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mrs-stans · 11 days ago

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Sebastian Stan

Words Natty Kasambala

Beloved for Captain America, I, Tonya, and his recent Emmy-nominated role in Pam & Tommy, Stan reflects on a career shaped by diverse characters. Now, with A Different Man and The Apprentice, he’s exploring deep questions about identity, ambition, and the complexities of portraying one of America’s most influential (and controversial) men, Donald Trump

Sebastian Stan wears Rag & Bone throughout. Photography Jim Goldberg

The first time Sebastian Stan tried acting, he hated it. At 9 or 10 years old, he played a Romanian orphan in an Austrian film called 71 Fragments of a Chronology of Chance (1994). Between the waiting around, night shoots, and general pressure-cooker energy, the whole experience had been pretty anxiety-inducing. “I think the idea of a set was just really terrifying,” he recalls. The 42-year-old mainstay admits to being a Leo, but a rather reluctant one, he says, not that extroverted or hypersocial. “I know my mom always thought I was creative simply because I would impersonate the people in our family, or birds or whatever I would see around me.” Nowadays, when he does speak, it’s with the compelling ease of someone who’s spent equal time commanding impressive rooms and in their own head trying to crack the great questions of the world – sounding off passionately about the perils of social media (“there’s so much noise in today’s world”) or the last incredible film he watched (Sing Sing and it was “pure heart”).

Born in Romania and raised in Vienna until he was 12, it wasn’t until immigrating to America as a preteen that Stan found his way back to the craft at all. Attending Stagedoor Manor summer camp aged 15, in the Catskill mountains of upstate New York, his spark was reignited. “That place was really magical and made me fall in love with (acting again); I couldn’t think of anything else as exciting to me as performing was,” he says. “Some of it was about not ever being sure of what to be when I grew up. I kept thinking that you could be a lot of things if you did this.”

So far, he’s been a wayward socialite, a cannibal, a space surgeon, a ski patrol villain, a heavy metal drummer, a supernatural student and a World War II veteran turned brainwashed Soviet operative, to n ame but a few. He’s not an actor you’ll find in the same role twice. With that said, his name has reached household status through a decade-long Marvel stint, with the two films Stan finds himself at the helm of this year being his most ambitious forays yet. 33 years on from his awkward beginning, the actor’s commitment to film appears to still be very much in bloom. “I think I’m at a point in my life where I’m trying to understand things on a deeper level,” he explains. “I can’t say I know everything, you’re always growing, always having to explore. I think it’s important to stay curious, to stay in a certain degree of healthy discomfort… I want to be part of important storytelling that’s asking important questions and reflecting our time.”

In A Different Man, an A24 production directed by Aaron Schimberg, Stan takes on the role of an aspiring actor called Edward with neurofibromatosis, a genetic condition that results in the extensive growth of benign tumours. He undergoes a clinical trial that cures him of his physical symptoms, but his new life turns out to be far from what he dreamed for himself. It’s a winding surrealist investigation into the social impacts of disability, alienation, representation and self-image: its gaze is unflinching, its narrative self-referential and its humour pitch-black. Stan has already won the Silver Bear for Best Leading Performance at the Berlin Film Festival for A Different Man.

The second release, The Apprentice, follows a wildly different arc. Directed by Iranian-Danish filmmaker Ali Abbasi, it tracks a young Trump as he falls under the nefarious mentorship of infamous legislator Roy Cohn. Dubbed ‘an American Horror Story’, it’s a sobering yet deeply entertaining snapshot of the making of one of America’s most influential men. Yet even within the dynamic, prescient story, the actor’s take on Trump is subtle and human, and the tone of the film is less moralising and more matter of fact.

Though the narratives of these two projects are starkly different, you can’t help but find the common threads. Both are set in New York and document a transformation, and both centre a feverish pursuit of some ideal imagined self. A Different Man was filmed back in 2022, and The Apprentice only wrapped in February of this year, but Stan agrees it’s a curious double-header. “I’m weirdly finding parallels between them that I never thought I would. Identity, self-truth, self-abandonment. This idea that we’re always chasing in America, whether it’s image or status or an inability to accept failure and to take ownership over mistakes.”

For the Trump film, that real-life denial was almost the ending of their work of fiction. After years of false starts, Trump’s legal team attempted to block the film’s release in the US altogether and they struggled to find a distributor willing to take on the risk of pissing off a potential President. “For to edit it and get it to Cannes in some finished version itself in five months was just insane. There was no idea if the movie was going to come out,” Stan says. On an individual level, the task felt equally murky and intimidating at first. “You’re trying to tell a story about somebody that’s so famous, who everyone has an opinion about: either extreme love and adoration or hate and animosity. And everyone’s got a version of the guy, so you think, well what do I…” he shrugs, “how do I find my way into it?” Ultimately, they landed on this film as a means of peeling back the layers of one of the most polarising figures of our time. It’s less caricature and more character study as it explores his relationship with his father, his ambitions, the man he was before the slogans and affectations.

Executive producer Amy Baer has spoken about the choice to call on a non-American director to provide a new lens on the intricacies of American culture, propaganda and patriotism. With Stan’s own immigrant story, his perspective adds another dimension to that prism too. Memories of walking down Fifth Avenue in awe and wonder as a kid, staring up at all the big buildings – he tapped into a hunger and drive to portray early Trump as a young man desperately trying to be a part of The Club. “I guess with my experience coming to this country, it was communicated to me even from Eastern Europe that this is the place where you can make something of yourself, you can have a good idea… and you could just succeed,” Stan says. The Apprentice asks, “but at what cost? What happens to a person’s humanity?”

Throughout the film, you witness Trump espousing about “bringing back New York”, even remarking on Reagan’s campaign slogan ‘Let’s Make America Great Again’ towards the end, an ideology he would go on to repurpose for his own candidacy. It’s a fascinating yet depressing origin story of a nationalistic rhetoric that echoes today as a Trojan horse for corruption and greed. “It’s complicated. That’s why I think there’s value in exploring it,” Stan urges. “This American Dream idea is a really powerful driving force that also comes with consequences.”

Perhaps the most complex part was the toxic relationship with his sometimes-partner-in-crime played staggeringly by Jeremy Strong. “I think he was the best partner I’ve ever had in anything I’ve worked on,” Stan declares with a smile. “You know when you’re standing in front of a fire and you feel the heat of it and there’s crackling in the air? That’s how it felt.” Amidst quite a gruelling, isolating filming schedule, it’s the aspect Stan speaks about most fondly.

Clothing Fendi, Necklace & Bracelet Cartier, Boots Givenchy

Swinging between dominant and intimate, transactional and paternal, from comical to devastating, both stayed in character throughout the shoot and undertook a colossal amount of research to be prepared for infinite possible improvised routes. “Creatively, makes things interesting is when you’re not in control. You do all this preparation to be prepared to be surprised,” Stan says. Shot documentary-style in moments, Abbasi might give each of them notes in private to shift the tone of a scene, and they’d find themselves responding instinctively within their roles. “The only way you can achieve that is if, to some degree, you find that person in you. And I can certainly tell you,” he pauses briefly to consider his landing. “There is a version of Trump that existed in me. And I’ll make the argument that there’s a version of Trump that exists in all of us. And that part of our job, part of our interest, should be figuring out what that is. I think we have to acknowledge and expose the things in us that are not so easy to admit, in order to further protect the things we need to fight for. You can’t ignore it.”

In that moment, it’s clear that it’s an argument as true of our discourse on Trump as it is of Stan’s other role in A Different Man. His character Edward is driven to obsession and madness when he witnesses the thriving life of a person with the same disfigurement he was quick to shed, the very thing he believed to be the root of all his misfortune. Right before his transformation, Edward has been ignoring a leak in his ceiling for weeks, and the damage is getting worse. When he’s finally forced to call for a repair, the super arrives and is appalled at how bad he’s allowed it to get. He tells Edward frustratedly, “you should have fixed this sooner”. In that moment, it feels as though he’s talking about a hundred things at once. From Edward’s own issues with doubt and self-acceptance that cling to him even when he is no longer ‘different’ to our own society’s discomfort with, and the misunderstanding of disability altogether. We cannot be afraid to look.

“Edward makes a decision that he thinks is going to improve his life, but he’s not making it for himself. He’s making it because he’s watched other people and he’s grown up in a society that’s told him this is what works,” Stan explains. “Essentially, he abandons himself and he spirals down trying to further live with that painful acknowledgement. I think we have to be conscious of when we’re making decisions that go against who we are and what we truly want.”

In true indie style, squeezing in around the schedule of their makeup artist who was on another project at the same time, Stan had some hours to kill most mornings in prosthetics before filming which he’d spend navigating the city he calls home: “one of the gifts that I was given which I’m very grateful for was the experience that I had walking around New York City as Edward.” With reactions to him ranging from invisibility to hypervisibility, it shifted his entire understanding.

“I’ve been there like everybody else thinking, oh, if I had that. Or you see someone on Instagram and you’re like, oh my God, look at that life, they have the best life; you get caught up in these things.” It’s both reassuring and a little disheartening that, unlike his superhuman alter ego, a star like Stan is still not immune to the very human insecurities us civilians face of joy-stealing comparisons. “There’s this idea I’ve been thinking about a lot with my therapist actually,” he laughs. “He was saying ‘I am me and you are you.’ I was like… yeah! But you forget. We have to understand our own experience and then understand someone else’s. But we have to try to understand it not through our own emotional… vomit.”

When I ask Sebastian what he does for fun, to unbecome his characters and shed their existential weight, he cites reading (mostly non-fiction) and travel (to see other cultures). “I always feel like I’m not learning enough,” he laughs. You get the sense that this year is a juncture for Stan, always revered for being grounded and likeable, but perhaps waiting for opportunities like these to enrich and express other sides of himself as an actor and voice within culture. “Both of these films came at an interesting time where I’m thinking about if I’m at mid-life, this second half of my life. What is it that I want to be a part of and one day look back and be proud of?”

And that’s not to say fun is off the table for Stan. He’s passionate about laughter as a release in a difficult world. “I think it’s just as important, we have to protect humour,” he tells me with an urgency. “I love comedies, romantic comedies, action.” In fact, there’s a top-secret action movie passion project that he has in the works and hopes will come together in the right way. “There are also things in Marvel I want to do and explore with ol’ Bucky Barnes,” he smiles, presumably in reference to the new Marvel film Thunderbolts, slated for a 2025 release, in which he stars alongside Florence Pugh, Harrison Ford and David Harbour. “Otherwise I just want to keep learning how to be a human being. I’m telling you,” he laughs, “I feel like it’s pretty hard.”

Photography Jim Goldberg Styling Reuben Esser Production Hyperion LA Hair Jamie Taylor using Augustinus Bader Hair Erica Adams Represented by A-Frame Agency

#Sebastian Stan #Port Magazine #Photoshoot #Interview #The Apprentice #A Different Man #Marvel #Bucky Barnes #mrs-stans #StansClan #SStan #SebStan #sebastianstansource #sebastian stan source #sebastiansource #sebastianstannews #sebastianstanedit #sebstanedit #sebastianstan

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myokk · 4 months ago

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The Babbit siblings, Leonard & Eloise 🫶

Info about their dynamics/more about Leo:

This is also super dramatic😆 idk what sort of mood I was in when I made all of this up🙏

He’s one year older than Eloise. Ever since she was born, he’s been fiercely protective of her and loves her so much. His first year at Hogwarts, he kept sending her long letters about how amazing it was and how he was excited to show her everything the following year (even though it was all but assumed she was a squib, he still believed she would show magic & be admitted). Leonard was going to be such a proud big brother😭😭 not embarrassed about her at all but showing her off etc😭😭😭😭 The summer after his first year was the worst of his life. It was the summer Eloise was exiled from their family….he witnessed the whole thing…their mom completely lost it (á la Bellatrix) and would have killed Eloise if their father hadn’t intervened on time (but their father had watched and let it get to that point😔). Leo was left alone with a dying little sister and he didn’t know how to help her….he’d only JUST finished his first year of Hogwarts…and then she was taken away and their parents pretended like she had never existed. He had to as well…what else could a 12-year-old who’d been taught by birth to obey his parents do??

(it was IMPOSSIBLE to forget her…and yet he had to try bc the parents are really manipulative and emotionally abusive…and he was always raised to be the perfect son) And then when he returned to Hogwarts…he saw two twins who were also quiet and reminded him a lot of his sister. Their parents had just died and he kind of put his energy that he had been going to use to show Eloise everything etc into them and he became really close with them & Ominis. He and Ominis were also close because they have some experiences in common & honestly at the end of the day there isn’t that much difference in their ages) But then…after Anne was cursed Leo was DEVASTATED. He was going to lose another girl who was like a sister to him….bc of his parents he had never told them about Eloise (nobody except their family knew about her existence) and so he and Sebastian got into a HUGE fight. Because Sebastian had never heard of Eloise, when he saw that Leo was just as devastated as HE was… there was just no way that Leo could understand what he was going through, and Leo had no right to be affected as much as HE WAS😤

Like the dumb teenage boys they are, they couldn’t deal with their big emotions (Leo is also a lot like Eloise in that aspect probably bc of their parents…pushing away any uncomfortable emotions instead of dealing with them, until it builds and builds and he just explodes when they’re too much) and he and Sebastian took it out on each other and instead of talking they had a duel that almost killed each other😤😭😤😭 ever since then they’ve hated each other with a passion.

