#feeling like a Facebook mom when I use this app

[th3j4germe1ster]

So like.. ik I’ve been kinda dead bc I’m on a break due to some personal shit😭

BUTTT I got a new oc being born so i need some help with his design :0

I’ll repost this with the images bc I’m too stupid to find out how this app works

[monicaalexandraaa]

So incredible!! This was so sweet and hit home in a lot of ways. You write beautifully and with such attention to detail. We are so lucky to get to read your work. You are so talented Sam🩷🩷

Two Negatives

~9.8 k words

From me: I promise it’s not going to be about math that much. This is an academic rivals sort of thing. It’s going to have at least two follow ups but this is the whole story overall. I think there are parts of it that are kind of hand-wavy and whatnot. Not completely connected or explained.

Warnings: Maybe if you read this the right way you may notice that Harry's a little bit of a sugar-daddy. Low self-esteem, cheating, mentions of sex stuff.

Summary: Harry loves annoying the girl in his classes. She's an easy target. And more often than not, she teases him right back.

Which Harry is an absolute sucker for.

“Hey,” he hissed.

She ignored him. Instead, her gaze bounced back between the board where Professor Charles was writing on the whiteboard and the paper in front of her alongside her notebook, dated and titled ready to jot down any issues she had as they worked through the new material.

Something hit the back of her head. Nothing that hurt. But she felt it in her hair. Probably a gum wrapper. Or maybe the actual piece of gum. She wouldn’t have been surprised. She reached behind her head without looking, grateful it wasn’t a piece of gum, and she dropped the wrapper in her bag beside her to dispose of later.

He dropped his calculator off his desk (flung it was more accurate) so it landed right by her foot. She didn’t flinch as it clattered and ignored the curious peeks of others looking at her like she was the one causing the noise.

“Give me a pencil,” he was right next to her, grabbing his calculator.

“Go fuck yourself,” she whispered so quietly she wondered if Harry could even hear her.

“Please! I forgot!”

“You always forget,” she hissed back.

Professor Charles cleared his throat. She glared at her paper as her cheeks burned with embarrassment. How dare Harry embarrass her in front of her professor because he was too stupid to bring his own pencil again. She placed dots on her graph as her professor did, stabbing at her paper a little too hard. Pretending it was Harry’s Voo Doo doll. Just so it would stop. So he would stop. But no. He was still knelt beside her.

“Mr. Styles, is everything alright?” Professor Charles asked.

“Yup, just tying m’shoe,” he said and stood up with a grin. That grin probably got Harry out of a speeding ticket, especially if he was pulled over by a female officer. Probably got him out of homework when he was in school because he knew how to make anyone feel flattered and good about themselves.

That stupid, pretty smile of his with the most adorable dimples probably melted any woman that looked his way.

Professor Charles rolled his eyes as he turned back to the whiteboard. At the same time Harry plucked her pencil from her grip mid stroke of the number eight she was writing. Before she could protest or even fully grasp that her writing utensil was stolen, Harry was back in his seat... right behind her. She took a deep breath and tilted her head to the ceiling trying to keep herself calm so she wouldn’t scream at him in front of everyone. So, she wouldn’t look like a lunatic. Why did he have to sit behind her? She reached into her bag and pulled out her pencil case and continued writing as if Harry hadn’t interrupted her at all.

*

She didn’t have a class following her lecture so she would have a second to breathe and eat, which wasn’t the case most days. Fortunately, she was head tutor at the academic center in the library which wasn’t far from the dining hall. It was also pretty easy going at the center, so she could eat while working. But it was always nice to pretend and be a regular student and eat in the hall. She listened to music and read her book. The only hour she got to read much these days. After tutoring, she would be headed to one more class before she was back to work at the college bar in the center of town.

Her schedule was mapped out to the minute. Her days filled to the brim with school and work. Because she didn’t have a choice. It was the same way every penny of her budget was scheduled and allotted for other things as well. It didn’t leave time for friends.

“Hey gorgeous.”

Well, one friend.

He pecked her cheek before sitting across from her. “Class good?” He asked.

She nodded. “Yeah, how was yours?”

He reached over the table, held her hand, and skimmed his thumb along her knuckles. It was sweet. If it wasn’t so forced. “Good,” he smiled.

Isaac was an extremely handsome guy. He was popular, smart, and funny. His family had big plans for him and that was why he was on this prestigious college campus.

“Hi Isaac,” a flirtatious call sounded from across the room. He turned to find the culprit but came up short.

“By the door,” she said. Isaac turned releasing her hand as he did and waved at the girl who dissolved into giggles. After greeting the masses, he turned his attention back to her. “Can I suggest something?”

“Of course you can, girlfriend.”

She rolled her eyes. “Do you really want to be with the kind of girl who will openly flirt with someone in a relationship?”

“I think everyone knows it’s a fake relationship.”

“Regardless,” she shrugged.

“Jealousy doesn’t become you, my love,” he winked. He grunted when she tossed one leg over the other beneath the table and perhaps overshot just a hair.

She met Isaac on the first day of college. She was bringing her own stuff into her dorm room alone. His parents caught sight of her. Recognized her as she looked like her mom’s twin from way back when they all roamed this campus themselves. But unlike them, she was there under very different circumstances. She greeted them politely, smiled, and chatted as she knew best.

But Isaac approached her later that evening. She was sweaty from unpacking all alone. Her saving grace was a dorm room to herself. Perhaps the only lucky thing about her freshman year. This place screamed money. Money that she didn’t have anymore.

Isaac screamed money. “I need your help.” So, Isaac made sure she didn’t die of hunger and didn’t become a complete social pariah. Made sure she was taken seriously because of course this campus was littered with people who didn’t believe smarts could come without money.

In return, she was to be a doting girlfriend. When his parents were around, she was to be a fixture on his arm. Would it last forever? Probably not. But at least she would be okay for four years. She was kind, lovely, the exact kind of girl they expected their son to find and help keep him stable to take over his father’s company.

The kind of girl that would let Isaac be with whoever. Of course they had their moments. Like the lunch breaks such as the current one. Making appearances so that if anyone asked it wouldn’t be unheard of that they were together.

But she was no stranger to the whispers. That poor girl has no idea her boyfriend is cheating on her.

Fortunately, she didn’t have time for a boyfriend. Especially not one like Isaac. So, if her fake boyfriend was cheating on her, then at least she didn’t have to deal with it. Each time his parents came to town it wrecked her schedule. Wreaked havoc on her study time. Her work time. After three years, it was starting to feel like more of a give and less of a take in comparison to him.

But Isaac was nice enough. He still thanked her profusely—especially when his parents were in town. He didn’t use a lot of tongue when he kissed her in effort to keep up appearances. Knowing where his tongue had been, she was grateful.

“I’m not jealous,” she told him. “I care about you enough that I don’t want your heart to get broken.”

“You know I don’t have one of those.” She rolled her eyes. “You know, I’d be happy to throw you a bone, my love,” he leaned toward her, his eyes flirty and his smile lascivious.

She snorted. “Not even if you boiled it in disinfectant.”

“Orgasms help with stress.”

“I’m not lacking in orgasms. Not that it’s any of your business.”

“Kinky, baby,” he winked. “You actually got me hard,” he told her. He wasn’t trying to sleep with her so much as he was willing to sleep with her. When they first arrived at college there were several firsts that both needed to accomplish and well, the fake dating wasn’t the only thing they were able to help each other out with. But after three years of rumors and knowing what Isaac was like outside their fake relationship, she was glad she got to him before all of the rumors swarmed around her.

“I have to go to work,” she told him getting up from the table.

Isaac really was a nice friend. Lovely even. But only if they were really alone. As time wore on, he got cocky and annoying—especially in public. It seemed like he was doing more of a favor for her than she was for him (even though she stopped asking him for things almost a month into their arrangement—shortly after she heard a rumor of a threesome).

But his parents loved her. They didn’t ask questions about his schooling or dating life because of her sweet nature. Originally, she felt guilty over their lie. But now, she was resenting that part of him more and more. He was a pretty good friend. But he was a dick of a boyfriend. “Are y’hungry, baby?” He asked.

She shook her head, cheeks blushing, and anger tingling in her blood. She hated the way he spoke to her in public; he sounded so condescending. Not at all like the kind and caring boyfriend he was supposed to pretend to be or even the kind and sweet friend he was behind closed doors. “Shut up, Isaac,” she sighed. His ego played a massive part in their friendship. He was rich and popular. She was not. “You sound like a douchebag.”

He pressed his lips to her ear, wrapped his arm around her waist. If she was looking in from the outside, she was sure it looked cute and romantic. “Mm,” he hummed ignoring her insult. “Can feed you something later,” he winked.

She knew people were watching so she smiled, leaned toward his ear. “If you’re going to feed me, I need a full meal.”

He chuckled, rolled his eyes and pecked her lips. “See you later, baby,” he kissed her softly again as he said it. “Gonna make sure you’re nice and full,” he promised loudly as he walked away. Not so loudly, that everyone would hear. But certainly loud enough for Harry Styles, who walked into the dining hall at that precise moment, to hear.

“Wow, bit extra for the dining hall,” Harry smirked. She glared at him, her cheeks warming.

“Don’t suppose you have my pencil?”

“Hmm,” he tapped his hands over his pockets. “Sorry Your Majesty,” he bowed in his over-the-top kind of way. “Clean out.” She rolled her eyes, grabbed her stuff, and made her way for the exit. Harry grabbed her hand at the last second pulling her back to look at him. “Y’okay?” He asked. “Y’look tired.”

She snatched her hand away. She was tired. But it didn’t feel good for it to be pointed out that she looked tired. “Thanks, I guess,” she rolled her eyes again. “I’m going to go now before you have a chance to insult me again.”

“Hey,” he frowned and called after her again as she continued walking away. “M’serious. Y’look like you’re getting sick.”

It was extremely unfair that Harry noticed that. “Are you concerned about me, Styles?” She glanced over her shoulder.

“Someone has t’remember t’bring me a pencil.”

“You could very much bring your own pencil.”

“Well, then I wouldn’t get t’have these lovely conversations every day, would I, Your Majesty?” She shook her head and ignored him as he continued speaking to her. “Hope he fucks y’good and full or whatever,” he called. She glared but refused to look back at him.

*

Harry appeared in one of her classes on the first day of her second year. A transfer from another school. His smile was panty-melting. Truly. Even she could recognize that. But regardless of how pretty he was, it was obvious how annoying he was going to be. He slid into the seat right behind her. “Hi,” he smiled. She ignored him, focusing on her professor starting class syllabus stuff. Besides, it seemed unlikely that someone like Harry was talking to her. “M’Harry,” he whispered.

She started scribbling on her notebook.

“He hasn’t even started yet,” he mumbled.

“Can I help you?” She turned around to look at him.

His smile was breathtaking. It really felt like he stole the breath from her lungs. “Sorry, Your Majesty. Didn’t mean t’interrupt y’doodle. Do y’have an extra pencil?” He asked.

She stared at the twenty-year-old man in his second year of college unprepared for his first day of classes. Perhaps if she rolled her eyes and ignored him, the trajectory of her life might have been something else entirely.

Instead, she handed her pencil to him.

“Thanks, Your Majesty.”

She rolled her eyes, anyway, facing forward.

*

In her Abstract Algebra class Harry was right behind her once more. “Psst.”

She ignored him. But his body was closer, his voice was closer. “Your Majesty,” he practically sang.

“What is your deal?” She hissed.

“I need a pencil.”

“Bring your own.”

“I like the one y’gave me. It wrote so smooth.”

She doesn’t know why she gave him a pencil.

But she really did know.

Harry was obviously handsome and from the way he chuckled under his breath over the lame jokes their professors made, he was quick and probably funny in his own way. But moreover, he had to be intelligent. Really intelligent to understand a pun about probability theory. The way others in the class fawned over him (guys and girls alike) it was apparent he was popular. Maybe popular like Isaac which made her dislike him just a bit.

It went that way every class. Harry was in four out of five of her classes both the fall and spring semester. Every class he needed a pencil. Each day he thanked her in his ridiculously attractive accent. Your Majesty.

What a dick.

