#feels shitty to analyze like this but you want to do whatever will work

[ardentpoop]

idk if I have an audience for this type of post here but if you’re reading this and you’re interested, a few tips for crafting fundraising posts with a higher likelihood of success, from someone with professional experience in digital marketing.

use a headline and make it emotional. for obvious reasons people default to “negative” emotional phrases but try leading with positive language as well as that can make the post stand out and can make less engaged people more likely to share. when you’re looking to reach the broadest audience possible I recommend being especially cautious with phrases and images that evoke guilt or alarm (all caps should be reserved for your most important lines only.)

something that is frequently discussed in marketing is the gradual “decay” of once-successful language & strategies. unfortunately the more frequently a particular phrase/format/image type is used the less effective it becomes at generating engagement over time. with this in mind it’s important to change up the formatting of these posts as much as reasonably possible. it’s one explanation for why as other people have pointed out posts that feature art or multicolored text etc have appeared to work better than others.

shorter is better. less engaged people are more likely to scroll past text-heavy posts than concise posts. if you’re tagging a bunch of blogs for reach put that under a readmore so it doesn’t overwhelm readers and distract from the call-to-action.

speaking of call-to-actions: the “CTA” is the most important piece of any post besides the headline. you’ll want to make your CTA stand out from the rest of the post as much as possible, whether that’s putting it in all caps and changing the font color, trying it at the top vs the bottom of the post, hyperlinking it, etc. I recommend looking up effective fundraising CTA phrases because there are people who get paid to analyze this constantly.

edit: of course these are suggestions rather than hard rules and are worth a try if you are boosting a fundraiser on behalf of someone else and are seeing engagement start to drop.

[softfem-dom]

low iron days soft!loganxlowiron!reader

a/n : my low iron has come back to bite me in the ass so im making this post 😭

wc : 1K

LOW IRON COMFORT , FLUFF , SOFT! LOGAN , FATHERLY! LOGAN. origins! / dofp! logan oriented .

It was supposed to be a normal day. You know, the normal stuff, getting up, getting dressed, having breakfast, attending your day classes and then spending the evening doing whatever —probably going out of your way to annoy Logan a little aswell.

But, no. Of course the universe had to turn against you, and you woke up feeling as shitty as ever.

You groaned, rolling over in your bed and throwing an arm over your unexplicably tired eyes. Your head felt heavy, stuffy, and your body didn't feel right. You didn't really know why, but it felt as if you had ran two marathons and got ran over by a truck at the same time. Except you did know why, your fucking low iron.

You glanced to the side, trying to focus your blurry vission on the alarm clock. Narrowing your eyes, feeling a migraine starting to nag at the back of your head, while you strained your vission in a try of making out the numbers on it. 8:45. You were late.

In a sudden burst of self-consciousness about how embarassingly late you were for class, you sat up on the bed and quickly reached to grab the covers to pull them off you. Bad move. As soon as your body processed the movement your blurry eyes clouded with a variety of colorful spots dancing around the corners of your vission, head spinning.

After the I-just-woke-up fog cleared up, the headache was fully present by now. Drumming inside your head, making you whine softly at the uncomfortable pressure on your temples —your fingers flying to rub against them, trying to ease it up.

Your fucking anemia seemed to want to come and bite you in the ass.

Mainly, it was your fault, because you had 'forgotten' to take your pills for a while —but they tasted like fucking dogfood. Your took a deep breath, trying to fill your lungs with oxygen to try and cool down the headache, Logan was going to scold you for this you were sure.

After mentally preparing yourself you managed to get out of bed, one foot after the other, and lean onto the wall for additional support. It felt as if your body wasn't working, feeling heavy and slow and rusty. Was this how Logan felt when he said he was an old man?

You didn't have time to even walk, or try to at least, to your closet to get out of your pyjamas when you heard firm knocking on your door. You winced slightly, feeling as if the sound was echoing inside your head.

"bub" you heard a familiar gruff voice muffled from the wood of the door. "Scott sent me to find ya, said ya didn't come to his class"

His voice was grumbly, clearly annoyed that he had to walk all the way to the third floor of the huge building just to tell you to go to class.

You wanted to cry. Was it an immature response? Yes. Was it better to think about a solution to the problem instead of choosing the emotional option? Yes again. Did you want to chose the rational option instead of crying? Hell no.

So that was when a small sound ripled through your lips, choked and wet, your tired eyes getting moist and your body feeling like a heavy bag of rocks. And Logan's enchanced hearing catched it.

His hand was on the doorknob in a flash, fingers twisting around it and pulling the door open in less than a second. "hey, hey bub what's goin' on?" he grumbled as he strode over to you.

He was next to your side in a second, his instincts flaring up like crazy at the prospect of you crying which would be a reason for being in pain or discomfort. His big, warm, hands went to your shoulders, hazel eyes staring at you as he analyzed everything —how you were paler than usual and how sickly and unwell you looked. He rubbed his thumbs on your shoulders once or twice before his rough hands were going up to cup your cheeks.

They were wet, when had you started actually crying? You didn't really know.

"Logan.." you croaked out, voice breathy and almost sob-y. Your eyes with the strenght to barely look up at him from under your lashes.

"m'here bub, m'here" he quickly sushed you, his hands gently squishing your cheeks slightly —trying to ground you— before he caught onto something. He frowned, his nostrils flaring slightly as he sniffed the air, looking down at you. Your scent that was usually weak, now was almost non-existent.

He groaned softly, rolling his eyes softly because of course this was going to be about your iron problems. He saw the way your body felt heavy, your arms lifeless to your sides, before he was clicking his tongue at you when you tried to look down. "nothin' of that, c'mon, look'a me, yeah, there we go" he grumbled, his thumbs gently wiping away the feverish tears rolling down your cheeks. It was a split second of hesitance before he was leaning down and smacking a kiss against your forehead, his beard gently tickling your skin.

"this about the low iron, bub?" he asked softly, his voice a gentle whisper, his lips still against your forehead. Mouth that was known for saying the driest things now gently caressing your skin. It was his own way of checking your temperature, he noted you were a bit warmer than usual.

You nodded your head, a little "uh-huh" slipping past your lips in almost a hiccupy tone before his hands were leaving your face in favour of wrapping around you and lifting you up into his arms.

He was holding you with the ease of a mother holding a baby, one arm hooked under your legs and his big hand resting on the small of your back to keep you uptight against him. At the little sound you made, he huffed in affection before he was affectionately bumping his nose against your cheek —almost nosing it.

"you stayin' with me for the rest of the day, bub" he whispered, his voice low and rumbly as his breath hit the skin behind your ear. His arms safely wrapped around you before his lips moved to place another kiss on the skin behind your ear. Who would've guessed the Wolverine was so protective of his cub?

[bulbabutt]

okay. lets bite the bullet and talk about 2012. lets talk about child abuse, familial abuse, generational abuse, toxic family units, whatever you wanna call it. lets talk about it and whether it exists in this show. i actually encourage you to read this no matter what your take is, just to hear it out. let me be FUCKING clear: i love this show, but i get scared to talk about it seriously. everyone on every side is defensive all the time but i love every turtles show to no end.

this post is going to go over so well and not controversially at all.

precursor: every splinter is some level of shitty dad. he always has been. the fucking bare bones of the character is that he raised his children to kill the man who killed his own father. thats inherently fucked up. every splinter has some level of fucked up about him. maybe hes inattentive, or neglectful, or strict, or secretive, maybe hes just not very good at dealing with his kids. splinter is supposed to be far from perfect. thats what makes him splinter. maybe he grows over the course of a series, maybe he doesnt. maybe hes supposed to be shitty his whole life, maybe hes not. thats just splinter. each is adapted differently depending on the story being told.

and 2012 has a very interesting tone to its story.

lets start at the beginning, back in japan. this is season 3, was this story what they intended when they started writing the show back in season 1? probably not, theres probably things they would have written differently had they known this was where splinter's story started. thats kind of the way tv works, you add the details later. but for our sake of analyzing the character of splinter as a whole, it seems best to start here as if its all intentional.

hamato yoshi is a member of the hamato clan. theyre a very traditional old ninja clan in the modern world, they have old feuds and theyre trying to keep their culture alive. they're literally the last of a clan of ninjas like this, having (supposedly) defeated the foot clan (their generational enemies) back when yoshi was a baby. hes set out to lead next, and its very important to him. and yet hes married to a woman who works in the city, a modern woman who doesnt live the life he does. she even moved to be with him. i feel the need to compare this to how men in the real world who want traditional wives never go for women who are willing to be their housewives, always try to break down the independent ones. splinter seems unconcerned with how his wife wants to live. with how she wants their daughter to be raised.

im not necessarily saying this is how this comes off in the show, but i find it interesting to think about. this is absolutely the most rounded version of tang shen as a character (thus far) it stops her being just a name on a page "hamato yoshi's love and the object of his enemies affections who died" and turns her into a woman who has a stake in the story. gives her more agency.

its very interesting that this show implies an actual relationship between tang shen and oroku saki, albeit a one-sided one that didnt work out, but they do seem to have parted on equal ground. the pair of them discuss yoshi's inattentive duties as a husband and father, that he's too obsessed with the tradition and lineage of his clan. honestly, if this woman just took her baby and left no one would blame her! he has his priorities set, and it leaves no room for her and their newborn baby. if she ran away with saki at this point, the story would make just as much sense.

but then disaster strikes, saki learns the truth about his family, that he was actually a child of the foot clan (honestly i wish we saw this play out instead of jumping ahead in the story but thats not what this post is about) and he kills he and yoshi's father. revenge for him having killed his. cycles of abuse and revenge that never end. the pair of them were raised in this society that values lineage like this, that would kill for it. its no wonder they both grew up this way.

anyway, tang shen is killed by a blow meant for yoshi, and saki takes their child and raises her. based on splinter's lack of desire to be a father so far in the story, its honestly not one you can blame him for. its fucked up, but it makes sense. saki does to miwa exactly what his father did to him. cycles of abuse and revenge.

yoshi loses everything, and moves to america. he's turned into splinter the mutant rat, and gains four turtle sons.

so as established, he's not exactly grown up with a stable family life. he obviously, while human, wasnt acting as a stable father for the child he intended to have. so how good is he at this?

ive talked before about how the 2003 show treats the turtles as kind of one whole unit. they don't have individual relationship arcs, they dont have overarching storylines where they grow apart or closer, they're always in each other's corner.

