#first fandom that led to me learning about gay

[spoopyyaoikingdom]

Did the tags

addendums: cult classic tv overlaps with early supernatural seasons somewhat, i am aware, just choose based on the cultural context in which you read your first fic.

for weeaboo crew i was thinking of examples like hetalia, black butler, soul eater, etc--popular anime absolutely included but the distinction is that people who were into dragon ball weren't necessarily going to anime club every week and making deviantart stamps about yaoi, but people into ouran high school host club ABSOLUTELY were.

homestuck is in its own category because homestuck changed fandom forever at a critical time which just happened to be when i was growing up in fandom. harry potter, lotr, star wars, and twilight are in their own categories because they were such multimedia juggernauts they had entire archives dedicated solely and only to their fic that spanned multiple franchise reboots (books -> movies -> extended universes). (i acknowledge star trek technically would fit under this but at the time culturally it had more overlap with other cult classic tv fandoms.)

honorable mentions that didn't make it to the list because i had to pick-and-choose with the 12 answer limit: the final fantasy franchise (axed because i am not familiar enough with the fic scene to know if it was as iconic of a gateway drug as, like, naruto or twilight or star wars fic), a general YA lit category (YA lit outside of twilight only went mainstream slightly after this time period), the MCU (i have a hate boner for the MCU), a broader "american superhero comics" category (this would be valid as an option but i don't have the space)

[l1ndseyper3z]

Charlie Dalton X Knox Overstreet Headcanons

ship: charlie dalton x knox overstreet

fandom: dead poets society (1989)

requested?: no.

warnings: none rlly, is a mention of sex but branding this as smut would be embarrassing

[sfw]

- Charlie's highs may seem constant, but when he has lows they're LOW. He literally just walks into Knoxes dorm and just cuddles up with him

- knox isn't a fan of physical touch but when it's comes to charlie he can't say no

- fun couple

- when knox said "I love you" first charlie defo immediately went "HAHAHA THATS GAY!!" and actually genuinely upset knox

- when he released he'd upset him he turned on mr romantic cause he genuinely felt so bad

- they compliment eachother well, charlie gets knox into chaos, knox bribes charlie out of chaos

- if we went for a modern au, knox would defo make charlie a playlist or get meeks to help burn a cd for him

- knox is the romantic and it makes charlie melt inside, even if he won't admit it

- defo that couple that gets a little too into it in public, entirely led by charlie the horndog

- 1. Cameron hater and his loyal assistant

- charlie fell first, knox fell harder

- before knox accepted himself, he poured all his love for charlie into chris in hopes he'd somehow rid himself of what he was feeling

- charlie would give knox relationship advice and then literally go in a mood with everyone cause he wanted knox

- knox loves leaving little love notes and flowers for charlie to find

- once all the tension and wooings over charlie becomes a bit clueless. he dosent want to loose knox but isn't the best at actually being in a relationship. he learns though

- charlie is little spoon but defo pretends to be Mr big shot infront of the group

- charlie makes all of his poems about knox and all the group tease them about it

- one minute Charlie's bullying knox for his "grandad fashion sense" next minute he's asleep in one of knoxes sweaters

- the group tear charlie to shreds for how down bad he is, they're used to it with knox but to see charlie down bad is rare

- have defo kicked Cameron out so they could fuck

- NEVER stop teasing eachother

- knox has a habit of staring at Charlie's ass (me too)

- charlie brands it a habit, knox brands it a lifestyle

[willicewc]

More gay battle cats >:)

I refuse to accept that Cinderheart became Lionblaze's mate because she was obviously Hollyleaf's girlfriend >:( so Lionblaze can have Mousewhisker instead !

I didn't read the books for a long while now, but from what I remember, Mousewhisker is a very bland character, being even less unique because he is a carbone copy of his slightly more interesting sister Hazeltail.

At this point, Warriors is kind of known for having a metric ton of useless, bland background characters with interchangeable personnalities. I know it's now necessary to have so many background characters to lower the inbreeding... but I feel like the Erins are really having a hard time creating any actual recurring background character with any kind of actual, active role.

At this point, most of the background characters' personalities are made out of headcanons from the fandom ??? :(

That is also why Brackenfur started being known as "patrol guy" and Mistystar was "the one cat who just won't die", because after their little arc (if they ever had one), they stopped being revelant and the Erins don't know what to do with them anymore :(

So I decided to try to make Mousewhisker a bit more "unique" ? Or at least, to make him a bit less forgettable ? His brother is Berrynose, the classic bully who kept going after the Three when they were kits / apprentices. I don't feel like Mousewhisker would ever have the backbone to confront his brother about that, but he would keep apologizing to everyone his brother may offend. Mousewhisker is just a nice, well-rounded little dude, he is really close to his mother Daisy, with way too much empathy for everyone else. His personnality would be very similar to that of his sister, caring and generally well-meaning. I feel like he would always be near the nursery to be with Daisy or entertain the kits. He might even be like Fernsong later and become a "queen" ? A "king" ? He would be such an icon.

Also, knowing that Fernsong is Lionblaze's canon son, if in this au Lionblaze and Mousewhisker ever manage to find some kittens somewhere and adopt them, Mousewhisker would for sure spend all of his time in the nursery with his kits, becoming the first "male queen", which would then prompt Fernsong to later do the same to help Ivypool, and hopefully more toms would do the same and father their kits properly (looking at you, Spiderleg)

Talking about Spiderleg, Mousewhisker clearly had a beef with Spiderleg (who was his mentor ??? I forgot about that ??? All the potential drama in this Clan !!!) because Spiderleg was awful with Daisy and their kits and Mousewhisker won't allow bad parenting in this Clan anymore. He would have been pushing Spiderleg to take care of his kits properly.

Also in the book if I remember well, there was this... Weird obsession with the fact that Hazelpaw, Mousepaw and Berrypaw were not clanborn, and everytime they were picked for something such as going to a gathering, the Three would immediately notice it. This is kind of weird, because it would imply that Thunderclan, despite being led by an ex-kittypet, would STILL be telling their kits that cats who are not clanborn don't belong here. The behavior the Three display when noting everytime that Mouse, Hazel and Berry are not clanborn is a learned behavior, which means that Thunderclan never actually improved and learned from Rusty becoming Firestar ??? This may again just be a neatpick from me but it's still a bit weird, knowing that the most anti-kittypet cats are now "reformed" and have improved (Longtail would be a good example)

In my au, Lionblaze is a reincarnation of Scourge, and as such, it is possible that Lionblaze would be more open minded about Daisy's kits not being clanborn. I feel like Scourge despized the Clans because they were something that he would have loved to be a part of : A community where he would be accepted and where he could belong. Somehow Lionblaze would know that bloodline isn't something that can determine if you belong somewhere. This is even more revelant because his grandfather is literaly an ex-kittypet

I don't know how Lionblaze would end up having his kits with this pairing yet, I thought about the two of them finding stray kittens abandonned by twolegs ? I really enjoy the trans Lionblaze headcanon, but I don't want Lionblaze to be trans JUST so he can have kits :( Being trans should be part of his childhood and the way he grows up, it is a journey of self-discovery, with his family accepting him (because of course Squirrelflight would accept her child whether they are a guy, a girl or non-binary!), and making Lionblaze trans just so he can have babies doesn't seem to be the greatest choice in my opinion ? :( Don't hesitate to tell me what you think is the best option, I am all out for more LGBTQ+ representation in Warriors ! :) Your feedbacks would be very appreciated, even more if you are trans yourself and can give me your advices ! :)

If I do make Lionblaze trans in this au, be ready to see a lot of trans Lionblaze drawings because I will need to flesh that out >:)

[carlos-in-glasses]

The Notorious C-I-G

💌 🍄 📚 🏜️ 🐝 (you don’t have to answer this one if you don’t want, I already know it’s me 🤭)

Lemon...right?

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?

Darn you for making me look! 248!

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Answered this one here and here but here is another: After Andrea met TK and really started opening up her heart and mind to Carlos being gay and in love with another man, she began seeking out queer art, books, shows, so she could learn more about the community her son is a part of. Carlos recommends and lends her things! I touch on this in my fic Wrestling Angels.

📚 ⇢ what’s the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?

I didn't have to say anything. He knew I was shaking.

🏜️ ⇢ what’s your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

I love it when an aspect or overall theme leads a reader to discuss something and it gets a bit more personal and chatty. Fire Island and Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines led to comments in which people shared their memories and feelings about the AIDS crisis and about 9/11 respectively. I guess it makes it seem like the fic has a bit more 'social impact' in a way. It's quite amazing when that happens.

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

Haha @lemonlyman-dotcom... right? You have been so supportive and friendly from the beginning - the beginning being pre-tumblr when you were leaving such lovely comments on my fics. When I saw you'd set up your tumblr I was so happy to be able to interact with you on here too. And now look!

And @thisbuildinghasfeelings - you were one of the first people I spoke to on here and your kindness and enthusiasm not just towards my writing is just incredible and I feel very lucky you're here.

