#finally got some headspace to finish stuff~

[risewriter]

So, I drew the sketch for this on vacation and thought: “I really wanna finish it!” And I finally did~

But I tried a new lineless coloring style~! I really enjoyed it! Hope you like it too! 🐢 🏖️

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

me waiting for my writer’s block to fuck off and leave me alone so i can finish this chapter:

[yandereshingeki]

work was. interesting today

[midnighmoonligh]

Can you maybe write Ghost + Child Regressor Reader who had an accident and got scared that Ghost would get angry or be disgusted? :3 You're one of the only people who write COD with a regressor reader and I love it!! 🩷

A/N

Ironically I had just been finishing up a oneshot book I made with this concept! This is just a chapter of it 🫶. If you want to read more I have the entire store post on wattpad here! Hope you enjoy overall and thank you for your request!

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Fandom

Call of Duty

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Characters

Y/N ; 17 ; Gender Neutral ;; They/Them ; little

Simon " Ghost " Riley ; 31 ; He/Him ; CG

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⚠Content Warnings⚠

Violence, War stuff, COD yk. Potty accident & internally shaming of self!

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A sudden anxious urge washed over you. You tossed and turned over the covers you had not put on yourself. You were trying to go back to sleep, but instead found yourself awake anyway. With a huff, your eyes finally peeled open. You looked out the window to your left, enjoying how pretty the moon looked tonight with the way the snowy clouds dropped layer after layer. The window seal was covered in snow, making it pile up on the sides to reach higher. You found it pretty, peaceful.

Until you felt it.

You felt a strange wetness, almost coldness too. Well, it was warm in some spots cold in others. When you shifted, the jeans you had fallen asleep in stuck to you. You froze in place at it.

The seconds ticked by as you began to process what happened. The anxiety you had felt when you were refusing to wake before hit you like a train when it had clicked. It was suffocating, quickly becoming hard to breathe as you process how embarrassing it was.

You had wet the bed.

You've never done that before, genuinely. You didn't understand what had happened and god you rather shrivel up and die than really acknowledge what had happened. You suddenly sat up in the bed, eyes darting across the room. First, they focused onto the alarm clock placed on the suspiciously chewed up night stand. The clock read 3:48 am. It was really early, or late depending on your standards.

Then your eyes fell onto Johnny and Simon. Both were now settled into the air mattress on the floor. You've never actually seen them sleeping together, so it was a bit of a shock to find Simon without his mask and laying on his side toward the door. John was also on his side, but pressed against his larger partners back with an arm tossed over his side in a loose hold. They had about four or five blankets tossed on then, most leaning toward the larger man in the bed.

You shook that shock from your mind since you confirmed that they were asleep still. With a shaking body, you began to rip off the sheets from the bed, tossing the blankets onto the floor at the foot of the bed since that was the only space free. You grabbed a spare pair of pants and underwear before scrambling out of the room. You'd worry about searching for new sheets later. For now, you went around as quiet as physically possible searching for the laundry room. You found it on the main floor, in the hallway under the upstairs. It was a small space, had a door too.

When entering, you closed it and turned the lights on. The sudden brightness made you flinched, but with the tears quickly filling your eyes you needed it to see better. You tossed the bedding onto the floor, the clean clothes on the surface of the dryer. Then you opened up the washer, happy to see it empty. With that being confirmed, you began to stuff the bedding into it. You were clumsy, feeling that fuzzy headspace wash over you as you berated yourself in your mind. Insult after insult, you didn't hold back on yourself. You couldn't believe you had done this. It was definitely a new one for the books, one you hoped to take the secret of it to your grave.

Suddenly, the laundry room door opened.

" What are you doing? " Simon's exhausted voice rumbled out from deep within in chest.

It scared you, making you visibly jump. He had caught you mid struggling to shove the thick sheets into the machine. You were quickly loosing your usual motor skills as you fell further into that, normally, comforting headspace.

" Um- I, uh, spilled somethin, " you told Simon awkwardly while trying to shove the bedding harder into the washer.

Ghost's expression was a mix of exhaustion and irritation as he observed the mess in front of him. It was evident that Ghost was already in a bad mood, and your little accident likely added to that.

" What the hell did you spill? " He sighed, moving closer to you and reaching out to take the sheets from your trembling hands.

You flinched as the bedding was taken from your shaking hands. You sniffled as quietly as you could manage while stepping back. Now you knew it was a matter of time before Simon smelled it. You stared at the floor in shame. The anxiety of the fact of what had happened hammering through you harshly. You've never done it before, it scared you.

" Don't remember, " you mumbled.

Simon's frustration was palpable, and as he picked up the damp bedding, his expression darkened. The smell of the accident clung to the sheets, and while not the most pleasant, he has endured far worse on the battlefield.

" Bloody hell, " he muttered as he looked down at the sheets in his hand before giving them a rough twist and shoving them into the washer. " I hope this was a one-off, " he said gruffly as he reached over and turned the washing machine on.

You continued to stare at the floor of the laundry room. You still wore soiled pants, tears spilling over uncontrollably while you wished you could just sink into the ground and completely disappear from shame. You didn't reply to Simon, deciding it was likely better not to.

Simon made sure the washer door closed properly before turning it on. Then he turned around and saw the tear stains on your face. His annoyance softened slightly, replaced by a mixture of surprise and concern. He crouched down to be more on your level, knowing it tended to comfort you when agere-related things happened.

" Hey," he placed a hand on your shoulder, "look at me, " he requested as gently as he could manage. It helped you realize his frustration was more at being awake, not directed toward you. Although it ate at you, you did lift your head for him. You blinked heavily at him so you could see him clearly. This caused your tears to practically pour.

" You know this is not your fault, right? Even the big boys have accidents sometimes, it's part of life. I'm not mad about the sheets, just... just be careful in the future, okay? "

Shock quickly washed over you. He was comforting you, not scolding you? It was gross what you had done, yet he was being so patient and sweet. You didn't deserve this, at least that's what you had convinced yourself. Despite what you told yourself, you did deserve this. You deserved every ounce of his love and affection.

" 'm sorry, " you mumbled up, raising your arms up to wipe your face even if it wasn't worth the effort. The words seemed to make you crumble. " Don know what happened, " you hiccuped as you began to cry freely at last.

Seeing you break down, Simon sighed and pulled you in for a hug. He held you tightly. It didn't feel right or fair, especially when you were still wearing gross clothes. It made you feel more guilty as much as you wanted the comfort.

" Don't apologize, it's okay, " he mumbled against your shoulder and slowly rubbed your back in soothing circles. " Sometimes these accidents happen and no one's to blame, " he said with a softer tone as he tried to soothe you. " Let's get you cleaned up and into some fresh clothes, yeah? "

" 'm gross, " you whined quietly, squirming in Simon's hold to get away from the hug. " 'm sorry, " you added, soon hiccuping out a sob.

Simon sighed, his annoyance returning as he tightened his hold. He wasn't as patient as John, unfortunately for you both.

" You're not gross. You just had an accident, it happens to everyone," he said firmly, hoping it would get through to you this time. "Now let's get you cleaned up, silly bug. "

With that said, he picked you up in a strong but gentle grip. Being picked up us 100% you're weakness, something you had found our several months ago. Mostly because Johnny absolutely loved carrying you around. In his arms, you slumped against him and calmed your crying faster than you'd care to admit. You buried your face into a mixture of his shoulder and chest, your favorite spot. Simon had turned off the laundry room light before leaving. He was quiet as he walked through the hallway, only a few steps before pushing obathroom downstairs bathroom door. He continued to hold you as he pulled the shower curtain closed and turned on the water. While standing there, he tested the water to make sure it didn't get too hot or cold.

