#first of all you don’t understand my point at all
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matt loves when you overstimulate him
── .✦. ──
“c’mon sweet boy, you can do one more right?” your hips coming to a halt, letting him gather his thoughts and try to speak up with something other than whines and babbles. “yes, yes mama! p-please don’ stop” his hands tightened on your hips to move you while he desperately bucks his hips up into you.
you giggle at his neediness and start bouncing up and down faster once again, hearing the hisses and moans under you only makes you go faster. all while under you he continues to slur his words while trying his hardest not to come, not without your permission of course.
“look at you, my big boy—“ your thighs starting to burn from the constant movement as you point to the prominent bulge on your stomach, your hand goes to neck — gripping softly. “i said look matt, or y’want me to stop?” he hisses at his real name being used, he whines at your vulgar tone and shakes his head no. “no! no please don’t stop- no” his eyes shooting open, looking up at you with a pleading look.
“then look sweetheart, y’so big for mommy — filling me up so well, yeah?” your grin makes his eyes roll as he groans and throwing his head all while muttering nonsense. “y-yes m’fuck! m’so big for you mommy, c-can i come..?” his heavy breathing and teary eyes almost make you give it to him, but you wanted to make him suffer just a little longer. you had been spoiling him all night with orgasm after orgasm, you wanted to have some fun now.
“no baby, you can come after mama, ‘kay?” your thumb caressing his bottom lip, trying to soothe him. “o-okay, i-i’ll be good f’you” you then slip your thumb between his lips, watching him eagerly take it into his mouth and toy with it. “good boy, always so eager to please hm?” he nods quickly and starts to buck his hips up harder, feeling you coming closer and closer to finishing.
your moans are getting mixed up with his as you reach your peak, trying to muffle them into his neck all while praising him. “yes- yes! oh — my precious boy, you’re so g-good, so perfect-“ he interrupts you with begs and cries to let him cum, all while he’s on the verge of tears.
all it took was a simple yes to have him crumbling underneath you, as he wraps his arms around you and fills you up. “m-mama, mmm” he could barely understand what he was saying, before he could get another word out you shush him, placing a finger over his lips. “just calm down baby, i know, i know.” all while stroking his messy hair as his eyes fluttered shut.
- avery’s note ˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆。-
first time writing mommy kink… I LOVE SUB MATT. I NEED SUB MATT. i chant loudly, ANYWAY! im so sorry for being lazy with putting stuff out, i literally wanna delete all my fics so bad. (also this wasnt really an “overstimulating” fic i kinda went off BUT WHO CARES.)
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - @ellaapsworld @chrissv4mp @jetaimevous @mattsbrowser @submattenthusiast @flouvela @sturniolosiphone @chrislova @sophand4n4 @mattsfavoritestar @mattslolita @y3sterdaysproblem @strnilolover @cayleeuhithinknott @cherrynflowergarden @sturnsmia @slut4chris888 @marrykisskilled @chaossturns @emely9274 @sturn777
#— ⋆ ˚。 writings .ᐟ ꩜#sub!matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo blurb#matthew sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader
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Jason “my family doesn’t know im alive” Todd and Danny “my family doesn’t know I’m dead” Fenton going alongside each of their plans my beloved. like Danny will absolutely go head-to-head with all of Gotham to support his new best friend on all his crime lord endeavors while he drags Jason to also attend collage with him. They are roommates and there never seems to a mention of family from either side. It’s an unspoken understanding they have. They met because Crime alley as a ghost lair thrummed with so much loneliness, it was at first the perfect place for Danny to hide his ecto signature in. But then he saw the dumbass whose lair it was lean his motorcycle just a tad too much when making a sharp turn to an alley, he sweeped the floor through a lifted chain link that passed his body but not his helmet. Yep that’s right the red thing got stuck. Danny who at the moment happened to be watching through his window snorted. Much to his horror because if not a ghost that dude could’ve gotten his head flung off.
Still, the scene was ridiculous.
On a whim he irrationally sees the police closing in on the guy and panicked at the thought of the guy using intangibility to free himself so Danny phased them both through his apartment wall and left the guy sprawled in his couch. Jason didn’t freak out but that’s normal when one’s got a concussion, one the guy immediately denied having as Danny laid out the medical supplies. The idiot proceeded to almost flatten four steps to the door with his stubbornness. He also said “I’m asexual” in the most deadpan voice as Danny dropped him back in the couch.
Danny sighed. Clearly though, he’d done so too early in the night because the guy kept trying to go, kept trying to knock Danny out, kept trying to slash him with knifes Danny didn’t know he had stashed. He’d only disarmed the guy from his guns. The visible ones apparently, cause at one point the guy did take out a gun and shoot until the ammo ran out and then teetered the thing like it was an art prop and hit his moon lamp.
Danny "yeah you aren’t officially my friend until you’ve tried to kill me" fenton my guys.
Anyways both keep having the same argument over if Danny technically kidnapped Jason or not. Danny holds the fact that the police at least didn’t see the guy make the ridicule. Jason argued that happened cause he was sporting a concussion. Danny argued he got that after.
Jason at first thinks the guy's a meta, but no. Danny introduces himself, sheepily now that he recognizes this is who the lair he invaded is from. He bandages him and tries to cook for him. If Danny didn’t have ice powers he most certainly would’ve burned the apartment. Jason then proceeds to kick him out of his own kitchen and make them both enchiladas. It’s the most normal both had in a while with another person and the air seems oddly settled. From then on, Jason constantly invited himself over, under the pretense that this was his territory and therefore he could drop in unannounced. Danny who has actual powers says he only allows this because Jason cooks very well.
Danny stays away from the crime fighting business unless his buddy is in deep shit he can’t get himself out. Also it’s Danny’s turn to cover for his vigilante friend which Sam and Tucker give him so much shit for. (but also advice)
And they were roommates. (omg) Danny effectively derails Jason’s big comeback plans by casually dropping ghost lore every two days. Like,
Jason, talking about how he doesn’t want Bats snooping on his territory:
Danny: Just don’t let them in
Jason: ??
Danny: yeah!! Hasn’t Batman died and got revived??? You can totally kick out death touched people you don’t want entering on your lair.
Jason: …I can?
Danny: Yep dude, your lair’s supposed to feel safe.
Jason: wait does that mean I can kick you out?
Danny: First this is my apartment. Second, im dead, not dead touched. Third, it’s too late to get rid of me. bitch.
Anyways Jason is super excited. You mean to tell him he can actually deny people over to his territory haunt?? (Yes it’s only to people who have died and came back but still!! The sample size is exactly the type of people he doesn’t want to see—!)
Joker my beloathed can’t step foot in Crime Alley.
(Jason’d feel a lot safer if the clown was dead but the possibility of his murderer turning into a ghost and their little loophole not applying on the clown is too scary to contemplate.)
Anyways, Jason loves experimenting with the power. It can go from simply making people shudder and not want to enter crime Alley to straight up not letting them enter like there’s an invisible wall blocking the way.
Jason because he’s hurt that Bruce never even patrols Crime Alley and also because he’s petty put B under the category of “invisible wall” blacklist. His reasoning is that the man doesn’t even attempt to enter Crime Alley. To him it’s surely just a place shadowed in tragedy. (anyways that’s it’s the place he met Jason)
Ironically, Jason totally forgets that Batman does venture into Crime Alley one day in the whole year. The day he met Jason.
Okay. He didn’t forget at first. The first year Jason remembers cause it was only a few months till then but then the next— Jason forgets that today’s the anniversary of the day’s Bruce’s parents died. He forgets to allow B in when he feels a slight tug and dismiss the feeling that prompts Bruce to investigate because he literally can’t enter Crime Alley. He starts the trialsTM, he scouts on the very edge and sees people the whole day enter and get out and cross with no problem but Bruce can’t.
It’s literally just Bruce.
Time to call Constantine, i guess.
#bat shenanigans ensue#JSJSJS okay so i dont have a well versed timeline of events but two years after utrh who HASNT died of the batfam#cause those are the ones who are gonna go undercover to find what shady shit is this: )#im going with timmy cass and duke#sorry steph i KNOW you have died#the others have plausible deniability from my part#the trio is gonna come down hard on this unsuspecting pair#let's just say constantine just had one spare magical rune for each of them so they'll be able to identify who was powerful enough to do it#and duke found civvie jason. cass found civvie danny and tim also found jason a la squared. in his red hood get up later that night#the only useful photos are from tim's side but anyways since they got three suspects (one suspected to be the other. so really-- two)#they decide to split each other up and tag one each (whoever doesn't get the correct guy loses)#tim calls dibs on the twink. cass rolls her eyes and narrows her eyes at the red hood and duke smirks when he gets to keep his guy#he's not cheating if he didn't protest to getting to have the guy he already saw the aura of. he's sure he is IT#coincidentally duke happens to be the only bat jason doesn't recognize (and vice versa)#meanwhile cass is gonna be the one shadowing red hood which at this point he doesn't kill that much since he has his rules verymuch enforce#he does kill tho#so at some point they're gonna clash but at the start of the investigation no#let them be siblings your honor#big sis cass and her little brother 6'4 jay#and tim finally is gonna be the one to smoothly get himself in the conversation with cryptid roommate civilian danny fenton#genius dumbasses protection club#their first meeting is of course arranged but no less meet cute coffee shop au#anyways jason wants to know why the fuck hes got a bat tagging along with him so out of the blue and also why can't he fucking chase her of#cass is curious about how the red hood's mood constantly changes within her range yet he never attacks her despite his hurt-longing-anger#the boy who doesn't make noise fucking screeches when she sneaks up to him#and duke fucking brings his hands to block the chernobyl reject glow stick sun that's stands next to tim#while tim looks like his whole system is rebooting cause that's jason todd#dp x dc#danny phantom#jason todd
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Ok let’s break it down shall we:
In season 4-5 I could already see the shipping potential with the concept of an angel pulling a faithless man out of hell, and said angel who is a robotic soldier suddenly starts to feel emotion after interacting more and more with said man.
Insane foundation already but I did think of how castiel seemed to already have a fascination with humanity after I saw his chat with uriel at the park where he tells dean that not only does he think all humans are works of art but that he already has doubts in heaven and in his absent father. Dean IS the one to inspire him to ultimately rebel and discover free will but I could excuse it as mainly a personal journey that you could certainly just say is a budding friendship. Setting aside the fact that they would constantly look at each other for long moments in a really charged way (for castiel I could say he’s a cosmic being that is unfamiliar with social norms or human emotion so staring intensely can be a byproduct of that but I don’t have an excuse for dean’s reactions to it, you can tell he wants to be threatened but my guy looked enraptured, if not ignited by it)
It wasn’t until season 6 and the episode The Man Who Would Be King that the “oh they’re so gay” hit me.
You’re telling me that this angel has been around for eons, witnessed the creation of everything on earth and observed it’s many big events, but did not start to feel emotion or act out until he met dean?? And he champions dean’s mission of free will even when he doesn’t fully understand it himself when the other angels ask him. I can say this is still apart of his personal journey but at this point I cannot deny that dean is the one that really spearheaded it forward. He starts a whole war in heaven so that he can maintain dean’s mission and so that his sacrifice (his brother) was not for nothing. The fact that cas’ bad decisions were all based on the fact that he just didn’t want Dean to be involved because he was finally retired and at peace so he had no one else to turn to except crowley. He really cares about dean’s happiness THAT much, that is a mighty intense feeling to have for someone to me.
Then they emphasize the fact that dean is the one who feels the most betrayed by cas after struggling to even accept it in the first place. There’s a lot of intensity within the dialogue in the scene they confront him about it, and they’re sure to give me a close up on only dean to make sure I know how he feels about it. The eye contact in that scene really goes crazy because there was so much there on a deeper level, It was like you could see how they both realized the betrayal was breaking the trust between them but they were still wanting to hang on to that connection because it was something they both cherished, the way dean looked back before leaving? Insane.
That episode was the main hit for me, but it was largely mainly on castiel’s end. The main hit from dean’s end for me was when I saw the purgatory flashbacks in season 8.
In season 7 it seemed to me that dean was very effected by cas’ death and handled it in the classic dean winchester way of internalizing it all, but we get lines here and there about how bothered he is by it whenever his concerning behavior is somewhat addressed. Before Cas even had a chance to redeem himself after what he did, Dean seems to have already forgiven him, defending him once cas re-gains his lost memory and says he deserved to die. This showed me that the connection they had meant as much to dean as it did to cas.
And he really shows how much it means to him with how he fights tooth and nail to get cas out of purgatory. Cas literally disappeared once they got there, making it look like he abandoned dean, and then actively ran away from dean because he thought he belonged there. Yet dean was so insane that he hunted down cas’ location, caught up with him and dragged him to that portal. He literally had a way out that he chose to ignore until he found castiel, and was willing to die to get him out. Dean very desperately wants cas to be around when he gets out, he did not like how it felt when he previously wasn’t. Again, that is a mighty intense feeling to have for someone to me. Especially with how his memory literally changed what happened because he couldn’t handle that cas was left behind??
I do think a big part of this storyline is showing how dean thinks everything and everyone is his responsibility because of the way he was raised by his father as a hunter and protector. But we’ve seen this in dean since the beginning, while not fully addressed until now, it’s not new, so the fact that they used castiel to further show this side of him is very insane. Leaving Cas in purgatory would effect nobody on the outside except Dean, Dean made it his personal mission to get that angel out even after everything he had done, and that level of intensity was another major hit on the Destiel train for me. That and the gay ass reaction dean had when cas walked out of the bathroom when he got back from purgatory???
anyway, I’m only on episode 8 of season 8 rn so that’s all I’ve seen so far.
y’all I am so sorry for years I assumed that gay ship in supernatural was just a delusion that people overanalyzed and claimed queerbait for no reason cuz I’ve seen that happen a million times but now that I’m actually watching the show they really were gay as fuck LMAOOOO
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Arcane actor AU scenarios!
☆*:.。. o(≧▽≦)o .。.:*☆
Jinx and viktor have a sibling dynamic and they always goof off on set despite not having many scenes together. They always get in trouble for talking during scenes they aren’t in and they are constantly told to stop laughing so loudly.
Vi has embraced the flop duo title and calls Jayce her “floppy.” The crew then surprised them with chairs that say “flop duo.” Jayce proceeded to cackle so hard he had to be escorted off set to get a breath of fresh air.
Caitlyn and Jayce love to film TikTok trends together and they did the “give me my money” prank on viktor. He hit Jayce with his cane.
“Ok so what is this?”
“Ok so me and Jayce have been seeing this thing on TikTok and you have to say “just give me my money” and then after wards we all clap.”
“Yeah! But you have to be dramatic or like funny when you say it.”
“Uhm? What’s the point in that? I don’t understand the joke.”
“We don’t either but everyone is doing it.”
“Hmmm… okay? I guess I’ll do your tic tac.”
“Ok I’ll go first… ahem… just give me my money!” Caitlyn struck a dramatic pose and Jayce cheered and whistled as viktor just clapped.
“Alright… just give me my money!” Jayce said it in a weird accent that made them giggle and they both clapped, Jayce clapping for himself.
“Ok… uhm. Just. give. me. my. money!” He said in a sassy tone and he smiled at the camera before he realized he’s been set up. He looked at Jayce and Caitlyn both of them averting eye contact and just snickering amongst themselves. Viktor took and deep breath, grabbed his cane, and threw it over his shoulder like a bat making Caitlyn and Jayce shriek trying to run away from him.
Mel made a secret group chat with Caitlyn, Ekko, and Viktor where they take pictures of their cast mates sleeping in their trailers. They make it a challenge to see who can take the most absurd awful picture. Ekko always wins because he’s always taking pictures of Silco with the .5 camera setting. Mel comes in second place taking pictures of Sevika since she sleeps with her mouth open.
Vander is seen as father figure by most of the cast mates and he always comes to set even in scenes he’s not in to make sure everyone is doing ok. He helps them with their lines, grabs them coffee, etc. He once had to give Jinx a serious talk because she was doubting herself as an actor. The conversation ended in them both crying and hugging each other.
#arcane actor au#arcane actor au is living in my head rent free please I can’t get this out of my head#Jinx and Viktor being sibling coded#Actor au to cope with the season finale#arcane#league of legends arcane#viktor x reader#vi x caitlyn#jayvik#vi x reader#caitlyn kiramman#Cait vi#vander#silco#mel medarda#Jayce x reader#sorry for the random tags
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since you asked for hyun-ju ideas, here am i 🙂
Imagine being her girlfriend and finally managing to hype her up to wear something more feminine for a date (like a dress or a skirt), only for that confidence to be shattered by some strangers on the street ;((
so, after a bit of comfort, you just need to prove how they were wrong, and show your sweet girlfriend how nice you think she looks on that outfit *wink wink*
ft. cho hyun ju x f! reader — squid game
╰₊✧ hyping her up to go out wearing a skirt for the first time┊0.7k words
contains: fluff with suggestive content at the end!! gender dysphoria & insecurity but mainly euphoria, established relationship, reader is shorter
➤ author's note: i went off prompt and didn’t do smut for this one because i really just wanted to focus on her gender euphoria moment, so sorry (also this is my first time writing for a trans character centered around gender identity! my knowledge mainly comes from having an ex girlfriend who was trans and told me about her experience, but if i got anything wrong or need improvement for something, please tell me so that i can improve and do hyun-ju justice!)
she stared at herself in the mirror, almost in disbelief at first at the reflection looking back at her. it’s insane how a little bit of makeup and stylized outfits could completely transform her appearance, the magic being something she’s heard about plenty of times but has only been able to witness at this moment. her fingers nimbly adjusted her hair, brushing it back before pushing the front stands forward to frame her face, and then flying to her pleated skirt to straighten it out. her heartbeat was all over the place, both from the happiness of finally feeling like herself and from the anxiety of planning to go out in public like this.
hyun-ju paused at the thought of that, looking back at herself and suddenly focusing on all of her insecurities again— the more masculine features that other people would point out and whisper about from her face to her frame. she looked at her bare legs and found the contrast with the dainty piece of cloth too stark to ignore, finding herself crossing her legs and wondering if she should just wear pants like she usually did.
self-consciousness started to consume her entire being and thoughts about it not being enough raced across her mind, taking in a deep breath and considering just taking it all off to stay in for the night. the last thing she wanted was to get harassed by some assholes on the street just for trying to be herself, especially when she knew you would yell back at them and a fight was very much possible as it happened in the past before ending with you in the hospital for a broken wrist (the other guy was in a much worse state, but she still didn’t like the idea of you getting injured or possibly even arrested for her behalf).
