#the perfectionism has got me
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me waiting for my writer’s block to fuck off and leave me alone so i can finish this chapter:
#my creativity is just so dead rn and it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin#i’ve been waiting MONTHS to finally have a little bit of free time to breathe and catch up on writing stuff#and naturally now that i have i am so mentally and emotionally drained i can barely string a sentence together#i feel so distant and detached from my characters#and yes i know it’ll pass#but i just feel so caught in this headspace rn and needed to vent#i’m SO close to finishing this chapter for good but i have well and truly fallen at the final hurdle#the perfectionism has got me#ugh#also if anyone reading this is worried about four walls being updated#please don’t#i literally circle through this headspace every single chapter#and it hasn’t stopped me yet#(and it never will either. i couldn’t give up on this fic if i tried)#but it’s just hitting me particularly hard this last week#why is writing such an agonising process sometimes#anyway#enough rambling from me for one night#i’ll drag myself back to my laptop and see if i can work some magic#wish me luck#writing stuff#lulu posts
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my kid is getting so into the warrior cats it's so cute. she gets all dismayed whenever the cats do something mean or strict, she's always like "if i was there, i would let firepaw eat something, i would catch a mouse and give it to him." or "wow, yellowfang is SO mean, if i was a cat i would hiss and scratch her!" like yes queen go off!!! you would be the nicest warrior cat in the clan!
#we just finished like chapter 9?#she keeps asking me to skip the fights but like. coincidentally it's always literally one or two sentences before the fight is over anyway#it seems she has about 90% of the tolerance for violence that the audience is expected to have#it's so funny#silverstarschat#she is 5 years old btw she is in kindergarten#and she can basically read??? we were making pumpkin pie today and i was having her read the instructions#and she read 'mix the dry ingredients in a medium bowl' with only half a second pause between each word#and then she got stuck on 'bowl' and sounded it out with the vowel like 'ow' (which is impressive that she has that letter combo memorized)#and when that wasn't a real word she immediately got frustrated and gave up#she's such a little perfectionist already -u-;;#but anyway is2g one of these days she's gonna get frustrated that i won't read a second chapter of warrior cats that night and#just pick up the book and start reading it herself#nothing like a cliffhanger to motivate you to push past your perfectionism#and jump right into Reading with a novel meant for kids twice your age!!
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I would like to apologize for the whole color thing when I sent in nmm!Clover walking, it may have just been a mistake on my part, don't know how though
Anyways, as a full apology, the updated side walkers
Yeah, I just grabbed the same colors from the original pixel Clover and used them here
Oh dang, didn't know I could put them side by side, that's neat and will be very helpful in the future I think
Anyways, I think that if I were to update them again, it would definitely be to figure out how to have the tail so it's not just. pulsating
FUCK YEEAAHHH THEY BOUNCING!!!!! GOT THESE ALWAYS LOOK SO GOOD you edit these so well!!!! i love the little touch of nmm!clovers not bouncing up all the way its so fun
#asked and answered#monster clover au#monster clover fanart#ALSO ITS FINE i understand color frustration well#also my bad for adding shading to the pixels bc i was not intending for smth like this to happen and was like. well if the front is shaded#the side has to be too…… perfectionism got the better of me for a second GDJWND#BU THANK U FOR PUTTING UP WITH IT I APPRECIATE THESE SO MUCH!!!!#ur so fast with it too
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extraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuughhhhh
#hey look it’s sloppy beta designs woah#posting rough doodles like this is hard for my self esteem but it’s fun and a good way to stop constant perfectionism so. here ya go!!#art#pdbc#love this guy SO much. he doesn’t do a whole lot in the plot tbh but he’s just so wonderful#his hair is hell to draw but it’s so fun at the same time. go my static electricity freak#never forget what they took from us (his cheekbones) (he was gonna have more prominent cheekbones but it looked wrong)#when your mom and dad are 6’2 and 6’5 respectively but you’re a mere 5’11 😔#he lost the genetic lottery honestly. like I think he’s aesthetically pleasing but the whole pumpkin head….yeah#I know I’m the one who technically named him but his name is still so weird to me. extra. extraordinary. bizarre#ALSO gestures wildly towards him. he has top surgery scars as you can see#he’s not trans tho he’s intersex!! got top surgery bc he had more chest tissue than he wanted#look at him GO my beloved weatherman <3 someone save him he’s gonna get hit by debris#I usually hate drawing clothes but it’s fun with extra cause he wears a ton of thick sweaters and those are always awesome#his little sun sweater is SO cute I’m gonna die (IM THE ONE WHO DREW IT I NEED TO CALM DOWN)#enough yapping. goodnight sleep tight don’t let pumpkin daddy break into your house to give you banana bread