It made you nervous, hoping that no one would be woken by the sound. The last thing you wanted to explain was your regression to John's family, let alone the fact you had an accident in the bed as a, now, 17-year-old. You didn't even want to tell Johnny.

Simon seemed to pick up on your nerves and spoke up, " Don't worry, Johnny's a deep sleeper and the others usually mind their own business. The shower won't disturb them," he said as he gently set you onto your feet. " Do you want help? "

You nodded without missing a beat. Both pair always made sure to ask, which helped in general. Even if sometimes the asking for permission to do something got a little out of hand. Without missing a beat, Simon began to help you out of your pants. He's become a pro at helping you with closed eyes too. You held onto his forearms for support while doing your part to get them off.

He knew how vulnerable you were feeling, so he spoke softly to soothe your nerves. " You're okay, " he repeated as he helped you step into the shower, clothes now disguarded safely. " Let's get you cleaned up, alright? You'll feel much better once you're clean. "

You hiccuped quietly and sniffled as you pulled the curtain of the shower closed. Simon waited patiently outside the shower, likely standing half leaning against the bathroom sink like he usually did at home. You did your best to bathe yourself, but you kept dropping the soap bottles and just about everything you tried to hold. The sound of it hitting the tile floor kept making your flinch. You felt so little, making it hard to control this bigger body of yours.

" It's okay, take your time, " Simon spoke up from the other side of the curtain, " You're doing great. "

The praise helped you. You sniffled and did your best. Somehow, you managed to not drop stuff as much. It did still happen, just not as frequently. When you finally finished, you turned off the water and peeked out from the curtain.

" Towel? " you mumbled quietly.

Simon's expression softened as he saw your clean face peeking out from behind the shower curtain. " Yeah, " he said gently, stepping closer to the shower and handing you a soft white towel. " All clean, eh? Good job. "

He remained nearby as you dried off, making sure you were comfortable and giving you a small smile of reassurance.

You to on the towel when it was offered, soon disappearing back behind the curtain to dry off. When you felt you were finished, you wrapped the fluffy towel around yourself then carefully got out of the shower. It wasn't an easy task, barely trusting yourself to not slip right now. However, with Simon keeping an eye on you, you didn't feel as anxious about it. You stood in the bathroom, shivering now from how cold you were without the warm water.

Simon looked around before spotting a robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door. It had one of John's sister's names on it, so he just grabbed it and plopped it onto you.

" Here, use this for now. "

" is okay? " you whispered as you wiggled around a bit to tie it in place and free yourself of the towel. It was big on you, not that you minded. Though you quickly noticed the ducks on it in a few spots. It made you giggle, so you showed him too.

" Oh that's cute, " Simon told you with a nod. He may not have agreed, but you didn't really care that much. " And yes it's okay, we're just borrowing it. "

You nodded slowly at that information. Taking his offered hand, he lead you all the way upstairs and back to John's childhood room. Much to your surprise, he was awake and laying on the air mattress, just on his phone. He blinked a few times when he noticed you two come in. First you, then Simon. He made sure to shut the door behind you two.

" Everything okay? " Johnny asked, quietly and gently.

You only nodded, looking to Simon who did the same. He didn't say a word. That much made you feel relieved and genuinely cared for.

" I noticed the sheets on the bed were gone, so I put a fresh pair on, " John told them while turning his attention back to his phone.

Nothing was added nor asked. It relieved you. Simon shuffled with you to the foot of both the beds, where there was a lot more space to comfortably stand.

" Anything you want to wear in particular? " he asked as he tugged open a drawer of the dresser in the closet. You quickly noticed the same, probably bite marks, all over the wooden furniture.

" 'm dunno, " you mumbled as you lifted your hand, soon chewing on your fingers. You just felt the need to have something to chew on.

" Hmmm, " Simon hummed as he shuffled through the clothes. " How about some sweatpants? I'll let you wear one of my shirts if you want. "

You paused your chewing to blink at you, even catching John look up from his phone in the corner of your eye. It had surprised you both. Simon was not a big clothes sharer, well willingly.

" Really? " you asked, sounding a tad more excited than you had meant to.

" Sure, why not, " he shrugged.

" kay! " you agreed, nodding your head and even bouncing a little.

It made him smile. In return you found yourself smiling too.

After getting dressed, with some help too, you ended up snuggling into the air mattress with Simon and Johnny. You were squished between them, though comfortably. John was still on his phone, smiling contently while he did whatever it was he was doing.

" Comfortable? " Simon has asked, getting you to look at him. You nodded after, moving to your side to face him then cuddling into his chest. He pulled one of the blankets to be around you better. " Good, " he sighed contently.

" Just relax now, we've got you, " he whispered before yawning and settling down himself.

You gently tugged on his shirt, making him look down at you. He looked barely awake, yet he still wanted to make sure you had everything yih needed.

" 'm wan 'm paci, " you mumbled you him, moving to chew on your thumb to emphasize what you wanted. He frowned.

" Not sure we packed it kiddo, sorry, " he told you sadly, hand rubbing your back.

You shook your head, shifting a little to your back to point to your backpack still settled in front of the nightstand.

" You packed it? " Simon questioned with surprise peeking on his tone.

" Mhm, " you admitted shyly. Yet, he was clearly proud of you with the way he squeezed you into a hug. Then he pulled out a spare pillow and smacked John with it.

" What on EARTH-" John yelped louder than he really should've.

" Y/N's pacifier is in their bag right next to your head. "

" Oh. "

John turned over to face where the bag was, tugging it over then shuffling through it. Soon, he turned over to face you both, showing off the prized pacifier he had fished out. You rolled to your back, opening your mouth for him to nicely place it in. Happily, you chewed on it. You didn't really move from there, clearly soothing yourself into such a sleepy state it was hard to move.

" So sweet, " the scot cooed as he shuffled over. He brushed some of your hair from your face, then snuggled up to you and Simon.

Judging by how quiet the older of you three are being, you figure he fell asleep at last.

" Better not kick in your sleep, " the younger man teased you. You huffed at him playfully, making him smile wider. " Okay okay, try to get a bit more sleep. Sure we'll all be up in a few more hours if you can't, " he told you, soon yawning too.

You caught the yawn, making him absolutely beam. He laid his arm over you, just above where Simon's was. Soon after, you were both falling back asleep together.

[aew-kun-age-regression]

GUESS WHO FINALLY WROTE THESE 💀 Sorry it took a hot minute to finish these- I got distracted, on another note there's gonna be some small Ghost Headcannons soon lmao. AAA it's nearly half 1 in the morning- I need to go to sleeppp

Regressor!Phillip Graves Headcannons

He's just small kiddo bless him, 0-4 age range.

He denies that he needs to regress/that he does. "I'm a man I don't need stupid stuff like that to cope." (Yes. Yes he does.)

So emotional. Anything and everything can and will set him off.

^ Gets so emotional when alone. He needs a Caregiver to help ground him because he's just too small, he needs cuddles and to be held and told that he isn't bad.

