#feels so nice to have it done though
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new year? new artstyle? new accent colors?
ooooo baby a triple
anyway here's the big ass month-long ordeal I've had lol
PLEASE on my knees rn reblog this I have been suffering for far too long
new colors:
chase: main- green, secondary- purple
skylar: main- yellow, secondary- hot/dark/dusty pink
bree: main- pastel pink, secondary- neon orange
kaz: main- red, secondary- dark gray
oliver: main- blue, secondary- white
will probably repost bc it's not showing up in the tags :((
#dawg i'm WIPED from this#feels so nice to have it done though#anyway yay or nay on the style#do lmk#lab rats#mighty med#lref#lab rats elite force#elite force#chase davenport#skylar storm#bree davenport#kaz#kaz mm#kaz lref#oliver#oliver mm#oliver lref#adam davenport#leo dooley#douglas davenport#horace diaz#tasha davenport#tecton#megahertz#blue tornado#snowstorm#solar flare#gamma girl#alan diaz
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Pages from trying to keep a little sketchbook-scrapbook type thing going for two weeks lol. I gave myself specific rules in hopes they might all end up more cohesive/consistent seeming, but alas, scribbly chaos reigns, it seems
#sketchbook#scrapbook#Actually I feel like these are kind of incomprehensible in photo form like.. In person holding the book its easy to look at#but as images on this scale I feel like there's so much tiny little text and small scribles and stuff you'd have to 'right click > open#image in new browser tab > zoom in' just to actually really see the thing. which for 7 images is excessive lol.. so. probably not the best#medium for sharing really but. I suppose I thought they might look cooler lined up next to each other. The whole part of using a#limited color palette is so that maybe they kind of seem to have more consistent color schemes or something throughout. but I dont#know if they look all that 'related' or not. I think these types of challenges I have always sucked at because I am a being of clutter and#excess. I can't just do like one little simple nice looking design and have that Crisp Neat calligraphy with evenhanded perfect lines#and perfect symmetical composition and etc. etc. Like some poeple post very aesthetically clean and cohesive looking sketch#pages or something but I simply cannot hold back the brain impulse to add more. more. more. Fill every single blank space with color#or a little drawing or a sticker or something. I take away 500 things and there are still a million there. Even when I thik I'm being#'simplistic' I'm still usually being 2x more complicated and cluttered than the standard or whatever lol. I guess thats clear from my#outfits/costumes though too. Like whatever that saying is from that person about something like 'before you leave the house take off one#more accessory. you dont need it' for me is like.. 'before you leave the house. add 10 more accessories. and 6 more layers. and another'#AAANyway. I wonder if also maybe some people would try to plan theirs in a way to look good or something or like.. plot things on the page#before placing them. I did sometimes have a theme for a day kind of (like day 10 I ended up finding a few gold and green things and then#was like.. hey... what if I looked for a few other things and only used these colors today') but aside from that I was just slapping down#stickers randomly and working around them to fill the page. Maybe a lot of neat minimalistic asthetic design is about planning and#having a Vision set ahead of time. instead of just complete random whatever. doodling whilst watching youtube videos or eating lunch. It's#a miracle actually I've managed to not spill any food on the book the whole time. anyway.. I do wish the highlighter really showed up. the#scanner kind of makes the colors look VERY different to irl. But also it got much clearer images than just camera pictures of pages. alas..#..Still oddly enjoy the phrase 'Salisbury Steak gently kissed with industrial pollutants'#probably my favorite section of 'gluing random papers and things onto the page' lol#Also I wonder if it's super obvious that I literally never ever use references when I draw (save for the few freakish looking youtube#face sketches) since everyone is always in the same positions and looking very similar ghhb. This could have been a good opportunity to#work on not solely drawing from my mind and try to do more Dynamic Experimental scribbles. NO. Same exact eye for the 90th time#be upon ye. But I guess it was meant to be casual 'daily doodles'. True 'practice' would make it seem too effortful like a full project. hm#(lol the one decimated pencil in the set... never hand me a writing utensil. i will passively destroy it somehow. shaving the sides of a#pencil off with a knife or snapping a pen in half as a nervous fidget without even realizing i've done it. sorry to the drawing implements)
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For the character ask meme:
Marvel vs Capom Megaman!
Technically that would just be Classic Mega Man, so we'll go with him!