2012 makes this more dynamic. here we see that 15 years seeing no one but each other, growing under this splinter has come with its own quirks. these brothers dont understand each other that well. they get jealous of each others treatment, some are left out, some are misunderstood. raph resents leo, none of them appreciate what donnie does, mikey bothers everyone else for attention, etc. it creates a really good starting place for this show.

(the issue i have with this show is more that they never really open or close any of these beats, at least not in ways that last. but boy does it make for some good dramatic scenes)

we see over the course of this first season that splinter treats his children just as he was, as little ninjas more so than sons. he raises them to follow his traditions, the ones tang shen never cared for. but this is all he knows how to be! you cant really blame him.

most people bring up mikey as the quintessential example when they talk about this, i dont want to do that cuz i know you've all heard it. while i think his father does disrespect him and i think it is paid forward and his brothers do too, i'd rather talk about raph for a change.

in one episode, raph loses his temper. to teach him a lesson, splinter makes his brothers pelt him in training while insulting him any way they can, and tells him to just... not lose his temper. this is a terrible lesson in general. instead of trying to coax out why he might be angry, it just plays up that if he loses his temper bad things happen.

splinter in this episode basically encourages bullying. this comes up a lot when it comes to raph. to compare, in 2003 when raph loses his temper, hes told to blow off steam which he does. his brothers don't blame him for having emotional outbursts, they know thats just how he is so they know how he needs to cope with it. he's given the physical space to let it out.

im not saying this show needs to be like that show, im just saying thats a version of this story where the outcome is better for raph as a whole. since this outcome is not as good for him emotionally, you can tell why he's still got these emotional issues. splinter never helps him more than that. thats more why this raph differs from that one, if that makes sense. one has his family in his corner more than the other.

speaking of. raph has a pet turtle. this turtle is the only one he can talk to about how he feels. why might that be? it's the only thing hes kind and gentle to, and he refuses to let his brothers make him feel weak for being kind to it. where did he learn to be ashamed of being kind and gentle? thats a learned behaviour. in a house full of other men... yeah, that would happen. but whos values start that?

when this turtle gets some mutagen spilled on it, it tries to get revenge on his family. there is such a resentment going on here, its extremely juicy. the show chalks this up to "post mutation insanity", but its just as easy to think that everything raph has experienced has made him seem angry and resentful and perhaps scared to his pet, and that former pet wants raph to himself so they can be free. the frustrated venting of a child complaining about how no one understands him in such a big way turns slash into a vengeful monster, cuz thats all he's ever heard. it makes sense, he went from a little turtle to a fully cognizant adult aged being in an instant. emotionally no one would handle that well, and definitely not someone whos only ever heard the worst about people.

he comes around later. notably by being on his own, away from the hamatos.

again, im not saying the show is writing this intentionally, but i think tonally its in the zone where you could see this analysis as being canon. that these little pieces of narrative fit the worldview of a toxic family unit that isnt dealing with its problems in a healthy way.

there's other small aspects. leo slaps mikey early on, having seen it on his favourite show be used as a way of getting someone to calm down. mikey questions this behaviour, leo seems to feel bad about it when questioned. if we know that that behaviour was bad, what other things might he emulate in a similar way?

there's things like donnie's predatory behaviour towards april. in a world where all they ever knew was splinter's stories of the outside world (and perhaps television from decades earlier), hearing splinter's story of his love for tang shen, his rivalry with his own brother over her, you could actually see why he would behave the way he does, why he claims her the way he does. not as an excuse, but as a reason he learned the behaviour. and there's multiple opportunities for his father to tell him off. he never does. why would he? he knows no better.

this splinter, unlike every other, is not old or disabled. he doesnt require a cane (at the start, but also was never a good cane) and its interesting that despite being like... a 40 year old man in the peak of his life he does not accompany his sons on missions. he sits around doing nothing and disproves of his sons heroic actions. april literally calls him out for this at one point. the show is actually telling us some of this man's behaviour is wrong.

one of the more upsetting things that happens in this household is a lot of physical hitting. "theyre training" you might say. understandable. but when you see a lot of hitting come from the father in this show, played for a laugh, when you see splinter play the "drunk master" bit it makes you think. is that okay? isnt that a bit much?

the end of the muckman episode is a freeze frame of splinter (after having knocked out all of his sons to punish them for leaving while grounded) turning his anger on april and her running away. idk thats just not funny to me. this is a bit of the dating of the show, 2012 was a time where character's in shows were meaner, less affectionate, more bullying in nature. that was the sense of humour at the time. that isnt me making a judgment, it's just kind of the era. a pre steven universe world, if that makes sense. so many of the jokes that end in a hit aren't funny in 2024. especially not when they come from a parent.

when this splinter speaks about his kids to their brothers he often ends up insulting them. "you should be like mikey, he never overthinks because he doesn't think", this would be a big reason the boys speak about each other the way they do to their faces. puts forward a bit more of that bullying thing i mentioned earlier. if their own father talks about them like this, of course their brothers do too. so of course they join in and give payback.

again. splinter wasnt raised in a normal family. he was raised in a ninja commune with a bunch of murderers. he wasn't great with his wife and baby daughter. its not surprising that he's bad at this.

so, ive just said a bunch of things about what's wrong with this household as a whole. i think ive explained why the family unit behaves the way it does: generational teachings of feuds and traditional values. i dont think this makes the show bad! i, in fact, wish there was more of it. i think theres so much low hanging fruit that the show kind of wants to play with, but cant fully bring itself to.

specific example: during the space arc on a planet thats driving all the characters emotions against each other we get this amazing scene where raph screams at leo for being splinter's favourite. leo responds by hugging him. its really well done!

however its never brought up again, never actually getting into the nitty gritty of why raph feels like that is exactly what i think makes this show resonate with so many people

its dark! it pulls at your heart strings! it makes people feel seen! we go in mikey's head at one point and see such splintered (lol) personalities in his head. he has a huge anger problem (much like raph) in there. he retreats into imagination land when stressed. the show kind of toys with "these kids are fucked up!" but never lets those character moments go anywhere. i love how fucked up this family is. its so complex, it feels real. at least real to me. i wish it went that little step further and let the characters talk about these things a little more.

maybe you have a different experience, and thats fine! but i wouldnt brush off people like me who look at 2012 and say "these dynamics make me uncomfortable". to excuse it by saying "my family is like that and we're fine" sometimes i just wanna say... <:/ are you? have you talked about that? and if that's your read on it is that its fine, thats great. but some people notice patterns and those patterns can make them uncomfortable. i hope ive explained the patterns here.

i think thats why the fandom is as big as it is. this show would lead to the most amazing deep introspective fan-works youve ever seen, it lays the pieces out so perfectly for you to draw your own conclusions about why they are this way. you cant really blame people for talking about it as if its got a way higher rating than it does. it feels like it does.

i should say, i dont even know if i blame the show on its own for leaving those pieces laying there, it was on nickelodeon. i sense studio meddling in the tone. i mean, given that the show wanted to end with the big mutant apocalypse storyline, and yet the network wanted to end it with the big 87 crossover..... yeah i think its safe to say nick would rather they keep it light.

which is funny, because i think the most controversial thing i can say is i personally love the finale arc as the mutant apocalypse. it so encapsulates my favorite part of this show. to end this show in the darkest timeline and say "even though these characters are so far removed from who they used to be and even though the entire world is over they still have each other in the end" and i find that so perfect.

so. i understand that this is always a touchy topic. i know people want to brush it off as "people say the 12 brothers are abusive to mikey but mikey is fine", and i think thats a really skewed version of it from both sides. first of all. mikey is not fine, look in that boys head. look how he copes. he's not. but also, mikey is not the only victim. they all are. these turtles are victims of their upbringing, victims of generational war. of men who didnt know how to be good fathers in the first place. and thats good writing! it feels deep! it connects!

for more context: any fucked up way you can think of karai being raised by shredder? its probably the same way here. splinter and shredder were raised the same way.

i guess i think about this a lot, cuz i always see things like "oh, rise fans write crossovers where the rise boys love each other and have to teach the 12 boys how to be nice cuz they dont like 2012!" and i just think to myself:

guys. do you understand why a person might do that? why would someone (likely a teenager) want 2012 mikey to be treated nicely by a kinder more openly affectionate version of his own family? do i need to spell that out for you? why do we connect with media at all, why do we write our own stories about it?

if you genuinely dont. i mean, im glad for you. but sometimes you wanna imagine a world in which your own family is more openly affectionate with you. where they hug and tell you theyre proud and love you and you never have to question it, never have to look elsewhere for that kind of approval. its less that they're idolizing rise, and more that they're looking at the two families and saying "this one is emotionally mature and in touch with their feelings more than that one. how would that play out?"

doctor feelings ass response.

look, im not saying everyone understands 2012, that everyone likes or needs to like it. im just trying to say that i think these fucked up parts of 2012 are all around my favourite parts of the show. its an inspiring story about this fucked up little family that has no one but each other, and they're not great about it. they try, but they don't always get it right. i just wish the show would have talked about that part more. but i think that since it doesnt people get to fill in those blanks themselves, and they do it so beautifully. and i really wish people on the internet would be more kind to one another when they wanted to discuss these darker themes they find in it.

these are the reasons i love this show. i think its so very interesting that splinter dies this fucked up father figure who never really apologized for his behaviour. i like that raph needs to be held to stop punching his brothers. that leo doesnt have a good grip on what it is to be a leader, that he tries bad ways of doing it. i like that no one copes well! i like that their relationships are so complex! this show is messy! its good! i wish it was more messy!

and id love if we could be more honest about these things and how they make us feel instead of just brushing each other off as "likes the show" or "doesnt like the show". the things that make me uncomfortable are why i love this show and i'm pretty sure i'm not alone there.

