#for context my sister doesn’t know i’m autistic

[angelarm-vash]

being autistic and not being able to cook without support is so wack, especially when ur family doesn’t believe you when u ask for help. i have a very hard time cooking meats (and avoid them altogether) and i’m on vacation with my sister and she said to me one night to “make a burger.”

i had to call my mom and have her guide me through making mac and cheese with spam (which i had to do one at a time and with constant instruction and supervision) so that i could eat.

i wish more than anything that i wouldn’t have to ask others to help me cook or to cook for me. i wish people believed me when i say “i have trouble cooking” i’m not lazy. i’m not spoiled. i’m not making excuses.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

The last interaction Dib has with his father for years.

Things said... things unsaid...

Sometimes... you just need to let them know, the things you hold onto.

An echo return of past conversations

Part of the Post Florpus AU in the somewhat distant future. 

Dib and Zim leave for college or something, I don’t know. 

This comic is ooooooooooold. Like around two years old. I shared an preview update on my Kofi and shared with a few people in discord servers for awhile, but I never posted it publicly. 

Part of the reason I held onto it for such a long time: (personal long ramblings under the cut and talk about my grief experiences.)

....was partly because I felt without context for the overall series huge chunks missing about Dib’s character development in Post Florpus and what I have planned, it would have come across as a shallow thing... Dib forgiving his Dad for being a neglectful father or something akin to that and I feared the protentional backlash something like this could have among the Invader Zim community. Since people who connect personally with that show typically all have their own issues regarding their parents. (not always but I see it very often)

And I changed the dialogue of what Dib said to his father over several times. Like “I love you” “I forgive you....” but it didn’t seem appropriate to me. Nothing felt right other than telling him that He’s proud of him in the same way that Membrane told Dib in Enter the Florpus. 

And no, Dib doesn’t forgive his Dad for having a shitty neglectful childhood. Cause he was, a terrible parent, but Dib can acknowledge that his Dad is getting better... and working to improve... and knows his Dad loves him... but he also can establish boundaries and set his distance... this is the last thing Dib basically says to Membrane before he cuts him out of his life temporarily when he goes to University. 

And it very personally echos the relationship that I had with my Father and Mother. There was a huge period of time where I hated my father after he passed away. For how distant he was in his parenting style and how much he left my controlling Mom to do everything. When he passed away I felt like my Mom was tighter with a leash on me, and it took a long time and therapy on both of our ends to have a healthy relationship with good boundaries. 

I’m on real good terms with my Mom now and I can’t imagine a time where it was ever tense between us, and she’s really a different person then the one I grew up with. Heck, even Mom from seven years ago is a different person and was way were then. I’m glad that I can call my Mom my friend too. 

I know it doesn’t always work out that way in real life for some people.... but this AU is extremely personal to me, and I like to write about my displacement in my family since my Dad died, and what happened over the years as we coped with that. 

Post Florpus AU stemed from me being emotional about ETF due to my grief of losing my father and my own personal experiences with my family just struck the right chord at the right time in 2019. And that has never changed. 

I drew this two years ago angry at the time... thinking that there were many things I wanted to tell my Dad. How he could have been there for Mom more when me and my sister were struggling with heavy bullying in school, how Dad could have took on more responsibilities when my Mom tried to go back to college. And how I still wanted him here.... but in retrospect, he did the best he could do at the time, knowing what he knew... as an undiagnosed autistic and everything else.... 

Like there’s no forgiveness of his favoritism of one child over the other and how he left Mom to do all the parenting. But I feel if he was alive in our family unit today, we’d all have a healthier family dynamic and balance. People can always change, and change every day and I personally don’t hold onto memories of people when I know every five years someone can be reborn. But the effort always needs to be there.

I don’t know. I’m rambling.  

In any case, I just kept this under my belt for so long because I was worried of public perception and worrying people might judge me for “Forgiving shitty dads” or something...

Sorry to break it to you... but in this AU everyone does get better. Dib doesn’t even need to be in contact with his Dad, and he won’t for a long while until he matures more. 

Forgiveness is a choice on the Membrane Sibling’s part, and sometimes, in this case... it isn’t needed. Membrane himself doesn’t even want forgiveness for his shitty parenting in the past. He just wishes for his children to grow up happy and healthy, and if they want to stay in contact with him, great, but he won’t force himself when he’s not wanted. It’s a delicate balance.... He’s not forgiven exactly, but the Siblings appreciate the effort... and they like who he is now, rather than who he was... but it will take a long time before they can have a proper adult child and parent relationship. Baby steps.

TLDR: My au. My rules. Membrane Trying juice. 

[solrika]

Vent post.

Id put it behind a cut but I’m on mobile :/ also this is very ramble and not at all coherent but oh well.

I always have a bit of an issue with posts like this that are like “your trauma and how you react to it doesn’t make you a bad person” because. Uh. Cycles of abuse are a thing, you can absolutely do bad things out of trauma responses. You can absolutely be a shitty, hurtful person from a place of pain. (Staring at the entire state of Israel and its treatment of Palestine). Especially in the context of that post, which specifically mentions anger issues and addiction.

I’m not replying or reblogging said post because I truly don’t think that’s what op was going for, the greater point was “autism isn’t just sunshine and roses but can create real issues for people,” it’s just… an accidental unfortunate implication. But it’s late and I’m dealing with my own neuroatyoical issues flaring up atm so. Yelling about implications and the need for nuance and space for caretaker burnout on my own blog. Probably dealing with some buried trauma of my own.

(Also the USA healthcare system sucks for people who can’t easily take care of themselves, I dunno what it’s like outside the country but in here you need SO Much Money just to get barely adequate care for TBIs or Alzheimer’s or shit. )

There’s a little byplay in the notes that I think is important—someone says “I don’t have autism but I got secondhand trauma because my sibling does,” someone else responds “fuck you, of course allistic is making it all about them self” and a third person goes “hey it’s very common for the siblings of disabled people to be neglected in favor of the ‘squeaky wheel,’ I know it hurts to hear but disability hurts more than just the disabled person.” That plus some of the notes describing damage that autistic people have done (and largely regretted) to others… Disabled people can cause harm. That’s a thing!!! Being disabled does not make you blameless! Cool motive still murder!

And your disability can absolutely cause secondhand harm even if you don’t mean it to! My little sister no longer feels like the smaller sibling because my parents spend more emotional energy on me—and that’s a mild case, my disability only really began being an issue when we were both in college. It’s nothing compared to her friend, whose adult brother suffered a TBI and can’t live at home because it’s not safe to have a huge man around who can’t regulate his strength when he’s upset. It’s not at all his fault that he’s like this, but it’s a horrible situation and ALL involved should be able to say that it’s horrible.

I have done shitty things because of trauma responses, and I have worked really hard to create strategies to keep those shitty behaviors from happening again. I give myself—and others—a bit of a pass when a situation is truly uncontrollable. Or when someone is actively trying to ignore boundaries I’ve set to protect myself, but… that’s not the same as going “I have anger issues. Huh. Oh well! I will continue having destructive trauma responses and do nothing to mitigate it!”

I dunno. I’m sure some of this strong reaction of mine comes from being lashed out at by people in the midst of their own meltdowns, even though those have been more TBI related than autism related. Still. The meltdown was unavoidable but the ways they acted during were… hm. Not great.

At least stay away from vulnerable entities when you’re like this. My partner removes himself from the dog when he’s having a meltdown because the dog can provoke him into physically lashing out. (The dog has no idea, of course. The dog is very stupid and only barely understands what me crying means. ) He can’t control the meltdown happening but he can step away from things he could hurt. I really wish the people who hurt me had stepped away from the child I was.

I wish I’d gotten an apology, too. Like at least apologize for your shitty behavior, please!

(This whole “writing my own separate post and not tagging op” is one of those “hm. Am having Emotion. How to express it without causing pain to others” things I’ve tried to cultivate.)

If you don’t fucking MANAGE damage to others, others won’t want to be around you. If you hurt someone they are absolutely within their rights to set boundaries to protect themselves.

I dunno. I started at point A and I’m not sure where I went from there. Don’t be a dick I guess.

[gatesofember]

Hey, I really love your autistic Nico take, it's super well thought out and I appreciate it greatly

I'm not autistic, but I do have PTSD and pretty sever anxiety, and I have almost down to a T, the same characteristics as Nico (I'm not saying he's not autistic, I think you're right)

(and OBVIOUSLY Nico has PTSD as well), do you think these things coexist? And um, how much they overlap?

I'm genuinely sorry if I phrased these wrong, I just love your take on it and would want to know more

(For context, this is the post being referred to.)

Hi! Ok so I want to start out by saying I’m not a professional and I can’t give you as good an answer as a real psychologist, so take my words with a grain of salt. However my undergrad education is in psychology and I have personal experience (I don’t have PTSD as far as I’m aware but I do have very severe disabling anxiety as well as ADHD, autism, and depression). I also did a bunch of reading on this because my textbooks never specifically mentioned the overlap of PTSD and autism so I wanted some actual evidence before I just gave you my own speculation.

In short, yes, of course autism and PTSD can coexist and there is a considerable amount of overlap between them.

A lot of neurodivergencies and psychological disorders have overlapping symptoms. In my post I talked a little bit about how some autistic symptoms are prevalent in other neurodivergencies, particularly ADHD, but I didn’t get into how some symptoms are also very common in both mood and anxiety disorders aside from mentioning RSD.

