#felt worse but I’ve felt better | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wildthings04 · 2 months ago

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#music #fav #lame brain #glass jaw #felt worse but I’ve felt better #Spotify

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theswedishpajas · 4 months ago

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Based on my favorite gif lately

#my art stuff #digital art #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #batstarion #once again specifying this is a spawn astarion with some sort of wild shape thing #bat #good morning #gif #I’ve been in such a weird place mentally about art lately #I just keep stopping myself from drawing things cus I want to draw Astarion -#- but fsr my brain decided I draw him wrong and thus makes it pointless to even start #bat form is fine - I have no problems with it. But in his normal form? no can do buckaroo.#It’s one part why I haven’t shared much art lately - I don’t get happy enough about the “quality”#then just don’t share it as a result - in turn making me feel worse because I’m not posting - making me doubt myself more - etc etc #idk man - I got way too giddy earlier today cus someone could tell this was Astarion - even though this isn’t even the version of him I -#- feel insecure about #I keep seeing these artists making more realistic art and cool comics and interactions - most of which are shaded really beautifully -#- and all I can think about is how I CAN’T do that - even if it wouldn’t fuck me up mentally #I just put too much stress on my ability to create realism and I keep “failing” at doing that (by actively avoiding it for my own health)#idk man - I just wish I felt better about Astarion’s stupid chin OTL

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pansyfemme · 1 month ago

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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess

#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop #im stuck.#and i know it’s hard on my friends to see me like this since i’ve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits #but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking #about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel #and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt #but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it #its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping #and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me #it’s been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard #im trying to get better but i slide back down #i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse #i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of #ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do #even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time

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smoshingatut · 6 months ago

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I'm kinda tired of dungeon meshi fans blatantly misinterpreting Kabru's goals, motivations, and character so they can ship him with Laios...like obviously it's awesome if you enjoy Laikabu but can you nooot twist Kabru's intentions for involving himself with the guy who constantly triggers his monster trauma and pisses him off so bad he gets brain damage so that he turns into "the guy who wants to suck Laios's dick" as his entire character? I've even seen people cut off Kabru's words to make it seem like he is admiring Laios because it would disrupt that narrative

#how can you think marcille hates laios and kabru wants to fuck him that's not.......canon.....#every time I see stuff of them it’s people being like 'oh kabru loves it so much when laios reminds him of his traumatic past'#be it his eyes/monsters/or the succubus thing 'he just HAS to fuck laios'#kui was noooooot intending for kabru to be lusting after that man!!!#i love laios but come ON why dont you actually care about KABRU tooooo #for l4bru to actually work one of them would have to suppress a big part of themselves and its ALWAYS on kabru it’s so insufferable #it's just like how some people misconstrued fem!toshiro blushing about laios to be her crushing on him when it was obv the same discomfort #but it made the microaggressions even worse because of the gender difference AS WELL as the culture difference #SIGH #i prommis ryoko kui did not create kabru so he can think about sucking laioss humungous donger all day fhsdkfhskjh #L4ikabu is the worst case I’ve seen of people twisting things for their ship because it’s literally just not true…#blatant misreading of the text goes crazy!!!!#like sure they're foils but what about the actual dynamic...w8 don't think about that actually cuz yoikes lol #obviously not threatening anyone who ships them please just stop saying it's canon oh my g #pwease actually read what kabru says he lays it out really clearly and has a super interesting backstory that drives his actions 🥲#i dont expect anyone to read this because im not using a tag but if u do then...🫢😯#i dont understand y ppl like it so much when laios ignores kabru so hard KABRU DESERVES BETTER #I’ve never felt like this about any ship before wow it just makes me 🫷

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soobvape · 5 days ago

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i need brownies so fucking bad rn

