#and that will be good for him - we don’t realise (especially as a child) how good things are - even when they seem to be awful - until they

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Eddie’s arc gonna be so so so good this season

The Chris stuff is going to hurt so bad and break me but healing is coming for them both and I’m expecting a Chris-tmas episode reunion of father and son

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Pixar did not have to go as hard as they did with the Kronos Unveiled scene in The Incredibles (2004), yet they did anyway and gave us one of the best scenes in modern cinema. Literally cannot stop thinking about how good this scene is, from the animation to the build up to the soundtrack.

I don’t think I truly understood how dark this scene - and this film - was a child: Syndrome is systematically and strategically luring in superheroes and killing them off in order to test and improve his Omnidroid design… these people were not only supers but they also had family and loved ones too, just like Bob, and one day they would have just disappeared because chances are they weren’t telling people where they were going because it was "top secret" and against the law. They thought they were doing something good, like helping the people in the island, while also getting to relive their glory days, perhaps even paving the way for superheroes to make a proper comeback… only for Syndrome to kill them in cold blood.

Most of these people can actually be seen at Bob and Helen’s wedding in the beginning of the film - they weren’t just random supers, they were their friends, people they worked alongside and cared about. It’s even worse when you realise that Bob probably blames himself because, after all, Buddy/Syndrome was his biggest fan and he dismissed him by not letting him help.

The relief on Bob’s face when he realises Syndrome doesn’t know where Helen is - meaning he also doesn’t know where their children are because he didn’t realise they were married at this point - is so realistic and gut wrenching to see. The relief contrasting with the anguish of knowing how much danger they and their entire family could have been in the entire time without even knowing...it's so well-done, you can literally feel it.

It’s also worth noting that originally the next target wasn’t Mr Incredible but Frozone - that was who Mirage was trailing, hence why his location is “known”. Imagine if she/Syndrome hadn’t realised that Mr Incredible was with him and they’d lured Frozone in instead as planned; he would have gone to the island to fight the Omnidroid 8 in a volcano setting. We saw how being in the burning building dehydrated Frozone and made it impossible to use his ice powers - presumably it would have been the same in the middle of a lava filled volcano, and he’d have been slaughtered just like the other superheroes before him.

This scene shows an entire generation of superheroes - Bob, Helen and Lucius’ generation - wiped out all because Syndrome felt slighted by his hero as a child, because he internalised that slight and let it drive him to revenge. And, if we take into account the deleted alternate opening scene, it’s mentioned that superheroes "aren't supposed to breed” - meaning there’s a likelihood that Violet, Dash and Jack-Jack are among the very few supers of the next generation. I know that it's deleted and so not really canon, but it's definitely a concept to consider, I think.

Then there's the fact Syndrome named the project "Kronos" - Kronos was a God who overthrew his own father in order to take over his rule, and then he ate his own children to prevent them doing the same thing to him. It feels like it reflects Syndrome once looking up to Mr Incredible and even saying "I could be your ward!", meaning Mr Incredible adopting or fostering him - the project name is a metaphor for Syndrome destroying the Supers, especially Mr Incredible, who he viewed as a father figure. The Omnidroids he built killed two birds with one stone: not only was he able to acquire the data to upgrade the robot to its final design, but it also eliminated the real super heroes and so left him as the last remaining "superhero", even though his powers are man-made, not something he was born with.

Not only did he want to become the only remaining superhero by killing the real ones in revenge, he also planned to sell his inventions at some point so everyone can be super - because "when everyone is super, nobody is". It's like a final blow to the memory of the superheroes he had killed.

I've talked too much about this scene but God... I love it so much more as an adult because it's just so chilling to think about. I'm sure other people can put it much more articulately than I just tried to, but I just really wanted to appreciate this scene.

[luveline]

can we possibly get the one where Gideon doesn’t like bombshell reader and poor Spencer is watching like☹️

Spencer feels a little like a child of divorce. Like, he absolutely is a child of divorce, but he didn’t think he’d feel this way at work. Lately, all Hotch and Gideon do is argue. 

It’s especially odd in that Hotch doesn’t usually go against Gideon’s judgement, even when he doesn’t agree, but you seem to be something Hotch is willing to fight for, and Spencer has no idea why.

“We don’t need her,” Gideon says. Spencer knows it isn’t Gideon being cruel, just stern. “We have a fine team without her.” 

“But with her, we’re better. And we have an opening. I know you like Greenaway for it, and I do too–”

“Everyone likes Greenaway for the position, she’s more palatable than L/N, and she works harder.”

Spencer tries not to whip his face back and forth like he’s following a ping pong ball, but it’s hard to keep up. He has no idea what his mentor’s talking about in all honesty, you’d seemed more than palatable when you met him last week. You were nice. And barely anybody is nice to Spencer. 

You sounded like you actually wanted to hear him talk, something Gideon has often been alone in. And palatable is a subjective word. 

“That’s not necessarily true,” Hotch says, knowing he’s losing. 

“We’re not gonna rush into picking someone,” Gideon says, less stern, more neutral. 

“No. I have invited her to the Georgia consultation this afternoon.” 

Gideon sighs through his nose. The afternoon rolls around quickly. Spencer doesn’t want to think about it but he’s excited to see you, and he feels conflicted in that; Gideon is the first person in a long time who actually seems to care about him, so Spencer is guilty of always aiming to please, but he can’t understand why Gideon dislikes you so much. Am I being easily led? he wonders. 

He’ll admit to finding you attractive. In his head, that is. You’d spoken so particularly, you’d looked stunning, and you didn’t make a fuss when he wouldn’t shake your hand. You called him beautiful. 

It’s the nicest, kindest attention he’s had since he started. Morgan calls him pretty boy. Spencer knows it’s not the same thing. 

They gather in the conference room, Morgan, Hotch, Gideon and Spencer, just a few minutes before 2PM. A minute later, you’re knocking on the door. 

“Hello…” You smile when you realise they’re here. “Am I late?” 

“No, L/N. Come and take a seat,” Hotch says. 

There’s a plastering of documents on the table and an empty seat by both Morgan and Spencer. You choose the one beside Spencer despite a stack of manilla folders, tucking your chair in neatly. “Oh, the grizzly stuff. This will upset my feminine energy.” 

Morgan laughs. Gideon glares at the table. 

Spencer likes it when you’re around. One more person and suddenly the consultation is a conversation and not a debate. You can keep up with everyone. You laugh at Spencer occasionally and he doesn’t know why, but he can tell it isn’t cruel laughter; he’s had a long time to work out the difference. 

Gideon excuses himself for a coffee half an hour in. 

Hotch immediately leans across the table. “I’m trying to help you,” he says. 

You grimace. “What am I doing wrong now?” 

“The laughing.” 

“You laugh.” 

“I know.” Hotch smiles at you. “You’re getting good at this, you have good insight on the dark triad. You read the book I sent?” 

“How’s Haley?” you ask.

He shakes his head, but his smile stays. “Don’t joke about that.” 

You’re not flirting. Or, Spencer doesn’t think so. It’s more likely you’re joking as Hotch says, everything about your body language pointing to amicable friendliness besides your flirting tones. “I read the book,” you say. Your gaze turns to Spencer. “Bet you’ve read it too, huh? Morgan said you’ve read every book ever written.” 

“That’s an exaggeration,” Spencer says. 

“But close?” you ask. “I’d love some recommendations. You know. For profiling.” 

“Don’t let her fool you, Reid, she’s well read,” Morgan says. 

“Wait, Gideon doesn’t like you because you laugh?” Spencer asks. 

It’s a socially inept thing to say, he realises after. You lean back in your chair all sweet and soft with your legs crossed, your dark stockings thin at the knees. He’s so, so worried you’re going to be offended and that’s exactly what he needs, a possible friend isolated again by his inability to read the room, but you don’t chew him out. You nudge his leg gently with the toe of your heel. 

“Now who said he doesn’t like me, handsome?” you ask teasingly. 

Spencer regrets the heat that floods his face and neck. 

“It’s complicated,” you add, your smile more than friendly, Spencer can’t work it out. “But don’t worry, I’ll turn him around eventually. It’s one of my many talents.” 

Oh, he thinks. That’s what it is. Spencer’s finally in on the joke. 

[finelinefae]

birdy [Pilot!harry x teacher!y/n]

synopsis: it’s the 1950s. harry's had a hard life and y/n just wants the truth

word count: 12.3k

contains: fluff, angst, childhood trauma, nightmares, abusive father, neglectful parents, grovelling, smut (size kink, tiny praise kink, breeding kink, oral m receiving)

this is part 3 of the aviator read part 2 here

this could have gone one of two ways...

. . .

Y/N was convinced that returning to the airbase took only half as much time as the journey to reach the campsite. She hated hiking, even more so after this trip, but she had places to be so she charged down the trail all the way back to the airbase. The clouds overhead seemed to mirror her anger, morphing into shades of grey, empathising with her mood. 

“Y/N, Harry went back earlier this morning. We came back from the bonfire and he was hyperventilating and shit. Thought he was gonna pass out so me and Pat went to get him some water but when we got back he was gone.” Sonny had told her when she had asked why Harry was missing. 

Y/N’s mind instantly went to the night she had woken up to one of Harry’s nightmares. She wondered whether or not that had something to do with his sudden disappearance. However, it didn't seem to cool the anger she felt that seemingly continued to grow with every fueled step she took back towards Offutt. 

As she made it out of the clearing, she noticed a figure sitting under a tree in the distance. She paused, squinting her eyes and immediately recognising those broad shoulders and that head full of brunette curls. Now that she could finally see him, she wondered if it would be better to just let him sit and wallow in whatever guilt he may or may not be feeling but she considered confronting things like this as self-care and she wouldn’t allow herself to return home without knowing why she had woken up alone this morning. 

She ignored the droplets of rain that began to fall slowly from the sky. Instead, she trudged through the slightly muddy grass. Y/N caught his head turn as though he sensed her incoming. He shot up, standing tall and began to walk towards her. 

Harry couldn’t even react when he saw the anger radiating from her face. He knew what he had done and there was no good reason for it, “Y/N-”

When she was finally in front of him, Y/N took a deep breath to steady herself. “Don’t ever disrespect me like that again,” she said firmly, her voice carrying her emotions. Then, turning away, she began to walk away from him. 

She felt a hand wrap around her wrist but she tugged it, breaking free from his grip, “No,” She turned around to face him, “You walk away from me, I walk away from you.” It’s what she planned to do all along, make him realise how much it hurt to have someone turn their back on you.

Harry’s heart seemed to crack as her voice trembled, “Y/N,” 

“Why?” Her bottom lip wobbled but she held her breath, trying to be stronger than him, “Why would you do that? Y’know, I’ve put a lot of faith in you Harry, I trusted you. People labelled you so many things and I always backed you up but that was just…Mean. You are being mean.” 

“I know, I know,” Harry said, which only fuelled her anger even more. He had no idea what it felt like to wake up alone, especially after admitting something so honest. 

“You have no idea,” Her voice raised, “You have no idea what that felt like because you will always be the person who leaves.” 

Harry couldn’t seem to find the words. She was right and finally seeing him how he saw himself. There was nothing good about him and he had been told that his entire life by all the people he cared about. Everything he loved as a child was taken away from him with claw marks all over them. He had been forced to grow up, leave home and raise three kids. He knew one day that they too would be taken away from him- they’d find better people, a happier life -  and he would be left with nothing because it was all that he had known and all that he had deserved. 

Y/N couldn’t seem to fathom how he stood there in complete silence. The silence seemed to birth a new feeling inside her, another seed planted in her slow-burning heartbreak. 

Until His voice murmured something, barely audible to her ear, "It was you."

She stilled, “What?” 

His head lifted and she finally got to see him through the fog of anger. His cheeks were tear stained, his eyes red-rimmed and tired like he had barely slept. His hair looked as though he had run his fingers through them one too many times. “In my nightmare, it was you.” He confessed. 

Y/N was struggling to breathe, “What are you talking about?” She whispered, her eyes glassy.

“I haven’t experienced it that way in so long, I-I thought I was okay now.” Harry's chest rose and fell with each heavy breath.

“What did they do to you?” Y/N took a step forward. 

“I thought I was at home. I-I was in my room in my own body and my pops was there sitting in his armchair. He wouldn’t stop laughing at me and then I looked down and saw y’ on the floor,” Harry inhaled sharply like he was picturing the moment as he was re-calling it, “I tried to wake y’ up but you wouldn’t reply, y’ wouldn’t wake up and he was just sat there laughing and laughing. I was calling for help but no one could hear me and t-then he started saying I did it.”

Y/N couldn’t hold back her tears anymore as Harry began to cry. She wanted to reach out for him, to remove every bad thing that had ever happened to him and replace them with good. 

“He said it was me who hurt you,” He cried, “I tried to save you Y/N but I couldn’t and he was just laughing.” 

“Harry,” Y/N whispered, grabbing his hand and feeling him grip her fingers so tightly she thought it would cut off the circulation.

“I woke up outside,” He murmured, sniffling, “I was sitting out somewhere in the morning and Sonny and Patsy found me. I could hardly catch m’breath and they went off to get something that’d help but I was too ashamed. I couldn’t face them and I couldn’t face you either.” 

"Why?" Y/N couldn't help but ask, despite all the times she had promised him she would be there for him.

Harry's gaze fell to the ground as he struggled to find the words. “Because,” He huffed, trying to smile but he just looked broken, “What’s a girl like you doing with someone like me? God, I love you so much Y/N. I’ve never loved anybody in m’ whole life and the only thing I know about it is that y’ give the people y’ love what they are most deserving of and you deserve so much more than what I can give.” 

Y/N’s lips parted but he continued, “I have nothing. I am nobody. Outside of this place, I have nothing. I come from a family of nobodies and you…you are everything.” 

Y/N’s heart ached with every word he spoke and the vulnerability and pain on his face. She felt as though he was cutting himself open and he had nothing more he could hide away from her, “Harry, you are changing that.” She whispered, her voice filled with conviction.

He frowned, puzzled by her words, uncertain of their meaning. “The way you are with your brothers and Elise, what you’ve given them, it is the biggest example of love I have ever seen. This life you’ve shown them here comes from your love Harry.” She said, a smile breaking through her tears as his expression softened. She reaches up to cup his cheek in her hand, “I don’t want you to give me something better, I want you to give me you and the love I have seen you give to the people you care about. And I want to give you love too because I love you more than words can even comprehend and you are so deserving of it.” 

Harry’s eyes close softly as if he can’t quite believe the words he’s hearing and he’s trying to absorb it all. Y/N pulls his head down so their foreheads are pressed against each other, “Maybe you thought you had nothing but you always had love and if this is your nothing then I want all of it. That is what I want you to give to me.” She whispers. 

There's a pause, a moment of silent understanding between them, as Harry processes her words. His eyes slowly flutter open, revealing a depth of emotion that takes her breath away. She sees in his gaze a mixture of disbelief and gratitude as if her words have unlocked something within him that he never thought possible.

And then, as if drawn by an invisible force, Harry's hands find their way to her face, his touch gentle yet firm. It's as if he's trying to memorise every contour, every line, every curve as if he's afraid that this moment might slip away if he doesn't hold on tight enough.

"There is nothing in this world that means more to me than you," he whispers, his voice barely above a breath. "Thank you," he adds, his words filled with sincerity and love.

Y/N smiles softly, her eyes reflecting warmth and understanding. "That's okay," she says gently.

The rain pours around them as they stand underneath the shelter of the tree. Harry doesn’t even ask for permission, too eager to, as he presses his lips to hers. Y/N squeaks in surprise but melts into him when she allows herself to feel all the things he can’t communicate, put into every motion of his lips.

Harry feels new like the burden of his childhood is eased from his shoulders as the light from her kiss injects itself into his body. He wonders how he could ever allow himself to walk away from this, “I’m so sorry Y/N.” He says against her lips, “I love you, I’m sorry.” 

Y/N sighs, “We’ll learn,” She says, “We’ll get better and we’ll both learn.” 

It’s more than just words of forgiveness, it’s a promise and the start of something new. 

When they finish kissing, they both look up at the sky and see how hard the rain is pouring, “I think I’m over this trip now.” Y/N sighs, “I don’t think I ever want to go camping again.”

“Oh c’mon it was fun,” Harry teases with a sniffle but then sees her deadpan expression, “Okay it could have been better but at least we’re together now.” 

Y/N takes her hand away from him and crosses her arms, “Who decided that?” 

Harry’s face drops, “I-I thought-.” 

She quirks a brow, “I haven’t forgiven you for leaving me yet. That was just cruel and you should know better!”

Harry looked at her apologetically “I know baby-“ He reached for her hand but she swiftly moved away, stepping out into the rain and walking back towards the trail. 

“I won’t be letting you off so easily.” Harry’s shoulders slumped as he stayed glued to the floor, watching her walk away from him. 

He tried not to smile as she stumbled over the uneven ground, her clothes getting wet from the rain. He cupped his mouth and yelled, “But y’ still love me right?” 

“Of course I do you idiot!” She yelled over her shoulder.

Harry smiled, “I love you too, bigger than the whole sky Y/N.”

“Oh yeah?” Y/N yelled, “Prove it!”

Harry chuckled, running over to join her in the rain. 

. . .

To grovel actually meant to get down on your knees and beg for not only days but weeks in Y/N’s books which Harry had gradually come to realise. 

They returned from the airbase before everybody else and arrived at Y/N’s house to shower. Harry had tried to persuade Y/N to shower with him, using the classic excuse of ‘it’ll save water’ but she was too smart for that and he knew better. 

Soon, life resumed its usual rhythm after the camping trip, but there was a noticeable change in Y/N and Harry. Others noticed the absence of tension between them, seeing the love reflected in their gazes whenever they looked at each other. However, they couldn't understand why Y/N refused to acknowledge their relationship, or why Harry seemed so smitten and eager- all of a sudden walking around like he was a lovesick puppy in need of attention. 

Every day Harry would be doing something for Y/N, whether it was buying her flowers at the start of every week or walking her home during his work breaks. He’d rarely ever be seen with another woman, let alone make eye contact with them, all because he was desperate to make it up to the only woman he’d ever want for the rest of his life. 

“Y/N,” Francine, one of the nursery workers, called her name as she was washing up paint pots in the sink, “He’s here for you.”

Y/N tried to hide her smile, “Could you tell him to wait please Fran?” 

Soon Fran returned and in her arms was a giant bouquet, “He couldn’t stay very long,” She handed Y/N the roses, “But he told me to give you these.”

Y/N’s eyes widened, her hands still dripping wet as she held the red roses in her arms. She placed them on the countertop and took out the card attached to the bouquet. ‘I love you bigger than the whole sky, your Harry.’ 

Y/N bit down on her lip as she folded the small piece of paper and slid it into the front pocket of her apron. “When’s that boy gonna put a ring on y’ finger?” Loretta, one of the older nursery workers asked. 

Y/N scoffed, “Only if he can get near my hand first, Loretta.” 

Although marriage would definitely not be happening anytime soon, the picture of it in her mind made her smile. 

In the evening, Y/N had been enjoying some much-needed girl time with Molly and Patsy. Y/N hadn’t seen Nancy since the night of the bonfire. She was rarely ever home to the point where the girls wondered why she even bothered renting her room out for much longer. 

They sat around the living room in pink robes, watching a movie and reading magazines. It had been a while since Y/N had had some downtime with her housemates. So much of her time had been either working or being trapped in the whirlwind that was her relationship with Harry. 

“Can I have some of that?” Patsy asked, unable to keep her eyes off the television as she held her hand out for the bottle of wine. 

Molly passed it over but her eyes narrowed on Patsy, “Is that Sonny’s sweatshirt you’re wearing under that?” 

Patsy finally looked away, her mouth opening and closing, “N-no?” She lied, terribly. 

“Did you sleep with him?” Molly questioned.

Patsy swallowed, “No…maybe…yes.” 

Patsy's feeble attempt at denial only made Y/N and Molly laugh harder. Y/N struggled to stifle her giggles, while Molly's laughter rang out loud and clear.

"And? How was it?” Molly urged, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

Patsy’s face flushed bright red, “It was good.”

“That’s it?” Molly frowned.

“Fine,” Patsy’s shoulders slumped, “It was wonderful, Mol. The best I’ve ever had.”

“You’re lying,” 

“It’s true!” Patsy exclaimed, “There’s just something about ‘em, right Y/N? You slept with Harry already didn’t you?”

Y/N’s smile fell from her face, “Huh?”

Molly smirked, “Now you definitely cannot lie about that. Everyone knows it.”

Y/N's smile faltered, confusion flickering in her eyes. "What do you mean, everyone knows?"

Molly's smirk widened. "Come on, Y/N. It's written all over your face. You've got that look all the girls have, you know the one where they lie about being with someone when it’s clearly not the truth."

Y/N's cheeks flushed as realisation dawned on her. "Oh," she murmured, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

"So, spill it," Molly urged, leaning in with a mischievous glint in her eye. "Have you?"

“I don’t know…Maybe,” She could feel the corner of her lips tugging upwards and her hands quickly shot up to cover her face.

Her two housemates squealed, jumping up from the couch with excitement, “You have?” Molly grinned. 

“Yes!” Y/N laughed. 

“Tell us all about it!” Patsy fell to the floor and leaned in towards her. 

“O-Oh, I-” But as luck would have it, Y/N was interrupted by the doorbell ringing and then the door swinging open. 

“Patsy?” Sonny’s voice rang down the hallway as he invited himself in again. 

Molly rolled her eyes, annoyed, “What is it?”

Footsteps sounded against the hardwood floors as Sonny entered the living room. His eyes landed on the girls as they sat on the floor, “What are you doing?”

"What does it look like we're doing?" Molly retorted, crossing her arms defensively.

"Can I join in?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Patsy groaned, "Just tell us what you want, already."

“Oh,” Sonny shook his head as if reminding himself why he was here, “Elise is sick,”

Y/N stood up, “What? How sick?”

“George has had to bath her four times already and Harry can’t seem to get her to sleep. It’s manic in that house, y’ gotta help us out.” Sonny begged. 

"But it's girl's night," Molly said firmly, gesturing toward the girls in their gowns. "And we're not your nurses or your babysitters."

"Please?" Sonny's eyes pleaded, darting towards Y/N.

Y/N sighed, relenting. "Fine. Let me get dressed." She manoeuvred past the girls seated on the floor and headed upstairs to her room to change.

“What? Patsy, y’ can’t be serious?” Molly whined. 

“It’s Elise and Sonny’s sister.” Patsy shrugged as though it was reason enough. 

Molly huffed, knowing no matter what she said it wouldn’t be enough to persuade them to help a sick child. The girl’s night they had planned would just have to be put on hold,  “Alright,” She conceded. 

Sonny led the girls across the estate to the Styles’ household. Along the way, Y/N and Molly teased Patsy and Sonny when they noticed them holding hands inside the pocket of Sonny’s aviator coat. The closer they got to the house, the more they could hear Elise wailing from inside. 

He swung the door open, the girls following behind, “I’m back!” Sonny called as they entered the kitchen, “I bought reinforcements.”

Harry turned around when they all stepped into the room. He was shirtless, holding onto a crying Elise, her little face all scrunched up and red. His eyes immediately gravitated towards Y/N, “You’re here,” He sighed as if the sight of her had alleviated some of the stress he was feeling. 

Y/N walked straight up to him and took Elise out of his grip, “M here,” She sighed, “Oh sweet girl, it’s okay,” Y/N kissed the side of the two-year-olds head, swaying her side to side in her arms. 

“She’s been sick all afternoon, must have got it off some kid at the nursery.” Harry exclaimed, his eyes tired from taking care of his sister and being at work all day, “I’ve tried everything. Normally singing her to sleep helps but she won’t seem to settle and I’m all out of ideas.”

“Hey,” Y/N placed a hand on his shoulder, feeling his warm skin, “It’s okay, we’re here to help you.”

He relaxed beneath her touch, the sentiment making him smile, “Y’ don’t have to,” Harry murmured. 

“Harry,” Y/N gave him a stern glare, “I want to.” 

His lips curved into a grateful smile as he nodded. "Thank you."

Y/N was so ensnared by his captivating eyes she had to force herself to look away, “Go shower. We’ll clean up down here.” 

