#loving like i’m supposed to. creating like im supposed to. being apart of this world like i was born to be

[anarchofairy]

kinda starting to feel like my anxiety is some sort of spiritual problem rather than a mental health one. like i’ve been in therapy for years and the sharper edges of the disorder have been filed off, but at the core of my being there is just this fear that pervades everything. my therapist doesn’t think i’d meet the criteria for sad/gad/etc anymore, and i don’t relate to the dsm list as much as i did. but like, the fear is still there. i don’t think therapy is gonna be able to touch this one (being said with around four and a half years experience with the process and a genuinely good therapist). the fear comes from somewhere else, and it doesn’t present like a thing i can fight with my brain. the therapy helped - it really did- but i just don’t think i can find the answer in that sphere, i think it’s given me all it can for now. does anyone know what i mean?

[mythalism]

Dude yeah Solas going back to the prison is so dumb to me. Like I assumed before seeing Trick’s post they he and the inquisitor were going into the fade itself to where he sealed the dreams or whatever. But instead I’m going to take my wife to my divorcee empty ass apartment where the ghosts of my past call me a wet loser? What?

JHGKEJRGHKERJHGKREJGH no ur right. i think it genuinely only works when you look at it from a mythological story perspective rather than the two of them as individual people... which is interesting because their whole stories are kind of about how they lose themselves to the myth that surrounds them... so i think its supposed to be the ultimate conclusion of that.

they are at once both finally free of the burdens of the myths and expectations that follow them as the dread wolf and the herald of andraste because they have left the mortal world that forced them into those roles and stripped them of their personhood, but they have also completely submitted themselves to those roles by submitting to the logical conclusion of the myths that they could not escape. for the dread wolf, it is earning his redemption through his willing submission to his own trap. its the logical, full-circle mythological conclusion to the trickster who trapped the gods, now trapped for eternity himself (allegedly, he will prob eventually break out... even loki gets his freedom during ragnarok...). for the inquisitor, it is andraste's herald finally sharing andraste's fate, choosing to leave the mortal world behind to ascend to the golden city alongside the god that she loves. both (presumably, for a lavellan) have tried to reject the myths attached to them over and over and over, but in the end they choose them willingly, and that choice at once binds them to those myths forever while simultaneously freeing them from the burden of them. its giving oedipal greek tragedy of attempting to outrun your fate and it finding you anyway, just when you thought you were finally making your own choice, but with a hopeful and bittersweet spin. its actually fucking insanely brilliant when i think about it this way it makes me genuinely foam at the mouth.

however the major caveat to this is i do not think this is presented nearly clear enough in veilguard. the only reason i am able to create such wonderful, deep meaning from this is honestly because my bachelor's degree is in literature and i literally have formal academic training analyzing storytelling. and it took me like a week to actually sift through all this in my brain and go back and sift through lines and images in the game to support my analysis. it should not take that much work, it should have been more clear. because yeah, the first time you play it it absolutely feels like your girly pop lavellan is making the WORST, down-bad delulu decision of her life while the rest of the world is screaming GIRL DUMP HIM!!!!!!!! and im not suggesting im smarter than anyone for looking at it “the right way” or anything like that. im saying that i think in order to get the meaning from it that the writers intended, you have to look at it through a very specific literary lens, and that is something that most people are not going to default to… because why would you? the story should lead you there on its own. there shouldn’t be a niche prerequisite to enjoying the ending. a few more lines about people made into myths, much like those we got throughout inquisition, could’ve helped facilitate this. they did a great job of hammering in the regret and choice themes to the point it was like beating a dead horse with a stick. and there are a few good lines that kind of give this vibe (“you’re not JUST the inquisitor, right?” “they call me the dread wolf, what will they call you when this is over?” “there is no fate but the love we share,” a codex from felassan about solas being forced to play into the dread wolf persona, etc.) but they probably could’ve added a few more to talk about mythological apotheosis and choice in the context of fate rather than just in the context of regret, and it would’ve helped at least a bit.

so i fully understand peoples discomfort with the ending as a result. i think it’s a logical conclusion to come to based on how the story presents itself. however im pretty confident that this mythological vibe was tricks intention, based on a lot of their comments about their writing process and inspiration for solas, and the way they have written him overall. @corseque has a lot of amazing posts in her solas tag that talk specifically about the very deliberately mythological way that weekes wrote solas, and i think this is essential context for understanding the ending that the game simply does not sufficiently provide. it also definitely invalidates a lot of people's perceptions of not just their inquisitor, but the solavellan romance as well. however i hope me blabbing about how it can be absolutely brilliant when viewed through a specific lens might help people feel more at peace with it <3

[ghostchems]

i am definitely feeling much better after this little extended break from tumblr.

it’s nice to just write what i want and not be worried about what’s popular, what people are talking about, will i get notes, etc. i’m like in my own little world and i only really focus on the feedback i get on ao3.

i haven’t missed the drama that gets stirred up, the anons that get sent out of anger and people acting like their headcanons are CORRECT when we can interpret ghost however we want.

i want to dig in a little bit on what sent me away though.

i had an experience with someone in the fandom. they were in a server i was in. they were pushing their fic which is fine and i love when people are passionate in what they write about but it was a ship that is very polarizing in the fandom. i follow people who ship it and am able to scroll past and support their other works, but this was in a server so it was forced on me and other members.

a channel was created specifically for the ship. but they kept on posting outside of it with their fic and things about it until it got to the point where i very nicely asked them to keep it in the channel that was made for it. i am not being subjective when i say i was nice about it. i was. I can understand wanting people to read your fic and being super into what you’re writing and stuff. i even said that. but at that point it’s like im sorry im not going to read it because i just don’t want to read about that ship.

then things got really weird. messages were sent and then unsent. they told me i triggered their mental illness. basically making it out that i was the problem, that asking them nicely to keep it to the specified channel was the problem.

that was the final straw man. i am sure a lot of people have run into issues like this on here where people just don’t care about your feelings and make themselves out to the the victim no matter what. it really turned me off to this community I’ve been apart of for like two years.

it’s like people forget what ghost is all about sometimes.

we’re supposed to be nice to each other and support each other. to listen and do better if someone is uncomfortable or tries to establish a boundary, especially in a place like a server. it’s okay that we all ship different things and headcanon different things but just be chill about it man.

i also want to point out some of the good though — I’ve met some really REALLY lovely people on here. people i talk to every day. that are nice and kind and funny and creative. i wouldn’t take back the time i spent on here for anything. i am very thankful to ghost for helping me find like-minded people who are just really awesome friends.

unfortunately, i do not foresee myself coming back here and being active like i used to be ever again. and that's okay. we all have to do what's best for ourselves here. but just be wary. set up those boundaries if you need them.

take care of yourselves here, friends.

[lostdrarryfics]

lostdrarryfics monthly roundup! July 2024

Below you will find the requests we could not locate in the month of July. Please let us know if you recognize any!

You can also browse our lengthy lost fic masterlist, where we have compiled every request we have been unable to find over the past few years. We're always hoping someone will recognize a fic so we can let the asker know what it was!

1. It was on ao3, 8th year, after the war, very often the writing shifted between draco and harry's POV. Draco and theo were dating (but they breakup in the end so drarry gets together), it's also a bottom draco fic but I can't remember any specific sex scenes. Theo peer pressures draco to do pills-like drugs and latter ron mentions to harry that he saw theo and draco staring at ron weird and laughing in the hallways at night. Their relationship is toxic but I don't remember much about it, draco and harry slowly starts to become friends, it's more or less at the same rhythm as Theo and draco relationship crumbles. I remember there was a point were theo has sex with some other guy to get more drugs and draco gets upset because he was cheating but then theo says that the other guy raped him and draco is not supposed to tell anyone because he could get in trouble and harry is secretly listening to the most part of the discussion and in his head he starts to question why would nott get in trouble if he was the victim but ultimately doesn't do/say anything about it. Theo gets addicted to those drugs but I can't remember if draco get as well or not. I can't recall if someone harasses draco for being a ex death eater but the students definitely look at him, and other slytherins, differently and most of them get excluded from the rest of the school despite the majority being innocent or too young to have done anything

2. harry and draco I think were already together. But Hermione liked draco and tried to steal him from harry and either used a love potion or gave him a cookie which made him fall in love with her. Some maybe key points I remember are: Harry was thinking and out of space not listening to ron and hermione fighting, when they finally got his attention ron told him about how Hermione thought it was ok for her to flirt with draco even in front of harry. Then at some point draco came up to the three and as he left hermione kisses him on the cheek in front of harry. I read the story on Wattpad in like 2020/2021 and Im pretty sure it had chapters.

3. harry has an owl service or some delivery food service like ubereats, postmates, deliveroo and once he learned who the order was for, Harry was going to give Draco Malfoy a piece of his mind for such a request for late delivery. “ugh pure bloods and their wealth”. then unexpectedly the wards let Harry in, and then he was face to face with Draco. now I will be honest, the role of Harry and Draco could be reversed, but I don’t think so? It may feature a young Scorpius Malfoy or Teddy Lupin. rating: explicit / mature? last remember reading it on ao3. One shot, completed. Maybe apart of Harry/Draco Owlpost Fest? tags: post-war, not canon compliant?, owl, owlpost, delivery, malfoy manor, grimmauld place, order, baked goods, food service. harry and draco are like in their 20s-30s. one chapter: about 10K words

4. i’m pretty sure in this fic harry is this well known baker/pastry chef in the wizarding world, and him and draco become friends and soon start dating. draco falls in love with harry’s sweet desserts which harry claims has a “special ingredient” which he won’t tell draco until the end. that’s when they meet in harry’s pantry/bakeshop and draco soon learns harry methods to creating such desserts, especially when harry uses his magic literally and metaphorically to create a huge order for a Ministry event which make draco falls deeper for him and his special filling especially when they go to the eat and eat his home made desserts. rating: explicit / nc-17. last I remember reading it on ao3. May be apart of a Drarry fest including: H/D Erised or Food Fair or Owlpost. From 2020-present maybe? tags: post war, not canon compliant, bakery, baker, pastry chef harry, coffee shop, coffee, post hogwarts/ harry potter epilogue what epilogue, frosting, icing, innuendos, pwp, cake, batter word count, filling, cream, crème, food, euphemisms. harry and draco are like in their 20s-30s. one chapter: 10K-20K words

5. fic I read a couple months ago. I found that fic at AO3, it's a multiple chapter (I don't remember the exact number of chapters). Main couple is Drarry. The fic is not magical au, I think Harry is a university student(?) and such an extrovert slight flirty person, but he only has Hermione as his friend. Btw, in that fic, Hermione is having an affair with Remus (their professor). Harry is crushing over Draco (Draco's not a university student), he's often goes to the campus to pick up Astoria, his girlfriend at that time. One day, Astoria invite Harry to her house in order to spice up her bed activity with Draco. At first, Draco is so shocked and offended(?) with Harry's presence (Draco has a idk what to call it, i guess internalized homophobic(??) caused by his father action). But then, slowly, Draco become more intrigued to Harry. Harry also realized that Draco is not the same as what Draco show in the outside, Harry knows that Draco hide his dom side(?) to look so calm, collected, chill, and so on). I think it's save to say that there are some infidelity at that fic but at the end Draco ends his relationship with Astoria first before officially start a new one with Harry. Oh, and Astoria is kind of regret her choice introducing Harry to Draco because she kind of sad to lose Draco, but no hard feeling tho.

6. the first few chapters are poems. Draco was fleeing to the muggle world or something and Harry captured him. Harry is also an Alpha and he mated with Draco forcefully, I think in this world if one of them dies then the one mated with you can be dead too. Thank you so much, it’s on AO3 but I can’t find it.

7. looking for a fic where Draco works as a mailman or something and he plays chess with one of the elderly lady in a wizarding nursing home. The lady also gives him tips but it embarrasses him but he accepts out of necessity. Harry is an auror and a newly turned werewolf and he cannot control himself around Draco like I remember that he keeps sniffing him while they were near an elevator. I've reread this fic but I can't seem to remember the title!

8. looking for a fic i only read the synopsis for (i swear i saved it but i cant find it now) basically draco writes a letter to harry saying "I'm going to kill you" but harry misreads it as "im going to kiss you"

9. fic on ao3, it was about Draco being like a sex slave for the deatheaters, and he was held up in chains and perceiving a lot less of his surroundings due to him trying to not feel anything. The plot of the war was different, and Harry and Ron were using polyjuice to get inside the manor, then they found Draco and were surprised, but Ron did like a gesture that he would also r4pe Draco (like unzipping his pants or something) and Harry stopped him, I think Harry said to Draco that he was gonna try to set him free when they could and Draco stayed there while watching them go. I'm not sure about that last part, and I do not remember much more or maybe even he wasn't free at all at the end

10. what I remember is that Draco was held in a room at Order headquarters, I remember several members tried to visit him for questioning, including Harry. But Draco didn't reveal anything at all. Then there is a scene where Harry comes in and tells him that Lucius Malfoy is dead, Harry shows the ring as proof that he is not mistaken

11. I could be mixing up two fics. I'm pretty sure it was on AO3. It was a 4th year AU, where I believe Harry and Draco were already dating when the Tournament happened. One scene that I remember clearly is that when Harry has to do that wand thing for the tournament, his wand just doesn't want to be used by Ollivander, so it hits Ollivander in the head. Also I think that Harry and the other champions get along pretty well and ARE working together. So much so that I think that they all agree that they just don't really wanna be a part of the tournament and then they train together and everything. And if I'm not mistaken, for the second task they all decide to use a boat? To get to the Merfolk village and then just dive and get their hostage. And for the third task they were just planning on get inside the maze and do a picnic?