“babe, are you finished changing?” you called out and broke her out of her thinking, but you entered before she could say anything. she cringed slightly and closed her, feeling embarrassed until she heard you gasp in pure delight, “oh, you look so beautiful!”
the heat radiating off her cheeks from being sheepish quickly changed to that of being flustered, “r-really?”
“of course!” you took her hands into yours, spinning her around like she was a princess wearing the most luxurious ball gown ever crafted even though it was bought at a local mall, “i knew this outfit would look good on you, it really is your color!”
“right, i was just worried it looked weird…” she felt a little stupid expressing her concerns, but she knew you were understanding, “i just feel like… i don’t know, i feel like i’m too tall to wear something like this…”
“being too tall isn’t a problem! personally, i would kill to be your height and to have your legs, and i know plenty of other people would too. it’s a trait that lots of top models have, so you don’t have to worry about anything!”
your words made her crack a smile, feeling the initial confidence flood her and your arm wrap around her waist as her gaze returned to the mirror once again with both of you admiring her beauty. seeing herself in your light was always enlightening like she was a completely different person in the best way possible, and she was so grateful to have you as her girlfriend to pull her out of her negative thoughts.
“well, we better get going. if we stand here always just staring at how pretty you are, i might not be able to control myself and we’ll be home all night,” you teased, standing on your tip-toes and kissing her carefully on the lips so as to not mess up the tinted gloss.
“i don’t think i would mind that…”
“don’t tempt me now…” the fluffy atmosphere became charged with a familiar tension with your touch lingering on her skin, one of your hands traced up her thigh with sinful ideas forming on how you could mark up the unblemished skin and ruin the makeup you wanted to preserve a mere few seconds ago.
after a few seconds of heavy silence, you finally pulled her to join you on the bed, all teasing smiles and lust, “well, we can just order an uber instead of walking, we can spare ten minutes. that’s all the time we need, isn’t it?”
#📜. her works#cho hyun ju#cho hyun ju x reader#squid game#squid game x reader#oh god when am i going to post an actual one shot
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if you ever wanted to hear my every thought on fitzier you're in luck because here it is! this is extremely long so it's going under the cut and if you read it all, i love you
fitzier- shame, performance, and the freeing ordeal of being known
oh man okay here we go everyone, if this sucks or is too stupid or too anything feel free to kill me
essentially what i want to try to convey here is that the reason crozier and fitzjames go from enemies to friends to lovers is because they both see each other and see themselves in each other in a way that frightens and compels them, hence the early enmity with a tinge of familiarity and desperation to connect thrown in. with the inevitable evolution of their relationship i really think it becomes about learning to be vulnerable with one another, to give each other space to be who they need to be, both to each other and their subordinates, and finally coming to a point where fitzjames, the most performative insecure character in the story (to me), bares his entire soul to crozier, whose own character development allows him to give james the gift of acceptance and compassion in that moment. i’m not going to go episode by episode like i did with my joplittle post but this is more or less in chronological order with maybe a few exceptions idk i get possessed when i write this stuff
the first scene we’ve got to look at is of course the dinner scene. james is absolutely showboating like no other in this scene but in his body language you can see he isn’t confident at all- fidgeting, gesturing, exaggerating, the voice he tends to put on in early episodes prevalent. but when crozier interrupts him you can see for a split second that james was actually excited to get attention from him until he realizes what he’s saying. in the early episodes james craves crozier’s attention and approval so badly because he knows that crozier doesn’t bullshit and he sees things for what they are and isn’t afraid to voice that either and despite the fact that this sometimes makes james uncomfortable as it is not in line with victorian ideals of emotional expression and masculinity, i think james, given the kind of man he is at the start of the story, craves the recognition of a man who he knows would see everything in him. early early early foreshadowing and story weaving for the cairn scene where he realizes “he can tell this man anything. it is possible”
what i also find fascinating about early james and francis is that they still refer to one another in a very familiar way despite the fact that they openly dislike each other- it’s always first name basis even when they’re arguing. also interesting to note that crozier in the beginning will often call him “fitzjames” in front of others when he’s discussing him when he’s not in the room, but later on he makes sure to always use his proper title when he’s talking about him in front of the men- showing james respect even when he dislikes him. i think he doesn’t understand at the time that james’s familiarity with him is an attempt at respect as well (the whole ‘don’t ever call me francis again’ scene). it might be a stretch but i do get the sense that from the very beginning they both tried at being friendly, even just for the sake of maintaining order in command.
when francis says “here technology still bends the knee to luck james” in ep 1 he says it with almost a mentor-like cadence. like yeah they’re both being a little bitchy here but god knows franklin wasn’t giving fitzjames any real or pertinent advice about surviving and navigating the fucking arctic so i find it interesting that crozier almost gently reminds him that yeah they’re making decent progress but that it would be foolish to let their guard down
one of my favorite early fitzier scenes is after dinner when crozier, franklin, and fitzjames are all on deck and fitzjames like sidles up to crozier and looks him up and down and just goes “goodnight francis” with that smirk on his face- he was trying so hard to flirt with him while also being an insufferable bitch with “try to shake the brown study”. but also james lingers so long waiting for francis to say something to him and then shakes his head and walks away to go bitch to franklin about him- i think he is truly hurt in this instance along with being angry and annoyed. and i love that complication because on one hand, i do think that fitzjames thinks that crozier owes him friendship or at the very least recognition because of who james believes himself to be, or at least who he’s trying to be- like he DOES probably see crozier as being beneath him as an irishman but i do think he genuinely wants his friendship and approval as well, for self serving reasons but not entirely. it’s about fitzjames and his desire to be seen by everyone around him in a certain light but also about his desire to be seen specifically by crozier because of who crozier is and how he acts in contrast to everyone else around them
next on the agenda is “dramatic opening shot”... fitzjames girl you are the most dramatic man in the fucking room. the projection is crazy. what this scene reveals most importantly i think is that another thing about francis that james is secretly very envious of is his ability to openly disagree with franklin. there are so many moments later on where you can see that james doesn’t fully believe in what franklin is saying or commanding (the way he looks at him when they realize they are trapped in the pack, the ways he looks at him when he tells fitzjames to escort silna off of erebus right after her father has died) and i think that he envies francis’s ability to challenge franklin and not care what the consequences are. anyway the staredown during this scene is crazy, the tension??
moving on… beginning of ep 1 crozier says “not if fitzjames is with us” in reference to jop saying dinner will be over before he knows it, and at the beginning of ep 2 fitzjames says “do you think francis will honor us with his presence today”- for two people who allegedly hate each other they sure do think about each other and find reasons to bring each other up in conversation a lot!
ahh the scene with silna’s father- fitzjames is so interesting to me in this scene and really illustrates one of my favorite things about him in the earlier episodes which is that when he goes silent his face journeys are amazing and really convey his true feelings that he won’t say out loud for various reasons. he watches crozier so much in this scene and looks to him for understanding and guidance which is also interesting because i do think that in this scene he’s watching silna, a woman who he probably sees as subhuman and alien, reacting with such grief and tenderness to her father’s death and probably thinking of his relationship with his own father. i know a lot of people speculate that he was just feeling empathy for her there and i do think that’s part of it but i think that to show that in his mind would be to out himself as being “not fully english”. i think i make this point later on in the story too but fitzjames really does that classic white supremacist thing of distancing yourself from “otherness” in order to align yourself with imperialist beliefs and status- he does it with silna and he does it with crozier. sorry this is also turning into my fitzjames character study lol.
the scene where crozier walks out after his big blow up with franklin… i get that james really didn’t have any place to try to hide the fact that he was eavesdropping but i find it so interesting that he decides to turn to face francis and look him directly in the eye. from what we can see of his expression i personally think there was at least a small amount of sympathy there. another attempt to extend friendship and familiarity while actively participating in crozier’s humiliation… god i hate him lol. and the face that james is making when francis first walks out before he turns around is contemplative, not like smug or triumphant or anything like we might expect given how much he seems to dislike crozier at this point. and francis looking back at him… there’s no anger there, just sadness and humiliation and it sucks. i would truly do anything to be able to see james’s face there, in the script it says that crozier can tell how much james heard from the look on his face which like??? could mean so much.
okay the face journey when francis walks into the erebus wardroom after sir john dies… his eyes stay on fitzjames who’s obviously extremely distraught and i wonder if crozier has ever seen fitzjames show genuine emotion up until this point? crozier then looks to blanky, who also looks to fitzjames almost as if to say “look at him, attend to him” and the sorrow and vulnerability on francis’s face when he looks again to james who is of course also showing a vulnerability we haven’t seen from him before. i love the note in the script that fitzjames isn’t used to being this candid or vulnerable in front of a man he doesn’t respect but he does it anyway. and i don’t think he knows how much sympathy crozier does have for him despite how callous he may come across when he says to send out the rescue parties. they both just fail so spectacularly at communication and expression early on, it’s crazy to see
when francis begins reading from the eulogy and stumbles over his words fitzjames gives him a very sharp look… i think he clocks his alcoholism starting to really affect him right away but may also be looking to see if the stumble is due to emotion or the alcohol. ugh and the look he gives him at the end too… it’s so piercing and there’s an anger to it as well. almost a “please prove me wrong but i don’t believe at this point that you will”. because for better or worse now they are linked, intertwined, married and they have to find a way to make it work.
ohhhh the fitzier dinner scene my beloved… “as i climbed the ridge” is such a parallel to james’s chinese sniper story scene!! AND this time it’s fitzjames who derisively interrupts crozier. The parallels, the callbacks… the look he gives fitzjames is crazy when fitzjames says “you should curb that for now” but what i find the most interesting about this scene is that the script makes a point to say that fitzjames was being sincere when he said that to crozier- there is care and concern there underneath the frustration and anger. and then it’s also wild that in that moment, fitzjames clearly reminds crozier of sophia. the way the narrative almost shifts to replace crozier’s love interest (sophia) with his burgeoning relationship with fitzjames is soooooo. i just love this scene because they are both trying so hard to be vulnerable and open with one another but they are both failing so spectacularly just like in the scene after sir john dies. they don’t have the respect and rapport between them yet to back up what they desperately want from each other- a connection. a camaraderie. leadership and capability. fitzjames tries to be sincere in his concern for francis but it is overshadowed by his frustration and anger towards what he views to be a sour outlook from crozier, and crozier attempts to be vulnerable with james by sharing about sophia only to be met with the knowledge that franklin has humiliated him yet again by discussing that topic with other people aboard the ship. and i think fitzjames does truly pity francis in that moment but it also frustrates him that that is the reason he’s here, for love, not for a yearning for adventure or glory- which i would venture to say is why fitzjames is there. fitzjames went on the expedition to prove his worth and francis went for love and they both ended up finding exactly those things from one another i’m dead.
oh and also why the fuck does fitzjames arch his slutty back against the wall when francis walks out of the room like that one scene in hannibal y’all know what i’m talking about. okay and i forgot about the way fitzjames jabs his finger at francis all up in his personal space which is just so unlike him. it is also worth noting that francis doesn’t get angry at this- he actually stills for a second and then continues to tell james what he was going to tell him. again there’s that strange familiarity they have despite the fact that they hate each other at this point. and that’s to say nothing of how they’re sitting in the first place which is so close to each other idk it just seems a little crazy to me?
i also find it so so interesting how james chooses to be honest with francis once he accidentally reveals that franklin discussed the whole sophia thing with him- he could’ve deflected and said like “oh yeah he mentioned it in passing’ or something like that but he chose to tell francis the truth of the conversation! francis really brings out an honest and candid side to james that we don’t see him put on for anyone else and i think it’s because deep down he knows that no matter how shitty, francis is always going to respect being told the truth vs. all of the obfuscating language that is so typical of the time. i think this is also why in the next episode francis insists that everyone leaves after he punches fitzjames and fitzjames is very resigned to it as well- they both know that it’s going to be ugly but they both want to hash out the truth of the situation for better or worse- like yeah they are at each other’s throats and they want the catharsis of screaming at each other because they’re so mad at each other here but i also think they crave honesty and candidness in their interactions- james because he feels like a fake and francis because it’s his nature- but both because it’s what they want from each other. and back to the dinner scene- just another look of genuine hurt from fitzjames when crozier says “keep your pity” plus the whole reason crozier even says that- i don’t think he expects pity from anyone at this point and doesn’t know how to respond to it.
in the scene where fitzjames says they should question silna about the creature crozier makes a point to say he agrees with him- he does this a couple of different times throughout the show and i think it’s a very small but important detail about how even when they aren’t on the best terms he makes sure to show james respect in front of the officers. and like yeah they end up yelling at each other here but i think that’s more james’s grief showing (again he shows emotion in front of/because of francis) and francis’s stress showing as well- that “we’re all exhausted” is very aimed at james but also an attempt to explain his own state of mind. they’re trying!!!!
the lashing scene- i don’t think we’ve ever seen fitzjames actually afraid of crozier but he definitely is here. he’s clenching his hands so hard throughout the whole scene and he keeps glancing at crozier as he allows the lashing to go on and even nervously gulps at one point. i think this along with crozier’s worsening addiction is a huge catalyst for where we find them and their dynamic in ep 5.
and speaking of which- at the beginning of the episode you can really see how their communication has just completely broken down. edward is basically bridging the gap between them and the resentment is growing. i know that the alcoholism is part of it, we can only assume that fitzjames started to keep his distance once he could tell it was getting bad, but i also think a lot of this is fall out from the lashing and how it affected the way fitzjames felt about crozier as stated earlier. and another aspect of the widening gap between fitzjames and crozier is how erebus is the very picture of order while terror is literally and figuratively falling apart
the fact that fitzjames told collins to watch out for crozier running out of alcohol on terror is further evidence that fitzjames was around a bit to witness crozier’s alcoholism getting really bad and isolated himself after that. he’s angry but he knows it was coming
ugh man the fight scene- the fact that james came himself, alone, to terror to talk to francis as a friend (straight from his own mouth in the script of their argument) about the alcohol issue. even though james is furious and stressed and shouldering the whole expedition, he still attempts to care for francis, it just ends up blowing up in his face and that’s when he lashes out. the way he says “francis” at first before crozier freaks out on him is in such a sincere and gentle tone and just the fucking genuine hurt in his face and his tone of voice when francis tells him to never call him by his first name again. fitzjames cared when francis was at his fucking lowest but still held him responsible and that’s love baby.
the body language is crazy when they’re yelling at each other or i guess when fitzjames is reading francis lol- and the way crozier can’t take his eyes off fitzjames when he’s telling everyone to get out. he’s so ready for this fucking throw down because both of them have been holding this in for so long. crozier is amped up but fitzjames is resigned to finally getting it all out in the open. he wants it to happen and he knows it needs to. even after getting punched in the mouth by him (i don’t think it’s any accident that fitzjames literally bears a scar from that punch and that it comes back open when he’s dying of scurvy) fitzjames still calmly tells everyone yes get out and says what he needs to say. i love the transcript of their argument because it’s so brutal but it really illustrates a kind of fucked up intimacy that we aren’t 100% privy to between them. crozier knows exactly what to say to james to hurt him- telling him he doesn’t have friends, he has admirers and that james has always been mad that he isn’t one, that james is a coward despite the fact that james is facing this down no matter what it takes in order to literally save crozier’s life; and james knows that all he can do is soldier through and lay the truth of what is happening on francis in a way no one else has dared to except for silna minutes before. james really goes out of his comfort zone- being honest and sincere and vulnerable for the sake of the expedition but also for francis. and i’m reading this back and wondering if i’m being too generous to james here but tbh he had every right to be this angry at francis at this point in the story!
