#for god’s sake our senses of humor are just as awful as the other’s. very wry and somewhat morbid

[void-tiger]

Still trying to come to terms with the intensity of how much I miss you just. Doesn’t make sense. At all. Feels like a bone break in my chest that I’m gritting my teeth through and still trying to keep myself distracted.

…right. July.

Except it’s still going to be someplace that has me on-edge at best. And I still just don’t get it with you not coming here if you seem so happy to see or hear from me.

Guess I’ll see how things really are in July. But if you’re worried about unequal reciprocation…c’mon. This one is. Just. Why not?? Once a month, once every two months? On your own or with your family? Or…y’all invite us over on an evening or something? I digress…

[knuffled]

Just Practice - Chapter 17

here’s the ao3 link

The hospital garden was nestled along the northern side of the building and overlooked a small pond. Perhaps it was too generous to call it a garden. In reality, it was only a few flower beds of orchids and lilacs stowed carefully in terracotta pots. When the weather was nice, the patients would often spend some time there on the benches to get some fresh air. It wasn’t much but it definitely beat being cooped up in a hospital room with that stale, sterilized air that always made her feel more like a laboratory specimen than a human being.

After her surgery, Annabeth was allowed to visit the garden provided she went in a wheelchair to avoid agitating her knee. The doctor’s initial diagnosis had proven to be accurate once they ran some imaging tests on her: it was, in fact, a torn ACL. Annabeth had suspected as much, and she opted to get it operated on sooner than later. The surgery had gone quite well, actually. She had been lucky enough to only suffer a partial tear, according to her doctor. If she had suffered a complete tear, it could have possibly made both surgery and her subsequent recovery much more difficult.

Nonetheless, Annabeth didn’t feel particularly lucky. Honestly, in the week that she spent at the hospital, she hardly felt anything at all. Just numb. Her physical therapy sessions were the only things she had to look forward to in order to get her mind off of things. Otherwise, she was mainly stuck confined to her bed with her leg suspended in that god awful brace. Piper had brought her some novels to occupy her time, but Annabeth couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to anything she read.

Today was the first day the weather had been clear enough to head outside, and Annabeth had jumped at the chance to get out of her stuffy hospital room as soon as she could. She sat outside staring at the pond with her brain turned off, watching ducks glide across the water’s surface and preen their feathers.

Within another day or two she would be discharged from the hospital and would have to head back home, but she really didn’t want to. Her father had dropped by the day after her injury, but his visit was practically a formality. He had stayed for all of five minutes, only making sure she wasn’t dead really, before he left. On top of every other shitty thing that had happened to her recently, his visit only served to rub salt in the wound.

Sometime mid-afternoon, one of the orderlies told her that she had a visitor. Annabeth had been expecting Piper or Jason, but she was surprised to see Reyna approach her instead.

Reyna gave her a small wave, her hand hidden in the sleeve of her purple sweatshirt. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Annabeth said, blinking. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Reyna shifted on her heels. “I’m not intruding am I?”

“Funnily enough, my schedule is quite free these days,” Annabeth said lightly.

That managed to get the corner of Reyna’s lips to tug upwards. “Glad to see your injury hasn’t done anything to change your god-awful sense of humor.”

“It’s quite bad mannered to bully the infirm, you know,” Annabeth sniffed.

Reyna rolled her eyes and sat down at the bench beside Annabeth. “How’s your leg doing?”

Annabeth sighed and said, “It’s recovering. Just got surgery done a few days ago.”

“Surgery?” Reyna frowned.

Annabeth nodded. “Turns out I tore my ACL.”

Reyna grimaced and said, “Jeez, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“The doctors said that I’m lucky it was only a partial tear,” Annabeth said, smiling weakly. “But I don’t feel particularly lucky.”

“D-Did they say anything about how long it’ll take for you to make a full recovery?” Reyna asked hesitantly.

“They were pretty wishy-washy about it,” Annabeth said, shrugging. “Guessing they don’t want to be liable for being wrong. Only estimate they gave me was that I could walk normally in about two weeks or so. After that, depends on how well I respond to physical therapy.”

Reyna was silent for a while before she said, “Meet me at the college circuit someday. I’ll be waiting there for you. And then we can finally settle things.”

Annabeth picked at the hem of her shirt with a wan smile. “What’s there to settle? I haven’t beat you a single time. There’s a clear winner here, and it sure isn’t me.”

“You of all people should know you’re only as good as your last race,” Reyna said. “People in our sport can never afford to rest on their laurels.”

When Annabeth was silent, Reyna quietly said, “You look like you’ve already given up.”

Reyna’s words stung and made Annabeth recoil. “I’m sick of giving myself false hope.”

“The way I see it, hope has nothing to do with it. The only question is if you still want to try. If you still want to compete, then you’ll keep pushing until you find a way through,” Reyna said, shrugging.

“Now, I’m not here to tell you whether you should keep going or not. That’s up to you. But don’t hide behind hope as an excuse. If you want to stop, then own it.”

Annabeth stared at her lap for a while and said, “I- I don’t know. I need more time to think about it.”

Reyna nodded and said, “I don’t blame you. It’s a big decision.”

There was another pause before Annabeth cleared her throat and said, “I never got a chance to apologize. For what happened at the meet, I mean.”

Reyna furrowed her brow. “What is there to apologize for?”

Annabeth dug her fingernails into her palms. “I cost you the race. If it weren’t for me, you would have won state and placed nationally.”

“From what I recall, a certain someone was screaming at me to let her go because I was, and I quote, ‘throwing the fucking race’,” Reyna said dryly.

“Sorry about that,” Annabeth mumbled.

Reyna gave her a smile and said, “You have nothing to blame yourself for, Annabeth. It was my choice to stay and help you.”

A lump formed in Annabeth’s throat. “But why though? Why did you help me?”

“I already told you,” Reyna said, mock-exasperatedly. “Because we’re friends.”

“And that was enough of a reason?”

“There are more important things than high school cross country races, Annabeth,” Reyna said simply.

Annabeth bit her lower lip and struggled to wrap her head around Reyna’s answer. They were friends, but not so close that it made sense for her to abandon the championship for her sake. Maybe Reyna was just like that with people she deemed friends or perhaps it was just a decision made in the heat of the moment.

“And you don’t resent me or anything for it?” Annabeth asked.

“Not one bit,” Reyna said firmly. “I would do it again if I had to. I’m sure you would have done the same for me.”

“You think too highly of me,” Annabeth said quietly. “But thank you.”

Reyna raised an eyebrow and said, “So you would have left me lying in the mud with a fucked up leg just to a win a race then?”

Annabeth paused and said, “Well, when you put it that way, I suppose not.”

“See? Told you: there are more important things,” Reyna said, smiling. “Besides, I don’t want you using your injury as an excuse for when I inevitably kick your ass.”

That got a watery laugh out of Annabeth. “I’m just glad you don’t hate me.”

Reyna rolled her eyes fondly. “Of course not.”

Annabeth hid a smile and stared up at the clear, blue sky for a while before something occurred to her. “How did you know where to find me?”

“Percy told me,” Reyna said, shrugging.

Annabeth furrowed her brow and said, “You have his number?”

“No, we just happened to run into each other somewhere, and I got a chance to ask him.”

Annabeth’s heart beat faster in her chest. “D-Did he say anything else to you?”

Reyna shook her head. “No, but he looked like a mess though. Did something happen?”

Annabeth nodded and felt a lump form in her throat. Slowly, she told Reyna about everything that had unfolded after she had left her with Percy. Reyna listened quietly and intently the entire time that Annabeth spoke, but Annabeth couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

Annabeth finished by saying, “I know I shouldn’t have cornered him like that just because I was so angry about my knee, especially the whole confession thing, but at the same time, I can’t help being frustrated that he still refused to open up, right to the very end.”

When Reyna was silent, Annabeth looked at her and said, “You once said that you thought he lied all the time about how he felt and what he wanted. Is this what you meant?”

“Not exactly,” Reyna admitted. “I thought it was something more malicious, but after seeing how he is around you, it’s obvious how much he cares for you.”

“If he does,” Annabeth said softly, “it’s not in a way that I understand.”

“You’re not alone in feeling that way, I would imagine,” Reyna said. “We all have different ideas of what it means to love and be loved, and sometimes those ideas don’t match up.”

“And there’s nothing we can do about that then?” Annabeth asked.

Reyna shook her head. “No, it just means you both need to talk to about your needs. It’s not wrong to teach someone how to love you the way you need them to.”

“I would if he bothered to listen,” Annabeth said tersely.

“Really? From what you’ve told me about him, he seems to listen to you a great deal,” Reyna said, sounding surprised.

Annabeth worried her lower lip and hesitantly said, “I mean, yeah, I guess that’s accurate. But there’s still something that gets in the way, and I don’t know what it is.”

“I said this before, but it seems like he’s holding something back,” Reyna said. “Not in the way one hides secrets, but in the way you shoulder a burden, quietly and without complaint. Maybe it’s just that over time that weight has become too much to bear.”

Reyna’s words instantly struck a chord in her, even though she hadn’t fully processed them yet.

A wry smile danced on Reyna’s lips. “Reminds me a lot of my sister. Something about how sad their eyes look.”

Annabeth blinked in surprise - she had always pegged Reyna as an only child. “Wait, you have a sister?”

Reyna nodded and said, “Yeah, seven years older than me. Her name’s Hylla.”

She looked like she had more to say, so Annabeth remained silent and watched her. Reyna buried her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirt and stared up at the sky with a sigh.

“My dad was a physically abusive piece of shit growing up, so much so that my mother left him. Unfortunately, she didn’t bother to take us with her, for whatever reason, so we had to fend for ourselves. As the older sibling, Hylla took it upon herself to protect me until she was old enough to move out and take me with her,” Reyna said.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry to hear that,” Annabeth said quietly.

“It’s whatever. We’re fine now, for the most part,” Reyna said, shrugging. “But sometimes I can tell that it still eats at Hylla. It wouldn’t be that big a deal, but she has a hard time opening up or putting herself first. Over the years, I’ve tried my best to help her through it, but it’s something she still struggles with.”

“Eventually, I realized that there was really nothing I could do,” Reyna said, pursing her lips. “So instead I swore to myself that I would be open and straight-forward about everything, in the hopes that maybe if I could show her there was another way, it might change something. And who knows, maybe it’s all for nothing, but at least I am being true to myself and honest about what I want.”

Reyna traced the lines on her palm and swallowed thickly. “But it’s really tough. People think it’s easy and assume nothing scares me but they’re wrong. I’m terrified, like all the time, but seeing how much it tears away at my sister, keeping everything locked up inside, I— I don’t ever want to live that way.”

“I think you’re amazing,” Annabeth said softly. “I can’t begin to imagine how much courage that takes.”

Reyna gave her a smile and said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”

Annabeth shook her head. “I should be the one thanking you, for sharing all of this.”

“It’s no problem. I only brought it up because your situation reminded me of my sister and I. Maybe I’m totally off base about that, I don’t know,” Reyna said.

“No, um, it was definitely helpful,” Annabeth said.

Reyna took Annabeth’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “You still look conflicted.”

Annabeth laughed breathlessly and shrugged. “I-I don’t know. I guess I’m still having a hard time accepting that we’re even in this situation. It just hurts to find out that I didn’t know him anywhere near as well as I thought I did.”

“Why does that have to hurt?” Reyna asked. “What is it that troubles you so much?”

Annabeth had to pause and really think about Reyna’s question because nothing immediately came to mind. It was only now that she realized that it was actually kind of strange that she was so distraught about this to begin with. It wasn’t like there was anything particularly awful about the situation. After all, this sort of thing was totally common, but it still seemed to profoundly unsettle her all the same. She was just having a hard time understanding why that was the case.

“It’s hard to say,” Annabeth admitted. “I think it’s because Percy’s the only person in my life that I have ever truly been able to rely on, and finding out that I don’t fully know him scares me. If I don’t know him, utterly and completely, then how can I count on him? It just makes me feel really insecure, like this is all a house of cards that could come tumbling down at any moment.”

Reyna sighed and said, “I don’t know. I just think knowing someone is a pretty impossible standard to set for yourself.”

Annabeth furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

“Well, in my experience, a person isn’t something to be known like a fact in a book,” Reyna said. “The human heart isn’t something quite so definitive. A person is always ever in the process of unraveling, constantly revealing themselves moment by moment, piece by piece. None of us ever really knows one another, but that doesn’t really matter. What matters is the effort we make to know one another, not whether we succeed. That’s all that love is: finding someone that you make the effort to know, to discover and rediscover, over and over again. And they do the same for you.”

“But then how can we ever trust anyone?” Annabeth asked desperately.

“You take a leap of faith,” Reyna said simply. “I wish I could say there was some trick to never having your trust broken but that’s not possible. Trust, by its very nature, is a brittle thing, but that’s also what makes it worth anything. The only reason trust holds any value at all is because it is something that needs to be earned.”

Reyna’s words made Annabeth recall what Percy had told her atop Aspen Peak. She hadn’t fully understood what he had meant at the time, but now she realized that there was a power to vulnerability that she didn’t know existed. It was a paradox but only by opening herself to heartbreak could she ever find what she was looking for: something permanent.

Annabeth managed a half-smile and said, “Percy told me it was like letting someone touch your heart with their hands and praying they didn’t crush it between their fingers, but that it was something we needed to do anyways.”

“That’s a pretty good way to put it,” Reyna laughed.

Annabeth sighed and said, “Would be nice if relationships weren’t so fucking complicated.”

“Agreed,” Reyna said, yawning. “I should probably get going. It’s getting late.”

Annabeth nodded. “Thanks again for visiting me and for the advice. It was really helpful.”

“And thank you for listening,” Reyna said, smiling.

“I hope someday I’ll be able to live as strongly as you do,” Annabeth said.

“You already live that way,” Reyna said, shrugging. “You just doubt yourself too much.”

Annabeth worried her lower lip and nodded. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

Reyna offered one final smile and said, “Guess I’ll head out then. Keep me posted about your leg and everything. When you can walk, we should hit up the batting cages again. Take your mind off things.”

“I’d like that,” Annabeth smiled.

“See you later, Annabeth.”

“You too, Reyna.”

Annabeth watched and waited for Reyna to leave before she sighed and headed back inside the hospital herself. She felt lighter for the first time in weeks. Reyna’s advice stuck in the back of her mind, and Annabeth took some time to digest it. She had a feeling it would help her figure out her path going forward.

:::

Piper came to pick her up on the day she was discharged from the hospital. By then, Annabeth could walk with the help of a brace that helped keep most of her weight off her knee, but she could only walk for a few minutes or so at most before the strain piled up and became too much. Piper leaned against the side of her car and watched Annabeth hobble over before she rushed in and gave Annabeth a hug.

“Didn’t realize you were so happy to see me,” Annabeth joked.

“Shut up,” Piper mumbled against her skin. “I’ve been worried sick about you.”

Annabeth swallowed thickly and whispered, “Thanks, Pipes.”

Piper pulled away and offered a gentle smile. “Ready to go then?”

“Yep.”

Piper opened the passenger’s side door for Annabeth and waited for Annabeth to take a seat before she did so as well. Annabeth rolled down the windows and relished in the late April breeze when it flowed across her face. Piper started the car and turned the radio on before she pulled out of the hospital parking lot and onto the interstate.

Once they were on their way, Annabeth turned to Piper and said, “You’re still okay with me staying with you right? I complete get if that’s not an option anymore.”

“No, you’re totally fine,” Piper assured her. “It’ll be nice to have some company. Besides, my place is too fucking big for only one person.”

“Your dad’s still away on a shoot then?” Annabeth asked.

Piper shrugged. “Probably. Didn’t bother asking.”

Annabeth nodded slowly and turned back to the window, but Piper looked at her and said, “Your parents aren’t going to flip out about this right?”

“Oh, I’m sure Helen will kick up a fuss, but that’s kind of par for the course,” Annabeth said.

“I’m all for it and everything, but have you really thought this through? I mean, leaving your family is a huge decision,” Piper said.

Annabeth gave her a significant look and said, “In all the time you’ve known me, when have I ever not thought things through?”

“Alright, fair point,” Piper admitted. “I’m still worried though.”

“I was going to have to leave for college anyways. This is basically only moving up the schedule. Besides, I’m pretty sure they’ll be glad to finally see me gone,” Annabeth said.

Piper grimaced and nodded. “I wish you didn’t have to go through all this. Especially now, with your leg and all.”

“It is what it is,” Annabeth said, shrugging.

They drove along in silence for a while before Piper glanced at her again and said, “I, uh, wanted to ask you about something unrelated.”

“Fire away.”

“I’m not sure if you know anything, but Percy has been acting really strange lately,” Piper said. “I’ve tried asking him about it, but he just smiles and says that it’s nothing.”

Annabeth sighed. She had been expecting this, but it was still rough now that it was finally here. Slowly, Annabeth began to explain the whole fake dating arrangement from the start of the school year and everything that had happened since then, culminating in their confrontation after her injury. Piper didn’t say so much as word, but Annabeth noticed the way her fingers tightened around the steering wheel so hard they drained of blood.

When she was done, Annabeth watched Piper with bated breath, waiting for the worst. Piper just exhaled forcefully and said, “Christ, what a mess.”

“I know,” Annabeth said mildly.

“So this whole time, you guys weren’t actually dating then? You were just lying about it?”

Annabeth hung her head and said, “Yeah, pretty much.”

Piper was quiet for a moment before she shook her head incredulously. “I mean, I knew something was up with how jittery you were about the whole dating thing, but I never expected this.”

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner,” Annabeth said. “I was afraid you’d be mad at me.”

“Oh, I am mad at you. Furious, actually. But I’m equally as frustrated with Percy. As bad an idea as it was on your part, he should never have accepted. He knows better,” Piper said, fuming. “A pair of idiots, the both of you. What were you both thinking?”

“I’m sorry,” Annabeth said.

“Well, what’s done is done, I guess,” Piper sighed. “Honestly, maybe this what the both of you needed. Maybe now you’ll finally sort out your relationship.”

“Or maybe this is the end of it for good,” Annabeth said wryly.

“Love the optimism, babe.”

Annabeth huffed a laugh and said, “I’ll try my best to fix this, but I don’t know if I can.”

Piper was quiet for a while before she said, “Give it another shot. Maybe things will be different now that he’s had time to think about all this on his own too.”

“Yeah, you might be right,” Annabeth said.

There was another pause before Annabeth said, “You’re not gonna rescind your offer to let me crash with you, right?”

Piper snorted and said, “I have half a mind to, but I won’t. As stupid as you are, you’re still my best friend, and I’m not going to turn my back on you.”

“I don’t appreciate the insult, but thank you,” Annabeth said, smiling.

Piper glanced at her and jabbed her with her elbow. “Don’t look so happy with yourself or I might change my mind.”

“What, I’m not allowed to be happy that you called me your best friend?” Annabeth asked innocently.

Piper rolled her eyes and said, “Don’t try and schmooze your way out of this, you know what you’ve done. Especially, after that whole spiel about how you always think things through too.”

They pulled up in front of Annabeth’s house, and the brief levity in the air dissipated immediately. Annabeth set her jaw and took a deep breath, but her heart still beat faster in her chest anyways. Piper gave her a look of concern and squeezed her forearm.

“You sure you don’t want me to come with?” Piper whispered.

Annabeth shook her head. “No, this is something I need to do alone.”

Piper nodded but she still looked worried as Annabeth steadied herself and stepped out of the car. She hobbled to the front door and stepped inside with the spare key hidden beneath the flower pot. It was quiet inside the house, but the cars were still in the driveway so her father and step-mother had to be home. Annabeth pursed her lips and made her way upstairs to her room.

There was a suitcase hidden in her closet, and she pulled it out and opened it on the floor of her bedroom. She packed as many clothes as she could inside and stuffed her laptop, charger, phone charger, and water bottle inside her backpack. Once she was satisfied that she had everything prepared, she sat on her bed with a sigh.

Annabeth took a look around the room and felt a sudden rush of nostalgia wash over her. This was probably the last time she would ever come here, she mused. It was littered with all sorts of knick knacks and photos, posters and sketches. As much as she hated living in this house, this was the only place she could call her own. Leaving it almost felt like killing a part of herself off. Her step-mother would turn it into a storage room or something once she was gone, and soon there would be no trace that she had ever lived here. Something about that hurt, even though Annabeth knew it was for the best.

She stood up, feeling more than a little melancholy, and steeled her heart. There was still one last thing she needed to do. Annabeth put her luggage in the hallway and tentatively stepped into her father’s study. Thankfully, he wasn’t there. She riffled through the drawers of his desk in search of the old brown briefcase he stashed old letters in. It was always weird to her that he just kept letters, but he said he liked to have records in case companies tried to swindle him out of money. It was hidden away in some dark corner, and she dumped the contents onto the carpet.

There were hundreds of envelopes so it took her some time to sift through them all, but a few minutes later Annabeth’s worst fears were confirmed. There was an unopened letter addressed to her from Berkeley, dated October 4th.

That wasn’t the worst of it however.

There was another letter from Stanford. Northwestern. Duke. Cornell. Dartmouth. All dated from late September to early October. All unopened.

Annabeth had always felt something off about the fact that her Berkeley letter never reached her. She had dismissed it as a fluke but during her stay at the hospital it occurred to her that there could have been a more malevolent explanation. Seeing the letters now only confirmed her worst suspicions, but the sense of betrayal still hit her harder than she had anticipated.

She snatched the letters and stormed downstairs, as quickly as she could with her brace. Her father and step-mother were in the living room watching the news.

Helen blinked in surprise and said, “Annabeth? I didn’t know you were home from the hospital.”

Annabeth ignored her and held up the envelopes, her hands trembling. “What’s the meaning of this?”

“You’re going to have to be a little more specific, dear,” Helen said mildly.

“These are college letters. Addressed to me. Why did no one tell me?” Annabeth asked.

Helen shrugged and said, “I didn’t think they were important.”

Her excuse was so bad, it actually made Annabeth’s head hurt. “How could you not think that those might be important to your step-daughter, a senior in high school?”

A gleam of irritation flashed in Helen’s eyes. “You have been getting letters since junior year, and they always just asked you to apply, so I thought these were more of the same.”

“Let’s pretend for a moment that your terrible excuse is valid - you still should have shown me these,” Annabeth said.

“You’re still a child. Talk to your parents with respect,” Helen snapped.

Annabeth crossed her arms over her chest. “You literally lost me the chance to go to fucking Stanford, so you’ll have to forgive me for not having much respect for you.”

“Annabeth,” her father warned.

The smart thing to do would have been to drop it then and there. Nothing good could have come of this. The damage was already done. Continuing this would only make things worse.

Annabeth knew all this, but at that moment, she was filled with such uncontrolled rage, rage that had been built upon years upon years of horrid treatment from Helen and her father who couldn’t be bothered to care about the fact that his new wife routinely emotionally abused his first-born daughter, that she couldn’t bring herself to stop.

“She fucking knew this was important and she hid these from me anyways,” Annabeth snapped. “She’s so insecure about that fact that I’m more intelligent than her kids that she has to sabotage me.”

“Annabeth, that’s enough,” her father said sharply.

Annabeth turned to him and balled her hands in fists. “And you! You never say anything. You just let her treat me like absolute dogshit, and you don’t even care.”

“Young lady, you are so disrespectful that it honestly blows my mind,” Helen said coldly. “How you can accuse me of treating you poorly when you never bother to interact with the family and treat us like strangers is beyond me.”

“That’s rich coming from the person who couldn’t be bothered to visit her step-daughter once in the hospital,” Annabeth snorted.

A vein bulged on Helen’s forehead, and Annabeth knew she had her. “The reason I do my best to stay out of the house isn’t rocket science. From day one, you have done absolutely everything you can to make me feel unwelcome in this family-”

“Let me tell you something that you don’t seem to understand: no one is ruining your life, dear,” Helen interrupted. “You ruin things yourself and blame everyone else for it instead. You are just an ungrateful, spiteful little girl that does nothing but cause people pain.”

Annabeth stiffened like she’d been hit in the face with a shovel. Her thoughts turned to radio static and her chest squeezed so painfully that it was hard for her to breathe.

No words came to her.

Without meaning to, she turned to her father.

“D-Dad?” Annabeth asked, her voice cracking.

Annabeth wasn’t even sure what she was asking for, just that at that moment, she felt very much like she was seven years old again, asking him to check for monsters hiding in the closet. Back then she had taken it for granted that he would help her, that he would keep her safe. Suddenly, it made sense why she kept looking to him whenever Helen tormented her, even though she knew he would never come to her aid. She thought she had abandoned that hope a long time ago, but now Annabeth realized some small part of her had still held on to it, like someone tending to a dying flame.

Still, there was nothing that could prepare her for the silence in the living room at that moment as her father simply sat there, his lips pressed in a hard line, still not looking at her.

Annabeth forced herself to take a deep breath. She wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t going to let Helen win this.

No, instead, Annabeth turned to her father and offered him a strained smile. “Since it is apparent that you aren’t going to say anything on my behalf, like always, I just wanted to tell you a few things before I left. And yes, I am leaving. I’m done living in this house, which should delight the both of you. I don’t know that would even worry you, but rest assured: I’ll figure things out on my own, like I always have.”

When Helen bristled at the accusation, Annabeth offered her a smile like poisoned honey and said, “Before you open your mouth, feel free to shut the fuck up. I’m talking to my father right now.”

Helen went red, but Annabeth stared her down, begging her to say something. Helen glanced at her father, but for whatever reason, he didn’t come to her aid this time. She shook her head incredulously and left the living room, leaving Annabeth alone with her father.

When she was gone, he looked at Annabeth for the first time and said, “You went too far.”

“I honestly don’t give a shit,” Annabeth said simply.

Her father opened his mouth to chastise her, undoubtedly, but Annabeth bulldozed on through.

“Don’t bother to defend her. I’ll be gone in a few minutes anyways, and then it won’t matter since you’ll never have to see me again. But until then, you are going to shut up and listen to me,” Annabeth said.

Her father pressed his mouth in a thin line, which Annabeth took as permission to keep going.

“I don’t know when or how things went so wrong between us. I still remember how it used to be, back when mom was still around,” Annabeth started.

“She’s gone, Annabeth,” he interrupted.

“Yeah, I fucking know, but you don’t seem to realize you weren’t the only one she left behind,” Annabeth yelled.

“She left me, too, you know? And you have punished me for that, every day since she left,” Annabeth said, her voice cracking.

Annabeth steadied herself before she got too emotional and shook her head. “But I want you to know something - I am proud to be my mother’s daughter. Despite your best efforts to make me feel otherwise, I will not apologize for that, for being here, for existing. And I’m done looking to you for help or safety or even acknowledgement given you’ve long since proven to be utterly incapable of that. And I want you to know that someday I’ll find people who love and accept me, and I won’t ever have to spare a second of my life thinking about you and how you made me feel. Someday, I’ll heal and you’ll be nothing more than a bad memory.”