Harry saluted playfully, brushing past her but not before pressing a hasty kiss to her cheek. Y/N gasped, spinning around and seeing a hint of a smirk on his face as he ran up the stairs.

“Ha Ha,” Elise croaked, pointing at her brother. 

Y/N’s expression softened at the little girl’s tired voice, “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

As Sonny and Patsy helped clean the kitchen, Molly made a start on dinner and George and Y/N bathed Elise in the kitchen sink. Although Elise was exhausted from being sick all afternoon, everyone went about their chores whilst trying to bring a smile to her face. Whenever she giggled at George and Sonny's antics or Patsy's playful arguing with Sonny whenever he attempted to flirt with her, the group would cheer from their achievement at making her laugh. 

Once they’d put all the dishes on the table, Harry had come down from his shower. Y/N drew in a breath when he walked through the door with damp curls and a towel around his waist, “Jus’ need to grab something,” He smirked as he walked past Y/N who caught the smell of his coconut shampoo. 

As Y/N stood at the kitchen sink to get rid of Elise’s bath water, she felt his solid form come up behind her. Her lips parted, a breath of air escaping her, as he placed a hand on her shoulder and gently squeezed. With his other arm, he reached out, his hand still resting on her shoulder, to open the cupboard above her and pulled out a clean hand towel.

The warmth spreading through her body dissolved once he pulled away. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding when she heard his feet against the floor fade as he left the room. 

To her side, Molly and Patsy were trying not to laugh as they covered their mouths and tried to resume what they had previously been talking about before they were briefly interrupted. Y/N rolled her eyes and walked to the table to begin plating up dinner for everybody. 

Harry had returned from his shower and now sat at the end of the table with Y/N to his right and Elise beside her sitting in a high chair. She was nibbling at the food George had prepped for her, taking small bites when she felt like it.

Everyone tucked into their meal as a smooth jazz record lulled in the background. Suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence, George piped up, “So is everyone dating at this table?” 

Sonny groaned, “Why’d you bring that up?”

“Because!” George paused, cutting into his meat, “I can’t handle the tension in this room, it’s like you all want to have sex with each other.” 

“George don’t be so vulgar,” Molly snapped, her tone sharp, “But he does have a point.” 

“Well Patsy and I are together,” Sonny put an arm around Patsy’s shoulders only to receive an angry glare in return, “What?” He took his arm back, “They already figured it out!”

“Well, what about Y/N and Harry,” Patsy crossed her arms, wanting to divert the attention to something else, all heads turning to face the couple at the end of the table.

“Well, I-I-“ Y/N was all flustered, not knowing how to approach the subject until Harry stepped in.

“It’s up to Y/N,” Harry shrugged, taking a bite from his fork. Y/N’s head whipped in his direction, “I’ll do whatever she wants me to do.” 

As he spoke the words, she felt his hand land on her thigh. Y/N stilled as he squeezed her knee but instead of freezing like she always seemed to do with him, she placed her hand on top of his and flipped his hand over to intertwine their fingers wanting to show him at least some grace for his ability to speak when she couldn’t find the words. 

“Well good for Y/N. You see not all girls are easily swayed by you boys, you know.” Molly remarked.

“Ahh are you sure about that Mol? Maybe it’s just because you’re the only girl here who hasn’t tried to sleep with any of us.” George quipped with a teasing grin. 

Molly scowled, “Don’t you have to follow Nancy around or something?”

Sonny burst out laughing as George’s face fell, “Yeah yeah, you can all laugh but the other day I swear I almost got a smile outta her.” 

“Oh nice, an almost smile yeah that’s really great George.” Everyone laughed around the table.

By the time dinner was over and everyone had been ridiculed at least once, Elise was already half asleep. Harry volunteered to tuck her in, lifting her gently and carrying her upstairs to her bedroom. As the others stepped outside for a smoke break, Y/N took it upon herself to clear the empty plates and tidy up.

Before tidying, Y/N went upstairs to use the bathroom. As she climbed the steps, she noticed a partially open door. Intrigued by the humming coming from the room, she quietly peeked inside.

It was dark other than a small candle lit up in the corner of the room. Harry stood by the window with Elise in his arms. Her cheek was resting on his shoulder as her small hands fisted the sleeve of his shirt. His big hand rubbed up and down her tiny back as her eyes fluttered open and closed. She almost resembled a cherub resting on a fluffy cloud as Harry hummed her to sleep, his head turning an inch to press a soft kiss to the side of her head. 

Y/N's eyes glistened with an emotion she couldn't quite place. Her heart felt like it was trying to leap out of her chest and walk into the room to join them. The longer she stayed fixed on the two siblings, alone in one space, it seemed as if they were the only two people existing, if only for a brief moment in time.

Not wanting to disturb their peace and quiet, Y/N carefully tiptoed away from them to give them the space they needed. 

She stood at the kitchen sink and began filling it with water and soap. Her mind drifted to the image of Harry holding Elise almost as if he were her own father. Y/N’s heart had been hurting for Harry and his siblings ever since he had broken down to her on the hill. A part of her wondered if she was doing all this because she felt she had to fulfil some kind of duty to them but it never felt like work helping the Styles’ siblings, she just had a spot for them in her heart that was growing exponentially by the day. 

Y/N felt that presence that had become so familiar to her, come up behind her as she cleaned the dishes. His arms snaked around her waist, swaying them slowly to the gentle bossa nova that played over the record player, “Dance with me,” He murmured, pulling her away from the sink. 

Y/N laughed, spinning around in his arms and pressing her wet and soapy hands to his face. Harry’s face scrunches, “Have I told y’ I love y’ today?” He asked, nuzzling his cheek in her palm. 

“Hmm,” Y/N pretended to think, “I don’t think so.”

“Well I do,” He says, “I love you bigger than the whole sky, Birdy.” 

“I love you too,” Y/N replies because she always will no matter how angry she is or was with him. 

“Enough to forgive me?” He tries but his face already says he knows the answer. 

Y/N inches forward, her lips brushing his, “Almost,” 

Harry grins, pulling her in closer, “This could be our life y’know.” 

“What could?” 

“All this,” He motions to the house, “We have our own house and make our own food. Everyone is safe and we’re happy. Maybe have a couple of kids-”

Y/N scoffs, “A couple?” 

“Alright,” Harry chuckles, his head falling back, “One, five, eight or even zero, I don’t care I jus’ wanna be with you.” 

“That sounds nice,” Y/N sighed, falling in love with the image she had painted in her mind, “And we’d live here?” 

Harry kissed the top of her head, resting his cheek on it as they swayed, “We can live wherever y’ want Birdy, I go where you go.” 

Y/N can’t help but pull his neck down to kiss her. Even though they weren’t exactly together, Y/N couldn’t help but kiss him when she wanted to, which was more often than it wasn’t. She’d never tire of the way his lips felt against hers, how she’d melt in his embrace and feel his heart beating against his chest. 

“Just so we’re clear, this doesn’t mean we’re together,” Y/N mumbled against his lips.

“I know Birdy, I know.” He smiles, kissing her even harder.

Harry ends up helping Y/N clean the kitchen, drying the dishes while she washes them. It's a new experience for him, doing something domestic with the person he loves. It feels small and simple yet meant more to him than he could seem to understand.

“Since I’m tryin’ to be better, I gotta tell y’ something,” Harry pinches her sleeve, needing to touch her in some way at all times.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N asked, immediately beginning to worry. 

“Oh no it’s nothing so bad, it’s just my Mama sent us a letter a few weeks ago and I think ‘m gonna go visit her without the boys.” He shrugs, “Jus’ to check in on her y’ know?” 

Y/N knew Harry didn’t want to admit the truth about his visit. Despite the fact he never had a close relationship with his mother, he had always been her protector. Harry couldn’t stay away from his home no matter how hard he tried, too afraid that if he did, something detrimental would happen and he’d feel nothing but guilt for the rest of his life. 

“On your own?” Y/N frowned, “Y’ don’t even want George to come with you?”

“If George goes he’ll jus’ get upset. I probably won’t even tell ‘em I’m going, I jus’ wanna make sure everything is okay. Maybe if I show m’ face she’ll stop sending so many letters every weekend.” His voice carried a mix of concern and weariness.

“Well okay,” Y/N paused for a brief second, “I mean I could come with you, maybe, i-if that’s something you’d want.”

Fear flashed in Harry’s eyes, “No,” He stated firmly, “I’m not letting you anywhere near that old bastard.”

Y/N knew he was referring to his father, “I won’t let you go alone, Harry. It’s either me or one of your brother’s but I will not let you go into that house by yourself.” She wasn’t going to lie and say that she wasn’t afraid for him. She’d never met his Father or truly knew the depths to which he had gone into causing such trauma for Harry but she wasn’t going to allow it to continue. “Please, let me come with you.”

Harry opened his mouth to immediately reject her offer but paused, considering her words carefully. He saw the determination in her eyes, the fierce loyalty she held for him, and it touched something deep within him. He also knew she was stubborn and wouldn’t let up over something like this no matter how much he refused. 

After a moment of silence, he sighed, relenting. "Alright," he finally murmured, his voice laced with apprehension. "But promise me, Y/N, you'll stay close and keep your guard up. My old man... he's not an easy man to deal with. We’ll be in and out of tha’ house all in the same day.”

Y/N nodded solemnly, her resolve unwavering, “Thank you,” She said. 

. . .

With the days that passed before Harry would return to his childhood town, his fear and anxiety seemed to grow. His nightmares had continued to worsen, each one of them had turned into one about Y/N. On the nights when Y/N slept in her own bed, he found himself walking through the dimmed streets in the middle of the night to sneak into her house and crawl under the covers with her. She’d whisper soft things into his ear, promising that everything he dreamt of was simply just that, but he struggled to believe her as he held her tightly in his arms until the morning arrived. 

They took the two-hour train from the station to his home town in Wyoming on the day of the visit. Harry barely spoke a word as he held Y/N’s hand in his lap all the way there. They had decided on wearing somewhat fancy attire. Harry wore tailored trousers with a belt and a white shirt tucked into it, whilst Y/N settled on a new blouse she had yet to wear and a long skirt with kitten heels. They hadn’t spoken it aloud but part of them wanted to show without telling his parents just how well they were doing for themselves. 

“Baby,” Harry whispered, nudging Y/N awake after she dozed off on his shoulder, “We’re here now,” 

Y/N hummed, her eyes fluttering open to the window. Outside was the train station which was really just a raised platform by the train tracks with a small ticket booth nearby. The place was almost deserted, with only a few people stepping off as the train pulled in. Harry grabbed her purse and held Y/N’s hand as they exited the train and stepped onto the platform. It wasn’t long before the train was off again, leaving a bellow of smoke behind. 

Glancing around, Y/N noticed how grey Harry’s hometown was. The buildings seemed weathered, and besides the train station, there wasn't much else to see—just a row of buildings housing a grocery store, a clothing shop, and a bank. Everything became increasingly sparse and lifeless the further out of town you ventured, and Harry’s house just so happened to be situated on the outskirts. 

When they left the train station, Harry walked to a cab that was already parked outside with no other customers. He opened the door for Y/N to enter first, “Are you okay?” Y/N asked, sensing Harry’s discomfort.

“Y’ know there’s nothing more I wanna do than take y’ back to Offutt right?” His eyes were hard as he stared between the two front seats out of the windshield of the beaten-up vehicle. 

"I know," Y/N's voice was quiet, a hint of uncertainty creeping in as she wondered if she had pushed too far by insisting on accompanying him. However, before she could dwell on her thoughts further, he picked up her hand and pressed a kiss to it, reassuring her without words.

Y/N tried not to react too shocked when the vehicle stopped far outside of the town they had entered. In front of them was a house that looked as though it was made out of planks of wood hammered together. There was a front porch with a rocking chair that was rotting away and a clothesline with white sheets blowing in the breeze. 

“This is your home?” Y/N wondered, looping her arm with Harry’s when he came up beside her. 

“It’s never been m’home,” He replied, lowly. 

As they approached the front door, it creaked open before they could even knock. Standing behind it was a woman with the same green eyes Y/N had noticed in each of her children. Her hair was wispy and greying, with streaks of brunette that were a darker shade than Harry’s. She had heavy bags under her eyes and wrinkles all over her face. Her thin lips turned into a smile, her eyes watering as she opened her arms to the man beside Y/N, “My boy,” She croaked. 

Harry stiffened when he felt her arms wrap around him, “Mom,” He grumbled. 

The woman pulled away and then her eyes turned to Y/N, her smile drooping, “Who’s this?”

Harry opened his mouth to introduce herself but Y/N quickly stepped in, “I’m a friend of your son, we met on the Airbase.” She held her hand out.

Harry’s mother looked down at her hand and then back to Harry, “You’re bringing girls home now? Where are your brothers?” 

Harry’s jaw tightened, “They’re not here.”

“And Elise?” She went on. 

“She’s back home,” 

“This is her home,” His mother argued, “And I’m her mother,”

“We won’t be staying here for long,” Harry said, moving past his mother and stepping into the house. Y/N tried to offer his mother a smile but she just frowned. 

The inside of Harry’s childhood home was cold and empty, lacking any hint of life or sign of a whole family living here for well over ten years. Bits of furniture littered the house here and there, each individual piece looked battered and beaten. 

“Are you staying for dinner at least Harry? I’ve been cooking all afternoon,” His mother walked to the small kitchen and started stirring a pot that was already cooking on the stove.

Harry looked down at Y/N, “We can stay,” She told him even though she knew he didn’t like the idea, she didn’t want to let his mother’s cooking go to waste. 

“M taking Y/N to m’ room,” Harry grumbled, unwilling to wait for his mother to say anything. 

Y/N followed him to a small room near the living room. It was no bigger than an average old pantry, containing only a small, single bed and a little chair and table tucked into the corner. Above the bed hung a mobile adorned with wooden planes painted blue, dangling gently. Y/N reached out and held one of the jagged wooden planes in her palm.

The corners of her lips turned upwards as she examined it, wondering if Harry’s love for planes stemmed from a young age. Turning round to face him, she fell back onto his bed and sighed, “Come lay with me,” Her hand dangled from the bed, her fingers reaching out to brush his. 

Harry shook his head but fell onto the bed beside her, his feet dangling off the end. It was so small that Y/N had to practically lay on top of him, her chin resting on his chest as she looked up at him. She brushed some of his hair out of his face, “How are you feeling?” She checked in. 

“Strange,” He murmurs, “Seeing you in this house made me realise how foreign this place is to me now. You’re home and this is just… Something I don’t want in my life anymore.” 

Y/N’s gaze softens, “Your mom never told me her name, I don’t think she likes me very much.”

Harry’s hand slides up her back to play with the ends of her hair, “She doesn’t like anyone really but her name’s Debbie if y’ must know.”

“Debbie,” Y/N replies, her voice soft, “Hey, if things get uncomfortable we can go, just say the word.”

Harry felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude at her calming, understanding nature, “Thank you for being here.” 

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” Y/N teased and Harry laughed, the sound echoing in the darkened room of his childhood. 

Despite Debbie’s cold attitude towards her, Y/N still tried to make an effort by helping set the table for dinner. In the corner of her eye, she caught Harry fussing over his mother when he saw her hands were all scathed from being outside every day as she poured stew into each bowl. The image made her eyes glisten with tears that threatened to fall until she blinked them away.

As they placed each bowl of stew on the table, a thud sounded from outside and then the squeak of the hinges on the front door as it swung open. Y/N’s heart stopped as Harry paced towards her, moving her behind him as an old man stumbled in. She grabbed Harry’s sleeve, peeking past him to see a man with hazel eyes and balding, grey hair. His face was wrinkled and scruffy, his nose red but his face gaunt. His footsteps were heavy against the wooden floorboards, with every inhale of his breath he seemed to suck out the warmth from the house. 

His eyes fell on Harry and then to Y/N, “Hello boy,” His voice sounded like gravel as he spoke. 

“Old man,” Harry’s voice was something Y/N had never heard from him before. It felt like he was trying to control all of his anger whilst also trying not to show his fear. She squeezed his arm a little, hoping it would give him some reassurance. 

“Nice to know you’ve remembered your family,” He sniffled, closing the door behind him. 

“Y’ make it hard to forget,” Harry replied. 

Debbie walked in between them like it was something she had done many times before whenever there was tension, “Jack, you’re  just in time for dinner.” She was much too cheery but it felt hollow and insincere, “Harry’s friend is joining us from that camp they’re staying at.” 

Jack glanced at Debbie with a flicker of annoyance before turning his attention back to Harry and Y/N. "Well, aren't we all just one big happy fuckin’ family," he muttered, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

Y/N felt the tension in the room thicken, a silent battle unfolding between the family members. She exchanged a knowing glance with Harry, silently urging him to stay composed.

Ignoring Jack's jab, Debbie gestured towards the dining table. "Come on, let's sit down and eat. I've made your favourite, Jack," she said. 

Sitting at the table, Jack's presence felt heavy in the room. Y/N looked at Harry, silently showing her support. She knew dinner would be tricky, but she was committed to being there for Harry. She held his hand under the table and squeezed. Harry rubbed his thumb over the pulse point on her wrist in order to relax himself. 

It was just dinner and they’d be going home straight afterwards. Home to his real family, where it was safe and he was most loved. 

Debbie came out of the kitchen with two cans of beer and placed them in front of Jack before sitting beside him. He cleared his throat as he opened both cans, “Where are y’ brothers?” 

“Not here,” Harry spoke, lowly.

“Don’t get funny with me boy, where are they?” 

“I already told you.” Y/N jumped when Jack’s hand smacked down on the table, Harry’s hand squeezing her in assurance like this was a normal reaction to have. 

“You’ve left y’ brothers at that camp and bought this random whore here?” He spat.

“Don’t call her that,” Harry said through gritted teeth. 

“I don’t even know her fuckin’ name and y’ bought her into my house?” 

Harry opened his mouth to reply but Y/N interrupted him, “My name is Y/N,” She said, her eyes hard, “And if that’s how you speak to someone you don’t know Mr Styles, I hate to see how you speak to those you do.” 

Y/N could feel all eyes on her at the dinner table but she ignored them, acting as though what she said didn’t matter, as she tucked into the stew that was in front of her. “Next time you come back here,” Jack gruffed, “Y’ bring your brother’s. Much prefer them here anyway.” 

This time it was Y/N’s turn to feel a bubble of anger rising within her, “Don’t want no more whores in my house, except y’ mother,” He chuckled, darkly, “She’s the only one allowed here.”

Harry shot up, his chair scraping against the floor, “How fuckin’ dare you,” He spat. 

“Sit down,” His Father ordered, refusing to look up at him. 

“Harry,” Debbie whispered, tugging on his hand to try and pull him down.

Reluctantly, Harry lowered himself to his seat. His jaw clenched as he stole a glance at Y/N, silently grateful for her unwavering support in the face of his family's hostility. He’d refuse to open his mouth for the rest of the dinner, in hopes it would speed things up and they could leave. He was filled with regret that he had allowed Y/N to come to this Hellscape, even more so for even considering it in the first place. 

It fell silent- nothing but the scraping of cutlery against plates- until Y/N decided to speak, her anger too much to withhold any longer, “I’d appreciate it if you’d stop calling me that Mr Styles,” Harry must have gotten whiplash from how quickly his head whipped around to look at Y/N as she spoke. 

“Say that again,” Jack replied, lowly.

“I said I would appreciate it if you’d stop calling me a whore, it’s rather distasteful.” Y/N dared to look up at him, meeting his lifeless eyes when she did. She felt Harry’s fingers squeeze hers but she refused to break eye contact with the only man who she had ever hated before even meeting him. 

“Distasteful? What are y’ a slut from Preston?” 

“No,” Y/N continued, “I’m not a whore or a slut from Preston and if you knew me or your own son, you’d know he wouldn’t dare bring someone with the likes of you home with him.”

Rage flashed in Jack’s eye, “Why you little-” 

Harry rose to his feet as Jack raised his hand in the air, bracing himself for the impending blow. But before Jack could strike, Y/N intervened. "The fact that you assume so little about me, Mr. Styles, is your first mistake," Y/N declared, her voice unwavering. "Truthfully, I know people. Put a hand on me, and I'll go straight to my father. He's a doctor, you see—a very important one who knows a lot of important people. One of his patients just so happens to be the Governor. Do you know the Governor, Mrs. Styles?" Y/N directed a smile at the timid lady sitting opposite her, who blinked in response and quickly nodded her head.

"As much as I hate throwing around big names, sometimes it pays to know people more powerful than those who assume they have it all," Y/N continued, her gaze steady on Jack. "Wouldn't you say, Mr. Styles?"

Y/N stood up from the table as Jack’s jaw clenched, biting his tongue to stop from speaking. She grabbed Harry’s hand and intertwined their fingers, “To answer your question, your sons are at Offutt Air Base not camp. It’s their home where their older brother raised them along with that little girl you both abandoned. You can assume I’m a whore or a slut or whatever you think I am however much you like Mr Styles but I will not let you sit there and strip all of the love your son has shown to your children when you weren’t willing to give them anything.” 

“Thank you for the dinner Mrs Styles but we’re leaving,” Y/N looked up at Harry who was already looking at her with nothing but pride all over his face, “I’m sorry Harry but I can’t stay here anymore.”

He nodded, following her out of the house but stopping when his father stood in front of him. Y/N gasped when Harry raised his arm and punched his father straight across the face. Jack groaned, cupping his nose as blood began to drip from it. Harry gripped his shirt in a fist, “Call my wife a whore again and I’ll fucking end you.” He spat, pushing him away. 

Y/N and Harry ignored his mother as she fretted about his now injured Father, walking out of the house. 

As soon as they stepped off the porch, Harry pulled Y/N to the side of the house where they were shielded from view and pressed her against the wall. His lips met hers eagerly, his hands cradling her face as her eyes fluttered shut. "You called me your wife," she breathed between kisses.

"Easy mistake," he replied quickly before his lips seeked hers once more. 

Once they pulled away, their chests heaving and Harry’s lips tinged pink from Y/N’s lipstick, the biggest grin stretched across his face, his eyes sparkling more than she had ever seen before, “I didn’t think I could love you any more than I did.”

Y/N’s eyes watered, a mixture of love and the come down from the adrenaline that had fueled her in the last few moments all began to hit her at once, “You are everything to me,” He murmured, “Everything.” 

"I love you too, Harry.” Y/N leapt into his arms, wrapping herself around him and refusing to let go. 

After leaving the house, it felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted, as though a burdensome weed had been plucked from their lives. The air seemed lighter, and even the moon appeared to shine a bit brighter overhead. As they walked, Y/N couldn't help but notice the peace reflected in Harry's eyes whenever he glanced up at the sky.

Though it wasn't the end, it felt like the first step towards releasing the things that brought no good into Harry's life. With Harry's arm lazily draped over her shoulder and hers around his waist, they stumbled down the street, unable to find a taxi or any passing vehicles to take them back to the train station. To outsiders, they might have seemed like a drunken couple, but in reality, they were simply two people deeply in love and, for that moment, they felt truly free—and that feeling was even better.

They boarded the last train back to Offutt that night, and Harry was adamant about keeping Y/N close. Despite the empty carriage, he insisted she sit with him, to the point where she was practically sitting on his lap.

As Y/N grew tired, Harry allowed her to rest her head in his lap while she stretched out across the seats. He gently played with her hair and traced the contours of her face. "Can I show you something when we get back?" he whispered. Although exhausted, and longing to simply fall asleep with him in her bed, she nodded in agreement.

Y/N giggled as Harry skipped ahead, the smile on his face had yet to be replaced as he led her to the warehouses at the airbase. “C’mon slowpoke,” Harry called much too loudly for this time of night. 

“Alright, alright, I’m coming,” Y/N shook her head, her cheeks aching from smiling so much.

Keys jangled in his back pocket as he pulled out a chain that had too many keys for Y/N to count dangling from it. He plucked one out and put it into the padlock that was keeping a lock on the large, metal doors to one of the hangars where the planes were kept. 

The doors clanked open as Harry pulled them apart enough for them to walk through. The light from the moon slipped through the gap, creating a dim light within the hangar. Harry switched on the lights in the panel on the side and the whole room lit up. Y/N followed Harry as he took her to the back of the warehouse where some of the planes which needed fixing up were kept. 

