#filed under lines that dont make any sense to me

[pilkypills]

Remember how Thorin got everyone to play along when Bilbo was doing his parasites bit but still went all “oooh no thanks to your stupid burglar” after gandalf saved them?? 🤨 what was that all about? Did he get what Bilbo was doing or not???

[reidmania]

a moment | s. reid

summary: two times there was a ‘moment’ between you and spencer, and one time he did something about it.

warnings; best friends to lovers, fem reader, pinning, this based off a lorelai and luke edit i saw, idk if its edited or makes any sense tbh!! sorry! longing, kinda self doubt idk, happy ending yay!!

an; this is for lia. And was written in like an hour so i really dont want the hate guys. If it sucks i cannot be held responsible.

You walk into the bullpen, scanning the usual chaos of the bullpen The day’s already running long, and it’s barely even noon.

"Look who finally decided to join us," Spencer says, glancing up from his desk. His eyes are sharp behind his glasses, but there’s a smirk tugging at his lips. He’s half-hidden behind a wall of case files, as always, but somehow manages to throw his snark with precision.

you and spencer had been best friends since you started together, you got along with anyone but gravitated towards Spencer more than anyone else. Him and Penelope were the easiest for you to be around, you loved everyone but you had your favourites.

While Penelope had been bugging you to either kick up the courage to do something about your friendship with Spencer, or move on, you did neither.

"Oh, save it,," you fire back, tossing your bag on your desk. "I’m fashionably late. It’s a thing."

"Yeah, fashionably late in a profession like this. Very chic. Theres other ways to get here you know — from your house-“

“Don’t even” you cut him off.

“Im just saying if you keep missing the same turn off every time maybe it’s a sign you should be going a different way.” He muttered.

“I didn’t miss the turn off.” You argued. You lied.

“You did.”

“No”

He said your name and you huffed.

You roll your eyes, biting back a grin as you sink into your chair. "Can we pretend, just for today, that you’re not right?"

"Well," Spencer says, leaning back in his chair, "I’m only right about ninety-seven percent of the time. So, technically, you’ve got a three percent chance of being right today. Want to take a gamble?"

You throw a crumpled paper at him. "Your math is annoying."

He catches it, eyes twinkling, and throws it back at you. "Annoying?"

“Yes, annoying. It hurts my head”

It’s easy between the two of you—this banter, this back-and-forth. It always has been, ever since the first case you worked together. Over time, it’s become second nature to tease him, push his buttons, and he always gives it right back. The tension slips away with every joke, but today, there’s something different about the way his eyes linger on you a beat too long, like he’s waiting for you to catch on.

You ignore it. You have to.

"So, what do we have?" you ask, holding out your hand for the file in his lap.

He passes it to you, fingers brushing against yours. It’s brief, but the touch sends a spark up your arm. Your eyes meet for a second longer than necessary, and for the first time in a long time, you don’t know what to say.

Spencer clears his throat, looking back down at the file. "This unsub’s a real charmer. I think he's using manipulation tactics to lure his victims. He’s got a pattern, but it’s subtle. Took me a while to piece it together."

"Took you a while? So, like... five minutes?" You grin, but the edge in your voice is gone, replaced by something softer.

He laughs, a sound that always surprises you because it’s rare, but so genuine. "Try thirty. It was a real struggle."

"Wow. I almost feel bad for you."

His smile fades just a little, and when he looks at you again, there’s that shift. Something hovers between you, just under the surface, where the teasing usually stays. His eyes flicker over your face, and suddenly, you wonder if he’s about to say something else, something that would cross the line you’ve never acknowledged before.

Your heart skips, and before you can stop yourself, you lean forward a little. Your breath catches.

"So..." Spencer starts, but before the sentence can land, your phone buzzes on your desk. The sharp sound breaks the moment like a snapped thread. You jerk back, grabbing your phone.

"Hotch needs us in the conference room," you mutter, more to yourself than him, trying to get a grip on the swirling thoughts in your head. "We’ve got a lead."

Spencer blinks, clearly shaken out of whatever that was, and you stand up quickly, focusing hard on the case and not on the fact that you were about two seconds away from… what? Leaning in? Kissing him?

No. That’s not what this is. This is Spencer.

"Race you to the conference room?" he asks suddenly, the playful lilt back in his voice, but there’s still something lingering behind his eyes, a question neither of you seems ready to ask.

"Race? You’re literally taller than me, that’s cheating. I’m wearing heels!!"

"You can run in heels, can’t you?" He shoots you a smirk, the tension easing just enough for you to relax, even if your heart is still racing.

"Could. But i don't want to damage my gorgeous shoes," you huffed, yet already heading for the door.

"Gorgeous shoes?" He repeated, raising his eyebrow.

"Yeah that was actually the name of the shoes when i bought them. They had 'gorgeous shoes' written in big letters across the box." You smiled, tilting your head.

"Really?"

"No."

You make it halfway to the conference room before he catches up, the two of you slipping back into your usual rhythm. But as you walk into the room side by side, the unspoken thing still hangs between you. You don’t talk about it, and maybe you never will, but it’s there.

“Are you still coming over tonight?” He asked, looking down at you, eyes lingering on yours. You nod.

“It’s pizza night. Of course I am.”

And once again, you’re reminded that with Spencer, things have never been as simple as just best friends.

You’re standing in Spencer’s tiny kitchen, flour everywhere. And when you say everywhere, you mean it—on the counters, in your hair, smeared on his cheek where you definitely didn’t mean to slap him with dough earlier.

“This is going really well,” you deadpan, holding up the limp, misshapen pizza dough.

“Um.” He squints as he looks at the mess.

“Well.. you’re the genius who can outsmart anyone but apparently can’t figure out yeast,” you argue, pinning the blame on him. “Is it supposed to look like this?” You muttered, tilting your head.

“I think it’s fighting back. Maybe we’re the victims now.”

You both dissolve into laughter, the kind that makes your stomach hurt. This was supposed to be simple. Homemade pizza sounded like a cute idea, something easy to do on a night off, but it’s turned into chaos. The dough’s not cooperating, the sauce might be too watery, and you’re pretty sure you added way too much garlic. But that’s what makes it fun.

"Okay," Spencer says, hands raised in surrender. "I officially give up. This dough has outsmarted me."

"You’re giving up? Dr Spencer Reid, defeated by pizza dough?" You snatch the rolling pin from him, trying to take over, but the second you press down, the dough tears. "Okay, maybe it’s smarter than both of us."

Spencer steps closer, leaning over your shoulder to inspect the mess you've made. You can feel the warmth of him behind you, and for just a second, everything feels different. The banter pauses. His breath is soft on your neck, his arm brushing against yours as he reaches to touch the dough. Your heart stutters, and you freeze, unsure of what to do next.

But then, with no warning, Spencer flicks flour at you.

"Hey!" you squeal, spinning around to face him, eyes wide. He looks so pleased with himself, a mischievous grin on his face.

"What? You had flour in your hair. I was just trying to help.”

"Sure, you were." You reach for the bag of flour, holding it up threateningly. "I will not hesitate to make this a war, Spencer."

He grins widely, almost daringly.

You grab a handful of flour and toss it at him in retaliation. "You are such a child."

“I’m just helping!” he protests, dodging your attack and grabbing the rolling pin like a shield. His laughter is contagious, and soon you’re both caught up in it, the tension slipping away into something lighter, easier.

You try to swipe more flour at him, but he grabs your wrist, stopping you mid-throw. His fingers wrap around your wrist gently, but the touch sends an unexpected shiver up your arm. You both freeze, the room suddenly too quiet again, his hand lingering on yours for just a second longer than necessary.

His gaze flickers down to where his fingers rest against your skin, and then back up to meet your eyes. There’s a pause, just long enough for the air between you to thicken, something unspoken hanging between you. His thumb brushes your wrist lightly, and you wonder if he feels it too—the tension that’s been simmering all night, just beneath the surface.

You swallow hard, pulling your hand away, but not before you catch the briefest flicker of something in his expression. It’s gone as quickly as it appeared, and just like that, the moment slips away.

His eyes narrow playfully, and for a second, you think he might call your bluff. But instead, he just chuckles and steps back, holding up his hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright. Let’s not escalate this. We’re adults, after all."

"Adults who can’t make pizza," you mutter, dumping the ruined dough into the trash. "Guess we’ll have to order in. Again."

Spencer wipes his hands on a towel, still smiling. "I’ll let you pick the place this time. As long as it’s not that one with the weird crust you made us try last month."

"Oh come on, that was a bold choice! You just have no sense of adventure."

"I have a very good sense of adventure," he says, leaning casually against the counter, his eyes sparkling in that way that makes you feel like he knows exactly how to get under your skin. "I just like my pizza to taste like pizza."

You roll your eyes, but you’re grinning, too. "Fine. We’ll get the boring pizza this time."

As you both settle into the living room, waiting for the pizza to arrive, you can't help but feel that lingering tension again. The kind that sneaks up on you when things get quiet, when the laughter dies down, and it’s just the two of you sitting side by side, closer than necessary.

You smile, nudging him with your elbow. "Who knew you were such a terrible cook, though?"

"I think we share equal blame here."

"Maybe," you admit, glancing at him. His eyes catch yours, and for just a moment, the playful air between you shifts. It’s small, like the brush of his hand earlier, like the way he’s looking at you now. Your heart skips again, and you wonder—just for a second—if maybe, possibly, you weren’t imagining it. You ignore it, there was too much that could go wrong if you didn’t.

It’s late in the afternoon when you hear the knock at your door. The sun's still out, casting a soft golden light through your living room windows, but it’s the last thing on your mind.

You’re dressed in something more put together than usual because, of course, Penelope had insisted on setting you up on this date tonight. It wasn’t exactly what you wanted, but she’d been so enthusiastic that you’d caved. You’d said yes to humor her, to get her off your back.

She had insisted that you needed something to get your mind off Spencer. You wondered if that was actually possible.

So when the knock comes, your stomach churns, thinking it might be the guy arriving too early. But when you open the door, it's not your date.

It’s Spencer.

He’s standing there, hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, hair slightly disheveled, and there’s a look on his face you can’t quite place. It’s tight, maybe a little frustrated, though he's trying hard to keep his expression neutral.

“Spence?” You lean against the doorframe, arching an eyebrow. “Everything okay?”

He doesn’t answer right away, eyes scanning you briefly before he looks down, then back up again. There’s tension in his posture, the kind you recognize when he’s overthinking something. “Yeah. Yeah, everything’s fine.”

You don’t buy it for a second. “Uh-huh.”

His face tightens even more, though he tries to hide it with a half-hearted shrug. “Did Penelope set you up with some guy?”

“Yeah?” You squinted trying to figure out how he knew that. You hadn’t mentioned it, you didn’t want to talk about what had caused your sudden date or have to lie to him about why Penelope suddenly set you up when you have shown no intention of being interested in dating.

“Penelope told me. Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, running his hand through his hair as if he was stressed. You didn’t understand, not really. You told Spencer everything so you could understand why he would be annoyed that you didn’t tell him this, but it seemed as if he took it personally.

You squint at him, crossing your arms. “What is your issue? You look like you want to strangle someone.”

He lets out a huff, avoiding your eyes again. “It’s nothing.”

You tilt your head, studying him. There’s something under the surface, and you’re not about to let it go. “Well you’re here so, obviously its not nothing … What’s going on?”

He finally looks up at you, his eyes sharp and filled with something you haven’t seen before. It catches you off guard for a moment. “It’s just—there was a moment.”

You blink, thrown by the sudden shift. “A moment?”

His voice drops, a little rougher now, a little more real. “Last week. When we were making pizza, and the week before that— and during- there was a moment.”

Your heart skips. You know exactly what he’s talking about, but you stay silent, letting him continue.

“I thought there was a moment,” he says, his frustration starting to leak through his words now. “I thought maybe something was… happening.”

Your chest tightens, the air in the room shifting as you meet his eyes. “There was.”

The confession comes out of your mouth before you even realize it, and the tension between you two spikes instantly, filling the space with an electric charge. You can feel it, the way everything has changed with those two words.

Spencer just stares at you, his brow furrowing slightly, like he hadn’t expected you to admit it. He takes a step forward, you step back almost unconsciously, and your heart beats faster in your chest.

“What are you doing?” you ask, your voice low, unsure.

He doesn’t stop moving, closing the gap between you even more, and his voice is soft but firm when he speaks. “Will you just stand still for a minute?”

Before you can say anything, before you can even process what’s happening, his hand comes up to cup the side of your face, and his lips are on yours.

The kiss is soft at first, almost tentative, but it’s full of all the unspoken things that have been building between you for so long. You feel the world tilt, your hands instinctively moving to grip the front of his jacket, pulling him closer. For a second, everything else fades away—your date, the case, everything.

When you finally pull back, breathless, you just stare at each other. His thumb brushes lightly across your cheek, and his eyes search yours, full of something that feels too big to name.

Neither of you says anything for a long moment, the silence thick and heavy with everything that’s just shifted between you.

Then, as if in slow motion, you take a small step forward. It’s your turn now, the tables flipped, and you can see the surprise flicker in his eyes as he instinctively steps back.

“What are you doing?” he asks, echoing your earlier words, his voice low and a little breathless

You give him a small smile, feeling the tension twist tighter in your chest. “Will you just stand still for a minute?” You mirrored his words

His eyes widen slightly, but he doesn’t move, and before he can say another word, you close the space between you and kiss him again.

This time, it’s different. There’s no hesitation, no second-guessing. The kiss is deeper, more insistent, and you feel his hands tighten around your waist, pulling you closer. It’s like everything you’ve both been holding back is finally breaking free, all the tension and the unspoken feelings rushing to the surface.

When you finally break apart, you’re both breathing heavily, faces inches from each other. Your hands are still gripping the front of his jacket, his fingers still digging into your sides like he’s afraid to let go.

You don’t move, neither of you do. You just stay there, staring at each other, and for the first time in a long time, you’re not thinking about the job, or the cases, or anything else. It’s just him.

He’s the first to break the silence, his voice quiet and almost disbelieving, He exhales, a long, relieved breath, his hand still resting on your waist. “I thought maybe I was imagining it.”

You shake your head, feeling a strange warmth bloom in your chest. “No. You weren’t imagining it.”

Another beat of silence passes, and then his lips quirk up into that small, crooked smile you’ve always liked so much. “Well, I guess we have Penelope to thank for this.”

You roll your eyes but can’t help smiling back. “Yeah, and she doesn’t even know it.”

His thumb brushes your side, a subtle touch, but enough to send a shiver up your spine. “Are you… still going on that date?”

The question hangs in the air between you, and for a moment, you almost laugh. The idea of leaving now, of going out with some guy Penelope set you up with, feels absurd.

“No,” you say, your voice steady and certain. “I’m not.”

His smile widens, just a little. “Good.”

You grin up at him, feeling lighter than you have in weeks. “Yeah? Why’s that good?”

Spencer’s gaze softens, and for the first time, you see the real reason for his frustration, for all of this. He steps even closer, so close that you can feel his breath on your lips, his voice low and sincere.

“Because, there was a moment.”

Your heart stutters in your chest, and you meet his eyes, that familiar warmth spreading through you again. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he says, his lips ghosting yours, and the last bit of tension that’s been sitting between you melts away completely. He smiles, and before either of you can say anything else, he closes the gap and kisses you again.

[chosotallgf]

UNEXPECTED TURN - CHOSO KAMO [chapter 1]

SUMMARIZE.. y/n never bothered getting to know choso after the shibuya incident happened and he became an ally to jujutsu high but what happens when he decides to try and get to know her on a personal level and they start getting put on mission together

TAGS.. choso x fem!reader, shibuya incident arc spoilers!!, post shibuya incident au, character dearth mentioned, slow burn, smut, angst, reader is a sorcerer, oral sex, masturbation + more

A/N.. hi this is my first fanfic ever also I posted it on A03 under the same username. keep in mind I’m a beginner at writing lol. like & rebolgs are appreciated | DONT NOT REUPLOAD :D

………………………………………………………………………………….

you and choso where out having lunch discussing your plans for an upcoming mission later that day. It’s been half a year since the shibuya incident, even after the many deaths that took place that night you ended up finding yourself making a new connection later down the line

choso become an ally for jujutsu high short after the incident, first it started off with you two getting place together to go on small missions together outside of Tokyo. When you first heard of the idea of you and choso being partner up you weren’t a big fan of it, everyone seem to connect well off of first interaction and start to enjoy choso company especially after finding out that he is yuji half brother but you? barely even talk/avoided him outside of missions.

