#the perfectionism has got me
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me waiting for my writer’s block to fuck off and leave me alone so i can finish this chapter:
#my creativity is just so dead rn and it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin#i’ve been waiting MONTHS to finally have a little bit of free time to breathe and catch up on writing stuff#and naturally now that i have i am so mentally and emotionally drained i can barely string a sentence together#i feel so distant and detached from my characters#and yes i know it’ll pass#but i just feel so caught in this headspace rn and needed to vent#i’m SO close to finishing this chapter for good but i have well and truly fallen at the final hurdle#the perfectionism has got me#ugh#also if anyone reading this is worried about four walls being updated#please don’t#i literally circle through this headspace every single chapter#and it hasn’t stopped me yet#(and it never will either. i couldn’t give up on this fic if i tried)#but it’s just hitting me particularly hard this last week#why is writing such an agonising process sometimes#anyway#enough rambling from me for one night#i’ll drag myself back to my laptop and see if i can work some magic#wish me luck#writing stuff#lulu posts
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I would like to apologize for the whole color thing when I sent in nmm!Clover walking, it may have just been a mistake on my part, don't know how though
Anyways, as a full apology, the updated side walkers
Yeah, I just grabbed the same colors from the original pixel Clover and used them here
Oh dang, didn't know I could put them side by side, that's neat and will be very helpful in the future I think
Anyways, I think that if I were to update them again, it would definitely be to figure out how to have the tail so it's not just. pulsating
FUCK YEEAAHHH THEY BOUNCING!!!!! GOT THESE ALWAYS LOOK SO GOOD you edit these so well!!!! i love the little touch of nmm!clovers not bouncing up all the way its so fun
#asked and answered#monster clover au#monster clover fanart#ALSO ITS FINE i understand color frustration well#also my bad for adding shading to the pixels bc i was not intending for smth like this to happen and was like. well if the front is shaded#the side has to be too…… perfectionism got the better of me for a second GDJWND#BU THANK U FOR PUTTING UP WITH IT I APPRECIATE THESE SO MUCH!!!!#ur so fast with it too
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this is gonna be an extremely awkward ride home
#degrees of lewdity#avery the businessperson#avery the businessbutch#dee the defiant#dol pc#aftermath of the babyfight#urghghgh gonna be real this doodle was not quick and I'm not happy with it BUT I'm trying to be better about my perfectionism#Also yeah Avery caught Dees hands after getting angry and has to deal with the fact that she can't just bully Dee into submission#also in case its unclear: Dee got some scratches on her face bc Avery strikes me as the kind of person to go for petty juvenile shit like:#pulling hair; scratching; maybe biting#my art#dolgl#myart
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Hey @ntls-24722
Scribbled a Debu in my little notebook and scanned it!
Also this scrimblo I was figuring out the shapes with but the above one is the one I was going for lmao
She looks a bit scared or worried to me lmao didn't wanna leave her out
I haven't been drawing much lately, I've just been getting back to it the last few days so I'm a bit rusty to put it lightly. The Debus are the best things I drew last night by a mile lmao and also the reason I got the scanner working again so uhh anyway I love these guys. Everyone go look at the Debus right here cause they're cool as fuck
#did my best with the image descriptions I'm on the clock before my laptop runs out of juice#I dunno if ntls has a tag for them????#but uhhh yeah I was doodling them last night along with some blorbos of the scrapped animatronic variety#oh and also a shark? and a scribbled comic I gave up on lmao#not because of perfectionism or anything but because it wasn't working out on paper#I dunno how to draw hands I need an undo button for that fdsfsf#or freddy actually I dunno how to draw him yet but who cares anyway#mum's scanner is shit fuck awful so this is the only page I'm scanning while I'm on limited power supply#pop rox draws#HOPE YOU LIKE DOODLED DEBUS!!!#DEBOODLES EVEN!!!!#oh yeah and uh. if I missed anything you can blame my laptop going off and my phone hating me specifically#so. partially no reference but I got most of it before it died so ehh???#and yeah the second image is the worst debu known to man by design she's the quick 'figure it out' debu but I like sharing those#so she's also here#I could never leave her out look at her she's so worried. debu anxiety in chicken scratch form lmao#nah I had fun with this I may do this again#and also if you have an issue with public posts of them then I can dm or submit them too your inbox or in the community if you'd like#I don't mind I totally get it#pop rox dashboard
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to everyone who was and is still genuinely interested in my au and other ideas in general and were asking about it. sorry
#kommento#// ve been playing my p3fes save after 294728472 years and I actually managed to continue bevause I threw away my perfectionism#// and pursuit of constant productivity in a persona game that royal and golden taught me#// who cares about maxing stats or perfecting social links or do tartarus in one night. what if I had fun. what if I did whatever I wanted#// whether I ditch this blog or turn it into a p3 one or make it a simple amalgamation of all 3 games#// just know I care so much and I will always care#// this has GOT to be my idgaf year. I need to use my fancy fountain pen for stupid notes and doodles and eat wagyu just as a rice topping
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Im only on season 1, so pardon me if this has been explained or at least acknowledged, but why the fuck are the brothers still in school? Its been on my mind for ages now because they’re how old? Literal eons? Okay, how long does it take to graduate from education? 20ish years? Okay cool, how the fuck are they still in the education system. Are they dumb? Are they teachers? Are they there to relearn information as technology and science has evolved over the years?? What the fuck are they doing??