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ilkkawhat · 15 days ago

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i'm not doing too well recently but checking your blog in the mornings makes me happy 🫂 i hope things are better for you soon. we can make it through this

oh dear i’m sorry to hear that 🫂💜 i hope things look up for you soon

#maybe by the weekend i’ll feel better…just some anxiety inducing things at work this week and idk #i’m feeling less hurt/upset than i was over the weekend but there’s still some lingering guilt and panic over things #and i even had a nightmare last night #that’s been pretty hard to shake #and then i feel bad publicizing my feelings like this cause i don’t wanna idk come off as attention seeking #everything just kinda sucks but i know that it’s been worse and ive gotten through it #i must be doing okay on the outside at least cause if anything one of my employees made a comment of how kindhearted i am #which felt good to hear with the recent troubles i’ve had with my team lately

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that-was-anticlimactic · 8 months ago

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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t

#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap #bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU #lol idk why my head is so bad today #the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it #i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do #oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse #sorry guys needed to rant #the inadequacy was strong today #something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like #i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but #my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m #missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids #who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me #for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry #that felt good actually #idk what came over me #imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags #sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh #okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is

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mochiwrites · 9 months ago

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blegh

#delete later #this is me just yelling into the void for a moment #but god I think I need to look into doing smth about my meds #:))) been on a steady mental health decline since at LEAST august #and it’s only gotten worse since the new year started cries #I’m trying to do homework and I can’t even focus on it #struggling so bad #but I don’t. trust anyone to actually talk and I’ve been pulling closer to myself #so I just bury myself in school and writing and distractions (there aren’t many)#I don’t know I think I’m tired #really tired of how things have been #how alone I feel #life has genuinely felt exhausting lately #all of my relationships feel so superficial with the exception of like. a small few #I want deeper connections but lately I feel like I’m just not built for friendship #it really feels like I’m just not supposed to have friends because I’m not a good one or I’m not a good person and I just Exist #in loneliness #and that hurts SO bad #can it please get better already #please #between online and irl I am at my limit T-T #ANYWAYS. back to being productive and doing stuff

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overcaffeinated-aro · 28 days ago

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hard to tell if I’m actually ‘getting better’ or if I’m just bored and doing things anyways

#I think I’m at least somewhat better. it’s easier to manage my energy than it used to be #and easier to manage my pain #I wonder if physical therapy did more than I thiught or if I just managed to cut out an allergen that’s been really fucking me up #or both. probably both #why is it so hard to remember what I’m supposed to feel like #or what I felt like a year ago #or a few months ago #I keep having to remind myself that I didn’t just make symptoms up #I haven’t magically gotten tougher and can do three times as much with the same level of pain and fatigue #I wasn’t weak. I’ve never been the type to stop doing things so it has to be bad to make me stop #so like. what happened #it feels like everything’s still just slowly getting worse so why am I doing better #I don’t trust it #maybe I actually managed fo rest my way out of burnout. but if so I still have to be careful not to wind up there again

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d0d0-b0i · 2 years ago

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it’s weird how much lighter my life feels now. not that i don’t have any issues (because there are many in my life, as i am sure there are in yours), but they’re just so much more manageable than they were a year ago.

what’s more; i love myself now. i may not be perfect. but i am trying my best, and i can tell that i am! i see myself in the mirror, and sometimes i just examine myself, and my features, and i smile. i feel so much more authentic when talking to people, not worrying about how they view me, because i don’t have to anymore. i wish i could’ve told 15-year old me just how good it’s gotten so far, i know that he would’ve loved hearing about the shitty sideburns we’re growing out right now :’)

#it gets better :)#i used to think that transitioning medically wouldn’t lessen the sadness and depression i felt #and to some degree it is still there since t isn’t a cure all #but by the gods it is so much fucking easier to deal with everything #when a major reason for my mental health being the way it was has been abated #it’s like the fog cleared enough for me to actually see the road i’m driving on #instead of assuming blindly that i won’t crash #once i get top surgery.#idk. i wonder if things will be even easier?#i’m almost a year in and already my life feels so much brighter. yeah there’s problems with keeping the house. and yeah #i don’t have an income yet and i don’t know if the internship will even be in the cards for me #but. i just feel that everything will work out. enough for me to enjoy the time i have here :)#sorry i am being sappy but god! i love and i love! so much now!! i feel so much and i enjoy nearly every day despite the Issues #the world is getting worse but still i find reasons to love and live #so maybe one day it will get better? maybe one day my love will have helped even #if you’re reading. i love you. even if you’re just a follower #even if we’re mutuals that haven’t talked before #i think about you often. i wonder where my oldest mutual went after they stopped posting years ago #i don’t think i can forget. and i love you. and i wish i. could give you a hug. we all need one from time to time #i love the friends i’ve made and the friends i’ve had. i love. and this past year has opened up my floodgates of emotion