@heartstringsduet your comment on Afterglow of a Supernova basically changed my life in that it made me instantly more confident in my writing, like it represented a turning point in how I felt about it, and you've always been in my corner. And you've made art for my fics???!!!

@goodways you have been so lovely about my fics I feel like I can never thank you enough and your comments always make me laugh and make me think. Your feedback always means the world to me.

@herefortarlos your enthusiasm for my fics, all fics and this fandom is a thing of beauty and so inspiring.

@welcometololaland you were one of the first people to ever tag me in anything and I remember it vividly because I couldn't believe it haha. Your comments are always so hilarious and make me feel like I've done something right, and without you I wouldn't have written I Was Thinking About Your Mouth, so I am forever grateful for that and for you being such a good sounding board when I complain about work!

@cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut mate, you are divine and the fact that you spend any time beta'ing my fics when they are still kinda hot messes is wild to me. Thank you as well for your kindness and generosity!

@im-overstimulated-and-im-sad you are a delight and your comments are like a balm to my soul!

@reyesstrand Also from really early on you were leaving such encouraging comments on my fics and including me in WIP tags and things and I'm so grateful and forever awestruck.

@paperstorm I always cherish in particular how incredible you were about Fire Island (and When Soulmates Swim recently!), and how you helped so much in my hour of need when the whole scary situation around Afterglow of a Supernova happened. Thank you!

There are other people too of course but I worry I'm banging on a bit too much like I'm at the Oscars and the music is going to play over me talking so I just want to wrap up by saying thank you to everyone who has read my fics and commented and left kudos - I've said it before and I'll say it again, it really does blow me away that you're giving your precious free time to my stories in that way.

[wilcze-kudly]

Man you had me so intrigued by Aiwei that it’s honestly unfortunate to me that there’s very little on his character in terms of fanwork TvT and fun little question! If you would ship Aiwei with anyone, who would it be and why?

YEAH. I'm genuinely so sad the fandom isn't interested in him more he's genuinely cool. I like his vibe, his mystery and the fact that he doesn't embody the 'kill kill murder' edgy stereotype of anarchists the rest of the Red Lotus sometimes fall into, since he helped run a city that seemed to reflect the Red Lotus' ideals to an extent, with seemingly little to no murder involved.

As for Aiwei ships, he really has so little interactions with other characters that I do have to grasp at straws. Aiwei is canononically mlm, but I'm not sure if that makes him exclusively into men, since the post that revealed that didn't get into detailed terminology. Nevertheleas, for some reason I always headcanoned Aiwei as gay. He's Su's gay best friend ok?

Ofc I think I first jokingly started shipping Aiwei with the chef of the Beifong family, bcs I thought it'd be cute for them to be basically jist the Beifong babies' gay uncles.

I also find the idea of Aiwei and the acupuncturist (whose name is apparently Guo) being together extremely funny, since he wa sthe one to point Lin towards the guy and also giving some high praise. HE WAS PLUGGING HIS BF'S BUISINESS.

I could could imagine he and Lin might also hook up but honestly that would be a DISASTER.... but then again. I would say Aiwei was part of the Red Lotus polycyle but I think they did not want him there.

I have also jokingly shipped Aiwei with Baatar Sr (especially in pairing with Suyin/Kya ii) because they seem like they'd have some kinship in being the calm and collected counterwrights to Suyin's chaos. Though also since Aiwei's sexualiry is not 100% confirmed, I kinda love the idea of him Su and Baatar being a throuple. Suyin and her husbands who both wear dorky glasses have slay beards and are so, so tired. She probay pegs them both tbh. Plus, his betrayal stings so much more if you think about it in terms of him literally being one of Su's partners.

Another Aiwei ship that came at me from left field but I kinda love is Aiwei and Tenzin? Like they're both spiritual lads and I feel likw they'd be meditation buddies. And I think Aiwei could do a good job telling when Tenzin is stressed or ready to blow up [due to seismic sense] and be able to calm him down. Like imagine an AU where Aiwei survives with the red Lotus but tunes on them to save the airbenders since he didn't sign up for genocide or smth.

And finally, my favourite Aiwei ship, an absolute crackship that could actually work and is somehow ectremely dleicious....

Aiwei x Zhao

Now listen, I know it sounds crazy. But walk with me. We learn that Zhao did not die, but he was sent to the Fog of lost souls. And Zaheer also threw Aiwei into the fog of lost souls.

So like, they could meet. And maybe in their more lucid moments they can bond over their torment, and slowly get their bearings, and maybe find a way to get out of the fog. Since their physical bodies would be dead, I don't know if they could leave the Spirit World, but perhaps they should not be allowed with other people. Maybe thwy can have a cottagecore house in the corner of the spirit world like Iroh [god Iroh and Zhao seeing each other and its like that spiderman meme]. And they can unlearn the ideologues that led them astray together

Or you know. They can just fuck nasty in the Nightmare Soup.

[friends-to-lovers-tournament]

Friends to Lovers Tournament: Quarterfinals, Match 1

propaganda under the cut!

Makoharu:

They are the first ship that comes to mind when I think of friends to lovers. I know Free! hasn't been popular since 2013, bug I just love them so much... Makoto's devotion to Haru. There's even a movie that flashes back to when they're kids when Makoto says "I love swimming and I love Haruka". Soft...

Fuyupoly:

Submission 1:

they're from the winter troupe of the mankai company, and unlike the other troupes they're all adults. that said, they all have varying degrees of trauma and emotional stuntedness. it takes them some time to fully open up to each other bc they're all very cautious of each other's boundaries and don't want to cross any lines which initially led to some issues in the group's formation. over time they've learned to bridge the gap while still being mindful of hard boundaries. at one point they have a discussion about what exactly their relationship is (gay) cuz they were talking about how the other troupes have clearly defined dynamics (spring=family, summer=besties, autumn=rivals & teammates) but they don't,, and homare deadass says they're "people bound by a common destiny" which in and of itself sounds very Gay (like why are you as a man bound to other men by a common destiny), but it goes even further because homare starts spouting WEDDING VOWS: "In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, we shall share our laughter and our tears as those with an intertwined fate... How beautiful we are!" THIS IS A DIRECT QUOTE FROM THE GAME AND THE MC EVEN REMARKS "i can already hear wedding bells in the distance..." 

gradually they become closer, in individual sub-units based on who's paired up as co-leads for a play, and as a troupe overall. also two of its members are childhood friends who had a messy 'divorce' in their young adulthood and it took the game breaking its genre to introduce a timeloop for them to finally make up if that means anything to you. one of their troupe songs "precious to us ~bokura no kisetsu" has some pretty beautiful and fruity lines: "The many kindnesses born in me here / Never fail to breathe life into my chest / Even all the pain and bitterness / Have now become dear to me (Ah…Stay with me)", "No matter how many times our season passes / Let us keep living together / Holding our hands, without ever letting go / Let us open up the curtain of tomorrow", "There is no need for words, because once our gazes meet / Joy sparks a light in your eyes", "Our journey, may it be a brilliant one / As our breaths overlap as one"

a lot of their plays has a LOT of homoerotic tension between the two leads too. their first play has tsumugi and tasuku play angels, and it's heavily implied that tasuku's character has an unrequited crush on tsumugi's character. their third play has azuma play a vampire and tasuku play Just Some Guy and it's generally agreed in the fandom to be one of the gayest, if not THE gayest, play A3 has ever written. obviously the vampire thing is very fruity, but there's also how the vampire was longing to bite the human but was holding himself back, and when the vampire left the human in the end, the human was absolutely HEARTBROKEN over it and was swearing they would reunite one day. the stage play of this takes it even further by having the vampire embrace the human from behind and BITE his neck. the fourth play is a watered-down adaptation of Phantom of the Opera where they genderbend Christine into Chris among other things and change the relationship between Chris and the Phantom to one of friendship.... ostensibly so, because there's still a lot of homoerotic undertones in their interactions. i could go on but this should be enough of a sampling taste 

Submission 2:

the writers rlly said "let's take 2 normal guys who are childhood friends and have been into theatre since their school days and have them go through a pre-canon messy divorce, an eccentric poet with a potentially controversial haircut, an amnesiac sleepyhead who can only be awoken with marshmallows but is also somehow extremely athletic despite doing nothing but sleeping and eating marshmallows all day, a man who is so beautiful and mysterious he breaks gender, and a supposed android from a fictional south asian country, and throw them into a blender, oh and for good measure let's throw in some theatre and angst and gay and angst and gay" and the end result was marriage. i mean it took them a lot of awkward fumbling around and conflicts to get there but they got there and thats what matters. ok *technically* in-text they're all rlly good friends and kinda found family BUT they are found family via marriage papers i do not make the rules chief

Submission 3:

The reason why they are so friends-to-lovers to me is because their relationship is founded on quiet and unconditional acceptance of each other—regardless of how flawed they may be or how heavy their burdens and trauma may be. When the troupe first formed (sans Guy who was in another country at the time), they didn’t have any major clashing personalities at the very beginning and generally they were mindful of each other’s boundaries, unlike the other troupes that came before them. However, it’s BECAUSE they were too mindful of said boundaries that it was difficult for them to break down their walls and bond as a team—and there were a LOT of walls to break down, as all of them had varying degrees of emotional baggage and trauma.

