#finally she will get the appreciation she deserves

[coqhee]

SECRET RECIPE TO YOUR LOVE 𓂃 심재윤

✷ in which jake receives a list from your friends with all your favorite things and uses them in an attempt to get you to fall in love with him.

downbad jake︲fem reader ︲fluff, comedy, chef! reader︲petname (once), small fluffy kiss at the end︲1700 / more

─── ♡

jake was so desperately in love the day he saw you at the campus restaurant working there as a part time job. he didn’t even like the food there, yet he came back every single day just to see you.

he was too nervous to speak to you, and it wasn’t until your best friend chaewon noticed how puppy eyed he looked, staring at you almost every single shift.

that’s when he struck gold with chaewon offering a deal of a lifetime. the secret recipes and ingredients to your love.

“time to pay up, i basically gave you a ‘how to’ make her fall in love with you” chaewon tutted with her hand extended out towards jake.

jake was willing to pay any price, and pulled out his wallet non hesitantly pulling out cash to hand to your friend.

he was more than excited to utilize the list.

“she’s worth it,” jake mumbled, watching as chaewon counted the money with a smirk.

“oh, i know. that’s why i made this list so thorough,” she teased, waving the folded piece of paper in front of him. “don’t mess this up.”

jake took the list, his heart racing just at the thought of finally making you see him as more than a friend. he knew every tip and trick chaewon listed out would be essential.

he unfolded it slowly, scanning the first line.

unbeknownst to him, chaewon had just set him up for failure, but he was a desperate desperate man willing to trust any source close to you.

─── ♡

INGREDIENT 1 : BUY HER DAHLIAS

the next day, jake showed up outside your lecture hall, a small bouquet of dahlias wrapped in soft tissue paper in his hands. he’d looked them up after reading the list, finding out that dahlias were your favorite.

your eyes widened when you saw him. “jake, what’s this?”

“for you,” he said, smiling, his cheeks flushed pink. “just thought…you deserve something nice.”

you accepted the flowers, feeling the warmth in your chest rise as you glanced down at them. you loved dahlias; they were beautiful and rare to find around campus. it was thoughtful, sweet, the kind of gesture you never thought jake would make.

“thank you,” you murmured, a bit of nervousness creeping into your smile. you didn’t have the heart to tell him that you were mildly allergic. your nose was already starting to tingle, but you held them close anyway, wanting to appreciate the gesture fully.

“you like them?” jake asked, looking relieved and proud, as if he’d just won a small victory.

you nodded, sneezing softly into your elbow and giving him a thumbs-up to reassure him. “they’re really beautiful, jake. honestly.”

“good,” he replied, his grin widening, clearly pleased with himself. he didn’t seem to notice your eyes starting to water, or maybe he did and thought it was out of happiness.

you walked together, and he stayed close, chatting happily as if he’d broken a small barrier between you two.

as soon as he left, you quickly ducked into the restroom, letting out a sigh of relief as you carefully set the dahlias down by the sink, sniffling and laughing at the same time.

even if he’d gotten it a little wrong, the thought behind it made your heart flutter.

jake returned to his dorm room feeling victorious, his heart pounding as he recalled the thoughts earlier in the day.

─── ♡

INGREDIENT 2 : BUY HER GRAPE AND CHERRY CANDY

the next week, between classes (that he had memorized), jake found you by the lockers, his face lighting up as he pulled a small, crinkling bag from his pocket. “hey, i heard these are your favorite,” he said, holding up a pack of cherry and grape candies with a proud grin.

you blinked, momentarily confused. cherry and grape? the artificial flavors you always avoided? still, the excitement on his face was enough to make you tuck away your true feelings.

“oh… wow, jake,” you said, trying to match his enthusiasm, a slight unsure smile tugging at your lips. “thank you. you really didn’t have to.” your favorite?

“of course i did,” he said, beaming, clearly satisfied with himself. “just a little something to brighten your day.”

you took the bag from him, glancing down at the bright red and purple candies inside. you figured he must have heard wrong, but his effort—misguided as it was—still made your heart skip a beat. it was such a tiny thing, yet you couldn’t help but find it oddly endearing.

“you’re really sweet, you know that?” you said, hoping to focus on his effort rather than the actual candy.

“anything for you,” jake replied, his cheeks coloring slightly as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“i’ll, uh, save these for later,” you told him, tucking the candies into your bag. there was no way you’d eat them, but maybe you’d find a friend who would.

jake’s face brightened even more. “awesome. let me know if you need more—i’ll get you all the cherry and grape candy you want.”

“sure, jake,” you replied, biting back a laugh, your heart warming at his clueless sincerity.

as he walked away, you couldn’t stop smiling.

jake’s suspicions began to arise to your confused expression, but nonetheless he was sure this recipe was cooking up love between the two of you.

─── ♡

INGREDIENT 3 : TAKE HER TO THE BEACH

you in fact, hated swimming. you were none the wiser to chaewon planning your demise, but with someone like jake initiating all these plans, it was hard to avoid them.

jake’s eyes sparkled with excitement as he bounced on his toes outside your dorm, his car keys in hand. “ready for the beach day?” he asked, grinning ear to ear.

you froze, the smile on your face faltering just slightly. “the beach?”

“yeah! thought it’d be fun to get some sun, maybe dip our feet in the water.” he shrugged casually, as if it were the best idea ever.

you bit your lip, feeling a twist of nerves in your stomach. “oh, um… the beach?”

“yeah! i remember hearing somewhere that you love the beach, so i figured—” he paused, noticing your hesitant expression. his brow furrowed, eyes softening. “wait, you… do like the beach, right?”

you felt your cheeks warm, not wanting to let him down. “uh… not exactly,” you admitted, giving him a sheepish look. “actually, i’m a little scared of it, the water at least,”

his mouth opened in surprise, and he rubbed the back of his neck, clearly a bit flustered. “oh, wow, i… i didn’t know that. i’m so sorry! i thought—”

“it’s okay,” you interrupted quickly, laughing softly to ease his nerves. “it’s actually really sweet that you thought of me, you could take of your friends though,”

he blinked, clearly relieved but still looking embarrassed. “well, maybe we could walk on the boardwalk and get ice cream. away from the water of course,”

you felt yourself relax, nodding eagerly. “that sounds perfect.”

he laughed, holding his arm out for you. “ice cream it is. and next time, i’ll double-check my sources.”

as you walked away from the beach plan and toward ice cream, you couldn’t help but feel a little closer to him.

─── ♡

INGREDIENT 4 : BE HONEST WITH HER

as you two strolled toward the ice cream shop, jake glanced down at his phone, a hint of suspicion in his eyes. he seemed lost in thought, almost like he was putting pieces together.

“you know,” he started, his voice thoughtful, “chaewon was so confident when she gave me that list. but now… i’m starting to think it was a lie.

“chaewon? did she put you up to the candy and flowers too?” you asked giggling.

“honestly, yeah. she noticed me coming into the campus restaurant every day and felt bad, i guess,” jake admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “she said she’d help me out with, you know… figuring out what you liked.”

you tilted your head, fighting back a smile. “so she decided to give you a list of all my supposed ‘favorites’?”

jake nodded, groaning. “yeah, but now that i think about it, she had this weird look on her face when she handed it over. like she was way too happy about it.”

you chuckled, shaking your head. “sounds like classic chaewon.”

“i just really wanted to impress you i guess,” jake sighed admitting his feelings.

your heart skipped at his confession, and you felt warmth bloom in your chest. he wasn’t just being sweet—he meant it. all the little gestures, even if they’d gone slightly wrong, came from a genuine place.

“you did, jake,” you said, your voice just as soft, meeting his eyes. “not because of the candy or the beach idea… but because you tried. because you care.”

his eyes widened slightly, and a faint blush crept up his cheeks. “you mean that?”

you nodded, smiling at him. “of course i do. you didn’t need to do any of that to impress me, you know. i already… well, i already like you.”

jake froze, the words seeming to catch him off guard. “wait… you—what?”

you laughed, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “i like you, jake. honestly, i’ve liked you for a while. i just didn’t think you…” you trailed off, suddenly feeling shy.

“are you serious?” he asked, a goofy grin spreading across his face. “you like me?”

“yes, jake,” you said, laughing now at how giddy he looked. “i like you.”

standing close, you found yourself caught in his gaze, noticing for the first time just how warm his eyes were. flecks of amber glowed under the soft light, gentle and inviting, holding a hint of vulnerability that made your heart flutter.

“your eyes are really pretty,” you commented gazing into them, admiring the color.

“you mean that angel?” he asked, his face reaching closer to yours as if asking for approval, in which you nodded.

jake leaned in slowly, eyes searching yours for a brief moment. then, his lips brushed softly against yours, warm and gentle, a quiet, unspoken promise lingering between you both.

maybe the recipe to your love was reinvented by jake to be successful after all, despite the small (minor!) flaws written in by chaewon.

─── ♡

a/n: happy jake day!! obligatory jake fic cause ofc >< all likes, reblogs, and comments appreciated <3

@ coqhee 2024. all rights reserved

[foodtruckery]

Okay noncon thoughts about ford forcing himself onto fem!stan after the science fair incident, it isn't more so intentional but in an act of rage, it's rough and merciless, with hard thrusts. Fem! Stan initially attempts to fights it off at first but later just gives in it as it would be useless and she technically "deserves this" or whatever lie she makes up to comfort herself in the moment

Cue the post nut clarity hits and stanford is either a) deeply disgusted/horrified at himself and regrets it immensely, after all, no matter what- that's still his little sister or b) literally does not regret it at all and is finally glad he could be open about his desire for fem!stan

(Please ignore or delete this ask, if you aren't comfortable with noncon aaaa, I'm so sorry if this was unwanted)

hello anon! not uncomfortable with noncon, so no worries there, but i appreciate you checking! but! lol i will say that i do tend to be picky about the noncon stuff i consume and enjoy, and it's usually one of those things that has to be "right situation at the right time." and in typical me fashion, i uh. managed to talk my way into it! putting the rest of this rambling below a cut for anyone who is sensitive to this topic! <3

all of THAT being said, if we're looking at a scenario where we do get ford who kinda loses it, seeing red and wanting to put stan in her place, i think it's a lot more interesting if it's NOT the first time these feelings are out in the open. let's say, instead, that they've already crossed that line with each other. so at first, it isn't anything usual even. getting ford annoyed and riled up enough to want to be rougher than normal, pull out a little more of that possessive streak of his -- that's something stan's gotten good at. so that's what this must be, right? they're gonna fight about it and then they're gonna fuck about it, and then they're gonna get over it.

except ford is a lot angrier than usual. angrier than when she sneaks back in after curfew with with a new hickey and won't tell him who gave it to her, angrier than when she disappears halfway through a saturday shift in the shop and makes ford finish restocking by himself, angrier than the time ford had to come and pick her up from a bar she'd snuck into but got too drunk to make it home by herself -- angrier than she's ever actually seen him, maybe.

that's probably fine tho, right? she likes it when ford wants to manhandle her a bit, and when he gets worked up enough to growl the kinda lewd shit against her neck that's just a sexy cover for the fact that he gets jealous or worried. but he isn't saying anything now, actually, and it's kinda weird, the silence. they've stopped arguing and his hands are in all the places she usually likes, but the anxious anger from the fight isn't dissipating into lust and want like it usually does. ford isn't grinding his knuckles against her clit through her clothes and chewing on her ear in the way that that usually redirects all that energy into something to better spend it on. he's gripping too hard, being too pushy, and none of it actually feels good like it should. when she actually loses buttons off her goddamn shirt for how hard he tries to yank it open, she snaps at him, "jesus christ, stanford, at least try to be careful, will ya?"

and she's not at all prepared for how actually fucking angry and, worse, how cold he sounds when he responds. "like how you were careful with my project? shut the fuck up."

and suddenly this isn't about fucking it out, and it's not about letting off a little steam. and when when she goes to shove him, ford is. a lot heavier than she'd realized, actually. he doesn't rock easily back like she ususally does when she pushes him, and his grip is hard enough to bruise when he shoves her down. and it hadn't ever really occurred to stan before then that ford just...let her push him around when they were scuffling. that his time being forced into boxing lessons by their pa actually meant something on her scrawny nerd brother.

suddenly ford is threatening.

and suddenly she's afraid of him.

and stan is used to that feeling of fight or flight surging through her. usually through a her fist into some loser's face. but she's not at all used to feeling that way with ford. especially not like this, underneath him. and he's suddenly heavy and huge in ways that had always been nice and good. but they're not anymore, and it's the first time stan has ever felt the rush of fight or flight and just....frozen instead.

he doesn't even take her panties off, just yanks them to the side. and she knows she's liked that before, found it really hot even, but now all she can feel is how hard the material is cutting into her hips and thighs and how wet she isn't. and some of the fight does kick in, finally, when he pulls his dick out and she realizes, holy shit, she doesn't want this to happen. but he's already got her at a fucked up angle, crushed down against the mattress, out of reach of anything on the nightstand, the width of him pressing her thighs too far apart to get enough leverage to knee him as hard as she tries to.

that just makes him angrier, anyway, and she yelps when he grabs her by the thigh so hard she knows she's going to have six finger shaped bruises for days afterwards.

"shut up!" he hisses again, squeezing the already sore spots on her leg hard enough that she flinches and tries to jerk away, but the mattress doesn't give her any leeway -- it just dips and reshapes to support her exactly where she's at. "if anyone comes up here, i'll tell them you came on to me to try and make up for what you did. it is the least you could fucking do, after all."

and he's....right? she thinks? ford's the golden child, the eldest son, and she's always been too loud, too stupid, too shamelss, too fat, too her. they'd believe him. and maybe....maybe she does, too? this is how they've been handling all their fights, lately. most of them fights that she starts on purpose to get goad ford into fucking her. so....so maybe that is on her? for setting the precedent?

it all hurts, but maybe she deserves that, too.

there's a shitty little sketch of a sailboat on one of the wood slats holding ford's bed up above hers. it almost looks like it's the one moving.

after, ford climbs off of her, and the sailboat stops moving. she hears him cleaning himself up and getting changed, and she flinches when he climbs the ladder to his bed. but she doesn't peel herself off the sheets until she recognizes the slow, even cadence of his breaths from overhead that suggest he's fallen asleep.

it's probably the quietest she's ever moved around their room. usually, she doesn't care if ford hears her shuffling around. usually, she's hoping he'll notice.

now, she's careful not to make any noise at all. it's dark, which she appreciates when she's stripping out of her ruined shirt and stretched panties, but it means she doesn't know what she's grabbing to throw on instead. she doesn't really care as long as she's dressed again as quickly as possible, but she is grateful to find a sweater and jeans to pull on. nothing else she grabs out of the dresser gets a second glance, though. clothes just get pushed as quickly and as quietly as she can manage into the bottom of her bookbag, and she doesn't risk making additional noise by closing the drawers back up.

ford's bed squeaks, just once, when he shifts in his sleep, and stan nearly throws up on the carpet, gripping her bag so tightly it makes her hands hurt. the door is only a few steps away, but it feels like it takes forever to get there. the soft clicking of the handle have her heart in her throat, but ford doesn't move again, and the hall is silent when she slips out of his room. her shoes and her keys are downstairs, which is good, they'll be easy to grab. she wants desperately to shower. she wants to use all the hot water their ancient water heater can provide and then some. but she thinks that even if she could get it to spit out boiling water, it wouldn't be enough. she also thinks that if she goes into the hall bathroom now and closes the door, that she's going to fall apart, and she can't do that. not yet. instead, she sneaks downstairs the way she always has, skipping the creaky fourth step, dodging the table of tibetan singing bowls Ma uses for "ambiance." she doesn't even lace her shoes, just shoves her feet into the sneakers and grips her keys in a clenched fist to keep them from jangling. she feels the metal teeth digging into her palm and clenches harder. she doesn't breathe until she's behind the locked door of the El Diablo and three, going on four, five, six blocks up the street. she'll find a parking lot to pull into later, when she's out of town and can't keep the wheel straight anymore. she'll lose it there. she'll cry until she has to stumble out of the car and throw up, and she'll bloody her knuckles punching asphalt.

but for now she keeps a white knuckle grip on the steering wheel and drives and refuses to look when she passes the beach.

