#fire me for that even if I was saying this stuff at work
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♡ So Kiss Me | OP81
NEFERASKINGDOM
Summary: McLaren's annual Christmas party means failed gingerbread houses and confessions in the snow.
SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST
The McLaren Technology Centre was buzzing with excitement. Fresh off the high of their constructors’ championship win, the annual Christmas party was in full swing. The sprawling MTC was unrecognizable, decked out with garlands, fairy lights, and a massive Christmas tree standing proudly at the entrance. It was festive, loud, and decidedly not where Y/N wanted to be at the moment.
She leaned against a high-top table near the edge of the room, nursing her drink and watching the crowd. As a PR coordinator for McLaren, she’d spent months working tirelessly managing their socials and was supposed to be enjoying herself. Instead, she was contemplating the pros and cons of sneaking out early when a familiar voice cut through her thoughts.
“Y/N, you’re not entering the gingerbread contest?”
Caroline. The thorn in her side. Caroline worked in marketing and had perfected the art of weaponized politeness. Tonight, she was wearing a sparkly red dress and an infuriatingly smug expression.
“Nope,” Y/N said flatly, hoping the conversation would end there.
Caroline tilted her head, her smile sharpening. “Oh, I see. I guess some people just don’t have the creative touch for it.”
Y/N’s grip tightened on her glass. She didn’t care about the contest… except now she absolutely did. Caroline’s subtle digs always had a way of lighting a fire under her.
“Actually, I’ve decided I’m entering,” Y/N said, forcing a smile.
Caroline blinked in surprise, but she recovered quickly. “Oh, how fun! Can’t wait to see what you come up with.”
As soon as Caroline walked away, Y/N’s bravado crumbled. What was she doing? She didn’t even have a teammate.
She scanned the room, hoping to spot someone who wasn’t already paired up or too deep into their drinks. No luck. Her usual work friends were either tipsy or engrossed in other activities. After a fruitless search, she retreated to a quieter corner of the room, sulking.
“Why do you look like someone stole your Christmas cookies?”
She looked up to see Oscar Piastri standing in front of her, hands in his pockets and a curious smile on his face. He looked effortlessly good in a suit, the tie slightly loosened around his neck.
“It’s nothing,” she said quickly, not wanting to admit her predicament.
“Doesn’t look like nothing,” he said, stepping closer. “Come on, Y/N. Spill.”
With a sigh, she relented. “Caroline made some snide comment about me not entering the gingerbread contest, so I decided to prove her wrong. But I don’t have a partner, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to embarrass myself.”
Oscar’s brows lifted in amusement. “That’s it? Easy fix. I’ll be your partner.”
Her eyes widened. “What? No way. You don’t have to do that. This is your party. You should be… I don’t know, celebrating.”
“I am celebrating,” he said with a grin. “And what better way to celebrate than helping you crush Caroline?”
She hesitated, but the sincerity in his eyes won her over. “Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’m terrible at this stuff.”
“How bad could it be?”
Very bad, as it turned out.
“This wall won’t stay up!” Y/N groaned, holding a piece of gingerbread that stubbornly refused to stick to the icing.
“Maybe we didn’t use enough icing?” Oscar suggested, frowning at their rapidly deteriorating structure.
“I think the problem is that we’re bad at this,” she said, trying not to laugh.
“Speak for yourself,” he shot back, his smirk widening. “I’m an innovator. This is modern architecture.”
“If by ‘modern’ you mean it looks like it’s about to fall over, then yeah, you nailed it,” she shot back, rolling her eyes but unable to hide her grin.
They both burst out laughing as the roof caved in, sending a handful of gumdrops skittering across the table. Around them, other teams were building masterpieces: sleek houses with intricate frosting designs and perfectly placed candies. Meanwhile, theirs looked like it had survived an earthquake.
“This… this looks like something a five-year-old made blindfolded,” Y/N said, choking on laughter as she gestured at the crumbling mess. “It’s somehow defying gravity in all the wrong ways!”
Oscar wheezed, leaning on the table for support. “Hey, it’s abstract. We’re pushing the boundaries of what a gingerbread house can be.”
“Right, because ‘falling apart’ is such a bold statement,” she teased, wiping tears from her eyes.
They tried to salvage their creation, but every attempt made it worse. Oscar’s attempt at adding a candy cane chimney resulted in the entire roof collapsing again, while Y/N’s decorative icing turned into an unintentional Jackson Pollock painting.
“This is a disaster,” Y/N said, though she couldn’t stop laughing.
“The best kind of disaster,” Oscar said, his tone warm. “Seriously, who cares what it looks like? We’re having fun, right?”
Y/N looked at him, her laughter fading into a softer smile. “Yeah, we are. Thanks, Oscar. You’re a really good friend.”