But Harry talked to her. Even if it was just asking for a pencil. Or a picture of the notes he missed from when he went to the bathroom. He didn’t care that her family was broke. That she was broke. That she worked three jobs and hardly slept. He didn’t make her feel like she didn’t deserve to be on that campus.

“Did y’get the answer t’number nine?” It wasn’t a trick; he wanted her answer. Her opinion. “I got two different answers three different ways. There was no judgment that she couldn’t afford the extravagant lifestyle that her peers did. She had one winter coat. Not six to match her outfits. She didn’t have a car. She didn’t go out to eat and she made her own coffee except for on Saturdays when she splurged and treated herself to her favorite bagel and her favorite coffee.

Maybe it was because she saw him at a party. A girl at his side, smiling at him. Twirling her hair and touching his pretty chest. It was effortless. She didn’t have to try to flirt with Harry. It was a given. Rich, popular, perfectly pretty. The same as Harry.

Everything she wasn’t. Everything Harry would never want.

So she tended to Isaac. Kept to herself.

Gave Harry an absurd number of pencils.

Which continued into their third year. Where things got busier, harder, and more overwhelming.

But Harry was always right behind her. Asking for a pencil. Making her cranky.

But always making her feel normal when no one else did.

*

It was obvious Harry had money. The key on his ring had a symbol for a car that would never be in her price range. His clothes were pretty, the latest trends. Even his sweatpants looked like they were designer.

Maybe it could have been that way for her. Maybe if her dad hadn’t embezzled all their money. Hadn’t gone to jail and left her and her mother with anything more than a penny. Growing up she didn’t feel rich, but she never wanted. But right as she was applying to colleges, with only one college campus that made her heart happy, it was the first time in her life she thought about and hated money.

She imagined no one on campus ever felt that way.

But even if Harry had the nicest clothes and the nicest car, he never flaunted what he had. Not even to his friends. He didn’t show off or act like he had a ton of money. He was just there.

Which is why perhaps, when he annoyed her to pieces, she didn’t mind giving him a pencil in the end.

*

It was a bad day. She missed her mom. She was exhausted. Didn’t have time to make herself a coffee which just felt criminal. The test on her mind nearly brought her to tears as she sat down in her seat, seconds before her professor walked in.

Her pencil case was empty.

Part of her felt sad she wouldn’t have a pencil for Harry. Would he ask someone else? Would he stop asking her because of it? God, why did she even care? It was a blessing. He would stop asking her. She wouldn’t have to keep wasting money she didn’t have on pencils.

Plus, he wasn’t even there.

The test landed on her table. Her brain felt weary. Was she getting sick? Probably. Stress did a number on her immune system. It was a miracle she wasn’t sick all the time.

Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes she tried to calm her mind. It wasn’t the time to think about the reading she needed to complete, the shift she was covering at the academic center, or the dinner she was really looking forward to splurging on. It had been ages since she had chicken in her pasta dish.

“Hey,” how long were her eyes closed? How did she miss him coming to his seat.

“I don’t have a pencil, Harry,” she hissed back.

“Of course, y’do,” she could hear his eye roll.

“I don’t, I forgot my pencil case.”

He snorted. Her eyes flicked to Professor Charles who didn’t look up from his own paper at the front of the room. “C’mon, quit being a brat.”

“A brat?” She whispered.

“Quiet,” Professor Charles still didn’t look up.

“Sorry Your Majesty, jus’ give me a pencil and—”

“I don’t have one!” Her voice was quiet and maybe if she wasn’t only two rows from the front of the room, it wouldn’t have been a big deal when he pulled it out of her grip.

But she was towards the front.

Professor Charles stood beside their desks. “You’re both excused.”

Her face felt hot and pale at the same time. She felt like she was going to throw up. The feeling of eyes on her made her more embarrassed than the time she tripped and fell at her third-grade band concert. “Professor Charles,” she started.

“Enough,” he snagged her paper from her desk. Her throat felt tight, her eyes prickled, and she thought that maybe in a different life she could have been friends with Harry. Liked him, even.

But not then.

She bit on her lip to keep from crying as she packed her stuff into her bag and marched out of the room, head held high, and ignoring everyone’s stare. Especially the guy following her out of the classroom.

*

She slapped the door to the building as Harry continued following her. She was fuming. Practically steaming from his perspective. Yet he couldn’t help but think she looked absolutely adorable. “Quit fucking following me!” She snapped.

“My God, you’re so uptight,” he rolled his eyes.

“Harry Styles, you’re an absolute dick. Just leave me the fuck alone, for God’s sake.”

It garnered the attention of a few onlookers. But their path to the dining hall was quiet given it was the middle of class time. "Jesus Christ, do y’ever jus’ take a break? S’one fuckingtest, Your Majesty. For fuck’s sake. He’ll probably drop it. Quit being a baby."

A sniffle. One small, tiny noise.

"You don't get it do you?" She snapped. She didn’t want to. But she couldn’t hold it in anymore. It was too much. The final straw.

In the entire time Harry had known her he had never seen her this upset. Not like this. Not to the point where she was crying.

Because of him.

He made her cry.

"I have a squeaky-clean record. I have to be perfect all the time. I can't let one hair be out of place. I can't get one bad grade. If I do, then everyone around me makes comments and they assume it’s because I have no money. The poor girl can’t hack it here. It's this massive pressure on me all the time. I can't get caught doing normal party things. I can't get caught cheating on a test, Harry. I can’t. I lose my scholarship if I don't maintain my GPA. I can hardly afford to be here, Harry. I have to work three jobs. I have to budget every minute of my time as much as every dollar of my bank account. Do you know I haven't been home in three years? I miss my mom so much and I can’t even afford to go see her and I just pretend because—” she covered her mouth and Harry swallowed hard, willing himself to not cry as well. This wasn’t about him. This was all about her right now. “And now,” she croaked. “I’m going to have to skip dinner because I need to buy new pencils because I have been giving them to someone who’s too fucking inconsiderate to even fucking return them after annoying me for no better reason that for kicks.”

Her sniffles turned into sobs and Harry had never felt like more of an ass. He thought she was annoying at worst, but he never wanted her to cry.

Her crying, all her tears, they were all his fault.

"I study so hard. I have to. But I want to. I want to make enough money to support my mom, and I can’t do one thing wrong because if I do then I’ll lose everything. I have to study. I’m not like you, Harry. You just know everything and that's amazing, Harry, it really is,” and for the first time since he started interacting with her, Harry felt horrible for the way he had treated her. The compliment she gave was so thoughtful. The kindness in her voice was unmissable. He was practically shocked it even came from her mouth. “But not all of us are gifted with insane intelligence like you. Not all of us are God's gift to women and can go out and party and not be judged for kissing someone I like. Not all of us can afford to be here without help."

Harry kept his lip between his teeth to keep from speaking.

“I’ll get over it,” she sniffed. “Sorry for being so uptight.” She wiped her face and stalked off toward her dorm.

Harry had never felt worse about himself.

*

She wore her best interview dress. Her hair was pinned precisely so that the pieces that constantly flew away were at bay. She swallowed the rock that formed in her throat as she knocked on her professor's office door.

"Come in."

"Professor Charles," she was grateful he didn't look up because she was worried, she was going to curtsey or something equally ridiculous. "I wanted to apologize—"

"Your boyfriend already came to tell me he's at fault for the fiasco in class. He took full responsibility and said it was extremely unfair of me to refuse you the exam."

Her heart skipped a beat. "M-my boyfriend?" She whispered.

"Mr. Styles is very bold and I suppose I was a bit harsh. You are a brilliant young woman and role model to your peers," he praised. "Would you like to take the test now or schedule another time?" He asked looking up from his work.

She swallowed. "Um..."

"I would appreciate it, if you took it now. I need an answer key to grade the rest of them," his voice was steady, but she felt the compliment down to her bones. "I have a class in two hours, and I was hoping to check grading off my to-do list before it started," he explained.

She felt uneasy, overwhelmed, but not like she did when she sat down the first time to take the same exam. "I can do it now," she whispered and dropped her bag at her feet and situated herself at the table on the side of his office below the window. She got to work and completed the test as if all it asked was for her to write the alphabet down. She was checking over her work when she glanced out the window and saw the sprawling campus. There were people walking by at fast clips. Eager to get to the dining halls and rushing to make it to their classes on time.

But in the midst of all the people running by, there was Harry, sitting on a bench. His arm stretched across the back of it, while the other held his phone. He crossed his feet at his ankles and looked like a model for relaxation.

He took the complete blame for the test. She felt her heart aching and she stood from the table and went over to her professor's desk. "Is... Mr. Styles able to retake the exam as well?"

"I wasn't planning on it," he looked up at her. "Why?"

She bit her lip, looked at her feet. "I could have just given him a pencil."

"Mr. Styles should be prepared for his own education," he said knowingly. There was no way she was going to explain her relationship with Harry to her professor. Plus, she wasn't sure she'd be able to. She dropped her gaze and handed off her exam. "You can tell Mr. Styles he can come up and take the test," he said simply. "I have the answer key now."

She blinked.

"He'll probably ace it as well, but your handwriting is neater," he shrugged, tipped his glasses further down his nose and silently read her answers. She stood still, like she was waiting for the danger to pass. "Is there anything else you'd like to discuss?" He asked glancing back up. She shook her head, pinned to her spot. The strangeness of it all was overwhelming. "Men like Mr. Styles are going to have it a lot easier than you. The field you’ve selected is male-dominated and many will sell you short because of your gender," he said. "That doesn't mean you need to worry about your worth," he assured her. "You are a brilliant, hardworking, and talented individual. Mr. Styles should be bringing you pencils to class."

Her cheeks felt warm.

"Also, to be fair, it's nice to know you're not cheating off of each other because it was getting a little suspicious," he turned her exam back across his desk and wrote her score at the top of her page, upside down—98%. "Missed a negative."

"If Harry misses it, can you knock off more points?" She asked before she could stop herself then felt herself blush at how ready she was to throw him under the bus. She looked down shyly and covered her mouth before she looked up at him again.

Her strict professor made a face that resembled somewhat of a smile. "Of course."

“Thank you,” she hoped she sounded as gracious as she felt.

“Great work,” he nodded in response.

She headed out of the office and walked toward the bench. She sat beside him and faced forward. Harry put his phone back in his pocket and turned only his head toward her. "How'd y’do?" He asked.

"Ninety-eight."

He tutted. "Too bad," he smirked.

A smile twitched at her lips. She looked up at the sky briefly. "He said you can go on up and take it now," she told him.

He blinked. Surprise coloring his pretty features. Harry rarely seemed stunned, especially because of her. It was cute and also exciting that he was surprised by her. "What?"

She looked at her lap, trying to focus on her nails but not for too long because she was worried that she would gnaw on them if she let the nerves overtake her. "That was... the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me," she whispered. "Especially for Professor Charles' class," she continued. Taking a deep breath, she looked at him. "I was obnoxious. Bad day or whatever... it wasn't your fault and I’m sorry I made a big deal of it."

"I just wanted you to stop crying. You look ridiculous when you cry."

She smiled. A genuine one. Not a forced one that Harry had seen her give everyone under the sun. Not the one that she plastered on her face during presentations. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. “Y’had every right t’be mad at me. I was a complete dick.”

She shrugged. “I... I should have just given you a pencil... it turned out there was one at the bottom of my bag and... I kind of... like giving you a pencil. You just caught me at a really bad moment.”

“I know. M’sorry. I knew y’looked off.”

She tilted her head at him. “You knew I looked off?”

“M’pretty good at memorizing all your different looks,” he had a smile that made her melt. “Like right now, s’one of m’favorites. Y’look relaxed. It happens once, roughly, every three weeks, I think. Lasts maybe four minutes if m’lucky,” he winked. She rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. But Harry noticed how her cheeks turned red. It made him want to continue flirting with her. She was fun to flirt with. Her sarcastic comments were funny, even when directed at him, and it only amplified how smart he knew she was.

As much as Harry wanted to stay on that bench for as long as she did, he finally stood. Then rubbed the back of his head squinting at her, one eye closed. "Do you have a pencil?" He asked shyly.

She snorted, plucked hers from her pocket, and held it out to him. "I'd like it back," she reminded him. Even if he didn't, it was their thing now.

