#experiencing something like this would fix me
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Outage - Yunsan
KINKTOBER DAY 19, REQ. BY anon
~"Can you write a college au fic where Yunho and San are best friends living next door to the (fem)reader's apartment/ dorm. Both of them like the reader and they ended having a threesome at the guys' place (maybe she goes to their dorm during a power outage cause she's scared, you can decide the reason she's there). I'd like for the reader to be a virgin, whereas the guys are a bit more experienced. Yunho is a mean, rough dom while San is a softer, gentler dom and they work together to give the reader multiple orgasms in various positions." - I'm so sorry ml I would add all the details but it's gonna occupy all the space :<
pairing: yunho x reader x san
genre: 18+, filth, college au
summary: oops, energy's out on your floor. What a good night to go over at your besties, to finish your study session. Yeah, right.. you studied, for sure.. how to give a bj.
wc: 5.8k
warnings: college au, best friends, big dick!yunsan, reader is a virgin, finger sucking, fingering, multiple orgasms (A LOT OF THEM), like 3 orgasms by fingering and one by fucking for reader and yunsan having like two each... so lots of cummm, overstim, dacryphilia, bj, double penetration, yunho is a rougher dom than san, marking (LOOOTSSS OF ITTT), lots of eye contact, praising, pet names (sweetie, love, sweetheart, princess), unprotected, completely consensual, for sure forgot something, unedited might edit later.
Author's Note: it legitimately took me 5 days to finish this fic 🧍♀️ but it has 5.8k words so ig it's pretty expected 💁♀️. It is as detailed as I could write it, my love.. I hope you like it. Pls let me know if you did by completing the request form or by sending me an ask to my inbox! 🥰 I loved writing it, ngl... Enjoy, guys !!
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and does not represent the reality of the members in any way.
The cool evening air nipped at your cheeks as you walked down the hallway of your apartment building with San and Yunho, your books and notebooks bundled tightly in your arms. Despite the demands of your classes, the three of you had fallen into a comfortable rhythm this semester, balancing study sessions with countless inside jokes, late-night ramen runs, and endless laughter. Living in the same building, with you just a few doors down from their shared dorm, had only solidified the bond between you.
"So," Yunho said, glancing down at you with a teasing smile as you reached the door to their place, "how much of Professor Lee’s reading did you actually finish last night?"
You groaned, letting your head fall back dramatically. "Please don’t remind me. I got, like, halfway before I passed out.”
San chuckled, brushing his shoulder against yours. “That’s better than Yunho and me. We didn’t even crack the book open.”
Yunho put his hands up in mock defense. “Hey, I never claimed I was on top of things! Besides, I was too busy helping San fix that stupid coffee machine he broke.”
San rolled his eyes, nudging him. “You’re the one who insisted on trying to ‘hack’ it to make double shots.”
“Details, details.” Yunho gave you both an exaggerated shrug, making you laugh.
As the three of you lingered in the hallway, the faint warmth of your playful banter started to drift. There was a stack of assignments waiting to be tackled, so after a few more exchanges, you decided to head to your own dorm.
"Alright, we’ve procrastinated long enough," you sighed. "I’ll see you guys later?"
San nodded, grinning. “We’ll probably still be awake at 2 a.m. if you wanna come back and cram together.”
Yunho gave a wink. “Or if you get bored, you know where to find us.”
“Noted,” you replied with a smirk, giving them a small wave as you turned and walked down the hall to your door.
Inside, your dorm room was quiet, lit only by the faint amber glow of your desk lamp. You settled in, organizing your textbooks and notes, trying to get into the right mindset to finally tackle your assignments. An hour ticked by, then another, and you began to make progress. But just as you were reaching the last few pages of your reading, the lights suddenly flickered. Then, with a low hum, everything went dark.
You stared at the darkness for a moment, blinking in surprise. The hallway lights were out too, leaving your entire floor eerily quiet and still. You grabbed your phone and quickly typed out a message to Yunho and San:
“Hey, my power just went out… Can I come over and finish my work? I can’t see anything here.”
The reply was almost instant. Yunho’s text popped up first: “Definitely! We’ll keep the lights on for you.”
San’s text followed a second later. “Come on over. We’ll even share the snacks.”
You smiled at their texts and went on packing everything you needed. Pens, the highlighters you always used for your notes, notebooks, textbooks… everything you thought you’d need. As you went out the door and locked it, you smiled and turned on the phone flashlight and went up the stairs to their dorm.
—
When you arrived at their room, Yunho opened the door with a grin, his eyes sparkling as he held it wide for you to enter. Inside, the room was cozy and warmly lit, shadows casting soft outlines across their books and scattered notes. The faint scent of coffee and something sweet lingered, wrapping you in an inviting warmth that made the tension from your dark, quiet room dissipate.
You placed your things on the table and settled into a chair, and before you even had a chance to fully adjust, Yunho shifted beside you. He leaned over, feigning interest in your notes, though his attention clearly lingered on you more than your work. His arm brushed yours, his fingers lightly grazing the edge of your hand, sending a gentle warmth up your arm.
“Feels better here, doesn’t it?” he murmured, his voice soft, almost inviting you to agree.
You nodded, trying to focus on the pages in front of you, but the warmth of his presence was impossible to ignore.
“Definitely feels better than sitting alone in the dark,” you whispered, a small smile creeping onto your face.
From the other side, San watched with a relaxed smile, sliding his chair closer. He rested a hand on the back of your seat, his fingers just barely skimming your shoulder, his touch grounding and comforting.
“Good thing you have us,” San murmured, his thumb brushing softly along the curve of your shoulder. The warmth in his voice, usually playful, was softer, almost reverent. He looked at you with a gentleness that made your heart flutter, his touch a calming presence that drew you in.
The room filled with a quiet, intimate energy as you all fell into a natural silence, the rustling of paper and the faint click of a pen the only sounds. But gradually, the space between you felt like it was diminishing, your awareness of their proximity deepening with every gentle touch and sidelong glance.
Yunho’s fingers began a slow trail along the length of your arm, a feather-light touch that made your pulse race, yet somehow left you craving more. His gaze held yours, warm and open, a subtle smile playing on his lips.
“You’re too quiet now,” he teased softly. “Usually you can’t stop talking.”
The words sent a shiver through you, and you managed a soft laugh, your voice barely above a whisper. “Guess I’m… distracted.”
San’s hand moved, his fingers brushing along your shoulder as his gaze softened. He looked at you for a moment, his usual grin replaced by a serious, thoughtful expression. “Well,” he murmured, “we don’t mind sharing a little… distraction.”
Surrounded by them both, you felt the pull of their closeness, each touch deepening the quiet understanding between you. The night continued in gentle, charged stillness, their presence speaking louder than words as you sat together, enveloped in warmth, comfort, and something that felt undeniably right.
The quiet atmosphere began to thrum with anticipation, an unspoken intensity filling the air as Yunho’s gaze lingered on yours, searching. He finally took a deep breath, and his voice, usually bright and playful, softened with a serious edge.
“I think we need to tell you something,” Yunho said, his fingers still tracing light circles on your arm, sending ripples of warmth through your skin. You looked up, curiosity and apprehension mingling in your expression.
He glanced at San, who gave him a subtle nod, his eyes holding a similar warmth as he looked at you. Yunho took another breath, a little unsteady, then met your eyes again.
“We both… like you,” he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper, but the weight of his words echoed in your heart. “San and I… we’ve talked about this, and we know it’s unusual, but neither of us could ignore how we feel.”