With that, Annabeth left to retrieve her luggage from the hallway before he could respond and left the house for good. Piper was pacing around her car and rushed over to her once she heard the door open and threw her arms around her.

“Are you okay?” Piper asked. “It sounded pretty bad in there.”

“Yeah,” Annabeth said, nodding. “I finally let go of something I should have a long time ago.”

Piper studied her for a moment before nodding to herself. “Alright, looks like that’s settled then. Let’s go get something to eat!”

Annabeth raised an eyebrow. “You’re dropping it, just like that?”

“You look like you’ve got it figured out on your own,” Piper said, shrugging. “Besides, I can tell this is something I can’t really help you with anyways.”

Annabeth smiled despite herself and shook her head. “I never thought the day would come when Piper McLean would know when to let sleeping dogs lie.”

Piper rolled her eyes and stashed her luggage in her car trunk. “Don’t make me change my mind about letting you stay.”

“That’s an empty threat if I’ve ever heard one,” Annabeth said, sliding into the passenger seat.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” Piper muttered.

“But seriously though,” Annabeth said, clearing her throat. “Thank you. For everything. It means more to me than I can say.”

“You’re welcome,” Piper said softly. “I’m happy for you. Leaving that hellhole was a long time coming. You definitely made the right call.”

“What happened to all the asking me if I was sure about it and stuff?” Annabeth asked.

“I’ve always wanted you to leave. I just didn’t want to influence your decision,” Piper said.

Annabeth was quiet for a moment and said, “You’re actually a really good friend, huh?”

Piper gave her a cheeky grin and started the car. “I’m offended that it took you so long to notice.”

[recurring-polynya]

I have to say I knew that at one point renji, ikkaku, yumichika and iba were in the same squad with kenpachi but good god you managed to paint a beautiful picture for me. I simply assumed that for them it was simply party time all the time along with a few bald jokes but this is much better. Emotionally healthy squad 11 which still love fighting more than anything. I always cringed when someone would just describe them as hooligans that do nothing but fighting. I mean they do that too but I love the idea that they are all emotionally healthy and mature, a loving and supportive family to their own - in their own wakka doodoo kind of way thats endearing - and of course they are in my opinion they single capable force against sexisim. Because they don't care about anything else - gendere, sexuality, gender performances, race, mentality or anything - other than if you fight good you respectable and if you fight good in squad 11 you family. ( like when kenpachi just became captain he made yachiru his lieutenant and no one was against it no one thought it was beneath them, sure thru nag at her sometimes but that's mostly in a banter like way because she call them stupid nicknames but no one hates her for being unrightfully their superior. One day they got a new captain and a new lieutenant that's a child and they just went with it.) I admit their disdain and disrespect to squad 4 is still frowned upon but I do believe some squad 4s can handle their own, it's just that we saw the really peaceful ones. Anyways sorry for ranting. Just wanted to say that yeah, I really like how the past squad 11 with iba and renji in it was a great place in general. I think if they found out some one was being sexist - for whatever reason - they would be there right next to nanao - or iba's mom protesting. Kenpachi and yachiru as well. And that makes me want to be squad 11 ,despite not being much for fighting, so bad.

So, for starters, thanks! I try to have fun whenever I write Squad 11, and I’m glad you enjoy my take on them.

My Squad 11 is just... really not very canon, though. Canon Squad 11 is actually pretty gross and sexist. Yumichika is transphobic, Kenpachi makes homophobic remarks about Yumichika, they bully Squad 4, there’s a filler episode devoted to a guy that Ikkaku bullied for, like 100 years because the guy lost his reiatsu saving Ikkaku’s dumb ass.

When you write fanfic, you occasionally run into these more problematic aspects of the source media, and you can choose to dig in and analyze them, or just... remake them in your own way. Take for example, Gin. If you read fanfic about Gin, there are some people who will peel away the layers of him and his fears and insecurities and still make him be a horrible gremlin, and it’s really stellar writing. Other people prefer to write him in an AU where maybe less bad stuff happened to him, and he’s more mischievous than sociopathic, and this is a less meaty interpretation, but it’s also more fun. Sometimes fanfic is a meal and sometimes it’s candy. It fulfills different needs and different fantasies and all of it is welcome.

Yumichika, who for me is the fulcrum of Squad 11, presents this problem. I really don’t like the way his “appreciation for beauty” plays out in canon. He doesn’t actually appreciate beauty, he just likes telling other people they’re ugly. I don’t think he’s ever pointed out beauty in anyone else aside from himself or his zanpakutou. I remember the first time I watched his fight with Charlotte and it struck me as so off -- why wouldn’t he find her beautiful? I mean, I know it’s a transmysogynistic joke, that’s why, men dressed as women is funny, hurr hurr, but Yumichika is gender nonconforming himself. This was an opportunity to make a cool character point, and Kubo took the cheap laughs road instead. Going back to what I said last paragraph, a skilled writer could, in theory, write about his insecurities and his brittleness and meanness and write a pretty compelling story, but a) Kubo certainly doesn’t, and I have never actually found a Yumichika-centric fanfic of this nature, and b) this doesn’t fit the role I need him to play in my stories. I am rarely really interested in writing about Squad 11 for its own sake. I like to write them as a backdrop for the period of Renji’s afterlife where he hit absolute rock bottom and bounced back up again. We already know the role Ikkaku played in this, except that Ikkaku is a complete moron in terms of mental health, and I really, really felt like this is where Yumichika needed to come in.

I like to massage Yumichika’s character a bit, but I do want to keep the flavor of some of his character flaws-- he’s still shallow and mean and judgy, and I love that for him, but I like to add in a positive side to his appreciation for beauty. Having Yumichika make fun of Izuru’s pores is funny but it’s even funnier if he’s just given Renji a compliment on his hair first. The idea that a Yumichika compliment is attainable makes all his drags the more vicious. Yumichika also judged people by their beauty instead of their moral character, which is humorous to me. He dislikes Byakuya as a person, but is obsessed with his haircare regime. I like to have him treat Rangiku as an equal, beauty-wise, and a person whose opinion he respects based on her aesthetic. Rangiku is actually a pretty savvy and very emotionally intelligent person whom many people write off because she likes to present herself as a lazy airhead, so in an extremely convoluted way, this all works out. I like to think that Yumichika’s ideas of beauty are also caught up in boldness and risk-taking and having one’s outward presentation ring true to their inner self. To me, this is the core of why he loves Ikkaku. To him, Ikkaku’s devotion to doing the most Ikkaku thing at all times, no matter how stupid, is irresistibly sexy. 

Aside: At some point, I decided that the fact that a lot of people in Bleach have colorful marks on their faces and elaborate hairstyle and accessory games implied that make-up in Soul Society is gender neutral. I like to think there is actually more of a divide between the nobility, who like their make-up to follow rules and be classy, and, well, Squad 11, who like to get make-up ideas from Jem and the Holograms. I don’t even wear makeup (I don’t know how and it’s expensive and I am ashamed of myself, we can talk about my own gender presentation later) but I like to write about both my male and female characters wearing make-up. I don’t actually know how my readers feel about it, but it just falls under the “Is that what people want?”/“It’s what we do” philosophy of all my writing.

I think one of the theses of my writing is that middle management is more important to the character of a squad than the person at the top. Captains sort of act as ideals to strive for, but they are generally unapproachable for one reason or another. Yachiru is more like her captain in this respect (which makes sense, since she is, in fact part of her captain). Ikkaku and Yumichika present this dual idea that 1) strength is awesome, fighting and being the best is awesome, and 2) part of strength is presenting yourself to the world in a bold and confrontational way. (The fact that both of them are hiding huge parts of themselves is laughably ironic). Kenpachi and Yachiru are shining examples of Do Whatever You Want and Be So Strong That No One Can Stop You. 

What really makes this work is that you need someone one layer down-- does anyone actually subscribe to this nonsense, and that’s why Iba - Abarai Squad 11 is Best Squad 11. I really, really enjoy the genre of Reddit posts where a total bro will find out that his girlfriend is trans and react by becoming a vehement advocate for trans rights. I love the bodybuilders typing encouragement to each other meme. Our world is flooded with disingenuous messages from concern trolls trying to tell us why being kind and inclusive to one another is bad or that you should reject help because struggle makes you stronger and the idea of a Himbo looking at something like that and saying “that seems dumb" is delightful to me.

I actually feel like there are a lot of awful people with bad ideas in Squad 11, it’s just that Renji and Iba don’t put up with their shit, and over time, that becomes the culture of Squad 11. I think that Squad 11 has incredibly turnover, but the ones who stay are the ones who subscribe to the ideas you mentioned-- fighting is what matters, if you wanna go argue about shit, go join Squad 5. In the IkkaYumi story I wrote, which happens shortly after Zaraki takes over, a ton of people leave. The Bount Arc (which I know a lot of people skipped) features a dude who was extremely pissed off because he had liked the old Kenpachi and thought Zaraki sucked and was so mad about it that he betrayed Soul Society. You might think that this arc would feature Zaraki caring about this in some way shape or form, but he really didn’t. So, I think there are a lot of Soul Reapers that took issue with serving under a little girl as a vice captain, they just aren’t in Squad 11 anymore.

Oh, one last note on Iba’s mom. I am of an age where a number of my friends have mothers who were Second Wave Feminists. The moms in question are a real mixed bag, because they Came From a Different Time, and on one hand, you have to respect what they went through, and on the other hand, they are very difficult to get along with. I liked the idea that Iba has always chafed against his mom and her big personality, and then Renji comes in, and is like, “hey, your mom is strong as hell and she has a lot of ideas that I never thought of but they make sense” and Iba realizes that, even though she’s still a huge pain in his ass, his mom is the person who made him who he is. Moms are complex.

Uhhhh, I have definitely lost the thread of wherever I was going with this post. Thank you for enjoying my Squad 11, which is nothing like canon Squad 11. Hopefully maybe this year, I will actually finish my Squad 11 Self Care story, where Renji stops being a drunk disaster person after Yumichika teaches him how to fill his brows; I got stuck on a part where Rangiku gives Renji a talk on ethical sluttery.

[staystrange]

somewhere in the crowd there’s you

The Bright Sessions • Adam Hayes / Caleb Michaels Rating: T • ~3.7k words • ao3 cw: a little bit of sensory overload

He’d never looked forward to prom before the way the rest of the school did, but once Adam entered his life, he’d suddenly begun counting down the days. Not for himself, though; he just wanted to make this night as perfect as possible for Adam, for both of them together.

-or-

Caleb and Adam go to prom!!

Thank you to my lovely lovely friend Leo (@fandoms-are-my-lifestyle) for beta-ing this for me and for encouraging me to write this thing. I'm so glad I introduced you to TBS and to Caleb and Adam because your reactions to everything have brought me so much joy during this awful year and honestly, so has our friendship : )

Title: "Super Trouper" from Mamma Mia! because duh.

Caleb leaves Dr. Bright’s office after helping her move her stuff into her car, his heart sinking a bit as he realizes this is likely the last time he will ever pass through this doorway. The sadness doesn’t last long, though — as soon as he hears the door click shut behind him, he feels a wave of calm wash over him, the kind of calm he only feels when Adam’s around.

As if the thought of Adam summoned him into Caleb’s presence, Adam rounds the corner and the calm quickly sweeps away in favor of the warm bubbles that Caleb has come to recognize as love. He can’t help the giant grin that melts onto his face matching the one already on Adam’s.

“Hey Meathead,” Adam says in greeting.

“Dork,” Caleb replies, nodding at Adam.

Adam stops a few steps away from Caleb, the love mixing with a little bit of humored shock. “I’m sorry, did you just bro nod me?” Caleb bursts out laughing. “You might as well be tackling me into the friend zone.”

“I’m definitely not doing that.” Caleb’s voice is soft as he reaches out his hand for Adam, who takes it and lets Caleb pull him into a kiss.

When they reluctantly part to breathe, Adam says, “Are you sure? I dunno, maybe I should kiss you again just to make sure you’re telling the truth.”

“Maybe you should.”

And he does, standing on his tiptoes and tilting his head up to capture Caleb’s lips in a kiss again. Caleb smiles into the kiss as the bubbly love feeling intensifies, and Caleb feels so happy he thinks he could die from it. It wouldn’t be the worst way to go, he decides.

“Okay, boys,” Dr. Bright says as she opens her office door, startling them apart. “You know I’m very happy that you boys are very much in love, but the path in front of my office is not the best make out spot.”

Adam’s dark skin reddens significantly, and Caleb knows he’s blushing too. “Sorry, Dr. Bright, we were just about to leave.”

“Tuxedo shopping for prom, right?” She has a knowing smile on her face, and Caleb can feel contentment pouring off her with a touch of pride sprinkled on top.

“Yep,” Adam replies, biting his lip to hide his smile. It’s one of his cutest habits. “I know he hates shopping, but I just can’t let him take me to prom in —“

“—his dad’s powder blue tux, yes, I heard,” Dr. Bright says with a soft laugh. “Well, I won’t keep you boys, then.”

“Bye, Dr. Bright!” Caleb says with a wave, and she waves back as she walks down the path ahead of them.

“We should get going, too,” Adam says, squeezing Caleb’s hand. “Our appointment is soon.”

Caleb’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Appointment?”

“Mm hmm.” Adam nods. “I booked us a private appointment at the tuxedo store down the street. I thought, yaknow, that might make things easier for you. I hope that’s okay? I wasn’t sure but I didn’t want to lose the appointment…”

Adam trails off. Caleb just stares at Adam for a moment before finally replying once he feels Adam start to get nervous. “That sounds perfect. You’re perfect. God, I fucking love you.”

Adam’s eyes go wide, as if it’s the first time all over again. “I love you too,” he replies. “Ready?”

Caleb smiles. “Ready.”

———

Adam holds the door open for Caleb when they arrive at the tuxedo store, and Caleb lets out a sigh of relief when he sees that it is, in fact, empty. The relief doesn’t last long, though, because an employee notices them immediately and walks over to them, bringing his tense orange spikes of anxiety and stress with him. Caleb flinches when it hits him, and Adam, ever attentive, grabs his hand and squeezes, reminding Caleb to take deep breaths. When he glances over at Adam in thanks, Adam’s already smiling back at him, and after a moment, he leans up and kisses Caleb’s cheek.

“So, how can I help you two lovebirds today?” the most well-dressed man Caleb’s ever seen says, his hands clasped behind his back.

“Uh, we have an appointment. For a tuxedo fitting for prom,” Adam replies. Caleb feels a surge of something from Adam that he quickly parses as a thick mixture of disbelief, nerves, and exhilaration before it dissolves back into the usual blue. It hits Caleb all over again that for Adam, even speaking to Caleb is something he thought would only ever happen in his wildest dreams, let alone dating him and going to prom with him; Caleb’s next thought is that this all feels like a dream to him too, one that he’d never even considered having, but now that it’s happening, it’s nothing short of perfect.

“Names, please?” the man asks.

“Adam Hayes and Caleb Michaels.”

“Ah, of course, right this way.” He leads them to a selection of tuxedos on the left side of the store that had been set aside for prom season. “Feel free to try a few on and let me know when you’ve each decided so I can have them tailored for you.”

“Thank you!” Caleb calls to his receding back, and Adam chuckles.

They turn together to look at the selection, and this time it’s Caleb who has to squeeze Adam’s hand to keep him calm. His eyes pass over the selection and stop on one on a mannequin in the middle with a black jacket and pants, a shiny purple vest, and a crisp white button down. He lets go of Adam’s hand to walk up and closer look. He can see it now: him and Adam taking prom photos on his front lawn, him leading Adam into the venue and onto the dance floor, Adam leaning up and pressing a kiss to his lips as they slow dance —

“Hey, babe, you okay in there?” Adam’s voice snaps Caleb out of his dream and back to the tuxedo store, where Adam stands with a simple black and white suit gently folded over his arm.

“Wha— yes, yes I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Adam, I promise I’m okay,” Caleb repeated. “Just got lost in thought for a second.”

“Okay.” He pauses for a moment. “I’m excited to see you in your tux.”

Caleb furrows his brow. “Isn’t it a thing that we’re not supposed to see each other in our suits before we actually wear them?”

Adam bites his lip to hold back a laugh. “Babe, we’re not getting married! For fuck’s sake, we can see each other in our tuxes before prom. I actually insist on it; you think I trust your taste after you were seriously considering wearing your dad’s tux?”

Caleb blushes. “Hey, don’t insult my dad like that. It was technically in style when he went to prom.” They both giggle together a little bit too loudly, until the employees give them a mildly dirty look and they force themselves to calm down. Of course, it only makes them laugh harder, but eventually they’re able to pull themselves together. “Anyway. Yeah. Let’s try these on.”

They choose two fitting rooms next to each other. Caleb hangs his tux on the hook on the wall before slowly closing and locking the stall behind him and taking a deep breath. He remembers going suit shopping before the Sadie Hawkins dance and feeling a sense of dread, but now all he feels is joyful anticipation not only to put the tux on, but to see Adam in his. Actually, it’s more about seeing Adam in his tux, if Caleb’s being honest with himself, but still. He can’t believe how much has changed in just a little over a year.

Caleb pulls off his t-shirt and jeans and carefully puts on the suit, looking at himself in the mirror once he slides the jacket on. To his surprise, he smiles at himself in the mirror while running his hand through his hair out of habit. He feels Adam’s sparkly bright blue excitement from the stall next door, so he knocks on the wall softly and asks, “You ready?”

“Yep. Ready when you are.” Caleb can hear the smile on his boyfriend’s face, and he almost can’t stand it.

“Okay, count of three.”

“Really, Caleb?”

“Yes! Come on Adam. Have a little fun.”

“Fine, count us off.”

“Okay.” Caleb’s grinning like an idiot now, and he’s never been more grateful for the opaqueness of changing room walls. “One, two, three.”

On three, Caleb and Adam both push open their respective changing room doors and turn to face each other. Adam audibly gasps and Caleb’s jaw drops as he stares openly at his boyfriend. “Adam,” Caleb breathes. “Oh my fucking God.”

“Oh my God, Caleb, no, you look so incredible what the fuck how is this my life?” Adam replies, his usually flawless speech reduced to absolute rambling. But Caleb can barely enjoy the satisfaction of the effect he’s having on Adam because he’s too busy thinking about the tuxedo that Adam’s wearing. It doesn’t have a vest like Caleb’s, but it’s made out of fucking velvet, and Caleb is completely obsessed with how it looks on Adam.

After multiple minutes of the two of them just staring wide-eyed at each other, Caleb hears Adam mutter "fuck it” before pulling Caleb into one of the changing rooms, bracketing him up against the wall with his arms, and crashing their lips together before Caleb has a chance to breathe. There’s part of him that’s still aware he’s in public at a tuxedo shop in Boston, but that part of him is drowned out by the rest of him that is completely focused on Adam. Adam’s fingers tangle in his hair, his lips on Caleb’s neck, his other hand —

“Whoa, okay,” Caleb says, gently pushing Adam back by the shoulder. “As much as I would, fuck, as much as I would love to do so much of that right now, we are in public in tuxedos that we still have to pay a lot of money for.”

Adam smirks, his expression still the hazy one he gets when they’re making out complete with flushed red cheeks and dark eyes he could get lost in forever. Caleb can’t get over just how gorgeous his boyfriend looks like this. “Well that’s easy enough to solve,” Adam says. “We can just take these off.”

Caleb groans loudly. “Adam, what the fuck, no! Where the hell is valedictorian Adam right now?”

“Valedictorian Adam has left the building. You have drunk in love Adam now, and he only cares about one thing.” Adam shakes his head, unable to take himself seriously. “Seriously, you look hot. I mean, you always look hot, but you look hot.”

“Wow, so eloquent,” Caleb replies, moving Adam’s hands off of his hips so he can smooth the suit out. “I don’t know about you, but I love both of these tuxes, so let’s go pay before something happens to them.”

———

Caleb’s doorbell rings five minutes before he told Adam to arrive, which means Adam is right on schedule. His mom answers the door before he has the chance to run downstairs; he can feel the nerves and desire to impress his mother radiating from Adam, but it’s not enough to cover up her pride and adoration. Caleb runs down the stairs, buttoning his sleeves as he goes, and leans in to whisper in Adam’s ear. “Relax, she loves you.”

“I would argue with you, but I know your superpower would prove me wrong, so why bother,” Adam whispers back. Caleb laughs. Neither of them can keep the smiles off their faces.

“You two can come inside, you know,” Caleb’s mother says; Caleb honestly had forgotten that she was still standing there.

“Right, yeah, we’re coming, Mom,” Caleb mumbles, taking Adam’s hand and leading him inside.

“When are Caitlin and her date going to be here? You know, I’m really glad that you all managed to stay close even after everything that happened.”

“Yeah, me too, Mom. She’ll be here in a minute or two, she’s very punctual.” As if on cue, the bell rings again, and Caleb opens it to reveal Caitlin and her date, a guy named Andrew from her math class.

“This is Andrew. Andrew, Caleb and Adam. Caleb and Adam, Andrew.”

“Caitlin, relax, just have fun. It’s good to see you, you look nice,” Adam says. And he’s right, she does. She’s wearing a pink sparkly high-low dress with pink high heels and white flowers braided into her hair, and it’s not something he would have ever expected to see her wear, but he has to admit that it suits her.

“Thank you, you do too,” she replies before turning to Caleb. “Well, this is a little different from the last time we went to a school dance together, isn’t it?”

Caleb laughs. “Fuck, you’re so right.” It takes him a moment to realize he hasn’t invited them in yet, so he does, and his mom positions them in that super cliche prom pose he always sees all over social media every single year. He can’t even be mad about it, though, because as he rests his hands at Adam’s waist, he feels five people’s worth of bubbly joy hit him all at once. Normally, that many people feeling the same emotion all at once would be way too overwhelming, but tonight, it’s not, so Caleb lets himself bask in the soft warmth of it all.

Once his mom has taken as many photos as her phone has the space for and gone through the whole “my son is so grown up!” cliché mom thing as Adam rolled his eyes and looped his arm around Caleb’s back, Caleb finally waves goodbye to his parents and leads Adam, Caitlin, and Andrew to his car. He holds the passenger side door open for Adam, who gives him a big smile as he closes it softly before walking around to the driver’s seat and sliding in. Once everyone’s seatbelts are on, Caleb starts the car and one of the playlists that Adam made for him immediately starts playing through the speakers. It’s one of the sappier ones, because of course it is, and Caleb blushes as he reaches to switch to something else, but Adam grabs his wrist to stop him, whispering, “It’s okay, babe, leave it on.” Caleb nods and pulls out of the driveway.

The glow of happiness from Adam only intensifies as they get closer and closer to the venue, and Caleb even hears him singing along softly to the playlist as Caitlin and Andrew chat in the backseat.

———

The second Caleb’s car is in park, he scrambles out of the car to get around to Adam’s side so he can open the door for him, and Andrew does the same for Caitlin. The second Adam is fully standing, he grabs Caleb’s hand and gives it a squeeze, and Caleb never wants to let go.

The parking lot is fairly empty (Caitlin had insisted they get there as early as possible), but as they walk up the steps and approach the large double doors, Caleb can feel the emotions of everyone inside all at once — all nerves, excitement, and love. He lets go of Adam’s hand so he can bring both hands up to cover his ears with them; even though he knows it doesn’t do a single thing to help, it’s all he can think to do.

“Caleb?” Adam’s voice breaks through the shield and reaches Caleb’s ears, and he turns to his boyfriend with fear and guilt in his eyes. “Caleb, look at me. Take a deep breath, just like Dr. Bright said. In, out. In, out.”

Caleb does as Adam instructs while Adam tells Caitlin and Andrew to go in ahead of them, and after a few moments Caleb lowers his hands to his sides again, reuniting his left hand with Adam’s right. Adam squeezes his hand. “Remember, babe, I’m here to keep you green.”

“Thank you. I… I’m so sorry, Adam. You deserve a better night than this. I just can’t get it together enough to deal with my stupid classmates all at once, and I —“

“No, Caleb, don’t apologize,” Adam says, cutting off Caleb’s self-deprecating monologue. “It’s okay. At least it’ll be mostly good feelings tonight, right? And if you ever feel like it’s too much, let me know and we can leave, okay? You matter more to me than some stupid prom,” Adam says, and Caleb knows he means every word of it.

“I’ll be fine,” he replies. “I wouldn’t want to ruin this night for you.”

Adam shakes his head, grinning. “Gosh, you dork, it’s already perfect and it’s more than enough, it’s more than I even dared to dream about. Don’t worry about me.”

“I thought you were the dork,” Caleb teases, feeling more like himself again.

“You’re a dork sometimes too. Come on, let’s head inside.”

They walk through the doors and check in at the table in the lobby before heading into the main room and finding the table that Caitlin and Andrew had found and saved for them. A Top 40 hit blasts out of the speakers and a bunch of students are dancing in the middle of the room, but most are chatting with friends and grabbing appetizers. Caleb is still adjusting to the emotions in the room, so he sinks into a chair at the table, Adam taking the one next to him. He’s content to just stare at Adam for a few moments, the velvet tuxedo and purple bow tie that he’d picked out to match Caleb’s vest and pocket square somehow even cuter on him than when they’d first gone shopping.

Adam catches him staring and stands, leaning in to kiss Caleb on the cheek. “I’m going to grab us some mini hot dogs, okay?” Caleb nods, watching Adam walk across the room. A couple of their classmates stop Adam to say hi, and the shocked look on his face and the feeling that comes with it just makes Caleb fall in love with him all over again. He’d never looked forward to prom before the way the rest of the school did, but once Adam entered his life, he’d suddenly begun counting down the days. Not for himself, though; he just wanted to make this night as perfect as possible for Adam, for both of them together.

He gets an idea.

———

They’re just finishing up their main course meal when Caleb hears it, and he breaks into a grin.

“What?” Adam asks, confused.

Caleb just points to the speakers. “Listen.” He watches Adam’s face as he tilts his head to hear better, and he knows that the opening chords of ABBA’s “Super Trouper” have reached his ears when Adam’s whole face lights up.

“Caleb, oh my fucking God,” he says, covering his face. “How did you do this?”

“Asked the DJ while you were up getting food.” Caleb gently pulls Adam's hands away from his face. “Come on, come dance with me.”

He can feel the confusion from his classmates, but he doesn’t care about any of it as he pulls Adam onto the dance floor and lifts their arms to twirl him around. Adam looks nervous, so Caleb starts singing along, probably making a huge fool of himself, and Adam laughs and visibly relaxes. “You’re ridiculous,” Adam says.

“You love it,” Caleb replies, twirling him again.

By this point, they’re not alone on the dance floor anymore, and as the song ends, Caleb’s eyes lock with Adam as the last “somewhere in the crowd there’s you” rings out.

———

They’re a few hours into prom now. The food is pretty much all gone, and Caleb can tell that some people in the room are more than a little drunk; thankfully not enough for them to get him drunk too, but enough that it’s noticeable.

Caleb, Adam, Caitlin, and Andrew had just sat back down after a few of their favorite songs played in a row when the music fades out. Caleb looks up to see Principal Stevens standing at the front of the room with the microphone in his hand.