His expression shifted slightly, like he wanted to say something more, but the moment was interrupted by Caroline sauntering past with her flawless gingerbread mansion.
“Oh, Y/N, it’s so cute that you’re trying. It’s all about having fun, right?”
Y/N forced a tight smile as Caroline walked away. “I hate her.”
“Hey,” Oscar said, nudging her gently. “Forget her. Look at what we made. It’s got… personality.”
Her smile returned, though it wavered slightly as she glanced at the crumbled mess of icing and gingerbread. “Personality is one way to put it.”
Noticing the flicker of disappointment in her eyes, Oscar leaned in, his voice lower and more earnest. “Hey, don’t let her get to you. She’s not worth it.”
Y/N gave a half-hearted shrug. “Easier said than done.”
Oscar studied her for a moment before straightening. “Come on. Let’s get out of here for a bit. Fresh air might help.”
The chill of the night air was sharp against Y/N’s cheeks as she and Oscar wandered the grounds of the McLaren Technology Centre. The party noise had faded into the background, leaving only the quiet sounds of leaves crunching beneath their shoes and the soft rustle of wind against the nearby trees. Y/N hugged her arms around herself, her thoughts drifting as she glanced over at Oscar. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets, his posture relaxed but his gaze attentive.
Oscar broke the silence first, his voice warm and conversational. “You’ve been quiet. What’s on your mind?”
Y/N smiled faintly. “Just… everything. The party, the season, life. It’s been a crazy year.”
“Tell me about it.” He shot her a small grin. “But hey, at least we’ve survived.”
She laughed. “Barely. Some days I wasn’t sure I would. Between the endless PR work and trying to keep up with you drivers, it’s a miracle I’m still standing.”
“Oh, come on,” he teased. “You love it. Admit it.”
“I do,” she admitted, her tone softening. “It’s exhausting, but it’s worth it. Especially when I get to see moments like tonight. You guys deserve it, you know?”
Oscar’s smile turned bashful. “Thanks. It still feels a bit surreal. I keep thinking I’ll wake up tomorrow and it’ll all be a dream.”
“If it is, it’s a pretty damn good one,” she said.
They fell into a comfortable rhythm, their conversation meandering from the highs and lows of the season to lighter topics. Y/N found herself laughing more than she had all night, her usual guardedness slipping away in his presence. It was easy to talk to Oscar, too easy, and she felt a familiar flutter in her chest every time he smiled at her.
Snow began to fall, light and gentle, dusting their hair and coats. Y/N’s eyes lit up as she stopped in her tracks, tilting her face upward. “It’s snowing!”
Oscar chuckled, watching as she spun in place, arms outstretched like a child. Her laughter rang out, clear and bright, and he couldn’t help but smile at the sight. She was beautiful, her joy infectious, and for a moment, he forgot about the cold entirely.
“You’re going to freeze,” he called out, amusement lacing his tone.
“I don’t care!” she replied, still twirling. “Look at how perfect it is. It’s like something out of a Christmas movie.”
Her spinning slowed as she stumbled slightly, and Oscar stepped forward instinctively, steadying her with his hands on her arms. She looked up at him, her breath visible in the cold air, and suddenly the world seemed to shrink around them. The snow fell quietly, the moment suspended in time as their eyes met.
“You’re shivering,” he said softly. Without waiting for a reply, he slipped off his suit jacket and draped it over her shoulders. His hands lingered for a second, his touch warm against the cold fabric.
“Thank you,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. Her heart raced as she stared at him, the closeness between them making her acutely aware of every small detail—the flecks of gold in his eyes, the way his breath hitched slightly as their gazes locked.
Her mind raced, a chaotic swirl of emotions. She’d always felt something for Oscar, but she’d buried it under layers of professionalism and self-doubt. Now, standing here with him, she couldn’t deny it any longer. She liked him. She more than liked him. And judging by the way he was looking at her, the feeling might just be mutual.
Before she could overthink it, Oscar leaned in. The kiss was sudden, catching her completely off guard, but she melted into it almost instantly. His lips were soft, warm against the chill of the night, and the world seemed to blur at the edges as her heart pounded in her chest.
When they broke apart, her breath came in shallow gasps. “Oscar…” she began, her voice shaky.
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, stepping back slightly. “I shouldn’t have—”
“No,” she interrupted, reaching out to grab his hand. “Don’t apologize. I… I’ve been wanting to do that for ages.”
His eyes widened in surprise. “You have?”
She nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Yeah. I just didn’t think you…”
“Are you kidding?” he said, his voice tinged with disbelief. “Y/N, I’ve liked you since the day we met. I just didn’t want to mess things up.”