[ikigaitsuki]

hello! here’s a small update

i keep seeing new followers and interactions and anons so i thought id actually take a second to finally give some sort of “what’s been going on in gai’s world”

to start, i can’t remember the last time i even wrote. it’s been over a year, i know that. to still have regular interactions from followers old and new is very lovely - i appreciate it so much.

i know there’s things i’ve written here that people have been waiting forever practically for the second parts. i honestly didn’t think id ever come back to finish them.

a part of me wanted to disappear from here entirely and another part really appreciated this little space i’d created. there’s been a lot of my favourite mutuals slowly leaving this platform and it becomes very isolating when you’re funnelling out work and not maintaining these online relationships.

however, writing is something i want to get back into. it’s hard, because i’m really living an adult life now and the time i have is just not what i had when i first started this account. i can’t say “hey, i’ll write again in 3 days, months, years”, i have no time frame. im also not as into the whole kpop scene as i used to be, which makes inspiration pretty bleak for me. our interests fluctuate though i suppose!

if i ever wanted to give this up completely though, you’d know about it. there’d be some post like this where i’m saying goodbye or something lmao. that’s not happening.

i’m so entirely grateful for the people that continue to give me even the smallest feeling of “ok yes i can get back into this” because that’s so huge for me. id love to write again and make stories for the people who want to read what i have to say. im not sure if i sound dramatic but being able to give to you my creative outlet is just so massive. i’m giving you my creative mind, and that is so vulnerable. my work is always so well received, and people have such lovely things to say. thank you.

i’ve also had major indexing issues with this account. so posting has been hard because nobody actually sees it? i’m actually a major loser when it comes to technology and so messing around with coding and stuff just knocked the life out of me - another reason why i just gave up a little with writing. it’s not about having thousands of notes, but when you’re posting and nobody is going to see it apart from through reposting (which i assume people are still abysmal at) it’s just not motivating.

anyways, i’m not sure if this is something that people will read and feel happy over, but nonetheless i’m putting it out there. in not going awol, im in the process of discovering what i want to do going forward.

if you’re reading this, thank you, always. and don’t forget, you can message me, send me an anon, do whatever! i don’t bite. you might not see me active every day here but i pop by regularly.

- gai

[alkalineleak]

For some context there are more than 300 sign languages in our world and with the addition of the undersea I imagine mana could probably have double that amount. anyway here we go:

there’s the Capital Sign Language which is the one everyone’s “supposed” to know. however, in practice, it’s not as wide spread and people only really learn it if they think they’ll be spending significant time in the capital. so people on the outskirts of the capital would prob use that one

there’s a much more common “Traveller’s/International Sign Language” but again - only really fully learnt if people think they’ll go travelling and is probably a lot more common around countries(?)/cities/towns/etc that are near each other. (can’t remember if you’ve talked about it but I imagine there’s a large population cluster around the capital and then the further away you get the more it dwindles out.) caspian’s tribe for eg probably only knows their specific one

^there is probably some overlap in these -> for eg BSL and Auslan use the same alphabet and have other overlaps (<- although I’m not sure how Much exactly: I only know bits of Auslan) so basically: places close together where people would be more likely to talk to each other/move to those other places etc etc would probably have some overlap in their particular sign languages <- I would say Traveller’s/International Sign Language mostly came about from that and is just more of an attempt to make an “official” version

even within the overlap people have their own dialects though. for eg: auslan has two main dialects! -> northern and southern. and these signs can be fairly different sometimes

i imagine the oversea and the undersea wouldn’t really have similar sign languages though. considering they don’t interact with each other much?

if gillion knew sign language he’d know the Capital’s sign language and definitely wouldn’t know the same one chip does which is probably a pirate’s/oversea traveller’s/International sign language (I wouldn’t be surprised if pirates had their own sign language considering all the other culture they have and that seems like the kind of one he’d have been taught)

also! since the four corners of the sea are just? completely cut off from each other? apart from Allport at least -> I feel like they would also all have very distinct sign languages that don’t have much overlap. but each corner has overlap within itself. if that makes sense o(-(

anyway here we go! I’m still learning a lot about sign language culture (specifically auslan’s) but I thought I’d apply what I do know to mana since I feel like it wouldn’t make sense for there to be One Single Sign Language esp considering how many different sign languages we have in our own world

I’ve got a bit more on the overworld but i need to have lunch now and this is already long so I’m stopping here lol

I FUCKING LOVE SIGN LANGAUGE oh im so excited to read this

I HAVE talked about the undersea capital being in a cluster yea yea. Does the capitals sign langauge build off of other sign languages in the undersea or is it a completely new one and every other one was Based off of the capitals? I'm assuming its a bit more of the former so that its somewhat understood to certain extent by people who dont know it. OR is it more of the... I forgot what its called exactly but its a sign language type that is more for education and understanding spoken/written language rather than actual sign language? Is it more of that?

Oh and if theres specific language/travellers signs are there signs more designated to people of certain work that were brought in or no ?

Oh this does make me wonder tho !!! Are there more spoken language-ified signs ? Well, not spoken more like written since primordial and aquan are more just Sounds but ykno

Oh no no yeah i get it each place has its own sign which then has its own dialects and then its own New signs created in populated zones that create new dialects etc etc

Abyways this is so fucking cool ty for sharing. If u wanna share more my eyes are wide fucking open

[hazelcephalopod]

So mostly I try to just let the MCU be -for my own well mind as much as any issues with the MCU. But… im having thoughts tonight.

It’s been ages, and as I said I have mostly just been ignoring the MCU but I’m still not over TFATWS. So many disappointments, so many things could have been executed better. Like it was ok ultimately as a product. But I keep coming back to, who plotted this out and was in charge of characterization? Sam was ok, except for his entire background as a group therapy leader being utterly ignored. Or expanding much upon him as a character other than the bare minimum. Which actually becomes more an issue the more I think about it. And Bucky, I’ll get to Bucky. Then Walker is set up to become a guy I’m supposed to care about? Maybe? As a hero? No fucking way, that will be the day. Karli… geez… fucking a total mess that was. All the little things that they just didn’t care enough about it felt like.

Continue below for my rant about “What the fuck were they doing with Bucky in this series?”

So, Bucky. I know… I do but like he’s been around forever and I just don’t think anyone -well the hired and laid writers- knows what to do with him. He’s like the Castiel of the MCU -ok maybe not quite, that would be Loki. They just kinda throw him into the story in such a way that he’s intriguing! “Here’s the third(?) super soldier ever created. He was the second one’s, and first successful one’s, best friend. Like closest you can imagine. Would die for each other close, sleep with each other close -what do you mean gay?! Anyway, he’s supposed to be dead, but instead he was experimented on and has been cryo-hopping through the last few decades as a brainwashed dissociating assassin for the… Soviets? Hydra? Secret Nazis? All of the above? The baddies. Ok now the hero will have to spend two movies trying to find and free him, the most important person in his life (based on the content of these movies). All while trying to find love but for some reason he can’t…” like, yea it made me a little weird. It’s weird! And also sounds like an epic love story! Steve decided he must free Bucky from the brainwashing and mental chains the baddies have placed him in and through his love friendship he does! Bucky’s mind starts coming back to him, he is able to pull himself out of a state of deep dissociation tbh. It’s.. a choice. And then Steve chooses him over everyone in the world basically. So… that’s the basis of Bucky’s character.

So, now comes this series where the mysterious, dark hero with a troubled past and [gestures to that story above]. Is one of the main characters! Steve? He went back in time to be with his ex who a) died; b) lived a very happy life without him; c) leaves everyone he knows here. (Won’t get into that again).

Anyway, Series starts. Bucky wakes up from a horrific nightmare of the violence he was forced to do sleeping on the floor in a bare, in decorated, mostly furniture-less apartment. He is in therapy tho. Also, probation (which is a bundle of what the fuck). Part of his therapy is “He has to ask people he has wronged to forgive him.” Forgive him… for his actions… uh… his actions that hurt them… while he was brainwashed (with basically mind control technology)… ‘k. Right. So… someone decided “hey the brainwashed guy who, was being tortured into a state of mindless compliance.” Literally. That is what the pain chair did. “Yeah? Is uh… required to ask forgiveness to be absolved of his crimes. For the therapy for his PTSD or whatever. And then he’ll be forgiven by this one guy.? And he’ll be ok. Also he’ll decide to accept violence back into his life and end his therapy.” Right… that counts very healthy /s. (BTW I think whoever wrote this thinks that is perfectly fine).

Like, the guy I saw in Cap 2 seemed partially checked out most of the time. Possibly except to fight. In Cap 3 he could be sent into a mindless battle state with a couple words due to whatever torture he’d been through. There’s video proof! Wakanda did most of the heavy lifting, getting rid of the brainwashing (mostly). The therapy is just… idk, cuz? At minimum it’s bad, a bit negligent. Makes the therapist appear sorta incompetent at times. At worst it seems like a conspiracy and possible maliciousness on behalf of the therapist. But that’s never explored because it’s not what this is about. Which begs the question, why include it?

I understood the narrative, but there were deeper levels then “he feels guilty because he was controlled to do murders”. Like maybe it’s more complex than that? I can’t remember anyone saying “it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t you.” Or something to that effect. Even if that’s not what he wanted to hear I think someone should have said it and had that conversation with him. Idk. Just… just saying. Now he’s gonna be the healthy one in the Thunderbolts or whatever. Is that earned? Really? Idk man.

[yslkook]

sonder

pairing: taehyung x reader (exes au) summary: sonder: the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. or

“What am I about to say?”

“That nothing has worked out for you since we dated, because even though the women you date are all wonderful, all you see in them is me,” You exhale, “I might have to kick you out if you say something as predictable as that.”

word count: 3459 warnings: alcohol, smut (penetrative sex, oral f receiving, tae is possessive for like half a second, some tears) a/n: inspired by these pictures of taehyung. also if this feels rushed, that was on purpose- i wanted to make them kinda messy 

Your second whiskey of the evening burns something bitter in the back of your throat, but you welcome it. It’s a welcome respite from the shitty week you’ve had, but that’s besides the point.

One of your favorite things to do to unwind after a tough week is to people watch, and one of your favorite places to do so was at the bars near your apartment. You liked to create vivid stories for these people that walked through the bar- who they were, what their backstories were. It was an amusing game to you, and even if both Yoongi and Hobi told you that you needed a better hobby, you’d only scoff at them.

Speaking of, Yoongi was supposed to be joining you soon. But apparently he’s running late. About fifteen minutes late, according to his cryptic text from earlier:

yoongi: running late, im bringing a friend

You think nothing of it, not really. And you just sip on your whiskey, watching a pair of new faces walk through the door from your stealthy booth in the corner of the bar.

You should’ve known that when Yoongi had said he was bringing a friend, it meant Taehyung. You briefly remember Yoongi telling you that Taehyung had moved back to the city a few weeks ago.

Taehyung, who had moved away halfway across the world years ago as a novice in the art history world. Taehyung, who had broken your delicate heart and taken pieces of it with him more than five years ago.

But even so, you harbor no ill feelings towards the man. He did what he had to do, and you did as well. It’s been so long now, that he should almost be a stranger to you. 

Yoongi watches the way your lips part in surprise at the sight of Taehyung- he knows there are still lingering feelings, maybe a lack of closure. Maybe something else that you don’t feel like discussing or diving into. You send him a hearty death glare his way but Yoongi ignores it.

You and Taehyung are nothing if not stubborn. Taehyung hasn’t stopped asking about you since he moved back to the city.

After all, you’ve hardly dated since Taehyung broke up with you. You had sincerely, genuinely believed that he was your one and only, your forever. It just hadn’t felt right, not with anyone else. So you just stopped, not wanting to force love with people if your heart really wasn’t in it.

And now, Taehyung is standing in front of you, dressed in expensive black from head to toe, looking as if he had just walked off of the runway before meeting up with Yoongi. His hair is longer than you ever remembered it being, two small silver hoops in his ears.

Handsome. He looks healthy and warm. He looks good.

You clear your throat and wave at both of them, opening your arms for a hug. Yoongi’s hug is brief, you see the man at least once or twice a week, but you pinch his waist for ambushing you like this. You gasp softly when Taehyung wraps his arms around you. You’d apparently forgotten how his body just fits into yours. Even after all this time.

It truly hasn’t been that long, but it feels like it.

“Hi,” Taehyung breathes into your hair. You should pull away, you really should. You can’t even meet Yoongi’s eyes, too bewitched by the hold that Taehyung somehow still has on you. 

You feel as though your heart is running a mile a minute, and yet it feels like you’re greeting an old friend after a long time. 

“Taehyung,” You say softly, his name sounding like a ghost of a memory, “It’s been a long time.”

You sit in your booth and Taehyung sits next to Yoongi. It feels like three old friends catching up after a while, not like if two exes are sitting with their mutual best friend trying not to catch glimpses of the other.

You take a sip of your drink with shaky hands. It’s going to be a long night.

