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feastingonfanfiction · 3 months ago

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Waiting on the red string of fate

Alt Route Ending 1 [Ending 3b]

Tanya Denali x fem!reader

Chapter 3b: found you, fights, and figuring this out

Summary: She's found you. Important talks are needed, but the hanahaki hits. What will she do about it when she's just found you?

A/N: Back again for another serving of fanfiction? Welcome to the first alt ending, Ending 3b, This ending is not so bad, I think, I did write some of it at 3am, though, so if quality ain't so great, then....idk

not confident in writing dialogue, but I tried :P

It won't hurt as much as ending 3a though!

So uh....Bon Appétit!

Happy readings!

Consider reading the other parts if you haven't

Part 1

Part 2a

First ending: Part 3a (very sad)

Other alt endings can be found on the:

Masterlist menu

Warnings:hanahaki as its own has its own set of warnings( choking on flowers, blood, vomiting) angst? I guess ish idk never sure what's angsty enough anymore. There is character death, not gonna be specific or go into detail bout it, read to find out

You had just returned home from your latest travels due to the hanahaki getting really bad in your eyes, stopping your grand travel, you had already gone to see some major landmarks and places you were curious about. From going to the uk to see Big Ben and the London eye. To Japan to see the streets of Harajuku fashions and the view of Mt Fuji. To many landmarks and touristy spots in America and many more that you could list off.

When the flowers started coming up in bulbs, you thought it wise to take a break and go home, and you'd rather not pass on somewhere far from home.

So off on the first flight back and now in the comfort of your own home you lay.

Your body was growing weaker as you had a trash bin next to you in case the flowers came up again.

You could feel how slowly the hanahaki was taking everything from you. You were so tired. It was like you were constantly drained since your arrival home. Sometimes, you were able to eat something light, but other times, the flowers would come up alongside bits of food from your last meal. It was definitely getting worse.

Looking over to the letters you had written to her, you had recently wrote a final goodbye to her, unsure now what to do with the relatively large amount of envelopes you had written over the years to the person who didn't return your feelings. You were half tempted to send it to the nightclub you first saw her at. Maybe she went there a lot? If she did, the manager of the place would probably know her and give them to her for you.

No way did you have what it took to go find her and potentially break up a relationship or homewreck a situation. She deserved her joy.

The coughing had disrupted your sleep, and the occasional throwing up of food with your flowers had left you in a much weakened state. You just wanted to sleep right now.

Closing your eyes for a bit, hoping to grab some amount of rest, almost lulled into a sense of peace, you hear a knock at the door. Peaking an eye open, you contemplate if you should get up and see who it is, probably no one as you shut your eyes again,

But then the knocking came again, and you knew you could just ignore it, but something in you told you not to. You should answer it, you thought, so slowly you shuffle to the doorway, leaning against the wall for support. Finally, the trek from the couch to the door is made,

Choosing not to look through the peephole, you open the door, wanting to point the wandering lost traveler on their way, and then you regret doing so cause there stood her...

The cause of your pain.

She looks into your eyes with a surprised expression at the suddenness of the door opening, and then as if realizing here you were! her eyes widen a bit. Tanya couldn't help but feel something in her pull her towards the person in front of her. She just felt.....right, and this sensation surprised her that she was momentarily shocked and couldn't stop staring.

You stare into amber eyes that feel warm and right but are brought back to reality to remember she doesn't want you. The universe was cruel like that.

She keeps looking at you, unblinking as if frozen in time, all you could feel was discomfort in your throat as your eyes break contact and you cough into your elbow a wet congested sound. As if to break out of whatever trance she's in, she makes a move to look at her hand and peers her head to see how your strings attached, she takes a moment, unknown to you to school her features, then as if winning a prize she sends a dazzling smile your way.

All you can feel is discomfort, it clearly showing on your face before you swallow what little saliva in your mouth you had. "What do you want?" Your tone sounded flat, uncaring. You remind yourself you can't fall for her. Her smiles falters at your tone, "Hello, I'm Tanya, and I believe we're soulmates," she says in a more chipper tone. You look down and away from the eyes you wish you could spend an eternity with, "we are....." Perhaps that sounded a tad too defeated, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care as much to hide the discomfort and pain of the situation. Why was she here?

You don't notice due to looking away, but Tanya is even more confused at this development, 'why are you not over the moon to finally meet?' she can't help but think.

The silence that hangs between you slowly grows awkward. All you want to do is rest, but all Tanya wants to do is really meet you. You're not sure what to do as suddenly Tanya asks if she can come in. You open the door wider and try to get back to the couch. The fact that you lean against the wall for support does not go unnoticed by her. "Are you alright?" She asks concern evident. You can only mumble back a weak, "I'm fine," before getting back to the couch. You can't help but think that you feel the flowers are growing upwards and another fit will happen soon.

Tanya can't help but look around your place as she enters, a little dusty from the looks of it but the place also has little touches of personality she can't help but wonder more of who you are.

Tanya smells the floral scent first before realizing and then picks up on the notes of blood. Her mind racks for an explanation. There were no flowers around your place. She knows this scent, she's encountered it before. She can't help but look around hoping it isn't so, but as she approaches where you sit in exhaustion on the sofa, she sees the dark circles in you eyes, the slightly gaunt face from the inability to eat, the floral scent that slowly wafts from your mouth followed by a tinge of copper.

Seeing the garbage can by your feet, she peers into it, having her worst fears come true, you have hanahaki.

With eyes full of concern, she turns to you,

"You have hanahaki," the question tumbles from her mouth

Your head is resting on the back of the couch as you open one eye with a grimace.

"Yeah? What about it"

"Who caused this?" Is all she can ask,

Who did you fall for? who denied your affections and caused this cursed disease onto you is all she can wonder.

"Who?" You laugh a bitter laugh,

"Who do you think?"

She doesn't understand as confusion takes her face, trying to solve this puzzle. There were no images of anyone else in your life, and she had only just met you now.

"I saw you before, you know, almost a year ago"

You say, breaking the silence that she brought in the state of confusion

"I had decided to take a gap year to come look for you, and I did. I was so....naieve and hopeful then, and then I found you in a nightclub kissing some guy." You say the end part bitterly reminiscing the memories of that night

Realization dawns on her face

You look up at her, the brokenness in your eyes displayed all too clearly.

"I hope you're happy with him," you say through a smile, though the smile is clearly pained.

She? Was the cause of your hanahaki? Tanya didn't want to believe it. She was the cause of your pain...

You have to understand she loves you

And she's not saying that just because she knows hanahaki goes away with reciprocated love.

Her face shows hurt to think you could think that. She moves to declare that she does, in fact, love you

But all you can do is laugh at that, "You love me? You love me?" A chuckle escapes

"So what about the guy you were with? What about him?"

"He meant nothing to me. He means nothing to me even now," she tries to say

"I SAW YOU, I WAS THERE!"

you try to scream, it came out more hoarse than you intended. Part of you just wanted all of this to go away, the other part could feel the waves of sorrow and sensations of betrayal flaring up from the memory of the first time you saw her, your head was spinning as your emotions took over, some parts irrational jealousy some parts despair.

"So what was he? If he meant nothing, does that mean I'll mean nothing to you, too? Am I just a rebound to you? Are you just getting to know me and then trying to break me even more?

The pain in your voice is evident as your voice starts to get worse, your breathing starts to get labored, strained you start to cough,

And cough

And cough...

The stress of having to have this conversation to the pain of the feelings resurfacing from seeing her in person to actually meeting her made your connection grow, but this one moment started to make your hanahaki worse.

All the variables of the situation caused a reaction and spike in stress and emotions, you know a little more about your soulmate but that makes it worse as the agigtation of the events caused the hanahaki to grow exponentially, the flowers are in bloom and there's nothing you can do.

Tanya sees this and starts to panic

"No no no, you have to believe me, I love you! Please no," as she rushes forward to your side.

Those words fall on deaf ears as you begin to cough

You don't hear a word past no as you're focused more on trying to breathe.

As the coughing fit grew 10 fold you felt this was the worst it's been as the flowers you tried to grasp, wet bloody flowers that came from your mouth and slipped from your grip came unending, they never stopped coming out no matter how hard you try to get rid of them, as you gasp for air. Perhaps this was it is all you can think, partially losing the fight you start to give up.

Tanya watches on as she sees you try to pull out flowers, tossing them to the ground in wet puddles of blood and spit.

She turns your head and tries to help you get the flowers blocking your airway out of you but they wouldn't stop, the hanahaki was in its final stage she realizes and she was going to lose you...

You slowly stop the fight, and that sends a wave of fear to her.

She can't lose you as she suddenly throws caution to the wind, all her hope into this one shot. Fearful that the flowers might claim your life before she even got to know it. She held you close to her in a hug and whispered an apology before biting down on your neck.

You don't see or hear anything at that point, but you do feel the sensation of being held as you start to black out from lack of air. All is starting to slow...

But then, as if being thrown into a freezing lake by someone to wake you up, you suddenly jolt as fire then starts burning you. The pain is unbearable. Were you being burned? You thought you were finally going to find peace, but now all you feel is excruciating pain as you try to scream, but the flowers in your throat partially stop that. Is this a punishment for trying to push away your soulmate? Were the fates mad at you? As thoughts started to go as you gave into the pain.

The scene in this moment would look like a tragic painting in the eyes of an onlooker with no knowledge, a lady holding in her arms her love who's dying of hanahaki, petals, both stained with blood and not surround them on the ground as she whispers apologies and begs her lover to come back to her.

Tanya holds you and whispers her apologies, hoping that it isn't too late for the vampire venom to take effect.

This was a gamble, as she's heard of vampires before suffering the unfortunate circumstance of getting hanahaki. But usually, they'd have already been vampires for a while at that point, there's not been any known cases of a person being turned at the final stage of hanahaki...could it be that they don't make it? No, she's got to hope, you'll make it through this you have to...

She doesn't know what'd she'd do if you don't...

With the hanahaki muffling your screams she quickly goes around your place grabbing what you might need and finding your box of letters to her, grabbing that along she picks you up bridal style and carries you off to her car, she's going to take you home, being near humans would be too dangerous as a newborn.

A day passes, and she can't help but worry she stays by your side and waits, hoping that the venom can counter the hanahaki.

When she had gotten home, everyone came out to see her carrying you, the concern evident, and the realization that you were her mate also held some impact.

A day goes by and your heart beat stops your mouth still has flowers but the growth of them has slowed, some around the edges seemed to have wilted which she takes as a good sign, she tries to help take out the flowers hoping it'll help you.

There's not too much on hanahaki with vampires at such a late stage, usually if it's a normal vampire who's been around for a while they have ways around it, but if they don't fight it they get weakened, and it causes issues with life. But you were hopefully on your way to becoming a newborn, and she hasn't heard of any cases as such. So all she can do is stay by your side and wait, pleading to the fates that it works.

Whilst in this time though she does take to reading the letters you addressed to her, her heart warms at the oldest looking letter in the box, faded and worn down in an aged envelope with childish scrawl, she gets to know you through the years from the letters, and to say it's endearing is to say the least. It gives her hope that maybe you guys can make it through this.

The letter of you seeing her that night, though, hurts to read, she can feel the pain in the writing, and the next letters after a sense of you accepting your fate whilst traveling has her sad. Silently swearing to herself, she promises to show you that she does love you, that you are loved, and now that she's found you, she won't let you go.

On the third day, you awaken, your eyes open, red as blood.

Your instincts takes over screaming that you crave something to sate the inferno in your throat, as you move to sit up your eyes look around, landing on her, the instincts in you tell you that she's important to you. You move forward,

As Tanya calls for someone to bring her some blood, she has prepared for your awakening. Glad to see you had awakened, relieved she has more time with you, you look ever the part of a newborn besides the flowers cascading like a waterfall out of your mouth, overtime some had died and she had pulled some out but the core of the flowers was still there, she didnt want to risk it whilst you were still human. Now that you were immortal, she hoped it would hurt you a little less if she ripped the flowers out of your throat.

You try to move to her, but as she was handed an animal, she tackles you to the ground, keeping you down.

Apologizing saying it's gonna hurt as she rips the stems and flowers from your mouth with force, you gag as you feel stems and roots start to come up. Gasping and taking in a breath, there were still more stems deeper down your mouth, but this will have to do for now as she cracks open the squirrel and trickles the blood into your mouth, it tastes off but you drink regardless as it quenches the fire in your throat, you're able to swallow down the blood as you move to grab the squirrel draining it dry, she rushes off and drags in another animal, a doe, already taken down you move quickly and start to drain this one dry as well, despite the slight difficulty of the hanahaki slowly trying to regrow in your throat, you fight on still drinking.

As you drink, Tanya slowly runs her hands through your hair, praising you

"You're doing so good." Some part of you can't help but preen at the praise.

Eventually, after another animal or two, this ends as the thirst in your throat is quenched enough. Your mind clears for a moment to see her, really see her as you gain some semblance of control again, the bond of a mate is much more prominent whilst you're a newborn, and you almost forget about everything and give in to her

......

Almost.

A flash of the memory that hurt you about a year ago flashes through your mind, and in your emotional newborn state, you couldn't help but flinch. Part of your instinct screams to go to her, yet the part of you that's hurt and jealous fights back as you're torn.

Tanya sees this and can't help but feel pain at the conflict going on, she could see that you were torn between the intensity of the instincts for the bond to shine through versus the pain you had felt. It hurt to see you so conflicted. You didn't even realize you were a vampire yet, and that was a different bridge she would have to cross soon.

Not wanting to see your internal war anymore, she goes towards you, your eyes are shut as if you have a headache and are in agony. You don't feel it until she does it, but she's hugging you. Your mind tries to fight her, but your instincts wants you to melt into her. It hurts, the irrational side in you makes you want to cry, slowly, slowly, you start to break down as you stop fighting her hold.

She brings your head to the crook of her neck, cradling it in such a way, trying to comfort you.

It works as you stop fighting her.

You've calmed enough that she thinks she can speak and have you listen to her, so she starts.

"I know you believe I don't return your affections, but I do." You try to wiggle away at her words, but she uses all her strength to hold you there.

"You may not believe it, but I've lived a millenia before I could meet you", you stop squirming at that, confusion evident at the fact she said she's over 1000 years old.

"I had lost hope after a long time cause before I realized you were around, I had stopped looking at my string after all that time..."

"My string before you was dull and was short and lead nowhere.....I thought long ago that you were gone back then before I knew who you were, before I got to meet you"

"You have to know I never meant to hurt you when you saw me that night...I didnt know you were there and even though I didn't know, it's no excuse but even if I did know, you have to understand it was not my intention to hurt you...i would never hurt you intentionally...ever, you mean so much to me..."

Your mind brought the memory up and all you could feel was the desire to cry

"I've lived for a long time, and I once lost someone"

The jealousy rears it's green head around at who it could have been until her next words

"In a sense, she was basically my mother"

You stop and couldn't help but feel bad at the stupid feeling of jealousy. She had lost someone...

"This was long ago but our family at the time was really close, and the loss hurt...

You weren't around yet, and I didn't know how long you would take to be around, and the grief was all consuming...

It led me to turn to others, to just feel something..."

At this point, you were a mix of conflicted emotions...

"The man you mentioned that night meant nothing to me, my love. You say you saw me kiss him, and you might assume more, but I did nothing... I swear it"

"Something in me felt wrong after a bit, so I left, I can only assume the wrongness was the feelings through our bond..."

"I didn't realize it until my sister Irina, you may meet her later, pointed out to me that my string actually led somewhere, I decided to come looking for you after that"

"It may be hard to believe, but I am a vampire"

Yeah, that was definitely hard to believe you thought

"But when I found you and when...when the hanahaki almost took you I couldn't let that happen, I had only just found you and I didn't want to have to say goodbye, not before I could know you..."

"I'm sorry for bringing you pain, but I'm not sorry for changing you... you have to know how much you mean to me....I love you..."

You didn't know how to feel, a part of you felt her sincerity through her words and got a sense that she was being truthful....but the part of you that was still uncertain didn't know what to do...

"You don't have to believe me if you don't want to...but I will make it known for as long as I have to that I love you and I will always love you" she squeezes you a little tighter at those words

And for a second you let go of the denial for a bit that she doesn't actually love you, that what she says is false....and you can breathe a little easier, the hanahaki isn't entirely gone, there's that uncertainty to everything, but for now you let go of some of the feeling that's been hurting you, and this allows the hanahaki to weaken allowing you the breath that you no longer need.

You feel her turn and kiss your head, and some part of you warms at the gesture.

Your arms raise, and hug her back.

You know this won't be easy but you have to make it known.

"I forgive you... kind of...though part of me is still weary at all this.

Part of me feels like it can't trust you right away...another part of me despite this still holds love for you even after all of this. I'm confused, and I...I just don't know, I want there to be an us, but part of me feels that maybe that won't work..."

Tanya's unbeating heart hurts at the idea of the uncertainty in you, but she knows she would do whatever and tells you that she will try her best to mend the heart she accidentally broke even if it takes forever.

Her words soothe your pain a bit and the flowers relax a little more.

You know it won't be an easy road, but you and her will try to work to a point where you could be together...

You were both done waiting on the red string. It's finally brought you together. Now you have the road ahead to walk together in your eternity to figure this out.

#tanya denali x reader #tanya denali #twilight #denali coven #the denalis #hanahaki #waiting on the red string of fate #red string of fate #angst with a happy ending #twilight saga #feastingonfanfiction

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moonchild-in-blue · 9 months ago

Note

went outside to let one of my kitties play in the snow while the train was passing, the neighborhood was very peaceful and quiet. 💚

(i dressed appropriately for the cold, I promise)

Like street lamps, we glow so dim Like four walls, you've shut me in

I took a while to reply to this because I got weirdly emotional (what a surprise, pathetic wet cat girl is crying again), and rambled waay too much, so I'll spare you all and keep this under a cut.

Warning, this is Long and makes very little sense - I drafted it earlier this morning but wanted to get a picture of that ^ before posting. Also ignore my mistake lol, I should've double checked the lyrics beforehand.

You, know I spent a very long time last night looking at this picture. Something about the orange glow on the white layer of snow that is just... so peaceful and melancholic. I have a weird attraction to street lights - can't really explain why, but something about them makes me weirdly emotional (when I say I easily cry at the weirdest things, I'm not kidding in the slightest).

And then the snow.

Where I'm from, where I live, we don't have snow. Ever. Save for a small part of the very north of the country, the rest of us never get it - plenty of hail, and 5 minutes of barely-snow during a particularly cold day if you're extremely lucky, but never the real deal.

The first time I saw real, white, fluffy snow was during the autumn of 2016, right after moving to the UK for my studies. I was 19. It was such a beautiful moment - me and a bunch of other students from the dorms went out in our pjs at like, 4 or 5am to play in the snow. The first heavy snow I experienced was 2 years later, November 2018.

For the few years I lived there, I got to live through some wonderful snow days. It was amazing to wake up, look out my apartment window, and see the whole street covered in white. It's the one thing I genuinely miss about the UK.

Seeing this picture, the cars covered in white, the golden orange light, the night, dark and silent and peaceful, brought back so many memories of my early 20s nights. Getting home at 1am, exhausted and on the verge of tears, after a shitty shift at work. Me and my flatmates singing on the streets after one too many drinks at our favourite pub. 3am runs to the dingiest takeaway possible for oily chips and disgusting pizza.

So much of these seemingly ordinarily experiences are things that I will never get to live again. And that's fine and expected - I can't be 22 forever, and thank God I'm not! But I do get nostalgic about those times.

Sometimes I feel like it was just yesterday that I was waiting on the cold for a taxi after a house party, annoyed at myself for not kissing the guy I had a crush on. Sometimes they feel so distance, like forgotten memories belonging to someone else. And I don't know, this kinda brought back so many emotions, I had to take a moment to sort them out.

This also reminded me of a Midwest Emo album cover. Like, I can 100% see this picture on the next Real Friends / The Wonder Years / American Football / whatever band cover.

In particular, it reminded me of these two songs (aside from that first song I shared. Which btw I can't reccomend them enough). They're a bit sad (no surprises there), and not really related to your photo at all, but uhhhh yeah. I'm sharing anyways. Because why not.