Her heart swelled at his words, and she felt a giddy rush of joy that made her want to laugh and cry all at once. “You’re an idiot, you know that?” she said, her tone playful.
“Yeah,” he admitted with a sheepish grin. “But I’m your idiot, if you’ll have me that is.”
She didn’t reply with words. Instead, she pulled him into another kiss, this one deeper and more urgent. His hands found her waist as hers tangled in his hair, the world around them fading into insignificance. She pressed against him, her back meeting the rough bark of a nearby tree as their kisses grew more heated.
When they finally broke apart, both of them were breathless, their faces flushed despite the cold. Oscar rested his forehead against hers, his hands still on her waist.
“So,” he said, his voice low and teasing, “do you want to head back to the party, or…?”
She hesitated, a playful smirk tugging at her lips. “But this is your celebration party. Everyone’s here for you.”
He grinned, his eyes sparkling. “I’d rather celebrate in a different way.”
She stared at him, half in shock and half in amusement, before bursting into laughter. “Oscar Piastri, I didn’t know you had game.”
He laughed with her, his hand slipping into hers. “Come on,” he said, tugging her gently toward the parking lot. “Let’s get out of here.”
As they walked away, hand in hand, the snow continued to fall, blanketing the world in quiet magic. For the first time that night, Y/N felt like she was exactly where she was meant to be.
#oscar piastri x reader#oscar piastri fanfic#oscar piastri x you#oscar piastri imagine#oscar piastri x y/n#op81 x reader#op81 x you#op81 x y/n#f1 x reader#f1 x female reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 fic#formula one x reader#formula one x y/n#formula one x you#f1 x oc#formula 1 x you#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#formula 1 fic#formula 1 social media au#formula one smau#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x oc#f1 smau#formula 1 x female reader#formula 1 smau
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crying laughing about the drama in my life right now😂😂
#so my work friend got fired yesterday because of bullshit reasoning rught#and so tonight I’m out in public telling my best friend about it#but like there’s no one around at the moment when we’re talking about this because it’s right after a movie we went to see#and she pushes the door of the theater open and we are the last ones leaving this showing ok#and she opens the door and she’s shit talking my boss because she once worked with me a long time ago so she knows him#plus I’ve given her all the details I know about this dumb situation#and who should walk by right as we fucking open that door??#my boss’s boss…. the one who fired my work friend yesterday and who we were also lowkey shut talking#so I immediately shut the fuck up because he knows me well enough he could recognize my voice and/or my face even if I’m out of work and out#of uniform luckily he keeps walking straight and we walk in a different direction but I’m like ‘that was *insert boss’s boss’s name*’ so we#are both laughing like oh shit 😂😂 and she’s like damn hope you’re not the next one to get fired now which like cmon I don’t think they can#fire me for that even if I was saying this stuff at work#but we walk outside towards her car and we get close and realize that his truck is like 3 away from her car and I’m like hiding at this#point so he won’t see me bc he definitely went out a different exit door than us and pulled out of the parking spot right as we reached her#car but I’m like…. what are the odds of running into him here? he doesn’t even live here so I wouldn’t have thought he’d be hanging around a#and going to see a movie on a Thursday night by himself instead of driving home since he lives like 3 hours from here
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sillies
another close up for the masses ^_^ theyre too cute we looove mazey phaedra in this household
#HE WANTS TO BE NONCHALANT SOOOO BAD BUT THEY MAKE EACH OTHER HAPPY. YOUR HONORRRRRRR#originally i struggled to make him look like he likes this so if its not clear he is very happy to be in this situation#fabzey back to back in the same day im on fire today . i wasnt even planning on these being the first drawings i posted i wanted to post#aydafig or some cassandra stuff i was working on a few days ago but then i was like wait. what if fabzey. what if. they just come so natura#ly to me that i ended up drawing them over and over..... oughhh i stop now i feel like i always say too much in the tags#fantasy high#fhjy#fhjy fanart#fabian seacaster#mazey phaedra#dimension 20#d20#fanart#fantasy high junior year#fabzey#mine
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Blorbo's Eepiest Soldier
Thank you everyone for your kind words, I'm doing better and am back to it <3
#helloo!#thank you all for the well wishes#I have really appreciated every kind word#I'm doing better now and have gotten back to school work#i am so eepy though#eepiest soldier#im also being overworked on my capstone game team and the team lead even told me shes over working me so thats#fun#counting going to this capstone class and meetings and such im putting like 25+ hours in a week for it#and i do have 2 other classes#and a social life i enjoy having#haha#but im happy to do the work cause its good portfolio stuff#except when my producer comes up to me and says "yknow how ur in charge of all the 2d art and concepting and branding and ui and pr? yeah g#make a 3-4 page detailed comic for plot at the start of our game cause we dont wanna cut plot (even tho we dont have time for it) and we#dont wanna show plot through interactable objects and dialogue/text so more work for you even tho u legit dont have time for it#ngl tho i have genuinely been enjoying designing icons and doing model concepts#i made some fire designs recently#please hire me a game company tm#anyway enough of capstone talk#love you all!!!#im excited to graduate and finally be able to change my bio!!#hope you all have a very lovely rest of your day <33#furry#fursona#digital art#art#eepy