“Okay, everyone, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the crowning of this year’s prom king and queen.” He unfolds the first slip of paper in his hand. “This year’s prom queen… is Caitlin Park!”

Caitlin stands and waves as she walks up to accept her crown. Adam cheers extra loud, and Caitlin rolls her eyes at him.

Principal Stevens unfolds the second slip of paper. “And this year’s prom king… is Caleb Michaels!”

Everyone in the room is cheering, especially the three people sitting with him, but Caleb is so surprised he doesn’t hear any of it.

“Babe, go!” Adam says, pushing Caleb out of his seat.

“That’s my boyfriend!” Caleb hears Adam shout as he approaches Caitlin and Principal Stevens on the dance floor.

“Principal Stevens, what’s going on? I didn’t even run, I didn’t even think we did this stuff here!” Caleb says.

Principal Stevens just shrugs with a smile. “You must be pretty well liked, Caleb,” he says as explanation, placing the sparkly plastic crown on Caleb’s head.

“You are,” Caitlin adds. “People really think highly of you, Caleb. Just enjoy this. You deserve it.”

“Ready to dance?” Principal Stevens asks them, and Caleb and Caitlin both realize in that moment that being crowned prom king and queen means they have to dance. Together. In front of everyone.

Thankfully, Caitlin reacts quickly. “Actually, Principal Stevens, would it be alright if we each just danced with our dates instead?”

“Would that be okay with you, Caleb?” Caleb nods. “Well, if that’s what you both prefer, then it’s totally fine with me.”

The music starts, and Caleb feels a tap on his shoulder. He spins around to see Adam, gorgeous as ever, in a mock bow with his arm out to Caleb. “May I have this dance, Your Majesty?”

Caleb grins and holds his head high. “You may.”

Caleb rests his hands on Adam’s shoulders as Adam’s hands loop around Caleb’s waist and he presses his face into Caleb’s chest. They sway back and forth together, and for those few minutes, it’s like they’re really alone in the universe, just like they always dreamed.

“Hey,” Adam says, bringing them back to reality when the song changes to a more upbeat one. “Thanks for being my Super Trouper.”

“Anytime,” Caleb replies softly.

[marshmallowgoop]

Goop Plays Kill la Kill the Game: IF (Ryuko Episodes 5-8)

It’s been a while.

Episode 5

Writing about these episodes has been a struggle. I wouldn’t be able to narrow down a single reason for my eight-month hiatus from IF’s story mode, but I can say that it’s difficult to talk about content that is overwhelmingly—and disappointingly—a rehash of scenes I’d already watched before.

Ryuko’s fifth episode especially feels like a game of “spot the difference.” Segments of Satsuki’s story are repeated with astonishingly minor changes, and while this has been an issue with earlier Ryuko episodes (1 and 3), by episode 5, it’s starting to feel very tedious.

I won’t deny that the slight alterations are charming—they very much are! Mako’s contribution to Ryuko and Senketsu’s fight against Nui, for example, is adorable:

Mako: My dad says, “When you’re outnumbered, get more weapons!” An eye for an eye, a blade for a blade!

However, such minimal additions feel like a dishearteningly poor use of the player’s time. If I hadn’t already questioned it before, these chapters really made me question the choice of a two-campaign story mode. 

It’s not that I don’t see the appeal of such a structure; there’s something fun in telling one side of a story and then changing the perception of that story by telling another side of it. Plus, with IF in particular, I think there was a goal—at least to some extent—of confounding players with Satsuki’s ending. I could see Ryuko’s campaign as a means of making the plot more interactive, which is of course fitting for a video game. By not spelling everything out right away, players are encouraged to unravel the mystery and put the pieces together. 

Satsuki: I had a bad dream....

But... there’s just too much overlap for me to feel that the two-campaign structure was the most effective storytelling decision. The choice perhaps makes more sense from a gaming standpoint; it’s easier to focus on one playable character rather than jump around between two. But I don’t know—perhaps it could have been fun to give players a feel for more of this game’s roster all at once. Maybe we could have played as the Elite Four or Ragyo or Nui, too.

Because from a story standpoint? One major letdown of Ryuko’s fifth episode is that actually fighting Nui completely lacks the power that the cutscene in Satsuki’s campaign has.

Sure, that scene certainly doesn’t have the impact of similar moments in the anime (episodes 18 and 21/22), but you can’t really expect it to, and it works well within the context of IF. Ryuko and Senketsu haven’t been through as much together, but Ryuko still keeps her temper under control to prevent a repeat of hurting Senketsu from it again, they burst into battle with “Before my body is dry” playing, and though the animations in the game can be stiff and limited, it’s still sweet. 

Ryuko: Won’t know ‘til I try! So let’s do this!

They sparkle! Their hearts are as one! They’re uniting to take down this threat.

But in Ryuko’s story? You just fight the fight. You miss out on Ryuko shit-talking Nui, you miss out on the song (seriously, was it just the struggling Steam port, or does “Before my body is dry” really not play during the fight?), and most importantly, the emotion I get from the cutscene is largely lost.

Don’t get me wrong—skipping a repetitive scene is appreciated. But at the same time, the omission makes me long for a single story mode. Players could have fought Nui with “Before my body is dry” playing and watched the Satsuki-story cutscene upon victory. That bit of “Satsuki’s” story already focuses so much on Ryuko that in some ways, it honestly feels more “Ryuko” than Ryuko’s story! Why not just have a unified story mode?

Ryuko’s episodes shine when they significantly differ from what players already witnessed in Satsuki’s campaign. The very beginning of episode 5 is charming because seeing Ryuko just wanting to smash things is legitimately amusing.

Ryuko: Oh! So, I just gotta smack ‘em all in the head.

But this could have easily fit into a single story that switched perspectives. And in fact, moving into episode 6...

Episode 6

It’s almost humorous that Satsuki’s story has purposeful omissions to “justify” the existence of Ryuko’s campaign. I am astounded at how Mako literally does not exist in the Satsuki equivalent of Ryuko’s sixth episode:

Seriously, what? This reminds me of Kingdom Hearts jokes about how it’s rude of Disney movies to totally edit out Sora, Donald, and Goofy.

But jokes aside, the Kingdom Hearts comparison actually has some real weight in regards to IF. In Kingdom Hearts, the Disney worlds are—at least, in my opinion—the most fun and engaging when they do more than simply rehash the films they’re based on with Sora, Donald, and Goofy added. In the same way, Ryuko’s campaign in IF is the most fun and engaging when it does more than simply rehash Satsuki’s campaign with Mako added.

And why was Mako even literally edited out of Satsuki’s cutscenes in the first place? It’s really a bigger discussion, but this choice only adds to my frustrations with how Kill la Kill handles Mako’s character. I’ve already written about my beef with the anime in that regard, but IF is even worse. Mako’s so inconsequential to the story (at least thus far) that she can be totally cut out and have absolutely nothing change. For goodness’ sake, she sleeps for a good chunk of her screentime!

Which... is actually an issue I have with the Grand Summoners crossover game, too....

Ryuko: She’s [Mako’s] already asleep!

But in any case, Mako’s presence in the IF story seems to be purely because she’s a popular character. It’s disappointing to me that Kazuki Nakashima couldn’t find more things for her to do.

And it’s sad that she’s literally edited out of Satsuki’s scenes. I really cannot get over that. What the what.

More to the actual content of Ryuko’s sixth episode, the first part is just old hash browns (plus Mako), but the second part is much more intriguing. I find it curious that Senketsu knows right away what the Primordial Life Fiber is, but Ryuko doesn’t. Does he have a connection with it that Ryuko lacks because her Life Fibers haven’t been awoken yet?

Senketsu: That... is what’s known as the Primordial Life Fiber.

Also, same, Mako, same. I also call Nui and Ragyo’s Primordial Life Fiber-y attacks in this game “meatballs.”

Mako: Ooooh! It looks like a big ol’ meatball!

I feel like my previous write-ups on IF already express a lot of what I could say regarding this episode, but I will again reiterate that the character interactions are charming. It’s nice to hear Ryuko laugh (even if in a taunting way), and the Elite Four are absolutely adorable.

Ryuko: Ha! Whatever. I’d like to see you try!

Houka: Oh, my God. Do they have to be so loud? Our enemies can hear us from a mile away.

And since this is a video game and all, in regards to the one fight in episode 6, it’s a bit of a pain; battling multiple enemies doesn’t make for the most enjoyable experience because of the camera and inability to properly lock on to targets. But IF excels in the little details. The dialogue when other characters join you for the fight is as amusing as always. 

There really should be subtitles, though. It’s super poor accessibility.

Episode 6 also briefly questions the nature of the world. Earlier episodes of Ryuko’s campaign had Senketsu—and Nui—note that something felt off about time. Here, Senketsu outright says that time in the Fiber Palace is “seems unstable,” and interestingly, the camera focuses on Ryuko when he wonders if it’s the location or “something else” that’s causing the abnormality.

Senketsu: The flow of time here seems unstable. Is this place causing it to happen...? Or... is something else triggering it....

It’s not in this episode, but given that Ragyo later describes Ryuko as “the singularity,” perhaps she is the one messing up the world.

I think Ryuko sums up my thoughts, though.

Ryuko: I don’t get what’s goin’ on.

Of course, probably the most notable aspect of episode 6 is the ending, and while I could see right through what was happening, I have to admit that Ryuko going at Mako with the Scissor Blades is a stellar finish.

Ryuko: I still gotta get revenge for my dad.

Senketsu: What are you doing, Ryuko?!

Episode 7

However...

Ryuko: Oh, blow it out yer ass... Nui Harime!

I got some issues with this.

For those who have been Kill la Kill-ing for as long as I have, you might remember that there was a flood of Mako-is-Nui theories immediately after the show’s finale. Amusingly, character designer Sushio outright denied the idea in a Tweet, and a Studio Trigger panel at Anime Expo 2014 (6th post from the top) also shot the notion down.

aranbeik: is it [the Mako-is-Nui theory] true????

Sushio: It is no relationship at all

But fake Makos actually ain’t absent from Kill la Kill. In the official Drama CDs that came packaged with Japanese releases of the anime, there are two instances of fake Makos. The first happens in CD 1, where Maiko Ogure impersonates Mako for a huge portion of the runtime. The second happens in CD 4, where—“funnily” enough—Nui herself impersonates Mako after Ryuko has her heart brutally ripped out of her chest by her own mother.

And here’s my issue with IF’s portrayal: in both of these Drama CD cases, Ryuko is fooled. Mako isn’t Mako for tons of the first CD, and Ryuko doesn’t notice. And, in the Nui situation, it’s Senketsu who has to tell her that the “Mako” before them is not actually Mako. Which goes completely counter to what IF does!

It’s not that I’m against Ryuko recognizing a fraud, but her inability to in the Drama CDs lends insight into her character that I find fitting. Ryuko fails to identify the fake Makos in the CDs because Ryuko initially closes her heart off to the girl—something she outright admits in episode 22 (and which the English dub makes particularly prominent).

Ryuko: Yeah, you [Mako] too! You’re like the most persistent chick I ever met! You didn’t care if I pushed you away! You kept coming back and coming back like a yo-yo!

However, after ripping Junketsu from her body, Ryuko becomes far more open, and it’d be really powerful for her to correctly identify a fake Mako then. It’d show how their relationship has grown and become stronger.

In IF, Mako and Ryuko have hardly had the development they undergo in the anime, and further, Ryuko’s explanation for how she knew it was Nui doesn’t make a lick of sense!

Nui-Mako: How’d you know it was me?

Ryuko: Easy! After Mako wakes up, she’s always got drool on her face.

As Ryuko seemed to have already deduced that “Mako” was Nui before even looking at her, how in the world does this work?

Episode 7 has more questionable character writing for Ryuko later on, too. I’ve already written at great lengths about how I find her attitude regarding murder totally OOC, but Nui’s death scene also has such a strange line regarding Ryuko’s feelings towards Satsuki:

Nui: Guess who ordered me to take the Rending Scissors from your daddy! Give up? It was Satsuki!

Ryuko: If she did, she musta had a good reason for it.

As sweet as the sentiment is, and as much as I understand that it’s there to point out how not even Nui can tear apart Ryuko and Satsuki’s bond, it leaves me totally baffled. Satsuki must have had a good reason to issue the order that killed her father, and Ryuko’s chill with that? At this point in the story, the kind of unwavering faith in Satsuki that Ryuko displays here is completely unearned. I could see Ryuko at the end of the anime feeling this way, but IF Ryuko? Not at all! She barely knows Satsuki!

But for all my gripes regarding the storyline, we Kill la Kill fans are starving. (Well, at least I am, anyway.) Even if Ryuko’s words to Nui make no sense, it is something I would have liked the anime to explore more, and the character interactions here are undeniably sweet. I love Ryuko and Senketsu’s banter and how it shows how comfortable and in tune with each other they are. I love Ryuko’s silly dialogue to Satsuki and how Satsuki smiles at it, telling us that even the “ice-cold” Student Council President can’t help but get a bit soft at this dorky shounen protagonist.

Ryuko: I hate family drama. But I said I’d save Satsuki, sooo...

Senketsu: I had a feeling you’d say that.

Ryuko: Looks like you’re having a really shitty day, Satsuki!

The battle that finishes up this episode, with “Blumenkranz” playing in the background and the Elite Four and Satsuki joining the fight with cute dialogue, is a joy, too. There are a lot of little details that I really appreciate.

(I also realized this time around that you can stop Ragyo’s Instant Kill and didn’t get obliterated by Shinra-Kouketsu like I did in Satsuki’s story.) 

Ragyo: Your sins shall be purged along with your pathetic body!

Episode 8

But in regards to the plot of IF, Ryuko’s eighth episode finally starts dropping some more answers. As the ending of Satsuki’s story had implied, the world is outright said here to be her dream, created from Junketsu:

Ragyo: Junketsu took your [Satsuki’s] dreams and made them tangible. That is the distorted world we see now.

However, I still can’t say I get it. When Satsuki wakes up at the end of her story, it’s the start of episode 1 of the anime. She hasn’t come into contact with Junketsu yet, so how has this distorted world even been created in the first place? I guess Life Fibers can just mess with time?

I’m also kinda amused that the world is said to be what Satsuki wants to happen, yet she describes it as a “bad dream” when she wakes up.

But the big “new” information is Ragyo’s assertion that Ryuko is “the singularity”:

Ragyo: I knew it. You were the singularity, Ryuko Matoi.

As Ragyo explains, she could have taken over this fake world (and perhaps merged it with the real one, judging by her comment in Satsuki’s story about how such a world “can even be spun into a single yarn with the Primordial Life Fiber”), but Ryuko got in the way:

Ragyo: Since my Life Fibers are much more powerful than Junketsu’s, I could’ve taken this planet over. Then, I could’ve enslaved humanity and begun the process of turning it... into a Cocoon Sphere. Yes, I could’ve. If it wasn’t for your existence, Ryuko Matoi.

Now, there have been hints that something’s up with Ryuko all throughout IF, but I can’t say I really know what to make of it. Senketsu remarks that Ryuko’s oddly strong in the first episode of her campaign, Ragyo adds to this and suggests that Ryuko’s affecting the Primordial Life Fiber in the same episode, and then, there also seems to be the implication that Ryuko is triggering the weird sense of time in her sixth episode. The final episode of Satsuki’s story seems to feature Ryuko absorbing Life Fibers, too.

It makes sense for Ryuko to affect Satsuki’s dream world, of course; Ryuko has Life Fibers in her, and she’s also the sister whom Satsuki is ultimately fighting for. I’ve seen theories that the Primordial Life Fiber takes on the shape of a baby to represent the baby sister Satsuki thought she’d lost (and at least in the English dub, Ryuko does refer to the baby as a “she,” further connecting the baby to the lost sister); so perhaps, even if Satsuki doesn’t recognize her connection to Ryuko, maybe the Life Fibers do. Ryuko has power in the dream world because, in a lot of ways, Ryuko is Satsuki’s dream. Maybe that’s the reason that Satsuki only gets flashes of scenes between her and Ryuko in the anime when the baby connects with her, too.

Who knows? I can only hope that episodes 9 and 10 will clear this story up.

I’ve obviously got a lot of questions, but I know this is basically the end. I’m not sure how much explanation to expect going forward, and I’m still wondering about things that don’t even necessarily (?) have to do with the dream world, too. Like, whatever was the point of that moment with Ragyo and one of Senketsu’s scraps? And what was bothering Shiro?

Shiro: There’s just one thing that bothers me...

I said in the beginning of this tl;dr report that I couldn’t pinpoint a single reason for my inability to write it for eight months. But maybe part of the reason is that it’s kind of nice to not know the ending. As long as I don’t play it, there’s still some official Kill la Kill content that I haven’t experienced yet, and it could be anything.

But at the same time, I don’t know how much longer I can go without seeing Senketsu-Kisaragi, so.

The thing—i.e., this monstrous essay—that was holding me back from playing through to the end is now complete! And I’m ready to finally finish this game.

Here’s to hoping that the finale is satisfying 🤞

[skvaderarts]

Apocrypha Chapter Seventeen: Dialogue

Masterlist can be found Here! Thanks!

Chapter Seventeen: Dialogue

Note: Thanks for your feedback on the last chapter, and sorry that this one is several hours late. It seems that I'm more than capable of writing this chapter four days early, but I'm not very good at not sleeping until well past seven in the afternoon. FML. At least I got Wednesday's chapter done today!

(-~-)

The lights in the lobby were dim, providing a soft backdrop to the approaching sunset that was due to settle across the horizon. The shimmering water glistened like a bed of stars, reflecting the menagerie of colors that had just begun to stretch across the sky. Vibrant oranges and reds were paired with docile blues and purples, while white fluffy clouds seemed to rise from the sea itself, reaching towards the very edge of endless skies like mountains composed of white cotton and snow.

Nero paused for a moment as he placed his hand on the door handle. All he had to do was pull it open and go inside, but he wasn't even sure what he was going to do once he was inside of the building. He knew where he needed to go and why, but he didn't have the slightest idea what he was going to say to V once got there. And he didn't even have the key to the room. While he was positive that he could just knock on the door and ask to be let in, he still didn't have a plan of action. Should he just ask V what was going on and then go from there? It was as good a plan as any at this point. 

It was worth a shot.

With a sigh, Nero pulled the door open and stepped into the building, letting the door go as he scanned the room. In all honesty, he's forgotten what side of the building V's room was on. He knew where he and the children would be sleeping that night, but he hadn't had much of a reason to keep track of where everyone else was, especially since there were two wings to the building. Luckily (or perhaps unluckily depending on who you asked) Nero wasn't actually alone in the room. 

The young demon hunter did a double take as he caught sight of Vergil sitting in a chair relatively close to the stairs. He was flipping through a book, but Nero knew for a fact based solely off of the look on his father's face that he wasn't actually reading it. That entire half of the room radiated a level of discomfort and -was that anxiety- that was practically suffocating, and yet Vergil didn't display any of this on his face. He simply looked… bored as if he found the novel he was flipping through thoroughly uninteresting.  Was he actually that adept at hiding his emotions? That would actually explain an awful lot. Maybe Vergil wasn't as emotionless as he had originally guessed.

Well wasn't that a nice big slice of humble pie…

As Nero approached Vergil, he abruptly closed the book with an almost startling snap with not so much as a glance in his direction. He realized then that the older devil slayer had known that he was there from the very second that he had entered the building. Nero had to admit, he was kind pissed at how easily Vergil and V seemed to notice shit like that. And how utterly hard they were to detect in turn. Demons the size of mountains regularly failed to sneak up on him. No problems there. But V walking around his house at night? No dice. That shit scared him literally every time. He'd even managed to sneak up on him in the middle of his fight with Goliath in Redgrave, and he'd been walking around with a metal cane at the time! How the hell were they both so incognito? Was it genetic? Because if so, he hadn't inherited that gene.  He was perfectly willing to believe that Vergil was just that light on his feet. After all, he was pretty graceful and well coordinated as a general rule. As much as it loathed him to admit it, Vergil just had a way of making difficult shit look effortless? And the easy stuff? Total overkill. 

But V?

Well…

"You're going to tell me that I shouldn't have done that. Clearly I didn't know." Vergil leaned over and placed the book down, hovering over his legs for a moment as he planted his elbows on his knees. He had a distant look on his face as he glanced in his direction as though he had been through this conversation exhaustively and expected such a statement."  But regardless…  your right. I suppose my response was unwarranted for the most part.

Nero felt a wave of confusion hit him as he literally gave him a sideways look. What had Vergil just said to him? "Yea, I guess. Um… are you okay?"

Vergil shot him a vaguely disapproving, his brow furrowing slightly. Nothing about this situation was humorous to him. "I didn't know you found this predicament entertaining."

The younger demon hunter waived him off, shaking his head. The last thing he needed right now was to get thrown through the front window. If there was one thing he'd figured out it the short time he'd known Vergil it was that he tended to convert any of his negative emotions directly into unbridled rage, a response that he could only assume was involuntary considering that it seemed to directly clash with his otherwise calm, cool, and collected demeanor. Hell, if he was more mellow and less overtly intimidating, he and V could pass off as…

Oh god, were they really that much alike?

It was actually somewhat disconcerting.

"No, no, hey, I don't start. I was being serious! You seem kinda… I donno, upset?" Nero shrugged uncomfortably, unsure of how to describe his intent without seeming purposefully contrary. He wasn't used to really being concerned about Vergil. It was strange." The way I see it, this is both of our faults. I came up with that stupid plan in the firs place. If I hadn't asked him to help me…"

Vergil straightened slightly, giving him a curious look. He didn't seem upset. In fact, his demeanor actually seemed more at ease. It occurred to him that Vergil probably already knew that, but might be surprised that he was actually willing to admit it. He probably wasn't used to that. Or used to having an actual conversation with someone.

 "I guess what I'm trying to say is that not everything bad you're involved in is entirely your fault, ya know?" Nero said with a sigh. He wasn't sure he was very good at this sort of thing, but he was trying. And he was hoping that Vergil was at least willing to do that much." Look… what are you doing sitting down here? Did you even try talking to him, or did ya just follow him to the hotel?"

The older of the two glanced away for a moment before staring up at the ceiling fan for a moment. He seemed to be considering what Nero had said to him. Was there actually a universe where everything wasn't his fault? Did Nero actually think that?

"... Is this about your brother, or about me?" The Darkslayer gave him a serious and unrelenting stare, but it wasn't laced by the cool, barely concealed irritation anger that had been there so frequently when Nero had first encountered him. He'd just asked him a genuine question, and Nero wasn't actually sure what to say to that. He knew what he thought, but how to articulate it? That was a different matter entirely.

"Look… I don't know. Both of you, I guess. What does that have to do with you not going up to talk to him?" Nero said, folding his arms and tilting his head in the direction of the stairs.

Vergil didn't move, but his gaze traveled towards the floor slightly, breaking the eye contact that Nero had inadvertently drawn him into. This conversation actually made him uncomfortable, didn't it? That was good. Maybe Vergil would actually give him a straight answer then.

"He has no desire to speak with me. I know that. I don't need to disturb him to confirm that." Vergil's tone quieted a few octaves as he spoke, but was still as firm and audible as it normally was.

Nero's slightly irritated glare softened some. There was a certain level of resigned despair and… was that regret in his voice? Vergil was actually sorry, wasn't he? He was capable of believing that he could regret something that he'd done. He got the distinct feeling that he regretted a lot of his past actions. But then why didn't he express that better? It wasn't easy to admit when you'd done something wrong, but for fuck sake…

How had Vergil and V turned out to be this bad a conversation and expressing their emotions? It was astoundingly sad. He had to do something about that. After Dante was better at…

Shit they were all like this, weren't they?

Fuck.

In an attempt to regain his father's attention, he leaned over him slightly, gripping the arm of the chair in an attempt to maintain his balance and keep himself from face planting through the glass coffee table and breaking his teeth on the floor. Vergil would probably flip his shit if he did that. Clearly he'd had enough child injury for one day.

"Or maybe that's exactly what he wants you to do? I mean do you ever ask other people for help?" Nero stared at him firmly. Vergil immediately stated back. He sensed a challenge.

"I have no desire to… I don't need-" Vergil was too irritated by the perceived accusation to ever respond properly. He seemed slightly flustered, and the fact that he couldn't hide that and that Nero could see right through him seemed to really piss him off.

"Oh, so you're just going to feed me a load of bullshit then, hu?" Nero said, keeping the mild amount of entertainment he'd derived from that statement at bay. He already knew Vergil was going to say something like that. No use in getting upset about it." Go up stairs and talk to V. It's not like you have somewhere else to go tonight anyway. You have to sleep at some point."

"No, he totally doesn't. Vergil basically never sleeps. It's pretty creepy."

Nero glanced over his shoulder, shooting Dante a startled glare mixed with a questioning look. When had he come in? Since when was Dante that sneaky? And why didn't Vergil say anything. Was he just going to let him eavesdrop? "So what the fuck were you planning to do all night, then? Just ignore him? How can you sleep with him at your office?!"

Dante shrugged. "Look, I don't know. He's already stabbed me several times, once with my own sword. Not much else he can really do that would surprise me at this point. I'm just kinda along for the ride." He glanced between them and then over towards the stairs, closing his eyes and then sighing." Look… you go talk to V. I'm gonna talk to my dear old brother here. Then you can do whatever you want with him. I just wanna go to bed sometime tonight. Hope V's alright."

Vergil seemed horrified by the prospect of having that conversation with Dante, his brow raising slightly as he shot him a disapproving glare. There was more concern and discomfort in his eyes than anger despite everything. It was as if both the father and son were wondering what Dante could possibly be aiming to add to this already dying conversation. After a moment, Nero shrugged and stood up all the way. Whatever. That probably wasn't an awful idea. While he didn't have the highest hopes for their ability to talk things out after seeing their track record in action, he knew that at the end of the day he could just kick both of their asses again if they decided to do something stupid or get in a huge brawl in the middle of the hotel lobby. And if all else failed, he could get Patty and Kyrie to come in and give them a stern talking to. They didn't seem to be able to resist that one.

Nero repressed the urge to ask both of them why they didn't just get up and go tell V how they both felt and groaned. They really were twins, weren't they? Equally insane but in different ways. He would go talk to V, and they would sit down here and hash it out. And there would be hell to pay if they didn't, vacation or no vacation.

(-~-)

Oh boy, I don't know if this is going to be more fun or more painful to write lol! But at least they are talking, right? Thanks for your comments on the last chapter! I'll see you all next week on Wednesday! Stay safe out there and make sure to take some time to decompress. Everything is insane right now.

[thedovahcat]

And Then There Was...Wildstar

Since today is the anniversary of the shut down announcement, or at least I think it is, and cuz I’m a copycat and I’ve seen a few people’s introspective posts flying around my dash today, it’s time to add my experience to the pile.

Where do I even begin with Wildstar? It came around during an EXTREMELY volatile time in my life, aka the end of the teens and my early twenties. The real ‘formative years’ if you asked my opinion on it.

