#experiencing something like this would fix me
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Worked in accounting as it was the only open position.
It's not that I can't do basic accounting, a lot of it is just math. And you can even enjoy it occasionally, but it was not my goal.
I had background education as an IT. Wanted to work in IT but always got shut down. So accounting it is.
The company I worked for had an opening for IT support. This is company of 3k people, 400 in the building. Most people in the building knew me for solving their computer problems at one time or another (while working for accounting). There was usually a call from someone in the building if I can come just for a quick look before the IT could even get to their ticket. And I got there and they try to explain and I saw what's wrong. And tried to fix it before returning to my spreadsheets.
It often happened, especially with those older males who yell instead of speaking, that they went for coffee or a smoke in the meantime. Their office phone rang while I tried to fix whatever the problem was. I could see it was IT and I answered and said hello and on the other side I could hear: "Oh, thankgod you're there! I had enough yelling. Can you tell me the actual error it is showing?"
So when the opening happened, I thought I finally have the opportunity to switch to IT support. I'd finally do what I enjoy and i still get to help people and finally be paid for it.
Got to the interview with the boss. He sees my education, he heard about me, he does the interview and ends up with: "yes, I am looking for a secretary".
Excuse me? I didn't apply for a secretary position, I applied for an IT support position. When I asked around the guys said that yes, there is an empty desk in Huston (company nickname for IT support) because so and so left and they look forward to having me if I can get through the interview with the boss.
So I tell this man that I signed up for an IT support not secretary position, and he tells me that no, there is no job for IT support but for his secretary. He has many things to schedule, you see and.... The HR just messed up.
And 2y before that when I was new I would believe him and thought nothing of it. But I worked in accounting for 2y, I knew the people, I knew the HR and I knew the IT support. And I knew there was a space open. But he is now telling me there isn't.
I said that sorry I don't want to do secretary work and if that's the only position open I guess I'm staying in the accounting. Calling his bluff.
This man shook my hand and said sorry. I went back to the accounting. 1 week later they hired a new IT support. No secretary.
They hired someone fresh out of college. But he was male and it struck me then that i have experienced sexism. And I got even more frustrated with the company.
Went to the company competitor who immediately hired me as an IT system analytics and creator of the new accounting system. They were happy I had some background in accounting, they were happy I came from the competitor because I knew what the industry needed and since I was in accounting there it didn't break any competitor clause.
I have an amazing team. Pay could be a bit better but for now it is good enough. The fact that I'm doing something I like is a huge plus.
There was a time when women did these jobs.
Some of them really liked the work and were keen to continue doing it. But society basically told them to collectively "get back in the kitchen" when the men returned home from war.
The tradition of conditioning women, from birth, to have a distaste for these jobs continued. Young girls are discouraged from even taking an interest in the toys representing these occupations. God forbid they put Barbie in the firetruck.
The truth is, most men do not want women doing these jobs. They complain about how dangerous this work is and use that as a metaphorical bludgeon in debates about equality. But when women actually try to be firefighters and combat infantry, they are told they *can't* do these jobs. They are inferior. Those who are hired have to work twice as hard to get half the respect. They are inundated with sexism and misogyny. And many end up quitting, not because they aren't qualified or they don't like the work, but because their male coworkers make the jobs intolerable.
And instead of fighting to make these occupations safer and valued properly, these men just complain that feminists don't know how hard it is and how they don't understand what it's like to risk their lives for no money or benefits. And then rich assholes like Elon stoke these flames because he doesn't want these men to realize this is a class struggle rather than a culture war. And that feminists and "woke activists" would actually be wonderful allies in helping them get better conditions.
Lastly, there are feminists talking about this. There are plenty of non-men interested in these jobs. But I doubt Elon keeps up with very much feminist discourse other than what he invents in his imagination.
Beyond that, feminists can't seem to prioritize stuff like this in the mainstream because they are too busy trying to regain control of their uteruses.
Did I miss anything?
Oh yeah, fuck Elon and fuck "End Wokeness".
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Cyber Sex 💿 M. Sturniolo
"W-was it good?"
✘ sub!matt, loser!matt, domish!reader, riding, hand jobs, titty sucking, one use of mommy.
PT 1 PT2 PT3
Decided to give yall an early xmas gift!!! enjoy the last part to cyber sex!!!!
Weeks.
It's been weeks since she had seen Matt and given him a blowjob. He had accepted his reward of taking her out on a date, but now it seemed like he was avoiding her.
Which was partially true.
As always, he was focused on his studies, especially with finals coming up. He stayed cooped up in his room or in the library, taking notes on top of notes. Passing all his tests was one of the only things on his mind, the other being her.
He wasn't trying to avoid her on purpose, but he will admit he's been milking the studying excuse.
It wasn't that he didn't like her, he was infatuated with her. It was just the fact the she was...well, her.
Everything about her was intimidating to him, the way she carried herself, the way she smiled, the way she squinted her eyes when she was up to no good.
She was a force to be reckoned with, and she knew it too.
So here she was, gathering the bags of takeout and other things, leaving her apartment with one thing on her mind.
Matt.
She doesn't take the elevator, knowing that the stairs would be quicker, and she's right.
Soon, she's standing in front of Matt's door, a determined look on her face. She knocks twice and waits impatiently for the door to open.
Unfortunately for her, it doesn't. She huffs and knocks again, but this time louder, the impatience she's feeling only getting stronger. Soon, she hears the muffled sound of cursing and some movement before the door opens.
" Hell-" Matt's breath catches in his throat as he sees her in all her glory. His eyes widen, and he fixes his glasses, looking off to the side.
"H-Hey what are you-" She ignores him and pushes her way into the apartment, looking around for a few seconds before setting her items down on the coffee table.
"Alright Matthew, let's talk." The tone of her voice makes him look down at the floor.
"You have been avoiding me, I don't know why, but you have, and to be honest, I don't like it. So what's your issue?"
He scoffs softly and crosses his arms, looking like a scolded child.
"M'not avoiding you..." He trails off, knowing good and well that he's lying. She stands in front of him and tilts her head, not believing him for a second. " Oh really? You're not avoiding me? Fine then, guess I'll go tell someone else that they wo-No!" He shouts unexpectedly. A small smirk makes its way onto her face as he watches him fidget anxiously.
"I-I'm sorry ok? I just....Like I said, you make me nervous, and then finals are starting, so I've just been everywhere... I-I didn't mean to make you feel bad o-or anything." Her smirk drops as she realizes this runs deeper than him simply avoiding her.
He truly was scared and nervous; this was all new to him, and he didn't know how to navigate it, and finals coming up wasn't helping him at all.
She softens her demeanor as he continues on, rambling in an attempt to clear the air. "I-I do want to take you on a date...I just don't want to disappoint you o-or embarrass myself..." She wasn't dumb, she could read between the lines.
He didn't want to disappoint her sexually.
"Matt....You don't have to worry about th-"
"Ok but it is something to worry about! I'm 21, and I've never done anything remotely sexual! All I do is stay to myself and study! I might as well be called a loser! hell, maybe even an incel!"
She stares at him with a straight face, "Matt-"
"And then here you are, the most experienced person I've met, the most prettiest girl, and yet I'm being a pussy and won't even take you out on a date! I'm fumbling! Hard! If this were a test, I'd fail!"
