#for Eddie and of a parent for Chris) running away will break him more but healing comes in the aftermath

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Eddie’s arc gonna be so so so good this season

The Chris stuff is going to hurt so bad and break me but healing is coming for them both and I’m expecting a Chris-tmas episode reunion of father and son

[exhuastedpigeon]

There's something so fucking special about how seriously Buck and Eddie have taken having each other's backs over the years. That could have been a throwaway line from 2x01 and instead it's become the foundation for their relationship. It's become so fundamental to who they are as people they it's just a natural state of being.

We've seen it time and time again and every time I see it again it makes me warm all over. These two men are there for each other during the good times, sure, but they're also there during the bad times. They let each other see the mess under the facade and that's so fucking stunning.

They're allowed to break around the other because they know someone has their back. The only real fight they've gotten into was about Eddie not being able to reach out to Buck. It wasn't about something one of them did to the other, it was about the absence of the other.

Of course Eddie trusts Buck with Chris's life - he trusts Buck with anything. Of course Buck comes running when Eddie is having a breakdown - there's no where else he wants to be more than having Eddie's back.

Every season we see it again and again. If there's anger at one of their choices, that anger quickly fades to worry and a desire to understand each other.

Eddie wasn't a part of the cheer up Buck parade in s6 because he knew Buck didn't need that and he was waiting when Buck was ready to talk. And when Buck showed up at Eddie's house, Eddie wasn't surprised, he knew it would happen eventually. And he didn't push, he just asked if he was allowed to ask how Buck is and Buck finally opened up.

Buck went directly to Eddie when he met Kim because he was worried about Eddie and Eddie told him right away about what was going on. Buck wasn't mad, he was concerned. "I'm worried about you" followed by Eddie admitted he's worried about himself too. Something he was finally allowed to say out loud because Buck was there and Buck offers no judgement, just support.

Seeing those stills of Buck at the Diaz house, of Buck in the same room as the Diaz parents is making me a little bit insane. He's going to keep having Eddie's back because that's what they do. They love each other and support each other and hold each other up when they know the other is going to collapse.

[megalony]

They're Joined

This is an Eddie Diaz imagine, requested by Anon, thank you for this I love writing dramatic, angst pieces. I hope you like it.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem@butlegendsneverdie@langdonzvoid@jennyggggrrr@rogmeddows@radiob-l-a-hblah@rogertaylorsbitontheside@chlobo6@rogertaylors-lipgloss@sj-thefanthefan@omgitsearly@luckytrashgooprebel@scarsout@deaky-with-a-c@killer-queen-ofrhye@bluutac@vousmemanqueez-blog@jonesyaddiction@milanosaurus@httpfandxms@saint-hardy@7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls@mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me  @hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@noonenuts@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe

911 Masterlist

Summary: After a day trip, the Diaz family are on their way home when they get caught up in a crash. The 118 work to get them out when their lives are in danger.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A soft smile lit up (Y/n)'s face as she slowly turned in her seat to look behind her in the back of the car. Her gaze fell on her son and she smiled brighter as she watched him for a few moments.

He was in his carseat, biting down on his thumb and rocking his head and chest back and forth, lightly bashing into the seat. He had a big smile morphed around his thumb and his legs were swinging back and forth, catching his shoes on her seat but she didn't mind. He was ecstatic.

It had been a long time since Chris had visited a zoo and the hour and a half drive had been more than worth it to see his face light up. He had zoomed around on his crutches, never tiring even though he had been walking about for hours. Every so often Eddie had picked him up and sat him on his shoulders to give him a break or let him get a better view of the animals.

His favourite had been the penguins, which was why he had a stuffed penguin toy tucked under his arm, pinned against his chest. (Y/n) had worried they wouldn't be able to get him to leave the zoo but he had been hungry and the promise of a takeaway for tea was enough to get him back in the car.

He had been stimming for the last hour.

Every now and then a squeal would break through over the noise of the radio or Chris would push back in his seat and rock so much the carseat started to creak and bash. But his parents were used to it and his happy stimming like this always made them smile.

(Y/n) slowly turned back round and shuffled down in her seat, relieved they were only twenty minutes away from home now. It had been a long day and she wanted to get out of the car and get something to eat.

Just when she reached her hand over to hold Eddie's thigh, her eyes widened and her lips parted silently. She caught Eddie's eye, noticing his raised brows and he tilted his head to look in the rear view mirror. Chris was doing echolalia.

"Then we were running and I ran-"

(Y/n) couldn't make out the rest of what Chris was saying, each word was said faster and faster until he was messing up his pronouncing and mashing the words together. His voice got higher as he continued to repeat a few random, unrelated phrases he had heard until he stopped himself and screamed excitedly.

It wasn't very often that Chris would do his echolalia during the day, it mostly happened at night when he was trying to fall asleep. It was a condition where Chris would repeat words and phrases he had heard, some of them recent and some of them could have been from months ago. He didn't understand what he was saying, it was just his brain processing and repeating and it usually happened at night when he was excited and winding down to sleep.

They had heard him say a lot of random things over the years and it was surprising how Chris could talk in full sentences when he was doing his echolalia. But then when he was talking properly to them or at school, he didn't always use enough words or use adjectives or connecting words. He was a lot slower at talking when he was engaged in conversation whereas like this, he talked so fast even he couldn't work out what he was saying.

Eddie had started to watch what he said around his son after hearing him one night repeat 'he ran into the fucking fire' followed by a loud giggle. It was surprising what Chris could hear and remember.

"Someone's happy,"

"He won't be sleeping tonight," Eddie reached down for (Y/n)'s hand that was on his thigh and raised the back of her hand to his lips. They knew this would be a possibility when they decided on a day trip out but it was worth it to have Chris so happy and elated like this.

"Yeah but we already knew that."

The next scream that Chris let out, (Y/n) and Eddie joined in too; but for a completely different reason.

***

Something burned in Chimney's stomach and ignited deep in his chest, causing his steps to falter when he got closer to the crash site. He could feel his breaths getting clogged up in his throat and the med bag on his shoulder started to slip when his shoulders sagged down and his feet went from running to a floppy shuffle.

He knew that truck, he had seen it hundreds of times in the car park behind the station.

He moved his hand to grab the med bag that was almost falling to the floor and he picked his feet up. Shuffling awkwardly through the mess of cars that had slammed on their brakes and spun to a stop to avoid the pile up in front of them.

"Oh fuck," Tears were already welling up in his eyes without seeing the damage or commotion that was happening inside the truck.

That was Eddie's truck.

There wasn't a lot of space around the truck, it was banged up pretty good. The passenger side was slammed up into the concrete barrier separating both sides of the motorway and there was another car wedged up at the back of the driver's side. There was only a small angle of room where Chimney would be able to open the driver's door and try to get in and help. They couldn't even pull the truck forward because another car was rammed into the engine that was smoking and making a clicking, whirling noise that didn't sound good.

He dropped the bag to the floor and yanked on the door handle until it swung open and slammed into the empty car next to it. There was just enough space for Chimney to climb up onto the small step and lean inside the truck to see what was going on.

He didn't like what he saw.

Eddie was in the driver's seat, slumped forward onto the steering wheel with his left arm bent around the wheel and his right arm stretched out towards the passenger seat.

Reaching down, Chimney pressed a finger to his neck, relieved to feel a strong pulse and hear his deep breaths.

"Alright Eddie, help's here." He pushed himself higher on the step to try and see over Eddie's back towards the passenger seat. "(Y/n), can you hear me?" A groan from Eddie was the only response he got.

He could barely see (Y/n), she was slumped against the door, her hair fanned across her face hiding her from sight but Chimney could see glass littering her body. The window had broken as had the windscreen. She was slightly hunched over and if the seatbelt wasn't bound around her, Chimney could see she would have fallen down into the footwell.

"Christopher? Hey, you with me?"

Chris wasn't responsive either. He had his glasses slung around his neck, his chin pressed down into his chest with his head slumped forward and his arms crossed loosely over his chest and a teddy slumped between his legs.

Oh dear.

"Attention, I need a lot of backup over the East side of the pile up to the black Ford truck. Guys, it's Eddie. Repeat, Eddie and family are trapped unresponsive in the truck. Bring the saw."

He would need a lot of help getting all three of them out of here and he needed the metal saw or cutters or something like the winch to get enough room to get them all out. If they had spinal injuries, they might have to hoist them through the windscreen.

When another groan left Eddie's lips, Chimney could have cried in happiness, it would be more helpful to have Eddie awake and able to tell them what hurt and see if he had internal damage. But if he was awake and his family wasn't, it was also going to make the situation a lot harder for everyone.

"Eddie, it's Chim. Take it easy, I'm gonna ease you back and check you over, the team's all here to get you out."

He braced his hand on Eddie's chest and held the back of his neck before he slowly helped him sit back up in his seat. It would be easier to assess and talk to him if he was upright instead of slumped over like that.

Eddie started to blink and he twitched his head away when he felt unfamiliar hands on his neck trying to assess whether he had any spinal damage or nerve damage. He didn't. He could feel his legs, he could wiggle his toes in his shoes if he wanted to and every part of his body was on fire but he was waking up and that was good. His vision blurred for a while and he jerked his arm when he felt Chimney pressing on his chest that felt like it was tight and aching.

"Can you move your toes for me Eddie?"

"Yeah," It hurt like Hell, but he tapped his feet up and down against the pedals as he felt Chimney turn the engine off for safety.

"Eddie!"

"W-where the fuck am I?" He shook his head but it only made the unbalanced feeling get worse and turned the world on its axis. He could hear Buck calling out for him over the dull ringing in his ears.

"You're in the car, you've had a collision but we're gonna get you out, just hang tight." Chimney patted his shoulder before he jumped down and leaned over to talk to Bobby. "I can't get to (Y/n), she's unresponsive and Chris doesn't look too bad but he's unconscious in the back. Eddie's waking up,"

"Alright, Hen break the back window and get Chris checked out. Buck switch with Chim to get Eddie out and Chim, you and me will get on the engine and check (Y/n) through the windscreen. Go."

The truck was rammed in at all angles, the only way to get in the back would be to break the boot window and climb over to get Chris checked over. If he had no spinal or nerve injuries it would be a lot easier to get him out they could break the back window and ease him through that way. Eddie could get through the small opening in his door and wait near an ambulance if they could get him that far.

And for (Y/n), they were going to have to climb onto the truck and go through the already broken windscreen.

As soon as Eddie's horrendous roar emmited through their ears, Chimney moved and Buck hopped between the cars to get to the door and see what was going on.

"Eddie, hey it's Buck it's me! Let's get you out of here and I can help (Y/n), come on-"

"No!"

"Eddie I have to-"

"I can't- I c- Fuck!" Tears spilled down Eddie's face and he slammed his head back into the headrest and pummeled his left fist into the dashboard beside the steering wheel. He let his aching head flop to the right to look at his wife but when he heard the engine groaning from the team climbing up, his eyes shot up to look at Bobby. "Don't touch her!" His elbow flew into Buck to get him off before he reached up and held his arm out towards them.

"We need to check her over-"

"We're stuck!"

"Cap, they um… they're joined." Chimney crouched on his hands and knees as he leaned his head through the windscreen, being careful of the broken glass but he could see why Eddie was suddenly panicking.

In the struggle, Eddie had reached his arm out to try and help pin (Y/n) back in her seat so she didn't get whiplash or fly onto the dashboard. When metal chunks went flying through the windscreen, a long, thin shard of metal punctured through the middle of Eddie's hand and went into (Y/n)'s lower chest. They were pierced together, the team couldn't move Eddie without moving (Y/n) at the same time.

They were pinned.

"I'm gonna take a look I won't move either of you, okay?"

Chimney leaned his chest onto the dashboard and laid down so he could reach them easier.

The first thing he had to do was check (Y/n)'s pulse and her breathing. She had a pulse, her heartbeat was fluctuating and uneven but it was there and that was all he needed right now. He could see her chest rising and falling beneath Eddie's hand that was splayed out on her chest. Chimney kept his hands steady and firm and stretched his arms out towards them.

His hands patted over (Y/n)'s neck, shoulders and then down towards her legs before he moved back up to her chest.

"She's got a few broken ribs," He couldn't hide the grimace from his face when he pressed around (Y/n)'s hips and her torso. "I think her pelvis is broken. The metal is below her heart which is good, it might have pierced her stomach though. We have to move quick."

He couldn't add pressure to the wound and he couldn't cut off her blood supply because of where the wound was. (Y/n) needed circulation to the rest of her body, there was no way to cut off her blood supply to stem the bleeding like there would be if the metal was in her arm or her leg.

"W-what about Chris?"

"Hen how's Chris doing?" Bobby rested his hands on his knees and peered through to try and see Hen who was now sat in the back of the car next to Chris.

"Fractured arm, possible concussion but some glass had cut open an artery in his leg. I'm gonna have to do a stent and tie off his leg before we get him out."

"Oh God," Eddie tipped his head back and smothered his mouth with his hand to stop himself from screaming. He kept his palm pressed tightly to his mouth, morphing the Spanish prayer his mother used to use in times of crisis because if there were such things as miracles, Eddie sure as Hell needed one right now.

He darted his eyes back over to (Y/n) the moment he felt Chimney touching his impaled hand which flinched and twitched in response.

"It's a clean cut, looks like it's missed the main bones. Eddie, I'm gonna have to pull your hand off of the metal and (Y/n). The metal has to stay in her to stem the bleeding but we can pack and bandage your hand for the ambulance journey."

"Do it."

"I'll get you a shot of-"

"Just rip it off, we don't have time to fuck about. Get my wife out of here,"

He wasn't bothered about a shot of morphine which Eddie knew from experience would do very little to take the edge off. The most it would do was make him feel limp and lethargic and he couldn't afford to be anything other than awake and alert. He had to be with his family and keep watch over them. (Y/n) was the one who would need a shot of pain relief if she started to wake up from this.