Send Me a Character
And I will tell you my:
First impression I know who Mega Man was and that there were different ones (I just wasn't sure how or if they were necessarily connected at first, so I drew him and Hub interchangeably but confusedly). I think Rock is cute, but his design was too simple for my tastes.
Something about Smash's additional details clicked so well to me. (MM11 is still not quite there for some reason, so I don't use it.)
Impression now I've always had an interest in robot characters, and after learning more about him, I was somehow able to explore so much with that concept and just Mega Man's character in general. Unsurprisingly, working with him reminded me a lot of Astro Boy and the situations he faces with the innocent mindset of a child and the body of a robot, just not as heavy (I won't talk about the Archie Comics, I stopped following after a while for reasons).
The thing about working with child characters is that they aren't always going to act like older characters, in their words and their emotional responses. On top of that, drawing them is particular too-- their faces, the things they do with their hands, etc.
It leaves a lot to think about, but the thoughts are very welcomed. Kinda like a "put yourself in their shoes" sorta exercise.
So besides the fact that I grew to really love the Mega Man series, with its fun characters and robot designs, I really appreciate the "pureness" of Rock's character. I know he's also a hero with a strong sense of justice, but in the end he's also just a child. A robot child.
Even when compared to the other Mega Mans, Rock is the simplest, purest form of the non-human. His "humanness", while present, differs from X and his complexities despite them both being totally mechanical. Hence why I chose that word "pure".
Though Rock may appear simple, it turns out it's with much meaning. At least to me it does. I have no idea if these words make sense.
Favorite moment This is a Smash thing, but watching the lights of Mega Man's eyes during his fighter reveal is always gonna be so cool.
Idea for a story I made two (ancient) comics that touch on the uncomfortable dynamic between Rock and Dark Pit. I never really clarified it, because I'm still not sure, but Dark Pit's harsh attitude toward Rock were meant to cover for something else.
It's been so long, I don't know if I'll ever return to it. But there's definitely a lot of loose ends I've still left flying around. (Y'know... Like the one with Beck.)
Unpopular opinion I don't really like Rock's MM7/MM8-type proportions. He looks way too tall and way too lanky.
Favorite relationship *Coughs loudly in Captain N*
Favorite headcanon The little depictions that remind you Rock is originally (and still is) a helper robot are very sweet to see.
#wow looking back at my comics from that time makes me feel nostalgic#but also darn I used to write so much (I feel so bad that I haven't done things that nice of a size since)#like I want to but ahhh my energy is stolen by my work...#for real though I really did put all my energy into those megaman comics#well at least I have a lot of them on paper than none at all :)#Asks#Ask Mew#rubyrosevalentine#megaman#rockman#I don't really think there's any way for me to interestingly talk about rock solely in the topic of mvc#so yeah we'll talk about him in general (it's for the character after all)
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i remembered u can texture 3d meshes in procreate so i cannibalized one of my old models of nijirō to try to make arcane-ish
#my art#3d art#arcane#nijiro#still wip! id like to take it further even tho the sculpt is pretty flawed#verdict on procreate for texturing is its lots of fun!!!#i dont think itd suit a production pipeline unless ur making small hand-painted assets but even then its quite limited#but for lil experiments like this its great! painting feels nice n intuitive#sucks that texture size is limited to 2k tho i am so limited on details#though i could have done better uvs……
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I think i doubt my ability to work faster under stress too much
#classwork#banana yoshimoto#kitchen#so much for lurking#sorry i just like how these turned out haha; this was one of the things that was bothering me so it feels nice to have it done#i don't like the second one as much as the first one but it *is* empty on purpose... metaphors and stuff#this is for my capstone; it's our only art assignment we'll have for the whole semester (intimidating)#we had two options for what to do depending on what kind of focus we've placed on our work#people who were focusing on content for studio work had to make something that represented themself as an artist#people like me who focus more on technique and meeting task requirements had to depict something based on... any... literature#so i took a middle ground and did two page inserts for a book that's important to me#i actually wanted to do only one really detailed insert but my prof wanted two so i had to divide my time#and also read the whole book again which left less time for the actual drawing#crying bc the dropbox for this closed five minutes before I got this done#even though this technically isn't due until the beginning of class tomorrow#it'll be fine since i'm bringing the files to class via USB anyway but it'd be nice to have it submitted so it could leave my conscious lol#uh i also have to type up something for this so i shall do that now#night night
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I FINALLY MOVED OUT TO A NEW PLACE!!!