[dead-boys-club]

Just saw your latest take on Keigo/Hawks and normalcy and it sounded legit ngl- probably one of the realest take on a character I've seen in a while so I wanted to ask something regarding the same character again.

How would Keigo/Hawks be with a quirkless s/o? (i have a s/i story and have some ideas to work with- but wanted to hear someone else's thoughts on it too)

I didn't want to go too fanon and just say yes - I know it's kind of shitty to think he'd never have that but I wanted to be honest about it. TT but, I'm glad you liked it, I really appreciate that.

I can't even do a tldr here lmao so. this one is actually shorter than the rest, for the simple fact i don't think there would be TOO much of a difference.

Okay, so - a point that was made in my last one can also stand here: he's going to find himself struggling to balancing his life with someone who has no quirk. It might sound silly to those not analyzing a character down to it's atoms but having a quirkless s/o means they can't go out on missions with him, which equals less time with them if he's busy. It's definitely not something he sees as a bad thing, just means when he gets back, his s/o is going to get a lot more attention.

Hawks would already be protective of his s/o and even more so if they have no quirk. He doesn't think they're helpless or anything but he feels like it's his duty to make sure they're safe.

In a society that values quirks on such a high level, he knows they may face challenges and whatnot that he thinks kind of sucks but he's going to support them in whatever they're doing. He would want to shield them from any type of prejudice they may face. Depending on his s/o, this could absolutely lead to a few arguments.

But, I feel like there wouldn't be much of a difference in how he treated his s/o. He'd still be the loving, protective loser he is. And if it came down to them being upset about it, he'd be more than happy to make sure his s/o knew they were loved, capable, and valued whether they had a quirk or not.

If they didn't have a quirk.. would he show them off? Most people write Hawks with a personality that screams over confident and egotistic, so I think most people would say he would - but, from my pov and thought process, I think he'd keep them as far from the public eye as possible. He would never be ashamed of someone he loved but he'd feel like letting the world know them and their rs would just put them in danger? Or, maybe I am overthinking this detail.

Now, there is one thing I've always been conflicted about when it comes to Hawks and his s/o and it's something I'm kind of hoping to get some other opinions on?

If his s/o had a quirk and was known, I feel like it would be impossible to keep their rs private.

I can say one thing without hesitancy: one of his feathers would be with his s/o at all times.

( + 👉👈 anon, if you feel like, idk, messaging me and telling me more about this story, i'd be happy to talk and learn about your pov of everything. )

[syrena-del-mar]

Very Rarely Do Men Know How to Be Altogether Good or Altogether Wicked

The last five minutes of today's episode left my mouth gaping, it really felt like I was watching a catastrophic accident happen in front of me and I just couldn't look away.

I wasn't completely sure on how Sand was going to learn about Ray and Mew's history, but I sure wasn't expecting that Ray's feelings would be exposed in such a volatile way. Maybe I’m in the minority here, I’m not exactly sure because I’m seeing a mixed bag of reactions, but I don’t necessarily agree that Sand ever needed to find out about Ray’s feelings for Mew. Much less from Boston.

This is partially going to be a bit of a continuation of my thoughts that Boston has a Machiavellian personality, followed up with SandRay's relationship becoming the unsuspecting 'victim'. Again, I'll be using pulling from Machiavelli's The Prince, but I'm also using his work Discourses on Livy. [Title credit to ch. 27 of Discourses]

Boston, still the Machiavellian 'Prince'

“Another difficulty to be added to the one mentioned above is that a state that becomes free creates for itself enemies rather than friends.”

― Niccolò Machiavelli, Discourses on Livy

Let me be upfront, I don't hate Boston, I actually enjoy the chaos he brings, but he's a fascinating character to break down and really analyze his actions. The last five minutes was, in my opinion, the most chaos that he has caused out in the open. This was never a situation of Boston 'saying what needed to be said.' This was Boston seeing an opportunity to take control of someone and doing so by unfairly outing Ray's feelings. I, again, stand by the idea that Boston is not a narcissist, but rather a Machiavellian personality type. This doesn't make him a 'villain'; Only Friends does a good job at showing that there are no villains in real life, just incredibly shitty people. Boston is simply a dick, who chooses to play with his friends to feel a sense of control when he doesn't have it. Has he ever cared for his friends? Does he keep them around simply for convenience? Hard to say. That doesn't make him evil, it just makes him a first-class jackass.

In my post where I had stated that he was more of a Machiavellian rather than narcissist, I came to the conclusion that, 'In his viewpoint, he is the kingpin, even in his group of friends, because he believes that he's the one that controls how his friends move since he knows how Mew is developing feelings for Top and is aware of Ray's feelings for Mew.' This time around, he practically admits it right after purposefully revealing Ray's feelings for Mew, "I just want to keep track of my best friends' romantic moments.' Boston hoards information so that he can throw it in people's faces when it fits him the best, there's no 'good intentions' on his keeping tabs on his friends.

Boston knows that TopMew are going to sleep together, they're serious and he's out of the running. Is it simply ego or is it because of self-interest? Whatever the catalyst is, he essentially has nothing holding him back anymore. He's seeing his "friends" getting "serious", while he's out there dealing with known (and unknown) filming of one-night stands he had being used as revenge porn. That'd hurt and anger anyone, but from what has been shown, Boston thrives off of control and so having his sex life used against him would feel like an even bigger blow. They're minor events that are snowballing and Boston likely needs to feel that control again. It's why he pushes Nick down without a second thought when Nick is trying to pull him away (opposed to how Ray lets Sand pull him back). So he claims that control back, he deliberately reveals what he knows, purposefully taking Ray down with him. While he may be feeling like shit, at least he'll be better off than Ray, who's left to pick up the pieces.

Sand and Ray, the intentional destruction of the 'kingdom'

“In general you must either pamper people or destroy them; harm them just a little and they’ll hit back; harm them seriously and they won’t be able to. So if you’re going to do people harm, make sure you needn’t worry about their reaction.” ― Niccolò Machiavelli, The Prince

Yes, Sand and Ray are in a “situationship.” Yes, they’re constantly getting both physically and emotionally closer. Yes, Sand is developing feelings for Ray (arguably vice versa too). But that’s it. They started off as friends with benefits and while they’ve been shifting around, neither one has fully crossed that line. There was no defined area in the relationship, at least not before the implosion. They’re barely getting to know each other, Sand even calls Ray out because he knew that Ray had never noticed him before, not in a way other than just the Bar Performer.

Ray is working through who he is without Mew, without his crush on Mew. He's come to the realization that while he put Mew as his #1 for many years, he's knows he's not that for Mew, and is slowly coming to the realization that he may have never been. These are his feelings to work out and his alone. Sand and Ray are first and foremost friends, as they had agreed upon and they happen to hook up often. This was what they agreed upon. Even if one or both of them are catching feelings, it does not mean that Ray has an automatic obligation to come clean to Sand.

Arguably, Boston was unaware of this set up, but honestly he didn't need to know. This was not his business, Boston didn't suddenly spill the fact that Ray has had feelings for Mew for years to look out for Sand. No, this was an intentional hit on Ray, where he was positive that it would hurt. Boston has repeatedly used Ray's feelings for Mew for his own convenience (Exhibit A: Meddling at the pool party), whether it be to get Ray to react in a certain way or to have a punching bag. He knew how defensive and reactive Ray would get when he brought up RayMew's kiss and supposed sex (was this ever confirmed?) that they had.

Boston speaks in definite presumptions when he talks about others, he does this to Top and he did it to Ray. He spins realities to how he sees fit and with the confidence that he speaks in, he makes others believe him. It's why Mew never questioned that Top is accustomed to sleeping around and didn't think that Top really wanted anything more than sex, because that's what Boston specifically told him that Top was like. It's why now Sand believes that he has no hour in Ray's life, even when Ray gives him the opening to ask more, because Boston purposefully spoke in definite terms. Even the most secure person would be left feeling unsure and unbalanced.

So when Sand, who knows that their relationship is based on being friends with benefits, is confronted with words from Ray's supposed friend who explicitly states that Ray is in love with Mew and that he's being used as a rebound, what else can he do but believe that?

What little trust and rapport that they had started to build up has come crumbling down. They're frantically gathering the pieces of a 'kingdom' that has been turn into dust, the aftermath of the Prince's wrath. It's why Ray scrambles for the bottle and it's why Sand shuts down. How can they react to what Boston did, when they're struggling to salvage the little remnants left behind of what was supposed to be a blossoming relationship?

[jheselbraum]

Do you think the GF fandom tends to wobbify Stan a lot more than Ford?

Oh absolutely. And part of it is standard fandom projection, you know? Which is fine, it's whatever. People do it to Ford a lot, too. No biggie. People do it because they see themselves in Stan and that's fine, it just gets in the way of more serious thematic discussion, though back in the day it was a Lot worse people were a lot less chill about the whole thing to the point where if you so much as dared to point out that Stan is a criminal without the qualifiers that he's a criminal because he had no familial support as he was maturing into an adult and was homeless so he kind of had to in order to get by, you'd get fucking demolished.

And like, it's because a lot of people relate to having shitty parents and being told by teachers that they're not smart enough and being homeless or at least really fucking poor. Like, it's just kind of something that happens with fandom, you know? And it's fine, mostly, fandom is a sandbox and a lot of these people are projecting so they can work through real world shit that's happening in their lives (you guys have no idea how many unposted "Ford has some kind of mystery chronic illness that's just absolutely wreaking havoc on his daily life" fics I wrote after I got diagnosed). And it's not like there's zero justification for it, Stan's a very sympathetic character in the show canonically, despite his status as a wanted criminal (presumably internationally), and a bit of a softie at times.