[sepublic]

Palismen as Mutualism

For Hunter, abandoning his magitech staff in favor of Flapjack isn’t just about finding agency outside of Belos, and it’s not just about having an actual friend. Likewise, training wands do exist, but for Luz in Adventures in the Elements it’s emphasized that she needs to figure out the glyphs anyway, and eventually she can get her staff.

There’s practical Ups and Downs to the glyphs, such as being able to draw them even if you’re missing a staff, likewise staffs can cast magic with far less prep time. But I think the emphasis on Palismen is about cultivating a relationship with the land and people around you; Luz and Hunter can’t have magic without maintaining a relationship with someone else.

Magic is a gift from the Titan, that’s what Luz understands in Adventures in the Elements when she figures out glyphs, it’s what Eda’s trying to understand by shoving moss up her nose, because of what wild witches wrote. Even when Glyphs can be learned from others, witches still commune at the Knee to understand this. And with Palismen, we see that they’re highly intelligent beings, smarter than any animal in real life, if not sapient beings themselves; Owlbert can hold a conversation with Eda, lie on the spot to cover for Luz, gamble with her, etc. Then we have the Bat Queen as further evidence.

Palismen have autonomy, they choose whether to stay or not; Escape of the Palisman goes into these and the aforementioned details, many Palismen leave their witches if they feel mistreated. In Really Small Problems Owlbert is able to go off and have fun for himself, and is allowed to be distracted even when Eda needs him; There is no punishment towards Owlbert for exercising autonomy, and what Eda does should be the standard based on the Bat Queen’s trust.

Perhaps more ‘modern’ witches don’t lend the same freedom, but this is undoubtedly influenced by the culture of the coven regime and its insistence on ‘taming’ wildness. Palismen also don’t respond or awaken, even if carved, until a witch can perform some level of self-examination for them.

Glyphs come from understanding the Titan, and being able to do everything a witch can involves having a Palisman, and those come from the Titan via Palistrom trees that naturally grow. There are Animistic ideas about aspects of the environment having a life of their own, thus they deserve a respect of their own. For Luz, she’s a human coming after Belos, who’s committed colonization and genocide on this world; Hunter is his nephew and human-adjacent enough, struggling with a colonial heritage.

So to truly idealize as witches, they need to cultivate a mutual relationship with the Boiling Isles and its life, that’s why glyphs and Palismen are relevant, that’s why Eda doesn’t settle with a training wand for Luz; She wants Luz to really understand and appreciate the wild nature of magic, or else she could become like Lilith or many who joined the coven, esp in contrast to Belos.

Belos’ magitech staffs demonstrate his industrialism and refusal to cultivate a sustainable relationship with the land, as does his Palismen consumption. Him devouring Palismen is horrific because they’re sapient innocents, and because they’re all taken from loving witches who were either murdered or assimilated, it’s systemic genocide.

And we learn how Palistrom trees are being depleted, and when Hunter suggests a sustainable way to grow Palistrom wood, Belos is furious at the idea. He has no respect for this world and wants it dead, while wanting it to serve him in his entitlement and colonial fantasy.

In particular, Belos’ Palismen consumption leads directly to his curse, which worsens to a point that he needs to possess hosts and devour them from the inside to survive. His parasitic relationship with a natural resource causes him to become a literal parasite. He chooses to devour wantonly and after centuries is finally doomed to only being able to do that, centuries after he should’ve been dead and lacking any choices anyway.

Why must other lives be cut short to extend his life beyond reason, a life that continues to only be destructive? The protagonists could never keep Belos alive if it meant sacrificing innocents, and he gets to a point where he still deteriorates even while using hosts, emerging from Raine in a worse state than he started off in.

Likewise, we don’t know much of the training wand, but it is wielded by Amity, who is the daughter of Blight Industries and its arms manufacturing; It ends up siding with Belos and playing a factor into his genocide, esp during the Day of Unity. Odalia is CEO and her capitalist tendencies are not a coincidence, given the criticism of capitalism as being unsustainable in its pursuit of infinite growth, without questioning where all that growth will somehow keep coming from when the laws of equivalent exchange still exist.

This ‘independent’ form of magic via machines is flawed, because it doesn’t hearken back to the literal and figurative roots of magic itself, or the natural resources it inevitably still pulls from. It’s not anymore ‘advanced’ if not beholden to working with the culture or the land so every party can thrive. It’s not beholden to the people and animals, it’s just destructive in the long run without respect.

But technology isn’t inherently bad or unsustainable either; Alador is the true inventor of Blight Industries and uses his machines to help undo the damage of the coven bindings, and heal the isles alongside his fellow wild witches as a newly-anointed one. He decides he cares about the harm being done by Blight Industries and can still practice his inventions.

Caleb started off as a settler, but his story shows how white people are just as capable —and thus responsible— as the locals in coexisting with a new place, after learning from said local and choosing her over colonial teachings; Celtic pagans exist and seem to be an inspiration for TOH, and the Celts were often white because you guessed it!

White people have also been indigenous, at least at one point in time, they can also have the same relationship with land that PoC do, and it’s not some innate trait exclusive to brown people (which is a racist trope). It’s learned, not “in the DNA.” There’s no excuse not to, you just have to want to learn and open your mind.

Caleb and Evelyn have a mutual relationship that results in a child, who results in the Clawthornes and their own relationship with the isles, esp Dell and Eda. Caleb dies in the pose of the Titan, indicating he understood; At worst he’d only be a little confused, but still have the spirit, because Caleb clearly came from a place of good faith and would always keep improving because of that.

Hunter is a settler’s child and didn’t choose to come here or serve his uncle, but he decides when he’s free and with agency that he wants to continue engaging with this world; So Hunter can choose to give back to this world what his forebearer took. And he works with Dell to do this, who is Caleb’s descendant. Caleb’s woodcarving may have contributed to the Clawthorne tradition of Palisman carving after Flapjack liberated both him and Hunter, they gave back to this world and it comes full circle.

Hunter works with Dell and the Bat Queen to regrow Palistrom and then carve Palismen; He loves a witch who can help grow Palistrom, make the land itself teem with life; Perhaps not coincidentally, Willow’s magic is deemed worthless by the aforementioned Odalia, and the coven system finds Abominations more profitable, likely in the service of how Blight Industries (and later Belos) uses them; By contrast, Amity and Darius wield a more fluid technique and reject this, with Amity having thrived around Willow more and making amends.

For Luz, it’s not enough whether she can practically perform magic via the wand, she needs to understand and respect her host culture. When Eda says Luz needs to earn her staff, it’s less about work for its sake, and more about proving she can respect the rituals and ways of a culture that Luz wants to become a part of, by doing what the locals also do.

Luz needs to prove she can be accepted by her hosts as one of their own, like how she proves to the Titan she is someone he can trust to wield his magic. Luz has to be her own kind of witch against what the coven deems, and because there are some parts of the process she simply can’t do; But she also has to be true to the spirit of the practice… And this culminated in literally embodying the spirit of the Titan.

Palismen as a practice require reflection, and then constantly maintaining that respect and relationship to another being in order to keep using magic. It’s a way of accountability to the Boiling Isles they’re born from and represent, a way to continue repaying the gift of magic that one keeps using. It’s a mutual relationship, it’s sustainability, it’s remembering to give back to the environment so it can keep growing.

Hence, Luz learning to respect Palismen via Owlbert, learning to speak to the Titan like the witches before her. Glyphs are learned from the Titan, and witches can then pass down that magic to others themselves if they choose to, after being convinced to. Some may be insincere and abuse that trust, but this is outweighed by the many friends of Luz’s who benefit and use it for good; Luz still has the right to distribute this knowledge and it’s why the Titan gave it to her then, and affirms it later with his spirit. And even after the Titan’s death and the loss of glyphs, they’re continued anyway via his son King, who shows them to Luz and Eda, witches that learned to respect him and his father.

The fascination in a world goes both ways; The Demon Realm does not exist for human consumption, its people are also very interested in humanity themselves. Eda’s business, Gus founding the HAS, Vee finding her home; Witches and demons have a lot to learn from us, just as we have a lot to learn from them. Luz got her time in the isles, so Thanks to Them was about her friends getting the same with her home after hosting Luz. Camila repays their hospitality to her daughter with her own, and Gus leaves deeply satisfied from the experience.

There’s now a Boiling Isles exchange program, so humans visit the demon realm but vice-versa occurs. So it’s not so simple as humans being settlers again, they give something back to the natives who get to enjoy their world too. Maybe even take each other’s places, as Vee and Luz inadvertently did! With Vee becoming a Noceda.

Sustainability is a theme in The Owl House, with the endangerment of species such as the Selkidomus, the Galdorstones becoming rare artifacts, the depletion of Palistrom, and the extinction of Glyph magic are all things that are combatted; Luz and Eda save the Selkidomus that thrives in the epilogue, Gus and Mattholomule work with the guardian of the Looking Glass Ruins, Dell helps plant more Palistrom with the Bat Queen, and King gifts a new generation of glyphs.

The Archivists and Titan Trappers committed genocide, with the Archivists having the gall to claim to want to keep mortals alive, yet it’s a faux-sustainability where they destroy those who refuse, and their archived existence is hardly a life in and of itself; Instead, it’s a passive existence where mortals exist for the Archivists’ purpose with nothing real in return. King remains as the last of his kind to bring back his people one Titan at a time, and it’s a wild witch like Eda, with her fondness for learning from nature and respecting Palismen, who is entrusted to raise him.

All of this ties into the themes of indigeneity, of sustainability, of appreciating the nature and world around you, of getting your head out of the clouds of fantasy to appreciate the people around you and their practical needs, and work with them too. Working with people, working with the environment, it’s the same idea of mutualism, supporting each other, etc. Be yourself AND be kind to others, they’re mutual not mutually exclusive.

Magic is life, magic is given and shared, it comes from the world around you to pay attention to, and give back to. It’s life and goes on even after death, like relationships and their impact on you. This is what TOH’s magic is, it represents the themes of its story.

[celli-ohs]

hubba hubba!

part two of accidentally in love! series frat boy!yeonjun x stubborn!reader; college!au, one-sided love to lovers! comedy/crack, fluff, angst, smut

ATTENTION: reply/comment for taglist!

15. pretty (written chapter 3.17k)

Your phone dings for what seems like the 20th time tonight, but you’re so annoyed you don’t even go to check. “You’re not going to see?” Yujin gestures to your phone as she sits beside you on the couch. You all are seated in the living room, Rei and Wonyoung also beside you as they decide on what crappy TV show for you four to watch. Tonight was an actual girls' night. After a couple of chaotic “girls' nights” with all the boys, you and the other girls finally pulled the plug on the invitation following some absurd requests. So instead of gathering at your apartment like you all usually did, tonight you opted to stay over at Yujin’s and Wonyoung’s apartment (Liz had gone to see her family in Jeju for a couple of days). You sigh and shake your head, getting up to grab a drink. “No, I’m sure it’s just Yeonjun again.”

“Again? He’s been all over you recently, are you sure he doesn’t like you?” Wonyoung eyes you with a smirk. “Are you really going to have me relive my trauma of being friend-zoned by a frat boy?” You glare at her, opening your soda. “Sorry, it’s just why else would he be commenting on every post you’re in? He has no reason to be lurking.” She proves her point. “Honestly, I’m with Won on this,” Yujin nods. “Not you too, oh my god,” You roll your eyes. “I’m serious! Look I’ve been meaning to tell you this but when you had me model your dress, he seemed like he was really really into you.” Yujin reveals. You’re shocked but then scoff at her. “He’s always like that.” You disagree. “Oh really? So he just happens to constantly compliment you, wink at you, call you pet names? I almost forgot- he hugs you?!”

Both Rei and Wonyoung are flabbergasted at this information. You suddenly feel your face flush, and you begin to feel the pressure. “Uh- I can explain.” You hold up a hand. “You guys touch skin?!” Rei looks disgusted, while Wonyoung is trying to wrap her head around this. “Listen! Listen, okay?!” You hold your hands out, forcing them to quiet down. “He compliments me because he’s trying to show his gratitude. I’ve been doing all the heavy work in class, he said he feels bad so he wants me to know he appreciates it.” You say. “He only winks at me when he’s telling some stupid dad joke, and he only calls me names because he knows I don’t like them.” Yujin rolls her eyes, not believing you. “Okay those are plausible, but that doesn’t explain the hugging.” Wonyoung reminds you.

“Yujin is exaggerating, we only hugged each other goodbye.” You throw your hand to the side. “Just like I do with all of you, my friends!” The three girls look amongst themselves. “Fine, if you want the benefit of the doubt, okay then.” Yujin concedes. “But I know what I saw, and when he comes back crawling to you, I better get a thank you.” She threatens. You cross your arms and just decide to sit back down. “Whatever you say,” You snuggle into her side, giving her a silly smile. She pretends to be angry, but then she begins to laugh, throwing an arm around you. “Sorry, you’re one of my best friends and I just think you deserve to be loved by someone who isn’t afraid or a douche.” She mutters. “I know you’re just looking out for me, I’m grateful.”

“Us too! I want you to be happy and never have to worry about whether or not the person you’re with even likes you,” Wonyoung leans her head against your arm. You sit with a warm smile when Rei suddenly yelps. “Ow! Yujin, Wonyoung elbowed me!” As you and Yujin laugh, Wonyoung spits back. “Say something nice to Y/n you man hater!” Rei groans. “I think that guy is stupid and deserves to get jumped for hurting your feelings,” You eye her cautiously. “But I won’t because you like him.” She concludes. “I don’t like him.” You mutter. “Oh lord, here we go again.” Yujin sighs. “I don’t! We’re friends. I’m not going to fall for a guy who only sees me as a friend.” You laugh. “And when you guys start dating, I’ll be sure to remember that,” Wonyoung teases. “You guys are insuff-”

Your phone suddenly rings, and you clumsily fish it from under your seat on the couch. The contact name has you jumping up. “Go ahead and start the episode, I’ll be right back!” You don’t even look at your friends as you step outside, shutting the front door behind you. “Hello?” You say as soon as you answer the call. “Hey pretty, what’re you doing?” Yeonjun’s voice sounds like butter, and you can’t help but giggle. “Nothing much, just having a girls' night.” You explain quickly. “With Jake?” You swear you hear a twinge of jealousy. “No,” You laugh. “Just me and the actual girls this time. Kicked him out after he wanted to do Scooby Doo masks.” You hear Yeonjun crack up, and you smile to yourself. “Well, I have a question to ask you.”

“Okay, shoot,” You nod. You hear him clear his throat. “Are you busy tomorrow night? Soobin and his girlfriend are having a movie night and they said I could invite someone.” You pause, processing the question. “Are you asking me if I want to go with you?” You double-check, with a tone of cheekiness. “Yeah, I am.” Yeonjun sounds oddly shy. As you lean against the wall, you chuckle. “You couldn’t ask Kai or Beomgyu?” You tease. “Oh God no. Beomgyu’s too pissy to be around, and even if I did want Kai to go, he’s got the closing shift at work.” You hum at his answer. “I see, so I’m just the last resort.” You joke. “No, you were my first option.” Yeonjun shuts you right up. “Oh,” You peep out. He always found a way to surprise you. “So what do you say? Come join me?”

“You’re lucky I broke my non-dominant arm. If it was my right arm, I’d probably be unable to drive you.” Yeonjun chuckles as you two cruise down the street. “That just makes me more nervous.” You joke right back. Once you’d agreed to go with him, he’d offered to pick you up. You hadn’t expected much, but you also didn’t think big bad boy Yeonjun would pull up in front of your apartment complex in a Toyota RAV4, a total mommy car. “Why’re you nervous?” He asks, reminding you where you two were heading. You shrug, lying. “I’m meeting people I’ve never really talked to before,” You give him a small explanation. He nods understandingly. “Yeah, I get it, but I promise they’re all cool.” He reassures you as you two pull into a familiar apartment complex.

