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ts-porter · 4 years ago

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The Shanty and the Hive

The first time the humans told us they sang their way through subspace, we thought it a translation error.

We-the-hive were overjoyed to meet them. Finally, finally, it was proven that we were not alone! And though we already knew that we must not be, given the vastness of time and the multiverse, we also knew that those same vastnesses were against us. Civilizations we could meet are greatly outnumbered by those who came before us and we are too late to meet, those who will come after us and we are too early for, and those so far away that we cannot find them.

A starfaring civilization, like our own, increased the chances of meeting greatly. One of our most distant scientific surveyors sensed a faint and far away disturbance, similar to the waves our own ships make when diving into and out of subspace. An exploratory team was sent to investigate, and there at the furthest reach ever taken from the hive's center, to our everlasting joy, we found human explorers on the far edges of their own range.

Their ships were strange to us, and their selves even stranger. Translation, and the mutual communication of peaceful intentions, was difficult. Mathematics was the first understanding we were able to share, as the basic principles do not change—though their and our systems of harnessing it are different. Science followed after, as the elements and natural laws are unchanging. So it was discovered that we-the-hive and the humans share the common ground of being carbon-based heterotrophs who consume water to maintain life processes.

These commonalities were far outnumbered by our differences. Yet, the most important thing we had in common was the desire to understand each other. With earnest effort, with forgiveness for unintended insult and misunderstanding, we worked to learn each other's languages.

Science being an early part of our understanding of each other, we asked them about the construction of their ships. They told us of their material compositions and their subspace engines, different in design but similar in purpose to our own technology—but when we asked them about the shielding and stabilization they used to make the journey survivable, they told us only that they sang their way through.

Translations were imprecise, and their language often contradictory. Of course we believed that it was yet another translation error. We believed there was a nuance we were missing.

The humans were a very musical civilization. They were always singing, all of them. They sang for joy, and they sang for mourning, and they sang for any reason at all between the two extremes.

(Later, we would discover that this was not universally true. That those who crewed their ships were chosen from the most musical among them. We only met their singers, their travelers, their ship's crews. How could we know differently?)

We believed, with music such a central part of their civilization, that they had given the words for song more meaning. Their subspace stabilization and shielding technology, without which any ship that dove into the confusion of subspace would be utterly destroyed and lost, had taken its name from music. We-the-hive noted the mistranslation, and worked to increase our understanding.

As our trust and understanding increased, as the human linguists became haltingly conversant in our language and we in theirs, the humans introduced to us a group of their hatchlings. It was a mighty show of trust, as they valued their younger generations as deeply as we did our own. Though still flexible, an adult human's mind was too set in its ways to easily become fluent in another language. That of their hatchlings was far more suited to the acquisition of language. With equal time spent between their own language and ours, it was hoped that the young would grow to be adults who could serve as translators and teachers to increase the closeness and understanding of our peoples.

We allowed our hatchlings and theirs to mingle, to play together, to bond. We spoke to the human hatchlings, and the speed at which they learned our language matched the speed they learned the language of their own people. It was to be a long project, but a joyful and an exciting one.

We learned more about the humans, and they learned more about us. Along with scientific sharing, we established a small trade, exchange of goods and curiosities from one civilization to another.

Our understanding grew, but we still did not understand completely. The humans told us that they sang their way through subspace. When we could no longer believe that the translation was so deeply in error, we instead believed that the crews who piloted the human ships did not understand the technology they used. They were such a granular species, not unified. We believed that those who built the ships had not shared knowledge with those who piloted them, and so they had developed superstitions around technology they did not comprehend.

We-the-hive asked to send a pod of researchers through a subspace dive on one of the human ships. We asked for it. The humans agreed, willingly, in exchange for an equal number of their own scientists to take the same trip aboard one of our ships. Our pod and their scientists were chosen. The ships and the destination were chosen.

The pod boarded the human ship with nothing but curiosity and excitement. As the humans were wont to limit the number of dives they took and make the most of every trip, a ship carrying cargo on one of their usual supply runs was chosen. The ship was called the Merry Dancer, of the type the humans called a 'small freighter'.

It was greatly open through the inside. The 'bird's nest' hung from the ceiling at the center, and there the Captain and Pilots had their stations. Room had been found to rig up two safety harnesses, to secure two individuals from the research pod where we could watch the Captain and Pilots work. The rest of us joined the singers, who stood in a line from stem to stern along the bottom of the ship.

The mood was solemn and focused as the humans prepared for the journey. The subspace engines were prepped, their rumble vibrating through the ship. The Pilots and Captain stretched their hands and rolled their necks, loosening themselves up. The singers took deep breaths and hummed, warming their voices.

"All Ready?" the Captain asked. She was a small human, her wrinkled skin a pleasingly luminous deep brown and her thickly curly silver hair tied up in many braids and twisted into a knot at the back of her head. She was called Janette, and when she spoke, in her firm and quiet voice, the crew of the Merry Dancer listened closely and with respect.

"Singers in Position," the chief among the singers—the Lead Chanter—reported. "At your command, Captain." He was a large human, hairless and very round, with pink skin heavily freckled with brown spots. He was called George, and his voice was big and booming as so many of the ship's singers were. Even when he was not working he was always surrounded by the singers of the Merry Dancer, in a loud and happy group that was always singing, for they trusted him and liked to be close.

After a look and a nod with the two pilots, the Captain spoke again. "You may begin when ready," she said. And then, informally and with a small smile, "Sing to me."

Lead Chanter George stamped out a beat that the rest of the singers took up immediately. He inhaled a massive breath, filling his belly and broad chest to its limit. (And we had heard of the training most ship's singers chose to undertake from childhood, exercises to increase their lung capacity and improve the volume and resonance of their voices, that they might sing loud and long without doing themselves damage. George epitomized the results, as so many lead chanters did.)

He belted out the line to song we had heard the humans singing before. A 'shanty', they called it; an old one. It was dated from long before their species even dreamed that they could leave their birth planet and sail across the stars rather than the oceans of their homeworld.

"Oh, we'll blow the man up and we'll blow the man down!" George led.

And every singer through the ship, in time and at great volume, sang out in answer: "Way, hey, blow the man down!"

George spared a brief moment of attention to wink at the nearest member of the research pod as he led again: "We'll make the trip over, won't let our friends down."

"Give us some time to blow the man down!" the singers responded.

The sound of their voices and the solid beat of their stamping boots vibrated the entire ship. It was clear that the acoustics were designed such that the vibrations bounced off the walls of the ship, centering unerringly on the crow's nest. The Captain and the Pilots nodded in time as the Lead Chanter improvised the next verse and sang it up to them, as the singers responded in tuneful chorus.

The Captain's hand clenched on a lever, the subspace engine throttle, tight enough her knuckles paled. A deep breath, and she slammed the throttle wide open in time with the singers. The engine roared briefly, outclassed only by the song. Immediately it was clear why the humans, in their language, had named their version of the subspace dive after a violent strike—the punch. It was a hard transition, swift and jarring.

Then. Oh, then. We understood, suddenly and most terribly, why the humans could not describe their subspace shielding and stabilization technology to us, for they had none.

They had none!

Their minds, bodies, and their entire ships were fully exposed to the nongeometrical confusion of subspace. The research pod, we who had asked to be there and been eagerly chosen, were caught up in it as well. Spacetime was ruffled, twisted, wrinkled, defying understanding in ways that three-dimensional space and regularly linear time never did. Unshielded subspace was a mind-destroying horror, the likes of which we-the-hive had never experienced.

And through the midst of the direful disorientation, the humans were singing.

We-the-hive discovered the principles of subspace engines, the basics for the traversing of subspace to make the lightyears of interstellar travel pass in hours, long before we used them. The dive to the space below the three dimensional and outside of linear spacetime requires mere force. Three generations were born and died while we developed the much more difficult shielding and stabilization technology, which requires finesse. Only when we had perfected it, when we could hold an entire ship in a stable pocket of three dimensions through a subspace trip, did we become starfarers.

The humans had taken a very different approach.

Lead Chanter George stood like a stone against the wind, inventing lyrics for his ancient shanty, and the ship's singers stomped the deck in time and answered, never faltering. Above them, Captain Janette and her pilots listened hard to the song and the echoes. Their hands were on their controls, manually firing the ship's small stabilization engines. They judged by the sound alone whether any part of the ship was warping, if it was redshifting or blueshifting out of tune or out of time.

Ship's singers had told us, proudly, that they lived and died by their voices. We had thought it hyperbole.

The twist and shake of the ship, what the humans called the shimmy and roll and the bucking gravitational waves, never abated. The singing never ceased. In between lines of the call and response of the shanty, singers took sips of water from the bottles on their belts to keep their throats from growing dry. George communicated with his Second with brief hand signs, and sie took over leading with a different shanty—another ancient song, The Wellerman. The pilots breathed hard with the effort of concentration. Sweat beaded at the Captain's hairline. A thin trickle ran down her cheek and neck in a jaggedly uneven line, pushed and pulled by the roiling of subspace.

The humans, with their fortitude and adaptability, and specifically the crew of the Merry Dancer with their long experience, were able to keep functioning. They could continue to work despite the tearing disorientation, else the ship and all in it would have been lost. The members of the research pod were not so prepared, and were not so adaptable. With communication disrupted between us so each was utterly alone, with the confusion and isolation overwhelming, we had all curled up tight inside our carapaces for safety, like frightened hatchlings. Only one in three were able to even peek a single eyestalk out to observe with shattered perception, to increase our knowledge and understanding as had been the intention of the trade.

(On the hive's ship, mid journey, one of the human researchers aboard hesitantly asked when the trip was going to begin. This caused great confusion all around.)

Another unknowable and incomprehensible time later, the Second signaled to Lead Chanter George, and he led again with a third song—Roll The Old Chariot Along. The music, sure and unending, was a comfort in the confusion. The singers' strong voices, unified, were a touchstone in the chaos.

The third song was ongoing when the subspace engine began cycling again, powering up for the punch back out. Despite the strain, despite the confused length of time of their singing, George's voice grew in volume, and the rest of the singers followed. They overwhelmed the sound of the engine, providing Captain Janette and the Pilots with the guidance they needed through the last moments.

The second punch was every bit as harsh as the first. Space time warped, twisted, and then snapped back into three dimensional linearity. Through the transition, the singers never faltered. The reverberation of their voices rang through the ship, a joyful shout. George had his hands raised high as he led one final chorus at half time.

"Lead Chanter, singers, you may stand down," the Captain announced, formally, and then smiling but still dignified despite her obvious weariness. "Nicely done, crew."

Some of the singers cheered and hugged each other, or slapped each other's backs in celebration. Others, though, ran and fell to their knees by the nearest of the research pod to them.

"What happened?", "Are they ok?" "Are they hurt?", "I don't understand they just collapsed as soon as we punched!"

Lead Chanter George, trusted and respected by the singers he led, sang out calming words even as he sat on the deck beside one the nearest researcher from the pod—one who had an eye stalk out monitoring. He smiled at us, human expression of happiness. He placed one large warm hand on the back of the researcher's carapace. He could not speak our language, but with his tired voice he sang the tone of safety—with the caress and the crooning he communicated an absence of danger as we might to our own hatchlings.

We would learn that a young relative of his was among the human hatchlings who mingled with ours, that by observing us with our own hatchlings he'd learned the way to offer comfort. One and another of the singers took up the tone, until the ship throbbed with it. The research pod were given care and reassurance, and with the sharp reduction in stress we were able to uncurl, to communicate and reintegrate and return to a harmonious whole as we worked to piece together our shattered understanding of what had occurred.

The touch and the tone were not quite the same as our own, similar enough, but different. Still, the difference was not unpleasant. In that moment, in the relief and the... the kindness, the sonorous resonance of a human singer's voice and the softness of a human hand were fixed as beautiful. These humans were not us, not ours, but become beloved. When the research pod was reintegrated in the whole of we-the-hive, the beauty and affection remained.

We would learn that the journey we observed had been 'easy', routine, as safe as any trip could be. The humans had pride in the safety of their ships and in the training of their capable crews—that they lost, astoundingly, merely one in two thousand ships in unstabilized dives.

They had done so much with so little, singing their way through subspace while still researching the technologies that would make it safe.

When we-the-hive truly understood the risks the humans took with every single journey, when the research pod's knowledge was fully integrated, we knew we could not leave them without the advantages we had.

The decision to share all details of our subspace shielding and stabilization technology with the humans—with our friends—was swift and without dissent.

Edit - 04/20/21 So! This story is actually an eventual-future-worldbuilding of a short story about space shanties that I wrote in 2018, and which I have finally found a home for! The story in question sadly does not include aliens, but it does have ace lesbians singing their way through danger. It’s sweet and hope-punky and I think that if you enjoyed this one, you’d enjoy that one too!

“(don’t you) love a singer” is available in the It Gets Even Better: Stories of Queer Possibility anthology by Speculatively Queer. You can grab a copy [here]!

#fuck yeah humanity #humans are space orcs #space shanty #sea shanty #first contact #sff #free read #long post #hopepunk #hopecore

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brokehorrorfan · 3 years ago

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Scream Factory has revealed the updated specs for its 4K Utlra HD releases of the first five Halloween films, which will be released on September 28. Joel Robinson designed the new cover art for each movie; the original posters are on the reverse side.

1978’s Halloween is directed by John Carpenter (The Thing, The Fog), who co-wrote the script with producer Debra Hill (The Fog). Donald Pleasence, Jamie Lee Curtis, P.J. Soles, Nancy Loomis, and Nick Castle star.

1981’s Halloween II is directed by Rick Rosenthal (Halloween: Resurrection) and written by John Carpenter and Debra Hill. Jamie Lee Curtis, Donald Pleasence, Charles Cyphers, Lance Guest, and Dick Warlock star.

1982’s Halloween III: Season of the Witch is written and directed by Tommy Lee Wallace (It, Fright Night Part 2). Tom Atkins, Stacey Nelkin, and Dan O'Herlihy star.

1988’s Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers is directed by Dwight H. Little (Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid) and written by Alan B. McElroy (Wrong Turn). Donald Pleasence, Ellie Cornell, Danielle Harris, and Michael Pataki star.

1989’s Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers is written and directed by Dominique Othenin-Girard (Omen IV: The Awakening). Donald Pleasence, Danielle Harris, Ellie Cornell, Beau Starr, Wendy Kaplan, and Tamara Glynn star.

Each film has been newly restored in 4K from the original camera negative and new Dolby Atmos audio tracks. Special features are listed below. Notably, Halloween 5's long-thought-lost "Dr. Death" scene and deleted gore shots are included.

Halloween:

Disc 1 (4K Ultra HD):

Audio Commentary With Co-Writer/Director John Carpenter And Actress Jamie Lee Curtis

Audio Commentary With Director Of Photography Dean Cundey, Editor Tommy Lee Wallace, And Actor Nick Castle

Disc 2 (Blu-ray):

Audio Commentary With John Carpenter And Jamie Lee Curtis

Audio Commentary With Dean Cundey, Tommy Lee Wallace, And Nick Castle

The Night She Came Home Featurette

Halloween Unmasked featurette

Theatrical Trailer

Trailers from Hell with Adam Rifkin

TV Spots

Radio Spots

Additional Scenes shot for the network version

NBC Broadcast TV Promo

Newspaper Ad Gallery (new)

Still Gallery

Disc 3 (Blu-ray):

Original Color Timing Presentation of the Film

Halloween: The Extended Version (with standard definition inserts)

Broadcast Television Cut (in standard definition)

Interview With Producer Moustapha Akkad

Halloween: A Cut Above The Rest featurette

Horror’s Hallowed Grounds – a look at the original film locations

Horror’s Hallowed Grounds Halloween Bus Tour

TV Spots

Radio Spots

On a black and unholy Halloween night years ago, little Michael Myers brutally slaughtered his sister in cold blood. For the last fifteen years, the people of Haddonfield have rested easily, knowing that Michael was safely locked away in a mental hospital… until tonight. Michael has escaped and he will soon return to the same quiet neighborhood to relive his grisly murder again. For this is a night of evil. Tonight is Halloween.

Halloween II:

Disc 1 (4K Ultra HD):

Audio Commentary With Director Rick Rosenthal

Audio Commentary With Stunt Coordinator Dick Warlock

DISC TWO (BLU-RAY):

Audio Commentary With Director Rick Rosenthal

Audio Commentary With Stunt Coordinator Dick Warlock

The Nightmare Isn’t Over: The Making Of Halloween II with Rick Rosenthal, Dick Warlock, Composer Alan Howarth, Director Of Photography Dean Cundey, Actors Lance Guest And Leo Rossi, And More

Horror’s Hallowed Grounds - a look at the original film locations

Deleted Scenes with optional audio commentary by Rick Rosenthal

Alternate Ending with optional audio commentary by Rick Rosenthal

Teaser Trailer

Theatrical Trailer

TV Spots

Radio Spots

TV promo

Newspaper Ad Gallery (new)

Movie Stills Gallery

Posters and Lobby Cards Gallery

Disc 3 (DVD):

Television Cut (Standard Definition)

Film Script (DVD-ROM)

Picking up exactly where the first film left off, Halloween II follows the same ill-fated characters as they encounter the knife-wielding maniac they left for dead in the first film. The inhuman Michael Myers is still very much alive and out for more revenge as he stalks the deserted halls of the Haddonfield hospital. As he gets closer to his main target, Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence) discovers the chilling mystery behind the crazed psychopath’s actions.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch:

Disc 1 (4K Ultra HD):

Audio Commentary With Director Tommy Lee Wallace

Audio Commentary With Actor Tom Atkins

Disc 2 (Blu-ray):

Audio Commentary With Tommy Lee Wallace

Audio Commentary With Tom Atkins

Stand Alone: The Making Of Halloween III: Season Of The Witch with Tommy Lee Wallace, Actors Tom Atkins And Stacey Nelkin, Stunt Coordinator Dick Warlock, Director Of Photography Dean Cundey, And More

Interview with Justin Mabry of Trick or Treat Studios (new)

Interview with makeup effects artist Tom Burman

Horror’s Hallowed Grounds - a look at the original film locations

Teaser Trailer

Theatrical Trailer

TV Spots and TV promo

Radio Spots

Newspaper Ad Gallery (new)

Movie Stills Gallery

Posters and Lobby Cards Gallery

A terrified toy salesman is mysteriously attacked. At the hospital, he babbles and clutches the year’s most popular Halloween costume, an eerie pumpkin mask. Suddenly, Doctor Daniel Challis (Tom Atkins) finds himself thrust into a terrifying Halloween nightmare. Working with the salesman’s daughter, Ellie, Daniel traces the mask to the Silver Shamrock Novelties company and its founder, Conal Cochran (Dan O’Herlihy). Ellie and Daniel uncover Cochran’s shocking Halloween plan and must stop him before trick-or-treaters across the country never come home.

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers:

Disc 1 (4K Ultra HD):

Audio Commentary With Actors Ellie Cornell And Danielle Harris

Audio Commentary With Director Dwight H. Little And Author Justin Beahm

Disc 2 (Blu-ray):

Audio Commentary With Ellie Cornell And Danielle Harris

Audio Commentary With Dwight H. Little And Justin Beahm

The Making Of Halloween 4: Final Cut

Back to Basics: The Making of Halloween 4

Horror’s Hallowed Grounds - a look at the original film locations

Theatrical Trailer

TV Spots

Newspaper Ad Gallery (new)

Still Gallery

He butchered 16 people trying to get to his sister. He was shot and incinerated, but still the entity that Dr. Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasence) calls “Evil on two legs” would not die. Tonight, Michael Myers has come home again… to kill! This time, Michael returns to Haddonfield for Jamie Lloyd (Danielle Harris) – the orphaned daughter of Laurie Strode – and her babysitter Rachel (Ellie Cornell). Can Loomis stop Michael before the unholy slaughter reaches his innocent young niece?

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers:

Disc 1 (4K Ultra HD):

Audio Commentary With Actor Don Shanks

Audio Commentary With Director Dominique Othenin-Girard And Actors Danielle Harris And Jeffrey Landman

Disc 2 (Blu-ray):

Audio Commentary With Don Shanks

Audio Commentary With Dominique Othenin-Girard, Danielle Harris, And Jeffrey Landman

Alternate opening sequence with Dr. Death (new)

Deleted gore shorts (new)

Interview with cinematographer Robert Draper (new)

Inside Halloween 5

Dead Man’s Party: The Making of Halloween 5

On the Set: Behind the Scenes footage

Halloween 5 Original Promo

Horror’s Hallowed Grounds - a look at the original film locations

Theatrical Trailer

TV Spots

Newspaper Ad Gallery (new)

Still Gallery

Because Hell would not have him, Michael Myers survived the mine explosion thought to have killed him. One year later, his traumatized young niece Jamie (Danielle Harris) is horrified to discover she has a telepathic bond with her evil Uncle… and that Uncle Michael is on his way back to Haddonfield. But Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence) has a new plan to destroy The Boogey Man in his childhood home using Jamie as bait. Tonight, the carnage begins again: Michael Myers is back with a vengeance!

Among Shout Factory’s pre-order options, they’ve teamed with Sacred Bones Records to release 7" vinyl records with the first three movies. Each record features the respective film’s main theme and another song from the soundtrack, newly recorded by John Carpenter, packaged with the 4K UHD release in a box case featuring art by Chris Bilheimer.

#halloween #halloween 2 #halloween 3 #halloween 4 #halloween 5 #john carpenter #scream factory #dvd #gift #joel robinson #michael myers #halloween ii #halloween iii #halloween iii: season of the witch #jamie lee curtis

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radiorenjun · 4 years ago

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I Don't Need It

• Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

• Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff

• Na Jaemin despised the idea of soulmates, he wanted to fight against fate for choosing his soulmate for him. Even if it means his stubborn childhood best friend wouldn't stop trying to make him accept about the similar tattoos on their wrists.

• Warnings: mental breakdowns, heartbreak, mentions of blood, science (ew), mentions of death, major angst, arguments, flashbacks, physical injuries, fighting.