Autism and anxiety or mood disorders like PTSD/anxiety/depression can present similar behavioral symptoms, but have different cognitive triggers. Flat affect, for example, might be caused by having fewer positive emotions in something like PTSD or depression but by difficulties with social reciprocity in autism. Lack of socialization might be caused by social withdrawal in an anxiety or mood disorder but by socialization difficulties in autism. Hyperarousal and trouble with emotional regulation are seen in PTSD and anxiety disorders and in autism; in PTSD it’s often in response to something that reminds someone of their trauma and in autism it can be in response to emotional stimuli or something like discomfort or a loud noise that sends someone into a meltdown. Panic attacks and autistic meltdowns are similar, but a panic attack is triggered by fear while a meltdown can also be triggered by something like frustration, and panic attacks are more sudden while meltdowns come on more gradually. A person with PTSD and a person with autism might both be touch averse, but the person with PTSD may be touch averse because of a traumatic experience while the autistic person could have sensory issues that make touch unpleasant.

Aside from subtle differences in similar symptoms, one way to tell the difference is that autism should show up in childhood, while PTSD has a triggering event(s) and other anxiety and mood disorders develop over time. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help much in the case of childhood trauma/anxiety/depression. With Nico I think it’s difficult to tell because we didn’t see much of him before he found out his sister died and became homeless, which I’d say is the initial trigger of his PTSD (ofc Tartarus later gave him double PTSD) or at the very least was the start of a mood or anxiety disorder. We also don’t get a lot of time with his POV, meaning that most of what we have to go off of is behavior rather than his actual thoughts and we don’t know why he acts the way he does or how he feels.

But despite differences, you can also have both. None of those differences I listed conflict with each other. For example, I’m not very social both because I have socialization difficulties and because I’m withdrawn due to mood and anxiety disorders. I can’t tell the difference between panic attacks and meltdowns, probably because I am terrible at identifying my own emotions or how long I’ve been feeling them for, but I also think they’re often the same thing for me or they happen simultaneously.

In fact, most people with a psychological disorder also have another one. When a person has multiple disorders, they come together like a puzzle and you can’t just look at the individual pieces anymore. I might question if my flat affect is autism or depression, if I’m having a meltdown or a panic attack, or if the reason I say something inappropriate is autistic social problems or ADHD impulsiveness. The fact is it’s all of that. Every person is unique, the roots of each of their disorders are tangled together, and for me at least, my ADHD, autism, anxiety, and depression kind of roll together to make one case that is unique to me. I think it’s like that with Nico, too. His ADHD, autism, PTSD, and depression make up the unique Nico disorder.

That being said, the overlap in symptoms between various disorders, including autism and PTSD, can make them difficult to diagnose. Many professionals feel this way too, but I would not be at all surprised if autism was underdiagnosed in people with PTSD and vice versa, with PTSD underdiagnosed in autistic people. As a personal example of underdiagnosis, it took me a very long time to find someone who’d listen to me when I said I thought I might be autistic because everything I said was brushed off as either my ADHD or my social anxiety. I wasn’t even given the opportunity to explain why I thought I was autistic (btw, when I finally did find someone who was willing to listen, I sent them a detailed seven page paper full of reasons I thought I might be autistic complete with examples, and they said it was such a perfectly described case of autism that they asked for permission to use some of my examples to help other patients understand whether they might be autistic too).

(It’s also worth mentioning that the DSM-5 criteria for trauma is very limited and doesn’t include trauma that’s more psychological in nature, which leads to a lot of underdiagnosis of PTSD. For example, emotional trauma caused by bullying would not count as trauma if it didn’t include a threat of death or injury. I am ignoring this particular part of the DSM-5 because it’s bad. Trauma can have lots of causes and limiting the definition prevents people from getting help.)

Rates of anxiety and PTSD are much higher in autistic people than in neurotypical people (at least in adults; from what I’ve read, autistic children have similar rates of PTSD to neurotypical children, but I would not be surprised if there’s underdiagnosis going on). Often, experiences with autism can cause mood or anxiety disorders. (For me, most of the reason I have such severe social anxiety is a combination of uncertainty about how I should respond to a situation coupled with bad past experiences in how people have reacted to things I’ve said/done.) People who are neurodivergent are also more likely to be teased, ostracized, bullied, or worse, so they’re more likely to experience trauma. Symptoms of autism such as rigidity, difficulties with emotional regulation, and hyperarousal also make a person more prone to developing a mood or anxiety disorder. An autistic person would likely have a worse reaction to a traumatic event than a neurotypical person and would be more likely to develop PTSD as a result.

This is speculative on my part so I want to put out the disclaimer that I haven’t read anything about this specifically, but some autistic people have very high emotional empathy (I wrote about the different types of empathy in relation to autism here but basically the gist is that autistic people tend to be bad at identifying what another person is feeling, but not at feeling what another person is feeling, and some autistic people are actually very, very good at feeling other people’s emotions). People can get PTSD through indirect exposure to a traumatic event, such as a loved one going through the trauma or being a medical worker helping in the aftermath. Maybe autistic people with a strong ability to feel other’s emotions, especially combined with emotional regulation problems and hyperarousal, would be more likely than a neurotypical person to experience PTSD this way.

Anyway: yes, PTSD and autism can and often do occur at the same time and they can have very similar symptoms. Here are a few links to pages about PTSD and autism if you want to know more (all on my current favorite website, which is run by autistic mental health professionals): [1] [2] [3]

[starfast]

So you want to write an autistic character

So I watched the trailer for Sia’s movie just to see if it really was that bad. Spoiler alert: Yes it is. It made me feel like Sia was making fun of me for two and a half minutes. But it also made me really fucking angry because there’s not autism representation to begin with, and most of what we do have isn’t really that great, which is what drove me to make this post. I don’t have many followers so even if like 3 people see this, then at least that’s 3 people who have seen this.  

What would I like to see less of

Literally incapable of detecting sarcasm: “Wait,” you say, “But Starfast, there are autistic people out there who are like this!” Sure, there might be, but for me personally detecting sarcasm is a lot less difficult than literally every autistic character has made it out to be. Yes, there are times where it goes right over my head but those times are usually when there’s not enough context for me to figure out whether the person is being sarcastic or not. Some of us actually are able to tell when you’re being sarcastic, it usually depends on context.

The “Sheldon Cooper”:  Autism is really diverse and yet I feel like 99% of autistic characters are basically all just carbon copies of Sheldon Cooper from BBT. They’re maybe overly formal, blunt, or have a hard time picking up social cues. And while these are all things that are commonly associated with autism (although this type of character rarely shows any major downsides to having autism, more on that later), like I said earlier, autism is different for everyone. Not all of us are going to feel represented by this type of character. Honestly I don’t even relate to a lot of autistic characters because they just keep reusing the same autistic stock characters and that’s really disheartening to me. It’s almost like they’re not making autistic characters for autistic people.

The Burden: This probably doesn’t need to be explained that much but it was the one thing that really pissed me off about S**’s movie. In the trailer, I really got the very distinct impression that the older sister saw Music as a burden. Her life was just oh so difficult because she had this autistic sister. No one wants to be thought of that way. And idk if you neurotypicals know this but autistic people have feelings and we hear it loud and clear when you say these kinds of things and it hurts. 

Using autism as a punchline: I think it’s fine to have an autistic character to provide comic relief, BUT! if your comic relief involves laughing at an autistic character’s very autistic behaviour then you’re doing it wrong. This kind of goes back to my first point- the reason why I hate seeing the “incapable of detecting sarcasm” character is because it’s almost exclusively played for laughs. Please stop making fun of us. 

What would I like to see more of

Diversity: I feel like this doesn’t really need much explaining. Autism can affect anyone regardless of age, race, gender, sexuality, etc. And yet most autistic characters I’ve encountered are straight white guys. Let’s see more girls, more POCs, more LGBT+ who are autistic. 

Obvious drawbacks/struggles: When I talked about the Sheldon Cooper-type character I mentioned that this type of character doesn’t really seem to face many challenges that are directly related to autism. What I mean by this is that sometimes they’ll maybe just miss the odd social cue and it’s kinda embarrassing but it rarely gets worse than that. An autistic character is going to face challenges that a neurotypical won’t ever have to deal with and if you don’t acknowledge that then you’re not really properly portraying an autistic character. Show more autistic characters struggling to make friends, having meltdowns or experiencing sensory overload, having a hard time articulating themselves. The list goes on, honestly. 

Actually saying it: Have you ever seen it where there’s a certain character and a bunch of people go “hey, that character seems like they could be [insert literally any minority] and then the creator goes “Oh, yeah that’s totally what I intended!” I personally don’t really like this, because it feels kind of disingenuous. If you’re going to write an autistic character, it would be nice to have that brought up within the story. Autism isn’t a dirty word, you’re allowed to say it. The only exception I can think of would be if you’re writing a historical fiction or some other setting where autism hasn’t been recognized but most examples I can think of don’t fall into that category whoop there it is. 

Literally just anything that isn’t a stereotype. This seems to be setting the bar pretty low, but it still needs to be said. Autism looks different for everyone and just because someone doesn’t fit the mold for a stereotypical autistic person doesn’t mean they’re not autistic. No one wants to be represented by a stereotype. 

“I’m not autistic but I want to write an autistic character. Can I do that?” 

I can’t speak for the entire autistic community when I answer this but my opinion is yes, it’s ok provided that you’re being respectful and doing research beyond reading symptoms off of WebMD. That being said, here’s my final advice: 

Listen and talk to autistic people: If you’re not listening to the group you’re trying to represent then you’re not doing a good job. There are lots of people here out there who would be willing to answer your questions or be a sensitivity reader. There’s a lot of people here on tumblr who are willing to answer your questions (you can even ask me, but I’m just one person and I don’t have all the answers. I’d recommend talking to multiple people). 

Autism Speaks is not your friend: There’s been a lot of talk about why this organization sucks, but it mostly boils down to trying to end autism and not actually helping us. So make sure you’re steering clear of them while you’re doing your research. 

Reddit and Quora are actually great resources: Reason being is that these kinds of sites will give you lots of first hand information about being autistic, and that’s the best kind of information to have, usually. Most sites will just list symptoms, but the right reddit/quora thread will provide more insight about how these symptoms affect their daily life. Additionally, you’ll have multiple people offering their own views and since autism is so different for everyone it’s good to have more than one person’s opinion (psst... this tip works for writing other minority characters too!) 