Pffffffff Eloise had no idea….she was really getting along with Sebastian but also wasn’t saying her last name at all and so the two of them had already started to kind of be friends before Sebastian found out that she was LEO’S SISTER😫😤😤 then he hated her too!! Bc he thought that she was in with her brother and they had worked together to TRICK HIM like a little evil inside joke…playing with Sebastian and his emotions like the previous yesr😔😔😔 (Obviously wasn’t the case, Sebastian just jumps to conclusions without thinking which is ALSO what happened when he and Leo had their huge fight😤)

But yeah now that Eloise is back Leo doesn’t know what to do….he recognized her immediately when she walked in the Great Hall to be sorted…🤯🤯 but he isn’t good with feeling emotions and neither is she and neither of them know how to recreate the close relationship they had as children😫😫

Leo is serious, quiet, bad with emotions, but when he lets someone in they are a part of his life forever (yes even Sebastian the dumbass)

Some excerpts from my fic that involve Leo 💓 it’s Eloise/Sebastian alternating POV, so this is all Eloise’s perspective:

“Leo had changed since Eloise last saw him. Of course he had, she thought to herself. It had been five years, after all. The same unruly black curls, same eyes. And yet…he almost seemed a stranger to her. He was taller, face more angular and defined than it had been at thirteen. Voice deeper. But, the expression of vulnerability and guilt written all over his face was something she recognized well. It was the same expression that he had the last time he saw her, the face she sometimes saw before falling asleep. Just as quickly as it flashed across his face however, it was gone, hidden behind a stony exterior. His expression hardened and he sat down just as quickly as he had stood up, averting his eyes. The students sitting around him were looking between the two of them curiously but before Eloise could begin to process this new situation, she felt a gentle push on her shoulder.”

“Her relationship with her brother had always had an undercurrent of fear running through it. No matter how hard she tried as a child, there was always something she had done wrong, and Leo was always there to protect her. Or try to, anyway. The two of them had always lived under the shadow of their parents’ abuse and didn’t know any other way of relating to each other.

But here, with Anne, Leo was murmuring apologies into her hair as she cried, reassuring and comforting her in a way he had never been able to with his own sister.

Eloise felt sick. Sick at seeing them, sick at her own jealousy. Had Leo replaced her with Anne - that year when Eloise was supposed to join Hogwarts - to try and cover the bitter disappointment of not being able to proudly show off his younger sister? They had spent so many nights that summer before her Hogwarts letter never came, sneaking out to the garden late at night, Leo reassuring her that she would be fine and telling her about all of the magic and wonder at Hogwarts that was waiting for her. He promised her that she could sit with him on the train, that he wouldn’t be embarrassed by her.

And then…

Turning away from the two of them, Eloise headed towards the apples. She hated the emotions roiling around inside of her. She should be happy. She had saved Anne, and now things were going to go back to normal, how they were before she arrived. Eloise trailed her hand on the back of the couch, trying to focus on the feeling of soft velvet, calm her racing emotions.”

If you read all of this….You’re amazing & I love you🥹💓🥹💓 tbh I have MORE about the two of them & their family, but this was already getting so long😵‍💫

#Leo will be given the Eloise treatment here #aka happy in drawings😇😇😇#also I gave them both Paul McCartney eyes😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍🤡#aka the eyes I do whenever I draw Beatles fanart😆#I hope the formatting works this was a PAIN #and I think it is still probably bad😔🙏#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fanart #hphl #hogwarts legacy oc #hogwarts legacy mc #eloise babbit #leo babbit #honestly I am NOT happy with how Leo turned out here…the next drawing will be better I promise😭😭

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fastlikealambo · 5 months ago

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Honeycake.|| An Alpha!Joel Miller x Black!Fem Reader Omegaverse AU

Summary: Joel has a good life. He's got his pack, his own business, no time for love outside of meaningless hookups and that one time Sarah tricked him into speed dating. Love comes knocking in the form of you, an omega from a dangerous disbanded pack looking to heal.

Trigger Warnings: Past violence against reader, mentions of David, non-consenting mate bites, mental health discussions, this omega needs a hug and like 12 blankets.

Note One: This takes place in modern day, no outbreak. Joel’s pack consists of Omega!Tommy, his wife Alpha!Maria and their two children, Beta! Marlene and her wife Omega! Anna and their daughter Ellie, and Joel’s daughter, Sarah (SARAH LIVES!). They all live on the same street and joel's house is their packhouse because I said so.

Note Two: This is my first dive into writing omegaverse! There are so many different interpretations and headcanons out there and I’m excited to join in. I apologize in advance if I get something wrong 🙂

This is a test chapter! If you’d like to see chapter two, please comment or reblog as engagement with my fics makes me write faster! I also just like talking to y’all too <3

Chapter One

“As you can hear behind me, court proceedings have just concluded for the man simply known as David, the alpha of a Colorado based pack that made headlines for the last year over David’s numerous felonies ranging from embezzlement, wire fraud,and tax evasion. But today is his latest sentencing over his assault of his former omegas and multiple forced courtships charges-

“Sarah, Ellie! Breakfast!”

“A single charge of claiming any omega without their consent carries a prison sentence of upwards of twenty years in prison and David has ten counts. The brave victims whose names and faces we may and should never know can finally live their lives in peace knowing that this man is behind bars.”

Joel replaced Sarah’s phone with a plate of bacon and eggs before sitting down himself.

“You know the rules, no phones at the table.” Joel grumbled through his coffee,inhaling that shit to drown out the scents of the various couples in his pack. Eight in the morning was too far too early for perfume based love declarations.

“It’s all anyone talks about at school, I hope they fry the motherfucker!” Ellie said through a mouthful of eggs.

“Language!” Marlene, Anna, and Joel said in unison, a barely stifled laugh escaping Sarah who snuck her phone from off the kitchen counter.

“You’re not wrong though, sweetie.” Anna said, patting Ellie on the head.

While his pack fell into a lively discussion/rant over the news, Joel’s mind was somewhere else, desperately trying to remember the name of the waitress he screwed behind the job site last night.

Lizzie?

Megan?

Did she even tell him?

Did it matter?

He had his rules.

No courtships without pack approval (mostly just Sarah’s approval because nothing got past Sarah Miller.)

No fucking around in town.

No bullshit.

Ruts were out of town experiences only, with waitresses and gas station attendants in need of relief not romance, people just like him trying to get off and get through the damn day.

As long as he could get through the day, Joel Miller was good to go, mates not needed or wanted.

The only good thing to come out of his last courtship was grabbing her backpack and stealing the last bit of bacon off his plate.

Morning chaos got Joel out his head as the packhouse emptied, Ellie and Sarah heading toward his truck only for a U-Haul with tinted windows to block him in.

“Shit!” Joel growled out, unable to stop himself from hitting the back of the moving van.

The truck reversed quickly and Joel threw his shit into his truck while the girls tried their damndest to peek into the darkened windows. Already sweaty, his hand grasped the door handle only to fall to his side when it hit him.

Honey.

The most perfect honey scent ran through the entirety of the alpha and it took everything within Joel not to fall to his knees right fucking there. When he had the strength to look up in search of the scent, all Joel saw was the corner of the sundress and a front door quickly closing.

His scent match just moved in.

Okay! This is all I got, if you want to see more please comment or reblog! This is my first time writing omegaverse so be nice :)

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x black!reader #alpha!joel miller #omega!reader #joel miller fluff

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sissylittlefeather · 9 months ago

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How the Web Was Woven: Chapter 11

A/N: I'm on a roll with this one right now, so I figured I'd go ahead and publish this. ICYMI, this is the soulmate/time travel AU with Elvis and a fem!reader.

Need to catch up? Here's my Masterlist.

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, kissing, cussing, p in v penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, and biting 😏

Word count: ~3k

Somehow, you're pregnant with the child of Elvis Presley.

******

On March 12, 2017 you give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy. You name him John Jessie and he has your hair and Elvis's bright blue eyes. When the doctor hands him to you, you weep openly for so many reasons, but mainly because you wish Elvis could be there to see him.

And sure, you could've made a portal sometime while you were pregnant or in that first year, but you didn't. First because you were afraid he'd change his mind about staying in his time, and second because you wanted his first experience of fatherhood to be with Lisa Marie.

But once Lisa is born, you start to think about telling him. In the evenings when you rock John Jessie to sleep, the desire to let his father know about him overwhelms you. The same thing inside you that made you tell him about your engagement all those years ago is now telling you to find him and tell him about his son.

You even have the wild inclination to pack John Jessie up and bring him with you. You consider going to his time forever and just living as an unknown girlfriend. But you think about what it would mean for Elvis if anyone found out you were there with his son. His reputation would be ruined. And aside from that, you don't want to risk taking him away from Lisa Marie in any way. There's no telling how Priscilla might react if she ever found out about you.

So instead you pack up an envelope of pictures for him to see, put it in your bag filled with vintage clothes, leave John Jessie with your mom, and head to California in June of 2018. He's filming the Singer Presents Elvis special, better known now as the '68 Comeback Special, so you know exactly where to find him. Furthermore, you know he's living at the studio, so you'll be able to get to him alone more easily than if he was at home.

You don't know how he might respond to finding out he has another child, especially one that he might never get to see and definitely won't get to raise. Still, you have to risk it. He deserves to know.

******

When you get to California, you check into your hotel and get dressed. You're going to have to find a way to sneak into the studio since it's been closed to the public for a while now. You pray that fate will be on your side again, as it always has been for the two of you.

You take a cab to the studio, but the driver won't let you off in front of it. Instead you have to get out at the corner and walk over to it. You walk all the way around the large building trying to find a way in and start to get nervous that it's not going to work. You're also dodging security the whole time and you're exhausted after trying for several hours. The sun is low in the sky when you lean your back against one of the doors and almost break down crying.

******

Elvis was unbelievably nervous to begin filming for the special. In fact, he tried to refuse at the last second, but the producer insisted. After several hours of filming, he demands a break.

"I need some air." He says, looking for a door to escape and try to relax. He had finally begun to feel comfortable on stage, but there is a different kind of nervous energy possessing him now. There's a feeling in his stomach like something is about to happen, but he has no idea what it could possibly be. He gets his answer when he finally gets outside to find the buzzing sound and wavy air hovering right in front of him.

He turns and looks back at the door to the studio and then back at the portal. His life is finally starting to be what he wants. He doesn't want to leave now. And he has his child to think of. Still, he's desperate to see you, to hold you, and feel you against him. He cares for Priscilla, that is true, but his heart still belongs to you.

******

You stand there in complete shock that you were able to find a portal here outside the building. You take a deep breath, grab your suitcase, and walk through. Thankfully, he's alone when you appear out of thin air.

"Hi." You say cautiously. He's an absolute vision standing there in his black leather outfit. Your heart is beating so hard and so loud that you wonder if he can hear it. He seems to be trying to decide how to respond. "I'm sorry to just-"

In one step, he's wrapped around you with his lips pressed to yours. He takes your face in his hands and kisses both of your cheeks and then your mouth again. The scent of cologne, sweat, and cigarillos envelops you and you could cry with the familiarity of it. Neither of you has to speak to know what's being communicated. He just holds you and strokes your hair and you rest your head against his chest. You're in this position when one of his guys pokes his head out of the door.

"Hey EP they're... oh shit, sorry." He averts his eyes like you're naked or something. "They need you to come film some more."

"Okay." Elvis speaks into your hair, his voice muffled. "Come watch. I'll find you somewhere to sit."

You pull back away from him and nod. He puts his hand on the small of your back and ushers you inside. He takes your suitcase and stashes it somewhere quickly. Then, he finds you a place to sit and heads back up to the stage.

He records the sit-down portion of the show with his old band and you melt a hundred times. You haven't seen him perform for a real audience before. Its electrifying. In varying waves, your heart is filled with love and affection and then you're so turned on you could crawl up on the stage and fuck him right there in front of all these people.

You fidget with your ring to distract yourself and realize that you wore it here. You really didn't intend to, but you've been wearing it since he gave it to you, so it was habit to put it on this morning. Somewhere inside you, he's still your husband. Priscilla might have his time, but you have his heart. When you have this thought you panic for a second that she's here. You swivel your head around frantically looking for her. From the stage, he notices your mood has changed. He catches your eye and gives you the slightest inquisitive look. You mouth Priscilla? and he shakes his head ever so slightly, so you relax back into your seat. The whole exchange is less than ten seconds long and thankfully, no one notices.

Finally, they finish the set and he's done filming for the night. You stay in your seat, not sure what to do. Should you go to him? Or will he find you? You see him standing in a group of guys laughing and talking. He doesn't seem to be coming for you, so you stand up and walk slowly towards him, without an inkling of what you'll do or say when you get to him. As you get closer, you hear him.

