#i love being condescending. anyway
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oh, look, you're finally awake. i was wondering how long you'd be out, 'cause i can't say i measured the dosage real exactly. sorry about that.
hey, do you know where we are? c'mon, open those pretty eyes of yours and look. uh-huh, exactly. we're just at the edge of this very pretty forest, and it looks a little dark in there, doesn't it? there's probably bears in it.
no no no, hey, don't cry yet. i haven't even told you what we're doing here. see, i wanna play a game, alright? it's like hide and seek. i'm gonna untie you in just a second and let you go in there, and then i'll come looking for you! doesn't that sound fun? and because i'm feeling nice, i'll even give you a five minute head start.
(ah ah- don't be rude. what do you say when someone does something nice for you? there we go, that's a good little lamb.)
now, in the interest of being open and truthful with each other: i'm going to find you. i mean, honey, you don't even know where we are. i've been in and out of this forest my whole life. it's really a non-starter. so when i find you, i'm going to spread those pretty legs open and fuck your tight little hole until you're just screaming and crying and god, it's going to feel good. for me, mostly. but who knows? maybe you're a little more sick in the head than i thought you were. wouldn't that be interesting?
let's get you out of this rope now, hm? ready? alright, poppet. run.
#i love being condescending. anyway#trying out dom posting for the first time!! howd i do lads#jay speaks#[cnc.]#primal play#switchposting#ftm cnc#trans cnc#cnc brat#bd/sm community#t4t cnc#bd/sm blog#bd/sm kink#primal kink#queer nsft#transmasc nsft#ftm nsft#t4t nsft#trans nsft#mlm nsft#rough cnc#feral#dom posting
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thinking about that audio on tiktok rn that’s like “a boy would be the son of france, but you marie thérèse shall be mine” but applied to my Heartfilia ocs so it would be Cake saying “a boy (Cassiopeia) shall be the son of The Crystal Empire (or just say the son of Conquest), but you Cashmere Pashmina shall be mine” (Cake is still very much a bad mother but that doesn’t mean there weren’t moments of softness and what could be seen as love towards her children, especially Cashmere)
#anyways hi#like idk#I picture Cake being like several notable mothers in media#mother gothel being a big one#so like but condescending and like not as loving as thought to be#but like able to act nurturing and caring#there’s a reason why Cake is Cashmere’s most beloved family member despite everything and it’s because Cashmere believed she truly loved#her! never mind the fact that deep down she probably knows that isn’t true. why would she want to acknowledge something as painful as yet#another family member hating her or only viewing her as an object and a doll?
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regardless of the "learn how to be alone" dravel, being lonely actually is really bad for your mental health and can be very painful :p
#i've been doing so so bad#and i've had breakdowns frequently this past week#and i dont have friends or family or a partner or even a therapist lmao#so im alone and thus only feeling worse and worse#my mom has been in an unusual bad mood lately so i havent been able to talk to her at all#but today she asked me to go to her to the store bc she wanted me to buy smth#and on the way we watched the snails and she found them cute (she has never appreciated snails before)#and now i instantly feel a bit better and a bit more normal after only 15 min of hanging out with her#it's so easy for ppl who have family or friends or a partner to judge and criticize me#but like.... u have ppl close to u and u know nothing abt what it feels like to be in my position#it's so condescending and lacking of compassion#i dont understand your pov either but at least im not TELLING YOU directly how much i judge you#like ppl judge me so hard for feeling miserable in my loneliness... but it's easy for u to say those things#like u dont feel my despairing loneliness bc u have a fkn partner. u have fkn friends. or a fkn family. easy for u to judge me from up ther#anyway im much better at being alone than most ppl bc im still alive and im enduring the pain every day#other ppl have ppl around them 💀 only others who are all alone can understand how much it hurts#and it wont be fixed by loving yourself or loving to be alone or whatever other bs they use to criticize u ._.#being alone IS harmful to your health. there are studies on it and im not just making that shit up#i AM allowed to feel pain bc i dont have anyone#ugh esp ppl w partners who can receive physical and romantic attention.... when they judge me.....#stfu forever u have no idea how i feel 💀 and u could never know simply by having had a partner at all...#but yeah. it bothers me too bc i NEVER see someone on here and go#damn i hate this sm i gotta let them know by sending them anons or vague post abt them#like i dont get up in their faces and tell them all my judgemental or bitter or hateful thoughts abt them#even this post is only bc other ppl have taken the liberty to without my consent or having asked tell me directly how pathetic i am#how im not allowed to feel alone. how i have a victim mentality so on and so forth#i never tell other ppl things like that. even if i think them (which honestly i rarely do unless they're extremely toxic TO other ppl) i wo#say shit abt it to them.... ??? like why?#when i sometimes see like ppl have friends on here or talk abt their partners i can feel bitter and jealous#bc im surrounded by seeing things i so deeply crave but im not a humanbeing worth of those things
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You fill the room with sun, hold me close and let me breathe. I am foreign to that kindness.
