#except panto and silas

[alexjcrowley]

Dirk Gently Holistic Detective Agency is just peak aromantic representation. That's exactly how aros spend the time they don't dedicate to romance: acting as tools for the chaotic functioning of the universe, solving cases about time travel and magic kingdoms and just destroying things with their friends. Hope this helps non aro people out there to understand us better.

[arc-angel-o]

Actually no why do allos love to have characters resolve a fight with a kiss. I'm not even the most romance repulsed aro, and I love the enemies to lovers, but like if we're arguing I'm mad. Maybe it's an autistic thing (anger issues + one track mind), idk, I'm just saying it's hard to pull off that trope without it feeling a degree unnatural to me. Except like, Panto and Silas in Dirk Gentlys. I mean they were only pretending to be enemies, they're not arguing or fr fighting

[twinfantasydogs]

someone please make a panto/silas playlist

[drawyourgunsr5]

I would like to let you all know

I’m crying very hard but I’m so proud of dirk and I know Todd is too and I hope he tells him he’s proud because dirk needs to hear it.

[wendimoorandinglenook]

I just think it’s really interesting that it’s the young people in Wendimoor who are very religious (i.e. believe in the prophecy) and their parents who are like “Would you SHUT the fuck up about that FAKE-ASS FOREST WITCH!”

It’s a really interesting dynamic, for the young to be believers and the old to sneer at tradition.

[amber-angel]

DGJDA for the ask game? (Set loose you hyperfixation)

Oh I will absolutely take any excuse to talk about my favorite show :))))

❤ Favorite Male:

Probably Dirk, he's got an energy that I really like, so bouncy and excited. Plus Samuel Barnett is an excellent actor, and he really brings Dirk to life in a way that I don't think would have worked with anyone else.

❤ Favorite Female:

You already know, everyone already knows, it's Bart. I laid eyes on the homicidal dirt muppet and fell in love. She's just so cute! She doesn't want to kill people, it's just what she thinks she has to do, and she had such good scenes. Plus with both Ken and Panto you can really see that she hasn't really had anybody who cared about her before, and getting to watch her have friends is amazing, no the end of season two didn't happen, yes I'm in denial. She's living happily ever after in Wendimoor with Panto and Silas and Ken, Blackwing who?

❤ Favorite Pairing:

I guess Dirk/Todd, though tbh I didn't really ship any of the characters, except a little bit Farah/Tina. Maybe Panto/Silas, since it's established.

❤��Least Favorite Character:

Ummmm. Maybe Riggins? I like all the characters, even if they're bad guys they're still so intriguing. You know a show is good when you can't even think of a least favorite character.

❤ who’s most like me:

Maybe Todd, he has an awkward energy that I relate to.

❤ most attractive:

Have you seen pictures of the cast? They're all attractive, every single one of them. Even the bad guys. I saw Suzie Boreton's evil queen transformation and said oh shit out loud. I basically established a tag for Friedkin that was 'yeah he's a dumbass but he's a hot dumbass.'

That being said, Fiona Dourif (Bart).

❤ three more characters that I like:

It's impossible to choose just three but...

1. Tina!! She's just amazing, Izzie Steele did an amazing job. Her and Farah have the best interactions.

Speaking of Farah, 2. FARAH. How the hell this show managed to have so many characters and give them all so much depth, I might never really figure out, but Farah seems like such a layered character to me, and I love her.

3. Suzie Boreton. Maybe unpopular opinion, but I LOVED her. Some people have made excellent points about how the end of it could have been done better, but for the most part her villian arc amazed me. People keep trying to make their villians boring and sympathetic nowadays, but they didn't try that with her. She's just evil, and that's the way she likes it.

[zoi-no-miko]

I really, REALLY appreciate these adorable queers <3

My love.

[juniper-and-lamplight]

Updated December 25, 2018

A collection of my yearly Holiday Fic Countdown recs, listed alphabetically by fandom & author and linked to the original recs (so you can click through if you want to read my lengthy notes). Recs below the cut, and happy holidays!

Brooklyn Nine-Nine as cuddly as a cactus, hardlygolden, 1k, General audiences "'There is an elf. On my shelf,' Captain Holt pronounces. It’s entirely possible he sounds more aggrieved than usual - Jake can never tell." Original rec.

Cabin Pressure Christmas in Helsinki, Lucyemers, 2.3k, General audiences “Ms. Knapp-Schappey?” “Yes?” “I’ve been sent to fetch you”, she responds, all smiles. “Don’t be ridiculous! Do you know what time it is?” She continues, ignoring her protests,“To Christmas in Helsinki.” Original rec.

Check, Please! Winner Bakes It All, akaparalian, 3k, Teen and up, Bitty/Jack "There are some truly, uniquely incredible smells coming from the Haus kitchen; in fact, more even than that, there are baking smells coming from the Haus kitchen. This, in and of itself, is far from unusual three semesters into one Eric Bittle's tenure as the unofficial bakemeister of Samwell Hockey. In fact, on such a lovely Sunday afternoon in early December, it might even be expected. Really, there's no cause for alarm. Except for the fact that Bitty's not here." Original rec.

From Me To You, IBoatedHere, 4.1k, General audiences, Jack/Bitty "Jack finds the book by accident. Knitting For The Absolute Beginner." Original rec.

Love And All The Other Intangibles, IBoatedHere, 4.8k, General audiences, Jack/Bitty "Eric Bittle's fraught and opaque relationship with Christmas." Original rec.

Only gift that I need, by Signe_chan, 2.7k, Teen and up, Ransom/Holster "Ransom had kind of been expecting something in the mail, but when he got home, his post box was empty. It was weird. It was the first night of Hanukkah and Holster normally loved Hanukkah." Original rec.

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency Blood Is Thicker Than Water (But You Know What's Even Thicker? Cookie Dough. Tastes Better, Too.), DontOffendTheBees, 3k, Teen and up, Dirk/Todd "'Dirk… you know how to make cookies, right?' The detective glanced between Todd and the ingredients, brow furrowing. 'Actually, I was rather hoping you did…' Todd sighed. He was gonna need another beer. 'Let’s Google it.' In which Dirk and Todd ill-advisedly try to bake cheer-up cookies for Farah at 3am, and maybe confront some feelings in the process." Original rec. 

To Give Meaning, electricteatime, 2k, Teen and up, Dirk/Todd In which sometimes the meaning behind the gift is the most important thing of all, and sometimes Todd gets it all right (for a change.)"  Original rec.

all roads lead home, GabbyD, 3k, Gen "It’s the little things about Christmas that truly make it all feel like family. Or, how each character and group learns to cope with the events of the first season as they experience Christmas together for the first time." Original rec.

Baby, it's cold outside, HolisticPanda, 2k, Teen and up, Bart & Ken "Bart doesn't like the snow." Original rec.