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blennie · 1 year ago

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actually idk if i can do this i’m a different type of insane now LOL

#it would make me…. so sad if i replayed this game and it felt joyless #revisiting loved media can either make me feel much better through nostalgia or much worse bc i’ve changed oops!

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barley-st-band · 6 months ago

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hey does anyone know how we’re supposed to survive it all. asking for a friend

#she speaks #oh gang we’re really in it now #i don’t think i’ve ever felt this bad this deeply in my whole life lol #the burnout just keeps accumulating past any point i thought it could reach #and i can’t even pretend at work anymore #i’m so tired and these kids are so infuriating and it builds and builds every time they do something shitty #and i love them and it’s not their fault they’re just kids and they’re tired and it’s almost summer #but god i can’t fucking do it anymore #how exactly am i supposed to survive the next two weeks #the class i’m taking is too confusing and too fast paced #and i didn’t buy the textbook bc it’s 200 fucking dollars #and our apartment is always a mess #and i can’t keep up with friendships and feel like i’m constantly letting them down #and there’s nothing i can do to fix any of it #until the school year is over #bc at this point it takes everything i have just to get up and go to work in the mornings #but then i still have to somehow find energy to do other stuff too. and like actually teach.#i have to grade and do report cards and return materials and clean up my classroom #i need to complete a checklist the size of a novel before i leave for the summer #i need to keep the kids engaged but none of us want to be here #i need to start organizing to make next year easier #i need to fill out paperwork and spreadsheets and update my password and find time to feed myself and grade more papers and #vacuum the floors and scoop litter and clean up clutter and do dishes and wipe down counters #and i haven’t been able to fucking do any of it in months and left so many chores to my poor partner who’s also going through it #bc i have nothing left and i don’t know what to do!! i want to scream every minute of every day bc i’m so beyond overwhelmed the moment #i wake up in the morning but i don’t have time for a meltdown so i just keep going!!#i wish i had better words to explain how bad it’s gotten but the brain fog has gotten so so bad #i can barely think i can’t make decisions my memory and recall have gotten so much worse #i take my anxiety meds so often that they’ve stopped working #and yet i still worry that i’m making it up and being dramatic. anyway sorry about all this lol

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mars-ipan · 4 months ago

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it is so nuts trying to have a healthy relationship with food when your sibling is trying to be a gym bro

#marzi speaks #i’ve been working on doing the whole intuitive eating thing #bc i have issues with my appetite and i want to make sure i’m both keeping myself fed and healthy and not having to see food as a chore #and it’s working out for me! and i’m having a good time and i genuinely enjoy food #and my parents are happy with it bc it’s working out for me. i think my mom’s happy to see me try to keep a healthy mindset with food #bc she struggled with it for a long time and is just starting to figure out what works for her herself etc etc #but it gets SO weird with my brother sometimes #i’ll grab a snack or smth sugary or high carb or whatever and he’ll be like ‘damn that’s so unhealthy :/‘#and i’m like. no??? it’s got these nutrients??#and he’ll go ‘yeah but it’s junk food’ and i have to look at him and be like ‘no food is inherently better or worse than other food’#‘i eat these types of foods in moderation with more nutrient-dense foods as well. i’m doing fine’#and he’s always like ‘…..okay… i wouldn’t eat it though’ and i just look at him like. Alright king #it doesn’t bug me bc idgaf what he thinks but it DOES make me worry for him a little #he felt guilty for eating oreo cakesters today. he had 2 of the 3 in his pack n he was like ‘i feel bad for eating these :(‘#and i asked ‘well are you full? like do u feel sick? or???’#and he was like ‘no i just feel guilty’#and i had to remind him that he’s allowed to eat and enjoy them. and it’s fine and he doesn’t have to earn it #idk how well it stuck but he did finish it bc he wanted to finish it so. i dunno #he’s got some shit to work through. he’ll figure it out i’m sure