She finds herself smiling softly at his academic analogies.
"Are you done?" She asks him once he finally stops talking. He huffs and adjusts his glasses, running a hand through his hair. "Good. Now shut up and listen to me." She takes a step closer to him, his breath hitching.
"I don't care about any of that, ok? I don't care that you're a virgin and that I was the first girl to hear you moan." His cheeks flush a soft pink, his palms getting sweaty.
"What I care about is a boy that I find cute, sexual feelings aside, won't take me out on a date.....Now, I got takeout and a Lego set I'm not building alone. Do you want to join, take a break from studying?"
So there they were in Matt's living room, giggling and building a Lego set, the empty boxes of takeout discarded on the coffee table. The tension once in Matt's shoulder had disappeared, now knowing nothing was expected of him, and she wasn't worried about any of that.
He was able to relax, slowly coming out of his shell. She enjoyed his company, his witty remarks, his dad jokes, and the way he laughed. She was getting to know more about him and his life.
He was a good person to be around.
"I don't know where the piece goes!" He grunts in frustration as he tries to shove the Lego piece against another. She chuckles and snatches the instructions off the floor and holds them up. "This is why we have instructions, but no, you're too good for instructions.'' she teases.
He looks at her with a face of mock annoyance, "I'll have you know I've built multiple Lego sets with no instructions!" He points towards the various sets displayed around his apartment.
"Ok well, clearly your no instructions streak is over." Matt huffs and snatches the instruction from her grasp, shooting her a sharp look when he hears her snickering. He looks down at the small words and begins to read them, his eyes darting across the page as his tongue pokes out in concentration. As he does so, she takes the time to really examine him.
He had on a white thermal along with some grey sweatpants, his hair was a bit messy from how many times he ran his fingers through it, and he just looked
good.
"I think I got it!" His shouts of excitement brought her out of her daze, her eyes trailing down to the paper pamphlet falling to the floor. She sits on her knees and moves closer, their faces side by side as he puts the Lego piece in its correct spot. His hands moved quickly as he put the other parts together, his body bouncing in excitement.
It doesn't take long for the display to be finished, Matt's head whipping towards her.
"Done! Told you I didn't need the-" His words trail off once he realizes how close she is. She feels his body tense and his breath hitch, his eyes darting between her lips and eyes.
She quickly takes notice, the corners of her mouth twitching gently.
"Do you wanna kiss me?"
Her voice comes out in a teasing whisper, her eyes taunting him. He gives a slight nod, his tongue darting out to lick his dry lips.
"Y-yeah...."
"Then kiss me."
It's cute to her how scared he was, the way he slowly leaned forward and softly placed his lips against hers. She hums and stops him from pulling away, deepening the kiss and taking full control, allowing her tongue to enter his mouth. She pushes him back against the bottom of the couch and climbs into his lap, pressing her chest against his.
She giggles softly feeling his cock begin to harden underneath her, the tent growing bigger and bigger. She grinds against him, enjoying the way he whimpers softly.
She goes to pull his pants down, but he quickly grabs her hands, stopping it from going further.
"W-wait wait! I-I'm sorry, I umm-" He clears his throat as he pulls away from the kiss, his breathing ragged.
"Hey hey-" She caresses his face and chest gently, trying to calm him down. "What are you saying sorry for? We don't have to do anything you don't want to."
"I-I want to I just...." His face turns beet red as he thinks about him being a virgin. He knew that she already knows this information, but having to say it out loud, the thought, It was just embarrassing for him.
"I know, that doesn't bother me Matt."
"I-It doesn't?" He was confused, why would it not bother her? Why isn't it bothering her? Don't girls want a guy who knows what he's doing in the bedroom?
She smiles and plants her lips against his once more, " Nope-" she trails a few kisses up to his ear before whispering,
"- It's the perfect way to teach you what I like."
He can't help the groan that leaves his mouth, the thought of her morphing him into her perfect plaything, her teaching him how to please her....He loved it.
He slowly lets go of her wrists and allows her to pull his sweatpants off along with his boxers. She wastes no time, wrapping her hand around him and slowly jerking him off. He sighs out, the stress and tension in his body fading away with every stroke.
Her thumb swipes over his tip, his lips parting slightly. Her hand felt better than his, it was so soft, smaller than his own.
He's embarrassed with how quick his balls tighten, his dick twitching in her grasp. He was close to cuming, and that's not what she wanted.
She pulls her hand away and moves back, pulling her own pants and underwear off. She settles back down in his lap, grinding their bodies together. Her bare and wet cunt only provide him with more pleasure, his breathing speeding up rapidly.
"Gonna let me ride you?" She asks breathlessly, her own pleasure rising due to his tip nudging her cunt repeatedly. He finds himself nodding eagerly, too excited and lost in pleasure to form a complete sentence.
She smiles and crashes their lips together once more. She situates herself on top of him, lining his tip up with her entrance before sinking down.
It's always the slip-in that gets her.
Her head falls onto his shoulder as his head tilts back onto to couch cushions, her thighs quivering at the stretch.
He was perfect, just as she had thought. He stretched her out just right, filling her up to the point where she found it hard to breathe.
This was a new and exciting feeling for him, it took everything in him not to cum on the spot. Her spongy, wet, and warm walls felt different from the ones inside her mouth, and he didn't know which ones he liked better.
She begins to move back and forth, grinding against him before starting to bounce up and down. Her soft and pretty moans flow through the apartment, making it harder for Matt to think straight. She was like a siren, clouding his mind with her sweet melodic songs, luring him to the ocean for his death.
His hands stay limp at his sides, his fingers twitching as they itch to touch her.
But he was scared, scared that if he did touch her, she'd disappear, and he'd wake up thinking this was all a dream.
"Fffuck Matt, s-so big!" She pants in his ear, her arms wrapped around his neck as she continues to bounce on him.
Her thighs and calves quickly become tired, a pout forming on her face as she looks at him, begging him to help and touch her.
"T-touch me Matt - Shit!- P-please!"
He couldn't say no to that face, he'd be dumb if he did.
So he finally caves, wrapping his arms around her like a bear and helping her keep up with her own movements. He adjusts his legs so they are propped up, and gently begins to buck his hips, meeting her every time she lands on his lap.
She gasps as he hits that special spot deep inside of her, her orgasm getting closer and closer. Their lips connect once more, their tongues messily fighting and their teeth clashing.
He holds her tightly, his fingernails digging into her skin, leaving small indents.
He needed to be closer.
Without a second thought, he removes her shirt, her breast falling free and bouncing in his face. He doesn't know what came over him, but neither of them was complaining.
She throws her head back as he takes one of her nipples into his mouth, and fondles the other. He sucks gently, using his teeth to gently nibble on the skin.
He moans in delight, his eyes closing, his glasses lopsided as he finally gets to experience all that he's been waiting for.
"Shi-it! S-so close, please please please, don't stop!" She begs, urging him to push her over the edge. He follows her directions, not changing anything he's doing, and continuing to pleasure her.
He feels his own orgasm approaching, his whimpers turning into loud and deep moans.