Unimaginable (or, Six Different Flavors of Holiday-Themed Lip Balm), juniper_and_lamplight, 1.9k, M, Farah/Tina “She’s not the sort of person Farah would’ve expected to fall for, if she’d expected to fall for anyone, and just looking at her fills Farah's chest with a wild, buoyant tenderness, like her heart might actually be expanding. It’s the opposite of a panic attack, though it leaves her with the same dry mouth and racing pulse.” Am I reccing my own Christmas fic? YOU BET I AM.

If The Fates Allow, by lavellington, 6.9k, Teen and up, Dirk/Todd "Dirk was familiar with Christmas in theory but not practice. Todd and Farah were happy to go along for the ride." Original rec.

A Very Dirk Gently Christmas, thats_entirely_too_much_tuna, 20.5k, Teen and up, Dirk/Todd "'I’m going to teach you to love Christmas again, Todd,' Dirk informed him. 'I’ve decided.'" Original rec.

Mittens, yeaka, 1k, Teen and up, Panto/Silas "Silas attends the winter festival." Original rec.

Doctor Who & Torchwood The Education of Ianto Jones, Verasteine, 3k, Mature, Jack/Ianto  "Ianto Jones had grown up with a world view of straight couples. Now he knows different." Original rec.

Unsinkable, versaphile, 4k, Tenth Doctor/Jack "Post-Voyage of the Damned. The Doctor has nowhere to go, and ends up in Cardiff." Original rec.

Firefly Consecration, by fox1013, 3k, General audiences "We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty." Original rec.

Gilmore Girls Suggestions (And Mallomars), Mosca, 3.3k, Teen and up, Rory/Paris "Identity, chocolate, mother-daughter relations, and the importance of voting: scenes from the first 90 days." Original rec.

Good Omens How Crowley Saved Christmas, such_heights, 1k, General audiences, Crowley & Aziraphale "It was 1842, and Aziraphale really didn’t want to do it." Original rec.

Harry Potter God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, blamebrampton, 8k, General audiences, Harry/Draco   "Draco hasn't been seeking refuge in religion, just in London's most famous church. The fact that it's on the daily route of Britain's most famous Auror is total coincidence, he's really there for the music." Original rec.

Bitter Honey, Green Night, Faith Wood, 14k, Explicit, Harry/Draco "An inn, an Auror, a criminal, a mystery." Original rec.

As Souls from Bodies Steal, femmequixotic, 40k, Explicit, Harry/Draco “Hope may be found in the oddest of places, even in the bleakness of winter.” Original rec. 

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, firethesound, 12k, Mature, Harry/Draco "Sometimes Harry can't help but wonder why such strange shit always happens to him." Original rec.

All Our New Years, Frayach, 2k, Mature, Harry/Draco "It takes too many New Year's Eves without each other but eventually they get it right."  Original rec.

The Price We Pay for Wings, Frayach, read by raitala, 13k, 80min, Mature, Harry/Draco “Scorpius Draconis Eltanin Malfoy read the first book in the Alford Ocamy series over Christmas hols when he was eleven. Well, he didn’t so much “read” it as he devoured it.” Original rec.

Here’s the Pencil, Make It Work, ignatiustrout, 49k, Mature, Harry/Draco  "Harry thinks ‘Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?’ is a much simpler question than, ‘Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don't, what will you do?'" Original rec.

An Act of Rebellion: Eight Nights of Hope, katmarajade, 1k, General audiences "During the Carrows' reign of terror, Anthony decides to bring his House together in a surprising way." Original rec.

Nine Regrettably Short Stories About Sirius Black and Things That Happened On or Around Christmas, librae, 3k, unrated, Remus/Sirius "The problem was, of course, that it was Christmastime. The problem, of course, being that Sirius had stolen them away in the night - or the daytime, if you wanted to be technical - all so they could have the inaugural Christmas feast in his flat, which was blaring white and freezing." Original rec.

Winter Like a Balm, Lomonaaeren, 2k, Teen and up, Ginny/Luna "The first winter after Fred's death, Ginny escapes into the Forbidden Forest with Luna and her unicorns." Original rec.

Let Nothing You Dismay, montparnasse, 19k, Mature, Remus/Sirius "There are a few things Sirius really didn't count on for Christmas of 1979. The extreme sexual confusion is one of them; Remus Lupin is approximately seventy-eight of the rest." Original rec.

Elucidation Practice, montparnasse, 21.3k, Mature, Remus/Sirius "Christmas, 1978. Remus, wrestling with the mighty problems of gift-giving on a budget, contemplates life, love, London in winter, and falling off the edge of the world with Sirius Black." Original rec. 

Christmas 1980, nightswatch, 4.9k, Teen and up, Remus/Sirius "Remus comes home from an Order mission on Christmas Eve. He's not so sure if Sirius actually wants to see him." Original rec.

Vector, by rageprufrock, 13k, Mature, Remus/Sirius "Mathematics: A quantity, such as velocity, completely specified by a magnitude and a direction. / 3. A force or influence." Original rec.

Six Christmases, thistle_verse, 4.8k, Mature, Harry/Draco "Care is a magic shaped by relation; it alters and winds its way through all spaces. It is always on the move, always changing its shape, and sometimes— it turned into love. Harry felt, finally, like all his various perspectives on Draco Malfoy over the years had clicked into place, simultaneous and one. He felt certain he could love this man through every view, from any side of before or after." Original rec.

Christmas at The Dog and Duck, writcraft, 9k, Explicit, Harry/Draco "Because life has a habit of conspiring against him, Harry finds himself on a weekend away with Malfoy. The fact he can’t forget that one, searing kiss is definitely going to be a problem." Original rec.

History Boys Driving Home For Christmas, surprisinglyOK,  6.4k, Teen and up, Scripps/Posner "This is just super fluffy romantic/family Christmas fun, in which David spends Christmas with the Scripps', and Don finally comes out to his parents." Original rec.

Marvel Maqqaba, Domenika Marzione, 1.8k, Gen "Chanukah in the SSR." Original rec.

Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries Last night you told me: tomorrow, lbmisscharlie, 2k, Explicit, Phryne/Mac/Jack "'Come on, darling,' she says, feeling daring. This is the edge of something, something that has been building since the first time Phryne stomped into the City South Police Station. Perhaps since Mac linked arms with her on the docks of the port, gleeful to be reunited with her friend after many years absence. Things will be different tomorrow." Original rec.

Sherlock (BBC) People Are Basically Fond, apliddell, read by lockedinjohnlock, 5.1k, 36 min., General audiences, John/Sherlock "John and Sherlock throw another Christmas party, with a little surprise for their guests." Original rec. from tender stem hath sprung, astudyinrose, 6.1k, Explicit, Sherlock/John "A few days before Christmas, a sprig of mistletoe appears in 221B." Original rec.

Snowlight, axemeaboutaxinomancy, 1k, Explicit, Sherlock/John "A snowy interlude, with daemons by the window and humans on the sofa." Original rec.

