#feels so much like. “i bring progress to you” yknow? even when we know in the game context that yeah i guess

[first-blight]

hmmmm idk how i feel about the way the game handles khura'in.... i'll keep playing and observing....

[cultofdixon]

Caring for you, in my own way

Daryl Dixon [PLATONIC] • They/Them Pronouns • Non-Binary Reader • Daryl thought it was weird how attached you’ve gotten to him, but then he looks at how your dad treats you and if he were in your shoes? He’d be the same way • ANGST/SFW • TW: Domestic Abuse / Anxiety Attacks / Scars / Injuries / Parent Loss • Fuckton of flashbacks

Requested by: Anon

“Yknow what I’ve noticed?”

“Hm?”

“How close Y/N is to you”

“Seriously? Why are yea bringing that up now?” Daryl asks his best friend, Carol as the group was currently trying to find a home after the incident with Terminus…then the hospital…then the church…honestly, it all went downhill since this so called sanctuary came into frame. The walk they’re currently on, gave them time to talk.

“When should I have brought it up?”

“I don’t know. When we ain’t starving and dehydrated trying to find a place to call home…a time where I don’t gotta think about how much I’m screwing up”

“Screwing up with what?”

“Y/N”

________

Even Merle noticed how close this random kid was with his baby brother. They were about a year or two older than Carl and they would take every chance to get away from their parents. But especially their old man.

The kid’s name was Y/N. But Merle called them short-stack a lot because Daryl would always hold stuff above his head to get them from touching it. Especially when he started to try and make his own arrows because his bolts were breaking after overuse.

“No”

“But I can help”

“And hurt yourself? I said no” Daryl scoffs as Y/N plops on the ground beside him letting him work on the arrows. “When you’re older”

“Seriously?!” Y/N light up as they scooted closer to watch him carefully to take note of everything.

Merle laughed to himself at the sight of the two as it made him think of when that used to be like him and Daryl.

“[DEADNAME]!” Their old man yelled for them, Daryl watching their shoulders tense as they quickly got up heading over to the man while Merle brought himself beside his brother.

The two watched from afar noticing their father grab them forcefully and drag them into the small circle which was their family. Merle noticed his brother get tense and the grip he had on the bolt was at a force that could’ve bent the metal. He’s not the best with his emotions either but in the moment, one of his few good moments…he gripped Daryl’s shoulder making him stop his bottled up rage.

“All yea can do? Is be there for the kid” Merle states. “But the second he does anythin’ like our daddy in front of everybody? There ain’t no prison to go to” and that part was pure Merle, but Daryl would choose violence the second the kid was hurt by that son of a bitch.

________

The night crawls in and the cool weather was much nicer than hot Virginia heat from when the sun was still out. Daryl watches Y/N and Carl huddle up for warmth even if they were still feeling a bit of the heat exhaustion. So they leaned on each other but not too close.

Carol handed her canteen to Daryl with a look to give it to his kid as he was already going to do so before he caught a glimpse of the look.

“Hey, y’all gotta stay hydrated with what we’ve got” Daryl states handing the canteen to the two noticing Carl’s worried look for the same person as the archer instantly brought his attention to Y/N’s exhausted expression. “Hey…you there?”

“Mhm…” They mumble as they worked on getting the bottle open, leading Daryl to take it from them and open it up helping them.

“Both of y’all finish that, and give some to your sister if she’ll take it” Daryl states watching Carl nod as an indicator that he’ll make sure that Y/N gets some when they shared.

But as the night progressed and the fire started to go out slowly, Daryl found himself sitting up against a tree with Y/N fast asleep leaned up against him. He’d check every now and then if they were getting a fever from being out for so long in the heat.

________

“Who is that guy there?” Hershel asks Rick of the man looming over Y/N after taking their canteen.

“Y/N’s father”

“He got a name or did yea not bother”

“Nah he’s always kind of been to himself. Definitely doesn’t want the kid”

Hershel didn’t like hearing that last part, especially given their father was pushing them away whenever they wanted to ask him something. “Where’s their mother?”

“Dead. Lost her during a herd comin’ through. Almost the kid too if it weren’t for Daryl saying them”

That’s when they both watched Y/N instantly head toward’s Daryl when he came over to check on them after watching their father fail at his job. He handed them his water bottle before directing them toward the RV to help Lori, Carol, and Andrea with setting up the main campsite.

“Least they’ve got someone to care for’em”

________

“Rick, what’s the plan here?” Carol asks as she glances over to see how tired their people are but specifically the point where Y/N was close to collapsing from exhaustion and Daryl keeping them up with help from Maggie occasionally.

“Tryin’ to find a secure place for the storm comin’ in”

“Rick” Carol stops him for a second as the collective sigh that gave out from the others, out of relief gave him his realization. “We needed to find a place, yesterday. Or at least water! The creek is dried up from what the three (Maggie, Sasha, and Daryl) said when they went out looking, the heat has been striking all of us but Judith and Y/N especially…you knew from times on the farm and the prison how easy it was for some to get heat stroke. We haven’t faced a threat besides walkers…and even then we are too weak to take care of a herd. We need to find a place before—-“

And Y/N fell before she could even finish. Carol gave Rick another look that sent his mind racing even if the panic was already executing itself from Daryl as he got Y/N on their side.

“Who knows who’s next to take to the heat” Sasha frowns approaching the small scene as she did her best to help even if all they could do was collect Y/N and find a cool spot.

“I don’t even want to think about this happening to anybody else” Maggie states as the two heard Daryl’s annoyance in his growl.

“It happened! Stop worryin’ about the future and focus on now” Daryl snaps and that lead to another night spent in the woods.

While Carol kept an eye on Y/N’s unconscious form, their head propped up with Daryl’s vest. The archer went out during his watch in search for some form of shelter for the group to actually recuperate without the worry of a threat of any kind other than walkers. The moment alone led his mind to race.

I’m not cut out for this

I…Im the type to make it out alone

But all these people, I care so deeply for

And I feel like I’m failing

Especially them…fuck. Of course them

Seeing myself in their face when that bastard was still around…made me want to protect them even if the words never escaped to express such

My actions did. But now

Right now, I’m failing and I’m going to lose them too…

That’s when Daryl stumbled across it

________

“Are you okay?”

Daryl looks up from his lap after sitting outside thinking about what he had to do hours prior to returning to the prison. Ending his brother’s life after he had become part of the undead.

He half expected someone else, not Y/N to be standing there.

“Uh yea—-“

“You don’t gotta lie” Y/N frowns, knowing damn well that lying kept their true feelings to themselves but it would eat at them for a while. They weren’t about to let Daryl do such.

Because even if they aren’t blood, Y/N has always seen him as family given how he’s never turned them away when they needed him most.

Which lead to Y/N sitting with Daryl as he talked about the good moments he had with Merle and that he was an idiot for doing a Hail Mary for a handful of people that didn’t like him. But he guesses in a sense it was his last heroic act that helped them in the end…

“He was a good brother in his own Merle way”

“Yeah…exactly”

________

The small barn was a temporary luxury that the group used to recuperate.

Maggie sat against the wall with Y/N laying on the ground using her lap as a pillow after being instructed to do so. She carefully tucks away the hair that was stuck to their face resting her hand on their forehead making sure for his sake it wouldn’t get worse.

The group ran into a collection of water, that was up for debate, then it started to rain so they collected that water before heading to the barn. But Daryl went to the barn before that debate with Y/N keeping an eye on them until the group brought much needed water.

“How’re they doing?” Daryl whispers bringing himself to sit beside Maggie as she gave him a reassuring smile. “Good…good…did they drink any of the water or—“

“Daryl. Relax a bit. They did have some of the water and they’re cooling down.”

Daryl nods agreeing that he needs to relax but his attention never left Y/N’s sleeping form.

“Yknow…” Maggie starts knowing Daryl went to look at her. “Their old man scared me. Remind me of my daddy when he would drink, it was never a good sight”

“…Yeah, he was…fuckin’ scary”

“I wasn’t worried though. Once I got to know them, and who they look up to” Maggie shot Daryl a smile as everyone seems to be bringing that up or reminding him in a way…

That Y/N was important to him, and he was important to them…that their dad was just…some guy…while he took up that role.

________

“Y/N…? You alright?”

The teen avoided eye contact when hearing that their father didn’t make it outside the Terminus walls. They were still bitter about him not worrying an ounce when they were sick with the prison illness…but that doesn’t mean that they can just forget that he was their dad.

It was almost always bad, but some ounce of Y/N wanted to rekindle anything when they got older…hell. They can stop thinking about that now.

“He asked for it” Y/N frowns not knowing any other words to say as they quietly stepped away to take a second away from the group.

Maggie frowns watching the teen walk away and before she could show her sympathy or really any emotion, she watches Daryl follow them into the woods…leading her to curiously do the same.

The archer didn’t say a word to Y/N or even try to comfort them. He stood there making sure they didn’t do anything to hurt themselves and Maggie noticed Y/N realize that he was there which made them start sobbing. The man wasn’t keen on showing emotions, but being there was enough.

Daryl carefully took Y/N into his embrace holding them until they were ready to let go. Maggie didn’t even fully understand how close they were until then. He never showed his emotions before when around them, but then?

He didn’t dare let go

________

Alexandria…a strange new place, and a new luxury. Settling in the first night all together just to feel safer, Y/N stepped outside onto the porch when they noticed Daryl wasn’t inside anymore. They carried a blanket knowing the man would be keeping watch and it was always much appreciated.

Daryl heard the footsteps and turned to look at the teen, relieved that they are more active that night compared to the times of homelessness. He watches them cover him in the blanket and a bit of hesitance rested on their face.

“C’mere” Daryl lifted one side open for them to plop down beside him on the porch steps, getting under the blanket with him as the silence grew for a second. “You’re okay, I’ve gotcha”

And with that, Y/N fell apart leaning against him as he held them close letting the tears fall and the pain wash out the best it could. They were bottling up a lot…needing this.

Needing his security.

[penguinkyun]

chapter 147 review

you all know the superstition of walking under a ladder right? well the other day I walked under a ladder and I think all that bad luck has been relegated to this manga specifically. lets get into it shall we?

anyways to quote samejima abiko: you turned my babies into idiots. how in the name of hoshino ai did ruby not recognise Kamiki Hikaru, known to look a lot like Her Brother of Eighteen Years Hoshino Aqua, to the point he is Literally Cosplaying His Own Father in the movie. YOU ARE TWINS. HOW DID YOU NOT SEE YOUR OWN FEATURES. the only explanation is that they both received face blindness from ai. the reason why aqua couldnt find kamiki for years despite looking a lot like him. he just did not recognise the fucker.

honestly this chapter really just framed exactly how badly ruby has been done as a character by this arc. the movie arc is from chapters 108-147. that spans 39 chapters making it officially the longest arc in oshi no ko. In chapter 108, she is in double black hoshigan mode, angry at everyone, and especially at aqua for revealing their secret and wanting to get revenge on the guy who killed both ai and goro. we progress through till the interpersonal audition mini arc where ruby is confronted with her past life as sarina tendouji, forced to face her issues with abandonment and her previous toxic mother and the story was setting up to give her an understanding with ai and have actually deal with her past life issues…and then aqua had to go and be a good brother. im kidding, but really, the reveal hit a reset button on ruby’s behaviour but in a way that somehow also did a 180 even on her previous arc self.

@all-of-her-light has a really good post on rubys character arc so i won’t go much into detail but, the arc has a lot of contradictions with her; when ruby says she’s been acting all her life, but that recontextualizes her actions in a way that feels utterly wrong to who her character was established as, someone desiring to be an honest idol and going very far to emulate that. every single one of these threads are dropped in favour of ruby emulating a 2010s little sister, leaving very little room for any introspection about ruby with kana, aqua and even ai (despite 134).

like in 134 she sees the suffering ai had to go through and decides she won’t be an idol like her mother and in this chapter she? wants to be an idol just like ai? I thought she already got past this! And since this arc is ending wow has there been no resolution for the aqrb. incredible. this is like the rbkn conflict again, with no proper resolution aside from them being friends again, because none of the actual issues have been addresses, such as ruby intentionally shoving kana and mem out in the cold and bringing herself into focus in public eye (which was handled by management in the same way ai and first gen bkom was and well. we saw how that turned out.).

anyway. in the end ruby apparently has returned back to square one on understanding ai, with no resolution for either of her relationships with aqua and kana and we’re only left with the tiniest glimpse into how she feels about her father but nothing about yknow. ACTING AS HER MOTHER’S CORPSE FUCKING HELL—

despite ruby’s parallels with yura katayose before her untimely death via kamiki (back with the milk) i dont…really think he was going to kill ruby here. His expressions in this chapter are nowhere near murderous, and look rather concerned actually. Even when looking at his hand, it doesn’t look like he was trying to push her down the stairs, but instead reaching out to hold her shoulder or something. also

WHITE HOSHIGAN???????? WHITE HOSHIGAN HIKARU?????????

important lives, lives of value, the weight of life…these things do keep cropping up with kamiki huh?

ALSO NINO IS BACK SHES HERE SHES BACK EVERYONE THIS IS NOT A DRILL

so. i had theorized that the reason akane was so absent was because she was off doing detective stuff on kamiki and the actual reason is infinitely funnier. my darling girl. akane. were you perhaps by any chance stalking him to try and catch him in the act of literally killing someone. did you not fear for your life at all. i'm just imagining she gives the same glare everytime kamiki catches her in the act of stalking, like this is somehow exactly where shes supposed to be. good for her. its even funnier that both nino AND kamiki are aware of this and have just. done nothing. i need a montage of akane stalking kamiki stat.