"Fuck, pl-Oh god! M-mommy!" He didn't even realize he said it, but she heard it loud and clear, and it was just enough to push her over the edge.
She moans loudly and falls against his chest, her juices trickling out and down his shaft. The feeling of her walls clamping down on him repeatedly was enough to make him follow her lead, hot spurts of cum painting her insides.
They lay against the couch, the both of them panting softly, still wrapped in each other's embrace. She slowly peels her body away from his and smiles at his flushed cheeks and dazed expression.
"W-was it good?" He asks in between labored breaths, his nerves clear as day. It was obvious he was eager to please her, wanting to hear her praises and words of reassurance.
"You were perfect pretty boy......Can you handle another round?"
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| Dark Tendrils of Obsession
warnings: MDNI, characters are 18+, manipulation, toxic relationship.
words: 3,773
Hogwarts Library was a haven for the wanderlusters. Seamless rows of bookshelves went on for ever towards the horizon, holding access to all the knowledge someone could want. Here you first experienced the pressure of his stare.
Tom Riddle sat a few tables away, his dark eyes never quite leaving you. There was a perfection about him, a crispness in his bearing, and a captivating draw in his mannerly grace. He was polite at first. Courteous, even. His smile, restrained yet charming, made you feel special in a way that was both intoxicating and unsettling.
“Reading about alchemy, are you?" His voice was soft on the ear, so velvety, beneath the skin easy to burrow.
You nodded, too startled to respond immediately. “Yes, just... curious about the theories.”
"They are shallow and just care about pointless activities. However," he fixed his gaze on yours and said, "You have depth."
From then on, he was constantly present. Helping you while studying, sitting on the nearby bench with you, offering assistance, and guiding you through the dim hallways. You enjoyed his company at first. Because of his intelligence, good looks, and total allure, it seemed hard to resist him.
But then, the cracks began to show.
Tom’s love became controlling. He wouldn't let you spend time with your buddies and he would retort to you in a very calm voice, "They don't know you the way I know you," each time you tried to counter him.
If you casually mentioned a friend from another place, his smile would fade. “Why spend time with someone who’s not on your level?" he’d say.
One night, you were trapped in the library. Tom, usually calm, was acting very intense, and it made you feel uneasy.
“I’ve noticed how they look at you,” he whispered, in a low and suspenseful tone. “Do you really think they care about you? That they’ll ever truly understand who you are?”
“Tom, you’re overreacting," you said, trying to move away, but he grabbed your wrist and held you there.
"I'm the only one who understands you," he said, clutching even more tightly. “The only one who ever will.”
More and more over time Tom's orchestration of your life became oppressive. Your friends started to drift away, unsure why you were changing.
“You’re imagining things," he said one night, his hand brushing a strand of hair from your face. “I only want what’s best for you. Why can’t you see that?”
His words burrowed into your mind, planting seeds of doubt. It was a smaller world, a world of shadows, and everything seemed to revolve around Tom. He was there all the time, watching, waiting, his presence a consolation and a torment.
That evening, following another and another, argument, you ended up in the Astronomy Tower, gale blowing in your face, panting and catching your breath. His load of affection, his pathos, his fixated desire was too much to bear.
“Thinking of escaping me? Tom’s voice cut through the night like a blade.
You spun around to see him standing there, his eyes alight with something dangerous.
"Tom, I give up, I can't go on any further", you gasped, your breath coming in ragged gasps.
“You can’t leave me,” he said, stepping closer. “You belong to me.”
There was madness in his gaze now, a burning consuming everything in its way. Yet there. was a gentleness, a yearn for which your heart ached.
“I’m the only one who can save you," he said, his hand reaching out to cup your cheek. “The only one who will ever love you this much.”
In the end, you couldn’t fight him. His love was too powerful, too overwhelming. It encircled you like a vice, squeezing out and consuming until there was nothing left of the person you once were.
However, as you drew further and further into the arms of his embraces, there was a part of you asking if this is how love was supposed to knock, totally crippling, and completely inescapable.
And Tom, with his lips touching your ear, sighs the phrase that traps you. “You’re mine, and I’ll destroy anyone who tries to take you away from me."
Tom's phantom touch remained, fingertips brushing against your cheek in an almost sonorous lightness, masking the fury behind those eyes.The stars above bore witness to the storm between you—a clash of your desperate need for freedom and his relentless obsession.
“You don’t have to fight this, he murmured, his voice soft now, almost hypnotic. He moved in closer, with his breath warm on the back of your neck. “I would give you the world, but you have to let me. You have to trust me.”
You trembled not with the cold but from the unyielding impact of his aura. Your body betrayed you, moving towards his grasp even as your mind cried out for separation. His hand settled to rest upon your neck and the point of his thumb made contact with the throb of your heart.
“You feel it too, don’t you? Tom’s voice dropped lower, seductive and commanding. “This connection between us... it’s undeniable.”
Before you could protest, his lips captured yours.The kiss was anything but gentle—desperate, possessive, consuming. It was as though he was trying to claim every part of you, to mark you as his in a way that no one could ever undo.
The days that unfolded after clouded days together constituted a blur of days snatched and touches not allowed. Tom’s obsession seeped into every corner of your life, his presence a constant shadow. But beneath his calculated control lay a smoldering passion that ignited every time you were alone together.
One night he caught you in an unguarded corridor, his dark eyes blazing with a passion that caused your legs to buckle.
“I can’t stop thinking about you, he admitted, his voice trembling with raw emotion. “You’re in my mind, my veins... you’ve consumed me.”made your legs tremble.
His hands found your waist, pulling you flush against him. You gasped, the air crackling with tension as he pressed you against the cold stone wall.
"Just tell me want this," he growled, lips grazing your jaw. “Tell me you’re mine.”
“I...” The syllables got lodged in your throat, your thoughts struggling against the force of his stare. However, as soon as his mouth touched down your neck, teeth scratching the skin, a moan escaped before you could stop it.
“That’s what I thought,” he breathed into their ear, satisfaction dripping from every word.
It wasn’t long before his desire for control extended beyond your emotions. He wanted all of you—your body, your soul, your very essence. And when he took you to the Room of Requirement, its walls shifted to reflect his dark desires: rich, crimson drapes, flickering candlelight, and a bed that seemed to beckon you into its velvet embrace.
“Do you know what you do to me?” Tom said, his hands sliding beneath your robes, his contact sending shivers go down your spine. His lips touched yours once more, this time gentler, but just as demanding.
As his hands explored your body, his whispers became more fervent, his love both a worship and a torment. He held you as if he feared that you, might vanish, every touch an endearment, an affirmation that he owned you and you belonged to only him.
When he finally laid you down, his gaze bore into yours, an intensity there that made your heart race. “You’re mine,” he repeated, the words a dark oath. “Every part of you belongs to me.”
Tom's possessive nature kept its claws on every tactile sensation and his need for you growing darker and more insatiable. He didn’t just want your love; he wanted your submission, your surrender. And as much as you fought against him, there was a part of you that found solace in his embrace, in the way he made you feel like the center of his universe.
Nevertheless, beneath the passion there was always the shadow of his control. Every touch, every kiss, every whispered word was a reminder that you were his—not because you chose to be, but because he had allowed it so.