i'm absolutely exhausted and i still need to unpack so many things and i still need to buy a proper desk and restock my groceries & supplies and a do a whole lot of other things BUT i'm hoping to get settled in soon so i can get back to the creative endeavors™️✨
love yall, stay safe, take care, and good vibes 🫶🏻
#rin rambles#i dont want to bog this with negativity but i do want to share stuff so imma do it in a way that makes me look forward and not backwards#honestly this wasn't the place that i actually wanted and got excited for several months ago#i had to make adjustments because unfortunately the landlord was a huge red flag and i decided i didn't want to sign#and sure enough she never returned my security deposit of 1.5months until this day despite saying she would every day for like a whole mont#and though it is hard and devastating i don't want to potentially sabotage my own future so i've decided to not take any legal action#i just hope. that that money can be of use to her in some way. get her out of a tough spot perhaps#it was a struggle to get to this point of actually feeling fine letting go without breaking down but!!! it's fine. i'm fine#and karma will find a way if it was truly done out of purely malicious intention!#i'm closing that book and stowing it away lovingly into a shelf because if anything it was. a powerful lesson.#as much as it sucks. never. ever. trust a person when it comes to business or transactions. no matter how 'put together' they seem#always have everything on paper and never EVER pay something until they demonstrate that they can be trusted#anyway#the people helping me move today were super friendly and nice and it made my day!!#and so far i love love love the privacy so much. a bathroom all to myself? a kitchen countertop?? for myself??? that's so crazy#i had to battle thru cobwebs and (fored to) cured my arachnophobia by force /j#and there was a power trip unfortunately but overall everything seems nice! i would have liked having the room on a higher floor but ah wel#ough my back........... _(;3」 z)_
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Hey, do you remember that really homoerotic scene from Skyfall? No? That's okay, here's a Vettonso version of it :)
- explanation & w/o text:
Hi hello, finally my weird psychosexual relationship with Casino Royale has come to fruition. Yeah this is directly based off a scene from Skyfall, but I def envision the vibe as being more like Casino Royale hehe. I can't believe I made that inspo board for this AU almost 4 weeks ago, and then ended up drawing a four panel "comic" about it. Ahhhh proud of myself, a bit, a tad. I think this took 20+ hours across the span of a week? God. Anyways I digress! The AU!!
First of all, their Bond song would be "My Way of Life" by Frank Sinatra. It's so toxic, codependent and obsessive, I'm in love with it. And it really suits Fernando and his motivations and outlook in this AU. Basically, MI6(in the context of James Bond) in this AU is an analog for Ferrari. It picks theses guys up, tells them that they're Ferrari MI6's most special boy, chews them up, and then spits them out when they're finished extracting all their talent and skill and life force.
Much like with Ferrari, Seb in this AU replaces Fernando after Fernando loses favor and becomes undesirable. Now Seb is the new golden boy, and Fernando has turned to a life of crime! Fernando resents Seb for this of course, but also becomes obsessed with him and the idea of him , and how they are connected. It's weird to watch someone else basically go down your exact same path and unknowingly make all the same mistakes(buying into the mysticism of it all too much, being overly cocky, having naive beliefs and goals, etc.) He is caught between wanting to doom Seb even more but also wanting to "save" him, by corrupting him and convincing him to work together.
Basically: He's both a Bond girl and Bond villain.
Fernando is in such a weird place in this AU. I think he's just very dramatic. Seb is just casually living his best 007(005?) life, and Nando is watching him with binoculars, whispering to himself: "DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE NARRATIVE FOILS!?" Yeah he hates Seb, but like the song lyrics say, their lives and dreams are inherently tied up together. He would feel lost without Seb, because Seb basically, unknowingly, destroyed and then took over his life. Maybe he'll feel satisifed if he manipulates Seb into going down the exact same path a bit better.
About the drawings themselves. Still can't believe this scene is a real thing that actually happened, insane to me. But in this AU, after the events of these drawings, Fernando definitely kicked all his henchman out of the room, and fucked Seb in the chair. And then against the wall. And then on the floor. Hey man, Seb is already looking mighty delicious with his unbuttoned attire and being tied up.
