#february fucking sucks
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September and October are such perfect months, I'll be sooo distraught when it's November, except that month is also really nice with the 5th and Gonchaversary and everything...
#all of the months have a special appeal#except february#february fucking sucks#not bc of valentines day i actually like valentines day bc it reminds me of doing singing telegrams in highschool#but everything else about it#it is the Flavorless Month#on a similar note#love late spring/early summer bc everything is coming back to life and i get to eat things (hooray for easy foraging)#but my depression is *always* worse may-june and last June I lost a friend so i think it will just suck forever now /lh#maybe i should just discount Feb. and Jun. as lost causes and make sure i appreciate all other months#sort of like how being 18 fucking sucks but 19 through 22 were pretty good but 23 seems to also suck#still have hope I can turn this year around but it seems like it might be a June-like year
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I will never not be pissed about how covid has been handled. I don't really talk about it anymore because it's not going to change anything and I'm just gonna end up being That Guy evne more than I already am in general but. I'm just terminally pissed about it. the fact that so many people died who didn't have to, the fact that disabled and elderly people were so blatantly thrown under the bus to the point that a lot of people weren't even pretending to care, the CDC straight up lying multiple times and making it abundantly clear that the economy is more important than human life (or quality of life). the fact that everyone acts like long covid doesn't exist and "you won't die stop worrying about it," the fact that everyone (mainly the government and corporations but I see it on an individual social level too) is so desperate to get back to "normal" that they threw out a bunch of things that were actively improving lives like normalizing wearing masks during flu season/in doctors offices, and making more jobs remote, and respecting peoples' goddamn personal space. the fact that for some reason the prevailing opinion is that it's been long enough now and we should all get over it and accept it as a part of life and purposefully do nothing to mitigate the risk from this still very present and dangerous illness because you're harshing everyone's vibe.
it just really sucks man idk there's no point to this.
#my local kink group dropped their mandatory masking policy in february (yeah this february the one with the massive covid surge)#despite massive protest from many disabled/immune compromised members who were with this group because they were the only ones still maskin#basically with reasoning that boiled down to 'we (the board) don't wanna'#can you guess what happened after the first unmasked event. can you fucking guess#anyway I can't go to play parties anymore except for the one(1) explicitly masked one that just got approved so that sucks
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
#election. girlfriend in mental health crisis. forced to move out of my apartment before february. new contract in december.#everything is happening so much#wish i could support my gf more but I'm also stressed out of my fucking gourd about mortgages and viewings and realtors and my DEADLINE#so i rly don't have the mental space to be there for her as much as i want to rn and it sucks
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went to fucking work today and watched a (white, obviously) cop assault a woman stealing baby clothes on my fucking birthday because of course something like that would happen at work on my fucking birthday
#everything sucks so fucking much this year has sucked so fucking much and it doesn’t even feel over and that feels terrible#i hope i’m not entering another depressive episode i’ve literally been so fucked since february and i just thought i was getting out#tomorrow is a new day i guess but home is stupid and lonely and no one here listens to me and i miss leaving as soon as i’m home
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me and what we want are going through a lovers spat rn because i desperately want to write more for it but i constantly feel like shit so its really getting in the way of our relationship. also if youve sent me any asks that i havent responded to i am geniunely so sorry about it i am in the trenches right now
#sophie speaks#the disability is disabling me and its PISSING ME OFF#just let me write bro its not that hard#aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh#like im always thinking about it#drunk www!reader dancing to hot to go with the boys and every single one of them thinking about how bad they want to plow you as you-#jokingly flirt and wink and tease. and the entire time you have no idea theyre totally down 100% ready to go#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#if it gives fun dumb party vibes it is for www.#www is about the hot girl mascara running end of the night heels in hand look#hundredth thing i said www is about but like. something something the beauty of life and kindness and love and hope vs hate and loneliness#anything even close to that ballpark is what we want#gonna cry i geniunely want to write for it so bad i know im just complaining over and over but being chronically ill sucks so much#chronic pain sucks so much like whyyyyyyyyy cant i even go out to a cafe to buy takeaway in the car whyyyyyyyyy is the sun painful#its not supposed to be like that man :(#god i want another few months of my fibro going into remission pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee january february i loved you more than anything ever ahhh#nnnnnnnnnnghhhhhhhhhhh#ill. ill get there one day#so says most people#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#maybe ill just put in like the next hundred words or something#chugging along#so fucking slowly but yknow. literally have to spend basically all of the day inside my room because it hurts too much to be outside it#so. maybe i can give myself just a little slack. the tinniest bit
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Not me just finding out that Landon Tewers from The Plot In You is basically a local and was in a band with one of my good friends from high school (who is now in another internationally known band) that I used to go see when they played locally 🤯