"Nah, guys, not tonight. I have other plans tonight."

"Other plans?" One of the guys looks at him curiously. Just then, you make it to the edge of the group and he notices you.

"Ah, speak of devil. Or angel, rather." He puts his arm around your shoulders in a casual and friendly gesture. "This is y/n. She's an old friend from Tupelo. I told her I'd show her around tonight."

One of the other guys raises his eyebrows and the others shuffle around nervously.

"Oh, calm down boys. She's married." He uses his other hand to hold up your hand and show them your ring.

"Not that that ever stopped you." One of the guys jokes. Elvis moves away from you and play punches the guy that said it.

"Okay, I'll see you guys later." With that, he puts his arm around your shoulders again and walks away. On the way out, he grabs your suitcase and then leads you to the room where he's living in the studio. Once you're inside, he shuts the door and locks it and then wraps himself around you again, kissing you deeply. When he finally pulls back, he looks into your face and laughs softly.

"Good thing you're still wearing your ring."

"Yeah that would've been hard to explain after you told them I was married."

"Yes. They don't need to know it's me you're married to." He leans in and kisses you passionately again. Then he pulls back suddenly. "It is still me, right? You're not here to tell me you married some other guy again, are ya?"

"No, it's still you I'm married to." You respond, laughing. "I am here to tell you something, though."

He looks at you curiously and tries to think of what you could possibly have to report.

"What, honey?" You pull away from him and walk to your suitcase.

"I think it's better if I just show you." You pull out the envelope of pictures and hold it in your hands, your heart pounding.

"Divorce papers?" He eyes the envelope and his eyebrows knit together in concern.

"No! No, not that at all. You should sit down, though." He walks to a chair and sits down carefully.

"You're scaring me, honey." You take a deep breath and look at the ceiling. Then, you extend your arm and hand him the envelope. He opens it cautiously and pulls out the stack of pictures. The first picture is one a nurse took in the hospital of you and John Jessie together right after he was born.

He looks up at you and his face is a mix of shock and confusion. He's not able to say anything, though, so he flips to the second picture. It's one of John Jessie that you took earlier this week.

"You... you had a baby?"

"I did."

"And the baby is this old... oh God." You watch him as he puts the pieces together. He looks at the date on the back of the first one and counts the months backwards. "This is my baby."

"Yes." You almost whisper it and he looks up at you, his eyes glistening with tears.

"I have a son." You're getting choked up now too, watching him.

"You do. His name is John Jessie." He stands up and wraps his arms around you, as the tears slide down his face.

"John Jessie Presley." He whispers into your hair. Then, he sniffs and stands up, looking down at the pictures. He flips through them and smiles, seeing his little boy grow from a newborn to the almost-toddler he is right now. When he gets to the end of the stack, he has a thought.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I didn't want to distract you from Lisa Marie."

"Distract me?!"

"I wanted you to be focused on her." He shakes his head, but he can't argue with it. A different thought occurs.

"Why didn't you bring him with you? Where is he?"

"He's with my mom. I couldn't bring him here."

"Why not?"

"Do I need to spell out the headline for you? Elvis Presley's secret love child?"

"Oh, to hell with that. I want to see my boy."

"Did you forget that you have a wife here? Imagine how she would react."

"Again, I don't really care. He's my child."

"I just couldn't, Elvis. I can't mess with-"

"I swear to God, if you mention the damn timeline of history again, I'm gonna-"

"What? You're gonna what, Elvis?"

"I WANT TO SEE MY CHILD." He yells at you for the first time ever. He's yelled near you before, but never directly at you because he's angry with you. You stand there defiantly, both of you breathing heavily. "Take your clothes off. We're making a portal. You're gonna go get him and come back here."

"I'm not bringing him here."

"Goddamnit, y/n, then why did you tell me?!"

"I don't know. I guess I shouldn't have!" Your eyes begin to well up.

"You're damn right you shouldn't have. Now I get to live with the knowledge that I don't get to raise my own son." With that, the dam breaks and you begin to cry. He's right. You're ready to curl up and die when it hits you and you stop crying and look up at him.

"Come back with me."

"I can't leave Lisa."

"No, not like permanently. Just come with me and see him. The portals reopen right where you left from, right?"

"Yeah I'm always right back where I was when I walked through originally. Unfortunately, because it meant I had to finish filming Spinout-"

"So then I can open a portal for you any time I want and you can come through and see him. Just for a little while and then go back!" His eyes sparkle with excitement and he picks you up and spins you around.

"Haha! Yes! I can be a part of his life!" You nod and he kisses your cheek. "Oh, thank you, y/n. God, I love you. I missed you so much."

"I love you too." He smiles and kisses you tenderly.

Then, he sets you back down on the ground and kisses you again with a renewed hunger this time, his tongue parting your lips and dipping into your mouth. His desire is contagious and before you know it you're tearing at his leather jacket while he kisses your neck. You get it off of his shoulders and rip the shirt up and over his head. He literally tears your dress at the zipper and yanks it off of you. In your uninhibited passion, you sink your teeth into his shoulder and he yelps.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry."

"Do it again." He whispers in your ear. You bite into the skin on his chest and he growls deep in his throat. He removes your bra and panties with an animalistic fervor and throws them across the room. You peel his leather pants off of him as quickly as possible and he tosses you on the couch. In a second, he's pushed into you and is pounding you with a new kind of power and confidence.

"God, yes! Yes!" You yell as he fills you over and over. He holds your hip with one hand and slams into you rhythmically. He grunts and nips at your shoulder.

"You like it when I fuck you hard, baby?"

"Mmmmm harder." You moan.

"Yes ma'am." He listens to instructions and crashes into you even harder. There's a desperate kind of passion in the way he fucks you and it's everything you've needed for the last two years. He's needed it too; you can tell by the pace of his thrusts. He kisses your mouth, hard, and you bite his bottom lip. The way he drives into you is raw and dirty and makes you scream as you come as hard as you ever have while he pumps in and out of you.

"Fuck yes." He grunts through gritted teeth as he continues to pound against your hips while you pulse around him. Finally, he succumbs to the intensity of your sex and shoots you full of his warmth. As he comes, you bite him again on the chest and he lets out a guttural groan that makes you want to climb on top and fuck him again. He's dripping sweat and it mixes with your own as he collapses on top of you, both of you struggling to catch your breath.

The portal appears and he groans and rolls off of you. You scramble off the couch and try to get your clothes together. You cannot find your bra, though, and you have to dig through your suitcase for a new dress since he ruined the one you were wearing. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and gasp. You look like a wild animal with your fucked out eyes and hair everywhere. You're desperately trying to smooth your hair when you hear a small pop and the portal disappears.

"Oh shit." He looks at you and laughs. He stops trying to get dressed, settling for just pants, and drops back down on the couch. He produces a cigarillo from somewhere and pats the couch next to him. You pick up his black shirt and pull it on over your head and then sit next to him, lightly running your fingers over the bite marks on his chest and shoulder.

"I marked you."

"It's a good thing we're going to your time. I can't go home like this." He chuckles and lights the cigarillo, taking a long drag.

"We missed the portal." You say offhandedly.

"I guess we'll just have to have sex again."

"Oh, darn." You respond playfully, taking the cigarillo and putting it in your own mouth.

"I didn't know you smoked."

"I guess I can still surprise you."

"My wife, the mystery." He puts his arm around you and takes the cigarillo back.

You stay like that on the couch for most of the night, just talking and passing the cigarillo back and forth. You tell him all about John Jessie and he tells you about Lisa and how excited he is for the potential future of his career after the special. Eventually you fall asleep on his chest and wake up to a loud knocking on the door.

"Fuck." He sits up quickly.

"We're gonna start recording in an hour, EP. I know you like a warning..."

"Yeah, I'll be there." He hollers and then looks at you and puts his finger on his mouth to indicate that you should be quiet. You stand up and start to pack up your clothes from last night and lay out a dress to put on once the portal is there. He throws some clothes in a bag too and then comes up behind you and kisses your neck.

"I believe we have some work to do." You turn to face him and he kisses you deeply, walking you back to the couch again.

This time you have sex in the most married way possible and laugh at how tame it is compared to last night. But you're both satisfied and it works to make a portal, so neither of you complains. You get dressed and pick up your bags as he takes your hand. After a deep breath, you walk through the portal together and find yourselves outside the studio in 2018.

******

To be continued...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @elvisfatass @elvisalltheway101 @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @rosepresley68 @your-nanas-house @deniseinmn @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @that-hotdog @eddiesgirlforever @helen06dreamer @returntopresley @rjmartin11

#elvis presley fanfiction #elvis presley #elvis fanfic #elvis smut #elvis presley fic #elvis presley x reader #elvis x reader #elvis presley x y/n #elvis fic #elvis fanfiction #elvis x y/n #elvis x you #elvis presley fanfic #elvis presley x you #elvis presley smut #how the web was woven

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dnangelic · 12 hours ago

Text

Get to know the mun ! repost, don’t reblog .

——— BASICS.

[ NAME ] : tsun (short for tsundere)

PRONOUNS : he / him

ZODIAC SIGN : pisces-aries

TAKEN OR SINGLE : single

ANYTHING ELSE ? : my dog is way cuter and more interesting than me

——— THREE SERIOUS FACTS.

you don't have to soften up your muse with me. really. i've written mainly antagonistic/villainous/horror-centric muses in the past so i'd like to at the very last believe i understand at least some of the struggle when it comes to having a muse like that. which isn't to say that daisuke won't still try to appeal to some form of compassion for even the most reprehensible muses because that's just the way that he's built, but nobody has to apologize and worry about hurting me, the mun's feelings for being mean to daisuke. if he wasn't built for helping then he was built for a lil bullying. it's okay. i love to see it <- mean older bro/failboy aficionado syndrome

i don't really do starter calls or memes anymore. the best way to start something with me is to either get at me directly for a thread/plot discussion or if that's too scary just make an ic remark on any random ass post and i'll probably make a new ic post for it. or send me an ask and we can go from there since my askbox is always open. i try to do the occasional inbox call but since i don't like my asks to be overly bland and it takes a whole lotta creativity, i don't do those super often either.

if you don't know something about my muse it's best if you ask. really. seriously. DN 'canon' is scattered in multiple directions and multiple pieces across multiple formats, and most eng speakers have only seen the anime or read the manga, which imo are the two bottom-most "best" formats for grasping what the hell is even going on overall in the series. atp pointing people to either my public vs private knowledge post or my canon divergence post is probably the best i can do to provide a comprehensive list of different 'facts' about how i work my characterization.

——— THREE RANDOM FACTS.

i have in fact been with DN since the early 2000/2010s-ish, around middleschool. i wasn't there when its re-serialization was announced in 2020 or so but the first and second volumes will always be a formative memory for me, and the tokyopop ENG translation set i have (up to book 12) has somehow survived over the course of like at least five different moves. this is also probably why i find sugisaki's original, absolute oldest style the most nostalgic/'best' in a way, if only to me. i've also been a vkei fan since vanan'ice started releasing music, immoral memory lost memory has and always will be my #1 comfort song. no wonder i ended up writing dn charas

i like to cook and bake. baking more than cooking, which is sometimes a problem since i can end up baking more than my family ever eats. i'd love to make DN style parfaits/cake cups sometime, i just don't know who's going to be able to eat all of it laksdjlakgjl. but anything to see icing wiz in a cup for realsies!

my life has been dominated by roguelike/dungeon crawler looter type video games. i've probably got literally like ten billion hours on mabinogi since that was my social system in 2000-2010 range (look i know but it was hot stuff back then ok) and now that elin's been released i've jumped from messing around in elona to there, but put me in front of something in the vein of the whole fate/torchlight series etc and i'm probably clocked out forever

——— EXPERIENCE.

i started a tumblr rp blog as a joke for a friend (now no longer my friend) i'd chat with during ~2015 give or take a year. i didn't even care about the chara at first but i've always loved writing, and i ended up actually getting into said chara and the series they were from to write some more/beyond just sheer crack for my friend. i've never written fic for the same reason that i've never written anything standalone tho, that being i completely lose confidence all the way down to the last drop in my bones

i like deep and firm muse connections. this doesn't necessarily even mean positive ic ones, but i like it best when muses absolutely have something. it doesn't even have to be definite either, like the way satoshi and daisuke's relationship within canon is somehow balancing both a killer rivalry and deep caring friendship and just about everything else they always got goin on in between. it's usually after any sort of dynamic is established that i feel much more comfortable sending unprompted asks too.

i have like 50 tabs open at all times and 600 things in my drafts. i did this to myself. but if i never catch DMs on tumblr it's probably because i never got a notif thanks to the 50 tabs, and if i never catch DMs on discord it's probably because i saw it, got busy, then forgot about it til i checked again and bam it's been like a month and now responding feels too awkward. i'm so bad at personal communication i'm so sorry. use my askbox if it's urgent i swear i've never failed to respond to any of those asap. losing drafts is thanks to the 600 things, but if you want me to dig up something because you miss it and so i can respond to it asap i can always do that too. im literally just too tired to scroll to find shit that isn't my most recent sometimes iawjewahjaiijkrf it's a bad hobby habit i knooooow

——— MUSE PREFERENCE.

i've tried to find the common denominator between all of my muses in the past multiple times and i've never been able to find it. i've written anything and everyone from, like, folklore ocs to meta knight from kirby. in general i like to have a muse that i don't always have to take too seriously though. or that comes off as comedic on the surface but i can still handle in a serious and legitimate/realistic way, ie just like dark and daisuke being clowns and a singular failboy but still just. kids, teenagers grappling with very real uncertainty about themselves and their futures and identities. muses have to have a voice, and i'm very particular about being able to clearly hear my muses in my head and my writing, so if anything that's probably my largest deciding factor.