And as he embraced you, his lips, forming patterns upon your body, you knew that running away was no longer a possibility. You were bound to him, entrapped in the dark, unbreakable web of his longing.
Tom’s obsession had become your prison, but you weren’t the same timid figure you once were. A faint spark, hope, somewhere down inside, a fire created out of the gray stuff of his choking adoration. You began to play his game, become drawn in by his traps, and by letting him believe he'd won.
It began with the most subtle acts of resistance disguised as acquiescence. The way your fingers gently played with the collar to adjust it for him, or when your lips graze his ear while you murmur sweet nothings to him. You learned to use his fixation as a tool, turning it into a weapon.
One night, in the hush of the Room of Requirement, you pushed a little further. The room had shifted into a lavish chamber, the dancing flame of the firelight casting shadows on the sharp features of Tom. He sat in an armchair, his posture commanding, his dark eyes watching your every move.
You stepped closer, slowly, deliberately. His eyes clouded as you climbed on his lap, straddle him.
"You think you got me, Tom," you hissed, your fingers tracing his cheek. “But maybe I’ve let you.”
His lip twitched into a smile, his arms wound around your waist. “You belong to me. You always have.”
Your hands slid down to the back of his shoulders, then his chest, fingers brushing against the faint pulse at his throat. His breath rose as your lips touched his neck, tickling and teasing just enough to elicit a groan.
“You’re intoxicating," he murmured, his voice unsteady for the first time.
You tipped the lower part of his chin upward with your fingers, brushing his lips against his. “Then let me intoxicate you.”
As he surrendered to your touch, his usual vigilance wavered. His hands closed around your waist. While his head leaned back and his eyes relaxed shut, that is when you made your move.
Your hand dropped to the wand, in the folds of your robe. Shaking slightly you raised the wand and and pushed it against his forehead.
“I’m sorry, Tom." you whispered, your voice trembling with a mixture of triumph and regret. His eyes flew open, confusion flashing across his face just as you murmured the incantation.
“Obliviate.”
Months Later
Freedom was bittersweet, though it was laced with an undercurrent of fear. Tom Riddle, once your captor in every sense, now passed you this morning in the corridor, an air of detached curiosity. His memory of you–the longing, the intimacy, the space—was gone.
At first, you didn’t believe it. You half expected him to lash out, to corner you and demand answers. However, days, weeks or months passed and Tom continued to be oblivious.
You began to rebuild your life. Friends returned, laughter rang true once more, and the choking weight of his presence faded. But a part of you never truly relaxed. You knew that if Tom ever remembered, his wrath would be unstoppable.
It happened one day in the library. Tom, alone, with his hands moving rapidly across the page of a book creased his forehead. A flicker of something familiar crossed his face—a spark of recognition, of understanding.
Memories came rushing back like a tidal wave, each one sharper than the last. The feel of your body against his, the fire in your eyes, the way you whispered his name—and the betrayal.
The anger boiled within him, but he did not act immediately. Instead, he watched, waited, planned.
It was late at night when he found you sneaking through the halls. Moonlight poured through the stained glass, forming a mosaic on the stone floor as you moved softly, book clutched.
"Out past curfew, are we?” His voice was hushed and ironic, the words making you stiff as a statue. You turned slowly, your heart racing as you saw him standing there, his Prefect badge glinting in the dim light. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes burned with something dangerous.
“I—was just returning this,” you stammered, holding up the book as if it would shield you from him.
Tom’s lips curled into a predatory smile. “Breaking the rules, are we? That’s a detention, I’m afraid.”
Before you could protest, his hand shot out, gripping your wrist. His touch was firm but not painful, his grip unrelenting as he led you through the dark halls.
“Tom, I can explain,” you started, but he silenced you with a sharp look.
“Oh, you’ll explain, alright,” he said, his tone dripping with menace. “You’ll explain everything.”
He brought you to a small, hidden room—a Prefect’s storage room rarely used. The door shut with a thud, and the silence that followed was deafening.
“I remember,” he said simply, stepping closer. His voice was calm, but his eyes betrayed his fury. “I remember everything.”
You took a step back, but he advanced, backing you against the wall.
“You thought you could erase me? Take what was mine and walk away unscathed?” His voice was dangerously low, his hand bracing against the wall beside your head.
“Tom, please,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “I had no choice—”
“You had every choice,” he snapped, his other hand gripping your chin and forcing you to meet his gaze. “And you chose to betray me.”
His lips brushed against your ear as he spoke, his voice a mix of anger and something darker. “But you didn’t account for one thing: I always get what I want. Always.”
His hands found your wrists, pinning them above your head as he leaned closer. “Do you know what I want now?”
Tom’s grip on your wrists tightened, his face mere inches from yours. His breath was warm against your skin, yet the fire in his eyes chilled you to your core.
“You think you’re clever, don’t you?” His voice was a low growl, dangerous and laced with venom. “Erasing my memories, taking away what’s mine. Do you think that could ever stop me?”
You opened your mouth to respond, but before you could, his lips crashed against yours. It wasn’t a kiss born of love or tenderness; it was fury incarnate. His mouth moved against yours with bruising force, his hands sliding to your waist, pinning you against the cold wall as though he wanted to imprint himself onto your very soul.
Your heart raced as your mind warred with your body. His touch was fire, scorching and unyielding, and yet some traitorous part of you leaned into him, matching his intensity.
Tom pulled back suddenly, leaving you gasping for air. A smirk curled his lips as he studied your dazed expression. “Pathetic,” he muttered, his tone dripping with mockery.
He stepped back, smoothing his hair as though the encounter hadn’t affected him in the slightest.
True to his word, Tom made your life a living hell. He was calculated in his cruelty, never overt enough to be caught but always precise in his attacks.
Your friends began to distance themselves, their once-warm smiles replaced by wary glances. Whispers followed you wherever you went, rumors planted by Tom’s silver tongue. Professors scolded you for assignments that mysteriously went missing, and your once-perfect quillwork was replaced by jagged, ink-stained parchment.
Every glance from him in the corridors felt like a blade to the chest. His smirk grew wider with each passing day, as if he was savoring your descent into isolation.
By the time you reached your breaking point, you felt like a shadow of yourself. That night, driven by desperation and rage, you stormed into the Prefect’s dormitory, your fists trembling at your sides.
The door slammed open, and there he was. Tom Riddle sat on his bed, shirtless, his pale skin glowing in the candlelight. A book rested in his hands, though his gaze lifted lazily to meet yours. A knowing smirk played on his lips, as if he’d been expecting you.
“Ah, here she is,” he drawled, closing the book with deliberate care. “The little rebel finally comes crawling back.”
“Stop it!” you shouted, your voice cracking. “You’ve done enough, Tom! Please—just leave me alone!”
He raised an eyebrow, setting the book aside as he leaned back against the headboard. “Leave you alone?” he echoed, mockery dripping from every word. “You didn’t seem to mind my attention before.”
Tears stung your eyes, and you dropped to your knees, the weight of everything too much to bear. “I’m sorry,” you choked out, the words trembling on your lips. “I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have erased your memories.”
Tom stood, his tall frame towering over you as he approached. The smirk on his face widened as he looked down at your tear-streaked face.