“This is where the boys live.” You look out the window, a bit shocked. “Yeah. Jay and the guys live here, on the third floor.” You point out their apartment, its curtains are closed but the windows are still bright, signifying someone is home. “Oh yeah, I think Soobin mentioned his girlfriend lives near them,” Yeonjun mentions. “Maybe I should pop in and say hi,” You mumble to yourself. “No, they might be busy, besides, the others are probably waiting for us,” Yeonjun says. You don’t seem to hear the slight jealousy in his voice. As you guys walk up the stairs, Yeonjun leans into you for a second. You can smell his cologne, it smells inviting. “I forgot to mention: Soobin and his girlfriend are weebs, I think we’re watching some kinda anime movie,” He mumbles. 

You laugh, nudging him in the arm. “No problem, I’m not picky with movies.” He leads you to a certain door and knocks. It bursts open in seconds, and you’re greeted by a tall man wearing the most atrocious Shrek-themed shirt you’ve ever seen. “You guys made it! Come on in!” Soobin ushers you two inside. You and Yeonjun arrive last, entering the bustling apartment. “Make yourselves comfortable. My girlfriend already made popcorn and Jen made pasta if you’re hungry.” Soobin tells you both as you remove your shoes. “Thanks, man,” Yeonjun claps him on the shoulder. “Woah! This is so cool!” You gasp at the screen projected onto the large blank wall in the living room. “Isn’t it? Best financial investment I’ve made with adult money,” Soobin’s girlfriend grins at you as she joins her boyfriend’s side (you notice she's wearing a matching Shrek shirt). 

“Didn’t Keeho steal it from our math teacher in high school after we graduated?” Chaewon interjects from the kitchen. “And I had to pay a heavy fee for him to let me keep it,” Soobin’s girlfriend argues. “Are you hungry?” Yeonjun asks you, secretly placing a hand on the small of your back. “I could go for some snacks,” You nod, letting him lead you to the tiny table. “Oh, let me add more M&Ms,” A girl scurries to the table, opening a fresh bag before she pours it into the bowl. “I’m Kazuha by the way, Chaewon’s girlfriend.” She greets. “Nice to meet you, I’m Y/n.” You smile. “Oh my gosh! Y/n!” A familiar voice calls out and you look behind you. Jen holds out her arms for a hug, and you excitedly run to her. “How’ve you been? You look so good!” She compliments. 

You thank her before a sneaky hand wraps itself around Jen’s waist. “Hey Y/n, how are you?” Keeho smiles. Yeonjun skips over to you, trying to show you the large plate of snacks he’d made. “I’m good, how about you?” You ask. “Not much honestly, just busy with school and ETEN,” Keeho nods, before turning his attention to the man to your left. “Which I need to talk to you about.” He looks and sounds stern as he faces Yeonjun. “Uh, can we do this another time dude? We’re here to have fun, I don’t feel like talking about that right now.” Yeonjun tries to be nice, popping a sour gummy worm into his mouth. “And when were you planning on answering my texts then? You’ve been avoiding all of council for the past month and a half.” Keeho raises a brow.

“You stopped showing up to parties, you have Changbin doing all the work, and you haven’t even spoken to Mark since-” “Okay babe, calm down,” Jen interjects, placing a hand on Keeho’s arm. “Let’s go sit down, you two can talk later.” She pushes him towards the living room, the others are also settling down. As they leave, you turn to Yeonjun with concern. “You’ve been avoiding the frat?” You ask him quietly. He doesn’t meet your eyes, looking embarrassed. “I’ve just been busy,” He shrugs. “With what?” You ask, but Yeonjun preoccupies himself with the gummy worms. You suddenly realize what he’s been busy with all month. “With… me?” You point to yourself. He finally looks at you, and you can’t tell what he’s thinking. 

“Let’s just say I’ve been reevaluating what I’d rather be spending my time doing.” He sends you a wink before taking your arm and leading you to the living room. Soobin and his girlfriend are seated on one end of the couch, Jen and Keeho on the other. Chaewon is cuddling with Kazuha on the bean bag. It’s then you realize what exactly you’ve gotten yourself into: a couples movie night. But before you can react, Yeonjun pulls you down beside him, squishing you two into the sofa chair. Actually, you’re practically on top of him, half sitting on his lap, the other half on the actual seat. You begin to feel hot, and your heart is beating so loud you swear Yeonjun could hear it too. You don’t want to turn to look at him, too embarrassed with how close you two were right now.

“We all can read right?” Soobin asks innocently. “Not Chaewon,” Keeho jokes, and he’s hit in the face with a popcorn kernel. “Ow! I was kidding!” He whines. “Well either way I don’t care, cause there’s no way in hell I'm watching dub,” Soobin says, and he presses play.

Halfway through the movie, you get up to use the bathroom. If you were being honest, you had no idea what was going on. Not because it was spoken in Japanese or because the plot was confusing. It was because you could feel Yeonjun’s… well everything. His heartbeat, his breath, his eyes. It was driving you crazy, you could barely concentrate. You hated yourself for feeling like this, after his rejection you thought you could control, maybe even dissipate your feelings for him. But sitting all cozy on one another in a dark cramped space had you thinking otherwise. Occasionally he’d lean in and whisper in your ear. Usually, he commented something funny about the movie or Soobin’s reactions, but every so often he’d say something that would make the hairs raise. 

“You smell good, what perfume are you wearing?” He says while lightly sniffing your collar, his nose tickling you. “I was going to tell you in the car, but I like your hair tonight.” Yeonjun’s lips ghost over your neck and you get chills. “Feed me a gummy worm, pretty? My arms are full,” He playfully uses his one free hand to squeeze your thigh. You had to excuse yourself before you got too dizzy from all the teasing. After calming down, you tried to mentally prepare yourself for when you return. There's a knock on the door and you pause. “Just a second,” You call out before you open it slightly. You don’t know who you were expecting, but it wasn’t Jen. “Hi, sorry, can I come in real quick?” She asks though she pushes herself inside. 

“Uh, yeah,” You nod. “Here, I’m finished anyway.” You attempt to leave when she catches your hand. “No! I actually wanted to talk to you.” She says, and you close the door again, this time with more concern. “What is it?” You know the others have probably noticed you both are gone now. “I’ll be fast,” Jen promises. “I just felt that you needed to hear this since you and Yeonjun are seeing each other now,” She says and you hold a hand out to stop her. “We’re not, we’re just friends.” You correct her. “Oh sweetie, everyone and their mama can see you guys like each other. Don’t deny it.” She laughs. You feel embarrassed because maybe she was right. “Even if you guys are ‘just friends’, I need to warn you.” She says with air quotes.

“Warn me about what?” You furrow your brows. Jen sighs and leans against the bathroom counter. “Yeonjun and I used to have a… thing last year. Nothing super serious I promise. It was mainly sex.” She begins to say, nonchalantly. “I just feel that as girl to girl, you should know he may seem sweet, but he’s never serious.” Your heart begins to sink. “He does this to every girl, he butters them up, sleeps with them, then ditches them for another one,” Jen says, her words stinging. “Yeonjun used to take me to parties and dates or whatever, but when I didn’t want to sleep with him anymore, he stopped holding up that nice guy act and we went our separate ways.” Jen takes your hands suddenly and you have to fight the urge to pull away. “I know we’re not super close or anything, but you need to know because you deserve to know who he really is.”

Who Yeonjun really is… You swallow thickly and nod. “Thank you, I appreciate it.” You give her a smile. She smiles back, squeezes your hands, and sighs. “We should probably go back,” She mutters, and you two exit, pretending to have never even had a hushed conversation. “You guys okay?” Keeho asks as you and Jen sit back down. Yeonjun holds you so naturally, yet you feel so stiff. “Oh yeah, nothing much,” Jen nods, catching your eye. You turn away quickly. “Feeling okay? You were gone for a while.” Yeonjun whispers. “Yeah, I’m fine, just uh, lady problems,” You lie. You can feel Yeonjun stare at you, trying to figure you out, but you remain fixed on the screen. You can’t even pay attention to the film anymore, you just need to pretend that you are normal. Yeonjun seems to believe you because he nods and leans back into the seat. You both don’t say a word for the rest of the movie.

“Have a good night guys, thanks for coming over.” Soobin’s girlfriend waves goodbye from the front door. “Thanks for having us,” You smile. “Is Soobin going to be okay?” You point to the lanky man who’d latched himself onto his girlfriend as he cried his eyes out into her shoulder. “Oh yeah, every time we watch Your Name he cries. He’ll be fine.” She assures you, petting her boyfriend’s hair as he babbles on and on about the love story. “Just- just- I just love them so much!” He sniffles. “Dude, you’ve got snot all over your face.” Yeonjun snickers. Soobin sadly flips him off. “Alright, take care, see you guys later.” You and Yeonjun finally leave, walking silently side by side down the stairs back to the parking lot. “How’d you like the movie?” Yeonjun asks quietly.

“Good.” You lick your lips nervously. “Kinda confusing, but it was sweet.” Yeonjun chuckles, unlocking the car. You both get in, buckling up. It’s late, there are no cars on the road, which means he could speed through town to get you back home, but Yeonjun seems to take his time. After a few minutes of debating, you finally speak up. “Hey,” You swallow. “Have you been avoiding the frat for me?” You ask. Yeonjun slows the car to a stop at the red light. “Yeah, why?” He turns to you and you guys meet eyes. There’s something in the way he looks at you, his eyes are so gentle that you feel as if you could read him like an open book. Even with all the things Jen told you tonight, you knew now as you looked at Yeonjun under the neon streetlights that whoever she was referring to was not the same guy who sat across from you. This Yeonjun was different.

“Nothing.” You say, still looking at him. “I just don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.” The light turns green, and Yeonjun has to force himself to look away to continue driving. “I’ll talk to the guys.” He sighs. “I’m just focusing on the more important stuff right now.” Your heart begins to flutter. “I’m more important to you?” You can’t even believe what you’re hearing. Yeonjun nods, a smile gracing his lips and you have to physically stop yourself from screaming with happiness. 

“You have no idea how important you are, pretty.”

Bonus:

Some things the guys did to get themselves banned from girls' night: Heeseung begging to play LOL, Sunghoon picking Frozen as the movie, Jake (other than the cursed Scooby Doo masks) getting angry over losing in Monopoly (noise complaints)

Jay did nothing wrong he would cook, let the girls paint his nails/do his makeup, and knew how to give a good massage, it was such a shame to kick him out (they still secretly invite him)

Yeonjun knew it was a couples' movie night, he just conveniently forgot to mention it

Loser Soobin and his gf return! lol I left lots of awooga crumbs in this chapter

previous | next

hubba hubba! masterlist

taglist (open): @justandloyal2961 @hoonatic @emosakumas @ancnymcnzjy

[maryonmega]

Like a heavy blanket

A little feelings buddies moment because they deserve it. And also so I can have Siffrin live one of my fantasies.

The room around you feels cold. Nothing unexpected.

You must have frozen yourself and don't remember. You dreamed of being surrounded by stars. Not on the ground, but up, so high if you didn't know better you could believe they were in your reach.

Back to the stage.

You slice through sadnesses.

You destroy that blinding counter.

You get key after key.

You see visions of your allies.

You reach the King.

Your body feels heavy.

You

You know what comes next.

You would be panting if you could breath.

You wake up in a soft bed. Your throat feels tight.

Clocktower?

No, doesn't smell like the clocktower.

You open your eye. Doesn't look like the clocktower.

You look around.

You're on a large bed between Isa and Mira. Bonnie is clinging to Isa's back for dear life. Odile is sleeping on a sofa just across the room.

Oh, right.

You're in a village. A nice family let you borrow a room. Mira had to insist on them letting your group help around the house as thank you.

And, you were high in the air yesterday. On Isa's back.

It still feels surreal.

Well, it was just a dream! You can go back to sleep! You're so tired, it's gonna be easy.

...

You can't sleep.

Stars, you can't have one easy thing.

You climb out of bed, and slip out of the room, careful to not wake up your bedmates. You're soon out of the house and into their yard. It's cold, but at least this time it's physical. It's not very cloudy. You can see stars.

Despite everything, this is something the loops did not take away from you.

You take deep breaths of the late summer air. It's been a week and a half. It's colder. Time is passing. Why do you still need reminders?

"Still up?"

You need to hold the impulse to jump at Mira's voice. You turn to face her. Still in her sleep clothes and looking tired. Did you wake her up?

"You're up, too."

"Someone got out of bed."

You did.

"Bad dream again. Was facing the King alone."

"Siffrin..."

"It was as if, those past days had been a dream..."

You, can't face her.

She gets closer and stands beside you. You don't mind, but...

"Which is stupid. It's been over a week already! I know the loops are over! Why it's like I don't really get it?"

You feel her take your hand.

"Siffrin, I, uhn..." You look at your joined hands. Her small but calloused hand is grounding "I don't think I really understand, I never got stuck in a time loop, but, I, kind of do?"

Hum?

You finally face her. She's looking away, but in a thoughtful way.

"I mean, I, might feel similar about the King? And the curse?"

!!!

"He's frozen and harmless now, and Vaugard is moving again, and I get to spend more time with all of you! But..." She gives you an awkward smile "I sometimes feel like, it's too good to be true? Too much good stuff happening? Like something bad will have to happen because it's too much good at once? Or, like stopping the King was too easy so there's gotta be catch?"

Hum!

"I had no idea!"

"I know." She's the one looking at your hands, now "Not the most honest feelings buddy."

Oh, no! None of that!

You put your other hand on top of Mira's.

"But you said it now! And... And it does help, to know it's not just me." You rub her hand. This is nice, so nice. You hope it's nice to her, too "Does it help to know it's not just you?"

She smiles, a real one, and nods.

"It does. Thank you for telling me."

Stars, you could bask on her presence forever.

"Good, then!"

You open your arms.

"Can we?"

Mira doesn't hesitate and all but scoop you up. It was, so easy to forget she's strong too. You hug back, feel the softness of her curvy body against yours.

Your mind drifts. You look at her arms. Her smooth arms. Earlier? Yesterday? Hours ago, they weren't smooth at all. And Odile got it all. And didn't even get to appreciate it, too focused on not panicking on top of the lovely housemaiden...

"Can-" oops! Almost slipped!

"Can what, Siffrin?" Oops! Too late anyway!

"Nevermind, it's nothing."

She let's go of the hug to hold your shoulders. The look on her eyes is, not angry, but you know she's putting her foot down.

"No, you started, now finish."

No choice now. Live with the consequences!

"I thought if, uhn, we could, hug, while you're on your dragon form? You don't have to! It's silly! I just, thought back and you looked soft, and-!"

Stop embarrassing yourself!

Mira makes a noise and lets go of your shoulders. You messed up you messed up you-

"Ah, sure!"

What?

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course!" The awkward smile comes back, her hands clasped in front of her chest "I just, don't usually hear that. But, I'm glad, really! That despite not knowing before you don't think I'm scary."

Even if the dragon form itself was scary, you don't think you would be scared knowing it's your friend Mirabelle.

"Just one moment..."

She takes a few steps away.

You watch her form shift.

She’s big, but not the type of behemoth you would see in a book. Her head is about twice the size of a horse’s without the feathers, and the rest is proportional.

She raises a wing.

You raise a hand towards it, and stop.

“Is- Is this fine?”

Mira nods. Still takes psyching up, but you touch her wing.

Up close, you can see that she’s covered in feathers, in a variety of sizes. You run your hand over one easily the lenght from your shoulder to your fingertips, and see that the base have some not bigger than your thumb. There’s smaller ones coating her body, too. Making her look fluffy.

She’s not scary.

“You’re beautiful.”

You hug her neck, and she curls around you, her wing over you, heavy, yet gentle. Her snout touches your back and you lean into the touch.

She's as fluffy as she looks. You can feel even smaller feathers on her neck. A sharp contrast to the scaly feeling snout. It's not bad. Shows you that's still a living being. Still your friend.