ha fitzjames walks into the “i need to dry out meeting” looking all submissive and contrite… but for real his face is so open and entreating in this scene. he’s still annoyed but he wants so badly for things to go right. and you can see in francis’s expression that he is so ashamed to have to ask him
mmm and part of fitzjames coming to love and respect crozier is seeing jopson’s devotion to him in this scene… he’s never seen crozier be admired the way franklin was and i think this is a whole new way for him to see him. and just in general here i think that james “reshuffles everything he thought about the man” and he admires crozier for the way he put his humility and vulnerability in front of him finally and admitted to his wrongs, something i also don’t think franklin would ever do and didn’t ever do, to his and the entire crew’s demise. fitzjames followed franklin and looked up to him in the pursuit of his own vanity and the narrative he tells himself to cover the shame, but he learns to respect and love francis because he watches his evolution as a captain and as a man without any of the obfuscating that he’s used to from authority figures. he watches francis claw his way out of his own shame, the shame that drives him forward and i wonder what kind of ideas that gave fitzjames and how it influenced his own decision to share everything about his past with francis later
what i love about the opening scene of ep 6 is that we see how fitzjames’s leadership has been influenced by franklin and francis but specifically how he is acting more like francis- he does do a little bit of the whole “how dare you bring up anything unpleasant” thing when he yells at jirv for mentioning the number of men and when he does the whole “oh it’s just winter, we’ll feel better with the first sunrise, encourage the men with that” thing but it’s interesting because although we’re hearing echoes of franklin here, fitzjames is still trying to be more honest and open to feedback than franklin was. he doesn’t exactly take jirv’s advice on rationing but he does ration a bit. he is doing the whole toxic positivity thing with his “use that to encourage the men” line but he is also recognizing how hard everything has been for everyone and using an actual tangible event to lift spirits rather than referring to meaningless bullshit about god and country. and the simple fact that he seeks blanky’s advice and knowledge is more than sir john would ever have done in a scenario like this. he understands from blanky’s story about ross that he himself hasn’t been doing enough to combat the horror of their situation for the men, he understands that he must do more. even the way he asks ‘what do you mean’ when blanky says ross had no sympathy for the ill. to not care for the ill is an alien concept to him. tt’s so interesting because fitzjames occupies a space not dissimilar to francis’s- he has access and power in the hierarchy of the discovery service but, within his own mind, he is still an outsider. crozier on the other hand is a visible and tangible outsider due to his birth and his nationality. everyone can see it and i think that’s also part of why fitzjames is so antagonistic towards francis in the beginning- the projection goes crazy and in the true spirit of colonialism and white supremacy, james believes that if he can make himself as far apart from someone like francis as possible and align himself with men like franklin and barrow despite sharing way more similarities with francis than he does with them, he can succeed in upholding himself as the vision of victorian masculinity and social worthiness that he so desperately tries to emulate- this is what i was thinking about during the scene with silna’s father where he’s reluctant to fully show his (partial) sympathy to her
the line from the script that kills me is when it says a clock has begun for fitzjames once he discovers the blood in his hair… god it kills me, he knew he was dying for months. for literal months and who knows if he even told anyone but… i do think he had to have told francis at some point. it makes me so sick, it’s literally why the cairn walk scene happens- he knew he was dying, he knew it and one of the last things he wanted before he died was for someone to see him, truly see him flaws and mistakes and vanity and all before he died. and he wanted that person to be francis
gotta include the scene where james tells edward that francis was right about walking out- this is a huge turning point from ep 1
it’s so funny that when crozier and fitzjames see each other at carnival you can tell james is like “oh shit i’m in trouble” but crozier is just slightly amused seeing him like that and even though he finds the carnival strange and sees how reckless it was, he doesn’t chide james or the men about it even though that’s cleary what james is expecting. crozier empathizes with their longing for home and their need to do something happy and uses that momentum to tell the men about walking out and doing his best to reassure them about their chances. the way fitzjames looks up at him and nods along with him- i don’t think we’ve seen fitzjames look at him like that yet up until this point. he is seeing francis for who he can be as a competent captain and we are seeing crozier really step into that role. i also think that francis was relieved that fitzjames saw the urgency in walking out and that he wasn’t going to have to convince him the way he would’ve had to convince franklin. their leadership is finally syncing up here, built on humility (francis admitting he had an addiction and choosing to do something about it, fitzjames admitting how wrong he was about francis and his use of caution and logic) and respect (i do think crozier respected fitzjames for trying to build morale to the best of his ability and i think fitzjames respected francis finally behaving like the captain he needed him to be)
during the fire there’s a small moment where james is frozen- no doubt from ptsd which he deserves- and francis sends him ahead to look for an exit, telling him to go. he fucking loves him!!!!
poor fitzjames.. like yes the ghosts of his colonial past and all that of course which i will never not fully support him being subjected to but damn. and i don’t think he shrugs francis off because it’s francis or because he’s angry with them, he is punishing himself and francis sees that and lets him do what will help ease his own guilt and pain. tt is a moment of understanding between them i believe- fitzjames showing vulnerability in front of a man he now respects while adding another failure to his own personal checklist he keeps against himself (i can only imagine he does anyway). francis’s attempt to show him care and understanding while not undercutting his usefulness is also such an inspired choice for what he knows of fitzjames. you can really see the care starting to sprout between them here. i can only imagine what the rest of the winter was like but i feel like by episode 7, their dynamic has just completely changed, their entire vibe is different. and their love couldn’t have happened until they left the ships so it came at the worst and best time.
and by ep 7 their dynamic has just so completely shifted. even the fact that they are supervising the packing for the walk together and this may be real delusional hours but sending edward ahead to make the first camp instead of one of them going is a little interesting to me. i believe he’s technically the next in line for leadership after fitzjames but like did francis and james want to spend time together? with crozier finally dried out and knowing james’s time is almost up? them finally in a comfortable and friendly place? i love their conversation during the packing scene because fitzjames is voicing a concern to francis who calmly explains his reasoning and when fitzjames continues to press his own doubts they remain civil, familiar, acknowledge one another’s thought processes etc. a scene like this could NEVER have happened in episode 1 or 2. i looooong to know what they were like together during the winter after carnival
you all know i am INSANE about the fitzier hand holding scene, no one can match my freak on this. tt makes my stomach flutter every time i see it. it is my pride and prejudice hand clenching scene. first i want to acknowledge the quote from the script- “at one point, the only thing keeping fitzjames from sliding back into oblivion is crozier’s hand, but half the importance about the act is that fitzjames reached for it.” this KILLS me more than anything else from the script. and honestly at this point in the story i am becoming convinced that james told crozier about the scurvy, they knew the whole fucking time, they knew. they are literally marching to their deaths, against all odds still going, still trying and they are falling in love. the way james gazes up at francis in awe when he sees the offered hand and doesn’t stop looking at francis when he is up on the ridge. crozier doesn’t even turn to look at james, but he does make sure to stop and wait for him and extend the hand that he knows that james needs. Based on honestly even just this alone i am convinced that crozier knew about the scurvy already. there’s no fucking way he didn’t. and then the way james grabs francis’s jacket and holds on while they stare at each other, crozier smiling- it’s so interesting to me because it very much tells of finding an excuse to touch crozier again, as if he was so in awe of the touch that crozier initiated a few minutes before that he needed it again. he was trying to find a way to touch him again in that “this has to be acceptable by victorian standards of emotional and loving expression” way. and crozier accepts it! he smiles, he meets his gaze. there’s triumph there. and don’t think i didn’t fucking notice that the hand that francis keeps is the hand that held fitzjames’s hand and that also held his face when he was dying.
in the scene with morfin, as soon as crozier notices that james is there he makes sure to maneuver over to james so he can place himself between james and the gun despite the fact that he is unarmed and james has his pistol with him. i don’t necessarily doubt that francis would do this earlier in the story but i can say that he does this here as a selfless act of love and protection
and then the jop promotion scene yay the way james looks at francis with admiration and curiosity when he hands him the promotion letter to sign and the way james smiles at him when he reads it but not just because of that- but because of the words francis uses and the way francis is looking at him, saying someone “has earned our respect (looks to james), trust” and fitzjames smiles and nods- it’s not just about agreeing with him about jopson. this is how fitzjames feels about crozier now and the fact that crozier even in this small subtle way acknowledges that he DID need to prove himself to james after his behavior during the winter. their dynamic is just so much different now! at the end when everyone is shaking jopson’s hand, fitzjames gives crozier like… the most insane loving soft look… he looks so so happy. i don’t think we’ve ever seen him look like that before.
and now we are at the cairn walk. i again have to say how during this rewatch i become convinced of the knowledge that crozier has to know that fitzjames is dying. there’s just no way he doesn’t. the conversation they have about it does not convey that james is telling him this for the first time. tt more so implies that they both know but don’t speak of it often and james is updating francis with the vital information, the stages he’s at. what made fitzier happen was them leaving the boats, james dying, crozier getting sober, them both laying it all out on the table in different moments of vulnerability- crozier with his addiction, james with his heritage. the way those scenes parallel each other is actually crazy. james is fucking dying, they are all marching to their deaths and the knowledge that they are doing so is slowly sinking in, and all james wanted before he died was for crozier to see him, all of him. even the parts he was afraid to tell anyone, even himself. and francis isn’t even granting him a mercy, he isn’t sparing his feelings. he truly and genuinely accepts james for who he is, how he came to be a part of the expedition. they have both known from the start that beginnings and heritage don’t matter, it’s the actions that people take that makes them who they are. in different ways they both knew that and i think it’s part of what aligned them eventually. and from the script- james realizes he can say anything to this man. it is possible. crozier gives him the space to do it. and just the way they’re laughing and joking and being light with each other- another thing we never would’ve seen in the earlier episodes. okay focusing on some details now- when crozier says “that’s not how i see you” james literally stumbles as if he can’t believe crozier would say that to him. in the beginning of the scene francis gives james space and privacy when he sees him getting emotional about graham and franklin’s deaths and struggling to remember the date of sir john’s death. they communicate with a single glance there, james asking for a moment and crozier giving it to him. the grief on francis’s face when james tells him his latest symptoms. when crozier initially tries to comfort and encourage james… and james can’t accept it because he hasn’t told him everything yet. he doesn’t know if he can. i don’t want to get personal but that feeling that if you only tell part of your hidden sorrow to someone and they comfort and accept you and show you kindness, that feeling you then get that no no no you don’t know the whole of it and if you did you wouldn’t be showing me this kindness, you wouldn’t love me, you wouldn’t respect me. you wouldn’t see me. i genuinely can’t imagine the relief that fitzjames felt when he told francis it all, he told him everything and all francis gave back was love. also we can finally start to really see the bruise that francis gave fitzjames in ep 5. i love when fitzjames literally and metaphorically closes the gap between them. and francis waits for him until he is by his side again. “are we brothers francis” the tears, the attempt to laugh/smile them away until he sees that crozier is with him in this moment and taking it as seriously as it deserves to be. again the joining of the hands, the one that crozier keeps. they look at each other’s mouths, into each other’s eyes, the way francis dips his head to look at fitzjames when fitzjames ducks his emotionally. it’s insanity
when they get back to camp and listen to hodgson’s story and then go to see jirv’s body, they exchange a lot of glances, specifically around the times that hodgson mentions hickey- they are of one mind on him and on how the situation actually played out. james also watches francis a lot in the scene where they go to see jirv’s body. he looks to him for leadership now and doesn’t become irritated by his anger or his candor. this really persists for the rest of the episode - in the scene where crozier is yelling at edward about supplementing the marines all james has to say is “francis” and then basically talks him down from yelling at edward more, another scene i don’t think could have ever happened between them earlier in the story but james knows how to quell francis now. and this is such an interesting parallel to ep 5 when everyone was taking their shit out on edward; this time fitzjames protects him. but anyway- james and francis are just so in sync in every scene in this episode- they back each other up, communicate through glances, emphasize each other’s words and authority. yay<3
all right you’re all going to have to bear with me on ep 9 because it makes me crazy.
we gotta start with the fucking grief and pain in both of their expressions when they’re taking care of pocock and how this scene itself foreshadows the assisted suicide later
the look of absolute love and faith from fitzjames when crozier is telling them they will keep marching south and the “more than god loves them” scene- this is francis at his most captainly- and james is echoing his hollow vanity stricken words about franklin but really really meaning them about crozier- he says them to no one but himself, there is no performance here and crozier’s words aren’t a false display of empathy and care like franklin’s were for david young and fitzjames sees this.
fitzjame and crozier are hauling in front side by side- it makes a point to mention that in the script too.
when fitzjames falls… ugh. he hauled until he couldn’t anymore, direct call back to when blanky said ross sat atop the sledges- oh and when francis and fitzjames were caring for pocock together vs ross having no sympathy for illness. when james falls he reaches for crozier without even looking at him at first and you can hear crozier saying “it’s all right, it’s all right” when james is saying he can’t stand the heat. dundy and bridgens are lifting fitzjames up too but when he stumbles, when he reveals his wound, when he stumbles again, he is only looking at crozier the whole time. and the look on crozier’s face is one i don’t think we’ve seen from him yet. i noticed too that he’s holding onto fitzjames with his left arm and rubbing his back with the other before he takes the rope off of him.
i want to say about the following scene where james is laid up in the boat that i made a joke once to my friend about when crozier reaches into the boat and how it looks like they’re holding hands- but they actually are, it’s in the script. there’s just something about crozier’s face when he talks to fitzjames in later episodes, there’s such a softening of the edges to him, his expression is less guarded and more attentive and earnest. and the call back to their first scene together with the chinese sniper story…. the fucking fondness in both of their eyes as they laugh together, which was probably james’s last time laughing. when crozier says “there’s time” but that’s the tragedy of this show- there’s never enough time. everything happens too late.
james screaming in pain and crozier running to him and barely letting bridgens finish his sentence before he tells them to camp here also in the script during the officer’s meeting right after, they can hear fitzjames screaming in his tent :( i’m honestly kinda glad they left that out.
and here we are at THE fitzier scene. i could talk for hours about this scene. francis is holding james’s hand, rubbing his shoulder. james looks so young and frail and scared here and he uses some of his last words to tell francis he wanted him to live because he knew he wouldn’t be around to tell him that anymore soon. francis shaking his head when he says it as if to say “not without you”. in the script, when bridgens leaves it says ‘he looks at crozier. he looks at fitzjames. he understands”... and later during james’s funeral when crozier says that he had a service with james, just the two of them, peglar and bridgens exchange a very interesting, knowing look. to choose those two to react that way? idk man. fitzier real. but back to the scene- god okay crozier taps james’s chest twice in question and then just barely audible fitzjames says “please”. ugh the sad smile crozier gives fitzjames before he gives him the drug… then he places his hand, the one that crozier doesn’t lose, so gently and lovingly on james’s face, and even in his current state james looks almost taken aback at the gesture. when crozier tips the drug into his mouth his expression softens. i will never ever in my life forget the way james looks at crozier in that moment, the look of gratitude, love, farewell, of pain, longing, childlike fear. (nobody is doing it like tobias). crozier ever so lightly brushing james’s lips with both of his thumbs before he begins to massage it down and carefully wiping the excess away. they never stop looking at each other. dave k said that the service that crozier mentions happened before fitzjames dies and after crozier gives him the drug.
the last thing i want to say about the james death scene is that i was never that invested in the concept of cannibalism as a metaphor for love but fitzjames asking crozier to eat his body and live really really stuck in my brain- just their entire insane journey that i’ve been sitting here thinking about for months- acquaintances to enemies to allies to friends to lovers for it all to culminate in this final scene of fitzjames begging crozier to eat from his body and begging him to give him the final kiss of death all as crozier never once looks away or lets go of him. fitzjames loved him so much he was willing for crozier to desecrate his corpse if it meant francis would live, even without him next to him but crozier loved him so much that he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t add that act to his already impossibly devoted actions.
and the action of hiding james’s body because crozier doesn’t want tuunbaq to destroy it but then it turns out that someone at the very funeral ends up leading the mutineers to tear fitzjames’s body apart themselves. just like jirv not getting to keep the final gift of the seal meat even in death, crozier couldn’t do james this one last mercy even though he tried desperately to.
and this last part is a bit of a stretch but okay-along with the shirt and the gloves of fitzjames’s that crozier is wearing after his death i think he might be wearing his little neck thing too, so sorry y’all i do not know what it’s called and i’m locked in trying to finish this and i’m not googling it lol. but we see fitzjames wear it a lot throughout the show and francis does sometimes but it’s very much a fitzjames piece so i think it might be his too. and with the funeral scene and the blanky scene, we see the mismatched gloves clearly for the first time but i’m pretty sure the first glimpse is earlier in the episode when they’re hauling before fitzjames collapses. dave k still confirmed they had switched gloves but it really seems that this happened before james died, likely when they left terror camp. i still contend that crozier and fitzjames both knew james was dying and this may have been why they did it.
and on to the last episode and closing thoughts- in the last ep i was really keeping track of the gloves- he loses them at some point and i wanted to see when and it’s between the scene where he talks to hickey and when he’s chained back up in the tent with diggle. i hope he somehow hung on to them.
i will never forget how my stomach dropped out when i saw hickey wearing fitzjames’s boots on my first watch- the fucking sorrow in crozier’s face. he doesn’t understand the meaning just yet but when goodsir is cleaning his wounds and tells him they ate gibson, you can see crozier put it together that that’s why hickey has fitzjames’s boots. his expression turns from shock and grief to rage.
hickey really clocked crozier with the shame comment and you can see how it triggers crozier. this is a great confirmation because it really pervades the story and fitzjames’s story as well. they are both driven by shame, by a need to prove themselves but go about it in completely different ways. fitzjames is all bravado, flowery empty words and boasting to cover his origins, his feelings of inadequacy. he aligns himself with the empire and with those in power and distances himself from anyone he knows will be deemed lesser than in the hierarchy in which he exists and specifically pits himself against someone like crozier in order to bolster his own social standing. crozier on the other hand is hardened to his station, he has no way to hide his nationality or his origins no matter how capable he is and how long he’s been going to sea. crozier feels the shame of things like sophia’s rejection and not having straights that they sail named after him but hides it with his bluntness and his lack of decorum when pointing out the truth of a situation. james has everything crozier wishes he did, but crozier is something that james wishes he could be- just himself, despite his societal ineptitudes and barriers. i believe that this basis and the way it melds and breaks down and comes to a way of understanding between them is why fitzier is so strong, and so real and so visceral, especially at the end. honestly there is so much more i could say but i think i’m going to leave it there and just saw that i hope crozier thinks of james from time to time in his new life. i find it hard to believe he doesn’t.