He's a biter. This goes for clothes, toys, and even people. Clothes and toys are normally just because of his young age however people tend to be when he's upset about everything. He doesn't want to hurt anyone or be bad he just gets overwhelmed quickly and if someone is there it normally make that worse, his default reaction is to do something that will get them to leave. (Chances are no he doesn't actually want them to leave, he just needs support.) It's made so much worse by Graves knowing that he shouldn't, it's instinct. He doesn't know why he bites the hand that feeds him. He is in constant need of reassurance that he shouldn't have done it but no one is angry at him for it, no one hates him for a reaction that he couldn't control at the moment. He can't tell the difference between the hand that wants to help him and the hand that wants to hurt him..

He has a duffle bag that he keeps his little gear in. He also stores an oversized hoodie, the hoodie is large and makes him feel small, it's plain black and very comfortable, therefore it's very discreet. It's only real purpose is to initially hide his regression gear if the bag is opened.

Graves is terrified that people won't want to be around him anymore. He gets these thoughts at random and it will completely consume his thoughts until he's reassured otherwise.

Punishments really just can't be done, it triggers him. He needs someone to talk through whatever he's 'in trouble' for and explain.

He cannot be put into timeout he will hyperventilate and has got to the point of passing out before.

On a bit of a happier note he is the utter cutest just curiously toddling around, taking in his surroundings like it's the first time he's ever seen it. (Even if he's seen it a million times before)

When he's deep in his headspace he finds himself scared of Ghost. (It's the mask.)

He had a freakout once and the others (Soap, Gaz and Ghost) were in the room. They were all regressed and no-one knew what to do without a Caregiver there to help out, helping Graves was always hard but Gaz wanted to try and do something. Gaz gets hit a few times in the process of getting close to him but he is eventually able to calm Graves down, running his hands in the younger boys hair.

When it comes to hanging out with other Regressors Gaz is definitely his favourite to be around, he just knows how to calm him down.

Colouring in >>>

If Price or Ghost cradle and/or rock him like a baby it's game over. He's asleep within 10 minutes. ❤️

[rhodesrider]

Brothers…

CG!Jey Uso x Little!Fem!Reader || CG! Jimmy Uso x Middle! Dasha (OC)

Warnings: Age regression, constant fighting (Acts that came from the result of the RR 2024), affirmations, mentions of kitchen knife, slight cussing

Minors DNI 18+

~

The twins both glare at each other as they sat across from each other. Not once have they broken eye contact, both remembering the showdown on Saturday before the other number came in. Both Y/N and Dasha both sat on the larger couch in the middle of the room a bit nervous to even say anything. Dasha looked over at Jimmy seeing his deadly glare, Y/N glanced usually seeing Jey in cheerful moods but it just seems so different it scared her some. Dasha sighed and grabbed her carebear sunshine and threw it straight at Jimmy. Y/N tried to stop her quick but it was too late, she launched it at Jimmy and soon saw it was caught while still having the stare down. “Princess no throwing things.” He said low as he mauled his brother with his eyes. “I’m trying to enjoy my play date with my bestie and you are acting like a butt.” She pouted. Soon Jey snapped out of it looking at Y/N, seeing the look on her face displeased him. Dasha rolled her eyes and grabbed Y/Ns hand taking her to her playroom. “Hopefully you two don’t kill yourselves.” She muttered as they went upstairs. Jey sat back in his chair, sighing at his actions seeing that it made Y/N upset. “Damn you can’t even be a good care-“ “You finish that sentence y’all gone need another table uce.” Jey hissed at Jimmy. Jimmy just smirked. “Oh so you dealing with Dasha like that made you Daddy of the year?” Jey confronted. Jimmy rolled his eyes but also remembered the look and words that Dasha gave. “Well it’s yo fault.” Jimmy said trying to put blame on his brother. Jey just gave him a look and sighed in defeat. “Shut up man.” “Don’t tell me to shut up.” At this point it’s sibling banter and they are gonna continue this for a while. Y/N was still listening in.

“Y/N you wanna have a tea party? Jimmy finally let me get a kettle in my playroom! I just have to be careful.” Y/N didn’t say a word while sitting on the highest step just listening to them. “I miss it when they were friends…” Y/N held on to her teddy bear sighing remembering when Jey was in the bloodline and they were getting along. It’s kind of confusing and too much for her now. Dasha sympathized with her. “I know, Daddy has been so different since working with uncle Roman more and uncle solo. But it’s their job. He doesn’t wanna let family down…” “He let his brother down.” Y/N mumbled. Dasha doesn’t agree with all the bloodline does, so again she understood where Y/N came from. “Hey I know, wanna have a picnic outside?” Dasha smiled. “You think right now is the perfect time to have a lunch?” Y/N asked. “It’s the perfect time sweetie.” She smirked having a great idea.

After a while of silence, the twins were wondering what the girls were up to. They soon saw them running down the stairs with tablecloths and a white basket. “No running.” Jimmy voiced and they slowed down. “What are y’all up to anyway?” Jey asked. “Picnic.” Dasha said plainly and continued to get ready. Y/N did the same and got up ingredients for the food they were gonna make. “Do y’all need some-“ “No.” The girls said in sync and the twins looked at each other. Not in a murder way but a concerned daddy way. “Ok…y’all call us if you need us.” They continued to get stuff together, Dasha was the oldest in her headspace so she handled sharp stuff. She grabbed a big knife though and Jimmy jumped up going to her. “Babygirl here’s a butter knife.” “But I can’t cut the sandwiches with this daddy.” “I’ll cut the sandwiches then I just don’t want you hurting yourself mamas.” She nodded and got a kiss on her forehead. Dasha sent a small signal to Y/N and soon she went to climb the counter. Jey quickly ran to get her down. “Baby why?” “I need to get the peanut butter for the ants on a log.” Jey sighed and got the peanut butter down for her, “Next time princess asked for me not just do it yourself, I don’t want you hurt.” Jey smiled. She nodded. “Can you help me with my sandwiches and treat please papa?” Y/N smiled. Jey glanced at Jimmy who wasn’t even worried about him anymore. He was busy helping Dasha and praising her on the amounts of food she’s measuring right. Jey nodded and helped her on the other side of the kitchen.

Dasha and Y/N placed the food outside after the twins helped them set up. “Y’all made a lot of food.” Jimmy said a bit hungry himself. Y/N sat her teddy down in a chair next to her. “Yea we did.” Dasha said glancing at him while putting on her tiara. “We could join y’all if you want.” Jey suggested. “Sure just don’t start fighting? Unless you can’t do that.” Dasha said and sat down. Jimmy saw that a bit unfair looking at Jey, “Come on mamas.” “No there is no come on, you two fight more than me and Angelica. Either you two stop bickering and sit with us, or you go back in the house and fight.” Dasha voiced. Y/N looked at Jey, he looked back and sighed. “Jimmy, I know you don’t like me right now but it’s for the girls…” Jimmy looked at Dasha who gave him the ultimatum and sipped out her cup. “Fine…” “What was that?” Jey asked. “I’ll do it. But this don’t change anything-“ “Please Mister Jimmy…” Y/N said low playing with her shirt just wanting them to get along for now. Jey saw the look in her eyes and sat down across from Y/N. “Come on man.” Jimmy sighed and went to sit next to his brother. “Is that turkey?” Jimmy asked getting a nod from Dasha and getting the sandwich. At first it was awkward, but then they started laughing, telling stories on old times of fighting together and even when they were little. Y/N smiled mouthing to Dasha thank you, she nodded and she grabbed an ant on a log stick giggling.