“what are you thinking about”? choso asked as he saw your blank expression as you two were waiting on the food to come out “Huh? oh.. just that how much I hate working with you that’s all” you softly smirk at him. you love teasing choso so often that become y’all daily thing to do to each other. One day after you and choso got back from a mission you were about to head out of jujutsu high until you heard fast steps catching up to you.

“hey.. um y/n you have a moment?” choso asked awkward while scratching the back of his head. you then turn around and sign “yeah what is it?” choso honestly wasn’t sure how he should approach you, when y’all get sent on mission its just strictly about the mission no personal stuff about each other lives, nothing.

he kinda took the hint that you didn’t want to conversation about anything outside of that 3 weeks after the incident when you both were on the train headed to koyto and he asked how long you been a sorcery at jujutsu high and you responded with “why do you care just let’s just do our jobs, the faster the better”

every since then choso didn’t dare to bring up anything after that until the day he generally was curious and had enough of this ‘only talk during and about the mission thing’ he wasn’t a pushy person but he can bet there has to be more to you than this nonchalant mask you are pulling because of the story’s yuji told him when he himself first started out and you and gojo teach him. he had to know why you were so casual with everyone but not him

“Sorry to bother you y/n, don’t take this the wrong way but did I genuinely do something to offend you? every since I came to jujutsu high and going on mission I feel like you been bothered by my presence of that makes any sense” your response could go south either way choso though he didn’t know if you would just curse him out or just turn around and keep ignoring him like you been. “Are you that much of new puppy that you need everyone attention and become friends?”

“hey wait a min don’t go yet” as you turned your head a little bit choso could see your eyes get glossy. “Let me go pls” you barley spoke. A single tear fell down your face. “I’m sorry if it’s becaus-“ choso was about to finish his sentence until gojo loudly interrupted them.

“Heyy choso how have you been? Oh y/n you there too? did you file the last mission yet I haven’t seen it yet if you did” gojo said when he got a glimpse of your hair behind choso back as he was walking up to y’all. as soon as you heard gojo voice you quickly pull your wrist back from choso and he let go.

you then quickly rush off campus and into your car. “Hey come back” choso shouted. You thought how embarrassing that was,now you wouldn’t even dare show your face in front of choso now after he seen you in that state. “I guess she really doesn’t like doing reports after all” gojo said confused.

part 2 coming soon… don’t forget to like & reblog :)

[xshimaeraxx]

I've seen many posts about people missing how common asks used to be so I have been trying to send about an ask a week. Now I send this ask first anytime I follow someone as I really don't want to bother anyone, so I'd love to know if you enjoy receiving asks and if so what kind of asks. Not having energy for asks or being comfortable with them is perfectly okay.

The categories I have in my ask notebook that I file under are in colour. Please feel free to make your response as long as you want or private (the asker cannot directly respond to private responses).

Self, Job/Work: please let me know what you are comfortable with from eh idk just ask it to nothing personal at all.

Baggishield/Tolkien, Dragon Age, Johnlock/Sherlock, ineffable spouses, other fandom: Please let me know what fandoms. I think my main fandoms and ships are Bagginshield/The Hobbit, Sherlock/Johnlock, Dragon Age Inquisition, {Pippin/Faramir Merry/Eowyn}/The Lord of the Rings and I dip my toes in a few that I currently can't remember but ships I don't engage with the canon of at all are: Good Omens but only for Crowley/Azirapheal, Stranger Things but only for Steve/Eddie , The Witcher but only for Geralt/Jaskier, and Ladybug and Cat Noir but only for Adrinette .

OC's, art/drawing, their writing, blog specific only

Story snippets ideas and prompts: Do you like receiving them?

Pets: I'd love to know all about them

Garden and Hobbies: What type of gardening and/or hobbies?

Like being tagged in things: If so what kinds of things?

*Asks are sent for fun, no pressure to answer.

hello!!! yeah, i love receiving asks, lmao, & as for ur questions:

self, job/work: hmmm. im not rly comfy w any major questions ab my irl life (like stuff along the lines of “where specifically t do you live” (like im a brit, but if somewhere were to ask js where i live in the uk, i wldnt answer, as is common sense (imo) when it comes to the internet), “how old are you” “what is (are) your irl name(s)” etc. etc. - identifying stuff, basically), tho anythin’ else is pretty much on the table rn.

fandoms: oh, fandoms my beloved. my main fandoms atm (for both reading & writing, tho some r only reading while some r only writing, etc. etc.) are cuphead (i have way too much worldbuilding for this one au of mine that branches off into so many aus of the au, its genuinely gettin a lil crazy /pos /lh; i write fic for this one, aswell- in fact, its kinda my main writing-for fandom atm ^^), the hobbit (bagginshield my beloved i love you shjshsjehejs - i also dable vaguely in lotr (mainly gimli/legolas + parentshield tbh lmao) but its mostly js the hobbit for me), good omens (i love the ineffables i love s1 & s2 & HSJSHSJSHSJ i js love it like. all around. fuck gaimon tho, death of the author tyvmm), my hero academia/boku no hero academia (i dont engage w fandom much other then a few fanfic writers’ blogs here on tumblr & ao3 fanfic lmao XD; love the anime tho), harry potter (FUCK jkr, speaking as a brit myself none of us claim her, the transphobes can have her, we dont want her /lh - love the (good parts of) fanbase tho. ive actually made some rly good fic-writer friends thru it over on discord lmao), & ofc rise of the guardians!!! (fuckin love that thing, so sad there was never a second move :sadblob: love playin around w fanon/fandom lore tho, & i LOVE jackrabbit (bunnymund/jack) its my main ship in the fandom, tho im a multishipper so im also kinda partial to some other ones ofc)

ocs, art/drawing, writing, blog specific: not entirely sure what this one’s asking/if its actually a question, but imma answer it any lolol XD. anygays - ocs: i have a few cuphead ocs, but none of ‘em r self-inserts & all only rly exist bc of/for/to enhance/move forward the plot of my (main) cuphead au, tho ofc theyre still ocs - love ‘em like my children even if i dont love ‘em as much as i do the canon characters, snirk. art/drawing: i do draw, tho i rarely post any of my art, and one or two times i have its usually bc im js proud enough of it to want to share it, ehehe. writing: i write. so much fanfic. none of its posted, but i have so many wips i frankly dont know when any one of ‘em will be, sooo… shrug. blog specific: my blog isnt rly “specific”; its more js a place for me to enage w cool art & fics & such & reblog stuff i like on here as well as probably self-promo my own fics & such, as well as js a place to put my random ramblings in XD.

story snippets & prompts: oh, i love ‘em!! always nice 2 get a new burst of writing motivation ::D

pets: ohhh, cats. i love cats. had one for a while for around a good two years or so but after he injured his paw & we had 2 keep him inside for 3 weeks straight, the flightly lil bugger’s runaway. he (might’ve; still don’t know for sure whether it rly was him or not, but he apparently responded to his name from my mother’s accounts, so :shrug:) came back in the middle of the night a week or so ago now, but idtk whether he’s dead, alive, or js been taken in by some other family who thinks he’s a stray. :sigh:

gardening & hobbies: i don’t garden, and as for hobbies… not much, rly. i like writing fic, i like reading, i like going on (short, i have shite stamina) walks every other day or so, i like talkin w my few friends. like i said, not much. ::)

like being tagged in things: yes, i do! and as for what… anything, rly! tag games, fic wip games, askbox/ask games, im good w ‘em all! ::D

thx for the ask; have a good day/night/timezone!! ::>

[cadoized]

did i not post this here whoops-

So likely you’ve heard the cut dialogue in Milla’s Party in PN1 from this video and TCRF, however in searching through the game files myself I found that they are numbered in such a way that playing in sequence gives a better idea of how this scene would’ve played out. I haven’t included *all* the cut dialogue that appear in the level mind you- just this sequence of lines that are filed together.

My own theory/HC on how this would’ve looked in the level under the cut

So obviously it starts of pretty unremarkable with Milla having a good time, partying, encouraging the kids etc. The party atmosphere momentarily slipping as she talks to herself, fawning over the kids and “how nice it is to be working with children again”, before encouraging them to “keep it loose” and show her their “happy faces”.

Then we get THOSE lines about Sasha, which in this sequence seems very disconnected and out of nowhere, but I read this as her slipping farther away from reality and farther into her repressed emotions. She’s shaken out of this by something- scoffing at (presumably) a kid not having a good time and “frowning on the dancefloor”. For what reason they could be frowning we don’t know, however if she is slipping into repressed emotions and memories it would make sense if the mental world around her would be beginning to deteriorate as well as she loses her groove.

She begins to feel this deterioration herself, becoming exhausted by having to keep the party going, and this exhaustion causes her to become delirious and relive the trauma of the orphanage. Needless to say, this would be highly damaging to her mental-scape.

Now I can’t find a source to back it up (if you know please tell me!) but it’s a popular belief in the fandom that the nightmares found in Boyd’s mind were originally planned for Milla’s instead before being scrapped. Given the contents of these lines, I think this is the point where the nightmares would have broken out.

It would make for a devastating scene too; the happiest, liveliest member of the cast slowly breaking down as you roam her mental-scape, discovering her darkest of secrets and her darkest of fears before they spring to life and she relives the trauma right in front of you and you’re forced to fight them on her behalf. Even for this game, that is very dark, and I completely understand why they would’ve scrapped this.

Something to note though: I couldn’t find any *aftermath* of these lines. I dont hear her mentioning it, thanking Raz for helping, anything. So really who’s to say where and how these lines would have played into the game? But it sure is fun to speculate!

[winterscaptain]

in the dark.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader

request from anon: I dont know if you've already done something like this 😅 But can you do a hotch x new bau member? Like her and hotch are already a thing and they try to keep it hidden (and they do for a like a month) before someone makes the connection. Just a big secret fluff fest?

a/n: ask and you shall receive anon! secret fluff fests happen to be my specialty, and you’ll need hella mouthwash and floss for this one to avoid cavities. i had SO much fun writing this one and couldn’t wait until the morning to post it.  words: 4,791 (whoops) warnings: some swearing, nothing too wild. 

part two!

AO3 | Masterlist | Requests Closed for Now!

+++

You stepped into the elevator and took it to the sixth floor, where you knew the exact route you needed to take to avoid the BAU bullpen. You’d been called to Erin Strauss’s office, pulled from the heavy caseload at CARD for some kind of mystery meeting with the adjacent section chief.

Checking your watch, you figured that there would be enough time to for a visit before returning to the eighth floor if this meeting didn’t run too long.

“Good morning, Agent. Thank you for coming in.”

You were halfway impressed – you’d barely made it through the door when she started talking. “Good morning, ma’am.”

She stood, handing you a folder. “This shouldn’t take too long, but you’re welcome to sit.”

You flipped through the folder, taking a seat in one of the chairs across from her desk. “A transfer from CARD, ma’am?”

Erin nodded. “I’d like you to try a stint in the BAU. We are working to fill a few roles as the unit’s caseload increases, and when asked, your unit chief did not hesitate to recommend you.”

Oh god.

Your thought died on your tongue before it could leave your mouth.

That was a problem for another time.

You cleared your throat to cover the rising heat in your cheeks. “Yes, ma’am. Of course.”

“You should have no issues settling into the team. Your new unit chief, Aaron Hotchner, is a strong personality, and I am the first person to tell you he’s not always easy to get along with –“

You stifled a laugh, covering it with a light cough into your elbow.

“- but his team is very capable. If you have any issues at all, feel free to bring them to me.” She placed her reading glasses back on her nose and signed something in front of her.

“Shall I report to Agent Hotchner today?”

Agent Hotchner. That’s a goddamn crackup.

“No, not today. I’ll get everything in order for your arrival tomorrow. Report at 9am tomorrow. Agent Hotchner will be ready for you.”

You’re damn right he will.

+++

You rolled over in bed and burrowed into the warm body beside you. To get any closer, you’d have to be under his skin.

Aaron grumbled and managed to pull you even closer, one arm spanning the length of your spine and the other resting across your thigh where it was slung over his hip.

You were somewhere between sleeping and waking for the next hour or so. The slow rise and fall of Aaron’s chest under your cheek brought you a bone-deep calm, letting you rest comfortably in that liminal space.

You were prepared when Aaron’s alarm went off, a full half-hour before it normally did.

“Early meeting?” you asked, as if you didn’t already know.

He hummed an affirmative and tipped your chin up with one finger. “No earlier than usual, but I want to get settled in before the day starts.”

My favorite Type-A Unit Chief.

You smiled against his mouth, stretching up into his kiss. It quickly turned less-than chaste, your tongues sliding together and your hands wandering across his chest and back. The raised ridges of his scars marked your path as you traced invisible patterns on his skin. You knew his body as well as he did, maybe better, and he yours.

After a few minutes, you came to your senses and pulled back. He looked dazed, his lips swollen and plush, his hair soft and tousled on top of his head.

“You have no business looking that good when you have to leave early,” you said with a light laugh. You carded your fingers through the hair at his temples, taking the opportunity to sweep your thumb across his cheekbone.  

He gave you a crooked grin and reached for you again. You rolled away from him, pressing your palms to his chest and locking your elbows.

“If you keep this up, you’re gonna be late.”

Aaron rolled his eyes and threw the covers back, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. You launched yourself across the bed and wrapped your arms around him, tracing the lines of his chest and abdomen with light and playful fingers.

“As you so astutely pointed out, I will be late if you keep this up.” His chastisement was weak, at best.

You pressed kisses to the space between his shoulder blades and pushed him out of bed. He turned around and brought your face between his hands, pressing a series of kisses against your lips.

How he ever makes it to work on time, I have no idea.

+++

At about 8:50 that morning, Strauss knocked twice on Aaron’s open office door before letting herself in.

Aaron looked up. After processing who it was, he set his pen down and laced his fingers.

Why is she always ten minutes early?

“Good morning, ma’am.”

“Good morning, Agent Hotchner.” She looked a little antsy, but he wasn’t sure if that was just her general affect, or something more specific.

“What can I do for you this morning?”

“You have a new agent reporting to your unit this morning. Highly recommended. An asset. Please be welcoming.” She was short and to the point, but it made Aaron’s head hurt.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “All due respect, ma’am, it has been very difficult for me to manage these new agents with such little notice.”

“I understand, but that is my call and not yours.” Aaron suppressed a sigh as she continued. “You’re perfectly capable of managing a larger team, especially one with such capable agents.” She placed the personnel file on his desk and walked out, leaving the door open behind her.

“Damn it,” he said to himself. There was no point in reviewing the file – it was entirely possible Strauss told the agent to report at nine, which means they would probably arrive early, which means –

“Aaron?”

He looked up at the door and his face broke out into a smile in spite of his sour mood. After a quick moment, he sobered and picked up the file on his desk. “I can’t chat long, sweetheart – I have a new agent reporting this morning.”

You did your best to look both politely interested and appropriately surprised.

“Oh, of course, love. I’ll leave you to it.” You were still smiling at him, waiting for it all to click into place.

“Thank you. It shouldn’t be long. We haven’t been called on a case yet this week, and the new agent will have to sit with Dave to work through a couple of consults so I can get a better read on capabilities...” He trailed off, distracted. He opened the file but didn’t look down, his gaze still stuck on you.

You sauntered back toward him. Your palms met the cool wood of the desk as you leaned over it and kissed him lightly. His shaky exhale fanned across your face – restraint evident in his posture. You were taunting him, and he knew it.

But the door was closed....damn it.

He still hadn’t looked down at the file, but a small smile dancing around his mouth. “You can’t be here. My new agent will be here in a few minutes, at the very most.”