——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT.

FLUFF : yep

ANGST : yep

SMUT : hell no. idk how many times i have to tell people i don't give a shit how hot you think dark is, he's physically 16-17 and is directly linked to daisuke, who's 14-15. these are minors. there's 2892859864 anime charas who are of age for you to smut with, get away from the middleschoolers!!!

——— PLOT / MEMES : see all the way above. i basically live in my activity notes so it's better to grab my attention somehow through that. i get shy about sending memes and also am just..... not around constantly so checking dash can be annoying. if there's a meme you have a really good idea for and you want me to send it specifically i've got no problem doing that though. love u guys

TAGGED BY : @cherriedrage thanks zaggy!!

#TAGMEME.#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#not tagging steal if u want

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inevitably-johnlocked · 1 year ago

Note

Hello! I hope youll have a lovely day.

Can you recommend some parentlock fics? Especially fics where Rosie is the child.

Thank you!

Hey Nonny!

FANTASTIC, needed another ask for Part 2 of my list! Last week’s Fic Rec list was huge, so I’ve had to split it up; your ask came in so I decided to use it for the next part of my 3 week Parentlock posting spree from my Marked for later list! Check out all these lists and the fics labelled "Post S4" for Rosie-fics, and this community recs post as well :)

Enjoy!

PARENTLOCK Pt. 4B (MFLs, 25K+ w.)

See also:

Parentlock

Parentlock Pt. 2

Parentlock Pt. 3

Parentlock Pt. 4A (MFLs 0-25K w.)

Adoption

Single-Parent Sherlock

Sherlock Soft With Children

By Any Other Name by EchoSilverWolf (E, 26,210 w., 25 Ch. || Post-S4, Parentlock, Fluff, Developing Relationship) – After rebuilding 221B, John and Rosie move back in with Sherlock. Sherlock tries to make life easier for John as a single parent.A shared love of John's daughter slowly brings the two to finally admit to secrets they've both kept for far too long.

A Week in November by JRow (T, 26,987 w., 8 Ch. || Post S4, Military John, Parentlock, First Kiss, Hurt John) – John and Rosie have been living at Baker Street for years. John works part-time at a nearby surgery leaving plenty of time to assist Sherlock with cases. Rosie is brilliant and becoming more amazing everyday. And, in addition to being John’s friend, Sherlock has become an amazing second parent to Rosie. John is happy. Mycroft’s request seems simple enough. Tedious even. So tedious that John can’t understand why Sherlock agreed to it so easily. John is the one with reservations – there must be ways they can help that don’t involve his having to appear as (former) Captain John Watson. But it turns out that questioning a potential spy and providing an "extra set of eyes" at the National Service of Remembrance will prove much more emotional and exciting than John imagined.

I Am His by Jaci4Narnia (E, 27,243 w., 12 Ch. || Omegaverse || Omega Sherlock, Alpha John, Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Sex Slavery, Sexual Abuse, Emotional / Psychological Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Slow Burn, Mpreg, Mating Bond, Abortion, Parentlock, Knotting) – John Watson, a 24-year-old soldier recently returned from service in Afghanistan, is gifted with a young, 17-year-old omega slave named Sherlock. This is the first of a hopefully three-part series dictating John and Sherlock's life together. Both are broken. Both need each other. There will be slow burn-like VERY slow burn. This is a rewrite of my To See a Smile omegaverse fanfic. Part 1 of Precious

A different kind of adventure by curiousbees (E, 27,340 w., 13 Ch. || Omegaverse AU || Omega Sherlock, Alpha John, Pregnancy, Parentlock) – A series of rash experiments at twenty-three left omega Sherlock unable to form a bond or have a child. He never particularly cared, even if he sometimes caught himself wishing after meeting John. Now at 36, this inability is simply another part of who he is, like his intellect or his tendency for addiction. So after one night's loss of logic with his married best friend, he doesn't think to question it. In hindsight, he really shouldn't have taken it for granted.

The mischievous fairies (Fictober 2018) by MorganeUK (G, 28,305 w., 31 Ch. || Magical Realism AU || Parentlock / Rosie, Mutual Pining, Clueless Sherlock/John, Texting, Kissing, Emotional Baggage, Fluff, Heavy Petting, Non-Graphic Smut) – Rosie is tired of how stubborn her dad and her god-father are! She's decided that it's time to do something and she's found the best helpers! Whether she knows it or not…

The mischievous fairies (Fictober 2018) by MorganeUK (T, 28,305 w., 31 Ch. || Mutual Pining, Parentlock, Devious Rosie, Background Lestrolly, Harry Watson’s in This Fic, Protective Harry, Kissing, Clueless Sherlock, Emotional Baggage) – Rosie is tired of how stubborn her dad and her god-father are! She's decided that it's time to do something and she's found the best helpers! Wether she knows it or not...

Catalyst by fortunatelykeendetective (E, 28,379 w., 16 Ch. || Post S3 Divergence, Major Character Death, Death in Childbirth, NICU, Referenced Homophobia, Soft Sherlock/John, Bisexual John, Mutual Pining, Eventual Romance / Sex, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Parentlock, Marriage) – The (canon-divergent) story of how John and Sherlock finally Figured It Out through a whole lot of grief and loss.

Ten Years by toyhto (M, 28,610 w., 5 Ch. || Post S4/TFP, Fake Relationship, UST, Getting Together, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Parentlock) – A friend tells Rosie Watson that her parents aren't together for real, because they don't kiss. But we do, John says.

Beautiful Pictures by JRow (M, 28,713 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4, Parentlock, Case Fic, Angst with Happy Ending) – An adorable (but unacceptable!) photo of Sherlock and Rosie on the Mail online, a stolen Picasso, and a slip of the tongue force John to re-evaluate his long held assumptions.

Becoming Watson and Holmes by black_rose_blade (E, 29,900 w., 12 Ch. || Post-S4, Romance, Jealous John, Friends to Lovers, Experienced Sherlock, Confused John, Parentlock, Sherlock/OMC) – A short story about Sherlock and John finally getting together.

Those Nights We Sought All The Words by ConsultingPurplePants (E, 31,740 w., 16 Ch. || Post-TAB, First Kiss/Time, Declarations of Love, Drama in the Rain, Parentlock, Sherlock Speaks French, Nightmares, PTSD, Mentions of Torture, Psychological Torture) – John has been living with Mary again for over a year with their daughter when he makes a discovery that changes everything. He seeks shelter at Baker Street, but after all this time, will Sherlock take him back?

Afghan Bullets, Beards, and Unlocked Bedroom Doors - The Sequel by addicted2hugh (E, 32,233 w., 9 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It, Virgin Sherlock, Fluff and Smut, Angst, References too Depression, References to Addiction, Reunion, Parentlock (Rosie), John’s Beard, Big Brother Mycroft, Alternating POV, Grief/Mourning, Toplock, References to Suicide, Friends to Lovers, Drug Use, Flashbacks) – This is the sequel to a fic that originally started out as a bit of fun and a lot of smutty fluff, but then ended up inspiring me to think about what might happen after the deed has been done. In short: The boys need to talk. Part 2 of Afghan Bullets, Beards, and Unlocked Bedroom Doors

The Man With the Cartier Frames by JRow (T, 32,447 w., 8 Ch. || Post S4, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Case Fic, Parentlock, POV Sherlock, Sick Child, Pining Sherlock) – Sherlock's top priority is The Work, just as it's always been. His current case is a breeze and will surely be solved quickly. Frank Cleary is obviously having an affair and all Sherlock has to do is find him. And Sherlock will...in between trips to Putney to help with Rosie, collecting Rosie from school, and preparing for Rosie's sleepover at Baker Street.

Development milestones by HOverSeas (M, 33,266 w., 31 Ch. || Post-T6T, Sherlock Whump, Villain Mary, Child Abandonment, Parentlock, Explosion, Isolation, Stab Woind, Unconsciousness, Stitches, Scars, Asphyxiation, Humiliation, Recovery, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump, Happy Ending) – Takes after they come back from Morocco. Mary never died, but her bad decisions still follow her around. John, Sherlock and Rosie need to deal with the consequences.Written for Whumptober 2019. Each chapter is a prompt, posted every day of October.

The Case of The Boy & The Soldier by WhatLocked (T, 36,263 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting AU || Sherlock POV, Sneaky Mycroft, Parentlock, Developing Relationship, Case Fic, Lists, Original Child Character, Parent John, Light Mystrade, Kidnapping) – When one William Watson wanders into the life of one Sherlock Holmes, claiming that his daddy has been taken by bad men, Sherlock finds himself caught up in a rather intriguing case of not only locating the boys father but also in discovering a side of himself that he never knew existed. Part 1 of The William Watson Case Files

(Life is) A Series of Risks by SkipandDi (ladyflowdi) (E, 36,499 w., 4 Ch. || Alternate Universe || Post-TRF, Kid Fic, Parentlock, Temporary Character Death, Established Relationship, Suicidal Thoughts, Grief, Violence, Psychological Trauma, PTSD) – The work comes first. Part 3 of the The Infiltrate Series

Stolen by All_I_need (M, 39,412 w., 14 Ch. || Post T6T, S4 Fix It, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst, Child Abduction, Broken Friendships, BAMF Sherlock, Clueless John) – To save his goddaughter, Sherlock will have to confront his demons - and the man he left behind. [TRANSLATIONS: Русский]

Learning Curve by thpontiacbandit (M, 41,422 w., 22 Ch. || Teacher / Parent AU || America, Fluff and Smut, Parentlock, Frottage) – John is a Kindergarten teacher. One of his students, a boy named Henry Holmes, refuses to speak in school. John is determined to get to the bottom of it, and that is how he meets Sherlock Holmes.

The Lying Doctor by pagimag (E, 44,285 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Fix It, Hurt/Comfort, Past Alcohol/Drug Abuse, Anger Issues, Depressed John, Watson Siblings, Coming Out, Bi John, First Time, Dom/Sub Undertones, Parentlock, Internalized Homophobia, Past Child Abuse, Angst With Happy Ending) – Sherlock and John's relationship is fragile after the events at Culverton Smith’s hospital. John struggles with guilt and anger issues. During a case he decides to visit his aunt, which leads to an unexpected development. He’s forced to reevaluate ingrained behaviours, confront long lasting issues and question how he leads his life.

Shift by stopthat (E, 46,028 w., 31 Ch. || Post S4/Canon, Domestic Fluff, Family Fluff, Light Angst, Unconventional Relationship, Best Friends, POV John, John Being an Idiot, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, First Kiss/Time, Emotional Love Making, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Slow Romance, Love Confessions, Getting Together, Cuddling & Snuggling, Parentlock) – Sherlock is tired. John senses a shift.

Here We Go Again by disfictional (E, 46,687 w., 10 Ch. || Mama Mia-Inspired Fusion || Post-S4, Older Rosie, Alternating POV, Reunion, Retirement, Case Fic, Mutual Pining, Coming Out, Parentlock, Weddings, Fluff and Angst) – Ransacking some old trunks, Rosie Watson finds her father's old journal filled with remnants of a blog he used to keep about his association with Sherlock Holmes. In an attempt to meet the man who had a profound impact on her early years, Rosie invites the long-estranged detective to her wedding under false pretenses.

Crimson Hymns by brilliantlyburning (E, 48,982 w., 9 Ch. || Post-S3/TAB, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Drug Addiction, Unhealthy Coping Methods, Demisexual Sherlock, Boxing, Pining, Sensory Processing Issues, Drug Use, First Kiss / Time, BDSM, Mary is Not Good, Parentlock, Proposal, Happy Ending, Beekeeping, Violence, References to Addiction, Poetry) – He laid his head over John’s heart, eyes level with his silver-rough scar, and listened to the crimson hymns beating beneath the surface. He imagined flowers blooming in his own chest: veins weaving intricate patterns on petals of thin muscle engorged with blood, sinew for stems and tendons for roots—the flowers would be poppies, maybe (addictive) or foxglove (deadly yet useful)—twining gleaming blood-red around the porcelain bone of his ribs. In his mind’s eye the gruesome bouquet all tied together on the left side of his chest, the stems bound together in heartstrings and the flowers fed by the rhythmic contraction of ventricles. It’s yours, he imagined saying to John—from the vena cava to the mitral valve to the arteries it is yours.— Or, the Love Song of W. Sherlock S. Holmes.