[mimdecisive]

I don’t think blushing when someone grabs you suddenly, roughly and without consent implies a crush, lots of people do that when they’re uncomfortable (especially autistic people which I hc Mermista is, I’m the same way unfortunately). That scene always made me uncomfy, Casta was too pushy :/

Headcanons are great, but canon context would suggest otherwise. We’ve seen how Mermista responds to sudden touch in the show many, many times in her debut episode alone, but that’s the only time she’s blushed.

I don’t personally think Castaspella was too pushy. Mermista doesn’t look upset like she usually does with Sea Hawk, and even smiles.

Here's an example of Mermista getting surprised with affection from the BFS.

Castaspella is a very observant character, and wouldn’t have done it if Mermista was uncomfortable. I am also autistic, as is my older sister who is much more touch-averse than I am. If she were intended in any way, shape or form to feel uncomfortable, the animators would have shown it with her expression.

(And while a lot of autistic people don’t necessarily emote facially All The Time when uncomfortable or smile awkwardly, that doesn’t apply to fictional animated characters, otherwise we don’t know how they feel. With the addition of Mermista consistently reacting unimpressed, irritated or angry when suddenly grabbed in other episodes, I wouldn’t think it applies.)

[swimfuel]

okay humanstuck thoughts under the cut

i owe a lot of this to @/rhythmic-idealist's kankri/vantasposting bc holy shit theyve got such a big brain (ill link to their individual posts when im on desktop since im using this to keep all my thoughts straight and i agree with most of what they say wholeheartedly)

general status quo stuff:

signless works in an extremely demanding career involving helping others (i'm leaning towards an attorney who works with organizations and does pro bono work), and is also extensively involved in social justice work outside of his job... he is very rarely home

he loves and cares for his children deeply and tries to express it whenever they're face to face, but the couch in his cramped and messy office has seen far too much use over the years for him to have been able to say it enough

his habits of working himself to the point of exhaustion are handily passed down to his kids btw

the kids had to grow up quickly because signless was out of the house so often and so consistently—kankri, who was already pretty high-strung, has to learn to take care of himself and karkat

they grow up near ms firuzeh maryam, who's their pseudoaunt/grandma (she took in a nine year old kavana vantas when she was about twenty), but they just call her ms rosa

they spent a lot of time in the maryam house growing up, with miss rosa's two nieces. porrim is a year older than kankri, while kanaya and karkat are the same age

kankri grows kinda sensitive to people trying to mother him since it rubs against the notion that he's the "adult of the house" and that he can take care of himself and karkat just fine

(and it also kinda underlines the fact that kankri has no idea what he's doing at the best of times)

and ironically enough, kankri becomes overbearing and naggy towards karkat in his own right, which forestalls them becoming close in any brotherly sort of way

they grow up really just... unable to communicate with one another clearly

karkat develops his ornery exterior in response to kankri's constant stream of opinions and frantic attempts at making up for the presence of a guardian in the house

i think there would actually be some really interesting parallels with rose in this au.. maybe i'm drawing from my own experiences as well but i think he'd begin to assume that every time his brother opens his mouth, he's going to criticize karkat

but instead of reacting like rose with the "making yourself more of a puzzle"/passive aggressive stuff, he gets a more defensive/hackles raised/"argue with you before you can argue with me" approach

and the thing is that they do love each other and would take a bullet for the other etc etc etc.. but they don't know how to express it because they've fallen into these shitty patterns

and it really doesn't help that kankri has grown somewhat resentful of signless over the years... that mix of resentment and fear and love gets more extreme and more polar every time signless gets injured during a political demonstration

i think kankri and signless would also be slightly closer than karkat and signless, as signless' job really only started to ramp up when karkat was less than years old and kankri was in his early double digits

kankri autistic btw its word of god (i am god)

karkat has a pet crab. its name is also karkat. he vents his frustrations to it.

i feel like the vantases exemplify both the best and worst parts of their aspects with one another as well... the strength of their bonds keeps them together and grounded, but TOO grounded. [insert Blood rant here]

the Blood rant:

i define Blood as bonds, responsibility, and the "core". if Life is the fertile soil and everything living on a planet's surface, then Blood is the gravitational core of the planet keeping everything together

i also think Blood, Heart, & Mind work in tandem to define a person just as blood serves to connect the pieces of the human body... Heart is the soul and the self, Mind is the application of one's self through active choices (agency), while Blood defines both the self and the choices one makes in greater detail [and, as an aside, Life provides the physical spark of life needed to keep the heart pumping blood]

OKAY wow that got tangential anyways

SO BASICALLY! too much Blood makes you stagnate, so for example:

kankri is split between staying home with karkat or going to college across the country and being truly unbound for the first time in years

another crisis of Blood: signless is caught between his empathy and responsibility to the whole world and his responsibility to his own children

okay so here's more status quo stuff:

the maryam and vantas kids grow up together and its hilarious because you'll see them all together and its just like (girlboss) (girlboss) (physical manlet) (emotional manlet)

the maryam girls are actually miss rosa's nieces but she took them in when they were both pretty young

the pyropes know the vantases well enough considering pyrope senior and sign have known one another from their respective legal practices for years, but they live on the other side of town

the leijons lived in town when kankri and meulin were very young, but they moved and travelled for a long time before coming back and reestablishing their roots

the captors (psii being one of sign's oldest and closest friends) move into town with the peixes family pretty early on though

the condesce is.. a horrible spouse and guardian, to put it plainly. she's very emotionally manipulative and isn't averse to smacking people around, including her own family. she moves herself and her perfect little family into town so she can properly oversee a new business venture close by

feferi is one of the best young swimmers in the country and has a pretty good shot of getting onto the olympic team.. a lot of this drive to be perfect and to be better results from the condesce's unrelenting pressure and thinly veiled resentment throughout her whole life

so yeah psii, )(ic, feferi, and sollux all live together and it's really not great for anyone involved. (meenah ran away years ago, and crashed on aranea's couch for a pretty long while—mituna moved out with latula for college before psii and the condesce got married)

it gets bad to the point of sollux staying with the maryams for two months while the adults try to sort out that absolute clusterfuck and get the divorce proceedings going (meenah finally convinces feferi to get out and come stay with her and aranea for the duration as well)

in terms of relationships i think latula and porrim were really really close in high school, and probably had some kind of unacknowledged thing going on for a while that never actually turned into anything because latula and mituna were going steady

kankri has had a crush on latula for years but never acted on it for similar reasons

meenah still carries a lot of that give no fucks attitude (it's developed moreso as a defense mechanism here) and can't understand why feferi refuses to leave the condesce with her

okay back to VANTAS MANPAIN i also think that karkat feels the weight of a lot of expectations on his shoulders as well

he feels responsible to live up to the example his dad and his brother set, even if it's to his own detriment—and kankri's oblivious rambling about his grades and his teachers and all his clubs certainly aren't helping the matter

kankri is one of those overinvolved kids taking a million AP's while simultaneously shitting on the collegeboard at every single step

hes this super overachiever anal retentive perfectionist type dude and (just as karkat preemptively criticizes others to forestall their criticisms of him only to harshly criticize himself) kankri subconsciously holds the people around him to the same expectations he holds for himself

so karkat also develops this sense of lacking which, in combination with everything else, culminates in self loathing and thinking he has to solve everyone else's problems and getting horribly mad at himself for every little mistake

GOD i have a lot more but lemme post this before i accidentally close out of the app and lose it all

more little details:

vriska's mom and terezi's mom HATE each other like HATE HATE HATE one another it's so bad

karkat wrote a ten page review of my immortal in middle school

jade is one of nepeta's best online friends

sollux can't raise one eyebrow at a time.. karkat gives him so much grief about it

the vantases eat a lot of shitty renditions of persian dishes until karkat learns to cook because literally the only person in the world with a CHANCE of getting KANKRI VANTAS to make an EDIBLE DISH is miss rosa

kanaya is really good at persian dance too but is VERY VERY embarassed to perform in front of people.. however porrim definitely is not

karkat has insomnia while kankri just stays up stupidly late for assignments that really shouldnt be taken that seriously.. but they both have the same rumination/sleep anxiety thing where your brain goes insane with horrible and depressing scenarios as you try to sleep

and more ideas that i thought were interesting but idk how to fit in the context of this au:

signless and disciple getting married pretty late in life after having been in love for years, the vantases move in with the leijons and karkat suddenly has two sisters

nepeta and karkat are both juniors at this point, meulin is probably in her third year at a local college nearby while kankri is about to start his second year at a university pretty far away

the kids in general honestly but ill figure it out

more random hcs this time with kids:

kanaya and rose get into a flame war online that gradually settles into elaborate courtship rituals

also nepeta + jade online besties

also bec can inexplicably still teleport

the first sbahj movie comes out and the next six months of dave strider junior's high school career are absolute hell

actually hc that dave senior goes by d strider professionally. the d stands for a lot of things

aradia and dave frequent a lot of the same forums but never end up really interacting

meanwhile karkat and john frequent a lot of the same forums and DEFINITELY end up interacting. this turns into grudging (at least on karkat's part) friendship after they find themselves fighting for their lives defending an objectively shitty movie together on the same thread

[themadauthorshatter]

Soooo...

STORYTIME: Funny thing happened yesterday:

For context: I have short hair. I LIKE short hair. I also like baggy clothing because I like it when stuff doesn't touch me too much and breathing. Having short hair and clothes that does not show my chest, I get confused for a boy.

My age also gets confused by others because I am very small for a 19 year old.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION!!!!

Anyway, I was at the park, because I'm autistic and swinging is my way of stimming, and I was swinging, vibing, zoning out, enjoying the mostly empty park, when these three girls came to the park.