• Wordcount : 9.4 k

• Masterlist here!

• Chapters: IX, X

• Song rec of the chapter : Start Over Again - New Hope Club

“Shit, I didn’t think it would be this bad.” Hyuck exclaimed as they finally managed to drag Jaemin out of the arcade. “Why was his wrist glowing like that?!” Chenle exclaimed as Jaemin gripped his wrist tightly, trying to make the burning sensation subside. “Idiot, didn’t you pay attention to Science class?” Hyuck replied as they watched Jeno (who had ran off to the nearest run towards them with a small packet of ice cream mochi in his hand.

“This was the only thing nearby, put this on.” Jeno handed Jaemin the cold packet, who thanked him softly and carefully placed the packet on the burning skin. “What’s happening to him?” Jisung asked, looking at his seniors as Jaemin leaned his back against the wall, slumping against it with a heavy sigh, trying to ignore the searing pain.

“I’m fine, really. It’s just a little wrist pain. It’ll go away sooner or later. I-” Jaemin muttered under his breath before Jeno cuts him off with a strict tone. “Shut up, Jaemin. You’re not okay,” he spoke sternly before running a hand through his hair in distress. “Hyung, what’s going on?” Jisung asked, in a more serious tone, truly concerned for their dear friend.

“It’s his tattoo. It’s burning his blood.” Hyuck explained, his usual teasing tone was now replaced with a serious one. His eyes staring straight at the glowing red skin as the younger boys stared at him in shock, Jaemin’s head shot up in surprise, eyes wide to see if Hyuck was messing him or not. “Hyuck, that’s not funny.” Jaemin let out a strained laugh, letting out a sharp hiss when Jeno pressed the cold pack harder onto his skin. “It’s not a joke, Jaems.” Jeno scolded softly.

“How is that even possible?” Chenle asked, baffled. Jeno rolled his eyes as he released his tight grip on Jaemin’s wrist, causing the younger boy to glare at him, pressing the ice pack against his wrist gently. “Guess someone never payed attention to Science class,” Hyuck muttered under his breath, receiving a punch on the shoulder from Jisung. “Get to the point, hyung.” he frowned.

“From what I remembered, that tattoo is connected to your emotions. It’s like the old red string soulmate theory. It’s the only thing that connects you with your soulmate. if you found your soulmate but they reject you or hurt you in any shape or form, the brain registers emotional pain of heartbreak in the same way as physical pain.” Jeno explains briefly, as Jaemin’s eyes widened at the new information. How come he’s never heard of this before?

“When the tattoo appears, it turns into some kind of blood vessel that connects to the emotional part of your body. And when you experience some form of heartbreak that’s caused by your soulmate, the tattoo somehow produces bacteria that burns your blood on your left wrist, hence the bright glow.” Jeno adds on, sighing, a hand going back to scratch the back of his neck. Hyuck nodded, “I knew this because Jeno gave me his science notes when we had that science test,” Hyuck exclaimed, putting a hand on Jeno’s shoulder who gave him a deadpanned look.

“There are some cases that the pains were so bad that they had to be removed.” Hyuck added on. “And let me tell you, it’s not a fun process to do so. It’s pretty rare, but they say if you’re not careful, removing it might mentally break them.” Hyuck unconsciously rubbed his own wrist, wincing at the mere thought of getting a part of his skin peeled off.

“So all this time. All the chest pains, all the wrist pains I’ve been enduring, was because I was feeling emotionally hurt by my own soulmate?” Jaemin asked in a rather hesitant tone, his pupils filled with disbelief. “Not hurt, per say. More like jealousy.” Hyuck concluded with soft shrug. “Jealousy?” Jaemin gaped, his mouth opened in disbelief. He didn’t know what to say. Or if he could say anything at all. It was all too much to take in.

“Yep. I don’t know if you noticed, but every time you see Renjun and Y/N together these days, you often glare at them as if you were going to have lasers shooting out of your eyeballs into Renjun’s skull.” Jisung joked, a small smile appearing on his face, trying to ease the awkward tension around them. “You need to seriously stop lying to yourself. If the world set you up together, you’re bound to develop feelings whether you like it or not, that’s how this fucked up soulmate system works.” Hyuck groaned in annoyance.

“You’re more stubborn than Jeno when his mom told him to not get a cat because he’s allergic to fur.” Jisung nodded in agreement. Jeno turned his head to the younger boy, letting out a soft, “what?”

“Very funny, you two.” Jaemin rolled his eyes.

“Honestly, hyung, this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t so stubborn bout going against fate.” Chenle huffed, leaning his arm against Jaemin’s left shoulder, looking at the older boy with sympathy in his eyes. “Wait, does this mean,” Jaemin paused as his mind drifted back to you, his brows furrowed in confusion and a slight tint of horror.

“All this time, y/n felt this excruciating sensation for two whole years?” Jaemin gulped. By the way Jisung and Chenle gazed at their older friends curiously, he assumed they didn’t know any of this. A part of him didn’t want to talk bout this in front of them. Yet, another part of him was too curious yet nervous to find out the answer, for his friends’ reactions had said it all. The two boys looked away sadly, bowing their heads to avoid eye contact with their best friend. Jaemin felt his heart drop into his stomach, your innocent smile flashing through his mind, causing his guilt to fill him up even more.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jaemin asked, guilt filling his veins like a running tap filling up a jug with water.

“We wanted to. At first, we thought you knew. That’s why we were rather hesitant when talking to you since that day,” Hyuck exclaimed with an exhausted sigh, biting his lip nervously, referring to your birthday. “Then when you said you almost failed science back then because you didn’t bother reading the notes we shared, we were about to tell you,” Jeno continued hesitantly, his own eyes filled with guilt, remembering how Jaemin hated the ideas of soulmates so much, he didn’t even want to listen to the teachers explanations when it comes to the soulmate system that he purposely didn’t study for the soulmate part of the topic for the test.

“But then,” Hyuck cut him off.

2 years ago

“Dude, you barely passed Science, what’s up with that?” Jeno gaped, seeing Jaemin’s low score displayed on the pin board their school had set up beside every entrance to each class for event posters and test scores. Jaemin shrugged nonchalantly, his eyes filled with disinterest. “This was like the easiest topic of the whole semester, how in hell did you get a 72?” Hyuck exclaimed in disbelief.

“I didn’t bother to study with this one,” Jaemin shrugged, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Dude, it’s about the soulmate system. The only interesting topic in the whole school year, it’s all basic knowledge.” Hyuck deadpanned, nudging Jaemin’s arm with his elbow. Jaemin rolled his eyes, groaning in annoyance. “So? I don’t want to know shit bout that lousy system.” Jaemin replied with pursed lips.

“Shit, man. That’s kind of mean. I bet you didn’t even know that if you hurt your soulmate you’ll-”

“Haechan! Jeno!”

The three boys turned to see you smiling widely at them, though the smile didn’t reach your eyes. You quickly jogged up to the two boys, grabbing the, by the elbows in each hand, gripping onto them tightly. “Hey Nana!” you greeted, giving your soulmate a loving smile who just sent you a small friendly smile and a small wave. “Sorry, do you mind if I borrow your friends for a bit? I got something to say to them,” you giggled nervously, tugging them backwards to say it’s urgent so that Jaemin couldn’t catch on.

“Where did you come from?” Jeno asked, raising a brow at you. You frowned slightly, “through the wall.” You replied in a sarcastic tone, causing Hyuck to let out a soft chuckle. “It’s really urgent. I really need to talk to you guys,” you spoke seriously, tugging them back as Jaemin raised his brow at you suspiciously. “What’s so urgent that you got to take my friends away from me, huh?” Jaemin teased, causing you to let out a soft laugh.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” you winked, giggling. “But we have class in less than-” Jeno was immediately cut off by your desperate tone as you tugged them back quite roughly. “It’ll just take a second!” you said nervously, eyes pleading at them to go with the flow. Hyuck and Jeno shared perplexed looks before letting you tug them away from Jaemin.

“See you in Chemistry, Jaemin!” Jeno waved at his friend, who waved back with a soft smile before turning to the other direction to get to his locker. You pulled Hyuck and Jeno around the corner, looking back to see if you were far enough from Jaemin. “What’s up with you Y/N? You look like my little sister when she told her teacher that I ate her homework.” Hyuck asked in a concerned tone.

Your smile from before dissipated into a rather exhausted expression, sighing as you leaned back against some random student’s locker. “You guys have to promise me to not talk to Jaemin anything related to the soulmate system.” you frowned, eyes boring onto theirs seriously. Jeno frowned, confused. “Okay. Why though?” he asked questioningly.

You looked back, making sure Jaemin was nowhere to be seen before hesitantly speaking. “He doesn’t know anything bout the soulmate system. Like, literally nothing.” you started, rubbing the back of your neck in distress, letting out a pained sigh. “He’s been that way ever since we were kids, you know that, Jeno. And it’s best if we keep it that way,” you explained.

“Y/n, no. You know full well what’s going to happen. You’re gonna get hurt, like physically hurt, y/n. We need to tell him,” Jeno shook his head, refusing boldly with Hyuck nodding in agreement. You sighed, smiling softly. “I knew you were going to say that. But really, I’m going to be fine. It’s nothing I can’t handle.” you waved it off with a light smile.

Hyuck and Jeno gave you uncertain looks. “I’m serious.” you huffed with a slight pout, “I appreciate you two caring bout my well being but I’m really going to be okay. Trust me,” you held up two crossed fingers from your left hand, grinning sheepishly. Hyuck and Jeno eyed the sore mark around the tattoo on your wrist, identical to Jaemin’s which was red as if it had been gripped tightly by someone.

“Y/n, you’re gonna get even more hurt. You need to tell Jaemin, what if he stops being stubborn if you just tell him?” Hyuck tried to reason, feeling his own wrist sting by the sight of yours, wondering how painful it could be to feel such an awful sensation. You let out a soft shrug, “I don’t want to see him sad like that. I am his soulmate after all, soulmates are suppose to keep each other happy.” you smiled, though Jeno and Hyuck could see the sadness through your pupils.

“What’s the point in that? You’re just gonna keep him in the dark so he can be happy while you suffer in pain every day? That isn’t fair, y/n. It isn’t fair to you nor to Jaemin,” Jeno furrowed his brows, feeling frustrated with his stubborn friend. Why couldn’t he just get over the whole ‘I’m going against fate because this whole soulmate system sucks’ bullshit?

You gigged softly, looking down at the sore mark around your tattoo, caressing the balloon doodle with your thumb. “You two don’t fully understand. I want him to love me, but I don’t want him to love me just because he’s forced to.” you sighed, taking your two friends aback slightly. “Maybe one day-” you shook your head profusely, trying to shake the negativity out of your head.

“No, I know one day, he’ll love me back the way I love him. I just need to be patient with his stubborn ass. I’ll never stop trying until that happens. And when that happens, maybe none of us will be sad anymore.” the sad yet hopeful smile you plastered across your lips was enough to break Jeno and Hyuck’s heart. They wished you and Jaemin could have an easier plot to your story, wishing that you wouldn’t have to go through such a painful process just to make your soulmate happy. But love makes you do crazy things, and they knew they should respect your decision.

“How are you so sure? It’s been months, y/n.” Jeno asked rather hesitantly. But he needed an answer why you couldn’t just tell him. Hyuck nodded, he couldn’t find the courage to speak. Hell, Hyuck didn’t even know what to say to you, not when you were looking at him as if you were clinging on to your last hope of life. You gave him those sad smiles you only see in movies when a main character knows they’re in for a long painful ride through life.

“I’m actually not.” you replied shortly, putting your hands into the pockets of your jacket, “But this is what love does to me. It makes me feel as if I gave up on this, I’m going to have the whole world turned upside down. I guess I’m just that whipped.” you shrugged simply, kicking a crumpled ball of paper someone dropped earlier. “Love? What is love, really?” Hyuck asked in a rather bitter tone, recalling the hurt expressions you would always have whenever Jaemin wasn’t looking.

You paused to think bout it for a moment before looking at the two boys with a knowing look, “I don’t know myself. But it feels amazing to be in love, I want it to last as long as possible. Even if it might not work out for me in the end, I just want to at least cherish it while I can,” you grinned, giving them enthusiastic jazz hands.

“So, can you promise me that you’ll both keep this between the three of us?”

“So you both actually kept it from me all these years?” Jaemin exclaimed, feeling anger overwhelm his whole body. Hyuck’s head shot up, “she looked tired enough, we couldn’t say no, you asshole!” he shot back defensively, jaw clenching tightly. “Telling you would be like taking her last bit of hope, she didn’t want to burden you with the thought, so she kept it to herself, you ungrateful douchebag!” he spat, his face red with anger as he stared back at his friend in disbelief.

“Oh, so you decided to let her suffer internally so I can feel like shit about it later on? Sure, Donghyuck!” Jaemin shot back, pulling the frozen pack to clench his fists by his sides. “Oh, so it’s y/n’s fault now, is it? That’s what you’re implying?!” Hyuck growled, letting out a groan of annoyance at his best friend’s stubborn self.

“You ass, you really can’t see how fucking stupid you’re being? She’s your fucking soulmate, for fucks sakes! Get your head out of your ass and wake up, if you just showed a bit of interest with the whole soulmate system then this wouldn’t have happened in the first place!”

At this point, things were getting a bit too intense for the two boys, Jisung had to step forward and grip his senior’s shoulder, in case Hyuck tried to do something to Jaemin. “Shut up, Hyuck. You don’t even know what you’re talking about! You’re just one of those people who follows this fucked up soulmate system, you just don’t get it!” Jaemin took a step forward towards the older boy, jaw clenched tightly in anger.

“Yeah, sure, if this system is so fucked up, then what bout you, huh? What about you, Na Jaemin?”

“What about me?”

“If this whole system is fucked up, like you say it is. Then what about you? Don’t you think it’s fucked up that you keep hurting your own childhood best friend for your own selfish purposes, you prick?”

“Hyung, I think thats-” Jisung attempted to coax Hyuck to stop before he did some permanent damage to their whole friendship, only for the older boy to shrug his hand away with a harsh scowl on his lips. “Shut up, Jisung. I’ve had it with this bullshit, it’s time he opens his fucking eyes and stop acting like a fucking brat.” Hyuck spat back at the younger, causing the poor boy to sigh in defeat.

“What the fuck is that suppose to mean?” Jaemin felt his heart ache, not in the way whenever he would see you or Renjun. It was a different kind of ache, it felt as if tiny sharp objects were slowly piercing through his heart. And Jaemin was afraid that he didn’t know how to make it stop.

“It’s funny how you just tossed away her feelings for your own for two whole years. You didn’t even know that she was hurting, right? You treated her like shit for two years: throwing away her cookies, her gifts. Taking her kindness for granted, rolling your eyes at her whenever she was in the room. Not to mention talking shit bout her behind her back.”

“I do not talk shit about her behind her back-”

“Oh, really? What about those times you complained how clingy she was? How she was suffocating you with her presence? How she was getting annoying day by day, huh? What do you call that?”

“I was just-”

“You were just what, Jaemin? You were just pissed off? Or was it because you didn’t think she was right behind you listening? Or is it gonna be another of your petty excuses?”

Jaemin couldn’t respond, he didn’t know want to say. He admits that what he’s done in the past wasn’t the nicest things, but he was just upset whenever he said those things. He froze in his place, unable to find the right words to respond. Or rather, he couldn’t respond at all.

“Oh, so now you have nothing to say? Just admit that you’re being irrational about this whole situation, Jaemin. It’s not that hard to admit that you’re wrong, you bastard. No wonder Y/n replaced yo-”

Before Donghyuck could finish his sentence, Jaemin pushed Donghyuck by the chest harshly in anger. Hyuck took a few steps back at the harsh impact, his scowl turning into a smug grin. “Shut up, Donghyuck.” Jaemin growled, shrugging off Jeno’s hand when Jeno stepped forward to gently coax Jaemin to let it go before they both do something that’ll get them in trouble.

“Did I hit a nerve? You know it’s true, Na. You just won’t admit it!” Hyuck growled, causing Jaemin’s blood to boil under his skin. Both of his fists were clenched tightly, ready to punch something. Or rather, someone.

“Stop it, Hyuck.” Jeno barked, his tone getting an octave lower. At this point, Jisung and Chenle were eyeing their elders cautiously, ready to drop their snacks to the floor in case a fight breaks out. “What? I’m not lying, aren’t I? It wouldn’t take a genius to know that Y/n basically replaced him with someone clearly better for her. I mean, Renjun’s would be a way better soulmate than your selfish ass, anyways.” Hyuck taunted with a proud glint in his pupils.

“Hyuck, stop it before you’re gonna regret something,” Jeno barked once again as Jaemin clicked his tongue, his jaw clenching tightly as the atmosphere thickens between the three boys. “If only Y/n wasn’t cursed to be soulmate with an asshole like you, then she didn’t have to put up with your ungrateful ass for all these years!” Hyuck exclaimed, raising his hands up dramatically to rile Jaemin up even more.

It all happened so fast.

In a split second, Jaemin launched himself onto Hyuck, grabbing the younger boy by the collar. “Take it back,” Jaemin spat in his face, tone laced with anger. Hyuck still had a proud smirk on his face, provoking the boy even more by his smug expression. “I’m happy she didn’t have to get stuck with you for the rest of her life despite being cursed for having the same tat-”

Hyuck didn’t get to finish his sentence when Jaemin’s fist collided against the side of his face. “Jaemin! Hyuck!” Jeno ripped the two boys apart, holding Jaemin back before he causes a ruckus. Jisung and Chenle held Hyuck back as Jeno began to scold the younger boys, “Fuck off, Jeno!” Jaemin tried to shove Jeno off of him, but Jeno tightened his grip on Jaemin’s shoulder, holding him back tightly.

“Jaemin, stop it you’re making a scene.” Jeno hissed as Hyuck let out a cocky “Ha!”, getting out of Jisung and Chenle’s grip. “No, Jen. Let him go, maybe if he beats me up, he’s gonna realize how shitty of a human being he’s been.” Hyuck taunted with a sinister laugh, causing Jaemin to let out a harsh growl at his friend. “You little-”

“Hyuck, stop provoking him. Jaemin, calm down before someone calls security!” Jeno struggled to keep Jaemin at arms length from Hyuck, Jaemin’s pupils darted at the people around them staring, whispering and crying out for someone to get security. He felt anxiety crawl up his skin at the countless of eyes glaring at them, but one that truly caught his eye was your own figure walking out of the arcade.

You had a skip in your step with an enthusiastic smile on your face as you stared back at your friends, pointing at the nearest food court as you looked back at your friends. His eyes widened slightly when he saw one of your friends pointing towards the crowd around them, anger soon being replaced with a strong surge of panic.

Jaemin masked his panic with an incredulous scoff, shoving Jeno’s hand off of him with an annoyed huff before bumping his shoulder against Donghyuck who gave him a death glare as he stomped off to the parking lot as fast as he could, ignoring the eyes of strangers as he leaves his friends behind.

“Son of a bitch!”

Jaemin couldn’t be anymore thankful that his parents were away on a business trip for two weeks, they didn’t have to see their son experiencing a mental breakdown right before their eyes. Jaemin slammed the door shut as hard as he could, hitting his fist against the door in anger, swearing loudly as he vents his anger out on the white wooden door.

His fists were red with pain, but at that moment he couldn’t find it in himself to care. All he wanted was to block out the pain he was feeling deep down inside of him and let it out before it exploded inside him. Before the pressure broke him inside and outside.

Eventually, the sound of his fists hitting the wooden door stopped. Jaemin took a step back, panting, his hair messy, his blood boiling, his heart racing in his chest, exhaustion filling his entire body. He collapsed onto the mattress of his bed, sighing out. Jaemin felt exhausted, mentally and physically. He felt like being stuck in his room for the rest of his life. He felt like he wanted to just disappear.

Jaemin turned over to his stomach, burying his face against the soft fabric of his pillows. His heart ached even more, his wrist wasn’t burning anymore but it still left a dull ache in it’s wake. And for once in his life he wasn’t covering his soulmate tattoo with his watch or wristbands. Jaemin’s glassy eyes stared at the small tattoo that got him into this big of a mess in the first place as his mind keeps spinning in his head.

The tattoo that was once a bright doodle of a small red balloon floating in the middle of two clouds had now transitioned into a dim crimson red, the white color in the clouds and the bright red color in the balloon were barely visible. Jaemin assumed that was probably the side effects of either the pain killers he took or the tattoo releasing bacteria from the emotional pain in his chest.

Jaemin chuckled to himself, turning his head to see the half empty bottle of pain killers standing innocently on his desk. Laughing lightly to himself at how frustrated he gets whenever the pain wouldn’t stop despite taking the maximum dosage. “I’m so stupid.” he mumbled to himself, rubbing his face with his palms in frustration.

On second thought, he couldn’t remember the last time he saw your tattoo. Jaemin’s brows furrowed, at the thought. Come to think of it, you had been covering your own tattoo up these past couple months. Either with the matching friendship bracelet he got you for your 16th birthday, joking how you should cover your tattoo with it, hours prior to when your tattoo appeared.

You wore it all the time since then. The charms on the bracelet were large enough to cover the small tattoo on your wrist. Were you using the bracelet as an excuse to cover the marks your tattoo left on your skin from everyone else? Was your cheerful demeanor a facade all this time to cover your pain from Jaemin so that Jaemin wouldn’t feel guilty for hurting you?

Everything was a mess.

Jaemin wanted this whole problem to just disappear.

He groaned as he sat up from his bed, eyes examining his bedroom. The distant nostalgic sound of both of your laughter echoing in his mind as he recalled the times when you two used to joke around and make each other laugh so hard you had to hold your stomachs. The memory of him flicking your forehead whenever you do something annoying to make him laugh. Pupils staring at the small pebble that sat at the corner of his desk, his mind fluttering back to the time when you were 15.