She's so warm, too. Like a heavy blanket near a fireplace.

You sink your face into her feathers and inhale. Smell fruity.

"Thank you, Mira."

She rubs her face on you again, and you can't help but smile.

You don't think I've felt safer in a very, very long time.

You close your eye and just take in the feeling.

When you open it again, you're being carried back to bed.

[meep-moops-stuff]

Safe and Sound - Sidney Crosby x Reader

Y/n stepped out the lecture hall feeling a lot lighter than the previous night. She had finally completed her exam, and now she could focus on other projects for school. She walked to her car, the breeze heavy for an autumn day in Pittsburgh, with no sun and clouds. She turned her phone back on and got all the messages; some from her friends, some from a group chat, but there was on from Sidney.

“Good luck on your exam! Text me afterwards, I want to know how it went :)”

Y/n smiled as she stared at his text, not knowing how to reply.

She had never been asked these kinds of questions before, maybe from some past classmates after a cruel exam, but never from someone like Sidney.

She sat in her car, setting her backpack down on her passenger seat and shutting her car door.

Her fingers hovered over the letters, trying to think of what to say back.

“It’s over. I thought I did pretty well, thanks for asking”

She hit send and started her car, cranking the heat up.

Her phone buzzed.

“I’m glad it’s over! You studied so hard I bet you are going to get a good grade. We can talk on the phone later? I have some exciting news as well :)”

Y/n froze. Exciting news? From Sidney Crosby?

She started to panic. She put her phone away and pulled out of her parking spot.

Her mind was racing, a million different thoughts running through her brain. Ever since she met Sidney and he has taken her under his wing, his version of exciting news is different than hers.

To her, exciting news was getting a bonus on her paycheck or realizing she had enough money for gas in her bank account when she thought she did not.

To Sidney, exciting news was getting his 500th goal or getting to 1000 points, or getting a new suite made for his pregame walk into the arena.

Her thoughts consumed her entire drive back to her apartment. She pulled into her parking lot, grabbing her bag and shutting her car door shut.

Y/n unlocked her door, walking into the warmth and vanilla scented sanctuary.

She placed her bag down on the ground and within seconds, her phone was ringing.

It was him.

She took a deep breath and answered.

“How’s my girl doing?” Sidney said warmly.

Y/n’s heart fluttered at the nickname; his girl.

“Hi Sidney” she mumbled, playing with her sleeves.

“You finished the exam? How did it go?”

Y/n smiled as she moved into her kitchen.

“It was long and not as hard. I’m glad I studied and…”

She trailed off, searching for the right words.

“…I’m glad you had me take the break last night, I really appreciate it.” She murmured.

“I’m glad the break worked. You deserved it” Sidney said.

There was silence on the phone and y/n broke it.

“So you had some good news?”

Sidney cleared his throat, “yes! I do. Remember how I mentioned the night of assists last night? Well the schedule is set and it’s the beginning of February, and I’m bringing you along”

Silence. Y/n froze in place, putting her glass of water down.

“Me? The charity event? I thought that was for significant others and not random people-“

“Y/n. Stop it. You are not a random person in my life. You are family now. And, they changed the rules this year. We are able to bring family members that are not significant others. So I’m bringing you.”

Y/n sighed out, not in a frustrated way but more in a nervous way.

“I know it’s early and only December, but I wanted to let you know ahead of time so you can think about it. It is ok if you do not want to come, but I would love to have you there. I know Geno and you need to catch up on making fun of me, and you and Tanger need to catch up on the ridiculous reality tv shows that you watch.”

Y/n giggled. She moved to her bedroom and sat on her bed.

“I do want to come I’m just nervous is all. I don’t even know what to wear or what to-“

“Sweetheart, you have nothing to be nervous about. I’ll arrange to have a stylist choose your outfit so you have nothing to worry about.”

A stylist??? She didn’t have the money for that.

“Sid I don’t have the money for a stylist..”

Sidney chuckled on the other end, but it was a soft one.

“Oh baby girl you don’t have to pay for it. It’s on me.”

Y/n sighed, “Oh ok I’m sorry I just thought…”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, y/n. I think it’s so cute you were worried about having to pay for it, but it’s on me and you do not have to worry about a thing for this, ok? Let me take care of you.”

She picked at the loose thread on her blanket, and nodded.

“Ok, Sidney. I’ll let you handle it. Thank you” she said shyly.

“I’m glad that is settled. I’ll send you information on the stylist later this week. I gotta go to practice now, ok? I’ll text you afterwards.”

Y/n smiled as she continued to play with the loose thread.

“Ok. Have fun at practice.” She said.

“I will. But if you need anything, call or text me. If I don’t answer, call Tanger.”

She chuckled, “I don’t even have his phone num-“

She was cut off by a buzz, and Sidney had sent her his contact, labeled “Tanger”

“Now you do” Sidney said cheekily.

Y/n rolled her eyes and they said their goodbyes and hung up.

She placed her phone beside her on the bed and hugged her knees to her chest.

This was completely crazy; the she was invited to the Night of Assists with the Pittsburgh Penguins and would be going with Sidney Crosby.

[lillaydee]

A New Life

Jackson! Joel Miller / OFC

Starting a new life with each other in Jackson seemed to be going well, until it didn't.

Word Count: 15,272

Just one more story that I am uploading for practice purposes - I have many, many completed stories to upload, but am not that used to Tumblr yet, so it will take time to upload all of them - I'm not sure I will actually upload all of them, even. Right now, I'm just uploading the shorter ones for practice - just until I get used to the site. I will continue uploading the two series I have started uploading every other day - using those to practice scheduling stuff on Tumblr.

This fic also contains the very first smut I've ever written. I'm notoriously bad at it - I blush when I type smut out, so I apologize in advance if the smut is not smutting.

Thank you for those who have chosen to read my little mind worms. I appreciate you so much - there are no words.

WARNINGS: Mentions of Sexual Assault, Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, Communication Failure, Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Angst, Fluff, Non-Smutting Smut, Happy Ending.

They decided to tell Ellie the truth. To say she was infuriated was an understatement, remaining silent throughout the journey back to Jackson. When they walked into the now familiar house. Ellie ran straight upstairs, the aggressive slamming of the door rattling the house, maybe for real, or maybe Joel and Madeleine were too in their heads when it came to the teenager’s wrath at them. Maybe they even deserved it. The two looked at each other, resigned to the teenager’s inevitable mood for the foreseeable future.

“You want to take the master?” Joel asked.

“No, I’ll take the room down here”, Maddie replied.

With that, Joel and Maddie went their separate ways to their respective rooms, closing the doors behind them.

Maddie was bone tired. Funny how the fatigue just set in when your body realized you had finally arrived, safe and sound. She didn’t even bother showering before throwing herself onto the dusty bed. Fuck it, she thought. She slept in the dirt for months. A night or two on a dusty bed wouldn’t hurt her. It seemed Joel and Ellie had the same idea, no sounds of plumbing or running water to be heard. It was sundown, but they could all use the rest. Who cared if they slept for 12 hours? After what they had just been through, they deserved it.

But try as she might, Maddie couldn’t sleep. The room felt suffocating. After almost a year of sleeping out in the open, this felt claustrophobic. Like she was sleeping in a room-sized coffin, but a coffin, nonetheless. She also had gotten used to having Joel and Ellie next to her when sleeping. Now that she was alone, it just felt unsafe, despite the obvious opposite. She tossed and turned, trying to calm her mind enough for sleep to take hold, but her mind kept replaying what happened over the last few days.

How the whole thing didn’t make sense to her, even on the surface. The dilapidated hospital, the lack of staff and resources, the ambitious nature of it all despite the lack of proper procedure and expertise. How could one doctor and two nurses create a cure in these conditions? So, when the doctor confirmed her biggest fear, she reacted. And it seemed Joel found out too, considering he mowed through the entire hospital to get to them. By the time they got out of there, the only people left alive were the three medical professionals, locked in the threadbare operating theatre.

But Ellie couldn’t see it from their point of view, going on and on about how her life was now without purpose, how she could’ve died for something meaningful, how they took that choice away from her. Maddie and Joel kept quiet. They let her say her peace and hoped that one day she would understand how important she had become to them both.

A glance at the clock showed it was nearing midnight. This was getting ridiculous now. Her body was protesting its own indecisiveness. So tired, but too restless and her head too full to sleep. Deciding that rest was vital before she lost her mind, she picked up her pillow and blanket, and went into the living room. Maybe a bigger space will help her breathe easier, and hopefully sleep would claim her. Laying the blanket on the floor, she laid down, looking around the room in the dark. This would be home from now on. She just needed a few days to get used to it, she was sure of it.

Not that time ever made her feel like any place was home anyway. She had spent close to 15 years at the QZ working as a nurse at the FEDRA hospital. But she had never felt at home there, and the fact that she had never agreed with their policies didn’t help. She helped Tess and Joel whenever she could, getting them what they needed from the hospital, helping them make connections so that they could get out when they needed to, keeping a lookout for them, and in return, they helped protect her. But when she was found out, the officer wanted a bribe. Instead of turning her in, maybe he could turn a blind eye, if she would open her legs for him whenever he wanted. When she resisted, he assaulted her, the physical assaults leaving her face black and blue and bloody, eyes so swollen she couldn’t open them properly, the sexual assaults leaving her bleeding, unable to walk for days. She couldn’t leave her apartment for a whole week, and when Tess and Joel found her, they smuggled her out to live with Bill and Frank. For five years, she helped nurse Frank, before finding them in each other’s arms, a goodbye note and a set of instructions on the dining table.

When Joel and Ellie arrived, she decided to go with them, and the rest was history.

A small thud from a pillow thrown next to her own jolted her from her thoughts, Joel standing over her. It seemed he couldn’t sleep either. He laid down next to her, threw his blanket over them both, and now there were two of them unable to sleep instead of one. Their bodies so weary they couldn’t even find the energy to talk, but the unease in their hearts wouldn’t allow them to sleep. After about an hour of them just lying there staring at the ceiling, the stairs creaked. Ellie joined them, lying on Maddie’s other side. Maddie pulled her closer, and covered her with the blanket too, Joel shuffling closer to her on her right.

Within minutes, all three of them were sound asleep.

***

Madeleine spent the next week scrubbing the house top to bottom, Joel fixing whatever needed fixing. Ellie still hadn’t spoken to either of them, spending her time in the backyard cleaning it up. Maria had come by, setting the three of them up with basic needs to start their new life, and jobs for them to contribute. Maddie, obviously, would be helping Dr Marcus Adams at the big house in the center of town used as the clinic. Joel was set up with some constructing duties, as well as patrol, and Ellie was asked to help at the stable after school.

A couple weeks in, the three of them had somewhat settled into a routine. Although Ellie was still obviously extremely angry with the both of them, she stayed close, not knowing anyone in town apart from them. A month in, she had started to make friends, and her silence was replaced by some mumblings letting Joel or Maddie know where she was headed to before storming off, followed by the obligatory slamming of the door. At this point Joel or Maddie had gotten used to her tantrums, both silently agreeing that this was better than her lying dead on that operating table. Joel even made a joke that he should scavenge for new doors just in case she managed to shatter one with all the slamming.

And then there’s the two of them. Their day-to-day life, preparing meals together, doing household chores, dealing with Ellie’s tantrums, felt so right, so normal, that it wasn’t hard to convince herself the three of them were a family. They had breakfast together every day, Ellie storming off as soon as she finished. Joel and Maddie would then follow suit, walking a distance behind her, making sure she arrived at the school safely. Joel would then walk her to the clinic and go to work. After lunch at the mess hall, Maddie would watch from afar to make sure Ellie got to the stable alright, not wanting to suffocate the angry teenager. Joel would then pick her up from work in the evenings, and both of them would wait for Ellie to finish at the stable a distance away before following her home, again, from a distance.

As unconventional as their days as a family were, this was their new normal. They liked it, even Ellie, not that she would ever admit that. It was as if they were her parents. To Maddie, this new routine was as domestic as she had ever felt, and before she knew it, she was seeing Joel in a different light, wondering what it would be like if they were a couple, and if he felt the same for her. But Joel had never shown her any interest beyond the normal protective man that they knew him to be.

Just as he had given a sense of safety and familiarity to Maddie and Ellie, they were also those things to him. And he would be lying if he were to say that Maddie was just someone he had travelled with. But she was a victim of sexual assault, and he wasn’t willing to scare her off by telling her how he felt. So, he took what he could get, and lived his life with her, hoping that she felt the same way, and that they would be together one day. He was comfortable with her, she was familiar, he felt like he could be himself with her.

Things went this way for a while. Over time, Ellie’s anger seemed to dissipate slightly, and she was beginning to talk to Maddie and Joel when the need arose. But being a teenager, she began spending more time with her friends, and wanted her own space. Eventually, she stopped sleeping downstairs, leaving Joel and Maddie alone, both of them still needing the familiarity of each other’s company to rest.

About three months in, Maddie woke up to Joel spooning her, his arms wrapped around her. She sighed contentedly, feeling happier and more rested than she had ever felt. When Joel awoke, he seemed flustered, mumbling his apologies, covering his crotch with the blankets before going upstairs to get ready for the day. For the rest of that week, Joel and Maddie woke up in each other’s arms, but never took it further. Both of them were convinced that the cuddling was accidental, just an unconscious move one of them made in the night. But the domesticity between them increased, standing nearer to each other, letting their shoulders touch when cooking or walking next to each other, fingers brushing against one another, shy smiles exchanged all the time. Ellie noticed, her eyes rolling, but she smirked softly with approval every time the two made eye contact before looking away pink-cheeked and embarrassed.

That day, after dropping Ellie off, Joel asked Maddie if she would go to the Tipsy Bison for a drink with him that night, just the two of them. Joel’s smile was so wide his eyes disappeared, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, his heart close to bursting when she shyly said yes. They continued walking slowly towards the clinic, hands brushing against each other in the process. Joel was having a discussion with himself in his head on whether or not to kiss her on the cheek upon dropping her off at the clinic, when a group of men went running past them towards the clinic, carrying a very bloody man. Maddie looked at Joel, who nodded. She said a quick goodbye before running to the clinic to help.

The rest of that day went by with a blur. The patient had tried to fix his malfunctioning fridge when it shocked him, and his violently seizing body caused it to topple over and crush him. His injuries were severe, and Maddie and Marcus never left his side, staying at the clinic for the next three nights before he stabilized, taking turns sleeping for an hour each at the studio apartment above the clinic.

When Maddie went home days later, Joel was not in the living room sleeping. He had gone upstairs to his own room. Maddie slept in her own room for the first time that night, exhaustion taking her to dreamland within minutes. When she woke up the next day, having slept in later than she normally would, Joel had gone on patrol.

Dinner that night was quieter than usual, Joel exhausted from his long day, Maddie too. Ellie was just rushing through dinner to go to movie night. After they cleaned up, Joel put his jacket on and told Maddie he was going out for a drink before closing the door behind him. Maddie was dumbfounded. What happened to going to the Tipsy Bison together? Did he want her to go with him? Did he ask her, but she didn’t hear? She decided she was going anyway. It was weird to go this long without him.

When she got to the Bison, she searched the room for him or Tommy. She found him almost immediately, sitting at the bar, a drink in his hand, chatting with someone she couldn’t see, his back to her. She walked over, eager to join him, when the crowd parted. He was sitting next to a beautiful redhead, who was animatedly telling him a story. She looked young, probably in her mid-twenties. She was textbook beautiful, with her perfect face and her perfect body in a beautiful wrap dress. Maddie looked at her own reflection in the mirror behind the bar, feeling like she looked at least fifty, and not the mid-forties that she really was, her clothes plain and baggy, hiding her less than perfect body, full of scars from their long journey together. He laughed at her jokes, looking like he’s having a hell of a time. Maddie shook the shock away, walking forward again, when the redhead wrapped her arm around his free hand, and placed her head on his shoulder. Maddie got closer and called his name.

Joel and the redhead turned, Joel quickly pulling his hand away from her hold. The redhead looked her up and down and smiled.

