#feels incredibly adult

[mathysphere]

In 1999, on the 30th anniversary of the first moonwalk, the members of rec.crafts.textiles.needlework shared their memories of the historic event. Transcripts in alt text.

[malewifespike]

I’m buying a car

[sexyhotunicorn]

hai everypony hav human maid charlie with his nose ripped off Lol

gore was actually rlly fun 2 draw

[zorosdimples]

there seems to be this common sentiment that you’re only allowed to feel lonely when you’re physically isolated—when you don’t have friends, when you’re estranged from family, etc. but the truth is that loneliness is much more of a mental struggle—a frame of mind—than it is a physical state of being or a verifiable fact.

for example: think about a point in your life where you have felt incredibly and all-consumingly alone. sure, maybe you didn’t have many people around you. but i’m also willing to bet that there was at least one person in your life that cared—be it a friend or a partner or a teacher. but you didn’t confide in or open up to anyone because you either 1. were embarrassed; 2. thought they wouldn’t understand; or 3. didn’t want to be a burden.

none of these hang-ups are indicative of us actually having no one to speak to—no loved ones to comfort us. rather, they’re our own mental struggles which reflect our personal insecurities and emotions. at the end of the day, having friends around you doesn’t mean that you can’t (or won’t) have days where you feel isolated. you can have a sea of friends and family and mentors who adore you; but they can’t exactly reach out to that solitary place in your mind.

it’s silly to gatekeep feelings of isolation, especially on the internet. when people bring up “cliques” on tumblr, it’s usually rooted in a place of insecurity—one that we can all empathize with, as social media tends to exacerbate our personal feelings of inadequacy. but also, these individuals are generally pointing to small friend groups. a group friends isn’t inherently cliquish, because calling them such would mean that they are at their root exclusionary.

defining inclusivity within an online space is difficult, but often, people are quick to cry “clique” without any nuance. if someone is kind to you, i wouldn’t call that exclusionary behavior—would you? are they barring you from public spaces? are they actively targeting or harassing you? if not, your feelings are exactly that: your feelings. we can’t project our insecurities onto others and assume the worst; we need to give others the benefit of the doubt. we all have lives offline that are often more difficult than we will ever divulge.

i guess what i’m trying to say is that while we all are allowed to (and do, at times) feel lonely, we are each responsible for regulating our own emotions. going out of your way to blame others for your problems—when you have no evidence, no established patterns of behavior to reference—is childish. instead, let’s assume good intent, love on one another, and always be open to growth.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I feel like my relationship with my mom is ruined now and there's no getting it back and literally nothing happened other than me going on a sleep deprived rant on the internet to people who don't even know her

[pharawee]

Thank you so much for your thorough response. I'm not always good at following production companies. Please ignore this if I'm overstepping, I've already asked for a lot of your time and research, but other than 9naa are there other companies you boycott because of how they treat actors? I know there were some issues with 2moons and I know there were some issues for Saint, though those were long before my time in the fandom.

That's completely understandable. There's so many companies now that do BL - some of them aren't even primarily into entertainment (a skincare company did The Promise, and I think there's at least one car dealership delving into BL things now too, while other companies are purely for investment and why would you even follow those if they're only about money?).

I'm trying to stay up-to-date because I'm interested in the industry side of things but I probably missed a lot of stuff as well.

Here's what I know for sure:

Motive Village

Motive Village did 2Moons. Then they did 2Moons2 with the same characters (and story!) but all different actors. THEN they did 2Moons: The Ambassador with (some of) the same characters (and story) and different actors again.

Why did they do that? Probably because they're so bad at managing their actors that they're all collectively running away as soon as possible. But that's not even the worst part. One of the actors from 2Moons2, Din Teerapat (then known as Earth Teerapat), was actively excluded and blocked from all promotion while being completely trapped in his contract. Other actors weren't paid and were badly mismanaged. Then there's very serious allegations that Din might have been (I'm phrasing this as carefully as possible) harrassed by one of MV's higher-ups. Din never spoke about it and has since decided to move on.