“So I have a present for you.” you giggled, barging into his room and dropping your bag carelessly in the middle of the room. Jaemin looks up from his phone, raising his brow as a smile stretched across his face. “Is it food?” he asked, an eager smile stretching across his face as he watched you pounce on his bed with your arms stretched out like a starfish.

You turned to your best friend, giving him a bittersweet smile before letting out an evil, loud, maniac laugh, leaning you head back for a dramatic effect, abruptly turning to Jaemin with a deadpanned expression before letting out a cold emotionless, “no.”

Jaemin frowned, his bottom lip jutting out as he whined. “And here I thought you’d finally pay me back for all the peanut butter sandwiches I sacrificed every recess.” he complained under his breath, smacking your backside with one of the pillows behind him. You giggled, sitting up as you watched your best friend pursed his lips at you.

“You wish, Na Jaemin. That’s never going to happen, that I can assure.” you giggled, shaking your head as you snatched the pillow from his hands to lay it on top of your lap. “Then what did you get me?” he asked, a confused frown forming on his lips, leaning his head to the side in curiosity. You smiled simply at him, “close your eyes, first.”

“Why?” he eyed you suspiciously, watching as your right arm reached for something inside the pocket of the peach coloured hoodie you were wearing. “I swear if you get me one of those strawberry infused tea that the 6 year old girl from across the street constantly forces innocent bystanders to buy, I’m going to-”

You let out an incredulous scoff, putting your hand on your chest with an offended frown. “Preposterous!” You gasped dramatically. “I would never make my best friend suffer by buying him a disgusting drink made by a 6 year old who eats play doh for a living!” you exclaimed with an offended tone.

Jaemin gave you an incredulous look, leaning back on the bed with his arms supporting him as he raised a brow a you. “You literally made me try her special oreo, milo, peanut butter and jam, ‘expresso’ a few weeks ago.” he said, wiggling his index and middle fingers when he said ‘expresso’.

You gave him an innocent dorky grin in response, “no regrets.” You hissed with a smug smile. Jaemin rolled his eyes at you, “I’m serious, I’m actually concerned. Knowing you, you probably hired some weird psychic witch to make a voodoo doll of me.” he frowned jokingly. Actually, he was half joking considering you were weird enough to convince him that you were secretly a witch from another dimension.

You giggled, putting the back of your hand on the top of your head as you wailed out dramatically like those people in theaters and soap operas. “Oh dear God, Na Jaemin has no faith in his oh-so-amazing best friend! What have their friendship become!” you cried out, scrunching your face as you pretended to cry in front of him, causing Jaemin to reach his hand out to pinch your cheek gingerly.

“I don’t think ‘amazing’ is a word I would use to describe this whole experience of being your friend since diapers.”

Now it was your turn to purse your lips, causing Jaemin to send you a charming wink, rolling your eyes in response. “Is that so? I think it’s time to finally terminate our friendship.” you sniffled, wiping an invisible tear as Jaemin let out a laugh your statement. “I’m kidding, Y/n.” he cooed in a high pitched voice, putting both his palms against you cheek and squishing them together to pucker your lips.

He snickered as you smacked his hands away from your face, “get your hands off of my face, you peasant.” you giggled before sitting up straight and giving him a serious look. “Now. Close your eyes!” you frowned, booping his nose jokingly. Jaemin raised his brow at you, pushing your finger away from the tip of his nose. “Fine,” he sighed, closing his eyes slowly.

He felt you tug down the hood of the jacket he was wearing over his head, feeling your palm pat against the fabric against his eyelids .”No peeking, Jaemin!” you exclaimed eagerly, your hands moving to pull his hands out from behind him. He rolled his eyes with a small chuckle when he felt your fingers pry his own open to spread out his palms.

“Did you get me those old squishy stress balls you keep gazing at whenever we go to the mall?” he asked with a soft giggle when he feels you place something small and smooth in his palm. “I’m too broke for that, you know that, Jaemin. Now, open your eyes!” you giggled, he felt the bed sink, signalling you probably moved to lay down.

Jaemin placed the object in his hands in his left hand, his right moving to pull the hood over to the back of his head as he slowly opened his eyes and looks down at what you have placed in his palm. His brows furrowed in confusion at the grey object you had placed in his palm, his head shooting up to look at the cheeky grin displayed on your face.

In his palms was a small pebble.

A fucking pebble.

He squinted his eyes at you to see if you were joking, but you just kept giving him the same cheeky grin. You weren’t joking in the slightest. You two stared at each other for the next 15 seconds. Your eyes wide as if daring him to speak and complain while his dared yours to explain what level of degeneracy your weirdness has come to.

Jaemin clicked his tongue at you.

“You got me a rock?” he deadpanned after a pregnant pause. You were on your stomach, gazing up at him with your face in your palms with a chesire grin spread across your face. “First of all, it’s a pebble. Second, it’s not just a pebble, it’s a pebble with-” Jaemin watched you lean over to flip the pebble in his hands around.

“A picture of Doraemon!” you exclaimed cheerfully. Jaemin stared at the small cheap sticker of Doraemon winking at him, then stared back at you with a blank expression. He bit his lip to keep himself from bursting out laughing, watching you bite back your own laughs. “You got to be joking me. Please tell me you’re joking,” Jaemin threw his head back laughing, placing the pebble on his bedsheets in front of him as he applauded and laughed at the same time.

You shook your head as you wheezed, laughing loudly as you smacked your fists against the pillow you were laying on. “Oh you WISH I was joking. Hell no, dude, you’re gonna keep a rock as a momento of my iconic existence.” you shook your head, wiping the tears from your eyes as Jaemin stared at you incredulously.

“What the hell am I suppose to do with a rock? Also what’s with the sticker? It looks like some weird omen.” Jaemin snickered, he really couldn’t stop laughing at how stupid this situation looks. You shrugged innocently, giving him a teasing grin. “The sticker adds flavor to the pebble. I couldn’t find any permanent markers to decorate it with.” you shrugged, causing Jaemin to bawl out laughing, throwing his head back.

“Remind me why I’m still friends with you?” he chuckled. You puckered up your lips gingerly, “because you just married me.” you winked, causing Jaemin to furrow his brows in confusion. “Have you been eating to many candies again, y/n?” he asked, placing the back of his palm against your forehead. You huffed, slapping his hand away, eliciting soft giggles from your best friend.

“You accepted my gift, that means we’re married!”

“How so? What kind of weird nonsense have you discovered this time?”

“Hush, this is actually a really cute fact.”

Jaemin sighed, nodding his head as he gestured you to continue on. You grinned gingerly, “Did you know that when penguins propose to their mates, they give their mates a pebble? Like some sort of wedding ring!”

There was a pregnant pause. Jaemin just giving you an incredulous smile, his cheeks flushed pink as he wonders how adorable this moment could possibly get. “Is this your way of saying you want to marry me or is this your way of calling me short?” Jaemin teased, his sweet wide smile never leaving his face as he leaned over towards you.

You raised your brows in surprise, a bright pink tint appearing on the soft skin of your cheeks. “Welp, this clearly backfired.” you muttered under your breath, causing Jaemin to let out an amused laugh. “What were you even trying to do here?” he exclaimed, stretching his arm out to gingerly pinch both of your pink cheeks as you whined out in embarrassment.

“I just want to pull a little harmless prank to make you blush. I clearly didn’t think this through.” you said, gripping his wrist as you try to pry his hands off of your cheeks. Jaemin giggled, his heart fluttering. “You’re getting weirder day by day.” He mumbled to himself, shaking his head profusely at you.

“Shut up, I thought it was cute and funny at the same time.”

“Would you marry me though?”

“What?”

Jaemin gulped, shaking his head when he realised he said that out loud. “Would you marry me though if we had the chance?” he asked shyly, rubbing the back of his neck shyly with a bashful smile. You leaned your head to the side, pondering for a small moment, attempting to ignore the heat rushing through your cheeks. “Would you?” you mused, chuckling at your best friend who just gave you a dopey grin.

Jaemin shrugged, “I don’t see why not. It’s better than marrying someone you met because of a stupid birthmark.” he smiled innocently. You rolled your eyes at this. “Your resentment towards the soulmate system will always be an unattractive point. I hate to be the person who blows a candle, only to have the same lame soulmate mark as you.” you joked, causing Jaemin to smack you with the pillow beside him.

“Rude!” he exclaimed with a laugh. “What if you were that unfortunate soul?” he asked with a giggle, causing you to frown. “Well screw that, I’ll peel the damn mark off of my skin.” you shot back, giggling in between words as Jaemin pouted at your words, pursing his lips in response. “Wouldn’t that be ironic, though? We’ve been friends since diapers, I’d be damned if I have to spend the rest of my life with you.” you commented.

Jaemin stopped laughing, leaning back on his arms as he took a moment to think about it. “But wouldn’t it be better that way though? Like, you wouldn’t have to go through that awkward introduction phase when we could just move on to the honeymoon phase.”

You scoffed. “I’d rather barf in my cereal.”

You let out a loud ‘oof’ when Jaemin tackled you against the sheets to smack you with his pillow repeatedly.

Jaemin chuckled to himself at the memory, smiling sadly at how ironic yet cliche this whole ordeal was. He walked over to his desk, picking up the pebble from the space in between his books and stationary. He tossed the pebble in the air, catching it in his other hand. His eyes pausing at the old Doraemon sticker on the pebble, half of Doraemon’s face had disappeared. (Jaemin’s weird desires to peel things off had kicked it when he was tossing around the pebble in boredom)

His thumb glazed over the sticker, causing it to fall off of the pebble and to the carpet floor. “Shit!” Jaemin cursed, kneeling down to find the Doraemon sticker. ‘Y/N’s gonna kill me,’ he thought to himself with a chuckle as he picked up the sticker, it took him a few seconds for him to realize that you two weren’t friends anymore. ‘Right, she probably doesn’t care about some stupid sticker anymore.’ he frowned, sighing heavily.

He gently placed the sticker back on the pebble despite the fact that it couldn’t stick anymore, placing the pebble back on his desk as he stood back up on his feet, He looks back down when he felt his wallet slip out of the pocket of his jacket when he stood up. His heavy heart weighing down on him when he looks down at his wallet.

His wallet had fallen open, revealing the photo of you two when you were still kids slipped into the transparent pocket of his wallet. Jaemin picked up his wallet in between his fingers, his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach as he collapsed back on the mattress of his bed. He tucked his arm under his head as he turned over to his side, never keeping his eyes off of the picture in his wallet.

The picture was slightly blurry. Baby Jaemin was attacking you with his latest transformers action figure, his lips puckered to make dramatic sound effects. Baby you had your face scrunched in laughter, a hand outstretched to shove him away by his shoulder. You had a barbie doll in your free hand, protecting your barbie from his transformers figure.

Baby Jaemin’s cap was floating in mid air, having been knocked off of his head when you threw your doll’s hairbrush at the perfect moment. The one who took the picture was your grandmother, who truly believed that you two were soulmates since the dawn of time. Jaemin’s frown deepened at the thought of your beloved grandma. How she would use any given time to take at least one picture of the two of you together. How she would walk in the middle of your play time to five you two some cookies or treats she made.

“Grandma, what’s a soulmate?” you asked in the middle of your play date with Jaemin. Your grandma smiled simply, sighing as she leaned her cheek against her palm. “Soulmate, huh?” she repeated as Jaemin sat beside you in front of her with a cookie in his between hands. “A soulmate is like..” your grandmother paused, eyeing the two of you as you sat side by side with cookies in your hands as you obediently listened to your grandmother’s words.

“To me, a soulmate is like a best friend. It’s the one person who knows you better than anyone else.” she explained briefly. “More than your own family?” Jaemin asked, chewing in between words, causing your grandma to chuckle. “Almost more than your own family,” she winked, grabbing a cookie of her own out of the container filled with chocolate chip cookies.

“It’s also someone who makes you a better person in life, because most of the times, they inspire you to be a better person. A soulmate is someone you can carry with you forever.”

“Forever? Wouldn’t they get bored?” You asked with an innocent tilt of your head. Your grandmother smiled briefly, “well, would you get bored of playing with Jaemin, Y/n?” she asked, causing the both of you to look at each other. You shook your head with a bright smile, “never! Jaemin is my best friend!” you exclaimed, causing Jaemin to let out a loud cheer. “And y/n is mine!” he exclaimed, wrapping his tiny arms around your figure as he gingerly pressed his cheek against yours, causing you to giggle.

“That’s good. Though, a soulmate will always support you and believe in you. They will stay by your side no matter what. They’ll always be there to make you smile.” your grandmother explained. “Does that mean a soulmate is someone who can make you happy all the time?” y/n asked, eliciting a soft chuckle from your grandma who just nodded simply.

“Exactly my dear!” she exclaimed. “Gross,” Jaemin teased, scrunching his face in disgust at the thought. Your grandma chuckled, leaning down to fondly ruffle Jaemin’s hair. “Jae, you shouldn’t say things like that. I’m sure you’ll understand and change your mind when you’re older and more mature.” she spoke gently, making Jaemin scoff lightly, crossing his arms stubbornly.

“No I won’t! Just you watch, Grandma! I’m not going to have a soulmate when I grow up!” he exclaimed with a huff. You giggled as you hugged your barbie doll to your chest, “well I do! It sounds like a forever friend!”

Jaemin raised a brow at you, tilting his head in confusion. “A forever friend?” he asked. You nodded eagerly, pulling your barbie doll away from your chest to play with it’s bendable arms as you continued to explain. “A friend that’s going to be with you forever and ever like Mr. Snuggles!” you exclaimed, pointing at the big teddy bear leaning against Jaemin’s power ranger action figure.

“I wish I could meet my soulmate now!” you exclaimed with a bright giggle. “I’m sure they’ll be the nicest person ever!”

At this point, Jaemin couldn’t hold back his tears. His heart aching like never before, but this time he didn’t bother grabbing the bottle of pain killers near him. He puts his wallet on his nightstand as he sniffled, his heart overwhelmed with different emotions all at one. Guilt. Anger. Regret.

Jaemin furiously wiped the tears from his face, his frustration growing by the second. “Fuck!” he cried out, sobs coming out of his throat as tears continuously cascade down his cheeks. He turned over to his stomach, burying his face in the soft fabric to muffle his cries and sobs.

They say karma hits back at the best of times. It was no different with Na Jaemin. Like what your grandma had said, he’d change his mind of his perception of this whole soulmate system. There was no point in fighting against fate. How could he be so selfish as to let the people he cared about get hurt? How could he be so foolish to take your kindness for granted?

Jaemin’s eyes screw shut tightly, trying to stop the flashbacks going through his head. He knew he couldn’t stop the nostalgic memories from flooding through his mind. After all, you two shared every moment of your lives with each other that it would be preposterous for the world to not make you two soulmates. This is what he wanted right? He wanted you to go away.

Now, he just wanted his best friend back. He wanted you to give him cookies again every week. He wanted you to sit next to him during every class you had together and make weird jokes or express abstract opinions of a certain topic. He missed those times when you two would go to the arcade to get the biggest stuffed animal in all the crane games you could find and play some Mario Kart afterwards.

He missed how you would sneakily wear his hoodie in the middle of class because you ‘were cold’ or ‘forgot to bring yours’. He missed blasting music loudly from his car radio as he drives you both to school, headbanging aggressively to the beat of whatever song was playing on the radio. The way you would comfort him by buying him desserts or cookies from the nearest bakery whenever he received a scolding from Coach or the former Team Captain.

Jaemin paused, remembering your bright smile when you stood in front of Renjun. That genuine smile you always used whenever he was in your line of vision. He sighed at the vivid memory, He moved so he was laying on his back, sniffling back his tears as his mind spun even more as he couldn’t help but think that maybe Donghyuck was right.

Whenever he was a jerk, Renjun was always there to comfort you. He was always there to help you whenever you were on the brink of failing a certain subject while Jaemin would always ditch you for practice or to hang out with Jeno and Haechan. Maybe it would be better if Renjun was your soulmate instead of Jaemin.

He’ll make you way more happier than he ever could. Jaemin’s heart clenched against his chest at the thought of you being in a romantic relationship with someone else. Though, who was he to complain if you and Renjun were secretly into each other? He knew it was very unlikely for a someone to fall for someone else that’s not their soulmate, but it wasn’t completely impossible for one to do so.

All that you ever wanted was to have someone by your side for the rest of your life to make you smile when you’re at your worst. Jaemin couldn’t even do that back when he broke your music box. What was the point in asking you to forgive him now if you wouldn’t even look him in the eyes without giving him an expression equivalent to what an injured puppy would at their owner?

You deserved someone like Renjun.

Maybe Hyuck was right. You were cursed to be born with a soulmate like him. You were cursed to have the same stupid tattoo as he did on your wrist. You didn’t deserve to suffer that much emotional pain for such a long time for his sake. You didn’t deserve all the pain he put you through. And he knew he didn’t deserve to have you in his life.

Jaemin spent the rest of his day crying his eyes out. Finally letting out the pent up emotions that his actions had caused him, letting his heart scream out in pain as it tries to release the tension that came with longing for the feeling of holding your delicate heart in the palms of his hands. At that single moment, he never wished for anything so bad as he did when he wished he could start this whole soulmate ordeal over again.

T A G L I S T : @candiednickles @itlittlefangirl @cherrym4rk @gotoartistprofile @d-nghyck @kingjvngins @aconeptun @chaeshii @lixseu @morks-watermelon @12am-musings @cherrystay @lowkeyviv @btm-taeyong @gothmingguk @luvlyjaemin @cowward @smileyyuta @cakelyn @uncovermenow666 @comically-sleep-deprived @wtfhaechan

Taglist is o p e n e d !

Do please inform me if you changed your username. Send me an ask, dm me or comment if you wanted to be added to the taglist!

#NCT-WRITERS #na jaemin #nct dream #jaemin x reader #nct dream jaemin x reader #nct x reader #nct dream x reader #nct u x reader #nct dream na jaemin x reader #na jaemin x reader #nct 127 x reader #nct x you #nct

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sssrha · 4 years ago

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WangXian wouldn’t have been very functional pre-Wei Wuxian’s resurrection

So I was talking to @litescheme on Twitter and I decided to pour my heart out about how I hated the general fandom consensus that Wei Wuxian going to Gusu when Lan Wangji asked him to would have solved all of his problems, primarily because the idea of just straight up going to Gusu is incredibly flawed. Lo and behold, they agreed wholeheartedly. We had a great discussion and now I’m here to relay the discussion onto Tumblr in essay form uwu.

(By the way, this is based mostly on CQL with a good bit of novel added in, as well as a few hints of the donghua.)

Part One: “Come back to Gusu!” is a great romantic notion but a terrible plan of action.

First of all, one must ask the question: what on Earth was Lan Wangji’s game plan with the whole “Come back to Gusu!” thing? I think we can all agree that most of the Lan Sect hated Wei Wuxian - by the end, at least. Lan Xichen certainly had less than charitable feelings toward him. With such a hostile environment, the only way I can see Wei Wuxian surviving within the Sect is while being forced into a Madam Lan-type situation. I find that prospect more reminiscent of a horror movie than a heartwarming fic about healing.

Luckily for us, we can safely say that canon Lan Wangji would not have done that! Due to certain childhood trauma, Lan Wangji definitely would not have forced Wei Wuxian to do anything, go anywhere, or stay anywhere that he didn’t want to. That isn’t even touching on how much Lan Wangji genuinely wanted Wei Wuxian to be happy, and forcing Wei Wuxian to do anything had generally been proven to not make him happy. Good on him!

The next point: why would Wei Wuxian have gone to Gusu in the first place? Even while ignoring WangXian’s rampant misunderstandings, Wei Wuxian always actively had a reason to not go to Gusu. During the Sunshot Campaign, he was a major player and commanded a huge amount of power that probably aided the Sects greatly. During his stay in the Burial Mounds, he had a community of war prisoners to protect. How could he go to Gusu?

I’ve seen fics where Lan Wangji ensured the safety of the Wen Remnants, and while I absolutely adore the trope, I really don’t see that happening with canon Lan Wangji. First, I don’t think he’d grown as a person enough to fully rebel against his Sect until Wei Wuxian was in immediate danger, and second, I straight up don’t think that he had the sway to. Pulling that kind of stunt implies a good deal of political power within the Sect...and also implies that Lan Wangji would have had enough power to escape a punishment which he clearly never thought he deserved. However, I could be wrong on this point! Politics has never been my forte.

Also, I don’t think anyone can bank on the Lan Sect accepting the Wen Remnants. After all, the Lan Sect participated in the First Siege of the Burial Mounds and thus, presumably, also the slaughter of the Wen Remnants.

Upon further reflection, I figured that the only time Wei Wuxian might have actually gone to Gusu was that brief period of time after the Sunshot Campaign and before he met Wen Qing. However, for him to agree, I figured that three things had to happen:

Wei Wuxian had to understand that Lan Wangji wanted to help him, not hurt him.

Wei Wuxian had to come to the (false!) conclusion that Jiang Cheng no longer needed his help or support at Lotus Pier.

Wei Wuxian had to accept that he was worth saving in the first place.

(The concept came pre-set with some delicious Yunmeng Bros angst because Jiang Cheng would almost certainly take Wei Wuxian (permanently) going to Gusu the same way he took Wei Wuxian taking the Wen Remnants to the Burial Mounds: a betrayal, a promise broken. Emotionally, of course. There definitely wouldn’t have been political pressure closing in from all sides the way there was in canon.)

I was going to expand on that concept, but then I hit a bit of a hurdle: I genuinely did not, and still do not, see any reason for Wei Wuxian to actually go to Gusu. At that point, Wei Wuxian was doing everything he felt he needed to: he protected Jiang Cheng because Madam Yu told him to (and because he genuinely cared for him, but Madam Yu’s command was his driving force) and he only left Jiang Cheng when Wen Qing - someone he perceived himself owing a greater debt to due to the golden core removal - came along. When looking at it from that regard, I don’t think Wei Wuxian would ever see a reason to go to Gusu.

So, even after clearing up the miscommunication, Lan Wangji would have to present a good reason for Wei Wuxian to listen to him.