San moved closer, his hand resting gently on your shoulder, his touch both reassuring and grounding. “We want you to know that we’re here for you, together… if you’d want that too.” His voice was low and steady, but you could see the hint of vulnerability in his gaze as he waited for your reaction.
Your heart raced, the reality of their words sinking in, a warmth blossoming in your chest. You found yourself nodding, a small smile breaking across your lips as you whispered, “Yes, I… I want that too.”
A flicker of mischief sparked in Yunho’s eyes as he leaned in, brushing a gentle kiss to your temple. “You should know… we’ll take good care of you.” Then he paused, noticing the slight blush on your cheeks, the way your gaze shifted shyly downward.
“Actually, there’s something you should know too…” you whispered, the words tumbling out, heart racing as you admitted, “I’m… not experienced. I haven't, uh - had sex.. before.”
Yunho’s expression softened, a gentle laugh escaping him as he reached out to cup your cheek, his touch warm and steady. “Then, we’ll take it slow,” he promised, his voice tender. He looked over to San, who nodded with a smirk and a glint in his eye. “We’ll make sure you’re… well taken care of,” Yunho murmured, the reassurance in his words filling you with a sense of warmth and trust.
Yunho’s fingers slid down, grazing your jawline, his touch electrifying as he closed the distance between you. The air felt thick, charged, as if any moment of hesitation had melted away, replaced by something deeper, more primal. His eyes, dark with intent, flickered over your face, taking in every inch of your expression, every shallow breath. He leaned closer, his gaze settling on your lips, and you felt yourself drawn toward him, as if his very presence held you captive.
Just as his lips brushed yours, San’s hands found your waist, pulling you gently back against him. His warmth enveloped you, his breath hot against your neck as he leaned down, pressing a feather-light kiss below your ear. “We’ll go at your pace,” he whispered, his voice a soft promise, yet laced with that familiar teasing edge. His lips trailed along the curve of your neck, slow and deliberate, as Yunho’s fingers found their way to your hair, tilting your face back to meet his gaze.
“Are you still nervous?” Yunho murmured, his voice rich and warm. His eyes softened with understanding, yet there was an undeniable impatience simmering beneath, a quiet hunger that made your breath catch. You shook your head, a hint of a smile tugging at your lips, and Yunho’s own smirk grew as he finally, slowly, closed the last bit of space between you.
The kiss was tender at first, a gentle exploration, but you felt the fire building with each second. Yunho’s hands, no longer hesitant, traced down your back, drawing you closer as if he couldn’t bear the distance any longer. San’s grip on your waist tightened, his mouth pressing firmer against your neck, his breath sending a thrill down your spine. He sucked dark marks all over your back and shoulders, soft whines escaping your slowly rising chest. Every inch of you was surrounded by their warmth, their presence, until all you could feel was them, grounding you, igniting you, and filling you with a new, intoxicating sense of belonging.
“We've been waiting for this… y/n. For a looong time..” San whispered in your ear from behind, tracing his fingers on your body. He looked up at Yunho and gave him an understanding nod, to which Yunho pulled back, “Yes, sweetie.. you with that little smile of yours… and face. personality of yours…”.
In an instant, San lifted you up, his arms steady and strong as he carried you over to the bed, the movement gentle but filled with a kind of care that made your heart skip a beat. He laid you down with the utmost tenderness, settling behind you as he wrapped his arms around your waist. His hold was warm, comforting, and his fingers traced soft, delicate patterns along your arm, grounding you in this moment.
With San pressed against your back, Yunho moved to the edge of the bed, crawling forward to face you. His gaze held a softness that made you feel cherished, and as he took in every detail of your face, his smile was both gentle and captivating.
“You’re beautiful,” Yunho murmured, his voice low but full of sincerity. His fingers brushed a stray lock of hair from your face, tucking it carefully behind your ear. “Everything about you… just perfect.”
A blush crept into your cheeks at his words, and you looked down for a moment, but Yunho tilted your chin up, bringing your gaze back to his. “Hey, don’t hide from us now,” he whispered, his thumb brushing softly along your jawline. “We want to see you… all of you.”
Behind you, San nuzzled into the crook of your neck, his breath warm as he held you closer. “Yunho’s right,” he murmured, his tone soft yet intense. “We’ve been drawn to you for so long… more than we ever let on.” His arms tightened around you, the embrace protective and reassuring, grounding you in their presence. His lips found their way again on your neck, right under your jaw, where he marked you again. He was just oh-so-thirsty for you.
Yunho leaned closer, his forehead almost resting against yours, his voice a soft murmur. “It’s always been you. The way you laugh, the way you care about people… you’re everything we could have asked for.”
The gentle pressure of their touch, the way they held you so close, filled you with a warmth that ran deeper than anything you’d known. Their affection, their sincerity—it was as if they’d been holding onto these feelings for so long, waiting for the perfect moment to share them with you.
San’s hand moved slowly, gently intertwining his fingers with yours, his breath soft against your ear as he whispered, “We’re right here, and we’re not going anywhere.”
In their embrace, you felt safe, cherished, and undeniably loved, wrapped in the warmth of their closeness and the quiet intimacy of the moment.
Yunho’s eyes met yours, a hint of mischief glinting in his gaze as he leaned down, his lips brushing just below your collarbone. His fingers grazed along your shoulders, and he let his lips linger, pressing warm, slow kisses down the curve of your neck, making his way lower. Each touch felt like a silent promise, but there was something more deliberate in the way his lips marked your skin. The heat of his breath traced down to your collarbone, and as he pressed against you, his hands held you firmly in place.
With a quiet murmur, Yunho drew back slightly, his mouth leaving a faint, warm imprint on your skin, and turned to glance at San. His smile was laced with both a challenge and a hint of possessiveness. “I’m marking her everywhere,” he said, his voice low and edged with a playful intensity. “Let’s see who makes her feel it more.”
San smirked, his fingers still intertwined with yours, while Yunho’s hand found its way to your thigh. His touch was steady, almost firm, and he pushed your legs apart, creating space between you, his gaze tracing over your form with clear appreciation. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured, the words gentle against the intensity of his actions. His fingers slid along the soft skin of your thigh, a hint of roughness to his touch that made your heart race. Every glance, every touch, held a kind of reverence as if he was both admiring and claiming you all at once.
Yunho’s eyes never left yours as his lips began to trail slowly downward, warm and intentional, leaving a path of tender heat across your skin. His hands gripped your thighs, spreading them just enough to make space as he leaned in, his lips pressing along the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. Each kiss was slow, deliberate, and every now and then he would pause, sucking gently at the delicate skin until he left a faint, possessive mark in his wake. His fingers tightened slightly around your thighs, grounding you in the sensation of his touch as he worked his way upward.
Behind you, San’s hand moved to your neck, his thumb tracing a gentle line along your jaw before he tilted your chin up, his own mouth finding its way to the curve of your throat. The warmth of his breath brushed against your skin as he pressed a gentle, lingering kiss just below your jawline. “Just let us show you,” he murmured softly, his tone filled with affection, his fingers moving to caress the sensitive skin beneath your ear.
San’s hold on your jaw made your head tilt back slightly, and you felt Yunho’s mouth on your thighs, trailing upward with unhurried intensity, marking you as he went, savoring each touch. The way they held you—San’s protective yet gentle hold from behind and Yunho’s firm, claiming presence from the front—made your heart race, filling you with an undeniable sense of being cherished, their attention leaving you breathless in the quiet warmth of their embrace.