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Some soft moicy, featuring my latest obsession which is to cover everything in flowers. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed drawing it!!
Closeups:
This piece is also available on my INPRNT, if anyone wants to buy this for themselves!
#moira o'deorain#my art#overwatch#overwatch 2#moira overwatch#ow2#angela ziegler#moicy#mercy overwatch#moira x mercy#I love these two sm#anyway I really like the idea of Moira being someone who has a lot of emotions that are bottled up deep within her#and for whatever reason it’s very hard for her to show a lot of them#bar anger and whatever emotion can be associscated with her condescending ass attitude#but when she’s in the right environment and with the right person#she can just slowly let herself unwind#I imagine they both have alot of built up emotions#but Moira especially is like fucked UP emotion wise#I’d be very suprised if in ow2 pve she DOESNT have some sort of breakdown#cos that shits impending#anyways rant over sorry guys 😿😿
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well mark that down as situation 2938489 that I don't know how to handle
#i would love advice on this if y'all have any thoughts to share because i know what my parents think and im having trouble sorting it out#i love these three friends of mine but it is really draining to be around them now because all they will talk about is church drama#(re: our old church) and rehashing it all and being Outraged about the horrors etc etc#either that or being downright condescending about protestants/non denominations and acting like it's funny to talk like that all the time#i end up being more angry or resentful or exasperated at the end of our conversations than glad and at peace like i did before#(before all THIS ish happened and the three of them were like okay this is all we're going to talk about now)#i've tried to say in gentle ways (i am simply not capable of this kind of blunt confrontation) that maybe we should not be talking#so uncharitably towards other people especially behind their backs. like. yes bad things happened. we have to acknowledge that.#but continually making jokes and jibes at a priest's expense really rubs me the wrong way especially since i KNOW that he loves us#and in many ways was trying his best in the circumstances. and are we not supposed to be loving our neighbour#and is this not downright slander to keep going on this way esp since it goes on for HOURS at a time#anyway i don't know what to DO because if i keep chatting with them/meeting up with them conversation will be 90% this thing and i Hate It#but on the other hand i feel responsibility towards them because my godson's one of them and another is a friend who is a fairly recent#convert and if i leave them to stew in their own echo chamber i doubt it'll do them good#am i supposed to keep some distance? am i supposed to keep arguing whenever one of them says something unkind or inflammatory?#am i supposed to keep speaking up so that they hear a different perspective? am i supposed to run in the other direction for my own peace o#mind? anyway i am still thinking this over and it stresses me OUT#it used to be fun and life giving to be around these people and now it is so exhausting and seriously alarming in many ways
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see I am very disjointed from a lot of nine/ten fandom discourse because I genuinely believe that in a different world where space boy was not to be seen, had an older Rose gone to the hospital and bumped into a certain Doctor Jones by a vending machine or as she was taking Rose’s vitals, she would have instantly hit it off with Martha. and probably flirted with her a little on accident and then on purpose when Martha flirted back
#I can see Martha raising an eyebrow as she catches Rose (who definitely snuck out despite being on bedrest) by the vending machine#Rose probably snuck out of bed because the girl in the bed next to her was crying and she wanted to make her feel better#because she doesn’t really like hospitals either#and when she tells Martha this she’s surprised when the Doctor (who seems quite strong and a little serious) suddenly smiles#and shows her a trick to get extra sweets and chocolate out of the machine#and then tells her to hurry because the check-in sweep of Rose’s ward is about to begin#you just KNOW Rose would be Martha’s most combative patient but in all the best ways#always asking what that machine does. what that incomprehensible doctor scrawl means. if there’s something she can do to help other patients#and Martha loves it. loves how much Rose cares just like her. they gossip and they chat about their daily lives. they get closer#everytime Martha has to scold Rose for sneaking out of bed or doing something she shouldn’t#(even though she secretly adores it. she’s never really mad she just wants Rose to take care of herself as well as other people)#she sighs and says (in her most firm but still fond tone) ‘Miss Tyler-’#only to be struck in the heart again with a cheeky grin and a ‘yes Doctor Jones?’