#fear of inadequacy

[kindledmetaphor]

As a highly sensitive person, I have not yet figured out how not to let people's words maim me when they hit every insecurity of mine and display condescension towards my shortcomings.

[btbonescanon]

[seance]

STEDE BONNET / BURN IT DOWN by Daughter

[porto-rosso]

barbara trying to integrate cass into civilian life via boys and reading when all she had to do was sign her up for amateur rugby

[the-crooked-library]

On Horror, Queerness, Mirrors, and Dracula

Your wish is my command (you may or may not regret this). 

Here’s the thing - I love horror, and I love patterns, and I think the best horror is always in some sense symmetrical.  It might not be obvious, but what’s the point of staring into an abyss if you can’t see your own face reflected back?  The symmetry itself comes in any number of different twists, whether it is familial, communal, erotic, or individual, and most of these apply to Bram Stoker’s Dracula. 

The centre of our novel rests on the Harkers.  So, starting with Jonathan - his experience in Transylvania is a twisted version of his life back home.  Dracula is reserved but eloquent, seemingly caring and occasionally affectionate, he reads train schedules and they spend hours upon hours in conversation; which is a dark mirror to Jonathan’s train schedule-loving, passionate but serious Mina.  It may even be said that the Count is re-enacting a caricature of traditional heteronormative domesticity - he maintains the household, waits on his guest himself, and blows him kisses from the stairs.  His possessiveness of Jonathan is the only way a vampire like Dracula is capable of understanding the bond Jonathan shares with Mina.  The Count states that he, too, feels love; but he is written by a closeted gay man in the late 19th century, so his imitation of married life is both a lie and a tragedy.  He is a shorthand for forbidden, wrong, and corrupting desires. 

At the same time, Mina herself also has a same-sex connection in the beginning of the story, and her relationship with Lucy mirrors the relationship between Jonathan and Dracula.  They cling to each other, in a sense; despite being excited about the prospect of their impending marriages, there is some trepidation associated with this new stage in life.  A common part of a dowry used to be a shroud, simply due to the frequency at which Victorian wives died in childbirth soon after the wedding; and even provided a survival, the transition to married life was still a loss of innocence.  As such, Lucy’s affection for Mina is the last expression of her girlhood, and she herself is the personification of Mina’s.  Lucy is, therefore, the direct antithesis of the Count; her death and subsequent rising change Mina the same way that Dracula does Jonathan, establishing a firm duality between the Harkers and their respective vampires. 

The other characters are reflections of each other, as well; the suitors defend while the brides terrify, Van Helsing wants to preserve life while Renfield wishes to consume it - and even further, the old Hungarian lady cares enough about  a stranger to give Jonathan a cross for protection, while Lucy’s own mother lets Dracula into the house herself, selfishly ignorant of her daughter’s needs and the doctor’s orders.  Another parallel is drawn again between Jonathan and Renfield, who represents directly what he could have been, had he not escaped from Dracula’s grasp; which makes Renfield’s vehement, last-ditch attempt to protect Mina perhaps all the more poignant.  In him, she sees the resilience of Jonathan’s humanity; while he gets to see exactly what she could become after her turning  - in Dracula himself.  These dualities are integral to the story’s thematic structure, and therefore inextricable from each character’s development. 

There is really too much to say about each individual dynamic to fit into one rant, but for the current purposes, I can forgo the details.  They all converge as it is on Jonathan and Mina, and thus, the central theme of this story is devotion.  If Jonathan had truly broken, like Renfield, Mina would have stayed by his side; and if she had fully turned, like Dracula, he would have adored whatever shred of her still remained.  In madness and in death, in happiness and sorrow, in sickness and in health - until the echoes start to sound like wedding vows. 

@stripedshirtgay​

@bluberimufim​

[notfreetoday]

MPW Ep 6 Subtitle Corrections

Masterlist: EP 1 || EP 2 || EP 3 || EP 4 || EP 5 ||

Y: 正直言って　怖い 近づく度に　心臓が跳ねるから 何なら近寄らないで欲しい 住む世界が違うから 好かれたいとかは思わない ただ。。。 嫌われてしまったら死んでしまうかもしれない 想像するだけで　胃液がせり上がった Y: To be honest, I was scared. Because whenever he came close to me, my heart leapt and skipped a beat. I wished that, if possible, he wouldn't come near me because we lived in different worlds. 'I want him to like me' - I never had a thought like that. It was just... If he ended up hating me then I felt like I might die. Just thinking about it made my stomach turn.