Alternative Universe with 221 Bees by fresne (T, 49,089 w., 221 Ch. || Assorted AUs || Assorted Tags, 221B Ficlets) – They are books in a used bookstore, who should not be shelved together. When they aren't socks. Or ice. Or dinosaurs. Or a bee and an ant. Faunlock, Parentlock, Teacherlock or... other things. An iterative series of 221B stories. One 221B per chapter. Last story is told entirely in words starting with B.

How I impregnated your mother by Mildredandbobbin (E, 50,047 w., 13 Ch. || Very Light Dom/Sub Sexy Times, Parentlock, Pregnancy, Infidelity, Angst, Romance, Captain John Kink, Masturbation, Violence, Homophobic Language) – Follow up to 'Maybe in the meantime wait and see'. Set a year later, Sherlock and John are together and things are good, great even...except...Sherlock's in a one sided competition with John's dead wife, John hasn't proposed yet, and now Harry and Clara want Sherlock and John to father their children. Part 2 of the Maybe series

Genius is a Star Whose Light (is Soon to Sink in Endless Night) by LoloLolly (M, 51,812 w., 11 Ch. || Canon Compliant Through TFP, Aftermath of Serbia, Alternating POV, Established / New Relationship, Parentlock, Explicit Torture, Mentions of PTSD, Mentions of Human Trafficking, References to Child Abuse, Violence, Kidnapping, Captivity, Angst with Happy Ending, Fluff, Case Fic, BAMF John, Sherlock Whump, Mycroft and John Work Together) – Sherlock had buried the past. Shut Serbia away in the attic of his mind palace. Muddy footprints at a heinous crime scene, however, have led him right back to old enemies. And right back to captivity. For God’s sake, Mycroft. Part 2 of the Earthly Pomp (Is But a Dream) series

Hold You Like a Weapon by MissDavis (E, 52,522 w., 10 Ch. || Post S4, Friends to Lovers, Parentlock, Childbirth, Toddlers, Canon Compliant, References to Drug Use, POV John, Masturbation, Hand Jobs, Angst with Happy Ending) – Eurus shows up at 221B Baker Street in labour. Things go downhill from there.

Know You All Over Again by PoppyAlexander (M, 53,028 w., 21 Ch. || Post-S3 Canon Divergence, Post-Break Up, Angst with Happy Ending, Therapy, Mary is Moriarty, Ex Sex, Parentlock) – After five good years, one difficult one, and six months that were hell, John and Sherlock live apart but still share custody of seven-year-old Rosie. With therapy, supportive friends, and those inevitable dance recitals and open school days forcing them into each other's paths again and again, anger and bitterness fade, leaving space for a new view of each other across the divide.

Where You Can't Quite Reach by SilverDragon00 (T, 55,338 w., 16 Ch. || Post-TRF, Canon Divergence, Depression, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Son, Panic Attacks, Angst, Bullying, Drama, Teenagers) – Sherlock took his life four months ago, and John's found himself in a pit of self-destruction and depression he doesn't care to climb out of. Then Mycroft shows up with someone John didn't even know existed - Sherlock's thirteen year old son - and asks John to take care of him. John doesn't know if he can handle living with another Holmes, especially this one who looks so like the one he lost. John has to pull himself together and deal with his own emotions, while trying to raise his best friend's teenager. Until everything he works hard to create for them is turned upside down by the one person he never expected to see again. Part 1 of the Oliver Scott 'Verse series

A Change of Heart by SosoHolmesWatson (E, 65,436 w., 20 Ch. || Post-S4 / Canon Compliant, Jealous Sherlock, Past Abuse, Parentlock, Developing Relationship, Idiots in Love, Suicidal Sherlock, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Mollstrade, Coming Out, Love Confessions, Big Brother Mycroft, John’s Childhood, POV Alternating, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Hand Jobs) – After all they have been through, after all the heartbreak and desolation, John and Sherlock want to make their way back to each other, still convinced that friendship is all that can exist between them. Will there be a change of heart? Part 1 of the The Pains of Growing series

Lost In A Good Book by khorazir (M, 68,552 w., 6 Ch. || Magical Realism / Discworld Elements || Post TLD, Miscommunication, L-Space, Developing Relationship, Parentlock, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Bookshop) – After chasing a criminal into a poky second-hand bookshop, John and Sherlock find themselves not only stuck in the building, but in L-space itself. With things still raw and unsettled between them after the events surrounding the Culverton Smith case, this adds another dimension to their predicament, which not only constitutes of finding a way out of the shop (while avoiding getting murdered by the criminal), but also to finally address the issues between them.

Crazy For Love by prettyvk (T, 98,696 w., 34 Ch. || Post-TRF, Parentlock, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Angst) – It starts with five words.“Is my father really dead?” Or maybe, that’s how it ends. Part 1 of the The James Holmes Chronicles series

Multiply (the sum of our parts) by 1electricpirate (M, 103,147 w., 15 Ch. || Post TRF, Kid Fic, Angst, Drama, Emotional Manipulation, Parentlock) – After Reichenbach and in order to 1) Keep Sherlock alive, 2) Keep John alive and 3) Get Sherlock home to England as soon as possible, Mycroft devises a plan that will not only incentivise John's continued sanity and survival but force Sherlock to come running. It is a perfect plan, though perhaps less than ethically sound. He has no doubts that using frozen samples of your younger brother's sperm to create children for his husband to care for falls deeply within the realm of socially unacceptable behaviour, but it is efficient, and that is what matters most. Part 2 of the Applications and Practices of Basic Arithmetic series

Nature and Nurture by earlgreytea68 (M, 203,273 w., 57 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE|| Parentlock, Cloning, Kidlock, Developing Relationship) – The British Government accidentally clones Sherlock Holmes. Which brings a baby to 221B Baker Street. Part 1 of Nature & Nurture

Dear John by BloodSeiryu, FourCornersHolmes & Tindomerelhloni (E, 218,315 w., 130 Ch. || Drug Use/Abuse, Rehab, Pen Pals, Friends to Lovers, First Time, Military Kink, Jealous Sherlock, Alternate First Meeting, Phone Sex, Idiots in Love, Angry John, Falling in Love, Marriage, Switchlock, Anal Sex, Separation Anxiety, Depression, Angst, Depictions of Torture, Prisoner of War, Healing, Parentlock, Happy Ending) – An AU in which Sherlock is in Rehab and is required to write a letter to a random person in the military. John get's it, and they become penpals of a sort. Part 1 of the Dear John Series series

Dearest Life by InnerSpectrum (E, 277,077 w., 82 Ch. || Omegaverse AU || Alpha John, Omega Sherlock, Implied / Referenced Sexual Assault, Slow Burn, Semi-Public Sex, Exhibitionism, Implied / Referenced Rape/Non-Con, Mpreg, Feral John / Sherlock, BAMF John / Sherlock, Parentlock, Pregnant Sex, Kidnapping, Eventual Happy Ending) – Sherlock is an Omega whose Alpha has died severing their bond. Sherlock is depressed for an Omega who lost their mate is considered worthless in their society. If young and fertile, unbonded omegas are sent to breeding camps, forced to bear pups they will never raise; something his brother, Mycroft, will never let happen. Or there is the option of becoming the Second Mate of an Alpha who is already bonded. The omega would be welcomed into the home, bear all the pups the Alpha wished and live comfortably and protected. There is no love and the second's mate place is very low compared to the spouse, but it was better than the alternative. Still mourning his beloved Alpha, Sherlock refuses to be someone else's spouse, let alone a lowly Second Mate, but time is running out before he’s forced to go to the camps. Sherlock is forced to marry John Watson, a wealthy Alpha doctor, who is married to Mary, an infertile Beta. Both of whom hide dark secrets from each other. Part 1 of Dearest Life Universe

Radioactive Trees In A Red Forest by Maribor_Petrichor (E, 280,251 w., 73 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-S4, Suicidal Ideations, Alcohol / Rx Drug Abuse, Coming Out / Bisexual John, Seizures, Past/Referenced/Implied Child Abuse, Hallucinations, Rehab, Celibacy, Sobriety / Relapse, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Psychological Trauma, Nice /Not Anti-Mary, John’s POV, Parentlock, First Time, Angst, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending) – John Watson is what happens when a man can no longer see a reason to go on. John Watson is what happens when a man starts to let go. "It is what it is." John Watson is what happens when what "it is" becomes too much to bear. This is a story of the life, death, and resurrection of John Hamish Watson.

Indefinite Lines by ArwaMachine (E, 298,346 w., 62 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It, Case Fic, Parentlock, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Angst, Fluff, Kissing, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Anal, Switchlock, Violence, Torture, John Whump, Murdered Children Off Screen, BAMF Rosie) – When two lines, inclined towards each other, are extended indefinitely, it is inevitable that they meet. Upon meeting, the lines become something new. Together. Perhaps it’s been like that from the beginning for Sherlock and John—their lives weaving together, inclined towards one another, moving closer and closer to something greater than themselves. But that’s all a bit romantic, isn’t it? On another topic, Sherlock and John find themselves faced with a series of seemingly disparate cases that are growing increasingly connected, increasingly personal. They must unravel the mystery laid before them by a particularly ruthless set of criminals before the danger is upon them, or else run the risk of being cleaved apart forever, lines scattered to the wind.

The James Holmes Chronicles by prettyvk (E, 338,222 w. across 7 Works || Post TRF Divergence || Implied / Referenced Child Abuse, Parentlock, Grief/Mourning, Angst and Fluff, Suicidal Thoughts, Past Sexual Abuse) – It starts with five words. “Is my father really dead?” Or maybe, that’s how it ends.

The Men Who Talked Between the Words by Odamaki (E, 463,024 w., 30 Ch. || Parentlock, UST/URT, Pining Sherlock, Grieving John, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Slow Burn/Build, Case Fic, First Kiss / Time, Implied/Referenced Suicide & Drug Use, Slow Burn, Sherlock Whump, Panic Attacks) – John expected to be a father some day; he expected to have the house, and the wife and the nice suburban job. Sherlock never expected to have children, in part because he never expected to make it past 30. As it turns out, you don't get a choice. Crammed into Baker Street with a baby, John struggles with single-parenthood and his own fears, while Sherlock treads the fine line between doing too little and saying too much.

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #parentlock #parentlock with rosie #long post #my fic recs #to read #long fics

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erikiara80 · 11 months ago

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Analysis of the Hawkins Post article in S3: twelvegate, Willel, gates and more

I just love analyzing the newspapers.

Finalmoondragon pointed out that in the article Larry is reading in S3, the name of the Mayor is different: Brian Williams. This is like when Hopper says that Martin Brenner runs the lab (1x03), but the name in the article is Richard Brenner. Like the different articles in 1x08 and 2x01, or when Robin reads Vengeful demon killed family, but the title is "Ancient demon", after she and Nancy mention Elvis cloned by aliens. Imo, another hint at different timelines/time loop. Like Henry's line: 'Each life a lesser copy of the one before'. Or the Horoscope in 4x01: 'in the year following your birthday, sending your copy...'

When Steve, Dustin and Lucas talk about Vecna, they even show both the titles. That's why I think these are hints, not errors.

Ok. So, there are so many interesting things in the S3 article. Many mentions of 11 and 12, doors (gates), heat and water, the elements associated with Will and El. Nancy, and even Clarke.

First line: the country's 209th birthday. Birthday, 209= 11

Then the Mayor's name: Brian Williams, not Larry Kline. Plural, like the name engraved on the grandfather clock. Williams is the judge of the competitive Float Contest, and the winners will be announced around 12 noon. So, the article starts with a mention of 11, then Williams and 12. This is really about Willel.

And there are other possible connections. The other judges are: Sherry Milbourne and Robert Franklin. Milbourne-> "mill near a stream" -> the Forever Clock that Dustin gives to Will looks like a mill. And Franklin is also mentioned along with a man named Martin.

Williams, twelve, a mill (Forever Clock), Martin (Brenner), (Upside) Down. And re-elected Judge Franklin might also be a hint at both time loop and powers. Franklin-> Benjamin Franklin-> lighting, electricity, powers. The lifeguard in 3x03: "No one in the pool until 30 minutes after the last strike. You wanna get electrocuted, go climb a tree."

Secretive task... had to move the location... creating new locations for the launch point... Hint at the new gate beneath the Mall?

This is even more interesting. There are two people with the same last name, Fuchs. They must be related, and they both mention kids. I think they represent Joyce, Hopper and their kids, Will and El. Nancy(*) Fuchs and the frequent pool-goer Jeff Fuchs, who says about the pool: 'The pool water did look a little murky, but I figured it was just from kids tracking dirt into the water.'

Fuchs is a german last name that means fox. EDIT: This could be a reference to Michael J. Fox, who plays Marty in Back to the future. Will wears Marty outfit in S1-> so the Fuchs could really represent Willel's parents, Joyce and Hopper. But the fact that it's a german name could be a reference to BTTF as well. Doc's family immigrated from Germany in 1908 and changed their name from Von Braun to Brown in WWI.

