#fil-am representation

[belladonnafleur]

IM SO GLAD IM NOT THE ONLY PINOY JO KOY ANTI

i stg when he made his bit about how patis smelled like pussy in one of his netflix specals i was like 😐 ok

my entire tagalog class got free tix to see easter sunday and when we discussed it in class i went on an entire rant about how uhh not good it was

when dante basco (aka prince zuko from avatar) starred in a filipino american themed family comedy, i went to go check out the trailer. not that i have high hopes for fil-am humor—or any asian american humor, for that matter—but i still wanted to give it a try. the second one of those guys uttered “we��re jungle asians!” i clicked the exit button so quickly.

[clinically-obssessed]

Zender's Gender

Since watching "Where's My Gender?" (2025) for the first time a few days ago, I have become obsessed with trying to piece together the story behind Fils D Frank's videos on Youtube. I was shocked to see that nobody was posting any theories online, so I will amend that with this post, in which I will investigate the question of what Zender's gender actually is. I do not have a definitive answer yet, so i will instead discuss several different possibilities.

Zender is nonbinary.

This seems to be the most straightforward interpretation of the video. Zender is shown switching between male and female clothes, seems confused about the question of gender, and is referred to using different (and increasingly non-traditional) pronouns throughout the video. Therefore, it seems reasonable to assume that the video's chaotic and difficult to understand nature is a reflection of Zender's own struggle to fit into either male or female gender roles.

I am inclined to believe that this explanation is too simplistic, though. For one, the chorus refers to Zender as "her" repeatedly, which throws a wrench in the previous theory about the pronouns becoming less and less similar to "she/her" and "he/him." Additionally, the video seems to suggest that Zender's gender confusion is inauthentic, which I will elaborate on later.

Finally, there seems to be a common theme of "transformation" woven throughout Fils D Frank's videos. For example, the Peanut Butter Man's transformation into the Human Butter Man is another big point of emphasis in the story, as well as the death of Sarah and emergence of Fils. The title of "They Took My Gender" suggests that Zender's lack of gender is not voluntary but rather was forced. This claim is further substantiated by the fact that in that video, we see the male version of Zender on an operating table being cut to pieces in a quite literal sense. This suggests that Zender once had a gender, but they lost it for reasons outside of their control.

2. Zender is transfem.

This interpretation also seems highly plausible based on the videos. In "Where's My Gender," Zender starts off male, and the male version of them is seen being wheeled into a hospital on a gurney. "They Took My Gender" shows Zender on an operating table being cut to pieces and afterwards wearing the female clothes, suggesting that they underwent some kind of medical procedure to transition from male to female.

Another piece of evidence for this view is that in earlier videos such as "He Should've Ate Me," Fils appears to have a more masculine body, as they are shown shirtless without their chest being censored. However, in "They Took My Gender," Fils has a more feminine body. They are shown covering their chest and looking down into their underwear, presumably seeing nothing there. I believe that Zender is a representation of Fils due to the fact that they are shown with heterochromia in the beginning of "They Took My Gender," and Fils also has heterochromia. Additionally, Fils' body and movements seem to mirror Zender in both "They Took My Gender" and "Where's My Gender."

Finally, the continued use of she/her pronouns in both videos to refer to Zender suggests that they may have transitioned to female. The chorus of "Where's My Gender" says "gender bender / can't comprehend her / she's a gender bender."

This would also seem to explain the Gelatinous Jelly's question of "Why aren't you gay? Maybe there's a delay." One common response to people who come out as transgender is "why can't you just be gay?". Additionally, many people believe that being transgender is a phase that the person will eventually grow out of, which could be why the Gelatinous Jelly believes there's a "delay" and Zender should "give it 1, 2, 3."

Ultimately, though, I still do not think this captures the full picture. The main reason is that the videos suggest that Zender's gender presentation is not authentic. The clearest example of this is that when the "strawberry gender" appears on screen, it is accompanied by text saying "we're not sure that it's really strawberry." Additionally, the chorus in "Where's My Gender?" keeps repeating, "I want to send her out," and in "They Took My Gender," the text on screen says "gender end her end her end her." These lyrics potentially indicate that Zender is not really happy being a woman. Finally, when the surgeons are operating on Zender, they say, "let's break her," and afterwards Zender says, "I think something broke." A trans woman would be happy about having a more feminine body and appearance, but it seems that Zender does not feel that way. This is further supported by the fact that the text "Where is my body?" flashes on screen while Fils is looking down their pants, implying that the changes to Zender's body were unwanted.

3. Zender is transmasc.

This theory uses much of the same evidence as the "Zender is transfem" theory, but reversed. Perhaps the chorus' use of phrases like "end her" and "I want to send her out" indicates that Zender feels uncomfortable with being female. Additionally, when Fils appears in "They Took My Gender" with a more feminine body, they are wearing men's underwear, perhaps indicating that they are trying to present more masculine despite their body. When they look down their pants, perhaps they are experiencing dissatisfaction with the fact that they do not have a penis.

This also offers an alternative perspective on the Gelatinous Jelly. I find it plausible that it represents Zender's "inner self" for a few reasons. Firstly, I have already discussed the fact that Zender is shown with heterochromia, but the Gelatinous Jelly also has heterochromia, which by this theory would suggest that it is also a representation of the same person. Additionally, Zender describes themself as a "gelatinous jelly" several times, suggesting that it is the jelly and not the bread that makes them who they are. We know already that there is something inauthentic about the strawberry jelly they wear, so the fact that the Gelatinous Jelly is purple suggests a different flavor - perhaps one that is more genuine. When it asks "Why aren't you gay?", maybe it is expressing the fact that Zender is internally male and their attraction towards the Peanut Butter Man is not actually heterosexual. Furthermore, its insistence on there being a "delay" may be evidence that Zender still has yet to come to terms with their identity.