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hmmm I do not see how I'm going to be able to make it to 26
#5 months left until then but like. I say this not in a I'm a threat to my own safety way but in a way that expresses#how I cannot parse my own future. its august and Ive accomplished nothing. no jobs want me. everyone is moving on with their lives#doing stuff making plans being successful and I just. have nothing. nothing to show for anything. I dropped out of college#didnt work for a year and then had that retail job for not even a full year#got fired. it's been a year since then and what do I have. fuck all that's what. the world keeps turning and I'm stuck in quicksand#watching everyone dawdle off into the sunset#no marketable skills. I won't go back to retail. I won't do food service. I refuse to debase myself for a big corporation just to live#I won't compromise my morals for a big company just to live. every day I wake up and for what#to just roll the boulder that is a 24 hour day up a hill and when I go to sleep it rolls back down and I have to do it over again#I've been doing that for what seems like forever. there's no change. nothing has changed. everyone else has but I haven't#no life no job no money no prospects it really would be better if I just fuckin. well there'd be no major changes to anyone's day to day#I can say that much
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I've never heard of emts working only at events? What's that like for you if you don't mind my asking?
Yeah, there are ambulance companies that staff certain events, but there's some event specific companies out there lmao. For me specifically, it's almost entirely college events, whether it's happening on a campus or not. It's not great, usually pretty boring, but it's better than being on an ambulance or in a hospital. We do get actual emergencies sometimes, but usually it's just getting drunk people to the tent or giving out water and bandaids lmao. Again, boring as fuck, but I chose this over working on a 911 rig, so that's on me 😔 if I'm being so real tho, other than my coworkers, the best part of the job is the food lmaoooo it's so good and all the food trucks/food booths give discounts or free food to us depending on the location and event. And there's almost always a ton of downtime, so I basically just get paid to sit there and vibe for the most part
#not snz#when i say i love my job i mean i love very specific parts of it lmao#idk if I've said it here before or not and this is gonna sound so bad coming from someone working in healthcare#but i don't like patients lmao#i love the book stuff and i love everything in theory and i know how everything works and I'm very enthusiastic about it#but man do i not like patients ahskaksk#there are exceptions obviously but those are few and far between#it's why i love being an emt at my fire station bc we don't reslond to medical calls#like I've done medical calls there for the public but very rarely bc people either approach us or we stumble upon them#so i really only do my emt things on the people i know and i love that#i love my coworkers so I'm always happy to make sure they're okay and help them out when they're not#but i feel nothing for the public and i didn't realize i genuinely couldn't care less about them until i started doing my clinicals#it's just awkward and I'm not invested in them i just like figuring out what's wrong with them and interact with them as little as possible#again there are exceptions and i do like some of the patients but generally I'm just trying to hand them off asap#so yeah i do like working events bc the alternative is being confined to a tiny box or trapped in a hospital#i like being outside and being able to walk around the place and do things if i want to#and obviously i adore my partner#and even on the rare occasions i work with someone else all day i love my other coworkers too#and i mean yeah this might be more boring than working on an emergency rig However#it pays so much better#like why do y'all think my medic partner works there lmao he's actually good with patients and prefers the ambulance#but the pay in the field is shit so he gets paid way more working events than he would at the three letter company#insane actually that he makes over ten dollars more an hour working chill events than he would being overworked on a rig#anyway i digress#I'm looking into pathology assistant school rn bc there's like no patient interaction there but i still get to be nosy#so that's perfect for me lmao#everyone keeps saying i missed my calling as a vet tho like i don't cry when a dog dies in a movie lmao i wouldn't survive#working with animals would be amazing but the only thing that really gets you money is being a vet#so that can be a hobby
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btw similar to the whole "if you try adderall at a party and it calms you down, get an adhd test" thing, if at some point in your life you try microdosing shrooms with a friend and end up feeling like a functional person for the first time in your life, get tested for depression. like yeah hallucinogens come with elation so youre probably gonna have some "this is the best ive ever felt in my life" vibes regardless, but like. if that in and of itself feels like finally breathing in for the first time in years, thats for sure a sign that something is up with your ability to process serotonin most of the time. feeling better than ever before should be a nice bonus, not a crushing weight off your chest