After the picnic, they cleaned up and got their stuff together to get ready to go. “Today was fun!” Y/N said hugging Dasha, she hugged back and the brothers still were talking to each other with no sign of murder. “Me too! Can she come back next weekend?” Jimmy and Jey looked at each other and smiled. “Sure princess.” Dasha smiled and Y/N hugged Jey happy. “Come on baby it’s getting late.” Jey dapped his brother up and walked out the door but realized what he just did. “Huh.” Jimmy smirked, Jey looked back seeing his brother flip a bird. “You still an enemy uce.” ��Just set it to the side for the girls.” He smirked and returned the bird. “OOOOOOO IM TELLING UNCLE ROMAN!” Jimmy quickly got in the house. “Ayo chill!” Jey laughed and looked at Y/N, who was calling Cody. “Hey wait I’m sorry angel!” She giggled locking the car so she could continue her snitching. “Come on baby I’m sorry!!!” Jey cried out.

Y/N was just happy to see the twins together somewhat, she was tired of the fighting so why not get them to work in the same place. Dasha and her were happy the plan worked and also had an awesome day. Happy that the fighting stopped. For now.

[celticwolf55]

It's really cool when writers have playlists for their fics cause then you see what fits woth the story and all. Fake it till you make it is the first of your fics I read and it's one of my favorites so it's nice to see that playlist.

I've never heard reckless driving before but it's really good. Like "guess I'd die to keep your eyes on me"? For wenclair? Breathtaking honestly. I've only heard one other song by this artist and theyre making me a fan of hers. The song is Hate to be lame in case you're interested.

And epic omg I first heard about it late 2021/early 2022 and I've been obsessed since. I've waited so long that I'm kinda sad it'll be over soon. Just a man is one of the best songs from epic. All the edits to it are so good they hurt. Ruthlessness has to be my favorite though cause that's where it finally hits them how screwed they are.

I'm left without a choice and without a doubt

Guess the pack of wolves is swimming with the shark now

I've gotta make you bleed, I need to see you drown

And

You are far too nice, mercy has a price

It's the final crack, we're bound to break the ice now

You reveal your name, then you let him live

Unlike you, I've got no mercy left to give 'cause

Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves

These lyrics are golden. Different beast is up there for me too. Do you have a favorite song or saga?

I know it's a lot, my bad, but in my defense wenclair and epic are my hyperfixations and together is even better.

I feel that having a playlist, even if I don't always listen to it when I'm writing, it really helps get me into the headspace of the story. Fake it is the first popular fic that people have read of mine, which is totally fair since my earlier stuff wasn't that great. And I'm glad that you enjoyed the playlist I put together for it.

Reckless driving was something I literally listened to on repeat for MONTHS because it was what gave the good creative juices for writing, and the beat was great as well when the lyrics just faded into the background in my braid. The lyrics also hit really hard too, so I totally get your reaction to them. I haven't heard the song you're talking about, but Ceilings was also a song I listened to on repeat for a similar reason.

Now to Epic. I found it mid to late last year I think. Back when the Cyclops saga was the most recent one out. All of the edits and animatics were so incredible as well, adding different things to the songs and elevating them in different ways too. Ruthless is an incredible song too. It's the first time that Odysseus has some really harsh consequences and it hardens him in general (apart from Polities' death). And yeah, you get to feel how badly he's messed up too. I also remember how incredible the goosebumps were when that scrapped song was going around 'Get in the water'. It was so intense.

You're totally fine. I like your enthusiasm. I just spent several hours making a video of about 3 years worth of artworks I've done for Wenclair to my recent stuff. Hopefully I get inspired into making more artworks to hopefully finish the song I have behind it.

[amailboxlemur]

Three years ago today I watched Young Royals for the first time.

Story time/long post incoming. I wasn’t in a great headspace at the time, but let me try to set the scene.

Spring of 2021 was still pretty deep in the pandemic. My province had been on lockdown (number 3) since the beginning of April and I hated working from home. Partly because teaching online piano lessons sucks. But also I live alone, and lockdown is too much alone time no matter how introverted you are. I think that spring I went about 6 weeks without speaking to someone in person who wasn’t like a grocery store cashier.

I decided to go stay with my parents for a few weeks so I could get some human interaction. At the time, I was mooching off my former roommate’s Netflix that was still signed in to our living room TV, so I didn’t have Netflix access.

I also love Red White and Royal Blue, and all of a sudden in early July the fandom got flooded. There were gifs of two unfamiliar teenage boys all over my dash. Fanart of two boys who looked like Alex and Henry captioned “Wilhelm and Simon”. There were a bunch of crossover fics popping up on AO3. I was curious, but mostly I just wanted to get a feel for the characters so I could read said crossover fics.

July 12th was my first day back teaching in person. (Side note: the health precautions we had in place for those lessons were WILD). I came back from my parents place in the morning, taught in the late afternoon/evening and returned home around 8 pm. I made supper and figured I’d try watching an episode of this “Young Royals” thing. I started it and remember groaning when I realized it was in Swedish so I’d have to focus and read subtitles instead of watching mindlessly (I’m too pretentious to watch the dubbed version, but it had been a long day)

“Oh that’s a beautiful boy with a beautiful voice singing… I can keep going…”

“Ohhh they’re about to kiss… wait what? How does episode 1 just end there??? I have to watch another episode!”

“Yay they finally kissed!! But how will Wilhelm react?? It’s not even 11 yet, I think I can watch one more”

“Erik is dead. I knew this was coming because I saw the “beta read but Erik’s still dead” tag on AO3 but totally forgot! How will this affect my boys?? One more episode, just to see if wilhelm pushes Simon away again”

“Ok good, they’re together. August sucks though, I can see where this is going and why there seem to be so many comparisons to rwrb. But it’s past midnight so I’ll have to keep watching tomorrow… wait there’s only two more episodes?? Might as well finish”

Before I knew it, it was 2 am and I was crying on my living room couch. I NEVER get into new shows, I have tons of things I watched 1-3 episodes of and then quit, so I couldn’t believe I binged the entire thing. It was late so I went to sleep.

In the morning I woke up and the rabbit hole began. I read all the fics on AO3, I started following young royals stuff on tumblr. I googled the actor who played Simon and found out he’s an actual Swedish pop star? I think he was among the first artists I followed using my then brand new Spotify account. I followed both Omar and Edvin on instagram, along with Lisa (other actors followed later). I watched all the young royals promo videos on YouTube, including the Hillerska choir performance. That entire summer was spent diving down Omar’s back catalog of Foo vlogs. Some of them are in Swedish, but I remember watching them intensely, as if I would magically understand if I tried hard enough. I started learning Swedish on duolingo.

When season 2 was released, I fully quit all social media for WEEKS to avoid spoilers. I spent 3 days carefully messing up my sleep schedule so I could wake up and watch it at 3 am. When season 3 was released I was such an excited puppy dog that I didn’t sleep at all. I watched it at 3 am and spent the whole rest of the day amped up and on tumblr.

I remember all kinds of fun and significant days in the fandom: Rockbjörnen 2021, musikhjälpan 2021. The lead up and release of Mi Casa Su Casa. The release of OMR. Omar gave me a birthday present in 2022 when he performed “breathe” on Nyhetsmorgon on my birthday. Gay gala 2022 but especially 2023. Both boys have done incredible sommarpratar. So many other galas and performances and photoshoots I’d be here all day listing them all out.

Becoming an Omar fangirl was also surprising. I don’t listen to or follow pop music (my definition of which is incredibly broad so yes, Omar’s music qualifies). Like, I’ve never had a favourite artist before? One who’s work I actively follow and whose releases I know about in advance and look forward to?