I did not know these girls. Two of them were friends and MAYBE 13 or 14 and the third was a sister of one of the girls and was 9; that I'm sure of because the older girls said so.

So these girls are all together, playing Truth or Dare, and the 9 year old spots me and I think the older two probably saw her and dared her to call me cute.

Aside from, "Tell him. Say it. Just go tell him," I did nit know what these three were doing.

Then, suddenly, from behind me, I hear, "Hey! I THINK YOU'RE CUTE!" followed by a bunch of laughing and giggling.

Cue me continuing to swing and vibe while these threee argue about the dare not being fully completed and I'm begining to wonder if I should or shouldn't tell them that I am a girl.

Seemed right to tell them, but it seemed more fun tonpull the rug out from under them.😈

So these girls start playing in the park amd the nine year old keeps trying and failing to talk to me, and I'm just swinging this whole time, minding myself as much as I can, waiting for the nine year old or either of the other girls to talk to me, because I'm evil.

The nine year old eventually walks up to me and says, "My sister thinks you're cute. She qants your number."

Cue sudden autistic confusion from me(because I didn't bring my phone and I forgot what I was doing) and panicking from the 13 year old girls.

The nine year old runs off laughing with the older girls yelling at her.

All three girls eventually walk up to me and this exchange ensues: (Cast in M- Me, 13.1- 13 year old 1, 13.2- 13 year old 2, and 9- for the 9 year old)

13.2: "Hey, sorry about her she's on something."

9: "No I'm not!"

13.1: "Yeah, sorry. And no, I don't like you. Well, not like- I don't KNOW you, you know? My sister likes you, btw"

9: "Stop! No I don't!"

M: "Yeah. Look, I'm flattered, but you DO know I'm a girl, right?"

13.1: 😲😱🙊

13.2: 😲😱🙊

9: "I know! Yes, I know! Bye!(leaves)"

13.1: "I'm sorry! My sister is gay, or thinks she's gay."

M: (Supportive of the LGBTQ+ and just wanting this to be over so I can swing in peace) "That's... nice, but I'm also 19. I'm just really short."

13.1: 🙊

13.2: 😕

9: "Well, I'm really short too! I'm older."

13.1: "No you're not."

13.2: "Yeah, sorry about all of this."

(All three walk away and I continue swinging in peace😌.)

So yeah. Again, no odea who these three were, but my mom and I had a good laugh when we got home. Not the first time I got mistaken for a boy, but definitely the funniest.

[scrawnytreedemon]

sephiroth, hornet?

Sephiroth AND Hornet!

But yeah, I’m assuming this is about the ask meme.

Starting off with Hornet:

First impression: My dumbass when I saw her in clips of the trailer years and years ago thought she was a male rival; a stern one. As for in the game? A sharp, righteous, if rather callous opponent; someone to keep your journey in check.

Impression now: She’s hard as nails, and canonically I don’t see her as the begrudgingly-lovingly older sister we in fandom like to image as-- However, there is a solemness to her. She doesn’t love the Vessels, by any means, and I highly doubt she truly sees them as kin, but at the end of Dream No More, when she looks back at the Knight’s shattered mask, I think a small part of her aches. I feel even in a world without Hallownest’s fall, Hornet would’ve still been stern, cold, perhaps, but I doubt she’d’ve been driven to such militaristic ruthlessness. It’s tragic, really. She didn’t get a chance at a safe upbringing; with loving parents; with security. After all, she was born to save.

Favorite moment: When the Wyrm’s corpse is crumbling, and she rescues the Knight at the last moment. It’s such a potent act.

Idea for a story: Ohohooo, quite the question? Well, if I were to come up with one on the spot, one where she comes to terms with the Infection’s end, where she learns to live in a world with relative peace. Where she perhaps learns to open up a little more, let others support her, instead of standing completely on her own.

Unpopular opinion: Mmm, can’t think of any really unpopular ones. Most I can say is that while it is incredibly cute and I love it to bits, I don’t think Hornet is particularly affectionate-- Especially not toward the Vessels, whom she doesn’t even see as entirely people. I feel that Hornet is alot more emotionally constipated than assumed. Yes, she’s incredibly eloquent and expresses her thoughts with ease, but I think she struggles with truly connecting with people, due to her years of isolation growing up in a dying world where all whom she relied on either died or disappeared.

Favorite relationship: Hollow Knight doesn’t have alot of characters to ship, lmao, so I’m going with Lacenet romantically :) Love me some rivalry!

Favorite headcanon: Daughter of Three Mothers! Love that so much, man! Adds such a depth and history to Hornet; really ties her into the Kingdom she protects.

Now, getting onto Sephiroth:

First impression: Sephiroth is one of those characters that just slips into your consciousness without you knowing. Cool, strong, charismatic, mysterious, delightfully cruel-- Everything a villain could want. Oh, and very handsome~

Impression now: While Sephiroth absolutely has this cool, aloof, put-together exterior, underneath is a very messy, bleeding individual with little sense of self despite all his bravado. Born and bred in Shinra’s labs, Sephiroth was created to be the ultimate weapon. Growing up without a mother, and a barely-father who medically abused him for years on end, Sephiroth had little security. Depending on how you construe the timeline, Sephiroth was deployed to Wutai as a preeten/early teen. What few friends he had left him, and all the while he was paraded as a war hero. I would argue that when he finally snaps, it isn’t because he’s broken free and is running amok, but rather because he’s latched onto yet another, more destructive authority figure. Jenova gave him a semblence, a semblence of safety, of love. An answer for why he’s here. A purpose, a higher calling; one not owed to suit-clad presidents, cheering crowds, or the fickle affections of his peers. For all his talk of becoming a God without bounds, Sephiroth clings to others-- Hell, his revival in Advent Children was through his sheer hatred of Cloud. I could go on for much, much longer, but I think I’ll leave it here.

Favorite moment: Ohohoho, if I’m going to pick one, it’s the one just before he becomes Safer Sephiroth. Tried looking for the script to confirm this, and there’s a chance I’m remembering this wrong, but he says something along the lines of “Everything... Everything shall begin anew, with me.“ And bRO I was like like chjjkKHJHKJFFSDJ?????? Metal as fuck. Of course, if it was even there at all. But yeah, anything with religious imagery and/or themes of death and rebirth.

Idea for a story: Ooooohhhhh, honey, where does one begin? I feel like more works focusing on his dynamic with the Remnants, who are essentially his progeny, would be wonderful! Working on some myself, actually :)

Unpopular opinion: Not so unpopular nowadays, but sexgod Sephiroth doesn’t feel realistic at all lmaoo. Oh, he can be passionate! Deliciously passionate, if I may, and I feel like he’s very good at getting under your skin, but I feel like outside of anyone he truly clings to... Seph’s a bit awkward. Not in that dorky, nerdy way, but in this very deadpan, doesn’t know how to act around Normal People kind of way-- Y’feel me? If I may throw this in, too, I’m not such a big fan of his Remake facial features??? Just looks... off. AC’s my fave, so I suppose I have a soft spot for the more delicate features there.

Favorite relationship: Hah, if we’re picking ships, Sefikura. I’m a stickler for hero/villain dynamics >:) But, if I’m picking dynamics, again, him and the Remnants could have some great potential. Overall, though, I’m very flexible with this sort of thing, and have shipped Seph with all kinds of characters, in-and-outside of the Compilation. He’s a very interesting character to put in new situations.

Favorite headcanon: Goodness gracious, I have so many. For shits and giggles, the idea that he eats cleaning products as snacks is hilarious and I love it to bits. On a more personal level, and these are pretty niche as far as I’m aware, I have a soft spot for seeing him as genderfluid and autistic-- God, without any context, that has the potential to sound really, really stupid and perhaps a little offensive(???).

But yeah, I have alot of thoughts, like, so many. I could probably go on for hours about Sephiroth in particular-- Hyperfixations Are Like That, Man. This was lots of fun, thank you for asking!!!! Have a lovely day <333

[quietest-rebellion]

Do the chaos household for that character meme you coward

Me upon realizing I have to explain what that is

Basically it's the idea of my fav murder boys having to live together. This being Stefano, Eddie, and Higgs. @christmasace and I came up with this one night and it has been our main source of serotonin since.

I'm going to do the character break downs for them in the context of their original games though. So anyway, buckle in, lads, this'll be a long one. (Eddie and Higgs will be below the cut)

Stefano Valentini

How I feel about this character

Fav. Favest of favs. I would willingly die for this man in a heartbeat. His voice? Beautiful. His personality? Snarky. His art? Breath taking. The way that he has to fix his hair after getting shot with a smoke bolt? Hilarious. Me? I'm in love. Also the fact he put jokes outside of the theater is iconic. Anyway, Stefano was an appealing character from the moment I first saw him in Markiplier's playthrough. I didn't realize I'd fallen until I started crying at his death and Mark was like "I don't even feel a little bad!" Because then I was like "oh shit why am I crying" Also I believe Stefano is an undiagnosed autistic man with horrible PTSD and brain damage(obviously) and I will die on this hill. I could talk about how I feel about Stefano for pages but I won't right now.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Me. Honestly I feel like Stefano is either an asexual aromantic, who only cares about his art, or he is a raging bisexual who is extremely picky with men since he himself is such a perfect man. As for actual ships though, I feel like Stefano is attracted to Sebastian and flirts with him throughout the game. I just don't really see the idea of Sebastian flirting back. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Emily Lewis. I love the idea of them being in a relationship, official or unofficial, and then things went south and he killed her. Stefano killed a lot of people before being put into STEM, why was this one so special he had to make a series of displays representing her? I don't know, just my thoughts.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

This is gonna sound weird, but I guess Theodore? Look, I just love the idea of Stefano driving Theodore insane and making him regret ever hiring him. And like, all the memes everyone makes about it? Amazing. (A personal favorite, also the one that I made) Plus, "You are special. You've always been special." Yeah, anyway I really need to know what the other half of that conversation was. Does Obscura count? I think she does. I see Stefano and Obscura's relationship being like that of a father and daughter or of a pet and an owner. He just loves her so much and he's so snippy when Sebastian gets to the theater the first time. "You did not appreciate my beautiful Obscura's performance." I imagine if you actually chose to fight and kill her in Ch. 7 he was really upset about it. Guardian is along the same lines as Obscura but I think Obscura has a higher place in his mind. 1. Because she is a camera and takes more photos for him. 2. There is confirmed to be more than one Guardian so he probably doesn't grow overly attached to any particular one, where there is only one Obscura. 3. Stefano seems to love whatever he did most recently the most, which is fair. As an artist, it really just Be Like That.

