#that was taken directly from me. thats the continuous experience. out of nowhere just getting so fucking ANGRY | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

orcelito · 3 months ago

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Man actually the fact that time will keep passing and I will keep experiencing life and earning new memories over and over and over again until my dad is in the past wholly and entirely is so fucked up Actually. It's been half a year but it feels so fresh. But things will keep happening. I will keep growing. Life goes on. Maybe someday I'll adopt children. My dad will never know them. I can tell them about him but they'll never Know. I don't care about my grandpa who died before I was born at all. Granted he was an abusive alcoholic who drank himself to death. But guess who else drank himself to death? It'd be up to me to carry on his memory and like that's just so much pressure. I wish he was just fucking here himself to carry on his own memory. What the fuck.

#speculation nation #negative/#i was ok and then i thought about.my dad and just got. hit. ykno.#gonna try to go back to enjoying my evening but im just angry man. its not fair.#and like ok in my newest fic i had a moment of vash fucking Shouting 'it fucking SUCKS' as a moment of catharsis #that was taken directly from me. thats the continuous experience. out of nowhere just getting so fucking ANGRY #i know he didnt mean to die but i wish he hadnt drank himself to death.#and theres absolutely nothing i can do now. im an entirely different person than i was before february of this year #and im just so ANGRY. and theres nowhere for it to go.#so im blasting heavy guitar while doing my dishes because Life goes on and i need my dishes done #gonna make ramen and take a shower and just chill #life goes on and i do too. and he'll be more and more just a memory #shouldve thought about that before drinking yourself to death huh #idfk. just gonna do my dishes now i guess.

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