He rolled his eyes. "Wait here. It'll only take me half the time it took you." She rolled her eyes but pulled out a book from her bag and opened it to the page she was previously reading. "Hey kitten?" He asked. She didn't look up and Harry realized he never called her anything other than Your Majesty. He nudged her foot to make her look up. "Who did y’think I was talking to?" He chuckled.

"Who me?" She asked, but Harry noted the way her cheeks turned red. He rolled his eyes. "Sorry," she shook her head. "Did you need something else?"

His expression softened and he shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"Thank you," her voice was so gentle. "I'm sorry too."

"There's nothing y'need t'apologize for,” he shook his head quickly. “I was a complete ass," he admitted. She shrugged.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” he said seriously. “Please don’t let anyone treat you that way.” She nodded silently. Knowing that she couldn’t promise that. Nor did she expect Harry to make her keep such a promise, but it made her heart squeeze with disappointment in herself. “Be right back,” he nudged her foot again as he headed back to the math building. She returned to her book and tried not to think about how Harry was probably right. This was the most relaxed she felt in months.

About forty minutes later Harry exited the building, walking at a leisurely pace. He sat on the bench once more. She didn't look up as he did but the butterflies in her stomach reminded her that he was there. Harry draped an arm across the back of the bench and then presented her pencil to her as if it were a bouquet of flowers. "How'd you do?" She asked gently.

He sighed, clucked his tongue. "Ninety-five,” she smiled but tried and failed to hide it from him. "I missed two negatives."

She giggled. "How embarrassing."

"How embarrassing," he mocked in a voice that was meant to sound like her. "You're so annoying. Do y’know he uses your work as the answer key?"

It had to be a record. The longest time they had been together without bickering. The number of times she smiled because of him.

The fastest someone had ever fallen for someone she was supposed to hate.

*

When Harry saw her boyfriend, he started looking for her. He was clearly busy with his friends and the women they were entertaining. But she wasn’t amongst them. He did a loop around the party. Looking for her even if he shouldn’t have. He stopped and chatted during his search so it wouldn’t be obvious. But even when he did stop and leaned against the wall, or grabbed another drink, he kept scanning for her.

When his loop came up empty of the pretty girl he liked to annoy, he wondered where she was and how he could ask without it being weird.

“Hey stranger,” Eleanor smiled and kissed his cheek. “Where’ve you been?”

Louis gave a polite wave to his best friend from across the way, a knowing smile on his lips, grateful that someone he trusted could keep an extra eye on his lady.

“Jus’ wandering around,” he mumbled.

Did he sound disappointed? He felt disappointed.

She stared at him and stood on her toes to reach his ear so she could speak to him directly over the loud music. “She’s not here.”

“What?” Harry pulled back like she slapped him. Was it that obvious? It couldn’t have been. He was just… wandering. Like a lost, lovesick puppy wondering where she was and hoping he would find her to make the weird feeling in his chest go away. Eleanor cocked an eyebrow at him. Silently telling him that hewas not fooling her. “Fuck,” he mumbled sipping his drink. It was pathetic and obvious.

“She doesn’t come to these things,” Eleanor shrugged.

“Why?”

She sighed, rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t want her here.”

Harry felt like the words Eleanor said were spoken in a language he didn’t know. “Who doesn’t want her here?”

“Her boyfriend.”

The grip on the bottle Harry was holding tightened. “Oh.”

“Go ahead. Ask.”

“Ask what?”

“Harry.” He closed his eyes and looked around to find him. It was like he already knew it was going to break him. He didn’t want El to continue even though he knew he needed to hear it. “What he told her to keep her away? She dotes on him too much. Worries too much about her reputation and everyone else’s. She doesn’t have fun. So, he doesn’t want her here. At these kinds of things.”

Honestly, a party didn’t seem like her vibe. She was more of a game night kind of girl. Someone you could take to a family cookout or a pool party with kids. But calling her not fun? Because frankly, Harry realized he hadn’t liked a single party he’d been to in months and it’s because her banter wasn’t there to keep him company.

“Oh,” he murmured. Trying to feign indifference.

“Don’t you want to ask what I think?” Harry didn’t look at his friend. His eyes finally landing on the man that didn’t deserve the sweet, intelligent, and beautiful girl he didn’t invite. He followed his path up the stairs to the second floor. Right as Eleanor told him the worst thing he had ever heard. “He hooks up with other girls and he has the common decency to do it behind her back,” she shrugged.

“What?!” He spit his eyes dropping to Eleanor again. How could she be so casual about this?

“She knows…or I would imagine she suspects,” she shrugged. “But she’s good for his family. They adore her. And he helps her reputation. She’s trying so hard to dig her family—”

It was like he knew. Everything. All of it made sense. Every tiny fiber of her being was made for someone else—whether it was her family who she adored and helped as much as possible, Isaac who didn’t deserve her at all, or even Harry, who honestly wasn’t sure he was much better than Isaac. “Does she know he sleeps with them?”

Eleanor looked at him suspiciously. “I don’t know if they sleep with him. I’m assuming. But I think it’s a pretty good assumption. He’s probably—”

Harry slammed his bottle on the ground shattering it and drawing the attention of those around him. He took the stairs two at a time and opened every door to every room—an unspoken party rule: never open a closed door.

He was breaking it.

A girl shrieked and he just knew he had found the right room. He didn’t pay any attention to her scrambling to cover up her naked chest and instead yanked him clean off the bed. “What the fuck!?” Harry shoved him back into the hall. He was only in his boxers. Piece of shit. Someone whistled and Harry shoved him harder as he tried to push him back and make his way for the bedroom again. “What the fuck, Styles?!”

“Call her,” he snarled. Shoving him against the wall again when he tried to continue escaping. “End it. Now.”

“What are you—”

“You’re going t’cheat on her?” Harry’s voice was venomous. “Her?” He repeated. Like that was really all he needed to say. Everyone was staring now. Harry kept going. “Call her and end it. Or I’m going over and telling her you’re done.”

The stupid prick tilted his head at Harry almost condescendingly. “Do you want her? She’s not like us.”

Harry didn’t like the way he said us. There wasn’t a single connection he wanted to be associated with in context of the vile piece of trash in front of him. Other than he managed to pick the sweetest girl he had ever met. But simultaneously, the very wrong girl to fuck with, because Harry also picked her. Unlike the moron in front of him, he was going to do everything he could to protect her and her heart.

“She’s doesn’t have money. She won’t understand—”

Harry punched him across the cheek before he could stop it and someone else watching groaned at the impact and Harry continued talking. “Tell her now.”

“Christ, Styles! What the fuck!” He rubbed his jaw.

“Tell her.”

“I’m not telling her shit. She knows she needs me more.” Harry jerked back like he had punched him back. “What? You don’t think she’d give up the reputation I have, do you?”

Harry watched him silently for only a moment longer. Without a word, he headed back into the bedroom grabbing the stray clothes. Before anyone could rationalize exactly what he was doing, he was sprinting down the steps and outside.

He threw them in the pool without thinking, ignoring the laughter and shouts from him as he hurried around the side of the house. He continued running and didn’t look back.

*

Harry was in her dorm. On her floor. Stopped in front of her door.

He knocked.

Repeatedly.

There was no answer, but he knew she was there.

So, he knocked again.

And again.

Eventually there was a click of her lock despite the fact it couldn’t be opened without her key card. Of course she was all about safety. Finally, he heard her voice starting to speak as she opened the door. “I’m off duty if you have an emergency, you’re supposed to see the RA on duty and—” The door was open and out of the way before she finished talking. Harry pressed himself inside. “Harry! What are you—”

“Tell me s’not true.”

“What’s not true?”

“Y’know he hooks up with other women?” He glared at her.

The color drained from her face.

Harry rubbed his hand across his face. “What is the matter with you?! Are you so desperate for a scrap of affection you’ll open yourself up t’diseases and shit because you—”

“Shut the fuck up,” she hissed tears stinging her eyes instantly.

“—need him? You don’t need him. You’re a thousand times better than him. A million! Y’could have any guy y’want, and they would still want t’grovel at your feet. Why would y’pick the one Goddamn asshole who—”

“You don’t know shit. Harry Styles. Stop pretending like you know me because —”

“Then explain it t’me because I can’t think of one fucking reason someone as intelligent, kind, beautiful, and hilarious as you would—”

A weird noise left her throat. Almost a squeak. It was adorable. If Harry wasn’t so mad. He would have told her such. Would have reveled in it because she was so fucking sweet and cute. But instead, she asked the most heartbreaking question known to man.

“You think I’m beautiful?”

Her question was so soft. So unbelievably shocked. Innocent. All the words left his head. It was too quiet. His shoulders were rising and falling too hard and too fast. “What?” He shook his head.

She looked at her feet. Harry scanned her. Her shirt was too big. It didn’t look like she was wearing pants. Maybe she wasn’t. Harry hoped she wasn’t. She only wore one sock. Like she lost the other in her sheets or maybe she only purposefully put one on because only that foot was cold. Those pretty eyes looked at him, anxiety, frustration, sadness, all staring back at him from the depth of her soul. “No one has ever said I’m beautiful before.”

Harry felt something die in his chest. He really thought he would start groveling on his knees for her because he was one of millions of guys who wanted to grovel at her feet. He wanted to be better. As soon as he made her cry over missing a test, he wanted nothing more than to be better for her. “No one?”

“Just... my family...” She shrugged.

“Kitten,” he rolled his eyes. “You’re… you’re really beautiful,” he rubbed a hand over his mouth, pinching his lower lip, as he scanned her. “In a way that probably makes a lot of girls jealous,” she snorted. He sighed. “Seriously. Your hair, kitten. It’s... so silky and shiny and your eyes,” he shook his head. “And your brain, my God,” he smiled softly. “M’not even going t’mention your body. Because you’re more than your appearance, but m’really...” he nearly sighed like a lovesick teenager. Maybe part of him still was. “You’re stunning, kitten.”

She blushed. Really blushed. So hard that Harry could see it in the dim light of her room cast from the twinkly lights she had strung around the window. Her cheeks were so red and utterly beautiful. For a second Harry thought it would be easy. All of it. Getting her to like him. Trust him.

Her face morphed into one of utter distrust. “That’s mean,” she whispered. “You’re... that’s mean to...” she shook her head.

“Kitten,” he frowned. Unable to believe she could think like that. He didn’t even know where to begin. Everyone had to like her. She was lovely, beautiful, so intelligent it took his breath away.

But she mistook his hesitation for the worst. She shook her head. “Forget it. You’re just... being nice to me because... because you feel bad or something,” she sniffled. The poor thing couldn’t even take his compliment. Harry wanted to cry. “Just the way everyone else does,” she laughed bitterly. “Thank you for being nice. Or whatever. For wanting to protect me. I don’t need it,” her voice cracked. “You can go back to your party or... whatever it is that—”

“Love,” his heart felt achy.

“No seriously. I get it. I’m too nice. I’m stupid to let him walk all over me but you don’t know the kind of reputation my family has in comparison to everyone here. So yeah. I let him use me as a prop—”

“Stop it,” he snapped and shook his head.

“—because I’m good for his image, too. Even if it makes me miserable and—”

“Kitten, I’m serious. Stop it,” his voice was almost raw. Like he had been screaming for hours. Maybe it was the combination of anxiety and frustration rushing through him. Like adrenaline but worse. He wanted to cry.

“—it’s pathetic that when people see me with him, they see this innocent—”

“Shut. Up.”

“—intelligent girl who doesn’t know anything because her family is poor and broken—”

“Stop it!” His voice took on a new octave. It made her words fall away.

They were both seething with anger and frustration. The tears in her eyes made him sick. Like when he made her cry because she couldn’t take her test. It was only the second time, but he quickly realized he hated it when she cried. “Stop what, Harry?”

“Stop minimizing who you are,” he practically growled.

“Everyone else does it.”

“Oh yeah? Name one time I’ve done that. If everyone has done it; tell me, kitten. When have I. Ever. Made you feel like less?”

She was silent. Finally.

Harry never made her feel like less. He annoyed the shit out of her. Pissed her off and made her sad. But he never made her feel like she didn’t deserve to be on that campus. Never made her feel inferior.

“M’going t’kiss you,” he warned stepping closer to her now that he made his point.