Eddie wanted her in the ambulance as quick as they could manage.

"Alright, here we go." Chimney carefully strapped a neck brace around (Y/n) and tilted her head back before he rummaged around in his med bag Bobby handed over to him.

Eddie watched with pained eyes as Chimney cut a strip up the middle of (Y/n)'s top and ripped it away from the metal punctured through them both. A clean view was needed to pull Eddie's hand away and try to keep the metal as still within (Y/n) as possible so she didn't get any internal damage. His left hand curled around the steering wheel and he hissed through his teeth when he felt saline and a solution being squirted all around his hand and over (Y/n)'s chest and stomach.

"Keep your arm still and let me move your hand,"

He didn't need telling twice but he wished he had something to bite down on just in case either (Y/n) or Chris could still hear what was going on. He hated to scream in front of them but the pain was burning and it dragged out because Chimney had to move slow. At least when Eddie had been shot at, it had been quick and countered out by adrenaline.

Carefully and slowly, Chimney pulled Eddie's hand up until it squelched off the metal and was finally free. He handed Eddie's hand over to Bobby who washed it down in more solution before packing gauze to either side and wrapping a bandage tightly round to keep the pressure.

"Eddie we need you out so we can get a back board in there and move her."

"No, no I'll get her out with you," He flung his belt off to the side and shifted round in his seat, muffling a groan when he felt his knee twist and spasm. It was either dislocated or broken and Eddie hoped for the first.

He could do this. He was awake, alert and no longer punctured into his wife, he could get her out of here and he could help Hen get Christopher out if she needed assistance with that. He wasn't standing by like some idiot who didn't know what he was doing. He was part of this team and this was his job, they did this every day, it wasn't that much different. Eddie was just sitting on the other side of the line this time.

A silent look passed between Bobby and Buck and with a nod of his head, Bobby gave the order.

Eddie couldn't help with this. He was hurt, in pain and he was concussed, not to mention this was his family and he wasn't on shift. They wouldn't be liable if (Y/n) got injured during the process of getting her out and it was found out that Eddie helped get her out.

He was too close.

"Wh- no! Get off me! Let me GO!"

Scream after scream flew past Eddie's lips and he flung his arms out to grab the door frame when Buck held him under his arms and started to tug him out of the truck. He had to get out, they had to be quick and get (Y/n) and Chris out of there and Eddie couldn't help.

Buck held his breath, tensed his arms and pulled until his closest friend was out of the truck and his legs flopped beneath him to the floor like a rag doll. He didn't give Eddie the chance to try and scramble back into the car, he shuffled backwards and hoisted him along, kicking, screaming and elbowing him to get back in the truck.

Reaching behind him, Eddie dug his nails sharply into the back of Buck's neck and roared, pulling his head down with a jerk to try and get him to let go but it didn't work. Buck let him go and flopped him down onto unsteady feet before he moved round and stood in front of him like a boulder.

"Traitor!" Eddie slammed his fist down on Buck's shoulder but it didn't make that much of an impact and all Buck did was frown and look like he was about to cry. He was put in an awkward position and all he wanted to do was help but he couldn't let Eddie get involved in this. "T-they're my family, if they… I need to be with them,"

When Eddie slumped forward and pressed his forehead into Buck's chest, Buck wrapped his arms around him and held him up.

"I know, I know."

With Eddie out the truck it was easier to get in and get ready to move (Y/n). Bobby got the backboard while Chimney undid her belt and they both eased her up onto the board as slowly as they could so they didn't move the metal too much and rupture something. Once she was strapped on, Chimney pushed the board up through the windshield and climbed out with her.

"Go follow (Y/n) to the ambulance and I'll help get Chris out," Buck gave Eddie a nudge towards his wife before he headed over to the back door that was jammed up against another car. He noticed Hen had managed to roll the window down after she got Chris stabalised. "Pass him through and I'll carry him."

"Easy, do not move or jostle his leg or the stint won't hold,"

Chris was slowly passed between them and Hen held tight hold of his legs and helped shift him round until he was laid over Buck's arms. And just before he turned to run towards the ambulance, Hen leaned over and placed his penguin teddy on his chest.

"He'll be needing this."

***

"How are we doin' in here?" Bobby peered his head around the door and took a tentative step inside but what he saw melted his heart.

He noticed Buck first. He was sat in the plastic chair on the left side of the bed, his legs propped up and crossed on the bed and his body slouched back in the seat. His chin was resting on his hand and he was fast asleep, still in his uniform with his blazer slugged over the back of the chair.

On the floor by Buck's feet, was Chimney, sprawled out asleep with his arms folded over his chest and his head leaning on Buck's leg.

On the other side of the bed, sat Eddie. He was in a dark blue reclining armchair that had the bottom propped up so Eddie could stretch his legs out. His jeans were cut around the middle of his thigh on his left leg and his knee which was dark purple and swollen, was fitted in a brace. It had dislocated during the crash and putting it back in place had almost felt as bad as the cut in his hand.

His right hand had been stitched up and wrapped in a thick clean bandage that went down over his wrist for safety.

He had taken his shirt off in the emergency room so they could check him over and send him for an X-ray which they had also done on his hand and found only one little break in his hand. And now he was sat in just his jeans with a tight bandage wrapped around his lower chest since he had broken two ribs and fractured a third.

Despite the ache that was pulsing through every part of his body, Eddie was still sat in the chair with his son curled up in his arms.

They had put Chris under a mild sedation to fix his leg and bandage it up so he couldn't scratch or pull at his stitches and they had set his arm back in place and put it in a cast from his wrist to his elbow. But when he woke up, no one had been able to stop Eddie from picking him up and walking up and down the room with him like he was a newborn again. He swayed him in his arms, whispered and sang to him to calm him down and as soon as (Y/n) was out of surgery, they went to her room and refused to move.

The metal had successfully been removed and her stomach had been stitched up. Her pelvis was slotted back in place and bound tight just like her chest for her broken ribs and stitches.

She wasn't awake yet, but they weren't expecting her to be after the sedation she had been put under.

When Buck and Chimney found out that she had been moved into a room, they used their uniforms to get past the nurses and hid in her room with Eddie and Chris. And subsequently fell asleep.

"I think we're okay," Eddie waved Bobby inside before he rubbed at his tired eyes and tightened his arms around Chris who was sound asleep on his chest, cuddled up with his penguin. The weight was more comforting than aching and uncomfortable, Eddie would take any amount of pain if it meant his son was comforted and close to his chest.

He couldn't come close to losing either of them again.

"I'm glad to hear it, Hen's on her way down to pop by and see you."

"Cap?"

"Yeah?"

Eddie didn't know what he would have done if the team hadn't reached them so quickly or if they hadn't all have thought on their feet and got him and his family out of there. They didn't let their closeness cloud their judgements, they got everyone safe and got them out and did what was best.

"Thank you,"

[lover-of-mine]

Sometimes I'm like "I'm overthinking buddie, it's not that deep" but then I do stuff like the buddie through the season collection of sets, or someone makes a post with stuff that happened to them all written down and I'm just "if they're not aware they are writing a love story, someone on that writers room needs to reevaluate their lives because if they think that's platonic I got some news" because it's ridiculous. To an insane degree.

Buck went from snappy and "what do we need him for" to literally following Eddie around like a lost puppy and all it took was 1 (one) complement. Buck cleared for Chris to be at the firehouse before it occurred to Eddie to do so and then offered Eddie the solution to his problems like it was absolutely nothing. Eddie denied Chris' literal mother, his honest to God wife, from seeing their kid and then he took Buck with them to see Santa, and that's 10 episodes in, 9 if you consider the fact that Hen begins happens in the middle there and neither one of them are on it. Buck gets crushed by the truck and Eddie, a firefighter who could've left Buck on Hen's very capable hands and help lift the truck, stayed on Buck's side holding his hand. Eddie looked Buck in the eye and said "there's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you" while Buck actively spirals about losing Chris in a tsunami that he took the blame for after he looked his wife in the eye and said "I can forgive you, I'm not sure I can trust you" when it comes to their son. Eddie picked a fight with Buck in the middle of a grocery store because Buck made it illegal for them to talk. Eddie folded like a paper plan because Buck said sorry and smiled at him. Buck literally clawed at the dirt ready to dig until he found Eddie by hand when the well collapsed. And half of Eddie's I need to keep fighting montage contains Buck. Eddie is ready to let a guy die because he's engaged to Buck's ex and Buck is being reckless about it. Eddie made a decision to not have videogames on in the house, Chris instantly turned to Buck in a full I will ask my other parent moment, and Eddie didn't interfere because he knew Buck wouldn't undermine him. Buck went to the hospital after a fire and Eddie waited by the door so that Buck would have a warning about his parents waiting for him. Chris runs away from home straight into Buck's, Eddie relaxes completely when he realizes Chris is with Buck, and it is actually implied that Eddie called Buck first over the outburst, because Eddie is talking to his girlfriend about it when Chris runs, but Buck already knows about it when Chris gets there. Eddie actively pouts over the fact that Buck teamed up with Taylor even though he has a girlfriend. Buck rolls under a truck even though he got crushed by one to get to Eddie when he got shot. Buck takes on the responsibility of taking care of Chris by his own will. Eddie put Buck down as Chris' guardian on his will not 2 years into knowing him and only told him to dare him to live. They are wistfully staring at each other while talking about Eddie meeting his girlfriend's family. Eddie needs Buck's permission to break up with his girlfriend. Buck runs towards gunfire because he thinks Eddie might be in danger. Eddie snaps, and Chris, a kid being raised by first responders, calls Buck not 911. Buck actually manages to talk Eddie down from the metaphorical ledge he's in. Buck is all heart eyes to Eddie while his girlfriend talks to the girl he cheated on her with. Eddie and Chris are playing games in Buck's kitchen while Buck cooks them dinner. Eddie is screaming in a way we never saw him scream before because Buck is hurt. Eddie is following after a team of doctors wheeling Buck away and actually screaming at them to do more than their best even though he is a first responder and was a combat medic and knows they always do their best. Eddie can't look at Buck while he's in the coma. Buck is uncomfortable at his own place, drives over to Eddie's and instantly falls asleep. Chris is doing his homework on Buck's kitchen. Eddie is talking Buck out to play poker and Buck is sharing his winnings with Eddie like it's a given. Buck is baking cookies with Chris for him to take to school at his loft with Eddie nowhere to be found, while discussing the dinner he won for the 3 of them. Eddie, who later refused pain meds and that he was even hurt, was ready to lean on Buck when he got him out of the truck.

This all happened. On the screen. No exaggeration. No different interpretation. It happened. And this is not all of it. And I'm supposed to sit here and just think they are the bestest of best friends??? Platonic buddies??? Straight bros??? Oh, come on, be fucking for real.

[itsactuallycorrine]

action & reaction

buddie; 1.6K; s08e06 spec; hopeful ending

series now complete: part 1 | part 2

Buck sits uneasily on top of the closed toilet lid, watching as a still red-cheeked and bloodshot-eyed Eddie scrapes a razor along his top lip. 

He hadn’t been certain what he’d do or say when he beelined from his loft to Eddie’s door after his revelation. There’d been a half-formed thought of talking it out, or making some big confession, a vague recollection of a line from some old movie Maddie had loved ringing in his ears about wanting to start the rest of your life as soon as possible. 

Finding Eddie in pieces on his living room floor had thrown all that out.

So had Eddie’s first words when he’d finally calmed down enough to speak:

“I want to shave this fucking mustache off.”

So now, here they are, Buck worried out of his mind and too afraid to take his sights off Eddie, while Eddie shaves his fucking mustache off.

When it’s gone, Eddie stares at himself long and hard in the mirror before cutting a glance at Buck. “So?”

Buck surveys his face and smiles a little. “Still just as handsome,” he teases, smile growing as Eddie rolls his eyes and huffs, pink blooming in the apples of his cheeks. “C’mon, man, you know what you look like. Mustache, no mustache. It doesn’t really make a difference.”

It doesn’t land the way Buck anticipated. “Yeah, I guess not,” Eddie says heavily, turning back to his own reflection. “I thought it’d—never mind, it’s stupid.”

“No, what?” Buck asks. 

“I thought it’d be easier to, you know.” He gestures to the mirror. “If I didn’t really look like myself. I could pretend for a while that I wasn’t—that it wasn’t really me this was happening to. It was happening to some other Eddie in some other fucked up timeline or universe or whatever.”

It breaks Buck’s heart even more than he’d thought possible. “Eddie…”

But Eddie shrugs it off, turning his back to the mirror and crossing his arms. “But it is me. There is no mirror Eddie to blame. I did this. I cheated on Marisol, I brought Kim into our life, I…” His voice breaks. “I drove Christopher away. I did it. But” — he sighs, runs a hand through his hair — “I didn’t do it all alone.”

For the first time in months, a spark of hope kindles in Buck’s chest. “No, you didn’t. Kim chose to come back even after you broke it off. Your parents swept Chris away without even attempting to mediate.” He hesitates. “Christopher chose to leave instead of talking it out.”

“Shannon asked for a divorce when I wanted to fix things,” Eddie adds grimly, and Buck sucks in a shocked breath.

“Y-you never told me that. When?”

“Right before she died. She, uh, thought she might be pregnant and I thought that maybe…maybe it was the sign we needed to recommit to each other. But it turns out both of us were wrong—there was no baby, and she didn’t want that, want me.” Eddie shrugs, but it falls short of casual when his shoulders slump forward miserably.