We've seen for awhile that Yoh's fear that Segasaki will one day come to disdain him is what keeps him from voicing his thoughts out loud - but it is in Ep 6 that we truly learn the intensity with which Yoh feels, and come to understand why that fear overwhelms him to the point that he is incapable of hearing Segasaki's love for him.

Or, Yoh sees Segasaki for the first time and literally starts spouting poetry in the way only a visual artist can. Get ready for a lot of interaction breakdowns - this episode tells us quite a lot about these two! Same translation disclaimer applies, Ep 6, let's go!

S: 相変わらず　歩くの遅ぇな S: As usual, he walks so slowly

Y: あのさ　実は Y: 出てくるときにケンカしちゃって M: え？どうしたの Y: お前の仕事なんてどうでもいいって言われた M: 瀬ケ崎さんが？そんなこと言ったの？ Y: どうでもいいって　なんだよ Y: 人が一所懸命やってることに対して* Y: 最低だよ　あいつ* Y: You know... actually Y: When I was leaving we got into an argument M: Huh? What happened? Y: I was told "I don't care at all about something like your work" M: By Segasaki-san? He said something like that? Y: "I don't care at all"... what's with that! Y: To say that about something that someone is giving their all for...* Y: He's the worst, that guy** **Yoh uses あいつ (aitsu) to refer to Segasaki as "that guy". This is again considered rude, though is often used amongst male friends as well (like calling someone an asshole/bastard). He tends to use this word to refer to Segasaki in his head, especially when he's annoyed with him.

*Just like at the end of Ep 5, where Yoh emphasizes that he will become someone who can earn more as opposed to just earning more, here Yoh specifies that he is upset with Segasaki's response to his work, rather than being upset with the response being directed at himself, as the original subs imply. It's a small difference but I think it's important because it fits with his entire character. He has consistently only been triggered by comments about his work, not about him as a person. Yoh is self-conscious and sensitive about his work, because he sees competence as a measure of worth. It's precisely because he ties his self-worth to his work that he falls into such a deep depression in Ep 5, and it is the same reason why Yoh does not understand what good Segasaki could possibly see in him - after all, there is no merit in just being who he is, only in the work that he can do.

Y: いや　それは都合よく受け取り��ぎだよ Atsuya: ダヨ君　言葉って受け取り方が９割だからさ A: 同じ言葉でも　その時の気持ちやコンディションによって A: 違った意味に捻じ曲げちゃうものなんだよ A: ダヨ君が元気な時だったら     もっと甘～く聞こえたんじゃない？ Y: No, that's just over-interpreting it in my favor Atsuya (Man-san's husband): Dayo-kun, they say that about 90% of the meaning words convey comes down to the way we interpret them, so A: Depending on the way we feel, or our condition in that moment, that meaning can end up distorted and warped, even if the same words are used, you know? A: If Dayo-kun you, had been in a happier mood, might it not have sounded a lot sweeter to you?

Y: ん。。。いや、違うんです Y: 俺とあの人って　そういう感じじゃないんで Y: Mm... No, it's not like that Y: That person and I, well... that's not what it's like (between us), you see

Y: あの人を初めて見た��き この星の生き物じゃないかもしれないって思った   少なくとも地球上で見たものの造形の中で 一番きれいだとおもった 耳の形　鼻筋　 下顎角のライン　唇の膨らみ きっと見えない眼球の形状まで きれいなんだろうなって

Y: When I first saw that person I thought that he might not be a living thing from this planet At the very least, out of all the forms that I had ever seen on this Earth I thought he had the most beautiful one. The shape of his ears, the ridge of his nose, The line of the angle of his jaw, the full contour of his lips Even the structure of what could not be seen - the globe of his eyes - I thought for sure that too must be beautiful.

Y: 趣味で漫画は描いてたけど 現実の人間を描くのは初めてだった それに　 男を描きたいと思ったのも初めてだった 今　目に焼き付けて　描きつけておきたい衝動に駆られた たぶん　あの美貌と同じ空間にいた そのせいで　俺は　おかしくなっていた Y: I had drawn manga as a hobby but It was my first time drawing a real live person. And, It was also the first time that I thought "I want to draw a man" In that moment, driven by impulse, I wanted to burn his image into my eyes, to capture his likeness down on paper. Probably, it was because I was in the same space as that beauty. It was because of that, that I began to go crazy.