“Who’s the agent?”

He shook his head and glanced down at the file. He did a double-take, and the only thing more comical than his head flying back up was the pink flush that rushed to his cheeks.

There was silence for a moment as you watched him process the information before him. 

“You’re my new agent,” he said. It wasn’t a question.

You winked at him.

“Did you ask?”

You shook your head and sat, leaning back in the chair and getting comfortable.

“When did you find out?”

“Yesterday.”

He closed the file and set it back on his desk. His arms crossed as he reclined in his chair, an eyebrow raised at you.

You finally gave in, resting your elbows on his desk and your chin in your hands. “Are you upset?”

He laughed, and you were happy the door was closed. There was no way you could keep anything from the team if they’d heard that. “No, I’m not upset. We’ll just have to compartmentalize a little bit. It won’t be easy, and we’ll have to tell Strauss eventually.”

“Let’s just see how long it takes for the team to pick up on it, and we’ll go from there. What do you think?” Keeping a team of profilers in the dark was no easy task, but you were up to the challenge.

Aaron’s face drops into his normal operating expression – stoic and a little skeptical. You’d seen it before, and you supposed you’d grow even more accustomed to it soon enough. “That sounds perfectly reasonable, Agent. You can speak to facilities about getting a desk downstairs. Report to Agent Rossi next door – he will walk you through all of our procedures.”

You suppressed a smile and stood. “Thank you, sir. Will that be all?”

He returned to his report, but there was a smile threatening at the corner of his mouth. “Yes, Agent. That will be all. Thank you.”

This was going to be fun.

+++

Your first three cases went smoothly. You quickly endeared yourself to the team and had a natural knack for building geographical profiles with Reid. Hotch did his best to pay you very little mind in the field, only to knock on your hotel room door in the very small hours of the morning.

The humor in referring to him as “Hotch” and “Agent Hotchner” and “Sir” hadn’t worn off yet. You had to suppress a smile every single time. It was easier for him, as he was so accustomed to working with his natural stoicism. The hardest part for the both of you was avoiding anything that looked like familiarity. Casual brushes of his arm, catching his sleeve, his hand on your lower back as you got into the car – it all had to go.

You’re new. You’re new. You don’t know anyone. Keep it together.

It was a game, in some ways, and one you both enjoyed playing for different reasons.

“How are you liking it so far?” Emily asked, dropping down next to you on the jet.

Aaron was across from you at the table, and you’d been playing a quiet game of footsie for the better part of fifteen minutes. You pulled away first, tucking one foot under you as you turned to face Emily.

“So far so good,” you replied. “It’s a little bloodier than CARD, but dealing with adults is always easier than dealing with parents.”

She laughed lightly and clicked her tongue. “Well, once you get your first case with kids, we’ll revisit that one.” She lowered her voice, not that Hotch wouldn’t be able to hear her. “They’re always particularly hard on JJ and Hotch, you know.”

You nodded sagely. “I can imagine.”

Hotch raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.

She bumped your shoulder with hers and invited you to drinks with Derek and Penelope when all the paperwork was finished.

“Sure,” you said, beaming. “I’d love to.”

You looked back down at your tablet as she rose to find a better place to nap. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a minuscule grin on Aaron’s face and returned it with one of your own.

+++

“Oh c’mon everyone has a crush on someone in their section,” JJ exclaimed, looking to Penelope for confirmation. All of you, save for Aaron and Dave, piled into the car and went to the bar when you finished your case reports.

Garcia nodded. “Oh absolutely. Have you seen those TASK guys?”

“Hey, I’m right here.” Morgan pulled on one of her pigtails. She stuck her tongue out at him.

“No but seriously,” Emily said. “Anyone catching your eye?”

You shrugged noncommittally, sipping your drink. “Not really.”

JJ squinted at you. “You might want to rethink lying to a bunch of profilers.”

“I thought profiling each other was against the rules!”

Emily rolled her eyes. “Well yeah, but that’s mostly for the big stuff, and it’s more a suggestion than a rule.”

“I thought I saw you eyein’ our fearless leader last week,” Penelope said with a sly grin.

You rolled your eyes and took a sip of your drink, buying yourself some time. You knew exactly what she was talking about – a press conference, in which Hotch shut down a particularly combative reporter with a practiced finesse. You’d failed to hide your smile before Penelope caught you, on one of her rare outings on a case.

“Yeah! I watched you guys on that last case. He’s way nicer to you than he was to me when I first got here.” Emily sounded a little hurt and a lot indignant.

Derek bumped your shoulder with his and gestured to Emily. “That’s because she was insufferable when she first got here,” he stage-whispered.

Emily looked damn near close to throwing her drink at him when you finally relented.

“Okay, fine. I may or may not have noticed that Hotch is...attractive.” You tried your best to sound more evasive and far less sure than you were. You were certain Aaron was one of the finer men you’d ever laid your eyes on, but they didn’t need to know that.

“Aha!” JJ said with a laugh. “I knew it!”

“What?” You asked

“You’ve got a crush on Ho-“ She shut her mouth abruptly as her gaze shifted over your shoulder. Emily swiftly took a massive sip of her drink and set it down a little too roughly.

You all turned around, only to find Hotch standing behind you at the bar.

“Am I too late?”

“No!” Penelope said, a little too quickly. “Not at all. Here, take my seat.”

She vacated the seat beside you, and you shot her a look.

You were playing your part well, and so was Aaron. With a small smile, he sat beside you.

“Settling in okay?” He asked. The bartender placed a beer in front of him, and he winked at you when he took a drink.

“Ah,” you said. “Emily beat you to that question,” you checked your watch, “about an hour ago. I think I said something about it being a little bloodier than I imagined, and that my new boss is a real hardass.”

+++

When you stumbled through the door of his apartment, a bit flushed and a little tipsy, you couldn’t stop laughing. You toed off your shoes and collapsed into his chest, looping your arms around his neck.

“Emily was trying so hard to weasel something out of me! You should have seen her, Aaron it was hilarious.”

He pulled you close and pressed his cold nose into your neck. You jumped and gave his hair a swift tug.

He looked up and his eyes darkened. You knew that look.

My God, he’s handsome.

“What do you say we string them along a little longer?” He asked, his voice low and rough.

You gulped. “I think that’s a great idea.” It came out a little higher and a little breathier than you intended, but he tended to have that effect on you.

+++

You had just turned off the light when there was a knock on your hotel room door. With a sigh, you hauled yourself back out of bed and opened the door.

Aaron was on the other side, in his flannel pajama pants and one of his many black crew-neck t-shirts. He looked exhausted, but that was normal when you were on the road. 

“Want any company?”

As if he had to ask.

You stepped back, letting him in and locking the door behind him. He had a hand on you almost the entire time, fingers glancing across your skin as you felt your way across the room in the dark.

When you both settled under the covers, he wrapped around you, pulling you flush against him with your back to his chest. Within minutes, you were already dozing, safe and warm in his embrace.

“Hey, Y/N?” It was almost a whisper.

You matched his volume, as to not break the sanctity of the darkness. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d told you, not by a long shot. Nevertheless, it never lost its novelty. Maybe he said it a little differently or maybe you heard it a little differently each time he said it, but it always managed to set off a wave of affection that originated somewhere near your sternum.

You took his hand from where it rested against your abdomen and pressed a kiss to his palm. “I love you too.”

When your alarm woke you in the morning, he was gone. A note covered your phone where it rested on the nightstand. His blocky, even script danced in even lines across the paper.

Sweetheart,

I had to get back to my room before the others got up, but I didn’t want to wake you. I’ll see you at the precinct in a couple of hours.

I love you (even when you snore).

- AH

You scoffed. You’d get him back for that later.

I don’t snore, Aaron Hotchner.

+++

The laughter carried out of Aaron’s office and down the hall, where Dave was reading at his desk. He set his book down – the latest advance copy of a friend’s draft he’d offered to go over as a favor – and listened.

He thought he was mistaken, but he could swear he heard Aaron laughing, too.

And laughing he was. You were reaching forward with great ambition. Your one knee giving you leverage on the desk, one foot keeping your balance on one of the chairs, trying in vain to snatch the pen from his hand.

“Give it to me! You’ve been here for hours!”

Aaron’s left arm stretched high into the air as he reclined in his seat, the pen in question entirely out of your reach.

You changed tactics, bracing yourself against the desk as you leaned forward and snatched his tie. You pulled it, tugging him toward you. Your lips crashed together, and you wound the tie around your fingers to keep him close to you.

Kissing Aaron never got old. He relaxed into you, leaning forward. His hands were warm on your face, his thumbs sweeping across your cheekbones. You could feel the pen resting against your skin between his index and middle fingers.

You brought your hand to his wrist, your thumb at his pulse point. It was always reassuring to know he was here and alive. But there was, of course, an ulterior motive.

When you slid your fingers up the side of his hand, you took the pen from between his fingers. You threw it over your shoulder and he laughed into your mouth. You pulled back and kissed his nose. He looked at you, and you looked back for a moment, the outside world forgotten.

Meanwhile, Dave had left his office, peering through the not-so-closed blinds and listening through the open door.

“How long were you planning to keep us in the dark, kids?”

You jumped apart, skittering to your feet and turning around. At attention, you heard Aaron sigh and slowly rise to his feet.

“Dave, I –“

Rossi waved him off with a wide smile. “No need. As long as I get to be in on it, I’ll drag the rest along as long as you’d like.”

He crossed the office and took your face in his hands, kissing you on both cheeks. At your left, he whispered in your ear. “Thank you for taking care of his heart.”

+++

“Oh, you are so busted.”

Aaron froze where he stood, closing the door to your hotel room. He grit his teeth and took a breath. “JJ –“

She sauntered up to him with a smug smile. When she reached his shoulder, she shoved him playfully, her façade breaking immediately. She dropped her voice to a whisper. “I’m so happy for you.”

The corner of his mouth lifted in an almost-smile. “Thanks.”

Just then, you opened your door, holding his FBI windbreaker and fully expecting to sneak down the hall to his room. “Aaron, love, you forgot – fuck.”

JJ laughed. “For a pair of profilers, you two really suck at sneaking around.”

Your stomach dropped. “Do the others know?”

“I think Dave has picked up on a few things –“

Aaron shot you a look, but JJ was still looking at you.

“- and I think the rest of them are just hoping you’ll get your shit together.” She shrugged. “I’ll keep it under wraps – I’ve got money on another four months and I intend to rob Emily blind.”

You snorted, but Aaron grabbed your wrist – a warning.

Don’t tell her Dave knows, that touch said.

Just as Aaron predicted, she kept talking. “If you hold out for me, I’ll give you a third.” She raised her eyebrows and extended her hand to you.

“Deal,” you said.

She sighed, chuffed, and almost danced down the hallway. “See you later!”

+++

The ride home was quiet, with almost everyone asleep. Hotch was kicked back in one of the seats, his eyes closed, brow drawn, and arms crossed. You always tried to put yourself where you could see him, without getting too close.

Derek sat beside you, and you thought he was asleep, when –

“Are you gonna tell me what’s goin’ on between you and Hotch?”

You looked at him over your nose. “I don’t know what you’re referring to. You’re gonna have to be more specific.”

He removed his headphones entirely, keeping them around his neck. “Oh come on. You might be able to trick the rest of them, but not me.”

It was true. Derek was the one you had your eye on from the beginning, and Hotch had told you to remain especially vigilant around him.

When you didn’t say anything, Derek continued.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you. You’re better at hiding it than he is.”

Your cheeks warmed, and a smile pulled at your lips. “Really?”

He nodded. “Hotch is a sucker when he’s in love. I saw it when I first met Haley, and I see it with you.

“I’ve got money on catching you guys next week, so let’s keep this on the low for now. I will, however, be very impressed if you manage to keep this under wraps much longer than that.” He shrugged. “If JJ wins, I’ll babysit Jack for a night so you guys can go out on a real date.”

You offered your hand, and he shook it once. “You’ve got yourself a deal, Morgan.”

He put his headphones back on, tipped his head back, and closed his eyes.

When you glanced up, Hotch’s eyes were watching, half-lidded. You knew he heard the whole thing. He gave you one of his smiles that wasn’t quite a smile and closed his eyes again.

+++

A few nights later, you all had plans to meet up at Dave’s for dinner. You and Aaron were there a little early and could take a few minutes to relax. You were curled up on the couch at Hotch’s side, his arms wrapped around you to pull you snug to his chest. Dave had a movie on – one of those loud action movies starring some famous bald guy with an iconic one-liner and a bad attitude.

You got so caught up in the movie you didn’t hear Spencer and Penelope arrive. By this point, you were halfway into Aaron’s lap, his cheek against your temple, and your fingers tracing patterns on the hand that rested on your hip.

“Oh. My. God.” Penelope stopped dead in her tracks, snatching Spencer’s sleeve.

At this point, it was just funny. You looked up at Aaron and laughed, tucking further into him. He kissed your forehead and looked up at them over your head.

“Where’d you have your money, Garcia?” He asked.

Penelope shrugged. “I’m out, I had three weeks ago, on the Nevada case.”

“I had a maximum of seven months, based on our last bought of big secret-keeping,” said Spencer. “So I’m out too. We’re going on eight months and five days, now. Emily’s up next, at the nine-to-nine-and-a-half month mark.”

They plopped down on the couch beside you, and you disentangled yourself from Aaron. Penelope glommed on to your arm. “What are we watching?”

+++

The end of the night found Dave, JJ, Derek, You, Aaron, and Penelope outlasting Emily, who graciously offered to drive Spencer home. You and Aaron were cleaning up in the kitchen, visible through the big window, while the rest of the team lounged by the firepit.  You sprayed Aaron with water from the sink, and he swatted you with a towel. Very few dishes were actually washed.

They couldn’t hear your laughter, but they saw it written all over your faces.

“So,” Derek started. “Who knew?”

They all shared a look for a moment before bursting into laughter. They realized the game you played was better than the one they thought.

“Who’s the only one who doesn’t?”

JJ smirked into her wine glass. “Oh, that would be Emily.”

Derek offered the neck of his beer bottle, and JJ clinked her glass against it. “How’d you manage that?”

“Nuh-uh. Not a chance. I don’t kiss and tell.” She winked at him.

+++

“Oh, goddamn it, you guys! You couldn’t have done this last month?” Emily threw her hands in the air.

She’d just pulled the kitchen divider curtain on the jet home from an exceedingly long case. When you last checked, everyone was fast asleep. Even then, though, you’d grown more lax in the off-hours – Emily’s bet had long since lapsed, and everyone else (who mattered) knew.

You sat on the counter, with Hotch leaning between your legs. He was making a cup of coffee, seemingly uninhibited by the obstacle of your body. Your phone was in one hand, and the other was resting casually on Aaron’s shoulder, playing with the hair behind his ear.

Aaron stood up straight, his coffee in his hand. With his usual deadpan, he took a sip and said, “Sin to win weekend is coming up, if you’re worried about your account balance.”

There was a snort from behind her, and you belatedly realized her exclamation had woken the rest of the team. JJ was already collecting cash from Dave and Derek. She ruffled Spencer’s hair on her way past him. Derek dialed Penelope, and almost immediately had to take the phone away from his ear to avoid premature deafness.

JJ stood before Emily with one hand on her cocked hip and the other extended palm up, right under Emily’s nose.

Emily scoffed and pulled out her wallet. “You suck.”

+++

Three Months Later

There was a knock on your door, and you smiled to yourself as you signed another document. “Come in.”

The familiar figure sat at the chair across from you, kicking up his feet like he owned the place. You didn’t look up from your work.

“Get your feet off my desk, Hotchner.”

He huffed, but the dress shoes disappeared from the polished surface. They were soon replaced by a pair of elbows and a set of ten laced fingers. 

It was nice to be back in CARD. A couple of people from the Critical Response Team had transferred out of the unit, leaving significant gaps in leadership. You were now the Special Agent In Charge for Northeast CARD operations and Deputy Unit Chief – duel positions that kept you mostly chained to your desk unless something went horribly awry.

There was no need for Aaron and you to sneak around anymore, but you missed it a little. A secret was a little exciting – something that was just yours.