I had been an avid WoW fan since I could first play at the age of 13, which had to have been about 2007-2008 abouts. When 2013 or so rolled around, I had been told by friends that a new MMO was coming out, and that it was all space-western-y, my two greatest loves.

Naturally I waited, along with everyone else for a beta, and got in and instantly fell in love with what we’d come to know as Nexus. I was star-struck. The art, the music, the style, the humor, everything hit home with me like no other game had at that point, and I was ready to throw WoW to the wind to go full time and soak up as much of those space rays as I could. And it was even better because it was going to be with friends! I had already established I wanted to bring Rev over and start anew in the Dominion. I had so many new plotlines and ideas whirling around in my head faster than a tornado over a bee farm.

Unfortunately, during this time as well, I saw Wildstar as an escape.

I was being bullied away from WoW at the time by someone who wanted what I had. You think, “Who would do that?? What did they try to do, Dovah?” Many things really. At first they were small aggressions disguised as an interest in trying to befriend me, then that curtain dropped and the aggressions got bigger and bigger.

It was like watching something rot out from the inside. Was I absolutely jealous they were trying to steal a close-now-best friend from me?? Absolutely. I knew it was intentional. I could see it written on the walls. And while I was accustomed to this kind of shit occurring in real life and on the internet to some degree, it only really hurt because for a while, nobody believed me.

Rumors had been planted, people had been told lies and god knows what else, that I was the bad guy of this story. Accused of doing everything that was being done towards me at the same time. It was just another episode of ‘Who Started The Drama’ on Wyrmrest Accord, business as usual amiright?

And I won’t lie, I did try to retaliate several times to stop everything. I got desperate. Said things I meant, said things I didn’t mean, to the point where I couldn’t tell which was which anymore. Everything was wrapped in a huge burrito of panic and fear. And will I be ashamed of that, possibly for the rest of my life? Absolutely positively one hundred percent yes.

After a while, I didn’t fight back anymore. I didn’t make public call-outs, naming names. Sure, did I tell people about it if they asked? Of course, but in private only (because it turned out they too had suffered a similar situation like I was at the time.) Or, sometimes I told people unprompted in private because we happened to talk about our experiences being caught in drama, and I never hesitated to give my side of the story. The side that was RARELY ever heard, to my knowledge. I wanted as many people as possible to know what this person was like and what they were doing to me. For my own sanity, and for the sake of getting the truth out there in some form or another. It was relatively contained as far as I knew, so I rolled over onto my back, ready to accept my lot in life once again as someone’s punching bag because they were jealous of me and what I had and just would NOT go away no matter what happened. Naturally, I thought it really was all my fault that this was happening. We all jump to that conclusion at least once or ten times.

And then came Wildstar, and it had started to look very tempting.

I could start over. I could get away from it all. I could play with my friends ‘in secret’ and not have to worry about being slandered or god knew whatever ELSE had been done at that point on WoW, or wherever else.

Foolish was I to think that my troubles had ended there.

Many people from WoW came to play Wildstar, which was both a blessing and a curse. Moreso the latter in my case.

The person in question found out, began to main the same faction, and just put their hands on everything all over again. I felt as though I had hit a reset button, everything just started over once again. They told people about me, they got me blacklisted and blocked from one of the biggest RP guilds ever to hit the server at the time, and who knows where it branched out from there.

I went silent again. Kind of like a dog with its tail between its legs. The Dominion was no place for me, so, what was I to do?? I didn’t want to abandon this game and world I’d come to love so much in such a short amount of time.

I had never taken an interest in the Exiles. For some reason they hadn’t appealed to me at first. They were the overrated good guys. The underdogs that would always win. I wanted to play the ‘bad guys’ and do my whole spiel about making them more than JUST the bad guys.

But suddenly? As dramatic as it sounds, the Exiles, suddenly sounded very appropriate, in terms of matching up to how I felt.

Exiled. For stupid shit ‘crimes’ I never ‘committed.’

So, I rolled up my sleeves and rerolled Rev’s character, deciding to branch him out in a different direction entirely. I ended up with Roger, and was dumped out into the Gambler’s Ruin, the complete shamble-of-an-arkship. And after that? The frosty bitter cold of the Northern Wastes.

My friend had offered to make another character with me, so that we could play together without being bothered. I had a glimmer of hope. Everything wasn’t over and I wasn’t dead yet (but man did I feel it) and so I pressed onwards.

I saw Algoroc for the first time and all its rolling plains and roans and the mountains and the whole wide open range. It felt so much different than the stormy Levian Bay, or the dark and gloomy Ellevar. The music was lighter, more upbeat, more ‘western’, which is silly because I had stated earlier that that was what I was looking forward to the most. The WESTERN COWBOY YEEHAW aspect of it.

Things were brighter, no less colorful, happier, hopeful. There was SO much land to explore and so many things to do. I was ready. Ready to start all over one more time. So I did.

I made my way through the area, learning about the Exiles and their culture, and the Eldan and whatever sinister happenings they had going in beneath the surface.

Before I knew it, I had reached Thayd, and was absolutely blown away by the size of the city. I was used to large environments from WoW, no doubt. But Thayd felt so interactive for some reason or another. Maybe it was the art style or the NPCs inhabiting it (and the players of course). But it felt alive. There were so many nooks and crannys to get lost in, how will I ever see this whole entire city?? I wondered.

It was a broken mish-mash of all that the Exiles slapped haphazardly together. Different people that didn’t fit together, trying to make something out of lots of little pieces of seemingly nothing.

It was a whole symbolic thing for me essentially.

After that I felt like I was home, in yet another dramatic sense.

Thayd felt right, what with its trashy streets and mismatched themes. Illium and its golden and crimson towers had never struck me as somewhere I belonged.

From that point on, things blur. I explored Galeras after that, introduced to the dire situation that was the Dominion descending upon the Exiles, ready to blast them all to kingdom come to reclaim a planet they believed theirs. I felt the tension, in a good way. It was a great story waiting to unfold, I thought. And I get to see it all from the beginning and be a part of it. I was absolutely ecstatic.

And then, from there, I went to Whitevale. One of the most FRUSTRATING ZONES I will never forget. I don’t even remember why. Maybe it was the size. Over time, I grew to love it in its own weird way, only because I departed for the damn MOON (Farside) afterwards and realized I hated the lack of gravity.

But, despite all. I had so much fun.

I thought about Roger and how he’d come to the Exiles, because I still wanted him to have a connection to the Dominion somewhere. I wanted to try exploring new character tropes and such with him, I wanted to be bold and take chances with ideas and do things I’d rarely seen people do (in my case? Traumatic brain injuries, good going.) I did myresearch, I kept exploring the world, I put all the pieces together little by little and I crafted a story. A story that grew larger and larger and larger and branched out to other characters I created alongside just Roger.

Suddenly I had an entire ‘world’ on my hands. Maybe not one the size of all of Nexus in this instance, but it was ROGER’S world.

I had locations planned thanks to the housing system, I had different story lines going alongside the ‘main one’. Every so often they would mesh and meet up and affect one another, and the ‘world’ would continue to grow from there.

These characters, new as they were, suddenly had lives. They had history, they had jobs, they had all those little aspects of fictional characters that bring them to life. Personalities, likes and dislikes, feelings, all of it. I was no stranger to creating characters, of course they did! In fact, most of them were based off many existing characters I had already HAD, just Wildstar-ified.

Over time, they became their own separate entities, only because they had grown and branched out into different directions I had never dreamed they would.

I don’t remember how long I had been in this enormous creative process of planting my roots. Maybe a year or two? It didn’t really matter. I was having the absolute time of my life.

However, on the back burner I knew all those awful things were still being said about me out there. I continued to play the game and storycraft mostly by myself. I knew if I stayed away from the masses that were WSRP, then no one would ever have any ‘proof’. No one could twist anything I said, or twist interactions I had with people, and use it against me.

You can’t accuse someone of something or things when all they do is play by themselves in their own little box all day long, can you? That was my line of logic.

Naturally I still got blocked from people’s tumblrs and such, which I found out on complete accident when I would try to fav posts. I never showed up to events. I did my artwork and only did artwork of my or my friends characters. Everything was very controlled.

And then one fucking day in August, my name gets tagged in someone’s call out post. At first I fucking panic, because of course. What did I do NOW? I made EXTRA SURE to stay out of everyone’s way. Who could POSSIBLY HAVE A BEEF WITH ME-

I checked the post.

Turns out, I wasn’t the one being called out.

No.

It was that person who’d been HOUNDING me for several years at that point, who was finally being called out.

The original poster had mentioned my name because, according to their words, and I’ll never forget it, ‘they heard through the grapevine’ that all that nasty crap had happened to me. Turns out, I wasn’t the only one who had been treated this way. MANY other people had been. There had to have been a good two handfuls of them out there, maybe more, who had been harassed by this person and their crummy friends. I was named in the post, and all the abuse I had took was relayed to the entire damn community (however it was worded in a way that it had to have been from an outsider’s perspective who’d heard the rumors spread about me, and never spoke to me directly. Cuz I didn’t know ANY OF THESE people and some of the details were wrong...but I digress.)

My business was practically on the front page of the Wildstar and WoW RP community (A smaller portion of the latter.) People had known about what happened to some degree. They had been on the receiving end of these rumors, they heard all the bullshit, they looked me up, they saw I had no dirt to my name. Never did anything to anybody. Maybe some of the stories I had told got relayed to them via playing telephone with other people, I’ll have no real way of knowing for certain.

If people didn’t know me then, they sure knew me NOW, I thought.

It turned into a hot fucking mess after that. People came out with their stories, people got angry at the victims, or at the abuser. There was collateral damage from what I could see from my spot in the corner.

That bad person was supposedly reprimanded by their guild leader for the backlash they received, though I’ll never know how big it actually was. It was probably really small, realistically. But like I said, I don’t know.

It was only then that I was finally believed. Like, completely. There were always little shreds of doubt with people, but this? This blew it out of the water.

I wasn’t at fault. People saw it wasn’t my fault.

I felt…

Liberated?? Like the shackles of this depressive, anxious...whatever DISASTER state I was in, finally broke off. And so QUICKLY too. I didn’t really know what the hell to do. There was nothing I COULD do except move on and try to recover.

It was OVER. It was finally fucking over and I was at a loss, because I had grown used to living in a state of panic and sadness and anger and god knows what else.

So, slowly, I started to.

I came to the conclusion, now that it was over, or ‘over’, I wanted to make some new friends.

Roger and company had already been set up and I found very little wiggle room for collaboration with people I didn’t know. So? What better way to fix that than make a new character to use to reach out to new folk?

I grabbed one of my older characters I salvaged from a falling out I had had before this entire post began, fixed him up and threw him into Thayd face first.

And so was the infamous Captain Yaedra reborn. With an e added to his fake name because it was ‘Yadra’ before, yet for some reason both names are said exactly the same way.

I had no idea what to do with him. I hated elves. I hated long ears. They were boring. Everyone was making them and beautifying them and whatever else. I was salty. I wanted to create a raccoon more than I wanted an elf.

The zombie aesthetic definitely helped me some.

I played through all the Mordesh areas, trying to learn as much as I could about their history, about Grismara, about the Contagion.

A zombie story...it utterly fascinated me. And considering I had not changed Captain’s outfit design from his original self in the slightest? Once more, I rolled up my sleeves and began to craft a world. Another world.

Yaedra’s entire world. And by extension, my own version of a portion of Grismara.

His hometown, his career, his life, his family, every little bit. I brought it all to life once more, and soon found myself living in the ‘past’ as much as I was living in the ‘present’. As far as character timelines go.

During all this, I tried being nice to random people, or I saw art and commented on it, I tried to be more open with the community, I even joined another small guild and in the end I ended up making some really great friends who I still talk to today!

They loved what I had created. And I loved their creations in turn. We formed a tight knit group of ‘heroes’ if you would. Got into all kinds of IC shenanigans. It was fun, it was silly, it was dramatic. I didn’t feel any pressure to be anyone in particular. I felt like I could be myself, and so could Captain. We were where we belonged. And it was fantastic. And still is.

From there, I met some of their friends, and so on and so on, and I did end up gaining a small bit of presence in the community via commissions and doing my own artwork as well. Things were finally nice, and calm.

I felt like I had waded through a war of some kind, and finally, at long last, it was OVER. Peace had finally COME. I had gone through a lot of mental trauma, but as the months and several years went on, I slowly came around. I tried very hard to. My dragon scales grew thicker as time went on, and my flames certainly hotter.

And, after a while… I found myself playing Wildstar less and less. Not because I hated it, not at all. But because it no longer felt like a crutch to me. I no longer felt as though I needed it to stay afloat. I had grown and changed, for the better no doubt. I learned to stand my ground from all the knocks I had taken, I learned to start speaking up when things were being done to me that weren’t right, or nice, or whatever. Did I end some friendships that way? Sadly, yes.

But I was done. I wouldn’t be ANYONE’S punching bag anymore.

The Exiles toughened me up. I wasn’t about to take ANYONE’S crap and neither was Captain. Both of us, fists BARED.

My time on Nexus dwindled even more.

I went back to WoW out of habit, and spent more time there. Soon enough I was hardly logging onto Wildstar at all. Many people were bored of the game’s lack of ...everything. Content most certainly. You could only do the same things so many times. I wasn’t part of a huge RP guild that constantly had events going, though I was by the end (but even that was kind of flakey because people just weren’t as interested in the game as they had once been.)

I hadn’t thought much about my story lines or characters. They had, over time, fallen into situations and such that I had long resolved. My ‘characters’ were tired of adventure and drama, and I wanted to give them a chance to have their happily ever afters, via ‘soft-retiring’ them. I still wrote stuff and drew art on the side, just….less of it.

In the months before Wildstar, I rarely thought about Nexus at all.

Until the horn sounded with Wildstar’s imminent closing.

For months prior to that, I had been sitting and watching. I knew it had been on the way. NC SOFT being...NC SOFT of course (with Carbine’s mismanagement in general, though at the time I did not know about this,) made this more than obvious.

So it didn’t come as a surprise to me.

If anything, I felt a sort of subdued melancholy about it.

If I can compare it to anything, it was like watching a pet or something grow old. There was the initial excitement of a new friend, and the beginning years were amazing and fast and fun filled and emotional. And then over time, things grew comfortable. I didn’t need to give Nexus my full attention anymore. ‘We’ had this ‘understanding.’ I could always go back to Nexus whenever I wanted. I always had a place there waiting for me. Characters, fun, stories, etc.

And then I began to move on.

Wildstar for me was a lot of things. It was a period of mental destruction, it was a period of rebirth and growth for me as a person, it was a reminder of the roller coaster ride that was good and bad times all bundled into one. It was my ‘growing up’ period. It was the rocky road of a transitional phase from the end of my childhood, to the beginning of my adult years.

Yes I know this might sound silly, all over an MMO that barely lasted at all, and the last thing I wanna do is be silly, but it’s how I felt. I’m not going to try to disguise it as something else, because that was what it all was to me.

The months sped by and before I knew it, it was the last day the server was up. Wildstar would be closing that evening or afternoon, or whatever. I don’t recall the time.

I had sat there debating whether or not to attend that final count down.

A part of me wanted to. I wanted to be there, to send off this MMO that had meant so much to me!

But another part of it told me to not go.

In the end, I did not go.

Not because I would be crying, or throwing a fit or whatever.

The main reason I didn’t go, was because I wanted to remember Nexus the way it was. I didn’t want to see people bunched up in one area, being turned into all sorts of critters, I didn’t want the lag to destroy my computer, I didn’t want to see their storm of messages and how sad everyone was, I didn’t want to read the Caretaker’s countdown messages saying how he’d miss us, in his own special way.

To me, all that meant Wildstar was due to die at any moment. That Nexus would suddenly cease to be, that all these things everyone worked so hard on, would just be gone, in the blink of an eye.

I didn’t want that to be the last memory I had of that place.

And so, the shut down came. The night went on.

I woke up the next morning, and everything felt ok, for the most part. Yes I felt like I was missing a piece of myself, but it was a lot smaller than I can say for some people.

The hole I had in my heart had mostly patched itself up with nicer memories. With the possibilities that were yet unexplored.

As far as I WAS, and am, aware? Nexus isn’t dead. Not at all. It’s just sleeping, for right now. It’s taking a well needed rest. It’s not really gone.

All the stories, all the characters, they exist in our head spaces. They still go on. I still write for them occasionally.

If anything, I feel like they have even MORE to explore now.

These days, people are working or playing already on private servers, and while I entertain the idea of joining one or finding another group to play with… Well, that’s all it really ends up being. An idea.

I’m perfectly happy with what I got out of Wildstar, and what I got to take away from it and keep.

I grew as a person, albeit the hard way (but that’s just how it is sometimes.) My creativity grew, my ability to make better stories and characters grew alongside that. I made new friends that I still keep to this day. That bad person got their just desserts and my most-likely-over-exaggerated-because-I’m-sure-people-have-gone-through-worse-torment was finally put to rest. I had more confidence in myself, yada yada… You get the idea.

Everything had resolved, for the most part.

Everything was said and done, regarding that chapter of my life.

And what a ride it was.

BUT I have to say, if there’s one specific thing I favor, that I got from this entire putrid mess that I would do it all over again for??

I got Cap back.

So, thank you for returning my raccoon to me, Nexus. I’ll never forget it. One day when those private servers are finished and the game is mostly restored, I’ll definitely come back to play through it again, and most likely come up with even more new adventures for me to write and explore.

Until then, cupcakes! Dovah signing off on this...eight page story-rant!

[charmingcentry]

Lie Detector

Entry for Day 3 - 20 Questions

AO3

-

It was a trend spreading across the internet, famous celebrities are taking lie detector tests and this certainly caught Chloe’s attention.

Maybe it’s because of her new life in LA with roommate bedmate Beca Mitchell, a multi-Grammy award-winning musician and herself, a high school teacher for music theory. Surely those professions aren’t exactly on the same ranking but, it couldn’t hurt to take that lie detector test, Chloe is just fairly curious. Sometimes her curiosity breaks through people’s limits.

Taking the lie detector test was an idea suggested by her seniors, nosy ones as a matter of fact - they Facebook stalked Chloe’s college years for goodness sake. When the news spread within the redhead’s music theory classroom that she personally knew Beca Mitchell and that their teacher roomed with her, Instagram stalking came next, Chloe couldn’t do anything to can her student’s loudmouths.

“How did you two meet?”

“Did she always wanted to be a musician?”

“Is that acapella group still running?”

“Are you two in love or dating?”

“Is she always busy?”

Wait, go back.

“Are you two in love or dating?”

It was a question frequently asked by Chloe’s friends, her relatives, and even her colleagues. The redhead would always have to answer dejectedly, no; they are not dating. They do the activities that people in a relationship do, other than the sex and mouth-on-mouth kissing, but they weren’t dating. Yet, there is one part of that question Chloe is quick to respond too. She is in love with Beca Mitchell and she can’t deny any part of it.

Maybe it’s because of how blunt and straightforward the brunette is or how compassionate Beca is. Her maturity level and the brunette’s witty sense of humor is what infatuated the redhead… the little bit of cleavage when the two first met also attracted Chloe. It has been over seven years since the redhead first fell for Beca, and she probably can never get over her. -

Beca’s home, for now, taking a small hiatus from her music career after arriving home from a five-month-long tour. Chloe took Beca’s break as a chance to not only spend more time with her best friend but to take that lie detector test.

Let’s just say after a classroom full of 17 and 18-year-olds pleading for their teacher to take the test with her roommate, Chloe finally gave in.

“So Beca…” The brunette perks her head up, shoveling chocolate ice cream into her mouth, Chloe laughs at the little ice cream trickling out of the corner of her mouth. “Jeez… anyway, my students have been… inquiring some sort of, offer that you may or may not be interested in doing.” The redhead utters, wiping off the ice cream with a napkin

Beca raises an eyebrow. “That’s a weird way to put it… what is it?”

“So uh, you know those lie detector test things?” Beca nods once, stealing a spoonful of Chloe’s strawberry ice cream. “Hey!” Chloe swats Beca’s hand with her own spoon, the brunette managing to steal a spoonful, sticking her tongue out playfully. “Anyway… do you maybe like, wanna take one of those? Just for fun or something.”

“Your idea of fun is being hooked up to a machine?” Beca teases, waggling her spoon around. She immediately notices her friend’s dejected face. “Hey hey, I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” She reaches to touch Chloe’s hand. “Actually sounds pretty sweet, I’m down.”

The redhead lights up, a Cheshire Cat-like grin spreading across her face. “Awes!”

A similar smile slips onto Beca’s face, a blush spreading as well. “Yeah, awes.” Chloe scoops her spoon into Beca’s cup. “Aw come on!”

“It’s payback babe.” Chloe winks, causing the brunette to immediately shut up

“Oh, whatever… where’s are we doing that… lie detector thing?” Beca asks, finishing off her ice cream

“I asked Aubrey if she knows anyone and her cousin's wife actually does those tests (“Wait were you already planning this?”). We can do it for free it’ll be fun!” Beca nods along with Chloe’s statement. “We also get to see Aubrey~ she’ll be tagging along.”

“Yay the dictator is going see me sweating my ass off,” Beca remarks sarcastically, throwing her cup in a trash can behind her.

“Oh please, as long as you answer the questions properly you’ll be fine. And Aubrey won’t be asking anything, just watching.” Beca lets out a monotone cheer. “I know you love her.”

“I do, she just… scares me.” Chloe drops her jaw. “Tell her I swear to god Beale I’ll still tell people you sleep with a nightlight.”

“Touche… anyway come on, let’s go before paparazzi ruin our hangout.” Chloe adds as she walks out the door, Beca still inside the ice cream shop.

“Yeah… hangout.”

The brunette follows Chloe down the street as they make their way to a nearby shopping mall to look for a wedding gift for Amy - she and Bumper somehow reconnected and got back together and are now marrying. Beca feels Chloe’s arm link around hers and finds herself more enlightened when making physical contact with her friend.

“Better tell the truth when the day comes Bec.” Chloe teases as the two strolls into a jewelry store. Beca rolls her eyes.

“Same thing for you Chlo… same thing for you.”

--

“Beca come on we don’t want to be late! Aubrey is already downstairs waiting.” Chloe yells, tapping her foot impatiently. She hears a thud come from the bedroom she shares with Beca and hears footsteps rapidly sprinting down the hall. She arrives at the door, breathing heavily as she stores a paper in her back pocket. “What is that?”

The brunette pushes Chloe out the door slightly and locks their apartment unit. “Questions I’ll be asking you. I thought I lost it.” The redhead slowly peers over Beca’s shoulder and the brunette begins to speed walk. “Nuh-uh Beale, gotta wait!”

Chloe lets out a frustrated groan as she puts her own list of questions into her purse. She calls the elevator to go downstairs to the condo building’s main lobby, Aubrey has been waiting for the two of them for about half an hour. The minute the elevator lands, the redhead squeals of excitement when she notices her blonde friend sitting on one of the chairs in front of the desk. The two share a tight embrace, swaying back and forth dramatically while a smile washes over Beca’s face. Aubrey notices the shorter girl and wraps her in a hug as well, the two are good friends after all.

“Let me guess… Beca was the one not ready?” Before Beca could intervene, Chloe nods enthusiastically as they all walk to Aubrey’s car. “Expected… you were late to nearly every Bellas practice.”

“Hey! My dorm building is across the campus from where we held rehearsals… and you're lucky I even went.” The blonde rolls her eyes with her smile widening as she starts the car. “But, glad to see you, Posen, it’s been a hella long time.”

“You too Beca. Now come on, I wanna see you two try to lie to one another.” The three pull out of the condo’s parking lot building as Aubrey inserts the directions to her cousin’s wife’s clinic, starting the route once the car has merged onto the main road. Although the passenger seat was empty, with the exception of notebooks and binders containing financial information about Aubrey’s lodge, Chloe sat in the backseat with the brunette, keeping her best friend company.

“How’s the lodge doin’ Posen? Last time we went was that retreat.” Beca asks, admiring the views from the moving car.

“Pretty good, it’s fun to yell at people every day other than the sore throat. How was the tour? Sorry I couldn’t make it to any of them…” Beca waves her hand dismissively

“All’s good, Chloe told me when she came to like… five of my shows was it?” Beca questions, turning her head towards Chloe who is fighting back a smile.

“Amy bought all those tickets! But yeah… I missed you! It’s lonely at home without you…”

Aubrey lets out a laugh. “The way you two talk, it’s like an old married couple.” The blonde raises an eyebrow at Chloe through the rearview mirror, merging the car onto the freeway. The redhead blushes and laughs nervously

“You’re not wrong… we had an argument about who was cooking dinner one time.” Beca adds, looking back and forth at Chloe and Aubrey through the rearview mirror. “Even though I burn everything except for Mac N Cheese.”

“Except that one time back in Brooklyn… you made Amy and me some dinner and we came home to the fire alarm blaring. We could hear it from down the hall!”

Beca and Chloe harmlessly bicker and tease one another back and forth throughout the entire car drive with Aubrey laughing along with every remark said. The two really did argue like an old married couple, the result of avoiding to tell each other about their major crushes on one another.

-

“Nice to meet you two, and Aubrey, lovely to see you again. My name is Madelaine and I will help conduct the lie detector test between you two.” The auburn-haired colored lady leads the group into a room where the polygraph is waiting. “I will be reading any sort of microscopic changes to your breathing patterns, sweat, and also blood.” Beca gulps loudly at the last word, she wasn’t very fond of blood - she once fainted after scraping her knee badly as a teenager. “Who will be going first?”

Chloe raises her hand up slightly. “I will.” Madelaine smiles at sits Beca and Chloe down on two chairs, the auburn lady grabbing the equipment for the polygraph examiner. “I will be placing these rubber tubes around your chest and abdomen, these will read your breathing patterns.” Chloe lifts her arms up as Madelaine wraps the air-filled tubes around her body. “Next up is the blood pressure cuff and, of course, will be reading your blood.” She wraps the cuff around Chloe’s upper arm. “And finally, this is the galvanic skin resistance, it will be reading the sweat emitting off of your fingertips.” After Chloe was finished being equipped in the lie detector gear, Madelaine takes a seat at the other end of the table. “Let’s start off with some basics… is your hair color really red?”

“Yes.”

Madelaine gives a thumbs-up. “Is your name really Chloe Beale?”

“Yes.”

The auburn lady smiles at signals Beca to start. Even if the brunette isn’t the one being tested, she is still sweating crazily from nervousness. She turns to Aubrey who is watching the whole event from the corner of the room, smiling at the brunette. Beca turns back to Chloe and pulls out her list of 10 questions.

“Do you enjoy living with me?” Beca asks lowly, looking at her friend straight in the eye.

“Yes.” Madelaine puts a thumbs-up after a moment of silence.

Beca moves down her list. “Have you ever held a party at our place without me knowing?”

The redhead tugs at her bottom lip and the corners of her mouth perked up. “Yes.” Madelaine gives another thumbs-up. “Just the Bellas, nothing too big.” Beca lets out a sigh of relief.