#and also Rose loves that Martha is a doctor. that Martha cares. that she works overtime. that almost all Martha’s patients love her#and the ones that don’t just aren’t kind people anyway. that Martha doesn’t condescend. that Martha cares and cares and cares#that Martha likes all the things about Rose that other people think make her difficult and trouble and too much#she likes the things that other people don’t like in Martha either. thinks she’s magic.#Rose Tyler is always going to love her Doctor. and Martha Jones will always love somebody who thinks everybody matters#I’m like. obsessed with them?? move OVER space boy (actually nine can get involved in this. lmao ten stay away)#they’d have been so cuteeeee#rtd failed to see the lesbionic possibility but I am no such coward. no fighting over boys here#martha jones#rose tyler#dw#doctor who
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I'm never having kids and I don't really like kids but, wow man, never associate me with people who call themselves "childfree", what a cesspit I stumbled across.
(Funny thing I did witness though was some childfree people basically advocating for parents to kick their kids out onto the streets once they turn 18, which, hello horseshoe theory!)
"Society has a problem of treating it as the default that everyone will want kids, and making people feel forced to have kids or they're failures, and it leads to bad things all around for both adults and kids. How do we fix this?"
"Get rid of the very concept of parenthood and the existence of non-adults."
#they literally became the ''breeders'' they hate just in the other direction#(yes they really call people ''breeders'')#''my choice should be respected. your choice is stupid and the best i'll ever give you is condescending compassion''#''you can't force me to do anything i don't want! i wish i could force people to not have kids#''not for the kids' sake cuz fuck them i just think those people are stupid and uneducated''#saw someone say their biggest fear was THEIR FRIEND getting pregnant#at this point can they please just cross over into being extinctionists or something#these people really seem like they consider it a crime against nature that reproduction exists and people aren't born as adults#anyway don't mind me i'm just using tumblr as a weird diary gfuyihudsa#i'm still particularly blown away by that one talking point that was utterly indistinguishable#from the opinion of ultra ''traditional'' parents who push the ''tough love'' ideology
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being into sci fi 🤝 being into music: absolutely no escaping the "oh you like ---?? For real?? NAME FIVE ---- THEN BET YOU CANT LOL" crowd
#me at the beginning of 2024: god I really need to be social again I need to leave the house I should get back into music#I should meet other musicians again and jam and get back into doing gigs so I can make new friends#*steps outside my bubble for 1 minute* ''not being ''sexist'' or whatever ok so dont go off but good female guitarists just dont exist lol'#...... *disappears back into bush Homer Simpson style*#WHYYYYY and how are these people everywhere !! literally nowhere is safe lmaoo#I think I just have a face?? idk I'm like a MAGNET for mansplainers and condescending idiots for some reason#(it's not even just my country either random dudes have approached me to give unwanted lectures in the US and Wales too fhdjsfk)#not to mention countless times on the internet (which is partly why I have like zero personal info here. it has been lovely so far)#I hate using this excuse(?) but I genuinely think it gets 10x worse if you're openly not from the anglosphere#anyway I'm not mad I just found an old forum account and was reminiscing :))))#someone actually interrupted a convo to make me prove I was a Real Trekkie by asking to explain who shran was gfdhsjk good times
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I showed my housemate a picture of all of the available babies together and he was like that's a lot of babies and I was like well I'm not getting All of them that would be too many and he was like "honestly if you were getting all of them I would tell you no" and I know he was probably mostly joking but I'm still like. excuse me