Aam Anusorn, who directed 2Moons2 (and isn't related to MV in any way) has spoken up about this, and his series Call It What You Want is supposedly based on some of what happened.

Other actors who "escaped" MV include Bas Suradej, Copter Panuwat, Kimmon Warudom (who went on to sign with Star Hunter for a while and did the very delightful Gen Y which is basically 2Moons fanfiction), Tae Darvid & Tee Thanapon (who did Triage), Boun Noppanut (who was never with MV but wasn't paid for his guest role in 2Moons), Joong Archen, Pavel Naret, Benjamin Brasier & Dome Woranart. The latest escapee seems to be Park Anandatej who will be in Monster next Door.

Benjamin Brasier and Dome Woranart seem to be back to working with Motive Village recently and I'm honestly a bit ?? ??? about it.

Y.Entertainment

Y.Ent did Unforgotten Night and For Him the Series. Recently, the leads of For Him, Tor Atagorn and Dew Nitikorn (along with Yoon Phusanu who starred in Unforgotten Night and had a cut guest role in For Him), have come forward saying that they were never paid for their work in For Him. Additionally, Tor has opened up about being continuously harrassed and stalked by someone on and off set during filming. It affected him so badly that he is now in therapy and on medication for depression and anxiety.

Just yesterday Yoon Phusanu held a press conference because he still hasn't been paid. He's one of the few actors who actually have the means to hire lawyers and go against his company. His lawyer has stated that not many young actors in Thai BL can afford to do the same.

9NAA

9NAA did Check Out, Venus in the Sky and, most recently, Kiseki Chapter 2. You know about 9NAA already but for everyone else reading this and wanting to know what's going on with them, here's a short summary.

Here's some other companies involved in Thai BL who have done some mildly questionable things:

Maximon who have since rebranded as Harikarn (with another company now named Maximon that might also have been emerged from the original Maximon... it's complicated) might have not paid their actors for Chains of Heart until the series had long finished airing. Haii Sarunsathorn and Boom Raweewit, the leads, made some very carefully worded joke tweets about it - which kind of makes you go hmmmm. There was also a freelancer who spoke up about not getting paid for his art, but nothing more ever came of it. Both Maximon and Harikarn have since ramped up production again - with some of the same actors - so I'm not especially concerned for the moment.

Well.Thailand recently annouced a bunch of new BLs and then promptly went bancrupt. One of their former producers immediately picked up the slack and founded EntSync in order to take over all projects and talent. They've already held the blessing ceremony for Black Forest and everything seems to be back to normal for the moment except for Born to be Y the series which should have aired this month but has since been indefinitely postponed.

Fix Entertainment is behind The Whisperer and is holding the series' final episode hostage because apparently a planned fanmeeting didn't sell enough tickets so they seem to have run out of funds. This is very ?? ???

Studio on Fire recently announced that one of the leads of their upcoming series Live in Love will be replaced, citing creative differences and "different work attitudes" (hate that phrase yet?) as the reason. Weirdly enough, said lead (Non Ratchanon) is from another company and was part of an acting pair with their own actor Hearth Chindanai. Hmmmmmm.*

*This kind of reminds me of what happened with Saint Suppapong during and after Love By Chance when he was basically almost bullied out of the industry because he wasn't with the same company as all of the other actors.

As I said, there's probably more but I didn't include actor scandals, unfounded rumours or stuff that has already been resolved.

[viridian-house]

Do you have any favorite naruto fics you’d recommend? Any pairing, complete or not, on-hiatus, gen, oneshots, anything is fine lol

I was legitimately just pruning my bookmarks the other day!! thank you so much for asking.

I don't read too much fanfic these days, and I'm picky when I do--only about grammar/punctuation and immersion though. I ship a LOT of stuff (I guess The Youth would call me a proshipper) and although I never read darkfic, I don't shy away from weirder kinks and unhealthy relationship stuff.

categorizing by pairing, if applicable. some of them are smutty, and please note that the first 3 come from FFN which doesn't have a tagging system, but there is some SA CW I'll give in advance.