I DIDNT THINK YOU MEANT LITERALLY AKANE

finally. some kamiki pov. this is enrichment for me. interesting he says "pay my dues" regarding what? ai? the twins? something else? also that kaburagi mention,,,, implying that he was the one to push for kamiki to be anonymous and not kamiki himself. the secret villain kaburagi agenda grows…

side note: it always strikes me how much ruby with double black hoshigan looks like a horror movie porcelain doll.

girl you are terrifying

anyway wow we're really. we're really skipping past the rest huh. so no introspection on how ruby feels playing the corpse of her mama and finally knowing exactly how everything went down that day huh. okay. thats really just par for the course atp.

and now again. the timeline, especially for hkai is…are we even filming in order? i thought we finished filming melt already…

here it looks like the actual breakup and this takes place post concert where hikaru brings the flowers (with kindaichi the tokyo blade director…shrimptresting) in panelling but we're shown theyre still on good terms during murder suicide. so the timeline we have for us in the movie is apparently:

hkai meet and go on a date -> ai confronts airi and hkai actually begin dating -> hkai are still on good terms a year before dome concert when murder suicide occurs -> breakup occurs sometime after that (making it quite recent before ai's death, which would make the conversation they have on phone make sense, with hikaru asking if ai wants to get back together)

the issue with that is how did ai hide this from everyone, incl. her kids? while i do think hikaru wanted it hidden because he goes off the grid from 16-25 im still??? how??? this is so confusing (they might've filmed out of order but then its still ????)

and we didn't get two major things: The I Cant Love You scene and whatever the forgiveness was about despite it being mentioned earlier this chapter. also kamiki has not been shown to be connected in anyway to the murders other than the movie becoming The Kamiki Movie halfway through so…aqua's plans that he came up with as a toddler sure are confusing huh.

and again. we were utterly robbed of any introspection ruby could've gotten on, once again finally knowing what happened that day considering no one told her anything and she only saw the blood on the frosted glass. speaking of people who know what happened, if we're talking about aqua, who has a panic attack every time he remembers this and was not shown to be present, im concluding gotanda kicked him off set for that moment. hes grounded. forceful self care by your mentor making sure you don't make yourself have a horrific panic attack again.

god. ending this review on a good note that i enjoyed hikaru's pov and nino being back but it really served as a highlight to why this arc annoyed me so much and especially rubys character assassination

sigh. break next week on account of golden week in japan and then finale or pre finale arc. lets see what that brings us, shall we?

[stevethehairington]

5, 20, 35 for wee woo show asks -@girlboygarfield

eeeeeeef hiiii ty for the ask friend!! 💕

5. Least favorite episode

i simply cannot answer this question with just ONE episode, bc my most HATED is a fucking THREE PARTER, CAN YOU BELIEVE. 😩 the fucking. season 7 opener. the fucking. cRUISE SHIP ARC MY BELOATHED. MY WORST ENEMY. genuinely, THEE worst opening disaster and one of THEE worst, if not THEE worst, arcs of the whole entire show.

i just. god. i don't even know where to begin with it. bc like. IT WAS A FUCKING MESS. A FUCKING MESS. seriously. like. it feels like when they were writing it they were like oh MAN we GOTTA do something that will top everything that came before this, it's gotta be BIG, it's gotta be CRAZY, and then they threw spaghetti at the wall and INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR NOODLES TO FALL, THEY WENT OH FUCK IT ALL STUCK HELL YEAH LET'S THROW IT ALL IN. i mean seriously. there was S O much going on and N O N E of it meshed well and it was just. so fucking MESSY in the WORST way.

like. starting off with making athena have all these like. mysterious issues with bobby and their marriage all of the sudden?? OUT OF LEFT FIELD. but then to like. have that and make them go through all of that AND THEN NEVER FUCKING BRING THAT UP AGAIN??? LIKE HELLO??? WHAT? WHERE? W H Y??

and then. bringing back fuckin norman and lola. like. that could've been a fun nod! but then it just got annoying lmao. i was like i dont caaaaare about these people!!!! there were SO many extra people. norman and lola and the dollar-store-chase-from-house-md-boat-dude and the numerous crew members and then the fucking family that home aloned their child on the boat like MY GOD SO MANY PEOPLE. when really all i wanted was to focus on BOBBY AND ATHENA.

AND THEN THE FUCKING PIRATES????? LIKE WTF??? they fr brought fucking p i r a t e s into the mix for them to hold the ship hostage for like 2.5 minutes and shout about a fucking dongle (which. MY GOD i know thats a real thing but PLEASE THAT WORD IS SO UNSERIOUS AND ALSO THAT WASNT EVEN A DONGLE) and then to fucking. leave and then never show back up again. like WHAT was the point. what was the point!!!!!

i just. ough. i had suuuuuch high hopes for the cruise ship arc, it COULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD, but then it fucking SUCKED and im still mad about it.

OH AND ALSO. THE WAY IN THE FINALE OF THE ARC THEY F I N A L L Y GAVE US THE REST OF THE 118 ONSCREEN BUT THEN FUCKING DIDN'T EVEN SHOW THE ACTUAL RESCUE.

genuinely. THAT is my villain origin story. ALL THAT FUCKING AWFUL MESS AND THEN WE D O N T EVEN GET TO SEE OUR HEROS SAVE THE DAY. ITS STUPID ITS SOOOO STUPID. they shouldve fucking nixed the pirate storyline and actually gave us the helicopter landing on the overturned boat, gave us buck and eddie and hen and chimney SAVING BOBBY AND ATHENA AND EVERYONE ELSE. im so fucking mad about this!!!!!! it was like the stranger things 2 days later EXCEPT A THOUSAND TIMES WORSE ACTUALLY.

ALSO. by not showing any of this, they realllllllllllly fucking shot themselves in the foot wrt bucktommy tbh. bc like. this was supposed to be their first meeting. this was suppose to be the origin of buck's crush, yknow, the one that makes him coocoo bananas enough to maim his best friend in the next episode. EXCEPT. BECAUSE we never see them interact (like. LITERALLY at all. we get maybe one exchange in the helicopter BUT EVEN THEN NOT REALLY), we never see them chat, we never see the cool things tommy does that makes buck go all starry eyed over it - so it makes it reeeeeeaaalllly fucking hard the next episode to understand where and why and how that crush even came about. (which - dont even get me started on this particular issue, the overabundance of offscreen relationship progression, for ALL couples not just bucktommy, bc it is perhaps my biggest pet peeve about this show and i could rant about THAT for hours gkflgdf)

BUT ANYWAYS. this was supposed to be a good arc!!! it had ALLLLL the opportunity to be that!!!! but it fucked SUCKED ASS and im mad about it and i will ALWAYS be mad about it.

(W O W sorry lmfao i went OFF there. did NOT realize that question was going to awaken something in me LMFAO)

20. Moment that made you cry the most?

oh my goddd okay. like. genuinely this show has made me cry SO many times, like ALMOST every fucking episode has something in it that makes me at least tear up, but i have DEFINITELY ugly cried at SEVERAL moments...... the only problem is i am now COMPLETELY blanking on all of them fskjglfdkgs. or, at least the one that made me cry the most. maybe this is a cliche answer, but the mitchell and thomas storyline truly got me so good it made me CRY. and then also since this is most recently in my brain, the madney wedding episode, but specifically the scene where chim is with the lees and they're talking to kevin. the buck begins end scene and the "i almost gave up" moment, like FUCK (already fucking EMOTIONAL scene and then they went and threw the song from fucking broadchurch my BELOVED over it which made it a thousand times more emotional to me). god i know there are so many more too but ough ough.

35. Underrated moment?

DO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS THE HILL I WILL DIE ON THAT LINE IS S O O O FUCKING UNDERRATED NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT AND IT SHOULD ABSOLUTELY BE TALKED ABOUT IT'S SOOOO IT'S S O O O O!!!!!!!

wee woo show asks

[tmwcs]

hello!! ^^ a big fan of your work, and I just had a question!! so ik that heethan is all rlly rough and dominant and that reader actually lowkey digs that, but has there ever been a time where reader genuinely cant take the pain and if so how does heethan react to that? (assuming that eden doesn’t yknow just take over or smth) I was just rlly curious to know!! <33

Thank you!! ❤️ 🥰

Ooooh yes I was asked this a long time ago and I feel the answer still stands, because heethan….hes just…he just loves you entirely too much. lol. Like the other heeleads, hes so obsessed with you that seeing you happy, in pain, or angry, he enjoys seeing every bit of you, so long as he is the one responsible for those reactions. He’ll never truly hurt you, but he will enjoy giving you some pain in the manner of installing pleasure. The other stuff like locking you up, punishing you, or playing mind games that end up mentally hurting you are some things he doesn’t actually enjoy, he just does it because he’s a yandere…a very hard and dangerous one. And it progresses.

He loves seeing you happy more than anything else. That’s top tier for him. BUT….if he had a session where his aggression and dominance truly hurt you….lets say it even makes you bleed and you become scared shitless, I’m telling you right now that the man is going to make you take it. He’ll make you take alllllllll of it and he’s not going to stop even if you scream, beg, bleed, or cower in pain and fear. He’s a very sick and twisted menace of a man who was driven mad all because of your existence, and that’s on both sides. Hell start off finding you adorable and may even coo you with his voice and say comforting words as he’s brutally thrusting…but the more you whine and beg him to stop, you’ll bring out his other side…Ethan. And that’s where it gets very….very harsh noncon. It’s very abrasive and uncomfortable and if I were to go into detail yall might really actually hate him or be scared of him. We all know how Ethan is….

But after all is said and done, when you’re laying there in great pain and feeling so abused and tormented by his actions, the man will be so tender and compassionate, a total 180 from how he was just a moment ago, no matter if he’s Heeseung or Ethan. once hes got his fill and enjoyed you, he’ll be so gentle.

He’ll heal you and give you anything you ask for. That’s the kind of fucked up and tormenting part about him that causes you to be so confused and ignorant of his rough behavior and two toned personality traits. Because you’ll soon forget how bad it hurt when Heeseung’s laying beside you, spooning you from behind and petting your hair while he sweetly kisses your ear, telling you how much he loves you. Or when Ethan walks over to the bathroom and grabs a soft washcloth, warms it up under the water and gently wipes your body down from head to toe, kissing your fingers and your legs as he does so, and telling you how good you were.

So yeah…you’re not going to like it because he’ll hurt you but then will heal you. Lol. It pretty much goes for all heeleads, just each of them have their own way of going about it. Heethan loves pain and pleasure and when you’re in pressing pain in the throes of pleasure, that excites him.

[starsmaligned]

song lyrics that i really vibe with that can possibly be used as starter inspirations so like send me one ig and i’ll see if i can answer it and start a lil thread thing yknow like an ask meme ( song names and links included ) PART ONE sorry they’re probably all really angsty - also feel free to reblog it if you want idk if this is gonna be of use to anyone else

“and i swear to god i’m through but the devil keeps bringing me back to you” live4 - short stack

“take me home, i’d rather die than be with you” if you wanted a song written about you all you had to do was ask - mayday parade

“and i didn’t know you were the one ‘til you and i were almost done” love at first fight - lany

“if it’s something serious then hit me up but until then, the door is shut” navy blue - the story so far

“you walk in, with the new boyfriend you met just last week. his big grin, he doesn’t know that you’ll leave him so broken and alone when it comes to an end” two beers in - free throw

“i miss the way you say my name, the way you bend, the way you break, your makeup running down your face, the way you touch, the way you taste” the death of peace of mind - bad omens

“and if you go, i wanna go with you. and if you die, i wanna die with you” lonely day - system of a down

“we still talk like every day, but we don’t talk in the same way that we used to” a part of me - neck deep ft. laura whiteside

“do you still think of me sometimes? were you ever even mine?” cameras & coastlines - smallpools

“life is crazy, baby, don’t forget the seatbelt” heaven, we’re already here - the maine

“i can take it if you need to take this out on someone” say anything - marianas trench

“maybe you weren’t the one for me, but deep down i wanted you to be” coaster - khalid

“moving on seems harder to do, when the one that you love moves faster than you” coaster - khalid

“if you wanted something more than you should’ve asked. would you please stop acting like the ex i never had?” ex i never had - lany

“can you tell i haven’t slept very well since the last time that we spoke?” stay - mayday parade

“i’ve been much better, but at least i’m healing. you know i haven’t slept since you left, but for me that’s progress” untitled - knuckle puck

“i’m sorry if i scared you when i slammed the car door” naruto themed sexting - panucci’s pizza

“they say that love is forever, your forever is all that i need” if i’m james dean, you’re audrey hepburn - sleeping with sirens

“i should not say i love you, but i feel it all the time” intersection - slaughter beach, dog

“i swear, this has gotta be the hundredth time i’ve thought of you tonight” your graduation - modern baseball

[mithliya]

I'm assuming you're a Muslim, and I truly apologize if you're not. But how do you deal with being a lesbian and not feeling any guilt or shame or even fear! I struggle alot. Same thing with viewing Islam as a religion when there's so many sexist and patriarchal things about it, but I can't let go because this is my religion.

im not the best to ask about reconciling religious beliefs with one's sexuality because i was never religious and was always skeptical of religion overall & in my case islam specifically. but ill share my process in hopes it will help & for those of u who come from more religious backgrounds, i encourage you to share your wisdoms with anon as i know my experience is not aligned with what anon needs.

so, i came out when i was 18 and i was very much afraid. i was mostly afraid not because i thought id be going to hell, because that idea didn't make much sense to me anyways, but because i was afraid of the reality of being gay (& especially a lesbian specifically) in my country. i literally felt like a wave of heat take over me and felt this weakness i can't even explain, its like i had a really high fever or sth. i knew i would lose the love & respect of many relatives and that id never be able to actually live a decent life in my country. we are so far behind in terms of gay rights, its not something people talk about yknow and theres no kind of community or orgs for us because its illegal to "promote" it in any way which means its illegal for such an org to even exist. theres no support for us.

at that time, i did look into more liberal & progressive interpretations of islam. it did help me a bit and it made me feel like i was doing something and promoting change that will maybe ultimately help gay muslims like myself. i thought maybe it would be possible to change how muslims view homosexuality bit by bit. so i looked into those things and surrounded myself with other gay muslims and would read about the interpretations from this one gay imam and id argue all the time about how qaum lut (people of lot) were actually not punished for homosexuality, that theres no actual mention of homosexuality, and that what is actually being criticised is them committing adultery (they were married men) & rape for power. i argued they werent even gay anyways and its been misconstrued for homophobic reasons.

i did this for a few years until i realised it was fruitless & theres no changing bigots, but looking at those interpretations at least did give me some kind of peace of mind that this idea of women being inferior and gay being a sin and all the other nonsense most muslims believe is at least not believed unanimously. so... idk how helpful it is but id recommend perhaps looking into that? it was part of my process & journey and maybe it'll at least bring you comfort and a peace of mind. the way ive seen religious muslims also think of it is like, it makes no sense to make gay people and then single us out for something we did not choose nor can change and just reaffirming the fact that if god does exist, then god would love gay people too. idk. good luck tho anon & i hope someone else has better input to provide

[anaalnathrakhs]

hm.