My unpopular opinion of this character

Unpopular only in the world of the game, but his art is good.  Actual unpopular opinion? Not sure I have one, tbh.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

I say it literally all the time but I really want a prequel comic or SOMETHING to tell us more about him as character. What happened to his family? Why did he come to America? What war was he injured in?  Also the idea of him getting some dlc for the second game is still always on my mind, like, it could take place before and during the main game and it’s just us fucking around and making art and then catching Lily and fighting Sebastian. I am not gonna say that he didn’t deserve to die in canon, so really I wouldn’t change that.

Eddie Gluskin

How I feel about this character

Look... uh... I honestly am not sure how to describe my feelings for him. Because on one hand, is a misogynistic asshole who deserves literally everything that happened to him as an adult. But on the other hand, he was an abused child that grew into a hurt and sick adult. Also, when he’s not trying to kill you he is quite the gentleman.  Basically, I love this character, but I have no idea why and am slightly ashamed about it.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Literally no one. This man should not be in a relationship with any of the canon characters. I’d like to imagine an AU where he is sane and settled down with a wife and had 2.5 kids and lived together in their house with a white picket fence but that isn’t going to happen obviously.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Look, I know they never interact with each other, but Eddie and Trager. And like, not as friends really but more as weird acquaintances. They talk about surgeries and such, share a drink every now and then, complain about women, etc. 

My unpopular opinion of this character

He’s straight. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

I just wish he would’ve been sent to a place that could actually help him instead of Mt. Massive. But then he wouldn’t be in the game, lmao. ALSO, there is a lot of unused Eddie dialogue in the files for the game. I really wish that all of them would have actually been included in the game. Some gems include: “Did I...? Oh lord. I forgot to give you an anesthetic, didn’t I? Eddie, you doofus! Would forget my own head if it was screwed on!” (Timestamp 16:32) “There you go. No, no, don’t cry. You’re not dying. I’m going to make you better.” (Timestamp 10:13) 

Higgs Monaghan

How I feel about this character

Garbage boy stink man. Just a rowdy, dirty boy. Pizza rat. Like, I sometimes have a difficult time imagining that he ran a company before he was a terrorist, because he doesn’t seem like a very organized person. Higgs is so multifaceted it’s impressive. In the game we only really get to see him a this asshole who wants to end the world. In his journals we see his hunt for power and want to be important. In his bunker we see the organized chaos of how his brain worked and how he operated his life. Not to mention the Peter Englert emails that are so well written. Anyway, I love him.  Plus I’m gonna mention something my sister(Thrushheart) pointed out when I was having her watch me play. He is the exact opposite of Sam. Examples: Sam hates being touched or touching people. Higgs is touching people as often as he can, including but not limited to even licking them. Sam is reconnecting the world, at first for Amelie, then for everyone he’s met along the way. Higgs is ending the world, at first for Amelie, then for himself(or possibly still for Amelie). Higgs is loud and bombastic while Sam is more quiet and reserved. Sam is smol and Higgs is tol.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Look, I’m not gonna say that I do or do not ship Goldenbridges. I’m not sure how I feel about it because, as I said, Higgs and Sam are such contrasting personalities I don’t think it would work. Fragile. Okay, okay, I know what you’re thinking, but I imagine they were together before he met Amelie. His betrayal would mean even more if this was true. And in his journals he only ever refers to Fragile as “his partner.” Now I know this was done to hide that they were his journals and because they were work partners, but it could also mean more. And of course we can’t forget the somber and clear writing, directly over his bed in his bunker. “Fragile forget you ever met me.” And how surprised he was to see her on the beach after the fight. The sad look he gave her as she caressed his face. Aaahhhh.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

I wasn’t sure whether to include Higgs relationship with Amelie here or in the last section. But he quite literally worshiped her and the ground she walked on so  🤷🏻‍♀️  I don’t feel like she ever really gave a fuck about him though. Amelie is extremely manipulative and proves that every time she opens her mouth so I have no doubt she told him whatever he wanted to hear so that he would help her.

The Veteran Porter. If you worked hard enough to get more than one star with this guy, you learn that he used to work for Higgs and that’s why he is reluctant to trust the UCA. I like to think that he and Higgs were good buddies before Amelie.

My unpopular opinion of this character

With likable villains it’s hard to figure what is a popular opinion and what is not. So I’m really not sure. Maybe just that he didn’t get enough screen time?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

Redemption ark! Redemption ark! Higgs is the one guy on this list where I’m like, “Okay, he saw the error in his ways. Maybe he gets a second chance.”

______________________________________________________________

Anyway, that’s all of them! If you actually read this whole thing, first of all... wow. Second of all, thanks! Here is a screenshot of these chaos boys from The Sims 4 as your reward. 

[andreabandrea]

alright so I know absolutely nobody followed me for book reviews but there’s one I want to talk about called Convenience Store Woman. it’s a japanese fiction novella translated to english about a woman who’s ‘different’ from everyone else and only finds normality in working at a convenience store, which she stays at for 18 years

obviously theres cultural context that i’m missing as a westerner. proper reviewers talk about the pressure of homogenization in japan, for example-- fit in or be expelled from the group. and feel free to correct me if i’m wrong, but i feel like being on the autism spectrum gives me a perspective that i haven’t seen discussed

essentially, the main character, keiko, has always thought and acted differently and everyone wants to ‘cure’ her. she’s disconnected from her emotions and has a lot of trouble empathizing. when other students are crying about a dead bird, she thinks about how she could cook it and turn it into yakitori for her father. 

keiko also has extreme logical thinking on how to get from point A to point B; for example, as a child, she’s told to stop a schoolyard fight between two boys, which she does by whacking one of them over the head with a shovel. she’s confused why people are upset about that. a big recurring theme in the book is that everyone makes assumptions to why she acts this way and try to ‘fix’ her without actually asking her why she acts this way, or what she wants. 

a poignant line is that her own sister would rather see keiko normal and unhappy rather than abnormal and happy. 

keiko learns how to mimic others’ behavior to fit in as ‘normal’ and then she gets a job at a convenience store. they give her a manual on how to act, what to say, what to wear, and she feels like it’s the only manual that she’s ever received on how to be normal. she feels like everyone else has an implicit manual on how to be normal that she was not born with. keiko feels content and safe shedding her identity and becoming just a convenience store worker, and she still thinks of herself as a convenience store worker even during her time off. this attitude later highlighted by a foil character who’s a man that wants to escape homogenization by not working at all

a reviewer mentioned that they viewed keiko as ‘psychopathic’ for not only consistently lying about who she is (by copying others’ speech patterns and personality traits), but also still having underlying violent tendencies. in one scene, when keiko is an adult, keiko’s sister is trying to get her baby (keiko’s nephew) to calm down, and keiko looks at a knife that had been used to cut cake and thinks there’s a potential solution to quiet the baby. she doesn’t entertain the thought as if she’s actually going to do it, or that she would enjoy it, it’s just a thought she has. an intrusive thought, if you will

i know i’m approaching this book with my own lens and my own baggage, and obviously not every autistic experience is the same. all i’m saying is that the story didnt strike me as scary or uncomfortable, just the story of an autistic woman who everyone wants to cure for the sake of their own comfort, without regard to how she feels. 

[kichimiangra]

I only needed 5 minutes...

A story of my day.

I Dunno who actually wants to read this? I wouldn't even want to. But I feel like I need to vent. The last couple of weeks have been fucked... but yesterday I ruined the day... again. I've been doing that alot lately. Almost every other Saturday since August. I hope venting makes me feel better if nothing else. I'll probably delete this later because I don't like leaving a notable paper trail of this stuff that anyone can find. Nothing but trouble comes of that. When I'm on my pc I'll put this under a read more because I dunno how to do that on mobile.

-----------------------

The Holidays are almost over and I am running out of time to get done. One thing in particular, a gift, is unfortunately gone. My mom has orchestrated all of Christmas, even down to the gifts other people are getting for her... and she's not happy about it. She feels like nobody is willing to lift a finger to help her make Christmas happen. I wanted to surprise her.

She loves making soap. I'm not good at sculpture but I wanted to make a custom soap mold for her. I began with the original that would be used to make the mold. It took days upon days of trying and retrying to get it satisfactory, including one failure where my momnpoked her head in and I slammed my chin down on it so she wouldn't see, though my dad swears my mom never pokes her head into my room... but like she does???

Anyway... I finally had my original, though I think I could do better there's not much time left. I ordered a silicone mold kit and went to work... and it failed immensely. BUT there's still a little time left! I'll order another. Now THIS time was frustrating.

My mom wasn't being nosy... but literally EVERYTIME I got the stuff out to work on she would be there by sheer coincidence! Wait until she's asleep? Dad will have a coughing fit and wake her up and she'll wander out into the kitchen. Wait until she's out of the house? She never leaves. Wait until she does? She forgot something and comes home unexpectedly and I have to quickly hide my shit. She's not doing it on purpose but it gets more and more frustrating that I just can't just fucking get this done! Like... Jeebus Christmas! My dad says this doesnt happen but... it does????? And then I fuck up my second attempt. Fuck... I have less time...