Something about midwest emo/pop-punk bands that just puts you in a hyper contemplative mood 👍

If you read this whole nonsense ramble, I apologise. Once I get sentimental, it's hard not to pour over. I will never not be a sad emo girl, no matter how much time it passes lol 💙💚

Here's a nice cookie for your troubles 🤲🍪

#I'm so sorry for the unsolicited story time #also GOOD FOR YOU for being dressed warmly 😤 we don't want you to be sicker 🤧 (just sicker 😎)#<- i realise now i'm turning into a grandma 😐 sorry. i blame it on the Eldest Daughter Syndrome #anyways i love this picture so much. getting all emotional for no good reason #darya answers #soft with halo #darya's mixtape #<- i guess #special pocket post

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hellhammersbignaturals · 1 year ago

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judging you based on your favorite sewerslvt album

(ok I realized this isn't that judgy)

Don't be afraid of dying

you're either really edgy and could go on for hours about how introshit is actually super meaningful and deep, or it helps you sleep/study

Interdimensional **** films (im sorry I just feel really weird typing it out)

you have immaculate taste, Im obsessed with the opening track rn. Sewer//slvt was probably your favorite album at one point but then you heard this and went "I can have that song???? with Death Grips vocals????"

starving slvts always get their fix

if this is your favorite sewerslvt album, or if you just like it at all, hell even if you just like ONE of the songs on it i'm on my knees rn begging you to marry me. please, we can play starving slvt overture as I (or you if thats what you want) walk down the isle and we can have a special dance of just the two of us to pandora's box. we can play a game where the wedding guests have to guess what the lyrics to cold steel are.

it just gets worse

I never really gave this one a good listen but the songs on it kind of reminded me of don't be afraid of dying so I'll assume it helps you sleep/study

sewer//slvt

you probably discovered her music from tiktok back in 2020/21 and have a cutecore account. I was going to say something about the people that re-upload this album/songs from this album to spotify but I'm supposed to be working on my anger issues 😁 (youtube archives are fine though I love you guys <3)

drowning in the sewer

you definitely go to raves or at least want to. people who like atmospheric music in generally are chill I don't have anything bad to say.

draining love story

I feel like this is most peoples favorite album from her so sorry but im gonna say its kind of basic. You probably wish you had the vinyl and I do too lmao. if you actually have it though I'm so jealous of you.

sewer idol project

I don't have much to say, its a compilation album. You probably listen to it while imagining dancing in the rain.

The world is fvcked

i imagine that you've put this album on shuffle to fall asleep because most of it is calming but then you were woken up by psychosis blasting in your ears at 3am and took 30 minutes to calm down

schizophrenia simulation

you're definitely a raver/want to go to raves. I imagine you've also done some not-so-legal substances and listen to it when you're high

we had good times together, don't forget that

you've DEFINITELY cried to at least one of the songs on this album and no one blames you, anyone who doesn't feel at least a bit sad when hearing die alone/her/goodbye is just weird. you probably did some hard contemplating about life while listening to it too

#sewerslvt #jvne #breakcore #dnb #drum and bass #electronic #atmospheric music

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partnersrelief · 8 months ago

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This is personal.

“Teacher, I am so sad I can’t sleep.”

This message appeared on my phone at 3AM.

How do you respond to that? Is, “I’m so sorry,” good enough?

How can you sleep when you know that your parents can hear the sounds of fighting all around their village at home in Myanmar?

How can you focus on studying when you're scared that the next time you try to go home or even renew your passport, you will be drafted into the army that is killing your own people?

I’m used to my students' laughter and smiles, their enthusiasm for life and their incredible motivation in the face of difficult odds, but there is a point where reality becomes overwhelming and anyone would feel trapped.

The recent announcement about the enactment of the draft by the Myanmar military is causing worry and fear for young people from Myanmar both inside and outside the country. To try to enforce this law, the government will not allow young people to leave the country or renew passports until they have fulfilled the draft requirement. This will affect almost all of my students who are studying for their GED Exams within the next couple years if not months as their current passports expire or their visas for Thailand run out.

Here are some glimpses into the lives of my students as they grapple with this new reality:

A 17-year-old girl will have to return to Myanmar in 6 months when her visa expires unless she can find some alternative visa to transfer to in the meantime, which is very unlikely. By that time, she will be 18 and would not be let out of the country again. She said to me, “I’m so worried, I just want to cry. I can’t go back. I don’t know what to do.”

Another student told me that the active fighting has now reached his home village. Even though his relatives had scraped together enough money to pay for a flight out, they were turned back at the airport. Apparently, all flights had been grounded to prevent people from leaving the country.

A young man summed up his feelings saying, “I just don’t know what to do anymore. My country doesn’t care about me, and no one else wants us. I don’t belong anywhere.”

“My country doesn’t care about me, and no one else wants us. I don’t belong anywhere.”

As my students were confronted by the news and public discussions surrounding this draft order, the conversation spilled over into our class time. Many of the students expressed anger and frustration, obviously fueled by the fear they are feeling. They reacted to the way that academics handle this topic as a theoretical problem to be examined and debated, rather than an alarming reality. For the students, this is personal and is already impacting their lives. It is not just a projection of what might happen in the future.

In their own words:

“This has been our life for years already. Our people have been forced out of their homes continuously over the past decades. That is why there are so many of us in Thailand. It is not easy for us. We did not want to leave our homes.”

"We did not want to leave our homes.”

“What about the poor people who cannot pay money to leave the country? What about the children who are trapped by the fighting? What about the old people who can’t get visas for anything and have to stay where the fighting is? Who is thinking about them?”

Together we contemplated how we can turn these feelings of frustration and helplessness into something productive. What small goal can each of the students set their sights on to give them purpose right now, so they are not dragged down by despair?

At the end of the conversation a 19 year old girl who had listened quietly to the others came to me and said, “I am not going to get angry, because that won’t change anything now. Right now I will just focus on my studying. Then in the future I will be able to teach and help improve things and help people. That is the only thing I can do now.”

#myanmar #whatshappeninginmyanmar #education for all #partnersrelief #toloveistoact #thailand #migrants

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ladydorian05 · 1 year ago

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A Home for Broken Hearts ~ Chapter 2

Co-written with @made-ofmemories (she also made the header)

What's this!? Two chapters in one day!?

Yup, two chapters in one day!

You can expect one chapter per week, we'll most likely be posting on Saturdays. And last but not least, we'd love to read what you think of this fic! ❤️ Enjoy!! :D

Word count: 2,810

Master Post

AO3

Chapter 2: Of broken hearts and healing ideas

Robin thinks she’s stealthy, sneaking into Steve’s room, but she might just be the clumsiest person in the entire city and she is not as quiet as she thinks she is, creeping around the admittedly cluttered space. He wakes the minute she opens the door.

“Rise and shine, Stevie!” She sounds far too chipper, ripping the curtains open and sending him burrowing under the covers when the sunlight hits his squinting eyes.

“Go away, Robin.” His voice is muffled by the comforter bunched up around his face. It’s too early, his head is pounding and he would very much like to go back to sleep.

“Not until you tell me what happened last night.”

He must have woken her when he stumbled into the apartment last night. He doesn’t remember much after passing the threshold, but he must have been loud because Robin sleeps like the dead.

The bed dips as she flops down beside him. He lets out a sigh then rolls over to face her. She’ll drag it out of him one way or another, she always does. Steve had never believed in soulmates, until he met Robin and it was like staring at a part of himself that he hadn’t even known was missing.

Steve peeks his head out from beneath the blanket and sees Robin’s blue eyes staring back at him expectedly. Laying like this reminds him of the sleepovers they’d have as teenagers, staying up too late talking about everything and nothing. He misses those days, back when all they had to worry about were highschool grades and their shitty part time jobs at the ice cream parlor in the mall where they met.

“I had a date with Heidi. Well, I thought it was a date, turns out she only invited me there to dump me.” He contemplates hiding under the comforter again when he sees the expression on Robin’s face morph into sadness, “Please don’t look at me like that. I’m fine, Robs.”

“Sure you are,” she says, but her tone doesn’t match her words. Damn her and that ability she has to see through every last one of his lies. They do this a lot, Steve pretending he’s unaffected by everything even though they both know he’s got a much bigger heart than he lets on, “So where were you until 3am?”

“Some dive bar downtown.”

“Alone?”

“Alone.”

“How did you get home?” There’s concern creeping into her voice now and he hasn’t even gotten to the best, or maybe worst depending on the point of view, part of his story.

“Some random guy from the bar gave me a ride in his van.” He deadpans.

“What?”

“Yeah, we actually stopped at this- I guess you could call it a construction site?” Steve contemplates without a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Will it make you feel better if I say I am?”

“Oh my god. How have you even survived this long?” Robin asks, tangling one of her hands in her hair the way she always does when she’s stressed. She’s taking it better than he expected in all honesty. She’s always been a bit of a worrier.

“Dumb luck mostly.” He shrugs the shoulder he isn’t lying on, “Now that we’ve established that I’m an idiot, can I please go back to sleep?”

“No. You’re going to drink a glass of water, the biggest one we have. Then we’re going out for lunch and I want to know more about van guy.”

“Lunch? What time is it?” It feels early, too early, not time for lunch. Though that could be down to his pounding headache and the fact he didn’t go to sleep until long after 3am.

“12:30.” He feels the mattress shift again, this time when Robin gets up. She grabs his discarded shirt from the floor and it hits him in the face a second later, “Get dressed I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

“I hate you,” He says into his pillow, there’s no venom behind it. He looks up just in time to watch her flipping him off as she leaves.

Robin is sitting on one of the counter tops when he wanders into the kitchen 10 minutes later despite the perfectly good chairs a few feet to her left. She tosses a bottle of tylenol at him, he catches it and mumbles his thanks as he grabs an empty glass from the side of the sink.

Robin’s socked foot pushes into the soft flesh of his side, “That’s not the big one and you know it.” He sets the glass back down and pulls out another from the cupboard, holding it up so she can see it and awaiting her nod of approval before he fills it.

“My car is still at the bar, so you’ll have to drive,” He explains to her, suddenly very thankful for all those driving lessons he gave her over the years. They can pick his car up later, he doesn’t think he’s in any fit state to be driving right now anyway.

“Alright, you ready to go?” She asks once he’s shaken 2 pills from the bottle and swallowed them with a gulp of water.

“Yeah,” He pats the back pocket of his jeans and frowns when he finds it empty, “let me just grab my wallet.”

He finds his keys on the table by his bedside where he set them after stumbling in earlier that morning, he was sure he’d dumped his wallet there with them but it’s not there. There’s no sign of it after he’s turned the rest of his room upside down either leaving him scratching his head as he sits amidst the pile of laundry he’s dragged out from the basket under the assumption he must have left it in a pocket somewhere.

“Have you found it yet?” Robin calls. He’d tasked her with searching the couch in case it had somehow ended up wedged between the cushions, it wouldn’t be the first time.

“No.” He sticks his head out of his room to check up on her progress.

“I’m starving,” She whines, “let's just go. I’ll pay. We can tear the place apart looking for it later.”

“Just, let me check my room once more then we can go I swear.”

There’s a knock at the front door and Steve’s pretty sure that’s the only reason she doesn’t argue with him.

“Make it quick, Harrington!” She calls and he darts back into his room whilst she goes to deal with whoever is knocking at their door on a Saturday afternoon. They hadn’t been expecting company, at least none that he was aware of.

He abandons his laundry theory and turns instead to rifling through his drawers. It’s got to be in here somewhere. He’s onto the second drawer when he hears Robin’s voice ringing through the apartment.

“Hey, Stevie! I found your wallet.”

She’s holding the front door open, a smirk on her face as she watches him come barreling out of his room then freeze in his tracks when he sees none other than Eddie standing in the doorway holding up what appears to be Steve’s wallet.

He’s wearing an outfit similar to the one from the previous night, only this time there’s a leather jacket over his t-shirt and there’s a different yet still unfamiliar logo on the front of it. The only major difference in his appearance is his hair, it’s untied today, falling in loose curls down to his shoulders.

“Figured you might be missing this.” He’s smiling as he holds out the Wallet in Steve’s direction, “Found it under the passenger seat this morning.”

“Thanks, man, I appreciate it.”

He tucks the wallet into his pocket and thinks that’ll be the end of it, but Eddie lingers, twirling one of his rings around his index finger. Steve doesn’t know him well enough to tell whether it’s a nervous habit or just something he does.

“There’s actually something I wanted to show you,” Eddie says, “if you’re not busy.”

“We were just heading out to get lunch.” Steve explains, jabbing his thumb in the direction of Robin.

“Oh Lunch can wait, I want to see this.”

“What happened to ‘I’m starving, Steve, I’m going to waste away if we don’t get lunch within the next 10 seconds, Steve’.”

It’s a poor imitation of Robin’s voice, one that has her curling her lip at him in disgust. It makes Eddie chuckle though, a sound Steve finds himself really liking, which is maybe a little concerning given the fact they’ve known each other for less than 24hrs. That’s an issue for future Steve to unpack.

“Come on, what’re you waiting for?!” She throws both of her hands up in frustration, the keys in her hand jangling with the movement. She’s already halfway down the hallway while Steve and Eddie haven’t moved.

Steve and Robin take her car, a modern, bright yellow vw beetle that she had started saving for since before she even knew how to drive, and Eddie leads the way in his van.

Hellfire looks pretty much the same as Steve’s slightly fuzzy memory of it. There’s a little sunlight streaming through the cracks in some of the window coverings and a lot more people milling around, but it still looks just as much of a construction site.

“Eddie? Is that you?” It’s a feminine voice, cheery and light. At first Steve can’t determine where it’s coming from until a head of strawberry blonde hair pops up from behind the bar.

“I brought some visitors,” Eddie says to the mystery woman who is making her way over to them, then turns his attention to Steve and Robin again, “This is Chrissy my…”

“Business partner,” She supplies when he struggles to find the words.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Steve.”

“Robin.”

“Chrissy helps me out with just about everything.” He pulls her into a one armed hug and she pushes him away playfully with a smile. It’s clear they’re close, but Steve can’t quite figure out what the story between them is. He is, however, sure there’s more to it than simple business partners, “She’s pretty much the only reason anything gets done around here.”

“Yes, I am, which is why I need to get back to work,” She shares a glance with Eddie that Steve can’t quite decipher, it’s the same type of silent communication he and Robin have perfected through many many years of friendship, “It was lovely meeting you both,” She says, her face morphing back into something more open and friendly when she addresses Steve and Robin.

Chrissy leaves them, navigating through the mess of covered up furniture and construction equipment with so much ease Steve is sure she could do it blindfolded.

“Ok, it’s just over here,” Eddie explains, returning to their original task and the whole reason they’re here in the first place.

He leads them to the wall where Steve had left the scrunchie last night, but now there’s something beside it, two tickets pinned to the wall with messy handwriting scrawled next to them.

‘James skipped town 3 days

before this concert

and didn’t bother to tell me.’

“Heidi?” Robin questions, ignoring the tickets entirely and looking at Steve’s message from last night, “Steve, did you do this?”

“Yeah,” Steve waves her off, he’ll catch her up on everything over lunch, “but who left those?”

“Don’t know.” Eddie shrugs, “Found them when I got here this morning. Could’ve been anyone there’s people in and out of this place all the time, construction worker, delivery guy, who knows.”

“Holy shit,” Steve says, running his fingers over the edge of the tickets.

“Yeah, holy shit,” Robin echoes, “Do you know how long I’ve been trying to get him to lose some of the ex memorabilia?” She asks Eddie, “Seriously, you should see his room, it's like a mausoleum in there. He once kept a gum wrapper, with a wad of chewed up gum in it for over a year.”

“Alright, thank you very much for that Robin, but I think that’s enough.” Steve cuts her off with a stern glare.

“A mausoleum for broken hearts,” Eddie muses.

Robin’s face lights up with an idea at Eddie’s words. She grabs the marker from the table they had passed on the way over here, the same pen Steve and presumably whoever left the tickets had used to scrawl on the wall.

‘The broken hearts gallery, leave your heartbreak here’

“There,” She says, stepping back to admire her work, “It could be like a community project, maybe there’s more hoarders like Steve out there who need a place where they can learn to let go.”

“I am not a hoarder,” Steve protests, indignant at the mere suggestion, “It’s a good idea though, maybe it’ll help people.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Eddie interrupts, waving his hands in front of him as he steps between them, “as much as I’m all for self expression. Maybe a literal construction site isn’t the best place for your little art project?”

“It’s the perfect place,” Robin insists, “I can set up some social media accounts, start spreading the word.”

“We could ask for tips for each donation too,” Steve suggests, “You can put the money back into this place.”

“And Steve can help out with the labor, you guys look busy, an extra pair of hands would be good right?” Steve’s glaring at her again, but she’s unphased, “Oh what? It’s not like you’ve got anything better to do.”

She’s right, she usually is, it’s annoying.

“It would,” Eddie confirms, taking a moment to consider the offer before he says “alright, deal.”

They agree to meet again on Monday at 8am, Chrissy seems thrilled with the news when Eddie calls her over to let her know about their newest volunteer and they share another one of those silent conversations passed through a series of unreadable expressions.

Chrissy and Eddie are an unusual pair, it was evident the moment Eddie had introduced her to them, and it continues to be evident now. Chrissy is wearing a pair of light wash jeans and a peach t-shirt with a white ribbon tied into a bow holding up her slicked back ponytail, meanwhile Eddie is all dark denim and leather. They couldn’t look more different if they tried. And for all her caution, Robin seems to have taken to them both rather quickly, so much so that he’s surprised she doesn’t invite them to lunch.

They eat at their usual haunt, a little cafe they frequent so often because Robin insists they sell the best apple pie in the whole city. Steve is just glad to have a good cup of coffee placed down in front of him.

Robin spends most of the time with her nose buried in her phone, occasionally passing it across the table to ask Steve’s approval on whatever social media page she’s setting up now. Should it be the broken heart gallery or the broken hearts gallery? Does he think this picture is better or this one?

“Sure,” He agrees despite not really knowing what the question was. She frowns at him, wrong answer, “Sorry.”

“I know I kind of just sprung this on you,” Robin starts, her voice is soft a tone she reserves only for serious conversations, “but we don’t actually have to go through with this whole gallery thing if you’re not into it. I just thought it would be good for you to have something to focus on that isn’t...” She stalls, making a few vague gestures with her hands.

“My failed love life or my non-existent career?” He says and she cracks a smile at his bluntness.

“Yeah, that.”

“I think it’s a good idea, and you’re right. I can’t just mope around the apartment for the rest of my life.” Oh how he wishes he could.

“Eddie is kinda hot too.”

“Robin!” He scolds.

“What? I’m gay not blind, Steve.”

“Alright we are not having this conversation,” Steve decides, hurrying to change the subject.

It’s not like he hasn’t noticed. Maybe if circumstances were different he’d even consider making a move, but he’s in the midst of yet another failed relationship and the risk of making things awkward with Eddie is too great when the guy is letting them use a space in his property for Robin’s idea free of charge.

She holds up her hands in surrender, “I’m just saying.”

“Show me those pictures again.”

She obliges, passing her phone over to show him the two very rough drafts of a logo she has put together.

“One on the right for sure.”

“That’s what I thought!” She beams, excitedly taking the phone from him and continuing to tap away at the screen.

What has he let himself be dragged into?

#steddiebigbang23 #a home for broken hearts #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #teacher!steve harrington #bartender!eddie munson #robin buckley #chrissy cunningham #broken hearts gallery au #stranger things

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movedchickennoodle · 4 years ago

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i love oingo boingo but ive never actually listened to them because im afraid that they wont sound as they do in my head. the small danny elfman and his little oingo boingo men that live in my mind wont ever disappoint me. i cant guarantee the same from the real ones.