One piece of evidence that contradicts this theory is the fact that Fils appears to have a male chest in "He Should Have Ate Me" while wearing a mask of clay. In the next video, "They Took My Gender," Fils is maskless with a female chest. This could mean that Fils was hiding their true identity while living in a male body and the mask could only be removed after transitioning to female, even if this change was somewhat jarring.

4. Zender's gender is immaterial and serves as a metaphor for Fils' creation.

Perhaps fixating on Zender's actual gender is missing the point of the videos in the first place. Transformations of various kinds seem central to the story of Fils D Frank. The channel's description alludes to the death of Sarah and the birth of the alter-ego Fils, and there is a video on the channel about Sarah's death (although the circumstances of it remain unclear). Other videos constantly allude to the idea of identity, so it seems reasonable to infer that one of the main themes of the story is Fils' "rebirth" process.

The Peanut Butter Man's transformation into the Human Butter Man could be one facet of Fils' identity formation, albiet a rather sinister one. There are a number of videos dedicated to the Peanut Butter Man's assimilation into the corporate world and loss of his own sense of self. Most notably, "I'm More Than Just A Slice Of Bread" shows the Peanut Butter Man insisting that he is his own person in the face of demands to "lose your face, become like paste" and repeated insistence that he's "just a slice of bread." In "Human Butter," the next video on the Peanut Butter Man playlist, we see the word "help" on screen as he is quite literally torn to pieces, and then we see the creation of the sinister Human Butter. Then, in "I Know Who I Am," he declares that he is the Human Butter Man, which indicates a shift in his identity.

There is some evidence that the Peanut Butter Man represents a facet of Fils. In "It's Just A Slice of Bread," Fils' voice says, "I'm the Peanut Butter Man, you know?" Additionally, videos such as "You Know, I'm Worried About You" have Fils outright saying to Peanut Butter Man, "You'll always be a part of me." This further supports the idea that the Peanut Butter Man turning into Human Butter Man serves as a metaphor for the Fils' own transformation of identity.

Given this connection between Fils and the Peanut Butter Man, it seems plausible that the same could apply to Zender, who is also a piece of bread and the second half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Perhaps their confusion over gender represents the broader sense of internal struggle that Fils is going through while trying to find their identity, and the actual gender of Zender is less important than the journey of attempting to discover it.

N.b. The Gender of Peanut Butter Man

One detail worthy of consideration is the gender of the Peanut Butter Man. Although it may seem self-evident that this character is male based on his name, there are a few videos which suggest otherwise. Firstly, in "Where Is My Gender?", we see Zender standing next to the Peanut Butter Man with the text on screen reading, "Oh to be the guy she sees. It's not me. Is it me?" which is also repeated in the video's description. The question arises: who is saying this? The most obvious answer is the Peanut Butter Man, but then that raises the question of who he is instead. The simplest explanation is that he is talking about being the Human Butter Man instead of the Peanut Butter Man, although there is also the possibility that he doesn't feel like a "guy." This may seem like a stretch, but I have a few more details from other videos that increase the likelihood of this interpretation. Alternatively, this line could be said by Zender to the Peanut Butter Man, which would then raise the question of why they refer to this character as "she."

My second piece of evidence is in the video "I'm More Than A Slice of Bread." In this video, Peanut Butter Man is consistently shown with one green eye and one brown eye. Fils' eyes, however, are brown and purple in this video. The only other character who has matching eyes is a blonde woman who appears on screen for only a couple of seconds and is shown looking side to side. Could this woman be the same person as the Peanut Butter Man? The final detail supporting this interpretation is that in the same video, when the Peanut Butter Man becomes too adamant that he is the Peanut Butter Man and he is more than a slice of bread, the circuit board lady says, "Stop her," after which the Peanut Butter Man is shown in the office with Fils. The use of the pronoun "her" is confusing because it is unclear who else it would be referring to except the Peanut Butter Man.

[brainwormcity]

I don't want to be sitting here being angry because of Taika's ignorance, I want to be reading fics and making edits and rewatching the kiss from episode 8 over and over again but I can't. In the years past, I've had to swear off jelly belly jelly beans, cracker barrel, shein, harry potter, chik fil a, and home depot. That's just the brands; more importantly to me, I've given up on Jensen Ackles, John Mulaney, Thomas Middleditch, and more than I can possibly think about right now. I have long since learned my lesson in regards to parasocial relationships and hero worship.

Media and art are so extremely important to me as both a coping mechanism and a source of representation and OFMD checks so many boxes for me. It's one of the few unsanitized, non-eunichized queer shows with adult characters, POC, and trans folks and I'm so brutally sad that it's hampered by the actions of one person's lack of social awareness and hypocrisy but I can't in good conscience indulge knowing that when celebrities endorse things like this stupid fucking letter (however well-meaning and done out of ignorance) they normalize this sort of callous thinking.

I'm not sure how to proceed, going forward. I'm pointedly not streaming the show and using my platforms to make other fans aware of these circumstances, as well as sharing information from other indigenous folks who are feeling hurt and betrayed Taika's contribution to all of this. I don't know if it's okay for me to even engage with fan content. I'm not willing to compromise my values by consuming Taika's works without a retraction and it sucks because I am desperate for something to buoy my mental health. Interested to hear how others are coping with this. Anyway, free Palestine.