#fun fact there are currently multiple ongoing studies vis a vis the effectiveness of psilocybin on depression#both on its own and as a companion to ssris#psylocybin targets the 5ht2a serotonin receptors which wikipedia tells me are more numerous in the brains of those with depression#so like. if you spend most of your life feeling like your brain is an aquarium with a leak in it and serotonin is the water and your default#state is 'slightly damp gravel grinding painfully against itself' thats ummm not normal 👍#and on the flipside of that if you have depression that no other med has worked for and know a guy. its 1000% worth it#origibberish#also i say 'wikipedia tells me' as if i just looked it up but that all comes from a long night of spite filled research after i asked my#psychiatrist if we could use the fact that psylocybin worked for me as a basis to like. narrow down which legal antidepressant#might work instead of basically just throwing darts at a board every time#and after several minutes explaining to her that i was not just asking her to prescribe me shrooms but in a legal way she went#'ohhhh yeah no unfortunately theres been no research into that‚ yeah.... sorry......:)'#which. as far as 'lies you come up with on the spot to avoid having to say i dont know' go‚ that is. maybe the worst one to pick#like. 'no‚ thats not an option'? alright fine maybe theres some internal rules or something who knows#'theres no research' though just. immediately tanks any and all credibility 100% even on its own but considering the subject matter?#youre telling me. that humans. the famously curious species that researches fucking Everything. and also Loves playing with drugs. when#trying to figure out how to make drugs that make brains feel good. would not start with the drugs they already knew made brains feel good.#youre telling me that not one (1) singular scientist tried shrooms and went 'oh my god wait. i dont feel like im dying for the first time#ever. holy fuck i need to study this'#complete misplay. absolutely legendary fumble. there were so many ways to fuck it up and somehow you found the worst. congratulations#om the other hand though. really was an excellent setup for the punchline that is the voicemail i have from them saying she'd been fired LOL#they didnt say what for specifically but yknow. based on my own experiences i certainly have theories jebfksbfk#it was annoying in the moment but at the end of the day i have shrooms and she doesnt have the job so. whos laughing now emily KSBFKSBFKDN#this is what i mean though like. rn i feel fine. not on top of the world‚ not like a god#just. fine. i just dont feel like shit. i feel like i can do stuff if i want to‚ or chill peacefully and have it actually be. relaxing.#i dont feel like gravel right now‚ i feel like a person.#and god what a fucking relief it is#really i guess the moral overall is that if at any point you react to trying a new drug the same way an addict craving a hit for days would#then there maybe is something up with your brain chemistry because that means your default state of existence is comparable to that#of withdrawal. a famously shit experience
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Sounds like you've got a right bitch of a co-worker based on those post tags lol
ajfksdljf TT0TT Oh that was like my 3rd version of a post I made. I had to talk myself down and censor myself akljsdflkfa orz
But yes he really is. I cannot stress it enough that everyone hates his guts and he's created such a hostile work environment.
#silly asks#the junpei coworker#silly answers#god i hate him so much#he's not the first jackass i've had to work with but god he is the most recent#i should've called HR last night#i literally told him “do NOT fucking finish that sentence or train of thought”#and then he kept ALLUDING to what he wanted to say and i had to keep telling him to stfu#then he hid in the bathroom for 30 min (which pissed me off mORE because it meant he got a free 30 break and was paid for it)#all while i was left alone to wrangle a circus by myself#he was watching anime fyi...cause I could hear it when I had to go to the back room to get stuff#like we had a store meeting and my boss listed a bunch of stuff that needed to be minded#and like HALF of it was directed at junpei (he didn't look at him but WE ALL KNEW)#my boss even confirmed it when everyone else left#he only confirmed it because as soon as they left I turned to him an was like 'when is that mfer getting fired?????!"#my boss wants to fire him but HIS boss says he can't until they find a replacement#the bar is in hell rn#it's so bad that me and my other coworker made a bingo of shit he likes to pull on shift (HE'S THAT CONSISTENT)#*looks at sched* oh thank god I dont need to see him today or tomorrow-#WAIT NO I HAVE TO WORK WITH HIM THE ENTIRE CLOSE FRIDAY NOOOOO FUCK save tme this is gonan suck#i'm kinda hoping he gets “sick” again I'd rather work alone TT0TT#*inhales* it'll be fine it'lle be fine it'll be fine it'll be fine#zen zen centered i am zen...I'll listen to an audio book or video i'll be ok#i'll just ignore him like i've been doing TT0TT#silly vents#vents#irl bs
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Here I go to spend several days by myself in the North Carolina wilderness. Wish me luck. Never gone camping alone (but I have my dogs, and I trust them more than any people I know), so that's intimidating. Hopefully I don't have to fistfight a bear over whatever I'm cooking that night. Not looking forward to no toilet or shower until Monday, but it is what it is. I absolutely have to do this, for my mental health. I'm losing so much money taking the time off work to just have mountain time to myself. But I gotta. My life has been such a chaotic mess for over half a year now - everything that could go wrong, has - and I've never felt so close to just letting myself snap. I can feel it boiling right under the surface at any given time.