“You must be Madeleine, you’re Joel’s roommate, right?” she asked, her charming smile making Maddie feel like a frumpy old lady.

Joel cleared his throat. “Maddie, this is Vanessa, my patrol partner.”

***

Maddie forced a smile on her face and said hi to Vanessa. Joel pulled the chair on his other side and asked her to join them. But Maddie felt like she was interrupting. She now felt sure that he did not in fact ask her to join him before he left the house. He wanted to be alone with her. And now he was inviting her to join them because he felt bad, or felt he had to. Maddie felt hot all of a sudden, her face flushed with embarrassment. She mumbled some incoherent half-assed excuse about needing to get up early and turned to go home. She heard Joel call after her, but she was too mortified with the realization that she had made up his affection for her in her head that she just bolted. She ran face first into Tommy who asked her to slow down, but she didn’t. She needed to get out of there as soon as she could.

Fuck. What was she thinking? Why the hell would he want to be with some middle-aged old maid such as herself when he could get a Vanessa? Young, beautiful, sexy, sex-on-a-leg Vanessa? Those perky boobs of hers that were close to spilling out of her dress probably didn’t even need bras. Maddie couldn’t get her own boobs to look that perky with the best push up available. He may be in his fifties, but Joel was a good-looking guy, and Maddie had not missed the way the ladies in Jackson giving him fuck-me eyes on the daily. He had always been oblivious to this phenomenon, and Maddie stupidly thought it was because he only cared for her attention, but clearly, she was wrong. Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT! How was she supposed to look him in the eyes again?

When she got home, she went straight to her room, not bothering to turn the lights on. Sleep evaded her, her heart hammering away, but the embarrassment she felt earlier was now replaced with something she could not identify. She had never felt like this before. Her heart felt… heavy. The weight of it pressing down on her as she laid on her bed. She turned sideways to ease it, it worked for a while, but returned a few minutes later. After what felt like hours, she heard the front door open, and Joel’s familiar heavy footsteps walked in, the sounds coming closer and closer before stopping at her door. She saw the shadows of his feet in the sliver of light under the door from her dark room. She could hear his hand touching the door handle, but after what felt like hours, she heard him huff a long breath before retreating and going up to his own room. Maddie let go of the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. She turned one final time, letting the heaviness play with her mind until sleep took her.

The next morning, Maddie practically shoved food down Ellie’s throat in order to whisk her away to school as soon as possible, terrified of running into Joel. Ellie pushed her hand away, grumbling what her problem was. As they were leaving, she heard Joel’s door open. Maddie grabbed Ellie by the collar and pulled her out the door, literally jogging away from the door. She heard the door open, and Joel’s voice call for them, Ellie stopping to wait for Joel, but Maddie kept pulling.

“What is going on with you? Why are we running from Joel?” she asked.

Before Maddie could answer, Vanessa appeared out of nowhere, colliding with her, the force of it pushing both of them on the ground, Maddie literally eating dirt. Joel ran up, helping Vanessa up, checking she was alright before turning to Maddie, whose lips were now bleeding from her face plant. Joel looked concerned, hand coming up to her face, but before he could do anything, Vanessa piped up,

“I was just on my way to get you. We need to leave now. The patrol from last night didn’t return. I was going to go get Tommy next,” she said, her voice urgent.

Maddie wiped the blood on her lips while Ellie helped her up. Joel looked at her, her lips sans blood now. Maddie said something about being late for work and turned around, pulling Ellie with her. Ellie kept quiet after that, somehow reading that any comments on what just happened wouldn’t be welcomed, especially the fact that Joel helped Vanessa up before her. Maddie felt childish, as if she was reading too much into this. He had reached Vanessa first, so it made sense that he helped her first, right? Of course he would’ve helped her too. Of course he would’ve. He would’ve. He definitely would’ve.

When she got to the clinic, Marcus, who was fast becoming her best friend from all the time they spent alone at the clinic, was already there. He turned to greet her, only for his face to morph into concern at her swollen lips, now bleeding again. He forced her to take a seat, despite her protests, fussing with swabs and ointments to make sure she didn’t need stitches. He gently pried her lips open, looking at them with a small torch, dabbing lightly to see if the bleeding could stop on its own, his left hand holding her cheek.

Someone cleared their throat. The two looked up to see Joel standing in the doorway, his face like thunder. He said something about not knowing what time he would be home that day, and to make sure Ellie got home on time, before abruptly turning around and leaving, the door slammed harder than it should behind him. Marcus looked bewildered for a second, before declaring she didn’t need stitches, but dabbing some ointment on her lips anyway, just to be safe.

When both batches of patrol came back that evening, Maddie was relieved to see Joel unscathed, just tired looking, Vanessa riding next to him, looking like some badass chick coming home from a victorious battle, her red hair looking perfect as ever, an easy smile on her face, which was gazing adoringly at Joel. A few riders from last night’s patrol were injured, so Marcus called Maddie to give him a hand. She felt Joel’s eyes on her but did not dare look. She focused on cleaning the injuries and then preparing the trays and equipment to stitch up the wounds, her and Marcus working well together, fast and efficient.

After what felt like a thousand hours, Maddie was looking forward to going home, taking a shower, having a quick dinner and just sleeping the rest of the night away. She was walking towards the stables to get Ellie, stomach rumbling, when someone called her name. It was Vanessa, running slightly to catch up with her.

“Hey Maddie? I just wanted to say sorry for running into you like that this morning. I was in a hurry and didn’t see you. Are you alright?”

Maddie nodded, so not in the mood to feel inferior right now, and Vanessa just brought that out of her. Vanessa continued almost immediately after the nod,

“Hey, just wondering. You and Joel, you guys are not together, right? He said you were just roommates?”

Maddie felt like her heart was in her throat. She was convinced that if she opened her mouth to answer her heart would fall out. So instead, she shook her head. After all, that’s what she was. She was the woman living in the same house as he, in different rooms in fact. They were roommates. He was her roommate, one she was heavily crushing on, a one-sided imaginary feel-fest starring only her.

“Oh, good. So, you don’t mind that we’re seeing each other, right? It’s just, we spend so much time together and I think we both feel this connection you know? It was just a matter of time. We work well together. But I just thought I should talk to you about it, you know, woman to woman?” she said, her eyes dreamy.

“Isn’t he too old for you?” Maddie said before she could stop herself. Vanessa just scoffed.

“If that’s what old looks like, I guess I have a thing for older men. Plus, he’s not old where it counts, you know what I mean? That man can make me purr, let me tell you that!” she said, giving a cheeky wink before walking away.

Maddie stopped in front of the stable, her legs heavier than lead, her head full of what just happened. So, Joel had a girlfriend now? She couldn’t comprehend it, just a week ago he was flirting with her and asking her out for drinks, and cuddling with her, and now he had a girlfriend?

Maddie heard her name again, this time in Joel’s low tone. It seemed he had the same idea to walk Ellie home from the stable now that he was home earlier than expected.

“What did Vanessa want?” he asked her, his head low, eyes fixed on his feet.

“Nothing,” Maddie said, a little too quickly. “You can walk Ellie home, right? I think I’m gonna go home first.”

“Wait,” he said, his hand wrapped gently around her clenched hand. “I made dinner. Let’s have dinner together? Like we always did? I have something to talk to you about,” he said, his face hopeful.

Maddie so badly wanted to say yes, she had missed him. Missed having a good meal with him and Ellie. But Vanessa’s words were fresh in her mind, and if he was just going to tell her the same thing, she didn’t want to hear it. She got it. He had a girlfriend. All his affections were in her head.

“Actually Joel, I’m not hungry. I’m really tired. I’ll see you around,” she said instead, walking away, prying her hand from his gentle grasp, dying to get away from him before the grumbling in her tummy got loud enough to betray her.

Maddie went to bed with a piece of bread, lying in bed in the dark, willing herself not to cry. The heaviness in her chest was back. What was going on? What was this feeling? Shit. She just wanted it to go away.

After he and Ellie had dinner, Joel went to Maddie’s door, raising his hand to knock, desperate to talk to her. But he couldn’t pretend he didn’t hear her word choice – that she will see him ‘around’ instead of ‘at home'. Deciding not to bother her, he went upstairs and willed himself to sleep.

The next day, while she was mopping the floors in the clinic, Vanessa showed up. Maddie almost sighed out loud in exasperation. She kept popping up on her, like a Jack-in-a-Box, but a really annoyingly beautiful one. Instead, she composed herself and forced a fake smile on her face. Vanessa came up to her, a cheeky look on her face,

“Hey Maddie… so… Joel and I are going on a date tonight, and… well… I live with five other girls you know, and Ellie will be spending the night at Dina’s. I was wondering if you could do me a solid and make yourself scarce for the evening? So, we can have some alone time? Help a girl out?” she begged, a desperate look on her face.

Maddie just stared for a while. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she didn’t want to seem like a scorned woman, so she just smiled and nodded, before picking up the mop bucket and walking to the back room. She heard Vanessa’s delighted “thank you!” behind her, shut the door to the back room, sat down, and buried her face in her hands, the tears flowing freely.

As she laid in the twin bed in the studio apartment above the clinic that night, she couldn’t get the images of Joel and Vanessa together out of her imagination. She didn’t even go home for a change of clothes, worried that if she ran into him, she would turn to stone. She kept picturing them naked, their bodies entwined, their lips locked, their moans loud and echoey throughout the empty house. She hated the fact that she didn’t tell him how she felt earlier, and now it was too late. She cried herself to sleep that night, fully dressed.

The next morning, she was shaken awake by a worried Marcus, who had noticed that the apartment lights were on and went up there, thinking he forgot to switch them off. He asked her what happened, but she was too ashamed to tell him, choosing instead to tell him she was too tired to walk home. He obviously didn’t believe her but chose not to press further. Instead, he waited for her to wash her face, and asked her to go to the mess hall for some breakfast instead. He needed to open the clinic, but a hungry nurse won’t do him any good, he said, pinching her on the chin, making her laugh.

When they walked down together, Marcus’s comforting hand on her shoulder, they came face to face with Joel, who stopped walking, his face the picture of devastation at the sight he was seeing. Maddie wanted to be offended, clocking what he must have thought of the sight. How dare he, when he was the one going on dates and bringing the perfect specimen of a woman home. She was about to express her annoyance, but a very chirpy Vanessa came running, pulling him away, whispering in his ear, before turning around and smiling cheekily at Maddie, winking conspiratorially at her, giving her a thumbs up, as if doing her the biggest favor. Joel kept looking back at the two of them, his face disbelieving, looking crestfallen. Maddie felt her heart clench. She realized that instead of anger, his face just looked so sad. She wanted to go after him and ask him what was wrong, but a flustered looking mother came running to the clinic, her child in her arms who was obviously having difficulty breathing.

So, Maddie put her nurse game face on, and took the child from his mother, and brought him inside for treatment.

***

Joel didn’t sleep at home for almost a week after that day. He would walk Ellie home from the stable in the evenings, made sure she had dinner, and left as soon as Maddie got home. He got home before dawn broke, got ready for his day, and let Maddie handle Ellie in the mornings, preferring to leave for the stables without having to bump into her. Maddie made sure Ellie was never alone at night but chose to sleep at the apartment if Joel was home for the night, deciding that she would rather sew her own ears shut than hear Joel and Vanessa going at it, making sure she was out of the house before she came for the night. She got home a little earlier than expected one day and could hear his moans and groans upstairs and ran out of the house like her life depended on it before she could hear her too. Never again, she thought. Her heart couldn’t take it. Ellie was spending more and more weekends sleeping over at her friends’ places, so Maddie was the only obstacle for the happy couple’s privacy. Maddie did wonder where the two spent their nights when they were not at this house. Vanessa made it clear she had roommates, so they must have found some sort of a sex port somewhere.

Maria came to talk to her one day, asking her if she and Joel were having problems, considering they had not been seen together for a couple of weeks. They were virtually inseparable during the first three months in Jackson, and suddenly it was as if they were strangers. Maria told her she was shocked to hear that Joel was with Vanessa – she had always thought that he and Maddie would end up together. Even Tommy was shocked, but of course, no one dared say anything to the grumpy man, for he was even more stubborn than he was grumpy.

As much as Maddie wanted to own up to her feelings and frustrations, she didn’t want Maria and Tommy blabbing to Joel. If he was happy with Vanessa, then she would like to be happy for him, as much as it was killing her inside. So, Maddie tried to keep the peace. She and Joel simply coexisted, avoiding each other like a dance, while making sure Ellie was taken care of.

But Ellie, oh Ellie. That girl had completely become a typical teenager, always angry, always moody, not that she wasn’t already. Despite letting Joel and Maddie walk her to school and back home daily, she made it quite clear that she was still angry at them for what happened at the hospital, using that as an excuse as to why they didn’t have the right to tell her what she could and couldn’t do, since they had taken her choice away from her. She could sense the unease between the two parental figures, and she was acting out. Maddie caught her smoking once, and when she tried to tell her it was not good for her, she stomped off, yelling that she was not her mother so please fuck off! Joel wasn’t faring any better with her either. He caught her sneaking out late one night, and when confronted, she screamed that he was not her father, and it was not like he was such a good role model, he couldn’t even keep his family together.

So, Maddie and Joel had a sit down, and decided they needed to get their shit together, and work together for Ellie’s sake. They came to an agreement that they needed to stay together, just until Ellie fully settled, so that she didn’t feel alone or left out. Family meals were no longer negotiable, even if no one was talking. Also, no one would be having sleepovers, at home or otherwise for a while, just to get their bearings back. Ellie needed stability, and having every other parental figure out of the house every other night was not helping, neither was her sleeping in different places every weekend. And for Joel and Maddie – whatever they had going on outside of the three of them, stayed out of the house. So, Maddie made it a point to never mention Vanessa to him, and he did the same. They were civil to one another, keeping up appearances for her sake, but when Ellie went to bed, both of them quietly retreated to their own rooms, neither talking to each other, each missing longing looks they each gave the other.

Slowly but surely, their efforts started showing results. Ellie started calming down, making the effort to spend more time with Joel and Maddie, going to movie nights with them, even helping them prepare meals and tending the garden in the backyard, doing her chores, and although she still had her temper tantrums every now and again, she was generally more relaxed, and a lot more cooperative. Everything seemed to be going well. The three of them getting along, their school and work life going great.

Every time Maddie saw Vanessa around town, she was always surrounded by ladies her age – her roommates, Maddie assumed. Vanessa always gave her a sad smile, and her friends would stare at her, annoyance and disgust clear on their faces, before rubbing their hands on Vanessa’s back and walking away as a group. Joel had taken to glaring at Marcus whenever the doc was around, although for the life of her Maddie couldn’t figure out why. But they had agreed not to talk about anything non-related to the three of them, so she kept quiet.

About two months after the new arrangement began, Maddie was taking inventory at the clinic when Vanessa walked in, arms full of medical supplies they had found from that day’s scavenging trip. Maddie thanked her, and immediately began checking the items for leaks and expiry dates.

“So, how’s Ellie doing these days?” Vanessa asked.

“Joel didn’t tell you? She’s doing much better. It’s sweet of you to ask.”

“That’s so great! I am so happy for you guys,” she said. “So, now that Ellie’s doing much better, are you looking for other places to live?”

“Why would I be doing that?” Maddie asked back, genuinely confused at the question.

“Well, now that Ellie’s doing better, do you need to still be living with Joel? I mean, you guys are not together, and he’s with me, so why are you still living with him?” Vanessa questioned; a sweet smile still plastered on her gorgeous, perfect face.

Maddie was taken aback. She had been living there since they moved to Jackson. The three of them came in together, where else would she be living? Unless…

“Did Joel say something?”

“Oh, it’s not my place to say…”

“Vanessa,” Maddie’s voice was stern, looking at Vanessa with a serious face.

Vanessa gave an uncomfortable smile. “It’s just that Joel and I were planning to take our relationship to the next level you know? We completely understood the need for the two of us to slow down when Ellie was acting up, but now that she’s doing better, he mentioned that maybe it would be better if you found a place for yourself so that I can move in with him, maybe start a family of our own,” she said, her hands twisting together, head down, trying to avoid Maddie’s disbelieving eyes.