But then again, that was the thing about love. It didn’t have to be exciting to make your chest feel too small for all the things you kept inside of it.

You finally looked up from your file, closing it and pushing it off to the side. Warm eyes met you across the desk.

“What can I help you with, Agent Hotchner?” Your tone was crisp and professional, but you reached for his hand, and he took it.

He rolled his eyes. “The team is going out tonight.”

“And?” You raised an eyebrow.

He stood without releasing your hand and rounded your desk, pulling you to your feet. “You’re coming with us.”

“I am?”

A tug and you were pulled flush against him. “Of course.”

“And after?”

“Jack’s with his grandparents for the weekend,” he said.

When you kissed him, you could feel his smile against your lips.

+++

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @agenthotchner @hurricanejjareau @fics-ilike @octothorpetopus @ange-must-die @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @shrimpyblog @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @saintd0lce @good-heavens-chris-evans @davidrossi-ismydad @angelsbabey @gublergirls 

@vintagecaptainspidey @venusbarnesmb @writefasttalkevenfaster (thought this might be up your alley, but let me know i’ve im overstepping at all xo)

[fuck-goes-on]

Carnage

pairing/s: NONE, because reader literally gets traumatised bc of marcus please-

summary: you work for a big name company as an assistant to the CEO. you work late on night and when you go to say farewell to your boss, you find something horrifying

warning/s: MAJOR GORE WARNING UNDER THE LINE! I REPEAT GORE AND BODY HORROR AHEAD OF YOU, violence, blood control/thirst, minor character death (you don't die dw), mentally unstable character, kidnapping, non-con themes, dark! marcus is a warning in and of himself

note/s: DARK MARCUS FIRST ONE SHOT LETS GOOOO manifesting more creative juices for dark marcus,, no cap this has done me good in terms of letting go negative emotions so HAHA we love that for me 😌✨i honestly dont know why it ended up with marcus kidnapping reader but here we are anyways

masterlist

You yawned into your hand as you type away information into your computer, slowly bopping your head left and right to the music in your earphones. It was nearing one o'clock in the morning and you were so close to finishing the files Mr. Howard forced you to digitise, making you work later than usual. You leaned back on your chair, stretching your legs out and your arms up, you decided to finish the rest of the files tomorrow and call it a night.

Packing your things up in your shoulder bag, you stand up from your desk and walk towards your boss' door. You knew he was still in his office, having seen him thirty minutes ago when he shoved more papers into your hands. Facing the door of Mr. Howard's office, you brought your hand up to knock on the wood. You waited a couple of seconds for his permission, and when there was no sound, you knocked once more.

It wasn't that your boss didn't like it when people came into his office without his permission, but it was that your boss didn't like it when people came into his office without his permission. You shrugged it off and thought Mr. Howard just fell asleep or didn't hear you, plus you weren't dumb enough to keep on knocking. As you were walking away, however, you heard a groan coming from inside the room.

“Mr. Howard? Sir?” You called out from the door. “Sir, are you alright? May I come in?” You knocked again, more urgently this time, thinking your boss wasn't feeling well. When he didn't answer, you cursed out loud, biting down on your lip and tapping your foot on the floor.

You shove the fuck you give to the rule away; If there was no boss, then there will be no employees, if there are no employees, then there is no company, and if there was no company, then there won't be any money for survival. With that logic in mind, you opened the door and stepped into the room.

And you screamed.

(GORE WARNING AGAIN)

There was blood splattered everywhere; The couch, the walls, the tables, the shelves- Fuck even on the ceiling?! Tiny chunks were sticking onto the surfaces and you wouldn't dare think of what it could be. As your eyes stared in the room in horror, you failed to notice the dark presence in the room.

The door slammed shut, your throat closed up, and you were thrown against the bloodied wall by an invisible force. Grasping at your neck, you tried to push away the pressure that forced your airway close, but nothing was physically holding you down.

Just as you thought you would pass out, the invisible grip around your throat loosened and you gasped shakily for air, dropping down on your knees and coughing roughly. You screamed once more when your body was dragged on the floor, your shirt and bag getting soaked in the blood puddles until your back hit a hard surface.

When you turn your head to look at what you bumped into, you fought the urge to throw up. It was Mr. Howard's body- or at least, it looked like Mr. Howard's body. The head was caved in, easily showing you the contents of his skull, and the limbs were just... in the wrong places. You didn’t like your boss, none of your coworkers did, but you wouldn’t ever wish this upon him.

You felt numb, you're mouth open in shock, your tears rolling down your bloodied cheeks, and your body in phantom pain as you continued to stare at the corpse in front of you.

A large, gloved hand grabbed your face to turn your eyes away from the scene. You gasped in fright as you see a broad man clad in all black, with a scarf hiding the lower half of his face, only showing his cold, brown eyes. Whimpering and crying, you struggled against him but the invisible force came back, more painful than earlier, and stopped you from moving.

“Do you know who this man is?” The dark man asked you, his voice, husky and deep, sent shivers down your spine. When you nod your head, he chuckled dryly, “Do you know who he truly is?” You shook your head, almost pleadingly. “He's a killer. He's a murderer. He killed my friend in cold blood and I came to pay him a visit. A well-deserved one, wouldn't you say?”

“P-P-Please, I-I just work f-for him here, I d-did-didn't know,” You begged, your hand coming up to grip this wrist. The man mockingly cooed at you, before slamming you into the front of your boss' desk.

“Listen to me very closely if you want to live,” He said slowly, enunciating every word to you. “You can either run away in fright, go to the nearest police station and turn this bloody scene in, have them arrest you because you're in a crazed state and there's not enough evidence that you saw me doing it.” You sobbed loudly, panic filling your chest as you tried to make sense of his words. “Or, you can come with me, I'll treat you better than this bastard ever did and you won't have to lift a finger ever again. Doesn't that sound appealing, dear?”

“I-I d-don't-”

“Shh, it's okay, dear. We both know what the better option is, right?” The man's eyes crinkled at the sides, most likely giving you a menacing smile underneath his scarf. He stroked your hair in a pitiful attempt to calm you down, but you flinch away from his touch, whimpering in fear. You froze in fright as he picked you up from the floor, and used the private elevator your boss had in his office to go to the ground floor. The dark man pulled down his scarf to reveal his face, and it was the last thing you saw before passing out from shock.

“That’s it, dear, get some rest. You’ll need it once I bring you home.”

--

dark! marcus tag: @pedrocentric​

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Twenty First Lines

I was tagged by @sagechanoafterdark, thank you for the tag Lovely 💚

Like Sage in her Post, Im might do a extra line or two to give a real feel for it. Im also going to do it random, not just my latest ones, because to be honest, I dont know when I posted some things and in what order. 

I have forgotten about some of these! It was fun seeing them again. 

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag some of your favorite writers!

The cold steel of the pole easily slicked along your heated thighs as you spun around it, your head tipping back as the rush of the club’s sultry lights turned into blurs will you easily landed on your toes. You Can Be The Boss- Mob!Steve x You x Mob!Bucky

The family settled and a few weeks later, morning started out normal for the rest of the household , but didn’t start that way for Andy. His coughing never seemed to break and he was covered in a light sheen of sweat. Home Sweet Home: Catch ‘Em Andy Barber x You

You unlocked the apartment door and stepped into the blessed warm house, sighing in relief at the smell that hit your senses. “God Sam, that smells so damn good.” Go Relax Sam Wilson x You

“Fuck!” He hissed above you before collapsing over you, his words muffled in your shoulder, and you, with your ankles hooked together, heels digging into his ass cheek and purring underneath him, nuzzled his shoulder with a satisfied sigh, your hands smoothing up and down his back in a loving gesture, was how you found yourself in a slightly lightning room. “The Barnes Special” Bucky Barnes x You

Early morning light streamed across Curtis’ face, and he slung his arm over his eyes to block out the light with a groan. But he still had a grin, cause for 17 years there was no significance to day and night. Just This Forever Moment Curtis Everett x You (Life After Snowpiercer)

They had to make fun where they could, You would make up games with a die you still had, your younger brother, Matt sitting cross legged across from you on the bunk and a 4 year old Edgar in your lap, leaning over as much as possible without falling out of your lap. Taken (Early Years) Curtis Everett x You (Life After Snowpiercer) 

After you two came to a stalemate, you insisted on heading back outside and helping the remaining wolves. Attack Of The Winter Wolf: Salvaging The Lost Alpha Steve x Little One

“Weekend plans?” Sam asked Steve while they waited for the logs to be unloaded from the back of the truck to be sent into the mill to be filed down and then Steve could arrange to have them shipped out to buyers. The Pack: Heated Petals Alpha Steve x Little One

Ransom perched his sunglasses on the end of his nose as he peered over the frames to the quaint storefront you had him stop at. Surprising Finds Ransom x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader

“Come on Baby, just one more.” Ransom hissed against your ear, his tongue swiping over the shell of your ear while tightening his hold on your throat, your sobs coming out half strangled from needing to come on his cock that he kept pounding into you. You Can’t Get Better Then A Thrombey Ransom Drysdale x Reader

“Baby wake up.” You heard a husky whisper in your ear as well as a rough scrape against your shoulder from Franks cheek as he pressed in close to your back, the soft hairs of his chest pressed into your sleepy warm skin and you muttered a no into your pillow as you hid your face into the cotton covers. Remember? Frank Adler x You 

“Don’t start Y/N” Frank snapped a bit while glancing at you. Oppressive Frank Adler x You

Mike’s hand rubbed against his chin as he parked his rundown truck, the vehicle shuddering to a stop. Taking The Risks Chapter One Mike Weiss x You

You rolled in bed and was not surprised to find Paul’s spot slowly cooling. Although a glance at your bedside clock showed 7:30 am, which for you was early, it was sufficiently late for Paul. Moments Of Bliss Paul Diskant x You

“You came from where?” Sam questioned with a tilt of his head, arms folded across his chest as he raised a quizzical brow at the man in all red. This Is Still Marvel, Right? Deadpool x Sam Wilson x Bucky Barnes x You

As you were dragged away, you could hear the cheers echoing off the steel walls. Wilfords Demands: Separated Curtis Everett x You

“We’re not dropping the money! Push it, it can go over that ridge.” Recovering Your Catfish: Changes Frank “Catfish” Morales x You

You pick up a flute glass from a bypassing waitress and bring the bubbling liquid to your lips. The fizz tickled your nose as you sipped while glancing around the room, another social obligation that Sue and Reed’s were throwing for the science community. Feeding The Flames: Take A Seat Johnny Storm x You

“You are sure about this Johnny?” You asked as he ducked his head out of the riders changing room, glancing around at the semi darkened arena. Feeding The Flames: Wild Ride Johnny Storm x You

Bucky did just as he promised, he read until it was later in the evening, and then when he checked the time, he snapped the book shut and set it aside. The Perfect Life Part Four Dark!Steve Rogers x Dark!Bucky Barnes x You

“Okay Brian, you want this rom com to deliver.” Mike cracked his knuckles and let his fingers lower over the keys, starting to type out the main character’s opening scene, picturing the actress Brian described as standing just behind him, sitting at your kitchen table your grandmother gave you, picking at plates of food. Sweet, Spice and Hot Water Is Always Nice (Playing It Cool AU) Mike (Me) x You

SNEAK PEEK STORIES 

Ransom could only begin to guess what he would be walking into while he made his way up the steps to his front door. It was Christmas after all and you were in full holiday mode. Holiday Ransom Special Ransom Drysdale x You

<You are the one who let her go in there.> The Silver Alpha snarled out agitated while Steve paced nearby, wearing a path through the grass, trampling it down till it tore the delicate blades, leaving the scent of green vegetation in the plant's distress. Attack Of The Winter Wolf Chapter 5 Alpha Steve x Little One

“But Steve!” You whined as you crawled across the bed, pouting your perfect painted red lips at him, daring to dart the tip of your tongue out the corner as you looked up at him from under your lashes. “I really want to see you when you fuck me.” Sinfully Sweet Kinktober Special Mob!Steve x You x Mob!Bucky

“Bucky, I will behave. Whatever you want.” You cried into his shoulder as you felt the barn's darkness swallow you whole. The Perfect Life Chapter 5 Dark!Steve Rogers x Dark! Bucky Barnes x You

Tagging some awesome writers I know- @that-damn-girl @jtargaryen18 @what-is-your-plan-today @just-one-ordinary-fangirl @slothspaghettiwrites @myoxisbroken and anyone else who would like to participate. 

[maskedjoker]

We are getting really close to the scene in lost fragment of snow that was genuinely confusing in the book, and it's the scene were everyone in the circus is killed. I think what we will probably get is a scene were mana finally ends up giving into despair after he is hit and then allen is fed to a lion.

I think that with more current info, i can say for sure that sleeve earl and mana are a hybird. This will likely cause a resurgence of sleeve earl into taking over the body and becoming whole. This only lasts for a short time however and when cross confronts him after the rest of the circus has died from the audience turning into akuma(which i suppose are implied to be constantly just around the earl and is probably one of the many reasons cross warned Allen to stay away) some exchange of words or damage causes a lots of control. This damage however also hurts mana(or potentially just being forced out off control) causing him to loose even more memories as seen when mana and Allen reunite the next day.

Now i think we can agree that sleeve earl exists as a third entity, especially since her recent art exhibit interview, as she talked about the suit being a super sophisticated golem. I think in this case as with tim and lero yhat "golem" refers to AI. Id argue with the weird phrasing like helix of life and all the biotech style that magic is more often than not just more advanced technology, and wherever the noahs came from likely was, hence why they say they only seem strong because we have become so weak. This is only further shown with innocences resemblance to machines like its gear like parts and percentage resonance.

The noah memories in general i think are some kind of AI that passes through generation lines, carrying significant portions of its past forward and then fusing with a similar person in their lineage. For example early on road would have been just road, then through some means either became an AI(or was given a piece of someone that counts as one under golem, its unclear). Regardless once connected to the noah memory, it acts like a save file and becomes more sophisticated with time. It carries each life and gives all those memories, feelings and drives to a new body. So new road would remember being road, her life and everything, but also the life they had been living up until the two combined. Over time the noah memory keeps getting larger and larger to the point new experiences are so small, relatively speaking, that it overrides much more than normal. Since they are fuzed as one being they likely cant be separated without mutually assured destruction, were the current entity will die and any remains will not be the origionals, if anything remains at all. An example of this is that tyki could not be made human by Allen I their fight i the arc, despite having a blade that should destroy only part of him. Admittedly tyki is a special case though, and more tyki backstory is needed.

Changes from body to body become more subtle, but the base, which likely has a distinct core function as seen by its response to certain tasks and ideas, remains a strong aspect. This creates an almost reincarnation like effect for them, needing to only find a new body to continue.

The suit is like this, but different. I don't know how the original earl split, but i do think that some aspect of him was placed on the suit. I would like to say its the original version of the noah memories of the earl and nea got like a brand new copy, but i actually have no idea what memories he has of being past earl so its mostly a guess. Regardless the noah actually all seem to transform in some way when they get mega pissed. Im looking at you skinn, jasdevi, and tyki/joyd. So the suit is likely that kind of thing, but way more distinct and capable of acting autonomously. Since they all have different forms it makes sense that his would also be unique. They all probably represent some inner desire related to their memory. Skinn is just rage so big angry man works fine. Jasdero and devit are bonds so they want most to be one. Tyki got all fucked up before he changed so i got nothing, but it had a heavy does of sadism, which I guess is pleasure? Taking into account that killing in horrible graphic ways is his guilty pleasure it kinda makes sense.

So because of that, this sentient AI is constantly trying to pair with half a fucking brain because nea and mana only share one brain cell. Some kind of resistance from mana or strain causes him to constantly fall ill or comatose. Now to be clear on naming, sleeve earl does not refer to themselves as adam in the mirror scene nor does he refer to mana as adam, and only uses "we" when talking to mana about being the earl. Oddly enough the earls self pronouns are we, using wagashi which is kind of like the japanese equivalent of the royal we used in europe for the entirety of the series. For the record, mana in the flashbacks uses male or single they pronouns, i don't remember if he uses boku or watashi, but he uses at least one if not both.