Her brain restarted. Her cheeks flushed again. “Harry, we can’t I’m... in a relation—”

He glared at her as her back pressed to her bed frame. Cornering her in her open room that was suddenly infinitesimally smaller than it was seconds before. “S’not a fucking relationship,” he snarled. “M’not sure what y’were doing. But you’re not doing it anymore. Not with him. Never again.”

“But we were—”

“Y’don’t need him,” he assured her. “Trust me.”

“But—”

“Y’have me, kitten. M’gonna do whatever y’need,” he cupped the back of her neck, making the words stop on the tip of her tongue and put one hand on the small of her back, pulling her to him swiftly and devouring her lips. She moaned instantly, seconds into the kiss. His lips felt like warm little pillows. Cushioning her own. It was intoxicating. Unfairly, he pulled away almost as quickly as it started. “Oh s’nice, kitten,” he praised. “Moaning already,” he pulled back and peppered kisses along her jaw. She whimpered softly, making him groan. “Y’make pretty little noises like that, kitten. M’not gonna be responsible for what comes next,” he warned pressing his lips back to hers.

Her fingers tangled in his hair at the back of her head. Harry leaned forward arching her backward and wrapping his arms around her tightly. He didn’t want to be aggressive, but there was something in the way her mouth tasted, the way her body felt, that he couldn’t stop kissing her. Hardly breathing, or maybe he was trying to breathe all of her in, he continued pulling her lips into his mouth. Hoping that somewhere along the way, they would get stuck like that. Destined to spend eternity attached by their kiss like a Greek punishment. Except the endless touch of her mouth wouldn’t be punishment. Because he wanted it to be endless. Wanted to spend forever showering her with affection because she deserved that and so much more.

“Can I stay the night, kitten? I’ll sleep on the floor if y’want,” his voice was practically ragged. His forehead pressed to hers. “I jus’ don’t want t’leave you. Please don’t make me leave.”

“You can stay,” she whispered, her voice breathless and airy. “Not on the floor, though.”

“M’not a bat, kitten. Can’t hang from your ceiling,” he joked.

She snorted. “C’mon,” she tugged him to her bed and pulled her in right behind her beneath her covers.

There weren’t many times Harry felt peace. “Harry?” She asked, as she settled into his embrace. His lips skimmed along her face, pressing every so often to whatever he could reach. Like he couldn’t stop himself.

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

He squeezed her. “You’re welcome, beautiful.”

She sighed. “Your mouth is pretty nice when you’re not talking,” she said quietly.

He chuckled. “Just you wait and see, kitten.”

*

As lovely as the night before was, she tried to maintain a semblance of her routine between replaying the kiss(es) and the angry confession over and over in her head. At the moment, she was grabbing lunch for herself. It was probably going to set her back a bit since she’d need to buy more pencils since Harry stole them all, but she was a little too tired to go without supplying herself with more energy. She pulled her wallet out as the cashier rang her up. “It’s all set, love,” she said sweetly. Tilting her head, she gazed at the woman as if it were a joke.

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s all set,” she repeated. “Your food’s been paid for already.”

She blinked, glanced around, looking for someone that fit the description of Good Samaritan. “Who...?”

“I’m not sure. I was just told that if you came through the line to tell you it’s been taken care of. You can get whatever you want,” she shrugged.

Blinking again she glanced around again. A line formed rapidly behind her. She gathered her items and headed for a seat. The one where Isaac usually joined her. But there was no Isaac. She read her book and listened to her music in silence. It was peaceful. When the hour was up, she headed back to the kitchen area to grab another snack, lining up behind the others waiting to check out as well. “Your food’s paid for.”

She felt like she was being pranked. “Again?”

“No, always.”

She felt like her mind was short circuiting. “What?”

“Your meals. All have been paid for. For the year.”

The snack she got was going to be uneaten because she felt like it was a prank. “I don’t understand.”

“I really don’t have more details than that. We were just told your food was paid for.”

“We?”

“My boss left, but I can have him reach out and explain it.”

“Please. Thank you.”

Stunned, she left with her snack. She headed to the library academic center. The tutors on her shift all waved to her. “That gift is for you,” Gabby said. At the front table was a fairly large giftbag. The kind you get for a kid’s birthday and put a board game in it. She looked at it curiously and pulled the tissue paper out of the way. She swallowed the lump in her throat realizing she didn’t need the dining hall manager to reach out to her after all.

She plucked the card from the slot on the side of the bag.

Half are probably for me anyway.

The bag was filled with packages of her favorite pencils. More than she would need for the rest of her undergraduate degree. Maybe even graduate. Or even the rest of her life.

She took a deep breath and pulled out her laptop and opened her email. She typed in Harry’s address, because she still didn’t have Harry’s phone number. Even after making out with him for hours. After waking up in his arms later than she was supposed to and letting his lips linger on her skin.

She wrote her message and pressed send before she could overthink it.

You didn’t have to do that. It’s way too much, actually. I’m a little uncomfortable imagining you spending THAT much money on food and pencils.

Well. If you died of starvation, I wouldn’t have anyone to bother. Kind of a boring way to suffer through the last two years of college—we have Real Analysis I and II next year. I can’t do that alone.

Thank you. That was... very nice of you.

You’re welcome, kitten. Coffee is free too; I went to every shop within walking distance and left your picture. An old ugly one from your mom’s Facebook page, don’t worry. Didn’t want you to get a big head about all of this. It’s not a big deal.

Help yourself to whatever you need and if you need something else let me know.

And this is my phone number so you can stop emailing me like it’s 2003.

She smiled fondly at the message. Closed her laptop and felt happier to be at work than she had in weeks.

*

Harry didn’t force anything. She was lying against his chest in her small room, on her small bed. “I’m sorry it’s so cramped,” she whispered.

“S’better for snuggling,” he shrugged and kissed the top of her head. “Go t’sleep, please, kitten.”

“Don’t you want to... I don’t know, fuck or something?”

“Well, when y’propose it so romantically like that,” he murmured.

She pouted. “I don’t know... I just assumed that...”

“That m’like Isaac? Please don’t make that assumption anymore.”

“So, you don’t want to fuck me?”

“Oh, more than anything,” he tilted her head up and brushed his finger on her warm cheek. “But not until you’re ready.”

“I literally just—”

“No. Y’think s’because we’re supposed to. Not because y’want to,” he shrugged one shoulder. “I’ll wait,” he promised and kissed the tip of her nose, and it was the lamest kind of kiss imaginable. Being twenty-one and melting over a kiss on the nose.

Yet it made her want a thousand more of them. Made her want to cry with how adored she felt. Harry didn’t care that she worked a thousand hours. He didn’t expect her to make out with him. Or blow him. Or anything sexual. No, he practically begged her to sleep in his arms.

It was unfair how sweet he was wrapped up in the body of someone that made her infuriated for the last year and a half. Right as she was about to pass out, she jerked herself awake involuntarily. “Y’okay, love?” He hummed as if she so much as coughed and not nearly punched Harry in the face with her movement.

“Tired.”

“I know, baby. M’trying t’make y’sleep,” he combed her hair down. Traced her spine in the same movement. “Surprise, surprise, you’re a bit stubborn.”

“Who me?”

“Want me t’sing?”

“Don’t want my ears to bleed, no.” Harry chuckled softly. Ignored her.

Then hummed.

It was so warm, so soft, it felt like magic. Harry could sing. That wasn’t on any Bingo cards when she thought about Harry. She didn’t even know what song he was singing. But it lulled her right to sleep.

*

Harry was wrapped around her in the small bed, his head tucked below her chin, his face smushed into the front of her shirt. If she wore a lower cut shirt, Harry would have been drooling on her boobs. “You’re able to breathe in there?” She whispered, threading her fingers through his hair.

“S’the only way I want t’go,” he promised, his voice muffled with sleep and the fabric on her body. “Or with y’legs wrapped around m’head,” he shrugged one shoulder. If Isaac said that to her, she would have punched him. When Harry said it, it made her want to wrap her legs around his head. Made her squeeze her legs together. “Felt that,” he mumbled. Her legs were wrapped around his waist, so he had no choice but to feel it. “Did y’sleep okay?”

She nodded. “Did you?”

“Extremely. Wrapped up in m’favorite girl.”

Her heart fluttered and she kissed the top of his head. Never would she have imagined Harry being so sweet and lovely like this. “Are you... going to be mean in public to me?”

“I hope not,” he pulled away and rubbed his eye. He looked sleepy and boyish. A devilish combination for her skeptical heart. “Have I been mean t’you?” He asked. “I know I tease, but mean?” She supposed he wasn’t mean. Maybe the teasing tricked her.

“I guess the teasing—”

“M’so sorry love,” he frowned and cupped her cheeks, kissed her softly on the lips. “No more teasing,” he promised.

“Well,” she laughed softly. “I kind of like teasing you.”

He smirked. “I don’t want you to think m’mean,” his eyebrows pinched together.

“Can I ask you a question without making fun of me?”

“I think that depends on the question, kitten. If y’ask me some basic math problem like what’s the indefinite integral of x-squared times cosine x or what’s a negative times a negative—”

“Are we dating?”

He stopped his joke and cupped her face. Dropped his forehead to hers and brushed his thumb along her cheek. “I would fucking hope so, kitten.”

She swallowed. “You don’t care that I’m broke? Or that I work a lot and I’m crazy and—”

“No, I don’t care ‘bout any of that. You’re m’favorite person to annoy. The person I look forward t’seeing most in class. You’re the entire reason ‘ve never skipped class.”

Her heart fluttered. “You can’t pay for everything, Harry. It was a sweet sentiment but—”

“M’not letting m’girlfriend starve,” he rolled his eyes.

Her heart definitely fluttered. He was sweet. Harry was sweet. What a revelation. Or maybe she always knew that.

She looked into those beautiful green eyes that made her feel overwhelmed in the best way. “Why do you call me Your Majesty?” She whispered quietly. Almost scared to hear the answer.

He rolled his eyes again. A favorite past time of his. “Because kitten,” he pressed his lips over hers briefly, then kissed her forehead, and finally the tip of her nose. He met her gaze and made sure she was focusing when he spoke again. In a few minutes she would be busy, overwhelmed, and stressed. For the moment, Harry wanted to make sure she knew just how important she was to him. “I think you’re a queen.”

--

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach

@straightontilmornin @freedomfireflies @littlenatilda @kathb59 @babegoals

@angel-upon @lilfreakjez @mleestiles @ameliaalvarez06 @canyonmoondreams

@summertime-pills @daphnesutton @l4rrysh0use @perfectywrong @foreverxholland

@lovrave @st-ev-ie @pandeebearstyles @toosarcastic03 @luvonstyles

@tenaciousperfectionunknown @classychalamet @love-letters-to-uranus @emmaawbr @crossyourpeter

@kissinthekitchen @kittenhere @stylesfever @indierockgirrl @michellekstyles

@just-another-reader1098 @hermionelove @tiredinwinter @whimsy-willows @hannah9921

@fangirl7060 @triski73 @vikiii07 @prettygurl-2009 @madstyles3204

@angeldavis777 @tchlamqtsgf @lizsogolden @me-undiscovered @you-sunshine

@rose-girls-world @claimingharrystigertattoo @inlikea-coolway

I'm sorry if I missed anyone in the taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join, if it didn't work, if you no longer want to be included, etc. :)

If you like this, check out my masterlist here

[illiterateaffairs]

DISTRACTIONS SCENE BETWEEN | STAY LIKE THIS FOREVER

pairing: jamie tartt x f!reader (ted lasso)

rating: T

word count: 1,190

summary: the first time you spend the night at jamie’s place. this takes place between chapters three and four of distractions. 

A/N: here is the first missing scene from distractions! sorry this is posted so late but it’s still monday for me! i plan on doing a few of these here and there, and will be posting another for ted day tomorrow. please let me know if there are any other moments, either mentioned or implied, you’d like to see from distractions! because i had a busy memorial day weekend, i haven’t had the chance to get chapter seven of distractions in a perfect place, so want to make sure you guys have some small things to hold you over. chapter seven should be out friday!

distractions masterlist 

There were a lot of things that brought you to Jamie’s door that night. 