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this is gonna be an extremely awkward ride home
#degrees of lewdity#avery the businessperson#avery the businessbutch#dee the defiant#dol pc#aftermath of the babyfight#urghghgh gonna be real this doodle was not quick and I'm not happy with it BUT I'm trying to be better about my perfectionism#Also yeah Avery caught Dees hands after getting angry and has to deal with the fact that she can't just bully Dee into submission#also in case its unclear: Dee got some scratches on her face bc Avery strikes me as the kind of person to go for petty juvenile shit like:#pulling hair; scratching; maybe biting#my art#dolgl#myart
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to everyone who was and is still genuinely interested in my au and other ideas in general and were asking about it. sorry
#kommento#// ve been playing my p3fes save after 294728472 years and I actually managed to continue bevause I threw away my perfectionism#// and pursuit of constant productivity in a persona game that royal and golden taught me#// who cares about maxing stats or perfecting social links or do tartarus in one night. what if I had fun. what if I did whatever I wanted#// whether I ditch this blog or turn it into a p3 one or make it a simple amalgamation of all 3 games#// just know I care so much and I will always care#// this has GOT to be my idgaf year. I need to use my fancy fountain pen for stupid notes and doodles and eat wagyu just as a rice topping
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I WANT!! to be a person who does little dnd doodles immediately after sessions and I WANT to be a person who nature journals regularly and I WANT to be a person who brings watercolors to colorado and actually uses them I WANT to do art casually and freely and joyfully as a reflection and extension of being an active participant in the world!!! FUCK!!!!
#'then do it' I KNOW I KNOW I KNOOOW but it's HARD my executives are always DYSFUNCTIONING!!!#I brought art stuff when we went on a cruise aaages ago and didn't actually paint ANYTHING#my mom's husband is An Artist professionally-- he's a studio painter and has done commercial freelance work#and he's just! always got his stuff! and he actually uses it!! what a fuckin concept!!!#I can't wait to be in colorado and go 'but I don't know how to paint a landscape 😥'#and like YES I also have a camera and a mini phone printer and a decent home printer#and I'm allowing myself to just tape bullshit into my 'sketchbooks' now AND my husband got me a proper scrapbook#and I do also want to be a person who does THOSE things don't get me wrong I just--#I overthink artmaking so much that I just never do it anymore#and I've really never been good at consistent travel/ journal sketching because I'm not good at working large or loose#I can draw A Thing but I struggle with scenes for example and I get very bogged down with little details#and the same problem applies to dnd art! 9 times out of 10 when I try to doodle quickly and casually I get caught up on perfectionism#and I just!! [shaking myself shaking shaking shaking] PLEASE#about me#my art
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i'm glad that this has resonated with a lot of people! it's really helped me as well. but i've been seeing some common misinterpretations and would like to clear a few things up. i obviously cannot speak for Swartzwelder or anyone but myself, but for those saying "this is good if you're good at rewriting, which i'm not" no! this is meant for you, too! especially if you are like me and absolutely hate the idea of revising anything! this method makes you HAVE to revise, your revisions ARE your writing. it's meant to get you to confront these hurdles so you can get over them faster. that way, you can overcome your fears and just WRITE. this is meant especially for people who are daunted by the idea of rewriting or fixing. this is meant to help curb that perfectionist brain and just get you to start.
i've seen comments that this method kills your creativity or is comparable to having AI start a prompt for you which is, again, not true! it's not inspiring you to be lazy with your work. it's just a suggestion to help people who get stuck in their own head and perfectionism and lose a lot of valuable time stalling over how to start. if you're not one of those people, that's fantastic! this isn't inspiring anyone to be lazy. it's a way to help accommodate the immobility and fear of starting, which can often be your own worst enemy!