I don’t think Lan Wangji going up to Wei Wuxian and saying, “Please come back to Gusu, I want to protect you,” would have worked. Considering how prideful Wei Wuxian was back then - with a good bit of it justified when you consider the fact that he killed a large amount of people in a single night during the Pledge Conference (though the exact number is never actually confirmed as far as I remember) - I don’t see Wei Wuxian taking the implication that he needs protection very well. No matter how many good intentions Lan Wangji had, he would have ended up offending Wei Wuxian at that point.

Another route Lan Wangji could have taken: “Please come back to Gusu, I want to play Cleansing for you.” Again, I don’t think this would have worked. (At least, that was definitely his stance in CQL and Wei Wuxian still didn’t do anything.) In Chapter 78, Wei Wuxian mentioned that the Sound of Lucidity had no effect on him. The Sound of Lucidity is, presumably, one of the Song(s) of Clarity, of which Cleansing is the most powerful. Lan Wangji used the Sound of Lucidity at the Pledge Conference after the battle had started. I don’t exactly know why he didn’t use Cleansing when it was more powerful... Either way, after he played the Sound of Lucidity, Wei Wuxian said, “You should’ve known since long ago—Sound of Lucidity is useless to me!” Thus, Lan Wangji asking him to go to Gusu so he could play Cleansing probably wouldn’t have seemed like an especially compelling reason to Wei Wuxian.

After some thought, I figured that post-resurrection, Wei Wuxian agreed to stay with Lan Wangji in the Cloud Recesses after the mystery was solved because:

He was not as prideful as pre-death Wei Wuxian.

He saw no reason to go back to Lotus Pier since Jiang Cheng made it very clear that he was unhappy with him.

He managed to process and confess his feeling to Lan Wangji, who did the same.

Pre-death Wei Wuxian has none of this. Basically, Wei Wuxian at that point had no reason to go to Gusu for anything other than a short visit.

Now, I don’t know if any of you have noticed, but this entire time I’ve been ignoring not only the reality that Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s relationship pre-death was...very bad, but also something else very important: the Stygian Tiger Seal.

The Stygian Tiger Seal was, of course, stupidly powerful, and Wei Wuxian only kept it because it would take too much time and energy to destroy, and it was meant to deter anyone from attacking him since he already knew that so many people were against him. One of his main fears was someone else - someone with impure motives - getting their hands on it, so of course he was paranoid wondering who would try to steal it from him. Lan Wangji asking him to go to a place where Wei Wuxian would be surrounded by people who hated his form of cultivation? Yeah, that didn’t sound that great.

(Also, can we please take a moment to appreciate this excerpt from the novel: “The Stygian Tiger Seal’s powers were considerably greater than what he had imagined. He originally wanted to use it to assist him, but its powers were almost exceeding him, its creator” (Chapter 30). Almost. He said the Seal was not as powerful as him! The Stygian Tiger Seal was, indeed, strong, but he was more so! I see a lot of fanfics paint the Stygian Tiger Seal as what made him so terrifying and...it was certainly a part of it, but he did most of it on his own! Ah, we love terrifying main characters~)

Now, I’ve acknowledged the existence of WangXian’s miscommunication, but I’ve never actually addressed it. So, here it is: I do not think Lan Wangji confessing to Wei Wuxian (even before his stint in the Burial Mounds after the Bloodbath at Nevernight) would have gone well. In Chapter 2, there is this excerpt: “Wei WuXian’s eyebrows twitched. Not only a lunatic, a homosexual lunatic as well.” This requires a bit of interpretation because it’s not exactly clear what Wei Wuxian’s eyebrow twitch means, but I’ve always interpreted it as annoyance - or even disgust - at the addition of “homosexual” to Mo Xuanyu’s profile. I’m not saying that Wei Wuxian was necessarily homophobic before the entire events of the novel, but I sincerely don’t think Wei Wuxian would have appreciated Lan Wangji - or any other man, for that matter - confessing to him. If even (immediate) post-resurrection Wei Wuxian had that attitude, I can imagine what would have gone through pre-death Wei Wuxian’s head.

So, Sunshot Campaign, post-Sunshot Campaign, and Yiling Patriarch Wei Wuxian would all definitely not go back to Gusu, nor would they appreciate a confession from Lan Wangji. That leaves the question: what about pre-Sunshot Campaign Wei Wuxian?

Part Two: Why I really don’t think WangXian would have worked out pre-Sunshot Campaign.

From here on out, “Wei Ying, come back to Gusu!” is no longer relevant because, well, Lan Wangji never said it before the meeting in the supervisory office. (And I think I’ve made my point regarding that as well as I could.)

Starting with Cloud Recesses-era Wei Wuxian...I think that, out of all the different versions of Wei Wuxian, he would have been the one of the two most-likely to get together with Lan Wangji (pre-resurrection, of course). Even then, I don’t see that high a likelihood of that actually happening. Why? Repression! Fuck both Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were so deeply repressed at that point! Lan Wangji was obviously more aware of his feelings, and Wei Wuxian...I don’t know, I haven’t read the novel far enough to actually have this be a legitimate interpretation, but looking at CQL, I don’t really think Wei Wuxian was in love with Lan Wangji at that point (but I don’t have much evidence to back that up other than my a-spec radar...).

And even if they did somehow manage to overcome their repression - and actually both had feelings for each other in the first place - they were still teenagers! Fifteen at the beginning, I’m pretty sure, and fifteen-year-olds are decidedly bad at maintaining any sort of relationship. That doesn’t even touch on the fact that WangXian was probably legitimately incompatible at that point. Lan Wangji still lived and breathed the rules and Wei Wuxian didn’t give a fuck about them. To maintain any sort of long-term relationship, they’d have to simultaneously undergo a whole novel of character development...which is doable! But! I don’t exactly see it as plausible.

Then, of course, Wei Wuxian got kicked out of the Cloud Recesses and WangXian didn’t see each other until two years later, at the Discussion Conference in Qishan. I don’t really see long-distance relationships working out very well in ancient China, so I can’t imagine them properly maintaining their relationship throughout that. And, of course, Lan Wangji’s rage after Wei Wuxian pulls his forehead ribbon was also due to his repression. Considering how short the Discussion Conference seemed to be, I don’t think there was much room for a relationship to develop.

At the Indoctrination Camp, Lan Wangji had a whole swarm of things to worry about other than his (frankly painful) pining for Wei Wuxian so, again, I don’t see a romantic relationship developing at that point in time.

A time-frame that I think can be uniquely isolated as a very possible place to develop their relationship would be while they were trapped in the cave with the Tortoise of Slaughter. Mostly before they killed the beast, though, since afterward, Wei Wuxian had too much of a fever for any romantic shenaniganry. My reasoning is that the cave was the first time since Wei Wuxian’s punishment in the Cloud Recesses that the two of them were forced to spend a long stretch of time together, and thus could potentially open up to each other. I remember in the anime that Lan Wangji sheds a few tears as he mentions that the Cloud Recesses had burned, that his brother was missing, and that his father was...dead? Severely injured? One of those two. He was back in business-mode pretty soon afterward, but if Lan Wangji could have been persuaded to open up a bit more by an persistent and concerned Wei Wuxian, I can see a slow confession being teased out of him - there was certainly enough time!

Then again, them getting together would only happen if Wei Wuxian were both comfortable with the idea of gay men and willing to accept that he was, in fact, attracted to Lan Wangji, and if Lan Wangji were willing to let go of the rules enough to be comfortable with Wei Wuxian’s naturally rebellious nature.

After that, WangXian doesn’t meet again until the supervisory office, and I’ve already talked about all of that.

In conclusion, “Come back to Gusu!” was sweet but misguided and WangXian wouldn’t have effectively happened pre-resurrection.

Now, what does that mean for you? ...Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. This doesn’t mean I’m forsaking all fics where WangXian gets together pre-resurrection (in fact, I absolutely love them!) and I’m definitely not trying to say that my interpretation is the only right one. I’m not trying to police what everyone thinks and decree that all fics where Wei Wuxian is open about liking men are wrong or any crap like that. Those fics are great and I love them! These are my (and @litescheme’s) thoughts on the matter that I (we) wanted to spill out into the greater world! You can agree, you can disagree, you can ignore me (us) entirely! But if you read through this meta, then I’m assuming that you found the concept interesting. That is all I was going for!

(Well, that and trying to thoroughly debunk the notion that Yiling Patriarch Wei Wuxian getting shoved into seclusion in the Jingshi by an apologetic Lan Wangji would be in any way “healing” or even “good” for Wei Wuxian, because honestly? Fuck that.)

Ahh, thanks for reading!

#is this a hot take?#you bet ya #do i care?#not anymore #litescheme i hope this lived up to your expectations ;-;#wei wuxian #lan wangji #wangxian #mdzs #mdzs meta #wwx #lwj #wei ying #lan zhan #feel free to ignore if you disagree!!!#i'm not gonna force you to read it

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calamity-bean · 4 years ago

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16 new horror films i’ve watched at random lately just cause i’ve been in the mood for horror

Been thinking about horror today, and fun fact, I’ve actually been fairly DEVOURING horror films of late! Sixteen new ones in the past couple weeks, in fact, according to the little list I’ve been keeping! New to me, that is, though they do all happen to be very recent releases (2016 at earliest). Horror is a genre with which I often like to pull up Netflix or Hulu and just pick at random some film I’ve never heard of and don’t know the first thing about; I feel like it’s a genre that depends so much on personal taste and that encompasses such a wide variety of tropes and approaches that I never entirely know whether I’ll like a particular film until I try it. It’s a gamble, sure, and sometimes it’s a dull or infuriating couple hours... But I love horror in general, and I feel like it’s a genre in which even terrible films often stir my imagination with the potential of their premise if not the brilliance of their execution. And you do find those hidden gems.

Anyway, since I love to hear myself talk, I thought I’d share my quick impressions of the ones I’ve watched lately, in case any of you are also in the mood to stream something new! These are (almost) all currently on Netflix or Hulu, so have at it. No specific spoilers; mostly just whether I liked it or not and why. I added a few content warnings where I remembered any elements that, to me, went beyond genre-standard levels of content or involved specific common triggers, but, I mean, they’re all horror films, so do your due diligence if necessary and do expect some level of violent or disturbing content in all of them.

The sixteen films in question are: Sweetheart (2019); The Lodge (2019); Mercy Black (2019); What Keeps You Alive (2018); Cold Skin (2017); The Golem (2018); Rattlesnake (2019); We Summon the Darkness (2019); The Wretched (2019); They Come Knocking (2019); Pyewacket (2017); The Other Lamb (2019); The Silence (2019); Body at Brighton Rock (2019); Under the Shadow (2016); and Seven in Heaven (2018).

Brief descriptions and impressions and such under the cut!

Sweetheart: Survival/monster horror about a young woman who, after the boat she and her friends were on goes down in a storm, washes up alone on an uninhabited island… and then realizes she’s not entirely alone. Quite liked this one! Like almost any horror movie, it suffers from the fact that monsters are almost ALWAYS far scarier (and far less cheesy) before you actually see their CGI rendering chasing the protag, but that’s typical, we’re used to that. The protagonist is smart and capable, and the actress (Kiersey Clemons) has to carry so much of the film solo and often with very sparse dialogue. Warning for mutilated and decomposing corpses.

The Lodge: A woman who as a child was the only survivor of a cult winds up stranded with her new fiance’s two children in a remote, snowbound lodge. This one was pretty dark! I love themes of cold, isolation, and losing connection with reality, and I think the whole cast does a great job; the acting and production are overall high quality. Not sure it captured my imagination enough for a rewatch, but I did enjoy watching it. My fellow Barkskins fans will notice a few glimpses of our own Renardette. Warnings for onscreen suicide, pet death, and psychiatric/medical manipulation.

Mercy Black: A young woman returns home fifteen years after, in her childhood, being involved in a disturbing act of violence inspired by an urban legend called Mercy Black. I like the concept behind this one, in terms of the urban legend, the protagonist’s relationship with it; I liked the overall film okay, but I found certain aspects a bit cliche or thinly sketched. Standard supernatural horror levels of violence and spookiness, imo.

What Keeps You Alive: For their one-year anniversary, a young couple vacation to a remote house in the woods, where the protagonist begins to learn some strange things about her wife. I really enjoyed this one. It might be my favorite on this list, and certainly one of the ones I’m more likely to watch again. It’s well structured, well made, with a strong, compact cast, and it’s gotten the song “Bloodlet” stuck in my head for weeks. However, you will probably not enjoy this one if, as I know is the case for some people, you would rather not consume content that depicts LGBT relationships that are unhealthy or LGBT characters who are villainous. I get where you’re coming from, but it means this one probably isn’t for you. It also isn’t for you if you would rather not see some quite brutal injuries.

Cold Skin: Okay, this is the only one that wasn’t actually on streaming, I checked this out from my local library. Set in 1914, a young man takes a post as a meteorologist on a remote island in the South Atlantic, inhabited only by the unfriendly lighthouse keeper… and the creatures that crawl onto shore at night. Gosh… How do I feel about this one? There are aspects that are cheesy, effects that don’t entirely hold up. But I liked it. I like the idea of it, and I like the themes of isolation and connection, and I like the protagonist and overall I think it’s a solid and interesting narrative. Sort of… The Terror meets Lovecraft. Warning for offscreen (but audible, and almost visible) sexual assault.

The Golem: Set in the late 17th century in a rural Lithuanian shtetl, a woman creates a golem to protect her community from the threats of Christians who blame her people for the plague. Thematically, this one centers largely around motherhood, which I think makes sense with how it’s done here, and I always like the supernatural elements of a horror film to have a very strong, personal thematic link with the protagonist’s emotional character arc. Stars Maman Brigitte from American Gods! Warning for mentions of miscarriage and themes of child death.

Rattlesnake: After a mishap on a remote highway, a woman unknowingly makes a deal with the devil in order to save her young daughter’s life. I liked this one as well; I found the protagonist enjoyable, the overall concept straightforward but engaging, and the hot, arid, rural setting — I think it’s supposed to be around Palo Duro? — an effective backdrop. Not spooky-scary, but nice tension throughout.

We Summon the Darkness: Set in the 80s, three girls travel to a heavy metal concert despite the string of recent killings apparently committed by a Satanic cult. This one is basically a slasher flick — with a twist, yeah, but essentially the slasher model of teens plus extensive violence — and I think it’s a pretty decent one. And I liked the hair and costumes, ahaha.

The Wretched: A teenage boy becomes convinced that his new neighbor has been possessed by something evil. I like the narrative and the characters in this one okay, but where I really have to give it props is in the overall visual presentation of the supernatural threats; it’s able to lean into uncanniness and human body horror that work well on film rather than presenting a creature created wholecloth (which, as I mentioned earlier, often doesn’t work super well).

They Come Knocking: On a drive into the middle of nowhere, a father and his two daughters hear something knocking on their caravan at night, asking to be let in. Okay, so… this one is a black-eyed children story (with a setup reminiscent of ye olde Anansi’s Goatman, too, in a way), and I have to admit that black-eyed children are one of those tropes that doesn’t work for me even as a creepypasta, it just strikes me as lame and dumb. And I did find the actual children in this film to be, well, cheesy and dumb-looking. But the human side of the narrative — the characters and their relationships and emotional aspects — is actually pretty well done! So I found it engaging enough in that regard.

Pyewacket: A teenage girl who has a difficult relationship with her mother lashes out by trying to summon a demon to kill her, only to regret the ritual right away. I think this one was well done, too, pretty dark, with a spooky forest setting and some genuinely creepy glimpses of the supernatural threat. I am also delighted to discover that Pyewacket is actually the name of a familiar spirit according to the confession of an accused witch in the 17th century. (Not delighted by the fact that this poor 17th century woman was tortured for being an alleged witch, but delighted that there’s a little historical inspo here.) Warning for a fairly graphic death by burning.

The Other Lamb: This one is not horror as in “scary” but horror as in thematically disturbing and a little eerie. A young girl who’s been raised in a cult — all female except for their leader, to whom all the members are either wives or daughters — begins to question her faith. Slow, quiet, and a bit surreal, with some slightly feral-woman themes that are up my alley; I think I enjoyed it? The cast is quite good, especially the protagonist (Raffey Cassidy) and cult leader (Michiel Huisman with, I gotta say, some truly lovely hair). Warning for onscreen but nongraphic (as in, clothed and not showing anything below the neck) sexual assault of a minor.

The Silence: A deaf teenager and her family struggle to survive amidst an apocalypse of deadly monsters that attack based on sound. No, I’m not talking about A Quiet Place. I do feel a bit sorry for this film, because I know that it was conceived of and began production well before A Quiet Place came out, only to essentially be doomed by its striking similarity to such a successful film… And honestly, it’s not as good as A Quiet Place; it’s cheesier, there are more plot and character holes, the ultimate main threat feels disconnected from the premise, and the core theme/character arcs aren’t as cohesive. But it’s not TERRIBLE. It’s more of a B-movie-esque monster/disaster flick, is all. And I like Stanley Tucci, so at least he’s always fun to watch.

Body at Brighton Rock: An inexperienced parks employee gets lost in the backcountry and has to spend the night watching over a (possibly murdered) body she stumbles across while awaiting rescue. This one… hm. It’s like, I didn’t hate it? But it was frustrating. It reused the same scares / fake-outs multiple times, and even by horror movie standards the protagonist was maddeningly careless. I think it was all the more disappointing because I do like the setting and premise but felt it could’ve been better.

Under the Shadow: In 1980s Tehran, during the air raids and missile strikes of the War of the Cities, a woman begins to fear something evil is stalking her young daughter through their emptying apartment building. This is another top fave, and I think overall the most well constructed film on this list in an objective sense. Strong narrative, strong characters and acting, a really great atmosphere of claustrophobia and tension and dread, and an interesting and effective setting. Would absolutely watch again.

Seven in Heaven: At a house party, two teenagers enter a closet as part of a kissing game, and they exit into a parallel universe that is similar but different in striking ways. This one was, hm… okay? I felt like it could’ve gone so much farther with the potential of alternate universes, in terms of really making them weird and interesting, and although I don’t expect a film to spell out everything for me, I just thought that the whole underlying mechanism of what was happening was left too unexplained. Also, the background characters looked like they were played by actual high school-age teens while the main characters looked like your standard Hollywood 20-something “teens,” which created kind of a weird dissonance lmao. But it was okay.

Overall, I didn’t HAAATE any of these; most were fine, some I found less engaging or more frustrating than others, and some I really enjoyed. I did start and then not finish a few more as well... I watched about 20 minutes of Black Rock (2012) before deciding I wasn’t in the mood for where it was going, and I just barely started We Are What We Are (2010) but realized I was too tired and distracted by other things to pay enough attention to subtitles at the moment. On a not strictly horror note, but it’s still thriller so we’ll toss it in, I got a ways into The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017) because that’s a helluva title and I wanted to see Barry Keoghan’s work outside Dunkirk (the only film I’d seen him in), but man, that’s a weird one huh, very slow, very odd style of dialogue. I’ll still likely finish some or all of those at some point, but I just wasn’t in the right headspace when I first tried.

Anyway, this has been me telling you what movies I’ve been watching! I’m sure you’re enthralled. And please always feel free to talk horror movies to me or send me recs!

