#first shitpost of the year

[granddaughterogg]

boundary

König: (laying in your lap and looking you in the eyes lovingly) That was very amazing, Schatzi. You: (petting his thick brown hair, which has gone every which way after a satisfying romp): Things can only be "amazing" in English, big guy. Without "very". König: (pouts) I like the "very" and I'm using it. By the way, I'm VERY glad that you didn't want me to choke you. You (hand stilled, eyebrows meeting your hairline): ...Huh? König: Because everyone always does. They see me and they say things like: You're such a giant man, oooh, I bet you're into choking! I HATE choking people. Have you seen my hands? I could've *killed* someone! You: (tenderly) König. You have eighteen confirmed barehanded kills. König (roused): WELL THAT'S WORK, THAT'S DIFFERENT!

[ruboremclouds]

smoking kills snufkin

[saurix5]

[blondie-drawings]

Good lord this tomb is full of shitposts 😳😳 pt 1/pt 2

[lonely-night]

✨ 2025's resolutions ✨

[gallifreyanhotfive]

RENEGADE TIME LORD WRAPPED

You have dematerialized in your TARDIS 3 times 🫥 this year, but only because you prefer traveling in the late 1900s and earlier 2000s.

You have traveled in 2 different TARDISes, you cheating whore 👎.

The Hostile Action Displacement System has kicked in 13 times ⚠️.

You successfully piloted your TARDIS to Heathrow Airport 0 times ✈️.

You have lost your memory 4 times 🧠.

You got stuck in 301 time loops ⏳️.

You have battled your on-again off-again situationship 134 times 🤼‍♂️.

You have collected 3 individuals from other worlds 👥 to travel with you.

You have accidentally destroyed 8 star systems 🌠.

You have meddled in the development of 87,912 different cultures 👋.

You have almost died 12,342,915 times 💀.

You have accidentally become a god 1 time 👑, which qualifies as a Class Two Intervention, so you really ought to be vaporized.

Your most traveled to planet was Earth 🌎.

You have regenerated 1 time this year 🔥, which is concerning because you also regenerated last year, and don't you think you're burning through your lives a bit quickly?

You have broken the Laws of Time 13,411,843 times 🚓. That's in the top 0.1% of Time Lords!

Your definition of a year has changed 8,541,823 times this year 🗓, making this Wrapped very difficult to complete.

[justvea18]

I saw this meme and I immediately think to myself "how do I make this about them"

[asha-mage]

MDZS AU where Jiang Cheng realizes that Lan Sizhui is the Wen orphan that Wei Wuxian took care off during the Burial Mounds arc, decides that's close enough to qualify him as Nephew, declares that no Nephew of His (much less a surrogate son of Wei Wuxian's) is going to be raised in the Cloud Recedes, and immediately launches into a custody battle with Lan Wangji.

But since neither Jiang Cheng or Lan Wangji can acknowledge that Sizuhi has any connection to Wei Wuxian, both begin steadfastly and stubbornly insisting that he is a Cultivator of peerless potential and skill and he belongs in their sect thank you very much, and would clearly be very unhappy in the other's. This confuses the hell out of the already mystified Cultivation world, who had barely adjusted yet to gossiping about Sizhui being Wangji's illegitimate child by mysterious love affair.

(Eventually the common consensus in the rumor mills is that both JC and LW where in love with Sizhui's mother and both believe themselves to be Sizhui's real father.)

(LW couldn't care less what gossips say, but JC has to bite his tongue till it bleeds to avoid telling anyone the truth in a fit of anger.)

(It was Nie Huaisang who put that rumor out in the first place, partly to troll JC, partly because, in a way, it's a little true.)

[datcravat]

[cozylittleartblog]

recreation of a real sign i saw off the highway in december 🎄

[angelicfangz]

look at my medic bruh cant have shit in badwater 😭

[bleed-more]

Lesbian shirt Tim, when?

Happy pride SHDKFNGM

[tategaminu]

Opening tumblr in June 2023:

Opening tumblr in June 2024:

[theneonfennec]

So the Book of Bill huh (ID in alt text)

[jelsah27]

Cafeteria

Vil: Potato. You seem well rested.

MC: *looks like they got the first good night's sleep in years* Yeah, I figured out how to occupy the problematic children.

Vil: Well that is an impressive feat. And how, pray tell, have you restrained the troublesome teens?

MC: Two words. Fidget toys.

Scenery changes to the guest room in Ramshackle

First years: *playing with different fidgets*

Grimm: *stops batting at a fidget spinner* Wait a second, where's my henchman??

Deuce: *is messing with a chicken pop-it* I don't know MC left a while ago

Epel: *drops his fidget cube* Guys what day is it?

Back

MC: Yeah, I'm totally selling them. And no, Azul, I'm not selling you the rights. They don't exist here, therefore are my intellectual property.

Azul: *glaring as he steps out from behind a wall*

[r-aindr0p]

Your vampire au... Can't believe you're making me like vampires.

Aye have some more vampirook doodles then, with like, one expression he rarely does (since most of the time he's stalking with his favorite ">:(" guy )

The AU idea didn't even come from his halloween costume but from the fact that the food he dislikes is garlic :') Combine that with savanaclaw rook unruly hair and you have the creature !!

Though I get that it can be disliked it's a type that has been used an overused in wattpad fictions especially bad teen/ young adult romance stuff :') not that it's all bad I'm sure there's great stories. I used to love vampires already when I was a teen an had put a warning on a notebook of mine along the lines of "beware, this is a vampire's book !!!" and also mixed strawberry and lemon syrup in a bottle I had labeled "blood" with little fangs scribbled beside, augh...

Nowadays I like drawing with big ears that can flop down and they're basically big cats but deadlier-