#its 3am and i took zzzquil and im dissociating so if this dkesnt make sense im sorry :(#that little sad face is genuine and not performative #i took my meds on an empty stomach so now i feel sick and im contemplating such things as oingo boingo and donny darko and words #definitely gonna delete this later

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starshaped-dreamer · 2 years ago

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late nights (l.dh)

pairing - lee donghyuck x reader (a comfort fic)

genre - angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, established relationship AU

warnings - mentions of a bad day, depressive thoughts and insecurity, disordered eating, stress

w/c - 1198

a/n - it’s 3am and I watched a sad tiktok so I’m writing some hyuck comfort because I love him (i write for OT23 so please request if you’d like to see more nct fics!)

quick disclaimer - in no way is this intended to romanticise depression in any way shape or form it is intended to serve as comfort for both myself and anyone who needs it :) as always I’m here to talk if you ever need it and I hope you enjoy <;3

Your day hadn’t been great. If you thought about it, it’s been a while since you’d had a good day. Your mind often liked to play tricks on you, flood every waking hour with insecurities and foolish thoughts. It created the same old pit in your heart it always did. You were a burden. A bothersome person unworthy of anything you possessed in life. Especially unworthy of him.

This day had been particularly harsh on you. Everything seemed to go as wrong as they possibly could at any given moment. And to make things worse, you’d been given a project last minute which needed to be finished by the next day. Hence being the last person left in the office at 11pm. You knew your work never treated you very well. They took advantage of you and hardly respected or appreciated you in return. But your job was the one thing that made you feel some sort of worth. You’d had an ultimate fear that without the job, without some form of reward for the little motivation you’d had recently, you’d lose any motivation you had left. And in turn you’d lose him too.

As you entered your shared apartment and kicked off your shoes, Donghyuck immediately shot up from his position on the couch. His brow furrowed immediately at the sight of you. You were beautiful to him, you’d always been, but the bags under your eyes and your slightly sunken in cheeks were plenty means for concern. He’d noticed small patterns in you over the years he’d known you. He could tell when things were slowly beginning to get bad again, when your meals became smaller and less frequent, and your smile became faker. He knew these were the times he had to stay by your side the most, and now was no exception.

“Y/N?” You looked up from the floor at the sound of his voice, and your heart sunk as you realised he’d stayed up to wait for you. He deserved rest and he wasn’t getting it because of you.

Trying to suppress the guilty tears threatening to fall, you put on a small smile, which Donghyuck can see doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Hey Hyuck. You really shouldn’t have waited for me, it’s really late.” He pouted slightly at your statement, which warmed your heart a little.

“That’s exactly why I should’ve stayed up. You need cuddles from your adoring boyfriend after a long day working late.” He stood up from his position on the couch, walking over to you and pulling you into his arms. The tears threatened to fall, but you tried to suppress them once more. You didn’t want to ruin Donghyuck’s affectionate mood with your emotional state.

He pulled you beside him on the couch, leaning against the armrest and pulling you tightly against his chest. “I missed you today,” he mumbled softly into your hair, pressing gentle kisses to the crown of your head.

You hummed in reply, closing your eyes as Donghyuck softly drew shapes on your forearm with the pads of his fingers. You tried to clear your mind, focusing on the rise and fall of his chest beneath you.

Donghyuck chewed on the inside of his cheek, contemplating whether now was the right time to talk to you or not. He wasn’t going to let you suppress all your thoughts and emotions for this long, it wasn’t healthy and he was worried about you. But he was worried that he would ruin the first chance you’ve had to relax in a long time.

His concern won the battle as he gently brushed his thumb against your cheek, prompting you to open your eyes and look at him. He helped the two of you sit up, interlocking one of his hands with yours, the other resting gently on your knee.

“Y/N,” he started, unsure of the best way to start. “Are you doing okay? I’m worried about you.”

Your heart sunk, this was the last conversation you were expecting that night. You’d thought you’d done a better job of hiding it, trying your hardest not to worry him anymore than he needed to. A tear slipped down your cheek, both shocked and emotional at his sudden question and the overwhelming thoughts filling your brain, and you swipe it away quickly.

He grabs your hand gently, lowering it to your lap. “See what I mean? You’re suppressing it, you’re hiding it from me. I-I just want you to tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours so I can help you.” His voice wavered slightly, almost pleading you to let him help you. His heart was shattering seeing you like this, and he was desperate to do whatever it took to take some of your pain away.

You let the tears fall, unable to hold them back any longer as Donghyuck gently swiped them away. “I don’t know what’s going on, but you don’t have to worry. It’s something I can easily fix on my own.”

His heart broke even more at your response. “Sweetheart, please, let me help you. I’m here for you, always. You’ve been skipping meals and sleeping late and bottling up your emotions. You don’t have to deal with this all your own.”

Sobs racked your body at his words, and you slumped against him, burying your head in his chest as he held you tightly to him. “I- I’m just sick of all the thoughts constantly going through my head. Stupid insecurities that are making me push people away, and too many emotions for me to sort out all at once. I just want to be able to appreciate what I have without being scared I’m going to lose it all at a moments notice. I want to feel like I’m good enough for you instead of feeling guilty you have to put up with someone like me.”

Donghyuck gently ran his fingers through your hair as you spoke, listening intently to every word you were saying. “Sweetheart, you never have to feel that way around me. You’re perfect. Your problems are never burdens, I want to listen so you don’t have to ever feel that way. I want to be the person you feel comfortable sharing stuff like this with so the weight you have on your shoulders is a little bit lighter.”

You sniffled lightly, looking up at him. “I love you, Hyuck. I’m sorry for acting like this.”

He frowned playfully at you. “Nope. No unnecessary apologies allowed here. I will accept kisses, though.”

You giggled softly, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. He smiled adoringly at you. “I love you Y/N. Now, our plan of action is a delicious dinner cooked by your loving boyfriend, cooked quick enough to ensure you’ve washed up and are sleeping by 1am. You’ve worked so hard, and you need your rest. I’m so proud of you.” He pressed another kiss to your lips, a longer one this time, before setting off to the kitchen to make your favourite meal.

And you knew, despite your worries and your doubts, Donghyuck was going to be by your side forever.

#nct x reader #nct x reader fluff #haechan x reader #haechan x reader hurt/comfort #haechan x reader fluff #haechan x reader angst #lee donghyuck x reader #donghyuck x reader #hyuck x reader #haechan #lee donghyuck #hurt/comfort #nct hurt/comfort #tw: depression

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lunacvte · 3 years ago

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Defending Mammon ☆

listen- so i was playing obey me and i was thinking about how much Mammon get’s slandered on and i was like “I wonder how he would feel about that if it was real life”, just getting called all this stuff by his own brothers and such- i know it’s not as serious in the game as i’m gonna make it sound in this writing, but i thought it’d be a fun topic so here i am 🤭

Without further ado, This is also my first real writing, i hope everyone enjoys it >:) no real warnings except for some fighting between the brothers, name calling, nothing too serious! Overall happy ending 🫶🏻

Characters: gn!reader, Mammon, The demon bro’s ofc

Fandom: Obey Me!

Since the first day you woke up in the devildom, everyday has been — well, let’s just say you’ve experienced more in a few months than the average human does in… years.

Constant arguments, fights, endless homework, tasks given to you to complete from Lucifer himself, more arguments, telling a grown, nearly 6 ft tall demon man to get away from the fridge and go to bed at 3am- it’s exhausting work.

You can say you try your best to mend all the problems each brother has, without completely getting into everyone’s business which ultimately failed badly. Just doing all you can to grow closer with the 7 demons.

There is a certain demon you’ve actually grown quite close to though. Mammon! The target for all ill-talk amongst the brothers. Getting called “scumbag”, “moron”, “idiot”, “self-centered tsundere”, the list goes on, and you’ve heard all the insults in the book.

You’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you feel a little bad for Mammon when he does something dumb and get’s slandered for it. But he usually always has some sort of comback or just disregards whatever they say, so you don’t contemplate about it too much.

It seems as though he’s used to this treatment, never really getting sad over it, only ever annoyed since it constantly happens, but it’s clearly nothing too serious, you thought to yourself. At least thats what you figured, he was “THE Great Mammon” after all, why would some puny insults get to such a powerful immortal like him?

He seemed a bit off the past few days, though. He didn’t barge in your room as soon as morning came, to wake you up for breakfast and to get ready for class, he was still somewhat his usual self, raving to you about his thoughts of how to make more money, complaining about how boring Lucifer’s or Diavolo’s lectures and meetings are, the usual. He hardly paid any attention to his brothers whenever they spoke to him, barely acknowledging them.

It started off with Beel, asking him to help make breakfast for everyone since it was his turn to cook and he wanted to get it done before Lucifer woke up and classes started, but Mammon ignored his request and continued on with the conversation he was having with you. Beel shook his head without bothering with him. You thought it was really unlike Mammon, but regardless, you didn’t intervene.

And that’s how the whole day so far went. And as the brothers recognized his behavior, they were getting fed up with it. So here everyone was, in the lounge/study area, minding their business for now, but more was bound to happen.

You and Mammon had been sitting on couch doing some homework and talking all about one of his modeling experiences when everyones heads turned to the stairway, as a shout echoed into the room, it was Levi’s voice, of course yelling Mammons name. It wasn’t long before Levi was stomping down the stairs, you could see he was holding what seemed to be a wallet, though it was opened and empty.

“DID YOU REALLY TAKE ALL OF THE MONEY INSIDE THIS WALLET?!” Levi yelled, walking closer towards both you and Mammon. You looked at him, seeing his lips part, as if he was going to say something but nothing came out. All of the brothers just quieted down and watched the scene.

“Well?? You’re the only one who could be dumb enough to go through someone’s room!” He claimed, holding the wallet with a fist.

You were about to try calming Leviathan, but before you could say anything, Mammon finally spoke out.

“W-well it was when ya told me i could take some cash-! Y’know, for the ring i wanted..! Listen Levi, i-i said i’d pay ya back, i’m not in the mood right now to be-“ Mammon was cut off by the angry demon in front of us.

“You’re not in the mood? Well neither am I! I told you i’d give you some cash, this was a wallet that was hidden from you for a reason, and now it’s empty! How’d you even find this?? I guess you really are such a greedy dumbass to steal from your own brother!” He shouted once again, making everyone look at Mammon with disappointed eyes.

“Mammon. How much did you take for Levi to be this fumed?” Satan suddenly intervened, looking at him as he rested the book he had been reading on his lap. Mammon scoffed and glanced at you for a split second, only to look away at a random wall. “I-it was just like.. 100 grimm or something..” he mumbled, though everyone could hear.

It felt like you could hear everyone in the room sigh, Seeing Asmo roll his eyes and go back to maintaining his nails as if he didn’t care about just another dumb fight of his older brothers.

“HAH! You’re real good at making jokes, you know that?? Try 2,000 grimm! I had exactly 2,031 grimm in here!! And its all gone! you’re such an idiot, Mammon- words can’t even explain how mad I am. You get your greedy hands on EVERYTHING the second you get a chance to, without any regard for anyone else! But stealing THAT much money?? From me?? You really thought i wouldn’t notice?? I was saving up for a gift for everyone here so we could enjoy it as a family but you ruined that! I seriously can’t stand you.”

Everyone just stared at Leviathan as he ranted on and on, shocked at his words that came out so harshly.

And so the insults rolled in.

“Seriously Mammon? You’re gonna lie and say 100 grimm when it was actually that much? So stupid.”

“I doubt you’re even gonna give it back. Or pay him back, nonetheless.”

“You always do this. Why can’t you just learn already? We get you’re the sin of greed but why can’t you just earn money like everyone else??”

“Don’t expect me to help out this time when Lucifer ties you up to the ceiling.”

“All this shouting is making me too hungry…” (pls beel would say this, can’t prove me wrong 😭)

Mammon just clenched his jaw and rested his head on his hand. He wasn’t arguing back or standing up for himself like usual or even making a joke out of it, he just sat there at took it all. While you don’t agree with what he did, he didn’t deserve to have such demeaning things said to him. He made a stupid mistake, but who’s to say he really won’t do it again?

After a few minutes of all his brothers scolding him, you just looked at Mammon, seeing how his eyes were coated with a glossy look. Was he really on the verge of crying? You knew he was sensitive when it came to stuff that scared him, or sad movies, but you’ve never actually seen him almost cry.. and it broke your heart.

“Guys, stop! All this yelling is giving me a headache.” You said, not too loudly but clear enough for everyone to hear over each other’s voices, and the room did infact quiet down once again. Mammon just looked over at you, his expression was soft, but you could tell he was surprised.

“Do you all think this constant scolding and arguing doesn’t affect him?? Yes, he shouldn’t have touched the money that didn’t belong to him, but how can you guys sit here and call him “stupid”, and “dumbass”, as if he’s supposed to just shrug it off later?? You all act like you’re perfect when everyone in this room has their flaws and faults, so i’m done hearing this constant “let’s make Mammon the bad guy” here, because he’s not! He took some money that can be replaced. Levi, you should know that Mammon is now sorry for taking the money, but you can just work a bit more or make money online like you usually do, can’t you? You all only have one brother like Mammon, and I know you all love him despite the things he does, so why can’t you just cut him some slack sometimes??”

You huffed after practically saying everything you wanted in a short few breaths, seeing everyones expressions turn to shock. Once again, you got into everyone’s business, like this argument that had nothing to concern you with, but it needed to be done. Mammon was someone who was close to you and you cared about him, even if he did things you wouldn’t agree with.

Mammon just looked at you with eyes that were more teary than before and blushed furiously before looking down at his lap. No one knew what to say, this was the first time their sweet human had snapped like this, getting in between their fight. As everyone sat there in silence, you contemplated on if you should have just kept your mouth shut.

“I’m.. sorry, i just couldn’t sit here while you all called someone important to me such things..” you murmured.

“Are you kidding? You just ended a whole falling-out between Levi and Mammon- who never shut up, with just words! Are you sure you don’t have some magic in you?? Honestly.. it was quite attractive~ having you scold us like that~” Asmo stated, his tone sounding astonished, though adding a little giggle at the end.

“Yeah.. usually lucifer has to get in the middle of things by punishing one of them.. clearly he’s been doing things wrong this whole time.” Belphie stated.

“More importantly.. you really- stood up for me?” Mammon uttered out, having everyones attention turned towards him once again.

“Well.. yeah, like I said. I’m done with the arguing..”

“MCCCC!!~ I can’t believe you said such adorable things about meeee.. i might really cryyy…” your whole body suddenly jolted from the force of Mammon throwing his arms around you completely, his head rested on your shoulder as he happily sobbed.

Whattt is happening.

“Just because mc was here to defend you this time doesn’t make what you did okay. You better work to pay Leviathan back. Every single 2,031 grimm. Or we’ll tell Lucifer about all this and have him exterminate your precious credit card.” Satan said with a familiar stern voice, similar to Lucifers lecturing tone.

But not once did Mammon move his head from your shoulder, you just chuckled and patted his back softly.

“I think he understands.” You told Satan.

“Good. Let’s get food from Hell’s Kitchen now, i’m starving” Beel smiled, as all of us gave him a “we literally just ate dinner an hour ago..” look.

Later that night, Mammon lightly tapped your bedroom door that was half open, not wanting to be loud incase you were asleep, but you were infact awake. You sat up from your bed and turned on your lamp, giving him a faint smile as you rubbed your eyes to adjust to the light.

“What’s up, Mam’s?”

“Uh.. I wanted to thank ya for earlier.. i don’t think many people would stand up for someone like me or for what I did so.. hearing that I’m someone important to you really made me happy.. happier than I think i’ve ever been.” He said, looking away from you, knowing that he was flustered beyond belief.

“Of course, but you ever pull something like that again, and i’ll scold you myself. And i don’t take theft lightly, got that? You really hurt Leviathan.” You said, patting the spot right next to you on your bed, letting Mammon sit down beside you.

And so, you both ended the day laying next to each other, talking and laughing until the middle of the night and the time came around to cuddle up and fall asleep.

A/N : AHH MY FIRST WRITING IS COMPLETE SNDNMA I HOPE THIS WASN’T TOO LONG AND BORING i’m just a beginner 🥹

#obey me #mammon x reader #obey me! shall we date?#obey me fluff #PLS GIVE ME REQUESTS OF WHAT TO WRITE #leviathanobeyme #lucifer obey me #asmodeusobeyme #satan obey me #belpheghor #beelzebub obey me #obey me mammon #mammon x mc

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theemptyhearsesys · 3 years ago

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I'm angry and sad at the same time, you might ask me "why?" It's because the doctors I go to don't listen to my issues and my grandparents constantly invalidate my need for a mobility aid. I'm also angry and sad because it's now a constant battle between me and my body.

I'm TIRED all the time, I'm HURTING all the time, and I can barely walk nowadays, the pain has gotten so bad I can't even get up most of the day. I struggle walking to class with my cane, I even struggle using one at home. I have to push my body past its limits to do basic things I need to do. I'm sick of it to say the least. I can't even defend myself anymore if something were to happen to me or my friends.

"Look on the bright side!" They said, "I'm sorry," they said! But I sit here at the middle of 3am contemplating my own existence because I can't do a lot of things now. How selfish am I for crying out loud? I just want the pain to end, I want to be diagnosed properly by a doctor who will listen to me and make sure I get my medication that I'm prescribed and taking it properly.

All they'd tell me at an urgent care center is that I have a sprained ankle. It's more than just a sprained ankle, my legs and hips are always hurting, but it's now almost impossible to stand for me. We don't think our insurance would even cover a wheelchairs expense. My fiancé is offering to help when he gets the money, but I feel so guilty having to depend on him like this.

I'm so exhausted and I'm close to another breakdown. I need advice on something but I don't know if I'm prepared for it. I'm just desperate for a diagnosis at this point. They refuse to diagnose me with Chronic Migraines for example too but I've had a bad bad history of them since I was 10 or 11. Trial and error, for years on end with over the counter medication..

I don't know what to do anymore, but I'll try to keep going, I need to try at the very least..

-Arson, the Host of the system.

#vent blog #physical disability #actually disabled #mentally drained #cane user #genderfluid #struggle #disability awareness #ashamed #invisible disability #disabledcreator #disabled community #disabled witch #chronically ill #chronically tired #chronically disabled #did system #osdd community #mobility aid

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laceymorganwrites · 2 years ago

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Funeral Grey

Kinktober day 3:

Pairing: Zeke x fem!reader

Word count: 2,418

Warnings: Zeke Jaeger

A/N: ahahahha um anyways~ this got a bit personal because yeah kinda into that

Zeke hated going clubbing. Absolutely. But he was the only driver available for the night and Pieck and Porco promised to leave him alone with it for the next month. That was good enough for him. Besides, he was too nice for his own good sometimes. It´s been an hour and he was already regretting it. Standing by the bar, drinking water and feeling so out of place he stared at his watch. 11pm. And then she walked in with her friends. Zeke wasn´t the type of guy to care about people´s looks but she just took his breath away completely, it was like somebody gut punched him. He was frozen in place and couldn´t help but stare at her. He looked like a complete idiot. Her friends moved to the dancefloor while she ordered drinks for everyone in the group. She had such a bored look on her face, Zeke couldn´t help but be enticed. Then again, who on earth went clubbing in a grey sweater? His interest peaked and that didn´t happen very often with him. She walked over to her friends and downed the shots she ordered before disappearing into the crowd to dance for a bit. His eyes didn´t leave her for a second. After a while she came by the bar again for more drinks. “You gonna stare at me all night, pretty boy?” she chuckled, leaning against the counter next to him. “Why not, I enjoy the view” he returned her smirk. “Hmm, boring” she sighed, sipping her drink. He liked the sound of her voice, but beautiful women made him weak. “So what´s your favorite color?” and stupid. She didn´t mind and just pointed at her waist. “You know, technically… that´s not a color. That´s a shade” great start, Jaeger.