San’s breath grew heavier behind you, and you could feel the unmistakable heat of his cock pressing firmly against your lower back, his restraint slipping with every moment. His hands moved to your waist, fingers tightening as he pulled you up, shifting you to sit fully on his lap. The sensation of him beneath you sent a warm blush to your cheeks, and you smiled, caught off guard yet undeniably drawn to the warmth and intensity of his touch.
Meanwhile, Yunho was still focused on you, his lips grazing along the sensitive skin of your thighs, leaving small marks that trailed upward, each one deliberate, each one claiming. His hands roamed softly along your legs as he pressed one last kiss to your inner thigh before he pulled back, catching sight of the subtle evidence of your own arousal against the linen beneath you. A playful smirk tugged at his lips, and he looked up, meeting your gaze with a glint of mischief.
Without breaking eye contact, Yunho’s hand moved slowly, confidently, his fingers trailing along your inner thigh before reaching that sensitive place, his touch both gentle and intentional. His fingers explored with careful precision, his eyes watching your every reaction, savoring the way you responded to each movement. San’s hands remained steady at your waist, anchoring you in place as Yunho leaned in, his gaze filled with both admiration and a playful challenge, entirely focused on you, caught in the moment they shared with you.
“You’re so wet already… I can see that you love being marked, is that right?” Yunho asked, his finger pressing against your clit, keeping eye contact with you. “Tell me, sweetie. You wanted this too, mm?” two of his fingers found it’s way in, your head falling back on San’s shoulder as you felt Yunho’s fingers curling inside you. He started to finger you, his long, slender fingers hitting spots you’d never thought would arouse you but here you were.. between the two men you’ve always dreamed of.
“Yunho.. let’s take turns, shall we?” San said from behind, your eyes widened at his words. What did he mean by.. take turns..? you asked yourself.
He smiled at San’s words. “Yeah, sure.. why not. But first, let me have my way with her..” Yunho said and curled his fingers inside you, hitting your g spot a couple of times, moans escaping your throat. “Then.. you can have your way with her and.. “ he circled your clit with his thumb, making you bite your lip, “we can both have our way with her.” San scoffed from behind, approvingly.
“Now.. let's see how much you can handle, sweetheart.” the taller one whispered and he worked both of his hands around your folds. His right hand was 2 fingers deep inside you, finger fucking you rapidly, building your orgasm, while his other hand had the thumb onto your clit, rubbing it in circles, sometimes putting pressure on it. You squirmed and squirmed in front of him and above San, until you basically couldn't take it anymore.
“Y-yunho..!” you started, but words dissipated fast.
“What, princess?” he smiled at you, your face flustered.
“I-i.. ngh.. gotta-” you moaned out the last word, head falling back once again onto San's chest.
“Use your words, pretty girl.”
“I- gotta… c-cum! Yunho, p-please…” you pleaded, eyes teary from being stretched out by his fingers.
Yunho’s smirk grew, his fingers maintaining that perfect, teasing rhythm. He watched you closely, keeping eye contact, catching each hitch in your breath, each tremble, like he was savoring every second. “There we go, princess” he murmured, his tone turning a touch more commanding. “Let it all out…” Yunho said and pressed all your sweet spots until you squirmed over his hand and came all over, creaming on his fingers.
San’s hold tightened from behind, his hands firm on your waist, pulling you slightly against him. “You think you can handle more, princess?” His voice had a rougher edge now, the soft amusement shifting to something more intense.
“Y-yes.. please..” you whispered, voice low and quiet.
“Then.. show us just how much you can take it, sweetheart.”
Yunho’s fingers pressed deeper for a moment, coaxing a soft sound from you that only seemed to encourage them. “Look at you, so eager,” he murmured, his voice velvet-smooth but with a hint of challenge. “We’re not even close to done with you, sweetheart.”
“C'mon, San.. come here. Switch with me.” the taller one said and lifted you, putting you down in his lap, right against his hard cock. He was.. way lengthier than San was but.. San was.. girthier, you'd say? Either way, you were slightly scared of how painfully pleasurable it was gonna be.
You were already out of it. Face sweaty, flustered, eyes teary and legs trembling, but they were not yet done. San's hand ran between your legs, his fingers tracing your thighs. He lubed them up on your own juices then pushed them in, his fingers girthier than Yunho's. Two fingers of his feeling like 3 of Yunho's, you felt yourself being stretched out even more than before. You were close to your high again, even faster than before as you were already aroused.
“You look so beautiful like this, my princes…” San said and sucked a mark on your thigh. Surprised, you moaned pushing your head back into Yunho's buff chest. His right hand went under your chin and slowly pulled your mouth to his, going in for a kiss. At first, it was a soft, tender one. Then, as your moans and whines grew more often and his groans revrebrating through your body, the kiss deepened and the knot in your belly started to feel tighter and tighter, until San curled his fingers into your g-spot and clit at the same time and you beautifully came onto his fingers for the 2nd time in a row.
“That's it, sweetheart…” San whispered
Yunho continued from behind, “Such a good girl..”
How Yunho called you sent a shiver down your spine. Yunho lifted you up onto his lap, sitting you straight.
“One more, sweetie? We promise it's the last one…” he said.
“H-uh? I-” you couldn't even talk, but you nodded your head in approval. The boys looked at each other, giving understanding stares. San pulled you to his chest, placing you on his thigh. You were basically sitting sideways on his lap, your legs spread out evenly. Yunho came under your left leg, in the same position San was. They both pulled your legs outwards slightly, resting on one another's thighs. (it's like they're really close to each other and she's sitting on both men's thighs, left leg over Yunho's entire leg and right one over San's).
They held you promptly and their fingers traveled over your body, Yunho’s hand resting on your waist, San's on your breasts.
“Are you ready, our princess?” San asked.
You nodded. That was it.
“Hold your legs and spread out, darling.”
Both men's fingers went for your hole, a loud moan escaping your throat as you felt both men stretching you in opposite directions. One another was softly pulling towards themselves, inserting each of them two of their fingers, as deep as possible.
They took their time, as if savoring the moment as much as you, their breaths steady and close to your ear, a soft warmth reminding you that they were fully present. Their fingers moved with an intimacy that spoke volumes, every subtle yet harsh movement letting you feel how attuned they were to every reaction, every moan, whine you made.
Their touch became more focused, the rhythm of their fingers overwhelming as you felt the tension building deep within you. San’s voice was a soft murmur by your ear, encouraging you, each word melting into the warmth of his breath, heightening every sensation. Yunho’s grip on your waist steadied you, his thumb brushing along your side in tender, grounding strokes, keeping you fully present in the moment.
And then, with a final, gentle touch, the wave overtook you, breaking over you like a rush of warmth. Your body trembled in their embrace, your breaths mingling with theirs as they held you through every second, their hands offering steady reassurance as the sensations washed over you in gentle waves.
As you came down from your high, tears formed in your eyes from the overstimulation. You came all over their hands and linen for the 3rd time, biting your lips in pleasure.
They put you down slowly on the bed, then both sat right in front of you on their knees. Their cocks were dripping continuously with precum, hard and throbbing, waiting for action.
“Goddammit… you look so pretty like this. Teary eyes.. all fucked out and flushed and we didn't even fuck you yet. Yunho, isn't she perfect like this? Imagine her after we fuck her… oh god.” San said, carresing your cheek as he wiped off some tears.
Yunho’s eyes darkened, a low, breathless chuckle escaping his lips as he took in the sight of you, utterly captivated. He ran his fingers along your trembling jawline, thumb grazing over your lips. “Perfect doesn’t even cover it,” he murmured, voice laced with a deep, possessive edge. “But I don’t think I can wait any longer to see just how beautiful you’ll look after… Come here.”