The problem is when the fanon woobification is used in place of actual textual evidence when people try to have serious discussions about the canon material and not your fanfic where Stan is just. Just real sad about his brother, why won't he thank him? He's sad!

This chart from @itsabouttimex2 explains the cycle very succinctly.

Like, I'd argue that Stan isn't even the most woobified character in Gravity Falls by volume (that honor goes to Fiddleford to be honest) but he's the character whose woobification is the most visible and has the most capacity to grind any serious discussion about anything even slightly negative that happened to Stan or, god forbid, was caused by Stan to a halt. Again, this problem has gotten better over the years, despite the fandom's recent "relapse" for lack of a better term, but (and I say this knowing exactly who I was in 2017) sometimes in order to talk about something you like in a fan context, you have to take a step back and remind yourself of who these characters actually are and what the text of a work is actually trying to say. Like, "death of the author" as a way to interpret a work is incredibly popular in fandom at large, not just in Gravity Falls, and it has its merits, but I feel like it's gone from "the meaning of the text is not derived from the author's intention, but the reader's interpretation" to "the meaning of the text is not derived from the text, but the reader"

"Sometimes the curtains are just blue" has already been used to justify completely abandoning the idea of critically analyzing a work (to the point where many reading this will see the word "critical" and assume that I'm talking about literally criticizing something and not analyzing a work to determine its meaning, its purpose, and effectiveness at conveying those two things) and some people will take that a step further and go "Sometimes the curtains are red, because red is better than blue. Sometimes morally."

I didn't expect to go off to yes or no question like that, it just kind of happened. I don't know, I prefer discussions about this show where I don't have to step over a dozen people who think I'm talking about the version of Stanley Pines that lives in their head and always Responds Correctly to whatever personal issue they might have.

[elfieafterdark]

I'm trying a thing, we getting a happy ending and here's why.

Preamble

Okay, @locked-in-the-tomb has me thinking about this. So let me outline why as a writer, I believe we're getting a griddlehark ending.

Firstly, credentials. I have written over a million words, 70+ works worth of fan fiction over the last 2 and 1/2 to 3 years. Including some that got pretty popular. However I will admit that I am not classically trained, I have a computer science degree not an English degree so bear with my horrible layman way of describing these things.

Lastly, I could just be full of shit. This could just be a whole bunch of cope. Because by the tomb I am coping so hard for a satisfying ending.

Beginning

So let's talk about the ending of the locked tomb. And also the beginning. I find my best received works are the ones that don't trick people.

An example would be my fanfiction called There's No One Like You, it's the most popular one I've ever done, it is novel length, it's a combination of a high school drama with a mystery thriller.

And I very clearly telegraph what the mystery is in the very first chapter. I won't spoil it too much just in case someone wants to read it, but in the first chapter is a very clear hint of where the story is going.

It's classic setup, you set something up, you telegraphed that it has been set up, you let it hang there for a bit, and then you pay it off. That's how you create a satisfying element to a story.

Now I'm going to argue that the entirety of Gideon the Ninth is setup. The entire book is, at its core, about Gideon and Harrow coming to terms with how they really feel about each other. What is my proof for such a bold claim?

Well let me ask you a question, what did we all think when we realized that Harrow spent all the previous night burying bones just so Gideon couldn't escape? We all thought the same thing, who the fuck would do that? And, why the fuck would you do that? And then we all got it, ahh, these two are enemies to lovers. Gotcha.

And let me ask you another question about Gideon the Ninth. What is the one scene that sticks out to you the most? When you think of the book what's one of the first scenes that comes to mind?

The Pool Scene.

The pool scene is arguably the most important scene in the entirety of the book. It's the scene in which we get answers to most of this book's mysteries. Why did 200 children die in the 9th? Why didn't Gideon die? Why was Harrow so vicious to Gideon?

All of these questions are answered, The 200 children were murdered to create Harrow, Gideon didn't die because the nerve gas had no effect on her, Harrow was so vicious to Gideon because Gideon was a reminder of what Harrow is.

Notice how most of those mysteries have to do with Harrow and Gideon. Because whatever themes you can extract from the story,

I would argue that Gideon the Ninth is about their relationship. They both need to come to terms with the shitty lives they've had, and they need to come to terms with the fact that those shitty lives aren't their fault.

Gideon forgives Harrow, and all but explicitly declares her love for her. In that pool, and Harrow is so happy. It's the emotional crux of the story (heh)

And it's setup for the series

If you haven't noticed, this series is about two people. Everyone else is incidental to that story. The series is about Gideon and Harrow. It's about their relationship.

Gtn is about them actually coming to a mutual understanding and respect. The very instant the other is in danger all of the pretense is dropped and that goes both ways.

Htn is all about everybody and everything telling Harrow that she should give up and move on, and her resoundingly telling everyone to fuck off. It's about the sacrifice she made to save Gideon's soul.

Now I've only seen Harrow mentioned twice in Nona so far, and both of those times are her hanging out with who I suspect to be God? I don't know I don't want to analyze that too far. We haven't seen Gideon at all so I'm not going to talk too much about Nona.

But the pool scene very clearly sets up the endgame, and that end game is cemented by the letter Harrow writes to Gideon, knowing that Gideon survives being consumed.

One Flesh, One End. Aka, I love you. I've talked about how this phrase is really a declaration of endlessly devoted love before, but they come to terms with their relationship, they sleep in adjacent beds which is as close to sleeping in the same bed as you can literally get without doing it, and they fight like hell to save the other.

Subverting Expectations: the Devil's Writing Trick

It's a pretty compelling setup isn't it? Fate has cruelly ripped them apart, and neither of them is willing to accept that, to the point that Gideon willingly became a part of Harrow; not to mention the point that Harrow is willing to lobotomize herself to preserve Gideon's soul.

That's a big setup, with Gideon's death, we understand the emotional conflict for the rest of the series. A conflict that is only confirmed by literally every single page of Harrow the Ninth.

How are they gonna fix this and be together? Remove all the awesome world building, remove all the excellent supporting characters, remove all of the religious theming, carve away all of the gay shit; and I earnestly believe that's what you have left.

How are they going to fix this? How are they going to be together? These are the questions that keep us all coming back. These are the questions that have us chomping at the bit for Alecto.

Now imagine after all that setup, after all that telegraphing, imagine that the answer to this question was

"they don't fuck you."

Let me ask you all something? Is that a satisfying ending? Is pouring all of this effort into these characters who in turn pour all their efforts into saving each other worth it at all if they don't succeed in the end?

Now some people might say that there's a beauty in tragic endings. And there is. I just think most of the time they're cheap.

I think I speak for many people when I say we want a story where characters go through all sorts of Hell, get beat the fuck up, struggle mightily against impossible odds, and maybe they lose some stuff along the way; but then they triumph.

The setup in Gideon the Ninth, that is continued through Harrow and I suspect we'll also be present in Nona is that they're going to fight everything in order to be together.

And based on how Harrow blatantly refuses to look back at the end of Harrow? The obvious trajectory of those decisions and these character moments is that they're going to succeed.

They've come this far, they've defied death itself. I just can't see the books ending any other way. Any other ending is going to feel like muir is spitting in our faces.

You paid attention to all that foreshadowing? Go fuck yourself on an iron fence.

Like do you all see what I'm trying to say here? The setup is that they get together, and there better be a goddamn payoff otherwise I'm going to riot.

Anyway, I would apologize for the length of this but I had a lot of fun writing it. And that's all that really matters in the end.

Thanks y'all, more to come soon 💖

[genericpuff]

Can you give us your thoughts on Big Ethel Energy? I haven’t seen anything glaringly wrong with it tbh, but I might not be educated on the topics the comic brings up.

TBF I haven't read it as extensively as LO (though that's a loaded comparison because I definitely put WAY more into analyzing LO than most webtoons LMAO) but my biggest issue with BEE is just like... the main cast (primarily made up of women) are so manipulative and toxic all the time. A lot of the comic's narrative feels very preachy while not actually practicing that empathy, very similarly to LO in which characters will just yeet out Therapy Speak or whatever have you and then use it to justify their shitty actions, rather than actually learn from them/correct them/etc.

One big example I can think of that alerted me to its issues (as many others) was the scene where Betty tears into her boss (Seth):

And he totally has a point, he acknowledges that he made a misstep but I don't think the irony of her calling him a "judgmental jerk" has been lost here because she's literally basing her judgments of him off instant reactions (and hoo boy, do a lot of the characters in this comic do that, but we'll get into that shortly).

But then there's complete tonal whiplash where they go upstairs to the roof where he reveals that he's changed his decision about working with Veronica (thus correcting the misstep that Betty was calling him out on) and Betty is just SO overjoyed by this that she-

Like, this is her boss, for starters, who she's kissing (without his consent or even any signalling that he wanted to kiss her in that moment) literally MOMENTS after she called him a "judgmental jerk". And then when he rejects her because there would be a power imbalance in their relationship that he's not comfortable with (which is a VERY reasonable boundary to set), she just ?? Goes right back to being mad at him and the story paints it as if he's at fault ??

Like they actually had the opportunity to showcase a story in which a power imbalance in the workplace ISN'T romanticized (like it is in so many webtoons like LO and Let's Play) and instead it made the boss out to be the bad guy for rejecting the advances of a female lead. And so many of the female characters in the story are like this, it's like they're trying so hard to be "strong independent women" but then they just come across as manipulative and mean all the time. Like sorry, but you can't just use "progressive language" like "mansplaining" to make your characters seem smart, Betty is being a huge asshole here over something SHE caused. It's very "woman good, man bad" with no nuance or consideration for the actions of either party.

And of course, they follow it up with Betty actually realizing she wasn't in the right, only for Veronica to come in and be like "nah you're allowed to hate who you hate" even though that kind of advice totally isn't constructive here when Seth was being completely reasonable. So Betty is literally just flip-flopping between actually caring about Seth and his boundaries to hating on him for having them at all.