#Obey me#OM#obey me one master to rule them all#For real tho my hc is that their respective sin got in the way of their education and even tho they are smart they just didnt do the work#which is why Lucifer has been cracking down on them recently to actually do the work#Like Lucifer is pride which probably translates to perfectionism and we all know how that can fuck up your school work#Mammon my dear sweetheart is dumber than a bag of rocks if money aint involved so yaknow we have canon reason there#Levi is Levi and he probably gets jealous over othre peoples grades/scores which translate to him staying home depressed#Satan rage quite HW he hates lets be honest here#Asmo is too busy actually being social and sleeping to do his work#Beel probably skips classes to eat food#and Belphie actually is a professor I think???? At least hes working on a thesis statment on a relativly new field#so he gets a pass on this question#Again only on season 1 so ignore me if this is explained later
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I WANT!! to be a person who does little dnd doodles immediately after sessions and I WANT to be a person who nature journals regularly and I WANT to be a person who brings watercolors to colorado and actually uses them I WANT to do art casually and freely and joyfully as a reflection and extension of being an active participant in the world!!! FUCK!!!!
#'then do it' I KNOW I KNOW I KNOOOW but it's HARD my executives are always DYSFUNCTIONING!!!#I brought art stuff when we went on a cruise aaages ago and didn't actually paint ANYTHING#my mom's husband is An Artist professionally-- he's a studio painter and has done commercial freelance work#and he's just! always got his stuff! and he actually uses it!! what a fuckin concept!!!#I can't wait to be in colorado and go 'but I don't know how to paint a landscape 😥'#and like YES I also have a camera and a mini phone printer and a decent home printer#and I'm allowing myself to just tape bullshit into my 'sketchbooks' now AND my husband got me a proper scrapbook#and I do also want to be a person who does THOSE things don't get me wrong I just--#I overthink artmaking so much that I just never do it anymore#and I've really never been good at consistent travel/ journal sketching because I'm not good at working large or loose#I can draw A Thing but I struggle with scenes for example and I get very bogged down with little details#and the same problem applies to dnd art! 9 times out of 10 when I try to doodle quickly and casually I get caught up on perfectionism#and I just!! [shaking myself shaking shaking shaking] PLEASE#about me#my art
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the me who started this comic in november and thought it'd take me like two weeks maximum....... i miss ur optimism
#what do you mean i'm actually only on page two out of 7? 8? lol#and i'm redrawing page two for the third time as well lol. fucking kill me.#perfectionism is the enemy of progress etc etc etc.#AT LEAST i re roughed it like three times and got it down from 12 pages#it's been finished IN MY HEAD for so long that my brain has come up with three sequels i will never draw and two aus for those sequels : )#if anyone wants 2 look at a full sketchbook of incomprehensible page roughs and then talk about how ACTUALLY its about ******** .......#need to put it on the backburner AGAIN for a while too and do my zine lol
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and why he look asian
#i basically just didnt try at all w the eyes so this is what i got shvkdjkgnskv#overall turned out better than i expected tho#pencil and paper drawing is soooo hard idk how elementary school me did it#also had a lot of trouble w the lips but realized i could just do like . shaded solid shape for upper lip and faint line for lower#idk i might polish it in the morning but im forcing myself to be happy w how it is#2023 will be the year i take my perfectionism out back and shoot it like a lame horse#also seriously have to figure out how curly hair works#s3 will is easy cause its more wavy than curly and more or less follows a general pattern#but s1 its sort of a mess (affectionate)#oh yeah this is supposed to be will . lol . idk if its obvious#if anyone has like tips or concrit or anything pls say bc i have 0 clue what im doing
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i'm glad that this has resonated with a lot of people! it's really helped me as well. but i've been seeing some common misinterpretations and would like to clear a few things up. i obviously cannot speak for Swartzwelder or anyone but myself, but for those saying "this is good if you're good at rewriting, which i'm not" no! this is meant for you, too! especially if you are like me and absolutely hate the idea of revising anything! this method makes you HAVE to revise, your revisions ARE your writing. it's meant to get you to confront these hurdles so you can get over them faster. that way, you can overcome your fears and just WRITE. this is meant especially for people who are daunted by the idea of rewriting or fixing. this is meant to help curb that perfectionist brain and just get you to start.