“Don´t disagree with me” she stated coldly before walking away again, drink in her hand. He didn´t even know her name but that look on her face… he never thought he´d be the submissive one but the thought of being her slave just enticed him too much. Her looking at him like that again…. telling him how pathetic and stupid he was… how he couldn´t even satisfy her enough. He gulped, his throat was dry by now and he gripped the glass of water just a bit too tight. No way in hell did he just get half hard by the woman with the most cold, distant and bored look on her face he has ever seen. That was so much more than just embarrassing. “Only hot people wear sweaters in summer” he mumbled before staring into space. It was pathetic. It was like a fucking fever dream. One he only woke up from when Pieck and Porco wanted to go home. Luckily it wasn´t that late and he needed to cool off anyway so he quickly drove them home and made sure they wouldn´t throw up in the apartment. Thankfully they dozed off immediately, the alcohol playing its part better than he could´ve planned. He sighed, standing in the middle of the living room and contemplated all of his life choices. Would he really drive back to a club just to see a woman that probably wasn´t even there anymore? Was he really that desperate? It was sad that he didn´t even think twice before getting back into the car. What the hell was he doing? It was two AM as he entered the club again, pretending to enjoy the music and actually want to be there. He felt like such an idiot for searching for her in the crowd. It was 3AM when she walked in again, completely mesmerizing him once again. And then he realized he´d do it all over again. Just to be able to breathe the same air as her. She already looked at him like he was the most pathetic loser she knew when she came to the bar, a lit cigarette in her mouth. “You know that shit is gonna kill you, right?” he told her, immediately wanting to disappear once again. He didn´t know why she had this effect on him but he just got so stupid every time she was around. He didn´t expect her to smile at that, much less for her to blow the smoke in his face directly. “Well, now you´re gonna die too” she smirked but her eyes remained as cold as ever. Oh, he wanted to. Zeke thought he really wouldn´t mind if he died right now. Not if it was her who put him out of his misery. He didn´t want her to leave again so he tried to engage in a conversation. “Hey, do you want to have my number? Maybe we could grab a coffee sometime” he said, his hands sweaty. She looked him up and down in a look that could only be described as pity. She couldn´t hold back her laughter either. “Yeah no, I don´t date desperate guys like you” she told him. “It doesn´t even have to be a date! We can just hang out, it doesn´t even have to be that long” he was way past the point of denying the fact that he was desperate. Because he was. It would be embarrassing but it was the first time this has ever happened to him. The first time someone ever had this impact on him. “Look, I know your dying wish is to be baptized in my spit. And I might grant it if you leave me alone after, okay?” she offered, her voice devoid of any feeling. She sounded so annoyed. And all because of him. He did feel sorry for that. But he was so happy that she was talking to him. He couldn´t believe his luck. Of course he noticed that her friends were sending her pitiful looks, laughing about him and feeling sorry for both of them. Zeke smiled brightly even though he knew exactly that she was just looking right through him. “Would you really do that?” he asked, a hopeful ´for me?´ lingering in his words. He probably looked like a child experiencing his first birthday right now, his eyes so big, so full of hope when he knew that all he could find in her eyes was deep and dark despair for him and other guys like him. Zeke had always liked bathing in his own illusions. “Sure, I´ll even spit in your mouth” she said, smirking. It took her everything not to burst out in laughter on the spot. She always knew men were stupid but his level was just ridiculous. He was a pitiful creature, a loser right out of the book. The way he fidgeted with his hands, probably all clammy and sweaty from having a woman talk to him. He never once even looked at her, not when she was standing right in front of him. Apparently the floor was more appealing. He gulped, he was so nervous and for what? Nothing would ever happen between the two of them. He knew that. Was he really that desperate? In reality Zeke couldn´t wait for it, he could already feel her saliva drip down his throat. Oh he would savor it before he´d swallow. Licking his lips afterwards not to waste a single drop. It would be like an indirect kiss, better even. Something so intimate, granted from a goddess. To a nobody like him? He felt like he could ascend into heaven this instance. “Yes, yes please. I´ll do anything” there it was. The desperate and starved plea for more of her time. She had him. She only was glad to be rid of him afterwards. He´d make it for a fun story of the night to laugh about with her friends in the morning on the way to work. But that was it. They wouldn´t even remember him the day after. And they wouldn´t care to either. Losers like him existed far and wide across the world. “Cool, this´ll be the last time we see each other” she stated and he knew it. He was painfully aware of it. But this memory would live on forever in him. It was like he was chosen. He didn´t even know her name and she didn´t care to ask for his. But somehow this fact made all of this all the more special. To him only, naturally. She sighed in annoyance and pushed him down on his chair harshly, making him blush furiously. He even choked back a moan. Disgusting. She hated touching guys like him, it made her feel so icky and dirty. She wanted to avoid contact at all costs so she just told him to open his mouth already, he obeyed like a slut. It really wasn´t a big deal for her, the whole thing was over in about three seconds. She leaned over him and spat in his mouth, waiting for her saliva to drop completely before finishing her drink, returning the glass to the bar and leaving the club with her friends without ever looking back to him again. The women shared a few laughs and then never wasted another thought on the loser from that one club.

Zeke could only describe the moment as a religious experience, as an epiphany. Touched by a goddess. He could smell her hair, she was so close to him. He even imagined her smiling at him as she spat. His eyes half lidded, he couldn´t bear to look away but the experience was godly, he had to savor every drop he could get. Because it would be the last one. It was warm in his mouth, mixing with his own saliva, a connection formed from pity and a deranged love at first sight. He felt it trickle down his lips, he let it for as long as he could before he licked his lips. Everything else became void in the second. The noise and people from the club drowned out, leaving him to his own perverse pleasure. He was hard. Painfully so. Eyes rolling back as he swallowed her spit, biting his lip to suppress a moan, he felt his jeans tightening even more. And then it all came crashing down on him. The music was blaringly loud and he saw some people look at him weirdly, a disgusted woman frowned at him, another one was chuckling, the guy next to him shook his head in disbelief. He heard someone mumble what a pathetic guy he was and honestly. They weren´t wrong. Zeke got up hurriedly and rushed to the bathroom, thankfully the club was full so nobody was paying him any mind. In his head that was the sole reason, not the fact that he was so painfully dull and boring. The kind of guy whose face you forgot instantly after meeting him. The guy whose name wasn´t worth remembering. He was almost out of breath as he closed the door of his stall, leaning against the wall. Somehow he felt dizzy. His cock was aching. Of course it was. He had to take care of it and fast. Nobody was here right now, so he opened his zipper, pushing his pants down to his knees. It was an awkward position he found himself in but then again it wasn´t something he wasn´t used to. It was quite uncomfortable, the fabric was rubbing against his skin, irritating it. There was already a wet patch forming in his briefs, he saw his cock twitch through the fabric. It was quite small so it was a miracle he could even see it this clearly. He positioned his hand above his head to steady himself as he rubbed his crotch with his other one. Zeke groaned as he laid his head back, closing his eyes to avoid looking at the filthy walls. With closed eyes he could imagine anything he wanted to. Like you. He was sure you changed his life with your interaction. He would think of this moment for years to come, when he was alone in his room at night. He didn´t get laid often. Which was surprising because he was quite attractive and he´s been told he got pitied a lot, which usually helped. But apparently he was too pathetic to be considered sexual. And somehow that turned him on. Being beneath everyone and everything. Not being regarded as a human being. The only way to interact with the goddess being an act of pure filth just for him to leave her alone. The moan that left his lips as he pulled out his throbbing cock was embarrassing, croaked and too high to be considered anything remotely sexy. He pulled off his glasses and put them in his shirt, he didn´t want them to fall down on the floor. Zeke spat in his hand, imagining the warm fluid to be yours. But he couldn´t imagine you in such a nasty place. No, he didn´t even imagine undressing and fucking you, not even kissing you. The whole time he was masturbating the scene of you spitting in his mouth was replaying in his head. It was like a prayer. He bucked his hips, immediately setting a fast pace, his thumb playing with his tip. He smeared the pre over his length and rubbed his thumb over his top almost violently. He was desperate for release, it hurt at this point. He was aching. He didn´t jerk off for his own pleasure, he got it from the disgust others regarded him with. And maybe that was just it. He hated himself too. He understood them all too well. He never looked at himself in the mirror with any positivity. No wonder he couldn´t get off just for his own pleasure. Because truly, he didn´t deserve it. He didn´t deserve a goddess spitting in his mouth either but here he was. The luckiest bastard on the planet. His moans sounded louder in the stall as they actually were but at some point he stopped caring, violently rutting into his hand, it almost hurt. But he liked it that way. His orgasm came hard and fast, taking him by surprise. He always came quickly, that was the whole point after all. He only ever jerked off to release tension, but this time he was quite worn out. His wrist was aching, his cum splattering across the wall and dripping down his hand. Zeke bathed in the sensation longer than usual, opening his eyes slowly and exhaling. As he noticed the mess he had made he hurriedly cleaned himself and the wall before dressing again and leaving the bathroom stall. He lingered around the club longer than necessary, watching it empty out and only then leaving too. It was silly but he had hoped that by miracle she would still be there, that he could stare in her beautiful, cold eyes once more.

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sparrow-orion-writes · 2 years ago

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This one I feel could go Soft™ or heartbreaking, I'm curious to find out which it'll be :D

"I’m not gonna keep you by the phone, dear, hang up when you’ve had enough."

Sorry this has sat in my inbox for so long now!

Word Count: 370

Some AriTune for the soul!

Written at 2am whilst sleep deprived and desperate for something to do.

"I'm not going to keep you by the phone dear, hang up when you've had enough."

It was just one of those nights.

His bones ached with that deep vibration of pain that felt as if it were buried inside the fibres of his body, far from where he could heal them. The rain had soaked through his clothes, the day had felt like a million years, and, all in all, Ari was contemplating the nutritional content of an entire bottle of whiskey.

Happiness had never been his strong suit. If it had been he might have learned by now that the alcohol might dull the pain, but it hardly gets rid of it.

The sound of his phone ringing - mere minutes before he'd stepped through the door - only brings him a spike of irritation, frown fixed to his lips as he brings the receiver to his ear. The "yes?" that leaves his tongue is a partially mistaken snap of annoyance, one that causes him to wince the second he hears the voice on the line.

"Firstly, don't talk to me like that," Neptune's voice fills his ears. The anger doesn't leave but the sadness, at least, is soaked up in her sound. "-Secondly, I wanted to know if you were okay, it's 3am and I haven't heard from you."

Ari's anger softens and his frown eases, though reluctantly. He sighs in the struggle to remain annoyed at his peace and drinking habits being disturbed.

"I'm okay," he utters, tone flat in his exhaustion "...just tired."

"That's understandable," though it's a sentence that should sound gentle, he hears the undertones of 'well you're the idiot that finished working at 3am,' and he doesn't blame her at all. "I just wanted to hear your voice, know you got home safe."

"I always get home safe."

"Past experiences are n-"

"-not an indicator of future outcomes, I know, no need to use my own words against me." Her laugh is a melody and a remedy all at once. "Thank you."

"Well, I won't keep you by the phone dear...hang up when you've had enough." Ari shakes his head out of habit, before remembering that he isn't seen by her over the line.

"Just a while longer," he whispers, sitting down and closing his eyes "...I missed the sound of your voice." Not so suddenly in experience, but in realisation, he can't stand the thought of being without her. He hears her smile when she speaks.

"Alright love, why don't you tell me about your day?"

Like a floodgate opening, he does.

#my writing #AriTune #Neon Glow #prompt fill

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mieohmy · 4 years ago

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𝖠𝗍 𝖸𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖲𝖾𝗋𝗏𝗂𝖼𝖾 | 𝖪𝗂𝗆 𝖲𝗎𝗇𝗐𝗈𝗈

PAIRING: kim sunwoo x fem reader

GENRE: fluff, angst, humor, strangers-to-lovers, unrequited love au, dancer!reader, formeridoltrainee!sunwoo

WC: 14.7k

NOTES: drinking+alcohol consumption, slight cursing, tiny hint of sexual harassment, a temporarily sad sunwoo :(

SUMMARY: for years, sunwoo’s harbored a crush on the same girl. even though his feelings are probably unrequited and she has no idea, insert you into the picture: a recently-turned-single person that finds interest in assisting his love quest! well, except for the fact that some feelings (that really shouldn’t be happening) begin to stir..

+ happy valentines day to everyone ^^

Day 11. Of your newly turned single life. You’re not even sure why it’s upsetting. He wasn’t that impressionable and left an unpleasant aftertaste in your mouth. Maybe it wasn’t even him, the way he randomly suggested an end to your several months of life together.

Maybe it was just you.

Nonetheless, drinks are always a way to get rid of all unwanted thoughts, the liquid flowing through your body and numbing all senses. But apparently not enough for you to miss a rising conflict at a couple tables away from yours one night.

You didn’t want to involve yourself in someone else’s business, you affirmed internally, downing another shot. But the increasing noise and tension grab your attention nevertheless.

There’s some guy. Wasted, you can definitely tell. It’s what he attracted that’s causing all the disturbance to your inevitably lonely night.

You’re not really sure what’s going on, but he’s obviously pissing off some other people, and the noise isn’t going down.

Seriously, no one else is gonna do anything?

It’s getting increasingly worse, and once of the guys raises an arm, (probably to incite something violent you don’t want to deal with, but you do anyway) your body takes over your mind and forces you over to the table.

“Excuse me, not to pry or anything, but is there something wrong?” You don’t even know who this horribly drunk guy is, and still, here you are, attempting to save his butt.

Maybe you should’ve used your brain once to actually look and see who you were facing against. The extremely bulky man scoffs, squinting at you.

“And who are you? Another fangirl of his?”

The drunk man suddenly stirs next to you, aggressively pointing at the guy. “Don’t worry about him,” he slurs, “he’s just jealous he doesn’t have anyone that likes him back.”

Muscly guy (you can’t think of any other way to describe him) lets out a loud guffaw, slapping his thigh rather hard. “And what about you? What about that girl you’ve liked since forever? Can’t say anything back now, huh?”

Drunk boy (another great nickname) abruptly stands up, knocking glasses over and making more of a ruckus. You notice he’s super tensed, and his eyes flash something you can’t read.

“Don’t you dare say anything about her.”

“Oooh, the tough boy becomes a softie. It’s sad how-“

It is sad, you think. It’s sad how he never gets to finish his sentence before the supposedly wasted guy launches a solid fist at his face.

And then you’re not sure what really happens next. A lot of chaos that wasn’t settling well for a still somewhat drunk person like you.

Although, you miraculously manage to appease the angered employees and drag the guy with you outside.

“No-just- Sit!” You huff, finally shoving him down onto a bench. You forgot how exhausting it was to take of other drunk people. You have absolutely no clue as to why you’re still helping this guy, but it’s too late to just leave him now, you suppose.

Slumping next to him, you exhale, enjoying the finally peaceful moment. It’s a cold night, but you feel.... warm, buzzing alive. The usual numbness in your body was nowhere to be found.

“Well, aren’t you gonna thank me?”

His head ever so slowly turns to you. “Me? Why would I?” Scoffing, you glance him over.

“You’re such a troublemaker, that I can tell. Maybe I should call you that from now on unless you give me a name?”

The guy starts humming a random tune, eyes closed and basking in the moment. “Sunwoo. Kim Sun. Wooooo.”

You nod, making a note in your head to find a Kim Sunwoo later to pay you back. All of a sudden, you hear sniffles.

Is he- is he crying? But he’s laughing too? What kind of crazy person did I just save...

“Um, are you alright? What’s so funny?”

His head lols toward you.

“Have you ever been in love with someone for years? And they never knew? And then they started dating your ex-best friend, and even after he left, you stayed by their side and never said anything about how you felt?” Until the guy freakin shows back up again after years, and then you feel like the stupidest person ever for not saying anything?”

You blink. “.... I’m sorry?”

“Well, that’s my life right now.”

You think about how you should probably be at home instead of sitting next to a stranger at 3am, but you stay. And listen.

He spills everything. The girl he not so secretly likes. The guy she’s dating. Was, he corrects. Who also was coincidentally his best friend when they were younger. Until said ex-friend went overseas for school. Leaving sunwoo and his crush together all alone. And then ex-friend has to mess it all up by unexpectedly coming back to Korea.

You weren’t asking for the juicy details, but what can you expect for a very much still intoxicated person?

And after the whole story’s done and said, you can only laugh.

“So he came back? From overseas? Without even saying anything in advance?”

“Yup, and now I’m here. Left alone, just like before. Knowing them, she won’t be able to resist his charms, and they’ll probably be back together in a month, give or take.”

He laughs again, a sad bark. “Honestly, I don’t blame her. They’re like soulmates.”

Whistling, you shake your head. “That’s really something, Kim Sunwoo... You’re really something.”

He clumsily stands up, giving you a surprisingly cute smile. “Thanks, stranger. I don’t even know your name.”

Coughing, you stand up as well, ignoring his remark. “Do you have someone to take you home? It’s really late..”

Sunwoo looks around aimlessly before giggling, “I don’t know where my phone is.”

“It’s in your pocket.”

“Oh my god, are you a psychic or something?”

“You took it out a minute ago to show me pictures of your crush.”

“Haha, right.”

Rolling your eyes, you decide to take initiative for once and reach for the phone in his pocket, ignoring his little sound of surprise.

“Wow, you don’t even have a password. Is this Eric guy alright to call? You know what- never mind, I’m just gonna call anyways.”

......

“Hello? Where the heck are you?? It’s freakin almost four and-“

“Excuse me? Is this kim sunwoo’s friend?”

“A GIRL?? wait, you don’t sound like-”

Interrupting him, you explain everything while somehow able to watch over a melancholy sunwoo gaze off into the distance like in a melodramatic movie.

His friend Eric? sends you an address, and you haul sunwoo over.

Once the door opens, you don’t even stay to hear what he says, just leaving sunwoo and trudging your way back home. To finally sleep. To get back to your boring life and forget about Kim sunwoo.

ꔫ

Until you see Sunwoo again. You were surprised to run into him, almost not recognizing who he was.

Thanks to the ice cream you wanted to remind you of the favor Kim Sunwoo totally owed back.

After purchasing your lovely snack, you spin around to leave when you bump into someone.

“Ah- I’m sorry,” you stop. His face.... could it be?

Eyes wide, you tilt your head at him. “Oh- troublemaker.”

He raises an eyebrow at you, confused eyes boring into yours for a solid minute.

“Who? ..wait a second.” You almost laugh as the recognition slowly flickers in his eyes.

Everything in his body screams to run. Sunwoo attempts to sprint as fast as he can away, but he’s extremely shocked at how fast your reflexes are, hand clenched tight on his wrist.

“Wait, are you just gonna try and run away after I helped you?”

Coughing awkwardly, he bows and still tries to get the hell out of there- Eric’s words about some girl and totally wasted resurfacing from his memory.

Your words prevent him from leaving. “How are you and your crush doing?” You say it so casually, it’s almost as if you two are friends.

Sunwoo sighs frustratedly, contemplating before accepting the defeat and beckoning you outside to follow him. He isn’t one to talk to strangers -Sunwoo likes to describe himself as a ‘cold and silent’ type of person. On the other hand, he figured he’s already spilled everything to you while drunk.

But it’s not just that, Sunwoo finds it strangely easy to open up to you. Possibly because from as much as he can recall, you didn’t judge him for having a stupid one-sided crush for the longest time.

Once seated on the curbside comfortably, he starts.

“It’s okay, I guess. I don’t know if she’s met up with him yet, how she’s feeling. Honestly, I have no idea what to do.”

Humming, you open your ice cream with gleaming eyes. Sunwoo doesn’t miss your face, unconsciously smiling but dropping it when you face him with the ice cream positioned at your lips.

“Well.... you said it’s been years, right?” He nods.

“Maybe things have changed. Maybe she doesn’t like him anymore. I mean, how do you know she doesn��t like you back? You’ve been by her side for so long, she might’ve developed feelings- you never know.”

“That’s the thing,” he groans, “I don’t know. I have absolutely no idea if she likes me back or not.”

Tapping your feet in a random beat against the ground, you contemplate.

“... maybe you could test it out.”

“How?” he huffs.

“Hint at it, so she’ll have no choice but to know. Or even better-make her jealous. Flirt with other girls and see how she reacts. It’s quite simple, troublemaker.”

His eyes flick to yours, irritation evident. “Will you stop calling me that? And also tell me who you are if you’re just gonna start giving me love advice? A name?” (On the inside, he’s wondering why he’s making such a fuss over you; someone he’s met a total of one time before this.)