Like, this is so miserable to read. Don't get me wrong, Veronica is traditionally a very "fuck you, I do what I want" character, but it just feels so gross when we know what Betty did was wrong and Betty ought to know this as well because she's usually the more reasonable foil to Veronica. It's not like it's empowering either of them the same way it would if they were fighting over Archie (as they traditionally do in Archie comics) and then mutually decided he wasn't worth destroying their friendship over, this is Betty's boss who she kept changing her opinion about based on whether or not he sided with her. It's flimsy. And they never really address Betty's behavior here going forward or use this as an opportunity for growth (at least from what I read following this, mind you I haven't kept up on the comic in a while).

To talk about the main character, Ethel, there's actually another weird scene that comes after the Betty/Veronica exchange, this is after she's started seeing Moose (though they don't have an official relationship yet) and is going over to his house for the first time.

Like, these two aren't even officially dating yet and she's already nitpicking things about him and taking his choices personally. It feels very unnecessary and vapid - and if you're someone who's read Archie comics before, it feels very out of character for someone like Ethel, who's traditionally a very sweet (albeit hopeless romantic) girl, here she just feels mean all the time.

And the comic as a whole just has a lot of these passive aggressive scenes. The internal monologuing of Ethel is insufferable because it's often just her constantly judging people or jumping to extreme conclusions. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for characters who aren't morally good, but I don't want to read a story that lives in the head of an asshole LOL

All that said, I haven't kept up on anything from BEE in a while, from what I've scrolled through of newer episodes at a glance it seems to have dialed back on some of that passive aggressiveness, but I'm gonna have to do a re-read of it at some point with the newer episodes included to form a stronger opinion. So take what I say here with grains of salt.

I just don't think it's necessarily a good example of a "strong romance series". Everything feels so petty all of the time and when it does try to act informed or mature, it's completely undercut by characters who can't practice what they preach. A lot of comics on the platform tend to stress "women supporting women" but then really it turns into "women hating men" and it's just like...?? Is that really the point of the message we're trying to get across here?

Add in the extremely stiff dialogue and text dumping and cheap art, and this just doesn't feel like something that would be made for a series like Archie of all things. The Archie franchise has really been suffering from lame melodrama and unlikeable characters as of late, I know there's only so much one can do to re-adapt a series that was from the 1940's, but it feels like it's often misinterpreting the point of the more modernized messages they're trying to preach rather than giving us an actual story with characters who learn and develop along the way. It comes across more as the Archie franchise looking for shortcuts to connect with "today's audience" by using cheap buzzwords rather than put any actual effort into the writing.

IDK, it's just a very mediocre comic with very mediocre attempts at seeming "progressive" and it feels so disingenuous. The characters never feel like they have any real integrity or development, especially with how some of them flip-flop on a dime based on whatever the creators want the audience to feel.

It's just a big ball of 'meh'.

[flower-boi16]

Why I LOATHE The "Amity Hates Hunter" Headcanon

In the TOH fandom, there's a certain headcanon that's been floating around in the community. You've probably seen a fan comic or two about and even an animatic video, that being, the "Amity hates Hunter" headcanon. After analyzing the show further and gaining a better appreciation for it, I can safely say that this headcanon absolutely sucks. Now there's nothing wrong with people having headcanons or anything, you can headcanon whatever the hell you want, but I really feel that this headcanon in particular spreads a really bad misconception about Amity and Hunter's relationship and kind of misses the thing the show is going for. So in this post, I'm going to analyze this headcanon and why it just. Does not work.

1. What Is The Premise of The Headcanon?

Before I dissect this headcanon let's first establish what this headcanon is about. Basically, the premise of the headcanon is that Amity doesn't fully trust Hunter after his redemption since she hasn't forgotten about the time he threatened Luz's life so he could get the titan blood key from her, and so she still dislikes him and hasn't bought his change yet. She would be more skeptical of him, basically.

Alright, so now we've established what the headcanon is based on, let's now get into the real meat of why this headcanon doesn't work. I'm going to talk about Eclipse Lake, Any Sport in A Storm and Labyrinth Runners and analyze each episode in terms of how they demonstrate why Amity wouldn't hate Hunter.

2. Eclipse Lake

Eclipse Lake seems to be an episode that is heavily misunderstood by the "Amity hates Hunter" crowd to me, as some people seem to forget certain things about Amity and Hunter's relationship here and ONLY focus on Hunter threatening Luz to Amity's face. This is where I bring up my first major point here; that being, Amity relates to Hunter. Amity and Hunter are directly meant to be parallels to each other, and Eclipse Lake does pretty clearly show that. Hunter throughout the whole episode basically does a "you and me are not so different" thing with Amity, with how they both have to live up to the standards of the people they care about and are afraid of disappointing them, and eventually, when Amity sees Hunter literally dig his own grave, Amity realizes that he is right, they are both kids held up to high standards by their shitty parents that they are afraid of not meeting.

And THIS is what people often miss here; Amity relates to Hunter. She's been in the same position and circumstances as him - after all, she knows exactly what it's like to have shitty parents, so she would empathize with him given their similar circumstances. And this could also mean that Amity would realize that Hunter, in some way, is being abused by Belos - which again, she would empathize with given she used to be in similar circumstances to him. She wouldn't hate Hunter, she would empathize with him because she sees herself in him, she knows what it's like to be in his position, to have parents who force you under pressure to meet high standards that you may struggle to meet.

Then we get to the moment that kickstarts this headcanon - Amity giving Hunter a hand in friendship, only for Hunter to betray her trust after he notices the titan blood key, and then threatens Luz's life in front of Amity so she could give him the titan blood key. After that, Hunter flies away with Amity having a disappointed expression on her face while she looks at him. I think some people tend to misunderstand this moment too - now, do I think Amity would trust Hunter after this? Not exactly, but that's until we get to...

3. Any Sport in A Storm & Labyrinth Runners

I'm gonna cover Any Sport in A Storm quickly since there isn't much to say, but it and Labyrinth Runners support my second major argument here; Amity doesn't have a reason to hold Hunter's past actions against him anymore. In Any Sport in A Storm, Hunter disobeys a command he was given by Darius just so he could protect his friends and fix his mistake, and at the end of the episode Willow shows Luz and Amity a group picture of the emerald entrails, ofc they see Hunter in the pic and they gasp and the episode just kinda ends after that.

Now, after Eclipse Lake, it is correct to assume that Amity wouldn't trust Hunter, though she could still heavily see herself in him and relate to his situation. But now in Any Sport, Amity is just given the information that Hunter disobeyed an order he was given and went out of his way to protect his friends, we don't know the exact conversation that happened after that moment but it's still a sign to Amity that Hunter's making a turnaround. "But Hunter kidnapped Amity's friends!" Why yes, he did, but he also went out of his way to fix his mistake and again, disobeyed an order he was given which would have risked his position in the EC. I don't think the other characters, including Amity, wouldn't factor that in. So while Amity still wouldn't fully trust Hunter - she would still see some signs that he is making a turnaround.

Then comes Labyrinth Runners. Now, I want you to pay attention to what Hunter does in this episode, because it illustrates my point of why Amity wouldn't hold any of Hunter's past actions against him anymore. In Labyrinth Runners, he...

Saves Gus from Adrian

Helps save the school

Gives clear information on what's going to happen on the day of unity

I think what Hunter does in Labyrinth Runners does make up for his past actions, which keep in mind aren't the worst things characters in this show have done (Cough Cough Lilith kidnapping and almost killing Luz in her battle with Eda Cough Cough, Amity almost getting Luz dissected Cough Cough), and so it wouldn't be out of character for Amity to trust him, especially when he saved Gus, aka, one of Amity's friends. This combined with the past stuff I mentioned about how Amity sees herself and relates to Hunter AND how Amity could just see Hunter as someone who was just lied to and manipulated by Belos which, I'm pretty sure the whole hexsquad would see him like that, means that Amity doesn't have much of a reason to be an ass to Hunter.

He's fully proved he's trustworthy, the others trust him, and so would Amity. I think it's also worth pointing out that, I don't think Amity would blame Hunter for what he did in Eclipse Lake. She knows why he did what he did, and again, she's been in the same circumstances as he was; I don't think she would blame Hunter for being desperate to gain his abusive parent's approval to meet his expectations since she was in the same position too.

So, in conclusion, Amity wouldn't hold any of Hunter's past actions against him, she doesn't have much of a reason to do so, since now he's proven himself trustworthy. However, a lot of people tend to ignore all of the stuff I just mentioned, and they create fanworks where Amity threatens Hunter in some way, which leads to a certain thing about this headcanon that pisses me off...

4. It Makes Amity into an Asshole

I think this is my biggest issue with how the fandom often characterizes Amity and Hunter's relationship; Amity just becomes an unlikeable asshole in all fanworks that spread the "Amity hates Hunter" headcanon. I am not going to name any examples here because you've probably already seen at least one fan work portraying Amity this way. Fanworks like these tend to ignore all the stuff I previously said in the last two sections and have Amity be an asshole to Hunter, which actually VERY OOC for her.

As if these works try to portray Amity as some kind of girl boss who "Is so protective of her girlfriend and will murder anyone who tries to harm her!", which is fine until you factor in all the outside context, once you do, Amity doesn't come across as a protective girlfriend in these fan works, she comes across as an asshole bullying an abusive victim when she has NO REASON to. Amity isn't a girl boss in these fanworks, she has no reason to treat Hunter like this for the reasons I already mentioned, yet people ignore ALL OF THAT in favor of Amity threatening Hunter cuz it makes her "cool" I guess.

Amity would be the first person to understand Hunter's situation and why he did what he did - she's been in the same position as him, and now, when he's proven that he's trustworthy to her, why should she be an ass to him? Do you see why it's annoying how OOC Amity is made in these fanworks? Really, this headcanon should just be called "Amity bullies Hunter" because that's what it is, Amity being an asshole to an abuse victim when she has no reason for doing so. I don't mind the idea of Amity being a protective girlfriend for Luz, it makes sense for her character, but when it comes to Hunter the fandom flanderizes it to an absurd degree.