I think the general plot would be that Fernando keeps trying to seduce him to the dark side, and Seb keeps making him think it worked, only to escape at the end of the encounter. Leading Fernando to just come up with increasingly more violent and kinky traps. Seb goes along with it(read: enjoys it), leaving Fernando satisifed, only to somehow escape and wink and make kissy faces at Fernando in the process. (Fernando smoking cigarette in bed: "How do I make him stay. Sigh.")
I like to think though that Fernando does win in the end, by realizing, ah wait shit I do need to actually explain my motivations to Seb. And Seb is so worn down by his job, not Fernando, and how he's being treated, that he listens, really actually listens, and realizes Fernando does really have valid reasons. And then they become evil crime husbands yayyyy. Wow you thought this was a espionage AU? Well it is, but just not the outcome you'd expect.
#ah well this was certainly a project....#rn i feel like im devolving into illness so im glad i could finish this up before it possibly gets worse#this is my magnum opus as of rn. just bcs ive not really drawn such a longform thing for them!! happy w it :)#i think i def like the first one the best#it made me suffer so bad but i think i soften on my own art after a few days#like i finish it and know its 'good' but cant help but critique every little thing#but ive had that one done for almost a week so now i look at it and really love it#i was originally just going to draw that one only but then realized i really like the full dialog so. might as well.#generally i liked this though bcs even if it ws difficult. it was nice to have really direct and clear reference#like ah ik where im going w this rather than it being an image in my head that i cant represent the way that I want#ah anyways all my vettonso aus tend to be just wanting to explore specific dynamics of theirs#and this one is basically how i feel about their mutual relationship to the institution of ferrari and how it affects their dynamic#basically: THEY'RE MIRRORS!!!#there's always something to be said abt nando being resentful abt seb bcs of 2010/2012/etc and then seb taking his seat at ferrari#but then witnessing seb basically go thru the same trials and tribulations and failures at ferrari#and realizing huh wait maybe he's not who i was villianizing him as. maybe hes at my level too. maybe he's not infallible. maybe hes like m#a very bitter nando who has to fight btwn his impulse to ruin seb further or to relate to him and start to like him#so yeah that's ^ basically what i want to portray in this au(just like all AUs tbh)#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#catie.rambling.txt#catie.art.#vettonso#bond au
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i tried boil washing + braiding and setting overnight to bring some life back into my g3 lagoona's hair and what a wonder it did!! i wasn't sure how to do waves (as compared to straightening or curling) so i just guessed and it turned out lovely! i kept it in the ponytail because i think it's cute but it looks so nice now :33
i also straightened spectra's hair so it looks more like her g1 iteration and i think it looks really pretty too...her box hair was particularly rough (just very tangled and almost crushed up as you can see) so i think this turned out pretty good
#i've done a couple others but they're not as big transformations as these#i also fixed up my core refresh lagoona creepro lagoona core refresh clawdeen fdc toralei outta fright operetta and hissfits toralei#i feel bad though because in trying to remove operetta's little scarf thing i accidently pulled the knot too tight and stretched it out#so it doesn't look the way it should and to take it off i'd have to cut it#but it's a tiny accessory it's fiiiine (even though she's a collector doll cries)#the last doll i'm waiting on is getting here tomorrow so i'll probably post a collection update soon!! i got new shelves in my room#so everyone is displayed really nicely and isn't hidden away in my closet ;w;#what do you have to say doll?
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and another thing about vocal synth fans: we will always find some adult male voicebank to turn into a funny little clown for our amusement. some guy to communally bully in our talkloids, the miserable straightman to the shenanigans, the sad little freak punchline to our jokes. it happened to kaito. it happened to gakupo. it happened genbu. it even happened a bit to kevin (although he seems to have looped around somehow). and it will happen to you too, frimomen. it will happen to you too.