At some point during the evening, Yoongi claims that Hoseok has an emergency and that he has to go. You think he planned this (both him and Hobi), because there’s a meddling glint in his eye that you haven’t seen recently.

You panic, scrambling to somehow get Yoongi to stay, so that you’re not alone with Taehyung. You’re afraid of what you might do or say. Or for what you might not do or say.

And yet, talking to him comes like second nature. Maybe it’s because you have years of history between the both of you, even if you haven’t spoken in the last five.

It hurt so much. When he broke up with you, you mourned the loss of your best friend. He had said you could try to be friends, but you couldn’t handle it at the time. And then more time went by… and suddenly, he was barely a thought in your passing mind. Yet, he still lingered, in your mannerisms. Maybe some part of you was still waiting on him. Which wasn’t healthy… But it wasn’t hurting anyone. And besides, you were okay. But you had never really believed in soulmates until Taehyung. Perhaps it was the lack of closure. 

At least that’s what you convinced yourself, because seeing Taehyung like this, laughing and talking to you as if no time has past throws you for a loop.

Mainly because… it’s so easy to fall into conversation with him. It’s so easy to laugh with him and make him laugh. You enjoy learning about everything he’s been up to over the last few years, all of his adventures, the sights he’s seen. How enthusiastic he is, how he finds beauty in everything.

You both had always been such good friends. Maybe that’s what you miss more than anything. Somehow, hours go by and you both are left to be the only ones in the bar-

“Hey what brought you here to begin with?” Taehyung asks, holding the door open for you, “Had a bad day? You still like people watching?”

“Yeah,” You say wistfully, “Something like that.”

He squeezes your shoulder in reassurance. You catch his eyes in the streetlights and feel your heart swell.

Even if it’s been more than five years since you saw Taehyung last, since you felt his fingers thread in between yours… it still feels so familiar. It’s funny, isn’t it? How so much time can go by, how you can be strangers on paper but feel like you’ve known his soul for this entire time.

His smile glows in the moonlight. A light breeze cradles him, carding through his dark strands of hair gently. You can vividly recall a time when it was you- your fingers running through his hair through soft laughs and unkept promises.

You wonder if your heart is still his, after all this time. It’s not as if you’ve had many people to compare your all-consuming five year relationship to in the last few years. Every person you met, you found yourself comparing to your ex-boyfriend. It wasn’t healthy.

And you had known that he had moved on from your own mutual friends. You don’t even know if he’s single right now, but you knew he was in a relationship a year ago… Or maybe two? Maybe you should care a little more, but you’ll blame it on the whiskey for causing you to squeeze his hand a little harder and lean into him.

Taehyung looks exactly the same, he feels exactly the same as he did when you were twenty-two and stupid enough to believe that you would make it. He’s always felt like he fit the messy edges of your soul perfectly, and even now, you feel that familiar warmth of his soul rubbing up against yours.

Even as he’s chatting away, eyes crinkling in genuine happiness, you’re hardly listening. You’re only thinking about how nice he feels next to you. 

Serendipity. It must be serendipity, for him to show up in your life again when you had been teetering on the edge of misery and self-deprecation. Your head is jumbled, brain filled with nothing but sweet memories of him and your heart is aching for something you might never have again.

But all you have is now. So when Taehyung twirls you easily and sways with you under the dimmed light of a street lamp, pulling a surprised laugh out of you, you make your decision.

“Where’s your new big girl apartment?” Taehyung asks, a hint of longing in his tone.

“It’s not new,” You scoff, “But I live, like, five blocks away.”

Taehyung takes your hand in his again, asking you questions about your apartment. How you found it, do you like it, do you have roommates. To which you shrug and tell him that you like being alone. Something shifts in his eyes, something sad. He recalls your thirst for life when you both had been together- always ready to try something new, always wanting to be around people, always dreaming with your head in the sky.

He wonders what changed. You’re so quiet, eyes a little dark, shoulders tense. Maybe that’s what growing up is. Maybe that’s what tumbling out of your early twenties and into your late twenties is.

Or maybe you’ve just changed in general. It’s been a long time, after all. Since you both mutually broke up, since he moved halfway across the globe. 

But still, he catches sparks, flutters of embers in your gaze. He catches the tender, playful excitement that you’ve always held near and dear to your heart- it’s what made you and him such a good team years ago.

Talking to him is so easy, not that you thought it would be difficult to begin with. It’s always been easy with him, easy to laugh with him, easy to love him. 

The front door of your apartment building comes into view. Your hand is still in his. Taehyung hesitates on letting you go, but he does.

“It was nice to see you,” Taehyung murmurs, allowing himself the brush of the back of his hand on your cheekbone, “I mean it.”

“Yeah. I’m glad I ran into you, too. Even if I was stuffing my face with whiskeys,” You grin and lean into his touch, “Even if Yoongi probably played both of us.”

“Don’t know when you became such a whiskey girl.”

“It’s been years, Taehyung. I’m sure I’ve got a few more surprises for you,” You say, smile falling into something more intense, “Wanna come find out what they are?”

“Thought you’d never ask, sweetheart.”

Taehyung’s lips are on yours the minute you close the door to your apartment. His hands are molded to your hips over your clothes and you instantly moan into his mouth loudly, slipping your tongue past his lips eagerly. Drinking him up as if he’s been yours to drink up this entire time.

You fumble with the buttons of his peacoat, nearly ready to yank the buttons off. Patience has never been your strong suit, but you just want to feel him. 

But the minute you pull away for air, you re-center yourself. No matter how enticing his bitten lips are…

“Are you single?” You ask bluntly.

“Why?” Taehyung says with an arch of his stupidly perfect eyebrow, “You falling in love with me again?”

“Shut up, you wish. I thought you had a girlfriend,” You say pointedly, toeing out of your heels and hanging your jackets up in the coat closet.

“You keeping tabs on me? I knew it,” Taehyung says, looking a little too smug about it.

“Shut the fuck up,” You swat his chest, “Yoongi may have mentioned it to me once or twice.”

More like he told you multiple times when you were drunk, wasted and crying over Taehyung because you never truly got over him. In some corner of the deepest part of your heart, you never got over him.

“I’m not dating anyone. Or talking, seeing anyone,” Taehyung shrugs, “That didn’t work out. Nothing’s really worked out, not since…”

“Don’t say it,” You mutter, “Don’t say what I think you’re about to say.”

You need another drink. So you pour yourself another hefty glass of whiskey and pour one out for him, too.

“What am I about to say?”

“That nothing has worked out for you since we dated, because even though the women you date are all wonderful, all you see in them is me,” You exhale, “I might have to kick you out if you say something as predictable as that.”

“And if it’s true?”

“Then I’m definitely kicking you out. Might need another five years to see you again,” You whisper. He moves closer to you, tentatively holding your hips in his. You don’t push him away, only looking up at him with wide eyes.

“I missed you so fucking much,” Taehyung breathes into your hair, wrapping you in a hug, “You have no idea. And you? Are you single?”

“No, you missed the idea of me. Of us,” You mumble, but you’re unable to pull out of his hold, “We were young, we had dreams… And yeah, I’m single.”

“We could’ve made it work-”

“Taehyung, stop it,” You mutter, throat going dry with barely concealed yearning for him, “We both made the choices we made for a reason. You’re here and I’m here for a reason. Don’t wanna talk about what if’s with you anymore. Just kiss me, Taehyung-”

Taehyung doesn’t need to be told twice, cupping your face in his big hands and pressing his soft lips to yours instantly. Time feels like nothing between you both, but it feels like he��s trying to learn this new version of you through your kiss. 

You’re undecided on whether this is a one time thing, but all you know is that you want him. And you want him now. His hands are warm over your thighs as he lifts you up in his arms, your chest plastered to his. His hair has gotten longer, dark strands effortlessly falling into his forehead.

He’s so handsome and you swoon when his lips press against your neck. Taehyung still remembers what you like, what your favorite spots are.

It’s almost as if no time has passed. You both ignore it, ignore the nostalgia creeping into the crevices of your kisses.

“Mmm, my bedroom’s that way,” You mumble hoarsely, pulling away with hooded eyes. 

“You’ll have to give me a proper tour later,” Taehyung says, his voice somehow even deeper.

“Yeah, you’d be so lucky,” You snort and Taehyung shuts you up with another searing kiss. He doesn’t miss the meticulous way you’ve decorated your cozy home, pops of color and decorations that are so very you in every corner. He sees a small photo collage in the corner of your bedroom. 

Once upon a time, a photo of you and him would’ve been the crown jewel.

“Tae,” You mumble, “Stop, focus on me. I want you-”

So he does.

Your legs close around Taehyung’s head, his tongue slipping into your glossy folds for the third time that evening. He can’t get enough of your soft noises, even when you’re telling him it’s too much, you widen your legs for him to slot in between them easily. Taehyung hikes your legs over his shoulder, nearly rutting into the bed at the sight of your quivering bottom lip and the way your tits bounce.

He palms you lewdly, squeezing and pinching.  “You’re so wet,” Taehyung moans into your pussy, “Fuck, baby-”

“Taehyung,” You breathe, voice sounding broken even to your own ears, “I want you, I want your cock…”

“You sure you want this?” Taehyung asks, his voice strained.

“Yeah,” You nod eagerly, “Do you?” 

With a nod, “Do you have condoms?” He rasps, nose nudging your clit.

“Y-yeah,” You moan, “The nightstand, first drawer. Brand new box, never before used-”

“Really?” Taehyung raises an eyebrow, “When was the last time, baby?”

“The last time what,” You whine, tugging on his forearm.

“Last time you had sex,” Taehyung says, pulling the box out from your nightstand. 

“Uhhh… when you broke up with me?” You shrug sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck.

“Shit,” He groans, “Seriously?”

You don’t miss how he palms himself over his pants at your words. He’s always had a hint of possessiveness in him, and you already know that he’s trying to process that the last person, the only person to have ever seen you like this was him.

“Yeah, I didn’t have luck the way you did, I guess,” You say lightly, “Not that I was trying very hard, though.”

“Damn, baby, nobody’s been loving you right, huh?” Taehyung says, pulling out a condom from the box with shaky hands.

“Yeah. Not even you,” You say. Maybe that was mean, but his eyes flash at you in warning.

“Come here,” He says, a soft demand, “Did you miss me?”

You shrug playfully and unbutton his pants for him. He swats your roaming hands away and they land on his belly, your nails scratching lazily. Taehyung has always looked like a vision, but seeing him like this, hovering above you with golden, tanned skin and his jaw locked, looking every bit like the man of your dreams...

He commands, demands respect. Your pussy throbs just from the sight of him shucking off his pants and his boxers in one go, tugging his hard and heavy cock roughly with one hand.

You swear you drool. Your head is empty, only thoughts of him, his big hands, broad shoulders-

“Did you miss me, baby,” Taehyung asks again, voice a little rougher, a little harsher.

“Does it matter,” You challenge him, “You only want my pussy-”

“And you only want my cock-”

“So give it to me then. Since you know me so well,” You sneer. You gasp in surprise when he swats your thigh and then moan his name when he pushes the head of his cock into you without much warning.

“You talk so fucking much,” Taehyung breathes, cupping your cheeks with one hand.

“Shit,” You gasp, “You’re so fucking big-”

You squeeze your eyes shut and Taehyung stills inside of you, giving you time to adjust to him. He peppers sweet kisses over your forehead, a contrast to his previous words. You cannot believe that somehow, Taehyung is back in your bed, his cock buried deep within you. 

The thought makes your eyes water. You’re a little overwhelmed.

“What’s wrong,” Taehyung asks when he sees your wet eyes, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Nothing, you’re just so big,” You mumble, avoiding his eyes. Taehyung looks at you suspiciously but says nothing.

He’s the only one who’s ever had you like this. The thought makes something in his belly flare, the urge to leave bruises on your welcoming hips and pound into your wet pussy growing and growing with each second.

But he doesn’t move, not until you give him the okay. Taehyung’s fingers are tight around your hips, loose around your neck, his lips plastered to any inch of skin he can reach. With the first rock of his hips into you, you wrap your legs around his waist and shudder in his arms.

He nuzzles your neck, chest plastered against yours. Your nails are tightly pressed into his biceps, surely leaving marks for tomorrow morning. Your soft cries of his name sound like sweet rapture, something he’s been searching for for years. Or something that he had and something he let go of.

And then he wonders how he ever spent the last few years not buried in your pussy, when you feel something like home to him.

“You know, I moved back here a few weeks ago,” Taehyung says, turning on his side to face you, hands gentle over your chest.

“Oh, I know. Yoongi and Hobi wouldn’t shut up about it. They really missed you,” You reply, not meeting his eyes.

“And you? Did you?” Taehyung asks again. You hesitate.

“Does it matter, Taehyung?” You mumble, brushing his hair away from his eyes, “Does it change anything?”

“It could. If you wanted it to,” He murmurs, pulling you into his chest. His fingers are light over your spine, but you scoff.

“Don’t say shit like that,” You sigh, pressing your hand to his face. 

He only laughs with his big, bright smile and pulls you in closer, kissing your forehead. “I can leave you know. If you want me to. If this is... weird.”

“I think we’re way past weird, Taehyung. If I wanted you to leave, I would’ve kicked you out by now,” You say easily and ignore the way his smile sends unfamiliar butterflies through your belly, “Go to sleep. I’ll decide if I wanna kick you out in the morning.”