5. Conclusion

I could talk about this longer and mention how this headcanon was basically formed from nothing but avatar comparisons and nothing else but I haven't seen Avatar yet so I can't really comment on that. Besides this post getting long enough already (I saw when I've made far longer essays on the internet). In conclusion; Amity wouldn't hate Hunter. Not in the slightest. This idea thankfully is starting to become abandoned by the fandom with more people recognizing that it is just. Does not work. And while that's nice I still kinda thought it was time for someone to fully analyze why this headcanon does not work (and that person was me babeeeeeeeey). So uh ya....bye.

[blue-b-bro]

Izzy and the candles

(kinda about Izzy's arc)

So I’ve finally sat down and looked closely into the candle scenes and after analyzing them, I’ve came to the conclusion, that they’re about the state of Izzy’s feeling towards Ed, how he deals with them. (if you have other ideas please share)

Let’s look at the scenes, shall we? (it's Izzy's POV, not what I think about his actions)

S1e3:

- He's not interested in meeting. - What? - 🕯️I explicitly told him… Blackbeard desired his company.

- But does he know who I am?

- Seemed to, yeah.🕯️ - And still, he said no. - You can "go suck eggs in hell" was his response, I believe. - Fascinating.

Why at that moment? Well, I think he didn’t lie, or at least he didn’t think he did. So he’s not punishing himself or anything. It’s about the whole conflict in s1: Izzy desires Ed’s company, wants Ed to desire his company. Izzy thinks, he knows Ed, but it turns out, he doesn’t know him so well.

He’s burning his hand by getting too close, just like his possessiveness ultimately only hurts him and Ed in the process. His feelings are so intense it’s actually destructive.

S1e7:

“🕯️Bonnet comes along, and he's like, "Oh, Oh, Blackbeard, I really love... I love the way you dress. I love the way your hair, your beard, and all that." I tell ya, I would've ripped his fuckin' head off. And I would have had him, too, I would have had him…🕯️”

And what is he doing just after that? Making a deal with the English. Proving that his selfish desire only makes it worse for both of them: Ed leaves him, Izzy made him work for the king.

S2e5:

Now, we need context. After Ed’s visit in s2e2 Izzy realized, that his selfish actions harmed not only him, but actually Ed too. That he was actively helping Ed kill himself, that Ed expected him, to just go with the plan, because he was his boss. That he was a bad first mate, because he almost killed his captain instead of protecting him, and that his way of love was bad, because it made Ed so miserable. So he metaphorically killed his old self (by trying to actually do it), stopped Ed, freed from his orders, and saved the crew.

He kept it mostly together until the crew was saved by Stede and then, there was nothing for him to do, no use for him. He may have did that big gesture to become his new self, but that didn’t erase his regrets. He felt responsible for Ed’s state, felt it was his fault for not doing his job, for making Ed hate him, for being useless, everything mixed in one miserable mess. He expected the crew to just let him die from overdrinking, because why would they care? They’re safe now, they have Stede. When the crew made him the new leg, he decided to give himself a second chance, stops drinking and tries to find a way to be of use (see? He didn’t get over it at all)

In e5, right after Ed’s apology (“And whatever that nasty, dark stuff was that brought us here, it's in the past. Which is all I want to say, at the end of the day, is we're trying to move the culture forward.”) he starts whittling the shark. The whole episode is about moving on, but Izzy doesn’t do that. He just buries his feelings deeper.

“Well, this is a pirate ship and I'm a pirate, so, yeah. I'm good with it.” He tells himself that that’s how it is, just like Archie said: “They get away with it and we move on”. Izzy doesn’t expect any apology, doesn’t think he deserves any, but he’s still hurt, he’s still unmoored, without any clear direction in life.

- So this is where all my candles went. And you've used the good ones. - Yep. I'm having to relearn the basics with one leg. [🕯️] - The basics? I think my basics might be a bit more basic than your basics. Actually, it recently occurred to me that... - That you know nothing? That you're a shitty Captain, yeah? - I don't know about that. But Blackbeard did say he credited you with a lot of his skills. - Yeah, well, Blackbeard says a lot of things. But what did he say about me specifically? - Well, specifically, he said you taught him everything he knows. Made him the Captain he is today. Perhaps I could learn at the feet of one of the greats. - Foot. - Oh, yes, foot. Sorry. - Ya know, maybe I could teach even you a thing or two.

“I'm having to relearn the basics with one leg.” He’s basically saying he’s starting anew. He decided to forget the past, to kill his feelings for Ed, all that hurt and sorrow and guilt, just move on.

“Don't know what you're talkin' about. A shark did this. Dangling my legs over the side of the ship. Served me right, too.” It was all his own fault, so he doesn’t need any apology. It was to be expected, so there’s no need to feel hurt or betrayed.

S2e8:

Izzy was telling himself it was his fault he got treated like that by Ed, it was just how pirate’s life worked, everything's fine, but at the same time Stede was happy, grateful and nice to him all episode, showing him, that no, it doesn’t have to work like that, it didn’t have to work like that. His relationship with Ed didn’t have to look like it looked, he could have had better relationship with Ed, if only he let him.

In e6 he’s drinking again.

they both know it’s not about the weather. it’s about Ed’s feelings, Ed feeling it was all too nice and something has to go bad eventually. And Izzy’s on his new track, trying to keep Ed in this better place, the one he so desperately tried to get him out of in s1. He now knows his relationship with Ed and Ed’s life was so miserable because of him, and he tries to fix it, to help Ed get rid of bad habits.

Izzy probably didn’t know how to respond, having mixed feelings about it since he was all about how it was his own fault and Ed apologizing actually contradicts it, forcing Izzy to acknowledge his suffering that he so strongly tried to repress.

“Turn the poison into positivity” it’s kinda like a response to s1e5 where Izzy was opposed/shocked by open culture on the Revenge and now, knowing his old ways were wrong he actually stops, asks what’s that about and tries himself. Izzy sings about looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses, and I think it’s about him wishing Ed and Stede well.

Izzy decided to focus on helping Ed and Stede in their relationship. He realized he was the reason for Ed’s unhappiness, it was him, who made him worse by trying to keep him to himself, and so his own feelings don't matter. His feelings for Ed don't matter, his love doesn't matter, and that’s why he’s all helpful, but at the same time looks tired. After Ed leaves Stede, Izzy finds him at the bar, (always with Stede when Ed isn’t around). He tells him he thinks they’re good for each other, comforts Stede, is ok with talking about their feelings for Ed. He tries to protect Stede from his auto destructive behavior post breakup (not just going along, like with Ed).

Now we’re at e8 finally:

- 🕯️Can't believe I have an audience with the great Israel Hands. That's absolutely astounding. I've always thought you were underrated. I mean, it's absurd, isn't it? Isn't it? That Blackbeard, he gets all this praise, when you are quite clearly the brains of this operation?🕯️ (playing with fire in a safe way, calm) - Ya don't know the first thing about piracy, do ya? - Don't I? - It's not about glory. It's not about gettin' what you want. It's about belonging to something when the world has told you you're nothin'. It's about finding the family to kill for when yours are long dead. It's about letting go of ego for something larger. The crew.

“when you are quite clearly the brains of this operation” Izzy feels responsible for all the bad things that happened to Ed, for his unhappiness. He wanted to follow and serve Blackbeard, not to replace him. He and Ed created Blackbeard, why would he want to have something that was already his? When Blackbeard got all the praise, Izzy was proud. The only praises he needed was those from Ed. (I don't mean he didn't care about being respected by others but appreciated)

“It's not about glory. It's not about gettin' what you want. It's about belonging to something when the world has told you you're nothin'. It's about finding the family to kill for when yours are long dead. It's about letting go of ego for something larger. The crew.”

It’s about Izzy abandoning his selfish desire to be with Ed, to have Ed’s full attention, to have his love, and focusing about caring for others, for his family (Ed and the crew), about their happiness.

And you know what? I think it could’ve been Izzy’s idea to go with Ricky, to be on the front line. That’s very like him and I don’t see other reason for it. The crew is protective of Izzy, it wouldn’t be their idea.

- Ed, I'm sorry. I've been terrible to you. - No, I'm sorry. - No. - What are you apologizing for? I should be the one who's apologizing. - I fed your darkness… Blackbeard. For years, I egged him on, even though I knew you'd outgrown him, but the truth is… I needed him. Blackbeard... it was us. You, me.

I’m happy he said that, I’m happy they finally talked. I’m happy Izzy finally said out laud how unwell he is inside.

bonus:

(⚠️ here comes finale criticism, you’ve been warned ⚠️)

But him dying there was as if Ed died in e5! Oh, he realized his mistakes and started to fix them, but still is very messed up inside. That’s Ed in e5-6. And somehow he got to live after apologizing to Fang, hmm? Yeah, it was very in character for Izzy to get himself killed for Ed, to apologize for his great crimes of *checks hand* misunderstanding, being confused and selfish and being in love with Ed. Understandable. Ed can realize he’s actually worthy of love and forgiveness, but Izzy isn’t? Izzy would agree, but that’s not the point. He wasn’t on the arc towards healing. He was on the arc of realizing how bad of an influence he was and then dying . He was marinating that thought since s2e2. How fun.

Like, yeah, he realized he was selfish and fixed his wrongdoings. But he also thought he was worthless and, ekhem, defiled his captain with his love, wait where did I hear that...

[lazyyogi]

My mother is in Hospice passing away from stage four cancer and only has about two months to live. I feel that grief can feel like death to a perceived reality. My family has always been dysfunctional and her passing is bringing out this dysfunction. My parents were emotionally abusive in my childhood but I made sure to forgive them as much as I could. Do you have any insight on detachment, grief, forgiveness, loss of a parent at a young age or anything of that nature? Blessings!

