty member,” he said, his voice carrying through the room. “Let’s welcome Matt Dierkes, our new band director. Matt’s joining us all the way from Texas this year, and we’re excited to have him on board.”

Emma raised an eyebrow as Matt stepped up. He was tall with a mess of light brown hair that fell a little past his shoulders. He wore a black Slipknot t-shirt, loose fitting pants, and a pair of crisp Nike sneakers.

He looked like a student compared to Peter who stood next to him in his pressed khakis, white oxford shirt and perfectly knotted bowtie. 

He gave a slight, almost awkward wave to the room. 

“Hey everyone,” Matt said, his tone casual but with a quiet confidence that didn’t quite match his laid-back appearance. “I’m Matt. Looking forward to working with you all.”

Humphries smiled and motioned to Emma. 

“Matt, why don’t you sit next to Emma here. She’s our orchestra director, and you two will be working closely together.”

Matt turned toward Emma, offering a nod. 

"Nice to meet you."

Emma offered a polite smile. 

“Likewise,” she said coolly, though she couldn’t help the faint sense of skepticism she felt creeping in. 

Professionalism, she reminded herself. Be professional.

The rest of the meeting passed without incident, but Emma couldn’t shake the impression that working with Matt wasn’t going to be anything like working with Mike had been. His laid-back demeanor, his reluctance to dive into details about his approach to teaching, didn’t sit well with her.

Matt had a casual, carefree approach to teaching that Emma found annoying at first. He didn’t enforce the same strict structure that Emma did in her orchestra classroom.

Instead, he leaned into the rebellious spirit of his students, letting them play what they wanted, when they wanted, as long as they showed up and did their best.

Emma, on the other hand, ran a tight ship—every note had a place, every bow stroke was deliberate. If she heard a wrong note in rehearsal, you could be sure she'd address it immediately.

As the year went on, the tension between Emma and Matt only grew. They were polite, yes, but their conversations were stiff, like the occasional meeting of two competing generals on a battlefield. It wasn’t long before the war began. . 

The first strike was simple enough: an air horn duct taped under the chair on the conductor’s podium in the orchestra room. Not exactly a masterpiece, but certainly a message. Matt had been in his office and let out a chuckle when he heard the horn sound across the hallway. 

It didn’t take long for her to get her revenge.

The next day, she arrived early to school equipped with multiple rolls of colored and patterned duct tape. She quickly got to work. She spent nearly thirty minutes carefully covering his office door, effectively taping it shut, leaving no way for him to get in without cutting through the thick brightly colored patch of tape. The satisfaction of hearing Matt’s muffled curses from across the hall when he arrived was all Emma needed.

But the response was swift. 

By the end of the week, Matt had placed a dozen small plastic spiders in the various instrument cases in the storage room. They weren’t big, and most of the kids thought they were funny, but Emma’s skin crawled every time spotted another one upon opening a case.  

The worst part? She couldn’t even stay mad. Despite her annoyance, she started to admire his creativity. And maybe even his persistence.

But the battle was far from over.

A few weeks later, when the students were out of the band room performing at the local elementary school, she made her next move. 

It wasn’t anything elaborate—just a simple switcheroo. 

She replaced Matt’s prized vinyl collection on his desk with an assortment of Disney soundtracks. Placing the Frozen soundtrack on the platter and positioning the needle so it was ready to play the second he turned it on with the volume turned all the way up. She laughed as she heard Idina Menzel’s voice belting “Let It Go” from across the hall. 

It was on. 

A few weeks later, after a long rehearsal in the theater, Emma walked into her orchestra classroom to find her office completely covered in aluminum foil. The edges of the desk were neatly folded, the shiny surface gleaming under the fluorescent lights. Even her violin case and its contents were individually wrapped. 

“Dierkes,” Emma muttered to herself as she got busy unwrapping her desk like a present, balling up the foil and tossing it into the trash. 

As she finished unwrapping the cake of rosin and returning it to its compartment, she moved to unwrap her bow. But discovered that it had been replaced by a pair of Vic Firth drumsticks taped together at the ends. 

Underneath her violin was a note that read: “You better tune up, or we’re going to turn you into a percussionist.”

“I swear to God,” Emma muttered.

A few weeks later Matt walked out of school and paused in the parking lot. The view before him made him throw his head back and laughed.

Emma had chosen his car as the next target. 

She had covered it. Every inch. With sticky notes. Thousands of them, of various colors, stacked layer by layer, until his car looked like a giant, colorful post-it note collage. 

“Alright, Clarke. It's on!” he said as he began the process of removing the colorful paper so he could drive home. 

Meanwhile, Tara Parker quietly observed the war from her little neutral corner of the fine arts wing. She found herself amused at how the prank war was slowly starting to reflect a deeper rivalry. But she also noticed something else. Emma, in all her frustration, would often come to her after these pranks with a strange light in her eyes—a mixture of exasperation and, dare she say, attraction?

"I just don’t get it," Emma said one afternoon, venting after the latest prank. "He thinks it’s funny. But it’s disrespectful—and he’s so irritating."

Tara smirked. 

"You know what they say—there’s a thin line between love and hate."

Emma glared at her. 

"I’m not even going to entertain that with a response."

"Oh, come on, you two are totally flirting." Tara exclaimed. 

Emma crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes. 

"I’m not flirting with him, Tara. I’m trying to maintain some professional boundaries."

"Sure you are, Em." Tara grinned. "Sure you are."

As the prank war continued to escalate, the students in both the orchestra and the band began to notice. They watched, listened, and observed how their teachers interacted—or rather, how they didn’t interact.

While Emma and Matt seemed to be locked in a perpetual battle of wits and tricks, there was an undeniable tension in the air. It wasn’t just rivalry. It was something else. 

And the students knew it. 