So from this it seems millennium earl is a title, used by whatever is paired with the suit. Adam is the original name of the noah, and is the preferred name of the current earl aside from the title.

This circumstance was likely caused by the rest of the noah, who are using the earl for something related by the pillar. His separation either by accident or by intent was likely by the hands of his family trying to keep control for their ends. This is why the current earl is called a broken puppet and has so many things around him related to acting and stage plays. He is playing a role, the red clown to allens white clown as stated in the ark arc. He even wears a mask. His memories and mind have been damaged though, therefore broken. However broken puppet for both allen and the earl could also refer to a puppet that doesnt work as a double meaning, implying they can no longer be controlled or puppeted.

It is also implied that he is still unaware of this betrayal, but it is likely nea does to some degree as it would explain why he became a traitor and killed his own family. To be clear, i dont think all of the noah know everything, and i dont think they dont actually care for the earl. It seems they still genuinely follow him to their death and see him as one of their own, especially in cases like road, tyki and wisely.

Now early i said that different generations of noah would cope woth reincarnating differently. Since the earl only died once before 7000 years ago, id say resetting to a new body with only 17 years would be just smashed flat by any algorithm with that much data. However manas feelings are still the newest, and so still have an impact even on the current earl.

Now we come to resurrecting mana. How? Why? Well i dont know. But my guess is whatever part was the memories of mana for the 20 or so years he lived, or at least his memories at death, are in allen. His curse and weird hallucinations of mana seem to suggest it. Alternatively that part of his soul may have passed on, or it fuzed with the noah memory making the origional mana part of the hive and much like tyki and his noah memories cannot be seperated. Not good regardless.

As two additional things, i want to mention that hoshino is a twin and has always been obsessed with it, so having twins in her book was inevitable. What is extra weird is hoshino was actually going to be a triplet, but either her or her sister absorbed it before birth. She has mentioned it in dgm interviews and i cant PROVE it translates to anything in the plot but its suspicious. She also still list mana, nea and the earl as distinct in every book up to date in extra novels and at the start of her books. Oh and her favorite hat for the earl right now? The one featured on the most recent chapter? Has two faces on the front that are visible, and one in the back thats hidden, and the most recent art has the back face as the only one visible, angrily staring allen down. Great art foreshadowing if im right. Its also usually sleeve earl, if not exclusively, that wear it.

The second thing is mana talking about love and drive in the most recent chapter just brings up the earl having the noah memory of love or devotion or something for me. Ive written about it before but it just seems to fit. This character is all about that from the ability to fuze loved ones together to the hearts he talks with and his drives being based on grand acts of devotion, being by their side etc. Mana also loved and adopted both and dog and a homeless child and keeps talking about how the world is so beautiful despite all the bad. The earl literally acts like the whole noah clans mom by his own words and cooks for them, and both of them go out of their way to be cartoony to break tension. The earl literally goes and buys a single red rose from a poor girl while tyki pontificate on how he doesnt act like a villain. He doesnt take an umbrella because he wants to feel the rain. He talks about how what he does is in human nature and requires a connection between two people. He is even designed with his ideal colors as red and purple with white, as well as being designed after flowers. I know this probably doesnt make sense, but its stuck in my head.

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

Love Isn’t Always On Time Part Thirty Seven

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist Notes: Not Beta-Read.   Also if you’ve asked to be added to the tag lis and I haven’t, I’m sorry! This is my sideblog and I can’t reply to messages without it being my main (if that makes sense) so just shoot me either an IM or a message on my inbox and I’ll add you I hope everyone’s doing well :) Warnings: Some cursing? Summary: Call me old-fashioned, but I thought three people standing at a bar, all wearing sunglasses and baseball caps may stand out a little. 

The twenty minutes that had followed the broadcast had been status quo for the last two years of my life, and had been the modus operandi in my time with the Howlies - “Grab your shit, we need to be out of here in twenty.” New mission, new parameters. But there were new lines now that we were in danger of crossing. Any actions that we took to go after Bucky wouldn’t be sanctioned by General Ross, by the UN; everyone would be watching us way more closely now.

Steve was tracking down what he could on recon when it came to Bucky; Sharon had promised to feed back what she could without suspicion and while keeping her head above water with the investigation. The image of Bucky was everywhere - a collar pulled up around his neck, a black cap fitted over his head, but he looked directly at the camera.

Sam and I were waiting at a coffee bar as Steve made contact with Natasha; the bombing was on every single channel, everyone around us was talking about it. I kept my head down as much as I could, feeling conspicuous even in black baseball cap and sunglasses. Call me old-fashioned, but I thought three people standing at a bar, all wearing sunglasses and baseball caps may stand out a little. “Something is off about this,” Sam grumbled, “After all of the trouble he’s gone through the keep his head down for the past couple of years, there’s no way he’d slip up just to attack the Accords and then get caught out like that.” “Unless some HYDRA asshole got to him and he’s been reactivated,” I offered quietly, “Or it’s not him at all. Remember that mask ‘Tasha had when we were in D.C.? He could be framed. And he’s already been forced to do so much, wouldn’t be implausible that he’s been made to do something else.” We quieted down as Steve came back in; I could tell from the tightness in his jaw that the conversation with Natasha didn’t go the way he wanted it. “She tell you to stay out of it?” Sam asked. When Steve didn’t answer, he tacked on, “Might have a point.” "He’d do it for me,” Steve pointed out. “In 1945, maybe. I just want to make sure we considered all our options. The people that shoot at you usually wind up shooting at me. And this one hasn’t spent that much time since she splashed back down in the 2000s,” Sam tacked on, nodding in my direction. Steve caught my eye over the top of his sunglasses, and I averted my eyes. “If you have reservations about this, Wilson, have them, but don’t drag me into that,” I argued softly. Sam grunted in turn, quieting down as Sharon settled in beside Steve. “Tips have been pouring in since that footage went public. Everybody thinks the Winter soldier goes to their gym. Most of it's noise. Except for this. My boss expects a briefing, pretty much now...so that's all the head start you're gonna get,” She relayed, passing Steve a file. “Thank you,” He mumbled. “And you're gonna have to hurry,” Sharon warned. My blood ran cold when she added, “We have orders to shoot on sight.”

--

“I don’t like this,” I said quietly, glancing up at the building. Sam was stationed on the roof, and I was keeping to the alleyway of the building, waiting on a rented motorcycle that Steve and I had driven over on. Steve looked at the cowl in his hands. We didn’t have the time to contemplate, but I couldn’t shake the feeling in my gut. “Stay out here, keep to the comms, fall back unless I tell you,” he repeated. I pursed my lips and give him a tight nod, averting my eyes to the street. Steve cupped my chin, forcing me to look at him. “It’s safest this way,” He reminded me gently. “I know,” I mumbled, “Just... Go, and be careful.” Steve pressed a kiss to my forehead before he fitted his cowl on, buckling it and heading inside. I watched the door shut behind him before I looked up to the roof at where Sam was peering down at us. I gave him a wave, signalling that Steve had gone inside. “... I’ve got German special forces approaching from the South,” Sam warned. I grimaced, leg shaking impatiently. “Come on, Steve,” I mumbled, waiting for him to open the comm, to give the all clear to come up, something. I didn’t get that. What I got instead was the sound of gunfire, yelling. I kept my eyes on the sky, waiting for a signal from Sam or a call from Steve. What I did see was Bucky jump from one roof to another, then another  person jump after him. I brought my hand up to my ear. “Sam, what the hell is that?” “It looks like a cat man!” Sam yelled back. “A fuckin’ what?” I asked, unable to help a delirious laugh. “They’re heading for the sidewalk,” Sam warned in place of another answer, “Southwest corner!” I started my bike up, pulling my helmet on and pulling the visor down as I sped in the direction Sam mentioned. I could see them - there was Bucky, Steve, and another figure running at an unreal speed. “They’re heading for the underpass,” I groaned, picking up speed. I wasn’t sure what was worse at this point - Bucky jumping carelessly into oncoming traffic, the unidentified CatMan chasing him, or the fact that we still had German Special Forces on our tail. Even in my time in the 40s, even the recon mission in Roessel hadn’t presented me with so many opportunities to die on the spot. German Special Forces had largely paid me no mind, and I used that to my advantage, focusing my energy on defensive driving, diverting other vehicles from the chase, offering Steve and Sam space and cover where I could. I managed to follow Steve’s order, hanging back until Sam flicked the CatMan toward a detonation and fell back onto my bike to keep the both of us from getting caught under the fall of rubble that Bucky had set off. I would’ve taken a harder fall if it hadn’t been for Sam’s wings. I pushed off of the ground, hurrying out of the artificial light with Sam and spotting Steve and Bucky where they’d finally come to a stop with War Machine. “Stand down,” Rhodey warned from behind the visor. Sam and I brought our hands up, crowding closer to the others as German Special Forces closed us in. Bucky and Steve turned their heads to see who else he could possibly be addressing; I saw recognition wash over Bucky’s face in a quick, painful wave before he turned back to the matter at hand.

I would’ve moved closer, but there was Sam’s hand on my shoulder, carefully anchoring me in place to stop me from doing something stupid, like breaking into a run when there were god knows how many guns pointed at us. Part of me didn’t care. Bucky was here, he was in one piece, he saw me and he knew exactly who I was. But I also wasn’t the only one in the line of fire, and one stupid word or step out of line could spell even worse consequences for all of us. I cast Sam a pleading look despite this, and he gave me a small shake of his head. I kept carefully quiet as I watched soldiers shove Bucky to the ground and cuff him. Across from them, CatMan retracted his claws, reached up, and pulled off his helmet. My eyes widened at the sight of Prince T‘Challa. It took everything in me not to fight the cuffs being put on me, not to argue as I was strong-armed toward a vehicle with Sam and Steve and Prince T’Challa. “Shouldn’t he be getting a limo?” Sam muttered as we were nudged into a van. I shot him a look, fighting the smile that pulled at my lips. We were fucked, and we knew it. The Accords had been signed, we were way out of jurisdiction; we had gone essentially gone rogue. The ride was fairly quiet. Until, “So, you like cats?”

Tag list: @gloryevans @redryderdesigns @winter-scolder @aactuaaltraash @secretagentben @staplerrrr @elliee1497 @adayinmymeadow  @allonszassbutt @mannls @witch-of-letters  @niallssweetheart22 @uneniffler  @rinthehufflepuff @panic-angel3314  @firstangeldragonranch @kaetastic @mcuwillbethedeathofme @skeletoresinthebasement @i-dont-know-what-im-doing-yay @kkaos15 @iamnotoverlyfondofwhatfollows  @bassclarinety @tomshelbystits @rvgrsbrns @marvelmenarebeautiful @tenaciousperfectionunknown @intricate-melody​ @stuffandstuff-stuff​ @fanfuckingtastic04 @messybunnyartist @anescapefromtheworld  @shesa-riott​ @bihoeofmanyfandoms

[pentyler]

Penny Tyler Intro

BASICS

★ BIRTH DATE / 1 December, 1955 (i think LMAO) ★ BLOOD STATUS / Half-blood ★ PRONOUNS & IDENTITY / she/her; cis female ★ FACECLAIM / Tristin Mays

ACADEMICS & ROOMING

★ PRIMARY SCHOOL / London School of Witchcraft, class of 1974 ★ ACADEMIC PURSUITS / Pre-Auror ★ HOUSE & YEAR / Gryffindor, class of 77

( alcohol abuse cw, abuse cw )

POINTS OF INTEREST

★ Penelope was happy being poor, alone, and without any ounce of weight to her name. She was alright with being “Penny Tyler” the girl with a muggle father who left when she was six, a borderline alcoholic witch for a mother who tried her best to give Penny everything she needed to be successful in life, and one or two friends at London School who were there when she needed them, but never suffocated her. She was okay being the girl that no one knew existed, or cared about if they did. In fact, she almost loved that fact. She didn’t have to talk in class, she didn’t need to act like a good friend or pretend that she cared about other people. Everything seemed, for once, to be going alright. Then, of course, her mom fell in love (or so she claimed).

★ Augustine Nott came from a long line of pureblood wizards, and with that came a lot of gold and a big reputation, one that her mother was more than happy to become a part of. Parties every weekend and fancy gifts delivered to their dilapidated doorstep; those were the things that Mrs. Tyler lived for, and suddenly they were all hers. The wedding was fast, unexpected, and huge -- married in June of 1974. The gossip that followed it was even bigger. Penny’s mother was nothing to the pureblood family that Augustine came from; she was trash, and by association so was Penny. Nevermind that she didn’t want to live in his lavish house with his House Elf and seven bedrooms and four and a half baths. She was her mother’s daughter, and she was going to be known for it. She had a name to uphold now, there were people (her peers) that she had to socialize with and parties she had to attend, and no matter how much she wished that going to Hogwarts for her 1st year would change that, she found out it only got worse.  

★ Silas Nott entered the world at only 6lbs 6oz a year after the wedding. Yet the tiniest of things, make the largest impacts. The maddening part about it all was, Penny never wanted any part of it, yet it was clear, when it came to her new baby brother, she was the person who cared the most. And being away at Hogwarts, away from him, and knowing the care that he was in (trust her, she’d grown up with Vera Tyler as a mother herself), only added to the stress. It led to outbursts in lessons, physical altercations with other students in the corridors, and a foul mouth on the quidditch pitch. Penny was kicked from the quidditch team -- one she even captained as a Seeker. But that was the only consequence she ever faced among all the incidents in her years at Hogwarts. She hated the privilege her name brought, but at least she didn’t have to kiss away her dreams of being an Auror. Penny’s currently in her last year of the Auror Academy. And while her dreams are soon to come true, she has more goals now. In her heart, she knows the influence Silas was under could forever change him. Her endgame was to have custody of him. No matter what it took.

★ It was undeniable that Penny took after her mother, the way she fell quick, hard, and deep for a wizard. Ten years her senior, Andrew Porter worked tirelessly as a well trained Hit Wizard. They’d met as soon as Penny entered the academy. It even being on her very first day had her thinking, perhaps fate did exist, and they weren’t all aimlessly wandering about. They were engaged only three months later, with a rushed wedding following everything else. But to Penny, this wasn’t rushing. This was love and why would she wait for love? But this romance was a whirlwind for a reason. The first year -- marital bliss. Nothing but surprise dates, apartment shopping, and they even got a dog together. The second year, things began to fizzle out. But, that’s what Penny had expected. That’s what she’d been taught her whole life, watching her mother go through men. The excitement wore off as you entered the “normal stage”. But what about arguing every week, sleeping in different beds, and deciding to work overtime was normal?

★ She’d learned he’d lied about a few things since meeting -- all to make himself seem... superior. Did this man have a God complex? Was this relationship only feeding his ego? At times, it’s all it felt like, when she wasn’t being made to feel crazy. There was nothing but a sense of false security and though Penny did not quit a thing in her life, she had to escape. This was not setting any better example for Silas, after all. And wasn’t her baby brother the priority in her life? Penny had wasted so much of herself admiring this man, for nothing in return. He hadn’t helped build up Penny’s self-love, not once, and it was as soon as she realized that, did she file for divorce finally. This was in November of 1979 and while the divorce isn’t yet finalized, Penny is out of their house and has avoided all contact with him since. Recently, she’s couch surfing with her dog as she searches for a new place to live and trying to find a sense of purpose again.

