#fanfiction jokes

[paigegonerogue]

I, of mostly sound body and spirit, request that if I’m ever to die, someone post a new work on my AO3 that says “sorry, she died, ongoing stories postponed forever” because don’t I want my fanfic buddies to think I ghosted them. Amen or whatever you say in a will.

[authorholmie]

when 3AM rolls around but sleeping no longer matters because you just reached the peak angst in a 65 chapter fanfic

[authorholmie]

Writing to publish is the same

People worrying if their fic is too self indulgent like....... that is the point of fanfiction. You are supposed to indulge . Every fic is self indulgent

[codecicle]

Whar does rpf mean 💔💔💔

historians aren't quite sure. Albert Einstein's last words were "rpf is fine" and we've been searching ever since

[choccy-milky]

herbology class 🌹🌿 (from chap 2 of my fic!)

[casually-eat-my-soul]

Can someone please write a fic about that one scene where stiles grabs Derek’s face in magic bullet.

Where although he was out of it Derek could feel stiles fingers trail across his face. He could feel how softly and careful stiles was in that one moment. It had been the first touch from a human, from anyone, that did not cause Derek pain.

And when Derek wakes up he’s just obsessed with being touched by stiles again because he remembered how good it felt, how finally someone touched him and it didn’t hurt. Derek refused to wash his face for like three days after this because stiles had unknowingly scent marked him, and he couldn’t make himself get rid of the scent. How it made Derek feel like he wasn’t alone.

This action makes Derek’s wolf believe that stiles is pack, (stiles is the first pack Member!!) and he just keeps ending up in embarrassing situations trying to get stiles attention and his hands and him.

He probably just ends up blurting it out at stiles one day. Or maybe after killing Peter, he just get handle the weight of being alone, of killing the last member of his family, of being touched by Kate, of being hurt.

So he drags his body to stiles house and just gets on his knees and begs stiles to touch him, to make it stop hurting.

And stiles knows how hard it is to lose a family member so he does. He doesn’t think this will happen again, he just understands that Derek needs comfort. But Derek comes back over and over again and every time begs stiles to touch him. And stiles does, every time.

It becomes a comfort thing for the both of them, stiles running his fingers over the planes of Derek’s face. Derek gets to relax in the one place he’s safe, listening to stiles humming or muttering and the beat of his heart. It becomes a need, but soon stiles touching Derek isn’t enough, Derek wants to touch stiles. He wants to return the favour, he wants to scent mark stiles back. So everyone will know that stiles is claimed, that he is protected by an alpha who would kill for him. And he gets the chance to on the anniversary of stiles mother’s death.

Stiles is just so tired, his dad is working, will be all night. Scott is with Allison, and stiles doesn’t have the energy to beg him to pick him tonight. So he goes to Derek; Stiles isn’t really sure what this arrangement that he and Derek have but tonight he is the one who needs. He drives to the hale house and ends up sobbing by the time he gets there. He’s just sitting in the jeep in front of the hale house and he can’t move. And suddenly Derek is there.

Derek was already worried when he could hear the engine of the jeep pull up but when it turned off and all Derek could hear was stiles crying, he moved without thinking. He yanked the driver side door open and his heart broke. Stiles was sitting there trying to calm himself down, rubbing the tears from his face but nothing was working. So when stiles turned his head to him, eyes pleading and whining, Derek picked him up and carried him bridal style into the house. Derek just holds him for hours, memorizing the way stiles feels under his fingertips.

In the aftermath Stiles makes one joke about being a blushing bride (due to the blush on his face and being carried bridal style) and Derek is just hit with a vision of being married to stiles. Of being about to always be allowed to touch stiles and blue screens. Unfortunately Derek wolf takes this as expressed agreement that stiles is mated and married to them.

Derek buys rings the next day. Sure it takes him a few more years to propose but it’s the thought that counts. (Cocky Derek hale who flirts with stiles by calling him his pretty little wife, just to see stiles blush a pretty pink for him. But one day stiles responds that he doesn’t have a ring, so Derek just gives it to him.)

[authorholmie]

If you use goodreads like an AO3 comment thread, I will love it.

To my readers:

If your comment is long and rambling and full of quotes you enjoyed, I will love it.

If your comment is full of story related questions, I will love it.

If your comment is a single sentence, I will love it.

If your comment is a single emoji, or a string of them, I will love it.

If you comment, I will love it. It's that simple.

[technically-human]

THEY CANCELLED DEAD BOY DETECTIVES :(((

Guess they belong to me the fandom now

[shadowbends]

Looking through your Ao3 bookmarks and seeing that little “This has been deleted, sorry!” is like finding a gravestone, but the writing’s too worn down to read what it was standing for anymore.

What were you, Bookmark #336... What stories did you tell? Which words were it that once left a mark on my soul?  *touches my laptop screen like it’s text from an ancient ruin*

Cowabummer. 

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

[paigegonerogue]

What if we’re living in an AU on AO3?

What if there’s another version of us in cannon running around killing monsters, but some random person wrote our lives ‘Alternate Universe—Modern Setting’ style?

What if that time you said ‘That’s make a good TV show’ the author was telling an ironic joke and giggling to themself?