[selkies-world]

Hey, disabled Tumblr, can you help me out please?

In the YA book I'm currently writing, 1 of the characters is a wheelchair user. He's middle-aged, and a father of 4. He's been in a wheelchair for around 20 years. He lives in a mid-/low-income house, where he and his partner have raised their kids. All of their kids are grown adults. He and his partner both have jobs and their own income, and he does not have a live-in carer, though his partner helps with some tasks when he asks her to, and one of his sons stops by quite often (multiple times a week) to help out around the house.

1 of his youngest sons is Autistic, and his other youngest son is able bodied & most likely Neurotypical with some Autism traits, but ends up comatose after being hit by a car.

Here are my questions:

Is he in physical pain? (Are there conditions which can cause someone to need a wheelchair which consist of physical pain? What do these feel like? Do they impact how he uses his chair? Does he need medication for the pain, or the condition?)

How easy or difficult is it for him to move himself around - can he go from his wheelchair to the couch to his wheelchair to a dining table chair by himself? Is this taxing on his body or his mind?

What kind of accommodations will he have in his home?

Does the furniture have to be arranged a certain way to allow his chair to move around?

Same question for his kitchen - what's different in his kitchen to allow him full access and autonomy within it?

How should his son-in-law offer assistance? (In my current draft, SIL asks if FIL wants any help getting from his wheelchair to the dining chair, FIL tells SIL to wait a second then to take the wheelchair out of the way of the table. SIL finishes setting the table while FIL gets into the dining chair, then moves the wheelchair across the room, out of the way of anyone else walking past it to the table. SIL also helps carry dinner through from the kitchen while FIL gets the drinks.)

How would he feel about seeing his son in a hospital for long-term care? Would he feel differently about it than the able-bodied family members? Why? Would this difference impact his behaviour or responses?

Is there a reason he may (or may refuse to) ask for help or assistance with something which is directly impacted by his being in a wheelchair?

I have Aspergers syndrome, idiopathic scoliosis, hypermobiloty, Raynauds, and an undiagnosed connective tissue disorder, along with undiagnosed CPTSD, a history of eating disorders and a few various sensory issues. I am transgender, FtM. Within this book, I have representation of Autism in characters who are cosgender, transgender & gender queer, all of whom are at different points on the spectrum. I have representation of a child with severe PTSD and amnesia surrounding her trauma & life before it. I have a genderfluid character who uses he / she / they interchangeably, 1 polycule which includes a black man of mixed race who may be Scottish or Welsh by the time the final manuscript is done, and a fat Chinese woman who is either Welsh or Scottish. The protagonist uses he / they.

The fantasy elements in this book include shape-shifting, but shifting shape does not cure or fix a disability: if someone is am amputee, and they turn into a duck, that duck will have the same amputation. As such, there are depictions of various characters in shifted forms with prosthetics - a shoebill in a wheelchair with a prosthetic leg is one example of this.

There are also heavy features of Celtic folklore throughout the book.

[sansculottides]

by the way i fucking hate that imelda m*rcos musical & FUCK lea s*longa. fuck every cookie cutter burgis that thinks ohhhhh we should look at both the "good and the bad" FUCK YOU. if you want to talk about martial law, talk about the workers and unions, the communists and revolutionaries, the indigenous peoples and muslim people outside manila, all those scarred, tortured, killed by the m*rcos regime, many of whom survive to this day and carry all that with them and carry on with the revolutionary struggle. the older activists i know who lived through the m*rcos years are the strongest fucking people i know. "ohhh we need to know who the m*rcoses were as human beings" fuck you. you are adding to their mythologized image. being the protagonist of a fucking musical is exactly the kind of thing demented im*lda and her family would want. i dont fucking care about what the m*rcoses did for "ph*lippine culture" and nationalism, as if these are good things, NO, that bullshit was part of their whole fucking thing. to cement an essentialist version of "f*lipino culture" towards an ethno-state with the fucking m*rcos family at the head. and then this fucking petibugoy fil/ams are going to gush about how this fucking musical is good for REPRESENTATION AND DIVERSITY? DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?

[dot823]

I'm thinking about how fandom has changed over the years, and how most fans of things tend to be apologetic about liking things these days. In 2012, I would've proudly stated that I love superwholock and if people didn't like that, they could just go on doing their own things and i'd do my own thing. It wasn't perfect, and people who didn't like it may have gotten annoyed if they saw too much of it on their dash, but like. Curate your experience or whatever, block people and tags you don't like.

Now, people are too busy being scared of their piece of media being labeled problematic for dumbass reasons like Existing to unapologetically love the things they enjoy in public. Or even in private.

To clarify, yes, liking something like Harry Potter which is made by a transphobe and antisemite and contains very clear antisemitic and transphobic messages, and willingly giving money to JKR when she's then giving the money to do bad things, is problematic. I'm not saying you should follow those blogs or allow that shit on your dash in any way. I'm not saying that protesting against very clearly bigoted things is bad, I am also very against giving any money at all to Joann. I also don't each chic fil a. I also won't shop at hobby lobby.

However.

I've seen so much hate for so many shows aimed at innocent people for stupid reasons. People riot and demand representation and then scream and yell when they aren't happy that the character isn't exactly like them. Or, my least favorite, a villain in a piece of media does something bad and the protag fights against it and yet haters start screeching that the creators and fans condone the villain's actions. They fail to realize that plot requires conflict, and people do bad things.