like don't get me wrong it's cool not being straight up bullied, but eeeeeh... being "one of the good ones" isn't really a position i like either? like i know half what they say is irrational venting that doesn't reflect their beliefs and the actions they think through, and the other half is like... bad but a work in progress and i don't want to be an asshole because nobody is perfect, especially not me, and cutting ties with them won't be any constructive.

but.

that being said.

it's starting to feel a little weird when they're mocking people behind their backs for like. not being stylish. being ugly. having trouble socializing. being fat (or not super thin and attractive anyway). having big boobs. being guys. being virgins. being bad at sex. not being amazing at school. etc etc. and uh. yknow. it feels very. backhanded. sometimes they compliment me on like, my outfit or something, and the same day they bring up a time where i was dressed like crap like, mocking me.

and i let it slide because. yknow. 99% sure most of that is caused by their own insecurity. and it doesn't happen all the time over everything, but they're not like, dead set, you can have a discussion with them and say otherwise. i try to gently counteract and bring other people's legitimacy into the conversation, without being fully frontally attacking their point or dismissive of what they think. but idk i feel like at least one friend has entered a kind of "us VS the world" dynamic and i'm... not super comfortable with letting that fester like i have so far. but on the other hand we're all ex bullied kids so im. very much not happy with the solution to just take distance. bc we're... attached at the hip pretty much. neither of us has many friends, and i dont know how she would react, and i don't know what ripple effect it would have on this social circle and how it'd affect me. but i can't imagine that to be a walk in the park. and i don't know how, if it's even possible, to make it as constructive and helpful and painless as i can make it to be. which obviously involves really thinking through what i feel, trying to see everybody's pov, what's my opinion and what's fact, etc. it's so fucking complicated. i'm aware that's the right thing to do, but im. lost on how, how to evaluate if i did it the best i could, etc. i don't want to just tell myself "well im aware i should take everything into account, so that counts as doing it" and call it a day, like i'm susceptible to do.

anyway. i've really said things i'm not proud of lately, but i don't know if it's, like, a me problem. maybe i just don't like venting by expressing anger (most of the time). maybe im too literal for this kind of floating irrationality that's just there to pass the nerves on and doesn't affect actions.

but also they do act on that. and they do sometimes talk behind each other's back, like criticize's someone's behavior the second they've left. and i do it too. and i recognize this is not a horrible rotten behavior or smth like that, we can't be confrontational, or pedagogic, or some shit, about any topic we might be right or wrong or completely subjective about all the time. and we can still discuss that with other people. but idk. it's a very... small social circle. i don't know where should the balance lie.

urrrghhh i'll figure it out.

oooooh i need to write smth here for the cutoff to work alright

wondering when exactly having friends is supposed to start being fun, because for now... i mean, maybe it's the depression sucking the joy out of the good moments and leaving me with nothing but the bad, but i'm kinda tired of trying to play switzerland to this entire school.

i don't want to be the person who says all mental illnesses need support and love uwu and then turn my back when my friends are acting irrationally or unpleasantly, but also... eeeeeeh i'm starting (and by starting i mean it's been like a year at least and then i wipe my memory every time i go home from the hangout) anyway i'm starting to feel a little. put off by the drama, and this mess of interpersonal relationships where your meta-friends barely can be in the same room together, and the constant talking behind backs, and the. well. the irrationality.

i know they're aware. at least for the most part. that they're talking shit for something that people can't be blamed for. and they're just taking out their nerves. and they don't genuinely believe that X or Y is an evil asshole who wants them dead. and i don't want to be all 🤓☝ bc it's important to vent frustration. but like. i never know when to try to intervene when they start actually acting upon this shit. like they have a point oftentimes, but they go about it in... an immature way? but, well, can i say i'm really doing better?

and idk. i know this is never going to be a fully healthy non-toxic friendship. we're older teens and young adults, who were all mentally ill and/or socially maladapted pretty severely at some point. we're all starting over from age 14 basically, except with the decisional power of a legal adult. but i think we can try to make the most of what we have, and try to get better progressively. we can't wait until we're fully formed optimal humans to be reintegrated, it doesn't happen without trial and error. and i genuinely want to do my best to be the best friend, best acquintance, best classmate, for the people around me. both for me and for them. so it's just... really hard to navigate. to know where to draw the line in the sand. to know what steps to take when something is appaling to me.

i don't know. shit is difficult and my friends are mean and i don't know how i am and i want to cry.

[dreamrecorder]

Ok so- idk if you’ve seen demon slayer;; but there’s this episode (it was during the spider fambam arc) aNywaYs- so like. Rui yeets ties* (i guess-) Nezuko like. Up in the air. With his weird spider thread jazz— and like. It’s sHarP weird spider thread jazz— so she’s like. Yknow. Being sliced and diced with string— but it kindaaa reminds me of like. Xiao. And his like.... weird... sad.... uh. Karma. Thing. Like y’know where he’s like hanging from his arms- red stuff. Yeah. So like. Now for the actual request

Xiao’s s/o (female if you don’t mind;;) gets kidnapped by like— the fatui or smth. And they tie her up like Nezuko :D to be like “lol haha Xiao be all like-” and she’s just. Like. Dying. Slowly. Dripping b l o o d and yknow. All the tea. And Xiao comes to rescue her— and he’s like 0-0 “wait...” and he realizes that’s like- exactly what happens to him- and so. He beats the fatui’s butts saves his s/o, anddddd she like.

Idk. This is where I need your angst expertise ❤️ like- she could d i e. In his arms. And poor Xiao would be so scarred omg poor thing- BUT THE ANGST- but at the same time;;;; the f l u f f of him being able to save her just in time and she was like fighting for him the whole time or whatever and ended up needing him to save her anyways- and then Xiao feeding her almond tofu until she gets better ❤️❤️❤️

IM SORRY THAT WAS SO LONG- im probably going crazy from lack of sleep from reading fics for too long sndndnsnsj

But if you do this,,, BLESS YOUR SOUL I HOPE TO EITHER BALL MY EYES OUT OR SQUEAL FROM THE WHOLESOMENESS-

Anyways.... thank you! Have a stellar day~ ✨❤️

The heart yearns and the wind heard

lmao this ask is so adorable i hope you’d enjoy this ksks

anyway, full Angst train up ahead but there are moments of Fluff too. There are mentions of blood and violence if those are not your thing- dont worry guys, this goes with a happy ending cos you and Xiao deserve one~ on a final note- non canon compliant and suuuuuuper long- like- legit this is very long

The Yaksha sighs.

He’s here again. His mind and heart has returned his being into this crimson world his demons have created within him.

He feels it. He feels the corruption binding him tighter again for every death he brings by his tainted hands.

He looks at his bindings. And ever so slowly, the red and black coiling around his person will eventually reach his heart.

One day, he thinks, all this crimson and black in this world will swallow him whole and he will see the light no more.

Xiao sighs again.

This is his karmic debt.

~

The moment you stepped foot within Wangshu Inn, you knew he was in his prison again. After giving a quick greeting to the inn keeper, you hastily went to Xiao’s room. The closer you got, the heavier the atmosphere became.

You reached his door and knocked softly. As expected, no reply as he continues to struggle to take back his control over himself. Without hesitation, you stepped in. To anyone else, they would have instantly met his spear at their throats, but with you, this doesn’t happen. Instead, you see him crouched on the wooden floor with a hand on his chest. His knuckles were white and his breathing was ragged. His amber eyes- lost. Observing his form, yes… his moments of corruption are becoming progressively worse.

With swift steps of familiarity to this routine, you went to him and grasped his shoulders.

“Xiao, it’s me…” You whispered with clarity. And oh- how your voice brought a wave of comfort to his soul.

“N-name…” His voice cracked, but him calling to you is always a good sign.

You gave him a small smile and proceeded to grasp his hands together with yours. After which, you then leaned your forehead to his to chant your prayers. As your prayers progressed, slowly but surely, the corruption begins to fade along with the black mist that covered him. However, you took note how this ritual took longer than the last.

Once everything is done, Xiao just slumped onto your shoulders, still breathing deeply. “How are you feeling?” It was a useless question you asked every time this happens, but you always, always, have to make sure.

Usually, he would mutter a small ‘fine,’ but now- words seemed to have left his mind and all he could muster was an almost-unnoticeable shrug.

Truth be told- his response disheartened you, but you did not show it. Instead, you opted to simply encase him in your arms and caress his hair. After all, these are just one of the few, rare moments Xiao would leave himself into your care. Xiao is aware, himself, that his state has been becoming worse and worse. And you both know, that a day would come when he would just attack anyone- friend or foe- without a trace of hesitation. So, just this time- he speaks his feelings.

“Name?”

You answered immediately with a questioning hum.

“What would you do… when I finally lose control over myself?”

It was very subtle, but he felt how your hand stopped caressing his hair for a second, then proceeded to the previous task at hand again. In all honestly, you can never find yourself having an answer to that question. “And why would I ever let that happen to you?” You questioned back, fully aware that you were dodging his question.

Silence surrounded the two of you, unsure on what to do with the sudden heavier atmosphere.

Not wanting to face the cruelty of the world yet, Xiao simply buried himself on the crook of your neck even more. And despite the ghostly sensation of his lips on your skin, you could feel him mouth the words ‘I love you.’

“As long as I’m here,” you whispered, “nothing can hurt you.” And that was the most beautiful lie that the Yaksha has heard, but he was willing to believe all the same.

~

When word about Fatui diplomats starting a bank reached you, there was a nagging feeling in your head that trouble would bring itself present anytime soon. It was like an itch that wouldn’t get away. And the only way to have that itch gone is to scratch it.

“You are absolutely a fool.” Xiao stated darkly with crossed arms, for once disagreeing with the plans of his master.

“We can never know what their intentions are unless we let them start their bank, no?” Zhongli said as he gazed at the marsh spread beneath him.

The Yaksha only scoffed but said no more.

Building up your courage, you deemed it was your turn to voice out your thoughts, “Um… Rex Lapis, I see your point, but wouldn’t it be best to resolve the problem before it persists into something larger? We all know- All of Teyvat knows, that the Fatui are not to be trusted.”

Your archon offered you a kind smile, “I understand your worries, Name. However, as of the moment, they have not presented themselves as such. If they truly are our enemies, then it would be beneficial for us to know their intentions.”

You frowned deeply at his statement. Seeing you do so, somehow, your archon immediately identified your main concern.

“Is this about the Tianquan assigning you to be her representative for the Fatui?”

The moment those words left his mouth, a growl tore from Xiao’s throat, but he held his tongue.

“Did Ganyu tell you?”

The Archon nodded and you sighed.

“I volunteered, actually.”

And at that point, Xiao vanished into thin hair, but you could still his sense his presence around.

“May I know why?” Zhongli questioned gently.

For a moment, you struggled for words. You didn’t know how to describe this ‘itch’ to him. “At first, it was supposed to be Ganyu, since in the Tianquan’s eyes- Ganyu is an adeptus and she does not know that I am, too. Perhaps she didn’t want to put me in harm’s way, a ‘visionless human’ at the side of a harbinger. After some convincing to Ningguang for my volunteering, I spoke to Ganyu next.

“The adepti are divine beings that walk here in Liyue. I had this feeling that putting a divine next to a power-hungry harbinger would become an issue. I told Ganyu that, since I looked ‘harmless’ and ‘ordinary,’ the harbinger’s interest about the divine would never surface.”

A stretch of silence wrapped around them as Zhongli pondered over your words. “Perhaps, are you also planning to dig out the truth of their arrival?”

You nodded, “I knew you would allow them to stay, so I just took it upon myself to unfurl their secrets.”

“Hmmm… I grant you permission on doing this. However, should trouble arise, do not hesitate to tell us.”

~

The glare pointed at you was strong. Even without him saying a single word, you could hear his phantom voice in your head speak with such coldness, What are you thinking?

You simply gave him a reassuring smile, “I’ll be fine, Xiao. I may be a human in mortal eyes, but please do remember that I am also an adeptus, no matter how weak I am.”

Xiao releases a huff, but still sits by your side at the floor of the balcony, letting the moon kiss his skin. “You’re not weak.” He mumbled as he snaked his hand to yours.

To him, you will never be weak. In fact, you were the strongest being he has ever laid his eyes on. Not physically, no. It was you mental and emotional fortitude. Back during the Archon War, he always admired how you kept your head held up high no matter the suffering you have experienced. No matter how much death surrounded you, you still fought. And that strength made you a survivor. During the war, you never failed to help the wounded. Even when someone dies under your care, you held strong for the departed and for those who are left behind. You were a pillar of hope.

He brings your hand to his lips and kisses every knuckle “… Just be careful. If ever you are in trouble do not-“

“Hesitate to call your name.” You finished, beaming at his words.

~

As someone who used to be a healer and a doctor, you were quite familiar with several mild skin diseases that mortals can suffer from.

If there is an itch, you do not scratch it- for you will only aggravate the area even more.

Now that you’re working alongside the Fatui as the Tianquan’s representative, the itch you kept feeling was only irritated more. Especially whenever you spoke with the Harbinger who goes by the name Childe. And since your work requires you to cooperate with him, you also don’t miss the chance to discover what he hides, should the opportunity presents itself.

Childe… his azure eyes certainly have their… charm to those unaware. However, you knew better. You know he’s capable of drowning you just by his eyes. While he may be a cheerful man, his eyes lack the lustre of joy. The eyes are the windows of the soul, yes? If so, all you see is an unending ocean that you do not want to swim in. The surface may be calm, but the deep is relentless. However, duty bound you are- deep within the ocean, you shall find the secrets the Fatui hides.

Again, another scratch to the itch, but it only irritates you more.

~ 

The news of Rex Lapis’s death became the catalyst of you confronting the Harbinger. From Yujeng Terrace all the way to Northland Bank, you ran (with Ningguang’s permission of course). Before you can even open the door to his office, something caught your eye.

It’s faint, but you’re an adeptus. You sensed elemental traces, just smack bang at the middle of the door. You carefully scrutinized the tracings, and fortunately you knew Snezhnayan script. And what you read only made your heart sink.

It’s ready.

With the adeptal arts, you managed to uncover the origins of these elemental tracings.

Scratch.

Without hesitation, you followed these tracings until it led you into some ruins.

Scratch.

Following the tracings further, you find yourself in a dimly lit room. Wary, you summoned your weapon imbued with your element.

Scratch.

Searching the room, you came across several antique boxes. You opened them.

Scratch.