(*) If Nancy and her family are related to the Creels... another connection to time.

Also, possible reference to the experiments conducted by Nazi doctors on twins, and a connection to Dr Brenner? There's a mention of a german name connected to him in S1. Interestingly, the english variant of that name is Shepard, the guy killed in the UD that Brenner calls son. I don't think he was really his son, but it's an interesting detail, and that scene in a flashback in 4x08, when El and Brenner talk about Henry.

Anyway, sometimes the name Fuchs is used to describe someone with red hair. A possible connection to Barb, Nancy's friend, who has many parallels with El. Barb died in a pool, El is associated with water. And there are many hints throughout the show that something bad might have happened to her in a lake in the past (my car crash theory)

Nancy Fuchs works for Parks and Recreation. Here a mention of 11 and family. I really think the Fuchs represent the Hoppers, and their life is really an Obstacle Course, lol

But back to the pool, the owners are also related, and one of them is named Steve. In S3, Steve and Robin are the "twins", Tweedledee and Tweedledum. They're too connected to water (the sailor outfits), they're the ones who talk about Back to the future and time travels, and they get stuck beneath the town (the UD). Here some hints at the UD and One, and mentions of doors and leaks.

I'm also intrigued by these mentions of 1-2 (1-2 days, 1-2 surprises) because Murray seems confused about how many keys they need to close the gate. One, no, sorry, two keys. I think this could mean that everybody knows about El's powers but Will is the big surprise. The other key to save the world. Also, firework? Willel are associated with fireworks. They are the Satan's babies...

Mother of two, hm

Other 11 and 12 mentions: 39 still in Beirut... 6:15 am and 11 am... Precautions should be taken to prevent heat stroke among people over the age of 65 and under 12...

...Take time to partecipate in indoor or outdoor activities, like the pool and the Riverforest Zoo (UD?)... Explore your backyard (like the shed? Or is it a reference to the past?) Remember your Hawkins pride...

There is a mention of Lover's Lake and the library, which I'm sure will be important in S5.

And a mention of a girl, Stacey Clarke. S. Clarke. Interestingly, she's 13, like Georgie, the kid mentioned in 3x01 (I'm thinking about Henry "George Smith" Creel) S. Clarke has her whole routine planned out to audition for one of the fifteen spots...

Talent show, kids who have to prove their skills, 15 spots. This reminds me of the lab kids. Yeah, I have some thought about Mr Clarke and his role in the story...

So much to think about

#twelvegate #willel twins #will byers #el hopper #jopper #joyce byers #jim hopper #timeline theory #time loop theory #henry creel #mr clarke #st analysis #st theory #stranger things

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hauntedwoman · 4 months ago

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tagged by @youngestdaughtersyndrome and @glassangels (thank you <3333)

are you named after anyone ? yes i'm named after my nana !! (my full name is margaret hehe)

2. when was the last time you cried? a couple of weeks ago when i was saying goodbye to my cousin who moved out of state w her boyfriend so he can complete his residency for med school................. partly bc i miss her a lot but also bc i genuinely feel like i am never going to experience healthy romantic love i feel like it wasn't made for me HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

3. do you have kids? does my cat count bc i raised her from a little baby kitten she was so tiny she fit in the palm of my hand :3

4. what sports do you play/have played? i was on a swim team all throughout junior high and high school and sometimes i miss just mindlessly swimming laps and getting lost in the pure muscle memory of it but then i remember getting up at 5am on saturdays to go to meets and i realize i can live without it 5. do you use sarcasm? my favorite show is daria u tell me

6. what's the first thing you notice about someone? usually eyes or clothing. living in a place where it's rare to find other ppl my age that dress "alt" i'm always looking for ppl that have interesting personal style.

7. eye color? not to be some annoying white girl on main but they change depending on what i'm wearing. they're usually either blue or gray or a teal color.

8. scary movies or happy endings? considering nothing in my life has ever worked out the way i want it to i can't relate to happy endings. almost all of my favorite films have heavy horror or psychological thriller aspects

9. any talents? i'm a pretty decent singer. i was trained classically and sang in choirs for like seven years, so i also know how to read music. other than that i think i'm really good at interior decorating or just being able to make things "aesthetically pleasing". i also think i'm a pretty good writer and that i manipulate language in a really unique form that gives way to a really clear voice in my work.

10. where were you born? simferopol, ukraine

11. hobbies? journalling, staring into the void, photographing/exploring abandoned buildings, grieving, making playlists for every emotion i've ever felt, clinging onto a past that everyone else has forgotten about except me, reading books that make me feel like i need a lobotomy, antique shopping, blackberry picking, sunbathing, being a heinous bitch

12. any pets? i have two cats (phantasma and smokey), and then my mom and sister have four dogs between the both of them so i am constantly living in autistic hell (they never stop barking and chewing up my stuff)

13. height? 5'4" (162.5cm) i'm so sorry to expose myself as Tiny i know i give off Tall Energy

14. favorite school subject? overall i'd say english but i've also thoroughly enjoyed a bunch of different courses i've taken in college like stage makeup, medieval and modern theatre, and all of my creative writing courses

15. dream job? i simply do not dream of labor but since i can only get a serotonin rush from buying clothes i don't need it would be pretty swaggy if i could be a published author or if i could work in the music industry somehow, perhaps at a radio station with my own radio show or even making my own music. i also deeply miss my job at the used bookstore i had during the worst summer of my life. something about being surrounded by books all day is so comforting.

tagging: @arunima @symptomofloves @discoidal @diabolicjoy @severrance and anyone else that wants to do this <33

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kara-knuckles · 10 months ago

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The more I think about Ines's life before she ended up in Kazdel, the more horror-esque my headcanons get.

I don't have a set age for her, but I think she was somewhere in the 10-12 range when Hoederer found her. I also put their meeting to January-February of 1079, which aligns with her 19 years of battle experience and gives me over a year of her life in Leithanien after the Witch King's death to think about.

I think her family were supporters of the Witch King, so they were in trouble once his reign ended and the bloody purge followed. They probably moved around a lot within the next year, until they finally decided to leave the country.

And just imagine how it would feel from little Ines's perspective. The adults in her life probably wouldn't go into too much detail about what was going on, but she could tell something was very wrong thanks to her Arts. And then she started noticing that every time they moved there were more oddities. Perhaps the number of servants around her dwindled over the months. Maybe she brought up some family friend and got a really odd reaction from her parents. What if one night she was awoken and told to just run and to not ask any questions, and she could swear she saw some people in masks on her way to the next safe location.

And all this time she could sense emotions of people around her. She is no mind reader, and I don't think she has a flawless understanding of what she sees in the shadows (on the contrary, I think she would misinterpret some emotions due to her age and inexperience), but she could still tell that there is rising anxiety, that the people who are supposed to take care of her are angry and terrified, and that there is some vague, unseen something that chases them.

And the reason I put her Kazdel misadventures at the start of the year is because I want her last days in Leithanien to be during early December. There is a certain bit of real life Austrian folklore I want to include, namely, the figures of Krampus and Saint Nicholas. I think, on Terra they would be represented by a Sarkaz and a Sankta respectively, and may or may not be a part of pro-Sankta/anti-Sarkaz propaganda.

And, like, little Ines probably never believed in any of the popular childhood characters. She could feel that the people in costumes weren't who they say they were, that Krampus wasn't even played by a real Sarkaz, and that there was no malice when someone would chase the kids to "punish" them. But this was the closest a relatively sheltered child would have for a picture of who Sarkaz were, and this image would be strong due to being one of the last things she experienced in her homeland. And I think it would help her to deal with her attackers. After all, it is easier to hurt someone when they are some fairy tale monsters.

But in reverse it means that she had a harder time reconciling that Sarkaz were indeed people. Ines was likely very sick during her first weeks in Kazdel, and her feverish mind was probably going into different extremes as she was receiving help from the people she saw as inherently evil. One moment she would think "Hoederer is nice, maybe if he covers his ears and doesn't open his mouth he can kinda-sorta pass as a Leithanian", and the next would be "no, no, no he is one of these devils who hurt me, he is an enemy".

And as she would learn to accept the Sarkaz as people, it would strengthen her dysphoria towards her own race. After all, how is she any different from them? She lives under the same roof, eats the same food, shares the same troubles. Back in Leithanien she probably spent most of her time studying things that were mostly useless to her, but in Kazdel life is urgent and from the get-go she was more involved in everything than she ever was before. She was a part of Kazdel and one of its people, so she started trying to be Sarkaz, since this was who she saw herself as.

#Arknights #Ines #Ines Arknights #i also headcanon that her birthday isn't actually 19th of February #rather it is the date she either got to Kazdel or met Hoederer #so it is a more symbolic 'birthday' of Ines the Sarkaz #i have a pretty solid picture in my head about Ines pre-Kazdel #so i decided to write this down #compare this to my Victoria headcanons #where i can't even decide #if i want her to operate fully from the shadows #or to have a fairly visible social life #so she could personally interact with nobles and such #theories and headcanons

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user-rui · 2 years ago

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Soulmate!Seme!Male!Reader x Soulmate!Uke!Male!Insert

(U/n) = Uke name

(Y/n) = Your name

This is a text that has you inserting yourself and another male of your choice. Put anyone you want maybe it'll work out (though I've written it with male x male in mind). Also cross posted on Ao3 right here.

Soulmate AU: There are a few different versions but the one I'm doing is where an hour before the new year a red string will appear on two soulmates' pinkies (if one's soulmate is not born or dead, it will not appear). The string will disappear once it turns to the new year. Might experiment with other versions in the future. Enjoy~

-(Y/n)'s POV-

Hi! My name is (Y/n) (Seme last name) and I'm one of your average members of society. Nothing too special about me, just working my ass off to pay bills... like everyone else. This year is the 14th year I've been trying to find my soulmate. Yeah, I know. I've managed to miss my soulmate for 14 years. Whoever my destined partner is is gonna murder me once I find them. Honestly, after missing them for the fourth year, I kinda gave up and just took up the fact that I would be forever alone.

All of my friends had found theirs within the first or second year. But this lonely feeling in my heart kept on growing and growing and I really couldn't bear it anymore. I've earned enough money to live relatively well for the rest of my life, but money isn't going to get me a partner. Which is why I'm out at 12:46 right now, desperately following a glowing red string to wherever it'll take me.

I turned a sharp corner and stopped myself just in time before rushing out onto the busy streets. "Holy shit, how much further?" I growled, looking down at my watch as I waited for the street light to change. 11:57... I'm gonna miss it again... I thought as I started to dash again. "5! 4! 3! 2! 1!" Fucking- "Happy new year!!"

Fireworks were set off as I turned a corner, praying that the string wouldn't fade away. But I was still too late, the once glowing red string faded into nothingness. I was too busy watching it to notice another person turning the corner as well. "Ow!" He and I yelp simultaneously. Rubbing my head, I looked up, wincing slightly to see what I had bumped into. Coincidentally, the other person also looked up and we made eye contact. His (uke eye colour) eyes are beautiful…

A worried (and angelic, might I add) tone suddenly broke my train of thought. "Are you okay?" he asked, sticking out his hand so I could grab it. "Hm? Oh yeah, I'm fine. How about you?" I answered, taking his hand and pulling myself up. "No major injuries," he chirped, releasing my hand and dusting a bit more snow off of his legs. "Just a bit wet."

We went to a nearby hotel (cause they have laundry service there) and got a room. While our clothes took their sweet time getting clean, the male, who's name I learned is (U/n), and I talked a bit about the situation from before. He said that ever since he was born, there had been a red string every year and he was desperately trying to find his soulmate.

"That's quite some courage. What are you going to do if you can't find your soulmate?" His (uke eye colour) orbs had a hint of question as he thought about it. When he answered, he said: "As long as the string is there, I’ll make sure I find them!" I chuckled at his enthusiasm and got up to check on the washed and dried clothes. "You'll definitely find your soulmate before I do."

Another year has passed and it was about time single pringles would run around the streets trying to find their other half. I had been working out, along with (U/n) who decided that we should keep in contact. I was ready for this annual run, and I was determined to reach the finish line this time. (U/n) said he wanted to try a different neighbourhood and wanted to test his luck there, so I drove him there and dropped him off.

I found a crowded plaza close to him and parked my car, waiting for this ghost of a red string to appear once again. I dozed off thinking about what my significant other could look like. It would be nice if they had (uke hair colour) locks and stunning (uke eye colour) orbs... whoever it is could also have (uke skin tone) skin and be (shorter, taller, about the same height) as/then me...

I felt a rush of wind go past me as I see others running about the plaza, following what I see as nothing. I looked down and saw my own red string and snapped out of my thought. "Oh fuck, precious seconds I'm never getting back..." I cursed as I joined the crowd, running. Wind rushed through my sweat filled hair as I ran around the streets following the thin red string as it took me to... the neighbourhood I dropped (U/n) off at?!

"Damn it... if I knew they’d be here I would've stayed with (U/n)... What a waste of time..." I muttered, following the string, winding up and down the long roads to find (U/n) being harassed by a group of shady looking people.