People are scared because they get ostracized for enjoying something innocently. They can't make mistakes anymore unless they want to be told to die painfully or get shunned from society, but probably both.

People are calling things problematic over the smallest shit these days, and then they go and tell people to die over liking things that they deemed to be problematic. If hating shit is your whole personality I think you need a new personality.

[altruisticenigma]

Let’s talk about how difficult it is to enjoy shit without it being analyzed/criticized and found problematic to a degree, especially in today’s world.

Do you ever feel excited about something that you’re honestly enjoying that helps you feel like you’re getting some representation in media, that makes you feel like your story is seen-

And someone’s very critical political/social take on it kinda ruins your happiness?

While these are wonderful and important discussions to have, this is also why it’s still listed in my DNI that discourse is a hard subject for me and not to bring it up to me- even if I don’t invite it into my space, I still run into it by accident and it causes debate and self-doubt in my head. I actively avoid having political, social, and other kinds of discussions too often because I’m aware that I am too critical and it’s hard for me to separate the concept of perfection from criticism. (That’s what therapy is for after all, lol.) It causes me anxiety and I talk down to myself to even like the things I like because now it has a critical voice around it.

I get overwhelmed with thoughts like:

“Should I enjoy this piece of media even though it’s got some problematic takes?”

“Should I like this even though I can see the positive and negatives and understand that it’s not all-encompassing “bad?”

“I see the problem this person is presenting, and ACTUALLY live the reality of what they’re presenting- but liking the fictitious side makes me feel icky for even relating to it, or having such a similar story”

“I want representation but now there’s discourse about it. I feel like I can’t like anything or indulge in media without always needing to have a critical eye on it”

As a queer, disabled, Fil-Am person, my life to a degree is politicized- to save myself the mental and emotional exhaustion, I pick and choose what and when I engage in these kinds of discussions. I also know what obviously has lines that shouldn’t be crossed- obviously like JK Rowling’s media and such, lol.

But I fucking hate it when I’m trying to honestly and openly enjoy something like CHILDREN’S MEDIA and people are out here tearing it apart. While I studied such things like women’s gender and sexuality studies in college and it gave me a critical eye to basically everything in life, I hate it because it feels like I can’t enjoy ANYTHING without feeling like everything is somewhat “problematic.” It gave me a lens I felt like I can’t ever take off.

I don’t know why I’m posting this. I just wanted to vent. I’m so tired of being highly self-aware, but also feeling unhappy that I can’t enjoy things without knowing they’re, to a degree, problematic.

[lovedrac]

AG Historical/GOTY Wishes: What Kind of Character Do You Want to See?

If there’s one thing I know the community for American Girl has, it’s thoughts and opinions- and rightfully so!

When I was 10 I got my first AG doll which was Kaya. I got her because she looked enough like me, and she lived in the area I grew up in- The Nez Perce had settled in or around parts of the PNW. I also liked her rebellious and enduring spirit, as I too considered myself “a outspoken rebel.”

As I am now older I have the same dilemma I faced when I was younger when wanting a AG doll: I want representation and myself reflected in the doll. I distinctly remember struggling between the “prettier” dolls like Felicity and Elizabeth, but wanting a doll like Josefina or Kaya who looked like me- a tan, dark haired, Filipino-American girl at the time.

We already know AG has extremely limited Asian-American Historical and GOTY dolls. It’s even more difficult because Filipino dolls are pretty much a rarity in the doll community.

For me, I’d love a doll from around 1980-1990 representing the immigration struggle in modern America today, highlighting those Asian diasporic feelings and what it means to be “American” in a society that doesn’t look like you. As a Filipino-American whose a child of a immigrant mother I do live between two worlds: the culture I resonate with and the culture I currently live within. I already know AG covers both immigration stories and we already have too many 80s-90s girls, but for many of us Asian-Americans growing up with those feelings- both older and younger today- it’d highlight a new perspective and continue the stories and perspectives of minorities in my opinion.

This hypothetical doll probably would function much better as a GOTY, and Corrine covers this already (pretty recently), I’m just a bit selfish and wanna see her be a girl who is really into baking and making traditional foods from home, whose shy and afraid to be herself in a world that doesn’t exactly seem welcome to her, and see her flourish as she learns what it means to truly be herself.

(That and well… I just would love to see a Fil-Am doll so badly!!!)

What kind of dolls would you love to see?

[badedramay]

Can you do a breakdown of the David/Kim scenes from this week’s yunhi like you did with the last episode?

before that can I just say how glad I am Kim remembered what her father said to her about leaving her a message and by the end of the epi she found it out? warna yeh MU drag ho sakta tha. but it didn't. we can make an educated guess that Kim knows that it's her own Dad who took away her stuff so at least we won't be subjected to her blaming anyone in this "corrupt" country for her predicament.

of course the Sofa™ had to make its importance known this marital bedroom xD i used to confused about just why Kim has made Dawood her zidd but I am getting the hang of it now. while Dawood is also one of those "hamare mulk mein aisa hi hota~" person like every other person in the house..Dawood also has a personality that would easily "fit" in a western world. he's a doctor, he's mature, he's responsible, he takes pride in his self; Kim taunts Dawood for being a "Pakistani mard" but in heart she has accepted him and only him as the only "worthwhile" representation of a Pakistani man. to her this is an experiment. of how much she can push around a Pakistani man before the veneer falls off and Dawood shows him the ugly, regressive side of desi men that Kim is 100% convinced is true for all men all across the board. the marriage is just a means for her to get there.