One was homesickness. You had made the mistake of going on Facebook - a mistake in and of itself - and happened upon pictures of your extended family at a get-together for God knows what. It really didn’t matter. It was just a reminder of what you were missing, even before moving to another continent. You could count on one hand the number of times you got to go home to see your dads in the last few years, and lately it's been hitting you harder how much you missed them.

The second was also Facebook's fault. As you continued scrolling through the app in a depressed haze, you’d happened upon a post from Mason’s mom. God you really needed to unfriend him and his whole family. She had posted pictures of their family; Mason and Chloe included. Without even thinking, you’d clicked on Mason’s profile and saw his updated status.

In a relationship.

He and Chloe were Facebook official. 

While this didn’t surprise you, it still didn’t make you feel good. It was embarrassing the hold he still had on you, even though you’ve long since realized you deserved better than him. It just wasn’t fair that he got to flaunt his perfect, new relationship even though he fucked up and cheated. Eventually, you knew you’d stop caring, but right now all you needed was to get your mind off of your ex and his new girlfriend immediately. 

The third reason you came to see Jamie was a bit more complicated, and you didn’t even fully understand it. The reason being that you just really wanted to see him. You chalked it up to being lonely and horny, and didn’t dwell on the swirling feelings any longer than you should’ve. 

You knocked on his door around 10PM. You were worried he might already be asleep, or out training with Roy. You felt more relieved than you should when you heard the pads of his feet approach the front door. When he opened it, his first reaction was one of surprise, before his expression became pleased. He barely had time to formulate a greeting when your lips were on his. Jamie didn’t need instructions. He immediately hoisted you into his arms and carried you to his room. 

While you were used to Jamie’s generosity in bed, he was extra giving that night. You’d quickly learned it was because he’d sensed your tension. After round three or four - you couldn’t keep track - you and Jamie were laying side by side. He’d slowly turned to face you, and pulled his sheets up to cover you both. He gently thumbed your chin, coaxing you to face him as well. 

“Are you alright?” he’d asked softly. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” 

Jamie shrugged, “You’re quieter than usual.”

You chuckled, “What? I wasn’t loud enough for you before?”

He rolled his eyes, but smirked slightly, “No, I mean, you’re usually more talkative.”

“Are you saying I talk too much?”

You realized his hand was still making contact with your face when he reached down to lightly pinch your shoulder, “Stop it. I like when you talk, but you’ve barely said a word since you’ve been here. And while I definitely do not mind the surprise visit, you’ve never come to my place before. Just wondering if something happened.”

You sighed, no longer able to meet his eye. “It’s really nothing. Was just feeling off today.”

Jamie hummed, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t think so,” you shook your head, “Not right now.” 

“Okay. Do you want to talk about anything?”

“Hmm,” you basked in his attention and the way he was playing with your hair for a second, “What did you want to be when you grew up?”

“What?” Jamie let out a confused laugh. 

“You know, like when you were a kid, did you always want to be a football player, or did you want to be something else?”

“Huh,” Jamie thought for a beat, “I feel like I don’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be a footballer. After my mom got me into it, I never looked back.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” you mused.

“What about you?” he asked after a few seconds. 

“I think in kindergarten I wanted to be a ballerina because I watched Barbie Swan Lake.”

“Of course.”

“And then when I was 9 or 10 I wanted to be a meteorologist. Or no, a storm chaser!” 

Jamie laughed loudly, “What? Why?”

“I don’t know. I watched the Wizard of Oz and thought tornadoes were cool as hell.”

“I think that’s the opposite of what you’re supposed to think.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not like other girls,” you both laughed. “But then in middle school, I took my first creative writing class and I was hooked. I felt like I could write forever.” 

“Is that what you did before you came here?” he questioned.

“Sort of. I wrote for an advertising agency, but I wasn’t passionate about it. What I really want to do is be an author,” you admitted quietly.

“Yeah? That’d be so cool.” Jamie whispered, still twisting your hair between his fingers. 

“I think so, too,” you smiled a bit, “But I just haven’t had any inspiration lately.”

Jamie nodded, “Well I bet when you do start writing again, it’ll be great.”

“How would you know? You’ve never read my writing.”

“I just know.” After another few beats of silence, he continues even quieter, “Would you ever let me read something of yours, when you do?”

You studied him through your lashes, before giving him a tiny smile of your own. “Maybe,” you respond coyly. “You have to promise to lie to me and tell me you love it even if you hate it, though.”

Jamie huffs, “I doubt that’ll happen, but I promise.” 

“Thank you.”

You and Jamie kept chatting for a few more minutes before your eyelids grew heavy. As you drifted off, you note how comfortable and at ease you feel with Jamie. Whether it's when you’re hooking up, or just enjoying each other’s company, you feel nice and safe. It was a new feeling, and you didn’t know what it meant, especially when you were half asleep, but you liked it. 

The two of you slept soundly, wrapped up in one another, until around 4AM when you heard pounding coming from the front door. Without opening your eyes, you groan as you feel Jamie pull himself out of bed and out of your arms. 

“I’m sorry, it’s Roy,” he whispered, “I’ve got to get to training.” 

You let out another noise of protest and Jamie chuckled quietly. 

“Next time we stay at my place where Roy can’t find us,” you mumbled tiredly.

“Sounds good to me.”

You barely registered what must have been Jamie kissing your cheek before you’re falling back asleep. 

You were fully out again as Jamie quickly and quietly got ready. Before he jogged downstairs to meet Roy, he indulged himself with one last lingering look at your sleeping form. 

God, you were cute.

A/N: once again, please let me know what you think!! and if there are any other missing scenes you’d like to see! <3 p.s. anyone who asked to be on the taglist today/yesterday I will make sure you’re included in my post tomorrow!

Taglist: @atabigail @boundtomyfate @sammysgirl1997 @lil-tracys @shephard17895 @alaspice @itsbarbraann @redpool @drmeghanjones @straightforwardly @alex-sulli @aiyaiy @artemismaximoff @roadtoself-love @theloud-yet-quietone @forcesofgrief @kirisimpster @geek-and-proud @grippleback-galaxy @lalla-04p @gabbycoady13 @royalestrellas @qardasngan @creationcitystreet-em @percysaidnever @emily-b @mrfitzsimmons @k-n-e @agentstarkid @legobatmans9thab @mrsprongs25 @escapismqueen @sokkigarden @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @dollfaceyourfear @dicgohargreeves @heyitz-julia @vampirodelascajas @grxcesmind @lizziel1410 @bcon24 @looooooooomis @queen-of-dumbasses @moseyluvs @alipap3 @amachira @respondingtoshowerthoughts-blog @daphneblakeswife​ @chelseamount​ @k0z3me​ @lickitandsendit3​ @miakreid​ @shimmeringfrenchie​  @meg-ro​ ​@spookysins @a-sweet-little-fangirl @optimisticsandwichgladiator @marveltg365 @ringpopdust @gcidrvsh @beardsplitter @scaramou   @ibong-adarnaaa @piper570 @eviemae263782 it wouldn’t let me tag the last few of you, let me know if its something with your settings, otherwise i can keep trying in future updates! <3  ​

[mimez-meme]

Todoroki headcanons❄️🔥

For one Halloween he dressed up as kettle, for another he dressed up as his dad but he regretted doing his dad because he got told ‘wow you look exactly like your dad!” Even tho he knew he was wearing a costume, it still hurt.

has asthma and he gets hyperthermia from his quirk 😼

Since i believe it’s canon that he’s fluent in English SOMETIMES he gets a free period when it comes to English, he mostly just chills outside. but his English grammar isn’t good and he can’t read or write in English so he does go to learn that (he can read some things)

Half blind in the eye were he’s got the scar

Use to wear eye contacts, mostly just on his blue eye because he doesn’t want to look like his dad whatsoever but now he doesn’t

His pain tolerance is quite good due to the training he went through when younger and the overall pain he’s been through his life. He’s described to ‘feel no pain’

Whenever he goes to an arcade now he always tries to win something for Fuyumi, it’s his way of saying thank you. And he’s surprisingly good at claw machines.

He defo laughs/lets out a little chuckle at Facebook mom jokes like “exercise I thought you said extra fries” or just dumb ass memes. Sometimes he sends them to natsuo and Fuyumi, if it’s a meme about hating your dad he’ll send it to endeavour.

Speaks his mind. Says everything out loud without meaning to. If you stink, he will say, if you did something wrong, he will say. (Unless it’s a secret idk) ect ect

Linked to last headcanon if you tell todoroki a secret, izuku and bakugo WILL know.

Once attempted to paint his dorm room but failed miserably, he was painted, not the walls.

Writes down everything on notes app, he even writes down convos sometimes.

Owns dumbass slippers, they look weird and don’t even fit him.

He hates sharing his food. He only offers to share when someone is upset because he doesn’t know how to comfort but if they actually take the food he will be more upset then the person (but not show it) also hates when people chew loud. It annoys the actual shit out of him, once froze a guy because of it.

When he learnt about Mario and Mario games he said “me and peach are alike. Always trapped, and forced to stay with someone you don’t like.” Or something like that idk. Or when he watched frozen for the first time and related to Elsa. Hates zoos for the same reason. he says/thinks the animals are like him. Trapped in a place we’re they can’t get out, forced to eat certain things or the same thing everyday. Trained to do things.. ect. He wants to set free to all the animals.

Always seeks approval from someone before he does something and that’s mostly on trauma.

When it’s summer he sweats easily and ALOT even if he uses his ice side to cool him down. when it’s winter he gets cold easily but he can warm up.

When he got a phone it become a.. kind of escape for him. He can’t use it very well, but he uses it to distract himself from the world when needed.

Has one plushie from childhood. He hates it but loves it. He keeps it hidden in his dorm, and hugs it at night sometimes.. likes to think it’s his mother or something.😗 it was the only gift rei got him but it was after she burnt him so it was a way of saying sorry.. todoroki didn’t really like that

He does not know what love feels like. He didn’t even know he could have platonic love before having friends. He doesn’t know what romantic love feels like so he will never know when he’s inlove with someone but he’s kinda glad it’s that way because he doesn’t necessarily want to be in a romantic relationship because he doesn’t want to be like his father. He finds love confusing.

Because he didn’t use his left side (fire side) for ages due to not wanting to use his ‘fathers’ quirk. Once he started using it again, he got burns and he wasn’t the Absolute best at controlling it. But because he did go through alot of training as a kid he did know what he was doing, just forgot how to apply some of it (if that makes sense.)

Linked to last headcanon. Since he lost some control over it, he was scared on what his father would think if he saw that so he began to overtraining himself again. He wants to not care what his father thinks, he wants to just not care in general. But he can’t help this fear that’s inside him. Izuku noticed this and began to help him and he talked to him.

Only likes cold drinks.

Not use to physical praise, or just praise in general. When present mic patted his head for the first time for doing well in a test he was confused and didn’t get why he was hitting his head but he also kinda liked it, so whenever he does something right in English class or does well he expects a hadpat from present mic or even asks for one. Same thing happened with aizawa but with a hand on shoulder or something like that.

Autistic but isn’t diagnosed yet. But aizawa and present mic has tried to talk to endeavour about it.

Thinks bakugo is his best friend for no reason. Calls him ‘bestie’ and ‘best friend’

Trauma dumps randomly, he doesn’t really mean to but he does. He does it in a funny way tho. For example he was at midoriya’s and inko was making them tea or something and todoroki said to izuku. “Don’t worry izuku. I’ll be here if your mum tries to burn you. Wouldn’t want you to experience that.”

Never celebrated any holidays until he came to UA he was so confused when everyone started celebrating random days, but he started liking them.

Doesn’t understand emojis. If you sent a “😭” to show that you are laughing or something he would be like “why are you crying?”

Use to walk people’s dogs for money and use to send that money to Fuyumi/his siblings

Has sensory issues, hates tight clothing, stuff around his neck (he doesn’t mind necklaces) ect

He doesn’t take fantastic care of his hair but it’s always majestic looking, whenever someone asks what he uses he just says “water.” (He doesn’t just use water but yk)

Views iida as a brother. Sometimes his brain makes him out to be natsuo, sometimes Touya.

Always goes shopping with the girls.. but he just carries their stuff.