likewise, i don't think he is saying that you HAVE to write this way. the general assumption seems to be "try this if it works for you". if it doesn't, then that's fantastic! if you assume it won't work for you, give it a try anyway! the worst thing that happens is that it doesn't work out for you. it's just a piece of advice, and advice is optional. been seeing a lot of fiery and antagonistic opinions added to this post--relaaaaaaax! it's just meant to help those who may need it, or those who didn't know they needed it in the first place. nothing more.
sharing a very sage bit of advice from The Simpsons' own John Swartzwelder that i've been trying to hamper down in my writing and drawing alike. let your inner crappy little elf do his worst
#it seems to largely be resonating with more people than not which is great#this advice is very helpful for someone like me with OCD and all consuming perfectionism. the drawing equivalent has saved my career#when i first started storyboarding i'd go days without drawing anything and have breakdowns because i was so anxious and obsessing so much#and then i'd have to rush everything last minute and work insane hours#and what got me to stop that? doing this!#i'm obviously someone who needs this advice! and if you're not then that is genuinely wonderful#but if it doesn't apply to you then just leave it be :) honestly didn't think it'd inspire this much discourse
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#aesthetic#if lil 20yo mona knew she'd live in a beautiful city where beautiful calligraphy is commonplace she would cry#now 40yo mona has got to travel back in time to advice me on how to stop sweating the small things and quit the perfectionism
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My squabbling has finally been punished.
#Spent too long to submit my portfolio.#I got locked out#Maybe they’ll let me submit it late bc I sent an email.#But the fact remains is that all my stupid perfectionism and pathetic uselessness has finally come to bite me#vent#i hate that I exist like this.
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I might not have social anxiety but man I gotta tell you having perfectionism sure makes me FEEL like I do sometimes like it's always the build up like I need to make sure it is PERFECT before I do it or else I am a FOOL but like I also don't fucking give a shit? Like I do not care if someone doesn't like me or something that I made cuz they're a dick if they talk shit so like that is NOT my problem but then also just thinking about showing my art to someone of THEIR character and getting it WRONG just makes me feel like I'm gonna spontaneously explode cuz like I have tons of stuff drawn (or that I have planned to draw) that I can't even show off bcuz I feel like I will die
#😭😭😭#like I really do not have social anxiety like I know this for a fact it is just when it comes to my own perfectionism#it causes me to act like this where I simply cannot do anything#but like as soon as the person sees it like I'm cool or whatever it doesn't feel like I'm getting stabbed in the heart anymore#I guess it's just the unknown of it all 😭😭😭#I dunno man I have no idea 😭😭#the thing is like I have made mistakes before with drawing someone's character#and they told me and like I had absolutely NO PROBLEM WITH IT 😭😭😭#LIKE THERE WAS ACTUALLY NO PROBLEM?? I JUST WENT OH THANKS FOR TELLING ME I DIDN'T KNOW#AND THEN I FIXED IT AND IT WAS ALL GOOD!!!!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE IDEA OF IT STRIKES FEAR IN MY SOUL !!!!!!#like someone help me man I got no idea what my problem is with this specific thing 😭😭😭#and like sometimes I can just do shit with no problem like after a while I can just send my art and it's no problem#like it has a time limit. if it's new art I will die#but after a while like a few weeks or a month then I just casually send it like Oh yeah I drew this a while ago#no problem#I guess cuz it's newly made and I'm still like attached to it cuz I just put the work into it??? I dunno man 😭😭#I'm trying to do the brain stuff man I'm trying to work it out in my brain
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As the flash hits your eye, you feel something crashing into you from all directions. Below you is obvious, Bonbon situated themself to bump into you while the picture was taken. You look to your right, and Mirabelle’s cheek is pressed up to yours. On your left, Isabeau’s sheepishly hugged you to his side. There’s a hand in your hair, too, and it feels like Madame Odile. [...] “We need a souvenir of this trip,” Mirabelle adds. She rushes to the ground to pick up the picture and snort-laughs as she looks at it. “Oh no, Siffrin looks like we’re holding him hostage!” — Curtain Call, Chapter 9, by @openphrase123 (Link in the replies)
2024 October 22nd
Fanfic fanart fanfic fanart!! When I read the "hostage" line, it invoked such a clear image in my head of Siffrin tensed up like a startled prey animal that it got added to my list of things to maybe draw immediately.