Buck stares as his head spins. He’d always wondered, hadn’t he? He’d always wondered why Eddie kept coming back to this, to Shannon, couldn’t move on no matter how hard he’d tried. Obviously, Eddie had loved Shannon, but the way he spoke about her, the way he put her on this untouchable pedestal for Christopher, who already knew his mother wasn’t perfect, the way he viewed their relationship with rose-colored glasses when Buck knew how messy it had been…it had always concerned Buck. 

But this, this was the ugly, gnarled root of the problem, one that had grown up around Eddie’s ankles, holding him in place, never letting him move on. It ensnared him, kept him caught in the moment, an awful, terrible moment with no closure. Because instead of a divorce and a definitive closed door to their marriage or a reconciliation and fresh start, Eddie watched Shannon die. The diverging path cut short right at the crossroads, the choice taken out of Eddie’s hands. 

“She said that? That she didn’t want you?” Buck asks. Even without his recent epiphany, the idea seems ludicrous. After all, who wouldn’t want Eddie? 

“Well, no,” Eddie admits. “She said she was still figuring out how to be a mother and didn’t think she was ready to be a wife, too.” 

“Okay. Well, w-were you ready to be a husband? Honestly?”

“Would I have offered if I wasn’t?” At Buck’s unimpressed stare, Eddie sighs. “I don’t know. Maybe. Probably not.” 

Buck hums. “So it seems like maybe her decision wasn’t really about you at all, then. You just had to deal with the fallout, along with some truly shitty, tragic timing.”

Eddie says with a half-amused huff, “To put it mildly.” 

“It wasn’t your fault, Eddie,” Buck says, softly. “You made mistakes, yeah, but it wasn’t all on you. You’ve gotta stop punishing yourself, man. You’re not just hurting yourself; you’re hurting Christopher.”

Eyes welling, Eddie looks at the floor and nods. “I know. And I think—I think I’m really ready to let go of it now. I am. But, God, I just… how do I move forward, Buck? I’ve been here so long that I don’t know where to go from here. How to start cleaning up my mess, to start fixing the things I let this break. How to live without this looming over me.” 

With a long, slow exhale, Buck climbs to his feet and takes Eddie by the arms, waiting until their gazes lock. “I don’t have the answers either, but we can figure it out. Together.”

A sole tear rolls down Eddie’s cheek as it swells with a shaky smile. “I can’t ask that of you.”

“You’re not asking. I’m telling you—I’m here. I’m always gonna be here for you, Eddie, as long as you let me. Always. You don’t have to figure this or anything out alone.”

Eddie just nods as a few more tears spill over. He pulls Buck into a brief, grateful hug, and Buck closes his eyes and savors it. They do this so infrequently, and he’s never understood why. Eddie’s a pretty demonstrative guy, and neither of them are shy about hugging anyone else. But it feels different when it’s them, more weighted, more meaningful—and maybe that’s why. Maybe, subconsciously, Buck knew what it meant all along and held back. 

And maybe along the way, Eddie realized it, too, and didn’t want to encourage Buck or lead him on. Buck pulls back a little uneasily as the embrace breaks, but there’s nothing in Eddie’s expression beyond lingering tears and gratitude. 

They’ve finally made their way into the kitchen, sharing coffee across the table, when Eddie cocks his head. “Did you just drop by to check on me? Or did you need something before I distracted you with all the—” He waves in the general direction of the living room, a little sheepish. 

I love you.

I’m in love with you, and I think we’ve been building a really beautiful life together. 

This, us, our family, is all I’ve ever dreamt of, and if you’d just give me one chance…

Is there any reality in which you could be in love with me, too? Could want me, too? 

But he can’t say any of it, can he? He can’t do that to Eddie now, not when he’s finally ready to shed the past and move forward, not while so many loose ends are still waiting to be resolved. 

“Nah,” Buck says, hiding his farce of a smile by taking a drink. “I guess that call at the well got to me a little and I just…wanted to see you, make sure you were okay.” 

“Okay might be a stretch.” Eddie laughs and gives Buck a soft smile. “But I’ll get there.”

“I know you will.” Buck’s lashes lower as he smiles, a little shyly, and something rolls over in Eddie’s chest, a familiar fondness trussed in ribbons of longing. 

And, look, it’s never really gone away—that tug of yearning he has for Buck, one he’s known for years—but it has been somewhat muted over the past few months while Eddie had more pressing concerns. It used to terrify him, loving Buck the way he does, because he could never reconcile it with the past, with his own identity. 

It still terrifies him, if he’s being honest, because once he digs himself out of the hole he’s created, he’s going to have to reckon with this once and for all, the looming specter over his shoulder that he’s avoided looking at for over three decades. 

He’d been able to cope when he’d thought it was just a pipe dream, when there was no way—even if Eddie did face all his demons head on—Buck would ever feel the same. But then Tommy had come along and fractured that foundational belief, and was it any wonder that Eddie had blown up his own life right after that? 

But here in the aftermath of an emotional day, in the quiet intimacy of the kitchen, it doesn’t seem nearly as scary. Not when Buck’s face is a pretty pink over the rim of his coffee cup, his heart stalwart and steadfast and too damn generous. He hasn’t run from Eddie’s mess, not ever, and he’s just promised to stand by Eddie’s side as he pieces his life back together. How could Eddie do anything but love Buck? 

And for the first time, that feels like more of a blessing than a curse. It’s the light at the end of a very dark tunnel, leading him home, with the hope and faith that Buck will be there waiting for him when he arrives. 

ao3

[wikiangela]

me, you, our kid and a dog

the dog fic is finally here! fluff, getting together, first kiss, reluctant dog dad Eddie, all three of them being adorable lol ❤️

words: 4.7k

[read on Ao3]

“You’re getting a dog?” Hen asks, piecing together the few sentences she’s heard. “As in… together? “Yeah.” Buck grins, opening his own locker as well “We’re not getting a dog. “But Eddie!” Buck almost whines, and, god, Eddie would give him anything he asked for, but he’s also stubborn, and he decided something already, he can’t just go back. Besides, does he really want to be stuck taking care of a pet on a rare occasion Buck’s at his loft? “Uh, you don’t even live together.” Hen notices, confused, a frown on her face. “Or have we missed something?” she and Chim exchange a look that Eddie doesn’t wanna look into. He’s already pretty sure he’s wearing his heart on his sleeve, and everyone knows how he feels, he doesn’t need confirmation. “No, but it just makes sense.”

______

It starts as a random remark on a sunny Sunday afternoon when the three of them are at the park. They’re just taking a walk, with the goal of getting ice-cream from the best ice-cream place in the city, according to both Buck and Chris – which is just an ice-cream stand in the middle of the park. 

There’s a lot of people around, strolling and talking just like them, or having picnics, or walking their dogs… and that last thing is what starts a conversation.

Because a big dog runs up to Buck – Eddie’s not even surprised at how every single breathing creature, human or otherwise, is just enamored with Buck, he’s used to it – and he stops to pet it with the brightest smile. Meanwhile, the owner, a young girl probably in her early twenties, catches up and apologizes profusely, saying that the dog tugged the leash out of her hand, and assures that it’s friendly and it’s safe to pet her – which is what Buck’s already doing, anyway.

“Hey, pretty.” he coos, crouching down, both hands petting the dog’s head, while it pants happily, tongue out. 

“Can I pet her, too?” Christopher asks, giving Eddie the most adorable pleading expression, and Eddie just can’t say no. 

“Of course. Just be careful.” Eddie says and watches as Chris walks closer to Buck, who holds one of his crutches to prevent it from falling, when Christopher hurries to pet the dog with the brightest smile. This close, the dog is almost at his height, and Eddie gets a little anxious, but doesn’t let his overprotectiveness take over. Buck’s right there, there’s nothing to worry about.

“She’s so soft.” Chris comments, and the dog licks his face, making him giggle.

They stand there for a long minute, before Eddie apologizes to the girl for keeping her there, and she laughs and says it’s okay. Chris tells the dog it was nice to meet her, and gazes after her wistfully, when the girl finally walks away.

“You really shouldn’t pet strangers’ dogs.” Eddie mutters to Buck once the girl is out of earshot.

“She said it’s fine.” Buck whispers back.

“Not before you already pet it.” Eddie gives him a look. “Just saying, you should be more careful.”

“Next time I will.” he rolls his eyes, as they start walking towards the ice-cream stand again, conversation picking up where they left off.

“I wish we had a dog.” Christopher says suddenly, interrupting Buck mid-sentence, and it surprises Eddie a bit. He’s never mentioned it before, and Eddie’s never thought about a pet, and he doesn’t know how to discourage him from that, or how to say no without breaking his son’s heart. Because there’s no way they’re getting a dog.

“Man, I always wanted a dog growing up.” Buck says wistfully, and, well, now Eddie’s screwed. “My parents never agreed, though.”

“We should get a dog together.” Christopher says, looking at Buck with a wide smile, and Eddie has to step in before they start planning and saying no will become even more heartbreaking.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Dad! Why?” Chris pouts and stops to look at Eddie with those eyes that make any ‘no’ almost impossible to pass his lips.

“Yeah, dad, why?” Buck joins in, and his pout is almost equally irresistible. Eddie is not in the strongest position here. If he wasn’t absolutely convinced of his decision already, he’d fold immediately. And he feels like if they keep talking about this, they might just change his mind. He won’t have this.

“I promise I’ll walk him and feed him, and Buck will help!” Chris says, now stopping and turning towards Eddie.

“Eddie, come on.” Buck shoves his arm lightly.

“You guys are serious? You actually want a dog?” Eddie looks between them, and they nod, matching pouts on their faces. Shit, he’s not gonna fall for it. “No.”

“But-”

“No.” he repeats firmly, his heart breaking a little at his son’s defeated expression. “We all know that you will take care of it for a minute, and then it’ll fall on me, at least when Buck’s not home.” he adds quietly, not missing how he accidentally made it sound like Buck’s living with them, realizing that he’d love that more than anything, but choosing to ignore this for now, because he doesn’t have time for an am-I-in-love-with-my-best-friend freak out again (they happen more frequently than he’d like to admit lately, and he thinks he has the answer already anyway). “Or probably on Carla when we’re at work.” he continues. “And she’s not getting paid to take care of a dog.”

“There’s dog sitters.” Buck murmurs, and Eddie shoots him a look. They’re not made of money, for god’s sake. But then he sees tears in Chris’ eyes, and almost relents. Almost.

“Listen, it’s a no for right now, alright? But let’s revisit this conversation when you’re a little older?” Eddie asks, and Chris immediately lights up.

“How old?” he asks, and Eddie shares a look with Buck. Then, he looks back at his ten-year-old, and answers:

“Thirteen.” because it seems like a reasonable age where he’ll be able to actually take care of a pet, and also, a lot can happen in three years, maybe he’d want a different, more low-maintenance pet. Eddie could do a goldfish, for example.

“Fine.” Christopher relents, and looks at Buck. “We can wait three years.”

“Yeah.” Buck responds, a soft and surprised smile on his face. Like he still doesn’t believe they want him in their lives permanently, and he’s not expecting them to make such long-term plans involving him. “We sure can.”

“Just, we’re clear that we’ll have the conversation then, right? Not that we’re actually getting a dog?” Eddie adds, not wanting them to get too excited. He knows Buck could just get a dog on his own, it’s not like he lives with them (sadly), though as far as Eddie remembers, pets aren’t allowed in his building. But even if he could, Eddie’s pretty sure they’d still make this decision together. He doesn’t know exactly when it happened, but their lives became so intertwined it should be scary. It’s not, though. Buck is his partner, at and outside of work. In almost all the ways Eddie wants him to be.

“Sure.” Buck says dismissively, with a chuckle, like he knows they already won. Eddie really doesn’t like when they team up against him, because that’s usually how it ends, with them winning. They’re his two biggest weaknesses, they have an advantage separately, and together? Eddie’s surprised he managed to say no right now. 

Then they continue their walk, Chris a little bit in front of them, starting a new topic, now wondering what ice-cream flavor he should get, while Buck throws his arm around Eddie’s shoulder, and Eddie feels like his whole body is burning. To anyone else they must look like a family, a couple and their kid. Eddie hates how comfortable he is with that, and how much he’d actually want that to be true. Maybe he’s coming to terms with his feelings for Buck, because now, thinking about wanting to hold his hand and kiss him, and spend the rest of their lives arguing about getting a dog while living together – it doesn’t make him freak out or panic. He feels settled. He’s smiling, and he’s content, and he wants countless more afternoons like this with his boys.

But for now, the dog conversation is over, for at least three years.

Or so Eddie thinks. And, boy, is he wrong.

Because from then on, the topic of dogs and pets is being brought up constantly over the next couple of weeks. 

Mostly small mentions, Buck and Christopher talking about the kind of dog they want – a breed wasn’t specified yet, but definitely a big one, which prompts Eddie to wonder how Chris wants to walk it without the dog pulling on the leash and tripping him. Not that there’s gonna be any dog, that’s not happening.

And then, after a few days, the conversation extends to outside of home, when Buck drives them to work – because he stayed over, like he does pretty frequently, sharing the bed with Eddie because he’s not gonna sleep on the couch – they’re best friends, it’s normal. Or so Eddie’s trying to convince himself to avoid freaking out.

The whole drive over, Buck’s trying to convince Eddie to change his mind, and is still talking about it as they’re walking into the locker room, where Hen and Chimney already are.

“-and you have a backyard, which is just perfect-” Buck continues, not even bothering to say hi to their friends.

“It’s not big.” Eddie points out, opening his locker.

“But it’s enough! And we can build a doghouse together, that’d be so much fun!” he says excitedly, and when Eddie looks at him and sees his sparkling eyes and that smile, he almost gives in. “And I’ll take care of it all the time, too, you know I will.”

“Buck.” Eddie tries to be stern and wants to shut it down for now. They’re at work.