KAKASAKU | my first OTP! formative fics that totally reshaped my understanding of what fanfiction could be, and how well-written chemistry can make it or break it

HOUSE OF CROWS is the quintessential kakasaku fanfic. it was written during shippuden and so is canon divergent because of that, but also tells a comprehensive story of its own right that is intriguing and well planned. excellent characterization and world building. leaves me gutted in the best way on my yearly reread.

DUTY BEFORE HONOR is another silvershine classic. I don't reread is as often as House of Crows but they are just about equal in quality. again, the chemistry between them is off the charts, and the world feels so alive.

WILL OF FIRE for me is up there with House of Crows in being essential kakasaku reading. cynchick is a multisaku champion and a wonderful storyteller. the stakes in this one are stressful, the romance tense and believable, and we once again get lovely world building and great chemistry.

ITAKISA | a pairing near and dear to me, because men who do everything wrong are so deeply relatable. they both know they don't deserve anything good ever again but they found each other!!!! ARE YOU GUYS SEEING THIS--

A SHARK HIDDEN INN THE LEAVES doesn't have my favorite version of Kisame, but he's plenty close enough. it's a lengthy oneshot that got me into certain *ahem* kinks. it is a very fun and wild fic that is entirely self-aware of how absurd it's being, and manages to have nothing but sincerity at the same time (and I highly recommend the author's other stories as well)

AN ORCHESTRA PLAYING ON, INSANE is a modern AU (extremely rare in my bookmarks) that absolutely tore my heart out. god is it SO much to ask for these losers to be happy?! yes, it is, and I love every moment of it

MADAMITO | a rarepair I am SUCH a sucker for that has some of the most talented authors writing for it. lots of them have ot3 elements between them and hashirama, often angsty, but stuff like that is part of the appeal for me, lol

A HANDFUL OF SKY is an unfinished fic that I genuinely think about like once a week. if it ever updates then I will be over the moon. technically hashimadamito but it hadn't quite gotten there yet

LIKE ALTARS is just such a beautiful piece of writing, mostly on madara. it is everything, that is all

BLOOD AND RIVER WATER is more mito-centric but has one of my favorite madaras of all time

YOURS ARE RATTLED BONES is another short, mito-centric but gut-wrenching piece featuring the opposite type of madara from the last one

OTHER | character-centric stuff that isn't necessarily shippy but also doesn't have a very "gen" vibe either?

A SERPENT IN THE RICE is a little series about orochimaru that makes me feel so so so many things. highly recommended

HERETIC is such a love letter to kushina, and kurama too. cannot stress enough how much I adore this one

there's a few others that I probably won't link on tumblr, mostly unhealthy and/or "problematic" smut hhfhdj but maybe I'll make a public rec list on ao3 for these different categories and stuff like that.

but yeah that's pretty much it!!! I know it's not a huge list with a lot of variety but it's what I've enjoyed over the last 15+ years in the naruto fandom.

[mars-ipan]

some postgame doodles for pride month

[wonder-worker]

"It is too easy to dismiss [Leonor of Navarre] as an overambitious schemer who would do anything to obtain a crown, shedding the blood of her own siblings and her subjects in order to attain the throne. However, a deeper investigation of her long lieutenancy and ephemeral reign shows a woman who fought tenaciously to preserve her place but also worked tirelessly to administer a realm which was crippled by internal conflict and the center of the political schemes of France, Aragon, and Castile. She tried to broker peace, fight off those who opposed her, repair the wounds caused by conflict, protect the sovereignty of the realm, and keep the wheels of governance turning. Leonor was not always successful in achieving all of these aims but given the background of conflict and the lack of cooperation she received from all of her family members, bar her loyal husband, it is a huge achievement that she survived to wear the crown at all. Many writers have argued that Leonor deserved the troubled lieutenancy, personal tragedies, an ephemeral reign, and a blackened reputation, basing their assumption that she committed a crime that cannot be [conclusively] proven. However, a more fitting description of her would be that of a resolute ruler who successfully overcame a multitude of challenges in order to survive in a difficult political landscape and gain a hard-fought throne.”