TRAITS

✓ athletic; independent; adventurous  ✗ bitter; aloof; quick-tempered

EXTRA FUN STUFFS

whale HELLO! this is the love of my life penny tyler, comin’ atcha with a fresh face and backstory!!! i wanted an old character to connect with all da older bbs ~ so everyone come at me, but definitely da “older” crew!!

her about page & pinterest

is a few months away from becoming an official auror! so we will soon be responding to all the fuckin war crimes that yall be committing in this universe DLKFALKJLSKDF;J hit us up if you ever need anything auror related! 

penny is definitely ACAB but you gotta fight the system from the inside!!! she also has this antiquated dream that she is going to “save the world one day”

grew up rather poor and doesnt take shit for granted much because of it

she can be a bit Intense or Abrasive so i APOLOGIZE in advance! i do not support physical violence but ms penny says what u gonna do about it punk !! maybe it’s cuz she’s a sag idk dont perceive us basically

she also has attended a lot of pureblood events and parties since her mum got married in ‘74. so!!! connections there too >: )

has currently been couch surfing since her divorce! so if you’re one of those couches, hmu :)

is craaaaazzzzyyyyyy about music!!! has a vinyl collection thats p much her pride and joy and what most of her money has gone into over the years

picked the “ugliest” dog at the shelter and made it hers!!! her name is blair lol

okay i think i got what i needed to out but yeah!! IM HYPE YEET

[reeesea]

Something Sweet: Part Seven

~sweet home~

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

pairing: minsung, han jisung/lee minho

warning: mild language

words: 4.7k

summary:  Home is where your bros at right? right.

a/n: I actually like this chapter, shocker. i hope you enjoy 

ao3

----------------

Minho stared at the video file sitting on his computer, on the familiar application site that had been haunting his mind for the past couple years. The debate he found himself in with himself on whether or not to submit another application, had become his default subject of thought for much of the past few weeks. All building up to right now. Something had tipped the scale though. Something that reminded him if he didn't submit an entry this year, that he might as well have given up on his one dream. His one goal. The only thing that had been keeping him motivated through university. So once again he found himself rationalizing, and knew that if anything he had to try, at least just one last time. 

Upload complete, Thank you for your entry!

Minho sighed loudly. He had sent it in. The first part of the application. It was just a basic dance routine supplied by the academy. He had practice and recorded it all within one sitting. Having been a part of a dance crew for much of the past year had allowed him to quickly pick up choreography and perfect it. The other reason being that he wanted more than anything to get the overbearing presence of the audition tape out of his head space as soon as possible. A heavy sigh left his lips as he laid back down on the studio floor, not too long after a ping of his phone revived just enough for him to check his messages.

[Rich Boy Han Jisung]

2:50 pm

Minho-hyung!

I hope your day has been going well~

Sadly, no updates on when ill be free :/ 

They’re working us hard for the debut

It’s alright Ji, work hard!

You better be taking care of yourself tho...

4:03 pm (new)

Have you heard this song? Made me think of you :)

{link attached}

I hope you like it!!!!

Oh, no i havent

I’ll give it a listen ^-^

As of late it wasn’t uncommon for Jisung to send the older songs he thought he would like. Always saying some cheesy line that was so blatantly sweet it made Minho flustered everytime. This time of course was no exception. 

Ping.

HYUNG THAT EMOJI

Asjdnjsfma

I knew I was rubbin goffon you 

Kkkkk

Dont get too ahead of yourself 

atleast I can still type coherent sentences

~goffon~ 

Boo :p

Why Jisung was so persistent about sending him songs was lost on the older, but it was a sweet reminder that someone was thinking about him. It had been a while since Minho had even imagined that someone took a few minutes of their day to actually consider how he was doing. It didn't quite make sense to him that suddenly out of nowhere, there was his boy, man, person, who purposefully took the time to dedicate brain cells to his existence. Wild. 

Minho hurriedly clicked the link to the song that Jisung had sent. It was an upbeat song, with a strong but subtle strumming of a guitar to keep the song’s pace just quick enough to be comfortable. “There's no one else that could ever hold me like you do.” The lyrics were in the realm of positive longing and companionship, but the dips into minor chords and tone of the singer created a mood of desperation. More than anything, the song brought forth a story to Minho. One that he could see with his eyes close and feel his body wanting to move to. 

A smile stretched across his face, as he rose from his spot on the floor, dusting off the dull ache and pressure in his shoulders from having just finished a routine not even 10 minutes ago. 

“But I know that I'd be crazy, Not to wanna be the one to keep you up all night”

Woah there Jisung, at least take me out to dinner first. He made a mental note to tease the younger later about his “Made me think of you :)” line later. Already stretching and drawing a plan in his head, Minho took his phone and saved the song, pressing the repeat button twice, to allow the guitar chords and chorus harmonies to carry on endlessly. A smirk stretched into an excited smile. Not wanting to jinx himself, a shy “finally” was whispered in the back of Minho’s mind at the surge of inspiration, but not spoken aloud just yet.

---

Flashing lights, heavy makeup, hot clothing, and too much fog from the smoke machine is all Jisung had thought about for the last couple hours. 3RAHCHA was in their last photo shoot for their debut. The concept photos would be released later through the week, slowly revealing the three members and their group as officially signed with JJP ent. 

The multicolor lights had been running through his vision for so long that as soon as he walked into their Green Room, he had almost forgotten what color everything actually was. Looking in the mirror he saw the blonde highlighted streaks in his hair had settled nicely, slightly slicked back. The stylist had surely done their jobs well. Painting the three rappers up to look less like the nightcrawlers they were, and into something that leather and fishnet clad superstars might look like was definitely a challenge. Jisung had his makeup done just enough to give his eyes a smoky look to them, and grey contacts to emphasize his gaze. The ensemble he had on looked like something that had come straight from a catwalk. Fishnets crawling up his arms from his gloved hands and an asymmetrical shit he for sure would not have been able to put on without the help of his stylist-noona. All that plus some leather pants and combat boots, he definitely looked more like his persona J.One than the notorious hoodie clad couch potato named Jisung he usually found himself as. 

Having just finished his own solo shoot, he signaled Changbin to head on to the set as he returned. The older nodded from his chair in front of the makeup station, as the artist finished the final touches to his eyeliner. Jisung watched as the shorter rapper walked out to the set in a white puffer jacket that he somehow pulled off, even with the bright red pants he wore. A part of Jisung was thankful his stylist hadn’t taken that many liberties with his outfit, but the makeup and outfit Changbin wore really only emphasized his intimidating stare and the wideness of his shoulders. It was undeniable that their concept photos would come out well. 

Chan, who was seated on a couch, eating some of the provided sandwiches, was already hunched over his computer and mixing equipment again, airpods in. Probably working on tracks for their third comeback knowing him. Not wanting to jump right back into work Jisung snagged a few snacks from the buffet and found a chair he could lay on. Listening to music that wasn't work had become a rarity for Jisung in the years he had been with 3RACHA. Of course he always tried to stay on top of the recent pop and hip hop trends, but straying any farther than his trusty morning and workout playlists was more than unlikely. 

Lately though, Jisung found himself looking through a lot of random indie, alternative, “western” pop, and especially dance music. The versatility of the genres was comforting to Jisung in the rather turbulent state his emotions and mental state have been in, as the debut approached. Also Minho. Meeting Minho definitely had introduced a whole new set of feelings Jisung was still working on navigating. As he listened to the different songs that populated this radio, he told himself he was just looking for some inspiration for his lyrics and 3RACHA’s new music, but even he knew that was mostly a lie. 

Ever since that night at the bar with Minho he found himself always considering the older and what he would think of a song or how he would dance to it, or if he would even like it. After pointing out that he liked a particularly upbeat pop song with melancholic lyrics, during their impromptu karaoke session, Jisung had been delvinging into all related categories to find songs he thought the older might enjoy. He wanted more than anything to inspire his older companion? Partner? (that was a later Jisung question.) but he wanted to repay the man who had allowed him to get out of his creative slump. That night, as soon as the youngest rapper had returned to the 3RACHA “house” he felt the start of at least 5 separate tracks and choruses appear in his brain. His two hyungs jumped into action along with him as Jisung desperately tried to write and record everything that was jumping out of his brain at once. 

Jisung remembered Chan’s smile and encouraging words as he fitted a few of his new verses to songs they had previously put on the shelf. After finding a particularly emotional but upbeat song he immediately wanted to send it to Minho. He always got hung up on what to say with the link. Other than the thought vomit that occurred every time he chooses to send him a potentially good song: “Found this song? U Like???” No Jisung, what are you five?? “I think you will enjoy this song. Please give it a listen? :0” No that just sounds desperate. 

“You doing alright there Ji, I can hear you sighing through my earbuds?” Chan peeked out from under his styled bangs with a raised eyebrow, sending Jisung into a red embarrassed mess that he had been caught. He hoped his layers of foundation would cover it up. 

“Yeah fine fine, don't worry. I’m FINE.” Attempting to hide Jisung curled up tighter into his arm chair. Just be casual Jisung it's a song not a marriage proposal dear god. “Have you heard this song? Made me think of you :)” Good, yes fine. Send.

Minho responded immediately and cutely with an emoji that made his heart jump a little. Minho would respond always with a variation of a “Thanks! I’ll go listen”, but Jisung had yet to receive any confirmation that the older actually enjoyed the links he sent, much less had found some inspiration in them. At this point the only thing he could do was hope. He wanted nothing more than Minho to be smiling because of him.

--

Officially exhausted, it wasn’t until late when the 3RACHA boys had finally made it back to their apartment. The day Jisung had, had been anything but short. Almost collapsing immediately on the couch. Sana notified them that she had already ordered food to be delivered for dinner and that they should go to bed as soon as they had finished eating. Chan looked like he was about to pass out on the couch before the food even arrived, which was more than likely at this point. After their shoot they were immediately sent to a few other meetings laying out their marketing and schedule plans for the upcoming weeks. Although glad they were able to part with their artistic and career decisions with their company, it did add a lot of work and responsibilities to the trio. 

Jisung’s phone had died somewhere after meeting 3 of 5 and he had submitted to having to carry the lifeless brick with him anyway. Not ideal for his wandering mind and anxiety that comes with a few too many stressful meetings. Once finally arriving home he went and plugged his phone in at the charger on the kitchen counter. Lighting up with notification buzzes as it rebooted back to life. 

[ 5 new messages from Lee Minho hyungie]

Immediately cursing himself internally for not bringing his charger with him, he opened his messages from Minho ignoring all others. 

[Lee Minho hyungie]

5:45 pm

Hey Jisungie, just finished up practice!

Actually may or may not have danced to the song u sent…

Maybe I’ll show you some day hehehehehehehehe ;)

7:21 pm

Han Jisung, did you forget your charger again >:/ 

Well I’m off to my late shift, I hope you have a good night~

Jisung always found himself smiling at Minho’s before work texts. They were always so cute. Either some sort of sweet well wishing or some other Minho-esque goodbye, along the lines of “don’t die mysteriously while i'm gone ;p” or “Have a good night, try not to miss my WONDERFUL company too much <3”. (The hearts always made Jisung grin hard, even if they were sarcastic)

This night though, Jisung found him almost jumping in victory at Minho’s text. 

[Lee Minho hyungie]

12:35 am

YOU DANCED TO THE SONG

Really?!?!?!

What did you like about it? 

When can I see????

You better not leave me on read after work!

Jisung tried to imagine what kind of dance Minho would do to the track he sent,and suddenly found himself flush at the thought of watching the other dance. Somehow, watching Minho dance, felt more intimate than any other situation that they’ve shared. Thankfully Minho seemed to want to hold off, so at least of the time being Jisung’s heart was safe. The exhaustion and stress from the day faded ever so slightly as soon as he thought of Minho with coordinating blush to match. 

Jisung you lovestruck fool.

“Jisung! Food’s here!!! If you don't hurry Chan’ll eat your portion again.”

“HEY! It was one time.” Laughter filled the apartment gently as they all respectively fought gravity to get up and make their way to collect the food from the delivery man.  

---

Minho tore up the stairs and through their apartment door as quickly as he could without spilling the carry out food he had in his arms. The clock was ticking a little past midnight and fear set in that the older would miss their planned celebrations. 

Bursting through the door, “Did I beat him?!” The oldest was frazzled from rushing in order to beat their third roommate home from work.

“Barely! I was afraid you wouldn’t make it, with having to bring the carry out.” Hyunjin’s sigh of relief was visible throughout the boy's now relaxed body. He had spent the last ten minutes hoping that they would still be able to pull off their surprise party for the youngest. Pacing around and failing to come up with any backup plans if Minho had been later than Felix. Thankfully for them both, Minho had a way of always being on time. 

“Hey all that matters is I made it. Is everything else ready?” Looking around Minho could see that Hyunjin’s bed was transitioned back into the couch setting and that the floors had been tidied up. A couple stray balloons littered the floor as well as a home made “happy birthday felix” sign hung from their living room screen divider. 

“Yep, I've just been waiting anxiously for you to get home for the past half hour.”

The door handle of their apartment began to jiggle, signaling the two boys to spring into action. Minho setting down the carry out, and Hyunjin frantically lights candles on the small cake on the coffee table. The door swung open, revealing a disheveled after-work Felix wandering through the door. As soon as the boy turned toward their living room, he was accosted with shouts and the flailing limbs of his hyungs. 

“Surprise!!!” “Happy Birthday!!!” 

Felix’s smile erased any of the signs of exhaustion off his face immediately as soon as he spotted his hyungs excited expressions. The cake, the streamers, the balloons, and sign all sparked some joyful tearing of his eyes as he set down his things and made his way to the small cake with a few random lit candles on top. The clock had crossed over into the next day as Felix had made his way home, that he had almost forgotten that it was now technically the early morning hours of his birthday. Coming home to joyful cheers instead of their usual exhausted silence had given him a certain happiness that he hadn’t realized he was missing. 

For all of three of the roommates this was their first time having a celebration in their small home together. By now the sense of home was undeniable and without realizing it all of them had begun to consider each other and their shared 3 room apartment, home. 

The disjointed singing of happy birthday followed by the laughter and conversation surrounded their coffee table as the three enjoyed their small carryout feast and cake. The warmth that their company gave each other lasted well into the night.

“Hyung! It's my birthday, stop eating all the cake!!!” 

“I have no idea what youre talking about Lixie.” Minho says while actively taking another bite of their 2 person sized cake. 

“Hyung!” The laughter of the oldest filled the room followed by the other two’s not too long after.

“Happy Birthday Lixie~” The smile hadn’t left the freckled boys faces since he had sat down, and remained as he pulled his two roommates into a forceful hug. It was his birthday so the boys both submitted to the clingy nature of their third roommate, as always.

---

It was late into the early morning by the time Minho had checked his phone. 

[ 5 new messages from Rich Boy Han Jisung]

A soft pang of guilt hits his chest after reading the younger’s texts and realizing that he did in fact leave the other on read for the better part of the last two hours.  

2:43 am 

I’m so sorry Sungie!

We were celebrating Felix’s birthday, and I didnt check my phone…. 

Look at the cute cake we got him!

{photo attached}

Minho sent the selfie of the three of them with Felix’s cake, if anything just to lessen the guilt in his chest. Hoping that the cuteness of Felix’s smile would be enough to forgive him for low key ghosting him for a few hours. Minho knows that on the days Jisung has the most schedules are the hardest for him mentally, and he always tries his best to be there for him and send him a message or two to lessen the load on those nights. The fact that he hadn’t been there tonight filled him with some worry. A part of him hoped that the younger would’ve been asleep by now but their late night track record did not exactly support that. 

---

Jisung had been lying painfully awake in his bed for an hour when he heard the buzz of his phone. Slightly upset with his body for not giving into the exhaustion he had gathered from the day, and just letting him sleep, he turned to the side table to check the messages. Awake fully ,but only mentally half conscious, he read through his messages:

Minho. Oh, yay, it's Minho.

Felix’s Birthday. Oh right he had mentioned that coming up.

Cute cake. Aw that cake is really cute… wait. 

Birthday.

I have one of those, around this time to- 

I missed my birthday. I forgot my birthday. Everyone forgot.

The cute picture Minho had sent was so filled with happiness that Jisung almost let the pain slide and pass the moment by. But something just didn't feel right in letting himself forget his own birthday. The fact that the others hadn’t remembered didn’t bother him too much. Chan, Changbin, they were all busy with schedules and he can't blame them. Especially since he, himself had forgotten. No birthday text from his family either. Unsurprising though since he rarely got in contact with them since moving to Korea in high school. He forgot though. 

