#i dont want to live like this anymore
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Despite the fact that I live in a house surrounded by family, I still feel so alone. Maybe I'm inflicting this loneliness on myself, but no matter what I do I still feel disconnected from all of them.
It's gonna be my birthday too and honestly, despite the fact that I want to grow closer to my family, I want to spend the day alone away from all of them.
I feel so conflicted. I'm not sure what to do anymore. Sometimes, I wish I wasn't even around anymore. Not like anyone would miss me anyways.
#personal#im stuck in my head a little#i sometimes wish i had friends#i dont want to live like this anymore
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i'm gonna lose it actually
#i can't fucking GET ANYWHERE#i start getting hopeful about maybe being able to do something with the bus system here#but the one thing i want to do i cant. because the bus from [town i live in] to [town w bus to portland] doesnt run early enough on saturda#i'm just literally always going to be isolated and cut off from any possibility of community#i dont want to live like this anymore#but i also LIKE where i live in literally every other aspect except the lack of jews#and i want to stay here#being able to take a bus by myself to synagogue would fix that issue
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i feel so utterly alone in my trans experience Bro i dont know what to fucking do Bro i think im really gonna do it this time BRO
#i dont know how im going to be able to do any of this#i dont want to live like this anymore#bro i want to be free BRO i want to be Fucking Happy and Real Bro.
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Death,
Come wrap your arms around me,
Take my hand in yours,
And bring me to my peace.
#cw sui ideation#tw sui ideation#tw sui implied#cw sui implied#death#sad#depression#i dont want to live like this anymore#mine. do not repost#do not repost
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#fuck#my partner told me ive been relying on them too much as a crutch#so im venting here instead#it fucking hurts#living like im living fucking hurts#i dont want to go to college anymore#i dont want to live like this anymore#im too tired to put effort on being better#i just want to be intoxicated#alcohol weed whatever#i just dont wanna feel what Im feeling right now#a sense of loneliness#of abandonment#and fucking being avoided by the ones i love the most#and worst of all#im NOT being avoided#it's just my fucking narcisism acting up and making me want everyone to pay attention to me#bloodletting
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Would be so nice to stop thinking about downing all the sleeping pills I have.
I should just get rid of them, but...
I'm not ready to part with my back up plan I suppose.
#depression#im not okay#im tired of life#i dont want to live like this anymore#things need to change#im tired of it being bad
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10 hrs later n im still going through it
#he called me beautiful just randomly and idk its hard to believe#i dont get it i rlly wish i looked like her#maybe he would like me more n maybe he would love me#i dont want to meet bc i know hes gonna look at me and be like ‘why did i choose her’#i just want a break from my thoughts honestly i kinda wish i could just ghost everyone for a few days#including him#i wish i looked like her#i wish i knew his type so i can become it#i wish he was genuinely attracted to me#i can tell its forced and i can tell hes cringing when saying it#im tired#i dont want to live like this anymore#jamie.txt
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last three seasons spn are crazy. its just dean being borderline suicidal while sam tries to fix it by basically dangling his keys at him and going : “dean look! cowboys!” “dean look! strip club!” “dean look! haunted action figure.”
Meanwhile castiel is like i see that dean is suicidal, this is clearly my fault so i will remedy this by dying.
#and then dean is fixed by jack getting him a yogurt from the fridge or some shit#dean: yeah i just dont believe theres any point living any more. sam: huh dean are you ok? that sure was a funny thing to say#dean: yeah i just dont believe theres a point to life anymore. cas: don’t worry dean. i’ll always be here. *dies*#dean:yeah i just don’t believe theres a point to living anymore. jack: bummer. want to play mario kart?#dean: sure kid why not#destiel#dean winchester#spn#sam winchester#supernatural#but seriously#i feel like we dont talk about how dean was trying to die at the slightest inconvenience in the later seasons and its like??? bestie???