He has an animal that reminds me of each of his friends. He sometimes call them by that animal. For example izuku is bunny, bakugo is Chihuahua, momo is horse ect ect. When he calls his friends by the animal it comes off as rude since he can be like ‘horse come here!” Referring to momo😭 but he’s told all his friends so they know. He doesn’t do it that often tho.

Acesexaul and aromantic, unsure if gay or not.

[wintfleur]

I always have felt like Sam is the type of boyfriend to post tons and tons of photos and videos of reader on his instagram and another social media apps. He’s constantly snapping pictures of reader. She could be using the restroom, tying her shoes, in the middle of a hike and there he is with his phone pulled out like a facebook mom taking a picture of reader. Since they’ve started dating his camera roll is flooded with pictures and videos of her. His lock screen and home screen is a picture of her. He keeps a picture of her in his wallet and in his car. And I also love to believe that he will look at his lock screen before a game because he tells you that your his “good luck charm.”

-🧸

Ps: I have tons and i mean tons of Sam thoughts but I will feel so so bad if I flood your inbox with them lol.

˖ ་ 💭 roro’s notes ( don’t feel bad nonnie !!! I would love to read/answer them !!! It just might take me a minute to answer them all, feel free to send them in, who are some other people you like besides Sam nonnie ? )

His instagram feed would be filleddd of pictures of you, but if you weren’t comfortable with having your face out for the public to see he would post pictures without your face in them, he would find a way to show off his girl as long as you were comfortable with it. But if you were okay with your face being seen . . . omg he would go crazy, your all he posts.

he loves taking pictures of you, no matter what you were doing. His camera roll would be filled of pictures of you, he would have albums designated for you. And whenever he missed you or when he was away from you because of football, he would scroll through his pictures of you because he misses you so much.

His Lock Screen is definitely a picture of his girlfriend and then his home screen is the picture of you and him. That’s such an adorable idea of him looking at your picture on his Lock Screen before his game as a good luck charm, I can totally see him doing that !!! And in his wallet is a polaroid picture of you that your friend took, you gave it to him after noticing his eyes drifting to the picture on your desk a few times when he was in your room. He has pictures of you and then pictures of the two of you together in his car, smiling whenever he sees them, his mood getting better whenever he sees you.

I can see his gf getting a personal photo shoot and framing all the pictures to give to him as a gift, he loves them so much !!! And I can totally see him having his own collection of private Polaroid pictures of you (sexy ones 🤭) that he brings with him when he’s on the road. He’s so obsessed with you <3333

[kittygamer2888]

Real talk: I genuinely believe that, no matter how low my reputation is on the internet, no matter how low the likes are on both sides, I believe that that's probably better than having Twitter or Instagram, maybe even Tik Tok, ruin your mental state.

I may be the odd one out just because I still love cartoons, but that has to be the most beneficial thing for me to even like since most of the time people just become pessimistic due to the countless times they've been watching the news, hearing terrible events, or how the world is becoming more sh***er than it already was, and that's actually something I've noticed a few times in my school. I may be negative sometimes, but you know things aren't right when you always feel this negativity or tension in the air when you're in high school filled with kids that are most likely tainted by Tik Tok and even recording themselves dancing in the bathroom, because while they spend the rest of their time looking at irl vids, it feels like I'm the only one who at least still has some of their childhood shows intact inside. Who knows if me having the curiosity to play toys at random or still enjoy kid's shows could be some sign of autism, but even then, I'm just glad I didn't end up like the people in my school always watching real people dancing to Tik Tok videos or hearing some type of reagetton music in it, cus in my whole life of being in school, I've been starting to assume that's what stereotypical people watch.

I never really liked the reality of, when you grow up, you start to dislike your childhood shows or start seeing anything that looks like it's for babies as cringe all because you feel that maturity in you like as if you're better than those kids you used to be yourself, and because while some of it is a bit cringe, I think it's just hard for adults to understand again what that felt like since their minds have developed more as they grew up, eventually forgetting the fact that adults used to be kids at some point and whatever happened in their childhood probably impacted them in some way or they just don't have the same interests as they used to have with things that they used to like as kids, that's just how I see it at least. Who knows if I'll even have the confidence to sell my own art in the future, but I know I won't be downloading apps like Twitter, Snapchat or any of those things all because I just know that those apps probably effected my mom in a negative way. The only reason why I still have TikTok is because I enjoy watching edits, and I joined Facebook because that's just my family members being there, so with that in mind, I wouldn't be surprised if I downloaded Instagram just to see art, but I know I'll never be downloading Twitter even if my life depended on it.

My dad keeps saying how one day I'll surely find someone and that I just still don't understand yet due to how young I still am. And I'll admit it, yea, maybe my dislike for romance is because I'm still young, but at the same time, it's mostly because I don't want to have to deal with that restriction when I'm older. I've always wanted to have a house where I can finally enjoy all of the things I like, but falling in love with someone while having that life?? I mean, if you want to do that, that's your choice, but me? Yea, no, I don't feel like getting together with someone anytime soon. Being alone in a house that's all your's to pay for has to be the most free a person could ever be, even if you have to work your butt off for it, it'll still be worth it if you somehow manage to have the time and money to have posters or figures in your room.

But besides that, in a nutshell: I feel like I'm the only one in my school that still has some humanity in me, but that could just be my biased hate towards schools in general and how I view people just by hearing them talk and what audios I could hear from their phones while I'm not looking. I never really liked looking into it that way too much, but with the way the teachers repeatedly mention that and the way they're somehow right a few times, it's just predictable at this point. Of course not all people are the same, but I know almost no one in this new school, so I don't even know what to expect. What I do expect to see are my old classmates, but besides that, my school is just filled with people who actually have Iphones, and have the Gen Z and Gen A humor written on the English teacher's whiteboard.

You get used to the brainrot after a while, and because gibberish is probably another form of comedy, I can't help but giggle at how stupid some Gen Z and Gen A jokes are.

Now you might be wondering, "Kit, why are are you saying this all of a sudden?" Because I was watching Jacksepticeye's recent video called "Help".

So uh.

Yah

I'm just here hopping I'll still love cartoons and anime when I grow up and not become boring and soulless ;v;

And that, people, is how i overthink🫠👍

[cryptidsurveys]

Sunday, December 1st, 2024.

Do you have any plans for tomorrow? Animal shelter. Possibly from 8:00am-5:00pm, but it depends on who's there. I'm supposed to be covering for River, but if both Kristen and Liv are there, then there's not really any need for me to stay past 12:00pm.

What's the longest movie you've ever seen? The Return of the King.

What movies did you watch a lot as a kid? Watership Down (my strange obsession), The Land Before Time films, Antz, A Bug's Life, Disney films…

How many rooms are in your home? Living room, dining room, family room, kitchen, three bedrooms, master bathroom, two regular bathrooms, and a basement.

Do you ever experience imposter syndrome? At the animal shelter. I can't seem to fully convince myself that I can handle the job even though I'm basically already handling the job. :')

What was the last place you rode to in a car? I drove to / from the shelter earlier, but the last time I was a passenger was last Wednesday when my mom and I went to see Wicked.

Do you have a PayPal account? If so, how often do you use it? I don't.

Are you cold right now? My hands are cold, but the rest of me is fine.

How old will you be at your next birthday? Thirty-six. Can't wrap my brain around the fact that I'm approaching 40. I don't feel that old at all.

Before this one, when was the last time you took a survey? Not that long ago, while eating lunch. Put together a red velvet cake after that, popped it in the oven, and now I'm taking this while I wait for it to finish baking. Just a few minutes left…

Can you skip rope? Yeah.

Have you ever participated in a charity fundraising event? Yeah.

What is your hair like at the moment? It's very short. Just buzzed it recently, but I'm thinking of letting it grow out next time and going to an actual salon to get it styled. Might even decide to dye it but haven't quite settled on a color.

Do you like cucumber? Yeah.

What do you like and dislike about your job? (or your last job) Like - Spending all day with kitties. Feeling like I'm part of something bigger than myself / doing some good in the world. The job itself is pretty repetitive; not a whole lot of surprises or changes in routine. Keeps me in shape and gives me an opportunity to socialize. Snacks and coffee in the break room. Dislike - There really isn't a whole lot that I dislike about it. Sometimes cleaning can be a little gross, but you get used to it. Biggest struggles for me are navigating social situations or feeling like I don't really fit in.

Have you ever had a dream job? If so, did you give up on it, and why? Or do you happen to have that dream job? I haven't given up on it.

What's the last sitcom you watched? No idea.

What car did your parents or guardian drive when you were growing up? White Volvo, blue Celica, and a red Toyota pick-up truck.

Do you have milk in your fridge right now? What kind? There's heavy whipping cream and almond milk.

Are you left or right handed? Right-handed.

If you have your ears pierced, how old were you when you got them done? I had my ears pierced twice when I was younger, but the holes have long since closed. They just kept getting infected.

Do you have any other piercings? Snakebites. The only piercings with which I've had any luck.

What was the last thing you wrote down in the notes app on your phone? I've never used the Notes app.

Have you ever been on a winery tour? No.

When was the last time you were hungover? Idk.

Do you still have Facebook? If so, how often do you check it? No.

Are you wearing your favourite colour today? Yeah.

Would you ever want to visit South Korea? Eh. I'm not super interested in visiting. It's not a hard no, but there are places I would much rather visit instead.

How many times in your life have you been in love? Idk.

Do you like your name? Yeah.

[saleintothe90s]

489. General Foods International Coffee

(eBay seller dreamofthepast)

We all know thee lil cans. Some of them were probably out first forays into coffee, maybe our mom let us have some instead of hot cocoa on a cold day. No wait, this seems more like a drink your Aunt Patty n Selma would have at their house and drink every day. She let you have some to feel grown up.

Or maybe you shared a cup with your new Gothy roommate in the 80s?

Even the boys who played football enjoyed it!

and just maybe you sipped French Vanilla Cafe with your friends and joked "who was that waiter's name in Paris?" "JEAN-LUC!" like in the commercial. (yes I'm aware of the Mad TV bit)

Although in an article about annoying commercials that ran in the Rocky Mountain News in 1992, reader Dennis Lancaster said of the ad: "The ad that really bugs the heck out of me is that General Foods International Coffee ads with the two ladies there and the French cafe coffee or whatever it is. I wish they'd have stayed in France." 1

lil samples of Irish Cream Cafe was given out at Black Friday one year at Target!

I noticed that General Foods would advertise their instant coffee a lot in college newspapers in the 1980s.

See, even Corky on Murphy Brown dank it.

Before we had frappuchinos, there would always be the same recipe every year for a frozen or a cold coffee drink, just with a different flavor each year, it seemed.

(eBay seller dreamofthepast)

See what I mean?

(commercial)

In the late 90s, they came out with the Cappuccino Coolers drinks, which I adored back then. It was powder that you mixed with milk -- so yeah, gotta be near the bathroom when drinking those. Maxwell House just discontinued these this year. By then they were called iced lattes.

(commercial)

My all time GOAT when I was a teenager however was the Kahula flavor. I miss it every day.

(commercial)

Anybody remember the variety packs? They were like, half a serving! Enough for a mouse! The Suisse Mocha design always reminds me of the Murder She Wrote logo.

(commercial)

(commercial)

General Foods International Coffee debuted in 1973 with these three flavors. Looks like Cafe Au Lait became Cafe Francais shortly after. You walk into the store today, and guess who is still there almost every time:

(Maxwell House took over around 2011)

I bought all three flavors in the last month and yup they all taste a lil watery. Maybe 'cuz we're just used to stronger coffee in 2023.

Related:

Maxwell House International Coffee Still Missing General Foods, Jean Luc

Facebook | Etsy | Retail History Blog | Twitter | YouTube Playlist | Random Post | Ko-fi donation | instagram / threads @thelastvcr​ | tik tok @ saleintothe90s | eBay shop: deadmalls |

ABBOTT, KAREN. "'FEMININE' PRODUCTS SPARK MAJORIOTY OF READER CALLS." Rocky Mountain News (CO), March 12, 1992: NewsBank: Access World News. https://infoweb.newsbank.com/apps/news/document-view? p=AWNB&docref=news/0EB4D9FC6ACBBE66.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you own anything from Victoria's Secret "Pink" line? Do you really think the clothes are worth the price? Nope and no.