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pochapal · 4 years ago

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I hate doctor 11 but ive never been able to explain why in like words lmao. He feels like such a mary sue character imo and like theres something about his characterisation that was always just really ineffective (like the stuff about fishfingers and custard or whatever it was). Imo i'd love to hear you give top 5 worst things about the 11 era because i rlly just love when it gets torn apart

i hold nothing but a seething contempt and loathing for that man. every time he appeared on screen i felt ready to snap like a riled up chimpanzee in my enclosure. i am frothing at the mouth and overcome with a desire to start flinging heavy objects. this might be incoherent and inconsistent but i started this rewatch in feb 2020 and only finished this week so i got through 11′s episodes last august/september time and i refuse to revisit it to jog my memory or fact check anything i’m saying here because this man does not deserve the space in my mind for that.

the first thing is i can’t fucking STAND the quirky whimsy timey wimey bit he has going on all of the time. i can’t even say this is because this is a kids show and i was a teen and then adult when i first properly watched him but actually!! when i was eleven years old i’d sleep over at a friend’s house most weekends and it always coincided with the airing of a new season 5 episode and i remember we watched the finale with the dumb time hopping to get out of the box prison that was never explained and didn’t make sense and i thought at the time “this is really stupid”. and before that my only other doctor who exposure was watching the david tennant christmas specials with another friend and throughout childhood my only opinion on doctor who was “this is a tv show that is not for me but is one that all the boys i am friends with like so i will put up with it to maintain our friendships” but at least those episodes were both suspenseful and engaging enough to keep me watching all the way through. like who the fuck does an end of the world sci fi plot and approaches it with an “oopsy woopsy i am a funny little alien man who is going to stop you all by making you do a hecking silly” like it’s unneeded and self-parodies an already cheesy show to the point where it becomes unwatchable and makes it impossible to ever take this man seriously.

next thing that downright sucks ass so badly is the stupid fucking overwritten constantly escalating plotlines. like everything from season 5 up until his regeneration at the end of season 7 is meant to be this grand interconnected cosmic plot about how...the doctor trying to bring back his planet will end the universe or something so all the top powers across all of reality tried again and again to stop him from doing that except he doesn’t know what’s going on so he keeps thwarting these people who supposedly mean good?? i mean i sure don’t fucking know what they were trying to say!! like for some reason we never get the doctor suddenly becomes this superdemon that threatens everything so these people (whoever they are) decide to, in sequence: suck him through a time rift to erase him from existence, trap him in a prison and remake a universe without him, take his companion’s baby and turn her into a perfectly trained doctor killer, form two(!!) secret societies to hunt him throughout history that are only stopped by his companion splintering herself across his personal timeline to protect him, and repeatedly cause reality collapsing events because it’s a kinder outcome for the universe than what he will do. this grand and terrible event turns out to be...he spends a few hundred years chilling by a rift that leads to his home planet and protects a few generations of children from monsters which convinces them to give him infinite regeneration power then fuck off back to their pocket universe. and it’s like!! what is the point of anything that happens in this man’s era when everything is always “the darkest moment” or whatever the fuck!! i don’t care!! we never get a compelling reason to believe this bumbling clown of a man could ever be a universal threat!! the whole thing is so dumb i hate it!!!

thing number three i hate is how the eleventh doctor is ALSO characterised as this abrasive egotistic male supergenius to the point where he becomes genuinely indistinguishable from bbc sherlock. genuinely who enjoyed seeing this guy constantly tell people their tiny human minds can’t comprehend what he’s doing and then basically just wave his magic wand to solve whatever problem each episode is facing. 2012 is the year of human sin because this fucking shitsmear character archetype somehow became both a redditor role model AND a tumblr sexyman and it’s like!! nobody is enjoying this stop making this seem cool! him saying timey wimey thing any time he does anything is frustrating and dumb and locks the viewer out of giving a fuck about anything that is happening! smartest man in the room syndrome is a disease and the eleventh doctor is terminal with it. like remember how they established river as an accomplished scientist (when she wasn’t being a child soldier or a time paradox or whatever the fuck) and every time that came up mr doctor eleven man was like “oh this thing is obvious because i’m a genius and you didn’t realise because your brain is tiny so get out of the way and let the grownups think” or that time it turned out amy had been replaced with a slime clone for half the season and the doctor chewed rory (audience surrogate) out for somehow not realising this fact we didn’t know right from the start and like. this served no purpose other than to draw into severe question why the doctor is also this super beloved magical figure implicitly trusted by all children everywhere like. mr steven moffat is totally allergic to writing and solving mysteries in his tv show and fuck you for wanting to figure things out as you go along based on the new evidence you uncover at strategic plot intervals just let this asshole man use magical thinking to reveal he knew the answer all along and you’re a fucking idiot for not also realising this thing which had no basis or precedent anywhere else in the show.

speaking of dumb things let us not forget the absolute shitshow that was minority representation in this era. i’m not even talking about the low hanging fruit of how genuinely unironically sexist amy and clara were written where each episode moffat either seemed to loathe them or was incredibly horny over them and they had no character growth or arc or fucking anything. i’m talking about how fucking shit terrible the incidental representation was. god remember how every single fucking gay person who appeared in this era was written as one incredibly fucking stupid joke and how the women were all either sexy dominatrix, feeble girl in love, or Mother (or all three in some really terrible cases) and i’m not qualified to talk about this but also how incredibly white this era was and how on two separate occasions we had monarchs reimagined as sexy girlbosses with a gun played by black women who the doctor leched over. nothing about any of this was good ESPECIALLY coming off the back of rtd who was surprisingly forward thinking for 2005 and did a really good job of positing travel with the doctor as queer allegory. in comparison moffat gave us THE MOST heterosexual shlock i’ve ever had to endure. amy and rory could have been interesting characters were they not hemmed into this domestic bickering young straight married couple bullshit that was in no way changed or altered by traveling with the doctor except for the quasi incestuous river song reveal that was dumb and bad and stupid.

the last major mega gripe i have with the series is moffat’s fucking jingoistic boner for british military aesthetics. this carried over throughout his entire tenure as showrunner but was super terrible vomit inducing in eleven’s era. the unironic admiration for ww2 britain and winston churchill is downright wretched. are you incapable of telling a second world war story outside of churchill’s london and plucky blitz fighters. shit gives me hives so badly. and then!!! that weird church owned army that features in the future that end up being bad not for the concept of what basically amounts to an imperialistic intergalactic rendition of the fucking crusades but because they’re part of the nonsense go nowhere puzzlebox narrative that says the doctor is a not good man who will do bad things to the universe :(. remember how rtd’s doctor was a freshly traumatised man hot off the war criminal press who time and time again vehemently refuses to engage in military violence, but who tragically inadvertently turns every one of his companions into soldiers in his own personal army, and he has this moment of complete horror at the realisation and it is this which causes the downward spiral that ends in 10′s regeneration. and then how there’s this cringe line about how there’s a force of people who are “the doctor’s army, always ready to fight his battles when he’s not around” or some shit and then it turns out this is actually massive literal military operation and we’re meant to celebrate this. fuck off.

bonus round because this needs to be said but i have never hated anything like i hated that fucking human tardis episode. everything about it induced violent anger in me from the sickening overindulgence of that softgoth dark whimsy helena bonham carter tim burton aesthetic to the bafflingly terrible evil carny stereotype of those junk scavengers to the overblown sudden tragic shipbait romance of human tardis and the doctor. every word out of her mouth was trite shit and the fact that the death of her body was presented as this super emotional dramatic scene despite there being no buy in or incentive to care and the fact that every single person on tumblr in 2012 ate that shit up like it was fucking gourmet. i loathe every single thing about that episode so much.

#Anonymous #hi bestie here's 1500 words of me getting mad about the worst television experience i had in my life #why the FUCK was this man tumblr's favourite back in the day. what the fuck did anyone see in any of this shit #i never want to think about dr whom ever again

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oneirataxxiaa · 4 years ago

Text

Give Us A Little Love

Request from Anon : Oof i pressed ask before i could end it. Here we go again:"Do you trust me?" "Always" "Look,a shooting star! Make a wish." "Take my hand." "Are you...blushing?" with YJ Kaldur.

Im so sorry for the wait Anon, I had some things I had to deal with. Made it long for you to make up for it! I’ve been listening to the song ‘ Give Us A Little Love ‘ by Fallulah so I kinda based the Y/N off that? used this as bit of a vent piece, Idk. Missed a prompt cause i couldn’t fit it in. Enjoy! *opens writing angst playlist*

warnings: serious angst. mentions of suicide, swearing, neglect, trust issues?

“Give us a little love, give us a little love . We never had enough, we never had enough”

***

Trouble seemed to follow her everywhere she went.

Never able to settle down, each time she felt as though she had found herself a forever home, Y/n L/n experienced something that would send her foster parents running to send her away. The daughter of an unnamed member of the League of Assassins and a civilian, the child who dealt with horrors no one should have to witness at an age such as that, Y/n learned early on to trust no one, do what's best for herself to stay alive another day.

Y/n was raised by her mother's guild until she was old enough to fight, being subjected to the terrors dealt by the League of Assassins, her childhood was disrupted. She developed little social skills beyond basic polite greetings and formal conversations. She understood the human body, not for science exams, but to know what the fastest way to kill a person was. She could fight her way out of any battle, but place her in a social situation and she would shut down. Unable to think for herself.

Y/n was fourteen when she was put into foster care, after Talia Al Gaul became pregnant with a son and there was a new heir to the league. Tossed away like a bag of trash, her mother didn't stand up for her, and her father wouldn't care for her. Pushed into the system and forgotten.

"What happened now?" Mrs Davis asked her husband. She looked tired, resting her head on her hand, her eyes half closed. Her husband of ten years shook his head.

"She punched someone, one of the upperclassmen bumped into her and she reacted by sending them across the hallway" the man was in his early forties, tired from work and stressed from the current situation.

"God, what are we going to do with her Luke? We can't home-school her, and she refuses to see a therapist! we've tried punishing her, rewarding good behaviour, doing nothing! I don't know what to do anymore" the woman sounded desperate. Her and her husband thought a good idea would be to take in a seventeen year old trouble child through fostering. Over the three months they had her, nothing quelled her radical behaviour.

Luke Davies sighed. Exhaling and rubbing a hand over his eyes with frustration. "There's nothing we can do" he paused, hating the idea that crossed his mind. "we'll have to put her back into the system. Our health and life is important as well, so, we have to take care of that" his wife nodded, looking down at her hands, tears of guilt pricking in the corners of her brown eyes, becoming heavy.

"I'll call Ruth in the morning then".

Beyond the kitchen, Y/n sat with her back against the wall, a scowl on her face as tears threatened to spill. 'emotions betray us, control them' her mothers voice rang in her ears, a memory of toddlers and nightmares and staying awake hoping and praying the monsters from the green pool wouldn't come for her. Y/n sniffed, her tears drying as she willed them to do. The teen hiked her bag further up her shoulder and took a breath, walking past the entrance to the kitchen and out the front door, ignoring the yells of her foster parents, Y/n started into a run, disappearing into the streets as dusk set in.

She didn't know when she ended up a the waters edge, but it was plenty after dark. The sun long gone and her foster parents left far behind. Y/n walked along the boardwalk, feet kicking at pebbles on the ground, sending them skipping across the concrete. Giving herself an idea, she picked up the pebbles as she walked, placing each small stone into the pocket of her jacket until she had quite the collection growing there. Further down the coast she could see a peir, stretching out over the water. That was her destination.

Voices were heard to her left, making the girl turn to see a couple whispering to each other, on dragging the other - who was laughing - towards the closed fairground further down. Y/n frowned at the freedom the two seemed to think they had, too distracted by each other to care about consequences of their actions. That was dangerous, a thrill that many couples took the chance on as far as she knew. As far as she knew, having no experience in that department anyway. The couple vanished from sight and their laughter faded into the night like a memory.

The concrete ground turned to wood, and the crunching of stones turned to occasional creaks and groans from the old wooden plants supporting the jetty. Y/n walked the length of it, reaching the end and standing still. The girl enjoyed the smell of sea salt, the crashing ambience of the waves and calls of birds gliding over the water. The moonlight seemed only to amplify the wild beauty of the ocean, making her want to stay there forever. Y/n picked a stone from her pocket, flicking it out with her wrist, it didn't even skip. Simply crashing into the water with a dissatisfying plop. The teen tried again, angling it further down and still failing to achieve the skip she wanted.

"you should bend your whole body, it helps get the right angle" Y/n jumped back, pulling a pocket knife from her jeans and flicking the blade out. Her eyes were narrowed at the person who snuck up on her out of nowhere. "its alright, I'm not planning on hurting you" raising his hands in a calming motion. Y/n didn't move. "if I was planning to, I would have done it when you didn't know I was here don't you think?" he reasoned, motioning for her to put down the weapon. A minute passed of the boy eyeing the weapon, then looking her up and down. Any movement either made sent the other into a split second panic. Seconds ticked by, and slowly, Y/n lowered the knife, tucking it back into her pocket. The boy let out a breath and walked a little closer. Now that he was out of the shadow of the buildings on the shore, Y/n could see his features clearly. A strange suit with two handles strapped on his back. Dark skin, glossy from the salt water, blonde hair in a close shaved buzz-cut, and pale turquoise eyes that looked darker in the night air.

"can i ask what you're doing out here on your own, throwing rocks into the water?" he walks closer, eventually standing beside her.

"you may not ask" she replies, taking another rock in her hand, pausing and considering the boys first words to her. Y/n bent sideways at the waist, bending her knees and swinging her arm, being sure to flick her wrist. With the added momentum and angle, the rock bounced three times of the surface of the water before sinking on the forth landing and vanishing under the waves. Content with the one victory, Y/n dug out the rest of the rocks in her pocket, holding out her full hand and dropping them into the water with a series of splashes. She watched the fall.

"A waste of rocks if you ask me" The boy said, now leaning against one of the support poles.

"I didn't"

"didn't what?"

"ask you, I didn't ask you" Y/n clarified, sitting down on the wood, watching the waves like a mesmerising swirl of hypnotising spirals, pulling her deeper in. It felt dark in her mind, dark and scary. She felt her own emotions smothering her, suffocating her and clawing to get out.

A tear fell.

Almost instantly, the boy was by her side, sitting on the wood beside her, legs hanging over the edge in the cold water. He didn't say anything, but every action he made clarified the idea that he would listen.

Y/n opened her mouth, throwing words into the wind, venting frustration, anger and confusion, her words a spiral of fear and unfamiliarity. She felt afraid, afraid she would get a proper family. It was her fault, her behaviour and actions drove these kind people away. But she could help it, couldn't stop herself from doing things that made foster parents scared to have her around them. She couldn’t control herself some times, lashing out in fear and anger to those around her. People were scared of her, avoiding her in the hallways, refusing to work with her for projects. It hurt, to be isolated, but she knew it was her fault. She closed her mouth, halting her words and looking down at the water, tears falling freely now, though there were few. She didn’t know why she was speaking to him, telling him everything that had happened. She didn’t want to

“you’re allowed to react how you have been, nobody should expect you to stay quiet through everything that happened” The boy said, crossing his legs underneath himself. Y/n stayed silent, looking out at the water. “do you feel better? letting everything out?”

She nodded, raising to her feet, Y/n kicked her foot against the ground, frowning.

“Uh- thank you-”

“Kaldur” he said.

“Thank you Kaldur” she nodded, sticking her hands in her pockets and turning on her heel to head back towards the Davis’ house. Leaving the strange boy behind her.

***

It shouldn’t have surprised her that her foster parents had called to return her. She found herself sitting in the police station, being picked up by a cop car when the Davis’ reported her as a runaway. Sitting with her head rolled back on the chair, her legs kicked out in front of her and her hands behind her head, Her mind was slow, running over scenarios in her head of what would happen to her. Would she be thrown back into the system? Would they put her out on her own? She would be eighteen in a month. Would they just throw her out on her own, to deal with what lay ahead with nowhere to turn?

Y/n looked conflicted, alone and confused. Which is what interested one of the training detectives. He was young, around eighteen or nineteen, but his connections helped jump start his dream career.

“What are you in for?” He asked. Y/n looked up. This one had dark hair and blue eyes with a spark in them that made her wonder what was going on in his head. He looked like he was planning something, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to find out exactly what it was going on in his head.

“Running away apparently” she shrugged, sitting up and crossing one leg over the other in a more comfortable position. Dick frowned, sitting himself in the chair across from her and leaning his arms on his knees. He didn’t wear a uniform like most of the officers in the station, having on a blue shirt, black cotton jacket and jeans. He looked almost casual, at home in the station among officers much older them himself. But something told Y/n he was smarter then he looked.

“Why’d you run away?”

“Why should I tell you?” Suspicion rose on her voice. Dick sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

“I’ve done the same stuff, when I first moved in with my adopted dad I ran away three times in the first week” that made Y/n laugh a little, shaking her head with amusement.

“In one week?”

“yep, was probably my best achievement at that point in my life” he grinned, “I was thirteen as well”

“Good on you” the girl nodded, picking at the corner of her shirt, pulling a thread out and watching the fabric bunch up.

“Yeah, then I settled into the house, and well, thats that I guess”. He trailed off, making Y/n frown and look down.

“Its not that easy”

“Its not, not when you don’t try” He looked like he was trying to help, but he was just pushing her further out of her comfort zone.

“I did try!” Y/n exclaimed. “I tried so hard to be a good kid, I can’t help it . . .” her outburst faded quickly and Dick got to his feet.

“I’m going to make a quick call, i’ll be back, I promise” his smile was infectious, and Y/n returned it, looking at the floor again as she ran a hand over her face and then rested her arms on her knees, an uncomfortable position, but she didn’t seem to care about it in the moment. Time passed, and Y/n seemed to be ignored by officers who walked past. The occasional person would send a smile her way but ultimately, she felt like she was on an island, in the middle of the sea of people who were judging her for being there.

“Alright, you’re all set!” Dick appeared out of nowhere, phone and keys in hand. His sudden appearance made Y/n start in surprise, looking at him with wide eyes for a second before calming down and settling again.

“What?” Y/n asked, confused, getting to her feet and following the boy as he gestured for her to follow him. They walked from the office, out into the hallway and towards the lobby room, filled with various civilians and criminals being brought in for holding.

“I, being myself, made a call to my dad, we’ve got this big house in Gotham City, and there’s heaps of room for someone to stay, even with Tim living there and Barbara dropping in from time to time” Y/n didn’t recognise any of the names he dropped, but things were starting to click in her mind. “I’m Dick Grayson by the way” and that was when it all came together in her mind.

“You’re Bruce Wayne's son!” The girl stopped walking, eyes wide in surprise. She wasn’t sure how she didn’t see it before, the man looked just like the pictures of Bruce and his kids that she had seen on the news online. He was usually pictured with Bruce, and a shorter boy with dark hair. Seeing her reaction to it, Dick took a breath and rolled his eyes. As if he had to deal with such reactions on the daily - which was probably the actual case.

“Yep, now come on, or do you want to stay here moping all day?” the boy grinned and walked out of the building. Y/n looked back at the officers, milling around the station, nothing interesting catching her eyes. Taking a breath and holding it for a moment, Y/n followed him out the door as she let said breath out.

The car park was fairly empty, considering how early in the morning it was, and that most people had just walked there to avoid traffic considering the station was central in the city of Bludhaven. Dick lead her towards a car parked on the far side. Y/n wasn’t an expert on cars, but she could tell that this was expensive - far more then she could afford - and certainly in the price range of a billionaires son.

“Can I ask where we are going?” Y/n questioned when he opened the door for her. He nodded, closing the door behind her and walking around to the drivers side of the vehicle. Closing his own door and pushing the keys into the ignition, he replied.

“I called Bruce, as I said, he’s finalising some paperwork to foster you - so we are heading to the manor in Gotham! Not too long of a drive”. Y/n stared at the dashboard in front of her with wide eyes, processing what was happening. A few hours before, she was sobbing and venting everything to some random boy on the pier, and now she was moving in with a billionaire. It was a startling change, the suddenness of it started crashing down on her. “Do you have anything you want to pick up from your old place?” Dick asked, turning the wheel to get them out onto the road, following the signs towards Gotham City.

“No” was her simple reply, tucking up her legs, Y/n positioned herself to look out the window, watching the city flash by, a swirl of bright lights and dark corners and alleys.

***

“Are you sure you’re ready to work with everyone?” Dick asked, tapping on the zeta panel, his stance was casual enough, but his eyes kept glancing towards Y/n checking up on her to make sure she was alright. Something he’d been doing since she’d moved into Wayne manor all those months ago. Y/n herself however felt nervousness curling in the base of her stomach, clutching at her chest and making her feel a little sick. Not like she was going to throw up, but it certainly wasn’t helping to steady her nerves. The girl looked towards him when he spoke, shaking her head.

“I’ll be fine Dick, I already know most of the Team anyways, i’ve known Kaldur longer then i’ve known you” Dick shook his head with a small laugh leaving his lips. A beep emitted from the panel, and their location was locked in.

“Alright, first official team mission here we come then!”

“what are you going on about, you’ve been on missions before”

“that’s not what I- you know what, no, i’m not letting you have this win” he grinned, securing his mask and walking up to the platform, Y/n following him.

“sore loser?” she asked, matching his grin and standing beside her adopted brother.

“says you” was his quick reply before they were swallowed by the bright yellow light of the zeta tube. It was always strange to travel this way, stretched across a far distance only to be snapped back into place where they had set their destination. This mixed with the feeling of unease that already settled within her system made her clutch her stomach as they reappeared in the zeta entrance to the cave the mission room sprawling out in front of them, various heroes spread out, chatting amongst themselves as if there wasn’t a serious mission about to occur. Heads raised when her and her brothers names were announced by the computer, most turned back to their conversations, but one stayed up, looking towards them, and eventually walking in their direction. Y/n heard him before she saw him.

“Nightwing said you’d be joining us” Kaldur smiled as a greeting, “Are you alright? you look like you’re going to be sick” the smile turned to a neutral expression of concern, something that seemed to appear a lot when Y/n was around. He always had an eye out on her, to make sure she was alright, make sure she was feeling her best. Y/n smiled softly.

“I’m fine, just a lot of people that I haven’t met” she replied. When Y/n first encountered the Team, she had just started vigilante work with Nightwing, and was only introduced to Artemis, Wally and Zatanna, and reintroduced to Kaldur. It was awkward for a few weeks before the two fell into a comfortable friendship. Still confiding in each other with troubles and fears, but their relationship with each other was more stable then the random meetups on the pier. They became close, usually found together when they both had free time. Y/n could confidently say that he was one of her closest friends, alongside Nightwing and Zatanna.

His expression changed, from concern to understanding, the smile returning.

“you’ll be alright, its not a big mission, just some surveillance” his words helped her a little, the nerves calming down. He rested a hand on her shoulder as perhaps some kind of reassuring act, but it sent a strange feeling through her mind.

“yeah, alright” she swallowed, looking forwards, and hoping beyond hope that the burning feeling rising to her cheeks and ears was covered by her domino mask. Unfortunately, luck didn’t seem to be on her side at that moment.

“Y/n, are you . . . blushing?” Kaldur asked, drawing her attention back to him, instead of hyper fixating on making the blush fade.

“No” she replied, glad that her training with Nightwing and Batman left her with a good control over her voice and expressions - the blush was something she had little to no control over unfortunately. She continued however, the question throwing her into a defensive reply. “Its not your business anyways”. That made her cringe at her own words and guilt crawled in her. Kaldur seemed to let out a breath, dropping his hand from her shoulders and stepping back a little.Y/n frowned at the movement. Had she offended him? Was what she said - lying - wrong? Y/n looked at the ground, fiddling now with the corner of her suits belt, her hands moving with nervous energy. Nightwing announced the mission details, explaining what each squad would be doing. He would be keeping an eye on everything from the cave, but Y/n herself was on a lookout team with Kaldur and Zatanna. Once the group split up into the teams and started heading out, Zatanna approached Y/n, smiling.

“Where’s Kaldur? I assumed he’d be with you” she looked confused, around as if Kaldur would be hiding.

“I’m not sure, he left a little while ago” Y/n turned, and Kaldur was indeed gone from where he had been standing. Zatanna lit up when she spotted him by the Zeta Tube.

“There he is, come on Y/h/n” Zatanna walked towards him, the other female following quickly behind. They were silent when travelling to their location. Even Zatanna seemed to see there was some sort of strange tension between the two heroes, though not sure where it had sprouted from. As far as Zatanna understood, the two were close friends. After arriving at the location, Kaldur spoke to Zatanna quietly for a moment, the girl nodded and Kaldur walked towards Y/n, holding his hand out.