But that's okay! I have enough time to order another kit! I've only spent 80$ so far with nothing to show but third times a charm!!!

Once again I just can't get the time to get this done. She's always there, or up, or poking her head in. It's almost cartoonish! But I have not time left. It has to be today.

My folks go down for an afternoon nap and I immediately get to work. I get toward the end of working, all's going well. I only need 5 minutes...

Then my dad gets up and my moms not far behind. Fuck... I can't move the mold yet... fuck. I just need 5 fucking minutes! I'm wrestling with curious cats. Fuck... My dad is useless at maybe luring my mom away. Fuck... my mom insists she needs to be in that same corner I'm working at. Fuck...! I just need five minutes!!!

Then of course disaster strikes... there's a crack or a hole in my original and silicone is leaking out! I had barely enough silicone to even make this happen! I can't afford to lose anymore! Fuck! I need to fix this! I just need 5 minutes to fix this!

I'm getting frustrated to the point I am starting to do that angry sob thing. I take it to another room now that I can move it. I just need 5 minutes to fix this! My parents follow my to the other room to find out what's wrong. Honestly my dad knows what I'm trying to do so given the context what do you thing is wrong dad? Clearly something has gone wrong with my mold. I tell him to go away cuz really I'm trying to fix this and I need to be left alone. I need five minutes to fix this... but he won't leave until I tell him what's wrong. I try to whisper it to him, the mold is leaking, I don't have enough silicone, nowhere local sells it, I can't get more in time. But his hearing has gone so he can't hear what I'm saying! He wants me to speak up but mom is just around the corner in the other room! I need him to fucking go. I'm frustrated and I tell him rudely "Just fuck off! I have to fix this!" Rude and inappropriate I know... but I just need 5 fucking minutes to fucking fix this I am sobbing at this point.

My dad leaves but of course my mom comes in next and wants to know what's wrong. I'm being very curt with her using my body to block the sight of my mess, telling her as calmly as I can, which isnt very calm, that nothings wrong, no she cant help me fix it, I'll tell her later, go back to the kitchen. I don't swear at my mother. That is important. I just need 5 minutes to fix this!

Finally the leak stops but so much silicone is on my baking tray that the mold is no longer submerged. I use a plastic spoon to get as much as I can back in the mold but it's not enough. I'm covered in silicone up to my wrist, and it's also in my hair. I put it up on a high shelf because the cats helped ruin mold #2 and sit down to mourn the loss of the only gift I had for my mom. I had no backup plans and this ones a bust.

I just need 5 minutes to calm down. I was rude to my parents and need to apologize to them, but first I need 5 minutes to just calm down and breath. Maybe I can find another gift in time? Maybe I can just wrap the original and promise in the nearish future when I can procure more silicone that she will have a mold? First I need to calm down. Then I need to apologize.

My dad comes into the room and chews me out about how rude as I was and how I need to go apologize to my mother. I hate when they do this, now when I apologize it's because I was told to, not because I took the initiative to. My folks can't comprehend I would otherwise apologize if not being told. All I wanted was 5 minutes to calm down.

I go and apologize. I am not the good guy in all of this, I am an adult. An autistic adult but an adult nonetheless, and being rude to my parents was inappropriate regardless. I didn't get my 5 minutes but off to apologize I go. "I'm sorry I lashed out guys. I was doing something, it didn't go my way, I got super frustrated and you guys were just there by coincidence. I didn't mean to lash out." I did mean what I said.

Mom didn't see it that way. My mom is very passive aggressive and honestly I get to be one of the reasons today she hates living here in this house and around us because all we do is "abuse" her physically and verbally. She hates living here and she hates being around us. I apologized again because great. Once again Kacey ruins everything. I need to stop being upset about this shit it's like every other saturday! She continues about how much she hates it here. I leave the room trying and failing not to sob.

My mom also gets up and goes to another room. Whatever she's doing is loud and she's quite verbal about it. I go back to my room, I just need 5 minutes to cry and calm down again. I still have other shit to do for Christmas too.

My mom comes by with a box and puts it on the table, with a sharpie she writes "Christmas soap fail 2020" and tells dad to take it to the basement. For context we had been making soap kits for xmas gifts. I had coworkers who got me gifts. I was dissuaded from buying them much in return because we were makin by the soap gift bags. Those where the soaps... I have nothing in return to give my coworkers. I don't have enough time... all the while my mom is still going off. Later my dad says it wasn't all my fault, he had done something to upset her earlier in the day, then my older sister, I was just the straw that broke the camels back. But honestly in this family it's whatever baby wants; baby gets." And what baby wants is to be mad at me.

I go upstairs and hide in my brother's room. Surprisingly despite the fact that my mom acts like he is one of the only people who care about her and defend her, he was the first one to tell me "Fuck her. If she wasn't going to be mad at you it was going to be something else. Now watch me play Aladdin on Sega genesis!"

After a while my younger sister came over to do her laundry. I began to quietly tell her what the flippity floop she walked in on. In the middle my mom came out and started chewy us out. Y'know, don't let her interrupt us from talking privately amongst ourselves about how much of a bitch she is. Her words not mine. And to be fair I was telling my sister about how I lashed out and caused this. But my mom doesn't like when we sibs talk privately, though she also doesn't like if we overhear what her and my dad talk about privately. Double standards I know.

I thought maybe if I explained what was up maybe she'd understand? So I out myself. I was trying to make her a surprise gift. She orchestrated ALL of Christmas and I just wanted to surprise her. Everything started going wrong and I was getting frustrated because she woke up and entered the room at an AWFUL time and I couldn't get me and my wip gift away from her seeing which made everything worse. Now one thing to know about my mom, explaining oneself is equated to excusing your behavior... and she does not tolerate that. She chews me out more. I'm sobbing again.she insists I told her to fuck of and get away from me... even though I did NOT curse at my mom... at all. I was rude but I did NOT say that! I repeat that I had just wanted to surprise her. She tells me about how unsurprised she is that this is how her day ends. She tells me that she doesn't want whatever trinket I was making for her because now it's tied up in the baggage of having apparently told her to fuck off and get away from me, that she doesn't want another in a long line of ass-kissy gifts because that makes being rude to her okay. It wasn't an ass kissy gift in response to being rude to her... it was a custom made Christmas gift for her... because I thought she'd be surprised? Because I thought it'd make her happy? Though I guess it doesn't matter... she doesn't want it anymore. She doesn't care what it was. Now it is a bad reminder of me treating her like everyone in her whole life has except specifically people who are dead. I have ruined quite a few things.

Honestly... I love my mom. I love her so much and I wish she could be happy. I want to do things to make her happy. But when she tells me that I am just one of the things that make her wanna run away to another state and tell no ody where she went and love alone... I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I wish I was dead.

I am a 29 year old autistic woman. I feel like a failure at growing up. I have stressed part of my colon into not working anymore. I still live at home with my parents and work in a minimum wage fast food job. I have few friends and I speak to them infrequently, but if you are at a place where I call you friend... we could not talk for 10 years and your still my friend until officially broken up. I surround myself with animals and I play with a digimon tamagotchi. My sisters have grown up jobs and drive and live in an apartment away from home and I feel like a failure because I missed all these adulting milestones. I feel CONSTANTLY guilty about everything. I feel like I can't say "hey let's do a shark mermaid themed charity zine and all the proceeds can go to buying preservatives for Rosie the dead great white shark!!!" Without the guilt at the mere idea that someone will tell me "Wow... you care more about a dead shark than say... real living people? You know there's no water in Flint right???" Without feeling guilty that... yes? I like a dead shark more than living people? I don't like people? Also shark is cool? I feel guilty that if I call a day off work SOMEONE ELSE has to be inconvenienced to work my shift. I feel guilty playing World of Warcraft because I'm accused of "Chasing a time I view as better" instead of growing up and moving on. I feel guilty about wanting to ask for someone else's time because they too have shit to do. I feel guilty about so many things...

And I feel guilty when my mom says I'm just another abuser in her life. Her fuse is so short it takes almost nothing to set her off. You have to be calm and happy all the time or she has to "walk on eggshells because anything she does can set US off!"

When my mom is mad at me like that... I hate myself. I have some dark thoughts on a normal day but when she's mad at me in this specific way... I wish I could just unexist. Or go to sleep and just not wake up. I can always logic my way away from the dark thoughts... but they're there nonetheless. And when I'm one of the things that makes my mom want to run away? Then I just wish I was dead really. Or just unalive. Not since I was 14 at least. I don't want to die. Just cease to be. I don't know if that counts as being suicidal but I'll tag for it anyway.

I don't normally talk about this shit with people. I don't wanna look like I'm crying out for attention or help or pity. I don't talk to my folks about it because there's never a good time. When I try to hint it's not taken seriously, and when things aren't bad I don't feel as bad. Keeping quite hasn't made me feel better so maybe just typing this out and being heard will make me feel even slightly better? Like a diary entry.

There's more to the morbs in my life but for now I leave it as this. It's 7am, I am in bed and have dried silicone in my hair and under my nailes, and I have work today. Who knows, maybe it'll all blow over like it never happenned like the bipolar way things go in my family sometimes. Maybe I'll get out of work and my folks will be happily dancing in the livingroom to sugar pie honeybunch like teenagers in love and I will be the only one stressed about it.

Don't take this post at face value. This is only my side. The human brain is flawed and the human ego will remake memories to protect itself. I normally turn to siblings who where there at the time to tell me if what I think happenned really happenned that way.... but I've also been informed that my siblings don't want to deal with me, and don't have the balls to call me out on my bullshit so will tell me whatever I want to hear, so really... I don't even trust that my recount of events even happenned that way.

Maybe I'll continue the story in another post?

And now

I go to bed. Goodnight. I am a tired bitch. I probably only just need 5 minutes to fall asleep.