“Oh, you’re sorry now?” he said, his voice low and mocking. “And what, exactly, are you sorry for? For betraying me? For thinking you could escape me? Or for underestimating just how much I could destroy you?”
Your sobs grew louder, and you shook your head. “I’ll do anything,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “Just stop... please.”
Tom crouched in front of you, his hand gripping your chin to tilt your face up to meet his. His dark eyes burned with satisfaction, a predator reveling in the surrender of his prey.
“Anything?” he repeated, his lips curling into a cruel smile.
You nodded, your breath hitching as his thumb brushed your lower lip.
“You’re right,” he said, his voice soft but deadly. “You shouldn’t have done it. You shouldn’t have crossed me. And now you’re here, on your knees, begging me to forgive you.”
He straightened, his hand sliding into your hair. The motion was firm but not painful, his fingers tangling in your locks as he pulled your face closer to his waist.
“Tell me,” he murmured, his voice dripping with mockery, “if I gave you the chance... would you dare to do it again?”
You shook your head, tears slipping down your cheeks as his grip tightened.
“Good,” he said, his smirk widening. “Because I can promise you this—you’ll regret what you did for the rest of your life.”
Tom’s smirk deepened as he held you there, his grip firm but deliberate. The tension in the room was suffocating, his presence overwhelming. You felt his eyes boring into you, watching your every move, every tremble of your body beneath his power.
“Look at you,” he murmured, his voice soft but laced with disdain. “The once defiant little thing, so bold, so eager to stand against me. And now?” He tilted your head slightly, his fingers tightening in your hair. “You’re exactly where you belong—on your knees, apologizing like the pathetic creature you are.”
Your lips quivered as you tried to speak, to muster any kind of retort, but the words failed you.
“Shhh,” he whispered, pressing a finger to your lips. “Don’t speak unless I tell you to.”
He pulled you back slightly, forcing you to look up at him. His expression was unreadable now, a dangerous mix of triumph and something darker, something almost tender.
“You said you’d do anything to make this right,” he said, his thumb brushing your cheek. “But you can’t undo the damage you’ve caused. You can’t undo the months I lost—the nights I spent consumed by thoughts of you, not understanding why I felt so... incomplete.”
“I’m sorry,” you whispered again, your voice cracking.
His hand slid to your jaw, gripping it firmly as he leaned closer. “I don’t think you understand what sorry means,” he said, his breath ghosting over your lips. “But don’t worry—I’ll teach you.”
He straightened abruptly, releasing you and stepping back. His smirk returned as he crossed his arms, watching you struggle to compose yourself.
“Stand up,” he commanded.
You hesitated, your legs trembling as you pushed yourself to your feet.
“Good,” he said, his tone approving. “Now, take a good look around this room. Do you know what it represents?”
You shook your head, unsure of where he was going.
“This,” he gestured to the dark, intimate space, “is where you’ll come when you need reminding of who you belong to. Of who you owe everything to.”
You swallowed hard, your heart pounding in your chest.
“Don’t think for a second that this is over,” he continued, his voice growing softer, more dangerous. “You’ve unleashed something in me, something that won’t stop until I’ve had my revenge. But I’m not in a hurry.”
He stepped closer, his hand brushing against your arm, making you flinch.
“No,” he murmured, his lips inches from your ear. “I’m going to take my time. I’m going to make you regret what you did in ways you can’t even imagine.”
Tom didn’t let up. His torment became more personal, more intimate. He would appear at the most unexpected times, his voice soft and mocking as he reminded you of your place. He continued to twist the people around you, isolating you further, but now he did it with a calculated cruelty, ensuring that you felt his presence even when he wasn’t there.
And yet, there were moments where his anger seemed to waver, replaced by something almost... longing. Late at night, when he cornered you in an empty corridor or brushed against you in the library, his touch would linger, his gaze softening for the briefest of moments.
You hated yourself for noticing. Hated yourself more for the way your body betrayed you, responding to his closeness despite everything he’d done.
One night, after weeks of torment, you found yourself summoned to the same secluded room where this all began. Tom was waiting, his expression unreadable as he gestured for you to sit.
“I’ve been thinking,” he said, his tone deceptively calm. “Perhaps I’ve been too harsh on you. Perhaps I should offer you a chance to redeem yourself.”
You frowned, unsure of his intentions. “What do you mean?”
He leaned forward, his dark eyes locking onto yours. “Prove to me that you’ve learned your lesson. That you understand what it means to be mine.”
Your heart sank as you realized what he was asking.
“And if I refuse?” you whispered.
His smile widened, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Oh, you won’t refuse. Because you know what’s waiting for you if you do.”
Whew, this one took me quite a while to finish! Hope you enjoyed that manipulative mf, Tom—hehehe.
Your likes and reblogs mean the world to me—thank you so much! Love you!
devider from @cyberangel-graphics :>
#tomriddleswhcre#tom marvolo riddle#tom riddle x reader#tom riddle fanfiction#tom riddle x y/n#fanfic#tom riddle#tom riddle fic#tom riddle x you#voldemort#lord voldemort#manipulation#toxic relationship#master manipulator
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deleted scene #1
“Yes,” you nodded vigorously. Panic was now settling in. This isn’t real. I’m not actually going to share a bed with Neuvillette. That’s like…something out of a cheesy romance novel! “It’s not. I can just sleep on the floor. And--” “You most certainly are not,” Neuvillette fixed you with a look. “If anyone were to sleep on the floor, it shall be me.” “And I’m not letting you sleep on the floor either, and since there are no couches or sedans in here, it only stands to reason that we will both sleep on the bed.” The more you talked, the more you realized that this situation wasn’t as terrifying as it appeared at first. After all, this wasn’t some cliched romance plot where the two leads, with boundless unresolved sexual tension between them, were forced to share a bed and deal with their attraction to each other. This was just an inconvenient situation caused by some harebrained ploy of your sister’s which wouldn’t even work. Neither of you were attracted to each other physically (okay, maybe there was a little attraction on your part. But you weren’t some pervert who would act on it. …Perhaps I should sleep on the floor after all). “We are going to be mature adults about this,” you said. “Yes.” “This is just an unusual sleeping arrangement, that’s all. And the bed is plenty large for the both of us. It’s a queen-size.” “It does seem to be of that size.” “I’ve slept next to other people before. My sister, Anne… this is just like a sleepover.” “I’ve never experienced a sleepover before, but I shall trust your words on it, Madame.” You looked up, startled, and saw Neuvillette looking down at you, his eyes bright. You cleared your throat. “We’ll only be giving them amusement if we make a big fuss over this, so we won’t. We’ll both take a bath, and then get into bed and sleep, and that will be the end of it.” “That is what I’m planning to do,” Neuvillette said, the corners of his mouth lifting. You decided to stop talking.
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Steve Martin and Richard Kind as Charles-Haden Savage and Vince Fish ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING (2021) • S4E3: "Two for the Road"
bonus <3:
#only murders in the building#omitb#omitb s4#omitb spoilers#charles haden savage#vince fish#omitbedit#dailyflicks#cinemapix#my gifs#experiencing something like this would fix me#sadly a gifset cannot properly convey how funny the deliveries are#the aw charles! aww! kills me jajaja
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I wonder if Agate or Spinel were similar to Dot when they were younger. Especially Spinel. He is a recluse and spends a lot of time alone in front of computers. Friede called him shy, which probably has some truth to it. Maybe he never had any friends (human friends, at least) and just grew up like that.