In the Bleak Midwinter (A Canticle for Advent), CaitlinFairchild, 3k, Mature, Sherlock/John "In the autumn of 2014, Mary Watson shot Sherlock Holmes. This is what happened after." Original rec.

A Winter Walk, cathedral_carver, 3k, Teen and up, Sherlock/John "Time is the longest distance between two places." Original rec.

Lab Book, copperbadge, 5k, Explicit, Sherlock/John "'The likelihood of finding a cab on Christmas Eve is fast approaching nil.' 'So was the likelihood of you kissing me in the middle of the pavement, and yet.'" Original rec.

On the Table (Eventually John Watson's Favorite Christmas Story), emmgrant01, art by numberthescars, 18k, Explicit, Sherlock/John "Set after The Reichenbach Fall. Someone's leaving John strange little gifts in the weeks before Christmas. But who could it be? (A bit of fluff, a touch of angst, a dash of smut, some holiday cheer – enjoy!)" Original rec.

The December War, igrockspock,4k, Teen, John/Sherlock "Sherlock's never been good at Christmas." Original rec.

Winters Delights, Kate_Lear, 21k, Explicit, Sherlock/John "Sherlock takes John home for Christmas to meet the extended Holmes family." Original rec. 

Resolution, by lifeonmars, 2k, Teen and up, Sherlock/John "'Maybe one resolution isn't a bad idea.' New Year’s-related unashamed fluff with a bit of case geekery on the side." Original rec.

Points, lifeonmars, read by Lockedinjohnlock, 54k, 7 hrs, Explicit, Sherlock/John "'The little things are infinitely the most important.' -- A Case of Identity, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other." Original rec.

Christmas Eve, 1939, lotherington, 2k, Explicit, Sherlock/John "They were in bed together, the Tiffany lamp alight in the corner, casting a gentle light across the room. The multicoloured pieces of glass that formed its shade glowed prettily in the dim and provided a welcome contrast from the pouring rain and darkness outside, concealed though it was by the blackout curtain. WWII AU. December, 1939. Sherlock and John share a lazy Christmas Eve at Baker Street in the midst of the 'Phoney War'." Original rec.

See Love Shine, Mazarin221b, 2k, Mature, Sherlock/John “The weight of time is pulling heavily on John’s heart of late. Short days and seemingly endless nights lend themselves to spending too much time pondering his future. Their future. John leans forward to press a kiss to Sherlock’s forehead. When Sherlock’s eyes blink open and he smiles sleepily, a half-formed idea that had been niggling at the back of John’s mind sharpens into a certainty.” Original rec. 

Goodness Gives Extras, mydwynter, 39k, Explicit, Sherlock/John "Christmas time. Tis the season to settle down with a drink, some food and a present or two, and to enjoy the quiet relaxation of the holiday. Instead, there's a case that drags them all over, missing presents,disappointed kids, angry parents, and a freak snowfall. On top of that John has to deal with Sherlock, who is being even more of a prat than usual. He really shouldn't have expected anything different." Original rec.

Entanglement, orphan_account, 3k, General audiences, Sherlock/John "On Christmas Eve, snow covers London, John visits Harry, and Sherlock and Mrs. Hudson untangle some knots." Original rec.

Ghost Stories, SwissMiss, 22k, Mature, Sherlock/John "Sherlock's parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something." Original rec.

First Night Out, verity-burns, read by the author, 3k, 22min, Mature, Sherlock/John "As John recovers from the effects of a brutal kidnapping, he and Sherlock attend the Yarders' Christmas Party. There are... developments on the dance floor..." Original rec.

Sherlock Holmes (Arthur Conan Doyle) Also when 'tis cold and drear, garonne, 26k, Teen and up, Holmes/Watson "In the first months of their acquaintance, Holmes and Watson study each other from a distance, watching and wondering... Contains lunatic aristocratic poets, Christmas dinner, plenty of fog and snow, and other such stuff."  Original rec.

In the Shadow of the Past, garonne, read by hardboiledbaby, 6k, 45min, Mature, Holmes/Watson "Holmes would rather have avoided returning with Watson to the Alps, even years after the events at Reichenbach--from which he's not sure Watson has ever really recovered." Original rec.

The Holly and the Ivy series, MirithGriffin, 20k, Teen through Explicit, Holmes/Watson "Translator’s note: In 2010, a strange manuscript was discovered in a private country house long used as a hotel in Surrey. While working on plans for renovations, contractors discovered a dilapidated strongbox in the attic. The box contained, among other things, twenty yellowing sheets of paper covered from top to bottom in dancing stick figures. Upon further examination, the stick figures were revealed to be a form of code. Here is what the manuscript said." Original rec.

Splendid Night, Katie Forsythe, read by Heuristic Device, 14k, 90 min, Teen and up, Holmes/Watson A Christmas fic, set during and around The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton, in which Watson gets ahold of the wrong end of the deductive stick and reacts in a histrionic and yet recognizably Watsonian fashion. Original rec.

Dwell Together Still, mistyzeo, 2k, Explicit, Holmes/Watson "Holmes and Watson celebrate the end of an important year." Original rec.

Glad With Our Carols, oldshrewsburyian, 1.6k, Gen, Holmes/Watson "Holmes loves music, Watson loves Holmes, and the author indulges her feelings about liturgical history and medieval music." Original rec.

Since First I Saw Your Face: First Christmas, Stavia_Scott_Grayson, 6k (this chapter), Mature, Holmes/Watson "During the Great Hiatus, Holmes, studying in Tibet, reflects on his first meeting with Dr John Watson." Original rec.

Waltzing & Wassailing, wordybirdy, 2k, Gen, Holmes/Watson "Should Holmes & Watson accept Mycroft's invitation to his New Year's Eve celebrations? What reservations could Holmes possibly have?" Original rec.

Star Wars Some Like It Hoth, fennecfawkes, 2k, Mature, Finn/Poe "Greetings from Hoth, where the climate isn't the kindest, but the company can't be beat." Original rec.

Supernatural Gone Away is the Bluebird, clockworkrobots, 1k, unrated, Dean/Castiel "'Well, perhaps I’ve been down here, with them, for too long,' Castiel admits to his sister as he drives. 'There’s seemingly nothing but chaos. But not all bad comes from it. Art. Hope. Love. Dreams.' 'But those are human things,' Hannah says, with unmasked confusion. She is not judging, just trying to understand. Castiel almost wants to smile. It's like looking in a mirror to the past. 'Yes.'" Original rec.

The Cold of Flesh and Stone, entangled_now, 9k, Explicit, Dean/Castiel "Maybe I'm sick of spending Christmas elbow deep inside something's intestines, or standing in a grave somewhere in the freezing cold waiting for bones to burn." Original rec.

Collateral Damage, komodobits, 7k, Explicit, Dean/Castiel "Castiel takes offense at being called awkward, and goes out of his way to prove Dean wrong." Original rec.