P.s. I'm sorry if you read all that. It's a bummer. I know. I'll hide it under a read more when I'm on pc.

[malandi]

Self insert in interests time ^__^ I wrote about me and my siblings (mp100 fans gang) when we were at 14 years old and ranked which of the kids we'd be closest to and why! It's so interesting and fun to do this. I encourage u guys to try it out.

Results without analysis are:

Me: 1) Shou 2) Tome = Teru 3) Mob 4) Tsubomi 5) Ritsu

For context I was an autistic kid who got grouped with the pretty dancer girls regularly slutshamed by nuns who ran our school

My little sister: 1) Ritsu 2) Shou 3) Tsubomi 4) Mob 5) Tome 6) Teru

For context she's an overachiever and student leader, artist and athlete (undisputed arm wrestling champ, has abs). She fucking hates everyone but is fake about it. She's very petty and is out for blood regularly

My older sibling: 1) Mob 2) Ritsu 3) Tsubomi, Shou 4) Teru 5) Tome

For context they also hate everyone but they don't try to hide it. Judgmental and mean for fun. Well known for artistic skills and attractive face. Loner by choice. People are very scared of them and they enjoy that

Me at 14 y/o

Childlike. I had a slow maturity

Socially unaware, had difficulty reading social cues and realizing high school popularity politics

Friends with everyone because I didn't judge anyone

Tactless which is a double edged sword. I praised people as easily as I insulted them. Both of those were unintentional

default friend group: pretty dancer girls who nuns hated and thought of as dumb whores destined to be tumors in society

My friendship rankings:

Shou - most of my closest friends were the mature, responsible types who were very proactive. Yes athletic too (they play diff sports tho) but that's irrelevant. By "proactive" I mean they were always making plans and carrying them out. We went on a hunt for the best cheesecake in our town, for example. I felt closest to them because they treated me like an equal despite being slower than most of our peers. They listened to what I had to say even if I didn't make sense most of the time. THEYRE AWESOME! I LOVE YOU *** AND **** AND *** AND THE REST OF YOU❗❗

Tome = Teru - I always love and appreciate people who speak their minds. I struggled a lot with reading social cues. I still do but it was like hell when I was a kid, it drove me to tears. Tome and Teru being an open book would make me feel so comfortable with them. Since I'm as honest and tactless as they are I think we'll get along. We also have similar interests! Tome and I like games. Teru also has self-absorbed tendencies lol and I enjoy it when people like themselves so I'd have fun hyping him up when he does that.

Mob - I would feel very comfortable with Mob because of his maturity and kindness but I had insecurity when I was 14 and I would feel too dumb to spend time with him. He'd be someone I admired from afar. If we're talking about present me however, Mob would definitely be number one! Except I don't really hang out with kids which is why I aged myself down to 14 for this list.

Tsubomi - She'd be the one I spend the most time with since I was in the popular girls clique. I loved my friends very much and they took care of me. But I didn't feel like their equal. They were mature, talking about adult and scary occult stuff, so I always felt left behind. I would love Tsubomi too but I wouldn't feel comfortable with her, I'd feel like I'm too immature to keep her company.

Ritsu - Next to Tsubomi, he's the one I'd spend the most time with since I was always doing student leader responsibilities because my friends won't stop fucking voting for me! I had a civil and friendly relationship with the other student leaders but we always returned to our respective friend groups after our duties. I wouldn't be able to sense his fakeness so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable with him but he wouldn't cross my mind either.

My little sister at 14 y/o

One of the physically strongest in her batch (undisputed arm wrestling champion, volleyball spike of death)

Fake as fuck. Hates nearly everyone in her school but gets along with them to make life easier

Overachiever. Always on the honor roll as well as being artistic, athletic and a student leader. Loves every second of it

Petty. Eats jealous schoolmates for breakfast. Never forgets when someone wrongs her. Always out for blood

No such thing as freeloaders when you're in her group.

Lots of boys have crushes on her. Has them all ignored on messenger

Her friendship ranking:

Ritsu - She might relate more to Tsubomi but Tsubomi doesn't have the appropriate amount of bitterness and rage that would entice her. She would love to hang out with a fellow overachiever who is fake and hates everyone. Her need for trashtalking is insatiable. It would also do good for Ritsu to let off some steam by venting to her.

Shou - She'd fucking love Shou. Aside from their very similar interests, she always itches for competition as long as its respectful. She also appreciates people who don't hesitate like she does. When her peers act too pussy (her words) it just annoys her. She'd prefer the type of people who can make up their minds. She appreciates more people who flat out reject her invites instead of dancing around a decision for a week. Only problem is if Shou acts too clingy to her, she'd block his ass. Him being clingy is understandable bc of his fucked up childhood but also my little sister is also a kid who values her boundaries.

Tsubomi - my sister won't like how nice Tsubomi is but she'd respect it. Probably. She would definitely encourage her to go batshit. She's also down to bully relentless admirers for her. They have a lot in common so my sister would understand her situation better than most people and would try to help her out but only as much as tsubomi would let her.

Mob - She'd like mob a lot because he's genuine. She has a classmate she's very fond of who is very much like mob before he matured. She's always encouraging and supporting that kid. When she was president she rallied for the kid to be vice president and when he won, he took his position way too seriously which delighted her. She really likes humble, genuine people but i dont see her relying on him for anything which is why I don't think they'd be very close.

Tome - Tome is a slacker so she won't even register on my sister's social circle. If they became groupmates and Tome slacked off, they'd fucking fight for sure. But Tome still gets point for respect since she's strong-willed and speaks her mind.

Teru - honestly my sister is a judgmental bitch and if she sees how flashy and egoistic teru is she'd avoid him like the plague. When she gets to know him she'd be proven wrong of course but she doesn't really make an effort to get close to people she wasn't already close with since she met them

My older sibling at 14 y/o

Very mature and wise, very artistic, well-known for their talents

Also fucking hates everyone but doesn't try to hide it

Judgmental and mean for fun

Popular girls were scared shitless of them. Idk wtf they did

Ton of people crushed on them but were too scared to make a move. Sometimes I'd let them know and they'd only smirk

There was legitimately no one in middle school they liked. Up until high school and college too except for their girlfriend

Their friendship ranking:

Mob - no question. They like quiet and sincerity.

Ritsu - same reason as my little sister. He's quiet too which is a bonus

Shou, tsubomi - they'd have no opinion on them

Teru - they'd probably bully him ngl

Tome - they hate loud people

They honestly don't think of people unless it's too judge them so it's very short.

[almaasi]

I wanna watch Star trek but I don't know where to start! Is there a series that's most popular? Do I have to watch them in order?

OOH YES. it’s all on netflix so watching it is EASY PEASY

i’ll tell you about each of them, personal opinions included.

so!

there’s “star trek”, the original series, made in the 1960s, which is what my mama grew up watching. this is the one with kirk and spock and uhura etc. this is the fandom that kickstarted Fandom. it’s perhaps worth watching for the historical revolution aspect. i haven’t seen more than few episodes here and there (i found its pacing slow these days, yet adored the ones i saw as a kid, and would rewatch them over and over). you could watch “the trouble with tribbles” as a stand-alone. it’s 10/10 and hilarious. i intend to get back to watching the rest sometime. i’ve enjoyed this series mostly through tumblr gifsets and fanart. as far as i can tell, not watching all of it doesn’t really affect the watching of the rest… because…

imo, the 90s era of star trek shows were the best (the next generation, deep space nine, voyager…. and enterprise, which i haven’t seen yet). they’re mostly weird, cheerful, and upbeat. tng comes first, which gives some context to ds9, but besides a few crossover characters and storylines, you could watch either without the other. voyager occasionally has characters from the others but it’s pretty stand-alone (you could definitely watch this one with zero context).

show concepts (of the ones i’ve watched, sorry enterprise):

the next generation (tng): utopian adventure looking at space!! people trying to be perfect and being like ooooh aliens. ooh planets. this is the basic 90s trek. some bad stuff happens, but not a lot. mostly wacky spaceship antics/intrigue and people trying to do their jobs even when space shit hits the space fan. (season 6 of tng runs parallel with season 1 of ds9, and there’s one ds9/tng crossover episode in tng. the character of worf is developed here and is later introduced to ds9.) definitely a good one to start with!

deep space nine (ds9): everyone lives on a broken space station. this show is the edgy goth cousin, but the one with the heart and soul that i am so freaking in love with right now. my favourite star trek by far. the characters have SO MUCH DEPTH and i swear they’re all queer or autistic or both. this one gets plot-heavy as it goes on, but it maintains its underlying warmth and still has those ridiculous fun episodes that make everything okay again for 45 minutes. i love the characters so muh-hu-huuuch and the FOUND FAMILY vibe is literally out of this world. there’s only maybe 3 episodes out of 176 that i didn’t like, and they’re all one-off-romance episodes that squick me for personal reasons (compulsory heterosexuality, ableism?? ew ew ew, scrubbed forever from my personal canon). overall the writing is phenomenal. like maybe one of the consistently best-written shows i’ve ever seen, including modern stuff. plus i found another otp (garak/bashir) and that’s undoubtedly a big part of why i love this show so much. i am deeply compelled by character relationships, and this one has oodles of exactly that. you can ship anyone with anyone else and you’d be right.

voyager (voy): just a bunch of nerds tryna get home for 7 years straight. a lot of funky weirdness happens along the way. this is my second favourite after ds9. found family, but in a more professional way than ds9. i dunno if it’s just my opinion formed after not seeing this show for a few years, but i remember the writing of this one seemed kinda all over the place. always fun though, maybe because of its changeability. lady boss captain, hell yeah. (season 2 of ds9 runs parallel with season 1 of voy.)