Omar announced his concert at Cirkus in November of 2023 and it fell at the end of a semester break from work. I could go without needing to refund or makeup any missed lessons. It felt like a sign. That week was genuinely one of the best in my life, words can’t even describe it. A transatlantic flight, a week in Europe. I got to see Kaggeholm. I met Omar at Lyko. I stood in general admission 3 rows back from the stage and heard Omar sing live and sang along with other fans. It was surreal. Shout out to @yrblogbaby @the-words-we-sung @crownedwille and @omarsimp, wow you’re all amazing. There was a queer joy to hanging out with y’all that weekend that I don’t get too often irl.

Since then, I’ve tried to internalize a little bit more the idea of community in fandom. I’m still not super out there, but I try to interact more. I lurked in this fandom (and so many others) for years. I made this account in something like 2011 and until recently I probably had less than 50 posts.

So yeah… saying this show changed my life feels dramatic but also accurate. Hopefully here’s to more years to come, and more good memories when I head to New York this fall!

[cannibalisticdespair]

Hey, how's it going? If you don't mind answering, how's the system constructed? Who's in there? If you do mind answering, what's your favourite colour?

It’s myself (Krys, she/her), Junko (Junko fictive, she/her), Zaedel (my twin since we formed at the same time for bad prolonged trauma reasons, he/him), Cherry (he/she and don’t consistently use one, bigender little who takes after the original host in some ways but is a more idealized version, mentally 8-10), and Val (she/her, oldest one here, grew up with the original host but Zaedel and I only became aware of her much later on because historically she existed for “we need to be a vicious feral beast to match the energy of the family screaming matches and whatnot” reasons, but has been rehabilitating you could say).

Headspace-wise, I just look how I look with maximum effort. Zaedel meanwhile has our dad’s olive skin tone (lifelong outdoor loving and working Sicilian man), stubble to a short beard, long black hair, and black molting angel wings. And usually a leather jacket. Junko’s mostly canon, just the clothing tends to be more early 2010s emo girl. Fishnet tops and a bra or shirt where the sleeves and neck are cut out and the back is sliced up, ripped skinny jeans, docs or converse, a black/red/danganronpa blood pink color scheme.

Cherry is an androgynous, pale, heavily freckled boygirl with long brown hair and brown eyes, usually a black tanktop, shorts, and flip flops. And Val looks like a cross between the HL2 rotting corpse with the real corpse face and Samara from The Ring if she was actually depicted as a waterlogged corpse that’s been sitting there for a week or two (we had unrestricted internet access starting in the 2000s, we have quite the frame of reference).

Zaedel and I formed in tandem with the death of the original host. Originally, he held all the trauma memories from before we formed and I had near-total amnesia. He also spent a few years trying to get me to kill ourselves because he couldn’t take control of the body over it. LSD changed us and our dynamic, and also caused a slowly rising amount of access to the memories for me.

Val we didn’t really realize was a headmate until more recently because of her purely utilitarian fronting and lack of communication, but once we started talking it became clear she was the first one to form. The original host was extremely timid and shy and nervous, which didn’t really work for the environment we grew up in. So Val was the fighter.

Cherry and Junko both broke off of me. Cherry started out as my littlespace, but more and more life stress and stuff eventually snapped him off entirely and made her his own thing.

Junko meanwhile is a mix of causal factors. One, writing hundreds of thousands of words of fic in the 2010s with my method. Which is “I just place these semi-independent thoughtforms of characters in a situation with a little bit of scripting and prose-journal what happens”. Two, strengthening that with constant listening to a playlist build around her for years. Three, more LSD, which led to our first direct conversation enabled by a poster of her (the Egirl Junko art by JunkoEXE). Four, yet more psychological trauma. What finally led to her permanently emerging was me accidentally getting triggered and restoring my earliest CSA trauma memories, which broke me pretty bad. Like… I thought it began way later than that. She took on pieces that broke off of me when that happened and it finished her.

Name-wise, I stole mine from an emo girl I knew in high school. Zaedel thought up his after a few years with a mix of “it needs to have the right mouthfeel and also needs to end in -el”. Cherry got hers from a friend of ours. Junko is Junko, that’s just her name. And Val is short for Valerie and is a nerdy joke about her being our “evil side”. It’s a feminine name play on “Valeyard”.

And also, my favorite color is purple. Junko’s is anything in the red/magenta/pink spectrum. Zaedel is black. Cherry really likes green and blue. Val is the sorts of purples you get from bruising and discoloration on a corpse.

[spaceorphan18]

Okay, some end of vacation thoughts.

While always going back to work is hard, I think my vacation was incredibly successful in getting me feeling like I'm in a good place again. My home is clean. My projects are organized. And I feel pretty good. (Clearly, we'll see how this goes when I have to add 40 hours of work back into my schedule.)

I feel like I'm finally where I was maybe two years ago before I moved down to Indiana.

I have lots of things I want to work on -- and I'm actually working on them and enjoying them. And... I kind of can't believe how terrible it was for a while, because I really didn't do anything for nearly a year. Eesh. Thank you to all over you who stayed with me during that time.

Meanwhile... the state of things...

I watched Home tonight! The musical retrospective is back on! I'm ready to jump back into it.

I've also got my fic stuff worked out, and I think what I'm really going to try to do is not stress about getting everything done at once. It's small steps and little victories.

Also, yes, I know I said I'd write up thoughts on the Darren interview with Kevin and Jenna. I was going to get that done this week and I just ran out of time, but it's still in the plan!

I do also have an X-Men project I'm working on, which probably isn't exciting to most of you, but I'm very excited to be working on it. However - it won't be taking over my blog anymore than stuff already has.

Also, also, I'm planning on continuing reading (I have so much to read), finishing up my Marvel Movie Nights, and even getting some piano practice and maybe genealogy stuff done.

It's a lot. Yes. It's all about balance. And pacing.

I am a little sad to see my free time go, but I'm hoping I keep this - in a good mental headspace - as I head back into work.

I suppose we'll see.

Thanks for letting me think out loud.

<3 <3

[pluralsword]

Months Later, Earthspark...

So... we didn't forget about Earthspark.

How could we? We've said we think it's the overall best Transformers show so far in 2023 CE, we were very excited at how it tackled how gender and alt-mode can relate to each other (except the Jawbreaker episode was a disappointment what with how masculinity problems were basically substituted for dinosaurs and mixed up with what should have been a PTSD narrative for Grimlock separate from Jawbreaker's aesthetic journey, and on the subject of rage that came here you would sure think the warrior teacher gal Robbie's asks if she'd show her "beserker rage" would have had some advise), the prison abolition stuff is cool, Arcee was fantastic and so very clearly drawing on her IDW iterations to the point we were hoping she'd talk about gender stuff onscreen and it would unfortunately seem that is not likely to happen... So we were enthused, but also frustrated, with how the Terran and Cybertronian aspects of life are almost always only seen through the lens of anatomy, vague history, or the oppression they go through under an ICE allegory, and qualms that have been touched on how the Terrans are basically raised without connection or celebration of transformer societal practices along with false equivalencies of the Transformers to human immigrants to the USA and uh well... ...there were some things that squicked us about some of the threats the characters faced that reminded us of childhood traumas from media and socialization growing up and we don't feel like getting into it directly too much.