Hello again my friend. This must be an immensely challenging time for you. I’m eager to help however I can.

My dad died from melanoma the summer before I graduated high school and the resulting trauma is what catapulted me onto the spiritual path. While every loss is unique and different, there may be a few useful things I can share.

I think firstly an important point is that there isn’t one particular way you should be feeling. Rather, you should endeavor to be aware of your feelings however they may be. When our feelings remain subconscious or semi-conscious, they can sneak up on us and cause problems. Instead, prioritize mindfulness of your internal state continually and touch base with that often.

Secondly, you mention detachment. There are many ways to conceptualize and discuss detachment. Most relevant here is regarding judgments and conclusions. You may be inclined to draw conclusions or form judgements from your feelings of grief and sadness. When we start analyzing and extrapolating from our feelings in this way, that is when they attach or get stuck inside us. And rather than making our feelings more clear, it tends to have the opposite effect.

When we can be mindful of our feelings and allow ourselves to feel them without adding our own judgments and analysis, we tend to find a wider and wiser perspective. Not only that but also those feelings are then processed in a more healthy and efficient manner. It is almost as if you experience those feelings intimately as they pass through you without getting caught or stuck anywhere within.

That is why rather than calling it detachment, I prefer to think of it as a kind of inner transparency.

Lastly, I would say that all of this is a spiral process. Walking a spiral is like walking in a circle except that once you’ve come full circle, you have a slightly different vantage point than before; you aren't standing exactly where you had started. You will feel shitty and grief-stricken and then you will recover. And then at some point you will feel a new wave of grief.

But in time and with self-work, the feelings of grief change and mature. There is a Jewish saying I was told after my dad's passing, which I liked: “Let their memory be for a blessing.” When we have grieved and grown, the memory of our loved one becomes a blessing. It will forever be colored with sadness, but that’s okay. That’s not so bad when it means we also get to cherish their love and blessings.

After my dad died, I did all the things. I spent some time talking to a psychologist, I shifted my path from the occult to the existential, and I tried every meditation practice I came across. It wasn’t just that I was trying to address my grief, it was also that my dad’s death really drove home the reality of my own mortality, that I am going to die. And rather than simply wanting to feel better, I wanted to obtain the kind of insight that would free me entirely. Perhaps you may feel similarly, perhaps not.

I do hope your mother’s passing is peaceful and that she does not suffer. May she be blessed and guided through whatever comes next.

If I can ever be of help, always feel free to reach out.

Much love,

LY

[marunalu]

Hi! MHA 406 is almost bad for my taste because of Bakugou. But One thing!

AFO facial expression!!! Please analyze this!!! Please!!!

From now on I will just ignore EVERYTHING related to bakugou because it makes no sense any longer to get angry about it. Bakugou is horis pet character and the only character who truly matters to him. At this point bakugou is just the most horrible written gary stu character in shonen history and its clear that hori doesnt care about how shitty his writing of him is. Most of the mha fandom kisses bakugous ass anyway so the horrible writing about bakugous fake "death", his even more horrible written resurrecction and now in this chapter bakugous pain somehow making him able to create bigger explosions and making him faster just shows that hori can write whatever he wants about bakugou and the fandom will still eat this shit out of his hands! Like... I dont care anymore. So I will just do my best and from now on ignore this character as good as I can. If it will be suscessful is the other question, because horis writing of bakugou is just SO bad 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Anyway lets look at the actuall only intetesting part in this chapter. FINALLY we get a little bit more of afos and yoichis backstory and FINALLY we know 2ths name, because I was sick of calling him 2th all the time. My question is now is kudou his first or his last name? Because I think it would be weird if afo calls him by his first name. The only way this would make sense is if kudou once worked for afo and they were friends. Also interesting that we get 2ths name reveal before 3ths 🤔

Now I have the hope that we will soon get a little flashback "arc" or at least a few chapters dedicated about afos and yoichis past. Now about afos expression. Well LOOK AT MY MAN!!!

I LOVE how vulnerable he looks here. And its a smart move of hori to only show afos eyes (which for once dont look dead) again while the rest is in shadows. He doesnt want to reveal yet the utter despair on afos face when he realizes that his brother is DEAD! But you can clearly see in the way afos eyes and eyebrows are drawn how devasted he is. He is crying! To see the great demon lord and most dangerous super villain who ever lived with such an human expression is actually quite heartbreaking. It shows and confirms that deep down his demon lord facade is simply just a mask to hide his own human heart! Its nothing but an act to look strong and untouchable, so nobody could hurt him! Hori is showing us that, yes, this horrible bastard who did so many evil things to others is still a human deep down with feelings and emotional pain and who actually suffers. Thats how hori writes his villains and to me it was always pretty obvious that he would go the same route with his main villain. Afos demon lord facade is nothing but a coping mechanism to excuss his own evil actions and trying to distance himself from his own humanity.

This chapter confirms without a doubt HOW MUCH afo loved his brother. His only family! And the most interesting part is that afo wasnt even aware that HE killed yoichi. He was SEARCHING for him. He believed him to be ALIVE! Its his enemy who gives him the news that he murdered his own brother, but afo seems to be completly taken by surprise by this! There is just no way that afo actually REALLY tried to kill yoichi with full intent and backs up my theory that yoichis death was an accident or that yoichi sacreficed himself for someone else afo wanted to kill (like kudou and 3th) and then kudou took an injured yoichi to an other place where he died shortly after. Afo believed yoichi to be fine, he had NO IDEA his brother was dead! And it explains so much why afo is so obsessed with the ofa quirk. Its his only way to get yoichi back. The only thing that is left of him. His only way to make amends with yoichi and MAYBE even telling him that he is sorry for what he did!

He clearly still believes everything is kudous fault (what he is telling himself) like I mentioned already a few times in other posts. Kudou freed yoichi from the vault, filled his head with even more heroic ideas which in return made yoichi eventually even more reckless and putting himself in harms way. In yoichis eyes kudou and 3th are his heroes. What is the opposite of the hero? The villain! Lets remember that afo never called himself a villain while yoichi was still alive and even tried to put the blame on his followers when they did something horrible to others ("they did it on their own. I never told them to do it.") He was trying to keep his hands clean. But now Afo WANTS to be a villain, because in his mind its the heroes fault that his brother is dead! And maybe its not just that he wants to be a villain, but also that he believes he cant go back anymore. He crossed the line with yoichis death so to speak. He lost the only person that mattered to him. Why should he care for anyone else now? The world took everything away from him and thats the reason why he wants to destroy everyones happiness and future in return.

And if dfo is canon it could mean that inko and izuku were the first thing after 200 years afo cared about or even loved and saw as his last chance to leave his villain life behind him (him mentioning that he wants to retire). But then all might happend and izuku got ofa. Now there is most likely really no going back anymore.

[thewebcomicsreview]

Homestuck 2 updated, and thank Christ there's an option to skip to the chapter select this time. Let's see what we got

Year Four. Presumably we're doing 20-odd years total to make Vriska middle aged like everyone else, though I wonder how this'll read archivally when you can select the chapters out of order. Vriska is now ~20 years old, talking with Nannasprite.

I presume "Her" is going to be Terezi, but I'm actually a little mad we're skipping over the Eridan/Vriska part, if only because I think the entire fandom forgot Eridan and Vriska dated.

I wasn't sure what I expected from Homestuck 2 today, but it wasn't "Vriska and Jane talk about pregnancy".

You know, that's kind of an interesting angle. Nanna was raised by the Condesce and then her "brother" ran away to become an Englishman.

Is that :B the first instance of Nanna doing a Jane quirk thing? They are the same person, after all, so I guess it makes sense. Speaking of offscreen conversations I'd like to have seen, Jane meeting Nannasprite would've been cool to actually see. I suspect this whole conversation is setting up to contrast Nannasprite with Candy!Jane to try and figure out how one became the other.

Oh, wait, hold on. This whole thing is Vriska's character arc condensed, so I think what they're really getting at is connecting "maternal instincts" or whatever to Vriska's long-established habit of trying to make her lame friends into hobbies. Is that the connecting throughline here? Vriska just wants to be a human mom?

What a weird angle to take here, comparing Jane vs Nanna as a not-super-subtle metaphor for Thief of Light vs Normal Kid Vriska.

Nanna Egbert says to touch grass.

Also, I get that Nanna's husband isn't relevant to anything but the more she talks about her decision to give up ideas of revenge and start a family the more notable it is that she never mentions him. Maybe Dad Egbert was created in a lab and that's why he's the same in both timelines.

Anyway, moving on to Mindfang's journal. I'd completely forgotten that was the item for this chapter.

Oh, interesting. Why is there a crack in reality here? I guess it's supposed to be a spiderweb, but it's got that hole in the middle like the cracks in Paradox Space. I thought this was (Vriska) for a minute.

Also interesting, Mindfang doesn't have a "Mindfang:" in front of her text, the words just appear, like when Dirk or Al control the story directly. Mindfang, or more specifically her journal, is the destiny Vriska's been chasing, so I guess this makes sense as a followup to the Nannasprite conversation. Vriska can never be well-adjusuted until she stops treating pirate fanfiction as a religious text.

Uh. Is Mindfang being combined with Spidermom or what the hell?

Well, that was answered quick.

Oh, this Janus design is pretty sick.

Ah. Okay. I see. Vriska was talking to Nanna about why Nanna became a mom, and this conversation is helping her realize how abusive and shitty both of her own mother figures were.

These sprites are fantastic.

There's not a lot to line-by-line analyze here, the basic gist is that Vriska, like Nanna, abandons her desire for either reconciliation from or revenge towards her abusive mom and just quits. This is the update where you can most feel that James Roach worked on Stephen Universe, but I mean that in a good way. A decent update.

[trkstrnd]

Ya know, i find interesting that once Carlos realized TK was "the one," he really just fully assimilated into the 126 crew and TK's circle and just kind of checked out whatever and whoever was left of his past personal life. It's almost like he was searching his entire life for the life line that he had and then that was it for him.