-Elena Woodacre, "Leonor of Navarre: The Price of Ambition", Queenship, Gender and Reputation in the Medieval and Early Modern West, 1060-1600 (Edited by Zita Eva Rohr and Lisa Benz)

[the-cookie-of-doom]

My entire day is just. Studying child development. And I don't like it (it's complicated) but it's making me really want to write a kid!fic?

Look, watching that one episode of Ingredients Did Something To Me, okay??

After some youthful indiscretions when he's a teenager, Kim get's a girl pregnant. Korn finds out and makes the problem go away. Kim might not find out at all, until years later, when the girl - now a woman - presents him with a toddler and tells him it's his. And Kim is shocked to hell, but if nothing else, he's loyal to his family, and holy shit this child is his family.

Or maybe Korn deals with the problem in a different way. He's not averse to raising bodyguards, Kim says as much himself. He could easily take care of the mother (either paying her off, attic-wifing her, or killing her), with the intention of raising his grandson to be the next heir after Kinn. He knows the chances of getting a child out of Kinn are slim to none. Now he won't have to worry about that. He has a grandchild that he can raise in his own image, in secret.

This is going to get long so I'm going to continue under a cut

However it happens, Kim eventually finds out, and like hell he's going to let anyone keep him from his child. It will take him a while to get used to the idea, to lean into fatherhood, but he's not going to let his own father raise his child to be a killer. Kim sees a chance to break his generational trauma and he takes it with both hands and runs.

Kim has no idea how to be a father. He didn't have a good role model. He know show he's raised, and he knows he won't be the same, so he just. Tries to do the opposite of whatever he went through as a kid. (He's probably the overly-permissive type, but that won't be a problem until later.)

Kim also doesn't have time to be a father. He's in his last year of university, he has a career to manage. Korn of course offers to help - with Kinn running the family now, he can play the part of doting grandpa, but Kim refuses. Hires a nanny (maybe the one that took care of him as a child, the only one he trusts with his own) to help him figure this all out.

The official story, as far as WiK goes, to protect his clean image, is that the toddler is his baby brother. WiK is seen as the sweet, doting older brother when they're seen in public together (which he tries to make sure isn't often, but he's not going to raise his kid in a box, fuck that). It melts the hearts of all his fans, and no one knows he was a teen parent, a terrible role model, someone to scorn.

At some point in their interactions, Kim lets it slip that he has two brothers, and Chay is confused. He knows about the toddler, but Kim mentioned two older brothers? So doesn't that mean he has three?

Eventually Kim introduces Chay to his kid, and Chay isn't stupid. He was raised by his own brother, he knows what that looks like, and it's not what he sees now. His suspicions are confirmed the first time Kim lets him into his apartment. He tries to hide all of the baby things, but Chay snoops a little bit. Finds a child's room behind a door that should have been locked. He confronts Kim, very gently, with the truth. He doesn't judge. He sad that Kim feels the need to hide, even from him, but he understands.

He also thinks the image of Kim with his son is so much cuter than the idea of him with a baby brother.

Kim lets himself be a little reckless, lets Chay spend more time with him and his son, and it hurts how easily Chay takes to him. Like they're a little family of their own. But it's not real.

The first time Kim lets - no, specifically asks - Chay to babysit, because he has no one else, his nanny is sick, and there's no one else he trusts with his son (which is a shock for both of them on it's own), leads to a dramatic shift in their relationship. Kim can't keep pretending this is just a friendship of convenience. He trusts Chay, maybe more than he should, but he can't deny it.

It's going to make the breakup so much harder, because his son is old enough to love Chay, to miss him, to ask where he is when he stops coming over, and Kim doesn't have a good enough answer. Is barely holding himself together, without the added pain of consoling his heartbroken child, crying for Chay to come home while Kim has to keep himself from doing the same.