“Do you wish I was home more often?”

Without skipping a beat, Chloe responds. “Yes.” A thumbs-up comes from the polygraph examiner. Beca frowns a bit.

“Aw… I’m sorry. I’ll try to be home more.” The redhead smiles brightly at Beca. “Alright, number four… did you actually like me when you first met me?” The polygraph examiner pen frantically moves. “Friend-wise.” The pen slows back down to its regular pace.

“Yes, yes I did.” Beca turns to Madelaine and is given a thumb-up.

“Aw, see Aubrey I wasn’t that hateable.” The brunette says, turning to her friend who is watching from afar. Aubrey rolls her eyes and shoos Beca away with her hand.

Beca focuses her gaze back on Chloe. “Do you like my puns?”

The redhead mouths ‘sorry.’ “No.” An astonished brunette snaps her head towards Madelaine who gives a thumbs-up. “Your puns are just so bad sweetie.” Beca rolls her eyes as she moves further down the list.

“Oh, whatever… I know you love them… they’re punderful.” Chloe shoots a glare at her friend. “Hehe, sorry. Okay, do you really believe Lilly was possessed by Satan?” Beca notices the horrified expression that developed on Madelaine’s face. “Long story…”

Chloe slightly laughed and cleared her throat. “Oh definitely. Yes.” Madelaine narrows her eyes at the two and slowly raises a thumbs-up.

“Alright, number 7. Were you jealous of how much time I spent with Jesse back in Barden?” The brunette inquiries.

Chloe is taken aback by the sudden change of questions but remains calm. She knows she can’t lie, so she doesn’t. “Yes.” Madelaine gives Beca a thumbs-up.

“To be fair… I did want to spend more time with you…” That washes a smile over the two’s faces. “Anyway, you’re almost done uh. Okay, did you really fail Russian Lit three times just to be a Bella?”

Beca notices Aubrey break out into a coughing fit when the question was asked and Chloe goes pale. The brunette turns back around from a somewhat choking Aubrey and sees the redhead, hesitant to answer as the pens frantically move across the paper. “I… no.” The redhead says. Madelaine gives a thumbs-up.

Beca tugs at her bottom lip before reading the next one. “Did you ever date Chicago?”

“No.” It was true, the two never dated even after that passionate kiss.

“Final question then. Are you in love with someone right now?” Beca notices the polygraph pens rapidly write against the paper and then resume to its regular pattern. Chloe takes a deep breath and looks Beca straight in the eye.

“Yes.”

“Who i-

“Those were all true, good job, Chloe,” Madelaine says, as she detaches the equipment from Chloe’s body, the redhead lets out a gigantic sigh of relief of the test being over and done with. She develops an evil smile as Beca is hooked up to the machine. She looks over at Aubrey who nods her head in the general direction of Beca. Chloe’s smile only grows wider. After the test questions with Beca were over, the redhead pulls her own list out.

“Did you really want to become a Bella at first?”

Beca’s face scrunches. “No… but I don’t regret it, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.” Chloe laughs at how panicked the last part sounded as Madelaine gives a thumbs-up.

“Don’t worry Beca, that’s all good. Alright, do you enjoy the fame?”

“Yes… actually… no.” Madelaine says to say it once more clearly. “No.” Madelaine gives a thumbs-up. “Takes up too much of my time and it’s exhausting. But the fans are worth it.”

Chloe smiles gently at her friend. “Do you like sharing a bed with me?” She notices how red Beca’s face turns as Aubrey opens her mouth in surprise.

“N-no,” Beca utters, Chloe already knowing it was a lie. Madelaine gives a thumbs-down. “Fine, I do…”

“Aw, Bec~” The redhead clears her throat after Beca shoots her a glare. “Okay okay… do you miss your ‘ear monstrosities?’” Chloe asks air quoting the last words that were said.

“No.” Madelaine gives a thumbs-up. “It was a lot of weight on my ears actually.”

“Did you change at all when you dated Jesse?”

“I- yes I did.” Chloe frowns a bit. “It’s fine really…” Madelaine gives Chloe a thumbs-up.

“Do I ever make you uncomfortable?”

Beca furrows her eyebrows a bit. “No.” Chloe feels relieved and quite surprised to see Madelaine give Chloe another thumbs-up… she really thought the brunette would lie more.

“Number seven… do you enjoy it when I hug you?”

The tips of Beca’s ears go red as the polygraph examiner pens start writing rapidly. “Yes…” Madelaine gives an amused thumbs-up, laughing slightly at how flustered Beca was by the question.

“Good to know… did Jesse really break up because of the long-distance?”

Beca gulps as she looks anywhere else except for Chloe’s eyes, she knows she can’t lie at this point. “No.” The redhead glances over at Aubrey who is smirking. “Do you love someone at the moment Beca.”

There was a moment of silence. “Yes.”

There’s no going back. “Is that someone me Beca?”

Beca looks over at Chloe for one moment then back to the floor. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

Madelaine detaches Beca from the machine, saying she passed all the questions except for the one. The auburn lady waves goodbye to the three, giving Aubrey a hug. Beca and Chloe remain silent for a bit until the blonde leaves to go to the bathroom. Chloe turns to face Beca, but the brunette is the first one to open her mouth.

“For my last question… is that someone me? Only fair for you to answer since I did…”

Chloe smiles gently at the brunette before taking her hand. “Yes, it is you. For so many years, it’s always been you.” The brunette tugs Chloe closer and wraps her arms around her neck, pulling in her crush for a tight embrace. “I love you so much Beca…”

“I- I love you too Chlo.”

Beca looks up at the redhead and smiles. Chloe is the one to close the aching gap between the two’s faces, planting her lips onto Beca’s. Her lips are soft against Chloe’s and are kissing back with the same amount of passion as the redhead. Chloe could feel as if she could cry because she’s finally gotten the girl she’s been head over heels for. They pull away hesitantly and slowly when they hear Aubrey’s heels come back from down the hall. After seeing the two pressing foreheads with one another, the blonde knew what was happening.

A lie detector test wasn’t so bad after all.

[bamon4bamily]

TVD 9x03 (part 3) Enjoy!  =)

CAROLINE: Klaus? What…what are you doing here?

KLAUS: Is that a way to greet an old friend? And a very generous one may I add…

CAROLINE: Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting…

KLAUS: I know, love, and I do apologize for the unannounced visit; I tried calling but you seem to have changed your number.

CAROLINE: What brings you here?

KLAUS: A witch friend of mine told me about a rumor, I’m here to verify if it is in fact true. (Stefan walks to the door). And I see it is… I was really hoping that it wasn’t…

KLAUS: Stefan… back amongst the living.

STEFAN: Seems so… What do you want?

KLAUS: No need for the hostility, old friend, I’m just here to help.

STEFAN: We don’t need your help.

KLAUS: Are you really so naive? Do you honestly think people can just come back from the dead without any consequences? Where is Bonnie?

STEFAN: Just stay out of this…

KLAUS: I understand that you are a human now, and probably very confused at the moment, but if you want to have a fighting chance at was is to come, you need to lose the arrogance, old friend.

CAROLINE: (To Stefan) Let’s hear him out, maybe he can help.

STEFAN: Fine.

CAROLINE: Come in, I’ll go get Bonnie (leaves, Klaus sits on the living room couch).

KLAUS: Care to offer a friend a bourbon?

STEFAN: It’s like 11am…

KLAUS: Your point?

STEFAN: Nevermind.

KLAUS: So, tell me, Stefan, how does it feel to be back?

STEFAN: (As he’s serving him the drink) Gotta say, feels pretty good.

KLAUS: I can only imagine... but are you prepared for the repercussions?

STEFAN: Anything is better than being dead.

KLAUS: Oh, believe me, it’s not…

Bonnie, Damon, Caroline, and Alaric walk in.

 KLAUS: Bonnie Bennett, as I live and breathe. (Checks her out) Aren't you a sight for sore eyes.

BONNIE: Klaus, why are you here? What do you want?

KLAUS: Your coldness breaks my un-beating heart, Bonnie. As much as you may resist to believe me, I am here to help you.

BONNIE: I don’t need or want your help.

KLAUS: (To Stefan) Maybe you two have more in common than you think… Listen Bonnie, I heard from a very close friend of mine about you, the linking spell, the source… I can help you.

BONNIE: Why should I believe you?

KLAUS: It might not seem like it, I know we have had our differences in the past, but I care about you… all witches to be exact, but you, Bonnie, you are special.

DAMON: Enough with the flatteries, start talking before I…

KLAUS: Damon, I see some things never change. You really need to work on your patience. (To Bonnie) I reckon you met Darius?

BONNIE: You know him?

KLAUS: Not in person, but he is quite the legend. Back in the day, there used to be many stories about him, and the Bennion coven… everyone thought it was just a myth but as it turns out, it’s not.

ALARIC: How do you know this? There is no documentation on the Bennions, trust me, I’ve done my research.

KLAUS: Well, the witch friend I’m talking about is actually a descendant of the Bennion coven, her real name is Aelish Bennion, ring a bell?

BONNIE: She’s Darius sister. He told me about her, accidentally drowned when she was like 20 something…

KLAUS: Oh, she most definitely did not drown, and it was no accident… but yes, she is his sister. Vanished by her coven after her brother set her up, stole her immortality serum and tried to kill her. Little did he know that Aelish doesn’t make anything unless she tries it out herself.

BONNIE: So, she is also immortal… (sarcastically) great.

KLAUS: She is. After her brother left her for dead she ran as far away as she could, changed her name, got some indie witches to psych-block her mind so her brother could not sense her. Eventually, she befriended a group of witches from New Orleans and settled down there under the name of Danae LeBeau.

DAMON: Stop with the tales from the witch and get to the point.

KLAUS: The point, Damon, is that Bonnie has fulfilled a prophecy, or part of it anyway, and now she has the power to destroy the world, and much more than that… so, we need to make sure that she doesn’t.

BONNIE: I would never do that.

KLAUS: Maye not on purpose, love, but you won’t have much of a saying if you can’t control it. Power can be very overwhelming, you know that well Bonnie, sometimes we do things just to prove that we can, especially when we are angry, or hurt…

BONNIE: Might be so, but like I said, I would never do that.

KLAUS: You are different now Bonnie, you don’t know yourself well enough to ensure it’s not a possibility.

DAMON: (Lashes out at him) Don’t pretend to know anything about her.

KLAUS: For god’s sake Damon, calm yourself! All I’m saying is that we are not safe, Bonnie is not safe… and, like or not, it’s something that needs to be dealt with.

ALARIC: Everyone, just relax. We will figure this out, together. We are not going to get anywhere if we fight each other.

The door opens, Matt, Khuyana, and Tyler come in…

 KLAUS: (Looking at Tyler) This just keeps getting worse by the minute…

CAROLINE: Tyler!! Oh my god!!!! (Runs to hug him).

TYLER: Care… (hugs her, then turns to Bonnie). Bonnie… I…

BONNIE: I’m so glad you are back, we missed you.

TYLER: Thank you (hugs her). You have no idea how much I….

BONNIE: I know… I’m just happy you made it back.

TYLER: (To Stefan) Stefan… (they shake hands, then looks at Damon, rolls his eyes). Damon…

DAMON: Zombie-wolf...

TYLER: (Looks at Klaus) Great… what the hell is he doing here?

KLAUS: I could ask the same question. Relax, Tyler, I’m on your side… at least for now…

MATT: Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?!

STEFAN: You know what, who cares what time it is? I need a drink. (Serves himself a drink).

KLAUS: Now that’s the Stefan I used to know… Cheers, old friends, we are in for quite a ride!

 They all sit down and talk…

Cut to- a freaky old mansion library, Darius and a strange man are talking.

 MAN: So, we are moving to plan B I presume? He will not be happy…

DARIUS: I know, but we don’t have a choice. If we want to reach our end goal, we are going to have to improvise… look on the bright side, the most groundbreaking scientific discoveries resulted from mistakes.

MAN: He doesn’t like mistakes… nor does he share your sense of humor.

DARIUS: Just let me do my job, it doesn’t matter how we get it done as long as it’s done.

MAN: What about the witch?

DARIUS: Her name is Bonnie, don’t ever generalize her.

MAN: Touchy, aren’t we? You actually care for her, how sweet. Careful, Darius, we wouldn’t want your emotions getting in the way… Anyway, he needs to be informed about this change of plan immediately, care to do the honors?

DARIUS: I will let him know.

MAN: Good luck with that.

Cut back to -Salvatore mansion living room, some hours later.

 ALARIC: So, that’s the plan, agreed? (They all nod).

CAROLINE: Bonnie and I will head to Whitmore and put Elena up to date. Oh, and I don’t care if it’s inappropriate or bad timing, but we are having our Night of the Living Dead reunion/Halloween party! So, remember your duties people, you have a week!

KLAUS: I already have my costume idea, love.

DAMON: Who said you were invited?

CAROLINE: He is Damon, so be nice; he’s trying to help us.

KLAUS: Well, I must be on my way now, Danae and I will be staying at my families’ mansion for the time being. Trust that I will keep my end of the deal as long as you keep yours.

ALARIC: We will. (Klaus leaves).

MATT: We’ll be heading out too; keep us posted. (As they are walking out) Ty, can you take Khuyana home? I have to make a quick stop then I’ll meet up with you back at the house.

TYLER: Sure, no problem.

 Klaus, Matt, Khuyana, and Tyler leave.

 ALARIC: (To Caroline and Bonnie) Are sure you don’t want one of us to go with you?

CAROLINE: No, we’ll be fine; it’s a girls’ trip.

DAMON: Stefan and I will keep an eye on our prisoner and catch up on some bro time.

ALARIC: I’ll be in my office doing more research, let me know if you need anything.

BONNIE: Ready Care?

CAROLINE: Just let me grab some stuff and we’ll head out.

Cut to – Whitmore College, Elena’s dorm. Elena and Sam are talking in bed.

 SAM: So, what do you say? This is a one in a lifetime opportunity...

ELENA: I know… but it’s such a huge change, and a scary one if I’m being honest.

SAM: Change is always scary but it’s necessary. Elena, you have never lived more than 3 hours away from your home town, there is so much more to see in this world. And, beyond exploring a whole new life, if you really are serious about perusing a medical career, there is no way you can pass on something like this.

ELENA: Germany, ha? Well, I do like beer… but what about Jeremy? I just can’t leave him…

SAM: Jeremy is all grown-up and has his own life… he doesn’t need a baby sitter anymore.

ELENA: That’s true…

SAM: So, that’s a yes?

ELENA: Well… (with awful pronunciation) Ja, Ja! Prost!

SAM: Trust me, you won’t regret it. We’ll work on your language skills later… 

ELENA: (Elena’s cell rings, it’s Bonnie) Bonnie!! Hey, I’m so glad you called!! Sorry I had to leave so soon… how are you?

BONNIE: I’m fine, but I would be better if you opened your door…

ELENA: Wait, what? (To Sam, blocking the speaker on her phone) Oh my god, quick, get up, put some clothes on! (She rushes up and puts on the first thing she can find).

SAM: I’m guessing you haven’t told her?

ELENA: No, not yet, it’s been crazy, haven’t found the right timing...Just please, act it out for now... (kisses him, tries to compose herself, then opens the door, Care and Bonnie are on the other side).

CARE & BONNIE: Surprise!!!

ELENA: (Nervous and excited at the same time) Oh my god!!!! (They hug) What...what are you doing here?! Not that I’m not happy, I just wasn’t expecting...

CAROLINE: (Smirking and glancing at Sam) I can see that... and this is?

ELENA: Oh yes, guys... this is Sam, the friend I told you about. We were just studying...

BONNIE: (Mocking) Human Anatomy?

ELENA: (Nervous laugh) No, no... Ahm Sam, this is Bonnie and Caroline...

SAM: It’s great to finally meet you! Elena talks about you all the time.

CAROLINE: It’s great to meet you too. Elena talks about you all the time too, except she forgot to mention how hot you are! (Gives Elena a wink).

ELENA: (Embarrassed) Care…

BONNIE: So, you are the famous Sam? Elena says you are a medical genius…

SAM: Nah, I’m just a book geek is all.

ELENA: Don’t be stubborn, he is most definitely a genius.

SAM: Listen, ladies, I’d love to stay but I have rounds at the Hospital. Want to meet up later for drinks?

ELENA: Sure, I’ll text you. 

SAM: Done, see you later (Sam goes in for a kiss on the lips then remembers, plants an awkward cheek kiss instead and leaves).

ELENA: So, to what do I owe this pleasure?

CAROLINE: Oh, don’t you dare try to deviate from the fact... care to fill us in?

ELENA: It’s not what it seems we are just friends...

BONNIE: Sure, “just” friends...

ELENA: We are, I swear! But really, why are you guys here? Is everything O.K?

CAROLINE: Oh, Elena, you are in for quite a ride… let’s hit the bar!

ELENA: I have a class… but what the hell! It’s not every day I get a surprise visit from my besties. Let me grab my jacket.

CAROLINE: You should probably put on a bra too... this is not the sixties. (Bonnie giver her an elbow jab) Just saying...

Cut to – the Salvatore mansion. Damon and Stefan still in the living room, having a drink.

 STEFAN: Really? You’re just going to keep avoiding the conversation?

DAMON: What conversation Stefan? Are you drunk already? You really need to work on your tolerance.

STEFAN: Fine… Dodge the bullet, again. I’ll get it out of you, eventually… (Damon hears noises coming from upstairs).

DAMON: I think we need to go check on our roomie, escape attempt number six seems to be taking place.

STEFAN: We have to give her some credit, she is persistent…

DAMON: That she is… (they run upstairs to check on Katherine).

 Cut to- Alaric researching in his study, Radka comes in, kissed him)

 RADKA: So, how is everything going? Found anything else?

ALARIC: Not yet, I’m having a hard time cracking this one (shows her an old book) … any insights?

RADKA: It seems to be written in some sort of code… looks very similar to a scripture I researched a while back from an ancient cult called The Liberatus…

ALARIC: I’ve read about them… they make The Illuminati seem sane. Do you think this could be related? That’s insane, right?

RADKA: First rule in research is never to eliminate a theory, no matter how crazy it may seem, until you have the facts to prove otherwise.

ALARIC: Have I told you how much I love you?

RADKA: Not today… (he pulls in her face for a kiss). Listen, everything is ready for the student’s memorial tomorrow, I know there is a lot going on, but this is important too.

ALARIC: I know, don’t worry, I’ll make sure everyone attends.

RADKA: Good. I have to go back to my classes now, love you (gives him a kiss, then leaves).

Cut to – Whitmore College bar.

 ELENA: Bottoms up! (Takes a shot).

BONNIE: I know this is hard to digest but…

ELENA: Stefan… (takes another shot) … Tyler… (another shot) … Lexie…  (one more) … Katherine… (two at the same time) …

CAROLINE: O.k, just slow it down a bit…

ELENA: I mean, I’m happy they are back, except for that bitch double of mine... how many lives does she have?!... But I am happy… I just can’t deal with these types of things anymore! Is this really going to be the rest of my life? Supernatural craziness? People dying and coming back, spells, fangs, immortals, psychics, and witchy-woo... I’m human now, finally have some normal in my life... these things… (takes another shot)  I just can’t… (burps) Oops, I need to pee… (stumbles out of her chair).

BONNIE: I’ll come with…

ELENA: Bon-Bon in the house! I love you, you know that, right? (Grabs her by her jaw and kisses her on the cheek).

BONNIE: And I love you too, come (takes her by the arm). When we come back we’ll order you some food and coffee.

ELENA: Nop, I’m good… only thing I need is more shots after I get these ones out of my system… and a new life…

BONNIE: Elena, look at me, are you O.k? What’s going on?

ELENA: I’m fine…I’m fine, fine, fine… I just want out… need out… quick, run, I’m about to pee myself!

 After a while, Caroline meets up with Bonnie in the bathroom to check up on them.

 CAROLINE: Is she O.K?

BONNIE: She’s fine…

CAROLINE: What’s going on with her?

BONNIE: I think she’s done with the mayhem… just wants a normal life, I guess… can you blame her?

CAROLINE: Elena is anything but normal, why would she want out?

BONNIE: Maybe she needs some stability, Care. No vampires, witches, werewolves, zombies, you know? A simple kind of life… I’d give anything to be able to have that...

CAROLINE: Bonnie, come on, look at me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love our life. I know it’s insane, but it’s us…

BONNIE: Yeah, I admit it…despite it all, I actually kind of love it. But Elena, although bat-shit crazy, just wants some normal in her life, and as her best friends, we need to help her find it.

CAROLINE: Fine! I hate that you are always right! But how do we help her?

BONNIE: By leaving her out of all of this… no more supernatural drama. We abort mission and don’t tell her about the plan. (Caroline nods in agreement, Elena comes out of the bathroom).

ELENA: Ok, much better now! Ready for another round!

 Cut to - The Salvatore mansion, Damon and Stefan in Katherine’s room.

 KATHERINE: When are you going to let me go? I mean, really, how long has it been? It’s flattering and all, but your obsession with me borders on pathological.

STEFAN: Oh please Katherine… did death make you more delusional?

KATHERINE: Then why are you still keeping me here? I told you all I wanted was a good night’s sleep, then I would be on my way with no hard feelings, I swear.

DAMON: We know better than to trust you, Kitty Kat…

KATHERINE: Come on, we all made our fair share of horrible things… how come you get a second chance, but I don’t?

STEFAN: Neither of us tried to burn an entire town with hellfire…

KATHERINE: True… but you did murder an entire town, and much more savagely, may I add, so... And you (referring to Damon), besides the countless bodies, murdered a pregnant woman… how is that any better than what I ever did…

STEFAN: (To Damon) Hate to admit it but she has point.

KATHERINE: All I’m asking you is to either let me go or give me a second chance…

STEFAN: More like a billionth chance but I’ll bite; if you really have changed or at least want to, then stay and help us… no foul play…

DAMON: Um Stefan, what are you doing? Have you gone A-wall? You do know who this person is, right?

STEFAN: I do, but you know better than anyone that redemption is possible if people believe in you… So, I say we risk it and give her shot.

KATHERINE: See why he’s the good one, Damon? Fine, I’ll stay and help, no sneaky plan, I swear. But, promise you won’t keep me under lock and key… it’s no way to live.

STEFAN: You have a deal (they shake hands).

DAMON: Stefan! Really, we are making deals with she-devils, now?

STEFAN: We are taking a leap of faith, Damon. You’d be surprised how enriching that can be…

DAMON: Caroline is going to kill you…

STEFAN: I’m sure she’ll understand.

DAMON: Oh trust me, she won’t.

STEFAN: Then that will be my problem to deal with.

DAMON: O.k, I’ll entertain this bit of mad, but how exactly is she going to help us?

STEFAN: You’ll know it when the times comes…

KATHERINE: Well, now that we are friends...

STEFAN: Oh, we are definitely not friends.

KATHERINE: O.k, allies, or whatever you want to call it... but can I please get some food? I’m starving!

STEFAN: Sure, come on, let’s see what’s in the fridge.

DAMON: Stefan! (As they are walking out Katherine turns around gives him a wink).

Cut to -Whitmore college bar. 

 ELENA: Stefan…  what a great guy! Care, promise you will never let him go… N-E-V-E… Oh my god! And that birthmark!! (Hits Caroline with her elbow, wiggles her eyebrows) am I right?

(Caroline and Bonnie look at each other, Elena is getting awkward, bordering on inappropriate)

CAROLINE: Okay then… here, have some water.

ELENA: Don’t want water… (to the waiter) more shots, please! And keep them coming!

BONNIE: Come on Elena, you are gonna get sick and regret these decisions in the morning…

ELENA: Bonnie… the almighty witch!

BONNIE: Hey, watch it! You might be drunk but that won’t stop me from smacking you down.

ELENA: I’m sorry, I’m being an ass…

BONNIE: You are. What’s wrong with you? We thought you would be happy to know some old friends are back…

ELENA: I am! So happy! Just having an existenial (meaning existential) crisis… I’m really sorry you guys, I don’t know what’s gotten into me…

BONNIE: You can tell us anything, Elena, what’s going on?

ELENA: I have the best reasons to stay… but I think I should go… and I’m terrified because I’m a wuss, a small-town girl who thinks she’s all that because she moved 3 hours away from home to go to “medical school” … God, I’m pathetic!

CAROLINE: You are not pathetic and there is nothing wrong with being a small-town girl…

ELENA: (Starts singing) Small-town girl, she’s been living in her small-town world…

CAROLINE: That’s not how the song goes, but anyway… Elena, talk to us…

ELENA: I’m moving to Munich... Prost! (Takes another shot)

CAROLINE: Elena... come on, we are being serious.

ELENA: You see? Not even my best friends believe I’m capable of living anywhere outside my comfort zone.

BONNIE: O.k, I’m gonna be harsh but it’s only because I love you. Stop with the whining, self-loathing and flat out teenage outbreak. Sober up, figure out what you want and go for it. If you want to move to Munich, or where ever, do it, no hesitations, no regrets. And if you are with Sam and don’t want to tell us cause you think we will judge you... I really am gonna slap you!

ELENA: Thank you! That’s why I love you! You don’t take anyone’s crap, always call them out on their shit! That’s why Damon loves you too... so much! He L-O-V-E-S you... you know that, right? (Whispering to herself) It’s so freaking obvious... God forbid anyone messes with his precious Bonnie...

CAROLINE: (Trying to deviate from a very uncomfortable situation) O.k, definitely time to leave. 

ELENA: But Sam’s meeting up with us here…

CAROLINE: Just text him that we’ll raincheck, o.k? Actually (takes her phone) let me do it, we don’t want you drunk texting something you will regret in the morning... you’ve done your fair share of babbling for one tonight. 

ELENA: O.k, but only cause I love you guys, otherwise I’d be all up on that! (They grab Elena and take her back to her dorm).

 Cut to – freaky old mansion library. Darius is sitting on a couch having a gin and reading what seems to be a really old book, the door opens… Matt enters.

 DARIUS: Sheriff Donovan, I’ve been expecting you… 

To be continued...

TVD 9x04 coming soon!!! Hope you stop by, read and enjoy! =)

[mittensmorgul]

Hi Mittens! Based on what you've heard/read so far - with Dabb's comments and how Jensen has reacted - saying he had to be "talked into" liking the ending...what do you think - and I know it's a guess....what do you think will happen to each character? can you respond a bout: Sam, Dean, Cas, Jack, Rowena, God, and Lucifer? And we know Adam and Eileen are back, what about them? Will Lisa/Ben return? What ending do YOU expect?

Hi there! I’ll start this off by reminding everyone that while I do occasionally speculate on the Big Themes and the big picture direction of the story, this sort of specific speculation is something I normally… hate… :P

Since you’re not asking about Big Themes here, but specifically character stuff, I’ll just give you general thoughts on how I think each character’s arc will eventually unfold, because it’s impossible to know specific character beats yet.