He stood, pulling you gently toward the edge of the bed, eyes never leaving yours. “Right here," he instructed, his gaze commanding, leaving no room for hesitation. "Let’s see just how pretty you can be for us.”
He raised his brow at his cock, but backed off for a second. He looked at you, and then at San.
San smirked as he looked down at you, his eyes filled with intensity as he took in the sight of you kneeling so prettily on the edge of the bed, exactly where he wanted you. One knee pressed beside your thigh, he leaned in close, the warmth of his breath brushing your skin as he lifted his hand toward your lips.
Keeping steady eye contact, he raised his brows and tilted his head slightly. “Open,” he instructed softly, his voice commanding yet gentle, coaxing you to follow his lead. As your lips parted, he slipped two fingers past them, a glint of satisfaction in his gaze. “Good girl. Now, close around them… slowly, just like that.”
His fingers rested on your tongue, and he watched, completely focused, guiding you with a calm authority. “Suck, nice and easy," he whispered, his voice darkening, "let your tongue glide over them… there you go.” His eyes flickered with approval, and he leaned in just a little closer, his thumb brushing your chin as he murmured, “Show me how well you can listen.”
As you sucked on his fingers, coating them in your own saliva, he smiled at you, satisfied with your work. He then inserted one more finger, your tongue immediately moving and slurping around. After he was more than satisfied with it, he pulled out with a slight popping sound and backed off. He patted Yunho on the chest, who has been lazily stroking his length, looking at the two of you.
“Just in time.. I was going insane back here.” Yunho got closer to you, one of his hand tangling in your hair softly. “Open up, darling. Don't make me wait,” he said and tapped your lower lip with the tip of his cock, to which you opened your mouth and slowly took in his length. The corners of your lips stung as he slowly thrusted in your mouth, hurrying you to adjust to his size.
Yunho's breathing grew heavier as he watched you, his gaze dark and focused. Each slow movement seemed to be its own silent command, urging you to take more of him. His fingers tangled further in your hair, his grip firm yet tender.
You felt your cheeks hollow slightly as you adjusted to his size, your lips stretching around him in a way that sent a heated thrill through both of you. A soft whine slipped past your lips when he pulled back slightly, leaving you wanting more.
He chuckled, a low, knowing sound. “You feel so good, princess.." he murmured, his voice thick with restraint, though his eyes told a different story. You responded with a light hum, the vibrations adding to the tension building between you both. As his pace quickened, your hands found their way to his hips, steadying yourself as he guided you closer to his peak, mouth fucking you rapidly, feeling every corner of your mouth.
With one final, harsh thrust, Yunho’s breaths became uneven, his fingers tightening in your hair as his focus blurred, surrendering to the intensity of the moment. His low, rough voice spilled out in a shuddered exhale as he came. He looked down at you and nodded, urging you to slurp everything, “swallow, sweetheart.” and you did as told.
Just as you felt Yunho’s hand leave your hair, San took his place before you. He offered a playful smile.
Slowly, you welcomed him, the slight stretch challenging yet thrilling, but you never looked away. His hand reached forward as a tear slipped from the corner of your eye, a silent promise of reassurance as he swept his thumb gently across your cheek. With each slow movement, his thumb remained there, resting on your face.
“Fuck.. you didn't lie at all, man…” his head lolled back, biting his lip, “when you said she feels good..”
San’s breaths quickened as he found a rhythm, but he kept his focus on you, reading every reaction, every subtle change in your expression. He couldn't wait anymore. He wanted to cum and that was it. His hand pushed your head on his cock, making you gag and slightly choke on it. As he did that a couple of times he came right down your throat, urging you to swallow his load. It took him a couple of moments to release everything, your eyes teary as he kept his cock down your throat until the end.
“Damn.. that was hot” Yunho said from behind, his cock hard again, heavy in his hand.
“Princess.. would you be able to endure one round of… both of us fucking you, hm?” Yunho said, both men standing in front of you, keeping eye contact. “I just can't wait for my turn, you know?” he continued.
“I-uh” you hesitated for a second, but smiled and nodded shyly, looking up at him.
“That's our girl, man… look at her. Already flushed and ravished, but still wants more? Such a good girl…” San said and pushed you on the bed, crawling under you. He held you close to his chest as he moved up slightly and rested his back against the headboard. Yunho came from behind and kneeled right behind you, his hands resting on your waist.
“Are you ready, love?” he said from behind, your eyes looking into San's, not knowing what to expect. You nodded, and San was the first one to act. He thrusted as slow as possible in your cunt, your hands gripping the headboard as he let you get accustomed to his size. A loud moan escaped your throat, words stuttering as he started to keep up on a pace. Yunho did the same after he let you get used to San and as he started to softly fuck you, your eyes teared up and drops of tears fell onto San's chest. He wiped them off, in awe of your reactions and fucked you. harshness betraying his neediness for you.
“Fuck, you're so tight…” he said and his hands drove up and down on your back, trying to soothe you.
San’s hand gently caressed your cheek as you locked eyes with him, feeling his heartbeat strong and steady beneath you. His thumb traced over your cheekbone, wiping away any lingering tears "You’re incredible," he murmured softly, voice thick with admiration.
Behind you, Yunho’s hands remained anchored on your waist, fingers pressing into you in a grounding way. He leaned in close, his breath hot against your ear as he whispered, “You’re doing so well.” His tone was a blend of awe and satisfaction, his voice rough but filled with warmth that made you feel completely safe.
As they both moved with you, their rhythm became an unspoken exchange, synchronized in a way that felt almost effortless. You could feel the tension building in each of them, both of them on the edge, breaths deepening as they drew nearer to their highs. San’s grip on your thighs tightened, his knuckles grazing your skin, grounding you both as he savored every second. Yunho’s hand slipped up your back in a soothing motion, his rough exhale brushing against your shoulder, each of them close to finishing.
As they fucked you for a couple of times, you came unannounced, your aching walls tightening around their cocks. Surprised, both San and Yunho came down from their high simultaneously, their huge loads filling both of your holes to the brim. They fucked you through your orgasms and slowly came down to a stop.
Yunho slowly pulled back, exhaling a long, satisfied breath. His hand lingered on your back for a moment, his thumb tracing gentle circles, grounding both of you in the moment. He offered you a soft, tender smile, cheeks flushed and breathing deeply. San's arms wrapped tightly around you, pulling you close to his chest as he settled back.
“You did so well,” Yunho murmured, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your temple, his voice low and full of pride. His fingers brushed along your cheek with a feather-light touch, his gaze filled with awe. “You’re so beautiful, love… can’t believe how lucky we are.”
San pressed his lips to the top of your head, his grip tightening around you as he whispered, “Such a good girl.” His fingers traced soothing patterns along your back. “Every bit of you is incredible, you know that?”
The two of them exchanged a quiet smile over you, their gazes warm. They both leaned in, pressing gentle kisses to your cheeks, to your forehead, each one tender, grounding, letting you know how much you were cherished.
“Let's get you washed up, alright?” San said and lifted you, carrying you to the bathroom and placing you down.
“T-thank you.. it was in-incredible.” you finally managed to form a sentence, both boys looking contently in your eyes. They smiled at your words and San gave you a hand, holding you tight while the taller one turned on the shower.