Kim feels safe in the knowledge this new relationship will have no affect on her. Dawood was rebound for her after her breakup. she has no romantic feelings for Dawood hence she doesn't have any attraction for him that will make her soft for him. she's not naive enough to not what the wedding night entails for a bride and groom but since her heart is not in it, she cannot subject her body to the deed. which is unlike what a good desi ladki will do. the whole "shauhar ke huqooq" thing is drilled in girls' head so much that they learn to completely lock their hearts away. the same goes for desi men. Dawood doesn't have any love for Kim but he has accepted his role as the "shauhar" and with that he has accepted all the "haq" that he has on Kim. he kept reminding her of his position in her life. he IS the husband, Kim CHOSE him to be. her denials don't work.

except..they do kinda do for Kim? like..she didn't impose herself on Dawood. she was asked a choice and she gave Dawood's name. Dawood had every right to say no. if the man can express his dislike for Kim to Kim's face, he can very well express his dislike for her in front of his adults. but he didn't. thus, this gives Kim more power here. 'sure i chose you but you also chose me despite knowing me, you don't get to order me around now.'

and it's not like Kim is completely opposed to the idea of Dawood. she just doesn't like him YET. she says to Dawood na..if one day she'll like him she'll dress the way he wants. and she also says that she will never oblige to any thing that is forcefully imposed on her. c'mon..Kim is putting all the hints out there. treat her nicely and she'll react in kind. make the mistake of pushing her around and she can show everyone just what she's made on. that's gonna be their journey. Dawood slowly and gradually learning about how Kim's heart&mind works and Kim slowly and gradually learning to accept Dawood as he is. both Kim and Dawood are individually not bad people, they have flaws sure but not glaring enough to be incapable of being loved.

i think what Yunhi is also showing through Kim and Dawood's relationship is how all this "raub" of a men only works because the society has rendered women to benefit from it. Razia gets reprimanded by her FIL and even her husband doesn't stand up for her, Razia feels bad about it but she will never complain about it in public. cuz bhale hi she gets scolded by the FIL or not supported by the husband..the two men still are the reason she lives a comfortable and respectable life in the society. these minor insults become negligible them. the same formula can not apply to Kim. because she's not dependent on any men here. look at the morning after scene. Dawood slightly refused to get up and go after his friends as Kim wished him to do and Kim simply said fine, then i'll go to the police myself. she doesn't NEED Dawood for protection or validation. she's enough on her own. the loss of her documents is a minor setback. Kim IS an American citizen. it won't be impossible for her to get the security of her country back once she contacts the embassy; she's most definitely confident enough to get through this long messy procedure on her own.

lol this turned into me pouring out all the stray thoughts i had about the show more than the scenes breakdown xD thank you for patiently reading this!

[darrencrissarmy]

Darren Criss

You have been working with Ryan Murphy for a really long time now. How has the collaboration grown in these years? Have you guys gotten into a shorthand?

I think just by nature of him inviting me to be a producer on here was definitely a step of me growing up a little bit. I can’t take a whole lot of credit for this show, we had a dinner where I didn’t intentionally pitch what would become this show, we were just talking about 1940s Hollywood, which I neither invented or created.

Hollywood in the '40s is a genre that — and I say genre, not just a period because it is so full of mythology and lore that we all love so much. It’s kind of up there with sci-fi and fantasy. It has its own kind of world. So we were just riffing on that.

By the time he sold the show after we were kind of just brainstorming, he sold it within a day or two. And then afterwards, he just asked me if I wanted to be an executive producer. And I said, 'are you sure? That is very kind of you, but I understand that this will be your thing and I don’t want to be too big for my britches.'

And of course he was like, 'you are an idiot, of course take it.' I say that because I was very appreciative, I think of the goodwill that he gave to me because he knew that it was something that were kind of piecing together.

But I definitely didn’t write the script or anything. He was very gracious to include me on the sort of very preliminary creative steps and was very open to my input and he was very receptive to that stuff. So there’s a shorthand in so far as I have learned to, he is the busiest man in Hollywood, so I try and keep it short and sweet and concise and I try not to be too big for my britches.  It’s the Ryan thing and when in doubt, let him take the lead and I am just happy to be invited.

Your character is also half-Filipino, just like yourself. Talk about how much you can relate to your character.

You have been around in my life in a much more Filipino capacity than others.  It’s a huge part of my background. But it wasn’t until the past few years where the idea of being white passing or the idea of a part of your identity being unrecognized was ever really a concept to me.

I think it was made clear because there are so many people, either from the Filipino community or other historically marginalized groups, that kind of gave me the term of, 'oh you are white passing.'  And I never thought of that because my whole life, I just was me.

I knew I was Filipino, my dad was white, it was what it was. And so I never thought of that as an internal conflict or an issue until honestly working on “Versace.” It was a conflict for Andrew because it was something that he tried to hide because he was ashamed and he didn’t want to be different, whereas the villain in this scenario is less the self and more, the main antagonist of this show is the '1940s and the suppression and repression that comes from the time itself. 

I am happy to say I don’t relate because I have never really felt slighted in any way because of my background. I am very lucky in that way. I have always felt very supported and welcomed and that’s just a lot of luck and I am very grateful in my life for the people who have given me that.

But somebody like Raymond, he sees this as a reason to kind of start this social justice crusade. You know what, he’s just like Ryan Murphy in the sense that there are things about him that he has had to fight through and accept as a young closeted man from a small town in Indiana, growing up to own the things that he was insecure about and using them to his advantage and in so doing, breaking down the walls for other people that were also in the shadows.

