#fireball the horse

[elvesandlanterns]

Kon’s Interlude - Ghost Helpline

Warning: depictions of war, meat eating and throwing up

Konstelacio tries to leave the Watchtower as soon as she entered it. She tried. Two hours later she leaves and erases the summoning circle behind her. She hopes they never call her again as she teleports home.

She has enough energy to teleport it’s fine.

She lands on her ass and stares at the pink carpet. Ugh. Everything in her corner of the house was too fucking bright right now.

“Hello!!! I’m back!!!! … Guys? … Dad?”

Throb. throb. throb.

Bile burned its way up her throat.

Was this it ? Did they leave me? Did Uncle Dan tell them how she’d managed to fuck up without even trying?

“Bbblluubbb???”

Oh a blob ghost.

Right a blob ghost, “Hahaah I’m an idiot of course daddy wouldn’t leave me.” They wouldn’t leave me. At least not Dad and that was enough. It had to be enough.

“Bbbllubbb. Bbb. B. Blurrrb.”

“Haha right! Thanks for sending me the message! Tell dad I love him and can’t wait to see him! And Billy if Billy’s back by now make sure to give him a big soggy hug for me okay!”

“Bbblubb!!” The little slimy looking ball swished its head to hers in what was most likely meant to be a love tap but ended up little more that the creature splaying itself entirely onto her forehead. It left, Violet felt lonely.

Lonely and dumb. How could she forget her family was moving into their new house today?

It explained where everyone was, the empty fridge and missing items. Right, Dad needed this move. He needed, well Violet wasn’t sure what he needed exactly but Dandy said he did. And Violet trusted Dandy. She trusted him with this at least. It was enough.

She smelled something rotting in her nose.

It was enough.

It was enough.

It was enough.

She walked back to her room and looked around. Nobody had packed her things. Her throat burned. She’d fill a bag tomorrow and figure it out.

She laid down in her bed in her room of her dads house.

// “This is mine? Really mine? It’s too pretty. What if I break it?”

“It’s yours, it’s okay. If it breaks I’ll buy you a new one baby I am rich remember?”

“This room is mine too?”

“Yes of course.”

“What it I break it to? What if I break it on purpose.”

“I’m giving it to you, no strings attached. If breaking everything in your room makes you happy then do it. I won’t be mad, because it’s yours okay?”

“Are you mine too then, Dad? You’re mine?”

“Yes”

“What if I break you to?”

“I’ll heal.” //

Konstelacio’s breathing slowed, eyes drooping. It was more than she had ever had before. I was more than she deserved. She smiled cuddled up to her mountain of stuffed animals. It was enough.

—- —- —-

Konner, Conner, Kon-El, Superboy, clone, Kon, clone, Konny, clone, clone boy, it.

So yeah Konner got it. Kon (ha!) stelacio had a write to be upset at Constantine for calling her something she didn’t like. She had apparently asked him not to and he had. Apart of Conner hoped Constantine got cursed. That guy was an asshole.

He gets the snapping defeat of her name, the anger. Conner knew anger well. Something about her made his insides twist. Something in her voice screaming, help me help me something is wrong. He shakes his head and decides to tell Black Canary about it at therapy.

It took a lot of time, and a lot of therapy for Conner to feel okay with himself. With his looks, his voice. Being a clone left him with a lot of self doubt about everything. Where did Superman end and Conner start?

Superboy thought back on the bargaining the league had done over the cure for Vampires Fog and couldn’t help but laugh. Well it was nice to know he at least had a soul in which to barter with now.

Conner gave himself a once over in the mirror before floating out the door. Time for a date with Tim.

—- —- —-

// War was surprisingly boring. When not fighting for their lives all war mounted up to was waiting. Waiting for the next battle, waiting for a chance to wash your bloody clothes, waiting for new orders, waiting for food, waiting for resources, waiting, waiting, waiting. War was boring.

General Dan was angry today. They didn’t have food … again. Violet wasn’t allowed to go hunting and Klarion had decided to stay with her. The mix species battalion had decimated the surrounding area for food a week ago.

Klarion was use to emotional hunger, the physical ache in his stomach rendering the talkative sprite speechless.

Billy was use to physical hunger just fine, telling them stories of Faucet cities kind people with a smile but something about the lack of food had begun to make him twitchy.

Violet was use to both kinds of hunger, so it didn’t matter.