“You’re getting a dog?” Hen asks, piecing together the few sentences she’s heard. “As in… together?”

“Yeah.” Buck grins, opening his own locker as well.

“We’re not getting a dog.”

“But Eddie!” Buck almost whines, and, god, Eddie would give him anything he asked for, but he’s also stubborn, and he decided something already, he can’t just go back. Besides, does he really want to be stuck taking care of a pet on a rare occasion Buck’s at his loft?

“Uh, you don’t even live together.” Hen notices, confused, a frown on her face. “Or have we missed something?” she and Chim exchange a look that Eddie doesn’t wanna look into. He’s already pretty sure he’s wearing his heart on his sleeve, and everyone knows how he feels, he doesn’t need confirmation.

“No, but it just makes sense.” Buck shrugs, taking off his t-shirt in one smooth motion, and Eddie pointedly does not look (he sees him out of the corner of his eye anyway, he can’t help it, peripheral vision exists, okay?). He doesn’t look until Buck puts his LAFD shirt on, and he’s safe to turn to him without the danger of blushing or his eyes lingering where they shouldn’t. He kind of hates realizing he’s attracted to his best friend, because it’s making things weird, at least in his head.

“How does it make sense exactly?” Chimney asks, something smug in his voice.

“It just does.” Buck says dismissively, and Eddie wonders if he’s as confused as Eddie as to what has been happening lately between them. “And Christopher wants nothing more than to get a dog. He said he doesn’t want any presents for his birthday or for Christmas, just a dog.” he adds, and Eddie’s heart breaks a little. Has he said that? Not to Eddie. But if he did… They’re so gonna break Eddie sooner or later. But, again, he’s stubborn (which is probably where Chris gets it from, honestly).

“We’re not getting a dog.” he repeats for what feels like a thousandth time. It’s like a new catchphrase, and he doesn’t like it.

“But Eddie.” Buck pouts, and Eddie tries, really tries, but is aware he’s doing a poor job at that, to conceal a fond smile. Buck is just so adorable, and Eddie is- well, he’s maybe-possibly-probably in love with him. But they’re at work, and their friends are listening, and he doesn’t need the input, and doesn’t need them to know how much closer he and Buck are than they realize – though it might be too late for that, to be honest.

“Let’s talk at home?” he finally sighs, and Buck grins triumphantly. And Eddie knows he’s gonna give in sooner or later.

Especially since, once he gets home, Chris and Buck join forces once again, and Eddie can only hold out on his own for so long. With even his partner against him, there’s not much he can do. His son has websites of some local shelters open on his laptop, as well as a whole PowerPoint presentation about why it’s a great idea to get a dog. Eddie doesn’t know when Buck and Chris made it, but they did, and now they sit Eddie down in the living room and make their case. 

And, well, obviously, Eddie’s heart is not made of stone. He sees the two most important people in his life be so passionate and excited about this, they already set their hearts on getting a dog, and Eddie’s been refusing long enough.

Once the presentation is over, he stands up from the couch, while his boys look at him expectantly and with so much hope, if he didn’t change his mind already, he would now.

“So? Can we get a dog?” Chris asks quietly. Eddie takes a deep breath.

“We need to set some rules first.” Eddie says, and cheers erupt. Before he can say anything more, he finds himself in a tight embrace by Buck and Chris, whom Buck lifted up into his arms, so they can both hug Eddie. They thank him, and are so happy, and Eddie knows he’s made a good decision.

He’s even more sure a minute later, when Buck, in all his joy and excitement, apparently forgets himself and kisses Eddie straight on the lips, just a sweet, chaste brush of lips, and when he realizes what he’s done, they both freeze. Meanwhile, Chris, still in Buck’s arms, has his arms around Eddie’s neck, and doesn't look at them. 

There’s fear in Buck’s eyes, and Eddie gets it, the fear over the possibility of ruining everything, he feels it every time he has the urge to do something dumb like kiss Buck. Which, well, happened. And Buck initiated it. So maybe nothing’s ruined, if Buck feels the same. Because why else would he kiss Eddie?

So, Eddie smiles, which quickly turns into a grin, and Buck looks relieved, and then he beams, when Eddie leans back in, capturing Buck’s lips in a short, soft, tender kiss. It feels like coming home, like everything is where it’s supposed to be. Somehow, Eddie thinks they’re on the same page, and they both know they’re on the same page. They will need to talk later, but for now, the silent communication and understanding they’ve always had is enough. 

“Ew.” they hear Chris groan, and they break the kiss with a laugh, both blushing. “At least put me down if you’re gonna make out.” he adds, and Eddie feels his cheeks get even warmer. He sees that Chris is smiling, though, and Eddie’s a little surprised, because it seems like he’s cool with him and Buck being… whatever they are now. Hopefully dating.

“Uh, here you go.” Buck mumbles, putting him back down, his face bright red. “So, a dog?” he asks, shyly looking at Eddie.

“When?” Chris immediately adds.

“Why don’t we drive down to the shelter tomorrow and have a look?” Eddie suggests. “But first, some rules.” he says sternly, not letting even Buck kissing him distract him, not completely, anyway. He can keep it together for a minute. “Every morning one of you walks it and feeds it. No dogs on the furniture, including the couch. It’ll get a bed in your room-” he points at Chris, who beams at him, “and that’s where it’ll sleep. It’s your responsibility.” he looks from Chris to Buck, they both nod. He’s also aware that most of any rules will get broken anyway, and that he’ll end up taking care of it, too, obviously, they all live under the same roof anyway. Well, not all… not yet. 

“Are we building a doghouse in the backyard?” Buck asks tentatively. 

“Dad, can we?” 

“Yes, of course we can.” Eddie smiles, because he already said yes, and he’s not sure he’d be able to say no to anything they both ask him right now. “But let’s get a dog first, and then we’ll worry about everything else, alright? We’ll get toys and bowls and all that tomorrow, too.” he adds, knowing that it’s another question from his son. And it’s just hitting him now that it’s happening. They’re getting a dog. What is he getting himself into… But first, there are more pressing issues. “Hey, why don’t you go call Carla and tell her, to prepare her for what she’ll have to deal with when she’s here next time, and I’ll just talk to Buck real quick?” Eddie adds, and Chris just nods, gives them both a knowing look, as if he was sure what it is they wanna talk about, and goes to his room.

Once they’re alone, Eddie looks at Buck, who’s looking everywhere but at Eddie. He’s nervous, as if he didn’t get enough confirmation already. Eddie grabs his hand and intertwines their fingers, and Buck’s wide eyes land on him.

“Relax.” Eddie chuckles. “I just felt like maybe we need to talk at least a little bit.”

“Yeah, uh, so that was-” he stops, as if not sure what to say next.

“Unexpected.” Eddie finishes for him, still smiling. “But very, very welcome.” he says just to reassure Buck that he’s not reading anything wrong (Eddie’s not sure how he could but, well, it’s Buck), and tugs at Buck’s hand to bring him closer. 

“Yeah?” his face lights up, and his eyes shine when they look into Eddie’s. 

“Yeah.” Eddie gets even closer, their faces inches apart, both their smiles widening, as Eddie links their lips again. But then he pulls away, because he did want to talk. Nothing goes according to plan today, but he’s not complaining. “I’m happy you kissed me, because I was starting to think I’d never be brave enough.” Eddie admits. “I was worried I’d ruin things if you didn’t feel the same.”

“Which is?” Buck raises an eyebrow, his smile turns teasing, and hopeful, and of course he already knows, but Eddie will gladly spell it out for him.

“I’m in love with you.” Eddie responds, looking into Buck’s eyes, and he feels so much lighter now that he said it. He’s been denying it, wondering, freaking out over it for so long, but now it comes as easy as breathing, and it just feels so right. “I think I have been for a long time. We’re a family already, but I want us to be a family in this sense, too.” he squeezes Buck’s hand, where he’s still holding it. “I love you so much, Buck.”

“I love you, too.” Buck’s smile is blinding. And Eddie can’t resist leaning in to kiss it. “I didn’t even think, it was so-”

“Normal?” Eddie finishes for him with a laugh. “Yeah. Like we’ve always done it.” Because that’s what it feels like when he kisses Buck right now. It’s amazing, yes, but there’s nothing really groundbreaking, it doesn’t feel new, even though it is, it’s the most natural thing in the world, kissing Buck, like Eddie’s been meant to do it. “And if you want, I’d love to do this for the rest of our lives.”

“Wow, that’s fast.” Buck jokes, kissing Eddie again. “We just kissed for the first time, slow down.”

“Uh, we’re getting a dog together.” Eddie pulls away further to give him a look, eyebrows raised. “And we’re co-parenting a kid together, have been for longer than either of us probably realize.” he adds, and sees Buck’s face melt at that. “We’re pretty far ahead already.”

“That’s true.” Buck chuckles. “I can’t believe this is happening.” he whispers, bringing his free hand up to Eddie’s cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Eddie can’t resist a smile. He gets to say it now. He gets to kiss Buck, and hold his hand, and be with him. And maybe they started it a little backwards, but they’re them. They’ve been partners and co-parents for so long, and they know each other better than anyone else. So, Eddie doesn’t think anything would be too fast. Hell, they could get married tomorrow and he’s pretty sure no one would even bat an eye, it’d seem like the most natural thing. But maybe not just yet. Not that, at least, he’ll work up to it one day. However… “And, you know, parenting a kid together plus taking care of a dog together will be just so hard while living apart.” he adds teasingly, and sees Buck’s eyes widen.

“Yeah?” he breathes out.

“Yeah. Might make it much easier if you, I don’t know, maybe move in soon?” he asks, trying to act as nonchalantly as he can, but not quite succeeding, because he’s excited. He hasn’t been this giddy in a long time. And, to be honest, Buck’s already kind of living with them, it’d just make so much sense. More than getting a dog together while living apart, that’s for sure.

“You want me to move in?” Buck tries to smirk, but awe and surprise overtake his expression.

“If you do, yeah.” Eddie says decisively, because now that it’s happening, now that he knows for sure that he and Buck feel the same, everything slots into place, and he knows exactly what he wants. He wants Buck in his life, in his home, forever. “That not too fast for you?” he slowly leans in again, not able to resist those gorgeous lips a second longer, now that he got a taste.

“Actually, no. Seems perfect.” Buck responds, meeting Eddie’s lips halfway.

When they go to the shelter the next morning, Chris is excitedly talking about dog names, and everything they need to buy, and all the research he and Buck have been doing on training dogs to pee outside, and teach them tricks – it’s adorable how excited he is, and now Eddie has no idea why he was ever opposed. Buck and Eddie walk right next to him, holding hands, smiling at each other, as they listen to their son. 

______________

It takes maybe two weeks for the puppy to have Eddie wrapped around her little paw, any rules he made be damned. He’ll never admit it out loud, because he was the one refusing to get a dog in the first place, but she won him over completely. Buck and Chris tease him about it, and he pretends he has no idea what they’re talking about, which apparently they find really funny.

“Hey, I thought you said no dogs on the couch?” Buck asks, running his fingers through Eddie’s hair, as he walks around the couch to sit next to Eddie. Well, Eddie and their little puppy, Luna, who’s curled up next to him, her head on Eddie’s lap, and she’s soundly snoring as he absentmindedly pets her. Buck sits down on his other side, and puts an arm around Eddie.

“Did I?” Eddie mutters, looking down at the adorable dog, and wondering what he could have been thinking then. “I don’t recall.” he adds, and Buck laughs. Eddie immediately shushes him. “She’s asleep, shut up.”

“Wow.” Buck whispers and rolls his eyes. “And you didn’t even want her.”

“Shh.”

“You guys are inseparable now. This was supposed to be Christopher’s dog.” Buck notices with amusement, and he’s only half right. It is Chris’ dog. But she really likes Eddie, and what can he do about it? But they’re not inseparable. Eddie and Buck might be even more now, but not Eddie and the dog.

“She is. Yours and Chris’. She just sat next to me.” Eddie says, looking back at the TV that’s so quiet it’s barely audible. Buck and Chris have been obsessed with the dog since the moment they saw her, and she loves to play with them both, but for some reason, whenever Chris is not there, she ends up hanging out with Eddie more. Buck always jokes that she could sense who was skeptical towards her and made it her mission to change his mind. Maybe there’s something to it.

“And you woke up at four to walk her this morning. And two days ago.” Buck points out, having way too much fun with this. So maybe Eddie’s willingly walking her now after claiming that he won’t, because he’s not the one who wants a dog, so what? He’s allowed to change his mind… again. “And didn’t she sleep in our bed last night?”

“That’s irrelevant.” Eddie responds, not able to resist a smile. He still can’t believe it’s our bed, and our home, and our son, and our life… and our dog – as much as Eddie wants to deny it, she stole his heart, just like she did Buck’s and Chris’. He won’t say that, though. “Someone has to walk her when you two can’t, and she already woke me up.” he shrugs.

“Oh, of course.” Buck laughs and kisses his cheek. “So you guys are not best friends yet?”

“No.” Eddie responds immediately, but his hand is still petting the dog, and he involuntarily smiles when she blinks her eyes open. “Hi, look who finally woke up.” he says softly, and ignores Buck chuckling – or tries to, but it’s Buck, and his laugh is one of his favorite sounds. Luna turns over, demanding belly rubs, and Eddie obliges.

“I love you so much.” Buck says, and when Eddie looks up at him, he immediately meets his eyes, filled with so much affection, it still takes Eddie by surprise.

“I love you, too.” Eddie responds, and just the fact that he can say it now is still making him grin like an idiot. 

“More than the dog?” Buck teases, and Eddie rolls his eyes, while Buck laughs once again. “I’m not hearing a no.”