So I think there’s a lot of Ryan Murphy in Raymond, who looks at film and television as a way to push culture forward and to be an advocate for the underdog.

It was great for you to get into old time Hollywood. But facing the problems we are living in today, how do you envision the future of the movie industry? How can we reopen the space in the cinema while protecting and keeping people safe?

Oh gosh, I am definitely the last authority on this matter. I am just as interested in that question as I think all people are in the entertainment business. I don’t know what the answer is but I do know that after we make it out of this, I think we are going to reevaluate a lot of systems that have been in place for several decades, if not a full millennia.

So I love the big joke that once we started going into quarantine, I saw something going around about now we all know which meetings really could have just been an email. So there are a lot of things where we go okay, we really don’t have to do it this way.  And times of chaos make you reevaluate systems. I mean personally, I am a fan of the cinema, I will always be a fan, I think it’s because I am a theater person.

What is the first thing I am going to do when I am out of this? I am going to go to the bars, I am going to go to my piano bar, I am going to get really close to people, and I am probably going to make out with everybody at my bar, frankly.

I mean I just want to be with people, I enjoy the catharsis of communicating, of experiencing things with strangers in a fun — that is what entertainment does, it brings us together.

And even though we are brought together in our homes, there’s something so magical and eternal about sitting in a room and in real time feeling people and hearing people laughing or crying and realizing, oh they are feeling what I am feeling. That’s one of the sort of nuclei of the human experience is getting to do it together.

So I hope that cinemas can reopen soon, however given the priorities of human necessity, I should hope that it isn’t the absolute first thing that needs to happen, I say that to my own chagrin, I work in entertainment and I work in the theaters.

Obviously I would love this to happen but only when it is safe for the world at large.  But I think no matter what, human beings will always find a way, even though we always say, 'oh, we are on our phones, everyone is so disconnected, look at all the kids, they are on their phones,' human beings inevitably always find a way to get together in person.  It is inevitable and I wholeheartedly believe that.

What does the word Hollywood evoke for you? What is the first image, the first sound, the first memory that comes to your mind if I say Hollywood?

It is such a huge concept because I didn’t think, it wasn’t until I moved to Los Angeles that I even realized that it was a place.

I think for so many people, it’s a concept. To go to Hollywood is so much bigger than the sign and the place and the industry, it’s a mantra of sorts to people. So Hollywood to me was the entertainment industry.

I think there are people who aren’t even in the entertainment industry that refer to Hollywood as going big, going for broke, the big dream, the classic great white somewhere.

It’s always meant a whole lot. I mean it’s hard for me to disassociate it from the Hollywood sign and my own career. But gosh it’s an interesting question, it’s just all the things, it’s dreams and it’s the dream factory. For me, all of us having dreams as kids and wanting to work in the entertainment industry, you hear the world Hollywood and it’s exciting, it’s this eternal exciting Mount Olympus that you hope you get to visit. And I have been lucky enough to be granted access and I am still waiting for them to kick me out.

[consplayspace]

Why I Love Writing Plays #25: REPRESENTATION

I proudly wear the Filipino American Playwright Identity because I grew up not seeing a lot of people who looked like me or shared my same background represented anywhere else. I went to a conference while in college called, Know History, Know Self... No History, No Self. And in one of the workshops, the attendees talked about representation in media. Back then, I didn't see many fil-ams on tv as opposed to now. And I think from that workshop, I made it my vow to write more parts for Fil-Am actors to represent the lives of our stories.

Pictured: a short play titled, REMEMBERING THEM, about the power an old barber shop chair to bring back the memories of the manongs who sat in it.

[bringmeadream]

"Sure, I like #Nightwing and #BlackWidow but I want to see a #FilAm doing our martial art! Eskrima is a #Filipino Martial Art!"

[buckys-other-punk]

I literally just found out that there was a FilAm marvel character and I got so excited. Like you I then realized her nickname was a slang word and that was a bit off putting but still the representation we get!!

You make some really great points that people should hear! I love that you expressed how I was feeling and able to put them into words (lol I don’t know if that made sense but whatever)

All in all I’m so glad that there is finally a character (in the marvel universe!!!) that looks like me! (Despite her nickname) I take this as a win for Filipinos and Filipino Americans. Like I feel like we should be grateful for having a Filipino superhero!♥️♥️

As a Filipino-American woman I love the concept of Arielle Agbayani because REPRESENTATION considering that I can count on my hands how many times Filipinos got any representation. Given that Marvel has had some head scratching attempts at representation especially given the… slang her nickname “ari” is associated with, I’m really glad to at least get some rep because up until Arielle I can’t even think about who were our champions. Like maybe Olivia Rodrigo being half (and not white passing let me make that clear cuz some of y’all don’t get it) or Bruno Mars who’s also half, oh and Darren Criss (who is also half). And despite those three most of you all didn’t even know that they were half. Then there’s Lea who’s the voice actress behind Milan and Jasmine’s singing voices but like, again, that’s still one hand of counts. Filipinos haven’t had a big name company like Marvel represent them in a MAIN role? Legendary.