“Billy’s back!!! Violet get up! Look he brought food!”

“There you guys are! Here eat up!”

The trio sat down near their tent. It’s natural for demons to eat meet uncooked, Violet had told Billy multiple times. She didn’t want to be a bother. Half the meat was burnt, no bones and definitely no blood.

Violet ate three bowls anyway. The meat was vividly red enough to play off as blood. It was chewy and sweet and charred in a way the stuck to the back of her throat. It smelled weird and familiar. Then again all burning flesh smelled familiar.Pieces of it kept getting stuck in the back of her throat. Meat wasn’t usually sweet like this. It was juicy, the demons mouth watered as she wondered.

How did they get this? She almost couldn’t believe they had found more game in the woods. It was sweet, Violet knew a type of sweet meat. Sweet blood. Were…. Were they eating a vampire?

Klarion finish off one before looking out into the forest and grimacing.

“Billy Billy you need to eat to!!! You’re a human you need to eat.”

“Of course Vi I am don’t worry. It’s delicious! Some of my best cooking yet. Mmm yum it’s great.”

Right they couldn’t be eating a vampire, humans can’t do that. Whatever Klarion was probably couldn’t eat vampires ether.

Klarion followed Billy’s lead “Yumming and oooing” until the little demonling finished off two more bowls.

Billy stood up to wash the bowls. The air shifted allowing the girl to get a good wiff of the blood on humans pants.

“Horse blood? Are the horses okay? What happened?”

The trio had grown close to their steeds, gifts of their political party, riding them gave the kids an illusion of freedom. Combing, feeding and playing with them had helped the days go faster.

Violet got up and began to look - really look around the campsite. “Billy? Billy? Where’s Fireball? You took him with you hunting right were is he?”

A look crossed both of the boys faces, Klarion downed his tea like it was alcohol. Maybe it was.

“General Dan is bringing the horses back in few hours Vi Vi don’t worry about it.”

True to his word, General brought the horses back and Violet understood were all of the bones must have went.

Everything tasted like ash until the war was over.//

Violet woke up puking.

She wanted her dad, her dad was in Gotham.

She teleported.

[justaz]

s1ep13 merlin, believing he will be dead by morning, goes to say goodbye to arthur and he leans against the door of arthur’s chambers and watches the glow of the fire light his skin golden, full of color and life that it had been sorely lacking while the prince was injured. he stares at the softness of arthur’s features and pressed the line of his profile into memory for while he passes he will wish for nothing more than to see arthur one last time, his smile and blue eyes one last comfort before he passes on to the otherworld. arthur turns to stare at him and frowns at whatever expression merlin is making. the prince kicks a weak foot out at the chair next to him and motions for merlin to join him. merlin slowly shuffles over but ignores the chair completely. he stops in front of arthur who watches him with wary confusion. the tug of his lips and the furrow of his brow sickeningly endearing and merlin allows himself to be selfish and leans down to press his lips to arthur’s.

the prince is sat frozen under merlin’s touch but he can’t find himself to care much about that, not when he finally knows what it feels like to kiss arthur. he hopes that will be his last sensation before the ever consuming nothing, he hopes he will close his eyes one last time only to find arthur grinning at him and calling him an idiot before leading him into paradise where he can watch arthur smile, hear him laugh, and feel his touch for all eternity. he pulls away and leaves before arthur can gather himself to form a response, dropping the letter explaining everything on the table as he passes. so he allows himself to be selfish twice - to take from arthur and to give, to let himself know what is feels to kiss the man, to embrace his feelings for him, and to have the man know him for who he truly is. he wishes to pass peacefully with no regrets. somehow that revolves entirely around arthur.

only…he survives the whole ordeal and yeah has a gnarly scar on his chest but is otherwise fit to return to his duties. which include taking care of the prince. of arthur. who he kissed. and who most definitely know about his magic by now. yeesh.

[evilhorse]

Quickly, he converts the matter in his body into a radiating atomic fireball…

(Doctor Solar, Man of the Atom #9)

[exhabigou]

anyway, on more important news, cliff just won his first beginner race!

[uselessgaywhovian]

half the time I hear a Carter Vail song, it makes me think of very dumb D&D ideas

[jorvikzelda]

i have this great temptation to go buy dice… (i absolutely do not need more dice i already have 4 full sets…) someone please stop me

[realandrewhussie]

I do not like you very much

That’s fine, random internet stranger. I don’t need to be liked. I just have to spread my gospel of davekat sucking, Vriska being best girl, and Rosemary being canon. Check out this horse.