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Can I just go completely feral now? Become one of those hillbilly urban legends you hear about in the local bars, maybe inspire a Hunting Bigfoot episode and spend the whole time fucking with the camera crew? IDK I just don't want to be here anymore
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i can't stop crying. i just WISH i could wake up and everything would be okay. all my problems were gone and i had a nice fresh start. i need to start over, do life again. please god, let me start again.
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last year i found a wii at goodwill for 25 dollars and it came with everything except a wiimote but it was in such good condition i was like hell yeah ill take it how hard can it be to find a wiimote. the answer is it's nearly impossible to find them at thrift stores now so i've spent like 8 months looking for ones in thrift stores but there wasn't a single one and then online but i just couldn't bring myself to spend 30 dollars on one single wiimote so i waited so. patiently. and then 2 weeks ago i finally found one at goodwill for 9 dollars but it was absolutely disgusting and the battery cover was missing and the compartment was all corroded so i put it back and regretted it the whole week but then this last weekend i went to savers and there was an absolutely perfect wiimote just sitting there with no corrosion and a jacket and the wrist strap and motion plus and the nunchuck was there too and i got it all for 10 dollars so the moral of the story is that sometimes things seem right for you in the moment but you have to recognize that they aren't and leave them behind so the things that are meant for you will in fact find you when the time is right. peace and love <3
#for real though im so happy i cant even lie like i regretted selling my wii soooooo much but anyway im back baby <3#im disinfecting everything rn bc i have a germ problem but once it it's done.....i am SO back#when i first got it i didnt have the remote right so i couldnt plug it in and make sure that it worked but i did just plug it into an outle#to make sure it ran and it did and wii sports resort popped out of the drive so thats fun bc i didnt have that one#and anyway i might cry when i hear the menu sound ngl ngl.#but the city i live in is like an overgrown retirement home and so the goodwill is full of old people things and this wii had stickers#like explaining which cord was which so i just know it was a wii that they bought for like grandmas house and only played it when they were#over there so anyway cant wait to see what's on there and if the news channel and weather channel are still on the homepage even though#i dont think they work anymore lol#also shoutout to the type a kid who kept their wiimote in such perfect condition that i wanted to cry when i saw it sitting on the shelf#ty <3
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It became worse Lmao smell ya l8r losers B)
No but genuinely please fucking help me
Im really sik goodbye
#im genuinely not ok#i feel like im dying#im so scared#im so tired#please pray for me#:(#i dont want to die#i dont want to live like this anymore
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please please please please please please please let me tell you about this comic I want to make it so bad please I can not wait I am losing it
If I don't make the comic then I'm not going to make it... I need other people to see what is in my brain so I'm not the only one going feral over them
#IM NOT GONNA GET TO MAKE IT FOR LIKE A YEAR...#well.#hmmm...#9 months#BUT it won't launch for like a year#so no one will get to SEEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!1#I'm shooting for pride month next year#pri(demon)th#LMAO#please pleae spleaple pla psl eaplse plaese#also when I say I want to talk about them I dont mean like let me ramble I mean... its hard to explain#but I want to be able to be like omg this meme is soooo zagan#and stuff like that#like I want them to Exist for me and for other people#so that they can be like a part of our lives#I mean. I also want to talk about it#but the story is still technically at that point where anything I make right now is still possible to change#cause. like. yknow.#the way writing works#especially for webcomics#ESPECIALLY for long form webcomics#and ESPECIALLY for me#is that until I get to actually see it as thumbnails#I dont know wtf is actually gonna happen.#like. stuff I've had planned for YEARS isn't making it in the furhter I'm getting into development#and I had always had it in my mind as a canon event but it's just sorta not anymore??#so. yeah I dont want to share too much outside of just art of them#cause I don't want there to be like Wrong information out there....#anyways.#we were legion
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i love when ppl draw bumblebee like the happy little creachure he is but also i love when people draw bumblebee like he's had 500 beers in the last 1 hour and still the pain won't even ebb