i've seen comments that this method kills your creativity or is comparable to having AI start a prompt for you which is, again, not true! it's not inspiring you to be lazy with your work. it's just a suggestion to help people who get stuck in their own head and perfectionism and lose a lot of valuable time stalling over how to start. if you're not one of those people, that's fantastic! this isn't inspiring anyone to be lazy. it's a way to help accommodate the immobility and fear of starting, which can often be your own worst enemy!
likewise, i don't think he is saying that you HAVE to write this way. the general assumption seems to be "try this if it works for you". if it doesn't, then that's fantastic! if you assume it won't work for you, give it a try anyway! the worst thing that happens is that it doesn't work out for you. it's just a piece of advice, and advice is optional. been seeing a lot of fiery and antagonistic opinions added to this post--relaaaaaaax! it's just meant to help those who may need it, or those who didn't know they needed it in the first place. nothing more.
sharing a very sage bit of advice from The Simpsons' own John Swartzwelder that i've been trying to hamper down in my writing and drawing alike. let your inner crappy little elf do his worst
#it seems to largely be resonating with more people than not which is great#this advice is very helpful for someone like me with OCD and all consuming perfectionism. the drawing equivalent has saved my career#when i first started storyboarding i'd go days without drawing anything and have breakdowns because i was so anxious and obsessing so much#and then i'd have to rush everything last minute and work insane hours#and what got me to stop that? doing this!#i'm obviously someone who needs this advice! and if you're not then that is genuinely wonderful#but if it doesn't apply to you then just leave it be :) honestly didn't think it'd inspire this much discourse
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My squabbling has finally been punished.
#Spent too long to submit my portfolio.#I got locked out#Maybe they’ll let me submit it late bc I sent an email.#But the fact remains is that all my stupid perfectionism and pathetic uselessness has finally come to bite me#vent#i hate that I exist like this.
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I might not have social anxiety but man I gotta tell you having perfectionism sure makes me FEEL like I do sometimes like it's always the build up like I need to make sure it is PERFECT before I do it or else I am a FOOL but like I also don't fucking give a shit? Like I do not care if someone doesn't like me or something that I made cuz they're a dick if they talk shit so like that is NOT my problem but then also just thinking about showing my art to someone of THEIR character and getting it WRONG just makes me feel like I'm gonna spontaneously explode cuz like I have tons of stuff drawn (or that I have planned to draw) that I can't even show off bcuz I feel like I will die
#😭😭😭#like I really do not have social anxiety like I know this for a fact it is just when it comes to my own perfectionism#it causes me to act like this where I simply cannot do anything#but like as soon as the person sees it like I'm cool or whatever it doesn't feel like I'm getting stabbed in the heart anymore#I guess it's just the unknown of it all 😭😭😭#I dunno man I have no idea 😭😭#the thing is like I have made mistakes before with drawing someone's character#and they told me and like I had absolutely NO PROBLEM WITH IT 😭😭😭#LIKE THERE WAS ACTUALLY NO PROBLEM?? I JUST WENT OH THANKS FOR TELLING ME I DIDN'T KNOW#AND THEN I FIXED IT AND IT WAS ALL GOOD!!!!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE IDEA OF IT STRIKES FEAR IN MY SOUL !!!!!!#like someone help me man I got no idea what my problem is with this specific thing 😭😭😭#and like sometimes I can just do shit with no problem like after a while I can just send my art and it's no problem#like it has a time limit. if it's new art I will die#but after a while like a few weeks or a month then I just casually send it like Oh yeah I drew this a while ago#no problem#I guess cuz it's newly made and I'm still like attached to it cuz I just put the work into it??? I dunno man 😭😭#I'm trying to do the brain stuff man I'm trying to work it out in my brain
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As the flash hits your eye, you feel something crashing into you from all directions. Below you is obvious, Bonbon situated themself to bump into you while the picture was taken. You look to your right, and Mirabelle’s cheek is pressed up to yours. On your left, Isabeau’s sheepishly hugged you to his side. There’s a hand in your hair, too, and it feels like Madame Odile. [...] “We need a souvenir of this trip,” Mirabelle adds. She rushes to the ground to pick up the picture and snort-laughs as she looks at it. “Oh no, Siffrin looks like we’re holding him hostage!” — Curtain Call, Chapter 9, by @openphrase123 (Link in the replies)
2024 October 22nd
Fanfic fanart fanfic fanart!! When I read the "hostage" line, it invoked such a clear image in my head of Siffrin tensed up like a startled prey animal that it got added to my list of things to maybe draw immediately.
Dooon't think about the words 'left' and 'right' in that quote too hard. I know how to read I prommy. :) (I did Not process those words and lost the coin flip in the composition phase...)
Close-up and ramblings about the cans of worms I unleashed upon myself under the cut
Time taken on this was [head in hands] 48 hours and 37 minutes.... That bloated number has two culprits:
1) I got a new tablet! My old one was 10 years old. Its plastic was melting and the electronics had ghosts in 'em, so it needed the sweet release of retirement. However, I had just gotten to the line art phase when the switch happened. Clumsily getting used to the new one during the most precise phase of the process did devastating things to my perfectionism.
2) I made a GRAVE mistake with how I chose to color this. I wanted to keep the grayscale layers for accuracy instead of just slapping a B&W filter over the colored version, so all the colors come from gradient maps, color balance layers, overlay layers, and raster layers clipped to other layers. Listen. I'm used to working with lots of layers. I like keeping things separate so I can edit them more easily. But this is the worst layer system I have ever created. Going from color to B&W requires toggling exactly 20 layers & folders on or off. There are 87 visible layers total. This file lags when you edit it. I've never wanted CSP v1.13 to have layer comps more in my life.
Not helping matters was Isabeau. I said he was the easiest to draw in my last post, but he took that as a challenge, apparently. It's a simple fist-on-hip pose, why was that so hard!?! His face gave me grief too.
Odile's lil' wave got added at the end of the line art phase. I've never added to a sketch that late in the game before, but I felt bad about how little screen area she got, haha. Girl, I tried, but this composition was not kind to you.
Giving Isa, Odile, and Siffrin skin colors felt cursed. Well... "color" is maybe a stretch for Sif. The pallor from being affection-jumpscared isn't helping. In the dev's nose reveal post, they said that Siffrin isn't white but is white-passing, so BOOM albinism headcanon. Like c'mon, they wear a big hat and have most of their skin covered because the sun is a deadly laser when you have little to no melanin and idk if sunblock exists in-universe. Heck, maybe most Islanders have it, their whole religion is about the night sky so maybe they're nocturnal. This makes perfect sense. :)
#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat#isat siffrin#isat isabeau#isat odile#isat bonnie#isat mirabelle#fan art#2d art
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ack I have once again turned a daydream about existing media into it's own creation
#this one is so far detached from everything that I can't even remember the original sourcr#it's been festering in my mind for a good year or 2#it got so distorted from it's original thing that it has no resemblance to it which is just. I don't know#I'm stuck in my own head a lot when I'm on the bus or in a situation I'm not fully focused on so these things haplen#this one though I think is mostly gonna be written to try and learn how to write again#I used to write a lot because I was hyped up by people like my English teacher but then I stopped#mostly because my adhd caught up with me and I could hardly focus#and probably a bit of perfectionism#I have no idea how or where I would share it if I ever do tbh#it's early in the me actually thinking about it instead of letting random thoughts smash into each other phase#so I can't really talk about it bc I've only been compiling it for like 2 days and so much has changed alreadu#example it went from 1 contained story to 2 separate ones within the same universe#graaaaah I love getting obsessed over my own ideas#nobody knows them better than I do LITERALLY
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Getting back into drawing again after forever and going bonkers batshit insane over this
#ofc i choose my fav char for it too which makes me more stressed abt getting it right#beating back my perfectionism w a stick but bitch has got hands#my mental health has been hell esp lately so im like ough#mystuff#asl to tag
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i think you'll find that its actually normal and not concerning for girls to be more at ease with insults and criticisms (genuine or joking) than with compliments.
#one of my friends casually mentioned that he tends to use joking insults because i got uncomfortable the last time he complimented me#and like. he IS right#my less-maladaptive coping mechanism of saying ''if somethings worth doing its worth doing poorly''#as a way to not be hung up on perfectionism and stop worrying whether I'm Worthwhile#has turned into ''if i'm doing something im obviously doing it poorly''#which is. not ideal 😬😬😬😬😬😬#personal#negative /////
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