#WHAT THE FUCK#I googled tpiy to get tickets to their show in February and got sucked into the Wikipedia page which led me down this rabbit hole#also tpiy and friend’s band have since toured together which is so funny to me#northwestern Ohio: breeding metalcore musicians since the late 80s#…
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sorry for ranting so much lately, but right now, I have to keep reminding myself that life isn't ending because I quit a job that left me in tears l, frustration, and anger so often
#its the first ever I really quitted a job#february wouldve been my 3 year anniversary there#when i started i kept saying its only till i find aomething better#then i got sucked in by amazing colleagues#and then most of them quit#and i was left with misogynists and boys that could be sweet#but just as sweet as they could be#they could be fucked up#personal
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part of wanting a post-doto story where corvo starts off disliking the outsider and only later being nice is that I now need to replay the games to fully grasp why he would hate him to begin with and nail their relationship after the first game and who corvo was by the time outsider became human or it might come off out of character
#li.txt#dh#no main tags here Im just talking to myself#I love how theyre always written as getting along either from the start or easing into a friendship pretty quickly by the fans#and lets be real its because were all filthy corvosider shippers#but Id be curious to see how their interactions could be if corvo is like 'no fuck you actually' and then goes 'oh wait no shit Im attached#a fascination thats been dwelling in me since like february#I wanted to write a fic like this but if theres one thing I suck at its getting things done#but also hello. hi. if you too are intrigued about this prospeet please. send an ask and yell at me about it#i would be more than happy to indulge you :)#also i made it sound like replaying the whole series is bad#its not i just played all games twiee this year and a third time sounds exeessive#my keyboard malfunetioned oh no
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So my hand slipped and I accidentally ended up binging the last 6 episodes of protocol and dear god I may need to be contained im losing my mind
OUGH i got spoiled for Celia so I wasn't surprised, but damn thats ruthless. She didn't actually choose to go through with it but considering how the talkers are rareish shes been stringing Sam on for a while. Interesting how the balance thing (sorta having to do an evil to get what you want but putting it on someone else instead of yourself) ties in with the voilin and the dice statements. Hope sam enjoys the ptsd world
Going off the epilogue presumably Freddie ate Colin. I hope he didn't completely die maybe he's just gonna be stuck listening to jmarts pixalated yearning or something pretty please
Idk why but the reference to the fearless ones got me i swear like that's OUR guyss EEEHH (I love Melanie fight me)
Anyway losing my mind screaming crying throwing up EXTRAVAGANTLY 10/10 would recommend
#it sucks cause i want it to be February#but then i remember that i live in australia and we'll be on fire by then#love lena just fucking off tho#the magnus protocol#tmagp#tmagp 30#the magnus protocol spoilers#tmagp spoilers
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#if i dont get over this cold immediately im gonna start killing#my head hurts my eyes hurt my back hurts i cant stop fucking sneezing im so tired AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH#its not covid thank god but i HATE being sick this sucks this sucks this sucks i have no energy for anything#and my head hurts too much to even look at my computer or phone for more than 5 minutes so im either sleeping or staring at nothing#february i will remember this ive done nothing to you this is bullshit!!!!!!#personal
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#on the plane back to Boston trying not to feel too miserable#I literally have a trip on Thursday with my brother but#I’m mourning the easy existence of having someone just to sit next to each night#I can fill up my schedule as much as I want but I guess I’m struggling with I /had that in the spring and then I ended it#I had to end it but it sucks#and I think I need to make myself vulnerable to the one friend and ask now if she’d want an appsrtment together next year so I know whether#to bank on that or not#it sucks there’s still so much time in between#but I have trips! I have trips and plans this fall#and maybe in the winter I’ll two a two week stint home in February#I’ve gotten through worse. and it isn’t even BAD like fucking god brain#miscellaneous#on another note -#a happier one#downloaded balatro for the plane#and omg!! it’s really really fun#you bet your ass I’m going full indulgence on it tonight
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finally had to bite the bullet and buy a new laptop since my old one is Literally just hanging on by a single hinge and a hope and it's SUCH a paaain setting up and transferring all my shit to the new one 😔
#especially since i only have like a dinky little usb drive with like No Space to do the transferring#anyways yeah my old laptop is Completely busted#for one like 80% of the keyboard keys doesn't work and i've had to use a usb keyboard for like 6 years#which is a pain every time i actually need to bring my laptop anywhere#which was a lot seeing as i was in uni lol#the speakers crackles so i Have to use headphones if i wanna watch something and not feel like dying over the audio quality#a corner of the screen is cracked#the fans sounds like a jet engine#oh and as mentioned the screen is literally only hanging on by a Single Hinge :'^)#the worst part is that it was Really Expensive cause i was like im gonna splurge on something more costly#so that i can use it for for years and years and then it started being fucked up just like only a couple of Months after i got it 😭😭😭#like i bought it february of like? 2018??19??? so i've still gotten some use out of it but it has honestly Sucked the Whole Time#ANYWAYS anyways it was now at a point where i was actively fearing for it crashing and burning just by looking at it wrong#so since it's my birthday (tomorrow!) i decided to buy myself a new one as a birthday present ^^#hashtag i am now financially ruined tihi#does fish make noise??