He stopped in front of a single-engine propellor aeroplane, painted blue with white stripes. It had a cockpit with a glass canopy and seated two people inside. Y/N frowned, “Is this what you wanted to show me?” Living on an airbase, she’d obviously seen plenty of planes that were different variations of the one in front of her so she was unsure what she was meant to be looking at that had got Harry so excited.  

Harry rolled his eyes playfully. He came up behind her and placed both his hands over her eyes to cover them. She stumbled as he nudged her forwards towards the side of the plane, “We’ve been working on this for a while and me and the boys have been struggling to give it a name. It was only until I met you that I realised what the perfect name for it was.” Harry removed his hands from her eyes, Y/N’s eyes squinting to adjust to the light until they focused on a word written in yellow on the side of the plane. 

Birdy. 

Y/N’s lips parted, walking up to touch the yellow font to see if it was real. She turned on her heel, eyes watering, “You named a plane after me?”

Harry bit back a grin, eyes twinkling, “Of course I did,” He whispered, “Need you with me all the time, now I can have you in the air too.” 

“Oh Harry,” She sobbed, wrapping her arms around his neck, “It’s wonderful,” 

“Yeah? Y’ like it darling?” He kissed the top of her head. 

“I love it,” She sighed, her eyes darting to the cockpit, “Can we sit in it?”

“Course,” Harry helped her up the little ladder and into the cockpit, before sitting in the spot next to her. “The electrics aren’t on so if y’ touch anything it won’t move.” Y/N’s hands pressed some of the buttons, still unable to believe she had a plane named after her. 

Harry smiled watching her and then leaned in to kiss her. Y/N ran her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. Their lips met in a passionate kiss, and Harry deepened it, his tongue sliding into her mouth and his teeth nipping at her bottom lip. “Harry,” Y/N breathed, her eyes fluttering shut as he began to kiss down her neck. 

“This is for you baby. There ain’t nobody else for me,” He whispered, “and I don’t want anybody else.” 

His fingers brushed down the skin of her arms as her head rolled to the side. He kissed the base of the column of her neck, “You love me?” He asks, voice raspy. 

“I do,” Y/N hums, her hands all over his clothed torso gripping the fabric in tight fists. 

“How much,” Y/N gasped as his fingers played with the buttons of her blouse before he slowly undid the first one. He pressed his lips to her collarbones as he continued on the next button. 

Y/N’s hands fell to the buckle of his belt, tugging on the metal to pull him closer. With every inch of skin that was revealed, Harry would place a small kiss there like he was worshipping every inch. Y/N could feel his breath fan over the top of her breasts as he got to the middle button, “C’mon baby, how much?” He taunted. 

His hand slid up her back under her shirt to the clasp of her bra, “Tell me how much y’ love me and I’ll make y’ feel good hmm? Is that what y’ want birdy?” 

Y/N nodded, “So much Harry, so much.”

“What?” Harry grinned, “Y’ love me so much or y’ want me so much?” 

“Both,” Y/N gasped, “Please,” 

Harry’s lips mould with hers as he uses both hands to remove her blouse, the buttons flying everywhere. Y/N’s hands fumble to remove his belt as Harry tugs his own shirt off hurriedly. His hands are hot against her body as he unclips the clasp of her bra, “So beautiful,” He says, in awe. 

Y/N’s cheeks heat at the compliment. His hand splays across her bag, his pinky finger digging into the hem of her skirt as he continues to kiss her deeply. “Harry, I-” Her face feels hot as she stops herself, feeling too embarrassed to ask the question.

“What is it darling?” He cups her cheek in his hand, brushing his thumb over her cheekbone.

She looks up at him, her eyes round and full of lust, she cups the bulge of his dick through his trousers in her hand, “Please?” She whines.

“Y’ wanna suck on m’ cock sweet girl?” He smirks, seeing her get all flustered as she nods quickly. She’s already trying to unbuckle his belt before he has time to say anything else. Her eyes widened when his cock springs out of his boxers, she still couldn’t get over how big he was as she wrapped two hands around the thick girth and pumped up and down. 

Harry groaned, feeling her hands wrapped around him. She pulled away to sit up on her knees in the seat, tucking her hair behind her ears and bending forward. Harry’s head falls back against the headrest as she puts one hand at the base of his cock and kisses the tip. “So big,” She murmurs. 

“Gonna take it in y’ pretty mouth baby?” Harry taunts in a playful tone.

Y/N sucks on the tip, her eyes closing as she tastes him for the first time. Gradually she takes him deeper, inch by inch, her tongue sliding against the thick vein of his cock as she does. “Good girl,” Harry praises her, grabbing her hair and holding it in a fist. 

She stops when the tip hits the back of her throat, using her hand to jerk off what she couldn’t take in her mouth. Harry groans when Y/N gags and pulls away to catch her breath, “Careful baby,” He squeezes her cheeks together and forces her to look at him. Seeing her red, glossy lips and hazy eyes, drool falling from the corner of her mouth from how big he was, almost made him cum right there. He wiped his thumb over her chin and kissed her, “Doing so good my girl,” He murmured against her lips. 

As she goes back to mouthing at his cock, he can’t help but run a hand down her back and squeeze her ass beneath her skirt. Y/N makes a sound that sends vibrations down his cock and he knew she’d have to stop before he came down her throat, “Need to be inside y’ baby,' ' Harry spoke. 

Y/N’s pops him out of her mouth, “Are y’ gonna fuck me now?” Her big doe eyes look up at him. She almost looked innocent if it weren’t for his cock in her fist. 

“Yeah darling girl, M gonna love on y’ now.” He tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear. 

Y/N's hands tangled in his curls as she adjusted herself to lay back on the seats. Harry’s lips parted as he looked down at her, her chest heaving and her nipples pebbling under his gaze. He ran a hand through his hair, the glass canopy around them fogging up with their breaths. 

Harry swallowed, moving on top of her and holding himself up with his hands pressed into the plush seat beneath. Y/N’s legs parted for him to rest between them, her hands going to his back, fingers digging into the hard muscle. 

“Are y’ okay?” Harry murmured, brushing some of the hair from her face.

Y/N smiled, “I’m fine,” 

Y/N could feel his hardened length on the inside of her thigh as he pulled her skirt up and revealed her white panties. Harry tutted, “Did sucking me off make y’ this wet baby?” He asked, his fingers moving her panties to the side to reveal her dripping cunt. 

Harry’s fingers dipped between her folds, brushing over her clit to collect some of her wetness before smearing it all over her pussy. His hand travelled down, smearing her juices over the tip of his cock before he lined himself up with her. 

“Y’know, I don’t think I ever apologised properly for what I did that day,” He pressed open mouthed kisses a long her jawline as the tip of his cock teased her entrance, “What do y’ say darling girl? Y’gonna let me be good and fuck my apology into you?”

Y/N’s hips bucked into him, “Mhmm,” 

Looping her arms around his neck, Y/N’s lips parted as Harry eased himself into her. She was suddenly reminded of just how big he was as he moved further and further inside of her until he bottomed out and she could feel every inch of him as she clamped around him,  “S’ good,” She hummed, her eyes fluttering open and closed. 

“Yeah?” Harry chuckled, kissing her quickly, “M nice and snug? Can y’ feel me in y’ baby?”

Y/N nodded, grabbing his hand and spreading out his fingers to press them against her tummy, “Feel you here,” She sighed.

Harry kissed her forehead, “Y’ like that?” 

“The best,” She smiled, lazily. 

“Made just f’ me that’s why,” Harry smirked.

Slowly, Harry began to slide in and out of her, taking his time knowing this moment was different to their first time. It was softer- gentle even. Y/N whines, feeling all of him against the walls of her pussy. Harry groans when he sees her stomach bulge when he moves back in her - a sight he could never overcome no matter how hard he tried. 

“Y’ fucking perfect Y/N. Feels so good.” Harry’s voice wavered as he felt himself get lost in the feeling of her.

As his hips moved faster, the closer he was to his release. He held her hips, glancing down to see his cock moving in and out of her. He feels her pussy clenching tightly around him, signifying she was close to her release too. 

“Am I making my girl feel good? Hmmm?” He presses his nose against her cheek as her head falls to the side. “M’ best girl, lovin’ me the way you do, how’d I get so lucky?”  Y/N couldn’t seem to find the words to reply, her body writhing beneath him. 

Harry pressed his hand down on her tummy, the added pressure making her groan, “Y’ gonna have my babies in there one day?” 

“Yes,” Y/N gasps as he fucks her harder. 

“Yeah? Gonna have all my kids and be a pretty little housewife?” Y/N whimpers, her hands scratching down his back. “I love y’ so much.” He whispers. 

“Love you,” Y/N slurred. 

Harry’s hand begins to rub at her clit, the added sense of pleasure filling her entire body with heat that only continued to build the more he pumped his heavy dick inside of her. Y/N feverishly craned her neck to kiss him, needing that extra physical touch. 

“Y’ gonna let me cum in you, darling girl?” Harry murmured, his voice shaking. 

“Please cum in me Harry,” Y/N’s eyes blurred as the bubble of heat burst in her belly. 

With a final thrust, Harry released a heavy groan as his cock filled her insides with his cum. Y/N’s back arched into him as her breath caught in her throat, her eyes rolling back when she came around him at the same time. 

Harry fell on top of Y/N, his sweaty forehead against her chest. She lazily moved her hand to his hair, running her fingers through his soft curls. Harry puckered his lips to press a kiss right where her heart was beating erratically. 

A silence fell around them as they tried to catch their breaths, “Have y’ forgiven me yet?” Harry murmured, his hands tracing patterns on her hip.

"I think I forgave you ages ago; I just wanted to punish you a little," Y/N admitted, a truth she had realised for a while now.

"I deserved it," Harry agreed.

"You did," Y/N acknowledged.

“But I’ll be better. For you, I’ll be anything but I’ll always try to be better,” He looked up.

Y/N cupped his face, “I don’t need you to be anything but you.” 

Harry kissed her palm, “Thank you… For it all.”

. . .

“Are you nervous?” Patsy asked as the girls sat on top of the hill on a picnic blanket. 

“A little,” Y/N lied, she had hardly been able to sit still since this morning. 

“Hey,” Molly smoked a cigarette, “These boys have done this plenty of times, I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“I just hope it all goes well, they’ve been working months on this.” Y/N’s eyes darted around to see if she could spot him. 

Elise sat on the picnic blanket in a diaper, chewing on her fingers and making noises. Molly swooped her up in her arms as she stood, “What do you think Elise? Will your brothers actually do something smart?” Molly cooed. 

Patsy hit her shoulder lightly, “Don’t be so mean,” 

Y/N’s ears pricked as she heard the sound of an engine in the distance. She removed her sunglasses, trying to see where the source of the sound was coming from. “Look!” Patsy pointed towards the thing moving in the blue sky. 

Y/N’s caught sight of the blue plane flying in the air, if she squinted enough she could see the yellow spelling of her nickname on the side, “He’s there!” Y/N laughed in disbelief, “He’s there!”

The plane flew closer and Y/N could make out Harry sitting in the cockpit with George beside him. All the girls waved, Elise giggling as they jumped up and down. Y/N took her hat off and started waving it around to try and catch Harry’s attention.

His head turned and a huge grin spread across his face as he saw her wearing a red dress just like she had told him she would after he told her they’d be flight testing the plane again and he wanted her to be there to watch. 

“Will you be able to see me on the ground?” Y/N asked as she sat atop his worktop whilst he worked on the plane, her legs swinging backwards and forwards. 

“It depends on how close y’ are. I can’t really see that well when ‘m flying high up.” He tells her.

“Hmm,” Y/N thinks, “What if I wear something colourful? Will y’ be able to see me then?”

Harry bites back a smile, “Maybe,” He shrugs, coming up to stand between her legs. He leans forward to kiss her, “Why? Y’ planning on wearing something special for me Birdy?” 

Y/N bites her lip, her eyes sparkling, “Possibly.”

“C’mon,” Patsy snatched the blanket off the grass, “They’re going to land soon,”

The girls headed back to the runway where the plane would land. They could already see Sonny looking through his bicolours. Patsy waved, running towards him and falling into his arms. “Did y’ see?” He looked down at her, happiness all over his face. 

“It’s great baby,” Patsy kissed him. 

Y/N watched as the plane descended, growing bigger against the sky. With a rumble, the wheels made contact with the ground, the plane gradually slowing down as it ran down the runway. Everyone ran towards the plane as Harry lifted the glass chamber and hopped out with George coming round the other side.

Cheers sounded through the air from everybody. Harry’s eyes immediately met Y/N’s, his hands reaching out to catch her in his arms. She leapt into his embrace, moulding her lips against his, “That was incredible!” She squealed when they pulled away. 

“Yeah?” Harry was trying to remain calm but she could tell he was proud of what he and his brothers had achieved today, “Y’ proud of me?” 

“So unbelievably proud,” Y/N spoke, her eyes radiating the truth in her words. 

“Ha, Ha!” Elise squealed for her brother.

Harry’s smile widened into a grin as Molly placed Elise into his arms, “Did you see that Elise?” He kissed her chubby cheek, “Did y’ see your brother flying?” 

Elise just babbled in response. 

Y/N wrapped her arms around Harry and Elise, joining in the embrace. At that moment, surrounded by the people he cared about most, Harry knew that he was exactly where he was meant to be. With a contented smile, he squeezed Y/N's hand, silently thanking her for always believing in him.

“Hey have any of you seen-” George glanced around before his eyes landed on someone in the distance, “There she is,” He murmured to himself. 

Everyone watched as he ran towards a woman standing by the entrance of the warehouse, “Is that Nancy?” Molly held a hand over her eyes to block the sun so she could get a better look at them.

“Hey, I think it is,” Patsy agreed, her eyebrows furrowing. 

Y/N looked up at Harry who just shrugged. 

. . . 

The same evening, the Styles’ house was filled to the brim with people who had come over for their house party, celebrating the success of today. Elise was staying at a family’s house since the party would most definitely be going on well into the night. 

Y/N observed Harry from across the room as he engaged in conversation with his pilot friends as she sipped on a cocktail Patsy had given her. She had no idea what was in it but she drank it anyway, knowing it was probably better not to ask. Every so often, their eyes would meet, and a smile would pass between them as they communicated in a language only they knew. 

She noticed his lips were still tinged red from the lipstick she had kissed him with as they got ready for the house party. Y/N had offered to wipe it away for him but he liked the idea of people knowing he had been kissing you just by looking at the colour of his lips and yours.

Y/N’s heart felt so at peace as she glanced around the room and spotted each member of her found family. Her life had been so grey and mundane until she came to Offutt where everything changed and love had given her a whole new palette of colours. 

It had been hard and full of ups and downs but it was worth it, every second of time was worth it. 

She felt a presence come up beside her and turned expecting to see Molly or Patsy but was surprised to see Nancy standing there, leaning against the wall next to her. “It’s funny, I’ve been here longer than you and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone look at somebody the way Harry looks at you.” 

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed, “Thank you? I’m not-”

“Listen,” Nancy turned to face her, “I’m sorry.”

Y/N’s eyes widened, “W-what?”

“Please don’t make me say it again,” Nancy turned away again, “I was a bitch and I liked Harry but not for the same reasons you do. I should have stood up for you and him the night of the bonfire when that asshole came and spoke to you but once again I was a bitch and quite honestly I probably still am a bitch but I’ve met someone who I really like and I’m trying to be better.” 

Y/N’s eyes softened, “Nancy-”

“I totally get it if you hate me and I don’t expect to be friends with you but George is Harry’s brother so we’re probably going to be seeing more of each other and-”

“Nancy,” Y/N interrupted her rambling, “It’s okay,” 

Nancy’s shoulders dropped, “Really? You don’t hate me?”

“I’ve never hated you, I just haven’t particularly liked you but I think that could change if we truly got to know each other.” Y/N shrugged. 

Nancy's eyes widened with surprise, hope flickering in them. "You mean that?" she asked, her voice tentative.

Y/N nodded, offering a small smile. “If you're George’s sister then one day we might be sister-in-laws and that would make things awfully strange if we didn’t get on, don’t you think?” 

“Yeah,” Nancy huffed, “Those boys sure do need a break from family drama. I mean there’s some serious daddy issues in that family.”

Y/N laughed, it was the first thing they both had ever agreed on, “You can say that again.”

Nancy's face lit up with relief and gratitude. "Thank you," she breathed, her voice trembling with emotion, “I-I’ve never been good at having friends and I truly am sorry for being so horrible. If it helps, I guess you managed to prove me wrong, I think I even proved myself wrong with the way things are now.” 

Y/N reached out and squeezed Nancy's hand reassuringly, “It’s all okay.” 

Nancy and Y/N spoke for a little longer. Giggling as they compared their boyfriend’s habits with one another until George came over and whisked Nancy away. 

A hand snaked around Y/N’s waist, her gaze falling on those ring-clad fingers. She turned to look up at those beautiful, green eyes, “Hi Harry,” 

“Hi Birdy,” He whispered, his eyes darting from her eyes to her lips and then back up again. “Y making friends?”

“I’m trying,” She grinned. 

“Good to know,” He smirked and then held out his hand, sliding his fingers to thread with hers, “Y wanna dance with me?” 

“M not very good you know,” She had told him plenty of times before.

“S just swaying,” He repeated the words he said to her the first time they danced together. 

Y/N laughed softly as Harry pulled her closer, their bodies swaying gently to the smooth jazz music filling the room. She rested her head against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. With a contented sigh, Y/N relaxed into his embrace, letting the music wash over them. In that moment, as they moved together, there was nowhere else she'd rather be than in the arms of the pilot she pictured spending the rest of her life with. 

"What are you thinking in there?" Harry tapped the side of her head with the pad of his finger.

Y/N hummed, "I'm just happy,"

"Yeah? You are?"

"Yeah," Y/N sighed, resting her head against his heart, “I love you, Harry, so much,” Y/N murmured. 

“I love you too Birdy,” Harry leaned down to brush his lips with hers, “Bigger than the whole sky.”

taglist:

@ribbonknives @scorpiotulipicon @hermionelove @champagnepronlemsxxxx @n0vaj3an @roxyfan14-blog @avasbeanie @idontcareforausernamesblog @tpwksummer  @celesterry @love-letters-to-uranus @boredhsblog @tpwk-harry-styles @groupieloveclub @estaticheart @unknownkii @royaler1999 @lovebittenbyevans  @harryscherri @emsma11 @fairytale07 @psciostyles @hannah9921 @junhuisworld @fandomxo00

[wosoamazing]

Too Late To Be Fair

Warnings: death (caused by drunk driver), mentions of emotional abuse (R as a child), mentions of drinking and drunks, implications of self doubt and associated things, wishing someone would die. Please let me know if anything else.

Note: Grace is a fake player, due to previous ideas and maybe future ideas I had to make a player up... she does some things none of the girls would ever do....

A/N: Story inspired by Pray (Jessie Murph) & Mansion (NF) - and other things but I listened to these songs and I was like ooo good story idea. There probs will be a part 2. I hope you like it - also I know I said one of the McFoord fics would be out next but um yeah...

“Y/N We’re sorry to inform you but your Dad was in a car accident he was hit by a drunk driver” you couldn’t help but laugh at the irony, you dad the drunk being hit by a drunk driver. Everyone looked at you in disbelief.

“Y/N that’s not very appropriate,” Grace said, before others death stared her, clearly not knowing your situation, of course you were going to blow, especially at her, the thing you had wished for, for so long, finally happened, yet just after you cut him off, so it didn’t matter, it didn’t mean you could have an easier childhood, it was just another way of the universe punishing you. Waiting until you had moved out, cut your ties and in the spotlight, to finally kill him. Almost exactly a year since you cut him off, won the trial, got the restraining order, the one which he protested, causing the gruelling 3 day trial, to decide whether it was needed or not.

“Oh, sorry we don’t all have perfect little lives with perfect Mummies and Daddies, some of us actually had a shit childhood, faced real world problems, no rich bitch problems, oh Mummy and Daddy told me to pick up some rubbish, oh my life is shit they abuse me” you were dragged out of the locker room and into an empty physio room by Leah, Beth, Katie, Caitlin, and Steph who all sent you a glare when the door had shut, “Oh like she didn’t deserve it,” they all couldn’t but help let out a smile. There was an awkwardness in the room, as the girls all looked between each other not knowing how to approach this.

“You guys can all go, I’ve got this, thank you though,” Leah spoke, breaking the silence, everyone left except Beth, but Leah didn’t mind. You and Beth had a very close relationship, you had been close friends since your grassroots team, Beth helped you through the year of your life you realised you were gay, and then when you crushed on your now girlfriend, your then national Captain. Beth felt bad the year you told her about your Dad, she knew something was off but you never told anyone, barely anyone stills knows the full story, but that day Beth and you promised that you would be there for each other forever, and that was true, she had been there during your trial and so much more, and you were there for her when Dan broke up with her, Beth was really your rock and you were hers. Beth moved to sit in the chair on the opposite side of the room, giving you both space, whilst also being there in case you needed it. 

“Are you okay?” Leah couldn't find the right words, but she knew deep down the wrong words were what you needed her to say, you weren’t going to break, and release it all otherwise.

“Of course I’m not fucking okay Leah,” you looked up at her, she hadn’t even flinch at your words, instead she pulled you in for a hug. Which caused hot angry tears to fall from your eyes “Why now, why couldn’t it have been a year ago, 3 years, hell any time after I was 12. It’s unfair, its fucking unfair,” you paused, and Leah slowly slid her back down against the wall, bringing you down with her, your legs either side of hers as you sat in her lap. Your eyes connected with her soft kind caring blue eyes, and you could see how her lips formed a soft kind reassuring smile. You broke, big fat tears streamed down your face, as you sobbed, Leah gently pulled your body forward, so you were no longer sitting up, but leaning on her, she placed your head into the crock of her neck, before moving her arm to wrap around you lower body, her other hand was placed on your back, her thumb moving up and down, as she whispered reassuring words in your ear. 

“W-why now, when I’ve already lived the hard life, when I’ve been through all that shit. When I’m already screwed up, when I already have trust issues, when I already doubt myself everyday, so much so that I do it unconsciously” you sobbed into her neck.

“I know baby, it's not fair, and it's not right. But I’m here now, and I’ve got you.”

“I-I I used to wish he would die, I used to imagine cops showing up at the door when it was later than he used to come home, them telling me and me not being upset. I used to hope he just wouldn't come back from work trips. I used to imagine people asking me why I wasn’t upset when he died. I used to think of the fact that he was an alcoholic so he wouldn't get a kidney or liver transplant, unless it was a directed donation. I had to say yes, how could I say no if I was a match, but how could I say yes. You know how fucked up you feel when you think that stuff, you know how messed up I thought I was, but that was all his doing. It's just unfair.”

___

You had calmed back down and decided to go see all the girls again, the only problem was that no one had realised what song was playing in the locker room, too deep in conversation to be aware of it.

Waking up but wishing that you don’t. It’s something that I pray you’ll never know.

A song that connected with you so deeply sent you back over the edge, and you quickly spun on your feet and speed walked away, Beth followed behind you.

“What the actual fuck were you thinking McCabe” you girlfriend yelled.

“Wha?” the room had gone quiet and attention was drawn to the music, “Oh fuck, shit, sorry, we werent listening to it, its just automatically come on. I promise, I wasn't trying to be funny, I wouldn't do anything like that to Y/N”

Leah just turned around packing your bag and hers, “Tell Jonas we’re going home.”

“Sorry” Katie yelled as Leah went down the hall.

Leah found you sitting in the middle of one of the side hallways. Beth’s arms were wrapped around you and your body was shaking.

“Come on baby, let's go home.” She said as she placed a hand on your back, Beth slowly released her arms around you, which Leah quickly replaced with hers.

_____

“What’s on your mind? I know it's something more than your Dad” your girlfriend said as she sat down on the bed next to you, legs crossed and leaning back against the headboard. You had just arrived home.

“It's stupid.” you sighed, looking away from her eyes.

“I promise you, it's not stupid, it's your feelings, and your feelings are valid” she said, voice unwavering before pulling you into her lap.