TBH, the kid is probably how they reconcile. Next time SomethingTM happens and Kim doesn't have anyone to watch him, his first instinct is to call Chay. But he's not allowed to do that anymore. So he drops the boy off with Uncle Tankhun (and is barely able to make him leave that horrible house with his child inside, but Khun is fierce, he'll protect him) and at some point Chay comes to see Khun, and finds him playing with the kid who missed Chay so much, and he knows he should leave, but when he tries the kid cries until he throws up (it's gross, but it's also sweet, but it's also so, so heartbreaking) and Chay just. Can't. Kim might hate him for it, but he can't break that little baby's heart all over again.

After, both Tankhun and the kid demand regular visits. (Khun knows exactly what he's doing. Yeah he loves his nephew, the kid is in that excited dress-up stage and lets Khun treat him like a little doll, but he also thinks Kim is an idiot and needs to start talking to Chay again, and if this is what happens, then so be it).

Little kiddo excited tells Chay about anything and everything, and then does the same to Kim, telling him about his day, all the fun things he did with Uncle Khun and Uncle Chay, and. It hurts. Kim was not at all prepared for how much it hurts.

It continues this way for a while, with the kid an unintentional carrier pigeon between Kim and Chay, sharing aspects of their lives to each other. They never cross paths because Chay always makes sure he's not there when Kim drops him off or picks him up.

Until one day he is. Kim was late (his latest mission was particularly bloody, he had to take extra time to get himself cleaned up and put back together, he won't let his son be exposed to this part of his life) and his son is inconsolable. Chay is trying his best. Just got him to sleep in his lap when Kim finally drags himself, looking fierce until his eyes fall on his son in the arms of the man he loves, and he softens, and Chay sees it, and. They really need to talk.

But kiddo is still sleeping, and Kim doesn't want to wake him up just yet, so he just. Sits down. Looking at him because he can't look at Chay, and Chay tells him how worried kiddo was (doesn't say how worried he was, too), and how he's been fussy all night. Kim lets it slip how much kiddo missed Chay/looks forward to seeing him now (doesn't say how much he missed Chay, and always hopes for a glimpse of him, always disappointed when he isn't there)

They have a lot to work through, but it's impossible to fight with the kiddo sleeping in Chay's lap, so they're forced to be adults about it. Talking quietly, with Kim admitting to things he never thought he'd be able to say out loud. Does say how much he missed Chay, and how he never should have left Chay alone, and how he never should have let Chay think he never loved him, because he did, so much he saw a future with Chay that scared him, and he ran, because he couldn't bear it if Chay left him first, better to break his own heart

Chay forgives him. They don't get together immediately because forgiveness isn't the same as acceptance, and they still have things they need to work through. But he stops avoiding Kim, and sometimes Kim calls him instead of Khun when he needs an impromptu baby sitter, and slowly, that little family that Kim never let himself dream about starts to take form in front of his eyes, and he wonders how he could have ever let himself run away from this.

[kakusu-shipping]

*Grabbing David Camp Camp by the throat* You did this to me.

[straylaughs]

oh my fucking god i need the people at jype managing vcha to fucking burn. what the actual fuck.

// tw suicide mention in the tags

[tired-o-fighter]

Alright

Things i have learned after 10 minutes on a rollator

- the speed goes faster and steadier and it's incredibly helpful

- knees do hurt a LOT less

- everyone stares at you but no one tries to talk to you they just walk out of your way as if you're gonna eat them. I'm fine with that. (I'm from a country where it's incredibly ableist. People who need mobility aid just don't leave home. You don't see ANY young people using mobility aids)

- THE WRISTS HURT

- in order to drop the weight on it you have to use all your arms and it makes you EXHAUSTED

- you can NOT sneak out with it thinking no one will figure it out

- there's a good chance you'd be in big trouble when you get back home because they now know you snuck out with it and they have the exact same ableist mindset and believe you don't need it

- you can just sit on it as soon as you get tired. This is incredibly helpful. Breaks are helpful to save spoons.

[laugtherhyena]

merry christmas!

-

Maybe, in another universe,

Benitsuru tightened the grip she had on her pajamas. Her father still wasn't home-- he said he'd be back early tonight.

People have time for me.