Dooon't think about the words 'left' and 'right' in that quote too hard. I know how to read I prommy. :) (I did Not process those words and lost the coin flip in the composition phase...)
Close-up and ramblings about the cans of worms I unleashed upon myself under the cut
Time taken on this was [head in hands] 48 hours and 37 minutes.... That bloated number has two culprits:
1) I got a new tablet! My old one was 10 years old. Its plastic was melting and the electronics had ghosts in 'em, so it needed the sweet release of retirement. However, I had just gotten to the line art phase when the switch happened. Clumsily getting used to the new one during the most precise phase of the process did devastating things to my perfectionism.
2) I made a GRAVE mistake with how I chose to color this. I wanted to keep the grayscale layers for accuracy instead of just slapping a B&W filter over the colored version, so all the colors come from gradient maps, color balance layers, overlay layers, and raster layers clipped to other layers. Listen. I'm used to working with lots of layers. I like keeping things separate so I can edit them more easily. But this is the worst layer system I have ever created. Going from color to B&W requires toggling exactly 20 layers & folders on or off. There are 87 visible layers total. This file lags when you edit it. I've never wanted CSP v1.13 to have layer comps more in my life.
Not helping matters was Isabeau. I said he was the easiest to draw in my last post, but he took that as a challenge, apparently. It's a simple fist-on-hip pose, why was that so hard!?! His face gave me grief too.
Odile's lil' wave got added at the end of the line art phase. I've never added to a sketch that late in the game before, but I felt bad about how little screen area she got, haha. Girl, I tried, but this composition was not kind to you.
Giving Isa, Odile, and Siffrin skin colors felt cursed. Well... "color" is maybe a stretch for Sif. The pallor from being affection-jumpscared isn't helping. In the dev's nose reveal post, they said that Siffrin isn't white but is white-passing, so BOOM albinism headcanon. Like c'mon, they wear a big hat and have most of their skin covered because the sun is a deadly laser when you have little to no melanin and idk if sunblock exists in-universe. Heck, maybe most Islanders have it, their whole religion is about the night sky so maybe they're nocturnal. This makes perfect sense. :)
#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat#isat siffrin#isat isabeau#isat odile#isat bonnie#isat mirabelle#fan art#2d art
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ack I have once again turned a daydream about existing media into it's own creation
#this one is so far detached from everything that I can't even remember the original sourcr#it's been festering in my mind for a good year or 2#it got so distorted from it's original thing that it has no resemblance to it which is just. I don't know#I'm stuck in my own head a lot when I'm on the bus or in a situation I'm not fully focused on so these things haplen#this one though I think is mostly gonna be written to try and learn how to write again#I used to write a lot because I was hyped up by people like my English teacher but then I stopped#mostly because my adhd caught up with me and I could hardly focus#and probably a bit of perfectionism#I have no idea how or where I would share it if I ever do tbh#it's early in the me actually thinking about it instead of letting random thoughts smash into each other phase#so I can't really talk about it bc I've only been compiling it for like 2 days and so much has changed alreadu#example it went from 1 contained story to 2 separate ones within the same universe#graaaaah I love getting obsessed over my own ideas#nobody knows them better than I do LITERALLY
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Getting back into drawing again after forever and going bonkers batshit insane over this
#ofc i choose my fav char for it too which makes me more stressed abt getting it right#beating back my perfectionism w a stick but bitch has got hands#my mental health has been hell esp lately so im like ough#mystuff#asl to tag
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i think you'll find that its actually normal and not concerning for girls to be more at ease with insults and criticisms (genuine or joking) than with compliments.