“I don't know, I just feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.” “What do you mean baby?” “I don't know, I just feel like something is going to happen, like something is going to happen and you’re going to realise that this was all a mistake and leave. You’re going to get sick of constantly being second guessed for no reason just because I’m messed up, because I don’t believe someone could actually love me this much. You’re going to get sick of me, and all my insecurities, ” she pulled your body into hers, your head finding a place in the crock of her neck, tears started to fall from your eyes, causing her neck to become wet.

“Y/N, baby, I love you so much, and I promise, there is not another shoe that will drop, we have been through so much together, we got through those 9 months together, we got through the trial together, and I promise we will get through whatever life throws at us together, forever, we will go through the highs and lows together. I love you so much, and I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone else. I will never hurt you, I promise.” 

[mizgnomer]

Behind the Scenes of The Star Beast - Part Eight

Excerpts from Benjamin Cook's Star Beast Set Visit - discussing the Camden night shoots:

Is nobody here having a bad time?? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM? "I had a little lull earlier," admits David, "at 2AM when we were waiting to turn over- I definitely yawned, maybe twice - but then the blood starts pumping again." Wrap isn't till 3AM. David lives across town. Isn't he worried he'll wake up his family when he gets in? "Listen, the kids are at Davison's," he says (this is Fifth Doctor actor Peter Davison, who happens to be David's father-in-law), "so I'm full of beans. Oh, and sugar. Do you want some?" He's bought a churro from a market stall that's stayed open because it's very much in shot. "You can have more than that." He breaks me off a bigger piece. "The sugar rush will do you good." He offers the director [ Rachel Talalay ] some too: "Go on, Rachel, you deserve it." "Are you doing OK?" she asks him. "Yeah! Sugar! I'll move on to the Yorkie bars next. I give not a fudge at this time in the morning." He claps his hands, dusting off the sugar from his churro. "But are you OK?" "I am at this moment," she says, waving to some fans. "Tomorrow at 4:30AM I might not be. Ask me again then." "You do get a lot of love from the fans, don't you?" says David. "In a tiny way, which is just lovely. I mean, I'm not you," she says, with a laugh. "I love hearing them scream for you. But I'm not used to any of this. And… I think it's stopped raining." "OK, here we go," says Scott. "Let's go for one. Stand by then, folks…" They go for another take. And another. When I catch up with Rachel later – much later, it’s October 2023, and she’s chatting over Zoom from her home in Vancouver – we’re five weeks away from The Star Beast airing on TV. “I didn’t know quite how well the episode was working,” she says, “till my family watched an almost-finished cut. I came downstairs, and my two girls were crying. It was like, oh, OK, this does work! And on a much, much deeper level too. To have them go, ‘We knew it would be full of joy’ – which I think it is – ‘but we didn’t expect it to be so emotional,’ that was very satisfying. It was an emotional time all round.” It was. In more ways than one. Which is something that Rachel wants to talk about – here in DWM – for the first time publicly. “I think I can now,” she says, “because I’m close to two years in remission. I will be this month. Two years in remission. And Doctor Who really helped heal me. Directing Doctor Who while I was only a couple of months post-chemo.” A deep breath. “I had lymphoma,” she explains. “I’d been in chemo for seven or eight months. I wasn’t sure if I was going to survive. Then I was offered The Star Beast. I thought, I’ve got to do this. I didn’t tell anybody I was sick. I hadn’t told anybody except very close family. And I didn’t tell anyone on Doctor Who till I was there long enough to say, ‘Look, I’m well enough, so I don’t want you worried about me.’ Because, frankly, I don’t know that they’d have wanted to hire someone who might not have made it through the shoot. I totally get that. That’s fair enough. [...] “I could not have been surrounded by a more supportive crew,” says Rachel. “The best crew in the world. When I realised, it’s all night shoots, I thought, oh god, and I’m two months post-chemo. But that crew – David especially – made those night shoots so fun. It’s weird now, because I look back at the pictures – like that lovely one of me and David you published last issue – and that was my chemo hair. I was just getting my hair back. But I got healthier and healthier, stronger and stronger, as the shoot went on. When I got back to Canada, the doctor said, ‘You’re a poster child for how well someone can do after chemo. This is what people are capable of.’ “But it’s just what you do,” she reflects, “isn’t it? – when you love Doctor Who in your heart so much. There was no better place for me than Doctor Who.”

Additional parts of this set are in the #whoBtsBeast tag. The full episode list is [ here ]

[geminiwritten]

hold on ; billy butcher

fandom: the boys

pairing: billy x reader

summary: you’re the youngest member of the boys and you hate that butcher insists on calling you ‘kid’ so you show him in more ways than one that you are not a child

notes: this is very weak, but it was kind of good writing practice because i definitely don’t write a lot of action (i’m so sorry if it sucks)! as always, please let me know what you think!

warnings: a lot of swearing, google translated french, age gap (not specified, but inferred) guns, violence, a dagger, explosion, descriptions of wounding (please don’t read if any of this is triggering for you!)

word count: 4310

Butcher is an asshole. You knew that from the moment you met him. He is rude, and brash, and impulsive to the point that made you believe he didn’t have an angel on one of his shoulders, only two antagonistic little devils. You often found yourself itching to dig your fist into his face, especially when he called you by the stupid nickname he coined the moment he met you. Kid, or The Kid, if you weren’t in the room. It vexed you beyond belief, and you knew exactly why.

Butcher is an asshole, but he’s also fucking gorgeous. He’s tall and broad, and his voice is so delicious, it often finds its way into your filthiest dreams. To say you were obsessed with the man wouldn’t be an overstatement, and it was no secret, everyone but Butcher himself knows it. You’ve wanted him from the moment you met him, but then he went ahead and called you ‘kid’ and you quickly realised that he didn’t see you as anything more than one of the boys. The youngest one of the boys.

“Are you okay, mon amour?” Frenchie asks, nudging you with his shoulder.

You look at the man sitting beside you, dressed head to toe in black with a bandolier slung across his body. The van rattles as it hits a bump, and across from you, MM casts an angry glare toward the driver’s seat.

“I’m good,” you reply, flexing your fingers around the gun laying across your lap.

You were no stranger to the weapon, having spent years training in the special forces before flunking out the minute you found out about the movement for Supes to be contracted into the military. You were furious and scared, and then you ran into an old neighbour whose mother used to be book club buddies with yours – Hughie – and the rest is history.

“Butcher’s on location,” MM says, tucking his phone back into the pocket on his vest.

“Make sure he waits,” Hughie calls from the front of the van. “It’ll take me five minutes to get eyes on the whole building, but he can’t go in blind.”

MM looks at Frenchie, “Are you sure about this?”

“Positive,” Frenchie replies, “They will not be prepared for a raid, and they will have the information we need.”

“And how many are going to be willing to give it to us?” you ask.

He grimaces, “Not many, but I do not doubt your persuasion skills, mon cherie.”

“Persuasion,” you scoff, looking down at the weapon in your lap.

Don’t get it wrong, you weren’t some kind of super CIA motherfucker who should be feared by all, but you were pretty swift when you needed to be. You weren’t overly worried about the mission, not with Frenchie, MM, and Butcher at your back, but you hadn’t properly exercised your training in months. You know you’re going to be rusty, and you don’t exactly know what you’re walking into, but Frenchie does, and he’s confident in your ability.

The objective was simple. Frenchie had some old friends who were keeping tabs on his and Butcher’s movements and feeding them back to someone who was then getting them to Vought somehow. All you had to do was shut them down and find out who their contact was, and probably murder more than half of them in the process. Simple, right? Except for the fact that not even Frenchie knew exactly how many men you were running in on, or what kind of weapons they had.

“We’re here,” Hughie announces, just before the three of you in the back lurch forward with the sudden stop of the van.

You button up the fastenings on your fingerless gloves and check that your bandolier is packed with extra magazines before standing up. MM opens the doors for Hughie, and he jumps up into the back of the van with his laptop under his arm. Frenchie pulls a small stool from the storage cage and plants it in front of the flip down desk as Hughie begins unpacking his equipment. No more than five minutes pass before video images start popping up in black and white squares across the screens.

“Butcher,” Hughie says, tucking his earpiece in, “can you hear me?”

You fix your own piece into your ear before routinely checking the clips and fastenings across your tact suit.

“I can ‘ear you,” Butcher’s voice rumbles in your ear, and you can feel your cheeks flush pink.

“Alright,” Hughie scans the screens in front of him, “they’ve got pretty high tech surveillance, but their security isn’t great. I’m getting twenty-two heat signatures, most in the basement, a couple on the ground floor, and three on the fourth. According to Frenchie’s intel, there are other tenants in the building, so my guess is that three up top aren’t apart of this.”

“The two at ground level are most likely security,” Frenchie says. “There are always one or two of them watching the building’s main entrance.”

“But there’s another way in?” MM asks.

Hughie nods, “Looks like you can access the basement from the back, but that’s probably their main point of access, so you’ll want to find another way in.”

“You tellin’ me there’s one fuckin’ door to this place?” Butcher’s voice comes through the earpiece again, and you have to flex your fingers around your gun to remind yourself to focus.

“The backdoor and the building’s main stairwell,” Frenchie replies.

“Two fuckin’ doors?” Butcher says. “Fuckin’ hell, Frenchie, how the hell are we s’pposed to get out if things go wrong?”

“Nothing will go wrong,” Frenchie states, giving you an incredibly confident grin.

Your stomach twists nervously, but you don’t let it show, returning his grin with a nod and a small smile.

“There are windows,” Hughie says, “but only Y/N will fit, maybe Frenchie.”

“Then we go first,” you look at Frenchie, “through the windows and make sure Butcher and MM can get in the back.”

“No fuckin’ way,” Butcher snaps. “We don’t know what kind of weapons these cunts got, and if you two get overpowered, we won’t be able to get in ‘n’ help. We all go in the backdoor, force our way in.”

Frenchie chuckles, “You are a fan of forcing yourself into the backdoor, Monsieur Charcutier?”

MM snorts while you and Hughie snicker, but there isn’t a sound from Butcher.

“Look,” you say, “I appreciate your concern, Butcher, but we have the best chance of surprising them by slipping in where they won’t expect.”

Frenchie giggles again at your unintentional innuendo.

“Listen, Kid,” Butcher says, sending wave of irritation through your body, “I appreciate your concern, but I ain’t lettin’ you ‘n’ Frenchie get killed for somethin’ as trivial as a bit of intel.”

“I’m not a fucking kid, Butcher,” you bite back, at which everyone in the van startles. “Frenchie and I will meet you at the backdoor.”

You pull your black kerchief up over your nose and crack the van’s doors open, peaking out cautiously before stepping down and into the dark night. Frenchie and MM follow your silent footsteps toward the brick building, skirting around the side until you find the low and narrow basement windows. You point at MM and then toward the back of the building, and he nods before hurrying off.

“There’s a guard waiting outside the backdoor,” Hughie’s voice comes through your earpiece.

You hear a couple of grunts before MM says, “Not anymore.”

“Do you have Butcher?” Hughie asks.

“We’re in position,” MM affirms.

You nod at Frenchie and he gestures for you to go first, so you turn to the closest window. You take a deep breath before crouching beside the window and gripping a lip in the brickwork to help swing your body through. Using your chunky black boots, you kick the window in and follow the momentum with your feet first. You hit the concrete floor with a thud, quickly darting to the side before Frenchie drops down in the same fashion.

“What the fuck?!” one of the men shouts, scrambling to get up from the old and torn sofa on which he sat.

Your hands are on your gun before you can remember thinking about it, and a gunshot bursts in your left ear as a thug across the room fires at you, missing completely. You take aim and shoot his shoulder, making him drop his gun and crumple to the floor in pain. Two more bullets hit the brick wall behind you, and two more of the gangsters fall with wounds in their shoulders. Frenchie is already rushing to the backdoor, and you cover him easily by dropping three more men with pistols and hitting one in the leg who was scrambling toward the stairs. A cluster of lankier looking men cower in what looks like a makeshift drug lab, all wearing rubber aprons and protective goggles over their eyes. You turn away from them and take down another heading for the stairs, watching him fall on top of his comrade before whipping around and firing at a thug who was pointing his gun at Frenchie. The bullet cracks as it hits him in the side of the head, but you don’t have time to regret your aim before someone tackles you from behind. You duck forward, gripping his thick arms before he can strangle you, and use his momentum to throw him onto his back on the floor in front of you with a loud thump.

Your gun is back in your hands as you scan the room over its barrel, a familiar sense a satisfaction quelling your fight mode when you find every assailant either downed or cowering with their hands up. The backdoor creaks open, and MM and Butcher march in with guns up before stopping abruptly at the sight of the pacified room.

“What did I tell you, eh?” Frenchie says, and you hear it more in your earpiece than from across the room. “She is fucking incroyable.”

“Holy shit,” MM mutters, lowering his gun.

Butcher’s eyes are wild above his face covering, filled with an emotion you can’t discern as he stares at you across the dark room.

“Alright,” Frenchie shouts, pulling his kerchief down, “where the fuck is Lafeyette?”

The room stays quiet, but the four of you slowly cast heavy glares across the fallen thugs until one of the timid lab assistants points a shaking finger toward the two men collapsed by the stairs.

“Time to talk you filthy sac de merde,” Frenchie spits, as he and Butcher stalk toward the men.

MM nods at you as he readjusts his gun and widens his stance, guarding the door in case anyone thinks of trying to escape. Your fighter instincts settle at the slight sense of security, and you sling your gun over your shoulder as you approach the small drug lab.

“What are your names?” you ask the men.

Three of them glance at the shortest of the four, and with trembling hands he moves his goggles onto his head, revealing two clean circles of skin around his bright blue eyes.

“I am Gabriel,” he says, his accent thicker than Frenchie’s, “this is Théo, Lucas, and Éliott. They do not speak English.”

“Can they understand it?”

He nods, “Mostly.”

“Good,” you nod and hold your hands up, “I’m not going to hurt you, unless you give me a reason to.”

They all shake their heads vigorously.

“Are you here because you want to be?” you ask them.

“No,” Gabriel replies, and the other three shake their heads again.

“How did you get here?”

“Théo and I came together,” Gabriel says, “without papers, and Monsieur Toussaint said he would get us citizenship. Lucas and Éliott were here already, and they have kept us from leaving.”

You gesture to the bench full of laboratory equipment, “You make drugs for them?”

“Oui,” he nods, “Lucas is a- uh, how do you say un scientifique?”

“A scientist,” MM calls out from behind you.

“Oui,” Gabriel nods again, “he teaches us to cook.”

You frown, “Do you have any family here?”

“Théo has family in America,” he replies.

“Does he know where they are? Can you contact them if we help you leave?”

His bright blue eyes sparkle with hope, “Oui!”

You nod, “Good, we’re going to try and help you, okay?”

You barely finish your sentence before MM screams your name, and you feel the weight of a large hand on your left shoulder, dragging you back and blocking your ability to grab your gun. You crouch under the pressure and reach your thigh holster with your right hand, gripping the hilt of your dagger. You unsheathe it as you turn in a full one-eighty, escaping the assailant’s grasp and sweeping underneath his arm with your dagger outstretched. The blade slashes horizontally right beneath his kneecap, causing him to buckle as you rise to your full height and lacerate his throat. You leap back to avoid the spray of blood and falling body, watching the man slump face first into the concrete floor at your feet.

When you look up, you find every pair of – conscious – eyes on you, a mixture of terror and disbelief written across the room of faces.

“Are you okay?” Frenchie asks, though there is more pride than concern in his expression.

“I’m good,” you reply, crouching down to clean each side of your dagger on the dead man’s shirt before tucking it back into your holster.

Butcher drops the collar of who you assume is Lafayette, and you still can’t read his face behind his kerchief as he stares at you.

“Uh, guys,” Hughie’s voice speaks into your ear, “someone heard the gunshots, you’ve got emergency response on site in less than five minutes.”

Frenchie swings his foot into Lafayette’s stomach before nodding at MM, “Let’s go.”

You turn to the four lab assistants and gesture toward the backdoor. They scramble to remove their protective gear before hurrying toward MM who guides them out. Frenchie jogs past you, but Butcher stops and holds his hand out.

He pulls his kerchief down, “I’ll do it, you get out of ‘ere, Kid.”

“Fat chance,” you scoff, “now go.”

You’ve already got the gas canister in hand, and he knows you’ll pop it before he can argue, so he turns and mutters something inaudible as he stalks toward the door.

With your kerchief securely up over your nose, you release the pin and throw the gas into the room before turning to the lab table. You work quickly, pouring the two vials that Frenchie gave you into an empty beaker and setting it atop a lit burner. In five long leaps, you’re out the door and slamming it shut before sprinting away.

Butcher is waiting for you just around the side of the building, his hand outstretched. You barely have time to grab it before a huge explosion blows through the low basement windows and shakes the entire building. Butcher pulls your body against his, pivoting so that his back is to the blast as it knocks both of you off your feet. You hit the ground and your ears ring, but you don’t feel a single bit of debris hit you thanks to the body lying on top of yours.

“Fuck,” Butcher curses, though his voice sounds distant in your ringing ears.

You look up at him, his face inches from yours and smattered with dust and dirt. The adrenaline coursing through your veins has your whole body on high alert, overly aware of every part of him that is pressed against you.

He looks down at you, his pupils blown wide as his gaze darts to your lips. He licks his own, his chest heaving against yours and your head spins with a thousand filthy thoughts. For a split second, you think he might kiss you, and your breath catches in your throat in anticipation, but then he pushes himself up and offers his hand. You sigh and take it, letting him haul you off the ground.

“You alrigh’, Kid?” he asks.

“I’m not a fucking kid,” you spit, snatching your hand from his.

You run toward the van and leap into the open doors, Butcher at your heels. Hughie slams on the accelerator before Frenchie has even closed the doors, and you instinctually grab onto the nearest thing to steady yourself. It just so happens to be Butcher, and you know not from the scratch of his beard against your temple as you cling to him, but his scent. Warm and woody, with hint of apple-scented soap and whiskey.

You retract quickly and fall into the seat on the opposite side of the van, resting your head back against the blocked-out window.

“What the fuck, Frenchie?” MM exclaims. “You said that would be a small explosion, that it would look like an accident.”

Frenchie grimaces, “I did not account for the other reactants in the lab.”

Butcher sits quietly across from you, his eyes trained on you as you do everything you can to avoid looking in his direction. You focus on your gun, unlocking the empty clip and clicking the safety on. MM and Frenchie speak with the four timid men huddled at the back of the van, asking them a series of questions before deciding where would be best to take them.

After a painfully long drive, Hughie stops the van and Frenchie helps the four men out of the back doors. He tells you all to go back to the safe house and he will be there soon. The rest of the ride home is tense and silent, MM not daring to speak once he sees the irritated frown on your face as you fiddle with your equipment, packing it into cases and locking it in the van’s storage cage.

Once safe inside the decrepit apartment you currently call home, Hughie grins at you, “Holy shit, Y/N, you are fucking bad ass.”

“Thanks,” you mutter, starting on the clips of your tact suit.

“I wish I saw all of it,” MM says, “you’re deadly.”

A small smile quirks the corner of your lip, and you let out a small sigh as you release the last buckle on your Kevlar vest. You drop the heavy thing on the dining table along with your bandolier.

“I’m still pissed that you didn’t listen to me,” Butcher states, at which you roll your eyes, “but you did good, Kid.”

Your head snaps in his direction, your eyes narrowing at him. “Do I look like a fucking child, Butcher?”

Hughie’s grin vanishes and MM freezes on his way to the couch.

“Do I?” you press, holding your arms out as if to emphasise your attire. “Because a fucking kid couldn’t do what I just did, yet you insist on calling me by that fucking name!”

He doesn’t flinch the way Hughie does, nor are his eyes as wary as MM’s. He remains his usual cool self, though his frown is more curious than irate.

“Didn’t realise it bugged ya so much,” he says.

“You don’t fucking realise much, do you, Butcher?” you snap, before turning on your heel and marching toward the room that was designated yours.

You march inside and slam the door, but a pair of heavy boots are hot on your heels, and you curse the landlord for not installing any locks as the door swings open again.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Butcher demands, slamming the door once again behind him.

You unzip your outer jacket and throw it on the bed, “Didn’t I make it clear?”

“Uh, no, actually,” he steps toward you, “I’m not fuckin’ pissed about the raid, I’m pretty fuckin’ impressed, but you’re still throwin’ a tantrum like a fuckin’-”

“Like a child?”

His eyes narrow, and he crosses his arms over his chest, “I was gon’a say kid.”

You clench your fists in an attempt to refocus your frustration, digging your fingernails into your palms until it stings.

“Look,” he says, “I know you’re capable, and fuckin’ talented with a gun, but I wasn’t tryin’ to be a dick, I was tryin’ to keep you safe.”

“Because I’m so young and stupid?” you ask, voice dripping with sarcasm. “Because I can’t fucking handle myself even though I just prevented all of you from getting your fucking asses kicked?”

He sighs, “I never said you’re fuckin’ stupid.”

“But I am young,” you mutter, your voice revealing more emotion than you intended.

His brows shift into a dubious frown, “What’s this fuckin’ obsession with your age?”

“What’s your obsession with my age?” you snap, “Calling me ‘kid’ all the time and acting like you’re my fucking babysitter.”

“Oh, so fuck me for caring ‘bout your safety, is that it?”

“No, Billy, that’s not it,” you sigh, tearing your gaze from his to focus on unclipping your thigh holster.

“Then what is it? ‘Cause I don’t know what I’ve fuckin’ done!”

Your holster comes loose and you grip the hilt of the dagger with white knuckles, standing straight again.

“You haven’t done anything!”

“Then what haven’t I fucking done?!” he exclaims, unfolding his arms and throwing his hands up.

The little voice in your head splits into a thousand, screaming a thousand different commands at you. Cry, yell at him, throw something at him, scream, hit your head against the fucking wall, punch him in the throat… kiss him.

Your ears, still numb from the explosion, fill with the sound of your thumping heartbeat as you take three quick steps toward him. His height is intimidating, but you don’t have time to regret your decision as your fingers curl into the material of his shirt and pull him toward you. You have to stretch onto your toes, your other hand finding his chest for stability as you crush your lips against his.

For a second, you think you’ve seriously fucked up, but then his mouth begins to move against yours and your knees buckle. His arms catch you, wrapping around your waist and holding your body against his as his tongue slides across your bottom lip. You part your lips with a sigh, and he takes all control, claiming your mouth and wiping your mind of any thought that isn’t him.

In two easy steps, he backs you against the bed, sitting you down without his lips ever leaving yours. He crawls on top of you, straddling your thighs and catching your hands as they find the buckle on his belt.

“Love,” he sighs against your lips, “hold on.”

You blink up at him, slowly coming down from your high, “To what?”

He chuckles, “I meant slow down a sec.”

“Oh,” your cheeks burn, and you snatch your hands out of his grasp. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t ever fuckin’ apologise for that,” he says, a dopey smile on his lips, “but I don’t know-”

“I do,” you interrupt him, holding yourself up on your elbows.

He raises his brows, “What do you know?”

“I know that I want you,” you reply, “and I know that you want me. I don’t know if this is a good idea, but it fucking feels like it, so please, Butcher… please.”

“Fuck,” he groans, his eyes lingering on your lips before trailing down your body to where he sat. “I know I want you, but why the fuck do you want me?”

You snort, “You’re kidding, right?”

He only frowns.

“Butcher, I have wanted you from the moment I fucking met you,” you fall back against the bed with a sigh, “I don’t know how you haven’t fucking noticed.”

He leans over you, holding himself up with a hand either side of your head. “Why?”

His voice is so deep and his eyes so dark, you struggle to breathe as your clothes suddenly feel like they’re strangling you.

“Because you’re-”

“An asshole?”

You giggle, “Yes, and rude, and brash, but you’re also fucking beautiful.”

His heavy breathing suddenly stops and his eyes widen as they search yours, as if looking for some sense of deception or sarcasm. You open your mouth to reassure him but he swallows your words with a kiss, his lips crashing into yours with bruising force. His mouth moves across your jaw and down your neck, and you whine when pulls away before quickly realising that your high-neck undershirt is in the way. His fingers find the hem and yank it up over your breasts, not bothering to remove it completely before his lips assault your chest, biting and soothing your skin in five separate spots as you writhe beneath him.