At 06:44, when Segasaki's green shirt classmate comes in calling his name, you can see that Yoh mouth’s "Mizuki" after he hears it.

(Btw Green Shirt later wears a Red Jacket, and is played by Nishimoto Maiki, the leader of the group Acchan is in - GENIC. Cute shot of the 3 of them here)

S: 直接何かしてくるわけではないし　別にいいと思うけど S: Well it's not like he's doing anything to us directly... I think it's fine actually

Y: 女の子が相手なら　 一目惚れだとはっきり思ったかもしれない でも　ただただきれいな男だったんで 自分の脳が　そこまで処理しきれなかった Y: If it was a girl Then maybe I would have clearly understood that this was love at first sight But it was just very simply, a beautiful man so My brain couldn't handle processing more than that

Most of this is not subtitled, and it’s a little muffled, but as the group walks over you can hear that Segasaki is the center of their conversation here, though he's not actually participating in it much. It speaks to the group dynamics, so I'm including it here (Segasaki is bolded):

Girl: ええ？ S: ちがうよ Red Jacket: 瑞貴じゃん、ね、今ね？ Girl どうせモテるじゃん S: いやモテない Red:モテるよ瑞貴が Girl: 告白されてるよ　どうせ Red: されてる　されてる Girl: あれ！ぼっちくん*じゃん Red: うわっ　マジだ　ぼっちくんじゃん Boy: いつも俺たちのことチラチラ見てる Girl: ちょっと来なよ　おしゃべりしたげるからさ** Girl: Whaat? S: It wasn't Red Jacket: It was (said to) Mizuki wasn't it, right? Just now? Girl: I mean you're popular anyway! S: No, I'm not Red: Mizuki's popular Girl: Whatever it is, that was a confession (you received) Red: It was, it was Girl: Oh hey! Why, isn't it Little Loner*? Red: Oh snap, you're right! It is Little Loner! Boy: The one who always sneaks looks at us Girl: Come here a bit, we'll talk to you, ok?** *ぼっちくん (Bocchi-kun) - Bocchi is slang for loner, and by adding the suffix "-kun" to it, they've turned this into a diminutive, like a nickname. It sounds cute and friendly, but is clearly meant as a casual sort of insult, so I've translated it as "Little" here. **This is an interesting line to discuss. She tells Yoh to come over, using the phrase 来なよ (kina yo) - this is the same "na" that Segasaki uses in Ep 4 actually, when he tells a drunk Yoh to go sleep in the room. It's the exact same word form, but where it was tender when Segasaki said it, it's highly insulting here - and the reason is because of the context and their (non-existant) relationship. She may be Yoh's senior, but this is the first time they're meeting, and they are nowhere near close enough that this phrasing would ever be seen as appropriate. She then tells him "we'll talk to you", using the colloquial form of "~したあげる (shita ageru)" aka "to do for you" - in other words, she's framing the action of them talking to him as if it were a gift from them to him (this word form also implies they are above him in the hierarchy). She also adds the polite prefix "O" to the word for "talk", which in this context is meant to make her appear sweet and ladylike. In other words, with just one line, she has insulted Yoh not only by talking down to him as if he were a small child or a pet, but also by insinuating that she's a sweet, lovely person who has been so kind as to deign to speak to him.

Y: あの。。。俺*　買ってきます Y: 絡まれてるより１００億倍マシだわ Y: Um... I*... will go and buy it. Y: That's definitely 100 million times better than getting harassed by them *Yoh still uses the masculine pronoun 俺 (ore) for "I" here (the same one he's used in every episode) which is remarkable for the fact that he doesn't switch to the more polite form 僕 (boku). Nowadays, it isn't really expected per se that a junior make this switch - especially since "ore" is usually the go-to pronoun for most male university students - but the switch wouldn't be surprising either, given that they are his seniors. Yoh does acknowledge their seniority when he uses the formal -masu form of the word "to buy" - but in the context of them bullying him, the choice to stick with the more masculine pronoun "ore" suggests that he isn't intimidated by them.

Red: セルフパシリって　すごくね？ Girl: やばいよ Red: He automatically offered to be an errand boy! Isn’t that crazy? Girl: It’s nuts!

パシリ(pashiri) - to be made to run errands - is slang, and it is used specifically to refer to cases where someone with more social power orders another around. It’s almost always linked to bullying or misuse of social power – so by using this word, these guys - they know exactly what they are doing.