But yeah. Should be a time. Might post pictures upon my return (provided a bear doesn't decide I'm on the menu). Wish me luck!
#not vc sorry#camping#going to pisgah in case i never return and y'all gotta help direct the cops#should be back online sometime next week#really hoping there's no phone service so no one can bother me#i WILL hike the mountains. i WILL return to the dirt and moss from which i came.#i think it'll be good for me to just fuck off for a while and hang out with my puppies#it's just been shit after shit for so long#like. starts off with me getting fired over a false police report that no one cared was obviously fake#then the only person I've ever given a shit about says he's had a massive thing for me for years and just ghosts me?#then my mom started getting worse and is constantly blaming me for all her problems and breaking my stuff etc#like. she tells my 15 year old brother he's a failure and won't be shit at least once a day. blames me for his behavior.#then I'm getting constantly fucked over at work. treated like I'm an idiot. paid less than the guys despite doing the same work.#my physical health isn't great but what do i even do about that?#i have no control over anything in my life. it's all going to shit.#but you know what i can control? where my gay ass subaru is driven. and it's driving me to the mother fucking mountains.#and i WILL chill and relax and not stress over shit that's out of my hands!!!!!!!#it's supposed to rain a lot but who cares. just means less likelihood of other people camping near me.
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So so so fucking angry tonight
#mars says stuff#EVERYTHING IN MY PERSONAL LIFE IS LEGIT FINE I PROMMY#IM JUST SO SICK OF THE ZIONIST MISINFORMATION AND MILQUETOAST APATHETIC DEMOCRAT BULLSHIT THAT#I FEEL COMPLICIT IN BC I WORK FOR A RADIO STATION AND I HAVE TO PUMP OUT NEWS PROMOS#AND ITS THE ONLY JOB I HAVENT BEEN FIRED FROM#AND IM SO FUCKING SICK OF THE RAMPANT TRANSPHOBIA AND ESPECIALLY TRANSMISOGYNY#EVERYWHERE I FUCKING GO AND TO HAVE OTHER TMASC PPL BE LIKE 'LMAO THATS NOT REAL AND IF IT IS ITS NOT THAT BAD THESE CRAZY BITCHES'#WHEN I SEE IT ONLINE AND IN PERSON EVERY FUCKING DAY AND IM NOT EVEN THE ONE IT EFFECTS#AND I TRY TO ENGAGE IN MY COMMUNITY. THERES A JUNETTENTH EVENT IM GOING TO TMR TO TRY AND SCOUT OUT SOME LOCAL ORGS#I CAN VOLUNTEER FOR TO TRY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER IN MY COMMUNITY#but tonight i just feel shitty and small and ineffectual and hypocritical and angry and cowardly#AND EVERYONES LIKE OH DEAL WITH THAT ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY THATLL HELP#MOTHERFUCKER I USE IT AS FUEL TO MAKE ART. TO PLAY MUSIC. TO TRY NOT TO FLUNK OUT OF A SCHOOL THAT I HATE BC OF THE INSTITUTIONS IT UPHOLDS#and i never have enough after my bills are paid to donate to all the gofundmes both here and in palestine i want to help out#im just so fucking mad. but im also 5'3“ and awkward and chubby and I cant fight and all of my friends tease me for it and it comes from a#place of love and im not mad at them. i just wish i could kick someones ass tonight. some fucking bigot i could put all my rage behind#and just keep hitting and hitting until the fucker stopped moving. but i cant do that. both not physically and also bc i Might Lose Everythi#ng#ill delete this tomorrow#time to watch some shitty youtube videos and eat something and get high enough that i dont feel so fucking mad#just consume my way out of it lmao
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Stop, stop, stop. There is only one 'Destiny's Slave' in the boundaries of Honkai: Star Rail, and that is Elio. Whether speaking about Kafka, Blade, Silver Wolf, and Firefly as a collective or as their own individual selves, the Stellaron Hunters are not "Destiny's Slave(s)".
You can call every living entity in HSR a 'slave to destiny' if you so insist, as that is honestly a common perception of destiny in media and in our actual lives, but that does not make it our title. Elio is the only one, the only one, directly referenced (and capitalized accordingly as one would do with a title) as 'Destiny's Slave'. Singular, not plural. Never once is it utilized in plural form, and capitalized like that. So stop taking it from him. Stop giving it out to the others and diminishing what it means for him within the greater narrative of the story.