He moves down, placing a kiss on your sternum and your stomach, before pausing at the waistband of your pants and looking up with hungry eyes. “You sure ‘bout this?”

His hot breath fans your skin and goosebumps rise in response.

You nod, “Yes, please, Butcher. Yes.”

The buckle and button are loosened in a second, and he groans at the sight of your lacy black panties. He places a hot, wet kiss just above the hem before sitting back and unbuttoning his own shirt. He doesn’t manage to shrug it off though, because you take the opportunity to grip either side of it and pull him back down on top of you. The feeling of his skin against yours makes your whole body clench, and you know you’re kissing him sloppily but he doesn’t seem to mind.

Your fingers find his belt again, struggling to remember how the damn thing works when he pulls away with a gasp, “Hold on.”

You frown, “What now?”

He chuckles, “No, sweethear’, not like that.”

His hands take yours guiding them up over your head until you feel the wood of the headboard at your fingertips.

“I said, hold on.”

END.

[velocesainz]

Hiiiiiii would you want to do

Childhood bsf Annabeth chase x Apollo reader who is dying of an illness that can't be cured , only Luke and reader know about it and reader refuses to tell anyone else, wanting Annabeth not to worry thinking that reader just gets sick often.

When Annabeth leaves for a quest when reader's sicker then normal only to come back and reader is gone only leaving a sentimental gift to both Luke and her behind with a letter saying goodbye and sorry something like that ?

She/her or they/them please do tell if you cannot write this

I love this request, thank you so much!

Summary: reader is dying of a terminal disease and nobody knows except Luke. Annabeth sees that reader is getting sick but doesn’t think much of it but realised when it’s too late

Warnings: very sad, angstyyy, mentions of death

Pairing: Annabeth Chase (platonic) x Apollo! Fem! Reader, Luke castellan (platonic) x Apollo! Fem! Reader

A/n: this might be the saddest thing I’ve ever written and I’m here for it. Make sure to request!

Percy jackson masterlist | Main masterlist

Improper Goodbyes

Reader pov:

I was in the bathroom in the apollo cabin spewing my guts out into the bowl along with blood. I found out I had cancer a few days ago since father had sent me a letter (I am the favourite child).

I was just sitting on the floor thinking about how I was just going to disappear. I felt relief but also was overwhelmed by the faces of all my siblings and friends especially Annabeth, my best friend since the day I was born.

I was sitting there thinking about all the good times I had at camp when the door burst open revealing Luke, my other best friend.

“Hey y/n I was thinking about heading out to pick some strawber- what happened?” Luke asked incredibly worried seeing the blood in toilet bowl.

I didn’t want to tell him but he deserved to know. As one of um closest friends he deserved to know what was wrong with me.

“I-I have cancer Luke. Leukaemia stage 3. Incurable” I told as I saw his face drop with every word I said

“H-H-How long do you have left?” He asked me and I could see tears springing into his eyes

“6 months maximum. I’m sorry Luke” I told him and looked away, I couldn’t bear to see Luke crying

“We’re going to make these 6 months the best you’ve ever experienced. Let me just tell ever-“

“No Luke. You’re not telling a single soul about this.” I cut him off

I looked back at him and he gave me a sad smile. He was upset that I wouldn’t let him tell anyone but he also wanted to respect my wishes.

“Alright then. But if Annabeth finds out and tells the rest of the camp don’t blame me! Now come on, we have memories to make” Luke said as he dragged me out of the Apollo cabin

Timeskip:

I was talking to Annabeth by the fire when I felt nauseous again. This is the 5th this happened today and Annabeth seemed to be catching on slowly

“Hey y/n are you alright? You seem to be extremely pale and sickly looking recently” Annabeth asked me

“Yea I’m fine, just been a little under the weather recently” I lied through my teeth

“Nothing a little ambrosia can’t fix! I’ll go get some for you right now” Annabeth said as she got up but I pulled her right back down

“There’s no need for that Annabeth. I have some back in the cabin, I’ll drink it before going to bed don’t worry about me” I tried reassuring her but she didn’t really seem to buy it

Annabeth pov:

Why was y/n acting so weird? It’s weird enough that she’s been sick for so long and in top of that she refuses to take ambrosia even though she takes it multiple times a day when she is sick.

Am I missing something here?

No Annabeth, you’re overthinking it. She’s a child of Apollo, she can take care of herself.

“Annabeth, Percy and Grover please join me up front here” Chiron called out probably to inform us of another quest.

I was really getting fed up of being dragged by Percy everywhere for his troubles and quests. I wanted to spend more time with the others at camp.

I want to take care of y/n like how she took care of me.

I rarely even see her anymore since she’s mostly just locked in her cabin or I’m on a quest with seaweed brain.

I don’t know how much more I can take of this. I hope this ends soon.

Timeskip:

I was packing up for the quest and just as we were about to leave y/n came up to me along with Luke .

“Can I hug you? I really want to get a hug from you before you leave for another long quest” she also mumbled something at the end about this being her last hug or something but I didn’t pay much attention to that.

“Of course honey! You don’t even need to ask, you know I absolutely adore your hugs” I said as I hugged her.

I then realised how much thinner she had gotten. I could feel the bones in her back as I hugged her.

I again didn’t pay attention to it because some people here at half-blood have had really bad flu and other diseases but have always recovered from it.

But this time felt different. I felt a strong twine in my gut. Something was wrong.

Probably in the quest. That always happens.

Y/n pov:

I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker day by day and I knew my last few moments were drawing closer.

I started writing letters to the ones I cared most about and also gave all my stuff away leaving only the sentimental pieces for the ones who mattered the most to me

It hurt to let go of this beautiful place but our fates have been decided and there is nothing we can do to change it.

As I laid on my death bed surrounded by my cabin mates and Luke they told me how much I meant to them and how much they will miss me.

I couldn’t focus on that however. I just wished Annabeth was here with me. I wanted to say a proper goodbye but she wasn’t here.

I felt my eyelids grow heavier and heavier. I could barely speak but I had to tell Luke what I wanted to say to Annabeth.

“Luke tell Annabeth that she was the most amazing friend I could ever ask for and also give her this” I told told him as I gave him a letter that I had addressed to Annabeth.

Luke pov:

I couldn’t believe it. My best friend was dead and her last wish to see her childhood best friend couldn’t be fulfilled.

I felt grief sadness and guilt overcome me as I feel to my knees next to her body.

The only person who truly understood me was dead. How was I to move on?

I walked with heavy steps to my cabin and I saw her ring on my bed with a letter.

That ring meant to much to her. It was given by her mother and it contained the most beautiful sapphire I had ever seen.

She never let anyone touch it since it meant so much to her. I guess I meant just as much to her as this ring.

I looked at the contents in my hand. Annabeth’s letter along with a small box.

If only Annabeth was here. Y/n would’ve passed away surrounded by all of whom she loved.

Annabeth pov:

I returned to camp after the quest but that feeling never went away.

Everyone at camp looked grim and depressed, especially the Apollo kids and Luke.

I tried to look around for y/n but I couldn’t fine her anywhere.

Luke came up to me and handed me a letter and a small blue velvet box.

“Y/n wanted you to have this. It was her last and only wish” Luke said with a coarse and scratchy voice. It sounded like he had cried for hours.

“What do you mean last and only wish? Is y/n ok? What happened to her?” I asked Luke hoping to find some answers but he just gave me a sad look.

“Read the letter. You’ll understand everything” he told me and left

I hurriedly opened the letter and read what was written:

Dear Annabeth,

I hope I was able to give this to you in person but if not then so be it. You have been my best friend for over 10 years at this point and our friendship was the most cherished thing I ever had. You made me laugh, think, enjoy life and many more things. I’m sorry we couldn’t grow old together like we said we would but just know I’ll always be supporting you along the way. I have stage 4 leukaemia and it is incurable. I’m sorry for not telling you earlier but I didn’t want to worry you. This is getting really long but I just wanted to let you know that you were the best thing in my life and I will always be with you in your heart. Please don’t grieve over me. I love you.

Your best friend,

Y/n

Tears pooled in my eyes as I continued reading the letter. After I finished I opened the small box which had her necklace inside it.

Her most prized possession.

It was given by her father. A bow and arrow pendant with the most beautiful diamond I had ever seen. She wouldn’t even let people see it forget touching it.

How was I to live without my best friend? I can’t be without her.

Why are the gods so cruel? Why did they have to take her away?

I broke down in the middle of the field crying.

Everyone passing by gave me sad looks and walked away knowing I’d want to be left alone.

My best friend was dead. My sister. My lifeline. My support and my soul had been ripped away from me.

All she wanted was to see me before she died and I couldn’t even do that. What kind of a friend was I?

She was gone and there was nothing I could do to bring her back.

A/n: Let me know your guys feedback on this and let me know what other people/genres you want me to write about! Requests are open. Kissies ✨

[whereireid]

𝐃𝐄𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐃 - 2/2

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 | 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨

pairing: dark!ex-boss!steve rogers x fem!reader

WORDCOUNT: 4.6k warnings: dubious consent ! - sexually naive reader, rough p in v, oral sex [m + f receiving] - height difference [6'6 steve, 5'3 reader] -, misogyny, sexism: breeding kinks -daddy kink, captain kink. choking, pregnant!reader: spanking, gaslighting- especially shein at the end LOL - emotional abuse, assimilation, kidnapping slight mention - steve gets his happy ending

PSA: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION. THIS CONTENT IS CONSIDERED MATURE. 18+ ! If any of these topics trigger you, please do not indulge in this content! This is a DARK!FIC, and is intended to come across as such. Minors, please dni - this content is 18+ and is under my #WOMNSFW tag.

summary: Once Captain America's assistant, you're now the up-coming mother of his child. After Steve's jealousy finally becomes out of hand, you snap at him, only to realise that's the very last thing you should do to a Super Soldier. He decides that your defiance lights a match to spark the fire of you being a brilliant mother.

-

It’s not like Steve to get this riled up. It’s just difficult watching you discuss initiative with a rookie rather than paying attention to him. He watches as your small hand falls down to brush over your stomach, wondering if your fingers splay over it as a means to reassure yourself that the baby growing inside of you is okay.

Jealousy isn’t a good look on Steve. He’s not a complete airhead - he knows dames usually don’t like it when a man gets stupidly possessive and starts trying to control them, but he just can’t help it. You’re his - literally. Not only are you literally his personal assistant, but you’re also his fiancé and the mother of his child.

“Sweetheart, don’t you think it’s time we get home now?” His voice booms across the training room, his thick hands coming up to massage your shoulders softly. “This much standing can’t be too good for the baby.”

You're terrible at analysis, Steve realizes. You hadn't even noticed he had approached you - evident by how his touch makes you flinch. He feels your nerves jolt beneath him, but to the regular human eye, nothing appears wrong. Steve admits that you’ve grown incredibly wary of his touch recently, only engaging in displays of affection when around other people. In the comfort of your shared home, though, it’s like when he touches you, your body slithers with disgust.

“I am growing slightly tired.” You throw an apologetic smile over at the rookie you were speaking to, all whilst leaning into Steve's touch willingly. He doesn’t miss the prickles of goosebumps that ripple up your skin, the fear which prickles at the back of your neck. He frowns - has his touch ever been unloving, unkind? “I think it’s best I go home and rest up."

Your mutter a few apologies, which forces an eye roll from Steve. Why are you apologizing to people who aren't even worth your time? Frustrated, he begins to steer you out of the compound quickly, irritated as you shuffle away from his touch as though his mere skin is poison.

The drive back to your shared home is silent. Steve is seething as he drives, his grip on the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles are beginning to turn white. He’s tried to be patient and understanding - he really has. But he’s blessed you and he doesn’t understand why you’re so hell-bent on rejecting him and then repenting as though he's a curse. You’re throwing tantrums similarly to what a toddler would, sitting next to him in silence and stewing in unspoken anger, and Steve can’t help but feel slightly hurt by your actions.

Is he not good enough for you? Is that it? Or have you grown tired of him? He has been more than kind, allowing you to still attend work despite the fact you’re growing his child. He has bent and adapted so you do not break, shrugging away every single urge to force tradition upon you.

Perhaps what you need is a sense of tradition. Maybe that will stop the fiery defiance you display, both in public and at home.

“We’re home.” Steve’s voice booms loudly in the car, and you stir from your position, your eyes fluttering open at him.

“Good. I’m tired,” you sigh heavily, forcing yourself out of the car quickly before Steve could come around and open your door for you. “Today’s been exhausting.”

“How so?” Steve almost sneers, grabbing your bag from the car and slamming the driver’s side door shut loudly. “All you do all day is make appointments for me and flirt with other men. It can’t be that difficult.”

You groan, waiting for Steve to unlock the front door before following him into your home. “I don’t flirt with other men, Steve. Stop being so delusional."

You drawl his name out with such annoyance it makes Steve’s jaw twitch. “Really? So you weren't all over that rookie earlier today?” He turns away in annoyance, flicking the light to the living area on. The house keys sway in his fingers, and he chuckles dryly, “give me a break, sweetheart. You were practically begging him to fuck you.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose, sighing exasperatedly. “So what if I was begging him to fuck me, Steve?" Your hands fall to your stomach, holding it protectively whilst staring at him with furrowed brows.

Holding something he made.

He stills. “Excuse me?”

The calmness in Steve’s tone makes your blood run cold. You try to ignore how he stops still in the archway of the living area; how his large frame tenses and his fists clench. You suddenly feel as though all the air has been sucked out of the room, and you stumble out (in one last act of pitiful defiance), “so what if I was begging him to fuck me, Steve?“

The drawl of his name is what finally makes him snap. It’s like he sees red - like he can’t believe how you’re actually treating him, despite everything that he’s done for you. Steve’s palm is quickly splayed across your throat, and he growls, sounding similar to that of a wild animal as he begins to try and force you to your knees.

It's not like you don't go down without a fight. You try to resist, somewhat, anyway, but you can’t, because he is so, so much stronger than you are and it’s fucking scary. His hands are so strong that they diminish any force of fight you had within you, as trying to resist him makes you actually feel like your shoulders are going to snap. You whimper pathetically as you kneel before him, staring up at his pupils, which are blown and blackened.

You know better than to irritate him by now, so why do you keep doing it?

“You’re mine,” Steve snaps, his blue eyes icy as he pulls his zipper down. The sharp noise makes you flinch beneath him, trying to shuffle away, but the grip he has on the nape of your neck is tight and holds you in place. “You must be fucking crazy if you think I’d ever let another man touch you. If you think I’ll ever let another man look at you again without consequence.”

His fingers grab at your jaw, forcing your mouth open and you cry out. Steve is visibly angry - furious is perhaps a better word, given the fact he’s practically shaking as grips your face whilst also aggressively pulling his thick, hard cock out of his boxers. “You’re going to have to learn how to put that mouth of yours to better use, doll. It's wasted on those shitty opinions of yours, anyway."

Hands roughly grabbing at your hair, pulling your face towards his cock, you have not much choice but to take him in your mouth. It’s intrusive - terribly so, and Steve manhandles you so roughly it makes your tears prick with tears, but it shamefully sends a throbbing to your pussy. You clench your legs together as you take him, choking as he slides in and out of your mouth until you’re a blubbering mess below him, spit and tears painting your cheeks as he fucks your throat relentlessly.

“Who do you belong to?” He grunts out, pulling so hard at your hair your head pulses. Steve’s hips stutter as you choke around him, your eyes doe-like and wide, covered in wet mascara. “Who the fuck do you belong to?”

“Y-you, Steve,” you choke out as he pulls out of your mouth with an uncomfortable POP!, relishing in the breaths he’s allowing you. “I belong to you.”

Steve's cock is so big it's actually painful. Your throat constricts around his cock as he forces your head down again, grumbling out, “I bet that rookie couldn’t treat you like this. I bet he couldn’t fuck you full of his babies like I have, doll.”

You whine beneath him as he continues to use your throat. Steve is driven entirely by his own pleasure, tiring quickly of your pathetic crying around his cock. With angry thrusts of his hips, Steve watched you gag around him, his cock twitching in your throat as you take all of him in; every inch, and his length is actually somewhat visible in your neck. And it’s driving him crazy- so crazy that he can’t hold back anymore, his rough hands grasping at your hair as he finishes, painting your tongue with his cum.

Steve watches as you choke and thrash against him in an attempt to get away, because his cock and his cum is stuffing your mouth in ways it’s never been stuffed before. It’s suffocating you, and blackness pricks at the corner of your vision - you’re just about to pass out before you Steve mercifully pulls his cock out of your mouth with a disgusting squelch and delivers you a hard slap.

The stinging from his hand sends a sheepish insatiable throbbing to your core that you know will never be satisfied. The tingle which tickles your core makes you clench your thighs, knowing no matter how hard you repent, tonight he will not forgive you.

“This throat is mine to use,” he seethes, his tip still leaking as he presses his cock against your cheek, satisfied with the discomfort that flutters throughout your features. “Say it.”

“This throat is yours to use,” your bottom lip quivers, your eyes spilling tears, some of which fall on Steve’s cock. And it’s shameful how wet you are - how the heat between your legs has grown uncomfortable and how you’re certain your pussy is slick with arousal because somehow it’s all you can focus on. You melt into a weeping puddle, your hands tiny compared to Steve’s cock, desperately trying to push his length away during your tantrum.

It doesn’t work. If anything, it makes him much so much harder - his cock throbs against the skin of your face, and you sniffle as he speaks. “Good girl,” Steve’s praises, his fingers curling in your hair, watching as your eyebrows contort in pain as he tugs gentler than you deserve. “Look at your pretty little face. Covered all over with cum and tears.” He coos, smoothing your hair down gently, a soft pang of love throbbing within his heart.

Your face flushes red, and you blink up, your wet, long lashes batting up at him ridiculously. “I’m sorry,” you murmur, your throat incredibly sore from his invasion, your hands desperately clasping at his thighs, and he watches you in amusement, unable to bite back the excitement as you brush your lips over his length meekly. “Please forgive me, Steve, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know if I can, honey,” he tells you, his big hands making gentle, loving motions in your hair. It’s a sharp contrast to the aggressiveness of his touch moments beforehand, but you bask in it nonetheless. “You were flirting with that rookie, baby, you said you wanted to fuck him. How am I supposed to forgive you for that?”

“I didn’t say I wanted to fuck him!” you whine, and Steve shakes his head.

“That’s what I heard, baby.”

You sniffle, and Steve shakes his head. Why do you have to lie to him? He doesn’t like making you upset - he certainly doesn’t like hurting you. His pretty girl, sitting in front of him with raw, red knees and an even rawer throat, whose ass is yet to be spanked until the pain renders you unable to move. He hates it, and he wishes this pain on nobody, especially not his little girl. Steve is meant to protect you, not hurt you. He’s your saviour, the one man in your life you can rely on and trust with all of your secrets, and yet you lie to him, again and again and again.

Steve hates making you upset, but he loves watching you cry. Conflict tugs at him from the inside, his thumb making gentle strokes in your hair as you speak to him. “I’m sorry, I really am,” you finally say, sinking beneath him obediently. “I didn’t mean any of it. It’s - its probably just the hormones.”

Steve hums in agreement. “It probably is, doll, but just in case it isn’t…I’m going to have to teach you a lesson.” He sucks in a breath, muttering, “let’s see how sorry you really are, doll.”

It takes everything in Steve not to finish all over again when he pulls you atop of him and you gasp in shock, his big hands forcing your hips down, and before you’re even aware of it, your walls are sheathed around his cock. Tight - so tight, and wet, too: ridiculously so. Shameful squelching sounds flood the living room as Steve fucks up into you with long, even thrusts.

The mewls that escape your throat as your small fingers dig into Steve's frame makes him want to impregnate you al over again. If he could, he would - your pussy is addicting, gripping him just right. You’re like Goldilocks. Your walls are so tight that you're practically milking his cock for his cum -, and he bites your neck slightly as you shake and tremble against him, your first orgasm crashing over you like a wave. Hot flashes come over you as your core tightens, the coil inside of you snapping- your little legs shake and you hold onto Steve for support, who rides you through your orgasm.

“This pussy is mine,” he practically growls, his fingers clawing around your throat, palm splayed against it uncomfortably. You thrash wildly when he squeezes, but Steve doesn’t care: you don’t deserve him, not at all, not one bit - he is Captain America! He can do what he wants!

“This pussy is yours,” you rasp as his cock nestles against the spongy spot inside of your pussy, your hips desperately rolling to get any source of friction. “Please, Steve! It’s all yours! Wanna cum again! Wanna cum!”

As you cry desperately, your frame pressing up against his, Steve grins, thrusting up into you painfully slow. The motion is enough, though. It sends sparks of pleasure shooting up your spine, and your coil tightens - it grows tighter every single time he moves, the brush of his cock against the insanely sensitive spot inside of you making your legs quiver.

“You love it. I know you love it, sweetheart. Being filled with my baby. It makes you real wet, doesn’t it, doll?" His voice is gentle, and he peppers soft kisses against your neck, eradicating the pain he had left behind earlier.

"Mhm. I love it and I love you, Steve," you agree eagerly, your hands digging into his shoulders, your timid body taking every slow, dragged thrust of his. “I’m so close.”

Your whimpers make his cock twitch inside of you. You sound heavenly - angelic, the gentle moans that slip past your lips making him wish he could just give you his baby all over again. And he will, after you’ve had this one - god, he can’t wait to pump you full of his babies again and again and again. Steve's hands grip your hips gently, his eyes fluttering shut as your velvety walls squeeze him again, so soft and perfect, and he lets out a hearty moan which makes the knot inside of you tighten.

"I want it," you whimper, your nose brushing against his, and you gaze up at him through wet lashes. “Please.”

Your begging makes Steve bloom with pride, and at your words, he thrusts up into you harder. It's not long before you're bouncing quickly atop him, mewls and cries of pleasure slipping past your lips. Your curls fall messily in front of your eyes, and he sucks in a breath at the ecstatic state of you: you’re desperate - so close to your edge, again. Your cheeks are warm and messy, and the sounds of slick bouncing off of the living room walls makes you feel more cockdrunk than you already are.

And then you begin to come undone atop of him.

He does, too. Steve loves it. Your velvet walls squeeze him so tightly that you’re milking him - you take in every drop of his cum, and as his hips still inside of you, Steve places gentle kisses against your nose.

Your big, beautiful eyes stare back at him, your hips juddering against his. You pant, your nails digging into his chest as you steady yourself atop of him. For a second, you can’t believe it - you really let Steve use you again.

But he loves you. And then conflict tugs at you all over again, because he is a good guy, incredibly so! He’s Captain America, his job is literally to protect you - and hasn’t he done exactly that? You’re the most protected person in America right now, considering the fact you’re pumped full of his babies.

“Do you trust me, sweetheart?”

You nod. “I- I do, Steve.” Your voice trembles, leaning your body weight against his, unable to hold yourself up.

“Good girl.” He brushes his nose against yours, smiling as you tremble against him. “That’s all you’ll ever have to do.”

As Steve carries you to bed, tucking you in tightly, he smiles down at you. He’s glad he’s finally changed the locks, and he’s glad that you don’t have one of the new keys.

He can keep you here now until he thinks you’re ready to go. Until you’re ready to accept your place as Mrs. America.

—

What you used to call kidnapping, Steve called assimilation.

You’re not locked in his house, unable to go home, unable to contact any family or friends. No, you’re just in an educational program, learning how to be a perfect housewife. That’s what Steve says, anyway, snickering away to himself as he does.

It’s lonely, and it’s scary. Yet you have nothing to fear, especially when Steve comes home. He wraps you in his arms, engulfing you in his scent, pressing you against his brawny body as though you’re his world. You breathe him in, clutching at him desperately, thankful that he’s coming home safe and sound.

It’s been so long the thought of escaping no longer even brushes your thoughts, but still, Steve wonders if you have realised your place. He can’t risk letting you out if you haven’t - but then again, who would believe you? A pregnant woman whose husband represents all of the stars and stripes?

Still, he can’t help but worry about you. Have you assimilated? Have you learnt? It’s a question that Steve isn’t sure of the answer, but as you curl into his big frame, he believes that you have. Perhaps you’ve finally learnt it’s easier to comply with the Captain’s orders than to defy them.