“Honestly, it’s like they’re meant to be. I’m just waiting for them to kiss and make up already.” a trombone player named Caleb stated. 

“Kiss? Seriously?” replied a violinist named Mia. 

Caleb shrugged, grinning. 

“You don’t see it? The way they look at each other when they think no one’s watching? It’s so obvious.”

Mia didn’t know if she believed it, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized there was truth in what Caleb said. 

There was something in the way Miss Clarke’s eyes flickered when Mr. Dierkes pulled off a prank—or the way he seemed to linger near the orchestra room door, just to get a glimpse of her reaction. 

Mia, Caleb, and a few other students from both programs decided it was time to stop waiting for their teachers to figure it out on their own. They were going to play matchmaker whether Ms. Clarke or Mr. Dierkes liked it or not.

The night of the spring concert had arrived, and the auditorium was buzzing with excitement. The orchestra and band students were backstage, finalizing their preparations for the big show.

Emma stood in the wings, reviewing her notes for the final piece, her nerves humming with the familiar thrill of performance. But even as her students filed in for their warm-up, her attention kept drifting toward Matt who stood talking to some of his students at the back of the theater. 

It was impossible not to. After months of subtle pranks, sharp words, and the unspoken tension between them, something had shifted. There was no denying it anymore. She was drawn to him.

Every glance, every challenge, every word between them had built to this moment. But neither of them had acknowledged it—until now.

“You two really need to figure this out already!”

She jumped at the sound of Tara’s voice as she appeared next to her.

“Jesus! I need to put a bell on you!” Emma shot her a glare. “What do you mean ‘figure it out’? We’re colleagues.”

“Right and I’m Maria Callas about to perform at the Met,” Tara jokingly proclaimed, stepping away with a wink that left Emma fuming—and, strangely, flustered.

As the orchestra and band were getting ready backstage, Mia and Caleb exchanged a look. 

The plan was in motion.

Just as the students were leaving the stage following warmups, Emma found herself unexpectedly pulled aside by Tara, who told her that there was trouble brewing between some students in the band room. 

With a sigh, Emma reluctantly let herself be herded down the hall. 

As Emma rounded the corner she found the door to the band room wide open, a few students loitering just outside.

“They’re in there!” stated Mia frantically pointing inside. 

She hurried inside ready to intervene in whatever scuffle she was going to find but her concern turned to confusion when she discovered that no one was there. 

Then, the door slammed shut behind her.

“Wait—” Emma called out, but it was too late.

The lock clicked.

“Are you serious!?” Emma spun around, realizing that the door was locked. 

“This isn’t funny guys!” She called out, but no one answered. 

She pressed her ear to the door and heard nothing but muffled whispers and laughter.

“What happened?” Matt asked, emerging from his office. 

“They locked us in here,” she replied, voice rising in frustration. “This is ridiculous!”

“It's exactly what you need!” yelled a muffled voice from outside. 

The voice belonged to Tara. 

“Now I’m going to go and handle the students while y'all have a nice chat!”

“Un-fucking-believeable!” she exclaimed before pounding on the door again. 

She stopped when she heard laughter coming from the man behind her.  

“Looks like our students have been conspiring against us and they recruited Parker too.” Matt chuckled softly, his gaze scanning her face. 

She gave him a puzzled look. 

Matt crossed his arms, leaning against the wall, a sly grin playing on his lips. 

“You heard me. Mia, Caleb, the rest of them—they’re the ones who locked us in here.”

“And Tara helped,” she sighed. 

“Oh yeah,” Matt confirmed. “Some of my students aren’t exactly quiet talkers. They have this half brained idea that we’re perfect for each other.” 

“Right”, Emma rolled her eyes.

Matt said nothing, instead taking a step closer. 

She cut her eyes at him as she took a step back. 

He took another step toward her, his eyes gleaming with that same playful mischief that had driven her insane all year. 

“You think this is funny, don’t you?” she whispered, her pulse quickening as her back connected with the cool cinder block wall. 

“You’re the one who’s been avoiding me for the past week,” Matt said, his gaze dropping to her lips. “I’m just giving you a chance to make up your mind.”

Emma took a shaky breath, chin raised defiantly. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Dierkes.”

“Come on. You’ve felt it too. The tension, the attraction. It’s been there from the start, hasn’t it?” 

She opened her mouth to argue but couldn’t find the words. There was something about the way he was looking at her now, with that vulnerability in his eyes, that made her heart race.

Before she could even process what was happening, he leaned in, his lips hovering just inches from hers. Emma’s breath hitched, and her body seemed to betray her, drawn toward him as if she had no control over it. The tension that had been building between them, the unspoken connection, was suddenly undeniable.

“Matt…” she murmured, her voice trembling with the weight of everything unsaid.

And then, as if all the walls between them had finally collapsed, he kissed her.

It was slow at first, tentative, but then the kiss deepened, and all of Emma’s reservations melted away. She didn’t care that they were coworkers. She didn’t care that it was reckless. All she knew was that Matt Dierkes had broken through every wall she had built around herself.

When they finally pulled apart, both of them breathless, Matt leaned his forehead against hers, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“I think they were right,” he said, his voice low. “We are pretty perfect for each other.”

Emma shook her head, still dazed from the kiss. 

“You’re impossible,” she whispered, but there was no denying the smile that crept across her face.

“Yeah, but you like it,” he replied with a wink.

A beat passed before Matt’s grin turned mischievous. 

“So, Miss Clarke… what’s next? You gonna launch a counterattack?”

She smirked, shaking her head. “I think I’ve found a new strategy.”

“Yeah?” Matt leaned in, his lips brushing against her ear. “What’s that?”

She met his gaze, her voice low but confident. “Truce?.”

Matt raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Really,” Emma replied, the teasing glint in her eyes unmistakable. "For today."