In fact, it’s only three plays in that they finally truly start opening up to each other, with Azuma getting the ball rolling by opening up about the deep loneliness that haunted him ever since his childhood. It’s during this conversation that they also discuss what their relationship as a troupe is, because the other troupes have defined their relationship as a team (Spring is family, Summer is best friends, Autumn is rivals & teammates), and Homare goes on to declare that they’re “people bound by a common destiny” and goes on to spew wedding vows: "In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, we shall share our laughter and our tears as those with an intertwined fate... How beautiful we are!" I mean… it can’t get any more obvious than this, really. They are married.

But anyway, Tsumugi says he wants their relationship to be one where while they respect each other’s need for space, they’ll also be there for each other and share their pains and burdens—or in his words: “supporting each other when our burdens become too heavy to bear on our own”—which I think is really sweet because it carries this idea of quiet, unconditional acceptance; they don’t push each other to share more than they’re comfortable with sharing, but with whatever they ARE comfortable with sharing everyone carries the load and pain because pain is easier to bear when you’re not bearing it alone <3 

A later part of the story focuses on Hisoka, a mysterious amnesiac, being terrified of regaining his memories and facing some “sin” from his past that has led to another character, Chikage, trying to take revenge on him. When he confesses this to the rest of the Winter troupe, Homare asks, “How heavy is this sin you bear?” and Azuma suggests, “Perhaps it’s just heavy enough for the five of us to carry together.” (at this point Guy hasn’t joined yet). The stage play adapts this scene into a song called Key to Memory. The key (pun unintended) part is 1:27 where there’s a back-and-forth between Hisoka and the other Winter troupe members (sans Tasuku because he wasn’t in that particular play)

Hisoka: “I’m scared…”

Tsumugi, Homare, Azuma: “It’s okay.”

Hisoka: “My unforgivable sin…”

Tsumugi, Homare, Azuma: “Let’s carry it together.”

Hisoka: “I might not be me anymore.”

Tsumugi, Homare, Azuma: “It’s all right. We understand and we accept you, so let’s go together.”

And it ends with Hisoka singing: “I was afraid to open the door of my locked memories. But if everyone is here, I believe I can do it.”  In both the game and stage play, Hisoka fully regains his memories and reconciles with Chikage (long story). He tells Fuyupoly he can’t go into detail about his past with Chikage because it’s dangerous but he’ll tell them when the time is right, and they accept this saying that no matter what his past is, they know and love him as their Hisoka which obviously is a very sweet thing for friends to say, but it’s also very Marriage-coded to me.

Later, Guy is introduced as an android from Zahra (a fictional South Asian country) and joins the Winter troupe as a temporary member—because he’s stuck in Japan for the foreseeable future—until they find a permanent member to replace him. The other Winter members have a conversation among themselves and agree that regardless of whether he’s really an android or a human they’ll accept Guy for who he is and help him improve his acting, which again harkens back to the idea of ‘unconditional acceptance’. Eventually it’s revealed that Guy is in fact a human who has forgotten his memories of the past and his emotions. He recovers his memories all at once which shocks his system and causes him to pass out. When he wakes up in his room, he finds the rest of the Winter Troupe asleep around the room—which I believe is symbolic of their whole theme of “quiet acceptance”: they don’t want to push Guy to share beyond what he’s comfortable with, but they’re always there to listen to him and share his load if that’s what he wants. He opens up about the memories he recovered, and they don’t treat him with pity like he’s a lost child, but still extend gentle empathy and understanding. They also emphasise that it genuinely doesn’t matter to them whether he’s human or android because he’s Guy first and foremost. It’s at this point that Guy truly lets himself become part of the Winter troupe/Fuyupoly and not just as a temporary stand-in member, because he’s found a place where he’s found himself again and people who will accept who this “himself” is, whether that be an android devoid of emotions or a human brimming with vivid beautiful emotions.

[Mod note: There’s a LOT more but we’re afraid of crashing the post. I (Deli) summarised it the best I can since I’m familiar with A3, but if you want to read the full thing you can check it out on this google doc)

[theallegedbird]

2023 art summary but i try ridiculously hard to make it look like i haven't almost exclusively drawn tma since march

now for mandatory end of year reflection cheesiness <3

really proud of how far i’ve come this year, my arts got to a point i’m really happy with what i’m making, hoping i continue to learn and improve next year!!

also pretty proud of how far i’ve come in general, i haven’t exactly had the best track record when it comes to mental health and was in a really bad place when it came to my depression and anxiety last year and the start of this one, and while it’s had its struggles, including doing gcses and finishing high school as well as other personal matters, overall i’ve been well. a lot happier

i finally came out to my family after what like. two years, and while they still don’t really get it, they’re trying, and that’s a start. i went to a new school for many reasons, i’ve got new friends who share my same shitty taste of humour which is what has led to about 7+ pieces of questionable pale man fanart, i’m doing subjects i’m actually passionate about and for the first time since i was 10 i actually enjoy going to school. and for the last 2 months i’ve been cleaning, tidying and redecorating my room, which to me, many others i’m sure will understand, is a big deal, it’s something i’ve tried and failed to do for so long, and it felt great

sorry for rambling on what i’m trying to say is thank you, might seem dumb but this silly little podcast and its fandom has helped a lot, motivating me art wise especially

every single kind word and has meant the absolute world to me and your support has been phenomenal, i may be just a silly little guy drawing silly little gay people on the internet but i mean it truly

as of posting this it just turned midnight, happy new year!! :D

[danpuff-ao3]

Non-HP Recs

Normally I don't read outside of my main fandom, due to the powers of hyperfixation. But lately, between tempting Twitter recs and a walk down memory lane, I've spent more time reading (or rereading) non-HP fics and figured I'd throw some favorites together for anyone interested!

America Isn't Chicken

by Amuly. Fandom: Marvel. Ship: Steve/Tony. Words: 130,631. Rated: E. Dub-con. Angst. Violence. Kidnapping. Getting together. Gay chicken.

After a Civil War, death, rebirth, a takeover by Osborn, brain deletion, and the fall of Asgard, Steve and Tony might just be starting to get back on solid ground with one another. Things aren't perfect, not yet, but they can be in the same room as each other without resorting to violence, and they've even managed to share a smile or two. Seems like the perfect time, then, for Tony to try and fuck it all up with a stupid game of gay chicken. Meanwhile, as if he didn't have enough to worry about, Tony realizes some kind of supervillainous trouble is brewing when increasingly advanced armors start popping up all over Manhattan, looking strangely reminiscent of his tech. On the other side of the world, Steve gets news that Zola is on the move in Russia, with some sort of nefarious plan at work.  Which will ruin them first? Will it be this unknown armored villain who is after Tony's tech? Or will it be Zola unleashing his mysterious plan on the world? Or will Steve and Tony prove to be their own worst enemies, destroying the tentative truce they managed to forge with their own stubbornness?

Notes: this fic was my jam and I read it soooo many times. I love all the denial and temptation and angst!! Also: mega hot.

Met the Dodgers

by Amuly. Fandom: Marvel. Ship: Steve/Tony. Words: 17,192. Rated: M. Baseball. Fluff & angst. Romance.

Tony decides that, with his reputation, there's only one best way to show Steve he's serious about their budding relationship. Buy the Dodgers and move them back to Brooklyn for him.

Notes: I have no words, only feelings. Big, lovely feelings.

The Writing on the Wall

by DasMervin, MrsHyde. Fandom: Supernatural. Ship: Dean/Castiel. Series: 26 works. Words: 574,830. Rated: E. Demisexual Cas. Internalized homophobia. Slow burn. Heavy angst.

The writing was on the wall—and now Dean just had to try and understand it. A Post-Season Six alternate universe, going a different route from what happened in Season Seven and exploring a long and difficult relationship between Dean and Castiel.

Notes: This is the series that introduced me to the term "demisexual" and is what led me on the journey of exploring asexuality. I identified as demi myself for a while until I finally accepted my full ace-ness, but I learned a lot along the way, and it was all thanks to this fic. Plus all the inner turmoil and internalized homophobia?? This series is a GEM if you like extended suffering and true love overcoming all.

Blackbird

by emungere. Fandom: Hannibal. Ship: Hannibal/Will. Words: 88,892. Rated: E. Emotional manipulation. Possessive behavior. Sadism & masochism. Dom/sub. Case fic. Murder. Knifeplay/bloodplay.

Shortly after Will kills Garret Jacob Hobbs, he and Hannibal stumble into a D/s relationship. It's a relief to have Hannibal telling him what to do, but the closer they become, the closer he gets to realizing who and what Hannibal really is.

Notes: this author is great.

What Dreams

by emungere. Fandom: Hannibal. Ship: Hannibal/Will. Series: 2 works. Words: 92,878. Rated: E. Sugar daddy. Courtship. Slow burn.