“How has your day been, Steve?” you ask, nudging your head into the corner of his neck as he presses his palms against your stomach. He’s big and warm, comforting and strong, peppering gentle kisses against your face, praising you for being such a gorgeous girl.

You’re bulging now. Practically ready to give birth at any second. It sends a gentle ache to Steve’s length, his lips pressing lovingly against your stomach. He loves coming home to you. He always has, even when you defied him and cried and begged him to just treat you like a colleague again. It’s selfish - Steve knows it’s selfish - but he just couldn’t ever go back to not knowing you. Now that he has you, he can’t let you go. Ever.

“Work was fine. Buck and I had to do introduction training with some rookies. They didn’t even leave a scratch.” Steve laughs, hooking his fingers in your sweatpants, tugging them down slightly so your entire stomach is on display. “How was your day, mama? Productive?”

It is slightly distracting as Steve kisses your belly. You scrunch your eyebrows in concentration, your fingers resting in his blond locks. “I painted some of the nursery.” You say shyly, face flushing as he begins to murmur sweet nothings to your stomach. “Just did the trims. There was a few deliveries that came, too, but they were too heavy for me to move. Didn’t wanna hurt myself.”

“Good girl.” Steve’s breath fans against your stomach, his head nestling against you, his hands tugging your sweatpants down some more. “I’ll move them after dinner, get ‘em all sorted,” he tells you, eyes eagerly trained in on your panties as your sweatpants drop to the floor.

It takes everything in him not to let an audible groan crawl out of his mouth. The panties you’re wearing are lacy and baby pink - similar to the ones you wore the first time he fucked you, and it sends another terrible ache to his cock. You squeal as Steve presses a soft kiss to your clothed pussy, and he can hear how quickly your heart begins to race in your chest.

“Steve - Steve, stop, I have a question. Steve, it’s serious!” He stops, looking up at you with his big blue eyes which glisten with mischief. You almost don’t want to ask because he seems so giddy - but then you have caught him in a good mood, so you’ll risk it anyway. Your heart tightens in your chest, and your lips set into a frown when you ask, “I was wondering - uh, when I have our baby - could I - could I go back to work?”

Steve reacts like you’ve just slapped him across the face. His smile drops, and his eyebrows furrow. Just when he thinks you've learned, when he thinks he’s finally flushed you out of this ridiculous twenty-first-century feminist bullshit, it drags you back in.

A woman’s place is not at work. It’s in the home.

"Why do you need to work when you have me?" Steve's voice is eerily calm, and his stubble brushes against your inner thigh. You still against him, tense as your fingers stop in his hair, and he can hear your heart gently racing in your chest.

"It's - it's just something I'd like to do. To keep myself occupied."

Steve groans, rubbing his nose into your skin. "You will be occupied, doll. You'll have a baby to raise."

You gnaw at your lip. Steve’s eyes are intense, and he tries not to bark out an order for you to stop. gnawing on your lips. He despises it when you do that. “We could always get a babysitter so I could go back to work,” you suggest, voice faltering when you notice his eyes darken slightly.

"No. It is your job as a mother to look after our children, sweetheart.” He shakes his head. “Besides, I don’t trust anybody else to raise them.”

"Steve-"

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." Steve grunts from below you, his blue eyes darkening as he gazes up at you. "In fact, I don't want this mentioned again - ever - do I make myself clear?"

“Steve-“

“Do I make myself clear?”

You pout, nodding silently, and Steve lets out an exasperated sigh. His cool breath fans against your thigh, and his thumb doesn’t stop brushing your stomach. He wonders where he ever went wrong with you. You’ve been so good recently, and he ponders on why you have to ruin it. Steve thinks you do it on purpose, rile him up as a way to show one last act of fiery defiance.

He’ll be the bigger person today.

“I can work for us. I can provide for us. Your job as my personal assistant is irrelevant now that you’re carrying our baby.” Steve peppers another gentle kiss against your clothed pussy, and you shudder, your eyes fluttering shut slightly as his fingers hook around the waistband of your underwear, gently beginning pulling them down. “You’ll have everything you’ve ever wanted. Everything you’ve ever needed. Put your faith in me, doll, that’s all I ask.”

“Okay, Steve.” Your throat feels tight when you swallow, your knees buckling slightly as Steve’s tongue licks a stripe up your pussy. It sends you by surprise - a hot white flash shoots up through your spine as you tighten your grip in his hair.

“You're soaking, doll,” he murmurs as he parts your thighs with his hands, pressing gentle kisses against your heat. It does feel good - Steve's entire focus is you, and he gently rolls his tongue against your nub, circling his tongue from your clit to your hole and then back up to your clit. "Do you just love the thought of having my babies and taking care of them, baby? Does it get you as riled up as it does me?”

It's embarrassing that Steve's words make your pussy throb. It's even more embarrassing that he knows, a satisfied smirk painting his lips as he dips his tongue into your sweet nectar again. His tongue darts around your clit, and your knees wobble slightly at the action, your hands gripping onto him for support. "Roll against my face, baby, it's okay. I know you want to." His words of encouragement make you mewl, and you do just that - roll your hips against his face, your vision going starry as his tongue swirls against your clit perfectly, the stimulation making the knot in your stomach tighten.

"Steve," you whimper out, your eyes fluttering shut as your legs wobble, his large hands coming up to hold them in place. The feeling of his fingers darting across your thighs sends butterflies to your stomach, and you whine as his tongue keeps flicking against you, making sure to hit every angle of yours he knows that you like.

You hate how much he knows you. You hate how he knows that you're about to cum as your legs give way. Steve hums, the vibrations sending shocks to your pussy, your fingers curling in his hair, the grip tight. You see stars, and hot flashes shoot through you - the knot inside of you tightens and tightens until you feel it snap, to which you cry out, flooding Steve's face with your wetness. And he loves it - he fucking loves it, soothing praises escaping his lips as he quite literally licks your clean, his fingers rubbing soft circles on your thighs.

It's terrible how much you ache when he pulls away from you, how much you miss the feeling of his hot breath fanning against your pussy. Steve stands, his head nestling in your neck, his hands rubbing smooth circles against your stomach. You pant against him, still coming down from your high when you hear a timer ding in the distance of your kitchen.

"Dinner's ready," you murmur, looking up at Steve, flushing as his deep blue eyes stare down at you.

"Dessert before dinner. Not my usual go-to," he comments, to which you laugh.

When he enters the kitchen, the table is already set. You both eat with no mention of your old job - it’s like all defiance within you has melted away, opting to believe that Steve is right. Opting to believe that Steve will do right by you.

[ghostofhyuck]

Taguan ng Anak series 5

Ex-fuck buddies! Jaemin and reader

Summary: it was supposed to be a non-committal, no strings attached setup which involves only bodily pleasure.

Because any emotions involved will destroy what both of you have.

cw: mentions of pregnancy.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The table fell into an awkward silence. You couldn’t help but to stare at the burger in front of you, still untouched.

“Hey, you know that you won’t be full if you just keep looking at it,” Jaemin said, making you glance at him. He’s munching the burger as if it was his last meal.

You couldn’t help but pick a piece of fries instead. “When you said that we’ll talk, I expect to be in a coffee shop or somewhere I don’t know, peaceful.”

“What? Isn’t this your favourite burger place when we were in college? Plus I was craving burgers,” Jaemin explains, giving you a smile.

That is why you didn’t like the place. It was your go-to burger place back in college. Until now, the price is still the same and so is the quality. It brings you memories; the good one and the bad one. Especially the memories you had with the guy in front of you.

“Ah right, I am still mad at you,” Jaemin nonchalantly points out.

“You’re still not over it?”

“Of course! Seven years and you hid Hyunchae from me! I wouldn’t know him if he didn’t message me first!”

See, not only your child was the splitting image of Na Jaemin but he also has the wits and the intelligence of his father. But you know that Jeno is also part of this scheme.

“Because Hyunchae wasn’t supposed to happen, you know that Jaemin,”

“But he did, and you kept him! So why did you keep him away from me?”

“Because you’re not ready for a commitment!”

If there’s one thing that you can describe about your college life, it's that you’re free. You partied every Friday night. Spend most of your free time hanging out with your friends, sometimes even going on short vacations outside Seoul.

You date around, flirt on bars, and even have one night stands. Despite these questionable things, you still find time to work on your degree and maintain a good average. You know how to work your life and balance your leisure time. You didn’t take relationships seriously because college is still heavy for you to add commitments to your priorities.

Jaemin entered your life like a hurricane waiting to destroy a town. He’s a member of a photography organisation where you signed up to be a muse. You two immediately clicked after a project and a friendship bloomed.

Of course there goes the flirty banters and the subtle way of wanting to get into each other’s pants. You were prideful enough not to ask Jaemin out so it was him who suggested that you two enter a non-committal relationship that just involves you two being fuck buddies. There were things that were off-limits and of course, it was mainly for pleasure. The first one to fall in love, loses.

Both of you know that you two aren’t ready to enter a serious relationship. So your setup with Jaemin was what you needed, and thought that it’ll go well until you two graduated because it went for months, people began to question whether the two of you are dating.

Well not actually, and didn’t matter to you. You’re fine with Jaemin flirting with other people and so is he with you, after all, it really is no string attached.

It went on until you two graduated. It was when the two of you said goodbye to each other that you realised how big Jaemin’s role has become in your life. You didn’t expect that it’ll sting a bit when he said goodbye to you during your graduation, but there, you were also reminded about the thing he tells you whenever you two meet.

“Don’t ever let emotions ruin what we have.”

Well it did, because months after graduating you called Jaemin. You let your emotions succumb to you because you long for Jaemin’s touch. From the outside, you acted like you just missed what you two had but deep inside you craved how soft and caring he was with you.

And you were stupid because that’s how Hyunchae happened. You blame yourself for not being careful, for being emotionally hazed to remember what happened. You know that it was a mistake especially when Jaemin told you that he’s not yet ready for a serious relationship, that is why you hid Hyunchae from him.

The only person who knows all of this was your cousin Jeno. Jeno knows all the stupid things you did back in college, sometimes he’s an enabler but sometimes he becomes against your decisions. When he heard that you were pregnant, he wanted to call Jaemin but you begged him not to. Still, that didn’t stop him from bothering you and trying to tell you that you should inform Jaemin about Hyunchae when you were raising the latter.

And it seems like he went behind your back and what’s worse was that he even brought Hyunchae in his little scheme. You were shocked to see Jaemin calling you nonstop. Hundreds of missed calls and messages from your social media shocked you one day; all from Na Jaemin.

Turns out, Hyunchae reached out to him through his instagram and how Hyunchae even knows how to use instagram and write direct messages is surely the work of Lee Jeno.

But there’s no point in hiding from him especially when Hyunchae himself introduced that he was Jaemin’s son. So for once, you agreed to meet up with Jaemin.

“Fine, be angry whatever you want but it was my fault that Hyunchae happened,” you replied. Casually waving him off.

“What do you mean, don’t be stupid, it’s my fault too that I wasn’t being careful,” Jaemin defended.

“Jaemin. You know that our setup was just for fun right?” instead of answering you, Jaemin became quiet. He stares at you as if he was trying to read you. You couldn’t help but feel your heart beating fast.

“Right?” you repeated, nervous at Jaemin’s silence.

Jaemin rested his arms on the table, hand under the chin with his gaze still on yours, “what if I told you that I wasn’t playing?”

You faked a laugh, “don’t be stupid Jaemin, you were always the one who reminds us that we shouldn’t let our emotions ruin what we have.”

“That’s not for you,” Jaemin confesses. “That was for me, I was afraid that if I let my emotions take me, it’ll destroy what we have.”

“Jaemin, don’t tell me…”

“Yeah, I’m starting to have feelings for you during college. It was stupid because you weren’t ready for a serious relationship so the best way for me to get closer was to have that kind of setup,” Jaemin explains.

You couldn’t believe what you just heard. You tried your best to repeat his words in your mind and no matter how much in denial you are, everything that Jaemin said was true.

He likes you. What the fuck, Jaemin likes you and you like him. You two are just stupid because you two didn’t communicate properly.

“I can’t believe it,” you could only laugh in disbelief. “Is that why you agreed to meet up with me?”

“What do you think? But you made it clear that it was nothing,” Jaemin pointed out. He sounded frustrated as he brushed his hair. “I was about to confess, but you told me it’s nothing and I held myself back. I thought…fuck, I’m letting my emotion ruin what he have.”

“Jaemin,” you held his hand, making him stop and look at you.

Seven years and you’re still the same girl that made him go crazy. Jaemin couldn’t help but reciprocate your touch, intertwining his fingers to yours.

“Well now that we cleared up some things, I wonder, do you still like me?” he asked.

You became quiet for a moment, “I’ll be stupid if I said that I couldn’t get over you.”

Jaemin laughs, “then that solved all my worries. Maybe this time, we can make it real right?”

“Right,” you said, smiling. “Do you want to meet Hyunchae too?”

“Of course! I just hope he likes me,” Jaemin said. Standing up from his seat, his hands never leaving yours.

As you both left the place, Jaemin couldn’t help but to tug you closer to him. He gives you a warm smile and from there, he kisses your hand.

“Come on now, our son is waiting for us,” he said.

[irondadfics]

Hi!!!! Hope you're doing great. So, I really love fics where tony makes a mistake, like yelling at peter, misunderstanding, argument, ignore peter, etc. And then he feels guilty and apologize. I already checked out all the "tony is not nice" tag and I really loved it, so I was wondering if you have more fics like this. Thank you very much! I really love what you do!

We got a few recommendations with these themes! Enjoy!

Mistakes by happyaspie

Peter is injured during a mission but Tony is too distracted to notice... or listen when Peter tries to ask him for help. This leads to some frustrated tears, a trip to medical, a few promises and, of course, forgiveness.

You Need to Know (and I wish I Knew How to Tell You) by NanixErka

Alternate Title "Tony Stark Has the Emotional Intelligence of a Fish"  Tony Stark - through a daft conversation - leads Peter to think he doesn't care about him Luckily he knows exactly how to fix it (He doesn't)

you held your pride like you should have held me by searchingforstars

“I had to take the risk!” Peter snaps. “I saved your life.” Tony’s stare hardens. “Yeah, and nearly ended your goddamn own. This isn’t a trade-off. It wasn’t your call to make.” “You would have done the same thing to protect me,” Peter points out. Tony just seethes at the statement.  “I don’t care about what you think I would have done. You are notme. And I don’t know who you think I am, but I’m perfectly capable of looking after myself." -- or, as the timer ticked down, Peter knew his only option was to take things into his own hands. He just didn’t expect Tony to be mad at him for saving his life.

Irreplaceable by for_the_night

It starts with a cancelled lab session. Then two. Then three. When Peter finally plucks up the courage to ask what he’s done wrong, he finds another kid in the lab with Tony. The teen feels a pang of hurt seeing the pair laughing and joking together, but the fatal blow is seeing Tony ruffle the boy's hair. Tony doesn’t hate Peter. He’s replaced him.

it hurts to be half-loved by canon irondad (tomlinsoul)

“Oh for God’s sake. I’m not Peter’s fucking father. I’m not, I never have been, and I never fucking want to be, okay? I like the kid, sure, we all do, but at the end of the day, he’s just a smart little superhero I happen to mentor, alright? Now can that be the last I hear of that, please?” or; Peter overhears another denial Tony is Peter's dad right after he realises he sees him as one. It's about as messy as you might expect.

I Do Listen To You by Icylightning

Tony was not having a good week. Too bad he takes his anger out on Peter.

The Tumblr Archives by losingmymindtonight

Chapter 21: Shout, Shout, Let It All Out

Written for the anon who left the prompt: "peter doing something self sacrificing and stupidly heroic during a fight and tony is like. fucking screaming at him once they’re safe cause he doesn’t wanna loose his kid but he stops when he sees peters eyes wide in fear, hands shaking, knees about to give out and tony realizes just how fucking scary it must’ve been to have to step up and do whatever the stupidly heroic act was, especially for a teenager..." WARNINGS: mention of past child abuse, lots of explicit language, yelling

please believe me (i’m begging you) by idyllic_dae

Things were going so damn well. But then Michael showed up, and now everything around Peter is turning to ruin, and he doesn’t know how to stop it, and— Maybe he’s the crazy one after all.

Forgive me by wolfypuppypiles

Tony thought that a botched mission and a fight between him and Peter would have been the worst thing to happen that week. He was wrong.

I Didn't Actually Mean That: A Tony Stark Story by what_the_fluff

Tony reverts back to bad habits for one night, resulting in a terrible rift between he and Peter (aka drunk asshole!Tony makes an appearance). It's entirely his fault, and he knows it's up to him to make things right - and save whatever shred of the last good relationship in his life still exists. He hopes Peter can forgive him...

Stress Is A Man's Best Enemy by Yousaydoctorisaywho

Tony Stark never really gets angry. Sure, he gets stressed nearly all the time, but who doesn't? Unfortunately, after both him and Peter have very stressful days, Tony releases it on Peter who ends up running away. There were quite a lot of misunderstandings and now Tony has to go out there and save the kid.

[janners]

Light

Sully family x daughter!reader

warnings : death, heavy angst..?, violence (if i miss anything tell me)

word count : 7.9k

a/n : This is my very first story that i’ve ever posted so it may be absolute shit but I hope you guys enjoy it. Please tell me if i’ve made any mistakes. Also there may be some plot holes that I haven’t noticed. If there is just ignore it lol

_______________________________________________________________________

Pure blinding light, that’s all you can see. An aching feeling within you surfaces as you slowly realise where you are. With Eywa…

19 years ago

“Y/N” Jake announces, his first born, his first daughter. A joyous day for both him and Neytiri, a gift sought from Eywa. The first light in their life, but what they didn’t know was how fast that light would fade within their lives.

_______________________________________________________________________

You were a bright child, fast learner as well. Being able to catch fish with your bare hands, showing it off to your father with the brightest smile. How that smile could brighten up anyone's day. You were adored by everyone in the clan with how enthusiastic you were and how positive you are in any given situation.

Only four years later came along your younger brother, Neteyam. Any chance that was given, you would hold him and just talk about how much you adore and cherish him. Neytiri being right there to witness these interactions gave her thoughts on how they could ever be deserving of such a blessed child.

As years pass by, Lo’ak and Kiri now being part of the family has Jake and Neytiri busy as ever. Though, where does that leave you? You are being left out, and held with more responsibility than ever before. Being the oldest sully child now became stressful and overwhelming. Once a carefree child, now trapped with responsibilities. Jake had given you the responsibility to watch over your siblings at all times and protect them at all costs. Only being 6 at the time, you didn’t fully understand why.

_______________________________________________________________________

Both Jake and Neytiri haven’t been the same parents you knew since the birth of Tuktirey. You don’t blame Tuk in any way with how your parents are now acting. You could only blame them for being hard on you no matter what you do. Throughout the years you had trained hard with no breaks. Becoming one of the most lethal warriors within the clan. Even with your parents knowing that, they still pay no attention to you. Even when you went through with your iknimaya, you didn’t get as much praise compared to when your other siblings had completed theirs. You still had strong bonds with your siblings especially with Lo’ak.

You and Lo’ak were always together, attached to the hip. You being the calm and collected child while Lo’ak was the “devil” child. You guys especially bonded over your difficulties in the family, you being the only one to really understand him. Though being older, you don’t rant to him but instead just listen and comfort him because that’s what a good older sister does.

Present

Jake is discussing plans about the raids now that the sky people have returned. You listen intently knowing that Jake expects the most from you. While listening Lo’ak nudges you with his elbow and whispers “psst y/n” you take a quick glance but focus back on the meeting but again he nudges harder, “sister pssst” you finally look at him “what do you want Lo’ak, father will skin us if he finds that we are not paying attention”

He just stares at you for a second before saying “nothing I just wanted to annoy you” with a smug smile on his face. You just roll your eyes with a faint smile.

“Lo’ak, Y/n, Neteyam, you three will be scouters alright? I better not see you guys on the ground at all, understand?” Jakes states with a stern face. You all nod, knowing if you retaliate it would only start an argument. The three of you are now flying and scouting in the air as the rest of the warriors raid the train. You hear Neteyam shout for Lo’ak which made you snap looking in their direction, just to see Lo’ak descending down towards the train. “I swear to eywa that I will not kill Lo’ak” you mumble under your breath. Spotting an aircraft you fly faster towards Lo’ak and Neteyam hoping to get them back to the sky before their father spots them. “Lo’ak, Neteyam, hurry your skxawng asses back into the air NOW”

Right as you finish speaking you see a missile coming towards you all. You quickly alert them trying to run but as it came closer you pushed them out of the way trying to take most of the impact. You landed harshly on the uneven terrain having multiple gashes litterred all over your body. You couldn’t breathe, you were panicking but not for yourself but for your brothers well beings. You struggled to to stand trying to look to where you pushed them, looking over you see them helping each other up with small scratches on them. Relief washes over you knowing that they are okay.

Jake witnessed all of it and came as quickly as possible but not towards you. He went straight to his sons, thinking you were a tough enough warrior to help yourself up. Jake pulling Lo’ak and Neteyam with him but Lo’ak began to go against trying to reach you. “Sir what about y/n? She is hurt, we can't just leave her!” he yelled in desperation. Jake pulled him back “She will be fine, she will meet us back as at camp”

You watched them leave, your chest aching and wondering why he would just leave you there. You struggled to stand while calling for your Ikran. Your Ikran kxamtxon, assisted you in standing up, you threw yourself on her back now heading back to your “home.” Landing you see your father waiting for you. Still struggling to walk over to him, the first thing you hear is “I told you to keep a close eye on them and what do you do, you let them go down” yelling not even caring whether or not anyone could hear him. “I am sorry sir, it won’t happen again” you reply knowing if you’d get yelled at more if you were to say anything else. “It better not or so help me god, go and get fixed up now and get that crap off your face” you nod reluctantly slowly limping to the healing tent.

Entering the tent Mo’at spots you and ushers you quickly to sit. Silence until Lo’ak comes up to you to apologise. “I’m so sorry y/n, did father yell at you?” he asks quietly, “It is okay Lo’ak and no need to worry whether or not he yelled at me, it’s okay” not wanting to worry your brother any further. Turning to Neteyam asking if he was okay as well, he nodded and said sorry as well. You reassure them that it is okay once more. Your relationship with Neteyam isn’t as close compared to Lo’aks but Neteyam always comes to you when he is having a difficult time with father.

Mo’at finishes patching you up telling you to be more careful next time. Now walking away to your family tent, you see your mother waiting for you as well. Neytiri isn’t as harsh compared to Jake but it still breaks your heart knowing that your once loving mother doesn’t acknowledge you as much. Jake and Neytiri come to an agreement that you are to stay in the tent for a week as punishment.

_______________________________________________________________________

Staying in the tent all day was dreadful and boring. Sudden sounds were made outside of the tent, seeing your family in rough states and shaken up. You had wondered what had happened while they were all out. Immediately, you walked towards Tuk seeing as she is the most shaken up from whatever happened out there. “Oh tuktuk are okay?? What happened?” Tuk instead cries in your arms and you look toward Kiri, Lo’ak, and Neteyam to see if any of them would tell you what had happened.

While all of you were outside the tent, Kiri had explained to you about the events. Hearing your parents argue made you even more concerned. All of you had listened in and heard them mention leaving. Those words made you all freeze. Leave? Leave your home? The clan? Thoughts swirling in your head, the forest being the only place you knew. You couldn’t fathom the idea of leaving.

Later that night after everything had been told to us, you couldn’t sleep. Your whole life spent in the forest now just gone within seconds. Having to start a whole new life when your life now isn’t good. The aching feeling in your chest rises, thoughts of having to leave everything behind. Eventually you fall asleep with worried thoughts.

Witnessing your father get cut on the chest from Tarsem, it is now official. Flying away you look back knowing you won’t get the chance to see it again. Flying for it seemed like forever, we reached the reefs. Hearing the alarms blown from the clan, you all landed. Surrounded by the curious eyes of the Metkayina people, tsuraks flying above you. Jake and Neytiri doing the I see you gesture towards two people, that you were guessing was the Tsahik and Oloeyktan. You glance over to your siblings, seeing Lo’ak spot a girl you smirk and give him a knowing look. He rolled his eyes and went back to looking at the girl.