“I mean, technically I could just move in with you still living there, but we are very loud, and I think he just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable you know? Even when we haven’t been spending nights together, he found ways for us to have alone time - the man is insatiable - so imagine what it would be like if we were to actually live together…” she continued, a sly smile on her face.

“Plus, I think you living there would make him uncomfortable too. He wouldn’t even show me affection in public out of respect for you. People know the three of you came in together, and lots of people believe you guys are together, so he didn’t want to make you feel left out or anything, you know? So, it would be better for all of us if you have your own place.”

Marcus walked in at that moment, having heard what was said, a stern look on his face, and Vanessa excused herself, before turning around and begging Maddie not to say anything to Joel, for he had made her promise not to say anything. As soon as she was gone, Maddie told Marcus she would be right back, and ran home. She had to talk to Joel. Was this what he really wanted? She needed to hear him say it to believe it. When she got home, the door was open, and she can hear Tommy, Maria and Ellie’s voices clearly, along with Joel’s low one.

“Are you sure about this brother?” Tommy asked.

“Isn’t it too soon?” Maria added, “It’s only been a few months…”

“It’s not too soon,” Ellie’s voice interrupted.

Joel’s voice was clear now.

“We have to move on, things cannot stay like this forever. We will talk to Maddie, make her understand. This is good for her. To be independent. We will help her with anything she needs, of course, but she cannot depend on us forever, so, it would be better if she lives on her own. It’s not like she’ll be far, we’re right here,” he said, his voice steady.

There was a long silence.

“Alright, if you think that’s best,” Maria said.

Maddie had heard everything she needed to hear. She turned around and walked back to the clinic. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Sure, he had found someone, but it had only been a couple of months, ten weeks at the most. And just like that she was no longer needed? After everything?

When she got back to the clinic, she broke down. She told Marcus everything. She felt like he was the only person she could talk to about this, everyone else in her life seemed to be conspiring to rid Joel of her, and he seemed more than eager to make that happen too. Marcus held her tight, keeping silent and just being there for her. He offered his spare room, but Marcus didn’t live alone, and Maddie didn’t want to intrude. He then suggested she move into the apartment above the clinic – the apartment was part of the clinic, and staff were allowed to use it at the doctor’s discretion, especially when severely injured patients required 24/7 care, and he wanted her to have it. Plus, he said, it would be better for the town to have the nurse living directly above the clinic, especially for emergency cases at night.

Maddie promised to think about it, but when she got home that evening, she found that she couldn’t even look at Joel in the eyes anymore, knowing he didn’t want her there. She could feel his eyes on her at all times, and she kept bracing herself for him to tell her what she already knew – that he needed her to move out so he can live his happily ever after with Vanessa, Ellie, and however many devastatingly gorgeous children those two annoyingly good-looking people would inevitably have from their super active sex life. So, the next day while the house was empty, with Marcus’s help, she packed what little belonging she had, and moved out.

But she still had Ellie to think about. Ellie still needed stability. And as hurt as she was, she didn’t want to put her own needs before Ellie’s, but at the same time didn’t want Joel to have the satisfaction of knowing that she gave in to their demands – even if he hadn’t had the balls to talk to her about him wanting to move Vanessa in. So, she decided that while Ellie was still adjusting, she would sneak back home early in the mornings to make breakfast and have their morning routine together, go back there as usual for dinner, and sneak back out once Joel had gone up to bed. Anything for Ellie. All Maddie wanted was for the little girl to have as normal a life as she and Joel could give her.

More time passed. Vanessa had asked her again if she had found an alternate living arrangement, confirming to her that Joel had no clue she had moved out. She was a bit hurt by that. Really? He didn’t even notice she didn’t live here anymore? To be fair, she had been keeping up the façade of being there as if nothing had changed shockingly well, and Joel was much too gentlemanly to barge into her now very empty room without permission to discover her little act. But still, Maddie found herself to be annoyed most days now. Even after a whole month since she overheard that conversation, Joel still hadn’t confronted her with it. Still hadn’t told her he would prefer for her to move out. Ugh. Just man up and do it already!

Joel, on the other hand, was still walking around as the resident town grump, even all these months later. He went about his day as if someone was always hiding in the bushes about to attack him, shoulders stiff, a permanent scowl on his face. The only times he seemed a bit relaxed was when talking to Ellie, Maddie or Maria, even Tommy when the younger man wasn’t looking to annoy him. Nothing weird there, though. That’s how he had always been, and it took Maddie and Ellie nursing him back to health, their hands never leaving his during his recovery from that incident in Salt Lake City for him to soften for the two of them.

He walked into the clinic one Saturday, holding his left arm, the sleeve of his flannel soaked in blood. Maddie felt her head freeze at the sight, running to him and pulling him into the treatment room to take a closer look. He let her pull him with her, his face soft and at ease seeing her worried one.

“What the hell happened?” Maddie asked, carefully folding the sleeves up to take a closer look at his arm, internally chastising herself at how desperately worried she sounded. She hated how much she still cared and worried for him, but she couldn’t help herself.

There was a long, deep, jagged gash along his forearm, about four inches in length, and it was bleeding profusely.

“Caught it on some sharp zinc in the garage while clearing it today,” he explained, wincing slightly when Maddie applied saline solution to clean the wound.

“The hell were you doing clearing the garage?” she asked. “You need to learn to rest, old man, you work too much,” she said.

Joel chuckled, a smile on his face, despite the pain that he was in. Maddie continued cleaning the gash thoroughly, being careful not to hurt him too much. Her eyes slightly wet at the thought of him being hurt. Those couple of weeks in Salt Lake City were among the worst days of her life, she and Ellie so worried that he wouldn’t make it. Even if she was a nurse, it wasn’t like they had the supplies to treat him properly. She was glad they were in Jackson now, and she could help tend to his wound as needed.

Joel couldn’t help but stare at her as she worked, stitching his wound up, her face slightly scrunched up in concentration. His heart softened every time he looked at her. She was so close to him right now; he could smell her shampoo. He longed to bury his face in her hair, in her neck, so he could drown in her smell. It took everything in him not to, he shouldn’t. He didn’t have the right to do that. But he missed her smell, the way her body melted into his when they used to sleep in the living room, the way their bodies just magnetize towards each other no matter how they tried not to do that. He missed the talks they would have before they both fall asleep, and most of all, he missed waking up with his face buried in her hair, the back of her neck, or her face in the crook of his, her arm around his waist, and his around her body. But he couldn’t have that now, not anymore. So, he settled for just looking at her, taking in as much of her beautiful face as he could, hoping to God that was enough to help him sleep that night.

When Maddie looked up at him, she found him looking at her, his face so soft, his puppy dog eyes full of yearning. Their faces were so close together, she could see the flecks of amber in his beautiful brown eyes.

“Maddie,” he began, his voice so soft, so careful, his uninjured hand finding her arm, softly stroking it up and down. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…”

Her heart stopped. This was it. He was going to tell her he wanted her to move out.

“Joel!!! What happened???” Vanessa’s shrill voice piped in dramatically, her face full of concern.

Maddie wanted to roll her eyes. Where the heck had she come from? Honestly. They spend five days a week on patrol together, she couldn’t let her be alone with Joel for a few minutes? Sheesh. Instead, Maddie rubbed some antibacterial salve on the stitched wound, and began bandaging it, Vanessa fussing over him as if he was a child. Joel just looked a bit flustered, uncomfortable, even. The grump was back. Gone was the soft Joel. He kept saying he was alright, just a cut, nothing to worry about. He was about to ask Vanessa to give the two of them some privacy, when Marcus came in, wondering what the shrill ruckus was all about.

Joel’s face snapped shut even harder. So did Marcus’s when he saw Joel and Vanessa there. As soon as Maddie stood up, he wrapped his hand around Maddie’s shoulder protectively, concerned at what Maddie must be feeling with those two being there together in her presence. He had spent so much time listening to Maddie pour her heart out regarding those two, and he wasn’t about to allow them to hurt her in his presence.

Vanessa wrapped her arms around Joel’s uninjured arm to leave. Joel’s body resisting, but eventually gave in. But before they could leave, Vanessa turned.

“Are you two going to the Bison tonight? Some of the men are doing a live performance. It should be fun! Will we see the two of you there?” she asked, her arms still wrapped around Joel’s, whose face was unreadable, apart from the murdering of a doctor he was probably plotting in his head.

Maddie couldn’t speak, the lump in her throat getting bigger by the second.

“We’ll be there, wouldn’t miss it,” Marcus said, his arm tightening around Maddie’s shoulder. He didn’t miss the way Joel’s eyes flickered to his arm.

“Great! See you there!” Vanessa chirped, before pulling a reluctant Joel with her.

Maddie let out a shaky breath. Marcus let go of her shoulder, but took her face in his hands, checking to see if she was alright.

“Why did you say we would go tonight? I really don’t feel like going. The last thing I need was to see the two of them slow dancing,” she said with a slight tremble of her lips, her tears threatening to slip out.

“Nope. You are going little nurse lady. You are gonna get all dressed up, you are gonna have a few drinks, loosen up and have fun. I’m gonna make sure you leave the Bison smiling tonight if it’s the last thing I do. Fuck ‘em. We are going to have fun. Full stop. Understood?” he said, his face full of care and determination.

Maddie thought about it for a bit and nodded.

He was right. Fuck the two of them. She was going to have fun tonight.

***

Scissors. Where the fuck were the scissors? Ellie was running around the house, looking in every drawer in the common areas looking for scissors. The ‘new’ shirt she had put on for the live performance at the Bison tonight had an annoyingly long lose thread from the wash, and it was a twenty-year-old shirt to begin with despite it being new to her, so she didn’t want to risk pulling it in case it made the situation worse. Joel had left early, needing to help set up the Bison after promising profusely to be careful with his injured arm. Maddie said she would be going from the clinic. So, the mission to find the scissors was a solo one. She went into Joel’s room, hastily looking around for one, but couldn’t find any. Surely, they must have some scissors somewhere in the house, right? Maddie might have them. She ran downstairs, checking in the drawers in the living room and kitchen once more for good measure, before going into Maddie’s room, completely oblivious to what she was about to be greeted with.

***

Maddie spent the evening at Maria’s, looking for a dress to borrow for the night. She forced herself to only speak of everyday matters, and not about Joel or the fact that she was heartbroken that she was about to see Joel and Vanessa together in a public setting. Maria insisted that she put some make up on her, after all, as a beautiful single woman, she might meet someone at the concert, winking at her with a teasing smile.

“Oh, come on Maria. Who would want an old lady such as myself?” Maddie asked.

“Hey, we are about the same age, and 46 is NOT OLD!” Maria said defensively.

“Maybe it wasn’t old in the before, but nowadays? Fuck that is old,” Maddie’s hands covered her face at the thought.

“Hey, Joel is older, and he found someone. You will too,” Maria said.

“Yeah, a 25-year-old. Guys want younger models. They want a Vanessa. They don’t want a Maddie. I mean, Joel went for someone young enough to be his daughter, and he gets called a stud. If I go for someone young enough to be my son? Imagine the backlash!”

Maria sighed. She could not understand why Joel would go for Vanessa. She and Tommy were shocked when they found out. Tommy spent the rest of that day going on and on about how out of character that was for Joel, to go for someone he hardly knew. Joel was a man of routine, of familiarity. And even though Joel had assured him that he and Maddie were just roommates, Tommy didn’t miss the way his brother looked at Maddie. Even Maria noticed, despite not knowing either of them before their second arrival to Jackson. The husband and wife were sure that Joel would finally step up and ask Maddie out. But when Vanessa told her she and Joel were together, Maria decided against talking to Joel about it, and made Tommy promise to do the same, citing it was none of their business. It wasn’t that hard to believe anyway. They spent all day on patrol together, and Vanessa was a beautiful young woman. Joel was just a man, with eyes and needs, so who were they to question it? She could see how Maddie was broken hearted by this revelation, though. But what could she do? The heart will always want what it wants.

They got ready together, Maddie finally relented to wearing a black and white body fitting Lycra dress that flared into a knee-length flowy skirt below the waist, and begrudgingly allowed Maria to lightly put 20-year-old make up on her face, her hair left to fall free around her shoulders. The two walked arm in arm to the Bison together, the town starting to walk over too. The doors to the Bison were left open, the band set up in the square. Maria found Tommy, who gushed at his wife’s beauty, before giving Maddie a low whistle and a once over. She never got all dressed up, and although feeling uncomfortable with all the attention, she enjoyed feeling like maybe, just MAYBE, she was a little bit beautiful tonight, even if only to herself.

When Joel saw Maddie for the first time that evening, he just about had a heart attack. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. He had always thought she was beautiful, even in her simplicity and no muss no fuss attitude. He had always preferred natural beauty on his ladies, and Maddie just looked stunning tonight.

Joel wasn’t looking too bad himself, despite the wrapped forearm. Maddie’s heart literally skipped a beat when she saw him. Dark jeans, a dark green dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows, the top few buttons undone. Even his usually mussed curls were tamed tonight, he had styled it a little bit. Damn he looked good enough to eat.

Their eyes met across the room. They both smiled, hoping to convey what they were feeling to each other in those smiles. Someone tapped her on her shoulder. Maddie turned around, and came face to face with a stunning looking, perfectly styled Vanessa, her perfect body wrapped in a skintight red dress, her ample cleavage threatening to jump out and eat Maddie alive.

“Oh my God Maddie you came!!!” she said, giving her an exaggerated air kiss on each cheek. “You look beautiful!!” she exclaimed, giving Maddie a once over.

“Thanks Vanessa. You look good too,” Maddie said, slightly crestfallen. Even on her best dressed day, Vanessa managed to make her feel like an underdressed clown.

Joel came over, two drinks in his hands. He extended one of the drinks towards them, his eyes fixed on hers, but before Maddie could even think of taking the drink, it had disappeared from his hand.

“Why thank you handsome,” Vanessa cooed, the drink now in her hand, her free arm linking itself to Joel’s (was that a bit of annoyance on his face?). “You look good tonight,” she added, her easy smile turned very flirty. “Doesn’t Maddie look good too? You should dress up more often you know, you look really nice tonight,” she added, giving her another once over.

“Yeah, she looks beautiful,” Joel said, his eyes still on Maddie, who felt her face go red. “You really do look stunning tonight,” he said to her directly, his eyes soft and dark at the same time. “Would you…”

“There you are Marcus! Will you look at how beautiful Maddie looks tonight?” Vanessa interrupted, arms tightening around Joel’s bicep.

Maddie turned around to see Marcus looking her up and down, his mouth wide open in a big grinny disbelief, his hands wide open at the sight of her.

“Oh my God, you look amazing!” he said, his arms dropped, taking her hands in his. He twirled her around and bent a little to give her a lingering kiss on the cheek.

“Oh, stop it,” Maddie said, faking a shy smile, smacking him on his chest, but kissed him back. “Look at you! You clean up well Dr Adams!” she continued, fake batting her eyelashes at him.

The two laughed cheekily at each other. When they turned around, Maddie was met with Vanessa’s face grinning at the sight in front of her, while Joel… Joel looked like he was about to kill Marcus, the hand around his drink looking suspiciously white from his grip. Marcus ignored Joel’s murderous eyes and pulled Maddie’s hand into his.

“Come on little nurse lady, let’s get you a drink. And then, we are going to dance the night away,” he remarked.

“Bye you two!!!” Vanessa chirped happily, her arm still wrapped around Joel’s, before he pulled it away.

Maddie let herself be pulled away. She was going to have fun tonight, she thought. Nothing will ruin tonight for her, she had been through a hell of a year, a hell of twenty years, in fact, and she deserved to let loose and have fun. So, she had a few drinks, and danced with Marcus. Every now and again, she saw Joel standing somewhere in the room, leaning against a pole or a wall, his eyes always fixed on her, Vanessa right next to him, chatting merrily at whoever was closest to them. She and Maria changed partners for a song or two, Tommy being the goofy dance partner Maddie always thought he would be. But despite having so much fun, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to dance in Joel’s arms, him holding her close again, her face in the crook of his neck, surrounded by his heat and that very Joel smell that she missed so much.