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makkie-is-screaming · 1 year ago

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#Okay so tw cuz im gonna rant about suicide #so back in July I planned on killing myself today #I told myself I needed to try n get better n if I couldn’t that was it #and I’ve tried I really have #and I’m obviously still struggling but not to the extent I was #like I’m depressed n my ed is getting worse #but I’m finally hanging out with D n she’s just so much fun to be around #im calling my bestie more and she sounds genuinely happy to hear from me #im doing a bit better with my parents to n im seeing my cousin more who I’ve missed so much #I have plans for break for the first time in years #im finally getting piercings #it’s crazy cuz even just 2 weeks ago I didn’t think Id be ok today #but I am like today isn’t gonna be another attempt I’m gonna make it #and that’s wild to me bc I was so bad over the summer I was constantly debating it that’s why I set the date #And I don’t think I’m fixed and there’s a big chance I’ll attempt at some point in the future knowing me #but right now I feel like I have a reason to try and I haven’t felt like that in a long time #okay I’m done now just wanted to say that #screaming #tw suicide #tw suicide mention #kinda

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vaulthuntersmybeloved · 1 year ago

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Okay so rant about the doctors time

So I’ve been trying to find anxiety meds that actually work for me and I ended up trying two that both gave me panic attacks from nightmares and as someone who has NEVER dreamed and only got nightmares like ONCE a year at the most it was happening every single night and I ended up not sleeping properly for a month until they finally let me change meds

And the meds I’m on now are fine but are at too low a dose but the doctors are all fuckin useless and just want you to go to therapy and magically be fixed and never need meds so they try every single time to get you off of them and it’s super fuckin exhausting because my anxiety is making me try and get out of there as soon as possible so I just don’t argue and take what I’m given which is why my meds now aren’t strong enough

So my mum (my life saver) has permission to speak on my behalf because my anxiety is too bad to answer phone calls and shit and we asked to change the main number to her number because they still kept trying to ring me because they’re all fuckin idiots. Anyways just found out today that apparently they didn’t even add her number as an alternate number to ring let alone the main number they should ring so I’m fuckin PISSED and THEN they have the AUDACITY to say they can’t change the number to her number without my written permission for some fuckin reason when WE ALREADY FUCKIN DID ALL OF THAT AND THEY’RE THE ONES WHO DIDN’T FUCKIN DO ANYTHING WHEN WE ASKED THEM TO!!!!

And I’m so fuckin exhausted and just want to take a nap but I can’t because there’s still a chance they’ll fuckin ring my number because they’re all fuckin IDIOTS who NEVER FUCKIN LISTEN

#Rebs rant #i’m so tired #this is why I didn’t push for a higher dose because dealing with doctors is just endless anxiety and them never LISTENING #I’ve literally never felt listened to by a doctor #they’re all useless #they all have their own fuckin agendas when it comes to mental health and it just makes it worse #WHEN THEIR JOB IS TO MAKE IT BETTER #‘have u tried talking therapy’ you mean gaslighting myself into thinking I’m okay? yes I have and it didn’t fuckin work you dipshits #ah yes because talking about having anxiety magically makes it go away #‘your anxiety is irrational’ NO SHIIIIITTT ALMOST LIKE THATS WHAT ANXIETY IS

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newnamesamecharlotte · 1 year ago

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The tricky thing with my depression is that when I have a depressive episode, I am convinced that I was never happy in my life, that all the times in the past I thought I was happy, I just lied to myself… and at the same time I’m convinced that it will never get better, that I will always be that unhappy…. And this feeling is so overwhelmingly convincing that the voice of reason pales in comparison…

#it’s not that I’ve never felt worse in my life it’s the overwhelming conviction that it was always bad & will never get better #and the tools I learned in therapy feel like swords made of straw #mental health #mental illness #depression #charlotte is rambling

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