What you saw were familiar. Too familiar. Dimming the room more with your element, you find more Sigils of Permission hanging on the walls and on the ceilings. The energy within them were faint, but with enough numbers, it’s enough to kill a-

“Well, well well, I thought you’d be there mourning for your Archon. But here you are, snooping around someone else’s research material.”

The sound of his voice made you sharply turn your head to him, your stance now more offensive. “What are you planning?” You bit coldly.

The Harbinger hummed a small tune, “Nothing much… But! If you’re really curious, I guess I could tell you.” He hummed some more but you knew he’s not finished. Once he finished his tune, he grinned to you menacingly and the depths in his eyes became even deeper and darker, “After all, I won’t let you leave this place with you knowing my secret~”

~

There was this one time, Xiao struggled against himself so much, he scratched himself red so that he could anchor himself back to the real world. You remembered how much you cried as he slept in your arms. You never wanted to see him do that again. Seeing him hurt himself also hurt you, too. It was like a stab in the heart, then a twist, and twist some more. A slap in the reality that you might lose him one day.

As he slept, you solemnly observed the wounds he sustained himself to. They were angry red, just like blood.

Now, you, yourself scratched that itch in your head too much into a wound for blood to seep through. You scratched too much and now you have to bleed from it.

~

You were slipping in and out of consciousness. Sleep was tempting you more and more but you know you have to wake up. You were aware that this is going on for days.

Everything hurts. You remembered how his blades, imbued with the Sigils, weakened you thoroughly. Every slash he brought to your body just drained the energy away from you. But still you had to do something.

He wanted an adeptus- he wanted an adeptus in order for the Sigils to grow stronger both in number and in power.

Now here you are, bound by chains and suspended at the middle of this empty room. These chains were adorned by talismans that drained away your energy. You were bleeding from your wounds of your previous battle.

Drip. Drip. Drip goes the blood and pools on the ground underneath you. The ground, you barely noticed, was lined by Liyuean script which enacts the ritual of the Sigils draining your divine power from your blood.

To the eyes of a sadist- you were a picture perfect in a canvas. A dark room lined by the damned Sigils, glowing an eerie gold. Then there's you with your bloodied clothes and chains. The red pool underneath was casting a red glow on your way, giving you a red shade to your pale skin.

Everything hurts-

And everything was driving you mad.

You can also feel the Overlord of the Vortex feed from your energy through the Sigils. You sensed his lust for power and revenge. You felt his anger and the corruption within him. You felt his hatred and his want to bring death. For days that felt like years, you’ve been battling against that very same god in your head. This battle was not something you shall not lose to and failure is not an option. If you fail here, then Liyue will fall. 

This god- he was driving you mad slowly.

If ever you are in trouble, do not hesitate to call my-

You shut the thought from your head. You are not going to call him. You will not speak of him. You will not think of him. You will not call him. Not to this place where his corruption will grow. No. You Will Not Call Him.

If it means that me not calling you will keep you safe from the corrupted remnant of a god- so be it. 

Please

However, no matter how much you denied yourself to call his name, no matter how much your heart yearns to be with him- the wind does not ignore the pained sob that left your lips.

~

Ever since the news of Rex Lapis's death and the visit of the Traveler with a Sigil in his hand- the corruption within him just bloomed into something feral.

The Sigil- there was something wrong about it but Xiao doesn't know what is it that is wrong. Then there's you- where are you? Surely with the news of their Archon's death- it would send you to bring forth a meeting for the adepti to talk this over. But now- for days- you remain not by his side.

With you missing- the demons inside him are slowly taking control over him, taking advantage of his vulnerability for you. For each passing day, it was slow torture for him- The worry bubbling in him was consuming him. He glared at the Sigil between his fingers and not failing to notice how his dark aura covers him once more. 

“Traveler,” Xiao called sharply, “What is it you intend to do next?” 

To any mere mortal, the look his eyes held were enough to strike fear, but the Traveler stealed themselves- meeting the adeptus’s gaze with an equally serious calm. “I have my suspicions on a certain harbinger and I-”

“Where?” The Yaksha growled.

“In the Golden House.”

Without a word nor warning, Xiao placed a hand on the Traveler’s shoulder and teleported them to the place where the Exuvia is hidden.

To the Traveler, everything happened so quickly as one event led to another. One moment, they were standing among unconscious bodies of the Millelith then the next thing they knew a corrupted and demonic gust of wind flew them away to the side. Regaining back their vision, they could see Alatus’s spear now at Tartaglia’s barrier made of Sigils. 

Alatus narrowed his eyes at the floating talismans and began to calculate the flow of this incoming battle with precision and accuracy despite his losing control over himself. 

It was a tense minute of sizing each other up, but eventually, Tartaglia has broken the silence with his annoying innocent voice. 

“Who would have thought that I’d have the honor of fighting another adeptus of Liyue?” 

The question immediately fed the corruption within him, the dark aura exploding at it. He knew that he should not believe in the Harbinger’s words so easily, but the glint in the latter’s eyes held truth. You could be out there, hurting, scared, alone. You could be out there, bleeding out. You could be out there dyi-

His aura exploded once more at the thoughts spreading in his being. With a burst of unspeakable power, Alatus lifted his weapon and pierced the barrier once more, this time breaking it without failure. At the threat, Tartaglia backed away as he donned his mask.

In a similar fashion, Alatus, too donned his mask. “I will ask you once,” the Conqueror of Demons spoke with a deathly calm, “Where is she?”

~

He should have killed him then and there. But the call of the Overlord of the Vortex must not be ignored as it threatens Liyue. 

In the small opportunity of escape, Childe took it. But he was weak and injured as Alatus swiftly threw his spear to block his way and teleported right in front of him. In a show of power, the Conqueror of Demons lifted the mortal by the neck.

“I will ask you again, where is she?”

In fear, Childe told him everything and at his every word, Xiao listened carefully- never speaking once. But the anger within his heart, it boils- it rages. His amber eyes bored into Childe’s soul- thinking what he should do to this mortal. Oh how killing him would be so nice. However, when the Yaksha’s gaze landed on the regal form of the Exuvia, he merely threw the mortal in its way.

“Killing you would have been easier. However, the crimes you have presented against Liyue are not mine for me to judge.

I leave the Harbinger to you... Rex Lapis.”

Once out of the Golden House, the Overlord roared once more, shaking the lands of the nation. However, along with it, he heard the faintest of voices. I’m so sorry... I couldn’t hold him back anymore. 

Only then did the demons in his heart freely took control of him. Just like the stories of old, where the Yaksha walks, death follows. But they were no stories. In his way towards the ruins where you were held captive, every step he took brought carnage and even more death and blood to taint his hands. No Fatui will leave this place alive. The very being of destruction ended many lives. Each death, the demons were growing stronger.

All he wanted now was to kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill killkillkill killkill kill killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill

Then seeing you suspended in the ceiling and bound by chains. Blood was painted on your lifeless skin. Wounds were littered and bruises were blooming on your form. But most of all, your eyes. What were once full of life and hope- now empty and blank. His demons quieted down.

Broken. You were like a broken porcelain doll.

“N-name...” His voice cracked, not believing it all.

With haste, he quickly broke your binds and caught you in his arms. he was fast to check for your pulse and your breathing. And thank the Archons, you were breathing but barely. You were now walking the line between life and death. With all his might yet a gentle caress, he hugged you for dear life. “Name... It’s me...”

But still, your eyes still held no recognition and it shattered his heart to pieces. With further inspection, he sensed the presence within you. A corruption. A certain evil. 

“Name, stay with me please,” Xiao begged with desperation as he fought back tears. “It’s me who supposed to be the corrupted one between us, not you... I’m not allowing you to leave me, you hear me-”

With a ritual of the adeptal arts, he started purging and purifying the evil left by the god who fed from you. He is not letting you stay alone in your prison, not for a second longer. 

Xiao prays and he never prayed before. Even to his master. But just this once, He prays with desperation. You are the light in his darkness. You are the moon in his night. 

The ritual was a delicate process. For every word he spoke, he was rewarded by your screams of pain and the writhing of your fragile body. He wanted to stop, but he can’t. He had to physically restrain you from trying to escape from his embrace and from hurting yourself. And for every cry you released, Xiao merely shuts his eyes clos just for him not to see your pained eyes. Every now and then, Xiao speaks gentle apologies and words of encouragement for you. You were coming back. But still, the evil persists.

You writhed and scratched against him, until you were creating more wounds for blood to seep through. When it came to a point, you began pleading and begging for him to stop, that was when Xiao had shed a tear. So he continues the ritual, his prayers, and his apologies. They were arriving to a point where the ritual is reaching its conclusion but your screams only grew louder.

Please, just a little more...

Please, just stop...

Please...

The corruption disintegrated away from you in a forceful release of dark energy. He was breathing deeply, attempting to calm his loud heart. When he placed his gaze on you, you were breathing rapidly and your eyes were searching blindly and your hands were desperately holding onto him.

“X-Xiao...” You whispered, “Where am I? Where are you?”

With a sigh of relief, the Yaksha hugged you again closer and his forehead to yours, fearing you would go away again. The action made you lift your hands to his face, still searching blindly.

“I’m here, Name... I’m here.” At his voice, the dam in your eyes broke as you cried silently. Xiao was not adept in emotions, but for you, he will face them gladly. He lets you cry as he gives you soft whispers of assurance, safety, love, and promises. However, you were not crying because of what had happened to you. You were crying for him. After experiencing such corruption-

You sobbed some more- you were this close to him losing you and you could not bring yourself to imagine if your roles were reversed.

“P-please,” you said with a broken voice, “please don’t go to the place where I can’t follow...’

The words, at first puzzled him, but after a few moments, he realized and once more it broke his heart. Bringing you closer, Xiao let loose the tears he was holding back. With a gentleness unexpected of the Conqueror, he simply littered your face with kisses. “I promise if only you would do the same.”

With your smile that he loved dearly for so long you too spoke your promise, “I do.” They were simply two words, but the comfort they bring into the Yaksha’s heart was in volumes.

After that, you shared a few tender moments in each other’s arms. Simply relishing the feeling of their familiar warmth. A little later, Xiao spoke, “Would you like to eat some Almond Tofu once we get home?”

The question made you giggle at his innocence, so you agreed. Despite you needing physical medical attention. But Almond Tofu with him? Yes, you two definitely need some emotional healing.

A/N: fINALLY dONE lmao this was supposed to be short but angst really makes me want to write longer everytime haha~ anyway this request really made me ponder bout genshin stuff with all the corruption this and corruption that but then a question popped up like-

how did childe replicate the sigil of permission? since sigils are imbued with divine energy, i just thought how did this guy accumulate so much sigils to the point of freeing Osial- a god!!! soooo i just played with the idea for a bit then figured out maybe these pieces of paper get the divine energy from a divine source right? and the adepti are divine beings of liyue and another thing- you guys might have noticed the change of names in some scenes- i dont know but i think somehow different names represents different side of a person like- we have childe the cheerful harbinger then tartaglia the power hungry harbinger- there’s Alatus who’s calculating and cold, there’s the Conqueror of Demons who’s ruthless and unforgiving, then Xiao who is calm and humane- lastlyyyyy i might post this in ao3 ksks

[kim-ruzek]

I've tried to keep my mouth shut and show empathy were I can in this CP fandom, especially since I have been an avid watcher since season 1 but I can't hold it in any longer. I will miss Jesse a whole bunch and this is a very sticky situation. But reading tweets from people telling Burzek stans to let fans grieve a character that is leaving, to stop being judgemental and to not trash what someone else loves.

But excuse me, this goes both ways. The amount of nasty tweets from Upstead stans is unbelievable! Just some of the things I've read about Burzek from Upstead stans - "rinse and repeat ship", "Burzek winning by default", "sloppy second ship" and "Upstead is the superior ship".

The advice also applies to them, you can be angry all you want but don't trash or demean what others in CP fandom love.

Asking Burzek stans to show empathy and grace while we are given none in return is what makes this fandom not a nice place to be a part of. I support Jesse and I wish him the absolute best but this experience has left me mentally drained and exhausted trying to stay positive about the characters, ship and show that I love. I can't imagine the words that are going to be said as the season progresses.

Ugh I mean a huge amount of upstead stans are just (yknow probably won't put words to this, that's for my dms only ascghjkgh gotta have plausible deniability after all lol) but twitter + upstead stans... they're the ones that brings out the petty in me (if you know you know).

I think it's just so ridiculous that it's hard to grasp what other fans not of upstead are frustrated by. Like I give them a lot more benefit of the doubt than I would ordinarily because like grief makes your emotions weird but also I don't have much good faith left in me because of their frustrating attitude for the last year and a half (when I joined the fandom fyi not saying they've only been like that since then). Like if they're attitude was different earlier on I'd have a lot more good faith but eh.

It is utterly ridiculous as well because by far and large they are what makes this fandom not nice (although there are so Wild burzek stans out there, on twitter) and like just I know that if it was marina or paddy leaving they wouldn't even give an ounce of empathy or grace that has been shown to them. And everyone's given them a LOT of empathy... We just want also to be able to be excited about this show still.

The nasty tweets are really so Out There, especially all the ones you quoted, like what gets me is the innate competition built into them. Like the concept of a ship winning isn't actually meant to be an actual competition, and when it is it's only when there's a common character in common (but even then I'm like don't make it one), and calling one ship superior (in this context) is just,,, that's not what fandom is about. Everyone has their merits and demerits of ships and it's just not able to be compared in that way. Like I personally don't see the point of upstead (I do technically but imo a lot of it has been tell not shown) but that doesn't make it inferior, especially because I know how much it means to others.

Also I just find the whole attitude towards burzek fans insane and ridiculous and I'd say I'm shocked that it hasn't changed during this whole news thing but I'd be lying. And Im not looking forward to what is going to be said during the season, and it's going to make me petty, I know it is, and I hate that bc I love Jesse and I don't want to be counting the time down to when he'll leave (although the attitude probably won't stop after that).

Thank you for this ask!! 💖 Sorry for the rant a little, I cut myself off before I went too in depth, but I guess I'm feeling a little grumpy today (I was going to answer with more decorum especially as I've been interacting with some lovely folks of late but I'm a bit of a grump-- despite, lol, me watching taskmaster clips to get myself in a better mood before answering ascghjkgh)

[yostresswritinggirl]

hello, i love your writin'!! seriously, it's so cool to read and im just ajdhsish and this is the first thing- second thing, would you be comfortable with writin' albedo x gn reader (headcanons are cool yknow!) who dislikes goin' outside alone? like, they worry that somethin' bad will happen to them or are a bit scared of doin' things that might go wrong around people, so they prefer goin' outside with someone? (they also want to get rid of their fears but have no ideas how) i will understand if you don't want to so dw!! 👉👈

First thing, thank you so much for requesting! This took a while, I'm so sorryy! This was supposed to come out yesterday but I got sick and barely had the brainpower to even stand :(( feels better now tho so yey? And yess ahhh thank you for your kind words, you guys have been wonderful too, give yourself some credit too!