then…

well, there’s the new shows, discovery (dsc) and picard (pic)

and i haven’t watched picard yet, but i’m getting the impression it has a similar vibe as discovery, and i just……. don’t like it. discovery is dark, violent, emotionally harrowing, and i guess there’s a time and place and audience for that, but it’s not me, or any time i want to watch something. it’s supposed to be ~reflecting the modern zeitgeist~ or whatever, but imo in these trying times i’d rather watch something soft and hopeful that makes me think about how to improve things, rather than something that hits a little too close to home and makes me think about oh god where are we headed if this keeps happening. i mean, it’s still going for the “help humanity improve” schtick of the 90s shows, but in a very different way.

and then there’s the modern jj abrams movies…….. eh, i guess they’re okay. lens flare and explosions, man. give me seven-season arcs with hundreds of ridiculous plot concepts any day.

tl;dr:

i conferred with my sister, and she gave some very good advice: start with tng, and if that doesn’t vibe with you, try voyager, and then ds9, since it’s good to get the context of how star trek deals with morality before ds9 knocks the entire concept on its ass.

but no, you don’t have to watch the series(es?) in the order they were made. background world-building storylines would make more sense if you did, but each show is generally unrelated. my family even found it kinda rewarding to watch them out of order (tng, voy, ds9) and piece together plot threads laid down in other shows.

but you can just pick one and go. c:

–

sister (@sweetdreamspootypie) adds which question each show attempts to ask and answer:

tng: how can we grow into the best of humanity? / what does it look like to be the best of humanity?

voy: what will we give up to stick to our principles?

dsc: what principles will we give up to stay alive?

ds9: capitalism, war, religion, diversity, real people just tryna live, leaning into the grey morality of Being Good. this isn’t a question. “how dare you infect me with morals!!”

[system-of-a-feather]

5,15 & 20 for the ask meme?

5. How many people know that you’re a system?

Quite a few at this point actually. I’ve kind of taken to being open about being a system so like, my mom and oldest sister know (my dad and middle don’t because they aren’t safe / worth it to tell). My fiance, his mom, and I think by extension his dad know. Four close friends know. I think I mentioned it to four or five of my college friends that I hang out with when we are in the same town. My therapist and the three or four psychiatrists and two doctors I’ve been to since I was diagnosed. I also told some of my mental health organizations that I try to be part of and a few Psych professors for context to some discussions so like... probably more than I’m willing to count. I don’t go around telling everyone, but if I consider someone I hope to be good friends with / hang out regularly, if it is important to a conversation / medical history I usually tell them.

To be honest I’ve dealt with some people deciding to ghost me / shun me / avoid me once I tell them my diagnosis because of the stigma, so I typically am pretty up front with friends at this point so that if they are going to be the type that are not going to give me a chance due to preconceived ideas and stigma on a disorder I can’t change, then they can get out of my life early. 

15. Have your headmates got any disorders or disabilities that you don’t have or vice versa?

Kind of? Maybe? Our therapist hasn’t been ever too clear with the diagnosises of specific alters, but Ray has / had notable anger issues, Aderis was being considered for having BPD, and Lucille used to have autistic traits - though I strongly doubt this system would be considered autistic as much as it is likely what our first therapist (who specialized in autism) stated was the alternative if we didn’t have it which was that “we grew up in an environment where two of the people we interacted with the most were autistic and learned a lot of behavioral and personality traits that would be seen in someone with autism”.

Beyond that though, most of the differences are more of “who has MORE experiences with XYZ” because we all have OCD, Trichotillomania, GAD, and some stomach issues that have yet to be diagnosed though the intensity varies between parts. I’d probably say myself and an alter we don’t talk about on here have OCD the worst by far in the system where it is mild in others.

I also individually dissociate way harder than the rest of the system as I specifically have dissociative disorders within my dissociative disorder XD Cause while it rarely / doesn’t happen for others in the system, I do experience dissociative fugue, amnesia, and occasionally severe derealization / depersonalization without switching. 

20. Who’s your newest alter?

“Newest” is hard to define and really hard to understand cause you gotta consider dormancy and if being an undefined fragment counts and then trying to figure out where all that lines up - but to make things simple - if newest means “newest to come to awareness and work with the system and form a more solid identity” then that would maybe probably be Jii? Either Jii or another alter we don’t talk about on this blog XD

Currently I would think of it to be Jii though. They’ve been around as a floating blob of a fragment until recently where due to a mix of trauma processing and stuff they’ve rooted down more firmly and been working more into the system.

Theoretically they’ve been around for like... four to six years, but formally to our awareness and to having a more established presence and existence, they’ve been around for like... maybe a month? Time is hard to judge XD

-Riku (Host)

[waitineedaname]

For the ask game: Jon, Martin, Mordred, and/or Jonny D'ville?? (sorry thats a lot of characters GHDSKJFHDS)

dfjlskj that is a lot but I’ll do all of them!! under the cut bc it’ll be long

Jon

Sexuality Headcanon: CANON BI/PANROMANTIC ASEXUAL BABEY!!!! I also like demiromantic Jon because I can’t stop rubbing my grubby little aro hands all over everything

Gender Headcanon: nonbinary!! He doesn’t think about gender much but when he does, it’s just a series of question marks. I may be projecting my own gender issues onto him, but I feel like he probably goes about his day not really thinking about his gender and he presents in whatever way makes him comfortable, but the moment he is Perceived The Wrong Way he’s like ah. I would like to be consumed by the earth now.

A ship I have with said character: you already KNOW. Jonmartin Good. I love them so much. they deserve good things. I’m also fond of Jon/Georgie in a pre-canon context because I think they’re sweet but what I love even more is “couple who broke up but are still friends”

A BROTP I have with said character: SEASON ONE ARCHIVAL ASSISTANTS. I miss them so bad. Also Georgie and Daisy, and tbh I wish he’d gotten more of a chance to actually befriend Melanie because their bickering was amusing. I Just Want Him To Have Friends

A NOTP I have with said character: any of the gross ones, like Jon/Elias or Jon/Peter. pls don’t ship him with his awful old bosses.

A random headcanon: this bad boy can fit so much neurodivergency in him! I tend to go with autistic Jon bc I just Like It.

General Opinion over said character: he’s doing his BEST and I LOVE HIM. I will Not shut up about the character arcs in this show and his is FASCINATING as he becomes more of a monster while also becoming kinder to the people around him and ahh it’s so interesting

Martin

Sexuality Headcanon: gay! I could also be persuaded of gray-aro Martin if you catch me in a “everyone is arospec” mood

Gender Headcanon: trans man!! I love how popular this headcanon is holy shit

A ship I have with said character: jonmartin!!!!! ah!!!! pining FOOLS

A BROTP I have with said character: ALSO the s1 archival staff!! I just want the four of them to get into minor shenanigans and have board game nights and gossip!! is that too much to ask!!

A NOTP I have with said character: again, pls no awful old men. Martin/Elias and Martin/Peter are a big No Thanks from me

A random headcanon: in an “apocalypse didn’t happen” scenario, he goes back to school to complete his education and actually pursues his interests as opposed to just trying to get by. I think he goes into English, and he and Jon make up the same bickering English major duo that my roommate and I do, where one is really into the Old As Fuck Literature and Shakespeare (me and Jon), while the other is into the Romantics and modern literature and poetry (my roommate and Martin)

General Opinion over said character: I CARE HIM..... when people were first trying to get me into tma, everyone told me “you’ll love Martin, he’s exactly your type of character” and you know what? THEY WERE RIGHT. “sweetheart with good intentions but also a lot of anxiety that can be kind of bitchy but everyone kind of brushes it off” is somehow a character trope my faves keep falling into

Mordred

Sexuality Headcanon: hmm I haven’t really thought of one for Mordred!! I’m gonna say aroace because I can do what I want

Gender Headcanon: CANON TRANS MAN BABEY!!!

A ship I have with said character: considering the only other characters in the album are his dad, his dad’s wife, his dad’s husband, a dude who in Arthurian canon was both his cousin and half-brother (gross), and a crazed preacher, I’m going to say this doesn’t apply sdlkfjlksdjf

A BROTP I have with said character: I think he should hang out with Guinevere and Lancelot!! I don’t know if either of them are his birth parents but they’re still sort of his parents and I think they should get along

A NOTP I have with said character: see above sldjfklsdjf

A random headcanon: I think he probably tried a million different ways to subtly convince Arthur he was his son, and just about everyone figured it out except Arthur. this would be even funnier if he Looked A Lot Like Arthur and he still didn’t figure it out

General Opinion over said character: I can’t BELIEVE High Noon Over Camelot took this absolute Bastard, awful awful incest child whose primary goal is to Cause Problems On Purpose, and then made a version of him that I love dearly and made me cry. @ the Mechanisms, how do you do it. He just wanted peace and I respect him

Jonny D’Ville

Sexuality Headcanon: I have now decided on a whim that Jonny D’Ville is aroace. or maybe pan ace. I don’t know irl Jonny’s sexuality, but I’ve decided his characters are not allowed to fuck.

Gender Headcanon: bastard idk I haven’t really thought about it much! probably cis, though tbh I feel like if you’re immortal and chaotic, gender ceases to hold much meaning

A ship I have with said character: not to be a homestuck, but I think pitch Jonny and Tim would be hilarious. can you imagine a kismesissitude where you can kill each other with no repercussions. good lord.

A BROTP I have with said character: allll of the Mechs? I specifically enjoy him and Nastya being Kind Of Like Siblings, and I like his dynamic with Ashes and Tim bc I feel like the three of them are the ones who are best equipped to deal with his bullshit

A NOTP I have with said character: I don’t think I have one? Nastya I guess, considering she’s a lesbian and I like thinking of her being an adopted sister to him

A random headcanon: Jonny D’Ville would HATE Jon D’Archivist. all Jon’s anxiety about morals would be exhausting to him and Jonny would just shoot him as a scientific experiment to see How Immortal Is The Archivist

General Opinion over said character: bastard. awful little man. I love him so much, he’s so entertaining