With that, he leaned in to kiss her again. 

They separated as they heard the door unlock with a click and turned to see the figure of Tara Parker slip inside the door. Her hand covering her eyes. 

“Yall Decent!?” She asked jokingly before taking a peek through her fingers and the image of the two of them in an embrace brought a smile to her face. 

“Finally! Took you two long enough.” She glanced at Matt, then back at Emma. “So, are you two going to just keep pretending you hate each other, or...?”

“We…are going to have a little chat later!,” Emma grumbled at her best friend, but there was no real heat in her words. 

The frustration, the fight—it all seemed so trivial now. She glanced at Matt again, a warmth spreading through her chest as she caught him looking back at her.

"Hey," Tara said, throwing her hands up defensively. "I’m just trying to help the kids. Someone had to push you two together. You were never going to do it yourself."

Emma couldn’t help but laugh, the sound still a little nervous but light. 

“Maybe you’re right. But next time, try a little less...kidnap and confinement-ey.”

Tara laughed, raising her hands in mock surrender. “In my defense that was the kids idea, I just found the keys and did the locking and supervising” 

Tara, still grinning like the mischievous instigator she was, stepped back toward the door. 

“I’ll let you two enjoy your… victory. Don’t take too long though we still have a concert to get through.”

As the door shut behind her, Emma and Matt stood together in the silence that followed, the lingering electricity between them unmistakable.

“So,” Matt said, his voice suddenly quieter, more serious, “what happens now?”

Emma looked up at him, her thoughts tumbling in her mind. She’d spent so much time resisting this—resisting him. And yet, now that they were on the other side of the pranks, the games, and the tension, she could feel something shifting in her chest. She wasn’t sure what it was exactly—fear, excitement, uncertainty—but she knew one thing for sure: she liked this feeling and didn’t want it to end.

“I don’t know,” she said softly, meeting his gaze with a new kind of openness. “But I’m pretty sure we’ll figure it out.”

Matt smiled, a little more vulnerable than before, his hand brushing against hers for a brief, almost tentative moment. “Good,” he said, his voice low. “Because you already know I don’t give up that easily.” 

[musingsofalovelymillenial]

Non and Kru Keng!

Dead Friend Forever Ep 7 - extended opinion ( long-ish post)

Trigger Warnings : Sexual abuse, sexual coercion, grooming, etc. 

Since episode 7 aired I have been appalled at the number of posts I have seen regarding Non and Keng and Non’s behavior. Before I dive into ( and yes this is me letting out my anger regarding things I have seen) I want to provide some background that is also a basis for my personal opinion.  I also want to state that while I truly believe everyone is titled to their own opinion there are certain things that are wrong and should not be romanticized/glossed over.

My professional background is in psychology, social work and human service ( dealing with abuse and domestic violence)

My personal background also makes what is happening to Non even harder to watch. Episodes 5, 6 and 7 took me a while to get through and resulted honestly in needing to detach for a while. I grew up attending middle school and high school in an area where most of the students attending my schools were wealthy. During that time I and my friends experienced severe bullying for being poor and for not living the way everyone else did. For context we lived 20 minutes away from our school where almost everyone lived surrounding the school and we lived in a trailer park and even though our bus was overcrowded all the trailer park children rode one bus. We as a group were constantly in trouble even when we did nothing wrong, our vice principal called us trailer trash to our faces on our bus and the kids at school were cruel and treated us like we were disgusting and not good enough. When we were “lucky” enough to be invited to their houses we were watched more than the other kids and we were not treated the same way by the parents compared to their fellow friends from the same income level.  We were taught by everyone around us that we should be and were inferior ( we were not!).  During this time there was also one of my bullies who everyday would not only verbally harass me but sexually harass me at my locker and the worst part at the time was that there were either the kids that ignored that it was happening or the kids who laughed. I can't speak for my few friends at the time but what made all this worse was because school was not the only place I had problems. At home my father was an alcoholic and on any given day my house was a cocktail mixture of verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and domestic violence. After a while I not only started feeling sick a lot but I eventually stopped going to school and would stay home “sick” to avoid school ( both my parents worked so I would be alone during the day). Around this time was really when I developed anxiety, depression and for the first time battled with suicidal thoughts. This went on for a long time. When things finally had their culminating point of me finally opening up at least about what was happening at school. My mom was the first person to ask me and later as an adult in therapy my therapist also asked why did I never tell anyone what was happening to me? The answer was truly simple, complex but simple. I did not want to burden anyone. I told my mom she already dealt with so much because of my father and how he treated us that I did not want to add one more burden to her already full plate. I felt that if I could just handle it on my own it would be fine, eventually it would stop or these people who were cruel would just give up. I also felt ashamed and disgusted by what was happening. I also told my therapist (as an adult looking back on that time) that why would I tell anyone when the kids in the hallway made it clear they did not care and the adults ( teachers and office staff) who I should have been able to trust made it clear they did not like us either simply because of where we live and our income level.  

Now back to Dead Friend Forever

Here are the definitions for Abuse of Power, Sexual Coercion and Grooming.

Abuse of power is when someone misuses their authority or higher position in a hierarchy to take advantage of, coerce or harm other people. And it can lead to different types of abuse, such as psychological, physical, financial and sexual abuse.

Sexual coercion is using pressure or influence to get someone to agree to sex. People can knowingly coerce others into sex, such as learning manipulative pick-up artist strategies, or unknowingly, such as assuming the other person is OK when they're not.

Grooming is a tactic where someone methodically builds a trusting relationship with a child or young adult, their family, and community to manipulate, coerce, or force the child or young adult to engage in sexual activities.