We wanted to write something that honored the parts we liked while navigating how we think the bots in-universe would feel about the stuff the show didn't cover or the traumas they were put through, and how they may have tackled that offscreen, if only because we feel the deep want to. So... several months ago, after writing part of the first chapter but not being in the emotional headspace to actually finish it what with other things in life going on, we got back to it in November:

All Souls' Reforging is Neverending, which you can read on Ao3, here's the summary:

After the events of Season 1 Episode 19 "A Stygi Situation", Grimlock and Jawbreaker are in the forest when Grim gets a call from his close friend and old revolutionary war pal, Arcee, who's checking on him and offering to hang out beyond the notice of GHOST to help with his healing process, as Grimlock had done for her twice in the past. Grimlock happily agrees, and Jawbreaker goes along as well. In the Autobot's hideaway, Arcee and Grimlock detail to Jawbreaker some of the depths of peaceful transformer history and society that overlap and differ from humanity, the hierarchy that disrupted that legacy, and the Autobot rise after. Arcee also gives him some tools to embrace his strength to be gentle. As a neurodiverse trans system with some gal gender stuff & a second generation immigrant background who navigated anger and rage and pain over otherness and alienation, it was a bit saddening to see how awkward the guy-gal dynamic was in "A Stygi Situation" and that Arcee wasn't present with her own insight on rage as a tool with reason and ethos. So we wrote this, Chapter 2 and 3 will be about Arcee, Nova Storm, & Skywarp navigating traumas from episodes after, and how they seek closure.

For people who are okay with chapter spoilers, you can find the chapter 2 summary below. we dunno when we're gonna write chapter 3, rather busy:

Nova Storm and Skywarp have been through a lot. Veterans of the war against Functionism, they fell from the ethos of solidarity then by helping fight for the Decepticon Empire. In the aftermath of that war, they ended up on the run from GHOST on an unfriendly world, had to turn to the cruel and hateful Dr. Mandroid for sustenance and vengeance, endured imprisonment, faced off against the terrifying and repulsively invasive Dweller of the Depths, and finally became part of the reckoning that brings down GHOST. Trauma hits differently for everyone, and for Nova Storm, her encounter with the Dweller has left her unable to enjoy embraces and kisses from her partner Skywarp, and she still struggles with anger and sadness over how helpless she felt. So, when the dust settles after the Season 1 finale, Nova Storm turns for help from one of her old combat unit friends among the Autobots, Arcee… and she and Skywarp realize almost immediately that the violation of autonomy by mind control that Arcee experienced from GHOST likely left her in need of help as well, so mutual healing and reconciliation is sought… along with resolve to make joy and mourn for all that has come to pass.

So uh, yeah, this chapter also deals with how icky the Dweller in the Depths episode was (particularly but certainly not limited to the way the Dweller held Nova Storm reminded us of sexual(ized) violence. to be honest) in a way that we think the characters might in retrospect.

Again, you can read All Souls' Reforging is Neverending, which you can read on Ao3. Also, please feel free to reach out to us about this writing or comment, we know it covers sensitive topics even if with a g-rated framework.

[ghostcaterwaul]

My Thoughts On Rory Culkin Movies/Characters That Absolutely No One Asked For!

My thirst for Rory Culkin has been reignited thanks to TikTok, so I’ve been (re-)watching a lot of his movies this past week, and I have a lot to say.

Jack Goes Home - About 20 minutes in (the dinner scene with Jack and his mother), I knew I was definitely not in the headspace for this movie, but at that point I was like “I’m not gonna stop 20 minutes in, ffs”, so I got stoned and kept watching. Also took an edible which I kinda regret because watching the last like, half of that movie that fucking baked? A bit too intense, ngl. Oh and the “I don’t need help. I’m fixing things.” part? I feel like that’s what I look like to my roommate when I’m very obviously spiraling in some PTSD/Borderline episode and in denial about it. Like, that’s gotta be the vibes I give off (My roomie watched this part with me, and I mentioned this, and he agreed so… yikes.) The ending with Jack going back into the house kinda fucked me up, emotionally.

Gabriel - I tried to watch this immediately after watching Jack Goes Home and ended up having to stop halfway through and watch the rest the next day. First half was hitting a little too close to home and I couldn’t handle it directly after Jack Goes Home. Cried a little when I did finally finish it.

Intruders - Overall a good movie. Gave me a bit of anxiety because home intrusion stuff freaks me out. Worth it due to Rory’s character, Dan, whimpering and whining while getting absolutely wrecked for a decent portion of the movie. That cry he lets out when his knee is relocated? An absolute blessing.

Welcome to Willits - The movie itself isn’t the best but I enjoyed it. Maybe it would have been better if I had gotten more stoned, tbh. Possum is my absolute favorite Rory character though. Possum deserved better.

The Song of Sway Lake - Ngl, I felt like this one moved kinda slowly. I got bored at one point, checked the time stamp, realized I was only halfway through, and had to come back to it the next day. So, not my favorite Rory Culkin movie but I do think his hair looks the best in this one.

Scream 4 - So, I’ll be honest, I’m not like, an avid fan of the Scream franchise or anything, mainly due to the fact I’m not big on slasher films. However, I love horror movies and the Scream franchise seems like required viewing for any horror fan. I do enjoy the genre-aware characters and the meta-ness of the franchise and I think a lot of it is pretty clever. However, I don’t really revisit these movies all too often. That being said, I’m just going to focus on Rory’s character, Charlie, because that’s all I really feel qualified to talk about. I love Charlie so much. Definitely one of my favorite Rory characters, ngl. Probably a close second to Possum. Also, seeing him tied to that chair? And then the “Shh, shh, I know, I know”??? I have a lot of very inappropriate things to say about all that.

Electrick Children - This was what really got me thirsting over Rory when I watched it about 10-ish years ago. I hadn’t seen it in forever so it was nice to rewatch it. I don’t really have as much to say about this one as I thought I would. Clyde does hold a special place in my heart, though, as the first Rory character I fell in love with.

[littletail]

Baby regressor reader with caregiver Sting? Since he became guild master he hasn't had a lot of time for her so she end up breaking down and Yukino and Rogue try to calm her down (they don't know she regresses) So when Yukino summons Libra she tells them what age regression is Rogue and Yukino start comforting her. Rogue rocks her and sucks on his cloak and Yukino feeds her a bottle and then when Sting comes back there's more stuff with him?

(Guys I finally finished one lol. I got a burst of energy tonight, so I finally got this one done! So sorry for the inconvenient wait!)

You rested your head on the table. Your Papa promised he’d spend more time with you, but even since he became the Guildmaster, that promise has become harder to fulfill.

You tried not to let it get to you too badly, since you understood the importance of the job, but that doesn’t mean you had to be okay with it. 

You inhaled deeply, trying to focus on keeping your headspace at bay. With Papa busy and the others unaware of your regression, you weren’t exactly keen on slipping here, in the middle of the Guildhall. You couldn’t risk them finding out with how they used to be under Jiemma’s rule.

As far as they were concerned, age regression was some silly thing that only weak people did, but you weren’t weak! You were one of the stronger members of the Guild! But that wouldn’t mean much if anybody found out. Only Sting, and by extension Lector, knew about it, but they would never hurt you like the others might!

Besides, you were a big, patient girl! You could wait for him to become unbusy and then the two of you would spend the whole afternoon together!

But that didn’t stop the headache currently forming. You always got a nasty headache when you needed to slip but didn’t. That just upset you more and it was getting harder to be patient and wait for your Papa.

You tapped your fingers on the table in a mix of impatience and slowly growing distress. Distress that only got worse when you started worrying about your Guildmates noticing.

You gulped quietly. Maybe you should just head home and slip on your own, but with how small you were feeling right now, you weren't sure you could make it back safely. 