A seduction through physical objects. It starts with a scarf loaned to Will on a cold day, but Hannibal, as usual, isn't satisfied with anything small.

Notes: the first Hannigram fic I read and I was SOLD. Obsessed.

Shinkton

by iesika. Fandom: Hannibal. Ship: Hannibal/Will. Series: 2 works. Words: 65,342. Rated: M. Secret identity. Secret relationship. Murder Valentines. Courtship. Knifeplay/bloodplay. Unsafe sex. Dub-con. Animal harm. Suicidal thoughts.

Courtship and marriage among killers and cannibals.

Notes: Saw @vitaminpops on Twitter talking about "sweet williams" showing up in Hannigram fics and I was seized by NEED. They gave me this link and I INHALED it. On a busy work day no less. Any spare minute I had, I was reading. And now it's inspired a Hannibal rewatch. 10/10 do recommend.

To a Stranger

by Mad_Lori. Fandom: Sherlock. Ship: John/Sherlock. Words: 156,714. Rated: E. Hollywood AU. Secret relationship. Romance. Show Business. Coming Out.

Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world?

Notes: again, I'm not always an AU person, but this is 10/10. Another one due for a reread I think!

IllumiNaughty

orphaned. Fandom: Marvel. Ships: Steve/Tony (main), T'Challa/Namor, Tony/Steve/Black Bolt/T'Challa/Namor/Hank McCoy/Strange. Extreme dub-con. Gangbang. Punishment. Condoms. Emotional manipulation. Guilt. Emotional/psychological abuse. DEAD DOVE.

It's after the incursions are put to an end, after the multiverse is saved... and after Steve finds out that Tony (and the rest of the Illuminati) wiped his memory to keep the incursion events from him. Tony wants to make things right, so Steve gives him an ultimatum: allow the members of the Illuminati to gang-bang Tony, while Steve watches and instructs.

Notes: not gonna lie, this is very messed up but also very hot. I've truly read this fic to death. (Time for a reread? Probably!)

Out of the Deep

by riseofthefallenone. Fandom: Supernatural. Ship: Dean/Castiel. Words: 488,608. Rated: E. Fantasy AU. Human Dean. Merman Castiel. Telepathy. Hurt/comfort. Minor character death.

Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep. It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep. Castiel should have listened better.

Notes: AUs don't always draw me in, and they certainly didn't several years ago, but this fic is so special. There is so much thought and care put into the merfolk world/culture, and how a relationship could unfold between a human and a merman. It is a very long and beautiful journey between these two.

Though the Truth May Vary

by thepretender501. Fandom: Marvel. Ships: Steve/Tony, Loki/Tony, Coulson/Steve, Rhodey/Tony (main: Steve/Tony.) Words: 3,890. Rated: M. Flangst. Open relationship. Jealousy.

And Steve wasn’t an addict. He could quit Tony anytime he wanted. He just didn’t want to.

Notes: idk what to say about this one, just it's forever stuck out for me. Something about it just feels special.

[mrslittletall]

Choosing violence maybe for 13 and 25? For whichever fandom you have something to say about

I chose violence

13. worst blorboficiation Oh, how fun! I think we could do this for almost every listed fandom ^^ In Dark Souls it is probably Gwyndolin and I have to admit, I am not completely free of guilt of this, but I still fully lean into them having daddy issues and wanting the cycle to continue, I just portray them a bit more sympatethic in the matter, as feeling as if this is the only choice, what they were raised for etc etc. But I also see people write Gwyndolin as this innocent baby angel and not as the last child of Gwyn who is kinda behind the plot of the first Dark Souls. There is some pride in Gwyndolin and we should portray them accurately. Or not. Do what you guys want ^^ I just wanted to point stuff out. Hmmm, in Bloodborne... probably Micolash. I see a lot of people kinda... not leaning into Micolash being batshit insane. If you now point at me and say "Little, your Micolash is a quirky shameless innocent boy", that is Byrgenwerth era Micolash who is like 15 years old and hasn't even thought about the atrocities he will commit! I swear, if I would write canon Micolash, he would be a LOT different. I actually should write him. I never tried and he is so interesting! For Hollow Knight it is Grimm imo. He gets flanderized a lot. He is either the gay uncle or ship material but rarely, very rarely is he the Higher Being he is in canon. I admit I write Grimm as a major troll in my own fic, Off Balance, but he still is a god in this, following his own plan from the start. He never agreed to help PK from the good of his heart and while his plan is ultimately for the sake of another one, I still think I did him justice. I hope ^^ Elden Ring. I don't even have to think about it. Mohg and Morgott! Mohg oftentimes feels like his canon gets completely ignored and shoved under the rug (and if you do this, fine, I get the character makes people uncomfy). But I think Morgott is even worse. Yes, I like Morgott as well and I lean fully into his whole self hating and learning to love himself fanon, but... guys, sometimes I feel you forgot that he canonically killed dozens and dozens of Tarnished, had an order under his command that hunted Tarnished and pretty much is NOT a friend to your Tarnished in canon at ALL. Please, lean more into Morgott that is so into the grip of the Golden Order if you try to write him in canon. Okay and now I probably upset a lot of people. These are just my own opinions. You can blorbofy your blorbos as much as you want. I won't and can't stop you. I might just not read your fic or your comic, that is all. Alright, nobody is offended here, right? I am sure guilty of my own blorbofications ^^

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing Hmmmm... good question. I rarely look at complaints and when it comes to Dark Souls, it isn't a fandom complaint I am sick of hearing, but the "easy mode" crowd. I am not even AGAINST easy modes, but Dark Souls difficulty is so much ingrained into the lore that taking it away would be a really big detriment to the game. For Bloodborne it is easy. Gehrman haters. Please, leave the old man in peace. He chose a fucked up way to grieve someone that he either loved romantically or as a daughter. Canon never does say that he did anything to the doll! If all, the lore implies that he mostly ignores her. Hollow Knight. That PK and Radi are colonizers. Where does that idea even come from?! If you follow the lore, Radi was there first and then PK came and then they had a battle about followers. It wasn't even a bloody battle, nowhere in the lore does it say that countless bugs died or such, it was more so that PK managed to gain more followers and that led to the whole disaster. What they are both guilty of is supressing the void culture, I suppose, but there was also no mention of killing. The whole killing only happened once the infection came into place. Elden Ring. That is also a no-brainer. The whole people who are denying that Mohg is romantically involved with Miquella. If you see it as consentual or non-consentual, Mohg is completely infatuated with Miquella. Nobody who would want to have power would cradle a hand like that and speak that softly. Okay, I think I talked enough ^^ Again, these opinions are my own. If you don't agree with them, that is fine. I am not mad at you. You have a right to have your own opinions and headcanons, even though I don't agree with them.

[fanficfanattic]

Got tagged by several lovely people because no one knew I’d already been tagged. Because it took me several hours to copy/paste WIP titles/first sentences into a document lolol. Super happy to finally make it happen though @orbitalpirate @kvetchinglyneurotic and @jamietarttdodododododo !

Game: put the titles of your WIPs, reguardless of how vague or uninformative they are and let people send asks about them. Tag some people, maybe the amount of WIPs you have.

A) I’m big in Ted Lasso so I’m only posting the 120 for this fandom. If someone wants the list of 50 for Dirk Gently or 2 dozen for My Hero Academia; just holler at me!

Battler

Choir Jamie

Jamie v Nate

Back’s Against the Wall, Takes the Hit For Us All

Block His Number

Sam's Dad Take 1

You've Become a Good Person

Jamie Forgives Nate

Season 2 era Dani/Jamie

"Higgins ""well I think if you care about"

Playlist Fic

Keeley Got Pregnant Season 1

A/B/O: All Roy's Headbutts Damage His Scent

James Tart Sr Plants Drugs

Jamie to Ted But Kind of Everyone.

Memories

Dad Like a Hornet

Season One or Two

Henry Calls Ted So He Can Talk to Jamie

Bus Ride Nightmare

Soulmate AU

Beard

Jamie's Coming Out Movies Playlists

Decided on LCA Because Healing Broken Ribs

Jamie's Aunties

One of the Georgie Brings a Video A..

DANI sharing his father

Patty Comes to Dressing Room to D..

RoyxJamie wedding fic

JamieDaniSam

Roy Saying Jamie Threw Away His Career

Roy Realizes Jamie is Scared at the Gala

Roy Kent's Pet

Jamie Nightmare on Bus Season 1 A..

Trust

Why He Had to Push Roy's Buttons

Why He Has to Be Great

Tom O'Brien/Paul Reynolds

James Tart Hurts Jamie Before His First Game Back

Pussy

Will Sees Jamie Injured & Hears Convo With Dad

Jamie's Trent Impression

You don't know anything about me!