More information about grooming:

Because they were groomed, children and teens who were abused often feel that they were in some way responsible for the abuse. This is especially true for teens who feel that they went into the situation willingly and thus in some way it was their fault. This shame and guilt then prevents them from reporting, as they fear that no one will believe them. In fact, many teens who have been groomed are confused as to whether what happened to them actually constituted abuse as it didn’t follow the stereotypical pattern of a violent rape. In many cases this confusion can prevent or delay reporting for many years.

Non was groomed and then sexually assaulted regardless whether it seemed like he consented. Let me say it louder for the people in the back! 

Kru Keng sexually assaulted Non! He did not ”cheat” on Phee. Did he lie to Phee yes, but he did not cheat in the stereotypically what we as a society view cheating. 

the signs or steps of grooming with examples from the episode: 

Make you feel like you owe them. Because you are in a relationship, because you’ve had sex  before or because they give/spend money on you or because you go home with them they are owed for these behaviors.

We see Keng offer Non a ride home and he then offers him money to get out of his situation. We don’t see him doing these things with other students.

Victim Selection: abusers often observe possible victims and select them based on ease of access to them or their perceived vulnerability. 

Keng clocks that Non is vulnerable the first time he is in the study class and even looks back at him after scolding Top and asking Non for his name. We see this through the several times he brings up how Non is having friend problems or how he doesn't want to work with Tee, and Non unfortunately mentions how just knowing someone cares makes him feel better which makes Keng even more aware of how alone Non seems to be. 

Gaining access and isolating the victim: abusers will attempt to physically or emotionally separate a victim from those protecting them and often seek out positions in which they have contact with minors. 

Keng has perfect access as a math tutor/teacher to have contact with minors.  Also he always has Non come to his office or meet him alone despite the fact that his office is in a seemingly more isolated place than the classrooms.

Trust development and keeping secrets: abusers attempt to gain trust of victims through gifts, sharing secrets, etc.

Keng not only praises Non as a student but also then tells him things like I want to help you anyway I can, I noticed that you are sad, I can give you money to help you because I view you like a brother, I now know your secret regarding Tee and the money so I am someone you can trust.

Desensitization to touch : abusers will often start to touch a victim in ways that appear harmless and later escalate to increasingly more sexual contact. 

Keng touches Non’s shoulder seemingly to comfort him, the next time he is holding his hand, then he is holding his hand on his knee and rubbing the back of his hand. All these on their own could be innocent and seem like comfort or being friendly. Until Keng kisses Non crossing that line and leading directly to assaulting him. 

Attempt by abusers to make their behavior seem natural: to avoid raising suspicions. For teens who may be particularly close in age to the abuser it can be hard to recognize grooming tactics. 

I feel for Non because we see how he is not happy and is actually crying when he hugs Phee the first time when Keng kisses him and then we see him come down to meet Phee. Also Non is trapped in a situation where he is being manipulated and being taken advantage of and sees little to no way out of this financial mess with the money laundering. We, as an audience, saw the fight with his family after where his mother says she is embarrassed because of him and says to Non’s father that if he weren’t a loser then Non wouldn’t be one too. Non very much is receiving a message whether she meant it or not because emotions were high is irrelevant. Non is receiving the message that he is a burden and an embarrassment. Non is aware of his family's financial situation as well. We see him say it to Phee several times about how he wants to solve his own problems and he does not want to burden people. I do not think Non lied to Phee because he wanted to, I think he did it because not only would it put another thing on Phee’s shoulders after he already went to his dad once for Non but also puts Non in a vulnerable position. I personally was asked many times by people oh are you okay? Are you sure everything is good because you look upset? And everytime I lied because I didn't want to be a burden but I also never wanted to look at myself as a victim or admit that I was a victim because that bit of fragile control on my life was one of the only things I could control. And as an adult I have had the chance to talk to some people I knew at the time and they all told me they knew I was lying about being okay or even though I cried and then would say I was fine, I wasn’t. But they all felt like if they pushed me to talk I would never tell them and my one friend said point blank at least I could make you forget about it for a while even if I didn’t really know what you wanted a distraction from. I 100% feel this is exactly what is Non’s perspective. He cannot control how Por, Tee, Top, Fluke and even Jin treat him. He cannot control how his parents view him. He cannot control Phee or Phee’s decisions to love or help him. He cannot control Keng. He cannot take back getting involved with Tee and the money laundering or the consequences of that. What Non can control is how he feels or what he takes control of. Non can control whether he views himself as a victim. He can also control whether he finishes the movie that he wrote the script for. The movie and script are something he did, they come from him and are something at the end of the day regardless of anyone else he Non can be proud of. I think while we may not view his staying with the group healthy and it's not, or his lying to Phee about things that are happening good cause it’s not; it makes sense to Non. Because again he is a teenager who is vulnerable and easily exploitable and has very little control and teenagers whose brains are not fully developed are making not only decisions they think are best or worst at the time but also making decisions based on what they know at that moment.  Seeing people who are watching this show and who are hating on Non or do not understand what happened between Non and Keng infuriate me. Should we all feel bad for Phee? Yes. He wants to be there for Non, he loves him and wants to care , on top of knowing that Non is being bullied and seeing what Keng did has to be heartbreaking and frustrating. Also without context to their conversations Phee as a fellow teenager may not be aware or understand fully what Keng did to Non is not on Non. 

You can feel bad for Phee without victim blaming Non.

Non made poor choices regarding his trust with Phee or his ability to trust Phee but none of those things mean that he deserved what happened or that because it seems like he consented that it is all just fine and he cheated on Phee and had sex with Keng. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk!! 

[thelastairsimblr]

Family Pack #3

I’m happy to share some sims with you all today! In this post, you’ll find 10 households (40 sims total), each with their own stories and biographies. All of these sims have additional Everyday outfits, skills, bonus traits, Likes and Dislikes, sexual orientations, pronouns, family dynamics, and Lifestyles. You can find them all on the gallery under my Origin ID: TheLastAirSimmer or in the tray files linked under the cut! As always, feel free to tag me if you end up using them.