Here, let me explain the fundamental issue behind taking this from his character, it lays with the burden that he bears. For just a second, imagine being able to see all the ways in which destiny can unfold: you can see the destruction of worlds and of the lives that inhabit them, of which some may be dear to you. You see things that you don't ask to see or may never want to see, but you have to bear it. And then there's the reality that that's the only power you hold, and you are powerless to directly influence it yourself, or stop it from occurring in any way. You know what that makes you? Destiny's Slave. That's one hell of a cruel 'destiny', isn't it; to bear witness, but no more than that?
Seriously, think again before you call Kafka, Blade, Silver Wolf or Firefly 'one of Destiny's Slaves' or 'Destiny's Slave' individually, for it's not what they are. Stop taking something from one character, to then also, quite frankly, mischaracterize the others afterwards.
#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.#[ psa. ] we all think we have infinite possibilities; but every question and answer is constrained by previous choices.#[ salt. ] that breathing sensation? remember it.#[ i just. /i just/. feel SO STRONGLY about this. ]#[ i don't know how so many in this world get this wrong when the game is so point blank obvious about this. ]#[ please by all means-- point me at where 'Destiny's Slave' is every officially used for ANYONE other than elio. ]#[ i must know what feeds this misconception. but it drives me insane. ]#[ sometimes i wonder if i feel this strongly about this because i write kafka and she's noted to be his closest and most trusted. ]#[ and thus likely the one to stand against stuff like this in respect of him. ]#[ ... can i see her /intentionally/ letting someone make a bad assumption about this in game if it works in elio's favor? sure. ]#[ but that's a whole other story. no one has done that though and only the ones not knowledgeable would do so. ]#[ as wanted posters literally are clear on this. ]#[ /shakes the world. ]#[ /shakes the fandom. ]#[ /shakes artists. ]#[ this is how and why fanon sucks actually. ]#[ but it's just. god. don't take from another character who so far-- doesn't even have that much. honestly. ]#[ but also like i once said and will say again: please read. just please read. ]#[ i come back from a family birthday dinner to depart again soon-- and i just. everywhere. ]#[ it's like entering that room on fire and every flame is 'the stellaron hunters are Destiny's Slaves!' ]
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And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"
I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse
And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa
And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house
I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished
...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)
And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff
There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government
No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)
Like have some accountability there and in every situation
Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free
If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off
I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)
But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced
Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around
I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)
...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change
(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)
(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)
#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem#shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide#what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne#...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain#and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make#but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves#not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here'#it's sick; it truly is#but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better#we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair#only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide#the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same#you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help#that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink#get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope#we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said#'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die'#I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up#I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure#and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty#my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows)#...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more...#and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet#it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last#...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind#I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die#and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income#given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now#mm tag so i can find things later
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Okay okay so. Thinking.
I've mapped out how I want to pay off my credit cards, which means I'll only be getting new stuff pretty sporadically, which means I need to appreciate the zero cost things in my life, like:
- the 2.5 foot tall stack of unread books I have
- the violin I might finally actually pick up again
- the 500+ drawing prompts I've been hoarding
- the list of anime I still need to watch
- the 3000+ songs in my watch later playlist
- the stickers I've been neglecting to cut
- yarn??? I have a lot of yarn
- all the pink fabric leftover from moth cosplay
- the candles and incense I also already have
In short, time to actually use the stuff that I have 😭
#though. i do want one more candle. they're putting minty smells in the winter ones and it smells cold#i need a cold smelling candle that is warm and on fire i just need that very strange contrast#but yeah!! will spend a little testing out acrylic charms but for the most part#we're gonna hang out at home for a while and express gratitude or whatever lmao#okay but i think it will actually be nice to start getting through all those books skjfkdkd#and to watch the bigger name anime to actually see them lmao; saw a lot at the con i recognized but hadn't actually watched#and also my music!! all my music bc i am clinically insane about music; miku playlist advancement...#this isn't even touching on the games i have now ksjfkf if either of you are reading this 👀 i still wanna get yall something#and I'm planning the exact day i wanna do it 😤#but yeah I'm thinking it over and am like. oh boy time for self improvement skjdkfkf#also finances will get easier bc im not ubering all over and I'm not seeing docs for my stomach now that the ulcer has been resolved#i made back half of what i spent getting the car in only 4 months and that feels good to see#it's still gonna be some hard work but we're gonna make it; I'm also highballing one of the cards#the hotel put a damages hold on my card and my math factors that in; they said that money would go back to me in 5 or so#business days so that'll be a little less to be concerned with; I'll still try to pay what numbers i found though#do it faster and do it better and idk what the fuck I'll do with the cards bc. 30% apr...........#idk i could get groceries with them and then pay them off? take that credit score you'll just eat that shit up won't you..#surprisingly my credit score hasn't taken any super ugly hits from this and i aim to keep it that way lmao#anyways. that's a lot of words to say that i want to actually use my stuff lmao#shai speaks
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sometimes i hate that i'm what would probably be considered a high functioning depressed person because i can take care of myself without too much issue beyond exhaustion/executive dysfunction... but that's only because i've had no choice for long so now people in my life who arent really involved dont understand that i'm struggling because it doesnt look like i'm struggling since i'm still doing things i need to get done!!!