Y: クソだよ　あいつら* Y: Those bastards*… they’re trash *Yoh uses the same word あいつ (aitsu) to refer to the gang that he did at the beginning of this episode to refer to Segasaki - once again it is the context that changes the meaning of this word. With Segasaki, it is proof that they share a close relationship. With these upper classmen that he's just met - it's definitely rude.

This is a very common form of bullying in school, and evidently, Yoh recognizes it immediately. The fact that he jumps so quickly to cooperating with it tells us sadly that this is something he's familiar with - he's likely been bullied before. This is unfortunately, unsurprising, because Yoh doesn't adhere to social norms very much. He eats alone, he stares at people, he doesn't greet his seniors properly (that slight bow is not enough, there should at least be a verbal greeting of some sort).

In my post on amae, I talked about how the interdependent self-construal means that one's ability to assimilate is seen as a value. In the same vein, people who do not fit in with the group, or who do not conform, are not looked upon favorably in Japan, because it is often assumed that they simply do not want to. It is not that they are unable to assimilate, it is that they are refusing to make an effort to be part of the group, and thus the fault and blame lies with them. Ostracization of those different therefore, is the expected consequence and punishment that the group metes out. All of us have to do our part to adhere to the rules of the group - what makes you so special that you can do your own thing? If you just did your job of fitting in like the rest of us have, well, then you wouldn't be in this position in the first place, now would you? - This sort of justification is the reason why bullying in Japan can become very, very extreme, and why despite efforts, has been so difficult to eradicate.

S: そんなに　一人で持てないだろうと思って S: 貸して Y: ありがとうございます* S: 行こう S: I thought all of that was probably going to be too much for one person to carry S: Pass it over Y: Thank you very much* S: Let's go

*Yoh uses the full, polite version of "thank you" here, and he will, for the most part, continue to use desu/masu forms with Segasaki, and answer him politely, in recognition of their senior/junior relationship. Similarly, Segasaki uses informal forms with Yoh, though he maintains a friendly demeanor and does not drop to rude forms at all, because they aren't that close yet. Note how he says 行こう (ikou) for "let's go" here - different from his present day "we're going", which leaves no room for argument.

(Also, he took the heavier bag of drinks (´ ▽｀).。ｏ♡)

S: 結構歩くのゆっくりなんだね Y: よく　言われ��す S: 君　名前は？ Y: あ　葉って言います　あの。。。葉っぱの S: ふーん　葉くんか Y: はい S: 俺は　 Y: 瑞貴...さん S: なんで知ってんの？ Y: あ　そう呼ばれていたので S: よく　聞いてんな Y: はあ　まあ。。。

Let's break this down to look at some social cues and nuances:

S: You walk quite leisurely, don't you? Y: I've... been told that a lot

This is more than just a callback to the beginning of the episode (or a chance to contrast how much more polite and sweet Segasaki sounds here 😂) - This is another way in which we see Yoh does not fit in. Segasaki is his senior, who has gone out of his way to come help him (never mind that Yoh's being bullied), and he should at the very least, be trying to match Segasaki's pace, not making him wait like Yoh does here. Segasaki's comment should be taken as much as an expression of surprise, as it should a cue to catch up - Yoh glances briefly at Segasaki after this line (which seems to amuse the latter) but he doesn't actually apologize outright or walk any faster. He does admit that he's been told this often - which sometimes can work as a concession, because you sort of validate what the other person is saying, but at the same time you aren't quite agreeing either. That said, it can backfire, because it means you've been made aware of your habit and yet have done nothing to change it. Segasaki doesn't seem to mind though, and actually matches Yoh's pace here.

Speaking of "pace" - "マイペース" or "my pace" is a loan word from English, and is a term used to describe someone who tends to do things, well, at their own pace, or in their own way, and who isn't bother by the people or goings-on around them. Usually meant as a benign, sometimes affectionate comment on someone's personality, it often brings to mind the image of someone who appears to drift during conversations, who might be a little "slow" in social interactions, or who physically lags behind the group. It can have negative connotations, because it means the group needs to make concessions for this person (like looking for them when they've wondered off). Yoh is the epitome of someone who is "my pace", and I'm very sure that the emphasis on his slow walking is not just a peculiar quirk of his character, it's an intentional part of the character design to show how Yoh is different.