NETWORKS:
@blossomnet
@illusionnet
PERMANENT TAGLIST:
@mingleshine @musiclovingfairy @crazylittlebisexual @sanhwalvr @gong-fourz @arki-sha @artistic-rendition @hongjoongtime117 @cypher-03 @woolysium @peachy-bell26 @memorabxlia @atiny1
#ateez fanfic#illusionnet#blossomnet#ateez x reader#ateez fic#ateez x y/n#fanfic#smut fic#ateez#ateez smut#smut#ateez yunho#yunho x reader#yunho smut#yunho x y/n#yunho x you#san x y/n#san fic#san x reader#san smut#san x you
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Do you have any thoughts on Karenumati and Vijaya?
PS: I love your writing!!!
SO many thoughts!
Karenumati:
Baby.
No, seriously, she's the baby of the PandavaParivaara.
Pampered daughter, definitely. I like to think Shishupala loved his daughter very much, it adds complexities (TM) to their relationship.
She's also pampered by her sisters-in-law/brothers-in-law and Mata Kunti ALL THE TIME. (She feels a bit suffocated at times.)
She fell madly in love with Nakula when she was pretty young, and Shishupala was loathe to deny his daughter anything so he proposed a marriage alliance when she was old enough.
I headcanon her as a curious person. She wants to know the why and the how of everything and anything under the sun. Combine this with the indulgence of literally everyone around her: she asks WAY too many questions (and not always the most tactful ones).
She feels like a replacement many times. When she was younger it stemmed from Shishupala's side glances when he was in a sullen mood (she wondered if he ever thought of his imagined children with Rukmini and judged her wanting); sometimes in Indraprastha she feels like a side-piece, a little ornament that is handled with too much care and only put on display for people to fawn over.
Other than Sahadeva, she gets along with Yudhishthira the most out of all her brothers-in-law. Surprising? Maybe. Despite the wide age gap, Yudhishthira's kindness does not feel indulging; no matter how many questions she asks, he always answers patiently.
Nakula takes her on the best outings and always treats her devastatingly romantically. She loves it, but sometimes she provokes arguments with him just to feel a little bit older.
She desperately wants to understand Rukmini better, but after seeing her father for so many years, she cannot help the distance that is between them every time they meet. But ater Shishupala's death, she breaks down in Rukmini's arms.
She is the stricter parent when it comes to raising Niramitra, having experienced how too much indulgence can spoil you.
She enjoys spending the most time with the kids in Indraprastha (or anywhere else, really) because they only know her as someone older than them and they will treat her with respect because of it.
Krishnaa and Vijayaa are also two of the few people who give her due accord and treat her like an equal. While everyone else do try their best and pull it off most of the time, Renu does feel like they still think of her as a child/younger so they are less likely to treat her as older.
Vijayaa:
I like to call her the Tinkerer.
Hehe. But yes, to me, Vijayaa rarely has need for words because she is always busy tinkering with something, taking it apart or fixing it.
Her hands are never still; they're always busy with some object or the other. If there's nothing in her hands, she cannot keep them still and it's a tic of hers to constantly fidget.
Even while she's in court, she'll be poking at something or the other, and everyone smiles fondly at her.
So. She rarely speaks, much like Sahadeva. She has a soft, lilting voice that can carry across an audience, however, and the kids will often run to her with requests for bedtime stories.
She and Sahadeva loved each other since they were young teenagers, and they would steal time together on his visits to Madra. It wasn't even a question of who she would choose in her svayamvara ceremony.
Her family would tease her about not needing to hold a svayamvara and skip directly to the marriage directly, but she held her ground firmly on wanting a svayamvara for the kingdom's sake.
Their love is quiet but no less passionate than their siblings' more fiery, whirlwind romances. Vijayaa knows she'll always have someone to speak all her unspoken thoughts to in Sahadeva; and Sahadeva knows Vijayaa will always sit in him with silence for hours or days if need be.
She takes Karenumati under her wing when she arrives at Indraprastha, recognizing her need to prove herself and a person to express herself freely with.
Her love language is gifting others; she makes the most beautiful things with her own hands and gifts them to all her family members. She's always working on passion projects; Sahadeva brings back interesting knick-knacks from the corners of the country when he's out travelling because he knows what she likes.
She didn't have many friends in her childhood despite being one of Madra's princesses, because she was too quiet and too absorbed in the works of her hands. The other noble daughters would frequently tease her for this, but she never paid them much heed.
One of her works that she's most proud of is the intricate gold bangles she crafted from scratch for Krishnaa when she gave birth to Shrutasena. Krishnaa never takes them off. (Not even during the Dyuta, I would like to say.)
She tries her best to see Lakshmanaa at least once a year, which is no hardship considering how often the Yadavas visit Indraprastha or the other way around, and frequently writes long letters to her cousin.
That's about it for now, I think? That was long. But I do love the PandavaPatnis.
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Steve Martin and Richard Kind as Charles-Haden Savage and Vince Fish ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING (2021) • S4E3: "Two for the Road"
bonus <3:
#only murders in the building#omitb#omitb s4#omitb spoilers#charles haden savage#vince fish#omitbedit#dailyflicks#cinemapix#my gifs#experiencing something like this would fix me#sadly a gifset cannot properly convey how funny the deliveries are#the aw charles! aww! kills me jajaja
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I wonder if Agate or Spinel were similar to Dot when they were younger. Especially Spinel. He is a recluse and spends a lot of time alone in front of computers. Friede called him shy, which probably has some truth to it. Maybe he never had any friends (human friends, at least) and just grew up like that.
#this is a random thought#but i do wonder if spinel and agate (but mostly spinel) were like dot#narratives that are like 'this could have been you if this didn't happen' and showing possibilities of how characters could have been etc#not saying dot would have become exactly like spinel but their similarities are striking enough#that it makes me wonder if he was a recluse shut-in before too#someone just absorbed in his own interests but didn't have anyone to reach out a hand to him perhaps (when dot had liko)#and then just growing up without experiencing friendship or didn't care enough to look for it#(something friede can fix him etc)#very curious to me and i hope we get to know more about it eventually#spinel#dot#agate#character notes
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it’s so disheartening having read books as a kid about magic and wonderful adventures and then growing up into a society where the norm is to work a 9-5 job and sit in traffic and pay off ur debts for the rest of ur life. it fucks u up it does
#I feel like I want something that just won’t ever be satisfied#maybe I should travel 🥲 maybe that would fix me#I feel like I’m experiencing a quarter life crisis here
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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oh. i’ve made myself very sad
#i was listening to a podcast and they were kinda just talking about being a teenager#and experimenting and exploring sexuality#which i never experienced as a teenager#but i also still haven’t#and then i thought about how#like#when i was in school i was always the girl people would ask out as a ‘joke’#and i should be able to move past that i mean im 24 now#but. like. i’ve still never actually been asked out. no one��s ever even flirted with me#no one has ever been interested in me like that#and it just makes me really sad#i guess there must be something wrong with me…#i wish i knew what so i could fix it and maybe someday someone would like me…..#anyways i feel like crying. i just want someone to love me someday but alas#snow.txt
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Didn't do the instrumental but I feel like that's prolly obvious to the few who have heard what little music I've made from scratch asfdgkhkajsdgf
I recorded this a couple weeks ago and finally have the courage to post it.
it's unpolished and I'm very aware of the imperfections in it, but I still really like the vibe it has, so I hope y'all enjoy it!