This is the last Albedo request in the inbox and woohoo, we ended this streak in one of the hard prompts I've come by so far ahaha

I'm not sure if I interpreted anon right but this shall be a fic as originally requested? I'm apologizing in advance because I don't think I've captured this scenario well enough hehe,,, but I hope you still enjoy this!

Keep Me Intertwined

Albedo with a gn!reader that's scared of going out alone (Mild Social Phobia?)

Albedo is a genuis, everybody knows that, even beyond the walls of Mondstadt. Praised and sought out by scholars to ask for his wisdom and a majority of the time they receive their desired enlightenment.

Indeed, the Kreideprinz is a genuis even if he says otherwise, but he's a genuis in the art of Kemia. And only that. Truth be told there are a lot of things he lacks when it comes to knowledge, as his focus is only in the science he wants to explore. Beyond that, he comes close to a child's understanding of the world.

When he bumped into you when he was strolling through the stalls during a market fair of travelling merchants, he'd thought it would be something he can shrug off easily, but as he moves his head to look at the perpetrator he'd hear a squeak of a "sorry" and a running figure. What?

Albedo silently pats himself down as he continues to watch as the silhouette disappears farther, with a calculating gaze to memorize all their features for... future references.

After he made sure it wasn't a thief that bumped to him to pickpocket, he immediately moves on without another thought.

"Ah, you're the one from the marketplace yesterday." In all honesty, your second meeting was quicker to come than he expected, and at the most curious location of all places. In the Knights of Favonius HQ. How had he not heard or seen of you before?

Your shoulders tense at the sound before you even closed the door of which you came from. This was a room he's never seen anyone use, he realized. Was this where you've been residing all this time? What an oversight on his part but it seems that you two share the common practice of barely leaving your quarters.

When you turned around, behind those surprised eyes lies a gentleness of relief he has not seen a mixture of in the ones he'd observed before. "O-Oh, Chief Alchemist! I'm really sorry about that, I was- I'm really sorry!" He hums in contemplation before shaking his head, assuring you it was a matter that caused no harm.

There was more to it, but his thoughts are distracted with his current task at hand, and with a short goodbye he made his way out down the hall where the stairs resides.

His heavy boots clap on the carpeted floor...

Paired with shuffling light ones to try and match his stride.

Huh? "Are you perhaps going outside?" He confirms with a soft yes as he continues his walk. What are you implying? "Is it okay if I join your company? I uhm also need to get some stuff from outside." He just nods, not one for small talk or questioning. It's nothing much to think about really—

Your loose and subtle grip around the chains hanging by his coat seem to ground him from his musings as you two traverse through Mondstadt in a normal gait. He tries not to think about it too much, but the way you look around with unease when you near other people or your desperate strides to stay a respectable distance to him were things he observed during the walk. Albedo was no man of science focusing on human personality and it bothers him.

It was like a game of cat and mouse between you two running errands, he'll detour to the side and you'll follow him, and if you need to drop by to a building then he'll have to follow you.

And he doesn't know why. Is it because of his mannerism towards taking care of Klee? Or his feeling of responsibility for bringing you along?

During this whole ordeal the Chief Alchemist has brought himself a bright idea (it is not) and went into his scientific mode. He watches you talk to one of the citizens about a commission you had finished yesterday and after confirming your undivided attention, he quietly slips away from the area to visit the Alchemy stall where Timaeus would surely be working on.

It took about an hour before he was allowed to use the table, because Timaeus took so long working on his forgery. Goodness that man needs to work on his studies more.

Ah, speaking of— Albedo realized he'd just up and left you for an hour. Without a second thought he retraced his steps to where he had last seen you. Surely you would have gone off to do your own thing, probably finished up your errands by now and had gone back to the Knights headquarters.

An unmoving force made him tumble forward as his coat seemed to have been caught. If you were there, it would be a sight to see, a rare moment of the Kreideprinz so uncomposed and shocked as he catches himself with a sputter. What the hell? His head snaps to look over his shoulder at such incredible speed, you'd thought it really would have snapped—

The clutch on his chain accessory tightens. With your head down low he couldn't see what expression you were, but your tense shoulders shake with a tremor similar to that of an on-going earthquake. His guilt was more obvious as your knuckles turn white from the deadly grip.

"Albedo-!" You exclaimed in what seems to be a cross between a whine and a whimper. "You disappeared, I couldn't- I couldn't leave..."

He hides a sigh as you refuse to look up to show your face. And in a comforting manner he has 'mastered' with a certain someone, he gently pries off your tight grip (with some urging pats to get you to loosen) before interlocking your fingers with his gloved ones. And he smiles as genuinely as he can, "I'm sorry, I won't do it again. Are you done here? It's almost night, we should get moving."

Your nod of agreement was a breath of fresh air to him.

▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱▰▱

Days after that were pretty much as uneventful as uneventful it could be for Albedo's lifestyle.

Holed up in his laboratory for days without rest like the madman he is. Master's alembic and grounds of scarlet quartz able to keep his mind occupied to not wonder. Hyperfocused, no one has seen him out, only Sucrose dropping by with an 'assistant pass' despite the experiment on-going sign hanging by his doorknob.

When he finally stepped out to the hallway, three days already passed. The door behind him clicks as it locks, a sound that echoed with the door four rooms apart to his.

Kaeya looks up from your doorknob when he noticed the approaching silhouette. "Oh, Chief Alchemist? Finally came out of your cave." He quipped as he leans his shoulder against your room's door, visible eyebrow raising slightly after noticing the fleeting gaze Albedo passed at the door.

"Cavalry Captain, good evening. What were you doing there?" Straight to the point.

The taller man's eyebrow rose higher before he composed his amusement. "I didn't expect you to be into rumors, Albedo." The Alchemist's brows furrows in response. "No harm done, worry not. I just accompanied them on their trip outside before retreating for the night."

Humming to himself, Albedo's eyes wonder back to your doorknob before it was protectively shielded by the man's... white fur cloak?

"I also heard you left them alone when you two were out. I didn't expect you to be such a cruel man, amping up their fear after the progress they've made." Fear? Progress? More questions swirled within the genius' mind the more he talked with this.

Kaeya had noticed his faraway look and pieced together the context. Finally, he offered to explain the background of the issue and Albedo was ecstatic to listen in, a first with the blunette.

"Do you understand it now?"

"Mhm."

"Then I'll leave them to your care, I'm sure your genius mind can come up with something."

"Huh?"

And thus you find yourself standing at the bottom steps of the Ordo Favonius HQ the next morning, hand in hand with the Chief Alchemist you've last seen four days ago. Doesn't he have better things to do? No, he reasoned the solution he worked on will take two days to formulate the desired sediment, and so he has that timeframe free for the taking.

You would have been confused and wary he'd abandon you again—

Were you not forced to listen to the two dummies talk about YOU right outside your ROOM.

"You uhm, you don't have to hold my hand during this whole trip, Master Albedo."

"Albedo." He corrected. "And this is necessary, much more convenient and predictable than pulling on my chains really." A touch of a blush framed your cheeks with embarrassment.

"I have nothing in my itinerary today, so feel free to tug me along. It is, after all, the most I can do for what happened."

Despite the rough texture from the long use, the leathered hand in yours brought about more comfort than you would have thought.

Bonus:

The solar isotoma sparkled in pure golden beauty in front of you, but it didn't prevent the anxiety bubbling inside as you watch Albedo hop over the ledge with the help of his geo construct. "What- what are you doing?"

"Experiment. I'll be up in the roof looking over you so you'll know I'm still here, if it makes a difference if your company is far from arms length or not." He replied as he casually hopped over to the roof of a housing unit.

"Albedooo!"

I didn't get to capture all the aspects of the request that I wanted to focus on ahhhhh, I got so conscious of the length I had to stop it! Still ack I hope I captured his personality and context well— and I'm sorry if I amped up the fear more than you gave, I'm not really sure how bad it was supposed to be skskskks

But hey, this being the last Albedo req in my inbox, I am now free from this man *happy sigh* //:Albedo smut leading the leaderboard for the followers event looms over from behind:// *sweats*

[hamphobicbasil]

Could u elaborate about the dsmp story being bad? Not a rabid/brain dead fan, just genuinely curious and I enjoy reading people's rants lolol

oh you dont know the floodgates you just opened

a few things:

1. despite not liking the creators of the dsmp anymore, I don't actually hate most of them. [the ones that are particularly unsavory fall outside of this of course] so all that I'm saying i truly mean in a critical sense towards the story, its also just all purely my opinion as someone who enjoys fictional and fantasy stories and who like criticizing works to see what it does well and what it doesn't do well

2. for clarification I'm going to use the c![name] to indicate when I'm talking about the characters. Don't get me wrong, I think its annoying too but its the only way I'm gonna be able to write this thing without getting something across the wrong way yknow?

3. I stopped watching the streams after November 16th, [save for one Techno one but I closed out after a particularly bad story beat lol] and so all information coming afterward is all second hand from either me seeing people on twt talk abt it or people dming me. All i really know is up to dream's imprisonment and some stuff past that.

4. This is mostly aimed towards the "main" story, so stuff abt the badlands, eggpire, and whatnot are briefly mentioned.

anyways uh, i'll try to be brief but also include enough information to get why i feel the way i do on some stuff across

A. Performances Alright obviously these people are all streamers, so obviously they might not be the best actors, and hell no one is even asking that of them. However, when you're telling a story that's based on the audio with the visuals kinda coming to a second, it's gotta be pretty strong. I will say, some of the best actors in my opinion are Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo. I would include Ranboo but I never watched any of his story bits or story streams so I can't say much. Wilbur and Tommy are excellent in selling their character's emotions and feelings, when I watch the stream I don't feel like I'm watching an rp but an actual thought-out story yknow? And one of my favorite Tubbo examples was in the Hog Hunt video whenever Techno attacked him, he sounded genuinely afraid and I believed everything his character was feeling.

However, unfortunately, not everyone is gonna be that good. And I'm gonna say it; Dream and Techno have to be the worst out of the entire cast. I understand Techno's whole character is this monotoned badass, however, when really emotional moments hit I feel like he never lets that fall, and a lot of intense moments just ring hollow. And I'm sorry but Dream's attempts at being intimidating leave me laughing whenever I watch them. It feels like he watched that one scene from The Marriage with Adam Driver and Scarlett Johannson and said "Oh this is what good acting looks like! Just yelling." His whole "I don't give a FUCK about Spirit!" speech isn't as great as people keep making it out to be. And whenever he tries to act coy when being a villain it feels like a guy reading the script for the first time, a bit like he's trying too hard. I have more problems with his character but his portrayal certainly doesn't help.

Everyone else is fine, and I don't feel strongly either way about a lot of them.

B. The "Lore" Okay first off, I can't be the only one who thinks it's silly that people are calling the dsmp's story "lore" when it's not, it's the fucking story. Lore indicates backstory to either the world or the characters, which a lot of the streams don't really pertain to. This is a really petty section but god it's a weird pet peeve of mine.

Other than the misusage of "lore" vs "story", the actual lore and world-building of the world are so lackluster that new elements can be introduced whenever and it often feels cluttered or not well thought out at all. And here's the thing, I feel like if the writers sat down just for a few minutes to establish world rules and general history, a lot of this could be solved! but so much is made up on the spot that it starts to feel like they're grabbing at straws to keep people invested, trying to reach that next high and intense story beat without actually earning it.

C. The Egg / Eggpire This is a pretty minor note since I was only invested in the Egg storyline for a little bit, but god it's so underused that it's almost embarrassing. Bad has provided this super interesting antagonistic force that's infecting the SMP, can control people, and who one of our main character is immune to, and it's just never used or even talked about again? Now I understand if he wanted to keep it to a side storyline only, however, to introduce this borderline eldritch creature and force within the world and then never have it dealt with is so weird.

D. The Writing Oh boy this is. kinda a big one. Now I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty obvious I have a bias for the Wilbur writing over the current team [that consisting of Dream, Quackity, and Tommy mostly]. I don't this his writing is perfect by any means, the characters constantly bringing up traitors got obnoxious after a while, and writing Hamilton but in Minecraft really isn't the modern Shakespeare or anything. However, I think his exploration of characters and plot progression was a lot more thought out and well planned, like he actually had two brain cells behind the story yknow? The current team I think fails to be as emotional or even impactful, things happened too fast and my god was everything drowned in angst for so long.

Don't get me wrong, you gotta have your characters face hardships to make them reach their goal believable, but some of the shit they put the characters through just felt like too much. From c!Tubbo's constant comparison to c!Schlatt [who btw, fucking ordered his death and kept him from his friends in a nation he felt trapped in] and on a side note, i kinda really fucking dislike the "c!Schlatt dad!!" au's or the au's where c!Tubbo inherits some of Schlatt's features, it would be like c!Tommy getting a c!Dream mask after his exile, it's feels so weird yet people eat that shit up for some reason.

But god, did c!Tommy get the brunt of it all and in retrospect after his final death, it kinda feels really fucking gross. Now obviously, I'm not trusting any of these people to write decent mental health representation, but c!Tommy's PTSD and how it was explored was just degrading. [Specifically the scene in that one Techno stream where he saw the final control room from the first war, and had a flashback / panic attack where he started calling out for c!Dream. I understand this is an actual thing people with PTSD will experience, but it felt so fucking stereotypical it got on my nerves. I actually had to close out of the stream because it made me feel sick, fiction shouldn't leave you feeling that way.] And don't get me started on how they basically reused the formula from the previous arc. [Problem introduced -> Tensions rise as things start to fall apart -> Big confrontation -> Exile -> Return from Exile -> Blowing up L'Manberg, again.]

And speaking of characters-

E. Character Arcs, or the lack of them In my genuine opinion, some of these characters' arcs are so disappointing. Especially c!Tommy's. I'm not one to believe that he was a "selfish" character or anything, however, his goals were simply set on his discs and maybe c!Tubbo, he didn't have much outside that. However, L'Manberg gave him something to care about, he gave up his discs for it and he fought for it tooth and nail, I think it taught him to open up to others and trust more. It was a great character arc for him to have, seeing him still fight even after his first exile alongside c!Wilbur, to return safely to the nation that he and his found family had built.