He wasn’t quite sure why this was bothering him so much. Some people don't even celebrate their birthday, or remember how old they are, but Jisung had always prided himself on never letting his work take over entirely who he was. To exhausted-Jisung, he couldn’t help but feel like this was one step toward losing the grip on who he was, and that was in itself, terrifying. 

The coldness of his bed and the dark expanse of his room seemed to only perpetuate the way Jisung felt. Floating, alone, lost. His insecurity was starting to come into focus, and no wonder it had been keeping him up. He had been spiraling for days probably, without even knowing it. The buzz of his phone lit up his face, snapping him out of his own thoughts for a moment. 

[Lee Minho hyungie]

2:50 pm 

You okay Jisung? 

I hope I didn't wake you

Jisung noticed that the app had revealed that he had read the messages and was indeed awake. Unfortunately, exhausted-and--spirling-Jisung was the only one present enough to send a response. Hopefully Minho wouldn’t mind him too much. 

You didn’t wake me, was already up :/ 

It looks really fun hyung

I just realized something too

My birthday was yesterday

I forgot it

Jisung found himself fighting the watering of his eyes as he sent those messages. Why was he crying? He just forgot, he was busy. It was okay. Right? The tears seemed to only cloud his vision more, blocking him from reading the messages from Minho that were buzzing and populating the screen. Not bothering to wipe his eyes, he let them blurr.

Wh- do you- mea- ???

Jis--ng ar- y-- ok--?

I-- sorry i- di-nt -----

---- wa-t --- ca-l?

--sung?

A few moments passed, without him realizing it, as his phone buzzed some more, screen changing to the incoming call screen. Sucking up his tears and drying his damp screen, it took a few tries before answering the call.

---

“Jisung!?” Jisung nearly flinched, just nearly. 

“Hi hyung, How was work?” hoping to cover up his tears by changing the subject. Jisung thought it was a pretty good attempt.

“How wa- what, no. Jisung are you okay?” There it was again. The undeniable worry in Minho’s voice. Ow. 

“Yeah I’m okay.” Despite Jisung’s efforts it was obvious to Minho that the other had in fact been crying. Not wanting to push the younger though, he allowed him to change the subject

“.... okay, I just want to check in on you. I worry you know, Sung!” 

“About me? that's silly hyung.” The distance in his tone replaced Jisung’s usual brightness, and it hurt Minho to hear it. 

“I don't think so. How am I to know what my favorite customer is up to? You may be a soon to be rap star but that doesn’t keep you from ignoring your hyung.” Even though Jisung giggled at that, the irony of the statement wasn’t lost on Minho. A wave of guilt washed over his chest as soon as he said it. 

“I am sorry though. For not answering sooner and everything.” 

And for reminding you of your birthday, and making you cry, and not being there to make you smile.

“No don’t be sorry! That’ll only make me feel worse for bothering you… I think the exhaustion was just making me delirious, I haven't been sleeping well these past few nights.” Minho had to fight his initial protective instincts that told him to scold the younger for not taking care of himself, because a part of him knew that the younger was certainly trying his best to do so. 

“Well if you can’t sleep ever, just call me okay? I’m usually up from my shifts anyway. Plus if I'm not up surely one of my roommates is. Felix will probably never let go of you once he finds your birthday brothers." Hearing Minho's laugh lightened the tight pressure that Jisung hadn't realized had been settled in his chest.

"Okay hyung, i'd like that I think."

"You better. My time rarely comes free, and this is a limited time offer." Jisung’s laugh is a little bit more enthusiastic this time. 

“Of course hyung.” A silence came over them for a moment. Not an awkward one, more of a point of realization and relief. Like the feeling after having a good cry, in Jisung’s case. 

“Happy belated birthday Jisung.” 

“Thanks hyung… Did you have a fun time with Felix?” 

“Yeah! It was actually a lot of fun. Just some carry out and cake after work, but it was good to relax with them. We don't always have free time together, and haven’t had the chance to celebrate anything until now. Hyunnie luckily found a cake on sale at the mart today, sparking this whole thing.” 

Minho remembered the frantic call from the younger as he delved into his plans for giving Felix the “perfect surprise birthday celebration” because he had “found the perfect cake to match Felix’s cuteness.” It was on sale. Also because “Come on Min-hyung Felix would absolutely do the same for us.” Explaining the situation to Jisung really did solidify the fact that Minho knew Felix, would in fact, plan some adorable birthday celebration for the older two if given the opportunity. 

“What would you guys have done if he hadn't found the cake?”

“I’m not sure maybe it would’ve just been a carry-out celebration.”

“Still sounds really nice hyungie. You and your roommates seem so close.” 

“I suppose shared rent does that to people.” Minho laughed it off but he had begun to cherish the brotherly bond that had grown between his roommates. 

Not having ever considered it before, the fact that the roommates were only able to buy a cake because it happened to be on sale, revealed to Jisung that their financial situations may have been farther apart than he realized. Money had never been a barrier that Jisung had to face, always having family (or honestly Changbin) help pay for his living and pursuit of his dreams. Sure he’s had part time jobs in the past but he never found himself worrying about not making enough each month. Not going to university definitely was a large factor in maintaining his “affordable” lifestyle.

“It's nice you do things for each other. I can't remember the last time my hyungs and I have done something together that didn't have to do with our music.” Jisung started to feel some sort of jealousy at the closeness that Minho and his roommate had found in each other. Financial guilt and emotional jealousy are a strange combination for a half conscious Jisung to say the least. 

“Are those fools not taking care of my Sung properly? Illegal, tell them to call me I have to yell at them too. They better not be working you too hard.” 

‘My Sung’ Jisung almost choked. Almost. 

“Nonono Hyung! They take care of me fine, we're all just exhausted with work.”

“Hmmmm okay they get a pass this time, but please relay my threat.”

“Okay okay I will.” 

“You should probably get some rest soon. You're busy tomorrow right?” 

Jisung yawned in response, which was enough convincing for Minho that he needed to rest. 

“Okay looks like it's sleepy time for hardworking Jisung~”

“Wait hyung!” Jisung wasn’t quite ready to sleep yet, even though his body was actively fighting him.

“Yes belated birthday boy?”

“Thank you for not letting me be a sad gremlin all night. It would've been nice to have spent my birthday with you, but you still made me feel better.”

The musings of sleepy Jisung were just about enough to let the fondness burst from Minho’s chest. As much as he continues to hide it, the fondness still seeps into his voice, “Of course, Jisung we always have next year.” A promise he wasn’t sure he could keep but Jisung always made him want to try new things. 

“Next year?” The sleepiness had definitely taken over, making his voice much softer than his usual bright edge. 

“Yes next year... Goodnight Sungie, call me back if you can't sleep okay.”

“Mmkay, G’night hyungie.” Already half asleep by the time he hung up, Minho was glad that the younger was finally able to rest. Glancing at his roommates huddled together on the couch already drifting off, Minho accepted that it was his turn to finally rest knowing that all his younger companions were all safely sleeping. Hyung instincts he supposes.

-----

one ~ two ~ three ~ four ~ five ~ six ~ seven ~ eight ~ nine

[petewentzisblack1312]

Hi… I wanted to ask this on anon so I didn’t ask on your personal, idk if this is too personal or anything to ask but

Do you have a problem with people saying they have a mental disorder if they don’t have a diagnosis? Like for me so… I have been diagnosed with anxiety but I am like 99% sure I have bipolar disorder. And like I know you can’t diagnose me so I’m not going to go into depth with my symptoms but ever since I was like, 11, I used to get very depressed to the point where I contemplated ending it but then i would snap out of it and I think for me my manic phase are hypomanic bc ive never experienced like the full range of those symptoms but my depressive phases get very rough esp if I have external stressors but it will go through what I assume to be these phases like sometimes within the day esp if I have a stressor.

I am in nursing school and I work at a psych hospital so like this isn’t coming out of nowhere, I am very familiar with all mental disorders and it was actually during my psych nursing class and learning about bipolar disorder that I was like… hm… why does this feel like a mirror right now. I am aware I should get to a therapist and get an actual diagnosis (if I had money I would lol) but like idk. Idk if it’s worth going to my doctor at my physical and being like “hey I think I have this” I am lucky enough now that I am in a good place and can manage my symptoms but I am terrified I will go through a stressor again and lose it so idk. I mean I feel like I already know the answer but I wanted to ask anyway to see your take :/

Anyway idk as a future medical professional I think self diagnosis got a bad rep and it’s like idk I think for mental disorders esp you can tell if you have anxiety and it’s a persistent problem. You can tell if you have depression. I know bipolar disorder is harder to diagnose but idk I think since I’m in the field it’s easier? Idk I felt like a sense of relief with learning about it and finding similarities and being like “well maybe that’s why I’m like that”. But idk now I’m feeling uneasy bc I don’t have a diagnosis and I don’t want to be like, stepping over people who were diagnosed. Thank you in advance if you read all this and yeah I’m sorry I know it’s a lot and this is controversial

ok this is a long post so im putting it under a cut but tldr, no i dont have a problem with it. it doesnt matter if you actually have an illness, it matters if you find a solution to your problem. if treating yourself like you have a certain condition makes it easier to go through life, then keep doing what works for you, you are doing nothing wrong. this all goes for physical and mental illnesses.

im a firm proponent of self diagnosis. i wouldnt be here if i didnt have the confidence to research mental illnesses and advocate for myself. as someone who is extremely familiar with the medical profession on account of being the daughter of a doctor and a nurse and spending my childhood running around a hospital, im extremely privileged to even have the knowledge and ability to do so, and i try to bear in mind the understandable hesitancy of people without this advantage. i know that you are well within your right to refuse medication that makes you sick, i know that you can complain about a doctor that isnt listening to you, i know that you are allowed and encouraged to be adamant about things you are told dont matter, and in addition to that, i have a VERY well known doctor and a nurse in my corner, and i am STILL treated as though i do not understand my own experiences enough to have any authority more often than i am not.

the reason self diagnosis gets a bad rep imo is because people have constructed this boogeyman of the worst case scenario, people collecting mental illnesses they dont have for attention as opposed to what it is, people doing research into their experiences and making theories on what they have so they can manage it. youll often see the take of "i dont hate self dxd i just hate people who do it for attention" and i think thats very irresponsible considering a symptom of many mental illnesses is thinking youre faking it and doing it for attention, nevermind the fact that attention seeking behaviour is literally a symptom of many mental illnesses people often dont want to empathize with. gatekeeping whos illness is real just keeps people who need help out. i could go into an anarchist screed about democratizing health, but basically, as someone whos life has been saved by my insistence on self diagnosis, and whos life has been made significantly easier by treating myself as though i have the conditions that i theorize i have, self diagnosis saves lives, and i, as an advocate for disabled people of all kinds on my island, will never put any conditionals on self diagnosis. it doesnt matter if you find the right name for your problem, it matters if you find a solution that works. i have yet to meet any of these fabled people who never try to receive a professional opinion, only people who literally cant.

as for feeling guilty, ill repeat how i opened this answer: it does not matter what exactly your problem is, it matters that you find a solution that works. in medicine generally, there will be a wide spectrum of problems with overlapping treatments, things which are similar but distinct, things which look identical but are completely different and at different levels of concern. it doesnt really matter which grab bag of bullshit your brain is reaching from, it matters that you know how to deal with what it throws at you, whatever that may be. dont worry about getting it right, worry about getting it working. okay?

for advice on how to deal with doctors, its helpful to pose it as a hypothetical as opposed to an absolute. when i bring up things im dealing with that i have a theory about i say "i think i have x" or "i think i might have x" or "i have a lot of symptoms of x". doctors are often egotistical and are easily challenged so it helps to pose it at a problem they can solve as opposed to one youve solved for them otherwise they get spooked. in my experience posing it this way leads them to actually interrogate this line of symptoms, and theyll ask you why you think that, and you can bring up symptoms that led you to that conclusion, and ones that give you trouble especially. for example, ive said "i think i may have autism or adhd? or both" to several doctors, and they either agree with me (i believe its been put in my file as a possibility now although i cant get an official test done due to financial and resource restrictions) or they ask why i think so, and i detail what i believe is due to my autism. its small, but this reframing helps a lot.

i think this covers all you said but my head is empty as hell.

[klaus-is-the-real-number-1]

TUA Unpopular opinions?

Don’t get me wrong, i love the show but there are a few things that i dont like/ dont make sense to me so i wanted to have a little rant about it but im gonna do it under a read more so you all dont have to listen to me ramble so,

Em’s TUA unpopular (?) opinions (about s1 maybe but mostly s2):

I personally felt like they dumbed down Diego and in s2, i dont understand how he went from being in love and absolutely devastated about patchs death and then just completely forget about her and suddenly become in love with lila in what? 70 days? to me it felt like a cop out way of introducing Lila to the hargreeves.

 After 3 years sober klaus didn’t improve his powers at all??? like yeah we saw in the opening scene him using the ghosts to his advantage then that was it, there was no evident improvement to his powers except more control with ben. Surely hed be seeing more ghosts, having control over more ghosts or just anything,, but we didnt get that at all. I personally felt like he had more to do in s1 with his powers and we saw some great progression, we saw as he got sober when he was getting tortured he started seeing more ghosts then used them to his advantage and he literally died and came back to life.

At this point its becoming very inconsistent with him seeing the ghosts that hazel and cha cha have killed but not five??? or lila??? especially since he was sober (at least for a few days) in s1 and in s2 he just didn’t see any ghosts other than ben? 

 The writers keep writing Five out when its convenient to them and its just becoming,,, anoying?? theyve made him too powerful but instead of actually letting him use his powers with his siblings they just send him away to do something else when if he was there it would be completely avoidable. and when hes actually in these fight scenes they dumb him down, hes the most efficient assassin ever, hes the best assassin ever yet whenever hes in one of these fight scenes they make him do some very untatical skills that he just wouldn’t do

Number5theboy did a very good post about this

Allison has such a huge potential as a character and its frustrating how much her character is basically nothing like her comic character. some people may be happy about the fact shes nothing like her character but it just?? doesnt sit right with me. She was a bad bitch in the comics yet the only similarities from comic to tv was her relationship with luther (which in the comic she rumours him to being in love with her, not even them just being in love), her daughter and that she got her throat slit by vanya.

and to be honest she is a bit of a bitch in the comics and i really wanted to see more of that, like i appreciate her story development in the show but i wanted to see her and five and the whole story line of her and him and the involvement in JFK, i wanted to see that development in their relationship, her getting her voice back because of Five and the commission, her having some involvement with his assasination

now i know that they would not be able to make her pretend to be jackie, physically it would not happen but there could of been all sorts they could of done but instead they just wrote it all out and it peeved me off

it would of completely changed some of the sibling dynamics and it would be super interesting for diego have to deal with the fact his own sibling killed JFK

Five not eating carmicheal, there was other ways they couldve gotten lila to find the files and they ripped a great scene from the show to give it to a character that wasnt even in the comics

the fact that Five didn’t shoot vanya in the head and say “I never liked you” because he would be trying to break her powers basically, then vanya loosing all her memories when they travelled, five could do the whole be soft and then him saying “you really dont remember anything, do you?” and then her regaining her memory, i think it would be great personally

also five just being a dick, because he is in the comics, and i know its not the comics but if he’d of had the scene before him and allison go to the commission he opens up to allison about his commission time

im a gazelle and the jungle is my home is an iconic line and was yet again missed out

a topic i am affraid to talk about, lila: (this may be kinda long)

i do not like lila as a character, i dont like how she treats diego and exploits him and acts like everything is fine (she drugged and kidnapped him??!!??) and what the fuck are her powers

her entire character doesnt make sense, they just needed someone powerful to fight vanya and five

when did she even have the time to figure out her powers, Five clearly does not recognise her and neither do the other siblings so theres no chance she was able to practice during the commission because Five obviously wasnt around. And then she can just use them perfectly??? doesnt make sense to me

and i know some people love lila but she just grates me the wrong way

and now the writers have came across another problem of making her too powerful for her own good

and there was no clear build up to her powers, i wish they wouldve just introduced a new power because it would be so much less confusing

where does she fit in the timeline as well because five went on that mission with the handler but then just wasnt around for the next 25ish years when she was raising her??? 

the writers have bitten off more than they can chew with her i think and i will be very impressed if they somehow manage to pull it off

she just felt very random and forced into the show in my opinion

The fact that no one mentions fives actual open wounds that he probably still has, last i checked an actual shrapnel wound doesnt heal in what? 14 days? but they just ignored it i guess

in s1 Five not getting reggies monocle, just having diego throw it into the ocean im?? like why?? for what??? 

luther being in love with allison feels very slightly one sided when in the comic she!! rumoured!!! him!!!!

she basically didnt use her powers for anything useful and when she was about to lila used her power of imitation??? to rumour allison instead

kinda what i talked about earlier but five being the main plot driver until its inconvenient to the writers and then they make him dumb it frustrates me to no end

i just dont understand why they couldnt have lila with a brand new power, not just mimicking because it doesnt make sense and then she has the ability to use it perfectly when she wouldnt actually have any experience in using it??? if the writers are literally going to add christopher the cube they could of given her a better power

all the siblings basically just dismiss five, all the time, the only sibling through the show who have actually done something for five is Klaus in s1 when he literally smashed a snowglobe into his head for five and didnt even know why they were there. Even when luther goes with five he straight away sides with older five and like?? i understand it was a funny thing to add in but even then like its just odd

young five and old five not really having the same energy, its really minor but the five in s1 does not match the energy of old five in s2 when hes just about to go to 2019 

these are all just my opinion and just something i wanted to get off my chest, if you dont agree with these its completely valid.