Sam: I think he will have a difficult time reconciling his lifetime of hope and faith in a benevolent divine creator. remember he’s the one who always prayed, who wanted to believe God was out there, and when God came back in s11 he was DELIGHTED at first… Like fanboying over Chuck. And he was the one to finally see behind the curtain in 14.20. This fundamental belief and hope that Sam’s held on to his whole life has just been shattered, and he can no longer deflect the truth he’s learned. I hope he’s able to face it head on, and finally be able to reconcile the fantasy life he’s always dreamed of with the reality he’s been forced to live because of Chuck’s meddling.

Dean: he’s always lived his life for other people, for the mission, for “saving people, hunting things.” I want him to be able to live in a world where the entire world’s fate isn’t weighing on him personally, you know? I want him to get to a point where he can let that burden go, and actually choose to live for HIMSELF for once. To even get a chance to figure out what would truly make him happy. And then for him to be free of that enough to go out and BE happy.

Cas: We knew he’s long doubted the righteousness of Heaven’s mission, and that he’s struggled with who he is and what he wants to be. He’s long since put the Winchesters first, but I think he will be continuing that journey, learning it’s not how useful he can be that makes him indispensable in their lives, but just HIM, HIMSELF that has inherent value to the Winchesters (and especially to Dean). And that he doesn’t need to sacrifice himself for his family in order to truly be part of it.

Jack: my thoughts on Jack in s15 are by necessity hazier than the rest, because as a mirror character for all the others as much as a character in his own right, on top of the fact that something game-changing is about to go down in the empty and we can’t yet guess how that will play out, I suspect a lot of his journey will mirror parts of what I’ve said above for Sam, Dean, and Cas, but where that will end, I really can’t say yet…

Rowena: AAAAHH. I love her, and I think her journey will continue along its current trajectory, working more and more closely with the Winchesters (and especially Sam), and my main hope for her is that she and Sam both find a way to redefine their supposed “fate.” Go back and watch 13.12 and 13.19, the vulnerability she’s shared with Sam, and the heartbreak when she realized Sam actually could pull the trigger on her… which he immediately regretted… Sam: You changed other people’s fates. Maybe we can change yours. And she’s been actively working toward that since then, based on the solid foundation of resting that redemption on SAM. So. :’)

God/Chuck: He’s gotta go, one way or the other, right? Can there ever truly be free will for any of them when he won’t let go of his story? Humanity must be allowed to pick up their pens and begin writing their own stories now. Don’t know how that will look in a non-metaphorical way in the show, but there’s the show’s own metaphor version of it :’D

Lucifer: He dead-dead.

And now on to the returning faces:

Eileen: I really hope the show gives her a solid story for her return, but I’m not setting myself up to assume that she will be back for more than one episode. I suppose I’m hoping at minimum that she’s done right by, after 12.21 did her so, so wrong. Her death was needlessly, pointlessly cruel not just to her character, but to real humans who watch this show– women, d/Deaf people, disabled people in general… and didn’t even really serve the supposed intended purpose of fueling Sam’s manpain. We were all so in shock from the graphic pointlessness that most of us were incapable of even watching the rest of the episode, only made worse by the simpering tone of the letter she’d apparently sent Sam before she died. So at the very least, I need the show to issue her a formal (if metaphorical) apology for that bullshit.

Adam: What I would personally like most from a return of Adam, (and I was yelling about this to someone in chat bubbles recently and I can’t remember to whom), but knowing Dabb’s personal sense of humor, and knowing the spirit in which Adam’s character was first introduced way back in 4.19 (link for what I mean here: https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/184474002825/when-daniel-loflin-and-i-came-up-with-the-idea), but especially this bit: “We leaked that we were doing an episode with another Winchester brother and let photos go out to the various websites, and then we let them all panic. “We were laughing because we knew the whole time that he was actually never really their brother. I have to admit, we take sick pleasure in making our audience anxious. We like stirring the pot when we know everything is actually well under control.” 

So to me, the absolute BEST way to bring Adam back would be definitively proving he has been in Heaven all this time, and was never in the cage at all. That, to me, is the only way to end a 10 year long con on the entire fandom, paying off Adam’s entire character in the exact spirit in which he was created. It would be fucking poetic, is what it would be. And we all know how Dabb loves his poetry.

(and for the sake of completeness, have my rewatch notes on 4.19 too)

(since I see Billie as Dabb’s self-insert character, like Kripke’s was Chuck, and Carver’s was Metatron)

and finally,

Lisa and Ben: I most sincerely doubt they’ll be back. There is zero narrative reason for them to return, but I already wrote a kinda long post about them a few days ago: https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/186471109135/gosh-bringing-lisa-back-would-be-an-awful-idea-i. I really, really really do not think the show is gonna take that route… there’s just waaaay too much skeevy baggage to unpack to bring them back to the story, and with only 20 episodes left to go, I don’t think they have time to do that in a non-skeevy way. Better not even try to unpack that whole can of worms at this point.

As to the ending I expect? I expect Sam and Dean (and hopefully alongside Rowena and Cas) to be at a point where they’re ready to go out into the world to truly seek their own destinies, unburdened by the Cosmic Story that’s prevented them from truly making their own choices for themselves all their lives. That’s it. 

[toprotectandscrve]

Gosford Park (2001) Sentence Starters - Part 2

“ For God’s sake, don’t rub him up tonight. ”

“ He’s in a filthy mood with everyone. ”

“ He’s talking about stopping your allowance. ”

“ He’s absolutely spoiling for a fight, so if you’ll take my advice, you won’t give him one. ”

“ Goodness, isn’t it pretty here? ”

“ When you’re ruined, there’s so much to do. ”

“ Would anybody care for a game of bridge after dinner? ”

“ I thought I would do a little research on country living. ”

“ Why shouldn’t I be interested in films? ”

“ I know you’re interested in money and fiddling with your guns, but I admit it, when it comes to anything else, I’m stumped. ”

“ She’ll be lucky if they don’t boot her out before the morning. ”

“ He’s still in the library, won’t be out again tonight. ”

“ Will you please join me in the drawing room as soon as possible? ”

“ Would it be awful of me to ask you to play something to cheer us all up a bit? ”

“ You’re providing a lot of entertainment for nothing. ”

“ I think he’s wonderful. ”

“ How could she let him touch her? ”

“ You say that as if you don’t like him. ”

“ If I’d wanted coffee, I’d have rung for it. ”

“ I thought you might need a drink and some company. ”

“ Well, that’s really very kind of you. ”

“ I am desperate for a fag. ”

“ Yeah, well, appearances can be deceptive, cant they? ”

“ He gave you that for your birthday, did he? ”

“ He’s always preferred you to me. ”

“ Is she, like, affected, or is she British? ”

“ Well, this is why we have rules and regulations, isn’t it? ”

“ I think perhaps you should try and get some sleep. ”

“ Oh do stop sniveling, anyone would think you were Italian. ”

“ Please tell me you haven’t come with condolences. ”

“ Unmarried girls don’t have breakfast trays. ”

“ Perhaps you have a room somewhere where we could speak. ”

“ When you think of what they have to carry about, all those jemmies and torches and skeleton keys, it’s a miracle anyone ever gets burgled at all. ”

“ It’s the greatest bore, but I don’t want to miss anything. ”

“ I better be off. I might not see you again. ”

“ I’m only staying until the police give the nod. ”

“ You’re not in any difficulty, are you? ”

“ If I were her, I’d set up in London as a glamorous widow with all the gentleman chasing me for my money. ”

“ I don’t think you get homesick if you’ve never had a home. ”

“ Do you think he’s the murderer? ”

“ The bastard’s death may have saved my bacon. ”

“ For god’s sake, be quiet! What’s the matter with you? ”

“ An Englishman is never waited upon at breakfast. ”

“ I’m afraid I won’t be much help, but I suppose on a day like this we all have to pull our weight. ”  

“ Trust him to be murdered twice. ”

“ I don’t think ruffians go about poisoning people and then stabbing the corpses. ”

“ Tough luck on anyone who’s got any secrets to hide. ”

“ Take that filthy dog out of here. ”

“ He made a few enemies in his time, that’s all. ”

“ Take my word for it, he was a hard-hearted, randy old sod. ”

“ I’m not leaving, if that’s what you think. ”

“ This is too vulgar to be believed! ”

“ We don’t want you going blind on top of everything else. ”

“ Have you spoken with the police again? ”

“ I don’t care what I tell them, if it’ll help you. ”

“ You know that, don’t you? ”

“ Last night when you said you’d surprise me, you didn’t mean anything by it, did you? ”

“ We haven’t dusted those for fingerprints yet. ”

“ They’re afraid you’ll repeat things, be indiscreet. ”

“ You look as if you’ve had rather a pasting. ”

“ Why is it, would you say, that some people seem to get whatever they want in life? ”

“ I wonder, do you believe in luck? ”

“ Do you think some men are lucky and some men just aren’t, and nothing they can do about it? ”

“ I believe in love, not just getting it, giving it. ”

“ I think as long as you can love somebody, whether or not they love you, then it’s worth it. ”

“ I understand that this is not an ideal time, but I would like to see you again. ”

“ Why should one wear a different frock every evening? ”

“ Oh, how this tune used to make me cry. ”

“ I promise you I can pay back every penny. ”

“ Your guests sleep in much more comfortable beds than your servants. ”

“ Shall I fetch you a towel? ”

“ He would talk to me because he was sick of her, but I liked it. ”

“ He used to say to me I could be anything I wanted, so long as I wanted it enough. ”

“ You’re not sorry then, even after the way things have turned out? ”

“ What did I say? Where are you going? ”

“ You’d better go back to your room, you don’t want to get caught in here. ”

“ You didn’t really dislike him, did you? At least not enough to kill him. ”

“ Can’t a man hate his own father? ”

“ Either the authorities didn’t know or they didn’t want to know. ”

“ No one could stab a corpse and not know it. ”

“ When’s the last time you stabbed a corpse? ”

“ Who really murdered him, then? ”

“ Take his trousers off, come on. ”

“ Why does everyone treat me as if I’m one of these stupid snobs? ”

“ Are you all right? You sound a bit funny. ”

“ I’m sorry if I shock you, but the plain fact is, he only got what he deserved. ”

“ This house is a poisoner’s paradise. ”

“ I had a brother who was a conscientious objector. ”

“ Not everyone’s cut out to be a soldier. ”

“ Well that was painless, wasn’t it? ”

“ Do you want a ride to London? ”

“ You Brits really don’t have a sense of humor, do you? ”

“ You don’t have to come if it’s a bore. ”

“ Have you decided what you’re going to do about this place? ”

“ What gift do you think a good servant has that separates them from the others? ”

“ I’m a good servant. I’m better than good, I’m the best. ”

“ I’m the perfect servant, I have no life. ”

“ Don’t cry, they’ll hear you. ”

“ Heavens, what a relief to be going. ”

“ Do you think if there’s a trial I might have to testify in court? ”

“ Imagine a person being hanged because of something one said in court. ”

“ What purpose could it possibly serve anyway? ”

[endof-theline]

AU Yeah August | Day Six: Blind Date

Natasha and Steve set their friends up and it couldn't have gone better... but not always for them.

On Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20139757

Tony was going to kill Natasha and Steve, the diner he was meeting his date was one of their favourites but they set up the time so he would have to go straight after work and it just so happens that Pepper gave him a full day of meetings so he was in a three piece suit and barely managed to style his hair in the car park. Then his date walks in wearing a tight, deep purple vest and tight black trousers, looking a little sweaty and his hair was a ruffled mess.

So much for first impressions, Tony thought to himself as he stood up and slid out of the booth to shake the man's hand.

"Hi, sorry I'm a little late, I had to come straight from practice and I swear I don't always look like this much of a disaster" The dirty blonde rushed out as he jogged over to Tony, offering a bandaged up hand which made the slight germaphobe squirm "Oh wait, shit, Nat told me I had to take that off!" He quickly slung his duffle bag onto one of the benches and unzipped it, unwinding the bandages rapidly before grabbing a bottle of brand new hand sanitiser and applying it to his hands before sticking his hand out for Tony who was smiling at the thoughtfulness of such a chaotic looking man and shook his hand.

"Thanks and it's fine for the lateness and everything. I had to come straight from meetings so I don't always look this-" Tony chuckled and bit his lip when he was cut off.

"Damn fine?" He blurted out before clapping a hand over his mouth with an embarrassed look on his face, a muffled "Sorry" came from him quickly after.

"I was going to say uptight, but thank you and I always look this damn fine thank you very much" Tony teased him making the blonde grin back at him with a little bit of sheepishness still hanging from him “Nat told you I’m a bit… weird then, huh?”

“She didn’t say weird, she just said you like things to be clean which I get y’know, stuff is gross and I know I look gross but I’m hoping that I can distract you is this shirt and these trousers since Nat also said to wear them” he smirked and flexed his muscles as he slid into the booth next to his bag, Tony couldn’t help but stare at the blonde as he moved.

“You certainly are distracting” Tony hummed before sliding into his side and taking a sip of the water he had already gotten, the other looked a little sadder when he noticed the glass “It’s fine, I just grabbed a water because of the meetings all day I’ve barely had time to drink”

“Oh that’s a little better, thought I kept you waiting, you weren’t here too long, right?” He asked nervously, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked up from under his lashes, Tony shook his head instantly making him sigh in relief “Oh good, that’s good. Shit, I’m Clint Barton by the way, completely forgot to introduce myself”

“Tony Stark, you’re fine I forgot too” He laughed as he handed Clint one of the menus to have a look at “So, you said you just got back from practice, what were you doing?”

“I’m a competitive archer so I was at the range all day, one of the guys there nicked my arm which is why it’s bandaged up right now,” He explained as he gently pressed against the bandage making him wince, Tony instantly reached over and grabbed Clint’s hand gently.

“Don’t hurt yourself, I believe you, are you okay?” He rushed out making Clint smile softly and hold his hand.

“I’m fine, thank you Tony. I’ve had worse from archery, and even worse outside of it” Clint laughed and a small part of Tony panicked for a moment at what Clint meant before he saw the man tap the bandage across his nose “I tripped into the door at home yesterday, my dog grabbed the back of my shirt to try and stop me from falling through it”

“Aw bless you, Steve did say you were a little accident prone” Tony cooed at him softly, Clint rubbed his thumb over his hand carefully “Apart from the germ thing, what else did Natasha tell you about me?”

“She said that you’re a genius and a mechanic, that you’ve got a cute smile, you’re funny and charming and caring” Clint listed off the top of his head before tilting his head to one side, eyes roaming over Tony with a bright smile on his face “Can’t say she was wrong so far. What did Steve say ‘bout me?”

“You’re athletic, great sense of humor, chaotic but cares in his own way, Nat was there when he was talking about you and she said that your thighs are to die for and you’re dorky” Tony laughed when Clint whined and let go of his hand to cross his arms and sulk in the chair, quickly sitting back up when the waitress came to take their order before slouching back and pouting when she left to continue his sulk making Tony laugh at him harder “Aw come on, Clint, I’m here aren’t I? Must have thought something out of that weird list was good”

“You just like me for my thighs” The blonde cried out before rummaging through his bag for a tissue when Tony started to cry with laughter.

The rest of the blind date went amazingly, they couldn’t stop flirting and laughing with each other, Tony reaching out to touch Clint more than he does with even his closest friends. Clint admitted that he was deaf and that his dog was a hearing dog called Lucky which he had to promise that Tony could meet while Tony admitted to have made robots that Clint had made him promise he could meet.

“Dog for bots, them’s the rules” Clint had teased him playfully, but Tony had agreed to it probably a little too eagerly since it meant seeing the wild blonde again.

Natasha and Steve were ready to deafen themselves or at the very least blind each other as they sat listening to Clint and Tony’s incessant flirting and teasing of each other, the couple were sitting beside each other but Tony was very nearly in Clint’s lap with how he was leant against him.

“Oh my god, would you two just ask each other out? You’re clearly head over heels for each other and it would put us out of our misery!” Natasha snapped at them after Clint had kissed Tony’s cheek when he came back, that wouldn’t have been bad on it’s own but Tony had been out the room for two minutes and Clint had kissed his cheek then and said that he would miss him.

“Oh, did we forget to tell you guys? We become, like, official a couple weeks ago” Clint chirped happily as Tony grinned brightly beside before yelping when a shoe was thrown at them, Clint managing to dodge it with ease as he jumped up to run away from Natasha throwing things at him and spitting death threats.

“Are you okay with us, Steve?” Tony asked nervously, ignoring the noise from behind them as Nat and Clint continued to try and kill each other.

“Of course Tony, I wouldn’t have set you two up if I wouldn’t be okay with it. I’m really happy for you guys, you seem like a great fit, you look a lot happier with Clint”

“Oh, I am”

“Clint! CLINTON! For fuck sake's put your hearing aids in and listen to me you asshole!” Tony screamed after him as Clint ran down the stairs, Tony was going to kill him this time. Tony was trying to have a real conversation about their apartment, about wanting to move house, and Clint just ripped his hearing aids out and bolted out the house.

It was really good that the neighbours knew them and most of them loved the couple so they didn’t mind so much when Tony chased Clint down the stairs shouting at him to come back and listen, Tony didn’t even think about where Clint was taking him as they ran out into the shared gardens.

Tony’s feet stumbled and he was suddenly thankful for Clint’s fantastic reflexes as he was caught and held up as Clint dropped to one knee and signed to him.

“Will you marry me?” Clint looked half way to crying as he asked and as soon as Tony’s brain caught up to Clint’s words, he had burst into tears and kept signing ‘Yes’ over and over again before his knees went weak and he knelt down to hold Clint, heart beating in his ears.

Lucky bounded over with the ring box in his mouth, being extremely careful as he bounced over and gave it to Clint so that the archer could slide the ring with a ruby and an amethyst in the middle of it onto his finger before putting his hearing aids back in.

“I love you” Tony sobbed into his shoulder heavily, clutching onto him as he ignored their friends stood all around them cheering and clapping for the pair “You scared me so much!”

“I love you too” Clint murmured to him before everyone burst out laughing as Natasha and Steve yelled.

“You’re welcome, you assholes!”

[girlobsessed21]

The 100 6x09 discussion - Kane’s gone... O’s back bitches! And Bellarke’s besties?

This was a fantastic episode. Filled with emotions, action, and morality. But I needed a little more from certain scenes. It’s such a shame that this show only has 13 episodes, which results in the pace being way too fast and certain things left out. And the anomaly still remains well, an anomaly.

Since I’m pressed for time today, this will be short, I can’t go into too much detail but I will do a detailed Bellarke discussion tomorrow. That said, let’s get into the recap.

Bloodreina no more

So, Octavia wakes and remembers nothing from the anomaly. Convenient. This will most certainly come back into play. Like I said before and Gabriel confirmed, that is a younger version of Octavia. They’re saving the best details for last.

The red sun toxin makes any living being want to kill themselves, and humans weren’t supposed to survive on the moon, yet they found a way - Hmmm interesting, what does this mean for the future of our beloved heroes.

Even though O knows the dangers, she takes the toxin anyway to help Gabriel and Diyoza in some way I suppose. If they find out how the anomaly works, they can save her.

It seems like she followed the red light because she needed redemption and what better way than to throw her in the fighting pit herself. Like Bloodreina said in 5x02, “The Gladiators were given a chance to fight for their freedom and so will you.” She needed to battle the monster inside in order to be freed.

That scene with Pike returning was A-MA-ZING and the callbacks to Lincoln’s death a much-needed propeller. Kudos to the writers here. Both Marie and Michael delivered a spectacular performance and conviction of her redemption. Her past is filled with horrible features and some argue she doesn’t deserve it, but if you have true remorse, atonement can be given to anyone.

It’s fitting that Pike was the angel and Bloodreina the devil in her head. The loathed Skaikru leader killed the love of her life which triggered the hate inside of her. Octavia’s ‘unnecessary’ vengeance gave birth to Skairippa. He symbolizes her verge of evil while Bloodreina was her complete descent into darkness. All she needed was a hand to pull her back into the light.

Fun fact, Einstein actually never said, “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.”

One last thing - I like Gabriel and Octavia’s relationship and I feel something blooming here.

May we meet again, Kane

First off, I cringed at the Gavin!Kane and Abby scenes. I literally could not watch. It was awful knowing that it’s Kane but not really him, it felt like Abby was cheating and it was just a big no from me. I’ve never been a Kabby fan, mostly because I’ve never liked Abby’s character but they loved each other. I’d like to hear what Kabby shippers thought of it?

What I did appreciate is that he acknowledged his scars as a part of him. No matter how much we try to deny it, our past makes us who we are, the good, the bad and the ugly. He learned from his mistakes, each one of them and tried to do better. Like Abby pointed out, he symbolized hope.

Every week I question why the nulls worship the primes, and now it makes a little more sense. Gavin’s wife believes he’s still in there - they have no idea how it works. They are blind to the fact that hosts are murdered and replaced with chips. Their society assumes the primes are reborn within the eligible bodies - that the primes are indeed gods.

Applause to Raven this episode. Sure, she wasn’t a centerpiece, but her actions saved the day. Her asking Kane about the acceptance of his new body set they’re whole plan in motion. I’m also glad that she acknowledges helping Abby as a mistake, which shows that she does question her own moral compass, unlike previous episodes.

Talk about great platonic relationships - Kane and Indra are one of my favorites. Their deep level of respect for each other is always a pleasure to witness. Indra is and always has been a strong and supportive character. She explains why the Sanctum lifestyle is not much different than their own but Kane has changed, he condemns all their previous actions and convinces her to take the right path.

I knew Kane wouldn’t be happy with his new body, yet I didn’t expect the sacrifice. And once again well-done to the writers for giving him a heroic death and a heartwrenching sendoff. Say what you want, but someone needed to get rid of the nightblood serum and he used his new body for a good cause.

And now they have Simone as a hostage and a bargaining chip!

I won’t let you die  - was not what Bellamy should’ve said

I have no idea what to make of this. And I’m gonna go into a lot of detail with Bellarke tomorrow but it needs to be said that calling them besties is disturbing. Josephine tells Bellamy that he’s killing all three of them including his friends and asks if Clarke is really worth it. He doesn’t respond, but struggles with the decision. Because even though he knows she’s trying to break him, it’s true.

One question, why do they keep using the word ‘care’? “... unless someone you care about is in trouble, then you do what has to be done.” Do best friends not love each other? I love mine, very much. Monty and Jasper loved each other and acknowledged it, why not here?

Josephine then calls him out on caring more about Clarke. This is a circus. It’s hurting both Bellamy and Echo’s characters. Echo is a spy, smart and witty, yet she hasn’t questioned his ‘dedication’ to Clarke once. I know she’s not the jealous type, but if Josie, Jordan and 90% of the viewers see it, she must surely notice it too. And her being all acceptive is not believable.

Not to mention it’s making Bellamy look like an ass for abandoning all his friends and his girlfriend (who is supposed to be his first priority) to save his ‘bestie’.

So, Josephine is still in love with Gabriel? Wow, wasn’t expecting that one. Which results in Diyoza being wrong about her just looking to get laid and ultimately about “The hostage-taker and his girlfriend.”

And Clarke Griffin has a sense of humor. B-O-O-H-O-O! Loved that little morse code line. But the “I won’t let you die” afterward, is bs. The intensity in that scene is palpable. He looks at her with so much compassion when he finds out she can hear him like there’s so much he wants to say. “I love you.” for one? I believe he realizes she might die and wants to, but decides he won’t let it happen and tells her that instead. It’s so sincere, that it scares Josephine.

Again, the term ‘besties’ is frustrating as hell. Well, they are, I guess. It just gives me the idea that the writers have decided to go the Harry-Hermione route with them. Wasting six seasons of development and immense potential in the process. But while they’re both breathing, I’ll still have hope.

Badass Clarke is the absolute freakin’ best. Taking down three people by herself, teaching herself to drive a motorcycle and speak Mandarin via Josie’s mind - Standing ovation.

Once again we see Bellarke’s bond when Clarke refuses to leave without Bellamy and he, in turn, refuses to let her stay - just let it be for heaven’s sake.

Let me know what you think. See you tomorrow!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #210

“made of flame, made of mud, i’m the many, i’m the one.”