[opalescient]

haikyuu fic recs — the most beautiful, lovely, breathtaking masterlist (vol. I)

so i’ve been binging fics to cure my sadness, and i thought that these select masterpieces were too magnificent to not be plastered on every billboard ever. some tore my soul into shreds, while others melted said shreds back whole, but all of them made me feel some form of sheer, unadulterated love, so. please enjoy! 🥰⛅️✨

note: all of these fics are exquisite and you should read all of them, but if you’re short of time, those with ☆ are my all-time favourites!

daisuga

butterfly in the subway by bigspoonnoya ☆ | T

Sugawara Koushi has no idea he's already in love with the man he's supposed to hate.

i lovelovelove how all the concepts tied in together like a perfectly wrapped gift

also very wholesome, made me feel so inexplicably warm. like, love can exist everywhere!!! despite everything!!! that’s just so inspiring

i revisited this many times, i think it was (one of) my first haikyuu fics and honestly. it set the bar so high and i have no regrets

you’d fit my lonely arms so perfectly by boxofwonder ☆ | G

“Oh. You're. Not Asahi.”

Calmed down enough that he can speak again, Daichi takes a deep breath, his smile settling on his face easily and wide.

“Not as far as I know, no.”

-

Suga accidentally calls a stranger instead of his best friend, tells him all about his burned batch of cookies before realising, and that particular mistake might turn out the best one he ever made.

major, major fluff

the buildup!!!

god this made my yearning for love so much worse

the perfect stranger by downmoon | T

There’s a man standing outside Suga's door.

Scratch that. Start over.

There’s a man he doesn’t know standing outside his door, holding his sleeping nephew in one arm, with another kid clinging tightly to his free hand.

so domestic please read the entire series from start to finish it has my whole heart

shoyou and tobio as their actual kids 🥺

these two parents are so in love it makes me wanna cry

asanoya

silica sand by lilien passe ☆ | G

Overworked, over-stressed programmer Azumane Asahi works on the top floor of a Shinjuku skyscraper. Nervous around his coworkers and terrified of the long drop on the other side of the window, Asahi falls into a miserable routine, only to have it broken one day by a simple message on the outside of the glass.

PLEASE. so well-written it makes my heart glow and ache simultaneously

made me ascend into asanoya heaven

such a brilliantly unique concept i love it A+

qué syrah syrah by loudlucy | M

Asahi wants to be a Master Sommelier. It's the highest honor in wine service, and the certification would allow him to live the life he's always envisioned for himself. Too bad the certification test is notorious for being the world's most difficult.

Most people fail their first time taking the exam, and Asahi is no exception, but he has more difficulty than most dusting himself off and getting back on his feet. Enter Nishinoya, a young man who shares his same dream, and who believes in their goals so fiercely it forces Asahi to embark on a delicious and sensuous journey of viticulture and validation.

AKA The Wine Tasting AU that literally no one even knew to ask for.

NOTE: You Do Not Need to Know About Wine to Understand This Fic!

another super unique concept!!! (´∀｀=)

my god their chemistry is amazing

the writing made me feel things ngl

stop my bones from wondering by cerasi ☆ | T

After graduation, Asahi hides from the world and needs help from a few sources to find his way back.

i want to write sonnets and sing ballads for this fic, it’s that beautiful

as always, Top Notch Writing *chef’s kiss*

no but i seriously... can i kiss the author? asking for a friend 😳👉🏼👈🏼

iwaoi

star-crossed by starlitcities | T

“I never thought I’d see the day that I’d envy a human,” Oikawa admits, showering himself in tiny suns, because he can actually feels those, like a fusillade of warm kisses on luminous skin that leave marks. To humans, they’d be freckles. Skin stars, Oikawa calls them. He didn’t make that up, a human did.

“Who created the rule that we can’t touch, I wonder,” Iwaizumi ponders, floating heedlessly through space.

“Maybe it’s because we can fly. Humans dream of flying, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

gsjsgsjshsjshsjsj star!iwaoi

they’re LITERALLY STARS

beautifulbeautifulbeautiful i love how the author conveyed the beauty of touch and humanity 🥺🥺

please bless yourself further with the sequel sun-kissed

conquering the great king by suggestivescribe ☆| E

Iwaizumi blinked his gaze over to Oikawa, "Last time was supposed to be a one time thing," he said, voice low, lacking some conviction.

Oikawa's lips twitched into a smirk and he brought them hovering just over Iwaizumi's, "One time thing, Two time thing, what's it matter as long as it's not a Relationship thing?"

yes.

in fact, this entire series (breaking the rules) features daisuga, kuroken, asanoya and it’s SO GOOD. every single one.

but anyway, character development!!!!! plot!!!!!!!!! writing!!!!!!!! i’m here for it all

tsukkiyama

campfire in your chest by deanpendragon ☆ | M

Kei realizes in their second year of high school that he’s probably been in love with Yamaguchi since they were ten. However hopeless he might be in handling that situation, Kei prays he’s at least not as hopeless as Hinata and Kageyama. But he just might be.

SO BEAUTIFUL

i am also a sucker for anything with stars, moons and all the love in between

no words to describe this work of art please just go read it and be blessed

under the lilac tree by raewrites | G

there’s a lilac tree in Kei’s backyard.

gorgeous in its simplicity

softtsukkisofttsukkisofttsukki

not as grandiose as the rest but the love written into every word, action and character is absolutely show-stopping

kagehina

saffron and cayenne pepper by dontsaycrazy ☆ | T

Cooking is hard. Even if you have your very attractive, very grumpy neighbor there to help you.

-

In which Hinata's lack of cooking skills are a danger to him and others. Luckily (or not), Kageyama is willing to teach him, if only for the sake of avoiding any burned down apartments.

the essence of their characters were captured so well and yet it’s like they’re completely new characters too? author, whoever you are, you totally owned this

this made me ship kagehina so hard

fluff! cuteness! lots and lots of cooing!

kuroken

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) by cosmogony ☆ | T

soulmate

/ˈsəʊlmeɪt/ • noun

A person who was made from the same star as you.

-

// Kuroken AU where the last words your soulmate will say to you appear on your skin when you turn 16, and how Kenma and Kuroo learn what this means over the course of their lives.

ahhh here it is. beautiful, heartbreaking, soul-emptying agony. you want angst? choke on this, and your tears later on.

no but seriously please read this if you haven’t you won’t regret it at all i promise

written from kenma’s perspective so you experience every depth and multitude of emotion he does and it’s so raw and- brb imma go cry for a sec

knot in my heart by hearthope | T

There’s a picture. Kenma blinks, looking at the little calico cat, being held up next to the face of a guy with stupidly messy hair and a crooked grin.

Cute.

The— the cat. The cat is cute.

Just the cat.

-

Kuroo starts spending a lot of time at the flower shop Kenma works at. Kenma definitely isn't into him.

okay so i like it when authors unravel a normally stoic character’s full scope of emotion and give them depth, sue me.

anyway, back on the fluff train!

i absolutely f*ck with flower symbolisms, cats and bitchy best friends who have dirt on each other. the layers of romance, friendship and everything in between is so prettily developed 10/10

bokuaka

the jacket you never returned by daisuga ☆☆ | G

He leaned over, kissed Bokuto on the cheek, and smiled bitterly, eyes watery.

He will never remember. Not now, not ever.

What they were will now forever be forgotten.

-

"You used to call me Keiji, Koutarou."

YOU USED TO CALL ME KEIJI, KOUTAROU!!!!!!!!!!

i beg you to listen to Spiegel im Spiegel when it’s first mentioned in the story please

i read this and screamed through my tears for a solid 1.5 hours. i rarely cry.

no f*ckin regrets though i read this thrice already and it hurts so good every time

rules by conesofdunshire ☆☆ | E

In which Akaashi Keiji is an overworked accountant who stumbles upon Bokuto one night playing the piano in the lobby of his work. Bokuto is different, that much is obvious. But with such supreme musical talent and a smile so dazzling it rivals the sun, there's just something about him that brings Akaashi back every night.

this fic. this fic has my whole, broken, sobbing heart and laughing soul

gorgeous. breathtaking. magnificent.

bokuto is so WARM and akaashi is so STRONG and they both find the solace they need in each other and it’s all i want for me 😭😭😭

in another life by littleluxray | T

Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.

The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.

this is a famous fic that i doubt any seasoned haikyuu reader wouldn’t know, and RIGHTLY SO BECAUSE, the PAIN. the pain. the pain.

i could feel my lungs shrivel up and my chest cave in on itself. fatigue and rest are things i struggle with too so this whole story resonated with me from start to finish, and it broke me. in like, the best, most revitalising way

i would read this again but it still haunts me at night. i need to heal from the first time before i have the guts to try one more time HAHAHA 😆💔😭

tea-stained polaroids by dalyeau | G

“I'm gonna date that,” Bokuto declares solemnly, and Kuroo throws a plastic spoon at his head.

mmmmmmm pretty photographer + personalised coffee cups + cute baristas = diabetic fluff fic

i smiled so much throughout this you have no idea. cheeks achey but so good

i may have squealed a little at the ending

kurotsukki

moonfall by batman | T

There is no unlearning Tetsurou, after all. There is only leaving him.

-

(Five things of Tetsurou's that ended up in Kei's home, and one that never left.)

the writing!!!!!! is pure beauty!!!! sheer grace!!!!!!! the construction of the AU and the romanticism and hsjsgsjshsj

didn’t cry but. heart ache and bittersweet smiles are another level of misery that is just as fulfilling

yea just pleasepleasepleaseplease go read it thank you and have a good day

hidden gem by realmSpinner | E

Things get complicated when everything you thought you knew about a guy changes, and they get even more complicated when you actually start liking those changes.

That guy working with you AND becoming your neighbor? That's just a cherry on top of the cake of confusion.

this AU was refreshingly different, and amazingly so

top!tsukki??? sign me the f*ck up

the whole plot, man. perfection.

pings by barfs ☆☆ | T

[5/02/16, 3:50:17 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Please wake up.

[5/02/16, 3:50:23 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I hate begging. You know I hate it.

[5/02/16, 3:50:34 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I bet you’re snickering at that, wherever you are.

[5/02/16, 3:50:53 AM] Tsukishima Kei: But, it keeps hurting and I don’t know why and it feels like shit and I know you could tell me why, but you’re not here and I would really appreciate it if you’d just wake up.

[5/02/16, 3:51:02 AM] Tsukishima Kei: You’re laughing at that too, aren’t you.

[5/02/16, 3:51:10 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Dying is probably up there in the list of top ten shitty things you’ve ever done, and you’ve done a lot of shitty things.

god.

you already know what’s coming, and yet. when it comes.

how the f*ck did the author make grief beautiful????????? (at the expense of me dying along with kei and everyone else i guess)

this fic will ruin you and bury you under all your pain (i hope you’re ready)

but also put you back together with the “sequel”

kyouhaba

close to the chest by darkmagicalgirl | T

It takes Yahaba thirteen years to realize he's different from the other kids, one to figure out how to hide it, and two more to learn to be happy just the way he is. Yahaba's journey ft. an extremely annoyed Kyoutani, best friend in the world Watari, and loads and loads of good senpai Oikawa.

cause i’m (not) alright with the slow, burn~

no fr, take slow and burn very seriously

overthinking yahaba? i understand. i do.

again, such an amazing fic; 10/10 recommend

safe here by crossbelladonna ☆ | M

“Raids are routine work,” Kyoutani tells to Yahaba before he can air the question. “Sometimes there is no sleep done until we accomplish something, say kill a certain ghoul. I guess they’re still going through the possibility that people in the accident are still alive huh?”

Yahaba quirks a smile, pushing his mask up his head.

“You’re alive.”

Kyoutani looks at him intently and all of the things that they’ve gone through for the past month seems to flash in his mind.

“Yes I am.”

i haven’t watched tokyo ghoul but i understood everything perfectly. such is the power of f*cking kickass writing

*cue ugly crying and a lot of unresolved angst*

like the grief??????? ruin me please thank you 🙏 (i think i’m a little masochistic)

rare pairs

mannequin men by surveycorpsjean ☆ | M

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tuskishima]

The modelling world is full of hungry wolves, constantly clambering over the other, snarling and desperate. They fight, and they kill, trampling over anything in their path.

In this case, Akaashi fell in love with the wolves.

i did not expect this to be good, and it wasn’t. it was SPLENDID.

akaashi is so enamoured with them from the get go i love it

a tiny bit of angst that stabbed me in the heart, but the happy ending soothed it (thankfully, because if there wasn’t one i will sue)

characterisation, writing, plot development; everything is great. can you tell i’m running out of synonyms for ��beautiful’

feel like gold by heronfem ☆☆ | T

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/kenma]

In which Kenma is unapologetic and comfortable with who he is, Akaashi learns a lot about himself in a short period of time, Kuroo is wildly in love and an eternal survivor, and Bokuto remembers that love doesn't cure mental illness, but having a support system sure helps a lot.