(I say that because Marvel does have some Filipino rep but most of them are side characters or lesser names heroes that have hardly scratched the western market. Namely Wave, Sea Hunter, and Red Feather)

But I make this post because when some of y’all are talking about how she’s a Captain America, it sounds a little, oh what’s the word, racist. Like yes I get that the US was the third country to basically colonize the Philippines and lowkey screw up a lot of things even more from Japanese occupation and that’s why it’s a little head turning to see a Filipino American as a cap and I know the debate on whether America were saviors or not is a very real thing, some of y’all saying that you don’t like her sounds pretty racist. Like idk how but some people are bringing Sam into this like “oh I didn’t like black captain America he’s not representative of the US” (which is obviously problematic) and therefore relating that to Arielle by saying she isn’t either like the US isn’t made up of immigrants.

Like I can get not liking their character like of Sam’s too cocky for someone without the serum, Ari’s too young (she’s a college student) and therefore too naive, because those are personality traits of the character. But when people are saying “oh he/she doesn’t represent America or it’s values” that’s a little ignorant considering that not ever American is a blonde haired and blue eyed solider.

While I’d love to delve into the history of Filipino immigration history, long story short, a lot of us are here. We took on the jobs that no one wanted so we can send money back home to the Philippines, we worked hard here so we can sponsor our families to join us, we’re here. Do not talk about what represents America if you’re not American or if you haven’t done so much as walk outside in the previous month. But to say that Filipinos, a south East Asian nationality/ethnicity, don’t represent American ideals is a little ignorant and just a tad racist.

Or maybe I’m overthinking it and I’m just sad that the first main role Filipina we got in marvel has a nickname that’s slang for gentialia and people are trashing on her for no reason. I can get the actual significant criticisms of her because I agree with most, but when you’re saying that she doesn’t represent anyone at all that’s ignorant because I know that if I was a child who grew up on marvel and dc comics I would’ve absolutely loved to see a character who looked like me and WAS a Filipina

[hellomynameisbisexual]

“I’m not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it’s just a layover on the way to Gaytown,” Carrie Bradshaw famously said in the offensive, misinformed 1998 episode of Sex and the City in which she dates a bisexual man. These words are still painfully seared into my brain. How could a sex columnist, a character written predominantly by gay men, have such a limited view of queer identity? Nearly ten years later, a 2016 episode of HBO dramedy Insecure sees Molly (Yvonne Orji) finding out that the man she’s seeing, Jared, nonchalantly had a sexual encounter with another man. After exposing her biphobia to her friends, another character declares Jared to be gay. Ultimately, Molly and Carrie both decide, despite the chemistry and their attraction, that they could not get past their own compulsory monosexuality to continue dating a bisexual man. Why does television, a medium primed for long-form character development and storytelling, continuously fail at representing bisexual men?

Twenty-five years after that infamous Sex and the City scene, bisexuality (for the purposes of this piece, I am using bisexuality as a term that encompasses all people with the capacity to be attracted to more than one gender, including those who identify as bisexual, pansexual, fluid, queer, and more) on television has made significant strides—from young-adult programming like Euphoria, Riverdale, and Gossip Girl, to adult dramas like Game of Thrones, The Magicians, and obviously, The Bisexual. Bisexuality is no longer relegated to a very-special episode, and is slowly leaving the realm of bad, misinformed jokes. According to GLAAD’s 2021-2022 Where We Are on TV report, queer representation on television is at an all-time high. After two consecutive years of decreases, bisexual representation increased by one percent over last year: nine non-binary characters, 124 women, and sadly, only 50 men. Fifty may seem like a solid number at the outset, but consider the quality of these representations. Aside from a few stand-out examples, like Nick Nelson (Kit Connor) on Netflix’s much-loved Heartstopper, many are relegated to supporting and recurring characters, at best, and stuck in tropes, at worst.

Maria San Filippo is an associate professor at Emerson College whose research focuses on screen media’s intersections with gender and sexuality. In 2013, she published The B Word: Bisexuality in Contemporary Film and Television, a pathbreaking monograph on the state of bisexual representation in both mediums. “Bisexuality was only beginning to be central and recurring, rather than peripheral and episodically one-off or short-lived,” she said over email. “Bisexuality’s representational legibility has been expanded; it’s less easily deniable as ‘just a phase’ when bisexuality becomes an ongoing character trait.”

Broadly speaking, on-screen storytelling has struggled to construct bisexuality in ways that reach beyond the word landing at the butt of jokes or framed through the lens of disgust and abjection. Nowhere does it fail bisexuals more than television, a site of endless discursive possibilities. Television’s long-form narrative offers unique opportunities to watch sexuality unfold over time, but rather than exploring and showcasing every permutation of bisexuality, bi men on television are far and few between.

“Bi+ male representation has always been the biggest challenge,” San Filippo said. “Bisexuality threatens heteropatriarchy and phallic authority, and so must be hidden or, if acknowledged, desexualized and disparaged through mockery or else hypersexualized as in porn (and even then bisexuality is rebranded as ‘gay for pay’).” She said it’s not unlike the uncommon sight of male frontal nudity on screen, which she explores in her 2021 book, Provocauteurs and Provocations. “Dan Levy’s character David on Schitt’s Creek is one high-profile example of recurring, more nuanced male bi+ representation,” she said. “We need more.”

The phallic authority, as San Filippo calls it, is not as threatened when it comes to the representation of bisexual women characters, who were more than double as numerous in the 2021-2022 television season. Nate Shu, a bisexual comedian based in Boston who spoke with me over Zoom, suggests that feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey’s work on patriarchal ideologies in film still applies here. Mulvey’s seminal 1975 essay, “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema,” uses a psychoanalytic lens to look at the way women have been depicted in film primarily for the pleasure of the male viewer. She coined this theory the male gaze.