[cryptic-klepto]

Imagine being able to have a job in New York while living in Mass, or vice versa. Imagining the arguments that would arise between Socks and Yankies fans fighting over whether New York City is a suburb of Boston or Boston is a suburb of New York City. Place your takes in the tags.

[foone]

Given how wizards are themed around higher education, with their universities and ivory towers, I wanna see more fiction that goes into their published papers.

Like, there should be massive drama in the Wizarding world about how Fantasy Wikipedia says "There's no consensus about the origins of skydoves" when in fact, there very much is, everyone knows they were created in the first or second dragon wars, and that's uncontroversial. One single wizard at the University of Towers who thinks they're an offshoot of mermaids DOES NOT MEAN IT'S AN OPEN ISSUE.

Papers that are rebuttals to other magical discoveries. Like, look, that spell just won't work, and you can't call it a "theoretical exercise" just to cover up the fact that you've not been able to cast it. You can't combine Ichthyomancy with completely unrelated elemental summonings, that's just not how magic works, in all due respect.

Thesis defense would be significantly scarier when all your reviewers can cast Everburning Fireball on your ass.

Learning Theoretical Evocation from a hungover lizardman TA at 8am, because the professor for this course has been off on the Elemental Plane of Circles for half the semester trying to finish her paper on how Centaurs predate horses rather than the other way around.

Speaking of which, the life of a wizard graduate student... You keep getting called to go on "quests" which are just overgrown research expeditions to help out some professor's project. You spent nearly a month in that damp castle capturing all the spinfrogs you could find, all to help your professor's project on the possibilities of concentrated soul essences. To this day, you still get dizzy whenever you see battlements, let alone a donjon.

[bestedoesmeow]

toto wolff & y/nhorner

inspired by

𓇼˚₊‧꒰ა 🫧 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚𓇼

third story for the two

tw: slight smut mentioned!

"I am telling you, Horner is going to be here in ten," Toto says. "Your father somehow manages to sense whenever I am around you."

It is from those Saturdays when your father and mother leave for the countryside to spend some alone time together, hiking and horse riding.

You smile at his words before allowing him to lay your body on the freshly changed bed sheets of your childhood room—the room you are still supposed to stay in whenever you come home from college.

"It's almost impossible, Torger. Trust me, they won't be here until tomorrow morning," you say faintly before raising your head from the pillow to intertwine your lips with his. He stops talking immediately, as if there's no time for you two to lose, not even a second. His tongue enters your mouth slowly as you thrust your hips against his expensive jeans, and the friction makes him even more desperate to feel you, not from your clothes but without them.

You let out a hiss when he starts to move his hands slowly towards your inner thighs from your leggings. The solid sounds he makes near your ear while touching you from your leggings are enough for you to lose your mind, your whole being. One of his big hands moves behind your back while you are no longer hiding your loud hisses and sounds.

"Sie sind sehr schön," he says as he finally decides to take off your clothes. You just can't wait. His hands, hot minty breath between your earlobes, soft hair, solid hands moving on your back.

"Toto—" you say, only to hear an almost silent knock on the door and see your father entering your room with the most shocked expression you've ever seen in your life. You throw Toto to the left side of the bed before trying to cover yourself in sheets. Toto cups his face in his hands before starting to curse in German.

"What are you doing here? You were su—"

"You'll explain this whole situation at dinner. Wolff, come with me, and you wear something," Horner says. His eyes are flashing fireballs at you two before closing the door after him. Toto looks at you.

"He even beat my bedroom domination. Oh, for God's sake."

You take a deep breath before wearing your leggings with the wet feeling between your panties.

"We'll continue, right?"

"Obviously not here, sweetheart. I'll call you, okay? Now, I need to leave," he says before reaching to leave a peck on your lips.

"Okay."

[deadtired-highkeyenergetic]

A Quiet Love

Sorry for the lack of updates. Been very busy with schoolwork and fell sick today. Still, here's my latest need to cuddle with Astarion.

Oh I also went to Anime Impulse at Seattle and gosh that was fun. Bought an Astarion print and a standee to start my Astarion shrine in my cupboard, bought a wooden magnet carving of a rly cute egg sushi, bought some stuff for my friends back home too.