It's just real interesting to me, because it kind of actually really unhealthy to do that (or it is in real life)- BUT, I do think with TK, it's the only time he has EVER been truly happy.

i agree with you nonnie

and this may not be something that you might be looking for, but i feel like this is a perfect example of why i am pretty positive that carlos reyes is autistic.

i guess tw fan headcanoning mental illness but i have done such a dive into this as an autistic person myself.

i don’t know how it happened, but i’m pretty positive that carlos is my special interest, so when i look at him, i like to break down and analyze every facet of him and his character.

this means who he is how he dresses how he acts what he does, and this current canon plot (even though i hate it), really hammers it home for me.

carlos always grew up different, too “soft” for gabe. he was constantly outcasted by his family, and now by canon standards we are pretty sure he only had one friend in school (that we know of). so when we look at all of the things that went into this (shitty ass) plot point, we see the following.

-outcasted

-low support system

-loner

-people pleaser

-one really good friend

-acting out in ways that will make him fit in.

when you look at these together: they form a mask.

carlos has been masking his entire life, trying to be big and strong for his dad, trying to be the perfect son for his mom. he had one single friend who knew everything about him and he never really branched out because he was afraid of inconveniencing or burdening other people. his entire past life was one big neurotypical comphet mask that he lived until he found tk.

he’s absolutely terrified that any small minute shift in that mask will ruin things with everyone he cares about. it’s why he told his parents tj was his friend, and why he deflected when to got upset and asked why. he didn’t know what his reaction would be, so he took the only way where he knew the outcome. he knew tk was going to leave either way, but if he refused to tell him the truth, then the truth couldn’t disappoint him.

furthermore, he’s hyperexpressive (another learned trait in his masking) and he sometimes lets it slip for just a second, and something comes out (2.08: “but you seemed so happy.”). he tries his best to react normally in high stress situations, but it’s a lot more difficult in their personal life because he feels safer with tk and feels like he can be himself around him (2.13, the specific expression he has when tk tells him that copper is at the door), but when he’s in work mode, the only thing you’ll get from him most of the time is a jaw clench.

and he’s not fully unmasked around tk all the time. he’s getting there, but the rage punching was a perfect example of him not necessarily knowing how to regulate or process his emotions, so they manifest into rage and he takes it out on the punching bag.

and HOO BOY he stims. he rubs his hands together, rubs his knees, tends to clasp his hands in public or cross his arms.

he also hyperfixates on things to a point where it can get unhealthy at times (3.05, watching that nanny can until the /sun was up/, not sleeping?). it’s why he’s a good cop and possible detective. he’s pushy and not easily distracted and he doesn’t let anything get in the way of what he wants, because he’s chasing the dopamine.

he hates when his plans are derailed or ruined. he knows when something is wrong because he’s good at picking up patterns in people since he is so hyperaware. it’s a defense mechanism.

he also has a hard time understanding nuanced situations like cooper and the whole friend from work debacle. he tends to over or under react because he’s not sure how to navigate the situation and his feelings.

and finally, relating back to the ask, i agree that carlos never was truly happy until he found tk, because tk kind of helps him navigate the world that is good for both of them. the perfect example of this is in 3.18, while he’s trying to give the speech, and paul and marjan and nancy interrupt because they know where it’s going. carlos looks like he’s about to murder someone for a split secind and he whispers something to tk, but tk is giddy and squeezes his hand because the message was received regardless of the heartfelt speech.

tk is his lifeline. he helps him navigate and understand the world around him, and carlos is able to be his fullest and truest self with him.

i think you’re right, nonnie. he wanted to get rid of his life before because he finally found something worth living for.

tl;dr: carlos reyes is autistic and never fit in until he found tk and realized he doesn’t need to fit in to be loved.

[tianshiisdead]

Hi! I'm going to be writing a loong final message for an ex friend under the readmore, it's very angry and upset and literally just talking about petty personal problems lol so please ignore it. To that ex friend, I know you know who you are and you will probably see this if you have someone tracking my blog, maybe you'll read this, maybe you won't. Either way, it's off my chest and somewhere you can see it. Don't worry, I don't use any names. Warnings for suicide mentions, suibaiting, the works.

Wow! The more I think about you the more I feel like a fucking idiot. I've mulled over this for ages, looked at all of our old chats, wrestled with tears and wondered what I could have done better. Here's my final speech, since you probably didn't read the one I sent last time we spoke.

What I did wrong: didn't set the hardest boundaries, only slightly pushed back when you triggered me and didn't call you out when you clearly triggered me on purpose for not giving you the response you wanted, brushed off your slur-calling and crudeness.

I apologize for that, I stand by the fact that I think I made my issues with your behavior clear since months ago, I honestly didn't mince my words that much, telling you when you hurt or scared me, asking you to be better, and jesus you know I'm not bsing because you always admitted fault and said you wanted to improve, you just never did. But I could have been harsher, meaner, obviously I should have been because you never took anything I said to heart in the long term.

Other than that, how dare you? How dare you think it was okay, whether I pushed back or not, to mock my family's experience with colonialism, and cultural genocide, the colonial violence that produced me, because I wasn't responding to you on voice call? Do you think it's okay to needle and mock things I've been vulnerable with you about and admitted to being sensitive about, just because I didn't call you out every time afterward? Some of the vile things you've said to me shouldn't even have crossed your MIND. How dare you think it was okay to threaten to kill yourself because I was asleep and didn't respond within a couple of hours? How dare you steamroll my boundaries for months after I told you I had a history of life-threatening disorders and weaponize it against me when I lightly disagreed with you on a political topic? How dare you talk behind my back? Do you think me telling you 'you're not a bad person but your actions hurt people' was me not setting boundaries? Do you think you were the only one with issues? I won't pretend you didn't comfort us at times and hype us up, you weren't a cartoon villain, but the amount of times you spoke over us when we were speaking but would RAGE if we didn't respond to you instantly?

How dare you. I destroyed my health to support yours, not because I was up for the task but because you made me feel like, flat-out stated that you would hurt yourself if I didn't and it would be my fault. And to be fair, other times I did reach out myself BECAUSE I CARED ABOUT YOU. And this is how you discard me? I know you feel guilty lol, you always spoke about feeling guilty after hurting us month after month and you'd give a half-assed apology, talk about being on whatever arc, and then continue doing what you always did. You could analyze your own behavior and recognize all of your shittalking behind people's backs was due to your own complexes, yet always stopped short of actually reflecting in a way that brought change. Our last conversation was pathetic. If you genuinely thought you were in the right, I would honestly respect that more. But I know you're guilty, you just refuse to confront that guilt. You refuse to take responsibility and fully deal with how you acted. You always want to blame it on something, you always need to make it about people hating you or being unlovable and evil or whatever unavoidable tragedy, get over yourself, you acted in a shitty way and now it's confronting you, it's not deep or tragic, it's just a shitty human thing you did.

And you know what, I've also been in a place where I've hurt a friend because of a similar mental illness, constantly needy and feeling like she hated me, constantly leaving our chats and spiraling and speaking to her about things she hated but she never told me she hated because she wanted me to be able to talk to her. And at one point she confronted me and told me how she felt, like I and our mutual friend told you. And I'm sorry but I felt bad too, I was also resentful, I wondered why she had never told me and wondered why she didn't set boundaries harder, and I also sat down and reflected and apologized properly. I knew and she knew my actions weren't completely my own, but I still hurt her and overstepped, and from the bottom of my heart I didn't want to lose a friend who I loved. So I apologized properly, not because I didn't want to feel guilty or because I wanted to move on with my life. I apologized because I hurt her, someone I cared about. I suppose that's too much for you to do.

Fuck you and I hope you go to therapy. I know you see me, and our mutual friends as a bad chapter you can discard, that you'll just move on without ever confronting the things you've done to us, some of them worse than what you've done to me, but you were my friend and I cared about you and gave my health and time to you because I wanted to see you happy and thriving. Sometimes I see the unfinished things I was going to draw for you and make with you and cry, and I know you don't have the heart to feel that way for me.

Final note. You told me a few conversations before our final one that you wanted to move on, make better friends that suited you better, make things better for yourself. And that's fine, but also kind of heartless. I don't regret our friendship, though I regret how you hurt us. I cared about you, and I gave you my time because I cared about you. I regret that when it got too much and I told you, over and over and over again through the months, you acknowledged what was wrong and then brushed it off and never changed. I regret that you see us as a bad chapter, guilt you have to get rid of, and not as individuals who cared about you, who you ultimately hurt and discarded. You really are on your grindset lol, always improving yourself, discarding the ones who don't improve you. Life isn't just about improving and grindset, other people have feelings too that aren't just there to build your character arc. We all fuck up and hurt people dude, and sometimes we have to just own up to it.

[runthepockets]

hey, why are you so obsessed with feminists?

It's not feminists, it's faux progressives. Women who hide behind the label of feminism to defend their shitty behavior and never do the work of unpacking their biases. There's a reason I specify Libfems, Radfems, and Pop Feminists specifically instead of generalizing all feminists. We're also in an era right now where women's rights are slowly being pushed back and stripped away. I also grew up during the Pop Feminist/Radfem/Libfem era of the internet and remember the only guys who spoke up about the contradictions, black and white thinking, and double standards being the worst men imaginable. We're far enough away from it now that I finally feel comfortable saying what I want to say how I want to say it.

It's a subject that's important to me and effects me. I like to think about shit and I like talking about shit. And quite frankly, I spent years being abused by women who claimed to be feminist when in reality they just wanted an excuse to say whatever they wanted and to treat me however they wanted and not get flack for it. They'd take all their bullshit hangups from their dads and brothers and uncles and ex boyfriends and project it onto me cus I was vulnerable and didn't have the spine to self advocate. It gives actually progressive feminists who put in the work of criticizing and analyzing patriarchy and male violence a bad name.