“You’re insufferable.” Eddie leans over and kisses Buck, just to shut him up. He laughs into the kiss, and Eddie can’t believe how much he loves him, his heart is overflowing with it. One of them deepens the kiss, and Eddie’s just about to suggest they make the best out of Chris still being at school, while they have a day off, but then a few insistent barks interrupt them, and Eddie realizes he stopped petting the dog when he and Buck started kissing. He pulls away, and smirks. “Look, she’s just as clingy as you.”

“And apparently she wants all your attention, like me.” he looks at Luna. “You know he’s mine, right?” he gets another bark in response, before she apparently gets bored of not getting attention, and jumps off the couch, going to the kitchen, where she has her bowls and some of her toys, and they installed a dog door on the back door, so she can go to the backyard, where Eddie, Buck and Chris build a doghouse and fenced off a little area for her. It’s been a fun project, Buck was right. “Ha! Now I have you all to myself.” Buck grins, and leans in again.

Much later that night, they all watch a movie together, Christopher sits in between them, the puppy on his lap, Buck and Eddie’s hands intertwined on the back of the couch, because now that they’re allowed to, they never stop touching for longer than necessary. Maybe they’re both a little clingy. Eddie kind of loves it.

He looks at his family, his wonderful son, and his incredible partner, who’s holding his hand and smiles softly at him over their son’s head, and the dog that, there’s no denying, brought them together. Maybe it’d happen one day anyway, it probably would, but they got here quicker because Christopher and Buck really wanted a dog. And now they live together, they have a family and a life, and a future together. Eddie thinks that giving in to all the pleading and getting a dog was the best decision he could’ve made, and he’s so grateful for it. 

He brings Buck’s hand closer and kisses his knuckles, just because. He’s just overwhelmed with how happy he is right now. He doesn’t think he’s ever been more content in his life. And when Chris groans and complains that they’re being gross and constantly making out (which they’re not… at least not with Chris present), they just laugh, and look at each other, and it’s perfect. Their family is perfect. Eddie wouldn’t change it for the world.

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 5

Chapter 5 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, Eddie and Evan decide to get married, so Eddie can go off to war. Evan has to deal with being a parent alone, with Helena judging his parenting. Not to mention Eddie getting send back injured.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (slowburn)