What does your last incoming text say, who was it from, and how do you feel about that person? It was my from my brother earlier letting me know he was going to pick up our lunch. He’s my lil bro, I love him. We’re super close. 

Did you have a New Year's kiss? Nope. I’ve never had one. 

Are there any words that you cannot pronounce or that you pronounce incorrectly? Probably, but I can’t think of one at the moment.

After a long day at work or of doing something physical what tends to hurt more? Your back or your feet? For me it’s my back because I don’t have feeling in my feet but also I have a fucked up back that causes chronic pain.

Do you have a smart phone? If so, what's your favorite app? Yes. I think all phones now are unless you get like one of those Cricket phones. Anyway, I use Kindle, TikTok, Facebook, and Spotify the most.

Who would you say is the overall best person you know, and why? Both my mom and my brother. I couldn’t do this thing called life without them, they are what keep me going. 

If you had to choose between being a Nurse or an English teacher which would you choose and why? I used to want to be a teacher when I was a kid and English was always my favorite subject, so out of the two I’d say an English teacher. I definitely could not be a nurse, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Do you have a specific gas station you usually go to? Or do you stop wherever? I don't drive.

How much older than you was the oldest person you have dated/had a relationship with? The guys I had a thing with were each a year younger than me.

Is anything stressing you out at the moment? Of course. 

What is your opinion on dating someone who already had a child/children from a previous relationship? I honestly don’t want that, but at almost 34 years old I feel like if I went into the dating world it’d be hard to find a guy who doesn’t have children. 

Have you ever actually found a mascara that makes a huge difference for your lashes? Yes.

Would you rather have one or two great facial features that stand out, or have just an overall pretty face but have no special features? I’d love to have nice eyes and a beautiful, pearly white smile. 

Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day? Did you do anything last Valentine's Day? No, I didn’t do anything. I never do. I’ve never even had a Valentine, soo. 

Do you check your horoscope daily? If so, did you relate to your horoscope at all today? I don’t check my horoscope or believe in that. 

When you need to remember something, how do you usually go about doing so? I use the calendar, reminder, and notes apps a lot.

Do you think you're a confident person? In your opinion what makes someone "confident" anyways? No, definitely not. I have no confidence in myself. 

How would you describe someone that is your type of guy/girl? It’s wild like I haven’t liked/had feelings for someone in like 7 years. :O I don’t remember what that feels like anymore or what I like anymore. I’m in a very different place than I was 7 years ago. A lot has changed about me.

Do you read books often? What is your all time favorite book and author? I used to, but I haven’t been reading very much these past few months and I don’t like it I need to change that. I really do love to read. I couldn’t possibly choose a favorite book or author, but I can tell you the few authors I’ve been obsessed with the past several years and have read several of their books and counting: AJ Rivers, Willow Rose, Mary Stone, and Elle Grey. 

Have you recently accomplished anything that you are proud of yourself for? No. :/ I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything in a very long time. If ever? I suppose getting my BA in psych was an accomplishment, but that degree has sat collecting dust since 2015 and I still have no idea what I want to to do in life. I don’t want to pursue psychology anymore, so that’s great. I don’t feel like I’m cut out for anything. I don’t have anything I’m passionate about either. So yeah, even that I feel like is ultimately a failure. 

Are you still friends with any of your exes? Do you still communicate with any of them at all? No.

What is your opinion on people that shop at Sephora for makeup as opposed to buying makeup from the drugstore? I really don’t care. 

When you enter a store like Target or Walmart where is the first section you go? Usually at Target I just love strolling around the whole store and usually start In the clothes section. As for Walmart, I tend to head for the side with the soaps, shampoos, hair stuff, makeup, etc and then work my way to the grocery section.

Are you the type of person to fight for someone or walk away? I’ve ended up ruining a lot of good things cause I fucked up and didn’t try hard enough.

Is marijuana legal for "recreational use" where you live? Also what is your opinion on the recent legalization of marijuana in certain states? Yes it is and I’m in full support of it. 

Do you live on your own or with your parents/a roommate? Do you think you'd like to live alone? I live with my parents and brother. I do not want to ever live alone.

How often would you say you use Microsoft Word? I couldn’t even tell you the last time I used that because when I was in college I was using Google Docs. 

What is the last online purchase you made? I’m blanking, but I have a few things in various carts right now I want to get.

Do you usually have bad symptoms around "that time of the month"? I don’t have a “time of the month” anymore, but yeah I had the worst pms/pmdd. It was awful.

Is there anyone you have to see on a daily/weekly basis that you really dislike? No, thankfully.

Is your hair thick or thin? Would you say it's easy to manage? It’s really thin.

Have you ever had to deal with any type of long distance relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship? I’ve had online friendships with people from other states and countries.

Are you procrastinating doing anything right now? No.

How do you feel about being called sweetie/dear/honey/etc.? I don’t mind. I don’t like babe or baby, though. I think having unique little nicknames for each other is cuter. 

Have you ever had a thing for/relationship with a coworker? How did it end? No, I’ve never had a job, so therefore I never had coworkers. 

What type of deodorant do you use? Do you notice any difference between powders and gels? I use Secret in the powder fresh scent. I’ve never used gels, so I don’t know.

What would you say is your worst habit? Picking: nails, lips, scabs, pimple, just anything. 

Do you have a place you go to a lot that you may be considered "a regular" at? Yeah, but I’m not the one who’s actually going to get it. Like, I would be a regular at Taco Bell if I was the one went and got it cause I have it like 5 times a week. I guess I’m still a regular though since I get it... regularly? I’m a regular, they just don’t know it’s me lol.

Do you ever read the articles posted on the home page of Xanga? Has there ever been one that has really stood out to you? I don’t think I read those, but who knows the days of Xanga are a lifetime ago. 

What is the weather currently like where you live? Um, hot as hell. Literally.

Is there anyone that you text on a regular basis that you do not have saved in your phone? If so, why don't you have their number saved? No.

Do you have any plans for Mardi Gras? I don’t celebrate it.

[vierandancer]

Get to know the Mun

1. Are you named after anyone? Yes, actually! Alana, one of Ariel's sisters in the Little Mermaid. :) Obviously my parents added in an extra N. This extra N has led to so much confusion; at this point if you have roughly the right syllables, I'll answer to it.

2. When was the last time you cried? Literally yesterday. It wasn't FFXIV music for once but it was definitely a song and my brain imagined a story/music video style thing for it and I cried bc I am as sensitive as Meiko. I remember sitting there afterward like why the fuck am I doing this lmao

3. Do you have kids? Only Butternut at the moment, but I have always wanted to be a Mom. Sadly, I'm demisexual, and a lot of people in general don't really...like, get that or what it means. I do plan to hop back into the hell that is dating apps after the Vegas FFXIV Fanfest, though.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I am definitely hella cynical, but I don't know if I use sarcasm excessively. I feel like a little too much sarcasm is a wee bit cringe.

5. What sports do you play/have you played? Literally zero outside of what gym required of us in school. I do enjoy swimming, though -- not that I've had much of a chance since moving away from Florida!

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people? Lately I've been making extra observations around whether or not people take an interest in me. Do they keep the conversation all about them? Do they remember facts about me? It's a little disheartening when you realize how rare it is.

7. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings, scary movies give me so much anxiety; that being said, I do love a good true crime story because I am basic.

8. Any special talents? I don't know about special but I will state that I am highly competent in every job I've ever taken in my career; although this has led to burnout in past roles, I've learned to balance it and can recognize that my work ethic is pretty rare!

9. Where were you born? I was born in NYC, raised in Florida, where I lived until I was 24. Moved to Washington state and have been here ever since!

10. What are your hobbies? Writing, Gaming, Various Creative Projects with @aethericsea, and being a full-time BTS Army fan

11. Do you have any pets? Her name is Nikita Katrice Seraphina Butternut. She has a facebook.

12. How tall are you? 5'3", 5'4" if you measure me in the morning before my spine has compressed

13. Fave subject in school? English/Language Arts, mainly becaust it was easy

14. Dream job? I am very happy in my current job; I would have liked to been involved in the gaming industry more directly, but as an analyst for the industry I'm kind of 'yikes' about it now. So I can accept that that ship has sailed and I am content where I am.

15. Eye color? Dark Brown

Tagged by: @oathofpromises Tagging: @crystalmarred @ichoric @symphcnii & anyone else who'd like to <3

[intentionallyjoyful]

February 23, 2023

Hi. I haven't "blogged" in years, not quite sure what's compelling me to now. I don't know who will even read this anyways. I've got a lot of my mind, as I've spent the last 2 days in thought whilst puking my brains out with a stomach virus and laying down in a fetal position. Yay for stomach viruses.

Little background on me: Almost 29 year old mom of 3 boys (5 and under), married for 10 years now, Christian, politically incorrect, Texas, SAHM, and homeschooling. I feel like that info alone will deter most people who find this blog.

So what's on my brain? Well, about 2 weeks ago I took Instagram & Facebook off my phone. I've checked it a couple times because groups/businesses, but not scrolling or going through stories. I initially removed the apps to focus more on prayer, particular when it comes to us finding a house. The house we finally committed an offer on recently did not work out mind you...which disappointed, God, but I'll trust something better is coming up. Regardless, it was good for other reasons too because social media definitely has a negative effect on me. I should probably remove TikTok too, tbh. Anyways, the biggest lesson I've learned thus far is that Not that many people give a fuck about you, and you also don't give a fuck about them. Yet social media gives this illusion that you all do. I also take less pictures/videos because even though I mostly did it for myself, I evidently was also doing it for others and because why? I don't know, like I need to prove I have a nice life or something, boredom, hoping someone will start a convo so not so isolated, Idk. I have a list I'm forming of people who actually reach out to me and who I think to reach out to and after a full month, these will be the only people I will actively dump my energy into, because obviously that's where it naturally fell. I keep finding myself being way too good of a friend to people who really don't care that deeply for me. It's really a shitty realization. On the flip side, I've noticed people who I hardly paid any mind to or would even call a friend insist that we're good friends, lol. Weird.

Speaking of energy, being part of a homeschooling co-op has been a total energy sucker. I'm not a group person, I knew this going into it, and yet I tried to go out of my comfort zone and continue to try to stick it out when I'm truly not enjoying it whatsoever. The kids love it though, we all get along great with similar values, it's just..... people are inconsistent and not as committed to the group. With me being the organizer, this leads to me constantly feeling frustrated by turnouts or lack of input/response, etc. I can't even fully explain it. I just keep praying for guidance on this and I know that if I was to just end things that it would end potential great long-term friendships for not only the kids, but for me. At the same time, I'm like if this isn't working out seamlessly already, why keep trying so much, especially when the effort is almost entirely on my part or people working through me, which I also dislike. Especially if I end up relocating further away from everyone since that's where our housing price-point keeps leading us.... shouldn't I be more involved in a community there?

Lastly, I wish my parents would move closer already. My grandma needs to pass, this poor old woman is miserable at 97 and barely hanging out. It's been thing after thing after thing. I hope and pray she passes soon and that my parents feel peace over it all. They are in desperate need of a break. Back when we lived closer to my parents, there were far too many issues. My brother was mentally unstable, my mother was in a terrible place physically and mentally as well, but fast-forward 5 years and things are so much better and now I just wish we could have simple family dinners or attend church together, get the cousins together for a playdate, or go on a nature walk with my mom. I always feel unsettled. Forever feeling like I don't belong where I'm at and that I'm missing something or supposed to be somewhere else. I don't know how to reconcile that.

And there's my first blog post. /end

[imembroiderline]

For an Extraordinary one

Rasha Awale

the signs say this year is your year

So I decided to wish you a bad year

Good is ordinary at best

and ordinary doesn't suit you

that is why I wish you a very bad year

a year where you loose your keys, your wallet, your socks and your mind.