S: *You... what's your name? Y: Ah, I'm called Yoh. Um... written with the character for "leaf" S: Hmm~ Yoh-kun huh.. Y: Yes

*Segasaki uses the polite pronoun 君 (kimi) to refer to Yoh here, as opposed to the rougher お前 (omae) that he now uses in the present day.

That little action Yoh does whilst saying "leaf" is him drawing out the kanji character for his name. It's quite common to tell someone which character is used to write your name, because the characters usually mean something, and it helps others to remember. Strictly speaking, Yoh really should be introducing his full name here, but judging by how he's been fiddling with the plastic bag, he's probably just too nervous to realize.

S: I'm Y: Mizuki...san S: Why do you know that? Y: Ah... that's what.. you were called (by them) so... S: You listen closely don't you Y: Ahh.. yea...

Nice save 😂First of all, it's extremely unusual to jump straight to using someone's first name instead of their family name (unless you're still a kid), let alone doing it to an upper classman, though Yoh does manage to tack on the polite suffix "-san" at the back. It's the verbal equivalent of stepping right into someone's personal space and touching their bag or something and then being all "er there was something there...". It's just weird and borderline inappropriate 😂 The fact that Segasaki doesn't scold him for taking such a liberty, or show any sign that he appears weirded out by it (in fact, he actually goes along with it!) tells us that Segasaki is a very kind (yasashii would be the right term here, the same term that appears at the end of this episode) or at least a very tolerant individual though I'd also like to think he just finds Yoh's strange ways a little cute too.

S: いま　楽しい？ Y: え？あ　いえ S: 絡まれて　パシらされてさ Y: ああ。。 S: どう？ Y: いや　たのしくないです Y: 瑞貴さんは？ S: 俺？ Y: はい S: 全然楽しくない S: 内緒ね Y: はい

Continuing with the breakdown:

S: Is it fun? Y: Huh? Ah no-

Segasaki's tone changes here to a more serious one - all he does is stress the final syllables of the word "fun" to indicate he's asking a question, instead of adding any end particles that might give more context, or that might soften the tone. The topic switch is a little sudden, which is why Yoh seems a bit confused. It doesn't help that the words are a little ambiguous - it literally translates to "now, fun?" - except the Japanese word for "now" is often used to mean "just now" as well, because the Japanese concept of time is not quite as linear as it is in West. "Now" doesn't just refer to "this current exact second we are in", it extends from whenever the "current activity" began right up to "this current exact second" - the key is figuring out what the current activity is 😅. Because Segasaki jumps into this topic so suddenly, and without much contextual cues, Yoh can't quite tell whether he means now, as in them walking together, or now, as in, the whole being sent on an errand thing, which is why Segasaki clarifies in the next sentence:

S: Being hassled, and sent on errands? Y: Oh... S: So? Y: No, it... isn't fun.

Segasaki watches Yoh closely whilst he waits for the answer to his question. This is Segasaki checking that Yoh knows he's being bullied, and it's also permission to talk about the topic. Once he confirms that Yoh does know what's happening, he looks away again.

The exchange tells us a lot about Segasaki's character, because often, the reason why bullying goes on for so long is that no one is willing to talk about it. Everyone knows what's going on, but no one acknowledges it. The fact that Segasaki jumps straight into it hints to Yoh that he doesn't agree with what his "friends" are doing (whether Yoh catches that hint or not is a different story). It also tells us, the audience, that he isn't afraid to speak up about things he disagrees with (similar to how he spoke up for Yoh when Yoh was sketching in the cafeteria) - but not to the extent that he'll do something which threatens the harmony of the group outright. This is tatemae/honne, which I talked about briefly in the amae post as well, and linked to this street interview video for real life examples. In short, tatemae is your ability to avoid conflict and smooth over group interactions, and is seen as an essential and positive trait. Segasaki is very good at this, even at this stage in his life, which is part of why he is so well-liked.

Y: What about Mizuki-san? S: Me? Y: Yes S: I'm not having fun at all S: It's a secret, yea? Y: Yes

This is cute, and tells us about Yoh's character too. Firstly, he's still persisting in his use of "Mizuki-san", though he's being really tentative about it, like he's testing whether or not it's okay. Secondly, he's actually asking Segasaki directly to confirm his stand on what his "friends" are doing. Is this Yoh being daring, or just his slightly awkward, somewhat tactless self? I couldn't tell you 🤣 It's likely a bit of both.