#my art stuff#my music stuff#music#singing#cover#voice acting#voice mimicking#it's a pony kind of christmas#mlp#my little pony#mlp fim#mlp g4#I do appreciate constructive criticism but I'm unsure if it would help me as I'm doing my best with what I have#and again- I'm at that stage in learning something where I know the basics and can do certain things really well if I really try!#But not experienced enough to completely apply my knowledge to what sounds off to me and fix it#please be kind ;;w;;#I know the voices aren't very accurate and stuff either btw#I like my versions despite that fact but I completely understand if it makes anyone cringe or anything#my pinkie used to be better before puberty hit 😔#but I've gotten a lot better at Flutters somehow! And I REALLY nailed Rarity here!!!#RD and AJ need strong work - especially RD as I have a really hard time hitting higher notes with her#And honestly? I barely even tried with Twilight. But she turned out surprisingly okay for what it is??#Might do another version sometime later where I try to stabilize my vocals a lil better cus it's kinda lacking in confidence n stuff#ANYWAYS I NEED TO STOP POINTING OUT FLAWS AND STUFF CUS I'VE LEARNED THAT TELLING PEOPLE THE FLAWS MAKES THEM STAND OUT A LOT MORE-#I SHOULD ALSO GO TO BED CUS IT'S 1AM SO NINI LMAO AKSJFDGHKJASDGFHGH#I also have another project similar to this - doing pony voice-adjacent stuff - if anybody's ever interested in hearing it?#idk just throwing it out there
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im reading jean valentine again and this is crazy to me
taking it out of context obviously, but framing it as though it would be the not knowing this other person that killed you, not whatever it was that you couldn't survive alone, is so exactly how i think about this whole thing
#it makes me think of something i was talking abt so long ago abt the structure of this book where a character very improbably survives#that there's a time at which you'll be saved and a time at which you will die and 'surviving' is just making it to the first one before#the second one happens#that the way each will happen is fixed in advance and the only element of chance is the chronology#'your liking me would have saved me and my liking you would have saved you' - this knowledge is still true even if it never comes to pass#(to hold open a space where something does not happen but where it not happening is experienced as an event itself) - the not meeting#the having-not-met#Jean Valentine#i wish i grew up the second i first held you in my arms
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tw: drug addiction
i just gotta say, the sound of the phone ringing and the sirens, both so masterfully folded into the beat at the beginning of agnes, is fucking bone chilling. it gives me waves of chills every single time and i don’t think that feeling, the feeling of full-body bouts of chills that course through me from the crown of my head to the tips of my toes until dave’s voice kicks in, will ever go away.
this song captures the trajectory of addiction SO well. i literally cannot even put it into words. but it’s so comforting????? it’s so comforting to hear someone else who has presumably lost a loved one (a close friend, in this situation) to the demon of addiction, outline the full course of its development.
i feel like,,, if you don’t have someone close to you who has struggled with and fought with addiction, it is so difficult for you to truly and fully understand how devastatingly heartbreaking—and excruciatingly painful—it is to watch the ravenous monster that is addiction fucking devour this person from the inside out. slowly. it corrodes their smile, it decays their mind, it dulls every single aspect of life except for when they’re high. they become nothing more than a shell of their former selves; a host for this parasitic sickness, who’s only care in life is that next fix, irregardless of what they have to do or who they have to hurt to get it.
and once that monster has been birthed inside of you, it never fully goes away. you fight it for the rest of your fucking life, irregardless of how much treatment you’ve gone through, irregardless of if you’re in treatment for the rest of your days on this earth. you battle those psychological cravings until you die, especially if your addiction was a coping mechanism or a self-soothing mechanism (which is so often is). it changes you and your life forever. and i dunno, i guess i feel like there’s still so many people who just can’t comprehend this and comprehend how much of a sickness addiction truly is. and i guess it’s really nice to find an artist you admire so much who DOES get it, who HAS experienced it. that’s all, i think.
#like#i can tell you all about how my dad used to sing and dance around the house on the weekends as we cleaned as a family#i can tell you all about how my dad used to take me everywhere i wanted to go even though he had no money#how he’d take me to the movies and to hockey games and how he always *always* got me a lil treat whenever we were at the store#something my mom for example would never do because she’d always tell me we didn’t have the money for even just a bag of candy#i can tell you all about who my father was in the early years of addiction#i can also tell you about his sobbing fits#i can tell you about the screaming matches over money and pills#i can tell you about how he punched a wall and we never fucking fixed that goddamn hole#i can tell you about how he was sick on the couch every single fucking month for YEARS of my life as he tried to quit over and over and over#i can tell you the signs of an opioid withdrawal fucking backwards#i can tell you about how he used to steal money from his children#i can tell you about how i had to give him money from my student loans so we didn’t lose our house#(which we did lose the house eventually; it was inevitable)#i can tell you about his overdoses#i can tell you about the terrifying conversations i’ve heard between him and his dealer#i can tell you all about how as he descended further into addiction he because a bitter shell of himself#a husk that cared about nothing and no one except for this pretty little white pills#i can tell you about how his abuse got INFINITELY worse#but you’ll never truly understand that devolution unless you’ve experienced what it’s like#i can talk your ear off about it and you can feel that sympathy and comprehend how difficult and painful it is#i have a very complex relationship with my father#i still hold a lot of anger towards him for all the things he did to us#all the things he did and still does to my mother#but it still HURT to watch him do this to himself#and impact my entire fucking family in the process#he’s been an addict since i was a fucking toddler#but anyway#these are just my morning thoughts today#do yourself a favour and go listen to agnes by glass animals
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kinda starting to feel like my anxiety is some sort of spiritual problem rather than a mental health one. like i’ve been in therapy for years and the sharper edges of the disorder have been filed off, but at the core of my being there is just this fear that pervades everything. my therapist doesn’t think i’d meet the criteria for sad/gad/etc anymore, and i don’t relate to the dsm list as much as i did. but like, the fear is still there. i don’t think therapy is gonna be able to touch this one (being said with around four and a half years experience with the process and a genuinely good therapist). the fear comes from somewhere else, and it doesn’t present like a thing i can fight with my brain. the therapy helped - it really did- but i just don’t think i can find the answer in that sphere, i think it’s given me all it can for now. does anyone know what i mean?