Summary: You have a nightmare and Astarion chases it away in his own way.

Ragged breaths tear through you as you run through the trees, clutching your bleeding side with one hand and wiping away your sweat with the other. You can hear the shouts of your pursuers, hear the thundering hooves of the horses some of them are riding, all of which spur your feet onwards in spite of the screams from your muscles.

Your head spins and you nearly fall over. You won’t last long in this chase, they will catch and torture you before executing you in front of the whole town, exactly as the oracle had predicted. Still, if that is your destiny, you’re not about to just roll over and let them have you. If they want you, they are going to have to work for it.

You stumble in a zigzag pattern, darting in and out of your pursuers’ sight and hear their hollers of frustration, causing you to grin. Your pursuers are terrible at their job if they can’t even catch a wounded target. You nearly laugh out loud, stopped only by the blood that bubbles up your throat when you try.

Even so, they inevitably catch up to you. With how your vision keeps giving way, there is no other outcome, but you continue to be defiant, resisting their capture even as the black spots worm their way in.

“Come on, scared of injured prey?” You cough, sending a bloody grin their way. Your pursuers move closer, encircling you but they maintain their distance, much to your amusement. You can feel your lifeblood leaving your body, you won’t last much longer and yet they’re still so afraid of you.

Your fingers curl, ready to fight as hard as you can before they take you when a fireball incinerates half the pursuers, leaving nothing but blackened ash. A war cry follows suit, revealing a tiefling with one horn and a githyanki warrior charging into the fray swinging their weapons which takes out most of the remaining pursuers.

Your gaze flicks about the battlefield, looking for a particular pale elf but you don’t see him amidst the chaos of it all. One of your remaining pursuers, however, spots you and moves in from behind, gladius primed to strike but a dagger plunges into his neck before he gets the chance.

“You really need to watch your back more, my love. I can’t watch it for you forever.”

Your eyes light up when you see who it is, the urge to run over and jump into his arms tugging at your heart but all you can manage is a hasty stumble in his direction, a silent yelp leaving your lips as gravity pulls your body downwards, straight at the ground.

“Falling for me again?” A pair of cold arms wrap themselves around you, stopping your descent. You heave a relieved sigh, closing your eyes as you lean into the cooling embrace of your vampire lover, feeling your body give out without an adrenaline high to sustain it anymore.

“I will always fall for you,” you murmur tiredly. You feel your body sag against his, feel his panic as he realises you’re bleeding out all over the ground. His voice rises a pitch, sharp fingernails digging ever so slightly into your flesh and you want to comfort him, reassure him that you’re not going anywhere but your muscles refuse to move and you can’t do anything about it.

“Darling, stay with me. As tasty as you look leaking blood, you’re leaking too much blood.” He holds you close, trying to staunch the bleeding with one hand while the other haphazardly rummages through the bag for a healing potion.

“Too…much…? I thought…you’d…appreciate it…” You’re getting dizzier and dizzier, with more of your vision fading to black. His red eyes pierce the veil that’s being drawn over your eyes, willing you to stay awake but the pull of the void is too strong, you can’t hold on anymore.

“Well, you see love…love? Love!”

And the world turns black.

You wake up with a start, chest heaving and sweat running down your back.

A nightmare. A rather vivid one at that.

You pinch the bridge of your nose, willing your thundering heart to calm down before it can wake the trancing vampire next to you but his movements suggest that he has already woken up.

“Nightmare?” He murmurs quietly, his tone a far cry from his usual way of speaking.

“Hrm,” you reply, blood pounding in your ears. The world refocuses, showing you the vampire who is gazing at you with such concern in his eyes, his eyebrows creased in worry.

“I’m alright, Star. Just need to…get a breath of fresh air,” you wave him off. “Sorry for interrupting your trance.”

“I was about to head off for a hunt.” He pauses for a moment. “Would you like to come along, my dear?”

“That…sounds nice.” You rub your eyes, feeling his hand brush against yours. Giving his hand a squeeze, you push yourself up, wiping the night’s terrors away and step out into the cool fresh air, taking a deep breath. You hear him stop just behind you, his shoulder brushing against yours and you take his hand once more.

“I just need you,” you whisper, the words meant only for his ears. He nods, pressing closer to you and swallows the honeyed words that almost fall from his lips out of habit. What you need now is him, not the words his tongue can form, not the services he can provide.

You just need him.