In response, you can hear the surprise in Segasaki's voice, but he doesn't hesitate to detach himself from the actions of the group. The way he invites Yoh into his group here, by acting as if he's let Yoh in on a secret, is very charming obviously, and reminds me somewhat of how in Ep 4, he suddenly drops to "Kanami-san" when talking to Man-san too. This again fits with how his "public mode" has been consistently portrayed thus far - nice, charming, polite, good-looking, and obviously popular (Ep 3, the girls in the cafe at the back, Ep 4, the way he talks to Man-san, this Ep, where he's even been proposed to).

Guy: 俺の水がきたかな？　 Red: あいつ覚えてるかな Guy: 確かに　待たせたな S: ごめん　葉くんお腹痛いんだって　だから連れて帰るわ　はい Girl: 瑞貴まで帰らなくてもいいんじゃん S: しんどいのに　一人すんのかわいそうでしょ* S: じゃあ　またね　また　 S: 行こう Red: 優しいな**　瑞貴 Girl: でも　帰っちゃったよ Guy: Is my water coming? Red: Will that guy remember? Guy: Good point, he's really made us wait S: Sorry! Yoh says he's got a stomachache, so I'm gonna take him home. Here! Girl: Huh? But it's not like Mizuki you have to go too right? S: Leaving him all by himself right when he's having a hard time - wouldn't you feel bad for him?* S: So, see you guys later, 'kay! Bye! S: Let's go Red: Mizuki's really kind** isn't he? Girl: But, he's leaving you know!

*Segasaki does a very small switch up to the polite form here, as he takes the moral high ground by reminding the girl that as Yoh's senior, they have an obligation to take care of him when he's unwell. He's still friendly about it though. **優しい (yasashii) - kind. This word pops up a lot to describe Segasaki, we'll talk about it at the end of this episode.

Y: あの　いいんですか？ S: あそこ戻りたかった？ Y: いえ Y: Um... is this okay? S: You wanted to go back there? Y: No

Y: いつも　友達に囲まれてるこの人が なんでこうして　俺と一緒に歩いてるのかわからなくて 不思議だった Y: This person, whose friends were always surrounding him... I just couldn't understand why he'd walk together with me like this It was a mystery to me.

Y: あの顔が　信じられないほど近くにあった 耳元に届いた声の響きまで　良いものであることに 気づいてしまった Y: That face was... so close to me I could scarcely believe it And it dawned on me then How wonderfully pleasing Even the notes of his voice drifting pass my ears sounded

The scene in the library I've included right at the top, but I'm going to add the conversation that happens during Yoh's monologue, since the subs have them sort of mixed in.

S: 葉 S: 何してんの？ Y: え？えと、あの、本を探せて... S: この本面白いよ Y: え？ Y: ありがとうございます S: また感想教えて Y: はい S: Yoh S: What're you doing? Y: Eh! Um, ah.. I'm looking for a book... (inaudible) S: This book is interesting Y: Eh? Y: Thank you very much S: Tell me your thoughts on it next time Y: Yes

Segasaki's already dropped the polite suffix "-kun" behind Yoh's name here, and doesn't actually bother to let Yoh finish saying thank you before he tells him to report back about the book. Yoh on the other hand, is still using the full, formal and polite version of thank you, and answers him properly. Segasaki's taken the initiative to get closer to Yoh - he's already speaking to him like how he does in the present day (just, not roughly), but Yoh hasn't gotten comfortable enough yet to drop the formalities - or, he simply may not be sure if he can.

Navigating formalities and when to drop them is tricky, and requires some degree of social intuition. Generally speaking, Segasaki dropping a speech level should be a sign that it might be okay for Yoh to drop as well (not to the same level of course, just a little less formal) - but given how Yoh sees them as living in different worlds, and how fearful he is of being hated, it's unlikely that he'd want to touch the status quo.

Y: あの人の気持ち？ Y: That person's feelings?

Yoh's pretty much stuck to the phrase "that person" when referring to Segasaki this whole episode, even during his flashback. He tends to do this when he's feeling some distance between them (like in Ep 2).

On screen messages: Y: What is Kintsuba? S: You don't even know what Kintsuba is? Y: I'm sorry [Yesterday] S: I'll be back late today Y: Understood [Today] (unread) S: Just give the editor some kind of excuse, and come back right now

A: 随分　追い込まれてたねぇ Y: 気持ちを言葉にするとか　あんまりしたことなくて Y: 他人の気持ちなんて　なおさら A: You've pretty much been cornered, huh?* Y: Putting feelings into words and all... I've never really done that myself... Y: Let alone (doing that for) another person's feelings. *This is in reference to Man-san asking Yoh to write out Segasaki's feelings

A: めちゃくちゃにしてやる, めちゃくちゃにして..x10 A: Gonna mess you up, mess you up... x 10

Yes, this does sound like a line straight out of a bad Jp AV 🤣🤣. I mean, we're talking about scenes from Man-san's manga right? That they had to mosaic out? 🤣🤣

Now you know why Segasaki is pissed.