What if when you meet a weird person on the street you never see again, the author was doing an Easter Egg for the readers where that was another character from the story?

What if you’re straight in canon but so queer-coded the fandom decided you weren’t?

What if you’re written OOC?

What if—

[authorholmie]

Who else here struggles with the utter brain rot of writing due to instant gratification from social media?

[gender-thief2]

“Crimson rivers is better than the hunger games,” I say into the mic.

The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room.

“They’re right,” they say. I look for the owner of the voice. There in the 1st row stands: Suzanne Collins.

[icurushasfallen]

Hear me out: Logan had cuteness aggression with Wade.

I mean, come on! Just look at him. How could anyone not want to smush his face between their palms and shake violently.

But I don’t think Logan has the same cuteness aggression like other people. You know how it goes, you see a cute dog or cat or some animal and start to baby-talk and pet and cuddle them. (Aka Wade with Puppins) Or maybe you’ll bend to the creatures every whim and give that animal/pet an extra treat because ‘they’re such a good boy!!!!!’

Logan? Nah. No way in hell. His cuteness aggression is literal aggression. He’ll straight up see Wade make a face like this:

And just. Bite. Grip. HERE ME OUT

When they’re dancing around each other and then just freshly dating. Logan’s hands are to himself. Gentle, light touches like Wade is a fragile little thing. But then as things start to pick up and they start to learn each other’s boundaries and such- he’s going fucking feral.

I imagine Wade doing something stupid or purposefully annoying and then just does a slight expression that makes Logan’s heart ache. Or when the light catches just so on Wade’s pocked features and illuminates perfectly.

What else can Logan do but bite and grip.

I Imagine him just gripping Wade’s shoulder tightly and sinking his teeth in. Maybe even shaking him about a little. And at first Wade’s like ‘What the fuck peanut? Did I do something wrong 😑’ But then he learns why Logan does it and then is all like ‘OMFG YOU A PUPPY :D’ or ‘MARK ME UP BIG BOY’

Maybe in the wee hours of the morning or night Logan with just straight up lick Wade’s neck. Not even in a sexual way, just like a cat lick or something. I really like the idea of Logan being a feral hybrid man who for once in his life can truly be himself without restriction, restraint or judgement. Because honestly, Wade’s just as manic and feral.

@atimesfeeler @ramblingautisticman

@icarusredwings @twilightkitkat @bougiebutchbinch

[ultravioletbrit]

“dark” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 358 words

cw: panic attack

James and Regulus are cuddled up on the couch. The curtains are closed, and the room is only lit by dimmed lights and the flicker of the forgotten film playing in the background. Suddenly, the minimal lighting is gone, and the room is bathed it darkness.

Regulus instantly pulls away with a sharp breath then immediately clings to James’ side.

“The power must have gone—" James starts before noticing Regulus has gone completely stiff. “Reg? Are you okay?”

“Uh-huh.” Regulus answers numbly.

“Reg?” James proceeds very cautiously. “Erm… Are you afraid of the dark?”

“No.” Regulus scoffs, very unconvincingly.

“You’re squeezing my hand pretty hard—” James says, his voice full of concern.

“Sorry. I just—" Regulus lets go of James’ hand.

“No. No, come here.” James pulls Regulus back giving him one of his hands and wrapping his other arm around him tightly. That’s when he notices Regulus’ irregular breathing.

“Okay, love. I’ve got you. Squeeze my hand as hard as you need to, but I need you to breathe with me, okay?” James tells him and starts taking deep breaths until Regulus is able to match his breathing.

“It’s okay. You’re okay, I’ve got you.” James whispers and he feels Regulus give him a shaking nod against his chest.

“I’m sorry… I just… I erm… I used to—" Regulus sputters.

“It’s okay.” James says again. “Alright, we’re going to stand up—" Regulus clings to James tighter. “I won’t let go, and you won’t let go of my hand. We’re just going to walk to the hall closet and get a torch and some candles, alright?” James explains and he feels Regulus nod again.

They make it to the closet and back to the couch with the torch and James lights several candles. He wraps his arms around Regulus, and they cuddle up on the couch again.

“I’m sorry.” Regulus says again. “You probably think—"

“I don’t think anything, not about this.” James says and squeezes Regulus.

“I’m sorry about your hand.” Regulus tells him.

“You’ll make it up to me.” James says sweetly, and he can practically feel Regulus rolling his eyes as he cuddles impossibly closer.

[hunnicute]

I don’t know why but I have this vivid scene in my head of post war Hawkeye grocery shopping in Crabapple Cove and blatantly talking out loud to himself. When anyone makes eye contact he talks right to them then carries on around the store. Like having a commentary on everything everywhere never left him even though he doesn’t have the war to complain about or someone always at his elbow to complain to.

One of the people he went to school with sees him and comes home to their partner like “I saw Hawkeye Pierce today, and I think he’s really lost it. Such a shame, you know he was always a little strange but he was always so funny! He’d say the oddest thing but it always made you laugh. I wonder what happened to him.”

And he’s the same. He’s literally the same guy but it’s just not funny anymore.