Softer and More Beautiful, by misslucyjane, 8k, Explicit, Dean/Castiel "Christmas is a human celebration, and Castiel is with a couple of humans." Original rec.

All the Neighbors Might Think, murron, 4k, Explicit, Dean/Castiel "It’s not like Dean needs company on Christmas Eve." Original rec.

One Cold Night, xylodemon, 16k, Explicit, Dean/Castiel "'Dean, are you all right?' 'Yeah. I'm just --' Dean shivers again. His teeth clack together. 'Jesus Christ, it's cold.'" Original rec.

The West Wing The DoD, by E.E. Beck, 2k, Teen and up "Sam had a plan. Sam had a secret plan. Takes place in the month following Noel." Original rec.

Fic bookmarks | Fic Recs Masterlist

[zoburke]

Season  is over

  It happened so fast, really. The final episode was amazing but let’s remember all good things which the seconds season gave us

• our handsome princes!!! All my love to Panto and Silas 

• Todd’s amazing undercover. Black hair and sunglasses that’s all you need to “look cool” and run from the CIA

• Sherlock Hobbs and a plastic cover for his sheriff’s hat

• Susie’s sweatshirts 

• Dirk “I’m not a shopping cart” Gently

• Amanda became full Rowdy 3

• “the new guy Todd…is perfect”

• Dirk’s dream about Todd and Farah rescuing him (Yeah, Dirk, we need that algue)

• Bart on the bike c:

• The first appearece of Mona Wilder

• BROTZLY REUNION!!!

• TINA TEVETINO

• “Are you Todd Brotzman from the Mexican Funeral?”

• Dirk’s orange jacket

• Dirk hugging Todd and Hobbs

• Mr. Priest’s hysterical laugh

• Dirk’s vintage outfit

• Farah beat Panto’s ass

• BROTZLY COMFORTING CONVERSATION

• “Take control of your life, Dirk” 

• The house inside the house

• Purple People Eater (where are you now?)

• Christian-Jewish Hell

• Todd rescuing Dirk from the Purple People Eater

• Friedkin lying on the floor without any point and knowing what to do 

• ANOTHER BROTZLY CONVERSATION

• AMANDA’S SUPER PSYCHIC POWERS

• Hobbs made Farah his deputy

• Dirk’s red jactet

• Bart and Panto’s friendship

• WAKTI WAPNASI 

• TINA/FARAH OMG!!

• The Sound of Nothing

• THE LOVE SPELL

• “Dirk you need to know you changed my life!!!”

• I WANNA FUCK EVERYBODY HERE 

• Madden “Alive”

• Rowdy 3 reunion 

• lieutenant Assistant

• Dirk’s pink fur coat

• THAT’S MY NEW THING! DID IT *snap snap*

• Maybe Wendimoor is Miami who knows

• B E A S T

• LITZIBITZ TROST

• Silas telling how much he loves Panto

• “I’m Bibbit. That’s my life now.”

• Todd and Amanda’s reunion

• DIRK SOLVED THE CASE

• Beast in Dirk’s red jacket

• Todd and Amanda slapping each other 

• Tina’s conversation with Bob

• Dirk hit Martin

• Sad cover of Mr.Sandman

• INCREDIBLE SWORD FIGHT BETWEEN DIRK AND SILAS

• Dirk explaining the case

• DID IT *snap snap*

• Todd “Everything is connected” Brotzman

• Mona Wilder the holistic actress

• Bart with a chainsaw and Panto the normal guy from this world

• PANTLAS REUNION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Don’t. Panic.

• MY STUPID SON FRIEDKIN

• “Can you turn into a bug? Only emotionally” 

• EVERYONE IN WENDIMOOR IS ALIVE AND HAPPY

• EXCEPT SUSIE

• PANTO AND SILAS. HAPPY AND TOGETHER 

• Tina, Farah and Hobbs are alive!!!!! Honesty I’m so happy

• TINA/FARAH AHHHHHH

• The Boy is back!!!

• Dirk’ yellow jacket’s comeback!!!!

• “Hey Dirk. you solved the case. It was an easy one!”

• “not my thing, Todd” THAT’S GAY. 

• B R O T Z L Y

• Rowdy 3 adopted Beast c:

• AMANDA’S NEW OUTFIT!

• Dirk’s black jacket with rainbow stripes

• Dirk Gently’s holistic detective agency is up and running

Of course it’s not all, so feel free to add your favorite moments c:

And you can come and scream with about the final ‘cause I’ve been crying for couple hours

[dirk-gently-theories]

What exactly happened to Wendimoor and The Boy? aka. I think I just solved the case!

Let’s begin with how the people are connected to each other. Starting with Wakti Wapnasi.

Yes, Wakti. She’s one of the most important characters here. 

So: Wakti is a product of Moloch’s mind so basically she’s a splitted version of Moloch’s consciousness. She knows about the prophecy and the boy, she also kind of knows who The Boy is but not where he currently is since he disappeared from Wendimoor. She just knows where he was the last time that she was able to reach out to him in his dreams which was in Bergsberg, in the Cardenas house to be exact.

Wakti knows Mona and told her about the prophecy and the boy and Dirk Gently. Mona knows who Dirk is. She contacts him and sends him straight away to where Moloch was the last time: Bergsberg.

Then all the Wendimoor stuff happens and in the end Dirk finds the mural with the two boys on it, one of them sleeping. That’s how Dirk found Moloch. He knows who The Boy is and the most important thing: He knows where he is.

Here’s what I think happened: The story of Moloch and Wendimoor

The Cardenas found Moloch on the boat that appeared in the middle of the field. Of course they couldn’t just leave the helpless baby there so they took it with them. Soon, they learned about his powers and also how to deal with them. I think that the things that Moloch creates kind of manifest when he wakes up. That’s why Marina Cardenas was so careful not to wake him up when the purple people eater appeared and told him, to dream it into something nice. Later, Arnold was born. 

They grew up together like siblings (who also fight with each other). Maybe both of the boys or just Arnold created Wendimoor. But just as the drawing on the wall. They used it to deal with what was happening in their lives, just like we do. I think everyone reading this has kind of a fantasy world in their head that they can escape into when life gets shitty again. Just like these boys. The Trosts and Dengdamors could’ve represented their parents. Notice that Silas only has a mother and Panto only a father. And they’re cowboy-ish and knight-ish because that’s what was on TV, as we can see in the scene where Dirk is in the house within the house. Also, the Trosts are farmers. One of the Cardenas wanted to keep the farm, the other one wanted to sell it. And then we have the Kellum Knights, representing the people who wanted to buy the farm, the evil ones looking at it from the perspective of a child. Last but not least Wakti Wapnasi, the forest witch who protects everyone. The real life Wakti was a doll that either belonged to Moloch or Arnold. Who hasn’t had a doll or teddy bear or whatever as a child that protected them at night? But then Hector Cardenas found it and covered it with wallpapers as punishment. He didn’t want it to become real. Just imagine what would’ve happened if Wendimoor had manifested itself outside of the Cardenas house, in the real world?