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Man actually the fact that time will keep passing and I will keep experiencing life and earning new memories over and over and over again until my dad is in the past wholly and entirely is so fucked up Actually. It's been half a year but it feels so fresh. But things will keep happening. I will keep growing. Life goes on. Maybe someday I'll adopt children. My dad will never know them. I can tell them about him but they'll never Know. I don't care about my grandpa who died before I was born at all. Granted he was an abusive alcoholic who drank himself to death. But guess who else drank himself to death? It'd be up to me to carry on his memory and like that's just so much pressure. I wish he was just fucking here himself to carry on his own memory. What the fuck.
#speculation nation#negative/#i was ok and then i thought about.my dad and just got. hit. ykno.#gonna try to go back to enjoying my evening but im just angry man. its not fair.#and like ok in my newest fic i had a moment of vash fucking Shouting 'it fucking SUCKS' as a moment of catharsis#that was taken directly from me. thats the continuous experience. out of nowhere just getting so fucking ANGRY#i know he didnt mean to die but i wish he hadnt drank himself to death.#and theres absolutely nothing i can do now. im an entirely different person than i was before february of this year#and im just so ANGRY. and theres nowhere for it to go.#so im blasting heavy guitar while doing my dishes because Life goes on and i need my dishes done#gonna make ramen and take a shower and just chill#life goes on and i do too. and he'll be more and more just a memory#shouldve thought about that before drinking yourself to death huh#idfk. just gonna do my dishes now i guess.
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i’m not even sweating my ass off cause i don’t go outside i just rot in bed every single day. so. ha.
arghghgh u win /silly
#Bro summer in Australia sucks sm#Bed rotting is actually impossible#I had the worst mental health in Ike January - February#And it was so fucking hot like 30-40°c every day#And my fan wasn’t working#So I was literally dragged out of my bed by my older sibling bc i prob would have gotten heat stroke or something if i continued to stay in#born to rot in bed forced to sit on the couch and watch shitty tv and babysit my siblings#:/#eddies asks!
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This flare up is one of the worst ones I've ever had. We're over a week into it, a full weekend of rest did nothing for me, and today I woke up with a headache that seems to be budding into a migraine. And I can't even call out of work bc my part timer is on a mini vacation and I've got a lot to do before the ad break tomorrow. Fuck me I fucking guess
#at least yesterday I got confirmation that the kid I trained back in February is definitely coming back to me#his store is closing so he's gonna transfer to us when it does#I will be so fucking grateful cuz I need another part timer so I can get rid of the person that sucks#I didn't even want her in the first place I inherited her when I took over the department#can't wait to be like sorry don't have enough hours for you buh bye bitch
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THE GUY FRFR
#link#link botw#breath of the wild#Oh my god this game has been PLAGUING my mind#Lol. I don't think it would've taken my life over like this if i wasn't sick WITH COVID AYOOOO#I hate it here#I have over 155 hours on botw help#The master cycle zero sucks I'm sorry but it's true#I fucking. loVE HORSES DUDE#Honest to god one of my favourite parts about the game#I've actually been really struggling with art block lol#I haven't really done art since February
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