You shrug nonchalantly, enjoying the taste of your savory ice cream. Darn, you should’ve tried this flavor out before...

“Does it matter? After all, I’m the one who saved your ass.”

Sunwoo scowls, even when he was drunk he didn’t remember you being so exasperating without even trying.

“Whatever, I guess I should say thanks for helping me that one night. You won’t tell anyone about this, alright?” He glares.

If you’re trying to be scary, it doesn’t work, -is what you want to say. Instead, you respond with raised eyebrows and a tiny smirk.

“No, I’m not that disrespectful of a person. You would know that the best, wouldn’t you? After I helped you and all?”

He mutters ‘you’re annoying...’ under his breath.

Collecting your things, you brush yourself off and stand up, not bothering to look down at him. “I’m not annoying. I’m y/l/n y/n.”

You miss the disgruntled expression of his face, what a shame.

Taking a couple steps forward, you abruptly stop and turn your head to smile back at him. “Don’t forget, Kim Sunwoo. Be expecting that favor.”

ꔫ

When you offered to get drinks for everyone at the studio, you didn’t think you’d end up carrying four stacks of beverages on top of each other.

Making your way slowly and precisely to the exit, eyes locked on the wobbly coffee tower, a body knocks into you right as the door opens.

You can only watch in slow motion as the tower knocks over, one drink toppling over.

However, you manage to catch that flying drink. Dang, my reflexes are doing great lately.

As for the tower, it’s.... actually saved? By a pair of hands stabilizing the sides. You’re eternally grateful to whoever’s standing behind the tall tower that was able to rescue your precious drinks.

Exhaling in relief, you tilt your body to look past the barrier and thank your savior. It’s a... “Sunwoo?”

“What’s with all the coffees?”

You narrow your eyes. “It’s for my work. Now, if you would excuse me.“

You attempt to push your way past to the exit, but sunwoo lets out a whoa! and reattaches his grip back to your leaning tower of drinks.

“You’re gonna kill someone with these.”

Rolling your eyes, you retort, “It’s all good, so please-“

“Alright, whatever you say, y/n.”

Biting your lip, you slowly turn your body to the door, preparing your hand to let go and quickly push open the door.

Spoiler- it doesn’t work, and you’re left frustrated with sunwoo still watching your struggle for a couple of minutes.

“You know, if you’re just gonna stand there, maybe you could do something more... helpful?”

“Oh? I thought you didn’t need any help.” Sunwoo believes he doesn’t care much about assisting others, but watching you is too amusing.

“Just get over here. Before I start calling you some other nicknames.”

He smirks. “At your service, miss.”

He takes a couple of stacks, relieving your tired arms, and you manage to make it outside, slumping down on a bench.

“Thank you, sunwoo.”

“Does that mean I don’t owe you a favor anymore?”

“Um, no,” you snort, “ that was just you being polite and helping someone else like any other person would.”

He puts his hands on his waist, pretending to think thoughtfully.

“I think that was about, 20? 30? dollars worth of drinks that could’ve been spilled. “If-,” he points with a finger, “I hadn’t saved you.”

Squinting back up at him, you slightly shake your head in annoyance. “Fine. We’re even now.”

He snaps his fingers. “Ah, that’s right. I tried the jealousy thing or whatever you were talking about.”

“And?”

“It doesn’t work,” he deadpans. “She knows I’m not one to flirt with random girls-if anything, it’s the opposite, and I usually reject them.”

You raise an eyebrow, fiddling with your hair. “Okay? Why are you telling me that?”

“I’m meeting her in a couple of days at a restaurant, and I want you to go with us.”

Your face shows no reaction. “We just got even, and you’re asking for another favor, troublemaker?”

Gathering all the drinks, you’re about to leave when he stops you again.

“Wait. I don’t think I explained myself clearly. I want you to tag along, and I can see how she reacts, you know?”

“No, I understand what you mean. And no thank you. You’ve known her since what, high school? And we’ve only met like a couple of times. That’s awkward. I’m gonna be a total third wheel, and it’s the literal worst, so I’m fine.”

He stomps his feet in frustration, making you cough at his sudden cuteness.

“Please. I’m a prideful man and don’t like asking others for favors. So just come and play along with me. I don’t really talk to other girls, so you’re the only way for me to see if she gets jealous or not. Besides, I’m always the one paying for the food in the end.”

He had you at food. You suddenly nod, replying, “Alright, I’ll go. Just text me the place and time.”

He scoffs, “it’s always the food...”

Ignoring him, you make your way back to the studio with your coffee tower before hearing a yell.

“Wait! y/l/n y/n!! I need your number?!!!?”

You stifle a laugh, hearing his quickly approaching footsteps from behind.

ꔫ

He sends you the details the next day, with a winking selfie of himself (that you ignore).

‘i sent u the location of the restaurant’

‘dont forget were still trying to make her jealous’

‘and dress up’

‘the nicer u look the better’

‘not that looks matter that much tho’

‘and also not that i think u look nice or anything either, dont get any ideas’

There’s no option but to leave him on read after his choice of grammar. Just kidding, you send a simple ‘ok’ and don’t think about it until the day comes.

You can’t tell if this is a normal feeling, but your insides feel queasy, palms slightly sweaty like you’re about to perform in front of a huge crowd.

Why do you feel nervous? It’s just meeting the girl that sunwoo has liked for years. That’s all.

Closing your door, you retrieve your phone to check the location he sent you.

Actually, sunwoo asked you to meet him earlier near the restaurant. You’re not sure why, he simply answered, ‘research tings’ you corrected his spelling after.

He stands a couple feet away from you, anxiously tapping his foot.

“Wow, didn’t know you had such an e-boy style.”

He whips around towards the sound of your voice. Sunwoo isn’t sure why he’s surprised, you look quite... pretty nice.

Coughing, he mutters, “I appreciate that you took the time to dress up.”

You duck your head in perhaps, shyness? Glancing at your phone, you remark, “we have five minutes.”

He suddenly jolts, checking his outfit. “Hey, how do I look? Okay? Does it seem like I tried too hard?”

Your eyes flick to him for a split second before looking away. “You look good.”

There’s a pause before he clears his throat. “Is that it?”

You inhale, facing him again. “Yeah. What do you want me to say? Oh, you’re so handsome, and your stylish clothes match your hair perfectly!”

Sunwoo suddenly grins. “Well, if you wanted to call me handsome you could’ve done so earlier.”

While you’re distracted grumbling about him, Sunwoo sneakily captures a shot, the sound making you jump.

“Why.... why did you just take a picture of me?”

He grins, shrugging. “Contact photo.”

Your face suddenly returns back to its normal blank expression, and you take his arm. He’s surprised, looking at you before you mutter, “Is that her?”

You can remember the time drunk sunwoo showed you photos of his crush, but to be honest, you didn’t really pay close attention to her. His eyes glance around before he swallows and nods. “She’s coming over here. And don’t worry, I told her I invited a friend.”

Sunwoo watches as his longtime crush spots him, shooting a wave and a smile. Then he sees her eyes flick down to you, the smile quickly fading as she walks over.

Once she arrives, she takes your hand off his arm, making your eyes widen in astonishment.

“Excuse me- whatever it is you want from him, I don’t think he’s interested.”

“Sunwoo!” she turns toward the boy with her back to you, “where’s your friend?”

You and Sunwoo stare at each other in shock before you raise a hand over your mouth to contain your laughter.

He blinks, looking back down at the girl. His hand slowly raises to point at you. “Right here.”

You weren’t able to notice earlier, but you can tell why sunwoo likes her.

Oh. She’s prettier in person.

She stares at you for a moment before spinning back to him, whispering not so quietly, “since when did you talk to girls that weren’t me?”

Sunwoo rolls his eyes, “That doesn’t matter. This is y/n.”

You give a polite smile, accepting her very quick apology.

ꔫ

“Actually Sunwoo, this is a trendy place to go to now, I wonder how you got a table- I actually came here once before with...... ah, never mind. “

You quietly listen to her talk, following behind as she sits at a table.

Not wanting to make it awkward, you sit across from her, leaving two seats open-one next to you and one next to her.

Also leaving Sunwoo to stop, eyes flicking between the two options.

“Why are you hesitating?” the girl says impatiently, “just sit.”

You glance at him, almost speaking with your eyes, this is a chance.

Sunwoo slides down next to you as you study the girl, waiting for any sign of a reaction.

You do get something. It’s not much, just a curious look at the two of you seated next to each other.

After ordering, Sunwoo chooses the same dish as you.

You smirk. “Ah, of course. My taste in food is excellent.”

He scoffs, “No, I decided I was gonna get this way before you. If anything, I have great taste, and you’re just a copycat.”

Grinning, you retort, “Yeah right, I’m actually a psychic. Sound familiar?”

He groans, bringing a hand to cover his face. You laugh at his misery. “Let’s not bring that backup...”

You turn to the girl, casually sipping her drink as she studies the two of you. But once realizing you’re both looking at her, she shoots up.

“Um-did you say something?”

You can tell. The way he stares at her, the soft smile that appears only when she speaks to him. You honestly don’t understand how she hasn’t figured it out yet - that is if she really doesn’t know.

Deep inside, you think you know the answer. But you don’t want to assume anything just yet-you’ve only reached the opening stages of the plot.

In the end, Sunwoo doesn’t get much. If he’s learned anything, it’s that you’re a much better actor than you seem. The subtle touches, flirting. He knows it’s all for show, though.

But for you, you get much more than sunwoo. A full stomach without having to pay anything. And you got to meet the girl of ‘sunwoo’s dreams’.

She’s nice. Funny. Really pretty. You can see yourself becoming friends with her. All in all, she’s a great person to have a crush on. Except for all the ex-boyfriend stuff.

Before you leave, she speaks up once more.

“I’m kinda upset.” she pouts. You and sunwoo immediately look at each other, waiting for her to continue.

“You never told me you had other female friends. You always said you weren’t interested, I thought you would’ve mentioned it to me or something....”

Awkwardly turning to you, she bows and apologizes once more. “Sorry again, for earlier. It was really nice to meet you. Let’s see each other again, Sunwoo’s other female friend.”

Sunwoo elbows her, “what’s that supposed to mean?” But she only laughs.

You don’t know what he’s thinking, but you remember he mentioned he was gonna hang out with her after this, just the two of them.

Waving bye to them, you suddenly freeze once you spot someone behind sunwoo.

It’s... your ex. Coincidentally in the same location as you. Walking in your direction. Luckily, you don’t think he’s spotted you. Yet.

It shouldn’t bother you as much, but it does.

Sunwoo notices your fallen face. “Y/n??”

He doesn’t know what’s behind him that caused that reaction of yours, but he recognizes that expression anywhere. It’s the same one he probably had on too. Whenever she was with him.

He wraps an arm around your shoulder, turning you the other way so you can’t look. You break out of your trance and stare up at him. “What... what are you doing?”

Sunwoo only stares ahead of him. Then he walks. And you do too.

He walks until you’re outside, away from everyone.

It’s silent, but you gather some confidence to speak up. “Thank you.. what about your friend? Isn’t she still inside?”

“Oh, she’s probably fine waiting. It’s okay. This seemed more important right now anyway.”

That’s the first time your heart fluttered, whether you knew it or not.

ꔫ

After that, you find out sunwoo texts a lot. Well, he texts you a lot. Mostly about girl advice. Which he shouldn’t even be asking you -I mean you’re the one who recently got out of a relationship.

Even if you complain that he’s annoying, you find helping him to be pretty entertaining. Also attacking his texting skills.

Because the rest of your life is just that boring at the moment.

That could be a factor in why you decided to go on a blind date. With some random guy. You weren’t even looking for anything serious, just a night out different from your usual staying in.

But you deeply regret wearing shorter clothes. He wasn’t bad at first. And then came the touching.

It was just a knock of the feet. It seemed like nothing, a mere couple of accidents. And when he moved to sit next to you instead of in front, you should’ve known.

His thigh touching yours, an arm around the back of the seat.

Occasionally you would cough and scoot away, trying any way to send signals of back off.

After his hand brushes your thigh, you sigh. “I’m sorry, but please don’t touch me, while I’m asking nicely.”

He chuckles, moving his arm to hang around your shoulders. “Come on, you agreed to go on this date with me. Might as well have some fun.”

You calmly fling his arm off you, standing up to grab your stuff when he just won’t stop, will he?

“Let go of my hand,” you say calmly.

“Girl, just-“

“She asked you to let go, didn’t she?”

Why is it that he keeps popping up in your life? And it’s not just him alone, he’s with her again. Probably came here together to eat too, you guess.

“Who are you? Her boyfriend? Doesn’t seem like it.”

“Does it matter? She asked you to stop, and you didn’t.”

Sunwoo harshly removes his grip from yours and takes your hand, leading you outside of the place.

You move your hand away from his, but the warmth still remains. Arms crossed, you only look at him blankly. “You know I could've handled it, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, but sometimes guys are really stubborn and need someone to physically beat them up so they listen.”

That causes a tiny smile to surface. “I’m guessing you came with her, right? How’s it going?”

He shrugs, “dunno. She’s been acting okay since the last time we three went to that restaurant.”

You nod thoughtfully. “Well, are you gonna keep her waiting? You can go back in now, I’m going home.”

“What? I’ll take you.”

You frown. “Why do you want to take me home? To find out where I live, stalker?”

Sunwoo scoffs. “First troublemaker and now stalker? And no, I’m just being a gentleman. Now accept my offer before I take it back. I’m not always this kind.”

Huffing, you begin your walk back, leaving him behind.

“Hey-! Wait up!” Once again, sunwoo has no clue why he follows you instead of easily going back to where he should be- originally wanted to be.

The first couple of minutes of the walk are a peaceful silence, basking in the cool night. It doesn’t last for long, because something comes to your head.

“Wait. What about your crush?”

“Why do you keep asking about her? When you’re in more distress? Of course, I’m gonna help you right now.”

“That’s not what I mean... if you’re just trying to make her jealous, you don’t have to walk me all the way.”

I don’t get why you’re here with me, instead of with the girl you like.

Sunwoo stops. “Wait what- Do you really think I would do that?”

Your nod causes him to scoff. “No, I told you before, I’m just being polite. It’s fine. She can wait.”

“You hang out together a lot,” you remark, “you must really like her.”

“Yeah, I just- I think she’s just bored and asks me to go out with her because no one else will... and I always accept.”

“Oh. It seemed like you were the one constantly forcing her to go out with you.”

Sunwoo laughs, if it’s sarcastic or genuine you can’t tell. “You’re funny.”

You take a couple more steps before deciding to break the silence that reformed. “Anyways, aren’t you curious about how we met? That night?”

Frowning, he responds, “that’s right, I don’t exactly remember.”

“To start with, I actually went to that bar because I got broken up with.”

Sunwoo makes a surprised face. “I see...”

“Yeah, and you were there that night. Causing a scene with some bulky guys, and I saved your butt. You talked. A lot. I listened. That was it. Oh, and that day at the mall... it was my ex that I saw.”

He hums thoughtfully. “So that’s who it was....”

Once you reach your doorstep, Sunwoo suddenly breaks out in a dance.

“Niceee- I paid back the favor for making you come with me to that restaurant!”

“That doesn’t count Kim Sunwoo because you came here on your own will. Goodnight.”

Shutting the door in his face, you hear him spluttering from outside. That guy is really something.

ꔫ

Sunwoo finds your requests very weird. Your service is attempting to help him win over his crush, and in return, you only want a simple hangout with his company? It’s strange.

(If he asked you, you would probably just say you were bored and had nothing to do. That’s the only reason. Really.)

One afternoon, he receives a text from you, your contact saved as “annoying y/n”.

‘Let’s get food. That means you’re paying. I’m at my studio right now, so 3?”

‘where r u’

‘i can pick u up’

‘-current address sent-’

One thing he wasn’t expecting from you was a dance studio? And weirdly, he feels a tiny bit guilty for not knowing anything about you, except your name.... and your ex.

Cautiously opening the door, he looks around for any sign of where you could be.

But the place is kinda confusing with all the doors, so he eventually gives up and decides to ask some nearby strangers.

Ignoring their blushes and remarks of his handsomeness, Sunwoo asks, “Do you know where y/l/n y/n is?”

They quickly point at a door before running off, whispering ‘is he their boyfriend or something??’

Sunwoo coolly makes his way over, peeking through the small window.

Another thing he doesn’t expect is how good of a dancer you are. It gives him flashbacks- back when he used to do routines in his old practice room.

He observes the way your limbs move so fluidly but still sharp and exact. Everything just feels so right, in tune with the music. It almost takes his breath away, watching you for who knows how long.

Once the music stops and your tired breaths fill the room does sunwoo finally pop in, clapping and nodding.

“Pretty good, stranger.”

You scrunch your nose. “Is that my nickname now? Not even a little more creative?”

Ah, there it is. “You know, I like you a lot better when you’re dancing, not talking, and being mean to me.”

You blink. “So you like me, huh? That was fast.”

He ignores your comment. “You should be grateful you’re in the presence of Kim sunwoo, alright? Many girls would kill to be you.”

“Not your crush, though? I’m sorry. That was low of me.”

“It was,” he agrees. Falling back onto the ground, he stares up at the ceiling, speaking up.

“How long have you been dancing for?”

The atmosphere feels strangely peaceful. “Since I was young. Just kinda picked it up for fun, and it became a thing. I like it -sometimes it’s exhausting, but I like it.”

His eyes fixate on the blinding lights. “Hmm, this place is reminding me of when I was younger. In high school.”

You join him on the ground, the sound of your breaths can only be heard in the room.

“What do you mean?”

“I used to be an idol trainee. Practiced for a couple of years before quitting.”

You turn your head to look at him. “Impressive. What did you do?”

Sunwoo closes his eyes. “Rapping. Dancing. Singing. A little bit of everything. But mostly rapping.”

“Will you rap something then?”

His eyes flick open. “What? I can’t just rap off the top of my head.”

You pout, “no fun. Well, can you still dance?”

“Maybe..”

You suddenly sit up. “Should we dance something together?”

Your eyes sparkle, the first time sunwoo’s noticed them doing that.

“Just- don’t make fun of me. It’s been years.”

“I won’t.”

“... -guarantee anything.”

Sunwoo’s doesn’t know. What this fleeting feeling in his chest is. When your hands softly correct his position, when you try not to laugh at his mistake. And then your delighted face when he gets it right in the end.

It’s probably nothing, sunwoo thinks. He’s sure, very sure that he’s still in love with his high school crush..

It’s all strange, really.

ꔫ

You would say your life is pretty boring. You didn’t do much until Kim Sunwoo shoved his way in.

Your next meeting occurred a couple weeks after the dance practice incident. It was weird, almost like fate was constantly crossing your paths (maybe they were huhu).

The mart’s automatic doors slide close behind as you walk into the night.

But you stop. There’s some kind of shuffling, commotion coming from the dark alley next to you. So what better than to check it out, right?

It’s almost pitch black, but you’re 99.9% sure some guys are beating someone up. So you yell.

“Hey! What’s going on?”

Thankfully, they don’t try to attack you, instead just running off in the opposite direction after the sound of your voice.

It’s hard to see, but you briskly make your way to the huddled figure on the ground, heart pounding.

“Sir? Sir? Are you alright?” You’re trembling but still manage to gently shake his shoulder.

And when he looks up, you can only gasp.

“Troublemaker?”

“...y/n? Why are you here?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that? Oh my god, are you okay?”

He attempts to sit up, chuckling lowly. “Just got ganged up on. I guess it happens when you mess with the wrong people.”

Your eyes flash. “This isn’t the time to be joking, sunwoo. Where are you hurt?”

He groans, sighing and holding a hand out in front of you. “Just.... don’t. Leave. I can take care of myself, it used to happen all the time.”

You can tell something definitely happened to him, but what exactly is the question.

You scoff, squatting next to him. “Listen Kim Sunwoo,” you speak harshly, “I don’t care how long we’ve known each other. I’m not letting anyone obviously hurt like this alone. If you’re just gonna stay here, then I’ll drag you out myself if I have to.”