You had spaced out the rest of the interaction between your parents and the leaders of the clan. That is until the Tsahik grabbed Kiri and Lo’ak and yelled demon blood. Those words alone made you want to hiss at her but held back knowing how your parents and everyone else would react. Now being allowed to stay here, we were to be teached by their children, Ao’nung and Tsireya. Tsireya led us to our Mauri and let us settle in, Jake pulled you aside for a private conversation. Far away enough from the family he started talking “y/n I expect you to keep an eye on your siblings, and for you to be on your best behaviour. I can’t have you messing things up. If you get into any trouble while we are here I will personally deal with you. Got it?” Looking up at him slowly you nod “Yes sir, I promise nothing will happen” with that you walk back to mauri. While walking back, you still wonder why your parents had started acting like this. Everyone else gets treated better than you. You can’t but feel envy for you siblings as they get more recognition from your parents. Even Lo’ak, you feel horrible feeling envious towards him, he gets more attention than you and he does a lot of dumb stuff.

You push those thoughts away thinking that you shouldn't be having thoughts like that, but can’t help it.

_______________________________________________________________________

Jumping in the water with your brothers, you look around you looking at all the sea life around you. For once in your life, you feel at peace especially with your thoughts. You swam away from the group exploring the area yourself like Kiri. Eventually you came for air and looked around seeing your brothers above water as well.

You all come together, Ao’nung calling for ilus. While Tsireya took Lo’ak and tuk, Ao’nung had you and Neteyam. Neteyam had gone first, not doing horrible his first try but still got flung off. Looking over to Lo’ak, you see him get flung off as well and you laugh as Lo’ak resurfaces. Now it was your turn, Ao’nung was a rude little shit but a helpful teacher. It felt odd being taught by someone younger than you. Adjusting your stance, you take off at a slow pace, listening to what Ao’nung had said. You did well for your first try by not falling off, and that made you extremely proud of yourself.

Next was breathing, and that had gone by quickly especially with teasing Lo’ak about Tsireya getting his heart rate up. You were now just sitting beside Kiri in the water looking out into the distance just thinking. Thinking about how this is the most freedom you’ve gotten since you were a child.

Flashback

Drawing your arrow back, arms aching, back and core feeling strained. You shoot and miss the target again. “How many times do I have to tell you, arms higher and straighter back. You won’t hit anything if you keep this up” Jake had you practising for hours “but dad my body is hurting, I don’t think I can do anymore” you had started crying with the amount of pain you were in. Instead of your father telling you to stop and continue tomorrow, he yelled at you “Do you want to become a warrior or not, enough with the crying there is no reason to cry. Do it again, we aren’t stopping until you hit the target properly” With that, you continued crying quietly but proceeded to keep shooting arrows but eventually you hit one.

You looked up to your father hoping to see a proud face but instead you saw nothing but a stone cold face telling you to keep going. At that point you collapse from being overworked. Next thing you know, you wake up in the healing tent with no one else here.

Flashback end

You sigh with a shaky breath not wanting to cry. Back to peaceful silence you were suddenly interrupted by Ao’nung and his gang. Things led to another. Ao’nung called Kiri a freak and you stepped in, “Do not call me sister a freak, I advise you leave us alone” Ao’nung looked at you giving you a smirk “Who are you to speak outcast, you’re just a loser in your own family” he laughed while you were close to punching him in the face. Lo’ak stepped in on time and then Neteyam came as well.

Lo’ak punches Ao’nung in the face and a while fight breaks out, Neteyam steps in too leaving you no choice to join as well. Being stronger than the rest, you took on most of them making sure Lo’ak and Neteyam aren’t harmed too much. The rest of them had started to gang up on you and purely just you. They kept pushing your brothers away so that they could beat you up.

It had gotten to the point where you were struggling to even throw a single punch at any of them. Eventually Jake and Tonowari came and broke up the fight. You were being dragged away, Jake having a strong grip on your arm making sure that there were bruises that were going to form. “Are you out of your mind y/n? What did I tell you NOT to do huh?”

You were at your snapping point

“What did you want me to do!” finally talking back.

“My sister and brothers were in trouble and as their older sister I went and protected them. YOU told me to protect them with my life and now I am being yelled at for something that isn’t my fault?” you felt your chest aching again, tears flooding your eyes.

“All my life I have done nothing but protect them and watch over them, but what about me HUH WHO IS PROTECTING ME, WHO IS LOOKING OVER ME” tears now freely flowing down your face.

Jake was shocked to say the least but instead of trying to comfort you or try to talk it out with you, he just yelled again.

“GET OUT, I do not want to see your face right now”

Neytiri had walked into the middle of the argument, just standing there shocked. When Jake had yelled for you to get out, you looked at your mom to see if she would say anything. Nothing came out, you couldn’t believe what you were witnessing and stormed out of the mauri.

You call for your Ikran, wanting to fly far away from your parents for the night. You spot a small island, you land and just lay down on the sand looking up at the sky. You break out crying again. Sobbing uncontrollably, and yelling and screaming, throwing sand. You were so frustrated that you couldn't help but cry.

Lo’ak was there to witness it all and his heart hurt for you. All his life you protected him and not once did he really notice how you felt. He felt like the worst brother in the world knowing that this is how you felt. He stormed into the Mauri ready to yell at his dad and mom

“Sir what i’m about to say i will not apologise for. My sister has done everything for me, she took care of me, protected me, comforted me. All you do for her in return is neglect and yell at her and for what?” he starts to choke up, tears slowly forming.

“Everything she has done was for us and not ONCE have you given her a break. She protected us from getting hurt today and during the raids. She got hurt the most and yet you care so little for her. I know for a fact that you guys loved her at one point because she talked so highly about you guys and apologising for your actions when we have our talks”

Jake and Neytiri just stare at Lo’ak trying to form sentences but nothing comes out. Lo’ak scoffs in disbelief

“If you open your eyes for once in your life, maybe you can be proud of her for once instead of disappointed. At this point I can’t even tell if you guys love her anymore and that is what disappoints me the most. The least you guys could do is let her talk and not yell at her for once”

Lo’ak was now crying because all he wants is you to be happy. He has admired you ever since he was young and seeing you finally reach your snapping point broke him. Walking out of the Mauri, he sees Kiri, Neteyam, and Tuk all with tears in their eyes after hearing everything. They all collectively decided to find you now worrying where you ran off to.

Now almost eclipse, your siblings could not find you anywhere. They were extremely worried, worried that you may have gotten hurt more or lost. With Jake and Neytiri, they now worry too. With everything that had happened, they looked at each other now knowing what they had done wrong. Guilt is what they felt, most of their lives they had thought of you as a burden after having Tuk. They never knew why it felt that way, maybe it was from the stress of having 5 kids. Though that isn’t an excuse for their behaviour and they know it.

They had not realised that what once was the light of their lives was now fading. Faded to the point where they might resent them forever. This thought had broken them, wanting to repair the damage that they had and become a happy family again.

_______________________________________________________________________

Lo’ak decided to fly out and see if you were any small islands while the rest continue to search around Awa’atlu. After a couple minutes, he sees a small figure and a dark blue Ikran on an island. He quickly descends towards you.

“Y/N!”

You raise your head to see where the sound had come from. You see Lo’ak running towards you, now jumping in your arms.

“Lo’ak what are you doing here” your voice hoarse from all the crying and screaming.

“You had me worried sick when I couldn’t find you. I heard everything that happened”

You pull Lo’ak away from your embrace.

“Lo’ak you should head back, da- Jake and Neytiri are probably looking for you”

He froze, hearing you call their parents by their names like they were strangers. Never in his life would he hear you say their names. It is like you now separated yourself from the family. How that made him even more upset towards his parents.

“No, I am staying here with you because I am your brother and I worry for you. It is my turn to sit and listen while you talk about your problems”

You huffed knowing that Lo’ak wouldn’t go, but you appreciate him for that. You both sat down properly, you looked out to the sea while Lo’ak is still looking at you waiting for you to talk.

“Before any of you were born, Jake and Neytiri were always smiling and happy with me. We played, talked, and loved each other…  They had told me that I was the light in their dark times. Told me how I somehow lifted up the mood anywhere I went and that made them so proud of me.”

Tears are now forming again but you held back not wanting to cry in front of your brother. Not wanting to look vulnerable. Lo’ak continues to listen, surprised how happy their parents used to be with you.

“Neteyam was born, nothing much changed apart from their attention being more on him now that he was the first born son. Everything was still normal, everyone was still happy. Once the rest of you were born, everything suddenly changed. I wasn’t a priority anymore to them. I was just a burden who happened to be related to them. Once I started training, never did I have one break. They worked me to the bone till I was exhausted and at some point I just collapsed.”

Both of you were now crying. Lo’ak had felt so much guilt not knowing this was happening, how cruel their parents were. Never in his life did he want to witness you cry because in his eyes you were always so strong even after being yelled at for his and Neteyams mistakes.

“These days it is like I am now the darkness that fills the room when I am near them. The light does not exist to them anymore, not in their eyes. I am just another being they have to keep alive. I have even thought about just running away but that never happened because I had you guys by my side. Without you guys, I don’t know what I might’ve done”

You took a long pause. Lo’ak took this as his turn to speak. You worried about what he may say.

“All my life I thought that I was a disappointment in mom and dads eyes…  Now hearing how you feel and knowing how they felt about you makes me so angry how I didn’t realise you were feeling this way.  I always thought you never took things to heart because they loved you and were just worried. I admired the fact that you were always so calm when it came to being yelled at by dad. I admired how strong of a warrior you became. I admired that you understood how upset I was after my arguments with dad. I am so sorry that I never realised you were hurting this bad”

Lo’ak now sobbing, you pulled him into a hug and he hugged you back tightly. Slowly stroking his head, you guys had stayed in that position for a good while before pulling away.

“Lo’ak, never ever be sorry for something you can’t see. It was my burden to deal with. I am the older sister, it was my responsibility. Protecting all of you is something I will always do without hesitation whether or not it gets me killed.” You now sat in silence looking out to the horizon. Turning to Lo’ak you speak again.

“It is best you head off before you start to worry everyone else”

“I am not leaving you here alone”

“Lo’ak, head back, I will be okay. Make sure to tell the rest of them that I am fine but I just need some time to myself for a little bit okay?”

Lo’ak nods, not wanting to leave but decides that it’s best to not worry his other siblings more than they already are. With that you watch Lo’ak fly away while you stay seated on the sand. Once his figure disappears you lay back down and think back on the days you were happy and free. Slowly drifting into sleep, thinking if you’d ever be that happy again.

_____________________________________________________________________

Waking up, you groan while stretching. Eyes puffy from the other day and mouth dry in need for some water. You prepare kxamtxon to head back “home” that was the one thing you were dreading. You were nervous especially after snapping at Jake the other day. You continue flying for a couple more minutes, mentally preparing yourself for the worst. You reach shore, you pat Kxamtxon off and head towards your family's Mauri. You start picking at your skin on your fingers, a habit you developed at a young age when you were nervous. 

You slowly enter hoping that it would just be your siblings present in the Mauri. Once in you only see Neytiri. She was waiting for you to return so that she could have a chance to speak with you after yesterday's events. “y/n…” She sits up quickly walking towards you with worried eyes. You wondered why she was acting like this, but in a way it felt comforting. But still being upset from the other day you brushed those feelings off. 

“I have been so worried, where did you go? Why didn’t you come back with Lo’ak?”

She tried grabbing your shoulders as a sign that she cared but you brushed her off. Seeing that you didn’t want her touching you she backed off though feeling a little hurt. 

“I just needed time to myself. You didn’t have to worry, this is the first time i’ve seen you this worried in a while” You chuckled dryly. 

That response broke Neytiri even more knowing that yesterday may have ruined her relationship with you forever. Looking back on the days you were younger, you were so happy. Looking at you now, you look as if she had abandoned you.

 “If that is everything, I will be heading back out. I do not know if I will be back tonight but I will be here tomorrow.” With that you left the Mauri leaving Neytiri alone with her thoughts. 

You went to go seek for your siblings but only finding Neteyam, Kiri, and Tuk. You greet them with a small smile while they all come running to you, pulling you into a big hug. You had asked them how they were doing and apologised for worrying them. They didn’t care and kept hugging you for a little while more.

“Where is Lo’ak? I thought he would be with you guys.”

“He went to apologise to Ao’nung for punching him the face” Neteyam chuckled

Although odd my Lo’ak would have to apologise for that, you laughed it off as well. Enjoying the day hanging out with your siblings and even Tsireya. Tsireya tried to naturally add Lo’ak in your conversations and that made you smile knowing Lo’ak had someone that could take care of him in the future. While you carry on with your conversation you start to worry a bit due to Lo’ak taking so long for one apology.

All of a sudden you hear abrupt laughter from behind you. You see Ao’nung and his ugly gang laughing at something while they were talking amongst themselves. One thing you noticed is that your brother is not anywhere near them. You stood up quick striding towards Ao’nung.

“Ao’nung where is my brother?”

He looks a bit scared for a second before giving you a smug smile.

“Oh, him? We just took him out hunting but he wanted to stay out a bit longer… alone”

His so called friends behind him started to snicker. That makes you even more concerned and angry. So you grab him by the ear and repeated again with a much more menacing tone.

“Where. Is. My. Brother.”

Now scared, Ao’nung told you quickly not wanting to get hit by you again. Him saying that they left him alone past the reef had you sprinting to where the ilu were. As you reach near the Ilu, you hear the blows go off. You ditch your idea and head right towards where the alarms were coming from. Heart racing not knowing whether your brother was hurt or even if it was your brother.

Finally reaching your destination, you see Lo’ak.  You sprint to him, engulfing him in the biggest hug ever. You pull apart checking to see if he had any injuries on him, nothing but small scratches. You finally let a breath of relief come out of you knowing he wasn’t hurt or dead. Just behind him you see Jake, you’ve been avoiding him at all costs but now you see him once again. Ready for more scolding of where you were.

Instead he brings both of you into an embrace, tight as if he was scared you’d disappear. Your heart swells a bit but again you pushed those feelings aside, still not being able to forgive for what he has done. Breaking the hug Lo’ak spot Ao’nung and ready to lunge at him before you stop him. Tonowari apologises and makes his son kneel to apologise as well. Your brother suddenly takes the blame and you look at him with concern in your eyes.

Walking away you catch up to Lo’ak and hooked arms together while you pat his head for comfort. Seeing Ao’nung pop up beside you guys, you were ready to talk to him but Lo’ak stopped you saying it was okay. You just gave Ao’nung a death stare knowing if he did something again he would be dead to you.

______________________________________________________________________

Everyone had now gone to sleep, you went to take a late night fly with your Ikran. You had named her kxamtxon since she looked like the midnight sky. Dark blue with lighter blue signatures accompanied with white. Gliding in the sky you felt at peace once more knowing there would be nothing bothering you at this moment. That was until Jake was flying towards you.

He signalled you to land on the small island you were heading towards. As much as you didn’t want to speak to him you nod at him. Both landing, you had sat on the sand and pat next to you. He sat down and began to speak.

“You know when you were younger, you had always mentioned that you would get an Ikran that looked like the night sky. Especially with how much you loved stargazing.”

You look at him wondering why he would bring that up now. Curious, you continue letting him talk.

“You were always such a bright kid, everyone loved you, I loved you, your mother loved you. We still do… I’m sorry we haven’t been showing it you these past years, I've kept making excuses saying I was busy with your younger siblings. What a lame dad I've become huh. Having you snap at me gave me a reality check and seeing you so upset and crying made me regret so much.”

You see him choking up, you had tears in your eyes too because you’ve longed for your father to talk to you like this. Being vulnerable to each other, sharing each other's feelings, that’s all you wanted. Seeing him like this felt like your dad was back, the dad you had when you were a baby.  You begun to speak up in a wobbly voice.

“You hurt me so much you started being harsh on me and ignoring me. You have been such a terrible father to me, even to your own sons. I need to realise that everything you do affects us all. You need to stop yelling at Lo’ak all he wants is your attention, for you to SEE him. Instead you’ve been so focused with this war that you’ve forgotten how to understand how we feel. The last time I've heard you say that you see me was when I was only an infant.”

Taking in all this and processing it had Jake in shambles. Not once did he realise how much of a shit father he has been to his own children, especially to you, his light. He knows he can’t blame the war or the sky people because he was the root of the problem since the beginning. He wants to embrace you and say he is sorry over and over again but even he knows that he can’t repair the damage he’s caused.

“I want to forgive you I really do, but with everything you’ve done to me… I don’t think it will be easy for me to trust you again. I am sorry.”

“No, don't be sorry, it’s all my fault and I know that now. I will work hard to earn your trust back even if it takes months or even years. I want to be your dad again.”

He grabs your hand giving it a small squeeze and you squeeze back to give a small reassurance that you’re okay with that. Sitting in silence gazing at the stars, you feel like a child again. Being able to lay down beside your dad pointing out your favourite stars, your heart finally settles to calming beats. This is what you longed for and you finally got it after years.

Heading back together you had a content smile on your face. Returning you see Neytiri waiting once again with worried eyes. You walk towards her with arms open and you finally embrace into a warm hug. She was shocked but hugged you back immediately seeing her daughter is finally back. Going into the Mauri, finally able to sleep peacefully without having to worry about anything. What you didn’t know was the events that were going to happen in the future.

_______________________________________________________________________

Waking up it was loud with na’vi jumping in the water with excitement. You came out and saw Tsireya running towards you guys stating that the Tulkun had returned. Turning towards the ocean, a beautiful scene of tulkun jumping and na’vi going towards them with joy. You all join them witnessing everyone finding their sisters and brothers. Rotxo introduced his brother to you, Kiri, and Tuk and rode on his fin, gliding through the water. Neteyam and Ao’nung chasing each other on their Ilu. Tsireya talking about Lo’ak to her sister. Everything was perfect.

Jake and Neytiri had put more effort into talking to you and laughing like old times. Neytiri even gave you new jewellery, with beautiful shells and beads mixed together. Again everything was perfect. Perfect until we saw Ronals sister's floating along with her calf. Everyone with looks of despair now enraged. Yelling and shouting from the clan ready to fight the sky people for what they had done. Jake yelling to not attack, but to tell the tulkun to go somewhere far away. Showing that if they are hit with the tracker they are marked for dead. Hearing that you turn to Lo’ak, watching him run to get an Ilu to warn payakan. You ran after him along with the rest of the kids.

Jumping in the water getting an Ilu chasing after Lo’ak, your heart now racing once again. Reaching payakan, he was in fact marked for death.

“Shit” you mumbled under your breath

All of you are struggling to pull the tracker off as the ship gets closer and closer towards you all. With a final tug it came loose, you took it in your hands and told everyone to go while you led them away from them.

Skypeople now chasing all of us under the water. Your heart is now beating at an extreme pace. Worried that your siblings could get hurt. From a distance you see Tsireya, Tuk, and Lo’ak being scooped up in a net from an avatar and their Ikran. Then Kiri was grabbed by another Ikran. You yelled trying to get to them as fast as you could but you were too late as they were now on the boat. You turned trying to find your father to tell him that they had been captured.

Now in a situation where your brother and sisters were stuck in a hostile position. You and Neteyam were waiting on the sidelines to see if we could anything to help but instead seeing your father move forward. At that moment you knew he was sacrificing himself and you couldn't do anything. Thinking that you’ve failed as both a daughter and sister, a sudden burst through the water showed payakan landing on the boat.

Everyone charging forwards ready to fight for their lives. You and Neteyam went forward to the ship to help your siblings. Payakan gets rid of most of the people on board, you and Neteyam jumped up. You surprise your siblings, cutting their restraints, giving each of them a hug. You hurry them off, telling them to get to safety. Then Lo’ak suddenly stops.

“We need to get spider!”

You had almost forgotten about him. Though deep in your gut you had a bad feeling. You knew something was going to go wrong but Lo’ak kept insisting. Finally agreeing, the three of you snuck on trying to find Spider. Once you spot him, you all jump down to kill off the surrounding men.

“Hurry let’s go”

You said desperation, the feeling in your stomach still not fading. Quickly trying to find the way out, you were now being shot at. All ducking for cover, you grab the gun that Lo’ak had grabbed.

“Lo’ak, Spider, be ready to run first and jump into the water on my signal okay?”

They nod. You gave them the signal, they started running as you begun to shoot at the soldiers. Seeing they made it safely, it was now Neteyams' turn then you. You gave him the signal thinking it was safe. You glance over seeing the gun being pointed at him. It was like everything was in slow motion. You dropped your gun running towards Neteyam and finally jumping in front of him.

You felt something odd hit your chest. You both land in the water, swimming up to the surface you see that Neteyam was alright cheering with Spider and Lo’ak. Then it struck you, you were struggling to stay on the surface and feeling the searing pain coming from your chest.

“N-Neteyam L-Lo’ak”

They both snapped their heads toward you, seeing you struggle they had swam over to quickly. Both in shock calling for their Ilu.

“No no y/n, stay awake okay? You’re going to be okay. NETEYAM help me put her on the Ilu!”

Grabbing you they lift you on the Ilu, now riding quickly towards their parents keeping pressure on your gushing wound. Lo’ak crying, trying not to believe that this was happening right now. Neteyam heavily focused on trying to keep the blood inside with tears running down the sides of his face. Finally reaching their parents, they carefully try to get you on top of the rock.

“Careful hold her head”

Jake couldn’t believe what he was witnessing with his own eyes. His sons carrying their daughter, covered in her blood. Neytiri now flying down with her Ikran, could not believe what she was witnessing either.

“NO Y/N, no my precious daughter”

They had just gotten her back but now she was fading again, Their light was now fading again. Their light was now fading again after being relit. Struggling to breathe you get some words out

“Dad take care of everyone, promise me”

Now wheezing to breathe. Jake grabs your hands and rests his other hand on your cheeks.

“No no you gotta stay awake babygirl, we still have so many nights to go stargazing together an-and we’re gonna go hunting together okay? Sounds good right?”

Jake now struggling to get words out as his first born daughter now struggles to breath.

“No dad, promise me you’ll take care of everyone, don’t blame anyone or yourself okay? P-promise me that.”

“I promise I swear, and i'll take care of you to okay?”

“I want to go home da-”

The light in your eyes had faded. Silence now fills your ears, finally peace overcomes your body as it stills in Jakes arms.

“Y/n? Y/N? NO oh great mother no please PLEASE”

Neytiri continues yelling and praying to bring you back. Lo’ak crying hysterically seeing his sister fade in his dads arms. Neteyam goes numb looking at the scene unfolding before him. Tsireya massages your legs to get circulation going, praying that you were just unconscious. The light in their lives is now gone forever.

Jake turns to see that his daughters are now also missing. Asking Lo’ak where they are, saying they are still on the ship near the moonpools. Lo’ak wanted to help but was told to stay put with his sister. Neteyam and Tsireya caressing your now cold body. Neteyam now sobs knowing that his older sister is now gone forever. The sister he was able to confined to when he was overwhelmed with the pressure of being the next oloeyktan. He sister who would take the blame for both his and Loaks mistakes. The sister that could make him smile in any given situation. His light… gone.

_______________________________________________________________________

Pure blinding light, that’s all you can see. An aching feeling within you surfaces as you slowly realise where you are. With Eywa, the mother of pandora. You realised that you were dead. Adjusting to the light, you were in the forest. Specifically inside your old home. You walk around, grazing your fingers over the objects you used to have when you were younger. Now walking outside, you head towards the top of the tree. You walk towards a certain spot where you would stargaze. Laying down, you close your eyes and let go.

_______________________________________________________________________

Quaritch now having Tuk and Kiri, he had mentioned that Jake didn’t want to lose another daughter. Both Kiri and Tuk stared blankly at him, knowing the only daughter left was you.

As fights went down, Neytiri and Jake both ran off of adrenaline and rage. Killing off all the soldiers. Finally reaching their daughter Tuk but Kiri in the hand of quaritch with a knife to her throat.

The ship slowly sinking, Neytiri and Tuk trapped, Jake slowly drowning. Jake's last thought before going unconscious was how much he had let you down. Blaming himself for the little time he gave himself to make amends with you. Thoughts now disappeared as he resurfaced with Lo’ak beside him.

Everyone is now making it out together, hugging each other, crying together. They went back to the rock to retrieve your body. Tuk and Kiri now seeing your still body, they cried their hearts out. Tuk holding onto your arm and Kiri holding your head in her lap.