Moloch started to have nightmares. And it got worse. Arnold had to watch his parents nearly getting killed by a purple people eater and eventually it became real, that’s why it’s still in the very existent house within the house.

“I did what I had to do” and “It wasn’t human”. He’s the reason that Moloch fell into the coma that he’s still in. Maybe he attacked him with the air gun, could be the reason on why he was so horrified to see it. 

Now the Cardenas had to take care of a coma child with superpowers and the hospital bills or meds, idk, were probably really expensive. Blackwing showed up, promised to take care of Moloch. The Cardenas got into a fight and killed each other or what I think, Priest (or someone else) eventually showed up. Or Marina killed Hector who sold the farm to the Kellums or the government. She drove away in shock mode. The kids witnessed it and Moloch dreamed up the purple people eater again who then killed Marina. That’s also how the car got up in the tree. And maybe Moloch also dreamed Hector into the tree? No matter who or what killed them, the result is the same. Hector and Marina were dead, the two boys didn’t have parents anymore. 

Arnold ran away and got himself a new identity, never came back. Blackwing got a hold of Moloch and they bought (or just took) the Cardenas house. Marina and Hector are dead, it’s the government, who would say something against it? And that’s why the house is property of the government and was on lockdown. 

I think the person holding Moloch is Riggins. He started Project Blackwing but my first thought was actually because of the cap.

Notice the zzzzz’s above Moloch’s head that lead directly to the Blackwing symbols? 

Dirk said that Riggins often took him to see Moloch. And remember when Friedkin wanted Dirk to touch Moloch’s forehead and magic him awake? I think that that’s what Riggins hoped would happen. So he took every single not dangerous Blackwing project (that’s why not all the symbols are on the mural) to see Moloch. They talked to him and he got to know them, added it to the drawing in Wendimoor, his story. Dirk made him his assistent, told him all these stories about him being (or becoming) a detective and soon, Dirk became his hero.

But then the big escape happened. Everyone could flee, except for coma Moloch who was left alone. He told everyone in Wendimoor (his escape fantasy world) that Dirk Gently would come and save them. He probably couldn’t psychologically age anymore because he was in the coma. Anyway.

Dirk became a legend in Wendimoor. Blackwing closed. They moved Moloch and he had the stroke that Friedkin mentioned. Moloch lost complete consciousness and Wendimoor was left to itself. The boy, their ruler; gone. Everything fell slowly apart, drowning in chaos.

"Farson told me they had been waiting for Dirk for years!" - Amanda. I think the years probably refers to the time after the big escape where Moloch hoped his friend would come back and then the image of Dirk manifested itself in the minds of all the Wendimoorians as soon as The Boy was gone.

Like Amanda, Wakti (aka. a part of Moloch’s consciousness?) is connected to the thing, the fabric of reality, just like Mona and Amanda can reach out through the water to the others which is why she’s the one to unite them all. I think it was Max who said that Blackwing thought that the powers are as simple as just “Shapeshifting”, “Finds stuff” and “Turns invisible”, but it’s not. They’re all connected to the thing which means also connected to each other. That’s how Wakti managed to reach out to both, Amanda and Mona. They’re all connected to the same water-ish realm.

Wakti can see and reach out through the water. Mona can travel through it or shape into it? Still unsure about that. And in the first season, we saw Amanda having her first vision where she had full space Mandelbrot make-up and was laying, you guess it, in water where she heared Wakti’s voice.

And here we are again. 

Wakti contacting Mona who knows Dirk who knows the boy.

Boom. 

[bazwillendinflames]

Destined For You (Pantlas)

Ao3

No, not him.

Panto risked dropping his sword as stared utterly transfixed at the exposed skin of the back of Silas' hand. His glove had fallen off during their duel (and he was being rather generous calling it that) but it wasn't till Panto had disarmed and knocked Silas down on to the damp forest floor that he noticed the blossoming flower marking the back of his hand.

No, not a Dengamor.

Seeing anyone's soulmate mark was rare - least of all his enemies. Seeing anyone's soulmark was often seen as an intimate experience, reserved for lovers. Usually such soulmarks were hidden by the leather gloves that were in fashion for that exact reason. Silas was no exception and on the rare occasions that Panto saw him, he had never seen his mark. Expect from now, in the aftermath of their fight, Silas had lost his left glove, exposing his hand and by extension, his soulmark.

Panto could have used it to his advantage a hundred different ways if it didn't match his own.

Which could only mean one truth: Silas Dengamor was his soulmate.

Panto moved away from him quickly, despite having the upper hand in the situation since Silas was currently injured, disarmed and had his eyes squeezed tight, wincing for the final impact that would never come. Panto removed his foot from Silas’ chest and lowered his weapon. Silas opened his eyes, fluttering his dark eyelashes. He looked around confused at the fact Panto had taken his leg off his chest and stopped pinning him down.

“You did not- but-” Silas spluttered, still lying on the forest floor. Panto wished he’d get up and move from such a vulnerable position, he was trying hard to forget that he was meant to be fighting the Dengamor. He had a good reason too - Silas had been trespassing on his land.

Panto tried glancing at the flower on his hand again but Silas had already moved it away - instinctually protecting his soulmark - and was standing up. His opportunity for second glances were lost now unless he asked to see it, something he refused on principle.  

Panto kept his sword pointed in the direction of Silas, shaking slightly nervously. “Do not return to Trost land,” he added sternly, although Panto wasn't sure he truly meant it.

Silas nodded, his pretty brown eyes darting around the forest nervously. He scrambled to his feet, still staring at Panto in confusion. He understood why - their families were at war and by extent they were born to be enemies. Panto smiled - for the first time - at him and Silas nodded again, seemingly understand the temporary offer of peace he was being offered. The action meant breaking eye contact which left Panto with a strange sense of disappointment. He watched as Silas sprinted west in the direction of his own home and back to the protection of his bodyguard, no doubt.

Panto knew he should return to his own home too but he couldn't bring himself to move from the spot where Silas' glove lay innocently on the muddy ground. It was made of green leather and was still warm when he picked it up. Panto inspected it, not sure what to expect. It was hard to process this was the glove that hid Silas' soulmate mark from the world. That Silas' mark was identical to his own which could only mean one thing. One truth so loud he couldn't ignore it no matter how uncomfortable it was to accept.

If Silas Dengamor was his soulmate, Panto wasn't sure if fate was trustworthy as he was raised to believe. He had always dreamed - privately - of meeting the man who's soulmark matched his own but the last man he expected it to be was Silas Dengamor. They were star crossed already and Panto still wasn't convinced he and Silas would make a good match. He was a great swordsman and Silas lacked the skill - he was easy to beat in all their fights. And Panto couldn't let go of the fact they were enemies.