#one of my friends casually mentioned that he tends to use joking insults because i got uncomfortable the last time he complimented me#and like. he IS right#my less-maladaptive coping mechanism of saying ''if somethings worth doing its worth doing poorly''#as a way to not be hung up on perfectionism and stop worrying whether I'm Worthwhile#has turned into ''if i'm doing something im obviously doing it poorly''#which is. not ideal 😬😬😬😬😬😬#personal#negative /////
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navillera (x.mh)
pairing: ballerina!reader x ballet teacher!minghao
preview: minghao can see your raw potential. you just need a little... incentive.
tags/warnings: fem reader, age gap (minghao is 35 and reader is 21), lots of flexible positions, kinda mean dom minghao, sir kink, fingering, oral (fem.receiving), degrading, monster cock minghao, dacryphilia, choking, marking, praise, pet names (slut, baby, pretty girl), unprotected penetration (wrap it before you tap it), creampie
trigger warnings: n/a
wc: 1.6k
song rec for this fic: all i got by baekhyun
a/n: sorry for scarce posting mls
training for the nutcracker has been more difficult than you had anticipated. your teacher has been so hard on everyone. his perfectionism was definitely showing. the constant cries of “straighten your leg!” or “point your toes!” have been ingrained in your brain. you’ve honestly become paranoid about messing up in front of him. currently, you’re just trying to perfect small things near the end of the show.
you and your dance partner dance carefully together, making sure your legs are straight and there’s not a flat foot in sight. your spun around and lifted effortlessly and you can almost feel a sense of pride filling your bones. but, as you’re put down, the hard box of your ballet slippers lands right on your dance partner’s foot, causing him to cry out.
suddenly, minghao cuts the music off and gestures for everyone to gather around him. “we have our first show next week, i cannot have this show looking this dogshit. we haven’t had a single run that didn’t have a mistake.” everyone around you looks defeated at his words. not a soul in the room isn’t out of breath from his vigorous training demands. “y/n.” he says your name and your eyes dart up to meet his. “do you even know how to do a pas de bourrée?” you gulp, looking down at the floor. “yes, i do, sir.” he scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “show me.”
you hesitantly walk to the open space in front of him and get up en pointe. you perform the travelling movement, making sure to keep your legs straight and keep your body lines looking flowy. when you finish, you look over to see the most intimidating scowl on your teacher’s face. “i’m gonna need you to stay after class.” your face flushes bright red as you rush to disappear within the crowd of your classmates.
the rest of the class is a blur. you can’t focus after your teacher embarrassed you like that in front of the whole class. finally, the class ends and you watch as your classmates rush to leave the studio. you and minghao stand on opposite sides of the room, staring at each other. “how long have you been doing ballet?” he asks, stretching arms over his chest. “um, 4 years.” he laughs, wandering over to you. “that’s like nothing compared to your classmates.” he looms over you, his shadow filling you with darkness.
“show me your pirouette.” he moves away from you, gesturing to the empty room. you lift yourself onto your toes and demonstrate a few spins, more than necessary. you stumble at the end and you can feel minghao’s blazing fury. “come here. put your hand on the bar.” you scurry over and do as instructed, your hand resting gently on the wooden bar attached to the wall. he leans down and grabs your ankle. he lifts it until your foot is above your head, your legs spread in a perfect split. “you’re very flexible and your moves are graceful, you just can’t follow through.” he runs his hand down your leg, his hand pausing to rest on your core. you jump, your legs fighting to hold their position.
minghao presses his palm against your core, electricity surging through your veins. you moan slightly before pressing your lips together in a thin line. he runs his finger over your slit through your tights. the thin fabric gives way to how wet you’re becoming at simple touches. “are these your performance tights?” minghao whispers. you shake your head, your legs beginning to ache. suddenly, the sound of fabric ripping fills the room. you gasp at the sudden cold feeling. your knee bends, your leg begging to be let back onto the floor. “keep your fucking leg up while i please you.” he demands as he pushes your panties to the side.
you use your free hand to hold your foot, desperately trying to keep your leg up. minghao licks a wet stripe up your core, salivating at how wet you’d become. you shiver as he licks stripe after stripe up your cunt, savoring your taste as if he’d never tasted something so delicious. “if you can be a good girl and keep your leg up, i’ll let you cum,” he instructed. he dove into your core like he may never eat again. the sideways angle having him gripping every expanse of your ass and thighs he could get at. he rips your tights open more so he can feel your bare skin in his hands.