Did your parents live in a different country before you were born? No. Do you have a preferred coffee brand? No. What’s something you’ve experienced that very few others have? Your favorite human on Planet Earth/God Himself noticing you. :') Three days I couldn't sleep. Three. Days. Do you have to wear an identification badge at your job? I don't have a job, yet. Have you ever dated someone who was terrible with money? No. If so, how did it affect the relationship? N/A How often do you paint your nails? Never. Do you know anyone who’s related to a current or former world leader? I'm related to Queen Victoria somehow. Idk about anyone else. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? No job, no taxes yet. What is something you don’t have any natural talent for? Mathematics. Has anyone ever told you that you get too competitive over minor things? No. Do you usually befriend your coworkers, or do you prefer to keep work separate from your personal life? N/A What was the very first thing you ever saved up to buy with your own money? I think Venus. Describe your favorite Christmas ornament. Man, I have a lot. We've accumulated A LOT over the years between me and all my siblings. Mom gets each of us one every year, and she's also kept all the ones we've made throughout school. She's so cute y'all. There is this REALLY damn pretty swirling crystal one with an angel on the top of it I got from my grandmother, that's definitely one of my faves, I've always loved this lil gingerbread dude I made in pre-k, and... idk man, there are truly a lot. What is something you frequently forget? To turn the laundry room light off anytime I go in there at night for Roman's litter scooper or to bring dirty clothes in there. By this point it's like a joke in the house with how much I do it for whatever reason. How do you feel about your body? I hate it. Who is someone you would like to get to know better? Connie, but I respect her privacy. I know you have to be careful online. What’s your opinion on assisted suicide? For it. At what point do you consider a relationship to be ‘long-term?’ Hm, idk, really. A year? What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up? Mom worked with special ed kids at school, she had a job at the hospital doing computer work I can't remember because I was so young, Dad's been a mailman all my life, but he also worked at Lowe's as a carpenter I think for a while. Do they still have these jobs? Or different jobs? Or have they retired? Mom's got a totally different job, and I already mentioned Dad being a mailman. Do you have any recurring dreams? Themes, yes; dreams, no. Have you ever had to call 911? Why? Yes; Mom and I thought she was having a heart attack. Terrifuckingfying morning. Do you get out a lot? I might as well be on fucking house arrest. I can stay in the house and go nowhere for over a week. Do you eat a lot of vegetables? No. Last fast food you ate? I had a Hardee's biscuit for breakfast. Do you live in Canada? No. What do you think when you see two members of your preferred sex kissing? It's sweet, and brave considering the assholes of the world. Is that hot? "For fuck’s sake… It bothers the hell out of me when people fangirl over homosexual couples. It’s so disrespectful." <<< THIS. Would you ever want to be a chef? No. Bonfires: Y/N? They're fun. What’s a food that’s famous in your hometown/state/country/etc? Southern cooking, like fried chicken, mashed potatoes, hushpuppies, pulled pork, nasty shit like that. By pure coincidence, I literally hate almost all the "traditional" Southern foods. When’s that last time you saw snow? January this year. I think it was January... What’s something that you think will become obsolete in the next 50 years? Physically driving cars, probably. Are you efficient or do you procrastinate a lot? I procrastinate all to hell. Who are the 3 people you love the most? Mom, Sara, and then... idk if I can pick #3. Last person you slept in the same bed with? Sara. When was your first kiss? March 2012. Have you recently been sick? No. What song are you listening to? "Break My Mind" by dAGAMES. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Yeah. Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? Sadly. Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds? It's worse. Weed, coke, crack, heroin, oxy, acid, x, k, peyote, mushrooms, opium…How many of these have you tried? I have no clue what like three of these even are lmao. None. How long has it been since you had sex? Like over three years. Who was the last person to call you babe? Probably Sara. Last reason you went to the ER? My sister got in a wreck. Were you a planned pregnancy for your parents? I believe so. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yeah. When was the last time you shaved your legs? It's been many months. My legs are AWFUL, but it is an absolute chore to shave or use Nair because my hair is so long and thick. So I figure if there's very little/no chance someone's going to see my legs, why even do it. I really wanna get laser hair removal on my legs when I can afford it, though. What facial cleanser do you use? A Biore charcoal scrub. If someone wanted to know what you smelt like, what should they smell? I don't know? Probably dogs, lmao? How many purses do you own? One I use, then I have... two or three old ones saved just because I really like them. What are your top five favorite stores to clothes shop? Hot Topic, Rebel's Market, Spencer's, rue21, and... idk. I guess Wal-Mart lmao. What kind of clothes do you mostly wear? Yoga/dance/sweatpants with a tank top, graphic tee, or band tee. What about shoes? Flip flops like, year-round lol. If I do wear something else for whatever reason, it'll probably be my Vans or maybe a pair of Converse. Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now? No. For that one week a month, do you hate being a woman? Nah, birth control's made cramping a far smaller problem. Last thing you bought at the mall? Wow, I have no idea. Well... maybe a book before the hurricane to read if the power went out? I haven't read it if you're wondering, aha... Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yeah. Dad's met her once, but he seemed to enjoy her just fine, and Mom adores her. What store did you last buy clothes from? Wal-Mart. Which parent are you more similar to? I have traits aligning with each of them. I think my mom, but then again, I don't see my dad nearly enough to know his personality deeply since he changed IMMENSELY after the divorce. Have you ever been to another country’s capital city? No. What are some of your favorite qualities for another person to have? Compassion, wisdom, an open mind, gentle, passionate, a good sense of humor... What smell reminds you of your childhood? Chlorine, I guess. I swam a LOT as a kid; it was my favorite activity. Are you happy with who you are? In some ways, in some ways no. Do you ever sleep with your bedroom windows open? No; we live beside a busy road, and plus I don't trust people. Have you ever had a job where you didn’t fit in with your coworkers? No. What was the last word document you typed? I made a brief outline of the message I'm sending to the client who hired me for her wedding when I send her her pictures. Thanking her and telling her what more I could do for her, stuff like that. What’s something that has upset you lately? The extreme difficulty of finding a job for myself... Do you have a home security system? No, but damn do I want one. What’s something you don’t think people take seriously enough? If you know the darker part of my photography, roadkill. People see it and either think 1.) "poor thing" or 2.) "dumb thing," and that's it. No one seems to truly consider our responsibility to watch for animals on the road; in most instances I've seen, the animal is blamed for being "stupid." No, they're fucking terrified and panicking. Anyway, I'm going on a tangent. Basically, I think we should feel far more pity for what we end, even though it's accidental. And get out of the fucking car to see if it's okay/can be saved. Have you ever gotten sick from someone else’s cooking? I believe so, but I don't really blame the cook. My stomach is just REALLY sensitive to food it's not used to, particularly fancier meals. What was the last kind of cheese you ate? American. How young is too young to be sexually active? "Personally, I think anything under 18." <<< Same. Would you ever dye your hair silver? I wanted to at some point, but particularly with my hairstyle now, idk how good it'd look. What was the last fun thing you did? Shot a wedding. Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? No. What’s your favorite kind of soup? I'm not a fan. Do you know anyone who practices Hinduism? No. How long was your longest relationship? Three and a half years. When was the last time you spoke to the first person you ever kissed? February 2017. What’s a political issue you have a strong opinion on? Gay rights. What snacks do you like to get at the movie theater? Just popcorn is fine. If I have any candy, it's from a gas station or dollar store. Movie theater prices are expensive as fuck. Have you ever stayed in a hotel in the center of a big city? No. What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? Romaine lettuce for my iguana. When you take a nap, do you nap in bed or on the couch? In bed. Do you have any friends you have never gotten into an argument with? Yeah, Connie. Girt and I have also never really had an argument, he's just said things that hurt me as his sense of humor can be a bit harsh and they were sensitive areas, but he's never meant it. Do you think you could survive living by yourself for a month? No. Can you cook anything other then toast? Yeah. How many times have you cried over the last person you cried over?  I don’t remember the last person that I cried over. Have you ever been in an on-and-off relationship? So annoying right? No. Have you ever developed a crush on someone the first day you met them? I don’t think so. Have you ever been with someone who was really clingy? Did it annoy you? For only two weeks. I like to pretend that shit never happened. Is there a store you go to so much the employees know your name? The tattoo/piercing parlor I go to know me well; some probably remember my name. Do you have any friends who never shut up about their boyfriend/girlfriend? One literally only talks to me if she wants to ramble endlessly about him. Have you ever helped someone while they were drunk puking? No. There is NO way I could be with someone while they're vomiting. The sound would make me join in, and that's almost a promise. What annoys you more to do, sneeze or cough? Cough. Would you rather have a pet snake or a pet cat? I want another snake. Do you fall for all the lines about making guys/girls like you on magazine covers? Lmao yeah right. Do you have a calendar in your room? What’s it’s theme? My door is currently open so I can't see for sure, but I have three or four outdated meerkat calendars as decoration. Have you ever gotten anything racist about you yelled at you? No. Does the last person whose house you were at like anyone? She's married, so obviously. Do you own more pink or black clothes? Just about everything is black. Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever given you a stuffed animal? Yeah. What does the last body wash you used smell like? I think it's some kind of ocean-y scent? I don't pay attention. I just know it's blue. What is the worst name anyone has ever called you? A martyr, and not the good kind. Where is your favorite place to eat out? Sonic. Does it bother you when people call you ‘ma'am’ or 'sir?’ No. That's general good manners in the South. Have you ever been obsessed with a television character? I don't think so, but maybe? What was the last thing that changed your life completely? Recovery. Do you have any step siblings? One. I don't call him my brother, though. Did you partake in senior skip days? HA I sure did. Have you ever read the Christian Bible? Not the entire thing. When the holidays come around, do you help decorate? Yeah. Has someone ever promised not to leave you? NEVER IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE BELIEVE THAT SHIT. Do you have a part-time job? No. Are you the type of person who likes to buy gifts for your friends? If I had my own money, I absolutely would. Hopefully I can when I have a job... though I don't exactly have many people to send anything to. Have you ever lived in an apartment before? I wasn't an actual resident, though I was pretty much always there. Have you ever been questioned by the police? No. Are you close to your parents? Yeah. Have you ever had to be put on medicine for a mental disorder? For most of my life. Have you ever been responsible for someone’s death? Wow, no. Do you ever spend the night with your significant other? Well, we're long distance. We do when we visit each other. Do you know a lot about serial killers? No. Have the police ever been looking for you? Ha ha yes, but only because my sister, friend, and I went walking on the beach at night, and apparently Mom didn't hear us when we told her we were going... Have you ever been in a car accident? Yes. Do you cuss more than any one else you know? Tbh probably lmao. How old is your youngest cousin? I don't know. Do you tend to talk on the phone a lot? No. Have there ever been any serial killers around your hometown? I don't believe so. When was the last time you went to a museum? When my brother and nephew were here early this month. Do you know how to shoot a gun and hit a target? No. What turns you on the most? Don't grab my boobs. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yes. Do you answer the phones at your work? N/A What’s your ring tone? The Revaleso remix of "Dear Insanity" by Asking Alexandria. The text alert sound is the chime of picking up a gem in Spyro. Do you want to fix anything with anyone? Yeah. Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night? I do literally every night. It sucks. What shows do you watch? None. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. When you were in elementary school, did you change best friends a lot? No. Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? No. Who was the last person to give you a ride somewhere? My VR counselor drove me home the other day. What’s the scariest bug you’ve ever seen? I'm sure some kind of beetle. Not a fan of beetles. What was your favorite TV show you watched as a kid? Pokemon. :') How many times a day do you tell your parents you love them? Mom, at least once when she leaves for work. Dad, I barely ever see him, so. I don't daily. Ever talk to your pets? Of course I do. I talk to them like I talk to people. Do you think it’s alright if people baby talk to babies? ... Yes???? At a certain age you need to set an example to talk correctly, as the kid is going to copy you, but as a baby, no shit it's fine? Ever take a nap in a hammock? I may have fallen asleep, maybe not. Probably not tho 'cuz I would've been afraid of bugs (the hammock was between two trees directly outside the woods in our backyard), so I've likely just dozed for a bit, if anything. Who’s the best character in Rugrats? Oh boy, I don't remember them all. I know I liked Tommy, but I mean, he was the main character, so I guess that's to be expected for a little kid, mostly seeing him. Ever get caught doing something naughty with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Who has had the biggest impact on your life? Jason. Girls: ever wear boxers? Guys: ever wear a thong? No. Do you use q-tips to clean your ears? DON'T DO THAT. I got wax adhered to both eardrums because I did that frequently; it inevitably pushed things back and dried onto them. NOT fun getting it sucked out; hurts like a bitch. Always only use them for the outside of your ears. This has been a PSA. Ever want to make out with someone, anyone, didn’t matter who? No. Ever had your feelings hurt when you knew the person was joking? That is EASY, friendo. Do you make jack-o-lanterns during Halloween? Sometimes. Have you ever swam with dolphins? No. Cats, awesome pets or Satan in disguise? I love cats. When you buy/receive new clothes, do you instantly wear them or wash first? Wash them. Do you hate using public restrooms? VERY MUCH. I will avoid using one at almost all costs. What’s the weirdest item you’ve seen for sale on Ebay? Oh my fucking god. So one night my friend Chelsea and I were up REALLY late and were loopy as fuck and this bitch started looking up weird dildos and shit and I'm not even remotely kidding, she found a huge 50 lb. butt plug. I sincerely wish I was joking. Do you check to make sure there’s TP before using the restroom? Yeah. Do you drunk dial/text? I've never been drunk. Have you ever built a massive snow fort? No. We don't get enough snow here. Are parents to blame for what their kids do on the Internet? Not entirely. Do you use acronyms to remember things? I did in school. Do you take pills like Tylenol for the littlest aches and pains? No. When was the last time you went rollerskating? WOW I don't know, but it's been a long time. Do you call people “dude” a lot? Yes. Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle? I was never into them. Horror flicks make you: laugh, scream, or squirm? Out of those, I may ever only squirm at nasty shit. If you could become a doctor, what would you specialize in? Probably ophthalmology (eye doctors). The last time I went to the eye doctor, I got way too into the science and anatomy of the eyes and such. You woulda thought I saw God when I realized I could see the veins in my eyes during that "lemme shine this light straight into your eyes" tests; I thought it was SO cool. Well, I probably realized this at previous appointments, I just didn't remember. Hm, or maybe a pathologist, that'd be cool. I'm looking through a list of doctors, yes. What’s the cutest thing a little kid has ever said to/in front of you? Probably just "I love you" and stuff like that from my niece and nephew. Ha ha aw, wait... When my brother and older nephew were here, Christian exclaimed, "She's up!", like the MOMENT I moved in bed one morning. I'm so happy to say that kid loves me. He wore me the HELL out in the course of just three days, but man, I miss the lil dude now. That occasion in particular just really sticks out to me because I do not find myself good with kids, and to just hear how excited he was that I was up meant the world to me. Apparently I was fun enough. At what age do you plan on moving out? I hope in like... two more years, maybe less. I need a stable job, a car, but I also DO NOT want to live alone, so I'd want to wait until Sara was ready to move, too. I'm beyond thankful Mom isn't rushing me in the least, she seems happy I live here actually, but I don't want to be in her hair much longer nonetheless. I have to be an adult. Did any characters from TV shows scare you as a kid? Which one(s)? King Ramses from Courage the Cowardly Dog fuck-ing TERRIFIED me. His animation was unique to what was normal in the show, so that automatically stood out as different and weird, but more than anything, I was just so scared by his voice and repetitive lines. I had nightmares of that shitlord. HA HA OH MAN I REMEMBER THIS TOO: When I visited my aunt and uncle's when I was little, my family slept on the floor in a room downstairs, and there were small trees outside the window that would sway, and the outline on the curtains would make me think of him. I remember waking Mom up one night about it, and I think she gave me something for comfort, but idr what. What’s the saddest thing you’ve heard on the news recently? In my very own fucking state, consent can no longer legally be revoked when sex begins. Fuck this place. How long does it take before you trust a person? It depends on the person. It's usually a while, though. Have you ever made a time capsule? What did you put in it? Hm... I feel like I have? Wait yeah, I did in elementary school! It was a class effort. Idr where it was buried. What would you do if your mom or dad read your diary/journal/blog? My mother would be deeply concerned that my love of Mark runs as deep as it does, meanwhile my dad would be v v v confused. They would mutually be very worried of their daughter's willingness to eradicate the fools of the population and replace them all with miniature Fischfucks. Do you know anyone with a lisp? I may? I don't exactly have a lisp, but in certain words, I pronounce "s" weakly due to my tongue piercing getting in the way, but it's very mild. If you were to break a Guinness Record, which one would you try and beat? Idk. What’s the coolest item in your room? I'm not sure, I find a lot of things in here particularly cool for various reasons. Hence why it's so heavily decorated. I guess my favorite is probably the Japanese, limited edition Silent Hill: Revelation flyer I have framed on the wall. I won it in a giveaway and I love it alskdjfklajwer. I wanna collect more SH merch, man. Are you accident-prone? Yes, due to my own lack of common sense and clumsy nature. As a kid, what was your favorite activity on the playground? I BOLTED for that swing. Are huge muscles gross or sexy? I'm not a fan of extreme muscles. Have you ever fished and caught something weird? Phew, I grew up fishing all the time with Dad. I'm certain I have. Well, I caught a catfish by the eye, but only the method's weird there, lol. I still to this day feel so bad for the fella. Is old age catching up with you? In my back and knees lmao. Can you sleep through thunderstorms? Yes. Ever spent the night in a tent? Yes. Do people confide in you? Some do. Ever been around someone who makes you feel stupid? He doesn't intend to, he's just reeeaaally fucking smart. Actually, that goes for my brother, too. I knew he was very intelligent, but holy shit, when he was here last and I actually got to hear more about him, his beliefs, and general knowledge, dude's a genius. How many college degrees do you want? Either up to Bachelor's or Master's. For my career goal of being an out-in-the-field zoologist, I need the latter. Do you like animals? SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever written anything longer than 10 pages? Yes; my high school senior project was at least one. There's other personal stories I wrote as a kid, too. Can you snap your fingers? Yes. Can you wink? My right eye, yes. I can with my left eye, but not without my face distorting pretty badly. What song explains how you feel about love? *shrugs* Does hardship make a person stronger? It depends on what they take from it. What comes to mind when you think of pregnancy? Ew please never. Have you ever attended a professional sporting event? Yeah, hockey games with Dad. What is your favorite brand of clothing? I don't have one. Which do you value more, intellect or work ethic? Work ethic. How well do you know the people you live with? Well, I live with my mom, who I've lived with my whole life, and we're very close, if that answers the question. Do you have any heroes? *blinks* Ever been to a cabin on a mountain? No, I wish. Ever lost your voice? At least once. Are you a cautious person? Yes. Meet Anxiety, baby. Do you enjoy comedy shows? Yeah. Do you chew gum? Sometimes, rarely. Do you think a lot when taking a shower? Not really. I just enjoy whatever music I have on. Are you currently charging your phone? No. Do you ever get razor rash? No. Are you a private person? It depends on the subject. If you straighten your hair, do you always use hair spray? N/A Do you curl your hair often? It's too short to be curled. What’s the earliest you’ve ever woken up for school? Idk. Probably around 5:00-5:30 if I was getting ready for a special day or something. Can you get ready in under 10 minutes? Yeah. Has anyone ever told you that you were a bad kisser? No. Do you like Frostys from Wendy’s? Hell yeah. Would you ever sleep in the same bed as your sibling? Sure, if we had no other choice. Ever taken a shower with someone? My little sister and I did all the time as kids, I'm guessing to save water. Would you consider yourself to be a creative person? Yes. Do you usually take a nap during the day? Yes, usually. Might you enjoy hanging out in the woods for day or two? HELL YEAH!!!!!! So long I have my camera and company, that'd be awesome!!! Do you suffer from frequent paranoia? Eh, not as badly as I used to. Two friends whom have been there for you the most? Sara and Girt. If you/your gf became pregnant accidentally, would you consider abortion? If it was my own fault for not using protection, I couldn't do it; then that's my own foolishness. I would regardless if my life was endangered, though. I do believe abortion is killing a living being once brain activity begins, but I believe in the right to put yourself first. If a complete stranger picked a fight with you, would you fight or flight? Flight if possible. Defend myself when necessary. Have you ever decided to set fire to something out of anger? No. Would you rather be a house pet or a wild animal? House pet, so long as my owner is a good one that truly loves me. Wild animal would be much more dangerous, and besides, I like the idea of companionship. Can you juggle more than two objects at once? lol I probably couldn't even juggle two. Can you function well on little to no sleep? Eh. I'm cranky for sure, but I can function. Well... depending. If I am REALLY tired, I won't be able to keep my eyes open. Do you find that it is difficult to maintain your mood? Even on medication, I'm still bipolar (not using that as an adjective; I'm legitimately diagnosed with it). My mood can change VERY quickly with tiny stimuli, but at a much, much milder degree. Have you ever listened to a group of chanting Monks? (if not you should) No, but it's cool! Two sports that you are horrible at? Tennis and volleyball. The latter mostly just hurts like a bitch. One thing that you would like to change about your life? My job situation. What was the last candy you ate? Sour gummy worms. Which decade was your favorite for fashion trends? Idk. I'm really not educated enough on what was trendy for each one. Do you like the current fashion trends? I pay no attention. Who is the strangest (or one of the strangest) person you’ve met? I won't give away his name as it's a pretty unique one, but there was a kid in high school who was certainly different in both good and bad ways. He was pretty unstable. Made his own religion. What are you struggling with currently? Finding a mfckn job. Do you forgive yourself for your mistakes? Most, I'd say. Have you ever been abused by a police officer? No. Name one friend who had a parent who was in jail. A cousin of mine. Has anyone tried to kill you and then played the victim? No? What is your favorite board game? I like Battleship and Scrabble. Can you remember the last time you played a board game? A few months back with Sara and Girt. Actually Scrabble, lol. List three traumatic memories you have. The only truly traumatic memory I have is the breakup. Well, I guess a nightmare I had with my dad kinda is too, seeing as it still affects my trust today? Have you ever been misdiagnosed with something by a bad doctor? Yup. How the fuck did I have ADHD, woman. If you don’t mind my asking, when was the last time you had diarrhea? Like about two weeks ago before my period started. That's starting to seem like a theme. Do you prefer sunny days or cloudy days? I like partly cloudy. Do you have a painful past? A good chunk of it. But I mean, who doesn't have some rough paths behind them. What was the best time of your life? Walking through Chicago with Sara and her dad one night was INCREDIBLE. Coming from the middle of nowhere into such a colossal city with all these lights and such was such a shock to me, and exploring it with them was super cool. It was cold as fuck, but still, it was fun. When was the last time you were hugged? Idk. Well, probably last time I was at Ashley's saying bye to everyone. Do you trust your doctor? Yes. Name something God has healed you of. HAHAHAHA. If applicable, how old were you when you got "saved?" I was raised into religion, so I don't know. I grew up "saved." Have you been baptized, and if so, where? Yes, at my childhood church.

[gallifreyanlibertea]

I Took My Hater Out On A Date (5/7)

(1/7)  (2/7)  (3/7)  (4/7)  (6/7)

Alfred was bullied as a kid.

It was just the usual, of course. They’d called him “braceface”, made fun of the bowl cut his mom insisted made him look adorable, the glasses too big for his face, but it was nothing he ever talked about it because, well, it was nothing. They were children. 

He’d grown older, and even before his shoulders broadened, before he joined the football team, everyone was okay with him. Just like that, they’d grown out of it. Nobody gave a damn about braces or glasses in middle school. So Alfred had been bullied, yes, but it was never anything serious.

What it had been was a sort of revelation. It had given him insight into the minds of ex-attackers. The kids who’d made the rude comments when they were younger were always the ones that were nervous around him in class. They laughed at his jokes, they made good company, yes, but they were always so shifty. Alfred chalked it up to the fact that it meant they were guilty.

Applying a similar analysis to Arthur Kirkland, Alfred concluded that Arthur was the same. He was guilty. 

It was either that or he had a very, very strong emotion of some different nature. That was as far as Alfred could tell.

“So, final thoughts?” Alfred asked, cautiously, seeing as Arthur looked just about ready to puke any moment now. “Still hate me?”

Arthur blinked. He took a controlled breath, parted his lips as if to say something, then furrowed his brows and shut his mouth. He didn’t speak.

It was weird considering his behavior on their actual date.

To sum it up, Arthur was everything Alfred had imagined he would be. Imagined in the sense that, well, Alfred had thought about how they would meet almost every second of free time he had. He’d thought about how he would prove his worth, how he would dial up the charm, how Arthur would laugh at all of Alfred’s jokes- after all, Alfred had practiced them.

To better phrase it, he’d scripted a few. Some movie puns for when they were at the theatre, a few quirky anecdotes he’d stored in his head for use during small talk- Hell, he’d even had the perfect introduction planned! He’d put at least ten times more care into the tentative script for their meeting, praying to god it wouldn’t deviate from his expectations, than he did for any of his most popular videos. “Wow,” He had planned to say. “Your camera really doesn’t do you justice.” And he’d wink.

It was for their audience, of course. They’d go crazy for it. And in the scenario he’d crafted in his head, Arthur would blush in response and stutter out some sort of insult.

Alfred’s scenario had in no way included Arthur being so late to their meeting that Alfred had completely forgotten what he’d meant to say.

Alfred’s scenario had, however, included Arthur’s tight shirt, so he was somewhat pleased by that, at least. They had ‘beef’, sure, but Arthur was hot regardless. Alfred had his fantasies.

Arthur wasn’t doing too hot right now, though. Alfred caught Matthew’s curious gaze in the front mirror and gave him a slight shrug when Matthew raised his brows inquisitively- Is he okay?- when Arthur wasn’t looking.

Which was now, seeing as he was staring out the window, as if Alfred had never asked him a question. His expression told Alfred he hadn’t forgotten, just that he was possibly hoping to god that Alfred had.

Alfred cleared his throat. “Arthur?”

Arthur winced, just slightly. Alfred wondered if Arthur hoped he would drop the subject.

Any other day, of course, Alfred would’ve backed off. Especially seeing as Arthur looked ready to throw the car door open and make a run for it, that’s what Alfred should’ve done. Arthur’s brows couldn’t possibly be more knotted together. It was the right thing to do. The guy was suffering.

That should’ve mattered to him, but somehow, it didn’t, because Alfred needed Arthur’s response. He assumed then that it was because he’d waited so long for it.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m… I just-” Arthur blinked. He blinked again. “Er- sorry, what was the question again?”

A quick glance out the window told Alfred they were near Arthur’s hotel. He clenched his jaw, just a bit. “I was just gonna wrap the video up. Final thoughts? Did this date change your opinion of me at all?”

Arthur blinked again and he was doing that a frightening amount of times now. Maybe there was an eyelash stuck in there- “Well… um, if I were a man witnessing our entire date in the third person, I would most definitely detest you. God, you’ve got awful manners. And you’re still annoying. Very much so.”

Alfred paused at that, smile faltering. What?

That was it?

He shouldn’t have been angry, but he was. Not that he’d spent all that money trying to please Arthur Kirkland, not that Arthur was stubbornly holding to his initial impressions, because Alfred didn’t care about any of that, no.

What he did care about was the fact that he thought Arthur actually liked him.

Alright, so not love at first sight. Not love at first date. Alfred could practically hear the subscribers whining, but all of that was irrelevant. Alfred didn’t expect Arthur to just drop down on his knee and propose, nor was Alfred expecting a sudden change of character, a swoon, a- oh, this whole time, I’d been so, so wrong about you! I really do want to slide into your DMs! 

A friendship? It would be appreciated. Mutual respect? It would be much appreciated! The same exact answer after an entire date, one in which Arthur was enjoying himself, smiling, opening up- not so much. Alfred was mad, to say the least, because if Arthur had really hated him through all that, Alfred would be satisfied with that answer, but he hadn’t.

Alfred was downright devastated until Arthur’s lips spread in a small, smug smirk and Alfred released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “Ha, ha. Come on, man, this is the part of the video where I’m supposed to be playing heartfelt piano music.”

Now that Alfred really paid attention, Arthur’s expression seemed off. It seemed a bit… forced. As if for the camera.

Arthur proved Alfred’s hypothesis when his shifty eyes darted between meeting Alfred’s gaze and making hard eye contact with the camera lens.“It’s how I feel, Alfred. Can’t change it for the sake of giving your video an emotional tone.”

“So you still hate me?” Alfred said, and he laughed, but he definitely did not feel like laughing. “After this entire date? You better reimburse me then!”

“For what? I hardly ate anything compared to you.” Arthur retorted, eyebrow cocked. He seemed relaxed now, shoulders less taut. He was in his element.

Unfortunately, that meant he was still joking. Alfred needed a bit more than light-hearted banter. “Really, though… is that still how you feel?”

Arthur’s smile fell. He glanced out the window. He glanced at the camera. He looked back at Alfred.

“I… I suppose I-” Despite somewhat understanding that his intent gaze likely stressed Arthur into not being able to speak, Alfred was staring at him now. He hadn’t noticed until Arthur averted his eyes. So Alfred averted his as well. “Off the record... you want me to be honest right now and it’s not really the type of video I make.”

Alfred’s brows pinched together, “You’re- but you’re always honest in your videos. That’s kind of your thing, isn’t it?”

“I’m genuine, sure,” Arthur muttered. “But I hardly ever make videos about… my feelings and whatnot. I’m not quite sure what to say.”

“Say… the truth?” Alfred said. Unhelpfully. He watched Arthur, unsure of what else to say.

“Thanks for the advice,” Arthur said dryly. His inhale was deep. He then sighed, “I… look, I don’t do this often and… I just… “

Matthew pulled into Arthur’s hotel and Arthur practically shrunk into his seat in relief. Alfred wanted to smile at that. He wanted to wish Arthur a goodnight and he wanted Arthur back under the soft sheets of his hotel room. Maybe Arthur would curl up with a book, watch some television to calm his obviously jumpy nerves. Alfred wanted him to rest.