She couldn’t get him alone though, Vanessa always beside him, even though she didn’t see them dance at all. Plus, what were the etiquettes here? Should she ask him to dance? Or wait for him to ask her? Was that an okay thing to do? To dance with the man she was desperately in love with when he had his stunning girlfriend clinging to him like a leech? Sheesh Vanessa, honestly. Was she capable of leaving his side for a second? We all got it, Vanessa, message received loud and clear. You were with Joel. No need to stay clamped to him like that all night. She resigned herself to the fact that she would not be dancing with him and pulled Maria to the bar for more drinks.

Joel couldn’t take his eyes off Maddie even for a second. His heart filled with longing to go over and ask Maddie for a dance, but she was always with Marcus, and even Tommy took a turn or two dancing with her (damn him, damn them both!). And Vanessa wouldn’t leave his side even for a second, and no matter how much she batted her eyelashes at him and begged him for a dance, he just didn’t feel like it. The woman he wanted to dance with was dancing with the annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor, not him, the resident town grump. The annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor whom she spent all her working days with. The annoyingly good-looking, charming town doctor whose hands saved lives, unlike his. The annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor who spent the evening expertly and effortlessly twirling her around the dance floor like he was some ballroom dancing expert, while Joel couldn’t even convince himself that he would be able to dance with her without looking at or stepping on his own feet, let alone hers.

When Vanessa finally left his side to go to the bathroom, Joel decided he needed to act and ask Maddie for a dance. But he would be a gentleman about it and ask Marcus for permission first. After all, Maddie was his friend first. They came to town together. They had been living together since they arrived here. They had all this history together. It shouldn’t be weird if they danced together, right? So, Joel made his way towards Marcus, determined to be polite and ask the annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor if he would mind letting him, the resident town grump Joel Miller, to ask his lady for a dance. He got to Marcus, who was chatting with Tommy, drink in hand, and gathered up the courage to ask him the dreaded question. But Marcus’s attention was suddenly distracted by a man who had just entered the pub, looking exhausted, obviously just in from patrol.

“Hey, you made it,” Marcus said, smiling happily before greeting the man with a hug and a sweet peck on the lips. “I don’t know if you two had met. Francis, this is Joel. Joel, this is my husband Francis,” he said.

Joel had seen Francis around before. He was the leader of one of the patrol teams, but since Joel led another team, they had never worked together. He took Francis’s outstretched hand and shook it, commenting that he had seen him around town…

…wait… HUSBAND?

“You’re gay?” Joel couldn’t stop himself from asking incredulously, while Tommy choked on his drink.

“Er… yeah… is that a problem?” Marcus hesitantly asked back.

Tommy and Francis stood there looking at the confused resident town grump and the perplexed, annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor.

“No, of course not, I just didn’t know. Wait… does Maddie know you’re gay?” Joel asked again, unable to hide the confusion on his face.

“Of course she does. She’s my best friend, I tell her everything,” Marcus said, almost laughingly.

“But I thought…” and Joel’s thoughts remained a mystery when a teenager’s carefully aimed shoe made contact with his head, jolting all four grown men out of the discussion that was not meant to be had at that exact time.

All four men spun around to look at the source of the well-aimed shoe, Joel rubbing his head, only to be met by an extremely angry and hostile looking Ellie.

“What the fuck did you do old man? What did you fucking say to her?” she screamed, launching herself at him, smacking him everywhere she could reach.

Despite the merry music playing, the bar went quiet, everyone staring at the newly unfolding drama.

“What are you talking about? What did I do? What did I say to whom?” Joel asked, fending off her smacks, before bending down to pick up her weapon of choice.

“Maddie! She’s moved out! Her room’s all empty! What did you say to her? Did you chase her out? How could you do that?” she raised her arm to smack him again, but Joel held her hand to stop her.

“Maddie moved out? When?” he asked. He turned around, saw Maddie and Maria, back from the bar with drinks in their hands.

“You moved out?” he asked her, his face disbelieving, hurt, betrayed.

“Okay let’s all calm down and take this outside, shall we?” Maria said calmly, her town mayor persona taking over, taking Maddie’s drink from her hand, passing both their glasses to someone before ushering a stunned Joel and a stone-faced Maddie outside. Tommy took Ellie by the shoulder, doing the same, and Marcus and Francis followed.

Once they were further away from the music, they all stood around awkwardly, before Joel piped up again.

“You moved out?” he asked Maddie again, genuinely unable to believe what he had just heard.

Maddie kept looking at the ground, unable to look him in the eyes. Marcus went to her side, holding her close to him. She nodded slowly, eyes still on the ground.

“Why?”

Maddie finally looked up, annoyed that he had the gall to ask that question.

“Isn’t that what you wanted? I overheard you, Joel. And Vanessa told me. I know all of it Joel. Just because you didn’t have the balls to tell me doesn’t mean I don’t know what is going on,” she said, her voice shaking slightly with anger.

“What are you talking about? What did you overhear? What did Vanessa tell you?”

Maddie scoffed. Unbelievable.

“I know you wanted me out of the house, Joel. I heard you two talking with Tommy and Maria,” she said, looking at Joel and Ellie, her face now contorted, tears threatening to spill out.

“Wait, what?” Maria spoke up. “He never told us he wanted you out,” she continued. Tommy, confusion on his face, also shook his head no. Even Ellie looked confused.

“I heard you guys. You wanted me out. It was good for me. I shouldn’t depend on you forever. I should be independent,” her tears falling now.

A flash of understanding came across the four faces in front of her.

“That was about me,” Ellie said. “I asked Joel if he and Tommy could fix the garage up for me, so I can live there by myself, have a space of my own. That way I don’t have to depend on you two forever,” she explained.

“I was clearing it out today, finally have some time to get started,” Joel added, showing her his bandaged arm, “I was gonna talk to you about it when we had some time alone.”

“Wait a minute,” Marcus interjected. “I was there. I heard Vanessa said you wanted Maddie to move out so that she can move in with you.”

“Why the fuck would I want my patrol partner to move in with me?” Joel looked at Marcus like he was speaking in some foreign language.

Now everyone in that group just looked extremely confused, looking at Joel like he had three heads. Why would Joel call his girlfriend his patrol partner? Sure, that’s who she was too, but that’s just weird. Joel now felt like he was the new kid in school, on his first day, where everyone knew something that he didn’t. Someone said Joel’s name amidst the confusing, uncomfortable silence. The group turned around, Vanessa approaching, a nervous smile on her face.

“What’s going on here? Are we moving the party to the back alley now?” she asked, her face filled with uncertainty, but still smiling, her arm snaking around Joel’s.

Joel snatched his arm away. He turned to face her fully, his face serious, her smile faltering.

“Vanessa, what the fuck have you been telling everyone?”

***

“What do you mean, Joel?” Vanessa asked sweetly, her face looking like she would rather be anywhere else but there at the moment, “I didn’t say anything to anyone…”

“Is anyone going to tell me what is going on? Why would I ask her to move in with me?” Joel turned around, asking the silent people around him instead.

Vanessa’s face turned chalk white. Shit, cat’s out of the bag. She couldn’t believe these people went behind her back. She kept telling them not to tell Joel. Sheesh. How hard was it to follow a simple request?

“Well, I don’t know what she told others, but she told me…” Ellie began.

“Ellie…” Vanessa interrupted, panic beginning to invade her voice.

“Shut up Vanessa,” Joel snapped. “Ellie?”

“She told me you and her are dating,” Ellie finished.

The rest of the group murmured a silent ‘yep’. Everyone apart from Maddie, who stayed quiet, eyes glued to her feet.

“You told them what?” Joel’s face was red now, his eyes snapping to Vanessa.

“No Joel, they must have misunderstood…” she began, but Maria cut her off.

“No Vanessa. You told me you and Joel were dating, exclusively.”

“No, I didn’t,” Vanessa starting to sound like a denial puppet now.

Maddie was still silent. Marcus couldn’t stay silent anymore, his memory of all the tears Maddie had shed resulting from this redhead’s poison just pushed the words out,

“I heard you told Maddie Joel wanted her out of the house so that you can move in with him, Vanessa. That you guys have a lot of very loud sex. In fact, I heard you said that you two were going ‘to start a family of your own’,” he added, complete with air quotes.

Joel’s eyes were shooting daggers at Vanessa now. His body so stiff the vein on his neck were practically popping open.

“Vanessa, why would you say that?” he asked, his voice strained from controlled anger.

Vanessa looked at everyone desperately, silently begging for someone to step up to her defense. No one did, in fact she was met with stone-faced people, all staring at her, waiting for her explanation, except for Maddie, who was still looking at her feet.

“Because I am in love with you, Joel! But all you could think about was her! I just thought, if I could just get her to pull away from you, or make you believe she wasn’t interested…”

“So, you told her we were together? That I wanted her to move out? That I wanted to start a family with you? To scare her away from me? That’s why you kept pushing the idea of her and Marcus at me? You wanted me to think she wasn’t interested in me?” her delusions were so vapid and over the top he couldn’t believe she thought she was going to get away with it all.

“Oh, come on Joel. Look at them. He can barely keep his hands off her. They spend all day together, how sure are you they are not just fucking their brains out when they’re alone at the clinic?” Vanessa spat out, pointing at the way Marcus had Maddie close in his arms.

“Erm… He’s been married to me for 8 years,” Francis piped up.

Vanessa spluttered. In all her scheming, she never thought Marcus might be gay, too self-important and vain to learn more about the people around her unless she was interested in them. She could not see a way out. All her carefully laid plan just burst out into the open. The romantic images of her and Joel riding off into the sunset together now a darkened fantasy.

“I just don’t see why we can’t be together Joel!” she pleaded, “We are perfect together. We work well together. We look good together! Why would you want some dried-up old maid when you can have me, Joel?” her face now wet with self-pitying tears, her hands reaching out to take his face in her hands. He slapped them away.

“Vanessa,” he said, his voice shaky and dangerously low. “I told you, many times, that I am not interested in you like that. We are patrol partners, in fact, after tonight, I wouldn’t even call us that, much less friends,” he continued, taking careful, deep breaths.

“Joel! Please Joel, give us a chance. I am so much better for you than she ever will be Joel, we could be so happy,” she pleaded, trying to take his hands. He took a step back, choosing his words carefully, fists clenched by his sides, trembling slightly.

“You will never speak to me again, you understand? Stay away from my family. You are going to tell everyone what you have done. If anyone still believed us to be couple by Monday, or if I hear you say anything bad about Maddie, or see you so much as look her way, so help me God, I will feed you to the clickers myself. Leave now Vanessa, before I forget myself and hurt you.”

Vanessa stood there like a stump. Her usually beautiful face looked exceptionally ugly under the dim lights behind the Tipsy Bison, tears streaking down her face. Unable to defend herself any longer, she turned and walked away defeatedly, her shoulders slumped.

Another uncomfortable silence surrounded the group.

“Does anyone feel stupid that we didn’t see this coming? I mean, if we had just asked Joel in the first place…” Tommy said, glaring at Maria, who was now regretting not doing just that.

A slew of uncomfortable looks and silent, awkward nods followed.

More silence.

“Well,” Francis said with a deep breath, “This was fun, but I would like to go back to the party and drink my achy bones away, perhaps have a dance or two with my husband,” he said.

Marcus looked at Maddie, a small smile on his face. He kissed her on the temple before letting her go, patting Joel on the shoulder, and walking hand in hand with Francis back to the party. Tommy cleared his throat.

“Yeah, well, I think I might join them. Baby?” he looked at Maria, holding his hand out for hers.

Maria reached out and gave Maddie a quick hug, before taking her husband’s hand and walking away with him. Ellie gave an exasperated sigh at her parental figures.

“Seriously people. You call yourselves my parents? Even I know to communicate, even if it’s just slamming doors. Sheesh,” she said, before starting to walk away. She stopped dead in her tracks, turned to the two of them and said, “By the way, I will be spending tonight at Dina’s. You two should be alone, and… erm… ‘talk’,” she said cheekily, before running off.

Alone at last, Joel and Maddie stayed silent for a while, both awkwardly shuffling their feet while looking at anything their eyes would land on but each other. Joel finally broke the tension, taking her hand, leading her to a bench in front of the clinic. Ellie was right, it’s time they finally talked. Sitting side by side, they shared what Vanessa had been doing as far as they knew.

***

Vanessa’s poison ran deep. She had always been friendly with everyone on the patrol team but set her eyes on Joel from the moment he arrived. She saw how closed up and private he was, so she spent the first couple of months being friendly to him, just a partner, patrolling together, idle chit chats while on duty. Eventually, she managed to get him to talk about Maddie and Ellie, and she saw how Maddie was her main competitor for his affection.

She got him to trust her, be his confidant, as much of a confidant as one can be for the very private Joel Miller. Encouraged him to tell Maddie about his feelings. She listened to him and acted all excited when he told her she had agreed to go out for drinks with him.

She took advantage of Maddie’s absence during her care for Mr. Crushed-by-his-Fridge. Be all buddy-buddy with him, all dressed up, while subtly becoming more and more physical with him. A touch here, a hug there, a head on the shoulder here, an arm around his there… friendly, but friendlier than usual.

She planted the idea of Maddie and Marcus in his head. Joel didn’t bite, so she changed tactics.

She planted the idea of her and Joel in Maddie’s head. She asked her to “do a girl a solid” and let the two of them have some “alone time”. She knew clinic staff stayed at the apartment above the clinic sometimes.

Vanessa ‘accidentally’ ran into him early in the morning the next day, Joel out of his mind with worry because he had just realized that Maddie did not come home that night. She told him she saw her going up to the apartment. She hit the jackpot when Marcus was there too. Now Joel was devastated, heartbroken that Maddie had found someone else.

Vanessa offered her couch, or even her bed for him to stay at, so Maddie and Marcus can have some alone time, they were a new couple after all. He was broken-hearted but decided to stay out of the house for a bit, but not at Vanessa’s. He chose the keeper’s room at the stable instead, sleeping there for almost a week, worried that he might react badly if Marcus came to the house.

Joel still refused her advances on him, insisting that they are only patrol partners. So, she upped her game plan. She subtly pushed the idea of her and Joel being together to Maria and Ellie. Maybe they will start saying her name more to him, be supportive of the idea, this would somehow push Joel into entertaining the idea of them being together.

The plan backfired. Instead of pushing Joel towards Vanessa, Ellie acted out, unhappy that her ‘parents’ were avoiding each other. Joel and Maddie stayed together for Ellie’s sake, rather than separating.

As a last-ditch effort, Vanessa concocted the delusional plan that she and Joel were planning to move in together, effectively planting the idea that Joel wanted her in, and Maddie out. The Ellie and the garage conversation was just an unplanned bonus, but the plan worked. Maddie was hurt enough to distance herself further from Joel, making him feel defeated. To Vanessa’s detriment, Joel still wouldn’t see her as more than a friend.

So, when she saw him injured at the clinic, she took the opportunity to give Joel some PDA to push in Maddie’s face, and Marcus coming in to protect Maddie helped convince Joel further that they really were together. But instead of being sad and finally giving in to Vanessa's advances, Joel chose to just be 'happy' for Maddie, just the way Maddie was for him. Even after all that, Joel stood firm - he was not interested in Vanessa like that. She had asked him to go to the Bison as her date, but he refused. She was determined to stick to Joel that night, never letting him go out of her sight, knowing he was too much of a gentleman to push her away in public. He had refused to dance with her at all, his eyes fixed on Maddie, who spent the entire night dancing merrily in Marcus’s arms. Vanessa kept mentioning what a lovely couple they were, Joel now obviously believing that Maddie and Marcus were indeed a couple. She was convinced that he will give in - just a little more time. All seemed to be going her way.

That was, until Francis walked in.

***

The two took deep breaths together, angry at themselves for letting themselves be fooled by this poisonous woman.