Or, the one where 4 young men get together, and are helplessly, hopelessly, utterly in love despite everything.

e.e. cummings?? poetry??? f*ck yes

so beautiful. i’m so star-struck by this fic it’s simply stunning

there are no words to fully capture how worth your time and heart and mind reading this fic is so please. do yourself a favour, and fall in love with this fic with me

the sky and guilt are the only feelings i have left by oopsthisisqueertoo ☆☆ | not rated

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo]

Akaashi is at his wits end. He feels nothing. He's quickly crumbling as a human being. He wants nothing but sweet release of death. In his fourth year of college he drafts a plan for his suicide. He is to graduate, publish writing for others to be inspired by, and slip quietly away. Shortly after, he meets a dog walker named Bokuto who asks him out and Akaashi reluctantly agrees. Nothing matters anymore and he treats Bokuto like an obligation. Until he's not anymore.

TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPTS & DEPRESSION

this was... this gutted me entirely and filled my body with too many shades of agony

arguably one of the best haikyuu fics i’ve ever read

so beautiful in the most painful way fathomable; strongly recommend

april to may by surveycorpsjean | T

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tsukishima]

They're an odd family.

The four of them? Parents?

But still, they're a family.

So they'll support each other until the end.

aaahhhhh third gym as parents 🥺

so much fluff. i also love april and may

they’re still so in love there’s love in every millimetre of this fic :”)

that’s it for now! i’ll add more if i come across anymore good fics. i hope you enjoyed this list! if you have any requests/fic recs, or if u just wanna chat, feel free to just ask! hehe 🥰 k aight bye~

[captainstarkky]

Doom at Your Service - An Appreciation Post

Before starting this lengthy post about how I love this drama, I would just like to commend the writer - Im Meari. She has done a wonderful job with this series. I am sad that Episode 10, which was supposed to be the most meaningful episode - had the lowest ratings in Korean media.  But still the whole drama as a while was a masterpiece. What can I say? It is philosophical and poetic at the same time. It entails too many meanings and it has born too many questions.

For me, the whole series is the journey to acceptance.

And Myeol Mang represents that.

When we are faced with an imminent death or destruction, our first reaction is to get angry, frustrated. That’s a normal emotional response to a bad news for humans. If you are in the right head, you will obviously cry or either space out, unable to talk for a few minutes. That is how we get frustrated, that is how we get angry.

And remember what Myul Mang said?

“No one could love me. Everyone either resent me or wants me. Or some fear me.”

It roughly translates to layterm as: ‘...everyone resents me’ (no one wants to die) “...wants me” (some wants to die)... “or some fear me.” (everyone is afraid to die)

That’s quite familiar, right? Hmmm? Now proceed.

Now there is actually a theory that talks about grief. It is a psychological construct that has been proposed to explain why people react the way they react when posed with an information they can’t accept. It is a theory of Elizabeth Ross. She called it the 5 Stages of Grief.

According to her, whenever people experience a life changing event - either death, divorce, end of relationship - a person experiences grief and to get out of that, one needs to pass through stages. It is personal and does not entail timelines and schedule - which is harder for someone who has a terminal illness.

Now, some of you might ask: Why and how did you correlate both?

Simple. Because Myeol Mang is destruction. And Tak Dongkyung is dying - she has three months to live, to be specific, she has 50 days to live as of the 10th episode. Therefore, we can say that Tak Dongkyung is currently in this five stages that I’m talking about. 

The story is all about Tak Dongkyung accepting his faith: which is her inevitable death.

By the way, a bit of a trivia, Doom at Your Service wasn’t the only drama who discussed this theory. If you are familiar with Last Romance, the story centers with the theory as well. 

There are five stages of grief as per the theory.

Denial

Denial is the stage where a person still cannot accept the fact that he/she is dying. She may be redirecting her attention elsewhere or she’s just ignoring the fact that she is.

Actually before episode 10, Tak DongKyung is still in the spectrum of denial. She doesn’t accept the fact that she’s dying. Not talking about it is the indication. She prepares to die - writes a bucketlist, clear out whatever is holding her in the world, assures her brother, etc. - but in reality, she doesn’t want to die. She is still in the process of denying the fact that she is dying.

She is basically pushing the idea of Myung Mang to the back of her mind.

That’s why, Myul Mang wants her to speak it out. He wants her to accept it with all her heart; because that’s the only way she could fully love him.

That is also the reason why the Deity told her to LOVE HIM ‘because I created them for you, humans.’

You’re not supposed to hate death and destruction. Because in the end of everything, we are doomed to end anyway. So we got to accept it. We got to love it.

Denial is probably the hardest stage to get over to because you know that there is still a lot you can do before you finally accept it out. That’s probably the reason why she stayed there for the longest time.

Anger

Anger is when you finally considers the idea of dying - but rejects it out. No one wants to die. And if we are faced with the fact, it is only natural to get angry. But to whom?

Tak Dongkyung hated Myul Mang. And she actually makes her point on this fact during the early episodes. 

She blames him for everything - for a moment.

She might’ve been thinking: why me? And honestly I don’t blame her. Out of all the 7 billion people, you are chosen to have a hundred days to live. If I was her, I would get angry too.

But a little food for the mind: Tak Dongkyung isn’t really angry at Myul Mang. She just want to blame someone for her misfortunes, for her cancer. I mean, she is still young and has a full life to live, she still has to take care of her brother and marry him off a good woman, then all of a sudden, she got cancer. All those plans ruined just because of a few words. And a cocky guy shows up outside her apartment announcing that he’s doom - etce tera, etce tera. Again, If I was her, I would be angry at Myul Mang myself.

Because anger helps us cope.

Although she’s pass that stage now, she certainly have his fair points when it comes to getting angry at our Doom.

Bargaining

Bargaining is a temporary truce. We want our life back so we tend to do everything to get it back. Even if we have to bargain with a demon or something. Some people goes back to their faith, some people risk all their possessions to their doctors. Bottomline, we want to have a chance. A fighting chance.

The second Tak Dongkyung entered the contract with Myul Mang, she already started bargaining.

She started thinking what could be her wish. Even if she never materialized them, she thought of them. So since we are talking about wishes, here are her possible wishes:

People would forget about her when she die.

Wanting to live

Happy Ending

For Myul Mang not to get hurt when she’s gone.

End of the world.

But isn’t the wish supposed to be directed to self?

No not necessarily. If you’re in the early stages of bargaining, it might be the case. But as you move to the later stages, your perspective changes and your wishes will center more on your loved ones. You will want them not to get sad when you pass; or good health for them; good fortune. And that will eventually lead you to the fourth stage - which is depression. Because you know that your wishes for them could never come true.

Depression

This is the interesting part.

What is depression? It is the feeling of immense hopelessness especially in her case that she is dying. The fact that your short life will not leave a mark and the fact that you won’t be able t see your loved ones again - that sadness - but to the greater length. To the point of you not being able to function properly in the society.

Where did the depression start? It did not even show in the whole series.

Oh no, it did.

This is the reason why this drama is for those people who can understand social cues - therefore, intelligent people. If you haven’t seen it then it’s a good time to rerun the drama on your laptops.

Tak Dongkyung has always been depressed. She wouldn’t wish the end of the world if she is not.

From the death of her parents, from the constant thoughts of being a burden to her aunt, from her missed interviews, from his brother stopping college, from her sexist boss, from her cheating ex, from her cancer. Everything is just depressing. 

But why can’t we see it?

Depression is a psychological issue. She might present herself as a happy person but there’s no guarantee that she feels the same inside.

That makes sense.

And do you know what’s the peak of her depression? The moment she knew about her sickness. 

The same day she met our handsome Myul Mang.

Acceptance

Acceptance is not necessarily a happy or uplifting stage, for it only means that you are finally in the stage where you have finally made terms with your fate. It is the stage where you’re staring to realize that ‘ah, it’s really here.’

And that, my friends, is the goal of the drama.

Tak Dongkyung who’s always scared, sad, and hated her life must accept it. She must be able to accept her fate and herself. She needs to accept Myul Mang. Her death.

And to be honest, she is making a whole lot of improvement compared to when she was on the previous episodes. She was truthfully falling for Myul Mang and it means that she’s slowly accepting her death.

We can hear her say:

“I’m not scared anymore...”

On the teaser after Episode 10. It can only mean one thing, she is a step closer to acceptance.

Tak Dongkyung’s journey to self-acceptance still is not ending. She still have a few more days.

Technically, she’ll die. But I hope she will not and she will end up with Myul Mang in the end.

With that I would like to make a point: This drama is for philosophical people.

If you cannot understand what is happening, then it’s obvious that you will not be watching it. If you want skinship and lots of cute scenes, then you can watch this - Seo In-guk and Park Bo-young serves us just enough - but you still won’t get it.

You’ll think that it’s going nowhere and eventually drop the drama because all you want is fluff and love story.

I hope it’s not like that.

Just like everyone who shares their thought and theories, breakdowns in here, let us try to read between the lines on what it really wants to tell us.

You will enjoy it, I promise.

[sunarintoes]

Synopsis: Yn Ln is an environmentalist - Miyagi University’s very own campus ‘Green Thumb.’ One day Hinata Shōyō - who happens to be a close friend of Yn, invites them to come to one of his races. The only problem is that this race of his is… illegal. Follow the journey of Yn who has been sucked into the world of illegal street racing with one goal: to create an eco friendly race car!

WC: 1.1K

Pairings: Oikawa x reader, Iwaizumi x reader, Kiyoko x reader (not poly)

masterlist

My Dear Friend

‘Oi Shittykawa! Stop spacing out, we’re about to go in an important race.’ Oikawa stays still and refuses to acknowledge Iwaizumi’s presence. Iwaizumi sighs, ‘dont race. Your head hasn’t been in it the past month, it's too risky to race in the streets when you don't have a clear mind.’

‘Im fine-’

‘No youre not! You haven't improved one bit over the last month, you're more cunning than usual and to top it off you've been sleeping with every girl and guy that’s thrown themselves at you. You're going to get an STD if you're not careful.’

‘I don't need you looking out for me like I'm some trouble prone child.’

Iwaizumi clenches his fists. ‘I'm your best friend you piece of shit! That's exactly what I'm supposed to do!’ he shouts, headbutting Oikawa. ‘Don't you understand- what's wrong! We promised each other not to keep secrets!’

‘I'm not keeping secrets per se.’

‘But you're hiding something.’

Oikawa and Iwaizumi stop and stare at each other, ‘it has something to do with Yn doesn't it?’

‘No!’ He begins but is interrupted by a coughing fit, ‘sorry, choked on some spit.’

Iwaizumi sighs and sits down next to Oikawa, ‘a month ago I spent the day with Yn before they rushed off somewhere in a panic. You didn't come back to the apartment until one in the morning or so and you were piss drunk. You had two girls with you as well. Since then Yn hasn’t spent much time with me - not that they really did beforehand but at least before they did not avoid me. Doesn't help that they’re back with her ex.’

Oikawa’s eyes widened at this, ‘back with their ex?’

‘Yeah. It hurts man.’

‘Oh… I'm sorry.’ 

‘Don't be, not your fault. I guess the timing just wasn't right.’

‘You're going to give up just like that?’

‘I guess.’

‘That lame.’

‘You’re lame.’

‘Not as lame as you, coward.’

Iwaizumi tackles Oikawa to the ground, ‘what am I supposed to do? Ruin her relationship?’

‘Yes! Well no, but don't give up. She seemed pretty hesitant to get back with her ex- I’m sorry Iwa, this is my fault.’

Iwaizumi pauses and sits back up, realising that Oikawa is being serious for once in his life. ‘How do you know that, what makes you sorry?’

Oikawa takes a deep breath in and out. ‘Yn and I are- were strangers before I cut it off and we discussed things between us while still remaining somewhat emotionally distant-’ he pauses, ‘to put it simply, they caught me in the middle of a breakdown and they consoled me and took me out for a drink. Non alcoholic of course. That night we made a deal to become strangers with benefits - we confide in each other and spend time with each other without being friends or falling in love and all that,’ not that that really worked Oikawa muses in his head.

‘So you and Yn are friends?’

‘No, we never were and never will be. We were strangers. Hence the use of past tense Iwa-pooh.’

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, ‘so you were strangers that acted like friends. What happened?’

Oikawa looks down and hugs his knees closer, ‘it's my fault, she came late to our meet up and I got angry, I… I had so many feelings bottled up and I took my anger out on her and it's too late to repair it and I’m a horrible person Iwa. Oh my god, I really am a bad person. What am I doing here? I- I need to leave, I’m toxic to this environment, I’m toxic to you Iwa-’

‘Stop it. Oikawa you're human! Humans make mistakes. You just made a mistake but you can fix it if you explain and apologise. I know how much you're suffering and I've never understood why you can't just tell me about your problems,’ he shifts to a softer tone, ‘but at least you're learning now, well done bud.’ He pats Oikawa on the back. ‘I’m proud of you, you’re finally telling me what's on your mind - like what best friends do.’

There are so many questions Iwaizumi has for him but he knows Oikawa is too fragile at the moment and he doesn't want to scare him off so he stays silent, offering support through the soothing motion of his hand rubbing in circles along Oikawa’s back.

When Oikawa calms down, Iwaizumi still continues to rub his back. ‘I'm not crying anymore, you don't have to do this,’ but one look at Iwaizumi tells Oikawa he is no longer doing this to comfort him, but to comfort himself. 

Iwaizumi has tears gathered at the corner of his eyes and appears to be doing everything to keep them contained.