The feud had gone on since the dawn of time, it was a fact of life that the Trosts and the Dengamors were enemies. That Silas and his family were liars and out to get him. Panto had been told this all his life.

So, how could they possibly be fated to fall in love?

The tangerine glow of the sky lit the path as Panto finally made his way home, hours late and still shaken by the unlikely reveal of his soulmate. Panto had tucked the singular green glove into the pocket of his cloak and collected both his and Silas' swords which were left sticking out of the dirt before he started his journey home. He had been walking so caught up in a stream of panic, he didn't notice Litzibitz calling his name until she caught his arm and pulled his attention back from his encounter with Panto.

"There you are. Father is all wound up looking for you." She looked at with the split second analyst of his emotions that only his older sister could manage. "What happened to you, Panto?"

"I got into a fight with a Dengamor," he answered, holding up the two swords as proof.

"That explains the blood," Litzibitz replied, frowning at his bloodied shirt cuff. "Did you win?"

"It was against Silas."

Litzibitz laughed. "Ah, so yes."

She grinned for a moment as they shared knowing looks. Silas was well-known as lacking the skills to win any fights. (It may have been lucky in hindsight, given that it led to Panto realising the truth.)

Suddenly, Litzibitz's smile faltered. "You have his weapon. Did you-"

"I let him go," Panto interrupted. He felt sick at the idea of hurting Silas - of hurting his soulmate. "With a warning about trespassing on our land of course."

"I knew you'd see my side of things," Litzibitz said victoriously. "That the feud between our families is pointless. Hurting the Dengamor’s won’t get us anywhere.”

"Perhaps," Panto agreed with her for the first time since his sister had began hinting they should attempt ending the bad blood that ran between their families. If the feud was stopping him from being with his soulmate- he shook his head of the thought but it still lingered, taunting him with an unreachable happily ever after.

“Maybe we can talk to father together?” Litzibitz suggested. She was staring at him with worry after he didn't answer. “Panto, are you sure you are alright?”

“I would like to rest, that is all,” he replied. “I have many things on his mind.”

Despite the truth in the statement, all the thoughts were linked to just one - Silas 

Almost a month passed before Panto got the chance to see Silas again.

Their fight in the woods and - most importantly - the reveal that Silas was his soulmate was a constant distraction to Panto. He was becoming increasingly unfocused in scissor-sword training and withdrawn from even his sister. Panto spent his free time studying the soulmark on his hand in the privacy of his chambers and imagining holding Silas’ hand to see them side-by-side. It seemed that no matter how hard he tried, Panto couldn’t forget what he saw or about Silas. He became enamoured with the man who had once been his enemy.

Eventually, Panto got tired of being confined to mope on the grounds of the Trost farm and escaped to take a walk in the woods that were in the middle ground between Dengamor and Trost land; it was the only place where the feud wouldn’t apply. It was a peaceful walk and the clear skies and cool air helped Panto to relax his mind and destress.

Keeping the fact that he was destined for the arms of a Dengamor a secret was difficult but Panto had no one in Inglenook or even Weindmoore to confess such a secret to. Even Litzibitz, who supported peace between their families, was a risk. If the news got to Silas, it was impossible to predict how he would react. Even if he had reputation as being kind and compassionate, the Dengamors were hostile. Even more troubling, Silas may seek him out and Panto knew any attempt at a relationship would never end well.

Panto also knew with his new found endearment of Silas, the inevitability of them ending in flames would not be enough for him to resist the offer of courting if it was offered to him. Silas was beautiful - the few portraits that Panto had managed to find never truly did him justice. His eyes were beautiful.

There was a rustling behind him and Panto reached for him sword, turning to confront the person behind him.

“I am not trespassing this time!”

It was Silas, which was a surprisingly comforting sight. Panto put his scissor-sword away, noting that Silas was disarmed anyway. (Not that it made a big difference in his ability to defend himself.)

“Noted,” Panto answered, trying to surpass his joy at seeing Silas. It was a chance to confirm that he was real and that he hadn’t been imagining them being soulmates. (Panto couldn’t check now as Silas had concealed his mark with yet another pair of green gloves.)

“This is the only part of our world that has not be claimed,” Silas said, after a minute of silence. “I like to come here to think. It can be quite relaxing.”

“I had the same idea,” Panto admitted. “I find myself often lost in thought.”

Silas stepped closer, a brave move but he made no attempt to widen the gap between them. “What does the greatest swordsman in Weindmoore wander about?”

Panto felt his cheeks heat up, no doubt matching his cheeks. “My reputation has reached your side of Weindmoore?”

“My Mother says you are ruthless in a fight. Yet, I am not inclined to believe her.”

He knew in an instant what Silas was slyly referring to. “I gave you a warning.”

“I followed it.” Silas took another step closer and had a bright look in his enchanting eyes. “You also gave me a smile. A rare gift from a Trost,” he added.

“I took pity on you. Your skills with a scissor-sword have not been exaggerated in the slightest. It was amusing.” Panto risked smiling at Silas again and received his own rare gift as he returned it.

“I am more academic,” Silas admitted. “Wygar tries his best but I lack coordination.”

“Is it wise to admit all this to an enemy of your family?” Panto teased, hoping he understood the game they were playing.

“Perhaps,” Silas answered, “but we are in the no-man’s land of this war. You are not an enemy.”

Panto was the one who stepped closer this time. He could smell the mint and vanilla of Silas’ breath as they shared a soft look.

“Then what am I?” he asked, breathless from all the oxygen they were sharing.

“I have a theory.” Silas reached into his pocket and pulled out the green glove that Panto had left there since their last encounter. “You have my glove.”

Panto stepped back, letting his pink hair cover his warm, flushed skin. “You left it.”

“This glove - not my right glove - fell off the last time we met. Which meant my soulmark was exposed. You saw it, did you not?” Silas questioned. “You saw my soulmark and let me go and smiled. It was the smile that gave you away.”

“Silas, you knew we were destined?” Panto asked in return. “Why did you not contact me? I was losing my mind thinking about you.”

This time it was Silas who blushed. “You lost your mind thinking about me?”

“A little. Fate had destined me for you, that means something. It means everything Silas,” Panto confessed.

“My heart has ached since I realised.” Silas took his hand. “May I see your soulmark?”

Panto took off his glove so he and Silas could compare soulmarks; the action meant their fingers brushed together, which felt electric. He turned over his hand and took Silas’ in his own.

“Maybe fate has been kinder to us than expected,” Silas whispered.

“We are star-crossed.”

“But everything is connected. People, the prophecy, even our feuding families are linked now.” Silas squeezed his hand tightly. “Maybe we are the key to ending the war.”

“Or, maybe, we just belong here. Two soulmates meeting alone in no man’s land,” Panto suggested.