“take my hand, please?” he asked, making Y/n frown as she couldn’t decern the tone of voice he was using. So, she took his hand and he pulled her off to the side, out of the earshot of Zatanna, who took over the job of keeping an eye out for what they were looking for.

“Do you trust me?” He asked, sitting her down on the ground and sitting across from her.

“Always” Y/n replied, quicker then she would have liked. Kaldur nodded.

“Then why don’t you tell me whats wrong? You’ve been cold lately, colder then usual, and I want to make sure you are alright, and if there is anything that I can do to help you” Y/n looked down, scratching her arm nervously. She mustn’t have been as subtle as she would have liked then. Kaldur sat up a little straighter. “I don’t mind you taking your time, but I would like to know if I can help you in any way”

“I like you” she replied. Cringing at her bluntness. He was definitely sitting up straighter now. “And I don’t know how to deal with it - and i’m sorry if I've been rude to you, or anything like that” she paused. “I’m just not sure what to do, and I don’t think i’m ready for anything serious, but i’d like to see where it goes and-” Y/n paused to take a breath. Thats when Kaldur interjected.

“Y/n, slow down a little bit please, you don’t need to explain anything to me” he smiled.

“I’m sorry”

“don’t be, you don’t need to apologise for experiencing hardships, you take your time and take steps at your own pace, and i’ll be right there beside you when you need me” He got to his feet, offering his hand to help her up.

“Sorry- uh, thank you Kaldur” she smiled, and he returned the expression.

“If you guys are done? We’ve got some movement down there” Zatanna called to them from where she was set, watching over the empty cortyard.

“We should probably get back to work” Y/n laughed nervously.

“Probably” Kaldur replied, the two walking towards Zatanna.

Some relationships aren’t sudden. They require communication between both parties, settling on what best fits them. And Y/n? She just needed time. So Kaldur would wait until she was ready.

***

THIS TOOK 10000 YEARS . HERE YOU GO

onto DCACB chapter 3

requests are open! tag list : @silverdecepticon93 @izzieg3987 @starr60

#young justice #young justice oneshot #young justice x reader #young justice headcanons #Kaldur'ahm #kaldur x reader #kaldur #aqualad x reader #aqualad #batsis #the team #oneshot #nightwing #zatanna

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peachfaeryy · 3 years ago

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Hi 🌙

It's my birthday right now. I'm 26 now.

1. What is my fondest childhood memory?

My fondest childhood memories definitely consist of the lovely people who I grew up with and derived my sense of humor/silliness from: my cousins Anna & Emily, Savannah -- my childhood best friend, and Kaleb, my eternal crush. These memories consist of them in elementary school, camp, and my grandma's house in San Antonio.

2. What is my favorite comfort food?

Probably nachos/chips/chips & queso.

3. What’s my favorite way to exercise?

Uh...DANCE.

4. Am I a morning person or a night owl?

I lean more towards night owl but I try to avoid both.

5. If I could have any superpower, what would it be?

The currency of youth.

6. Do I prefer cooking, baking, or neither?

I love both cooking and baking :) I find both extremely rewarding and cathartic.

7. Am I an introvert or an extrovert?

Ambivert strongly introvert-leaning.

8. What superhero do I find most relatable?

None, I detest all superheroes.

9. What is my favorite season of the year — and what do I love most about it?

Winter because it provides me with the most amount of physical comfort. I love sleeping in a very cold room, opening my windows with no AC on. Sitting in my car listening to music/eating with engine off. Less humidity. Food is tastier. Style is better.

10. Do I believe in the existence of angels?

Not particularly? Well, yes but I believe they have absolutely no role or effect on our world.

11. What are my favorite TV series?

American Crime Story (OJ & Versace), Fleabag, Atlanta...90 Day Fiance, Game of Thrones

12. What was the last movie I watched (or the last movie I enjoyed)?

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (let's gooOoo)

13. Am I a tidy person or a messy one?

I used to be very messy but not I'd consider myself pretty tidy. My nature is messy though.

14. Am I afraid of the dark?

Nah.

15. Am I more of a coffee person or a tea person?

Mostly coffee.

16. What talents do I possess that I’m proud of?

I don't have any natural-born talents but I suppose my ability to teach myself a new skill over time.

17. Do (or did) I like school?

I loved school and literally work at a school.

18. Did I go to the prom?

Unfortunately, yes.

19. What is my idea of a perfect date?

Definitely grabbing pizza at a nice restaurant.

20. Do I enjoy DIY or crafts?

Not at all, sounds awful, lol.

21. Do I forgive others easily?

Yes. But not so much anymore now that I'm older and more experienced. My instinct/nature is very forgiving.

22. Do I have a nickname — or did I ever have one?

None.

23. Do I have any phobias?

I'm scared of most anything anything everything...I'd say my daily fear is mistaking my razor for my toothbrush in the shower.

24. Have I ever met one of my heroes? If yes, who was it, and how did it go?

No?

25. Do I speak any other languages?

No, but I told myself I would learn Spanish before I die.

26. Have I ever traveled outside my native country?

Yes! I have been the Mexico and Ireland.

27. If money were no object, what would I want for my next birthday?

Maybe a trip to South Korea/Germany/Rhode Island

28. Have I ever been addicted to something?

Yes. But as far as substances? I'm addicted to Nsaid.

29. When I was a kid, what did I want to be when I grew up?

I wanted to be a wildlife photographer when I was a kid-kid.

30. Have I ever won something?

$75 with scratch offs

31. Have I ever narrowly escaped death (or serious injury)?

I'd say so, yes.

32. Do I prefer baths or showers?

Showers.

33. How am I feeling right now?

Changed.

34. Have I ever played any sports?

Soccer, Basketball, and cross-country

35. Do I prefer the beach or the mountains?

Beach, but I feel connected to both.

36. Do I prefer a Mac or a PC?

Uh...PC?

37. Do I prefer dogs or cats (or some other pet)?

Cats...I honestly do not like dogs at all.

38. Do I have any piercings or tattoos? Would I like to get any?

I have three tattoos: three rune, a sword, and a butterfly. All of which are on my arms.

39. Do I have kids?

Not right now.

40. Do I have siblings?

None.

41. What do I do on a typical Friday night?

Same thing I usually do: practice dance/choreo for a couple of hours. Read, cook, watch Youtube. If I’m going out, I’ll maybe grab dinner/hang with my friends. I MAY go to ~the club~ in a blue moon.

42. If I could go anywhere in the world with unlimited funds, where would I go?

SOUTH KOREA

43. What do I do to relax?

Shower, listen to music. Do my makeup for fun.

44. What do I do to wake up or boost my energy levels?

Blast Stray Kids

45. Would I rather have unlimited energy or unlimited money?

Unlimited money

46. Am I a collector of anything? If yes, how big is my collection?

I collect Kpop bullshit...(albums, photo cards, posters, etc.) essentially merch from my favorite artists.

47. What sort of gift would I want from my significant other on Valentine’s Day or on my birthday?

JUST flowers. All I care about it getting flowers on both of those days.

48. Which would I rather avoid — excess heat or extreme cold?

Excess heat.

49. Would movie genre would I rather watch: action, romance, fantasy, or horror?

Of those choices: horror. I also like a solid journey story.

50. Have I ever been on a diet? If yes, how did it go?

More like a mini eating disorder, lol? I went through phases where I only consumed 1500 calories.

51. If I could live anywhere for a month with whomever I choose, where would that be?

Greece with I suppose...someone I get along with.

52. Have I ever gone camping? Or do you look at a tent and think, “I feel like that’s the wonton wrapper, and I’m the filling.”

Yes, several times. I actually thoroughly enjoy camping.

53. What’s the last song I listened to?

Ribs -- Lorde

54. What’s my current obsession, and how much have I spent on it?

Anything kpop...hours. I’m talking hours and hours.

55. What’s a favorite book of mine?

We Need to Talk About Kevin

56. What should I be doing right now?

Sleeping.

57. What’s my best feature?

Physically? Boobs.

Personality? I would say kindness but that’s basic. Witty? Self-discipline.

58. What’s the most expensive article of clothing (or shoes) that I own?

Damn...shoes...? $100?

59. What is one thing I could not live without?

Music. My one coping mechanism and literally the reason I’m alive and functional.

60. What’s one thing I can’t leave the house without (other than keys and my wallet)?

Phone... BC packet?

61. What’s one of my pet peeves?

Slow walkers

62. What wild animal would I love to have for a pet (as long as it didn’t eat anyone)?

Maybe like...a toucan?

63. What’s my favorite drink?

An ICE COLD fizzy SODA boiii

64. What’s my spirit animal, and do I own anything featuring that animal?

I guess I’m very cat-like. I used to have a lot of cat stuff, but not anymore...

65. What’s my favorite restaurant, and what’s my favorite splurge order?

I like basically any fast food joint. I’m also a sucker for Chili’s. I’m really basic. A splurge order for me would be ordering a margarita with my meal.

66. What’s my favorite movie — or the best one I’ve seen in the last three years?

I’ve been obsessed with We Need to Talk About Kevin, Pirates of the Caribbean...I’ve been wanting to rewatch Little Miss Sunshine

67. What’s a favorite hobby of mine?

Dancing :)

68. What’s my favorite go-to snack?

Health-wise: apples and peanut butter. But if I don’t care: chips

69. What are my must-haves for watching a movie in a theater?

True interest in the film

70. What’s my favorite kind of competition to watch (sports, cooking, etc.)?

Not really into competition shows.

71. Would I rather get an electric shock or get an intramuscular shot (tetanus, etc.)?

Electric shock?

72. What’s my dream car?

Bella’s shitty red truck let’s gooooo

73. What are the must-haves in the home of my dreams?

LOTS of open space, sunlight, heated bathroom floor

74. What’s my favorite sandwich?

Chicken salad, BLT, plain peanut butter

75. What’s my favorite kind of dinner? (comfort food, four-course, take-out Chinese…)

Comfort food

76. If I could change my eye and hair color, what color/s would I choose?

I would DEF change my eye color to a warm brown and my hair to very dark brown. I’m growing my natural hair out. I’m going dye-free right now.

77. Who is my favorite fictional character (or one of them)?

Jack Sparrow

78. What’s my longest relationship so far (other than family)?

4 years...

79. What is my star sign — or do I usually avoid that question?

I DO NOT care about this but I’m a Leo

80. What is my lucky number, or what is a favorite number of mine?

Uh? N/A

81. What city do I live in now, and what’s my favorite thing about it?

I still live in Denton and I detest it.

82. What state do I live in now, and what do I love about it?

Texas, its diversity.

83. If I had to move to a different state, where would I rather go?

New Mexico

84. Have I ever colored my hair? If yes, what’s my favorite hair color experiment so far?

Yes, most of my teen and adult life. But my “crazy” hair experiment right now is going dye-free and wearing my natural color.

85. Whom do I miss right now?

My 14-year-old self

86. Have I ever made a mistake that someone else refused to forgive me for?

Apparently.

87. Do I have a celebrity crush? If yes, who is it?

JOHNNY DEPP and all of Stray Kids lol. Jungkook?

88. If I could meet any celebrity for coffee/tea and a chat, who would it be?

Marina Diamandis

89. As desserts go, would I rather have ice cream or cheesecake?

Ice Cream

90. Would I rather live in a house or an apartment, and why?

A small house.

91. Would I rather live in a treehouse, a cave, or a submarine?

Treehouse

92. What is one big goal that I want to accomplish this year?

Move out of D*nton.

93. What do I want to do for a living?

I’m happy being a teacher, but ultimately I’d like to counsel kids.

94. When I feel sick, where do I usually feel it first or most noticeably?

My head.

95. What sort of smartphone do I use, and what made me choose it?

Uh? Android?

96. What’s one movie that I’ve watched repeatedly? What do I love about it?

I watch signs pretty frequently. Midsommar? I connect with its characters because they seem like real actual people? I’ve been wanting to rewatch the Lovely Bones.

100. If I could afford one, would I rather hire a chef, a personal assistant, or a housekeeper?

Housekeeper!

97. What is one food that I refuse to eat?

Liver

98. What exotic food would I be willing to try?

I’d be open to trying most any food.

99. What is one item on my bucket list, and what made me choose it?

I’m kind of working on it now. I want to put a few years in while I’m young and able to become a very good dancer. I know that to obtain that it IS going to take years. It’s something that’s really important to me because I’ve always wanted that for myself but never made actual steps to obtain/execute it. And ultimately, I want it because it allows me to feel like my true self.

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a-very-fond-farewell · 4 years ago

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The forbidden crack! Untamed prompts: 22/?

Drama AU [this is just an idea tho, no plot basically]: “Did you find a bitch in me?”

[JC-focus crackships galore baby! title is from a Marina Diamandis’s song (“Hermit the Frog) but that’s probably not important for the non-plot so... yeah]

“So... wait a minute.”

“Hit me.”

“I’m still confused.”

“About?”

“Wen Qing... why should I know about your ex’s exes?”

“Because he’s a bisexual menace and I don’t want him to ruin this for me.”

“Jiang Cheng is not going to sleep with me.”

“What do you know tho? He’s that powerful.”

“Babe, I’m a lesbian.”

“And he has dated everyone in our circle of friends and their significant others.”

“Big lesbian energy, you’re absolutely right.”

“Thank you. I taught him well.”

or the only au where there’s only drama and no plot and JC went from experimenting to actively turning people gay or straight just because.

[attn: in this au Jin GuangShan is not, I repeat, not a bitch and did not, in fact, have other kids aside from Jin ZiXuan bc I say so. don’t make me complicate this non-existent plot more, please]

[under the cut for more!]

ok. got it. JC knows he’s no saint. hell, he doesn’t even qualify as a decent human being, alright. he’s that socially abominable. but things have escalated to a point where he doesn’t even know what to do. maybe become a hermit, lock his dick and call it a day. yeah, that should do the trick. because he really doesn’t know when it all started... no. that’s a lie. total bullshit. it was Nie HuaiSang.

so, SO, he may have been 16. sweet bush child with no future nor name. a great big sister, a stupid big bro, an overachieving mother, a distant father, the usual. save for fucking Nie HuaiSang and his stash of porn. and JC was straight. and he just wanted to check if the link his high school friend sent him was a jumpscare or not. he closed the tab right after the first moan echoed in his room late at night, he forgot to put the jack in and his earphones were possibly all the way back in his backpack on the kitchen table. fuck his life. and also fuck HuaiSang for being into weirdly sensual artsy porn on top of that. fuck his life. fuck the replay button too.

coincidentally, HuaiSang was his first kiss, first head, first everything only one year later and JC still talks to the jerk to an extent, but not because he wants to, okay? they were experimenting, but JC was still straight. he wanted to do good on his first actual relationship with a woman, whatever that meant for him at the time. HuaiSang was okay with that, the lying bastard. JC may or may not have grown fond of him by the time their graduation came, but they never got around to talk about it because they were stupid and young.

also, HuaiSang’s brother had caught them once and JC had known there and then why his non-boyfriend had decided to cut things loose afterwards. that jock was scary as fuck.

then. THEN. university came and Wen Qing was the one reminding JC he was still very much as straight and unbendable as he could get. it took him three years to not yell at her in frustration and ask her out: the sexual tension between them fueled by rivalry over good grades and the scholarship program they both wanted to have access to for their masters.

she had been the one asking him out. JC was lying about having the balls to do it, obviously. the fact that she also discovered to be a lesbian while being with him could have burned less, all things considered, but JC knew he had made love to her and that was enough for him. letting her go had been the right thing to do and they still talk everyday and she loves his nephew and everything is fine.

JC is FINE.

it only took him the two remaining years of his masters to get over her, but. FINE.

he’s not gonna talk about her brother. it happened only once. okay maybe once that particular night, at a bar and they were drunk and Wen Ning was nothing like his sister and the boy always had a slight crush on him and he was the one suggesting it, okay?

Wen Ning was kind and gentle and kissed way better than his sister and maybe after two years JC could get over it and move on and they could still be a family after all and that last stall in the staff toilet had been where JC’s bottom cherry was popped and oh gods that felt so good...

“actually, Jiang Cheng, you’re lovely. but I think I’m actually really straight so... I’m sorry. I hope we can still be friends?”

yeah. JC’s not gonna talk about fucking Wen Ning.

maybe the fact that his brother Wei Ying got married so soon was the reason why. it has to be.

JC hated, HATED Lan Zhan. he hated how much in love they were. how softly they moved around each other. how much he wanted some of that as well.

and since he was THAT petty he had to flirt with Lan Zhan’s brother (Lan Huan) because of it. the man was terrifyingly good looking and a gentleman. so much he didn’t want to give in to JC’s requests... because he already had a boyfriend.

JC knew nothing about said boyfriend aside from the fact that he was apparently a snake, whatever Wei Ying meant by that.

Lan Huan looked very intrigued, but he’s also very loyal and JC admired him for that. he didn’t want to have that conversation tho, the one where Lan Huan politely asked him to stop being so charming in his periphery, so JC decided to hide for a month or two and maybe extended that period of time and never show his face again while he’s at it.

Lan Zhan would have also had his head on a fucking plate if he dared touching his precious older brother so, there’s that as well.

so he dated a bunch of people after swiping them on apps left and right, got the hitch out of his system and felt miserable about it.

Nie HuaiSang came back into his life like, the day before JC started working for a new company and asked him out for a drink. HuaiSang was crushing for a man too young for HuaiSang’s comfort because he usually liked older men and this boy was fresh out of his bachelor and JC’s friend was well in his late twenties and didn’t have a job yet and...

JC shut him up with a kiss and they felt slightly less lonely afterwards, until they actually talked about their issues and decided to stop being messy and grow out of their bad habits.

JC still fells sick at the idea of being someone else’s “bad habit” though.

Wen Chao was a mistake.

Wen Chao’s girlfriend was a mistake.

Wen Chao’s brother was a mistake.

Their bloody uncle was a mistake.

Their father was an even more spectacular mistake.

JC has yet to find out how he survived the year of his thirtieth birthday, honestly. that shit had been wild as fuck.

YanLi and her husband offered JC to look after Jin Ling more often in order to make him feel some sense of safety, he knew that much. at the time, JC hated the fact that ZiXuan worried over him and that his own sister didn’t know how to help him either.

people at work had started to treat him differently as well, now that they knew how messy he was. he started getting treated for depression soon after being promoted to supervisor, his workaholic tendencies saving him from himself after years of sleeping around and drinking too much for his own good.

A-Su was YanLi’s friend from university and was kind enough to ask him out one day. she stayed with him for a year before apologizing to him, saying she wanted something more: a family, a future, something JC could have not given her anytime soon.

his brother and Lan Zhan adopted a boy and JC became an uncle for the second time. A-Yuan was difficult to look after, having survived stressful living conditions in his early childhood, so Wei Ying appreciated the extra hand when JC offered it to him and his husband.

looking after children forced him to be not so angry all the time and now Jin Ling had a cousin he could play with and was very glad his Jiujiu was feeling better.

when Lan Huan came back into his life, JC had forgotten about even attempting to win him over in his early twenties. it felt life a lifetime had passed.

they started as friends this time around, but JC felt nothing for him and he was okay with that. they were good uncles to A-Yuan and that was enough.

what really caught JC off guard was when Meng Yao stumbled upon him one day in midwinter, crashing on JC and sending his briefcase up in the air. the older man was apologetic and kind and gods forbid JC still needed some of that in his life. even if it was the other who had crashed into him, JC offered to buy him coffee since Meng Yao’s cup was now sadly rolling out frame on the snowy path.

to his utter astonishment, Meng Yao accepted.

JC took his time with him, willing to slow down and really get to know this new man who seemed so welcoming and easily approachable... yet so impossibly far and unreachable.

Meng Yao confessed cheating on his previous partner with his best friend five years prior and how he felt undeserving of another chance with someone as kind as JC. he revealed how therapy helped him work on his tendency of manipulating others and that this was the only reason why he wanted to be honest with JC and tell him the truth. so that the younger man could make up his mind if Meng Yao could be granted a chance with him.

this heartfelt confession startled JC in the beginning, especially bc Meng Yao seemed adamant about not sleeping with him for the foreseeable future, unless they talked it out some more.

on JC’s thirty-fourth birthday, one year after meeting Meng Yao, JC asks him to marry him during a pleasant dinner the older man has planned for him.

to his horror and absolute joy, A-Yao accepts.

JC didn’t mind not having been intimate with him until then, nor he would have minded if A-Yao never happened to change his mind on the matter. JC felt safe with him, even when he saw him reminiscing the past with grief painting his features behind his fake smile. JC knew he could give him happiness and so he asked him to meet the Jiangs for the first time to announce the good news.

all but Wei Ying and his husband have arrived the even JC brought A-Yao home, their car stuck in traffic. they start eating without them, with the couple’s permission. YanLi and ZiXuan didn’t bring A-Ling this time around, not willing to leave too soon and waste a chance to really get to know the new member of their family. JC’s father seemed pleased to meet with A-Yao, exchanging pleasantries and conversing about common interests...but JC’s mother is weirdly cold and distant that night.

once dinner came to a end, finally Wei Ying arrived, apologizing profusely for making the lot of them eat without them. however, nor he or his husband could take their eyes off of A-Yao...and neither could JC’s fiancé.

“if you still have some dignity to spare, I suggest you leave this very moment,” said Lan Zhan, the most he has ever spoken in one breath in front of JC. to which, to JC’s astonishment, A-Yao answered by giving JC one last look and the saddest smile he had ever worn...before leaving the house and never look back.

confused, heartbroken, humiliated...JC didn’t know what to feel when Lan Zhan explained to the lot of them what Meng Yao had done to Lan Huan after eight years together. cheating on the kindest man alive with an old acquaintance of his that to that day remained unnamed bc Meng Yao refused to reveal their identity.