his tongue jabs at your hole, barely dipping in to feel your dripping walls. his eyes roll back into his head at the way your body jerks whenever he sucks on your clit. your grip the bar on the wall so hard your knuckles turn white. your legs shake as they threaten to close against your will. “p-please sir,” you beg. you don’t even really know what you’re begging for at this point. his fingers find their way to your hole, replacing his tongue. he fingers you with such intensity that you’re worried he might break his hand. your whines and whimpers grow in volume quickly.
he chuckles against you, beginning to eat you with even more intensity. his fingers and his tongue move in sweet tandem. you start to piece together that he doesn’t intend to let you cum, he wants you to let your leg down. your whole body trembles as he licks and sucks on your wet heat until finally; your leg comes down. you stumble backwards and your ballet teacher looks at you with a sinister grin. “so sad, the poor baby doesn’t get to cum on my tongue.“
you look at him, defeated. your legs are so sore you can barely stay standing. minghao seemingly glides over to you before hooking his foot around you to force your knees to bend. you fall backwards and he lays you down on the floor. “can barely follow dance moves, let alone instructions while i’m eating you out. what a disobedient slut.” you whine, writing around on the cold dance practice floor. he slots himself between your legs, pressing his growing erection against your core. your cunt leaves a wet spot on his light colored tights.
he looks down between your legs and sighs dramatically. “look at the fucking stain you’re leaving on my tights. so fucking pathetic,” he spreads your legs into a split again, grinding against your exposed core. your hands find their way to his forearms, digging your nails into his skin. “you’re so flexible and yet you can’t keep your legs straight when dancing. you’d think with a split like this, it would be effortless to you. do you use your split for sex more than dancing? is that it?” you whine at his disapproval.
he separates from you to pull his tights down, a much more gentle gesture than the way he had torn yours open. your eyes widen, watching as he frees his cock. he catches your feverish eyes with his sinister ones. “you think you can take it, baby?” you shake your head slowly and he fakes a look of pity. “you can, and you’re going to.” he takes his place between your legs once again, his cock dragging against your slit. “hold your legs open.” you hook your hands around your thighs, doing your best to stay spread.
he guides himself into your desperate hole, the sting of the stretch filling your senses. your nails dig into the skin of the back of your thighs as you shake underneath minghao. he finally bottoms out and his jaw falls slack. he places his palms by your head, trapping you between his arms. he holds eye contact with you as he draws his hips back before thrusting back in slowly. you savor the feeling of every inch dragging along your walls.
your forearms begin to ache from holding your legs open, your grip slipping. minghao rises to his knees and swats your hands away from your thighs. he replaces them with his own, folding you in half. his thrusts pick up in speed, drilling you full of his cock. “such a good fucking girl, taking my cock. you like when your teacher fills you up, huh?” you nod, your brain not even computing what he’s saying. “words, slut.” you pant desperately, trying to even muster a few words. “y-yes, sir.”
he lands a couple hard slaps to the soft skin of your thighs, leaving bright red hand print marks. you squeal, clenching around him. your senses go into overdrive when he wraps one hand around your throat, applying just enough pressure for your vision to go slightly fuzzy. tears spring to your eyes and flow down the side of your face. he stops holding you down and moves his other hand to your clit, rubbing over it quickly. “fuck, i’m so close, pretty girl. want you to cum for me, can you do that?” you nod to the best of your abilities and he smiles.
your body spasms as he drives you closer and closer to the edge. you wrap both your hands around his wrist as he tightens his grip just a little more. “c-cumming,” you choke out. minghao lets out an animalistic groan as you clamp down on him. you wrap your legs around him to lock him into place, his last couple thrusts chasing his own orgasm. his hips stutter as his cum fills you to the brim, leaking out of you and onto the floor. he finally releases your throat and you suck in a few labored breaths.
he pulls out of you and admires your spent body on the floor. “god, i think we should have more after class practices. do you agree?” you’re too tired to even respond but the way you shiver tells him everything he needs to know. he chuckles before reclothing himself. “there’s a pair of extra leggings in the closet. you might wanna put those on before you leave.” he grabs all of his things and walks away to the door. “see you tomorrow, y/n.”
© lomlhwa 2025
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