‘Iwa-pooh,’ Oikawa sighs as he brings his own arm up to repeat the rubbing motion on his friend’s back. ‘You know it's not good to bottle up your emotions. It's your turn to be vulnerable now. Come on, let it out… there, there, it will all be better soon.’

‘I'm just... worried for you and heartbroken I guess.’

‘My my, what a lovely friend you are. No point worrying about me, I'm an adult. I can handle things myself.’

‘No you can't, you're immature.’

‘Lalalalala~ I can't hear you!’

‘This is exactly what I mean!’

‘Listen up Iwa-pooh, let's get your date back.’

‘I've already told you they’re back with her ex, idiot.’

‘Oh yeah I heard but I don't care. Let's break them up-’

‘No! Oikawa you shitty bastard we’re not doing that.’

‘Tch, why not?’

Iwaizumi sighs, ‘because we're not bad people. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be.’

‘Fine, I guess I'll just get her back as my friend then.’

‘So you admit it? You are friends-’

‘No! No! No! A hundred times no! That was a mistake I didn't mean to say. Besides looking at the time, the race is going to start in ten or so. See ya!’

[jocia92]

In a Zoom interview, Stevens explains he knew how to speak German having studied it in school and having visited Germany several times in his youth. Eggert also spoke about the film via Zoom from Berlin, where she is rehearsing for a play that ironically is about Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.

Angela Dawson: Dan, were you fluent in German before signing onto I’m Your Man?

Dan Stevens: I’m always nervous about the word “fluent” because I feel like if I say that somebody’s going to throw me into a situation where I’m totally out of my depth. I would say that my German is good. I’ve always loved the language. I’ve spoken it since I was about 13, maybe even earlier because my parents had friends who lived in Germany. We used to vacation there quite a lot when I was a child, and then I studied it at school. I did a movie (Hilde) there about 13 years ago playing an Englishman who spoke German. So, I had been in a German movie previously, but nothing like this. This was a totally different thing.

The level of German that is required for Tom, even for a German, is pretty strange and unusual. So, I definitely polished it up to get out there and tackle this role but I (had the language skills) to begin with.

Dawson: Maren, how was Dan’s German?

Maren Eggert: He really worked on it a lot. He did well because he has a talent for languages. He really wanted to do it so he threw himself into it. I’d tell him I wanted to speak to him in English so I could practice it, but he wanted to speak German so he could practice it. So, he really worked on that. I think it was great for the part because he’s just so charming and friendly. As an actor, he has the ability to go straight into a character. He doesn’t make mistakes with his performance.

Stevens: Sometimes she would speak to me in English and I would answer in German, which is a great exercise. I had the whole cast and crew speak to me in German the whole time. Occasionally, we’d have certain conversations in English but most everything was in German. It was great because it kept me in the zone of thinking in German.

Dawson: Dan, you play a robot so there’s something not-quite-human in how you act as Tom.

Stevens: Ultimately, he has to be lovable but also a little strange. I think that was one of the motivations for Maria (Schrader, the director) looking to cast outside of Germany for a foreign actor who could speak German. However good your German is, it’s rare to find an outsider who can sound totally German. The idea that Alma’s ideal robot would speak German, for practical purposes, but maybe have a bit of an accent—a little bit exotic, but not too exotic is what he defines it as—so they settle on British for her. She’s confused by this but the algorithm—the program—has created this for her. It’s one of the many things that throws her about this whole experiment.

I wanted to create something that was uncanny but not in a too weird a way. It’s strange but also intriguing and ultimately kind of lovable.

Dawson: The scene in which Tom is in a field with a herd of deer surrounding him unafraid has a lot of symbolism in it. Alma sees him as this man she’s falling in love with yet she also realizes that the reason the deer are unafraid is because he’s not human. What’s your interpretation of that scene?

Stevens: That whole sequence with the deer and with Alma and Tom lying in the grass and talking about memories, that was a big step on in terms of the evolution of Tom’s humanity, I suppose. Most of the time, we’re in Alma’s apartment or in the museum. As he says, (being out in the field), “is a nature experience.” Getting them out of the city and out of those conventional settings and putting them in this bucolic setting of a German forest and having these lovers wandering through it, it has that classical feel to it. Whether directly or indirectly, it gets through to the viewer that we’re in this beautiful setting, isn’t it romantic? It tees up what’s to come. It’s a beautiful sequence. It’s also the first time I’ve spoken Korean.

Dawson: Maren, what’s your interpretation of that scene?

Eggert: For Alma, it really helps her put Tom in the right space. At this point of the film, she’s already falling in love with him but there’s this moment where she can watch him from a distance.

Dawson: The release of I’m Your Man couldn’t be timelier because so many people have been locked away unable to pursue romantic relationships for over a year now. People are lonely; they miss human contact.

Stevens: I don’t know about the loneliness so much but it definitely spoke to me when I read this in the Spring of 2020. It was the peak of the pandemic. It was definitely a time of deep reflection both inward and outward—that sense of “how did we get here?” It was a collective thing about looking at humanity which is sort of what Tom does all the way through the movie. He’s looking at Alma but also trying to learn about her environment—this world that she’s in—as quickly as he can. He’s trying to get that information. The most affecting scenes I found in an odd way was the sequence where Tom is watching a young couple watching epic fail videos at the coffee shop. It’s not something I habitually watch but my kids love them. Maria forces us to sit with them quite a bit. It’s not just one or two fails, it’s a whole bunch of them. It goes on almost too long and stops being funny and starts being a little sad. You get contemplative about humanity in that scene and start feeling sorry for Tom that he has to absorb all this. It’s like, “What are we doing?”

So, a lot of that sentiment I was really feeling last spring and summer. I feel that a lot of that went into the film. I guess it’s still resonating with people. The technological question of coping with loneliness—I hadn’t thought of that as a consequence—but I suppose you’re right.

Dawson: In films and other stories about robots, people always seem to be mistrustful, yet robots are increasingly part of our lives. Why do you suppose our first instinct as humans is to be wary of robots?

Eggert: I don’t know. Maybe because we can’t control it. We can’t see inside. It’s like a stranger and we always react (with caution) to strangers. Personally, I can totally understand Alma’s reaction because I would react the same: I’d want to control the robot. Throughout the story, she has to learn to know this robot. That’s the fascination she has with it.

Dawson: Do you think having Maria Schrader direct this, an actress herself, helped tell the story from a woman’s point-of-view?

Eggert: Yes, of course. She really encouraged me a lot. We have a lot in common in terms of how we look at filmmaking and how scenes work and with the character, she really pushed me to go a little further. She encouraged me and I think that really was between us women.

Dawson: What are each of you working on now?

Stevens: I’m shooting Gaslit, a miniseries about Watergate in which I play John Dean. People I’ve spoken with remember watching (the Congressional hearings) and seeing it as one of the first political soap operas. It was very much an analog political soap opera scandal. So, that’s been a lot of fun. We’re in the final weeks of that.

Eggert: I’m working in theater; I do a lot of theater here in Berlin. It’s a project on Frankenstein and Mary Shelley. That too is also about artificial intelligence and connects to I’m Your Man. It’s really fun to think about what scares me and what is this monster. It opens in two weeks. Afterwards, I’m doing another movie where I’m playing a conductor, so I’m training to do that. I wanted to be a conductor as a child, so I’m looking forward to playing one.

[leiasfanaccount648]

I’m So Sorry

Keigo Takami [Hawks] x Fem!Reader

Request from Anon: Hello i am new to your account, and i think it's great. Im a hawks simp so you might get more requests of him if thats okay lol. Uhm can my first request be a hawks x fem reader angst, if you write that and uh can it be an imagine where he gets mad at her and ends up hurting her, angst with happy ending? .i hope that is okay but its up to u. Thank youuu!!

A/N: Thank you again so much for your request! I hope you don’t mind, but I did change this up a little bit. I hope you enjoy!

Warnings/Contains: Angst, this takes place during/after the last two episodes of season 4 so slight manga spoilers? (I haven’t read much so this is mostly just hypothetical speculation from what I have read), cursing, argument, reader being shoved by Keigo.

Word Count: 2031

He knew it was risky, but then again, what else was he supposed to do? He had no other option. He had to be careful on how he went about this, as anyone could be watching or listening. Hell, for all he knew someone already knew of what he was planning to do or already done and was waiting for the perfect moment to chance to blackmail him.

However, he couldn’t think of that right now. He had to focus on what his plans were. If one thing went wrong or was out of place, it could sabotage everything.

“Keigo?”

The winged man flinched slightly as he heard his name being called out so suddenly. He had been so lost in thought that he had stopped eating the dinner that his girlfriend prepared for him. Keigo looked up at her, blinking to get rid of any possible look he had in his eyes that could worry her.

“Hm? What is it, baby?”

“Are you okay? You kinda spaced out there.”

(Y/N) let out a chuckle, finding it a little funny how her boyfriend would sometimes focus on the smallest things. She didn’t find it out of the ordinary, but she did find it odd that something other than herself managed to tear Keigo away from the precious chicken parmesan you made him. As he replied to her, part of her began to take notice how out of place he seemed to be every now and then over the last few weeks; this was just the first time she had taken the time to ask him about it.

“Oh,” Keigo laughed along with her, nodding his head. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just thinking about work is all.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” (Y/N) took a bite from the food on her plate, her tone being very easy going as it was obvious to her boyfriend that he didn’t have to tell her, but she was still there to listen if he needed her. At the same time, she wanted to know in case something was seriously wrong. He was a pro hero after all, and that job comes with many risks.

“No, it’s alright. A certain case has just been in my mind after hearing about it today.” Keigo took a bite of the chicken, humming in satisfaction at the taste. He swore he would never get tired of his girlfriend’s cooking. “Dinner’s great, by the way. Thank you for making it.” He smiled, knowing that he changed the subject smoothly enough to make both of them move on from the previous topic.

(Y/N) proceeded to thank him, going on to say that she had to run to the store at the last minute to get an ingredient that they didn’t have in the kitchen. Of course, Keigo’s thoughts remained elsewhere while his eyes were trained on the one he loved.

The next morning, Keigo had gotten up a little bit earlier than usual before leaving for work. Granted, he did have to make a stop first before the hero rankings happened later that day.

Keigo had arrived at the warehouse first, looking around the building to make sure no one could possibly see him before walking inside.

“About time you got here.”

Keigo had barely taken 3 steps inside before he heard the voice. Even if he had expected it, he still pulled out one of his longest and sharpest feathers and pointed it in the direction he heard it in. He kept the hard glare on his face as he stared at the man. “You should be more careful about keeping yourself out of sight, Dabi.”

The man chuckled, obviously sarcastic as he shrugged his shoulders while his hands rested in his pockets. “Please, if anyone else stumbled across this place I would have taken care of them without you even knowing.” He smirked slightly, almost making Keigo question whether or not Dabi really had done that before he arrived.

Either way, he rolled his eyes and lowered the feather in his hand. They had work to do soon that could not be treated nicely. “Let’s just finalize the details and get this over and done with, shall we?”

~     ~     ~

Keigo smiled to himself, proud of the fact that he managed to bring Endeavor to his hometown of Fukuoka just like he planned. Now, all that was left to do was seal the deal and wait for everything to go down the next day, or so he had thought.

He and Endeavor were eating lunch to discuss all that was going on when it happened, and part of Keigo was annoyed at himself for thinking that it would happen this way. Nevertheless, he and Endeavor fought the Nomu that Dabi and himself had planned for in hopes that everything would turn out like the plan originally intended to go.

It was a hard fight, one that even he didn’t expect to go the way it did. Of course, he couldn’t focus on that factor for long, as he still had a job to do. Sadly, it fell short as Endeavor had won the battle against the Nomu. Even though he was hoping for the end of Endeavor like Dabi was, he couldn’t help but admire the pro for always trying to get to the number one spot.

Endeavor always kept trying to get there unlike others who simply stood by thinking it was impossible. Keigo strived to be like that too, even if he claimed to want a lower hero ranking. He wanted to be able to create a laidback world so that heroes didn’t have to work so hard all the time, and he would do anything in order to do so. Including killing the man who had inspired him.

While he was upset about the plan not going the way he had hoped, and the fact that Dabi had acted without telling him, Keigo couldn’t help but feel stressed due to the fact that everything he had done in order to pull this off was now a waste. And he had no idea when he would be able to get another chance like this again.

He managed to reason with Dabi so that they could come up with another plan to end the current number one hero later in time, but for now, all he wanted to do was go home and relax in attempt to get rid of the pounding in his head and aches in his body from the fight he had.

The moment Keigo stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind him, (Y/N) made her way to the door to greet him, walking faster than usual. She knew that he was okay, as he had called her shortly before meeting with Dabi to let her know, but worry was still written all over her face.

“Keigo,” (Y/N)’s hands raised to her mouth as she noticed that most of his wings were gone after the fight. Even if they would grow back over the course of a couple days, it was still an unusual sight to see from her boyfriend. “Your wings.” She stepped towards him again, reaching out to hold his cheek so he’d look her in the eye.

Instead, Keigo moved her hand away before she could touch him and took off his coat followed by his shoes. “I’m fine, (Y/N).”

The tone in his voice was one (Y/N) knew all too well: stress. “You’re not, and we both know it.”