JC’s mother didn’t have to tell her son that she had known all along something was off about A-Yao: JC could feel it in the way she was looking at him, sitting next to him on the couch. she had a sixth sense for venomous people.

the following year, JC is pretty sure it passed in a blur. he remembers working less hard than what he was expected to do, been consequently and rightfully demoted in his company. others gossiped about him being so proud for nothing in the end, which aggravated his mood.

to his surprise, his mother was the one suggesting him to take a break somewhere nice. to clear his head for a month or two before deciding what to do with his life. Wei Ying booked him a trip to Taiwan the following day and in less than a week JC is on a plane to take a long vacation there.

one night, roughly a week after his arrival at the hotel, JC was staring blankly at the skyline in deep thought. he had done the tourist-y shit, eaten all the foods in the best restaurants, brought presents for his family. and now he was bored out of his mind. the same, old questions swirling in his mind: did A-Yao lie when he said he loved him? did he lie just so he could have a fresh start and forget about the past? did he leave bc he felt guilty for his past with Lan Huan? was he serious when he had accepted JC’s proposal?

that’s when Mo XuanYu came barging into his life like a hurricane.

the younger man, seven years his junior, spotted him from an adjacent balcony and proceeded to talk to him as if...trying to de-escalate a suicide attempt from his part.

“sir, please. I’m sure there’s more to life than this. I don’t know what happened to make you feel this way but...everything will be fine in the end. I promise you. I was there. It’s okay. please don’t jump over the balcony.”

JC had no intention of jumping, just to be clear, but something in his eyes must have caught the kid’s attention and...was that a steward uniform he was wearing? did he work for the hotel? JC was none the wiser but that was the first time someone had reassured him so wholeheartedly without even knowing him and it felt...weird.

he started tearing up and the younger man panicked, promising to keep him company all night if necessary, reaching out with a hand to touch JC and reassure him from the other side. JC grasped it gingerly in his own and let himself be coaxed back to the realm of the living by such gentle soul.

JC hated himself for sleeping with him not even a week after their encounter.

but it just felt so good to let himself be guided by hand to the most hidden and wonderful places. away from the tourist crowd, eating delicious food with someone smiling prettily at him. yet he hated himself more for thinking about someone else in bed with him, at least in the beginning.

Mo XuanYu seemed to know anyway, and even encouraged him to just do whatever he felt like with him. casual hookups didn’t have to be meaningful, the younger man had said, and it wasn’t even the first time someone used him as a rebound either. still, something ugly stirred in JC at that.

so he decided to stop thinking about himself for once and shoved every bad memory away. all to pour his affection into someone else and cater to his lover for the following month and a half. borrowed time of a stolen season, during which JC doted on the younger man and learned to listen.

some of the stories Mo XuanYu told him felt slightly familiar, almost as if they had a friend in common and didn’t know who it might have been. after his shift, the younger man would ask to eat with JC and share his frustrations, repaying him in kindness with sweet kisses and even sweeter smiles that felt a little bit too brittle in the morning, when he was bound to leave.

by the end of JC’s trip it was clear to him that he had grown fond of the other man, too much for his own good. but during a vacation, away from home, surrounded by new and exciting things...anyone would have worn a mask to forget their normal life, that reality they would have eventually been forced to come back to.

by the end of his vacation, JC had figured out who their common friend was and remembered how distant Nie HuaiSang had felt falling in love with Mo XuanYu. how sad the younger man’s emotional unavailability has made him feel.

and when they parted ways at the airport, JC kissed him goodbye and never saw him again. the memory of Mo XuanYu’s brittle smile engraved forever in the back of his mind.

back to work. back to his bad bitch persona. it felt good to focus on his job and nothing else for a year or two, keeping others at distance while bossing them from his office as he regained his boss’s trust. being promoted a second time gave him the confidence he needed to move on with his life and by his thirty-seventh birthday he could finally see a future for himself.

therapy was helping a great deal and even his siblings seemed to notice his progress, praising him for his willingness to seek help and his hard work.

A-Yuan and A-Ling included: the kids were growing up too fast, involving their uncle in their school projects and plans for mischief any chance they got to see him.

Lan Huan caught everyone by surprise one day in autumn by confirming YanLi and Wei Ying’s suspicions about his breakup with Nie MingJue, Nie HuaiSang’s older brother.

the older man didn’t tell them why he had stepped back from his engagement with the man, aside from saying that the both of them had found out something concerning about their past and common acquaintances. the discovery making them feel so disheartened to the point of braking their engagement of mutual accord.

JC felt bad for the man, knowing how much it hurt to lose someone so dear. not that they had had been able to discuss over the matter much, not even after A-Yao had left. it would have been awkward to talk about their common ex and his penchant for secrets and hurting other people’s feelings.

but they understood each other well enough and started talking more, out of their common interest in their nephews and their well-being.

five years later, JC was forty-two and content with his life. A-Ling was close to thirteen and A-Yuan quickly approaching fifteen. he could see them growing up and out of his reach, but their affection for him never wavered. until one day A-Yuan called him in the middle of the night, startling him awake.

apparently, his best friend JinGyi had called him for help after being beaten up by his foster mother and A-Yuan didn’t know what to do. calling his parents would have only alerted and worried Wei Ying and Lan Zhan, who were probably still asleep and hadn’t even noticed their son had sneaked out in the middle of the night.

panicked and worried, JC called Lan Huan instead and they left for the hospital. and something hurt at the sight of such a young boy lying still on a bed too big for him. something else clicked in JC’s brain at the sight but it would have taken him several months to realize what exactly.

furious and restless, Lan Huan spend months looking for the woman who had hurt the child, eventually destroying her in court until he pried a confession out of her. social services immediately alerted as JC inquired over the possibility of giving the child a permanent home himself.

not even a year later, JC was able to welcome the kid in their new house in the quietest part of town. it took a while for the boy to adjust, worrying over JC eventually changing his mind and letting him go. “who even adopts someone close to be of age?” JinGyi had asked, frustrated and certain JC would grow bored of him.

but JC was there to reassure him every step of the way, telling him family was forever and not something easily dismissible. he repeated it until the boy seemed satisfied and called him “dad” for the first time one inconspicuous evening at dinner. if JC cried on his pizza, well, nobody has to know.

Lan Huan was glad to listen to JC gushing over his son, more than supportive and borderline enthusiastic to listen to every little progress and new success.

JC knew this was enough, but he would lie saying he hadn’t felt loved by the other man. yet, he didn’t dare hope he could have another chance at happiness at almost fifty years old. Lan Huan himself close to fifty-five and well settled into his career as a lawyer...too much to consider a valuable partnership with someone like JC.

his therapist had bashed him for ages over such insecurity, but JC could only smile at him and shrug. many people didn’t find their happy ending and he still had JinGyi to look after. which seemed a good way to spend the rest of his life.

so it came as a surprise when, one evening, as JC overlooked at Lan Huan building a piece of furniture with JinGyi in their living room, he started crying with love and affection.

“why are you crying Jiang Cheng?”

“I’m happy.”

he really was.

he still is to this day.

[they don’t marry, but they do spend the rest of their life together anyway]

I need a break, this took days to make D:

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writingforyourpleasure · 4 years ago

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WE'RE NOT BEST FRIENDS.

Relationship : Remington Leith x reader

A/N : Sorry I know, not what you expected. It's be complicated lately and I wanted something shorter then "ON THE ROAD AGAIN" and on someone else. But next will be either a new chapter of OTRA or a short fix either on Gerard Way or Frank iero.

Warnings : None

You were just in front of your best friend’s door trying to calm your nerves. Before you could even process it the front door opened and a smiling Emerson was facing you warping you quickly in a warm hug. This bastard truly gave the best hugs, maybe it was the reason why you hang out more with him. It was a sunny afternoon and Emerson was dressed very fashionable as always, he always stood out from the other kids even before finding his own style. You entered and soon enough his mother Stephanie was hugging you lovingly. Staphanie and your mom were best friends since college and that how you meet the boys, you were six month older than Emerson, you grew up with him basically. First off when you were four until Sebastian got to middle school you and the boys were having sleepovers at least 3 times per weeks and were inseparable, then when Sebastian did go to middle school he started to pass more time by himself and his new friends since he thought playing with you three was not of his age anymore. But you, Emerson and Remington didn’t mind all that much since you still got each other to play with, some things were more difficult though, since you were now a trio there was some kind of imbalance inside your group and disputes tend to happen more than before but nothing alarming since it was always for stupids reasons and when Remington got through adolescence the arguments got bigger and next thing you knew it was just you and Emerson. But everyone was still close to each other It’s just that you had now a certain routine with Emerson and got comfortable in it. You also didn’t want to bother the guys by asking if they wanted to join. Also Emerson seemed happy to have you for himself and have a little time with someone else then his brothers, sort of. Emerson had friends beside you of course but you didn’t talk much to those, they were nice but you weren’t one to party, you considerably preferred to stay at home watching a movie, TV show or play video games or some else worthless.

« Well A/N, the boys must say their hello wait I’m gonna call them downstairs. » Said Emerson’s mom, it was something she always said and did when you were there.

« Really there’s no need. I’m sure they’re occupied and busy, you know. I don’t wish to disturb anyone Stephanie as sweet as it is. »

« You’re way to polite hon’, don’t worry I think they can move their legs once in a while. BOYS COME SAY HELLO A/N’S HERE ! »

Emerson was puffing behind his mom’s back, you on the other side just stood there awkwardly. While you heard stumping upstairs, you took in the delicate features of Emerson.

He had a dark navy blue beret which was quite rare and a white shirt open widely on the collarbone and to his chest it was a lightly transparent, he wore around his neck maybe dozens of necklaces which you bought him for the most part and a simple black skinny Jean. You often wished you had the same wardrobe than him.

The stumping was now very loud and close which meant the guys were in the staircase so you turned your head around just in time to see Seb coming to you and putting your head in his arm and ruffling your hair to annoy you. Well for sur now you’ll be walking around for all evening with wild hair but hey what’s new ?

« Let the poor girl be would you, Sebastian ? »

« Well she’s used to being annoyed since she comes here to see Em, anyway. » Said Seb with a dickhead grin splattered on his face.

« Well fuck you, I happen to be very interesting mind you ! »

Em wasn’t one for a reading. You sighed rolling your eyes to the sky, done with thoses two, while their mom was repremending them, mostly Em since he swore.

« If she ever gets bored it’ll be by you two arguing dummies. » Said Remington arriving at the bottom of the stairs. His eyes then falled on you and a huge smile stretched itself on his lips, soon enough he had you in his arms.

« God Y/N what have you done of my boys ? »

Rem was still hugging you, yeah he tend to do that quite a lot and you never got used to it since it was a little bit awkward with everyone around you. The first hundreds of times Seb always teased him, while Remington was complaining. But you guessed that it had became like a ritual now.

« Well I wouldn’t pride myself in this since I honestly don’t think they need me around to act like that. » You joked once Remington decided to let go.

« Guess will never know since they won’t without you in our house for less than one week. » Laughed Stefanie.

« More like , Emerson, won’t let her be for less week. » Said Remington. Making his mother smile and Sebastian laugh.

« Whatever, c’mon Y/N. »Emerson took you by the end to go upstairs to his room.

You popped down on his bed looking at the fluorescent pink stickers up his ceiling. While he unplugged his Drum speaker.

« How was rehearsal ?

« It was okay we didn’t do much to be honest. »

« But didn’t you told me that you’d finished the album already ? »

« Well we just need one more song and then it’ll be finished. »

« Well don’t worry about it I’m sure it’ll be a great one. » You said cuddling him from behind making him fall into the bed with you.

« Putting pressure on me much ? »

The two of you laughed at that still cuddling on the bed.

« But I’ve got to say I’m not hyped not to hang out with you guys once you’ll go on tour. » You’re best friend held you more strongly than before at your words. Silence filled the room.

« Maybe you could come and visit us ? » Asked Emerson in a small voice.

« Could I ?! » You said looking up at your friend.

« I mean I don’t see why not ? »

You got off the bed starting to dance excitedly and fist bumping happily into the air while Emerson was laughing from the bed.

« But…. Wait a minute ? Isn’t it girlfriends that are allowed to visit you ? » You asked stopping right away fearing it wasn’t gonna happen.

« Well usually, yes it is, but I think I can play it off. Plus if you do think about it we already are an actual old married couple. » You all laughed your ass off at this knowing very well how you to were looking while argumenting.

Not long after that Emerson had to go to the toilets and you took advantage of it to go ask Stefanie if she needed help with dinner. Emerson find It’s way into the kitchen not long after that.

That how you found yourselves peeling potatoes while joking around.

Hearing you laughing Remington join you guys down hoping up the counter, not helping whatsoever.

« You guys are so loud I can’t even hear myself think anymore. »He said with a devilish grin.

« Silly you of course you can’t Rem ! You never thought about something with that beautiful brains of yours, since you don’t have one ! » He glanced at me with a deathly look while Emerson was coughing his laugh away.

« But you’re saying nonetheless that I’m beautiful right ? » Emerson rolled his eyes while Remington winked at you.

« Well looks gotta make up for that stupidity of yours I guess. «

« But you admit that I’m beautiful ? »

« God Remington I never knew you’d suffered from so much lack of love during you’re childhood hon. »You said looking at your potato with a wide grin, with Emerson discretely laughing in front of you still peeling off the skin of his potato.

« But that does make me Belle and you the beast. So I win. »

« Well if you want to lie to yourself love go on, I won’t stop you, but remember that I ‘ll be Beast who’s got a big brain. »

Emerson made a face of disgust at the nickname. You got up and went near the counter, on which was seated Remington, to wash your peeled potatoes.

« Yeah But I’ll be Belle who’s got a big - »

« REMINGTON !!! »Yelled Stephanie making Emerson explode in laughter and pride was taking over your features.

« Since you seem to be quite a talker today go peel the rest of the potatoes of your brother, while you Emerson’ll put on the table in the dinning room please. »

« What does this have to do with peeling potatoes anyway ? » Whined Remington still going over his brother ‘s place getting to work.

« Young man don’t dig yourself deeper, I’m warning you. Now less talking and more peeling. »

You hide your laughing while you returned to the table where was Remington to cut the vegetables.

He glance you a glance that you supposed was meant to be scary but didn’t work out.

« I’m hate to say but Belle wouldn’t be the scariest psychopath for an horror franchise. »

« Wish I could dig YOU deeper. » He muttered between his theets.

« And I wish I could dig you. » you Whispered to yourself, blushing instantly realizing what you said and looking over to meet a blushing Remington.

Safe to say you cutted the rest of your vegetables are in silence as Remington did the same with the peeling.

Soon enough you all were dinning around the table that put on Emerson. You were sitting by Emerson side on his right, while Remington was in front of you and on his right was Seb asking if he could go to a party tonight at his mother who was seated in the end of the table. He excitedly thanked his mom when she agreed.

« By the way could Y/N come visit us on tour ? » Interrupted Em looking at his two older brothers.

A silence took place during several seconds as both of Seb and Rem eyebrows shoot to the roof looking really surprised, you didn’t really understood why before Seb started talking with a huge smile.

« FINALLY ! You guys I was starting to think it’ll never happen you know ? »

What ?

You were really confused right now, was he still talking about you visiting ?

If it was the case why did Remington seemed so hurt ? And even if he was talking about something else why would Rem be hurt anyway ?

« Huh well It’s only if you guys wants me to be there of course ? » Even to yourself you sounded pretty unsure.

« When did that happened anyway ? » Asked Remington pretty coldly.

« What ? » You ask really confused now.

« When what happened ? » asked Emerson apparently as confused as you were.

« Ho c’mon you guys ! Don’t be shy ! I always knew it’ll happen it really was about time. »

What. The. Hell

« Huh well Emerson asked me when we were up in his room a few hours earlier ? » You responded truly still very unsure about this, but figuring they were asking about when did Em bringed up the idea ?

« Ho so It’s really recent still ? » Said Seb.

« Huh well that’s why were asking if it’ll be cool with you two ? » Answered Em fidgeting at the end of his shirt.

« Unless you’re not comfortable with it Rem ? » Everyone’s eyes landed on him waiting for his answer.

« Why would you hit on me if you’re with my little brother exactly ? »

A huge silence landed across the table and your eyes almost blew out of your skull.

« What ? »You asked in a small voice a little embarrassed of him telling everyone what happened earlier.

« If he trust you enough to be his girlfriend don’t try to hit on his fucking brother just a few hours after it ! » He said getting up in one second before just hurriedly walking up the stairs at a fast pace. While you just stood there your mouth hanging.

What did just happened and… wait were they thinking you and Emerson were a couple ? HO they were, well shit.

« Huh… just to put it out there me and y/N are Friends, nothing more. »Said Emerson looking at his mom and older brother.

But He did not looked at you.

« Ho well… shit. Sorry about that Y/N It’s me who directly started to think you two were together, I mean I though so because the people that usually visit us are our girlfriends or boyfriends. I see that I was wrong now, I’m really sorry. »

« It’s okay Seb we don’t mind. » You said sadly and deeply humiliated, you were guilt tripping for something you didn’t do. How sick was that ?

You exited the table without a word to go upstairs, walking til you were facing Rem’s door. You were hesitant, you needed to tell him but maybe It’s more up to Emerson after all ? And why would he listens to you of all people you must be the one he wished could go away probably now.

You took a deep breath before knocking on the wood with precaution.

«What ? » Said a weak voice on the other end of the door. Ho no was he crying ? What the fuck did you put yourself into ?

« Can I come in ? »

« Go away. Maybe you still got your chance with Sebastian ? »

Ouch.

« Mister Remington you may not slut shaming me. » You responded trying to be funny but as the silence took place between you you figured it wasn’t.

« Look, Rem, I think it is all just a misunderstanding, please let me in so we can talk ? »

You waited two long minutes fixing the wood of his door before this one moved to revel a red eyes looking Rem, the sight really guilt tripping you.

« How could you do that ? To your childhood best friend ? »

All of it was giving you an headache.

« Are we still talking about Em ? Or is it about you ? » You asked raising an eyebrow.

« forget about it. » He said moving to re-entering the room and closing the door, but you stopped him taking his left arm in your hand.

« Wait. I really do think It’s just a big misunderstanding, I am NOT em’s girlfriend. » You said the fastest you could.

The big frown on Remington’s face was wash over by a surprised look.

« But you guys said- »,

« we didn’t say anything because you didn’t even let us say more than 1 word. Sebastian assumed and I guess you then assumed that we were. But you’re both wrong. »

Remington’s brain seemed to be runned a mile per minute.

« But Emerson was talking about you visiting on tour.... »

« Yeah as friends dumbass, I ‘m not obligated to fuck someone on it to be on it am I ? »

Your arms crossed on your chest you waited in front of the tall man.

« I-I-I am so very sor-rr-ry…. I… I mean if you want to scream at me you’ve got every right to do so… » he said with a sorrowful expression.

« Don’t worry if I’ll ever feel like screaming at you, I won’t bother asking your permission love. In all seriousness now, maybe just go apologize to Emerson later okay ? »

« Ho fuck ! Everyone heard me right ? Ho what have I done It’s embarrassing as fuck. »

« Yeah from the looks on their faces I’m pretty convinced that they all heard you pretty well. »

«…. That means that I’ve just told everyone that you hit on me when you actually did it as a joke and for no reasons… » Blood was leaving his face at a fast spead and he was becoming more livid by the second.

«Yeah you did. But if that can make you feel better I didn’t do it as a joke. But please next time wait til we do take it to your room to tell everyone. Never guessed you as a kiss and tell but meh we learn something new every day ! »

« You didn’t… ? »

« No I wouldn’t hit on Rem big brother as a joke that’d be a lack of humor to do something so awkward. If I ever wanted to hit on one of you as a joke I’ll choose Em I’ve much more material on him anyway. »

« I….But last year at Seb’s birthday party when I finally muster up the courage to ask if I could kiss you, you said no… ? » Both of you were now a little closer to each other at the point where your chests were almost touching.

« Yeah well pardon me to have refused to kiss you when you were completely drunk AND in front of your two brothers looking at us. Poor souls They’ll still be on medication now if it happened. »

« But then why would you it on me now -»

« Can I kiss you ? » You asked to the tall bleached hair guy. He was blushing so much you were scared that the poor fool was about to explode.

« Why-hy no-ow ? » He asked lowering his voice looking at you expectingly.

« Because I feel like fucking my brother’s best friend. No more seriously I just… ‘I’ m not really talented for all of this but I really like you and I do have a crush on you since several months. Like each time you hug me It’s like I become numb and every problems since to find a solution to itself. »

Remington wrapped his hands, sweetly, around your neck, looking at you with tenderness.

Both of you closed the distance between your lips, it wasn’t sweet or hungry but just a little spark fading as soon as his tongue and lips left yours.

« Y/N… I-I have a crush on you since years but you never noticed me, Emerson always fought to be alone with you and to be the one closest to you. I… never told him because I really thinked you’ll never see me like you do with him. »

« You’ll never take the place of Em. He’s my best friend. But you can take the vacant place of boyfriend. But if you’re jealous of Emerson It’s not gonna do it for me babe. »

« What no ! I’m not…. I… ‘I swear just I wanted to let you know that I was struggling to find a way to get your attention. »

« You don’t need to, coz’ you already have it, you were just to blind to see. »

« ….Y/N.. I love you…. »

« I’m pretty sure that I ‘ll be able to say so in just a few weeks. » You kissed him one last time before going to Emerson’s room and getting in bed with your friend even if you wished to cuddle someone else tonight you didn’t want to seem impolite to your friend.

Emerson vaguely waked up from his sleep to whisper to you once you made yourself comfy between his arms.

« Did you tell him ? Did you guys made up ? »

« yes we did don’t you worry Em. » you said with a happy smile on your face, of course he didn’t meant it like you did but this discussion is left for tomorrow this time.

#remington leith #remington kropp #palaye royale imagines #palaye royale #Palaye royale fanfict #emerson barrett #emerson palaye royale #emerson kropp #remington palaye royale #Fanfict Remington leith #Remington leith x reader #Remington leith imagine #Remington leith fanfic #Remington leith fanfiction #Emo fanfic #remmington leith #Remingtonleithfanfic

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

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Surveys #417-419

Been slacking on posting these, so here’s like three surveys over the past few days divided up. I just don’t feel like posting them individually. Beware, it’s a long post, haha.