Warnings: ableism, emotionally abusive parents, insecurity, homophobia

~~~

Chapter 5: Mr. & Mr. Convenience

They’ve run over the numbers an unholy amount of times. If Evan’s senior year math teacher saw him now, she’d have a surprised induced medical emergency with the amount of calculations he’s done. No matter how they count, Eddie is right. He’s going to have to re-enlist.

When the reality sinks in, Evan feels a fear grip his throat and softly he asks: “What’s going to happen to me and Chris if you do? You know your mom is never going to let me stay with him.”

A part of him thinks, this is it. I have finally overstayed my welcome and Eddie is going to leave to fight a war and Chris will go to his grandparents and I am no longer useful. It hurts, these past few years have been hard, but they’ve been so good too. He doesn’t want to lose the best family he has ever had over medical bills, but it seems like that will be his life.

Before his thoughts can spiral into anything more depressing, Eddie says: “They can’t do shit if you’re his legal guardian. We can do paperwork about that, right?”

“You want me to adopt Chris?” Evan has to check, because that can’t be right. This is the part where people leave, not where people pull him closer.

“Do you- do you not want to? I mean, you don’t have to, I get-” Eddie stutters, suddenly realizing just what he is asking Evan to do. He has already done so much, it keeps surprising him every day that he is still here.

“Of course I want to,” Evan cuts him off. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

“Evan, you’re basically his other dad. This will only make it official,” Eddie tells him as seriously and heartfelt as he can. He still isn’t great at emotions, but for Evan, for his family, he’s willing to try.

“Thank you,” Evan says, hugging him close, despite the awkward angle and the table digging into both their stomachs.

“No, thank you,” Eddie replies, glad that Evan starts crying so he doesn’t have to explain his own moist eyes.

He leaves Evan to go on a research binge about how to best tackle this, while he sits back, mentally trying to process what re-enlisting will mean. He’s going to have to say goodbye to Chris again. It seems even more difficult than it had been the first time around. They’re going to have to let his parents help again too.

As much as Eddie wishes he could, he knows Evan can’t take care of Chris by himself when he is gone. He is already doing way too much by trying. But Eddie is sure that if he lets Chris go to his parents now, he’ll never get him back. He can’t allow that to happen.

That helpless frustrated feeling is back and Eddie hates it. He needs to move. He wants to run away, but that isn’t possible. So, he makes a pot of coffee instead, it is already a late night and it’ll probably become a later one. He is used to it, but Evan is going to need the caffeine.

His own coffee is black, but Evan takes his with two sugars and way too much milk. Eddie thinks it is not how coffee is supposed to be drunk. No one likes the bitter taste, you just have to get used to it. However, he makes Evan his version of coffee without complaint.

When the coffee is done, he puts Evan’s mug next to him, taking a sip of his own as he leans his hand on the table, taking his place behind Evan’s chair to look over his shoulder to see what he’s doing, though not actually reading anything as he asks: “So, what did you find?”

Evan rubs his face with his hands as he takes a break from staring at the screen. He says: “All of them take a long time, too long for the timeline we’re working on with those bills. Unless you want to get married.”

Eddie can admit later that he chokes on the sip of coffee. However, he recovers in record time and actually thinks about it. He and Evan are a lot like a married couple when he thinks about it. They live together, raise a kid together, even sleep in the same bed (albeit practically never at the same time). He’s not gay and Evan has never mentioned being gay either, but you don’t have to be in love to be married. His marriage with Shannon wasn’t entirely out of pure love either. It’ll just be for convenience.

“Alright,” he says after a beat. “Let’s get married.”

“What? Are you serious?” Evan exclaims, giving Eddie wide eyes. He won’t mind being married to Eddie, even if it’s just so he can adopt Chris, but he never thought Mr. Toxic Masculinity Was My Childhood would go for it.

“Yeah, it’s legal right? And it’s the easiest. They don’t actually check if you fuck when you get married and take it from me, being divorced isn’t the end of the world either,” Eddie tells him.

A little feeling that Evan has been refusing to name feels a little crushed at the word ‘divorce’, but he doesn’t let it get to him. They’re friend. Best friends. And co-parents. He would withstand a lot for Chris, and it isn’t exactly a hardship to be married to Eddie. So he says: “Okay. Yeah. Sure. Let’s get married.”

“Cool,” Eddie smiles at him.

“Really? Cool?” Evan guffaws, playing it up to make Eddie laugh. “I don’t know if I’ll marry someone if their proposal consists of ‘cool,’ I’ll have you know.”

Eddie does, in fact, laugh, before dramatically dropping on one knee and saying: “Evan will you do me the honor of giving me tax benefits and parenting breaks.”

“You’re a fucking dork,” Evan informs him gleefully, though he’s unable to stop himself from blushing either.

“Is that an I do?” Eddie asks, leaning in and suddenly much closer than he has ever been.

Evan feels a little breathless as he nods: “Yeah, I- I guess it was.”

“Great,” Eddie smiles, then pulls back as he gets back up, groaning as he does so.

“You’re twenty-four, not eighty,” Evan rolls his eyes.

“Shut up,” Eddie retorts. “We should go to bed. We have a wedding to plan in the morning.”

He starts putting everything away and Evan follows suit in their familiar dance of doing the picking up. “We’re not actually going to plan a wedding, right? Or do you have your sights set on Chris being the ring bearer or something?”

“As adorable as that would be, we’re not actually going to plan a wedding. Do you have any idea how expensive those are?”

Evan doesn’t know how to feel about that exactly, but he lets it go for now. They get ready for bed together and get in. They’ve been sharing the bed for a long time now, but it’s feel weirdly different to lie next to each other now. Technically engaged.

After a few moments of them lying side by side staring at the ceiling, Eddie softly says: “You don’t have to, you know that right? It’s not as if my parents can come snatch him out of your hands.”

“I want to have the legal backing if I’m going to try and pick him up from Helena’s house after she babysits. I don’t think a kidnapping charge would look good on my record.”

“I know, I’m just saying that I won’t be mad if you change your mind or-”

“Shut up,” Evan hits him with his pillow, earning a squawk. “I want to, I’m going to. Now sleep, I have work in the morning.”

And that’s that.

They call the same lawyer that did Eddie’s divorce in the morning and Eddie goes over to get a prenup made, not wanting a repeat of having to sort everything like he had to do with Shannon, because this is just for now. This isn’t going to be permanent, at some point Evan is going to find someone he loves and marry her. Eddie doesn’t know why that thought stings.

He also gets the adoption paperwork ready for when they come over after their wedding. Doing that doesn’t leave the same weird feeling in his stomach, he just takes it to mean he’s making the right choice, letting Evan into his life more. If that’s even possible.

A week later they’re at a courthouse with only Chris as their witness. Both are unreasonably nervous and the press of lips feels weird, but also not. Neither can look the other in the eyes afterwards.

The people who work there take some pictures of them and it’s so ridiculous that it breaks the tension. The two of them, along with Chris, do some weird poses and they’re pretty happy with their wedding day photos, even if they’ll probably get stuffed in a drawer somewhere and then forgotten.

Neither of them think anything will really change, they tied the knot because it is convenient, not because they want to be married. It’s just the best solution they have for now.

This assumption is proven to be incorrect when they eat dinner the first day after they got married when Chris asks: “Did you have a good day, papi?”

Eddie startles a little and sends Evan a look to see if he knows what’s happening, because Eddie has always been daddy. By the looks of it, Evan is just as confused as he is. Eddie turns back to Chris and says: “It was good, mijo.”

“No, silly, not you,” Chris giggles. He is going through a phase where he likes the word silly, he thinks it sounds, you know, silly.

“Me?” Evan asks, eyes wide as he points at himself.

“Uh-huh,” Chris nods. “I told Ms. Jane you are married. She says you’re my daddy too. But daddy is already daddy.”

That makes a surprising amount of sense, but as much as Evan would adore being referred to as his dad by Chris, he doesn’t want the kid to do anything he doesn’t want to. “You don’t have to call me anything you don’t want to Chris. Not because Ms. Jane told you so.”

Eddie surprises him by adding: “But you are allowed to if you want to. You’re right. Evan is your other daddy.”

He meets Evan’s eyes when he says the last part, trying to imprint it onto him that he means it. If there is one thing he knows about Evan, it’s that he can be insecure. Like, they’re married and he’s still worried about overstepping.

Chris is quiet for a second, thinking, then he smiles: “Okay. I’m going to.” Before asking again: “So, did you have a good day, papi?”

“I did,” Evan smiles, thrilled at the development and endeared that Chris is asking him. He always asks the same when he comes home and it seems Chris has picked up on the habit.

Another thing that changes, is their relationship with Eddie’s parents. Evan doesn’t go with him to tell them he re-enlisted and Evan is taking care of Chris while he is away on tour. The news is not well received. Evan will swear he heard the yelling all the way back home.

When Eddie comes back, he looks about ten years older and Evan cautiously asks: “So, how did that go?”

“Well, let’s see,” Eddie sighs, rubbing his face, before ticking off on his hand. “If this were a real relationship, they’d never support it. They can’t believe I’d go this far to keep their grandchild from them. I’m a horrible father for leaving Chris. Again. Especially because I’m leaving him with you. But they are willing to work with us, for Chris’s sake.”

“That… That is a lot,” Evan says, processing what Eddie has just said.

“Yeah, it is.” Eddie throws himself on the couch next to him. “And I don’t trust their motives either, but it’s not like we have a choice.”

“No, we don’t,” Evan sighs, also slumping into the couch. “Beer?”

“Please.”

The Diaz parents knowing also has another side effect of their business being spread all over town, which half-helps against homophobes, because Ramon makes it very clear that his son is being a rebellious kid, who is making idiotic decisions and Evan is the queer villain, who is tricking their son and stealing their grandchild.

Not ideal rumors to have going around, but Evan has a lot of practice not letting things get to him and Chris is too happy of a presence and sadly also too used to whispers following him.

The whispers get worse when Eddie actually leaves, but Evan never tells him. He has enough to worry about in a war zone, he doesn’t need to deal with Evan’s hurt feelings. Unless they get to Chris, it’s not important.

God, Chris. Telling him daddy had to leave again is one of the hardest things either of them have ever had to do.

He screams and cries and refuses to let either of them go for days. Evan thinks he’ll never be able to forget Chris wailing: “No, daddy, no! You can’t go, because you come back, but then papi will leave, I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want either of you to leave.”

Evan hugs Chis close and promises: “Papi is never gonna go, sweetheart. I’m not going to leave you, even when daddy comes back. And he’s going to come, it’s not forever. And I’m going to be right here. Always. Okay? I promise.”

It’s the first time he ever referred to himself as papi, but he doesn’t even get to panic about it, too busy making sure Chris is okay. He teaches him the secret of the pinky promise, trying to ignore how Maddie didn’t keep her pinky promise to him. He vows that Chris will never have to learn that pinky promises are as meaningless as the normal ones.

When Eddie leaves, it is hard all over again. Evan and Chris drive him to the airport, Eddie in the backseat with Chris so they can cling to each other for as long as possible. Evan watches them fondly through the rear view mirror, heart aching and heavy, despite the fondness it is filled with.

He is about as ready as Chris is to drop Eddie off. He knows it’s for the best, did the math himself, then had someone more competent do the math as well. He would’ve offered to go instead in a heartbeat, but Eddie never would have let him. Evan knows he’s doing better for Chris, but sometimes it is so clear that he needs to be the man of the house. Needs to provide. So, here Evan is, having to let him go.

Evan doesn’t feel ready for it, but he supposes no parent feels ready to do it by themselves.

He’s seen how Shannon wasn’t ready and crumbled under it, seen the panic in Eddie’s eyes the day he realized he’d have to do it alone. He made sure Eddie never had to do it alone, but here he is and he is hoping with all he has that he’s not going to crumble like Shannon did. Chris won’t survive it if he does and he can’t do that to him. So he prays a little, even though he doesn’t really believe.

They park the car at the airport and Evan gets out alongside the others. Eddie unbuckles Chris, while Evan goes to grab his bags. Chris happily lets daddy carry him as far as he can, then tries to hold on for longer, hoping that if he can make him miss the flight, he won’t leave them.

It’s almost more heartbreaking than telling Chris when Evan has to pry his little fingers from Eddie’s clothes as Eddie backs up far enough that Chris can’t grab him again.

He holds Chris in his arms while he cries, pretty sure Eddie is crying too as he backs away further into the airport, still waving and refusing to turn his back on them until he absolutely has to. Evan wants to cry as well, but he keeps himself as strong as he can. For Chris. So, he takes Chris’s hand in his own and makes it wave, hoping that’ll be enough of something to make up for departure (he knows it won’t, nothing ever will).

The two of them stand there until Eddie has long since disappeared into the crowd. Neither of them are ready to leave yet. It’s almost as if they stand there long enough, Eddie will return.

Usually, it’s Eddie who makes the difficult calls, since he is Chris’s actual dad, no matter what the paperwork might tell you, so he has the final say. But now Evan is the one that has to make all the decisions, including the hard ones. So, he is the one that has to walk away.

Chris starts crying again the second he does and Evan doesn’t think he’ll ever feel like a worse person than he does in that moment, carrying a protesting, quivering, crying Chris back to the car and away from his dad.

Without Eddie there, the house is quiet. They lived alongside each other more than with each other for most of the time, but Evan is missing the little pockets of time he used to fill with Eddie.

It feels weirdly empty.

Lonely.

Especially the first few weeks when Chris doesn’t speak unless he has to. Evan knows Chris misses the empty spaces Eddie leaves more than him and he doesn’t blame the kid for being upset. It just hammers home how unprepared he is for this, how much he can’t do this alone, how he’ll never measure up to Eddie as a presence in Chris’s life.

However, Eddie calls. Evan can’t always be there when it happens and he knows it isn’t the same as having him there, but it gets Chris out of his shell again.

Those first weeks he only talks to Eddie, then he slowly starts talking to Evan again. A few days later, he talks to his grandparents too, something he learns because a smug Helena informs him of it when he comes to pick up Chris.

She is going to use it as a reason she should keep Chris there longer, since he is obviously more comfortable there. She hadn’t been able to sway Eddie before he left, but she has been trying again with Evan from the second they came back from the airport.

But, Buckley stubbornness is nothing to sniff at, so he just smiles pleasantly and says: “Good to hear he’s opened up here too. He was already talking at home a few days ago, but for a second there it seemed me and Eddie were the only ones that were going to hear his voice, it’s nice that he’s coming back to himself. Settling in again.” And Buckley pettiness is also pretty strong.

Helena’s face drops at that, twisting into something displeased as she replies: “Yes, with his sensibilities, it’s good that he’s recovering from the shock Eddie put him through.”

Talking to Helena always leaves a sour taste in his mouth and the time he spends talking with her has increased considerably since Eddie left. He specifically doesn’t like how she undermines Eddie and babies Chris. It gets on his nerves. His two Diaz boys are capable and she doesn’t get to decide they aren’t.

It makes his blood boil and he wants to fight her every single time he comes to pick up Chris. But he doesn’t want Chris to grow up around arguing, and neither does Eddie. It’s one of the things that they agreed on when it came up during the late nights when Eddie opened up about everything. How Chris has been around enough arguing already.

So, he tries to bite his tongue and scrounges up some sympathy to extend to Shannon for putting up with it for three years. Though, when he reflects, he’s also getting to the three years. He met Chris when he was three and birthday number six is coming up. It’s crazy how his short stop in El Paso for some more travel money devolved so quickly. Not that he regrets a thing.

With strained politeness, he forces out: “Chris is a strong kid and Eddie is caring for him, he knows that. He just has to adjust. Now, we need to go.” A little louder he calls out: “You got your stuff, Superman?”

“Yes, papi,” Chris calls back and he sees how Helena’s face sours even more at that.

She doesn’t like that he lets Chris walk to the car by himself and she certainly doesn’t like that he calls Evan papi. If it were up to her, Evan would’ve never met Chris or Eddie. He should have disappeared right alongside Shannon and the fact that he didn’t is quite the affront to her. Evan tries not to care, he’s used to parents not wanting to have him around, he can take it.

As Chris makes his way to the car, she can’t help but comment: “Be careful Chris that is dangerous, let Evan carry you.”

“Do you want to be carried, Chris?” Evan asks, before she can continue or Chris can reply.

“No, I can do it,” Chris says.

Evan shoots her a look that says ‘what can you do?’ not being very apologetic or genuine about it as he says: “He can do it.”

He allows himself those little petty moments. To stay sane. He can do a lot by himself, but with his hours he can’t pick up Chris from kindergarten, so he has to rely on Helena – and Ramon when he is in town – to do it for him and watch him until he is let off.

It’s not optimal, but he makes do. Eddie trusts him with his kid, Eddie married him, so Chris would be taken care of. That is so far beyond what anyone has ever granted Evan and he refuses to let him down. Even if school gets tense around him being in Chris and Eddie’s life like that and they have to switch where Chris does his PT.

Chris blows out his six birthday candles on a video call with daddy, surrounded by strained family relations. It’s not much better than his fifth, which he spend crying because mommy didn’t come back to celebrate. Evan hopes his seventh birthday will be better.

Evan tries his best to make it a good birthday, he saved up to buy him some nice presents, plays nice with Helena and Ramon, and showers Chris with as much love and attention as he can, trying to make up for the two missing parents.

He forces on cheer the whole day, infusing the birthday with as much love and happiness as he can, then tucks Chris in bed at the end of the night, crawls into his own and cries.

He cries, because he doesn’t want to do this alone, he can’t give Chris the childhood he deserves and he doesn’t know why Eddie trusts him with it, because he’s incompetent Evan. The child his parents don’t want, the idiot who couldn’t finish college and traveled all over to escape his failure and the disappointment. Who accidentally tripped into the best thing that has ever happened to him and is now ruining it.