#it just felt so condescending? like girl I am an adult#its an enclosed animal that you never have to interact with or see any kind of consequences from#idk it felt so like 'I have the authority to make decisions for you' in a way that irritated me....#like he almost actually wasn't joking at all#idk I just don't take kindly to being patronized and never have#this particular housemate has Really been getting on my nerves lately in general tho#like he is 25 or 26#and he manages to somehow both infantalize himself and act like he's the victim of every situation#and pretend like he's the only mature person on earth#its very annoying#I had to help this man do his taxes#and like theres no shame in that but I've had to help him figure out Multiple standard adult tasks#all while he complains that he's Just A Little Guy :(#and then goes around being patronizing#idk it just irritates me like.... you are an adult perfectly capable of doing all of these things pull yourself together#I don't mind complaining I LOVE complaining and hearing people complain#but he's WHINING#and that annoys me#anyway. I'm a fully capable adult human and if I wanted to make the bad decision of adopting 10 baby rats no one could stop me#ghost posts#text
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there is nothing wrong with character death when it's meaningful, forecasted & not for shock value, & narratively significant. send tweet
#i narrowly survived s4 of the magicians on syfy i am strong enough to withstand this#anyway. much love to everyone who is upset rn you are so so valid & i do not mean this to be condescending in the slightest#im just very drunk rn and i feel similarly abt this as i did abt the character death in Bly Manor#(which i need to rewatch btw)#might feel differently when I'm sober but like#gay people die too. and in case y'all forgot this IS the killing and eating people show. like. hello#i love a good tragedy...#and also... chances on lot being haunted next season the same way Shauna was in s1??? SOOO high#like I'm sad but. she drew the queen. i knew this was coming in the back of my mind.#time to write lots of hurt comfort fix it fic#yellowjackets spoilers
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I’m not going to reblog the post itself because I don’t want that behavior on my blog, but oh my god I just saw a post about “looking for fics about your favorite character on ao3” and good lord the amount of bad takes both in that post and in the notes?? I have to just ramble about this for a moment because oh my god. it was ludicrous.
people were complaining that, and get this, unfinished fics exist. and that if you read an unfinished fic you’ll have to, get this, wait to read more until it’s published next. they were allll up in arms that there’s fics for a character that don’t cater to their specific interests. that they involve other characters and either do/don’t put them in a romantic relationship when they want the opposite for the character.
like at this point, most of you people in the notes on that post are 1) just being mean and condescending about FREE WORKS you can, may I remind you, READ FOR FREE and EXIT at ANY time! if you don’t like it!, don’t read it!, it’s so simple!, and 2) straight up do not know how ao3 works lmao
like I saw soooo many people in the notes complaining about a certain ship, dynamic, tag, etc, and like… y’all know you can filter by romantic vs platonic pairings, by ratings, by excluding certain tags or other qualifiers, etc etc etc… you know about ao3’s actually incredibly usable filtering and searching system… right… right??
at this point I’m just convinced a lot of these people are spoiled by large fandoms with 100k+ works for their characters and have decided to just be mean and condescending for no reason on main, about literally free fan works you can read for free any time that people spend hours and hours pouring their free time into out of sheer love for their craft. cuckoo bananas behavior if you ask me 🫠
I was legit so close to commenting that maybe they should try shipping two characters with <10 fics, with 0 fics, try liking a rare pair, try hyperfocusing on a character or niche type of fandom with a tiny but lovely circle of fans, and stop treating fan works and fic as Content TM that they deserve to have handed to them that caters to exactly what they want for free and maybe they’ll calm down lmao
like y’all aren’t cool you’re just being mean. we fundamentally approach fic in wildly different ways and honestly the way you do sounds exhausting. literally could not be me, I’m to busy finding joy in shared love for characters and not flipping the table in a rage because there’s one (1) element of the fic that isn’t specifically catered to me, maybe try that and you’ll feel better, hmm?