Do you believe that animals don’t have souls? I lean towards the idea that they, at least more complex species with actual sentience, do in some way. It's hard to imagine like, a fly having a soul, but it's a nice thought. You could NEVER convince me some don't, though, like my late dog Teddy, Sara's old chameleon Jem, and I could go on and on. Have you ever not been able to swallow pills? No, I've always been able to. If you HAD to change your first name, what would you change it to? Maybe like, Quinn. Something you don't hear a lot, for sure. Something more memorable. What are your thoughts on orange soda? Orange cream soda is BOMB. Man, been so long since I've had that stuff... Are you good with children and/or animals? Don't mean to brag, but people say I'm like a magician with animals. No matter what it is, I bond with it. Children, not so much. I'm awkward around them. Who in your life makes you smile the most? My cat, ha ha. If you were cremated, where would you want your ashes to be placed? Hm. Maybe high up in the mountains or in the Kalahari Desert. Do you plan on going to your high school’s reunion? No. I'm pretty sure I'd shatter from memories just entering the building. Would you want revenge on someone if they killed someone special to you? Or would you find it in your heart to forgive? "Forgive" my ass. They'd better get what's coming to them, even if I've gotta be the person to deliver it. Is there someone you are dying to see? More than I think anyone could possibly know. But it's probably better if I never do. Could you picture yourself getting married and having kids? Married, yes. Having kids, no. I could only picture that in one phase of my life, but like I called it: a phase. I should never be a mother, nor do I want to be one to begin with, so yeah, no kids for me. Do you like to take walks? If my legs were actually worth a shit, yes, I would, if it's in a nature-filled area. What are you listening to at this moment in time? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White. Did you ever kiss someone with a tattoo? No. Could you say something good about the last person you kissed? She's very resilient. Why are you single? Because 1.) I'm a very unappealing example of an adult, 2.) I'm not exactly very attractive, and 3.) I'm basically a hermit, so I don't meet people. Do you get jealous if your boyfriend hugs another girl? Hypothetically, in almost any case, I wouldn't. My imaginary boyfriend can have female friends. But I'll admit if it was like, an ex-girlfriend or something and it was a seriously intense hug, I might. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yes, but I mean, who doesn't. Have you ever been completely alone with a boy in his room? You make this sound so scandalous lmao. Yes, plenty of times. I dated a dude and briefly lived with him for three and a half years. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. Who was the last person that you cried in front of? I'm sure it was Mom. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? Nah. Do you remember every single person that you’ve kissed? Yeah. Do you believe that the world will actually end? Humanity, oh yeah. The planet itself, given the infinite nature of the universe, also yes. At SOME point, even if it's zillions of years down the line, Earth is gonna get fucked by something. Are you socially awkward? I am the literal avatar of "socially awkward." Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? Horror. Who is your favorite actor/actress? MARK IS A FUCKIN' ACTOR, Y'ALL. Are you satisfied with your gender? Yeah. Are you good at admitting your problems? HA! Yeah. ezpz Have you ever had a hangover? No, never been drunk to begin with. Do you know any strippers? No. How many times have you dyed your hair? I ain't counting. What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Dinosaurs. Do you think you eat healthy? I try to. I have my bad days, though. Are you sick quite often or hardly at all? My immune system is the fucking MVP. I am just about never, ever sick. Has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? Yes. Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? Chocolate, duh. Does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? Nah, no biggie. Has your cell phone ever rung in class? Omg no, I woulda been mortified. Have you ever tried opening your eyes under water? Yeah, as a kid. Would you rather have a cat or a dog? I prefer cats. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Like... six times, I wanna say. What would you say is your favorite type of flower? Orchids, but I also love dahlias. I've actually noticed that I've really had a greater "thing" for flowers lately. Like don't get me wrong, I've always loved flowers very much, but I've just found myself more drawn to them than usual, especially when taking the daily hour ride to the TMS office. Do you watch Toddlers and Tiaras? FUCK no. That show disgusts and angers me so much. If someone asked you to go to war today, what would you say? Yeah, no. Funny joke. I couldn't go anyway due to mental health issues and a suicidal history. Do you own an old vintage typewriter? We used to when I was little. I have no idea what happened to it, though?? Hell, maybe we still have it somewhere, but I doubt that. Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ew, does ANYONE like the smell of fish??? Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? I got a few pages into The Fault in Our Stars, but stopped for no real reason. I didn't not like it or anything, I was just still in my "I don't read" episode. Are you a protective person? VERY. I'm a fucking guard dog over those I love most. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're cute. I especially think emperor penguins are very majestic. Have you ever met your favorite author? I don’t have a favorite author. Did you get your mom or dad’s eyes? Neither's. I think my maternal grandpa had blue eyes, though? I'm not sure at all, though. When was the last time someone bought you flowers? Not sure. Has there ever been a murder in your town? "A" murder? Thems is rookie numbers for my neck of the woods, fella. This place is known for crime, and that includes murder. When falling asleep, do you ever feel like you stopped breathing? Well, I have seriously severe sleep apnea, so... but the diagnosis came as a surprise to me, because I never DID think this. But sure enough, did a sleep study, and in just one hour's time, I stopped breathing like what, 30 times? What's the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Stupid drivers. Do you have any life-changing plans within the next 6 months? I guess getting a job could be pretty life-changing. As of right now, how do you feel about your future? I'm very, very scared. Who is the last person you ran into unexpectedly? Hm, I dunno. Where does your grandma live? Both of mine are dead, but my paternal grandmother lived in Michigan, while my maternal one technically lived in Florida, but stayed in New York with her son's family a whole lot. I don't really know where she stayed more. Do you know how to read music? Not anymore. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone special? Not so much the song, but the band. Motionless In White is one of his all-time favorites, so I can't listen to them without thinking of Jason. Sucks because they've been becoming one of MY favorites, too, so I listen to them a lot. If the person who has hurt you the most, said they were in love with you, would you believe them? I'd tell him he was in a love with a person who no longer exists. It's impossible for him to be in love with me now when he doesn't know how much I've changed. If Facebook made you pay would you still use it? Ha, no. Have you ever been recorded on film without your permission? Not that I know of? Tell me about your last boyfriend? He's a wonderful person. He's been there for me without fail since we became friends in high school band, and he is SO fucking funny. He's always cared a lot about me, and I care a lot about him, just not in the same way he does me. He's like my big brother. Are your parents racist? My dad definitely is. What is your least favorite subject in school? Math and economics both sucked. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? Almost certain no. I'm pretty sure Dad didn't fight for custody at all, but it could've been something Mom just never told me. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I NEVER could. Do you have any siblings you neglect? .-. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? I went to Vacation Bible School, if that counts. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah, until that big news story about a dirty needle pricking a child. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? Not to my knowledge. I highly doubt it. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? Cheese quesadilla with fiesta potatoes. Rarely a pair of those cinnamon ball thingies. Ever consider a sex change? Nah. Do you eat whip cream straight out of the can? EW no. I hate the texture of whipped cream. What do you think of popcorn? Loooove. Have you ever dated any of your friends’ ex? No. Well, it's funny, Rachel (both Juan's and Jason's ex) and I are friends now, but definitely weren't at the time of us being together. Have you ever gone out with someone even though one of your friends liked that person first? If yes, did you feel bad? If no, were you tempted to? No. Would you rather be a rich musician, or a rich actor? Musician. What was the last charity you donated to? I don't recall. Did you like to collect frogspawn as a kid? I've told the "my friends and I saved hundreds of tadpoles" story enough times, so for this question, I'll just talk about when I would go fishing with Dad as a kid. Back then, if I got bored of actually fishing, I would walk along the riverbank and try to catch tadpoles and minnows in my hands. It was soooo fun to Kid Brittany. Do you walk fast or slow? I walk pretty damn slow. Can you juggle with more than two items? I can't juggle, period. Do you like jalapenos? Yeah! Do you like kiwis? Yessss, I love kiwi! Does anyone in your family go deer or bird hunting? Who is it anyway? I don't know if she still does, but my little sister used to go deer hunting with a friend.

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? Yeah, my pet snake's 40 gallon terrarium. What sort of things do you have bookmarked in your internet browser? It's quite diverse, but I think I mostly have templates for specific character profiles. Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc? No, I'm a good noodle. If given the chance, would you go to Ireland? Certainly! It's beautiful there. If you have a cat, does it ever “converse” with you? Oh, ABSOLUTELY. When I talk to him, he sure does try to answer me and it's the cutest thing, ha ha. Have you ever tried those electric toothbrushes? Yeah, that’s what I use. Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc? Yeah, guess he changed his mind. Name one of your ex’s mother’s names? Virginia. Does your favorite song have a meaning? BIG TIME. Have you ever written or received a suicide note? I've written one. .-. What is the worst thing a child has ever done to you while you were babysitting? When I was changing her diaper, she got up and ran around naked in the house. ;-; Do you own a nightgown? No. If you could get any pet right now, what would you get? i. want. my. tarantula. Have you ever actually been stuffed into a locker? No. That is just such a TV trope that I've never even heard of happening irl. Do you/did you decorate the inside of your locker at school with stuff? I only had a locker in middle school, and I believe I didn't. I didn't want one in HS. What’s the coolest thing you’ve made with Legos? I was never a Legos kid; I played with Lincoln Logs. Do you want to get pregnant right now? Fuck no, man. Or ever. Have you ever housed a friend for a long period of time because they had no place to live? No. If you have a favorite comedian, have they ever been in a movie? I don't have one, really. Are there any books you want to read? Besides the series I'm reading, I want to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but idk if I'll ever get to it, really. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? We don't have a close relationship, but I am nevertheless. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? Not really, it seems. First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed? J, T, D, S. Do you like going to school sports games? No, I hated it. When Ash was a cheerleader, Mom made me go, and I was never happy about it. Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? An ex-boyfriend's, yeah. Did you get into your mom’s makeup when you were a kid? I don't think I did? Do you want anything pierced? Ugh, a lot of places. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. Has your partner ever accused you of cheating when you actually didn’t? I've never been accused of cheating. Has anyone ever called you stuck-up? No. I'm quite the opposite. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? Too many, really. What are you doing this summer? Nada. Do you still watch MTV? I never did. Have you ever spent the night with the last person you kissed? Yes. What’s the dress code for your job? Do you like it? I'm unemployed. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? ^, and this might sound stupid, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't. Especially tattoos. No job is stopping me from doing things that improve my self-esteem and body image, particularly when I LOATHE my body. If a little bit of art makes me feel better about myself? Nobody is stopping me. What are some trends you dislike that everyone seems to love? "Crocs. Whyyyy?" <<<< THIS. First people hated them, now they love them??? They're hideous as shit. If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? I don't really know. How often do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough for someone with skin as dry as mine. Do you donate your old stuff to Goodwill? If so, what was the last thing you donated? Yeah. Mom recently brought some old toys, I think? How weight conscious are you? You have no fucking idea. Rent a movie or go see one in theaters? I prefer going to a theater. I enjoy the experience. What’s the biggest personality trait turn-off for a potential partner? Probably being an explosive/volatile person. I can't with that. Would you ever go on a birth control pill? I already am to regulate my period and tame the cramps. And if I was sexually active, I absolutely would want to be on it. What's your favorite late night tv show? I don’t have one. At high school do or did you participate in Spirit Week? No. Do you have a favorite vocalist? Who? Queen's Freddie Mercury will probably always top the list. If you have a favorite photographer, can you describe their work? I don't have a favorite photographer. Surprisingly. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? If it's with someone I'm in love with and am in the mood, sure. What is one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? I did NOT expect to reach 25 like... *gestures at self* this. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never handle euthanizing pets and watching the families' hearts break. How long have you lived in the house you live in? Not even a year. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? I'm definitely sadder. Especially today. Do you like Subway? I do. Have you ever seen a volcano? No. Have you ever found a spider on your bed? Yes. It's the scariest shit when one skitters across your blanket, because like, you LEAST expect it to happen in the comfort of your own bed. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now? Not even remotely, if I'm being honest. I'm at a real low. When was the last time you ate at Burger King? Years ago, when I was a vegetarian and went there for the veggie burger. How often do you cry? lol a lot Ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Can you wire a plug? ... I don't even know what you mean by "wire a plug," so obviously no lmfao. Where were you when you got your first period? Well I think I actually *started* at school, but I noticed when I got home. Can you drive? I mean I'm capable, but I'm an incredibly anxious, overly passive, and just generally terrified driver. I'm so scared of when I finally get new glasses and therefore a new permit... but I have to get used to driving. Living where I do, public transportation is very, very limited, and I just can't have people driving me places the rest of my life. Exercise or healthy eating? I sadly hate exercising SO much. I'd rather eat healthy. Did you play Red Rover when you were a child? Yeah. Are you more attracted to men or women? This can actually vary with time, which I originally thought was weird but is apparently normal for some bisexual individuals. There are spans where I feel more sexual attraction to men, and then other times women. Has anyone ever called you rich? God no, I am so far from it. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. Are you considered a very sensitive person? I'm way too sensitive for my own good. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Yes, my dad. I regret that letter I sent him so, so much. I honestly don't know how he can treat me with so much love after the shit I said. If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? I am... astonishingly behind on Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. I know, seriously incredible. I just don't watch TV, man. It's strange, I'm into the show, of course I am, I just... don't like sitting myself in front of a television and purely watching it. I'll catch up, though. Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? No. But it's not like people have a reason they grind their teeth... they just do. Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. I could, but I'm not going to. It'll just upset me. Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? My sister's husband's name is Nick, but he is definitely not my friend. I can't stand his bigoted, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, racist ass. I don't know or care what his favorite food is. What are you listening to? I'm re-watching Gab and Sinow play Resident Evil 5. People can say all they want about RE5, but I love it. Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? Waffles, but only if they're still soft enough to not be considered crunchy. I prefer them because I can put peanut butter on them, and the grooves catch the syrup instead of just absorbing it all like pancakes. Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I don't/can't drink diet sodas because the artificial sweetener gives me a KILLER headache. Are you craving anything right now? You guys have no idea how badly I want Taco Bell for whatever reason. Which word did you say first, mama or dada? The latter. What was your first pet’s name? So, there's three answers to this. I was born into the family while we had a collie named Trigger, but I have absolutely zero memory of her. She passed when I was too young. Our first family pet that I clearly remember was Chance, our rescued cat. My first *personal* pet was either a guinea pig named Squeak or Chinese water dragon named Shadow. I can't remember who came first. Who was your best friend in elementary? It changed with the years, but I can say the three biggies were Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Probably Coach Collie. He was so wise, kind, funny... He was all-around just wonderful and taught so many life lessons. When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Always. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? Waking up and doing my first sweep of the Internet before I get bored outta my fucking senses. Do you read any web comics? No.

Do you drink bottled water? Yeah, but like any water, it has to be COLD. Not room temperature. Not a tad chilly. I mean cooooold. When did you last use a straw? Earlier. I have a metal straw I use to drink water with because I drink faster through a straw, and with it being water, of course I want to try to drink as much as I can when I actually choose to drink water. Have you ever tackled someone to the ground? No. Do you know anyone who lies to make themselves look more interesting? My former best friend did that. She was an online friend, so it made it easy. I finally caught on and called her out on it, and then she just totally dipped. Do you like to sing? Not that much, honestly. Like sometimes I feel like it, sure, but not frequently. Are your parents in good health? No, not really. Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No. I feel bad saying it, but I know I never could be. I could NOT clean another human being. It's one of the bajillion reasons I'm not having kids. Do you like to take naps during the day? "Like" isn't the right word. I just... need to. Most days, there is NO way I can make it 'til night without one. What movie was your favorite to see in the movie theater? Even though it was sincerely a sucky movie, I really enjoyed watching Silent Hill: Revelation because I saw the 3D version, plus the hype over my favorite franchise getting a new movie was just very exciting. Favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character? I was never into that. Ever watched The Blair Witch Project? Yes, and I positively adore it. I genuinely think it's a genius horror movie, never showing, but telling through other methods. Have a favorite AC/DC song? Probably "You Shook Me All Night Long." Are you good at selling candy for those fundraiser things? Omg nooooo I HATED doing that shit, especially when some amount of sales were like, required for whatever bullshit reason. I hate hate hate advertising to people. My parents always bought them instead. Have you ever had a crush on someone too old for you? No. Well, besides James Hetfield, ha ha. What's your favorite Dr. Suess quote? I don't know enough quotes to have one. If you were to have wings, what would you want them to look like? Dark and dragon-esque with lots of rips and tears in them... but not enough to stop me from flying, ha ha. Have you ever broken up with someone to find you want them back later? No. Has anyone ever dared you to eat a chili pepper? Did you do it? No. Have you ever tried Thai food? No. Have you ever watched Avatar? The TV show, not the movie. I've seen I think one season with Sara so far? I actually quite enjoy it. What's your cellphone's signature for text? WOW this survey is ancient. If you smoke marijuana, what is your preferred or typical method? I don't smoke it. Do you often take painkillers? I dunno about "often," but headaches to the point I take something aren't rare for me. Do you wish you were in a relationship? I mean yes, but I know it's for the better I'm not. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? I feel extremely guilty. I try not to think about it. Where have you lived for the most part of your life? Eastern NC. How old are you? 25. What are you listening to at the moment? Powerwolf came out with a new album, so I've been bingeing the shit out of some songs, ha ha. Right now it's "Blood For Blood." Do you watch WWE Raw? Ew, no. I have NEVER gotten the appeal of wrestling. Just like... why????? Do you dye your hair? Nowhere near regularly. :/ I haven't had it dyed in a very long time, and I hate it. I love colored hair. We just can't afford that expense on something so little. My hair does NOT take dye easily, so we have to have a professional do it, and that isn't exactly cheap. Have you ever lived in a different country that the one you’re living in? No. Which of your parents will you see next? I live with my mother, so. Have you fallen asleep in school? Not in class, no. In college when I would be in the library between classes, though, I've dozed before. Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes, but not for physical issues. Do you make fun of obese people? You're talking to someone who is. So obviously no, and you're a piece of fucking shit if you do. Do you have an innie or an outtie? Innie. Have you ever tried to headbang? No. Even as a metalhead, I don't get it, man. You're asking for a headache. Do you own any Converse? What do you think of them? I have a few and like them. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I mean, I'm an admin on two sites, so I guess? Were your ancestors royalty? Yeah, I'm related to one of the Queen Victorias, I believe. I just know she had a thing for beheading people, ha ha. What do you like on your pasta/noodles? Sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.? Just tomato sauce and meatballs, really. Who is the most ungrateful person you know? What makes them this way? My fucking ex-best friend. You could never, ever give her enough and she just... blegh. She was so fucking ungrateful for everything people did for her. It was just never enough. Do you like cherry Pepsi? I like cherry Coke. I don't like Pepsi. Have you ever held an uncommon pet before (ex: mouse, spider, snake, lizard)? I've held snakes, rats, lizards, and a tarantula. Who did you last play truth or dare with? No clue. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Yeah, they've moved out. What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? I'd probably say my champagne ball python. A lot of people don't even know ball python morphs exist, so seeing her might surprise some people. Do you like Doritos? Yeah. When you buy clothes, do you always try them on first? No, but I need to learn how to... I just HATE doing it. Have you used bugspray recently? No. Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean? Yesssss. Have you ever tried to sew or knit anything? No. Has something ever happened to you that seemed like it was from a movie? Most of Jason's and my relationship felt like one. Hence why the breakup felt so sudden and just impossible. Do you find yourself to be a believer in love at first sight? Not even remotely. Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? Spread Teddy's ashes in Yellowstone. I promised him. Are you longing for the day that you’ll be an adult? (If you’re not already) I am an adult, and it sucks. What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? Any meat that was hunted. Have you ever owned a diary/journal with a lock and key? I don't believe so. When you were little, what movie did you watch over and over? Mostly Disney films, like The Lion King and Finding Nemo. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Do you know what you want for your dream house? Nope. I honestly don't really care about having a "dream" house to begin with. I just need one that's cozy to me and gets the job done. Have you ever seen the movie The Notebook? Many, many times. It's my favorite romance movie. Have you ever used the photo editing site “Picnik”? No, not to my memory. Has an animal ever taken a strong dislike to you? Our old dog Bentley didn't like me all that much, and I didn't like him, either. Have you ever attempted to cut your own hair? No. Do you have a lucky or special coin? No. Do you love ice cream cake more than normal cake? No. Do you check your email daily? No. Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? No. For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? Envy. Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? No. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes, actually. For a while many years ago, my old laptop left subtle burn marks on my legs. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? My nephew's is next month. Do you like Laffy Taffy? I doooo. Are your biceps at all noticeable? Ha, no. Have you ever seen a walrus? Maybe when I went to SeaWorld as a kid? Did you ever have one of those easy bake ovens as a kid? Yup. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure. What flavor cake do you like for your birthday? Red velvet. Have you ever had a job you loved? Nope. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? Yikes, no. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Two people. Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yes. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve met online? Sara. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? I was very afraid of dolls as a kid, so I obviously didn't have one. Do you sell any products? If so, what? I mean, I'm a wannabe photographer that sells my service. Owls or peacocks? Owls. Lions or horses? Lions. Can you still fit into kid’s clothes? Hell no. What devotional do you read, if any? None. What do you make wishes on? I only ever do for the tradition of it on my birthday. I don't believe in the magic of wishes, though. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Are you bitter about anything? Probably always will be. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No. How bad are your hangovers? Never had one. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, what was the cause of it? Yes. It was identified as a fracture, but a break and a fracture are technically like the same thing, so. At a skating rink, I fell and landed on my hand so the top of it nearly touched my arm, so my wrist got FUCKED. I will never, ever forget the severity of the pins and needles feeling and just the experience in general. It hurt so goddamn bad. Is this the best year of your life? Fuck no.

#in other words i don't feel like thinking up song lyrics for three surveys at once lmao #survey #surveys #random questions

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