Simon Shows Up to Take Jamie to A&E

Georgie The Harpoonist

Jamie's Make-a-Wish kids

"Georgie ""I taught him to fight but not how to stop"""

Poet Jamie

Jamie being overwhelmed with pleasure

Amy from LCA comes to visit s2 Jamie

Dani starts dating Jamie S1

Jamie's First Day Back Had a Responsible Meeting with Team

Jamie's Mom RE His Dad

Car Park Kid Video

Mystical Team Building

Jamie Comforts Phoebe Gets Hit By Roy

Ransom Fic

Georgie's Video Memories

Jamie & Jan

Jamie flirts with Paddy on the Pitch

Show Up: Convo with Phoebe

Nonsexual A/B/O: Sam is Jamie's Alpha

Ted Lasso and Dirk Gentle crossover

Lads Watch Porn

James & Bug Attack Jamie

Collar?

Every Text is A Crime

Roy Asks Keeley for Jamie Advice and Doesn't Ignore It

Georgie Gave Jamie to James to Protect Herself

Roy Sees Jamie’s Ass in a Mirror and Goes Gay

Family Day Positive Georgie

Season 1 Jamie has friends visit

Zava Multi-Chapter

Jamie Thinks Ted sent him back b/c injury

Led Tasso

Princesses and Dragon

Social Worker Jamie

Coach Crash: Pinned

S1 Jamie, Simon Dies

Time Loop

1.10: Will tries to stop James Tartt Sr

S2 Jamie kidnapped for fighting ring

Ted Laskmaster

Roy's Extra Special Football Baby

Gordon Ramsay Reminds Jamie of Someone

Paddy Insta Live

Touch Issues

Georgie Turns James In Season 2

James Fakes His Own Death

Someone Talks to Roy About How He Treats Jamie

Sam Learns to Top Season 1 Team

Yeah? Me old man thinks you and he are just alike

Teaching Phoebe Art Fic

Early Season 2, Team Tricks Jamie

Ted DOES Go in the Treatment Room

Isolation

S3 Declan/Jamie

1.06 Jamie Collapses on Pitch During Cone Duty

"""Roy Won't Hurt Me"""

Jamie's Issue with Dead People

Family Curse

Sold After LCA

Investigative Journalist

Group Home

Belted

James Visits S1 Richmond

Dani Checks Treatment Rooms after games

"""I like history, it’s already happened so it’s easier to understand"""

The Stands

Keeley Teaches Roy How to Teach Jamie

Trick Plays

Pacifier fic

Fresh Back S2 Jamie Helps Ted with Panic Attack

S2 Jamie Saves Girl From Getting Drugged

1.06 Jamie Panic Attack

James Beats Jamie for Getting Benched

You Told Me You Saw It

S2 Roy Breaks Tartt Silence but to Yell at Ted

Mind Games

S1 Jamie Ices Out Colin and Isaac

[ancientevangelions]

Evangelion, LGBT+ Rights and Time

It is fascinating how readings of Evangelion have changed over time as society varies. In 2012-2015 (and to some degree even now), vocal shippers would bully others if they chose the "wrong" pairings. Reminder to everyone that you choose to engage with fan content, and it is 100% your choice to harass and bully people over their views. Shipping fictional characters should be fun and a way to engage on a different level with fandom, not an exercise in who has the moral high ground. There are shows I will not engage with because I find the canon pairings to trigger my C-PTSD, but I block those tags. (It's Madoka Magica; the third movie starts a violent fear reaction).

When I first watched Evangelion circa 2010, a Trans reading of Evangelion, though not unheard of, was less common than it is now. I grew up in Northern Alberta, Canada, where we knew what gay, straight, and bi were. Still, everything else was not mentioned until after I graduated high school and moved to a bigger city for University in 2009. This led to me doing a lot of self-discovery. I didn't fully embrace my non-binary identity until I turned 28 for various reasons, including personal safety (that would be spring of 2019, for those wondering). I knew my gender identity differed from others because of the LGBT+ club at University, where I would hang out and learn new terminologies, identities, and what consent meant. Still, until recently, people did not talk about LGBT+ identity outside of these circles, especially not in groups with aging populations. Fast forward to now (2023) on Tumblr, when there are so many differences in opinions and interpretations. I wonder if people my age (or older) watched Eva and considered the characters could be anything but straight and cis or if they were shocked by Maya's love for Ritsuko when it was revealed in End of Evangelion. 90s media had a lot of ingrained homophobia and transphobia. You don't need to look further than popular sitcoms like the Simpsons or FRIENDS to see the LGBT+ community ridiculed for a cheap laugh. Western society was very anti-LGBT, and though we have made gains with marriage equality laws in 2005 for Canada, there is still room for improvement.

When I watched NGE/EoE, It was at the start of LGBT+ identities becoming more prevalent in Western media. I watched the ambiguous interactions of episode 24, and I remember thinking how sad it was that Kaworu had to die. The interactions between Shinji and Kaworu did not appear romantic or wholesome while I watched. It seemed tragic and doomed to failure (like Shiniji's previous attempts at gaining understanding.) Upon my first watch, I concluded that Shinji's desperation for affection led to his attraction to Kaworu. It did not seem genuine, and I saw it as less romantic and more as a deeply tragic episode where a broken boy is manipulated by lies of exclusion and ultimately heartbroken because he is once again betrayed and left alone. This reading was solidified for me in EoE when Asuka confronts Shinji with the line that anyone will do in Hell's Kitchen. Shinji is even more frantic and desperate for someone to love and save him and is once again rejected. Shinji wants someone to give him love and support and to understand and help him. The fear and desperation of being left alone make Episode 24 and End of Evangelion incredibly twisted and tragic. Shinji's arc climaxes with the tragedy of human miscommunication, desperation for affection, and the desire for love and understanding without the act.

Hell's Kitchen (End of Evangelion)

There's so much pain in suffering and loneliness. Additionally, I firmly believe Shinji did not/does not love anyone romantically in NGE/EoE. I am not saying he has no potential to love anyone. He is not there yet in his journey. He may have crushes or interests, but romantic love takes Time, communication, compromise, understanding, and so many elements of vulnerability between two people to establish, form, and maintain that connection. Shinji did not have the time to develop a true romantic bond with anyone and was not in a formal relationship. Yes, he kissed Asuka and relied on her for stability/support. He had deep conversations with Kaworu and received unconditional affection. He trusted and depended on Misato. He was curious about Rei and wanted to help her/know more about her. Still, he never took steps to form a romantic partnership, instead preferring to "keep things ambiguous."

Shinji is still figuring things out. The point of NGE and EoE isn't romance. It's figuring out your identity.

This message of misunderstanding and muddling through your identity is likely why it resonates so much with LGBT+ communities because many of us did have to muddle out our difficult questions of identity. It can be intimidating to navigate so much information, especially if you aren't in a safe environment. It feels similar to being attacked by alien forces in a war zone, except instead of Angels, it is hate-filled views, bullying, name-calling, misinformation, and fear. And instead of Evas/NERV, we have GSAs, outreach centres, online spaces, and supportive people that we hope will help us more than they harm us.

I find an element of cultural difference intriguing in Evangelion (and all Japanese anime to some degree). Japanese people interpret scenes very differently from English-speaking Western audiences. Part of the nuance is lost in translation, cultural differences, and the differences in Time that have passed. I highly recommend reading various semi-autobiographical works such as "The Bride was a Boy" or "My lesbian experience with loneliness." to understand the queer experience in Japan better. There are a lot of differences to sort through when we look at different cultures. Unfortunately, Japan has a ways to go on LGBT+ rights, including access to transgender health care and same-sex marriage (which, at the time of writing, is still not recognized in Japan). My point is that culture-to-culture intent in various media, whether written or visual, will be lost. We can, of course, read interpretations, watch video essays, talk to friends, etc. Still, to draw our conclusions, we often would rather watch the source material as "purely" as well as can without interference from other people. This brings in a final theme from Evangelion. We can never understand anyone 100%; only you can completely understand yourself. So whether you agree or disagree with me, remember these are my thoughts and opinions shaped by my life growing up as an LGBT+ Canadian. So be good to yourself, and congratulations.

[gamora-borealis]

wait... now I'm feeling emotional. I got back into dnp around the time when goncharov hit, and that next semester I wrote my master's thesis (technically a research report for graduation but I made it more like a thesis) on tumblr and goncharov while watching dnp to get through the emotional turmoil known as a grad school. and I realized as I wrote it that it was roughly the tenth anniversary of me joining tumblr when I was 13. and then I realized that fall 2023 would be the tenth anniversary of me discovering danisnotonfire. and I'm only just now putting it together that dan's fandom videos that I first watched on his channel, probably helped spark my interest in fandom from a meta/academic perspective? like he distilled all the lingo and common understandings among online communities into snappy little comedic video essays and that really did have such an effect on me. like, this is a unique culture that one can study! there's terms to be learned, and more people should take notice and not dismiss fandoms as crazy people with no life (although I mean. many of us resonate with that though lol). like my reengagement with dnp felt special at the time, partially because I was healing the part of myself that avoided the phandom as a teen because I was afraid of anything remotely gay-adjacent as a repressed evangelical, but also because tumblr, the topic of my thesis, is how I found dnp when I was 14. but now I'm realizing it's all connected in this deeper way I never consciously considered until just now, nearly a year later.

what's funny too is that the video that got me back into dnp in 2022 was dan's "We are in a relationship" Dystopia Daily that very much echos his old fandom videos as parasociality is the hot internet culture topic of our current time. and when I took a class from the advisor of my thesis the year before, we talked about parasocial relationships in regards to mass communication theory and our discussion led to me bring up tumblr and she told us that she loves tumblr and fandoms so much, and that's part of why I picked her to be my advisor lol.