#the terror#fitzier#james fitzjames#francis crozier#this kind of turned into a bit of a character study on fitzjames as well but hopefully you all just see that as a bonus
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1000% yes. It just not only makes the characters one-dimensional, it also completely takes me out of the story. How often do Rook and their romance reassure each other that they’ll make it out alive in the last two quests?? Why? What kind of assumption is that, going against gods? Why is everyone so upbeat about this? I guess it was supposed to be romantic/touching, but when Rook promised Lucanis that they‘d definitely see each other again when all was over I was so angry, that is such a disingenuous thing to say before something that is for all intents and purposes a suicide mission. (But it wasn’t, and again the emotional response fell flat and it all felt goofy rather than epic)
And I would also add to the very valid points made above, that this emotional flatness is a corollary to the sanitized world of datv. Conflicts in previous games arose because something was terribly wrong, and this wrongness could often enough not be talked away - action was required. Alastair‘s conflict arose from the fact that he was a bastard and given away for political reasons, and now called upon to take responsibility by the same system that had discarded him before. Just listening to him is not enough. As a player you have to actually support him through this by your actions (or not, and potentially lose him). (And that’s just one example, let’s not even talk about your crew from da 2, where everyone was so traumatized that any help you could offer was first and foremost damage control.)
There is nothing like this in veilguard? Lucanis is possessed by an actual fucking demon, and it’s kinda unproblematic? Because there are no Templars anymore and people are suddenly super chill with abominations? Harding manages to pacify (?) an actual fucking titan, a being of unfathomable age and scope by… I don’t even know, have someone tell her feelings are ok, a truth she not only integrates into herself in a matter of seconds but then manages to instill in a being that should be beyond her horizon of understanding? And this is not something we should ruminate on? The titans, the monstrous thing that was done to them? It’s just ok now? I don’t even know what Neve is supposed to represent or solve. There are lichs in this world and we‘re not gonna ask about them?? They’re not gonna help us, have never helped anyone, are super fine with slavery and exalted marches, no explanation given? But they are still the good guys, kinda? I could go on. (Don’t get me started on Illario - what the fuck do you mean I can’t kill him?? He betrayed Lucanis, kept him in a torture-prison for a YEAR, and my choices are reconciliation or prison? How insulting is this to what Lucanis went through?)
It’s like there’s no conflict allowed in the world, apart from the big one (and how very fortunate that every companion quest ties neatly into this), and that gets resolved far too easily, without any messiness, any damage, any depth.
The thing is, it's not about the Therapy Speak. It's not that everyone who disliked DAV hates healthy communication as a dynamic in fiction. It's not even about only being allowed to be a good guy, really, because most of us did do that anyways (though the option not being there is a loss I grieve even if I never chose it myself, but that's another rant for another day).
It's that DAV does all that stuff at the expense of being believable. At the expense of characters being permitted to have personalities. At the expense of emotions behaving the way emotions actually work for people. At the expense of letting the plot build tension through the stakes we're forced to grapple with.
Half the fics out there take the conflicts between the characters in the previous games and resolve them. I do it myself ALL THE TIME because I like to find a path to resolution through just about any conflict, that's what fascinates me about telling these stories. But the higher the stakes, the harder a conflict is to resolve. You CAN resolve any conflict, you CAN communicate healthily through any emotion, but you can't skip the time it takes to process it all to even be able to communicate it. As someone whose got CPTSD and recovered from many Traumas, I can tell you that the TIME it takes to work through it is not something you can fast track, and the ups and downs of your emotions on that journey can't be skipped. It doesn't matter if you know exactly how to do it, exactly how it's going to feel, or exactly what the end state will be, you CAN'T speedrun it.
DAV has stakes that are astronomical, but nobody treats them that way. Nobody experiences denial - a common psychological reaction to being presented with information that shatters your worldview. Nobody expresses any distrust in the establishments handing out this information - something common among cultures that have at times been at war, even if those wars are "resolved" in the present. Nobody really ever breaks down - something that any person is capable of under extreme circumstances, especially when facing multiple crises of faith that challenge everything they thought they knew about themselves. Nobody blows their lid because they've been repressing the hell out of everything. Nobody grieves for southern Thedas, the entire thing dying off screen and giving you, the player, NO way to engage with it in any way.
Not to mention there are barely any inter-party conflicts, when there should be a lot more. Why is everyone (except Spite) fine with it if Emmrich sacrifices Manfred to become a lich? Why is everyone fine with Illario potentially being set free if he was working with the venatori and Elgar'nan, two sources that have actively attacked everyone in the party? Why doesn't Neve resent Lucanis if Treviso is picked? Why doesn't Harding get pissed off at Nevarra for having a secret society of liches that never helped during the Inquisition's war against the breach and corypheus? Why doesn't Harding feel ANYTHING about Ferelden and the rest of the south? Shouldn't Harding resent the fact that she's stuck in the north while her home dies?
All of these conflicts ARE resolvable, but not easily. And it's not believable that they're never brought up. It's not believable that these characters skip through everything that happens with like, barely a frowny face most of the time. In DAO, Alistair leaves if you don't treat his conflicts with respect. In DA2, your party members try to kill each other if you don't pay attention to their conflicts/emotional needs. In DAI, people can leave or betray you, Cassandra throws a chair at Varric and tries to body him out a window. ALL of these can be resolved but it takes effort, and the characters get to SHOW that they're bothered by them and struggling the way a person would when faced with those emotions.
The problem isn't the therapy speak, or that everyone is loyal and won't leave, or that they aren't mean to each other enough. It's that it's toxic positivity. It's toxic as fuck to imply that anger or grief should be smiled over or else you're giving up, and it's damaging to people to avoid engaging with their own negative emotional responses to extremely negative stimuli. It's pasting optimism over very real, very weighty issues, sweeping it all under the rug, and you keep waiting for the lid to blow off the pressure cooker that creates, but it never does. It never becomes anything that emulates real emotions, which is why the whole damn thing feels hollow. Everything's dying and nobody cares, not even about themselves, and that's NOT healthy communication.
It's bullshit, half-assed storytelling that didn't tell us the actual story, just the vague idea of what it could have been.
#datv critical#veilguard critical#they keep telling and not showing#dragon age#dav spoilers#dav critical
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thinking about the early days when their parents first died and ponyboy is turning to soda for comfort more and more because he knows soda gets it because sodas crying so he won’t judge pony for crying. one night pony wide awake crying leftover tears from a nightmare and the general “how come darry don’t like me no more” and sodas comforting him and trying to convince him otherwise.
after a particularly rough day and rougher nightmare he asks soda “how come darry never cries? ain’t he sad too?”
soda who really ought to keep his mouth shut sometimes says “of course he’s sad. i caught him crying in the shower the other day. i think he just don’t cry in front of us; kinda like dally. you know he was upset but instead of crying like the rest of us, he found more trouble.”
pony’s quiet for moment. “why don’t he ever cry with us though? he didn’t even cry at the fune- at the church”
soda sighs. ponyboy isn’t gonna get it; no matter how hard he tries pony won’t get it because he’s not older than anybody. he won’t understand the instinct to protect someone.“you remember in comic books how the superheroes never cry; they just box up their feelings until they explode?”
“yes?”
“…darry’s kinda like that. he’s our superhero; i don’t think he cries because he dont want to scare us. if he cries it kinda proves that we’re all scared and, i don’t know about you, but i’ve never seen darry scared or in a situation he couldn’t handle.”
“i don’t know soda, i think it’s scarier that he doesn’t cry.” his voice trails off but soda knows him well enough to know pony’s holding back from saying something else. “when is darry gonna blow up?”
“huh?”
pony huffs. “you said the superheroes that hide their feelings blow up; when’s darry gonna blow up?” there is no mistaking the fear in his voice asks and now soda kinda regrets that metaphor (analogy? it’s one of them, soda always mixes them up).
soda sighs and shrugs his shoulders. “i don’t know, honey.”
pony sits up and looks at soda incredulously. “what do you mean you don’t know! i thought you told each other everything?”
soda sits up too. “well not everything. how do you even know that— are you reading my journal you little shit?”
“yes but that isn’t the point okay!” pony blushes and shakes his head widely.
“fine.” soda huffs and lays back down. he’s a little shit for reading his stuff but pony was right; him and darry did tell each other everything. but since everything it’s almost like a flip switched and darry decided he had to keep all his emotions bottled up and he couldn’t depend on anyone. “i don’t know ponyboy. he doesn’t talk to me anymore, he doesn’t talk to anyone.”
“…because he doesn’t want to scare us?”
“i think so yeah.”
“soda?” pony asks after about five minutes of silence. he’s lying back down now with his head on sodas chest.
“yeah, honey?”
“i don’t like this darry.”
soda can feel his heart cracking and his stomach dropping. “what do you mean?”
“i want my darry back.” pony’s about to cry again, soda can hear the quiver in his voice asks he tries not to. “i don’t want darry to be our guardian if he’s not my brother anymore. i want my brother, i want my darry!”
as soon as he finishes speaking, pony breaks into sobs again. this time soda doesn’t really know how to comfort him besides holding him closer and stroking his hair. “i know, honey. it’ll be okay.” he repeats those two phrases like a mantra until pony falls asleep.
#this was meant to be a headcanon#i don’t know what happened#the outsiders#outsiders musical#<- bc i had jason!soda and brent!darry in mind#as always though i had movie pony on the brain though#darry curtis#ponyboy curtis#sodapop curtis#the outsiders fanfiction#ig this counts#might polish it and put it on ao3 if if any one wants me to idk#specific dreamer’s fics
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Eternal Engagement
An unexpected new life?
Y/N Kent, daughter of Superman Clark Kent and twin sister of Superboy Jonathan Kent. You thought you were born with innate powers and talents, but you haven't awakened any superhuman powers since birth. Not to mention flying, you don't even have the strength to break a piece of iron rod. Your mother Lois Lane once doubted whether you were incapable and born mortal?
Clark Kent and Bruce Wayne, Superman and Batman, Guardian and Dark Knight, are also the best of friends. Their relationship is complicated, characterized by mutual respect and protection for each other. The relationship between the two occasionally causes tension due to their different approaches to the arts heroism.
Being in harmony is a good thing, but unexpectedly...your father and Bruce Wayne made a marriage engagement for their children when they were young, that is, you and Damian Wayne. Until you were an adult and just turned 20, you learned the truth of this matter. Your first reaction was of course anger. Don’t know how many arguments you had with your father, but in the end, it ended in failure.
Metropolis, a certain cafe -
As usual, you spent your time at work, a black luxurious car stopped at the main entrance. An ominous premonition came up, a familiar figure walked out of the car. The man in a black suit, he opened the door and walked in, stealing the attention of many women. When his emerald eyes met yours, you suddenly realized who he was, Damian Wayne.
You avoided his gaze and walked behind the counter, facing away from him, silently wiping the cup with a piece of cloth. At the same time, an enthusiastic female colleague came forward to take his order. He raised his index finger pointed at your back, revealing a hint of arrogance and a demanding attitude in his tone, "Black coffee, I want Kent to make it."
"Huh? Oh...Kent, are you available now?" Your colleague approached and asked.
You stopped the work in your hands and nodded helplessly. You used the coffee machine to brew, the aroma of the rich coffee came out, and every drop of coffee dripped into the mug. You brought the brewed coffee to him, his emerald eyes slowly moved from your face to hands and then to the cup of coffee.
"Sir, your black coffee, please enjoy it." You nodded and returned to your post.
"It's Damian, your fiancé's name." He answered after sipping his coffee.
You were helpless and annoyed, wondering why your father wanted you to marry this arrogant and ruthless man, even uncle Bruce agreed. Really don't understand what they’re thinking. You put down the tray, "I don't want to hear the word fiancé."
"Facts are facts after all. Kent, who has no talent." His tone was biased.
You put your hands on hips and retorted to him, "Gene mutation, there's nothing can do about it."
You always felt inferior because no talent, it hurts your scars exposed by him. After the quarrel, you feel relieved and continue to work. His eyes locked on you, and you avoid him several times and continue to ignore him. He taps the counter with finger to attract your attention, as if he is ordering you.
You approach him and ask nicely, "Sir, what else would you like to order?"
"Where's the engagement ring?" He takes a sip of coffee and glances at you, focusing on your finger.
This question makes you feel very embarrassed. Last month, your father suddenly brought a black exquisite ring box from Gotham, which contained an engagement ring. You dare not wear it at all, "It will affect my work and hinder me."
"Terrible excuse." His tone was arrogant. He finished the remaining coffee. Before leaving, he took out a few bills and put them next to the cup. You were surprised that the hand he stretched out was wearing your engagement ring.
You were silent, hating this inexplicable feeling. It's not a relationship between lovers, which makes you feel very heavy. He and your brother are partners, the Super Sons are the duo of Damian Wayne, the Robin, and Jonathan Kent, the Superboy. But you are just a superfluous Kent, with no talent, no strength, and no ability to help others, proving that you are a mortal.
"Fuck..." You clenched your fists and gritted teeth.
Kent Farm, Smallville —
You went home, and held the doorknob still struggled with heart. You smelled the aroma of food coming from the house, almost dinner time. You adjusted your emotions , opened the door and stepped into the house, you sat in the entrance and untied your shoelaces. You were shrouded by a shadow, and you turned around and saw that it was Damian.
"You... why are you here? Didn't you go back to Gotham City?" You stood up immediately in surprise, you thought he only came to your workplace, but he even came to visit your home.
"Little princess, welcome home. Damian is staying at our house tonight, he will sleep in Jon’s room." Lois smiled and poked her head out of the kitchen.
"Huh?! This guy sleeps in Jon's room?! Jon's bed is very hard!" You told Lois in confusion, but you heard your mother's happy laughter.
"Hahaha, indeed. Or do you want to sleep with your fiancé?" Your mother laughed after hearing your words and couldn't help but want to tease you.
Your mom's words made you feel extremely embarrassed. Even if you two are engaged, actually have no relationship. It's purely because of the relationship between the two families. You glared at Damian and walked past him to upstairs. "No way!!"
Damian watched you leave and sighed helplessly. Seeing that his figure did not seem as arrogant as usual, Lois took the initiative to step forward and put her hand on his shoulder. "My little princess is a little stubborn, but not bad."
"TT. The only shortcoming is that she has no superpowers." The cold response from Damian hit Lois's pain point. Lois took her hand back. Damian sat on the sofa and browsed his phone, his eyes occasionally peeking at the stairwell.
You turned on the desk lamp. You opened the drawer to take out a book but saw the ring box placed inside. Your mind was in a mess. Why is your life so unsatisfactory? You took out the ring box and opened it. Inside was an exquisite engagement ring with the words of eternal love of Y/N & Damian engraved on it.
"He doesn't know the size of my finger..." You put the ring on, but it unexpectedly fit the size of your finger. You were surprised. How did he know your size?
When you wanted to remove the ring, found that it was stuck and couldn't pull it off no matter how hard you tried. You carefully looked at the details, felt that it was so expensive. Wayne's family has money. The engagement rings were made by experts. You touched it lightly, thinking how valuable it is.
"Little princess! Come down for dinner!" You pulled out the ring with all your strength, but nothing happened until you heard Daddy's voice coming from downstairs, and Jon's laughter came too. The two of them finally finished saving the world.
You left the room and went downstairs, and saw Mommy and Daddy bringing food to the table. Jon and Damian were discussing what happened today, such as aliens invading the earth. You seemed out of place without a common topic.
You went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Mommy noticed your emotions change, and what Damian just said made her care more about your feelings. She took the initiative to ask you, "Little princess, did your work go well today?"
You held the cup felt a little sad. You pretended to be strong and nodded, "Yes, I was so busy, almost forgot to get off work."
At this time, Daddy walked in. His super hearing heard your heartbeat and was very flustered. He realized your mood change, he first gave you a hug, patted your back gently and comforted you, "Little princess, what's wrong? Tell Daddy?"
"I... I'm fine. Just a little tired." You answered vaguely.
"Little princess, don't be like this. I'm worried. Don't suppress yourself." Daddy said after loosening the hug and holding your shoulders, his face full of worry.
"I'm really just tired." You left the kitchen and walked to the dining table to sit down. Lois and Clark looked at each other and guessed your thoughts.
"I'm telling you! Today, Superboy and Superman are teaming up together - puff!" Before Jon could finish his words, Damian threw a pillow on his face.
Jon was confused, Damian ignored him and walked to the dining table. He pulled out a chair and sat next to you. You avoided him, but his eyes stayed on you. He was surprised to notice your emotions and expression changes, and to notice that you were wearing the engagement ring.
"Why are you wearing a ring?" His tone was like an accusation.
As expected, he found out. You put your hand under the dining table awkwardly and trying pulled out the ring. "Just try it on. I didn't expect the size to be so perfect. Now I can't pull it out."
"Haha, your knowledge is really low. We were taught in elementary school that you can take it out by applying soap on hands. You not only have no talent, but also no knowledge." His tone was humiliating and sarcastic, as if he was accusing you.
At first Jon thought it was just a bickering, until he realized something was wrong, and immediately rushed forward to stop Damian's bad behavior. He held Damian's shoulders and said, "Hey, buddy, don't say that. She is a girl after all, and also your fiancée, be gentle."
"It's the truth, she knows it best. It's a pity that Superman's daughter has no superpowers. Ah, no, it's so pitiful." Suddenly you felt like the sky was falling. You couldn't refute his bad words. What he said was... the truth.