#hell its already begun. or maybe he was born for this role. his origins being that of which they are#the other day i saw a favourite meal announcing dragon parody 'list of past girlfriends' with frimomen#and of course the joke was him going silent for the listing part <3 a classic but it still got me LOL#i dont know why we need to do this. i feel it too though. i see a grown ass man vocal synth and im like I NEED to make him swagless#child and teen vocal synths are mostly safe from our wrath (although we've definitely done a good bit of len bullying)#but the second i see a guy who pays his taxes i NEED to make fun of him <3 <3 <3#a vocal synth tradition. its a tradition#i dunno i was kinda thinking about genbus characterization and how in the japanese fanbase he kind of varies from what ive seen#sometimes hes a nice and calm guy with a tsundere edge. sometimes hes a goofy loud straightman to shenanigans#but overwhelmingly in the english speaking world in talkloids we turn him into this high energy beloved little freak LOL#and i love all characterizations. my own personal version is kind of all combined LOL hes friendly but a little too hype#to me he seems chill at first but is like 0-100 in like seconds <3 like his voicebank <3 <3 <3 i think he feels every emotion so so much#and absolutely suited to the straightman to hijinks role with his grumpier edge when hes embarassed#i also sometimes like to give him a bit of an unearned ego sometimes because of voicebank deprecation#hes clunky but he was the first!!! he was the first!!! hes not owned!!!! he slowly turns into a corncob#thats another characterization that mostly comes from the english speaking side LOL#TO ME genbu is like if ll nico was trying to put on a nice calm guy exterior instead of a cutesy idol exterior#which might be why genbu's becoming my favourite LOL nico was always my fav.....#going back to our favourite little guys to bully i will say nowadays kaito isnt bullied as much. because we have gakupo to bully instead#the bullying can pass on. frimomen. it can be inherited frimomen. watch out frimomen
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One of my favorite things about being in my early 20s is that I'm starting to understand that I can use things not for their intended purpose. When you're growing up, you get told what an object is and what its intended purpose is, and as a kid/teen, I just accepted all of it at face value. As a young adult it's finally clicking that I can simply do things a different way if it makes me happier. Sure, I was taught that you stand to take a shower, but there's nothing stopping me from just sitting if I don't feel like it, ya know? I might have always had my medication in the kitchen, but if I'm no longer remembering to take it, I can just move it somewhere where I can remember. You don't have to specifically store all food in the kitchen, you can have a little snack cart or snack station in another room.
The downside to finding out the various ways you can use objects is that you develop habits that would probably go on an r/relationships post where everyone says you're a little freak.
#simon says#i just developed a new habit (it's too tmi to put here) and I just know that it's some weird shit#it works and it makes me feel better so I'm gonna keep doing it#but it's some shit that would end up viral where everyone would go 'yo op you should break up with them thats weird' 😔#i was just thinking about this though because every week or so I learn that I can just do what I want#because there's no fucking object use police I can do what I want#i HIGHLY suggest getting into this habit. if you find something annoying or frustrating you can just do it differently#'I hate washing the dishes because my legs hurt from standing for so long' you can bring a chair and sit or you can break it up into chunks#like on the one hand I'm learning this because I have autism and a plethora of other mental disorders#and it's FINALLY clicking that I can self accommodate whenever and however I so please#I'm just sorta learning that if doing something makes me feel better/happy/gets the job done to do that thing#even if it requires using an object in an odd way#hell there's even some little things I've been playing with#for example: my whole life we sorta just lifted blinds only about halfway up#just sorta how we did it ya know#well recently I decided I wanted more natural light in the sunroom/my office so I wouldn't have to turn on the lamp#and I lifted the blinds all the way up to the very top#and honestly?? it fucking rules. the room looks nicer; i get natural light; i can see the forest out back and it's quite calming and nice#like for ages I just never thought about doing that because it just never occurred to me that I could#i just always put blinds about halfway up because that's about how high blinds do in my household#another little one I learned is that I can just... wash my hair#sometimes when I get too depressed or if my body doesn't need a shower but my hair is greasy#I just shove my head under the bathtub facet and wash my hair#it's just a small thing but for years if my hair needed to be washed I would just take a full shower#now I just fix my greasy hair. bc greasy hair is a huge ick for me but sometimes my body is still clean or im too tired to fully shower#like there's nothing stopping me from doing that and it doesn't hurt anyone. it's just a way of bathing that I wasn't taught#but yeah those are some recent examples of me learning I can just... do stuff differently#the free will is kicking in babes and it has decided I love finding ways to use things differently#it's why im doing a bg3 run where I just press loot all no matter what and use whatever I can in odd ways#anyways I might delete this later might not who knows