[fantastic-rambles]

Fandom: Sk8 the Infinity

Characters: Ainosuke Shindo (ADAM), Tadashi Kikuchi, Aiichiro Shindo (briefly mentioned)

Warnings: Anal Sex, Gay Sex, Brief Religious (Christian) Themes

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: When Ainosuke goes looking for Tadashi at the mansion after an earthquake, he finds a man who's been thrown back into the past and learns about some of the nightmares that haunt him. [Year of the OTP 2023 @yearoftheotpevent. March: "make me"]

Part 1

The house staff was already hard at work cleaning up the aftermath of the earthquake. Ainosuke waved off the ones who noticed them, graciously thanking them for their work while tugging Tadashi along behind him, his hand wrapped around the other man's wrist. He felt his assistant's tension, but when Tadashi tried to carefully tug his hand away, Ainosuke tightened his grip. He didn't hesitate to lead the older man past the servant's wing, heading toward his office, but when he tried to walk past it, Tadashi stopped in his tracks, jerking Ainosuke to a halt as well.

"Ainosuke-sama, I can go back to my room," he protested softly. "If you just want me to rest, I promise you that's what I'll do. We shouldn't do this now… it's not right."

Ainosuke felt a familiar flare of irritation, but it felt even stronger now than it had before. Not right? Not right was whatever his father had done to Tadashi, leaving the broken man he'd found in the garden. Not right was sneaking around at night as if he was still afraid of the man's ghost or his sisters' disapproval. He'd accepted it until now because that was what Tadashi had wanted, but right now, he wasn't feeling very understanding. Tadashi was his, and he'd make that clear to everyone—and Tadashi most of all.

"Just follow me," he ordered, his tone more curt than he'd intended. But it got Tadashi moving as they continued up the hallway before Ainosuke pushed the door to his bedroom open. His bed had been neatly made, and he led Tadashi to it, turning the covers up with one hand. Tadashi obeyed his wordless command, climbing into the bed and letting Ainosuke tug them back up to his chin before he perched on the edge of the bed, resting a hand on Tadashi's forehead.

"Just rest," Ainosuke insisted. But the emerald eyes that stared up at him still held a glimmer of fear. He watched as a wet, pink tongue slipped past dry lips to lick at them, and he waited for the words that seemed to wait at the tip of it.

"Make me."

Rather than a challenge in the whisper, there was a plea, and Ainosuke's heart clenched. He knew what Tadashi was asking for, and there was a part of him that wanted it, too. He wanted to keep Tadashi here, to mark him as his own, to erase every last trace of the man who'd claimed Tadashi first. But how would that make him any different from his father?

"Please."

Ainosuke's hand moved to brush Tadashi's hair back, still staring into the other man's face.

"You're sure?" he asked quietly, and Tadashi nodded, pressing his face against Ainosuke's hand.

"In that case, undress."

He watched Tadashi sit up on the bed before he tugged off his jacket. As he loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, Ainosuke's eyes snagged on the pale skin that was revealed. It looked warmer by the light of the day, and he couldn't resist reaching out to lay his hand over Tadashi's heart.

"You did this… with my father?" he asked, morbid curiosity getting the better of him. Unconsciously, he held his breath as Tadashi seemed to be thinking about it. That was already an answer in and of itself, but Ainosuke still waited until Tadashi half-shrugged, tugging his shirt off.

"Never in a bed," he replied softly. Ainosuke felt some of the knot in his heart loosen, even as he tried not to think about why that had been the case. Or where they might have done this, instead. As much as he hated comparing himself to his father, he had to admit that they were both performative, inclined to dramatics in their own way. Whenever he saw his father when he'd been younger, it had always come with a lesson, often one even harsher than his sisters'. He'd been Ainosuke's God, omnipotent and terrible, demanding unwavering faith and utter devotion.

And Ainosuke had given it to him, up until the moment that what he'd loved more than anything else had been taken from him. Because God would never give him more than he could handle… so Aiichiro had been only a false God. His true God was the man before him now, the one who had bestowed the Garden of Eden upon him and put him through trials to prove his love.

As slim, beautiful fingers reached out to undo the buttons on his own shirt, Ainosuke's own hands cupped Tadashi's face, his thumbs brushing against warming cheeks before he leaned forward to kiss the other man. He tried to keep it light and gentle, afraid of pushing too far and hurting Tadashi unintentionally. It was laughable: they'd both hurt each other so much for so many years, miscommunication and guilt and wounded pride widening the gulf between them. So many times, Ainosuke had thrown barbed words at the other man, trying to elicit some sort of reaction, only to be met by an unwavering wall. Even when he'd shoved Tadashi around, the other man had just accepted it… because it was Ainosuke, or because he'd been taught to by Aiichiro?

"It's okay," Tadashi murmured, pressing their lips together more firmly as he slid Ainosuke's shirt and jacket off his shoulders. "I want this. I want you, Ainosuke."

But he couldn't shake his growing feeling of guilt. Even now, Tadashi was the one comforting him, when it was supposed to be the other way around. With a soft growl of frustration, he pushed Tadashi back down, shoving the covers aside to help pull off his pants. Soon, their remaining clothes had been discarded haphazardly on the floor beside the bed as their bodies twisted together, embracing each other tightly and just kissing. Despite himself, Ainosuke was growing hard as Tadashi's warm skin pressed against his, and he was gratified to feel the other man thickening against his thigh.

"You'll stop me… if you don't like it, right?" he asked, and Tadashi sighed softly against his lips.

"I always enjoy your love, Ainosuke."

Ainosuke wasn't sure if Tadashi was repeatedly calling his name on purpose, but that was helping, too. They were the ones with each other right now, nobody else, and he groaned when Tadashi ground against him, wordlessly urging him on. Sliding his hands lower, Ainosuke settled them around Tadashi's hips, raising them up so he could press himself between the other man's legs, which wrapped around him to tug him closer.

With more care than usual, Ainosuke pressed into the tight warmth, all of his senses fixed on Tadashi for any sign of discomfort or hesitation. However, the older man didn't seem to be responding any differently than he usually did, biting his lower lip while rolling his hips up to meet Ainosuke. Gradually, Ainosuke picked up the pace, his thrusts growing longer and deeper until Tadashi's mouth dropped open, and Ainosuke sealed it again with his own, drinking in the other man's moans as his hands draped over the back of his neck.

"Ai," he breathed, his breath starting to come in pants as he writhed beneath him. "Ainosuke. More. Mark me. Make me yours."

He tilted his head back slightly, exposing the delicate curve of his neck, and Ainosuke's face lowered to the junction of his shoulder, worrying the skin with his teeth and tongue. His mouth continued to roam as he humped into Tadashi, leaving hickeys and bite marks in its wake while Tadashi moaned his name again. This was safe and familiar, and as it became easier to move, Ainosuke fucked Tadashi even harder, as if trying to pound his feelings into the other man. And Tadashi accepted it eagerly, clinging to Ainosuke and begging for more. But it wasn't like in the garden: here, Tadashi's eyes shone and his cheeks were flushed, and there was a breathy whine in his voice that spurred Ainosuke on. His own pleasure was growing, pooling in the pit of his stomach.

"'dashi," he whispered, his own breath coming in short gasps, and shining, emerald eyes stared up at him.

"Ainosuke," he whispered back, and then Ainosuke was coming with a long, drawn-out cry. He could hear Tadashi moaning, too, as he tightened around Ainosuke, and his arms reached down to wrap around Tadashi, binding them together as Tadashi spurted between them. His come was hot and sticky against Ainosuke's chest, but it felt good, and Ainosuke rolled over so that Tadashi could lay on top of him, his weight heavy and comforting as they both fought to catch their breath.

As their breathing slowed, Tadashi began to squirm, and Ainosuke reached up to brush his hair back from his face, his expression soft.

"Can you rest now? Or do you need more?" he asked quietly. He felt sated himself, but he could always go another round if Tadashi was still keyed up. But Tadashi shook his head, leaning down to kiss Ainosuke, and Ainosuke accepted it, letting the other man lead and take what he wanted. They continued to lay together until the mess between them started to grow tacky and cool, and then Ainosuke groaned, pressing another kiss to the top of Tadashi's head.

"Let's clean up, then," he suggested. "Join me in the shower?"

He would've preferred a bath, himself, but his soaks always took a while. It was more important to get Tadashi back in bed and comfortable, where he could rest and Ainosuke would know exactly where he was. But he felt Tadashi tense, and he frowned slightly as he looked at the other man, a question in his eyes.