Guillroy-Jeong

Some families don’t survive a divorce. That wasn’t the case for the Guillory’s; in fact, it only brought Aston and Déon closer. Déon had never considered that the fisherman was experiencing a midlife crisis until he married Willow, a joyful artist half his age. Things were tense initially, but seeing how happy she made Aston was enough to diffuse the tension until Uriel arrived. Déon wants to support this new dynamic, but a needy toddler in the mix might force them to branch out of their bubble.

Carbone

For better or worse, Greta has always been one to stand by her choices. She’s had a song in her heart from a young age, but put her dreams of being a pianist to the side once Albie was born. She works as a teacher to support her family, but hopes one day to play again. However, it would be good enough to see Albie fulfill his own dreams of becoming a professional dancer, temperamental though he may be. Like her mother and brother, Beatrice too is unapologetically developing musical aspirations.

Duggal

When Bikram and Mia wed, they agreed their careers would come first before starting a family. Their first pregnancy surprised them, but Bikram pivoted to adjust to the new circumstances. Mia, however, was eager to get back to work after the birth. As a doctor, she provided enough for Bikram to cut back at the restaurant and care for Parker. There was a cost, though; today, Parker resents Mia. Wanting to avoid repeating that mistake, Mia is keen on loving her boys, the nerdy Antwan and wary Levi.

Salamé

Being raised by Adeline had a profoundly different effect on her kids. Dasia, the eldest, often butted heads with the stubborn matriarch and found comfort in her high school sweetheart Imman. Baqil, the obvious favorite, stayed on the set path and wants to make her proud (coffee is his best friend when it comes to staying on top of his classes). Having married and had kids too young, Dasia and Imman reluctantly moved in and Adeline has since been keen on taking control of the girls’ rearing.

Lavigne-Jarrah

Falling for an artist was not at all what Rahim had planned. As an engineer, he values structure and practicality, but Gabrielle offers him a new lens to see the world through. This interior designer also takes note from her husband and has adopted his attention to detail in her own work. Their daughter Francesca has her moms’ creative spirit and shows promise (even if she focuses more on boys in her class than her painting skills) and Xavier is more interested in gaming than being book smart.

Newkirk

Landon had made many futile attempts to woo his high school crush Johanna, but it wasn’t until he sang a song for her on his guitar that she noticed him. They remain together today, accepting of the others’ quirks. Johanna can often fly off the handle, but Landon is always there to ease her mind. They try to do their part to save the world and instill ecofriendly values in their kids; lessons that young Averie has taken in good spirits. The unpredictable Reagan, however, is a different story.

Tillman

Not long ago, Siobhan was living her dream; traveling and performing music with her friends. But creative differences led to a massive falling out and the band split up. Now directionless, she moved in with her older sister Bianca, who was happy to reconnect after years apart (and maybe get some help with her two boys) but Siobhan may as well be a third child. Desmond and Cale love having their aunt around though, and it’s nice at times to get a reprieve so Bianca can focus on her meditation.

Oertel

A woman of science with a lot of love to give, Sandra knew early on that she wanted to have a child and give them the warm upbringing that she never had. Despite not having a partner, she decided to undergo in-vitro fertilization. She certainly did a good job of instilling Jonas with a high level of confidence (almost to a point of arrogance) and even as a grown man, he has Sandra wrapped around his finger. He doesn’t take his studies seriously, but has a passion for all things outdoors.

Kwame-Zhang

Lily and Daphanie were ready to take on San Myshuno and on their way to becoming a power couple. Or so Lily thought, until Daphanie changed course. After adopting the girls, Daphanie drove a hard bargain on moving to a quieter part of town. She was able to adjust as a fashion designer, sending off submissions from the comfort of her home. Lily however finds herself commuting to the city, unwilling to forfeit her spot as an up-and-coming food critic, despite missing quality time with her family.

Silva-Ortiz

Gustavo takes his values seriously and expects others to do the same. Quite a negotiator, his wife Flavia is able to use her husbands’ political network to pass her green initiatives around town. Though cohesive as a pair, they differed in their parenting styles; Flavia always trusted her sons’ judgement while Gustavo often quarreled with their eldest Robbie, who only wants to party. Averse to conflict, Paolo does as he’s told, even forgoing his own wants to throw himself fully into his studies.

[jgroffdaily]

As the last of the families finished smiling and posing for photos with Jonathan Groff and Miss Amie Vanité (drag performer Christopher Paolini) after the second of two story hours at the Lancaster Convention Center Saturday afternoon — in support of Lancaster Pride and the Lancaster Public Library — the two had a few minutes to talk about the day, and Groff, a bit about his Tony Award experience and his career.

This Q&A has been edited for length and clarity.

Jonathan, you’re here doing an event raising money for the Lancaster Public Library, as well as Lancaster Pride. Is there a book you’re reading, or have read recently, that you can recommend?

Miss Amie Vanité: He recommended I read Barbra’s book.

Jonathan Groff: That’s the one. Thank you! I am now over halfway through the audio book of “My Name is Barbra,” the Barbra Streisand memoir. I’ve gotten up to her directing “Yentl.” I was just listening to it yesterday while I was making dinner.

Which library did you go to as a child?

Groff: Lancaster Library and Strasburg Library. And the libraries in my elementary school, Smoketown [Elementary], and middle school. My library teacher was here today! Did you have a school library you went to, Miss Amie?

Miss Amie: I had a school library that I was in all the time. I went to the Reading Public Library and the Wyomissing Public Library.

Groff to Miss Amie: What was your favorite book that you read today [at the story hour]?