It’s not something anyone else can provide, it’s something unique to him and something he’s comfortable with providing. If all you want is for him to sit by your side, he will happily do just that.

Astarion lets you lead the way, sitting on the steps next to you with a clear view of the city. He wants to know what your nightmare was about so that he can reassure you better, but watching you take in the city’s night lights with quiet awe, he decides that dredging up the past can wait and patiently sits next to you, exactly like he promised. He takes your hand, relishing in the way your fingers automatically curl around his hand.

“I’m right here, my love.” he says for no other reason than he wants to say it. You nod, squeezing his hand before resting your head on his shoulder, letting out a deep breath.

“Thank you,” you whisper. The quiet night beckons the words from your lips, the words you have yet to say to him and mean it with all your heart. You feel him slip an arm around your waist, pulling you closer and feel his lips ghost over your hair.

“I love you.”

[mitchipedia]

Reddit is speedrunning enshittification.

Hypothesis: The owners of the company are no longer interested in keeping the business going, and are just trying to maximize financial return by selling off every possible asset.

In Reddit’s case, the upcoming IPO isn’t the beginning of a new chapter in the business. It’s the end of the business.

The most financially valuable part of Reddit is its fat corpus of content, built by volunteers over many years, suddenly made valuable for training AI. Now, Reddit’s corporate owners want to sell access to that corpus. That is Reddit’s new business. It’s not a long-term business, because the corpus will decay in value over time. But it’s enough for the owners to cash out.

I’m inspired in this thinking by yesterday’s edition of Rusty Foster’s “Today in Tabs.”. I don’t think he’s making this exact point, but he’s putting all the dots down, without necessarily connecting them.

John Gruber at Daring Fireball notes that OpenAI already scooped up Reddit’s corpus of data when the APIs were free. The data has no value anymore.

Reddit already gave all its data to large companies for free. Huffman is trying to charge now for horses that were let out of the barn years ago. And he obviously doesn’t care about Apollo or other third-party Reddit clients, or what these moves do to Reddit’s reputation as a platform vendor. He’s just trapped in a fantasy where investors are going to somehow see Reddit as a player in the current moment of AI hype.

Also, on Ryan Broderick’s Garbage Day: “Platforms Don’t Really Make Sense Anymore”:

We tolerated large platforms, that were never all that good to begin with, because they were convenient and useful and part of a larger interconnected network of tools and apps and systems that made the digital world safer and more dynamic. So you’d think, if they were actively deciding to stop being part of that larger system and no longer interested in making the internet, as a whole, function better, they would, at the very least, try and be more convenient! But instead we’ve ended up in a situation where all the local stores are gone, Main Street is deserted, and the large Walmarts on the edge of town are being set on fire and left to rot.

[tanoraqui]

I watched the new Percy Jackson show and then I reread The Lightning Thief, and my takeaway is…Rick Riordan did some sort of bizarre reversal of the usual adaptation devil’s deal on this one, wherein the key themes of the book are maintained—hell, key themes of the book are amped up and forefronted! The books slowly escalate, not just in the original PJO books but from series to series through Heroes of Olympus and the Apollo books, the idea that this mythological family is fucked up, the parents are doing badly and they need to fix their shit instead of just putting it on the kids. Whereas the show is saying this from day 1! The show also captures the true friendship, the uncomfortable justification of Luke’s choices, the heroes’ sense of otherness from humanity…

But at the cost of so much of the zing of the books? The humor, the absurdist snaps between fantasy and reality like the Minotaur wearing Fruit-of-the-Looms, or the unending quips from Percy that aren’t just rebellious snark, they’re funny. (“…I am the Mother of Monsters, Echidna!” “You mean the thing from Australia??”) And the drama, the fantasy, the mythological stakes—in addition to the total lack of nighttime lighting, I spent half the show thinking everything should be 20% more color-saturated, at least when they’re in Camp Half-Blood or actively fighting monsters, and rereading the book tells me that I was right. Throughout the books, there’s a mounting thunderstorm all across the country, as warning and ambiance of the coming war! Percy only has 1 dream that’s just darkness and a voice; the others include him watching a golden eagle and a giant white horse fighting viciously on a beach! And every god stands out vividly, whereas in the show they mostly come off as Some Guy. In the book, Hades, Zeus and Poseidon are all 10 feet tall (until Poseidon shrinks to tall to Percy), and even Ares is,

vs this? This was the best they could do??