Hamato had to go a bit ago. She didn't understand why-- buncha grownup nonsense words leaving his mouth. Probably just an excuse to get away from her.

Maybe, in another universe,

The old grandfather clock began to chime. She hated that chime. Hated that it signified that same-old excuse that her so-called father made.

I'm not a burden.

She should be in bed by now. It was reaching 22:00, which meant she should be sound asleep. But she didn't feel sleepy.

Maybe, in another universe,

Her hands, small as can be, reached up and tangled in her brown hair. And she began to tug, tug, tug. The way it tugged at her scalp hurt, but it was a habit that she struggled to break out of.

She's here, instead of me.

Her gaze fell onto the picture above the fireplace as she tugged on the locks of her hair. Two women that she couldn't really remember-- her Mother, and her Sister. Benitsuru knew that neither her brother nor her father would ever admit it, but they're both constantly grieving.

Maybe she should be grieving, too. Grieving for a mother who died saving her. Grieving for a sister who died for no reason.

It was hard to grieve people she didn't remember.

Maybe it would've been better for her to swap places with those two. They'd both be alive, and....

.

.

.

She was too young to think about that.

You know what's sad?

Hamato was an unplanned child, Kanata on as well since the Ando's couldn't ever expect such situations like her accident's to unfold, but Benitsuru?

Yukari wanted another child because hers were growing up so fast, and Hikaru agreed with her that they could have a third child even if they were in their 40s already.

She was the one child they planned and the one that, due to terrible circumstances, received the least care from both growing up.

So it's really no wonder why she lached onto Kokoro out of all people as a mother figure; Her dad was hardly at home, and with Yukari out of the picture, that was the one adult woman who gave her the time of day. The same one who helped diagnose her when her dad didn't had time to investigate her mental turmoil, the one that would gladly anwser all of her questions about mentall illnesses and other topics alike, the one that would let her stick around he work place and help her even if just a little.

It doesn't matter if she doesn't act like a mother or sees her as a daughter, it doesn't matter that their time together wasn't all that long due to her sentence. That was the closest thing she's ever had to a mother in her life (why do you think her glasses are so big and round? Her father's don't look like that.), so regardless, she will still care. She will still visit.

(This isn't to say Beni is like,, A Kokoro apologist or that she excuses her actions. As an adult she knows about everything she did and she by no means dismisses it or tries to excuse it in one way or another. It's disgusting, its monstruous, but that's still the woman that she had nothing but good memories with when she was little. I don't think Beni can just do a 180 and start hating someone she had such a good view off first and foremost + It helps that -2+2 Kokoro feels remorse for her actions and regained her empathy from her time in th Sdra2 killing game)

And since I'm turning this gift into Beni rambke central i might as well elaborate here why her views on Yukari and Kanata are so drastically different when both of them are people who died when se was too young to remember them.

With Kanata, she learned all about how kind and great of a person she was from the surviours, mainly Kizuna due to how close they were and how she wanted to get to know and help Kanata so family in any way she could after the killing game. She heard nothing but great things about her big sister, hence why the admiration. The same that led to her asking more about Kanata to Hamato and even Hikaru when he was around, and obviously the thing that led to her wanting to pursue a careers in the medical field as well. It's like their getting ever so slightly closer even if forever apart.

But Yukari? The only people who could tell her of her mother were her family. Hikaru is busy as always and talking about her hurts him the most, Hamato is a more willing, but other than telling her some basics and showing her a few things he liked, he was grieving too, he couldn't say much.

It is easier for them to talk about her now that it's been a long time, but as an adult it's not like Beni wants to hear about her much anymore.

[ashmp3]

I talked about this but i think me not making a move on someone is like a pendulum swinging between me genuinely not wanting a relationship because i am so comfortable with always being alone and between being deeply insecure and afraid of rejection. but i’m chilling

[firebirdsdaughter]

Rewatching again, and…

… There's no denying that 'Eliot, Parker, and Hardison' are a 'trio' w/in the team, but I'm also subject to an ongoingly increasing appreciation for the 'Nate, Sophie, and Eliot' trio.