#this is a random thought#but i do wonder if spinel and agate (but mostly spinel) were like dot#narratives that are like 'this could have been you if this didn't happen' and showing possibilities of how characters could have been etc#not saying dot would have become exactly like spinel but their similarities are striking enough#that it makes me wonder if he was a recluse shut-in before too#someone just absorbed in his own interests but didn't have anyone to reach out a hand to him perhaps (when dot had liko)#and then just growing up without experiencing friendship or didn't care enough to look for it#(something friede can fix him etc)#very curious to me and i hope we get to know more about it eventually#spinel#dot#agate#character notes
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it’s so disheartening having read books as a kid about magic and wonderful adventures and then growing up into a society where the norm is to work a 9-5 job and sit in traffic and pay off ur debts for the rest of ur life. it fucks u up it does
#I feel like I want something that just won’t ever be satisfied#maybe I should travel 🥲 maybe that would fix me#I feel like I’m experiencing a quarter life crisis here
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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Didn't do the instrumental but I feel like that's prolly obvious to the few who have heard what little music I've made from scratch asfdgkhkajsdgf
I recorded this a couple weeks ago and finally have the courage to post it.
it's unpolished and I'm very aware of the imperfections in it, but I still really like the vibe it has, so I hope y'all enjoy it!
#my art stuff#my music stuff#music#singing#cover#voice acting#voice mimicking#it's a pony kind of christmas#mlp#my little pony#mlp fim#mlp g4#I do appreciate constructive criticism but I'm unsure if it would help me as I'm doing my best with what I have#and again- I'm at that stage in learning something where I know the basics and can do certain things really well if I really try!#But not experienced enough to completely apply my knowledge to what sounds off to me and fix it#please be kind ;;w;;#I know the voices aren't very accurate and stuff either btw#I like my versions despite that fact but I completely understand if it makes anyone cringe or anything#my pinkie used to be better before puberty hit 😔#but I've gotten a lot better at Flutters somehow! And I REALLY nailed Rarity here!!!#RD and AJ need strong work - especially RD as I have a really hard time hitting higher notes with her#And honestly? I barely even tried with Twilight. But she turned out surprisingly okay for what it is??#Might do another version sometime later where I try to stabilize my vocals a lil better cus it's kinda lacking in confidence n stuff#ANYWAYS I NEED TO STOP POINTING OUT FLAWS AND STUFF CUS I'VE LEARNED THAT TELLING PEOPLE THE FLAWS MAKES THEM STAND OUT A LOT MORE-#I SHOULD ALSO GO TO BED CUS IT'S 1AM SO NINI LMAO AKSJFDGHKJASDGFHGH#I also have another project similar to this - doing pony voice-adjacent stuff - if anybody's ever interested in hearing it?#idk just throwing it out there
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im reading jean valentine again and this is crazy to me
taking it out of context obviously, but framing it as though it would be the not knowing this other person that killed you, not whatever it was that you couldn't survive alone, is so exactly how i think about this whole thing
#it makes me think of something i was talking abt so long ago abt the structure of this book where a character very improbably survives#that there's a time at which you'll be saved and a time at which you will die and 'surviving' is just making it to the first one before#the second one happens#that the way each will happen is fixed in advance and the only element of chance is the chronology#'your liking me would have saved me and my liking you would have saved you' - this knowledge is still true even if it never comes to pass#(to hold open a space where something does not happen but where it not happening is experienced as an event itself) - the not meeting#the having-not-met#Jean Valentine#i wish i grew up the second i first held you in my arms
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tw: drug addiction
i just gotta say, the sound of the phone ringing and the sirens, both so masterfully folded into the beat at the beginning of agnes, is fucking bone chilling. it gives me waves of chills every single time and i don’t think that feeling, the feeling of full-body bouts of chills that course through me from the crown of my head to the tips of my toes until dave’s voice kicks in, will ever go away.
this song captures the trajectory of addiction SO well. i literally cannot even put it into words. but it’s so comforting????? it’s so comforting to hear someone else who has presumably lost a loved one (a close friend, in this situation) to the demon of addiction, outline the full course of its development.
i feel like,,, if you don’t have someone close to you who has struggled with and fought with addiction, it is so difficult for you to truly and fully understand how devastatingly heartbreaking—and excruciatingly painful—it is to watch the ravenous monster that is addiction fucking devour this person from the inside out. slowly. it corrodes their smile, it decays their mind, it dulls every single aspect of life except for when they’re high. they become nothing more than a shell of their former selves; a host for this parasitic sickness, who’s only care in life is that next fix, irregardless of what they have to do or who they have to hurt to get it.
and once that monster has been birthed inside of you, it never fully goes away. you fight it for the rest of your fucking life, irregardless of how much treatment you’ve gone through, irregardless of if you’re in treatment for the rest of your days on this earth. you battle those psychological cravings until you die, especially if your addiction was a coping mechanism or a self-soothing mechanism (which is so often is). it changes you and your life forever. and i dunno, i guess i feel like there’s still so many people who just can’t comprehend this and comprehend how much of a sickness addiction truly is. and i guess it’s really nice to find an artist you admire so much who DOES get it, who HAS experienced it. that’s all, i think.
#like#i can tell you all about how my dad used to sing and dance around the house on the weekends as we cleaned as a family#i can tell you all about how my dad used to take me everywhere i wanted to go even though he had no money#how he’d take me to the movies and to hockey games and how he always *always* got me a lil treat whenever we were at the store#something my mom for example would never do because she’d always tell me we didn’t have the money for even just a bag of candy#i can tell you all about who my father was in the early years of addiction#i can also tell you about his sobbing fits#i can tell you about the screaming matches over money and pills#i can tell you about how he punched a wall and we never fucking fixed that goddamn hole#i can tell you about how he was sick on the couch every single fucking month for YEARS of my life as he tried to quit over and over and over#i can tell you the signs of an opioid withdrawal fucking backwards#i can tell you about how he used to steal money from his children#i can tell you about how i had to give him money from my student loans so we didn’t lose our house#(which we did lose the house eventually; it was inevitable)#i can tell you about his overdoses#i can tell you about the terrifying conversations i’ve heard between him and his dealer#i can tell you all about how as he descended further into addiction he because a bitter shell of himself#a husk that cared about nothing and no one except for this pretty little white pills#i can tell you about how his abuse got INFINITELY worse#but you’ll never truly understand that devolution unless you’ve experienced what it’s like#i can talk your ear off about it and you can feel that sympathy and comprehend how difficult and painful it is#i have a very complex relationship with my father#i still hold a lot of anger towards him for all the things he did to us#all the things he did and still does to my mother#but it still HURT to watch him do this to himself#and impact my entire fucking family in the process#he’s been an addict since i was a fucking toddler#but anyway#these are just my morning thoughts today#do yourself a favour and go listen to agnes by glass animals
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kinda starting to feel like my anxiety is some sort of spiritual problem rather than a mental health one. like i’ve been in therapy for years and the sharper edges of the disorder have been filed off, but at the core of my being there is just this fear that pervades everything. my therapist doesn’t think i’d meet the criteria for sad/gad/etc anymore, and i don’t relate to the dsm list as much as i did. but like, the fear is still there. i don’t think therapy is gonna be able to touch this one (being said with around four and a half years experience with the process and a genuinely good therapist). the fear comes from somewhere else, and it doesn’t present like a thing i can fight with my brain. the therapy helped - it really did- but i just don’t think i can find the answer in that sphere, i think it’s given me all it can for now. does anyone know what i mean?