“As long as we are together,” he agreed.

“Together sounds wonderful.”

Silas touched his cheek, as they moved closer and closer, as if an invisible force was drawing them together. “May I be so bold?” he asked.

Panto leant down and connected their lips. If brushing fingertips was electrifying, kissing Silas was like being in the middle of a storm.

(They would look back, years later, at that conversation, smiling at the hopeful predictions that came true. Their love had truly saved Weindmoore from war.)  

[thekittenistheshark-blog]

Looking for Dirk Gently fans to chat and befriend

Since none of my friends watch Dirk Gently except one that hasn't watched season two, are there any Dirk Gently fans with who I can chat? Please just message me, I wanna talk enthusiastically about the show. And about Silas and Panto manly. I'd love to get to know new people who love the same stuff that I do (and with who I can talk about all the bad season 3 and Max Landis stuff that has been dragging me down).

[dirkisaprettygooddetecive]

My thoughts on Panto and Silas in S2 E9 Trouble is Bad

First of all I don’t think they are actually dead (or I don’t think they’ll stay dead more accurately)

That aside, of course I’m sad and heartbroken and upset that more LGBT characters died

However, I don’t think this as simple as straight up Bury Your Gays Trope

This doesn’t feel like ‘We’ve got gays, now we need to kill ‘em off’ that doesn’t make sense in the context of the show

DGHDA isn’t a happy show and most people die in it, we’ve seen that already

It’s clear from the seasons we have that the show is gonna have a very separated story line each season and I wouldn’t be surprised if each time most people from the story line died

In season one almost everyone died (except Lydia). The people that survive are generally connected to the universe or directly to Dirk in some way

Anyway, it would surprise me if we saw any more of the Wendimoor characters beyond season 2 even if they lived so in that way this wasn’t a surprise to me

There hasn’t been any successful het relationships so this doesn’t feel to me like ‘lets focus on the straights’ and also makes it seem to me that if anything it was ‘lets kill the relationship’ rather than ‘lets kill the gays’

One of the reasons i fell in love with dghda back during season one was that there was no romances so its always seemed quite equal to me and sexuality has never been a Big Thing in the show

I know the fact that there’s no het relationships doesn’t excuse killing off the gays but it’s something

I don’t think it’s good to think any characters shouldn’t die just because they’re gay and I actually think Silas and Panto’s deaths worked with the plot of the season (due to parallels and the conflict etc)

However, I really think the plot would be more effective if they’re brought back in the finale

I don’t know about y’all but I was definitely expecting this

Max tweeted about how this episode was gonna be a blood bath and I definitely thought Panto and Silas were some of the obvious  candidates

To me there’s pretty obvious Romeo and Juliet parallels and we all know how that worked out (also I’ve heard about Lady Macbeth parallels with Suzie, I don’t know much about Macbeth but it suggests Max had some Shakespearean influence this season)

Also ages ago max tweeted about not treating LGBT characters any differently which defo made me think something like this might happen because he had a tendency of killing off some of our fave characters even in season 1

Anyway this might just be me trying to explain it away because I really love this show and I might well change my opinions after the finale if Panto and Silas aren’t brought back

Obviously this is just my opinion and you’re completely free to disagree with me. This wasn’t as eloquent as I’d hoped so I’m sorry if anything doesn’t quite come across quite right. Just please don’t tell me that I wouldn’t get it because I’m very gay and I’ve watched shows like Buffy and Skins and been hurt by the Bury Your Gays Trope before and to me this just doesn’t feel like that.

[lpglol]

Dirk Gently in the Hunger Games AU part 5

Here’s my favourite thing I’ve written of all these parts, because it involved a lot of fun pondering.

—-

year E

Francis Pollock is a brilliant kid from district 3, raised in an orphanage after being found on a doorstep as a baby.

He grew up mostly ignored except when he had some great idea and so is thoughtful while also tight-lipped and shrewd. He likes to keep people happy and honestly wishes he didn’t have to be so cold but it’s a matter of survival in a district where much of your worth is decided by your mental prowess. He isn’t old enough to work the production lines, technically, but he still does for a while. He gets electrocuted triggering chronic intermittent tremors and narcolepsy, so he isn’t reliable enough for factory work anymore.

Then he’s reaped. He’s joined in the Capitol by his mentor Ken.

He dies in Svlad’s arms, guarded by Bart. He will be remembered.
—-

Bart is a citizen of district 12 but has never felt like she belongs. She grew up more or less by herself, stealing food and sleeping wherever she isn’t bothered, and has avoided capture but not notice. She is smarter than she appears, taking tesserae as soon as she can, which she can trade for her safety in difficult situations.

It was really only a matter of time before she was reaped, she’d been lying to the peacekeepers about her family situation for years. If she wasn’t picked by chance, she would have been picked by choice. Most of the peacekeepers have reason to stuff the ball with extra slips of her name, and she had planned to volunteer eventually. Everyone in town thinks she’s crazy. She had no one to mourn her, and was tougher than any other girl from 12.

She has no mentor, so makes fast friends with Francis’s, securing her place as an ally to Francis and Svlad.
—-

The Cjelli family were train factory workers from district 6.

Svlad’s father was never known to him, and he loves his mother but she can barely function anymore after her morphling addiction. She started using it after a workplace accident left her injured with chronic pain.

He tries his best; not old enough to legally get a job he collects recyclables from the scrapyards outside the factories and is paid sometimes for helping his busy neighbours by doing chores around the house while they’re at work, and somehow every time he thinks this is it, we’re going to get kicked out or starve, he gets lucky.

He hates it, he feels like the universe has a plan for him but is causing him so much pain in the meantime.

He is reaped for the games and teams up with strange, deadly 13 year old Bart from district 12 and thoughtful but secretive 12 year old Francis from district 3.

He returns home a victor, soon after which his mother dies, and he starts asking everyone to call him Dirk because he just can’t be Svlad anymore, he can’t function because that person killed people, even if only by accident and coincidence.

—-

In my universe, Bart doesn’t die when Dirk wins the Game. She falls into a freezing river, registers as dead, and is rescued by Amanda’s Capitol spies and she’s fine because universe magic. She hangs out in district 13 with Panto and Silas, and generally has an awesome time. Because I love my murderous dirt muppet.

[wendimoorandinglenook]

I fucking love Silas and Panto’s aesthetic journey because at the beginning of the show they look like two generic high fantasy dudes (with the exception of Panto’s hair) and then by the time they reunite they’ve become a goth and a cowboy respectively.

[absolute-lithops-emotion]

On the request of absolutely no one, here is a recap of the second episode of Dirk Gently! I’ve heard things about tumblr posts and links, but the first one of these is also under the tag “dghda recap”.

So this show is kinda rocky with first episodes but this one is everything I wanted in life.

I was just going to give you the highlights but then that didn’t happen. I didn’t even finish this yesterday.