#anyway. would legitimately love to talk to anyone who gets what i mean because i feel like i’m losing it#i feel like i need to stab demons in my mindscape or find god or learn magic or tongue kiss the narrative#my anxiety has always been a little different to the dsm one tho like. it doesn’t talk to me#no racing thoughts or catastrophizing or even framing evidence that my friends hate me or whatever#it was always just quiet and blank#my therapist would ask me like ‘what thoughts are you having when [experiencing symptom] and i’d be like ???#i’m supposed to be having thoughts?? i’d just black out or detach or sink into myself and be unable to move or speak#you can’t argue with that kind of thing you know? can’t cbt ur way out bc there ain’t no c#it feels like i’ve been poisoned. or there’s a spell on me or something#i need to heal. and i need help. but i don’t know how to fix this and it is hurting me. preventing me from becoming who i was supposed to be#loving like i’m supposed to. creating like im supposed to. being apart of this world like i was born to be#i’m just. mourning the life i could have had if something wasn’t so so wrong with me#conari#anxiety#generalized anxiety disorder#social anxiety disorder#gad#sad#actually anxious#actuallyanxious
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~ ~ ~
#I think I’m lonely in a way I can’t fully describe#I have a partner and friends and family but still often feel alone even when I’m with them#I don’t feel close to anyone at times and I don’t know if it’s outside circumstances or just me#like with my partner being asexual we don’t really do certain activities that I’d like to partake in more often and I can’t hold it against#them for how they do/don’t feel but at the same time I’m craving a physical connection I can’t have and am struggling#doesn’t help that I think about sex all the time nowadays and would really like to be having it and experiencing/exploring certain things#it’s not always easy to take care of oneself that way and still also try to console the ace partner apologizing for who they are#and yeah hall passes are great but only if you have someone to use it on and I’ve never had anyone want to be with me sexually#moving on to bestie I don’t feel my same love and affection being reciprocated and that sucks because I really do anything I can for him#and am like that with pretty much all of mt friends where if they need me for something I’ll be there#but a lot of the time it seems like he really only wants to talk/hang out with me if he’s at work and I can come visit with him#any time I invite him to do something with me outside of work he flakes and so it’s not even worth inviting him anymore#and yeah there’s rare times where he’ll call me a bunch in one day but it’s always just to tell me some gossip from work#not that gossip isn’t fun but still don’t you want to jus talk to me? I always want to just talk to you even if it’s about nothing at all#I’m always the one putting myself out there for him and being there for him when he calls me but I almost never get that same response back#and it’s like I know he has a family so I know he can’t always drop everything for me nor would I ever expect that but just some matching of#my energy would be nice you know? but then I feel guilty/selfish because I feel like I shouldn’t ask that of him when he does have a life#away from work. and I mean I guess I do too but it’s different because partner and I don’t have kids and don’t do much aside from sit around#together or have tea or other things most often done at home. and I don’t live with partner full time yet so I also still have other freedom#outside of just being with them. and other responsibilities I take care of but not on the same level as a wife and kids I guess#idk now I just feel like I’m whining but tbh all this stuff is weighing on me and just making me feel really shitty#I don’t know how to fix these issues without sounding like a selfish bitch and I’m obviously not going to cut anyone off but I don’t really#see any other solutions forming either. so it’s like I guess I’ll just keep my mouth shut and keep feeling bad until the end of time since#that’s the easiest thing to do and then no one else is hurt or upset aside from me#I just feel like I’m destined to float through life never getting back what I need from my relationships but still giving everything because#I don’t know any other way to be. I don’t know how to set boundaries even for myself so I’ll just keep giving and giving until I’m dead#and yeah I guess I am still a lot happier than I used to be and I appreciate the people in my life#just sometimes feels like they don’t really appreciate me back is all#so now I have to lay here next to partner and have all this shit running in my mind and try to get over it on my own#reasonably I should just go to bed but the loneliness is gnawing at me and idk what to do to make it go away
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MADOKA - “I’m thinking I’ll order a beef udon bowl, since Sayaka-chan told me that they make those really good here. What about you, Homura-chan?”
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - Food needs can be met with an expenditure of 1.23% of total magic. Proceed?
GRIEF SYNDROME [Trivial: Success] - MAGICAL GIRLS THAT IGNORE FOOD ARE OFTEN MORE PRONE TO GRIEF ACCUMULATION. MY ARMS WILL ALWAYS BE WAITING FOR YOU, HOMURA, BUT IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE HAPPY UNTIL THAT DAY. BESIDES, MADOKA WANTS TO EAT WITH YOU. DISAPPOINTING HER WILL FILL YOUR SOUL GEM WITH A HALF A GRIEF SEED WORTH OF DESPAIR.
TEA WITH MAMI-SAN [Legendary: Success] - Sayaka says the beef bowl is good? Maybe go for that. She knows Madoka’s tastes better than anyone — and if Madoka likes something, you will certainly like it too.
“I will have the same as you, Madoka.”
“I’m not feeling very hungry.”
[CALL AND RESPONSE - Medium 10] Come up with an order on your own
CALL AND RESPONSE - [Medium: Failure] - You’ve eaten here before, you’re pretty sure. Was it Loop 32… no, Loop 12..? No, wait, it was on the first Friday of Loop 68. No… that’s not right. You’ve never eaten here before. In a stunning display of incompetence, you have taken Madoka on a date to a restaurant that you have never experienced before.
THE ANGEL - It’s okay, Homura-chan! I don’t mind if you haven’t eaten here before. Remember what real me said, Sayaka thinks this place is good! And even if it’s not perfect, that’s okay, just spending time with you makes me happy.
THE CRAVEN MASSES - Sayaka has raised her blade against Madoka 16 times before. You should leave this restaurant and kill her. It would only take-
FALLING SAND [Trivial: Success] - 1528 seconds on average.
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - It can be cut down to 1243 seconds with an expenditure of 2.7% of total magic pool.
THE CRAVEN MASSES - Exactly. Do it in front of her family and make it bloody. Kyoko would likely try and stop you, but even she isn’t immune to bullets. And if Mami comes for revenge, well, you know the exact words you could say that would destroy her, don’t you?
THE ANGEL - A-Ah, I think that’s a bit of an extreme reaction, Homura-chan!
HUMAN SHELL - Your heart rate is increasing. Stop that. You have absolute control over your flesh. Act like it.
MOE INSTINCT - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT ARE WE GOING TO ORDER MADOKA IS GOING TO LAUGH AT US
WITCH’S NIGHT - Is… is this a trap? Walpurgis may be defeated, but you know that the stage witch never truly ceases its show. Perhaps this restaurant is a part of the stage?
MADOKA - “Um, are you okay, Homura-chan?”
MOE INSTINCT - OH GOD SHE HATES US
“I’m going to kill myself.”
“I’m so sorry. Would killing myself make you feel more comfortable?”
Isn’t there anything else you can say?
YOU - Isn’t there anything else you can say?
THE DEVIL - Come on, Homura. It’s high time you do it. Really, this is just another in the long, long chain of failures that make up your life. The only way to fix it is to kill yourself.
CLOCKWORK PRECISION - Target: Located on right ring finger. Target is not moving. Chance to hit: High. Plan: Retrieve pistol. Aim pistol at ring. Pull trigger.
THE ANGEL - Oh my god, please do not do that!
"I am going to kill myself."
"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."
"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"
There. There has to be better options than this.
YOU - There. There has to be better options than this.
MOE INSTINCT - I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE. THE ONLY RECOURSE IS IMMEDIATE SUICIDE. THAT’S THE ONLY WAY MADOKA WILL LOVE YOU AGAIN.
"I am going to kill myself."
"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."
"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"
YOU - “I’m going to kill myself.”
MADOKA - Madoka’s face twists, her eyebrows raising slightly in shock. Whatever response she was expecting, it was clearly not this.
GRIEF SYNDROME [Challenging: Success] - IF MADOKA WAS A MAGICAL GIRL, HER SOUL GEM WOULD FILL BY A QUARTER HEARING YOU SPEAK THOSE WORDS. THAT WAS CRUEL, HOMURA.
MOE INSTINCT - WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?
MADOKA - “I’m so sorry, Homura-chan. Please don’t do that. I… I really care about you and so does everyone else.” Madoka’s eyes fill with tears as she speaks. She hugs you.
DAMAGED MORALE -4
CALL AND RESPONSE [Trivial: Success] - Quick, tell her you were making an edgy joke that didn’t land. You’ve gotten away with that before, you’re pretty sure.
SPACE-TIME MASSACRE - Twelve quarter shifts left and two up from your current space-time position, and there’s a Japan that it’s actually illegal to not commit suicide in.
FALLING SAND - You’ve been seated for 5 minutes and 32.5 seconds already and still have not ordered. Mami has requested your presence at her apartment in 3.4 hours from now.
TEA WITH MAMI-SAN - She wants to help you find a hobby. She’s really worried about you, you know.
STRINGS OF FATE - You can feel Madoka’s heart beat in sync with yours as she holds you. Everything will be alright, as long as you follow the beat.
THE ANGEL - Yeah! It’s okay Homura-chan. Just explain what’s been going on and Madoka will understand. And then order something, it’s important to eat a full meal!