and yeah I’m aware that last sentence is me being condescending towards them, but frankly it’s warranted when so many people are being that mean and haughty for no reason lmao but truly those takes were horrific. fellow fic writers and even fellow fic readers I interact with, am mutuals with, authors whose works I read, readers who comment and interact with my works, fans of niche fandom subsets that run in the same circles as me— I hope you know this is so wildly not how I approach fics, I love just finding fics for my characters and forming these lil communities where we share our interests and love for them and hype each other up. I love what we have in these fandom niches and I hope you know I would never dream of being so mean and condescending towards y’all. fic writers and readers and fan communities are so special and I cherish it even if clearly there’s people in the notes on that other post who don’t know how to do that lmao. I love your unfinished WIPs, I love your fics that may only partially be what I’m looking for, I love when you write characters in a way I wouldn’t expect but shows your love for your particular headcanon, I love the variety and diversity and variance in fic. I love us. genuinely. fic writer moots I am hugging all of you and I frequently reread your works, even the unfinished ones. ♡
#personal#god this turned into a rant but sometimes I’m just shocked by how.. mean and condescending and holier-than-thou some people can be about fic#about works people write FOR FREE because they LOVE a character/ dynamic/ etc so much they can’t NOT let that love pour out into a fic tjat#once again you can READ FOR FREE HELLO#like god. maybe those people need to try not being a condescending bench (to quote Eleanor) and maybe they’ll feel better and be able to ac#tually participate in the wonder and joy and delight that is fan communities and fic communities idk man#I’m convinced some of it is people being spoiled by large fandoms and also not knowing how ao3 works at all#but like. this is not a streaming service this is an ARCHIVE it is a LIBRARY do you know how to use a LIBRARY#hello??? if you don’t like a book you can return it and borrow another???? not scribble in the margins about how you don’t like it???#like literally w h a t.#unhinged behavior and not in a cute way.#being mean isn’t cute it’s just being mean. condescension won’t magically make your dream fic scenarios appear. sorry (not sorry tho)#anyways. there was no way in hellllll! I was going to reblog that post and bring that whole mess to my blog. so instead. making my own post#(somewhat like people who can’t find fic they want could also just make their own but yknow 🤭💋)#anyways fellow fic writers and readers I interact with and am friends with ily ily and pls know I never think of your works like that in a#million years ok ❤️❣️❤️ I’m sorry some people are Mean I’m so glad the people I know who are fic writers + readers aren’t like that ty ty
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just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf
#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS!#bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol#its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people#who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc.#blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others#but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much.#it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge)#it's very.. codependent#i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a “oh i didnt know you watched#stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique media“ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching#and when she does she tells me about sitcoms ..#so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc#well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly#and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how#patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned#into a spectator#despite very much still being a fellow player#and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?)#i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving#so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense#theyre kicked out of “the club” whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone#she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury#and then art is just in the middle of it all#and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi#and then he just became her little follower#he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway!#the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic:#patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport#(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way)#z.post
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do u have any particular sexuality thoughts abt eddie the way you do abt steve?
not really at least in the same way? i don't think!! :0 w steve we have a lot of basis to go off of bc we get 4 seasons of specific characterisation expressly to do with how he interacts with romance + girls + his own reputation thereupon so it's really fun to extract stuff from that but with eddie he's sort of more of a blank slate but also funnily, in comparison, we do get a LOT of character building back story and development even through implication that makes it a different kind of interesting thing to gather stuff from 🤔 it's also funny that we know way more about eddie's home life than robin OR steve's LOL literally just funny...