#anyway. would legitimately love to talk to anyone who gets what i mean because i feel like i’m losing it#i feel like i need to stab demons in my mindscape or find god or learn magic or tongue kiss the narrative#my anxiety has always been a little different to the dsm one tho like. it doesn’t talk to me#no racing thoughts or catastrophizing or even framing evidence that my friends hate me or whatever#it was always just quiet and blank#my therapist would ask me like ‘what thoughts are you having when [experiencing symptom] and i’d be like ???#i’m supposed to be having thoughts?? i’d just black out or detach or sink into myself and be unable to move or speak#you can’t argue with that kind of thing you know? can’t cbt ur way out bc there ain’t no c#it feels like i’ve been poisoned. or there’s a spell on me or something#i need to heal. and i need help. but i don’t know how to fix this and it is hurting me. preventing me from becoming who i was supposed to be#loving like i’m supposed to. creating like im supposed to. being apart of this world like i was born to be#i’m just. mourning the life i could have had if something wasn’t so so wrong with me#conari#anxiety#generalized anxiety disorder#social anxiety disorder#gad#sad#actually anxious#actuallyanxious
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~ ~ ~
#I think I’m lonely in a way I can’t fully describe#I have a partner and friends and family but still often feel alone even when I’m with them#I don’t feel close to anyone at times and I don’t know if it’s outside circumstances or just me#like with my partner being asexual we don’t really do certain activities that I’d like to partake in more often and I can’t hold it against#them for how they do/don’t feel but at the same time I’m craving a physical connection I can’t have and am struggling#doesn’t help that I think about sex all the time nowadays and would really like to be having it and experiencing/exploring certain things#it’s not always easy to take care of oneself that way and still also try to console the ace partner apologizing for who they are#and yeah hall passes are great but only if you have someone to use it on and I’ve never had anyone want to be with me sexually#moving on to bestie I don’t feel my same love and affection being reciprocated and that sucks because I really do anything I can for him#and am like that with pretty much all of mt friends where if they need me for something I’ll be there#but a lot of the time it seems like he really only wants to talk/hang out with me if he’s at work and I can come visit with him#any time I invite him to do something with me outside of work he flakes and so it’s not even worth inviting him anymore#and yeah there’s rare times where he’ll call me a bunch in one day but it’s always just to tell me some gossip from work#not that gossip isn’t fun but still don’t you want to jus talk to me? I always want to just talk to you even if it’s about nothing at all#I’m always the one putting myself out there for him and being there for him when he calls me but I almost never get that same response back#and it’s like I know he has a family so I know he can’t always drop everything for me nor would I ever expect that but just some matching of#my energy would be nice you know? but then I feel guilty/selfish because I feel like I shouldn’t ask that of him when he does have a life#away from work. and I mean I guess I do too but it’s different because partner and I don’t have kids and don’t do much aside from sit around#together or have tea or other things most often done at home. and I don’t live with partner full time yet so I also still have other freedom#outside of just being with them. and other responsibilities I take care of but not on the same level as a wife and kids I guess#idk now I just feel like I’m whining but tbh all this stuff is weighing on me and just making me feel really shitty#I don’t know how to fix these issues without sounding like a selfish bitch and I’m obviously not going to cut anyone off but I don’t really#see any other solutions forming either. so it’s like I guess I’ll just keep my mouth shut and keep feeling bad until the end of time since#that’s the easiest thing to do and then no one else is hurt or upset aside from me#I just feel like I’m destined to float through life never getting back what I need from my relationships but still giving everything because#I don’t know any other way to be. I don’t know how to set boundaries even for myself so I’ll just keep giving and giving until I’m dead#and yeah I guess I am still a lot happier than I used to be and I appreciate the people in my life#just sometimes feels like they don’t really appreciate me back is all#so now I have to lay here next to partner and have all this shit running in my mind and try to get over it on my own#reasonably I should just go to bed but the loneliness is gnawing at me and idk what to do to make it go away
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MADOKA - “I’m thinking I’ll order a beef udon bowl, since Sayaka-chan told me that they make those really good here. What about you, Homura-chan?”
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - Food needs can be met with an expenditure of 1.23% of total magic. Proceed?
GRIEF SYNDROME [Trivial: Success] - MAGICAL GIRLS THAT IGNORE FOOD ARE OFTEN MORE PRONE TO GRIEF ACCUMULATION. MY ARMS WILL ALWAYS BE WAITING FOR YOU, HOMURA, BUT IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE HAPPY UNTIL THAT DAY. BESIDES, MADOKA WANTS TO EAT WITH YOU. DISAPPOINTING HER WILL FILL YOUR SOUL GEM WITH A HALF A GRIEF SEED WORTH OF DESPAIR.
TEA WITH MAMI-SAN [Legendary: Success] - Sayaka says the beef bowl is good? Maybe go for that. She knows Madoka’s tastes better than anyone — and if Madoka likes something, you will certainly like it too.
“I will have the same as you, Madoka.”
“I’m not feeling very hungry.”
[CALL AND RESPONSE - Medium 10] Come up with an order on your own
CALL AND RESPONSE - [Medium: Failure] - You’ve eaten here before, you’re pretty sure. Was it Loop 32… no, Loop 12..? No, wait, it was on the first Friday of Loop 68. No… that’s not right. You’ve never eaten here before. In a stunning display of incompetence, you have taken Madoka on a date to a restaurant that you have never experienced before.
THE ANGEL - It’s okay, Homura-chan! I don’t mind if you haven’t eaten here before. Remember what real me said, Sayaka thinks this place is good! And even if it’s not perfect, that’s okay, just spending time with you makes me happy.
THE CRAVEN MASSES - Sayaka has raised her blade against Madoka 16 times before. You should leave this restaurant and kill her. It would only take-
FALLING SAND [Trivial: Success] - 1528 seconds on average.
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - It can be cut down to 1243 seconds with an expenditure of 2.7% of total magic pool.
THE CRAVEN MASSES - Exactly. Do it in front of her family and make it bloody. Kyoko would likely try and stop you, but even she isn’t immune to bullets. And if Mami comes for revenge, well, you know the exact words you could say that would destroy her, don’t you?
THE ANGEL - A-Ah, I think that’s a bit of an extreme reaction, Homura-chan!
HUMAN SHELL - Your heart rate is increasing. Stop that. You have absolute control over your flesh. Act like it.
MOE INSTINCT - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT ARE WE GOING TO ORDER MADOKA IS GOING TO LAUGH AT US
WITCH’S NIGHT - Is… is this a trap? Walpurgis may be defeated, but you know that the stage witch never truly ceases its show. Perhaps this restaurant is a part of the stage?