"Come on! Just give in already! Your soulmate doesn't want you anymore so just stay with us! We'll make you feel so good!"

I rushed over and punched the bitches in their ugly ass faces and snatched (U/n) back from them. "Fuck off! He has a soulmate and it definitely isn't any of you!" Those very shady people must've seen my angry expression cause it didn't take them three seconds before they were running for their lives. After scaring them off, I looked down at (U/n), who was currently holding the sleeve of my jacket. “Did they hurt you anywhere?” I worriedly asked. "N-no... (Y/n), look at your- I mean our hands..."

I looked down and finally saw what I've been wanting to see for at at least a decade. The end of my red string was attached to none other than (U/n), who was admiring our hands like an art sculpture in a museum. His (uke eye colour) eyes were sparkling in the night, as he mumbled, "so maybe it was fate that we bumped into each oth- Mph?!"

I grabbed his face and hastily connected it with mine, just as fireworks fired off signaling the end of another year. Except this year would be the start of an everlasting relationship, bound together by lovely red strings of fate.

#bxblove #bxb #fluff #soulmates #soulmate au #oneshot #x reader #seme male reader #cross posted on ao3 #original story #reader insert #original work #red string of fate #red string au

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quickspinner · 1 year ago

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Indelible - Ch 23 Terminal

I'm changing my name and moving to an isolated cabin in the woods before everyone comes after me. 😂

I also regret to say the next chapter is not one where I had parts written ahead of time so it may take a bit to resolve this mystery I've left you with, but I have some scheduled free time coming up so I hope it won't be *too* long.

He wasn’t used to living alone.

He hadn’t ever had occasion before to consider it, but it was a fact. He had shared a room with Juleka until he left home. There was no privacy in the whirl of Jagged’s retinue, and even in the off times between tours, Luka had spent most of his time traveling, working with various mentors Jagged had connected him with, or otherwise getting experience in different areas of the music business. It felt like a large part of the last year had been spent trying to find time to himself, and now—

Well, he had it. Dingo had moved in with Bri for the off season, or until she got sick of him and kicked him out, whichever came first. Luka hadn’t wanted to intrude on Juleka and Rose for months, and now the little studio apartment he had rented felt…very quiet. He left his two small windows open to let in the street noise when it got too much for him.

He played, of course. He played, and he tried to write, and the pen shook in his hand, knowing that his whole future and the future of everyone who was betting on him would depend on what he wrote. He paced the small space, and he took long walks, and he sat in the park and ate in cafes and tried to remind himself why he loved Paris. He showed up at the studio and at band meetings when he was required to, but his answer was always the same when they asked him how the new album was coming. “I’m still working on it.”

He missed Marinette. She would have been so excited for his first apartment alone, no matter how small it might be. She would have made him floor pillows and curtains while he pretended to protest through his laughter. She would have filled the room with her larger than life personality and even after she left, her energy would linger in him, spurring him to at least tack up some pictures of his loved ones, and he’d be smiling as he tried to work out his plan for the new album, even if it frustrated him.

She wasn’t answering his calls at all, now. Not since Kagami had gone to see her. Luka had finally called Kagami, and when he finally got through her layers of assistants, the flat way she had answered the phone made him change his question to, “Are you okay?”

That seemed to take her off guard, and she answered softly, “I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. Were we ever really friends, Luka?”

“That bad, huh?”

“No…no, not exactly. It was just—it felt like I was having lunch with Adrien instead of Marinette. Like she was reading a script. She just kept… smiling …”

She couldn’t see his slow nod, of course.

“Was it ever real?” Kagami asked. “Did I just imagine it was different with her?”

“No,” Luka promised her, but it was all the reassurance he could give.

“Are you sure you can’t…” Kagami trailed off, and it took him a moment to realize she wouldn’t continue, so accustomed was he to her clipped, precise speech.

“No,” he whispered. “I can’t. I told her a long time ago I would always respect her choices. I can't go back on that now.”

If his work had been slow going before, it had practically dragged to a halt since that conversation. There was only the quiet, and the sense that he was waiting. For something to happen. For something to change.

And now…

Luka sat at the tiny second-hand table he used for both eating and working, and stared at the blank white wall without seeing it.

Some days he hated himself for asking her to put her name on him. Maybe if he hadn’t, he’d think they were still fine. Still friends. Maybe he’d still believe what she told him last time he saw her—that they were good. Still good.

Luka glanced at the magazine on the counter next to him and shoved it away. He picked up his glass and took a large swallow. Only water. He didn’t trust himself with anything stronger right now.

He wondered if she ever hated him for putting his mark on her. She always kept it covered, either with her clothes or her hair, only the edges peeking out here and there in all her press photos.

For his privacy, she had once explained.

Was that still why?

Luka was sure it was as dark as it had ever been. The less she thought of him, the more he thought of her. Did she hate him for that?

Did she even think about him enough to hate him?

His hand bunched the fabric of his shirt over his side and he sighed.

The ring of his phone wasn’t at all unexpected. Luka picked it up, figuring he might as well get it over with.

“Hey,” he said dully.

There was a gusty sigh on the other side of the line. “You saw it, didn’t you.”

“Yeah.” At least when she’d been dating Adrien, she’d cared enough to call him personally. Now he didn’t even warrant a phone call for one of the biggest events in her life.

“And now you’re moping around telling yourself how you’re glad she’s happy.”

“I am glad she’s happy.” If she even was happy. He had his doubts, looking at that picture, at the model-perfect smile on her face and the careful posing of her hand to show the glittering ring. At her blond, smirking fiancé with a face that was far too similar to another one he remembered. What are you doing, Marinette?

“You’re so full of shit.”

“Sure, Ding,” Luka sighed.

“Look, Lu, I don’t know what changed between you guys, but this...thing, isn’t good for you anymore.”

Luka grunted, not especially interested in Dingo’s opinion of his love life, or lack thereof. He drew circles in the condensation his glass had left on the countertop. He still loved her, yeah, but right now…he’d give a lot just to have his friend back.

“Lu,” Dingo said, his voice uncharacteristically serious. “Finish the song.”

Luka froze, stomach turning to ice.

“Finish it, perform it, record it,” Dingo said firmly. “Tell her all the things you’ve been holding back all this time. Get it—” He paused, and didn’t say get it out of your system, for which Luka was grateful.

Luka pressed his lips together, and swallowed the lump in his throat. “You think?”

“Yeah. It’s time, mate.”

Luka’s shoulders hunched, and he gradually folded in on himself until his forehead rested on the table. It was cold, he noted absently.

“Lu?”

“I’ll think about it,” Luka sighed.

“Don’t think about it,” Dingo advised, “Just do it. Your work sucks when you think. Just…get it out. You’re going to choke on it if you don’t, anyway.”

Luka snorted softly. “I gotta go,” he said, quietly, and didn’t wait for an answer as he hung up the phone. He put it carefully on the table next to him, and folded his arms around his head. His breathing had gone shaky and it was loud in spite of the road noise and raised voices coming through his window. Some detached, blank corner of his mind listened to the rhythm of his harsh breaths drowning out the sound of the world rolling by, listened to the rhythm change as his eyes began to sting, listened to it become stuttery and uneven as breaths became sobs. Later, when he could play, when he could hear the music again, he would need that rhythm. But for now, it just felt...silent. Empty. No music. No color.

No smiles, no laughter. No stuttering, no crescendo to that’s not what I meant, Luka! and no sighs of exasperation that always ended in comforting hugs given and received. No late night calls, no trading frustrations and mock threats. No quiet whispering of fears that couldn’t be admitted beyond the quiet space beyond the two of them.

He had to let all that go. She had let him go, and he had to respect it.

But it hurt. It hurt a lot, and he sat with his head down on his tiny table and cried, mourning the loss of something that had been such a huge part of his life.

***

In the end, he wrote a whole album full of songs. He wrote hopeful songs. He wrote sad songs. He wrote angry songs. He wrote his love and his heartbreak and he didn’t stop until it was all out. He wrote it, he recorded it, he performed it, throwing his entire self into his work, both the recording and the performing. Night after night he relived his heartbreak in front of crowds of screaming strangers, and every night he went back to his hotel room feeling like he’d left a piece of himself on stage, wondering if he left enough pieces then it wouldn’t hurt anymore, or when the repetition would finally dull the pain. He fell asleep exhausted and woke up empty, and somehow had to find it in himself to do it all again.

Critics praised his musicality. Fans gushed about his sincerity and passion (and, of course, his good looks). Gossip magazines passed rumors of conflict in the band, affairs with his personnel, and speculated on his diet and weight changes. They published pictures of him haggard and depressed with theories about his deteriorating mental state, and gleefully predicted the band’s downfall when the bass player left, or was kicked out, depending on the “source.” Ticket sales soared through it all.

And then when the tour was over, proclaimed a wild success, Luka Couffaine disappeared. Vanished from the music scene like he had never been. A sabbatical, his publicist assured the press and his disappointed but devoted fans. He’d be back, recharged and ready to create.

A breakdown, suggested the tabloids. Maybe even a drug spiral. They published photos of him with his head in one hand and a bottle of pills in the other. Maybe he was in some celebrity rehab facility somewhere. His fans scoffed. Everyone knew he struggled with headaches, ever since he had had to stop a show in Sweden to ask them to change the lights. He had admitted it and everyone loved him for his vulnerability and humanity. Addicted to prescription painkillers, countered the tabloids, to the outrage of Luka’s defenders.

His representatives only reiterated what they had always said, and the press’s search for him went nowhere. Eventually, they ran out of news, or even rumors. Fans mourned and hoped by turns.

But the entertainment industry moves quickly, and before too long, Luka Couffaine was forgotten.

Fiction Master Post

#quickspins #then quick hides😂#indelible #lukanette #endgame lukanette #lukanette endgame #luka couffaine #marinette dupain-cheng #miraculous ladybug #miraculousladybug #pro lukamari

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ethaninthewilde · 4 months ago

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my experience with top surgery

with Dr. Lisa Friederich in Sydney, Australia

because i needed to write about this beautiful, ethereal experience, even though I do not think I can do it justice in words.

so i had pedicle top surgery with dr. lisa friederich at hunters' hill hospital three days ago and it went as amazing as I ever could have hoped. incredibly beautiful results that have me made me cry with happiness multiple times.

I went in at 8am, the surgery lasted about 4 hours and I woke up about two hours after. i was pretty wiped but my boyfriend was there when i woke up and he just kissed me and i went back to sleep. i woke up again about seven hours later, probably with a 2/10 pain, but that's as bad as my pain has been this whole time and i've been prescribed oxycodone to take as needed (no more than one per four hours) with panadol and that's worked wonders. the drains were attached and there was a little more fluid than i was expecting but that was okay. the nurse came in to take my blood pressure, temperature, oxygen levels, and check my drains. i took some oxycodone and was asleep again in the next hour or so. woke up again around 4am feeling much more myself. managed to walk myself to the bathroom (a big thing for me post-major surgery since I really struggle to walk sometimes) and I saw my chest in the compression binder for the first time. i was so so happy with it being flat and i couldn't stop running my hands over the flat (flat! flat!!!!) surface and i took a lil video of myself and i truly think i will remember that moment forever as the most confident i have ever felt in my body--and i hadn't even seen my actual chest yet.

as euphoric as I was, I was still pretty tired so I went back to bed and called the nurse for some more endone bc I could feel the pain starting to come back. all the nurses that came in the two days I was in the hospital were truly so kind, and so competent and lovely. I did get deadnamed a few times, but I haven't legally changed my name yet so that's what was on my documents, and the nurses who did it all apologised and fixed it so that was wonderful. the nurse took my levels again--everything was fine--and i called my friends who were in different timezones and i cannot describe how it felt to sit with my friends who I'd been talking about getting top surgery with for nearly eight years and now it was just done and my god everything felt so beautiful and it's cliche but everything in life was worth it for these last few days post-op. i had been working toward this surgery for so so long, moved across the country for it, worked four jobs at 15 for it, been homeless for it, had the thought of eventually being able to get this surgery keep me alive for so long when i was alone, depressed, suicidal and self-loathing--and i had finally made it. i finally fucking made it. i was fucking beautiful and i had made it and i finally felt loveable. i finally felt like myself. trans joy is godhood. trans joy is lifesaving. i truly believe this surgery saved my life.

anyways!! i was awake for a few hours until about seven am when i went back to sleep until about 11. my boyfriend was coming to pick me up around 12 after he finished work so i called the nurse in to let her know and she gave me some more endone and removed my first drain. this felt very weird, like a tube was being pulled from the top of my chest through the side, almost alien-like, and i felt a little dizzy and lightheaded so the nurse put an oxygen mask on me and laid the bed down for about five - ten minutes until i felt better. she was really patient which was lovely because i get regular seizures and whenever i get dizzy I always get scared one is coming since it's a regular warning sign, but she just let me lie there with my eyes closed and focus on my breathing. at this point my boyfriend had turned up, and he held my hand whilst she took the other drain out, which had considerably less fluid in it.