There’s a break before you notice he’s slighty shaking. Is he? Is he laughing? What a crazy guy.

“You’re funny,” he chuckles. And then an arm is held out to you.

You take it, pulling him up.

Groaning, you note he’s heavier than you thought. One of his arms hanging on your shoulder, yours around his waist. He’s slightly limping too.

You hold back the urge to scold Sunwoo. What did you do to make yourself come out this bad?

Slowly, you walk over to a bench, but before you make it, you spot a certain someone across the street.

And you think he does too.

You stiffen. He freezes. Biting your lip, you look back at sunwoo, trying to read his face.

“Is that- is that him with her? The ex?”

He nods, eyes never leaving the two, who were probably hanging out together-maybe even going on a date. He has no clue and no wish to find out. The familiar feeling sinks to the bottom of his stomach.

You shake your head, clearing all distractions and eventually making it to the bench where you set him down.

“I need to get medicine. If you leave, I swear I’ll-“

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t think I can anyway.”

But before you run to the store conveniently 10 steps away, you unwrap the soft scarf around your neck, raising it up to his face.

“W-what are you doing?”

“Just trust me,” you say softly, “and put this on. This way, you won’t look at them together, and it’ll be a little easier.”

Gently, you tie the scarf around his eyes.

“Five minutes. I promise I’ll be back.”

ꔫ

Once you return, a bag of medicine in hand, you set it down next to him, causing him to slightly jump.

But a lightbulb flashes in your brain. Quietly tiptoeing in front of him, you aim the camera and shoot.

You laugh at the way sunwoo jumps slightly at the noise, blindly looking around, and you also laugh at the way the photo came out-an unsuspecting Kim sunwoo.

“What was that? Did you just take a picture?”

He can’t see, but you grin cheekily. “Contact photo.”

Squatting in front of him, your warm hands deftly unwrap the scarf blindfold, removing it from his face.

He squints, your concerned face coming into view.

“It wasn’t too bad, right?”

“Delete it.” His reply is curt.

“Why? I needed a photo for you.”

“Delete it or retake it!! It looks bad. I’m literally wearing a blindfold,” he whines, arms weakly attempting to snatch your phone away.

Luckily for you, he isn’t able to move much and steal it. “No,” you respond indignantly, “it’s cute.”

There’s a pause.

You quickly clear your throat, pretending nothing just happened as you rummage through the plastic bag.

Sunwoo feels weird. Having someone caring for him. It was usually him looking after everyone else- his mother, sister. He can’t remember the last time someone else took care of him.

You take out a box, screwing the cap off the bottle.

“They’re gone now. You don’t have to worry anymore.”

“What?”

You stare at him again. “Your crush? And her ex?”

He shifts. “Oh, right.”

Humming, you examine him again. “I’m not a professional, but I’ll try my best..”

Sunwoo sighs once more. “As I said, I don’t know why you’re doing this-“

You cut him off. “Just be quiet, will you?”

After putting ointment on his bruised face, you shuffle through the bad to find another tube, letting out an aha! when you retrieve it.

When you lean in super close to his face, sunwoo tries his best not to turn red. He blames it on the weather.. even though the temperatures were freezing today.

“Why are you helping me?” he mumbles. Sunwoo attempts to avoid looking you in the eye -he doesn’t want to know what’ll happen if he does.

It’s silent for a little bit as you concentrate on all the minor scratches and bruises on his face. Focusing on the cut on his lip, you whisper, “you’re such a troublemaker, aren’t you?”

Offended, he jerks away from you. You return it with a glare and a hand on his chin to hold his face still.

“You can’t even deny it. Now stay still.”

His heart flutters at your delicate hold on his face, soft and focused gaze. Why are you like this?

After a couple more treatments and unusual thumpings in his chest, sunwoo is free to go.

You’re satisfied with your work. “ I would help you home, but I’m tired so call someone or whatever.”

Pausing, you add, “and that’s another favor from you, Kim Sunwoo.”

He rolls his eyes but can’t help thinking of the next time you’ll call for him. He goes home feeling warmer than he remembered, the ghost of your touch still lingering in his dreams.

ꔫ

It’s actually not as boring as one might expect to go to a restaurant alone, in your opinion.

No effort has to be made to communicate to someone else, no worrying about if there’s food stuck in your teeth. No worrying about anyone else but yourself.

So that’s why you alone find your way to the entrance of a nice place- it had almost a five-star rating online.

The waiter seems a bit surprised you’re here by yourself, but you shrug it off. Who cares- you came for the food anyways.

Following the server past other tables and chairs, you abruptly get stopped when a chair pushes out, blocking your way.

The guy seems to notice you then, getting out of his seat and apologizing.

“Whoops, my bad.”

He looks somewhat familiar.

“Oh! Aren’t you-“

“Sunwoo’s friend Eric, right?”

“Y/n???”

You can recognize that voice anywhere. It’s almost making you frustrated. “Again you?”

Spinning around, you didn’t imagine a whole table of eyes locked onto you.

You hear whispers of who’s y/n?, and spot a startled Sunwoo standing up from his seat.

“What are you doing here?”

It makes you suddenly shy, standing in front of all these guys that you suppose are his friends? There’s quite a lot of them all together at one table...

Fidgeting with the ends of your hair again-sunwoo notices this time-you hesitantly speak.

“I came here to eat. Because it’s a restaurant. What-um, what about you?”

Sunwoo gestures at the group. “I’m having dinner with my friends. You know Eric, he’s my roommate.”

Nodding slowly, you just wish to get away, having no idea what happened to your waiter.

And then Eric has to make your night a lot more- let’s just say, stimulating.

“Wait! You can join us at our table!” Eric grins. “It’ll be nice to know who’s been stealing sunwoo away from us.”

Your eye twitches. Who what now?

And the other guys around seem to think the same thought, immediately asking nearby servers for an extra chair.

You don’t move. This could be your death wish for all you know.

And still, you end up sitting squished between Sunwoo and another friend named Newt? New? Who cares.

Half the boys launch an investigation, questioning you with ‘how did you manage to get sunwoo’s attention?’, ‘how did you manage to seduce him?’

Truly an exciting night.

“Guys, for the last time, stop interrogating the shit out of y/n.”

It quickly becomes stuffy, being wedged between twelve boys sharing one small table. How do they do it? Getting up, you mutter an excuse, something along the lines of ‘I need to use the restroom’ and escape the damned table.

Once you’re out of ear's reach, Kevin makes his move, wiggling his eyebrows at sunwoo.

“So..... you and y/n now? What happened to your other crush?”

He rolls his eyes, sipping on his drink. “Like I said, we’ve got nothing going on. I don’t like them like that.”

Eric snorts. “Nah, you like her.”

Sunwoo raises a fist threateningly at him, but Haknyeon’s pat on his shoulder stops him. “I’m happy for you. It’s been so long, everyone’s glad to see you finally moved on.”

He isn’t really sure what to say back. Luckily you return to squeeze between everyone, making the conversation change to a more appropriate topic.

You notice sunwoo’s thoughtful expression. “What’s up?”

“Uh, it’s nothing..” A sudden ringing from his pocket catches your attention.

“Oh, sorry guys. My mom’s calling. Gimme a sec.”

Your eyes follow sunwoo as he steps outside for who knows how long.

“Y/n?”

Your head whips back to the group.

“Yes?”

You think Jacob’s the one who called your name. “Thank you.”

“For what?” You frown.

“Being there for Sunwoo, of course. I’m guessing you probably heard about the girl he used to crush on for ages. She was really important to him, probably still is.”

“Actually, I don’t know much about their past together, ” you reply, eyes focusing on the exit door where sunwoo left through.

Jacob sighs, clearing his throat. “It’s a long story. Sunwoo used to be a bad student in high school.”

You aren’t surprised, gesturing for him to continue.

“Skipped school, failed tests, got in a lot of fights. But it was all for his mom. She was sick, and sunwoo was out doing jobs to make money and support the family. His dad's been gone for a while...”

You stay silent.

“But she was the one who helped him out of it, changed him. That’s how you met the Sunwoo we know today. Even if it was only friendly intentions, I think that was why Sunwoo was so stuck on her. Except when she started dating this other guy, I don’t know why he stayed by her side without making a move for so long.”

There’s a brief moment for everything to sink in.

“He’s scared,” you speak up. Jacob watches you with raised eyebrows.

“He’s scared that she’ll reject him, and he would lose her as a friend.”

Jacob laughs, causing you to tilt your head in confusion.

“But not with you, y/n. You’re special. He seems so different around you. Sunwoo’s liked the same girl for so long, he probably didn’t know how to act around a new person he found interest in -especially one like you who compliments him so well.”

You choke. “Compliment him??” No way.

He nods eagerly, “I’ve never seen sunwoo so-“

“Never seen me so what?”

Your head jerks toward the sound of said person’s voice.

“Never seen you so drunk,” you retort.

Sunwoo squints down at you, keeping a mental picture of your innocent stare looking back up at him in his mind.

While everyone orders, you whisper to sunwoo.

“Are you gonna steal my order this time too?”

He recoils before shooting a glare back.

“No,” he says indignantly, “I’m getting something way better than yours. And if yours is good, then I’ll just steal some.”

You raise your fork up as a threat. “If you even look anywhere near my plate, I’ll make sure you won’t get to eat.”

As you two engage in a fierce staring contest, the rest of the boys watch on, sharing knowing looks.

ꔫ

The food’s good. No wonder they like to come here.

Your attention is taken away by a gasping Sunwoo, mouth open you think in an attempt to cool his burning tongue.

You glance at him, unimpressed. “You have food all over your mouth.”

“What?” he rasps back, huffing and puffing air.

“Idiot,” you reply, throwing a napkin at his face.

“Ow,” he whines.

“I think it stabbed me in the eye.”

“The napkin???”

“Yes, you threw it into my face! It totally cut my eyeball.”

You scoff, turning towards him. “You’re so dramatic.”

“I’m serious! It hurts,” sunwoo complains, “can you look at it?”

You’re sure it’s perfectly fine because he’s holding his eye wide open right in front of you, but just to appease him, you lean in closer to examine his face.

Squinting, you mutter, “Seriously sunwoo, I don’t see any sort of-“

Click!

Both of your heads whip toward the sound. Changmin? giggles evilly, eyes focused on the screen in front of him.

Sunwoo groans again, but he’s cut off.

“Yah, don’t get all worked up. I’ll send the picture to you later, no need to worry!”

You’ve given up at this point. Sunwoo has too.

When the torturous dinner finally comes to an end, you were exhausted. This was supposed to be some enjoyable alone time at a great restaurant with great food and definitely no sunwoo, but life doesn’t like you.

At least his friends were super cool. You found yourself getting along quite nicely with them.

And you also got more insight into sunwoo’s past. It was odd to hear about his past self. It makes you think about your life, what you’ve been doing all this time...

“I can take you home,” sunwoo offers.

“No-!” You quickly respond. “Sorry, I’ve had enough of people. Not you specifically, just people in general.”

He shrugs, “whatever suits you.”

And you’re left alone with thoughts. And unknown feelings. About him.

ꔫ

Melon or banana?

The grocery mart just has too many flavors to choose from, and you don’t have enough freezer space to buy it all.

Humming happily, you place your selected choice into the cart, continuing forward.

When you turn, a mother and son come into view, their back’s facing you as they shop together. It makes you smile at the cute view.

As you stroll past them, you freeze. No way. That voice?

Right as you stopped, the lady turns her shopping cart absentmindedly, causing it to knock into yours with a clang.

“Oh my! Goodness, I’m sorry about that.”

“Mom! Watch where you’re pushing the cart. You know what, just let me do it. It’s getting heavy.”

He turns to you. “Sorry again... you!??!”

You awkwardly turn towards them, failing to muster a smile.

His mom looks between the two of you before a delighted smile appears.

“You know her, sunwoo?” He nods reluctantly.

“And she’s a girl???” she says suggestively to sunwoo, elbowing him hard in the ribs. It takes everything in him to hold back a wince- still not having completely recovered yet from the last time you saw him.

She eagerly holds her hand out to you, and you quickly take it, bowing.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Kim.”

She guffaws in the middle of the aisle, one arm on Sunwoo to balance herself in the middle of her excitement.

“What a kind and polite girl!”

“Sunwoo,” she mutters, “you found an even better one!”

He can’t even muster any sort of response.

Sunwoo tries, he really does, taking her arm and forcing her to continue on, whispering fiercely to just leave!!

But his mom is a fighter -a good one. She yanks his grip off her, threatening him harshly before turning back to you with a lovely smile.

The duality though, you think.

His mom suddenly gasps, making sunwoo brace himself, sighing ‘what now...’

“Y/n! Is it okay if I call you that?” You nod.

Clapping her hands together, she says excitedly, “You should come over to our house!”

Sunwoo protests at the speed of light, but she shuts him up with a hand.

“We were buying ingredients to cook dinner tonight! You should join us!! That is if you’re not busy??” Her eyes sparkle.

From behind her, you watch a frantic sunwoo do everything in his power for you to decline.

Unfortunately for him, you have absolutely no plans for tonight.

“I would love to, Mrs. Kim.”

Sunwoo thinks his soul has officially left his body.

His mom laughs bashfully, taking your hand and going off together deeper into the store, deeper into sunwoo’s pain.

It was pretty early on you decided that you really liked his mother. Or, auntie, as she forced you to call her.

And it’s quite obvious she loves you too, much to sunwoo’s shock and disgust.

ꔫ

She opens the door to their apartment, ushering you in.

It’s quite a nice place, a small and lovely house.

“Your home is really beautiful, Mrs- um-auntie.”

Sunwoo’s mother laughs again, placing a hand over her chest.

“You are such a sweet girl. Sunwoo will show you around while I prepare the food!” she finishes with a glare in his direction.

Perking up, you glance around. “Where’s your room?”

Sunwoo gives up, sighing and beckoning you to follow him. He guides you down a hallway, past two doors to the end where a final door stands -you’re guessing that it opens to his room.

“What are the other two doors?”

“Bathroom, and my sister's room.”

You raise your eyebrows. “You have a sister?” He nods, “younger.”

Opening the door, you’re shocked at the neatness. It’s a nice and simple room.

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting such a clean room.”

He snorts in response, slumping down into a chair.

Finally alone, you start your attack. “Troublemaker?”

He grunts.

“How come I didn’t know you weren’t such a troublemaker with your mother? You literally turn into a softie next to her.”

“Whatever. I’m not always the best person, but I’m a good son,” he snaps.

You may be teasing him, but on the inside, you soften at how well he takes care of his mother. He must’ve had a hard time working for the family since he was young...

You glance around before your eyes focus on a giant bag of.... juices??

“What,” you start, “What are these?”

“Oh,” he looks in your direction. “Vitamin juices. It has a lot of health benefits.”

You’re suddenly quiet, your voice low. “Kim sunwoo.... collects and hoards juice?”

He moves, uncomfortable at the sudden change of tone. “Yeah??”

And that for some reason that causes you to lose it. A hand clamped over your mouth, you almost can’t even support your own legs as giggles erupt from your body.

Sunwoo thinks it lasts for a much longer time than it should have.

“Why is it so funny to you that I like to drink juice -healthy juice that’s good for you?”

You have no idea, instead just collapsing onto his bed and rolling over in a fit of laughter.

The only thing he can do is unknowingly smile at your shaking figure and flushed face.

It takes a couple more minutes before you finally calm down, letting out a satisfied smile.

“Your bed’s comfy.”

“Yeah, so maybe you should get off it before it becomes uncomfy.”

You ignore him, does that sentence even make sense?

The photos on his wall catch your attention. You suddenly sit up, carefully taking one off that caught your eye.

“Is this you and her? Wait- that’s what you looked like in high school?”

You save a mental image of young sunwoo in your head. This could be great blackmail...

He hisses at your comments, reaching over and trying to snatch it away.

“Stop looking at my old photos-!”

Laughing delightedly, you avoid his grabby hands, holding the photo as far away as you can.

Sunwoo growls, reaching as far over you as he can to take it back.

“Aha!” he yells triumphantly once his fingers make contact with the picture. But sadly for him, he loses his balance over the bed and falls.

On top of you.

His hand fortunately catches him, planting softly right by your head.

The sound of your laughter is cut short, and you can only stare up at him.

Your breath hitches at the close proximity, noticing his legs on either side of yours. Did your heart just skip a beat?

And the fact that he’s just staring down at you so you’re trapped doesn’t help at all.

“Hey, sunwoo! Mom wants you to-“

Both of your heads turn toward the voice.

“.... is that Y/n?”

“Sis?”

Sunwoo’s sister blinks, staring at the position you both were in. “Well then.” She simply closes the door behind her.

“Wait no. It’s not-“ you give up in the middle of speaking.

There’s an awkward silence-you could almost hear the crows cawing in the background.

“So are you gonna get off me or?”

Sunwoo snaps out of his daze. “Right, yeah, sorry.” He wordlessly moves off to sit next to you on the bed.

Coughing, you stare at the ground. “So she’s your-?”

“Yep. My little sister.”

“But,” he frowns, “how did she know your name?”

“Because we know each other?”

He glances at you. “Huh? How?”

You only shrug suspiciously. “Secret. But I didn’t know you two were related...”

Sunwoo makes a face, confused, but the noise outside gets your attention.

“Dinner’s ready!! Come eat!!” his mother’s shout echoes through the walls.

ꔫ

“You’re so lucky to have a mother to cook such good food for you.”

Sunwoo looks down at his bowl. “Yeah, I know.”

His mother smiles at you, asking curiously, “what about your family, y/n?”

You swallow before speaking. “Oh, they live farther away. I came here to dance, so I don’t really see them often.”

She gasps. “You poor thing, living out here all alone. Come over whenever you want, okay?”

Sunwoo opens his mouth to respond but decides to just close it. You smile and nod gratefully, feeling a lot more at ease.

When you finally finish eating, sunwoo’s eager to guide you out -even though you disregard his attempts so you can charm his mother even more.

The number of times during the dinner his mother has hinted at the two of you being a couple and the number of times sunwoo has denied that there was anything at all were too many to count.

And then he eventually gets you to leave, shutting the door close once and for all.

Sunwoo almost collapses, making exaggerated sounds of exhaustion and relief.

He sprawls out on the living room floor, completely tuning out his mother’s complaints about his manners and whatnot.

But as he lays there, he can only think about his heart. Why does it do that? Whenever you look at his mom with such tender eyes. When you’re acting so kind and respectful, but still being yourself. Eyes crinkling when someone says anything remotely funny.

Why does his heart stir so much when you spare even a glance at him?

ꔫ

After that, you get extremely busy. Upcoming dance competitions and events take up most of your day.

That leads to barely any rest for you since you’re constantly in and out of the studio, practicing, practicing, and more practicing.

You’d be lucky to even get 4 hours of sleep a day.

But the one night you can finally close your eyes for maybe a solid 5 or 6 hours, (you were so excited you even leaped into bed) your fucking phone rings.

You want to kill whoever is calling you at a deathly time. It was only 1 am, but your sleep is too precious.

At first, you ignore it. But it rings a freakin second time, and now you’re unable to fall back asleep.

Biting your lip harshly, you angrily grab your phone, turning it on to see-

three missed calls from sunwoo?

It’s been a while since you’ve seen him, so you have no idea why he’s calling you and wasting your hard-earned rest.

The phone rings again. Your brain can barely function, but you manage to accept the call.

“What the fuck do you want? My beauty sleep-“

“Are... are you busy?” His voice is quiet, maybe too quiet.

You want to slap him through the phone but alternately just let out a strained huff. “Does it seem-“ but you don’t finish.

Something didn’t seem right. You’re fully awake now.

“Sunwoo? What’s going on?”

There’s a pause before his voice comes through again.

“Can I see you? I’m actually out near your place.”

It takes five minutes for you to get out of bed, throw on a jacket and close the door behind you.

Head whipping from side to side, you search around.

Your palms start to get sweaty even though the night was frigid, cold wind blowing past.

Where is he? His voice....felt off. You could sense it even through the phone.

Briskly walking, you keep looking until you spot him.