S: 可奈美さんも一緒に仕事してるんですか？ M: すみません！瀬ケ崎さんにご報告もせずに進めてしまって S: いや、可奈美さんのせいじゃないですよ S: Kanami-san, are you also doing your work together with him? M: I apologize! We ended up moving forward without even alerting you about it! S: No, it's not your fault, Kanami-san

You can tell Segasaki has misunderstood here - he thinks Man-san has also been called to work at this Editor's place, and is completely not listening to what she has said, hence her ?? reaction 🤣

S: あ、すみません 急用ができてしまったので葉を迎えに来ました S: Ah, I apologize An urgent matter arose, and so I've come to pick Yoh up.

Segasaki's being quite formal here, but this is not the way to be polite. The "proper" way to request leave to go home early on behalf of someone else would be to first, apologize specifically for the disruption, introduce yourself and your relation to that person, apologize that an urgent matter has come up, regrettably but firmly insist that said person must return home immediately on pain of death, apologize again for all the trouble caused, promise to make up for it, humbly ask for understanding, and then apologize your way out the door.

So yes, despite the polite word forms this is quite rude, and is so far removed from Segasaki's usual "public mode" that it cracks me up. Segasaki's composure is unravelling by the second in these next few scenes - he is pissed and absolutely does.not.give.a.shit. 🤣

From right to left: S: So, this bastard is the famed Editor huh... S: Don't you dare try to deceive and pull tricks on Yoh! S: The hell you doing touching him like that so freely!! A: Who (is this)?

The language gets progressively ruder the more the speech bubbles get pointy and the larger the font gets🤣🤣

M: 瀬ケ崎さん　やっぱ強いわ～ M: Segasaki-san really has a strong presence after all~

Y: 黙っててごめんなさい* S: あのさ Y: はい S: ああいうのがいいわけ？ Y: え？ S: 俺より　あの男のどこがいいわけ？ Y: I'm sorry for keeping this from you!* S: Tell me Y: Yes S: Is that what you like? Y: Huh? S: Compared to me, just how is that guy better? *Yoh uses the full but informal version of "sorry" here - gomen nasai. Making a note of this here so I can come back to it in one of the analysis posts.

Y: え、いや Y: 比べるものじゃないと思うけど。。 S: あるんだろうが　俺より　いいところが S: まあ、納得する理由がない限り俺は認めねえけどな Y: 強いて言えば　優しいかな* Y: 人の話を　ちゃんとじっくり聞いてくれるし Y: Um, no... Y: I don't think it's something that can be compared... S: There is something, isn't there? Some way in which he's better than me S: Though, unless you give me something I think is reasonable I won't accept it Y: Well if I had to say something then... maybe, he's kind?* Y: I mean, he listens carefully and attentively to what someone has to say...

*優しい (yasashii) - often translated as "kind", it encompasses the ideas of "caring", "tenderness", "thoughtful/considerate", "warm/gentle". It's often a trait people say they look for in their significant other.

This word has come up often to describe Segasaki - in Ep 2, Segasaki uses it to describe himself, in Ep 3, Yoh uses it to describe Segasaki's voice, and of course here in Ep 6, red shirt uses it to describe Segasaki again. Even when the word isn't said out loud, a lot of Segasaki's actions would fit this word - In Ep 2, when he picks up after Yoh and comforts him during their not-argument. In Ep 3, when he passes Yoh his gift, and implies there's nothing to be sorry for. In Ep 4, the way he coaxes Yoh. In Ep 5, when he takes care of Yoh. In Ep 6, he speaks up for Yoh in the cafeteria when he doesn't have to, when he goes to help Yoh. The irony of this moment is that Segasaki puts in a lot of effort and probably does pride himself in being yasashii, and he listens to Yoh better than Yoh listens to himself, and yet he hears from Yoh that he isn't yasashii or attentive, which explains the pained expression on his face.