Miss Amie: That’s a toss-up between “If You Plant a Seed” [by Kadir Nelson] and “One Equals Many” [by Sonny Dean]. They’re so short, but they’re so poignant and so important.

Jonathan, you have been involved in Pride events in bigger cities. You were the grand marshal of the New York City Pride Parade (in 2014). This is your first event for Lancaster Pride ... .

Groff: This means more to me than anything I’ve ever done, at any Pride event. To be back in Lancaster, to be sitting next to Miss Amie. This combination of celebrating Pride and being in my hometown is unparalleled. It’s incredible.

Miss Amie: I was so blown away and excited that you wanted to come and do this and be a part of us here. It means the world.

Groff: To me, too.

Jonathan, a lot of the interviews you did with national media, leading up to the Tony Awards, seemed very introspective. You talked a lot about the 20 years since you moved to New York, and how your career has evolved since then. What did you learn from that?

Groff: It’s part of why I’m here right now. That opportunity of “Merrily [We Roll Along],” for the actors and the characters and also for the audience, was to really become introspective and look back on your life — things that worked out, things that didn’t work out, regrets, mistakes you’ve made, and when I read about what had happened in March with Miss Amie [the cancellation of the library story time and threats received], I was in the middle of the “Merrily” run. And I can’t believe I’ve done all of these gay events and I’ve never gone to my hometown. I’ve gone home to celebrate the theater, and the theaters I’ve worked at, but I’ve never gone purely for Pride. So, when this happened, and I was receiving these articles that my friends from home were sending me, it felt like such an obvious invitation to pick up the phone and call Lancaster Pride and Miss Amie, and make good on what happened in March.

Can you talk at all about what’s next for you, professionally? It was reported in Deadline and elsewhere that you were performing in an industry reading last month, of a musical about [1960s pop star and activist] Bobby Darin, called “Just In Time” [with the possibility of it being developed for Broadway. Groff had performed a Bobby Darin concert at New York’s 92nd Street Y in 2018].

Groff: Yes. We did that, and it went great. And it was really fun, and we’ll see what happens.

Has the type or volume of the [job] offers that you get changed since winning the Tony Award?

Groff: Yes. It’s more emails, more texts. It’s amazing.

I put Lancaster in the first sentence of my [Tony acceptance] speech because I love this city so much and I love this county so much, and I really prepared what I said in that moment, because I thought, if I get the chance to speak, I want to make sure I’m very intentional about every word that I’m saying. Because I’ve officiated five weddings now, and I started to, at the second and third wedding, comprehend the value of what you say when people are listening. And that goes from that moment, that opportunity I had to speak at the Tonys, all the way to this moment today with Miss Amie. It matters. It matters what we say and what we do, and it’s important to be intentional about those things. I learned that from that experience. And I’m feeling the ripple effects of that even months later

What was going through your mind between the time you heard your name called [as the Tony winner] and the time you got to the stage to make your speech?

Groff: I was really conscious of the people I was embracing. So I remember seeing my mom, my dad, my brother, our director, Maria [Friedman], who had just lost in her category ... and I lifted her up [off her feet]. Saw Dan [Radcliffe, his “Merrily” co-star], and then I remember thinking I have to get this out as fast as possible, because I have, I think, 45 seconds, and I wanted to say what’s in my heart. So that was the big goal.

Anything else you’re working on that you can talk about?

Groff: Unfortunately, I can’t. But when I can, I’ll let you know.

Is there any category of entertainment job — writing, directing, Shakespeare, a superhero film — that you’re especially anxious to explore?

Groff: I’m open to everything. Today it’s story time with Miss Amie.

[tani-b-art]

Janine’s district era has officially come to an end.

This episode activated my emotions more than I was expecting. [The way Quinta emoted her anxiety…had me — you (and your acting coach) absolutely deserve a standing ovation for capturing it in motion.]

I wanted to reach through the screen and hug her and calm her down on the fact alone that you could literally feel the sensory overload she was experiencing. I felt myself on the verge of crying because you could see Janine wanted this to work. So bad she wanted it to. Work in that she could do both somehow. Everything was bombarding her and she was panicking. And the reality was the position was becoming real in that she was finalizing everything to say “yes”. I thought she was about to have a breakdown right then and there. She was overwhelmed and feeling the permanence of her decision to be away from Abbott.

But there was no way she was staying away from her Abbott kids a school day longer! Because she luh them kids! So much and that’s the most touching thing about her. Her enormous love for what she does, where she does it and who she does it for.

Janine was never going to stay at the district. You could see that the minute the position was offered to her that her heart was already in limbo. She was never going to stay there only because she didn’t belong there. Her heartstrings were always pulling towards her home and her home is Abbott.

But what’s she’s gained in development professionally and personally is probably what was her true purpose to be there. And the confidence she gained while there. She’s always been confident but now her confidence is with assurance. They had full support for her and championed behind her. Her voice was heard. Her ideas were heard and backed up and she was acknowledged in a way the Abbott crew really hadn’t and didn’t (they partially do now but initially not at all). All the achievements, gains and successes she accomplished in her short amount of time there was so Janine-esque! Boss-mode! Big Teagues! Sis created and got whole approved programs in less than a year. She gets to see the fruits of her efforts too now that she’s back at Abbott and everyone (students and teachers) benefits from it (the library and gardening programs that both her crushes Ava & Gregory are enjoying).

Had a glow up in many ways (check the new and improved fits, hair, makeup, accessories)! An inward and outward glow up! It looks good on her—all the glow!

Even came back to Abbott able to be more assertive and standup to her peers that she otherwise wouldn’t have had the courage to do before (her work mom Barbara).

She should be proud of herself. I am proud of her!