The funeral was now happening. They gently placed your body into the large leaf, slowly going out towards the anemone, the light. Carefully removing you from the floating leaf, they slowly ascend down into the water. Gently placing you in the bed of anemone, slowly watching as you sink the light consuming your body. Energy now returned to Eywa.

On land, Ao’nung, Tsireya, Rotxo, all silently mourning as they saw you as an older sister as well. You helping Tsireya with small chores and gossiping about different things especially Lo’ak. Teasing Ao’nung like a younger brother when he does something embarrassing. Helping Rotxo with his grandma and lending tips into becoming a better warrior. They too lost a little bit of light that day.

The family is now approaching the spirit tree. They all attach their queues to be able to see you. First Lo’ak, he saw the memory of you comforting him after having a tough day with their father. She was able to cheer him up with simple words. He saw how they now playfully fought each other. How he missed hearing your joyous laughs and your comforting words.

Neteyam saw the memory of them when they were much younger. He was struggling to shoot a bow properly. Frustrated that he couldn’t get it right, you came over and helped him. No harsh words being said, just smooth guidance which put him at ease. Seeing how patient you were with him and how kind your words were, he really saw how much light you really emitted.

Tuk had the memory of them flying on her Ikran. One of her favourite memories of them together. You had taken Tuk on a joyride with your Ikran. Tuk screams with excitement and you laugh with her. Flying in circles and doing quick loops. That day was amazing for Tuk. It was such a freeing feeling.

Kiri, the memory that came to mind was having a quiet talk about how she feels her, how she feel eywa. You were the only one she could talk to because she knew you would not judge her. She talked about how she felt her breath and how she courses throughout the plants. You listened in amazement, seeing how close of a connection she had for Eywa. Kiri saw how you didn’t judge her once at all and just watched you watch her in amazement.

Neytiri had the memory of when you were merely a baby. The first sight of the light of her life. She remembers how you held her finger, how you giggled at the smallest things she did. Your constant smile was the light keeping the darkness away from her. Looking at the memory, she had a soft smile on her face. 

Jake, he had spotted you in your spot. He saw you laying there, eyes closed. He slowly walks towards the spot. You hear noise, and open your eyes just to see your dad sitting down beside you. You saw tears forming in his eyes and gently grabbed his hand.

“Do you remember when I was younger, we would always come up here to stargaze?”

He turns toward the sky, his hand still in yours.

“Of course, you would always drag me because I was walking to slow”

Laughing at his answer because he was right. You would have to pull him by his arm to hurry up not wanting to miss a single star going away even though they wouldn’t disappear.

“I really missed moments like this… being able to hangout with my dad in peace”

“I missed these moments too, much more than I realised”

You watch as his tears fall down his cheeks. Seeing this made you start tearing up as well. You pull him into a hug knowing he won’t have this anymore in real life. You whisper quietly while your head is tucked in his chest.

“I forgive you”

Jake's eyes went wide, wondering why you had forgiven him when he didn’t deserve it.

“I don’t want you to blame yourself dad, I know we never had the closest relationship but I want everyone to be happy even if I’m not there.”

He hugs you tighter not wanting to let go. Sobbing and wondering how he ever deserved you ever.

“Nga yawne lu oer,  Oel Ngati Kameie”

“Oel Ngati kameie, Nga Yawne lu oer sempu”

With that he opens his eyes, looking at the rest of his family with smiles on their faces looking at their memories with you in them. Now knowing that the light will always be lit because it you will always be present in their hearts.

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

sorry before I go to bed I’m thinking bout the different ways Evangelion portrays csa.

asuka's (metaphorical) rape is done by a stranger. someone she doesn’t know. a literal monster. as someone who’s always prided herself on being able to fight, being able to always win, this shatters asuka, who feels such a thing makes her weak. she responds to her trauma by regressing, playing video games at her friends house and speaking to her like a young child, before shutting down entirely to the point of attempted suicide. she’s later sexually abused by shinji, taking his own trauma out on her, and while we don’t see as much of how that effects her, we see the tragedy of the cycles of abuse play out.

shinji's sexual abuse is done by a friend. he doesn’t realise it’s wrong, and misato thinks she’s helping, because he’s a boy and boys like that right? but misato not realising the harm of her actions do not make her any less harmful. there’s a lot of complicated feelings and emotions there, and it very much deals heavily with the complexities of abuse- not all abusers realise what they’re doing. not all abusers even have sexual intent (misato absolutely doesn’t see shinji in a romantic light at all, she's not attracted to him). not all victims hate their abusers, and not all victims fully realise how inappropriate their abusers actions are. yet, the abuse still has impacts- as seen with shinji's complete lack of sexual boundaries, to the point of assaulting asuka for a desperate sense of control. he recognises that it’s awful- it’s something familiar to him to a degree- but as a severely traumatised child, he lashes out and inflicts his own pain on others. which is not acceptable, obviously, but it’s tragic, and shows how abuse makes people worse.

and as for rei, she's abused by her own father. the signs are there, but they don't entirely click at first, and neither do they click to the adults who should be looking out for her. the sexual abuse she faces is overlooked even when it’s right under everyone’s noses. and when someone does put the dots together, they blame her for it. rei's abuse, like a lot of familial abuse, is either ignored or something she’s considered at fault for, despite being sheltered and groomed all her life, and, y’know, fourteen. rei's arc also focuses heavily on her conflicted feelings about her abuser, but in a different way to shinji. she, at first, idolises gendo. she's been groomed her whole life, and is incredibly isolated. what happens is normal to her, she doesn’t see it as wrong because she’s never been told it’s wrong. the idea of not having faith in gendo is alien to her. but as time goes on, she realises what happens isn’t special, it isn’t okay. by the time she dies and another version of her takes her place (the rei's share a soul, so they’re the same person even if rei iii can’t remember everything) she’s quietly furious at the idea of being a doll, and realises she can be more. when her abuser touches her, she literally tears off his hand. and she attains agency! that’s the final part of her storyline. she has agency, for the first time in her life. and she might have chose to listen to shinji on what to do, but she chose for the first time, it’s a massive step and honestly it really struck me as a beautiful ending to her character arc.

idk man. i just like how this mecha anime interrogates a sensitive subject from multiple angles and has genuinely suprisingly good depictions of even abuse that’s not recognised as abuse by most still. it’s nice! it’s refreshing. honestly, they committed to exploring abuse and never trying to apologise for it, and it’s fucking great. i'm personally not a csa victim, but i did go through sexual trauma at around the same ages of these characters, and i found myself relating a lot to their arcs around this due to that even if our experiences are pretty different. i felt aspects of how i dealt with things, especially in rei and shinji but to a degree asuka as well, and it made me feel more confident in myself. if shinji ikari can choose to live, so can I :)

[nightcolorz]

loveee the armand music discussions i feel the need to talk about some of my most armand songs of all time (no mitski this time as we’ve already discussed that ^^)

- notre dame by Paris Paloma (literally any paris paloma song tbh esp the fruits and labour but notre dame isn’t appreciated nearly enough) Very very religious guilt armand, angel symbolism heavy, also very cult era armand in paris. I would put lyrics here but oh its the whole song. its the entire song.

- Abstract (Psychopomp) by Hozier. again impossible to put specific lyrics but the song being about painful memories, getting past traumas with new loves, and heavy symbolism of a hurt animal in the road and the singer feeling kinship with it is just so SO armand imo its impossible to explain. i always think of a deer being the “poor thing in the road” in the song though it is left to interpretation, and armand’s doe eyes very much come to mind with that.

- Spellbound by Siouxsie and the Banshees (Following the footsteps of a rag doll dance, we are entranced, spellbound) Both these lyrics and the intense sound of the song bring to mind Armand’s heavy use of and skill with the spell gift, especially in TVL (for books) and s2ep5 (the show) You do feel entranced by his spells even if you don’t realise it and this song captures it perfectly (also i think S&TB are very armand overall so honourable mentions to Cities in Dust, Arabian Knights and Melt which are all sooo armand as well i just didn’t want to make this so Siouxsie-centric)

- Devils Don’t Fly by Natalia Kills (Angels were never meant to fall, and you were the loveliest of all) This song reminds me so much of 2018 YouTube but oh the lyrics are so very armand. Always called an angel, even referred to it as shorthand, but so torn religiously that he could never be holy, never be more than a demon with what he is and has been through. But being made so young and so beautiful, its very fallen angel of him.

- speaking of angels, Not Strong Enough by boygenuis (Always an angel, never a God, I don’t know why I am the way I am) I don’t feel like i need to explain this one it just Is

- Teen Idle by Marina (I want back my virginity so I can feel infinity, I want to drink until I ache, I want to make a big mistake, I want blood guts and angel cake) & (Adolescence didn’t make sense, a little loss of innocence, the ugly years of being a fool, ain’t youth meant to be beautiful?) Just something about Armand finding his worth through his beauty and physical desire, not to mention the utter horror of having to be a teenager forever, seen as that same sort of obscene beauty forever. The line about drinking and making mistakes feels very Venice-era as well, with Amadeo’s main coping mechanisms being getting blackout drunk on the daily and sleeping with people he knows he shouldn’t because he doesn’t feel like he’s good for anything else or even able to do anything else (which of course also leads to his death eventually)

- Jolene by Dolly Parton (Your beauty is beyond compare, with flaming locks of auburn hair) Definitely sillier but reminds me a lot about how people in the books (especially lestat) wax poetic about how beautiful Armand is and fear it somewhat in a mix of jealousy and insecurity.

- Dominion / Mother Russia by Sisters of Mercy. this one is much more vibe based that lyrical but there is the detail of armand being described as russian in the books and also the lyrics being very repetitive and prayer like (as well as the ‘some say prayers’ line) very much remind me of his repetitive prayers both when young and in the cult

- Swan Upon Leda by Hozier (One more sweet boy to be butchered by men, But the gateway to the world is still outside the reach of them, Would never belong to angels, Had never belonged to men) This song is overall about sexual violence and reproductive rights, but these lyrics deeply remind me of Amadeo’s abuse as a child and young man, and of men feeling a right to him and his body because they found him beautiful, angelic.

I have about a million more but I won’t go on too much. Hope you like my choices and give them a listen if you’re unfamiliar with any (to anyone reading this <3)

AHHHHHHH THANK U FOR THIS IM OBSESSED!!!! GONNA ADD THE ONES THAT ARENT ALREADY ON MY PLAYLIST RNN!!! (I already have got not strong enough, Jolene, devils don’t fly, teen idle, and Notre Dame, we r the same person). U get Armand like no one else mutual kittenbradensgf. Devils don’t fly made me laugh because it’s also on my Armand playlist because 2018 AMV YouTube songs r always so Armand to me 😭 !!! Ur so right the lyrics r so him. angel of darkness is on mine and I can’t stay it’s entirely ironic, lmao. Ugh this is my favorite I’m gonna run in a room and listen to these forever, ur analysis is so good

[dd-is-my-guiltypleasure]

Born in New York City in 1960, David Duchovny graduated from Princeton with an AB in English Literature before earning a Master of Arts in the same subject from Yale. Following a small role in David Lynch’s Twin Peaks he won the starring role of Fox Mulder in 1993 on the global smash hit UFO series The X-Files opposite Gillian Anderson. From 2007 to 2014 – a period which coincided with treatment for sex addiction – he played troubled womaniser Hank Moody in Californication. He’s also written five novels and released three music albums. He has two children, 24-year-old actress West and 21-year-old son Kyd with his ex-wife Téa Leoni.

Best childhood memory?

I think it’s probably just being in the park playing football or baseball with my dad, in New York City, 21st Street and Second Avenue where I grew up. It conjures up memories of being with my dad and enjoying the sort of simple communication that you can have through a game. I did the same sort of thing with my own son, who was good at playing baseball for a while.

Best day of your life?

There’s no one specific day but in my mind’s eye I can see a beach and my kids. I don’t know if it’s a particular day I’m thinking of; it’s just one of those summer days. It could be on holiday, or it could be in the States; it’s really just that feeling of no structure, summertime and no school for the kids; being in the water and feeling the waves and having to protect them a little and teach them about the water.

Best moment on a TV set?

About two or three years after I started on The X-Files, I did the Larry Sanders Show with my friend Garry Shandling although he wasn’t my friend at the time. He didn’t know me, but I loved his show. The producers told me, “Oh, Gary loves you.” Then I got there and it was clear that he didn’t have any idea who I was, which was fine. We did this scene – half written, half improvised, maybe – and Gary said, “How old are you?” I said, “32” and he said, “What took you so long?” and that felt like a blessing as to me he was the king of a certain kind of comedic performance.

Best Hollywood party?

I didn’t really go to many, especially at the peak of the X-Files years. For five years the show was shot in Vancouver and in many ways, it was a blessing to be out of that world, but I had some interesting, if nerve-racking moments at awards ceremonies. I remember going to the Golden Globes and being sat on the same table as a really good friend of mine, director Bart Freundlich and his wife Julianne Moore. My ex-wife Téa was sitting there, and Téa went to the bathroom, and she came back and said, “Did I miss anything?” I said, “Yeh, they announced my award. I won and you missed the whole thing.” Which was not true at all. I only kept her in the dark for a couple of seconds as it became rapidly apparent that I had no statue.

Best moment of self-realisation?

In many ways we remain children no matter how old we get and in many ways a lot of my reactions were based on childhood stuff; not necessarily something that I am ever going to change, but something to be aware of and keep an eye on. It’s the fine line between realising that a lot of your personality was constructed a long time ago, before you were really smart about these things, or knew about these things. And that that’s the same for everybody – but that’s not an excuse to continue reacting like a child. So, for me, life is this balancing act between honouring that kid and also not letting him drive the bus.

Best personal characteristic?

Perseverance. There have been many occasions when I’ve felt like giving up on everything, but I didn’t. I don’t give up. I guess I gave up trying to be a professional athlete at some point. I loved baseball and basketball and before getting to college I still had secret dreams of going pro.

Best decision?

This is going to sound negative towards education, but to leave graduate school and try to find out what else I wanted to do aside from being an academic. Not to denigrate academics but, for me, that was a hard and good decision although a scary one. I was a dissertation away from my PhD. I had done four years as an undergraduate, nearly four years of graduate work. Eight years towards a certain life; a good third of my life pointing towards a certain goal and then saying, “You know what, I’m gonna go do this thing, where none of that matters.” At the time it felt a little like I was throwing it all away. But in the end I think I’ve honoured those academic years and they also fed me.

Worst childhood memory?

My parents’ divorce. I was 12, which wasn’t a good age – but it’s never a good age. It’s hard to say exactly what the impact was on me, but it was profound. And I think having gone through it, as a parent as well, it’s taught me what I might not have been able to process at the time: it really pulls the rug out of a kid’s life. You can sugar-coat it all you want but it’s a traumatic experience. It’s not the end of anything and it’s not like you can’t recover from it but you do have to acknowledge that the world turned upside down. It’s hard to say how my life would have turned out had it not happened but I think I’m thankful for being hurt. I’m thankful for the wound because that’s what makes you human and makes you an artist. If you can survive it and remain empathetic it makes you aware of other people’s hurt. And without that, I don’t think I’d have anything.

Worst moment of your life?

Telling my kids about getting divorced. I still can’t think about it without feeling terrible. It’s actually a memory that I push out if it comes up. I don’t want to think about it. It happened nearly 10 years ago now, so the wound has healed a little but it’s not my wound; it’s theirs. And that’s why I push it away. I’ll never know it.

Worst moment on a TV or film set?

I wouldn’t want to name the project because I wouldn’t want to hurt the people involved. Probably my feeling of being in the wrong place at the wrong time was more about me than it was about the project or them. But, yeah, and that’s just a terrible, terrible feeling. I’ve certainly had periods of self-doubt and I very nearly got fired on an early job. They gave me dailies to take home to see how bad I was. I wasn’t great but I think I was just young and green. I just needed some more gentle direction.

Worst moment of self-realisation?

I guess I have two self-conceptions. One is that I’m really talented and can do a lot of stuff easily. The other is that I’m not very talented at all and I have to work, work, work hard to do anything. And I believe I’m both of those things. It’s a fight when I’m not working. When I’m working, and I have something to work on; to put my perseverance and hard work into, then I’m healthy and I’m good. When I’m not working, I can be a little on edge. And I know this sounds like a humble brag, but it’s my reality. Obviously, I do a lot of stuff, but I feel lazy. I always feel like I’m not doing enough or working hard enough. Whether it’s in work or life, I always feel like I want to go and rest, to switch off and tune out. I also want to give up half the time, which is why that tendency in myself of perseverance is my greatest trait. 

Worst thing anyone has ever said about you?

It would have to be something that I thought was untrue – and there have certainly been plenty of untrue stories written about me. But then, I’m willing to entertain anything. Whatever you say to me, I’ll entertain it for a minute, and I feel like that’s a strong point for me. It’s a painful thing to be that open but whatever is said I’ll consider the source then come up with my own opinion.

Worst decision?

I think even some of my worst decisions have been beneficial. When I took the X-Files job I’d also accepted a small part on a TV movie, and I had to let the director of that project down because the dates of the two projects conflicted. I told my agents and obviously they said, ‘Take the X-Files’, which meant breaking my word, which I wasn’t comfortable with. But, clearly, ultimately my agents’ decision was absolutely correct. If it had been left to me, I would have made the wrong decision.

[quillkiller]

jen i need to know whats happening with narcissa while lucius is having her affairs. does narcissa know? does she realise that lucius envies her? does she envy lucius? does she envy people who get lucius's attention? is she just so focused on draco she doesn't notice her husband? how does she feel about lucy's struggles with being a father? is she happy that draco will be closer to her, will love her more? is she aware of bellucius? is she aware of lucius's complicated relationship with womanhood, has she noticed that he keeps borrowing her lingerie? does she take all of that as a permission to have her own affairs? is she trying to rekindle her relationship with alice? does she have any other relationships, perhaps with other miserable pureblood wives? does she talk to bella about all of this? does she talk to anyone? is she just all alone in the malfoy manor with a newborn child? is she waiting for lucius to come back home? is she filled with relief every time he leaves for work? is she imagining what would've happen if she left like andromeda? does she visit her parents and her childhood home a lot? what's going on with her?

anon..will you take my hand in marriage.. 💍🤍

lets get into some of mine and karas thoughts on narcissa in the lurthur to bellucius timeline <3 !!!

(she/her pronouns for lucy even if she’s in the closet and narcissa only knows her as her husband)

narcissa does and doesn’t know. she suspects her husband is having affairs since most pureblood husbands do. i don’t even necessarily think she would feel all that betrayed if she did know for certain that she was having an affair. she would be hurt that it was with bellatrix, that either of them would do that to her. she stayed for bellatrix, chose her, and bella ends up having an affair with her ’husband’. she’d be hurt by bella and humiliated by lucy

narcissa and lucy did not marry for love necessarily since me and kara are agreed that it was more or less an arranged marriage. we do think that lucy had some say in the choice whereas narcissa wouldn’t.. but they have a pretty alright marriage at first. lucy picks narcissa because she genuinely likes her. because they’re similar, she’s the woman lucy always wanted to be, and lucy respects her. they get along well, have similar interests, both want to blend in rather than stand out, etc. she respects her and is willing, desperate, to make it work

narcissa isn’t envious of lucy because narcissa never dreamt of being in the same position as a man (which she sees her as) like bellatrix dreams of. however, lucy grows to resent narcissa over the years. especially after arthur’s family grows long before lucy and narcissa ever have draco. arthur is a happy family man with lucy’s polar opposite and lucy is the man of the house with a wife she wishes she could be. at this point, before draco, narcissa is still pretty content in their marriage because she absolutely 100% does not want to have children. they barely even sleep together, me and kara also think maybe they’ve never slept together before they try for a child, and she’s more or less grateful that lucy is having affairs with other women instead (<- with the lack if information she has)

becoming a mother is narcissa’s worst nightmare. she was horrified the day she found out she was pregnant because she ruins everything she touches. her family is cursed. she lost one sister who was disowned and she’s losing the other to voldemort and she’s the only one left to fulfill her duty as a black daughter and wife and it’s killing her. she ruins everything she touches and now she’s pregnant and will give birth to the rot inside of her and she does not think she’s capable of being a good mother. does not think she could committ to it even if she tried

she has draco, and she loves the boy from the first time she holds him. miserable pregnancy, agony and self hatred and regret and then she meets her son and she loves him. maternal instincts that she never thought she had, that weren’t shown to her when she grew up, kick in immediately. she made that kid, he came from her, and he becomes her purpose. she’s been a coward all her life, but she would die for draco. <- she’s still not winning any best mom awards, and she does fail to protect her son for a long time, but she loves her boy and in the end, her first act of bravery, she betrays voldemort and chooses her son.

however, it’s when they have draco that their marriage completely falls apart. lucius hates her for her maternal instincts, hates that she herself can’t be a mother, and hates that she’s not fit to be a father. she had pressed the issue to finally produce an heir because she thought she might finally get over arthur. because she might fall in love with being a ’father’ like arthur had, and she just doesn’t. she cant be a mother, and she can’t be a father. she looks at draco and feels close to nothing. she just doesn’t connect with her son and it breaks her heart and makes her cold

i think narcissa does get frustrated with lucy for being a bad father, but i also don’t think she thinks it’s that out of the ordinary. lucy is a ’man’ and has responsibilites as a provider. narcissa is an old fashioned and close-minded pureblood wife. she knows her duties, traditional as they may be. and yes i do think she finds some sort of satisfaction that draco loves her more. she absolutely spoils him, gives him whatever he wants, is very hands-on. i even think she thinks of draco as her son rather then theirs

she is not aware of lucy’s complicated relationship with wonanhood, but she is aware that she’s.. different? that there’s something but she just can’t put her finger on what it is? i mean, lucy barely fully comprehends her complicated relationship with womanhood. they got married in the 70s and grew up in super traditional homes with decided gender roles. even if narcissa found lucy trying on her lipstick i don’t think she would jump to the conclusion that she’s a trans woman. i also dont think she would suspect her of being a gay man. to her she’s simply her husband, and their marriage wasn’t ever based on love or communication. i think she has a very ’whatever goes on in lucius mind is not my business’ approach to whatever lucy may or may not struggle with

she also does not notice her lingerie going missing, or if she does she just shrugs it off

she also does not rekindle her past relationship with alice (or with lily, depending on who i prefer her with that day). alice is part of narcissas ’i ruin everything i touch’ mindset and she could never look back once she chooses bellatrix once and for all. i also don’t think she takes it as permission to have her own affairs, atleast not during the beginning of their marriage, because it’s just sort of expected that husbands have affairs. should even be allowed them. she’s meant to be a good obediant wife and that’s really what she is for a very long time. i do see her having affairs during the second war however! one of them is a rather uncomfortable non-explicit but deeply intimate relationship with pansy when there’s marriage talk between draco and pansy. that relationship is more about touch starvation and girlhood and mother/daughter for pansy and missing her sisters for narcissa. it gets complicated and messy and twisted real fast

she does not talk to bellatrix about this either, and yeah she really mostly does sit around in malfoy manor with draco. but i also think that’s when she’s the most content. very much like in hotd when rhaenys said ’you desire not to be free, but to make a window in the wall of your prison’ to alicent. it’s all she knows. it’s the only freedom she has ever been aware of. her time is hers, her son is hers and being alone becomes a synonym for freedom. if anything i think she dreads for lucy to come home. she resents her, and lucy resents her right back. lucy could never forgive narcissa for being the wife and mother she so desperately wanted to be, and narcissa could never forgive lucy’s anger towards her for it even if she doesn’t know where it stems from

i think she always wonders what would’ve happened if she had left with andy. atleast up until she has draco and he becomes her purpose. she never would’ve had him if she left and he’s the single best thing that’s ever happened to her. she’s hers. someone who’ll always love her back. she wouldn’t trade him for anything. she’ll be miserable for the rest of her days if it means being with draco. she’s not a perfect mother, maybe she’s not even a very good one for a lot of years, but she loves him and she tries which is more than her mother ever did for her. or druellas mother before her. it takes a little while, but narcissa breaks the family curse and the cycle of abuse in the end. lies voldy straight to his face to save her son

i hope some of your questions got answered !!!