"If that's what you want," Tadashi replied, and Ainosuke's frown deepened.

"What do you want?"

Tadashi had never bathed with him before, but… was the shower one of the places that he had been with his father? The thought made Ainosuke's jaw clench slightly while Tadashi continued to hesitate. When no answer seemed to be coming, Ainosuke tried to force himself to relax as he continued, "It's okay. You can go first, and—"

"No."

Tadashi's objection was easy enough to understand, at least, and Ainosuke sighed. The other man's devotion to his job was admirable, but he ought to take care of himself sometimes, too.

"It's just a quick shower. I'll go right after you're done."

"But… I do want to shower with you. If it's okay."

Startled, Ainosuke looked up at Tadashi, whose cheeks had turned a little pink.

"It just… didn't seem appropriate," he added, still hesitant. But Ainosuke was beaming as he reached up to wrap his arms around Tadashi's shoulders so he could pull himself up to exchange another kiss. Tadashi so rarely voiced his own desires, but he was getting better at it.

"Come on, then."

Tadashi nodded, getting up and carefully starting to gather their discarded clothes, straightening them up while Ainosuke sat on the edge of the bed, watching. And when he was finally done, both of them headed to the bathroom together.

[its-tea-time-darling]

There's an Americanisation of food, and culture, an import of social justice issues as the American understanding of things is superimposed over our own history by kids who mean well but have learned all their vocabulary from Americans.

from @/captaindibbzy‘s addition

this though. (emphasis mine)

it’s so crucial social movements can find words and roots in our own local histories. that young activists can learn about the battles those before them led for their rights!

if anyone is curious abt swiss feminist and gay rights movements i recommend 2 movies:

Die göttliche Ordnung (Engl. : the divine order) — about women’s suffrage in switzerland (that was introduced in 1971(😭😭😭!!!!!!!) my mom was a kid then. my grandma nearly 40.)

Der Kreis (Engl. The circle)

about the swiss gay organization the circle throughout the 50ies and 60ies.

i became a feminist via The Internet, and let me tell you when the first feminist strike wave in switzerland happened in 2019 i was crying so often bc i was moved so monumentally by how it felt to see issues adressed here, where i grew up, where my family and friends live, in my language — and the languages of immigrants that i grew up hearing and hear on the streets —, adressing issues specific to our country.

this whole post is btw also why i practically never reblog any posts abt american politics. bc yeah i agree w the assessment of many things being super duper fucked up and i hope you guys find the energy to make it better but idk, me, a european blogging about it does nothing but take up my brain space for politics and social issues that i want to use on my country, where i can actually make a difference.

i don’t use tumblr to talk about political issues bc this is not the place where swiss politics are negotiated and touched upon. and i want to use my energy on politics and activism where they can make a difference.

(also on a small cutsey fandom note, i‘ll be releasing a bingo focused on uplifting and celebrating different languages and cultures in the maze runner fandom sometime next week, you can follow @tmr-cultures to get a ping when i do.) (and very much also in the spirit of this post: us americans are welcome to participate in the bingo! it could be used as an opportunity to delve into local accents and folklore, state or subculture specific customs in a way people might not normally feel invited to do.)

DO NOT LET SOCIAL MEDIA TURN YOU INTO AN AMERICAN

[friends-to-lovers-tournament]

Friends to Lovers Tournament: Round 2, Side A, Match 4

propaganda under the cut!

Fuyupoly:

Submission 1:

they're from the winter troupe of the mankai company, and unlike the other troupes they're all adults. that said, they all have varying degrees of trauma and emotional stuntedness. it takes them some time to fully open up to each other bc they're all very cautious of each other's boundaries and don't want to cross any lines which initially led to some issues in the group's formation. over time they've learned to bridge the gap while still being mindful of hard boundaries. at one point they have a discussion about what exactly their relationship is (gay) cuz they were talking about how the other troupes have clearly defined dynamics (spring=family, summer=besties, autumn=rivals & teammates) but they don't,, and homare deadass says they're "people bound by a common destiny" which in and of itself sounds very Gay (like why are you as a man bound to other men by a common destiny), but it goes even further because homare starts spouting WEDDING VOWS: "In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, we shall share our laughter and our tears as those with an intertwined fate... How beautiful we are!" THIS IS A DIRECT QUOTE FROM THE GAME AND THE MC EVEN REMARKS "i can already hear wedding bells in the distance..." 

gradually they become closer, in individual sub-units based on who's paired up as co-leads for a play, and as a troupe overall. also two of its members are childhood friends who had a messy 'divorce' in their young adulthood and it took the game breaking its genre to introduce a timeloop for them to finally make up if that means anything to you. one of their troupe songs "precious to us ~bokura no kisetsu" has some pretty beautiful and fruity lines: "The many kindnesses born in me here / Never fail to breathe life into my chest / Even all the pain and bitterness / Have now become dear to me (Ah…Stay with me)", "No matter how many times our season passes / Let us keep living together / Holding our hands, without ever letting go / Let us open up the curtain of tomorrow", "There is no need for words, because once our gazes meet / Joy sparks a light in your eyes", "Our journey, may it be a brilliant one / As our breaths overlap as one"

a lot of their plays has a LOT of homoerotic tension between the two leads too. their first play has tsumugi and tasuku play angels, and it's heavily implied that tasuku's character has an unrequited crush on tsumugi's character. their third play has azuma play a vampire and tasuku play Just Some Guy and it's generally agreed in the fandom to be one of the gayest, if not THE gayest, play A3 has ever written. obviously the vampire thing is very fruity, but there's also how the vampire was longing to bite the human but was holding himself back, and when the vampire left the human in the end, the human was absolutely HEARTBROKEN over it and was swearing they would reunite one day. the stage play of this takes it even further by having the vampire embrace the human from behind and BITE his neck. the fourth play is a watered-down adaptation of Phantom of the Opera where they genderbend Christine into Chris among other things and change the relationship between Chris and the Phantom to one of friendship.... ostensibly so, because there's still a lot of homoerotic undertones in their interactions. i could go on but this should be enough of a sampling taste 

Submission 2:

the writers rlly said "let's take 2 normal guys who are childhood friends and have been into theatre since their school days and have them go through a pre-canon messy divorce, an eccentric poet with a potentially controversial haircut, an amnesiac sleepyhead who can only be awoken with marshmallows but is also somehow extremely athletic despite doing nothing but sleeping and eating marshmallows all day, a man who is so beautiful and mysterious he breaks gender, and a supposed android from a fictional south asian country, and throw them into a blender, oh and for good measure let's throw in some theatre and angst and gay and angst and gay" and the end result was marriage. i mean it took them a lot of awkward fumbling around and conflicts to get there but they got there and thats what matters. ok *technically* in-text they're all rlly good friends and kinda found family BUT they are found family via marriage papers i do not make the rules chief

Submission 3:

The reason why they are so friends-to-lovers to me is because their relationship is founded on quiet and unconditional acceptance of each other—regardless of how flawed they may be or how heavy their burdens and trauma may be. When the troupe first formed (sans Guy who was in another country at the time), they didn’t have any major clashing personalities at the very beginning and generally they were mindful of each other’s boundaries, unlike the other troupes that came before them. However, it’s BECAUSE they were too mindful of said boundaries that it was difficult for them to break down their walls and bond as a team—and there were a LOT of walls to break down, as all of them had varying degrees of emotional baggage and trauma.

In fact, it’s only three plays in that they finally truly start opening up to each other, with Azuma getting the ball rolling by opening up about the deep loneliness that haunted him ever since his childhood. It’s during this conversation that they also discuss what their relationship as a troupe is, because the other troupes have defined their relationship as a team (Spring is family, Summer is best friends, Autumn is rivals & teammates), and Homare goes on to declare that they’re “people bound by a common destiny” and goes on to spew wedding vows: "In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, we shall share our laughter and our tears as those with an intertwined fate... How beautiful we are!" I mean… it can’t get any more obvious than this, really. They are married.

But anyway, Tsumugi says he wants their relationship to be one where while they respect each other’s need for space, they’ll also be there for each other and share their pains and burdens—or in his words: “supporting each other when our burdens become too heavy to bear on our own”—which I think is really sweet because it carries this idea of quiet, unconditional acceptance; they don’t push each other to share more than they’re comfortable with sharing, but with whatever they ARE comfortable with sharing everyone carries the load and pain because pain is easier to bear when you’re not bearing it alone <3 

A later part of the story focuses on Hisoka, a mysterious amnesiac, being terrified of regaining his memories and facing some “sin” from his past that has led to another character, Chikage, trying to take revenge on him. When he confesses this to the rest of the Winter troupe, Homare asks, “How heavy is this sin you bear?” and Azuma suggests, “Perhaps it’s just heavy enough for the five of us to carry together.” (at this point Guy hasn’t joined yet). The stage play adapts this scene into a song called Key to Memory. The key (pun unintended) part is 1:27 where there’s a back-and-forth between Hisoka and the other Winter troupe members (sans Tasuku because he wasn’t in that particular play)

Hisoka: “I’m scared…”

Tsumugi, Homare, Azuma: “It’s okay.”