#bonus when they do both by making him just utterly psychotic but he smiles so no one notices#i am a shameful idw bee enjoyer but like in the tired af ppl pleasing libra girl who needs a therapist so fking bad but#has 700000 billion duties and 900000000 billion expectations and mean bitches in his ear telling him hes stupid#sense#and not the he feels like an officer sense like no my queen is just a teachers pet doing her best which is her worst im afraid#anyways i love bee hes very indignant and a bitch but also im gonna stand beside her sorry#u do not understand how powerful it was to give him a cane . a literal crutch to hold onto to feel stronger even when ratchet says he doesnt#have to anymore but yet bee still insists bcs he doesnt have time for the repairs itll take when others cannot survive#and 2 it comforts him with support and also power and so he cradles it close with the idea of him being weak & needing smthing else#to make him strong#even tho at this point it's rlly just for comfort but he cant afford to allow himself to have comfort when others cant#or dont need it in his heroism ideals (specifically optimus being seen as so much stronger than him)#optimus also had bee tho. had him. but bee is so self conscious he just sees all his failures surrounding optimus & views himself not a#crutch to lean on but a crutch to optimus' character#he rlly needed rodimus and his fiery upbeat persona so they could fake it till they made it together and he left & fucking exploded#(in bees eyes)#like idk im just obsessed with this little tryhard loser#he islike a sad little clingy mother who refuses to think herself as human. she is just mother. lives off evrryones accomplishments#never her own#idk like hes so interesting tonme i want to kill him teehee#chew on him like sponge cak#bumblebee#transformers#tf bumblebee#tf idw#idw#tf#????#maccadam#i hate not knowing waht tag to use
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if you had read the story of hind raghab, if you had seen the picture of the child hanging from a pole, its lower body shredded, if you had seen the boy carrying pieces of his brother in a body bag, if you had known the soul of my soul, the story of refaat, and the countless war crimes israel has committed just in 7 months then you wouldn’t stream the song skz is putting out with charlie puth, a zionist and overall bad human, and that israeli producer. you would send a clear message that zionism isnt welcome in any capacity in any medium and you wouldn’t want to fund people who support its hateful ideology. this isnt a matter of being a skz anti and im so fucking tired of people painting it as such. where do you draw the line for your morals?
#‘im just here for the kids’ they will be fine if you dont stream one song#and even it they wouldnt be it doesn’t matter because human lives prevail profit#i just saw a fanbase raising 3500+ for this song#do u know what this kind of money could do for a family of palestinians rn#im so livid and it’s actually crazy that there isnt a general consensus about boycotting this song as it has been for cocacola#what’s different?#maybe u saw that this song could actually chart so u dgaf anymore about palestinian lives????#why would u even want skz to br associated with zionists in the long run???#im so mad like this is driving me insane#charlie puth is a nobody too like 😭 FREE US OH MY GOD#stray kids
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i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess
#they say they dont mind but i need to really. stop#im stuck.#and i know it’s hard on my friends to see me like this since i’ve been doing a lot better and now am back to my old habits#but i felt bad because they took me out shopping and to dinner tonight and i just had a headache and was limping and couldnt stop talking#about the recent death in my family and all the stress from classes and socially and how lost i feel#and i just wanted so bad to just. enjoy myself but i couldnt#but my friends know about how severe my depression is and are all very used to it#its in fact more normal than not. but i was really. feeling at my best for several months so the crash back down to not eating and sleeping#and being unable to fully tidy my room and all that stuff has been. difficult for me as well as those around me#it’s been normal for me for so long to live terribly that taking care of myself for a while and then losing the drive to has been. hard#im trying to get better but i slide back down#i need to work on my constant self loathing but i keep walking around just. conviced im such a burden and being sad makes it even worse#i just. am always overcompensating for my lack of#ability to love myself with just. constantly showering everyone around me with love and its. hard for me when i dont have the energy to do#even that anymore. its hard to let people take care of me when i just want to take care of them all the time
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