He’s not even throwing fireballs at cops and innocent bystanders in order to make them back the fuck off from his fight with this 12yo. SMH. This is bargain-brand. It’s like they didn’t have the budget for special effects and they didn’t even try.

I guess, as devil’s deals go, I would rather have the themes intact. But damn I wish they’d at least upped the color saturation, and maybe the speed of dialogue. These kids SHOULD spend half their conversations snarking like it’s Avengers (2012) actually. The perfect adaptation remains elusive, until we get both the crushing weight of familial trauma AND epic heroes and villains being fun.

[curse-of-dming-strahd]

there are so many things in Strahd's "how to do combat good" section I want to pick at but let's start with some of my notes on his spell list

Mage Hand: Sometimes Strahd is lazy and doesn't want to pick things up. Combine with Greater Invisibility for shenanigans.

Prestidigitation: This is for instantly cleaning whatever drink some PC has tried to throw in his face.

Ray of Frost: The damage is ok but more importantly as long as he hits, the target's speed is reduced by 10 with no save, very nice.

Comprehend Languages: If my party gets clever and tries to talk in code or something I think he can pop this off to fix that.

Fog Cloud: Imposes disadvantage to attack for everyone in the cloud, does technically break line of sight. so against a higher-level party I think this is to give his allies a chance to get out of melee without having to waste an action disengaging (still a gamble), or use this if he's out of Invisibility, or toss this in a room the party is trying to bunker up in, forcing the party to decide between sitting in a disadvantage cloud, wasting time dispelling it, or leaving their safe space.

Sleep: On the worst possible roll and aimed at only one target, this is guaranteed to affect a creature with 5HP or less. It averages about 20-22HPs but that number's not assured. Best use is putting someone on watch to sleep at early levels, or targeting low HP NPCs where he actually wants to avoid doing damage, like Ireena.

Detect Thoughts: Fantastic for interacting with NPCs in a non-violent encounter but it's an obvious casting and only lasts for 1 minute so he's got to be strategic about casting ahead of time.

Gust of Wind: Priority should go to Mirror Image because Gust of Wind is not guaranteed to succeed, but if a player is dumb enough to stand within 10 feet of a 100ft drop I say go off queen (off the side of a building, GOODBYE)

Mirror Image: CAST ASAP the only thing worse than one Strahd laughing at you is four Strahds laughing at you and it's not a concentration spell.

Animate Dead: listen everything at 3rd level is going to have to compete with Fireball. but possibly might be worth it to give him something to do with his bonus action if Animate Objects isn't working out. skeleton with a ranged attack and partial cover is better than zombie that'll get ripped apart in melee immediately. he's got to keep that skelly within 60ft though. and if the party takes Counterspell it's.... listen this slot's probably going to get used for Fireball.

Fireball: FIGHT OPENER. CAST CENTERED ON SELF. EAT 30 DAMGE FOR BREAKFAST. FALL THROUGH THE FLOOR LAUGHING. HE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT WELCOME TO HELL MOTHERFUCKERS IT'S FIREBALL. but seriously cast early when the floor isn't crawling with allies and then reserve one 3rd level spell slot for when the party has killed off most of his allies. doesn't require line of sight so he can cast this from a separate floor.

Nondetection: Might use this if the party gets tricky or he needs to hide something he stole from them but on Boss Fight Day this slot goes to Fireball and that's just how things have to be.

Blight: I mean this is basically Fireball with worse range, only one target, and it makes all your houseplants die.

Greater Invisibility: God the shenanigans I could get up to with Invisible Strahd. Oooh the possibilities. Ooooh they're so delicious. Anyway fuck yeah this spell rocks. Get out of sight, go invisible. Think Rahadin is bad? Now he's invisible! NIGHTMARE HORSE? WHAT HORSE? I LOVE THIS SPELL OK

Polymorph: I want to love polymorph but if they make their wisdom save you've wasted a slot you could have used to make yourself invisible. I can't even pretend he'd be gay and use this to help Rahadin one of his nebulous allies turn into a bird to get away from certain death or something bc it's a concentration spell so if the spell drops early it's like well fuck he got 50ft and then turned back into a guy :/ He ain't above turning a low-level PC into a bat though. That'd be fun.

Animate Objects: POP OFF IMMEDIATELY get that action economy on your side, animate a gargoyle, a suit of armor, and like 6 candelabras you tacky bitch. Again, gives him a bonus action and as long as he stays within 120ft he's solid. Earlier is better because later in the fight he needs that concentration for Greater Invisibility.