i think it's fun that the gay hc is so popular with eddie and i get it he is a little gayboy tbh and i also think it ties in significantly with how... you can tell from extrapolation and just basic like, relation that eddie is this guy who was outcast by society BEFORE he developed his own counterculture against it and the way he wears his specific type of anti authoritarian anti mainstream bubble wrap is in line i think with some sort of intrinsic part of him, and others, that he may feel he needs to protect and defend against. a not insignificant part of a lot of actual counterculture is being against the bigotry and oppression that goes hand in hand with society at large and, fundamentally, the loudest voices against oppression and the leading forefront will always be and SHOULD always be the victim and survivors of it, and a gay metalhead with a punk rock attitude in the 80s is the easiest thing in the world to imagine. i think we as like lgbt people and anyone else who has a certain hand in... allyship can pick up on this really easily with eddie and see ourselves in that part of him that feels different than the same vein social ostracisation like, dustin and mike go through, even if on the surface it appears similar.
so yeah basically i think he's literally gay. i don't know if the quote unquote gay CODING was intentional and i'm going to go with a definitive Not but i will enjoy the spoils nonetheless. i also think it's significant that a lot of the real life inspiration for eddie specifically WERE gay kids and probably that is where this unintentional coding springs from... the hunt the freak line is a very important one to me as well for this specifically with that it's him and robin, a canonical gay woman, meeting him on his level without skipping a beat. this is also where i disagree that obviously his death was not "bury your gays" because anything picked up on was not something that was figuratively put down 😭😭 the duffers did not have EDDIE circled on a whiteboard with 💯 GAY -> pointed to it we literally just think he's gay.
also just bc i kind of side stepped the sexuality hc itself unintentionally HEH i think he could also be bi sure and all this remain true!!! though i don't think he had any feelings for chrissy (and to me reading that scene as him having a crush on her comes off... different. soz.) potential age gap notwithstanding. i think bi eddie could be fun and also hilarious bc it means he had even more of a quote unquote chance and still erm. committed virgin sacrifice </3 i do agree with the like general consensus of him being bi feels different if only because erm... there is a lack of actual evidence that he is inclined one way or the other and being assumptive of his supposed attraction to women in order to undercut the gayness is like a very classic homophobic. thing. and also weirdos ruin it
if eddie is bisexual i think it is purely in theory for him as well as us (lol) and he would probably be SO annoying stoner-esque "why limit your love to just one half of the population mannn" type about it despite never getting any bc he's scared of girls in a gayboy way. also i do not see truly any part of him being some sort of behind the scenes suave seductor of women DESPITE what the horny minded may or may not think... he is not looming over any girl being some sort of manic pixie edward cullen reject he goes home and neurodiversely plays the same chord over and over again on his guitar then passes out wearing jeans he is literally a wet eyed loser not a wattpad BAD BOY. My poor little princess RIP
#asks#TWO MORE THINGS. but this got long so tags#i think it's also significant that with his home life u can (IN A NORMAL WAY -_-) gather what kind of background he had b4 wayne#and wayne's actor himself (who recently came out as gay!!) agreeing and saying basically like. wayne took in this kid for a reason#and like yes that reason is he loves him but because he loves him in Spite#and his staunch refusal to think eddie killed anyone is indicative of knowing a lot of deep down parts of a person. and also that's his dad#i also think wayne is gay... :) he's a bachy guys COME ON!!!!#AND SECONDLY! i think if he is gay or bi or whatever he is comfortable enough within it to as much of an extent as you are#so like#personally i think he has no real problem at least before The Horrors of being attack mobbed. so i do think any feelings he might've been#nursing for steve were entirely intentional and like. um. all positive? does that make sense...#Ohh the puppy love.. gotta love it#but that doesn't mean he can't have complex feelings abt it tho it is incredibly condescending to see straight ppl try and write Gay Pain#or i guess depict. bc it's not always writing#anyway LOL... i don't talk about eddie much on here which isn't intentional either but i can. i love him :)#sts#🍦
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🕸🎀˚.⁺⊹