S: あ、そう S: 俺先行くわ* S: Oh, is that so? S: I'm going ahead then* *わ (wa) - this ending particle puts emphasizes one's statement, but is not one that Segasaki usually uses. It's less forceful that his usual speech, because he's quite hurt by Yoh's statements.

Y: かばんに入ってたやつ　戻しといてから Y: The thing that was inside my bag, I put it back so... The way Yoh ends this sentence leaves room for a follow up - it's an invitation to continue the conversation, which we actually have not seen him do with Segasaki, and that's why he looks so dejected when Segasaki rejects that invitation by walking away.

Though it's been hinted at throughout the show, Ep 6 is where we get confirmation that Yoh's just never quite fit in with the crowd, and that Segasaki has always been in the center of it. The stark difference explains why Yoh is so afraid that one day he will do something to make Segasaki hate him, and why he reflexively rejects the idea that Segasaki could possibly love him.

This episode is painful, for both of them. For Yoh, because from the intensity of his monologues, we finally get a sense of how big a presence Segasaki is to him, and therefore, how devastating it would be to lose him. For Segasaki, because for all that he can read Yoh, for all that he has done to try and reassure Yoh of his love, he still cannot make Yoh see, cannot make Yoh hear.

"If he ended up hating me then I felt like I might die."

It is precisely Yoh's love for Segasaki that makes Yoh fear the possibility of losing him, and it is that fear that blinds, deafens and mutes Yoh to the very thing he hopes for. And it is in trying to protect himself, that he inadvertently hurts the very person he loves so much.

[cringefaecompilation]

cannot stand it when i see posts saying orym could/can only ever have concrete conversations about himself and his feelings with either dorian or ashton or that they're the only people that would understand what he's going through. asides from the Women Just Don't Get It-ness of it all, like:

i rest my case

[branch-wdk53]

Unique weapon circumstances

I think aside from the OP duo (Haru & Finn), Neville, Asuka and Acacia are the most likely to dual different EGO weapons.

Maybe Velasquez as well, if it weren’t for the fact that he doesn’t like using his right arm.

[salemontrial]

Finished watching gravity falls for the first time ever

[vaugarde]

no im not a misandrist…… im crazy about my male ocs…….

[itsagrimm]

metro 2033 Artyom: daddy issues

metro 2035 Artyom: being a daddy and having issues

[shadowhaert]

starting my short stories for submission

[moe-broey]

There's just like a lot of things about me that make me feel like I'm profoundly unlovable

[starwonderz]

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

to create.

For as long as you can remember, it's never been enough to just experience this world as an observer. You aren't satisfied merely consuming the work of others. This world is rife with inspiration. You can't look at it without wanting to bring something of your own into it. It's not enough just to experience it, you have to depict those experiences, the ideas they inspire in you. Your feelings and thoughts churn inside you, begging to be given shape. You are full to the point of overflowing and you'll burst if you don't get it out somehow. You are a born artist, someone who can't live without creating something of their own along the way. Perhaps you wish there was some way you could pour this entire existence out into your work, engrave your entire being into something that will outlive you. There is a universe inside you and your greatest fear might just be dying before you can get it all out. So, don't let yourself be held back by fears of inadequacy. It's very vulnerable, to share yourself with the world as an artist does. Fear is only natural, but don't let it be what stops you. You're here to create what no one else can, to bring out into the world all the ideas you'd otherwise take to the grave. You are a person who will never exist twice, a human who will never walk this earth as you do now again. This life is an opportunity to do what no one else can do for you. So, don't waste it holding yourself back from creating the art that couldn't exist without you. Write, draw, sculpt, sing, do whatever it is you want to do! Even if it's clumsy, even if it doesn't turn out exactly like you wanted, you will have made something no one else can. No matter how many similar ideas others have, no one else will execute them exactly like you. The fruits of your hands can't be replicated. However subtle, they have a touch that no one else can imitate, your own unique fingerprint. What could be more worth devoting your life to, than bringing into this world that which couldn't exist without you?

[clarabowmp3]

Also I started reading this book Everyone I Know is Dying by Emily slapper and good lord does it take you on a trip

[anaalnathrakhs]

i'm going to be honest i have no idea what i'm going to do. i messed up my choices for higher education and now i have barely a couple days to pick between a cursus way too difficult for me, a highly specialized cursus with shit outcomes, and a leap of faith into whatever kind of gap year alternative can get me out of my parents' hair for the time being. note how i have no fucking idea what that alternative could be, or what path i'd like to take ideally. fun.