Everyone knows Damian's character. He is a proud and self-centered person. He always spits out some facts when he speaks. Mommy approached Damian and flicked his forehead with her index finger, leaving a red mark. "Damian Wayne, we agreed to marry our little princess to Wayne family because of trust, not to humiliate and belittle her. This is not what a future husband should do."
Daddy came forward and ruffled Damian's hair, with a smile and tenderness on his face. He once said that Damian's personality is exactly the same as Bruce's. He always speaks harshly, but still very gentle in his heart. "Damian, treat her well. When she is frustrated, you should encourage her instead of mocking her."
"She should thank me. If our two families were not good friends, who would want to get engaged to this untalented idiot." He emphasized made his words more unpleasant.
"Damian, you-" Just as Jon was irritated, you stood up from the dining chair.
Except for Damian's expression, which was equally annoying, everyone else was worried. You wanted to scold him but you didn't have any advantage over him. He was an experienced Robin. He struggled to this day with his own efforts and perseverance. He is a very brilliant person. But you have no talent at all, unlike Jon who is strong and reliable.
"I'm not hungry. I'm going back to my room." You walked away silently. Dad followed you but you stopped him. You wanted to stay quiet didn't want to hear any more sounds.
"Buddy, what are you doing? You know my sister-" After you left, Jon glared at Damian in front of Clark and Lois, his eyes glowing red as if he was going to shoot a laser at him.
At this time, you were in the bathroom. You applied soap to hands to wash them as Damian said. Just as he said, the ring was successfully taken out because of the moistness of the soap. You put the ring back in the box and closed the drawer, drew a cross pattern on the calendar to indicate that no signs of awakening.
"Maybe I have no hope..." You fell on the bed, looking at the ceiling and sighed silently.
Knock Knock—
There was a knock on the door, you got out and opened it. As soon as you saw Damian's face, you slammed the door and locked it, venting your anger on the door. Damian outside the door did not feel disgusted with your behavior. He knocked on the door again, but you did not respond and curled up in bed.
"I'll leave the food outside, don't starve." You heard his voice fade away, and out of curiosity, you opened the door to peek. He really brought dinner, you were stubborn and didn't want him to meddle in other people's business, which would give him the opportunity to feel superior. But in the end, you were defeated by hunger, you compromised and brought the food into the room to eat.
"Help—I can't swim—" Suddenly you heard a strange noise, like a cry for help. You thought it was an illusion, maybe someone downstairs was watching a TV series, until you heard "Superman—Anyone—save me—"
"Help?" you murmured.
You didn't even touch the food, pricked up your ears to listen carefully. The painful cry for help, the sound of water rising and falling in the waves circled intermittently. You ran downstairs in a panic and saw Daddy washing dishes in the kitchen and Mommy tidying up the dishes. Life was just like usual. Jon and Damian put on their hero suits and were discussing today's patrol work and adjusting the route.
"Um... Daddy, Jon. Did you hear a girl's cry for help?" Your voice trembled, but your question instantly attracted everyone's attention.
"Little princess, what did you just say?" Mommy asked with a puzzled look, and Daddy, who was standing behind her, noticed your abnormality and wanted to get closer to you.
"Help me—I can't breathe—" The cry for help came again.
"Again! I heard it again—" Just as you panicked and tried to prove that you were hallucinating, Jon and Dad heard it later than you. Two red lights flew out from in front of you with lightning speed, the impact of the wind made your hair messy as if you were hit by a tornado.
"Super hearing..." Damian murmured, he stood by and stared at you with his cold emerald eyes like a knife.
"Little princess, how long have you heard it?" Mommy put her arm around your shoulders and let you sit down.
"About... a few seconds ago. I thought it was a hallucination, so I didn't pay too much attention to it." You tidied up your messy hair and looked directly at your mommy to answer the question.
"Several seconds faster than Superman and Superboy, should we say they were stupid enough to ignore the cry for help or it was just a coincidence..." Damian deduced the result from your answer.
"Little princess!" Daddy's voice came, a gust of wind blew and messed up your hair again. Daddy rushed back home and appeared in front of you at the speed of lightning.
"Buddy! Someone almost died just now!" Jon rushed into the house and rushed towards Damian, muttering non-stop, so fast that his cloak blew on Damian's face.
"TT, shut up, you're making so much noise." Damian slapped Jon in the face impatiently and pushed him away, then approached you and Superman.
Daddy didn't even change out of Superman costume before he immediately knelt on one knee in front of you and held your shaking hands tightly, with a serious and shocked expression, "Little princess, what you just heard was not an illusion, someone really was drowning."
"So it's not an illusion... Wait, why can I hear it?!" You were shocked.
"Idiot, one of Superman's powers is super hearing. Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe the awakening period has come, after all, it's just a short reaction." Damian intervened between the two of you, his words were as harsh as usual.
"Little princess, try to concentrate and see if you can hear mommy's heartbeat." Daddy was a little nervous, his palms were sweating.
You nodded and tried it as he said, looking in the direction of your mommy, you took a deep breath and closed your eyes. After waiting for several moments, you could only hear your own heartbeat and everyone's breathing. You opened eyes and looked at your daddy, sighing and shaking your head to indicate no, it was just a coincidence.
"I didn't hear any sound..." You muttered in frustration.
"Oh... But little princess, thanks to your reminder, Jon and I were able to save people in time. Thank you." He hugged you in his arms and stroked your head.
Damian stroked his chin gently, his eyes focused on you. For a moment he guessed that you were about to wake up, just like a caterpillar showing signs of growth. An idea came to him, he took out a piece of Kryptonite from his utility belt to do an experiment, but Jon quickly stood in front of him to stop him.
"What are you doing?! Using that thing to murder your fiancée?!" Jon panicked.
"It's an experiment. If she really has a part of superhuman genes, then this thing will definitely weaken her if it touches her." Damian said to Jon expressionlessly.
"That doesn't mean you have to use this-" Jon grabbed Damian's arm.
"Damian, try touching her with Kryptonite. I want to see what changes will happen to her body." Superman was worried but moved away from you.
"That's-" Before you could even finish your words, Damian put the Kryptonite on your arm, suddenly you felt a wave of weakness and anxiety. You were about to fall dizzy, Damian came forward to catch you.
"Sure enough, she is not an ordinary person, there is a superhuman part in her body." Damian muttered.
"Damian, she is temporarily in a coma, take her back to the room and let her rest. I will contact Bruce and then decide how to deal with this matter." You can't feel any strength in your body, as if you have been completely hollowed out, but you can hear the conversation between Daddy and Damian.
"Wait, Damian. You will take good care of her, right?" Mommy pointed at Damian's chest and angrily like warning him, because he was not gentle to you at all, even said something sarcastic to his own fiancée.
Damian ignored Lois's words, easily picked you up and went upstairs with his hands. Jon and Lois were worried and wanted to follow, but they were stopped by Clark. He shook his head to signal them not to worry and said, "Don't worry, let Damian take care of her. They will be husband and wife in the future, and the little princess' husband should take care of her."
"Hubby, you just heard what he said to your daughter—" Lois was dissatisfied.
"I know your concerns, but always protecting her is equivalent to alienating the distance between the two of them. Damian and little princess need each other, believe them." Clark put his hand on Lois's shoulder and comforted her gently.
Damian carefully put you on the bed, covered with a quilt, then pulled a chair to sit beside the bed. He took off the Robin mask, crossed his arms under chest and quietly stood by you. Thinking about the possibilities and changes that will happen next, he raised his head looked at the ceiling to deflate.
Buzz-buzz-buzz-Damian took out his phone and browsed the chat interface.
Dick: Hi~ are you getting along with your fiancée?
Damian: Something happened.
Jason: You abused her?
Tim: Didn’t Dick tell you to be gentle with her?
Damian: No, you guys should stop meddling in other people’s business.
Bruce: Clark contacted me just now, and I think I know what happened.
Dick: Damian didn’t abuse her, right?!
Damian: I’m not that shameless.
He logged off and closed the chat room, scratching his cheek. He stared at your sleeping face, quietly approaching your bedside to avoid waking you up, his index finger gently brushed your forehead, he leaned down and gently pressed a kiss on your forehead.
Lois was still worried even if Clark trusted Damian, she came to your room, quietly turned the doorknob and peeked in through the crack, she found out what Damian did to you, she was shocked but still chose to leave and let him take care of you.
READ IT ON AO3 owlwithanapple
Like and Repost to motivate me!
Tag : @chibiduck
#dc#dcu#dc universe#batman#jason todd#bruce wayne#red hood#dick grayson#red robin#tim drake#superman#clark kent#lois lane#jonathan kent#superboy#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian wayne x reader#damian wayne x you#damian wayne x female reader#damian wayne x y/n#damian wayne x oc#dc robin#damian wayne fanfiction#damian wayne is robin#dc x reader#dc comics#dc superman#kent family#nightwing
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Season 1 Vanco, Season 2 Vanco and why I love both
There are people who will insist that shipping season 1 Vanco and season 2 Vanco is almost two different things. I don’t fully agree.
I wrote my “why I’m drawn to them” post in season 1 and even back then, for me at least the allure with the idea of the “one big happy family”. Of it being so close you could taste it. Of it being the ultimate what if. Of all the things that could be fixed if Zaundads were just real (in season 1: mostly the conflict between Jinx and Vi).
So yes, season 2 came as a shock of just how aligned the writers ended up being with the way I saw the ship even in season 1. And even in some ways I wouldn’t have dared to hope.
Still, I do understand the point that s1 Zaundads is a subtly different ship almost as s2 Zaundads. I’m just lucky enough to like both.
Season 1 Zaundads…
Season 1 Zaundads was broody and mysterious. Full of violence, veiled references and open questions. “I’ve heard this kind of talk before”, “There are worse things than enforcers out there”, “you had my respect”, “brothers and sisters, back to back against whatever the world threw at us”.
But also of evocative parallels. If in my ways Vi is Vander’s and Jinx is Silco’s, if they are like their fathers and yearn to be together, is it that strange to imagine a this being mirrored by Vander and Silco when you try to imagine their relationship? When Silco as he tries to ward off Vi is the one who draws the comparison to him and Vander over and over again, while Jinx questions how honest he really is in this regard?
And then there’s Silco and the heartbreaking parallels. The show starts with Vander changing his life to pick up his future daughters. And it ends with Silco ending up in a very similar spot, willing to value Jinx over attaining Zaun and losing his life over it. What can I do but question whether this falling out between them was really necessary if in the end maybe they end up in such a similar situation, which Silco himself seems to realize when he seeks out Vander’s statue.
And ah, the poignancy, that he seeks out the Vander statue at all to talk to it when he is so close to his moment of triumph.
Season 2 Zaundads…
When Season 1 Zaundads drove us crazy with speculation what happened between them, what they were like in the before timed, what exactly happened to make Vander turn on Silco, sesaon 2 answers some of those questions. And yeah, some of those answers were underwhelming, not gonna lie.
But! To me there’s still beauty in season 2. Season 2 on a Zaundad front is so much about yearning. About Vander’s yearning especially. It’s there in his letter. It’s there in how Silco is still in Warwick’s mind as he scours the mines half crazed.
It’s there in the little love shack and the jackets. It’s there in Jinx, the person who probably knew Silco best in the recent years says the letter would have mattered, it would have changed so much. It’s there in Silco, a sweet, loving Silco memory being the first thing that shows up when Viktor manages to enter Vander’s soul.
And there are other things, worth loving, the way Silco looks even in Vander’s dark red visions of him, the way the tease in the flashback to their younger selves, the way Silco is scribbling away and then of course … the AU.
The AU that has the writers coming out firmly on the side of “a reunion would have been possible” but also “a reunion is close to the best thing that could have happened to the world”.
This element might not be necessary to make a good ship, and it sure isn’t what I expected to get when I shipped them in season 1. But I think a shipper group or two can confirm that it feels pretty damn awesome to look at your ship and think: “their love changed the world and it made it better” (and you know, not just just in the sense that they are the ones that made it worse in the first place :p)
A personal take
People talk a lot about how Silco and Vander could have made up and how they achieved the Zaun we see in season 2, episode 7. Did Silco come around to Vander’s side of seeing things, or the other way around. I don’t have a problem with either approach.
But my personal preference has always been towards balance, of both parts of a couple being developed and important and worth cheerleading.
So for my personal tastes, I like to think it needs both of them. They are better together than apart. Their approaches are flawed are incomplete without the other. Silco’s approach is shit highly questionable (as in: I question whether the society he would achieve would be a very appealing one and not full of its own problems) if it doesn’t have some of Vander’s conciliatory and communal elements and Vander’s approach is shit without Silco’s zeal and focus.
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*slides in* hey,, :3 can you make some general relationship hcs for my man swansea, i love him so much <3
Swansea? In this household? It's more likely than you think. This one is more fleshed out just for all you starved Swansea lovers out there. Ended up more mature (not nsfw but just mature) than fluffy.
𓇻 ft. swansea x gn reader
𓇻 request. relationship headcanons!
𓇻 content. referenced age gap but in the context of "if you have an age gap". reader is not swansea's first spouse in this one. referenced ex-wife and kids. mention of drinking and recreational drug use.
𓇻 enjoy! feel free to like, reblog, or send in asks!
Masterlist - Want to Join my Taglist?
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A lot of late nights just sitting out on the back porch, drinking sodas and shooting the breeze.
Swansea who holds your hands steady as he takes you out hunting, his burly hands over yours as he steadies the shotgun. He definitely gets your initials engraved in it at one point.
Swansea who sits through your drinking sessions and any recreational medicinal trips that you choose to take, who only sighs and holds your hair out of your eyes, pressing a cold cloth to your forehead. Swansea who always knows the best remedy for all of it. Who doesn’t shame you for choosing to partake in those activities but wants you to do it safely.
Swansea who carries your bags everywhere with a pinched face but never lets you take them from him.
Gets grumpy when he takes you fishing with him and you catch more, but fillets them and makes a subpar grilled fish but it’s fine because it’s him.
He slides any wine-cooked foods onto your plate with a surly look. No matter how many times he’s told that it gets cooked out, he doesn’t want to risk a relapse. Doesn’t want to risk you.
He prefers to sleep with you laying on top of him. He’s comfortable with his weight, so he’s actually fond of you sleeping on his stomach.
Above all else, his sons mean the world to him. So it’s a major relief when they either tolerate or accept you, especially if there’s a considerable age gap between you and him.
If you’re closer to his kids’ ages, he’s content with letting you three hash out shared experiences.
If there’s an age gap: he’s a little amused the first time someone assumed you were his kid. It becomes a little annoying after a while but he makes the dry comment of “yeah, they’re only with me until I kick the bucket and they get the inheritance” sugardad spiel and that shuts them up quick. He always finds great amusement in that.
Always has a knack for remembering the little details. He doesn’t do extravagant outings or presents, but remembers the shirt you liked in a store, or a dvd you watched as a kid. He’ll gift them to you later. He absolutely does not expect nor want reciprocation in gifts. Your company and affection is more than enough for that.
Are you in school, studying something? Swansea will sit down and go over your homework with you. In fact, he’ll learn your subjects so that he can help you better. He’s actually good at that. He may, in fact, enroll in a few classes to better understand.
Late night drives into the sunset in his beat up, vintage car, with the hood down and blowing through your hair. He’ll let you drive if you ask. If you don’t know how, he’ll actually teach you.
The hardest hurdle in your relationship would be that he’s harsh in his criticisms and tactless for it. His words can be nasty, and it’ll be a while before he realizes they cut you. He’s not prone to apologies but he’ll try to make it up to you. It’ll be an uphill battle to get him out of that habit.
Going to extended family barbeques. You’ll always get served first. Not prone to pda but will gladly kiss you whenever you want.
It’s a habit for him to wear his old wedding ring and he probably won’t even think to remove it until you mention it. If it’s an issue, he’ll swap it out for a different one of your choice.
Doesn’t initially think of marriage first so it’ll be something that you bring up. At this point in his life, he’s content being in a common law relationship with you, but will agree to marrying you. It’s one of those “he doesn’t feel the need to” but will gladly do it. I repeat: gladly. He wouldn’t do it just because you want him to. He wants to. He just doesn't mind if it happens or not.
Only wants the marriage to be a small affair with family but will acquiesce if you want a larger one.
Actually asks if you’d prefer a whole new wedding band for the pair of you. Again, he’s not overly attached to his old one, but it’s familiar to him. Definitely fidgets with the new one a lot until he gets used to it. You’ll have to bring up the topic of kids. May try to coax you into a dog instead. Still becomes the best dad ever if you two have a kid anyway. (He tries, anyway, and he has experience.)
Always awake during thunderstorms but will gently coax you back to sleep. Also a pro if you’re prone to nightmares. Somehow half asleep when he does it.
King of bubble baths. Knows all the perfumes, fizzing bombs, candles, etc that all compliment each other. Likes to either have you against his chest while you’re both in the tub OR him behind you (outside of the tub) while he pampers you.
If you’re multilingual, he’ll slowly learn your language then surprise you with it randomly. It’s butchered horribly and, honestly, if you laugh at him about it he may just give up.
Anything barbequed is his apology food. Sometimes, rarely, you’ll get a dessert that’s underwhelming (think cake that flopped in the middle).
Has the absolute most beautiful penmanship and he, without fail, signs each card as from the both of you. Also gives cards for anniversaries and birthdays.
He’ll stand behind you in the doorway as you’re watching a show. If it’s some kind of soap drama or reality tv, he seems to scarily know alot about it and will indulge you in all of the facts.