i saw the surgeon again before I was discharged--and Dr. Lisa is genuinely one of the kindest, well-conducted doctors I have ever dealt with (and I have been in hospital over 35 times in the last 7 months or so). she replaced the top layer of clear dressing over my nipples, and worked a needle through them to de-congest some of the blood, which turned them back to the more-typical pink. she then gave me a fresh binder and gauze pads to take home, along with a box of oxycodone for the pain and told me to book a follow-up appointment with her in the next seven days. she also told me to do regular compressions of the nipple area to continue decongesting the blood over the next few days, which would help with the colour. now this was the moment because i got to take the binder off to do these compressions and i saw my chest for the first time. and truly, truly, truly--the innate, inherent holy shit, that's me feeling that fucking swept through was overwhelming i teared up and almost hugged my surgeon. i didn't have a lot of time to contemplate bc I had to put the binder back on and the nurse came back in with the paperwork and suddenly I was packing up (though they were very kind and said i could stay for as long as I wanted to, if I had any more questions, etc.)

boyfriend made me food when we got home and insisted I go to bed despite feeling completely fine if a bit tired still, so I did and we watched an episode of drag race. we're staying at his parents' place whilst i'm recovering and both of his parents are/used to be nurses so this was a reassurance if anything were to go wrong. i had soup for dinner that night which hurt my throat a little but the main issue is was the massive bruise on the inside of my lip from when i was intubated in surgery (which should go away in the next few days, but to me has honestly been the most frustrating part of this whole recovery). took some panadol and endone and did my compressions. taking off the binder and being able to look at my chest properly for the first time was the most tender moment of my entire life, with ethan whispering "you're so beautiful" and "baby, you made it" and "look at you, love, holy shit" into my ear and into my shoulder as i sat there, completely exposed, completely vulnerable, bandaged, and completely myself for the first time in my life. i think i spent about 45 minutes just going back and forth between him and the mirror, laughing and crying and laughing and just being so indescribably euphoric and overcome with it all. i'd finally made it. here, right now, even with all my unresolved medical issues and trauma and fears, i had everything i had ever wanted and it was real. it was REAL. i do not think i will ever feel that strong of a sense of peace and contentness again in my life. in that moment i felt unbreakable. in that moment i felt invincible, indestructible, fucking untouchable. i fucking made it, and no one could take that away from me. no one, nothing, ever. i had saved my life. i had saved my own life. i was here and i was real and i was finally myself. how do i explain this? i cannot keep repeating this but it seems the only way. lord, if only you could feel the godhood i have been given. the power i have in my hands. the power this body has.

it took me too long to realise how beautiful this trans body of mine is. but i am here now. i am never letting go.

dr. lisa friederich: i think you saved my life. thank you for bringing me back. thank you. thank you. thank you. i finally made it.

[i will add to this over the next few days, but right now i need to go back to sleep. i love you all]

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theweirdspacejellyfish · 4 months ago

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Dudded Anime recs that you should check out @:≈

A sign of affection- 12 episodes, romance/comedy

Summary: Yuki Itose is a hearing impaired university student whose world has been shrouded with silence since birth. She has lived in the same place her whole life, and rarely interacts with others save for her best friend, Rin Fujishiro. During her commute one day, she meets the silver haired and multilingual Itsuomi Nagi, a mutual friend of Rin. Unlike most, Itsumoi is unwavering when he learns of Yuki’s impairment; this, along with his experiences abroad, fascinates and touches her. After they part, her fondness of him starts to grow. A new world begins to open for both Yuki and Itsuomi as they learns about each others different lives

Yuri!!! On ice - 12 episodes, comedy,/slice of life

Summary: the shows story revolves around Yuuri Katsuki, who carried all of Japan’s hopes on his shoulders to win at the Gran Prix Finale ice skating competition, but suffered a crushing defeat. He returns home to Kyushu and half feels like he wants to retire, and half feels like he wants to continue ice skating. With those mixed feelings swirling inside him, he confines himself inside his parents house. Suddenly the five time consecutive world championship ice skater Viktor Nikiforov appeared before him, and along with him is Yuri Plisetsky, a young Russian figure skater who is already defeating his seniors. Viktor and both Yuris take up the challenge on an unprecedented Grand Prix series

Yuki yuna is a hero - 12 episodes, action/drama/friendship/magical girl/post-apocalyptic/tragedy

Summary: follow the adventures Yuki Yuna and the “Hero club” she joins as they aim to do their best for the community they live in, ranging from helping other clubs to fighting off mysterious enemies known as “Vertex”, all in time to attend classes and have fun

Africa salaryman -12 episodes, comedy/ slice of life

Summary: this comedy follows a Lion, toucan, and lizard as they live the lives of office workers in a capitalist society in Japan, while also dealing with their unique situations as animals living beyond the savanna and the food chain

Arashi no yoru ni: himitsu no tomodachi-26 episodes, adventure/drama

Summary: a goat named Mei wanders into a barn one night, seeking shelter from a storm. In the barn, the goat meets another refugee. The two can neither see nor smell each other, but nevertheless they huddle together, fending off the cold, and begin to talk. Eventually, they establish a friendship. The two decide to meet later and will recognize each other by using the password “ one stormy night”. The next day, when they meet, Mei learns that his his companion from the night before was a wolf named Gabu. Despite their natural predisposition as enemies, they share a common bond and begin meeting regularly. However, Mei’s flock and Gabu’s pack eventually find out about their relationship Nd forbid the friendship. Mei and Gabu, hoping to preserve their friendship, cross a River during a storm. They hope to find an “ emerald first” free for persecution

Back street girls: Gokudolls- 10 episodes, comedy/ecchi/seinen

Summary: a group of 3 yakuza failed their boss for the last time. After messing up an important job, the boss gives them 2 choices: honorably commit suicide, or go to Thailand to get a sex reassignment surgery in order to become “female” idols. After a gruesome year training to become idols, they successfully debut, with overwhelming popularity, much to their dismay. This is where their tragedy truly begins

Bananya- 2 seaons, 13 episodes , comedy/kids/slice of life

Summary: above a nondescript kitchen counter quietly hangs a bunch of ripe, yellow bananas. Suddenly, one of the slender fruits begins to shake, gently at first but slowly increasing in ferocity until it tears itself away from the rest. With a graceful landing, the long and curvy edible gradually rolls back its golden peels, revealing what lies beneath its firm covering to be… - cat? This mysterious feline-fruit hybrid is named Bananya. Carefree and gentle, the adorable creature dreams of one day becoming a luscious bananya bathed in chocolate. Together with his fellow bananya, this kitchen cloaked in yellow passes its days without a care in the world, enjoying a rather calm and peaceful existence as it experiences what the world has to offer

#anime recommendation #anime

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lucysweatslove · 1 year ago

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10.31.2023 // On names and generally feeling like my corporeal form is not me.

So, I'm organizing a group gift for one of our instructors. She's wonderful, so we wanted to give her a thank-you gift that involves giant plushies (a giant heart that has attached blood cells that hide away + an immunoglobulin that has a detachable antibody). Anyway, of course people have to address me somehow. I'm usually quite quiet, but organizing something means more talking + more addressing.

Everybody addresses me the way I've asked. Which is simply a shortened form of my legal name, Lex. The OGs know that Lucy is not connected to my legal name, really, other than having the same first letter. I went by Lexie for years (also not my legal name but a shortened version), but it was constantly misspelled as Lexi. It always looked unfinished to me, and the fact that I had people argue with me about how I spelled my name and then refuse to learn to add the final "e" annoyed me enough that I just shortened it further to Lex. There was also the time I briefly went by my middle name, Reyne (pronounces like rain), because Lex felt too harsh or masculine and not ~wispy~ and ~creative~ enough (look, I was a young teenager).

At the same time all of THAT was happening, my little sister was born. "X" sounds are typically hard for toddlers. When I was an infant and my older sis was a tot, she pronounced my name "lets-see" which is also cute. But, when Little Sis was born, my mom decided to give me a nickname to make it easier. My older sis was Wee (her first name starts with a W), and I was Lu/Lulu/Lucy. Mine came, in part, from being called "Lexie Lou Who" as a little kid. Reality though is that my little sis first called me Weecy, since /w/ is easier than /l/, but I've been Lucy for my family and close/loved ones for over 1.5 decades. My mom introduces me as Lucy. My husband calls me Lucy or Lu (sometimes lulu or lulu lemon).

So basically: Lexie for the first ~12-13 years of my life, then I branched into "Weecy" and "Lucy" with people I am safe with while keeping my "outside" (unsafe/uncertain) name as Lex, with a short stint being called Reyne because I was exploring a more creative, less scientific side of me.

The Lucy/Lex dichotomy has worked out for me decently so far, and in part, this is because it allows me to compartmentalize. I know that the people who call me Lucy are safe. I won't always like them or what they do, but I know they care about me. My parents still don't know I've been diagnosed autistic, and there are bits of me that I don't share in general because I don't know for sure that they will always be respected and valued. But that comes from my parents having a different set of experiences and values. In general, I know they want what is best for me, we just have differences in opinions about what that "best" is sometimes. Still, it's safe enough to have them call me Lucy because I trust that they have good motives. These are also the people I deeply care about. We have a reciprocal relationship. I can trust that they will be there when I need them, and they know I will be there for them too. Contrast that with Lex- the people who call me Lex are acquaintances. People I need to hold off at a distance. People I'm not sure will have my best interest at mind. They may respect my personhood, but they don't care the way people who call me Lucy do. They could be amazing people- and many of them are- but they just haven't yet earned the privilege of calling me Lucy. I also have no expectation that they might earn that privilege. There is no expectation of reciprocity either. I expect nothing from the people that call me Lex. They could ignore my name all together and call me "kid in the pink jacket" (like everybody did when I went to the community college for the last two years of high school). This separation protects me from getting my hopes up, thinking people are friends.

And I'll also say- the people who call me Lucy, I don't invite to call me Lucy. I invite yall online to call me Lucy, but that's because I expect that if you're here and listening, it's because you want to be here and supportive, not because I have something to give you. And I will give to all. But I digress- I don't invite the IRL people to call me Lucy. It develops organically. They pick up on the fact that nobody in my personal life calls me Lex. They ask about it. I tell them honestly. Then, they decide- they can call me Lex if that feels right, or they can call me Lucy and enter into my circle. I don't present it as a choice, I just inform them that I separate it out, and people close to me choose to call me Lucy, and that's how I know who is safe. Sometimes, people don't ask and just start calling me Lucy. I don't think my husband ever asked. It just... fell into place and felt right. And I don't think my best friend's main partner asked- he just always knew me as Lucy because that's what Best Friend calls me all the time. Literally never Lex. But other times, people do ask. Best Friend asked first- which was very thoughtful and probably one reason why we are best friends. It was respectful, understanding that how I feel may not be how she feels.

Anyway, back to now. When I was working full time, I was Lex or Lexie to everybody, but when I was off work, all the people in my life called me Lucy. I had a work Self, Lex, and a non-work self, Lucy. I stopped working for a year, and I was full-time Lucy. I had to use my legal name on applications for school, but studying self was Lucy, wife self was Lucy, pug mom was Lucy (or pug-mom), gym self was Lucy, friend self was Lucy... you get the point.

And now I am back to being Lex like, half the time.

I think part of the issue is that I haven't been "Lex" as me for a long time. It's always me as somebody else. Lex the Student. Lex the Chemistry Teacher. Lex the Scribe. Lex the MHT. Lex the... you get it. All of those are roles I've had- not wholly me. The whole 'me' is Lucy, but this physical body is "Lex" half the time, so I don't feel like my physical body is me.

But it goes deeper than that, because for years, only my family called me Lucy. Lucy was "Lucy, the sister" and "Lucy, the daughter." I didn't see it as who I was. Lucy was the second self, the role. Lex was who I was, and at that time, I was thin. I worked out a ton. I put studying on a pedestal. I was, objectively, not mentally healthy, not living according to my own personal values, still figuring myself out.

And when I recovered and grew into "me," I grew into Lucy, not Lex. Lex became the role, the second self. So of course now that I am playing the role of Lex more and more, now that my body is playing Lex despite Lex being left in 2013, my 2023 body is not Lex of 2013 and I don't feel congruent.

I also didn't realize until now how little I cared about my body/appearance as part of "me" until now. As I grew into me, I didn't really think much about my body. My way of dealing with my body's changes? Distancing. Ignoring. Separating. So even though this body is the one I inhabit as Lucy, I still don't feel like the body is me.

(Note... Interestingly: my therapist calls me Lexie, not Lex. It felt very wrong for her to call me Lucy, but Lex felt too... informal, stuffy, closed off.)

#personal #yeah i'm really just ranting and saying nothing #hopefully it makes some sense to anybody who dares read it all #but even if nobody does read it i think it makes sense to me #and i feel a little better about not feeling connected to my body #and generally having body dissatisfication #especially why i'm getting more triggered lately to go back to old ED habits #its because i'm playing lex and back when i was more wholly lex i had an eating disorder #i don't remember lex as myself without an ED tbh #so yeah at least things make more sense to myself now

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