Your phone screen smashes so you will not be able to take a selfie

You will be late for work, on a daily basis and no one will even notice

a year in which you get chickenpox

your boss refuses to give you a sick leave

so you go to the work covered with rashes

The girl you love tells you she wants some space

The "some space" ends by her engagement announcement on a friend’s Facebook page you invest all your savings in a failed phone app

you get lost in the city but you don’t find a cab

In your bad year

the promotion you wanted so long, is given to another colleague

A colleague who has neither the experience nor the qualifications

But has a family name that can push his career

Your bad year

Will give a reason for your morning resentment

And your sleepless nights

It will be an excuse for your bad mood

And a justification for your absence

I have no hard feelings

it's just

"Good" is ordinary at best

And ordinary doesn’t suit you

I promise to keep all your secrets

I will not tell anyone that chickens make you scared

And that you snitched on your childhood friend for an extra grade

That you cry every time you don't get As

And that you cried when you watched fifty shades of gray

I will not tell your little brother that you wet his bed

I will not tell your mom that you were the one who broke her favorite porcelain set

I will not mention the girl you love or the girl that loves you

I will not tell your friends that you didn’t have a cold when you didn't join the soccer match

or a family commitment when you missed, watching the Spanish league

I will not even tell them that you’re not a soccer fan

And that you can’t really tell Barcelona from Royal Madrid

as I said

I have no hard feelings

And your year is already bad

Some time you may have doubts

You may think I was the one who put your car for sale

Or that I created an account for you in a gay dating site

with the name “FistMeDaddy69”

You might think I photoshopped your photo in a pro-ISIS march

Or that I shared 36 Al-Qaida videos on your facebook page

that I sent your email to the African banks

or added you to moms and housewives groups

that I wrote your phone number in a the wall of a public bathroom

Followed by some slutty offers

And the address of your work and your home

Don’t listen to those trying to come between us

you know I have no hard feelings

It’s just ordinary does not suit you

so here I am trying to give you an extraordinary life

Extraordinary

like you.

[vanesaaaaasblog]

I’ve been using social media for a long time ✨🪩

I’ve been using social media since I was 13 or 14 years old, I’ve been using apps like tiktok, twitter, Instagram and I’ve tried Facebook but it wasn’t for me. At first I’ve used Facebook and messenger to stay in touch with my school friends during vacations and also I’ve shared some memes and photos in Facebook

In my social media I’ve never accepted any strange friend request because my mom just allow me to have social media accounts if I use them correctly 🤓

Nowadays I’ve been using social media to share my personal opinion or read news about some topics that are interesting for me like movies or music, I’ve been trying use twitter. 🧐

Have you ever used twitter?

Or it’s too toxic for you 🧐 hahaha just kidding.

Well, but not everything is nice on social media, I’ve learned that social media can be a little bit toxic and can make you feel bad or insecure:(

I’ve been learning how to use it in a healthy and responsible way, because I remembered when a few months ago I’ve had a terrible experience with TikTok and Instagram because I started to compare my life with others.

Do I recommend you to use it? 🤔

Yes, you could try use social media in your life to share anecdotes about your life, share photos with your closest friends and why not talk with other people on internet and share some opinions.

I recommend being careful with the information that you share on internet and if I were you, I would stay away from toxic things on social media 🙂

[she-said-he-said]

I Wonder If….We Can Get TOO Comfortable With Single-hood?

It’s a common theme…..we get divorced, we date and date and date. We have a few failed relationships back to back. After maybe the 3rd or the 4th that leave us unhappy and confused, we may realize it’s time to see a therapist to see what might be going on here. We were probably told to we needed to stop dating for a while, possibly a year. To take time to really get to know ourselves, to learn to be happy on our own. Without a need for another person to feel fulfilled.

We find new activities we love to fill our time to keep the opposite sex off our mind. We get active. We make new friends. We take up new hobbies. We learn to embrace being alone. Sleeping alone. Watching Netflix alone. Cooking alone. For one.

After a while, we start to get very comfortable in our independence. We don’t need someone around to feel whole.

We’ve learned to fill our time. We’ve learn to get everything we thought we needed from a person in a relationship from other avenues.

Of course, there’s one need humans have that can’t be met from others: Sex. Is it healthy to get to a place where the only thing we need from a love type relationship is sex? Is this why everyone seems to be only using each other for sex these days?

It goes both ways. I know many females who say that’s all they want from a guy right now in their life. I know many males who say the same thing. If everyone’s open about it and on the same page…is there really any harm?

I’m on a facebook group where women warn other women of experiences they’ve had with other guys on online dating sites. Most complaints are, of course, that a guy gives all indications that he’s interested in a relationship until after the deal is sealed with sex. Then, they disappear and move onto the next. Leaving women feeling confused and hurt. Was the sex bad? Or is it just that this guy has filled his life with his friends and playing in hockey league, taking ski trips with his buddies and gets all of his emotional needs met by these friends and the only thing he needs from a woman is sex? Why stop with one woman for just sex? If you don’t need a deeper connection? A partner in life? Why not keep trying to experience the hundreds that are on these dating apps? Plus, many guys think they can collect these women in their back pocket and come back around for more sex with them later.

I know, that for myself, I’ve gotten so comfortable living alone that it scares me to share my space with another person. I want to sleep when I want to sleep, to watch what I want to watch, eat what I want when I want, sit around and do nothing when I want without anyone judging. The thought of moving in with a guy and having to deal with his tacky decor and dated furniture gives me hives. When I go on a date with a man and it ends up at his place, I just want to go home and sleep in my own bed where I can wake up at 3am and look at my phone for an hour in bed without disturbing someone. Have I gotten too comfortable being single?

All that said, I miss being a team with someone. Someone to talk with about the hard and good things happening in life. Someone who gives a shit. Someone who’s there when I’m sad. I want to do the same for someone. I miss having a regular sex partner. I want to have someone to rub my back and eat dinner with me and touch me and watch a TV show with me. How will I get to that if I like being alone so much now?

While cuddling with a man after sex recently, he contentedly said “Wow, THIS is what it should be like”. Somehow our discussion from how great it was for him to have a woman in his arms led to his mom and the major heart surgery she’d just had. She was currently in the hospital down the street in Boston on a ventilator. I acknowledged how hard it had to be to be dealing with that all on his own. No siblings, no father, no woman. He said “that’s what a man does, I don’t mind taking care of stuff, I’m a man. Plus, I’ve got my buddies to talk to for support.” Well, Ok then. Hope your buddies give a mean blow job, too, buddy.

[spacexfucker]

I became a step mom and had a baby around basically the same time. I had a step mom and did not want to be like her and was trying to find ways to do my best to be dependable and someone my kids actually wanted to tell about their problems to.

Growing up my parents simultaneously did not care about me and sometimes violently over controlled what I could do, say, watch, read, listen to, etc. I did not want to do that to my kids.

So I joined a Facebook group that positioned itself as a safety guide for parents to use for their kids. But upon being let into the group I realized we were not together to share tips for conversations about safety and fostering trust and commiserating about having kids in the current tech age, but instead was a group of parents sharing various ways to spy on their children with cloning apps and password breakers and spotting dummy apps etc.

The whole group was just post after post of parents talking about punishments to hand out if their kid was found to have circumvented a control or how to fix the solve to the app control or about what apps are hardest to get around.

Kids will make mistakes. Kids will talk to bad people online. Kids will see/read/hear bad stuff online. Regardless of how well you think you're keeping them from doing so. Putting insane restraints on anything just makes it more dangerous. If your kid knows that they'll recieve punishment for doing something dangerous then they won't tell you when they're in danger.

I left that group.

You have to have honest conversations with your kids about danger. You have to take your time to explain the kind of things and people they could run into online. You have to explain to them how grooming works and what they should look out for. You should be telling them that anything that scares them/worries them/makes them uncomfortable is something they can talk to you about without being punished.

You cannot keep a kid from getting an old used phone from a friend. You cannot keep a kid from using another kids phone. They can go to libraries, places with wifi like fast food, etc.

People that want to do harm to kids know exactly the type of kid to go after. And it's kids that feel unheard, feel dismissed or talked down to, kids that are controlled will want a sympathetic ear. And another adult will use that as an in with them. Positioning themselves as someone to trust with gifts and assurances that your kid is smart and capable.

Our desire for validation and to be heard is what makes us vulnerable. And groomers know how to exploit that.

You can't take the easy way out when you raise your kids. Slapping Spyware on their devices and putting up cameras in your house and tracking their locations to "catch" them is lazy parenting. You're teaching them that love looks like control. And that someone else having control over you is fine if it's because it's "in their best interest".

My oldest wanted life 360 to connect us because it makes them feel safe to know where me and their dad are. Especially when they're out at school or clubs or friends' houses. But they know that I'm not using it to keep tabs on them to tell them where they can't be. And that if they want, we can turn it off whenever.

Our approach with our kids has made them more likely to come to us with problems and concerns. They want us to know where they are so that if something does go wrong, we know exactly where to get them.

something i don't see talked about enough is the fact that parents having constant surveillance over "their" children is normalized by our society

like seriously, parents will go install the Super Panopticon Kid Safe Parental Controls 2000 that sends their kid's internet history, recordings of their calls and texts, every file on their phone, and exact geolocation to the parents.

and if you ever point out that this is more likely to endanger kids than protect them, people suddenly bombard you with a thousand comments about how children are too stupid or immature to have the most basic privacy in their life.

[screechingpapercat]

Do I miss them? Fucking of course I do.

It hurts a little everytime I see a Facebook post of them all together after all these years.

They were my family for 10 years. Literally half of my life. I saw them more than biological family sometimes.

Do I want it back? Sometimes. I think about what would have happened if I didn't leave. I would have black gi pants by now. I'd be at the 13-14 year mark by now.

But would I be the me that I am now? I'm not sure. Probably not.

Leaving gave me the chance to fully be Flynn. To fully be autistic and queer and all the little things. It gave me more time and less anxiety.

Had I not left in senior year I think I would have left eventually. It was also because of college but dammit I'm not going to use that as an excuse like everyone else. It wasn't because I didn't have time it was because some of you were shitty people that made me feel bad about myself. You made me feel Unsafe and that's the truth.

Leaving gave me saber guild though. And it's not the same, I don't think anything can but it fills the hole. Something I love with people who love me. People who respect me and my identities. I don't worry about being dead named or misgendered or having to explain myself too hard if I get overstimulated. I dont have to flinch to myself and one other person when i hear a slur or some racist/homiphobic/transphobic shit because no one says them.I don't feel scared that I'll do something wrong and get called out for it. I don't worry about bruises or getting my ass kicked even though I could hold my own. I don't worry about unwanted touch or conversations.

I can stim when I'm happy, I can leave early if I need to without feeling like shit

I can talk about my lovely nonbinary partner without people making comments about how they "don't understand" they like my partner at saber guild. We want them to join with a costume of their own.

But fuck man I miss them, some of them at least and that's okay because I don't think I ever gave myself time to mourn an entire decade of my life. I had college apps to deal with and essays to write and work to do. I shoved my obis into my closet and left them there because I didn't want to look at them. I want to show them off. I fucking earned them. I struggled and fought through 10 goddamn years to get my black belt. I didn't even think I would get there. I did it during a fucking pandemic too. We had Karate on zoom and in masks and social distanced outside. I stayed for a year after that and took part in hazing kids younger than I was, I watched them cry from pain and stress and everything and all I did was keep yelling. I hate that I did that. Some kid bled on me because they wouldn't let him get a paper towel which was gross as hell and unsafe!!!!

I only really miss a handful of people. I only got close to a few people. It was kinda like having a huge extended family.

My media studies teacher in senior year helped me navigate some of this when I decided to leave. She read over emails with me and my mom fully went to bat once I decided I needed her to intervene.

And then you didn't believe me when I explained why I wanted to leave. So fuck you for that. I'm happy where I am now. I am doing so much better. I lost a community but gained two more in saber guild and other costuming clubs and in college. I can enjoy my summers without worrying about Karate camp. I don't come home exhausted from practice, I come home happy and ready to go back.

So yeah sometimes I miss it, not all but some. And I'm allowed to because it's only been a few years and I went through hell with some of those people. But those that really matter to me understood. They weren't mad at me. They see me living my life and tell me that I've found my people. To hear that from someone I haven't spoken to since senior year and can only go off my Facebook and Instagram posts is truly something amazing.

Maybe I'll get to a point where I no longer have stress dreams or worry about running into you in public. Maybe ill remember the good over the bad instead of immediately remebering how scared i always was. I hope I do because you shouldn't get to make me feel like that anymore. I'm happy where I am, with who I have and that's it.