“We need to communicate better,” Joel said, shaking his head in disbelief, chuckling a little at the stupidity of it all.

Maddie could only nod in agreement, feeling drained and stupid for letting these lies cloud her judgments. But… something was missing. She looked at him questioningly,

“Wait, so if you were never with Vanessa, who were you with? I heard you having sex, Joel. I ran out so fast my feet almost caught fire.”

Joel frowned, searching his mind, trying to figure out what she was talking about. He hadn’t had se… oh no… God no… his face turned red at the realisation of what she heard. Words formed in his mind, trying to explain the situation she was referring to, one where he thought he was alone in the house for, but broken, disconnected words were all he managed to get out,

“Erm… sex? I haven’t had… not since… erm… I was not having sex… I was… erm… well… wait, you didn’t happen to hear your name too, did you?” his ears were now so red she could see the colour change even in the dim lighting of the sidewalk.

Realisation dawned on Maddie’s face, turning red on its own accord. Both of their faces now red hot from embarrassment, laughing softly. They continued sitting there, shoulders almost touching, their bodies swaying together to the faraway music from the square.

“So… you are not with Marcus?” Joel finally asked, a small smile on his blushing face.

Maddie smiled shyly, shaking her head slightly. “And you, you are not with Vanessa?” she asked him back.

“Never,” he said, shuffling closer to her. “I actually have a huge crush on my roommate,” he said, turning his body towards her, offering her his hands, “In fact, I am certain that I am in love with her.”

Maddie took his hands in hers, tears falling down on her cheeks. Joel kissed them away silently, putting his forehead on hers, whispering her name.

“Don’t cry, baby. Please don’t cry,” he said quietly, before taking her face in his hands, bringing her lips to his own, kissing her for the first time.

He held her tight, arms surrounding her, never wanting to let go. She wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers caressing his curls, sighing contentedly into the kiss. He deepened the kiss, swallowing her moans as she melted into his body. He stopped himself before the kiss turned desperate, very much aware they were on a sidewalk in front of the clinic, in perfect view of the townsfolk who were still going to the Bison. He took her by the hand, interlacing his fingers with hers, and asked her if he could take her home.

“My apartment is just through that door,” she whispered in his ears, pointing to the door behind him.

Joel’s body tensed. Without saying another word, he lifted her up bridal style, earning a shriek from her, and carried her up the stairs to the small apartment. He kicked the door closed before placing her gently on the twin bed in the middle of the room. He joined her on the bed, hovering over her, not caring that the bed was far too small for the both of them.

“Joel, your arm, we shouldn’t,” Maddie began, but he silenced her with a long, deep kiss.

“So, I hear you are in love with your roommate,” Maddie said. Joel chuckled shyly, his nose rubbing against hers. “Well guess what?” she asked, as he raised an eyebrow at her. “I’m in love with my roommate too,” she told him. His face lit up, and he claimed her lips again.

Joel didn’t want to leave any room for Maddie to doubt his desire for her that night. He took her slowly, thoroughly, his lips and tongue covering every bit of skin he unraveled when undressing her, leaving her moaning, squirming and breathless before she was even naked. When he finally took her soaked underwear off, the growl he let out had her wondering if he was secretly some sort of an animal, and boy oh boy was he one. He devoured her like he was some famished man who had spent his days peeking longingly into the window of a high-class restaurant he couldn’t possibly afford, ravenous from the deprivation of the ultimate feast that seemed unreachable for him until that very moment - her. Joel’s name became a prayer, ranging from desperate whiny whispers all the way to full blown screams that became hoarser and hoarser as the night went on. Maddie swore she saw God at least three times before his shirt was even off, shocked that he still had a full head of those beautiful curls from how hard she was pulling at them, legs shaking, chest heaving, her entire body flushed from the pleasure he had given her.

When she had calmed down, she climbed atop him, slowly torturing him with soft kisses, kitten licks and caresses, taking her time exploring his body, beginning from his eyebrows, going further and further down until he was so hard his entire body was shaking uncontrollably, his brain deprived from all the blood it needed, his words slurred and mumbled. She was amazed by the power she had over him at that moment – Joel Miller, the resident town grump, the man who ran amok through an entire hospital to save his daughter, the heroic alpha who could slash his way through bands of clickers and raiders alike – reduced to babbling nonsensical mumbo jumbo that almost had her giggling from satisfaction. When she slowly lowered his boxers, she blew softly on his unraveled manhood, leaving him gasping for air, his trembling body suddenly stock still from the pleasure a simple puff of air provided. She wet her lips, her mouth watering at the sight, and lowered her head to finally, finally taste him. But before she could even touch him, his hands stopped her, his body flipping her onto her back. He placed his head on her chest, telling her in a strained voice with much certainty that if she were to touch him at that moment, he would spontaneously combust.

Slowly, with their lips locked together in a passionate kiss, he entered her, inch by impressive inch, pulling back slightly, going deeper with each tortuously slow thrust, until he stilled, whispering to her between kisses that he needed a moment, fully encased in her warmth, his thick tip nudging at a spot Maddie never knew existed until now. She forgot how to breathe, her entire body responding to this much welcomed and long overdue union, the coil in her belly bubbling hot just from this one initial nudge, her insides involuntarily clenching to find release. He almost screamed, before composing himself, taking deep breaths, shutting his eyes from her reaction. He begged her, pleaded with her not to move, not to clench, his entire body straining from trying not to burst, his arms holding her tight, his face, neck and chest red from the effort, his teeth gritted, his eyes shut tight, beads of sweat glistening all over his beautiful face. She in turn was begging him over and over to forgive her, her body wasn’t listening to his pleas. She’s sorry, she’s sorry, she’s so very sorry, she couldn’t help it. Despite him not moving at all, she was too close, too hungry, too desperate for release, her core continuously squeezing him so tightly, milking him for all he had to give her, pulsating around him again and again until her entire body shook with unmitigated pleasure, stars bursting behind her eyes, sending her to heaven and back, a silent scream releasing from her open mouth, her hands clutching at his back, her vision whitened, her ears ringing, taking him with her to nirvana.

When she could finally breathe again, the room was quiet, save for their quivering breaths. His body was slumped over hers, his head in the crook of her neck. She held him tight, her fingers absentmindedly drawing circles on his back, a satisfied smile on her face. The silence was finally broken by his muffled voice, mumbled into her neck, before he managed to muster the energy to lift his head, his face red from embarrassment, having finished so early, inciting giggles from her. He buried his face in her neck again, mortified by his body’s betrayal, while she kept assuring him between sweet kisses that he had nothing to be embarrassed about. After all, she said, there’s always the next time. Wiggling his eyebrows, he kissed her with a smile, and promised vehemently that he would make up for it.

And after a short rest, he did make up for it, again and again that night. He made up for it again on Sunday morning despite complaining that the small bed had fucked his back, again after breakfast, while packing, showering, once more before leaving that evening, and one more time for good measure when he finally took her home, to their now shared bedroom.

***

The very tired but glowing couple walked to the clinic Monday morning, fingers entwined with one another’s. Maddie was due to start her shift, and Joel’s back and arm needed looking at, his back extremely sore and some of his stitches ripped from… unplanned strenuous activities. They were greeted by a very annoyed looking Marcus, a bucket of cleaning supplies at his feet. He complained that the apartment smelt like sex, unable to hide the smile behind his faux annoyance. So, Maddie’s sole duty for the day was to sanitize that apartment top to bottom, so that Marcus could actually get his rest there when needed without having to worry about… contamination.

As delusional as Vanessa had been in her concoction of her torrid sexcapades with Joel, she was right about one thing. The man may be middle aged, but he was young where it counted. The man was insatiable. Ever since that Saturday night, he couldn’t leave Maddie alone, hands constantly on her. Whenever they were in the same room, a part of him must be touching her at all times. A hand on her thigh, his little finger hooked on hers, his chest on her back, his arm around her shoulder, his fingers interlaced with hers, his chin on her shoulder, his arms around her waist, and those were when there were others around. When alone, those ‘innocent’ (his words, not hers) touches were always accompanied by his lips on her person, his talented tongue joining in on the action not long after. And well, the rest… followed.

Ellie made sure to knock as loudly as she could before going into any room in the house now, even open areas like the corridor, the living room or the kitchen, using anything she could use to make as much noise as she could, eyes closed tight until Joel or Maddie responded, her mind still haunted by what she saw when she walked in on her parents going at it like rabbits on the couch, which she steadfastly refused to sit on now, even after they made a show of thoroughly cleaning it in front of her.

“It’s the mental image of it, guys, you’re gonna have to scrub my actual brain to get rid of that,” she exclaimed, “Can’t believe you mowed down an entire hospital to save me, and then let me go through THAT…” she mumbled under her breath, shaking her head. “Let’s erm… get the ‘me moving into the garage bit’ going yeah? So, I don’t fear for my mental health much longer?” The girl had been through literal and figurative hell and back, and walking in on her parents having sex was still the worst thing she had ever seen.

Their life and routines together flourished. As far as Jackson were concerned, they were a family. Sure, the ladies still ogled Joel like he was a popsicle on a hot day, but Maddie now knew for sure that he only had eyes for her.

Vanessa had been taken out of Joel’s patrol team and placed on wall duty, partnered with only women, most of whom acted like she wasn’t there unless needed. Life hadn’t been easy for her since that night. Word of her scheming had spread like wildfire, and the ladies of Jackson, even the single ones, avoided her like the plague, worried she would go after their men. Even the men avoided her - save for some shameless lecherous ones who only wanted one thing from her – worried that they would be trapped by her. Safe to say that any hopes for her to settle down and have a family was long gone.

She in turn, avoided the Millers as much as she could, turning around and going another direction whenever she saw them. She couldn’t avoid going to the clinic when she needed treatment, but she had no choice. Thankfully, Maddie and Marcus were much too classy to treat her like a leper, her shame was enough of a punishment without them having to add to it.

***

A year later, Ellie ran into the house in such a rush she didn’t have time to knock, running upstairs, barging into her parents’ room with her eyes closed tight, a hectic scrambling on the bed letting her know she had been right to do so.

“Guys, Tommy sent me, Maria’s in labour!” she yelled.

Maddie and Joel dressed quickly, Maddie telling Ellie to go get Marcus.

“Tommy already went to get him. And eww Maddie, wash your hands! God knows what part of Joel you just touched,” she squirmed, eyes still closed shut. She turned around to leave, muttering under her breath, “With all your canoodling I am shocked Maria’s having a baby and not you…”

Joel and Maddie looked at each other, a knowing smile on their faces.

[bloedewir]

Dragon Age: The Veilguard

There's some post-game thoughts I can mark as spoiler ones. Read only if you finished the game.

I love the game. Really. The grand finale was magnificent, the main plot idea is painfully touching and I adore the heavy weight of sorrow I bear after I finished the game. The best kind of bittersweet grief of possible.

However it doesn't mean the game is flawless. There's some stuff I didn't get at all.

Why there's no option to ask Solas about the Forgotten Ones? Like, hello, you have an encyclopedia of elven lore in your head, can't you ask a few optional questions about weird ancient guy you've met during the journey? Nadas Dirthalen? (Or it's because da5 is going to be about new dwarven and/or qunari lore and Forgotten Ones/Executors?)

You also can't say anything about the murals.. which is kinda strange. Why didn't Rook comment those mind-blowing revelations? For Harding, at least?

Evanuris. Solas' story is beautifully written, Mythal' story was also revealed more than before (even if she's in all 4 games) so we get to know her better. But Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain? Fine, forget other evanuris.. but the spectacular duo? Spirits and demons are kinda the same, like two sides of a coin. Solas is Wisdom and Pride, Mythal is Benevolence and Retribution (as Morrigan said). Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain are just.. bad? They're blighted and corrupted now but what about the past? Where's the duality of their personalities? No chance for redemption now because they don't want or need it, I get the idea, but the story itself? I wish there would be more about them. We do have something on Ghilan'nain tho, like: she created hallas but can't create them any longer and she has a full control over the Blight as if it's modeling clay (+ some Bellara' thoughts on a matter of "navigation" and "healing" and path Ghilan'nain chose for the People). But Elgar'nan? He likes tyranny. And he still had his hair. Uhm.. ┐⁠(⁠ ⁠∵⁠ ⁠)⁠┌

Romances. Can't say much because I didn't try all of them but Neve's and Lucanis'.. uhm. It doesn't feel like a written romance, y'know? Just a bonus lines so you doesn't have to feel lonely or whatever. Characters are on their own and don't have connection with Rook till the very end. There's no impact and Rook is, ironically, just an enjoyable side benefit™ but nothing more. Comparing to datv romance situation solavellan romance is hot as hell and full of content. And it says a lot.

Inquisitor. I do like how their absence was explained... yet Lavellan was robbed. I don't want to see a cringe Fade therapy session with Solas telling his tragic lovestory to a random stranger (Rook) and whining about just how much he misses his gorgeous wife (and I'm solavellan). But adding a few tiny details? The bare minimum: take the dai tarot card and place it on the wall in a music room. That already could've been much better. (mods mods mods 🤞🤞🤞).

Dialogue timing and triggers. I suspect dialogues are cool but I can't know for sure. In my first playthrough I didn't even know Davrin and Lucanis are not a big fans of each other before the Weisshaupt quest because I didn't hear it. DATV locations are much smaller than it was in DAI, so you just don't get the chance to hear those dialogues unless you find a trigger point and just stay there waiting to play all lines.

Some of that is not a tragedy and, theoretically, could be improved by magnificent people creating mods. But sometimes datv seems kinda unfinished like there's a missing puzzle pieces as if content was cut out with no replacement.

Despite some questionable moments and a bit of criticism I love this game regardless. It's dark and atmospheric, absolutely beautiful and mesmerizing. And analysis of Regret? Choices and consequences, acceptance, struggling, desperation, guilt..? The work Bioware did deserves to be highly appreciated. The final left me in tears, sobbing and grieving, and heartbroken - that's all I ever wanted of Dragon Age 💜

[emo-ratss]

folie, mania and sm(f)s are all sisters but sm(f)s is the only one that actually got the love she deserved when she was released

[wejustvibing]

this in fact goes hard

[moeblob]

[hojiteaversion]

I'd like to think Mehmed is thinking the same with regards to her, in this scene.

He gave her the sword. He controls his temper around her. She stabbed him and his response was to admire and kiss her. He promised to not hurt her friends. He kissed her in this scene because otherwise he would probably tell her everything, which he supposedly can't do yet. He's far from perfect but she is his one "weakness".

Lale was undoubtedly under his power in an unbalanced/dangerous way‚ but he is absolutely under her power as well‚ especially now, and I think he's known it for a long long time.

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID: three digital illustrations based on episodes of the owl house. The first image is based on Understanding Willow and features Amity and Inner Willow. Amity looks at Inner Willow regretfully, holding a hand to her chest, as Inner Willow stands surrounded by pink fire, yelling at Amity with steam coming from her eyes. Lyrics are written crookedly across the background: "I'm not here for your entertainment/your the kinda guy that likes some fun/am I just here for a bit of amusement?/you'll never be my NUMBER 1!!!".

The second image is based off For the Future and features Willow and Hunter. Hunter hugs willow, his face obscured, as she sobs and vines glow green around them both. The lyrics this time are written more neatly in the middle of the image and read "are you bored?/or are you scared?/what happened to secrets we shared?/ Did I say something/? Have I crossed the line?/you know I never meant it/when I said I was FINE!".

The final image is both drawings on one canvas with no lyrics. Each image has a dark blue background. End ID]

Thinks about Willow's repressed emotions and eats glass. Cutely (song is Con Man by The Tuts!)

[holocene-sims]

a sneak peek for an upcoming (timeline tbd) update 😊

[spacedlexi]

so theres these 2 zombie apocalypse daughters and im a disappointed parent who plays favorites

[thanks--for--listening]

also we all knew this already but I love how Nicola is styled this season like yes she’s GORGEOUS AN ICON A QUEEN A GODDESS!!!!!!