Well, Sunwoo was right. He was sitting down alone at a park about 5 minutes away from your apartment.

Your anger rises again as you approach him.

“What the fuck is going on?“

Your feet slow as your voice lowers to a whisper.

“What....what’s wrong?”

You rush over to him, forgetting everything and cupping his face in your warm hands.

Sunwoo looks at you, his red and watery eyes void of any emotion. How long has he been out here?

“Kim sunwoo, you-“

He cuts you off.

“Why does she not like me back?” His voice is soft, shaky. It’s like he doesn’t have enough strength to say it any louder.

Your breath gets caught in your throat, and you swallow. Your mind races, seeking any words to make a sentence, just to say anything.

“Is there something wrong with me? Did I-can she just look at me for once?” his voice cracks. You watch as the tears slowly trickle down his cold cheeks.

His voice lowers to a whisper. “I’ve been her friend for so long, and she never noticed me and all the things I did for her. I waited, and it was too late. Y/n, I tried. I really tried.”

You can hear the cracking of his heart.

When the sobs start, you only hold your breath and wrap your arms around him. You let sunwoo cry into you, even when you so desperately want to cry for him too.

Shutting your eyes, you rub his back comfortingly.

It feels like it’s been an hour. Or a couple, who knows.

And when the cries ultimately slow, you slowly move back, cautiously glancing at him. His swollen eyes and red nose cause your chest to tighten.

You speak in a hushed tone, almost afraid to speak louder as if it’ll make him break.

“How do you feel?”

He laughs a small but painful sound. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have called you out at this time. I can tell you’re exhausted. Just leave and get some sleep.”

You’re frustrated. You don’t want to be, especially not right now, but the feeling crawls all over you, uncomfortable and itchy.

You stand up, staring into him with fierce eyes. “Stop worrying about me. Stop worrying about others. You always look out for everyone else but yourself. Can’t you see that you’re hurting, and I just want to help?”

You regret saying that almost immediately, sinking down onto the bench next to him. The only sound is his occasional sniffles and coughs.

Sunwoo’s shocked. But he tries not to show it.

Instead, he stares at the trees. The streetlights. And eventually you.

“You’re right.” You jump slightly when he speaks up.

“As usual,” he chuckles.

“So thank you for coming here. I don’t know what was going on with me. I think I was just going through a lot and needed to let it out.”

You’re still not looking at him, but your hand inches over slowly to cover his. Surprisingly, he accepts the warmth.

No words are exchanged, but it’s enough. A silent apology. A silent sense of comfort.

A bout of laughter across the street gets your attention. It’s just an annoying couple, you think.

But... it’s not just any annoying couple. No. Are you serious?

Their voices fly over the wind, going in one ear and out the other. “Wait a second. Is that sunwoo over there?”

He tenses, eyes frantically looking at you. You immediately understand.

It’s happened many times to you- how embarrassing and humiliating it is to get caught crying. Even when crying is supposed to be a normal and natural thing. And then comes the hilarious made-up explanation behind the whole waterworks.

You can’t imagine how it must be for sunwoo.

The sound of their footsteps come closer.

You scoot closer to him.

Thump.

Your hand slowly reaches out. He doesn’t move, almost as if entranced by your actions.

Thump.

Sunwoo watches, confused as your hand guides his head, burying him into your shoulder and efficiently blocking anyone’s view of his crying face.

Thump.

“Pretend to be asleep,” you murmur.

He closes his eyes, inhaling your familiar scent.

“Oh! It’s you again!”

You smile awkwardly at sunwoo’s crush, even though you kinda want to scream at her for causing him so much pain.

Then your gaze shifts to him. You’ve never seen her ex before, only hearing stories from sunwoo. So this is him...

“Hello. I’m afraid we’ve never met before? You seem close to sunwoo.”

“Oh, my name is y/l/n y/n. I’ve heard a lot about you. Why... why are you two out so late?”

They exchange looks. “We were just hanging out, and lost track of time, haha. You know...” she laughs. “And you two? I see he’s asleep. Sunwoo was always sleeping in class..”

You feel him just barely move.

You grimace and give a small smile. “Ha, sunwoo here was drinking and fell asleep. That reminds me, I should probably get him home. It’s late, so you guys should go too.”

You don’t know, but they see the loving way you look down at sunwoo, pretending to shake him awake to leave.

When he only groans in response, you curse him. What a sneaky little.....

Biting the inside of your cheek, you can barely haul sunwoo up, placing his arm around your shoulder. Didn’t know you were so good at acting, troublemaker.

They move to help you, but you quickly and aggressively protest, groaning as you weakly step forward.

“Well,” you barely get out, “it was nice to meet you. Maybe we can meet again under better circumstances,” you wheeze.

Once you make sure they’re out of sight, you drop him onto the ground, gasping for air.

“You couldn’t have even helped a little?”

His still red eyes and small pout make you soften.

“Come on, I’ll walk you home.”

His voice is quiet but still teasing. “Why? So you can find out where I live, stalker?”

You roll your eyes. “Okay. I’m going then.”

“Wait.” He grabs your wrist. “That was a joke. I want you to take me.”

You fight against the ends of your mouth that want to curl up. “Fine... only since I don’t want you running into them again.”

When he randomly takes your hand, enlacing your fingers together, you keep silent. It stays like the for the whole walk, peaceful and tranquil. It makes you think of that time he offered to walk you home from that creepy date. How different it seems now...

Once you arrive, he lets go of your hand normally like he always does it or something. But you still miss the snugness.

“How you’re gonna get home?”

“Walk. Why? You know I can take care of myself.”

He smiles, the first one you’ve seen today. “Yeah. I know.”

Before you leave, you inhale. “Cheer up, alright? It makes me feel weird, seeing you so down. Get some sleep, trouble.”

After making sure he gets in safely, welcomed by a worried eric, you start the cold and lonely journey home.

ꔫ

Once you finally arrive, truly exhausted from the night’s(day’s?) events, you lay in bed and contemplate.

Why does your heart hurt so much for him?

Why do you even care?

You take out your phone, opening it to sunwoo’s profile photo, the cute pout on his face along with your scarf blindfolding his eyes makes you smile.

It takes a little bit of thinking-staring at the ceiling and searching your brain for possibly hours, but the answer finally appears. Even when you don’t want it, trying to push the thought out and bury it so deep you can’t breathe, it echoes in your brain, loud and clear.

How?

No, this isn’t possible. He-I’ve known him for less than a year.

I... I can’t.

You feel suffocated underneath the blankets, doing anything to stop the flow of your thoughts, feelings.

The one thing you can do is force yourself to pass out, to escape the hurricane of emotions.

ꔫ

And just like that, you disappear from sunwoo’s life. For a couple of weeks. It was, sadly to report, very much boring and bleak.

It was harder than you realized. To shut someone out. Someone like him.

Luckily, your upcoming dance performances took most of your day, so the only time he was able to sneak into your mind was during the dark of nights and the peak of dawn.

First, it was ignoring the messages. You wondered how people could simply ghost someone else so easily.

But you had to. Because you knew he liked someone else. Because you shouldn’t be like this, whatever this is, with him.

You did it for yourself. And him. Even when everything about him was confusing.

Kim sunwoo was a troublemaker. One you met months ago with a strong one-sided crush. And you wanted to help him win her heart.

Now, you couldn’t even look at Sunwoo. You didn’t want to, not wishing to know what would happen if you looked into his eyes. What words would spill out of your mouth, words you didn’t even know the truth to yet.

Second was avoiding him at any cost. Especially when he came to your dance studio, obviously looking for you and only you. (it was a whole mess sneaking out from his sight)

And once again, fate loves to mix things up and make you spot sunwoo with his crush down the street. Holding hands.

You go home with mixed emotions and a missing appetite.

The sad thing is, you can’t tell if you miss him or not.

ꔫ

One evening, just as colorless as the nights before, you go out for a walk.

You always went later than most to avoid human contact with others. But fate plays a trick again, so you’re not alone this time.

“I found you.”

Your feet come to a halt. Or maybe it wasn’t fate this time...

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you, sunwoo.” Funny how you suddenly have the urge to run away after saying that.

He looks tired, stressed-like he can’t find the answer to any of his homework questions (but you know he probably didn’t even do his homework in school).

“So ignoring my calls and texts aren’t considered avoiding? And running away whenever you see me in person too?”

You mess with the ends of your hair. “Why were you looking for me?”

Sunwoo sighs and starts walking, you know he’s waiting for you to join. Hesitating, you finally move to his side, deciding to stare at the ground -your feet, his feet, anywhere but him.

“I came to tell you something,” He starts.

You gulp, nodding for him to say it.

“I confessed to my crush. She was... really surprised. But I still asked her to give me a chance, to please think of me as a guy and not a friend. Just three dates with me. And then she could see how she felt at the end.”

Why do you suddenly want to vomit?

You find looking anywhere but at sunwoo or near his direction comfortable. The amount of effort it took for you to find your voice was funny. “Oh. Good for you.” (unlike your tone that doesn’t sound too pleased)

“...How was it? Did she decide to return your feelings back in the end?”

“No. We never finished all three. After the second, I realized it was a waste of time and quit.”

He stops walking, making you stop as well.

This man messes with your mind too much. You snort. “What are you talking about? How could it be a waste of time when you finally got to go on a true date with your crush since high school, sunwoo?”

“Because I kept thinking of something else. Someone else.”

You’re extremely confused, not able to comprehend anything. Sunwoo suddenly looks at you with such conviction you almost take a step back.

“Is... there something wrong?”

“I wished it was you, instead. Instead of her next to me. Even on the very first date, I was only thinking of you.”

Your brain -it just doesn’t work anymore. You’re looking at him, standing in front of you -but somehow you still can’t see him. What?

“I like you, y/n.”

Your mind is reeling, adrenaline rising.

No, he’s confessing to the wrong person.

Is this a good or bad feeling? I don’t know...

Sunwoo doesn’t notice your reaction, too shy and focusing on the trees instead of your face.

“I realized it when we stopped meeting. That I missed your company .”

Your voice is quiet. “Suddenly?”

He scratches the back of his neck. “Yes, but you’ve always been in my head. I just didn’t want to admit it because she was in there for so long. I didn’t want to give her up, and I didn’t want to move on. But then I met you, and suddenly I wasn’t missing her so much.”

You swallow, preparing to say something in return, but sunwoo quickly speaks up a second time, hand on his chest.

“But-! Uh, you’re not a replacement for her. It’s different. How I feel. I really do like you.”

Sunwoo doesn’t know how you snuck your way into his heart, letting him breathe fresh air and become anew. He’s only ever liked one person for so long -kept space for only her deep in his heart, that’s why he couldn’t figure out it was you who stole it.

He repeats the confession, this time sounding more confident and assertive.

When you don’t say anything back, he begins panicking. Was I wrong? Did I only assume-?

“Sunwoo,” you start, looking at him uncertainly.

“Don’t get me wrong, I think I could like you too..”

Sunwoo doesn’t get his hopes up just yet, waiting for the catch. There’s always one.

“But maybe we should wait. Give each other a little space and time apart, I mean. For you to completely get over her and for me to figure and sort everything out. I think that would be best for us,” you finish in a whisper.

You’re scared. At his reaction -his current thoughts.

“Okay.”

You quickly look up at him, startled.

There’s a strange easy and light smile on his face. “I get it. I’ll wait for you. I’ve done a lot of waiting, so I can do it for a little more.”

Your heart almost breaks when he says that, but you know it’s for the best.

Just give me some time, please.

ꔫ

When you said a little space, you didn’t mean two days.

And you sure weren’t expecting him to show up at your dance studio.

“Sunwoo? What are you doing here???”

“Ah, well, l thought we could just walk home together. I-I’ll walk you home, I mean..”

Your whole body aches, and you feel a tiny bit annoyed, but you still can’t find it in your heart to reject him. And so sunwoo takes you back home.

After that day, he would go almost everytime to pick you up whenever you had dance practice. Sometimes you would go with him, and sometimes you wouldn’t. (but 98% of the time you couldn’t reject him). Maybe you felt a little bad, but sunwoo seemed so happy and excited whenever he saw you, you just couldn’t not go with him.

You still had plenty of moments apart. Sunwoo would only ever walk you home and chat, the occasional grabbing food and drinks on the way back. (You didn’t consider them big enough to be dates-not yet, at least.)

Every time he would wait and stand in the waiting room, a bunch of the other dancers would be either fangirling over him or teasing you two whenever you came out to meet him.

You totally did not feel that wave of jealousy after seeing all of the staring girls. But you were very satisfied to see the looks on their faces when sunwoo would ignore them and go straight to you.

And you won’t lie -it felt nice. To have sunwoo waiting for you every day, even though you could reject him at any moment.

You would never.

Even though technically you two were on a ‘break that wasn’t really considered a break’, your time alone was mostly taken up by the upcoming dance show.

It was just a little showcase. But of course, sunwoo insisted on going.

You were the most nervous you’ve ever been -the most nervous sunwoo had ever seen you. It had been a while since you last performed, and for some reason, you felt so different preparing this time around, which is why you basically lived at the studio for a month.

The day of the show finally arrives, and you want to pull your own hair out. Sunwoo was only able to see you briefly before you were dragged along to rehearsals, and in that short time, he shot you a thumbs up, and you sent a small, extremely nervous smile back.

When your name was called, and you walked onto the stage, heart almost bursting out of your chest, somehow you were able to find sunwoo in the crowd.

It lasted for a second, but you were able to capture his excited but still reassuring eyes cheering you on, the clapping and yells coming from his mouth.

And that’s how you were able to perform beautifully, dance to the greatest extent. The feeling of fulfillment when you finished along with the immediate applause and sunwoo’s loud hollers sparked something inside.

That could be why you didn’t care. Didn’t care about jumping off the stage and running over to sunwoo, the shocked look on his face making you laugh.

But he still holds his arms out, and you basically fly into them.

Sunwoo lets out a grunt, holding you tight as you laugh and bury your face into his shoulder.

He pulls back, eyes sparkling. “You did amazing. I’m so proud of you.”

You're unable to form any words back, only able to stare into his eyes.

His face is a lot closer than you realized...

You can feel your heartrate rising again.

Sunwoo leans in, you think? and your eyes close even though you’re not sure what’s even going on.

“Y/n!!! Great job!!”

You snap out of your daze, turning around to see who it was.

Sunwoo curses the random guy -he thinks it’s the director of the show or whatever. He doesn’t care at all for the person that rudely interrupted your moment together.

And when you follow the director after, totally distracted with the aftermath of the show and leaving sunwoo behind, he can only pout.

Maybe next time...

ꔫ

You finally got to sleep. Properly. The show left in the back of your head, set there as a significant memory to stay forever.

After you start getting back into the groove of normal dance practices, Sunwoo comes to pick you up as usual.

But today was not a usual day.

“Sorry Sunwoo, I have someone to meet today. Maybe Thursday?”

You frown at his obviously fallen face. Hopping in front of him, you pout cutely.

“Don’t be sad, I’ll see you soon. And we can get food too!”

He stands there, frozen.

Checking the time, you realize ‘shit-you’re gonna be late.’

“Bye, sunwoo. Don’t forget Thursday!!” You wave goodbye, running along.

Sunwoo gives five minutes to compose himself. Even though he desperately wants to fall on the ground and roll in agony from what you did to his heart, he simply breathes in, out.

He’s for sure disappointed he isn’t able to walk you home, but after that cute act.... sunwoo thinks he can let it go. Only for today.

The mysterious place you were supposed to be at was a cafe. (a nice one with also great reviews online.) You run in, lighting up when you spot the person you invited out.

“Hi! How have you been?”

You offer a small smile. “Doing well. And you?

Sunwoo’s- well, you suppose former crush now- beams. “Good! What about sunwoo? I-uh, haven’t seen him recently.” The knowing look in her eye makes you nervously laugh.

“He’s fine too. I didn’t tell him about our meeting today. Did you?”

“Oh, no- don’t worry. It’s a secret between us!”

You’re pleased, but the reason you asked to meet was not for small talk.

“Well, I’m not sure if you know the reason I asked you out here..”

She nods, waiting.

“But basically, I knew about Sunwoo’s longtime crush on you. The funny thing is, I was actually trying to help him win you over... but that obviously did not happen.”

She bursts out laughing, and eventually, you join in too.

“Wow, I’m sorry,” her tone turns more serious.

“But yeah. I was... really shocked, to say the least. That he liked me. I honestly never thought of him like that, and I’m guessing you know about the dates that we went on then?”

You nod sheepishly.

“That was also really strange for me. It was just a lot, you know? And my ex also came back from overseas -you met him that one time. So there was just a lot of feelings going on all at once.”

She takes your hand, squeezing it gently.

“And even though I don’t like sunwoo that way, I’m glad that you’re here for him. I can tell you two really like each other. Even though it wasn’t your original intentions.”

Those words strangely comfort you. Like the chained truth you already knew was finally released.

“I don’t mean to pry,” you start, “but what’s up with you and your ex then? I saw you two were out and around together?”

You don’t fail to notice her reddening cheeks. “Ah, about that... He just came back so suddenly... and right as I got over him. but we’re spending more time together, and ugh, I don’t know.”

The smile on her face says otherwise. It makes you smile as well.

“I wish you luck, then.”

“And I wish you luck with sunwoo too!”

You weren’t expecting to gain a new friendship that day as well.

ꔫ

Now that everything seemed cleared and out of the air, you had more time.

To think. Reflect. Focus on what your ideal life is like.

Is it one that includes Kim Sunwoo? Waking up next to him, having the ability to make fun of him 24/7, being able to press your lips onto his whenever, wherever?

And when the answer finally comes, it’s another sunny afternoon with Sunwoo waiting for you after class.

The day was nice. And you feel nice too, strangely happy. He notices.

“What’s got you looking so upbeat for? Is it seeing my face?”

“No,” you happily respond, laughing at his offended face.

“It’s nothing. Let’s just go to the park.”

He’s confused but smiling as well.

“Okay. How was your day?”

You chat along the walk to the park.

“-did I make you wait long? What time did you get to the studio?”

He frowns, taking the phone out of his pocket to check the time. Your legs stop working when you see what his lock screen is.

“Sunwoo?”

He grunts.

“Is your lock screen... a picture of us?”

He fiddles with the back of his neck. “Oh, yeah. Changmin sent that picture of us at the restaurant to me, and then I-uh changed it.”

You try, oh so hard, to fight that bashful smile attempting to break free on your face. Thank goodness sunwoo was walking a few steps ahead.

ꔫ

When you arrive, sunwoo finds a bench, and you plop down next to him with a content sigh, staring at the view.

You purposely picked this park because of its location, higher up so it overlooked the city. It was peaceful and beautiful, above all the commotion.

“You know Sunwoo, I think I found what I want to do.”

He looks at you, curious. “Which is?”

“I want to dance.”

“But you already do that?”

“Yes, you’re right. But I also want to teach others too. Like a dance instructor. That day when I taught you that routine was fun.”

“Are you sure it wasn’t fun because you were with me?” You flick him playfully.

“What about you then? Did you ever meet up with your ex-crush after that whole mess?”

Sunwoo scoffs, looking down. “It wasn’t a mess...” he mumbles.

“No... it was,” you wish to say, but your lips remain zipped.

“But yeah. We made up. I’m glad that she’s still my friend and our relationship is better now. To be honest, I think I’ve known since the beginning that she never liked me that way. I just was too scared and prideful to admit it.”

“Well, isn’t that a good thing?” His eyebrow quirks up at your words.

“What do you mean?”

“That you never stopped liking her.”

He looks at you, truly confused.

“Because you got to meet me.“

You expect him to retort back with something mocking back but he actually looks down at his shoes, smiling. “Yeah, you’re right.”

You lean back on the bench, relaxed and peaceful.

“Anyways, what about you? Did you find a passion or dream you wanna pursue?”

“Actually, I did.”

You sit up. “Really?”

He suddenly looks shy. “I kinda want to get into producing. Music.”

You look at him, interested.

“After we met up at your dance place, it made me think of my old trainee life.”

You cut him off. “Wait- I never asked why you quit being a trainee.”