Scrying: I mean non-combat obviously but he's using this every damn day to spy on the party through NPCs he's familiar with that he knows are near the PCs, or locations he knows they're staying in. I'm sure that's his like, before-bed routine. Brush his teeth. Exfoliate. Scry on the party. Soothing.

[femoso-seben]

Mini Witch

Part2,

You have no idea where you are. You could smell salty and your hair felt crusty and icky. On the other hand, the little blob, König (it calls itself that you refer it as Takoyaki) was crawling along leading you through the trees and soon onto flat airid plans. The flatness turns dry and sandy and there is the ocean.

The little ugly brat vanishes into the water leaving you on the beat.

You could walk away!

You did.

You could smell the scent of civilization (manure). The small village is quant. You found yourself walking from one shot to another. Your sister had left you a note.

“It is easier for your familiar to protect you if they have a weapon.” You found yourself in front of a weapon smith shop. Nothing struck you until a massive axe, like an executioner’s blade.

You needed a few things and had a few money. You needed food for travel new footwear where and a new cloak for the cold.

As night falls you walk back to the ocean to find your very much unhappy and very ungrateful familiar waiting for you. He transforms into a soggy ass man.

“Here, Takoyaki,” he took the ace and stared at it. He swung it around a few times before nodding like it was for him well.

You spend the night on the beach. The cool air of the ocean keeps the summer heat off you. You awoke feeling slimy and sticky. You look down to find your stupid familiar sleeping on your breast again.

“Perv,” you gran it off your skin and drop it into the sand. He curled up as if you dropped a slug in salt. His eyes open and he glared at you.

You get up clean up your clothes and gather your things, that cloak should be done soon.

“Wohin gehst du?” He asks, I look at him, he’s in his human form. A massive hunk of a man. If he wasn’t a familiar you would have surely pounced on him.

“I bought something wait here.” He sat there and you could have sworn it was pouting.

Something was odd.

Your skin crawled the moment you walked into the Villegas. The air was tense and eyes watched you. They were judging and pointing to you. Fear creeps up your back, you stand out like a sore thumb. You kept your head low and got moving but their eyes never stopped staring at you.

You pick up your cloak and try rushing out of the village. Your heart beat loudly in your chest, and fear gripped your mind… if you had a soul your soul be grasped.

“WITCH!” a man in black yells, all the blood rushes from your face as you feel your heartbeat I your ear. You turn and to your horror men on horseback and bow and arrows are waiting.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

You stare on eyes wide like a kitten, body frozen like a baby deer. You were nothing but a child in the face of adults… even if you were a few centuries older than them. You weren’t ready!

Where were your sisters when you needed them? Maybe you should have traveled with them for the first few trips as they suggested.

Your mind went to your familiar… that little thing can’t save you…

Your hands itch and the next thing you know, staff and hand shooting out magic. Fireballs rain down as arrows fly your way. You ran, shoot magic as you did so.

You had nowhere to go! Your sisters were nowhere to protect you. You're a dead witch running.

As your lungs burn and your angry voice screams for your head and your dismemberment. You only had one way out. That stupid ugly thing.

You collapse onto the sand but you can’t find your stupid familiar anywhere.

You’re going to die.

“WITCH!” You froze and stiffen.

You have no energy left. You turn around and back into the ocean. There is a small line were archer ready to shoot you dead.

Arrows fly.

“KÖNIG!” You shout.

The waters erupted. Tentacles shoot out and you turn to find a large monstrous humanoid tentacles man. The small axe in his hand looks like a toothpick. You cast an increasing size magic on it and soon the axe fit his new size.

He swung it, cutting man and horse apart, blood oozing into the sands.

You fall into his tentacles.

“He is very loyal”

“Maybe having a familiar doesn’t suck…

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@milkywayhou

taglist: @maylovesyousomuch, @trgraves-valx1f0r

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Highlights from tonight, all by or about Huif Belington (weef bellington), unwilling crown prince and professional clown (bard):

Hit by a fireball: "Jesus Fucking Fantasy Christ!"

"The metaphorical horse is in the metaphorical fuckin' tree!"

To convince someone he should not be made king: "So far, my entire life's work has been fucking around, and fucking around."

"[Huif is] a jack-off all trades."