You two spend a lot of time with the neighbours. Not because Swansea introduces you two but because they always come around. The kids, especially, become increasingly familiar with you and refer to you two as their “grandparents” (regardless of how old you are).
Not an avid cuddler but will let you cuddle him. He’ll just drape an arm around you and, when you try to leave at some point, will tighten his grip just enough to convince you to stay.
While watching tv together, somehow, he always winds up with your feet on his lap. Swansea is pretty proficient at foot massages.
You two absolutely slay when it comes to the tango. He always has enough energy to go a few rounds and then some. He may grumble in protest if you try to pull him into a dance whenever any music comes on, but he’ll oblige.
Swansea leaves sticky notes everywhere for you; these can range from compliments, chore lists, to whatever feud you two are having (he’s humoured by the sticky notes during fights so he’ll break first in that case) to even little commentary like “watch the newest episode”.
Swansea is secure in the relationship in that he won’t bat an eye if your eyes linger on someone, but he’ll end up sliding up in front of you if someone tries to make a pass. You’re his, hands off, pal.
Simultaneously the best and worst person to watch a series with. He’ll nod off after a while partway through or stay up to watch a few more episodes before he realizes you fell asleep. If you both start a series that he’s already ahead of you on, he’ll inadvertently spoil it by going “is (name) still alive?”. He sometimes says it just to fuck with you. Watching new series together tends to be more golden though. He’ll be completely unphased if you spoil it for him.
Carries you to bed either bridal or piggy-back style. He will complain about it if you’re awake. Always seems to know when you’re fake sleeping just to have him carry you but it’s endearing. “Nice try, sweetheart. Don’t worry ‘bout nothing, though, I’ve got you.”
Really likes the look of you in his t-shirts. Something about seeing you in his clothes makes him feel so homey and softer. As if this is the sight he wants to come home to every night for the rest of his life. (It is.) He tends to wrap his arms around you and settle his chin on top of your head, just lingering. He'll grumble if you take his shirts but you'll always find a new one easily accessible.
Wakes you up with loud clanging sounds as he gets ready for the day. It’s all accidental, he’s just a loud individual; always putting a bit too much force behind closing drawers, rifling through cabinets or loud banging in the kitchen as he gets coffee ready. Grumbles an apology but kisses you good morning as he reads the newspaper.
He absolutely hates if you finish his crossword puzzle, namely without him. It's the one thing he won't share with you.
He either makes enough food just for himself or enough to feed an army. There’s no in between. He, however, doesn’t complain if you steal food off his plate aside from raised eyebrows and a long, suffering sigh. Willingly slides the food onto your plate if you stop doing it though.
Honestly, another sticking point in your relationship could be his relationship with his ex-wife. They’ve been separated for a long while before you two got together, but they have two sons together and raised them together. They still have family trips between the four of them (you’re invited, as well as his ex’s new partner). But it can feel especially chummy to those who are insecure about people being friends with exes. This will be one line he won’t back down from. There’s absolutely nothing romantic between them anymore but he’s not going to cut her out; they’re friendly and she’s literally the mother of his children.
Swansea takes photos of things that he thinks you'll like; usually, it somehow winds up with an accidental, unflattering frontal camera selfie (which you save anyway) or half-blurried shot. He takes the time to photograph you properly though, going as far as adding all the filters you like to it. He'll refuse any bodily changing ones (removing acne, making yourself skinnier, smoothing wrinkles, etc). He loves you just as you are and it's unfathomable to think that you don't.
Tends to pay for everything. Bills, dinner dates, gifts. It may lead to a feeling of financial dependency (despite having a job) and it’ll be a discussion to be had if you’re not cool with it.
Absolutely refuses to buy new clothes or retire aging items. He’s especially handy (being a mechanic has its perks) so he just repairs it. You’ll have to gift him new items and remove his old ones to actually get him to use any of it though. “They just don’t make ‘em like they used ta.”
While he feels formal clothing feels stuffy, he cuts a nice figure in his suit. But he absolutely cannot take his eyes off you when you’re all dressed up.
A proper gentleman. He opens doors for you, pays the dinner bill, arriving early, pulling out chairs for you. Also knows which fancy spoon or fork to use at important meetings. (He’ll cough slightly and look pointedly at you as he demonstrates.) It’s ingrained in his very soul. You’ll have to beat it out of him if you want him to stop. (Please don’t beat him.)
He keeps a photo of you in his wallet and on the vanity mirror. He invited you to join the Christmas photo for when his family sends out cards. He wears the most godawful ugliest Christmas sweater and looks terribly grumpy; but in each one, he can’t take his eyes off you. (That’s in most of the photos with him, actually.)
Swansea lets you rifle through his phone without complaint; you probably know a lot more about it than he does. He’ll bitch about it so hard if your contact photo for him is him in an absolutely weird sleeping position, but will grumble if you change it. Whatever contact photo you have for him, he’ll reciprocate.
While he can learn new things and will proudly show off his own expertise, if it’s something that you showed him, he’ll have you do it each time afterward. It’s not that he’s lazy, it’s just that he thinks it’s kind of hot and endearing to see you perform such tasks confidently.
Somehow, he ends up with the weirdest pets and names them the most diabolical thing like “Shizzlord 3000”. (Courtesy of his youngest son from an inside joke when the youngest was a kid.) (He'd actually choose something "classy" like Washington or Churchill.) They’re always raccoons, beavers or bats. Once a full on elk. He’s full on the animal whisperer and somehow has them docile towards both him and you. Although he’s fully prepared to full on yeet them out the door the second they harm you. Full on just chucks them out with surprising strength.
Swansea catches on quick if you find any action he does as attractive. Rolled up sleeves? He’ll be parading around like that all the time with a little smirk. “Don’t get yer knickers in a twist, I’m just washin’ the dishes over here.” It’s a bit of a playful game to see how long you’ll go until you lose it.
Swansea winds up with a tattoo of your name on his shoulder at some point during your relationship. The cheesy one that has the heart and a scroll, going “(name) 4EVER”. While he never tells you where or when he got it, he’s secretly very proud of it. He’ll also get your wedding date tattooed on him, alongside the date of when you first met, close to where he has his kids’ birthdays tattooed.
𓇻 tags: @jambalaya-enthusiast
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing x reader#swansea#mouthwashing swansea#swansea x reader#swansea x y/n#swansea x you#mouthwashing x you#mouthwashing x y/n#// again. why do these tags look so SHORT#;;you have my bow and my axe#//I absolutely REFUSE to believe that his first name is swansea.#//it's going to be his surname for my posts#//I keep thinking his first name would be Jared but. y'know. it's Swansea Harold so I guess we'll use Harold#//I hit the 4k words per text block with this one fellow germs#queue
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WIP ALERT WIP ALERT
What makes death so special that everyone seems so scared to talk about it? It is not as if, in this universe, it’s the end of the line. Not really. If anything, it felt more like the beginning of something.
Now, routine feels like the end of it all. Even when you’re a vigilante and everyday is a surprise, it still feels like slowly withering away. Like, if you stop moving you’re going to start rotting on the spot. But for some reason, people love routine and hate death.
Dick, for example, constantly looks terrified. It’s not obvious, as no feeling in our faces is ever obvious, but I can tell it’s there. He once said, mournfully, that we would bury Bruce like he is now, with jet black hair. The thought upset him, but I still don’t understand why. It’s not as if Bruce cares. Sometimes it feels like he is trying to speed up the process.
And sure, it would suck not to be able to see someone you care about ever again. But if Dick truly is so scared of missing Bruce, he can go knocking on Constantine’s door — or Zatanna’s, or Madame Xanadu’s, or Doctor Fate’s, or Jason Blood’s, or… you get my point — and ask for a seance. Besides, it’s not as if you can say the guy wasted his life. No one on this Earth has more accomplishments under his belt than Batman himself.
So why the long face?
Like, sure I get why they look weird every time I bring up my past death. I was a kid and all that. But they seriously need to stop looking at me like I’m planning to kill myself everytime I bring up my future death. I’m not planning to die any time soon, but what if I do? Are they going to lose their shit again?
I mean, Tim literally cloned his best friend as a manner to bring him back from the dead because he couldn’t cope with him being gone. Not to say I’m terribly worried about the Imposter missing me so much as to clone me, but still. What if I die? Are they going to try to bring me back? Because I don’t think I want that.
Death was easy, you know? It was awful up until the point where it wasn’t. I don’t remember much, but I remember being warm and embraced. And then someone dragged me back screaming and kicking. Then I woke up boiling alive, with the skin falling off my bones in the middle of the Assassin’s League Headquarters.
I’m not particularly excited about being boiled alive again.
No one in this family knows how to let go and Bruce is the worst one. I used to be so mad that his grief wasn’t enough to make him kill the Joker. I wanted him to prove that he loved me like he said he did. But I was a recently deceased and resurrected teenager. I firmly believe that the only reason Jesus reacted better to being murdered is because he was already thirty three. Now, as an adult, I’m less mad.
Bruce deals with grief like this: he doesn’t. He lets it eat him away. I think he likes it, the feeling of rotting from the inside out. Maybe that’s why he likes routine too. I think he has a lot of love inside of him that, instead of showing it, he reschedules it. Like he thinks “tomorrow I’ll show it” and then never does. And when I died, maybe he didn’t have anywhere to put that love anymore. There wouldn’t be any more “tomorrows.” So he just rotted.
It’s why I try not to be jealous about how endlessly patient and affectionate he is with Damian. Or how careful he is with Tim. Or how much interest he takes in everything Duke does. Or how he always listens when Steph talks. Or how he always comes when Cass calls him. At least, I served to teach him a lesson.
So, yeah, when I got an invitation to a Ghost Ball, I didn’t tell anyone. Because they don’t understand why I linger in the cemetery. They don’t understand why I kill, when they believe I should be the first one to be against death. They don’t understand why I keep talking about dying over and over and over. They just don’t get it.
Also, they would totally ruin this moment for me. I’m sure of it.
How many times do you get invited to a ball? Not those shitass galas the Waynes always go to. A real authentic 1800’s ball. With the lettering cursive invitation, sprayed with some kind of perfume, sealed with a gold wax coat of arms. Not only that! To what was an official celebration to the Ghost King’s 21th birthday.
I didn’t even know there was a Ghost King!
Sure, it’s probably a trap. This kind of thing is always a trap. But they had addressed the invitation to “The Red Knight of Gotham, Avenger of the Damned, Cursebreaker, Three Times Born, Wielder of the All-Blades, the Darkest Star” and, if I am to be honest, flattery will get you everywhere with me.
I’m not entirely sure what the “Darkest Star” was in reference to, but it’s the least of my concern. The theme of the ball was Black, White and Neon Green, which completely fucks up my aesthetic. The last time I wore green I was a Robin and I’m particularly inclined to never wear it again. I’m also not wearing a tuxedo. Maybe a black suit over the armor instead of the usual jacket and a neon green handkerchief.
Now the problem is getting fitted for a suit like that. Every rich motherfucker knows that just sending your measurements to a tailor that never met you in person before is the recipe for a disaster. And sure as hell there is not a single tailor in the Crime Alley. Not that I know of. And there is no way in hell, or heaven or wherever the flying fuck the Infinity Realms were, I’m showing up to a real ball looking anything short of dreamy.
So, I did the reasonable thing and texted Alfred.
If you could come by the Manor, Master Jason, I will see what can be done. He texted back.
There is a theory going around the midst of superheroes that says that the one thing all of the bats have in common is how stubborn we are. It’s true, but I don’t think we learned that from Bruce. I’m pretty sure that’s just the Pennyworth in all of us. That man clearly only still works as a butler at 65 and calls us all “master”, “miss”, “mister” and “ma’am” out of pure stubbornness. I have no evidence of this, but I’m working on the theory that someone at some point betted that he would crack eventually, which is why he hasn’t. That I know of.
So, I showed up at the Manor like he asked me to.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Tim asked.
“I live here,” I answered.
“No, you don’t.”
“Unless someone touched my room, which I doubt, then yes, I do.”
“When was the last time you were here?”
“Last week. I dropped by to move all your furniture 1 inch to the left counterclockwise.”
“I knew it! I knew someone was touching my stuff! Steph said I was crazy!”
“You are, but I touched your stuff. Like all of it. Including your Monster collection. You should really clean that, by the way. It’s disgusting.”
“Fuck you.”
Someone cleaned their throat and we both turned around to see Alfred standing in the hallway, looking less than impressed. I’m pretty sure we learned that from him too.
“Sorry, Alfred,” Tim said.
Alfred sighed and then turned his frown towards me.
“What? I didn’t curse.”
He raised one pointed eyebrow and that’s all it took.
“Sorry for touching your stuff, Timberlake,” I said and turned to Alfred again. “Happy?”
“I suppose that will suffice.”
“Yeah, fine,” Tim agreed and moved out of the way to let me in. “Just never do it again.”
“Oh, I’m definitely doing it again.”
“Why?!”
“Dick told me to stop whining and start getting on that, and I quote, ‘big brother grind’, so you and the Demon brat are going to have to endure it.”
“Why not Duke?”
“He is obviously my favorite.”
Tim just groaned and followed us to one of the upstairs closet.
“What are we doing anyway?”
“We are doing nothing. You weren’t invited.”
“Master Jason is getting fitted for a new suit,” Alfred said, ignoring me.
“Why?” Tim asked.
“What are you? A Toddler? Why do you think?”
“Well, you sure as hell aren’t going to the galas—”
“Damn right, I won’t.”
“And you’re definitely not going on a date—”
“Wait, why?”
“Because.”
I turned around to fully face him. “What do you mean ‘because’?”
“Just because,” Tim made a vague gesture with his hand. “You know.”
“No. As a matter of fact, I don’t know.”
“You know,” He gestured again. “Because.”
“Because what?”
“You’re chronically single.”
“What?!”
Tim threw himself on one of the sofas that was turned towards the closet and sank into it. “Chronically single. Chronically, meaning in a persistent and recurring—”
“I know what chronically single means!”
“Then you know.”
“I’m not chronically single!”
“How long ago was your last relationship and how long did it last?”
“That does not mean I’m chronically single! I get bitches all the time!”
“Perhaps, Master Jason, refraining from referring to your partners in a demeaning manner might be the first step to improving your romantic aptitudes.”
“I don’t– I’m not– Ugh!”
“Try this suit on. I think it will be the closest to your current measurements.”
I took the suit from his hand and closed the closet door behind me.
“So,” Tim said, “If you’re not going to a gala, you’re not going to a date, then where are you going?”
“None of your business.”
“It’s not a birthday, because I’m pretty sure none of your friends is an Aquarius–”
He kept talking and I tuned him out. The pants were a bit too tight around the knees, so they would have to fix that, and the jacket sleeves were a little too short. Besides that, I liked the red lining inside, as well as the flower pattern that almost disappeared into the black. It wasn’t very on the theme, and I would risk looking a bit christmassy, but it would be worth it. I did need a neon green handkerchief, though.
“It can’t be Two-Face, because he is still in Arkham and also not your usual target. Black Mask has been quiet, so maybe him,” Tim was, somehow, still talking.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, opening the closet door to let Alfred take a look.
“People you might be planning to make a move against in a place where a suit might be necessary.”
“Maybe I just want a suit, ever thought of that?”
“You’re fitting it over armor,” Tim pointed out.
“Touché.”
“Tt, it’s too tight around your knees,” Alfred commented.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Oh, Alfred? Do you by any chance have a neon green handkerchief?”
Alfred made a face. “I do not own any monstrosity of that sort, Master Jason. Why do you ask?”
“Because the theme is Black, White and Neon Green.”
“Wait, you’re actually crashing a party?”
Alfred sighed and made another disgusted face. “In that case… This suit won’t do.”
“Sorry, Alfred. I didn’t write the dress code.”
“Of course not, Master Jason. I would expect that you would have a better sense for fashion than that.”
“And for your information, I’m not crashing a party. I was invited. Not that you know what that’s like, Stalker.”
“Who would invite you to anything?!”
“Not telling.”
“C’mon!”
“Perhaps the Zegna will look less… clown-like with a neon green handkerchief than the Armani,” Alfred said, mostly to himself.
“Did I hear, Armani?” Selina’s honey-dripping voice came from the corridor, and she poked her head inside the room. “What are you boys doing hiding here?”
“I’m getting fitted for a suit.”
“He is going to a party and I’m trying to figure out which one,” Tim answered at the same time as me.
“Oh! That sounds fun! Do you need help, Alfred?” She asked and slid into the sofa next to Tim.
“I’m afraid I am at a loss, Miss Kyle. The theme of the evening is Black, White and, ugh, Neon Green.”
She made a face very much like Alfred’s own. “Where are you going, Kit Kat? The Riddler’s birthday isn’t until July.”
“Not telling you, either.”
She pouted and pulled Tim’s face near her own, he understood what she was doing a minute later and pouted too. “Please?” They said, like children.
“Nope. Not happening.”
Selina shrugged it off, not particularly bothered, but Tim seemed to still be fixated on the issue.
“Have you tried that Slim-fit Hugo Boss brown suit, Alfred? I think it will make him look distinguished amongst the neon green aberration,” she said.
“Is it a winter party of some kind?” Tim asked.
“Not giving you any tips, Timmy.”
“Actually, Master Jason, that could help us find a better suit.”
I sighed. “I don’t think it is specifically a winter party. I think it's just a coincidence.”
“So it is a celebration of some kind!”
“I’m. Not. Telling. You.”
“No need. I will find out eventually.”
Alfred brought out the Hugo Boss brown suit and held it up for Selina to see.