MADOKA - “Um, are you okay, Homura-chan?”
MOE INSTINCT - OH GOD SHE HATES US
“I’m going to kill myself.”
“I’m so sorry. Would killing myself make you feel more comfortable?”
Isn’t there anything else you can say?
YOU - Isn’t there anything else you can say?
THE DEVIL - Come on, Homura. It’s high time you do it. Really, this is just another in the long, long chain of failures that make up your life. The only way to fix it is to kill yourself.
CLOCKWORK PRECISION - Target: Located on right ring finger. Target is not moving. Chance to hit: High. Plan: Retrieve pistol. Aim pistol at ring. Pull trigger.
THE ANGEL - Oh my god, please do not do that!
"I am going to kill myself."
"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."
"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"
There. There has to be better options than this.
YOU - There. There has to be better options than this.
MOE INSTINCT - I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE. THE ONLY RECOURSE IS IMMEDIATE SUICIDE. THAT’S THE ONLY WAY MADOKA WILL LOVE YOU AGAIN.
"I am going to kill myself."
"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."
"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"
YOU - “I’m going to kill myself.”
MADOKA - Madoka’s face twists, her eyebrows raising slightly in shock. Whatever response she was expecting, it was clearly not this.
GRIEF SYNDROME [Challenging: Success] - IF MADOKA WAS A MAGICAL GIRL, HER SOUL GEM WOULD FILL BY A QUARTER HEARING YOU SPEAK THOSE WORDS. THAT WAS CRUEL, HOMURA.
MOE INSTINCT - WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?
MADOKA - “I’m so sorry, Homura-chan. Please don’t do that. I… I really care about you and so does everyone else.” Madoka’s eyes fill with tears as she speaks. She hugs you.
DAMAGED MORALE -4
CALL AND RESPONSE [Trivial: Success] - Quick, tell her you were making an edgy joke that didn’t land. You’ve gotten away with that before, you’re pretty sure.
SPACE-TIME MASSACRE - Twelve quarter shifts left and two up from your current space-time position, and there’s a Japan that it’s actually illegal to not commit suicide in.
FALLING SAND - You’ve been seated for 5 minutes and 32.5 seconds already and still have not ordered. Mami has requested your presence at her apartment in 3.4 hours from now.
TEA WITH MAMI-SAN - She wants to help you find a hobby. She’s really worried about you, you know.
STRINGS OF FATE - You can feel Madoka’s heart beat in sync with yours as she holds you. Everything will be alright, as long as you follow the beat.
THE ANGEL - Yeah! It’s okay Homura-chan. Just explain what’s been going on and Madoka will understand. And then order something, it’s important to eat a full meal!
YOU - “Ah, sorry Madoka. I was… overwhelmed with choice, and my… brain spit out the first thing it thought. I am not planning on killing myself.”
MADOKA - “Um, I think we should probably talk about this more, Homura-chan….”
CALL AND RESPONSE - Ask her a question to change the topic. It’s worked in three different loops, it should work here.
RATIONALITY COMPLEX [Trival: Success] - Ask her if she wants to try anything else and then order that for yourself. This will accomplish your goal of deciding on what to order, as well as showing Madoka that her desires are important to you.
YOU - “Is there anything else you’d like to try, Madoka? We can share our dishes.”
MADOKA - “Uh, okay Homura-chan. Maybe get some tempura?”
Order 10000 yen worth of tempura
Order 1000 yen worth of tempura
Order 100 yen worth of tempura
YOU - “Excuse me waiter, give me 10000 yen worth of tempura.”
HUMAN SHELL - Calories and magic are just two different types of fuel. Feed me and control me.
THE ANGEL - T-that’s probably too much, Homura-chan. Maybe you can sneak some into your cool shield, though!
MADOKA - Madoka doesn’t say anything, but her eyes do bulge out slightly. She gives you a gentle pat on the shoulder and smiles at you.
HEALED MORALE +1
RATIONALITY COMPLEX - Displays of wealth like this can broadcast value to potential mates. This will increase your value in Madoka’s eyes, furthering along one of your goals.
THE ANGEL - I think you should just focus on enjoying the food, Homura-chan. Take a break, everything is okay.
Thank you.
Why don’t you hate me?
YOU - Why don’t you hate me?
THE ANGEL - Because I care about you, Homura-chan! And besides, you hate yourself far too much already.
Thank you.
THE ANGEL - You’re welcome! Now, please, enjoy your meal with real Madoka. She loves you a lot too, you know.
#disco elysium#pmmm#madoka magica#yellowed pages#this took an unfortunate amount of my day dhdhdh wrote most of this in between running to do pointless chores
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I miss portugal so much its almost disgusting sometimes
#and no one understands#aside from ania everyone else was glad to return to poland or spain or whatever#but i have nothing to return to#i feel like i almost felt happy in portugal tbh#i miss everything about it#mostly my friends#or even our daily basis that we established for ourselves there#i miss being close to the ocean#i know going to barcelona wont fix it and it certainly wont be the same#but i just need to feel something experience something#im stagnating here#it was difficult studying in english but we always managed in the end#our uni was like 20 mins away from lisbon by a train whixh was so perfect#we got to live in a calm and peaceful and quiet town while still being close to the capital#we ve seen so much together#i dont think i would have ever seem madeira france and barcelona had i i not gone to portugal#so grateful for this opportunity#sometimes im wondering what the fuck am i even doing here studying transport here#but i dont regret shit#this uni madr it possible for me to go to portugal and meet the peple that i met#cant believe i almost didnt go#the only thing keeping me alive rn is the possibility of experiencing smth similar in barcelona#i just really need to go somewhere anywhere
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I hope there is hell specifically so i and only i can go there i deserve pain worse than anyone has ever felt. I do not deserve to live i do not deserve to exist my existence is a horrible despicable vurse upon this world everyu single problem on this earth is my fault and mine alone I am completely serious/genuine about this. I want to suffer because i deserve it. I cannot tolerate pain and i think is shouls drown in a flood of it. The world would improve significantly if i was torn limb from limb bone from bone and reassembled in an infinite loop.
#boiled electronics#this is a normal thing to think. this is a normal amd healthy belief. i am mentally stable.#I am 100% sure that i will be alive and not dead from suicide at 20 years old#yep.#totally.#prba ly#someone kill me#please.please. i want to die eo badly i dont even know why its not like ive experienced suffering in my life#or that I've ever been sad. ( i cannot experience sadness i am fundamentally a horrible person and cannot experience negative emotions)#theres something wrong sith me but i dont think i should fix it. the worse i feel (which i cant i cant feel bad) the better the world is#therefore the world cannot improve until i die becuase then i won't feel anything which mean i can't feel good so the world wont get worse#someone kill me someone kill me someone kill me someone kill me someone kill me.#i should notg et therapy i dont deserve it. i only deserve death.#Yet because of my fundamental complete atrociousness I cannot bring myself to do so myself so please. i ask you this#anyone who sees this. it would be best for tge world if you found a way to get my real life adress and room and then shoot me or something#I make things worse for everyone universally no one but me understands this fully. nothing can improve until i am gone.#i want to die i want to die wiant to die iwajt to diea#kill .e kill me kill me kill me kill me li.elkee
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