Chris is old enough that he’ll remember this period. He’s likely not going to know much from Shannon’s struggles, but he’ll remember Evan’s. He will remember how much Evan can’t measure up against all the other people that care for him, how he lets Chris call him papi even though he doesn’t deserve the title at all.

Evan is probably fucking Chris over for life and he can’t stop, can’t walk away, because the only thing he can imagine that is worse than being bad at raising Chris, is not raising Chris at all.

Still, the overwhelming feeling of being insufficient and being lonely presses down on him and he cries a little more, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. That night he wishes Eddie would be there with them again and he is pretty sure Chris wished the same when he blew out those candles.

He regrets making that wish a few months later when he picks up the phone to find a very official voice asking if he is speaking to Evan Buckley, husband of Eddie Diaz.

It’s still weird to hear that said out loud, despite being married for almost a year now, because no one around him acknowledges it really. Not that’s real, beyond the fact that it is real. So he stumbles for a moment as he says: “Y- yeah, uhm, yes, that’s me.”

“We’re calling you, because of an incident involving your husband,” the person on the other end informs him and his stomach just drops, the world collapsing in on itself.

No. No.

This can’t be the call. His legs are jello and his lungs aren’t working.

The voice continues on: “He was injured in this incident and has been transported to Germany to recover, once he is stable enough to make the journey, we’ll bring him home to you,” which brings some relief, because he’s not dead, but Evan’s world is still off kilter, because Eddie is injured.

Eddie is injured. Eddie is badly injured. He isn’t stable enough to come home. He could have died out there.

There is a buzzing in his ears and he is perceiving at the world as if he’s looking through a layer of water. Dazed he makes it through the rest of the conversation with the military person about the state Eddie is in and the logistics of getting him home and getting into contact with him. He retains it all, because it’s important, but it doesn’t feel real. He doesn’t want it to be real.

Evan feels entirely disconnected from his body, because yeah, Eddie is alive. Eddie is probably going to be okay. But for a second there, Eddie might not have been. For a second Evan thought he was getting a very, very different call.

And that scares the shit out of him.

That moment wherein Eddie wasn’t coming back, wherein Evan wasn’t just taking care of Chris by himself until Eddie came back, but had to do it alone for the rest of his life, that scares him.

He keeps telling himself it scares him, because Chris would have been devastated by the news that daddy is never coming home. That it’s not about Evan, but about the kid that is his son, because Evan is just the guy that Eddie married so he wouldn’t have to fight his parents. Because Eddie will come back from war, divorce him and try to find stability without him. That Evan only has a place in his life, because he’s useful to Chris.

But he is realizing now that it isn’t just Chris, who has been waiting for a loved one to come home, it’s Evan too.

It’s a horrible thing, to finally name that thing you’ve been ignoring as nothing but a small crush as love. To realize it’s much more than a fleeting thing, that you’re in love with his best friend while he’s injured and on the other side of the world and you’re at home watching his kid, married to him, but not together.

So, he collapses, lets himself cry and grieve a relationship that will probably never be, then pulls himself back together again. He can’t break down, he still has to tell Chris daddy got hurt.

~~

A/N:

I am making up legalities for the fic, I do not actually know how to adopt a child easily and it can be wildly inaccurate, but I don’t care, bc it helps my plot xp

Also Chris would be hit harder with this additional third tour I’m giving Eddie, since he’s older and can process the leaving, especially after Shannon already left, so I’m hoping it’s not too out of character for people, since I do also love our resident sunshine boy :D

(in my mind he did a tour when Shannon was pregnant, then after she gave birth and now this one)

[babygirl-diaz]

In which Sammy has watched far too many soap operas and has therefore created an evil twin for Buck and is now giving you headcanons you did not ask for. Also, it's an omegaverse. 🤷‍♀️

Hello, It's Buck's twin, Muck. I'm just kidding, it's Buck's twin...uh... Eric? Yep, Eric will do. So Eric runs away when he is 17 years old and the Buckley parents are too pissed at him to look for him.

When Buck leaves home at 19 and travels around North and South America, he hopes he will find his twin again. Because how hard could it be to find the guy who looks exactly like you?

Turns out it's very hard. Instead of finding his twin, Buck ends up finding Eddie. An army medic who was in Peru on his leave. Eddie is an omega and they end up spending his heat together. Eddie leaves after a few days, sneaking out before Buck wakes up and Buck is left a little heartbroken.

Four years later, Buck joins the 118, but his brother always remains at the back of his mind and so does Eddie. He still hopes to find them someday.

Two years after that, Eddie joins the 118. Buck is excited to see him. But Eddie doesn't even seem to remember him, which breaks Buck's heart all over again.

Buck wants to punish Eddie for not remembering him so he is at odds with him at first. The two butt heads with each other just don't get along. But then they are forced to work together during the earthquake and come to like and respect each other, and become friends.

And then Buck meets Eddie's son...

He can't help but notice how the kid somewhat looks like him. The curly hair. The blue eyes. Could be a coincidence... Right?

Buck doesn't press and Eddie says nothing. When Buck's curiosity gets the best of him, he asks Eddie about Chris' other parent and Eddie tells him he and his ex-wife, Shannon, who was also an omega, had the baby through an alpha donor.

Buck is disappointed, to say the least.

And then there is a car crash and with it, Buck's entire world starts crashing down around him.

When the 118 get to the scene, they realize that the alpha in the car crash looks EXACTLY like Buck.

The man in the car crash turns out to be Dr. Jeremy Stanford, a neurosurgeon with the UCLA hospital, much to Buck's confusion.

With all eyes on Buck, he is forced to confess that he has a twin brother who ran away from home when he was 17 years old.

When "Jeremy" wakes up in the hospital, Buck and Maddie are right there, waiting for answers.

Jeremy tells them he ran away from home because he couldn't deal with their parents anymore and he hated the fact that their parents cared more for Buck and Maddie than they did for him. Turns out, with the help of someone he got to California, and because of his smarts, he got into Stanford. He called himself Jeremy because he always loved Jeremy Irons' voice as Scar in The Lion King (foreshadowing are we?) and Stanford because he always loved the school and it gave him a second chance.

Maddie and Buck don't know what to make of this, but they are happy to have their brother back.

Buck and Jeremy start hanging out and Buck even introduces his brother to the 118.

Buck, who has been playing a long game this entire time, is heartbroken once again when Jeremy asks Eddie out. Eddie doesn't know what to say so he asks Buck and Buck being the self-sacrificial fool he is, tells Eddie to go for it.

Oh, and up to this point, Buck has become very close to the Diaz boys. Christopher adores him and Buck adores him back.

But with Jeremy in the picture, Eddie and Christopher spend less and less time with Buck. In fact, even Maddie spends more time with Jeremy than she does with him.

Buck can't help but feel jealous that Jeremy is stealing their time but he tells himself that after everything Jeremy has been through, he deserves a family, so he backs off.

Jeremy shows up everywhere and everyone loves him, and Buck feels like everyone in his life is getting further away from him.

One thing Buck does notice is that Jeremy doesn't let Buck and Eddie hang out with each other. He always comes along with Eddie.

Then one day Jeremy declares he is Christopher's biological dad, much to Buck's horror. Eddie tells him he met Jeremy in Peru where he was going by the name E.B. and the two spent Eddie's heat together, after which Eddie found out he was pregnant. Eddie admits when he first joined the 118, he thought Buck was E.B. but since Buck said nothing, Eddie didn't press. Also, he was scared that Buck would take his son away if he found out that Christopher was his. But it made much more sense to Eddie that Jeremy was the real dad and not Buck.

Buck feels his entire world shatter. He found and lost his kid in the same breath. He wants to tell Eddie that he is E.B. and not Jeremy but he doesn't think Eddie will believe him, so he confronts Jeremy instead.

And that's when Jeremy shows his true colors...

He just wanted to destroy Buck's life because Buck got to have the life that he wanted. So now he wants to take everything away from Buck. Starting with the man Buck loves and the kid that is actually his.

Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnn....

That's all I have for now, folks. And like I said, I am a storyteller, not a writer.

[bringbackavac]

i used to think i couldn’t hate the diaz parents because they reminded me of my parents (especially as a first born who also got dumped so much responsibility and expectations at a very young age) (i’m only a year older than my sister) + the fact that they actually had a whole unpacking and sincere apology episode had me softened up.

but!!! recently, the more i thought about it, about how long chris has been away and how up till now we still haven’t had ANY conversations/efforts on bringing him back got me SO IFFY about them. the way they just went and took christopher away without having a full fruitful conversation with eddie feels SO WRONG.

(not a single question about how is he, how did this even happen, how did even chris reach that solution to call them, is eddie okay? with everything that happened? with chris wanting to go to texas for the summer? discussing how long is chris gonna stay? what measures should they take as father + grandparents unit to approach an emotionally unstable and most possibly traumatized teen with escapism as a coping mechanism instead of talking it out, etc.)

they could’ve gave eddie the lead on what to do (AS THE FATHER??? which should be a given???), help him reach a decision, trying to help the father and son talk it out. maybe staying a few nights to see if a conversation really could be made to the kid and letting eddie handle it all first, with them as a middle man, instead of just up and dragging chris on the same day and leaving you ACTUAL child all alone in confusion and grief…

his whole life just got fucked sideways and you take his only stability, his only responsibility, the only pole of his nuclear family in keeping him the slightest bit sane, his single pride and joy, his main source of happiness, thinking it would help them both???

all that and we see ZERO of the diaz parents not making an effort to check in, update on chris’s wellbeing, keeping a communication line open still. even if the kid doesnt want to talk to his dad, they could’ve been a facilitatior and (again) the middle man for these things, on really trying to patch up the father and child relationship instead of KEEPING SAID CHILD SITTING AND STEWING ON HIS FRAZZLED THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS!!!

i really can’t believe they really thought they were “helping eddie and chris” and “thinking whats best for them both” because the request to temporarily move away to a state wayyy too far from his life just so he can not-face his father after a gigantic issue from a child?? a growing teenager with imbalanced growth hormones that affects their emotions and rational thinking abilities should’ve IMMEDIATELY activated red warning lights inside their brains.

never seem to consider that after the summer break, chris still needs to go to school wether he likes it or not. chris still needs to face his father wether he likes it or not, because eddie is still his father. instead letting the teenager taking the reigns in all the decision making based on his rage, confusion and overwhelming emotions.

and eddie, obviously never having a great example of openly communicative and solutive parents who talks together instead of barging in gunz-a-blazin’ or throwing blame and shame towards their problems (exhibit Z: this whole tragedy) + the guilt + limited emotional processing as a child, is still struggling to process his own internal issues and on how to be firm and strict to his own child

who is still a TEEN btw.. who’s first thought to solving a problem was running away to a faraway state m from home with no concrete return time.

the diaz parents must really be believe they’re helping by jumping straight in the wagon with no communication and assesments, when in reality they’re HELPING NOTHING??? other than prolonging the issue… they’re just making it worse and worse causing both fathe/child NOT getting the facilities and help to start the healing/resolving process they so desperately need and deserve.

TLDR: i hate the diaz parents, and eddie needs to step up and take charge with boundaries and decisions

[dangerpronebuddie]

Now that it's been pointed out to me, I can NOT stop thinking about it! It's a long ramble, so it's under the cut.

Eddie runs when things get tough.

Shannon got pregnant-> military

Shannon wants to move-> he shuts her out

Parents want to take Chris-> moves away

I am in no way blaming Shannon here, but I am saying that this is probably where most of this behavior was learned. It could even be from Ramon always being away, and being emotionally absent when he was present.

The thing is, when Eddie ran, no one stopped him. Shannon didn't put up a fight when he joined up. His parents let him walk away. When Buck wants to talk about the shooting and Eddie shuts down, Buck doesn't push.

So Eddie has learned he can get away with it. No one's going to push back, so why push at all?

I have noticed that he doesn't enter arguments unless provoked. When he comes home from Afghanistan, his parents and Shannon criticize every little thing. So he puts up his carefully crafted walls and shuts them out. He only starts the peacocking gym fight when Buck turns his aggression on Chimney.

Now the grocery store fight is a whole other ballgame. It's grief disguised as anger. I will admit, and I will die on this hill, that Eddie's "you're exhausting" comment was uncalled for and I would've burst into tears if someone said that to me. But that's what grief does to him. It's so overwhelming, and having grown up in a house where he had to be the man of the house as a child, showing no emotion, it's not surprising. If you're not angry when you're upset, you're not a man.

But I'm getting off track (as usual.)

My point is, no one's given him reason to keep fighting through the issue, so he simply walks away from it.

Which makes the cemetery scene even more incredible and interesting. Frank is my hero, honestly, and Eddie's growth has been amazing to watch. He's not running from Buck in the cemetery scene, he's offering Buck the chance to fight for them.

Instead of taking the lead, being in control, or walking away, he's giving the reigns to Buck. His last attempts at trying to get Buck to get over his near death experiences didn't work. He tried to get Buck out of his own head with the ladder truck, so he makes Buck go out into the world again. Only to be caught in a tsunami. He tries again (poorly) in the grocery store scene, asking him why he can't move on and suck it up. These attempts only made Buck internalize his emotions. Because that's all Eddie knew.

Thanks to Frank, Eddie's learning. So instead of inserting himself into Buck's issues and trying to make things right as fast as possible, he's actually allowing Buck "time to process" (seriously, how could Eddie possibly give such advice to others when he couldn't follow his own in s4?)

He lets Buck come to him in 6x12, and only asks how Buck's really doing after they talk. He's trying to follow Buck's lead for a change.

Same with the cemetery and "you don't have to be anything for anybody." Buck keeps looking to Eddie like Eddie's supposed to tell him what to do, but Eddie's learned that that doesn't work. Buck HAS to make decisions for himself or he's never going to grow. So, Eddie thinks that if Natalia is who Buck wants, then he won't stop him.

Now he did comment on how it was a bad idea for Buck to date people they've met on calls (kinda hypocritical dude!), but that's the only objection he's voiced.

Something else just popped into my head about how Eddie came to this conclusion. He saw Buck with Taylor and without her. Guess which version he preferred? Which version was happier?

That's because, when Buck breaks up with her, it's his decision. He chose to end things instead of waiting for "when the woman flees." Buck stumbles into relationships, and waits for shit to hit the fan. He doesn't put in the work either.

Buddie can either be really really good or really really bad with this. Eddie leaving the ball in Buck's court lets Buck make the decision to be with Eddie. He has to confess, because Eddie's resigned himself to pining forever. When Buck does, they can either have hundreds of problems, or learn to communicate and operate as a couple.

Forcing the decision into Buck's hands makes him choose for himself what he wants. Buck always has to be chosen, but Eddie's telling him he doesn't have to be. Eddie's always choosing, so giving Buck the lead is not only a huge display of trust, but it's a giant step forward in terms of how Eddie handles relationships.

Now, had Eddie not done this, this might've been a major issue for them. Buck would keep following Eddie's lead, not put in any effort, and Eddie would bail the moment they had even a small tiff.

But thanks to giving the decision to Buck, they have a better chance at a successful ship.

What needs to happen now is they need to address the things they haven't dared talk about. Namely the will, the shooting, and the lightning.

I know the show doesn't leave loose ends, and foreshadowing (especially when it comes to Eddie) can take several seasons to unfold. So, it's not improbable that the Will will be brought up again. I know they talked about Buck's death and the shooting, but not what it did to each other. And, I have a little theory about Eddie's comments about the shooting.

He remembers more. His body language in that scene absolutely says so. He barely looks at Buck, does a subtle head shake, and keeps his comments to a minimum. Because he needed to in that moment. Telling Buck everything he actually remembered wasn't what Buck needed. Buck needed the assurance that he was going to get better. That he'd actually process it. Eddie couldn't tell him the whole truth and expect Buck to feel fine about it.

Welp... this got way out of hand very quickly. Random thoughts while doing dishes will do that, I guess. I just think the cemetery scene has a lot more layers than I first noticed, and every time I think about these two, something new to analyze comes up.

[swiftiefirefighters]

100% agree. I love that eddie wanted to respect christopher's wishes and give him space but the way his parents are encouraging it (and building chris a pool??) is just teaching him he can run away from his problems. Eddie made mistakes yeah but he's a good dad, his son doesn't need to be "saved" from him. I hope at some point he remembers his parents have no legal rights here. 3 months is enough playing nice

I really really hope that's one of the things that's going to come to a head at some point early in the season. Because Eddie does need to realize he's more than just a dad, sure, I get that. But he also needs to realize that he's a *good* dad, that he loves his son and he fucked up, but that's his kid and his whole thing has always been that he'll fight for him. Eddie ran. Shannon ran. Chris ran. Eddie can break this cycle and I'm so ready to see him do it.

[unsteadylilactree]

A list of things that should be proof of buddie and would be if one of them wasn't a guy Part 14

Season 4

nothing in 4x07

4x08

Buck babysitting for Eddie except Buddie are more domestic than Eddie and Ana on their date. (Also they specifically framed the Eddieana date to be a misdirect and show that they were taking it glacially slow)

Chris has his priorities straight lol he doesn't want Eddie to have a gf

AND THEN CHRIS RUNS AWAY TO BUCK'S PLACE