“I think it will clash, Miss Kyle,” he said.
“I think you’re right, Alfred,” She tapped one manicured finger to her lips. “This party is not of someone we know. Is it, Kit Kat?”
I shrugged.
“Why do you say that, Selina?” Tim asked.
“Motherly instincts.”
The door behind them opened again, this time to reveal a mildly disgruntled looking Bruce. His hair was a mess and he was wearing a sweater and sweatpants. He was definitely sick.
“What are you guys doing here?”
“Are you sick, old man?”
He sniffed. “Seasonal allergies.”
“Jason is getting fitted for a suit,” Selina answered.
“Oh?”
“And I’m trying to find out why.”
“Oh.”
“You guys are nosy,” I said.
Alfred brought out another slim-fit suit and both Selina and Bruce made a face. “Yes, I imagined so,” Alfred said, disappointed.
“What kind of party is it, chum?”
“Not telling.”
“The theme is Black, White and Neon Green,” Selina said, and both her, Alfred and Bruce grimaced.
“Jason, please tell me you’re not going to the Riddler’s birthday party.”
“Of course, he isn’t, silly. The Riddler’s birthday is July 21st.”
“Oh! Should I send a present?”
“It would be very polite,” Alfred said and Selina agreed.
“If this party is of someone we don’t know then it must be someone you met recently or a very long time ago. But if it was from someone you used to know, you probably wouldn’t be using an expensive suit, and if it was someone new we would have heard of it already,” Tim said.
“What makes you think it is someone we don’t know?” Bruce asked.
Selina raised her hand with a cheeky smile. “If we knew them already, little Kit Kat wouldn’t be so worried about imprrrressing them. We would have embarrassed him already.”
“I’m not worried about impressing anyone.”
“You’re getting fitted for a suit,” she pointed out.
“Yes, because I outgrew all my other suits and I can’t wear them with the armor. It’s not as if I’m buying a new one,” I rolled my eyes.
“If you’re wearing your armor are you worried about being attacked?” Bruce asked.
“Is it a mission then?” Tim asked. “Otherwise, why would you be going to a place where you might be attacked?”
“Good point, champ.”
“I’m not answering any of those questions.”
Bruce pondered for a second. “Have you tried the gray Kiton wool suit? It might null a bit of the neon green.”
“Ooh. Good idea, love.”
“Let’s see if you’re correct, Master Bruce.”
“I’m texting Dick to see if he knows anything.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“Father, have you seen Alfred Jr?” Damian’s voice rang from the corridor.
“Not really, Dami.”
“He is probably in that warm spot in the library where the sun hits just right,” Selina said and stretched as if she could feel the warmth from here.
“Thank you, miss Kyle,” Damian poked his head inside. “What are you doing here?”
“You’re welcome, Damian.”
“I live here.”
“Do you?” Bruce asked.
“Do you?” Damian asked, fully walking into the room.
You see? This is why I can’t tell them anything about this ball. Or else they will want to come with, they are nosy like that, I’d have to explain to every cute person I meet why I brought my entire family with me when the invitation didn’t even have ‘plus one’ on it.
Jesus, maybe Selina was right.
“Master Jason is getting fitted for a new suit, Master Damian,” Alfred said and held the gray wool suit.
“Yeah, that doesn’t do it either,” Selina said.
“What is wrong with the suit?”
“The theme is Black, White and Neon Green.” Everyone grimaced at that. They really needed to stop repeating the same thing over and over.
“What is the occasion?”
“Kit Kat won’t tell us.”
“Nope.”
“I’ve talked to Dick!” Tim announced. “He has no idea who could be, but his best guest is someone Jason met with the Outlaws! So I’m going to text Cass, so she can text Artemis and see if she was invited to anything.”
Damian sat on the opposite arm of the sofa and pondered.
“How much have you narrowed it down?”
“Someone we don’t know, someone dangerous, possibly on a mission, not a winter party,” Bruce said.
“Birthday?”
“No gift.”
“Maybe it’s someone I don’t know enough to buy a gift to,” I said, just to throw them off.
The three of them narrowed their eyes at me.
“Yup, talked to Artemis. She doesn’t know anything,” Tim said. “Also Dick is calling.”
He put it on speaker so everyone could suffer together.
“Hey, guys!”
“Hey, chum.”
“Hello.”
“Hey, birdie.”
“Sup?”
“Jesus Christ,” I rubbed my temples. I could feel a migraine coming up.
“Jason! The man, the myth, the legend! Will you tell your big bro where exactly you’re going? I promise to keep it a secret.”
“Not even on your deathbed.”
Alfred brought out another suit. It was also gray and it still did not match neon green.
“C’mon, Little Wing! Don’t be like that! It can be that bad for us to know.”
“It’s out of principle.”
“That reminds me,” Tim said. “Dick, go screw yourself.”
Alfred made a face at that, but didn’t comment anything.
“Wait, why? What did I do?”
“Why did you tell Jason to ‘act like a big brother’? He touched all of my stuff!”
“I’m sure he didn’t touch all of it.”
“Oh, I didn’t look under the bed, but besides that? It will be very funny when you start finding the glitter.”
“What?!”
“Ah, is that why Jon found a lot of superboy merch I did not buy in my closet?” Damian asked. “Well, I must say that is not a good prank. I’m not embarrassed to say I’m my best friend’s biggest fan. Though, he did cry.”
“You say that now, because you haven’t found the bees.”
“What bees?”
I simply smiled. This wouldn’t work on most of my siblings, but Damian was small enough to be fooled and once he believed it, the others would follow.
“I swear to God, Jason. If I find glitter on my clothes I’m putting a skunk inside your house,” Tim said.
There was also no glitter, but now he would check everything first. Forever.
“Why would you do that to a poor innocent animal?” I said, to be contrary.
“Yeah, Tim. Leave the animals alone! It’s not their fault Little Wing started a prank war.”
“Yes, Drake. I’m disappointed you’d even think about this.”
Alfred brought out a deep blue suit. Selina sighed and slumped down the sofa and Bruce shook his head.
“Hey, Dick,” I asked. “Do you have any suits that might fit me and that will look good with neon green?”
“Why do you ask? Don’t tell me Poison Ivy is your plus one.”
“Alright, I won’t.”
“Poison Ivy is light green, not neon,” Tim said.
“And Ivy is too old for you,” Bruce said, pointedly. I rolled my eyes.
“I don’t think I’d have anything either way.”
There was a moment of silence while everyone considered, perhaps the color neon green or perhaps Poison Ivy.
“I figured it out!” Damian shouted suddenly. Selina flinched from the noise, and he apologized quickly. “Sorry. But I have figured it out.”
“What?” Everyone asked. I wasn’t particularly worried, it’s very hard for the little brat to have known about a King I wasn’t even aware of. Though, maybe Ra’s did know it before me.
“Regular-fit Dark Grey Virgin Wool Serge from Hugo Boss,” Damian said profoundly.
“What?” Tim asked.
“The suit that will go with neon green.”
Alfred, Selina and Bruce thought it out. “Yes, I believe that might work, Master Damian.”
“Good job, son,” Bruce said, making my insides twist painfully.
Selina simply raised her hand over Tim’s head so Damian could high five her.
“That still doesn’t answer where he is going!”
“Who would do a Neon Green party? Besides the Riddler, his birthday isn’t until July.”
“How do you even– No, actually, I don’t want to know. Thanks for the help, Demon Brat.”
“You’re welcome. Now tell us where you’re going.”
Fair enough. “To a birthday party,”
“Goddammit! It was the first thing I crossed off!”
“Of whom?”
“None of your business, old man.”
“C’mon, tell us Little Wing.”
“What are we trying to find out?” Duke asked, walking into the room. “And why is everyone here?”
“Jason is going to a birthday party and he won’t tell us who's is jt,” Tim said.
“Oh?”
“And I’m getting a suit fitted.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t worry, though. I’ll tell you whose birthday it is later.”
“Hey!”
“Wait, why?”
“Yes, why him?”
“Oh, Duke is my favorite.”
Duke smiled innocently at all the people in the room and did a little twirl.
“That’s not fair!”
“Hey, this is your fault. You told me to be an older sibling.”
“Older siblings don’t pick favorites!”
“Of course they do. Damian is your favorite, I’m Cass’ favorite, Duke is my favorite, and Tim is no one’s favorite.”
“Screw you!”
“Don’t worry. When Bruce adopts another one you can be their favorite.”
“I’m not adopting anyone.”
Everyone in the room raised an eyebrow at that — yet another thing they got from Alfred — and Selina patted his hand. “Whatever you say, love.”
Alfred fitted the suit perfectly, to the point where that one guy on twitter that talks about male clothing would applaud. And he did find a neon green handkerchief, though he would only buy it if I promised to burn it afterwards, which I swiftly agreed to. I considered bringing a present, but something I learned from the filthy rich is that it’s always better to look like an asshole rather than a fool.
And so the suit saga ends and the ball saga begins.
One would think that an interdimensional being called the Ghost King would think of better ways to direct his guests towards his party than a set of coordinates and another number, which I quickly realized to be the hour in military time. Of course, one would be wrong. So me, my bike, my beautiful suit and my weapons directed ourselves to the middle of bumfuck nowhere, literally in the middle of Nevada's desert.
God, I am going to arrive at this party covered in sand.
#danny phantom#dp x dc#dead on main#fanfic#jason todd#danny fenton#dp x dc fanfic#fanfic writing#WORK IN PROGRESS#wip#jason todd x danny fenton
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Survival in Game
Cho Hyun-ju x Autistic!Fem!Reader
This is part two of Survival in Game. In this chapter, I wanted to explore more of Hyunju and the reader's relationship in a softer, more emotional way. I hope you enjoy it! In the next chapter, we'll dive into the second game of the season.
_____
Part 1:
You held the lunchbox in your hands and, as you walked back to your bed, you saw the woman who had helped you in the last game. Your heart raced a little. You wanted to thank her and also stay close to her. You didn’t fully understand why, but something about her radiated safety. In such an unpredictable place, that was exactly what you needed.
Social interactions had always been challenging for you. Words often got tangled, and people’s expressions didn’t always make sense. But with her, it was different. Something about her seemed calm and welcoming.
Stopping in front of her, gripping your food tightly, you tried to organize your thoughts. She, already eating, paused her meal and looked up at you. There was something comforting in that look of recognition, but now that you were so close, the words vanished from your mind, as they often did in moments of anxiety.
— Do you need something? — she asked kindly, as you looked down at the floor, trying to muster courage.
— I wanted to thank you... for protecting me in the game — you said quickly, bowing in gratitude. Formality helped you organize your speech. When you looked back at her, you noticed a shy smile on her face. It was a soft smile, free of judgment. She looked so beautiful smiling that it made your cheeks flush, something you couldn’t hide very well.
— Don’t worry, you didn’t need to thank me — she replied calmly. You took a deep breath, trying to prepare for what you wanted to say. The anxiety made your head spin.
— I’d like to ask you something — you finally said, seeing curiosity spark in her eyes. — Can I join you? — The question seemed to surprise her, her eyes widening slightly. She was silent for a moment before smiling again, this time more broadly. It had been a long time since anyone sought her company. Since her transition, people preferred to keep their distance. The fact that you had approached her touched her deeply.
— Of course, sit here — she said, moving aside to make room next to her. You sat beside her, still nervous but relieved that you had managed to speak. As you stared at your lunchbox, she broke the silence. — What’s your name? — she asked curiously.
— My name is Y/N. And yours?
— I'm Hyunju — she replied, with another smile that made your mind feel at ease. Unfortunately, the calm was interrupted by shouting. When you looked, you saw three men fighting violently. Your body stiffened immediately, and fear consumed you. Instinctively, you moved closer to Hyunju, seeking the sense of security she exuded. She noticed the fight but made no effort to push you away, letting you stay close.
You had always hated fights. They scared you deeply, bringing back painful memories from your childhood. You remembered when your mother started dating. At first, he seemed like a good person, but he soon revealed his true nature. He not only abused your mother physically but also diminished her emotionally. You watched helplessly, just a child, unable to do anything as she suffered. She tried to shield you, but you always heard the sounds of violence and shouting from your room.
For years, that violence was a constant weight in your life until he tried to do the same to you. That was your mother’s breaking point. She finally realized she needed to protect you and ended the abusive relationship. However, the scars of that period remained. Those years left deep marks, and any sign of violence was enough to make you relive it all.
Now, with your emotions still raw from the game and the deaths you had witnessed, the fight in front of you felt like the last straw. The loud voices, the sudden movements—it was all too much. You covered your ears with your hands, closed your eyes, and began rocking gently, trying to calm yourself and push away the bad memories that kept flooding in.
Beside you, Hyunju noticed your reaction. Initially confused, she observed closely, trying to understand what was happening. Although she didn’t know exactly what to do, it was clear to her that you were scared, and she hesitated for a moment. Then, carefully, she placed a hand on your shoulder, saying nothing but showing she was there.
— Hey, it’s okay. They won’t hurt you — she said, trying to soothe you with her soft voice, but her attempt didn’t seem to help much. You were still caught in your internal storm, hands pressed to your ears, body trembling. Hyunju looked around, trying to think of what to do until an idea came to her.
— Look at me — she said, and you obeyed, your eyes finally meeting hers. — It’s okay, just breathe, alright?
She noticed a slight relief on your face when one of the players intervened and managed to stop the fight. With the commotion settling, she turned her full attention back to you. — It’s okay, repeat after me — she said, guiding you through breathing exercises. She took deep breaths, and you tried to mimic her, following the rhythm she set. Gradually, your body began to relax, but not enough to completely shake off the weight you felt. You instinctively hugged yourself, seeking comfort, which caught Hyunju’s attention.
— Do you need a hug? — she asked in a calm, careful tone. You hesitated for a moment but eventually nodded.
— May I hug you? — she asked again, waiting for your permission. Another affirmative nod. Carefully, Hyunju moved closer and wrapped her arms around you—firm yet gentle. Something about her size and the steadiness of her embrace made you feel safer, as though she could shield you from the world.
You nestled into her chest, breathing deeply as small tears slid down your face. The warmth and protection you felt there gave you the comfort you needed to begin recovering from the episode.
— It’s okay now — she whispered, holding you firmly but without pressure, giving you all the time you needed.
— I’m sorry — you murmured, voice muffled, trying to rein in your emotions.
— There’s nothing to apologize for. It’s okay — she replied softly, tightening the hug slightly, a silent reminder that she was there for you without rush or judgment.
— It’s just... so much has happened, and I couldn’t handle it — you said, sadness evident in every word. The weight of your emotions felt overwhelming, as though everything had built up all at once. Hyunju sighed softly, understanding the depth of the situation.
— I understand — she said gently, her voice calm and reassuring. — There’s so much pressure here. You’ve just seen so many difficult things, and now this fight... it’s completely understandable. You have nothing to apologize for.
Her words, filled with empathy, eased some of the tension you felt. She didn’t blame you for your reaction, and that gave you a little more freedom to process everything in your own time. Her embrace felt like a silent guarantee that she was there to support you—no rush, no judgment.
Later, when it was time to sleep, she lay down on the bed next to yours, her eyes discreetly watching your movements, a silent promise that she would be there for you if you needed her. Despite her exhaustion, Hyunju couldn’t ignore the strange feeling growing within her: an almost instinctive need to protect you.
As the silence of the night enveloped the room, she reflected on everything that had happened. Tomorrow would be another difficult day, another unpredictable game that would put your lives at risk. But one thing she was certain of: she would stay by your side, no matter what.
#autistic reader#squid game#hyunju x reader#player 120#hyun ju squid game#Hyunju x Autistic!reader#autistic!fem!reader#Park Sunghoon#Squid game x reader
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‘Sex strikes’ aren’t the feminist win they appear to be. Here’s how to get really radical | Finn Mackay | The Guardian
So just read this entire article, and while there's worthwhile information on the history of separatism, 4B and political lesbianism, there's several statements Finn Mackay makes that grind my gears.
The main problem with the idea of a women’s sex strike is that rape exists. Much of the commentary in response to women’s videos and content openly makes this point, as young men reply that women don’t always have a choice. The slogan “your body, my choice”, which has circulated online since Trump’s victory, bleakly summarises this stance.
Rape is, obviously, never done with a woman's consent. But one must really ask, why are so many young women seeing celibacy as a legitimate solution? I recall a scene in Bottoms (2023) when the highschool girls gathered in a cirlce in the gym and the protagonist asked them how many of them had been raped. None of them raised their hands. When the protagonist asked, "Okay, what if we allow for grey areas?" all the girls raised their hands.
Rape is largely seen as something that is done to women walking home alone at night, outside on the street. It must be overt, obvious and completely unavoidable for it to be legit to the public mind. But many teenage girls and women experience rape in romantic relationships with men. SO MANY experience sexual abuse in initially consensual relationships. A LOT OF RAPE occurs during an initially consensual sex act and in initially consensual marriages. We've heard the stories of girls being choked in the middle of making out (without consenting), or being brutalized and disregarded when asking their romantic partner to stop. The normalization of rape in marriage is also proof of its prevalence.
THAT is why so many girls and women are willing to do away with it altogether. Even if it is not likely to change the hearts of men (and here I agree with Mackay), it is WISDOM and COMMON SENSE to close the bedroom door on a man or boy hyped up on violent pornography and indoctrinated by male supremacist notions.