Her district peers gave her a boost of confidence I’m sure she’ll always be grateful for. And now, the Abbott crew has a new kind of respect for her. Btw - y’all saw how overly excited the squad (the quad being Barbara, Melissa, Gregory, Jacob, Mr. Johnson and Ava (even though she tried hard to pretend) was when she announced she was back!? They missed her and probably won’t ever admit that they really do like and enjoy all her quirky Janineisms! She fits with them and they fit with her and they’re a family.

Even though it was temporary, She needed to be at the district (if even for a season).

[kfkr1ze]

[002-A02] Welcome to the Mammoth School

Summary — ✈︎ Kaede enters Hama Asunaro High School. When entering the school, he stumbles upon students arguing with a rough atmosphere around them. Then, he sees a familiar face…

Characters— ✈︎ Sakujiro

Location: Hama Asunaro High School

Kaede: This is Hama Asunaro High School huh…

As you would expect from a mammoth school[1]… It’s big.

Umm, Kafka’s message saidーー

Kaede: He still has me left on delivered…

He’s probably purposefully ignoring the messages.

(The school’s already been informed I’m coming… right?

First, let me find a security guard or a receptionist robot. )

Student A: You guys should get lost already!

Kaede: (Hm…?)

Student A: We of “The Weavers of Light and Shadow using Ptolemaic Theory[2] Club” already reserved the time slot for this spot!

Student B: Hah? I haven’t heard anything about that though.

ーーWell, it’s not like whatever you’re saying matters in this situation. You know what this is, don’t you?

Student A: That’s…!

Student B: Yuuup～. That’s a Class 3 badge～.

Everyone on the soccer team here is a Class 3 or higher. Aren’t you guys Class 2 or lower? You sure are acting all high and mighty.

Why don’t you and your lower Class club go play around in the Old Building?

…Ah wait, that just exploded the other day though.

Student A: Guh…!

Kaede: (The atmosphere’s kinda rough over there…

That conversation had a bunch of dangerous words like Classes[3] and explosions too…)

(I’ll just stop eavesdropping and leaveーー)

Wah…!

Student B: Uwah…!? What’s that, all of a sudden!?

Kaede: (A volleyball got spiked from above…)

Student B: Hey, watch it, Volleyball Club!

You have some nerve underestimating people from Class 3… Come out already!

???: It is not just the “Volleyball Club”.

It is “The Liberated Volleyball Club with Liberated Bodies”.

Kaede: Sa-Sakujiro-san!? Wow, that was a sharp spike considering how close to the edge of the roof you areーー Wait no, what are you doing here!?

Student B: Karigane-sensei…!

Kaede: Huh? S-Sensei…?

Sakujiro: Hup!

Kaede: Wow, what a beautiful jump and landing… I mean! Why is he being called Sensei…?

Sakujiro: I could hear your conversation all the way from the roof.

That Class badge, did you obtain it for the sole purpose of belittling the people around you?

Student B: Uu…!

Sakujiro: You did not, correct? Thenーー

Both of you, please put your hands together and make up with a handshake.

Student B: M… My bad.

Student A: Nah, I was going a bit too far.

Kaede: (Seems the issue got settled… somehow. But, calling him Senseiーー)

Sakujiro: Yesterday’s enemy is today’s friend. I hope you’re able to get along well with each other.

Now! Members of the The Liberated Volleyball Club with Liberated Bodies, I shall return back to the rooftop, so please wait for me!

Kaede: (As expected of Sakujiro-san. Dashing right back to the sceneーー)

No, hold on a second. Sakujiro-san, don’t leave!

Kaede: So in other words, you’ve been working as a part-time undercover teacher for the past 3 months?

And Kafka didn’t order you to, you chose to on your own?

Sakujiro: Correct. I’ve been preparing for a situation such as this to occur.

After knowing the Young Master for so long, I’ve developed something of a sixth sense for these types of situations.

Kaede: Amazing… Even though they’re happening separately from each other, everything ends up connecting back to Kafka.

Sakujiro: Much obliged. 

ーーWell then, this way if you please. Let us make haste to the principal’s office.

While en route, I shall tell you more about this school.

Sakujiro: Hama Asunaro High Schoolーー Currently, there are 10,000 students currently enrolled.

It is a very big mammoth high school, with around 83 classes per grade level.

As society develops at a high paced rate in technology, the school prides itself in believing that human value is found in “spontaneous individuality”. Therefore, in the early stages, it focused on developing this through professional education in club activities.

Kaede: “Spontaneous individuality”...

Sakujiro: It is the individuality one gets from honing themselves while receiving guidance from their teacher.

Sakujiro: In Asu High, there is a system in place where that motivation is channeled into club activities and thus evaluated.

Various results were received, and thus a variety of different students with a range of personalities gathered all over the country to attend here.

The enrollment rate is said to be 80:1 compared to other schools.

Kaede: It’s a pretty difficult high school huh…

(Now that I think about it, didn’t Yuki-nii and the others graduate from Asu High? As I thought, they’re amazing…)

Sakujiro: After graduation, you can pursue many different careers. Such as politics, baseball, academics, and a variety of others.

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that earning a degree at this school is synonymous to a better life.

And the person who’s at the foundation of the school of such a unique system isーー

Sakujiro: Please excuse me.

The man who runs such a school has worked in HRD[4] jobs at widely renowned IT companies across the globe. He has been described as a coaching god and a prophet in human resources.

Sakujiro: He has a background that can only be described as one of the best in human research development. That is our principalーー Principal Naoe.

Principal Naoe: … Please excuse me, due to various circumstances, we will only be able to talk via audio. Thank you for meeting with me. I’m sorry for making you come all the way over here.

Kaede: Please don’t worry about it. …Nice to meet you, my name is Kaede Hamasaki.

(His icon in the call says “love”...)

Principal Naoe: Hahaha… There’s no need to be so worried. Let’s talk casually as people who share the same ideas.