So it seems like we are not getting any tv screens this season, but instead we get Scenes From The Fantasy Realm! Silas is explaining to his mother why he didn’t kill Panto and he’s so bad at making stuff up, it’s hilarious and adorable. Luckily his bodyguard is better with excuses. Oh and also the reason for the family feud is that the Trosts don’t like the Dengdamor’s mining operation because they don’t think it’s ethical. Oh and Silas’s brother, Farson, is just missing, but their mom thinks he’s Definitely Dead and the Trosts are Definitely To Blame.

Back with Farah and Todd, they investigate the car that fell out of the tree, and there’s a dead person in the front seat. And also Dirk is in the trunk! They all reunite and it’s adorable and then they all get arrested by Sherlock Hobbs. Sheriff Hobbs is such a dork, it’s amazing. And so is Deputy Tina, it’s amazing. The law enforcement cannot die this season they’re too good. Like, listen, they find the dead person’s driver’s license and she and her husband disappeared from the abandoned house just before "the 67" which is what the detectives call this event that happened in ’67. Like, they actually call it the 67. So they decide to let Dirk, Todd, and Farah go because they’re bored and they want their help solving the mystery. Oh and Tina is a Mexican Funeral fan. Oh and Sheriff Hobbs and Dirk have a conversation and they’re totally on the same page and Hobbs knows what holistic means and he’s so on board with this whole thing, it’s great. Oh and Hobbs just happens to have a cat that just happens to have seizures so he just happens to have a slightly weaker version of Todd’s pararibulitis meds. So we’re good on that front.

So they go to explore the abandoned house and they do a “let’s split up gang” only nothing bad happens but I WAS REALLY WORRIED FOR A WHILE THERE BECAUSE GUESS WHAT THE MAGE IS IN THE HOUSE. Hobbs and Farah are exploring the place, and we find out more about the 67. There are burns in the house because it turns out the 67 was this huge power fluctuation. Also, the house is completely trashed and all the phones were ripped out except one, but it doesn’t work. And there are hight marks on one of the doorframes like how you mark the hight of a kid, so maybe the couple who disappeared had a kid??? And then they’re looking at like a wall or something and the Mage is there and he’s sneaking up behind Farah but then Farah turns around and he’s not there. Or maybe invisible, and also they find some of his footprints and it looks like he just appeared in the middle of a room, so I guess they don’t call him the Mage for nothin’. But that scene was tense.

So meanwhile, Dirk, Todd, and Tina are exploring the barn. Dirk somehow gets up to a loft where he finds a weird Hand Blunderbuss (it’s like a handgun, but a blunderbuss, and also it destroys things with, like, waves of force or sound or something). So they go outside to test the thing on a tree, and I’m like “you’re gonna cut the tree down” but that doesn’t happen. Instead: while Dirk goes to investigate the tree, Todd and Tina have a short conversation about how weird this all is, and Todd says “this is only my second case, but it’ll probably get a lot weirder” and Tina says “it can’t get weirder than this” and then Dirk says “excuse, but there’s a person in this tree”. It’s the missing husband! And this is when Farah tells them the couple might’ve had a kid, and Dirk’s like “we found the boy!”

Somewhere Else, Amanda and Vogel are trying to get Amanda to have an attack so she can have another vision, but it’s not working because she’s not stressed out as easily anymore. So she decides to so something completely insane, which turns out to be lying down in front of an oncoming train. And it works, but the thing is that you as the viewer see pararibulitis attacks, so when Amanda sat up after the train went over her and she looked like she’d been cleaved in half , I honestly kinda freaked out. But she’s fine, she has another vision and she knows where to go now.

Back in Bergsberg, Suzie fakes being sick so she can stay home by herself. She tries to clean the blood off of her shirt, and then she finds a spell in the book and tries it out, and it magics her shirt clean. So then there’s an adorable montage set to Mr. Sandman of her magicking the house clean, giving herself a magic makeover, giving herself abs and a bunch of money, and magically fixing her leg injury and jumping on the trampoline. And then that night, her husband comes home and starts insulting her, and she magic-mind-controls him. And she maybe? maybe? mind-controls him into killing their dog? She just says to “get rid” of the dog, and that’s super open-ended, but that’s what I thought at first, but then I was like no, but now I’m more and more thinking that that’s what happened. I guess we’ll see.

Meanwhile In Blackwing: Dirk has disappeared! And no one saw Mona Wilder disappear him, not even on the security tapes, because there was a glitch so it just shows Dirk being there and then not being there. So Friedkin is really stressed out, and he tells his assistant to call in “Mr. Priest”. Then he goes to talk to Ken, because obviously Ken knows how Dirk was able to teleport out of Blackwing even though they only met, like, once. I don’t remember exactly what happened in this conversation because it’s a day later now, but basically Ken’s like “they’re gonna find out you lost one of the subjects so I’m willing to make a deal and help you with some stuff if you let me out of this taxi”. They still have the taxi, it’s ridiculous. Friedkin’s like “I’ll think about it” and he goes to talk to the Rowdy 3 (the three they have captured). He’s been keeping them in, like, suspended animation? Basically they’re in three seperate holes in the floor that have knock-out gas in them I think. Friedkin only talks to Martin though.

Basically, Friedkin thinks that because the Rowdies were following Dirk around and eating his energy, they could probably find where he is now. It’s a halfway decent idea, so he can’t have come up with it himself. It was probably his assistant. Anyway, Martin says that they try to only feed on “weirdos like them” because it does bad things to normal people (so what does that mean about Amanda? it doesn’t seem to harm her at all so is she a weirdo too? but it knocked her out the first time so is she normal then? somewhere in-between? how come she has visions???). But Friedkin has been unintentionally starving them because he didn’t read the files. So Friedkin says that if they help him find Dirk Gently he could maybe put them in a better room or bring them something to eat, and then Martin says “you already brought me something to eat” and then he starts ripping the energy out of Friedkin. And then Mr. Priest shows up with some kind of weaponized fire extinguisher and rescues Friedkin.

Cut to the two of them in a different room. Friedkin is waking up, and Priest is holding the stress toy that is actually Mona Wilder (what is her agenda anyway? she could escape any time she wants but she’s still there). Priest explains some things to Friedkin. One of them is that the Rowdies need to eat, so Friedkin needs to find some people to give them. Friedkin says “what, like a sacrifice?” and Priest agrees and I don’t know if this is going anywhere, but a guy named Mr. Priest talking about sacrificing people is so something. What is even going on at Blackwing. The other thing Priest explains is who he is. He’s the guy you call in when you need someone to violate protocol, and back in the day, he brought in 30 of the 42 original Blackwing subjects (which ones??? anyone we know??? also there are 42 original subjects, I feel like I need to reiterate that). “I’m just a gun” he tells Friedkin. “It’s up to you to pull the trigger”.

That’s what happened in the episode! I have Mr. Sandman stuck in my head now.