[ad1thi]

i just called to say, i love you

dont let the title fool you this isnt fluffy at all

--

an au where the phone reaches before tony has fully recovered

post cacw, angst, past stony, 5+1, implied rhodeytony. the 5 times steve called and the one time tony did(nt)

--

1.

The first time it rings, Tony doesn't pick up.

No thats not right

Tony can't pick up, because he's just woken up from a 3 month coma and is currently breathing through a tube because there's a scar across his chest the size of Steve's shield and he's surrounded by life saving machines and he can't physically reach out and pick it up

He's happy he had the foresight to sign to FRIDAY that she needed to link the phone to her mainframe, because it rings only twice before there's a small click and the room fills with a hesitant

"Tony?"

There's a beat of silence, because Tony can't talk with a tube in his mouth and Steve's voice comes out more frantic

"Tony?"

Tony's saved from garbling a reply through the tube when FRIDAY steps in and says smoothly "Boss is indisposed right now, can I take a message?"

Steve is audibly flustered, Tony can hear him rustling sheets as he sits up, and he imagines its because of the surprise that FRIDAY replied and not him

"Hey FRI, uh is Tony incredibly busy?"

"Like I said, he's indisposed. Can I take a message or should I end the call?" there's a coolness to FRIDAY's tone and Tony absently wonders who taught his girl lip while he was under

"No thats fine," Tony can feel the dejection coming in waves, and there's a small, twisted part of him that's lying on a bed clinging onto his life because of the man on the phone- that still wants to crawl over and give him comfort, "I'll just uh- I'll try later that's alright."

There's a pregnant pause and then Steve's voice filters through again, "Would you tell him I called please?"

And FRIDAY replies, "I'll note it down on his low priority list" and severs the line before Steve can respond

--

2.

The second time it rings, Tony's just gotten back use of his throat. Rhodey has been wheeling in and out of his hospital suite periodically to feed him ice-cubes, and he's too worn down to fight the mother-henning

He's got all these ideas for braces that'll help Rhodey walk, but his hands shake too much and he's too weak to leave his bed, so he lets Rhodey heave himself up on the bed frame, and dutifully opens his mouth for food and water and ice cubes

but Rhodey isn't here and the phone is ringing and Tony can't stop his hands shaking

He manages to sign pick up to FRIDAY's camera in the corner of the room, and there's a soft click and a tentative

"Tony?"

just like last time

and it makes Tony want to laugh, inexplicably, because Steve left a hole in Tony's chest and he's the one who sounds scared while Tony is stuck to a bed

"Yeah Cap?" he croaks out, and he hates how frail he sounds, how obviously weak he is

"Tony? Is everything okay?"

Steve's voice is louder now, like he's holding the phone closer to him, like he cares

"you called?" he says and he's proud of how steady his voice is, how calm it is

"Yeah yeah i did i just," he trails off; and Tony bends closer to the phone until he realises that the call is being played by FRIDAY

"I just wanted to see how you were doing"

There's a hitch in Tony's voice, he knows because Steve says "Tony? Is everything okay?" but he can't breathe and the walls are closing in on him and his senses are dulling and

and someone's holding onto him, tight and steady and Tony leans into it desperately, anchoring himself to the lifeboat

His breath evens out and his vision sharpens, and in stages, he breaths in the musky scent of Rhodey

He loosens the death-grip he has on his shirt, but he doesn't move out

its selfish, so unbelievably selfish, because he knows Rhodey shouldn't be standing on his feet, but nobody ever accused Tony Stark of being a martyr

no, Tony Stark takes and takes and takes, and then he takes some more

His consciousness comes back in stages; and Steve's frantic voice starts getting louder

"Tony sweetheart, fuck sorry, didn't mean to call you that, Tony, are you- are you okay?"

Tony opens his mouth to reply, but Rhodey's dry tone comes out

"He's absolutely fine Captain, not that its any of your concern"

There's a soft thud and Tony knows its because Steve dropped the phone

he doesn't have the energy to smile

"Rhodey, I uh, I didn't realise you were there too"

"I am wherever Tony is, at all times Captain, its what friends do," there's a hitch in Steve's voice, but Rhodey continues like he hasn't heard it, "and its Colonel Rhodes to you"

The line clicks off before Tony can hear Steve's response, and he busies himself running soft circles, loosening his throat long enough to ask

"Is that all we are? friends?" in a hoarse voice

Rhodey doesn't say anything, but he does lean down and press his lips to the corner of Tony's mouth, and that, Tony supposes, is answer enough

--

3.

The third time the phone rings, its been so long, Tony's almost forgotten that the phone exists

Almost

As in its tucked inside one of his drawers, under a bunch of old files and documents, next to a small velvet box he found hiding in Steve's socks that he never got around to throwing away

Almost

As in he curls up next to Rhodey everynight, except the nights when he's looking for someone more muscular, someone blonder, someone who isn't the man sitting next to him

Almost

As in he's healthy and the braces work like a dream and he smiles more than he doesn't, but he still reaches for it sometimes and flips it open just to stare at the screen blankly

The phone rings and it takes him a second to place the sound, before he starts fumbling for anything that vaguely masquerades as a bookmark; thumbs the phone open and holds it to his ear

"Tony?" Steve's voice sounds gruffer, more focused, like he's actually called with a purpose

Despite himself, Tony straightens, and he silently signals for FRIDAY to call Rhodey; this might be an Avengers-level threat and while Tony's healthy- he isn't quite there yet

"Cap," he says neutrally

"Tony oh thank god," Steve's panting on the other end, and Tony physically bites on his tongue to stop himself from asking if he's okay, "Its Bucky"

Tony throws the phone across the room, and it hits the wall just as Rhodey is entering

To his credit, Rhodey barely flinches, he just walks over and maneuvers Tony until he's lying against his chest; fingers carding through his hair

Seconds, minutes, hours later, Tony whispers "he called about Bucky" and Rhodey bends down to press his lips to his forehead and they stay like that until they fall asleep; coccooned in each other's embrace

The next day, T'Challa calls to inform them that Wakanda will officially be initiating proceedings to exonerate James Barnes of all his crimes, and Tony feels a visceral anger until he realises that Steve probably called to give him a heads up

Its progress, evidence that Steve no longer meant to keep things from him, but the pain still burns anyway

--

4.

The phone wakes Tony up from his sleep, trilling and buzzing and Tony groans, flipping it open and pressing it to his ear

"Its ass o'clock in the morning Steve you better be dying or so help me god I'll kill you myself"

"You," he breaks off with a hic, "you called me Steve"

"I didn't think you did that anymore," there's a slur to Steve's speech- strong enough that it percolates through Tony's brain and he sends a silent curse to the entities above because his ex has fucking drunk called him

"Its been over a year Steve," he says softly but firmly, "I've moved on"

"You've, you've moved on?" he sounds so small, like a child who lost his favourite toy; and Tony's heart aches

but not a deep, twisted ache; a milder, softer one- for the man Steve used to be

"Steve," he says patiently, "its 2 o'clock in the morning; why you'd call?"

"I just called," there's a swish of liquid, and Tony has the image of Steve cradling a bottle, curled around the flip- phone burned into his memory, "i just called to say i love you"

"i love you and i miss you and i just-" he sniffles, and something he didn't know was still in him breaks at the thought of Steve crying, "i miss you"

"Steve," he says slowly, "you're drunk, and I'm tired"

"I'm drunk, and I love you," he slurs, "and tomorrow I'll be sober, and I'll still love you"

"goodnight Steve," Tony says and pushes the phone away before he says something he'll regret

--

5.

Its the stupid goddamn flip-phone. Thats how they find him. Tony's taken to keeping it on his person because all his intel says that something big is coming, and he doesn't want to be unprepared, so its not even a thought to slip it into his pockets before he flys to bumfuck Nevada to snoop around an AIM base

and he's so close downloading everything and getting away without detection, when the flip-phone starts ringing, and then all bets are off

"Steve," Tony intones as he bends behind a desk, "this better be important"

Steve says something in reply but its lost in the sound of bullets as Tony runs across the hall and ducks behind a pillar

"Can you say that again, I missed that"

"Tony are you, are you being shot at?" Steve's voice reaches new pitches and Tony shoots at the AIM goons coming 'round the corner before slipping down to the floor below

"I was being shot at," he says plaintively, keeping his voice low as he checks the expansive space, "now im being hunted"

"Why would you pick up when you're being shot at?!" Tony grimaces at his voice

"You did give me this phone for emergencies. I thought maybe this time you were using it for what it was intended. The end of the world waits for - ," he cuts off with a grunt as a bullet hits his leg, hobbling to where Rhodey is waiting with his escape ride

"- no-one," he wheezes out once he's in the car, and Rhodey is breaking a lot more traffic law than he should be comfortable doing

"the end of the world waits for no-one, so why'd you call?"

There's silence on the other end and Tony pulls the phone away from his ear to check the call hasn't accidently been disconnected, before saying "Steve? Are you still there?"

"you told me that I was only saying I love you because I was drunk"

Its so left field that Tony takes a few seconds to place what Steve is referring to, but when he does- he can't stop himself from sighing

"Steve look I - "

"I'm coming back to New York in 10 days," Steve barrels on like Tony hadn't started speaking, "I'm coming back home and I'm sober and I still completely and utterly love you."

"The only question is," and Tony can feel Steve steeling himself, "do you still love me?"

Tony looks over to where Rhodey is driving, petting the scar against his chest absentmindedly.

The scar had not hurt Harry in 19 years he thinks when Rhodey feels his gaze and smiles; but there's a tightness in his fingers and Tony knows that Rhodey heard the whole thing

"Steve I- ," he pauses, "ask me again once you're in town"

The line clicks on the other side, and he reaches out to intertwine his fingers with Rhodey's free hand

"I'm not going to make you choose Tones," Rhodey says softly; and Tony lifts their hands so he can press his lips to Rhodey's calloused hands because he knows

There's a silent countdown in the air that week, and Tony has a mental tally of the days,hours, seconds until Steve is back in New York

Except in the end, it doesn't really matter because 9h, 30 minutes and 4 seconds before Steve is expected to arrive in New York, Tony hitches a ride to space in a donut

--

--

+1

He's seen the news

Of course he's seen the news

Its all anyone's seen, and the only reason why he agreed to the godforsaken detour so that they could pick up Vision and Wanda

It's not that he didn't want to help them, its that he told Wanda not to go but she insisted and now instead of being in New York and saving Tony he's in Scotland, saving the person who was supposed to be looking after Tony

He's seen the news

He knows what's going on

But he still can't stop staring at the flip-phone, willing it to ring

So it honestly shouldn't take him this long to pick up when it actually does ring

"Tony?" he says, and he could cry because tony's okay tony's okay tony's -

"Steve?" thats not tony

"Steve hey its Bruce. Long time. Look I know its been a while and this is all very confusing and I'll answer all your questions later but Steve, Steve you need to come back to New York"

"Where's Tony?" he says dumbly, like he hasn't been watching the news obsessively

"Tony's," Bruce's voice cracks, "Tony's gone Cap. And we need you"

Fin

[punishedvenomyumiko]

December 17th I waited as the bombs fell But I didn’t leave

i made this blog after december 17th. before the announcement i used to open a bunch of tabs of posts i liked and then look at them again later and decide which ones i woud reblog. there would be a lot of them. after that i was in a flurry to sort through them all. september is when i learned tumblr has a limit on how many posts you can queue, and how many you can reblog in a day. i would fill a queue and set them to post something like 100 at a time over a number of minutes. it might have been annoying to anyone who followed me, but that was never relly a concern to me if im honest.

the social aspect of tumblr wasn’t the main draw for me. it was personal. iliked to have my little private gallery. but if someone else happened across it and reblogged from it then i could check out there blog and maybe find something new or interesting. i wasn’t looking to make friends or anything, but the communitty is what made tumblr. it was a human system of sharing content that made it easy to find cool stuff, and conect people with similar taste

i wasn’t super precious about my blogs. i did put some effort into them, but after a whilei didn’t worry too muc about if a post fit my theme entirelly . or if it was good enough. the feature i most enjoyed on tumblr was the archive view. moreso then each individual post i enjoyed being able to step back and see an new aestetic emerge from the totality of it. you could scroll up and down and see the mood change on a blog as i followed new people, or found new fleeting fixations. a single post might be flawed but have its own something that shun through. something that contributed to a larger experience. sometimes the thumbnail painted a picture that was only lessened with detail.

obviously all my frentic reblogging was a bit pointless if it was all gonna be nuked by the algorythm, so i found a few different means of backing up my blogs on to hard drives (the crappyest of which was the official tumblr one. not a singl one worked after multiple attempts). so now i had all my blogs, as well as some of my faves by other ppl, some formatting missing, a few corrupt or missing files, but i had them. But the archive view was missing…

so december 17 approached. people posted there twitters. people said their goobyes. it was a bit emotional if im honest. (this one from one of my faves got me https://jazzisthebestformofmusic.tumblr.com/post/180842185944/4309-file-backup-rar-containing-a-majority-of-the) so everyone got down in their bunkers and waited for the bombs to fall.

in the end, only the blogs i had marked as sensitive got hit. i was expecting a lot worse, as all my blogs are pretty horny tbh >__<;; but i had my blogs backed up now, and i had said my goodbyes. i drew a line under the whole tumblr thing. __________________________________________ then i made this blog. partly out of embarasment having said i would go partly because i had my blogs preserved now, and didn’t want to ammend them further. partly because i still felt a disire to collect images and build this weird achive view tapestry i enjoyed. and also i never found a replacement. i tried twitter, but besides not being the same i have to constantly wrestl with the algorhythm there and keep getting shadowbanned. besides, a lot of blogs i liked are still here. albeit with a little less spice and weirdness.slowily coming back as they came to similar conclusions.

<b>Punished Venom Yumiko Wanders The Wasteland</b>

so recently i went back to my backups i made, and spent a few hours fucking around with the html. i managed to make a rough approximation of the old archive view. its superior in some sense. i can edit it freely, and i now include all the images in a photoset, not just the first one. So I guess what i am gonna do is continue drawing lines every now and then, downloading my blog, on my terms where onlu i can decide what gets deleted. then ill make a new one

if you read this far, thank you for indulging me. like i said, this is my personal blog. but if i have a point its that tumblr, (and not just tumblr, any large platform), cant be trusted for foster an environment, and cant be trusted with your content . i dont have a solution to this, besides continuing to try and use tumblr on my weird temporary basis for content aggrigation and maintaining my own personal archive, but if a viable alternative crops up, someone let me know

also, pls check out the archive for https://waterfaerie1.tumblr.com/archive i don’t plan to update it, but i liked this one.