And that just made you panic more. With you slipping and the inability to go home which meant you were surrounded by people who would likely call for your expulsion for this ‘weakness,’ you were done for.

And Papa wasn't here to make it better! 

You pressed your forehead into the table, gripping your head, involuntarily digging your nails in as your breathing picked up.

You vaguely felt a hand on your back and heard voices that sounded distant, but you weren’t focused on those right now.

Your heart pounded uncomfortably in your chest as you covered your ears. You didn’t want to be here right now, and breathing was difficult, and your heart wouldn’t stop, and-

A hand lifted your head, and you spotted Libra looking into your eyes with Yukino standing behind her.

Everything suddenly eased up and you felt as if you could breathe easy again.

“I balanced her emotions,” Libra stated, then turned to Yukino, “There was quite a bit of turmoil going on..”

“Well, can you tell us what happened?” Rogue asked, holding Frosch in his arms. You met the Exceed’s eyes and smiled. You liked Frosch. Frosch was cute.

“Hm.. Pisces’s mother half would be able to explain it better, but to put it simply, she’s a regressor.”

You gulped. This wasn’t how today was supposed to go!

“Oh! I think Sora’s brought up the concept before!” Yukino exclaimed, smiling brightly. Rogue glanced at her, giving her a confused look. “Regressors have a mental state, or headspace, that they slip into and it causes them to behave more childlike,” Yukino quickly explained.

“Which means..” Rogue prompted.

“It’s helpful for people who’ve gone through trauma, missed out on a proper childhood, or to help with stress.”

“Ah, I see,” Rogue said, then glanced down at you. “How old are you feeling right now?”

The question didn’t quite register in your fuzzy mind. You just turned your gaze down to your hands and fiddled with them.

“She might be too young to answer, but that’s okay!” Yukino said.

You hiccuped. This wasn’t how today was supposed to go, and you didn’t know where Papa was, and the others now know and who knows how they’d treat you from now on, and you just couldn’t do this!

“I-I want Papa!” you wailed, covering your face.

Rogue gently placed Frosch down, then picked you up and took your place in the seat, cradling you to his chest, “Shh.. easy.. Who’s Papa? How can we help?”

“Papa busy.. Papa always so busy now..”

Rogue and Yukino glanced up at each other in near unison as the realization dawned on both of them.

“Well.. Papa will come back soon..” Rogue tried to assure. He didn’t seem all that good at this but he was trying and you appreciated it anyway. You always liked when he spoke softly to you. He and Yukino were always the more polite ones.

“We can take care of you until he gets back. It won’t take long, I promise,” Yukino said, ruffling your hair.

“Does she have anything?” Libra asked. “Regressors usually have items for their regression.”

“Good question.. Um.. Hey, Sweetheart?” Yukino gently placed a hand under your chin, lifting your gaze, “Do you have anything that will help us care for you?”

You buried your face in his chest, biting lightly on his cloak. Rogue made a face, but didn’t say anything other than, “Does that help you feel better?” as he patted your back.

You made a quiet noise as you snuggled closer to him.

“I wonder if she has any little gear stored in the Guildhall,” Yukino thought aloud. “I’ll go looking! Maybe I can find something to help! Libra?”

“I’ll help too,” the Spirit nodded. And with that, the two took off. Rogue hoped they would return soon since he had little to no idea on how to handle a regressor on his own. Fortunately, he didn’t have long to wait since Yukino hurried back out, brandishing something excitedly. It was a baby bottle, obviously altered to suit an adult better.

“I found this along with some formula stocked in the back of the kitchen,” she said. She shook it, which grabbed your attention. “Does our little baby want her baba?” she cooed, holding it up to your mouth. Thankfully, you took it and started nursing. The familiarity of your bottle helped lessen your tears. Rogue gently bounced you as you drank.

“Aww, she’s so cute like this! I never imagined she had such a soft side to her!” Yukino squealed.

“I understand why she and Sting hid it before, but why after he became Guildmaster?” Rogue asked as he shifted you in his arms.

“I suppose they were just used to it? Or they were too worried to let the rest of us know..” Yukino sighed, “But all that matters is that we do now and we can help them with it if they’re okay with it!”

Rogue chuckled, “Yep.”

“Hey now! What do we have here?” a familiar voice caused all three of you to jump and look up. It was Sting, looking down at you with his usual fond smile.

“PAPA!” you lunged for him, nearly taking Rogue out of his seat as you did so. Fortunately, both of them were able to prevent either of you from hitting the floor. Sting pulled you into his arms and booped your nose, “Be careful, Kiddo! You almost wiped out both Rogue and yourself!”

“S-sorry..”

“Nothing to be sorry about. I’m happy to see you too,” he nuzzled your face, which prompted a giggle out of you. Things became so much easier with Papa back.

“So, I guess you two know now?” he turned to Rogue and Yukino. Yukino giggled sheepishly, “I hope it’s alright.”

“Well, I’m sure this one doesn’t mind! Did they treat you well?” he nuzzled you again. You giggled and clapped happily. “Well, I guess that settles it!”

He adjusted you in his arms to make you more comfortable, “I finally have the rest of the day off. Paperwork..” he muttered the last word under his breath, “So, shall we spend the rest of the day together?”

“Yes, Papa!”

[summonerluna]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by: @aleheartilly

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 32

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 212,833

3. What fandoms do you write for? FFVIII, and recently Wild!Verse Legend of Zelda

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Second Time Around (42) (LoZ)

The President (36) (ff8)

Ain't No Sunshine (26) (ff8)

no quarter (22) (ff8)

Or From That Sea of Time (21) (ff8)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I am starting to. Because ffnet had a PM system instead of just a reply, my anxiety usually got the best of me and made me nervous to reply even if I wanted to just say "thanks! and I just used ao3 as a mirror site. Now that I am exclusively using ao3 and have a better grip on some of those anxieties, I want to interact more with people again and want to make sure people know how much I appreciate the comments.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Lazarus

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Since I mostly write one-shots and I don't know that any of them really have happy endings? The Successor still managed to have a fairly happy ending though despite the overall story being filled with death and angst.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not in the form of comments, but I know there are people who do not like me

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Sometimes, but rarely anything x-rated.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? No, although I love imagining characters from different worlds crossing paths.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I am aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, thanks to the amazing @aleheartilly!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, with @irishais

14. What's your all-time favourite ship? Squall/Rinoa, always and forever, and I think like 90% of my recent Zelink brainrot is because of all the Squinoa parallels they have in botw/totk!verse

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I don't know. I don't want to say Dissolve because I don't want to admit I won't finish it, but my headspace is SO DIFFERENT from where it was when I started writing that, I think the only way I could finish at this point is to restart it and I'm not sure I want to do that.

16. What are your writing strengths? Writing place. Some stories are character-driven, some are plot-driven, and I think I write location-driven more often than I don't.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Starting something new because of that ADHD need to chase dopamine when I still have a billion WIPs. And being too vague because I'm afraid of being overly descriptive so I swing too far in the opposite direction.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I have in original stuff, but not in fic.

19. First fandom you wrote for? I wrote Hanson RPF when I was a wee young tween, living in the days of dial-up and printing off fics on my parents' dot matrix printer because I couldn't stay online long enough to read them, and staying up writing until I heard my dad get up to get ready for work. Then in hs I wrote a few LotR things before Final Fantasy took over my life once I got to college.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? Fifteen Minutes Old

Tagging: @msstarlight @suleikashideaway @irishais @angelosearch though if you see this please do it because it's fun!