Keigo didn’t say a word and simply walked past her to the kitchen. He reached into one cabinet and grabbed a glass, then into another to grab a bottle of gin and seltzer water. (Y/N) followed him, choosing her words carefully. “You don’t have to tell me what’s on your mind, whether you do or not. But please tell me how I can help you.”

“You can be quiet, that’s how you can help.”

(Y/N) eyed him, part of her hurt from his words and part of her annoyed. “Excuse me?” “You may say that you can help, but right now, all I need from you is silence and to leave me alone.” Kiego’s back faced her while he spoke, making the cocktail that he decided on. He turned around and took a big sip; he took in the expression she now wore herself.

“What on earth happened to make you start acting like this?” (Y/N) took a step forward, still hoping that she could figure out what was actually going on. There was definitely a reason as to why he acted so different compared to the way he did after a hard day at work, so what caused it?

“What do you want me to say when I come home from work, (Y/N)? That everything was all fine and dandy? No crime happened throughout the city? The district? The country?” He let out a short yet sarcastic laugh. “Well guess what sweetheart? That just isn’t the case, is it?” He took another swig of his drink before setting it down on the counter.

(Y/N) held back from sounding so harsh, becoming more and more ticked off as her boyfriend dodged question after question thrown at him. “Keigo, please,” she stepped forward, reaching out to him again. “Just answer my question so I can help you.”

Keigo eyed her as she got close, her words starting to get to him. He was a hero, so he should be helping other people, not the other way around. But, with his plans in flames from Dabi, the world he was hoping for was now even further out of his reach.

He stepped away to walk out of the kitchen, mumbling under his breath. “I’m going to get a shower.”

(Y/N) trailed after him, putting a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to stop him as Keigo began to step into the hallway. “No, you’re not.” It was then that Keigo would turn to regret everything.

“I told you to leave me alone!”

In less than a second, Keigo turned around to move (Y/N)’s hand off of him, but in the process of doing so, he accidentally put too much strength into his movements and slammed (Y/N) into the cabinets next to her with just his arm.

(Y/N) lost her breath as well as her footing from hitting the wood so hard and fell to the floor. She hesitantly looked up at her boyfriend, seeing as he was now glaring harsher at her with his teeth slightly bared. She could almost feel the anger now radiating off of him, and she was terrified.

The realization of what Keigo had just done sunk in mere seconds after it happened. He felt his heart drop at the sight of the one he loved on the ground from his actions, now scared of him and what he would possibly do to her next. “(Y/N),” was all he could get out.

“No, don’t.” (Y/N) moved back on the floor as best as she could in her scared state. She eventually stood up, backing up away from him while her arms wrapped around herself. “If you’re going to act like this, then I’m going to leave before you do anything worse.”

Keigo couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eyes, instead staring at the floor. He didn’t even move when (Y/N) walked past him with tears in her eyes. He could hear her grab her keys and put on her shoes before leaving, slamming the door for good measure.

Keigo didn’t try running after her, instead raising a hand to grip his hair tightly and leaning against the doorway of the kitchen. “Fuck.” This all happened because of him and his selfish actions, and there was no other way to look at the situation. “I’m sorry.”

He knew that one simple apology wasn’t going to solve anything, but then again he didn’t know what he could do to turn this around. He grit his teeth and his other hand hit the wall beside him. “I’m so sorry.”

[inkribbon796]

Lost in a Lightning Storm Ch. 2: Far from Home

Summary: You shouldn’t talk about people, and not expect them to find out.

Chapters: 1, 2

While Henrik and Anti were talking to Tubbo and Logan, and then subsequently went off to Nate’s house to do some research, Mare went to go find Anti.

Anti was cackling with the Duke on some rooftop, who had escaped arrest after the chaos he had created. The two chaos-loving criminals were laughing and joking.

“Anti! Your boyfriend is getting too brave, you gotta[1] do something!” Mare said as he leaned over a massive air conditioning unit to get into the glitch’s face. Anti was lying on his back on the rooftop.

“Ooooooohhh~ You have a boyfriend?” Remus gave a huge smile, turning on his stomach and kicking his feet up like they were a bunch of pre-teens at a slumber party. “And you didn’t tell your best friend? For shame.”

“Shut up,” Anti kicked him in the face. Then he turned back to Mare. “I don’t got[2] a boyfriend.”

“Oh, yeah, then what the hell is he?” Mare bit back.

“None ‘a yer fookin’ business,”[3] Anti spat back.

“M’kay,[4] whatever,” Mare rolled his eyes. “Point is, he’s trying to find you.”

“I’m right here, let ‘im[5],” Anti scoffed, still lying on the ground.

“No, the old you, the human one,” Mare warned.

“Why?” Anti spat.

“I don’t know, humans are dumb,” Mare spat. “He’s your problem, you deal with him.”

“Fook[6] you!” Anti spat and stormed off.

Directly after he stormed off, he realized that he hadn’t asked Mare where Henrik was. But it was too late to storm off. Mostly because he overheard Remus trying to weedle information out of Mare. Anti was too in his own head to admit to even himself that he was embarrassed.

So he went out to find Henrik. Except he wasn’t at the hospital . . . and Logan didn’t seem to know where he was. He wasn’t at the hospital either so Anti ran around for a little bit and found them in Nate’s house.

For a couple moments, Anti debated on how upset Mare would be if he barged into his territory. Then he figured that if Mare didn’t want him to trespass, he shouldn’t have told him to take care of Henrik . . . and Anti had been in Nate’s house before on multiple occasions.

So Anti tripped about three alarms to get into the house and Nate and Henrik watched him stroll right into the living room where they were.

“Don’t yeh[7] two know not ta[8] talk about someone behind their back?” Anti layered on the glitching and blood as much as he could.

“You are certainly getting better at zat[9] effect,” Henrik complimented.

“You bleed on my carpet and I will stab you with a soul splitter,” Nate threatened.

Anti pulled out his knife, completely offended that they weren’t screaming in terror.

Nate helped up a stake, the wood was etched with runes and spell writing. “Anti, I don’t want to explain to the rest of your friends why you’re in pieces.”

“Why the fook are yeh diggin’ inta my personal shite?”[10] Anti demanded.

“Because zer is much I do not know about you, und I vish to correct zat,”[11] Henrik told him, Nate was on his computer, still looking through old census records and newspaper reports.

“I’m right the fook[6] here,” Anti spat.

“I cannot recall a time ven ve have ever talked about any’zing,”[12] Henrik told Anti pointedly.

Anti glared at him, his nose scrunched up like the demon was about to pull his lips back in a snarl. “Why, though? No point in lookin’[13] fer[14] a dead man.”

Henrik stood up, really studying Anti’s expression, “If it makes you uncomfortable, I can stop.”

Anti sputtered for a moment, “I don’t care.”

“I am serious Anti, if all zis[15] investigation makes you uncomfortable or vas[16] a traumatic experience, I vill[17] stop.”

A myriad of uncomfortable feelings, that Anti refused to unpack or acknowledge, prickled under his skin and boiled his blood. He absolutely refused to be afraid of some past specter he could barely remember. Anti was better than some human who’s only contribution to the world had been dying so that Anti could be brought into the world.

So instead Anti just scoffed, some derisive, forced laugh, “Whate’er yeh two arses wanna dig up some dead bitch that did me the favor ‘a dyin’, go ahead. Here, I’ll e’en help.”[18]

Henrik watched for any sign that Anti was joking or would destroy Nate’s computer. “If you are certain.”

“Oh yeah,” Anti dismissed. “What did yeh shitebags find?”[19]

“Well,” Nate stalled as he watched Anti walk over, he stayed braced with his stake. “Don’t break my stuff.”

“I won’t,” Anti smiled. “Come on, we got some loser ta[8] find.”

“That “loser” is also a past version of you,” Nate pointedly reminded.

“Watch it, meatbag,” Anti warned. “If he wanted ta[8] stay alive, he shouldn’ta[20] died.”

“Eloquent,” Henrik commented.

“Shut,” Anti hissed back.

“Do you remember your country of origin?” Nate asked. “I’ve got several different deaths from lightning storms and factory accidents from the past 150—”

“I ne’er[21] worked in a factory,” Anti huffed, before mentally stalling because he couldn’t remember how he knew that, just that he did.

“Really?” Nate commented without even blinking. “That helps narrow it down. Means you only could have died from lightning if you’re as old as Mare says you are.”

“Mare needs ta[8] learn ta[8] keep his trap shut,” Anti scoffed.

“You were right there when he told me that, and you didn’t say anything,” Nate reminded.

Anti looked away from him, “I don’t remember this, it didn’t happen.”

“Anyways, do you remember where you came from?” Nate turned back to his computer. “I know the Septics first met you in Ireland, but are you from there too?”

“Been ta a lot ‘a places,”[22] Anti shrugged. “How am I supposed ta[8] know?”

“Well it vould[23] make it easier,” Henrik reminded.

Anti rolled his eyes, “I woke up in Australia. I hitched a ride on several hosts until I got ta[8] Ireland. I don’t know if I died there, my first ten years were a blur.”

“You are Australian?” Henrik was staring at Anti.

“No.” Hunching his shoulders up defensively, Anti glared at the doctor, “Maybe? I can’t remember. What’s it ta[8] yah[7]?”

“No, it’s not a bad thing,” Henrik rushed to say. “I just . . . it is a good thing.”

Nate and Anti just stared at him, neither of them sure which direction to take that comment, but Henrik wasn’t looking Anti in the eyes anymore. He was glancing at Anti though, a lot.

But with a country narrowed down, Nate was able to eliminate several different possible candidates. Until there were five people left, four men and one woman. Mostly because it wasn’t unheard of for gender changes to occur when a human became a demon.

“Okay,” Nate said. “We have: Caleb Carson, Hannah Laverty, Brendan O’Heyne, Angus Collins, and Joe Morrin. Does anyone sound familiar, I don’t see any pictures so . . .”

Anti’s brain felt clouded, like there was something wrong but he couldn’t place it. He felt the urge to stab something and run. Like he was in danger.

“Anti? Are you alright?” Henrik asked, there was a look on Anti’s face that the German doctor hadn’t seen on him before.

Anti’s attention drifted towards one of the names in particular. He had no memories left of that person.

Much of that person was gone now, eroded away by time, but snippets remained. Being arrested for something . . . feeling disgusting inside afterwards . . .

. . . Feeling sick as the boat wouldn’t stop shaking the world around him . . .

. . . The heat of the sun burning his skin, almost hot as the anger that burned inside of him . . .

. . . And then a deafening CRACK as he felt like his body was exploding with pain. And how they’d just . . .

“They left me there,” Anti remembered, his form glitching erratically. “They left my fookin’[24] corpse ta[8] rot!”

“Anti‽” Henrik called out but the two humans watched Anti violently shatter apart in a discorporation.

Nate surged up immediately and took out an amulet necklace. One he had once’s a while ago to safely carry Mare around. But he used his magic to scoop up as much of Anti’s aura as possible to keep him from fracturing.

“Vat[25] happened?” Henrik demanded.

“He must have remembered something,” Nate tried to calm Henrik down as he was casting spells to see how violent the discorporation was, “I don’t think it was a good thing.”

Henrik snatched the necklace away, looking at it. “Vill[17] he be alright?”

“He still seems to be in one piece, but it might take a while for him to reform,” Nate warned.

“I zink ve should stop,”[26] Henrik looked over at Nate’s laptop. “If I had known his reaction vould have been zis violent I vould have stopped ven he confronted us.”[27]

“Yeah,” Nate agreed and watched Henrik put the necklace on. “Be careful with him, an injured demon’s a more dangerous one.”

“I vill[17],” Henrik promised, and gathered up his stuff with a stiff thank you for Nate’s help and the doctor went over to his apartment with the necklace. Anti took a couple of days to reform, but he didn’t talk to Henrik. The demon would escape the necklace and then slip back in whenever Henrik was distracted or busy.

After almost a week since the incident at Nate’s house, Henrik decided that, if Anti wasn’t going to talk to him, Henrik would talk to Anti. He started out small, complaining about the coffee machine at the hospital, about how muggy the weather was.

Then, one night, while Henrik was sitting on his couch, watching some TV show, or at least had it on in the background while he was staring down at the necklace in his hands, the doctor decided to be a bit more blunt. He watched the gem, saw almost like glitchy lightning crackling underneath the surface. “I must admit, part of ze[28] reason I went digging vas[16] to get a reaction out of you.”

There was a pause to the energy in the necklace. But after a bit the glitched lightning continued as if nothing had happened.

“If you do not vant to talk about zis matter, I vill not force you,”[29] Henrik told him. “But I had hoped to get a violent reaction out of you, not to actually harm you. For zat[9] I am sorry.”

Anti’s aura shot out of the necklace was just staring at Henrik. “Why was that what yeh were goin’ fer?”[30]

“You have tried to kill me und[31] my friends many times, und[31] I vanted[32] to get you to attack me,” Henrik admitted.

“Why?” Anti scoffed, plopping down on Henrik’s couch. “If I wanted yeh[7] dead, I would’a[33] done it already.”

He took glared at him. “Zat[9] is exactly the problem, you have zis[15] odd stalking infatuation but you have tried to kill me in the past. Not to mention you utterly ruined Average’s marriage und[31] his ability to visit his children.”

“The fooker was gettin’ cucked an’ e’eryone knew it,”[34] Anti dismissed.

“She vas doin’ no’zing of ze sort,”[35] Henrik defended heatedly.