YOU - “Ah, sorry Madoka. I was… overwhelmed with choice, and my… brain spit out the first thing it thought. I am not planning on killing myself.”
MADOKA - “Um, I think we should probably talk about this more, Homura-chan….”
CALL AND RESPONSE - Ask her a question to change the topic. It’s worked in three different loops, it should work here.
RATIONALITY COMPLEX [Trival: Success] - Ask her if she wants to try anything else and then order that for yourself. This will accomplish your goal of deciding on what to order, as well as showing Madoka that her desires are important to you.
YOU - “Is there anything else you’d like to try, Madoka? We can share our dishes.”
MADOKA - “Uh, okay Homura-chan. Maybe get some tempura?”
Order 10000 yen worth of tempura
Order 1000 yen worth of tempura
Order 100 yen worth of tempura
YOU - “Excuse me waiter, give me 10000 yen worth of tempura.”
HUMAN SHELL - Calories and magic are just two different types of fuel. Feed me and control me.
THE ANGEL - T-that’s probably too much, Homura-chan. Maybe you can sneak some into your cool shield, though!
MADOKA - Madoka doesn’t say anything, but her eyes do bulge out slightly. She gives you a gentle pat on the shoulder and smiles at you.
HEALED MORALE +1
RATIONALITY COMPLEX - Displays of wealth like this can broadcast value to potential mates. This will increase your value in Madoka’s eyes, furthering along one of your goals.
THE ANGEL - I think you should just focus on enjoying the food, Homura-chan. Take a break, everything is okay.
Thank you.
Why don’t you hate me?
YOU - Why don’t you hate me?
THE ANGEL - Because I care about you, Homura-chan! And besides, you hate yourself far too much already.
Thank you.
THE ANGEL - You’re welcome! Now, please, enjoy your meal with real Madoka. She loves you a lot too, you know.
#disco elysium#pmmm#madoka magica#yellowed pages#this took an unfortunate amount of my day dhdhdh wrote most of this in between running to do pointless chores
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I miss portugal so much its almost disgusting sometimes
#and no one understands#aside from ania everyone else was glad to return to poland or spain or whatever#but i have nothing to return to#i feel like i almost felt happy in portugal tbh#i miss everything about it#mostly my friends#or even our daily basis that we established for ourselves there#i miss being close to the ocean#i know going to barcelona wont fix it and it certainly wont be the same#but i just need to feel something experience something#im stagnating here#it was difficult studying in english but we always managed in the end#our uni was like 20 mins away from lisbon by a train whixh was so perfect#we got to live in a calm and peaceful and quiet town while still being close to the capital#we ve seen so much together#i dont think i would have ever seem madeira france and barcelona had i i not gone to portugal#so grateful for this opportunity#sometimes im wondering what the fuck am i even doing here studying transport here#but i dont regret shit#this uni madr it possible for me to go to portugal and meet the peple that i met#cant believe i almost didnt go#the only thing keeping me alive rn is the possibility of experiencing smth similar in barcelona#i just really need to go somewhere anywhere
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I hope there is hell specifically so i and only i can go there i deserve pain worse than anyone has ever felt. I do not deserve to live i do not deserve to exist my existence is a horrible despicable vurse upon this world everyu single problem on this earth is my fault and mine alone I am completely serious/genuine about this. I want to suffer because i deserve it. I cannot tolerate pain and i think is shouls drown in a flood of it. The world would improve significantly if i was torn limb from limb bone from bone and reassembled in an infinite loop.
#boiled electronics#this is a normal thing to think. this is a normal amd healthy belief. i am mentally stable.#I am 100% sure that i will be alive and not dead from suicide at 20 years old#yep.#totally.#prba ly#someone kill me#please.please. i want to die eo badly i dont even know why its not like ive experienced suffering in my life#or that I've ever been sad. ( i cannot experience sadness i am fundamentally a horrible person and cannot experience negative emotions)#theres something wrong sith me but i dont think i should fix it. the worse i feel (which i cant i cant feel bad) the better the world is#therefore the world cannot improve until i die becuase then i won't feel anything which mean i can't feel good so the world wont get worse#someone kill me someone kill me someone kill me someone kill me someone kill me.#i should notg et therapy i dont deserve it. i only deserve death.#Yet because of my fundamental complete atrociousness I cannot bring myself to do so myself so please. i ask you this#anyone who sees this. it would be best for tge world if you found a way to get my real life adress and room and then shoot me or something#I make things worse for everyone universally no one but me understands this fully. nothing can improve until i am gone.#i want to die i want to die wiant to die iwajt to diea#kill .e kill me kill me kill me kill me li.elkee
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"OH WELL, IM NOT GONNA BE HERE FOR LONG, IM GONNA SHIFT ANYWAY" girl...
let's break down why this mindset, although very common, isn't super healthy...
I saw a post earlier where op talks about how they are un phased about all the bad things happening to them because they "won't be here for much longer”, which is so real and it honestly made me laugh so hard but, i must admit, this way of thinking can also have an unhealthy side.
I, personally, have also been victim to this mindset, and honestly i can tell you nothing good comes from thinking like this. You experience something bad, hurtful, embarrassing, slightly traumatic (which, bear in mind, you wouldn't have experienced if you hadn't procrastinated and tapped in to the void) and you tell yourself "it's okay, i'm not here for long anyway", you abandon responsibilities (that, again, wouldn't be your responsibility if you would ve stayed disciplined and tapped in) and you tell yourself "it's fine, i'm gonna shift anyway" "i'm probably gonna get into the void tonight so it doesn't matter"
NO NO and NO
of course it's good to have the mindset of knowing, knowing that it's your last day here and knowing that the void is the only outcome for you, because that type of thinking is what allows you to shift consciousness and tap in to the void, but a lot of you say that shit without even properly applying your knowledge, a lot of you are gonna remain sounding like broken records, repeating this shit for years, i swear it will be 2028 and yall will still be saying "it's okay i won't be here for long", "im gonna shift anyway"
don't wait for shit to hit the fan for you to get serious about your desires, don't wait for your circumstances to get horrible for you to finally fix up and actually do something. If you really knew you were a god, you wouldn't be here reading this, you would be as pretty as you wanna be, and as rich and happy as you wanna be enjoying your dream life. Don't fall into a comfortable routine with your current reality, (which is really just your old story) because it's not worth it. I even see you guys making and scripting for a "better current reality" (another excuse to remain comfortable with procrastination), when you could have your DREAM life, you guys get swept up in your old story, just because it can be "alright" sometimes. And then when something bad happens, you repeat the same phrase "oh well, i'm gonna shift anyway", and then when things go back to being "alright", you get comfortable again, further procrastinating, when you could have ANYTHING. Who cares about your "alright", "mediocre" reality when you could have the best and more!!
like girl, don't stay comfortable until you're forced to get uncomfortable with a negative change in circumstances. You should be determined to shift consciousness ALL THE TIME, not just when things get tough or responsibilities pile up. Because again, if you had that consistent mindset you wouldn't be here.
get uncomfortable with what you have to achieve what you want, so that all you want becomes all you have
GET UNCOMFORTABLE NOW SO YOU CAN LIVE COMFORTABLY FOR ETERNITY, DONT WAIT FOR SHIT TO HIT THE FAN ᥫ᭡💋
#salemlunaa#shiftblr#permashifting#reality shifting#shifting#law of assumption#loa#success story#void state#the void#void concept#respawning#the void state#void state tips#voidstate#void#manifesting#master manifestor#shifting community#shifting blog#shifting consciousness#shifters#manifestation
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