“Oh. I just fell out of it. Being an idol just didn’t seem like it was for me anymore. But after seeing you reach your dancing dreams, it made me inspired. I started writing lyrics and rapping again for fun. Then I realized I really liked it. And producing music was always a hobby,” Sunwoo continues to ramble on.

You listen with a soft smile. And he eventually notices, stopping his tangent. “What is it?”

Smile growing, you tilt your head to the side and state, “I support you. You should totally do it.”

Sunwoo feels warmth bloom in his chest. Another reason for him to fall in love with you even more. Yes, he was sure that he loved you. But sunwoo didn’t want to say it just yet.

He was waiting for you.

“Thank you, y/n.”

You nod, suddenly picking at your fingers distractedly.

“But I don’t know... I think right now I just really want to go out with you, Kim Sunwoo.”

He chokes on air, looking around almost as if to make sure this is actually reality before taking your hand. “What-no. Are you serious?”

“Yes. Let’s go on a date.”

You say it so casually he thinks he must’ve misheard you or whatever. But he didn’t.

For you, it just happened. The night before you were laying in bed, and he just popped up in your dream. A wonderful dream that was like your ideal life came true-even when sunwoo appeared you didn’t question it one bit. A dream where you were able to remember everything fully when you woke up this morning.

And so it was decided. It had to be it, right? You definitely liked the troublemaker Kim Sunwoo.

When you look away at some point, he pumps a fist in the air, elated and barely restraining a yell of happiness.

You turn around. “Are you alright?”

He quickly straightens up. “Yep. Good. Just fine. Doing great, actually.”

You smile, eyes crinkling. “Okay.”

But you couldn’t suppress the feeling,

-of hunger. Today was a long practice, and you needed energy.

“Sunwoo, let’s go. I’m hungry.” You take his arm, trying to pull him up.

He easily gets up, adjusting his hold on your hand. But you don’t mind.

This has to be a dream right? Sunwoo thinks. The happiness he feels from seeing you-a once stranger that he poured all his feelings out to-turn into someone he trusts with his life, his heart.

Walking down the sidewalk together, you speak up.

“Did I make you wait too long?”

He scoffs, free hand raised to his face in a supposedly cool expression. “Nah, if it’s you, I could wait forever.”

You cringe, letting go of his hand in an instant.

He almost immediately protests.

You wanted to shut him up. There was one way that you believed would be very effective. It just took a little preparation.

Gathering the confidence, you kiss him on the cheek, mid-protest.

Sunwoo’s surprised expression makes you laugh. But that laugh is cut short when he suddenly pulls you closer, your noses barely touching.

You can feel your heart pounding- he can probably feel your heart pounding. But it’s okay because his is too.

When he leans in the tiniest amount, your eyes flutter shut, holding your breath and waiting.

Until he starts chuckling softy, and you peek an eye open.

It makes your face heat, the way he stares at you with such adoration, and possibly love?

You huff, turning and beginning to walk away. “If you’re not gonna kiss me, then just leave.”

You hear his protests but also his laughter that echo through your body.

“I didn’t know you were such a baby,” he comments, snatching your hand and spinning you around once more so his arms can encompass you.

His eyes bore into yours, occasionally flicking down to your mouth and back up again.

Maybe you were just a little impatient, so you lean in, just barely hovering over his lips.

His grip around you tightens. Who’s the baby now?

And then he finally closes the gap, letting his soft lips glide over yours.

It’s just... Sunwoo. All you can see, even with your eyes closed, is him. All you can feel is him. Everything is sunwoo.

And you think you love it.

When you break the kiss reluctantly a couple of seconds later, sunwoo’s eyes flick open, staring back at you indignantly.

“What? Let’s go eat. I said I was hungry.”

“Was this not enough?” he grins cheekily.

You slowly lean into his ear, whispering, “No, it wasn’t.”

You grin at the way he shivers, your warm breath tickling his ear.

“That’s why we’re going to get food now. And you’re paying as usual,” you finish, basking in the fact that Sunwoo is rendered speechless.

You like how your hand easily finds his, fitting perfectly together as you drag him along.

Wherever you go, I’ll go with you.

Wherever you fall, I’ll pick you back up.

Wherever you can’t, I’ll love you instead.

taglist: @elcie-chxn @00seonu @mochinyu

a/n: if you made it to the end of this, i sincerely applaud and thank you :) after the end of that drama i couldn’t stop my feelings and had to write this but then it kinda turned into a whole fic 🤡

also can’t believe i wrote this much-sunwoo constantly in the brain 😶.

#ig we'll never find out the secret between reader and sunwoo's sister o.o?#the boyz #kim sunwoo #sunwoo #the boyz sunwoo #sunwoo x reader #kim sunwoo x reader #sunwoo scenarios #sunwoo imagines #the boyz x reader #the boyz imagines #the boyz scenarios #kim sunwoo scenarios #kim sunwoo imagines #sunwoo fluff

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see-the-demons-within · 7 years ago

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Do you think the reason some people don't find love is because they want it so bad?

Maybe i want it too badly // thoughts that keep me up at night

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kaneshiroflms · 5 years ago

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A list of spotify playlists (and their descriptions) to fill your quiet quarantine

Is it better to speak or die? - a playlist for Elio

Somewhere in Northern Italy - cmbyn playlist

I love you, don’t you mind? - for loving someone you’re not supposed to

Vintage daydream - old songs

Dancing at 2 am - dancin by yourself

A romantic indie film starring u and me

Wanna fall in love? - songs I love about love ;)

Slow dance with me - slow songs I wanna dance to with the person I love

F*ck ur f**lings - just mad.

Memories of a lover you never knew - songs that remind me of a bf i never had

Summertime - yep

Star crossed lovers - songs that remind me of 1995’s Romeo + Juliet

Dance to forget - fuck ur problems, dance instead

Midnight moonlight - songs that hit most during midnight

Take me back - personally nostalgic songs that remind me of specific memories lol

Drowned in thoughts - contemplation music

Against the world - very sad songs

Life feels like a coming of age teen movie - ur the star in ur favorite ya novel/movie

Close your eyes and dream the night sky - to help u sleep

I like to feel his eyes on me when I look away - a before sunrise playlist :)

If love can fade, then so can pain - im very denial about the fact that this is a moving on playlist

Summernights - shit I blast between 7pm to 3am during summer

Places we won’t walk - songs that hit harder when youre on your way home at nighttime

What’s the vibe? - really vibey songs

It’s summer and I’m in quarantine

Click here for my spotify account :)

Follow my playlist blog @1975playlists open for playlist and song suggestions xx

PS: I did an updated version since I deleted and created some playlists check it out on @1975playlists

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hazbbyhaz · 4 years ago

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sleepless || harry styles

twenty four

pairing: Harry Styles x OC

synopsis: the party cleanup

disclaimer: mentions of selfharm, mentions of scars

just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are - John Green

At 3am the party had finally started to die down, people slowly funneling their way out. And by 3:30, All the guests were gone, leaving Avery, Harry, and Francis. Avery was on her fourth cup of coffee, the caffeine keeping her awake enough to not pass out on the couch. Everyone was sitting in the living room, strewn around the space. All of them winding down from the energy that the party created. It was silent. Serene. Comforting, in a way.

Harry was the first to move, starting to pick up the mess that swept the entire flat. Avery and Francis joined him soon after. They collected all the cups and plates that were scattered about, bringing all of them to the kitchen. Francis washed the dishes, Avery dried and put them away, and Harry made several trips around the apartment to collect all the trash.

Avery was lost in her own world, taking her time in drying the dishes and figuring out where they were kept. A tap on her shoulder had broken her from her trance. When she looked back, she saw Francis with a big soapy beard on his face. His jaw was completely covered in bubbles.

“How do I look, Avery?”

“Absolutely fabulous, if I do say so myself.” They were giggling like children, the sound echoing through the kitchen.

The laughter had Harry making his way to the source, and the sight in front of him had him laughing too. It was nice seeing Avery and Francis smiling and laughing. It was something that he hadn’t seen in a while, mainly from his friend. Maybe this party really was what he needed. Maybe this was a fresh start.

“Alright Old Saint Nick, let's get the kitchen cleaned up, after that we are finished till the morning.”

Harry chuckled, throwing a towel to Francis, and after he wiped his face clean, they continued. The rest of the dishes were washed and put away, the counters were wiped down, and the floors were swept. Avery had the cake she made in her hands, about to put it in the fridge, before she heard someone protest.

“Nope. You're not putting that masterpiece away until you try a piece.”

Francis hastily took it out of her hands, grabbed a paper plate, and cut a small slice out of the cake. He just about shoved it into her hands, not taking his eyes off of her until she took a bite. "It's very sugary," She said, grimacing as she swallows her first bite. "I think I need to cut down on that the next time"

"I think it’s great," Francis shrugs, getting a new fork to take a bite from her piece. "I mean, considering this is one of your first cakes, this is amazing."

"Thank you." After tasting the cake herself, Avery doubted that he was telling the truth. It was awful. "Harry, you try a bite" She holds the fork out to Harry and he doesn't even take the utensil from her, but eats it straight from the fork. The silly action instantly made her blush, All the heat rushing to her face and making it beet red. But the redness of her cheeks quickly vanishes as Harry loudly coughs, and nearly downs a whole glass of water after swallowing the small bite of cake.

"I'm sorry, Ave, but..." He takes a breath. "that is revolting. Francis, how are you just eating that?" Avery giggles, looking over at Francis, who has almost finished her piece.

"I can feel the cavities forming in my teeth..." He takes another sip off his water.

"I like it." Francis concludes with a shrug. "Anyways, Avery, are you staying here or should we take you home? I can play my charm and convince Mrs Sheffield to give us her car keys."

"It's 4am," Harry frowns.

“Trust me, she loves me!"

They keep bantering back and forth while Avery contemplates if she should stay or go. She had been with Harry for a majority of the weekend, rarely leaving his side. She didn’t want to overwhelm him. Didn’t want him to get tired of her presence or feel like she was clinging to him. "You can stay, Ave. It's no problem." Harry says, bringing her back into reality with his green eyes looking into her own.

"I don't want to bother you guys"

"You're not bothering anyone. Stay. I can walk you home after breakfast"

Her gaze moves over to Francis, who was putting the cake back into its container. She was looking for him to protest, for him to say that he didn’t want her there. But he didn’t seem bothered in the slightest, so she nods. "Alright, just til after breakfast."

Harry breaks into a smile and Francis puts the dessert in the fridge, slowly closing the door. "Great, now that this has been discussed, I am going to bed." Francis said goodnight to the two before vanishing in his bedroom. Avery noticed how Harry's eyes stayed fixed on his friends door for a moment.

"He likes you." Harry then says, turning back to her with a gleaming smile.

"I'm glad"

He walks over to her, leaning against the kitchen counter. "When do you go back to work?"

"Tomorrow."

"You're going to be tired."

"I'll be fine." She murmurs. In the dim kitchen light, Harry can see the three freckles on her nose, and the different shades of blue in her eyes. There had been numerous times where he’d thought about kissing Avery. More than he would like to admit. So many times where he wanted to sweep the loose strand of hair behind her ear, cup her cheek, and put his lips onto her own. He believed that, maybe, her pain would leave after he kissed her. He knew that it was stupid. That it was impossible. That something that mundane could ever fix the pain that she had felt.

So, out of all these times, he picked this one. He picked this time because he was tired. He picked this time because he still had some liquid courage coursing through his veins. He picked this time because she looked just… so unbearably sad. Even though he knew she had a great time that night, there was this underlying look to her. Even at her happiest, she always looked to be sad. Like she was in a great world of pain. Always.

He slowly leaned closer, his gaze fixed on hers. She didn't move away from him as their eyes met. "I don't think we should do that," Her breath is warm against his lips. "You'd regret it."

"I doubt that." His words are hushed, and if he leaned a bit closer, just the smallest bit, their lips would touch. Averys gaze switched between his eyes and his lips. She wants to be brave enough to close the gap. She does. But there is a small voice in her head telling her that it's wrong. That she will destroy everything that she has created if she moves forward with what's happening.

"You're so soft nobody knows how to take care of you".. "You know what you are? An ungrateful brat. That's all that you are, and that’s all you’ll ever be".

"You're pathetic, I can't deal with you anymore. No one can."

"I'm sorry but... I can't." She whispers and she doesn't have to tell him that's it because of her mind, her past, and everything that she continues to hide from him. He knows.

"I get it." Harry reassures her and instead of kissing her lips, he kisses her forehead.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” He leaned in again, pressing his lips to her forehead once more. This time letting them linger.

“It’s okay, Ave. It’s alright. You don't need to be sorry.”

So, instead of kissing, they watch Lost In Translation. Harry had fallen asleep shortly after, his head resting on her thigh, and Avery’s fingers gently carted through his soft, honey brown curls. Somewhen, the morning sun illuminated the living room. The early morning rays casting a golden shadow over the room. Bathing everything in what could only be described as eternal light.

Francis emerged from his bedroom soon after the sun rose, stopping for a short second to look at his friend. Harry was asleep on Avery's lap, his face cuddled into her stomach with her hand resting on his head. He looked so at peace, even youthful in his sleep. He was getting the rest that Francis knew he deserved. That he needed.

Seeing him and Avery together made Francis happy. He saw the way that they had interacted during the party. They were always together, never spending much time apart.

Francis made his way to the kitchen, getting himself a glass of water. He got a cup out of a cabinet, one that had been washed only hours ago, and filled it at the kitchen sink. not bothering with ice, it was too early for ice cold water. Once the cup was full, he turned off the tap and turned around. He jumped and nearly dropped his cup, startled to see Avery stood at the entrance of the small space.

“Jesus! You scared me.” Francis leaned against the counter, holding a hand up to his chest in an effort to slow his racing heart.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

They stood there in silence for a while. Avery eventually made her way into the kitchen, sitting atop of the counter closest to the entrance. Francis was looking out the small window they had in the kitchen, and Avery watched. He didn’t seem to be actively in the room. His mind was elsewhere. This was a different kind of silence. Not like the atmosphere that they had experienced after everyone had left hours ago. This one was darker, in a way.

Somehow, Avery knew. She just knew. She knew that he was troubled. Maybe it was the worry that Harry always had in his eyes when looking at his friend. Maybe it was the dread that showed in Harry’s face whenever he called. Or maybe it was her own personal experience. But, either way, she knew. She could see the scars that littered his arms, the ones he had tried so desperately to cover, and it made her angry. Did she have a real right to be angry? No. She didn’t truly know the boy that was standing in front of her, but she knew enough. She knew enough to know that he shouldn’t feel that kind of pain. From what she had seen, he was funny, caring, and he stood by his friends. He cared for his friends. She didn’t want anyone to know half of what she had been through, what she had felt. And she knew that he had.

“Francis?”

“Yes?”

“Just… thank you.”

He looked bewildered by her words, not knowing what they were for. “For what, Avery?”

“For earlier. Eric. You saw that he was bothering me and you told him off. I never got to thank you for it.”

“Oh… it was no problem. He was being a prick. He kept on advancing towards you when you told him no, and I won't stand by to see that.” He made his way to the kitchen sink, Avery not too far from him, and started to rinse out his empty glass. Avery watched as he did so, closing her eyes shortly after to let them rest for a minute.

“Avery?”

“Yes, Francis?”

“Can you promise me something?” He looked into her eyes, a serious glint inside of them.

“I guess so… what is it?”

“This probably isn’t my place, and I apologize if I offend you in any way. But, just… please stand up for yourself. Okay? There are loads of blokes like Eric, people who will take advantage of you because you are too nice, people who will disregard your rejection of their actions. You have to stand up for yourself. I would hate to see you get hurt because of something like that.”

She was taken aback by what he was saying. She didn’t know how to respond, at least not right now. So she simply nodded her head, casting her eyes downward.

“And thank you for the cake, I really appreciate it.”

“Of course. I'm glad.”

Avery’s apartment was a wreck. Various papers and notebooks littered every surface as she tried to find a good sample she could send over to Hughes Magazine. This was a real opportunity, one that needed to be taken seriously. She has the chance to be a published writer, to have something that she had written somewhere in the world for people to see. To say that this was nerve wracking was a major understatement. Avery was sitting in the middle of her living room looking like a mad woman, frantically flipping through notebooks in hopes of finding something that she deemed good enough.

After going through every piece of writing she had, she decided to submit two short stories and a handful of poems. She chose pieces that, she hopes, shows her diversity as a writer. Avery wanted this to be something, just once. She added her CV and all the other required information before attaching the poems and stories at the end of the e-mail, sending it off to their office in London before closing her laptop, pushing every bad thought aside.

As she began to pick up the mess she had made in the process, Avery's phone lit up showing her a message from Tom.

Tom: Hey, is there any chance you could come in early tomorrow? I've found a potential new employee and I would like you to show her around a bit.

Avery: Sure. How much earlier?

Tom: Thirty minutes early will be fine, just need a second opinion on her. She would be starting work soon, if she is decent at everything.

Avery: I'll be there.

Tom: Thank you, Avery :)

"What do you think about the editing?" Harry questions Francis, showing his laptop with the edited photo on the screen. He spent the whole Sunday in front of the computer, trying to finish editing the set his boss needed for an upcoming ad. His eyes were exhausted and his head ached from the hours he spent looking at the monitor screen.

"I like it," Francis says with a shrug, continuing to eat his Ben and Jerry's out of the paper container.

"I need constructive criticism, Frany. Saying you like it is not cutting it anymore." Harry groans, putting his head back to regain composure and stretch his sore neck.

"You know I'm devoted to the numbers.'" Francis replies with a sigh. "I can't give you constructive criticism when I don't understand it."

"It's art. Most of the time you don't have to understand it."

"Why are you not doing your black and white photography? I love it and I know you do too, I'm sure there are some people who would buy it."

"Those “some people” aren't going to pay rent," Harry closes the laptop, realizing Francis really wouldn't be much help here, and layed down on the sofa, his head atop the arm rest. "I wish I could just do that."

"I’d say do it. Do what makes you happy. That's what you always tell me, anyway."

"Yes, but you're different," Harry murmurs, his eyes closed and his forearm shielding them from the sunlight. "And what would I photograph? I don't go out anymore, I barely see James or Emily or Anais anymore. And God, I have a million photographs of you already."

"First of all, you make that sound like a bad thing." Francis replies, before eating another spoon of his ice cream. "Why don't you do a series on Avery?"

"She doesn't like being photographed."

“May I remind you that that's what you do? Take photographs without people noticing, so it's not staged."

"Yes I know, but-" Before Harry can finish his sentence Francis makes his way to Harry's room only to come out a minute later with a large black and white print. Harry remembered that day as if it were yesterday. It was Anais’s birthday party. Francis wasn't well that day so Harry had to take him to the party, he didn’t trust him enough to leave him home alone. He had spent the whole evening making rounds around the house, camera in tow, capturing every guest he could.

The photo in front of him showed Francis in an armchair in Anais’s living room. There was a half empty glass of champagne in his hand and a red balloon tied to his pinky, and at the first glance it almost looked comical. This sad boy with all the balloons, presents, and dancing people around him.

That same night, Harry had gotten absolutely wasted. So, when Francis told him that he wanted to go home, he didn't hold him back. He didn't look at him, not really, not like he should have. Once he had finally made his way back to their flat, he found Francis cutting himself on the bathroom floor and immediately sobered up. They didn't talk while Harry gently patched his friend up, doing so with so much care that it made Francis cry. And they didn't talk while Harry sent Francis to bed before he cleaned the bathroom, blaming himself for everything that had happened in the process.

Despite everything that came after, this was still one of his favorite photographs he had ever taken. The black and white didn't seem dramatic, but natural. He caught Francis without a mask, just Francis. It was safe to say that his best friend despised the whole thing, he didn't like it one bit and Harry was sure that if he hadn't stopped him, Francis would have ripped the print to shreds immediately.

"I really like that print..." Harry mumbles, eyeing the photograph that feels like it was taken so long ago. When he was still so naive and inexperienced, thinking he could just do this his whole life. "But I can't do it. I have to think about earning money, this dream won't take me anywhere."

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