there's this expectation that i should be able to work more hours and do more things because i dont have to take care of my mom anymore, and while that's true it does open up the options, they dont seem to understand that i'm fucking exhausted and i'm still in survival mode... like that doesnt just turn off now that she's gone...
#and then i have these expectations put on me that i should be working full time. so then i feel like a bum that i'm not pushing towards#that for myself but i just cant make myself even look for a new job because the idea of having to get adjusted to a new environment n all#that comes w it is so daunting and exhausting. even if i'm being treated badly at my current job the familiarity lessens the burden#even if one of the AM's is constantly making jokes about firing me and that i'm not needed and they would be fine without me#sometimes i feel like such a stupid bastard for complaining about how hard this stuff is when theres like a literal genocide happening#across the ocean from me - but my problems will continue to exist regardless i guess???#idk how people feel anymore about using high/low functioning depression ive seen some people#say its out of date and some people say its fine so whatever this is my vent post#personal
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Got my employment contract and it sounds so annoying already
#im selling my body and soul to serve the company#for minimum wage#and there's some really sloppy mistakes in there too#they didn't even get the paragraphs in order#they go 9 10 11 12 11 14#get it together#and one paragraph just says 'the employee has to undergo an exam upon request' and while this is infuriating enough#someone didn't even proofread that sentence because it doesn't make any sense grammatically#and the beginning and the end of the sentence don't match#you'd either have to adjust the beginning or leave out a word in the end in order to make sense#and that's currently bothering me the most because wtf this is a legal document and you cannot even proofread it#if i make an mistake like this im sure id get some very angry feedback#also decided that i don't want the job badly enough to undergo anything i deem unnecessary#im sure it's nothing dramatic but if they wanna do something i don't want ill accept getting fired lol#also gotta inquire about whether it's okay for me to have another mini job in April and May or if they're against it#('the employee has to dedicate their entire work performance to the company and has to get permission to have any#other paid or unpaid (!) commitments including volunteer work')#(what. should i also ask whether i can function as a 'buddy' for international students since it's a commitment and not technically#free time?? (i understand the not having other paid jobs part but UNPAID stuff? like it's any of their business. killing them honestly)#anyway#i'll shut up now#(my mother has been feeling sick and last year this also ended up in Me throwing up for 3 days straight#and guess what#i can see how tonight is gonna go ♡ i will be complaining ♡ (not me literally wishing for something like this when i had my#little ed relapse recently. im sorry body. i take it back. this sucks so bad i do not actually want it)#vois screams
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bath + asparagus time
#I did some cleaning and my day’s gotten slightly better#long story short I’ve had a fucking weekend lmfao#last Thursday I had a complete breakdown on my way home prompted by like the smallest comment u could think of#nevertheless it made me sob violently#like picture florence pugh in midsommar but more hysterical#on Friday I had a good day!! but it was fuckin busy man and I didn’t get around to#half of the stuff I needed to#Saturday was also busy and on the way home from work my car started SMOKING!!!! from under the hood#nothing was on fire but it freaked me the fuck out and I couldn’t get it to the mechanic until today so I had to find rides everywhere#and that was stressful#I only got like 3 or 4 hours of sleep Saturday night bc I had a (fun!!!) thing that went really late and then had to get up at 5 for work#on Sunday#so Sunday afternoon I got home and napped from 2-6pm and then just went to bed at 8 so I STILL didn’t get any shit done#and then this morning I opened again and I spent my sh#ift w people who are even newer at my job than I am so I was like training them/doing everything they couldn’t do yet and it was just#a weird day and my boss was acting weird and I didn’t like it at all#and then this afternoon I take my car to the mechanic FINALLY and he says the radiator’s busted and leaking coolant everywhere and also#one of the tires is fucked so we have to get them all replaced#and that’s gonna be several hundred dollars which is fine it’s all fine but I’m fucking tired#and when I got home there were still dishes to do���😭😭#I need someone to baby me and clean my house#gawd#valkyrie talks
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