#so i have an appt. to the psychiatric department for personality disorders tmrw...#and like i tried sending a self referral to them last year lmao#and they only said that heyyy you're doing amazing sweetie you are high functioning 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻#then i've ben to the health care center and since they think they cant treat me bc it's too severe they've sent referrals to other places#which have all declined me... so they also sent one to the psychiatric who sent a referral to this pd department#who that time also said that they can't accept me#so the therapist at the health care center like idk exactly but she sent a report on how they didnt handl my case properly#which made them call on me for an evalutation appt.#but i have 0 hopes. i honestly think the entire psych care is fucking lame and bullshit#i highly doubt they're even equipped to treat personality disorders#& even if they are theire budgetis getting cut bc ppl love having rightists ruling the government .... which means no funds for healthcare#anyway. PLUS it's a man.... -_- which reducuses my chances of being taken seriously even more...#i also hate talking to male therapists/psychiatrists... no fucking thanks. but i have to </3#i just really dont wanna go. like im gonna have to put energy into trying to argue for my right for treatment. w ppl who should inferstand#UNDERSTAND* i hate typing on my ipad ffs. they should understand my personality disorders..#bit health care proffessionals are horrible ppl and dont give a fuck abt their patients lol. so they're only condescending and rude 🤢🤮#i hate being in these environments bc everyone treats u like shit. the receptionists are so fkn rude and almost outright mean and insulting#the doctors and therapists and psychiatrists are all bullies who look down on u and make u feel small and worthless#so im really dreading it... but im also at my wit's end. i am missing out on my entire life. im desperate for help#even if i wholeheartedly believe that these worthless wastes of space wont give me any treatment i'll still need to go and try#then ig i'll just have to keep pestering the healthcare system. i might wventually even have to start going to the psych. ER so they put#that on my records and like idk. that costs money tho. plus from everyone i've heard from...#being at a psych ER esp when your situation isnt dire is awful and hell#my cousin who had been ther after a sui attempt had said that it 'scared him straight'#and that it was so terrible that he did everything to get back home as soon as possible and do whatever to never end up there again#so yuh... i'd rather not!#i was supposed to (my own decision) to write a list with ALL my symptoms and bring and be like LOOK MONGREL!!!#but since i suffer from avpd...... i havent. i procrastinated and now it's too late whoopsie. i'll just have to wing it fuckkkk 🥴#ofc it also has to be 8.45 .. so early in the morning for me im so mad ahhhhh i dont wanna go i am throwing up and screaming#but atp i'd have to pay $35 myself for not going so that will motivate me enough to force myself to go
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I used to think I’ve never related to the “I think I know more about american girl dolls than you do genius” meme but then I remembered the truly insufferable man who worked at my local record shop and acted like I knew nothing about anything when I had been going there longer than he had.
#he was so condescending and rude I never went back !#I don’t collect records anymore anyway but truly what was his deal.#ugh I just remembered the man at the guitar shop he was just as bad#I was buying the sparkly purple bass (who I LOVE by the way her name is killsong 💖)#and he was acting like I was an idiot#now I remember why I never pursued my dream of being in a rock band or any music related career lol#I was a teenager in both instances btw#nothing more rage inducing to a teenage girl than being looked down on
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putting a man in my screenwriting tv show concept with shaking hands knowing the fandom would completely disregard the sapphic main characters for him
#teeth gritted rn giving him the worst most normal average joe name. bc i want no one to care about him#ive learned my lesson being a tma fan#fandom would rather sympathize w a shitty man than have basic empathy or understanding or respect for a woman#im adding a shitty boyfriend to the story bc it needs outside conflict. so robin has a lowkey misogynistic bf lol#hes the type of guy who seems normal until you express any sort of interest in traditionally feminine interests#and then he turns into a filmbro whos going to explain the concept of cinematography to you#but if you get to ambitious and start to be more successful than him he starts bitching about chores and how you dont love him bc you-#were to busy with work to cook dinner for him#its not perfect on robins side ofc. shes becoming intertwined w this woman at work even if it seems antagonistic and shes starting to-#-ignore him in favour of aria who is giving her the excitement and mutual respect that her shitty bf has never given her#aria may think she is the most evil disgusting horrible woman on earth but she doesnt condescend or think robin is incapable#robin is in fact so capable she is singlehandedly ruining aria's life lol#anyways thats my oc rambles <3
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