“Lesbian and bisexual characters are more attainable when they’re female because there’s something for male viewers to hold on to,” he said. “A bisexual woman is still an attainable woman to a straight man, whereas a bisexual man is both a threat and an anomaly.”

These conventions are sewn into the fabric of on-screen storytelling, a part of the canon of cinema that queer storytellers are working hard to reform. But despite this hard work, bisexual stories are still too-often made palatable to viewers through a handful of storytelling tropes: the coming out story, reasserting the status quo of a relationship or identity, or hinting at a character’s dishonesty or shiftiness (it pains me to bring it up, but Frank Underwood on House of Cards is a great example here).

The CW’s 2015 musical-dramedy Crazy Ex-Girlfriend showcased one of the more fleshed-out bisexual men on television, Darryl Whitefeather, played by Peter Gardner. His unapologetic musical sequence on how he’s “Gettin’ Bi” was an audacious and refreshing moment for a middle-aged character embracing his sexuality—despite his entire storyline being framed around coming out. We tend to see these coming out narratives again and again, to the point where it begins to feel like viewer manipulation. The coming out scene will only lead to the catharsis of Heartbreaker-level tears if it feels earned through a character’s arc of self-suppression and pain. However, the gay blueprint has already been established, and thus the coming out story is relatable and palatable, rather than depicting a character already living their truth.

Shu, who identifies as bisexual and biracial for the sake of alliteration in his comedy (as opposed to pansexual, a term to which he more closely relates), asked me poignant questions: “What is queer representation? Having a character make an off-hand comment and it’s never acknowledged—that is a queer character, but it’s not a queer story.” His ideal bisexual representation allows characters to be authentic people living outside of constructed narratives that are more viewer-friendly like the coming out story. He could only name one example of an Asian bisexual character on television that he felt somewhat seen through—Magnus Bane, played by Harry Shum Jr. on the Freeform supernatural drama Shadowhunters. “It’s tough to get out of the boxes of what culture, film, and TV have defined for decades,” Shu said.

Marvel has been a site of critique around its inability to flesh out queer characters in an authentic way, awkwardly suggesting that all superheroes are heterosexual. The 2021 Disney+ series Loki made headlines for a 20-second scene where the titular character confirms his bisexuality after admitting he has been with princesses and princes in his past. This kind of casual bisexuality has become more commonplace in the streaming era, to the point of forgettability: Bill Pargrave on Killing Eve, playing Eve’s MI5 boss until he was eventually stabbed by murderess Villanelle, also identified as bisexual in a passing conversation. Other examples include Joe MacMillan (Lee Pace) on Halt and Catch Fire and the titular character (Tom Ellis) on Lucifer. Does the off-hand knowledge of a character’s sexual fluidity, without an in-depth exploration of his sexuality, qualify as queer representation? Perhaps a better question would be, does it make bisexual viewers feel seen and understood, and add to monosexual viewers’ understanding and empathy of bisexuality?

At the end of October 2022, Kit Connor came out as bisexual in a bitter tweet after months of being hounded and online bullied by Netflix Heartstopper fans, some of whom accused Connor of queerbaiting for playing a bisexual character. The fall-out made me wonder why any actor, let alone a bisexual actor who may still be processing or figuring out his sexuality, would want to play a bisexual character in the social media age. “I think some of you missed the point of the show. Bye,” his tweet read.

Not to center myself in the discourse, but I can’t help but wonder how a more thorough cultural understanding of bisexuality would impact my own dating life as a gay man, what the dating pool might look like if there was a more rigorous acceptance and visibility of bisexuality and fewer “discreet” men refusing to send you photos of their faces on dating apps with fear of being outed in their real life. The latest 2021 Census data coming out of the United Kingdom suggests there are currently nearly as many bisexual-identifying individuals as gay and lesbian survey respondents combined. These numbers feel hopeful, to me. Previous generations grew up dissatisfied by the range of representation on television, leading to iconic shows like Pose that shifted the course of television at the intersections of queerness and race. I can only imagine what the landscape will look like in 10, 20 years as the bisexual-identifying Gen Zs—the queerest generation yet—make their way into creative fields. We’ll have to watch and find out.

[timmymyluv]

domestic bliss

FAKE INSTAGRAM POSTS

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[stanley578]

Something I recently found out

A cartoon that I don't watch, Craig of the Creek, has an episode that features full-on Filipino representation. The episode, Sink or Swim Team, features Eileen and her family of Filipino immigrants.

Eileen's mom, Rory, is voiced by Deedee Magno-Hall, the VA of Pearl from Steven Universe who is Fil-Am. Eileen's grandma can only speak Cebuano/Bisaya.

It accurately portrayed customs such as bowing and pressing one's forehead to the elder's hand (mano po gesture), rinsing the rice and measuring the water with a finger before cooking it, and Filipino cuisine: tortang talong (eggplant omelette) and sinigang na isda (fish soup).

It's super rare to see representation of countries like the Philippines in Western entertainment and media, but we got some of it in Steven Universe, Star vs. the Forces of Evil, Raya and the Last Dragon, the Pixar short Float, the 2020 Disney Christmas advert, Blue’s Clues & You, and Amphibia. To see the culture of my country fully come to light through animation fills my heart with so much joy. To the writers of that episode of Craig of the Creek, maraming maraming salamat sa inyo. Sana’y patuloy niyong bigyang liwanag ang kulturang Pilipino at ang karapat-dapat na representasyon.

Maybe someday in the future, some talented animator would pitch a series that focuses on a Filipino-American protagonist.