But then his second exile happened, and I feel like all of that was undone.

c!Tommy's exile genuinely pisses me off for so many reasons. It's not that characters can't have their low points after reaching a major change or feeling like they've "completed" their arcs or anything, but it's more of the fact that it seems like he's never going to heal that feels like a spit in the face, especially to people who might have had setbacks like that before. Progress isn't linear, sometimes things happen and you get knocked back down, it can take a while to get back up, but I don't think c!Tommy's character is ever going to be allowed to get back up. From c!Dream, who pretty much was a constant abuser in his life, killing him then reviving him, and his still fractured relationship with c!Tubbo, which by the way I have a had time believing they would still be friends after all that happened, it feels like he can never get a win and it's generally kinda a shit way to treat your characters who have been abused. Of course, not all abused characters are going to get happy endings, I'm not trying to dictate that they all should, but c!Tommy deserves one and the fact that it's so obscure feels shitty.

Side note: we still don't have a canon reason to give a shit abt the discs. Like I'm sorry but without some sorta connection to the MacGuffin why should we give a shit about him getting them other than "he wants them lol". Like hell, I would even accept the classic "they were the last gifts from his parents" or something, but we still don't have a reason.

c!Tubbo also lacks a fulfilling arc as well, from someone who started out as a yes man, he has progressed a bit into having his own interests first, but besides that sometimes his character makes me so. depressed. He's easily one of the most pushed around and hated characters within the story, all for being a kid who didn't know what to do and he's in the same vein as c!Tommy; these kids can't get a break. Also, his anti-violence beliefs morphing into the "lets kill c!Techno lol!" bit was so out of place and without proper build-up it was like. what. And now he's building nukes?? god c!Tubbo makes me so sad because he's kicked around constantly and never given a chance to grow.

Another small note, I also don't really enjoy c!Techno at all. Besides the previously stated reasons of lack of emotions when they're really needed, I find his character to be weirdly pretentious. He talks as if he's constantly been betrayed and hurt but I personally, don't see it? Like, I think one of the main examples was the Pogtopia vs. Manberg war, yknow he wanted to end the government but they just reinstated it after they won = c!Techno upset. But this doesn't make sense to me because why did he think otherwise? The entire time c!Tommy had talked about taking back their nation and starting again, so the fact that c!Techno suddenly thought there would be a sudden change is, to put it bluntly, kinda fucking stupid. I don't want to say that he "plays the victim" or anything because that feels a bit harsh, but his character feels so far up his own ass that I can't enjoy him.

I have a major grip with c!Dream as well, but that's getting it's own fucking section.

F. L'Manberg This is a quick note before we get into the, forgive me for this, endgame, of this entire rant, since the next two sections are tied together. But god, L'Manberg makes me upset because it feels like they gave up on it.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that it is supposed to be c!Wilbur's "unfinished symphony", the thing that destroyed a once charismatic and widely loved man, his attempt at power that utterly ruined him. But the fact that it just got blown up in the end after everything and left to rot felt like such a waste of time. From the first war, to Pogtopia, to even c!Tommy's exile, it all felt fucking worthless in the end, and the story is actively closer to how it was when it started now more than ever. I wished it was actually allowed to exist and continue to be a peaceful place in what is a chaotic world, but no it was just snuffed out because why dedicate to this concept of finding others you can band together with and feel safe. fuck that noise apparently?

G. The Villains Now villain-wise, I'm only talking about c!Dream [during the first war], c!Schlatt, and c!Wilbur. And believe it or not, this is actually mostly positive.

Now I'm not gonna lie, c!Dream as a staring antagonist wasn't bad actually, he posed a genuine and threatening opposition to L'Manberg, even if we didn't know his real intentions or motivations as to why he was against it. He's lucky in this sense because he didn't have to be good, he had to be passable. If anything, he felt more like an anti-hero than a tyrant or traditional villain, and my god do I wish he kept this theme going forward.

Now quick disclaimer, I don't like JSchlatt as much as the next guy, he's an adult man who should know better than to joke about some sensitive topics and act the way that he does. But the one thing I'll ever give him is that damn, was he a good actor for his character.

Now here's the thing, c!Schlatt wasn't particularly deep at all. He had no real motivations behind his exile of c!Wilbur and c!Tommy other than getting competition out of the way, had no reason to act the way that he did and yknow? that's fine. The reason why he worked was from his performance alone, he was actually intimidating. When he came onto the stream and was doing his typical bad guy stuff, it was actually intense to see what he would do. Whenever he would almost catch c!Tommy back in Manberg, whenever he would begin to pressure c!Tubbo, it put you on the edge of your seat and it felt like everything would change at the drop of a pen. He's a villain to be a villain, and this works out because he's just charismatic and well put together enough to make it interesting, even without the backstory or motives.

c!Wilbur however, is much more tragic, and the best villain of the story. He essentially was the "mentor turned evil" trope and it felt terrible watching him descend into madness, unable to trust barely anyone except for c!Techno and c!Tommy. Hell, in the end I think he still cared about them both, despite losing everything. Sure, he blew up L'Manberg, but there was still a smidge of the old c!Wilbur in there made everything he did feel melancholic. His death at the hands of his father after achieving his final wish was chilling, and something I still think about.

Until yknow, Ghostbur came back way too soon to let people feel his loss as a character within that world. And then he got revived, pretty much-undoing everything that moment meant for his character lol.

And then there's the worst one:

H. Dream. I'm going to be completely honest, c!Dream is one of the main reasons why I dislike the current dsmp stuff so much. Outside of his actions as a person, the way Dream decided to write his character as this overpowered madman of the dsmp really just. destroyed any intrigue that he could've had. Perhaps this is from my growing dislike towards him, manifesting into a bias towards his character, but god I cannot fathom why people try to insist he's interesting when he has as much depth as a fucking puddle.

And here's the thing, I'm not even entirely against c!Dream being a villain, hell I think he would've been great as an anti-hero if anything. Make him sympathetic but not through c!George to get your precious "DNF" points or anything, but show him actually caring about the people within the dsmp, including c!Tommy and c!Tubbo. This would make his rival status with them just a bit more complicated, sure they're enemies, however, he doesn't want to hurt or kill them, and there's still a level of friendship there that keeps them bonded when things get super bad. This could've been super interesting to see, the first villain of the story receiving a sorta redemption arc then descending into madness as he started to fixate on being a god. This is all how I feel personally, but god do I feel like it would've been better than his current character, and hell would've worked with how he was during the Pogtopia arc, before the war that is. I'm not trying to tell Dream how to write his own character, but there are so many other ways he could've done the madman seeking to become god rather then. whatever the hell we got.

Because instead, we got this power-mad asshole who does things... because he can? And that's one of my major issues: he tries to surround his character in mystery to make him "intriguing" but it's kinda like c!Techno, it comes off as pretentious. Not only that, but you cannot keep waving around this mystery of a backstory without ever actually revealing it. I know the story isn't over, but c!Dream is effectively at his lowest point, now would be the time to reveal his backstory. But no just keep it in the dark and keep everyone guessing, that's totally fun and not at all tiring and annoying. (sarcasm, if anyone needs it)

And back to his performance, he doesn't sell this aloof, cynical and strategic warrior that has perfected the blade or some shit, he comes off as some angry guy yelling on reddit. which i don't need to tell you, isn't intimidating. It feels like he's trying to have c!Schlatt's intimidation combined with c!Wilbur's depth, but instead he's like a little brother who's trying to hard to mimic his older brother and is kinda embarrassing himself.

but other then that i dont feel too strongly abt the dsmp lol

but seriously, these are the main complaints I have abt the story tbh, I could probably talk about more but I wont because man. this is probably gonna get me in trouble if any of the hyper-dsmp fans actually read it.

[iamanartichoke]

I wrote a Thing. It’s extremely long. I’d prefer it not be reblogged; I wrote this for my own catharsis and would prefer it not be circulated, bc of Reasons. 

I changed my mind, okay to reblog. <3 

Under a cut for (extreme, did I mention?) length. 

So I got about 12 minutes of sleep last night, as you do, and around 3am or so I found myself - out of sheer curiosity - going down a meta hole of Ragnarok discourse, trying to figure out where this "satisfying redemption arc" for Loki happened. (I mean, there's a lot of things I would like to figure out, but I started there.) Because I could. 

Basically I was looking for meta that went into detail about how Loki was redeemed in a satisfactory way. The ‘satisfactory’  is an important word here bc there is a redemption arc in the film, in that Loki starts off the film as an antagonist (kinda) to Thor and he ends the film as an ally to Thor, standing at Thor's side. In that sense, yes, there's a redemption arc. I didn't find much (and I had no idea how much people just despise Ragnarok "antis" [I really dislike that word] but that's another topic [that I don't particularly want to get into, tbh]) but I did find some. I read what I could find, and I read it open-mindedly, and overall I came away feeling like, okay, there are some valid points being made here and I can kinda see where they're coming from.

But it was a bit (a lot) like -- flat. Idk. The best comparison I can think of is that it’s like if a literature class read, I don't know, The Yellow Wallpaper for an assignment, and some of the students came away from it feeling like it was a creepy story about a woman slowly driving herself insane, and the other students came away from it incensed at the oppression and infantilization of women in the late 19th century -

- and neither side is wrong, but the former is a very surface-level reading and the latter isn't (bc it stems from looking at why she drives herself insane, why she was prescribed 'rest' in the first place, the context of what women could and couldn't do back then, etc; basically, a bit more work has to go into it). 

[Note: I am not disparaging the quality of The Yellow Wallpaper. At all. It’s just the first relatively well-known story that popped into my head.]

In this sense, I can see the argument for Loki's redemption arc, but I don't think it's a very good argument. Not invalid, but not great.

I mean, for example, I think the most consistent argument I found variations of re: Loki's redemption is that Ragnarok shows Loki finally taking responsibility for his bad behaviour and misdeeds. This includes recognizing that his actions were fueled from a place of self-hatred and a desire to self-destruct in addition to bringing destruction on others. That he probably feels awkward and regretful of these things and doesn't know how to act around Thor, but he figures it out by the end, and decides that returning to Asgard is the best way to show that he's ready to make amends. His act of bringing the Statesman to Asgard is an apology. He allies himself with Thor and ends up in a better place, both narratively (united with Thor once again) and mentally (having taken responsibility and made amends for his past).

And setting aside that he had already made amends by sacrificing his life in TDW (and also setting aside that the argument is made that Loki redeems himself in IW by sacrificing himself to Thanos but if that's the case, wouldn't that imply that he hadn't achieved redemption in Ragnarok or else there would be no need to achieve it again in IW? Or, if you think he did achieve redemption in Ragnarok, then what the fuck did he give his life in IW for? What was his motivation there, and why did the narrative not make it clearer? I digress.) 

- setting aside those two factors, I think this is a very fair argument. Loki is fueled by self-hatred, and he does want to self-destruct, and he does want to inflict that pain on others as well (particularly Thor). No lies detected here. 

However, I also need to know where that self-hatred and desire for destruction (toward himself and others) comes from and for that, we need to go back to Thor 1.

Thor 1. 

Loki starts Thor 1 out as "a clenched fist with hair," to borrow a quote from the Haunting of Hill House (that I tucked away in my mental box of Lovely Things bc it says so much so very simply). He's very used to bottling everything up, pushing it down; he slinks around behind the scenes, pulling the strings to this plot or that. He's "always been one for mischief," but the narrative implies that the coronation incident is the first time Loki's done anything truly terrible. And it all immediately pretty much goes to shit, so Loki spends the rest of the movie frantically juggling all these moving pieces while trying to seem as if he's got it all under control, every step of the way. That's how I view his actions. 

But I always come back to that quote where Kenneth Branaugh tells Tom, of the scene in the vault, "This is where the thin steel rod that's been holding your mind together snaps." In other words this is where Loki discovering he's Jotun is just one thing too many. He can't take it. But though the rod snaps, his descent isn't a nosedive. It's a tumble. As the story progresses, the clenched fist starts to loosen, the muscles are flexed in unfamiliar ways (that feel kinda good, after being stiff for so long), and it culminates with the hand opening completely and shaking itself out. All of that repression, that self-hatred, that rage and jealousy just explodes so that, by the time the bifrost scene happens, Loki's already hit bottom. It's not just about proving his worthiness to Odin. He wants to hurt Thor, too; he, essentially, throws a tantrum. (That's right, I said tantrum.) 

(Note: The word 'tantrum’ has negative connotations bc we normally equate it with a toddler stamping their feet and screaming in the aisle when their parent won't buy them the toy they want. But in itself, the word tantrum isn't infantalizing. It's an "emotional outburst, an uncontrolled explosion of anger and frustration" [paraphrasing from dictionary.com]. That's exactly what happens here [and why Tom called Loki's actions a massive tantrum, but people took that to mean Tom agreed it was childish whereas I doubt Tom meant it that way]).

He's been pushed past his limit, and he does bad things. He does really shitty things. He hurts Thor, he hurts his family. I'm pretty sure he knows this all along so this isn't, like, some revelation further down the line that "hey, those things I did were probably kinda bad." He got the memo already. 

Ragnarok 

Fast forward to Ragnarok, and we're introduced to a version of Loki who's had 4ish years to sit with everything that's happened. To sit with it and not do much else. The rawness of it has faded, and now it seems as though it's just become a thing, like when you move through life aware of your childhood traumas and have more or less just accepted them (and you probably share a lot of really funny depression memes on Facebook, which is kinda the equivalent of Loki's play, but that's probably just me). 

Loki has, more or less, chilled out. He seems more bored than anything else; he's been masquerading as Odin for longer than he ever planned or intended to, so he's more or less ended up hanging out, letting Asgard mind its own business, and entertaining himself with silly plays. This is the version that starts out the movie as an antagonist to Thor - a version that is, arguably, in a much different place [and is a much milder threat] than the version who originally did those Bad Things. 

And of course Thor is still mad at him, and of course they're going to butt heads, because that's what they do (and Thor's grievances are genuine, I’ll add, bc it's not really his fault he assumed Loki faked his death, nor can he be blamed for being pissed about Odin).