This entire episode is just screaming that Eddie, Buck, and Chris work best as a family unit (*whispers conspiratorially* 'THE UNIVERSE IS SCREAMING AND YOU REFUSE TO LISTEN')

nothing in 4x09, 4x10, 4x11

4x12

Eddie being jealous that Buck was looking for the treasure with Taylor and not him :( ('i'll just be over here then. thinking. by myself. go team')

4x13

eddie reaching for buck

buck crawling under the truck to get him

eddie waking up just to ask if buck was okay

I've only seen buck this distraught at the well

4x14

Buck breaking down when he's telling Chris (specifically after finding out that Eddie should be okay)

Buck being the one to look after Chris (second. parent.)

Ana called Buck first when Eddie woke up?? did Eddie ask for him?

Eddie making sure Buck is okay

"you were there for him when i couldn't be. That's what matters"

"If i die you become Christopher's legal guardian" NOW WHY WOULD THAT BE HERE FOR ANY OTHER REASON THAN BUDDIE, HUH?

"But no one will ever fight for my son as hard as you"

BECAUSE, EVAN

the fact that Buck was the one to take eddie home from the hospital

in that scene, we focus on Eddie, Buck, and Chris, there's no hug with ana or anything until later.

Oh, that was a shorter season. Welp, that's all for now because I can't access season 5 in my country and there's so much in that season.

[suaine]

6x15 coda | Eddie goes to El Paso and talks to his mom | 1.5k

read on AO3

Even though he thinks of LA as home these days, El Paso is where he grew up, where he met Shannon, where Chris was born. El Paso has his heart in ways that LA could never understand and never replicate. Eddie sits on his parents’ porch late at night and listens to the noise of late spring in Texas. They are far enough outside the city for nature to replace the sounds of humans and it’s a symphony he knows well, white noise that is working away at the noise in his head.

Eddie knows it won’t drown it out altogether, but maybe if he just sits here for a while, he’ll be able to sleep.

It’s entirely dark when he hears the screen door open and close, a distinct sound that reminds him of a childhood running after his sisters as they start a new game and draw him in. Eddie smiles to himself but it feels heavy somehow, like he’s saying goodbye to something.

His mother sits next to him without a word but she hands him a steaming mug of coffee, the way he used to drink it, a little more bitter and less frivolous than he has come to enjoy it. There’s a softness to him now he has never allowed himself to feel when he was younger.

“Thanks,” Eddie says, eyes still on the horizon. The desert stares back at him with a vastness that would be terrifying if he was here alone. But he’s not alone and that’s something he’s slowly letting himself believe.

His mother hums and takes a sip from her own mug. “You looked like you needed it.”

Eddie has never doubted his mother’s love for him, not the way Buck always struggled with his own parents, but she has a way about her that makes it hard to be truly open. They have that in common, walls so high that no one can climb over them, only knock them down.

“Pepa talked to you,” he says, suddenly certain that this is why she’s been pushing for them to come visit.

His mother sighs. “She means well. Ramon and Pepa and your abuela, they all love you so much. They only want the best for you, all in their own way.” She rests her hand on his knee. “But they don’t know you like I do.”

Eddie shakes his head, but not because she is wrong. There is a connection between them, something so primal it’s hard to put into words. They’re too similar to get along, sometimes, too broken in the same ways to really communicate. “I’ve been thinking about Shannon a lot,” he says and his mother tenses.

“Ah.” It’s a sound that stands alone, that encompasses so much hurt and misunderstanding and guilt.

“I know you never liked her,” he says, weary and unwilling to fight over choices he made long ago.

But his mother huffs. “I liked her fine,” she says, “I just didn’t like her for you.”

A brittle, nasty laugh breaks out of Eddie’s chest. “Yeah, that’s just the same thing dressed up for church.”

“Eddie,” she says. She sounds weary, too. “You are my son.” Her voice suddenly sounds foreign, harder, like she’s speaking from a place far north, half a world away. “You are my son and that’s something I’ve tried to shield you from more than you know.”

Eddie thinks about all of the times in his childhood when his mother insisted to cook his abuela’s recipes, to celebrate their holidays the Mexican way, to hide herself in his father’s culture. How he calls her abuela when he speaks to Christopher and never thought to learn Swedish, a language that was never spoken in this house.

“When I met your father, he was warm and full of life, and I knew that I would follow him anywhere. But I was glad it was here.” She looks out at the desert. “It is easy to say I love you in English.”

Growing up, he and his sisters sometimes laughed about his mother’s accent when she spoke Spanish, but it’s only now that he’s letting himself think about the fact she learned two languages for them and never spoke her own.

“Shannon was a good girl, but you and her were two kids clinging to each other because the world was a scary place and you recognized a kindred spirit. I know, because I saw a lot of myself in her. And there is too much of me in you.”

Eddie is silent. There is nothing he can say.

“She died before either of you could find out that you were walking the same path in different directions.”

Eddie swallows hard, a sudden lump constricting his throat. “Before, uh, before she died. Shannon, she wanted a divorce.”

He’s never told his mother this because he was afraid of the vindication she would feel. Knowing that she was always right and showing it, making him feel young and foolish. But she doesn’t do that now, only sighs and leans closer, wrapping her arms around him. “Oh, Eddie, my poor boy.”

And he doesn’t know why this is what sets him off, that lets the tears finally run freely. But he is burning with it, tears running hot and wet down his face, his every breath a sob that shakes him to the core. “She- she said she needed to learn to be a mother first. That she couldn’t be both.”

His mother is running soft hands down his back and through his hair, humming something that could be a lullaby, but one he’s never heard before. Eddie lets himself be held and allows his tears to fall freely.

It takes hours, years, minutes, a moment. But the weight on his chest is lighter and the noise in his head is quieter. It feels like the desert just after a thunderstorm.

His mother lets him go as he pushes away slowly, but her eyes are on his, searching for something. She nods when she finds what she’s looking for and puts her hands on his face, rubbing the tear tracks with her thumbs. There is a light in her that Eddie has never let himself see, always eclipsed by the Texas sun.

“When you find the one you want to be with, you will know, because they will burn brighter than the sun. They will make you feel warm and safe and loved like no one else ever has.”

She smiles and Eddie feels the way she carefully avoids gender like a punch to the chest. How could she know when he hasn’t let himself even think about that part of himself? Has it always been there? And worse than that, when her words fall on him, each one stings with the knowledge that he has found his person long ago, has found exactly this feeling and is maybe too scared to ever do something about it.

“What if- what if they don’t want me back?” It’s the fear that keeps him locked up tight, running everywhere but where he wants to be.

His mother smiles. “Eddito,” she says, her accent so familiar it wraps around him like a blanket, “anyone would be lucky to have you. When he sees you, he will love you.”

He already does, Eddie knows that, just maybe not the way Eddie wants. And oh.

Oh, his mother knows this, too. Eddie doesn’t talk about Buck to his parents, tries to keep what they have, this weird, fragile little family that is always, always on a deadline, to himself as much as possible. But of course, his mother talks to her grandson and Chris has no such problems gushing about the man that’s taking up so much space in their lives.

What Eddie doesn’t say is as loud as the things he does and his mother has been hearing him his whole life. But she is like him, and he is like her, unable to put words to the emotions that are so heavy and vast in his chest. It’s not that they don’t feel, the two of them, it’s that they feel in ways that are hard to translate.

“Mom, I-” He stops, frustrated with himself and his silence.

She puts a finger to her lips and taps twice, shaking her head. “You don’t have to explain. You don’t have to say anything before you’re ready. But I think you will be ready soon and we will be here when you are.”

A new silence falls between them. It feels lighter, more complicit, like they are sharing a secret in the dark. Eddie drinks the last of his coffee, long since cooled to the ambient temperature. It tastes bitter.

“Mom, I have to tell you something. I actually like my coffee with oat milk and sugar these days,” he says, because he can’t say everything else.

She pats his back and nods. “Then we’ll make another pot.”

Eddie smiles at her. “That sounds like a great idea.”

[lovecolibri]

Before temu no one in the fandom really disputed buck being a co parent to buck. Like, it was just known. But now, we are attacked for even thinking it. They like to use “fun uncle”, but if he was simply the “fun uncle” why did they make buck be the one to tell Christopher what happened to his dad. Why make Chris call buck when his dad was breaking down. Why did Chris leave to buck on the chances of his dad dating again. Why does the show continue to have buck be involved in HUGE moments in Chris’s life. Why involve buck in 7x10. Why CONTINUE to have him be there with the Diaz family? Why? Why? Why? Why have the show allude to “good cop bad cop” and BOTH answering no. Why, “he takes Christopher there all the time” (the zoo). Why does buck essentially have be there, for Chris, after his dad is in the hospital ? Carla was already there and yet he’s there? Eddie has the breakdown? Buck takes him to school. Buck helping Chris with his school project? Buck Diaz having multiple dinners together? That’s the fun uncle? Where is all this with bucks own niece? Last but not least, they LOVE to use “Buck is a scapegoat” in 7x10 but Eddie himself says to Buck “I-I don't need you to explain it to him, I just...I need you to check in on him. I'm worried. He won't come out”. There he is never one asking anything of buck but to simply see how Chris is doing after everything. NEVER does he try to sway Chris’s opinions or trick him or anything of the sort. It reminds me of the talk Chris and buck had in earlier seasons of where Chris ran to buck. And buck and Chris simply had a heartfelt talk.

I just saw the scapegoat thing today and legit about lost my mind laughing. Do you honestly think there is ANYWHERE in the WORLD Buck would rather be, that with his Diaz boys, especially when things are bad? What did Buck say? "When you're at your worst and they're at their worst and you keep trying anyway". He stepped back ONE TIME in season 3, and not even because he WANTED to, but because legally he HAD to, and didn't think anyone would notice or care. But Eddie made him realize his place in their family, and Buck has never again NOT been there for Chris and Eddie. Ever. He dips on whatever date he and tay kay were gonna go on when Chris calls about Eddie's breakdown. He dips on whatever date he and T were supposed to have when he sees Kim because he is worried about Eddie.

And the big thing is, most of the time Eddie doesn't even ask him to! Eddie is not calling Buck and telling him to drop everything and solve his problems, Buck is just alread THERE, being the other parent. Because he wants to be. Because he LOVES them. Because they are his FAMILY. And when Eddie DOES ask? It's because he knows that Buck has his own relationship with Chris and, as Ryan said, if Eddie isn't getting through maybe Buck will, and if not, then at least Chris knows he has TWO parents he can go to if he's ready to open up or if he needs anything. It's also incredibly telling that in s4 when Chris was mad about Eddie dating he ran to Buck, but at this point after all they've been through and how much more Buck has stepped up, when Chris is mad at Eddie, he calls his GRANDPARENTS, because he knows Buck and Eddie are a unit. A united front. He can't run from Eddie by running to Buck because he knows Buck is going to steer him back to Eddie which he WANTED in s4, but doesn't want right now. He wants to run away, escape, and he knows Buck won't let him do that, while Helena and Ramon are all to happy to baby him and let him wallow.

ANYWAY. Chris has two dads and people can be mad about it all they like, but it doesn't change the facts 🤷🏻‍♀️ Chim got caught trying to sneak extra cookies to Denny and Mara like a "fun uncle", meanwhile Buck is reminding Chris they have to have dinner first before cookies like a parent.

[silver-and-stars]

Rewatching from season 4

Turns out it's the Buck Begins' season (how appropriate) and

How I HATE his parents ("You have to know, we never blame you" HE HAS TO KNOW ??? Let me hit them with a shovel PLEASE). They are all nice and open now but I hate them even more for that. In season 6 they made a 180° turn, like nothing happened, with Buck and Maddie (my poor Maddie). They deserved at least a harsh slap, they deserved a way meaner treatment. What is it with the Madney family and wanting to introduce to your kid your shitty parents that gave you trauma so she can have "a normal family" ? You mean a family with history of neglect and emotional abuse ? She doesn't need grandparents like that. Sometimes nothing is better. CUT TIES WITH EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE PARENTS. DO IT. and do like Buck, go see a psychologist. Otherwise they will keep eating at you even after their death. It's like poison.

Damn I love the 118 family. When they all come into frame to help Buck in the fire. Ouch my feelings (with So Far playing in the back, double Ouch)

So much Buddie in those first episodes, unparasited by poitnless love interests (I'm not talking about Tommy), at least until episode 6. Now that my hope is rekindled I fear the disappointment.

Next episode Bobby goes "Hey" at the fake firefighter, the guy runs away and IMMEDIATELY Buck goes "I got it" and start running after the guy, yelling "Hey, I just wanna talk" while the guy tries to escape him. Peak golden Retriever moment. I love him.

That probably makes me a bad person but I'm living for the scene where Buck tells Chris Eddie got shot (a+ acting) and how Buck is barely holding it together, crying while trying to stay strong for Chris and then breaking down once he gets the news Eddie is gonna be fine. He was so scared and is so relieved. And he makes, once again, a GREAT parent. (Also Athena holding that riffle is.... 🤌🏻)

And then Buck does that heroic but reckless crane rescue, being maybe a tiny tiny bit suicidal cause Eddie got shot and it should be him instead, and he is happy about the rescue but then his eyes meet Bobby's and oh nooo, Dad is pissed. I adore the Buck-Bobby dynamic. One had SHITTY parents, the other lost his children, but now here they are having that father-son bound. Those relationship between the characters in the heart of the show and why I keep watching even when all those accidents and calls starts to stress me or make me paranoid.

For MONTHS Eddie was walking around, knowing he wrote Buck into his will like "yeah if I die that man will take care of my son" LIKE BRO. He trusts him with his life but, stronger than that, he trusts him with his son's. And then Eddie gets shot, standing in front of Buck. He doesn't remember anything after hitting the ground but I wonder if he thought about that, about his son and if he was relieved to think Buck would be there for his kid. DUDE. And Buck tells him it would have been better if he was shot instead of Eddie, like he doesn't matter. Buck, who feels worthless unless he is a firefighter, who felt unwanted, is who Eddie choose to look after his son if he dies, the one Eddie is ready to entrust his son's life and happiness to. And Eddie sees him thinking so little of himself. And he is freaking wrong. Pretty much all the 118 fam at some point must have wanted to shake Buck to make him understands he matters A LOT to them. But Buck doesn't believe that yet because of his AWFUL parents. Dang.

[griefabyss69]

Sorry, I see religious trauma and I pounce. Ergo, pls:

03 nobody likes religious trauma frowny face

Hell yes <3 <3 <3 This is an unusual one for me! Has a plot, some pretty serious subjects that aren't the usual ones, has made me feel like crying while writing it before LMAO

This one is a Hellcheer that will WAY later become Steddissy + Robin probably, I have vague polycule ideas for the later plot. But the MAIN story is actually just about Chrissy herself and how when you later have control over your own life, you can start naming all of the huge feelings you had when you were younger.

This snippet is from early in the fic when she's still in school, like early teens

(Cw: controlling/strict parents, little mention of religion, and mentions of her ED)

She doesn't listen to a lot of rock music, sometimes she hears a song on the radio and thinks it sounds pretty cool, but her mom buys her the cassettes that she's allowed to listen to, and when she listens to music at her friend's houses, they all have pop music.

Except for her coolest friend, someone her mom doesn't know about. She has some new wave, and Chrissy likes the feeling she gets when she lays on Tara's floor and closes her eyes and pretends they're somewhere else. Somewhere exciting, maybe Chicago, or another state completely.

She had once tried to get her to try out for the squad, she seemed pretty athletic and Chrissy would bet five bucks that she could fly if she wanted to, but Tara shut her down with a hard, wavering voice.

"They don't let people like me become a cheerleader, Chris."

She didn't really get it, but she sort of understood anyway. Plenty of her friends were already cheerleaders, so it's not like she needed Tara on the squad. She just thought she might like it, especially the acrobatics.

At the end of that night she gathered up the books she had been supposed to take to the library to study, feeling a warm flush up the back of her neck when Tara gave her a soft punch to the shoulder, a cool "see ya later" that made her feel like there might somehow be a way out from under the watchful eye of God, and more importantly, her mother.

Tara had ended up moving - her coolest friend but still young enough to be stuck getting whisked away by her military parents, breaking Chrissy's heart in the same way that her heart broke when her mom found out she had been trying on lipstick at the mall and made her pray to God for forgiveness instead of eating supper that night.

It was unfair, and there was nothing either of them could do about it. Tara had left her with a letter and no phone number to call, no new address.

Weeping over the letter on her lunch break, hidden in a corner by the water damaged classroom that nobody used, she truly understood what Tara had meant back when she said she couldn't be a cheerleader.

-

Eddie Munson, too big for his body, too big for the little stage in the gymnasium, too big for the stink eye the principal was giving him, reminded her of Tara.

It's not like they looked alike, or like Eddie was playing any of the new wave bands Tara liked, or like they would hang out later and he would softly punch her shoulder with a cool "see ya later" when she left.

It was the attitude, maybe. Even though their mannerisms were different and she doesn't even think they'd be friends, probably. It was something she couldn't articulate even after running it around in her mind all through math class, an itch she couldn't scratch, and the answer to it just on the tip of her tongue. She could reason around it all she wanted, but it was out of reach.

She didn't dare think it had anything to do with the letter.

He lived in her heart for about a week, tucked up beside her memories of Tara and the frustration that she couldn't even send her a letter of her own. She didn't have any frustration with him though, and so he faded until she forgot about him until she'd catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye, a little spark shooting her in the chest for a moment.

She just held her breath until it passed and did something that she was supposed to, like double check the spelling on her note to Jason Carver, make sure her hand writing didn't look too shaky.

The sound of Eddie's guitar followed her thoughts until she snuck out to the mall and bought the kind of cassette she had to hide in her locker.