Kaede: Ah, yes…

Principal Naoe: I received a call from the president at the place you workーー Kafka-kun. It seems he wants to select the next ward mayors for HAMA tourism from the younger generation.

That is a brilliant idea. I strongly agree with that decision.

After all, I believe the future lies with the younger generation.

Young people should want to shape the world that they live in. It falls on us as adults to lend them the support to do so.

Wouldn’t you agree?

Kaede: Yes, I believe that’s true.

Principal Naoe: Haha, that’s good. As long as you share the same feelings, it’s more than enough. I have high hopes when it comes to what you can do.

Then, as for students who may be candidates for ward mayors, we established a club called the Community Revitalization Club and have gathered potential students already.

As for you, you will be enrolled as the club’s outside club instructor.

Kaede: In-Instructor!? That’s a big role…

Principal Naoe: What of it? You have Karigane-sensei to lend you a hand as well, so there shouldn’t be any issues.

I’ve already told you, haven't I?  As long as you share the same feelings, it’s more than enough.

Kaede: …

Sakujiro: Principal, if I may?

Principal Naoe: Go ahead, Karigane-sensei.

Sakujiro: If I’m not mistaken, the students who are enrolled in the Community Revitalization Club were Class 1 students, were they not?

Kaede: (Class 1 students? Oh right, the kids outside were also saying something about Classes…)

Sakujiro: Although Kaede-san is someone with strong ambitions, and I hope I am not being frank when I say this, he is still an amateur at teaching.

I fear that if he were to be put in charge of Class 1 students, he would become overwhelmed.

Principal Naoe: Ah, now that you mention it, you’re right. Butーー

Here’s what I think. The Class 1 students are diamonds in the rough.

Kaede: …

Principal Naoe: From here, they could become gemstones which shine a variety of different colors. To put it in another way, there are endless possibilities with them.

When you see the possibilities they hold, the lovelier they are. I’m sure that Kaede-san will come to realize this. 

Kaede: Yes…

Principal Naoe: By the way, Karigane-sensei.

What do you say? Will you finally accept my offer of the position to be a full time teacher?

Sakujiro: I thank you for the opportunity, but I’m afraid I will have to refuse that offer yet again.

Principal Naoe: Hahaha! You’re as cold as ever aren’t you?

Well then, as I recover from the heartbreak of getting rejected for the 67th time, feel free to show him around.

Please excuse me.

Kaede: Yes! Um… Thank you very much!

Principal Naoe: Good luck, young man.

Kaede: (He left… He was a little strange…)

Sakujiro: Let’s hurry to the club room, shall we?

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Notes — ✈︎

A mammoth school is a huge school that has an enormous amount of students and classrooms. Sakujiro explains the size of Asu High, but “mammoth school” isn’t the most common phrase ever so I thought I should explain

Ptolemaic theory is the theory that Earth is at the center of the universe while everything else revolves around it. “The Weavers of Light and Shadow using Ptolemaic Theory” is a fancy way of saying they’re just using the shadows and sunlight to test this theory.

Sure you’re aware by now but just in case you're not! Classes in this case are basically referring to social classes. In Asu High, there are Classes 1-5, 5 being the highest of the Classes. I’ll always capitalize Classes when I’m talking about the hierarchical system as opposed to the regular school classes.

HRD - Human Resource Development, IT - Information Technologies

The chat image has a description in case you can't read it! I'm not sure how that looks like on tumblr so I hope you're able to access it! If needed, I can add the transcript here as well.

[books-and-kids]

I know it's been a while since I've posted. I took a step back from hosting and have been focused on supporting Coco and Charlie's mom. Babysitting, picking things up for her (she doesn't have a car, I do), etc. She's struggling and I want to help.

My worry is that Coco is 2.5yo and not speaking. She says "hi" and "mama" occasionally, but nothing else. She seems to be tracking what I say - the kids were over yesterday and I told Charlie that we were leaving in 10 minutes to go back to mommy's house, and Coco ran to the door and started putting on her shoes, so she understands me. She was a late walker and now she runs around fine, so maybe the speech will come in time. But maybe it won't... and if intervention needs to happen, the sooner the better.

Meanwhile, Charlie has a speech impediment (lisp) that makes it hard to understand him. I worry he will not succeed academically if his teacher can't understand him. And how will he get socialization without verbal communication? It will be harder to make friends. I talk to him less than I would talk to a kid without a lisp, because when I can't understand what he's saying there's no way to have a conversation. And it must be so frustrating for him to say things and not have people understand him (though he is the sweetest kid and so far not expressing much anger about that yet).

I talked to their mom yesterday about this and she said that Charlie will grow out of his lisp with time and with more interaction with other kids. Is that true? And even if it is, will that happen fast enough to enable him to get a good start academically? Mom clearly is resistant to the idea of intervention (not just for the kids, but also for herself, this seems to be a general principle for her). She did agree that I could take Coco to a free screening with early intervention professionals from school district. Charlie will be in preschool that day but I will talk to the assessment person about his situation and see if they have advice for him as well.

I am praying they say that I'm worried too much. But what if they suggest early intervention for Coco that her mom either cannot afford or will not accept? I don't want to push too much and risk damaging our relationship. But I feel a clench of terror whenever I think about the educational outcomes that could happen if the kids get off to a bad start. Things can spiral so quickly for kids in an underresourced, overcrowded public school without a parent who can afford private supports. I wanted them to get off to a great start in preK and kinder and build from that - getting praise from teachers, developing a sense of themselves as smart and good at school, coming to like school and therefore be more motivated to try hard, etc. Maybe things will work out fine, but it feels so existential to imagine the ways it could go wrong.

And ALSO, their mom texted me today that she was in the hospital for a heart attack?? Which is terrifying and she did not seem interested in help and she left before the doctors wanted her to and all of that scares me to bits.