[aintgonnatakethis]

Hi Ian!

Thank you for the wip tag, I might gonna skip this time since it didn't change from the last one few days ago (I'm a slooooooooooooooooooooow writer 😁)

By the way, I'm curious about your :

Other SGU : Your Own Worst Enemy,

if you feel like sharing 🙏

Thanks for the ask @gioiaalbanoart! 😄

Content warning for Your Own Worst Enemy Answer: non-explicit discussion of sexual assault First excerpt: I would describe as non-explicit just-prior-to-the-event, but be safe Second excerpt: memories of child abuse Third excerpt: verbal and psychological abuse between partners but nothing sexual

I started writing this massive thing in 2022 and haven't posted any of it yet because I think I need to finish it completely first, due to the sensitive nature of the subject material. It's also quite heavy work to write as it's so serious and delves as deeply as I can into the trauma of Rush, Young, Telford, and Destiny all suffering from some form of sexual assault, varied in method, severity, reaction, and aftermath. So I have to be a very specific headspace to be able to work on it, which I haven't since *checks* a year ago!

It's also the first story I started writing with the aim of posting to AO3 (there was the 450k extravaganza I wrote while lockdown was ongoing to keep myself sane - with there being 2 vulnerable people in my house it was quite a bit longer than the official lockdown - but I never intend on posting that because the start requires a full rewrite due to me being off the pace quality-wise after years out. There are also a lot of other people's ideas in there. Basically I wrote it just for myself and have been rereading it recently and picking bits out that I think I can work into the current stuff I'm writing). Tangent over 😂

The starting premise of Your Own Worst Enemy is one I've seen used a few times: foraging on a planet, Young gets dosed, attacks Rush. I wanted to take that in different directions than I'd previously seen written, and focus heavily on the 'sometimes you never recover' angle. So I highly doubt it'll have a happy ending, but there's so much focus in media and fandom on recovery being something everyone always "succeeds" at and I'm just like… It can be messy, one-step-forwards-two-steps-back, angry, destructive, dangerous… Basically I want all four of them to be the most IMperfect victims they could possibly be.

First excerpt is from right at the beginning. I have Telford-being-the-hero disease. (Read: so does he, he desperately wants to be the Big Hero, even if he'd scoff if someone said it out loud.)

There's a flicker of movement from the stairs, the shadow coalescing into a human shape. Rush's heart leaps in his chest. No one on the ship likes him but surely they won't walk away from Young raping him, no matter how much blind loyalty the man somehow inspires. When the man's face finally comes into the light it's Telford, his eyebrows raised high in surprise but a light smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. Rush heart sinks. The sound of a zipper comes from behind him and Telford's eyes follow the movement, not even sparing Rush a glance. He probably thinks this is what Rush deserves, what he's got coming for all the shit he makes Young put up with. He chokes back bile as Telford turns away to make his way back up the stairs. "Help me!" Now Telford looks at him for the first time, pausing with one foot on the stairs. He looks unsure, his forehead creasing as his eyes dart back and forth between Rush and Young. Please, Rush thinks, for the love of god please. "Hey, Everett," Telford says casually, his foot coming back down off the step. Thank you. Thank you.

Second excerpt is quite a ways in and won't make a bit of sense out of context, but it's one of the bits I'm most proud of. 😊

Something is wrong. He can feel it, a creeping horrifying sensation beneath his skin, as if his veins are being slowly plucked like violin strings. Spaghetti-like tubes slither into him, dragging and clogging and taking up space that should be empty. He feels his heart stutter as if from very far away. "It's important," a voice whispers to him. There is grief wrapped hard around the words, a loneliness that slips into the edges of his consciousness and sinks its claws in deep. It is too hot and he is a child shivering beneath his blankets, terrified. There is nowhere to go, he knows. He is going to die here. "Doctor Rush?" Don't move. Don't make noise. Maybe they'll forget he's here. Maybe it will go differently this time; the black mould on the ceiling and the inlaid bricks and the metal grates and the sand hot in his mouth. He is an adult and yet he is also twelve sitting in a car unable to escape as his mother tells him she wants to kill herself. He thinks a part of him will always be in that car, knowing he has no control, that he will be powerless and weak and dependant forever. He wants freedom. He wants to do something about it. If she wants it so damn badly, his mind whispers, then give it to her. He would be better off. He would be free. "There's so much work to be done. I know you understand." He does understand. No one else does. They can't. They don't have the framework. He's built for this, it is his purpose. "I don't want to be alone, Nicholas." He stares at a chalkboard and doesn't move. The phone rings and he doesn't move. A man appears in his house and he doesn't move. The man sits next to him and says, "You'll feel this way for the rest of your life. But I think that's okay." Rush doesn't agree. He's held stationary and he's cold and he can't breathe. There are too many dangers lurking in the dark, too many possibilities of pain, too few ways to extricate himself. His fists hurt from trying to beat his way out. There's blood on his hands and his brain sparks with pain. They stare at him and he asks for help and they don't react. There are hands on him, poking and prodding and pinching. Terror, in the bruises on his face and his hips and his chest, over his heart and inside deep where no one is meant to see. It would be so easy to do it again. They could leave him behind. They could show him who's actually in charge. There'd be no repercussions for them. No one cares enough to put themselves in the firing line for him. "It's important," she says. She doesn't want to be alone again, drifting in the dark depths of space. He understands. He doesn't want to be alone either. He inhales water and he inhales air and he inhales vacuum.

Third excerpt. I'd paste it here but I think this answer is already long enough 💀 This is why I'm so slow answering asks for this game fwiw. I need to ramble and infodump or I'll die.

WIP Name Game

[silkspectred]

Describe the dream fics you aren’t writing and/or probably never will for whatever reason (no spoons, no longer in hat fandom headspace, to long, to much research, etc) for:

Steve/Tony

Spuffy

or Dean/Cas?

i think for stevetony i have two answers, one for mcu and one for 616.

616 is this one, which is an idea i never got around to write and now probably never will. but i'm very fond of it and i think it could have been great.

for mcu, it's a story titled "the hardest story that i've ever told" (from mika's song happy ending). it's a post endgame story that i literally thought up while i was in the car driving home from watching the movie at the cinema. i was alone and i stopped on the motorway at night to record a voice memo on my phone with the basic idea. i've written two versions of it, both are almost finished but not quite. i've reread it recently and i want to rewrite it a third time. who knows, if i manage to do it maybe third time will be the charm. i can't say much about the story itself because even the premise spoils the whole thing. just imagine that the title is something steve tells tony.

for spuffy — i guess i'll do this in reverse, because i have actually finally managed to write the story i thought about when i finished watching the show back when it first aired. 20+ years in the making, lol. i need to find someone to beta read it and it's not easy, mostly because that's my excuse to postpone sharing it. I haven't posted in a long time, spuffy is a new fandom for me and i'm. scared. so i'm waiting for the moment where i'll be less scared.

i'm also currently writing another spuffy story. i got stuck on a thing for a bit and i literally just got unstuck like ten minutes ago. it's a darker story, though, so i'm even more scared about potentially sharing it when it's done. (and how sad is that? why has fandom turned into this hostile place?)

for deancas — i think deancas is, hands down, the ship about which i've read most fics. as in, the highest number. but i never really wrote it, idk why. i didn't have the skills back then, or the courage. i felt okay just reading other people's stuff, so i never really entertained any particular fic ideas. you know how it is, some ships are just like that, and they don't mean less to you because of it. it's just the way things are sometimes.