Anti looked away angrily.

The two sat in angry silence for a little while, before Henrik sighed, taking off his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose before carefully putting them back on. “Anti, vat do you vant out of zese interactions ve have?”[36]

The glitch demon decided he would rather talk about literally anything else, but his only other option was talking about his former human life and he wasn’t sure which made him look worse. “I like it when yeh[7] get angry at me.”

“Is it simply ze[28] anger or ze[28] attention?” Henrik asked, genuinely trying to understand.

Anti still wasn’t looking at him, deciding that he’d rather take the human talk. “My name used ta[8] be somethin’[37] else.”

“Vich[38] do you prefer?” Henrik asked.

“Anti,” Anti told him hesitantly.

“Zen[39] you are Anti,” Henrik agreed. “As you said, zat[9] man is dead, und[31] you are here.”

Something in Anti’s chest tightened, he didn’t like it. He didn’t like even the reminder that he was human. But he started leaning over towards Henrik. It was just a little bit of a lean, not enough to even get near Henrik. So the doctor closed the distance for him, lightly resting his shoulder against Anti’s.

“I zink zat you like the attention, vich I am more zen happy to give to you,”[40] Henrik smiled at him as Anti still refused to hold eye contact with him. “Und ven you know vat you vant, you can tell me in your own time.”[41]

For the rest of the night the two of them sat in almost near silence. Anti wasn’t ready to admit anything, but still tantalizingly close all the same. Anti getting closer and close to Henrik until the doctor was pressed up against the side of the couch and Anti was leaning against him. Anti sat next to Henrik as the doctor just ran his fingers through his hair. Anymore and Anti would have started hissing and pulling away. But as he leaned into the touch the glitch decided that he liked this attention.

Henrik occasionally looked over at Anti, smiling at him.

And if, as he scratched his fingers across his scalp, heard him give out very quiet purring sounds, the doctor decided not to tease the glitch demon about them . . . at least not yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Post A/N: Anti in his AU used to be a man by the name of Angus (Jack’s “survivalist” character he made super early in his channel and in this AU Angus was arrested and sent to Australia where he subsequently died from a freak lightning storm, and then cue villain arc.

Side note: Henrik likes Anti’s Australian accent, he likes it a lot! No I will not back down from this extremely unpopular headcanon.

Accessibility Translations:

1. have to

2. have

3. None of your fucking business

4. Okay

5. him

6. Fuck

7. you

8. to

9. that

10. Why the fuck are you digging into my personal shit?

11. Because there is much I don’t know about you, and I wish to correct that

12. I can’t recall a time when we have ever talked about anything

13. looking

14. for

15. this

16. was

17. will

18. Whatever you two assholes want to dig up some dead bitch that did me the favor of dying, go ahead. Here, I’ll even help.

19. What did you shitbags find?

20. shouldn’t have

21. never

22. I’ve been to a lot of places

23. would

24. fucking

25. What

26. I think we should stop

27. If I had known his reaction would have been this violent I would have stopped when he confronted us.

28. the

29. If you do not want to talk about this matter, I will not force you

30. Why was that what you were going for?

31. and

32. wanted

33. would have

34. The fucker was getting cucked and everyone knew it

35. She was doing nothing of the sort

36. Anti, what do you want out of these interactions we have?

37: something

38. which

39. then

40. I think that you like the attention, which I am more then happy to give to you

41. And when you know what you want, you can tell me in your own time.

[calpops]

through the clouds | c.h.

You try to teach Calum how to bake and he brings records from his shop that you just have to listen to.

1k words

business!sos masterlist

Copyright © 2020 calpops. All rights reserved. This work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format (translations included).

<< >>

Calum has his first full day off from the record shop in what feels like forever; Ashton afforded him some time away when he came back walking on air after a date with you that finally ended in a kiss. Ashton saw how smitten he was, the undeniable smirks through the bay window and the small waves when your attention was caught. The day is calm, the sun is out and white clouds drift through a blue sky in a serene way. It’s warm and the heat of a preheating oven in a small galley style kitchen makes it even more so, but Calum doesn’t mind as he watches you pour over a new recipe. You flutter around the kitchen, pivoting on feet that know their way with hands that handle the ingredients with care. It’s the first time Calum has seen you in your element, the first time he’s been in the small apartment you’ve managed to make into a beautiful home.

He lives not far away, in a building quite similar to yours. The differences are striking though; where he has blank walls, dying plants and memorabilia from or for the record shop spilling out of corners and cabinets your place is much more put together. Lively plants scatter the apartment, sheer curtains let the light in even when they’re pulled, small art pieces and cookbooks on oak bookshelves that dominate the wall space. He feels at ease within your world as he watches you sift sugar into a bowl.

“I thought you were supposed to be learning,” you say in a small voice and cut through the haze Calum has found himself in.

“I’m a visual learner,” Calum offers around a smirk. He leans forward, elbows on the bar counter top and eyes peering at the work you’ve already done. “Mm, yes, makes sense.”

He revels in the laughter that spills out of you at his silly comment and receives the bag of flour you push toward him. “Measure out one cup.”

The instruction is simple but the execution ends in half a bag of spilled flour on a marble countertop and eyes blown wide in disbelief before another round of laughter ensues. You shake your head and Calum heats up, a blush dominating his cheeks and crawling down his neck and chest. Your laughter is innocent, not mocking in the slightest but Calum is still embarrassed at his failure for such a simple task.

“Next time,” you begin as you start sweeping the fallen flour into a pile. “Put the cup into the bag and scoop. Lifting and pouring it in never ends well. Trust me, my floors will vouch for that.”

Calum nods his understanding and just like that his embarrassment vanishes into thin air. You make him feel at ease once more as you tell him of your own disasters in the kitchen; spilled flour, forgotten ingredients, and exploding batter—that one you’re still unsure of how it happened. The pile of flour on the counter top is quickly forgotten until Calum receives a slight flick of it at him and a mischievous smirk from you. He laughs, responds in kind with an arched eyebrow and rounds the counter to close the distance between you. He’s been sampling the goodies as they come out of the oven and the shy kiss he graces you with tastes of chocolate and sugar. It’s as soft as the first kiss you shared on a night under the stars. He’s as supple and sweet as shy smiles through the windows and the offering of a place for cover during torrential downpour.

“I might not be much use in the kitchen,” Calum says softly, the press of his lips meeting yours with each syllable. “But I did bring those records I thought you should listen to.”

His statement brings you away from the kitchen and the mess that was created in your wake—you clean as you go but a few remnants of your baking lesson remain; a pile of flour and a measuring cup among them. You have an old record player you got from the antique store just across from the record shop and adjacent to the bakery you work in. You both sprawl out on the floor covered with blankets and pillows and nothing but music comes between you. The initial shyness that was your introduction to each other melts away quickly, a kiss breaking the sheen of uncertainty. It feels all too natural to rest your head against his chest, to keep time with his heartbeat and let the record be nothing more than background noise. The afternoon drifts in a lovely and golden haze.

Small talk comes easy and the mention of your respective work places brings stories you’re both apt to share. Calum laughs at stories of the bakery and it devolves into stories of childhood; the easy bake oven you had as a kid being your inspiration into the craft. Stories of the record shop bring tales of garage bands in Calum’s youth and him offering an even trade; you continue to teach him how to bake and he’ll teach you to play bass.

“Wish we could do this more often,” Calum admits around a sigh.

“Me too,” you said and even though it’s a timid movement you bring yourself a little bit closer to Calum; reveling in the feeling and knowing you’ll have to hold onto it for a while.

Time with you comes in fleeting droves. Morning orders at the bakery. Night time rides around the neighborhood instead of going directly home. Surprise visits to the record shop on your lunch break. The smallest of moments coming through the windows. An entire day together is almost too good to be true. An entire night spent together would be even better. You both feel as though you’re floating through the clouds; running on a high of sugar, good music and afternoon sunshine warming your skin but you both surmise it’s mostly due to each other.

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[stiltonbasket]

this is my own little indulgent headcanon for my daydream universe in which the universe you've created heavily features in, but what are your thoughts with chunyang falling in love with the reincarnation of wen qing or even just another woman? maybe its bc im gay but even tho i love jz/jyl i think jyl should have gotten to be with a lovely young lady. and the line about "i'd like to choose [who i marry]" makes me go *thinking emoji*. idk if its ur thing but i would die if u wrote smth for this

I could not stop thinking about this, so have a little au with fem!jin hong! <3

__

To his most esteemed Excellency…

“Chun-bao?”

Considering the decade of close friendship between our clans…

“Hm?”

“Is everything all right?” Wei Shuilan asks, poking her younger sister in the shoulder. “You’ve been staring at that letter for the past five minutes.”

And the closeness of age between my son Zhang Xiting and your daughter, the second Young Mistress Wei--

“Oh, it’s just--just a petition for Father. I’m sorting them out so he knows which ones to look at first when he comes home.”

...I would be most honored if you would consider his suit when the time is right for Wei Chunyang-xiaojie to be married. 

--

Even though Wei Chunyang and all four of her siblings have long since grown old enough to move out of their parents’ house, the whole family still eats meals together in the jingshi at least four times a week. The whole family includes Jingyi, of course, since he was part of the family even before he and Chunyang’s xiongzhang decided to adopt a son together, and her Yu-gege’s own husband and son. Her sister Shuilan is here, too, since she and Chunyang still live with their A-Die and Fuqin, and sometimes Xichen-bobo or one of their more distant cousins comes along, too. 

Today, the cousin in question is Rulan-ge’s daughter, Jin Hong. She was Wei Chunyang’s best friend growing up, since the two of them are the same age, but they drifted apart as they grew older--out of no fault on either of their parts, but because of circumstance. Jin Hong rarely has the time to leave the Jinlintai or answer Chunyang’s letters, and Chunyang never had the chance to go to school with her because she studies the dao of healing cultivation like her Uncle Xichen, while Jin Hong follows the jiandao. 

These days, Chunyang doesn’t really know what to say to her on the rare occasions their paths do cross, which is why she only gives Jin Hong a close-lipped smile and slides into her usual seat at A-Die’s right when lunchtime rolls around. 

“Jin Hong,” she says, inclining her head as A-Die (doting as ever, just like Papa) fills up her plate with soft white rice, and adds a little bowl of her favorite spicy noodles on the side. “It’s lovely to see you again!”

And confusing, Chunyang doesn’t add. But there’s not much talking at meals anyway, because her brother-in-law Nie Zhuyan (who managed to woo her brother Lan Yu after five long years of courtship, even though Lan Yu didn’t know he was being courted for the first four years, eleven months, and twenty-seven days) is more of a stickler for the sect precepts than the rest of the family, out of the fear that he might offend Papa by accident. 

A-Die is enough conversation for the whole table, though, and there is plenty of laughter--both his and Yu-gege’s, and then everyone else’s, which is why Chunyang could probably have chosen a better time to tell her parents about Zhoushan Zhang’s request for her hand in marriage. 

“They what?” A-Die gasps, overturning his cup of tea. Xiongzhang gives him a handkerchief, but he looks as worried as A-Die and Papa do when he turns around to stare at her. “You can’t get married! You’re only twenty-one! You’re a baby!”

“She’s of age,” Shuilan-jie points out, in a vain effort to distract everyone from the rivalry-slash-courtship-slash-bitter enmity thing she has going on with one of the sect’s best music teachers, Lan Fang, who spends all his time writing sad love songs for her and crying every time she tells him she hates him. “She can get married if she wants to, right?”

“If she wants to, then certainly,” Papa says, trying to sound like he isn’t fretting. “But that is not your elders’ place to decide, Chun-bao, and certainly not Zhoushan Zhang’s. Do you know the young master they offered?”

“No,” she admits. Zhang Xiting attended the Lan sect lectures when she was around fifteen, but Chunyang only ever met him at the opening and closing ceremonies because her classes were in the physicians’ compound with her uncle. “I was going to write back this afternoon with a rejection, actually.”

Across from her, Jin Hong’s shoulders relax a little. 

“Ah, that’s good,” A-Die sighs, patting her hand. “I knew we were going to have to think about this sometime, of course, but you really are too young! Look, even your jiejie isn’t married yet.”

Wei Shuilan looks so offended that Jingyi-ge starts choking in an attempt to hide his laughter. “I’m never going to get married. A-Chun doesn’t have to wait for me.”

“I meant that Chunyang should follow your example, A-Lan. Marriage is overrated.”

Nie Zhuyan gives A-Die an incredulous sort of stare. “But father-in-law, you’re happily married! And so am I. Being wed is wonderful!”

“Not for my baby girls,” A-Die counters, while Lan Yu covers his face with his sleeve to hide his blush. “Where in the world am I supposed to find a man worthy of A-Lan, hm? Or a nice young master for my sweet little Chun-bao? I don’t believe they exist, so they’re going to be good little radishes and stay with their poor old A-Die until he dies.”

“Wei Ying,” Father says, clearly pained by even the thought of A-Die dying. “Do not say such things.”

I don’t want to marry any young master, Chunyang thinks, as Yu-gege starts teasing Shuilan about Lan Fang again. I just want to stay here, with my parents. 

(She doesn’t think of warm orange fur, or a pair of laughing golden eyes, or the countless letters to Lanling Jin that her once-best friend never answered.

It’s better this way, after all.)