Celibacy is not going to keep out every rapist, but it will reduce the odds of rape endemic to the culture of heterosexual dating/marriage. And even if it wasn't very effective in doing so, the solution certainly wouldn't be, "Hey, I know 60-80% of boys and men are literally primed to sexually brutalize you, but just follow your heart and take a chance anyways and maybe you'll find a good one despite your dogshit odds." Why are we sending girls to the lions' den because the lions will prowl anyway??? Hello?
It is also debatable whether the idea of a sex strike is inherently a feminist act. A problem with seeing a sex ban alone as somehow revolutionary is that it plays into the very problems that arguably created the need for activism in the first place. In this framing, sex is labour – work that women do for men, and can then limit, manipulate or withhold alongside demands for improved conditions. That is not radical. Sex has long been defined under patriarchy as something men want and women should do. Such understandings of sex are why it took so long for rape in marriage to be recognised as a crime, for example – because how could a husband take from his wife what was rightfully his by the law of marriage? Framing sex as women’s labour for men results in sex being commodified and objectified, and the problem is that what can be bartered, exchanged or sold can also be taken. This is not an empowering position from which to call for revolution between the sexes.
Except on a SOCIOECONOMIC SCALE, sex for women is very much already commodified, already labour and already exploited. Prostitution, surrogacy, etc are thriving industries at the moment, so sex (in addition to marriage and motherhood) can very much be defined as a kind of labour in modern society. Even if calling sex labour is also patriarchal rhetoric, it is also an economic fact. Marriages and reproductive labour are invaluable to a patriarchal economy.
SECONDLY, 4B rightfully recognizes sex as the domain men use to exercise their power over women. Patriarchy is fundamentally sexual and deeply intertwined with the heterosexual dynamic. In fact, for the most part, however unfortunate, it defines it. The question isn't whether sex is labour we can use to get men to give us our rights, but whether it is a reclaiming of power and the female identity by refusing men access, by refusing to acquiesce to the fundamental domain of patriarchal power.
The sexual exploitation of women is the gist of patriarchy. That's like it's main thing. By opting out whenever and wherever possible, the woman redefines herself in patriarchal society as explicitly the opposite of what Mackay and many Western liberals suggest she is doing by "sex striking." She is defining herself outside the heteropatriarchal framework and declaring herself an individual independent of the patriarchal state. Men would not be so enraged by this loss of sexual access if this meant nothing to patriarchal power.
It is a little funny to me that Mackay insists that 4B women are agreeing to patriarchal rhetoric by literally refusing to give men what they want and expect of women. These women know sex is expected of them, which is why they're saying no. But Mackay sees it as them adopting the patriarchal narrative themselves. Just . . . fascinating.
Additionally, sexual relationships with men, with or without abuse, are often the gateway to domestic and maternal exploitation. Part of 4B is refusing to marry men and mother children from or with them, both legitimate modes of socioeconomic patriarchal power. Women get pregnant and married purely in relation to sex with men. So sex with men is either the gateway to such exploitation or the justification for it.
The mainstream take on 4B frames it as a sex strike by young, marketable, heterosexual women. An alternative would be to reject such sexist constructs of sex and sexuality, and to imagine, and work towards, an egalitarian future where men and women are not divided up into predator and prey. Rather than a sex strike, there is another tried and tested form of activism, utilised by women and men the world over: a workers strike, the withdrawal of our wage labour that fuels the systems of capital that dare to govern us. Ban patriarchy, not sex.
This is one of her more mistifying statements. I agree with the first sentence entirely. But it goes downhill quickly from there. Imagining a world where men and women are equal does not erase the fact that for a huge chunk of history to the present, women are prey and men predators. That's just the reality. Imagining will not make it go away, and it isn't wrong for women to use language that highlights this reality, no matter how crude.
The second half is even more vague. To me, it's the equivalent of a shoulder shrug. Mackay has spent so much of the article discussing the pitfalls of 4B and separatist thought, and when pressed for an alternative, she just says "capitalism bad."
This is what I mean when I say the zeitgeist is severely divorced from women's experiences. Of course, class struggle is important, but women and men do not experience class struggle the same. We have had all sorts of revolutions over the course of history and a diversity of governmental structures to bat. Yet, communism, monarchy, capitalism and socialism have all failed to eradicate patriarchy. The nuclear family, the home, remains a stronghold in post-revolution societies. So the home, this cell of society, must be the primary battlefield on which human progress--women's liberation--is fought and won.
Like, this article is so shallow in its conclusions its tasteless. How will women "ban" patriarchy exactly? How will they do it on a governmental level if they can't even do it in their homes? How will they find the time and energy to fight for their own rights if they first have to fight for every other cause and then use the rest of that energy on their boyfriends/husbands/children?
The biggest flaw in anti separatist/celibacy/4B posts is that they all consisntently ignore the primary modes of women's socieconomic exploitation at the hands of men: sex, marriage and reproductive labor. AND LET'S BE CLEAR: all these aspects of women's sexuality and sex have been commodified LONG BEFORE our modern age. Girls and women were bought and sold into marriage in order to bear children for men's estate. Critics also frequently ignore the fact that female-only spaces consistently bolster feminist thought and activism. Female solidarity is a huge threat to patriarchy.
So if we as women aren't striking against the very spheres that men use to dominate us, then how on earth can we claim to be advocating for our own cause? How can we combat patriarchy and ignore it's primary functions? If we aren't getting rid of patriarchal institutions and reclaiming power from domains male supremacists have invaded (e.g. our sex lives) then how on earth could we possibly measure the progress of our own liberation?
We cannot keep "let them eat cake"-ing our way to women's liberation. Radical feminists more than ever need to embrace being anti gender, anti marriage, anti religion, anti cosmetics, etc. Or we're fighting for everyone and everything but ourselves.
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Chapter 4: The Fall
Ambessa Medarda x Reader
Synopsis: When you get taken away from your home land and thrown into the palace of the infamous warlord, will things be as bad as they first seemed?
first tag-list!!: @trexsuit @lez-zuha @pearldaisy
A/N: don't mind me just pulling at your heart strings... again :))
I walk down the corridor, my steps echoing off the walls as I enter the training arena. All the warriors are rushing around getting weapons and putting on their battle armor. I see Ambessa donning hers. She momentarily glances up at me, expressionless before turning to one of her soldiers. Someone steps in front of me.
“What’s going on? Where is everyone going?” I ask as I try to get around her.
Wherever I move, the girl moves to get in my way. She looks at me. “I can’t tell you anything, ma’am. I’ve been ordered not to.”
“Like hell you aren’t, what's going on?” My voice raises on its own accord grabbing the attention of a few of the warriors surrounding us.
In just a few seconds Ambessa pushes her way through the crowd, grabbing my arm and pulling me from the crowd. We stand outside in the corridor.
I cross my arms over my chest. “What is going on?”
“We're going to battle,” she says like it’s nothing.
“With who?”
She huffs annoyed and irritated. “With your father.”
My heart sinks. Although I don’t particularly care for my father, I know a lot of bloodshed will come from this battle, innocent lives lost. “Is this because of what happened in the library last week? If you're upset with me, be upset with me. But don’t send your soldiers out to get slaughtered,” I plead.
She narrows her eyes at me. “You doubt my army?”
I sigh. “You don’t understand, they,” I say motioning to the warriors. “Are not ready for the sheer magnitude of magic that you are throwing them into. They can train with me all day and night and never know the full extent of it.”
It’s clear that my words go in one ear and out the other. She scoffs and goes to walk past me and I get in her way. “Ambessa, please.”
“I have to defend Noxus. Get out of my way,” she says harshly.
She tries to push past me again but I hold her at arm's length. “You’re going to get yourself killed and you can’t defend Noxus if you’re dead. So I urge you to reconsider,” I assert. Something in me bubbles up, something I’ve repressed for so long it aches.
She lifts her head. “I have to go,” she murmurs.
Her hand comes up and wipes a tear that I didn’t know I had shed as she cups my chin in her hand. I pull away from her touch. She opens her mouth to say something.
“General, we’re ready to depart,” one of the soldiers announces from behind me. Just as quickly as it was there, the soft, tenderness is gone from Ambessa as she steps back into her General role.
She looks down at me one last time. “Good, the faster we get there the faster we get to come home,” she says as she passes me. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was keeping. My back hits the wall behind me, I slide down as I stare at the wall across from me. Lost.
•••
“When you attack your opponent, you need to be quick and quiet. So absolutely-”
“No giggling,” the children say in unison as they sit on the training mats.
I nod, pleased. “Exactly. Man you guys are quick learners,” I praise, my hands resting on my staff.
One of the younger children of the group comes to me and tugs at my pant leg. I pick her up and rest her on my hip. “What do you need, miss ma’am?” I ask with a warm smile.
The little girl giggles and points at my hands. “Do the thing,” she whispers. Her whispering isn’t that good and the rest of the children hear what she says and join in, urging me to use my magic.
With the little girl still in my arms I kneel down on the mats. “Fine, fine,” I chuckle. I flick my hand and a newt appears on the mats in front of the children. A series of ‘awe’s’ comes from them as the newt rolls over and jumps around, even at times jumping into the children's laps. Seeing the children enjoy the power I was gifted and not be afraid of me, heals something in me, an old wound not forgotten.
Someone clears their throat by the door of the small training area, Mana. “Ma’am, it’s time to go,” she informs with a sorry smile.
I get up from the floor and the children look at me sadly. “Now you guys don’t get into too much trouble, alright? I’ll see you all on Wednesday next week.” They all get up and give me a big hug before Mana and I walk out of the small building.
Stepping outside I shiver before donning my coat as Mana and I walk back to the palace. “Ma’am that is the 3rd time this week that I’ve found you at the children's training center,” she notes worriedly.
It’s been nearly a month since Ambessa and her forces left for battle and I’m worried to say the least. For the first week or so nobody would tell me anything other than ‘they’re alive’ and now I don’t even get that.
I turn to Mana. “It helps distract me. I feel… useful.”
She only smiles. On our way back to the palace we stop and buy some fresh fruit and a light snack.
I help Mana prepare dinner and we eat together in the kitchen. Once I’m done eating I head off to bed.
•••
A loud bell startles me from my sleep. Getting up I make my way out of my room and into the hallway. I follow the noise of rushing footsteps and loud voices to the training arena. The doors leading outside are wide open as soldiers rush in from the cold. They settle down on the mats and await medical treatment from the physicians on standby.
My eyes flutter across the room going from one person to the next unknowingly looking for someone. My heart starts to pound as my search comes up empty. I see Rictus being helped in by another soldier and that’s confirmation enough.
If he's alive, she's alive. He wouldn’t let her die.
I’m pushed out of the area by the physicians telling me that I can’t be in there right now. Right before the doors of the arena close I look one more time.
The walk back to my room is filled with dread.
Did she really go out there and get herself killed? I hope she is alive so I can kill her myself.
I slip into my room and close the door before turning around and freezing.
Ambessa stands in my room silent as she quietly takes me in from head to toe. “Hi,” she says softly as if talking to a wild dog, waiting for me to bite.
I look at her, really look at her. Her eyes are soft but her body is battered. A small cut is seen on her cheekbone and by the way she’s holding her side, she has a big injury.
“Why didn’t you go to the physicians to get patched up?” I ask, my voice wavering slightly.
She looks down at herself. “It’s nothing. I wanted to come see you.” She makes a move to come near me and I step back. “You're angry.”
I don’t reply to her comment. “And you're filthy, take a shower,” I say as I go to my bedside table, not sparing her a glance.
I hear her sigh before hearing heavy footsteps and the bathroom door close shut. Exiting the room I walk the short distance to her bedroom and get her some clothes to dress into before heading back. When I walk in she’s still in the shower so I open the door to the bathroom and place the clothes on the counter.
I rummaged under the sink for the first aid kit I’d taken from the medical wing, back from when I didn’t trust anyone here. As I place it on the counter the water to the shower shuts off. Without looking I hand Ambessa something to cover her chest, underwear, and cover shorts. Without complaint she gets dressed.
“When you’re done sit down on the edge of the tub,” I say as I finish gathering all the supplies I need.
With a deep breath I stand up and turn to walk towards her, her eyes follow me. When I come to stand in front of her I sigh and look her over. There’s not many injuries but it’s enough to be concerned. I shake my head and get started.
Slowly and attentively I work on patching her stomach up, removing any dirt and scrap metal. Ambessa doesn’t make a sound, the only way I know she’s in some kind of pain is her stomach tensing and relaxing. I’m focused as I work.
Once her stomach is bandaged I begin working on the smaller cuts that litter her arms and legs before moving to the one on her face. I inspect the cut, turning her head from side to side, my thumb absentmindedly rubbing over her other cheek. I pull away and get the iodine to clean it up.
“Say something,” she mutters. I ignore her and move to put the solution on her wound and she grabs my hand. I shut my eyes and take a breath before looking down at her.
“What exactly do you want me to say, General?” I spit out bitterly.
My tone clearly surprises her and she looks at me sternly. “Watch your tone.”
I scoff out a laugh. “Watch my tone? No, how about you watch yours, you…” I stop myself from continuing, not wanting to say anything I’ll regret. Ripping my hand from her grip I finish patching up her cheek before turning to put my stuff away.
I feel her eyes burning into my back but I don’t spare her a glance. I wash my hands scrubbing more than I should and I don’t notice my hands going raw, beginning to burn until much larger hands come from behind me and pull my hands away from each other.
I huff, hanging my head as I feel Ambessa’s sturdy frame behind me. “You could have died,” I mutter as I remove myself from her, walking into my room. She follows behind going to sit on my bed.
“But I’m here now, alive and well,” she admits nonchalantly.
I look at her in disbelief and shake my head. “You call that big gash on your side ‘alive and well’?”
Her eyes trace my face, taking in every detail. “Come here,” she says.
“No, you can’t just brush that kind of thing off like that you could have-“
“Stop being stubborn and come over here. Now,” she orders, her voice growing stern.
I stare at her for a second, challenging her. She clicks her tongue and tilts her head towards me, her eyebrow quirked up. “Don’t make me come over there and get you, child.”
I roll my tongue on the inside of my cheek, huffing before walking over to her. I stop a little bit away from her and she grumbles something under her breath before hooking her finger into the waistband of my pants and pulling me to stand between her legs. I cross my arms as she looks up at me, her hand moves to my waist, her thumb rubbing small circles into the exposed skin.
I don’t look at her as she speaks but she moves to try to find my gaze. She takes my hand, grasping it in hers as she guides my hand to her body. Placing my hand on her chest she holds it there with her own. I feel her heart beating, strong and unmoving, undoubtedly her.
She gently turns my face to look at her. “See? I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere…”
My facade drops for a split second as I let myself feel what I’ve been bottling up for months before I come to my senses. I pull my hand away from her. “You should get some rest,” I say quietly as I walk into the bathroom to retrieve her clothes.
When I come back I hand the clothes to Ambessa and she takes them before setting them on the bed beside her. I huff and run my hand down my face. “Put the clothes on.”
She sighs. “I won’t apologize for leaving, it needed to be done and has been a long time coming.”
I huff a laugh and look down at the floor. “And you say I’m the stubborn one…” I mutter under my breath. I walk towards the door opening it. “Get some rest,” I finalize quietly before slipping out of my room, leaving Ambessa.
#ambessa medarda#ambessa medarda x reader#slow burn#ambessa league of legends#angst#arcane ambessa#im too gay for this
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twitter makes my blood boil. i feel like i live in a psyop.
i see so many MEN posting angry tweets about that case with pakistani grooming (rape) gangs in britain, they condemn british government and british police, they ask everyone how could this happen, how could police do nothing about it. it almost seems like a completely normal reaction to these news, what other emotions you could have except horror and anger, right? the only thing, men still slip. they write their posts and they say “the most horrible thing in all this is not the rapes, but police inaction”. oh really, the most horrible thing about rape is not rape but police caring about certain men’s feelings more than girls and women’s wellbeing? wow, such a feminist king, justice in human form. they question, how could britain let those barbarians do that to their girls? probably the same way they let their own barbarians do it to the girls??? they ask, what other country would try to kill itself by ignoring such terrible grooming and sex trafficking crimes? ehm, every single one???
their “sincere” surprise and fury and curses amaze me to such a degree, i almost believed they actually cared about those british girls but of course, they don’t, they only care about their property being damaged not by those who this property is intended for but by some other. this is the only reason for such outcry and it angers me so much.
i see their talking points, and obviously they’re right in questioning why the police and government ignored these cases over the years, why nothing was done, why girls were put to the altar of “keeping peace”. however, this is not the first case. this is not the first rape or first sex trafficking or kidnapping or murder getting ignored, victims blamed, criminals forgiven. and this is not the last. and every time these crimes are discussed, every single man whose opinion i see on every single social media platform defends the rapist, the murderer, and never the victim. they curse her, blame her, shame her, silence her.
they never defend women, they never defend girls. the only time they will do try to show their empathy to women’s pain is when what they see as their property gets damaged by someone else. they pretend to care all of a sudden, it’s such a cruel and horrible act. they will simulate being protective and righteously angered, only because they want to be the ones doing that, not some pakistani muslims, it should be them, in this case white and british. and when that happens, when the perpetrators will be the “right” ones, they will not mutter a single word of remorse and understanding for the victims, quite the opposite, they will condemn victims and praise the perpetrators.
the only good (or not so much) thing i find in these posts is that they still lack real empathy, they show they’re men and they have no idea what they’re talking about, they never understand the whole problem and their ignorance is easy to spot.
#do not read this post as defending these gangs#i only want to point out the hypocrisy of men and that we shouldn’t believe them when they say they actually care because they don’t#radblr#radical feminism#radical feminist safe#feminism#radical feminist community#haveuevermetme posts#radical feminists do interact
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