Hisoka: “My unforgivable sin…”

Tsumugi, Homare, Azuma: “Let’s carry it together.”

Hisoka: “I might not be me anymore.”

Tsumugi, Homare, Azuma: “It’s all right. We understand and we accept you, so let’s go together.”

And it ends with Hisoka singing: “I was afraid to open the door of my locked memories. But if everyone is here, I believe I can do it.”  In both the game and stage play, Hisoka fully regains his memories and reconciles with Chikage (long story). He tells Fuyupoly he can’t go into detail about his past with Chikage because it’s dangerous but he’ll tell them when the time is right, and they accept this saying that no matter what his past is, they know and love him as their Hisoka which obviously is a very sweet thing for friends to say, but it’s also very Marriage-coded to me.

Later, Guy is introduced as an android from Zahra (a fictional South Asian country) and joins the Winter troupe as a temporary member—because he’s stuck in Japan for the foreseeable future—until they find a permanent member to replace him. The other Winter members have a conversation among themselves and agree that regardless of whether he’s really an android or a human they’ll accept Guy for who he is and help him improve his acting, which again harkens back to the idea of ‘unconditional acceptance’. Eventually it’s revealed that Guy is in fact a human who has forgotten his memories of the past and his emotions. He recovers his memories all at once which shocks his system and causes him to pass out. When he wakes up in his room, he finds the rest of the Winter Troupe asleep around the room—which I believe is symbolic of their whole theme of “quiet acceptance”: they don’t want to push Guy to share beyond what he’s comfortable with, but they’re always there to listen to him and share his load if that’s what he wants. He opens up about the memories he recovered, and they don’t treat him with pity like he’s a lost child, but still extend gentle empathy and understanding. They also emphasise that it genuinely doesn’t matter to them whether he’s human or android because he’s Guy first and foremost. It’s at this point that Guy truly lets himself become part of the Winter troupe/Fuyupoly and not just as a temporary stand-in member, because he’s found a place where he’s found himself again and people who will accept who this “himself” is, whether that be an android devoid of emotions or a human brimming with vivid beautiful emotions.[Mod note: There’s a LOT more but we’re afraid of crashing the post. I (Deli) summarised it the best I can since I’m familiar with A3, but if you want to read the full thing you can check it out on this google doc)

Sourin:

okay so i have a picture to crack explain the sourin supremacy

but i also have legitimate reasons lmao

1. sousuke and rin both GET what it's like to want something so bad but not be able to achieve it. they know each other's pain so well, and they know just how much effort the other person puts into swimming. AND THAT MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING STRENGTHENS THEIR BOND SO MUCH!!! this is also the reason why they are each others' comfort person because the other just GETS it, no need for any explanations

2. they're passionate as fuck about the same thing (swimming) and they help each other train harder and swim better,,, like get you a couple with the same obsessions as you!!!

3. THEY SWAM A RELAY TOGETHER and that means a lot in swimming because IT'S BASICALLY SMTH A TEAM DOES WHEN THEY HAVE ABSOLUTE TRUST IN EACH OTHER AND THEY DEPEND ON EACH OTHER AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND IT'S BASICALLY THE SWIMMING ANIME EQUIVALENT OF I LOVE YOU

4. when sousuke told rin about the shoulder injury he was literally so devastated because his love couldn't follow his passions anymore,, AND WHEN SOUSUKE RECOVERED FROM THE SURGERY RIN LEGIT CRIED HAPPY TEARS!!! and sousuke was always there for rin w/e he had a slump bc he compared himself too much to haru and others,,, like gods they care so much for each other

5. sousuke is the earth and rin is the fire,,, AND RIN LIGHTS A FIRE IN SOUSUKE WHILE SOUSUKE GROUNDS RIN LIKE PLEASE THE MOTIFS ARE LITERALLY RIGHT THERE EVEN IN THEIR COLOUR SCHEMES (teal + maroon) 

in short: sourin supremacy because these two bois are so perfect for each other"

[lazzarella]

It's now been six months since I started my journey into Asian BL series*, and there's nothing I like more than making lists and procrastinating (with a dash of navel gazing), so I'm here to ramble a bit haha (okay this got really long 😅)

*I did realise later that I had watched the movie cut of Wish You some time back, but I'm not counting it :P

I posted an overall top 10 when I hit 40, I think, but here's my updated version:

1. My Personal Weatherman and Moonlight Chicken tied for first place :P

2. KinnPorsche

3. Cherry Magic (Thailand)

4. Wandee Goodday

5. Boys Be Brave!

6. Old Fashion Cupcake

7. A Tale Of Thousand Stars

8. Cherry Magic (Japan)

9. We Are

10. Only Friends and Jack O' Frost tied for 10th place because I can't decide

Now for the navel gazing:

So, I had heard of some of these shows for a while, but I was dumb and couldn't figure out how to watch them XD then, someone on Reddit asked for recs for gay period dramas, and another person recommended I Feel You Linger in the Air to them (I still haven't finished this) and that sent me down a rabbit hole, which eventually led to me watching Moonlight Chicken at the end of January. I was super anxious and depressed at the time (compared to my usual levels of depression and anxiety) and it was exactly the balm I needed! And then I proceeded to watch 49 more shows in the following six months lmao

Also, as much as I sometimes love a sad love story, I was getting frustrated that so many queer romance movies were ending with the main couple apart—maybe everyone wants to make their own version of Weekend, I don’t know haha (Sidenote: I swear there were more HEA in 90s/00s queer films but maybe that was selection bias) Like, don't get me wrong, they're basically all made by queer creators, and I don't want to police what they make (I have a whole rant about this, but I'll save it for another day...or my drafts lol) But as a rom-com lover I was getting bored of watching the same 10 movies/shows over and over for my HEA lmao so, delving into Asian BL series where the majority seem to have happy endings??? Omg, it's been HEAVEN!

As far as adjusting, there wasn't really much to do. I only note this, because a few people I've chatted to elsewhere seemed to treat it like I was delving into completely new territory or something??

Anything that isn't just your standard rom-com or romance trope, I was probably familiar with due to many years in transformative fandom. And the things I wasn't familiar with were mostly cultural things (which I'm still learning about) or different stylistic choices (like the sound effects, which I love). The fandom culture, though, has been a little more of an adjustment, especially the fan service and fixed couples (I think this is a super cute idea, tbh—it feels like watching the gay Fred and Ginger or Myrna Loy and William Powell et al, you know? By the by, Loy and Powell made 13 films together!)

I think overall I'm more drawn to Thai series, but the Japanese ones, when they hit emotionally, they hit like nothing else. Like nothing I've ever watched really. I think it's the way they do longing and yearning combined with feelings of low self worth that's just sooooooo good and delicious to me. But, yeah, there's something about the Thai series that I'm really drawn to! I've started watching more Thai movies in general and listening to Thai music and, I don't know, I enjoy it all. I still need to delve into Taiwan and other countries, though

I've had so much fun with the series I've watched and learning little bits of different cultures and I'm excited to keep going and make my way through my intimidatingly long watchlist lol It's been hard not to let other people's opinions get me down, though—I've felt less embarrassed about enjoying rom coms on Letterboxd than I have since poking my head into BL spaces, but... I don't think I'll dwell on that XD

Anyway, here are all of the series I've watched ranked by country under the cut(an idea I borrowed from @/dramalets)

Thailand (average rating: 8.4)

1. Moonlight Chicken

2. KinnPorsche

3. Cherry Magic

4. Wandee Goodday

5. A Tale of Thousand Stars

6. Only Friends

7. We Are

8. Cupid's Last Wish

9. Manner of Death

10. Laws of Attraction

11. Vice Versa

12. Last Twilight

13. Enchanté

14. A Boss and a Babe

15. Lovely Writer

16. The Sign

17. Hidden Agenda

18. Bad Buddy

19. Not Me

20. Theory of Love

21. To Be Continued

22. Sky In Your Heart

Japan (average rating: 8.2)

(Using the English titles)

1. My Personal Weatherman

2. Old Fashion Cupcake

3. What Did You Eat Yesterday?

4. Jack O' Frost

5. Cherry Magic etc

6. My Beautiful Man

7. Love is Better the Second Time Around

8. Ossan's Love

9. Perfect Propose

10. My Love Mix-Up

11. Candy Color Paradox

12. I Cannot Reach You

13. Mr Unlucky Has No Choice But to Kiss

South Korea (average rating: 7.6)

1. Boys Be Brave

2. Blueming

3. Semantic Error

4. Love for Love's Sake

5. Choco Milk Shake

6. The New Employee

7. Love Tractor

8. Our Dating Sim

9. Bon Appetit

10. Roommates of Poongduck 304

11. The Director Who Buys Me Dinner

12. Love Class

13. Cherry Blossoms After Winter

14. Kissable Lips

And I'm currently watching:

Love Sea; Meet You at the Blossom; Only Boo!; The Trainee; This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans