#filed under lines that dont make any sense to me

[pilkypills]

Remember how Thorin got everyone to play along when Bilbo was doing his parasites bit but still went all “oooh no thanks to your stupid burglar” after gandalf saved them?? 🤨 what was that all about? Did he get what Bilbo was doing or not???

[chosotallgf]

UNEXPECTED TURN - CHOSO KAMO [chapter 1]

SUMMARIZE.. y/n never bothered getting to know choso after the shibuya incident happened and he became an ally to jujutsu high but what happens when he decides to try and get to know her on a personal level and they start getting put on mission together

TAGS.. choso x fem!reader, shibuya incident arc spoilers!!, post shibuya incident au, character dearth mentioned, slow burn, smut, angst, reader is a sorcerer, oral sex, masturbation + more

A/N.. hi this is my first fanfic ever also I posted it on A03 under the same username. keep in mind I’m a beginner at writing lol. like & rebolgs are appreciated | DONT NOT REUPLOAD :D

………………………………………………………………………………….

you and choso where out having lunch discussing your plans for an upcoming mission later that day. It’s been half a year since the shibuya incident, even after the many deaths that took place that night you ended up finding yourself making a new connection later down the line

choso become an ally for jujutsu high short after the incident, first it started off with you two getting place together to go on small missions together outside of Tokyo. When you first heard of the idea of you and choso being partner up you weren’t a big fan of it, everyone seem to connect well off of first interaction and start to enjoy choso company especially after finding out that he is yuji half brother but you? barely even talk/avoided him outside of missions.

“what are you thinking about”? choso asked as he saw your blank expression as you two were waiting on the food to come out “Huh? oh.. just that how much I hate working with you that’s all” you softly smirk at him. you love teasing choso so often that become y’all daily thing to do to each other. One day after you and choso got back from a mission you were about to head out of jujutsu high until you heard fast steps catching up to you.

“hey.. um y/n you have a moment?” choso asked awkward while scratching the back of his head. you then turn around and sign “yeah what is it?” choso honestly wasn’t sure how he should approach you, when y’all get sent on mission its just strictly about the mission no personal stuff about each other lives, nothing.

he kinda took the hint that you didn’t want to conversation about anything outside of that 3 weeks after the incident when you both were on the train headed to koyto and he asked how long you been a sorcery at jujutsu high and you responded with “why do you care just let’s just do our jobs, the faster the better”

every since then choso didn’t dare to bring up anything after that until the day he generally was curious and had enough of this ‘only talk during and about the mission thing’ he wasn’t a pushy person but he can bet there has to be more to you than this nonchalant mask you are pulling because of the story’s yuji told him when he himself first started out and you and gojo teach him. he had to know why you were so casual with everyone but not him

“Sorry to bother you y/n, don’t take this the wrong way but did I genuinely do something to offend you? every since I came to jujutsu high and going on mission I feel like you been bothered by my presence of that makes any sense” your response could go south either way choso though he didn’t know if you would just curse him out or just turn around and keep ignoring him like you been. “Are you that much of new puppy that you need everyone attention and become friends?”

“hey wait a min don’t go yet” as you turned your head a little bit choso could see your eyes get glossy. “Let me go pls” you barley spoke. A single tear fell down your face. “I’m sorry if it’s becaus-“ choso was about to finish his sentence until gojo loudly interrupted them.

“Heyy choso how have you been? Oh y/n you there too? did you file the last mission yet I haven’t seen it yet if you did” gojo said when he got a glimpse of your hair behind choso back as he was walking up to y’all. as soon as you heard gojo voice you quickly pull your wrist back from choso and he let go.

you then quickly rush off campus and into your car. “Hey come back” choso shouted. You thought how embarrassing that was,now you wouldn’t even dare show your face in front of choso now after he seen you in that state. “I guess she really doesn’t like doing reports after all” gojo said confused.

part 2 coming soon… don’t forget to like & reblog :)

[monetmightexist]

random facts about kyec because im really bored

charlie was initially going to be in a cafe rather than a jewelry store in the second chapter. dont remember why i changed it at first, but it became some decent foreshadowing i suppose

I made the summary before literally any cc drama, so it was originally Forever who was leading the heros under the name “President” and Wilbur who was taken later on. Honestly I prefer Baghera and Tubbo so much more so thank god I waited

I was gonna alternate between the names Charlie and Slime but lowkey just forgot to

I planned on having Angel forcibly unmask Decay while holding a blade to his throat. Didn’t know how to write them in a place where there wouldn’t be cameras though, nor did I have any good ideas for how to end a scene like that

I never actually finished my first summary, though I do know that Charlie originally was going to just say yes during the first proposal. I wanted to do a bit more to make it feel more real though, so we got chapter eight.

Cellbit was told in advance that Decay would be coming into his backyard to throw some files into the fire, he used s’mores as an excuse to have a campfire going. He only dragged Roier into it because he thought it’d be funny. He did, in fact, laugh, as Roier mourned the loss of his chocolate and marshmallows.

Apparently I originally had Tazercraft as their own vigilante duo

Actually wish I did this one: had the idea for a scene where, after Charlie leaves, Angel ends up seeing him out in the open, but he can’t do anything because he’s still in costume. I could have given them both little panic attacks and everything 💔

Despite the fact that Mechanic is the leader of the Soulfire Branch, Bellator is actually ranked #1 locally. Mechanic is either 2nd or 3rd I forgot

I WANT TO WRITE THIS SO BAD BUT IDK HOW. OR IF I EVER WILL. SO UH cellbit used to be a hero, friends with bad. But there was this crazy accident that he caused, and he was so disgusted that the agency was trying to cover it up that he switched sides. Jeidndkxnjeos the cellbit lore goes so hard i just can’t find anywhere to pht it so u just gotta trust me

I had to write down every injury that each character had iver the course of the fic because I kept forgetting. are you sensing a pattern with me

Rust was originally going to have the exact same starting line of “Do you know why you’re here?” But I’m not creative enough to make a scene that works with that and also isn’t as repetitive

Mariana is a White Tern, Jaiden is a Conure, and Phil is a Crow. I got nothin else for ya. Don’t even know if Tina’s a Korat anymore because for some goddamn reason I drew her with white ears. Maybe her codename is a red herring and they paint her ears idk

i still dont know for sure if all of the quotes I used were actually Sun Tzu quotes or if the internet lied to me

jesus christ thats a lot. can you tell that i like my fic a lot.

[reislingwhitewine]

please dont kill me gf </3

pt 2 (rough)

“Yes! I will take an order of vegetable lo mein, with two egg rolls please! … How long? Sounds good, thank you!” She hangs up and puts the phone on the counter.

It’s been four nights since the incident. Four nights since she let a stranger break into her apartment, pin her down and finish inside of her. Half of her wanted to tell somebody about her experience, but the other half was just hoping that he would come back again. Her eyes, glued to her phone since that fateful day, hoping for an ‘Unknown Caller ID’. “I wonder where he’s been this entire time” she wondered. She couldn’t believe her last lover was a potential murderer.

Thank you for tuning in to NBC Nightly News. She picks up the remote, changes the channel to find reruns of America’s Got Talent, and kicks her feet up on the couch.

Despite being under the influence that night, her memory is crystal clear. The sound of his voice, the muscles in his arm, the smell of his sharp cologne and whiskey on his breath. If you asked her to identify him in a line up based on that alone, we’d know our guy. Every memory that recollected her five senses was a step closer to turning her on. She wanted to relive that night, no she needed to relive that night. His body on top of hers, pinned down into submission. The feel of him thrusting inside of her. Am I crazy for feeling this way? Her mind stirs as her thoughts become more facetious. She begins to touch herself to her memories without realizing it, hoping to find that sensation once again. Her  fingers meet her clit and her free hand finds itself on her breast. It’s not the same but it’ll do. “Fuck” she whispers. She puts two fingers in but soon retracts them when her doorbell rings. It’s her food.

Jesus Christ. What am I doing? Anybody else, and a police report would be filed. Hi, how much do I owe you?

15.75, please.

Here, keep the change, thank you.

The door shuts behind her and her evening ends with America’s Got Talent and Chinese food.

Day Five.

She is woken up by the sun and loud construction noises outside her window. She knew she had something to do today but the outside noise had rendered her unable to think.

‘That’s it’ she thought. A distraction, that’s what she needs. She couldn’t keep staring at her phone all day hoping for an unknown caller ID. But how the hell is she going to do that??

“Maybe.. just maybe.. I need somebody else that can fill my needs.”

Even though it wouldn’t be him, she hoped she’d find someone to dominate her the way she wanted, to heed to their every command. She just needed something primal and raw. She planned out the rest of her day to partake in all forms of self care, making herself even more irresistible than she already was. By 2PM, she’d already gotten her eyebrows done and finished her wax appointment. She hadn’t been bare like that in so long and any slight breeze felt like a whisper in the wind. It was time for new lingerie though it had a high chance of being ripped off her body in less than 12 hours.

She had a hard time choosing until a red lacy see through thong caught her eye.

“Oh yea – this’ll do.”  She leaves the store and makes a stop at her deli before going home.

“Okay. Three hours till I leave.” She finds herself engulfed in the latest episode of the reality show her and her friends are watching with bag of Takis serving as her company.

It’s 7PM and it’s time to find her mate for the night. Her dress is absolutely stunning. Her hair, freshly washed and curled to perfection, her new perfume, sweet and not overbearing. She turns off the television, and leaves her house. Gametime.

Her heart is beating out of her chest.  Am I really going to find someone at a cocktail bar, this easy? She hops in her Uber and dreams on how the evening will transpire.

“Going somewhere special, Miss?” the driver inquires.

“Meeting a friend for drinks, thank you for asking.”

“Lucky guy eh? You look good. ”

She is reluctant to respond as a knot begins to dwell in her stomach. “Fucking pervert” she thought, she wasn’t THAT desperate. She scurries out the Uber into the cocktail bar fifteen minutes later, disgusted by the interaction. She thought the excursion might be amiss once she saw how absolutely packed the bar was – but alas, she saw it through.

“Table for one, please”  she requested.

“Certainly, right this way miss”

Perfect, a corner seat. She sits down and pulls out her phone, hoping a ‘Spam’ caller could save her from looking like a fucking loner in a bar full of people. The bartender approaches and she finally looks up from her phone.

“One Cosmo, please” As the bartender jots down her order.

Halfway through her drink, her peripheral sees a figure approach.

“Alone?” He probes.

“What do you think?” Her response shocks him but in actuality she is mesmerized by the specimen. His face clean shaven, his eyes hazel brown, and she sees his bulging muscles through his shirt. He looks strong, like he can do everything she wants and then some. I wonder if he can bench press 125 pounds. This might be it. This might be the perfect candidate to forget about…him.

“Feisty, let me get you another, Cosmo.”

They hit it off, he’s a family man and she likes that. Not that she’s even thinking about kids right now but who knows? What if he ends up being Mr. Right. As the night progresses, she has become more touchy. Her hands caress his arms and his find her waist. The night is perfect. This is it. As they finally lean in for a kiss, he feels his pocket vibrate.

“Be right back, I need to take this.”

Wow. She thought. She’s ready to go home with him as soon as he gets back. He will be the man to meet her needs. As he walks back her mind races, she is ready to submit.  

“Hope he doesn’t mind and open bag of Takis on the table.” She remembered her snack from earlier.

He returns with a sulk – “ I’m so sorry, I have to leave, family emergency. This was great though, and listen, I took care of the bill.”

As disappointed as she was, she couldn’t fault the man for having to tend to his family.

“You know what, no worries, I had fun.” But she really wanted to dig a hole and bury herself in it.

He gives her a tight squeeze and puts her number in his phone. “Let me at least call you an Uber? We had a couple of cocktails and you look to good to be out and about.”

She didn’t resist. “Hopefully see you soon?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

It’s 11PM and she sticks her key in the door and turns the light on.

“What a waste of time, you’ll get ‘em next ti— oh I guess I did put my Takis away.”

She hops right into bed with her dress on, disappointed by the evening.

RING RING RING RING

“Well that was fast, we just exchanged numbers, I knew he couldn’t resist.”

UNKNOWN CALLER ID

She throws her phone across the room. For the first time in a five days. She’d finally forgotten about him. The distraction worked. She lets the phone go to voicemail hoping it that was it. She wasn’t sure anymore if she wanted to relive that night.

RING RING RING RING

“What do I do” she thought to herself. She prances over, the phone now lodged behind the TV console. In her tipsy state, it felt like two seconds and two minutes had passed all at once. Finally, rummaging enough to grab the phone, she hesitated to pick up and watched the phone ring. Why was she so afraid? Is this not what she wanted just…yesterday?

She hopped back into bed, finally remembering the Takis that were put away. As she gets up, her phone rings once again.

Answering the phone shakily, “H-hello?”

"Tsk Tsk Tsk, was I not good enough for you?"

The lights go off and her heart sinks to her feet. She’s grabbed by her waist and thrown on her bed.

-------------------

As she gears up to let out a scream, he catches her and puts his hands over her mouth.

There it is. The mask, the faint smell of whiskey, and the convoluted feeling of wanting to resist and accept. Who is this man? Did he do this with anybody else in the past couple days? Does he have a job? All these thoughts were running through her head.

She releases her breath and he finally begins to speak,

The silver knife presses against her jugular, “You remember the rules don’t you? You scream, and you’re done for. I have no problem gutting you like a fish.” He uncovers her mouth and she stays silent – reaching in his pocket he pulls out.. a belt?

Did he feel bad about the zip tie marks from last time? She thought to herself.

He pins on her stomach, tying her hands behind her back in tightest loop. In this position, she’s helpless. A few hours ago, she was getting dressed up in her finest garments, and now those garments just sit on her body, as potential crime scene evidence. This doesn’t go unnoticed to Ghostface, as he stands back, absolutely blown away by her satin dress, each stitch complimenting her body, as disheveled as she is, she’s beautiful.

“What are you going to do to me? Why are you back here?” She worries

“From now on, you ask permission to speak.” He responds

She is silent. He walks back to the mattress and blindfolds her with the handkerchief in his pocket. He can be himself now, taking off his mask and gloves, capitalizing on her lack of vision. He flips her over as if she were a featherweight. God, he is strong. Pulling her to the edge of the bed, he leans over her. She doesn’t realize it, but they’re face to face. Their bodies are parallel on one another on the bed. As he makes his way down, he kisses parts of her body where his lips fall. Her breathing begins to slow, resisting is starting to subside into full submission. He makes his way to her thighs and lifts up her new dress that she planned on returning but, at this point she is just grateful to make it out alive. He kisses her stomach, and nibbles on both parts of her thigh. She feels his facial hair graze across her naked legs, freshly waxed from several hours prior. *TEARS* There goes her new underwear. He stands up to look at his victim, she is silent. Her ripped underwear flown across the room as she lays there with her hands tied behind her back.

“Did you look this good, for me?”

*She is silent*

“That’s my girl.”

He stomps back to the edge of the bed and gets on his knees, pulling her closer, burying his head between her legs, immediately noticing that she is wet. As he sticks his tongue on her cunt, he feels her quiver. Both hands holding her thighs as his tongue mouths the alphabet. She can feel the size of his hands squeezing on her thighs and this enthralls her. She can feel it. She can feel herself reach her destination soon. He pushes her legs back moves his left hand to accompany her pleasure, immediately putting two fingers inside. As if he is working overtime, his tongue flicks her clit and his finger motions back and forth, he doesn’t plan on stopping.

“FUCK” she exclaims.

He gets up, “You didn’t ask for permission to speak. You need to ask me to speak.”

She feels him move and expresses her concern, what is he about to do? “Please, I’m so sorry, please I’ll ask next time, pl-“

Before she can finish her plea, she can feel him inside of her, “This is your punishment. This is what happens to good girls that don’t listen.”

He slowly inches his way inside of her, of what feels like a never-ending entrance until their thighs finally touch. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol speaking but she felt every inch of his member. The veins, the head, the girth. She felt it all. He squeezes the left side of her satin dress with one hand and finds the other on her throat. She feels better than last time. He takes himself almost all the way out, and puts himself back in. Aggressively repeating this motion while gazing at his victim. At every reentrance, her body jerked forward leaving her in bliss. This is what she wanted, and she was almost there. The feeling of him, thrusting into every ounce of her body. The size of his hand around her throat. The appreciation of her thighs. Oh god, I can’t believe it, I’m going to come. She learned her lesson from last time and kept this herself. She finishes and he leans in.

“See what happens, when you listen? You did so good.”

The praise turns her on even more. Her cunt throbs and begs for him again.

He flips her over.

Fuck yes. She thought.

Hands behind her back on her stomach, he caresses her bottom. Showing both cheeks love with a hard smack. She lets out a deep breath, ridding herself from making too much noise. He smacks her once again, twice as hard. She is still silent.

“I’m so proud of you.”

The validation is too much. She needs him now. She is ready to submit again. He doesn’t waste a beat and there he was. He’s back in. Her mouth dropping at the feel of getting filled up by this strangers cock for the second time tonight.

He tugs on her hair and grabs on her waist. He knows how to work her, his cock ramming into her with every stroke. He knows he is close and he can feel her reaching climax. As they near their finish, he exclaims, “Now, you may speak.”

“FUCK IM-“

His hands cover her mouth as they finish at the same time. She is out of breath and pushes herself into her bed, unable to believe what just happened.

Simultaneously, he stands back pulling himself out to remain alienated with his masks and gloves before taking off her blindfold. Uncovering her eyes, and freeing her from the belt strap he was prepared for the onslaught of questions again, but instead she lay speechless. As he was approaching the window, she only had one thing to say.

“He would have never been as good as you.”

He pauses and exits through the window, leaving her to finally indulge in the Takis again from earlier.

[x-lee-cya]

I've seen many posts about people missing how common asks used to be so I have been trying to send about an ask a week. Now I send this ask first anytime I follow someone as I really don't want to bother anyone, so I'd love to know if you enjoy receiving asks and if so what kind of asks. Not having energy for asks or being comfortable with them is perfectly okay.

The categories I have in my ask notebook that I file under are in colour. Please feel free to make your response as long as you want or private (the asker cannot directly respond to private responses).

Self, Job/Work: please let me know what you are comfortable with from eh idk just ask it to nothing personal at all.

Baggishield/Tolkien, Dragon Age, Johnlock/Sherlock, ineffable spouses, other fandom: Please let me know what fandoms. I think my main fandoms and ships are Bagginshield/The Hobbit, Sherlock/Johnlock, Dragon Age Inquisition, {Pippin/Faramir Merry/Eowyn}/The Lord of the Rings and I dip my toes in a few that I currently can't remember but ships I don't engage with the canon of at all are: Good Omens but only for Crowley/Azirapheal, Stranger Things but only for Steve/Eddie , The Witcher but only for Geralt/Jaskier, and Ladybug and Cat Noir but only for Adrinette .

OC's, art/drawing, their writing, blog specific only

Story snippets ideas and prompts: Do you like receiving them?

Pets: I'd love to know all about them

Garden and Hobbies: What type of gardening and/or hobbies?

Like being tagged in things: If so what kinds of things?

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer.

hello!!! yeah, i love receiving asks, lmao, & as for ur questions:

self, job/work: hmmm. im not rly comfy w any major questions ab my irl life (like stuff along the lines of “where specifically t do you live” (like im a brit, but if somewhere were to ask js where i live in the uk, i wldnt answer, as is common sense (imo) when it comes to the internet), “how old are you” “what is (are) your irl name(s)” etc. etc. - identifying stuff, basically), tho anythin’ else is pretty much on the table rn.

fandoms: oh, fandoms my beloved. my main fandoms atm (for both reading & writing, tho some r only reading while some r only writing, etc. etc.) are cuphead (i have way too much worldbuilding for this one au of mine that branches off into so many aus of the au, its genuinely gettin a lil crazy /pos /lh; i write fic for this one, aswell- in fact, its kinda my main writing-for fandom atm ^^), the hobbit (bagginshield my beloved i love you shjshsjehejs - i also dable vaguely in lotr (mainly gimli/legolas + parentshield tbh lmao) but its mostly js the hobbit for me), good omens (i love the ineffables i love s1 & s2 & HSJSHSJSHSJ i js love it like. all around. fuck gaimon tho, death of the author tyvmm), my hero academia/boku no hero academia (i dont engage w fandom much other then a few fanfic writers’ blogs here on tumblr & ao3 fanfic lmao XD; love the anime tho), harry potter (FUCK jkr, speaking as a brit myself none of us claim her, the transphobes can have her, we dont want her /lh - love the (good parts of) fanbase tho. ive actually made some rly good fic-writer friends thru it over on discord lmao), & ofc rise of the guardians!!! (fuckin love that thing, so sad there was never a second move :sadblob: love playin around w fanon/fandom lore tho, & i LOVE jackrabbit (bunnymund/jack) its my main ship in the fandom, tho im a multishipper so im also kinda partial to some other ones ofc)

ocs, art/drawing, writing, blog specific: not entirely sure what this one’s asking/if its actually a question, but imma answer it any lolol XD. anygays - ocs: i have a few cuphead ocs, but none of ‘em r self-inserts & all only rly exist bc of/for/to enhance/move forward the plot of my (main) cuphead au, tho ofc theyre still ocs - love ‘em like my children even if i dont love ‘em as much as i do the canon characters, snirk. art/drawing: i do draw, tho i rarely post any of my art, and one or two times i have its usually bc im js proud enough of it to want to share it, ehehe. writing: i write. so much fanfic. none of its posted, but i have so many wips i frankly dont know when any one of ‘em will be, sooo… shrug. blog specific: my blog isnt rly “specific”; its more js a place for me to enage w cool art & fics & such & reblog stuff i like on here as well as probably self-promo my own fics & such, as well as js a place to put my random ramblings in XD.

story snippets & prompts: oh, i love ‘em!! always nice 2 get a new burst of writing motivation ::D

pets: ohhh, cats. i love cats. had one for a while for around a good two years or so but after he injured his paw & we had 2 keep him inside for 3 weeks straight, the flightly lil bugger’s runaway. he (might’ve; still don’t know for sure whether it rly was him or not, but he apparently responded to his name from my mother’s accounts, so :shrug:) came back in the middle of the night a week or so ago now, but idtk whether he’s dead, alive, or js been taken in by some other family who thinks he’s a stray. :sigh:

gardening & hobbies: i don’t garden, and as for hobbies… not much, rly. i like writing fic, i like reading, i like going on (short, i have shite stamina) walks every other day or so, i like talkin w my few friends. like i said, not much. ::)

like being tagged in things: yes, i do! and as for what… anything, rly! tag games, fic wip games, askbox/ask games, im good w ‘em all! ::D

thx for the ask; have a good day/night/timezone!! ::>

[trolagygirl2022]

I know this isnt kpop related but I need a second pair of eyes to clarify something that I mightve seen or either got wrong so you know the elisa lam case or if not im sure you can search it up but if you could do me a favor and check the cctv footage and see if its the same as the cecil hotel elevators cause I dont know how I only realized this not long ago or literally today but the hotel elevator is completely different to the one they claim in the netflix series

my reasons is there looks to be no mirrors in the edited pixelated elisa lam footage, the floor in the cecil elevators is actually darkish or almost marbled whilst the hotel shown is actually creamy white with lines across it and a yellow or gold border around the edge of the elevator. why did i not see this before im so stupid at times

someones lying ur honorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I mightve almost cracked the nonexistant case cause it didnt actually happen even if she / he stayed at the cecil hotel in downtown LA I still think the case as a whole is smoke and mirrors and either is a cover for whay really happened OR I think its someone else playing tricks on people probably a big named celeb in disguise. idols dressed up as women to disguise themselves from their fans so they could date whos to say "elisa" is just a false identity used by someone cough cough I know which mf it might actually be and I think theres two of them that are more related cough cough elvis also used a fake name to book into hotels, she or he did the whole tumblr, twitter and instagram thing to kinda give clues n shit but im not that dumb, she/he even tweeted that male kpop idols are the best dressed. Now im not saying she could still be alive under a new name BUT it is a possible suggestion because she could now be rich and or have a rich child thats an idol... the idol tweet is still on the account btw. out of all the things she posted that stuck out to me the most and ik another certain someone that also loves a certain kpop group but I think if elisa isnt who I think it is then it would be nuts for them to have what? 3 different names. their birth name then this fake name and then an other name that they now use for their public image but ai guess its part of what they do so they can be doing other hmm maybe neffarious things that no one will ever know that its them.

to think I have even seen this person in person too it would make sense if it was a disguise but it sounds so crazy and almost unbelieveable. Its nuts that I also cant find any real files on any family search site that even prove this person is who I think they are like no files exist bar the burial site one which I dont believe was real in other words they put it there to add to the "mystery" that never was real to begin with.

I would love to know your input or if you have any other thoughts on this.

I remember that case 😭 that's honestly very scary and stuff like that is why I stopped watching true crime :(

[winterscaptain]

in the dark.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

request from anon: I dont know if you've already done something like this 😅 But can you do a hotch x new bau member? Like her and hotch are already a thing and they try to keep it hidden (and they do for a like a month) before someone makes the connection. Just a big secret fluff fest?

a/n: ask and you shall receive anon! secret fluff fests happen to be my specialty, and you’ll need hella mouthwash and floss for this one to avoid cavities. i had SO much fun writing this one and couldn’t wait until the morning to post it.  words: 4,791 (whoops) warnings: some swearing, nothing too wild. 

part two!

AO3 | Masterlist | Requests Closed for Now!

+++

You stepped into the elevator and took it to the sixth floor, where you knew the exact route you needed to take to avoid the BAU bullpen. You’d been called to Erin Strauss’s office, pulled from the heavy caseload at CARD for some kind of mystery meeting with the adjacent section chief.

Checking your watch, you figured that there would be enough time to for a visit before returning to the eighth floor if this meeting didn’t run too long.

“Good morning, Agent. Thank you for coming in.”

You were halfway impressed – you’d barely made it through the door when she started talking. “Good morning, ma’am.”

She stood, handing you a folder. “This shouldn’t take too long, but you’re welcome to sit.”

You flipped through the folder, taking a seat in one of the chairs across from her desk. “A transfer from CARD, ma’am?”

Erin nodded. “I’d like you to try a stint in the BAU. We are working to fill a few roles as the unit’s caseload increases, and when asked, your unit chief did not hesitate to recommend you.”

Oh god.

Your thought died on your tongue before it could leave your mouth.

That was a problem for another time.

You cleared your throat to cover the rising heat in your cheeks. “Yes, ma’am. Of course.”

“You should have no issues settling into the team. Your new unit chief, Aaron Hotchner, is a strong personality, and I am the first person to tell you he’s not always easy to get along with –“

You stifled a laugh, covering it with a light cough into your elbow.

“- but his team is very capable. If you have any issues at all, feel free to bring them to me.” She placed her reading glasses back on her nose and signed something in front of her.

“Shall I report to Agent Hotchner today?”

Agent Hotchner. That’s a goddamn crackup.

“No, not today. I’ll get everything in order for your arrival tomorrow. Report at 9am tomorrow. Agent Hotchner will be ready for you.”

You’re damn right he will.

+++

You rolled over in bed and burrowed into the warm body beside you. To get any closer, you’d have to be under his skin.

Aaron grumbled and managed to pull you even closer, one arm spanning the length of your spine and the other resting across your thigh where it was slung over his hip.

You were somewhere between sleeping and waking for the next hour or so. The slow rise and fall of Aaron’s chest under your cheek brought you a bone-deep calm, letting you rest comfortably in that liminal space.

You were prepared when Aaron’s alarm went off, a full half-hour before it normally did.

“Early meeting?” you asked, as if you didn’t already know.

He hummed an affirmative and tipped your chin up with one finger. “No earlier than usual, but I want to get settled in before the day starts.”

My favorite Type-A Unit Chief.

You smiled against his mouth, stretching up into his kiss. It quickly turned less-than chaste, your tongues sliding together and your hands wandering across his chest and back. The raised ridges of his scars marked your path as you traced invisible patterns on his skin. You knew his body as well as he did, maybe better, and he yours.

After a few minutes, you came to your senses and pulled back. He looked dazed, his lips swollen and plush, his hair soft and tousled on top of his head.

“You have no business looking that good when you have to leave early,” you said with a light laugh. You carded your fingers through the hair at his temples, taking the opportunity to sweep your thumb across his cheekbone.  

He gave you a crooked grin and reached for you again. You rolled away from him, pressing your palms to his chest and locking your elbows.

“If you keep this up, you’re gonna be late.”

Aaron rolled his eyes and threw the covers back, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. You launched yourself across the bed and wrapped your arms around him, tracing the lines of his chest and abdomen with light and playful fingers.

“As you so astutely pointed out, I will be late if you keep this up.” His chastisement was weak, at best.

You pressed kisses to the space between his shoulder blades and pushed him out of bed. He turned around and brought your face between his hands, pressing a series of kisses against your lips.

How he ever makes it to work on time, I have no idea.

+++

At about 8:50 that morning, Strauss knocked twice on Aaron’s open office door before letting herself in.

Aaron looked up. After processing who it was, he set his pen down and laced his fingers.

Why is she always ten minutes early?

“Good morning, ma’am.”

“Good morning, Agent Hotchner.” She looked a little antsy, but he wasn’t sure if that was just her general affect, or something more specific.

“What can I do for you this morning?”

“You have a new agent reporting to your unit this morning. Highly recommended. An asset. Please be welcoming.” She was short and to the point, but it made Aaron’s head hurt.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “All due respect, ma’am, it has been very difficult for me to manage these new agents with such little notice.”

“I understand, but that is my call and not yours.” Aaron suppressed a sigh as she continued. “You’re perfectly capable of managing a larger team, especially one with such capable agents.” She placed the personnel file on his desk and walked out, leaving the door open behind her.

“Damn it,” he said to himself. There was no point in reviewing the file – it was entirely possible Strauss told the agent to report at nine, which means they would probably arrive early, which means –

“Aaron?”

He looked up at the door and his face broke out into a smile in spite of his sour mood. After a quick moment, he sobered and picked up the file on his desk. “I can’t chat long, sweetheart – I have a new agent reporting this morning.”

You did your best to look both politely interested and appropriately surprised.

“Oh, of course, love. I’ll leave you to it.” You were still smiling at him, waiting for it all to click into place.

“Thank you. It shouldn’t be long. We haven’t been called on a case yet this week, and the new agent will have to sit with Dave to work through a couple of consults so I can get a better read on capabilities...” He trailed off, distracted. He opened the file but didn’t look down, his gaze still stuck on you.

You sauntered back toward him. Your palms met the cool wood of the desk as you leaned over it and kissed him lightly. His shaky exhale fanned across your face – restraint evident in his posture. You were taunting him, and he knew it.

But the door was closed....damn it.

He still hadn’t looked down at the file, but a small smile dancing around his mouth. “You can’t be here. My new agent will be here in a few minutes, at the very most.”

“Who’s the agent?”

He shook his head and glanced down at the file. He did a double-take, and the only thing more comical than his head flying back up was the pink flush that rushed to his cheeks.

There was silence for a moment as you watched him process the information before him. 

“You’re my new agent,” he said. It wasn’t a question.

You winked at him.

“Did you ask?”

You shook your head and sat, leaning back in the chair and getting comfortable.

“When did you find out?”

“Yesterday.”

He closed the file and set it back on his desk. His arms crossed as he reclined in his chair, an eyebrow raised at you.

You finally gave in, resting your elbows on his desk and your chin in your hands. “Are you upset?”

He laughed, and you were happy the door was closed. There was no way you could keep anything from the team if they’d heard that. “No, I’m not upset. We’ll just have to compartmentalize a little bit. It won’t be easy, and we’ll have to tell Strauss eventually.”

“Let’s just see how long it takes for the team to pick up on it, and we’ll go from there. What do you think?” Keeping a team of profilers in the dark was no easy task, but you were up to the challenge.

Aaron’s face drops into his normal operating expression – stoic and a little skeptical. You’d seen it before, and you supposed you’d grow even more accustomed to it soon enough. “That sounds perfectly reasonable, Agent. You can speak to facilities about getting a desk downstairs. Report to Agent Rossi next door – he will walk you through all of our procedures.”

You suppressed a smile and stood. “Thank you, sir. Will that be all?”

He returned to his report, but there was a smile threatening at the corner of his mouth. “Yes, Agent. That will be all. Thank you.”

This was going to be fun.

+++

Your first three cases went smoothly. You quickly endeared yourself to the team and had a natural knack for building geographical profiles with Reid. Hotch did his best to pay you very little mind in the field, only to knock on your hotel room door in the very small hours of the morning.

The humor in referring to him as “Hotch” and “Agent Hotchner” and “Sir” hadn’t worn off yet. You had to suppress a smile every single time. It was easier for him, as he was so accustomed to working with his natural stoicism. The hardest part for the both of you was avoiding anything that looked like familiarity. Casual brushes of his arm, catching his sleeve, his hand on your lower back as you got into the car – it all had to go.

You’re new. You’re new. You don’t know anyone. Keep it together.

It was a game, in some ways, and one you both enjoyed playing for different reasons.

“How are you liking it so far?” Emily asked, dropping down next to you on the jet.

Aaron was across from you at the table, and you’d been playing a quiet game of footsie for the better part of fifteen minutes. You pulled away first, tucking one foot under you as you turned to face Emily.

“So far so good,” you replied. “It’s a little bloodier than CARD, but dealing with adults is always easier than dealing with parents.”

She laughed lightly and clicked her tongue. “Well, once you get your first case with kids, we’ll revisit that one.” She lowered her voice, not that Hotch wouldn’t be able to hear her. “They’re always particularly hard on JJ and Hotch, you know.”

You nodded sagely. “I can imagine.”

Hotch raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.

She bumped your shoulder with hers and invited you to drinks with Derek and Penelope when all the paperwork was finished.

“Sure,” you said, beaming. “I’d love to.”

You looked back down at your tablet as she rose to find a better place to nap. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a minuscule grin on Aaron’s face and returned it with one of your own.

+++

“Oh c’mon everyone has a crush on someone in their section,” JJ exclaimed, looking to Penelope for confirmation. All of you, save for Aaron and Dave, piled into the car and went to the bar when you finished your case reports.

Garcia nodded. “Oh absolutely. Have you seen those TASK guys?”

“Hey, I’m right here.” Morgan pulled on one of her pigtails. She stuck her tongue out at him.

“No but seriously,” Emily said. “Anyone catching your eye?”

You shrugged noncommittally, sipping your drink. “Not really.”

JJ squinted at you. “You might want to rethink lying to a bunch of profilers.”

“I thought profiling each other was against the rules!”

Emily rolled her eyes. “Well yeah, but that’s mostly for the big stuff, and it’s more a suggestion than a rule.”

“I thought I saw you eyein’ our fearless leader last week,” Penelope said with a sly grin.

You rolled your eyes and took a sip of your drink, buying yourself some time. You knew exactly what she was talking about – a press conference, in which Hotch shut down a particularly combative reporter with a practiced finesse. You’d failed to hide your smile before Penelope caught you, on one of her rare outings on a case.

“Yeah! I watched you guys on that last case. He’s way nicer to you than he was to me when I first got here.” Emily sounded a little hurt and a lot indignant.

Derek bumped your shoulder with his and gestured to Emily. “That’s because she was insufferable when she first got here,” he stage-whispered.

Emily looked damn near close to throwing her drink at him when you finally relented.

“Okay, fine. I may or may not have noticed that Hotch is...attractive.” You tried your best to sound more evasive and far less sure than you were. You were certain Aaron was one of the finer men you’d ever laid your eyes on, but they didn’t need to know that.

“Aha!” JJ said with a laugh. “I knew it!”

“What?” You asked

“You’ve got a crush on Ho-“ She shut her mouth abruptly as her gaze shifted over your shoulder. Emily swiftly took a massive sip of her drink and set it down a little too roughly.

You all turned around, only to find Hotch standing behind you at the bar.

“Am I too late?”

“No!” Penelope said, a little too quickly. “Not at all. Here, take my seat.”

She vacated the seat beside you, and you shot her a look.

You were playing your part well, and so was Aaron. With a small smile, he sat beside you.

“Settling in okay?” He asked. The bartender placed a beer in front of him, and he winked at you when he took a drink.

“Ah,” you said. “Emily beat you to that question,” you checked your watch, “about an hour ago. I think I said something about it being a little bloodier than I imagined, and that my new boss is a real hardass.”

+++

When you stumbled through the door of his apartment, a bit flushed and a little tipsy, you couldn’t stop laughing. You toed off your shoes and collapsed into his chest, looping your arms around his neck.

“Emily was trying so hard to weasel something out of me! You should have seen her, Aaron it was hilarious.”

He pulled you close and pressed his cold nose into your neck. You jumped and gave his hair a swift tug.

He looked up and his eyes darkened. You knew that look.

My God, he’s handsome.

“What do you say we string them along a little longer?” He asked, his voice low and rough.

You gulped. “I think that’s a great idea.” It came out a little higher and a little breathier than you intended, but he tended to have that effect on you.

+++

You had just turned off the light when there was a knock on your hotel room door. With a sigh, you hauled yourself back out of bed and opened the door.

Aaron was on the other side, in his flannel pajama pants and one of his many black crew-neck t-shirts. He looked exhausted, but that was normal when you were on the road. 

“Want any company?”

As if he had to ask.

You stepped back, letting him in and locking the door behind him. He had a hand on you almost the entire time, fingers glancing across your skin as you felt your way across the room in the dark.

When you both settled under the covers, he wrapped around you, pulling you flush against him with your back to his chest. Within minutes, you were already dozing, safe and warm in his embrace.

“Hey, Y/N?” It was almost a whisper.

You matched his volume, as to not break the sanctity of the darkness. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d told you, not by a long shot. Nevertheless, it never lost its novelty. Maybe he said it a little differently or maybe you heard it a little differently each time he said it, but it always managed to set off a wave of affection that originated somewhere near your sternum.

You took his hand from where it rested against your abdomen and pressed a kiss to his palm. “I love you too.”

When your alarm woke you in the morning, he was gone. A note covered your phone where it rested on the nightstand. His blocky, even script danced in even lines across the paper.

Sweetheart,

I had to get back to my room before the others got up, but I didn’t want to wake you. I’ll see you at the precinct in a couple of hours.

I love you (even when you snore).

- AH

You scoffed. You’d get him back for that later.

I don’t snore, Aaron Hotchner.

+++

The laughter carried out of Aaron’s office and down the hall, where Dave was reading at his desk. He set his book down – the latest advance copy of a friend’s draft he’d offered to go over as a favor – and listened.

He thought he was mistaken, but he could swear he heard Aaron laughing, too.

And laughing he was. You were reaching forward with great ambition. Your one knee giving you leverage on the desk, one foot keeping your balance on one of the chairs, trying in vain to snatch the pen from his hand.

“Give it to me! You’ve been here for hours!”

Aaron’s left arm stretched high into the air as he reclined in his seat, the pen in question entirely out of your reach.

You changed tactics, bracing yourself against the desk as you leaned forward and snatched his tie. You pulled it, tugging him toward you. Your lips crashed together, and you wound the tie around your fingers to keep him close to you.

Kissing Aaron never got old. He relaxed into you, leaning forward. His hands were warm on your face, his thumbs sweeping across your cheekbones. You could feel the pen resting against your skin between his index and middle fingers.

You brought your hand to his wrist, your thumb at his pulse point. It was always reassuring to know he was here and alive. But there was, of course, an ulterior motive.

When you slid your fingers up the side of his hand, you took the pen from between his fingers. You threw it over your shoulder and he laughed into your mouth. You pulled back and kissed his nose. He looked at you, and you looked back for a moment, the outside world forgotten.

Meanwhile, Dave had left his office, peering through the not-so-closed blinds and listening through the open door.

“How long were you planning to keep us in the dark, kids?”

You jumped apart, skittering to your feet and turning around. At attention, you heard Aaron sigh and slowly rise to his feet.

“Dave, I –“

Rossi waved him off with a wide smile. “No need. As long as I get to be in on it, I’ll drag the rest along as long as you’d like.”

He crossed the office and took your face in his hands, kissing you on both cheeks. At your left, he whispered in your ear. “Thank you for taking care of his heart.”

+++

“Oh, you are so busted.”

Aaron froze where he stood, closing the door to your hotel room. He grit his teeth and took a breath. “JJ –“

She sauntered up to him with a smug smile. When she reached his shoulder, she shoved him playfully, her façade breaking immediately. She dropped her voice to a whisper. “I’m so happy for you.”

The corner of his mouth lifted in an almost-smile. “Thanks.”

Just then, you opened your door, holding his FBI windbreaker and fully expecting to sneak down the hall to his room. “Aaron, love, you forgot – fuck.”

JJ laughed. “For a pair of profilers, you two really suck at sneaking around.”

Your stomach dropped. “Do the others know?”

“I think Dave has picked up on a few things –“

Aaron shot you a look, but JJ was still looking at you.

“- and I think the rest of them are just hoping you’ll get your shit together.” She shrugged. “I’ll keep it under wraps – I’ve got money on another four months and I intend to rob Emily blind.”

You snorted, but Aaron grabbed your wrist – a warning.

Don’t tell her Dave knows, that touch said.

Just as Aaron predicted, she kept talking. “If you hold out for me, I’ll give you a third.” She raised her eyebrows and extended her hand to you.

“Deal,” you said.

She sighed, chuffed, and almost danced down the hallway. “See you later!”

+++

The ride home was quiet, with almost everyone asleep. Hotch was kicked back in one of the seats, his eyes closed, brow drawn, and arms crossed. You always tried to put yourself where you could see him, without getting too close.

Derek sat beside you, and you thought he was asleep, when –

“Are you gonna tell me what’s goin’ on between you and Hotch?”

You looked at him over your nose. “I don’t know what you’re referring to. You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

He removed his headphones entirely, keeping them around his neck. “Oh come on. You might be able to trick the rest of them, but not me.”

It was true. Derek was the one you had your eye on from the beginning, and Hotch had told you to remain especially vigilant around him.

When you didn’t say anything, Derek continued.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you. You’re better at hiding it than he is.”

Your cheeks warmed, and a smile pulled at your lips. “Really?”

He nodded. “Hotch is a sucker when he’s in love. I saw it when I first met Haley, and I see it with you.

“I’ve got money on catching you guys next week, so let’s keep this on the low for now. I will, however, be very impressed if you manage to keep this under wraps much longer than that.” He shrugged. “If JJ wins, I’ll babysit Jack for a night so you guys can go out on a real date.”

You offered your hand, and he shook it once. “You’ve got yourself a deal, Morgan.”

He put his headphones back on, tipped his head back, and closed his eyes.

When you glanced up, Hotch’s eyes were watching, half-lidded. You knew he heard the whole thing. He gave you one of his smiles that wasn’t quite a smile and closed his eyes again.

+++

A few nights later, you all had plans to meet up at Dave’s for dinner. You and Aaron were there a little early and could take a few minutes to relax. You were curled up on the couch at Hotch’s side, his arms wrapped around you to pull you snug to his chest. Dave had a movie on – one of those loud action movies starring some famous bald guy with an iconic one-liner and a bad attitude.

You got so caught up in the movie you didn’t hear Spencer and Penelope arrive. By this point, you were halfway into Aaron’s lap, his cheek against your temple, and your fingers tracing patterns on the hand that rested on your hip.

“Oh. My. God.” Penelope stopped dead in her tracks, snatching Spencer’s sleeve.

At this point, it was just funny. You looked up at Aaron and laughed, tucking further into him. He kissed your forehead and looked up at them over your head.

“Where’d you have your money, Garcia?” He asked.

Penelope shrugged. “I’m out, I had three weeks ago, on the Nevada case.”

“I had a maximum of seven months, based on our last bought of big secret-keeping,” said Spencer. “So I’m out too. We’re going on eight months and five days, now. Emily’s up next, at the nine-to-nine-and-a-half month mark.”

They plopped down on the couch beside you, and you disentangled yourself from Aaron. Penelope glommed on to your arm. “What are we watching?”

+++

The end of the night found Dave, JJ, Derek, You, Aaron, and Penelope outlasting Emily, who graciously offered to drive Spencer home. You and Aaron were cleaning up in the kitchen, visible through the big window, while the rest of the team lounged by the firepit.  You sprayed Aaron with water from the sink, and he swatted you with a towel. Very few dishes were actually washed.

They couldn’t hear your laughter, but they saw it written all over your faces.

“So,” Derek started. “Who knew?”

They all shared a look for a moment before bursting into laughter. They realized the game you played was better than the one they thought.

“Who’s the only one who doesn’t?”

JJ smirked into her wine glass. “Oh, that would be Emily.”

Derek offered the neck of his beer bottle, and JJ clinked her glass against it. “How’d you manage that?”

“Nuh-uh. Not a chance. I don’t kiss and tell.” She winked at him.

+++

“Oh, goddamn it, you guys! You couldn’t have done this last month?” Emily threw her hands in the air.

She’d just pulled the kitchen divider curtain on the jet home from an exceedingly long case. When you last checked, everyone was fast asleep. Even then, though, you’d grown more lax in the off-hours – Emily’s bet had long since lapsed, and everyone else (who mattered) knew.

You sat on the counter, with Hotch leaning between your legs. He was making a cup of coffee, seemingly uninhibited by the obstacle of your body. Your phone was in one hand, and the other was resting casually on Aaron’s shoulder, playing with the hair behind his ear.

Aaron stood up straight, his coffee in his hand. With his usual deadpan, he took a sip and said, “Sin to win weekend is coming up, if you’re worried about your account balance.”

There was a snort from behind her, and you belatedly realized her exclamation had woken the rest of the team. JJ was already collecting cash from Dave and Derek. She ruffled Spencer’s hair on her way past him. Derek dialed Penelope, and almost immediately had to take the phone away from his ear to avoid premature deafness.

JJ stood before Emily with one hand on her cocked hip and the other extended palm up, right under Emily’s nose.

Emily scoffed and pulled out her wallet. “You suck.”

+++

Three Months Later

There was a knock on your door, and you smiled to yourself as you signed another document. “Come in.”

The familiar figure sat at the chair across from you, kicking up his feet like he owned the place. You didn’t look up from your work.

“Get your feet off my desk, Hotchner.”

He huffed, but the dress shoes disappeared from the polished surface. They were soon replaced by a pair of elbows and a set of ten laced fingers. 

It was nice to be back in CARD. A couple of people from the Critical Response Team had transferred out of the unit, leaving significant gaps in leadership. You were now the Special Agent In Charge for Northeast CARD operations and Deputy Unit Chief – duel positions that kept you mostly chained to your desk unless something went horribly awry.

There was no need for Aaron and you to sneak around anymore, but you missed it a little. A secret was a little exciting – something that was just yours.

But then again, that was the thing about love. It didn’t have to be exciting to make your chest feel too small for all the things you kept inside of it.

You finally looked up from your file, closing it and pushing it off to the side. Warm eyes met you across the desk.

“What can I help you with, Agent Hotchner?” Your tone was crisp and professional, but you reached for his hand, and he took it.

He rolled his eyes. “The team is going out tonight.”

“And?” You raised an eyebrow.

He stood without releasing your hand and rounded your desk, pulling you to your feet. “You’re coming with us.”

“I am?”

A tug and you were pulled flush against him. “Of course.”

“And after?”

“Jack’s with his grandparents for the weekend,” he said.

When you kissed him, you could feel his smile against your lips.

+++

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @agenthotchner @hurricanejjareau @fics-ilike @octothorpetopus @ange-must-die @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @shrimpyblog @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @saintd0lce @good-heavens-chris-evans @davidrossi-ismydad @angelsbabey @gublergirls 

@vintagecaptainspidey @venusbarnesmb @writefasttalkevenfaster (thought this might be up your alley, but let me know i’ve im overstepping at all xo)

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Twenty First Lines

I was tagged by @sagechanoafterdark, thank you for the tag Lovely 💚

Like Sage in her Post, Im might do a extra line or two to give a real feel for it. Im also going to do it random, not just my latest ones, because to be honest, I dont know when I posted some things and in what order. 

I have forgotten about some of these! It was fun seeing them again. 

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag some of your favorite writers!

The cold steel of the pole easily slicked along your heated thighs as you spun around it, your head tipping back as the rush of the club’s sultry lights turned into blurs will you easily landed on your toes. You Can Be The Boss- Mob!Steve x You x Mob!Bucky

The family settled and a few weeks later, morning started out normal for the rest of the household , but didn’t start that way for Andy. His coughing never seemed to break and he was covered in a light sheen of sweat. Home Sweet Home: Catch ‘Em Andy Barber x You

You unlocked the apartment door and stepped into the blessed warm house, sighing in relief at the smell that hit your senses. “God Sam, that smells so damn good.” Go Relax Sam Wilson x You

“Fuck!” He hissed above you before collapsing over you, his words muffled in your shoulder, and you, with your ankles hooked together, heels digging into his ass cheek and purring underneath him, nuzzled his shoulder with a satisfied sigh, your hands smoothing up and down his back in a loving gesture, was how you found yourself in a slightly lightning room. “The Barnes Special” Bucky Barnes x You

Early morning light streamed across Curtis’ face, and he slung his arm over his eyes to block out the light with a groan. But he still had a grin, cause for 17 years there was no significance to day and night. Just This Forever Moment Curtis Everett x You (Life After Snowpiercer)

They had to make fun where they could, You would make up games with a die you still had, your younger brother, Matt sitting cross legged across from you on the bunk and a 4 year old Edgar in your lap, leaning over as much as possible without falling out of your lap. Taken (Early Years) Curtis Everett x You (Life After Snowpiercer) 

After you two came to a stalemate, you insisted on heading back outside and helping the remaining wolves. Attack Of The Winter Wolf: Salvaging The Lost Alpha Steve x Little One

“Weekend plans?” Sam asked Steve while they waited for the logs to be unloaded from the back of the truck to be sent into the mill to be filed down and then Steve could arrange to have them shipped out to buyers. The Pack: Heated Petals Alpha Steve x Little One

Ransom perched his sunglasses on the end of his nose as he peered over the frames to the quaint storefront you had him stop at. Surprising Finds Ransom x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader

“Come on Baby, just one more.” Ransom hissed against your ear, his tongue swiping over the shell of your ear while tightening his hold on your throat, your sobs coming out half strangled from needing to come on his cock that he kept pounding into you. You Can’t Get Better Then A Thrombey Ransom Drysdale x Reader

“Baby wake up.” You heard a husky whisper in your ear as well as a rough scrape against your shoulder from Franks cheek as he pressed in close to your back, the soft hairs of his chest pressed into your sleepy warm skin and you muttered a no into your pillow as you hid your face into the cotton covers. Remember? Frank Adler x You 

“Don’t start Y/N” Frank snapped a bit while glancing at you. Oppressive Frank Adler x You

Mike’s hand rubbed against his chin as he parked his rundown truck, the vehicle shuddering to a stop. Taking The Risks Chapter One Mike Weiss x You

You rolled in bed and was not surprised to find Paul’s spot slowly cooling. Although a glance at your bedside clock showed 7:30 am, which for you was early, it was sufficiently late for Paul. Moments Of Bliss Paul Diskant x You

“You came from where?” Sam questioned with a tilt of his head, arms folded across his chest as he raised a quizzical brow at the man in all red. This Is Still Marvel, Right? Deadpool x Sam Wilson x Bucky Barnes x You

As you were dragged away, you could hear the cheers echoing off the steel walls. Wilfords Demands: Separated Curtis Everett x You

“We’re not dropping the money! Push it, it can go over that ridge.” Recovering Your Catfish: Changes Frank “Catfish” Morales x You

You pick up a flute glass from a bypassing waitress and bring the bubbling liquid to your lips. The fizz tickled your nose as you sipped while glancing around the room, another social obligation that Sue and Reed’s were throwing for the science community. Feeding The Flames: Take A Seat Johnny Storm x You

“You are sure about this Johnny?” You asked as he ducked his head out of the riders changing room, glancing around at the semi darkened arena. Feeding The Flames: Wild Ride Johnny Storm x You

Bucky did just as he promised, he read until it was later in the evening, and then when he checked the time, he snapped the book shut and set it aside. The Perfect Life Part Four Dark!Steve Rogers x Dark!Bucky Barnes x You

“Okay Brian, you want this rom com to deliver.” Mike cracked his knuckles and let his fingers lower over the keys, starting to type out the main character’s opening scene, picturing the actress Brian described as standing just behind him, sitting at your kitchen table your grandmother gave you, picking at plates of food. Sweet, Spice and Hot Water Is Always Nice (Playing It Cool AU) Mike (Me) x You

SNEAK PEEK STORIES 

Ransom could only begin to guess what he would be walking into while he made his way up the steps to his front door. It was Christmas after all and you were in full holiday mode. Holiday Ransom Special Ransom Drysdale x You

<You are the one who let her go in there.> The Silver Alpha snarled out agitated while Steve paced nearby, wearing a path through the grass, trampling it down till it tore the delicate blades, leaving the scent of green vegetation in the plant's distress. Attack Of The Winter Wolf Chapter 5 Alpha Steve x Little One

“But Steve!” You whined as you crawled across the bed, pouting your perfect painted red lips at him, daring to dart the tip of your tongue out the corner as you looked up at him from under your lashes. “I really want to see you when you fuck me.” Sinfully Sweet Kinktober Special Mob!Steve x You x Mob!Bucky

“Bucky, I will behave. Whatever you want.” You cried into his shoulder as you felt the barn's darkness swallow you whole. The Perfect Life Chapter 5 Dark!Steve Rogers x Dark! Bucky Barnes x You

Tagging some awesome writers I know- @that-damn-girl @jtargaryen18 @what-is-your-plan-today @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @slothspaghettiwrites @myoxisbroken and anyone else who would like to participate. 

[maskedjoker]

We are getting really close to the scene in lost fragment of snow that was genuinely confusing in the book, and it's the scene were everyone in the circus is killed. I think what we will probably get is a scene were mana finally ends up giving into despair after he is hit and then allen is fed to a lion.

I think that with more current info, i can say for sure that sleeve earl and mana are a hybird. This will likely cause a resurgence of sleeve earl into taking over the body and becoming whole. This only lasts for a short time however and when cross confronts him after the rest of the circus has died from the audience turning into akuma(which i suppose are implied to be constantly just around the earl and is probably one of the many reasons cross warned Allen to stay away) some exchange of words or damage causes a lots of control. This damage however also hurts mana(or potentially just being forced out off control) causing him to loose even more memories as seen when mana and Allen reunite the next day.

Now i think we can agree that sleeve earl exists as a third entity, especially since her recent art exhibit interview, as she talked about the suit being a super sophisticated golem. I think in this case as with tim and lero yhat "golem" refers to AI. Id argue with the weird phrasing like helix of life and all the biotech style that magic is more often than not just more advanced technology, and wherever the noahs came from likely was, hence why they say they only seem strong because we have become so weak. This is only further shown with innocences resemblance to machines like its gear like parts and percentage resonance.

The noah memories in general i think are some kind of AI that passes through generation lines, carrying significant portions of its past forward and then fusing with a similar person in their lineage. For example early on road would have been just road, then through some means either became an AI(or was given a piece of someone that counts as one under golem, its unclear). Regardless once connected to the noah memory, it acts like a save file and becomes more sophisticated with time. It carries each life and gives all those memories, feelings and drives to a new body. So new road would remember being road, her life and everything, but also the life they had been living up until the two combined. Over time the noah memory keeps getting larger and larger to the point new experiences are so small, relatively speaking, that it overrides much more than normal. Since they are fuzed as one being they likely cant be separated without mutually assured destruction, were the current entity will die and any remains will not be the origionals, if anything remains at all. An example of this is that tyki could not be made human by Allen I their fight i the arc, despite having a blade that should destroy only part of him. Admittedly tyki is a special case though, and more tyki backstory is needed.

Changes from body to body become more subtle, but the base, which likely has a distinct core function as seen by its response to certain tasks and ideas, remains a strong aspect. This creates an almost reincarnation like effect for them, needing to only find a new body to continue.

The suit is like this, but different. I don't know how the original earl split, but i do think that some aspect of him was placed on the suit. I would like to say its the original version of the noah memories of the earl and nea got like a brand new copy, but i actually have no idea what memories he has of being past earl so its mostly a guess. Regardless the noah actually all seem to transform in some way when they get mega pissed. Im looking at you skinn, jasdevi, and tyki/joyd. So the suit is likely that kind of thing, but way more distinct and capable of acting autonomously. Since they all have different forms it makes sense that his would also be unique. They all probably represent some inner desire related to their memory. Skinn is just rage so big angry man works fine. Jasdero and devit are bonds so they want most to be one. Tyki got all fucked up before he changed so i got nothing, but it had a heavy does of sadism, which I guess is pleasure? Taking into account that killing in horrible graphic ways is his guilty pleasure it kinda makes sense.

So because of that, this sentient AI is constantly trying to pair with half a fucking brain because nea and mana only share one brain cell. Some kind of resistance from mana or strain causes him to constantly fall ill or comatose. Now to be clear on naming, sleeve earl does not refer to themselves as adam in the mirror scene nor does he refer to mana as adam, and only uses "we" when talking to mana about being the earl. Oddly enough the earls self pronouns are we, using wagashi which is kind of like the japanese equivalent of the royal we used in europe for the entirety of the series. For the record, mana in the flashbacks uses male or single they pronouns, i don't remember if he uses boku or watashi, but he uses at least one if not both.

So from this it seems millennium earl is a title, used by whatever is paired with the suit. Adam is the original name of the noah, and is the preferred name of the current earl aside from the title.

This circumstance was likely caused by the rest of the noah, who are using the earl for something related by the pillar. His separation either by accident or by intent was likely by the hands of his family trying to keep control for their ends. This is why the current earl is called a broken puppet and has so many things around him related to acting and stage plays. He is playing a role, the red clown to allens white clown as stated in the ark arc. He even wears a mask. His memories and mind have been damaged though, therefore broken. However broken puppet for both allen and the earl could also refer to a puppet that doesnt work as a double meaning, implying they can no longer be controlled or puppeted.

It is also implied that he is still unaware of this betrayal, but it is likely nea does to some degree as it would explain why he became a traitor and killed his own family. To be clear, i dont think all of the noah know everything, and i dont think they dont actually care for the earl. It seems they still genuinely follow him to their death and see him as one of their own, especially in cases like road, tyki and wisely.

Now early i said that different generations of noah would cope woth reincarnating differently. Since the earl only died once before 7000 years ago, id say resetting to a new body with only 17 years would be just smashed flat by any algorithm with that much data. However manas feelings are still the newest, and so still have an impact even on the current earl.

Now we come to resurrecting mana. How? Why? Well i dont know. But my guess is whatever part was the memories of mana for the 20 or so years he lived, or at least his memories at death, are in allen. His curse and weird hallucinations of mana seem to suggest it. Alternatively that part of his soul may have passed on, or it fuzed with the noah memory making the origional mana part of the hive and much like tyki and his noah memories cannot be seperated. Not good regardless.

As two additional things, i want to mention that hoshino is a twin and has always been obsessed with it, so having twins in her book was inevitable. What is extra weird is hoshino was actually going to be a triplet, but either her or her sister absorbed it before birth. She has mentioned it in dgm interviews and i cant PROVE it translates to anything in the plot but its suspicious. She also still list mana, nea and the earl as distinct in every book up to date in extra novels and at the start of her books. Oh and her favorite hat for the earl right now? The one featured on the most recent chapter? Has two faces on the front that are visible, and one in the back thats hidden, and the most recent art has the back face as the only one visible, angrily staring allen down. Great art foreshadowing if im right. Its also usually sleeve earl, if not exclusively, that wear it.

The second thing is mana talking about love and drive in the most recent chapter just brings up the earl having the noah memory of love or devotion or something for me. Ive written about it before but it just seems to fit. This character is all about that from the ability to fuze loved ones together to the hearts he talks with and his drives being based on grand acts of devotion, being by their side etc. Mana also loved and adopted both and dog and a homeless child and keeps talking about how the world is so beautiful despite all the bad. The earl literally acts like the whole noah clans mom by his own words and cooks for them, and both of them go out of their way to be cartoony to break tension. The earl literally goes and buys a single red rose from a poor girl while tyki pontificate on how he doesnt act like a villain. He doesnt take an umbrella because he wants to feel the rain. He talks about how what he does is in human nature and requires a connection between two people. He is even designed with his ideal colors as red and purple with white, as well as being designed after flowers. I know this probably doesnt make sense, but its stuck in my head.

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

Love Isn’t Always On Time Part Thirty Seven

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist Notes: Not Beta-Read.   Also if you’ve asked to be added to the tag lis and I haven’t, I’m sorry! This is my sideblog and I can’t reply to messages without it being my main (if that makes sense) so just shoot me either an IM or a message on my inbox and I’ll add you I hope everyone’s doing well :) Warnings: Some cursing? Summary: Call me old-fashioned, but I thought three people standing at a bar, all wearing sunglasses and baseball caps may stand out a little. 

The twenty minutes that had followed the broadcast had been status quo for the last two years of my life, and had been the modus operandi in my time with the Howlies - “Grab your shit, we need to be out of here in twenty.” New mission, new parameters. But there were new lines now that we were in danger of crossing. Any actions that we took to go after Bucky wouldn’t be sanctioned by General Ross, by the UN; everyone would be watching us way more closely now.

Steve was tracking down what he could on recon when it came to Bucky; Sharon had promised to feed back what she could without suspicion and while keeping her head above water with the investigation. The image of Bucky was everywhere - a collar pulled up around his neck, a black cap fitted over his head, but he looked directly at the camera.

Sam and I were waiting at a coffee bar as Steve made contact with Natasha; the bombing was on every single channel, everyone around us was talking about it. I kept my head down as much as I could, feeling conspicuous even in black baseball cap and sunglasses. Call me old-fashioned, but I thought three people standing at a bar, all wearing sunglasses and baseball caps may stand out a little. “Something is off about this,” Sam grumbled, “After all of the trouble he’s gone through the keep his head down for the past couple of years, there’s no way he’d slip up just to attack the Accords and then get caught out like that.” “Unless some HYDRA asshole got to him and he’s been reactivated,” I offered quietly, “Or it’s not him at all. Remember that mask ‘Tasha had when we were in D.C.? He could be framed. And he’s already been forced to do so much, wouldn’t be implausible that he’s been made to do something else.” We quieted down as Steve came back in; I could tell from the tightness in his jaw that the conversation with Natasha didn’t go the way he wanted it. “She tell you to stay out of it?” Sam asked. When Steve didn’t answer, he tacked on, “Might have a point.” "He’d do it for me,” Steve pointed out. “In 1945, maybe. I just want to make sure we considered all our options. The people that shoot at you usually wind up shooting at me. And this one hasn’t spent that much time since she splashed back down in the 2000s,” Sam tacked on, nodding in my direction. Steve caught my eye over the top of his sunglasses, and I averted my eyes. “If you have reservations about this, Wilson, have them, but don’t drag me into that,” I argued softly. Sam grunted in turn, quieting down as Sharon settled in beside Steve. “Tips have been pouring in since that footage went public. Everybody thinks the Winter soldier goes to their gym. Most of it's noise. Except for this. My boss expects a briefing, pretty much now...so that's all the head start you're gonna get,” She relayed, passing Steve a file. “Thank you,” He mumbled. “And you're gonna have to hurry,” Sharon warned. My blood ran cold when she added, “We have orders to shoot on sight.”

--

“I don’t like this,” I said quietly, glancing up at the building. Sam was stationed on the roof, and I was keeping to the alleyway of the building, waiting on a rented motorcycle that Steve and I had driven over on. Steve looked at the cowl in his hands. We didn’t have the time to contemplate, but I couldn’t shake the feeling in my gut. “Stay out here, keep to the comms, fall back unless I tell you,” he repeated. I pursed my lips and give him a tight nod, averting my eyes to the street. Steve cupped my chin, forcing me to look at him. “It’s safest this way,” He reminded me gently. “I know,” I mumbled, “Just... Go, and be careful.” Steve pressed a kiss to my forehead before he fitted his cowl on, buckling it and heading inside. I watched the door shut behind him before I looked up to the roof at where Sam was peering down at us. I gave him a wave, signalling that Steve had gone inside. “... I’ve got German special forces approaching from the South,” Sam warned. I grimaced, leg shaking impatiently. “Come on, Steve,” I mumbled, waiting for him to open the comm, to give the all clear to come up, something. I didn’t get that. What I got instead was the sound of gunfire, yelling. I kept my eyes on the sky, waiting for a signal from Sam or a call from Steve. What I did see was Bucky jump from one roof to another, then another  person jump after him. I brought my hand up to my ear. “Sam, what the hell is that?” “It looks like a cat man!” Sam yelled back. “A fuckin’ what?” I asked, unable to help a delirious laugh. “They’re heading for the sidewalk,” Sam warned in place of another answer, “Southwest corner!” I started my bike up, pulling my helmet on and pulling the visor down as I sped in the direction Sam mentioned. I could see them - there was Bucky, Steve, and another figure running at an unreal speed. “They’re heading for the underpass,” I groaned, picking up speed. I wasn’t sure what was worse at this point - Bucky jumping carelessly into oncoming traffic, the unidentified CatMan chasing him, or the fact that we still had German Special Forces on our tail. Even in my time in the 40s, even the recon mission in Roessel hadn’t presented me with so many opportunities to die on the spot. German Special Forces had largely paid me no mind, and I used that to my advantage, focusing my energy on defensive driving, diverting other vehicles from the chase, offering Steve and Sam space and cover where I could. I managed to follow Steve’s order, hanging back until Sam flicked the CatMan toward a detonation and fell back onto my bike to keep the both of us from getting caught under the fall of rubble that Bucky had set off. I would’ve taken a harder fall if it hadn’t been for Sam’s wings. I pushed off of the ground, hurrying out of the artificial light with Sam and spotting Steve and Bucky where they’d finally come to a stop with War Machine. “Stand down,” Rhodey warned from behind the visor. Sam and I brought our hands up, crowding closer to the others as German Special Forces closed us in. Bucky and Steve turned their heads to see who else he could possibly be addressing; I saw recognition wash over Bucky’s face in a quick, painful wave before he turned back to the matter at hand.

I would’ve moved closer, but there was Sam’s hand on my shoulder, carefully anchoring me in place to stop me from doing something stupid, like breaking into a run when there were god knows how many guns pointed at us. Part of me didn’t care. Bucky was here, he was in one piece, he saw me and he knew exactly who I was. But I also wasn’t the only one in the line of fire, and one stupid word or step out of line could spell even worse consequences for all of us. I cast Sam a pleading look despite this, and he gave me a small shake of his head. I kept carefully quiet as I watched soldiers shove Bucky to the ground and cuff him. Across from them, CatMan retracted his claws, reached up, and pulled off his helmet. My eyes widened at the sight of Prince T‘Challa. It took everything in me not to fight the cuffs being put on me, not to argue as I was strong-armed toward a vehicle with Sam and Steve and Prince T’Challa. “Shouldn’t he be getting a limo?” Sam muttered as we were nudged into a van. I shot him a look, fighting the smile that pulled at my lips. We were fucked, and we knew it. The Accords had been signed, we were way out of jurisdiction; we had gone essentially gone rogue. The ride was fairly quiet. Until, “So, you like cats?”

Tag list: @gloryevans @redryderdesigns @winter-scolder @aactuaaltraash @secretagentben @staplerrrr @elliee1497 @adayinmymeadow  @allonszassbutt @mannls @witch-of-letters  @niallssweetheart22 @uneniffler  @rinthehufflepuff @panic-angel3314  @firstangeldragonranch @kaetastic @mcuwillbethedeathofme @skeletoresinthebasement @i-dont-know-what-im-doing-yay @kkaos15 @iamnotoverlyfondofwhatfollows  @bassclarinety @tomshelbystits @rvgrsbrns @marvelmenarebeautiful @tenaciousperfectionunknown @intricate-melody​ @stuffandstuff-stuff​ @fanfuckingtastic04 @messybunnyartist @anescapefromtheworld  @shesa-riott​ @bihoeofmanyfandoms

[pentyler]

Penny Tyler Intro

BASICS

★ BIRTH DATE / 1 December, 1955 (i think LMAO) ★ BLOOD STATUS / Half-blood ★ PRONOUNS & IDENTITY / she/her; cis female ★ FACECLAIM / Tristin Mays

ACADEMICS & ROOMING

★ PRIMARY SCHOOL / London School of Witchcraft, class of 1974 ★ ACADEMIC PURSUITS / Pre-Auror ★ HOUSE & YEAR / Gryffindor, class of 77

( alcohol abuse cw, abuse cw )

POINTS OF INTEREST

★ Penelope was happy being poor, alone, and without any ounce of weight to her name. She was alright with being “Penny Tyler” the girl with a muggle father who left when she was six, a borderline alcoholic witch for a mother who tried her best to give Penny everything she needed to be successful in life, and one or two friends at London School who were there when she needed them, but never suffocated her. She was okay being the girl that no one knew existed, or cared about if they did. In fact, she almost loved that fact. She didn’t have to talk in class, she didn’t need to act like a good friend or pretend that she cared about other people. Everything seemed, for once, to be going alright. Then, of course, her mom fell in love (or so she claimed).

★ Augustine Nott came from a long line of pureblood wizards, and with that came a lot of gold and a big reputation, one that her mother was more than happy to become a part of. Parties every weekend and fancy gifts delivered to their dilapidated doorstep; those were the things that Mrs. Tyler lived for, and suddenly they were all hers. The wedding was fast, unexpected, and huge -- married in June of 1974. The gossip that followed it was even bigger. Penny’s mother was nothing to the pureblood family that Augustine came from; she was trash, and by association so was Penny. Nevermind that she didn’t want to live in his lavish house with his House Elf and seven bedrooms and four and a half baths. She was her mother’s daughter, and she was going to be known for it. She had a name to uphold now, there were people (her peers) that she had to socialize with and parties she had to attend, and no matter how much she wished that going to Hogwarts for her 1st year would change that, she found out it only got worse.  

★ Silas Nott entered the world at only 6lbs 6oz a year after the wedding. Yet the tiniest of things, make the largest impacts. The maddening part about it all was, Penny never wanted any part of it, yet it was clear, when it came to her new baby brother, she was the person who cared the most. And being away at Hogwarts, away from him, and knowing the care that he was in (trust her, she’d grown up with Vera Tyler as a mother herself), only added to the stress. It led to outbursts in lessons, physical altercations with other students in the corridors, and a foul mouth on the quidditch pitch. Penny was kicked from the quidditch team -- one she even captained as a Seeker. But that was the only consequence she ever faced among all the incidents in her years at Hogwarts. She hated the privilege her name brought, but at least she didn’t have to kiss away her dreams of being an Auror. Penny’s currently in her last year of the Auror Academy. And while her dreams are soon to come true, she has more goals now. In her heart, she knows the influence Silas was under could forever change him. Her endgame was to have custody of him. No matter what it took.

★ It was undeniable that Penny took after her mother, the way she fell quick, hard, and deep for a wizard. Ten years her senior, Andrew Porter worked tirelessly as a well trained Hit Wizard. They’d met as soon as Penny entered the academy. It even being on her very first day had her thinking, perhaps fate did exist, and they weren’t all aimlessly wandering about. They were engaged only three months later, with a rushed wedding following everything else. But to Penny, this wasn’t rushing. This was love and why would she wait for love? But this romance was a whirlwind for a reason. The first year -- marital bliss. Nothing but surprise dates, apartment shopping, and they even got a dog together. The second year, things began to fizzle out. But, that’s what Penny had expected. That’s what she’d been taught her whole life, watching her mother go through men. The excitement wore off as you entered the “normal stage”. But what about arguing every week, sleeping in different beds, and deciding to work overtime was normal?

★ She’d learned he’d lied about a few things since meeting -- all to make himself seem... superior. Did this man have a God complex? Was this relationship only feeding his ego? At times, it’s all it felt like, when she wasn’t being made to feel crazy. There was nothing but a sense of false security and though Penny did not quit a thing in her life, she had to escape. This was not setting any better example for Silas, after all. And wasn’t her baby brother the priority in her life? Penny had wasted so much of herself admiring this man, for nothing in return. He hadn’t helped build up Penny’s self-love, not once, and it was as soon as she realized that, did she file for divorce finally. This was in November of 1979 and while the divorce isn’t yet finalized, Penny is out of their house and has avoided all contact with him since. Recently, she’s couch surfing with her dog as she searches for a new place to live and trying to find a sense of purpose again.

TRAITS

✓ athletic; independent; adventurous  ✗ bitter; aloof; quick-tempered

EXTRA FUN STUFFS

whale HELLO! this is the love of my life penny tyler, comin’ atcha with a fresh face and backstory!!! i wanted an old character to connect with all da older bbs ~ so everyone come at me, but definitely da “older” crew!!

her about page & pinterest

is a few months away from becoming an official auror! so we will soon be responding to all the fuckin war crimes that yall be committing in this universe DLKFALKJLSKDF;J hit us up if you ever need anything auror related! 

penny is definitely ACAB but you gotta fight the system from the inside!!! she also has this antiquated dream that she is going to “save the world one day”

grew up rather poor and doesnt take shit for granted much because of it

she can be a bit Intense or Abrasive so i APOLOGIZE in advance! i do not support physical violence but ms penny says what u gonna do about it punk !! maybe it’s cuz she’s a sag idk dont perceive us basically

she also has attended a lot of pureblood events and parties since her mum got married in ‘74. so!!! connections there too >: )

has currently been couch surfing since her divorce! so if you’re one of those couches, hmu :)

is craaaaazzzzyyyyyy about music!!! has a vinyl collection thats p much her pride and joy and what most of her money has gone into over the years

picked the “ugliest” dog at the shelter and made it hers!!! her name is blair lol

okay i think i got what i needed to out but yeah!! IM HYPE YEET

[petewentzisblack1312]

Hi… I wanted to ask this on anon so I didn’t ask on your personal, idk if this is too personal or anything to ask but

Do you have a problem with people saying they have a mental disorder if they don’t have a diagnosis? Like for me so… I have been diagnosed with anxiety but I am like 99% sure I have bipolar disorder. And like I know you can’t diagnose me so I’m not going to go into depth with my symptoms but ever since I was like, 11, I used to get very depressed to the point where I contemplated ending it but then i would snap out of it and I think for me my manic phase are hypomanic bc ive never experienced like the full range of those symptoms but my depressive phases get very rough esp if I have external stressors but it will go through what I assume to be these phases like sometimes within the day esp if I have a stressor.

I am in nursing school and I work at a psych hospital so like this isn’t coming out of nowhere, I am very familiar with all mental disorders and it was actually during my psych nursing class and learning about bipolar disorder that I was like… hm… why does this feel like a mirror right now. I am aware I should get to a therapist and get an actual diagnosis (if I had money I would lol) but like idk. Idk if it’s worth going to my doctor at my physical and being like “hey I think I have this” I am lucky enough now that I am in a good place and can manage my symptoms but I am terrified I will go through a stressor again and lose it so idk. I mean I feel like I already know the answer but I wanted to ask anyway to see your take :/

Anyway idk as a future medical professional I think self diagnosis got a bad rep and it’s like idk I think for mental disorders esp you can tell if you have anxiety and it’s a persistent problem. You can tell if you have depression. I know bipolar disorder is harder to diagnose but idk I think since I’m in the field it’s easier? Idk I felt like a sense of relief with learning about it and finding similarities and being like “well maybe that’s why I’m like that”. But idk now I’m feeling uneasy bc I don’t have a diagnosis and I don’t want to be like, stepping over people who were diagnosed. Thank you in advance if you read all this and yeah I’m sorry I know it’s a lot and this is controversial

ok this is a long post so im putting it under a cut but tldr, no i dont have a problem with it. it doesnt matter if you actually have an illness, it matters if you find a solution to your problem. if treating yourself like you have a certain condition makes it easier to go through life, then keep doing what works for you, you are doing nothing wrong. this all goes for physical and mental illnesses.

im a firm proponent of self diagnosis. i wouldnt be here if i didnt have the confidence to research mental illnesses and advocate for myself. as someone who is extremely familiar with the medical profession on account of being the daughter of a doctor and a nurse and spending my childhood running around a hospital, im extremely privileged to even have the knowledge and ability to do so, and i try to bear in mind the understandable hesitancy of people without this advantage. i know that you are well within your right to refuse medication that makes you sick, i know that you can complain about a doctor that isnt listening to you, i know that you are allowed and encouraged to be adamant about things you are told dont matter, and in addition to that, i have a VERY well known doctor and a nurse in my corner, and i am STILL treated as though i do not understand my own experiences enough to have any authority more often than i am not.

the reason self diagnosis gets a bad rep imo is because people have constructed this boogeyman of the worst case scenario, people collecting mental illnesses they dont have for attention as opposed to what it is, people doing research into their experiences and making theories on what they have so they can manage it. youll often see the take of "i dont hate self dxd i just hate people who do it for attention" and i think thats very irresponsible considering a symptom of many mental illnesses is thinking youre faking it and doing it for attention, nevermind the fact that attention seeking behaviour is literally a symptom of many mental illnesses people often dont want to empathize with. gatekeeping whos illness is real just keeps people who need help out. i could go into an anarchist screed about democratizing health, but basically, as someone whos life has been saved by my insistence on self diagnosis, and whos life has been made significantly easier by treating myself as though i have the conditions that i theorize i have, self diagnosis saves lives, and i, as an advocate for disabled people of all kinds on my island, will never put any conditionals on self diagnosis. it doesnt matter if you find the right name for your problem, it matters if you find a solution that works. i have yet to meet any of these fabled people who never try to receive a professional opinion, only people who literally cant.

as for feeling guilty, ill repeat how i opened this answer: it does not matter what exactly your problem is, it matters that you find a solution that works. in medicine generally, there will be a wide spectrum of problems with overlapping treatments, things which are similar but distinct, things which look identical but are completely different and at different levels of concern. it doesnt really matter which grab bag of bullshit your brain is reaching from, it matters that you know how to deal with what it throws at you, whatever that may be. dont worry about getting it right, worry about getting it working. okay?

for advice on how to deal with doctors, its helpful to pose it as a hypothetical as opposed to an absolute. when i bring up things im dealing with that i have a theory about i say "i think i have x" or "i think i might have x" or "i have a lot of symptoms of x". doctors are often egotistical and are easily challenged so it helps to pose it at a problem they can solve as opposed to one youve solved for them otherwise they get spooked. in my experience posing it this way leads them to actually interrogate this line of symptoms, and theyll ask you why you think that, and you can bring up symptoms that led you to that conclusion, and ones that give you trouble especially. for example, ive said "i think i may have autism or adhd? or both" to several doctors, and they either agree with me (i believe its been put in my file as a possibility now although i cant get an official test done due to financial and resource restrictions) or they ask why i think so, and i detail what i believe is due to my autism. its small, but this reframing helps a lot.

i think this covers all you said but my head is empty as hell.

[klaus-is-the-real-number-1]

TUA Unpopular opinions?

Don’t get me wrong, i love the show but there are a few things that i dont like/ dont make sense to me so i wanted to have a little rant about it but im gonna do it under a read more so you all dont have to listen to me ramble so,

Em’s TUA unpopular (?) opinions (about s1 maybe but mostly s2):

I personally felt like they dumbed down Diego and in s2, i dont understand how he went from being in love and absolutely devastated about patchs death and then just completely forget about her and suddenly become in love with lila in what? 70 days? to me it felt like a cop out way of introducing Lila to the hargreeves.

 After 3 years sober klaus didn’t improve his powers at all??? like yeah we saw in the opening scene him using the ghosts to his advantage then that was it, there was no evident improvement to his powers except more control with ben. Surely hed be seeing more ghosts, having control over more ghosts or just anything,, but we didnt get that at all. I personally felt like he had more to do in s1 with his powers and we saw some great progression, we saw as he got sober when he was getting tortured he started seeing more ghosts then used them to his advantage and he literally died and came back to life.

At this point its becoming very inconsistent with him seeing the ghosts that hazel and cha cha have killed but not five??? or lila??? especially since he was sober (at least for a few days) in s1 and in s2 he just didn’t see any ghosts other than ben? 

 The writers keep writing Five out when its convenient to them and its just becoming,,, anoying?? theyve made him too powerful but instead of actually letting him use his powers with his siblings they just send him away to do something else when if he was there it would be completely avoidable. and when hes actually in these fight scenes they dumb him down, hes the most efficient assassin ever, hes the best assassin ever yet whenever hes in one of these fight scenes they make him do some very untatical skills that he just wouldn’t do

Number5theboy did a very good post about this

Allison has such a huge potential as a character and its frustrating how much her character is basically nothing like her comic character. some people may be happy about the fact shes nothing like her character but it just?? doesnt sit right with me. She was a bad bitch in the comics yet the only similarities from comic to tv was her relationship with luther (which in the comic she rumours him to being in love with her, not even them just being in love), her daughter and that she got her throat slit by vanya.

and to be honest she is a bit of a bitch in the comics and i really wanted to see more of that, like i appreciate her story development in the show but i wanted to see her and five and the whole story line of her and him and the involvement in JFK, i wanted to see that development in their relationship, her getting her voice back because of Five and the commission, her having some involvement with his assasination

now i know that they would not be able to make her pretend to be jackie, physically it would not happen but there could of been all sorts they could of done but instead they just wrote it all out and it peeved me off

it would of completely changed some of the sibling dynamics and it would be super interesting for diego have to deal with the fact his own sibling killed JFK

Five not eating carmicheal, there was other ways they couldve gotten lila to find the files and they ripped a great scene from the show to give it to a character that wasnt even in the comics

the fact that Five didn’t shoot vanya in the head and say “I never liked you” because he would be trying to break her powers basically, then vanya loosing all her memories when they travelled, five could do the whole be soft and then him saying “you really dont remember anything, do you?” and then her regaining her memory, i think it would be great personally

also five just being a dick, because he is in the comics, and i know its not the comics but if he’d of had the scene before him and allison go to the commission he opens up to allison about his commission time

im a gazelle and the jungle is my home is an iconic line and was yet again missed out

a topic i am affraid to talk about, lila: (this may be kinda long)

i do not like lila as a character, i dont like how she treats diego and exploits him and acts like everything is fine (she drugged and kidnapped him??!!??) and what the fuck are her powers

her entire character doesnt make sense, they just needed someone powerful to fight vanya and five

when did she even have the time to figure out her powers, Five clearly does not recognise her and neither do the other siblings so theres no chance she was able to practice during the commission because Five obviously wasnt around. And then she can just use them perfectly??? doesnt make sense to me

and i know some people love lila but she just grates me the wrong way

and now the writers have came across another problem of making her too powerful for her own good

and there was no clear build up to her powers, i wish they wouldve just introduced a new power because it would be so much less confusing

where does she fit in the timeline as well because five went on that mission with the handler but then just wasnt around for the next 25ish years when she was raising her??? 

the writers have bitten off more than they can chew with her i think and i will be very impressed if they somehow manage to pull it off

she just felt very random and forced into the show in my opinion

The fact that no one mentions fives actual open wounds that he probably still has, last i checked an actual shrapnel wound doesnt heal in what? 14 days? but they just ignored it i guess

in s1 Five not getting reggies monocle, just having diego throw it into the ocean im?? like why?? for what??? 

luther being in love with allison feels very slightly one sided when in the comic she!! rumoured!!! him!!!!

she basically didnt use her powers for anything useful and when she was about to lila used her power of imitation??? to rumour allison instead

kinda what i talked about earlier but five being the main plot driver until its inconvenient to the writers and then they make him dumb it frustrates me to no end

i just dont understand why they couldnt have lila with a brand new power, not just mimicking because it doesnt make sense and then she has the ability to use it perfectly when she wouldnt actually have any experience in using it??? if the writers are literally going to add christopher the cube they could of given her a better power

all the siblings basically just dismiss five, all the time, the only sibling through the show who have actually done something for five is Klaus in s1 when he literally smashed a snowglobe into his head for five and didnt even know why they were there. Even when luther goes with five he straight away sides with older five and like?? i understand it was a funny thing to add in but even then like its just odd

young five and old five not really having the same energy, its really minor but the five in s1 does not match the energy of old five in s2 when hes just about to go to 2019 

these are all just my opinion and just something i wanted to get off my chest, if you dont agree with these its completely valid.

[ad1thi]

i just called to say, i love you

dont let the title fool you this isnt fluffy at all

--

an au where the phone reaches before tony has fully recovered

post cacw, angst, past stony, 5+1, implied rhodeytony. the 5 times steve called and the one time tony did(nt)

--

1.

The first time it rings, Tony doesn't pick up.

No thats not right

Tony can't pick up, because he's just woken up from a 3 month coma and is currently breathing through a tube because there's a scar across his chest the size of Steve's shield and he's surrounded by life saving machines and he can't physically reach out and pick it up

He's happy he had the foresight to sign to FRIDAY that she needed to link the phone to her mainframe, because it rings only twice before there's a small click and the room fills with a hesitant

"Tony?"

There's a beat of silence, because Tony can't talk with a tube in his mouth and Steve's voice comes out more frantic

"Tony?"

Tony's saved from garbling a reply through the tube when FRIDAY steps in and says smoothly "Boss is indisposed right now, can I take a message?"

Steve is audibly flustered, Tony can hear him rustling sheets as he sits up, and he imagines its because of the surprise that FRIDAY replied and not him

"Hey FRI, uh is Tony incredibly busy?"

"Like I said, he's indisposed. Can I take a message or should I end the call?" there's a coolness to FRIDAY's tone and Tony absently wonders who taught his girl lip while he was under

"No thats fine," Tony can feel the dejection coming in waves, and there's a small, twisted part of him that's lying on a bed clinging onto his life because of the man on the phone- that still wants to crawl over and give him comfort, "I'll just uh- I'll try later that's alright."

There's a pregnant pause and then Steve's voice filters through again, "Would you tell him I called please?"

And FRIDAY replies, "I'll note it down on his low priority list" and severs the line before Steve can respond

--

2.

The second time it rings, Tony's just gotten back use of his throat. Rhodey has been wheeling in and out of his hospital suite periodically to feed him ice-cubes, and he's too worn down to fight the mother-henning

He's got all these ideas for braces that'll help Rhodey walk, but his hands shake too much and he's too weak to leave his bed, so he lets Rhodey heave himself up on the bed frame, and dutifully opens his mouth for food and water and ice cubes

but Rhodey isn't here and the phone is ringing and Tony can't stop his hands shaking

He manages to sign pick up to FRIDAY's camera in the corner of the room, and there's a soft click and a tentative

"Tony?"

just like last time

and it makes Tony want to laugh, inexplicably, because Steve left a hole in Tony's chest and he's the one who sounds scared while Tony is stuck to a bed

"Yeah Cap?" he croaks out, and he hates how frail he sounds, how obviously weak he is

"Tony? Is everything okay?"

Steve's voice is louder now, like he's holding the phone closer to him, like he cares

"you called?" he says and he's proud of how steady his voice is, how calm it is

"Yeah yeah i did i just," he trails off; and Tony bends closer to the phone until he realises that the call is being played by FRIDAY

"I just wanted to see how you were doing"

There's a hitch in Tony's voice, he knows because Steve says "Tony? Is everything okay?" but he can't breathe and the walls are closing in on him and his senses are dulling and

and someone's holding onto him, tight and steady and Tony leans into it desperately, anchoring himself to the lifeboat

His breath evens out and his vision sharpens, and in stages, he breaths in the musky scent of Rhodey

He loosens the death-grip he has on his shirt, but he doesn't move out

its selfish, so unbelievably selfish, because he knows Rhodey shouldn't be standing on his feet, but nobody ever accused Tony Stark of being a martyr

no, Tony Stark takes and takes and takes, and then he takes some more

His consciousness comes back in stages; and Steve's frantic voice starts getting louder

"Tony sweetheart, fuck sorry, didn't mean to call you that, Tony, are you- are you okay?"

Tony opens his mouth to reply, but Rhodey's dry tone comes out

"He's absolutely fine Captain, not that its any of your concern"

There's a soft thud and Tony knows its because Steve dropped the phone

he doesn't have the energy to smile

"Rhodey, I uh, I didn't realise you were there too"

"I am wherever Tony is, at all times Captain, its what friends do," there's a hitch in Steve's voice, but Rhodey continues like he hasn't heard it, "and its Colonel Rhodes to you"

The line clicks off before Tony can hear Steve's response, and he busies himself running soft circles, loosening his throat long enough to ask

"Is that all we are? friends?" in a hoarse voice

Rhodey doesn't say anything, but he does lean down and press his lips to the corner of Tony's mouth, and that, Tony supposes, is answer enough

--

3.

The third time the phone rings, its been so long, Tony's almost forgotten that the phone exists

Almost

As in its tucked inside one of his drawers, under a bunch of old files and documents, next to a small velvet box he found hiding in Steve's socks that he never got around to throwing away

Almost

As in he curls up next to Rhodey everynight, except the nights when he's looking for someone more muscular, someone blonder, someone who isn't the man sitting next to him

Almost

As in he's healthy and the braces work like a dream and he smiles more than he doesn't, but he still reaches for it sometimes and flips it open just to stare at the screen blankly

The phone rings and it takes him a second to place the sound, before he starts fumbling for anything that vaguely masquerades as a bookmark; thumbs the phone open and holds it to his ear

"Tony?" Steve's voice sounds gruffer, more focused, like he's actually called with a purpose

Despite himself, Tony straightens, and he silently signals for FRIDAY to call Rhodey; this might be an Avengers-level threat and while Tony's healthy- he isn't quite there yet

"Cap," he says neutrally

"Tony oh thank god," Steve's panting on the other end, and Tony physically bites on his tongue to stop himself from asking if he's okay, "Its Bucky"

Tony throws the phone across the room, and it hits the wall just as Rhodey is entering

To his credit, Rhodey barely flinches, he just walks over and maneuvers Tony until he's lying against his chest; fingers carding through his hair

Seconds, minutes, hours later, Tony whispers "he called about Bucky" and Rhodey bends down to press his lips to his forehead and they stay like that until they fall asleep; coccooned in each other's embrace

The next day, T'Challa calls to inform them that Wakanda will officially be initiating proceedings to exonerate James Barnes of all his crimes, and Tony feels a visceral anger until he realises that Steve probably called to give him a heads up

Its progress, evidence that Steve no longer meant to keep things from him, but the pain still burns anyway

--

4.

The phone wakes Tony up from his sleep, trilling and buzzing and Tony groans, flipping it open and pressing it to his ear

"Its ass o'clock in the morning Steve you better be dying or so help me god I'll kill you myself"

"You," he breaks off with a hic, "you called me Steve"

"I didn't think you did that anymore," there's a slur to Steve's speech- strong enough that it percolates through Tony's brain and he sends a silent curse to the entities above because his ex has fucking drunk called him

"Its been over a year Steve," he says softly but firmly, "I've moved on"

"You've, you've moved on?" he sounds so small, like a child who lost his favourite toy; and Tony's heart aches

but not a deep, twisted ache; a milder, softer one- for the man Steve used to be

"Steve," he says patiently, "its 2 o'clock in the morning; why you'd call?"

"I just called," there's a swish of liquid, and Tony has the image of Steve cradling a bottle, curled around the flip- phone burned into his memory, "i just called to say i love you"

"i love you and i miss you and i just-" he sniffles, and something he didn't know was still in him breaks at the thought of Steve crying, "i miss you"

"Steve," he says slowly, "you're drunk, and I'm tired"

"I'm drunk, and I love you," he slurs, "and tomorrow I'll be sober, and I'll still love you"

"goodnight Steve," Tony says and pushes the phone away before he says something he'll regret

--

5.

Its the stupid goddamn flip-phone. Thats how they find him. Tony's taken to keeping it on his person because all his intel says that something big is coming, and he doesn't want to be unprepared, so its not even a thought to slip it into his pockets before he flys to bumfuck Nevada to snoop around an AIM base

and he's so close downloading everything and getting away without detection, when the flip-phone starts ringing, and then all bets are off

"Steve," Tony intones as he bends behind a desk, "this better be important"

Steve says something in reply but its lost in the sound of bullets as Tony runs across the hall and ducks behind a pillar

"Can you say that again, I missed that"

"Tony are you, are you being shot at?" Steve's voice reaches new pitches and Tony shoots at the AIM goons coming 'round the corner before slipping down to the floor below

"I was being shot at," he says plaintively, keeping his voice low as he checks the expansive space, "now im being hunted"

"Why would you pick up when you're being shot at?!" Tony grimaces at his voice

"You did give me this phone for emergencies. I thought maybe this time you were using it for what it was intended. The end of the world waits for - ," he cuts off with a grunt as a bullet hits his leg, hobbling to where Rhodey is waiting with his escape ride

"- no-one," he wheezes out once he's in the car, and Rhodey is breaking a lot more traffic law than he should be comfortable doing

"the end of the world waits for no-one, so why'd you call?"

There's silence on the other end and Tony pulls the phone away from his ear to check the call hasn't accidently been disconnected, before saying "Steve? Are you still there?"

"you told me that I was only saying I love you because I was drunk"

Its so left field that Tony takes a few seconds to place what Steve is referring to, but when he does- he can't stop himself from sighing

"Steve look I - "

"I'm coming back to New York in 10 days," Steve barrels on like Tony hadn't started speaking, "I'm coming back home and I'm sober and I still completely and utterly love you."

"The only question is," and Tony can feel Steve steeling himself, "do you still love me?"

Tony looks over to where Rhodey is driving, petting the scar against his chest absentmindedly.

The scar had not hurt Harry in 19 years he thinks when Rhodey feels his gaze and smiles; but there's a tightness in his fingers and Tony knows that Rhodey heard the whole thing

"Steve I- ," he pauses, "ask me again once you're in town"

The line clicks on the other side, and he reaches out to intertwine his fingers with Rhodey's free hand

"I'm not going to make you choose Tones," Rhodey says softly; and Tony lifts their hands so he can press his lips to Rhodey's calloused hands because he knows

There's a silent countdown in the air that week, and Tony has a mental tally of the days,hours, seconds until Steve is back in New York

Except in the end, it doesn't really matter because 9h, 30 minutes and 4 seconds before Steve is expected to arrive in New York, Tony hitches a ride to space in a donut

--

--

+1

He's seen the news

Of course he's seen the news

Its all anyone's seen, and the only reason why he agreed to the godforsaken detour so that they could pick up Vision and Wanda

It's not that he didn't want to help them, its that he told Wanda not to go but she insisted and now instead of being in New York and saving Tony he's in Scotland, saving the person who was supposed to be looking after Tony

He's seen the news

He knows what's going on

But he still can't stop staring at the flip-phone, willing it to ring

So it honestly shouldn't take him this long to pick up when it actually does ring

"Tony?" he says, and he could cry because tony's okay tony's okay tony's -

"Steve?" thats not tony

"Steve hey its Bruce. Long time. Look I know its been a while and this is all very confusing and I'll answer all your questions later but Steve, Steve you need to come back to New York"

"Where's Tony?" he says dumbly, like he hasn't been watching the news obsessively

"Tony's," Bruce's voice cracks, "Tony's gone Cap. And we need you"

Fin

[punishedvenomyumiko]

December 17th I waited as the bombs fell But I didn’t leave

i made this blog after december 17th. before the announcement i used to open a bunch of tabs of posts i liked and then look at them again later and decide which ones i woud reblog. there would be a lot of them. after that i was in a flurry to sort through them all. september is when i learned tumblr has a limit on how many posts you can queue, and how many you can reblog in a day. i would fill a queue and set them to post something like 100 at a time over a number of minutes. it might have been annoying to anyone who followed me, but that was never relly a concern to me if im honest.

the social aspect of tumblr wasn’t the main draw for me. it was personal. iliked to have my little private gallery. but if someone else happened across it and reblogged from it then i could check out there blog and maybe find something new or interesting. i wasn’t looking to make friends or anything, but the communitty is what made tumblr. it was a human system of sharing content that made it easy to find cool stuff, and conect people with similar taste

i wasn’t super precious about my blogs. i did put some effort into them, but after a whilei didn’t worry too muc about if a post fit my theme entirelly . or if it was good enough. the feature i most enjoyed on tumblr was the archive view. moreso then each individual post i enjoyed being able to step back and see an new aestetic emerge from the totality of it. you could scroll up and down and see the mood change on a blog as i followed new people, or found new fleeting fixations. a single post might be flawed but have its own something that shun through. something that contributed to a larger experience. sometimes the thumbnail painted a picture that was only lessened with detail.

obviously all my frentic reblogging was a bit pointless if it was all gonna be nuked by the algorythm, so i found a few different means of backing up my blogs on to hard drives (the crappyest of which was the official tumblr one. not a singl one worked after multiple attempts). so now i had all my blogs, as well as some of my faves by other ppl, some formatting missing, a few corrupt or missing files, but i had them. But the archive view was missing…

so december 17 approached. people posted there twitters. people said their goobyes. it was a bit emotional if im honest. (this one from one of my faves got me https://jazzisthebestformofmusic.tumblr.com/post/180842185944/4309-file-backup-rar-containing-a-majority-of-the) so everyone got down in their bunkers and waited for the bombs to fall.

in the end, only the blogs i had marked as sensitive got hit. i was expecting a lot worse, as all my blogs are pretty horny tbh >__<;; but i had my blogs backed up now, and i had said my goodbyes. i drew a line under the whole tumblr thing. __________________________________________ then i made this blog. partly out of embarasment having said i would go partly because i had my blogs preserved now, and didn’t want to ammend them further. partly because i still felt a disire to collect images and build this weird achive view tapestry i enjoyed. and also i never found a replacement. i tried twitter, but besides not being the same i have to constantly wrestl with the algorhythm there and keep getting shadowbanned. besides, a lot of blogs i liked are still here. albeit with a little less spice and weirdness.slowily coming back as they came to similar conclusions.

<b>Punished Venom Yumiko Wanders The Wasteland</b>

so recently i went back to my backups i made, and spent a few hours fucking around with the html. i managed to make a rough approximation of the old archive view. its superior in some sense. i can edit it freely, and i now include all the images in a photoset, not just the first one. So I guess what i am gonna do is continue drawing lines every now and then, downloading my blog, on my terms where onlu i can decide what gets deleted. then ill make a new one

if you read this far, thank you for indulging me. like i said, this is my personal blog. but if i have a point its that tumblr, (and not just tumblr, any large platform), cant be trusted for foster an environment, and cant be trusted with your content . i dont have a solution to this, besides continuing to try and use tumblr on my weird temporary basis for content aggrigation and maintaining my own personal archive, but if a viable alternative crops up, someone let me know

also, pls check out the archive for https://waterfaerie1.tumblr.com/archive i don’t plan to update it, but i liked this one.

[leelee10898]

Fast cars & Freedom: who do you love? (11/?)

Ok.. it took me longer to get this done than I liked but here it is... A second paternity test, and the guys lay it on thr table. What will Ellie do now? Catch up HERE, also if you would like to be added to the tags, drop a line.

Pairings: Logan x Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Raiting: Mature. Ccontains nsfw situations.

“Seriously, you're fucking with me right?” Ellie snapped.  “I wish I was Ellie, but we have to retest.” Logan sighed. “Shit, my phone.  I need to go get my phone.” she shot up running for the door. Of course something like this would happen, that was just her luck. Her thoughts now on Colt, who she was sure was flipping out. She got to her purse grabbing her phone.  17 missed calls she thought, all from Colt, except 1 that was the Drs office. As if on cue her phone started buzzing in her hand. It was Colt.

E: Colt? Whats going on?

C: Where the hell have you been ellie? I've been calling you non stop.

E: we're at the track with Logan.

C: Did you get the call from the Dr? He says we can be re tested today but we have to be there by 4.

Ellie looks down at her phone

E: 4? Its 3:30 Colt. And  that's all the way across town in traffic.  How are we supposed to get there by then?

C: Looks like you or Logan are going to have to channel your criminal driving.  I'm on my way to the office, I'll see you there.

Logan and Stacie ran up, her dad, sally and Luca joining them. “Whats going on?” Logan questioned. “That was Colt. The Doctor said we can be re tested today, but we have to be there by 4.” Logans eyes went wide as he took note of the time.  “I can get us there.” Logan stated confidently “lets go.”

Ellie asked Stacie to take her car and meet them at the office, her dad and Sallie heading home.  Ellie hooked Lucas car seat in Logan's car quickly and they set out for the office. 20 minutes to go, the panic starting to set in.

Logan grabbed her hand, trying to calm her down.  “You ok back there Luca?” he shouted back checking on Luca.

“This is fun!” Luca squealed, Ellie shook her head, Logan just chuckled. She definitely had speed in her blood, that's for sure.

They pulled up to the office with five minutes to spare. Colt stood next to his bike. “I was afraid you weren't going to make it.” he gave Logan a cocky smirk.  “Come on Kaneko, you know better than that.”

Ellie grabbed Luca from her car seat, she immediately ran to Colt throwing her arms out. “Hey princess, I missed you.” he wrapped her in a hug as he lifted her off the ground.

They walked into the building, being taken right into the back. Logan and Colt going first. Colt held Luca while they swabbed her mouth. The doctor told them they would be sending it off for testing right away, the new lab turnaround was 2 to 4 weeks for dna testing,  however with the amount of labs that would be flooding in it could take longer.

They walked out of the office finding Stacie waiting for them with Ellies car. Luca was complaining she was hungry so they decided to get something to eat.  Colt had a customer picking up a car who had a custom job done that he had to be there for, so Ellie said she would catch up with him later that week. Ellie dropped stacie off at work and headed to meet Logan at the restaurant. He already had a table waiting for them when they arrived.

After ordering and finally eating, Luca was content playing on Ellies phone. “Ellie I need to talk to you about something important.” She could sense the seriousness in his tone.

“Ok, but quietly please.” she nodded towards Luca.

“Ellie, i'm pretty sure you know how I feel about you. You were the first and only girl I ever loved. But being with you and luca these past few weeks, well it made me realize that I want a family. I'm ready to settle down.” She took a deep breath, she wasn't expecting that. “Logan” She let out a long sigh. “I dont think thats a good idea right now.”

“I know, with the divorce and all. But really Ellie, I'm not getting any younger. I'm willing to wait, but.” He hesitated. Ellie reached out giving his hand a squeeze “I understand Logan. I do not want you to put your life on pause because I'm indecisive. If someone comes along that you think could lead somewhere, see how it goes.”

Logan sat there contemplating her words. “Thanks Ellie.” he finally spoke.

After they paid for their meal, Ellie took Luca home. She walked through the front door holding her sleeping child. Her dad and sally were sitting on the couch watching a movie, laughing and enjoying each other.  “Hey kiddo. Someone passed out huh?” Frank looked up from the tv screen. “Hey guys. Yep long day. I'm gonna put her in bed and crash myself. Back to work tomorrow.” She said goodnight, put Luca to bed and headed there herself.  

She put on her pajamas, and climbed into bed. She thought of her dad and Sally sitting on the couch, just enjoying being with each other. Her dad was happy, it was written all over his face and it made her happy for him. She thought about what Logan said at dinner, he was ready to settle down, but was she? She was divorcing Colt, was it fair to jump into something with Logan? Did she want to be with Logan or did she want Colt? She wasn't sure what she wanted that much was obvious, the thought of settling down, expanding her family and spending the rest of her life with someone who loved her and treated her well was all she ever dreamed of. She closed her eyes trying to escape her thoughts, after tossing and turning for a few hours she finally fell asleep.  

A a few days had gone by, she had just got off work when he phone rang, Darnells name flashed across the screen.

“Hello.” she answered. “Hey Ellie, its Darnell. I just wanted to let you know that Judge Mitchell scheduled a date for the hearing.” Ellies blood ran cold, it was one thing to file but another that it was actually happening. “oh, ok. Um when is it?

“The Thursday before labor day.” Ellie went silent, her heart pounding in her chest. “Thats. That's two weeks away.”

“Yes. She wanted to get it in before the holiday. It'll be done soon. Have a good weekend Ellie.”

“Yeah, you too Darrell.” Ellie hung up the phone, tears now falling. The Realization that Colt would be served soon hitting her like a ton of bricks. She calmed herself down enough to call her dad and make sure Luca was ok a little longer with him.

She started her car and made that all to familiar drive. She pulled up, trying her best to calm her nerves as she exited the car and walked through the open bay door.

“Were closed.” She heard a voice shout from under a car. “I'm not her for that.” she spoke, her voice carrying throughout the shop. Colt rolled out from under the car, standing up quickly.  “Hey. What are you doing her? Is Luca ok?” he wiped his greasy hands off, tossing the rag down on a nearby table.

“She fine. I came because I need to tell you something.” Colt arched his brow “Those words are never good.”

“Darnell called, the divorce has been scheduled.” she watched the expression on Colts face change to curiosity to a mixture  between hurt and anger. “When.” His tone colt and flat.

“Two weeks.” She looked to the floor. This was what she wanted, so why was it so damn hard to tell him?

“Two weeks?!” he shouted. He turned grabbing a tool and chucking it across the room. “Fuck!” He screamed, Ellie flinching. “I'm sorry Colt.” she squeaked out. His eyes widening as he turned to face her. “Oh you're sorry? You don't seem sorry to me Ellie. You didn't even give me a fucking chance. All I wanted was to be a family. You, me and Luca,” he ran his hands through his hair. “You just don't understand do you? I love you Ellie, I never stopped. Everything I did, was for you. The house, this garage, everything!”

“Colt I, I don't know what to say.” She was at a loss for words.

“I didn't want to be my dad. I wanted Luca to have both parents, together.  Now that will never happen.”

“Colt, we don't know that she's yours.” She regretted saying as soon as it left her mouth. It was like adding salt to the wound.

“Shes mine. I know in my heart she's mine, and even if she wasn't..” He shook his head. “You know what. You can have it all, everything. The house, the garage, all the money. All I want in this life is to be able to take care of you, and Luca. And if you won't let me do it at your side,  take everything.” he threw his hands up in the air, walking away.

“Colt.” she hollered after “Colt!” she followed him into to small apartment that used to be logan's loft.  “I can't see you right now Ellie. I think we probably should keep our distance until i cool down.” Colt had his back to her. Hands splayed out on the counter,  his breathing heavy. He was upset, very upset. “But the zoo, and Lucas first day of school.” She whimpered, holding back tears.

“I'll be there, I wouldn't miss that for her. I  will be cordial to you. But I won't be ok with it, I never will.”

Ellie hung her head in defeat, walking down the steps and then to her car. Colts words ringing in her ears. She grasped the steering wheel with a white knuckle grip, the tears streaming down her cheeks. She knew telling him was going to be rough, but she wasn't expecting the overload of emotions that came with it. She thought back to the day they took the brotherhood down.

****

She walked up to her house,  Colt had a loose end to tie up with Toby and ximena. The crew skipping town, laying low from the FBI. She crossed the front yard when Logan slid out of the shadows. “Logan? What are you doing here? I thought you left town.” her eyes darted around, assessing her surroundings. “I am, but I needed to see you first.” he came closer, closing the distance between them. “Look Ellie, I had every intention to apologize for dragging you into this. But now that I'm here, i'm not sorry.”

“You're not?” She looked at him confused.  

“No,” He shook his head. “If I didn't seek you out, I would have never met you. And though I may not have been the guy for you, I couldn't live in a world where I never knew you. You changed my life for the better Ellie.” he softly brushed the bruises on her face.

Ellie threw her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. “I don't want you to go, please don't go.” she sniffled. “Believe me Ellie, I don't want to, but I have to.  Go off to college, kick some ass. And remember I'll always be thinking of you.” She lifted her face, looking in his eyes. She pressed her lips against his, savoring the feeling one last time. “I hope this isn't goodbye forever. Promise me you'll stay safe.” she pulled back resting her head against his chest. “He pressed his lips to the top of her head. “I promise. Goodbye Ellie.” he took one last look at her before disappearing into the night.

She turned heading toward the house spotting colt standing there. “You kissed him.” He clenched his jaw. “You were spying on me? How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough. And no, I wasn't spying on you. I finished what I needed to and came back for you.”

Ellie hesitated at the door. Could she really give up everything she had worked for? Could she really skip out on her dream school for a life on the run with Colt?

“Colt. I don't think we should do this. We rushed into this, its crazy. We. We need to get an annulment.”

Colt stumbled back. “What? Ellie come on, We love each other.”

“I know, and i do love you Colt. I do but.”

“Its Logan isn't it? You wanted to be with him, I was a mistake.” he retorted.  

“No. Colt that's not-”

“Save it Ellie. Go live your life, I'll get an annulment.” he climbed on his bike.

Ellie felt sick to her stomach, what did she do? She was scared, she didn't want to lose him. “colt.” she called after him, he put his helmet on kicking his bike to life. “Colt. Colt, come back. Please.” it was to late, she watched his tail lights fade out of view. She was alone, truly and completely alone.

*******

She pulled into the driveway of her house,  she pulled her compact from her purse attempting to cover the evidence of her crying. She walked into the house to hear laughter.  Frank, sally and Luca sat around the table eating ice cream, having a good time. “Hey guys.” She peaked her head into the room. “Hey kiddo. Everything ok.” She gave her dad a half hearted smile.  “Yeah, everything's fine.”

“Will you give me a bath mommy? I'm all sticky.” Luca held her ice cream covered hands up. “Sure thing sweetpea.”

After bathing and getting Luca to bed, Ellie walked over to a box that was left unpacked. She pulled out a medium sized shoe box, removing the lid she pulled a few items out. A ticket stub from the drive in, a small cactus, a bullet necklace, some photos of the crew and the last two. A picture of Logan and her, taken after the pool game, the other of her and Colt at Prom. She laid the two in front of her, her eyes burning into the paper. What was she going to do?

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