#first post of the blog

[heylookomegas]

Warlords And Courting Gifts

Dracule Mihawk

VERY high standards. What else did you expect?

He will accept flowers personally arranged by the alpha, books specific to his interests and fine wine at the beginning of the relationship. 

Nest supplies like blankets and pillows are something he’s far too specific about to accept as a gift.

Will only allow clothes and jewelry to be given once the relationship has become official. 

Don’t skimp and get him something cheap or simple, he wants gold, rubies and silk all over!

He deserves to be treated like a princess doesn’t he?

Do well enough and you might be able to get away with calling him that too.

Bartholomew Kuma

Blankets, pillows and bears oh my!

Is too much of a minimalist to want anything extravagant.

But some soft blankets and teddy bears will always result in a smile from him.

This is a man who doesn’t believe it’s possible to own too many squishmallows.

He also likes baked goods like muffins pies.

Sweet things for a sweet man.

Crocodile 

Why would you do this to yourself?

Crocodile makes a point of buying himself everything he wants as he wants it and is as extra about it as possible.

The only way for an alpha to court him with gifts is through home made crafts.

Which you gotta have some serious balls to go through with.

Really the fact that someone walked right up to him with crap they made at home is an impressive enough show of confidence to peak his curiosity in and of itself.

Gecko Moria

Too charmed over being genuinely courted like he’s some sweet little twenty year old instead of a single parent over fifty to care too much about what he’s actually being gifted.

As long as it’s evident that thought was put into the gift, he’s over the moon about it.

He’ll accept plushie bats, antique buttons, dark flowers and really anything that vaguely fits with his aesthetic.

He also has a weakness for salted caramel candy.

Just don’t get him an onion plant.

That shit was only funny the first time.

Doflamingo

Well at least what he wants is simple.

The corpses of his enemies make the perfect courting gift.

Even better if they’ve got just enough life in them for him to torture it out personally.

If the body has his initials carved into it you might even get a genuine thank you.

For the ultimate gift, make it a theatrical execution complete with special effects. 

Jinbe

Either the best or worse case scenario on the list depending on your point of view.

Jinbei doesn’t want gifts.

He’ll take small things like food or a bottle of something, but he’ll just pay it back later.

He doesn’t like the idea that he can be bought or dazzled, so expensive gifts make him uncomfortable.

The best gift you can give Jinbei is your presence.

(Or a bit of original poetry if you’d really like to speed things up.)

[xmen-witness]

About the Witness Universe:

This idea originally surfaced after I dreamed about an old X-Men: Evolution OC from 2017. The first words of this universe were typed out to a good friend on Discord on July 11th, 2023.

At first, I thought I could contain this much scope into an AO3 novel. It was to be about an original original earth, inspired by Marvel: Ruins, Wolverine & the X-Men, Agents of Shield, ZOO, and The Book of Eli. I’m aware my inspirations barely make sense, but a publisher will never see this and neither will Marvel.

Haha—unless?

Anyway: please enjoy the lore to come, as I’ll be posting artworks, character profiles, short stories, and much more.

To find more on this universe, ask questions, or even make some fanart with my permission: use the #xmenwitness tag.

[despazito]

Adult website and period tracker

[eggwishing]

I ONCE TRIED TO WASH THAT SCUFFED OLD THING WHILE HE WAS TAKING ONE OF HIS NAPS, BUT WHEN I TOOK IT OFF HE WAS WEARING ANOTHER IDENTICAL ONE UNDERNEATH! AND ANOTHER! I GOT THROUGH TEN MORE LAYERS OF THE SAME THING BEFORE HE WOKE UP. I WAS SO FRUSTRATED! WHERE DID HE EVEN GET THOSE FROM? THEY ALL EVEN HAD THE SAME STAINS!!

[lochrogue]

blacked out and made this

[cottonspotten]

*person has consented to being eaten; they’ve donated their body. they died without suffering. you can cook the meat. you will not get sick from the meat.

bonus: explain why!

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[2facehusband]

oh, look, you're finally awake. i was wondering how long you'd be out, 'cause i can't say i measured the dosage real exactly. sorry about that.

hey, do you know where we are? c'mon, open those pretty eyes of yours and look. uh-huh, exactly. we're just at the edge of this very pretty forest, and it looks a little dark in there, doesn't it? there's probably bears in it.

no no no, hey, don't cry yet. i haven't even told you what we're doing here. see, i wanna play a game, alright? it's like hide and seek. i'm gonna untie you in just a second and let you go in there, and then i'll come looking for you! doesn't that sound fun? and because i'm feeling nice, i'll even give you a five minute head start.

(ah ah- don't be rude. what do you say when someone does something nice for you? there we go, that's a good little lamb.)

now, in the interest of being open and truthful with each other: i'm going to find you. i mean, honey, you don't even know where we are. i've been in and out of this forest my whole life. it's really a non-starter. so when i find you, i'm going to spread those pretty legs open and fuck your tight little hole until you're just screaming and crying and god, it's going to feel good. for me, mostly. but who knows? maybe you're a little more sick in the head than i thought you were. wouldn't that be interesting?

let's get you out of this rope now, hm? ready? alright, poppet. run.

[clownowo]

been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading

[fumifooms]

Omg guys he just genuinely likes bugs and mollusks and critters 😭💘💔 Forced to noble when he just wanna crouch and watch things skitter in the dirt…

[kyrstin]

tgcf is like if xie lian was faced with the trolley problem every single day and every day he said "i'll choose a third option!" and that option was throwing himself in front of the trolley to stop it but instead it flips over and kills/maims everyone on both tracks and xie lian himself

[devsgames]

Me: "hey game developers, especially AAA ones, are getting laid off en-mass and it's awful for our industry" Gamer: "well I only play INDIE games and the problem with AAA games is they are creatively bankrupt"

Me, slamming my fists on the table like a baby: "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS IS ABOUT A BUSINESS PROBLEM PERPETUATED BY CAPITALISM NOT A STATEMENT ON CREATIVE DECISION MAKING"

[risingsunresistance]

pigy,,,

[reineydraws]

i dont have a caption for you lol i'll let shanks's heart eyes speak for themselves 🫶

(source)

[just-a-silent-sorcerer]

Was practicing poses but it turned into a desperate beg for certain demon cat to not kill him

[sleepis4theweak]

Inspired by my mom pulling the emergency call cord in the hospital because I got the hiccups when I was like a day old.