One argument framed this version of Loki as being a person who is facing the awkwardness of coming out of a dark place, which is fair. If we're going to frame his actions in Thor 1 as a tantrum, then Ragnarok would be the part where the toddler has been taken home, possibly has had some lunch and a juice box, and is now watching cartoons. They're over the tantrum, and would probably feel pretty silly about it if they weren't, yknow, toddlers. They probably can't remember why they even wanted that toy so badly. If they're a little older and self-aware, they might even be embarrassed for having melted down.

Like the word tantrum, this feeling isn't a thing limited to toddlers. I know I've had a few epic meltdowns as a grown ass adult, and I know I always feel deeply embarrassed afterwards - like, want to crawl into a hole and die. I've said things I can't take back. Adolescents and teenagers throw tantrums, mentally ill people throw tantrums, adults throw tantrums (I mean, my god, look at all the videos of Karens having screaming meltdowns - screaming! - over having to wear masks in order to shop at stores). Humans throw tantrums. And usually, after the feelings have been let out and the tantrum has passed, humans feel pretty regretful and awkward and embarrassed about whatever they did and said in the midst of their meltdown. 

I get all of that and agree it's valid and that Loki probably feels it. By the time Ragnarok happens, Loki's had some time to reflect and think hmm, yeah, probably could've handled that one a lot better. The argument further goes that in order to navigate this awkward period, Loki must come to terms with what he's done, acknowledge that some things can't be unsaid or undone, and begin to make amends. Supposedly, some people feel that Loki becomes a better person because he does "own" everything he did wrong and, even though he feels like a jackass (paraphrasing), he sets that aside to become a become a better person by choosing to help Thor and Asgard at the end. 

Thus, the overall arc goes like this. Loki, Thor's jealous little brother, 

throws a tantrum of epic proportions bc Reasons 

continues to act badly and make things even worse (Avengers) 

has to face consequences for his actions (prison sentence) 

ends up with a stretch of time in which he's free to contemplate and chill out 

feels embarrassed and awkward about how he's behaved

sees an opportunity to make up for it and decides to take it 

helps Thor, saves the day, and ends the film a better person. 

Redemption achieved.

None of this is wrong. The film supports it. It's a fair interpretation. But it leaves. out. so. much.

To circle all the way back around Loki being "a clenched fist with hair," and his actions stemming from his self-hatred, you have to ask - how did he get that way? He didn't end up with all this self-hatred on accident. Generally, one isn't born despising themselves, it's a learned behavior. (I realize chemical imbalances are a thing, obviously, as I have Mental Shit myself, but for argument's sake I'm assuming that's not the case with Loki [at this point in time]). 

Where did Loki learn it? From his family, from his surroundings, from his culture. We see examples of these microaggressions in the first, like, twenty minutes of the movie - a guard openly laughs at Loki's magic after Thor makes a joke about it (the tone of the conversation implies that Thor "jokes" like this often) and though Loki does the snake thing, the guard faces no real consequences. Thor doesn't acknowledge that anything went amiss. Not much later, on their way to Jotunheim, Loki's barely gotten two words out to Heimdall before Thor cuts him off, steps in front of him, and takes charge. Loki doesn't look annoyed at this; he looks resigned. 

Then, for absolutely no reason at all, Volstagg decides to make a jab at Loki ("silver tongue turned to lead?") just because he can. The ease with which he makes this comment and the way that no one else blinks an eye at it implies that this isn't out of the norm. And Loki doesn't react, not really. In the deleted version, he delivers a particularly nasty comeback but he delivers it under his breath, without intending Volstagg to hear it. In the final version, he simply says nothing, though his expression can be read as hurt or stung. Either way, the audience sees an example of Loki being walked all over by Thor and his friends and bottling up his reactions instead of standing up for himself. 

Microaggressions matter. They are mentally and emotionally damaging. They hurt. The implication that this is not unusual treatment for Loki means that Loki's probably gone through this for most of his life. It's like the equivalent of being, I don't know, twenty two and you're the friend who has to walk behind the others when the sidewalk isn't wide enough, and it's been that way since the first day of kindergarten. At this point, you're used to it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less when the jabs come seemingly out of nowhere, for no reason other than to make you feel bad.

(I personally identify a lot with this bc I experienced passive bullying in social settings for years. I was the 'doesn't fit on the sidewalk' friend; I hung around with people who'd pretend to be my friend and would be more or less nice to my face, but would laugh at me and make fun of me behind my back for whatever reasons. And often there'd be the random jabs at me, things that would come out of nowhere to smack me in the face, followed by the fake laugh and “just kidding!" so that I couldn't even get upset without being made to feel like I was overreacting and couldn't take a joke. I'd deal with this socially, particularly in middle school when girls are their most vicious, and then I'd go home and, because I was the only girl with a lot of brothers and because boys are mean and because I am who I am, the dynamic was that my brothers would just endlessly roast me to my face and sometimes it was a "just kidding!" thing, where I was the only one not laughing. But that’s beside the point; my point is that microaggressions, passive bullying, and consistent invalidation are harmful and that shit stays with you into adulthood.) 

So, yes, Loki needs to be held responsible for his misdeeds, and it's valid to say that he recognizes those misdeeds and wants to make amends. I have never disagreed with that. But the problem with this interpretation is that it lets every single other character who contributed to Loki's self-hatred and mental breakdown (let's just call a spade a spade here, that's what it was; he was broken psychologically) get off scot-free.

First of all,

Odin is not held accountable for instilling in the princes a mentality of Asgard first, everyone is beneath us but Jotuns are benath us the most, they are literal monsters. He is not held accountable for pitting his sons against one another (even if it was unintentional, he still did it) with "you were both born to be kings but only one of you can rule" being the general tone of their upbringing. He's not held accountable for his favoritism toward Thor.

Frigga is not held accountable for deferring to Odin both in supporting the above things and in keeping the truth of Loki's origins a secret while doing nothing to discourage the "monsters" narrative. 

Thor is not held accountable for his own tendency of taking Loki for granted (he assumes Loki will come to Jotunheim, he oversteps Loki constantly, “know your place,” etc.. He grants his implicit permission for Loki to be treated as the sidewalk friend in their “group,” a group which is loyal to and takes their cues from Thor as Thor continues to do nothing in his brother's defense).

[Note: Wanting Thor to be held accountable for things he's done wrong isn't vilifying him. Acknowledging that Thor benefited from Odin's favoritism and his own place as Crown Prince doesn't negate Thor also being raised in an abusive environment. I don't think anyone's saying that or, if they have, it's not something I agree with.]

Furthermore, 

Odin is not held accountable for his cruelty in disowning Loki (”your birthright was to die” is never going to be forgotten, speaking of people saying things that can't be unsaid or taken back) and in sentencing Loki to a severe prison sentence (life! only bc Frigga wouldn't let him execute Loki) for crimes that are no worse than what Odin himself has committed (around which the entire plot of Ragnarok revolves! Colonialism (and subjugation) is wrong is, like, a major theme [that people rush to praise, even] here). 

Thor is also never held accountable for not trying harder to understand what made Loki snap (fair enough, he didn't have a ton of time after returning from Earth, but certainly he had lots of time to sit around reflecting while Loki was being tortured by Thanos for a year). He knows Loki is "not himself" and "beyond reason" and accepts it at face value; he questions it once and then lets it go. He's fine with assuming Loki's just lost his mind, and isn't that a shame. (I realize I'm simplifying Thor's emotions but my point is that Thor could've tried harder to figure out that Loki was being influenced and/or not acting completely autonomously.) 

Thor is also never held accountable for - if not facing consequences for his own slaughter of Jotuns - then at least addressing why Loki can't kill an entire race even though Thor tried to do that, like, two days ago. (Granted, it’s difficult to understand how Thor got from Point A ("let's finish them together, Father!") to Point B (this is wrong!), but that failing belongs to Thor 1 (which is not, by the way, a perfect movie).

The interpretation that Loki is fully redeemed because he took responsibility for his actions, returned to Asgard, and allied himself with Thor to save their people is all well and good - but, why is Loki the only one here who has to take responsibility for their actions? 

What about all the loose threads in his story? 

For example, how did he get from: 

Point A (believing himself a literal monster, having a complete mental breakdown, getting tortured and further traumatized after that, etc) 

to 

Point B (Hey, yknow what would be fun? I'm going to write and direct a play about how I heroically died to save Thor and Jane, and I'll go ahead and have Odin say he accepts me and has always loved me. I'm going to do these things because Odin never said this in real life and instead of acknowledging my sacrifice, Thor left my body in the dirt, so someone has to validate what I've done right and that someone might as well be me. And hey, while I'm at it, I'm going to control the narrative on revealing myself as Jotun to Asgard, instead of living in fear of it being found out, and I'm going to do it in a way that they have to sympathize with me and revere me in death, bc they never bothered to do so when I was alive. And Matt Damon should play me, also.) 

to 

Point C (Yeah, I guess I feel kinda awkward about that whole tantrum thing, also I should help Thor and support him being king.)

? 

The answers to these questions are handwaved and the audience takes that to mean they don't matter. Furthermore, framing Loki's redemption around an act of service (more or less) to Thor makes Loki's redemption about Thor. Does Loki make this decision for the sake of Thor and of Asgard, or does he make it for himself? It's not super clear to me, and I think arguments can be made for both. Which, again, is fine, but - whatever.

If we're going to collectively agree, as a fandom, that Loki is complex, that he's morally gray, that he's worthy of redemption and therefore arguably a good person who's done bad things, then why is it asking too much to have it acknowledged that Thor (also a good person who's done bad things) played a part in Loki's downfall and has shit to apologize for, too? Bc one can only assume the reason is that you're taking a very gray concept and making it black and white by saying Loki has to apologize and make amends because he is the villain, and Thor doesn't because he is the hero (and it's his movie). And it's lazy.

This is where the crux of the issue lands. There's more than one valid interpretation, yes. And no two people (or groups of people, or whatever) are going to consume and therefore interpret or analyze the source material in the same way. I think I saw a post recently about how studies have been done on this, in fact. But, there is a lot going on under the surface that tends to get overlooked when exploring Loki's redemption arc in Ragnarok, as far as I can see, and that’s why I don’t consider it satisfactory. 

[I did read similar arguments regarding other issues that are often debated ('debated'), like Loki's magic and/or being underpowered, whether or not Loki's betrayal of Thor was the natural outcome of the situation on Sakaar or not, whether Thor actually gets closure with Odin [if he does, how does he reconcile the father he's idolized with the imperialistic conqueror he's discovered? Why doesn't he hold Odin responsible for covering up Hela's existence and the threat of her return, especially as he knew he was nearing the end of his life? Is Thor's "I'm not as strong as you" meant to imply that he acknowledges those shortcomings of Odin's and that he's okay with them, or that he's just overlooking them, or is he not okay with them but didn't have the chance to get into it bc he was in the middle of battle? T'Challa confronted his father on his wrongdoings in Black Panther; could Thor not have had at least one line that was confrontational enough to establish where he stands as opposed to this gray middle? Can someone explain to me how any of this equates to Thor gaining closure? Please?) but obviously I'm not going to go into all of them (well, I tried not to), bc this mammoth post has gone on long enough (I may not even post this tbh)]

- but my overall point to this entire thing is that when I say I'm critical of Ragnarok bc it's flawed, that Loki's arc was neither complete nor satisfactory, that many things went unaddressed and, due to all of these things, I do not think Ragnarok is a very good movie nor a very cohesive movie, this is where I'm coming from. I have not seen anything to change my mind to the contrary. 

But I am not saying that anyone satisfied with it is wrong, or shouldn't have the interpretation that they do. I'm not vilifying Thor in order to lift Loki up, just acknowledging that Thor is arguably just as flawed as Loki without the stigma of being Designated Villain. I think a lot of these arguments get overlooked or dismissed, and that's fine, but it doesn't make the people who do engage with them hateful, or bitter, or trying to excuse Loki's crimes, or feeling like redemption means that Loki's crimes should be erased rather than reconciled. 

And sure, yes, perhaps we are expecting too much and exploring all of these themes (or wanting them explored) means that somehow we think it should be Loki's movie (we don't). Loki is a supporting character, but he's still a character. And the movie itself doesn't have to delve into all these things - no one's saying that. (At least, I'm not.) We just want acknowledgement, from the narrative, that this stuff was an Issue. 

This could have been accomplished with - 

Some dialogue closer to the novelization (and original script), like Thor and Loki both acknowledging the harm they've done one another and their kingdom due to their Feels.

 A single line of Thor confronting Odin, or even asking "Why?" 

A narrative acknowledgement that Odin did both Thor and Loki dirty (”I love you, my sons” isn't an apology, because it doesn't acknowledge either that there's been wrong-doing or express regret for having done the wrong in the first place). 

A little bit more nuance in the way Loki treats his own past (ie, instead of flippantly telling the story of his suicide attempt, maybe - if it must be flippant - talk about getting blasted in the face with Hawkeye's arrow or sailing through to Svartalfheim [And in that moment, I sang ta-daaaa!]) or whatever. 

I recognize that wanting full, in-depth exploration on all of these issues regarding a supporting character is probably too much to ask or expect - but, I also feel like, if you're going to be professionally writing a narrative (or rewriting/improvising, as it were), it's not too much to ask that a little more care be taken in regards to all of the layers that have contributed to said supporting character's downfall and subsequent redemption arc. I don't think that's an unreasonable thing to want. 

And maybe if there had been more nuance and continuity in how these things were portrayed on screen (ie, if TW had actually done as good a job as his stans think he did), the fandom wouldn't have divided and conquered itself over which "version" of the same character is more valid and whether or not the film did its best to close out a trilogy (not start a new one), to the point where everyone in this fandom space makes navigating it feel like walking through a minefield. 

But, I mean 

(Again, please don’t reblog if possible.) 