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another fun day of school!!! (memorizing bible verses)
#aaaaa I really don't wannaaaa :[#I'm done with this spiritual and religious schooling#good news though#my mom is finally enrolling me and my sisters into a proper homeschooling curriculum so that's nice#I haven't done proper schooling since...8th grade?#my mom moved me up to 10th so I skipped a grade and a half but that's okay#I started yesterday and honestly I did pretty good for having skipped some grades#but just bcz I get to do proper academic stuff doesn't mean the religious part is taken away#I STILL have to memorize bible verses and learn all this random spiritual stuff on top of that#ughghhghhhhhhhh#it's fine it's fine it's fine#I'll be fine#could be worse !!! at least I'm finally doing proper schoolwork after feeling behind for so long#I don't like how me and my younger sister are in the same grade tho#she's only a year younger than me but STILL#I think it's bcz my mom wants us to graduate at the same time#killing two birds with one stone ig#vent#kinda
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I am so tired of how Quotev/Wattpad level fanfiction, written by what reads as a 15 year old getting into their first fandom, gets pushed up the book ratings in the gay romance genre (m/m). Why is Red White and Royal Blue always at the top. Why is Boyfriend Material. Why must I suffer. Where are the standards. Why is a 30/40 year old recommending me, a grown adult man, stories that feel like they were written for highschoolers who don't like to read so they pick up the trashiest, most easily digestible shit in order to have the bare minimum of fun while doing their reading interpretation project for class.
This is coming from someone who had fun reading goddamn Twilight by the way. I'm not a book snob. I can enjoy objectively bad media if it's fun. My favourite book series with LGBT main characters is All For The Game, and that's a shitshow! But at least there's passion in it! There's fun!
I am going insane!!!!!
#my new technique is seeing which gay books tiktok hates#I always like those#honestly I think I'll just drop romance books entirely by this point.#fanfic is usually so nice to me on the romance department anyway#why am I paying for subpar shit that a goddamn fic author on ao3 does perfectly and better#i am so tired of the current state of popular romantic gay books#feel free to rb btw this is not a deeply personal post or anything#i am so tired#how the fuck are popular gay books so low in quality#like its not even about taste and opinion it's about straight up standards#like aristle abd dante is an objectively good book even though I was meh about it#I might not have personally enjoyed it that much but I can give it high praise#but boyfriend material? the american british one? really????#i liked the gentleman's guide when I first read but... I went back to it and it's kind of meh too#but when I first read it I was the target audience so. i can give it a decent rating too I guess#even though the characters are... kinda flat#aaaaaaaaaaa#I am so done#gotta start ignoring book recs and look for books with like. 2 reviews#unblemished by tiktok#published out of blood sweat and tears
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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they are a happy family
#EDIT: I DREW THIS BEFORE HIM HAVING A DAUGHTER WAS EVEN CONFIRMED WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#actually though#tracy is named after troy’s mom and i did that cause his mom didn’t like him and so he still wanted to honor her so here ya go#i said this on twt but tracy was an after thought do not look too much into her only holding nicks hand troy and nick both adore her#i drew her last#the recovering alcoholic bit is in refrence to my trick fic i’m writing but also a parallel to troy never escaping it#nick isn’t a violent drunk though he’s a depressed ‘i’m fucking done’ then proceeds to feel sick when someone talks to him drunk lol#i’m really insecure about my art be nice#fear the walking dead#ftwd#troy otto#tracy otto#nick clark#ftwd trick#troy x nick#anyway#my art
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god it is so insane getting so close to the end of making this base. like it feels fake that in like a week from now im gonna have it out but IM SO CLOSEE to being done it is real i know i can hit that deadline.. but i feel like im in the infinite mental dragon prison tunnel
#i did the math even if i take out some work hours i did last year (~10-15ish on concept art) im still at like 3 whole 40 hour work weeks#which means the mental strain im feeling is just because im working enough as your average full time worker#but i am starting to feel a bit loopy from how long this project has been#i did have an autism breakdown like 2 weeks ago bc i did too much in 1 day so im trying to make myself take it a little easier#i will be CELEBRATING next thursday and im gonna order pizza or something#soap talks#im gonna take it easy and do commissions after this release itll be nice getting to do unique stuff again#actual status update though is im about 90% done and i need to just do some final assembly of files and record tutorials basically
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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