So that’s why he was surprised when he found himself blurting- “Don’t feel pressured to reply right now, you can think about it for a while if you need to. We’ll park.”

Arthur furrowed his brows. “We can’t just… um, do it tomorrow? We can-”

Alfred smiled. Tightly. “We can just get it over with now. I wouldn’t want to take up your time!”

“You wouldn’t be-”

“Besides, the faster we get the footage, the faster I can edit and put the videos out!” Alfred said in reassurance.

Arthur’s expression faltered. Alfred could’ve sworn he saw a tinge of annoyance.

That should’ve been his first cue to let it go. Arthur would’ve been better off with rest. Perhaps he would have time to think about his answer. He could plan what to say. It would be smoother then. Better for the video.

Well... Alfred supposed he could just use what he had now. He could’ve full well, and easily at that, just changed the concept, tweaked it a little. It could’ve been a funny video, and in that case, what Arthur had said in good humor would be enough. Alfred would get his video, Arthur would get his rest, and it would be a win-win situation without the unnecessary pressure.

Despite the new video idea being just as good, Alfred found that he was hesitant. It wasn’t as appealing as, say, having Arthur come out and tell him he liked him.

That led Alfred to conclude that he could give a damn about the video. He wanted something else entirely.

Here he was, Arthur Kirkland, the man Alfred had spent countless hours of his own time crafting a perfect, casual date for. He’d mapped out what to do- he’d spent nights on end sleepless, just thinking about possible responses to possible things Arthur could say in their time together. He’d never been good at thinking things through before a decision, yes, but like hell was he ever going to be unprepared for Arthur Kirkland. Not this time.

He supposed that in all his preparation, he hadn’t thought about the fact that Arthur might be hesitant in any way. It was Arthur Kirkland, he always had a way with his words. And well, he claimed to be unscripted, so what was the problem now?

Arthur looked like a mouse caught in a trap and Alfred had no idea why. Frankly, at the moment, he hadn’t even cared why. Because there he was, Arthur Kirkland, about to tell him he liked him, or not, or whatever, Alfred didn’t know but he cared. He wanted to know. His blood bubbled inside him, his stomach churned, this was Arthur Kirkland and this was now and Alfred wasn't sure he’d survive a minute longer without his validation.

Validation.

Ah. So that was it.

The word emerged like an absolute truth in Alfred’s mind. It grew less hazy as the seconds passed. Validation.

Alfred wanted validation.

Yes, that’s what he wanted. It was clear as day now, and to Alfred’s horror, that didn’t stop him, not one bit, and it should’ve. It didn’t deter him in the slightest that Arthur was at a loss for words, that he needed rest, because Alfred wanted them. He wanted those words. He wanted Arthur’s opinion of him, and he wanted it right then and there.

To hell with the video.

Alfred smiled expectantly and Arthur sighed, expression contorted into something of mild distress. “Alfred… If I knew what I wanted to say, I’d have said it by now. I just....”

Alfred suppressed a frustrated sigh. “Is there anything I can do to make it easier?”

“Yeah.” Arthur ran a hand through his hair. “Can I just- I’d like to think about it for a while. I’m free tomorrow-”

“But that wouldn’t be genuine!” And Alfred heard his words after he’d said them.

He felt the scene in the third person. He felt like an entity, mind hovering above body. A body that, due to the lack of moral conscience within it, was spurting out complete and utter nonsense, excuses, garbage, and Alfred had no way to clamp his hands over its stupid mouth.

Matthew’s concern was palpable. “Alfred… Just give him a break, we can get him tomorrow.”

Arthur was no longer meek. His voice took on a steely tone, one of a person agitated by an accusation. “Why wouldn’t I be genuine tomorrow?”

“No, it’s just that-” Alfred laughed out the heat building up in his lungs. He was an idiot- he was- he-!

He had no idea what he was doing.

No matter how prepared, no matter how scripted, something about him always ruined it all. This time, it was a strange thing inside him. An impulse never before named nor recognized. He felt faint. “I mean… what you say today is more ‘in the moment’, you know? Tomorrow, it’d be different, you could just-”

“Lie?” Arthur said.

Alfred didn’t reply.

“I don’t know why you’re so adamant right now, Alfred, it’s honestly-” Arthur mumbled. He crossed his arms. “I could lie right now if I wanted to. It’s not even an issue of time!”

He then paused, as if a gear clicked in his head. 

He looked up from his previous gaze into his lap, eyebrow raised. “You know what? Let me just lie right now. Thank you so much for today, Alfred! Everything I ever said about you was wrong! Just like your millions upon millions of subscribers, I blindly love and support you!”

He smiled a saccharine smile. It scared Alfred just a bit. “Wh- Arthur, what are you-?”

“That is what you wanted to hear from me, wasn’t it? That is what you wanted me to say on your camera, so you can post it and tell the world that I, Arthur Kirkland, like any other person that criticizes something you do, is wrong about you.”

Alfred blinked incredulously. When he didn’t reply, Arthur scoffed, “I’m right, aren’t I? Well, there’s your footage. Have a good night.”

And Arthur threw open the car door, sliding out of his seat to stomp out of the parking lot.

Alfred didn’t take the time to register what Arthur had said, to return Matthew’s shocked stare. He didn’t have the time, no, not when Arthur was leaving, and he certainly seemed upset. He was upset with Alfred.

Alfred didn’t take the time to register how wrong it was, that he was only concerned with the fact that he didn’t want Arthur Kirkland to be upset with him, and that was all. Not why he’d hurt him, not what Arthur had said, no. Just that Arthur Kirkland could not be mad at him.

“Arthur, wait-!”

Alfred abandoned his camera, scrambling to catch Arthur by the shoulder and Arthur stopped. He didn’t turn to face Alfred. He simply crossed his arms.

“Arthur… I’m sorry.”

Arthur sighed. He turned around, expression softening just a bit, but judging by his smoldering eyes, it was just to be polite. “Sorry for what?”

Alfred chewed his lip. “I… I’m sorry you felt that way,”

Arthur chuckled. He shook his head, “How sincere.”

“You’re wrong-”

“Right,” Arthur said. “You like it when I’m wrong, don’t you?”

“N- what? No! Listen-” Alfred sighed, hands curling into his pockets. He eyed the ground. “- I just… I wanted you to like me, is all. Even just a little.”

“That’s what you tell yourself,” Arthur said, pointedly. “To make it seem like what you’re doing is all innocent.”

The anger was back. He furrowed his brows, taking a menacing step forward before he was even aware what that meant, what sort of impression that action would give Arthur, who took to stepping backward in alarm. “Yeah? And what exactly makes you think you’re right about my evil motives?”

Arthur smiled ruefully at that. “It’s simple. I'm your ‘hater’. That’s the name you’ve given me in your titles, isn’t it? I’m a representation of your critics. You’ve conducted a redemption arc for yourself, for the sake of your channel, for views, for subscribers, and that’s fine. It’s business, I expected it. But none of this is genuine, it never has been. You don’t care that I like you. You care that everyone knows I’m wrong, that people like me, that criticize you, are wrong, so it doesn’t really matter if I take the time to craft a thought out response, does it?”

Arthur was eloquent after all. Just when it came to telling Alfred what was wrong with him. 

He turned to leave and Alfred debated just letting him go. All he’d wanted was some validation! Was that so wrong? All he’d wanted was a childish affirmation that he mattered to Arthur, just a little, because Alfred wasn’t used to people not liking him for any real reasons. 

Alfred didn’t have a bowl cut this time. He didn’t wear braces. In fact, he was perfect, he was beautiful now, wasn’t he? Successful? But Arthur had found fault in him. All Alfred had wanted was for him to see Alfred differently. 

He contemplated just letting it go, just watching him leave, then going back to his hotel room and deleting every second of film, just to prove Arthur wrong. 

... to prove Arthur wrong.

That sounded an awful lot like what Arthur claimed was his evil motive, didn’t it?

Arthur paused. He turned again. “I hope you will forgive my outburst. I didn’t know how to put it without getting a tiny bit angry. I don’t intend to leave here just to continue hating you, and I’m not mad at you. So don’t give me that face.”

Arthur smiled plainly at that. Alfred’s shoulders relaxed. He attempted a small smile of his own. “It’s hard not to make this face after your whole accusatory speech.”

“I’m right, though, aren’t I?” Arthur said. “Listen, I never hated you, okay? I don’t hate you now either. I’d never even thought I’d want to go out of my way to criticize you. It just came to be. We were sucked into it, given roles in a big game. A performance for subscribers. That’s all it was. And careers like ours have a tendency to control our motives, to warp how you think, how you react, so you get sucked into it like some woodchipper and shredded back out. I thought I was above it, though. I suppose I’m not mad at you as much as I’m just mad at myself for… not having seen it sooner.”

Alfred thought he understood what Arthur meant.

He hadn’t, of course. Not entirely. Not until he was back in his hotel room, after he’d stepped out of a long, mindless shower to find text messages on his phone-

I understand I made a commitment to collaborate with you. If you want to film again, I’ll be free tomorrow morning at 10AM, same place. If not, I’m sorry for wasting your time and I’d prefer it if we didn’t keep in contact after this. I hope you understand. Alfred dried his palms and attempted to text back. 

He didn’t know how to reply.

He put his phone away with a frustrated sigh and curled into bed to review the footage.

- Alfred hadn’t understood until he’d started, until his eyes squinted to the screen to see Arthur’s small smile at something Alfred had said as they got into the car. It could’ve been polite. Alfred could’ve just been funny. That moment hadn’t been very clear.

It wasn’t until Arthur’s smile slipped away at the sight of a camera, until his face had fallen, just a little, to see Matthew in the backseat, that Alfred threw his head back to hit the wall behind him with a groan.

“I’m an idiot.”

Alfred wasn’t so perfect after all, it seemed.

[snkpolls]

SnK S3E12  Poll Results (Manga Reader Version)

The poll closed with 487 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that this is the results of the manga reader poll. Anime only watchers are suggested not to read if you do not wish to be spoiled about certain events! Anime only viewers, click here to view your poll results!

RATE THE EPISODE 481 Responses

The final episode of the first half of S3 was another banger with positive reactions. Compared to earlier in the season when manga readers seemed more dissatisfied with the adaptation, we are happy to see that the final episodes of the arc turned out to be a much more positive experience!

Considering this episode was essentially just the calm before the storm, I was pleasantly entertained by it. Not the best episode because not a whole lot happened, but still it did what it needed to do.

I was super worried they would change something in this episode but thank Ymir-sama it's okay.

IT WAS AWESOME AND THAT ENDING IS ONE OF THE BEST THING THIS ANIME HAS EVER MADE!

This episode was so good! And funny! And angsty at the end! All the ingredients that make a good AOT episode

Very good, the preview was spooky and the whole episode had humor to lighten the mood, some emotional stuff and High Anxiety Cliffhangers to finish us off. Its gonna be a long 6 months.

HOW WOULD YOU RATE THE FIRST HALF OF SEASON 3 AS A WHOLE? 481 Responses

Overall, the first half of season three was satisfying for manga reading poll takers despite the changes.

All in all, absolutely stunning season. From the bottom of my heart, thank you WIT.

It was a really good episode. It followed manga perfectly. Every ep. of Uprising should has been like that. Too bad it wasn't, that why I rated the whole series pretty lowly. Honestly, I expected something better. But that was fine, not the worst. Yet, I would have changed a lot.

Really good way to end this half of the season. Can't wait to see the next half. It was nice to see a "calm before the storm" episode.

It was a brilliant idea to end the first part of season 3 right there, by doing this we were given proper construction to this arc.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SEASON TAKING A BREAK UNTIL APRIL? 481 Responses

About 37% of respondents are sad to see the anime take a break, but nearly half of voters are fine with the break stating that it’s not too bad of a wait, with some who are even looking forward to the breather for a bit (we’re looking forward to having a good rest as well although we will miss the anime!).

I'm okay with it since it means that we will a get a really well made RtS arc. But they really should've said that the break was going to be this long earlier. Or just called it season 4

Waiting is something we SnK fandom know how to do, unfortunately

As a manga reader it's easy to not be too upset since we'll have plenty of chapters during that time.

It's nice to get a breather before shit hits the fan.

I don’t mind waiting 6 months when I know it means the animation will look a lot nicer as a result

I feel like i would have been less upset if they just told us from the start how its gonna be... I hated the uncertainty

If it means a fantastic second cour then I'm all for it. I mean my life is empty and I wish I were dead, but other than that I've accepted it!

6 months for preparing myself to let Erwin rest in peace

I AM NOT READY FOR RTS THIS IS LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO A HIATUS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WIT

WAIT Studio

Does Annie have some space next to her for the next 6 months?

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SCENES WERE YOUR FAVORITES? 480 Responses

The Survey Corps’ sendoff was the most favorite moment of the episode, followed closely by Eren and Jean’s nostalgic fight. Levi and Erwin’s talk after the meeting made it to third most favorite scene of the episode, followed closely behind by Eren, Armin and Mikasa’s conversation. Everyone losing their minds over meat was another favorite.

Erwin was so perfect, I loved his little laugh, I thought the whole interaction with him and Levi was done so well... god, I'm gonna miss him so much, it actually hurts.

Good breather episode, comedy gold with the dinner scenes, and the send-off was just as fun as it was touching. Also, the extra scene was creepy and great, but I hope anime-only watchers don't spoil themselves trying to find the meaning to it...

I think they did a really good work with the Erwin x Leviv talk, and EMA talk... Since enfatizing Erwin's reasons, and showing Armin's, It became more clear Levi's choice in future

I loved EMA talk... it made me pretty sad because of the events which now are taking place in the manga. That was good to see them together in the anime.

My Eruri shipping heart was in tatters, I tell you. I've been looking forward to the ""I'll break your legs"" scene for ages now, and shit, watching it was a literal punch to the gut. Erwin's beautiful roar of victory on the wall, his final ""SUSUME"" just... I was in awe.

Sasha nomming on Jean’s hand was even funnier animated

The 104th dinner scene was just perfect! It's been so long since we had a scene of such warmhearted camaraderie, it really brought back all my season 1 feels for the babies. Beautifully done.

Overall great Episode, really liked how they foreshadowed Erwins Demise and his conversation with Levi, EMA talk was great too, and the serumbowl scene made for an amazing cliffhanger

DID THE GLITCHED ENDING SCARE YOU? 483 Responses

The abrupt reminder that SNK is a horror anime definitely seemed to work!  The majority of people were scared by the ending at least a little bit, and some were thoroughly terrified.

"Blink and you'll miss it" my a**

Honestly it reminded me of how horrid the show actually is. I forget it's not all cute and funny scenes with a tinge of "yikes" that happened, but instead vice versa

I knew it was coming in the ED but didn't know WHEN and I was just anticipating it like a dark corridor in a horror movie XD

Moreso that scare me, it got under my skin and just stayed in my head the rest of the day.

Scare is not the right word. The option I'm looking for is FUCKING WRECKED

I learned that apparently a lot of you watch shit alone in the dark. But to answer the question, no, not at all.

It thrilled me to see them cleverly setting up the next half of the season this way

Only the Levi's distorted "you guys". The glitched ending was awesome

I saw some screencaps of it prior to watching so I was somewhat prepared but it was way creepier than i thought it would be, it spooked me

It wasn't actually SCARY, but I fucking loved it. So twisted and creepy

rip ears in that ending, it makes for some great youtube reactions though lol

Well, mark me down as scared and horny

SHOULD ZACKLEY’S ART BE REALIZED? 478 Responses

We suppose the real question is, when will Zackley’s “art” stop becoming something we ask about? :P All in all, most of you agree that it should not be seen or talked about. 21% of you are still finding humor in it.

HOW MUCH DID YOU ENJOY THE SEQUENCE OF EREN AND JEAN FIGHTING? 483 Responses

Most of the viewers enjoyed Eren and Jean’s antics with 84% rating the scene with a 4 out of 5 or higher. 

Mikasa letting them fight and not dragging Eren way is the best part! It's such an important character development for her. Also this Episode was full of parallels to their training days. Great episode.

Eren and Jean bringing the Drama™ (as expected of Eren and Jean)

THE SURVEY CORPS HAS NEVER EXPERIENCED A SEND-OFF LIKE THEY DID IN THIS EPISODE - FAVORITE PART OF THIS SCENE? 481 Responses

The surreal experience of getting a positive send-off like this made Erwin’s smile and shout the overwhelming winner here, and for good reason!  A smaller portion of respondents enjoyed Springlestein being themselves and a few called out Levi’s face in the comments:

All of it. Because it will be the first and the last time we'll see it

YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Levi looking at screaming Erwin like "WTF Erwin"

Hange smile

LEVI'S SOFT LOOK

I like the manga version better because Levi's smile was softer there

Levi's expression when Erwin did his triumphant shout.

literally everything about it was perfect

WOULD YOU LET LEVI BREAK YOUR LEGS? 480 Responses

While 58% of respondents cannot understand why anybody would want their legs broken by Levi, a small percentage were even asking for it.

THE EPISODE WENT EXACTLY AS THE ORIGINAL MANGA! 478 Responses

So, the story behind this one is that one of the pollsters posted this “question” on our original document as a joke while another one of us was at work. When the one at work got off, they put the question onto the poll form while the person who created the “question” was not online, not realizing it was meant to be an unpublished joke. This was completely overlooked during the final proofread. It was never actually intended to make it onto the poll but since one of us always tries to rush through things, here we are! In any case, we hope you guys had a good laugh, because we all collectively lost it when we realized the mistake much too late!

wow y'all throwin shade with this Q huh

Yes, it is Erwin's birthday celebration after all

Glad that Erwin and the crowd’s screaming was a ‘dialogue’ and that he screamed again.

Makes sense, given how its purpose is to set up the new arc. Not much need to leave things out for the sake of pacing.

They done it so perfectly! I love that episode and love the hope in the air, my man similing and being happy, I love they see people cheering for them. THAT was earned.

It still modified some moments like Armin thinking of Eren and Mikasa instead of the bullies in the manga. Maybe it's better and more consistent with the following events.

Thanks God! The whole series should has been this way. Compared to the sad 1st episode of Uprising, this one was a true masterpiece.

u people need to get the salt in your blood checked, let others be dissatisfied with something they care about? please and thanks

i don't care if it went exactly as the original manga or with some changes as long as the episode is good

THE CHAPTER SIGNIFIED THE START OF A NEW ARC, BUT THE ANIME USED IT TO END THE FIRST COUR, WAS THIS A BENEFICIAL DECISION? 478 Responses

The majority of folks thought shifting the send-off to the end of the cour to create an uplifting cliffhanger was a good way to end the season.  Several people called attention to how much contrast was felt between such a positive ending and the credits scene.

I think it works great, especially the triumph of the send off and the "oh shit, what's happening" moment in the ED

should have been the first ep of the next arc, with the send off as the cliffhanger

It was a nice, fun send off for the arc. Has the suspense of the scouts going towards the foes. The next episode with the next chapter/s will be perfect for getting back into the series after 6 months

WAIT Studio used it as an effective cliffhanger but from an adaptation perspective it's just like the Wall Titan. Something to keep the audience's attention at the cost of the narrative's flow. If the season was going to be split then rushing the Uprising Arc at breakneck speed resulting in one extra episode was pointless.

The opening of 73 is a perfect opening for the second cour, so I knew from the beginning of the season that ending in this chapter would be their aim. The second half won't struggle for content, and they can either push ahead flashbacks (I expect some of Bert's parts from 96 making it into the adaptation of 77) or content that didn't make it in the first half used to extend other parts (Eren's experiments for Armin realizing how to beat Bert in 81)

I think this will help the second part by being on the way to Shiganshina to start it off.

Heck cliffhangers!

LEVI WASN’T EXPLICITLY SHOWN EAVESDROPPING UNTIL THE END OF EMA’S CONVERSATION, DO YOU THINK THIS DIMINISHED THE FORESHADOWING? 478 Responses

The vast majority of respondents agreed that as long as we saw him listening to them, that’s ultimately all that matters. A small few believe that not showing him listening in on them earlier will diminish the overall impact when he makes his decisions later, however.

I don't think it matters, especially if the anime includes a flashcut to this moment post-decision, which will make its important even more obvious for viewers who may not remember this scene at all.

I'm not sure, I guess it did seem more ambiguous here. They'll flashback to it when serumbowl happens though.

Wouldn’t have spent more time on it. This show is about subtle details. I think its ok.

It still worked, but I would have liked it to have been made clear that he saw Armin's expression when he was talking about the ocean

No, but i think it was nice in the manga to see that at the beginning of the conversation he was standing and ended up on the floor by the end of it. Small detail, but i took it like he didn't mean to listen in the beginning but decided to stay in the end because of what he was hearing?

No, because it was a detail it meant a lot more. Subtle details have greater impact in visualities, manga is a different medium and the scene was used properly for its medium.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT WIT SHOWING *THAT PART* OF THE RTS ARC AS A TEASER? 480 Responses

38% of respondents believe that the teaser was a great way to keep interest in the series high. 20% specifically feel that it will keep the anime only fans invested. About 21% of respondents combined don’t think it was the smartest choice on WIT’s end while almost 10% are just not ready to see that animated at all.

Even though I already know what will happen, my body *isn't* ready for this shit to come, except for the lightning spears

Honestly, I thought it was stupid as fuck and a cheap way to keep hype up for anime-only people. I would've preferred my anime-only friend to go into RTS completely blind.

I think it's great because it lends itself a lot of hype for the next half as well as leaving it very open ended. Especially because they cut out lines about the serum.

I think this teaser shocked more the manga readers than the anime onlines.

It's the worst part of the manga they could spoil. I'm not sure what they intend to do by showing such a controversial moment

It was brilliant. Anime only watchers don't often get the experience of agonizing over certain cliffhangers monthly, but with this flashforward looming in their head, they have a whole season of suffering ahead of them. SUFFER LIKE US, ANIME ONLIES!

I really liked it but I think they could have shown a part of Bert/Reiner/Zeke’s convo since we saw Bert and Reiner at the end of the episode, and it would have anime-onlies wondering who the glasses guy is

I was shocked and hyped at seeing them include this scene, but at the same time I’m sad that anime-onlies were spoiled that at the very least Mikasa, Eren, and Levi will survive until this scene, destroying any tension of them dying

I'm really conflicted; on one hand, I was very surprised in a positive way, cause it was a ballsy and unexpected move. On the other hand, I understand that anime viewers might be sick of spoilers bc of the scene at the beginning of ep1.

It gave me anxiety lol. Please someone save my babies from their horrible destiny

One hell of a cliffhanger and I can't really imagine anything better to show everything going wrong (Colossal nuke is way too obvious, for example), but the people complaining about spoilers do have a point...

WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR RTS’S ADAPTATION? 480 Responses

WHAT SEGMENTS OF RTS ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING ANIMATED NEXT COUR? 481 Responses

Over half of respondents feel that the Return to Shiganshina arc will be delivered just as well as Uprising was. 37% of respondents feel it will be much better than Uprising’s adaptation. A small few don’t have much faith in the second half of the four.

FUCK ME UP!! R.I.P. ANIME ONLIES

GIMME THE 2ND COUR NOW!

I don't know if I'm emotionally prepared for this arc

I’m going to have 6 more months to mentally prepare myself for the return to shiganshina arc and I still won’t be ready

from an adaptation perspective it's going to be the same as the previous seasons. WAIT Studio excels at certain aspects of packaging SnK into anime, but as a whole it's a bad, rather than amazing, adaptation.

Is there a "NOPE I am not ready for RtS arc" in the questions?

WHAT SEGMENTS OF RTS ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING ANIMATED NEXT COUR? 481 Responses

The most anticipated segment of the Return to Shiganshina arc is the suicide charge + Levi totally wrecking Zeke. Following closely behind are the basement reveal, the serumbowl, Grisha’s diaries and flashbacks, the ocean and the showdown with the 104th and Reibert. 

Kill me! I cannot believe I have to wait 6 months for RTS. 6 months until I can see Reiner and Bertholdt in action and the FREAKING BASEMENT!!!! I was fine with a 3 months break but 6 is too much ;____; I want to see Grisha's past animated

What everybody is waiting for the RtS Arc: the basement, Reibert fight, Levi soloing the beast titan, the ocean. Me, an intellectual: THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS THUNDER SPEARS (and Grisha's backstory)

can't wait to see historia looking graceful as hell in front of the sunrise while the SC goes off to fuck reibert and zeke up

The only thing I can think about is Zeke.... *screams* ZEKE AND EREN! THE JAEGERBROS! AND THE GRISHA FILES! SO MANY JAEGERS *dies*

I'm definitely looking forward to RTS okay, but I'm dreading it more, honestly. But the one thing I'm looking forward to, and really hoping they'll animate, is Levi taking down those Titans on the way to Zeke. I know the focus is on Erwin's last charge in the manga, and rightly so, but DAMN, I want to see Levi do that -I honestly don't think anyone, even Mikasa, could do what he did there.

I have a fever, and the only prescription is Season 3 Part 2

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

A pretty decent choice for a midseason finale. But most important, a pretty good choice for episode 49. Once we're back in April, the series will be celebrating having made it to 50 episodes. Just 2 years ago, we were wondering if we'd ever get episode 26, and now we're getting to a landmark episode that will be exciting and memorable! Nothing between chapters 70-72 could've worked as such a landmark, in my opinion, but chapters 73-74? Absolutely perfect for it.

And my ship finally got some screen time

But damn wit... I almost got a heart attack because of the glitched ending!! Please, I at least want to survive to see manbun Eren animated

For anime watchers: I enjoyed watching your confusion over that ED. May you all be prepared by April 2019.

My heart is filled with so much Eruri that I may cry. You could literally see how much concern Levi had for Erwin in his eyes.

I love Bertoto and Raina more than myself. Guess, I'll die in April.

I'm an Erwin Lover™ and the show is gonna come back right around my birthday so this was Great and I'm Fine

It was out of character to see Eren fully clothed.

The moment when SC were cheered up and Erwin was so confident and happy and then they left into the sunset gave me goosebumps and almost made me cry :') it was a beautiful, strong, encouraging moment for SC!!

Let me just tell you how fucking HYPED I am for the next season after those previews during the ED. HYPED. And Jesus fuck yes, Armin looked like a charred French fry that got left behind in the oil. THANK JESUS. I was afraid WIT might downplay that, but no, my boy gonna be the CRONCHIEST.

The glitches were great and not too spoiler-y but WIT absolutely ruined it with the Eren/Mikasa/Levi scene. They showed too much.

rip ears in that ending, it makes for some great youtube reactions though lol

Erwin looked fine as fuck

Wit, you better be paying for my doctor visit. My ears were bleeding with your little trick you pulled at the end.

This episode. THIS FUCKING EPISODE. Man what a way to end the cour. REALLY, standing ovation to WIT. That glitch ending was just like that tiny Titan-in-the-wall scene at the end of season 1 that made me go looking for the manga. Absolutely brilliant stuff.

Thanks for these polls.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 446 Responses

Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please keep your eyes peeled for an upcoming Uprising Arc poll!