Edit: Okay to reblog. <3 

[subjecta5newtella]

WHITE BOY SUMMER AGENDA

I forgot that I had put that in the tags of this post for a second and I was like ?????? for half a second before I Remembered. and then once I Remembered I was like hey! you could make a rant out of this! I’m so sorry if you didn’t want one but I’ve been sitting on it for a while and this gives me an excuse so without further ado: the movie!minho rant

me saying minho was pushed aside in favor of the white boy summer agenda is a joke but it’s also... not. I have a lot of positive feelings about the movies but I also have mmmmm a Not Insignificant degree of bitterness about how minho got treated compared to the way thomas and newt got treated. and I don’t wanna be like “it’s all about race” because a) I don’t think it’s my place to determine that and b) I don’t claim to know what goes on behind the scenes, either in terms of outside factors or in terms of unconscious bias, but when the one non-white member of the main trio undergoes significant role reduction... i don’t love it, yknow?

it starts with screentime imo. I think it’s fair to say minho is with thomas more than anyone else in the books (I’m not about to run numbers on this, but with the exception of the betrayal sequence and the part where thomas is traveling with brenda, both in tst, as well as the couple times thomas is completely on his own in tdc, there are.... very few times they’re not together). the first movie I think does okay in this regard. we see him about as much as we see him in the book. tst I think also does fine on that specific metric, but I also do not entirely remember what happens despite rewatching it like 3 weeks ago. and then we get to tdc and he’s entirely sidelined.

in isolation, I don’t think his tdc storyline is terrible. his friends care so much about him that they’ll do absolutely anything to rescue him! WCKD tries everything they can to break him and they can’t break him! which makes an excellent contrast to the fact that newt’s death can. if I’d never read the books, I think I’d be fine with it, but unfortunately for everyone I have, which means i am well aware of the change from minho always being with thomas to minho being removed from the group dynamic, even if they’re trying to save him.

my issue with this is that characters don’t build the same way in isolation. I know this because I have been living alone during the pandemic and I have not grown as a person. but actually, though, it’s not like you CAN’T develop a character with minimal interactions with other people, but in a series that’s largely built on love and friendship, it’s really hard to bring a character into that when he’s just.... not There. since one corner of the trio is missing, everything is skewed heavily in favor of the thomas/newt dynamic, instead of being more evenly balanced. book!thomas is equally close to them in different ways; he’s consistently reassured by the presence of either one of them, and at points refers to them kinda interchangeably as his best friend. he seeks out minho first frequently, and minho’s often the first one to greet him when they’re reunited. we also, especially in tst, get a lot of back and forth between minho and newt that gives us a window into their relationship. some of these things we can’t get because of plot changes or runtime constraints or character changes, sure, but they’re not replaced with anything that makes us feel that sense of closeness.

I also think we lose out on minho’s individual arc, to a degree. in the books he goes from someone who is willing to abandon thomas and alby in a moment of panic to someone who, even with a launcher pointed at him, even surrounded by cranks who have already tried to attack him, can’t give up on newt until thomas basically drags him away. I’m... not sure he changes as drastically in the movies? we have the same starting point with the night in the maze, but starting at some point in tst I kind of felt like he was just... there, even when he was with them. yeah, he made some sarcastic comments and did some cool things (I could watch him kick a guard into a wall all fuckin day) but I think in large part his character progression stalls out sometime in tst, and isolating him from the rest of the group strips him of his opportunity to grow in relation to other people.

I’m glad that the movies did good things for thomas, I really am, because he went from a character I was constantly exasperated with to one I did actually like. book!newt is still central to my heart, but movie!newt is an extremely good character in his own right. I think the dynamic between the two of them is really interesting, and I absolutely understand why that ship is as popular as it is! I just think the decision to focus on that relationship came at the cost of minho having a truly equal role in the trio, and it doesn’t sit well with me. I’m a product of the thominho era and I know that colors my interpretation even if it’s not the ship I go hardest for, but I also just find book!minho a really interesting character, and I think he lost the most personality of anyone in the trio.

all of that combined with how heavily newt and thomas’ relationship was promoted especially for tdc,.......... it’s hard not to feel like minho was sacrificed for the White Boy Summer Agenda

[k0kichiimagines]

I ramble about Saeyoung and Suit/GE Saeran but what about one of my favorite versions of Saeran??

SE SAERAN!!!

No cuz like, I have scenarios where he starts to open up to everyone more and I feel like those parents that watch their kid and they are so proud of them, they literally start to cry of joy when they accomplish something great AND I JUST WANT TO HOLD SE SAERAN AND BE KIND TO HIM AND IK EVEN SAEYOUNG WOULD JOIN IN AND WE ALL SPEND TIME TOGETHER GAHSSBAJDJSHDHAJDBABXB

I read a fanfiction where the three of you are doing things together and SE Saeran warms up and (ignoring the small glares at Saeyoung when he is acting mischievous) he is also having fun and being with you two helps him a lot and so much and when he is being triggered/has a really bad memory where he is actually really tense. Saeyoung would hold him and repeat to him that everything is okay and nothing is going to hurt him and even MC hugs him from behind, making Saeran calm down kinda fast.

I HAVE SO MANY SCENARIOS I WANT TO SCREAM THEM HELPPP

Anyways SE Saeran is great and I wanna help him through so much SJDBSJDJSJDHSHDJWJD

yknow how suit is in day 10 (?), when hes talking about how hes going to change and etc etc? thats kinda how i see SE saeran ! a mix of unknown and ge saeran, quiet but slowly moving more towards how GE saeran is!

i mean tbf ge saeran is mostly soft and sweet with you, hes more blunt with others those kind of defense mechanisms are just a part of who he is :)

but yes i love se saeran !! i do wonder about his hair, did he feel he had to change it to prove hes healing? does it symbolise him trying to forget his past, while ge saeran is accepting of it all? questions questions, i wonder if cheritz would answer if i emailed JFJFJ

hes like a stray kitten. lonely, defensive, but he'll stay if you're patience. i think he would like having someone who isnt as bouncy and also he doesnt know? theres no prior relationship to mend like with saeyoung, you're just being friends, theres no stress. he talks to you about flowers <3

i think also saeyoung has a few moments of just being a bit too much, and you need to gently pat him on the shoulder and gesture to saerans blank expression. hes just happy to be together, you'll have to remind him that they both hopefully have the rest of many many years, theres no rush, no drunken mother about to wake, no agency hunting them down

if you ever get into an argument with saeyoung you can go tell saeran, he'd listen and let you rant and then go tell him off for you, or offer to play a board game or something with you

i feel like him and vanderwood would be good friends!! vanderwood helps him cook sometimes, you have to distract the other twin because otherwise he'll start annoying the pair on purpose

when you tell him youre proud of him and his progress you will likely bring tears to his eyes. he wont cry fully, not in front of you, but he blinks a few times and thanks you. something so sweet means a lot to him

hes so lovely hes so lovely <33 i love all the saerans so much

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Danatole Brainrot We’re Really In It Now, aka Danatole playlist annotations!

I am NOT going apologize for making this. I’m not. But know I am feeling shame.

Nobody - Hozier

“I wouldn’t fall for someone I thought couldn’t misbehave”

This is a bit of a best-case-scenario song, but I really feel like the vibes are encapsulated here. It’s got the energy of “i love you because we sin together and it’s fun” and also “I have a lot of lovers but lowkey.... you’re my fave 😳” which is, as I said, the best I could ever see them getting to.

Bad Decisions - Bastille

“So we’ll make the same mistakes til the morning breaks”

This song is about being idiots together and also knowing it’s not good for you which is the vibe. Also the refusal to have an Actual Relationship in “love me, leave me, rhythm of the evening” pops off. This song GETS that it’s a more casual thing but also weirdly important to them. Oh and “maybe this is where it ends” can be interpreted to be about the elopement plan if you want to stretch it.

Quarter Past Midnight - Bastille

“Good times, bad decisions”

“Let’s go be stupid together in public and also maybe hold hands uwu”

Glory - Bastille

“Passing the drink from hand to hand, we admit we really know nothing at all”

“Let’s go get drunk together in private and also maybe hold hands uwu”

Nocturnal Creatures - Bastille

“We’ve only got ourselves to blame, again and again and again”

The whole deal with this song is like. We’re in love kind of I guess but like only when in certain situations when our guard is down. Does that make sense?? It does in my head. And the idea of it being something stupid that they both keep coming back to despite being aware of it really fits. Disclaimer I’m not trying to suggest these two are Deeply In Love I’m just bad at wording things

Nicotine - Panic! At The Disco

“I taste you on my lips and I can’t get rid of you”

“You’re bad for me but we keep coming back to each other” vibes again. I don’t think Anatole is aware of how bad this actually is, he canonically has no idea he’s being manipulated, but I do think Dolokhov has a much better perspective on it. In my mind, Dolokhov really wishes he did not feel Anything for Anatole but. That is not working out the way he planned it, so a lot of these “why do I keep doing this :/“ songs are more from Dolokhov’s side than Anatole’s.

The Waves - Bastille

“Oh what would your mother say if she could see what we’re doing now?”

Look I added this for the Dolokhov’s mom jokes okay. That was the whole reason. I could very much see Anatole saying this exact thing to him.

Hell and You - Amigo the Devil

“Live with me in this sin forever”

Man the ENERGY of this song. The admittance and focus on them both being terrible people but enjoying being terrible together...yeah that’s them.

4am - Bastille

“You are my familiar”

The idea of just accepting something maybe not so great because it’s familiar which becomes easy which becomes fun...I very much think that’s how their relationship progressed, at least from Dolokhov’s end (You’re probably thinking “wow Wren, this playlist is super skewed toward Dolokhov’s feelings on the matter” and you’re right it’s because I hate Anatole 🥰). It’s definitely too forthcoming about actually enjoying the experience but oh well. Oh, and I stole a line from it for a fic once so it gets a permanent spot.

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

“You and me could write a bad romance”

It is objectively a bad romance, but the real reason this song is on here is that I always forget it is and it makes me laugh every time

It Will Come Back - Hozier

“Don’t let it in with no intention to keep it”

Man Dolokhov really said ok I will manipulate this kid for a lil bit for money and then seven years later he’s helping him plan some illicit elopement for no personal gain huh. Life is crazy. Basically this song covers the “you were not intending for me to stick around but I’m a fixture of your life now!” thing. I wholeheartedly believe Dolokhov never planned to spend this much time with the Kuragins he just accidentally got attached.

Mamma Mia - ABBA

“You know you won’t be away too long”

It doesnt work super well but it makes me laugh okay!!! The concept of being bad for each other and not really working well but coming back to each other for some reason anyway is there.

No Light, No Light - Florence + The Machine

“No light in your bright blue eyes”

I heard the phrase bright blue eyes and smashed the add to playlist button, that’s it. But the more I listened to it the more I decided it could work post-elopement if you stretch it. “I’d do anything to make you stay” is obviously intended to be a romantic don’t-leave-me thing in the song but you can take it as the preparations scene if you really want. Not to suggest preparations is a romantic don’t-leave-me thing, that is very much not what I mean. “You cant choose what stays and what fades away” We all know Anatole wanted to flounce off with Natasha but in the end he was left eating dinner with Dolokhov 😔✌🏻 Dolokhov stayed and Natasha faded away hmmmm. Yes, purposely misinterpreting media is one of my favorite pastimes, why do you ask?

A Little Party Never Killed Nobody - Fergie

I don’t even have a lyric for this this is straight up just there for the hedonism/partying energy

We Are Young - fun.

“Maybe we could find new ways to fall apart”

This is mostly also just here for the friends/lovers at bars and parties living it up type beat. But the line “I know that I’m not all that you’ve got/I guess that I just thought maybe we could find new ways to fall apart” bit does kinda hit. It’s by no means exclusive but they do kinda have fun yknow? Also the awareness that they are falling apart rather than doing anything worthwhile or loving is pretty fun.

Fine Line - Harry Styles

“You’ve got my devotion, but man I can hate you sometimes”

Obviously Dolokhov would not admit to being devoted to Anatole, and I don’t think I can in good conscience say that he is, but I think he’s definitely more devoted than he wants to be. It’s more about the hate line anyway. I initially just added it because I was like oh it works as a fine line between love and...not love, but honestly some of the lyrics work pretty well. Now that I’m armed with the knowledge that Anatole’s name means sunrise, I can say “you sunshine, you temptress” fits too.

I Dare You - The Regrettes

“I never wanted to get too close to you but now it looks like I’m getting too close to you”

RIGHT OFF THE BAT this one gets it. That lyric is The Vibe. “You’re gonna fall but I’ll catch you” is reminiscent of Dolokhov helping Anatole get out of (and into) messes constantly, although in an ideal world it would be a lot more grudging. And not to harp on about this but “you’re the one that brings the sun” 🔈ANATOLE MEANS SUNRISE🔈

Nine in the Afternoon - Panic! At The Disco

“Your eyes are the size of the moon”

I did warn you guys there would be several songs on here that are only there because they mention eyes, right? I definitely said that somewhere. I am going to use Dolokhov’s bright blue orbs for my nefarious Danatole playlist purposes and there’s nothing you can do about it. “You could cause you can so you do” does encapsulate Anatole’s thought process pretty well though, I think.

The Mighty Fall - Fall Out Boy

“Your crooked love is just a pyramid scheme”

Not Dolokhov constantly using Anatole for money 🙄✋🏻 MLM in more ways than one. But also the idea of falling for someone being a kind of defeat works well. Admit you like him, Dolokhov. I dare you.

Bromance - Chester See & Ryan Higa

“Bromance, nothing really gay about it”

Historians will say they were roommates. I’m sorry this song just makes me laugh and I refuse to remove it.

Sarah Smiles - Panic! At The Disco

“You fooled me once with your eyes now, honey, you fooled me twice with your lies”

Rhyming eyes with lies is peak Dolokhovcore! And the “Sarah doesn’t care, she lives in her world so unaware” is Anatolecore because he’s stupid. The bit about “my destiny lies with her” or whatever is irrelevant ignore that.

Fred Astaire - Jukebox the Ghost

“Those eyes, they get me every time”

The entire rest of this song is someone being blind to the other person’s flaws and initially I was like wow this doesn’t work at all and then I realized it could be stretched to mean Anatole being super oblivious to Dolokhov’s manipulation. But when it comes down to it, it’s about the eye lyric.

I Don’t Know Why I Like You But I Do - The Wombats

The title says it all. Literally that’s the whole explanation.

Daft Pretty Boys - Bad Suns

“I don’t like you, you look so pretty from afar”

If you don’t think Dolokhov calls Anatole a pretty boy (derogatory) you’re so wrong and I cannot help you. That was why I added it but the vibes of “you’re hot but wow your personality is terrible and I hate you” are there so. Enjoy! Oh and the bit about wasting your time works too, I can think of like sixty three better things off the top of my head Dolokhov could be doing than hanging out with Anatole, including but not limited to stapling his own fingers together and arson.

Rich Friends - Portugal. The Man

“I could really really really use a rich rich friend like you”

Do I HAVE to explain this one? I also like “Hey man I’m cool to lean on but I’m not your property” for them, if you stretch it it gets across the way Anatole thinks Dolokhov is His Friend but in reality. He’s using him HDHHSHDHDHBS Also the chorus has hedonism vibes, which ALWAYS works with these two.